#i just don't think that a connected and important narrative is something that we should be removing

[thefirstknife]

I don’t understand people who are upset we don’t have all the answers about the Veil right now because quite frankly I thought that was the point? Like if we had all the answers then we get to the issue (that a lot of these same people had) where the seasons feel disconnected and like little actually matter until the last one before the expansion. They didn’t give us everything probably because we’re supposed to discover the answers as the year goes on before we chase the Witness through whatever portal it made. Bungie is doing what they wanted and yet people still complain

Yep, pretty much. They also did explicitly say in the latest TWAB that yes, the story will continue throughout the year. Some people took that as Bungie "having to tell us that there's more story because of how shit their writing is" but what I saw was community managers trying to politely explain to tens of thousands of raging players that the story isn't over. It felt almost passive aggressive to me given that this is exactly what players wanted:

We know there are still plenty of questions left unanswered at the end of Lightfall’s Campaign that you’re all eagerly awaiting answers to. As the events of Season of Defiance get into full swing this week, know that this is just the beginning of the next year of storytelling that will connect the events of Lightfall and The Final Shape. We can’t wait for the community to learn more about The Witness’s origins, its objective, and the ways we can thwart it and its disciples throughout Season of the Deep, as well as Seasons 22 and 23 later this year.

You made a great point about that. People asked that seasons become more meaningful. I remember that initially seasons were kinda all over the place and not really connected into a full story. Like, there were very few connecting points between Undying-Dawn-Worthy-Arrivals. Nothing that couldn't be summarised in 2 sentences. Even less if you look at Black Armory-Drifter-Opulence seasons from Y2.

On one hand, it meant that you could skip any and not lose much. But on the other hand, those that weren't skipping complained that the seasons aren't very well connected between each other and the main campaign of the year. This was a serious enough complaint that it became the reason for more connected seasons and also a reason to let seasons last the whole year, as detailed in a TWAB from April 2020:

We have been making progress carrying the overarching narrative Season over Season in Destiny 2. Saint-14 and Osiris led to the Warmind which leads to… [REDACTED]

It’s not perfect yet. The bridges between Seasons can definitely be improved, and we could do a better job of recognizing prior Seasons’ narrative threads in the active Season. 

In Year 4, we are going to build a better interconnected narrative and, more importantly, let players be a part of that narrative no matter when they enter the current year.

I'm putting this here because people have notoriously bad memory, but we have tangible proof of people asking Bungie for seasons that have more meaningful and interconnected narrative. Bungie listened, but that also meant that skipping a season became harder if you wanted to stay in the loop. Obviously you can watch a playthrough online, but you know. But clearly the majority wanted seasons to be meaningful and were happy when Bungie listened.

And now suddenly we don't want the story to continue during the year? I understand the FOMO complaints and monetary complaints. If you buy an expansion, you want to NOT feel forced into buying all seasons for it in order to experience the full story. It's just strange to me that we are dropping that issue at Lightfall when BL and WQ were the same. A lot will say that they liked it before, but now just got tired of the same thing over and over, but what exactly is that thing? A good and connected narrative that links expansions and seasons? Do we now want a break year where seasonal stories are irrelevant and nothing meaningful happens?

Obviously, connected seasons benefit Bungie. I am aware that connecting the narrative like this means more people will feel compelled to buy the seasons. But if they're already making contect they want us to buy, then people want their purchase to mean something instead of getting content they easily could've skipped. It's kind of an impossible conundrum? We want the seasons to be good and narrative rich and meaningful, but we also want the seasons to be easy to skip and not necessary to play. That's kinda contradictory.

I genuinely don't know what is the solution and I welcome discussion about it. I just find most of the discussions about this kind of stuff to be very strange. Like, in most cases it just boils down to a contradiction of wanting the story to feel worth investing yourself into, but also easy to sit out. Those two things just can't both be true at once.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 spoilers #lightfall #lightfall spoilers #ask #i'm a hater of the capitalist hellhole we live in and i hate how the modern gaming industry works #just getting that out of the way in case people think that I am 'defending triple A companies' #it's something people say a lot online whenever someone dares to not fall in line and shit on the game 24/7 #i am simply confused as to what people want and expect #they obviously want to KEEP playing destiny. and if we want to keep playing then story has to keep happening #so seasonal narratives have to keep being important #or else we'll be playing shitty seasons that don't progress the story and don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things #which is the exact complaint people had when this was the case #i definitely do enjoy a discussion about the seasonal model and possible changes and things that bungie can do better though #things can always be improved and the seasonal model is not an exception #i just don't think that a connected and important narrative is something that we should be removing

[cripplecharacters]

The Mask Trope, and Disfiguremisia in Media

[large text: The Mask Trope, and Disfiguremisia in Media]

If you followed this blog for more than like a week, you're probably familiar with “the mask trope” or at least with me complaining about it over and over in perpetuity. But why is it bad and why can't this dude shut up about it?

Let's start with who this trope applies to: characters with facial differences. There is some overlap with blind characters as well; think of the blindfold that is forced on a blind character for no reason. Here is a great explanation of it in this context by blindbeta. It's an excellent post in general, even if your character isn't blind or low vision you should read at least the last few paragraphs.

Here's a good ol’ tired link to what a facial difference is, but to put it simply:

If you have a character, who is a burn survivor or has scars, who wears a mask, this is exactly this trope.

The concept applies to other facial differences as well, but scars and burns are 99% of the representation and “representation” we get, so I'll be using these somewhat interchangeably here.

The mask can be exactly what you think, but it refers to any facial covering that doesn't have a medical purpose. So for example, a CPAP mask doesn't count for this trope, but a Magic Porcelain Mask absolutely does. Bandages do as well. If it covers the part of the face that is “different”, it can be a mask in the context used here.

Eye patches are on thin ice because while they do serve a medical purpose in real life, in 99.9% of media they are used for the same purpose as a mask. It's purely aesthetic.

With that out of the way, let's get into why this trope sucks and find its roots. Because every trope is just a symptom of something, really.

Roughly in order of the least to most important reasons...

Why It Sucks 

[large text: Why It Sucks]

It's overdone. As in — boring. You made your character visibly different, and now they're no longer that. What is the point? Just don't give them the damn scar if you're going to hide it. 

Zero connection with reality. No one does this. I don't even know how to elaborate on this. This doesn't represent anyone because no one does this.

Disability erasure. For the majority of characters with facial differences, their scars or burns somehow don't disable them physically, so the only thing left is the visible part… aaand the mask takes care of it too. Again, what's the point? If you want to make your disabled character abled, then just have them be abled. What is the point of "curing" them other than to make it completely pointless?

Making your readers with facial differences feel straight up bad. I'm gonna be honest! This hurts to see when it's all you get, over and over. Imagine there's this thing that everyone bullied you about, everyone still stares at, that is with you 24/7. Imagine you wanted to see something where people like you aren't treated like a freakshow. Somewhat unrealistic, but imagine that. That kind of world would only exist in fiction, right? So let's look into fiction- oh, none of the positive (or at least not "child-murderer evil") characters look like me. I mean they do, but they don't. They're forced to hide the one thing that connects us. I don't want to hide myself. I don't want to be told over and over that this is what people like me should do. That this is what other people expect so much that it's basically the default way a person with a facial difference can exist. I don't want this.

Perpetuating disfiguremisia. 

"Quick" Disfiguremisia Talk

[large text: "Quick" Disfiguremisia Talk]

It's quick when compared to my average facial difference discussion post, bear with me please.

Disfiguremisia; portmanteau of disfigure from “disfigurement” and -misia, Greek for hatred. 

Also known as discrimination of those mythical horrifically deformed people.

It shows up in fiction all the time; in-universe and in-narrative. Mask trope is one of the most common* representations of it, and it's also a trope that is gaining traction more and more, both in visual art and writing. This is a trope I particularly hate, because it's a blatant symptom of disfiguremisia. It's not hidden and it doesn't try to be. It's a painful remainder that I do not want nor need.

*most common is easily “evil disfigured villain”, just look at any horror media. But that's for another post, if ever.

When you put your character in a mask, it sends a clear message: in your story, facial differences aren't welcome. The world is hostile. Other characters are hostile. The author is, quite possibly, hostile. Maybe consciously, but almost always not, they just don't think that disfiguremisia means anything because it's the default setting. No one wants to see you because your face makes you gross and unsightly. If you have a burn; good luck, but we think you're too ugly to have a face. Have a scar? Too bad, now you don't. Get hidden.

Everything here is a decision that was made by the author. You are the one who makes the world. You are the person who decides if being disabled is acceptable or not there. The story doesn't have a mind of its own, you chose to make it disfiguremisic. 

It doesn't have to be.

Questions to Ask Yourself

[large text: Questions to Ask Yourself]

Since I started talking about facial differences on this blog, I have noticed a very specific trend in how facial differences are treated when compared to other disabilities. A lot of writers and artists are interested in worldbuilding where accessibility is considered, where disabled people are accepted, where neurodivergence is seen as an important part of the human experience, not something “other”. This is amazing, genuinely.

Yet, absolutely no one seems to be interested in a world that is anything but cruel to facial differences. There's no escapist fantasies for us.

You see this over and over, at some point it feels like the same story with different names attached.

The only way a character with a facial difference can exist is to hide it. Otherwise, they are shamed by society. Seen as something gross. I noticed that it really doesn't matter who the character is, facial difference is this great equalizer. Both ancient deities and talking forest cats get treated as the same brand of disgusting thing as long as they're scarred, as long as they had something explode in their face, as long as they've been cursed. They can be accomplished, they can be a badass, they can be the leader of the world, they can kill a dragon, but they cannot, under any circumstances, be allowed to peacefully exist with a facial difference. They have to hide it in the literal sense, or be made to feel that they should. Constantly ashamed, embarrassed that they dare to have a face.

Question one to ask yourself: why is disfiguremisia a part of your story?

I'm part of a few minority groups. I'm an immigrant, I'm disabled, I'm queer. I get enough shit in real life for this so I like to take a break once in a while. I love stories where transphobia isn't a thing. Where xenophobia doesn't come up. But my whole life, I can't seem to find stories that don't spew out disfiguremisia in one way or the other at the first possible opportunity.

Why is disfiguremisia a default part of your worldbuilding? Why can't it be left out? Why in societies with scarred saviors and warriors is there such intense disgust for them? Why can't anyone even just question why this is the state of the world?

Why is disfiguremisia normal in your story?

Question two: do you know enough about disfiguremisia to write about it?

Ask yourself, really. Do you? Writers sometimes ask if or how to portray ableism when they themselves aren't disabled, but no one bothers to wonder if maybe they aren't knowledgeable enough to make half their story about their POV character experiencing disfiguremisia. How much do you know, and from where? Have you read Mikaela Moody or any other advocates’ work around disfiguremisia? Do you understand the way it intersects; with being a trans woman, with being Black? What is your education on this topic?

And for USAmericans... do you know what "Ugly Laws" are, and when they ended?

Question three: what does your story associate with facial difference — and why?

If I had to guess; “shame”, “embarrassment”, “violence”, "disgust", “intimidation”, “trauma”, “guilt”, “evil”, “curse”, “discomfort”, “fear”, or similar would show up. 

Why doesn't it associate it with positive concepts? Why not “hope” or “love” or “pride” or “community”? Why not “soft” or “delicate”? Dare I say, “beauty” or “innocence”? Why not “blessing”? “Acceptance”?

Why not “normal”?

Question four: why did you make the character the way they are? 

Have you considered that there are other things than “horrifically burned for some moral failing” or “most traumatic scenario put to paper”? Why is it always “a tough character with a history of violence” and never “a Disfigured princess”? Why not “a loving parent” or “a fashionable girl”, instead of “the most unkind person you ever met” and “total badass who doesn’t care about anything - other than how scary their facial difference is to these poor ableds”? Don’t endlessly associate us with brutality and suffering. We aren’t violent or manipulative or physically strong or brash or bloodthirsty by default. We can be soft, and frail and gentle and kind - and we can still be proud and unashamed.

Question five: why is your character just… fine with all this?

Can’t they make a community with other people with facial differences and do something about this? Demand the right to exist as disabled and not have to hide their literal face? Why are they cool with being dehumanized and treated with such hatred? Especially if they fall into the "not so soft and kind" category that I just talked about, it seems obvious to me that they would be incredibly and loudly pissed off about being discriminated against over and over... Why can't your character, who is a subject of disfiguremisia, realize that maybe it's disfiguremisia that's the problem, and try to fix it?

Question six: why is your character wearing a mask? 

Usually, there's no reason. Most of the time the author hasn't considered that there even should be one, the character just wears a mask because that's what people with facial differences do in their mind. Most writers aren't interested in this kind of research or even considering it as a thing they should do. The community is unimportant to them, it's not like we are real people who read books. They think they understand, because to them it's not complex, it's not nuanced. It's ugly = bad. Why would you need a reason?

For cases where the reason is stated, I promise, I have heard of every single one. To quote, "to spare others from looking at them". I have read, "content warning: he has burn scars under the mask, he absolutely hates taking it off!", emphasis not mine. Because "he hates the way his skin looks", because "they care for their appearance a lot" (facial differences make you ugly, remember?). My favorite: "only has scars and the mask when he's a villain, not as a hero", just to subtly drive the point home. This isn't the extreme end of the spectrum. Now, imagine being a reader with a facial difference. This is your representation, sitting next to Freddy Krueger and Voldemort.

How do you feel?

F.A.Q. [frequently asked questions]

[large text: F.A.Q. [frequently asked questions]]

As in, answers and “answers” to common arguments or concerns. 

“Actually they want to hide their facial difference” - your character doesn’t have free will. You want them to hide it. Again; why.

“They are hiding it to be more inconspicuous!” - I get that there are elves in their world, but there’s no universe where wearing a mask with eye cutouts on the street is less noticeable than having a scar. Facial differences aren’t open wounds sprinkling with blood, in case that's not clear.

“It’s for other people's comfort” - why are other characters disfiguremisic to this extent? Are they forcing all minorities to stay hidden and out of sight too? That’s a horrible society to exist in.

“They are wearing it for Actual Practical Reason” - cool! I hope that this means you have other characters with facial differences that don’t wear it for any reason.

"It's the character's artistic expression" - I sure hope that there are abled characters with the same kind of expression then.

“They’re ashamed of their face” - and they never have any character development that would make that go away? That's just bad writing. Why are they ashamed in the first place? Why is shame the default stance to have about your own face in your story? I get that you think we should be ashamed and do these ridiculous things, but in real life we just live with it. 

"Now that you say that it is kinda messed up but I'm too far into the story please help" - here you go.

“[some variation of My Character is evil so it's fine/a killer so it fits/just too disgusting to show their disability” - this is the one of the only cases where I’m fine with disability erasure, actually. Please don’t make them have a facial difference. This is the type of harm that real life activists spend years and decades undoing. Disfiguremisia from horror movies released in the 70s is still relevant. It still affects people today.

"But [in-universe explanation why disfiguremisia is cool and fine actually]" - this changes nothing.

Closing Remarks

[large text: Closing Remarks]

I hope that this post explains my thoughts on facial difference representation better. It's a complicated topic, I get it. I'm also aware that this post might come off as harsh (?) but disfiguremisia shouldn't be treated lightly, it shouldn't be a prop. It's real world discrimination with a big chunk of its origins coming out of popular media.

With the asks that have been sent regarding facial differences, I realized that I probably haven't explained what the actual problems are well enough. It's not about some technical definition, or about weird in-universe explanations. It's about categorizing us as some apparently fundamentally different entity that can't possibly be kind and happy, about disfiguremisia so ingrained into our culture that it's apparently impossible to make a world without it; discrimination so deep that it can't be excised, only worked around. But you can get rid of it. You can just not have it there in the first place. Disfiguremisia isn't a fundamental part of how the world works; getting rid of it won't cause it to collapse. Don't portray discrimination as an integral, unquestionable part of the world that has to stay no matter what; whether it's ableism, transphobia, or Islamophobia or anything else. A world without discrimination can exist. If you can't imagine a world without disfiguremisia in fiction... that's bad. Sad, mostly. To me, at least.

Remember, that your readers aren't going to look at Character with a Scar #14673 and think "now I'm going to research how real life people with facial differences live." They won't, there's no inclination for them to do so. If you don't give them a reason, they won't magically start thinking critically about facial differences and disfiguremisia. People like their biases and they like to think that they understand.

And, even if you're explaining it over and over ;-) (winky face) there will still be people who are going to be actively resistant to giving a shit. To try and get the ones who are capable of caring about us, you, as the author, need to first understand disfiguremisia, study Face Equality, think of me as a human being with human emotions who doesn't want to see people like me treated like garbage in every piece of media I look at. There's a place and time for that media, and if you don't actually understand disfiguremisia, you will only perpetuate it; not "subvert" it, not "comment" on it.

I hope this helps :-) (smile emoji. for good measure)

Mod Sasza

#mod sasza #disfiguremisia #face difference #mask trope #writing trope #writing resource #writing reference #writing resources #writing advice #writeblr #writing tips #long post #burn survivor representation

[icanseethefuture333]

Glamour Witch 🕯

A guide to confidence, beauty, & self love 🪞🩰🦢🍒💌

How I made glamour magick efficient for me and why working with the goddess Aphrodite shifted my self concept + help me connect to the divine feminine 🕊

First let's do a back story on my relationship with my matron 🌸:

My spiritual awakening happened when I was 17 years old after experiencing the loss of a loved one and coping with past trauma. I went into my adolescence with fear, agony, and poor self esteem. I was very much so a tomboy as a teenager (to this day I still have masculine qualities that I am now proud of and balanced it with my feminine side) but I was so out of touch with what being a "girl" was. I felt really self conscious about not being "woman" enough and had a complicated view on my gender (since I realized I was nonbinary at 14). I became interested in the occult since I grew up in a spiritual household (crystals, manifestation, etc) but never really got to engage with things like tarot or witchcraft because it was considered taboo. I had a reading done one day and I was told that Aphrodite wanted to work with me as my deity. My teenage self was confused by this because I thought - "The goddess of beauty and love wanted to work with me? Well that can't be right." I was expecting something more dark or cool like Hades or Hermes or whatever because that was just my personal style since I dressed very alternatively. I was nervous, but also intrigued. As I begun to pray to her and started doing spellwork - I felt safe, I felt loved, it was like a mother watching over me. I started learning how to do makeup for my ethnic features and became more educated about fashion and what it means to really be a true feminist. I learned to say fuck the binary system and made my own definition of not what just being a "woman" is but also what being "feminine" meant to me, period. You can be whatever you want to be and be beautiful regardless of what your appearance is like. Some days I want to wear snapbacks and sneakers, other times I wanna wear high heels with a flattering dress. I do what makes me feel comfortable and that's nobody's business but mine. Society made us believe that being sensitive, caring, or intuitive - the traits of the divine feminine (which we have in us all) as bad when it's not. There's strength in being soft and delicate. Be gentle towards yourself, my loves.

Embrace your shadow self to manifest your dream life ✨️:

You know what people will never tell you or admit to you on social media? Is that you can be self conscious and still be confident at the same time. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself and knowing despite what you've been through or are feeling in the moment, it should not hold you back from achieving your fullest potential. Like Megan Thee Stallion said "Bad bitches have bad days too" And it's true! I have my good days and then I have my bad days, but even when I'm doubting or losing my faith, I always get back up by keep going. Why? It's because if I stop then I'm not living. I'm not being grateful for the life I still have while there are people out there battling severe illnesses and don't have much time left. Nobody wants to be candid and only want to portray themselves as perfect, when nobody is. It's a damaging narrative to think you have to be popping on social media and always staying positive. I don't know why being vulnerable is such a stigma these days. Everyone is scared of being hurt, sure, but there is so much power in knowing what you makes you happy and being able to voice what your wants/needs are. You get to live for yourself and not what others want you to be. Not to mention the importance of having the power and ability to set the boundaries your inner child probably never got to have?! I'm so tired of people spreading the belief of that you shouldn't talk about mental health, trauma, or personal fears because it makes you seem "weak" or "easy prey". That is the same tactics abusers use to make their victims stay hushed and makes them not able to stand up for themselves. That way of thinking is victim blaming! If you as a person, feel brave enough to discuss what the fuck is going on in your mind that does not make you a weakling, that makes you strong as hell. They are the weak ones for taking advantage of people who were already suffering. It's time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and acknowledge what happened, but do not let it control you. You don't have to let go or get over it, it's okay if it's still a wound for you but you can choose to make it better by creating a better future by working with your higher self. Think about who you want to be, how you want to appear, what career you aspire to have, etc. Either write it down, visualize, or make a vision board. Release the old version of you and thank them for helping you survive.

I have been reading the book Mirror Work by Louise Hay and it entails about how the negative things people said or the difficult experiences we had dealt with in our lifetime gets stored in our subconscious mind. When we make jokes that are self depreciating or engage in self degrading behavior, it harms us even more, preventing us from maturing or loving ourselves. Doing shadow work is uncomfortable for everyone but it is a must to process the patterns in your life and learn as to why you become the person you are today. Being aware of your triggers and what makes you tick. Can make you more emotionally intelligent and be able to have a healthier conversation as well as creating lasting positive connections.

Books I recommend for subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, & healing from trauma:

Mirror Work by Louise Hay

"The Courage to" book series by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Self Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway & Celia Ampel

Psychology of The Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

You can also find shadow work prompts on pinterest.

Don't just say it, do it! 11 ways to actually practice self care:

Making a goal and actually putting the effort in can be tough for some individuals, especially for those diagnosed with depression. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and understand that healing is a journey, not a race! A youtuber I have been enjoying and watching lately is the critically acclaimed, thewizardliz: An Iranian woman who gives advice on confidence, discipline, and more! A video that I watched of hers recently was called and bluntly titled: "How to stop being lazy & pathetic". In most of liz's videos she is someone who is tough but is also tender. She explains that when we are procrastinating it's because we are thinking of just the end goal, which scares us and makes us overthink about what to do or how to do it. When really, we can just take small, simple steps at a time to reach towards what we wish to accomplish, so that way it will feel less intimidating. If you have a essay that's due for example, try to write a few sentences each day, or think about how good it would feel if you were to get a good grade on your paper. Think of it this way - Would you rather slack and be upset you failed? Or would you rather prevent that from happening so you can be proud of what you achieved? Figure out what motivates you as a person and write it down so you can always be reminded of the confident being you wish to become.

Journaling: This is such a crucial hobby that I believe everyone should have. Writing down your thoughts or feelings helps not only increases your intelligence and brain health, but it also helps navigate your feelings better when you are facing a problem. You are able to reflect inward and discover the different parts of your psyche that you never knew you had.

Art: Divine feminine energy embodies the source of creation and life. The same way people with wombs give birth to children, an artist's project can be their beautiful baby. Find what type of art form brings you peace and allows you to express yourself (poetry, songwriting, dancing, painting, woodcarving, etc).

Exercise: I know this is something that some people struggle with (me included 💀) and when people hear that it's like "Ugh, I don't wanna work out! It's too hard!" but just hear me out okay? We have to exercise so our internal organs can stay healthy. When we don't take care of ourselves by not at least taking 15 minutes out of our day by walking, exercising, or cardio, when there is 24 hours in a day... That is a major neglect to yourself. Just remember that it is a privilege that you still have the ability to move, jump, lift, run, squat, and even more. When there are people who suffer from chronic pain and disabilities that are still making sure to take care of their physical health because they have no other choice. When you think about how you're too "lazy" and you can't do it because of your "laziness", think of those people! Cherish the health that you have before it's too late. You can start by stretching, going for walks, or watching workout videos for beginners on YouTube.

Build a schedule: Having a routine is so important because it helps reduce stress and organizes the task that we have to do throughout our day. Make a sleep schedule for yourself as well. Going to bed late until 3 am in the morning or waking up too early is unsafe and makes you less alert when you are out in the world. So please be careful! Try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a day. Drinking tea, taking a warm bath, or using essential oils can help you fall asleep if you don't like using melatonin.

Cleanliness & Hygiene: It's unfortunate that I have to say this but some people were not taught by their parents on how to be clean. Or how cishet men feel that being hygienic is "gay". That's absurd! Everyone should have a clean house, clean body, and a good hygiene routine. There is no excuse for that. Even when I was depressed I still would get up to brush my teeth or wash my hair because I knew that if I were to ever go too long without taking care of my hygiene I'd have to deal with damaging my teeth, hair, or skin. Everything has a cause and effect when you neglect doing self care and that could also be apart of the reason why you feel so down about your looks is due to that lack of poor hygiene. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant and you don’t need to do a 10 step skincare routine all the time. You can buy beauty products for cheap at off price retail stores and can get combs, toothbrushes, etc, at the dollar store. All you gotta do is wash your face and shower daily (scrub in between your ass cheeks, please and thank you 💀), brush your teeth at least 3 or more times a day, moisturize with lotions, use a sunscreen (cus nobody got time for skin cancer), apply deodorant, and that's literally it. You can use toners, serums, and skin treatments if you feel like it but that’s not neccessary unless you have specific concerns (acne, wrinkles, etc).

Personal finance 💵: As a Capricorn ♑️, there is nothing more important to me than having my own money. Knowing how to budget and being responsible with your funds is so crucial. You can manifest prosperity and be wealthy, but if you don't know what to do with a million dollars, how could you ever receive it? It is so attractive when someone is wise with their money. I took elective classes in high school for commercial art, marketing, and personal finance so that way I could learn to how to be independent as an adult and not have to "hustle" or live the struggle life. Always take care of your household bills (utilities, repairs, gas for the car, etc.) first and then leave a certain amount for yourself for when you want to have fun, go shopping, etc. Learn about how to make an investment, as well as stocks, because that is another way that you can make a lot of money (and no I don't mean Crypto or NFTs 😭)

Education is key 📚: READ HEAUXS REEEEAD 👓 Make those sapiosexuals quiver with your big sexy brain 🧠. I just feel like in general we need to be knowledgeable about our history and *Jaden Smith voice* the political state of the world right now. Being dismissive and ignorant is a major turn off. You have to be able to know how to communicate in certain settings or talk about certain subjects, or else you're gonna just look and sound dumb. I don't care if you like to read about insects or flowers, just find a topic that interests you.

Boundaries: A simple way to start implementing self care into your daily routine is by being able to say "Yes." Or "No." I know for women it is hard to assert themselves and say no especially when there is a grimy ass man tryna flirt with you (ayoooo shawty 🤓), but for your own protection you gotta do it. When people know you are not stern and you are not able to defend yourself, they take advantage of that. It makes you an easy target. Let's say for a example, you have a overbearing parent that constantly drains and takes from your energy. This parent doesn't respect you and makes you feel bad about yourself because you let them. When they ask you for something, you can just say; "Thank you but I will not be doing that. It would be an inconvenience for me right now because I have to focus on ___" or "I would prefer not to do that because I have to do ___ this week and it's very important". Even if it's not anything actually important, still say no. Another example is if you have a friend that's toxic and is not elevating you in any type of way (mentally, emotionally, or finacially). Then tell them that and cut them off. You are not obligated to stay around anyone who brings you down. Here is a list of ways to set boundaries professionally. Also learn to stop over apologizing here is what you can do instead. Margot Robbie learned to say "Thank you" instead of saying "sorry" because of Barbie.

Meditation 🧘🏽‍♀️: A useful skill in embracing your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, to help in finding your inner zen. Meditation was something that was tricky for me at first. Most people say to "empty your mind and be still" when meditating and for someone with ADHD, I was like... "Umm, this is boring 💀???" but overtime I tried it a few times again and have grown to appreciate it! I learned that meditation was actually quite helpful for me, especially when I felt burdened with too many tasks, or was dealing racing thoughts. It just really helped me calm down, especially when I was feeling overwhelmed (for people who experience sensory overloads I highly recommend!). I no longer feel ashamed or fearful of when a intrusive thought crosses my mind. I just simply let that thought pass through and go on about my day. The average young adult has over 6,000 thoughts a day, so why would I give something so meaningless power? I am in control of myself and what I react to. For this, it will allow you to do the same.

Spend time with a loved one: I'm sure we all have someone who we consider our comfort person or a special pet that makes us feel calm. Humans are animals, sometimes we need that social interaction to stay sane during troubling times. Make a phone call, text, or plan to meet up with a friend or family member this week. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and ask an acquaintance out for lunch.

Be brave: Remember what I said about stepping out of your comfort zone? That's right. It's time to stop living a life of regrets and live a life of excitement. I want you to think about something you've been really wanting to do lately but haven't pursued it yet because of fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and release it to the universe, your spirit guides, or any deity that you worship. Maybe there is a person you have a crush that you have been wanting to ask out lately or have been wanting to dye your hair a new color but were afraid of how it would turn out. Whatever it is, just have courage to go after what you want for once. For being brave is just about taking a leap of faith, even when you are scared.

How to awaken your inner goddess ✨️:

Loving yourself shouldn't be a chore, it should be a ritual baby 😌! Now for my beginner witches or practioners in closed practices. I know it can be intimidating to start doing deity work. That's why you have to take things slow and go at your own pace. I always recommend starting with doing a cleansing (burning incense, spraying florida water, etc) or a protection spell before doing any other kind of magick. Even though yes, I do worship Aphrodite, it is not neccessary for people to only go to her for a "glow up". There are sooooo many deities who are also gods or goddesses of love, beauty, etc. Naturally, a deity will show you signs that they wish to work with you, so makw sure to be on the look out for that!

Also if you are a woman of color like mwuahhh 😘 then here are a list of deities that also represent love, confidence, beauty, fertility, & creativity in African, Asian, Indigenous, & Pacific Islander religions:

Oshun (closed practice / Yoruba)

Yenaya (closed practice / Yoruba)

Hathor

Bastet

Isis

Astarte

Rati (Hinduism)

Lakshimi (Hinduism)

弁才天 / Benzaiten (Japanese Buddhism)

자청비 / Jacheongbi

仰阿莎 / Yang Asha

Liễu Hạnh

Mayari

Laka

Xochiquetzal

Estsanatlehi

Other deities are:

Apollo, Cupid, Eros, Priapus, Min, Brigid, & Dionyus

There is also ascended masters, saints, archangels, ancestors, & spirit guides that you can connect with. I recommend building a relationship with your ancestors first.

How to talk your deity:

Create an altar for them or a sacred space.

Cleanse the area to avoid interacting with trickster spirits.

Place offerings on the table (make sure to look up what offerings they like!).

Light a candle or burn incense for them.

Write them a letter or pray. You can ask them for help with your specific needs or just talk to them about your day or how you are currently feeling.

BE CONSISTENT! Deities are not one of your little friends, they are gods/goddesses. Show them respect by praying, including them in spellwork, and giving them offerings frequently (they are understanding if you cannot give them food or drinks all the time though if you cannot afford it).

The final boss, The Enchantress 🔮❄️:

"SHADOW MONEY WIZARD GANGGG! We love casting spells 😈"

Alright, alright. I know you guys were reading all this thinking "Bitch where tf is the tutorial??? 😭" BUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY WAS IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN HAVE LONG TERM RESULTS 💀! Here is the moment you've all been waiting forrr 🤭!

101 on Glamour Magick:

The days of the week are connected to the planets.

Friday is a good day for casting love and beauty spells since it's ruler is Venus. While on Monday you can cast spells for healing & enhancing psychic powers, since it's ruler is the Moon. Thursday's ruler is Jupiter so you can cast spells for money and prosperity.

Buy a mirror that is for your special use only (If someone ends up accidently using it it's okay nothing bad will happen to them). Spray it with a window cleaner and wipe it down counter clockwise, say what your intention is for the mirror as you clean it. You can buy any kind of mirror you like (compact mirror, hand held mirror, desktop mirror, etc).

You can use your mirror for scrying or seeing into the future (divination).

When doing your mirror work, look into your eyes, and affirm to yourself. It can be anything you wish to say. Just let it flow naturally. It might feel uncomfortable at first but as you continue to practice it you will feel more confident about it.

Include your deity while affirming. (When I do this, I show appreciation to Aphrodite, and thank her for blessing me with such beauty and grace. Even when in the moment I don't have the results I wish to see, I know it is going to happen because I have faith in her.)

Ask your ancestors what their beauty rituals and regimes were. Doing routines that your ancestors did will create a closer bond with them and also build confidence in your ethnic features.

Items that are represented as love: roses, cinnamon, honey, sugar, vanilla, coriander, basil, chamomile, carnations, tulips, lockets, keys, & hearts

Items that are represented as beauty: cowrie shells, orchids, peony, ribbons, veils, & bows

Items that help enhance intuition: seashells, conch shells, rosemary, lotuses, & feathers

Chinese guashas & jade rollers help reduce stress, tension, and puffiness in your facial muscles. It can also help sculpt your face.

African waistbeads were worn by women under their clothes to help slim their waist and also attract love. Depending on the crystals used, it would also help manifest abundance.

Some beauty crystals used for love, beauty, & intuition are: Rose quartz, jade, pink tourmaline, moonstone, amethyst, selenite, garnet, carnelian, and turquoise.

You can carve sigils or symbols onto your candle, an easy one to use is the venus symbol ♀️.

A list of meanings for the scents of the candle, wax, or deodorizer in your home. Here is the list for incense.

Candles are great to seal your spell jars or use on their own for magick.

A list of different burning sticks you can use (smudging, white sage, and Palo Santo is a closed practice)

The scent of your perfume can be used for seduction or attracting love/popularity.

Soap, shampoo, or conditioner can be used to cleanse your energy.

Ingredients in foods, cleaning, haircare, skincare, or beauty products can have magical properties that you can attract towards you or your home. (I.E: Lavendar for peace & tranquility, Lemon for warding off negative energy, & Vanilla for love)

"The hair theory" trend is a form of glamour magick. Doing your hair differently can create a new persona and change how people perceive you.

Depending on your hair color it can represent the elements.

Your hair texture can symbolize what power you possess: Coily hair grows upward and rises towards the sun. When using their awareness, they are highly observant and courageous. Coily hair has the fire element. Curly hair breaks hexes and spiritually protects the mind. Due to it's volume and resemblance to a cloud, it has the air element. People with wavy hair are intuitive, affectionate, and sensitive, their element is water. Straight hair is the most connected to the earth. People with this hair texture can be introverted, dependable, and grounded.

Your hair length signifies your current state of energy.

Short hair is connected to father sky.

Long hair is connected to mother earth.

It is best to cut your hair when you are in need of releasing stress, anguish, and turmoil.

You can set your intentions into the hair that you braid.

Black people can cornrow patterns or symbols onto their scalp for manifestation.

Locs symbolize freedom and wisdom from the ancestors.

Twists can be used for spiritual binding.

Read here for more on hair witchcraft & hair astrology.

Wearing headscarves, hijabs, bonnets, durags, or hats can protect you from the evil eye or if you're an empath, it can protect your energy from being drained in public spaces.

Do not make any physical changes during a Venus retrograde.

Plastic surgery can alter one's identity. It is like putting on a different mask. It can become an addiction to people who feel lost in life. While for others it can give them a new path to start on.

You can paint sigils or symbols for nail art.

The nail shape you have or get done at a salon can correspond to Onychomancy (https://www.tiktok.com/@taisoleil/video/7035737221068082479?_t=8etXLhtR3LH&_r=1)

You can also use yours or other's eyebrows for divination.

Straight eyebrows: someone who is level headed. Round eyebrows: someone who is compassionate with a kind heart. Arched eyebrows: someone who is independent. Thick eyebrows: someone who can be stubborn and goal oriented. Thin eyebrows: someone who is bold and daring. No eyebrows: someone who is a risk taker and can be careless. The unibrow: symbolizes good luck, fertility, & serendipity.

Your eyelashes are for good luck (which is why people make a wish on fallen lashes, they are similar to dandelions).

Different lash styles can be used as a "barricade".

Manga/spiked lashes: makes you appear pure & innocent, can get away with stuff more. Fluffy lashes: depending on the thickness, it can resemble a spider, therefore can cause someone to have a intensive aura. Cat/hybrid lashes: Increase in clairvoyance, see past the 3D, and have the senses of a feline. Natural lashes: The gaze will be comforting and welcoming to others, they can see into your soul.

Your eye color can mean what powers you have for spells. Colored contacts can create a different outcome.

Glasses can be used for insight and enlightenment. While sunglasses or shades, can make you more mysterious/hide your identity.

For those with periods, cycle syncing can help with increasing productivity.

Depending on your body shape, weight, & features it could symbolize your status in society.

In ancient Greece, people who were voluptuous with plump bellies were seen as healthy & rich. It was a sign of being well fed and treated like royalty.

In Africa & Southeast Asia, long necks signify having dignity & elegance.

Being tall could be seen as powerful, while being short could be seen as delicate. If you are average height, you could be seen as harmonious.

Physiognomy is the method of using the face & body for divination. In China, it is a popular method for readings.

Moles, birthmarks, & skin tags are believed to be the sign of being a Witch.

Vitiligo can mean spiritual purification & finding beauty in your imperfections.

It has been said that freckles are kisses from the angels. These people themselves can be described as earth angels or have a closer connection with archangels.

The form of your freckles can symbolize different things. If they form in a straight line, it could mean you are a focused person. If they are scattered, you like to go with the flow in life. If your freckles come and go during the seasons, you like to experience change or excitement often in your life.

Freckles & beauty marks overall show signs of a person having a unique character.

The clothing you wear can have a mystical effect.

Baggy/layered clothing: spiritually protective. Revealing clothing: free spirited & alluring. Patterned clothing: Makes you illusive or hard to decipher. Animal print clothing: embodies the energy of said animal (I.E: Tiger print would make you appear cunning & fierce). Colorful clothing: your spirit will seem more youthful & vivacious.

The shoes you wear can make you walk into new opportunities unexpectedly.

You can keep a piece of paper that has a spell in your shoes for good luck or attracting your desire.

Buying shoes and watches for your romantic partner is bad luck in hoodoo (Shoes can make someone walk out the door and leave forever. While watches can make someone look at the time they have left with you.)

Earrings can help you hear what others say about you or what gossip is going around. (I heard the most compliments the other day while wearing my gold hoops 💫)

A necklace that has a charm or crystal can be used as a tailsmans, amulet, or pendulum.

Wearing rings on which hand or finger could enhance your abilities.

The same way there is money bowls, you can also make love or beauty bowls, or even use your jewelry box.

You can use color magick when doing your makeup or choosing an outfit.

Primer, lotions/moisturizers, body butters, oils, and gels can be used for sigils.

Foundation is for stability and being secure with yourself.

Concealer "cloaks" or "veils" your weaknesses or insecurities.

Contour makes space and structure for your desire.

Eyeliner can be used as a tool. It wards off negative spirits & people with bad intentions.

In ancient Egypt, the use of Kohl represented rank and achievement.

Mascara can be used to give you a different perspective in things or make you more open minded.

Eyeshadow enhances your eyes & brings more depth or dimension. Makes your gaze hypnotic & enticing like a siren's.

Highlighter shines your best qualities.

Bronzer makes your presence more warm & friendly

Blush is for playfulness, youthfulness, flirtation, and vitality.

The lip product you use can speak your desires into fruition. It also make your words sound more beautiful. People will want to listen more because they will feel attracted to your voice.

Lip gloss: makes your intentions "stick" to you. Lipstick: Leaves a "mark" on your target (especially if it's someone you fancy 💋). Lip stain: makes your words have a permanent effect on people, they won't forget you. Flavored lip balms: makes your kisses addicting.

Powder enhances your spell & adds a touch of good luck.

Setting spray finishes the spell.

528 Hz is the frequency of love.

Listening to frequencies, music, & subliminals can attract your desires.

You can make a playlist for your deity or ancestors to channel messages from them.

Here are some celebrities who used mirror work or glamour magick to manifest:

Beyoncé's Renaissance album has themes of having a good self concept, knowing your worth, manifesting self love & abundance.

Marilyn Monroe used visualization & affirmations to manifest her beauty and fame: “I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed.”

Michael Jackson would keep sticky notes and a diary full of affirmations in his room by his mirror: “I'm beautiful (4x). I'm gorgeous. [Bad..?] Is for me, who can be against me? I'm beautiful. I'm a new person now. Beautiful, knowing the secret, and determined with fire[?] to move mountains in all I do. Molding my own world. I'm beautiful. The old me is behind. I will much ahead anew. - MJ”

Alexa Demie stated in a interview with Vogue that she would say affirmations in the mirror daily in the morning and it helped her manifest clear skin: “I have beautiful, clear, acne-free, scar-free skin.”

Princess Nokia is a bruja and is well known for her constant change in appearance: “Casting spells with my cousins / I'm the head of this coven / I'm a shapeshifting bitch, you don't know who you loving.”

Thanks so much for reading, I wish you all the best of luck on your journey 🤍🤍🤍

#witchcraft #witches of color #witches of tumblr #love spell #glamour magick #mirror work #spell work #astrology #astro observations #pac #pick a card #affirmations #law of assumption #manifestation #ascendant #rising sign #desired appearance #shadow work #tarot #astrology observations #free readings #divine feminine #Aphrodite #hoodoo #greek mythology #orisha #oshun #yemaya #deity work #apollo

[jouxlskaard]

Strap in, fuckers. This is a long one.

I've seen a lot of discourse and discussion recently about why TMAGP isn't resonating with listeners as much as TMA did, with a lot of people pointing towards the infrequent structure of each episode and the lack of subtlety that TMA had once excelled in. And while both of these are true, I think the main culprit that has caused these problems for listeners is one thing: the pacing.

TMAGP is only going to be 60 (Edit: 90) episodes long, compared with TMA's absolute behemoth of 200. When I'd found out about this, I'd assumed that it meant TMAGP would have a much smaller story - not having to establish as much information as TMA did, and allowing the story to have lower stakes as a result. This certainly wasn't a bad thing, as many sequels that have tried to one-up their predecessors have gone disastrously wrong, but I knew that the structure would be different to TMA as a result.

However, from the 12 episodes that we've seen so far, it appears that TMAGP is going to have similar levels of stakes to TMA - not the same stakes, of course, but they'll likely be on close to equal footing. This means that TMAGP has to establish the same amount of information to listeners with significantly less time to do it in, and the pacing has to speed up to adhere to that. In the first 12 episodes of TMA, we had established one possible recurring statement character (Gerry), a disturbing worm woman (Prentiss), and the fact that Jon doesn't like his assistant and refuses to believe any of the statements. In the first 12 episodes of TMAGP, we've established every important protagonist and what they sound like, two recurring statement characters (Bonzo and Ink5oul) with one that has already physically appeared, much of Sam's backstory and his ties to the Magnus Institute and the fact that something is deeply wrong with their workplace. That is a big difference.

This difference in pacing is what I believe is turning listeners away from what they'd originally enjoyed about TMA, because there's no longer that warm, comforting atmosphere when you listen to it. Its sound isn't designed to come from a tape recorder and a tape recorder only anymore; it's no longer a sit-down and listen to the Archivist tell you spooky stories for 20 minutes anymore; and, like I mentioned earlier, the structure is no longer the same throughout each episode. The horror anthology aspect, whilst still being there, has now taken a back-burner to the metanarrative because so much has to be established in so little time. To many, that's a bad thing. They listened to the original because they liked the statements, and the little things connecting them hinted to a much larger story at play. When this story was revealed, we got to see Jonny Sims and his brilliant prose at its best, because there was no longer anything to hide and the statements were in their purest forms - no longer having to establish information to the audience, and simply basking in the fear.

I'm sure we'll get to see the same thing in TMAGP once the narrative reaches that point, but the current pacing has uprooted a lot of listeners' expectations for the show. I'm going to listen to the entire thing, personally; yeah, it's different, and it doesn't deliver the same vibes and comfort as TMA did, and I probably won't be able to fall asleep whilst relistening to the more obscure episodes like I could before, but in a frankly disturbing way, I'm still fascinated with what Jonny, Alex and the other writers have created. This type of horror is the only kind that I genuinely enjoy, and I'm excited to see what direction Protocol goes in.

Edit: I feel like I should clarify that I don't see this comparison as something that takes away from TMAGP. Alex has said that it's going to be different from the get-go, and I do think that comparing it to TMA is an exercise in futility to an extent. I just wanted to talk about the shows together because I feel like they complement one another, and the narrative beats that I've talked about are less to do with TMA on its own and more to do with general narrative structure. We have buildup, payoff and pacing no matter what show it is, because that's what makes a story. I think TMAGP could be taken a little bit like Deltarune in terms of its relation to the original source material: separate entities with some overlap in character and themes. At the end of the day, it's still early days for the show and this entire spiel could just end up gathering dust - I just think it's a cool thing to think about, and it gives me an excuse to infodump about how pacing can affect a narrative and the audience's response to it.

I wrote this while my cat was laying on me. Have a picture as a reward for reading this whole thing.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #writing #tmagp theory #tmagp spoilers #tmagp vague #tma #the magnus archives #magnus archives #magnus pod #the magnus universe #the magnus institute #this isn't my usual post but i write fantasy and horror in my free time #i'm certainly not qualified enough for this to be considered the one and only take #but i've been thinking about it and i think it's kind of interesting #this pacing is actually pretty conventional for horror podcasts #but because we're used to tma levels of pacing it feels contrived #i'm just an aspiring writer guys don't take this too seriously

[agoddamn]

@cardinalgoldenbrow not quite. Something else fell into Duviri.

Not a whole person, but a piece so significant and meaningful that it kicked off the entire paradox meltdown sequence.

The Lotus's hand.

The Lotus had enough conceptual weight to her to give the Drifter the power of the Void, a power the Lotus herself never even had. She is so strongly connected to the Tenno that she connects the Drifter to them by way of her own hand.

Why, then, wouldn't that be conceptually powerful enough to birth a denizen of Duviri?

Gender? Means nothing. Thrax is male and can be spawned from a female Drifter all the same.

Timeline? Duviri experiences time in a way that isn't linear to the Origin System. We already know this thanks to Teshin having been living in Duviri a long time by the time the Lotus's hand lands even though they fell at about the same time.

Let's look at the major beats here.

First, why is Ballas the Warden to Kullervo? "Because he's an Orokin, he's a ruler, the Drifter saw his portraits as a child!" Yeah, plausible, but by that logic Tuvul should be the Warden. Tuvul drove much of the Zariman project. His statues are all over it. The Commons are even named for him. If the Drifter were unconsciously reaching for any authority figure, it should have been Tuvul.

Speaking of authority figures, Executors don't rule Duviri. A king does. Kullervo's texts talk explicitly about Executors and other things about the Origin System in a way that doesn't match Duviri's canon. Why import Ballas as an authority figure and then demote him to Warden all while acknowledging that he ought to be an Executor?

Let's read Kullervo's story.

Hated Kullervo, did you truly believe he could love you? 

Oh, huh. Kullervo was in love with an Executor. One of the Seven. That's--rare. Who would love one of those assholes?

Kullervo's criminal trajectory is most strange. He was in love with an Executor, killed an Orokin to prove it, obeyed a direct Orokin order (why does an authority figure call this a crime?), killed someone like a mother to him--an Archimedean he was trying to rescue from Orokin custody, odd detail there--then attacked the Orokin again, then orchestrated the Night of the Naga Drums.

Man's got loyalties like a ping-pong ball, huh? Why?

The children's rhymes tell a rather different story.

An enslaved warrior torn from his mother. He was born to fight, eventually learned a truth of his birth, saw his home lost. He bursts into a rage, murders, and then kills himself.

This is much much much more straightforward. You'll notice that the children's rhymes don't mention Origin System concepts like Executors, either. Nothing about love.

Why all the complication?

Two distinct narratives, both tossing in details that beg for more elaboration. Why do this, as a writer? Why spend the voice actors' time like this?

I can only think it was done on purpose.

Two different stories, two different readings on the same person. One from Ballas, one from children.

(Huh. They say Kullervo is a friend to children, don't they?)

The Lotus lived very different lives from the perspectives of Ballas versus her Tenno.

Natah was born to war, a mimic spy with a purpose. She left her family--not by choice--and killed her fellow Sentients as the Lotus; a betrayer. She then orchestrated the Night of the Naga Drums; a betrayer twice over, the mother of a bloodbath.

Ballas sees her as a betrayer, someone who loved him and threw him away.

We see beats of Margulis's story here, too--an Archimedean that was like a mother, killed in a struggle that wouldn't have existed if not for the choice of resistance.

Kullervo isn't literally the Lotus, but I believe that he was conceptually born from her.

His stories contain the major beats of her life, only slightly twisted by perspective. Those details are so specific--in love with an Executor? Betrayed their own kind, and then their 'ruler'? A mother figure (so specific! Why not just have her as his mother?) who was an Archimedean, killed because of resisting the authority that ruled them both?

Kullervo is made up of her pieces, like a collage.

I believe that Ballas's presence and the sudden mention of Executors when that doesn't match the rest of Duviri are supposed to be clues to us that something from the Origin System has leaked in to birth Kullervo, that he is not simply an independent figure that existed in the past. When Teshin and Albrecht rolled into Duviri, they did simply that--they entered Duviri and adopted its ways while they lived there. They didn't come with an entire chapter of a story that isn't from the Duviri Tales.

Another point to Kullervo being born from Duviri is that he is treated like he exists in Duviri. Nobody says that he suddenly appeared like Albrecht or Teshin. Acrithis talks about him as if he's a part of the story. They all know his history. It's only the Warden who relates such a different history.

I think that the name Kullervo probably did exist as some minor character in the original Duviri Tales. The Drifter's subconscious applied this to the tangle of trauma that the Lotus conceptually exists as.

tl;dr Kullervotus

#warframe #bootsmeta #the lotus #duviri paradox #kullervo

[psychhound]

ttrpgs in the classroom (part 1)

so as i mentioned briefly before, i've started teaching composition for college freshman (18yos) and as my school has a lot of instructor freedom, i've themed my class on games and specifically ttrpgs. we're reading and playing ttrpgs in class to talk about narrative, structure, audience, writing, etc

we played our first in-class game on friday and it went really well! so i wanted to do a little write up on how i taught it

the game:

we played the family tree by @rabbit-rays which is free/pwyw so i really recommend checking it out!! it's inspired by the radical face albums of the same name

the game is about creating generations of an interconnected social unit (they don't have to be a biological/adoptive family, just people who are socially and emotionally connected to each other) and coming up with stories about them and their relationships to each other. at the end of the game you should have a "family tree" of interwoven characters

the goal:

teach the students about personal narratives; genre, tone, and tropes; how to work collaboratively; how to focus in and scale back on things that aren't explicitly stated; how to develop story and ask why it matters

the methods:

we had five volunteers make a single round of characters for the family tree. the rest of the class determined the genre and tone they wanted for the game. we went around and made the five characters, and then went around again and made the connections between them. the final part of play was employing the bastards optional rule, and we had a sixth volunteer make a character who was still part of the story but was disconnected from the rest of the characters

at the end they all filled out a worksheet with the following questions:

What do you find interesting about the story we’re telling?

Do you think the story fits in the tone or genre the class agreed upon? Why or why not?

What other story does ours remind you of (TV show, movie, cartoon, book, comic, myth, etc)?

What is something you think is happening behind-the-scenes in this story?

What is one thing you think is happening on a bigger scale in this world?

on monday, when i introduce their first assignment, the personal narrative essay, we're going to use the characters they made to come up with examples of essay topics

the results:

it went really well!! i was a little nervous because they had been a quiet class so far (this was only our third day of class) and most of them had little experience with gaming and we had almost 0 ttrpg experience. this was almost everyones first experience playing a ttrpg or a collaborative and not competitive game

the students were a little nervous to come up with the genre and tone, but once they did, everyone agreed and liked it. the characters the students came up with expanded upon and fleshed out both the genre and the setting this was taking place in. everyone seemed excited about the characters the players were coming up with, and when it came time to make the connections, students other than the players asked if they could jump in and help flesh things out as well. everyone was very intrigued when i brought in the optional rule to have someone make a disconnected character, and while the student who got volunteered (one of the other students pointed to him so i asked if he would) was a little hesitant to participate, he ended up making a character everyone really liked

when we filled out the worksheet, i got a lot of interesting answers back, and we had some running themes in what else the students thought was happening in this world. most of the students thought the characters did fit the genre and tone and could explain why. i got back answers of more connections they thought were happening that hadnt been fleshed out and why the disconnected character was still an important part of the story

everyone was very disappointed we had to leave these characters because they had a good time playing

SO A BIG SUCCESS FOR OUR FIRST GAME!! i'll be back to report future ttrpgs we use and how!!

#indie ttrpgs #ttrpg community #teaching #ttrpgs in the classroom #anyway :o) survived my first week of grad school!!!

[smytherines]

I love One Step Ahead for all the obvious reasons (gay angst), but also because it is so packed with little storytelling moments. Also it just seems exhausting. So much happens in that song:

1. Motorcycle chase (with office chairs)

2. Boat chase

3. Staff fight

4. Sword fight

5. Vigorous musket loading

6. Run up the staircase

7. Hang glider chase

8. Fistfight

9. Run halfway down the stairs again

And the entire time they are doing all of this, they're belting out a vocally demanding song. I mean, no wonder Curt Mega had to take a breath during that final note. That's a feat of endurance. I simply would've passed out and died.

One Step Ahead is one of my favorite setpieces of all time. In anything. Ever. It is so impressive, and it is even more impressive when you realize this was done by a tiny little independent company with the theatre budget equivalent of $1.50. Unreal. It should not be possible.

And the thing is, One Step Ahead is the perfect narrative counterweight to A1P1 (Spies Are Forever). The amount of thought they put into this is just stunning. Because here's the thing: A1P1 is also incredibly physical. For most of the song Curt and Owen are on the move, they're going up the ladder, they're fighting goons, they're going down the staircase, they're running.

But more importantly, Curt and Owen are touching a lot in A1P1. And yeah, that's fun in a swoony curtwen vibes way, but its also incredibly important to the narrative. They are touching a lot, and when they aren't touching they are standing just a little bit too close together. Its subtle enough that you initially dismiss it as a stylistic choice, but once you have the full context it is remarkably intimate.

Those are important details- like the way Owen has his arm around Curt and is literally holding his hand when they're talking to Cynthia. Its meant to tell us that they are together. In the romantic way, yes, but also they're just aligned, working together, on the same page. They are partners here. They literally have each other's backs.

And that's down to Curt Mega and Joey Richter selling the absolute shit out of these roles, and genius choreography by Lauren Lopez, and Corey Lubowich being the director of all time.

The digital download BTS has a part with Joey and Curt rehearsing the bit where they do the hug, and right after that they're trying to figure out what cool action poses to move into and Corey says that he wants to see something with them "connected," which is just... yeah, that's the perfect word to describe what is going on in A1P1. These two are connected.

So then we get to One Step Ahead. At the very beginning, Curt does the arm clasp with Tatiana. The first time they did this, Curt had a flashback of Owen. Owen was still his partner in his heart. But this time that bond is severed. Curt thinks of Tatiana as his partner now.

We get into the action of the song, and Curt and Owen do not touch. Even when they are very physically close together, there are weapons between them. In A1P1 they had lots of moments with their backs turned to each other, trusting each other, working perfectly in sync. In One Step Ahead they are facing each other head on. They are literally and figuratively fighting. They are breaking up.

The only moment during this sequence where they are actually touching each other is when Owen slaps Curt, Curt punches Owen twice, and they do that lock up move. They're only touching to hurt each other now.

And its so subtle and well executed that you don't really think about the parallels between these two scenes the first time you watch them. But you feel it on an emotional level. They had about ten minutes to establish the relationship between these two, and they used that ten minutes so effectively that the staircase scene ends up hitting like a ton of bricks.

Just. I love this show. I love how much TCB and Curt Mega and the rest of the cast care about this show. I'm so grateful they keep coming back to it. I cannot wait to see what they do with these scenes for Spy Another Day.

#spy another day #spies are forever #owen carvour #agent curt mega #tin can bros #curtwen #saf #tcb #tinlightenment world tour #saf rants

[sygneth]

Just a thought but let's stop for a moment and think about how Jean we see in the game is the worst version of himself, not his standard behavior, yes?

Like. He's been dealing with Harry's shit for a while now trying to keep him in line, excusing him to the captain and other precinct members, he's been cleaning his mess and all of this struggling with his own issues, just to hear that Harry "doesn't want to get better, he wants to get worse" and what Jean does is cramping his style and he should finally fuck off. When he comes back to Martinaise thinking that Harry's just playing his usual shit and tries to justify himself in the most stupid way, still being pissed for the fallout they had earlier (I mean, it's quite normal to be pissed after an argument, yeah) and then he finds out that no, Harry has really lost all his memory and doesn't remember shit. What makes him even more pissed, because, you know. You argue with somebody, you maybe expect an apology but you know you won't get it if you won't be the first to reach out, so you decide to do it anyway, and then you find out the other person doesn't remember what they did. And you're still pissed about that argument, and now also pissed, as you don't see any way of making up if they don't fucking remember and you don't really feel like explaining it to them, because you're still pissed. Well, it's not like there is no way, but for now, you're to mad to see it. You just wanted it to be over and you're stuck again.

Now let's add to this equation that one of the most important to him people don't recognize him and he cannot do anything about it. His boyfriend best friend doesn't remember him, at all. Something he didn't really expect when they argued and he left, probably thinking stuff like "this is so over" and "I don't want to know him anymore". (Careful what you wish, for, if you're unlucky enough, you may receive it). Sounds frustrating to me. Sounds like a very bad combination when you're already depressed and feel like shit yourself and deep inside you need someone, because you're a human and have human needs, but you get left with nothing.

Let's spice it up even more with the fact that Jean actually leaving Harry in Martinaise before the events from the game may suggest that some part of him noticed how unhealthy and mutually toxic their relationship was and that was an attempt of getting out of it, and not falling again into the same, old dependent patterns. And yet. If he didn't leave, there is a huge chance Harry wouldn't have drunk himself to oblivion. And well, it probably only adds to Jean being pissed and frustrated. Because if he didn't leave, he would be mad at himself for babysitting Harry once again and fixing his mess. And now he is mad at himself because he let Harry erase his memory. And being a Jamrock boy with no awareness and probably little connection to his own emotions he gets it out on Harry.

Oh yes, and half of the time he's probably really fucking anxious that someone will find out what has happened and they will all get dicked for it, possibly could even lose jobs, and while he wants to think it's all Harry's fault, it's actually their shared responsibility and he knows about it, so it only adds up.

So yeah, that was the worst week probably not only in Harry's life (but he's fortunate enough not to remember the worst part of it), but also in Jean's, and what we see is probably him acting in his worst possible way, as the sky has quite literally fallen onto his head. And I'm not saying it as "he's a real victim of the story". Many people are affected by Harry's behavior and many people are responsible for what happened, including Jean (and not only events from right before the game, but all the little mistakes and misunderstandings and unhealthy mechanisms they both with Harry got themselves into). Also, he's acting like an ass when he is angry and I'm not trying to deny it. I'm just noticing here that the narrative doesn't give us a representative sample of Jean Vicquemare, only the most shitty, pissed, frustrated, and anxious one.

#hate me for saying it out loud idc #i think some people need to hear this though #jeanalysis #let's fucking goooo #jeanposting #jean vicquemare #jean heron vicquemare #disco talking #disco elysium #deep analysis

[intrulogical]

shakes you. YOU DON'T GET IT GUYS!!! working through intrusive thoughts is one of the best sasi episodes for how much it reveals about logan and remus and yes i am biased to intrulogical but there is!!!! a reason!!!!

obviously beforehand we just acknowledged remus as one of the people logan debated against throughout the series but no THIS time we have to acknowledge how they're two sides of the same coin!! they r the same kind of character!! there's an implied deeper narrative connection between these two by how much remus KNOWS about logan's vulnerabilities and actively pushes his buttons more than any other side does to get him to snap!!!

to explain, one of the reasons this episode is so important is because we gain the opportunity to learn more about remus as a character. in dwit, we're just introduced to his personality— gruesome, random LOL humor, a bother. but what wtit establishes is how he perceives being viewed as a bother AND how his "random LOL" personality is actually more deliberate than what we thought it is.

one— remus is bothered by being ignored. "you're going to pretend i don't exist so i'm gonna pretend you don't exist" is the BIGGEST evidence of that, coupled with the fact that this sentence exactly mirrors what apparition!nico said to thomas. in fact, the fact that these two match completely proves that what remus is projecting onto thomas through nico isn't just thomas' insecurities but some of remus' as well. this is my first talking point on why i think remus and logan are different sides of the same coin. they are suppressed!!! they are LITERALLY fighting for thomas' attention in the episode.

and they both lose. holy shit guys. they r literally the sides thomas hate the most and they literally both lose and thomas doesn't listen to them and!!! ARE YOU HEARING ME THEY R NARRATIVE MIRRORS!!!!!

and second— i'd love to add that remus is proven to be extremely deliberate. people like to write remus as someone "who does anything he wants for no reason" but that's not the entire story. think of it this way: remus HAS left-field goals and aspirations, but he is extremely committed to fulfilling them, which makes him deliberate. his entire thing in wtit is to bother thomas as much as possible, and he stays COMMITTED to that. he has plans and he thinks and he's smarter than what most people believe. why do you think he had a notepad w all his plans written on it????

again, he IS a mirror to logan, not only in methodology but end goals??? like do you ever wonder what role remus serves as a side. and i mean obviously he's intrusive thoughts and we all hate intrusive thoughts, but in essence, each side believes they are benefiting thomas whether you agree with their methods or not. remus imposes his ideas onto thomas because he believes them to be beneficial. in this situation where thomas is at his lowest, remus actually serves an interesting role of being thomas' alarm clock.

what do i mean by that? what i mean is, so much of the series shows the sides seemingly finding a perfect solution for each predicament they go through. but in reality, thomas going through issues by himself is SUPER unhealthy and unrealistic. remus serves as a reality checker to thomas. the more intrusive thoughts thomas receives in uncontrollable amounts, the more thomas would realize that hey, maybe i SHOULD go see a therapist for my problems.

AGAIN, ANOTHER MIRROR TO LOGAN BC I CAN'T GET ENOUGH. logan is the one who imposes the alarms in wtit to remind thomas to do certain chores. these two are basically cues for thomas to actually RESPOND to his mental health issues, but logan is more solution-based while remus is more emotion-based.

AND THEY R WHAT, STILL NOT LISTENED TO! but the important thing to realize is that, w so many implications about them being mirrors, something is Bound to happen, specifically to logan, that would eventually reach thomas and slap him into reality. remus and logan share the same goal, after all— to be listened to and for thomas to recognize his mental health issues. when remus says "gee logan now you're speaking my language" after logan got mad at him, remus is saying "now you understand why i use emotion as a means of getting other people's attention (and i hope you know who to use that against next time)" AND THAT MAKES ME INSANE. REMUS AND LOGAN R INSANE. they r scary powerful as a tandem and may change the course of thomas' life in the future and PLEASE SEE MY VISION Y'ALL THEY R MIRRORS

#sanders sides #remus sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #intrulogical #my analysis #sanders sides meta #long post

[jq37]

Man, Gorgug HUMILIATED that worm. Everybody was on their A+++ game. Almost all of them solo'd at least one of the big monsters. And extra credit to all the Bad Kids for their post-battle paranoia. Riz must have been quietly proud of them the whole time.

Now for next week, we'll finally get our steaming lore-dump. The most important one for me being what the eff is Kipperlily's damage? This apparently started in Freshman Year, but outside of the Prompocalypse, the most publicly known things the Bad Kids did that year were killing Daybreak (which is what put them on the social map at least among the freshmen) and the brawl against Aelwyn and her elementals. The only other thing from that year that might have a longshot of being connected is that maybe she knew one of the members of Johnny Spells' gang and is pissed they got killed.

From a comedic standpoint, her being just an immature hater who can't stand that she and her clique aren't the top dogs of their class, makes the most sense. Penelope Everpetal destroyed her entire life, betrayed everyone who loved her and damned her soul to hell, for about a minute of being prom queen and then getting killed. So it's not impossible that KL and the Grinder's whole deal is something super petty. But that feels too easy, I dunno. Anyway, a good story should keep you guessing and this is a good story. Let's see if they can wrap this up in the five episodes they've got left.

They really all showed how proficient they've gotten in battle! From damage to strats to buffing each other. It was a real exercise in hyper-competency which I love. I know nail biters are more narratively tense and stuff but sometimes it's nice to watch characters you love just absolutely wreck house.

Kipperlilly does really seem like the kind of person who would Penelope style just go full Sara Berry and start killing people for some petty as reason like she wants to be Rogue Valedictorian, but I don't think it would be the strongest move narratively to have that happen a second time, just with a nerd instead of a popular girl. It could def happen because, like I said, she has the personality for it and there's the god side of things to add more depth to the story if the RG stuff is too petty on its own. But my current guess is that whatever petty wants she has was the spark but there's more going on. Like you said, hopefully we'll find out soon.

(One last thing: I feel very uneasy that we keep hearing about this Devil's Honey but we don't know what it's being used for. Like, this stuff lets you lie to gods. How can we trust anything fully until that's sorted?)

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #asks #farmer-10

[coffeeandsadbooks]

In replies to my post a couple of people have expressed the opinion that Erik didn't care about Wille going through rough initiation/saw it as a necessary experience for his brother.

@raincitygirl76: "Erik wasn’t worried about Wilhelm’s upcoming initiation in 1.01 because Erik got initiated as a first year himself, and it was probably nearly as or just as brutal as the initiation he subjected August, Nils, Vincent etc to. It’s Wilhelm’s turn to suffer. In a few years it’ll be his turn to inflict the suffering. So Erik isn’t worried about Wilhelm.

That’s how hazing perpetuates itself. Most people who went through it and survived convince themselves it wasn’t as bad as they remember. So they pack their own kids (or in this case their kid brother) off to the place where they got hazed, and they don’t see it as a problem.

Erik would be considered a lousy Forest Ridge graduate if he gave his little brother a heads up beforehand that it would be brutal. Or if Erik asked August to go easy on Wilhelm. Erik doing so would imply to the current third years that Erik thinks Wilhelm is weak. If he cant get through the typical initiation unlike all the other boys, is Wilhelm even worthy of belonging to Forest Ridge?

So no, Erik would neither warn Wilhelm nor intervene with August."

I see how it could work in real life but it doesn't work for a piece of media. Because it is the opposite of good storytelling. Good storytelling means introducing important themes in the beginning, not two episodes before a series finale. Good storytelling means including hints and clues that start to make sense only after the reveals are made.

SA plotline turned out to be crucial for how conflicts in the show had been resolved. It was an important if not the main factor behind Wille's intention to renounce his title in the future. Therefore, SA plotline should have been treated as such since the very first episode.

If it was conceived as pivotal at the very beginning, we would see the signs of it.

For example:

Erik wouldn't look like a happy idiot while in Hillerska. Maybe he wouldn't have a talk with August or warn Wille, but we would see something was bothering him;

during the parents' weekend some of them could express their concern over initiation rituals back in their days;

the initiation August, Nils and Vincent went through should have been discussed — by them or by other senior students;

the warnings Hillerska supposedly got in the last decade would have been mentioned;

when Henry was talking about Hillerska's problem with applications or when the headmistress was insisting on August paying tuition, Hillerska's financial situation could have been connected to its toxic culture;

Sara's initiation was a great moment to give the audience a hint: yes, rituals of The Manor House are crazy, but they are nothing in comparison to the Forest Ridge ones.

None of that was done. A crucial plotline has been consistently treated as backdrop to the main plot. Why?

I don't follow interviews of the cast and creators, but my understanding is that Lisa Ambjörn has been actively participating in shaping a certain narrative around her writing. She specifically insists that the plot of the whole show had been established even before S1 started shooting.

SA plotline and the glaring absence of foreshadowing around it is just one example that makes me question this narrative.

#young royals #young royals analysis #yr s3 #lisa ambjörn #s3 was a mess and i am already tired of discussing it #and we barely scratched the surface #i should be writing not hanging online #tw: mentions of sa

[inbarfink]

I guess the only thing that actually bothers me about the whole ‘David Theory’ thing in DHMIS, is how, like… I think it leads people to examine that aspect of the Death episode entirely as a Way to Decode the Secret Lore of DHMIS and stuff - and to kinda ignore the Meaning and Context of it in the actual episode?

Like, whatever or not the ‘David’ Stuff means something for some sort of Hidden Grand Narrative, I think it’s also important to remember that it also has a very important emotional theme within just the context of the episode itself.

Because the whole thing about Duck being buried under the name David and being memorialized with things he never did… leaving aside any possible lore implications, this is first and foremost a really poignant message about how much it hurts to see the people closest to you being remembered wrong. 

It is not uncommon for grieving friends and/or family to watch their deceased loved one get ‘twisted’ after their death, being immortalized as something different from what they remember, something they know is wrong. Whatever it is because of refusing to speak ill of the dead, or trying to fit them into a more comfortable narrative, or doing a Performative Mourning for a person you didn’t actually know well, or people just refusing to accept the person the deceased actually was...

(Like, okay, let's not beat around the googly-eyed anthropomorphic bush. I don't know if that was the creator's intention but this is a VERY common experience for queer folks. Like, 'being buried and mourned under the wrong name' isn't just some sort of absurd cartoony exaggeration - that is a real terrible thing that happens to real trans people!)

And it hurts because memorialization SHOULD be an important part of their healing process. It should be comforting that your loved ones will live on in the memories of people, that you can reminisce and commiserate about your loss with others… but sometimes, the person who lives on is just not the same person, sometimes no one seems to talk about the person you lost.

This is what Red Guy and Yellow Guy go through with the whole ‘David’ thing in the episode. The mourners claiming to be ‘friends’ despite not even knowing Duck’s proper name (I mean we don’t know it either but still) is just the most literal interpretation of seeing people performatively grieve for people they don’t even know.

And that whole angle, I think, is very important to the episode themes and - like - Red and Yellow behavior throughout it. Like, this is a huge reason why they couldn’t get on the ‘right’ way to grieve.

And if you want, you can also connect it to the Deeper Hidden Lore Theory about David. Like, I suggested it in a previous post the idea that rather than just Yellow Guy being some sort of version or manifestation of David Lesleyson - it’s all Three of Them who represent different aspects of David. And that Yellow is simply the favorite because he’s Lesleys favorite part of David - the innocent and inquisitive child. 

And you can connect that theory to this whole aspect of the Death episode. Like, the Three of Them are all different ways people remembered the actual David and Yellow was simply Lesley’s version. Or if he’s Lesley’s favorite because he’s based on the parts of David she’d like to remember. 

For Lesley, David will always be remembered as her innocent and curious little kid, no matter how much more complicated the truth was (he might’ve had more snarky and selfish qualities like Red Guy or Duck). And in a way, that is not much different than just straight-up burying him under the wrong name.

#don't hug me i'm scared #dont hug me im scared #don't hug me #i'm scared #dhmis #dhmis tv series #dhmis analysis #dhmis theory #dhmis tv show #dhmis death #dhmis david #dhmis lesley #lesley dhmis #david dhmis #red guy dont hug me im scared #red guy dhmis #red guy #duck dhmis #dhmis duck #dhmis yellow guy #yellow guy don't hug me i'm scared #yellow guy dhmis #yellow guy

[mikesbasementbeets]

i’ve been thinking a lot about elmax recently and how it seems like the show is genuinely setting them up romantically, while also consistently establishing max and lucas as a romantic pair

keep in mind, this is the show that has been setting up byler since season 1. they seem to know what they’re doing when it comes to queer coding, so i refuse (for the purposes of this analysis at least) to believe they’re unaware of what they’ve been doing so heavily and blatantly with elmax, and also with max in particular (el too, but i’m focusing on max).

i've talked about why i think mike wheeler is gay. this is why i think max mayfield is bi. and elumax should be endgame.

queer coding of max mayfield

right off the bat: her name. max. just like el was at first, due to her shaved head, max is mistaken for a boy by those who don't know her. first the party, who see the name madmax at the arcade, and later dr. owens in season 4 (he might even assume that she's el's boyfriend). when she's first introduced by mr. clarke using her full name, maxine, she quickly corrects him. it's max.

this leads into the larger point of queer coding around max. her androgynous fashion sense, the way she carries herself, distancing herself from performative femininity, ie, playing video games ("girls don't play video games,"), skateboarding, making friends with an all male friend group, her general "tomboyish" presentation and attitude - all of it reads as heavily queer coded to me. i'm not saying that any of these things is necessarily queer, or mean that a person in real life is queer, but the way it all comes together in max feels like a purposeful character choice.

i'm not an expert in queer coding so there's probably a lot i'm missing, but one of the biggest signs for me is max's constant association with rainbows. the other characters have their color palettes, and max has rainbows. literally. as many times as mike and will have been coded with rainbow imagery, max is drowning in it.

and then there's the most important piece of queer coding... her relationship with el. i'll come back around to that though, because i want to talk about boys first. because clearly, max does like boys.

this shot is largely played for comedic relief, but it actually does something important for the narrative i think. it establishes again, with a max that has (once again) broken up with lucas for reasons she doesn't seem to have really explained, that max is attracted to men. my optimistic reading of it is honestly, "hey, we know what we've been doing here with max, so just in case you were thinking she's a lesbian... she's not." ...or if you want a different fun read of it... max realized she likes girls recently (i'll get to that) and is just making sure she still likes boys. ladies dig it? do they steve? oh, wait, yeah.

she's also talked about other boys with el in the past, showing pretty unambiguous interest in them

(these scenes are still so gay though seriously... "you must be an angel".... contrasting milven's scene where el didn't like mike's singing... rainbowsrainbowsrainbows... talking about kissing and then emulating a spin the bottle game, later introducing el to wonder woman while they're in bed together, waking up together always rainbows come ON)

and of course, the other most important part of this, her relationship with lucas, which is shown continuously to be one of real, romantic attraction. in season 2, this was mostly established through contrast with her relationship with dustin, who also had a crush on her. max and lucas start off by becoming close as friends, and then begin to develop a romantic connection. max and dustin, meanwhile, are established several times as not clicking in the same way that max and lucas do. they have heart-to-hearts that feel intimate and genuine, and, as steve and dustin discuss, are layered with the kind of "electricity" that denotes mutual attraction.

at the same time though, while we understand that it's genuine on both sides, we're shown that max and lucas' relationship is far from perfect.

for a couple that reads as endgame and has parallels with several of the other endgame couples, they also parallel a lot of the obviously not endgame couples. i'm gonna come back around to that too. first, the other thing.

romantic coding of elmax

elmax. honestly, i can't even get into everything i want to, because it's literally everything about them.

first of all, the start of their friendship is byler romantic coded

"i just walked up to you and i asked... it was the best thing i've ever done."

this sequence in particular though. this is. so bi coded i'm going insane. (also rainbows rainbows rainbows)

not hopper, not mike. you. (there's more to life than stupid boys. *HOLDS HER HAND*)

the next sequence is also pretty gay imo but is also kinda just gals being pals, so i'm gonna focus on the song, Material Girl by Madonna. this is definitely meant to be about eleven here, finding herself, away from mike (and it's also just a great shopping montage song), but the shot layout also subtly indicates that it applies to max and lucas too.

"some boys hug me, some boys kiss me, i think they're okay." and what about girls, max? what do you think of them? el? opinions?

(the clothes are emulating a literal rainbow flag behind her ok red yellow blue green purple and max is the orange she's part of the flag like shut UP i can't do this anymore)

and. okay. look, i'm not going to fully explain this one but i need to point it out.

getting back at the straight girl bullies (shown flirting with a boy) in front of a burger king. max taking off her sunglasses (we've talked about the symbolism of mike's shades in season 4) as they run away holding hands. taco bell coming soon. "there's more to life than stupid boys." like. am i reading way too much into this? (yes)

even back to their first meeting though, i'm seeing the seeds being planted. go ahead and read this as purely platonic admiration if you want, i don't care, but there's no way in my mind, especially after seeing seasons 3 and 4. like imagine you're a young bi teenage girl who's been hearing stories about this awesome girl with superpowers who saved everyone's life and then mysteriously disappeared, and then she suddenly mysteriously reappears, saves your life too, and walks in looking like this

personally, my tiny gay heart would stop.

yeah

but let's actually move on to season 4 for a minute.

season 4 was setting up canon bisexual max

i'm going to argue something here that i don't have a ton of actual evidence for: i think one of the reasons max broke up with lucas after season 3 is that she realized her feelings for el. max's arc in season 4 is all about her dealing with the trauma of last season, and guilt for her role in what happened. the guilt is extremely important to this. it's a big part in why vecna chooses his victims: not just kids with trauma, but kids who feel shame surrounding their trauma. most of that for max obviously has to do with billy's death. but i think there's something else that max is dealing with too.

as soon as i started season 4 i was struck with strong “queer max” vibes. first of all, her more feminine and rainbow splashed outfits from season 3 have been replaced again with the more tomboyish, androgynous style of season 2. and then there's the first sequence we get to running up that hill (which starts, funnily enough, on a scene of el walking down the hall at school, upset). the first time i watched this i was literally shocked because it read so explicitly queer to me.

first, max looks at group of girls (thinking about el, most likely)

her gaze trails after them, and then, next shot, max looks at a couple kissing

and then max looks at lucas

only after watching it again did i realize it didn't necessarily have to be queer coding (if you take it as max missing her friend and then, separately, her ex-boyfriend) but holy shit, if that's what they meant, they did NOT have to put the couple making out in between those two shots, with further shots of max looking away almost guiltily. we all know that lucas was max's boyfriend. they didn't have to precede that shot of him with the shot of the couple. that's already their established dynamic (and we haven't even learned at this point that they've broken up).

what's not been established yet though, is the idea of max and el as a couple. and i think..... that's possibly what's being hinted at here through max's perspective. the sequence of shots is so telling: 1. girl friends, 2. couple kissing, 3. ex-boyfriend. guilt. what i'm getting from this sequence of shots is that max's friendship with el is something she's thought about in a romantic light. max is making this association. and feeling guilty about it when she looks at lucas. whom, despite their closeness still at the very end of season 3, months after starcourt, she has since broken up with. the reason the show establishes for this is that max has been pulling away from everyone since billy's death, dealing with the fallout in her family, her mother's emotional absence and alcoholism, etc, and her own grief, guilt, and trauma around it. that makes perfect sense, and i'm not saying it's not true. but i think el moving away was also a factor.

it wasn't until season 4 that max was shown to have really pulled away, after el moved to california. maybe it's a reach, maybe it's nothing, but max as a character is so similar to mike, who was shown to have exactly this response to the byers' moving away: isolating himself and pushing away his friends, suffering his depression alone, and talking to no one about it. meeting el in season 3 showed us a new, bubbly happy side to max (that, yes, probably also came from the rest of her friendships and lucas, but el's is the one we were shown). max and el spend almost the entire season together, and max is undoubtedly going to be affected by her best friend moving away. especially if, like mike, it feels like she's losing more than a friend.

it's not just those shots though. when lucas tries to talk to her later, telling her he knows something's wrong... as soon as she turns around, there's a rainbow.

"right, yeah, there must be something wrong with me because i broke up with you."

then in dear billy, lucas confronts her again. and the language reminds me of karen's speech to mike in season 1. and jonathan's to will in season 4. "you know you can talk to me, right? i'm here for you."

guilt and shame are a big part of max's plot this season. the two characters most associated with that for max are billy and vecna - max feeling guilt over billy, and vecna using that guilt against her.

and those scenes also feel intentionally queer coded to me.

and then there's the dear billy flashback sequence.

while she's trying to escape vecna using her happiest memories, max is also comparing her relationships with lucas and el. they are both friendships. and they are both romantic. she thinks of them in alternating flashbacks. lucas, then el, then lucas and dustin, then el, then max's face, then lucas and dustin, then el, then max's face, and then this particular sequence: lucas, el, mike.

this may a reach, but... if she has feelings for el, she's probably feeling guilty around mike, too. this is the only shot of mike in the sequence. after this, in quick succession, it's lucas, then lucas, then lucas, and then el.

then lucas, then lumix snowball kiss, then max's face, then high fiving el, then her eyes open, and she breaks free

there are more shots of lucas than of el, but that's just the thing: max keeps trying to just think of lucas (because, as shown by the shot of mike, the way she's thinking about el makes her feel guilty, which is the opposite of what she wants), but el keeps coming back in. she thinks of her first kiss with lucas, and then thinks of high fiving el after they "dumped their asses." and that's the shot that breaks her out.

(and the song itself? 1. birthdaygate coded, 2. ROMANTIC. baby, darling, angel. you must be an angel. the voice of an angel saving victor creel from henry, el saving max. i'm reaching again. but. seriously.)

and then the flashbacks in episode 9 (and i'm not even touching el's flashback montage here). it's so difficult to be brief about this because they're literally doing SO MUCH here. i'm might have to make a separate post with every shot in this sequence because it's so good. (edit: here)

literally just. go back and watch the entire thing if you need to, but i need to go through this. elmax is unbelievably romantic coded this episode. there is no getting around it.

max chose the snow ball as her happy memory to hide from vecna in, but it didn't work. when vecna finds her, he says, "you can't hide from me, max." max turns around and, with a determined look, closes her eyes. closing her eyes almost seems like she's trying to keep hiding, but facing the door where venca is feels more like defiance. she's not going to try to hide anymore...

in the first shot, she spins the bottle in her mind, and her memories flicker from her first time meeting lucas, to the movies with lucas, to the start of her friendship with el, back to the spinning bottle, and then. the last two shots repeat. movie date with lucas, el approaching her in the street. but the lucas shot flickers shorter, and the el shot lingers, and then it's max's mom tying her hair too tight for the snow ball.

like maybe... this wasn't her at her happiest. forced conformity is killing the kids, right?

and the bottle flickers in again and it's el. it's max dancing in el's room, you must be an angel...

and then we come back to max's face and there are rainbows reflecting in the light

"is mike a good kisser?" el laughing, more rainbows

after that, she gets distracted by vecna and broken out of her memories, and when el shows up, max asks,

"are you real? did i make you?" she was thinking so strongly of her memories with el, she thought that it had worked.... and everything is romantic coded, there's nothing even to argue for here, it's just. there. seriously, like. just watch the episode. it's elmax.

after this the focus goes back to el mostly and it's still extremely romantic but i can't get into it anymore, i need to focus on max.

the way it all ends brings me back to the elumax question again. because right here, i'm clearly seeing elmax/byler vs. lumix/milven. paralleling mike's love monologue failing to help el, lucas' protection, both physically and in her mind, was not enough to save max.

that was el. that was el that saved her. (of course, she saves your life because of "friendship")

el's love for max is what saved her. not mike. not lucas. elmax.

going back to the latter half of season 3... el and max's relationship progressed very quickly through shared trauma, and max is the one there for el all season... and when billy dies, el is the one who holds her.

season 3 also made it clear that max's relationship with lucas wasn't without flaws.

all of the romantically inept things that mike was doing with el? lucas was doing them first, max was breaking up with him, and lucas was later advising mike on how to fix it. and especially by the end of the season, max seems much more like she's in el's corner than lucas'.

why i think it's possible max and lucas might end up as friends

after she's broken up with him in season 4, lucas spends most of the time just trying to be her friend again. he doesn't even seem bothered by their breakup (although we don't know how long ago it was), he seems to really just want her in his life again, to talk to him.

and, yes, they spend season 4 rebuilding the relationship in a way i think would be beautiful to see work out romantically. but i don't think it's inevitable. (remember that they also rebuilt stency this season.... as much as they might like each other, we've been shown in past seasons that their romantic relationship was flawed.)

i wish i could get into all the parallels, because they're the biggest part of what confuses me on the show's endgame goals but i really can't because it would take up an entire post. the duffers love parallels, obviously, it's one of their main narrative techniques at this point. and i think they usually work really well, because they're not trying to show that each of these characters or couples is exactly the same. they use parallel situations to exemplify the small details that make each character and relationship unique.

for example, milven and stency often parallel each other, but they're not quite the same. i don't think mike ever had genuine romantic feelings for el. he thought he liked her, but ultimately he's gay. nancy, on the other hand, did genuinely have a crush on steve (hc her as a lesbian if you want, i fully support that, but i think the show thinks she likes boys). that is the show's example of a teenage crush that sparks and then fizzles, not turning into deeper love.

whereas lumix, which also sometimes parallels these two ships (for example, their habit of sitting across from each other rather than beside. not always though... they're inconsistent), i believe is an example of a love that is real and genuine... but might not be meant to last forever. because in addition to those other two, they also parallel byler, jopper, and jancy, which i believe are endgame ships.

to be honest... all of this makes me believe even more firmly in gay mike too. because unlike mike’s complete lack of romantic feeling for el, or nancy's naive crush on steve, this is a narrative that sets up genuine, but possibly not everlasting love. a bi character discovering her sexuality by falling for her best girl friend while she’s dating a guy she also really likes. i think lucas is max’s first love, but not her only.

however

all this said, i also think it's very likely that lucas and max will end up together, and el might end the show on her own. lucas and max are NOT milven or stency, and whatever flaws they have don't necessarily spell out a doomed relationship. there's a lot of good there too, i just didn't get into it here.

and el's whole character arc has been about family, friends, and finding herself outside of other peoples' influence. i think this could still work if she were with max, since max has always been the most supportive of el's independence and self-fulfillment, but i can really see the show ending with el on her own, and it being a natural and positive conclusion to her journey

either way though, i think with everything they've been doing, they might actually confirm in canon that max and el have romantic feelings for each other (...or indicate it so obviously that they think it’s undeniable and then later confirm in interviews when most viewers don’t get it because they’re too subtle for their own good)

anyway, here's how elumax can still happen

look, i don't really trust the show to be able to pull this off, mostly because it just. isn't something that's done. not in popular media like this. but honestly, it's hard for me to grasp all of this because it feels like the show is telling me that max belongs with both el and lucas. i think most people assume she will end up with lucas after the way their relationship was rebuilt in season 4, and i think that absolutely makes sense. but i truly think elmax has been built up just as much, just a lot more subtextually. it's just that no one expects it to actually happen. 1, because lumix not ending up together would feel pretty disappointing after all this build up, and we don't want to see lucas, who truly loves max, end up alone. especially when max loves him too. and 2, because of heteronormativity - most people assume elmax are only being set us as friends, regardless of whether they're picking up on the romantic coding. and the "norm" is one romantic partner per person. but max needs el just as much as she needs lucas, and the ending season 4 proved that. lucas holding max in his arms, thinking he's alone with her, but then we see that el is actually there too. right alongside lucas. el saved max's life after she died in lucas's arms.

i could just give up and assume that elmax is platonic and they're giving max both a romantic and a platonic love story, but as i've already talked about, max is queer, and her dynamic with el is romantic. (theres so much evidence of this from el's side too that i just didn't get into)

going into season 5, max is in a coma. we already know that lucas is spending his time at her bedside. and i think it's fair to assume, based on el's priorities after the pizza dough freezer, ignoring mike completely to stay with max and lucas, and to revive max, she's going to be very focused on max too.

this is already way too long but i'm almost done, i want to briefly talk about lucas and el's dynamic from season 1. of all the party members, lucas was the most skeptical and deeply wary of eleven. he didn't trust her, and she ended up inadvertently hurting him when he fought with mike. but over the course of the season, they both learned to trust each other, having moments together than felt just as important as el's friendship with mike.

if season 5 is a return to season 1 dynamics, especially seeing the way season 4 left these two characters (sharing the same priority - max), i think lucas and el will spend a decent amount of time in season 5 together, or at least share a plotline (around max?). now that they're finally being given the chance to actually spend time together, i can see them growing much closer next season, maybe even leading to a mutual understanding and acceptance of both of their feelings towards max (maybe even falling in love?). and if max wakes from her coma to discover that the guilt and shame she's been suffering around her feelings for these two people is actually unnecessary, and that they can all be happy with each other, in whatever way they decide, even if other people might not understand?

*slides the duffers $5*

that would be an absolutely iconic ending.

#elmax #max mayfield #byler #honestly though i would sell my soul for canon elumax #if they could pull that off in season 5 i could die happy #also i'm giving the duffers a LOT of credit here i'm just choosing to give them the benefit of the doubt #this got SO LONG i'm sorry #mikesbasementbeets posts

[majorbaby]

The minute I cut that rope they made me a soldier. MASH Season 11, Episode 6 — Bombshells

I used to post practically every week about s11e06 Bombshells because it's my favourite BJ episode and the one I find most fascinating, because BJ seems to frequently think that it's BJ against the world, and Bombshells is a rare example where I think this is narratively true. At last, here are my lengthy but decently articulated thoughts about this Very Special Episode (to me!).

BJ has this "lone wolf" view of himself because he either imagines he has nothing in common with the people around him and therefore it's hard for him to relate to them, or he actually has a hard time relating.

Aside from Potter, who is hardly his peer, and Frank who is The Worst and also leaves two seasons into BJ's run, BJ is the only main cast member who has a wife and/or child waiting for him at home. He's in a different stage of his life than anyone else, and he lashes out at Hawkeye and Margaret at different points claiming specifically that they can't possibly understand what he's going through by being in Korea, away from his family. But for a few differences in their personalities, their world views, and I suspect their class backgrounds (though the latter two are open to interpretation), Trapper might be the character whose civilian life and role on the home front most closely resembled BJ's, and they should kiss about that tbh.

Relatability is important to BJ. We see that through the tension created when he feels his friends 'can't relate' to what he's going through to the point that he gets upset if they try to tell him they understand how he feels. We also see this through how he bonds to people from similar walks of life, for example, the patient in Death Takes a Holiday. Some of this is just normal human behaviour. It makes sense that BJ would relate better to people who share the same values as him, and a wife and children are symbols of those values. Of course, that doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't connect with people who have different lifestyles with us. BJ obviously does do that, although he doesn't stop wanting relatability and that can make things rocky for everyone involved. What I'm trying to say is, BJ isn't as alone as he seems to feel he is. In fact, it's kind of funny how not-alone he is, sharing a tiny tent with Charles and Hawkeye, which naturally causes tension between the three of them. And the fact that he relies very heavily on Hawkeye's support throughout the show.

But in Bombshells, he's really, properly alone. Early in the episode, he'd been giddy to get away from the camp and everyone in it to spend a day by himself, fishing peacefully. Then the most harrowing thing to ever happen to him onscreen happens, and Hawkeye isn't there, as he so often is, to shoulder it with him. All BJ has is a total stranger who gives him an impossible task that goes against pretty well everything BJ believes in, to a fault. A doctor forced to cause someone's death - imo, I think this moment is equally as traumatizing for BJ as Hawkeye's moment on the bus in Goodbye, Farewell and Amen. BJ, who couldn't get on board with Hawkeye's plan to do a medically unnecessarily surgery in Preventative Medicine — even if it meant they had a chance to prevent the further injury or deaths of dozens of patients — is forced to cut a man's life line. It's a devastating moment and I have a lot of sympathy for him.

I know BJ well enough at this point that I don't expect him to voluntarily reach out to anyone for help, but interestingly, his isolation is even mirrored by the B-plot. We get an unusual Hawkeye-Charles team-up, where they run a scam reminiscent of the ones Hawkeye and Trapper used to pull, duping the whole camp for funsies. It's not just that normally HawkBeej are the unit to Charles' lone-wolf, it's that Charles and BJ's roles are reversed here even in the tone the plots take: CharlesHawk are doing something frivolous together, while BJ pursues a serious plot - now it's possible my memory may be failing me, but I can't think of another episode that replicates this formula. One specific example of these plots playing off one another as the A/B plots regularly do on MASH: BJ makes a phone call to try to figure out if the man whose line he cut might've survived, while Hawkeye and Charles make a phone call to see if they can contact Marilyn Monroe, the star of their scam.

In typical BJ fashion, when Potter tries to ask if everything's okay, BJ pulls away and acts like everything is fine, but this time it's because he has a plan and he wants to see it through on his own, rather than just sit by himself feeling powerless. He even tells Potter he'd like to try another fishing trip — trying to catch the one he'd cut loose the day before. He does all of this on his own checking beds, asks around, flings open the doors of the ambulance trying to see who's inside — but the fact that these scenes are interspersed with the B-plot, this would make an interesting montage, which is the thought that inspired the gifset I made. It matters less to me why he's doing it and more that it's a rare instance of him doing it on his own.

If he thinks that's because no one can help him, the episode doesn't really argue with his assumption. Hawkeye can tell that something is off, but despite his efforts, BJ keeps himself out of reach. I do not like the position the narrative takes at the end, when BJ tells Hawkeye that they, as surgeons think they're "self-righteous" and better for thumbing their noses at the estabilshment - I think that's a pretty dishonest way to characterize everyone at the 4077th including BJ and an straight example of MASH's unfortunately centrist leanings in the later years.

But despite my problems with that messaging, I still like this episode for it being about BJ and his resolve, detached from those around him and detached from the other big part of the BJ character - his family. All the other big BJ episodes - Period of Adjustment, War Correspondent, Death Takes a Holiday - feature his personal relationships in a big way that drives the plot. Bombshells is an episode that promotes BJ to protagonist, demoting other characters who might otherwise play a role in the drama.

This is most striking to me when even Hawkeye is unable to reach BJ and plays no role in the resolution of the A-plot. He sympathizes with BJ and tries to comfort him with "Well you didn't have a lot of options" - that may be compassion from Hawkeye, but I think it probably sounds dismissive to BJ, and that puts them in an odd role-reversal: BJ in crisis, and everything Hawkeye says is cold comfort to him. Finally, Hawkeye resigns himself to the feeling that he can't help BJ with this and so he leaves when Margaret comes to get him.

I'm not especially fond of the way BJ resolves the plot by giving away his medal and is then shown to be somewhat at peace with that, not because I fault BJ for it, but because I take issue with the broader practice and so does the show on many an occasion. What's important to me is that BJ also does that completely on his own — tie-up the plot.

I could probably go on about how much I disagree with the messaging of this episode, how much I detest the show taking a shot at it's own formerly anti-establishment beat and how that actually does the BJ character a disservice, but I'm not going to here because it's not as important to me as the unique format of this episode.

Bomshells is no s04e19 Hawkeye, but I really appreciate having so much textual stuff to chew on for BJ, rather than having me sit here and try to interpret the inconsistent writing that the writers admitted to for BJ, or Mike Farrell's acting directions. You could say this about a lot of characters, but BJ really deserved to be given the opportunity to stand on his own two feet more often.

#bj hunnicutt #mash #m*a*s*h #re: mash #beej meta #s11e06 bombshells #maybe now i can finally chill tf out about this damn episode #probably not tho <3 #majorbaby.gif #had to get my nod to MY beejtrap leanings in there 8D

[fitzrove]

Every time i look at 1992 uwe tod i come away thinking that tod just..... should be weird. We can't be having normie tods running around... I want him to be this completely inhuman figure who tries to get close to humanity (because how do you personify death??) but deeply misunderstands some things, especially things like human behaviour and emotions. Máté is good at this too, he just did it in a different way, but after those two the effect is never really potent enough again. I mean, there is something to say for prods with humanized or gentle etc tods, at least theyre doing something else than mrak seiber, but it's not quite it for me at least. He needs to be weird because Elisabeth is weird and, dissatisfied with her life, craves a poem in the flesh.

And for me personally (this is not me saying gender non conformity is weird or inhuman btw, it's not, it's just hot and looks good) i want back the mayerling dress and all that, and the actors should be styled accordingly, if he's not going to put on eyeshadow and blush and get dolled up to kill rudolf then don't fucking cast him?? There are enough musical actors out there who like straying from the mold, the overlap between drag performers and musical artists is not insignificant. Hell, if despite your best attempts macho guys are still the only guys you can find, then cast a woman (trans or cis - for a trans woman the role might be easier/not require rewrites, because of vocal range), cast a nonbinary performer. You don't really have to change stuff in the script, someone who's not a man can still be a "prince" if the styling is androgynous. It really is that simple...

also this should maybe be a separate post but 1992 is so iconic for portraying mayerling as a romance, rudolf running to embrace tod, twirly dancing, Big Damn Kiss (rudolf barely notices the actual act of shooting himself, he's so busy making out) - up until the very end, when rudolf is dumped unceremoniously on the floor. symbolism. It's such a better deeper way to tackle the subject. Suicidal ideation doesn't just beat you over the head violently, mental illness/depression lures you in with promises of a "solution" but actually only offers a miserable nothing.

This is also why it's so important for Elisabeth to get dumped on the floor as well - there's more care in that than in how Rudolf is treated, Tod is obviously distraught, but that's the point and the tragedy of the show!!!! Freedom is fleeting, dreams are fleeting, emotion is fleeting, but yearning for them is what makes us human!!

If he carries her away the moral of the story becomes "if you die you get a hot supernatural partner that's obsessed with you!!!" No!!!!!!! The romance narrative is a big lie, suicidal ideation is a big lie, history is a big lie, it's all connected, but we always cover shit up with kitsch because some people prefer a simple romantic reading to the degree that they warp the rest of the story around it. I stg people have just replaced sissi movie trilogy fairytale prince FJ (1950s) with elisabethdasmusical fairytale prince modern peugeot king mark seibert leather tod (2020s) or insert whatever other boyfriend death you prefer

#tw suicide #mayerling is discussed #musicals #theatre #1992 has deeply dysfunctional people/entities obsessed with each other #also everyone looks like a porcelain doll #also to reiterate i hate fun and love misery :) yall need to put more romanticism (19th cent) and fantasy into your romantic fantasies #i have little faith there will be a truly good elisabeth production again in my lifetime jajskdkg #it's just all a matter of waiting for the next thing that may be less horrible than the previous one and trying to like it #xD #i did that with brussels 22 - it was very innovative and stimulating but in all honesty it needed more todolf maiming and weirdness

[rainbowsky]

Dear Rainbow Sky,

I was the one who asked u the earlier question anonymously. I wish to send my heartfelt thanks to you for taking time to respond so fast even though I posted anonymously. Sorry for the long essay.

I did not know what is the right etiquette as I am new to tumblr (i created this account just so I could read your blog which I really enjoyed reading.) and IRL, I am just a middle aged asian lady who is not too internet savvy, stumbling into this, and honestly a little confused why I feel so emotionally invested in this, as you say!! (Sorry new turtle)

Wishing you a great weekend ahead! My thanks once again!!

🙏🙏🙏

This is in reference to a previous post.

Hi new turtle! 💛🐢💛

I have some advice for new turtles, so let's dig in.

Thank you for writing back, kaijumama, it is nice to be able to put a name to the message! No need to apologize or feel you've done anything wrong. I know I can come off as brusque sometimes, but I've gotten a lot of a certain tone of message lately and I'm trying to set some boundaries around what ends up in my inbox.

Anyway, I know what it feels like to be emotionally invested in GG and DD and their relationship. It is a difficult thing to explain to anyone who's outside of the fandom, but it's a feeling and a connection that builds, and sometimes it can become very emotional or feel very personal.

All I can tell you is, take your time, relax and find a region of turtledom that feels soothing and warm, and everything will rapidly improve for you.

When you are a new turtle it can feel like everything has a lot of significance. It can feel like everything is either proof they are together or proof they've broken up or never were together in the first place. I think a lot of turtles go through that phase and it can be a roller coaster.

It's important for all new turtles to realize that if a claim or narrative you're being told about GGDD or something relating to them makes you feel horrible about yourself and about being a turtle, chances are really good that it was intentionally crafted for that purpose by haters. Avoid, block and ignore.

Usually that experience becomes a lot more stable and relaxed as time goes by and you become more familiar with the fandom and with the various ideas and theories and bits of information we base our beliefs on, but getting there can be a struggle emotionally for people who are very invested.

All I can say to that is:

Enjoy GG and DD and their works. That should always be our main focus as fans. It has the added bonus of being very enjoyable and enriching to our lives.

Take your time to get to know other turtles, get familiar with relevant social media accounts, and get to know the core turtle content and theories.

Avoid and ignore anti messages (and if a message makes you feel like a bad person or like being a turtle is bad, it's an anti message - yes, even if it seems friendly. A lot of antis phrase things in a concen-trolling kind of way to get under people's radar). Block and ignore.

Exercise patience and restraint around new information and claims that seem unsettling. Don't immediately freak out. Take your time to learn more. Trust that if experienced turtles are not freaking out, tearing out their hair and crying, then everything's probably just fine. It's so easy to get sucked into despair and confusion as a new turtle because you don't yet know the significance or lack of significance of something. Experienced turtles do.

Use your feelings as a signal about where you should be. If you feel really bad and stressed out, you're probably in the wrong area or among the wrong people. Find a corner of turtledom that makes you happy and avoid the ones that don't.

Stick to turtle spaces at all times - especially if you're a new turtle. This is for your own well-being, so you won't get misled and abused by antis. That means staying away from all hashtags on Twitter (even bjyx and yizhan ones, because antis frequently post to those), this includes staying away from hashtags of GG and DD's individual names (staying off Twitter entirely, IMHO). Avoid all solo spaces, including GG and DD's individual supertopics and fan clubs. More on that here.

Do not engage in fan wars or arguments, especially if you're new. You'll get eaten alive, and nothing will be resolved. You're not going to change anyone's mind.

Understand that we will likely never be directly, clearly acknowledged or thanked by GG and DD as fans in a clear, unambiguous way. Quite the contrary, GG and DD will sometimes have to distance themselves from us for the good of their careers and to mollify solos. GG and DD give us what they can, but there's never going to be a grand public declaration of support and appreciation for us. The situation will never allow for that. GG and DD will always have to cater to solos above us, and that will always lead to solos feeling superior and being dicks to us. That's just the way things are.

Realize that part of being a turtle is being marginalized and hated. There are so many groups that will be out to get us. Homophobes, GG's solo fans, DD's solo fans, people who are against what they view as 'shipping real people' (I don't 'ship' anyone, I believe GG and DD are in a real relationship), people who think we are delusional creepy weirdos, people who are against fandom in general, people who hate celebrities and fan culture, people who hate GG and DD, people in our daily lives who 'don't get it' and feel annoyed by our fixation, etc. etc. It just goes with the territory.

Embrace uncertainty. This is not a fandom of knowns and for sures. GG and DD will almost certainly never come out and confirm their relationship. Most of the theories we have will never be confirmed or factually fully substantiated. We will likely always have to deal with a certain measure of doubt and uncertainty. That's just the nature of this fandom.

Remember turtles have shells. Build yours, because you're going to need it. Being a turtle is not for the faint of heart.

One important thing I can say to you and all new turtles:

Almost nothing we see about GG and DD will be significant to their relationship.

A lot of new turtles try to evaluate every bit of info about GG and DD through the lens of whether it proves they're together, or whether it proves they're not. In reality, almost none of the information we see will have any significance or connection to their relationship either way. Viewing things through such a lens is unnecessarily stressful and frankly a bit foolish.

They're both individuals first and foremost, so while it's nice to hunt for candy sometimes, it's also important to keep perspective and remember them as individuals who have their own lives. The vast majority of things we see/hear about have absolutely nothing to do with them as a couple. More on that toward the end of this post.

It's best to avoid seeing/interpreting everything through the lens of whether they're a couple or not. Most joy/pain extremes can be avoided that way. Just enjoy them and their works, and the rest will follow over time.

You might also find my fandom survival guide helpful.

As a new turtle you might also find my masterlist post helpful. A lot of older topics, common questions and background can be found there.

Here are a few posts I recommend for new turtles:

BXG Glossary

BXG Calendar

About Kadian

GG and DD’s projects

Is YiZhan real?

Which do you love more?

Proof they’re still together?

Fandom Survival Guide

BXG Fandom Etiquette

Why so much hate from solos?

“I came across a nasty rumor about them online”

#bjyx #yizhan #bxg perspectives #baby turtle #fandom reflections #ask