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metqnoiaxx · 2 years

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hashiras react to your insecurities / angst to comfort, part 2

x gender neutral reader, part 2 of 3!

part 1, part 3 - part 3 not yet posted, will add once it is!

a/n - i favorited sanemi SO MUCH in this so i am SOOO SORRY

⚠️ body images, insecurities ⚠️

Muichiro Tokito - insecure of looks

You sat silently on the engawa of your estate. You were a newly appointed hashira and everything was already weighing down on you so hard. When you went to your first meeting, everyone greeted you. Including Mitsuri and Shinobu. The two of them were both very beautiful. You felt horribly ugly in comparasion.

You wanted to cry and cry and cry.

You sat alone there for a few minutes until you heard someone approaching. You didn’t move, didn’t reach for your sword, didn’t do anything.

“Y/n?”, a voice spoke.

You turned your head around and saw Muichiro entering the room. You didn’t respond to him. He sat down next to you and you just stared outside. It was silent for a few minutes, until something changed that.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

Your expression changed to a shocked one for a second, before looking down at your lap in embarrassment. You were unsure about opening up to him before he spoke again.

“I know that you’re not.”

You hadn’t realized it, but you had been clenching your shoulders up. They slowly fell back to normal.

“You can talk to me, y/n.”

You turned around to face him, still embarrassed. You began to pour your heart out to him, explaining how you felt miserable and ugly. How you couldn’t stop comparing yourself to the two of them. He stayed sitting there just listening to you.

You finished speaking, and without realizing, your eyes were watering. Tears falling down quickly. You didn’t even want to look at Muichiro. You were embarrassed, and too vulnerable.

All of a sudden, he reached out to you and pulled you into a hug, patting your head.

“Y/n…I think you’re really pretty. You shouldn’t compare yourself to them. You’ll always be beautiful to me, okay?”, he said to you. You were still sobbing into his chest, but then he brought his hands up to your cheeks and pulled you up to look at him. He was squeezing your cheeks just a little bit, while also wiping your tears.

He softly smiled at you, a comforting feeling slowly resonating in you.

“Muichiro…hic..are you sure?”, you said, stuttering out a few words.

“Of course I am.”, he said, sternly, while running his fingers through your hair.

You stayed in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around him.

everything about him was so comforting.

Tengen Uzui - insecure about body

You were alone at your shared home, with Tengen. The other wives had gone out shopping, you decided to stay inside. This perplexed all four of them. You have been acting much differently lately. Had they done something wrong? Tengen was confused and concerned, so he decided to sit you down and ask you about it. Delaying would be far too unflashy.

“Y/n? What is the matter? You’ve been behaving so...different.”, he said to you, trying to be very careful of the words he spoke.

“Nothing’s wrong, Tengen.”, you told him, avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t lie to me, angel. It’s not very flashy…besides, I know that that is not the truth.”, he told you.

You let out a small sigh, knowing that the truth would have to come out sooner or later.

Taking a bit of time, you slowly explained to him how you felt. Whenever you went out with the 4 of them, you saw all of these beautiful women. With pretty faces and perfect bodies. It made your gut and your heart hurt. Having to look in the mirror every morning and be disappointed.

After a few minutes, you finished explaining how you felt. You looked up to him and your eyes widened a bit. He was looking at you with a…unreadable expression. He was staring at you with shock, but to you it just looked like disgust. Now you felt worse about yourself.

You were getting too embarrassed and stood up to leave the room, tears in the corner of your eyes. But before you could leave, he grabbed your wrist and spun you around, stopping you from leaving..

“Y/n, how could you say that about yourself? That’s not true at all. You’re beautiful. Every part of you. We all think that, and we’ll never think otherwise.”, he told you.

Yep, now you were crying.

You were still standing, but his words made you want to sit down and cry. So you did. You collapsed into his lap and he held you. He wiped away your tears and left soft kisses behind, comforting you even further.

“It’s alright, darling.”

Sanemi Shinazugawa - insecure about scars (this can be read as platonic at the beginning)

“Hey, the hell’s going on with you?”, an interrupting voice said. You were sitting in your estate, until none other than the wind pillar walked in.

“Why aren’t you out training? Is it too hot outside? Come on. Don’t be such a chicken.”, he said to you. You sat with your back facing him. You weren’t responding to him, so he began to get annoyed. He began to walk around so he could face you.

“Hey? Did you hear me? I said-”

He stopped mid sentence upon seeing you. You looked so sad. Your nose was red and your eyes were so puffy. You’d been crying for a really long time. Sanemi’s expression softened upon seeing you. He wasn’t really sure what to do, so he just sat down next to you.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”, he asked you quietly, his voice much softer than before. He watched you as you pointed down to your legs and then at your arms. He hadn’t even realized that you had rolled your sleeves up. It took him a second, but then he realized what you were pointing at.

Scars all over your body. After having to look at them again, you began to cry once more.

“Well what’s wrong with ‘em?”, he asked you. You took a minute, and then responded.

“I look ugly. Like..really really bad, Sanemi. I’ve had so many people tell me that no one wants to marry a woman with scars.”, you admitted to him. He stayed silent for a minute.

“That’s not true.”

“W-what?”, you asked.

“That isn’t true, y/n. You really are an idiot. You’re not ugly. And why are you even thinking about marriage? You’re a hashira.”, he told you. His words felt comforting for a second, but then they kinda felt like a slap to the face.

“I’m not going to be a demon slayer forever. I’m going to die one day. I don’t want to leave behind nothing. Who’s going to tell my story if I have no one left? I want to have a family someday. To be happy. To feel how it is to live without demons. But nobody is going to want to marry me.”, you explained to him.

Being as hashira was nice. Knowing you had strength and power. Saving lives. Saving families. It was all nice, but it didn’t make that empty feeling go away.

“I already told you, that isn’t true.”, he repeated.

“What are you talking about?”, you looked at him with a frustrated expression. As much as he wanted to get mad at you, he couldn’t. Not when you look like that. Nose all snotty and red from crying. Puffy eyes. Tears spilling. Just looking at you being that hurt made him feel horrible.

“You’re not ugly. These scars, the ones all along your body?”, he said, pointing at your exposed skin. “Yeah, they’re not ugly. You’re stupid if you think so. These scars make you who you are. They show your strength.”, he said, still tracing along them. Your cheeks grew a bit red from his contact.

“And maybe..maybe I know someone who would want to marry you someday.”, he said quietly.

“Who? Is it Tengen?”, you said between sniffles.

“NO!”, he yelled out, pretty loudly..

“I mean…no. Someone else.”, he said, his cheeks beginning to look like a tomato.

“Is it Rengoku?”, you asked him.

“NO! IT’S ME YOU IDIOT!”, he screamed. The two of you remained silent for a moment. You, trying to process what just happened. Him, trying to figure out why the hell that’s the way he confessed.

“Aw…you want to marry me, Sanemi?”, you asked sweetly. Your tears were long gone now.

“Shut it.”, he said coldly, turning away from you, trying to hide his heated face.

You plopped yourself down and laid your head in his lap. He immediately looked down at you, his face completely flushed.

He wasn’t really sure what came over him, but all of a sudden, he grabbed your arms and pulled you up to kiss him. It was rough, but you felt a swirl of emotions inside you. The two of you pulled away, and he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Your scars aren’t ugly, dumbass.”

— end

word count - 1535

time spent - over an hour but i procrastinated like CRAZY on this

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maithefluffychicken · 8 months

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Astarion/Gale bloodweave.

Gale has a gift for Astarion. SFW. Part 1 of ??.

Astarion had told Gale that he misses to admire his own face in a mirror. Petty vanity, Astarion has said back then, it feels like years ago.

It's been just a few weeks, maybe a whole month? Gale has lost track of time since the... ilithid abduction. And back then Gale had thought Astarion was just being dramatic, fishing for compliments, asking Gale directly what did he see whenever he looks at the vampire. Gale was taken aback then, both because Astarion is breathtaking in his ethereal beauty, his fangs a constant reminder of his dangerous nature... and because Gale had to face then the awkward truth that he was, indeed, developing intense feelings for the pale elf.

Gale praised Astarion that night, called him beautiful, and winced when Astarion seemed unimpressed by his words, no matter how much Gale tried to wax poetics about Astarion.

Now, Gale can read through Astarion cold, nonchalant facade. Now, Gale takes in every microexpression the vampire does, how his eyes flick quickly, taking in his surroundings, ready to flee or fight whenever he feels some kind of threat upon him.

Now, reaching Baldur's Gate, the tadpole still firmly and cozy nestled in their brains, with Gale's fate over his head like Damocles' sword... now, the wizard decides that he can spend his last nights on Faerun spoiling his favorite brat, the man that has raptured his heart.

"Gale, darling," Astarion calls, dragging every syllabe lazily, sighing dramatically. "What are you doing all by yourself in this ruined cabin?"

Gale shakes his head, amused. Astarion's voice send shiver down his spine, reminiscence of the dream-like nights they spent together, when Astarion still believed he had to use his body to keep Gale entertained.

"Ugh, this is so disgusting, oh look, a dead rat... What a waste... Gale? Are you playing hide and seek? Where are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm on the second floor, Astarion," Gale answers, unable to contain his smile.

"Gods, why? Come here, darling, I miss your face."

Gale does not giggle, he's an ass grown up man and he does not giggle, but he can't stop his cheeks from burning red. Of course, Gale obliges.

"What are you doing up there, dear?"

"I was just... meditating," Gale says, because he's scared to admit that he needed some alone time to psych himself to do what he's going to do now.

"Sure, alright," Astarion says, eyeing Gale with his head tilted up defiantly. "You missed dinner, I saved you some cheese and dry saussages, and bread, and that wine you fancy."

Astarion says, shrugging, as if does this for everyone everyday. As if this doesn't matter. Gale's heart does a mortal jump at this freely given love demonstration, and he's sure the vampire can hear how fast his blood rush thorugh his veins right now.

"Dinner, sure, thank you, beloved," Gale says, unaware of how the endearment falls from his lips until Astarion's face does that small wince, how his pupils blown, swallowing the red of his irises.

"Gale..."

"I have something for you," Gale blurts out. "I... could we find somewhere more intimate?"

Astarion seizes him up with his red wine eyes. Nods minutely. Astarion trusts Gale, knows Gale won't betray him, nor force him to do something Astarion is not ready yet. Gale would rather die to betray Astarion, and leaving the tray of food behind, Gale takes Astarion's cold hand and together they walk until Gale deems the landscape good enough for his gift to Astarion.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next parts or in my Astarion/Wyll ficlet (coming soon) 💛

#astarion #astarion ancunin #gale dekarios #gale #bg3 Astarion #bg3 Gale #ficlet #fluffy chicken writes #fluffy chicken plays bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #bloodweave #astarion/gale

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ainsley2079 · 1 month

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Midnight- Park Jay (001)

Jay was looking at the mirror. He was eyeing himself. After he lost his family his mind seems to work in a whole different way. His mind is blaming himself for the death of his family.

It feels like his mind is trying to manipulate him. In his mind the person with the gun was him who was a little child that didn't know if the gun was real or not. He pulled the trigger to see if that gun was real. Because of him doing that his family died due to him. That's what his mind thinks.

Even though he knows that it is not the truth and his mind is thinking wrong things. Sometimes he wants to kill himself due to the guilt inside him. He tried to drown himself in water many times. But nothing worked.

He is cutting his hand making little cuts. The red blood makes him excited like a kid who is excited to have some candy. There is blood drops dropping from his hand to the ground. He is looking at the ground which is slowly being filled with the blood drops from his hand.

He sighed and took the first aid kit. He opened it and bandaged his cuts so that no more blood drops from it.

Jay went to put the first aid kit back at it's place. After some time he turned on the TV to see the news even though he is not interested. He saw the news about him again.

"Yesterday a dead body has been found in the Hands river. The body was pulled out of water when it was discovered. There was a tattoo of a black rose at the neck of the victim. Who is this person that has been killing people at midnight? What does the black rose mean? Did the victim do something to the killer that made the killer kill the victim? " The person on the news channel kept blabbering.

Jay turned off the TV annoyedly. Then he went to his room to open his treaured box which was full of the album pictures taken with his family when they were alive, some videos and clips of his family, some treasured items of his family.

He took out two lockets from the box. Both of the lockets had a half heart shaped on it. Just by looking at it he could remember his mom.

His mom was buying two lockets which had the half heart design on it.

"Mom why are you buying those lockets? " little Jay asked her as he was curious.

"Dear because the heart is divided into two halves when it is broken. It can mean that someone owns half piece of your heart or you own their half piece of heart. Besides whenever you fall in love with someone give one piece of this locket to that person to let that person to know that you love her" Jay's mom said.

Jay remembered his mother's words just by looking at the locket.

" Mom I don't think that I would have someone that I love truly. After you, dad and Jiyeon left from my life my life has been meaningless. It is like a dead flower without sunlight, water. And who would love a psycho like me? Obviously nobody " Jay said to himself as he chuckled sadly.

There was Chaeyun who was almost sleeping in her maths class. The maths class felt so boring for her. The teacher was blabbering some formulas and how to do the maths while she was almost dying. By the end of the class she knew that she was gonna fail in maths. Luckily the teacher didn't notice her sleeping.

"I don't understand Mathematics no matter how hard I try. To be honest why is Maths so hard? It makes me go through five stages of grief at once" Chaeyun muttered to herself.

Chaeyun looked at the clock seeing that there are two hours left until college hours ends. She has to wait patiently for these two hours to end so that she can finally go home. Her favourite place at college is the college gate because even though it is the place where she enters hell it is also the place where she leaves the hell named college.

After two hours finally it was time to go home. Chaeyun was happily walking to her home until she saw some couples at the nearby park. Those couples were holding hands, hugging, kissing at a public place not caring about what other's think. It made her feel disgusted. She looked away quickly.

"Can't they get a room for themselves? The park is a public place for everyone and here they are doing disgusting couple things. Being single while watching this makes me feel more single. I guess I was born just to be a third wheel" Chaeyun said to herself.

Chaeyun was too busy in her thoughts. She was not watching where she is going causing her to bump into a stranger making both of them almost fall on the ground. Luckily he caught her waist on time.

Jay was walking through the streets as he wanted to outside for a walk. The walk was going peacefully until he had to bump into someone causing both of them to almost fall. He almost cursed at her until he saw her face. Jay caught her waist on time so that she doesn't fall on the ground embarrassing herself.

'She seems familiar' Jay thought to himself.

Chaeyun quickly bowed to him and apologized for bumping into him.

"From next time watch where you are going instead of walking like a blind person on the streets" Jay said to her in a cold tone.

She looked back at him as he ignored her and started to go on his way back. Just by the first meeting she had already started to despise him because of his attitude. Chaeyun gave him a stern gaze as she tried to keep a poker face and rolled her eyes towards him.

#enhypen angst #enhypen imagines #enhypen au #enhypen scenarios #enhypen yandere #enhypen × reader #enhypen #jay enhypen #midnights #park jongseong #park jay #jay imagines

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lewisthot · 2 years

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behind closed doors

summary: spiralling out of control lewis tries to help you. rating: 12+ words: 1.6k characters: lewis hamilton x fem!reader warning + a/n: discussing depression and eating disorders throughout. this is just angst, thoughts welcomed.

the perks of dating an athlete was your questionable eating habits went completely unnoticed, a normal person might think your clean diet was obsessive but lewis took no notice. it was great you felt so relaxed, you didn’t have to hide and pretend even when he’d take you out to eat you always had a plan to allot for the extra calories - it was all working so well till the inevitable. you kept pushing the boundaries of how far you could take it, you always did and yet again you went too far and now you had a bum knee from overtraining. you lied to lewis, told him you tripped, it ate away at you to lie to him but you couldn’t tell him the truth - it felt too embarrassing, pathetic.

that’s when the downward spiral started, you couldn’t exercise but that didn’t mean you couldn’t starve yourself but yet every time you fucked up you’d slip, the darker thoughts slipping back in, self destructing was your specialty. you couldn’t stop eating you were out of control, bite after bite being forced down like your were held at gunpoint. your stomach felt like it was ripping apart at the seams, you could barely stand up right. you couldn’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror, the more you ate the more disgusted you felt so unbelievably bloated. you looked at your shelf of laxatives, you’d done so well without them maybe you should stick your fingers down your throat you thought to yourself till your remembered the cavities you had.

you were so grateful he was away, he couldn’t see you like this. you always managed to pull yourself together enough for whenever he called, it was a welcome distraction from your racing thoughts. all day everyday - food food food and if you dared to pass a reflective surface - fat fat fat but lewis he had this special way of consuming your thoughts and pushing everything else out. then it stopped working as you spiralled you pulled back from everyone including lewis, looking at your calendar the day he’d be back inching closer made you sick instead of filling you with happiness, you couldn’t let him see you like this. excuses after excuses it wasn’t cutting it anymore, you laid in bed one night crying as you left his last message unopened:

idc if you’re sick, i miss you baby

now he was home, he wanted to see you no matter what. you threw your phone across the room, digging your nails into your arms as you curled up into foetal position screaming into yourself your cries got caught in your throat you choked them back trying to breathe, you did what you always did when you wanted to hurt yourself and ran into the kitchen and sat there eating like a zombie like a robot.

you were laying on the couch when there was a buzz at your door, your heart started to race who could that be you wondered. trudging to the door to answer it, you felt this sinking feeling.

‘who is it?’

‘it’s me lewis’

you wanted to throw up, you felt frozen sweating profusely now with anxiety. your voice shaky now. ‘what are you doing here?’

‘what? i missed you, you gonna let me up?’ normally you would’ve let him without question as soon as you knew it was him, he was confused if not a little hurt.

you looked around your flat, it was a mess you were a mess. you couldn’t clean this dump or yourself in under a minute but you couldn’t let him see you like this but you couldn’t turn him away. your eyes started to prick with tears as you panicked with what to do but it didn’t matter, you’d taken too long to answer him he had already gained entrance and was making his way up.

you pressed the button to call him. ‘lewis?’ no answer, fuck had he left had someone else let him in? you scurried around your flat trying to grab up all the rubbish, you stacked the dishes scattered around in the sink. you tried to take deep breaths and wipe away your the tears threatening to spill over when there was a knock on your door. you wanted to ignore, hide under the covers maybe you could maybe you should maybe you should shut him and this down, you were a mess he didn’t deserve to deal with this.

‘y/n open up!’ his voice light and clueless.

‘lewis, i told you i wasn’t feeling well i don’t want you to see me like this’ your chest tight, a lump stuck in your throat your voice was shaky, now he could tell something was wrong.

‘i don’t care, let me look after you sweetheart’

you groaned rolling your eyes, why did he have to make this so difficult. exhausted you felt this flash of anger and frustration come up and before you could stop yourself you were shouting at the door. ‘jesus fucking christ leave me the fuck alone, i don’t want to see you! i don’t need you to look after me! fuck off!’

you sunk to ground giving up on holding back your tears, nail digging into the flesh of your arms. the anger gone as quick as it came, you felt nauseous you wanted to scream and cry, the floor to open up and swallow you whole. your brain working in overdrive, it’s over his done with you, you’ve ruined it like you’ve ruined your body, you’re a failure with every thought your nails dug in deeper willing yourself to break skin.

‘y/n please open the door’ you could hear the pain in his voice which only made your chest tighter. ‘what’s wrong?’ you want to laugh, what’s wrong? everything and nothing it was all so stupid you thought.

‘i’m not going to leave when i can hear you crying, i’ll sit out here all night’ his mind flashed to the faint scars he noted on your arm, he never asked waiting for you to open up to him but now he regretted it his brain thinking all sorts. sighing you got up looking through the peephole, he was stood there fidgeting with a worried expression, it pained you to see home like that because of you.

‘i didn’t want you to see me like this’ opening the door a crack, lewis reached out cupping your face he wiped the fallen tears. ‘you can see i’m alive and—‘ you couldn’t finished that sentence, far from well. ‘please come back tomorrow’ if you at least had the time to clean your flat, yourself you could put the facade back, pretend you’re fine.

‘stop trying to hide from me y/n, don’t shut me out’ he looked it all in, the puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, chapped lips and the frizzy hair. he wanted nothing more but to pull you into his arms, so he did. you wanted to put up a fight, the idea of him touching you repulsed you but you let him wrap his arms around you trying so hard to melt into his touch but all you felt was your heart being crushed even more. too exhausted to care you let him in once he go of you maybe once he sees the mess he’d finally leave you thought except he turned to you intertwining his hand with yours his thumb rubbing circles.

‘why don’t you go have a bath and i’ll clean up’

‘this is why i said come tomorrow, i don’t need you to clean my mess’ there’s a bite to your words, the anger bubbling up again embarrassed he’d seen the mess.

‘i want to, i wanna be with you now not tomorrow so take a bath’ he was more firm now, more of an instruction than a suggestion.

you went on autopilot, you couldn’t think about lewis out there you went to your room stripping your bed before jumping into the shower and detangling the birds nest your hair had become. letting the water wash over you, cleansing and calming you tried to think of how sweet it was that lewis was here, he loves you he won’t dump you it repeated like a mantra in your mind.

you sighed as you came out of the shower and found your bed made and lewis sitting there holding the towel even tighter around you, all that calm out the window you felt sick again you’d changed countless times around lewis how were you meant to not now without exposing your secret. you couldn’t say it so you grabbed your pyjamas and went back into the bathroom and changed. coming back out now you stood there awkwardly, at a loss for words.

‘we don’t have to talk right now, let’s watch a movie’

he took your hand back to the living room, you wanted to crawl out of your skin as he pulled you onto the sofa with him. his touch usually so comforting made you so tense - he can feel how fat i’ve gotten? you thought. he felt how stiff you were, was it him he wondered.

‘are you mad at me?’ he spoke softly hesitant like he didn’t want to know, it broke your heart, you were doing this to him. you took a deep breath trying to relax into his arms.

‘no, i’m sorry i’m just—‘ he had his arms around your waist his hand splayed out on your stomach you couldn’t handle it, you took his hand moving it higher over your chest instead. ‘i’m just fucked up’

he turned your face towards him, you closed your eyes leaning into his touch as he stroked your cheek. ‘don’t say that’ he pulled you in kissing you softly, you gripped his arm tightly kissing him back hard you wanted to get lost in his touch drown out the voices plaguing your mind. he held you as the film played in the background neither paying attention.

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton angst #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine #f1 one shot

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nevermindtheweights · 7 months

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The depths of Natsuki - To Pandaemonium.

Looking in the mirror, Natsuki honestly disliked what she saw.

She was so fucking fat now.

That was the main thing. Stood there, she witnessed as her now girthy size.

You're so fucking fat. Look at you. you don't even fit in the mirror dimension, you fat sack of shit. You're an engorged idiot and worst still? You cannot fucking stop can you?

Natsuki groaned as her mental voice rumbled to life again. She couldn't stop these thoughts. As much as she tried, she always felt them nagging at her whenever the topic of her visage came up in private. In the public, Natsuki could deflect and even, for a moment, embrace it. Wear the words like armour and they shall never hurt you and all that. It worked. Take on an aggressive stance, be brash, cranky and rude and it tended to make sure no-one got close and no-one could get under her armour.

Yet, she couldn't lie to herself. Never fully. One could not be impulsive to theirself. It was in that lonely place, where it was just her and herself, would that voice speak.

It spoke true too. She was really fat now. So fat she often needed to custom-order anything she wanted to wear. So fat she spent so much money on just keeping herself sated least her body protest and annoy her so much she give in anyways. So fat that she had long since given up on trying to control herself.

Why bother? She didn't really consider that option. One thing she did agree with the voice was that she didn't even really want to stop. Hands pressed against her stomach. Once dainty hands now fattened and sausage-like against the doughy expanse of a stomach that was once concave. In her mind's eye, she could see that waif of a girl. Once she had stood before this bedroom mirror.

The voice then had always been harsh too. Spoke harsh and horrid things that claimed she deserved this. That she was a waste of space and effort and that she shouldn't even be here. She hated it then too. But back then, it spoke with so much power. It kept her like that. Tiny and weak... Now look at her. Bigger now, older too. Yet, it still remained. It still spoke words that were a venomous truth to her. Not that she wanted to fight it either. Whatever fight had long since been crushed since she was such a weak and pathetic girl that should just die.

She winced and withdrew her hands off her vast plush gut. They moved to tug at her shirt. Plain white with a picture of a pink cartoon cat face.... It fit over her enough, though her stomach hung out of the bottom of it like a thick pale rubber ring like she used to use at the pool. When had she even had anything that had fit? Everything had either been too big then or too small now...

Her stomach rumbled.

Hear that, you fat cow? You're hungry. AGAIN. You eat too much. You're pathetic. You have no willpower to stop, you pathetic waste of space.

There it was again.... Scolding her. Making her feel small again. It hit hard, she could already feel the tears in her eyes. Not from the pain of the words but the sadness of disappointment and that of rage at the voice, that lingering voice that made anytime she looked in the mirror a feel of hellish persecution by her mind. Worse still was that feeling it was not only speaking truth but that she deserved it. That the voice was correct to do all this, her punishment for the weight of her sins.

For that thing she did.

That thing that freed her and yet forever bound her to this prison of the voice and nihilism.

....

She was not going there.

Not now.

She sighed and turned away from the mirror, her eyes catching the notable wobble to her... everything. Disgust welling within her gut like the pit of hunger that drove her towards her kitchen.

"Whatever... I just want something sweet..." She grumbled to herself, focused on finding something to eat while the voice ebbed back to her mind as if sitting back, proud in being so correct....

It only made her want to eat more. What else was she even good for if not... eating?

#Muse: Natsuki

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lonewolfel · 1 year

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Second Chances: Chapter 1

Read on AO3

Instead of returning to the Isles, everyone is sent back into time. Now Luz, Hunter, Willow, Gus, Amity, and Camila must find a way to fix the past all the while keeping what happened a secret sometimes from each other.

Please note that this won’t be updated regularly. It will be updated whenever I feel like it.

When Hunter opened his eyes he had expected to see a forest or even the destroyed remains of a town in the Boiling Isles. Instead of that, he saw the ceiling of his room within the castle.

Horror and disgust shot through Hunter. He sat up when had he laid down. His room looked just as it always did. It couldn't have been all a dream. He could feel the pain and aches in his limbs from when he was possessed. He quickly stood up from his bed and began to rush over to a mirror and what he saw shocked him.

Scars covered his face more so than any time previously. Hunter's hair looked just as it did when Belos had possessed him and grown it out. Then finally his eyes. His eyes once a bright magenta were now brown like Caleb's like Flapjack's.

This meant that everything that had happened was true. It wasn't a dream. Hunter didn't know what to do with that information.

A knock sounded on the door. Hunter jumped and his heart began to rapidly beat.

"Yes," Hunter called out trying to keep his fear and horror out of his voice.

"Golden Guard, sir, Emperor Belos has requested your presence." The scout said through the door. Hunter's breath caught in his throat. This was it Belos knows that something is up.

"Understood," Hunter responded barely keeping his voice in check. He heard the guard's footsteps retreat.

Hunter let out a breath of relief. He quickly changed into the Golden Guard uniform. He hated wearing it again. The very fabric felt as if it was trying to eat him away. He looked at himself in the mirror.

Hunter looked just like he did so many months ago except for his face and hair. He quickly pulled up his hood and put his mask on. He knew that Belos didn't like to be kept waiting.

Hunter walked through the hallways. They remained the same as they always were. It set Hunter on edge. He was just waiting for the scouts to realize that they should be arresting him, waiting for the Collector to laugh at their own sick prank, waiting for Belos to appear and kill him. Hunter looked down another hall and froze in shock.

At the end of the other hallway stood Lilith Clawthorne looking just as she did when she was a part of the Emperor's Coven. Her hair was slick dark blue with no sign of graying or white. Her eyes were both the same teal color. She stood with the same pousé and grace that she always had.

That couldn't be possible, Lilith was a traitor she shouldn't be standing in the very heart of the Empire. Yet here she was.

Hunter quickly walked away. He didn't want to talk to her. They had never seen eye to eye and while according to Luz she became cool once she left the coven Hunter had never interacted with her. It's just best to go see Belos.

Hunter walked straight up to the door to the throne room and paused. He had told the truth when he said he never wanted to be in that room again but it seems like always the Titan is conspiring against him.

Hunter turned off that part of his brain like he always had. The part that quietly whispered that what Belos ordered him to do was wrong, that wild magic wasn't wrong. It served no purpose here, it only would get him into even more trouble.

Hunter opened the door and walked forward. He was relieved to see that Belos was wearing his mask this meant that he would be less likely to ask Hunter to remove his. He knelt down effortlessly just as he has done a thousand times before.

"You summoned me, my Lord," Hunter said. The words felt sickening as they left his throat despite spending so much of his life saying them.

"I have a mission for you. A wild witch has been causing some problems in the palms. I want you to capture them." Belos said.

Hunter recognized the mission. It was given to him 5 months before Hunter met Luz. He completed the mission in a day and returned to Belos the next. He was then given false affection and was sent back to studying the next day.

"Of course, it will be done..." Hunter said. The uncle part died in his throat. He couldn't bring himself to say it anymore. Hunter hoped that Belos won't notice this little fact.

Belos waved his hand dismissing the teen. Hunter walked out and once the door closed behind him, he breathed a breath of relief.

It also worked in his favor. He could go steal a concealment stone (he wasn't exactly paid and getting one would be suspicious) to hide all the changes that he has undergone. It also gives him a chance to see Willow, Gus, and Amity to see if they remember the same thing he does.

~~~

Hunter took a deep breath as he walked through one of the various night markets. He had changed from his Golden Guard uniform to regular clothes and had pulled over a worn brown cloak. Despite how different he looked from before and the fact that he was rarely seen without his mask he couldn't help but be paranoid that he will be recognized. Not to mention he couldn't bring his artificial staff so he was magicless.

He walked through the masses with his hood pulled far over his head. He looked at all the stands. None of them seemed to have what he was looking for.

Finally, he spotted a red concealment stone at one of the stands. The owner was a short pig-like demon. Their stature shouldn't be an issue after all Hunter has been trained to fight since he was created. Though based on the wide berth they received from other witches they have to be powerful with magic wielder.

Hunter paused trying to figure out what to do when a thought came to him. If he distracted the demon then perhaps he could grab it without any disruption.

Hunter rushed over to one of the stands. This one was run by a demon that seemed to sell illegal books.

"What, kid?" The demon grunted.

"That witch." Hunter pointed out to a random witch in the crowd. "Stole a scroll from you."

The demon not even pausing a second to think about whether or not they should trust a random kid or if the said witch even came near the stand jumped up and drew a red spell circle.

"Hey, thief!" The demon exclaimed. With that, a large blast was fired. The witch was thrown back into another stand. Quickly an all-out brawl was induced between both customers and sellers.

Hunter almost smirked at how easy it was to start the fight. He quickly hid in the shadows. He inched his way toward the stand. The pig demon was distracted trying to prevent their merchandise from being used as projectiles.

Hunter quickly grabbed the stone and slipped back into the shadow. He walked away from the night market. He heard a demon exclaim their outrage at being robbed but didn't bother reacting. Once he was far enough away from the night market he pulled out his staff and teleported away.

Once he was in the forest he quickly used his staff to analyze the stone. He made sure that it worked and that it was cursed or bewitched. Once he was sure that it was safe he placed the image of what he used to look like in his head and using his staff inserted it into the stone. He put on the stone and looked into the water. The face that was once the Golden Guard's looked back at him.

Hunter removed the stone and did what he has wanted to do since he saw his image in the mirror that morning. He took out a pair of scissors and began to cut his hair as short as it was before. It was janky and looked nothing like the haircut that Willow had given him in the human realm but it made him feel better. The one thing that he could control about his appearance was hidden away under the illusion of the Golden Guard. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, he'll have to talk to everyone before he made his choice, but it was likely that they will want an inside man and in which case he was likely to pretend to be the Golden Guard.

Hunter quickly put on the stone and hid it under his clothes. He donned his Golden Guard uniform. He had a witch to collect.

#owl house #the owl house #toh hunter #hunter the golden guard #toh belos #emperor belos #toh #fan fiction #fanfic

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peachliver · 1 year

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Dear Mother,

I know you didn’t leave your ex because he hit my sister or because when I told you he made me uncomfortable whenever he would get drunk, I told you this multiple times but you chose to ignore it like always. Or because he punched you so hard he left bruises on you. You only left him because he’s close with his baby mother and stopped taking you out on dates but you tell us these lies that we want to hear. I’m not dumb and god, I wish I was, I just play along cause I know how you are when I confront you with the truth.

You would always complain about how much he changed with you since “he’s too comfortable now that he sees we need him” and I see, that was true. There’s so much to say, I don’t know where to start. I know you would’ve stayed if he was your one and only priority. I told Goddess Lilith to show you how much of a piece of shit he is and she did that for me. You actually left him and moved back to PA, I’m just wondering how long will that last.

I told you what the things he did to me when he was drunk, it was obviously not a big deal to you but I saw your eyes, I thought you would understand but instead you turned your back on me because apparently he was the love of your life. I told you while crying but like always you looked at me with disgust in your eye’s screaming at me that “I’m playing the victim “. That day I wanted to go with Daddy but I noticed I had no safe place. My room was my only option, my only safe place.

Being alone in my room made me feel safer but it also made me feel alone, empty and scared. I was always with my thoughts alone. I didn’t want to tell you because of how judgmental you are towards me with no empathy of words or remorse. Telling you my feelings was hard, my tongue was pulled back by my muscles of nervousness and that’s when I understood why my jaw hurts so much most of the time. Speaking to you was like walking on glass with bare feet. I had to be careful with my word’s because I didn’t want to trigger you. I want you to feel safe and comfortable like I never did.

I let you walk all over me, I remember you telling me that the things never happened between you and I. You manipulated me and twisted my words until I couldn’t remember them anymore.

It’s hard for me to communicate with others because I would forget what I had to say because apparently my words aren’t as important. So I just stay quiet and listen whenever I’m out socializing, observing in my mind, that is where all my voice goes, in my mind.

I always wondered why you treated me like that and why you kept saying “it was my illusions”. It took me awhile to understand that I was dealing with a narcissist. It was hard to get empathy from you but I kept brushing it off thinking I was the problem when in reality you were the problem.

I blamed and beat myself for it for so long. Telling myself I shouldn’t have never said that, Am I going crazy? I was in a loop in my room, talking to myself. Weed was a coping mechanism until I wanted you to help me stop but you made no effort. I thought maybe you wanted to see me stay in depression. I felt so alone that day but I’m use to it now, thankfully.

It’s funny how when I see a mother figure I wish she would be my mother, I just want comfort and a safe place to go to, but it seems like loneliness will fill that hole for me.

Why is everything a competition to you? I wish I was as blind as a bat because when I realized this about you my stomach clenches in fear. I remember telling you that I felt like I was an empath and immediately your response was defensive telling me “no you’re not, I’m the empath!”. Whenever I talked about myself, you either ignore me or change the subject. I always thought I was crazy but I just wanted to make sure if this was really true that you felt this way with me. I remember dancing and you were cheering me until I looked away and saw you through the mirror looking at me in disgust and told that girl Jenna who didn’t like us me and my sister “Yeah right”. And when I confronted you about this part you kept talking over me and twisting my words, manipulating me like you do best. There’s more but I have pushed these memories away because I wanted to make you comfortable not to be upset with me.

And do you remember the time when I had the courage to set boundaries with you? How you mocked me and told me why I was talking like that? How did you want me to talk exactly? I hate how you want me under control and be silent, mute, but sadly my soul will not allow this to happen. Do you remember the time how I got fed up explaining almost every time on how uncomfortable you treat me to the point anger was filled in my veins, I was tired of being scared and sad that I just wanted revenge. I wanted my power back. I hated that you took my voice away from me. But I was mostly tired of being disrespected behind closed doors.

No one knew the pain but only you because I told you my feelings, I trusted you with my heart. But you took it and crushed it just to place a bandaid on top just to go back and do it again. I was tired of your sick and cruel games. I am not your friend, I am your daughter and I’m still waiting for a mother to be there for me and be genuine with me but sadly, life is not always perfect. I learned the hard way. I have to be my own mother and reparent myself because my parents aren’t gonna do it for me.

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ahundredtimesover · 3 years

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Inevitable (03) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected/protected sex but be safe please!)

Chapter Word count: 7.7k

Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

A/N: I do love me some angst but I enjoy writing soft moments just as much. I hope you enjoy this one, too! Thank you for the appreciation for this story :) Also, you can message me if you want to be part of the taglist (or if I missed tagging you)!

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The place that Jungkook chose is a little French cafe that has a light and airy feel to it, and you think it’ll help Jungwon feel a little less intimated. There also aren’t many people around, which is surprising for a Saturday brunch hour.

You make out the table far back, by the glass window where you can see the flowers outside. Next to Jungkook is Jin, then Namjoon and Ara. The empty seats reserved for you and Jungwon are those in front of Jungkook and beside him.

You approach them, with everyone except for Jungkook - who just nods at you - standing up to give you a hug, with Jin spending more time than usual. With everything that’s happened, you didn’t realize how much you’ve missed your friends, too. They were collaterals of this whole ordeal; now you’re glad that you feel like starting over with them as well.

Jungwon stands behind you, arms wrapped around your waist when Jin comes close. He’s an unfamiliar face so it’s natural for the little one to be shy and hide behind you, like what he usually does, but he loosens up when you talk to him and make him feel comfortable, so you excuse yourself because you want him to feel comfortable around Jungkook.

You find an empty chair by the wall and sit Jungwon there.

“Hey sweetcheeks, we’re going to meet some of Mama’s friends, okay? They’re new people but they’re very kind and funny,” you say, kneeling down in front of him.

You get the brown backpack he’s wearing and take out his stuffed elephant, one of his many playmates that he likes to bring around. You place Mr. Choochoo in his arms, explain to him what you’ll do and that he can have some sweets later.

“Okay, Mama. I want some cookies,” he says in his tiny voice.

You tell him you’ll order some and pinch his cheeks, then you kiss his forehead, causing him to giggle, and you kiss him some more because you know this also makes him feel relaxed.

Jungkook watches from afar, the pang on his chest reminding him of the time lost, and he wonders if he’ll ever be like that with his own son. Jungwon is at a critical stage where trust is being developed, and Jungkook wants to be someone whom his son can trust.

The feeling in his chest grows as you approach them again. You give him a smile and help seat Jungwon next to his father.

“You remember the other day when you broke your airplane? Someone fixed it for you, right?” You ask.

Jungwon nods, eyes still focused on you.

“Good, because he’s here. Look,” you say, pointing to Jungkook. “He’s the kind man who helped you.”

Jungwon turns and looks at Jungkook, who returns his curious gaze with a grin. The little one is probably familiarizing himself with the man in front of him, as he nods and shyly smiles.

“Hi, buddy. I’m Jungkook,” he says and waves. “What’s your name?”

“Jungwon,” he whispers.

“How old are you?”

He responds by raising his hand to show four fingers.

“And when’s your birthday?”

“July 6!” Right as he answers, it registers to him, causing him to beam, the kind that reaches his cheeks and Jungkook’s heart is soaring. And just like that, the pang in his chest is gone.

You mirror Jungwon’s smile, knowing that’s enough of an icebreaker. He’s a sensitive kid who remembers kindness, and that day at the grocery, he saw it in Jungkook. You could chalk it up to some father-son connection if you like, but you also know that Jungwon tends to gravitate towards other gentle people, too.

The brunch goes surprisingly well, with Namjoon directing the conversations, knowing that it would still take some time to really settle into what was once familiar.

Days like this used to be a weekly engagement filled with jokes and unfiltered comments and hand holding between you and Jungkook, but everyone seems to be careful, reserved, almost unsure, like the glass will break at any wrong move.

Perhaps you’re all just giving this time for both father and son to be familiar and comfortable with each other. You know it will take a while but it’s something you don’t mind at all.

Jin is talking about his recent trip to Japan and his new ideas for another restaurant and you’re engrossed in his stories, until soft laughter catches your attention.

You turn to Jungwon, who’s laughing at Jungkook as he uses the macarons for eyes and makes weird faces, the latter pulling the sweets apart into smaller pieces and giving them to Jungwon who easily chews them. He offers Jungkook pieces of his cookies too, who dramatically devours them.

“My cookies!” Jungwon giggles.

You soften at the sight and excuse yourself before tears pour out and you will yourself to get it together in the washroom. You knew it was going to be a heartwarming proper meeting of the two but you weren’t ready for that kind of moment.

For all his shyness, Jungwon seems to be really comfortable with Jungkook, who’s doing so well, too, letting your child take the lead, not forcing anything, and being his usual sweet self.

Soon enough, brunch is over and you inform them of having to leave right away to make it to Jungwon’s dentist appointment in time. You place him in the car seat and turn to Jungkook, who’s now able to properly look at you, probably for the first time this whole day.

He opens his mouth to say something but his eyes lock in on your neck instead, a familiar piece of jewelry gracing the delicate feature. He stills and you’re confused, until you realize he’s looking at the necklace you’re wearing, the one with the moon and stars that he’d given you on your first year anniversary.

He told you that it was because you light his darkest nights and you squirmed at the cheesiness, smacking his arm and threatening him of getting rid of it if he ever spewed disgusting shit like that again. He loved that reaction, but deep down, you both knew that he was telling the truth.

It was that piece of him you could keep to yourself, one you didn’t have to share nor explain to anyone else. Out of everything you kept of your time together, the necklace was the only thing that didn’t make you break down every time.

You keep your thoughts at bay then nod at him and ask him what he meant to say.

“I’d really like to do this more,” he utters, eyes on your face now. “And not just on weekends. Whenever we can work out a schedule, that would be great. I mean, he and I have so much to—“

“Of course, Jungkook,” you cut him off, knowing he meant to say that there’s so much time to make up for and you don’t want today’s meeting to end on that note. “Let’s work something out, I’m sure Jungwon would love that, too.”

You exchange numbers, as well as awkward smiles, like you’re some teenagers saying goodbye on their first date. It’s a little refreshing though - way better than the last time when he was shouting and crying in front of you.

Any passerby may think it’s the makings of a romantic relationship, but if they only knew. You loved this man, and quite frankly, you’re unsure if you ever stopped.

“I’ll see you again, yeah?” You finally say.

“Okay then. I’ll see you.”

It’s not lost on you and Jungkook that you’re both on very unfamiliar territory.

During your time together, you’d had moments wherein you weren’t particularly fond of each other or weren’t in the mood yet had been comfortable in the silence. The tension was never overwhelming and you just let the moment pass until all was good again.

The longest fight you had lasted for 3 days. Yoongi called for a celebratory dinner over his song making it to the top of the charts and you were ignoring Jungkook, who sat next to you talking to your other friends.

It was an hour later when he eventually pulled you in a hug, and whispered that he missed you and won’t be drinking banana milk for a whole week as punishment for accidentally deleting your entire midterm paper. You caved in then, laughed and deemed it punishment enough, and spent the rest of the night working on said paper in your dorm, a behaved Jungkook playing mobile games next to you.

When it came to both of you, no silence was too loud, no conversation was ever unwanted, and no moment was ever too tense and uncomfortable.

Except for that time in your apartment.

And maybe now, when you’re both seated in front of each other, Jungwon to your left and of all times, decided that he just has to finish coloring the butterfly from his art class. There are two seats that have been empty the past 15 minutes, and you and Jungkook have been engulfed in the most awkward silence there is, even with the background chatter of the restaurant you’re in.

Days after the brunch and official meet up almost two weeks ago, Jungkook had asked to grab dinner - you picked up Jungwon from daycare after you were off at 6PM and headed to the restaurant with Taehyung in tow, only to find Jimin accompanying his best friend. Two days later, the same thing happened, only with Namjoon and Jin that time.

The Sunday after that, you had both Namjoon and Taehyung with you - because your brother wouldn’t confirm immediately and you needed a backup - as you and Jungwon walked to the park, only to find Jin and Jimin there as well. Everyone, of course, burst out laughing but neither you nor Jungkook found it funny.

“What are we, your chaperones?” Jin had asked then, laughing at the whole situation upon realizing what you and Jungkook had both been up to, calling up friends to join you on the weekly father-and-son dates. “You’re both adults who can very well manage conversations, don’t you think?” Jin continued.

You and Jungkook had shyly stolen glances at each other, nervous to be caught looking at the other’s reaction, because Jin had been right. You can only wonder what Jungkook's reasons are but you were calling them up to accompany you because you don’t actually know how to carry a conversation with Jungkook anymore.

You don’t know what to say that isn’t an apology, you’re nervous to talk about Jungwon and make Jungkook feel bad again for how much he’s missed out on, and you can’t really talk about yourself because this isn’t about you - it’s about your son and the relationship he needs to develop with his father.

Never mind the feeling of longing, of the curiosity over what made Jungkook come home, of the interest in his life in the US and how he’s been doing.

Never mind that you want to hug him because everything has been overwhelming and Jungkook always knew how to make you feel better with his hugs and caresses. You don’t have that right anymore, you think. You don’t have the right to ask about his life after you broke his heart, you don’t have the right to miss him, nor to get to know him all over again.

You need your brother and your best friend not just to carry conversations but also as support when you feel weak, as you observe Jungwon be so natural around his father.

Jungkook had only introduced himself by his name but Jungwon had taken to calling him Cookie Monster since their moment during that first brunch. No uncle, no anything, and you hope it stays that way.

Jungkook had also been bringing different brands of chocolate milk and you’d overheard him describe the taste and texture like a 4 year old would understand, and Jungwon had been asking you to buy each brand that Jungkook had introduced.

You'd heard him ask your son about his favorite animals, what he likes to eat when he’s sad or happy, and what his favorite bedtime stories are. You’d felt your heart balloon in size at this, how careful and thoughtful Jungkook still is, how gentle and caring, and how careful, seeing as he stops himself from ruffling Jungwon’s hair or engulfing him in a hug.

You felt like crying when you’d seen your son answer every question with enthusiasm then ask Jungkook the same things, too, and even more when he finishes coloring and tugs Jungkook to ask if he likes it.

It’s those moments that break and hold you up at the same time. It hurts to be reminded of what you deprived them of but it’s also comforting to see how natural everything has been for them.

Jungwon is shy but gravitates towards those he connects with, that he feels comfortable around, people who are like him. It’s why he’s very fond of Taehyung, and why he runs to Namjoon to be carried on his shoulder or to be tossed in the air because your brother may be serious yet clumsy but he’s careful and gentle when it comes to your son.

You used to think that if you hadn’t been a single parent, Jungwon wouldn’t be as close to you, seeing your lack of gentleness. You’d only learned to be so because you’d treated him like a fragile being, out of the fear of what would’ve happened if the fetal distress wasn’t detected as early as it was. If anything, your son has taught you to be more tender, affectionate, more loving.

You cried so many nights in the room you shared with him, and you wanted to believe that his lack of crying as an infant was because he was giving you the time and space for it, that it was okay. He was quiet, barely caused trouble, and you also believed it was his way of telling you that you can depend on him not to make things too hard, too. You’d held him so tightly every night as he grew older, and he learned to do the same.

In the moments that he'd caught you breaking down because of work or other things, he’d climb on your lap and hug and kiss you until you stopped crying. Like that one time when you randomly went on social media and saw the engagement rumors between Jungkook and Korean-American model-actress Maia Park. It was two years ago. It’s what also convinced you to finally, finally let Jungkook go and move on.

Jungwon hugged you until he fell asleep, and you hugged him even tighter, as the hope of you three being a complete family died that day. Since then, you’d stopped checking social media and stopped religiously following the Dodgers’ games, only using them as background noise since Jungwon somehow found throwing and hitting balls amusing. Like father, like son, you used to think.

You don’t realize you’d reminisced again until your phone beeps, the same time as Jungkook’s does. You’ve been in this restaurant for over 15 minutes and your friends are never late.

“Jimin says that he was asked to stay for costume fitting,” Jungkook says, reading the text message.

“Taehyung says that he tripped on a block and ended up splashing the entire paint can he was holding on his wall and it looks like the shape of a pretty tree and now he’s filled with inspiration and wants to repaint it,” you say in one breath, causing Jungkook to laugh at your deep exhale after.

“Hmm, very original,” he says.

“Very Taehyung, you mean. At least Jimin’s excuse is more believable,” you answer back.

“Well, they pulled the stops tonight, didn’t they? Reminds me of that time when Yoongi treated all of us because his song topped the charts. He said that he actually just had a minimal role and that wasn’t a cause for a celebration,” Jungkook shrugs. “You’d been mad at me for days and I kept complaining so they admitted setting it up so we could see each other.”

“Are you serious? All this time? I was so proud of Yoongi for that, kept bragging to my friends that he was big time because of that song,” you laugh, willing your heart to not go overboard with its beating because the most that Jungkook has spoken to you when he wasn’t angry, it’s to recall a memory of you together.

“Well, they tricked us then but they’re very transparent right now.”

You laugh again and you pinch yourself for overreacting to not-so-funny statements. You hate that even after all this time, Jungkook still makes you feel giddy. Now, there’s just an added desire for him to pay attention, for you to impress him, a complete opposite of how you started years ago.

It’s silent for a while, and you and Jungkook turn to Jungwon at the same time, probably thinking the same thing that the kid will be your distraction but his eyes have been focused on the butterfly, and he’s not budging. Not even when you ask how he’s doing because he just replies with a hum and you know that’s code for don’t disturb me, I’m busy.

“We should order,” Jungkook finally says, and it takes another couple of minutes before you both decide on what you’ll have.

With no other source of distraction, Jungkook settles on making the first move.

“So… how are things? How’s work?” He asks, sipping on his glass of water like it’s the tastiest thing in the world.

“Good. I, uhm, work for an events management company so we do parties, fundraisers, bazaars, things like that. It’s a lot of work but my boss is very kind and lets me take some days off to compensate for working on weekends and stuff,” you respond, willing yourself to be more comfortable.

“Oh, so it’s not the marketing firm anymore, that’s great. Namjoon said you worked over 12 hours then and I can’t imagine how tiring that must be.”

“You talked to my brother… about me?” You ask, trying not to read into it much. You assumed they only talked about meeting Jungwon, but Namjoon never mentioned anything more and you wonder why.

“Yeah, I just, uh…” Jungkook stammers, trying to come up with an excuse but he knows you’ll see right through him.

“I just asked how things were for you during uh, the pregnancy, and after.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to know if there were any issues with Jungwon’s birth, you know? Wanted to know if he got everything he needed…”

You wince at the insinuation that you wouldn’t make sure that Jungwon would get everything he needed and Jungkook picks up on this and tries to save himself before it’s too late, before you think he’s an asshole for making such an assumption.

“I mean, of course he did. Not that I don’t think you didn’t make sure he got the best of everything.”

“I tried my best, Jungkook, and you’ve spent time with Jungwon. He’s doing well, I’d like to think that has much to do with how I raised him,” you say, your tone a mix of sadness and anger. You never had to defend yourself for how you raised your child, especially not to his father. But you also can’t blame Jungkook, especially when you’re the one who didn’t make him a part of your son’s life.

“I know, he’s such a smart and kind child. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t do your best. That came out wrong, I’m sorry,” he says, and you believe him. “I guess I just wanted to ask if there was anything lacking or that needed extra attention so I’d know what to compensate for, like medical bills or vitamins or other things?”

He’s right, and it makes sense. It definitely has nothing to do with him asking how you were doing, how the pregnancy and the aftermath was like for you.

“What about school? Other activities like sports or art clubs? Maybe he’s into music, we can enroll him in—”

“Jungkook…”

“Please don’t tell me not to help financially because you know I will. Not just because I’m obligated to but because I want to,” he sighs.

“Yeah, I guess we need to talk about that…” You say nervously.

“I can cover everything he needs. Does he need to switch to a better school? He’ll be in primary school next year, right? Are there other toys he wants? Maybe I can—“

“I’m doing perfectly fine in providing those, Jungkook. He doesn’t need ‘more’ or ‘better.’”

“I’m not saying you aren’t, I’m just saying I can help so that…”

He holds your gaze, knowing he can’t make you feel like he’s antagonizing you. When he asked Namjoon what you went through, he admits he wanted to feel some form of pity, as if to mask or replace the overwhelming feeling of pain and anger. Anything would’ve been better than those.

After that, the feeling turned to sadness, to helplessness, like defeat, knowing there was nothing he could’ve done to make it easier for you, to make you understand that you didn’t have to do it all by yourself just because you made a decision all on your own.

Having spent even just a short amount of time with Jungwon, he knows that his son was very much loved, was given all the best things in the world and that’s because of you - you who refused to give him less, you who worked so hard and gave everything you could, running on the sheer amount of love you have for your child even if things were difficult. Jungkook doesn’t want you to feel alone, especially in providing for Jungwon.

What Namjoon said hit him, how you only ever asked help if it was about your son, but never when it was about you. Jungkook knows you still wouldn’t, so he’ll make sure to ease the financial burden, the worry, the stress, the amount of time you spend taking care of your child that’s taken away from the time you spend taking care of yourself.

Because he’s noticed - he’s noticed the bags under your eyes, the slight shaking of your hands that’s probably from the excessive amount of caffeine intake, your work phone that constantly buzzes even when you’re off the clock, your consumption of sodas that signifies your heightened stress.

There’s a droopiness to your face, a mark of tiredness that’s laid permanent residence in your whole being. He doesn’t even wanna ask when the last time you had proper rest was.

“I’m saying I can and want to help so you can have time for yourself, too,” he continues. “So you won’t feel the need to clock in extra hours or take extra jobs, so you can have actual time of not worrying about anything. I mean, kids can sense if their parents are stressed and they can acquire that...”

Your eyes widen at his statement again, causing him to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration because he’s really not saying this the way he wants to, but then he also doesn’t know how to tell you these things without him sounding like he believes you’re not good enough for Jungwon. Because you are, more than he can imagine.

“I’m terrible at this,” Jungkook says.

But you laugh. You laugh because he looks stressed and worried over what he’s telling you but you get him. Mad as he was a few weeks ago, you know he’d never harbor such terrible feelings towards you to the point of doubting your capabilities as a mother.

You wish he means more, though, but you settle for this. He will help in all ways he can because he doesn’t want you to be too stressed out. Jungwon is at the age where he can pick these things up; your habits are things he can acquire and you don’t want that.

“It’s okay, I understand,” you smile, and it’s the softest one you’ve given Jungkook since he’s arrived.

“Jungwon will be starting primary school next year so there’s this kindergarten I saw; they balance the learning with the arts really well and they do a lot of field trips and I think it’s a good transition to first grade.”

“That sounds really good. So that’s where you plan to enroll him this fall?”

“Yeah. It’s private though, and it’s affiliated with the primary school I was hoping to enroll him in next year, that’s also private. I was gonna get a loan from the bank and—”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry. I can take care of his fees in kindergarten and daycare too, if you don’t mind.”

“That’s too much, Jungkook.”

“It’s not. You’ve worked too hard the past 5 years. You can take care of the other essentials because you know him best. Let me take care of the others, and vitamins too and check ups and stuff. Please.”

He’s insistent and you know he won’t budge. You also know it’s his right and obligation to do all this.

“Okay, then. Whatever I save can go to his college fund.”

“Which I’ll also be contributing to…”

“Yes, that’s correct,” you smile.

The food arrives and the silence isn’t as suffocating. It’s a first step, deciding on the financial aspect of raising your child. You know there are many others, but there’s definitely one very important one to discuss.

Jungkook clears his throat and peeks at Jungwon who’s busy with his stew, mindless of the others around him, with you constantly wiping his cheeks and reminding him to drink his water. You turn to Jungkook with a curious gaze.

“When can we uh, tell him about me?”

Of course. When will you tell your son that Cookie Monster is actually his father?

“Oh, uhm. Well. He’s definitely comfortable around you already. But I think it’ll take some more time. I don’t wanna rush him because it’s big news since it’s just been me and his uncle Taehyung and uncle Namjoon for a long time and…”

“No one else?”

“What do you mean, no one else? I mean of course there’s Jimin but they don’t see each other as much and…”

“You know what I mean,” he says softly, as if he doesn’t want to directly say it.

“Oh. Uhm. Well, I dated someone before but like, it wasn’t—“

“Did he want to be Jungwon’s father? Did Jungwon like him?”

“I don’t introduce men I go out with to Jungwon, Jungkook. I mean, the men know I have a son but I never introduce them.”

“Why not?”

“Why do you need to ask? It’s only you. It’s always just gonna be you.”

“Has he asked about… me?”

“Just twice. He’s curious but he doesn’t dwell on it.”

Jungkook just nods, taking everything in.

“I always planned on telling you, Jungkook. I hope you know that. I just needed the right time, and I had to figure it out especially after your en…” You pause, hoping not to open this can of worms because things are already going well.

“My what?”

“Your supposed engagement with…”

“Those were rumors, ___. We were never engaged, never planned on it,” he corrects.

“So you two aren’t…?”

“We broke up over a year ago.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“Relieved?” He smirks.

“Just thought that, you know, Jungwon will have another mother and he’ll call her like, Mommy or Mother or something and she might be more fun and gorgeous and—“

“Hey,” Jungkook interrupts your rambling. He chooses not to comment on your now glassy eyes, which stare at his hand that’s found itself on top of yours. He immediately removes it and calls for you to look at him.

“That’s not happening, okay? And if I did marry someone else, that woman will just be a stepmother by name. You’re Jungwon’s mother, the only one. No one will be more fun and gorgeous in his eyes, you got that?”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “Thank you.”

You decide to dial it back before your thoughts go elsewhere. “But going back to your question, let’s play it by ear, is that okay? He’s very attentive so he’ll maybe ask more about you one day. I also don’t want to rush him.”

“Sure, I mean. I don’t wanna scare him away too. We’ve been making progress.”

“I know! He’s very natural around you.”

“Doesn’t mind me when he’s coloring or eating, though,” Jungkook pouts.

“You’re not alone in that,” you laugh. “This one time, he was coloring this picture of a unicorn and I was trying to get his attention because it had been a long day and I wanted a hug and he shushed me and told me to be quiet. Like, this little kid really shushed me, huh?”

“Is he really as sweet as we believe him to be?” Jungkook laughs.

“Actually, when he was finished, he went to my lap and hugged and kissed me, told me not to be sad anymore.”

“Okay I’ll never doubt him again,” he smiles.

“And then there was one time, I baked muffins and I asked him to try so he was nibbling the edges, then the crown. And he was taking his time! And I kept asking if it was good and he was just humming until there was just the center left that had some chocolate custard and he ate it in one bite and was just smiling at me then…”

You pause at Jungkook’s longing smile, the kind where he’s happy but also wishes he’d been there.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“No, no. Please. I wanna hear these stories. Don’t hold back. Don’t mind how I react,” Jungkook explains. “At least I won’t have to imagine how he was like growing up.”

Your heart warms at this, at the shift from the angry man the other week to one who’s now softening at the stories of your son, something that’s making you feel a hundred times better.

Jungkook meant it when he said that he just wants to focus on what happens next. He’s spent so many sleepless nights thinking about the night of the break up, what went wrong, how different things would be, all the what if’s in your relationship, and in his relationship with his son.

He has let himself feel all the negative emotions towards you and he didn’t like it, didn’t like that he could feel all that for the woman who’d been his world, his light, the love of his life. He doesn’t want to focus anymore on the time lost but on the time he can make up for, for the time that he now has.

You indulge him, tell him stories about Jungwon, how he was a little late with talking and used to write letters from right to left, how you worried about this but how it was easily addressed, being that Ara is a developmental pediatrician and had taught you different practices to ensure his speech and cognitive skills are in tune with his developmental stage.

You talk about his first steps, his first trip to the park, and how he’s afraid of the water - just like his mother, Jungkook says. You talk about how he likes fish so much so he doesn’t eat them, but that he loves vegetables and would only throw tantrums if he doesn’t get to eat sweets.

And you talk about how respectful he is, charming in his own shy and soft ways but a fighter all the same, how he’s very smart and can do many things on his own.

“He really took the best parts of us, don’t you think?” Jungkook says, as he looks at Jungwon who’s coloring a ladybug this time. “Strong and independent like you, charming and cute like me?”

You burst into laughter. “You think those are your best qualities?” You ask.

“I mean there’s more and I could definitely list them all now but also, look at him! He’s so adorable, and he got that from me!”

“He is, and he did get that from you, I won’t lie,” you say, something that you always thought about, how the universe was cruel and wonderful at the same time for gifting you a child who looks just like the man you loved with all your heart, who reminded you everyday of what you lost and of, ironically, what you still had.

“He has your lips, though, and those scrunched eyebrows when he’s focused,” he points out, and he says it with so much affection. “I’m sure there’s more he got from you and I can't wait to discover them all.”

“Me, too, Jungkook. Me too,” you say, ignoring the thrumming of your heart.

It’s Jungwon’s yawn that forces you and Jungkook out of your bubble again, not realizing the time that’s passed. You’re glad you had an early clock out today so at least it’s not yet too late and the little one can make it to bed on time.

The dinner ends and Jungkook walks you and a sleepy Jungwon to your car, the silence a welcome one this time.

“So, I have a busy rest of the week so uhm, can we meet on Saturday? There’s a park with this cool playground near my apartment; I think Jungwon will like it there. We can have lunch after,” Jungkook says as you close the backseat door.

“Of course! Just text me the address and the time and we’ll be there,” you respond, liking this new dynamic between the both of you, texting each other on when and where to meet, freed up schedules and all.

You both stand there awkwardly though, unsure how exactly to end the night, given that your friends had ditched you both. Your phones beeping saves you this time.

“How was it?” You and Jungkook say at the same time.

“They’re not even being subtle about it,” he laughs.

“I bet they’re actually together right now, thinking of the best time to message,” you say.

“Probably not expecting we’d go on this long, too,” he mumbles, peering up to look at you with that shy smile of his, and you hope there’s no physical manifestation of how flushed you are right now.

“It was a good night. Thank you, Jungkook.”

“Thanks, too. So, uh, I’ll go ahead,” he says, then nods and turns away. It was a good night, and it was the first time that he felt comfortable, light. Like things were okay, like things are really going to get better.

His mind goes back to weeks ago at your apartment - how he acted, the anger seeping through him, and how you looked - tears falling helplessly down your cheeks, a sight he’s never seen before, and one he doesn’t want to see again. He couldn’t hold you then, he didn’t have the mind nor the heart to. He’s not sure if he’s ready now, so he settles with words instead.

“___,” he calls out.

You turn around, not really expecting anything else, and for a moment, your heart stops beating.

He walks towards you with a shy look on his face, although his eyes avoid yours.

“I just, uh. I just wanted to apologize for that day at your apartment when I—“

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—“

“Just let me, please,” he interjects you this time, his voice soft, and a long breath escapes him. “I’m sorry.”

“I won’t accept it. You shouldn’t be sorry for the things you said because they’re what you felt. They’re warranted and—“

“Then I’m sorry for how I said them. That’s, that’s not who I am. You didn’t deserve that,” he stammers.

“I did,” you respond, and there’s a pang in his chest at your resigned tone. “And it’s okay. I would’ve reacted the same way.”

“I know I’ll never truly understand why, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for him.”

“He might’ve been unplanned but it doesn’t mean he’s a mistake. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” you say, meeting his eyes.

It’s a moment you share that needs no words, and Jungkook nods and leaves it at that because deep in his heart, he knows that Jungwon is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, too.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” He says.

You mumble an okay and head out, forcing yourself to stop smiling like an idiot the whole drive back home.

[To: Jungkook] We’re home. Thank you again.

[From: Jungkook] Alright! I had a really good time tonight. Sleep well, you two. Good night :)

And with that, you don’t stop smiling like an idiot until you fall asleep.

You trip over trains and dolls on the floor, hastily putting them in the box that houses most of Jungwon’s toys. You place all the laundry in the washing machine, quickly fix your bed, and remove the clutter on the coffee table.

By some not-so-great turn of events, you had a client schedule a 2PM meeting on a Saturday that you couldn’t turn down, which meant that you then had to meet your team at 11AM to prepare.

You’re glad that Jungkook didn’t make a fuss about it when you called him in the morning, saying that you can’t make it to the park like you agreed to do. You trust him dearly but it’s still too early in the getting-to-know-you stage, so you’re not sure how Jungwon will take it if he spends the day with Jungkook without you. You expected him to reschedule but said his Sunday is full and asked if he could just go to your place instead.

“He and I can just play or watch cartoons, is that okay? I was really hoping to spend today with him but if it’s too much, that’s fine,” Jungkook said over the phone.

You didn’t have the heart to turn him down so you agreed.

You tried to do whatever cleaning up you can manage because you didn’t want him to judge you for still being a little messy and you wanted everything organized while you focused on your meetings.

With Jungwon bathed and with snacks placed on the table, you think you’re ready for your guest, who should be arriving right about now.

The doorbell rings and it’s a familiar sight, but a welcome one. You lead Jungkook in, tell him it’s just a humble one-bedroom apartment and he waves you off. He settles the lunch he bought on the table - noodles and seafood pancakes, Jungwon’s favorites, you'd mentioned.

“He’s in the room, I’ll go get him,” you say, and walk the several steps to your bedroom.

Jungkook looks around and takes it in. He was too angry the last time he was here so he didn’t pay much attention. It’s pretty clean, he thinks, and laughs at the thought that you probably did a quick clean up before he arrived since you’re not usually this organized. Or maybe that’s changed with you too, as with other things.

“Hey, buddy,” Jungkook greets. He kneels and tells Jungwon that they’ll be spending time today while Mama works and Jungwon says he’s excited. He leads Jungkook to your not-so-grand living room and takes out some dinosaurs from one box, mumbling about them being in trouble, then opens another one.

“Then Ironman saves them all!” Jungwon announces.

The look on Jungkook’s face is unrivaled, the kind you secretly have been hoping for, hence why you deliberately kept this from him; you wanted Jungwon to be the one to reveal his undying love for the superhero. You’re surprised he’s never mentioned it before, but you also think that he wanted to show-off his toy collection first.

“You’ve been holding out on me!” Jungkook tells you. “He… We… We both believe in Ironman supremacy, ___. He’s really my—”

You nudge his shoulder before he prematurely reveals the truth, and you laugh at his expression and his wide eyes as he goes through the Ironman box because of course it has its own, as all the toys are delicately placed inside.

Jungkook is in awe but really, it’s not much. They’re all just different versions of the same dolls and cars. You’ve tried to limit this because Jungwon will outgrow them at one point, but thinking about Jungkook’s continued love for the superhero, you think Jungwon actually might not.

The two get in their groove immediately and sit side-by-side, Jungwon introducing each of his toys because each Ironman has a different name. Jungkook indulges him and starts making sounds and Jungwon joins him until it’s just a chorus of pppshssss and bangbangbang and pfffffftpboom and you can’t help but laugh along.

Taehyung always deemed those superhero movies to be too loud so he wasn’t into the toys either, and Namjoon would always end up explaining the science and ethics of superpowers as if his nephew is one of his college students, so for Jungwon to have someone who just gets him, even if it’s just about making sounds and making Ironman toys fly and protect the dinosaurs from a meteor, you’re happy that the little one is happy.

You leave them for a while and set the table, asking them over to eat with neither one standing up.

“Kids,” you call their attention, hands on your waist now. “Can we have lunch now please before Mama has to get ready for work?”

This feels so domestic and so real. You miss the way Jungkook’s lips form into a smile as you refer to yourself in third person and sound as if you’re reprimanding them. Since Jungkook has found out about Jungwon, he never imagined he’d actually get to experience this.

You clear your throat and it’s a sign for Jungkook that he has to follow, as the adult, so he gets the little one’s attention and brings all the toys on the table to join you three as you eat.

It’s hilarious as they both converse with their toys and essentially leave you out but you let them, choosing instead to bask in this scene and the joy painted on both their faces. You wish this moment together wouldn’t end, though, but you also know that may be too much to ask. Jungkook is here to get to know your son, and that’s that.

You let them settle in the living room as you go from one meeting to another, stealing glances every once in a while just so you’ll have another memory of them bonding seared in your brain, for times when you need to feel better, when you want to feel happy.

The rest of the afternoon goes that way. They go from saving the dinosaurs, to watching cartoons, then playing with blocks, earning them scowls and laughter every time those tip over and crash, creating loud sounds and distracting your work. But you smile immediately at their panicked and guilty faces, until they proceed to do the same thing.

It’s around 5PM when you finish, exhaustion creeping up on you. Jungwon surprisingly still has energy, but you see him forcing it because he wants to keep playing.

“Let’s go for an early dinner, yeah? I can order some pizza then you two can start preparing for bed,” Jungkook offers.

You mindlessly nod from the dining table as you put away your laptop and notebook. “That sounds good, Jungkook. Thank you,” you respond.

“And maybe you can take a nap first while we wait. I’ll help him clean up the mess, too.”

You smile at this. Despite everything, he’s still the same thoughtful and considerate man you met all those years ago. You nod and head to them, kneeling in front of Jungwon who’s now sitting so closely to Jungkook.

“Hey, sweetcheeks. Mama’s tired so I’ll just get some rest, okay? You’ll be fine with Cookie Monster over here?” You ask.

“Yes, Mama,” he says, and proceeds to hug you and kiss your nose.

“Okay, love you my little bug,” you say, and head to your room for a quick nap, not before you call out that Jungwon only eats cheese pizza.

It’s the knock on your bedroom door that wakes you, signaling that the food has arrived.

You head to the dining room, still clad in your leggings and pink sweatshirt, and Jungkook does a double take at your sleepy eyes, scrunched up nose, and messy hair. You’re still so adorable after a nap, but he shakes off the thought before you catch him with a silly smile on his face.

It’s Jungwon’s elephant and tiger stuffed toys having dinner with you this time, and unlike earlier in the day, there’s less theatrics and you all settle on small conversations, definitely tired but satisfied.

Jungwon is busy munching on the cheese and the soft parts of the dough, Jungkook is watching him in amusement, and you’re watching Jungkook in awe, thinking of how he pulled through today, coming over to make sure that he got to spend it with his son, taking care of everything like the food and cleaning up because you were too busy and too tired to do so, even if you know he’s had a tiring week too.

You never doubted his desire to get to know Jungwon but his patience and attention to everything have really surprised you. He listens carefully to the little one, asks what he thinks and feels, lets him lead and decide games and shows to watch, and talks to him like an adult. You wonder if he’d asked Taehyung or Namjoon for tips or he’d done some reading. But regardless, you appreciate it so much. You might not have had the start you wanted but it’s definitely going the way you want it to.

And as Jungkook giggles and wipes the cheese off Jungwon’s face, as he fills his glass with water and asks if he wants more, you see the affection on Jungkook’s whole being, you see the care and the warmth. You see the love.

It’s familiar; it’s similar to how he used to look at you. And it’s this moment that you wish that he learns to look at you that way again.

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yandere-sins · 3 years

Note

Good evening or morning (wherever you are).... My request for today is Kaeya from genshin impact. What if he were to confess his love to a timid reader but *gasps* she reveals she has a boyfriend already. Smut is fine if you want.

Thank you so much 🦋

Thank you for requesting!! ♥ Part 2 of my trying to get back into smut OTL

Rated Lemon/Explicit!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Even after everything that happened, you weren't able to forget the look on Kaeya's face as you broke the news.

True, you and your boyfriend had wanted to keep your relationship on the low, but not because you tried to deceive your friends, just so you two could have some peace while finding out more about each other and developing your feelings. But you never meant for anyone to look at you so... disappointed. Even if you were happy with your choice of partner, having to reject someone dear to you still hurt.

"Oh, [Name]," Kaeya sighed, shaking his head. Of course, he wouldn't be happy to hear the person he just asked out confess that they had a boyfriend. Perhaps especially because you two had always been relatively close, even more so lately where you were out almost every day after work. You felt a tinge of regret not telling him earlier. Save him the embarrassment you assumed he must feel. Then again, how could you have known that the charismatic Kaeya had feelings for you? He could have any woman in town, so why had it to be you? Of all people, you wouldn't have expected Kaeya to confess his love to you. Even if you two always got along fine, you thought yourself to look rather gray next to the shining knight that Kaeya was. Someone who wasn't fit to be anything more than friends with him.

"W-We can still continue being friends?" was the best and stupidest comfort you could come up with on the spot. You saw his grimace of disapproval, and it took him a second to collect himself, taking a deep breath before pushing himself away from the wall he had leaned on after learning the truth. Kaeya truly appeared devastated by the realization that you were taken already, and part of you could understand him. Certainly, you had just ruined his night and whatever companionship you two had, just because you couldn't have been more open from the beginning. It would have at least saved him some heartache, if any.

"Friends?" Kaeya mumbled, unfolding his crossed arms as he walked back to your side, leaning on the backrest of your chair. Feeling uncomfortably cornered, you stood up, looking around you. The outside of the tavern was lonely, and Kaeya had chosen this place for his confession surely to avoid any curious listeners. There were still voices coming from inside Angel's Share, but the streets of Mondstadt were quiet at this time of the night, with only his smooth voice reaching out to you. "With all due respect..."

Wrapping his fingers around your chin, you were forced to look up, staring right back into the mocking expression of your 'friend', the mood suddenly shifting. You had regretted having to reject Kaeya's feelings before, Kaeya always having been a good friend to you and hurting him felt wrong. But you would come to regret it much more that you went outside with him, away from the safety of the masses.

"I'd rather be anything else than your 'friend'."

»»————————

"Come on, Dove! Say it! I'm better than him, aren't I?"

"N-No--"

Your attempt to refuse this assumption was meekly interrupted by your loud gasps as Kaeya pushed forward. The curve on his cock was so perfectly aligned inside of you, constantly hitting the good spots whenever he plowed it inside. A cocky grin was on his face as he showed you off in the reflection of the mirror before you, spread over his legs and hanging in his grip on you. It was the biggest taunt he could think of, constantly reminding you how good you were feeling despite your initial refusal of him.

The image inside of the mirror wasn't one you had ever seen of yourself. That sweaty, drooling mess of a human, eyes unfocused and yet filled with pleasure, was nothing you could relate to. And yet, except for the occasional blue strands of hair falling over your skin and peeking out from behind your shoulder, your brain recognized the sight as you. Still, it was hard to accept this side of yourself, especially with his marks and hands. All. Over. It.

Kaeya only laughed as you tried to refute him, smirking a cocky grin from behind you. "Oh? Did Mr. Boyfriend not touch you yet? Even though you're such a little slut?"

His hand falling between your legs, Kaeya first brushed up your thighs, causing you to squirm from the sensation. His hands were trained and roughed up from handling swords, but the way he used them showed how skilled he was. Settling at your clit, he slowed down the rocking of his hips for a moment to get his fingers wet with your juices before picking up the pace again. There was no way you could deny how you were feeling after riding him for the better portion of time ever since he brought you to this city apartment of his, your body shivering and moving on its own with his hand teasing your clit, the additional pleasure riling you up.

"Look at your cunt gaping open for me~" he purred, opening your lower lips wide for the mirror to reflect your exposed entrance. Seeing how his shaft disappeared inside you clearly, you only felt hotter from embarrassment, turning your head which was quickly caught by his free hand, Kaeya turning it forward again - painfully so. His grip wasn't even close to how he had touched you before when you two had still been 'only' drinking buddies. You weren't sure how long he had feelings for you, but you wagered that these feelings must have changed much in the last hour, just like his touch. It once had been so gentle, kind. But now, it was rough and demanding, leaving no room for how you felt.

"Let go!" you said firmly, tearing yourself from his grip to avoid looking at this strange self in the reflection. You felt ashamed and embarrassed. Kaeya made a fool out of you, now that he had you in this peculiar situation. It's not like you wanted to cheat on your boyfriend and betray him in any kind. But your body reacted positively to it, making Kaeya chuckle as you tightened around him after seeing yourself, "You are enjoying it a lot, aren't you?"

It brought tears to your eyes, knowing it was Kaeya deeply lodged inside of you, but your sobs were just another incentive for him to continue. You couldn't even blame him for that - they did sound a lot like sounds of pleasure that overtook their place. Soon you were back to gasping and moaning, glad you at least weren't begging him for more with how shameful you behaved.

"You can still leave him," Kaeya suggested. Though a smile still played around his lips before he hid them behind your shoulder, kissing it tenderly, he sounded very serious. "Leave him and stay with me. No one needs to know what kind of slut you are, going behind his back."

"But I didn't!" you sobbed. "You forced me too-- You forced yourself on me!"

Without hearing the sigh falling off Kaeya's lips, you found yourself breathing in sharply as he made a sudden push, burying his cock even deeper inside of you, the base of it touching your body. The gasp was followed by a long moan, tears streaming down your face after he exploited your sensitivity so much. It was a regrettable, disgusting moan signaling how much you enjoyed him hitting these sweet spots of yours.

Your gaze fell back to the mirror, showing the pleasure-stricken expression on your face. Even though you knew you shouldn't feel this way, Kaeya simply seemed to know all the right things to do, and he used all of them. It was bitter, but he did make you feel... erotic. Made you feel like something you never saw yourself as. Something your boyfriend couldn't make you feel.

With him, it was sugary-sweet puppy love, but with Kaeya, there was so much more. Desire, carnal at that. Love, demands, obsession. No matter how either of you moved your body, it was exciting, making your heart race. Every glance at yourself in the mirror made your body tingle, and every one of his pushes sent waves of excitement up your spine. You wished to have experienced these things with the person you truly loved instead of the hawk watching you from behind.

"I know," he mumbled, his hands driving up from your pussy to your chest, giving your breasts an equal squeeze. Taking in a sharp breath, you held back, instead having Kaeya be the one to groan lowly into your shoulder as you tightened around him. "I'll take so much better care of you than that boy. I can make you your true self, don't you think? You're wasted on everyone but me."

"Just finish it," you breathed heavily, and Kaeya sighed.

"As you wish."

Picking you up by the legs, Kaeya hoisted you up into the air, taking a few steps forward to stand right in front of the mirror. It was a breathtaking sensation to feel his cock carving you out from the dynamic motions, your walls gladly welcoming every inch before confining his member inside. You really could do without a closer look at how his cock slid in and out of you, sloppy sounds and tingling sensations running through you, but it almost made you wonder if you'd be able to experience the same sensations that Kaeya put you through, ever again once this was over.

"Hope you're ready for what you wished for," he reminded you, and you instantly began to realize alarming innuendos in his choice of words and the teasing tone of his voice, struggling in his hold.

"N-Not inside!" you yelled at him, slinging one arm over his head to be the one to tightly grip his face this time. "You can't cum inside!"

"Oh, really?" he taunted you. You squeezing his cheeks together didn't change the fact that he could grin like a Cheshire cat out of fairytales. "Give me one good reason not to."

"I can't bear your baby! I just can't!"

Grinning even wider, Kaeya let you drop a few inches to kiss your nose. "You'll need to do better than that."

Biting your lip, you thought about what he could want to hear from you, eventually realizing the level you'd have to stoop to. A baby would ruin everything, especially if it was Kaeya's baby. Even if things wouldn't turn out the worst way possible, it would still be a lifelong reminder of this ordeal he put you through. Your pride was worth nothing in exchange for the future you always wanted to have.

"P-Please..." you mumbled, the quick pace with which he was ramming into you making it hard to speak. At the same time, it urged you to hurry, as it wouldn't be long now before he'd fulfill the deed inside of you.

"I can't hear you~"

"Please don't cum inside me!"

Halting abruptly, Kaeya looked at the mirror image of you two, thinking for a split second before he resumed the pounding--this time, determined to finish. It was almost like you were hit by thunder, every movement releasing more shocks through you. You were a panting mess, but Kaeya wasn't far from it either. His eye would close halfway as he sunk into pleasure with you, both of you falling deeper and deeper into this hole.

Until it was finally over, your body curving and stretching, Kaeya's grip tightening to hold you throughout your orgasm, fingers digging into your supple thighs. Closing your eyes, you felt like flying, carried by a cloud, away from all the bad things and surrounded by the comforts and excitement that only intimacy could cause. You were almost lost in the orgasm before a part of you recalled the danger that was Kaeya, but much to your relief, when you opened your eyes again, he pushed in deep for the last time before suddenly lifting your up and off his cock.

Spurts of white semen shot through the air, landing on your reflection's stomach almost exactly where it would have landed inside of you. Both of you huffing, exhausted and spent, you watched as it dripped off the slick surface, leaving its stains there rather than inside of you.

Kaeya finally dropped you down, your legs unsteady, but his hold never ceased and kept you up. "Thank you..." you muttered, finding it hard to believe that after all he did, you were still thanking him for not cumming inside. Finding yourself in his arms rather than the ground, you refused the kiss he wanted to plant on your lips, instead turning your cheek, but Kaeya didn't seem to mind.

"I think you owe me something," he whispered into your ear before you felt his teeth bit into your lobe, making you flinch. "I did pull out like you asked me to."

"I owe you nothing, you... you bastard! You fiend! You...!" Your feelings took the upper hand as you heard what he demanded from you now. It was hard not to raise your voice when he dared to tell you about what you owed him after taking you against your will.

Laughing out loud, Kaeya quickly composed himself again, pretending to be hurt. "Ouch. I didn't know you knew these kinds of words."

A sudden rough pull in your hair yanked your head back, your body arching under the force and pressing against his while Kaeya towered over you, never letting his gaze stray from you. "Call me what you want. I don't care what you think, I'm not your friend, remember? I am anything but your stupid, little friend."

This time he took your mouth as he pleased, ramming his lips into yours and slipping his tongue down your throat. When he finally spoke again, his words were nothing but threatening to you, an anxious knot building in your stomach.

"That's why you'll break up with that asshole, you understand?"

"Why would I! Just leave me alone! You had what you wanted!"

"You still don't understand it," Kaeya sighed, releasing your hair briefly before tangling it around his fingers again, pulling you back even further and making you fear your spine would snap. "You are what I want! You belong to me! I was nice this time, but I will change if I must. Break up with him and make it easy for both of you. And then you'll come back to warm my bed, understand?"

Gulping, you put on a brave face, trying to face his stare head-on. This was getting out of control; you couldn't let him win with all his endeavors! No matter how you thought about Kaeya before, this wasn't the man you had come to like and appreciate in the past. He was something, but you could only hope it was still a human.

"And what if I don't?" you asked, using all the courage left inside of you.

"Oh darling, believe me," he laughed, unexpectedly pulling away all of his hands, your body unable to keep itself up and plummeting to the floor. Instant waves of shock and pain hit you, but when he stepped between your legs, you couldn't help but look up to him. How could you have been so wrong about a person you spent so much time with? Who was this man claiming to love you?

"You will do as I say, or everyone will know what kind of slut you really are. Especially your fine boyfriend. Who do you think the people will believe - their charming cavalry captain or some random chick that was seen laughing and hanging around him a lot?"

You opened your mouth to protest, wanting to prove him wrong, wanting to tell him Mondstadt cared about you as much as they did about him. But... was this wrong to assume? Would they really believe your word against his? With a reputation like Kaeya had, would you stand a chance to win against him? You couldn't imagine living a different life than you had so far, so would you be able to deal with the branding of a cheater? Realizing these questions, you closed your mouth again, scrambling to get up and collect your clothes from the ground. You were ready to storm out of the room, just go home and forget about everything that happened but reaching for the doorknob, Kaeya approached you from behind, holding the door shut with his hand.

"Don't hate me too much, okay? I really, really love you, [Name]."

He sounded anxious as he whispered these words against your head, leaving a trail of kisses. How could you believe this? How could you believe any of what he was saying? Just now, he had forced you into a level of intimacy you hadn't been ready for, threatened you, and made demands. And now he came to you, showing these rare moments of vulnerability and insecurity that made you special before all of this went down. What could you still believe about Kaeya?

"This isn't love," you mumbled, twisting and turning the knob to leave, deciding you couldn't listen to his voice anymore.

"You'll come to understand that this is love," Kaeya chuckled. You could hear the bittersweet smile on his lips as he planted one more kiss on top of your shoulder before he pushed himself away, letting you escape into the night.

Only when the cold, fresh air engulfed your heated body could you finally collect your thoughts. Your body ached, and yet, it tingled with every step, remembering you of the pleasure you had experienced through him. Disgusted and appalled by yourself, you made your way back home, crying the whole time, wondering what went wrong.

It was all Kaeya's fault, right? He went mad and did these unspeakable things to you. He was jealous because you had a boyfriend already and rejected him. None of this was your fault... right? But at the same time, would he make these threats come true? Was there really no other way than to break up with your boyfriend? Could you do nothing but obey his demands if you wanted to keep living your life? Was the love he had for you really love?

These questions kept you up all night.

All while Kaeya sipped on his drink, satisfied with himself, studying the image of you he had in his mind and the cum stains on his mirror. Stains he only planned to add to but never get rid of.

Just like you'd never get rid of him.

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kiss4kazuha · 2 years

Note

hii can i pls request dream x reader who is insecure about their face

(if you don’t feel comfortable writing this it’s fine!!) <3

hello!! yes sure, also i’m comfortable writing about this, thank you for asking!:) enjoy<3

— FOR ME, HE GOT LAZY! 🐉

pairings: dreamwastaken x gn!reader

warnings: swearing, fluff, use of dreams real name, use of beautiful and gorgeous, will have some parts of the song ‘God must hate me’ by catie turner, so go listen to it!!!

you and clay have been working on your insecurities since the day you two got together. he cheered you up and made you feel better about how you looked, and obviously visa versa.

clay was very observant when it came to you. he knew if you fiddled with your fingers: you were nervous, if you blinked too many times: you were tired. he took notice how when ever he walked pass you, how you would put on the hood of his hoodie so you wouldn’t see his face. he noticed how you dodged all his kisses and hid you face away from him. he knew something was wrong.

he knew this had been going on for sometime, but preferred not to say anything so that you wouldn’t get uncomfortable. but enough was enough, and he really just wanted to know what was wrong.

“y/n, whats wrong? you’ve been hiding you face all day and have been dodging my kisses?” clay said as he entered the room you two shared. “nothing.” you mumbled hiding you face in the pillow more. you felt the bed dip next to you. you slightly lifted your head to look at him out the corner of your eye before moving to lay your head on him lap. you sighed.

“do you ever see someone and think ‘wow God must hate me’?” you sniffed. you sat up and looked at him in his eyes. he saw your puffy red eyes from crying, and your tear stained cheeks. you breathed out and closed your eyes as he put his hand on your cheek. you relaxed at his touch. all you wanted todo was to be in his arms. “baby, what?” clay said with a saddened expression.

you sat up next to him and layed your head on his shoulder, and he put his hand on your thigh for comfort. “cause he spent so much time on them, and for me he got lazy.” you said as he listened. he was a good listener, letting you speak about all your problems before saying his opinion.

“when i look into the mirror for too long it hurts.” you said holding back your tears. its hard. you hated the way your face was shaped, how your skin was. you were tired. tired of looking into the mirror every morning and being utterly disgusted of how it looked like. tired of wishing you face look like those instagram models you always see on your explore page and tiktok for you page.

“if jesus died for all our sins, he left one behind the body im in.” you said before tears fell. clay stood up and took your hands and guided you to the mirror. you looked at yourself before looking at the ground again, not being able to stand how you looked. “no no no” clay whispered softly, lifting your chin up to look at yourself in the mirror.

“you dont see what i see my love” clay said looking in your eyes in the mirror. “you so gorgeous and beautiful in my eyes, and i don’t understand how i got lucky with you.” he said sincerely, so you knew he wasn’t joking. “i dont know what i believe, but it’s easier to think that God made a mistake with me.” you said weakly smiling at him.

he pulled you away, to look at him instead of the mirror. “i hope you know that not everyone’s perfect, and everyone has their own flaws and things they have to deal with. i love you, everything about you. the way your cheeks redden whenever i tease you, the way your nose scrunches everytime you see something you dont like, the way you blink wayy too many times when you’re confused. everything my baby.” he said looking deep in your eyes.

he leaned in to kiss your lips to set everything he said. so that he knew that you knew he was speaking the truth. he then started kissing all over your face, your cheeks, your nose, your eyes, everything. you giggled as he continued. he started smiling through the kisses, he loved hearing you laugh. “there you are” he said smiling, as he kissed your lips one more time. “lets go cuddle.” he said pulling you back to the bedroom with him.

you two layed in each other’s arms in peace and silence, “promise you will tell me next time?” he said brushing through your hair. “promise” you said kissing his cheek.

bronny!

sorry it took long, im not at home rn!! hope you liked:)

#myct x reader #dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken imagine #dream imagines #dreamwastaken headcanons #dream headcanons #dwt x reader #dwt x you

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 3 years

Text

Broken trust, pt.3

Part one // Part two

Summary: Meeting with his Sun Summoner again, the Darkling has a choice to make.

Warnings: angst, fluff

========================

It’s been a long time since Y/N saw her Darkling. Some would say time passes quickly, but it dragged on so painfully slow that every second marked her with more doubt. Aleksander was her safe haven, the one she’d run to whenever she wanted to lift the weight off her shoulders but that wasn’t an option anymore.

She had reunited with Mal, but he couldn’t understand. If anything, he seemed cross with her for being a Grisha, for staying in Little palace for so long. He wasn’t shy to state how disgusted he is with who she became, to insult the kefta she wore when they first saw each other.

“The way you talk, the way you walk, even the way you look! I can hardly look at you, he’s all over you.”

She doesn’t wear that kefta anymore, the black contrasting the golden embroidery representing the light she was meant to be. A part of her ached for Aleksander, while the other part of her resented him. He made her love him, but how can she love what was built on a lie?

Somber, she shivered in the cold. Her arms wrapped around her knees which were tucked close to her chest and under her chin. The majestic stag Mal had taken her to find, the one she had a chance to kill but refused to, was now gone. She made sure it would retreat deeper into the woods after laying her hand on him.

None of it was important now when her troubled mind returned to the beginning.

She looked at him with a bashful smile, a flush creeping across her cheeks. He didn’t notice her yet, buttoning his shirt slowly while she began to sweat, unsure about coming into his room uninvited now. Clearing her throat, she sat at the foot of his bed, noticing him tense up before turning to her.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you”, she bites her lower lip, her voice shaky but not nearly as much as her heart.

A breathless chuckle passes his lips, his eyes instantly light up as he comes closer, a few buttons remaining unbuttoned at the top. It gave her a perfect view of his chest and she couldn’t help but realize this is the most skin she had seen on him since they met. A kefta left everything up to ones imagination and it may have served as a neat way to hide from the others, but she was grateful he didn’t wear one now.

“I’m merely surprised to find you so boldly perched on my bed”, Aleksander raises his eyebrows, amused as he comes closer.

Shrugging, she looks up at him through her thick eyelashes, picture perfect innocence etched in her angelic smile. “You seemed tense today”, she pushes herself further back on his bed, far enough to rest her back against the headboard.

Pursing his lips, he knits his eyebrows together, “Did I now?”

Nodding, she taps her thighs, “I’ll help you unwind. Come on.”

“How?” Aleksander’s lips part as she rolls her eyes playfully.

"Here! Lay down in my lap." She taps her lap two times exactly, seemingly unaware of Aleksander's eyebrows furrowing.

"Excuse me?"

Tilting her head to the right, she gave him a pointed look. “Lay down in my lap so I can run my fingers through your hair.”

“Can I –“, Aleksander tries, but she’s quicker.

“Not negotiable.”

With a sigh, Aleksander clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why he was allowing her to speak to him in such a manner, much less why he was crawling over the bed to rest his head on her thighs. Yet he found himself on his back, his head securely in her lap and his gaze is on her and the self-satisfied smirk on her lips that had made his heart flutter.

Threading her fingers through his hair, she watched him intently. It was hard to accept just how handsome he is, how unique the black skies reflecting in his eyes are. She’d see an occasional star when he’d look at her, a twinkle in the darkness she peered into fearlessly day in and day out.

“Isn’t it funny how I can’t even remember the first time I heard your name?” She spoke softly, her thumb grazing his forehead. “You’d think we’d remember something that will make such a huge difference in your life.”

Aleksander licks his lips, “What matters is you’re here. Wherever you go in life, remember this moment, Sunshine”, he smiles in disbelief, “When you had a general putty in your hands for a night.”

She couldn’t help but grin, “I’m not leaving you. Not now”, leaning in, she whispers, “Not ever.”

Leaving a kiss upon his forehead, Y/N started to pull away.

“Wait”, he blurted out. “Don’t pull away. Not yet.”

“I won’t”, she beams at him, “We have all night.”

Scoffing, she shakes her head. In the end, she lied too. How can a man capable of doing such terrible things be so gentle with her? Were they cursed from the start?

That’s when she felt it once more – her airway closed, her eyes widened. She gasps for air in panic, clutching her throat when she feels the pressure in her chest become too much. She wanted to call for Mal who left to pee a little while ago, but she couldn’t.

And then it stopped.

Gasping, she falls to her hands and knees, drawing in quick, shallow breath of cold air that soothes the burning sensation in her lungs.

“Are you alright?”

The familiarity of his voice brought shivers down her spine, her eyes widening as she turns around so quickly she nearly topples to her side.

“I didn’t realize they’d be so harsh, I’ll have to reprimand them later.” Aleksander frowns at his heartrenders, nodding at them to leave them alone.

She shot him a cold look, "Did you kill him?"

Looking away, Aleksander lets out a heavy sigh.

Her voice thickens, choked with emotion, "Tell me the truth for once in your life."

"I love you", he snaps, "That’s a truth!"

Too often had Y/N spoke of love with Aleksander before, too often had she given pieces of herself away by telling him how she feels, but he never uttered the words before. She wondered if he was capable of loving her, if his admission of love was just a way to control her.

She stands, her heart beating so loudly she feared he could hear it too. Never before had the Darkling bared his soul as he did now, but taking him on his word would be unwise. And she wanted to believe him, saints, she wanted to believe every single word, but he’s supposed to be the bad guy and he wasn’t showing signs of remorse.

"Did it ever occur to you that you're hurting me too?" His voice cracks as she averts her gaze, the sight of him breaking her heart.

His eyes are brimming with tears, his hand reached out for her to take and for the first time since they’ve met, Y/N notices his fingers are shaking and not with the cold.

"With everything to win, the only thing I lose is you. How is that fair?" He uttered, drawing his lower lip between his teeth.

She turned her gaze away, jaw clenched, pity and anger gripping her in equal measure.

He comes before her, his lower lip trembling, "I would not be unkind to you", Aleksander persists. Cupping her face, thumb stroking her jaw, "I would never hurt you." He caressed her cheek, running his fingers down her vulnerable throat.

Pressing her lips together, she shakes her head slightly in order to resist the urge to look back at him or allow herself to quiver under his touch. Straightening her back, she looks him straight in the eye, refusing to break apart.

“But you did hurt me. I don’t even know who you are”, her voice is dark and low.

He leans down, his forehead resting on hers, “But you know me. All of me. You know the real Aleksander…Aleksander Morozova.”

Scoffing, she pulls away, “Wonderful!” Rubbing her forehead where she could still feel him, she turns to him with an incredulous look, “You lied about your name too!”

“Only my last name”, he states and she rolls her eyes at him.

“Because that makes it so much better.”

Sighing, Aleksander reaches for her hand and this time, Y/N doesn’t recoil from his touch and he can’t help but smile, encouraged to lightly tug, bringing her closer.

“Please come back with me. I know what it feels to be alone, to always feel empty on the inside. It's the only thing I know when I'm without you.” His free hand rests on her hip, bringing unexpected warmth along with it.

Y/N understood what he meant, being without him had ravished her. With him she was sunshine, the Sun summoner and a light in the darkness, but without him? She learned even the Sun can be eclipsed.

“Will you help me destroy the fold?” She asks, lifting her head up to meet his gaze. She loved the way he watched her with a longing smile and an oddly gentle look in his eye.

“It’s not that simple”, Aleksander replies, noticing her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth, tortured as she nibbles on it. He wanted to do that so badly, to bruise her lips as they molded with his.

It felt like going through the motions as he spoke, her mind focusing on all he’s done. He killed people, he did it for her too. Is that his idea of commitment? Is killing in someone’s name a way to say I love you in his world?

“It is”, she swallows thickly. She trembles and shivers, then looks at him with pleading eyes. “You’ll either help be destroy the fold and the danger it holds or you’ll lose me. Is that what you want?”

Releasing her hand, his lips part. Aleksander takes a step back, his eyes narrowing. "They say I'm a traitor. They call me the black heretic. Maybe I am. All I know is that I did what I had to do to protect the Grisha from certain doom.” His voice is heavy, laced with anger and frustration Y/N had carried as well.

For a long time, she wondered if she was just the same as him, if he had dimmed her light, but she wasn’t. Never once had he looked into the mirror of his own soul and asked what different choices he could make, not for his own sake, but for the sake of others. In his story, he’s not the bad guy and if she could deny who she is, maybe he wouldn’t be a villain in hers either. But she can’t.

“Aleksander, please”, her hand rests on his left cheek, cold to the touch unlike the warmth he was used from her. “We will protect them together. The fold had killed plenty of Grisha for us to react too.”

His jaw clenches, “But their death can mean something. I made a necessary sacrifice, so if that makes me evil, fine!” His nostrils flare as he pulls her hand off his face, “Make me your villain."

Swallowing thickly, she turns away from him. “You’ll have to kill me if that’s your plan. Because I will destroy that fold, with or without you there to hold my hand.”

Nodding, he comes closer. His breath on the back of her neck is enough to make her hold hers, awaiting for his next move. She waits, giving him a fair shot now because he’ll never be given another one. But nothing happens. There’s no darkness engulfing her, he had not cut her in half.

When she turns around, this time he’s the one that’s gone. Covering her mouth to stifle a heart-wrenching sob, Y/N’s tears flood her eyes, falling like waterfalls.

Aleksander had walked away, his loyal Grisha following after.

“You did the right thing. She was holding you back”, Ivan states, further fanning the flames of Aleksander’s wrath.

Too quickly did Ivan find himself pinned to a tree with a hand wrapped around his neck tightly enough for his vision to blur, hearing his general’s words.

“You will never know the depth of what I just lost.”

PART 4

#the darkling x reader #the darkling #shadow and bone #aleksander morozova #aleksander x reader #aleksander kirigan #kirigan x reader #general kirigan

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carryonwaywardkansas · 2 years

Text

Carry On Kansas

Chapter Two: Bend and Break (Part One)

Summary: It’s been weeks since the fire that killed Sam’s girlfriend, Jessica Moore, and the trio is no closer to finding what killed her than they are to locating the boys’ father. Coordinates left behind in John Winchester’s journal lead them to Black Water Ridge, a National Forest in Lost Creek, Colorado. On the way, the distance between Riley and Sam continues to grow, while Dean begins to occupy the open spaces.

Warnings: General Supernatural warnings apply. Read at your own discretion.

A/N: Episode two! Gonna make this the most slow burn thing I've ever done. Fight me, cowards.

Riley wakes startled.

For a brief moment, panic sets in and she’s unsure where she is or who she’s with. The last thing she remembers is dreaming. Dreaming of Sam’s ghost. It’s been happening more lately―nightmares about losing him, even some about her and Constance, the ghost they encountered weeks ago.

Sam explains everything that took place the night they got back from Jericho as best he can, whenever she asks, but only after Riley begs him continuously for hours on end to tell her. She knows if he can avoid telling her about the fire at all, he will. The funeral took too much out of them.

“You okay?” Dean asks, and it’s gentle. He’s been that way since they left Stanford. He flirts less, Riley misses it.

She sits up, finally aware of her surroundings, and yawns. She’s in the front seat of the Impala, snuggled between Dean and Sam, who’s still fast asleep. Her eyes drift to the bandages on her hands, they itch and she knows it’s because they’re healing. Her skin doesn’t feel hot anymore, the pain isn’t unbearable, just a dull throbbing to the rhythm of her heartbeat.

She hums. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Dean nods, unconvinced. “Another nightmare?”

She knows why he’s asking and she appreciates it, but she wishes he wouldn’t. She wants desperately to dislike him. Riley doesn’t want to talk about the fire or nightmares or Jessica, she wants to help the boys find whatever killed her and get rid of it. She just wants to go back to her life at Stanford.

“You wanna drive for a while?”

At that, Riley’s head swivels toward Dean. Her eyebrows lift in surprise. “Dean, I get the intimidating impression that you don’t let anyone drive this car.”

He laughs. “Got me pegged, huh?” He winks, Riley scowls in disgust.

“I don’t have you pegged for anything, Winchester.”

“Not yet, Thomas.”

She rolls her eyes and scoots closer to Sam, and misses the warmth radiating from Dean’s presence. In another lifetime maybe, she thinks. There’s so much, too much they still don’t know about what happened the night Jessica died. Riley can’t bear to think about it, she can’t bear to think about Sam either. She wonders if he resents her for surviving; it was always supposed to be him and Jessica, and now he’s stuck with her.

Riley’s not okay, she hasn’t been since they left. If Dean knows, he hasn’t said so. Her agenda is set: help them find the thing that killed Jessica, kill the thing that killed Jessica, take Sam back to Stanford, and move on. But something tells her it isn’t that simple.

She pulls the roadmap from the floor by Sam’s feet and lays it across their legs. “So, where are we, anyway?”

“We are just outside of Grand Junction,” Dean says, glancing in the rearview mirror. Miles of open road stretch out behind them.

“Hmm. . .” Riley shifts uncomfortably, the ache in her arms is noticeable now. She should ask Dean to pull over so they can redress her wounds, but they need to keep going, for Sam’s sake.

Wordlessly, Dean pulls the Impala to a stop on the side of the road. The look he gives her is more of an order than a suggestion and Riley’s scrambling out of the driver’s door behind him without a second thought.

Truth be told, Dean’s not entirely sure what he’s doing. He’s never cared about anyone other than himself or Sam―not in the way Sam obviously cares about Riley. But he’s trying, they all are.

“Here, let me take a look.” Dean’s touch is soft, even with the callouses on his fingers. He carefully removes the bandages on Riley’s wrists, trying not to pull away the loose skin. “Not bad,” he says.

Riley stares at his hands as they move over hers; removing old bandages and replacing them with new ones, lightly soothing the area with burn cream, massaging her fingers so the joints don’t stiffen up. Dean’s softer with her now than he was with Sam in Jericho.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“Someone’s gotta.”

“Charity then?”

“If that makes you feel better.”

It doesn’t, but she keeps that to herself.

―

The next town they stop in is Lost Creek, Colorado. Clues left behind in their father’s journal lead the boys to believe he was on his way to Backwater Ridge National Forest, there’s a whole lot of nothing out there, but they all agree that taking a look can’t hurt. Riley doesn’t mention how suspicious it seems that John would lead them to a place he intended to be, instead of where he’s currently going. Something doesn’t add up in her mind.

The Ranger Station for the surrounding parks and forests of Lost Creek offers more information than John’s journal, though there’s still pieces missing.

“You really think your dad planned on coming out here?” Riley asks Sam as they pour over the map on the table. They haven’t talked about how either of them are doing since that night, they ignore it in favour of focusing on other things.

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know. So far Dad’s journal is the only thing we have to go on, and it brought us here. There’s gotta be a reason for that.”

“All right. Well, you’re the expert. Where do we start?” she says, leaning over the table in Sam’s space. To be close to him again, she tells herself.

He moves back, puts distance between them that is both physical and symbolic. He points to the map as he speaks, “So Black Water Ridge is pretty remote. It’s cut off by these canyons here―rough terrain, dense forest, abandoned silver and gold mines all over the place. . .”

Behind them, Dean focuses on the framed photo of a large animal on the wall. “Dude, look at the size of this friggin’ bear.”

“. . .and a dozen or more grizzlies in the area. It’s no nature hike, that’s for sure,” Sam finishes his detailed account of the park, but his company has already moved on to other things.

Having enough of Sam’s cold-shouldering, Riley joins the older brother across the room. Though he once again finds her presence irritating, Riley finds warmth around him. It’s more than she can say for Sam.

“I bet,” she says, “you wouldn’t even know what to do with a bear that big.”

Dean rolls his eyes, teasing. “And you would?”

“Mmhm. Unlike you, my dad did take my brother and me hunting. Actual hunting, in the woods, with proper humane traps and everything.” She smiles, proud of herself for being able to one-up the brothers in some capacity of this crazy situation she’s in. At least if they are planning on dragging her out to the middle of God knows where, she’s got the foreknowledge and skills needed for survival.

Dean’s answering smile is playful and reminds her of how Sam’s used to be. She doesn’t tell him that either.

“You three aren’t planning to go out near Black Water Ridge, by any chance?”

“Oh, no, sir. We’re environmental-study majors from U.C. Boulder―just working on a paper.”

“Recycle, man,” Dean chuckles. Oh, the trouble they get into.

Riley catches herself mid-eye roll. A bad habit formed at the expense of her best friend’s atrocious inability to lie; the past few weeks only prove more how lucky he is to have her along. Dean nudges her in the ribs and she busies herself studying the rest of the photos on the wall, feigning colour-coded note-taking in her notebook to aide Sam’s cover story. He owes me big time for this.

The park ranger isn’t convinced and eyes the trio knowingly before offering up his opinion. “Bull. You’re friends with that Hailey girl, right?”

“Yes,” Dean says, considering the accusation. Riley wishes he hadn’t. “Yes, we are, Ranger. . .Wilkinson.”

“Well, I will tell you exactly what I told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn’t be back from Black Water until the 24th. So it’s not exactly a missing persons now, is it? Tell that girl to quit worrying. I’m sure her brother’s just fine.”

“We will. Well, that Hailey girl’s quite a pistol, huh?”

“That is putting it mildly.”

Riley wonders what Dean’s angle is, but he’s gotten more out of Ranger Wilkinson in two minutes than Sam would’ve with his not-so-clever lie. Even she has to admit, though his methods are unconventional and border on weird, Dean gets the job done.

“Actually, you know what would help, is if I could show her a copy of that backcountry permit. You know, so she could see her brother’s return date."

They wait patiently as Ranger Wilkinson prints off the permit, telling them as he does so that he technically shouldn’t be showing it to them since they aren’t immediate family. But if it gets them out of his office, then what’s the harm? Plus, it should keep Hailey from coming back for a while, and for that he’s grateful.

Riley becomes more stunned at Dean Winchester’s existence by the second.

“Are you cruising for a hookup or something?” Sam asks his brother once they’re back outside.

“What do you mean?” Dean answers, and Riley wonders the same.

“The coordinates point to Black Water Ridge. So what are we waiting for? Let’s just go find Dad. Why even talk to this girl?”

“Maybe we should know what we’re walking into,” Dean says, “before we actually walk into it.”

“What?”

“Since when are you ‘shoot first, ask questions later,’ anyway?”

“Since now.”

Riley knows he means since Jessica died, but she keeps that to herself too.

Taglist: @iwantthedean @atc74 @nyotamalfoy @kazsrm67

#carry on my wayward queue #supernatural rewrite #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction

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gleamglows · 3 years

Note

Ask for a sirius request and you shall receive. I've been thinking about this idea for a while (and your writing is perfect for it ily) but how about a ravenclaw reader who is friends with james or remus and they introduce them? The one in my head was remus going to her dorm for a sleepover and bringing sirius and just being like "isn't she neat :)" and sirius immediately falling in love 🥺 no pressure if you dont vibe with it 🥰 ily bunches

i went to ravenclaw tower and all i got was this lousy stained shirt

pairing: sirius/reader

word count: 3.9k

summary: james and remus play matchmaker for you and sirius

content: ravenclaw!reader, fluff, it gets awkward (some of this was hard to write... 😭😭), dialogue heavy, you and sirius are very back-and-forth-y and witty (you’ll see what i mean), i know the title is long but i thought it was funny and i can do what i want

this was such a fun request!! i hope you don’t mind i took some liberties because i just immediately imagined remus and james secretly trying to match the two of you up for a while!! also i turned the sleepover into a party at ravenclaw tower!! (also also i came up with some cute ravenclaw girl ocs just for this, they were supposed to be minor but ended up having their own sideplots because i get carried away with everything. but they were fun to write! i gave them backstories and everything so if anyone wants to know more about them just ask :)

warning: mentions of alcohol!!

“You should meet Sirius.”

“Black?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you know another Sirius?”

You stick your tongue out at him and Remus smiles.

“What is it with Sirius, huh?” you tell him, adding a few drops of rain water into the potion before handing Remus the spoon to stir. He takes it and immediately gets to work.

“You and James,” you continue, idly counting Remus’s counterclockwise stirs in your head. “Not a day goes by where you don’t tell me I have to meet Sirius.”

In truth, you’d seen Sirius a few times. And he’d seen you, but neither one of you had actually spoken more than a few words to the other. Especially not since sixth year. Sirius had dropped Potions and Astronomy as quick as he could - the only two classes you’d had left with him. And seeing as you were in different Houses, bumping into each other in the common room was off the table as well.

But you had Potions with Remus and Astronomy with James, and whenever they could, they would always mention how you just had to meet Sirius. You sometimes wondered if Sirius was always being told he had to meet you.

“I just think you’d get along,” Remus shrugs, halting his stirring before you can even tell him to do so.

You both work in tandem for a bit after that, dropping ingredients into your potion and stirring when needed. You liked partnering up with Remus for this exact reason. You’d both fall into a comfortable silence and develop a good rhythm - you just flowed well together.

Once the potion is nearly finished, Remus speaks up.

“What about tonight? Isn’t there a party at Ravenclaw?”

“Robin says not to call it a party.”

“Well, that’s what it is.”

“Yeah, but we can’t call it that. At least not out loud,” you insist, not wanting your dorm mate’s wrath to come back later and haunt you. “It’s a quiet get-together,” you correct him.

Remus scoffs, knowing damn well that Ravenclaw parties are anything but. “That, then. You can meet him there.”

You raise an eyebrow in complete disbelief. “You’re gonna get Sirius Black to come to a Ravenclaw party?”

“What happened to quiet get-together?”

Damn it.

You quickly spare a glance at Robin, but she’s all the way across the room, scolding her partner for something he did to their potion.

“Good luck with that,” you continue, pretending to ignore his quip.

“We’ll convince him!” Remus assures you, as if it’s the least of his worries.

“Okayyy...” you sing, entirely unconvinced.

You’ve never seen Sirius Black at a non-Gryffindor party. He has way too much House pride to ever be caught partying in another common room. You’re almost positive you’ve seen him root for Gryffindor at Quidditch matches even when the team isn’t playing.

“Okay? So you’ll meet him?” Remus presses.

You laugh. “Okay! I guess!” you tell him, resigned. “But you and James have been hyping him up for a while, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t live up to my expectations and I end up hating him.” You shrug a shoulder as you turn down the fire under the cauldron.

Remus just grins. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Despite your nonchalant attitude with Remus earlier today, you actually find yourself feeling a bit nervous.

“Hey, do you guys know Sirius?” you ask over your shoulder as you straighten your outfit in the mirror. “Black?” you add quickly.

“Did you just ask us if we know Sirius Black?” A shrill voice cuts through the air and you know immediately that it’s Robin.

You groan, “I know, I know, everyone knows-”

“Everyone knows him,” Robin talks over you, and then sprays a copious amount of hairspray into her already voluminous blonde locks.

You move out of her way so she can use the mirror and she gratefully takes the opportunity, stepping in front of you to fluff up her roots.

“Yeah, how do you not know him?” Bea calls from the bathroom, where April is helping her into her dress.

“I mean, I know him,” you say, flopping down on your bed. “But I don’t actually know him. You know?”

“He was April’s first kiss!” Bea taunts. She makes several kissy noises and then you hear her say ‘ow!’

“You’ve got to stop bringing that up,” you hear April scold, “It was second year!”

Bea giggles and then skips out of the bathroom, April trailing closely behind.

Bea has on a stunning yellow sundress with long, belled sleeves - going all out, as usual. The color compliments her dark skin beautifully, but you know she’s really only wearing it to lure in that Hufflepuff boy she’s had her eye on.

April has still yet to get dressed, always waiting until the very last minute, but her straight black hair has been flawlessly curled - presumably Robin’s work.

“So what is it? Why do you wanna know about Black?” April asks politely, leaning against your bedpost as Bea sits on her trunk to slip on her shoes.

“James and Remus... They’re gonna get him to come here.”

Bea nearly drops her shoe, and Robin spins around to face you.

“Here?” The two say at the same time.

“Is he really?” April asks mildly, voice much gentler than the other two.

You shrug and nod your head at the same time, giving them an uncertain look. “I think so? Maybe? If they can convince him.”

There’s a beat of silence and then the hissing sound of Robin’s can of hairspray fills the air once more as she frantically tries to get her hair to cooperate. At the very same time, Bea starts to rummage around her wardrobe, muttering to herself about how ‘I think I have a red dress in here somewhere...’

It’s clear they’re both doubling their efforts, hoping to catch Sirius’s eye.

You laugh a bit and then turn to look at April, whose eyes are stuck on Robin’s reflection. She has a solemn expression on her face, but quickly snaps out of her trance when she notices you watching her.

“So,” she starts, putting on a small smile, “You’ve really never met Sirius Black?” she asks, sitting down beside you and crossing her legs beneath her.

“No, but I hear you have,” you tease, and she rolls her eyes.

“Yes, the first and only boy I’ve ever kissed.” She rolls her eyes.

You hear Robin fumble with her can of hairspray but think nothing of it.

April continues, “Anyway, that was second year,” she waves it off. “I do have muggle studies with him.”

“What’s he like?” you find yourself asking.

April shrugs a shoulder. “He’s nice, I suppose. Funny. Asks the professor a lot of questions about motorbikes.”

You tilt your head. “Motorbikes? Why?”

“Who knows. I think you two would get along, though.”

“Why’s that?”

April observes you for a few beats and then laughs a bit. You expect her to say something more but she just gives you a slight nudge with her elbow and then walks off, most likely to go get dressed.

Well that was pointless. You didn’t really learn anything useful. But then again, you’re not sure what you expected out of a conversation with April, who tends to keep her talking to a minimum (She claims it makes her more mysterious) (And she’s right, too).

Oh well. Perhaps you could find a way to strike up a casual conversation about motorbikes with Sirius.

Yeah, right.

It’s a few hours into the party when the door opens up, letting in James and Remus. Trailing behind them, looking unnecessarily wary, is Sirius Black. He traipses around as if at any moment something in the common room is going to jump out and bite him, and you struggle to stifle a laugh.

You quickly wander off before any of them can spot you, fleeing towards where the drinks are. You figure that when they find you, you may as well be doing something instead of just lamely standing around. So you pick up the ladle and start to refill your cup.

April had transfigured her cauldron into one made of glass, and Robin had used it to concoct her famous sickly sweet, lavender colored drink that she’d aptly named ‘Robin’s Brew’. It was made up of a mixture of muggle and wizard liquors, as well as a myriad of different fruit juices. The taste itself was actually semi disgusting, but you get used to it after the initial few sips.

You ladle some more of the drink into your cup and then spin on your heel, ready to resume the search for your friends.

That is, until you crash face first against a broad chest, effectively spilling ‘Robin’s Brew’ all over whoever you just bumped into.

“Oh my gosh!” you blurt out, setting the now empty cup down. “I am so sorry, I-” Your words catch in your throat when you finally look up to see the person’s face.

So much for a good first impression.

Sirius waves you off, looking down at his now purple stained white shirt. “Don’t worry ab-” he stops in the middle of the word as he raises his gaze to look at you.

His lips are still slightly parted as if his voice had simply escaped him mid-sentence, and his expression is stunned and mesmerized all at once.

“I, um...” he tries again, but it’s as if he’s been put in some kind of trance just by looking at you.

“Oh, great! You’ve met!” A cheery voice cuts through the tension, and you both turn your head to find James beaming at the two of you.

Trailing behind James is Remus, who takes in the state of the two of you and grimaces.

“Met?” Sirius voices as he looks at James, sounding a bit dazed.

“Yeah, remember? Y/N!” James reminds him. “She’s great, right?” he grins, and you cringe.

“Oh, this is...?” Sirius slowly turns his head to look at you again. “Hey...” he says faux-smoothly, as if attempting to salvage your very first meeting.

“Hey...” you say back a bit awkwardly. “Um... Look, there’s towels in my dorm, we can all go?” you suggest, looking to the others for approval.

“Why don’t you two go?” Remus proposes instead, and you shoot him an alarmed look.

“Yeah!” James nearly shouts, looking at Remus as if he’s a genius. “Yeah, you’ll find us later!” he’s quick to agree, and they both start to walk away.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, I don’t know if-” you start, not sure if comfortable enough to be alone with a man you just met after spilling your drink on him.

But Remus and James don’t wanna hear it.

“Alright! See you later!” James throws a finger gun at you as he walks backwards and then spins on his heel.

“But I-”

“Bye!” Remus calls, and then they both disappear into a small crowd of people.

You turn to face Sirius, whose shirt is still dripping and who’s watching you with rapt intrigue. He turns away the moment your eyes meet, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Soon enough you’re leading Sirius down the corridor that leads to your dormitory, trying desperately to remember whether or not you’d tidied up your area of the room.

The door swings open just as you arrive at it, and from out of it come April and Robin who seem to be having a serious looking discussion. They quickly stop talking as soon as they spot the two of you, and April is quick to storm off, leaving Robin behind.

“Oh, you’ll want to get rid of that,” Robin says with a wince, gesturing at Sirius’s shirt. “The stain actually gets darker the more you try to get it off... So...”

You give a heavy sigh. “Yeah, thanks Robin.”

She shrugs apologetically with both hands in the air and then starts to walk off. “Robin’s Brew! Patent pending!” she calls over her shoulder as she scurries off to catch up with April.

“What’s up with them?” Sirius mutters under his breath as you lead him inside.

“Well, aren’t you nosy?” you’re quick to reply.

You say it as a joke, but immediately wish you could take it back. What were you thinking?! You didn’t know Sirius enough to joke around with him like that! You didn’t know him at all! Hell, you’d just spilled your drink all over him, for all you know the guy hates you!

You spin around, ready to apologize, but then Sirius is laughing, and you nearly let out a massive sigh of relief.

“Uh-” your apology catches in your throat for a moment but you quickly recover. “Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s okay.” He shakes his head. “You’re right, nosy is my middle name,” he tells you with a shrug and a lopsided grin.

You find yourself smiling back. “Sirius Nosy Black, huh?”

He hums. “Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, definitely.”

It’s silent for a moment as you both look at each other. Your thoughts leave you a bit as you get distracted by that strange way that he’s looking at you, but then you remember with a jolt that Sirius Black is in your dorm, shirt stained lavender and dripping ‘Robin’s Brew’ onto the floor.

“Um!” You scramble towards the bathroom and yank a random towel off the rack. “Here,” You toss it and Sirius catches it with one hand.

“You can, um...” You trail off but then realize you’re still standing in the doorway, effectively blocking his entrance. “Oh!” You quickly move out of the way, leaving a clear path for Sirius.

“Thanks,” he says with a slight laugh before disappearing into the bathroom.

Once the door closes you’re left alone, idly shuffling around, not really knowing what to do now.

This was horrible. All of this was horrible. You’re alone in your dorm with a man you’ve just met - sure he’s friends with Remus and James, but that doesn’t mean it’s not awkward!

You have to focus. You have to avoid any more tense silences. What would you say when he got out of the bathroom?

You suppose he did laugh at your quip earlier - he’d even added a little joke of his own. You’d gone back and forth a bit. It was easy to converse once you’d gotten started. But getting started was exactly the issue... You needed a good topic. Why can’t you think of a good topic?!

The door to the bathroom opens up and out walks Sirius, leather jacket now slung over his forearm and white shirt drier, but still equally stained.

You panic.

“Hey, do you like motorbikes?” You blurt out, and then have to resist the urge to hurl yourself out the window.

Sirius’s eyes widen and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking like a stunned fish, before saying “Motorbikes?”

You purse your lips. “Yeah, I was...” You shrug, trying to play off your very strange, very targeted question as just casual conversation. “I was just wondering... I dunno...” you say, leaning against one of your bedposts.

Sirius breaks out into a smile. “I have a motorbike.”

“Really! No way!” you exclaim, pretending to be shocked. Although you didn’t really know Sirius owned a motorbike, it wasn’t all that surprising considering what April had told you just a few hours ago.

Sirius’s eyes narrow slightly, looking at you as if he’s trying very hard to figure you out. “Yeah... I’m fixing it up right now...” he tells you, still grinning.

“Oh? Is it broken?”

He tilts his head back and forth a few times and then says “Not exactly.”

You cross your arms. “Then why are you fixing it up?” you challenge.

Sirius just rolls his eyes. “Well I’d argue that anything that can’t fly can definitely be improved.”

That startles a laugh out of you. “You’re gonna get your motorbike to fly?”

“Laugh it up now!” Sirius nods as you bring a hand to your lips, stifling your giggles. “No one’ll be laughing once I finish my flying motorbike!”

“Oh, I’d love to see it in action.”

“Sure, I’ll take you on a ride once it’s done,” he tells you, voice genuine.

That shuts you up. All of a sudden you find that you have no witty response. Apparently out of all the things that could have rendered you silent, the prospect of going on a ride on Sirius Black’s flying motorbike seems to have done the trick.

Sirius notices.

“I mean- If you want.” he quickly says, raising a hand. “I mean- Sorry. I know we just met, and I made you spill your drink, and I think I stained your towel with whatever that drink was - sorry about that too - but I-”

“Hey,” you cut him off, giving him a pointed but lighthearted look.

He gazes back expectantly.

“I’d love to,” you assure him, and he grins.

You don’t even remember what you were so nervous about. This was easy. Talking to Sirius was so easy once you got into a rhythm.

So you did.

You talked for a while, and when you got tired of standing you laid down on your bed, face down, head resting in your hands and legs kicking behind you as Sirius sat cross legged on your trunk in front of you. You talked about possible spells and modifications for Sirius’s motorbike, you bonded about all the times James and Remus had tried to get the two of you together, you even just talked about whatever nonsense came to your heads.

You were still talking (now both sitting on your bed) when the door creaked open, letting in April and Robin. April was asleep and Robin was carrying her bridal style. You notice they’re both barefoot, but Robin only has April’s shoes in hand - hers were probably somewhere in the common room.

“Oh, hey,” you say in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake April.

“Hey,” Robin responds, though she’s not quite as cautious with her volume as you.

Earlier today you’d have thought Robin would’ve freaked out the moment she saw Sirius, but if she cares about him being in the dorm, she doesn’t show it.

“She fell asleep on the couch. Thought I should leave her here,” the blonde explains as she pads over to April’s bed. She drops the shoes on the ground and then pauses to look at you. “Do you mind?” she questions, nodding her head towards the bed.

You quickly get up, striding over to April’s bed and pulling back the blankets.

“Thanks,” Robin murmurs as she gently sets the raven haired girl down.

You pull the covers up again and April stirs a bit but doesn’t wake up.

Robin finally acknowledges Sirius. “Hi,” she waves with a smile. Sirius smiles back. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“No, it’s fine. We were just talking,” you assure her, and she nods a bit before turning her attention back to April, gazing down at her with a slight furrow to her brow.

“Where’s Bea?” you voice, curious.

“Went off with her Hufflepuff, I expect.”

“Mm. Is the party over?”

“Quiet get-together.” Robin corrects you without a second thought and you laugh lightly, sitting back down on your bed beside Sirius. “And yeah. I’m gonna go try to clean up a bit,” she says, sounding like the prefect she is.

You watch as Robin hesitates over April for a bit, smoothing the blankets over, brushing stray hairs from the sleeping girl’s face. It’s as if she wants to take care of her but isn’t sure how. In the end, she gives you a smile, bids a polite ‘goodbye’ to Sirius, and then exits quietly.

“We never went and found James and Remus,” you turn to look at Sirius once the door closes and he grins.

“I don’t think they ever expected us to.”

“You’re probably right.”

April stirs again and you get up to close the curtains of her four-poster.

“I should go help Robin,” you tell Sirius, and he takes the cue quickly standing up.

“Right. Sorry I kept you up.“

“No, it was fun. Sorry I spilled my drink on you.”

“No, it was fun,” Sirius echoes, and you give him a slight shove.

The two of you walk across the room and out of the door in comfortable silence, and once you’re in the corridor you speak up.

“So, hypothetically,” you start.

“Uh-huh,” Sirius assents immediately.

“If you wanted to... I don’t know... Have breakfast with me tomorrow...”

“Oh?”

“How would you go about that?”

“Hypothetically?” Sirius raises an eyebrow, as if double checking.

“Of course,” you nod.

“Well in this completely made up scenario,” he starts, “I’d probably meet you here at seven and walk you down to the Great Hall.”

You fight a smile. “Well, great.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Hypothetically I’d definitely be ready by then.”

“Perfect.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

You’ve reached the door that leads out of the common room by now, and you open it up, leaning against the frame. The rest of the castle is dark as it’s well past midnight, and you can hear the quiet sounds of nearby portraits snoring. You’d be worried about him getting caught, but with all the pranks the Marauders have pulled throughout the years, you know for a fact that Sirius Black had plenty of experience sneaking about the castle after curfew.

You watch as he lights his wand with a quick ‘Lumos’ and starts to walk off, but then he hesitates.

“What?” you voice as he turns around, walking back towards you.

He stops right in front of you, looking at you very intensely, scrutinizing every inch of your face. For a brief moment you expect him to lean in and kiss you, but then he speaks.

“I know you brought up motorbikes on purpose. That girl April takes muggle studies with me, and she-”

You quickly shut the door in his face and press your back against it, eyes wide and smiling despite yourself.

You scurry off to help Robin and a few others clean up, spirits high with the promise of having breakfast with Sirius tomorrow morning.

And who knows, maybe by tomorrow he’ll forget all about the motorbike thing. At least, you hope he does.

(He doesn’t.)

Bonus, the next morning:

“There they are!” James exclaims as you and Sirius approach the table.

“Did he live up to your expectations?” Remus asks you pointedly as you sit down, and you poke your tongue out at him in response.

And then you shrug. “I’ve gotta say, right off the bat I wasn’t impressed.”

“You’re the one who spilled your drink all over me. My poor new shirt! Ruined!”

“Oh, boo hoo. Where will you ever find another plain, white T-shirt?”

“It had sentimental value!”

“And now it has a cute new design! So you’re welcome.”

“You want me to thank you for a stain?”

“It’s a fun souvenir from your first time in a non Gryffindor common room.”

“I should write on it. Big letters: ‘I went to Ravenclaw Tower and all I got was this lousy stained shirt.’”

“At least the stain is purple, it looked nice. Suits you.”

“Are you saying I look good in purple?”

“Sure.”

“So you’re saying I look good?”

“I- I didn’t-” you stammer, and then groan.

“Ah-ha!” Sirius points a finger at you. “Outwitted by a Gryffindor! If only Rowena Ravenclaw could see you now.”

Across the table, Remus and James watch on in dismay.

“Are you already regretting getting them together or is it just me?” James voices.

In response Remus sighs, “Oh, it’s not just you.”

(hey ps for the sake of my sanity let’s just pretend there was no easy simple drying spell they could’ve used)

also: about robin & april

taglist <3 // @isxfisticated @l-adysansa @tomshollandz

#requests #sirius black fluff #sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius black x ravenclaw!reader

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