#i kinda wanted to explore some different relationships | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anticipatecrime · 10 months

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𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 | colby brock & sam golbach x fem reader

summary: slight enemies to lovers trope, sam/colby, and you are from kansas, and make haunted content, only difference is they blew up months before you did. you and the guys have a rocky relationship, jokingly but also not jokingly hating eachother. what happens when you both plan to film at the stanley on the same day. | a/n: hey guys, uh warning for like the beginning of smut(?) also please call me out on spelling mistakes!! also don't be shy to request jake words: 12k

"hey guys, welcome back to another video! if you saw my recent tweets, you'll know that our next series is going to be based around the stanley hotel, one of the most haunted areas in the us." you introduced the video idea. "and to make it even more special, we're going to be joined by three very special guests that you may recognize."

you pan the camera towards your three best friends. "vera, milo andd finn!"

"hi guys!" vera smiles, waving to the camera, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. her light brown hair blowing in the slight wind.

"hey whats up." milo says, putting his hand to his mouth and biting his lip, making his brother roll his eyes.

"nobody likes that." finn murmurs seriously, before chuckling. "hi fans! i've missed you guys." he makes a heart with his hands.

"cringe alerttt." milo snickers, making fun of him.

"okay, okay calm down guys, i need to explain to them what's going to happen today." you stated, setting down the camera onto a tripod, before sitting down yourself on a bench outside of target. "come sit down, i want to get a cool shot."

one by one they sit down on the bench with you, everyone squished so they could be in frame. "okay, so! i'm hoping to film the entire trip so i have a series worth of content for you guys. and i was thinking on how we should get to the stanley, like by plane or something but then i had a thought.. what if.. we did.. a roadtrip!" you announce to not just the viewers but also your friends.

"what." milo gave a disapointed look. "how long are we going to be in colorado?"

"i was thinking that we start driving there tonight, it's kinda a long drive so we'll get to colorado around 11am, and we can like chill out until we check in at stanley around 5, explore the most haunted areas, and then we can sleep for a bit and then wake up at 3am." you explain, earning a nod from the group.

"i'm thinking we only stay there overnight and then we leave in the morning around 10 or so, another 17 hours back, makes it just like two days and a half i think." you say, overexplaining the time, to make sure nobody was busy.

"what day is it today?" vera asks, looking to the two boys.

"wednesday." finn answers, giving a smile to the girl, earning a smile back.

"wait wednesday? shit i don't think i can go y/n, i have a modeling thing on sunday." milo shrugs.

"you'll be back saturday morning, though." you say, raising an eyebrow, and crossing your arms.

"i need my beauty sleep, this trip sounds exhausting, i can't come back, having a shoot with eyebags." he says, earning a scoff from finn.

"whattt." vera pouts at him. "but the ghost squad won't be the same without you! the viewers will be so upset at you."

"yeah! milo we need you to come with us, you always make for good content." you say, before giggling.

he pauses for a moment, thinking about his schedule before looking to vera. the two had a weird relationship, something along the lines of friends with benefits.

finally, he shrugs. "i guess i'll go, but i need to be back that morning, i need time to recharge." he says.

"awesome!" you smile, jumping out of your seat on the bench. you glance at finns watch. "okay so it's about 4, we need to leave around 6. so i'm thinking we get loads of snacks and some ghost type stuff here at target, get to the apartment and then we can pack like anything we need."

"fuck yeah." finn nods. "i'm down for snacks." he laughs as you jokingly pass your credit card to him.

"since i'm dragging you guys out here, the snacks and stuff is all on me so don't worry about paying."

"yoo really?" finn actually snatches your card this time, laughing mischievously.

"are drinks on you too?" vera asks, with a smug smile. "i could use some vod- i mean water." she looks into the camera directly as she corrects herself. she coughs. "water, yes water."

"i fucking love water." milo laughs, wrapping an arm around vera, making her blush.

you clear your throat, before looking to finn, and pulling him along into target. "lets go guys! we don't have much time."

the four of you grab a cart, trying to keep the camera down so an employee doesn't see and kick you out. vera suggests you getting into the cart, so you do and suddenly shes pushing you down aisles at rapid speed.

you scream at the movements. "vera! be careful!" you laugh, the boys chasing you two down.

"how will we get snacks if you two are fooling around with your shenanigans." finn comments, trying not to burst out into laughter.

"okayy, fineee." vera stops the cart, making it jolt.

"so, what snacks should we get?" you ask from inside the cart, looking at the chip selection.

"oo definitely doritos." milo reaches for them, throwing them in.

"i want ms vickies." you say, grabbing two kinds, both your favourite, and finn's.

"hmm i don't know what i want, i'm more craving licorice." she walks away into the direction of the candy aisle.

"she left us!!" you pout, encouraging finn to push the cart slowly.

as you three make it to the other aisle, you see vera with her hands full of candy. licorice, m&ms, gummy bears, popcorn and some chocolate.

"yes the m&ms!" you shout, making grabby hands towards the small package.

"i know you so well." vera snickers, chucking not one but two packages directly at you. "score!!"

"do we need any other snacks?" you wonder aloud, looking back to the guys.

"i could use a drink." milo comments, shrugging.

"to the drinks!"

everyone goes completely different in their choice of drink. you watch as finn reaches for two monster cans, vera on her tippy toes trying to grab a bottle of fresca, and milo looking at coconut milk. you scoff and roll your eyes at that.

finn notices the look and shuffles over to you, whispering behind his hand. "he's so lame."

you try not to laugh, as he's a few meters away. "i agree. i don't know what vera sees in him." you mutter back, knowing that finn has been in love with her since preschool.

you had all gone to the small school, finn meeting vera, and milo meeting you in kindergarten. because of classes you didn't really know finn until he was at vera's 6th birthday party.

and ever since you three had been the best of friends. with milo he was slightly different. it was like he was popular since the womb. he came out and immediately was the cooler sibling. it took a few more years for him to be apart of the group, only really joining because vera had a huge crush on him.

it was a weird love triangle. them being brothers and all. it was obvious milo didn't have feelings for her but he couldn't not play into it.

"i'm being serious, i can't believe she's still all over him." you say. "he treats her horribly. you really should confess." you encourage him.

"dude, i'm not ruining our 18 year long friendship just because of my dumb feelings." he sighs disappointingly.

"atleast consider it. you're perfect for her!"

"perfect for who?" both you and finn become still, eyes wide turning to the girl standing infront of them.

"perfect for selena gomez." you blurt, before whispering into her direction. "his celebrity crush." you shrug, trying to hide what was actually happening.

finn rolls his eyes, annoyed. "yeah."

"oh cool. she's hot i guess." she turns away and walks back towards milo, attempting to look over his shoulder.

"close one." you mumble.

"don't talk about this stuff around her, i can't risk her finding out." he pleads, embarrassed of the situation.

"yes, of course, sorry about that." you rub the back of your neck awkwardly before getting a drink too.

about 20 minutes later, and you're leaving target, still in the cart, packed tightly around the bags. you click the button on your key, the trunk popping out. the guys begin to pack away the bags in there, before vera takes you on one last run with the cart.

"wooooo!" you smile, feeling the cold wind hit you at your fast past. you're going so quick that you can only just make out the figures of the guys, finn with his camera out, taking a few pictures of the two of you.

after the shenanigans were over, you were driving the car back to the apartment you, vera and finn shared. you remember when vera begged you two to let milo move in as if there was room.

the apartment was bigger than an average one, but for four people, it would suck and be cramped with eachothers things.

and it wasn't like you couldn't afford a real place, because you could. your youtube channel was absolutely blowing up. you were about halfway to three million subscribers, around the same amount as your social media arch nemesis, sam and colby.

your channel and theirs have always been really close, them having no more then 10k subscribers then you at a time. it's been noticed by many fans, and earlier this year it became a competition. both yours and their fanbases have almost gone against eachother, starting a rivalry.

it was such a serious thing to their fans that they would leave hate comments on most of your videos. you tried not to let it get to you, and you made sure to only take them as jokes.

you honestly felt a bit betrayed by sam and colby as a creator. you thought they would've spoken up about the real threats, but they chose to leave it unnoticed, leave their fans spewing hate.

infact one time they even made a passive aggressive dig towards you in their haunted series a few months ago. colby said something along the lines of how they would always be better and he made a joke about sexism, that womens youtube content could never be as good as a mans. he clearly said it was a joke, but who jokes about that stuff?

and that's when you really declared war. if they wanted to be assholes, they would get treated as such. you ended up blocking him on instagram so you’d stop getting tagged in stuff with him.

you sighed, walking through the door behind everyone else, going to your room to pack a few clothing items. you turned the camera back on, setting it on the side table. "hey guys, just an update, we are now each packing our bags, and hopefully we will leave within the hour! hmm i think i'm gonna post the picture finn took in the parking lot for you guys."

you go onto your phone and post a picture on instagram. this was something you would do often to interact with fans.

you would post a picture while filming, and reply to a few comments on the video.

@y/nslittleworld

Liked by verakeys, finnsphotography, tarayummy and 310k others. y/nslittleworld: this is how we're getting to colorado, by cart view all 4,381 comments.. verakeys: when i was pushing you inside the store i was so scared of an employee 😭 finnsphotography: pretty tarayummy: you guys r so hot!! brennen: pls answer my dms | y/nslittleworld: brennen for the last time i won’t be your girlfriend

y/nsbiggestfan12: she posted!!, new lock screen check! | y/nslittleworld: you’re adorable <3 i love my fans

team_y/n776: team y/n! she's so pretty!! | team_colby_brock: no she's not 💀she looks basic view 109 comments..

you giggled at your comment to brennen. it's a running joke on both of your channels that brennen has a major crush on you.

"oh god." you put a hand to your mouth, looking at all the replies arguing about which youtube channel is better. you hated how seriously all of this has become, you never wanted this many people hating on you on the internet but it seems like it was practically inevitable.

hearing a light knock on your door, you spotted milo looking at you. "hey just to let you know we're ready and waiting."

"alright, i'm coming."

the roadtrip was long, uncomfortable and almost unbearable. you were only two hours in and you were tired. since you planned this, everyone demanded you drive, atleast until you get too tired. finn offered to take turns with you. "hey vera, can you pass me that five hour energy shot?"

she chuckled, passing it to the front.

the car you had was very large, it was like a family van. you bought it, knowing you'd need space for camera equipment, and people since you were a youtuber. the seats were down in the back, creating a bed like base. was it a little unsafe? possibly, but you were a very good driver so you were confident it'd be fine.

finn opened the bottle for you, and you took it, chugging the container in a few seconds. before making a screeching sound. "yuck."

as he put his hand up to move his hair out of his face, milo started talking. "so like, what's so scary about this place?"

"oh i have tons of stories." you chuckle, gesturing for finn to grab the camera and place it on the dashboard. "hey guys! we're about two hours into the drive, and i think it's a good time to share why the stanley is so haunted." you smile.

"me and y/n did a lot of research and took some notes." finn shows the paper he's holding. "because she's driving i'm going to do most of the explanation this time."

he places the paper infront of him. "okay so first." he looks back to his brother. "ya'know the shining? like the movie."

"uhh yeah i think so." he shrugs. "why?"

"well the shining was created by stephen king, and it's based on a dream he had while staying here." "he had crazy dreams and feelings from the hotel. there's many different spirits that reside there."

"yeah like room 217, the most haunted room in the hotel. it's haunted by a spirit named elizabeth wilson, she was the hotels head housekeeper and didn't die in the room, but got injured during a storm in 1911, and now she chooses that room to stay in." you pip in, while turning.

"there's the vortex, which as you all know." finn looks to the camera. "is those mirrors facing eachother, creating a kind of portal, or 'rapid transit system' he repeats from his notes.

"also the concert hall." he continues. "if you watched our video from last year, you'll know we did a throughout investigation in the concert hall, where a young spirit called lucy lives. she basically froze to death outside after getting kicked out by janitors in super cold weather."

"i really recommend you guys go check out our first video about the stanley, because we give tons more information about the hauntings." vera says to the camera.

"i'm thirsty." milo groans.

the group laughs at him, you grabbing the camera and turning it off. finn throws a waterbottle into the back, not looking. it ends up hitting milos face, earning a scoff. "watch where you're throwing things."

finn just rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh. "sorry brother."

you chuckle at the sibling behaviour, before sighing looking out ahead at the road. "this is so tedious." you yawn.

finn laughed, before asking if you were okay to drive. "yeah, i'm okay. you guys should try and get some sleep! i'll pull over and wake finn up when i need to switch. but for now, really get some z's."

"you don't have to tell me twice!" vera announces, sinking into her blanket.

"i won't purposely try and fall asleep but if i do, wake me up the second you need to okay?" finn said, earning a nodd from you.

as the sun set fully, the dark began to set in. it was honestly pretty nice. there were no cars on the road, and occasionally anytime they went through a town there would be plenty of lights. it felt calm, rather than scary.

you felt like you were preparing yourself for the stanley. you had been once before, about a year and a half ago with just vera and finn, and your experience was crazy. so many noises, feelings, stuff moving around.

you loved the paranormal so even though places were crazy, it was fun. you were nervous about milo coming, knowing he didn't believe in ghosts, and from previous experiences in videos. you were scared about him disrespecting whatever was in the hotel.

you just hoped he'd be respectful, because this kind of stuff hit you hard. you've had tons of paranormal experiences ever since you were a kid.

you yawned, keeping your eyes on the road.

suddenly the car was lit up, you glanced down to your phone that was sitting in the cup holder. you had an instagram notification from tara, one of your youtuber mutuals.

you wouldn't exactly consider her a close friend, but you've gone to tons of partys with her. because of tara, you had met jake who was friends with sam and colby.

you actually really liked tara and jake, they were cool and really nice. you slowed the car down, pulling onto the side of the road to look at the notification.

she had messaged you a longish message.

tarayummy: hey girl, just wanted to ask if you knew that jake and the guys are going to the stanley tomorrow? i saw your tweet about going and wanted to warn you

y/nslittleworld: oh shit what? did they say that publicly? i had no idea they'd be there

you began to panic, you were clueless about the guys coming to the stanley hotel. what if they think you copied them?

tarayummy: no they haven't told their fans yet, jake saw your tweet and told them about you being there, so i thought it was fair i did the same

y/nslittleworld: thanks for the heads up! i'm about to start driving so i'll talk to you later :)

tarayummy: okok, have a good trip

about 4 hours later, you had to quit. your eyes watering from how bad you needed to sleep. you gave finn a nudge, and pulled over.

thankfully he was happy to help, and told you to rest while he drove. you were out like a light in seconds.

you woke up much later than you thought, it being around 7 in the morning. you stretched out, eyes opening to the bright sunlight hitting the car. yawning, you turned to finn, who was slumped into an uncomfortable position, driving the car.

"hey." you smiled, rubbing your eyes. "need me to take over? i didn't mean to sleep that long." you chuckle.

"no it's okay, i've got this." he said back, taking a sip of his monster.

"okay well, don't be too stubborn, let me know when you need to switch again."

he nodded.

"where are we?" vera asks, her voice raspy from waking up. with her arms over her head, she stretched, and cracked her back.

finn yawns. "close to colorado, we're in utah right now. about an hour till we're in colo, but 6 i think until we get to our hotel."

she groans. "we're so far away." "guys i have an announcement." you say, frowning. "sam and colby.. they're filming at the stanley today too."

"sam and colby?!" vera peeks up. "okay, okay i know this is bad for you but oh my god we're going to meet sam and colby." you and finn looked to her with confused faces.

"since when were you 9 years old." you say, rolling your eyes at her fangirling. this was your borderline competition, she can't be excited about the enemy.

"for real." finn adds, continuing to drive.

hours later, you four realized you were an hour behind schedule so you just decided to check into the stanley hotel early. you had room 217 and 401 reserved, luckily.

you wondered where sam and colby were staying.

you carried two bags into the main room you wanted to stay in, which was 217. "guys, hurry up." you rushed them, waiting for them to follow you.

finn nodded, grabbing his and veras bags, her and milo following close behind. "i'm excited." finn states.

"me too actually, last time it was crazy! i'm excited to see what happens." vera smiles to him.

"this camera equipment is so heavy." slowly one of the bags starts to fall from your grip.

"i got it." milo rushes to your side, grabbing the bag. he smirks, now hip to hip with you. you smiled back awkwardly.

you weren't the biggest fan of milo for multiple reasons. the way he treated vera, and what he does behind her back. like smirk, wink and touch your shoulder unwantedly. it made you uncomfortable everytime but you brushed it off as just his cocky flirty personality.

"this is our door!" you call out, setting the bag down temporarily to unlock the door with the key. milo pushes open the door, holding it open for you.

everyone shuffles in and puts their bags down onto the floor. "okay." you sigh, relieved.

"now what do we do?" vera asked, looking around before jumping on the bed. "woo!"

"i'm thinking change, and we go check out the bar, maybe get something to drink and eat?" you offer up earning nods from the group.

"yes please." finn moans at the thought of food.

as you four make your way downstairs, you start to hear loud male voices. you pause, holding your arm out so nobody comes down. you listen, hearing jakes voice.

"sam, colby, jake and corey are at the front desk." you whisper.

"be non chalant." milo shrugs, walking infront. you all follow him down the stairs, like he was a bodyguard.

you adjust your tank top, pulling it up, and uncreasing your baggy jeans.

immediately you see the four guys, standing and talking to the camera. jake notices you first, eyes widening before waving. his wave got the attention of the rest of the group and they turned to see you four walking to the bar.

the four guys were looking at your group.

you accidentally lock eyes with colby, before his trail down, clearly checking out you. eventually you're walking out of sight and his eyes follow you. "i can't believe she's here on the same day we are." he mumbles.

sam took a step away from the group, glancing towards the bar. there you were, giggling with your friends, sipping a drink. even though your fanbases rivaled, he was a huge fan of your channel, and loved your content.

"i know, it's crazy. what are the odds?" he chuckles, sending a polite smile your way when you notice him staring. 'odd' you think to yourself.

"what if we did a video with them." he suggested.

"dude that would be sick if we teamed up." jake agreed with the other.

colby stared at them with wide eyes, wondering what the fuck they were thinking. "guys, no fucking way." he said. "sam what has gotten into you. don't you remember that she hates us? and vice versa."

"she's not even that bad, all she did was block you on instagram." he shrugged.

"what did you do brother." corey shakes his head in disappointment.

"all i did was make a dumb joke last year, and she blocked me." colby shrugged, frustrated.

"that's such a half truth." jake called him out. "you literally made a sexist joke towards her and didn't apologize, and your fans sent her death threats and you didn't do anything about it."

sam and colby looked to eachother, not even knowing about the hate messages you were receiving because of them. "shit really?"

"there's no way you didn't know. her instagram dms, comments, youtube comments are full with hate from toxic fans." jake pushed.

"i really didn't know." sam said, putting his hands up, grimancing. "i should go over there and apologize." he began to walk towards the bar before colby grabbed and pulled him back by his arm.

"dude no, that's so embarrassing." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "besides, she's being dramatic over a dumb, obvious joke i made." colby tried to explain what he thought was right. "i didn't do a single thing to upset her, it was a joke." he defended.

"what is up with you." sam shakes his head, not recognizing his best friend. he sounded like an asshole, and he couldn't figure out why.

while in reality, colby was just embarrassed for making such an ignorant joke... an ignorant joke to someone he actually looked up to. both sam and colby had been privately watching your videos, honestly getting inspired to make their own content.

"yo, are you guys good to check in? i might go say hi to y/n." jake said, ignoring colby's eyes.

"actually can i come too? i'd like to meet her, and apologize." sam asked.

"i feel left out, i want to meet her too." corey said.

"okay, we're going to y/n, you can come if you want i guess." jake says towards colby, before they began to walk away.

"yo, y/n!" jake called out, walking in your direction. you turned, just expecting jake, shocked to see corey and sam following behind him.

"hey jake!" you smiled, hopping off the barstool to hug him. "i've missed you, it's been awhile." you sayy, sitting back down, before hesitantly looking to the other guys.

finn looked up from his phone, seeing them surround your area. he made sure to keep an eye out for you while vera and milo were drinking a few chairs down.

"it really has." he sat down on the chair next to you. "this is uh sam and corey." he gestures towards them.

"oh hi, what's up." you sit their awkwardly, doing the so called white person face out of awkwardness.

"hey, i'm corey." he holds out his hand, you give it a little shake.

"good to meet you." you smile, sensing his chill personality. you are then met with sam, him standing there awkwardly, trying to figure out a way to apologize to you.

you being socially awkward and hating the silence, speak first. "it's uh cool to finally meet you." you nod, avoiding eye contact with him, not sure on how he's feeling about the situation.

"it's awesome to meet you too, i'm a fan of your content." he smiles, making you surprised and flustered, not expecting that.

"wow really?" you giggle. "i could say the same thing about your channel." you take notice of one boy missing and glance around. he notices your wandering eyes.

"colby's uh.." sam trailed off, looking to the check in desk, before realizing he wasn't there. he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped back, before realizing said boy was right behind him. "right here i guess." he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

"we were just looking for you brother." corey says, grabbing his shoulder.

"i uh put the bags in the room, it's a pretty nice room actually." he says to his group, trying to not even look in the direction of you. you notice the behavior and spin the stool around, to talk to finn about exploring.

you hear the guys murmur, not exactly sure what they're saying until you hear a groan and a sigh.

"yeah i'm thinking we take a look around at the hotel right now while it's light out, and visit our other room." finn said, taking out a map of the hotel, since it's been awhile.

"i agree, sounds like a great idea." you nod.

"hey y/n." a voice says from behind you. you turn to see sam again. "would you be down to do a collab or something for atleast a part of both yours and our series?"

hesitantly, you pause, looking towards finn. "what do you think?" you give him a confused face, so he's aware you're not sure of the idea.

he also makes a face.

sam clears his throat. "it's totally okay if not, no pressure." he smiles.

you nod slowly. "i guess we could." you shrug, sipping more of your drink. "what do you have in mind?" out of the corner of your eye you see vera and milo make their way towards you, the latter glaring at the guys infront of you.

"what's going on here?" he asks, leaning on the bar.

"oh hey. this is sam." you introduce him, them shaking hands, milo's cleary very stiff. "he want's to do a collab with my channel."

he raises an eyebrow. "anyways, we're doing a seance later, so i thought maybe if you and your friends wanted to join it?”

you sigh. “i dont know, seances are very powerful and not to be disrespected. i would only agree if you guys were doing it properly, no jokes, no mocking.” you said seriously.

“i mean we can try our best, but when we’re scared we tend to joke a bit, im sure we could take it more seriously.”

“i.. i don’t know.”

“here well i’ll give you my number just incase you change your mind.” he smiles towards you. you nod your head, handing him your phone.

he gives it back and you slide it into your pocket. “hopefully i’ll see you later.” he looks proud of himself as he walks away to the guys. jake waves to you, before they’re out of eyesight, probably going to explore.

you blush slightly at his kindness. before finn nudges you with his elbow and raises his eyebrow.

“what was that about? why are you blushing.” he interrogates you, making you blush more.

“he’s cute.” you shrug, trying to lessen your large smile. “and he just exchanged numbers with me.”

everyone decides to finish their drinks before they go anywhere. you were pretty surprised and happy about the events of a few moments ago.

you had been trying to squash whatever was previously between you, sam and colby, so this was a good start. you were pretty flustered when vera and milo started asking about the blush on your cheeks.

sam on the other hand, when his friends, mainly jake questioned him about you, he was holding himself together, not showing any weakness. “what are you guys talking about.” he shakes his head at the claims of him liking you.

“that was so flirty of you brother.” corey points out, smirking at him.

“are you guys gonna bone.” jake jokes, making a weird voice.

“ew, dont say that.” “thats weird.” sam says, shaking his head once more.

“she is pretty hot.” colby comments, looking at her as he walks away.

“colbyyy.” corey calls out at him. “don’t be a weirdo, bro.”

sam huffed at his friends childish behaviour, but to be fair if the roles were switched he would probably tease them about it too.

if he was being honest, you were really cute, and he loved your personality. every video you’ve made, he’s watched and not just watched, enjoyed.

he’s wasn’t following you on any socials, but he always checked up on them every week or so. he was well aware of your fanbases rivalling, and he was obviously there when colby made the comment about you and he remembers in a video of yours when you said that you disliked the duo.

after hearing that and seeing you block colby, he assumed you wouldn’t want him following you either.

but after what jake said, he realized how shitty him and colby had been. he couldnt believe all the hate you were getting on twitter. when jake showed him, his mouth was wide open, shocked at how horrible their fans were being to you.

the worst hate comment he had gotten from this whole situation was a few of your fans saying you were better then him. and he was used to comments like that from the traphouses prank war.

he felt horrible, and wanted to apologize, but he felt weird doing it with everyone around him which is why he wanted to see you again, so he could say sorry in a private setting.

and he did have to admit, that he just wanted to talk and see you again too. he definitely had a crush on you, and has had one for atleast a year now.

your style, your personality it was just above and beyond what he was attracted to. one problem.. he could tell colby thought the same as him.

the boy would never admit this, but sam remembered one time a few months ago where he came over, and saw you on colby’s tv screen. he had been binging your channel on a thursday night.

it was clear he liked your videos, and content because a week after you uploaded a video, he copied the point of it and did his own verison.

sam encouraged him to apologize or talk to you but he was being too arrogant and full of himself. he didnt want to seem like he was in the wrong, even if he was. (which he knew he was)

“so you invited her to the seance?” colby asked, as they walked around outside.

“yeah, she said she’ll think about it.” sam replied.

“i hope she does, she seems cool, id like to get to know her.” corey said, genuinely liking your clothing style and hair. he thought it made you unique, and in the best way possible.

“her group is also going to explore soon so we might see them around.” sam added.

“great.” colby rolled his eyes.

“brother, if you just apologize, it’ll be fine. y/n is so forgiving. trust me, before i knew her i spilt my drink all over her outfit at a party. she was so cool about it.” jake said, trying to explain how chill you were.

“it’s not that easy.” he scoffed, frustrated at this dumb feud he caused between the two of you. but to be fair, he still thought you were too dramatic about it.

“whatever colby.” sam shrugged, before pulling out his camera and updating the viewers about the concert hall they were going to explore.

you, and the three others finished what you were doing at the bar, and headed back to your room to unpack a few items, mainly stuff to film with and use.

you had the spirit box in hand. you were really excited to use the estes method, because you hadn’t tried it before, and finding out it was invented here at the stanley was crazy.

finn grabbed the emf reader and walked with it around the room. it blinked to the first level before staying grey. “mm nothings showing up, we’ll definitely retry it later.” he says to the camera.

"the emf is one of my favourite devices, it'll either be neutral or just going off like fucking crazy." vera says, scrolling on her phone. "oh also y/n, you're trending on twitter." she says carelessly.

"what?!" you exclaim rushing over. trending on twitter was almost always a bad thing so you panicked as you pulled the phone from her.

you read the headline. "famous youtuber, y/n photographed in etes park, colorado by fan." "huh." you scroll under #y/n, and see a picture of yourself at a gas station you stopped at on the way.

"that's not creepy at all." finn murmurs.

"yeah like what the hell, the fan didn't even come say hi or ask for an actual picture." vera says, with a slightly disgusted face.

"maybe they were just nervous." you shrug. "thank god i'm not cancelled or something." you chuckle, anxiously.

"what would you even be cancelled for? being too nice?" milo gave a rhetorical question, making vera laugh.

"no really though, what would i get cancelled for." you thought aloud.

"definitely murdering someone." finn replied, before snickering. "you scare me when you're angry."

"heyy, i'm not that bad." you said, rolling your eyes.

"you threw a book at me when i didn't do the dishes!"

"it was your turn! you are supposed to do the dishes once a week! once! i do it five times a week! they were there for 2 fucking days!" you shout, jokingly frustrated.

"i forgot!" he defends, chuckling to the camera. "this is what i go through on a daily guys." he says for sympathy points to the viewers.

"should we start exploring?" you ask.

"hell yeah." vera grins, putting on a sweater.

"okay guys." finn hands the camera to you. "we are now going to the other room we reserved, room 401 and hopefully we'll hear children laughing."

it had been about thirty minutes, you holding the emf reader, slowly walking around the room and asking questions. vera was looking out the window, spotting the guys from earlier, milo was watching you with the emf, curious on how it worked, and finn was editing a video you had filmed a few days ago.

nothing had been happening, so everyone was just relaxing.

but suddenly, the emf reader went to orange, you dropped it out of fright, everyone looking at the device going off. "holy shit." you mutter.

"is there someone in this room with us?" finn asks, looking up from the laptop.

the emf went green, before boosting up to orange again.

milo's eyes widened. "woah."

"are you a child?" the question made the device turn off.

"are you a maid? or one of the-" it shot back to orange.

"this has never happened before." you say to the camera. "this has been the only time that the emf and the questions have been spot on."

it was about 30 minutes later, and you were leaving the room by yourself. everyone was a bit tired as well as bored, and decided to chill out. it was about 8 now, and you checked your phone as you were walking around the hotel.

you realized sam had messaged you a few minutes ago.

sam from the bar: "hey! just checking in. if you're free, us four are about to go into the concert hall if you and your friends want to join."

sam had been waiting for a reply, looking at his phone every few seconds, before sighing and putting it down. just as he was walking into the doors with colby, corey and jake, his phone vibrated. "guys wait!" he called out.

y/n: hey! i'm totally down :) the rest of the crew is napping in our second room rn so it would just be me, is that cool?

you didn't have to wait for a reply, him texting back immediately.

sam from the bar: yeah that's awesome, we'll wait for you outside the hall

you began your walk outside, quickly realizing you should've brought a sweater, the wind nipping at your exposed shoulders and neck. you saw them in the distance and waved.

sam took notice of you, and smiled at your gesture, before waving back. he saw you were still wearing the clothes from earlier, and realized how could you must be. in this moment he wished he would've worn a sweater he could give to you.

he saw a smirk on colbys face as you made your way over, and scoffed quietly.

"hey y/n!" you heard from sam. you quickly rushed over and you stood infront of him.

"hey sam!" you gave him a light side hug, before looking to the others. "so, are you guys ready to meet lucy?"

"no." corey fake cries.

as you begin to walk in, you trip up the stairs, colby snickering, before making a comment. "watch where you're walking princess." he rolls his eyes, stepping by you.

sam holds his hand out for you, helping you up before giving colby a face, as if to ask why he was still being a dick.

you tried to ignore him, and turned your flash on, looking around the concert hall. it was pitch black, and looked very creepy, everything neutral and dead looking colours.

colby and corey pointed out the mirror that had pictures taken in it, before a loud bang was heard. "what was that." jake turned to the area, before corey discovered a picture he took with a streak down the middle.

"that looks like a face almost." colby said.

"to me it just looks like something to do with the mirror, and the flash." you shrug, getting an annoyed face from the boy.

corey started taking more pictures, and a light turned off in the other room, getting colby's attention. everyone stood still, facing the room. "i have a horrible feeling about that room." he said.

in a few seconds everyone was running out of the building, from a picture that showed lucy peeking around a piece of furniture. sam looked at you before going back into that room with corey, trying to figure out what the shadow could have been.

you, colby and jake were sitting in the other room, jake distracted on his phone. you clearly caught colby checking you out, him watching you carefully.

"so where's your crew?" he asked, with a odd tone of voice.

"they are napping and relaxing in our room." you said, short and plain, avoiding eye contact with him.

"cool." he was mentally slapping himself. he had no idea how to start a conversation with someone, especially someone that he had offended. "are you dating that kid? the one with the dark brown hair?"

you raised an eyebrow. "that's not really your business, but no i'm not. he's my best friend. also his name's finn."

"he looks like a nerd." he points out, trying to joke, but only making you more uncomfortable. "that other guy though, looks like an asshole."

"he is. and that's milo." colby sees your face as you talk about him, making him curious. he watches as you shiver from the cold, and he sighs, taking off his sweater.

"you're so unprepared." he chucks his sweater in your direction, it hitting your eye. you wince, before scoffing.

"what the fuck." you mutter, rubbing it until the pain lessens.

"cmon princess, lighten up." he hums, finding amusement out of your annoyed face. he could tell you were getting more and more pissed off. "if you were smarter, maybe you would've worn a sweater."

"i'm not taking your dirty ass sweater." you throw it back at him, it practically slapping him.

he shrugs, seeing you shiver once more. "your loss."

as soon as corey and sam rush out of the back room, colby shuffles away from you, pretending to be on his phone.

"we need to leave." corey says, eyes watering. you all follow him outside, and look at the pictures he's been taking.

"jesus." you mutter.

sam stands right next to you, his arm touching yours. you visibly blush at the action, and take a small step away when colby starts watching you. "this is crazy." sam states, zooming into the picture.

"lucy is definitely calling you guys pussies." jake jokes, making you laugh.

corey refuses to go back in and eventually convinces the rest of the guys to go back to their hotel room. you agree, thanking them for inviting you.

as the others leave, sam stays behind a second. "you're really cool." he comments.

you gush at that, and giggle, trying to stop the red coming to your face. "thank you, you're cool too, i look forward to the seance, which i've decided to join."

sam grins. "awesome! we'll do it around 3am if thats okay with your guys."

"that's fine with them." you say, looking into his bright blue eyes. "you're a lot nicer than i thought."

"vice versa, you're so much more chill then i imagined."

"you imagined meeting me?" you say, jokingly pouting before laughing.

"i actually have, pretty big fan right here." he plays into the joke. it's silent for a few seconds, just the two of you looking at eachother.

sam tried to keep himself from looking at your body, finding it disrespectful since he just met you, but his eyes wandered slightly, the outfit you were wearing attracting him. the way it hugged your curves, it made him drool.

"you're really pretty." he huffs, slightly frustrated at how attractive you were.

you're absolutely stunned hearing that, your face clearly showing you were giddy. you knew both of you had been sharing little touches since you met, and been flirting very slightly but you didn't actually think anything would come from it.

"you are too, sam. you're pretty." you say back, making him smile.

"can i kiss your cheek?" he asks. your smile is unbearably large, it starting to hurt.

"yes, you may." right as you say that, he kisses your left cheek, his hand lightly hovering around your waist. his lips were on your face, so close to your own.

you were never one for kissing on a first date, so only just meeting this guy, talking to him a few times and letting him kiss your cheek was crazy.

you honestly wished he would've asked for a real kiss. you definitely would've said yes. his lips leave you, his breath hitting your neck. "i think-"

right as he began to talk, a loud shout came from a window on the top floor. "sam, hurry the fuck up!" colby yells, smirking. it was like he was watching for the correct moment, wanting to interrupt.

sam sighs, his head dipping. "i'm sorry, i have to go." he rubs the back of his neck anxiously.

"it's okay." you say, still smiley. "thank you for the kiss." you look back up at colby and you can see him still looking. you propped yourself up on your tippy toes and gave him a quick kiss, before walking into the hotel, him following slowly.

he didn't know why but he was obsessed with you, watching from the window. he couldn't take his eyes off of you. and when he saw you kissing his best friend, he felt irritated. (from his angle it looked like you were actually kissing sam)

he honestly felt like some kind of stalker. he sighed, from the window, shaking his head. you were making him crazy.

as you got back to your room, you saw your friends asleep. milo and vera were on either side of the bed, and finn was sleeping on a foot rest. you grimanced at that, and woke him up. "dude, that cannot be comfortable." you laugh quietly.

he groaned. "it's not. this sucks." he looks over to vera, sleeping peacefully.

"wanna go to the other room?" you ask, he nods.

both you and finn walk to the other room. you both moan once you lay on the bed. it was so uncomfortable after standing and walking around the entire time. "god this is the comfiest bed." you say, stretching your arms.

"i agree." "so how was the concert hall?"

you blush, remembering what happened. "sam kissed my cheek." you whisper, him getting up and looking at you.

"no way! really?" he smiles for you, happy that you're finally having a chance at a relationship.

"it was so.. ahhhh." you can't even finish talking, before you throw yourself into a pillow, screaming into it.

"also at 3am they want to do the seance." you said, letting him know. he nodded and continued to lay down.

you quickly both fell asleep, sleeping peacefully. however you slept a lot longer then you anticipated. when your first alarm went off, you were shocked.

you had set a 2am alarm, so you could be ready for 3.

you didn't think you were that tired to nap for a few hours. you threw the blanket off of you and quickly realized finn was sound asleep next to you. you rushed to turn off your alarm, and once you did you watched him snore for a few seconds.

glad that he was still asleep, you got up and dug through your duffle bag, looking for something else to wear. you quickly changed into black baggy jeans, and a white tee. you grabbed finns sweater and put it on as your teeth began to chatter.

you were annoyed at yourself for forgetting a sweater, something you wore almost everyday. bored of waiting for the time to pass, you decided to take a walk around the hotel again.

as you're walking down the stairs, you hear a few children laughing. you jolt to look behind you, seeing nothing there. maybe it was just your mind playing tricks on you.

continuing your stroll, you see the bar closed, a few benches scattered around second floor. about to go sit, you see colby walking in your direction. "hey princess. didn't expect to see you here." he has that smug smile still on his face.

you, not wanting to deal with his arrogance turn away from him, and go sit on the bench. he follows, sitting next to you. "what? am i disturbing your 'me time'."

"yes, actually you are." you snap at him. you hated when people purposely tried to push your buttons. "i'm not in the mood for whatever you're trying to do." you sigh.

"i'm not trying to do anything, i'm just talking." he shrugs, noticing your sweater. he remembers seeing finn wear that earlier at the bar. "are you sure you're not dating your friend." he pinchs at the hoodie.

you pull your arm back away from him. "i didn't bring a sweater and i'm freezing. i already told you we were just friends."

"so you're single?"

you pause, thinking. maybe if you said you were taken, he would leave you alone. "i didn't say that."

colby raised his eyebrow. "so you're telling me your in a relationship but kissing my best friend?"

closing your eyes, you scoff. "can you just leave me alone. i don't understand why you hate me, and like i said, i don't want to deal with your bullshit."

he stops, genuinely feeling a bit bad. "i don't hate you." he says lowly, looking around the lobby.

you turn to him. "sure." you scoff. "first you make an asshole comment towards me, basically bringing down everything i've worked for, making it seem like nothing, then you and sam let your fans attack me, now when i actually meet you, hoping to squash whatever this is, you're being an asshole to me." standing up to walk away, he pulls you back.

"i don't hate you." he reassures, holding a tight grasp onto your arm. he looks into your eyes, with such a sincere emotion on his face.

you shake your head. "then why are you such a dick?"

"because i'm an idiot. okay y/n? i'm a fucking idiot. your channel, you, are so inspiring, and i'm intimidated by you. the fact our subscribers are so close, and your fans are loyal to you, it intimidates me.

he grates his teeth together. "because i know that you're going to beat us, and that our fans are going to like you better. because you're such a genuinely cool person."

"i made a dumb joke, and didn't want to admit i was wrong..." he trails off. "so.." "so i'm sorry." he finally apologizes. your eyes are almost watering from how deep that apology was.

"and.. i think i like you." he adds, his hand moving from your arm, lower to your wrist.

your mind was running a thousand miles a second. not even a few minutes ago this guy was teasing you, and you hated him for it. now he was confessing that he was in the wrong, and likes you.

what were you going to do? there was sam, a kind, cute and gentle guy, taking his time to get to know you, and then there was colby. an edgy, incredibly attractive, deep but bold guy.

you were leaning towards sam, he has been kind to you since the beginning.

but quickly, you weren't left with a choice in the matter. colby put his hand on your back, and pulled you into him, his lips touching yours.

you were about to pull away, but something about the scenario made you stay. kissing him back, you couldn't help but be attracted to him. he was bold, and dominant. it was obvious from the way he was kissing you, completely overpowering your mouth.

eventually you get ahold of yourself, and push him back, hands staying on his chest. "colby.."

"shit i'm sorry y/n." he pulls away, turning his back to you. "fuck." he mutters. "i'm sorry, i don't know what came over me." suddenly the tension in the air pauses, as his phone rings. he reads the contact.

"sam." he mumbles, before answering.

you sit there, listening, feeling guilty. you had no commitment towards the other boy, but god did you feel bad, like you had cheated on a partner.

"hey colby, where are you?" his voice comes through the phone.

"i'm just in the lobby."

"why are you in the lobby?" he asks, confused.

"i was just taking a walk since i woke up early. i've been reading a magazine down here." he looks to you as he lies to sam.

"oh, okay. well it's about to be three, so i'm gonna message y/n and invite them over to do the seance." you panic, looking to colby before running upstairs, to hurry and get to your room. he frowned, watching you leave.

you got to your room, opening and closing the door quickly. finn sat awake on the bed. "where have you been?" he saw the panic in your eyes. "y/n are you okay?" he gets over to you and looks at your face.

"colby kissed me.. and i kissed him back." your breath got shallow, and it felt hard to breathe. your chest was going up and down frantically.

finn knew you had anxiety, and he had dealt with attacks like this before. he ushered you onto the bed, and held your hand. "hey y/n it's okay." he rubbed your back gently.

as you breathing got back to normal you gave finn a large hug. "what do i do."

"what you want." he answers. "you owe nothing to either of them so, plus why are you trying to make up your mind right now? you just met them, silly." he continues to rub your back.

"okay." you breath, before a knock at the door makes you jolt. you check your phone seeing two messages from sam.

sam from the bar: hey, we're going to set up the seance soon sam from the bar: i'm gonna come to your room if that's okay

finn decided to answer the door for you, only having it slightly open. he saw sam standing there awkwardly. "hey man." he greeted him. "we're just getting ready."

sam nods. "alright, i'll wait here for you guys."

finn shut the door, asking if you were okay, you nodded. he noticed his sweater was on you, before rolling his eyes. he got dressed, and called vera.

she said she would meet at sam's room in the next 15 minutes.

you said hi to sam as you opened the door, and he started to talk to you about what was going to happen during the seance. finn was right behind you, listening to his explanation.

you saw vera and milo standing outside their door, vera in her pajamas, while milo was wearing a tank top and cargo shorts.

they waved at you and finn, vera giving you a hug. "i'm so ready for this." she says, excitedly.

"i know right." finn adds, earning a smile from her. milo just shrugs, still tired.

you walk into their room, immediately seeing colby sitting on the bed looking at his phone. right as he sees you he puts it away and looks at you to see what you're thinking.

you take a deep breath and start chatting to corey and jake about how they were feeling towards the seance. you glanced towards colby, seeing him whisper to sam before he pulled him out of the room.

you tried to stay calm about it, hoping the situation was unrelated to you.

colby stood a few feet away from sam, taking a deep breath. "what's up?" he asked, seeing the other looking nervous.

"i have something to tell you.."

as they were chatting, you continued to talk about the seance, and you asked corey about the safety precautions they were taking. which were none other than being saged.

"i swear to god if a spirit follows me because you guys are being stupid." you shake your head at them.

everyone assembles on the floor, sitting in a circle. finn sits on one side of vera, while milo sits on the other. you grimace at finn, him shrugging, accepting it.

sam and colby re-enter the hotel room, both looking smug. you let out a sigh of relief, assuming since they were both in a good mood, that they didn't talk about what had happened.

sam takes a seat on your left, while colby, your right. you look to him, seeing a smirk across his lips. you couldn't help but stare, thinking he looked so attractive right then, a bead of sweat falling down his forehead.

sam had his normal gentle smile on his face. "alright, are you guys ready?" he asked, looking to everyone around the circle, before leaning to spill the salt in a circle between the group.

you did honor of lighting a few candles, flicking the lighter. corey began to get really freaked out hearing little noises, feeling things, and noticing the candies moving.

"i have a really bad feeling." he was being really defensive, about doing the seance, refusing because he was thinking about what the physic said.

because of that, he decided to sit out, leaning on the window seat. you all began to hold hands.

sam reached his hand out to you, you taking it. it was soft but he was definitely nervous, the light layer of sweat giving him away. you then gave your other hand to colby, he took it quickly.

his hand was freezing, and more calloused.

you flinched at a sudden noise coming from the closet. corey stood up in awe, shouting. "what was that." "in the closet!" he stood up pointing. "dude! can we stop?"

"i think whenever we hear things it means we should keep going." jake comments, shuffling closer.

"exactly, what's the point of the video if we stop the most important part?" you say, looking into your camera placed next to you.

"yeah we're literally saying lets do this, then-." sam is quickly cut off by corey.

"i hate this crap." he goes to sit on the bed, and watches. sams hand rejoins yours, and everyone closes their eyes for a few seconds, preparing themselves.

sam says a few things, talking to the spirits, telling them they can't harm any of us, while noises in the room pick up. weird knocks from the closet and bangs on the roof.

he encouraged corey to open the door, before he sat back down again.

colby sighed, trying to get him to join the seance, his hand up to gesture with.

he placed it back down, but on your upper thigh, before giving it a squeeze. you lightly gasped at that, everyone too busy to notice. you shot him a glare, only making grip harder.

shaking your head, you noticed corey sitting next to him now. you took the hint to grab the boys hands again.

sam kept speaking, leading the seance, asking about their experiences so far in the night, and acknowledging their room was haunted by a cowboy.

colby spoke up. "you moved the lolipops, we heard you earlier while we were relaxing, it's not time to play games anymore, use our energy, show us you're here."

a candle's light blinked, spooking the boys, followed by more noises coming from the closet. you shivered, sensing something around you.

corey got scared, standing up, followed by colby. "i'm out." he said, hands up.

you gave him a look. "literally why." you rolled your eyes, earning an annoyed face from him.

jake agreed with you, wondering why they would quit after hearing what they wanted.

sam sat his hand on your lower thigh before moving it to your back, reassuring you in this situation. he knew you weren't scared, you were fearless, but he felt he should comfort you regardless.

eventually everyone sat back down again, vera this time quitting, going on her phone in the corner. finn following short after, taking this as a chance to talk to her one on one since they got here.

you close your eyes as noises began to happen again, and right as it's getting good, you get pulled back by sam, grabbing your arm. everyone but jake is rushing to the corners of the room, away from the closet.

corey rushed out of the room, leaving everyone behind. you ripped away from sams grasp, not wanting to follow. he sighed, before telling you he'd be back.

you walked to finn and vera, milo behind you. "this is crazy." he comments, looking out the window to see the guys filming.

"i understand being scared but genuinely what's the point of committing to a seance then disrespecting the spirits willing to talk?" you say, sighing, leaning on vera.

"i'm tired." you yawn, realizing the lack of sleep you've been getting. "to be honest i might go back to our main room."

vera, for once during the trip agrees with you, asking if she can come along. you notice how she avoids milo, even as he's asking her to come to the other room.

finn notices as well. he waits back a few minutes as both of you leave, wanting to talk to his brother.

you glance at vera. she looked upset. "you okay vee?" when she looks up at you, it's obvious she had been crying. "oh my god, are you okay." you grab her face gently.

"no." she begins to sob, pulling you in for a hug. "i'm so stupid y/n.. so stupid to think he would want me for something other than sex."

you comfort her on your way to the room, asking her what happened. "he's been talking to a girl he met in the lobby all day." she pouts. "he told me that he might go have sex with her.. not even 10 minutes ago." you hug her tightly.

"vera, it's okay. he's just a douchebag to not realize what was right infront of him."

"nobody is gonna love me the way i want to be loved." she pours out. you think for a minute, finn..

"vera.. i believe in soulmates okay? and i know you have one for a fact. don't get too upset over milo. we tried to warn you about his behavior, i'm sorry."

"it's okay. i was too blinded by his handsome face." she sighs, wiping her eyes. you feel a vibration in your pocket, pulling out your phone.

you see both a message from colby, and sam. you put it away, focusing on vera. "you'll get over him girl, look at you! you're so gorgeous, and funny, there's someone that will treat you like a princess."

you hear a knock at the door. "hey, it's uh finn." you look to vera, and she nods.

opening the door, you see finn with a already turning black eye. his left eye looked like something out of an action movie. "holy shit!" you shout, before covering your mouth, aware of the noise complaint you've already gotten.

"holy fuck." you whisper. "what happened?"

he shakes his head. "did something i should've done awhile ago. i punched milo." he says proudly, vera poking her head up. she rushes to him, wiping the slight blood away from his face. "andd.. he punched me back."

"jesus." vera exhales. "now why'd you have to go and do that?" finn looks to you, and gestures to your phone. you check the notifications from sam and colby, asking where you had gone.

"ohh." you said, getting the hint to leave. you smirk at him, pulling out a finger gun or two before leaving.

right as you step into the hall, there are the boys. sam notices you immediately, asking what happened. "just a little tussle between brothers over a girl, nothing much." you say. "how's corey? still being a puss?" colby snickers.

"yeah, but we atleast got him back into the room, so he's chilling out now."

you three stand in awkward silence, taking notice of how they look at you. you clear your throat before speaking. "i'm really tired." a yawn slips its way out of your mouth.

"us too. corey's already sleeping, snoring like a madman." sam says, making you giggle.

"it's so loud." colby rolls his eyes.

"i get that, finn snores sometimes. i can usually hear it from the other room in our apartment, boy does it piss me off." you relate to them, before they walk you to your room.

you open the door, looking in to see if milo was around. your eyes widen, seeing his luggage gone. "milo must've called a cab." you say, turning to them.

they both look at you with smug looks, like they had been for most of the night. "if you guys want, you can sleep in here to avoid the snoring." you offer. "but i'm going to fucking bed."

you walk into the bathroom, changing into some pajamas. by pajamas, you mean almost no clothing at all because you get too dang hot.

as you're freshening up you hear a few whispers. "we don't even know if she'd be into that." sam said lowly.

you yawn loudly, coming out of the bathroom.

the way their eyes watched your body.. it drove you crazy. you quickly took notice of their lack of clothes, while in your bed. very bold of them to think you'd let them sleep with you. it was a queen bed but is that really enough for three strangers.

"you guys are surely making yourselves comfortable." you point out, seeing the only space for you was in the middle of them.

sam rubs the back of his neck, apologizing anxiously. "sorry, we can sleep on the couch or something." colby rolls his eyes at his friends behaviour.

"it's okay, as long as you too don't make me sweaty i'll be fine." they look to eachother at that.

jumping into the bed, you get under the covers between them. because you were nervous about the situation, you laid stomach down, face into your pillow.

you would never get tired of this amazing bed, god was it comfortable. and having two attractive, shirtless guys on either side of you made it even better.

you felt the bed dip as they came closer, colby touching you first, his finger trailing along your side. "i like this outfit." he mumbles close to your ear, making you melt.

the feeling of his hand caressing you was something out of a movie or book. it started from your arm, down to your waistline, his finger rubbing light circles between your waist and shorts.

"it's pretty." sam comments. you giggled, clearly seeing how different both of them are. to you, it seemed like colby was teasing you and trying to turn you on, while sam was making you feel like the most important girl in the world. and woah the combination of it made you flustered.

"thanks." you say into the pillow, making colby chuckle. his hand slowly going to your ass, you breathed shakily as it happened, but let him.

and in seconds, he was taking a handful and squishing it, massaging it, whatever you want to call it. he was obsessed with your ass. you propped yourself up slightly, turning onto your back just to frustrate him.

you watched his eyes flicker as he couldn't touch that part of you anymore. your lips were slightly stuck out, pouty almost at the heat you were feeling. "fuck y/n, you're so hot." he blurted out, not regretting it.

you looked to sam, trying to tell his reaction with how dark it was. you couldn't decipher what was happening, and if both of them were coming onto you. it seemed like they both talked about it before hand, and now just needed your permission.

you locked eyes with colby, his hand coming to your neck, and lighting hovering over it.

gulping, you lean back a bit, hesitant. he notices, and goes back to touching your side. "he's right. y/n you're the most gorgeous girl on this planet."

colby didn't like sharing your attention, pulling your face to look at him gently. his eyes flickered to your lips, and you nodded.

his hand slid behind your head, holding you in place as his tongue explored your lips. you kissed back, feeling how passionate he was. his body moving in a rhythm. as he pulled away slowly, he looked at you hungrily.

sam took this as an opportunity. "can i kiss your neck, y/n?" he asked, you nodding frantically. the way you felt right now, it was almost unbearable.

he started kissing your neck area, sucking and biting at your skin. you hoped he didn't leave any marks.. but secretly you craved it, thinking about the way you would show off their lovebites.

you felt colby's mouth on you now too, licking down your stomach till your shorts. he lightly tugged at them, making you move to where he could pull them straight off.

he lightly trailed his hand around your thigh, getting closer and closer to where you wanted him. he moved, getting inbetween your legs, and licking up your thigh.

you let out a raspy moan at the combination of sam's mouth on your neck, and colby's tongue getting closer. once he heard you moan, he came back up to kiss you again.

"you sound pretty needy, princess." he comments, both of them taking back their touches, making you open your eyes.

you look to both of them, colby clearly confident in his teasing. "fuck i want to kill you." you groan, shaking your head as he chuckles.

#colby brock #colbybrock #sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock x reader #sam golbach x reader #colby brock smut #sam golbach smut #jake webber #corey scherer #oc #my ocs #anticipatecrime

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nogenderbee · 3 months

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♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔸𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕤 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: May I request Dan Heng, Gepard, Welt, and Jing Yuan finding their lover crying in their sleep because they miss them?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Of course! I wrote Dan Heng's part during class so... the sleeping part is kinda missed but it shouldn't make that big of a difference, so hopefully you'll still like it!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

Dan Heng for once agreed to go on exploration with Express Crew. Well... more like he was dragged there... you on the other hand couldn't go because of few duties you had to do on Express, so you were left alone with PomPom.

He was supposed to be away for just few weeks, but from your math... he was away for 3,5 months now... you received texts from Himeko that his phone broke and that they're gonna stay for a bit longer... she even checked up on you! But not wanting to cause trouble, you just said everything was alright, even if it was the opposite.

You were sitting on floor with your head on bed, arms covering it's back, as your sobs filled th room. You just broke after so much time away... you didn't know wher exactly he was, what he was doing, what he was thinking... did he even miss you?

When you heard door opening, you figured it was PomPom. He just entered with chocolate when he heard you sob and you honestly appreciated it.

"PomPom, please not now..."

"Not PomPom."

You have raised your head up after hearing familiar voice. You could see slight spark of worry in his cold expression, and he saw your puffy eyes which was enough to make him regret.

He kneeled down next to you, wrapping his left arm around your back, as right one caressed your cheek.

"I'm sorry for being away for so long... trust me, I came back as soon as I could. Others are still on that planned but I couldn't handle being there anymore..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @toyaswif3y - come get your quiet but scary trabilazer!

Welt was on the Express and you were on a planet he passed by once. He offered you many times to join him but you always refused, you had friends and family here after all!

But being away from your lover also put small crack in your sanity... it was hard being in long distance relationship... sure, you texted each other daily but you started missing his touch... so one night, when you were cuddled into your bed sheets and in deep sleep, you didn't even realized the thoughts you had were so sad that sleeping you just couldn't help but sob.

Welt on the other hand, finally visited your planet and having keys to your house, he decided to check up on you.

"Hello? Sorry for inviting myself in like that but you didn't answer and I got-"

He stopped when he saw tou form laying under sheets. Small smile appeared on his face, just to get washed away in the next second when he heard you sob in sleep.

He sat next to you and gently shook you, worried you might be having some kind of nightmare. Thought of you simply missing him this much didn't really crossed his mind.

"Darling? Are you alright? Did you had a nightmare?"

Hearing, feeling and now seeing your boyfriend, you immidietly threw yourself into his arms and bursted with emotions. His hand immidietly went to caress your hair and back in a comforting way.

"Shhh... It's alright now... I'm not leaving any time soon. We can finally enjoy our company."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌��﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your father of the express!

Gepard's job includes lots of missions, which means you're often away from each other. You didn't even mind patrols that much since he'd at least come back at evening. But when he had a mission? He was away for days... and the worst was, you never knew how dangerous it is nor if he'll actually come back...

You managed to find one if your boyfriend's hoodies in your shared room. So now, you were embraced by his hoodie as you layed under sheets, sacrificing one pillow to hug it instead of laying on it.

Meanwhile Gepard, finally came back home, trying to be as quiet as possible since it's middle of the night and the last thing he wanted to do was to wake you up.

So when he entered your bedroom and saw you sobbing in your sleep, his heart broke... did he left you here waiting for this long? Well he certainly won't leave it be just like that!

Still not wanting to wake you up, he layed next to you, immidietly wrapping one arm around you and caressing your back. He felt so bad for leaving you alone... he kissed your forehead and promised himself to never make the same mistake. He'll do his best to send you letters, without accepting single no from higher ups as answer. He's a soldier, he shouldn't give up without proper fight, especially for his lover.

"I'm so sorry, my love..."

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Jing Yuan was very busy recently... he left with single kiss on forehead or goodbye... he never ghosted or ignored you. He always gave you logical answer why your affection must be moved to some other time. But him being busy lasted for few days now... and despite him assuring you it's not gonna last forever and that he still loves you, you couldn't help but overthink this situation.

The only thing you could to after days of separation was flop on the couch and hope for a nice dream. You didn't even wanted to sleep in your bed because you knew it'd trigger the sadness even more.

But the nice dream that you hoped for didn't seemed to take place, because when your boyfriend finally decided to spend the night at your shared place instead of his office... he noticed you gently sobbing in your sleep...

He kneeled down next to you and caressed your hair, he didn't wanted to wake you up since you're getting your rest but also didn't want you to continue crying, so he just whispered small reassuring words and compliments to your ear as he embraced you with one hand.

"Dearest... I'm not leaving you anymore. We're going to a very nice date tomorrow, I promise... I'll spoil you with affection to your hearts content."

When you finally stopped sobbing, with one final kiss on forehead, he scooped you into his arms and carried you back into your bedroom, already planning how he should repay for all he did.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane - come get your soft general~

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stainedglassthreads · 7 months

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I feel like the four leads of Deltarune--Kris, Susie, Ralsei, and Noelle-are just. Somehow two different levels of queer-coded.

(Edit: Just to be clear: not saying any of this to disparage or insult shippers of Kralsei, Suselle, or Kriselle, I've just seen a lot of cool analysis about tropes, romance, and lack of choice in Deltarune and wanted to chime in with some of my own thoughts. If you ship any of those ships in Deltarune--fantastic! May you find a lot of content precisely to your taste.)

Like. On the one hand, if you're looking at tropes, they are very neatly set up into two romantic partnerships. Noelle is very blatantly interested in Susie, and Ralsei's feelings for Kris are often portrayed similarly. On a surface level, both pairings appear very clear. Noelle is a girl in love with another girl, while Ralsei is a very effeminate boy in love with a teen who doesn't appear to use pronouns. And a big deal isn't made of either pairing, there's nothing really in the way of Suselle or Kralsei on a societal level we've encountered so far. At least in terms of gender and sexuality. But if you look a little closer, it's kind of...'these are a very straight idea of queer ships', y'know?

Noelle and Susie are both girls, but one is very effeminately coded, anxious, uses magic, and is more traditionally cute, while they other is crass, crude, intimidating, and physically strong. Ralsei and Kris are gender-noncomforming, but Ralsei is a sweet pacifistic healer who bakes cakes while Kris uses a sword, and keeps being mistaken for a boy by much of Youtube and Reddit. The active one and the passive one, the fighter and the mage, the one with cute hobbies and the one who eats moss, the one in pants and the one in a dress.

And here, I start thinking of some posts I've seen analyzing how, in Deltarune, romance is used to explore how Kris doesn't really get choices. Kris has been cast as the leader and knight, and Ralsei has been cast as the healer and Princess, even if he is a boy. The leader often ends up with the healer. The knight often gets the princess as a happy ending. But Kris doesn't seem to like this! Their reactions to Ralsei are constantly lukewarm at best, and that's not getting into how Ralsei seems to be in love with his idea of Kris, while being very. Asriel-coded, who the game describes often as Kris' brother, in sharp contrast to how ambiguous Chara and Frisk's relationships with the Dreemurrs were.

If we and Kris reject Ralsei as a love interest, we can a different romantic partner in Noelle...but this choice has a bodycount, traumatizes Noelle, doesn't seem to leave Kris any happier, and it's still a kind of straight-coded ship. Now it's the knight being paired up with the apocalypse maiden, for the doomed codepedent toxic tragedy lovers out there. But it kinda makes sense too, right? If Kralsei is the expected RPG romance, then Kriselle would be the expected romance if there were no Dark World and Ralsei weren't an option. They're childhood friends and neighbors in a small town, their families used to be very close, Rudy is still very fond of Kris. They're even extremely angel/devil coded.

But the most interesting part is. It's implied that there IS someone that Kris is very interested in, either platonically or romantically. It's Susie. Kris never seems frightened by Susie when they're bullied by her, and rejects Noelle's offers to switch seats. They seek comfort from Susie rather than Ralsei after the Spamton fight, they call her their friend when Toriel calls, they share moss with her, they refuse to think about her during Snowgrave when Ralsei prompts them, they make it clear that out of all the people they COULD go to the Carnival with, Susie is the one they'd ACTUALLY want to choose.

And this is the part that drives me crazy. Because while Kris is so tightly controlled by genre and narrative, and those things would usually push them towards Ralsei or Noelle, and Ralsei keeps encouraging Kris to stick to the narrative. Susie is the one who refuses to be bound to the narrative. Susie is the character of Deltarune who is most unapologetically herself--and isn't that a very queer thing, refusing to be anyone but yourself despite everything? She says no thanks to the prophecy, until she comes around to it on her own terms! She makes herself and Ralsei learn to take their own actions, and drags Ralsei off to have fun with him instead of letting Kris choose who to with! She doesn't stay in her box of the damage-dealing fighter, she insists on learning Healing magic, even if she's not particularly skilled at it at first! Even Ralsei is forced to admit that it's wonderful that Susie is Susie, and not anyone else!

I think Kris likes Susie a lot. And part of it may be admiration. That while Kris is controlled by the player and the narrative and the prophecy and humanity and divorce and a dozen things outside their control, Susie refuses to ever be bound by anything. And Kris and Susie together happen to be the two more masculinely-coded party members, the two melee fighters, the two troublemakers. It honestly makes me wonder a little if Susie and Kris might be able to make their own ending beyond the bounds of gender expectations and romance expectations together? It would be cool. And I think it would make Kris very happy to break free like that.

#deltarune #deltarune meta #deltarune analysis #deltarune theory #kris dreemurr #susie #noelle holiday #ralsei #kralsei #kriselle #krusie

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fairydustblossom · 1 year

Text

losing control {part 1}

azriel x reader

summary: you and azriel have been best friends for decades. giving romance a chance takes some time to figure out.

category: angst, slow-burn, friends-to-lovers (kinda)

word count: 2.9k

warnings: none rly! some jealousy and sparring while training maybe

notes: hello! i’ve been lurking on tumblr for many years reading fanfics but this is my first time writing one! first time writing anything, really ◡̈ i’ve been part of the acotar fandom for only a year but it has absolutely consumed me and my obsession has not died down one bit. i constantly have a stream of fics i want to read and scenarios playing in my head so i figured i would give this a shot. go easy on me 😅 anyways, hope you enjoy!

{part 2} | {part 3} | {part 4} | {part 5}

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The sun was beating down on you, sweat was dripping down your body, your muscles were sore but you wanted to keep going. You had decided to join the Valkyries training today since you had missed your training with Cassian the day before. Waking up alone once again after a visit from Azriel had left you feeling unmotivated to train with the Illyrian general. The pleasant soreness throughout your body after a night with Azriel also added to the reasons why you had skipped training.

No one knew about your relationship with the Shadowsinger yet. You had been best friends for decades and after years of flirting, loving gazes, and tip-toeing around romantic feelings you had finally crossed the line and become lovers. It was a recent development and you were both taking the time to explore your blossoming relationship. For the past 7 months, you had been keeping your romance from your friends in order to avoid any external pressures, particularly your friends' unsolicited advice, opinions, and teasing that you would receive. To your knowledge, your friends were unaware of what was going on between you and Azriel… But you were starting to get tired of the secrecy.

You wanted Azriel to claim you. You wanted him to proudly show you off. You wanted every single female in Illyrian to know you were his and he was yours.

But were you? Didn’t he want the same?

Doubts had slowly started seeping into your thoughts.

What were you and azriel? You knew you were lovers, but describing what you had with Azriel as a friends with benefits situationship was not far from the truth. You knew it wasn’t just lust between you, there had been an emotional connection formed long ago and now a romantic connection, but what all did it mean if you couldn’t openly love one another like the rest of your friends did?

Did he love you? You thought he did. You certainly loved him. For years you had kept your love for Azriel to yourself, and you were finally together in a way, but those three words hadn’t been uttered by either one of you. You were starting to wonder if he even wanted more, if he would ever want more.

Your relationship was never really a topic of conversation. He never seemed to bring it up and you were too happy when you were with him to start a conversation that could potentially ruin what had slowly been unfolding. Your reluctance to talk to him about how you were feeling was also bothering you. Azriel was your best friend. He is your best friend. Telling him your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations had never been a problem. He had always been there for you, never judged you. But this… this was different.

Questions of your relationship with Azriel, had been plaguing your mind the past two days and showing up to the Valkyries training had made it worse. You were annoyed. With yourself, with him, with everything, but especially right now, with Gwyn.

You knew Azriel was pined after by many females. It’s something you learned to accept throughout the years. He was an attractive male. The most attractive male in all of Prythian, in your opinion. It was hard to miss the looks females sent his way, but it had been some time since you were around a female openly flirting with him in your presence.

He was teaching some of the priestesses that had signed up to train as Valkyries defensive stances. At the moment he was correcting Gwyn’s stance, adjusting her arms from behind to correct their position. He was going down the line and doing it to everyone but Gwyn had been openly flirting with him all morning.

You liked Gwyn. You considered her a friend. The friendship was nowhere near as close as hers and Nestas but you were always happy to see her at the library and you were excited when you found out she had signed up to train. Now, you were starting to regret the excitement you felt. You had suspected once or twice that Gwyn had feelings for Azriel, but you had never seen her acknowledge them so openly. First, you tried ignoring the shameless flirting, but the more comments she made, the more it bothered you

You were sparring with Cassian on the opposite end of the training pit when you heard her say,

“Azriel, I know you like to be alone… And I usually do too… but I don’t mind sharing the ring with you, if you ever need a training partner…”

And your step faltered. Cassian used this opportunity to advance on you and aimed at your torso with his fist. You swerved to the right at the last second, missing Azriels response in the flurry of movements.

“Maybe I can spend more time here and you can spend more time at the library.”

You heard Nesta chuckle at Gwyns blatant flirting and you sneaked a glance over. Azriels face was flushed and Gwyn had a smirk on hers.

Cassian swung once again and this time he actually made contact. Not enough to knock you over but enough to make you stumble a few steps back.

“Concentrate. Next time I won’t go so easy on you.”

You were getting angry. Your face felt hot, you could feel your heartbeat in your throat, and you felt sick at the thought of Gwyn and Azriel spending more time together.

Get a grip you thought to yourself trying to boost up your confidence. You had never let others affect you so much. And you weren’t going to let Cassian win after missing training yesterday. No way would you let him hold that over you, he had already given you enough shit for skipping.

You took a deep breath to try and collect yourself when you heard the next comment, her tone a lot more sultry this time .

“I’m sure I can learn a lot from you Shadowsinger”

At this, you reacted to Cassian's next advance by blocking his attack and countering with one of your own. A bit of your power leaking through the punch and making Cassian fall on his back and slide to the opposite end of the fighting circle.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the pair of you. Magic was not allowed in the training pit unless agreed on. Today was a no-magic-allowed day and you knew you had fucked up.

Nesta growled a bit and made to move over to Cassian.

“Shit I’m sorry Cass I- I don’t know what happened. I lost control.” you said, running over to him and extending your hand.

He accepted and rose with a chuckle. “Ouch Y/N. Didn’t realize we were trying to kill each other.”

You were glad he wasn’t seriously hurt and was laughing it off but you felt guilt clawing at your throat. Being distracted had resulted in you endangering one of your best friends. Cassian was strong and powerful but he clearly had his guard down, not expecting your surge of power.

You could feel Azriel’s gaze on you from the corner of your eye and your cheeks started to flush. Gods, you hated that he saw that and you hoped no one pieced together why it happened.

“I’m sorry” you mumbled again loud enough for only Cassian to hear.

“S’okay don’t worry about it. Now I know not to taunt you” grinning, he turned over to Nesta who was approaching him with a mix of concern and annoyance, at you you were sure, on her face.

“Please don’t kill my mate Y/N” she grumbled while fussing over his wings. You mumbled another apology, making a mental note to spend some time with Nesta later to gain back some friendship points, maybe buy her a new novel.

Resigning yourself to your embarrassment with a heavy sigh, you started getting ready to leave the training ring. You didn’t want to be there anymore, but you also felt like you had too much on your mind to head back to the house of wind.

“I’m gonna go on a run, I’ll see y’all tomorrow” you said to no one in particular as you turned away and walked off.

Nesta and Cassian turned to look at your walking figure with a frown on their faces wondering what was going on with you.

As you walked away, you could feel Azriel’s gaze and his subtle attempt at making eye contact but you kept looking forward, not ready to face him yet.

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After your run, you went back to the training area to change out of your attire and take a quick shower. You just weren’t ready to go back to the house yet and face Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel, or anyone else really.

You sighed as you removed your shirt to cool off your body, leaving you in a bra.

What would you say to Azriel when he asked about today? Maybe he wouldn’t… Although you knew that wasn’t likely.

It’s not that you thought he would be rude, or press you on something that you didn’t want to talk about. You were just embarrassed and disappointed in yourself. You didn’t want to tell him you got jealous and lost your cool, Cassian being at the receiving end of it, and you didn't want to lie about what had bothered you. Azriel would know if you were lying, he was a master at interrogating after all.

You sighed again and placed your hand on the wall, leaning your forehead against it and closing your eyes. The anger had left your body and you were left feeling tired and a little sorry for yourself.

You were focusing on regulating your breathing and your heart rate when you felt the cool wisps of a shadow wrapping around your ankle, followed by two big hands on your hips. Azriel’s solid frame pressed up behind you, leaning down slightly to wrap his arms around you, a soft kiss placed in the crook of your neck. Your arms automatically followed his and immediately all the tension in your body dissipated. You leaned your head back on his chest, turning it slightly to give him more room.

“Hey” he spoke softly, his deep voice vibrating through your back.

You could just melt right into him at that moment. Just two nights ago you had heard this exact same tone of voice, reserved only for you, yet you felt like you had gone so long without hearing it. You kept your eyes closed, breathing in his scent and you felt your chest contract a bit at the reaffirmation that you were down bad for this male and you weren’t sure what to do.

You hummed back a response, not trusting your voice enough to properly greet him back. He also hummed and kissed your neck again, this time placing the kiss right underneath your ear. His warm breath sent shivers down your spine and you let him hold you. Both of you basking in the silence, taking a second to appreciate each other's presence, embracing one another.

He ran the tip of his nose along the underside of your jaw and pulled you closer to him, shadows wrapping you both up to the waist.

“I’ve missed you hanging around the past two days, where have you been?” He muttered.

You opened your eyes, glancing down at your intertwined arms. You knew he would ask. You hadn’t necessarily been avoiding him, it wasn’t unusual for a few days to go by before you saw each other, since you both had busy schedules working for Rhys. But over the past few weeks you had been spending more and more time together, making time for one another almost every day.

Yesterday, however, you had woken up alone once again and a heaviness had settled over you. You could probably count the nights you had woken up next to Azriel with one hand. He always left at some point in the night after falling asleep wrapped up in each other's arms to avoid any risk of your friends walking in. They were known to barge in unannounced.

You had spent the day before trying to distract yourself from overthinking everything about your relationship with Azriel and worked till late in the night in a private area in the library. And today, well, you guessed today you did avoid him a little. Not really acknowledging his presence much during training and jumping straight into your drills with Cassian.

You felt him tense up a little at your silence and you released a sigh. He leaned back a little, a hand coming up to gently turn your face to the side so he could look at you. You were met with a slight frown, his eyes narrowing slightly, a glint of worry in them.

“You okay?” He tried again. The sight of him looking at you like that filled you with guilt and you turned around to face him fully, your hands locking behind his neck, playing with the hairs that were resting above his collar.

“Yes, I’m okay” you nodded, forcing yourself to make eye contact with him. His eyes narrowed a little more and he took a slight step back. He was still holding you, but his hand came to rest at your sides instead of being wrapped around you and his shadows were slowly traveling up his torso, covering him bit by bit. A sign that he was cautious and unsure of where this conversation was headed.

“Am I supposed to believe that? You didn’t even try to lie” was his response.

You bit your bottom lip and straightened yourself up, letting go of his neck and crossing your arms around your chest. His gaze drifted down slightly at your exposed cleavage and then quickly looked up again.

Noticing his quick look down at you, you fought the flutters deep in your belly and answered his question. “I’m okay Az, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

His brows furrowed and he stayed silent waiting for you to elaborate. When he accepted that you weren’t going to add to your response he pressed again. “About…?”

You turned your head to the side and breathed in deeply. You just weren’t sure how to go about this conversation yet. What you and Azriel had was special to you and you didn’t want to ruin it by scaring him off. But you were beginning to think late nights, sneaking around, and pretending you weren’t together wasn’t enough. You wanted more.

At your lack of response Azriel took a step further back, letting go of you, your body immediately feeling colder. His shadows continued to climb up his body, you couldn't see anything below his chest anymore.

“About us?” he tried once more to get an answer out of you and you simply just nodded.

His jaw tensed and he nodded, a suffocating silence consuming the changing room.

You looked up at his face again and saw he had a distant look on his face. You knew you were probably making this worse by not saying anything, but it’s safe to say you and Azriel both preferred to bottle things up rather than lay out all your feelings in the open. Especially, while you were still working through them. It was part of the reason you became best friends. You both understood each other's need to take it slow when it came to expressing thoughts and feelings.

“Azriel” Rhys' voice came into Azriels mind.

“Not now” his spymaster grumbled back to him.

“Yes, now, we have a debrief in case you forgot, Cassian and I are waiting on you.”

He hadn’t forgotten. He had chosen to stay around the training area hoping to catch a moment with you after your run. He could feel something was wrong today when you wouldn’t even look at him, but he hadn't expected this. What did you mean that you had a lot on your mind about you two? Two nights ago you had been wrapped up in his arms, purring sweet words into his ears, naked bodies pressed together all night. Had he missed something? He didn’t think anything was wrong between you and him.

Azriel could feel himself starting to close himself off and his heart rate picking up. He wasn’t ready for you and him to fall apart yet. What you had was so beautiful, you were so beautiful, in every way. He wasn’t ready to lose you, not when he finally got you after years of convincing himself pursuing a romantic relationship with you, his best friend, wouldn’t work.

“It’s not bad. I just… I don’t know. Maybe we can talk later tonight? I’m so tired from training and my run…” You drifted off, unsure if he was fully listening.

You knew you were making up an excuse but you needed some more time to gather your thoughts. Once you were cleaned off and had some time to think of how you wanted to approach the conversation, you could properly talk to him.

He made eye contact with you again, the haze leaving them but his expression remained serious.

Azriel cleared his throat, “Okay. Rhys just asked for a meeting. I have to go.”

He held your gaze for a moment longer before looking away.

And with that his shadows consumed him and he winnowed away. Leaving you alone, feeling like you had pushed him away more than you intended to.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar #acomaf #acowar #fairydustblossom #azriel #azriel angst #azriel fic #acotar fanfiction #azriel fluff #losing control series

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little-sleepy-owl · 1 month

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𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫,

who is a virgin and wants him to be their first. gender neutral, not so much explicit, but still smutty, as usual. Alastor is his own warning. kinda.

this one took me a while for several reasons. mostly because life is a bitch, but also because it was a really hard piece to write. I'm asexual myself and this is heavily self-indulgent. I wanted to maintain this treat of his, but still explore the sexual aspect of the relationship and the way asexual people might participate in it. so... yeah. proceed with understanding of this.

oh? so, you're just like him.

the only one who is not surprised whatsoever. isn't it supposed to be that way?

though there are a lot of vulgar people around. he might even praise you for keeping your chastity for so long.

but… becoming your first?

“Truly, my dear? That's quite the favor to ask a gentleman!”

it's less about being repulsed by the idea of intimacy (it doesn't sound bad if it's with you) and more about not wanting to step into a completely uncharted territory.

that's a first for him too, after all.

give him time. he needs to research some things before he's ready to try.

a week or two later he suddenly appears out of the shadows in your room with loud static noises, scaring the shit out of you, and announces that he would be very pleased to take the offer!!

hooray..? (please come out from under the bed, darling.)

now, just like Husk, he is an old-fashioned man. for him, this could only happen after a nice date.

he prefers a simple stroll around the city arm in arm, and having some coffee with you.

you can sense that he's a tad nervous, but also deeply thrilled. his posture is a little stiff while walking, ears, usually unmoving, twitch slightly here and there. it's cute.

you also notice he's more physically intimate with you today than usual. sitting a bit closer to you and leaning in subtly, so you can feel his warmth. gently covering your hand with his own. reaching to fix your hair, touch feather-like and making your heart pound in your chest.

none of it is sexual in any way, but the difference in his demeanor doesn't let you forget your plans for the night even for a moment.

judging by the sly curve of his smile and very attentive gaze, this is one hundred percent intentional.

inclined to take you into his own room after the date. if you're not against the living forest in the background.

(I suggest you accept the offer. fireflies would be a very romantic addition to your night.)

he needs to talk things out first.

“Let's discuss some rules of our… little arrangement.”

the rules are quite simple, although you might find them odd.

he will not take all his clothes off. especially not the lower part. pants stay on no matter what.

his hands, his mouth? all for your pleasure, darling. no limitations here.

and maybe, if you behave yourself and ask nicely… his shadows, too, can participate.

he merrily refuses to elaborate on what “behaving” means for him exactly. it's simply more fun that way, isn't it?

jacket tossed inside, sleeves rolled up. honestly speaking, it already feels too revealing. you don't think you ever saw so much of his arms or his neck before.

he is in a white shirt today, clean and pure, like the snow on the mountaintop. pristine even.

you never saw this, either.

he follows your gaze and his smile turns a little unsettling. you shiver, suddenly feeling like you are the one who's exposed here, even though you haven't taken off anything yet.

“No blood to stain it today, my dear,” he coos, adjusting the shirt slightly. oh, so usually he wears red for–

you don't want to continue this thought right now.

he's very insistent on undressing you by himself.

he uncovers you like you're his birthday cake in a cute present box. slowly removing every ribbon, carefully taking off the wrapping, anticipating what's underneath.

his hands are cold, but his eyes are heated, even somewhat hungry. and so, so intent.

he drinks on your every shiver, on the way your lips parts ever so slightly to let out a small gasp, on the goosebumps that run on your skin, when he leans in to nibble on your pretty neck, right beside the quicked throbbing of your pulse.

he hums an old tune, seemingly lost in exploration of your body and the way you respond to his touch.

he's eager to learn and very observant. he changes the pace the moment he notices you feeling uncomfortable. he discovers what makes you respond well and uses the knowledge without any shame.

but he also does very much love you telling him what you want him to do with that cute trembling voice of yours.

that's what eventually earns you the shadows taking part in the whole fun. if this is something you desire.

if you weren't satisfied before, you most certainly are now.

expect him to restrain you. he likes to see you squirming under his touch, unable to set the pace. he does everything deliberately slow, so you would beg him to give you more and do it faster.

he's very controlling in general, and although he takes into account what you want, he will also act on his own whim.

it honestly seems that he likes teasing and tormenting you to see your reactions much more than the physical aspect of it all.

humor him, and he will reward you accordingly.

but don't let him get too lost in it. he has a tendency to forget that you're not merely a toy to play with.

set some boundaries and you'll be alright.

once you both decide it's enough, he's a thoughtful gentleman again, bringing a glass of water for you, and helping you clean yourself up.

will let you rest your head on his lap, gentle light of fireflies surrounding you.

he sings a shooting melody, letting you peacefully drift off to sleep.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #romantic/sexual

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pigidin · 2 months

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OKAY. Am I the only one fascinated by how much Alastor in s1 has interacted with other demons and built a potential for considerable amount of different, broad and unique relationships? With All of them being non-romantic/sexual?

I really don't wanna dive into the discourse of shipping coz honestly, I do think that erasing Al's aroaceness is not cool at all. Personally, I don't see him wishing any romance/sex at all, and well. Considering how platonic he actually is throughout the season, it kinda seems like people forget that friendship (or basically anything non rom-sex) exists in the first place.

Coz, like, let's see what we got::

Vox -- probably one-sided (psychosexual) crush from Vox with possible past friendship between them, them hating on each other yet having (used to have) some respect as well. The ANGST, the drama (for both of sides). Insert aroace troubles (possible aphobia from Vox? Or not? He may be biggest ally as well!) and Vox's petty feelings that are insanely interesting to explore (and laugh at).

Lucifer -- immediate hate that (with a course of events) can turn into forced bonding. The potential of queerplatonic parenting of Charlie is HUGE here. Insecurities from Al? Forced care? Banters? SHENANIGANS? Luci patching up Al after battle, prolly discovering his deal and them slowly bonding on shared interests? Hey.

Rosie -- literal established queerplatonic partners, married for tax benefits, spending their evenings gossiping, hating on Susan and Al rolling his eyes on another romance-rel drama Rosie was trying to help sb with. Rosie can have insane influence on him whether it is understanding modern things or just being with him when he needs it. It also gives off mom/son to me.

Husk -- fucked up master-pet not-friendship with probable care rooted since they were closer in past. Is it toxic? Yes. Is it giving off some problematic dynamic? Sure. Yet it's fucking complex on its core considering pilot, bits and pieces of their interaction and how easily Husk used to insult Al until he overstepped. Them two are quite similar if you think about it and if Al got over his ego it could benefit him a lot.

Niffty -- daugther/father dynamic with them sharing one sadistic-psycho braincell and genuinely enjoying each other's quirks. Protective Al? I just need more Niff and them two being partners in the most outrageous crimes.

Mimzy -- friendship going since they were humans, with them having an amazing (potential) backstory of sharing evenings on two. Al enjoying her company as well as being protective and helpful to her with nothing in return.

Charlie -- manipulated into trusting you as a dad figure? Don't tell me there is nothing below Al's creepy plans or that he wouldn't grow to care for her. He already is proud of her and finds amusement in her inspiration-skills (also, performance is his thing for a reason)

Angel -- I was honestly kinda upset we didn't see any interactions between them except one sex joke, coz my past era of Hunicasts was a fuel to their duo. Them bonding over how different they are is the best description of their dynamic. Also banters and body-puns.

You can't just erase Alastor from interacting with people, but putting him inside boxes of allonormative relationships while he has such a fucking huge potential for everything beyond just that - is quite.. disappointing. People turning a blind eye to a wide variety of relationships he can have (potential to which is set in canon) for the sake of just romance/sex is low key sad.

It's AWESOME to see ppl actually understanding it and.. damn THANKS to everyone who explores Al's relationship with others without it involving final wish to stick tongues into places. Dynamics can be interesting and exciting without it.

I really don't wanna project my romance-aversion onto Al, but when romance and sex is one thing you see everywhere.. it's hard to just let it slip.

You are allowed to do whatever you want, exploring physical intimacy is fun as well, and having Al, well, there are bunch of ways to show it with respecting his orientation and the fact that IT AFFECTS RELATIONSHIPS/ATTRACTIONS but please just don't make it the center of your attention, the one thing relationship revolves around, coz sadly it's just exactly how it looks like from some folks.

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space-writes · 1 year

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why i write in obsidian.md (and why you should try it!)

hey, hi, have I mentioned my notes app? let me tell you about my notes app! I’ve been writing in obsidian for over a year now, for fanfic and original fiction/worldbuilding (and dungeons and dragons, and life organisation, and a myriad of other things) and so far I’ve gotten at least three people to also start using it, and I am in fact on an endless quest to get more people to try it.

obsidian.md how do i love thee, let me list the ways:

It’s offline. you are not beholden to the whims of wifi!

Did i mention it’s free? it’s free!

you can pay to support the devs, or to access the sync service, but honestly I just use a free file sync service to move things between my desktop/laptop.

It’s super lightweight at its core. you can (and I do) run it with a bunch of plugins and customisation, but at it’s base it’s just text, in simple files. plaintext. readable by anything. your writing is not trapped in proprietary file formats.

HOWEVER you can in fact customise every aspect of it and if you like Making Your Notes Cute I cannot recommend it enough as a Way To Procrastinate Actually Writing

Crucially, you can link your notes. This is phenomenal for not only worldbuilding, but planning, research, outlining and connecting characters and events. You just make a note, type in square brackets, and boom. linked notes. You can make yourself a little writing wikipedia with approximately 0 effort.

I have separate vaults (Instances, pretty much. Big overarching folders with separate sets of content) for my Valloroth project, my day-to-day notes/fanfic, and my D&D game. They’re aesthetically very different, which is so so so great for getting in the right headspace for the work I’m doing.

OH and we have obsidian canvas now! which is a simple mind-mapping feature where you can make and connect note cards, which can also be notes in your vault. I haven’t had a chance to do timelines with it yet, but it’ll be fun for that. I have made relationship charts with it, and it was great for that. If you like visually laying out boxes of information and connecting them into a pepe silvia board of plot, canvas is incredible

this is a pointcrawl map I made for my D&D game. Those red words in the boxes? links to the locations in the city the players were exploring. phenomenal

do you like split screen? you can have multiple notes open at once in horizontal and vertical configurations, and you can also open multiple tabs in each split window. it’s SO great for research and outlining, when you need like ten documents open at once to move between

finally, there are so many addons to COMPLETELY CUSTOMISE your Writing Setup. styling for tags. kanban boards. LINKABLE MAPS. ways to label scenes with metadata and pull just so many different tables/lists of story information. AND SO MANY MORE. I’m gonna do a whole post of my favourite writing plugins at some point so i can yell about them

the only downsides are that it’s somewhat clunky still to export things out of obsidian—I copy my fics into googledocs for my beta, and I have a plugin to make exporting to html easier to post on ao3, but it’s still kinda fiddly. Also, if you want a program that Has Everything and Just Works, this is…not that. you can build a lot of really useful writing specific features, but you do have to build them. it’s a sandbox, so if you don’t like sandbox-style programs, this may not work for you.

that being said, I do think everyone should try it and play with it and love it like I do and convince all their friends to start using it like i did. come play with obsidian with me! it’s fun! there’s a great community in the official discord that’s very active, plus an ever-growing collection of resources, particularly on youtube (highly reccommend Danny Hatcher’s videos as a jumping in point, they’re super accessible imo)

anyway, come try obsidian!

#obsidian md #obsidian.md #writeblr #writing program #writing #writing process #notes app #space has thoughts #writing apps #writing tools #writer things #writing setup #this whole blog has just been a long con to get more people to download obsidian #notes app (beloved)

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eimids · 7 months

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Two idiots in love (with sex)

Leah Williamson x Alessia Russo.

I wanted to write smut so Leah and Alessia it is. This is literally just smut with a little bit of plot.

Warnings: smut. Bit of voyeurism, edging and umm many orgasms.

Words: 3.4k

Leahwilliammsonn

Liked by Alessiarusso99, Liawaelti and 120.456 others

Proud of my girl❤️

Alessiarusso99: proud of you baby😍

Ellatoone: you stole my bestie kinda rude of you 😠 but like better not hurt her cos i got some mad karate skills😎

Alessiarusso99: don’t worry your still my bestie🤝

Leahwilliamsonn: Toone I have seen your ‘mad karate skills’. Not very promising😂😂 and excuse me less, i’m not your bestie?!

Ellatoone: your mean and no, i’m her bestie😙

Leahswife: WHAT IS THIS ??????? NO

Leahfan: Oh they are so cute together😍😍😍😍 didn’t see this coming.

Leah and Alessia were the new power couple of the women’s football world. The whole community was in a shock as the couple made a hard launch of their relationship in their instagrams. Obviously their teammates at arsenal knew about the two and most of the lionesses. Mary was the matchmaker to the blondes. She could see the longing stares in the pitch, the hugs of celebrations that lasted for a little while longer than with other teammates.

So she made a plan. She would always ask to sit with Leah and Alessia in the bus. Then apologizing for ‘accidentally’ telling both of then that she would sit with them. Then she just said something how the two blondes should sit together and she just left to sit with Millie.

It worked to a certain point. She got the two blondes a lot closer to each other and now they were hanging out all the time. The problem was that neither of them were willing to make the first move. So naturally, Mary made it.

“You two come here” She yelled two the giggling blondes after their prac had ended.

The blondes ran to her confused

“Okey so here’s the deal. You like each other and it’s so clear that I think everyone else knows it but you two. So I’m going to be the matchmaker and do the first move for you two. Now go have a nice rest of the night” Mary said and winked.

The rest was history. The pair quickly started dating before Leah asked Alessia to be her girlfriend, which she happily said yes to. They dated for 6 months before deciding to make it public. They wanted the whole world to know that they had each other and were off the limits.

“Baby can’t we just stay home” Alessia whined.

“No we gotta go to the dinner darling” Leah answered and gave a quick peck to the youngers lips.

“Well at least give me a proper kiss” Alessia said and frowned.

Leah gave another peck, smirked and walked alaway. Leaving Alessia frowning.

They were supposed to go and meet their friends in a restaurant for a dinner. It was nice but Alessia had something very different in her mind for what she wanted to do. She had been craving the soft lips of Leah on her skin. The strong hand’s exploring her smooth skin. All she wanted was to be thrown into a bed and be fucked senseless.

Leah obviously knew what her girlfriend was after. She made her task to tease Alessia during the night as much as she could so she’d have her as a needy mess at the end of the night. Leah started subtly. Walking with her hand on alessias small of her back. Opening the door for her and giving little kisses on her neck and cheeks.

Alessia was loving the attention from her girlfriend, and so was the sinful thoughts in her head. Alessia was happy that now she could kiss her girlfriend in public spaces without having to worry about someone seeing. She didn’t have to hide the not so subtle love marks on her chest if she was wearing a dress. She was just enjoying all of her girlfriend.

While driving Leah decided to took it up a notch. Putting hand on Alessias thigh and letting her thumb draw random circles on it. Leah was enjoying how she saw Alessia already being needy with the heat in her pants growing. When arriving, Leah once again opened the car door for her girlfriend and secured her hand around her lovers waist.

At the restaurant Leah made sure to pull the chair for Alessia which made the young blond flush red. She wasn’t used to PDA from her girlfriend since they had to hide their relationship for a while. She was now very happy that she could kiss her gorgeous girlfriend in front of the word.

During the dinner Leah had her hand on Alessia’s thigh the whole time protectively. As the waiter got a bit too friendly with the younger blonde Leah made sure to kiss her in front of him to send the message that she wasn’t available. They had overall a nice dinner until Leah leaned up to Alessia’s ear.

“Why don’t you go to the bathroom and take of your underwear so I can have some fun with you” Leah said and kissed her on the cheek innocently.

Alessia was dumbfounded and just quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. She found an empty stall and took her black lingerie that she wore just for Leah from under her skirt. She noticed that the panties were already covered in her own arousal which made her a bit embarrassed. She put the panties to her blazers pocket, washed her hands and walked back to the table.

Leah had a knowing smile on her face as she helped Alessia sit back down. Leah out her hand back to Lessi’s thigh but this time a bit higher. It stayed there for a moment before moving higher and higher. At one point while Alessia was sipping from her drink, Leahs fingers found Alessia’s wetness. She swirled her fingers a bit which made Alessia almost choke on her drink. She just brushed it off to the other saying that she just coughed.

After teasing just her girlfriends folds, her thumb found the very sensitive clit. Alessia wiggled in her chair at the amazing feeling.

“Are you doing okay darling? Should we head back home” Leah said. Hand still circling gently her girlfriend’s clit.

“Umm I- I think we should go I feel kinda dizzy” Alessia answered. She almost whined when Leah took her hand away from where she needed it the most.

The couple quickly made their way to the car that sat in the parking lot. Leah once again opened the door for the younger woman and then went to the driver’s side. The ride was fast. Leah speeding through the roads so she could have the time with her girlfriend that she’d been longing for.

Leah would lie if she said that having Alessia sitting next to her without any panties didn’t get her all hot and bothered. She was feeling the heat inside her. The need to fuck her girlfriend in every possible position.

When they arrived back to their shared apartment, Leah was quick to pin Alessia to the door the second it closed. Leah’s mouth went straight to Alessia’s pulse point. Marking her girlfriend for everyone to see.

“You were such a good girl for me at the restaurant” Leah said before pressing a kiss to her lovers lips. She wanted Alessia to beg her to make her feel good. She wanted the blonde to be so needy that she had to beg.

“Please Leah, let’s go to the bedroom”Alessia started her asking.

“I think you can do better than that love, I want to hear you beg for it” Leah answered cockily.

“Fuck Leah” Alessia moaned when the older blonde brought her knee to Alessias pussy.

“That’s not begging” Leah reminded.

“Pleas Leah take me to your bed and fuck me. Please you’ve teased me this whole day” Alessia pleaded.

“Hmm that’s better but that’s not gonna take you to the bed” Leah simply answered before grabbing Alessia by her waist and walking to the kitchen before lifting Alessia to the counter.

“Maybe I should make you come with my tongue? Would that be good for you my dear?” Leah asked with a smirk.

“Yes please Leah. You can do anything you want to me” Alessia answered between the kisses Leah was providing her.

“Oh I like the sound of that” Leah said while unzipping Alessia’s skirt. She quickly got rid of it to see the wet heat in front of her eyes.

Leah moaned at the sight of her girlfriend being already so wet for her. But Leah still wanted to hear more pleading from her girlfriend. She decided that Alessia had to work for her orgasm.

”Please Leah, I want to feel good baby, been waiting for all day” Alessia moaned.

Leah decided that now was the time to bury her head to her girlfriend’s wet heat. She swiped her tongue through the folds and gathered the wetness to taste. Both of the women were enjoying every moment.

After a while Leah brought her tongue to the very needy clit of her girl. It was begging for attention and Leah was more than willing to give that to it

“Oh yes Leah, just like that love” Alessia moaned while throwing her head back. Her hands found her girlfriend’s hair to push her closer to her pussy.

Leah was working with her very skillful tongue to make Alessia come to the edge of her orgasm. She lapped the wetness before bringing her lips to suck the sensitive bundle of nerves. She kept going and going before Alessia was just about to come.

“What?!” Alessia panted as the pleasure was taken away from her. Leah just simply stood up and walked away from her very annoyed and confused girlfriend.

“You gotta work for it baby” Leah said and kept walking to their living room. She sat onto the couch and waited for her girlfriend to join her.

“Please I’ll do anything Leah” Alessia pleaded again.

“Make me come with those skilfull fingers and that amazing mouth, maybe then you’ll get the same favor” Leah answered and started tugging her pants off.

Alessia was on her knees in seconds, wanting to please her girlfriend. She helped Leah to take her pants and underwear off. After that she dived right into her girlfriend. She carefully slid two fingers to the waiting heat. Leah’s breathing picked up and she knew that she wasn’t going to last for long with Less.

Alessia worked her fingers in and out of Leah’s pussy and occasionally curled them so she would hit the blondes g spot. While the pair hadn’t been that long together, they had a lot of sex. Alessia know her girlfriend’s body inside and out. Same goes with Leah. She could make the other come in minutes if she wanted. Alessia was in mood to make Leah come fast so she could enjoy her own pleasure next.

“So good for me Less, please put that mouth to good use baby” Leah moaned and enjoyed the sight of her girlfriend eating her out passionately.

Alessia was now hitting that toe curling spot with every thrust. She couldn’t get enough of the sounds her girlfriend made. Her mouth fas flicking on Leah’s clit to make her come. She quickly brought her other hand to Leah’s tit’s to squeeze them. She wanted to make it as pleasurable as possible for Leah.

She didn’t have to go much longer before Leah was coming around her fingers while they repeatedly hit that amazing spot inside of Leah.

“Oh good girl, you’re doing amazing baby. Oh that feels so good” Leah moaned as her orgasm shook her body. Alessia helped the older woman ride her orgasm to the end.

Leah grabbed Alessia’s hear and pulled her to kiss her. The older woman moaned at the taste of herself. Alessia’s fingers still inside her.

“Clean those fingers for me baby, suck them clen” Leah commanded Alessia.

Alessia took her fingers out before pushing them to her own mouth. Circling her tongue around the two digits to giva a show to Leah. She started to grind herself on Leah’s lap. Making it pleasurable for herself.

“Oh do you want to grind on my thigh? You need it that badly?” Leah laughed.

Alessia just nodded and continued the grinding. She moved a bit so her center was focused on Leah’s thigh. Making a mess on the older woman’s thigh. Covering it in her arousal.

Leah was laid back and just watched the show. She was amused how high her girlfriend’s sex drive was, also stamina. The younger woman could go for all night if she wanted. Not even needing many breaks.

Alessia found a perfect spot on Leah’s thigh that made her a moaning mess. Soon Leah flexed her muscles on her thigh and watched her girlfriend’s reaction. Her whole body jolted at the new feeling, eyes rolling and head thrown back in pleasasure.

“Keep grinding sweet girl” Leah said as she saw Alessia’s movements get sloppier. She was proud how she managed to make her girlfriend this close to orgasm without even touching her properly.

Alessia was once again at the edge of ther orgasm when Leah lifted Alesia up from her thigh. She watched as tears of frustration gathered in her girlfriend’s eyes.

“Please Lee, I’ve done what you asked just please. I need you so badly baby. Just want to come for you and show you that only you can make me come. Please baby please maka me come” Leah now truly begged.

“That’s what i’m talking about. You’re so pretty when you beg for attention. I know I’ve been unfair to you but I promise that next time you’ll get to come” Leah said and kissed the crying girl. She lifted her so Alessia was on her front with legs around Leah’s waist. Leah carried her girlfriend to their room and threw her onto the bed.

“What do you want? I’ll let you pick” Leah let her girlfriend choose.

“I want the vibrator please. And you fingers” Alessia answered quickly.

Leah was picking the perfect vibe for the occasion. She brought it to the bed and plased it on Alessias clit. It was one that went basicly around the clitoris to bring maximum pleasure. It was also easy to control with a little device.

Leah put it on in a low level. Alessia was moaning at the feeling between her legs.

“I’m gonna give you four. One for being good in the restaurant, one for making me come and one for each orgasm I took away from you” Leah stated as she climbed to the bed herself.

She laid behind Alessia and let her girlfriend get comfortable on leaning on her chest. Leah was kissing Alessias neck and shoulders as the younger woman kept moaning. Leah put the vibrations to the next level which made Alessia feel ecstatic.

Leah brought her hand to Alessia’s nipples and gently pulled and pinched them. That was all that it took for Alessia first orgasm come crashing.

“Yes Leah, so so good shit I’m coming” Alessia screamed as the long waited orgasm finally took over her body. Her legs shook with the pleasure and her mind was in heaven with her girlfriend’s hand all over her.

Leah put the vibrations once again to the lowest level so Alessia could calm down a bit.

“Thank you Le-“ Alessia stared but was cut off when the vibrations went up again. This time even stronger. Her leg’s immediately started to shake and the moans from her mouth were uncontrollable.

Leah brought her fingers to Alessias folds once again. This time sticking three fingers inside of her girlfriend. Alessia let an ungodly moan at the stretch. She was wet enough to take the fingers but it was just unexpected. Quickly she got used to them.

Leah started to thrust them in and out in crucially slow pace. Alessia turned her head to Leah’s side so she could find the soft lipst that were home to her.

“Oh Lee. I’m so close again” Alessia moaned to her girlfriend’s mouth.

“Make a mess Less. Cum on my fingers and let the whole building know who you belong to” Leah said before continuing her actions.

“Leah, Leah, Leah” Alessia repeated like a mantra. She screamed it so loud that the whole world must have heard it.

“That’s right. You’re mine and mine only. Only I can touch you like this and only I can see you like this” Leah said as she continued her actions. She loved how Alessia was coming around her fingers. Clenching around then so hard that they barely moved anymore.

Letting her girlfriend ride out the orgasm before turning the vibe to the lowest setting again. Alessia was panting. She was out of breath and her head was spinning.

“You okay?” Leah checked before she continued anything. The last thing she wanted was to make her love uncomfortable in the slightest.

“Yeah. That was amazing Lee, please more” Alessia smiled to Leah and kissed her. Leah laughed at her girlfriend. Not surprised that the girk was asking more already. But Alessia just couldn’t get enough.

“Who I’m I to deny you when you look so fucking gorgeous” Leah said and continued kissing Alessia.

“Hmm maybe I should give you a little spanking. I know how much you love that” Leah said and flipped herself from behind Alessia. She then sat at the edge of the bed and moved Alessia to her lap. Ass perfectly for her to access.

“Mhhmm, please spank me. Make me yours” Alessia was enthusiastic. Loving the feeling of some light spanking.

“You are already mine baby. Don’t forget that” Leah said and with that her hand came down to her lover’s ass.

Alessia buckled a bit and just moaned shamelessly. The vibrations were still on her clit. Not pressing even more to her as she laid in Leah’s lap.

Leah brought her hand the second time to Alessias back. And then again. She knew her girlfriend loved some spanking but didn’t know it would make her this wet. Leah felt as the wetness of her girlfriend was dripping to her own thighs. She just smirked proudly and gave another spank.

“Leah I don’t know what’s happening” Alessia said a bit confused. But Leah knew. Leah could notice the signs of her girlfriend getting close to an orgasm. The vibrations weren’t strong enough to make her come alone. So it was the spanking. The spanking was making her girlfriend come.

“Don’t worry sweet, just met it happen” Leah said and brought her hand to Alessia’s ass twice. That’s what brought the younger blonde over the edge. She wasn’t anticipating the strong orgasm that took over her whole body. She didn’t know she could come like this but she didn’t care. She just enjoyed the endless pleasure coursing through her vains.

“Fuck Leah. So good, god” Alessia mumbled. During her orgasm. Leah just watched in awe as her girlfriend came. The never ending orgasm was something new to them both. Neither knew that Alessia could come like that. Just by some spanking and bit of vibrations. Leah knew that this was something that she would love to do to her girlfriend more often.

“Holy shit” Alessia said when she finally calmed down.

“I didn’t know I could come by just spanking” She stated a bit embarrassed. Hiding her face with her hands.

“Don’t hide from me love”Leah said while moving Alessia to sit in her lap and face her. “That was fucking amazing” She continued while chuckling a little.

“Yeah it was” Alessia laughed with her girlfriend. They’re teeth clashed as they kept laughing to the kiss.

They continued that for a while before Alessia spoke. “So you promised me four orgasms soo now that we have fucked in the kitchen, living room and bedroom the only place left is the bathroom” Alessia said wiggling her eyebrows.

“Shower sex?” Leah asked but Alessia just jumped to her wobbly legs and yelled “grab the strap”.

Leah just laughed. She loved the high sexdrive of her girlfriend.

—

Umm yeah that was a lot of plotless smut.

#leah williamson #wlw post #woso fanfics #woso community #alessia russo #leah williamson x alessia russo #lionesses #arsenal wfc

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sturniozo · 5 months

Text

Savage Love Part Ten

Matt Sturniolo x reader Mafia AU

masterlist

“What happened at work, dollface?” He asked me.

“I… I kinda… got fired.” I mumble.

“Why?” He asks as his hand caresses my cheek.

“There was something my editor wanted me to do and I told him I couldn’t and-“

“Did he try to sleep with you?” Matt asks sternly. “I swear to god I’ll-“

“What? No it was an article I didn’t want to do.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t want to do the article and he said without that article I contribute nothing of substance to the paper so he fired me…”

Matt kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. “What was the piece about?” He asks as he nuzzles his face against my hair.

I bite my lip. I can’t tell him the article was about him, he’d think our whole relationship is a lie. “He wanted me to do an exposure piece. I just don’t feel comfortable ruining people for no good reason. I think there’s a difference between exposing actual bad people and just plain outing people’s personal lives.”

Matt kisses my head once again. “I bet you were the best writer they had. That papers gonna go to shit now. No one will read it anymore.”

I laugh softly and cuddle closer to him. “My pieces barely made it into that paper anyways.”

“I’ll find you a better paper to work at, okay babydoll?”

“You don’t need to find me a job Matt, I can do that myself.”

“I’d rather you have a job you can work from home from though, that way I can keep an eye on you.”

“Matt, no offense, but that was creepy.” I turn to him and laugh softly. My smile fades when I see the serious look on Matt’s face.

“I’d just prefer it if I knew where you were and that you were safe.” Matt shrugs and kisses my temple again. “I have some things to take care of here in a bit baby, so I’m gonna order you some lunch.”

“What do you have to take care of?” I ask. I bite my lip as I realize I don’t need to ask these questions for my job anymore. I just want to know him.

Matt sighs. “There’s a shipment coming in from Italy and I need to make sure they brought everything I paid for so that I can distribute it to my consumers.”

I blink. “What’s the shipment of?”

Matt shakes his head. “I’m sorry dollface but that’s need to know.” He kisses my head. “Let’s order you food now.” He pulls out his phone to order food online.

“It’ll be here soon. I have to go babydoll, I have to be at the airport in an hour.” Matt gets up from the couch. “Make sure you eat. And feel free to explore and look around. You’re gonna be here for a little while you might as well get used to the place.” Matt gives me a quick kiss on the lips before leaving.

I sit on the couch for a minute pondering what to do. I hear Matt’s car leave and I shrink back against the couch. It feels so uncomfortable to be alone is his big home. I look around the living room. Behind the couch is one of multiple pool tables in the house, and near the corner of the room is a poker table.

The tv is huge, like one from a theater. It sits above a beautiful mantel that looks like hand chiseled stone. The beautiful creation had carved roses and thorn filled vines that line the edges.

I must have been admiring the mantel for a long time since I hear the doorbell ring. It catches me off guard and I flinch and my leg slips off the couch.

I get up and head towards the front door. I open it to see a delivery man holding a bag.

“Delivery for Sturniolo?” He says and I nod. He hands me the bag and the receipt before turning around and leaving without a word.

I close the door and go to the dining room to set the bag of food down in the table. The interaction itself was weird, not like any one I’ve had with a delivery man. I look at the receipt to see what Matt had ordered and see the special instruction.

‘Don’t mess with the girl.’

I roll my eyes and set the receipt down on the table.

After eating a bit of the lunch I decided to walk around. I’m mostly curious what I could find. Even though I’m not on the piece about him anymore I’m still interested to know if he really is the Mafia boss or if this is all just misconstrued information.

I walk up the stairs and through the hallway. Most of the doors have been locked, the only one I’m able to get into is Matt’s bedroom. So I start there.

I have already seen most there is to see in Matt’s bedroom. But the door that leads to his office is still unseen by my eyes. I turn the knob, a little surprised it isn’t locked. I open the door just a bit and bite my lip.

Should I be doing this? Would Matt know? I swallow the saliva building up in my mouth from nerves and I enter the office. I turn in the light to see everything, but there’s almost nothing to see. Just a desk and a seat. There’s no papers or a computer, do extra storage drawers, no decorations of any kind. Just a desk and a chair.

The desk and chair looks like the ones you’d think your rich uncle would have. Beautiful maroon wood desk and a matching color leather desk chair.

I go to close the door when something catches my eye. Something under the desk. I walk closer and look under the desk and pick up the small metal key. I look around for a lock of some sort, something that the key must open.

Why would this be in the floor? I look through the drawers of the desk, all of them empty, except when I get to the bottom one. I open it and a gun slides around the drawer from the force of me opening it. I gasp slightly and immediately close the drawer.

I stand up and look around. Where did the key go? And where did it come from? There’s no way he just left it on the floor, is there? And why would he have an empty office with nothing but a gun?

Maybe Emma was right, I was being naive, and I shouldn’t have trusted Matt. Things do add up to him being in the Mafia.

But that’s not how you gather information, you can’t start with your conclusion and work backwards to prove it. No, I need proof of it.

But I don’t need proof anymore. I keep forgetting I stopped with that piece. I turn around and look over the walls. I trace my fingers over the wallpaper until I feel a dent in the wall covered by the wallpaper.

I take a breath. I can’t cut through the paper, Matt will notice and know I snooped. I bite my lip and trace along the dent, just to get an idea of how big the dent it.

I trace it up above my head and then back down to the floor. It seemed to be the outline of a door. Maybe that’s what the key unlocked?

But why would the key be on the floor? And why would the door be covered with the wallpaper? I shake my head. I shouldn’t do this. I set the key back down under the desk where I found it and leave the office, shutting the light off behind me.

I sit on the bed still unsure what to do. After a moment of thinking I walk out of his bedroom and walk along the hallway to where his office wall would be. I go to open a door that should lead to the room next to his office, but it’s locked.

I immediately go back through his bedroom and to his office, grabbing the key and going back out to the door. I take a deep breath before I slip the key into the lock.

I turn the key and the lock click. I turn the knob and open the door. The room is dark so I reach around the wall feeling for a light switch. When I finally find it I flick it on, and gasp at what I see.

I quickly close the door behind me and run down the hall and down the stairs. I rush to the front door and open it, just in time to see a car pull up. My breath hitches and I shut the door, hoping whoever it was didn’t see me.

I go back to the living room but remember how I left the room. I quickly go back up the stairs and go back to the room, shut off the light, then close and lock the door. I run to put the key back under his desk where I found it. By the time I’m leaving Matt’s bedroom I hear the front door open.

From upstairs I can hear the sound of two guys talking to each other, sounding like they’re bickering. My feet stay planted in place in Matt’s bedroom, unable to move.

Neither voice sounds like Matt’s which makes my heart race in my chest. I swallow the saliva building up in my mouth and slowly creep tears the door of the bedroom. I hear the guys make their way up the stairs and I see their faces.

They look just like Matt. Then I remember Matt telling me he was a triplet and lived with his brothers when we were on a date once.

I step backwards and the floor creaks. The guys stop talking and I stand paralyzed in fear. Do they know I’m here? Did Matt tell them anything?

My questions are answered when I hear one of them say “I bet it’s that girl Matt’s been with.” And then the footsteps get closer to the door. I sit down on the bed, now unable to stand as the anxiety builds up inside me. The door opens and I see the two guys fully.

They really do look almost just like Matt. I stare up at them and my heart races. “Matt said you’d be here.” One of them says. “I’m Chris, this is Nick,” he nods his head towards the other guy “we’re Matt’s brothers. You must be y/n then?”

I nod slowly.

“Matt’s told us about you. He said you’re staying here while he has your place checked for- ow!”

Nick interrupts Chris by kicking his leg. “Dude,” Nick motions to me. He mouths something to Chris and Chris seems to have a moment of realization.

“Just make yourself at home and… Nick and I will be in the living room if you need anything.” Chris says before leaving.

I let out a breath and stare at the ground. How am I supposed to leave with those two here? And how am I supposed to stay after what was in that room?

Tags: @stargirlsturniololover @sturniolobessed @eyelessdemon00 @sturnioloenthusiast @sturniolopookie @urmommysbathroom @qwertytit @whatever1021 @chrisfavoritepepsi @stramboli4life @sturniolosreads @timmyscomputer @iloveneilperry @chrisloyalgf @xxsadlovexx @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @nickmillersn1gf

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mtreebeardiles · 10 months

Text

Hmm so that post about normalizing male love did indeed come from someone who’s beliefs come from a place I don’t really agree with, and in the interest of that, I wanted to quote someone else who sees the problem from a lens more aligned with progressive thinking: bell hooks.

From The Will to Change

We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama.

Some highlights as to how patriarchy is also negative towards men/masculinity:

The unhappiness of men in relationships, the grief men feel about the failure of love, often goes unnoticed in our society precisely because the patriarchal culture really does not care if men are unhappy.

Patriarchal mores teach a form of emotional stoicism to men that says they are more manly if they do not feel, but if by chance they should feel and the feelings hurt, the manly response is to stuff them down, to forget about them, to hope they go away.

I was gonna slap on the usual disclaimer about male privilege and how patriarchy affects men/masculinity and women/femininity differently but I don’t think the usual disclaimers really work anymore because adherence to a binary and refusing to acknowledge the intersectional realities of privilege are kinda inadequate in reality, aren’t they? It’s the same shit that takes socialization and conflates it with biological essentialism when reality is not everyone is socialized in the same way — but cultural, and specifically patriarchal, systems have a way of punishing/discouraging certain behaviors based on perceived traits both in terms of external AND internal expectations. A young trans masc, for instance, is not ‘socialized’ female prior to coming out/transitioning to whatever degree in the same sense a cis girl is — the external factors still influence expectations, but the two are engaging with it differently as their internal perceptions alter perspectives, if that makes sense. To put it another way, my engagement with femininity from a feminine lens always felt very wrong — engaging with it again now that I am more comfortable and have embraced my masculinity feels so much better.

But to ground this again in bell hooks, consider:

We need to highlight the role women play in perpetuating and sustaining patriarchal culture so that we will recognize patriarchy as a system women and men support equally, even if men receive more rewards from that system. Dismantling and changing patriarchal culture is work that men and women must do together.

You can’t change a system by adhering to ANY of its methodologies. Denying men emotional growth, expression, and the ability to communicate their feelings in healthy ways IS the same method used by the patriarchy — yes, even if it is a woman doing it.

#on masculinity #bell hooks #one day I’ll expand on this maybe #it’s a good read highly recommend

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messrmoonyy · 2 months

Text

- you sunshine, you temptress

Tess Servopoulos x Female reader

Request- already in like Jackson, and so Ellie and Joel live together but Tess doesn’t. They’re new in town so they’re still not used to the whole nice civilized thing, but the reader is her nice neighbor who wears her down. She plants stuff and even like cooks for tess. But she’s not a wimp either, very skilled with guns and stuff. Just a fic where they meet and like reader takes care of Tess. Smut too if you want

A/N- I took this request and ran with it. It took me a long ass time I apologise but I do really like how this turned out. It became far more angsty than I’m sure you wanted it to be but. Here we are. I wanted to explore an idea that Tess didn’t like Jackson and took time to adjust, didn’t really like reader as well. Tess leaning to adjust and love and be loved. Also in transferring this over none of my italics saved and I could’nt be fucked to go back through this again and add them back lmao

Warnings- 18+ | tess is quite low for the majority of this, canon compliant discussions of death and violence, vague/ implied smut (wc- 13.2k )

Tess masterlist | AO3 - Tess requests are open but not currently top priority

SPRING

Tess didn’t like Jackson. Not at first. The drastic change from Boston to the nomadic lifestyle she had been living with Ellie and Joel as they crossed the country had been difficult enough. But to then transfer to something so wildly different from both of those things? Yeah. It took some getting used to.

She didn’t quite know what she had been expecting really. Maybe something like Boston but without the soldiers. Small pockets of people doing their own things to get by, together for safety but nothing much else. Not the working, thriving town she had walked into. Not the cleanliness, the stores, the diner, the hot water- that apparently was only a little temperamental in the colder months compared to year round like Boston- and clean clothes. Jobs. Families. Farming. She felt like she was in an alternate dimension.

She didn’t like the way everyone was so… cheerful. Which was a weird thing to say, but it was true. Because it threw her off.

She had developed her own bubble of happiness with Joel and Ellie over the months. They laughed together at Ellie’s shitty jokes, shared in her joy when she found a can of ravioli she liked. But would be stoney faced in an instant to protect each other. Joel and Ellie she loved like family, they were her family. She was used to warm smiles from them, a desire to be near her and talk to her. She wasn’t used to it from others.

Other people were scared of her. They moved out of her way and they did as she asked. They kept their heads down in case they upset her and they didn’t cross her path. But not in Jackson. No.

They smiled at her in the street, asked her how she was, said good morning.

And it spooked her. She didn’t like it. And she hated that she didn’t. That she had become so hardened that genuine kindness scared her. Because no one was kind anymore. No one showed care unless they wanted something else in return.

So she didn’t know how to take it. She wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the new found trust people had in her, their ease at having her around. To her surprise Joel didn’t seem to be struggling as much. He had Tommy back after all and that seemed to be easing his discomfort. Ellie was fitting in… kinda. Her colourful vocabulary and brashness had put some of the kids off at first. But they seemed to be warming to her now.

So it was just her. Trapped in some odd isolated headspace where she didn’t quite know what to do. She didn’t mention it to Joel, didn’t want to interfere with him and Tommy as they rebuilt their relationship again. Maria had tried to pull Tess into things more, and Tess liked her. Maria didn’t take shit, she had power and was in charge. People respected her. And she didn’t let Tess mope around for too long either.

But even Maria couldn’t quite pull her out of that disconnected state completely.

Part of her felt she was being ungrateful. She was alive and as safe as anyone could possibly hope to be in the current climate. Joel was alive. Ellie was alive. She was alive. But there was just… something.

Maybe a sick part of her missed it. Missed Boston. But then again maybe it wasn’t so sick. She hadn’t liked Boston really. But spending so long in one place would always make it hard to leave behind. Even the things she had so often complained about. She found she couldn’t even sleep on her new bed, Jackson having been looked after for so long that the mattress was actually still soft. She was too used to the lumpy one in the zone, and sleeping on the ground for months.

She’d been sleeping on the couch since she’d arrived. If she even managed to sleep at all, unable to fall asleep on the soft sheets and bed.

She missed her power too. Got tetchy when she thought about who was running operations back in the zone now. Who was living in her and Joel’s apartment, had they found their stash? Who was selling her shit and walking around like she had? She had to remind herself she shouldn’t care. That wasn’t her life anymore. It never would be again. Boston was a distant memory she needed to put to rest.

But it was difficult.

The new house felt too big. The town too clean. The people too nice. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with herself. She mildly regretted living separately from Joel. Just out of… familiarity. She wasn’t used to such an open space to herself. Even before the outbreak the house she had shared with her husband and son hadn’t been so big. And she had had two other bodies to fill the space.

In Boston that tiny apartment she had had Joel to fill the gaps.

But she knew she couldn’t impose on him any longer. Joel was handsome and mellowing. He would no doubt find someone in town… and she couldn’t be the one to stand in the way of that. Especially seeing as she herself had no desire to go there. Their relationship had always been purely platonic and she had no intention of changing that.

So when Maria had asked, she had taken her own place. Ellie had taken the garage. They all had their own space. But those two seemed far better at living in it than she was.

It had taken that stark shift though for her to realise that maybe she simply wasn’t made for being alone. She had met her husband in college. They had moved in together immediately after, and had their son young. Then she’d fallen into the group heading for Boston, met Joel… she’d never really been alone.

Though she also wasn’t particularly doing anything to change that either. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. Back in Boston she’d get lonely from time to time, would go out and pick someone up with ease. Now? She didn’t know where that confidence had gone.

She felt people looking at her when she ventured out. She knew she wasn’t exactly unattractive, she knew people liked to look. But she had no desire to pursue. She didn’t even entertain them for a second. And they all grew bored of trying and moved on.

Everyone was friendly enough, but some kept their distance when they realised she wasn’t the… happiest of people. But one person didn’t let the permanent frown glued to Tess’ face deter them.

You.

You lived across the street from her, would wave hello every morning when Tess ventured out to find out what tasks Maria had to keep her busy for the day. You’d smile. You’d say hello. You even left her things on the porch.

And you liked flowers.

She gathered that pretty quickly. The window boxes were full, potted bushes and blooms littered your porch and edge of the dirt path street. It made her own place look incredibly dull. But maybe that was fitting.

She’d never been one for flowers. So expensive for them to just sit and wilt away in a vase, to be left with nothing but some crisped petals and dead stems within a week. So amongst the sandwiches and pies left at her door, the odd flowering embellishments she knew came from you.

A lot of people in town left stuff for her and Joel, to welcome them. To give them things they needed. She didn’t like accepting any of it. She didn’t like the feeling of… owing people. Feeling like they would have a hold over her, that they had given her a new jacket so now she owed them something. That you had left her a pie so now you were owed something too.

So she left the majority of it exactly where it was placed on the porch, Maria being the one to bring them inside for her.

“ You are gonna attract every damn animal in town if you keep leaving this stuff on your porch Tess “ Maria used as a greeting when Tess opened the door one morning, seeing the woman standing there with what seemed to be a loaf in her hands “ and wasting food? Really? Especially this? Now this looks delicious. Still warm too “ Tess scoffed but before she could speak she heard your voice.

“ Good morning Maria! Good morning Tess! “ she looked over Maria’s shoulder to see you jogging down your porch steps and waving, thankfully turning to walk into town rather than try and start a conversation

“ morning hun “ Maria responded with a smile, glancing over to Tess when she ignored you as she always did.

“ what? “ Maria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in the way she so often did when she was at her wits end. Usually with Ellie and Joel’s bickering.

“ I’ve told you a million times. We all get along here. It’s a small town Tess, you can’t have grudges. Or.. at least public ones. I have a few secret ones myself “ Tess sighed and stepped back to let Maria inside, who only sighed too when she eyed the blanket on the couch “ you’re still sleeping on the couch? “

Tess brushed her off and grabbed her boots from by the door, sitting down to pull them on. She could already sense another of Maria’s lectures brewing, and the headache pulsing behind her temples made her hope she’d hold off on it.

“ I just fell asleep there I was… reading “ Maria did not seem even remotely convinced and walked through to place the bread down in the kitchen.

“ And what’s with the silent treatment with the doll across the street? “

“ she’s too… happy “ Maria laughed and shook her head

“ She's harmless. She’s kind “

“ she’s fuckin annoying “ Maria’s eyebrows flew up and she gave a small laugh again

“ Theresa “ it sounded almost scolding. Tess scoffed at that “ you sound like Ellie “ Tess scoffed again. Fucking Ellie?

“ calling me a kid now Maria? “

“ yeah. Cause you’re acting like one “ she sighed and stood with her hands on her hips, the way that told anyone nearby that she meant business. To shut the fuck up and listen to her “ you’re here now. And you need to stop isolating yourself “ she walked over to her and placed a hand to her arm, a gentle comforting squeeze “ I know it’s hard. I do. But you have to try “

She knew she did. She was just stubborn and stuck in her ways. And you really were… peppy. One of those people that seemed constantly in a good mood, seeing the world through rose tinted glasses and trying to spread your joy.

Tess’ own glasses had smashed a long long time ago. And she saw no reason for the amount of joy you seemed to hold.

“ I’m trying “

“ Try harder then “ Maria said before folding her arms and tilting her head a little as she watched her “ what’s going on with you? “ Tess stood up again and ran a hand through her hair, wishing she knew. Wishing she had the words to explain.

But how could she? How could she tell Maria that she wanted to go home? She wanted Boston back. That she felt out of place in Jackson and had never felt as lonely as she did in her entire life.

“ I’m fine. I’m just tired. Shall we go? “ Maria didn’t seem convinced but nodded, following her outside.

It was a nice day. Spring was in full swing now, in the weeks between Salt Lake City and settling into town the chill of winter had finally disappeared. She could see daffodils sprouting in the window boxes of your house. Her own were barron.

“ I’ve put you on farming rotation today. Sounds good? “ she nodded “ okay. It’s easy enough. Pot things, label things, pull things. It’s quite therapeutic “ she’d be the judge of that one.

She followed Maria around to the greenhouses, watching how people greeted her and smiled when they saw her. She didn’t know whether she was jealous or annoyed.

“ okay. Greenhouse 4, shouldn’t take more than a couple hours. When you’ve finished in there come find me if you want to help out some more. Okay? "She followed where Maria was pointing and stopped when she spotted someone already inside greenhouse 4.

“ are you fuckin kidding me Maria“

You.

Maria smiled and squeezed her shoulders, leaning close to her ear

“ Be nice “ Tess scoffed and turned to try and beg her to assign her anywhere else but there, but Maria was already walking off.

“ Maria- “

“ be. Nice! “

“ fuck “ she gave a frustrated huff and headed into the greenhouse, you turned around at the sound with that usual beaming smile on your face. She didn’t have the energy for this today. Didn’t have the energy for you.

“ Oh hi. I didn’t know I was paired with you today “ she stood not really knowing what she was supposed to do, annoyance practically steaming out of her ears “ you wanna get that side and I’ll continue with this side? Seeds are in that bag there, compost and soil is there, tools in the crate under the table. Okay? “

She gave a small nod and headed for the crate of tools, pulling out a small trowel and grabbing a pot. But she found her hands refusing to move. Simply staring down at the equipment in her hands. It felt like a weight was pushing down on her shoulders, crushing her chest, turning all of her muscles to lead.

“ I thought Maria would’ve had you trained up for patrols by now “ you said lightly, the sound of your trowel filling another pot “ from what I’ve heard your pretty handy with a gun “

What had you heard?

“ yeah “ she said, almost having to force herself to reply “ soon… they don’t like new people straight on patrol “ her hands still wouldn’t move.

“ figures. You could always ask her to put you on my regular route at first if you like. It’s one of the busier ones, you seem a little stressed. And well blowing the head off a clicker might be beneficial “ you laughed as you said it but quite frankly she felt you were right.

She didn’t like being unarmed. Adults in town were allowed to own their own weapons but weren’t to bring them out of their house unless they were heading on patrol. Her back pocket felt too empty without her gun there. Her fingers itched to hold it, if only for the familiarity of the metal on her fingers.

“ or why don’t you see if she’ll assign you on the hunting crew? Shooting rabbits isn’t exactly as fun as putting down clickers but. You know it’s something “ you seemed fully convinced that the answer to Tess’ supposed stress was killing something one way or another.

What had you heard about her? Who had been talking?

“ right “ she still hadn’t potted a single seed, some unmoving crushing sense of dread still heavy on her shoulders.

She didn’t know why the weight of her problems was weighing her down so heavily in the last few days. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just adjust to Jackson. Why was she feeling more anxious and depressed in the safest possible place she could be, than when she had been living under the looming threat of being murdered everyday?

No normal person's mind worked that way. No normal decent person craved the life she had once had. The familiarity back at least. She felt sick.

You were humming a song to yourself now. It felt irrationally loud in her ears. She could hear Maria’s voice in her head too. Telling her to try. To try be nice. Try to mingle.

“ thank you. For the bread “ she said in an attempt at conversation. She’d known it was you that had left it. Had seen the sprig of some kind of flower tucked into the cloth it was wrapped in. Obviously you “ but I don’t need charity “

“ it’s not charity “ you said, the sound of your tools stilling “ it’s a gift. I don’t know… welcome to town gesture that’s all “

“ Whatever it was. I don’t need it “ maybe this wasn’t exactly nice. But it needed to be said “ you can take it back if you want. I haven’t touched it “

“ alright “ she didn’t have to look at you to know your face would be reminiscent of a kicked puppy “ keep the lavender though. It’s calming… it’ll help you sleep” she turned around to look at you then. How did you know she wasn’t sleeping?

“ how- “

“ I came from a QZ myself, I spent years after that roaming. I know it takes time to adjust Tess. I barely slept a wink when I first got here… paranoid an infected was gonna jump me in my sleep or FEDRA was gonna come arrest me cause they suspected me of rebel activity… silly I know but. Our brains are hardwired into survival mode and it takes some time to shake it off “

It sounded genuinely sincere. Caring. She barely knew you and yet you seemed as though you actually wanted to help her. It made her skin prickle.

“ yeah. Well. I’m not you “ she turned back around as if to resume her previous activity. Though she had still not potted a single seed.

“ That's very clear “ even annoyed you sounded remotely cheerful still. Like no malice truly laced your words.

What was she doing here? The world was a hell hole, it was full of shitty people all doing shitty things. And there she was planting fucking carrots. In some odd altercation with you about her behaviour.

“ Tess? Everything okay? "Your hand falling on her shoulder shocked her into reality. She stepped away from your touch, moving so quickly it was as if you’d burnt her, heading for the door. She felt like she was suffocating she needed to get out “ Tess? “

“ I- I have to go “ you hurried out after her and she took a deep breath of the fresh air trying to calm herself. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t skittish and scared. She didn’t get anxious and erratic. She didn’t recognise herself anymore.

“ Can I do anything? I can get Maria or-“

“ look. I know you mean well. But I don’t need… any of this. I don’t need you thinking you’re helping all of the time “ her words were harsh and as much as you annoyed her, it was like looking at a kicked puppy “ just. Stop “

She turned away from you and headed straight for home. Home. Home that felt nothing like the word.

She felt ungrateful. People were sleeping out in the woods or in derelict buildings basically waiting to be attacked by infected. And she had a house. Warmth. Safety. But she couldn’t shake the feelings and she hated it.

She closed the town out behind her, closing the door and leaning against it to catch her breath. Why was this all so difficult for her? Why was she so incapable of adjusting to some kind of regular society again?

She debated talking to Joel. If anyone in town understood her it was him. Joel knew her inside out, could talk to her with just a look, knew what she was going to do before she did it. But he was settling in fine. He wasn’t struggling like she was. She didn’t want to weigh him down with that when he finally seemed so light.

She hid away for the rest of the day, almost expecting Maria to come and drag her back out again. But she didn’t to her relief. She had her peace and quiet to mope. To wallow in her own stupid sadness and isolation.

Until the evening.

She sighed when there was a knock on the door, probably Ellie ready to go charging around the room rambling off every piece of information about her day with an amused Joel in tow. Though she actually wouldn’t mind that.

But it wasn’t Ellie. Or Joel.

“ hey “

“ I thought- “

“ I know. Look. I just wanted to come and tell you I was sorry if I offended you or something. You just… you seemed like you needed a friend and I wanted to help “ she could tell you genuinely meant it. That you truly were one of those people that was just… nice. Good. Even after the past two decades that had twisted and warped so many others, herself included, you had somehow remained what she assumed was the same.

“ well I don’t… need any help “ you gave a small nod but didn’t immediately leave, shuffling a little awkwardly on the spot “ anything else? “

“ I noticed. I noticed you don’t have anything in the window boxes. I have some spare seeds… flowers can really help brighten the place up. I find that on sad days it’s always a little bit nicer to look at a flower than an empty box “ she opened her mouth to decline, to tell you she didn’t want you in her way. But you seemed to anticipate it “ you won’t even have to see me. Or talk to me. I can do it when you’re not home or if you are I can… I can just knock so you know I’m there. So you can wait for me to leave or- it’s just an idea “

She figured that in the long run giving you something to do that you might take as being helpful, might actually make you leave her alone a little more. And so, ever so slightly reluctantly, she sighed and nodded.

“ fine “ the smile on your face after that almost made her want to smile too. Almost. So kind. So genuine. So… bright.

“ yeah? Okay. Do you have any preferences? Or allergies? Colours maybe- “ she lifted a hand in a silent request for you to shut up.

Be nice.

She closed her eyes for a moment and gave a steady sigh, forcing some attempt at a smile onto her face.

“ anything. Anything is fine “ you gave a nod and turned slightly before pausing. You seemed to debate something for a moment before delving into your pocket and pulling out a small jar of something that looked like jam.

“ I know… I know you said you didn’t want- it goes real nice with the bread “ she waited a second before taking it from your hands. You said nothing else, just gave her a small nod of a goodbye and headed down the steps and across the street.

That evening she ate bread with the jam. It was annoyingly good.

———————————

You’d appeared the next morning to plant the seeds. And then you tended to them everyday. Watering them and doing god knows what to the soil. You would let her know you were there each time, a small knock on the door that you didn’t even mind if she didn’t answer. Just letting her know you were out there. Just as you’d said.

And as time passed she found herself answering it from time to time. Just poking her head around the door to see what you were doing, always there with your small watering can and a smile.

And that was okay. You were okay. Nothing else in her life felt right at that moment. But having a new constant did. And she had to admit that even when she woke up on the couch, rubbing at her sore neck, seeing the sprouts through the window almost made her crack a smile. Almost.

SUMMER

As the cold completely shifted from Jackson’s air she found that not even the warmth could truly raise her mood completely. Everyone in town seemed far more cheery, like the sun had some odd healing ability to make everyone more joyful after the bitter winter and the final week of spring which had been nothing but solid rain fall.

Though Tess, begrudgingly enough, found that her own joys still only stemmed from her family. But also from you. As much as she refused to admit it, she’d found herself looking forward to your small knocks on her door each morning, or on mornings where she left early for patrol she found herself almost hoping you’d be on the porch with your watering can and your smile.

Which she didn’t exactly understand or care to understand either. In fact she blatantly ignored the voices in her head warning that she was going soft. That she was beginning to almost look at you as some kind of friend.

She opened the door more often than not now, even made attempts to ask you about the flowers or ask about your day. You never probed her about herself which she liked. You didn’t pry. You let her be. You let her keep her walls fiercely guarded without so much as a complaint. And she kind of hated the fact that made her like you a little more.

And that morning was no different to the rest now, you had knocked and she had gone out to say hello. Had offered you tea and you had accepted as you so often did.

Her night had been filled with bad dreams. And she had feared that it would send her into another one of those days. Where she wanted to do nothing but hide and mope. But she had forced herself to go outside. At least to say hello.

Annoyingly to her, Maria had been right. And she lived there now. And that meant she had to try. She had to try adjust. Fit in. Be… nice.

She still felt wary around you. Maybe even more so because of how she was beginning to sort of like you. Or maybe tolerate was the better word. She told herself it was anyway. But she had been in Jackson a few months at this point. And after a few months your joy and happiness was bound to wear her down. Even if she was reluctant about it.

“ you know if you take good enough care of these they’ll bloom next spring too “ you said as she hovered by the door watching you “ it takes time and care though. Pretty things but strong enough to survive the winter if they’re tended too correctly “ your eyes flitted up to her for a moment as you said it and she felt the statement were a little more loaded than just being about the flowers.

“ I’ll leave that up to you “ you smiled warmly and looked back down at the plants.

“ here’s hoping “

Tess watched you carefully, still unsure exactly how to pinpoint what she was feeling. She was beginning to like having you around. But also your joy drove her insane. You were annoying. So unbelievably annoying with your bright smile and desire to care.

And yet… you had managed to be the one to coax her out of the house. Yes it was only to her porch but it was still out. You had given her something to almost look forward to each day.

She didn’t like it.

“ oh shit “ she blinked a couple of times to drag herself out of her head to see blood in her peripheral, dripping between your fingers and between the floorboards of the porch.

“ what did you- “

“ fucking sheers they slipped I. Look, it's fine it’s just a cut… You got a bandage or something? “ Tess nodded and glanced towards her door. She realised how bad it would seem to keep you out on the porch. To just leave you there whilst she went looking. But also the thought of you in her home…

“ yeah. Do you wanna… come in? Wanna wash it or something “ part of her almost wished you’d say no, but the relief on your face made her regret the thought instantly

“ thanks Tess “ she headed straight for the kitchen. Not even looking to see if you were behind her, rummaging around in a cupboard for her box of medical supplies.

“ wash it. The sink “ she murmured, watching you carefully from the corner of her eye as you headed for the sink beside her, cupping your hand in some attempt to not drip blood onto the tiles. She looked at your bloody hands, ignoring the guilt rising in her chest at the fact you had injured yourself doing something for her, and reached out for you. She held your cut hand in her palm, leading it carefully under the water. She could feel you watching her, eyes almost burning into her skin as she gently washed away the blood and the soil.

She focussed on the pink swirls twisting down the drain rather than looking at you.

She didn’t like it. Didn’t like how you put her on edge. She didn’t want to go delving into why exactly that was either. Why in the space of 6 months she had gone from despising your very existence, to having you in her home because you’d hurt yourself tending to her flowers. It was a lot to try and process all in one go.

“ Marias always laughing at me “ you said as she turned off the water “ says I’m one of the best snipers in town yet I’m clumsy as shit with anything else. Can shoot a clicker miles off but can’t handle a pair of gardening shears? Idiot “

Maria had told her all about your impressive skills out on patrols. She was yet to see them for herself though, Maria hadn’t paired you together yet. Thankfully. Though she couldn’t lie that curiosity on the matter was strong. She’d always had some morbid fascination with the nicest of people that were able to kill like it was second nature.

A silent chaos raging behind a gentle smile.

“ guns more important than sheers “

“ well that depends on the situation don’t you think? Gun won’t help clip the weeds “

She bandaged your hand silently with the care and tenderness that few saw from her, wrapping it up and admiring her work for a second.

She stood back when she was done not exactly knowing what to say anymore. And she hated it. Despised it. Tess always knew what to say. She was always one step ahead of everyone in the room, but she faltered when it came to you. And she didn’t know why. Or what power you seemed to hold over her as of late. Was it your kindness? Was it the simple fact that you had never shown her nothing but care and respect since day one and she just didn’t know how to accept it? Maybe.

She wandered if you noticed how she looked out of place in her own home. Surrounded by so many things that she had no connection to. Objects that weren’t hers, placed into a house that had once been lived in by others. Loved by others.

Like so many others she had gotten used to not getting attached to materialistic things. She could see you glancing around, how you could probably see that from the way the place looked so… bare. Unloved by her. Un- lived in by her. That you probably figured it out pretty quickly.

You were watching her intently as you wandered the kitchen and she didn’t like it, she didn’t like the way you made her feel like a prey animal ready to dart any moment. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t prey. She wasn’t the hunted. She was the hunter. She was the one with the upper hand.

But not with you. Not with you and your unyielding kindness and desire to know her.

So she turned around and started packing away the medical box slowly and carefully. Just to give her hands something to do.

“ why are you so afraid of me? “ you asked suddenly and she turned around with a confused look on her face. Afraid of you? Why would she possibly be afraid of someone like you.

“ what are you talking about? “

“ you’re afraid. You won’t let me in. You barely even let me be your friend. You keep trying to scare me away with being so… miserable. You have to let people in Tess… and I think it’s because you’re scared yourself I- “

“ I’m not afraid of you “ She said immediately. Her heckles raised at the intrusion. And at the confusion for your sudden lack of ability to not interfere “ are you afraid of me? “ she asked, her voice calm. And low and steady. Intimidating. The way she spoke to people in Boston who were pissing her off and she needed to remind them who she was. Her eyes had not left you for even a second. They were burning into you. Calculated. Smart. Intense.

Some desperate attempt and desire to keep you out. To make you back off. Even if it meant missing those morning knocks and tea on the porch. She couldn’t let you in. She wouldn’t.

But you weren’t afraid of her. You never had been. She could tell. You were stubborn. So unbearably kind but stubborn. Stubborn in the way you had kept up your daily visits even when she wouldn’t answer her door, in the way you still waved at her before she even spoke to you. So stubborn in the way you were standing your ground before her.

“ no. I know I should be. I know what you did. But I’m not “ she folded her arms across her chest, quirking a brow. Who had you been talking to? What could you possibly know. So you hadn’t been refraining from asking her questions all along, you’d been getting your information else where. She was almost impressed. It was smart. Calculated even.

At this point she wouldn’t be surprised if you’d cut yourself on purpose to get inside and make her talk.

“ oh? Oh you know what I did? “

“ someone in town… was gossiping I- everyone’s done bad things “ you said with a shrug.

“ what do you know? “ she advanced on you then. Slowly. Crossing the room to where you stood by the wall. You didn’t move. You held your ground.

“ a lot “

“ tell me “ she wanted to hear you say it. To confirm if what you knew was true. But also because maybe some sick part of her needed reminding what she had once been capable of. Of what she had been before she had become that misery of a human whose only joys came from her pseudo kid and the woman who planted flowers for her.

“ all the people you killed. Tortured “ your voice had dropped to almost a whisper as she stood in front of you. But you still didn’t look scared. And she couldn’t decide how that made her feel. Annoyed? Because she clearly didn’t hold the fear inducing powers she once had. Or… relieved? That she had finally come across someone that took what she had done and dusted it under the rug. Accepted it and moved on.

“ and it doesn’t scare you? “

“ you must’ve had your reasons “ there was a heavy tension hanging in the air, she could feel it thickly between you. Soon enough one of you would choke “ I know what you did. I don’t care. You can’t scare me away Tess “ at this point she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to.

No one had challenged her like that. No one like you anyway. No one so… sweet.

Her old self would’ve laughed. Would’ve laughed in your face and thrown you out. But then again. Her old self would’ve laughed at what she had become too.

Things had changed. And she needed to accept it.

“ stop trying to scare me off “ to her surprise you reached up, your hand gentle on her face. She recoiled at first. As if your fingers were steeped in acid and you’d blistered her skin with your touch. But you waited a moment and did it again. And she froze, unsure of what you were doing or how she was supposed to react to it “ I want to be your friend. Let me. You don’t have to scare every single person that wants to care for you away. If anything you damn well need it “

She didn’t know what to say. Stood there like she was made of stone with your gentle hand on her cheek, your face full of nothing but warmth and affection for her. She felt like a deer in headlights.

“ you don’t know what I need “ she finally spoke, taking a single step back so that your hand fell away. Though she was certain she could still feel it. A kind touch was so unfamiliar to her, so rare that it lingered in her skin “ you know nothing about me “

“ I know enough “ so stubborn. So unwilling to take no for an answer or let yourself be pushed away. She kind of liked it. Liked the challenge “ you have to let people in. Let me in. I know how you feel- “

“ how could you possibly know how I feel “ she almost spat “ you’ve lived here. Comfortable and safe “ you gave a small laugh at that

“ not always “ she didn’t know why she had assumed you had been there so long, maybe because you were so… settled. Adapted “ spent two years captured by a bunch of slavers before I even set foot in Jackson. I’m not some sheltered little girl born into comfort Tess “ she took a step back, eyes narrowing as she tried to asses the new information presented to her.

She knew about slavers. Had been taken by them herself at one point. But two years? She had been there two days, in a tiny camp as they prepared to move her to their main base before she’d managed to get away. Those two days had been hell. She couldn’t imagine two years.

Maybe she had underestimated you after all.

But before she could answer you properly there was another knock to her door.

“ only me! “ Maria’s voice sounded as she entered the house, opening her mouth to say something else but stopping when she saw you stood there. She looked violently overjoyed “ oh! I’m sorry. Didn’t know you had company “ it must have been an odd sight to walk into. Tess as stoney faced as ever and you practically gazing at her.

“ sorry I- “

“ did you need something? “ Tess asked

“ lunch, the whole family. Good haul from the hunting crew today “ family. Her family. As dysfunctional as it was she very much wanted to escape the current situation and see them “ but if you’re busy- “

“ no. I’m not. She was just leaving “ she glanced over at you as you gave a small nod and a smile, quietly excusing yourself and heading for the door.

“ just. Think about what I said Tess? I’ll see you tomorrow “

She didn’t hear the end of that for the entirety of lunch. Maria not usually one to pry. But knowing very much that Ellie and Tommy would. Casually mentioning it and… that was that.

Ellie seemed particularly delighted. Looking at her in a way that she recognised from her own childhood when she realised liking girls wasn’t just a her thing. That she wasn’t the only one. But Tess didn’t probe. Though she was happy in the knowledge Ellie would come to her if she needed.

“ y’know I think it’s real nice “ Joel said to her when she stepped outside stating she needed a little air “ she’s softenin you “ Tess scoffed and folded her arms across her chest

“ you have no idea what you’re talking about. She’s a neighbour. And she looks after the flowers. She’s a pain in my ass”

“ baby steps Tess “ she glanced over at him and he was giving her that look that said he knew something was going on inside her head “ you leave the house more now “

“ to my porch and back “ she mumbled not entirely wanting to get into that conversation. She was not in the mood to discuss her long hours trapped inside her house. And her head.

“ baby. Steps “ she sighed and ran a hand over her face. She was tired.

“ she wants to be my friend “ it sounded so unbelievably juvenile to say out loud. She almost regretted saying it

“ and… you don’t want that? “

“ no “ she said maybe a little too quickly

“ right “ she could feel him watching her, trying to read her as he so often did. The way only two people who had been together for so long could do “ I don’t think I believe that “

“ I’m not asking you to “ he sighed again, used to her stubbornness. Her bad moods.

“ you are allowed to have friends Tess. And… more than that. I don’t know what that girls intentions are, I don’t pretend to know how your mind works either. But if you really didn’t like her then why are you still lettin her around? Tess I know would’ve told her to fuck off and threatened her for good measure for even tryna talk to you if you didn’t like her “

“ you’re talking shit “ he laughed and shrugged

“ you’re proving my point. Tess. Just do something. If you want her? Go get her. Tess I know would. And if not? Tell her to leave you be. Cause this mood you’re in… it’s not nice to see “

“ ‘ the Tess you know’ “ she muttered under breath. She didn’t feel like that Tess anymore.

By the time she walked home she couldn’t tell if she was more annoyed by the entire situation or relieved by it because somehow Joel of all people had begun to put things into perspective for her.

Maybe it was both.

Though the annoyance was slightly winning out. She wasn’t soft. She didn’t like the implications that you were softening her. She was stronger than that. Stronger than you. She hadn’t pushed you away because Maria said she needed to be nice. That’s why.

It was.

Wasn’t it?

She felt a sudden desperate need to prove to herself that what she was thinking was correct. And not Joel.

She was not soft. She was in control.

She didn’t quite know what it was that compelled her feet to head up your porch steps rather than her own. Knocking on the door before she’d even fully come to a halt.

Waiting impatiently for you to answer, looking a little surprised to see her when you did appear.

She pushed past the threshold, watching you take a step back in mild confusion at her sudden intrusion, cupping your face in both her hands and kissing you. You stumbled for barely half a second, kissing her back with a muffled moan and your fingers wrapping around her wrists.

The confidence she was used to felt far more present in your space, in the four walls of your home rather than her own.

She pressed you up against the closest wall, kissing you like her life depended on it. Far more in control than she was a few hours earlier. Than she had been in a while.

And this was it. This was the familiarity she had craved wasn’t it? This was the power she had been missing, the ability to take what she wanted when she wanted it. Even when she wasn’t entirely sure it was what she wanted.

So why didn’t it feel the same. Why did it not even slightly fill the void in her chest.

You were breathing heavily as she pulled away to catch her own breath, a joyful almost dopey smile on your face. You looked so incredibly beautiful. Sweet.

She’d break you. She would. She knew she would. It was a vicious awful cycle. Anyone she got close to got hurt. Friend or… more. It would all end the same way.

“ this won’t end well “ she said quietly, not entirely meaning to say it out loud. The words escaping her as she watched you, someone so beautiful and kind didn’t belong with someone like her.

Someone who had not let the awful things that happened to them twist them into something unrecognisable. In the way that Tess had.

It would be a mess.

“ maybe not “ you answered, voice just as quiet “ but did you ever stop to think that maybe it will be okay? “

“ no “ you laughed softly, head leaning back against the wall and your eyes falling closed for a moment. She wished she could have such a carefree look. She didn’t think her face even knew how to relax into such an expression.

“ have a little faith “

AUTUMN

It had been over 20 years since her life had completely fallen apart. And a lot could happen in 20 years. A lot had happened. Tess was good at having bad shit happen and then burying it so deep down that she didn’t have to think about it. She was good at having a blank face when inside she was screaming. But in the end, one person could only hide so much stuff for so long. Eventually it would spill. And every now and again it did.

And when it did? It was suffocating.

It struck her out of no where. She never saw it coming.

Sometimes it almost scared her. Scared her that the stuff she had done wasn’t even the worst of what kept her up at night. She had no remorse for the people she had killed. Tortured. Those bodies and those sounds. They didn’t haunt her. The stuff that had come before that had damaged her beyond repair.

The first few years had been the worst. Before FEDRA had full control, before any rules were in full effect. When everyone ran rampant, when people looted and murdered because they felt like it. When groups formed and did whatever they wanted. To who they wanted. When Tess had been alone. Had left her home with nothing but the clothes on her back and ran. And ran. And by some miracle survived.

That time before Joel. Before the entirety of the group making their way up to Boston.

Tess didn’t get scared. She wasn’t afraid of things. But she had been back then. She had been so afraid.

So utterly powerless and out of control.

She tried to see the positives as ridiculous as it sounded. Tried to twist the shitty things that had happened. The shitty things that she had done. She had done them to survive. And maybe that scared her even more. That she felt justified in her actions.

That she could think back to certain people she had tortured. Killed. Ambushed. And justify it. Not feel as though she had done the wrong thing at all.

And that she would do it all again if she needed to.

She would throw herself in front of trucks feigning an injury. Just a poor, defenceless woman. Beg for help only for Joel and the others to spring from the bushes and take everything they had. She’d kill every man and woman that got in the way of her rise in the smuggling ring. She’d tortured ever last piece of information out of those fuckers who had taken Ellie. Murdered every. Last. Firefly. In that hospital.

All again. A million times over.

But her humanity was still in her somewhere. Buried deep down but there. And when it reared its head it was ugly. Filled with words to make her feel like the worst person alive. Fill her ears with the strangled cries of her son. The sickening sound of the blood that pooled in her husband’s throat.

It made her feel numb. Like she was floating. No longer in her body and desperately trying to claw her way back down to it.

“ Tess? “ she was too lost to react. Too deep inside her own head to even turn around and look at you. But she knew that voice. The voice that had become as familiar as Maria’s. Ellie’s. Joels “ Tess what are you doing it’s freezing out here “ your voice was soft compared to the voices that were screeching inside her head, soothing. Gentle. Quieter yet somehow speaking over the screaming ones.

Your hands fell onto her arm and she flinched, shifting away from your touch.

“ hey. Sorry “ you said softly, hands raised in some kind of surrender “ won’t touch you again “ the voices were still shouting at her, but a little further off now. Like she was on one side of the room and they were on the other. And wasn’t that interesting. Where in the past only Joel had been able to coax her back to reality. Ground her. Now you had. And she had known you far less “ can I sit? “ she gave a small nod and you sat down, leaving a small gap between you both.

Things between the two of you had been a little different as of late.

You hadn’t kissed since that day she’d barged through your front door and re established that she was very much the one holding the reins. But she was letting herself be lighter. Trying her hardest to open up to you. To go into town more. Smile back at people. And it was hard. And slow going. But she was getting there.

Baby steps. Like Joel had said.

“ I’m gonna go get a blanket okay? It’s so cold “ she listened as you went inside, returning a few moments later.

“ why are you here? “ she asked as you sat down beside her again, wrapping the blanket around you both.

“ I was out on late patrol. I saw the light on… was gonna come see why you were still up. Have a chat or something… you didn’t answer so I just poked my head inside and I saw the back door was open“

She gave a small nod and continued staring out at the backyard. She hadn’t really done much to it. But there was a rope swinging attached to the large tree at the bottom now. Ellie loved it.

“ do you need to talk? About anything? “ you asked quietly “ it’s what friends are for you know. Talking “

“ I’ve never been very good at friends “ you gave a small laugh and nodded

“ yeah. I figured that one out myself “ you shuffled a little closer to her, nudging her leg with yours “ you must’ve had friends at some point “

The ones that truly stuck in her mind were Bill and Frank. Frank would’ve loved you she realised very quickly. You were so alike. So happy. Made to see the positive in absolutely every single thing. Yet becoming friends with Frank had been far easier than becoming friends with you.

She’d been different back then.

“ I had. I had friends “ she started, realising in that moment that she had never actually spoken about Bill and Frank since they’d died. Her and Joel had done as they always had and refused to talk about it. Let it settle and weigh heavy until it began to dissipate on its own “ they lived a few miles out of Boston. Met them over the radio “

“ they weren’t in a zone? “

“ no. Bill… fuckin crazy been planning for doomsday his whole life. Had the whole town mapped out and wired up “ she actually cracked a small smile thinking about it “ Frank though. I think. I think he’s the closest thing to a friend I really had “

She missed him. She missed them both. And missing Bill was something she never thought she’d feel, even if he was more open to her company than Joel’s.

You listened diligently as she spoke about Lincoln. Dinners in the garden and Bills stash of supplies, the awkwardness that always lingered between Bill and Joel. The bi monthly drop offs that had started increasing in distance as Frank got sicker and Bill got older. And then finding them with Ellie. The silent moment she had taken in the garden to cry for her lost friends whilst Ellie showered and Joel fixed the car.

“ they sound like amazing people “ she shrugged and glanced over at you for a moment. And maybe it was silly of her to take so long to realise it. But maybe she had a friend in you, maybe more than that. Maybe she had done all along and had been too blinded by her own self loathing and moping around to truly notice it.

It was the early hours of the morning and there you were, sat on her porch steps in the dark. Listening to her talk. Comforting her. And she realised that you were exactly what she needed. In that moment and every other moment to follow. Your compassion and your calming force of a personality. The way you cared…. Loved even. Your stubbornness. Your loyalty.

“ thank you “ she said quietly “ for being here “ you looked up at her and smiled. That warm, sweet smile that made even the coldest of days feel mild. Tess was all sharp edges and bitter words, someone so soft should be keeping a safe distance to ensure they didn’t get cut. But you weren’t afraid. You never had been “ for everything “ she didn’t want to elaborate and you didnt make her.

She reached forward to cup your face in her hand, thumb tracing over your cheekbone. You understood her in a way it had taken Joel 20 years to. Some odd force of nature that wiggled your way through the cracks in her heavily guarded walls.

Her eyes drifted down to your lips. Remembering the hard, forceful kiss you had shared that one time before. The kind she was used to. The kind she was good at. She wasn’t very good at being tender and caring. Kissing and all that lead from it had long since been something she did out of care and love. It was a means to an end. A release. A way to remind herself she was human.

But it didn’t have to be that way anymore.

“ you gonna kiss me or not? “ you whispered. And it made her lips twitch into a smile.

Tess had kissed a lot of people in her time. And if she was perfectly honest she wasn’t entirely a fan. Kisses were not like how the movies or books portrayed them most of the time. Uncoordinated or clumsy, too much teeth or tongue. She didn’t care much for kissing.

But kissing you was different. Kissing you was like a shot of adrenaline straight into her veins. It was the closest she felt she could come to understanding why Joel had been so hooked on pills before Ellie. It was addictive.

But something had changed now. Some locked gate inside of her had finally clicked open and you had seized the opportunity to slip your way inside. And she surprised herself with the realisation that it actually didn’t seem all that terrifying now, having you there. Having those feelings and thoughts.

Of course there was still… something. But it was less so.

Holding your face in her hand, your willingness to let her lead and melt into her. With every soft and gentle movement of her lips against yours she felt herself slipping. Like when the winter storms would hit Boston and her worn down boots couldn’t find grip on the icy paths.

But this slip wouldn’t end with her falling flat on her ass and nursing a bruised leg. You were keeping her tethered. Your fingers that were looped around her wrist, your hair that was tickling her face.

It made her feel startlingly real. Alive. Present. Present in a moment in a way she hadn’t done all day, she’d spent the day drifting. Some far off place in her head where her demons scrambled over her and suffocated the air out of her lungs. But she was breathing fine now, breathing in air that was yours, breathing as if you were her air.

She kissed you until her jaw started to ache, not sure how long it had been or how many quick seconds apart to catch her breath there had been. But when she finally did let you go the fog that had been blinding her all day seemed to have disappeared. Everything felt as though she were looking through glasses that had just had the lenses cleaned.

Sharper. Clearer.

“ it’s really fuckin cold “ she murmured, causing a giggle to bubble past your lips.

“ yeah. It’s freezing “ you didn’t seem even mildly pissed that that had been her first words after practically kissing your face off. Instead you both silently seemed to agree to go inside, collapsing onto her couch and kissing some more.

Something had shifted after that. Had changed after she’d woken up the following morning on the couch with you.

She actively chose to be around you, even more so than she had been. Spent enough time with you that people began to murmur about it. But she found she no longer cared.

There was still an odd weight looming in her chest, one she was certain may never actually go away. But it was far lighter than it had been.

WINTER

Tess had always preferred winter to summer. Especially after Boston. She hated those sticky summer days. Especially in that apartment that was freezing in winter but a sauna in the summer, no comfortable in between. Days when she felt like the heat was suffocating her and every drop of water she drank sweated its way out of her within the minute.

Winter felt so much… fresher. She liked the snow and the opportunities to wrap up and be warm on her own terms.

Some people found it bleak. But she rather enjoyed it.

You seemed to like it too. Because you could use the cold weather as an excuse to be close to her. And it felt nice. To have you there, to have you wanting to be near her. Even if she was beginning to believe you were forgetting your gloves on purpose now so she would hold your hand.

The arrival of the winter months had brought along the silent confirmation that you two were… something now. Dating didn’t feel right. That word didn’t feel like it belonged in the world anymore. And there had been no real discussions of the matter, mostly due to her own refusal to mention it. And ‘girlfriend’… it felt a little juvenile. Even if was Ellie teasing her every fucking day that you were in fact her girlfriend now.

Jackson was starting to feel more like somewhere she could begin to call home. Riding back through the gates with Joel, watching them close behind her but not feeling that feeling of imprisonment anymore. Not feeling as trapped as the walls in Boston, but finally feeling safe.

She walked into the Bison, happy to find it slightly less crowded than it could be. She walked over to the bar, smiling at the guy stood drying off a glass

“ hey… she here? “ something in her still prickled with an odd sense of anxiety that she didn’t need to ask for you by name now. That they all knew who she meant. That Tess would not venture into the bison alone for anyone else, and that you would never be leaving with anyone else but her.

But she pushed it aside.

“ yeah she’s out the back. I’ll grab her “ she waited patiently as he disappeared through the door, glancing around with some still deep rooted fear that someone was watching her. She didn’t think she’d ever shake that. But she had to remind herself that no one there was after her. No one there was watching her to find her weakness and abuse it.

“ hey you “ you appeared through the door a few moments later and you greeted with that beaming smile of yours, looking at her as if she were the singular source of joy in your life. You leant over the bar and she met you half way, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. It was the kind of kiss that was… familiar. The kind two people in love shared without thought, something as simple and regular as breathing.

“ having fun? “

“ oh yeah. Making sandwiches, riveting stuff “ she watched you wipe your hands off on a towel before slipping your way out from behind the bar “ but I’d really like to go home now “ Tess nodded and offered you her arm without needing to be asked, your hands slipping into their usual place and huddling close against her.

It was getting chillier out, the sky had taken on that odd yellowy state that signalled impending snow. The kind of day that back in Boston would’ve been some forewarning of an impending low ration season. But there was no such thing in Jackson.

You spoke about your shift in the bison as you walked and Tess listened diligently, all the while silently musing over you asking to go home. And very much heading with Tess towards hers.

But. You stayed over more often than not now. Your things were starting to intermingle with her own, the space that had previously felt so barren and so disconnected from herself… now felt almost like a home.

There were some of Ellie’s drawings tacked to the fridge, her talent alone making the space seem a little more lived in. A few pictures had been framed now too and dotted about the place. Tess, Joel and Ellie over for dinner at Tommy and Maria’s. Another of Ellie pulling a stupid face with Joel looking slightly amused at her side. One of you and her, you beaming at the camera as she looked at you. Maria had taken that one much to Tess’ original dismay. But she was quite thankful for it now.

That was the first piece of you that had made its way into her home.

You had a toothbrush in her bathroom now. A spare jacket on the hooks by the door. A small box of gardening tools by the front door. A hand knitted blanket across the back of her couch.

You were in the air even. The air wafted of the flowers you adored wherever you went, you filled the place she had only ever referred to as a house into home.

And sometimes it almost made her want to laugh. Laugh at herself for what she had become. Tess didn’t take things slow like this. Tess didn’t let her space be invaded by someone else. Tess didn’t have feelings or let herself… love.

Which was exactly what she was feeling more and more these days. Which was completely and utterly terrifying but she found she was just letting it happen. Because she could. And because she was allowed to.

She wasn’t old Tess anymore. If anything she was beginning to feel as though she was slowly becoming more and more like the version of herself that had existed before an apocalypse had destroyed the world. The kind of woman that did date and did take things slow. That had girlfriends or boyfriends and wasn’t scared. Was care free and happy.

And maybe that was more scary than the fear she had felt at losing the version of herself that had developed over 20 years of hell.

She was beginning to think that nothing would ever be without fear these days. But she was working on it. And it was lessening.

And you becoming a permanent fixture in her house was part of that.

Quite often the nights ended exactly as they currently were too. With you walking home together, cuddling up together on the couch to escape the chill of winter.

And making out until she forgot how to breathe.

It had not been more than that. She hadn’t allowed herself to let it be. Had happily let you sit in her lap or let you pull her down over you and sink into the couch cushions. But she never let it progress.

She didn’t truly think about why and you had never asked it of her either. Until tonight.

“ why are you holding back? “ you whispered, pulling back from her slightly. Still close enough that she could feel your breath against her lips.

Why was she holding back?

Because you weren’t some random girl she picked up in the zone because she was bored and lonely. Because until you, sex had become something with little feeling. Something to do because she needed some human contact that wasn’t Joel stitching up a stab wound.

And it was funny, really, when she thought about why she was holding back. Why as much as she may have wanted to, as much as the old her would’ve gone and gotten what she wanted months ago… she hadn’t.

Because it hadn’t felt right. Hadn’t been the time. You deserved more than that. You deserved more than a quick, meaningless fuck off somewhere secluded because she wanted to feel like a human being again. No, you deserved more.

Maybe you still did. She couldn’t figure it out yet.

But what she did know, was if now was not the time then she would wait. She would wait a million and one lifetimes. As much as she knew the short serotonin boost would breathe some life into her for a few hours again… she would endure. Because when she really thought about it, that wasn’t what she wanted really.

She wanted you. Of course she did. Needed you. In every single sense of the phrase. You had been a shiny little light in her darkness, you had prevailed and endured her bitterness to discover something sweet hiding beneath.

And so you deserved the best. Deserved every ounce of love and compassion Tess could find deep within herself.

“ where’d you go? Hm? “ you whispered softly, fingers trailing along the side of her face and tucking an unruly strand of her greying hair behind her ear “ you seem… else where “

“ just thinkin “ your touch was gentle, fingertips somehow still smooth and soft. So different to hers, calloused from years of fighting and doing shitty jobs in the QZ. She felt too rough for you. Too sharp around the edges. Like her hold on you alone could shatter you.

She knew in reality you weren’t delicate. She had watched you shoot like a trained marksmen. Had seen you jump on clickers and stab them until you face was splattered in blood. Chop firewood for town like it was nothing. You were strong. Capable. And yet she felt like she could bruise you like a peach just by looking at you wrong. She was no stranger to your strengths, your capabilities. Yet to her? She felt she could always see you as breakable.

Fine China. Soft fruit. The petals of the flowers you cared so much about.

Soft and pure and delicate. Not made to be touched by the rough and ready hands of the likes of her

And yet…

“ thinking about me? “ you said it with a small laugh, half joking. Half hoping. She gave you a small smile, a small nod.

“ of course “ it came out so quiet she wasn’t even sure she’d really said it right away. But your warm smile told her she had. And you’d heard. And even now, even in that moment, she still took a moment to be amazed at that smile. Amazed that it was because of her. You were smiling because she was thinking of you. You were on her mind. And you liked that.

Her hands twitched slightly at their place on your waist. Almost involuntarily. Like they were trying to make her move, go ahead. Do… something.

You looked down for a second before letting go of your gentle hold of her face, sliding your hands along her arms and trailing your fingers over her wrists.

“ I’m not going to break “ you picked up her hands, moving them down to brush over your ass, your thighs “ you can touch me “ she was afraid she’d do something stupid like blush. So she kissed you again, gently tugging you close by her soft hold on your thighs.

Your hands slid back up her arms, over her shoulders, up to hold the back of her neck, your fingertips slipping under the collar of her shirt. Everything about you was soft. Precise and purposeful. She could practically feel the desire radiating out of your fingers. But also the care.

She hadnt been touched like that in… a while. Touched in a way that conveyed love. A way that was gentle. Caring. Deliberate and slow. Like you wanted to take your time, in a way akin to how you had behaved since you had met her. You wanted to know her. To understand her. To peel back the layers she kept pulling on to keep you out.

And maybe a part of her would always want to keep you out, deep down. Fear of the unknown. Fear of a vulnerability she was still learning to adjust to.

But she was adjusting. Had been. And it felt right now. Felt right having the soft weight of you on her thighs, having your gentle fingers rid her of her sweater. Felt the shame of her equally as raging desire dissipate.

It was okay. She was okay.

She watched your deft fingers carefully unbutton your plaid shirt, one that now she thought about it looked remarkably like one of hers. When had you taken that she wondered.

She let her hands slip over the bare skin of your waist, disappearing under the soft worn cotton of your- her? - shirt. There was a scar along your ribs, the kind that had been there a while. No longer angry and red but faded and soft. She ran her thumb across it.

“ chains “ you said, answering her unasked question.

“ the slavers? “ she murmured, still tracing her thumb over the long stretch of scarred skin. You hummed a reply, your eyes watching her intently

“ plenty of permanent reminders of those fuckers on me “ it still baffled her how you had endured such cruelty and appeared on the other side as gentle as you were. She wanted to track those fuckers down. Torture every single last one that had even looked at you wrong. And reserve a special place in hell for the ones who had left their permanent marks.

She leant forward, dipping her head and pressing her lips to the scar. Your chest deflated in a soft sigh as she did, ghosting her lips over the skin in some feeble attempt to replace the pain with care. Your fingers laced into her hair, silently urging her to kiss you some more. And she did. She kissed up your chest, breath stuttering embarrassingly as her cheek brushed against the cotton covered swell of your chest as she pressed kisses to your sternum.

Everything about you was soft.

She inhaled deeply, your skin smelt of that familiar scent of being outdoors. As if winter air had been bottled and sprayed across your skin like perfume. Something so usually mundane and common place, yet intoxicating on you.

She kissed up your neck, skin in flames with every single soft sigh it caused you to let out.

“ can… can I.. “ you said in between kisses, hands now fumbling with the button of her jeans.

“ not here “ she murmured, pulling away from your lips slightly reluctantly “ you deserve better than the fuckin couch “ that made you smile, head titling to the side inquisitively.

“ well aren’t you just a lady “ Tess scoffed, patting your leg gently to urge you to stand up

“ lady? You must be thinkin of someone else “ you seemed reluctant to stop kissing her, grabbing her multiple times on the way out of the lounge. Including a long pause on the stairs where she almost regretted suggesting you move. And seriously debated just letting the entire thing play out right there on the staircase.

She’d never really been one for kissing. But with you she couldn’t stop. She was obsessed. A woman possessed. And she was taking her time.

But she remained on track. Leading you into her bedroom and the bed she had barely slept in.

She sat down on the edge, watching you as you closed the door before turning to her. Leaning back against it for a moment.

You were truly something. Stood there in your jeans and your bra. Your mismatched socks and your ruffled hair. Lips kiss swollen and eyes watching her intently.

“ c’mere “ she said quietly, gesturing you over with a tilt of her head. You wandered over, coming to a stop in front of her and reaching out to cup her face gently “ you’re so fuckin beautiful you know “ she said, not entirely intending to say it out loud and rather just think it. But the blush that crept across your cheeks made her glad she had said it.

“ you think? “ she hummed a reply, her fingers trailing up and down the backs of your thighs.

She didn’t know what it was about having you there in that room. Her room. Alone. It felt so incredibly intimate. In fact the entire night had. She’d never taken such… time. Time to explore and to appreciate, to admire. And now to have you in bedroom, a room she had barely been able to step foot in alone since arriving in town. But felt almost at ease with you there.

It was a lot to attempt to process all at once. And so she decided not to. That it wasn’t the time to send herself spiralling into yet another pit of despair and dread, she focussed all her attention back to you.

“ you’re sweet “

“ I’m not sweet I’m honest “ you smiled again at that. In reality she was not an honest person. She was deceitful and not to be trusted by anyone but Joel. But you trusted her. And she was honest with you.

She was. You truly were beautiful. And she felt a fool that it had taken her as long as it had to stop and really look at you. Had spent so long despising your presence rather than admiring you from day one.

She slipped her hands further up your legs, cupping the denim clad flesh of your ass and pushing you forward slightly. You took the hint, stepping over her legs and placing yourself back in her lap. Your arms looped loosely around her neck.

She couldn’t resist diving forward, lips against your neck and teeth grazing your soft skin in a way that made the most delicious sounds leave your lips.

“ oh, Tess “ your fingers tugged lightly at her hair as she continued her gentle assault, hands wandering and desperate to touch as much of you as she could. “ I can’t take much more of this teasing “ you whispered after a few moments, tugging at her hair to make her raise her head.

Her fingers ghosted over the blooming marks on your skin. Blossoming spots of red and purple, marks of a gentle cruelty that had sent the most beautiful look of bliss to overcome your face. Yet another mark of possession on your skin, but not of chains and binds this time…. Of hatred. But of teeth. Of lips. Of desire.

Possession through the deep rooted need to keep you as her own, but simply to hold. To protect. To love.

“ Tess “ she wouldn’t make you wait any longer. She wanted to keep touching, to commit every single inch of you to memory. But she figured that she’d have plenty of opportunities to do so.

And she would give you anything you asked of her. So she would not make you wait.

Through a desire blurred haze she manoeuvred you to lay down, a blur of clothing making its way to the floor and soft moans as her hands ventured downwards.

“ no no keep looking at me “ she said, her voice as quiet as it had been since you’d lead her up those stairs, coaxing your head up from where you were hiding with her free hand “ that’s it I wanna see you “ you slipped a hand to the nape of her neck, pulling her down to press your forehead against hers with a small nod, lips parted slightly as she moved her fingers in soft circles.

She lost track of time. Of all straight forward thinking. The seconds and the minutes all blurring into a moonlit haze of body parts in her mind. She took her time, breaking you down and unwinding every single knot under your skin.

Nothing else existed outside the four walls of that room, just you and her. The soft lewd sounds of her fingers between your legs, your quiet whimpers and gasps into her mouth, the rustle of the sheets beneath you as you arched and writhed beneath her.

There was something incredible about having you there, foreheads pressed together as she hovered over you, something so… romantic. How your hands held onto her, fingertips warm like they were branding her skin. Isolated in that room in a newer way than she had been used to.

And when she finally brought you to your long awaited climax, she watched you intently. Admiring the beautiful way your face moved and contorted in pleasure, watching your lips part and your legs tremble.

You returned the favour once you’d regained your regular breathing pattern. Pushing her onto her back and leading a trail of soft kisses down her chest and her stomach, settling between her legs and sending her eyes falling into the back of her head.

Her back arching off the mattress and her hand twisting into your hair, relishing in a bliss she hadn’t felt in an incredibly long time.

And then you lay there together. A comfortable silence enveloping the room, only disturbed by the occasional kiss or soft sigh.

Tess’ fingers played gently with your hair, inevitably lulling you into sleep. And she took the time to think.

She realised that in the time she had lived there it was her first night actually sleeping in her bed. She glanced down at where you were sound asleep on her chest, the weight and warmth of you pressed against her keeping away any anxious thoughts that wanted to creep into her mind.

And she didn’t want to escape downstairs, didn’t want to run. To push you away and tell you to leave. That sleeping together was far more intimate to her than any form of sex act could be.

The thoughts didn’t come.

It had taken her meeting you to finally come to terms with what her life was now. And the things that she had done. That in the current climate there were really no good or bad people. Just human beings trying to survive. Do whatever it took to live to see another day. Doing unspeakable things to get by and trying to convince themselves afterwards that they had done the right thing. That they had had no choice.

And that was okay. She was coming to peace with that. She would never fully forget, but neither would anyone else. But that was okay. Because as long as she had you by her side, she was quite content in the knowledge that she could handle it.

That then come spring those flowers you had planted would bloom again and she would let her fears die with the frost.

Everything would be okay.

#I post this reluctantly #because you read anons have been so rude to me lately #unnecessary #tess servopoulos #tess servopoulos x reader #the last of us #tlou #tess tlou #tess x reader #Joel miller #ellie williams #x you #x reader #tlou fanfiction #Anna torv #tlou hbo

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