#i know i havent been around lately

[thejilyship]

Alright. Time to rewatch the hunger games bc I saw someone complain about the first movie again.

#not hp #the hunger games #i love the first movie so much #I'll write an essay i s2g #also hi #i know i havent been around lately

[heartorbit]

we get a little silly

#project sekai #pjsk #proseka #emu otori #prsk #i was SO sleepy yesterday after class i couldnt draw or sketch so i blocked this out of color very silly style #i love drawing like that and other artists make it look so good i'm not great at it but its fun from time to time. she silly! #nenes cardigan patch is a seashell bc i didnt know how to draw robot head. soz. #i will never miss emu heart hair strand. believe it. #my first class was late in the evening + ive been jumping around on all of my comms so i havent drawn mych personal. i sleepy #my semester staarted yesterday so my biweekly posts will become um maybe monthly who knows. more like whenever i wnat which is what i do rn #if youre reading this i wuv you. #the early birthday emu.. but she will get more. just u waits.

[kyurochurro]

exploring the woods with some little buddies!!🌿

#churro art #my art #illustration #digital art #tloz #the legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #legend of zelda #zelda #CAN U TELL I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO PLAY THE GAME YET.... BHDHSHDD #ive been trying to stay a bit spoiler free so like #clearly this is drawn from the perspective of someone who doesnt know how the game works yet LOL #anyways i mostly wanted to experiment and play with colors and shading! ive been superrr busy lately but i still wanna draw HAHA #I like the coloring but im conflicted on the bg #i didnt want a blank bg again but i didnt envision this as a fully background rendered piece #so i just kinda made it foggy and pastel-ish so the focus can still be on link LOL #to be honest theres stuff i wanna fix but i was stressed out at the end of this drawing #like for example the koroks being too small but i cant fix it now T_T #i couldnt save the file ; had to move the file around tol make sure i wouldnt lose it ; other stuff frustrating me and stressing me out HAH #but anyways i like how his face looks! im proud of the nose hehe #before hobie and atsv i realized i kinda fell into chronic sameface with my bigger pieces #im always tryig tomake my stuff the best it can be so ill def be working on changing that aghhhh

[slavhew]

Duwang gang

#jjba #jojos bizzare adventure #jojo's bizzare adventure #jojo no kimyo na boken #diamond is unbreakable #jojo part 4 #diu #okuyasu nijimura #josuke higashikata #koichi hirose #admin draws #fanart #a bunch of sketchy sketches because i havent been feeling like rendering anything #and have also been looking at araki's sketches a lot to figure out how to draw them. josuke's hair will be the end of me #also i was super bothered that his jobros dont have earrings so i gave them some because theyre epic and deserve them #this style is super fun to play around with so expect more at least until i get bored or struck with enough inspiration to render #might be a hot minute because i want to post sketches in bulk like this more often #oh yeah this is like a late edit but ! everything is platonic ! i enjoy all of their friendship sm ! #nothing against the jos/uok/u shippers i just dont see them like that :') the intent here is platonic but you know #death of the author and all that. not gonna riot or anything but id still prefer this to not be tagged as ship

[pinstripe-doodles]

Finally got round to doing this on the last day of the year !

#pins talks #summary of art #wouldnt say ive improved or anything significatly anyway but ive gotten slightly more confident ! #made my grand start in properly making merch stuff with my standees this year !! i love making standees #remind me to upload photos of my ourflag ones sometime #ive been in an ourflag hole for the past year or so though so im hoping to do more OC stuff next year #hope that wont put people off too bad haha i still wanna do some ourflag stuff though ! wanna make more ourflag standees for sure #also hoping to redo/reopen my etsy next year ? we'll see i suppose but ! trying to be hopeful #thanks for everyone sticking around i know i havent been very active but drawing has been so slow for me lately #hope you all have a good year next year !

[the-deadlock-south]

good morning yeehan community

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #cole cassidy #yeehan #art tag #im lying it's like six o'clock it's well in the evening now #also i finally drew OW2 cass :) idk if ill ever get used to everyone getting thicker beards but ig i have four months until OW2's launch so #BUT ANYWAY i've been MIA from the internet and i'm only just now learning there are charms in OW2??? and cass gets hanzo's lil bottle??? #OW really gotta step it up after the #wait who were the gays that got confirmed recently #yeah them anyway OW really better step it up after THEM this aint enough but i guess its a start #this shit been going on for six years if yall dont just jump right into the bush and stop tiptoeing around it im losing my mind #i was gonna draw a mini comic of cass just being a dork and hanzo being Himself but i have a pounding headache #plus i really havent been in the drawing mood as of late however i felt a responsibility to at least doodle something with this #anyway hanzo thinks its stupid and says so In Hanzo Fashion but cass knows better #hanzo's always had a funny way of saying he loves something Is What Cass Is Telling Himself #there's a junkenstein joke here #idk theres a lot of potential with this dinky little charm but Again. Head Hurts #also hence the very sketchy and I Dont Give A Shit RN nature of this scribble #so forgive me everyone i can only give something subpar #i hope someone does better than me #but for now im gonna go lay down or something- maybe have dinner #my head's REALLY killing me

[effervescentha]

The Amazing Digital Circus Spoilers

I thought this on even my first watch of The Amazing Digital Circus, but even moreso on rewatches, that there feels like a pretty deliberate parallel of "abstraction" with suicide. Part of that comes from what abstraction equates to in the story, but another part comes from how the characters experience and talk about it.

Ragatha talks about abstraction without naming it, later explaining that what she was talking about was referring to it. Her exact wording immediately makes the clear tie in of abstraction and sanity, playing back to the jokes earlier around "going insane."

There's obviously the mentioning of a breaking point and losing sight of why you're even alive, but there's also a very clear distinction of losing sight of who you are. Identity plays a piece into how it works, and that shows up again later.

In the intro, it says "Disclaimer: Kaufmo did not show up today." When they go to find him in his room, they have to break in to enter, and they find him in the form of a (seemingly) mindless monster. The walls are scrawled with the word "EXIT," over and over and over, with a few exceptions.

Besides the exit scrawlings and the drawing of Caine, there's two other lines: one being a message saying "WHAT DID THE EXIT SAY TO THE CLOWN?", and the other being a couple separate scrawlings of a response- potentially the punchline- saying "NO WAY OUT."

All we really know so far about Kaufmo is that he was a clown that was obsessed with making the others laugh at his jokes, and getting upset when someone would fake it. We don't really know much else about how he thought or acted besides it, and yet even here it shows that his obsession with the exit bled into everything he thought about- even his jokes began to revolve around the exit. We only know about one thing he actually valued, and that thing was overtaken by the obsession to leave. There's an implication there that Kaufmo might've already found the fake exit- or one like it- and what it "told" him was that there was "no way out." It's possible that that was the straw that broke the camel's back, but we don't really know yet.

The last thing of note- and the thing that prompted the thought in the first place upon my first watch- was what Zooble said after Kaufmo's abstraction was dealt with (...by throwing his body into a pit of various other abstracted bodies),

The choice of the phrase, "give up." It's a very deliberate turn of phrase to not only imply a choice, but is also often used interchangeably with "quitting" or "lost" when discussing suicide. Obviously, not a healthy way to view the concept in the first place, but it's sadly a relatively common practice.

The X's on the doors in the living quarters and the other abstracted bodies imply he is not the first, nor will be the last, and it's something the cast is already well acquainted with- which, makes sense, seeing as they have a name for it. But the specific implication of showing it as a loss of both body and self is something I definitely want to keep an eye on. Due to the genre being a psychological horror, I'm already VERY invested in how they'll use this for storytelling in the future.

#the amazing digital circus #TADC #amazing digital circus #kaufmo #tadc kaufmo #tadc zooble #etc #havent talked about tadc here yet but ive been having a minor autism around it lately #like a category 3 or 4 autism #tadc ragatha #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #if theres a better tag for that lemme know- havent used it before #I also havent been active in the fandom so if this is very common knowledge... oops #also: the whole messaging of the exit/false exit/no way out is a big theme #which means that life and being alive kinda comes with the theme territory #but I didnt get into that cuz this post would take forever

[rabble-dabble]

A Karkat who isn't out to his friends about his blood color yet has to go to John to get patched up because all humans bleed red and thus John wouldn't think it's weird that he does too.

question but is it homoerotic to patch up your fellow friendleader so tenderly when he trusts no one else to and also linger your touch but only slightly subtly so as not to alert him to your pining gaze?

#homestuck #hs #john egbert #karkat vantas #johnkat #answered #anon #evil john anon #doodleart #'rabble the bandages are around his chest does that mean he's trans-' YES. YES IT DOES. ALWAYS #i have never binded my chest this way so sorry if it looks off!! #BUT I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS AYOOOOOOOOOO #this is so tender to me btw. john gently wrapping him up. touching his shoulder while karkat looks away. karkat being comfortable (kinda) #to have his back turned. GAH #also sorry for not answering for so long!!! i think im in an art block. that or im depressed. #(the answer is both LMAO) #ive been trying to get healthcare for a while so i can set up stuff like therapy and getting diagnosis. and work has been on my ass #truth be told tho i just didnt have the energy for anything...creative lately? #i havent really had a bad dip in my mental health like this for a couple of years now so this is kinda hard to cope with #but just know im not forgetting this blog i promise!! art may just come out way less now #but im still trying so dont think im gonna drop and disappear lmao

[sneez]

various fairfaxes and a drawing from my english civil wars hiking au which i never posted :-) [id under cut]

[image description:

the first image is a digital drawing of a group of men on a light brown background. they are all wearing hiking-appropriate clothing. from left to right: a young man swinging from a tree; arrows pointing at him read ‘weirdly passionate about hiking’ and ‘like 15′. a man leaning against a tree; arrows read ‘grumpy’ and ‘only here for family bonding with father-in-law’. a man with a cane and one arm in a sling, leaning over to read a map; arrows read ‘has injured himself on every hike so far’ and ‘designated driver’. a man reading a map with a serious expression; arrows read ‘annoyed about everything except hiking and sometimes also hiking’ and ‘only one who can read a map’. a man with his hands on his hips looking at the viewer; arrows read ‘arranges hikes and then doesn’t go on them’ and ‘good at arguing’.

the second image is a collection of four digital drawings of thomas fairfax, a man with long dark hair, a moustache, and a beard. he is wearing seventeenth-century clothing. one is a full-body coloured drawing of him sitting in a chair facing away from the viewer with his legs folded and his hat on his knee. the other three are uncoloured: two are headshots of him as a young man and an older man, and the third shows him sitting at a table reading a piece of paper with an expression of concentration.

the third image is a coloured digital portrait of thomas fairfax as an older man. he is clean-shaven and has long dark hair and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing a dark doublet and a large white falling band, and is looking to the left of the image with a serious expression.

end image description.]

#artwork #fairfax #and others! theres a bunch of blokes in the hiking one #basically the concept is it's the english civil wars but instead of having a civil war they are rival hiking groups. and they compete with #each other over hiking trails and such. i never drew the royalist group but i was imagining them to be the Official hiking club and the #parliamentarian one started because there was drama in the royalist club so they started their own #and now theres drama between both of them. hiking drama. #ANYWAY thats from last year i cant remember why i never posted it but here it is now :-) #the other ones are much newer (for the most part) i did the coloured sitting fax yesterday #the last one is based on a portrait i came across recently which may or may not depict fairfax in 1664 (the identification is questionable) #and i still havent made my mind up whether or not i think it could be him or not but i was So excited about finding such a late portrait #i knew i had to draw at least something inspired by it. i cant even tell you how i excited i was i almost exploded #for context the latest portrait we have otherwise is from 1650 so if it is actually him it is a Very Big Deal #but i dont think we will ever know because the identification has been rejected by the metropolitan museum of art :-/ alas #of course it could be raised again in the future but i dont know if anyone would care enough to do that. i would obviously. but otherwise #oh for the first one from left to right it's lambert ireton fairfax cromwell pym #i dont know if the writing will be legible given how much tumblr crunches images but We Will See #i hope you are all doing well my dear friends :-) it has been so nice to get around to answering messages today i have missed you terribly #edited to add image descriptions! sorry i didnt do that earlier my apologies

[vahrutasgrace]

#{ o o c; taking off the c r o w n } #{ sorry I havent been around much everyone!! } #{ been pretty busy lately and alas... being an adult comes first } #{ ill try to get to things when I can! just wanted to let peeps know that im not dead lol }

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[hecksupremechips]

The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules

#the klock keeps ticking #i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter #cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟 #a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts #and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it #plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice #i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of #commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out #but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just #wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts #aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally #i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is #and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route #cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet #its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately #and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing #and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god #like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better #she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years #like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex #and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn #and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset #rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions #and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand #that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good #character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let #her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’ #but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make #everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED #ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING

[krispiecake]

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

#i am trying ao hard not to fall back into old habits rn but jesus CHRIST brooooooooo #i havent been able to get barely any time with the staff i need for the past two days and now #theyre like 40mins late with my meds bc of another tenant #and its not even like theyre WITH the other tenant rn btw there are two members of staff sat in the office just talking #and its like bro. BROOOOOOOO #like they know this shit is SO triggering and i know they cant help some stuff but i still feel like i should be able to get my meds on time #if they arent actively with another tenant #its such a small thing but it helps my brain remember that actually they do still care abt me lol #all ive wanted to do since like wednesday was just watch a movie with my fp now that we’re cool again #and i was waiting in the lounge for like an hour and no one even came in #and its not like we planned anything so im not mad or whatever im just frustrated that #i had a rlly shit night last night and a pretty shit day today #and there just isnt anyone around to talk to bc theyre all dealing with someone else #or not even just sat around talking or whatever #idk this shit makes me wanna punch things burn everything to the ground and then kill myself if im being totally honest rn #and like last night and this isnt my therapists fault or anything but ahe wasnt able to pick up #and i managed to get thru it but it just added to the feeling like no one gave a shit #and its past nine again so she probs wouldnt be able to pick up now even tho i kinda need help again #idk this shit just. its so fucking triggering and i feel insane and so tightly wound #and ive been putting so much effort into my stupid therapy and i just wanna let go and have a full on meltdown again #i wanna take a bunch of pills and scream and cry and throw things and argue and just LET GO #cuz i feel like thats my ‘true nature’ and everything else is just me faking #or masking #AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT ITS SO MUCH EFFORT AND I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING NOTHING BACK

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[llumimoon]

👀 (any dndads au you feel like sharing, lovebird! hope you're having a wonderful day btw 💜💜💜)

Hehehehe HIII HAPPI <3 I am having a wonderful day tysm!! :D I hope you are too <3

I'm trying to think abt if I have any aus that you don't already know about BWCEUAHAHAAH and im not sure how much you know abt the most recent one I've made

OOOH I have got this one fantasy AU I haven't touched in a while but I think would be really fun to revisit sometime! <3

The idea is that there's this ancient curse that's been unleashed on the land creating this magic rot that's slowly been devouring forests, towns, and eventually maybe even whole kingdoms! The rot can overtake animals and people, warping them into dangerous mirrors of their past self, this AU's take on doodlerization. the sauce if you will <3

Taylor is a member of the royal court of the Kingdom of Hell (son of the first prince Nick) and Link is his loyal guard and bestie who keeps him from dying in their shenanigans and escapades. They have a silly goofy, I've known you my whole life and I will die to protect you bc you're the person dearest to me also ur a dumbass who's stupid as fuck, energy going on <3 friends to dumbasses to lovers <3

Normal is a regular villager who recently happened to score an apprenticeship with the castle healer! Apparently his dad knew someone in the court and managed to pull some strings, wonder what that's all about. (spoiler alert: its pretty important and he's also secretly royalty but doesn't know it)

Scary is an amateur witch <3 She saw her mom start dating the castle wizard and was like FUCK THAT GUY AND HIS STUFFY BOOKS. BET I COULD DO THAT BUT BETTER AND COOLER AND LESS NERDY. So she's been sneaking off to practice magic with rudimentary materials and a few nicked things Terry left around their cottage.

Turns out Scary has a natural talent for certain parts of magic because she accidentally stumbles upon a prophecy outlining the world's possible end unless a certain group of people go to the ruins of a lost kingdom to stop the rot. And when she finds out who those people are she's like FUUUUUCK. bc now she's gotta find a way to sneak into the castle to somehow find these losers, one of which is apparently a PRINCE !! and then they've all gotta go out and not die on an adventure or else EVERYONE'S gonna die. and like she can't be bothered but also ig it would be kind of cool to shove it in her stepdad's face that she's more awesome than him and saved the world so. off she goes!

Hermie's the second prince who is often overshadowed by his older half brother. He happens to overhear the group talk about the prophecy around the time they're preparing to leave and tags along to prove his worth to his dads and also have people pay attention for him for once goddamn !!!!! also the healer boy is kinda cute <3

Cue super fun goofy and exciting magical fantasy quest !!! Secrets are revealed! Bonds are formed! Possible corruption? MAYHAPS! Also where even ARE the ruins of the kingdom of Oakvale no one seems to have heard of it at all! All while the rot continues to spread....

#ask #happi-tree #cal rambles #dndads #hehehehe thank you so much for indulging me <3333 #i know i took a little bit to respond sorry abt that <- i tried thinking abt aus to talk abt then i fell asleep and had to do hw #you know all my big ones already n lately ive mostly been scheming w/ nyx abt aus so im hesitant to call them my own without mentioning them #so my brain blanked i was like Uh. UH. HEVEGAJAHAHAJA #there are some little fun ideas i plan on elaborating on later i think!! havent told anyone abt em yet so hehe they're some fun bonuses #angel n demon au !! link's an angel taylor's a demon #i was thinking scary could be a fallen angel its just been normal i've been stuck on LMAO #bc i've been thinking abt how fun it is with how link and taylor have p clear angel demon imagery to me #while scary and normal feel more... in between? like yin yang type not all good not all bad #thought it could be fun to play with the idea of. Scary very recently fell as an angel due to Willy's influence #versus Normal who comes from a family of fallen angels ('corrupted' by the Doodler) but is trying to redeem himself and his family as well #with a storyline playing with the concept or morality and clearly defining good and bad with angels and demons #good omens style LMAO <3 Link and Taylor as an angel and demon DO remind me of Crowley and Aziraphale #Demon who's got a little too good of a heart to be evil and an Angel who's a little too much of a bastard to be purely good #ALSO been playing around with the idea of a fae au teheheehe #anyways rhat angel demon one really got away from me LMAO #its been a passing thought these past few days but i havent thought up like an actual plot line just alignments #so i havent mentioned it #WILL GET TO THE OTHER AU ASKS BTW EJWBAHAHAH #im jusy a VERY wordy rambler so it may take some time </3 #long post #HELP almost forgot that one #me n my walls of text <3

[this-doesnt-endd]

I dont need these things but i wanna get those like finger pulse oxygen readers and the like blood pressure wrist cuffs. I dont need them i go to dr appts all the time and ive never had issues but like all of a sudden i feel like i really need them and i need to know these stats daily

#we technically have a blood pressure cuff my mom wanted one and then we kept it around before we knew i had sezuires cause we #were worried cause id just have episodes and nearly black out so my dad had me check it a lot #but its the arm one and i dont know how to use it #also ive been like worried a lot lately abt getting seziures which idk why cause theyve been very controlled for like year n half 2yrs now #so theres no reason i should be concerned but i am and i think taking my vitals everyday would make me feel much better #cause like nevermind the fact i havent had a deep breath in like 5 years and im constantly lifting like many many pounds of stuff #all at once all day long and like getting a workout essentially my slightly elevated heart rate means im just gonna like #drop to the floor n black out or like explode or something like theres no reason i need to be taking my pulse like 10 times a day #but it makes me feel better and i will give into that #much like spraying my house with lysol constantly or having to do my door lock routine like 3 times a night it makes me feel better #and i will totally give into that #like thats relatively normal i feel like #i wore a watch for like 2 months straight cause in my mind that was the only thing preventing nuclear war and like i dont wear watches #like that but alas i had to cause im built different (incorrectly) and it was my job to prevent nuclear war #wow im so normal about everything