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wh6res · 3 years

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one more time | markhyuck

"if i'm going to teach you how to fuck her right, you’re gonna need the best seat in the house, markie!" — lhc

warnings. dubious content, swearing, bondage, voyeurism, masturbation, exhibitionism, mentions of stalking, fingering, oral (f receiving), degradation, there’s a knife (but no knifeplay), a threesome, implied kidnapping

disclaimer. i dont condone anything. this isnt a normal relationship. this aint love.

note. prolly going to hell for this but who cares. markhyuck for @nakamotocore i wuv ya ie please get better soon! TT and dom hyuck for my napaka kalat na mami @donghyukcore

against all rational thinking, haechan is getting bored from seeing the pathetic five feet distance between you and mark when he comes home. he tries to understand the other male in the relationship. truly, he does, even if he highly doubts that celibate little mark lee can pleasure you the way he can but everything's practically past that line now. donghyuck just wants to have some fun with you two, is that too much to ask for? at this point, he's blatantly ignoring the fact that you and mark don't even like each other.

but haechan cares for mark just as much as he cares about you and he won't just let his best friend miss out on all the fun things he can do to their little doll, right? what kind of a friend would he be? once haechan shoves him into a world of temptation and sin and pleasure, mark would kiss his self-induced celibacy goodbye.

plus, you've been awfully naughty these days.

talks about wanting to come home or getting at least a few rights to have gadgets were the only thing you said whenever you see him. it went as far as practically growling and running away from haechan when he tries to initiate something with you, screeching your lungs out and saying, "don't fucking touch me, you creepy little psycho!"

deflowering mark.

punishing you.

he'd be killing two birds with one stone.

he's fucked your stubborn little self into submission once, but all that overprivileged tv sessions might've put silly little ideas into your dumb little head again. alas, no worries, he'll just have to do it one more time. and maybe, now with the aid of his good 'ol buddy mark, they'll both be able to screw you up so good you'll never want to leave their clutches.

"gumdrop, can you come here for a second?"

haechan isn't deaf to the exaggerated groan you let out from the living room and it grates on his nerves how utterly brave you are for being passive aggressive. you reminded him of a little girl in a temper tantrum because they weren't given any candy - and when you show up in the master bedroom clad in your little pink dress, eyes upturned and sharp, a pathetic little girl was all he can think of when he saw you.

only now did he notice that you had even detangled your hair from the intricate braids haechan spent at least twenty minutes doing earlier this morning. where was mark all this time? why wasn’t he there to stop you? geez, you both are so going to get it, this time!

"what do you want?"

"can you give me a hug? i felt awfully stressed at work today. i need my little gumdrop."

this was obviously a test. don't get him wrong, he'll still punish you but if just this one time you learned to swallow that bitchy attitude and come crawling to him as the perfect lover should, maybe he won't be too harsh.

but he gave you too much credit, he thinks. of course his dumb cockwhore doesn't know shit. of fucking course, you wouldn't know it was a test. not when you scoffed, rolled your eyes at him, and spun in your heels to walk back to the living room.

"beat your meat with your own hands, creep."

haechan's reaction is immediate, his long legs allowing no delay in crossing the room to mercilessly fist your hair. he had pulled your hair so bad you thought it was going to rip right at the roots, all of his pent up anger due to your poor behavior channeling into that one grip.

you feel his scoff of disbelief against the curve of your neck as haechan pulls you flush against his body. "what the fuck did you just say to me?" he laughs patronizingly. "beat my meat with my own hands – aw, baby! that has got to be the best one yet!"

it truly was, though. he's not going to lie. out of every vicious snarl and hate-induced words you said to him, that particular offhand comment takes the cake. seriously, sometimes haechan thinks you're deliberately trying to make him furious – gumdrop, if you wanted to be fucked silly, all you had to do was ask.

he hurls you to the mattress, breath knocking right out of your lungs. before you can even sit back up and crawl away from haechan, he's already crawling over your body to sit directly on your stomach, fiddling with something on the headboard. you nearly scream in frustration, no matter what you do, you just can't throw him off of you!

"i don't know why the fuck you're behaving this way but it's gone too far. one more time. do i need to fuck some respect into you, one more time?”

a new wave of motivation surges through you when you hear the familiar click clacking of metal. your eyes widened just a fraction, the only thing that gave away the unease quickly seeping under your skin. if not for haechan's perceptive eyes, he would have missed it.

he merely used one hand to grip both your wrists in a vice. "no!" you squirmed, tossing and turning and trying with all your might to get him off of you. "no! i don't want that – not the cuffs!"

he loops the respective bands around your wrists with practiced ease. the last handcuffs he used had torn and marked your skin, something haechan wasn't fond of. only he can paint your bare skin with colors.

thus, he bought newer ones. the bands were a bright shade of red, connected to each other using a medium sized chain that loops around one of the steel wires of the bed, and the little bells attached to the bands ring with your every movement.

haechan knows the bells drove you crazy. its incessant ringing driving you up the wall as you couldn't keep your hands still whenever he fucked you to oblivion – he knew how much you loathed the sound of the bells, all the more reason for him to enjoy.

and mark, too. speaking of which…

you stubbornly pull at your bounded hands, glaring at the man before you as he studies your state. the corners of his lips curl up at the sight of you struggling. "you always look so good in red, gumdrop."

before you were given a chance to reply, he stormed out of the room with a sense of purpose bounding his steps. "lee donghyuck!" you screamed. "fucking come back and get me out of these, you pervert!"

he can hear you thrashing in your chains and yelling profanities from a room away. where was the demure girl he turned you into after only a week living in the apartment? though funny enough, the blood in haechan's sadistic side rushes in excitement at the prospect of wiping that glare off your face. it wasn't the fear, nor your submission that gets him off. it was the idea that he can and he will break you down no matter how many times you try to build yourself back up again.

he's not too sure whether he's going to eliminate that dirty mouth you've developed, though. because you did make him snort in the most unattractive way when you told him he can fucking jack himself off when he had been merely asking for a hug. this aggressive side you developed is… nice. he can work with it.

"can you ask your play thing to keep it down?" mark hisses, flinching and making an offkey sound with his guitar when a certain screech from you caught him off-guard.

haechan smiles.

"why don't you shut her up?"

it took a good few minutes trying to talk mark into stepping into the bedroom where he's got you chained to the headboard, but alas, haechan can be persuasive if he wants to be.

frankly, the younger man is sick and tired of hearing both of you bicker – it's no wonder you've developed a sharp tongue! it's all mark's fault and yet it's haechan that has to do the dirty work of setting you straight all over again. you're a tough cookie to crack, someone hauntingly immune to the violence and chaos.

and yet…

"you don't – don't seriously plan on doing this, do you?" your eyes go back and forth between the two males, primarily addressing the younger, devil-spawned male. haechan, ever observant, picks up the light tremor in your voice.

haechan had uttered a playful "if i'm going to teach you how to fuck her right, you're gonna need the best seat in the house, markie!" before forcing the older boy to sit by your side, mark's thighs grazing the temples of your head as your eyes awkwardly flutter up to the spectator.

mark couldn't deny he was intrigued by the emotion reflecting in your orbs. when your eyes met, it was a silent plea, he just knew it was. and unlike vulnerable and helpless you, mark, to some extent, still had at least some sense of freedom to him. he can choose to walk away, to stop haechan from trying to get him laid, maybe even talk the other boy into postponing your punishment.

but he'll do no such thing.

not because he has a moral compass (he doesn't, really) but because mark knew firsthand, there's no stopping haechan once he sets his mind into something – and right now, if that boy wants to punish you and use mark to fulfil his exhibitionistic fantasies then that's what'll happen.

your bottoms were the first to go, haechan's blunt nails digging into your skin as he pulled it down slowly, patronizingly, while watching bemused at your squirming. "this is how you know she needs a reminder," he says, addressing mark. "a good princess should take whatever's given to her like a good girl but if she's being an ungrateful brat –"

you flinch when he harshly smacks your thigh.

"– she gets what’s coming for her, right?"

there's a second's delay with mark's reply. haechan didn't mean for the question to be rhetorical, he wanted an answer from the other boy.

"right, mark?"

"r – right…"

haechan laughs, flipping the skirt of your dress up. "what, are you that excited for pussy that you're stuttering? that's cute."

you hear mark intake a sharp breath when haechan dives in to give you feathery kisses in your inner thigh. he always starts off this way, after figuring out this gets you wet way faster than simply kissing you.

as haechan starts talking, lips lazily grazing over your skin, you fight hard not to utter a single sound as you pull on your chains. "listen carefully, markie. do you hear those whimpers? she likes it," you feel the prickles of his sharp stare. "she's just too much of a fucking brat to admit it. go on gumdrop, your fighting spirit makes this all the more interesting."

you hate the patronizing tone he used as his hands trail higher, and higher until it's pinching at the bud of your clit. and against your whole being trying to keep your lips sealed, alas, it parts and creates a soft whimper that has mark stiffening next to you.

haechan lays his tongue flat against your folds. you weren't in the least bit wet yet to accommodate his size, but that's easy. he merely circles the bud with the tip of his tongue before pushing two fingers in. months of standing in the shadows outside your window had made him memorize the movement of your fingers whenever you pleasured yourself.

he felt the jolts of the bed as you shook your head side to side, trying with everything you can to hold your moans in. a corner of his lips can’t help but curl up. "what, gumdrop? too shy to lose yourself because we have an audience? don't worry our celibate little friend over here seems to like it. go on, give him a show."

too lost in the ministrations of his lips and fingers, you don't see haechan meeting eyes with mark, nodding at an object lying on the bed side table. you can only shudder when the cool tip of a knife presses against the base of your throat, hooking under the collar of your dress as mark slowly rips it off.

but haechan doesn't have the patience. "dude, give that to me. at your phase you'll get her naked tomorrow. let the tip cut her skin, the bitch deserves it anyway."

you scream when he drags it unceremoniously down your front, narrowly missed tearing at your navel. there are a few pricks of pain here and there for when the knife accidentally nicked your skin. he sure was ruthless as can be. why did you even bother acting like a brat, cursed him out, when it gave you no benefits whatsoever? did he unknowingly transform you into this sick little masochist that thrived on his sadism?

"no."

it was a defeated whisper. the last of your resolve turning into dust as the breath escapes your lungs. why did losing feel so heavy in your chest? you don't notice your arms slumping, nor your head nodding off to one side, the weight of your horrible reality sinking into you once again as if you had only been kidnapped yesterday.

but it had not been yesterday. it's been days. weeks. months. and the last time you sneakily got ahold of mark's phone and searched for your name, the last news clip or article published about your disappearance had been three months ago. that only meant one thing.

they weren't looking for you anymore.

just like that the world continued, other people's lives continued. all the while you're stuck here, rotting in the arms of your captors.

haechan's face emerged in front of you. he smiles and you would've believed he felt an ounce of guilt if not for that wicked stare in his eyes. "you've always been most beautiful like this, gumdrop. the hope disappearing in your eyes upon the realization that no one's coming for you anymore – i love it. i love you, my pretty girl."

he placed a chaste kiss on your forehead but he might as well have shot you straight in the heart.

there was no warning, nothing to ready you for the sudden intrusion happening on your bottom half and it was so bad, that it made you shut your eyes, hands wrapping around the chains as tears started falling across your cheeks.

rough fingers reached out and wiped them away.

something felt off.

the fingers were too calloused, opposed to the softness of haechan's nimble fingers. and while the aforementioned male had more length than girth, the person who's thrusting himself inside you is the complete opposite. he's stretching you out too much, not even bothering to give you time to adjust when he's already bucking his hips like an animal.

"shh, it's okay. i'll take care of you…"

this wasn't haechan.

and when you fluttered your eyes open to see mark's boyish little face, you can't help that look of betrayal painting your features. at least you only had to deal with one obsessive, sex-deprived freak. now, you're not so sure if you can handle both of them.

how foolish of you to think that mark's self-induced celibacy stretched far and wide when in reality, he was also just a boy with his own needs. a slave to his own temptations.

how cruel. so, so cruel.

in the back of your mind, you were thankful haechan cared enough to properly get you in the mood or else you would've been staining the bed sheets red by how deep and frantic mark’s thrusts were. it felt like he wanted to tear you in half.

"if i didn't know better i'd say you're experienced, markie! i wouldn't fucking know you're a virgin by how much you're humping her like a dog.”

curse him and his dirty mouth. his constant degradation is making it easier for mark to slide in and out of you, and a proof for that is the lewd slick sounds echoing in the room partnered with the older male's deep grunts – a complete opposite of the pitched, whiny sounds haechan makes.

'gumdrop, come on! be noisy with our first-timer here just how you're always noisy with me, yeah? don't be such a killjoy." the pout in his voice is evident, coming from the side of your ear.

you wish you had never turned your head, otherwise you wouldn't have to see him pumping his own dick in his hands right in front of you. the glare you shot probably looked pathetic, what with all the tears streaming down your face and your little theory proves true when you see his mouth quirk up to the side.

"i fucking hate you."

"mark, fuck her harder, wouldja? until she learns her fucking lesson."

the disturbed stare you gave him does not slip his notice, his hand's pace turning erratic, spurred by the slick sound of your walls, skin clapping, and mark's broken whines.

make him stop, your eyes said. please.

but haechan only shoots you an innocent smile before shaking his head. "didn't you tell me to beat my meat with my own hands?"

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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Only One God For Me

(Part 2 of Love Never Wins)

SUMMARY: After blowing up at him afyer weeks of hiding out you challenge Loki to hand to hand. Blowing up might have been the best thing, it could help you let off that frustration you had built up.

Characters: Nat, Clint, Thor, Loki, avengers on the side line.

(Loki x you, clint x you, Thor x you, Nat x you)

ANNOUNCEMENT: I didnt know how much part 1 was going to be but I am forever greatful in this amazing community! Thank you guys SO much! Check out my other stuff too if you like this. As always reblog, ask, comment, and like! After I finish up here I'll be back to writing for Fire and Ice. Thank you again so SO much for everything! 💚💚💚

Loki Master List

~~~~

You and Nat were standing at one end of the training area as Loki walked in. You glanced up from Nat wrapping your hands and noticed he was wearing his normal traing gear. Plain leather black pants with a dark green Henley, his hands already wrapped.

"Focus, your getting distracted." She said yanking on one of the straps.

"Ow. I cant help it Nat, we went from cant keep our hands away from each other to literally fist fighting each other. Ya know this is normally frowned upon is normal society." You streched your fingers out and balled them back up streching out the gloves a little.

"Hunny, even in a perfect world were anything but normal. I mean for god sakes your fighting a literal god. You remember what I taught you. Right?" She asked looking almost terrified for me.

"Yes mother, I havent forgotten. This is gonna be a piece of cake." Inside you were freaking out. You normally was in a very high spot with your bow or normally trying to break into the computers. You wasnt normally in hand to hand combat, but you were smarter than to think you would never need it.

You turned shaking you head and putting the mouth piece in your mouth. Hitting you fist together jumping back and forth getting ready. Loki just stood there smirking. You was gonna smack that smirk off his face.

"Hey sis, Im not saying you cant beat him just be careful. He throws a nasty left hook." Clint said munching on some chips."Thanks, Hawk. Mind explaining why the rest of the team is here?" You mumbled around the mouth piece.

"Thor, definitely Thor." He said walking back to the small group that gathered.

"Sweetheart. Are we gonna fight or are you just gonna stand there chit chatting?" He called across the mat.

"I'm coming." You walked across the mat to the center. Someone hit a bell signaling for the fight to start and he jumped toward you. You dodged his first attemped and circled him slowly. You could read his every move, read where he was going next.

You took a defence stance that Nat had taught you from your training before he lunged again. This time you managed to upper cut him in the side knocking some of the wind from him.

"Oh you little minx. I figured I would take it easy on you but we can play your way also." This time he took a step back centering himself. Looking up you noticed he had a dangerous look in his eye.

"I didnt invite you here to take it easy on me, I invited you because you dont take anything serious. Because if someone like me can beat you in hand to hand then anyone can." You stepped closer to him gauging what move you was going to make next.

He dropped down to the mat attempting to sweep your legs out from under you, he missed one but caught the other causing you to fall. He jumped on top of you pinning your hands above your head. "Now this positions brings back memories." He whispered to you causing your face to turn bring red. You brought your leg up able to wrap it around his waist and slammed him back down to the mat gaining some advantage.

"This one also." He smirked. You raised your fist above you aiming for his face. Whem you brought it down he moved his head causing you to miss. It felt like forever that you were both on the mat neither one gaining aginst the other. A busted lip here a bloody nose there. When the bell rang for a break Nat was in your corner with Clint offering you some water and a rag ti wipe the blood off.

"Sis, I'm try in real hard not to grab an arrow and stabe him with it." Clint said from one side. You could see anger in his eyes.

"Hawk, its fine. Given the circumstance its all good. Its just training in a matter of speaking. Anger is mostly wunning but I got this. I was trained by the best. I'm not even tired." You took another drink of water before going back out to the mat.

"This is fun. I have never seen my brother trying harder to win anything in his life." Thor shouted across the room. "Lady y/n is quite good at sparing. We must fight sometime." Thor laughed.

A few more rounds when and you could feel the weight of the afternoon but you wasjt about to simply throw in the towel just yet. You knew you could get the best of him. You had thrown him back on the mat then he took his feet placing them on your chest shoving you off of him. Before you knew it you were surrounded by multipuls of him.

"Loki we agreed no sedair! This is cheating!" You yelled at them.

"God of Mischief and lies sweetheart. Besides we're in weird predicaments all the time. You said so yourself. Tell you what. You find the real me and I'll forfeit." One of the clones said. You stood up in the middle of them all focusing everything you had on concentrating, ignoring Clint yelling in the background and the rest of the group shouting.

You opened your eyes zeroing in on one closest to you and walked up to him.

"Are you sure your right about this decision?" It mocked.

"Yeah. I think I am." You brought the ball of yoyr fist up crashing it into Loki's nose. The rest of the clones disappered as he fell to his knees in front of you. "You are a complete and utter asshole Loki Odinson. I hope that it messes with you for a while that you got beat by a mortal." You started unwrapping your gloves as you walked away.

Over the next few weeks you avoided every living space in the tower that you knew he would be in. It had truly hurt you that he had cheated during the fight. You still couldnt understand how just months before you couldn't keep your hands off of each other now you were both avoiding each other like the plague.

"Miss y/n. Team has a mission. Tony wants everyone in the confrence room dressed and ready in 15 minutes." JARVIS called pausing your movie. With a roll of your eyes you walked to your bedroom to start getting ready. Pulling out your tight skinny jeans a black tank top and your zip up hoodie you French braided your hair and grabbed your bow case before heading down.

The rest of the team was gathered when you walked in and placed your case on the table opening it up to make sure everything was right. Streching out the strings and making sure the sights were spot on aiming them to the other side of the room where Loki stood.

"It would be more effecitve if you had an arrow." Clint whispered next to you.

"Shut up, I'm just making sure everything is right." You put it back down in the case and started going over your arrows.

"You realize we have a place you can put that when your not using it." Tony said walking around you.

"Right up your ass if you suggest that again." You laughed putting everything back up.

"Love the enthusiasm kid." Tony laughed walking to the front of the table.

"Ok Team, going to be a long few days for us. Just got some Intel about a caravan carrying some explosives across the Scandinavian border. Gonna have to divide into teams for this one. Hawk, Nat, Strange, Rodgers, Bruce, and Thor you'll be starting at the meeting point and working your way toward us. The rest is with me." Tony pulled a map up on the big screen showing where you wwre going.

"Oh come on, why cant I be with the A team?" You asked with a groan.

"Sorry kid, gotta divide it up right. One god for each, one Archer. Only fair. And even if you two hate each other you guys work good together." Tony shrugged.

"Yeah sorry kid." Clint laughed.

"Hey I'm a full three minutes older that you. Probably explains why I'm better. Whatever. I'll go pack my stuff." You huffed standing up.

The next two hours seems to drag by, it was freezing here. You was just ready to get this over with so that you could go back home and relax in a nice warm bath, you pulled your jacket tighter aginst you.

"I've told you many times that you should start wearing the uniform that they gave you. You'll freeze to death one day." Loki said taking off his cloak and putting it around your shoulders.

"Thanks, but I'm still pissed at you." You hugged it closer. "I hate the whole uniform thing. To tight to revealing."

Another few minutes pass before Tony gives everyone the heads up that your about to be over the caravan. Figuring you were warm enough you took the cloak off and handed it back to him. "You may still be pissed at me but I do still care very deeply for you y/n. I was an idiot for everything." He took it and wrapped it around his shoulders. When his fingers grazed yours there was a surge that went through you.

"Give me time. You really hurt me, not just by breaking up with me but by lying to me during training. Good luck out there God of Mischief."

"Tony, your gonna have to get lower i cant get a clear shot on the driver!" You yelled over the wind whipping around your face. About that time a diffrent arrow shot through gettkng the driver in the side causing the vehicle to completly stop.

"Gotta be faster than that sis. One for me." Clint laughed over the com.

"You are my least favorite person right now Hawk." You mumbled. Tony brought the Quinn Jet down so your team could spread out.

"That is truly saying something my dear." Lokis smooth voice said in your ear.

"You gave me your cloak to keep me warm. Gave you a fell points." You pulled back again and shot it through the truck behind the first hitting the driver in the head. "Got one, Hawk, your next."

"Can we cut the chatter. Got alot going on in the sky at the moment." Tony said. Youbcould here something firing above you looking up you could see Tony being followed by a jet firing at him. "Need some back up guys. Twins. Anyone."

"Hawk. I need a Boom Boom stick." You met him in the middle of the road.

"I really wish you wouldnt call them that." He said handing you one. You both pulled your bows back and aimed. "Heads or tails?"

"I like the tails." You let go of the sting and watched as the jet exploded.

"I think she can call them whatever she wants as long as she keeps doing a good job keeping bogies off my ass." Tony yelled over the coms.

"I hate this. I cant see shit down here." You yelled over to Clint. "I gotta get higher." You looked around eyeballing the turnes over truck. You threw the bow across your back and started climbing up the truck. Shots rang around you one grazing your side, before it had started it was like it stopped looking behind you you noticed Loki with his daggers in his hands.

"You need to pay more attention y/n." He scolded you.

"Why pay attention when I have someone keeping an eye out for me." You smiled.

"Oh darling Im doing more than just keeping an eye out." After everything that ass had done to you he was flirting FLIRTING with you.

"Y/N! No. More. Gods." Clint yelled. From here you could see everything going on. Nat fighting two men, you took one out easily from your spot. She shot you a thumbs up. Bruce had hulked out throwing things everywhere, multiple times you had to dodge something flying your way. The fight was almost over when you glanced behind you noticing four men backing Loki aginst a turned over car.

His hands were up as if in surrender. "Loki why arent you using your sedair?" You mumbled pulling the bow back.

"Well darling you could say that I am in on of those weird predicaments. I've exahusted alot of my power down here." His back was aginst the truck now.

"Could let him get beat up." Clint pipped in as you shot one of your last arrows though two of the guys standing there. You watched Loki easily take out the other two.

"Told you Hawk, I'm not like that." You smiled walking over to Loki. "Although you could use a little practice in hand to hand, dont you agree?"

"Only if your the one practicing with me he smailed down at you.

"Ugh! Y/n! No mo-" Clint started before you pulled the com from your ear.

"Only one God for me." You leaned up kissing Loki on the cheek.

~~~~

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#loki avengers #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki and thor #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki x you #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #mcu loki

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mademoiselless · 5 years

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F l u x

"Still in love with the idea of loving you, it's a state of flux, and it's not enough."

It was actually your idea though, — the freaking "temporary break-up".

Your mind was a mess and the thought pops out of your mind all of a sudden. Sure you love him, of fucking course you really do, but some things lately were really getting out of hand.

"What do you mean?"

It was the fifth petty argument you two had in a span of a month and it started to get on your nerves. Lately, he's like being out of the loop, his patience short and distant. At some point, you've actually became paranoid and thought of what if he's being like this on purpose because he's falling out of love? What if, God forbid... he's cheating?

"I-I think it's best if we cool down for awhile."

Your words, you wanted to take them back as soon as you spill them. You saw how his face fell, furrowed brows started to part calmly as he sat on the couch, his breathing stills. At that time, he looks like he was contemplating, thinking.

"Okay."

Okay? Was that it? Were you that easy for him?

His face blank and emotionless as he stoods up, sighing and gathered his backpack on the floor. Hearing the front door shut, you fell on your knees and sobbed quietly.

The first couple of weeks without him was okay. No calls, no text. You got yourself busy for college and finally have some "me time" but at the end of each day, your mind couldn't help but to still wander about him. How was he? Is he doing well? Was he skipping dinner again?

At the college, every once in a while you'd passed by him at the hall and tried so hard not to steal glances on him only to fail misserably. He was with his friends, all happy and unbothered. You heart sank a bit yet you were glad he's better—but better without you.

Perhaps you were right. Spending some time away from each other will let you two reevaluate yourselves, and Jaehyun seems like he already did.

It's been a month since your partial break-up and for you, everything's like still hanging, unaswered and missing. School works already took its toll on you, deadlines here and there were constantly making you stressed, but at some point, let you supress the loneliness deep inside you and get yourself distracted from the idea of him.

You lie on your bed at night, letting tiredness thoroughly consumed you to sleep. You're slowly dozing off when you head knocks from the front door. Thinking it was just your neighbor Rose asking about some missed assignments, you opened it without a do and almost shut it close when you saw who actually it was.

"Hi."

Lesson, never ever open your doors without knowing who's on the other side, you might end up getting murdered.

"I'm here for something I forgot."

Liar. You've never seen any of his belongings since the last time he left your dorm a month ago but despite of being confused, you eventually let him in without saying anything. Unlike you, he seems good, fine, you guess, and of course still handsome as hell. Suddenly, the room smells like him all over again slightly making you feel giddy and dizzy.

"How are you?"

"Im fine. Just a little tired and sleepy. "

Trying to make everything short and simple, you replied not even sparing him a glance, just so he can go and you can finally sleep in peace but then it hit you. This might be his chance to officially break up with you.

You were about to turn back to your room when you heard him uttered your name for the first time in a while and you swore you almost broke down right there and there.

"Can we talk?"

You two really did end up talking, both of you sat at the either side of the couch comfortably but with a safe distance. He sat straight, back resting on the cushion while you were facing him, legs cross in an indian sit with a pillow on your lap. Apparently he's the one who did the talking the most while you just nodded. You were surprised by his actions, he talks like nothing happened, as if it was like just a normal routine with him were he talks about his day, his life at school. You really tried your best to remain composed in front of him, deep inside, you were actually still a mess. Leaning on your elbows, you plopped them a top the pillow and let your head rest on it as you listen to his deep baritone voice. You heard him chuckle to whatever he had mentioned about this one friend of him and you swore you felt your heart made a slight leap on your chest. You let him blab more as you pretend to listen attentively but in reality you're just staring on his perfect face like you have been hypnotized.

"Hey, are you still listening?"

"No."

It was a quick, straight answer to his question and you noticed how his pout and frown were slowly formed making you smile a bit. He never changed.

Temporary break-ups were somewhat made to give each other a breathing space and time to think but for some, they made it as a chance to escape. Turns out you have done the latter and now you're suffering from it.

He was still grumbling childishly when you reach for him oh so suddenly, his face in between your warm palms that he yearned the most. You mindlessly leaned down tilting his chin to let your lips meet. His eyes were round as saucer as you recall, taken a back from your sudden move but you didn't care. You kissed him slowly, taking his bottom lip in between yours. It took him some time before you felt him respond, gently, he pulled you closer, settling you in his lap with your legs on either side of him. For like a split second you pulled away to breathe but he chased your lips, deepening the kiss. His fingers wandered to your hips, tugging you down closer to his and you sighed unconciously through the kiss. You felt him card your hair in between his fingers, letting him feel and relish you, letting him take control. At that time, you felt yourself soaring again, you felt loved, you felt secured yet again.

Everything was overwhelming you, the emotions, the frustrations, the anger, the love. Suddenly you were so scared to lose him and you really hated yourself for only realizing it now. How can you become so stupid and reckless? You almost lose him.

Before anything could escalate further, Jaehyun pulls away, caressing your cheeks gently.

"Babe, why are you crying?"

You didn't even realize you were already shedding. He leans in again kissing your both tear-stained cheeks, making your eyes flutter close.

"Jae I'm so sorry-"

"Sshhh... Dont be."

There you rested yourself on top of him, savoring his warmth, scent and presence that you've been badly missing.

"I told you before that I forgot something in here, didn't I? "

"Yes. "

"This. I forgot this here." He points a finger to your chest.

"When we were apart I've been incomplete."

And so you were.

"You are the missing piece of me... "

"... and I left this here. I left my heart here with you."

"Still in love with the idea of loving you, it's a state of flux, I just keep holding on."

#jung jaehyun #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun scenario #flux by ellie goulding

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

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EPISODE FOUR

“ ‘something will be unleashed’ are u gonna start KILLING PEOPLE??” - saira

HOH: Nick UPSIDE DOWN: Emma & Kiki NOMINEES: Monty & Saira POV: Jev FINAL NOMINEES: Monty & Saira EVICTED: Saira (1-0)

JOSH C

well, we just voted out GINA and i'm feeling some kind of way about it. i feel like the push to save emma was VERY quick and i think there are a lot of alliances going on that i'm not involved in which is FINE but it's just something i need to watch out for. i know i talk with almost everyone constantly so i think i'll be okay for this week, but i'm just worried about the people that i enjoy.

a lot of people have said they don't talk to saira or brianna so i wouldn't be shocked to see them both go up, which is FINE i guess but i enjoy both. i don't want saira to leave at all but i don't think she has as GOOD of a social standing as brianna does. which is worrisome because i know this is her first game so she doesn't have any pre-existing relationships to save her which is.. not ideal.

i'm finding things a BIT frustrating because i have to navigate not ONLY game thoughts but people's pre-game relationships. not that i'm knocking anyone for them but almost everyone i've talked to says they don't talk to monty but they wouldn't want to see him nominated. i just don't FULLY understand why we can't nominate him but they're friends with him so he's a bit UNTOUCHABLE. i might push it anyways because he's the only person i don't really talk to anymore. WHO KNOWS.

i've felt like a deflated balloon for most of today so maybe i'll just go with the flow on this but i need to make sure i'm not just voting out all the people who will be votes for me later on.

ARIA

Im small, bitter, and very angry...but spite is the best motivator and im going to use it to win this season. Anyways i miss saira im SICK of trusting nicks, i see a nick i FLOOR IT!!! I refuse to have a nick fuck me over in a game again i am so over it. But hehe anyways lets get into the info spilling section real fast and then i can analyze because my position has drastically changed from last time-

also sorry for repeated info but sometimes i forget things or people say it again so..

-nathan leaked "all" his alliances to me (Screensht is cut weird i think theres one he cut off)

-Jacob found out my gina connection

-perfect voting record is dead (told jacob i voted out gina tho idk why hehe)

-kiki-joey connection

-emma knows about bri's backups because jake leaked it to her before he left

-josh c IS EVERYWHERE

-nick says they havent talked to bri

-nick likes jev

-nick wants (more so wants others) to take a shot at kiki/nash

-nick said nathan is a wildcard

-joshua nommed monty and nash

-STOP UNDERESTIMATING JOSHUA

-told josha jacob is protecting him

-joey exposed saira's deal to me and bri

-joey wants a larger alliance

-bri said they like nick,,,but that conflicts earlier info so im thinking peer pressure or just bri is too sweet for this cast and i adore her-

-bri told nathan her noms

-nathan hates bri and for wHAT??

-jacob has a dpov and used it to cement a f2,, AND DID THE SAME THING WITH BRI FFS

-jacob scared of nick and jev

-kiki and nash tell everything to jacob

-jacob said emma and joey have a connection??

-jacob thinks nick is gonna join the emma jev joey side (his words)

-jacob thinks monty is a threat

-jacob ranked the players in tiers as follows:

A kiki jev bri

B joey joshua nathan

d: nash saira monty

-bri talks a lot with kiki and josh c

-told bri about the trio between jacob kiki and nash

-joey told me yesterday he wants to win,,,but then just said to take him out

-planting seeds against joey to bri

-jacob wants to bring dpov up with alliance at f10

-joshua and jacob were shook saira was evicted

-told jacob that joey asked to throw

-jev and jacob are getting closish

-jacob is so threaten by nick

-jacob told bri that nathan doesnt like her

and thats where im at currently. Lots of options and lots of interconnections I have to navigate but i think im gonna be fine for the time being which makes it super easy to just be complacent and float my way to jury BUT!!! I want to try setting myself up well where i dont get clocked at f9/10 and wabam im out. Im trying to set people against each other subtly but honestly i think im overestimating myself here but at least i know im safe. I mean for now im trying to set up this side of jev emma joshua to at least form together as a group but im STRUGGLING i might just have to settle for them keeping each other safe without a solid alliance ig. At the same time I think i really have two actives pieces of info im working with which is emma knowing about bri's backups and then me and bri knowing about jacob's dpov.

So i think what I want to happen is that Jacob wants to dpov nick out at f10 so i'll let that happen probably which puts a huge target on jacobs back, idk if its anon but if it is ill make sure bri leaks it kinda framing it in a "if you leak it and i pretend to not know i can analyze how other people respond so we'll know what everyone thinks" and once jacob leaves emma can leak the bri's angels (which should be weaker at this point since jacob is the glue that holds it together a bit) which #1 makes a bunch of good players house targets and then forces those people to solidly stick together as well. Not sure how im gonna play both sides but,,,,if i can play it off kinda like i did in pasio somehow maybe i'll be fine but who knows. Either way im here to have fun (and hopefully win for gina/saira)

WELL WELL!!! just did a vc with jacob, he decided to take matters into his own hands and be totally cracked and now thinks nick/monty/nathan are a side,,,,which,,,,idk yall nathan did show me all of his alliances and none of them were that but who am i to stop jacob from making himself a target by leading this charge against them uwu. I do need to be more proactive about leaking tho but im not sure how im gonna work that. Also im not sure if i want nick/monty/nathan all gone, i can live with monty gone bc they probably think i nommed them and might want revenge but also nick and nathan are kinda cute numbers for me,,,

I mean idk because at this point i have a game relationship with mostly everyone left in this game and im just not sure which path i need to take to get to the end yet and its kindaaa stressing me out a little bit. I can feel myself starting to drop in peoples trust rankings a little bit and god its kinda annoying how jacob has this game wrapped around his finger, however i dont need to be in a dominant position this entire game i believe in myself!! I got this easy peasy!!!

JEV

My reverse psychology paid off and I won the veto so I'm loving that for me, I'm not going to be using it because I'd preferably like to see Monty leave because I just... never see them and I think Saira is much more deserving of her place here than Monty is. It's frustrating that Monty is cruising through this game so easily because we haven't spoken to eachother since day one, and they haven't even bothered to come and speak to me to campaign for me to use the veto. Like, do you want to be here or not?

Thinking about it more, I'm super happy I won the power of veto. I managed to ensure myself and those I'm closest to in this game weren't going to be named as renom and kept Monty up there as a final nom, which I'm worried otherwise wouldn't happen during this game since people seem either threatened by Monty OR a little over-eager to keep him around in this game, which annoys me but whatever. I just hope whoever wins HOH has the balls to make the right decision, better to get him gone now rather than later.

JEV

So I think I've had a little bit of a brainwave/breakthrough. This is gonna be longwinded so hear me out.

Apparently from what I've heard, the nominations this week were revealed in order of who recieved the least to the most nominations from every

one. This is extremely interesting to me, as I've taken note that Nick, Aria, Jacob & Brianna were 10th-8th in the rankings of votes respectively.

First of all, I haven't made secret that I think something is going on with the Pasio alumni. This was highlighted when I was asking around for what people were doing for nominees, and from everyone I heard Saira/Monty, but from two people I heard Saira, Nash, Joey & Monty -- with Monty strategically placed last in the ranking, to give the illusion his name was the least uttered. Funnily enough, the two people I heard this format of the names were Nick and Aria who just happen to be Pasio alumni... interesting, right?

So looking at the ranking, I'm thinking "okay so they obviously didn't do eachother, and with Nash/Joey in 3rd and 4th respectively, they must've not expected so many votes on Monty and didn't plan accordingly, and so split the votes too much and didn't have enough to put up Nash or Joey over Monty. So I'm thinking, I know there's a connection between Jacob and Monty because I used to play orgs with them on Skype. Jacob used the veto on Brianna last week, this has brought me to the conclusion that Monty, Nick, Brianna, Jacob & Aria are working together with the possibility that Josh C is either playing both sides or is fully with them too, hence why he recieved the least votes.

That places Myself, Emma, Kiki, Nash, Joshua, Joey & Saira on the outside, and Nathan too as I'm guessing he's strayed from their alliance and/or wishing to work with them, hence why he recieved 5th most votes.

I'd love to make an alliance with this group of people, but it's still only pre-jury and I don't want to be seen as playing too hard too soon.

(cont.) So I initially wasn't going to go for this HOH, but I feel like I need to because I can't trust anybody else to make the move to take Monty out, and I'd rather see their numbers thinned sooner rather than later. It would paint me as their #1 target for next week probably, but if someone I trusted won HOH next week then I could go to the upside down and not have to worry about it.

JEV

Yes again I'm so sorry, another thing that was interesting to me was that I mentioned to Aria that I was close with Emma, and she asked for an alliance with the 3 of us almost immediately after, stating that she was also "very interested" in working with Emma too. This tells me she's the mole and wanted the alliance to try and get intel from us, I don't believe for a second she did Saira/Monty along with me and Emma at all, which is why myself and Emma are hesitant to say too much in that alliance chat. So I like Aria, but I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL__dyRaq2E&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=5&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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kthhykwak-blog · 7 years

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April 5, 2017 is when my life completely turned around. Ive been feeling different ever since I came back from China in 2015. I graduated in Shanghai for high school and came back to Cali for college. I started attending ACCD. It wasnt the college i hoped to attend but it was the best college i got accepted to and my parents were so proud of me. I honestly was kind of excited but at the same time I was just doing it for my parents. I hated the idea of disappointing them. My first term there was utter hell. I couldnt have a social life and didnt realize i was falling into slow depression. Thats when i started smoking a lot. Normally id finish a pack within almost a week but from that moment, i had started going through two packs a day. I didnt care or think about my health because it helped me relax and do my work. Then when that wasnt enough, i turned to alcohol for the buzz. I just wanted to feel good. At first it was to help me with homework but after a month i was so dependent on it that it became a habit. I couldnt stop. Spring 2016 i became very sick in the middle of my term in which i took a medical leave and kept it a secret from my parents. By the time i got better, i had already missed two weeks of assignments and classes, it was nearly impossible for me to catch up. Thats when i started going out to Koreatown to drink with my friends. It made me forget and feel good. Something i hadnt felt in a very long time. I just wanted to feel free and happy again and alcohol helped. So it became a daily routine. I would pretend to go to school, come home, get ready, and leave for another night out. Some days Id come home drunk. Others, id crash at a friends place. By Summer 2016 I couldve considered myself an alcoholic. All i wanted to do was drink away my problems. Then i started getting close with an old friend Sanghyun. We started smoking weed together to the point i would be high 24/7. I never wanted to be sober. Id stay over his place as if it were my place. I became so comfortable staying there it felt like home. I enjoyed having him. Wed drink and smoke weed everyday. If we werent drinking, wed be smoking. As time went by, I started hanging out with another friend more but it was mostly for sex. His name was Michael. I was always comfortable around him and I considered him to be a good friend even if weve only known each other for a good month at the time. I started hanging out with Michael so much, i completely neglected Sanghyun. I felt bad but i guess i felt sex made me feel less lonely so i decided to stay with Michael. Again, i stayed at his place and it became home. At this point i was never home. Fastforward, i started growing feelings for him and as time went by, he asked me out and now he is my current boyfriend. The year started off great. He was my everything. I started to change to my old self because of him. I stopped drinking and smoking weed. But i did fall pregnant Jan 2017. We found out on Valentines day. It was of course a huge shock because it was unplanned. Long story short, i told my parents on my birthday because we planned on keeping the baby. But things went completely downhill from then. I cried everyday and later decided to go through with the abortion. I remember this day so clearly. The day before i was so angry. My mom had sold my car. I couldnt let go of the fact my parents forgot my birthday. I got into a fight with everyone around me. I was just so angry and frustrated because everything was happening so fast it was hard to keep up. And i knew depression was coming my way. My boyfriend came with me to the abortion clinic. It took a good half day and i remember seeing the ultrasound. My baby boy has grown so much. He was moving a lot and i could see his feet. I was 13 weeks in. When they told me to take the pill to open my cervix, I hesitated. In that moment i knew i didnt want the abortion and i wanted to talk to my boyfriend but i decided to just do it because i thought about my mom telling me to be realistic. So i did. I put the pills in my mouth with tears in my eyes. They later called me for the surgery. I dont remember the procedure because i was under local anesthetic. But i do remember after. I was very drowsy and i sat in the recovery room and started to cry. I saw blood coming out of my vagina and knew i just made the biggest mistake of my life. I know if i had the baby, i wouldnt have been able to give him a great life and if he blamed me i would be able to take that pain because the pain i felt after and now is far much greater. Somedays i cry thinking about it somedays i dont. After the abortion, my family and i werent on great terms. Long story short, i got kicked out. I have no money, no car, nothing. But i knew i made this choice to be with michael. And i was ok with it. I gave up my life for him. I do miss my family a lot. I wish i was still with them. I havent stopped crying since my birthday because there was one problem after another. I was living a great life but now im questioning if i made the right choice. I apologized to my family for acting the way i did and still after a couple days, no reply. And it hurts. I know i screwed up real bad. And i will never justify what i did. But i do wish they would still talk to me. I love my boyfriend even if its been offically 3 months. I can say he is the love of my life. Hes the first boy worth me wanting as my boyfriend. And i cant see my life without him. But these days, ive been questioning myself because of the way hes been treating me. I feel like ill never be a priority to him even after i gave up my life for him. Hes always putting games, friends or something before me and it hurts a lot. Not because i want attention from him all the time but because he knows what i went through to be with him. And still he continues to act as if nothing happened. And his mentality is not to dwell on things but how can i not? I just gave my life up for him. My car. My house. My family. Everything. And he hasnt been able to give up the one thing that means the most to him. Games. Not even just giving up playing games but give up some time to spend with me. He said games were always there for him but so was my family. A game is a game and family is everyone who loves you and would do anything for you and i gave those people up for him. I just wish hed take me seriously. And i know my house is always open even if they changed the password. If i was willing to come home and stay theyd let me. But i just want him to understand the sacrifices i made for him. I will forever miss my baby boy and i hope he knows i still love him forever and that im so so sorry for hurting him. I wasnt strong enough to keep him and i wish i was. It will forever be the biggest regret and mistake i will ever make in my life.

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its-alright-life-goes-on · 7 years

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Sis' Nozi I remember a part of my childhood that I have seem to have forgotten, a one with Christ, I don't know why I keep thinking that I recently started walking with Christ. I have always walked with Him, its just that its only now that I am older and after a ton of mistakes and heart aches that I can actually see clearly. I remember when I was in my 7th grade. Good Lord, i don't remember my class teachers name though, but it was my second time being in a black school, I had to relearn my home language cause i lived with non-blacks and was in a white school for some time.

So this was after I had to learn that I am no longer a virgin that I got raped and I was learning to live with my wounds. And then, I also was in a place in my life where i had fought to live with my mom, whom by the way was working night-shift, so even though we were living together, she was not around. I think thats part of the reason why I am the way I am. The reason why I am so distant even though I am with people. I have gone through a lot of phases in my life oh God. So back to Sis' Nozi. I met her through a Christian programme at my school which was called "Scripture Union". It's amazing how much when a person follows thier calling and pursues the manifestation of their vision how many lives they can touch, not only that but how much of a legacy that seed becomes to someone.

So, here i was in this school with people who had a love-hate relationship with my accent. I was very yellow, counted amongst the most beautiful girls in the school with long hair (not the longest, my cousin had that, and thats an amazing story cause we had an amazing connection with each other and we did not even know that we are really family up until we parted). But anyway, my intelligence was there, it was confused though cause I kept cahnging schools and programmes were different. You would find that one school is ahead of the other and that I would have to catch up and then you would find that the cylabus in the other was behind and that would slow me down, I would be the best, but in reality I could do better if I was amongst those in my league. So i was the best amongst people who were not even competion. Then i would start slacking cause i was ahead of everyone, not having anyone push me to the next level or challenge me. It was not a comfortable place to be in cause I was losing my drive.

Then one day I met this black woman, who wore long skirts and had a beard. Everything about her was masculine, even her voice, but then she had this loving smile. See I was at the vurge of making fun of her but then I could not because she was loved and received but everyone else with so much warmth and I just knew that there is something about her that I was missing.

So then she went on and spoke about God, I do not remember what she said exactly but I knew that she loves God and a part of me just wanted to get to know her and her God so much. I wanted to get into her world. Something about her presence made me closer to something greater in me that I did not know existed. I just got drawn and drawn into her so much. She then introduced her crew, and I knew two of the people there, who were Siya and a guy called "Daddy". They were all just bachelor so I had no idea why he was called daddy and I was also running away from my dad who had a restraining order against me at the time. So life was kinda weird and I was being introduced to something weird. So then I remeber her telling us about a camp that we as the school were supposed to have. Prior to that, the school had a camp and I was never really allowed to do anything by my mom. I mean there was an excursion to Cape Town as the school when I moved in mid-year and I did not know cause well I was a week old according to my mom and quite frankly that was the best time for me to go because I needed to know the people more, but my mom had her own frustrations and I just had to understand and not question her. God bless her heart. So then, when this opportunit came for me to go to the camp, she had no right to deny me cause it was Jesus-based and well my heart was won over. So we basically went to the camp and my mom had this thing of not being there for me. I dont know why I mean people have their own challenges and she always referenced me to her pass how she grew up and basically everything she taught me just had to be normal for me. I went to the camp, I had multiple encounters with Christ. I was never mindful of being in the lime light. Never cared who wore the best clothes or looked beautiful, I did not. I was so broken I just found a breathe of fresh air and I just wanted to follow her around and have a piece of her God. I had wounds that I did not know how to utter cause my voice had been broken from crying alone every night. I did not have the answers but I had a presence and I just felt alright at the moment. I remember the songs that I learned there "Friendship with Jesus, fellowship divine, Oh what a blessed sweet communion, Jesus is a friend of mine" I felt so close to God. To love, to healing to something greater than all the mess that I was and all that I fantasized living without in my utopia.

I remember being laid hands on. I remember crying and I remember this feeling that I still feel, but back then I never understood. All I knew was that I never want to live without it. I looked for it whenever there was no one around. The strange thing is, this very presence, I remember having when "all was well" even though it was not really. I remember it i think i was in my 1st grade and again on my 3rd grade in a church i used to go to, We were laid hands on and again I was the only one standing out. I was the only black one at the time and I had these white pastors praying for me. i remember falling on the floor and crying. I never told anyone about it all I knew was that God was walking with me and life was painful.

And I got saved so many times. So many times in my innocence I would go at the alter call. So many times I would pray and read the word, even though I had no revelations or understanding. I was so lonely as a child and i found love in prayer. All the things I did not get from my parents, the love, the comfort, the affirmation, the care, the openess, the feeling of safety when I wanted to eb open. I found all that in prayer. Lord knows.

So its people like that who make me see the need for everyone to be aligned, to know their calling. To be true to themselves. To have a vision for their lives. Your greatness is a legacy to another persons greatness.

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