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supernaturalgirl20 · 1 year

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Hi, I would love to request a Joel fic. I love your work and appreciate all of the effort you put into your work.

I’d love something where reader and Joel have always tried to keep their distance from each other because they don’t want to get emotionally attached. But one night they’re drinking alone and reader kind of confesses her feelings without thinking. And Joel doesn’t really know how to respond.

So the next morning he acts like he doesn’t remember because he’s afraid to be with someone. And it hurts reader’s feelings, but she just doesn’t bring it up.

Until one evening they’re on a run together and they stay in a safe house for the night and reader can’t distract herself anymore and she confronts him. Maybe it turns into a passionate fight where he admits he remembered but was too scared to say how he felt.

Maybe ending with some steamy smut with a soft ending? I love a good pining/angst/smut combo and I think you’d absolutely kill this. Of course no pressure if you’re not into it! Thank you for doing what you do and I hope you have a lovely day!

Thank you so much you’re so sweet 🥹🥰 Absolutely loved this request. I changed it up just slightly but I hope you enjoy 😉

Trying Not To Love You

Pairings: Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, mutual pining, oral (female receiving), hidden feelings, confessions, flirting, jealousy, little bit of angst, mentions of drugs and alcohol.

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

You were feeling the light buzz from the alcohol tickle beneath the surface of your skin, the whiskey warming you from the inside out as it slid smoothly down your throat. As soon as Tommy had left the tipsy bison, Joel had cracked open the good stuff.

It was a rare occasion that you’d both get this time alone, especially since arriving back at Jackson a few months ago. You were both either out on patrol or too tired to do anything other than sleep.

“I still can’t believe this is our life now,” you say as you sit at the bar sipping on your drink. Joel hums in agreement, shifting on his stool so he’s facing you.

“Feels too good to be true, doesn’t it? Doesn't seem right neither, us here livin’ a normal life while the world is gone to shit.” You can feel his eyes on you as he speaks and god the sound of his voice - that deep southern drawl that gets more prominent when he drinks - stirs something in you.

“I know what you mean but we’ve earned it Joel. All the shit we’ve been through, this is what we deserve.”

“I guess. Just makes me on edge knowing it could all be gone in the blink of an eye.” He downs his drink and leans across the bar to pour himself another.

You use the opportunity to take him in. The way his hair has grown slightly longer, curling at the ends, a significantly more amount of grey littering his dark locks since Boston. The stretch of his plaid shirt across his broad back and shoulders. The sun kissed skin that peeks out from under his shirt at his neck.

Your gaze drifts to his hands and the way the bottle seems so small in comparison. You shiver at the memory of how those very hands gripped your hips last night as he drove into you from behind.

“God, I love you,” you whisper, freezing when you see the way his shoulders tense. Fuck! I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

You were never supposed to feel like this. Weren’t supposed to fall in love. Sure, you both enjoyed each other’s company and fucked when the need arose but that’s as far as it went. You both tried to keep it simple. No living together. No feelings. Just casual. It was easier that way because you had nothing to lose then. Or at least that’s what you told yourself.

“I - I, you….” He stammers as he pours himself more whiskey before turning to you with a wry smile and topping yours up too. “Ellie seems to be settling in just fine,” he stated, quickly changing the subject, his eyes avoiding your gaze at all costs.

“Yeah,” you coughed, the whiskey getting caught with your breath. “She’s eh - she’s made some friends. It’s nice, seeing her happy.”

Joel didn’t say much after that, just nodding his head or humming in agreement and when the bottle was gone, you both got up to leave. “G’night.” He muttered as he turned away from you and walked towards his house.

“Night,” you whisper as you wait for him to disappear inside before letting out a sigh and making your way home. Why did you have to fall in love with him?

***

The following morning you had patrol bright and early and as you made your way towards the main gate, you caught a glimpse of Joel standing off to the side having a very animated conversation with Julie.

Of course, she’s with him. She’d been smitten with Joel since you all arrived in Jackson. You weren’t in the mood for this today. You weren’t in the mood for her today. You didn’t get much sleep last night, unable to get what you’d said out of your head. Why didn’t he say anything? Does he not feel the same? Did he even hear me?

You’d planned to address it this morning and clear the air, not wanting to make things awkward between you both. So, taking a deep breath, you sidle up beside him not missing the glare Julie sends your way as you gently touch his arm, drawing his attention to you.

“Hey,” you smile softly at him and his face morphs into that scowl you’ve come to love. “Can I have a word?”

Joel nods before turning back to Julie and saying that he would see her later. “Somethin’ wrong, darlin’?”

God, I love when he calls me that.

“I just wanted to talk about last night. What I said…I…” Joel furrows his brows as he leans against the fence. “Darlin, I’m ashamed to say, I don’t remember much bout last night. That was some strong whiskey,” he laughs, his eyes meeting yours briefly as he looks around at the others gathering at the gate.

“Oh! Okay. Umm, then never mind I guess.” You feel as if you’ve been stabbed in the gut as your stomach twists into knots. He doesn’t even fucking remeber. Of course, he doesn’t.

“Come on. Best get goin’, we want to be back before nightfall.” Joel pushes off the fence and walks towards the main gate, not bothering to throw you a backward glance as he makes his way out of the town.

Your heart aches, feeling almost like you’ve been rejected but at least this meant that you could both carry on as if nothing happened. Right?

***

Her laugh was shrill as she looked down at her feet, twirling that strand of hair between her fingers as she walked beside Joel.

You roll your eyes for the third time and huff loudly as you watch her flirt with him. The man was oblivious. Alway has been, never believing you or Ellie when you say that someone was flirting with him.

“You and him have a fight?” Tommy asks as he jogs up beside you, trying to keep up the pace. “Hmm?” You mutter as you keep your gaze focused on the man in front of you. The smile he has plastered across his face makes you nauseous.

“You two are usually joined at the hip. He never leaves your side and now he’s up there with….”

“Miss Jackson 2023.” Your tone is clipped and the scowl on your face deepens. Tommy bursts into laughter causing Joel and Julie to turn their gaze in your direction.

“Who pissed in your cereal this mornin?” Tommy asked, a wide smile on his face as he nudged your shoulder. You let your gaze drift from Joel to Tommy and you can’t help but let out a little chuckle.

“M’sorry. Just didn’t sleep much last night. Me and Joel are…we’re good.” Tommy hummed as he let his eyes drift between you and his brother, not missing the way Joel’s gaze lingered on you.

“If you say so. Come on,” he states as he pushes forward, leaving you trailing behind. “Fucking Millers,” you mutter under your breath as you jog after him.

Later that night, you waited for Joel in your dining room. Dinner was waiting on the stove to be heated as soon as he came but as the hours ticked by, you began to realise he wasn’t coming.

That ache in your chest that you had earlier when you saw him smiling at Julie began to creep in again. Where was he? He always came for dinner on Friday night. It had become somewhat of a tradition since living in Jackson. You’d both have dinner here and then somehow find yourself in your bed, wrapped in each other's arms.

The voice in your head told you to go to the Tipsy Bison and see if he was there with her, but with a sigh, you turn out your lights and have an early night.

Maybe he’ll come here tomorrow?

***

He didn’t show Saturday either. Or Sunday and when Monday rolled around, you’d gone from feeling sorry for yourself to downright angry.

What the fuck was he playing at? Why was he being so distant?

Grabbing your bag, you throw it over your shoulders and make your way down the street to the main gate. Tommy had come by the day before to ask if you’d be willing to make a special run for medical supplies to which you happily agreed, as long as it wasn’t with Joel.

Fixing your knife into your belt, you’re startled when you hear that familiar southern drawl. “Hope you brought your gun too, darlin?” Joel stood to the side of the gate with Tommy.

Both Miller brother’s gaze were fixed on you but yours was only focused on Tommy, who you greeted with a scowl.

“What’re you doing here?” You ask as your eyes drift back to Joel, that ache in your chest returning with a vengeance.

“I told ya before, I don’t feel comfortable with you going on runs without me.” He’s staring at you, but his face gives nothing away which only serves to anger you more.

“I don’t need no damn babysitter, Joel. I can handle it. Besides, Jason was gonna be tagging along.” You stood with your hands crossed across your chest, eyes narrowed as you snarked at him.

“Never said you needed a babysitter. I know you’re more than capable of handlin things, but you know I ain’t ever able to sit still when you head out without me.”

“Surprised you’d even notice,” you muttered under your breath. “Fine. If you’re insisting on coming, then let’s head out. I wanna be home before dark.” You turn with a finger pointed to Tommy. “You. I’m gonna be having a word with you when I get back.”

You turn and march off leaving both Miller men staring after you. “Good luck with that,” Tommy says, clapping his big brother on the back. Joel scoffs as he turns to follow you.

***

You could cut the awkward tension with a knife and every time you snuck a glance at Joel, you found him already staring at you. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

“I think we’ve got pretty much everything on the list, we should start making our way back.” You state as you turn away from the shelf, stuffing the antibiotics into your bag.

Joel’s keeping watch, his gaze fixed out the window and gun cocked, and you can’t help but admire him. No. You gotta stop this. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath before closing the gap between you.

He startles when you gently place your hand on his arm. “Did you hear me? We’ve got everything we need.” His gaze holds your own for a moment and you wish he felt the same way you did.

Clearing his throat, he steps back slightly, your hand falling away from him, and you pull it towards your chest before swallowing the lump in your throat.

He steps around you and opens the door slowly, scanning the area before ushering you outside. You’re both halfway down the street when you make out distant voices.

“Fuck.” He curses as his head moves toward the sound. Five men emerge from the tree line and he grabs you by the arm and pulls you along behind him.

“Joel,” you say nervously as he continues to pull you along. His grip getting tighter on your arm and hurting you. “What - what are we gonna do? They’re blocking the way home.”

He doesn’t answer. He just continues to move through the small town quickly as he tries to get you both to safety. He turns abruptly and you gasp.

“Tommy has a safe house nearby. We’re gonna have to stay the night and wait it out.” His face is stern, but you can see the hint of worry in his eyes as they scan your face.

You look over your shoulder, seeing some of the men making their way to the pharmacy and Joel gently whispers your name.

“We can’t take them on. We’re outnumbered. I ain’t risking it. I ain’t risking you.” Your breathing becomes ragged, and his hand gently caresses your cheek. “Come on, darlin’. We gotta go.” He grabs your hand in his and moves you quickly through the town, making sure to stay out of sight before you both disappear through the trees.

***

Night has fallen and Joel is out back grabbing some wood for the stove while you heat up some canned pasta. You’d argued that it was too dangerous to light a fire, but he’d said the cabin was too far out for anyone to see the smoke.

It beats having to huddle for warmth, you think to yourself as you stir the pot. He pushes open the door and throws a log into the stove before moving up behind you.

“Smells good,” he hums, his breath hot on your neck as his hand brushes along your lower back. “It’s almost done. You can sit by the fire. I’ll bring it over in a minute.”

Glancing at him over your shoulder, you see he has taken his boots off and your heart aches at the sight of him looking so relaxed. The cabin and the fire and the two of you alone it’s so domestic and that makes it hurt even more.

Handing him his bowl of pasta, you take a seat on the couch beside him as you both tuck into dinner.

It’s quiet. Too quiet and normally it doesn't bother you. Joel is always kind of quiet, but this is different. There’s an awkward tension in the air and you begin to feel claustrophobic.

You can feel his eyes on you, and it just gets to be too much. “Stop,” you shout as you stand abruptly, turning to face him.

“What are you talking about, darlin?” He scoots to the edge of the couch, hands held up as if in surrender.

“Don’t darlin’ me, Joel. Ugh…. I can’t do this anymore.” You clench your hands into fist as they hang at your side and begin to storm off toward the bedroom.

His hand on your arm stops you though as he slowly steps around the couch to face you. “Baby,” he whispers as he places both his hands on your cheeks. “Talk to me.”

“No! No, you don’t get to do that to me Joel. You don’t get to ignore me for the last four days and then come here and start calling me baby. I’m not your baby. Or your darlin’ and you made that pretty fucking clear the other night when you completely ignored what I said.”

Something shifts behind his eyes, and you know you were right all along about that night. “I don’t….” He mutters but you're quick to cut him off.

“Oh, pull the other one. I know you heard me that night at the bar. I know you heard me say I love you and you made me fucking think you were too drunk to remember. Jesus, Joel. Do I really mean so little to you?”

He shakes his head, but you don’t want to know what he has to say, not anymore. You pull out of his grasp and try to hold back the sobs as you make your way into the only bedroom.

“Shit.” You can hear him curse before the sound of his footsteps echo behind you.

“You’re right. I did hear you and the reason I didn’t say anything that night was because I was scared. I am scared. We’ve been together since Boston and in that time, I’ve grown to care about you. I’ve - fuck, I love you, alright. I fucking love you and it scares the shit outta me because if anythin were to happen to you, it would break me.”

His breathing was ragged as tears shimmered in his eyes. You stood staring at him in shock at what he’d just confessed, and you could feel your heart swell at his words.

“I love you, baby, and I’m sorry for how I behaved that night, for how I’ve been behavin. I thought I could let you go but I can’t, and I don’t want neither. Think you can forgive this old fool?”

You chuckle, unable to believe that you both are such idiots, and you can see the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile as he slowly moves towards you. His hand reaches out, wrapping around your waist and pulling you close.

“Well, what do ya say,” he asks as he wipes a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb. “I think I can forgive you, as long as you promise to never ignore me again.”

He rests his forehead head against yours, his eyes closing as he lets out a contented sigh. “I swear it, baby. Can I kiss you now?”

His eyes are open now and staring down at you and you feel like you’re on cloud nine. Nodding your head he places his hand under your chin and tilts your mouth towards his own before kissing you.

Is this really happening?

It’s soft at first. His lips gently caress yours until he licks along your bottom lip. When your tongues meet it’s as if you’re two horny teenagers unable to get enough of each other. His hands grab at your ass, and you squeal when he places his hands around your thighs and lifts you.

You wrap your legs around his waist, and he walks you over to the bed, laying you down gently.

Joel is quick to rid you of your clothes, the rough pads of his fingers skimming along your curves. His own clothes join yours on the floor shortly after. His eyes glaze over with lust as he stands at the edge of the bed taking in your naked form. “So, fucking beautiful baby,” he breaths, his voice husky with need.

You rest your head on the pillows and watch as he crawls up the bed towards you, his lips trailing light kisses along your legs and thighs.

“What are you doing, Joel?” His gaze moves along your naked curves until it meets yours. “Gotta make it up to ya darlin,” he rasps and you pull your bottom lip between your teeth.

His breath is hot on your skin as he hovers over your aching cunt. His tongue glides along your slick as he teases you. Lifting your hips you plead with him, desperately needing him to touch you. “Please!”

He raises a brow and smiles at you before me burying his face into your curls. “Ooh!” You moan as your back arches off the bed, hands finding purchase in his hair. He moves your legs over his shoulders and buries his tongue inside you.

You writhe beneath him as pleasure begins to build. He alternates between licking and sucking and shoving his tongue inside you that you are a complete and utter mess on the bed below him. That familiar heat begins to form, and you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to that edge.

“Oh God,” you moan, as your orgasm rips through you. Your body shudders as you come down from your high.

“Taste so sweet, darlin,” he says as he moves up your body, peppering light kisses along your skin. He’s flush against you, the tip of him nudging at your entrance and with one roll of his hips, he stretches you open. He groans loudly as he fills you to the hilt, his eyes closed as he tries to calm himself, desperately hoping he doesn’t cum within two minutes.

Once he has control of himself, he begins to rock into you, his cock pulling out to the tip before pushing back in. You're already sensitive from your earlier orgasm and the way he’s stimulating your clit with his cock has you whimpering beneath him.

His hands grip onto your waist, fingers digging into your soft skin as he sits back onto his knees, pulling you to with him so you’re sat atop him.

He holds you down with his right hand as he pistons his hips up into you, his left kneading your breast as he pulls your pebbled nipple into his mouth and sucks. Your head falls back between your shoulders as you cry out his name. “Joel.”

Clenching around him, he groans - his head resting between your breasts, the feeling of you wrapped around him making him dizzy.

His hands grip your hips as you begin to move with him - rolling your hips over him. You shudder in his arms as your cunt clenched around him once again - his trusts become erratic as he nears the edge.

He grips your hips and lifts you off him as he cums, coating your thighs with his release. As much as you’d love him to finish inside you, you know that it’s too risky.

His eyes are staring at your thighs. At where he’s marked you with his spend. “So pretty,” he mutters as he lifts his gaze toward you. “I love you darlin.”

“I love you too. I’m gonna need to have a shower after that,” you giggle and he pulls you into him, kissing your lips softly.

“How about I run us a bath? Sound good?” He smiles at you, moving a start piece of hair behind your ear.

“That sounds like heaven.”

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#pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller tlou

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pedgito · 5 months

Text

𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 & 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 | a joel miller x reader oneshot

summary: this is based around work song by hozier, felt a deep need to write some joel miller comfort stuff. listen to the song if you fancy, it really helps, i swear. this is just a lot of angst, fluff, and longing wrapped into a 5k fic i wrote out a couple weeks ago out of missing writing and joel miller.

word count & warnings: 5k | 18+, fem!reader, mentions of violence/blood/fighting (nothing graphic), joel being in a state of shock, sex for comfort/coping, no heavy sex warning it's just v intimate, psuedo love confessions bc joel is bad with words

It’s like an atom bomb uprooting your world with the heavy rasps of a hand against solid wood, sending a sharp buzz of electricity down your spine as you shoot up from your position on the couch, nearly tripping over Ellie on the way. The remnants of a night spent like a teen, enjoying a sleepover with the young girl who had a lot to talk about. You knew enough about Savage Starlight that you were practically an aficionado now, but that didn’t matter.

Ellie only stirs slightly, turning on her side on the cushion of her make-shift pallet and you open the front door slowly despite your rapidly beating heart.

Joel never knocked, never really announced himself. He would come in quiet, quick, and busy himself upstairs. You knew that because he usually found you in his bed, waiting for him.

Tonight was a little different.

No grave can hold my body down,

I'll crawl home to her

You world spins as you see what’s on the other side, a soft gasp leaving your lips as you see him.

Joel. But he wasn’t alone.

“Maria—“ It’s laced with too many emotions, too many meanings. You shift your gaze between the two.

“Everyone—“ Maria has to force herself to take a deep breath, a careful hand on Joel’s arm as she forces him to take a step forward, “everyone is fine.”

“Maria, he’s covered in blood.” As if that wasn’t obvious.

It was crusted and oxidized down, sticking to his skin and covering him like something out of a horror movie. He wasn’t shaking, that was the first thing you noticed. Joel was unnaturally still. Frozen.

“Do you have him?” Maria asks, only expecting one answer. “I’ve gotta tend to Tommy and he’s not telling me a damn thing.”

“Is he hurt?” Your brow furrowed in concern, but Maria doesn’t elaborate at all. You reach for Joel silently, his skin icey to the touch, the rigid, cold weather partially to blame.

“He’ll be alright.” Maria assures you with a nod and she’s gone without another word, leaving you to stare at the shell of a man before you, his eyes boring into the ground, staring at the scuffed up material of his boots, not a word to be spoken. Not even so much as a breath.

��Is he in shock?” Ellie’s less than chipper voice speaks from behind you, forcing your heart to kickstart again.

“Um, I don’t—know…” You pull him inside gently, which he doesn’t fight, but he feels lifeless, “has he—have you seen him like this before?”

“Never.” Her eyes well with silent tears and you quickly shoo her away. Ellie almost seems thankful. Joel can’t admit it to himself but Ellie knows.

You care.

“Go upstairs and get some sleep, Ellie.” You assure her, “I can handle it.”

The walk to Joel’s bedroom feels miles away. Joel shows no signs of life still, as you drag him inside of his room and shut the door with a soft click.

“You need to shower.”

Joel knows this, he can smell it on him.

The smell of death.

You smell it too, but you can’t bring yourself to admit it.

“Joel,” You speak softly, invading his line of sight, a gentle touch against rough skin, his scruff a few days grown and there’s a small twitch as your warm hand makes contact, “are you here?”

His nod is a sigh of relief, a weight off your chest.

“Okay—okay, that’s good,” You keep your voice low, like a secret between the both of you, “do you need my help?”

Joel shakes his head weakly, pulling at the buttons of his thick coat, realizing slowly that it was just as bloodied as the rest of him. He wants it off. All of it. Now.

“Are you going to fight me if I try to help?” It’s lighthearted, but you can see how deeply it digs at Joel, like a fresh wound. “Sorry—I just, I want to help. Okay?”

He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t push your hands away when they reach forward and take the coat from his hands. You toss it in a nearby corner, out of sight and out of mind.

You could handle it later, get rid of the mess so Joel wouldn’t have to bother with it.

He toes off his boots after tugging at the laces, delicate fingertips tracing down his chest as you unbutton his flannel, forcing it down his shoulders. It takes a moment, but eventually he’s down to his boxers and tattered white undershirt, barefoot on the hardwood floor.

And he stops, leaning into you, pressing his forehead against your own in a silent bid of thankfulness, a heavy sigh escaping his chest.

Joel showers alone, eerily quiet. You get rid of the clothes, bringing them out to the garage to deal with in the morning.

Joel is already in the bed by the time you make it back to his bedroom, but if he was actually asleep was yet to be discovered, the nightmare replaying behind his eyelids unbeknownst to you.

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Joel wasn’t supposed to come back until later in the evening that day, well after work was wrapped up for the day and everyone was already tucked into bed. You found yourself in Joel’s bed most nights now, off and on for the first few months but now, almost a year into…whatever this was, it was a weekly thing, as often as Joel wasn’t out on patrol.

There was never an agreement about what this was either, not that there needed to be. But, the unspoken rule was to keep your problems away–the anger, the fear, the suppressed feelings you both have tried to keep at bay for weeks now. Joel only mildly complains about things around Jackson, but never about his life before, how he feels now, or how his pseudo-daughter seeks out comfort in your presence when Joel isn’t around.

Joel hasn’t stirred for hours, or so it feels. The night sky fades away into early morning, the tiniest amount of dawn peeking through his window and bathing him in a shadow of blue. The crinkle of sheets pulls your attention toward his face, your body heats like a furnace as it slid near, hoping that even in his slumber he might draw closer. There’s a brief moment where you think he might wake, but he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls you closer. Nuzzles.

You’ll take it.

He moves silently, letting you hold him. An arm slipped under his head, a leg slipped between his own thighs and his hands found their way around your middle and you sigh, a deep breath through your nose that does nothing to calm your worrying, aching heart.

If he wanted to talk about it, he would. That’s all you can hope for.

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

Joel is edging on delirious. The adrenaline was beginning to wane and he kept seeing things in faint recollection. The faces of the couple that had snuck into the cabin he and Tommy were patrolling last night, the fear on his brother’s face–something he hasn’t seen from Tommy since they were teenagers. They’re battle-hardened warriors, attack first and ask questions later. His brother was helpless then and if it weren’t for Joel’s terrible bout of insomnia—he couldn’t think about it.

He feels everything finally caught up to him, the physical exertion, the mental toll, he’s never slept so easily in his life and he feels terrible about it. He feels terrible about bringing this on you, forcing you to help piece him back together and keep him from falling apart.

Joel is a man, solid and steel-like in his ways but he’s not invulnerable to emotion. He feels it creeping in as he blinks his tired eyes open, the flutter in his chest growing strong when he feels you wrapped around him and his own limbs just the same.

He could’ve swore you left. The look on your face, of pure terror and disgust as he poured his heart out to you, but Joel quickly realizes that was only a dream, something his mind cooked up in the haze of hysteria.

“Is Tommy hurt?” You ask with a timidness he’s not used to, your fingers massaging at the base of his neck, twirling a curl of his hair around your finger idly, “Maria...didn’t say, she looked exhausted.”

We don’t talk about these things.

We don’t talk.

We don’t.

“I’m not asking you to tell me what happened,” You assure him like he’d spoked aloud, “Just…even a nod, Joel. Anything.”

Joel waits too long, to the point where you think he’s fallen back asleep. But eventually, he shakes his head. You relax briefly. No, he wasn’t hurt.

But, that doesn’t explain the blood.

As much as you wanted to know, it wasn’t your place to ask.

She never asked me once

about the wrong I did

Joel doesn’t understand why he feels drawn to you, so eager to have you here, home. You had your own place, your own things, but when you were here it almost felt normal. Real. He’s dragged this out for months, avoiding the looks you give him when things get a little too intense and he pulls away.

Ellie calls him an idiot every month that passes, knowing how good it is to have you around.

“Jesus, Joel—you can’t really be that oblivious.”

Joel forces Ellie to drop it.

But, not before she mumbles the word under her breath.

There’s a soft sob that racks your body as Joel stirs, crying silently above him with worry. You weren’t as great at burying those emotions as him, unfortunately.

Because, for tonight, well—it was almost too much to process.

“I took care of it,” Joel speaks through his gruff, sleep-filled voice, “Tommy’s fine.”

It? Took care of it? Come on, Joel.

“It was a couple. Hunters. They were from the west.”

You stay silently, scared that speaking might startle him too. You didn’t want to steal the chance of knowing, understanding.

“I handled it.” The emphasis around the word is enough to make you understand.

He killed them. There was no way around that.

“I’ve never…” The quiver in Joel’s voice is apparent, no matter how hard he tries to mask it, “I’ve felt a lot of things. Anger, betrayal, but that fear—”

You squeeze your eyes shut, pulling Joel closer into the space you shared.

“They had their hands around him,” Joel explains slowly, like he’s trying and failing to relive that sight in his mind, “my damn hearing, old fucking age—another minute and things would’ve been a hell of a lot different.”

“But, you took care of it.” You affirmed him and his hands tightened against your skin. “Seem pretty damn capable to me.”

“Fuckin’ cowards.” Joel spits out, “We were sleepin’ and they tried to get the jump on us.”

“It’s alright, though—Tommy’s okay, you’re…okay,” You hesitate, a quiver of a breath from Joel ghosts over your chest, his tired eyes peering into yours, “You’re okay, right?”

“Always am,” Joel assures you with a low, soft response, “had so much on mind, though, ya’ know?”

“Well, yeah—”

Joel shakes his head, cuts you off for a brief moment. You don’t really mind, talking felt too draining right now.

“Ellie’s still learnin’, she can’t even go out on patrol by herself. Tommy and Maria have the baby now.” Joel’s fingers squeeze again, a nervous tic he’s picked up when he’s got himself wrapped around you, the urge to say things he wishes he could but can’t. You’re begging for it now, wondering if this was the moment. “I couldn’t live with myself if things went the other way.”

My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

Joel was a killer. Is. But, with good intentions. Not that it was needed anymore.

Survival, family, protection. He’s killed for the wrong reasons and the good ones, but it’s never been something you’ve judged him on. You never even questioned it. You accepted it, moved on, and treated him like everyone else. But, of course, there was a tinge of sweetness that creeped in, got him all caught and wound up in your web.

“Did she give you any trouble last night?” It’s a quick turn from the heavy conversation you were having, but it isn’t lost on you. He’s silently asking things to shift to something else.

“No more than the usual,” You shrug, talking softly in the early morning ambience, wind howling outside his bedroom window, a storm brewing on the horizon, “I don’t think it’s me that you should be worried about her giving trouble anyways.”

He would be stuck here in Jackson for a few days. You’ve never been more thankful for shitty weather in a goddamn apocalypse.

“That kid loves you.” Joel comments fondly, and I do too.

“Only because I help her and Dina sneak out during town movie nights,” You admit, glancing away sheepishly, “she really worries about you.”

Joel nods knowingly, his usual scowl returning to his face. You reach forward, rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone—in this light he looks fine, untouched and perfect, but he winced at the contact. He’s a tough man, but he’s not invincible.

The touch of his fingers as they wrap around your palm are instinctive, he’s careful that he doesn’t startle you by the quick action, but it’s almost like he’s being shocked and brought back to hours before, the one hit they managed to land on him.

You’ve seen a few of Joel’s violent outbursts, yelling matches upon yelling matches with Tommy but it’s never been directed at you. You retract slightly, fingers curling over the top of his own.

“I’m sorry,” You apologize, “I didn’t realize—“

“I would never hurt you.” Joel says adamantly, but you can’t help but feel puzzled. “I’m not a monster.”

That idea never crossed your mind.

“Defending yourself doesn’t make you a monster, Joel.”

Joel doesn’t know why he feels the need for validation.

“Maria—she thought I,” Joel laughs sadly, a huff of air that borders on defeat, “Tommy was hitchin’ the horses up and she saw me first, without him and she thought I left him behind. That I sacrificed my own damn brother to save my ass.”

Maria had never been fond of Joel, that much was always apparent, even from the moment you met. She tolerated him because he was Tommy’s brother but that was all. There was no way around it.

“I’ve done plenty of shit to cement my place in hell somewhere, and so has Maria,” You tell him, “Doesn’t matter what she thinks, Tommy knows you would never do that.”

Joel squeezes your waist tighter, the soft skin molding under his calloused fingertips, “You’re too damn good to me.”

The kissing starts slowly, a soft caress as Joel moves in closer, and doesn’t even try—he waits for you, teasing you with a touch until you can’t fight anymore and you press your lips against his gently. It’s the first time in the last several hours that Joel doesn’t feel like he’s drowning, barely skimming the surface to keep himself afloat.

He feels horrible, using you like this—coping with things by stowing them away and surrounding himself with you in a hope that you wouldn’t ask anymore questions, that he would have to explain his actions or justify them. But, you taste too damn sweet under his tongue and he prods until you let him in, a small sigh leaving your mouth as your lips part.

“Fuck, darlin’.” He swears like a symphony, sounding more devious than it should as it leaves his lips, “Can’t keep at this, not with Ellie upstairs.”

“Joel, she’s not here.” It’s not so obvious to Joel, who’s just about as oblivious to every teen antic thrown his way. “She’s out with Dina, probably. That’s usually where she goes when she’s upset.”

Joel’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“I heard her moving around when you were asleep,” You explain quietly, jostling your head slightly on the pillow until Joel’s situated over you slightly, his head resting in the palm of his hand that held him upright, “it’ll do you some good to talk to her in the morning.”

Joel nods knowingly, half-smiling as he pushes your hair behind your ear, his thumb finding the sensitive dip behind your lobe and rubbing until you couldn’t hold your laughter in, letting it bubble out weakly before falling silent, a soft, but serious look growing across your features.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again,” You tell him, “please.”

“C’mere,” Joel nudges his chin upwards, drawing you in close, “I’m not goin’ down without a fight, darlin’.”

“I’m serious,” You don’t need to force a love confession on him, not that it would salvage anything or make things better, because Joel already understands—there’s too many instances where he’s felt his heart tug in all the weird, uncomfortable places he’s kept locked away since he was younger, before the outbreak, before Sarah, “you can’t do that anymore.”

“I’m here,” Joel assures you, forehead pressed firm against your own as he nods, “I’m right here.”

He failed to mention how after the attack, the split second of everything flashing through his memory, the possibility of losing Tommy, disappointing Ellie, that you were the one thing that kept him conscious enough to come home.

He’d left you with a burning kiss the day he left, kissing like two lovebirds trying to keep a secret as you hung around the stables as the pairs readied to leave.

It was his own little promise of a return, but you didn’t realize in just what shape. He was good at masking, even now. Joel was hurting, but all he wanted was you.

And you could give him that.

And she put her love down soft and sweet

In the low lamplight I was free

Joel hums, soft and quiet, “Don’t move,” He pleads, “need you right here.”

His palms are heavy, feeling so much larger than they should as they span the length of your body, pulling you in close and cradling you like a safety blanket. Maybe you should stop, it isn’t the best route to cope with the situation, but Joel is there—wanting and needing and he’s mouthing at the junction of your neck in a way that has you gasping for air.

He needs you to occupy his mind, it’s what you did best for him. Joel needed somewhere else to be, anywhere but the hellscape behind his eyes when sleep succumbed to his pure exhaustion.

Just a moment. Just a moment to breathe. To feel.

Your brow furrows so deep that you're scowling now, but mostly out of concern, forehead scrunching from the emotion and you cradle Joel’s face carefully between your hands, “Tell me what you need.”

You.

He doesn’t say as much, but you can feel him sifting for your tattered pajama pants as he digs his fingertips under the waistband and yanks, hoping you’ll get the idea.

Okay, this is fine. He needs sex, you can provide him that. But, you won’t let him escape. Joel needed to be present and here with you, not forcing himself to some far off space in his mind and keeping you around him like nothing more than a warm body for him to fuck.

He’s got you all pliant under his touch as he needs at soft skin, thumb digging into your hip bone as he shifts between your legs lazily, spreading you wide and using the arm that is holding most of his weight to unfurl his hand and reach for that tight space behind your knee, tucking that leg up and over his right hip—this feels undoubtedly vulnerable, but he’s staring at you with those eyes and you absolutely fucking melt, his mouth parted by mere centimeters as his tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip.

“Go on, darlin’,” Joel encourages, “I know you need it too.”

That was an understatement.

He’s already hard, head of his cock resting against the small expanse of skin between his groin and belly button. It’s like a wave of heat that rushes over your bodies when you finally touch him how he’s been begging—not so much with words but pleading looks. He needs it even more than you do.

Usually you would spend a while in the throes of leisurely foreplay, letting Joel devour you until you were nothing but a heap of numbness on the bed and only then would he allow you what you were begging for the entire time. His cock, buried deep enough inside you that it felt impossible. But, there was none of that.

Your thumb slides over the head, smearing the precum in a too teasing motion that has Joel cursing under his breath before you’re abruptly guiding him to your core, slick and waiting without a single touch, embarrassingly so. Fortunately, you and Joel were long over that. Joel was overly aware of the effect he had on you—mind, body, and soul.

He slides home and you have to take a moment, a second to breath, chest expanding with a full breadth of air as Joel pulls you in closer, if that was even possible, warm hands settling firm on your hips, his head resting against the pillow you both shared, “There she is,” Joel comments vexingly, “always know what you need, right, baby?”

As good as it feels to hear him, the way he can melt you with a single phrase or sound, he’s still on guard in the way he’s shielding himself against your body, rocking his hips in a motion that drowns out all relative thinking and it builds, builds until you can’t take it and you feel like you just might burst. You slip a hand out from under him to pull at the chain on his bedside lamp, drowning you in a soft yellow glow and Joel doesn’t look right away—that’s how you know.

“Switch me,” You suggest softly, followed by an even lower, disgruntled noise from Joel, “—Joel, come on.”

Joel feels that distant ache in his bones, the soreness in his hands from the damage they caused, he groans with the movement, but even louder with the way you sink back down onto him once he’s settled against the mattress, hands fisted into his shirt and rumpling it up his stomach, revealing a few inches of soft skin, grinding down against him until he’s nearly writhing. His mouth opens slightly, ready to say something you didn’t want to hear.

You offer a soft shhh, eyes focused on the lines of his face, beautiful with age and scrunched up in pleasure, eyes closed as he settles into the feeling of you again, “Stay with me,” You jeer quietly, a soft giggle settling on the surface as you smile, ever so slightly, ”‘can you do that?”

Sometimes it feels like an impossible feat, but Joel grips you a little tighter, pulls you in ever the more closer and the slick of your body feels so goddamn good, he doesn’t even realize his thought breached his lips before your breath is hot against his ear, his mind battling the thoughts buried under the surface and every filthy thing he could blurt out in the moment, he’s so tense with anticipation, “Stop thinking so hard, Joel. You’re home. Safe.”

And for once, he gives in. A long, hard fought battle that succumbs to his own exhaustion, allowing the kinder touches, the intimate glances between two people, almost like your fingertips were grazing each other’s souls. It’s felt intense before, but this moment is sharp around the edges and Joel knows what you need to hear. He’s fought it for a while, trying to right his wrongs, remind himself still, that he didn’t deserve you. He’s done fighting.

“Just need you, darlin’.” He admits gruffly, lips sliding against each other in a messy, lazy attempt at a kiss, “Always know just what to do.”

In other words, you could read Joel like a book.

And in the few years you’ve known him, you were hoping that was the case, considering the level of intimacy you’ve reached. Joel comes with a tired, drawn out groan that pierces you deep, and you’re right there—right there, before Joel is flipping you over with little fight on your end, sucking on your clit with a ferocity that doesn’t let up, coming with a shout as you grip his hair at the root, riding out the extent of your climax against his mouth as he eased you into your sated state of exhaustion.

The comedown is heavy, long, extended bouts of silence as you two try to catch your breath, slow your pounding hearts and Joel, at some point, finds his way higher up your body, his head laying against your chest, just underneath your breasts and it's an easy position to rub your fingers into his hair, along the planes of his face. He'd never admit it, but this is his favorite part. The after.

For you, it was everything.

"I want you around more often," Joel says quietly, like a whisper, "—m'tired of worrying about you when you're not around."

It almost makes you think you slipped into some sort of fugue state, not believing that the Joel Miller had said anything remotely close to a confession. But, then again, he surprised you every day. And you knew he couldn't ask you outright, not now, maybe not ever.

But, you'd settle for this.

"I'm not going anywhere, Joel." You promise, "You've always got me to come home too."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #tlou fanfiction #my writing #posting this and hiding for another six months #pedrostories

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rogueddie · 2 years

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Steve loves giving people things.

It's one of the rare things he misses about Tommy and Carol- even when he'd just give them the food he didn't want, they'd light up and look so pleased. They were encouraging too- probably just because they wanted things from him, he knows that, but it still makes him feel all warm and happy just remembering it.

No one lets him give them stuff anymore.

Jonathon had accepted the replacement camera reluctantly and when Steve tried to give him other things for said camera, he got a door slammed in his face.

Nancy, drunk and repeatedly calling him 'bullshit', slips in a little dig at how Steve needs to buy peoples love.

Not even Dustin accepts anything from him. The only thing Steve could really offer him is a new walkie, or batteries, or food- but Dustin already has those things and dismisses any attempts Steve makes to learn what else he could get him. Jokes that he doesn't need to be bought.

By the time they save Eddie, turn the narrative on it's head and save the day- he's back on his parents payroll. Something about him being a hero in the newspapers (at Eddies insistence). Something about him being a good influence on the Harrington name. Something about him deserving some sort of reward.

That doesn't matter though, itt means he can start giving people actual gifts again!

But, he quickly bursts his own bubble. Because no one he knows wants any gifts from him. No one seems to understand. It makes him, for the first time in a long time, miss Tommy and Carol again.

He gets Eddie a new guitar though. It's not cheap, but he can afford it and... well, Eddies old one got destroyed in the Upside Down. It's the perfect excuse, right? It'd be like Jonathons camera- even if he's reluctant, he'll still accept it.

But it's not like Jonathon at all. Eddie is thrilled before he even opens the box, thrilled that Steve got him something. When he does open it and finds a new guitar, he screams (and scares his uncle, but even he seems to be understanding when he sees the guitar).

Eddie wants gifts. He jokes about it but, when Steve points out that he will if Eddie lets him, he looks genuinely excited at the idea. Tries to tell Steve that he doesn't have to, but he looks reluctant when he says that. Looks more upset that Steve might think he's greedy or using him.

So Steve starts getting him things. Usually just... little things. At first, it was a perfect excuse to start spending time with him, to become better friends.

He isn't sure when it started to mean something else. He isn't sure when he started to swap out little things he thinks will make Eddie laugh for... romantic things. For roses and chocolate. For things that will flatter Eddie and make him blush, make him pull some of his hair in front of his mouth and give Steve looks that can only be described as 'demure'.

It's when Steve gets him a little skull ring he'd seen in passing, something he'd seen and immediately thought of Eddie, that he finally gets the response he'd started secretly hoping for.

"How about... instead of a thing... next time, we go out?" Eddie shifts, hesitant. "Like... see a movie, get dinner?"

Steve had to bite his lip, trying to make his grin a little less goofy. "Yeah. You, uh... mean, like, a date, right?"

"Do you want it to be like a, uh, date?"

Steve can't quite get himself to say it, nodding instead.

Eddie gives him a little smile, looks painfully understanding. "A date then. I'm free this Saturday? I hear there's something cute and family friendly in cinemas that we could watch."

"Yeah, ok, Saturday. Um... you wanna get some food too?"

"Food sounds good. Dinner and a movie, very romantic. Pick me up at 6?"

"Yeah. Yeah, ok, 6. It's a date."

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie fic #ficlet #hurtcomfort

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daughterofthequeen · 4 months

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A New Diagnosis

Pairing: Joel Miller x autistic daughter!reader

Summary: I have an idea. Joel Miller x daughter!reader, based in the camps they had everyone in after the outbreak(so a couple days after Sarah’s death technically) and the reader is a high functioning autistic who stims. So when they get to the camp and because of all the stress she has been under, it’s causing her stimming to flare up like crazy. So Joel and Tommy had to beg and plead to the soldiers, trying to let them know she is autistic and she wasn’t infected, that she just can’t control her stims.

Warnings: Angst, crying, cussing, stimming(not really a warning but its in the story), overstimulated meltdown, denial, most likely inaccurate chain of command about construction work or construction jobs in general, might be a little ooc Joel in one scene I’m not completely sure but it feels like it and I hate it😠😤.

A/N: the reader symptoms and preferences are based on my own, which is also where this idea came from. Ever since the show came out I just wondered what did they do to the people with ticks and stims at the beginning of the outbreak. I mean they eventually had to come up with a way to tell a difference in the beginning of the outbreak before they had the infection detector things, right?

I honestly might rewrite this because I don’t know if I like how this turned out. Usually I’m pretty good at picturing what characters would say in a certain situation, but there’s one part of the fic that I’m not so sure about( you’ll know it when you read it I’m sure). But it’s crazy because I’ve been living like this since the ages of 4 or 5 and it still extremely difficult to describe stimming, even harder writing about it. But I wish I had a Joel Miller parent so I guess I’m projecting a bit in this fic. And this may also be longest fic yet.

So I decided to make this into two parts because I want this posted today because it was supposed to be out yesterday and I don’t want to wait any longer.

Mockingbird (Part 2)

Taglist: @miss-celestial-being @ilovemydinoboi @taraiel @distorted-twink @geralallfandoms @your-shifting-gurl @daemontargaryenwhore @mihstar

What started out as a regular day went to hell in the span of a couple hours. I mean homes being set on fire, families separated, innocents slaughtered due to the fear of a sickness they had no cure for. But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Let’s start from the beginning. My name is (Y/n) Miller, and this is the story of how everything went to shit.

I was only 4.

As a kid you’re oblivious to almost everything, but sometimes a child’s behavior can reflect the type of day the family will have whether they realize it or not. And my attitude had been off all that week, until my father’s birthday aka outbreak day. I called it the calm before the storm. That week I was in an overall bad mood. All of my senses had been on high, being overstimulated plus the struggle of always being alone in school. I mean don’t get me wrong I use to talk to some of my classmates, but most likely than not I would’ve been playing by myself either from trying to avoid the bullies or because nobody wanted to play with me in general. But hey, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. I never really understood people, I still don’t but I had my family and they always made everything okay. They never made me feel different about myself. Regardless of me being only four, I understood that the repetitive behaviors were definitely not normal. Along with the what I now know as stimming; physical, vocal, scripting, ticking, etc. I could go on and on about everything that makes me different, but my family had always helped me feel normal. To be honest I didn’t start realizing I was doing all that stuff until one day my dad sat me down and asked me ‘what are you doing’ and ‘are you okay?’, which made me more self-aware. And then there was school, the weird looks and the mean jokes came into play. I’ve rarely caught my family staring, but I knew they were. Growing up and remembering the past helps you realize things you might’ve missed or didn’t understand as a kid. Like the concerned/confused stares I would catch my dad or uncle Tommy giving me before I was diagnosed. I just didn’t know what the looks were for. But the day my father finally decided something was indeed wrong, that it wasn’t just a phase, had him making an appointment to my clinic fast. It was the first time my stimming caused me serious pain. Well, from what I can remember anyway.

July 23, 2002 - Austin,Texas (Y/n is 3 years old)

The day started out like any other. I woke up in my sister’s bed, once I got my bearings I got out of the bed and headed down stairs to see my dad and my sister having one of their many daily debates

“I’m just saying your generations music has nothing on ours- (Y/N)!” After hearing Sarah saying your name, Joel turned around seeing you standing in the kitchen doorway rubbing your eye.

“Hey babygirl. Did you have a good sleep?” He asked as he turned off the stove top and went to pick you up.

“Mhm. I’m hungry, daddy.”

“That’s good because I just cooked your favorite breakfast.” He said as he kissed your cheek and sat you down in the chair across from Sarah, who got the two of you orange juice. Joel then went to grab the plates. There were eggs, sausage, french toast, and he sat a bowl of grapes next to you knowing how much you love them. You all started eating your breakfast. You went straight for the grapes and started eating them, until you spotted something that looked weird to you. Frowning, you push the bowl away and went to the food on your plate.

“Something wrong with your grapes?” Joel asked you noticing the way you frowned up.

“They dirty daddy.” Causing Joel to frown in confusion.

“Dirty? I just washed ‘em.” Joel leaned forward and grabbed the bowl and didn’t see anything abnormal about the grapes. The water in the bowl didn’t even black specs in it that grapes leave behind. “They look fine to me.”

“No. They dirty daddy, look.” Standing in your chair, you leaned over and pointed to a grape with a light brown streak on it and another where it was brown from where the stem was.

“Oh, that doesn’t mean they’re dirty, baby. Grapes just to look like that sometimes or because they’ve gotten older. That’s all.”

“Ew.” You mumbled.

“They’re gonna taste the same.” Joel said as he sat the bowl back down next to you.

“I don’t want them anymore.” You say pushing the grapes away.

“They’re fine, (n/n). I actually think the small brown areas actually make them sweater.” Sarah says trying to reassure her baby sister.

“No.” That was your final statement before you went back to eating the food on your plate.

“Ok, you don’t have to eat ‘em.” Joel states as him and Sarah go back to eating their own food.

———

“(Y/n)!!! Come back here!”

“No!”

“We go through this every time you use the bathroom!”

Sarah was currently chasing you around the house. A daily thing really, but for the last few months you have determined on not washing your hands after using the bathroom. And not with just Sarah. With Joel and Tommy too. Joel usually would have to keep a firm grip on you that disabled you from moving away from the sink, and to keep you from running or flailing your arms around as an attempt to keep him from making you wash your hands.

The first time that happened you guys were at a restaurant. He would be surprised if that whole side of the restaurant didn’t hear you,

“Daddy, I have to use the bathroom.”

“Ok.” Usually he would have Sarah take you but her and Tommy’s food had made it to the table. And since he was still waiting on his, there was no sense in stopping her from eating. He took you out of the high chair, and you two headed to the restroom. After the long process of putting toilet paper on the seat, he sat you on the seat and let you do your business. Once you were finished cleaning yourself up and him flushing the toilet, he waited for you to go towards the sink. But you headed towards the door instead.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands.” Joel said from his spot on the wall he was leaning on with his arms crossed.

Turning towards the sink, you clasped your hands to your chest, letting out a low groan of disgust.

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to touch it.”

“What the sink?” You nodded.

“You have to wash your hands, babygirl. Come on.”

“No.” You whined, and Joel knew then the two of you were going to have a problem.

“Babygirl, please.” He said in a pleading tone and tired tone.

“No!” Joel sighed then picked you up and held you over the sink as he usually would when washing your hands, but this time due to your decision of fighting and squirming in his arms, he had to get a gentle but firm grip on your hands to wash them himself.

“(Y/n).” That caused you to stop in your tracks. The sound was unfamiliar until your mind put together it was your father’s voice. He never says your actual name unless you were in trouble, and even then it would depend. But him calling your name was enough time for Sarah to scoop you up and head to the nearest sink which was the kitchen.

Sarah sat you down after she finished washing your hands. After getting free you pouted and went into the living room to continue playing with your toys before your bladder interrupted you. So invested in what you were doing, you didn’t even hear your Uncle Tommy come in the house.

“What’s for dinner today?” He teased, rubbing the top of yours and Sarah’s head as he passed by each of you.

“I don’t know you’ll have to ask this guy. He was supposed to go to the store but surprise, he didn’t.” Sarah says with a sarcastic smile towards her father who was going through bills. Joel head turned towards Sarah giving a bored look.

“We’re ordering pizza.”

“Fine with me.” Tommy states triggering Joel to role his eyes.

“Of course it is.”

Sarah went upstairs for the book the two of you were reading. To ‘keep her ahead of her future classmates’. While Sarah was upstairs, Tommy eyes trailed over to you, he smiled as he watched you in your own little world playing with your toys while talking to yourself. He watched you for a minute until he saw you stretching your neck. Normally he would’ve thought nothing of it until he realized it was happening constantly. At first they were only seconds apart, then you would stop for a few minutes and start again. There wasn’t an exact pattern, but he caught the rhythm of it.

“Buns neck been bothering her?”

“No.” Joel answered absentmindedly, still invested in the papers he wished he could use as a coaster without consequence.

“You sure?”

“Yeah I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be sure?” Joel asked, getting annoyed by the fact he kept getting interrupted with his task.

“ ‘Cause she keeps stretchin’ it like it’s bothering her.”

Joel looks up at Tommy who had a slight worried look on his face. Joel then turns around in his chair to see what his brother was talking about. And true to his little brother’s words there you were stretching your neck and shoulder in a way that looks painful if he’s being honest. Joel turned back around to his brother with an equally concerned look. He leans closer towards him and lowers his voice before he started talking signaling Tommy to do the same.

“I don’t know why she does that, and every time I ask her if she’s ok she tells me she’s fine.”

“Maybe she has a crook in her neck.”

“No, if it was a crook we would know. She would be a lot worse. She tends to panic when she has one of those, and doesn’t do a lot of moving around. To stop the ‘bouncy feeling’. This. This is something else. And it’s been getting more frequent lately.”

“Frequent?”

“Yeah, this started a few months ago. It’ll leave and come back after a few weeks, but like I said it’s been happening a lot more often lately. She does it with her hands and wrist too.”

“Hm.”

Joel turned back towards his youngest. “Babygirl, you okay?” He said in a tone reserved for only you and Sarah when she’s upset about something.

You look up from your toys, bright innocent eyes finding your father’s concerned ones.

“Yeah.”

“You sure? Your neck not bothering you?”

“No.” You replied while standing up from your place on the floor and walked over to your father. When you got close enough he automatically picked you up and sat you on his thigh.

“Then why do you keep rollin’ it around honey?”

“I’m not.” Joel frowned in confusion. He’s clearly watching you do it so, either you’re lying for some unknown reason or you just don’t know that you’re doing it. But he’s always able to tell just by asking one question.

“Are you telling me the truth?” Simple, but it works. It was a question he would ask you every time he would think you were lying. And every time you answer you have a tell. When you tell the truth you tend to answer pretty confidently, but when you lie, you always fiddle with something whether it be your clothes, your fingers, or just bouncing your foot.

“Yes.” There’s no fidgeting. Covering up how even more confused he was in the moment he just nodded in understanding even though he didn’t.

“Ok baby, you want to go back to playin’ with your toys?”

“Yeah.” You replied getting down from your father’s lap before he even had the chance to put you down. Then you ran off to start back playing until Sarah came back down the stairs.

“(N/n), story time.” Hearing that you stood up and headed over to the couch with your sister. Before you sat down you picked up your stuffed bunny, Tommy got it for you when you were two. They used to use it to stop you from crying, but now you take it wherever you go. You laid down across the couch with Sarah and had your bunny in front of you in the same position you were to Sarah. She opened the book to where you two left off and started reading stopping at every few paragraphs to let you read.

Joel watched the two of you, his world. He would never understand how a mother would want to give this up.

“Have you thought about getting her checked out?” Tommy’s voice broke Joel from his thoughts.

“Checked for what?” Joel asked frowning at his brother.

“Joel, are you serious? Something could be wrong.”

“She’s fine, Tommy. She’ll grow out of it.”

“Grow out of it? Don’t you want to make sure?”

“Tommy, please.” Now Joel was lying. To himself especially. But that is understandable, what parent wants to accept that something may be wrong with their child. It was a scary thing to think about.

“What if it’s somethin’ wrong? Wouldn’t you want to get Bun’ the help she needs as soon as possible.”

“She doesn’t need help Tommy. I’m telling you she’ll grow out of it.”

“Joel-”

“Just let it go.” Joel whispered in a hardened tone, trying to keep his voice down so the girls wouldn’t hear that anything was wrong. “Look, would you order the pizza for tonight. I’m trying to finish up these bills.” Tommy mumbled a ‘sure’ and got up to make the call. He understood why Joel didn’t want to talk about that kind of stuff, what parent does? But knowing his stubborn nature he won’t act on it unless something happens that causes him to. After hearing the voice of the pizza lady on the line, Tommy uses it as a distraction to get his mind off his niece and his stubborn mule of a brother.

January 16, 2003 - 6:30am

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Sarah sat up with a soft groan and stretches, when she heard whining. She turned toward her sister who was hiding under the covers.

“Time to get up (n/n).” Sarah was about to stand up until she heard you cry out. She pulled back the covers to see you in a fertile position, hands covering your ears, eyes squeezed shut. “Come on (n/n), we- what’s wrong?” Sarah asked starting to panic seeing a tear fall from your eye.

“Too loud!” Sarah was confused for a second before she remembered the alarm was still going off. She quickly reached over to turn it off, and brought you into her arms. She laid you on her chest, rocking you back and forth while rubbing the top of your head, and she softly shushed you until you calmed down. When Sarah heard your cries turn into sniffles and looked down at you.

“You okay?” She asked softly rubbing the top of your head. She was confused as to why you reacted this way but, whatever the reason, it had her extremely worried. After seeing you nod your head she was able to relax, but she knew she still needed to tell dad about what just happened. Sarah got you up so, the both of you could start your morning routine. Everything went semi-smoothly, but that’s to be expected after your reaction to the alarm clock she’s not all that shocked about your agitated behavior. Sarah had just finished fixing your shirt when there was a knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, you girls almost ready?”

“Yep, we were just about to head down for breakfast.” Sarah stood from her kneeling position in front of you, letting you know that she was finished. And after going to tuck your bunny in bed you walked over to Joel.

“Unfortunately, you two are going to have to eat breakfast at school.” He said as he picked you up.

“Ew, why?” Sarah asked.

“Well your Uncle Tommy called and said there’s been an emergency at the house we’re working on so, when he pulls up we gotta go.” He grabbed your book bag and started down the stairs since you had decided to fall back asleep, not that he blamed you if he could he would have too. A minute later Tommy pulls up and surprisingly the Adlers weren’t outside, then again they were leaving a little earlier than usual. But, either way they didn’t have time to stop and talk. Sarah was dropped off first, then you. And it wasn’t until Sarah sat down in her first period class when she realized she forgot to tell her dad what happened this morning.

———

Time Skip

Normally, when school gets out you would ride home with Denise, due to her daughter going to the same school and Sarah’s school getting out 10 minutes after your school does. Then add another 20-30 minutes of her having to take the school bus then the city bus to get home. When Sarah makes it to the neighborhood she has to pass by Denise house to get to yours which is when she picks you up, but today didn’t work out that way. It started when Joel got a phone call from your school.

Joel and Tommy were currently managing the workers that were doing the framework of the building they were working on. Well Tommy was, Joel was trying to keep calm while talking to the construction manger.

“Look all I’m saying is we should be getting paid more since we’re working more hours than what we were told we would be working, don’t you think.” The construction manger has been going back and forth with Joel for about 10 minutes now, way too long for Joel’s liking.

“No, I don’t. Especially since the reason we’re in this situation is because you guys didn’t do your jobs right in the first place. You’re lucky you’re still gettin’ paid the amount that was agreed upon.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that if you and your guys spent as much time working as you do talking and taking breaks you probably would’ve done your jobs right the first time, and we wouldn’t be in this situation, or behind a day.” The manger didn’t take too kindly to that statement, and Joel was so close to losing his nerve until he was saved by the bell, literally. Right before he was about to tell the construction manager that he can stick it where the sun don’t shine, his phone started ringing.

Joel sighed while taking his phone out of the carrying case to see it was the preschool calling much to his confusion. He didn’t even notice the construction manager was still talking.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it up with Tommy.” He said while waving him off and answering his phone. “Hello.”

“Mr. Miller.”

“Yeah.”

“This is Elizabeth, (Y/n)’s teacher. We need you to come to the school.” Joel immediately sighs, dragging his hand over his face.

“What’d she do?” He replies in an exhausted tone. He never gets calls from your schools unless it’s to let him know he needed to bring a change of clothes for you. All the preschoolers have to have an extra pair of clothes that’s to be kept in the classroom just in case the kids have an accident or something. But you’ve been acting out a lot lately, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it was for something like that.

“It may be better for you to come up to the school so we can explain it to you face-to-face.” Joel didn’t like the way this was sounding. It was hard for him to pinpoint the emotion that was coming off her voice, which worried him more.

“Okay, I’m on my way.” He sighed while hanging up the phone. He walked over to Tommy who looks like he actually did tell the construction manager to shove it, going off the look on the of their faces. “Tommy, I need you to watch over everything here for a while.”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“That was (Y/n)’s school, they need me to go up there.”

“Is everything okay with bun’?”

“I don’t know her teacher wouldn’t tell me anything. I’m sure she’s fine, she probably just got into it with a kid in her class again.”

“Okay, call me when you find out what’s goin’ on.”

“I will. Alright I’m off, and make sure they actually do their job correctly this time.”

“I got it, go on.”

After that Joel made his way to the truck. Even though he says he’s sure she’s fine, he couldn’t help but worry about you. The tone of your teacher didn’t sound good at all. She sounded worried. And sad? Were you sick? He could deal with a common cold, but your teachers tone indicated something worse than that. And there has been a deadly virus going around the world, it hasn’t made it to America yet at least that’s what they’re telling everyone. But what if it has made it over seas? There’s no cure for it, and what if you had it? That couldn’t happen, to you or Sarah. He wouldn’t know what he would do if he lost one of you. No. Stop. That’s not going to happen. That would never happen. He hates when his mind gets like this, but as a single father the need to protect the two of you is the most important thing to him, and that makes him worry even more because that’s something he can’t ever fail at, and he doesn’t even want to think what’ll happen if he does.

He gets out of the truck and speed walks towards your classroom. He had gotten into his own head, but there’s something inside of him that’s telling him this is as serious as it feels.

“Mr. Miller.” He turns upon hearing his name being called, seeing your teacher standing in the doorway of the office.

“Where is she?” He asks as he makes his way to her. Once he got close enough he realized the tone in her voice wasn’t sadness, but pity? Why would she pity him, and where were you?

“She’s in the principals office. But! But before you go in we should probably explain what happened and why.” She said stopping him from brushing past her.

“What did she get into a fight with another kid or somethin’?” Joel ask impatiently.

“No-”

“Okay, then it can wait.” He moves to fast for her to stop and walks into the principals office to see you sitting in a chair with dried tear stain down your cheeks. He quickly kneeled in front of you gently grasping your hands in his.

“What’s wrong, babygirl. What happened?”

“I wanna go home.” You mumbled

“Ok, you want to tell me why?”

“Mr. Miller, we really need to talk to you.” The principal finally spoke up motioning to the officer hallway. He huffed as he stood up and followed the principal out, but not before he kissed your forehead and told you that he would be back.

“Okay, what’s so important that you had to drag me away from my daughter, who’s been crying? And why is she crying? I swear if that Richardson kid put her hands on her again-” He was annoyed with everyone at this point everyone besides you obviously, he just doesn’t understand why they couldn’t tell him while he comforted his daughter.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Miller. We just didn’t want to make her think that she was in trouble, we just got her to calm down.”

“So, she’s fine?”

“Physically, yes.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“Ms. Elizabeth?” The principal could he was getting upset so she found it best to let your teacher explain what happened.

“Mr. Miller.”

“Would y’all stop calling my damn name and actually tell what the hell’s going on with my daughter?

“Well (Y/n) has been in an agitated mood all day, but that’s not the problem. Uhm, the kids just got back from lunch about 30 to 40 minutes ago, and after they eat I usually let them have play time before I start their last lesson for the day before nap time. Today during play time (Y/n) had a little outburst.” Elizabeth knew she was beating around the bush, but that’s because she has heard this conversation happen many times with other teachers and parents and most often than not the parents don’t respond to well.

“Little outburst?”

“Well not really an outburst, but more of a meltdown. This is the special needs teacher, Ms. Thomson, and a friend of mine so I know what signs to look out for in a child. And (Y/n) has been showing these signs since the beginning of the year. They can be overlooked especially in girls and be seen as ‘normal’ and in a way it is. For her anyway.”

“What are you talking about? Signs for what?” Joel asked in frustrated tone.

Ms. Elizabeth look over at the special needs teacher to nervous to continue, and to make sure that she’s positive of (Y/n)’s condition. To which her friend responded with a nod.

“We think (Y/n) has autism. And before you say anything, the signs are all there. I’ve been watching her since her first day of becoming my student. And we highly recommend that she be tested.”

“What? She’s not autistic. I think I would know if my daughter had autism. Look at her, does she look autistic to you?”

“Autism doesn’t always have a look Mr. Miller, and just because she doesn’t have a physical disablement doesn’t mean she’ll be any less autistic than someone with one. That’s why we recommend getting her tested to find out how far she is on the spectrum.”

“You sound so sure that, that’s what it is. How did y’all come up with autism from her having a ‘meltdown’? And what do you mean by meltdown?”

“Well after I sent the kids to go off and begin playing I noticed (Y/n) hadn’t moved from the table, she just sat there, covering her ears with tears in her eyes. She had been in that position since they came back from lunch. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me the other kids were being too loud. But before I could offer a solution the students behind us started screaming louder than what they were, which triggered somewhat of chain reaction with the rest of the class, so I turned around make sure everything was ok but when I that’s when (Y/n) ran to the bathroom and locked herself in. I had to send the other kids to sit in a classroom with another teacher. (Y/n) was crying. Sobbing. When I unlocked the door she was sitting in the corner squeezing the sides of her head so hard it looked painful. All to try and block out the world because it was too much for her. It broke my heart to see her like that because (Y/n) is sweetest little girl I’ve ever met, and to see her in pain like, any child, it’s a hard thing to see. I had to wrestle with her a little to keep her from hurting herself, but I was able to get her calm enough to sit her in my lap and have her hold onto me while I called Ms. Thomson, who was able to calm her further until she reassociated with everything around her.

“Pain?” That’s when the special needs teacher finally decided to step in and say something.

“It’s called a sensory overload, Mr. Miller. It’s very common in the Autism Spectrum. It’s when someone on the spectrum becomes to overwhelmed with the world around them, and if they can’t find some kind of outlet from everything more than likely it’s going to cause a break down in one way or another.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s autistic-“

“Mr. Miller. Does (Y/n) walk on her tippy toes?

“Yeah, but all babies do that.”

“How does she act when she is in a large crowd or around someone she doesn’t know.” Ms. Thomson was completely calm while asking these questions. Knowing that getting agitated or saying something wrong could keep you from getting the help you need.

“The same as any other kid.”

“Does she get in mood where she doesn’t want to talk or just can’t talk in general?”

“Ok look, you’re only naming things all kids do.”

“Yes, but like every thing else on the spectrum there’s a line where it occurs more than it should. Let me ask you one more question Mr. Miller.

He doesn’t even reply he only took a breath to let her know he didn’t want to talk about the topic anymore. Still in denial, even after everything they just told him.

“Does she tend to twitch, or repeat her movements? Have you ever seen her stiffen or strain her body?” Joel didn’t even reply.

“Your silence speaks volumes Mr. Miller. Please, get her tested. It will help her make it in a society that wasn’t made for her. Giving her benefits she can use to even the playing field with neurotypicals. Don’t you think she deserves that?” Joel really didn’t want to accept this. Knowing that if you are autistic, you’ll face more difficulties in life. All because you were different. Difficulties you’re already facing, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“What do I need do to get her tested?” Joel asked after his little debate. All he can hope that the test comes out as negative, but that’s a long shot, given the special needs teacher already seems so sure, the test was just to confirm it.

Ms. Thomson who was smiling after hearing his agreement answered him. “Nothing, I already have an appointment set up for her with a neurodevelopmental pediatrician, who is also a good friend of mine. So, as soon as she finishes with the evaluation you will get the results. I just needed your approval.”

“Okay. Uh, thank you.”

“No problem.”

“Is it ok if I take her home?” Joel ask looking towards your teacher.

“Yes, I think that’s the best thing for her right now. Being in her safe space with all her things will help her get some much needed rest. I will write down the appointment information and what you’ll need for the evaluation and put it in her backpack for you.”

“Thank you.” After that Joel walked back into the office to see you playing with one of the pens on the principals desk in one hand and your head laying on top of the other. “Hey babygirl. You want to go home?” He asked as he kneeled in front of the chair, while making sure to keep his voice at a low level. Once you nodded he stood up, gently grabbed your hand, and the two of you went to get your bag and appointment information.

January 20, 2003 - 1:00 p.m.

Joel and Tommy were on their lunch break at a burger place when Joel’s phone started ringing. He cleaned his hands and took his phone out it’s carrying case before answering. “Hello?”

“Is this Joel Miller?” A woman’s voice.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, good. This is Tonia, the neurodevelopmental pediatrician that did (Y/n)’s evaluation.”

“Right, so what were the results?”

“Well, the documents are ready for you to come and get them, and I will break everything down once you get here, if you want.”

“Uhhhh yeah, I’ll be there in about 20-25 minutes.”

“Ok, see you then. Bye bye.”

“Bye. Get up Tommy, we gotta go.”

“I’m still eatin’”

“Tommy, bring it with you. Jesus.” Joel mumbled as he rolled his eyes at his younger brother.

They made it to the building, and Joel was doing his best to remember the way to the correct office while also trying to calm his anxious mind. When they made it to the office, Joel knocked on the door frame of the open door before walking in Tonia’s office.

“Here you go.” She said as she handed the papers to Joel who noticed it was about 15 pages.

“Wha-what am I looking at?” He asked looking up at the pediatric who let out a low chuckle, she gets the same reaction from almost all of the parents she encounters.

“Well first things first, I’ve concluded (Y/n) does have ASD. She is what we call a high-functioning autistic, and I came up with that diagnosis based on her teacher’s observations, your own, and from the activities I had her to do. The evaluation explains everything of what that means in detail like her sensitivity to sounds, her not liking to touch certain things, lack of social skills, etcétera.”

“So, what does this mean for her?”

“Well, she can stay in Ms. Elizabeth’s class, there’s no need to move her to the special needs class permanently. But she does have special education, and all that means is that Ms. Thomson will take her in her classroom to help her find ways to calm herself when she feels herself getting overstimulated. Or if she can’t and Ms. Elizabeth sees she is getting overwhelmed or she tells Ms. Elizabeth she’s getting overwhelmed they’ll send her to Ms. Thomson class or a quiet place for her to calm down. And maybe she’ll even have better luck with making friends in the special needs classroom than she does in her regular class. And education wise it means when she gets test she can go to a different classroom to take it and she’ll be able receive more time on any tests she has to take as well.” She looked up from her notes, making sure she got all the main checkpoints, but when she did Joel’s face told her everything she needed to know.

“Mr. Miller, the worst thing you can do for her is to feel bad for her. There’s no reason too.”

“No reason to? The whole point of this was to make sure she gets the help she needs to keep up with everyone else.”

“No, the reason for this was to make sure she had the help if and when she needs it. Academically (Y/n) is one of the smartest kids in her class, actually in her grade. It might take more effort, but she’s keeping up with her classmates. Some of the worst things you can do is pity her, hold her back due to being overprotective, or use it as an excuse to make her seem more fragile. I’m not saying she’s not going to have challenges because she is, but all you have to do is stay beside and make sure she keeps working at it till she gets it. And stay way from describing her condition as ‘slow’ or ‘retarded’. And you can’t punish her because of her stimming or overstimulated behavior. Not saying that you would! I mean- you just wouldn’t believe how many parents would get agitated and angry about things their child can’t control, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re attentive to her, and that’s something she’s going to need from you growing up.” Joel nodded in understanding still skimming through the evaluation packet.

“Thank you for doing this in such short notice.”

“No problem. She’s one of the sweetest kids I’ve met. And cutest.” That caused a smile to appear on Joel’s face. He hasn’t been able to smile much since Thursday, always thinking about you and the whole situation. Which has been weighing on his mind literally 24/7.

“Thank you for this, you have a nice day.” He said before turning around to leave out the office.

“You as well.” She replied also smiling at Tommy, who smiled and winked back, reaching his goal of getting her to laugh.

Joel barely made through the door before Sarah hit him with a “what’d she say?”

“Uhhh- where’s (Y/n)? And how’d you know she called?”

“She called the house phone first. And (Y/n) is upstairs, I just got her out the tub, which she didn’t like, at all.”

“She didn’t want to get out?”

“No, she didn’t want to get in. But she should be finished putting on her pajamas by now.”

“Ok, go get her and I’ll tell y’all the results.”

“Ok.” Sarah ran upstairs to get you, when you both got down stairs and sat on the couch, Sarah sat on the right side of Joel, and he picked you up and sat you on his lap tucking you into his side.

“How was school today, honey.” Joel turning his head towards you.

“Good. Ms. Elizabeth gave me headphones to put on my ears when everything got too loud again.”

“Did she? That was real nice of her.”

“Yeah. How was your day, daddy?”

“It was really good, babygirl. Thank you for asking.” The smile you gave him made his whole day. He thought back to what the pediatrician said about not pitying you because that’s not something you need from him. Looking at you now he realized she was right. He’s going to do his best to give you what you need. Whatever it may be, and he knows you’re going to grow into a smart and beautiful woman. He reached down and kissed your temple getting laugh out of you, a sound he would never get tired of.

Joel turned his towards Sarah, about to ask her how her day went stopped him before he started.

“My day was fine, the same. What did she say?” Joel paused for a second before he chuckled at her before pointing to the where he sat the evaluation.

“That’s the paper, she gave me that explains everything.” He blinked and Sarah had the papers in her hand, while she started reading he turned back to you to explain everything to you somehow.

“Ok babygirl. Do you remember test you had to take with the lady a few days ago?” After you nodded he continued. “You remember she told you it’s going let us know if you think differently than everybody else?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it turns out you do.”

“Is that bad?”

“No! No, no, no. It’s not bad at all, and don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Ok?”

“Ok.”’

“All it means is some things may be a little harder or more overwhelming to you than other people, but it also means better at other things too.”

“Like what?”

“Like being artistic, and solving puzzles. But it also means you can be smarter than others in your class. You may have to learn some things in a different way, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be smarter. You already are. Ms. Elizabeth told me you were one of the smartest people in your grade.”

“She did!?”

“She did.”

“Wow.” You whispered in awe.

“Yeah, that’s a big deal, and daddy is so proud of you. You remember that, ok? No matter how big you get.”

“I promise, daddy.”

“Good. I love you babygirl.” He said, pressing another kiss to your temple.

“I love you too, daddy.” You said placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Awwwww, that’s so sweet. What are we eating for dinner? I’m hungry.” Sarah interrupted and Joel huffed out a laughed placing a quick kiss on her temple as well.

“I’m proud of you too baby.”

“I know, dad.” She said softly smiling.

“How about we go out for dinner? I really don’t feel like cookin’.”

“Fine with me. Come on (Y/n), let’s go put some clothes on.”

“Okay!” You said as you jumped up from Joel’s lap and ran off to catch up to your big sister.

A/n: Long story short the story was too long🤭🙇‍♀️😭 so I decided to split it into two parts. I hope you guys enjoy, sorry I took so long. But I love you guys for being patient, I really appreciate it.

#joel miller x autistic!reader #joel miller x platonic!reader #joel miller x daughter!reader #joel miller x reader #hbo tlou #tlou fanfiction #A New Diagnosis #joel miller x autistic!daughter!reader #joel miller x autistic daughter!reader

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writerbri · 15 days

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This is a short fluff without plot bucktommy drabble. I want to get into writing them more including the dom!tommy sub!buck fic that won't leave me alone, but I just wanted to write something simple to get a feel for them. It's been so long since I actually wrote anything for the show that it feels like I'm brand new to it, tbh.

•••

"I wish I knew you sooner."

Buck breathes the words like a confession, almost hoping they'll go unheard. He doesn't even know where the thought came from, but it seems to play on repeat in his mind as soon as he speaks it into existence.

It's too early in the morning after a too long shift, and he knows that it's still mostly dark outside without having to look. There's a chill in the air but he's warm, burrowed beneath messy covers and curled back-to-chest in the arms of a man who runs hot more often than not.

Not just any man.

His boyfriend.

Buck's mouth twitches into a smile he can't quite contain as he tugs on the arm draped lazily over his waist. Tommy grumbles out a series of syllables that might be words if he weren't every bit as tired from his own shift, but he doesn't pull back.

He moves even closer, if possible, nuzzling at the back of Buck's neck and pressing a soft kiss just behind his ear. Goosebumps break out over his skin at the sensations and Buck is helpless to the swell of utter contentment that blooms in his chest.

He almost thinks that his wish might come true, and that Tommy may not have heard him, as he traces his fingers over the grooves and scars on Tommy's hand. He aligns their palms and notes, not for the first time, that his own hand is ever so slightly smaller. It's something that pleases him more than he can really express.

"M'not sure you'd've liked me sooner," Tommy says, his voice rough with sleep in a way that does things to Buck.

He feels a low tug of something hot in his belly, and can't help the shiver that wracks his body. Tommy mistakes it for something else and pulls his hand away, much to Buck's chagrin, to tug the covers up higher over them both.

"I would've," Buck argues, almost petulant in his disbelief, taking his hand back to lace their fingers.

Tommy snorts quietly, dropping another kiss to his shoulder.

"I'm sure you've heard the stories," he says, a note of regret in his tone.

Buck more than understands, even if their situations weren't quite the same.

"There's more than a few stories about me floating around," he says casually, because talking about the man he once was doesn't sting like it used to. "I've hit a few rough patches. It took a long time for me to understand why everyone didn't just write me off. Sometimes I still wonder if they should've."

It's a lingering insecurity that Buck didn't really mean to voice, and he shrinks in on himself before he can help it. He hears the sheets rustle behind him as Tommy shifts, propping himself up on one elbow and slipping his other hand free to rub his thumb over the tense muscles of Buck's shoulder.

"I've heard how they all talk about you, Evan. You're loved by everyone, more than you know."

Buck lets the words cover him like a blanket, his eyes falling closed at Tommy's gentle kneading.

"Well, I went through a few software updates to get here, I guess."

Tommy laughs unexpectedly, bright and carefree, and Buck can't help but smile at the sound of it.

"Software updates?"

Buck doesn't bother explaining it all to him, instead rolling on his back to finally face him. Tommy's hair is messy in the dim morning light, still curly from the short shower he took before stumbling into bed. He has a few days worth of scruff on his jaw that looks unimaginably good on him, and Buck feels that tug of want again.

"Just had to figure out some stuff about myself along the way," he says dismissively, running his hand over Tommy's arm and appreciating the strong curve of his biceps beneath his touch.

Being with a man comes with a wealth of new experiences, and new discoveries about himself. Realizing just how much he likes dating someone who is every bit as strong as himself is among those realizations.

"Well, it's a good thing you haven't had any recent earth-shattering revelations about yourself, huh?" Tommy teases.

Buck grins in response, shuffling on the bed until he's laid out underneath him. Tommy doesn't miss a thing, one eyebrow lifting as he moves slowly until his hands are planted on either side of him. Buck lets his legs fall open without really thinking about it, but Tommy stays hovering over him.

"You think maybe you wish that you'd have figured out all of this sooner instead?" he asks, tipping his head to the side.

Buck knows what he means, and there's no denying that he wishes he'd have figured himself out long ago. He thought that he knew what it was like to feel wholly himself until the moment he realized that his jealousy wasn't aimed quite where he thought. But that doesn't mean he wishes any less that he'd met Tommy sooner. He suspects it may have saved him a lot of grief.

"I do," Buck admits, stroking his fingers lazily over Tommy's arm. "But both can be true, right?"

Tommy's eyes grow soft, and he finally sinks down into the cradle of his hips as his hand lifts to cradle Buck's cheek.

"Of course."

Turning his head, Buck brushes a light kiss over his wrist and earns an eye-crinkling smile for it.

"Sweetheart," Tommy murmurs, running his thumb over Buck's bottom lip.

He kisses the pad of his thumb too, just for good measure. Tommy exhales a soft breath as if he's giving into some unspoken temptation and he drops down completely, his weight trapping Buck against the mattress in the best possible way.

He shudders as Tommy's lips find his own, coaxing him into a deep kiss. It lasts and lasts, and Buck is breathless when they break apart. Tommy drops a line of kisses along his jaw, each more tender than the one before, and it's all he can do not to melt right then and there.

"I wish I knew you sooner too," Tommy whispers right in his ear, his words soft and laced with affection. "But I'm so glad I know you now."

Buck hums his agreement, hitching his leg high on Tommy's hip as he turns his face for another kiss. It won't be long until their exhaustion hits again, but he's content to take advantage of what time they have until then.

And, as Tommy gives into his wordless plea and kisses him, Buck knows that he wouldn't change a thing about the life that's brought him here.

He knows that this exactly where he's meant to be.

#bucktommy #buck x tommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 #911 abc #bucktommy fanfic #bucktommy fic

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deathsgl4mor · 27 days

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REQUEST: "Can you deliver sum Thomas headcanons? like, some SFW but then sum NSFW at the end, ty hun 😚— Also, can I be 💄 anon? If you do stuff like that ofc."

A/N: yes, of course! also, i love the emoji anons, so you'll be 💄 anon now. anyways, thanks for the first ask! i didn't think i'd get one with how little my account is and the such few posts, lmao.

CW: +18 under cut, Hoyt, murder//gore//violence, breeding kink, sexual themes, fluff

SUMMARY: Headcanons for Thomas Hewitt: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Beginning, 2003

{short-ish}

GENERAL HEADCANONS

tommy loves whenever you give him baths, washing his hair and all that. i guess that's just him missing physical affection

is damn sure that you don't get between him and the victims or around the victims in general. he couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt in the slightest and he'd never forgive himself

he makes sure that you and his mother, miss mae as you call her, get along well. which you do. she's happy she found at least someone for her boy

often times he stays in the basement late but is quick to pay more attention to you than anyone else, immediately going to you if you want him by your side in any way. and I mean ANY way.

NSFW HEADCANONS

is a switch. he doesn't mind whenever you're below him, taking all the pleasure he delivers or if you're riding him as he can't help but be so noisy at the sight and feeling of you being so... generous, let's just say

always has a hand on your hip or breast, if you have them. no matter the position, he'll be grabbing at one of the two. male? he'll just hold onto you by the bicep/man titty ♡

loves the mating press position or cowgirl. still, doesn't matter the gender as the both of them are gender neutral... well... most sex positions are but those are just preferred.

if you're a woman, he's gonna be a little more aggressive with you but that's just cause he needs to finish up and get away from you quicker since if he takes his time, he'll get lost in it and will probably end up fucking you till you faint, or your hole is too filled to fit any more; that doesn't stop him good enough though.

every time he notices his seed leaking out of whatever hole of yours he had just stuffed, he'll finger it back in. even if you're infertile, it just does something to him.

if you're needy while he's in the middle of something, do whatever you need. just don't disrupt his work or do anything when there's company.

THANKS FOR THE ASK, 💄‼️‼️

#texas chainsaw massacre #thomas hewitt #x reader #slashers #slash fanfiction #hefty boy #slasher fucker #much love #💄#anonymous #send asks #first ask #thanks anon!#thomas hewitt fic

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favcharacterpoll · 8 months

Text

ROUND 4 MATCH 12: C!WILBUR VS. STAN

c!Wilbur Soot from the DSMP faces Stanley Pines from Gravity Falls. Who do you like more? obligatory @10piecechickenmcnugget tag because your man is RUNNING THE GAUNTLET

c!Wilbur Propaganda:

"Accurate depiction of mental health and spiral, handled delicately and deliberately, every piece of his story was thought and planned and in the end he went home to Utah. Thank you lord."

"Please don’t let the name dream smp effect how you feel about this submission, this character is completely unrelated to dream and I’m pretty sure the person who played him has nothing to do with dream anymore. This man single handedly got me through a horrible patch filled with extreme paranoia by also being extremely paranoid. Genuinely really helped me feel seen and I coped a lot by getting invested in this character. I almost cried when he died :("

"He’s so fucking stupid. I could infodump for hours this man transed my gender. Everything has gone wrong in his life. He’s the definition of a bisexual disaster."

"I didn’t fail 10th grade math bc I was thinking about c!wilbur for him to lose round one"

"I mean look at him!! his Minecraft skin is adorable!!!"

"if you people vote for cwilbur i'll draw him in a bikini."

"A VOTE FOR C!WILBUR IS A VOTE FOR GIRLBOYS EVERYWHERE"

"i should not have underestimated minecraft fans they came together"

64.media.tumblr.com

"Season 1 changed me. I didn’t know minecraft videos could have good acting, dramatic plots, etc. Wilbur was one of the best there. His plot was so interesting with the L’Manburg and the unfinished symphony arcs. He was funny, dramatic, sad… I fondly remember my dsmp days (though I only saw up to like part of Tommy’s exile)"

Stan Propaganda:

"from the same creature that submitted ford and was too tired for actual propaganda. they’re pretty cool huh"

"That propaganda is disgraceful but I'm also too tired to write up any big things for it"

"Hi that lack of propaganda for Stan Pines is offensive to me personally so here's some fun stuff:

He's punched zombies AND an all-powerful demon to death for the sake of protecting his family. He spent thirty years trying to turn on a portal to the Multiverse to get his twin brother back. He still thinks sacrificing his entire being is all that he's good for, and that makes my heart so sad. He loves his family and his family loves him. He's a silver fox. He also punched a pterodactyl in the face because he felt so bad about lying to his niece and getting her pet pig kidnapped that he had to fix his mistake (and yes, he did get the pig back). His nemesis was a ten-year-old child psychic whom he knew was a fraud because the kid didn't even realize his name wasn't actually Stanford.

Man of all time. Character of all time."

#polls #dsmp wilbur #c wilbur #wilbur soot #wilbur dsmp #dsmp #gravity falls stanley #stan pines #gruncle stan #stanley pines #gravity falls

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minustwofingers · 11 months

Text

exoplanet p.6 (ellie’s journals)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: a significantly different writing voice! this is going to be a very different vibe from the other chapters since i had to write it as i imagine ellie would (which is a lot different than i do). slight nsfw content (mdni), language, mentions of violence/gore, angst, ellie’s pov is actually really depressing

a/n: soooo i know it’s been almost 3 months...and i’m really sorry about that! a lot of stuff happened in my life and i kind of fell off writing for quite some time. but i finish series, so i’m going to get through exoplanet in its entirety so i can finally give you all closure. some preliminary notes: know that these are modeled after how i imagine ellie would journal if she did journal this much. canonically she didn’t do that much writing that follows a narrative like it does here. i think it’s honestly a little ooc for her to be emotionally responsible enough to talk out her feelings, but given that there’s no other way to tell her side of the story (save for legit rewriting it from her perspective, which would take another 6 months or so and be horrifically repetitive), i decided to just suck it up and write it. i’m sorry if it sounds awkward, since she definitely doesn’t write in a voice that i have much experience with. the next chapter will be better!

word count: 5.5k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28

(i haven’t updated this yet bc my tags aren’t working)

a special special SPECIAL thanks to both @roarriita and @elliesflower for being soooo sexy and betaing for me. you both are so wonderful and helped me sm in feeling good enough to post this :)

without further ado, enjoy ellie’s journals!

January 20th, 2038

Today’s been…fucking…

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t get why this sort of shit always happens to me. First it was being bit and somehow surviving. Then it was getting carted off across the country. And now some girl basically falls out of the sky, claiming that she comes from some sort of paradise up North?

I’ll spare the immediate details. I don’t think I’ll forget the basic stuff—her name, the way she looked clutching at her knees in the clearing and shaking. That stupid shirt she had on and that expensive scarf.

I still want to believe that she’s just a liar who happened to get lucky with running into us, but even without Joel vouching for her story, I don’t think I’d ever be able to buy that she’d been living in the same world as us. I’ve never met someone without scars before. I didn’t know that there were people out there who didn’t have marked up arms and faces. Or people without calluses. Did you know that hands can be totally smooth?

Anyway. Tommy says that he’ll try and reach out across the contacts he has. Joel has her living right down the hall from me in the meantime, so now I have to share my bathroom. Hopefully the Terranovan authorities are good at finding people. She takes so fucking long to shower. It’s a wonder the whole compound still has hot water.

[One page of drawings follows: Dina smiling in the snow on her horse, Joel playing his guitar]

January 25th, 2038

Maria says that they’re thinking about breeding Shimmer soon. I know she told me because that means I’ll need to ride another horse for a little until she recovers and I know that we need another generation of foals, but it still made me cringe for Shimmer’s sake. She’s too free-spirited to be a mother. She doesn’t deserve that.

I went stargazing last night. It was pretty. Lots of shooting stars. I ran into the girl while I was coming back from the meadow. She gave me a weird look, and I could tell she wanted to ask me where I’d been but kept her mouth shut. Sometimes I regret dropping off that bag of clothes. I really fucking liked that gray sweatshirt, actually. I’m not even joking. It looks weird to see it on someone else.

[Half a page of drawing follows of the night sky with labeled constellations]

February 5th, 2038

Long time no see. I’ve been pretty busy with patrols and helping Maria with securing the walls. Joel made me try some of that coffee that our new house guest brought. It was just as awful as I remembered, but he seemed happy. So one point for the space girl. I guess.

Dina’s been hanging around more. She just broke up with Jessie (yes, again). She swears that it’s for good this time, but I’m not so sure. She also talks a lot about Y/N and what little detail she’s gathered about her life back in Terranova. I thought teasing her by asking her if she had a crush on Y/N would make her talk less about it, but it just made things worse.

I miss when things were normal.

[One page of drawings follows: one of Shimmer in cross-ties, another of a girl’s face, half-finished with the face scribbled out]

February 12th, 2038

Today I’m sad. I’m in bed with that book about astronomy that Joel nabbed for me on patrol a while ago and there’s a section I wanted to read that’s completely waterlogged. It shouldn't be a surprise. It’s decades old and has survived through an apocalypse. Normally things like this don’t bug me much because I’m so used to it. Half of my Savage Starlight collection is damaged. I don’t think I’ll ever find the first book to actually complete the series, and that’s okay, because I’ve never expected anything more. But now that I know that there’s a world out there where I’d never have problems like this, stuff like this hurts. It’s so stupid. I’m lucky to be alive. Compared to what’s left of the world population, I live a much cushier life than most. But for the first time in a while, I’m wishing for more.

“Greed is the enemy of happiness” is what Maria would say if I ever said this kind of shit out loud. But is it really? Or is it just realizing what life can be?

[Half a page of a drawing of the solar system, with each planet labeled]

February 22nd, 2038

Maria let me pick the sire for Shimmer’s foal. It felt kind of gross, to be honest. I asked Maria if there was any way for Shimmer to choose and I was only sort of joking, but she just laughed anyway and patted my back. I won’t have to worry about finding a new horse for another two seasons or so, she told me. It’ll be weird not having her for a little.

She also told me that there was still no word from anyone who knew anything about Terranova. She said this to me in this placating voice, like she thought that I was going to punch a hole in the wall or something after hearing it. That seems to be common when it comes to people talking about Y/N and me. I don’t know why so many people think I don’t like her staying with us.

I don’t, by the way. Let me be clear. But I mostly feel indifferent about her now. She doesn’t bother me as much anymore, not since she started getting out of the house. I think she might be helping in the gardens, but I’ve never actually asked. We don’t talk a whole ton. I don’t think she likes me all that much.

[A drawing of Shimmer’s head poking over her stall door that takes up one page]

March 2nd, 2038

Today was finally our first nice day of the year. I would’ve enjoyed it more if the bird that lives in the tree outside my window hadn’t blown me out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning. I’m exhausted now. It’s been a long day. Joel says I need to take Y/N out on patrol soon. Why, I have no idea. Maybe he just wants me to actually befriend her or something, and I do nothing but patrols now. He can’t possibly expect her to be a good patrol partner.

Thankfully, I checked the logs when I came back. The route he wants me to cover with her has been the quietest all season. I doubt we’ll run into anything. If we do, I’ll probably be able to handle it. Hopefully.

[Half a page of doodles, mostly of nature and wildlife with the exception of a half-finished doodle of an arm clad in a fabric that drapes like silk and a hand with polished nails]

March 3rd, 2038

Many surprising things were learned today. I can’t believe it’s illegal to be gay in Terranova. Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—out of all the things they could be bothered by, it’s that? Really?

March 12th, 2038

I haven’t been good at journaling recently. I don’t really want to talk about why. You know why.

[Six pages of drawings, with many unfinished doodles of Y/N—including but not limited to her on her horse, her reading on the couch, and one with her sitting in what is a very loose interpretation of a classroom, taking notes]

March 13th, 2038

I will feel more normal tomorrow. Hopefully.

[Two pages of drawings, all of Y/N. One is her bent over a book, the other is her smiling up at you]

March 14th, 2038

I did something really stupid. I think I should probably just document this here so I don’t accidentally drunkenly spill it all out to Dina at the next bonfire. This is so embarrassing. I don’t get why I feel this way. It’s so stupid, you know? To feel anything towards someone who’s so…I don’t know. Different.

She gives me the weirdest looks sometimes. I can’t tell what they mean. It feels like she’s judging me. And why wouldn’t she be? I bet all the girls she spends her time around back home are just like her—perfect, orderly, pretty, proper. The day before I took her patrolling she gawked at the shorts I was wearing. It was borderline offensive. Actually, fuck that. It wasn’t borderline. It was offensive. You don’t just stare at people like that. She should know that.

Anyway, I invited her over to my room last night. Normal, right? Because we’ve been doing that a little since I took her on patrol, by the way. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. But this time I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m…I don’t know. Creepy? Strange? Scary? She told me that she thought I was intimidating. And then I called her “untouched”, like how some old-timer devout Christian wackjob or whatever would describe virginity. It was so fucking weird of me. I don’t know what got into me, but she kept doing this thing where she kicked my foot with hers or touched my knee and it just threw me off. It took me forever to fall asleep last night—I kept replaying what I’d said to her, especially how I’d told her that she wouldn’t have made it if she were me like I was some sort of hardcore survivalist. I think I embarrassed her. I’m never doing anything like this again. I’m going to be dead sober every time I see her from now on.

I’ll stop talking about that. Y/N did come back after I’d made a fool of myself and showed me her collection of movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. I haven’t watched any movies since I was with Cat. When we first started dating, I’d invite her over and she’d sit right where Y/N did last night. I’m trying to not think of the implications, because it’s space girl, and she’s going home sometime soon.

[Three pages of drawings follow—some nature drawings of ferns and moths, others of Y/N with wet hair, her knees tucked up to her chin like she’d been in Ellie’s bed that night]

March 19th, 2038

It’s the Spring Equinox. That’s the first thing Y/N told me this morning when she saw me in the kitchen this morning. She gave me a mini lecture on what that meant for the planet’s axis tilt and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I already knew, since she seemed really excited to tell me.

I made a horrible discovery yesterday, by the way. Maria came up to me and told me that Tommy had decided to reach out to some of his other buddies up North to see if they had any connections to Terranova, and for the first time, I felt myself hoping that it wouldn’t work.

It’s awful. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Even in Jackson, where things are comparatively much better than the rest of the world, there’s risk. Just this winter, one family had to be kicked out when they were found hiding an infected son. No one here is completely safe, just safer. I shouldn’t be selfish. Y/N needs to go where she’s meant to be, where there’s no chance of infection or invasion. I’ll be fine. I just need to get over whatever this is.

Speaking of her, I need to go get her to tell her that we’re heading out on patrol in just a few minutes. Fingers crossed she doesn’t accidentally shoot me, but Joel swore up and down that she knows how to handle a gun now. Sure. Haha.

I’m back. It’s the middle of the night and she only just left my room. I don’t know how much detail I need to go into—chances are I won’t forget this. But for bookkeeping purposes: patrol did not go so hot. I had to give her stitches without any local anesthesia. I’ve never given stitches to anyone nearly in my lap before. I was really nervous, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had to focus so much on keeping my hands steady when it came to stitching someone up before, not even with Joel.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong about thinking that she didn’t like me. I still can’t tell exactly what she thinks of me, and I know that it’s a really bad fucking idea to be entertaining thoughts like these, but tonight she did something that made me reconsider. She got under the covers with me, and instead of moving away to keep us from touching, she rested her head next to mine on the pillow.

I hope she couldn’t hear how much my heart was racing. People can’t hear that kind of stuff, right? Even if they’re close?

I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she—No. She doesn’t see me like that.

March 21st, 2038

She rested her head on my shoulder today. I don’t know what to think of it. If she was normal and grew up like the rest of us did, I would know exactly what to think. But she’s not normal, and it’s not fair of me to treat her like she is. Maybe this is, like, a culturally acceptable thing back from where she grew up. Maybe rich people just cuddle each other all the time. I wouldn’t fucking know, and unfortunately no one in this godforsaken town can help, because there’s a distinct lack of what Maria calls the “bourgeoisie”. They’re all either dead or back where Y/N grew up, doing whatever rich snobs do.

Even if it is normal for her, I feel like I can’t stop analyzing everything she does. She seems more nervous around me than she does anyone else, but she lingers like she can’t help herself. I’ve noticed that she stumbles over her words and touches me much more than is really necessary. Or at least I think she does—maybe I’m just imagining things.

But even if it means what I think it does, I can’t let myself think like this. It’s not fair to her. No one deserves to live here if they have the choice. At least the people out here know how to handle it. She doesn’t, and I don’t want her to turn into the type of person who does.

When I stitched her up and teased her about being weak and sensitive, I think she thought I was insulting her. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself wallow too much, I’ll wonder what kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t so jaded. Maybe I’d draw more, or read more, or write more. Maybe I’d be an easier person to love. I didn’t get to choose how I turned out. It just happened to me.

So if she has the choice, I’m going to do everything I can to help her make the right one. I don’t want her to be like this.

March 29th, 2038

I had a dream about Riley last night. I haven’t had one of those in years, not since I was traveling with Joel. We were back in the mall, and Riley had just turned the lights on as a surprise. I had this feeling then, like I was being given a second chance. That I could set things straight and do what was right. I woke up before I could insist that we leave.

[A drawing takes up half of the next page. It’s a crude depiction of the mall Riley turned in.]

April 4th, 2038

It’s the middle of the night again. I can’t sleep. I’m so disappointed with myself about what I did tonight with Y/N. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea. She likes me back, apparently. I was right about everything that I wrote about earlier, I guess. But it certainly doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

It’s not like there’s no part of me that isn’t thrilled that she feels the same way. That’s why I gave in and slept with her. But even when she told me how she felt, even before I completely lost my self-control, something heavy was already hanging over me. Regret, maybe. Or guilt. I don’t know. What I do know is that this can’t last. I can’t make this good for her like I want to. She needs to go back, and she needs to be able to feel like she can make that choice without feeling like she’s leaving anything good behind.

I’m not a spiritual person. but even so, I can’t help but feel like that dream of Riley was a sign. This is my second chance. I’m not going to fuck it up this time. I’ve already been an accomplice of so much suffering. Y/N is going home, and I’ll never see her again when she does. That’s that.

It took all I had left in me in the end to kick her out. She looked so hurt, and the fact that she tried to hide it made it even worse. I wish I could tell her why this can’t work, but I don’t think she’d understand.

[A drawing of Y/N kissing Ellie’s palm follows, her hair slightly mussed]

April 6th, 2038

I need to stop making rash decisions like knocking on her door late at night and asking her to come over. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me, because whenever I see her now, I can’t help but freeze up. Like last night, when she kissed me and touched my face and told me she thought I was a good person. I panicked and told her—well, nevermind. I don’t really want to repeat it here. It was mean, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get her to stop.

She was already tearing up by the time she left. I had to sit down and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I was sure I wasn’t going to be sick. I don’t really think I want to write more about this right now. It just makes me sad how unfair this all is. Of course the one time after Cat that I meet someone I really like it just has to be in one of the cruelest scenarios possible. I just have no idea what to do.

[Five pages of drawings follow of Y/N in bed, her head tilted back against the pillow, her eye’s half lidded, and her mouth slightly agape. Ellie redraws this multiple times, x-ing out parts that don’t seem quite right]

April 10th, 2038

I know this is none of my business, but she’s been spending a lot of time with Dina lately. She nearly got herself killed getting a gift for me with Dina yesterday, which feels like some sort of especially cruel joke. The universe isn’t being very fucking subtle right now.

If what I’m worried about is right, at least Dina has the option to come with her up North. She’d test negative.

April 20th, 2038

I would really like it if I could have one short break from the misery that’s my life right now. I turned 20 yesterday, accidentally introduced Y/N to my ex, proceeded to get much drunker than I meant to, completely fell off my rocker and asked Y/N to stay the night, and then discovered this morning that not only has Terranova found Y/N but that my strategy of keeping Y/N at arm’s length completely failed.

She wants me to come with her, and she’s threatening to stay here otherwise. I did the only thing that I could think to do and snapped at her.

I’m so tired of this. I hate having to act like I don’t care. This is the third time now that I’ve had to say something nasty to her to keep her from getting too close. I just want to get in bed and sleep until she leaves and I can pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is normal.

[One page of drawings of Y/N passed out in her bed and Y/N grinning while holding a lopsided cake]

April 28th, 2038

I know I haven’t been writing much again. Sorry about that. I just can’t bear to think about my life right now. I know I should be relieved—this is what I wanted. I wanted her to go where it’s best for her.

But there’s still that selfish part of me that keeps me up at night. Y/N is going to leave this place never knowing how I feel about her. Logically, that should be what I want. This way I won’t need to say a real goodbye. I know I won’t need to now, since she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It’s really fucking immature of me to be so hurt by what she must think of me now, but I can’t stop.

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop feeling sad about this. I’ve never had to process anything like this where there’s nothing I can do. With Riley and Sam, I at least got to heal from the knowledge that I was going to help make the vaccine to save the world. But losing Y/N just because of where we come from is totally meaningless. I can go forward knowing that I made it easy for her to make the right decision, but that only goes so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I’m going to practically live with Dina so I don’t need to be alone for the first few weeks.

I wish May 8th would just come already so she can go away and I can get on with my life.

May 1st, 2038

Things have changed some. Joel cornered me in the kitchen last night and told me that I needed to grow up and just appreciate the rest of the time I had left with Y/N. I was going to agree and try to walk past him, but he stopped me and told me that he needed me to escort Y/N. I guess he’s right. She can’t go alone, and Joel and Tommy are getting a little too old for week-long expeditions into the wilderness.

He also told me that I need to apologize to her and make things right, saying shit like I’d regret it forever if things ended between us like this. I don’t want to admit it, but I think he’s right. When I told him that she’d originally threatened to stay if I didn’t go with her, he blinked, hard. Then he told me that he had an idea.

I’m faking it. I’m telling her that I’m going, even though I’m going to leave her when she gets picked up. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. When I told her in the meadow last night, she was so happy. I know it’s really sappy and cliche to say this, but I felt my heart shatter, bit by bit. I’m not a very good liar, not to people who are important to me. But I suppose I’ve been lying to her all this time, kicking her out of my room and telling her that I didn’t want anything more with her.

I can do this, I think. I have to do this, or else she might threaten to stay, and I don’t think I have it in me to be cruel again. Not to her. I guess I’ll just trick myself into feeling like I’m actually coming with her, like we have a chance of actually being together. I don’t know. We’ll see.

[One drawing of Y/N laying down in the meadow that takes up half a page]

May 3rd, 2038

It’s easier than I expected. Y/N sleeps over in my room at night, and if I don’t think too hard about it, I can pretend like things will always be like this.

I’m getting to be such a sap, though. I almost broke down in the bathroom today while I was getting ready. It was over the stupidest thing—a toothpaste bottle. Y/N always folds it so neatly, making a perfect, tight spiral of plastic near the end. It used to really bother me when I first had to share with her (because who does that—it’s weird and doesn’t do anything since she doesn’t manage to squeeze out the extra in the bottom anyways), but the thought of throwing it out when it finally emptied and having to find another one that’ll never be folded again hit me and suddenly I was counting my inhales and exhales. I don’t really give a shit about toothpaste. It’s just that it was the moment that I realized that she’s really going to be gone soon, you know? Slowly but surely, the evidence of her stay here will be wiped away and replaced. Someday I’ll forget all the little details about her.

She’s knocking on my door. I need to stop being so depressed and go see her before she picks up that something’s wrong.

[One small doodle of Y/N smiling and rolling her eyes while brushing her teeth]

May 6th, 2038

Dina’s coming now. Y/N told me this morning after she went to say goodbye. I feel really shitty about this. I guess I should tell her that I’m not going now, because this way Y/N needs to go home to get Dina the help she needs, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ll have to escort both of them to the pickup spot anyway since Dina’s weaker now that she’s pregnant, and the thought of having to spend a full week with Y/N after she knew I lied to her makes my skin crawl. I can’t tell who I’m trying to protect by doing this—me or her. Maybe both.

I’m losing my two favorite people here, and they don’t even know it yet. But this is the best option. This is my chance to finally do some good in the world.

May 7th, 2038

I’m about to go stargazing with Y/N for the last time. I don’t think I’ll be writing in here again until I get back. I don’t want to risk losing this while I’m out in case something crazy happens. Which it probably will, but I canonically happen to be really good at living when shit hits the fan. Also—I don’t imagine Y/N to be a particularly nosy person, but if she ever came across this and thought it was a book or something, it would make things really awkward. So, you’re staying tucked carefully under my bed until I come back later this month.

I don’t know how to handle this sort of goodbye. I don’t really know how to handle any sort of goodbye, I guess, but at least I’ve been through them before. I may not do it well, but I know how to live when people I love die. But this isn’t like that. No one is dying (hopefully), and more importantly, I know it’s a goodbye this time. I see it coming on the horizon and I can’t even tell anyone about it. How does anyone deal with that? How does anyone cope?

Y/N’s knocking on my door now. I need to go before I start thinking even more and do something stupid like start crying or whatever.

I’ll be back in about two weeks.

June 1st, 2038

Sorry for not writing. It’s been pretty shitty, actually. It took me 5 extra days to get home because some scavengers gave me trouble. I hardly slept for most of them. I ran out of ammo about 4 days out and had to use my knife for everything I ran into until I was able to raid the cabinets of this abandoned cabin. Nearly got taken out by a clicker, too. It was not fun. It was especially not fun because I was not feeling super great to begin with, for obvious reasons.

Things haven’t gotten any better since getting back to Jackson. Y/N didn’t take her stupid Exoplanetary Systems textbook and now I’m struggling with whether or not I should throw it out. The rational side of me says to keep it because it was published after the outbreak and probably contains updated information that isn’t anywhere else. The rest of me doesn’t even want to look at the stars anymore because it reminds me of her.

It’s really hard not to blame her for ruining everything. I can’t go out and ride my own horse without thinking about the first time we went on patrol together and she dropped my gun and nearly killed one of us. And I can’t even relax in my own home, because I’ve spent almost every night with her since March in my bed. Sometimes when I hear a creak in the middle of the night I assume it’s her walking down to the bathroom or getting water until it hits me again that she’s never coming back.

I know I’m being melodramatic. There are many other worse problems I could be having right now. But I don’t even have my best friend anymore. I wonder if Dina and Y/N are angry with me for lying. I wonder if they’re settling in okay. I hope that Y/N manages to fix whatever her research was and that Dina gets better.

[Twenty pages of drawings of Y/N and Dina together. Some are snippets of them on their expedition to the pickup site. Others are pictures of Y/N and Dina walking around with smiles on their faces in what looks to be a city]

June 21st, 2038

It’s been over a month since I’ve last seen her. I had a breakdown while getting ready for bed when I realized that I didn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

[Ten pages of half-finished drawings, each with its face scribbled over]

June 28th, 2038

I don’t think I really remember what she looks like—not exactly. I’ve been trying to draw her because I’m still in the habit of making decisions that are definitely not good for my mental state. I just can’t do it, and it isn’t for the lack of trying. Every time I get to her eyes I keep drawing something that looks wrong, but I can never tell why. I compare it to my earlier drawings of her from when we first met and it feels like meeting her for the first time again.

Joel says it’ll pass and that he’s proud of me for doing the right thing. Jessie and I have been hanging out more. Even if he won’t admit it, I can tell he’s miserable without Dina. But he understands why she had to go—just like how I feel about Y/N. And Dina too, of course. Jackson feels like a ghost town without her.

July 17th, 2038

I haven’t been writing or drawing in here for a while, I know. I was going to just go ahead and start a new journal—you know the one that Maria gave me for Christmas with the dark blue cover—but it didn’t feel right to just stop without explaining. Otherwise I’ll feel like an asshole for wasting so much paper.

I don’t want to move on from what happened with Y/N and Dina. I really don’t, but I don't think I have a choice. If I keep going on like this, I’ll never be able to live normally again. I’m just sick and tired of being sad all of the time. So I’m not going to write here anymore. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to forget all about it, because I don’t want to forget her. Not really. But I guess if I want to get better, I’ll need something different. So, here’s that. The beginning of my fresh start. “Fresh start” and you call me overdramatic!! haha. Y/N was here!

(You left this on your nightstand. I promise I didn’t read too much. I opened it because I thought it was your sketchbook. I’m going to put this back since I hear you walking down the hall now.)

ok as an aside my blog is broken so my stuff isn’t notifying people when i tag/showing up on dashes or in tags. please reblog if you’re comfortable so people can actually find this! thank you!

final a/n: i totally get it if this wasn’t quite your cup of tea this time—i just really wanted to iron out ellie’s pov before their reunion in the end. which is happening and not a spoiler because i have always promised a hea! this was a change in pace for the story and i promise you that the next chapter will be more normal/align more with my normal writing style. i have also changed my mind (probably) and have decided to stick with writing an epilogue! so two more chapters are coming before this is totally over. thank you so much for waiting and being so patient! i love you all dearly ok bye bye now

#ellie williams x reader #exoplanet #not adding tags because i’ll eventually repost #this is just for people who want to read!

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justmeinadaze · 27 days

Text

Finally/Beautiful Stranger (Steddie X You)

A/N: Part of this AU, you don't have to have read the others to understand but it helps!

Also, please feel free to donate or buy me a coffee. Anything helps but of course you don't have to. I will still love you :)

Warnings: Former Addicts Steddie X Fem Y/N, SMUT, slight spanking, dirty talk, very light DOM dynamics touched on, mentions of lose of virginity (as well as the pain that comes along with the first time), FLUFF, These three people love each other very much and all three are happier compared to previous chapters. The talk about their new lives and careers with pride <3.

ANGST, dark themes!! of addiction and recovering addicts explored. Not new for this series but again this one is much lighter than the others. They both discussing cravings and Eddie having a slip a few months prior. Steve works at a center with children of addicts and one boy has a similar situation to Y/N's accident so she helps him through that.

The boys mention regrets including being aggressive with the reader verbally and sometimes physically when they weren't sober so DOMESTIC ABUSE TRIGGER.

There are flashbacks of them as kids so mentions of Eddie and Steve dealing with their toxic dads.

I think that's it! As always go carefully in this AU and if you choose not to read that is ok. I will still love you!

Word Count: 8358

1974

You winced as you landed back first on to the gravel underneath where you had fallen from the jungle gym.

“Oh wow! Are you okay?!” A set of hands gripped your biceps as they helped you get to your feet. “You have some stuff on your dress. Let me…” The boy’s voice trailed off as you felt him dust off the nature that stuck to your outfit.

“Thank you.”, you mumbled as you turned to meet your hero, coming face to face with honey brown eyes and a comforting smile.

“You’re welcome. Are you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse or…?”

“No. I think I’m okay. My, uh, back broke my fall.” You grin when he laughs. “I’m Y/N.”

“Steve.”

“Harrington?”

“Um, yeah?”

“No! Don’t mean to sound mean. The girls in my class think you’re cute. They never shut up about you.”

The boy laughs harder and your grin grows at the sight of his scrunched nose.

“I have no idea why. I’m not that great.”

“I don’t know. I mean…I think you are.” Steve blushes at your answer and you reach out to grab his hand leading him towards the swing set.

The two of you talk casually about things normal children your age talk about like tv shows and music. Shouting suddenly grabs your attention causing you to slow to a stop as a boy runs around the corner and heads towards you both.

“FREAK! THIS ISN’T OVER!”

“Thomas Hagan!”, a teacher yells, blocking him with her body so he can’t follow.

The boy pauses as he leans against pole of the swings trying to catch his breath.

“Are you alright?” He jumped as your hand reached out to touch his arm as he held them up defensively. “Hey. Hey, it’s ok. We won’t hurt you. I’m Y/N and this is Steve.” His chocolate eyes scanned you both over before finally sighing in relief when he realized you weren’t a threat.

“What’s your name?”

“E-Eddie. Eddie Munson.”

“Oh! You’re the kid that just started here. I’m sorry, man. Welcome to hell.”, Steve joked causing an exasperated laugh to leave Eddie’s lips.

“Did Tommy do that to you?”, you ask as you gesture towards his black eye.

Shaking his head, he came over to sit on the swings beside you both.

You couldn’t explain it at the time, not even now, but as you sat there talking to them you felt comfortable. You felt like you had known them your entire life. Nothing in this moment could have prepared you for the future that was headed towards you all.

##########

1993

“Where up north are you, Stevie?”, Eddie asks as he takes a big bite of the burger in front of him.

“I’ve been up in Detroit for a few months now working at a youth clinic. There’s a lot of good kids there who just need some help.”

“I’m proud of you, dude. We’re supposed to head over there to record with this big time producer. What about you, princess? Where do you call home?”

“I don’t actually have a home right now. I’m a writer for a music magazine so I’ve been on the road mostly for the past 2 years listening to bands and staying in hotels.”, you giggle as a huge smile adorns your face. “Maybe soon I’ll get to write about you, Eddie.”

“Here’s hoping. We just got signed but the manager at the label says we ‘really have something’.”

“Of course you do. You guys were always amazing.”

“Pfft, yeah sure. Drugged out me could barely focus on the strings let alone create a melody.”

The table went silent as a heavy energy fell around the table.

“How have things been? Any cravings?”, Steve asks as he folds his arms to lean forward on his elbows.

“Oh, Harrington. I’m an addict. I always have cravings but choose to resist them.”

“Has it gotten any easier. To resist them, I mean.”, you inquire.

“Yes and no. I mean I used to snort blow 24/7 and now I don’t. I can go about my day and live my life but when something hard hits me or I’m having a bad day I have to physically talk myself out of not looking for a fix.”

“I can understand that. There were a few days where I sat outside of bar staring at the front door for hours before driving away.” His eyes flick towards you as he continues. “I still struggle with regret… regret that we…ruined your life.”

“You didn’t ruin my life. You definitely didn’t make it easy but… I should have left or cut ties beforehand. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know how…to live without you two in my life.”

“Yeah. We get that to.”, Eddie sighed as a silence fell around the table.

It had been a long time since the three of you had been together without the vices getting in the way or taking control. You had no idea how to be around them when they were sober.

“Hey, uh, I have an idea if you two would be up for it.”, Steve grins as he tries to elevate the mood again. “Since the two of us will be in Detroit, why don’t you come with us, honey? Maybe the three of can hang out and spend some time together again. You’re even welcome to stay at my place. I don’t have a spare room but, Y/N, you can take my bed and the two of us can sleep in the living room or something.”

“Oh, Steve, I don’t want to impose—”

“No. No imposition whatsoever!”

“I can do that.”, Eddie confirms.

“Ok. I’m ok with that.”

They both heavily exhale as if they had been holding their breath waiting for your answer.

#########

1976

After getting into a fight with his father, Steve ran to your house knowing you’d make everything better. As soon as he showed up, you called Eddie who biked over as quickly as he could and after he arrived, you both listened intensely as the boy vented.

“Everything’s going to be ok, Steve. You know you’re welcome to stay here.”, you try and soothe the boy as you wrap your arms around his shoulder.

“Why am I never enough for that asshole?!”

“Because he’s just that; an asshole.”, Eddie quips making the other boy softly smile in his direction.

“I should just do whatever I want to since I can never make him happy.”

“That’s a good idea. Oh! I’ll be right back.”, the boy grins at you both before running up your stairs.

“Steve, you ARE amazing. I’m sorry he can’t see that but no matter you have us.” Grabbing his face, you kiss his cheek causing him to blush.

Music starts to play and you both look up to see Eddie coming down the stairs with your bulky radio in his hand. Placing it on the bottom step, he stagers around in place as he begins to lip sync the lyrics.

“I'll state my case, of which I'm certain I've lived a life that´s full I've traveled each and every highway And more, much more than this I did it my way.”

The guitar starts to play and Eddie pretends to strum as he jumps to the ground, continuing to sing as he dances around you both.

“Regrets, I’ve had a few But then again, too few to mention I did, what I had to do And saw it through without exemption.”

Grabbing Steve’s hand, you do the same, dancing to the music as you three sing along.

“I planned each chartered course Each careful step along the highway And more, much more than this I did it my way.”

Eddie spins you and you laugh as you watch wide smiles paint their faces. You loved them both so much and knew after everything they go through they deserved happy, peaceful moments like this. To you, they deserved the world.

***

The flight up to Detroit was uneventful but Steve did fill the time by telling you about some of the kids at the clinic he worked at while Eddie crashed beside him. His eyes lit up as he spoke, telling you about the turnaround a lot of them had made and how talented they all were.

“Amanda is such a smart girl. She’s 15 and she can draw these beautiful pictures. I’m working on seeing if I can book a gallery or something for her to show her work. Right now, she draws for her mother works two jobs to help take care of them because the dad is a junkie.”

“What kind of things does she draw?”

“She can do portraits and people. She drew me once as this like superhero. I have the picture on my fridge.”

“That’s amazing.”, you beam up at him as he smiles to himself. “Steve, I really am proud of you…of both of you.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”, he softly grins as his gaze shifts towards his lap. “I’m very proud of you as well. I’m glad you found something that makes you happy. When we were growing up you had mentioned writing before.”

“Yeah. I never knew what I wanted to write about but one day a guy I was dating overheard me talking about grunge metal and offered me a job.”

“Hm. Are you two still together?”

“Uh, no. We only dated for a couple of months. I’m not with anyone right now. No time.”, you chuckle trying to lighten the mood again. “What about you? Any future Mrs. Harringtons?”

“No. No future Mrs. Harringtons. I kind of spent time focusing on me and now the kids.”

“You have to be careful with that. You don’t want to fill one addiction with a new one and miss life entirely. I’m guilty of that those first three years after I left.”

***

You and Eddie enter Steve’s apartment slowly as you take a look around. It was a bit smaller than what you were used to when it came to him but he made it his own. There were posters of bands he enjoyed along the walls with some shelves lined with books he had read. In the corner of his living room was a desk with a few papers and pictures clients had drawn him over the years. A frame caught your eye and you bent down to get a good look as you took in his sobriety coins.

“Yeah, I, uh, bought one of these little frame things because it felt disrespectful to just throw them somewhere.”

“That’s amazing, dude.”, Eddie praised as he threw down his bag. “I, uh, I had an incident a few months back. I’m on the blue 6 month one but…”

“What happened, Ed?”

“Oh, um, nothing we need to get into, sweetheart. I did the proper protocol with my sponsor and she helped get me back on track.”

Steve patted his back comfortingly, knowing how hard it was and is to remain sober. Gesturing you down his hallway, he led you towards his bedroom and you grinned at the simplicity.

“The bathroom is right in there and please both of you feel free to take anything from the kitchen. Me casa es su casa.”, he chuckles as he nervously runs his hands through his hair. “Sorry, that was cheesy.”

“Steve, you guys don’t have to try so hard. Just be yourselves.”

“That’s the thing isn’t it?”, Eddie sighs from his spot against the wall. “The three of us don’t exactly know who we are together anymore.”

You gently smile in his direction as you reach for his hand.

“We’re best friends. Always have been.”

######################

1980

“Eddie, why does that sound familiar?”, you grin from your spot on his bed where you had been listening to him strum his new guitar his uncle bought him at the pawn shop in town.

After his run in with the lady in town today, Rick offered him something from his secret stash. He was amazed at how fast it began working, numbing the anger he was feeling and pushing him to a blissful state he didn’t want to experience alone.

Grinning, he continues to move his fingers as his gentle voice fills your ears.

“Baby, if I think about you I think about love Darlin', if I live without you I live without love.”

“They’ve been playing it on the radio nonstop.”, he chuckles, rolling his eyes.

“You sound amazing. I can’t wait to see you on that stage one day.”

“Pfft. Me? Al Munson’s trailer trash kid rocking it out on stage making millions of dollars and being successful?”

Fueled with frustration, you grip his chin and force him to look at you.

“Don’t ever let me hear you say anything like that again, Edward Munson. You are NOT trash and you’re nothing like your dad. You can be anything you want to be.”

“Yeah…tell that to people in this backwards town.”

“Fuck what these people think! I think you’re fantastic and so does Steve. You hung out with Rick today. I’m sure he thinks you’re an awesome friend.” Your eyes scan him over when all he does is nod. “Eddie, did something happen in town today? Did someone say something to you?”

His own beautiful, chocolate color hues stare past you for a moment before he blinks back into the moment and flashes you a big, tooth filled grin.

“No, sweetheart. I guess I’m just feeling a little low today. I’m sorry.”

Running his fingers over the strings, he plays the song with much more vigor than before.

“I would give you both night and day Love satisfyin'

Feel like makin' Feel like makin' love.”

“Mhmm. What do you know about makin’ love, Munson?”, you giggle allowing him to lighten the mood.

“Oh, baby. I’m going to be a rockstar, remember? I know everything.”, he winks.

***

You smile as you sit in the booth watching Corroded Coffin play their music. Eddie was in a completely different zone as his fingers ran across the strings of his guitar. This was his dream; this is what he always wanted but always felt was out of reach.

When he was in his drugged out haze you would watch him lazily try to play but stumble as his fingers trembled against the instrument. It killed you because you could always picture him on stage with a crowd full of people screaming his name. He just never believed it himself.

“That was good, baby.”

“That was fucking garbage, Y/N. I barely played anything that would count as a note.”

“That was fantastic guys. Eddie, your band undersold your talent!”, the producer compliments making the metalhead blush. “Ok, let’s take lunch and we’ll come back in about an hour. There’s a cafeteria on the first floor if you guys are interested. It’s on me.”

“You sounded amazing.”, you grin as you meet him in the hallway. “I told you that you were going to be a rockstar one day.”

“Ha! I’m not quite there yet but thank you, sweetheart.”

After getting your food, you both sit and talk about the last couple of years. Eddie told you about some jobs he worked at in Indiana not wanting to be too far from the guys so they could practice and work on things together for the band. He mentioned Wayne and how well he was doing especially after being promoted to a higher position at his work.

“He deserves it. Wayne always worked way too hard for almost no money and appreciation.”

“Tell me about it.”, he chuckles. “And of course, the first day he starts his new position, he gets a crush on one of the female employees underneath him!”

That makes you laugh hard and he relishes the sound as his eyes watch you light up. That feeling of regret washes over him and he averts his gaze to his plate as he shuffles some food around.

“So, um, any rockstar boyfriends out there touring the world?”

“No, no boyfriend. I focused on myself more than anything and honestly haven’t had time for a full-blown relationship.”, you reply. “What about you? Any new girlfriends?”

“Naw, sweetheart. I’ve kind of been doing the same thing more or less.”, he answers sullenly. “Quite frankly, I haven’t met anyone who would be willing to sneak backstage of a Metallica show and pretend to be the building manager to get her boyfriend an autograph.”

This time when you laugh, he cackles with you and embraces the warm feeling that follows.

“I told him it was for my kid.”, you blush. “God, hopefully I never have to write for them. I’ve been lucky so far but that will be an awkward exchange if they remember me!”

“Are you kidding, princess? You definitely leave an impression! Who could forget about you?” Eddie froze as he heavily exhaled and shook his head.

“Y/N, I’m sorry…”

“No, Ed, it’s ok…”

“You would think I’d have this down by now but…”

You nod before you rise to your feet and get on his side of the table to sit beside him.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you lean your head on his shoulder as he reaches up to caress your arm.

#################

1980

Steve tenderly grins your way as he watches your eyes light up at the movie Kungfu you two had been watching. Well, you had been watching. He had been stuck in his own head after that ridiculous conversation with his dad.

“Son, you’re about to start high school which means it’s time to really buckle down and focus. No more fucking around. If you want to run my company one day you can’t keep being lazy.”

While he had been talking there was a woman in his office waiting for him to give her attention. Her dress seemed way too tight and it inched up her thighs as she sat on top of his desk. Steve would never understand why his father cheated on his mother. To him, these women weren’t nearly half as pretty as her nor anywhere close to being as loyal as she was.

His dad said he needed to ‘buckle down and focus’ but what he heard was ‘it’s time for you to start being like me’.

Steve hadn’t planned on coming over but he felt weird after drinking the bottle he found. He thought booze were supposed to make you happy but he found himself feeling incredibly lonely. When he showed up unannounced, you opened your front door and eagerly ushered him with no hesitation.

You always made them feel like they mattered.

“Steve? Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m ok. Just thinking.”

“Did you want to watch something else? I put this on because I know the cheesy effects make you laugh.”, you giggle as his smile grows.

“Naw, honey. This is fine. My dad was being…himself you know?”

“I know. You know you can always talk to me. I love you and I’m always here for you.”

Opening his arms wide, you fall into his embrace and he prays you don’t smell the liquor that lingers.

***

“Oh, wow. Look at you and you have your own shelf.”, you tease as Steve leads you into his office.

After leaving Eddie so Corroded Coffin could continue recording, you headed to the center the other boy worked at so he could give you the “grand tour” as he called it. You grinned at the drawings and pictures he had posted everywhere around him. Multiple books and files were strewn out all over the place on his desk but a particular photo caught your eye.

“Oh, um, yeah. I still keep that there as a reminder.”

Picking up the image of you three at the amusement park, you smile as you fall into the memory. They both seemed extremely content that day as if all their worries had disappeared. You thought about that day often to especially when you passed one on the tour bus you were riding in at the time.

“The kids ask me about you two constantly.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Do you want to meet them?”

When you nod, his grin stretches across his face as he giddily grabs your hand and guides you to a much larger room where some kids were already sitting around waiting.

“Mr. Harrington brought a date to group!”

“Look at Hugh Hefner over here!”

“’Bout time you settle down, old man!”

“Alright, alright. All of you settle down.”, Steve jokes as you laugh. “This is my friend from Hawkins I tell you guys about. This is Y/N.”

“You’re the girl he doesn’t shut up about.”, a young lady smiles.

“That would be Amanda.”

“I know you. He told me all about you on the ride up here. Your work is amazing.”

“Thank you!”, she beams.

Taking a seat beside Steve, you watch as he conducts the group session, introducing each kid and responding where appropriate. You couldn’t help but marvel at his change as he took control and seemed way more confident than he ever did back home.

There was no one he needed to impress or a “legacy” he needed to live up to. He could just be himself.

“Please, Katie. Trust me, your mom doesn’t fucking care. That’s why she drinks.”

“Derek.”, Steve warned. “That’s not how we talk to each other in here.”

Your eyes scanned over the boy across from you. He couldn’t be older than 17 but he seemed to carry years of anger and burden on his shoulders. His arms were folded tight around his chest; a barrier to protect him from anyone trying to get in. Emphasized by the oversized hoodie that he kept up over his head.

You knew this boy; you had been him.

“What? Am I wrong? If she cared she’d stop fucking binge drinking every night and actually spend time with her daughter.”

“Who in your family drinks? Mom or dad?”

All eyes turn to you after you pose your question.

“My dad. Why? Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does. I know how hard it is…to have someone you love choose substances over you. It fucking hurts.”

“Look, I don’t need another adult to patronize to me, okay?”

“She’s not. If anyone understands what you guys are going through it’s Y/N. Especially you, Derek. Remember how I told you guys about my accident and DUI? Y/N was…was in the car with me.” Steve stumbles over his words before quickly trying to regain control again.

“Hm. Did you rat him out? Is that why he’s clean now? Are you going to tell me I should be open and honest or some shit?”, the boy spat.

“No, I didn’t. I actually told the police I didn’t remember who was driving. Took a couple of weeks though because I needed surgery after metal from the car sliced through me. He never even came to the hospital.”

“Wow, Mr. Harrington. You were an asshole.”, a girl sighed.

“I was wasted and terrified. I couldn’t face what I did to someone I loved.”

Derek’s eyes were suddenly glassy as he adjusted his body in his seat.

“He does love you, honey.”, you coo towards the boy as his bottom lip quivers. “If it were as easy as putting the bottle or drug down they would. Some people can but for others it’s so much harder. Whether they heal or not is ultimately up to them but no matter what happens, Derek, none of it is your fault.”

The young man sighs as he breaks down and the girl beside him wraps her arms around him as he cries. A palm touches yours and you turn your head to see Steve’s soft eyes taking you in.

You see the never-ending apology within them as flashes of the old boy you knew before the booze pushed through before receding as he flashes you a gentle grin and lifts his hand.

################

1983

“Guys, really? Do we have to eat all this before going on the rollercoaster?”, you giggle as you watch Eddie pour more cheese over the nachos in front of you three.

“Yes, sweetheart, we do.”, he answers in a serious tone as his tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth.

“And the cherry on top.”

Steve produces a cupcake from his side and places it in front of you as the metalhead pushes a candle through the top of the frosting. You smile as Steve cups his hands around it while Eddie pulls out his lighter and ignites the wick.

“Now make a wish and blow out your candle.”

Your gaze shifts between their happy faces as they wait for you to complete the task.

“I wish everyday could be like today.”

As you blow it out, both boys clap and cheer making you blush as Steve kisses your cheek.

“Happy birthday, beautiful.”

Eddie leans over to take hold of your jaw and peck your lips before sitting back down.

“Happy Birthday, princess. Now, you eat this while sire and I devour this here.”

“Why do I have to and she doesn’t?”

“Because it’s her birthday, Steven! No stop whining and say Ah!”

As the boy scowls he unhooks his jaw and Eddie shoves a chip into his mouth making you laugh as you lean against him.

“Oh my god, you two are ridiculous! I love you so much.”

***

You laugh hard at the joke Eddie had made as Steve struggles to keep soda inside his mouth while he cackles with you.

“I really missed you guys.”, the metalhead announces, his gaze shifting between you both. “I mean I’ve made a lot of new friends you know but I talk about the things we used to do like me doing Karaoke to make Steven laugh or you and I, Y/N, going to the horror movie marathon just outside of town.”

“I remember that. That was so much fun.”, you smile.

“One of the things I enjoy about my job is interacting with those kids. Most of them are sarcastic as fuck like you, Ed, or extremely kind like, Y/N. Thank you for what you did with Derek today by the way. He struggles to talk about his relationships with anyone let alone about his dad.”

“May I ask what happened? You mentioned our accident…”

“Um, yeah. It was kind of the same thing. His dad hit a car with him in it while drunk, ran from the scene, and Derek took the blame. His dad begged him to before he bolted…kid was only 15.”

“Jesus.”, Eddie sighed. “Sounds like my dad.”

“He seems like a good boy. He’ll be okay.” You flash him a comforting grin and he can’t help but smile back. “I, um, I feel like we keep ignoring the elephant in the room. I want you to know I am genuinely so proud of you both. Steve I never imagined you’d be as confident as you seem now. You always told me you thought you were worthless and I know that’s because of your asshole dad. I watched for years as you lived in his shadow but were still so terrified of becoming him… Those kids don’t have to experience that because they have you now.”

“Eddie, you were always afraid of people abandoning you and numbed yourself constantly. When you were numb you were so angry and heartbroken. When I saw you playing your guitar again with your band… you finally seemed at peace.”

Your voice cracked as a tear escaped your eye and you awkwardly laughed as you wiped it away.

“That’s all I ever wanted for you two.”

“6 months ago… when I relapsed… I was in such a low place. My apartment I was staying in got robbed, I had just been let go from a job I was at, and this girl I was dating said she didn’t want to see me anymore. She said I was loser and it fucking hurt like hell. I felt so alone and it was almost like a dream. I barely even remember where I bought the drugs or how I got back home but as soon as it hit my nose I regretted it.”

“Y/N, I saw your face and everything I wished I could take back. The fights, the names, the pain… The way we talked to you.” He cringed as memories flashed through his mind.

“I get that. Of course, my biggest regret is the accident but the one I think about the most is the first time we were intimate when we…I…” You looked at Steve with sincere confusion not thinking anything of that night. Then again compared to all the others you had after it was just a blip in a chaotic timeline. “Y/N, honey, you lost your virginity on my couch after threatening to leave us because of the jugs of liquor you found in my trash.”

“We should have done it right. I picture us taking you to dinner and you’d be wearing that red dress we loved.”

“Yeah, that one floofed out above your knees kind of like a tutu.”, Eddie chuckled. “With your hair up in a ponytail so we could so your face. You always wore make up but you never needed to. You were…are… so beautiful.”

“How are you two dressed?”, you murmur their way.

“Let’s see. I’d probably have my jeans and black shirt but I would have made sure it was clean with little to no cigarette smell.”, the metalhead jests causing you two to let out a little laugh.

“I’d have worn jeans to but a nice polo shirt I think to go with it and that expensive cologne my dad kept buying me.”, he smirked. “We’d take you to Enzos because you deserve a nice meal but of course you would complain about the prices even though we insist it’s no problem.”

“Some soft music would be playing and we’d ask you to dance.”

Steve rises to his feet and messes with his stereo till a slow 70s song flows through his speakers. Extending his hand to you, you take it as he pulls you to your feet and places one of his palms on your lower back as he holds the other in the air.

“Is this ok?”, he whispers under his breath, exhaling heavily in relief when you nod. “I would tell you about how I fell in love with you the first time I met you. You said all the girls in your class had a crush on me but I didn’t get it. I think I said something along of the lines ‘I’m not that great.’ And you said—”

“I don’t know. You seem pretty great to me.”

He tenderly smiles at your response before grabbing your hand to spin you and pass you to Eddie who was waiting with open arms.

“I would have probably made a joke about the music saying that dancing to Dio is way better.” He smiles when you giggle. “I’d tell you that the first time I saw you I thought you were way too good for me. I remember you asked about my black eye my dad had given me and it surprised me. Every other adult already assumed or were afraid to ask, staring at me constantly. But you actually fucking cared.”

“Then what would happen?”

Eddie passed you back to Steve and this time you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your head against his chest. You didn’t see it but he and the metalhead exchanged a glance filled with slight worry as he held you and leaned his cheek on top of your head.

“Y/N, honey—”

“You don’t have to answer. I can let you go, we can get ready for bed, and go back to being friends. We’ll always be at least that because I agree with Eddie. I miss you two so much but unlike the first time I left…I don’t feel bad about it.”

Pulling away from him, you back up a bit to address them both.

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been and you were right in the letter you left me. I had some more healing to do to. I needed to find out who I was without you and now that I figured that out…I want to see if…maybe…we can start over. I mean we’ve all grown so much and I’d like to get to know the two men in front of me.”

Their eyes continually scan over you, trying to understand and get a true read to make sure you’re alright.

“But like I said, you don’t have to. We can go back to laughing or go to sleep. If it makes you feel better, you taking my virginity that morning…I don’t remember it being a bad experience. Yeah it hurt but it was going to for me anyway and not just because I was virgin.”, you tease, smirking their way.

You were surprised when Eddie was the first to move, taking agonizingly slow steps till he was directly in front of you with his nose hovering just above your own. After blinking a couple of times, he pulled you into his embrace and you closed your eyes as you inhaled his signature smell while clinging your arms around him.

“I love you.”, you whisper. As if your words were a match, they ignited the metalhead’s passion as his hands tilted your head back and he kissed your lips. As if muscle memory was taking over, you clung to his neck as you jumped up into his arms and his hands promptly took hold of your thighs as your legs wrapped around him.

As he starts to carry you, his feet give out underneath him as he trips over something and you both tumble to the floor. He manages to keep himself from crushing you as his palms shoot out to catch himself on the hard wood.

“Fuck! Shit, I’m so sorry. I forgot for a moment this wasn’t my place.”, he chuckles shakily. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”, you laugh.

“I feel like a fucking teenager. I’m actually…I don’t know…nervous.”

“Would it…make you feel better if I admitted I’m nervous to? It’s been a while for me and if I’m being honest I think I’ve only been with you guys sober that one time but that was after that intense session. We’ve never been together…like this.”

Wind moves your hair and you both turn to see Steve laying out one of his blankets with a couple of pillows on the floor.

“I wish I had lost my virginity to you.”, he admitted. “I was wasted and I’m ashamed to say I don’t even remember the girl’s name. I think you’re the only girl…woman… I’ve been with sober.”

“I was half awake.”, Eddie sighed. “Karla something in the back of my van. I barely remember it either.”

“Were you rough with the other girls like you were me?”, you asked.

“Sometimes but you were the only one that seemed to enjoy it.”

“Did you?”, the metalhead asked. “We never even asked what you liked in bed. Just kind of did our own thing…”

“I did and I didn’t. I hated when we did it after a fight. Kind of like that night we went to Steve’s house after spending time at The Hideout. Eddie said I wanted to fuck Andrew and Steve, you got mad at me because I defended you in front of your dad. You said I butted in and made things worse. You both said you were going to use me one last time before I abandoned you.”

“And I choked you too hard…”

“Sometimes if you both were angry enough the line would blur.”

Steve’s head hung knowing he was the culprit of most of your verbal sparring matches with him. He cringed every time he thought about the awful things he had said to you while drunk.

Scooting closer to him, your hand reached out to grab his chin lifting his face so you could see his eyes.

“I love you to.” The man sighed as your thumb caressed his bottom lip. “Show me the men you are now.”

When his lips connected with yours, you wanted to cry because for the first time in a long time you felt safe. Your tongues mingled together as his hips grinded down against yours eliciting a soft moan as you turned your head to find Eddie. Steve’s mouth continued to travel to your neck as he clung to you, your fingers threading through his hair as the metalhead leaned down to kiss the other side.

Kisses and stolen touches were exchanged as clothes were removed, you not wanting them to be too far for very long as their lips refamiliarized them with your body. Lifting your legs open wide over both their hips, you mewled as their fingers ran delicately up your thighs.

“This is what we should have done.”, Steve whispered in your ear. “We should have taken our time with you; made you feel more comfortable.”

“Made you feel good and help prepare you.”, Eddie added as he tenderly kissed your cheek and the side of your face.

When his thick fingers slide into your core, your eyes rolled as your head dipped back. Both your palms ran along cocks and the sound of their groans in your ears had you clenching tightly around his digits. When Steve joined his friend and massaged fast circles into your clit, you knew you wouldn’t last long.

“Fuck, please. Just like that.”

They each grinded against you, desperate for relief as the sound of your slick filled the room as they picked up their pace.

“That’s it, honey. Cum for us.”

“We got you, pretty girl.”

Your body trembled as you came, your lips searching for theirs as their fingers guided you through.

“Fuck, that was sexy.”, Steve panted against your lips as he maneuvered himself on top of you. “Wait, fuck, do I need…I may have some condoms somewhere…”

“No. It’s ok. I’m still on the pill.”

Softly grinning down at you, he places a peck on your lips before trailing kisses along your cheek and to your ear.

“We should have asked that first time. We didn’t even bother. We were so afraid you really were going to leave…”, he whispered. Reaching between your bodies, he gripped the base of his cock and gradually guided it into your core. “Oh my God, Y/N.”

Steve groans as your pussy stretches to accommodate his size and the memory of that evening smacks into you like a ton of bricks.

“Steve, you’re so big. It won’t fit—”

“It will, honey, I promise…”

“Just go slow and keep talking to me.”

“No, no, baby. You’re ok. Eddie, fuck, can you—”

“Are you ok, sweetheart?”

“Hurts.”

“Hey, are you alright? I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Tears start to fall from your eyes but as the man lifts himself up to pull out and comfort you, you wrap your arms around him to hold him to you.

“I’m ok. Don’t stop, please, and don’t stop talking to me. You feel so good… I just…I love you.”

His heart flutters at your admission every time he hears you say it. They both thought they had lost you forever and rightfully so but to know they have a chance… they weren’t going to waste it this time.

Steve slowly began pumping his hips, relishing the feeling of you clinging to him again.

“I love you to, baby. This is how I should have taken you that first time, nice, slow, and—fuck—so deep. Your pussy so fucking tight as it pulls me in. I can feel you everywhere, Y/N, you’re so warm and wet. You take my cock so well…such a good girl.”

Your eyes rolled as you clenched at the name. With anyone else you had been with you never allowed them to play rough or tell you things like how good of a girl you were or anything like that. It reminded you of them and truth be told you only really believed it when they said it. You didn’t want to push them but you wanted them to know it was ok to be a bit more passionate when it came to you.

“I’m your good girl?”, you whimper making him moan.

“Fuck, yeah, honey. You’re our good girl.”

“Then fuck me like a good girl deserves, Steve.” As his head falls between your neck and shoulder, your fingers cling to his hair as he thrusts his cock into you a bit harder than before. “That’s it. Just like that.”

Your eyes swiveled to look for Eddie, finding him beside you both stroking his length as he waited. The sight drove you wild as the other man moved at a faster rhythm, pounding into that sensitive spot inside you that had your jaw going slack.

“Please…please, Steve. I’m gonna cum.”

Reaching for your hands, he pinned them above your head as he held them in his own, intertwining his fingers with yours as he sucked little marks on to your neck.

The coil in your belly snapped as you repeatedly moaned his name, his lips hastily meeting yours to swallow your moans as he chased his high.

“Can I swallow your cum, baby? Please?”

He doesn’t respond as his eyes stare into your own but as his hips sputter he quickly pulls out of you and crawls up your body to push his dick into your awaiting mouth. His fingers tangle in your hair as you bob your head and he mewls as he spills his release down your throat.

As he backs away from you, you sit up and kiss his lips, his palms cupping your face as he holds you close to him. After caressing his cheek and silently assuring him you were alright, you shimmed your way to the metalhead and wrapped your arms around his neck as he adjusted himself till you were sitting on top of him straddling his waist.

“It was my first time with the woman I loved and I didn’t even get to see your face.”, Eddie murmured as his hands traveled down your sides to rest on your thighs. “I barely even checked in to make sure you were ok.”

As he spoke, you continued to look down at him as you dragged your pussy lips along his cock.

“I should have had you on top of me just like this so I could see you and you could see me. See that beautiful face scrunch right here when you slide me in.” He smiles when you giggle as he pokes your forehead. “Fuck, Y/N, I missed a lot of things but nothing more than your laugh, sweetheart.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you tilted down to kiss his lips and his palms clung to the base of your neck as you guided your hips down onto his length.

“I love you, Eddie.”

“Mmm—I love you to, pretty girl.” Subtly bouncing on top of him, you both mewled as his tip hit that soft spot repeatedly. “There you go, princess. Still so fucking tight.”

Your eyes searched his face as he licked his lips and arched his neck, the veins along his throat making you moan.

“Spank me.”, you plead as your nose grazes his. “I promise it’s ok.”

His eyes fully open, meeting your own as you place his hands on your behind. Gauging your reaction, he kneads your meaty flesh as he guides your movements.

“Fuck, baby. You look so sexy riding my dick. Make yourself cum. I want to feel your pussy squeezing me.”

Bouncing as hard as you can, your head falls on his shoulder as his palm spanks your ass and he feels your warm breath heat his skin.

“A-Again, Eddie. Just like that.”

Ring laced fingers take hold of the back of your neck as his other arm circles around your waist to hold you still as he plants his feet and thrusts up into you meeting your motions with a hard one of his own.

“Like that, Y/N? That the spot? I know, sweetheart, I got you.”

That wasn’t the first time he had ever said those words to you but this was the first time you ever believed him.

“Say it again.”

His head turned slightly to kiss your temple as he softly murmured his last sentence till you tumbled over the ledge and he spanked you again as he helped you ride your high. Leaning back on your knees, he followed you and you hugged his head to your chest as you rolled your hips till you felt him warm your insides.

His lips roamed your skin as he guided your sweaty bodies on your sides. A second set of welcomed kisses glided along your shoulder blade as you felt yourself slowly drift off into bliss.

###############

1982

“Fuck, why am I nervous? We’ve known her since like 4th grade.”, Steve hyped himself up as they sat outside your door in his car.

“Yeah, but this is different. We’ve never looked at her that way before and vice versa.”, Eddie sighed.

“I mean…I always thought she was beautiful. I just…what would a perfect girl like that want with an asshole like me?”

“Steve, you’re not a…well you’re a little bit of an asshole.”, the metalhead teases making his friend laugh. “I get it though. She’s perfect to me to and deserves more than some trailer trash felon’s kid.”

As his hands begin to shake, he reaches into his leather jacket for his pack of cigarettes.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m ok. I just haven’t had a hit all day and I’m jumpy. I wanted to be sober for our first date with her.”

Steve smiled at his friend as he flashes him his jacket pocket.

“Same. No flask or any alcohol.” Eddie nodded as he patted the man’s shoulder. “You’re not trailer trash, Munson. I hope you know that. You’ve been my best friend to and I’ve never once seen you that way. I love ya, man.”

“Aw. I love you to, Harrington.”, he replies in a high pitch sing song voice before glancing out the window. “Thank you. I don’t know where I’d be without you guys.”

Grinning, they both hop out of the car and knock on your door, their jaws dropping when you greet them in a beautiful blue dress they had never seen on you before.

“Wow, you two look handsome.”

“We don’t look half as good as you. Oh my god.”, Steve compliments making you blush.

Eddie extends his arm like he had seen so many times in movies, his smile widening when you loop your own through it and lean over to kiss his cheek.

#############

You woke up to the sound of beeping as your eyes opened in search of the noise. Steve groaned as he rolled over, blindly searching before holding up his watch, and pushing the button to silence it.

“Do you have to go to work?”, you whisper, smiling when he shakes his head and turns back onto his side reminding you of the little boy who used to do sleep overs with you in elementary school.

As you try to face him as well, you realize a tattooed arm is laying across your chest and glance over to see Eddie on his tummy with his messy hair blocking his face. Tenderly, you reach over to move it to the side, rousing him from sleep as he scrunches his nose and blinks before pulling you closer to him till his nose was pressed against your cheek.

The first time you met him his hair was extremely short and he had bruises everywhere. When he came to your house, you could tell he felt out of place but you extended your hand and allowed him to hold it if he felt uncomfortable. Those first couple of times he stayed over, you would wake up with the back of his palm near yours.

Fingers tracing your skin bring you back to the present as your eyes meet Steve’s and he smiles as he runs them up your arm and down your stomach. Your breathing hitches when you feel the tips along the scar on your stomach.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Sometimes…when it rains or snows… or when I dream about it…” His amber eyes scan your face as you continue. “Those are the two experiences I think about a lot still. You two screaming at each other before leaving me and finding Eddie ODed…”

The man’s thumb caressed your skin as he kissed your skin.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“I meant what I said before that night two years ago. I forgive you both. This past week just hearing and seeing how far you two have come… I loved you both so much but I never felt safe. Last night and right now… I feel like it’s finally safe for me to let go and trust you again. If you want that…if you want me…”

Eddie’s lips abruptly crash to your own before kissing your nose and up to your forehead.

“I love you so much, Y/N. I will always want you, baby. I promise you ARE safe with me. I got you.”

Steve lightly grips your chin, turning you to face him as he kisses your lips as well.

“I love you, honey, and you are all I’ve ever wanted. You’re safe with me to and you both are more than welcome to stay here or we can look for a bigger place. Whatever we have to do, I’m in.”

You held them both to you as the tears began to flow, thankful that your lives would no longer be trapped in memories but new beginnings with the two people you loved the most and loved you.

################

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slashersidewhore · 1 year

Note

How would different slashers react to an s/o who has a service dog? Please include Jason Voorhees thank you!

Slashers! HC S/O with a service dog

Slashers x gn!reader

Including Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Thomas Hewitt, and Vincent Sinclair

Warnings: Beefy murder boyfriends, Established relationships, talk/mentions of murder, mentioned shitty people, cutesy stuff

Requests are open! Inbox or ask!

Michael Myers

A service dog 👀

…

Michael isn’t exactly a ray of sunshine, nor someone who cares at all about those around him

I can see him being cold seemingly distant in a relationship, although deep rooted with insecurity and self doubt

I mean he was locked up for years without proper psychiatric treatment

He knows what it means to be seen differently, not understood and frankly not given a shit about, whatever the reason you have a service dog for, he can relate it to some degree

Stalking. This man is a literal psychopathic murder, he can’t be seen with you out in public, but leaving you unwatched? Unprotected? Not happening.

Most of the time you notice a pair of eyes on you, comforted by the fact the man is somewhere keeping you safe with his presence

Other times, you’re distracted by certain people

You know those people when it comes to service dogs, we all do

The ones that feel inclined to pet it, or insist if you say no, or better yet question why you even need a service dog in the first place

Yeah they aren’t alive for much longer, especially considering the threatening man clenching a knife a few blocks away, heavy breathing under his mask

He doesn’t give a shit about your dog

The one thing keeping him from killing the mutt is you, the fact that whenever he’s not around, he knows that little guy will always be there for you

Definitely doesn’t like the dog

Not one bit

And no, that time you caught him awkwardly patting the dogs head doesn’t mean anything

Jason Voorhees

This man adores animals, and you

So having a s/o with a dog? Best package deal

A tad bit nervous early in the relationship, doesn’t want to make the poor animal hate him and in proxy, lose you

Someone tries to pet it without asking? Yeah no, not on his watch, the dog is for your comfortably and safety, not for senseless teenagers to bother

Whatever the reason you need it for, he’s always there to lend a helping hand

I can imagine he’s a protective lover in general, wants to keep you safe no matter what, especially since you have a service dog

Personally labels the food and water bowl with your dogs name, has created a schedule for feeding and going out

Knowing he keeps various traps around the camp and forest, Jason is normally always at your side if you feel like going out, walking you to the edge of camp or just keeping an eye out

This one time you nearly stepped in a bear trap, before Jason had become more clingy about you out alone

If it wasn’t for your dog, you probably would’ve lost a foot

Imagine this lumbering, beaten down and hardened man nervous about petting it, his large, scarred hand shaking like a leaf as he gently rests his palm against its head, softly repeating the motion

You don’t have to imagine it though, because it’s the same every time he gives the dog any sort of affection

To Jason, the dog that helps you is an extension of his own love for you, if this furry friend is taken care of and kept safe, then so are you

It’s a win win

Thomas Hewitt

You have two service dogs

One is huge, watchful and protective, keeping track of each step you make and when something could go possibly wrong

And the other is an actual dog

Such a softie, feeds it, gives it baths, takes it for walks with you

Even gives the little guy his own nickname, although he would never admit to it

He was a bit awkward at first, wasn’t sure the animal would warm up to him all that much, jokes on him though!

Dogs are great at sniffing out good people, it was definitely a great sign when it was on its hind legs trying to lick Tommy’s face

You have a command where if you need more support, the dog will go track down Thomas to come help you, something he’s glad of considering he unfortunately can’t always be glued to your side

Honestly sometimes forgets dogs can bark for no reason, always gives him a heart attack thinking you’re in need of help or in trouble but it ends up being a squirrel or something

Makes him feel all warm inside when the two of you are wrapped in each other’s arms at night, the fur baby at the end of your shared bed, curled in a ball

Hoyt once made a joke about eating it for dinner

He got bitten

You’ve never seen Thomas so confident in his laughter

Vincent Sinclair

It’s a friend for Jonsey!

Honestly I don’t see Vincent as a huge dog lover, he doesn’t hate them, but they can be too rambunctious for his more calm atmosphere

But… it’s for your support, to keep you grounded and safe

So he can make an exception

Doesn’t want the dog in his studio though, the possibly of dog hair getting mixed with his artwork would tickle his brain the wrong way

Don’t worry though, any help you need, he is more than happy to supply

In fact, this man would probably wear a collar if you asked

Kidding

…

Anyways, thinks the two of you are adorable, regardless of the shiver of disgust when he sees it slobber

Maybe he’s just jealous

I mean he can understand why you needed one before him but now? You have Vincent, your Vinny, your honey, why do you need to rely on anyone but him?

Like babe… you never leave the house? How are you supposed to be there every minute

It’s okay, on a serious note he just wants you to be happy and healthy

So if a dog can keep you that way, he’s all in

Just, don’t give the dog in question too many kisses in front of him

He gets pouty, even as a grown man

Requests are open, inbox or ask!

I hope this worked well for anyone who does have a service dog!

Thank you for reading!

#michael myers #michael myers x reader #jason voorhees #jason voorhees x reader #thomas hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #slashers #slashers x you #slashers x reader #slashers x gn reader #slashers x reader insert #slashers fanfiction #slashers fanfic

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baxteravenue · 8 months

Text

HOW TO FAKE IT 2

part i.

summary: when jack and yours management team come together to create a perfect pr relationship you and jack must do your best to keep it as professional as possible... but when you have to spend a year together the lines between real and fake can become a little blurry.

STAGE TWO: A Little Bit Of Water

It had been maybe three weeks since your trip to Louisville with Jack, where you got to spend some time with his family and friends. You were glad everyone in his circle loved him and that he trusted them because for the entirety of the time that you were with him there beside the random fan picture there was really nothing else that tied the two of you together.

But now it was game time, because the two of you were back to the real world.

“And you're wearing Tommy?” You asked wrapping your arms around Jack as the two of you walked into the hotel the both of you were staying at, noticing all the lingering people who were not subtle with their secret picture taking.

He nodded, looking down at you stealing a sip from your Starbucks. “Mm that’s too sweet Y/N.”

You shrugged, “I like it sweet.”

“I know you do.” He winked at you, making you laugh.

“I’ll drink some Phocus next time.”

“Okay actual question, do you actually like it?” Jack asks you as he presses up for the elevator.

You’re silent for a moment before you shake your head earning a dramatic look from him. “It’s not that it’s not good, it's just that I don't like energy drinks.”

“Oh but you’ll drink a twelve pack of coke in like a day?”

You frowned, “Leave my caffeine addiction alone.”

The elevator opened up letting the two of you walk in and just as it was about to close for the two of you another person walked in pressing another floor. You politely smiled at the person.

It was quiet before the lady turned to the both of you before smiling again, “Do you mind if I get a picture with you? I mean my daughter would kill me if I didn't. She loves your latest EP, what's it called, Honeymoon Avenue?”

You smile, nodding your head excitedly. “Of course baby, can you take the picture?” You ask Jack.

He nods, “I got y'all with a good picture.”

Jack gently takes the phone from the lady’s hand taking as many pictures of you two, smiling, hugging and laughing. You even record a video for her daughter who you learned is named Jasmine.

The two of you say goodbye as she gets off on her floor leaving you two alone for a minute longer before getting off on your floor.

“You’re so kind and gentle with all of them, you put me to shame.” Jack smiles at you as you enter the two bedroom suite the two of you are sharing to get ready.

“I try to be as kind as I can be, I know what it’s like to be awkward and stuff and just say things at the wrong time.” I laugh, “I was homeschooled so…”

“That makes sense.” Jack laughs along.

You push him gently, “Jerk.”

Jack pulls you into him on the small couch, shaking his head. “I’m just messing with you sunshine.”

You can’t help but notice all the freckles on Jack’s face as he speaks closely to you and you feel woozy at how blue his eyes are and you can see all the crinkles near his eyes. You stand up fast almost falling over, “Hair and makeup is here I have to take a shower.”

Jack gives you a confusing look before nodding. “Okay, I’ll let them in when they knock. Neelam and Iris should be here any minute anyways.”

You can’t even respond to him, all you can do is throw a thumbs up and shut the door behind you.

“Oh fuck no, this can’t be happening.” You mumble.

Jack actually has no idea what just happened and can’t even think too much about it because a whole glam team is entering the room as soon as you shut the door behind you.

You and Jack ride separately to the VMA’s since he has to be there earlier since he’s performing and presenting. You’re excited to see him bring out Fergie.

You get out of the car and are immediately led to the carpet where fans are lined up behind barriers and cameras flashed every second. You waved at the loud crowd to your left, immediately backing up to take pictures.

“Y/N, I knew you were going to be here!” A girl screams and you laugh.

“You look so good!”

“I love you all so much!” You practically scream giving as many people as you can hugs, and taking selfies.

“Where’s the new music girl? And tour?”

You bring your index fingers to your lips, “Patience is key!”

You pose for several pictures before being led to a few people for short interviews.

“Hello gorgeous, you look stunning.” A random interview compliments you as you walk up to them.

“Thank you, you look absolutely gorgeous as well.”

“Your outfit is seriously so simple but stunning, very classic.”

You nod, “I had to take some inspo from Mimi, the queen, her VMA look from 1997 has always been etched into my brain so I had to pull that inspiration from her.”

“Well you are pulling it off. What about music should we be looking out for that?”

You shrug, “Maybeeeee.”

You move on getting mostly the same questions.

“And Jack Harlow?”

You know that they want you to slip up but you just give them a cheeky grin, “He’s performing today isn't he? I like his song First Class, so I’m excited to hear that.”

You’re getting escorted away before she can even respond to you.

“Good?” You ask Iris.

“Just enough.” She winks back leading you to your seat that’s right next to Jack who’s opening up the show.

Right before it’s about to begin though Neelma rushes through pulling you up, whispering something in Iris’ ear and before you know it you’re being dragged away backstage to fake airplane set.

“First Class set, makes sense.” You giggle as you walk up to Jack who's getting mic’d up.

You see everyone else, random models who are seat filling and several celebrities.

Fuck it, let’s put on a show.

You place a soft kiss on his lips, “Kill it baby.”

Jack looks taken back for a second before pulling you back onto him and placing another kiss on your lips, “Two times for good luck.”

They lead you to your seat right across from Becky G and when you know he can’t see you touch your lips a bit.

“You two are so cute.” You hear the familiar voice of Becky G, “You both compliment each other really well.”

You smile shyly, “Thank you.”

Just as you thought the performance is a hit and goes ever so smoothly except for when you can’t keep a straight face as Jack wraps his famous pineapple juice line to you.

And when he wins his award your heart soars with pride and you’re the loudest in the room.

“I have the most amazing support system, and the sunshine in my life right now is very bright… Thank you.”

You know the cameras are on you but the smile on your face is not for them.

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #come home the kids miss you

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lavender-romancer · 1 year

Text

Loving girl

Tommy Shelby x reader

CW: suicide mentions, grief

You've always known you would be a better partner for Tommy, after Grace died you had to reassess your motivations for being close to Tommy because he needed a friend more than ever before

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

When you were younger it was easier to deal with the unrequited feelings of a teenage crush. Everyone has those feelings when they're around 15, it's not unheard of for them to go away after a few years or even months. But this was incomparably different. You didn't know how to express your feelings in a coherent way to him, the way you had always shown affection towards him was support and material things like buying him cigarettes or baking him something. There was no way to vocalise your feelings because you were so awful with expressing yourself. Instead turning towards sexual and substance based distractions which would allow you to forget about him for a moment.

Tommy didn't care for labels unless there were children involved, he didn't have girlfriends only women he fucked. Grace became his wife because of Charlie and you didn't know if it would have been different if she wasn't pregnant. Tommy Shelby expressed fondness for Grace but nothing which you would call love, responsibility was more important to him.

You so wanted the story of the two of you to end happily, the teasing that the two of you got from the Shelby brothers was enough to make you hope there was something there but it was a story. A story that you liked to manufacture an ending for rather than feelings based in fact. Tommy saw you as his closest friend but since that wouldn't be too popular with his new wife you'd been seeing each other less and less over the years. You still saw the other Shelby's and Michael at the Garrison most evenings and at work but Tommy was scarcely around.

Everyday felt prettier when you saw Tommy, when he was in a room with you it made you feel instantly more comfortable. It had been this way since you were younger, racing to meet him after school and go on a walk together before having dinner at Pol's house. The memories of your youth where your minds just contained an emptiness of anxieties that you'd experience later in life. You'd never seen Tommy quite as anxious as when you saw him after Grace had died. It was the first time the room didn't feel prettier with him being there. you could appreciate the stoic dimness of the lamp on his desk and how the grand windows let in a beautiful amount of light but… just the bags under Thomas' eyes indicated how sleepless these nights had been.

"Got these for you and made you some stuff, don't worry if you don't eat it," you softly placed two packs of cigarettes and a tin of pastries on his desk.

"Thank you," he said gruffly with a nod, immediately looking at the packaging of the cigarettes "The posh ones eh? Spending all that money on me?" He showed the hints of a smile and you took it gratefully.

"I mean, clearly in a slum like this you could do with the glamor of taste," you said sarcastically and he scoffed.

"You always have the worst attempts at humor I've ever heard." Tommy sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh shut up, now give me one of those and we can chat," you held your hand out and Tommy handed you a cigarette which you lit after you sat down on the chair in front of him.

"Chat, hmm? We haven't done that in a while have we." Tommy reminisced.

"I meant to apologise about that. I should've made more of an effort to see you." You pursed your lips uncomfortably but Tommy waved you off.

"Not at all, she wouldn't have liked you being here anyways. It was a good decision, jealousy can fester from any corner of a friendship." Tommy lit his own cigarette.

"How has today been?" You asked.

"Just as shit as the others. My never ending guilt and the wish I had died instead is still such a strong feeling," he paused "Do you think it will ever go away?"

"That's a lot to ask of your unconscious thoughts, Thomas. They're not usually that helpful in normal situations." You smiled at him and he nodded.

"I thought so, Charlie will now grow up without a mother and that's one thing I can't fix with all the money in the world. It's so frustrating." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"How is Charlie?" You changed the subject because you feared that line of conversation would go nowhere.

"You're doing that thing you do again," Tommy looked like he almost smiled.

"What thing?" You narrowed your eyes at him.

"The way you change the subject when I start getting emotional so I don't actually get there," he commented and you shrugged.

"It's what friends do isn't it." You took a deep breath in and out.

"You're too considerate for your own good, Y/n." Tommy tapped the ash off his cig and looked into your eyes.

"Only to you," you said quietly.

"I know, I appreciate it. A lot," he paused "I always wondered what it would be like to have that amount of consideration all the time."

"What do you mean?" Your palms began to sweat.

"Just when I'm imagining a world like that, you know? With more people like you," Tommy paused and smiled sadly at you. "It would be infinitely better than what we suffer with now."

"Tommy… you've drank too much today," you said cautiously looking at the half empty whisky bottle on his desk.

"And yet, I'm thinking clearer." He suddenly stood up and walked over to the window.

"What are you thinking about?" You asked.

"How I want to burn it all," he said in a stoic voice and you could have shivered at how serious it sounded.

"Well I don't think arson would be the best move for you next." You smiled to yourself and he let out a small closed mouth smile before leaning the side of his head against the window.

"It's something Michael said when I met him again, that if he saw the pretty white brick wishing well in his old village again he would blow it up just to see the bricks everywhere. I want to do the same thing to this fucking house half the time," Tommy closed his eyes.

"But this is now Charlie's home, you have to think about consistency with his life from now on." You reasoned and Tommy nodded slowly.

"He's the only reason I haven't done it. The only reason I won't." He walked back to his desk and sat down before pouring another whisky as well as one for you.

"Thank you. So, what's next?" You asked, sitting back on the sofa nursing your glass.

"Business, business, business I think. It's the only way I know to distract myself from the enormity of this fucking house and all the fucking loss that's occurred throughout it." Tommy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why don't you tell me about it? The loss I mean." You proposed and Tommy sounded like he scoffed at the idea.

"Turning into my personal shrink now are you, eh?" He asked.

"I'm being a friend." You said simply and he nodded.

"You're right, but I'm not the man for those kinds of conversations. I don't know how to verbalise any of it," he took a drink. "I do sometimes wish we could go back to being 14, lying in wildflowers without any issues we couldn't solve with a bit of practical thinking. Everthing is so fucking hard now, Y/n and I don't think I can cope with it for much longer."

"You don't mean that, we were just innocents but, we all have to grow up at some point and you decided your life path when you got married and had children within the marriage. You can't back out now to go back to a simpler time or something," You placed the glass down and walked over to the desk.

"Why do you fit so well together?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're so reasonable and caring and you want to help me even though I've been a terrible friend. You like your job and your house and your social life, everything fits together so well. Whereas I always feel like I'm on the verge of the end everyday." Tommy looked up at you and you shook your head.

"You know I'm even better at lying than you are. That's how I do it, fake confidence, fake togetherness. Whatever it takes to get me through the day because eventually it feels normal to me." You reached over and touched Tommy's hand.

"I used to crave a normal routine but then after the war I couldn't deal with the plague of silence that comes with it. Everytime I would have normality it would be colliding with some kind of crisis I created to make my own life more interesting." Tommy rubbed his temple with his other hand and you frowned.

"And what does wallowing in it do for you?" You asked.

"I know, it's fucking deluded of me. But I don't know how else to get through. How do you deal with grief?" He asked.

"Talking about it for a start, I don't know…screaming sometimes works. When my mum died I punched a wall." You laughed and Tommy smiled to himself.

"I can see myself doing the second thing at least, talking about it makes me want to commit. It's just…so fucking sad because Charlie's mum's died when it should've been me. It was a bullet meant for me." Tommy sighed and you walked around his desk to stand in front of him.

"Come here," you beckoned him to stand in front of you and he slowly got up and straightened his waistcoat.

You pulled him into a deeply needed embrace, Tommy hadn't received any type of comfort that had actually worked until now. He cried. He cried for the mother of his child, he cried for the fact that he didn't love her. But most of all he cried for himself, his own shame at being alive.

Peaky Blinders Taglist:

@queenofkings1212 @severewobblerlightdragon @cl5369 @fairypitou @stressedandbandobessed7771 @shadow-of-wonder @hipsternoionlylikeunicorns @curled-hair-red-lips @lucystivinsky1315 @lovemisshoneybee

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