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theliterateape · 3 years

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Wonder Woman 1984 Couldn’t Save the Story

By David Himmel

I’ve been looking forward to the sequel to 2017’s Wonder Woman since the film ended with Wonder Woman herself leaping from the top of a building and soaring into the credits. So when it was announced that Wonder Woman 1984 was going to be available on HBO Max Christmas Day, I went to bed each night with visions of indestructible bracelets dancing in my head.

Then it finally arrived. Christmas. WW84.

My wife and I settled into the couch with a bucket of Cherry Coke, a cornucopia of candy, and two obnoxious bowls of fresh popped popcorn soaked in butter. It was the movie-going experience I had been missing this year.

I love Wonder Woman. I didn’t grow up on the source material. I grew up on Lynda Carter. Reruns of the campy Wonder Woman TV show, which originally ran from 1975–1979 were a favorite of mine as a little kid. Not only was it an entertaining show for a preschooler in the eighties with the jumping and bullet-blocking and running, but I was also in love with Lynda Carter both as Diana Prince and Wonder Woman.

You see—sounding all Freudian alarms—my mother is a brunette and, from what I could tell at that young age, she could do anything and everything, so I grew up likening my mom to the Amazonian goddess. I also thought any pretty lady with brown hair was my mom including the woman on the Sun-Maid raisins box. (Despite my mother being a beauty queen and model—just like Lynda Carter—the real Sun-Maid Girl died at age 90 two months before I turned four.) From my vantage point, my mom was completely capable of saving the day and harvesting yummy raisins. A true wonder woman.

I wasn’t a big reader of the Wonder Woman comics. Blame that on my time as a boy in 1984. Wonder Woman comics didn’t make their way to me and by the time I was old enough to choose my own reads, I was too deep into graphic novels about the Vietnam War, X-Men comics, and other Marvel titles. But I always knew Diana’s story and powers, and recognized her as one of the most powerful characters to grace the pages of comic books.

Settled into the couch, we hit play and HBO Max glowed to life to give me the Christmas gift I’d been waiting months for.

The opening scene set the tone. A thrilling action scene showcasing the abilities of Diana’s people back on Themyscira. It dropped a few hints of what challenges Diana/Wonder Woman might face and the lessons she will learn or be reminded of. Good opening. And then the film fell apart and Christmas was ruined.

Nah, Christmas was fine, but Wonder Woman 1984 was a disappointment. And not as much for me as for Diana and Wonder Woman. And for actor Gal Gadot. She was robbed of an interesting story. There is no character development in WW84 for our hero. Diana is in the exact same place as she was at the end of the first film. She picks up a few new abilities along the way, but one, like flying in an invisible jet felt like director/writer/producer Patty Jenkins was force feeding me a MacGuffin only to throw it away after I agreed to swallow it. Flight is a big thing in this film but Wonder Woman learning to master it seemed wasteful as I was convinced she was learning to fly based on the way the first film ended. That’s on me.

When we left Wonder Woman in the first film, she was heartbroken for Steve Trevor (Chris Pine). When we meet her again in 1984, some seventy years after his death, she still pines for him. (See what I did there?) By the end, she’s the same. Closed off, unwilling or unable to open herself up to people, most notably to people who could love her and she could love in return. This, despite that Steve tells her that’s a stupid thing to do—remain closed off. When he comes back to life through a wish, he is filled with a zest for life, a chance to experience something again. Pine plays Steve with an almost childlike wonder and it’s fun to watch.

They missed an incredible opportunity to build an interesting story tying in time, the struggle and pain of being ageless—timeless. Maybe that’s how Steve comes back. He exists in a tear in time. What is the hardship of a god living among men? Not her challenging duty but her struggle.

And why 1984? For the fashion jokes? The nukes? Missed opportunity there. Especially since the year is in the title.

Kristin Wiig is great. She’s surprising as she anchors her Ghostbusters (2016) character into Barbara Minerva/Cheetah. But I wanted more form her relationship with Diana. When Barbara wishes to be like Diana, “Sexy, cool… special,” there’s a chance for her to also face the backlash of being an ageless goddess. That opportunity was dampened when Barbara cartoonishly chooses to become a full baddy. But you can’t blame Barbara, she was written that way.

Everything was written as a MacGuffin. One little thing to get us to the big moment with the big baddy—a Donald Trump-ish huckster played by Pedro Pascal. Pascal as Max Lord at first is a slimey but sympathetic character. That quickly devolves into him being a super-duper bad guy bent on world domination that overcorrects in heightening the stakes. The manner in which he goes about dominating the world is trite but also is based on a lazy Orwellian approach to what technology would be like in 1984. It gives the sense that the film was written during Lynda Carter’s heyday where 1984 still seemed futuristic.

There’s so much opportunity squandered. Diana/Wonder Woman is an ageless goddess with a lonely heart and incredible powers. How does one live like that? In the first film, Diana is learning what it means to be human. This film could have had her learning what it means to be a god among humans. Instead, the character is a pawn. She’s not driven by anything. And that’s what gets me.

Diana could be relatable. Make her the troubled messiah. She lives among us so long, she longs or struggles to be like us. And maybe losing her power—the unknown risk she takes when Steve comes back—is attractive to her so she can live and love. And if they had to bring back Chris Cline, the could have dipped into the mystique and magic of Diana’s world. Something more than a silly wish. Something more interesting that pushes Diana to face new internal struggles while working to defeat the external forces of evil.

The film sets itself up as movie that’ll deal with time. There’s a date in the title. But why 1984? For the nukes? For the broadcast Max Lord needs to tap into? For the fanny pack jokes? Jenkins and Co. could have given the theme a little more oompf by leaning into their own ideas of time and address the hardships a an ageless, nearly all powerful goddess faces. Instead, we get a joke about modern public art being trash and a WWI watch coming to life because… because the ghost of the man who owned it has come back from the beyond. Two completely unrelated things. But they didn’t have to be.

The film takes its time with the wrong beats. There are many big moments, often in the middle of the action, where Wonder Woman’s face is the focus. The only takeaway from these slowed down moments of intensity are for the sake of empowerment. And, okay, fine. That’s cool. I get it. Wonder Woman is empowering. The movie, however, is not empowering. It’s a vehicle that reduces Wonder Woman to a physically strong woman who does not develop as an individual. She’s the most dimensional inspiring cinematic female character since the offensive Captain Marvel.

Time proves to be a major influencer in the film in the way it’s wasted. When they have to fly to Cairo, they do so by stealing a jet that Diana has access to thanks to her job at the museum, and allegedly will face no consequences for hoarking a fighter jet for personal reasons. Regardless… They have to get from Washington D.C. to Cairo, a trip of just over 5,000 nautical miles. A modern Boeing 747 can fly 8,255 nautical miles on a full tank of gas. A fighter jet with a smaller tank would likely need every last drop and the wind at their backs the entire time to make the tip without refueling or plummeting into the ocean. Instead of being concerned with that, Steve and Diana choose that time to have their romantic scene. Flips and tricks and dawdling through a Fourth of July fireworks show. And why was Steve surprised by the fireworks and it being July 4th? He just arrived in a new body the day before. He certainly checked the date on a newspaper or heard something on the radio or a TV. And the Fourth of July was already a holiday before he was killed in World War I.

These gripes would be nitpicking if they weren’t so easily remedied by giving the main character an actual story arc.

Wonder Woman 1984 was a fine superhero movie. Far from the best (Captain America: Civil War). Better than the worst (Justice League). It had its share of fun action moments, but even in an action film, the action must be secondary to the story.

After watching the film, we turned on the old TV show. There’s not much character development there either. But it’s a 1970s network television procedural. It’s meant to be campy. And it was more than enough.

Following the three-hour Lynda Carter bender, I realized that you could totally edit scenes in WW84 to make a trailer about a woman who takes care of, then falls in love with, a mentally handicapped man. And that would be a great story to tell. Wonder Woman with Hollywood blockbuster money behind her deserves something interesting.

#Wonder Woman #Wonder Woman 1984 #WW84 #Gal Gadot #Kristin Wiig #Pedro Pascal #Lynda Carter

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ‘assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so.

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well.

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 247 #endeavor #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha meta #makeste reads bnha #well here I am back from six flags at 1:30 a.m. and ready to rant about bnha in the middle of the night #I guess technically speaking it's not *that* late #in tumblr time anyway #anyway my bad sorry guys!

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zohlaa · 4 years

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5 Shows and Some Questions

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag 10 (or however many) people.

Ok I chose the shows I’m currently watching and currently obsessed with. I was tagged by @allisonaergents Thank you for tagging me :) !!

Station 19

Roswell New Mexico

Prodigal Son

9-1-1

Kingdom

Who is your favorite character in 2?

Liz Ortecho without a doubt (and Max Evans but he’s barely been here these days, please bring him back already).

Who is your least favorite character in 1?

Probably Maya. Like, I don’t hate her, I like her fine actually but she’s the one I relate to the least. Also, I hate Rigo’s wife.

What is your favorite episode of 4?

The tsunami episode. It’s the one that jumped to my mind. I’m cheating cause it’s a two part episode and I’m choosing both 3x02 and 3x03. No regrets.

What is your favorite season of 5?

Season 1 is great but season 2 absolutely killed me and made me ball my eyes out. So season 2.

Who is your favorite couple in 3?

After monday’s episode, definitely Gil and Jessica. I love the possibility of Malcolm/Dani or Malcolm/Edrisa but Gil’s jealousy is SENDING ME.

Who is your favorite couple in 2?

Max and Liz. 100%.

What is your favorite episode of 1?

3x03 at the moment because Jack’s backstory killed me. But also any episode focusing on Ryan because I still can’t believe what they did to my baby.

What is your favorite episode of 5?

2x03. It simply broke my heart in pieces.

What is your favorite season of 2?

For now, season 1. Season 2 is going well, I’m loving Rosa, but Max needs to come back SOON.

How long have you watched 1?

Since the first episode aired, so exactly two years. I actually wasn’t sure I would continue cause season 1 was really meh but I held on and it got much better.

How did you become interested in 3?

I honestly don’t remember. I think Michael Sheen drew me to it first then I saw some gifs on Tumblr and became really curious about the Malcolm and Martin relationship with the whole serial killer dad theme.

Who is your favorite actor in 4?

Angela Bassett 100% but I have a soft spot for Oliver Stark. He’s so sweet.

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

I’ll say in terms of quality cause I really love them all. In order : Kingdom, RNM, Station 19.

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?

Station 19 cause it has three seasons while Prodigal Son just started.

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

I mean I would love to be Angela Bassett but I wouldn’t want to be a cop so not Athena. Probably Buck cause he gets to do the ‘‘coolest’’ stuff as a firefighter.

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

Mmmh I don’t know. They’re very different and they take place on opposite sides of the country but they’re also on the same channel and they air back to back so this could totally work.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

Well in the beginning of the season I would've told you Vic and Miller but it’s actually happening now so *shrug*

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

Well, Prodigal Son is a procedural drama so the story is bound to be messier. Kingdom has the better story arc structure with only 6 episodes per season and they really made the zombie outbreak realistic. But I have to say Prodigal Son’s concept is amazing and for a procedural, they manage to stick to the main theme (Martin Whittly) really well. So basically, I’m not choosing. They’re both good in different ways.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

Roswell New Mexico definitely. It’s so alieny.

I tag @leiaslightsaber, @pinkstache, @weloveweird, @ohbvcks, @smartbuckleystrand

#this took me longer than I thought it would lmao #but it was fun #zohlaa speaks

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sophieakatz · 5 years

Text

Thursday Thoughts: Yet Another Feminist Movie Test

The people of the internet (myself included) have a lot of fun playing around with the “Bechdel Test” – a simple formula created by lesbian comic artist Alison Bechdel to determine whether a film is worth seeing. This test asks the following three questions:

Are there at least two named female characters in the film?

Do they have a conversation with each other?

And is that conversation about something other than a man?

The Bechdel Test does a good job of illustrating several significant problems in mass media – the lack of named female characters, and the extremely limited range of plots, lifestyles, and character types that these female characters are given. It’s good for pointing out trends that fail to represent the diverse lives of women, and which specifically fail to appeal to lesbians and other wlw (women who like women).

But this little “test” on its own does not actually determine whether an individual film is “feminist.” It’s only three questions, after all.

Since the Bechdel Test took off in internet circles, many netizens have come up with their own media tests inspired by Bechdel’s comic. You can read about a lot of them here, but here are some of my favorites:

The Mako Mori Test: Is there at least one female character, who gets her own narrative arc, which is not about supporting a man’s story?

The Ellen Willis Test: Would this story’s depiction of these two characters still work if the genders of the characters were flipped?

The Topside Test: Does this film have more than one transgender character, who know each other, and who talk to each other about something other than a transition-related procedure?

Deggans’ Rule: Are there at least two people of color in this film, and is the film’s narrative not about race?

The Sexy Lamp Test: If you replaced the female character with a “sexy” lamp, would nothing change about the film?

Today I am adding my own test to the mix. Let’s call it the Want Test.

The Want Test is based on one question: Does what the named female character want matter to the plot?

Of course, this requires that there be a named female character in the movie. I’m taking that as a given. Most films do have one of those, these days. However, this test does not allow a filmmaker to simply point at the presence of a named female character and say that their work is done. This question asks about the relevance of this named female character. Does what she want actually matter to her world? If the answer is yes, give the film a checkmark. If the answer is no, give it a minus sign.

Note that she doesn’t necessarily need to get what she wants, but the movie world around her should react as though her wanting it means something. Villains have desires that drive plots, certainly, but that doesn’t mean that they should succeed. Additionally, many protagonists begin a movie believing that they want one thing and act upon that desire, but along the way figure out that something else is better for them. These stories are all important and I don’t want to bog this test down with the requirement that these characters get what they want, because getting what you want is not always a good thing.

Musicals tend to pass this test pretty easily, especially Disney Princess movie musicals. Cinderella of Cinderella wants to go to the ball – that matters to the plot. Tiana of The Princess and the Frog wants to open a restaurant – that matters to the plot. A main feature of a musical is the “I Want” song – the scene early on where the heroine has a solo about what she wants, setting up the plot of the story. Movies with an “I Want” song consistently get their checkmark from this test.

But this is me we’re talking about, and I’m not going to leave it this simple, now am I? Let’s add some more plusses and minuses to the test.

The titular character of Snow White gets two “I Want” songs (“I’m Wishing” and “Someday My Prince Will Come”). She wants to find love – and she gets it, too. She also spends a lot of time bossing the dwarves out of their slovenliness, for no apparent reason other than that she wants to. That’s enough for a checkmark.

But Snow White is not the only named female character whose wants matter to the plot. The Evil Queen (and yeah, I’m counting that as a name, because it’s how she’s consistently referred to in Disney media) wants to be the fairest of them all, and that want drives her to try to kill Snow White multiple times, launching the entire plot in the first place. If more than one named female characters have wants that drive the plot, then the film gets a check-plus.

However, Snow White does not do as well under this test as it possibly could. Snow and the Queen’s wants directly conflict with each other; they are enemies. Ultimately, for the story to conclude, what one of them wants needs to matter less than what the other woman wants. And that’s not ideal.

Let’s take a look instead at Frozen. Here we have two named female characters, Anna and Elsa, whose wants absolutely matter to the plot. Anna wants to connect with her sister and save Arendelle from the eternal winter, while Elsa wants to protect her sister (and save Arendelle from the eternal winter, but that’s secondary). Ultimately their wants converge, and they help each other get what they want, living happily ever after. If the named female characters help each other get what they want instead of fight against each other, then the film is upped to a check-double-plus.

Now here’s the disappointing side of this test. Sometimes a named female character wants something, and her wants matter – but her wants directly contrast with the wants of a male character. Perhaps she’s the villain who has locked the male character in a dungeon. Perhaps she’s a prospective love interest who doesn’t want to fall for the male character. In this case, while the female’s character’s wants matter, they only matter insofar as the male character is trying to change what she wants or to make sure she does not get what she wants. These films may depict a woman as having desires, but her desires are not actually important – they are an obstacle.

In Toy Story 2, Jessie wants Woody to come with her to the museum in Japan. Woody doesn’t want to go. The viewer does not want him to go. Her wants certainly matter to the world – Jessie’s backstory is arguably the saddest sequence in all of Pixar history, and she nearly sways Woody to her side – but her wants are an obstacle. The film’s triumphant moment is when Woody gets her to change what she wants and come be Andy’s toy instead. As a result, this film gets a check-minus. It passes – but not in a very positive way.

That got pretty wordy. Here is the tl;dr version of the Want Test:

Does what the named female character want matter to the plot?

Yes – checkmark

Yes, AND this is true of multiple named female characters – check-plus

AND these characters help each other get what they want – check-double-plus

Yes, BUT her wants are an obstacle to a male character’s goal – check-minus

No – minus

Now let’s look at some other movies and see how they fare against the Want Test:

Tangled – check-plus. It’s a musical movie with an “I Want” song, and Rapunzel’s desire to see the lanterns sure as heck matters. So does Mother Gothel’s desire to keep Rapunzel prisoner and stay young forever. They’re opponents, so it doesn’t get a double-plus, but it’s still an excellent film.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl – check! Elizabeth Swann is a force to be reckoned with, and the world around her recognizes it right from the start. Alas, she is the only one of her kind. There are other named female characters here, but what they want (to slap Jack) is only ever played for laughs.

Toy Story 1 – minus. Bo exists, but she might as well be a sexy lamp (which, you know, she is). Toy Story 4, on the other hand, earns a check-double-plus in the end. As I’ve written before, that film is entirely about a man learning to put his wants second to what the women around him want. Because of this, Toy Story 4 might even deserve a check-triple-plus.

The Social Network – check-minus. Barely. The film begins with Erica Albright getting fed up with fictional-Mark-Zuckerburg’s assholery and dumping him, which implies that she wants to be treated better. The film gets a check because this want is what sets off the entire plot, and Mark spends the rest of the film trying to impress her in one way or another, but since her wants are one hundred percent in opposition to Mark’s wants, it’s a check-minus.

Mad Max: Fury Road – check-double-plus, easily. This film is a group of women’s journey towards freedom. They don’t all make it there, but the fact that they want it and strive for it literally changes the world.

Ocean’s 8 – check-double-plus. If you need to ask why, then we didn’t watch the same film.

Up – check-plus! Surprised? The female presence in this film isn’t obvious at first glance. But there are two named female characters – Ellie and Kevin (yes, the bird counts, this is a world with sentient animals). While Ellie spends all but the first five minutes of the film deceased, the want that she establishes in those first five minutes – to travel with Carl to Paradise Falls – drives literally everything that Carl does in the film. Kevin just wants to live her life as a mama bird, feeding and protecting her babies, and those wants do matter, in sharp contrast to the wants of the villainous Charles Muntz.

Moana – double-check-plus! Moana, Grandma Tala, and Te Fiti’s wants all align. I can’t remember Moana’s mother’s name ever being said in the film itself (according to the credits her name is Sina), but she has a key moment early on of helping Moana get what she wants, even though that means giving up some of what Sina herself wants, and that’s noteworthy too.

Now here’s where the fun continues: you could also replace “female character” with a different minority! Does what the named Asian-American character want matter to the plot? Does what the named disabled character want matter to the plot? Does what the named transgender character want matter to the plot? So you’ve “inserted diversity” into your film – but what are you doing with it? It’s not enough for us to just be there. We need to matter, as people with desires and agency. We need to matter in films, because we matter in reality. And we haven’t mattered for long enough.

Let’s have a conversation! What other films pass - or fail! - the Want Test? What media tests do you like to apply to the films you watch? Reblog, reply, or retweet with your thoughts!

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dememarquette · 5 years

Text

Midnight Caller

Adria's day went as well as they usually do.

Training drills. Stake outs. Patrols. It was all very normal if you didn't know better.

But she did. She felt it; Heaven was perpetually on edge. The polarizing shadow war had made itself into the atmosphere and into routine- the specifics of which she only knew from 'mistakes' as a lowly pawn, and the details she gleaned inbetween. At this point, the increase of raids was normalized. It was ordinary to systematically sneak out demon operations, no matter how trivial the charges. Specialized drills were more frequent, too.

All of the added procedures were tying her guts into knots. The situation was becoming more and more wrong each passing day, but there was no trade-off. There hasn't been an update in months. The park was in limbo. They were asking every other time she dropped by until eventually realizing she had nothing to give. And may never. Cheerful as they were, nobody liked the quiet. Suspense bothered her, for their sake, for hers. Playing the long game in subterfuge meant she lived life in paranoia, yet not one iota of it was concerned with Hell. She was as scared of a demon as her shadow, but Heaven. Heaven was something to be feared.

She didn't know what to consider her role in this. Double-crossing? Triple? She tried not to think on it. It'd only get her worked up, but when that inevitably failed, she realized no treasonous term felt right. She didn't hate Heaven. She wasn't actively working against it. It's just her allegiance didn't fall into carefully sectioned off labels and sectors- it fell into place by virtue. And reason.

But being screamed at all day that her reasoning was wrong and flawed bred self-doubt. Her mind never seemed to shut off, even after the mission reports were read, and the raids concluded.

She lounged on her couch. Muscles in her back and shoulders were rigid after a stressful day, but there was one thing that always seemed to help: Colin. On top of everything she supposed she should feel guilty about that too but she absolutely did not. It was a little piece of wrong that felt right.

COLIN: How was work, sweetie?

He wrote. He just got off shift at a private rodeo show where it was not the bulls being wrangled. Her phone, thankfully, does not receive pictures but needless to say, he was happy to unwind and see her too.

ADRIA: THE NORMal. sarah is really a piece of work.

COLIN: Awh, what happened?

What happened!

What happened was her squad-mate’s penchant for public humiliation. Adria had a thick skin, but if you're going correct her on fighting form, you'd better be able to back it the fuck up! She punched at the keys with her thumbs, detailing the tiff in atrocious texting, 150 characters at a time. She sent a chain of three messages, the order of which they sent in was left in the hands of God, when her screen blacked out.

A cheerful ringtone replaced it. That delightful sequence of Nokia chirps had been featured in three separate horror movies in the past two decades, and that auditory connotation was no less portentous now. Demetrius’ name flashed in eight-bit.

She answered on first ring. "Demetri?"

"Adria, thank G-man." He heaved. "I need you."

Adria cupped her phone with both hands. "What's wrong?"

“What’s wrong?” He wheezed. "What isn't?"

His first fake emergency was a text. His second very real! emergency was also a text. This was a call, and already his desperation pierced through her shitty reception in four syllables. Demetri’s voice was an octave higher than she'd ever heard it and hysterical. She'd seen this man handle pressure (and if you ignored his thing with snakes), nothing short of imminent doom bothered him.

The contrast was horrifying.

She launched off her couch, storming her quarters. The bedroom door rebounded off the wall as she breached her closet. The more utilitarian parts of her uniform were ripped from its display. She yanked a set of greaves over her knees. Her hair was a tousled mess, an ondoyant spread across her shoulders, but she had a band around her wrist to crudely tie it back should this turn into a brawl. At the time he was calling? The night couldn't go any other way. She wasn't on shift but they held raids at all hours.

She saw it: demons dusted into ash. One coming to the other's call only for a massacre. The Powers were organized and lethal, and her vague and sporadic feedback was never going to cut it, either to sate Heaven, or save them. She was stupid for trying. Her superiors hired on someone else to intervene, to gather intel, and now she was on the phone with Demetrius-

"Demetri?!" She panicked, shoving her forearms through her bracers. "Talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's going on. Is Niko okay? Archer?"

The line went quiet and her wings folded out in a forceful draft. Adria was a full second away from making the plunge from Heaven to Hell, when over the line there was a single sniff.

“Look on th-...the tv- MTV." He said. "Righ'now.”

Adria's head snapped up. There was no 48-inch mounted on the wall. She didn’t have a smartphone, how would she have a cable?

But context worked with what she gathered from her time on the computer and the demon himself. MTV was no news outlet nor has it had any respectable programming since the 1990's. Their ragtag group was a spectacle but nothing she imagined making a time slot between Teen Mom and MTV Cribs.

(That's a compliment.)

"Excuse me?"

"Channel- channel forty-eight. PleaaaAAse."

She stiffly straightened up. She was half armored- the bottom half ready for the war that would be her fall from On High, while the other awaiting on conformation for where this was going. "You're...going to have to describe it to me. Where are you?"

"Home."

"And you're not dying?"

"I don't knooooow." He whined. "Probaply."

She audibly heard the melodramatic flop.

On the other end, he slapped against the counter top. Sulking on his kitchen island, his rings tangled in his bangs. He stared in disdain at the source of his despair. It was a frame paused on his television set. Depicted was an unflattering still of a suburban mom. Her jumpsuit was as orange as her fake tan, and two streams of black poured down her face like she tried her wings at a newer, trendier 270 degree angle.

Adria had no way of knowing this, else she had reason to hang up then and there. "What does that mean?! Is ANYONE in danger? Is ANYONE dying?"

"Are you even looking?!" He said, frustrated.

"No. No I am not. What is it?"

"They're taking Samantha in!"

"What."

He flailed his hand at the set. In his mind, he was the image of every tragic hero in a cathartic Renaissance painting. "She's getting arrested!" He cried. "Fuckin' Ricky set her up, th-the child suppor' payments. 'n after she got Kaytee and G-ma Hoovie in the pyramid scheme no one will talk to her-"

"And why do I care about this woman’s shitty decisions?"

"She's not gonna make it into season six!!" He shrieked.

"Oh Jesus."

She remembered that. She remembered a lot more than she thought she would. They were characters from a colorful cast from their last hangout.

It wasn't her idea, obviously. She owed him for their first training session. Retribution for her violation of his trust, he called it. Somehow it was separate from the favor she already promised him but that's what he dismissed as semantics, preceding a change of subject. Nevermind how he tricked her into a strip club, she arrived dutifully at his apartment in the forth circle of Hell. That was two months ago.

That day he opened the door more casual than she’d see him before, which wasn't saying much. He was still swanky- buttoned down in something she'd seen in an all-too-dramatic cologne commercial, hue set off with a matching Rolex that told time with three faces. She, on the other hand, arrived in gym shorts. He said 'no armor' on the summons so when he opened up, he tensed like a wild animal. His hands even raised like she taught him ("Protect your head!"), and it was a good fifteen minutes of her standing on his blistering doorstep, convincing him she wasn't there to pulverize his face before she was allowed inside. He relaxed.

And eventually, so did she.

She crashed on his couch. Arms wound around herself so tight, she was ready to make fun of every vapid star that strutted onto the screen. Reality shows were stupid. A waste of time, clearly staged, and air-headed entertainment. All she was here to do was get through four hours of this garbage so he'll trust her for self defenses classes again.

However, Demetri took criticism like a champ. He pointed out that she had literally no reference point at all for television programming (true), and hit play.

At first she was entirely correct in her assumptions. These Real Housewives were overacting, over-dramatic, and overly ridiculous- but around the twenty minute mark, the first twist, it was apparent that was the charm. They were ridiculous. They were all impossibly absurd, and no matter how much she had the gist of their one-dimensional personalities, they'd surprise her with a curveball she never saw coming, dramatic irony Shakespearen in any other context. When she stopped commenting on how these stupid things would never happen in real life, it clicked.

"So...why is this lady breaking into her cousin's flat?" She picked at finger foods he set up on the table, small pastries he credited to Donnabelle. She needed something to do with her hands while she pretended to not be interested in the television she was very interested in.

"Hm?"

"I mean,” She shrugged, too jerky to be casual. “If they just made up. Why would she break in?" He quirked a brow.

Truth was he’d been a nervous wreck the whole time too- he just wasn't as transparent. Never had he cared more about anyone else’s usually-contrarian opinion more. Covertly he watched her more than the re-run. It didn’t make sense, but when her question rang sincere he grinned. The arc maxed between his ears before it pulled back into something more restrained. "Ah, well. That's why she set up the brunch. Her cousin has incriminating photos on a flash drive."

"But we know this because it's been broadcasted to all of America."

"No actually," He sat up, invested. She noticed afterward that she leaned to follow. "We know they exist but we don't know what's on them. My guess is it's something to do with last year's bachelorette party since that got the fire department called, but the forum thinks it's..."

And that's how she started caring too much about some random group of nutjobs in the city.

She still believed it was staged bullshit, but it was fun staged bullshit. She watched nearly three hours of dramatic close-ups, cryfests, and varying degrees of misdemeanors until the night was called. Time flew before she knew it, and their goodbye was a lot less awkward than their hello.

She wasn't expecting to revisit any of that in the near future.

She stared at the keys of her phone as she snapped back to reality. Demetrius was slurring through a monologue calling for Samantha's salvation (eloquently coined "FreeSam2k-2k-shit-2k19?") when it registered: Samantha Drama was a lot more preferable than the alternative.

"-'ish not like the scheme was her fault, y'know. She's a business woman at heart."

"...She sure is."

"'scatcly!” He said, overly relieved. “You get it!"

She sighed, head in her hand. The restless energy she amassed depleted into pure appreciation of the overreaction. Her overreaction- and if he was oblivious to the whiplash she suffered, it was missed entirely. It was gone. Replacing it was the sound of her barely holding back laughter. She rubbed her eyes. God, what was he doing? "Demetri, are you drunk? Did Archer give you the pilfered party booze?"

"Aria-Adria, please. Less focus fer two secons."

"Okay, okay.” She pulled the tie from her hair. “So. Samantha."

“Samantha, yes.”

She indulged, smiling. "Is this the one who uh....cheats at dog pageants?"

“NO that's Kristie!" He corrected, distressed.

“Oh- sorry. The lady that held the intervention at the baby shower?”

“Yes,” he sobbed.

“I’m...sorry??”

“She was just tryna- tryna show her kid that she- aw fuck.” Glass clinked. "Oh no."

"What?"

"I spilled it. Fuck."

The phone rustled loudly. She listened, with her head tilted into her phone. Demetrius was struggling, but she was too. She bit the corner of her lip so her laughing wouldn't carry over the line.

"Back." He rasped, returning like he lost the war.

"You okay over there?"

"No. I need- I need to bail her out." He said. He’d run out of options, his voice teetered on a whimper. "I jus' gotta."

She walked back to her living room. Hasty strides before were now a languid stroll, as the armored plates fell off her knees in a clatter. She threw her bracers into her pillow as she hit the sofa beside them. The threat was neutralized. "No,” she said. “You should not bail her out."

"I have to. She's all alone in there- y'know I'm good'for it, Adria. Issat short for Adriana by the way."

"No it is not, but I'm VERY sure she's fine."

"What do I do?!"

"You're still home right?" She barely got the question out with a straight face. "Like you're not out, and definitely not in the Alpine area?"

"Wha' you tryna say? 'at I'm not r’sponsiple?"

"That you're drunk off your ass."

"Does that make any of it- any of it less real?" The volume softened as he scolded his phone. An old selfie that he used as her contact photo served as her avatar and the source of his betrayal. "I'm SO hurt. My feelings are real, Adria."

"Oh yeah?" Her head canted. She was staring at a blank wall, but imagery from the other end of the line was so clear. She could see his face too. That lopsided grin. Bent brows when he feigned offense, even if his eyes were still smiling while he clutched his heart for the effect. So distinctively him. "I thought you were too cool for feelings."

"Welp. S'where you're wrong~"

"Am I? You're quick to make fun of other people's."

"Is 'is about yoouurs? Hmmmmm?"

She debated her answer as clinking and swearing reared up a second time. She heard him bat the glass around, coordination beyond her expert salvage, before he returned, forgoing the cup altogether. Whatever. He still had the bottle. "Maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"It seems at times you care more about Samantha’s. Like right now."

"Whaaaaa-!! Yer only sayin’ that cuz you like teasin’ her. Jus’like I like teasin’ you."

Her fingers combed through the waves rolling over her shoulders, as she smiled. “I got that much."

"I'd bail you outta jail too, y'know."

"You are not bailing Samantha out of jail."

"'n if I don't," He continued, galvanized into another tangent. "If I DON'T tease you! Then what we doin', hmm?"

She quirked a brow. She was going to love this. "What does that mean?"

"Whatdoyamean what’do I mean. I dunno how else t'talk to you!!" He said, phone brushing with static when he shrugged. "Yer somethin else. It's scary."

Or not.

The word punctured her bubble of amusement. Scary? She knew she could be intimidating. And sure, she beat him up more than once. And sure he was a baby about it, but before Adria’s heart had the chance to sink-

"I trust you so much," He continued, shrilly and mystified. "Isn't that crazy?"

Her heart caught. "W-what?"

"Riiiight? But it happens.” He shrugged. “It happens when, when people got this intense light. A light y'just wanna be a part of. D'you know how rare that is?"

"I don't-"

"You know!! Of course you know." He asserted, finding it inconceivable that she didn't understand. "Some people jus' got it. It draws you in. People like me don' got it- we don' got it- so its blindin' when we do see it. You got it, girl. You got it baaad," He sang. "I mean FUCK- yer "spyin'" on us and we take you everywhere we go! An’ an’ all I wanna do right now is invite you over. Have you here. Again."

Adria blanked.

Staring wide-eyed, she had no idea what to say.

“O-oh.”

Her wings slid down the sofa in a soft shh. Unsure she heard him right, praise was just something she couldn't wrap her head around. Even as the conversation devolved into an ad-libbed ‘Come on Over, Baby' Christina Aguilera parody (’Spy on Over, Baby’ - execution as good as one would imagine), no one thought that way about her. No one talked about her like that. No one ever had- no matter how much, how long, and how hard she tried to do the right thing. She was a series of failures, stemming all the way back from her first charge.

But Demetrius was more than happy to tell/sing to her otherwise. Her feedback wasn't necessary. In fact, she couldn't get a word in. He rambled hard and assiduous about that signature compassion he couldn't compute. About their classes against heavenly forces. About the way the right thing always just seemed to spring into her mind, without cause or consideration. His opinions had receipts- which was something Heaven never bothered to audit.

Thoughts of doubt were smothered before they had the chance to manifest. They tried. Unable to defend against his points, they wanted to dismiss the call as inebriated prattle, but she wouldn't. She refused- it felt nice. They were compliments with no ulterior motive. No seeds of manipulation she could detect, and he didn’t want anything from her this time.

She could have comfort this once, just this once, before jumping back into scrutiny tomorrow.

That in mind, when a lull settled in the conversation, she took it. She pulled her knees into her chest, and closed her eyes.

“Thank you...Thanks, Deme. That means a lot.”

But where she expected a stiff refute of anything tottering the edge of the sentimental (she tensed for it), or another bout of prattle, she heard a thump over the line.

A cold pause followed. She twitched from her pleasant smile. It stretched. Seconds feeling like minutes, the quiet was just short enough to spurn concern, but not enough to ask, when he broke it. He sucked in air through his teeth. Devoid of his former drunken rapture, the tacit draw unnerved her. “No problem.” He said.

Her world dimmed. Her confidence had barely got its bearings before being dashed. The beat of awkwardness was back. That void that pulled the light from their talks, how she could be enjoying herself before the tone flips on a dime and she regrets reaching out at all-

“...Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah...” He dragged his face. “No.” He sighed. “No I’m fuckin’ not.”

Just like the party. That’s what it took. She hit that mysterious trigger again. The precise sentiment she needed to wipe the audible grin off his face. It was her. It had to be her. She misread the entire situation. His admiration had been clear as day, but now it muddled.

“I’m sorry.” She hovered above a whisper, apologizing without knowing why.

“Don’t be. It was all me.”

“What was you…?”

“You. Me. This.”

It solidified the weight in her chest. All those positive thoughts had just blossomed. To tamp them down so soon as a regret... Demetri wasn’t a guy about that scene. She knew that, and yet-

That’s where her mistake was.

She’d been telling herself the same thing since the fair- she was delusional. She didn’t need it echoed.

“It’s fine.” She cut him off. “You should rest- night Demetri. I’ll, I’ll check in when I can-”

“I let you go.”

She stiffened.

“I saw that light and jus’....poof. Gave it away- like a joke.” He said, abruptly sober. “Who’m I kidding? It was a joke. On myself!! Were cowboy strippers worth it? I mean...t’see THAT ‘n let it slip. Who am I?” He brazenly interrogated his open apartment. His theater set-up was a whole five feet away, and it was a crime scene as far as he was concerned. He truly had fun with her that night. At the fair. Shopping. But it was Colin she was going home to, and that was entirely by his own hand. “Thas’not me.” He said. “Thas’never been me- I’m in hell fer wanting everything. Why would I learn now?”

Archer pushed him to make a move. He dismissed him. He was so damn sure he’d figure out his own way. Demetrius was convinced that honesty and upfront communication were tacky, and not because he was entirely inept at sincerity. But what he was realizing tonight was that window shut. He’d earned one of her darkest secrets only to be iced-out of what was troubling her at the party. She stared at her phone the whole drive home. His moment passed. Now he was paying for it, but without the inhibition to suffer in silence.

“I made a mistake.” He said, with finality. “I want you. That’s what’s wrong.” “You...want me.” "Mmph. Fuckin’...cowboy strippers aren’t even that funny.” His muttering trailed off, disintegrating into incoherent rambling and something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Colin is a douche.’

Her mouth closed. She had nothing to say.

Whiplash was back, but this time there was no recovering. She had no words. No response. Nothing to fill the quiet, but he did not have much intention of doing so either. The clinking, clanking, and sentence fragments stopped. They both settled into quiet- an awkward, but powerful one.

It dragged for minute. Then five. She was reluctant leave it, to be the one to break it, but her head was buzzing and so was her phone. Missed texts were adding up. There must’ve been seven now. Someone else was impatient for her attention. And while Colin could wait...

"Demetri?"

"Hmmmm?" He hummed, sleepily but somber.

"Did you...did you mean-? Were you implying-" She cringed. She regretted the question before she asked. Maybe it was best not to pry. Just enjoy it. It’s how things had been going so far.

Besides.

What would happen if he did answer now?

She hugged her knees. Her heart had taken enough collateral damage. It was time to give it a break. Tonight changed things. She’d have to see what that meant. "Nevermind. Uh, thanks. I mean.Thanks again. I guess. Don’t go bailing anyone out of prison."

"Aye-aye," he mumbled.

On the other end, he slumped. Wine smeared around his table, he half-heartedly sopped it up with a rag before giving up. The marble was feeling awfully comfortable. His head propped against his shoulder, and it slid into lean.

She kept the phone affixed to her ear, eyes closing. The night opened with her walking the demon through the five stages of grief for a reality star. In a bizarre way, in a way neither could have expected, he provided a comparative comfort. These thoughts she’d been having- these errant ideas, these cues- were justified.

"Deme?" She finally asked.

But there was no response. He was out like a light, drooling on the marble.

She listened to a few breaths before bidding a quiet 'good night' and hanging up. Exhausted now, but in the best way, she posed to snap her phone shut.

Just before she did, the screen returned to Colin.

Her cursor flashed where she left it. It tailed the end of a long, angry message her heart was no longer in. Unwilling to tarnish her revelation, or feed the new, fresher guilt winding in her stomach, she hit the back key. One letter blinked out of existence at a time, then words, then entire lines.

ADRIA: actually dont worry about it. goodnight. COLIN: ok! Good night :D

#towns verse #towns #after the events at colin's birthday party #story #adria #unrelated but this is the 1st piece of my writing that word counter deems 11th-12th grade level so guess who feels like a winner 2NITE #colin

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delcanprobably · 3 years

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Assassin’s Creed II Review

i finished assassin’s creed ii (2) and now i will write a thing about it

visuals and gameplay (which i normally wouldn’t group together but for this game it makes sense)

It’s from the era where everything is a desaturated shade of murky brown or sewerage green but once you get past that, it’s really a beautiful game. I think some areas get less desaturated as you play, but that might’ve just been time of day or me getting used to it. Having finished the game, I’ve reached the point where I’m not taken out of it by the visuals, and I actually appreciate the views a lot. I certainly liked it early on, but it took a while before I took it in that much. I feel that everything fits together really well, hard to explain exactly, but it’s just very solid and quite immersive. I didn’t learn the map very well, there are landmarks, but most of the cities are so samey that they don’t have many memorable areas. They’re distinct from each other, but internally, they feel pretty much the same wherever you are. It’s probably historically accurate, but it sometimes feels like you’re just running through what might as well be a procedurally generated series of tiled rooves. Overall though, the world looks good and serves the parkour system pretty well, and that’s what’s important. The parkour system gives the whole freedom thing but is also a bit unpredictable at times. It doesn’t magnet you into things as perfectly as newer games do, so I pretty regularly missed jumps (though I do kinda suck on a controller). It’s especially frustrating when you’re trying to do a leap of faith (super high jump into a hay bale indicated by a flock of birds and birdseed) and you somehow miss, like 99% of the time you go in, but if you don’t you make a complete fool of yourself. I started checking some of the less obvious ones, which kind of defeats the point of the whole system. NPCs are fairly primitive (maybe good for the time considering the crowd density?) but for whatever reason, I found that in tandem with the world, it was enough to be pretty immersive. In typical Ubisoft fashion, the world tries to be immersive while also being very gamey, as in there are all these consistent, familiar setups that you learn and can use as tools. Of course, this does mean in missions you sometimes find many conveniently placed solutions nearby, but rarely was it annoyingly blatant, and it kind of fueled the whole badass thing. The main thing that took me out is that there are a bunch of bugs. Visible spawn-ins (a couple of times I sprinted full pelt into a squad that spawned like a metre in front of me), parkour bugs, odd NPC behaviour etc., are pretty prevalent. It’s not Cyberpunk 1468, but it’s pretty meh. Money is fucking dumb. For the first hourish you’re barely able to afford anything. Then you get access to a town that generates shit-tonnes of money for you, and then you start getting thousands of florins when you so much as cough impressively and money becomes an entirely empty system. It’s honestly kind of comical. It’s good because you don’t have to worry about a stupid economy system, but it’s also obviously a bit dumb. I see what they went for, like you’re meant to build up this place to have a higher value and generate more money that you can then spend upgrading it and stuff, but I was more than comfortable with the amount of money I was getting in when I’d done like 10% of the upgrades. Oh, and then there’s this retarded system where you can buy artworks to add value to your base, but you never see them, they don’t add much value, and they’re really cheap. So honestly they’re just kind of there for the sake of being there, and near the end I started just going to the town’s art shops and bought all their artworks with the billions of florins I’d saved up. Also, to max out your base’s value, you have to buy every armour piece, even if it’s weaker than the one you’re up to (and the best armour is unlocked in the story anyway). And you can’t change which armour/weapons you have equipped without going back to your base. Not that it matters because it’s so easy that it doesn’t matter what you have equipped, more on that later. The classic issue that’s plagued AC forever is the repetitive fetch-questy bullshit missions, and yes they are there, but they honestly didn’t annoy me much at all. There are probably less than one for every story mission, so it honestly becomes a nice way to break it up. The exception is the assassinations, but they’re basically just cool bonus missions. You can do them whenever you want, and they have the gameplay of the main assassination missions. So they’re almost like missions distilled to their best bits without much backstory or polish. Oh yeah, and then there are the towers, but they’re kind of fun. You have to figure out how to get to the top (usually relatively straight-forward), the parkour to get up can be pretty fun, and then you get a nice view at the end. Honestly enjoyed them a lot for what it’s worth.

A major problem I had is that the game is just too damn easy. Yes, it’s meant to be a badass simulator to some extent but even if you don’t touch the controller for a whole fight, by the end of the game it’d take several minutes for enemies to knock your health down close to zero and then you have a gazillion health potions that start you all over again. More and more I felt very little risk in anything, and if I failed to do a cool plan for an assassination, then it usually wouldn’t matter and I’d be better off just going with it than I would waiting to die to try again. Fights with a small group are fun and break things up but it becomes a chore quickly and you start running away just out from fear of boredom. The best moments for difficulty were the forced stealth sections where you can’t get caught, but the problem with those were that if a guard becomes alerted then you instantly lose, even if they went from zero to alerted as you fall into an air assassination. The most fun with stealth outside those missions was the slim margin moments where you kill a guy just barely before they alert everyone, but you can’t even do that in stealth only missions. The ‘hidden in plain sight’ approach to stealth is pretty neat though so I’ll give it that.

It’s action-stealth but very action-oriented. It isn’t like a stealth game that you can jankily do some action stuff in, it’s easy to do things guns-blazing and a bit awkward but possible to be stealthy. I usually took the route of staying relatively hidden until I was in a good spot to assassinate my target and then got them and ran off, and I’m pretty sure this is how they want you to play based on the trailers and such. Coming with the easiness thing is that there are so many ways to kill people. You have a radial menu with around eight different weapons, and I can tell you that I used only three - two of which have quick access on the d-pad - outside of some very specific cases. I could’ve finished the game with just the hidden blade, sword, and throwing knives. It’s honestly absurd, for instance, there’s a knife that does less damage than your sword and is maybe slightly faster(?) Not only do you rarely need something between the sword and hidden blade, but there’s also no quick button for it on the d-pad, so it just never gets used. The excessive number of weapons include a couple that are meant to be tools for stealth, but it’s such a faf to go into the menu and select them that I rarely could be bothered.

story and stuff idk The story was pretty great, but I think some people exaggerate it a bit. Yes, the writing is pretty good, and Ezio is a great protagonist as far as video games go. What compelled me the most in the story was uncovering the conspiracy, not the characters’ story arcs. Even then, I got a bit lost halfway through. That’s not to say the characters are bad, they’re A-tier as far as video games go, but there’s no interesting development or real emotional thing behind anyone other than Ezio, and even then, it’s a kind of. He has some character development, but it’s pretty much done in the first third of the game. I will say I definitely cared a lot and was never annoyed by the story, and that’s rare for me. There are some dumb plot points when you think about them for a bit though, and there’s a retarded twist near the end. There’s the standard moral ambiguity thing you get in video games though. You learn about how you need to respect who you kill and only kill people for the common good and blah blah, but then you regularly kill half a dozen guards to go pick up a few hundred florins out of a box. And then there’s the fact guards instantly get sus if you’re on the rooftops (fair enough), which gives you an incentive just to kill them so that you can keep using the more fun method of travel. Whatever though, video games be video games. (story spoiler for people who have never played assassin’s creed, skip the italic bit if you wanna avoid) Oh yeah, the modern-day bits. Almost felt like there weren’t enough, to be honest. Like, I’m more interested in Ezio’s story, but there is so little closure in the modern-day stuff. Felt a tad underdone. The conclusion of the game gives a pretty intriguing ending for the like the lore of the modern-day story, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered for both Desmond and Ezio’s story, and honestly, overall, it kind of feels like a massive cock tease for the rest of the Ezio trilogy. The last level is here and there. Very out of place and comes out of nowhere, but also pretty epic I guess. The final boss is pretty meh though; they’ve built a system where it’s impossible to make it actually difficult, so it’s basically just another fight.

Small note: the DLC is basically two extra chapters before the final chapter. So you end up hitting that, and you get voice lines that are kinda confusing (cause they’re written like you’ve finished the game and come back), and then you have that thing where you can tell that it’s DLC and not the main game. Kinda takes steam out of the tension built up to the second-last chapter of the main game, but whatever. The DLC itself is pretty great, but I’d maybe not be saying that if I’d explicitly paid for them and it wasn’t just included with the PC version. Oh yeah, there’s one mission that I loved the premise of but hated in practice, and it’s pretty much the peak mission in the whole game (it’s even the one depicted in the trailer). Basically (major game spoilers, minor story spoilers, skip the whole paragraph), you have to win a series of games at a carnival to get a ticket into a party hosted by your target. Once you’re in, the guards start to catch on, and you have to blend in while they swarm the party. Then your target shows up on a boat for a speech, and you have to kill him, preferably without having the entire city guards notice you. So conceptually, that’s pretty sick really. But there are so many issues with it that completely took me out of it. First, the carnival games. Instead of being bothered to program a whole new system to make this make any sense, you just have to “win” all of the games, two of which are basically just standard side-quests where you’re just competing against a clock or not dying. It completely took me out how the whole concept doesn’t make any sense, like you only get the ticket if you *win* all the games? What if you came second in one? I’m competing against no one though, so there is no second. It just makes zero logical sense. Then there’s the party. It’s pretty good up until the bit where you actually have to assassinate the guy. A character you’re with suggests that you don’t swim across, and instead you shoot him with the gun you just unlocked and do it in time with the fireworks that are going off, so that no one notices, and it’s given in that typical video game character giving gameplay directions kinda way. Great, except the fireworks are just a background sound, and there’s no difference whether you time it right or not. Also, guards get alerted the second you start charging up your shot if you’re not entirely hidden, so it doesn’t even matter. You still get the guards chasing you if you do the suggested method. However, I realised that there was a convenient tower nearby and thought maybe I was meant to sneak to the side of the party and climb the tower and “snipe” him! But no, because the game doesn’t let you target him from that high up. As far as I could figure out, there’s no particularly elegant way of taking him out, especially not without getting the guards on you. It was just so unsatisfying to have this great setup, probably the best in the game, but have it feel rushed and broken. Other than that I rarely had a problem with the story missions, other than the standard few “oh great a tailing mission” moments, but come on man, that’s such wasted potential. [spoilers over]

conclusion What I loved about this game was the atmosphere and jumping around exploring 15th century Italy. That’s followed by the aforementioned badass simulatorage and some aspects of the story. There was very little about this game that I proper disliked other than what I’ve mentioned. It’s an easy game to get lost in, and it’s not as stupid long as most open-world games, so if you’re a little interested, it can’t hurt to give it a shot, I guess. You have to appreciate exploring worlds a lot though, which I do. Zero challenge, so avoid like the plague if that’s an issue. If you want an actual stealth game in a similar setting with far more choice and challenge, you want Dishonored (which imo is the better game, but it’s a different type of game). This game is more jumping around buildings and taking in the world, and oh yeah also you’re meant to be a sneaky assassin. Also would highly recommend using a controller. Avoid playing the Xbox 360 version on backwards compatibility though, because I did that, and apparently, it’s a common problem for your entire save to get wiped at one specific bit. How d’you reckon I found that out? Thankfully, my old PC save was at the right point. Also, Ubisoft protected sexual predators for years :). Thanks for listening to my TEDx Seatle talk.

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directorscutandsomeotherstuff · 7 years

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Scarlett Spider #1

(Hey, kids. It’s Director’s Cut time again, the time when I find really old fanfics and make them better and/or worse through the power of second drafts. One of these days, I’m gonna run out of subjects that I personally was involved in, but today’s not that day. Let’s talk Spider-Man, bitches!)

(Spider-Man was one of my favorite super heroes growing up. Part of that could have been the whole “every day nerd turning out to be a super cool guy” thing that became standard procedure for YA fiction in the nineties and 2000′s, or it could have been the fact that Spider Man was a super hero who dealt with terrible, life-threatening scenarios by snarking at them, making him my spandex clad spirit animal. It sure as hell couldn’t have been the spider part, because I’m pretty sure even now, I would not want to be even in the same room as a radioactive spider, even if its bites made you a super hero and didn’t, say, just give you spider-cancer.)

(Of course, one of the best things about the comic book universe, in my opinion, is the fanfiction side of things. Rather than indulge in complex sexual fantasies involving mass murderers being made tame in the presence of horny women or turning potentially years worth of established canon on its head to justify two men being reduced to a rudimentary desire to touch each others dinguses, the world of comic book fanfics gives us a greater chance of running into power fantasy of a very typically male bent. Such is the case with our buddy, the appropriately named Max Mercury, and his story about a totally not like the author teenage boy who’s best friends with a super hero and then becomes one because he’s also best friends with mad science. This is gonna be a fun one.)

Dark Alley

Ethan is in a dark alley when he comes against three thugs.

Thug 1: Hey kid gimme your money!

Ethan: I don't have any.

Thug 2: What did we say!

(Thug 1: Fool, you didn’t say nothing.

Thug 2: Bro, I know that, all right? We been over this. I’m just tryna establish a “united front.” Like, your words are all our words, and shit. Businessmen in, like, Japan and shit do it all the time.

Thug 1: We ain’t in Japan, neither. Quit fucking around.

Thug 2: Bro... Bro... holy shit. I know we ain’t in Japan, alright? I ain’t a moron, or nothing.

Ethan: Should I just leave you guys alone, or something?)

Thug 3: I think this kid needs to be taught a lesson.

Scarlet Spider: Get away from my friend!

Thug 1: The Scarlet Spider.

(Scarlet Spider: People’re usually a bit more surprised when I sneak up on them.

Thug 1: We’re nameless thugs in a fanfiction. This was pretty much a guarantee.

Thug 2: Hey, Spider-bro. It’s all good. Maybe we could exchange business cards’re something. You know, businessmen in Japan...)

The Scarlet Spider beats up the bad guys.

They get up and run away. Scarlet Spider: Stay here Ethan I'm gonna take out the trash!

Ethan: Go take them punks out!

Classroom – Daytime

Ethan Masters, a 15 year old African American Male is sitting in class asleep (dreaming) when his teacher calls him. (Well, it’s good that we have the barest description of the character in the scene after he’s been introduced. Also, what’s he dreaming about? I choose to believe he’s having the “I have to go to the bathroom, but there don’t seem to be any in this building” dream.)

Teacher: MR MASTERS!

Ethan (Groggy): What, huh?

Teacher: WAKE UP!

Ethan (Groggy): I'm not sleep.

(Teacher: WELL GOOD! I’D HATE FOR THIS CLASS TO BE BORING FOR YOU!

Ethan: Man, do you have to yell like that all the time?

Teacher: WHAT? OH, SORRY! I JUST TEND TO GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT TEACHING! *clears throat* Now, then...)

Teacher: What's the answer to number 3.

Ethan: Um 17!

Teacher: That might be right but we're in history class.

(Ethan: No, that’s what I mean. UM ‘17. The Utrechtmarkt of 1717. You know, Dutch East India Company and all that.

Teacher: Oh... well... Good job, Mr. Masters. You managed to remember a thing.)

The class laughs at him. The bell rings. And they leave. _______________________________________________________

Hallway – Daytime

Ethan is walking thorough the hallway as his girlfriend Lenina a 16 year old African American Female comes thorough the hallway and sneaks up on him.

Lenina: Hey baby.

Ethan kisses Lenina and begins to grab her butt.

Lenina: Not here baby.

Ethan gets off.

(Lenina: *recoils* Ugh, Ethan! I said not here! You and your stupid hair-trigger...)

Ethan: Sorry. What's up baby?

Lenina: We goin to the movies tonight.

Ethan: I can't.

Lenina: Why not?

Ethan: I gotta go over to Doc Samson's lab tonight.

Lenina: Again. You've been goin over there all week.

Ethan: But today the Doc's ready to test the Neogenic Recombinator. I gotta be there to see it. We've workedreally hard on this.

(Lenina: Oh, right. Pardon me. I was just offering boring old action flicks and some hot over-the-pants rubdown action when we made out in the car. I should have known that I couldn’t compete with a teenage boy and the siren call of cutting edge genetic engineering.

Ethan: Don’t feel bad, baby. I still like over the pants rubdowns. It’s just, we can do that any old day, and we often do. How many opportunities does a guy get to stand on the threshold of God’s domain and drop a flaming bag of dog crap on the porch?)

Ethan goes over to his locker and opens it up showing pictures of Spiderman and even more of the Scarlet Spider.

Lenina: I could see idolizing Spiderman but that other guy. (Actually, now that I think about it, isn’t it a bit weird you only have pictures of muscly men in skintight spandex bodysuits in your locker, that you fawn over constantly?)

Ethan: The Scarlet Spider was bangin girl! You don't know what you're talkin about. He busted up bad guys better in the short time he was a round than Spidey ever did. And if Philly had a hero I wish it had been him.

Lenina: Whatever. I got to get to the bus on time so I'll see you later.

They kiss and they go their separate ways.

_______________________________________________________

Doc Samson's Lab – Daytime

Ethan walks in Doc Samson's lab and puts his equipment on.

Samson: Ethan I've got the recombinator up and online.

Ethan: Great. (Glad to know you’re able to run the machine that allows you to do your job, Doc. I was worried we were just gonna be staring at the thing all day, without plugging it in.)

Ethan goes over to Freddie, Doc Samson's pet, genetically engineered Spider.

Ethan: Hey Freddie.

He puts his hand in the cage and the spider bites him.

Ethan: OUCH! Your tarantula bit me.

(Samson: Well, why did you put your hand in the cage? It’s a spider, not a puppy.)

Samson: It's not just a tarantula, it's been spliced between a water spider, a tarantula, and a black widow. I devenomized him he won't poison you. (I also gave him racing stripes and the ability to whistle. I’ve created a mockery of natural design, and God save me, I don’t ever want to stop!)

Ethan: Good let's fire this baby up!

Samson: Okay we're gonna do some genetic crossing like I did with Freddie there. (I’m thinking today, we’re gonna combine a dog with a fish. I’mma call it a dosh!) Once we activate it.

Ethan: Cool.

Samson: Let's prepare for a test run!

Doc. Samson turns it on and the beam fires up.

Ethan (Raising his voice over the noise of the beam): Got a good flow.

Samson (Raising his voice over the noise of the beam): Yeah nice and smooth!

The Recomnbinator begins to overload.

Ethan (Fearful): It's overloading!

(Samson (over the noise of the beam): What? I can’t hear you! Did you say it’s overloa-)

The blasts come toward them.

Samson: GET DOWN! I'm gonna get the reflector.

Ethan is down while Doc. Samson gets the reflector. (The reflector was actually an umbrella, made of aluminum foil, but the Doc really seemed to get a kick out of using it.)

A beam goes toward Doc. Samson but he reflects it and hits Freddie then the same beam hits Ethan. Ethan springs to his feet. He tries to turn the Recombinator off. But it continues to overload.

Samson: It's to late get out while you still can!

Ethan: But Doc. (We can still save it. I mean, you wouldn’t be so stupid as to design a machine that deals with this much energy and not give it an emergency shutoff or some other safety feature, right?

A heavy, awkward silence fills the room, punctuated only by the chaotic rumbling of the Recombinator.)

Samson: GET OUT!

The room begins to explode and Ethan jumps out of the nearby window and lands on the ground running as fast as he can from the scene.

(Doc Samson stares at his machine, watching the arc of electrical shorts as they run along its surface, and opens up his reflector umbrella.

Samson: This is gonna suck, Freddie. You know what to do.

Freddie: *whistles the ending credits theme to the Incredible Hulk 1970s TV show*

Samson: *tears up* Good boy... good boy.)

Streets – Daytime

Ethan is running down the street as Police and Paramedics and firemen pull up and assess the situation putting the fires out etc. Police questions him as he returns to the front of the building. After a tough session he goes home.

Ethan's House – Daytime

Ethan's parents are watching the report of the science building exploding worrying about Ethan as he comes in. They hug him.

Mom: We thought you were dead.

Dad: We were so worried about you (I mean, not worried enough to go check it out, but...)

Mom: Are you okay?

Ethan: Yeah I'm fine I just want to go and rest. Mom: Okay honey take all the time you need.

(Ethan: Really? So, I could, like, get out of going to school tomorrow?

Mom: Yeah, not even a good try, kid.

Ethan: Crud)

Ethan: Thanks.

Ethan's Room - Nighttime

Ethan is in his room talking to himself.

Ethan: Man I almost didn't get outta there today good thing I jumped from the window. But it was on the top floor, how did I survive. I don't care I'm just glad I did. (Yeah, it doesn’t matter that my mentor’s probably dead and that I got out of an exploding building unscathed. I wonder if there’s still time to take Lenina up on that date...)

Ethan hears pots landing on the floor startled he jumps to the ceiling and sticks to it. He looks down.

(Ethan: Wait a minute... pots? In my bedroom? Pots don’t belong in my bedroom. And neither does this stove. Or this refrigerator. Also, I appear to be hanging from the ceiling.)

Ethan: What the hell's happening to me.

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction commentary #Director's Cut #spiderman #scarlet spider

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