#i remember staying up all night the night before outting it together LMFAO

[lil-binuu]

✧ 𝐀𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Elias has been avoiding you.

1040 words

had this in my drafts for too long 😅

i’ve been so busy these past couple of weeks and will continue to be even more so i made this to make up for it! (i should really be doing work lmfao)

i’ve had writers block and no inspiration and no idea what to write or even how to for like a month and then all of a sudden i was like ‘AHAH’ and this popped out. enjoy ☺️

It had been too long since you felt the warmth of Elias’s voice and the comfort of his arms around you.

There wasn’t much to do in the safe house, and you only had each other for company so the lack of communication between you and Elias these few weeks had left you feeling more empty than ever.

No more stargazing together, cuddling under a blanket, staring up at the twinkling sky and listening contently as Elias spoke excitedly about space and the stars, explaining every little thing to you so you could understand the absolute beauty of the universe.

No more dreamy nights spent tucked under the warm covers, listening to the soft pitter-patter of rain outside that lulled you to sleep as he held you so protectively close. Instead, you wake up cold and alone, rolling over to see the other side of the bed empty, waking up to find Elias avoiding you with house chores or absorbed in whatever work.

No more meals made and shared together. No more dancing around the kitchen, holding hands and laughing as you blew flour into each other's faces. There was no laughter at all. You rarely even talked to each other anymore.

Each and every attempt of yours to speak to him failed. He pushed himself out of your way, made excuses about being busy with work, or needing time alone. You couldn’t help but wonder, was it your fault?

Did you do something to upset him? Did you say something to make him upset? Were you too loud, too annoying, too ignorant?

You wanted to speak to him, ask him what was wrong, apologise for anything you did. But even if you found the words, he just wouldn’t talk to you. It was as if he ran when he heard your footsteps. Constantly busying himself with things so he wouldn’t have to face you. You couldn’t even remember the last time he made eye contact with you. Why was he trying so hard to avoid you?

“Elias.”

You called, tone almost demanding.

He jumped slightly, turning around immediately as he heard your voice pierce through the wall he tried so hard to keep you out of.

You had made sure he didn’t hear you coming, picking a time to approach him when his hands were busy so he couldn’t find a way out of yet another conversation with you.

“What is up with you?”

Hurriedly putting down the dishes he was drying, he looked around helplessly as if to find an exit but you moved closer, cornering him.

“Answer me.”

He opened his mouth before closing it again, unsure of what to say.

“Well?” Your voice raised. You were frustrated, he could tell. You were finally confronting Elias after weeks of being ignored and he couldn’t even speak to you.

“I-”

“Why are you avoiding me?” You asked.

Elias looked taken-aback.

“I’m not-”

“Don’t lie to me Elias. It’s obvious that you’re avoiding me. You don’t talk to me anymore, you make excuses to stay away from me, we- we don’t spend time together anymore.”

You looked at him desperately, chest rising and falling quickly from the pent up emotion taking a hold of you.

“W-why?” Your voice wobbling slightly.

“Why don’t you talk to me? Why don’t we hang out like we used to? What changed?”

Elias just stood silently, eyes to the floor.

“I mean, did I do something wrong? Did I upset you? I’m sorry for whatever it is.”

You walked forward, trying to meet his eyes.

“You can’t just ignore me without any kind of explanation. I have feelings, Elias.”

He said nothing. You stepped closer, trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of him. Instead he just slumped against the counter behind him, eyes glued to the floor, mouth unmoving.

You sighed, feeling defeated in your failed attempt to have even a little contact with someone you used to feel so close to.

“Fine then.”

You muttered, turning away. But before you could walk far, a hand caught yours, pulling you back.

You didn’t have time to react as Elias pulled you towards him, gently placing an arm around your waist as he met your lips with his.

He kissed you softly, allowing you space to pull away. But you didn’t. You held onto him, sneaking an arm up to his bicep that tensed as he ran his hands through your hair. The kiss grew more passionate, tangling your lips with his, sending tingles straight to your stomach, making up for all the time spent so far away from each other.

Elias pulled away, breathing heavily. His lips still only inches from yours, he whispered in a tone so husky and low, you hardly recognised it.

“I’ve been avoiding you because every time i look at you i get the urge to pin you against a wall and fuck you.”

You stared up at him. Shocked, to say the least, at Elias’s sudden transparency - you had no idea he felt this strongly about you. It was hot. So goddamn hot. Elias’s chest rising and falling quickly, pupils blown as he looked down at you, so full of admiration and that sweet, sweet longing for more. His cheeks so delicately flushed, you worried what your own looked like.

You leant up slightly, tilting your head to whisper in his ear,

“Do it.”

His lips found his way to yours with no hesitation. The mix of your body’s pressed together, arms thrown around necks, your leg trailing up the side of his, desperate for more of that friction when he pushed himself against your body. He kissed you in a distorted rhythm, chasing that longing for you and losing himself in your soft lips and shy tongue.

That mix of his hips rolling against you while he fumbled under your shirt, gently tracing his fingertips across your soft skin, left you fucking delirious.

The tug of his lips on yours, pulling you in, spilling low groans from his tongue. Your feet stumbled backwards, no sense of direction as he held you fiercely close, taking the breath out of your mouth. Your back hit the door, Elias releasing you for only a second to ask,

“Can you keep quiet?”

thank you for reading 🤭

love all of you smm!!

hope you enjoyed!!

#sakuverse #zsakuva #elias x reader #zsakuva elias #writing #elias hmu #fanfic

[delusional-mishaps]

got struck by inspo for the soldier/poet/king au in form of poems the poet would write about the soldier and im

theyre basically writing fanfiction in poem format about their forbidden love why are they doing this... poet i hate you..

#soldier poet king au #spkau #IDONT EVEN LIKE PORMS #WHY AM I WRITING THEM #i got possessed by the poet #the longing is real #oh to be a silly poet/bard in love with the king's best soldier #forbidden to love you but doing it anyway #these probably arent even good i havent wrote a poem since 9th grade when we had to do it for an assignement in english class #i was knees feep in the marvel fandom at the time so all my poems revolved around that #i remember i die something with the infinity stomes and it was so bad #i think i got a 70 smth in the assignment tho idk #i remember staying up all night the night before outting it together LMFAO #jesters ramblings

[bcolfanfic]

young vets au brain dump - croz being complicated version

(disclaimer: i love croz. me making him a complicated little shit in this au should not be interpreted as character bashing. i find his journey over the course of mota fascinating and figuring out how to translate that to a different setting/different war has been a fun thought experiment for me. pls don’t jump me. messy characters make the world go round!)

him and jean met in high school. sweet babies.

then they *had* a baby a lot sooner than they were really expecting. both of em out of high school, but barley.

they love each other and do everything right but shit is hard and the military preys on people trying to make ends meet

so, well- 1+1=s 2 off to basic he goes.

ends up in afghanistan around the same time bucky and gale and all the other guys start rolling in there.

also ends up there with his bff from basic training, tech school and everything else. bubbles <3

the two of them end up bunking with demarco and douglas which is quite the right brain/left brain dynamic lol.

croz and bubbles' side of the room is snowglobes and kid pictures and demarco and douglas' side is women from magazines taped on the wall god love em.

gets along decently well with everyone but.

then bubbles dies and that's when everything really starts to go to shit.

i wrote a little about his initial fight with bucky about the IED that killed bubbles here.

they don't really make up from that.

for a long while.

croz is in a spiral about losing his best friend, bucky is starting to not do so well with the preindictment they're all in himself and they just. really set each other off.

kinda freaks everyone out bc they remember sweet baby face croz who puked a lot but now he's just different. damn war.

it gets to a point where him and bucky can't be in the same room without popping off at each other. and everyone else is having to micromanage them on top of having to do their actual jobs in war zone. (70% of the time its brady having to keep bucky away if not gale. croz's "insurance" buddies are rosie and douglas)

does end up getting involved with a girl in another unit

douglas and demarco clock it before anyone else bc he starts coming to bed at weird hours and they see him around this girl and just knowww.

pisses demarco off esp bc he had a whole Thing with finding out his girl back home cheated on him.

one night demarco decides to wait up for him to get back from wherever the fuck it is he goes with her at night and just about fucking jumps him and douglas has to pull him off (after he gets a good whack in)

it was a *loud* commotion of a fight lmfao bucky could hear it from their room and wanted to go see what was going on but gale was like noooppeee. no y' don't.

croz ends up telling jean everything. she forgives him. ("women! eliza could leave alex now for cheating on her. or not. as she wished." - vanessa nadal on eliza hamilton)

him and bucky make up during the pull out from afghanistan bc bucky just about saves his life in the chaos.

poor croz just breaks down crying/panicking about how he wants to go home. and bucky doesn't see that little shit that he's grown resentful towards, he sees that nervous pukey kid from when they first met

buttt...post war things get a little dicey again.

bc he stays in.

bagram sucked the war sucked but. he still has a family to provide for, he's not totally on the outs with the forces so he ultimately decides leaving would be more work than it's worth.

gets deployed to raf mildenhall base in england and gets to move with his wife and kiddos to england so. not a bad deal.

but there are. feelings. amongst the others about him staying in.

especially curt- who is the most "fuck all of that and the government too". getting his leg blown off fucked him up 7 ways to sunday and just completely shaped his view on it all.

the two of them get reallllly into it once when all the guys are together and it gets. ugly.

curt says a whole lot of shit about how he doesn't know how he can look at his kids knowing what they saw happen to kids overseas, what /they/ endorsed by being there. croz says its none of his business- he had his reasons for staying in, curt says name one that isn't selfish and it just. escalates. till they're both yelling and mean. croz eventually says something dumb on impulse about how he won't apologize for not letting the war radicalize him against his country and curt has to be yanked back from decking him lmfao. just another night!

if the others weren't all friends with both of em him and curt would not fuck with each other at allllll but. they love their friends more than they dislike each other so they smile and grind their teeth and *try*.

the whole thing with bucky's drinking issues brings them together because they're on the same page about that at least.

have a longgg talk when all that is going on. and it makes curt's chest hurt bc man he really has his issues with this kid but. he knows he's doing what he genuinely believes he has to, knows he only enlisted to begin with bc he felt like it was the only way he could provide for his family.

knows that all the issues he has with the guy the fuckin military is to blame for just as much if not more than croz is himself.

a more lighthearted side bar: bucky ribs him about staying in a little too- is just more lighthearted on it bc they have become more friendly since they left bagram (and get to being even better friends once they bucks have josie).

one night they're talkin when croz complains he can't do what he wants with his facial hair because of regs and bucky is like wellllll if you gotta the fuck outta there you could grow a handlebar mustache. don't let your dreams be dreams kid!

#ugh croz #love sitting inside his head #young vets au #masters of the air #harry crosby

[covenofthearticulate]

ASH my love I missed your post last night I'm so glad you're okay!! 🫂🫂🫂

let me see if I can come up with any good vampire thoughts on the fly:

- for armand/lestat/louis I feel like lestat has SO MUCH to learn in terms of being a selfless lover and I guess I’m remembering crimson incarnate again like I do every day of my life, but this time I want lestat to put into practice what he’s learned about putting others’ needs first. and not just sex! I want to see him watching armand to learn how to pamper louis the way louis WANTS to be pampered. I want the three of them in the bath together and for once it’s not The Lestat Show but he’s watching louis and armand bathe each other and he finds in him to ask what he can do too 🤧 he ASKS armand if he’d like a turn in the middle for once

- thinking about louis and daniel, and I just think it would be really sweet if louis became the guy daniel went to whenever he feels like there’s a rift or a miscommunication happening in his relationship with armand (I feel like going to lestat or marius with this one would make it worse). since BOTH louis and daniel are on the fledging side of the equation, there’s a unique common ground here. tl; dr: louis is the post-canon a/d marriage counselor (also it’s so funny bc I know armand and louis commiserate re: lestat and now louis and daniel can commiserate re: armand rip louis my guy does not get a break)

- for armand/louis I’m just imagining louis getting armand’s blood stained filthy love letter and tearing off a rust colored edge and putting it in his mouth like an absolute fucking weirdo so he can have the slightest taste of armand on his tongue as he writes his response (whatever that may be 🫢 )

- for lestat/louis I’m know it doesn’t align with canon since most animals are afraid of vampires and mojo was the exception, but I desperately want them to raise a puppy together! I think they deserve it and I usually imagine louis with cats, but I also think he’d be so sweet with a dog and he’d never stop making comments to it—“you’re just like your papa” when it jumps up and licks his face (papa being lestat)

hope these made you smile and hope you feel better soon babe!!! ❤️❤️❤️ (I apologize for any typos I just drank two energy drinks and I am ZOOMING)

Hi friend I hope you know the reason for the late reply is because I've been keeping this in my inbox like a little locket and I go back to peek at it every time I need inspo or serotonin lmfao but these are all so excellent!!!!!!!!!!

LESTAT WATCHING ARMAND PAMPER LOUIS IN THE BATHTUB HELP I'M DECEASED you're so big brained for this oh my god like Crimson Incarnate was fun and I loved having Lestat watch Armand but I can't believe I never even thought about having Lestat watch Louis! Especially because they don't share the Mind Gift I bet Armand would pull out all the stops just to get Louis to vocalize a little more when he does something he likes :)

And YES I love the idea of Daniel being able to talk to Louis about Armand!!! and even before that like i’m honestly so intrigued by what it would look like when Daniel first decides that he’s going to stay with Louis and Armand like how long does it take for them to stop being awkward around one another and what does it look like the very first time that Daniel broaches the subject and asks Louis for advice!!! they have so much baggage between each other but their common ground is Armand 🥺🥺🥺

(also listen……..every day i’m tempted to write a letter from Louis in reply to the Armand letter like my god that shit STILL lives in my head rent free)

nooooooooooooo but i’m gonna fucking CRY at the idea of Loustat raising a puppy together 😭 like Mojo was already full grown when Lestat found him but imagine all the lovely chaos that comes along with raising a little PUPPY!! Louis is the dad who said “Absolutely Not” when Lestat showed up one night with a little dusty stray and then two days later Louis is planted on the sofa with the puppy curled up on his chest and he refuses to let Lestat anywhere near them LMAO (also just think of all the bittersweet ANGST of the two of them living together and co-parenting again and healing but also still being incredibly traumatized after Claudia aaaaaahhhhhhhh)

#THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS ILY #it made my day 2 weeks ago and it still makes my day now #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #armand #daniel molloy #louis has two hands #saved #save

[jeezymcjeezerson]

now I also want a Yandere!Edward x Isaac sequel, like where Edward kidnaps Isaac or something like that

I had a hard time writing this lmfao

Isaac opened his eyes, but all he saw was… darkness? He was sitting down, hands and feet tied to some chair with a blindfold on. All he remembered was going to bed that night, not sleeping with a fucking blindfold on. Isaac tried struggling to get out, and even tried leaning down to bite the rope off of his wrists but all it did was hurt.

After what felt like an hour, he heard something open and then someone walking up stairs into the room he was in. Isaac immediately thought he was in a basement like other horror stories, but he guessed wrong. It seemed to be an attic.

He heard whoever it was enter the attic and walk over to him. Isaac was too terrified to say anything. He was fucking kidnapped! He could tell by the breathing it was a guy as they stood in front of him. Isaac felt their hands on his cheeks and caressed them. Isaac was scared shitless. They eventually grabbed Isaac’s blindfold and untied it before taking it off.

Isaac couldn’t believe he saw Edward standing right there in front of him. Isaac opened his mouth about to say something but Edward covered it with his hand. “You’ve been catching on way too quickly, so I’m keeping you safe. Don’t you make a sound.” Edward ordered as Isaac nodded in fear.

He watched as Edward grabbed some tape that was keeping shut one of the boxes and went back over to Isaac before putting the tape over his mouth and pulling the blindfold back over his eyes.

“I need to go bring my brother somewhere with his ‘friends,’ you stay here and don’t make a peep.” Edward explained as he made sure to tighten Isaac’s blindfold tight before giving him a forehead kiss.

Edward backed away and left to go do whatever he just said he was. Isaac was just stunned but took a moment to get his thought together. Why was he in an attic and not a basement? Right, the basement is a whole other room. He guessed the attic was the most safest option to not get caught. Isaac tried struggling against the ropes again but failed.

Reality seemed to set in as he started tearing up and his heart was beating faster as he struggled more, wanting to escape.

#ibvs #isaac beamer #edward quinton

[magniloquent-raven]

come a little closer (i want you to stay a while)

happy new year yall 💕 i had a lot of fun writing this @harringroveholidayexchange gift for @suometar and i may have gotten a little carried away lmfao this is now my longest finished fic

read on ao3

~ tag list babes @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you ~

---

Steve knew this Christmas would be different than what he was used to. 

Being surrounded by sprawling fields of shrubbery, for one. Clear roads and green squares of grass. Steve's never been the biggest fan of snow—it's just a whole mess when it melts in his hair, okay—but winter is odd without it. Mild and dusty, like a dry spring. Makes the twinkling lights and glittering displays of plastic evergreen seem out of place. Aspirational at best. Sad at worst.

But he came to California to be with friends, Dustin invited him along, actually wanted him to be there. That's the difference that really matters. 

He left his father a voicemail, and had a long chat with his mother while she worked her way through the minibar in her husband's hotel room. "Good for you," she'd said warmly, with pride, when he told her he wouldn't be driving up to Chicago for Christmas. He thought she'd fight him on it. Insist he grit his teeth and bear it, because she had to, so why should he get off easy. It was a weight off his shoulders when she let him go. 

This year would be good. He'd get to be with people who actually want him around. No tailored jackets with itchy collars and professionally wrapped boxes of perfumed tissue paper, hiding slacks that wouldn't fit and gift cards to stores he'd never been in. He'd get to make new memories.

And it's been all of that. Different. Better. He woke up on Christmas morning to the smell of pancakes and coffee, laughter sparkling in the air, and lights twinkling through filmy lace curtains. He felt like he was part of something when everyone congregated in the kitchen, their elbows bumping together, sharing a meal, a pot of coffee, and a conversation about nothing at all. With three—four, including El—Byers, two Hendersons, and Steve, the room was full to bursting but it never felt cramped. 

Steve's been enjoying different. He loves different.

But…well…

Leave it to Billy to take things to a whole other fucking level.

He hadn't given much thought to the fact that Billy would be here. He'd made a point of not thinking about it. He hasn't seen Billy in a year and a half, the person he remembers probably doesn't exist anymore. No point worrying if things are going to be weird because of a stupid rivalry from when they were both in high school.  

And there's even less point dwelling on the awkward tension between them that Steve probably imagined anyways. They only interacted a little bit after Starcourt. Mostly in passing, when Steve dropped Max off at the hospital, or picked up El because Hop was running late again. There always seemed to be some kind of undercurrent to their stilted conversations. Some thread that Steve couldn't quite pick out from the tangle of every other reason why shit was weird between them. 

The night before Susan drove her kids back to California, Max came to say goodbye, and there was a part of Steve that was disappointed that she stood on his doorstep alone. Billy drove her there, but stayed in his car the whole time, and a year and a half later Steve still has no idea why it bothered him so much.

Well, he didn't, until Billy shows up on Joyce Byers' doorstep wearing fishnet stockings and red lipstick, and suddenly it's like there's no air in the room. The whole damn Christmas party evaporates around him.

Has he always been that pretty?

It takes Steve way too long to notice that Billy isn't alone. Eddie Munson is standing next to him, grinning at whatever Joyce is saying to them. He's got an arm casually slung around Billy's shoulders. 

He'd forgotten that Eddie moved here too, after what happened to Chrissy last year. Dustin had been the one to suggest it. Like Lenora Hills is The Place To Be if you're looking to get away from the Upside Down and all it's demons. 

It does help to have people around who get it. Steve just didn't know Eddie and Billy were…friends, or whatever.

Guess it makes sense, they both have that cooler-than-you metalhead thing going for them. Plus the Upside Down shit. Shared trauma, or whatever.

Seems like moving to California has been good for them though. Billy most of all. Last time Steve saw him he was pale, sickly from a year in Indiana, three months in a hospital, barely pulling himself together enough to drag a brush through his hair, let alone wash it regularly, or…well, go to all this trouble either. 

He sort of glows now. It's not just the gold sheen of his curls or the bronze glittering on his eyelids, it's the way he holds himself, his posture loose, and the way his smile actually reaches his eyes and lights him up from the inside. 

Steve's fairly certain he's staring, but he can't bring himself to not . It isn't like he never noticed that Billy's hot, everyone noticed, it was impossible not to when he was flaunting his everything all the time. But it wasn't until after Billy left Hawkins that Steve really started dealing with his attraction to men. Looking at him now, it's like putting on glasses for the first time when you didn't realize you needed them. 

But maybe it's also the fact that Billy sure as shit never dressed like that in Indiana. 

He's ditched the biker boots and layers of denim. Tonight he's decked out in a tiny dark green jumpsuit…thing. With pearly buttons, cinched at the waist by a simple leather belt, and short enough to leave most of his stockinged thigh exposed. And heels. Fucking. High heels. Robin's always said high heels are murder to walk in, and they take a lot of practice. Billy seems to be having no problem. 

Of all the goddamn things to stick in Steve's head, that's what he gets snagged on. Maybe after years of trying to take shit in stride he took one step too many and finally broke his brain. 

He watches Billy shed his jacket—his old brown leather one, the familiarity makes Steve's stomach do something weird—and toss it over the chair next to the door. There's something easy about how he does it, like he's done it a hundred times before. He must spend a lot of time here.

Steve takes a sip of his drink. He can't remember what it is, and he doesn't taste it as it goes down. 

"Dude, are you okay?" Dustin smacking his arm jolts him back to reality. He freezes and tries not to look guilty.

"I'm good. I'm great. Yes." He takes another sip of his mystery liquid and clears his throat. He's sweating all of a sudden. The couch cushions are too lumpy. His shirt is sticking to his back. He can hear every conversation in the room and they all sound like swarms of bees.

"Riiight…" Dustin pauses, eyes narrowing. "Things aren't gonna be weird with you and Billy are they?"

"What?! Why??" 

"I dunno, he beat the shit out of you that one time? And because you were, like, in the middle of saying something before he came in."

Oh. Shit. "Uh…"

"Seriously, are you okay?" He leans in, glancing around like he's making sure they aren't being watched, and lowers his voice conspiratorially. "You know, I could talk to Eddie. He could get Billy outta here."

"No!" Some part of Steve recoils at the thought. He stomps it down as hard as he can. "I mean. Nah, it's fine. That would be kinda…I mean, it's Christmas, right. Everything's fine."

Dustin could not look any more unconvinced. "Uh huh." He sits back againt his side of the couch. "Well. I'm going to say hi to Eddie anyways. You…have fun trying to act like you're not being weird as hell." 

"Seriously, man, don't say anything to him."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just going to say hi, I swear."

"For real, Henderson. Not a word."

"Jesus Christ."

**

The Byers' new place is bigger than their old one back in Hawkins, but it's still not big enough for Steve to escape the sound of Billy's voice.

It's not like he's eavesdropping on purpose. He's very definitely trying not to creep on Billy, but it doesn't seem to matter how hard he tries. After Dustin left him to fend for himself it's not like he had anything else to do. 

And it's a bit of a novelty to hear Billy Hargrove make small talk for some reason. Regular, non-aggressive, boring conversation. He talks about working part-time as a bouncer. His day job at the local library, of all places. How much of a pain it was when his car broke down last month and he had to get Eddie to chauffeur him around in his shitty van. 

It's all so stupidly normal. Billy's just. Living a normal little life here. It shouldn't make Steve's insides squirm when he thinks about it for too long. 

Fleeing to the kitchen seems like a good idea. He offers to help Claudia and Susan with dinner, and they put him to work chopping vegetables. He half-listens to them chat about Dustin's latest project exploding in the garage, and how Max is doing in school, and…things. Stuff. Billy's in the other room, talking to Max, the tenor of his voice just barely audible over the clattering dishes and soft, staticky piano from the radio on the table. The cutout in the wall makes it too easy for Steve's eyes to stray, to search. 

He gets two potatoes diced before the knife slips and he nearly loses a toe. 

He is promptly shooed out of the kitchen.

So, fine, not a great idea.

He'll just have to find someone to talk to. Really engage with someone, and maybe he'll forget to be distracted. Sure, the whole first floor is basically one big room sectioned off with pillars and shit, which means everyone can see everyone all the goddamn time, but if he starts a really interesting conversation it'll be okay.

Except Dustin and Eddie are deep into their DnD talk that Steve only understands every other word of, El and Max have disappeared upstairs, Joyce seems to be going for round three of talk-to-Jon-about-his-life-choices, which Steve absolutely refuses to get in the middle of, and Will is…

Talking to Billy.

They're sitting on the far side of the room, separate from everyone else. Billy is sitting in a cushy looking chair, drink in hand, elbow propped on the arm rest he's leaning over to speak quietly to Will, who's curled up in the seat next to him, hugging his knees. 

The kid looks like he's blinking back tears, and the first uncharitable thought Steve has is that Billy is the reason why.

But that doesn't make sense. He knows it doesn't. If the pinched look of concern on Billy's face wasn't proof enough, Will's watery smile a second later would be. 

Steve's intruding. He's dying to know what they're talking about, what Billy said, when he and Will got so close, and when Billy got so…caring and stuff. Maybe he always was, just never in ways Steve was allowed to see. 

Hell, he shouldn't even be seeing this .

He tears his eyes away. 

Maybe he'll just go out for a smoke. He was always a social smoker anyways, parties set off his nicotine cravings. 

He'll have to ask someone for one though. Right now Eddie is the best bet, probably. He doesn't really know the guy that well, but still, it's just a cigarette. 

Turns out it's very difficult to get Eddie's attention when he's immersed in…elf politics? Steve has less than no idea what he and Dustin are arguing about, but they're very heated about it. Eddie has spilled his drink twice because he wouldn't stop gesturing with it in his hand, and Dustin looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel. 

After a couple false starts, "Hey—" and "Jesus you two are loud," and "Who does a guy have to yell at to get a smoke around here." Steve stands awkwardly behind the couch they're sharing, staring at the ceiling and weighing his options. He really doesn't have many. Joyce probably has packs laying around but he doesn't feel right about rifling through her stuff. 

Unfortunately the craving is really starting to hit him now that he's thinking about it. He's getting antsy. 

Which is still only half the reason he nearly jumps out of his skin when someone touches his elbow.

"Yo, Eddie, are you and the dweeb gonna be at it all night?" Billy says from somewhere in the vicinity of Steve's shoulder. He hasn't moved his hand, and his presence feels…heavy, despite the tiny point of contact. Steve wills himself not to look. He's already zoned out a like a weirdo just staring from across a room, and Billy's cologne is making him lightheaded. He'd really, really like to make it through the night without completely embarrassing himself. 

God, it should be illegal to smell that good around innocent bystanders.

Eddie stops mid-rant, his arm outstretched, drink aloft, face visibly brighter now that Billy's here, despite the interruption. Dustin, on the other hand, looks outraged, but Eddie doesn't seem to notice. "Could be." He grins, and leans back in his seat, lounging like he wasn't worked up and high-strung three seconds ago. "Doubt Henderson's gonna change his mind any time soon, he's stubborn like that."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's all Curly's fault," Billy laughs, low and warm and undeniably fond. And still right in Steve's goddamn ear, Jesus Christ. "Gimme your smokes."

"What? Why?" Eddie blinks at him, and Steve—forgetting all his resolve from thirty seconds ago—turns to do the same. Is…Billy helping him out? Why? And holy fuck he's even prettier up close. There's a cluster of freckles on the side of his nose that Steve can't stop staring at. It's a cute nose, and the tiny speckles along the bridge are somehow just unbearably fucking adorable. 

"Because, you'll smoke the whole damn pack without even noticing, and then I have to deal with your nic fit tomorrow when you wake up without cigarettes."

Eddie chews the inside of his cheek, then tilts his head, conceding with a snort. "Yeah, fair enough." He pulls a half-squashed pack of Camels from his vest and holds it up pinched between two fingers, wiggling it in Billy's general direction. 

Because the universe is conspiring to drive Steve insane, Billy's chest brushes his arm when he leans over the back of the couch to grab Eddie's smokes. 

He's really, uh…recovered well from what happened at Starcourt. Steve remembers him complaining frequently and loudly about not being able to work out while he was healing, growling at nurses and generally bitching at anyone who would listen. Steve suspected at the time that the anger was mostly bluster to cover for the fact that he could barely move and had lost a good chunk of muscle mass while wasting away in the hospital.

Muscle mass he has most definitely gotten back. 

Where he was skin and bone and stitches two years ago, he's now sculpted and firm, relaxed enough that when he presses close there's some give, and Steve is gripped with the incredibly stupid thought that he wants to be buried face-first in Billy Hargrove's tits when he dies. 

He might actually have to go to therapy after this party, what the fuck.

Billy turns to him, making eye-contact for the first time in a year and a half. 

Steve might as well have been smashed over the head again, for how poorly his brain is working right now. He seems to have stalled, stuck somewhere between hello, gorgeous and what the fuck does he want from me . 

Somewhere deep down there's a bitter voice that can't help reminding him that Billy probably doesn't want anything from him. Whatever half-assed rapport they built wasn't enough to warrant a goodbye, why would time apart with zero contact make Steve suddenly worth talking to. 

Still, when Billy jerks his chin and mutters, "Walk with me?" Steve nods without a second thought. 

"Have fun you two," Eddie drawls, with a shit-eating grin that Steve does not trust. He squints at Eddie suspiciously, but all he gets is a sarcastic little finger waggle of a wave in response.

He half expects Dustin to be on his side here, but Dustin—the goddamn traitor—is giving him a weird look. 

Whatever. Chances are it's nothing. Probably.

His shreds of hope that this is just going to be a quick formality catch-up start to fray away into nothing when Billy leads him around the cluttered coffee table, further away from the group, and out the back door.

Billy shakes a cigarette out of Eddie's pack and stick it between his painted lips. A little bit of red rubs off on the white paper. 

"Y'know, Joyce doesn't mind if we smoke inside," Steve says weakly, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, towards the chattering voices filtering through the sliding glass door. 

"I know." He flicks the plastic Bic lighter Eddie keeps tucked in his pack. Flicks it again. Three times. "Piece of shit," he mutters around his unlit cigarette. Fourth time's the charm, apparently. It springs to life with a metallic snick, and Billy greedily inhales the second he can, cheeks hollowing. He makes a face before letting the smoke pour from his nose. "Fuckin' miss Marlboros, man."

Steve hums, unsure what to say. Distracted by Billy's mouth. Confused as hell about what they're doing out here. He blinks dumbly when Billy extends a hand, offering up the cigarette pinched between two fingers. Ash flutters to the ground while Steve stares at it. At the pink smear on the filter. 

"Uh, thanks." He reaches for it gingerly, afraid of looking too…anything, about something so normal. Their fingers brush, and he tries to act like that's normal too. "How, um. How've you been."

Billy gives him a wryly amused look, pulling out a second cigarette as he visibly contemplates his answer. Like it isn't obvious that he's been doing well. Leagues better than when he was in Indiana. Seems like an easy answer from where Steve's standing. But he still pauses, taking his time lighting up, then tucking the pack into his pocket. He's taken another drag before he finally says, "Good. Not a lot of things to miss about Hawkins."

"Right." Steve's not bitter. He doesn't sound bitter. Billy's right and he's doing good. And that's…good. He breathes in a lungful of smoke, lets it sit and burn before releasing it. It's been a while since his last cigarette—Robin doesn't like the smell, and he was never a big smoker anyways—but he manages not to cough. 

"Said there wasn't much , pretty boy, didn't say nothing."

He chokes on his next pull. 

He never thought he'd be grateful for a coughing fit, but it does give him an excuse not to say anything for several minutes while he recovers.

That can't mean what he thinks it means, but his big dumb heart leaps right to dangerous conclusions anyways.

"Oh," he manages between coughs. Nothing more helpful comes to mind. 

Great. Spectacular. This is going so well.

"Oh," Billy echoes with the tiniest bit of a mocking lilt, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

It's such a Robin response that it's strangely comforting. He knows how to talk to Robin. Even when he kind of wanted to kiss her, it was easy to talk to her. Sure, his feelings for Billy have always been more complicated, but it's a start. 

"Yeah, yeah," he sighs with an exhale that's almost a laugh. "Y'know, Hawkins is weirdly quiet without you and your obnoxious car. No one doing the Indy 500 up Main Street anymore. It's boring."

Billy smiles at that, something soft and private that he hides behind his cigarette. "What's stopping you from stepping up to the plate, Harrington."

"Demerit points?"

"Pff, lame."

Steve snorts. "Powell is so much more of a hardass than Hop was, I swear. Can't get away with shit anymore." He pauses, mesmerized by the smoke drifting out between Billy's lips. "You look nice tonight," he blurts, suddenly, and gestures up and down Billy's outfit. "All the—that. Suits you."

It's getting dark out, the horizon painted a dusky orange and the Byers' overgrown backyard half hidden in lengthening shadow, so it's hard to tell, but Steve could swear the tips of Billy's ears go pink. He shifts slightly, one heel scraping the wooden patio, and flicks ash over the railing. "Lost a bet," he mumbles, gaze dropping as he absently rubs at the lipstick stain on his cigarette with his thumb.

"Lotta effort for a dumb bet."

Billy shrugs. "Go big or go home, right."

"Hm." Steve's eyes trace the lines of Billy's face. The way the corner of his mouth pinches. The little furrow between his eyebrows. "Well, you should lose bets more often then." 

The tension in his expression slips away, and he meets Steve's gaze with a lopsided grin. "I dunno, losing doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to you." 

Steve sputters out an indignant, "Hey!" and smacks Billy's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Here I was being nice…"

"Oh, and what were you hoping my reaction would be, hm?" Billy's smile goes sly as he looks Steve up and down. 

Steve pulse jumps up a notch or two. Just enough that he can feel it pounding against his sternum. 

He could lie. He could brush it off. Make a joke. He could drop some obvious pick-up line, if he's right about what's happening right now. 

He doesn't do any of that. 

"Wanted you to smile. Which you did." He pauses, taking a drag off his cigarette to calm his nerves while Billy's gobsmacked stare bores a hole in the side of his head. "So I think that makes me a winner, actually."

"You… " As much as Billy tries to affect indifference, he sounds strained and breathless. "Anyone ever tell you you're cheesy as hell, Bambi?" Steve grins down at his hands, his ribcage full of warm fizzy feelings. 

"Mostly girls who still put out later." 

Billy's laugh is loud and bright. "Yeah, that tracks."

Hoo boy.

Steve is in so much trouble.

**

He's kissed a handful of people since Nancy, but for the life of him he can't recall what any of it was like. 

Nancy he remembers. Her bubblegum lip gloss, and the bony curve of her shoulder digging into his chest, and the shy sort of mischief in her pretty blue eyes, the way she'd blink up at him when she wanted him to kiss her. The way she always waited, face turned towards him, a tiny crease dimpling the corner of her mouth. 

Billy doesn't wait. The second the lock clicks into place he's in Steve's space, warm and heavy, a taut wall of muscle slamming into him, unexpectedly gentle hands sliding under the hem of his shirt. He kisses like he's drowning. Like he has minutes to live and this is all he wants to do with the time he has left. Like this is all he can do. 

It's a raw, tender thing, red and bruising, a challenge and a surrender all at once. It makes Steve's head spin. 

It's not like anything he and Nancy shared and yet he feels the same life-changing, heart-stopping, earth-shattering clarity that he felt the first time he kissed her. The same bliss washes over him. The same swooping sensation in his stomach as his whole world tips on its axis. 

This is what he's been looking for. He didn't know until he felt it again, but he's spent the past three years desperately trying to capture even half the feeling he had with Nancy, flirting with every girl who will put up with him, chatting up guys in bars, and only succeeding in convincing himself he'll never love again, that he blew his one and only shot. 

The upstairs bathroom at his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend's mom's house is kind of the last place he'd have expected to find that spark again, but he's not complaining now that he's here. 

His hands tremble, clumsy as he threads his fingers into Billy's curls, coaxing him closer. He's not worried about finesse or coming off as cool and collected, he's too wound up for that, too busy grasping for more, more of whatever this is, as much as he can hold onto. Billy makes a quiet, startled sound as Steve, all at once, tightens his grip, tilting Billy's head back, slips his tongue into Billy's mouth, and presses a thigh between his legs. 

Billy groans, low and catching in his throat, but Steve feels it rumble in his chest and it's some kind of fucking magic to behold. He knows they have to be quiet. The rational part of him knows that. But it almost seems worth getting caught just to know what Billy would sound like when he's not holding back. Is he dirty, or sweet, or just incoherent, gasping and only half-aware of the noises he's making? Some combination, maybe. 

God, the things Steve would do to find out.

They're stumbling, making their way aimlessly away from the door, attached at the mouth. Steve knocks into the towel rack, with a twinge at the small of his back, but he doesn't let it distract him. 

He fumbles with buttons near Billy's collar before his hazy brain recalls flashes of tanned skin, knotted scars, defined muscle pulling tight under dark material. His hands migrate down a little, halfway down Billy's chest before he finds buttons that are actually done up. 

For the first time since the door shut behind them, Billy breaks away. Steve falls forward for half a second, chasing the lost contact—and for a moment, panics, wondering if he's done something wrong, before he realizes Billy's laughing at him. 

His eyes are bright with it, mirth, mischief, a deep glittering blue like sunlight piercing through tropical waves. Steve's not exactly a connoisseur when it comes to make-up—in fact, according to Nancy, after he bought the wrong eyeliner for her birthday, he knows less than nothing about it—but he's gaining a new appreciation for the art. The warm bronze and gold tones of his eyeshadow, his impossibly dark eyelashes.

The red lipstick smeared around his kiss-bitten mouth.

It's all doing things to Steve.

Giddiness bubbles up in his chest, warm and floaty and buzzing, he can't help but join in Billy's laughter, a breathless exhale of a sound as he taps their foreheads together, irresistibly drawn into Billy's space. He smells like rosemary and smoke, like the spiced rum lingering on his breath, like all the sunlight he's soaked up, warm and bright and miraculously tangible under worshipful hands. 

Steve parts the unbuttoned material hanging loose around Billy's torso, his palms gently press to scarred skin. His gaze lingers, not on the purple edges of healed flesh, pink and puckered valleys crisscrossing over Billy's sternum, but the subtle thudding of his heartbeat beneath, just visible if you know where to look. Billy's pulse is racing, and it's inexplicably satisfying to know he's the reason why. 

"We don't exactly have time to enjoy the scenery, Harrington." He keeps his voice low. It sounds nice like that. Quiet and intimate. 

"Mm…"

"Steve."

"Hm?"

Billy huffs a soft laugh, and, apparently having decided to take matters into his own hands—literally—goes for Steve's belt buckle. 

It's obvious what he's about to do, but in all Steve's lust-filled fogginess, he doesn't put it together until Billy's fingers plunge beneath the waistband of his briefs the second his jeans are unzipped. He gasps when warm fingers wrap around his cock, strong and sure, caressing its length in firm strokes. 

He's done this before, that much is obvious. There's no hesitance, no insecurity, every flick of his wrist is steady and practiced, just the right amount of pressure to make Steve squirm and bite his lip to keep from making too much noise. Billy's thumb drags across the tip of his dick every so often, circling his leaking slit, teasing his fingernail over sensitive skin. He grins, sharp and self-satisfied, when Steve shudders. 

Cheeky. It is so on. 

Steve dips his head, leaning into Billy's space and nuzzling the crook of his neck, inhaling deep and greedy. Golden curls tickle his forehead, and Billy's pulse jumps under the press of his lips, his tongue, his teeth. It's too easy to get drunk on the way his name is a low oath and a broken moan whispered hot in his ear, the way Billy arches against him when he starts to suck a spot at the base of his throat, the way his pace doesn't falter even as his free hand comes up to grip Steve's shoulder and his breathing grows shallower. 

Heat pools in Steve's gut, egged on by every tiny sound Billy chokes on, every touch of his scarred hands, rough against the soft skin of his cock, the friction burns but Steve thrusts into his grip anyways, too lightheaded with pleasure to care. 

He palms Billy's chest, tracing along the ridged edges of scar tissue, sliding blind until he reaches his nipple, circling the hard little nub with his fingertips. 

Billy trembles at the touch, his grip on Steve's cock tightens, and for a moment they're both holding on for dear life, Steve burying a moan in the collar of Billy's shirt, and Billy swallowing a ragged, desperate noise that Steve can feel vibrate in his ribcage. 

They're both still for a moment, chests heaving, leaning into each other.

There's faint chatter from downstairs, the hum of a radio turned down low. The ceiling vent rattles. 

Steve pinches Billy's nipple.

"Hh— ah , fuck, Harrington you little shit," he hisses, too breathy to sound reprimanding. Besides, Steve can feel the hardness rubbing his thigh, felt his hips jerk and his dick twitch. He grins, pressing a smiling kiss to the side of Billy's neck. 

"Sorry."

"Liar."

He wonders how reactive Billy would be if he was using his mouth instead. If he'd like Steve's lips on him like that. If Steve could make him cum just by sucking on his tits. 

He traces another idle circle, relishing the goosebumps prickling across Billy's chest. 

"Stop being a fucking tease," Billy groans, squeezing Steve's cock.

Steve exhales slowly, purposefully, the coiled heat in his gut tightening. He lifts his head to look Billy in the eye, and he's struck all over again by how fucking beautiful he is. 

"God, you're gorgeous," he breathes, one hand coming up to absently fix a stray curl stuck to Billy's forehead. There's a flush on his cheeks, so dark it nearly hides the freckles that have bloomed there over the year and a half he's spent in the California sun. His opens his mouth, briefly, wordlessly. His tongue darts across his bottom lip, further ruining his lipstick. 

"Yeah, I know," Billy says eventually. He rubs his thumb through a red smear on his chin.

Steve captures his hand before he can wipe off any more. "What do you want me to do?" He blindly traces the grooves in Billy's ring with his fingernail. 

"Hm?"

"I'm gonna make you cum, tell me how you want me to do it."

Billy's gaze shifts, darkens, there's weight to it, the way it bores into Steve. He pulls his hand out of Steve's pants and instead starts undoing the rest of his pearly buttons. "I want you to fuck me."

Steve's pretty sure his vision whites out for a second. He blinks. "Uhh…"

"C'mon, Mr Big Talk, let's fuckin' go." He makes short work of his belt, tossing it onto the nearby bathmat. It lands with a muffled thump.

"Billy—" Steve has to bite down on his tongue to stop an actual moan from escaping him when Billy undoes his last button to reveal the hard line of his cock straining against powder blue lace and silk. Billy smirks, teasing his thumbnail along the waistline of his panties just to watch Steve's gaze follow. "Jesus fucking—Billy, what happened to we don't have time?"

Billy grins. "Aw that's cute, you think you'll last?" 

"No—I mean, maybe—I mean, that's not what I mean, you asshole—" Steve cuts himself off, laughing at his own fumbling, rubbing his eyes to try and clear his head. "I don't want to hurt you," he tacks on helplessly. 

Billy smile softens at that, just for a moment there's something bright and vulnerable shining through, but it's buried just as fast as it sprung up. "You won't." He grabs Steve's hand, guiding it around and pushing under his waistband. Silk brushes Steve's knuckles, and Billy—

"Oh."

Steve's finger slips inside him easily. He teases a second, just as a test, and watches Billy's face for any discomfort. His eyes flutter closed, and his lips part, and it's not pain , it's…

The thought of Billy fingering himself while he was getting ready for the party is overwhelmingly fucking hot. But it's also incredibly confusing. Did he plan on seducing Steve this whole time? How could he have been so sure it would work? Or maybe it wasn't about Steve at all, maybe that's just his standard pre-party ritual. Lacy underwear and lube. Jesus Christ.

"You prepped yourself?" He sounds a little hoarse. Man, he really isn't gonna last long, is he.

Billy's eyes open, and he gives Steve an unreadable look. "Not exactly."

"I mean it didn't get like that on its own."

"Obviously."

Steve is used to feeling like he's missing something, and he tries not to let it bother him, but in this case he really can't help it. There's a creeping sense of dread curdling in his gut, and he has a sneaking suspicion he's about to have his heart broken in a goddamn bathroom for the second time, but he's not sure why.

And then it clicks. 

He withdraws all at once, putting space between him and Billy and holding his hands up, palms out, hovering in the air like he can't trust them if he can't see them. "Wait, wait, wait, you had sex right before—was it—are you and Eddie dating?"

Billy scratches his forehead, face scrunched like this is just mildly annoying. "Yes."

"Oh."

"Before you get all fucking sanctimonious, he knows about this," he gestures between the two of them, "and it's fine. So…"

"What do you mean it's fine?" Steve's voice cracks a little, embarrassingly. 

Billy looks at him then, really looks at him. And his expression changes to something a little gentler. "I mean he's not exactly the jealous type, and we've talked about this. Really, it's okay."

"He's just…cool with you screwing around with other guys."

"I swear to god, Steve—do you want me to go get him, he'll tell you—"

"No, no. No. Um. No."

He has no doubt Billy would actually go get Eddie, just to prove a point, and this… situation— whatever's going on here—is messy enough already. If Billy was going to lie he would have just said he wasn't seeing anyone, but how does he know Eddie wasn't lying and just humoring Billy or something. 

But that's not even what's bothering Steve, not really. He knows it should. He feels like it should. Even when he was sleeping around with whoever struck his fancy he tended to stay away from anyone taken, it's just not worth the hassle when there's plenty of other people who are willing and single. And it's wrong , right? Sleeping with someone who has a boyfriend already? 

He should be disgusted with himself for considering it, but he isn't, and he doesn't like that he isn't.

Billy isn't just some random lay though. It might be worth the complications. 

And…the thing is. The thing is. That's not even the biggest problem. That part is mostly buried under the avalanche of other feelings that he didn't expect and doesn't know how to handle.

The thought of Billy fingering himself before the party got him going, but this is something else entirely. Knowing that a few hours ago Billy was opened up and fucked, and this whole time he's been walking around like that, loose and wet and…and now he's asking for Steve to fuck him, while he's still carrying the touch of another man on him, in him. Billy can probably still feel Eddie's cock inside him and now he wants Steve's too, and that's just…

Steve can barely breathe at the thought of it. He's beyond flushed, he's burning up, he can feel it behind his eyes, under his jaw, aching and molten, he wants, he wants so badly it fucking scares him. 

And he doesn't know why it's gripped him like this, or why he's so paralyzed over it. He doesn't have time to be conflicted, but he is. Frozen in place despite the heat bubbling in his veins. 

"Look, if you're gonna call me a whore, can you just do it now and have your fucking freak-out on your own time?" Billy says sullenly, reaching for his buttons, his expression shuttered.

Panic smashes thought Steve's indecision, shattering whatever hold fear had on him, and he springs into action, darting forward to take Billy's hands. "No!" He says it a little too loud, a little too sudden, and they both flinch, glancing towards the door.

"What, do I get a lecture first?" Despite his carefully neutral expression and defensive posture he lets Steve hold him in place. Steve gentles his grip, and hesitantly shuffles closer. "Harrington?"

Steve kisses him. Just once. It's chaste, and brief. Reassurance more than anything else. "Promised I'd make you cum, didn't I?" he murmurs, trying to project more confidence than he feels. "So unless you want me to call you that…"

"I—" Billy blinks at him. "Don't remember you saying anything about a promise, actually."

"Billy, are we gonna do this or— mmh."

What he does to Steve is less of a kiss and more of an attack with his mouth, but Steve recovers quickly, steadying himself with a hand on the nearest shelf. Something clatters to the tiled floor, but he ignores it, thoroughly distracted by the truly fucking sinful way Billy licks into his mouth, and his desperate pawing at the front of Steve's jeans. 

He utterly fails to pull them down enough for Steve to comfortably pull his cock out, too preoccupied with kissing Steve stupid, apparently.

"Here, let me," Steve laughs quietly, batting Billy's hands away. He glances around. It's not like there's enough space to fuck on the floor, and nothing really to sit on. The vanity is cluttered, and a bad height, so not useful either. There's a patch of bare wall next to the door, though. Might work. He jerks his chin at it. "Over there?"

Billy's gaze flicks towards it for half a second before returning to Steve. Very deliberately, without breaking eye-contact, he bares his shoulders, his arms, lets his clothes slip away and fall in a pile on the floor. 

He only lingers for a second before he flashes a grin and moves to the wall, but the image of Billy in nothing but his blue panties and fishnets is going to be burned into Steve's brain until the day he dies. He's going to remember the way he stood loose and confident, despite the scars he swore he'd always hide being on display. The way a few stray curls had caught in his earring. The red mark starting to bloom at the base of his throat. The light blond hairs beneath his belly button. The tiny wet spot spreading out from where the tip of his cock is pressed to his underwear. 

Steve stares blankly at the dark green fabric Billy left behind. His pulse roars in his ears. 

"You coming or what."

"Jesus," Steve mutters, subtly shaking his head in an attempt to clear it. He runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah."

It's a bit of an awkward shuffle getting into position, stepping up behind Billy, making sure he's a comfortable distance from the wall—not so far that he'll overbalance if he needs to brace himself, but not too close either—fussing over where exactly to stand. He's stalling. He hates that he's stalling. There's a not insignificant part of him that's screaming at him to get on with it, that's burning with need. But he can't help the anxious grip twisting his guts. Now that he's actually here, about to do this, it's not just talk or flirting or making out, they're doing this.

He just…wants it to be good. He wants it to be perfect. Despite the fact that they'll have to keep quiet, and they can't take their time, and Billy will be staring at a wrinkle in the floral patterns pasted to the wall the whole time. He wants those things to be inconsequential compared to the rest of it.

But that's a lot to ask of someone with sweaty palms and a sneaking suspicion that he'll blow his load three pumps in.

He wriggles his jeans down a bit, taking his briefs with them, just far enough that they'll be out of the way. The air feels cold against his flushed skin. He's so hard it fucking hurts.

Billy cranes his neck to lock eyes with Steve over his shoulder, impatience clear in the way he arches his eyebrow, lips pursed like he's holding words back. 

Steve takes his hands, and guides them so his palms are pressed to the wall. For a moment he's just holding Billy, arms caged around him, chest touching his back, curls tickling his nose. The tip of his cock brushes Billy's ass, the material stretched across it tantalizingly soft and frictionless. He drops a kiss to Billy's shoulder. "Keep 'em there, okay?"

Billy lets out a quiet breath that sounds as unsteady as Steve feels. It's oddly reassuring. 

Back in high school Steve thought about Billy Hargrove's ass more often than he was ready to admit. Mostly along the lines of who needs to wear jeans that tight and stop staring, just wash your hair and leave. He'd never considered anything like this. The way it would look wrapped in blue silk and trimmed with lace. Getting to hook his fingers into the elastic waistband and slide it down, like he was unwrapping the worlds most pornographic Christmas present. 

Teenaged Steve was missing out, truly.

"C'mon, c'mon," Billy urges him, arching his back just for the barest hint of contact, curling his fingers into fists against the wall. 

Steve takes his cock in hand, and grips Billy's hip with the other. Lines himself up, and slowly pushes inside. 

Agonizingly slow. Inch by inch. He squeezes his eyes shut and buries a groan in smoke-and-spice-scented curls, looping his arm around Billy's waist to pull him closer. Billy's abs twitch, tensing, firm under his palm, and almost absentmindedly Steve rubs his thumb in comforting circles in response. 

He bottoms out with a stuttering exhale, and waits, listening to Billy breathe shallowly.

"You good?" he murmurs, slipping his other arm around Billy as well, and pressing another kiss to his shoulder. He doesn't pull back after, just rests there, lips brushing warm skin, enjoying the prolonged contact. The tight heat around his dick is making his head swim and his back sweat, but he'd almost be happy to just stay like this, holding Billy, sheathed inside him. Touching him everywhere he can. 

Billy shifts his hips, like he's trying to take more, grinding back against Steve with a contented little hum.

It's not quite an answer. At least, it's not the answer Steve was looking for. He slides his hands up, cupping Billy's chest and thumbing the hard nubs of his nipples, rolling them between his fingers. 

The punched out whine that Billy lets out makes Steve's whole body light up, and he just barely restrains the reflexive twitch of his hips. 

"Need to hear you say it."

"Christ, Harrington, just fucking fuck me," he hisses. There's a slight wobble in his voice, a break towards the end, but mostly he sounds desperate, and goddamn if that isn't something Steve wouldn't mind hearing more of.

So. Good enough.

He gives Billy what he wants.

And thankfully he lasts longer than three pumps. But he's hanging on by a thread, overwhelmed in the best way. Billy is heavy and pliant in his arms, trembling and swallowing sweet little noises every time Steve nudges his prostate. 

The slick glide of hours-old lube dripping from his hole is a constant reminder that Steve is the second person to fuck Billy today. That Eddie goddamn Munson had his fingers here, his cock. Steve wonders if Billy likes that Eddie's hands are guitar-calloused. Wonders what that feels like. 

Lingers on the fact that Billy fucked his boyfriend this very afternoon, and still wanted Steve. 

Fantasizes about fucking Billy while he's dripping with more than just lube. While he's still sensitive and overstimulated, wet and used and so, so good for Steve. So willing and ready for him. 

His knees just about give out when Billy lets slip a thready moan, all hitched breath and something that could've been Steve's name. One of his hands slips from the wall with clear intent, but Steve reflexively grabs his wrist before he can touch himself. The sound Billy makes his half outrage, half sob, and Steve still doesn't let him go. Still thrusts into him, playing with his pink and swollen nipple, lips grazing the back of his neck. 

"Steve."

"Not yet. Not yet, baby. You're doing so good," Steve murmurs between shallow breaths. "So good."

He guides Billy's hand back to the wall, stroking scarred knuckles with his thumb, holding him in place with a gentle touch. 

"I can't—I need—" Billy pants, curling in on himself 'til his forehead is pressed to the wall between his hands, he's shuddering, knuckles white, his chest heaving. "Fuck , Steve, I—I'm…"

He could break out of Steve's grip easily, and they both know it. He could have a hand on his cock in seconds if he really wanted to, but he doesn't. Something about that makes Steve's heart skip, sing, float out of his mouth, light and giddy. 

Steve lets go of his hand, skimming his fingers up Billy's arm, his neck, to cup his chin and turn his face. It's an awkward angle, but Billy sighs against his mouth, leaning back against Steve's shoulder, greedily sucking on his bottom lip. Steve can feel the tiny puffs of breath punch out of Billy every time he languidly rolls his hips, revels in the way his kissing is so much sloppier, wild and hungry. 

While he's distracted Steve reaches down and takes ahold of his dick. 

He jolts, surprised, his breathless cry muffled by Steve's lips. 

It's that sound that pushes Steve right to the edge. He can feel all the heat in his veins flare, the pressure in his gut tighten. 

"Billy," he gasps, kisses him again, fervently, "Billy I'm—I'm gonna—" He tries to pull back, pull out, he's halfway there when Billy falls back, plastering himself to Steve's front, from collarbone to thigh.

"Stay." Too soft to be a demand, quiet and pleading, Steve's heart somersaults in his chest. 

Billy grinds down on him, clenching around him, bucking into his grip, and just like that, Steve cums so hard his vision goes spotty. He bites his lip so hard he tastes blood, holding Billy around the waist so tightly he's afraid he'll leave marks. 

It takes him a second to relax, let out a breath and get his bearings.

His hand is sticky. That's the first thing he notices. Then, Billy bonelessly flopped against his chest, taking deep, quiet breaths, twitching when Steve's grip shifts on his softening cock. He makes a tiny irritated noise when Steve pulls out of him, and Steve tries—fails, but tries—not to find it hopelessly endearing. 

What he wouldn't give to be laying down right now. To be able to roll over and press Billy into his mattress, curl into the crook of his neck and listen to his heartbeat as they fall asleep. 

The sweat on his back is cooling, leaving his shirt uncomfortably damp in places. The noises from downstairs continue like nothing happened. Casual chatter. The ringing of bells from some Christmas song on the radio. His feels wrung out, exhausted at the thought of having to dodge questions about why he was gone so long. 

Christ, they're gonna have to go back downstairs. Rejoin the rest of the world. Go back to…life. A life where Billy has a boyfriend, and Steve…

He gently pushes Billy upright. "We should get cleaned up."

Billy needs it more than he does, he notes guiltily. Steve might have cum drying on his fingers but Billy's makeup is wrecked, lipstick reduced to a pink stain smeared around his mouth, eyeshadow blurred with sweat. Upon closer inspection, there are tracks running down his cheek, black bits of makeup washed down his face by, presumably, tears, which, holy shit. When did that happen?

Steve rubs at the wetness with his thumb, like he's trying to prove to himself it's not what he thinks it is. All he succeeds in doing is getting his heart tugged on when Billy leans into the touch. 

"Uh, sorry," Steve blurts out, because that's what comes out of his face when he has no idea what's happening apparently. Default to apologizing, because there's probably something he needs to be sorry for. Jesus Christ. 

"What for." 

"...Dunno." He pauses. Swipes his thumb across Billy's cheekbone again. "You cried."

Billy's back stiffens. "Don't worry 'bout it," he mutters, scrubbing at his face with the heel of his hand. He's gone suddenly, all at once, pulling out of Steve's loose embrace and brushing past him. Steve stares at the wrinkled wallpaper. 

There's rustling behind him. And the sound of a tap running. 

Guess that's that then. Billy seems to be getting on with it. Erasing all evidence that this happened, and moving on with his life. He seems to have a good life here, to be fair, him and Max are getting along better, he's got friends, a boyfriend, he's happy . Steve tries desperately to feel good about that, and not horribly, selfishly jealous that he isn't a part of any of it. 

They had a nice time, because Billy and Eddie have an understanding, apparently, and that's all he's gonna get. And that's fine. It has to be fine, demanding more just…wouldn't be fair to anyone. Just thinking about being the guy who can't tell when he's not wanted makes him feel ill. He's had enough of that, thanks. All he can hope is that he was good enough to be memorable. 

It's fine.

Steve lets out a breath. Tucks himself back into his pants and zips them up. He can wash up later, the bathroom is starting to feel claustrophobic and he needs to be…anywhere else. 

"I, uh…This was. Fun. Thanks." He hides a wince, bowing his head and running a hand through his hair. He doesn't even know if Billy is looking at him right now, but it's the principle of the thing. "See ya, 'round, I guess."

He doesn't wait for an answer. It's rude, and selfish, but he knows Billy's not gonna say what he wants to hear, and he doesn't want to wait around hoping.

Walking into the hall feels like stepping into another dimension. He takes in a shuddering lungful of sweet-scented air, and pastes on what he hopes is a normal expression. 

He doesn't look back.

He does, however, look down at his hand.

"Ah, fuck."

**

Billy stares, unseeing at the bathroom door. 

Should've expected that, really. Things were going too well. 

Things have been going suspiciously well for months, actually. Max has stopped jumping down his throat when she catches him smoking (the doc said he didn't recommend it, not that he couldn't do it). He likes his quiet, boring job. His scars still hurt, but it's more manageable now. And there's Eddie. 

Eddie was just fun at first, and then he somehow ended up being someone Billy could count on. Or at least someone who makes him forget to watch out for the other shoe. Which is all he can ask for, really. It's a feeling he's not entirely familiar with, to be honest. 

But apparently that's made him complacent. Now he's the kind of person who gets blindsided by people walking out on him. 

This was fun. Jesus Christ. 

This was everything he's been too scared to want, everything he's hated himself for dreaming of, everything he's guiltily fantasized about since that stupid fucking Halloween party back in '84. But sure. Fun. That too. 

He wants to think it's a relief to be proved right. He wants to be grimly, stoically smug that he was correct in thinking he's always going to end up alone and miserable somehow. 

But he can't. He's not. It just hurts.

He lets himself cry, silently, holding his breath while tears slip down his cheeks, counting down from sixty.

Fifty-nine…

Fifty-eight…

When his minute is up he finishes getting dressed. Washes his face. Methodically puts himself back together. 

Lingers, staring in the mirror, his fingertips brushing the bruise just under his collar, pressing ever-so-slightly on it just to feel a twinge instead of soft lips and softer words whispered into his skin. Steve didn't fuck him like this was a one-and-done, just looking to get his rocks off with a warm body and perfunctory touches. He held Billy like he was something precious, fucked like he wanted to crawl inside and never leave, acted like he knew Billy would let him.  

Maybe he did know. Maybe he was just trying to give Billy what he wanted. As much as he could stand to. 

Everyone always said Steve Harrington's a fantastic lay, maybe that was the secret. Being a fucking people pleaser.

Billy turns away from his reflection. 

He needs to talk to Eddie.

The thought makes him squirm. The instinct to confide in someone is still…new. Weird. Six months ago he would have rejected the idea and spiraled into self-loathing unchecked. He still kind of wants to. Spilling his guts about his stupid feelings is fucking humiliating.

But Eddie never makes him feel like shit about it.

He rubs his forehead. His eyes are dry, achy. It's making his head hurt.

He can't stay up here forever, no matter how much his stomach turns at the thought of being seen like this. Hiding away would be more of a giveaway than his red-rimmed eyes and barely salvaged makeup job. 

Okay.

It'll be okay.

Just as he's finished psyching himself up for the trip downstairs, the door rattles. Quiet, insistent tapping from the other side. And, "Billy, you still in there?" Eddie whisper yelling through the door. 

It's embarrassing how fast his knees turn to jelly, relief washing over him at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah."

"Oh thank god, that would've been so awkward if you weren't," Eddie mumbles half to himself as he nudges the door open, slipping into the room as soon as there's enough of a gap. His eyes are on Billy, wide and curious, lingering on the mark Steve left, and the pink blush where his lipstick rubbed off. "You okay? Harrington came downstairs looking like a spooked deer, which, uh. Didn't bode well. He didn't have a big straight boy meltdown did he? He kinda seems like the type."

…Did he? 

That couldn't have been Steve's first time with a guy. He knew what he was doing. And he didn't seem shy about it either. Doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't freak out after the fact, but…

Billy shakes his head. "Nah, it wasn't like that." He pauses, picking at a rough patch on his thumbnail. "He was probably just worried someone would ask him why he's been gone so long." 

"Yeah, you two were up here a while," Eddie laughs, then schools his expression, scratching his cheek. "Seriously, what's the deal though, you all good, orr…?"

For all Billy's desire to talk to Eddie about what happened, he sure has no fucking clue how to start now that he's here. Suddenly he has no idea what did happen, if he ever knew. What's he even upset about? He had some truly mind-blowing sex and now he's all broken up about not being coddled afterwards? Did he have some ridiculous expectation that Steve would fall to his knees afterwards and declare that he's been secretly in love this whole time and he's going to move to California to be with Billy?

No, he tries to tell himself he didn't, that he's not that fucking stupid, but he's starting to have a sneaking suspicion that maybe he is. Maybe he really was that blind and dumb, and now reality is kicking him in the teeth and he has the audacity to be shocked by it.

He can't tell Eddie that. 

His chest feels tight. Like when he forgets to put lotion on his scars and the slightest chill makes his skin feel thick and unwieldy, like his ribs have been shrinkwrapped, and every breath is a struggle to get air into burning lungs. 

"Billy?" Concern bleeds into Eddie's soft tone. Concern he doesn't deserve, because he's just being an idiot, wanting things he can't have. Always watching empty doorways waiting for people who will never walk through them. 

He should be grateful for what he has, but instead he's crying over not having more, it's fucking pathetic. 

Billy shudders when Eddie carefully tucks loose curls behind his ears, guitar callouses catching on errant threads. It's a familiar motion, familiar touches, Eddie's perpetually cold hands, the rough patches on his fingertips, the way he always starts with the hesitance of a question with an uncertain answer. The familiarity is grounding, comforting, but Billy's still not sure what the answer is. He wants to lean into the touch, wants to be reminded that he's cared for, but a small angry part of him screams its throat raw and bloody telling him not to. Telling him to protect himself. He's gone soft , and it's Eddie's fault.

His eyes fall shut, and he shakes his head again, harder, trying to clear it. Eddie withdraws, taking that as an answer, but Billy panics at the sudden loss, heart leaping into his mouth, he grabs Eddie's hand. 

"Shit, baby, what did he do to you?" Eddie murmurs, brows drawing together. He laces their fingers together, stepping into Billy's space to nudge Billy's cheek with his nose, like an affectionate cat. "Do I need to kick his ass?"

Billy snorts. "No."

"I could, you know. I could totally take him," 

"Pretty sure my little sister could take him, man. I'm not sure he's ever won a fight."

"Now there's an idea. Sic Max on him."

Billy's laugh is more genuine this time. He takes a breath. And another. The ring on his middle finger knocks against one of Eddie's, and he clicks them together again. He sighs. "He didn't do anything wrong." The words don't come easily, he has to drag them out, scraped raw and bruised, grimacing at the sour taste of them. "He fucked me and left, it wasn't…it was a perfectly normal hook up."

Eddie leans back enough to look him in the eye. If anything he looks more concerned by Billy's assurances. "That's it?"

It stings. Worse than a slap in the face. His posture goes rigid. "Yeah, I know, I'm all fucked up over nothing, thanks—"

"Nooo, no, no, no. No. Billy. Not what I meant." Eddie squeezes Billy's hand, clasping it between both of his like he's scared he'll pull away. "That's not what I meant," he adds, quieter, pleading. When Billy stays, suspicious but no longer tense and angry, he takes a breath. "I know you haven't just been pining after his dick for three years, when we talked about this it was pretty obvious you wanted to date him. That's kind of what we were making the exception for, no? So what's the deal here. Because seriously, I will kick his ass if he was just using you to get laid."

"I don't fucking know, okay. It just happened. We didn't exactly stop to negotiate terms beforehand."

"...He doesn't know you've been making giant cartoon heart-eyes at him since high school, does he."

Billy levels an unimpressed glare at him. "I burst into tears the second he put his dick in me, Eddie. I told him to cum in me. I think I made it pretty fucking obvious what this was."

"Okay, first of all, hot. And secondly. I love you, but do you have any idea how long it took me to figure you out? You're not as easy to read as you think you are." Eddie lets out an exasperated, half amused huff of a laugh. "And from what I hear Harrington is especially terrible at reading you. He actually believed you when you told him you lost a bet, didn't he."

"That's—"

"Billy."

"I—maybe, I dunno."

"That sounded a lot like, 'yes but I hate it when you're right.'"

"Fuck off."

"Mhm."

"Prick."

Eddie grins. "You love me."

"I hate you."

"Loooove."

Billy breaks, fond, begrudging, and smiles, a sigh rushing out of him. "Fine. Okay. Yeah."

"Ha. I win." He kisses Billy's nose. Then his cheek. His mouth. He rests their foreheads together, expression growing serious again. "You need to talk to him, y'know."

"Debatable."

"No, no it is not. You're going to be kicking yourself until the end of time if you don't work this out now."

He's right. Again. The bastard. 

But it might be better to regret not clearing things up than to go for it and get explicitly shot down. He could barely handle implied rejection, what's going to happen if he bares his soul and Steve doesn't want it. 

"Billy, I can see the evil little gears in your head spinning. Stop. Stop whatever it is that you're doing right now. It's gonna be okay."

"What if it isn't?" He doesn't mean to ask. His voice comes out small and wobbly, and all in a rush before he can catch it. 

Eddie cards his fingers through Billy's hair. "Even if it doesn't go the way you hope it does, you're gonna be alright. You're strong like that. And you've got me still. And plenty of other people who care about you. I know you want him, and that…uh, it's hard when that kind of thing is taken away, but you don't need him. Not to live. Not to be happy. You'll be okay."

It's then that Billy is vividly reminded that Eddie watched a girl he cared about get brutally murdered, and it…puts things in perspective. 

He lifts their joined hands and kisses Eddie's knuckles. 

"Alright. But if this turns out to be a huge mistake I'm making you watch Dirty Dancing again."

"Oh, come on."

"Be there for me in my time of need, Eddie."

"Ugh."

**

He finds Steve sitting on the loveseat, blank, glassy eyes aimed at the muted weather report on TV. Henderson is perched beside him, nattering in his ear.  

"It's weird , okay. You're being weird. And no one will admit that it's weird, which is weirder—"

"Hey, Nerd Jr. Scram."

Steve flails, freezing with his arms half raised, his eyes bugging out of their sockets, scrunched into the corner of the couch like he can disappear between the cushions if he throws himself at them hard enough. It would be fucking hilarious if Billy didn't feel a little like throwing up and a lot like running away. And if Steve's stare wasn't so intense it's making the back of his neck prickle. 

"You can't just—"

"Dustin, it's okay." Steve manages to sound surprisingly level for a guy who jumped out of his skin two seconds ago. 

Henderson throws his hands in the air. "I swear to god, Steve. If he, like, has something on you I can help with that. Never give in to blackmail."

"Unless what they have on you is, like, super embarrassing, then maybe consider it," Eddie says, appearing out of nowhere with a lilt in his voice, throwing an arm around Billy's shoulders and leaning towards Henderson with a conspiratorial smile. "Trust me, man. Better off staying outta this one." 

"Wait is he actually—"

"No," Steve cuts in, a sudden odd edge to his voice. 

Eddie glances between Steve and Billy, squinting in that way he does when he's got some idea percolating in his little gremlin brain. He's putting pieces together, and Billy has no fucking idea where he's getting them, it's not like he doesn't already know what's happening here.

With that same contemplative look on his face, he shifts closer to Billy, putting his arm more securely around him. And then kisses his cheek.

Billy stiffens, ever-so-slightly, trying his hardest to play it off while his pulse roars in his ears and his face flushes, because what the FUCK, Eddie. 

He's desperately grasping for conversational straws that might distract everyone from what just happened, but he fumbles, drops the whole lot of them when Steve shifts in place, averting his eyes. Looking down at his hands, his mouth twisted into a tiny frown. 

Huh.

Henderson's looking at them both like they've grown second heads, but Billy couldn't give less of a shit now. 

"Y'know, I think you're gonna be more than okay, babe," Eddie whispers in his ear, chin propped on his shoulder. "Good luck." He pats Billy's side before withdrawing and turning to the dumbstruck little nerd on the couch. "Henderson. I do believe I was in the middle of completely destroying you in a debate."

Henderson narrows his eyes. "I know what you're doing, and I'm only letting it work because I've decided I don't actually want to know what's going on here."

"Good man."

And then they're alone. 

As alone as they can be while he can still hear Jon patiently explaining why he's better off going to college in-state, and Susan's shy laughter as Mrs.Henderson tells her about a party she went to in the 60s. And he can feel Will looking at them. He's been looking since Eddie slung a casual arm over Billy's shoulders. 

The kid has a staring problem. It used to make Billy itch, the way he'd always be watching. Took him too long to realize why he did it. 

The last thing Billy ever expected to be for anyone was a role model, and he still hesitates to use that phrase. He'd never forgive himself if Will ended up like him. But he's doing the best he can. Sometimes all he can do is just…let himself be seen.

He sits down next to Steve, close enough that their knees touch. He's warm. Solid. Not moving away. 

"I was talking about you, y'know," Billy says quietly. 

Steve blinks at him, brows furrowing. "Huh?"

"You're the only thing I ever missed about Indiana."

"Oh."

Billy snorts. "Oh."

Something in Steve's expression softens. Something warm and inviting. He's always had a face like a hearthfire, making pretty promises of home and safety when you watch through a window. Dangerous if you get too close. 

It's gone a moment later, snuffed out. Steve looks away, a frown tugging at his lips again. "I never understood why you didn't say goodbye."

Well. That's ironic. 

Billy'd forgotten about that. He was in a bad way when he left Hawkins. Angry at himself, at the world, so deep in the weeds that he couldn't remember what sunlight looked like. He wasn't the kind of person that people wanted to know. Steve certainly hadn't made an effort, but he was always around , like he was just trying to remind Billy of what he couldn't have. 

He didn't know how to say goodbye to someone he barely knew but desperately wanted to. It was easier just to make it as clean a break as possible. He'd always assumed Steve wouldn't care either way. 

"We weren't friends, Steve."

A muscle in Steve's jaw twitches. "I know. But there was…something, right?"

"…What exactly are you asking me?" This is not where he saw this conversation going.

"I dunno, just thought, like, we could've been friends, right? Or. Something else. Y'know, before."

What. The fuck. Is he supposed to say to that. 

"We weren't , why does it matter what might have happened?" 

"Guess it doesn't," Steve mumbles at his knee, posture wilting. 

"Did—did you want to be friends back then?" He can't ask about something else . He doesn't want to know. There are enough things in his life that he regrets, he doesn't need to add wasted three years not jumping on Steve's dick to the list. 

This is almost worse though. That chance Billy could've had something real back then. Something to hold on to while he was drowning. A chance he wasted by being a coward. 

"Why does it matter?" Steve parrots, just edging into bitchy with his tone. 

It doesn't, he wants to say. It shouldn't. He approached Steve tonight because all his Talking It Out with Eddie had him in knots over all the stupid shit he did while mooning over Steve. He wanted to test the waters, see if he could get his shit together. Get closure, ideally. Discard that horrible little pearl of hope that had gotten caught somewhere along the line. But then Steve looked at him like Eddie looks at him, and all the just go for it and see what happens Eddie planted in his head took over. 

But that was just tonight. It was a chance he'd taken and he's lucked out, and maybe Steve wanted to explore this new thing with him, but it was new. It was just this. It was Billy getting a second chance because he was a better person than he was before. Steve wouldn't have wanted him when he was at his worst. He wouldn't. He didn't.  

"Because I was a piece of shit, Steve," he hisses, fingers curled into fists in his lap. "I was a fucking nightmare, and you hated me. And I didn't say goodbye because I was a selfish prick who couldn't deal with letting go of the one thing in that fucking hellhole that was worth a damn."

Steve stares at him. Really looks, like he's trying to burrow inside and pick him apart. "What about Eddie?"

"I didn't know him then."

"You didn't know me."

"But I wanted to! I always wanted to, you fucking asshole, so don't—don't pretend we could've been anything back then, alright. I tried, and it didn't go anywhere." Billy bites his lip. He came here to talk, but not about this. Ideally he would have never talked about this. It's fucking embarrassing. 

"I…" Steve furrows his brow. "Always kind of thought you hated me, to be honest." Well. Looks like Eddie was right about Steve's observation skills. Fucking hell. "I didn't hate you though. You were annoying as hell sometimes, I'll give you that, but…Jesus Christ, Billy."

…Apparently Billy's aren't much better. Okay.

"So I guess we could've been something then," Billy says dryly, just to break the silence. "If we weren't so fucking stupid."

Steve laughs, a little helplessly, and runs a hand through his hair. "Guess so." He sobers, arm dropping to his side, tucked close like he's hugging himself. Billy wants to touch him. Offer something. He doesn't know what. "Kind of, uh. Sucks we figured that out too late then."

Billy rears back, enough that their thighs are no longer pressed together. His heart falls somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach, dropping like a stone in dark water. "What?" 

"...What do you mean 'what?'"

"Steve, for fuck's sake—"

"You have a boyfriend now! And a life here! I don't—you said—" Steve gestures vehemently, talking a little too loud, seemingly unable to stop this from bursting out of him. "Being cool with your boyfriend hooking up with random dudes is one thing, dating is—it's not, I'm not trying to get in between you two, okay? You guys seem, happy. It's—I'm happy for you."

Oh.

Oh shit.

"Steve, for fuck's sake!" Billy launches himself forward, barely registering Steve's wide-eyed surprise before he grabs his face and plants one on him. And another. Gentler this time. Steve makes an odd wheezing sound. 

"Uh."

"He's cool with me being with you , dumbass. He knew how I felt—how I feel , and. We talked about it. We talked about you. Okay?"

Steve opens his mouth. Closes it again. "Oh," he breathes. 

Doubts prickle at Billy, needling him, the same doubts he had when Eddie first brought this idea up. Before he swore up and down that he just wanted to be with Billy, he didn't want to lose him, it didn't matter how he felt about anyone else. 

"You're okay with this, right."

The doubts start to swarm, multiplying, when Steve pauses, expression pinched as he considers it. 

"I mean, it's weird." He reaches out to touch Billy's arm, a loose grip around his elbow. "But I just…wanna make you happy. I wanna be part of what makes you happy. I don't have to be all of it."

The doubts melt away. Along with Billy's entire heart. "Oh."

Steve grins. "Oh," he echoes.

"Are you boys, uh. Almost finished? Dinner's ready," Joyce Byers calls out from where she's leaning against the half-wall behind the couch. 

They spring apart, Steve stuttering out half-sentences, and Billy slowly realizing that half the people he knows were six feet away the entire time, and he feels a little like the ground could swallow him whole right now and that would be better than what's happening. 

His face heats when Joyce grins at them. "Better wash up, the table's already set." And with that she turns to leave. 

It could have gone much worse, but Billy still kind of wants to crawl into a hole somewhere. Eddie's beaming at them from across the room, Henderson is eyeing him suspiciously, Susan comes out of the kitchen with a bowl of mashed potatoes in hand and shoots him a tiny, gentle smile, and Will is sitting at the dining table, staring at the plate in front of him with a vacant, wide-eyed look. 

He's gonna have to have a conversation with that kid later. Christ, he's gonna fuck it up so bad.

Steve reaches over and takes his hand. 

…But maybe if he keeps trying something good will come from it anyways.

#harringroveson #stedilly #harringrove #mungrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #gnc billy hargrove #stranger things #a raven's writing desk

[fangirls-just-want-to-have-fun]

My Thoughts That No One Asked For on Dancing With The Stars season 31 ep. 11: The Finale!!

THE PROS ARE SLAYING WE LOVE TO SEE IT

Ezra Sosa you own me

Okay listen they all look SO GOOD in white omg 😭(at least I got to see Daniel and Britt look gorgeous and stunning in white the other week)

OKAY TYRA 🤩 

My heart gets a little brighter every time I see Britt and Daniel 🥰 

God bless Jason Lewis my man is trying his damn best

You know I’ll admit Teresa isn’t actually all that terrible

Sam and Cheryl 🥹 

Shangela and Gleb’s partnership >>>>>

THAT SECOND HALF OF SHANGELA’S DANCE HOLY MOTHER

Shangela FIGHTING to make sure she was right I LOVE to see it

Len LOVES her and I did NOT expect that coming into this season 

HALEY NO I HOPE SHE’S OKAY 😭 

Oh my gosh it’s so nice to see all the old contestants back again to support 🥰 

Shangela speaking out on the mass shooting in Colorado ❤️ no one is doing it like her idc

Okay all nines is not bad! (But I can see she looks kind of disappointed dw shangela bb you did fantastic) 🥺 

Off topic but I literally remember watching the episode where the whole “from Len the Ten” thing started 😂 

Okay Wayne is actually doing better than I thought he would!

I’m thinking all nines 

The shoutouts to the musicians get me every time 😭 

CHERYL BURKE YOU ARE AN ICON AND A LEGEND I’LL MISS YOU 😭 

God she just makes it look EFFORTLESS 🤩 

God I’m just reminded of how much the most memorable year night made me SOB

But then I’m also reminded of how angry the dance marathon made me

“You’re my new hero.” Michael Buble you are so real

TEAM SCREAM SLAYED I’LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT

JOSEPH BAENA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH 😭 

Omg it is SO nice to see Jordin and Brandon back together 

OH THEY’RE DANCING IN THEIR PROMO OUTFITS how did I JUST realize that

Positively begging for Alan Bersten to get a nice partner next season please Disney plus help this man 😭 

CHARLI AND MARK LET’S GO

I’ve never seen someone who more objectively deserves to win than Charli D’amelio I’m gonna be real y’all

You know they had to think SO hard to find a redemption dance for her lmfao 😭 

Oh god we are SECONDS in and this is already THE SLAYEST

I smell a mirrorball for mark (update: YEP.)

Dixie looks so proud 🥹 

Oh god Charli looks so nervous 😭 (and Mark holding her hand omg)

It makes me so upset that she is literally a year younger than me and my girl is deadass about to win a fucking mirrorball 

Full offense but the troupe members?? 👀 😍 

“[singing in non-English]” now WHAT kind of subtitle is that pls 🥲 

Is mark wearing a pin of the British flag for Len…? 🥺 

TENS FOR CHARLI BABY I’M GONNA CRY

So we’re gonna talk about the fact that Charli is now officially like the highest scoring DWTS contestant right?? Like we’re gonna talk about that when my girl WINS??

MY COMPUTER IS GLITCHING NO

SELMA GETS TO PERFORM HER CONTEMPORARY I’M GONNA CRY

JORDIN CAME TO SLAY ONE MORE TIME 😭 🙌🏻 

Selma Blair you deserved so much better 🥺 

JORDIN CHEERING FIR SELMA BEFORE THE SONG WAS EVEN OVER I’M GONNA 😢

Okay listen not to be mean but I’m not really looking forward to Gabby’s dances like yes I KNOW she’s a good dancer but she still kind of annoys me

I have said it MANY times before and good god I’ll say it again, every time Gabby claps for herself I die a little bit inside

No do NOT tell me she’s getting a perfect score

gODDAMNIT

I will admit it’s so nice to see Vinny actually having fun on the dance floor instead of looking absolutely terrified the whole time

Get you someone who looks at you the way Daniel Durant and Britt Stewart look at each other 🤩 god it’s so nice to see them again 

Not me crying over Len Goodman 😭 

PLEASE the way he sounded so excited to get his own mirrorball 😭 

Damn they don’t gotta say the “bottom of the leaderboard” there’s literally four of them lmfao

Listen I may not want him to win but I just KNOW Wayne’s freestyle is gonna EAT

God the other pros were staying BOOKED this week

Witney holy SHIT that choreo

“She’s invited to the cookout.” I’m not even kidding that’s probably the single funniest thing Tyra has said all season

“My new little sister” I’m gonna CRY

I know I should be focusing on their scores but Joe Baena is in the back lookin all cute 😊

FUCK IM CRYING OVER LEN AGAIN 😭 

Oh come on Charli and Mark are gonna KILL this

Mark and Charli being Actual Siblings™️ and helping each other rediscover their love for dance I’m fucking sobbing 😭 

THEY HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING IN THEIR DANCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THAT WAS SO GOOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM CRYING

Tag yourself I’m everyone in the balcony losing their fucking minds

Derek is gonna make me cry even harder I can’t do this 😭 

PERFECT SCORE I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT 🙌🏻 

If Gabby gets another perfect score I’m gonna lose my shit

Fuck her dance is actually pretty good so far

NOT HER HEEL GETTING STUCK IN HER DRESS OH GOD

LMFAO YOU KNOW JORDAN AND JOE ARE TALKING ABOUT THAT LOL

Jenna shoutout 🙌🏻 

SHE CHOREOGRAPHED THAT??? WHILE VERY PREGNANT??

God fucking damnit 🤦‍♀️ 

Gen Z we better have come through voting for Charli 

Oh we LOVE the pro dance starting with our queen Britt Stewart (Daniel Durant you are a lucky man)

THE EMMA AND SASHA MOMENT HELLO???? WHAT WAS THAT??

OH my girl Shangela is looking GOOD for this final dance 

The way Gleb talks about working with Shangela >>>>>>> I’m gonna - 😭 

Hold on I do however find it interesting that they ONLY showed Shangela in that little live preview WAIT ARE THEY GONNA PUT HIM IN DRAG OH MY GOD

YEAH I’M SURE THE TOUR IS GONNA BE GREAT CAN WE GET TO SHANGELA ALREADY

I’m sorry is she on WIRES???

OH THIS LOOK ARE YOU KIDDING

THE DEATH DROP GET OUT OF HERE

GLEB HOLY FUCK

THAT WAS SO GLORIOUS OH MY GOD

How are any of the judges being REMOTELY normal after that

LEN FORGOT TO VOTE GET OUTTA HERE

Gleb you are so slay 💅 

Come on let’s give my girl one more perfect score 🙏🏻 

Sasha OWNING that chicken costume is KILLING me

GLEB’S DRAG VOICE I’M ON THE FLOOR

SLAY ONE LAST PERFECT SCORE FOR MY GIRL SHANGELA

Sam Champion I love you forever 💕 

DWTS editors you were so real for showing us the best Daniel and Britt moments in Daniel’s section 

LET THEM ALL SPEAK I WANNA HEAR FROM JOE 

CHARLI AND DANIEL ARE GOING ON TOUR BABY HOW DO I GET TICKETS

I’m sorry did the CHAINSMOKERS just wish Charli luck????

The “whose line is it anyway” guys wishing Wayne luck 🥹 

LIN SUPPORTING WAYNE HAHAHA AIN’T NO WAY

I’M SORRY WHAT DID THEY JUST SAY SHANGELA PLACED FOURTH FUCK OFF WITH THAT NOISE

Okay come on Charli take home that trophy my love 

YES FUCK IT UP CHARLI ABSOLUTELY 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 THIS IS WHAT WE LIKE TO SEE 👏🏼 👏🏼 

MIRRORBALL FOR MARK WE LOVE TO SEE IT BABY 🙌🏻 

Emma and Pasha lifting Charli and Joe and Alan lifting Mark 😭 

Charli and Mark’s funky sibling relationship >>>>>>>

What a fantastic season!! I’m sad that I won’t be able to make it to the tour, but it looks like they’ve got such a great cast! Loved this season, and I’ll maybe see you guys next time!!

#THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD FINALE #dancing with the stars #dwts #dancing with the stars 31 #dwts finale #ezra sosa #daniel durant #britt stewart #britt x daniel #tyra banks #jason lewis #teresa giudice #sam champion #cheryl burke #shangela #gleb savchenko #len goodman #derek hough #haley erbert #wayne brady #witney carson #michael buble #joseph baena #jordin sparks #brandon armstrong #alan bersten #charli d'amelio #mark ballas #emma slater #sasha farber

[agustdiv1ne]

i dont wanna reblog on this acc for reasons, but i just finished telepathy (got off track so many times im sorry) and its literally the best thing i have ever read in my entire life. like istg there were a few moments when i laughed out loud (taehyuns "thats nepotism" caught me so off guard i giggled) (there was another moment at the beginning i don't remember the line) and i genuinely laughed when he first found out what she listens too 😭 i think this fic is the most relatable to me, tbh, bc like if you saw me in the street, i look like an innocent chubby girl, not someone who writes hybrid smut about people on the internet 💀 like im totally the type to get off to someone i saw randomly somewhere (ive done it before)

AND THE SCENE WITH HIM JACKING OFF>??????? like i was reading with a straight face until the fUCKING BUTTON UP???? LIKE ITS THE LITTLE DETAILS THAT COUNT ISTG (mental reminder for when i write later)

i already knew what was gonna happen as soon as i read pseudo-fingering in the warnings last night, but reading it was a whole fucking other story, i swear to fucking god. i've become kind of immune to reading smut in my experienced age (😭), so it's rare for me to find a fic that gives, like, ALL the tingles (iykyk)

and this one gave so much more than that- like if i was home alone right now, this would be jackoff material, i am not kidding you. like the pretty girl thing was already a little sjkhbdehdfb to me, and then just the whole "dont make it obvious" was so sjkdhbshjdi

AND THEN THE FUCKING SCENE???? LIKE IM SORRY I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT AT ALL and like, im sorry gyu but if this ever happened to me i would not be able to stay quiet at all. like legitimately i'd be crying.

i was just WAITING for that ending if im being honest, like i LIVE for stuff like this where its so nonchalant at the beginning like "are you alright? 🥺" and i was just waiting for her to recognize his voice ACK and then the "pretty girl" GOT ME LIKE IF THIS HAPPENED TO ME AND IT WAS SOMEONE SO FUCKING ATTRACTIVE ID FAINT

here's my actual reaction to that last line (the middle is cut off because i had my hand over my mouth going "oh my god oh my god") (and dw im okay that squeak was a laugh)

ADA I LOVE U.

mannn what if i cry. then what. genuinely that is such an honor :'))) no bc same, like u would never guess what i do on this hellsite j from what i look like LMAO

SCREECHES i loveee adding little details to my scenes (it's also why my fics are becoming obscenely long,, sorry everyone, idk what happened to the 7-8k projection,,,,), idk why but writing that had my heaving trying to hold myself together...yeah

pseudo-fingering LOL i truly still don't know how else to describe it...my guy was mind fucking her fr,,, can't believe i actually broke ur immunity for a hot second that's so funny to me

HGKDJL i was projecting heavily in this one i'm ngl 🤣🤣 like exhibitionism is kinda,,, yeah. Yeah. i also dream abt being called pretty girl one day 🤣 manifesting it rn actually

HAHAHA no bc same, i wouldn't be able to keep it together i'd writhing and crying and disintegrating LMFAO,, mc was so strong ngl i wish i could be like her.........but alas, i am Weak

UR REACTION I'M FUCKING DYINGGG,, but that was what i was going for so i'm glad it worked 😁 THANK U FOR READING!!! AND SENDING ME AMAZING FEEDBACK ILY ADA PLS TAKE CARE OF URSELF <3333333

#ada ⭐ #moots! #banggyu0308 asks #asks #🪐 — feedback #agust.nsfw

[keii]

Okay so overdue photo dump/long post of when I was in Vegas earlier this year to hang out with Sushi and Poo!

I stayed there for two weeks! The first week it was mostly me and hun checking out the area bc we’re actually planning to move there sometime next year! I had to make sure the restaurant was good, see how the food markets were like, how comfortable the movie theater seats were like, what the traffic was like. We watched the show, Ka, I think-- that shit was SOOO GOOD. Uh what else, hun and I went to the casino and put in $20′s and came out with 1cent. It was really chill and we ate good food. The second week, I spent at Sushi’s place and had such a fun time spending it w Sushi and Poo. It was so chill, we watched Euphoria, talked about our OCs, went to the mall, Omega Mart, the Strip, ate good food, drank Soju and got drunk, got Dutch Bros like... almost every day LOL

The first night I was there at Sushi’s place, she gave me an edible and it was the first time I felt it-- It took like an hour for it to finally kick in, and when it kicked in, it felt SO WEIRD. I felt like I wasn’t making ANY SENSE, and it was as if I was talking so slow, but Sushi was talking a mile a minute LMFAO. When she left to go to sleep, I was staring at this one Nier print on her wall and it began taking the form of one of Van Gogh’s portrait, and his face was just glaring at me while I was laying down... I just closed my eyes at that point. When Poo finally came to Vegas, that was when I presented a powerpoint to the both of them, determining which of my OCs would end up with Sushi’s OC, Goro... and so that’s when the insanity of JoRo began LOL. NOT ONLY THAT BUT THE WEEK BEFORE I WENT TO SUSHI’S HOUSE, I WAS WORKING ON A LONG ASS FIC FOR SUSHI AND POO TO READ-- It ended up being over 100 pages?? BYE!! SO LONG!!

We went to the mall and all of us ended up buying some clothes and we ate some good ass strawberry cheesecake bingsoo. Then another day we went to the trip and walked there for like five hours and we got drinks at the Taco Bell and ate white castle-- which I have never had before! Then the days I did enjoy the most was just chilling at Sushi’s place to rest and all we did was watch a bunch of stuff, talked, drank, cried together, and Poo made their homemade beet peasant soup which was actually... really good LMAOOO, then the next day Poo had a mega hangover so we stayed home again LOOOL, then last full day we went to Omega Mart! It was so trippy, but super fun, especially when you’re walking around drunk. Also ate this good ass Korean pizza... had corn on it and I think sweet potato... I crave to taste it again. 

Anyway I remember watching a bunch of movies, but I specifically remember watching American Psycho for the first time, BUT I KEPT FALLING ASLEEP-- I would wake up in intervals and watch a bit, and see the shit that Patrick Bateman or whatever-- was up to in the movie and say “This guy’s so lame.” AND DOZE OFF AGAIN LMFAO. Also remember where Poo and I were talking and it was LATE AF, just chilling in Sushi’s personal room... and Poo was like “I gotta fart,” and barely anything came out and I was like “I gotta fart too.” And just let a big one rip... twice LMFAOO. Seeing Sushi’s collection in person was SOO crazy... literally eye candy wherever you look in her room, so nice to see in person. Like a mini library and gallery in there! Also MET PEPPER AND OLIVE!!! WHAT BABIES!! Pepper is so funny too... her scragly ass meowing was so cute. She was tinier than I thought too. 

But it was so fun, I had a great ass time in Vegas so I very much look forward to moving there in the near future to hang out w Sushi and just be closer to friends in general. I’m so thankful that she was kind enough to let Poo and I stay at her place and drove us everywhere and made sure we were fed and had so much stuff to do! 

#i remember laughing and talking a lot #so much talking i had to tell poo to shut up (lovingly) bc i was DYING LFASDFLJASDF #we also got complimented a lot whenever we went out so that was really nice LOL #x

[ariondevereux]

Not the other person but I would love to hear more about one of ur other Ocs. They all sound so great! Any is fine, i would love to hear some hcs u have of them if you're comfortable sharing ofc, no pressure! ❤️❤️

pls i got excited when i saw this ask skdjsks thank you!! i know you asked for some headcanons but this ended up getting so long and rambly 😭 under the cut for hcs i’ve always wanted to get out of my system <3

maya quimby from golden + her otp and brotps <3

maya grew up feeling neglected. like she’s aware her parents are important people with important jobs but for once she just wanted to be someone’s priority. she doesn’t remember the last time they put her first

i remember labelling maya as my snobby oc because of her lifestyle but over time i fleshed her out and realized she’s really not. she just grew up rich and a bit out of touch with the real world but deep down, she’s very sensitive and despite her lavishly displaying her money, she never does it to make anyone feel like she’s above them. she’s just trying to fill the void that her dad left in her life

i chose phoenix as her ro because out of the four, p always came off to me as the one who’s as rational as they are emotionally intelligent. and maya easily lets her emotions get the best of her; when she gets overwhelmed, she shuts the world out. she needs someone like phoenix who *i think* can understand what she feels but also talk some sense into her and keep her lucid before she mentally shuts down completely

also phoenix and maya are my pairing that i literally did not expect to be one of my angstier otps until mila dropped the pinterest boards and i looked at p’s and saw some pins about how they’re always choosing but never chosen and those are the same pins in maya’s board and i just went “well…. 🥲”

random maya fact to break the angst — she studies law and loves fashion design. she’s like lehsa’s elle woods hehe look up sabrina carpenter’s “sue me” mv and that’s maya <3

OKOK LESS ANGSTY HCS!!!! it actually didn’t take long for maya to develop a crush on phoenix and i don’t blame her because he’s so kind and so pretty with the sexiest brain but maya is soooooo in denial. she’s like “hmm nope. he’s just a nice guy i bet he’s nice to everyone” — in an au where my all golden ocs exist together, kaidan and maya would bond over that because friends who are in denial together stay together <333

at the same time, kaidan and maya would push each other like “dude i’m TELLING you lira’s into you! stop being so fucking blind” “fuck you take your own advice” pls i literally LOVE these two so much i would lay down my life for them (lira is my k-mancer btw)

despite kaidan not being openly affectionate, he deeply cares for maya. he’s actually the first in the team to see right through her “rich girl” front and can sense that she’s really lonely. i think that’s why their friendship works so well. kaidan doesn’t care about her money and that’s exactly what maya wants. someone who genuinely enjoys being around her regardless of her wealth and status

these pictures are the closest visual representation of kaidan and maya’s friendship

maya also becomes close to blaze because they’re both into fashion. he’s the first member in the team she took to her fashion studio. sometimes she would show him all the best places to shop. on one of blaze’s birthdays, she designs a jacket for him 🥺

in an au where maya and my b-mancer, kirsten, coexist, maya would be the biggest blaze x kirsten shipper shdusksk fast forward to the relationship stage, phoenix x maya and blaze x kirsten go on double dates <3 — side note: phoenix is kirsten’s closest friend in the group

kaidan, blaze and maya are my chaotic three. but sometimes it’s against blaze’s will when kaidan and maya kidnap him for a night out skdjsks this trio makes phoenix get all fuzzy like “aw my girl gets along with my friends 🥹” while asher’s patience is wearing thin LMFAO

ok back to phoenix and maya — so yk how i said she’s in denial right? it’s not that she doesn’t trust him. she wants to because she really thinks he’s a good guy. she just has trust issues in general. the longer phoenix goes trying to get to know her, maya’s urge to flee just gets stronger because she’s so scared of the good thing they have going on and how good it makes her feel but at the back of her mind she knows it’s only a matter of time before it all crashes and burns

this is a tentative hc and it might change depending on how the revelation goes in the game about a and k wanting to kill mc but out of all my golden girls, maya will take it the hardest. she’s already got enough baggage to begin with then you add her finding out about her vampire bestie wanting to kill her just because. and the guy she trusts and is completely in love with kept it from her. and phoenix would probably be so desperate to console her and ask her to hear him out but maya would be so blinded by rage and betrayal at this point that even though she knows phoenix was against asher and kaidan’s choice, it would fly over her head and she’d start asking “why? what did i ever do to you?” and she’d start saying things she doesn’t mean because she’s hurt. so yeah. that shit would send her on a spiral she wouldn’t be able to keep a clear head. we need a therapist in lehsa asap

sigh. ANYWAYS enough angst — eventually, phoenix shows maya some of his earliest and messiest sketchbooks. maya points at one of his anatomy drawings and jokes “this guy would look so good in a [insert piece of clothing]” and if phoenix will let her, she’ll definitely take one of his sketchbooks just to own something that’s his

relationship stage: she definitely steals his sweaters and wears them like an oversized shirt dress. one time blaze jokes about phoenix and maya starting to look like each other and kaidan says “well you are what you eat”

i have this scenario in my head where maya tries to compliment phoenix and tells him he has beautiful eyes and phoenix just ruins the moment like “you’re flattering yourself. we have the same blue eyes” and it annoys her because she was being sincere but he’s not wrong 😭

maya’s not the best at love because she grew up thinking love hurts until phoenix turned out being her safe place. she’s still learning to not be afraid to be vulnerable but she tries her best to show him that the person he chooses this time also chooses him <3

#the way i held these in for like a year. i feel free #nikka answers #oc: maya quimby #phoenix x maya #brotp: kaidan x maya #brotp: blaze x maya

[nerd-at-sea5]

isn’t this all enough? pt2 (find pt1 here)

the gang’s all together, nancy and dustin are still friends, and robin wants to go back home. they know what they’ll see, but they don’t want to believe it. steve tells nancy a little bit about robin. there's comfort and it ends on a somewhat happy note.

they/them robin and max, he/they/it eddie, canon everyone else

cw-blood, guns, death, suicide, bad coping skills, sh, smoking

nancy’s pov this time (she refers to the zombies as ‘infected’ dont as me why i thought it would be a nancy thing to do also i’m not the best at writing trauma from nancy’s pov but i tried??) i used google translate for the italian, french and spanish. (i’m still learning spanish lmfao)

the edge that she’s been standing on seems to elongate slightly when she finally steps into steve’s house.

nancy thinks, at first-it’s because she doesn't have to worry about her infected parents below their feet. not even her parents anymore, she’s guessed that the disease infects the brain, killing and slowly driving it’s victim mad. the colorless and pealing skin, red eyes, loss of hair-all side affects of it. for what feels like the hundredth time since she’s stepped out of her childhood home for possibly the last time, nancy sinks her teeth into the soft flesh of her cheek, without a change in face at the pain.

holly’s curled up in her lap, her breathe is warm on nancy’s legs, the sleeve of her princess shirt was pushed up and nancy can see the new scar slicing from shoulder to just above the blonde’s elbow.

she remembers the scream of pain, the running into the kitchen, only to see her mother, pale and sickly looking, holly’s arm bleeding with a blood soaked knife on the floor, dropped from karen’s hand. she remembers grabbing her sister and shoving a wooden spoon into her mother’s face, the shouting question of ‘are you sick?’ echoing through the room before her mother nods. she remembers it getting worse and worse, her dad swiping at her, drawing blood and nancy realizing she has to do something. nancy remembers the week spent in her bedroom with holly, praying to make sure that neither of them were sick-desperately trying not to listen to the screams from the basement. god seemed to have answered her calls,  but nancy doesn't know if she really believes that god exists anymore.

robin slides onto the couch cushion next to her, and nancy lets her head fall onto robin’s chest without a second thought, the taller instantly wrapping their arms around her, nancy can feel their lips pressing onto the top of her head, then leaning over to do the same to holly.

“stealing my sister, buckley?” 

“she’s a cute kid.” 

robin’s lopsided smile and shoulders shrugging up with it makes nancy unable to bite back her grin. 

when steve comes back into the living room, nancy’s half asleep on robin and barley registers what he’s saying until he bends down to pick up a sleeping holly, she jerks awake and pulls her sister back.

“hey, hey-just was letting you know we’ve got a room for you and robin. holly can stay with max-they’ve already offered. you cool with that, nance?”

“oh. um, yeah-thank you. max, thanks.”

the redhead shrugs, but nancy doesn't miss the smile when holly sleepily wraps her arms around max’s neck when the teen picks her up. the memory of max on her roof one night, passing a cigarette back and forth with robin while nancy chastises them, ‘i wish i had a little sister.’ ‘want to share mine? i think she loves you more than me at this point! robin, babe-put it out.’

she feels hope tugging at her chest again, robin leading her upstairs with a grin, if nancy lets her vision slip enough, then she’s walking up her own stairs, and falling onto her own bed, robin’s sliding an arm around her pink pillow’s and tugging it under their head.

but it’s not, and it’s the silent tears while the taller of the two holds them tightly under the covers, chest to chest, legs pressed together-shaking. soft whispers fading into the night, and slowly, slowly falling into sleep.

the morning is a blur, holly waking them up by jumping on nancy at seven am, a sleepy max still in steve’s oversized ‘queen’ shirt with messy hair apologizing, robin teasing max for not being a morning person while max flips them off, all three knowing robin’s the same way. nancy making her way downstairs, greeted by eddie standing on the counter with a roll of paper towels, the yell of ‘spider!’ and horrible aim while steve stomps on it and chastises his boyfriend for being afraid of something so small, but nancy can see the love.

it used to make her heart hurt, seeing how steve looked at girls with the way he used to look at her-seeing how he looked at robin for a period of time, back in creel house-but then she’s in her car behind the movie theater, kissing robin for the first time and it’s like a puzzle when all the pieces are falling into place.

dusin jolts her out of her mind when he asks for the plan, and steve cracks a glass when robin calmly states, “i wanna go check out my house.”

eddie, max and dustin all look normal at this comment, holly to busy eating her pancake (and nancy’s) to realize what’s going on, but steve is staring at his friend like they just slapped him across the face.

curiosity bubbles up, and nancy has to ask, “that sounds normal enough, what’s wrong steve?”

he glances at robin once more, “well. they...their dead, rob. and it was kinda...erm. brutal, don’t you think?”

the brunette shrugs stiffly, and nancy slides a hand into theirs, watching the muscles in robin’s arm relax, “steve. please. i didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“i think robin should be able to, what’s the worst that can happen. i can go with them.”

“no, nancy-”

before robin can finish their sentence, steve’s dragging nancy into the hall and she’s glaring at him with the now familiar heat of anger boiling up in her chest, “what the hell?”

“nancy. robin’s parents-” he looks around franticly, “they shot themself, nancy. made them climb outta a window and bike here. they heard the shots. haven't been back since. i don’t think they’ve even fully processed it-we don’t, fuck.”

nancy’s anger fades, watching steve push his hands through his hair, seeming debating telling her the next bit of information or not, “what do you mean, ‘fully processed’? have they started or...?”

the question hangs heavy in the air, the journalist in nancy roaring up for a response, “i didn’t let them finish, they’ve....tried. theirs a reason robin’s the only one who’s not allowed to have a weapon in the same room as them when they sleep.”

nancy can’t stop herself from sliding down the wall in shock-steve says it with the knowledge that robin’s attempted to process their parents death by following more than once, and for the first time she wonders if the cut on steve’s upper arm was from an infected or a friend.

her brain doesn't stop tripping over itself, questions and idea’s popping up every single millisecond until she’s starting her car with robin in the passenger’s seat and robin asks how much steve told her.

“what? sorry i kind of-”

“your good. how much did steve tell you? i know he did a bit.”

maybe it has something to due with how holly screamed when she saw nancy leaving and it took dustin and nancy almost 10 minutes to calm her down, or how robin won’t make eye contact with her, but nancy grabs their hand before speaking, “he said that your parents killed themselves. they made you bike here, that you didn’t get to say goodbye and...and..” 

it’s like nancy’s throat is closing up, the words can’t get out and it’s making her feel trapped, unsafe-“that i was going to try and kill myself?”

robin’s voice is deathly quiet, and nancy feels their hand tense in hers, “yes.”

they nod, and nancy sucks in her breathe, holding it for a moment, eyes glued to the road, “why?”

“my family was gone-i had steve and max but...parents, grandparents-you. all gone. i didn’t have anything to hope for, i’ve never been good without my mom. i can’t...i can’t function without talking to her, it hurt so fucking much nance. steve..he found me sitting in the bathroom with a knife on the floor in front of me and then a week later max saw me with eddie’s uncle’s gun in my hands. both ended with crying conversations with steve, and now he’s been to worried to let me sleep alone. so i’m in the living room with dustin and no weapons for me, unless it’s a mission.”

nancy wants to lunge across the car to wrap robin in a hug, to reassure them that there is hope, that it’s going to work out.

but she can’t, so she decides to settle for gripping their hand a bit tighter, pulling them close for a moment when they step out of the car, before watching robin pull themself onto their roof, and into their bedroom, “just like yours.”

nancy has to laugh as she falls in, “why did you want to come back?”

robin sighs, slowly walking around their room, pulling down a poster, selecting a book, dropping a tape into their bag, “i wanted to...i dunno. get closer on it? say goodbye, i think.”

nancy nods, and robin sits next to her, with a voice as low as a whisper, “i never got to tell them about you. i’m so sorry.”

and nancy’s pulling them into a hug, her back against the door just like it was when she sat with her back against the basement, the day when the screams turned to desperate begging, when she finally said it, “i’m in love with robin buckley.” and the begging went back to low howls. she spent the day crying, holly confused and just as sad.

“i wish i could change time. i’d do anything to fix all this.”

but they both know she can’t, no matter how many times they dry each others tears, or kiss wounds.

robin has to slam a shoulder into their parents bedroom to open it, and nancy can’t help but recoil at the smell of decaying human.

she can’t look down, studying robin’s face as they break, the way their eyebrows fall with their mouth, the way tears form after their nose gets red, the way the tears trace between robin’s freckles. gripping the doorframe while words in other languages spiral out of their mouth, “perché non mi hai lasciato andare? j'ai l'impression d'être si seul..”

nancy can’t help but wrap her arms around robin’s waist, they fall, and she doesn't have enough strength to keep them up, she falls with them, and they stay there, she refuses to let go of robin and robin can’t move.

it’s almost an hour before their shaking subsides, nancy’s become numb to the smell at this point, watches robin pull a jacket from their father’s closet and hug it around themself, “te veré d”e nuevo, lo prometo.

the car ride back is silent, nancy doesn't let her hand leave robin’s until their inside the harrington’s and she’s pulling robin back into her arms, not caring if she’s four inches shorter, she feels a body hit her legs, holly’s small arms wrapping around both nancy and robin’s.

steve’s chest is pressed to robin’s back, arms on nancy’s shoulders, max and dustin are on either side of them all and eddie’s hand is on their hands.

they don’t talk until their sitting on top of the bathroom counter with nancy standing in front of them, looking up at robin.

“how did you live with them below you?”

she looks down, “i couldn’t kill them. not with holly there, i thought...i thought i was protecting her, it was just more danger.”

robin nods, and surges forward, nancy’s expecting them to hug her, but doesn't pull away when she’s pulled into a bruising kiss.

“i-i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”

“robin. look at me.”

they do, eyes wet and glassy, nancy let’s her hand drop from robin’s shoulders to their arms, small white scars splattered across them.

“what do you need to do to stay safe?”

‘what do you need me to do to keep you safe?’

it might be the same question, and deep down nancy know it’s not how you should deal with emotions, but her girlfriends voice is shaking so badly-a painful mix of sadness, anger and desperation, that when they ask, “kiss me?” nancy obliges, pressing her lips to robin’s and pulling them down from the counter.

they fall back onto the bed, and nancy pulls away, gently kissing robin’s cheeks, their forehead, every part of their face before gently bringing their foreheads together, “we’ve made it this far, and i’m not giving up on you yet, ok robs?”

robin’s answer is smothered in a hug, pulling nancy on top of them and wrapping their arms around her back, “ok.”

#ronance #robin x nancy #nancy x robin #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #max mayfield #dustin henderson #eddie munson #holly wheeler #steddie #steve x eddie #eddie x steve #stranger things #gay in space writes #aven writes

[ruvviks]

19 for x[REDACTED] and 40 for in life and death! 👀🏃

THANK YOU >:)) the way i just ran to my pairings page to quickly edit something because i don't want to accidentally spoil stuff LMFAOOO

for housekeeping reasons: both these pairings are romantic!

19) what do they fight about? what are their arguments like? how do they make up?

surprisingly enough, they don't actually fight about stuff! because of things of their past, they're both very careful and considerate around one another and don't let tiny disagreements blow up. it's mostly just a bit of teasing and friendly bickering, but they're both well aware of the limits and lines they shouldn't cross

if they do end up having an argument, they would both need some time alone to think about what happened. both of them are pretty stubborn and would need some time to reflect before they can admit they were in the wrong, but at the same time they're both full grown adults so like. they can talk about it LMFAO they're both old enough to know that leaving things unsaid or stuff like that isn't gonna work out so as soon as they're both calm again they just talk it out <3 and then they kiss <3

40) any special memories? do they have a special place they like to go to?

their special place would be the library at the academy! sascha spends a lot of his time there and artyom joins him very often, most of the time not even to read but just to keep him company :) because they've both been very focused on their education and also don't live in the city they grew up in anymore, most of their special places and memories would be on academy grounds; and since they don't really go anywhere it's also mainly just limited to the library and their living quarters LMFAO

now that they're out there traveling with a party, they make a LOT of new memories and visit a TON of new places :D i haven't worked out all the details yet, but along the way there's definitely some towns they grow very attached to and will definitely return to in the future <3

one memory that lives in both their heads rent free still (tho idk if it's really a Good memory but. it's a memory. and it's there) is that of when sascha had learned his parents wanted him to marry a girl he'd been in a relationship with, back in secondary school (he would've been around the age of 18 at the time, i can't remember all the details and am too lazy to check LMFAO); his ex was very manipulative and just a horrible person in general (won't go into details but. just trust me) and sascha panicked and ran away from home for the night, and he found his way to artyom instead. he stayed with him and cried while artyom held him, and sascha asked artyom if he wanted to marry him instead; that way, he wouldn't have to get married to his ex and the two of them could just be happy together aha ;w; <3 artyom of course didn't look too much into any of it because sascha was clearly Distraught but. it stayed in his head. and especially now that they're Actually Together it's. it's there alright!!! auaugh

pairing asks!

#asks #mutuals #awful-roffle #ask:[redacted] #ask:in life and death #pairing asks #GOING INSANE ABOUT ALL OF THEM. MY BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE #literally cannot elaborate more for [redacted] i cannot do it i'll spoil everything. i'm sorry

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #044

“love becomes a symptom of the cure”

What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? I have no desire to speak to her ever again. Do you have any phobias? I have quite a lot, honestly. What’s the song that reminds you of your special someone? "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" by The Ink Spots. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? Nope. Who do you want to marry? Girt, one day. Name your last ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. Sara. Are you ready for kids now? HELL no, the last thing I need to be right now is a parent. When was the last time you prayed? It's been years since I've prayed and will never do it again. Have you ever witnessed an extreme act of animal cruelty? Not that I remember, thank god. Have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare? COUNTLESS times. That's how I wake myself out of my nightmares a lot. Do you have any siblings in college right now? No. Do you believe that the world will actually end? "The world" as in life on Planet Earth, yes. That's inevitable in the infinite stretch of time. Who is your favorite actor/actress? I don't really have one. Have you ever lied about your name? No. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? Yes, as a teenager. Have you ever made out in a car? It's possible, but I don't think I have. Do your parents know if you’re having sex? Well, my mom is aware we're not exactly waiting on anything and that if circumstances were right, we would. I haven't really decided if I'll tell my mom when we do start to considering it's our business, but at the same time I know she'd WANT to know just because she's my mom and she's already told me she stresses the fuck out if we're simply behind closed doors. I feel like keeping her in the dark would just stress her out more, so... idk. We'll see. As for my dad, I would NOT share this sort of info with him. I don't live with him and barely even see/talk to him, so it seems like a very strange thing to share. Have you ever lied about your sexual past? No. I DID used to say I wasn't a virgin, but that's because I truly believed I wasn't for a long time. It's complicated and I don't feel like trying to explain why. What do you order at Chick-fil-a? I order nothing there because I refuse to put money in the pockets of a horribly homophobic and transphobic CEO. Their sandwiches are delicious, but still not worth it. What is your favorite font at the moment? OF those all computers have, I like Garamond. Favorite drink at Starbucks? I don't go there. How many real bf/gf have you had? Three. Do you like '80s music? I do, especially classic rock and metal! Do you like homework? Of course I don't. I never even morally agreed with it being given to do. Something you would buy a friend as a gift? Well, he's way more than a friend, but hopefully this year for his birthday I would really like to get a little figure or statue custom-made of Girt's Final Fantasy XIV character. FFXIV is like Girt's WoW in my world, but he's put even more effort into it than me with WoW, and holy shit I know he would LOVE it. Do you like Star Wars? No. Girt and I once watched the first three together and totally didn't get the hype. Have you read the entire Bible before? No. Have you had sex with more than 5 people this month? HUNNY I haven't had sex with even one, slow down lmfao. What’s your mother’s favorite color? Hm... good question. I WANT to say some shade of purple. If you could have any pet right now, what would it be? Female Grammastola pulchra/Brazilian black tarantula. Would you spend a whole night with the last person you kissed? Those are my absolute favorite nights. Do you hate the last person you kissed? I absolutely fucking love him. Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? ... I don't exactly keep track of my friends' sex lives or BC methods they use. Do you know anybody who was abused? Yes. Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love? I DARE a motherfucker to say I wasn't in love with Jason just because I was a teenager. Teens can absolutely fall and remain in love. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Well duh. What are you currently listening to? "Cyberhex" by Motionless In White. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? No. Where do you think your best friend is right now? At home. We were gonna hang out today, but he's not feeling too hot so is resting. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? Ha, not with this body. What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? Well, he says that he loves me and I fully believe him, and she also hurt him pretty badly by cheating. Has anyone you’ve slept with ever given you an STD? No. Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? GIRT. Does your last ex have a job? She might, idk. What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? Be happy for her. If there was a large spider in the room, what would you say? I dunno, depends where it's at and if it's moving, I guess. I'd like to think I would say hi to it and get a cup or something to take it outside, although I do still have some clinging arachnophobia so would be nervous if it was a big one. Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? Yep. Your last ex says they never even liked you, you say? ......... I'd honestly rather not share because my immediate prepared response was mean lmao. When was the last time you saw your father? A couple days ago at my nephew's bday party. It was good to see him. Do you want to see somebody right now? I do want to see Girt really badly. Have you ever been given a rose? Yes. How long were you with your last boyfriend? Like two weeks. That relationship was a waste of time. What do you like most about the song you are listening to/last listened to? The lyrics are fantastic. What would you do if you saw a guy hit a girl? My instinctive response is to yell at and confront the guy, fuck how afraid I am of men. Try hitting me too and I'm breaking his wrist. Have you ever gambled? No, never will. Would you ever go a week without showering? ... I've done that. It's fucking disgusting but that's what depression + showering being excruciating and a falling hazard did to me. Thank god I finally have a fucking shower chair so it's way less of an ordeal. Would you ever date someone with a different skin color than you? Yep, no hesitation. Do you want your last ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? I sure do. Although, this question makes it sound like I want to be with her, which I don't. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? One. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yes. Who was the last person you danced with? Sara. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I'll probably always enjoy "Love Story." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yup. Amazing feeling. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. If you were kicked out of your current residence, whom would you call? Girt or Dad, idk. Are there framed pictures from your parents' wedding in your house? Uh no, they're divorced and should be. I actually don't remember if they HAD a wedding; they might have just done the paperwork, idk. Is there someone you want back in your life right this moment? I'll probably always wish Megan was back in my life. Name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo? My sister. What’s on your wrists right now? A tattoo, actually. Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? I'd break my uncle's jaw if you stood him in front of me. What do the majority of people in your life call you? Britt. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? I'd rather sleep with Girt. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Yes. Favorite song? I have an unearthly adoration for "Zick Zack" by Rammstein lmao. Do you want a church wedding? I fucking refuse to get married in a church or even with Bible-based vows. Religion will have NO ties to my goddamn wedding, like I absolutely refuse. Have you ever been famous? Nah. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No, but tbh I would if I was more confident with my body to live out my forest-dwelling fae woman fantasy. :') Have you ever been in a position of authority? Uh, only in online spaces, but nothing truly impressive. Been/am the admin of two RP forums, I'm also the primary admin at the Silent Hill wiki these days, I've been a guild leader in WoW before, and uhhh... that's it I think. Can you roll your "R"s? NO and it's annoying because it's a big part of sounding convincingly German, haha. I THINK I used to be able to do it when I studied it in school, but not anymore. How fast can you run? I am 95% sure I CAN'T run because of how weak my legs are. I can barely walk; my knees would almost certainly give out the moment downward weight hits them. Do you ignore people when you’re mad/upset with them? I admittedly do do that sometimes, primarily if I feel like being silent is the wiser option over saying what's on my mind. Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before? Yes. Reading this question really made me remember when we had to put our dog Dale down... Jason came with us and once we left the building, f just broke down into him. Dale being euthanized was one of my earliest and definitely first thorough encounter with death of someone I loved. I will never, ever fucking forget his legs giving out and Ashley absolutely shattering, just screaming how she wanted him back. Fuck that day. Has more than one person ever told you they’re in love with you? Yes. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever stayed up with you all night? Ha, we almost stayed up all night one night. Could you use some sleep right now? Ugh, yes, at least it feels like it. I've been sleeping a lot and am just always tired these days... Damn, I miss being manic lmfao.

#lyrics: ''cyberhex'' by motionless in white #survey #surveys #random surveys #random questions

[curejiraiya]

I feel very bad and in an effort to try and get my brain to disassociate from this mortal realm I am going to tell you all about one of my OCs. if you read this thank you but if it bores you do not worry I do not mind.

okay so today I'm gonna ramble about a guy named Chris Sanders. Chris is 27? iirc I have it written down somewhere. 27 or 28. He's married to his husband Nick, they took Nick's last name (low-key I forgot what his maiden name was lmfao)

They got married on Valentine's Day 2020, but we're engaged like 2018 just some stuff:tm: happened and the wedding had to be held off. It was a funny thing like I had that wedding planned for Valentine's Day and in real life shit was getting co viddy and I made a conscious decision in story to have it be like the last "big" event the characters got to go to before they started staying inside for safety. that's not relevant, anyway.

Chris and Nick actually got together when they were like 14 and 16? Chris met Nick a year before and was very like fairytale love at first site about him. Really he was a 15 year old boy he wasn't thinking logistics other than "boy in my friend group cute."

There's a whole thing with Chris, Josh, and Jay as teens has a weird relationship where Chris was openly gay, Josh hated him for it (Josh is gay/bi? but it takes him 10 years real time to figure it out) Josh and Jay were best friends and Jay was gay but very very in the closet. and the only person who knew Jay was gay was Chris, who were secret friends because Josh hated Chris. Publicaly Chris pretended to hate josh to keep up appearances but in reality Jay had only said good things about Josh so he didn't really mind him. He was just kinda a hormonal teenager, and he liked fighting and Josh kept fighting him lmao.

God there's a lot more here lol like they're friends because the three of them plus a handful of other people, some who literally have died in story since, were in a "school club" together? I'm also keeping the details vague because I wrote them when I was 13 and it's cringe.

You can tell what age I was when I wrote something if you know the ages of any character, cuz me and Nick Sanders are the same age. Derrin is one year older than Nick. Chris is two. Josh, Jay, and Liam are both three, and Collin is five years older. Jay is also actually older than Collin but maybe I'll write about his tragic backstory another night.

But speaking of tragic backstories Chris was born to a single mother, he has a younger brother. neither of them knew their father but they don't care. his mother was decent for a single mother in poverty until he started showing signs of being gay as early as 10. she was super religious so she asked her church what to do and they only suggested various child abuse lmao needless to say Chris was removed by CPS at 13. that's why he knows the rest of the guys cuz they were all in the same "orphanage". his mom wasn't weird to his brother, but his brother has a moral compass and left the house at 18 because he couldn't stand what she did to his brother (he's only like 20 now very baby.)

holy shit remember what I said last night about how everyone is in a duo or a trio? Chris's brother is ALSO in a duo lol I literally do not have a character who exists as a single personality without a friend to be their foil. anyway Chris's brother and Chris are decently close, Chris's brother is trying to make it as a music manager and conveniently Chris is in a band lmao. His brother lives with a friend Josh made during a hospital stay. that's a whole story but essentially he was a cancer patient throughout all his teenage years and it was his first time being 100% free of visiting the hospital at least once a week since he was a child. the band was looking for a place for him to stay because he was scared of living alone and conveniently Chris had an 18 year old brother who needed a roommate. now they're bff's or something.

hey this was supposed to be about Chris but two characters who I don't even remember the names of have taken over

anyway uhhh god I could spout Chris facts for days not even joking. one of the characters who died is essentially a self insert for specifically 13 year old me. like she died before I really became an adult lol. but Chris was her best friend until her death, so for awhile Chris was the character I focused on the most. nowadays that's Josh but I mean Chris and Josh live in the same house so it's not like he doesn't come up often.

right this second Chris and Nick are staying with a musician friend in New York. they're actually fighting because

well

how do I explain this that doesn't go on for a long time

so remember earlier when I said they were part of a school club as teens. well the world actually has a magic system because all good worlds have magic systems. and specifically Josh, the dead girl, Chris, & Jay are some of the best at magic in the entire galaxy and like . cringe at myself but the gang like we're all orphans in some way but they lived in 1 of 4 us based orphanages specifically for magician children. I never use the term wizard they're strictly magicians. magicians also live outside the US it's just other countries don't have weird orphanages. or didn't at the start of the story at least. anyway fuck so idk skipping 10+ years of lore. Chris has a lot of inherit magic skill, but he doesn't practice he stopped right after highschool to focus on their band and music. in highschool every one in the club like saw a private magic tutor but Chris didn't really continue. not that he doesn't do magic all the time like he does, he just doesn't study to learn how to do his magic more efficiently or learn more magic. fuck. anyway Jay DOES still study and stayed with his tutor like 10 years later. and you can tell because Jay has become one of the strongest magicians in the world. of course Josh is the strongest magician ever because of plot conveniences that could be talked about if I was talking about him. but Chris is mega jealous of Jay and angry at himself for not continuing his studies. So one day a random magic being (we have those here) contacts Chris from like a very far away dimension (even this is lore filled and complicated.) he promises to help Chris surpass Jay but he has to wear his super special necklace. the necklace is like logging information on Josh so this being can attack him later but I mean Chris doesn't know that this is like a RIGHT NOW plot. a lot led up to this lmfao. so Nick and Chris are fighting because Chris is suddenly WAY better at magic (Because of the necklace) and because of a lot of unrelated stuff Nick is thinking about moving to California. and he tells Chris and Chris unknowingly mind controls Nick into being happy with where he is now. Because like his magic has gotten so strong that if he wants something he can just mind control people into giving it to him (and unknowingly has been for a few months) but Nick's only magic power is that he can tell when magic is being used (and he only has that power because of another crazy plot where he died lmfao) so he notices pretty quickly that hes being mind controlled and hes pissed. so Chris confesses about the necklace but tells Nick to keep it a secret. Nick tells him he's being stupid and that he needs to get rid of the necklace. Chris doesn't think it's the necklace he thinks he just can't control his new power yet. and after one big fight they're now like both just avoiding talking about it again and being really distant from each other. it's sad rlly I don't like seeing the besties fight 😔 I kinda know how the plot is going to play out but I'll give them time.

idk did you actually learn anything about Chris from this? he's 5'4 he has black hair and it's currently really long so he keeps it in a bun most of the time. he's a death metal singer. hes super masculine and no one questions his height because he comes off as so masculine otherwise lmao. he's really into like 80s and older metal and idolizes rob hellford. he wears pleather a lot cuz he has a leather allergy but thinks leather jacks kick ass. he's definitely like kinda a stereotypical metal head / punk? very like a day to remembers "fast forward to 2012"-core. that's his theme song I just decided.

what else are u supposed to say about a character. since I mentioned magic I can say that his like magic skill set is about defence so he can make giant shields and force fields. he's super important if they ever have to like fight someone which doesnt happen often but does happen.

oh he plays guitar but also like every instrument. I always imagined their band to have a two singer setup where him and Nick switch off or sing together. but I mean most of the band has been doing this 10+ years and can play whatever role so they just do whatever is fun for that night.

uhhhhh idk if I got any more facts on the top of my head. Chris uhhhh played trumpet in highschool band. He speaks fluent Japanese, Spanish, German, and French. Derrin is the only member of the band with a degree but Chris has an honorary degree from some university he donates money too. Chris is like very punk politically active he actually goes to protests and is always talking about causes important to him. he's a good guy but his flaws mostly lie in his jealousy, and he definitely has a little big of an ego lol. he cares too much about looks too imo like he doesn't THINK he does but he does.

but idk big baby man who's hard on outside but heart of gold on inside. do I know how to write any other kind of character?!

omg I didn't even talk about how Chris is disabled. or how he has a vaping problem. that's the problem with having these characters for so long, how the fuck can I reasonably sum them up?

idk but it did work. 😴 good night if u read this far idk why u did but ty there's no payoff. sorry I did not proofread this.

#ramblings

[missmeinyourbones]

hello i love ur works so much omg anyways i was wondering if we could get some general armin hcs bc i just love him so much holy shit have a good day/night and remember to take care of urself !!! :D

thank u sweet sweet anon! im trying my best to take care of myself & i hope you are too!! :P here are some random armin hcs for you

armin is always freezing (this is so relatable tho). like his hands are always so cold to touch. hes always wearing socks. always bringing a jacket with him (even a slight sweater in the summer, incase you "go inside and theres air conditioning on!!!") he is always wearing layers lol he is just a cold little guy

this could go with him being cold but i also think he has anxiety so he sleeps w a weighted blanket <3 he likes the pressure on top of him, it soothes him and feels like a hug <3 when u guys begin dating he finds himself using it less, as he'd prefer you to lay on him instead or vice versa

i feel like he has a really sensitive stomach LMFAO so i feel like he eats pretty healthy and clean. makes you guys salad a lot but he knows how to make it good!!! like it doesn't just taste like lettuce and veggies, he adds nice stuff to it to give it interesting flavors or themes! is most definitely lactose intolerant so he stays away from dairy and cheese 😩😩 when you guys get coffee he gets his w oat milk

loves harry potter!!! def went through a phase as a kid where we binge-read all of the books and watched the films. OBSESSED. knows all of tiny details like the spells, curses, and quidditch terminology. says he's a ravenclaw but is a big fat SLYTHERIN lol

i've said this before but his favorite flavor of ice cream is mint chocolate chip (BC HE HAS TASTE!) he likes how its fresh and minty but also sweet! its the only food he makes the occasional exception for w his lactose intolerance LMFAO

i feel like his love language (giving, not receiving) is gift giving!!! he absolutely adores randomly giving you little tiny gifts he sees when he's out shopping. he sees your favorite candy when he's checking out at cvs and picks it up for you. he sees a pair of socks with cartoon images of ur favorite animals so he has to get them for you??? he especially likes making you a gift, like if its a little bracelet/necklace he beaded together or a rock he found at the beach and painted. he hands it to you like a 4th grader with their art project like 😁😁

he is such a little gossiper omg. people think he is so cute and sweet and innocent, so they just blindly trust him with information??? he's learned to go along with it and use it to his advantage. he knows everything about everyone LMFAO he comes home and hes like "babe you will never guess what i found out about ____ today" and ur like omg how do you know that?? and he just shrugs and is like "oh, their best friend told me" HUHHHHH?

overall he is so so so cute and small and kind. one of my absolute favorites. armin let me adore you challenge GO!!!!

#aot headcanons #armin headcanons #armin arlert headcanons #armin x reader #armin arlert x reader #armin fluff #armin arlert fluff

[miekasa]

mie….could we please get college au eren headcanons👉🏽👈🏽

Of course. I’m always thinking about his big head anyway <33 might as well put it good use.

One thing he learned in college is how to make his hyperfocus/fixation episodes work for him; that’s why he schedules all his classes as close together as possible. He’d rather have class back to back for 5 hours, than have it spread out with hours in between lectures, because that increases his changes of cutting.

You can always tell when he’s in class and/or what class he’s in by how much he responds to your messages. If he doesn’t text back at all, he’s in a class that hard or one he enjoys, or both. But if he’s sending you iMessage games, then you know he’s in his elective that he couldn’t care else about (and is probably cheating in someway somehow lmfao). 

He usually puts his phone on dnd when he’s in a class that’s important, but you’re in his favorite contacts, so your messages always ring through. What if it’s an emergency and you need him for something? Advanced Roots of Human Biology can wait. 

Some days there are one or two our breaks between his lectures, that’s just how the scheduling works out. When that happens, he usually sneaks into one of your lectures, or goes to your place to take a nap. Your roommates have become accustomed to him, honestly they’ve been considering giving him a key. 

Once, he didn’t realize that your lecture was basically a seminar, with you, the prof and maybe six other students. He still stayed lmao, and the prof was so amazed by his dedication, that she didn’t even mind. Occasionally, you’ll catch the two of them talking after lecture. It’s pretty cute the way she’s adopted him into the class even tho he’s not on the roster. 

You... have to show him where the library is lmfao. He genuinely has not stepped foot in one until you bring him to one. He likes it tho lmao once he gets used to it. 

Speaking of which, do not give him standard directions to find your classes on campus because all you’ll get is, “Babe, I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’ve never heard of the ‘West Quad’ a day in my life. What building are you near.”

He usually comes to see you in the library after all his lectures are done for the day. Sometimes he does homework, sometimes he’s just fucking around on his computer, sometimes he’s just bothering you. When you have to leave to go to class, he stays behind to watch your stuff so you don’t have to pack everything up and come back. 

Very protective when it comes to keeping your seat for you. No, you cannot take that chair to your table you good for nothing freshman; it’s reserved for you. 

He’ll drag you out of the library if you’ve been cooped up all day, tho. Eren will use his height and his strength against you to get you up. Placates you with kisses when he sees your angry expression, and promises to buy you food.

He takes your backpack for you when you’re walking together,m. His backpack is frustratingly light all the time, even during midterms. You swear all he’s got in there is a pencil and some flashcards. 

If you have night classes, he sticks around to walk you home after, especially in the winter when it gets dark faster. If he’s not already on campus, he’ll walk/drive back to meet you; he just doesn’t like you going home alone. Even if your friend/roommate is in the class with you, Eren will walk or drive the both of you home for his own sanity. 

He plays sports, so he usually has practice most evenings, but he’ll find a way to make time. If practice was particularly brutal, he’ll probably crash at your place.

He loves it when you come to meet him after practice. His whole face lights up and he waves obnoxiously, before he gathers up his stuff and all but sprints towards you. You get a cold water bottle to the face, or a bit of water splashed on you usually, which he takes immense amusement in. 

He knows it’s not possible for you to make it to all of his games, and usually it doesn’t bother him much; you’ve got your own life, and work to worry about. All he asks is that you wear his jersey, or any item of his sports apparel/merch on game day (he’s partial to hoodies).

By the time junior year rolls around, he’s not all that interested in attending parties that aren’t hosted by your friends; so, unless it’s at Connie, Jean, or Reiner and Bertholdt’s place, Eren will usually decline. Even team parties, he’s not crazy about unless it’s to celebrate a championship or something. He’d much rather celebrate with you. 

He does get excited about hosting parties though, and he and Jean become pretty damn good co-hosts. They don’t throw ragers, and that’s probably why Eren likes it so much. It’s usually your friend group and a couple plus ones, some good music, games, weed, and take-out. 

He’ll buy you coffee whenever you ask for it. The first time, he just orders something plain, not really knowing the difference between anything; but give it two or three tries, and he’ll get it perfect. He becomes so good that he can order you something new/different and you’ll love it. 

That’s kind of the start of his own coffee addiction, and more often than not, when he buys you a cup, he’s on his second or third of the day himself. The flavor has really grown on him, okay. 

He much prefers your apartment, but on occasion, he’ll ask you to come to his. You’ve been studying for so long, a change of environment should do you good, he claims. He’s a fucking liar tho because that’s all Eren Talk for “I do genuinely want you to come over, but my plans are to coerce you out of doing your assignments and doing me instead.”

Lmfao he adds you on Apple Watch Rings just so you can see him close his rings every day and laugh at you. Even if yours get closed by virtue of walking around campus or working out or whatever, his numbers are stupidly high because he fucking has practice at least 4 days of the week. 

Of course when you’re running on a soccer field for 2 hours every day, you close your Move Ring five times, Eren. Leave the rest of us alone. 

He buys you guys matching accessories for your keychains. It’s something pretty cute, and slightly random, but it reminded him of you. It also serves as a reminder to himself to take his fucking keys with him when he leaves his house. 

He sleeps like a fucking rock, so do not let him fall asleep in the library. Waking him up is a mission, and he’s never happy to be woken up. He looks kinda cute tho. 

He schedules dates for you and his friends. Usually by accident, but hear me out. Sometimes he’ll make plans with Armin, then forget that he has class or a test or something; so his solution is to text you, “hey, i forgot min and i were supposed to go some aquarium tomorrow but i have a midterm so here’s the pdf of my ticket, go with him for me, thanks babe love u” then, boop, you and Armin have an aquarium date Friday evening. 

The same thing happens with Mikasa, though, she usually catches the scheduling conflict before Eren does, and invites you out herself. You and Mikasa hang out quite a bit anyway, so it comes to the point where she tells you when she’s gonna hang out with Eren, so you can make yourself free for when he inevitably remember he has a game that day. 

Mikasa is most amazed that you’ve put up with Eren this long lmao. You’ve certainly lessened her Eren & Armin babysitting hours, and for that she’s eternally grateful. Also, she’s just happy to have another close friend. She loves Eren and Armin, but they’re not the most social beings, and she was literally their only friend besides the other for all their childhood PLEASE she’s so happy you’re around. 

It’s Mikasa, however, who babysits you and Eren whenever you both get too drunk. Says you guys are two peas in a pod (affectionate<2)

If you tell Eren something important that happened, like an internship you got, or a good grade in a class, or something, he usually relays that information to his mom pls. He texts her every day, and if she doesn’t ask for an update on you first, he gives her one.

Carla calls you sometimes, too. At least once every few weeks, just to check on you herself. She really likes you for Eren, and is grateful someone is willing to put up with her hotheaded son. 

Eren’s always using your fucking chapstick. Always. You know he has his own, so why he needs to use yours is beyond you. Finds time to make some dumbass comment about how it’s an “indirect kiss” every time he uses it too. Like bro, we’re dating, and have had many direct kisses why are you like this.

He posts on Instagram every few weeks or so, but you’re on his story every few days. Usually, it’s just a video of you minding your business and doing your work while Eren slowly zooms in before making some loud noise to surprise you, all so he can get your reaction on video and laugh at it. He’s annoying. 

He’s a bit of a copycat when it comes to the products you use. He’ll buy the same brand of pens as you (for that matter, all of his school supplies mirror yours because what does he know about the difference between A4 and A5 notebooks?), put a little hand sanitizer on his backpack like yours (and a lotion, too, for good measure), he even copies your Starbucks order until he finds one he likes for himself. It’s one of his love languages <3

If you’re wondering where your eyelash curler went, Eren stole it to try it on himself, hurt himself, vowed to never use it again, went back because he wanted to “do it right and not give up,” liked the results when he didn’t pinch his eyelid, and now it’s his. 

That being said, stop trying to put your Fenty lipgloss on him, it’s never going to happen. Eye makeup, maybe, only if you sit in his lap and he can have his hands on your ass while you do it. 

What he does love is letting you do his skincare. He will set aside dedicated skincare nights, he adores it. Easily one of his favorite things ever. 

You have his wallet. Not because he’s your sugar daddy or anything (although, if you want something, he’d definitely let you use his card to get it; and even if you bought something without asking, he wouldn’t think twice about it), but because he put it in your bag once and never took it out. 

When you tried to give it back, he just shook his head and told you to keep it, “I have my ID in my phone case anyway, and you’re less likely to lose it. Plus I put all my cards on Apple Pay, so I’m good.”

When you do make it to a game of his, he’s all over you when it’s over. Not in a cocky athlete boyfriend kind of way; in a very sleepy boyfriend kind of way. He’s usually got ice on at least one part of his body, and he’s got half his body weight on you as you walk to the car. 

By the time you guys get back to your place, he’s practically sleep walking. The only thing on his mind is taking a hot shower to soothe his muscles, and heading to bed. The aftermath of game days aren’t all that bad though, because even if you didn’t show, you’re always there to kiss him when he’s home and massage his shoulders, and cuddle him to sleep; and that’s his favorite part. 

#anonymous #hes so fucking cute hes my fucking BOYFRIENDDDDDDDDD #eren x reader #aot x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot imagines #eren fluff #eren smut