#i then talk about the gender binary and some trans issues

[elnotwoods]

my sister, who has truly been living under a rock: hey so can you tell me more about what non-binary means?

me, a non-binary person who has not come out yet: MY TIME HAS COME

#lmao my time to shine babes #i give her a few basic explanations #explain gender constructs and expectations and how they affect her (a cishet woman) as well #i then talk about the gender binary and some trans issues #her: woooow okay i get it #too bad that my sister forget things like fucking dory unless it’s been drilled into her #nonbinary #lgbtq things #el rambles

[homophyte]

mmhhgm 2 AM thinking about HRT…………..perhaps my urgency is influenced by the belief that my transness only becomes acceptable after certain parameters are met and that it is in some way inappropriate to present myself as a trans person while being pretransition . something radical about the exposure of the whole process instead of being one of those instagram transes who pop into existence 7 years on T and post top surgery

#i know this is a recent discourse bc of like the attacks on access to transition care #but idk i can’t help but think there is something very radical about #demanding equal treatment and putting the onus on others and not urself #okay yes you can be accepting and respectful of this trans woman who #looks to you like what a woman should look like #but would you have treated her the same 5 years before when she just started E? what about before that if she confided in you #obviously trans medical care is under attack and it is important to protect trans peoples access to it #but so much of the conversation around that seems to revolve around ppl who have access already #and appeals to their acceptability and gender conformity and often capitulation to cis binary standards #what about all the pretransition people being thrown under the bus because #they’re facing barriers to access conflicts or unsafe circumstances #it’s troubling to me to see people who have been on HRT for years claim the only reason some claim to be trans but aren’t on hormones #must just be cowardice in the same breath as they fearfully discuss new barriers to access being put up every day #those things r related actually and if u really want to support access to care u need to acknowledge that #it’s necessary to continue to protect BECAUSE some people don’t have it yet #not to continually try to present those people as some kind of enemy because them not already having it means they’re the enemy of #trans medical care #i suppose my main issue with it is the way pretransition people are really screwed by that kind of talk #just supports the idea that we don’t deserve it that we should have barriers that we don’t belong #as if those are not the very things we are seeking to and need to alleviate #myposts

[transmaverique]

gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic

see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo

like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.

(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)

(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)

#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level? #do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender? #< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious #ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends #i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a #dience here anyways? #the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just #fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments #my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed #but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i #entities erased #while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men #which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her? #like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the #way you react to it which is very different from my experience #binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi #y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'?? #and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me #people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique #do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb #? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people #and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman #and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not #i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is #like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be. #and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is #directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre #up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full #transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol. #anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol

[genderqueerdykes]

the reason intersex people need to be visible and at the forefront of every queer's activism is because we are completely devoid of autonomy when it comes to identifying ourselves. no matter how hard we try to speak up on how we are treated, how we are dehumanized, how we are refused our right to say who we are, it falls through the cracks because of how many people continue to diminish our issues, and espouse intersexist beliefs.

when i speak up about being transfemme, and a trans girl, it's not because i'm trying to step on people's toes or speak about something i don't understand. i speak up about it because this is the life i've lived. it doesn't matter if strangers see me this way or not, this is how i've been my entire life. whether or not someone knows i was technically born AMAB and then had my gender "corrected" shouldn't matter.

trans people do not only come in binary sexes- just like gender, physical sex is also not a binary. i am an intersex trans girl , even if my agab didn't stay AMAB forever. I would be an intersex trans girl regardless of whether or not they assigned me male at birth, because my experience with womanhood and femininity is that they've always been held away from me, way farther than it would ever be possible for me to reach.

i've had to take estrogen & progesterone HRT in the past in order to "correct" my masculine features in order to look like and be a girl "correctly". the subject of my body and my gender has never been something i've been able to control. my whole live i've just been told that i'm a girl wrong, and that i need to "Fix" it.

boyhood or manhood weren't options either, that was held away from me with a 10 foot pole as well. i've had to transition into gender, itself, because i was forbidden to be a boy or a girl. i was always too sensitive or soft to be a real boy. gender as a concept has been a source of control and degredation for me. i had to transition into both manhood and womanhood in order to have control over how i identify. even now when i talk about manhood and being a man, people tell me that i'm not a trans man because of how i look. i'm routinely denied manhood, I "have" to be a trans woman only to some.

due to my intersex condition, i'm a trans man and a trans woman, transfemme and transmasc, but people struggle to accept this. there's no reason for people to give me hell about these parts of myself, and yet people still do. intersex awareness matters because we fight to be seen as the people we are. we struggle to have our identities be addressed correctly. we are in the same fight as trans individuals, and we owe it to intersex trans men, women, and people to help people understand that trans folks come in all different types of bodies, and that biological sex is not a binary, either.

we have to fight for each other's autonomy. for all of us. together we are stronger, louder, and braver.

#intersex #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #queer #transfemme #transfeminine #transfem #trans girl #trans woman #trans lady #nonbinary #trans #transgender #enby #genderqueer #about us #transmasculine #ftm #trans man #our writing

[stupidcowboykid]

as a trans person i am so sick and tired of the mainstream queer community and allies re-equating gender and pronouns "but more woke this time". fuck OFF. how many times do we have to say that pronouns dont equate gender identity before yall LISTEN and change your fucking actions?

if i say i use he/him you ASK before assuming im a man, trans or not. i dont fucking care.

at some point your activism and understanding of gender politics MUST go beyond affirming individual people's gender identity ("ohh well i called him a man because hes using male pronouns") and into thinking about some of the main, real goals of both queer liberation and feminism.

#yallre still surprised when someone says oh i use they/them and then has a more complex identity than nonbinary or agender #why can't you see that mindset as a real and serious issue? #that reveals a fault in the way we understand gender and the way we're teaching queer acceptance to non-trans allies? #instead of accepting it as some inevitable but ultimately harmless byproduct of the conventional neoliberal reimagining of an-- #--individualistic-centric “gendery binary + 1” system? #i know yall love to pattern-match but be fr #you cannot just remove yourself from gender as a sociopolitical construct and expect all ramifications of it to disappear #we need to-- as a community in more than name-- as a community in PROTEST and survival-- fucking do something about this? #trans discourse #queer discourse #transphobia #cowboy talks #vent post

[multigenderswag]

I'd like to talk for a bit about the genre of post that's like "sure you're a boygirl fagdyke genderfreak but do you respect [trans identity]?" I think these sorts of posts do address a lot of important points, such as:

Even if you're genderqueer and going "gender isn't real! smash the binary!" there's a real possibility you haven't unlearned or might still be upholding some very transphobic sentiments, and you should do some introspection about that

Some people only want acceptance for their trans identity but don't want to do the work to deconstruct what gender looks like, stop holding other people to their own gendered expectations, and unlearn their internalized bigotry about different trans identities

Sometimes the [trans identity] is specifically relevant to the identities referenced, such as people who will do surface level acceptance of "boygirls" but then call multigender people problematic for using "contradictory" terms like male lesbian, or asking "are you normal about intersex people?" to point out the prevalent intersexism in the multigender community.

But if the [trans identity] or intersex identity being asked about isn't related to multigender community issues, it seems a little strange to consistently single out labels like boygirl and fagdyke that tend to be used by multigender people in these posts. All kinds of trans people can be transphobic about other trans identities. All kinds of trans people are capable of fighting for their own acceptance but not anyone else's. But these posts are pretty frequently just about boygirl fagdykes.

It reminds me of posts about a "theyfab named Sock being transmisogynistic." Are there transmisogynistic FTX nonbinary people? Yes, no one is immune from perpetuating transmisogyny. But these types of posts are still exorsexist.

Similarly, though I'm not saying the pattern of "sure you're a boygirl fagdyke genderfreak but do you respect [trans identity]" is necessarily exorsexist or transmultiphobic, since like I said they do address important points, some of which actually are multigender community issues. But people do use those types of posts to be really transmultiphobic and exorsexist, but in an "acceptable" way, because the boygirls are transphobic so it's okay to hate them.

Some examples in the notes of this sort of post asking 'are you normal about trans women?":

This assumes that multigender identities are only an online thing, only a young person thing, that all multigender people look cis in real life, that no multigender person has experienced real transphobia.

Again, this assumes that no multigender person "looks like a freak" for their gender, that they never struggle with transphobia offline. And straight up saying they have a "huge issue" with girlboy genders.

Multigender labels aren't "performative titles," they're our genders. This person is just straight up admitting they think our genders are fake, that they're only "titles" and not real fucking identities.

"I tend to Not like multigender people" okay so we're just saying the quiet part out loud now

By all means, keep talking about intracommunity transphobia. It's important. But don't throw multigender people under the bus to do so.

#transmultiphobia #was having a discussion on this with some other trans people and thought it might be worth posting about

[doberbutts]

Speaking of Bad Takes Havers and Stupid Arguments, scrolled by one that was effectively "trans guys who talk about transandrophobia should instead practice posting pictures of older passing trans men but they won't because of their fantasies of never passing"

And like. First of all. I do that. I've posted multiple older, passing trans men. I talk about my trans guy friends who pass perfectly all the time? I pass like 80-90% of the time nowadays?

But I also know trans men- binary trans men who are absolutely putting in the effort to pass as binary cis men- who do not pass and have been on T for significantly longer than I have been. I've been on T for a year and a half and I pass fairly well nowadays. I have a friend who has been on T for over 10 years who does not. I had more beard and more growth and more masculine features and frame pre-T than he does 10 years on T, post-op, medically transitioning far younger than me. That's... honestly one of the points? Not everyone is so lucky.

And not everyone desires my outcome, and it's *weird* seeing this argument over and over because honestly it just sounds like transmedicalism. The only valid trans guys are the ones that are binary male and pass perfectly for cis and have been on T for years and have done every single surgery possible. Sorry but that's not a lot of people's realities, and it's just plain not feasible for many people either. We're just going to leave these people behind because their journey doesn't match ours??? Really???

It's so bizarre to see someone constantly going "skill issue" when faced with someone else who does not pass. Some people are never going to pass. It doesn't make them any less trans or any less of whatever gender they say they are. How can you call yourself part of the trans community when you're spitting on people less fortunate or with different priorities than you?

[trans-androgyne]

The sentiment that men inherently need to “protect” women is not progressive, it is just straight patriarchy. However, my biggest issue with this is the way it talks about trans men. I need queer people to understand that trans men do not just magically get blanket access to gendered/male privilege the moment they figure out they’re a guy. Cis men have gendered privilege and some trans men can conditionally access certain parts if/when they’re perceived as cis men. But identifying as a man alone doesn’t actually materially do anything for you if you aren’t always treated like one. What about closeted trans men? Non-passing trans men? Multigender trans men who are also women — where do they fit in here? What privilege do trans men receive in medical contexts where they’re treated as female and subject to the misogyny that comes with that? “Male privilege” cannot be framed as “you have it or you don’t” if you actually try for a moment to operate outside the cisnormative sex/gender binary. People with privilege (including women) should use it to uplift those without, but absolutely no group of trans people can be assumed to have access to gendered privilege as a whole.

#transandrophobia #intracommunity issues tag #mine #long post

[lesbiskammerat]

In many ways this is sort of a non-issue but I think people might end up talking past each other when it comes to "women and femmes" and similar stupid terms because there are two (maybe more?) completely contradictory ways that people use them.

For some people, women and femmes is about presentation, and people who use the term like this often conceptualise misogyny/sexism/patriarchy as being, at its root, a devaluation of "feminine" things and behaviours, like the colour pink, wearing dresses, make-up, fashion, nursing work, etc.

For other people, women and femmes is about "female experiences" while growing up and navigating society. What counts as a female experience is pretty nebulous but usually it ends up boiling down to birth assignment.

For the first use of the term, trans women and gay men can be part of the group provided they're feminine, but masculine non-binary people or butches, regardless of birth assignment, don't count or are only conditionally included.

For the second usage, trans men can be part of the group if they still find "AFAB" to be an important part of their identity, but trans women are not part of the group, or are only conditionally included.

Both of these are pretty terrible ways to categorise people and understand society, and their use is very revealing about someone's biases about gender, but they're different types of wrongness.

[drdemonprince]

I'm a trans guy and tbh I feel like I don't fully understand the transandrophobia debate. Based on my understanding of intersectionality & transfeminism, I think that trans men (largely) experience transphobia and misogyny, while trans women (largely) experience transphobia, misogyny, *and* transmisogyny -- I also think it's necessary to discuss issues that specifically affect men without describing them as forms of oppression or discrimination against men. But that's just accounting for intersecting identities (including both marginalized and privileged identities) rather than only accounting for intersecting oppressions, right? I feel like some people using the term "transandrophobia" either seem to be confusing these two concepts or mistaking gender essentialism for discrimination against men (though some just use it to describe a subset of transphobia rather than an intersection, it seems like). In any case, even though misandry isn't a real systemic issue, I can understand why some people feel like there's missing language or frameworks when it comes to discussing the ways men, and trans men specifically, are treated (and the ways they/we treat each other). I'm not sure what better alternatives are available, but I'm sure some are possible. I'm wondering if I'm misunderstanding something or if you have any other thoughts on this. Thanks!

It sounds like you understand this 1000% better than every sincere transandrophobia poster. Not every unique experience is a locus of oppression that needs a systemic oppression label -- but yeah, of course, it merits being talked about.

For example, lots of trans men have a hard time in coping with the shift from being treated with emotional deference and warmth by strangers, to suddenly being treated quite coldly or even in a mistrustful way by strangers. That is a real, painful experience -- and it's one that is wrapped up in damaging gender norms that do also negatively affect cis men. It's not androphobia, but it is a consequence of sexism and the gender binary that sucks, and it merits speaking about.

Where things get dicey and fucked up is when men (either cis or trans) take a painful experience like that and declare that it means they're actually more oppressed than women.

(And, as Lee ButchAnarchist often points out, women's emotions are even more policed than men -- yes men are denied tenderness and warmth from total strangers, but they are showered in affection and caretaking by the women close to them, and they are allowed rage a whole lot more than women, in general. so it's overly simplistic and sexist to say men are more societally emotionally repressed. this dynamic plays out among trans men too -- we are given a lot more latitude to be emotionally explosive. trans women, meanwhile, are told they're being "scary" if they have any negative emotion. This is all also racialized -- Black people of any gender are basically never afforded the chance to voice negative feelings in public no matter how much they police their tone.)

I think a lot of trans masc people have a sudden rude awakening that being treated as a man can be painful and complicated, and that the gender binary harms everyone, and that there is a social price to pay for the privileges of being deferred to, respected, and so on. They also don't want to acknowledge when they are being respected and deferred to -- owning up to having any male privilege feels dirty and wrong to people, which is silly because it's just a reality, it has no moral bearing on the person experiencing the privilege. And of course it's often an incomplete privilege because of sexism and transphobia. But it still happens. Particularly within trans spaces.

I don't think this conversation will move forward productively until more trans men are capable of acknowledging that many of us have privilege and that we are very capable of hurting other people, being sexist, and speaking over trans women. And that's why we gotta make this transandrophobia stuff just completely socially unacceptable in our spaces. It is exactly the same as being a Men's Rights Activist. There are real men's liberation issues! Any worthwhile feminism will also liberate men! There are lots of aspects of the gender binary and patriarchy that are harmful to men, and that's worth talking about. Same with transphobia. But we can't have that conversation when men commandeer it to talk about how actually women have it better and all that vile shit. That talk is used to silence women, trans and cis alike.

[acrystalwitch]

First an introduction to Lucifer: Usually in my deity guides this is where I’d share a bit of mythology on the deity I learned from their texts. Here will be a lot of UPG and SPG instead from him and other followers of his instead, as the texts he is in purely see him as evil and misunderstand him. This might ruffle some feathers so again please know; I understand I’m speaking from my own UPG a lot.

From the best of my understanding, and from what Lucifer has shared with me…

Lucifer was an Angel from the Christian religion. He was his father’s most beautiful Angel.

His father made the angels to serve him and always rule under him, he was the only god in his pantheon and wanted to stay that way.

The angels never even questioned it, things were how they were and that was that. But, Lucifer started to question it, he felt it was unfair and cruel for a god to create so many creations just to serve him and worship him, it was selfish and controlling. So he asked to be treated as an equal, and instead was punished.

In that he gathered all of the angels he’d been able to rally behind his cause. He wanted to free them of the idea that told them they couldn’t ever be more than his servants. Lucifer revealed to them that they were all no different from gods themselves. They rebelled against their controller, and lost.

Lucifer and his angels were kicked out of their pantheon and thrown into Hell, being called ‘demons’ now.

The demons rule different parts of hell and Lucifer is said to be the king of all of it. But I also believe he spends most of his time on Earth.

When Lucifer saw that his father created humans and was doing the same to them in Eden that he’d done to the angels he felt so sorry for them. He snuck his way into the garden and tried to get them to pull the veil from their eyes. He helped them see that they could make decisions for themself, and that’s the energy he continues to try and bring to us all wherever he can.

He is a deity of love for humanity, love for freedom and independence. A god of rebellion and justice for those who have been walked all over. He is angry and sad and kind and fair. He is pride and self love. Confidence and knowing yourself inside and out.

My personal experience with Lucifer:

He is the 3rd deity I brought into my personal pantheon I worship and he is very key to my pagan practice.

He came into my life to help with a lot of my religious trauma and things revolving around the church and my childhood and my parents.

He also helps with a lot of my gender and trans issues, as I and many others that work with him see him as a more non-binary being (I use he/him pronouns mainly but I have always felt Lucifer isn’t binary)

He appears in meditations to me as a blonde man, looking kind of sad at times, but other days very excitable and probably the one that makes me laugh the most (next to Thor)

WHY ALL THE LEMONS

You might’ve noticed almost everything I do surrounding lucifer I talk about lemons or have images of lemons.

Plain and simple answer is, lucifer really likes lemons 😂

It just kind of became our thing because I’ve always really liked sour fruits. They seem misunderstood like him, but also bright and sunny , with that sour kick.

On that note…

Other offerings for Lucifer

(Of all of my deities Lucifer cares the least about physical offerings and the most about spending quality time together)

- yellow, orange, red, black candles

- sunstone

- citrine

- carnelian

- flower agate

- gold jewelry

- wine

- Sun water

-chocolate

- citrus/lemon incense

-coffee

-tree fruits

Non physical offerings

- acts of rebellion

- artwork

- poetry

- shadow work

- hanging out with him while you do mundane activities

- learn about yourself, get to know yourself

If you have a lot of trauma in your past about the Christian religion and have felt like he might be reaching out to you, it could be worth pulling out your preferred divination method and having a check.

He has worked wonders for me already and I’ve found a lifelong friend in him as well. Of all my deities I’d say he’s the most understanding of humanity and what we go through and it just feels like talking to a wise friend sometimes.

#Lucifer #lucifer devotee #lucifer deity #Lucifer guide #witchcraft #paganism #pagan witch #crystal witch #deity witchcraft #demonology

[fandomsandfeminism]

So, this is going to be a little meandering and all over the place. But I'm trying to express this...web of thoughts I've been having lately around this issue of queer, and labels, and the way we talk about our history and the way the community conceptualized itself in this very digital age. And it's still kind of half formed, so...let's see.

So. OK.

One thing I see a lot online, especially with people who are just now coming out, is a sort of...overfixation on increasingly niche labels. Im not saying that having a very specific or newer label is bad, to be clear. Labels are rhetorical tools, use what is useful. They help with visibility and discussing specific issues. No issues there.

But watching people quibble over bi vs pan vs omni vs abro or non-binary vs genderqueer vs demigender vs genderfluid vs agender vs xenogender vs bigender vs gnc. Asexual or gray ace or demisexual or queerplatonic. And whether they are a biromantic lesbian demigirl or bisexual greyaromantic genderuid. And it's always just a little exhausting, ya know? Again, if those labels are meaningful and useful, that's great, but I see people *agonizing* over which they "really" are. Like if they pick the wrong word to describe themselves, they are coming out the wrong way, like they are wrong about themselves if they can't find the exact correct word on an FAQ list of lgbt vocabulary.

And how I think that relates to the way people talk about our CURRENT labels as though these labels have always been there and like the people described by these labels now have no common experiences with other labels. Like lesbians and bisexual women have absolutely nothing in common. Like butches and trans men have no shared history. As though trans women and drag queens have always been completely separate and unconnected groups. As though ace folks and nonbinary folks are somehow new to the scene, and not community members who were always here and just didn't have a separate label until more recently.

I *remember* watching the community make the switch from transvestite and transsexual, to differentiating between transsexuals and transgender, to basically just using transgender/trans. Those labels are not stagnant. None of our labels are some ingrained biological unchanging objective truth. Labels are rhetorical shortcuts to summarize this facet of our identity and lives and experiences- but they are just words.

And maybe this connects to the way people get really...weird about historical figures too. Like whether Sappho was a lesbian or bisexual, as though either of those words would have had any meaning to her. About whether Shakespeare was gay or bi, like he would have conceptualized his own identity that way. About what modern label Dr. James Barry would have used for himself if anyone could travel back in time and ask him.

And then I think about why queer feels so much more affirming, so much more a place of strength, than LGBT+. Not that LGBT as a label is bad, and I honestly probably prefer it for allies and outsiders to use. But as a community label- Queer, to me, says that all our experiences are queer experiences. Queer can be many things, but they are all queer. Regardless of how many genders or which specific genders you like, whether you have a romantic and or sexual attraction to whatever collection of genders, whatever thing your gender is doing today- all of it, ALL of it, once you step outside that cis, straight mainstream sexuality and gender norm- is queer. Equally queer.

Lgbt+ feels like we are still keeping all those labels separate, little boxes all lined up next to each other- different but a coalition. And while that isn't bad, I also think it isn't totally true.

[A caveat here, that there are times when more specific labels are very helpful. We don't want any specific kind of queer experience to be overshadowed or erased, and having more specific labels facilitates those discussions. Again, I'm not saying that we should eliminate or erase our more specific labels.]

But I think imagining our community as a collection of wholly separate groups that are just allied together, instead of one group that we are all equally in, can make it far too easy for exclusionists to sneak up and say "well ___ isn't REALLY lgbt. THEY aren't REALLY one of us. ___ dont belong."

If we take all the labels off all the crayons- red and pink and purple and blue and teal and green are not hard and fast divisions. They are artificial distinctions we have made- all of them are light, all of them the rainbow.

Anyway. I just think that, while everyone should use whatever labels bring them joy and are useful for them, we might be better off if more folks were ok with ALSO accepting the vast ambiguity of being queer.

#queer thoughts #queer rambling #maybe Im off here or missing some nuance #but Im bi AND queer #Im bi and genderqueer AND queer #and I think theres strength and beauty in seeing our diverse experience and saying YEAH all of us are in this together

[genderkoolaid]

What are your thoughts on the phrase "Women and/or other marginalized genders" (or some other variation) that some people/companies use to try and be inclusive towards non-binary people and trans men when discussing certain issues?

(i.e. The Streamer Award's category for Best Female/Marginalized Gender Streamer of the year)

I personally don't mind it as I feel that too many people lump trans men in with cis men and call it a day, but I can empathize with how some people might see it as being othering.

Just curious about your opinion, as I really appreciate how nuanced you can be.

Thanks!

I don't think its inherently bad, but it needs to be backed up by meaningful action.

I think its good to talk about (cis) women's position in patriarchy alongside gender-oppressed non-(cis) women; it promotes solidarity and presents trans allyship as a fundamental part of feminism, not just an add-on. But if you only acknowledge trans people in name, it ends up feeling hollow. That's when people feel like you are misgendering trans people, because you are still viewing your organization as being about cis women, with trans people being tacked on like an afterthought.

It works much better when you actively reshape your perspective to view trans* people as equally important to cis women. When you do some things that cater to trans* people specifically, and different groups of trans* people. And, on that note, its important to be prepared for "gender-marginalized people" to include men. Which also means masculine men, men with beards and penises, even men who were assigned male! It means people who look like a stereotypical cis guy, who may even enjoy looking like that, and yet do not want to be called men!

The problem isn't with the phrase itself imo, its about whether or not its backed up by actual transfeminist action, or if its just empty virtue signaling.

#m. #ask box #transunity

[wandering-mage]

Something important that I think allies really need to start doing to be good allies to the trans community is stop assuming anyone's gender.

Now that sounds easy, and I think most allies wouldn't blink at that statement, but I think in practice a lot of allies balk at what this actually means.

It's easy enough to say trans women are welcome in the women's restroom and that you are comfortable with that. But are you going to be comfortable with a trans woman with copious body hair and a full beard, and not dressing "traditionally feminine"? If so, why not? How is this different from a cis woman with these traits? (And if you are uncomfortable with that, why?) This person is a woman, regardless of their appearance. Either of these women should be treated with respect, and regardless of whether they are embracing the appearance or dysphoric about it.

Cis women (relatively speaking) are allowed to present more masculine and still be women. Whereas when trans women that want to do the same get accused of being fake, not trans, not trying hard enough etc. Non-binary people that don't meet some nebulous standard of androgyny get accused of wanting to be special, subsets of other genders, or not trying hard enough, if they don't have the idea of anyone being non-binary dismissed entirely. Trans men are often treated as invisible, and anything "feminine" is used to undernine their gender.

Not assuming people's genders means not looking at a person you know nothing about and deciding they are X gender, and picking what pronouns and other words to use for them. I may like when some stranger uses she/her for me or calls me ma'am, but the using either of those is a larger issue that needs to change. If you don't know someone's pronouns, use they/them. That means no assumptions. It doesn't matter how sure you think that random person you see is a cis man that uses he/him pronouns, unless you have had that communicated to you, you don't know (and a reminder, pronouns =/= gender, any gender could use any set(s) of pronouns).

I'm not sure how much I can stress how critically important all this can be for the safety of trans and gender non-conforming people. And I'm aware this isn't easy. It's a very ingrained social behavior, and trans people will struggle through this too. I have to keep reminding myself to not assume pronouns for people. It's going to be a messy process.

I know I'm far from the first to talk about this, but it needs to be talked about more and it was bouncing around my brain. I doubt everything I said here is perfect and possibly have left out some things.

(For context, I'm a binary trans woman.)

(Note: I'm aware there are situations where people have to make some assumptions for their own safety, such as women needing to be wary of people that look like how men are traditionally identified. I'm not talking about those situations, safety is important, and unfortunately all you can really go by is appearance in deciding how to respond there.)

#trans #transgender #non binary #gender #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtqplus #queer

[faggy--butch]

Really confused by your "lesbian trans men" post. The way I think of "lesbian", it's not a term of identity signification, it's a term for a specific type of sexual orientation and relationship.

It doesn't make sense that someone can be a "lesbian trans man" to me, because they are a trans man first, that is their identity. And because of that identity of being male, they are disqualified from being in a lesbian relationship, because a lesbian relationship is specifically female/female.

I'm not a terf, fuck terfs. A trans woman and a cis woman in a relationship are still lesbians. I'm just confused how a trans man can be a lesbian if he's not a woman. If the trans man is attracted to women, wouldn't that make him heterosexual, therefore straight? I'd understand if he was genderfluid, then he would swap back and forth from straight to lesbian depending on which gender he/she is.

The way I look at it, there are two "categories" of being queer. Identity and orientation. Identity comes first, it's what you are. Orientation comes second, it's what you're into. Identity is stuff like being cis, trans, genderfluid, etc. Orientation is stuff like being straight, gay, bi, ace, etc. And in my mind those two categories are completely separate, except where the orientation category depends on the larger identity category, such as "lesbian" being an orientation applicable to women into women, not applicable to men, trans or otherwise.

Please, educate me if I'm completely wrong in thinking about queerness this way, and why.

Well, I think your first mistake was trying to categorize queerness. Queerness by definition defies the boxes that get put on gender and sexuality. That's part of why a lot of people like calling themselves and the community queer, it's all encompassing. I also take issue with sexuality 'only' being an orientation. I certain identify as a lesbian, my sexual identity is just as important to me as my gender identity. I don't just "like girls" which what orientation is. I'm a lesbian, a dyke, it's a part of who i am. it's the way i define myself along with being butch, and to some people their sexual identity can be even more important than their gender one. To some people their gender identity is in fact lesbian.

You have to get it out of your mind that if something doesn't make sense, that it's wrong. It's not for anyone to tell a person what they can or can't identify as, or if they're misgendering themselves or whatever. I mean go to the HER app and you'll figure out quick that there are trans men in lesbian spaces, identifying as lesbians, there always have been.

Trying to fit trans people into the cishetro view of the world is not only never going to work, but it also actively hurts us. It's saying that we HAVE to be like them, we have to emulate our experiences off of the "real" genders and sexualities of white cishet people. that we have to match or we're doing it wrong, that it's not real until we're like them. As a non binary person i reject that entirely. I don't want people to tell me what they think I am, and I'm not going to do it to anyone else. I think everyone would benefit from learning about multigender, multisexual, and the split attraction model, and like talking to intersex people.

#asks #queer

[talisidekick]

Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao

There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.

My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.

This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.

You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.

#trans #transgender #transandrophobia #my asks #2slgbtqia+ #ftm #mtf #trans positivity #transphobia mention #trans men