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hisaame · 8 months

Note

hi hi! Could you do a Scaramouche x fem!reader with angst to comfort? Specifically with reader having issues on how they view their body?? ((Like their insecure)) preferably modern au plss

first time writing on request yippie!! hii and ty, i hope this is what you've asked for!! <3 also im stillll new to writing and stuff, so im praying im good for now!

╰』ˋˋ"What do you mean you aren't pretty?" «

ˎˋ╰⪼Scaramouche x fem!reader ˎˋ

[angst with comfort] — modern au,,,

『warnings: body negativity, cursing, body touch, reader uses she/her pronouns, reader being like half naked (NO SPICY STUFF THO), idk what else to add im not good at warnings.... 』

— Scaramouche simply couldnt understand.

How could you, a pretty girl with the body of a goddess, possibly think you look less than he thinks?

It was in the afternoon, you had invited Scaramouche to come over to your dorm, since it was the weekends and you had no subject to study, you finished two exams last week. So you wanted to have a nice day off, where your lover would be there.

But before that you decided to take a shower, u have already been outside with your friends Hu Tao and Yanfei, spending time with them since they were from another school.

You hated your bathroom. Why? Because the mirror there was huge.

Slowly taking off your clothes, its almost impossible to ignore your reflection. Its there no matter where you turn—seriously, its like they made the dorms' bathrooms like this on purpose, just to make you feel even worse about yourself as if before wasnt already enough.

You cringe at yourself once you took off your clothes. You should hurry up in the shower—but something made you stay in front of the mirror, criticizing yourself with your own thoughts. Turning a bit to the side to look at other various parts of your body, finding nothing decent or enough for yourself. You sighed, you should be positive right now, school isnt in the way and you should be relaxing.

With a glare at your own reflection, before getting into the shower quickly, turning on some warm water. Showers should be relaxing, but as you washed your body, using soap, making there be various white bubbles on your skin, they smell quite nice, and are certainly fun to play with.

But the feeling of your own hands on your body distracted you. The way you felt under your own touch, it somewhat... Disgusts you.

Finally—once you were done with showering, taking a towel and wrapping it around your body, shivering as the cool air hit against your wet skin. You dried off your hair, brushed it out, trying not to stare at the mirror too much. Maybe you're just too judgemental. Maybe you're not as bad as you think?

After you were done with your hair—you must not have noticed, but there was a sudden knock at your bathroom door. Then it opened up to reveal Scaramouche. Well, he peeked through it first to check was he invading any privacy.

"Damn, this was the last place i was gonna check. I came here like five minutes ago." Scaramouche sighed in relief to seeing you, not at all bothered by the fact you're only in a towel. He pressed a kiss to your lips as a greeting, ruffling your half dry hair.

Though, you looked uncomfortable. Not with the fact your lover had come into the bathroom while you were in just a towel, but the fact your body was pretty exposed to him, and you thought, what id he judged you? Maybe not out loud, but what if he was thinking about it?

Noticing your discomfort, Scaramouches eyes widened for a split second at his realization, then spoke up, "i can leave if you want—to wait for u to get changed." , he gave you a half smile. But you told him its alright. Why? You wanna just push him away.

At your answer, he smiled softly, nodding. Maybe you just needed him here, after a hard week. What he thought was different than what you thought. Seeing this as a nice opportunity, he went behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his chin on your shoulder as he gave you a goofy, lazy smirk, looking at the mirror where you two can be seen. Maybe you should've kicked him out...

"You always look so pretty after showering—like all clean, pretty, and u smell nice." Scaramouche mumbled, as if shy to admit. "wait i said pretty twice. Replace one of those words with 'gorgeous' then." You couldn't tell if he was flirting with you or genuinely fucked up with his words.

But the way you looked at him with almost surprise at what he said, his eyebrow raised as his expression changed.

"Why do you look like i fucking said i discovered the moon and flew to mars? Dont you know youre pretty?" He said, his usual personality showing. He doesnt exactly like being all mushy, but for you, he's a sucker. So he's nicer...

Maybe it was finally time to admit it. He was your lover anyway, and you trusted him. You nodded slowly, then immediately looked away, regretting what you just did. That... Shocked Scaramouche! You, not pretty? Were you high!?

".. Huh? Did someone tell you you're not pretty? Ill fuck them up. Who was it?" He narrowed his eyes, his embrace around your waist tightening. His protective side definitely was showing. But once he didnt get a reply, seeing the way you frowned and refuses to look at the mirror, he realized the situation.

"... [y/n]? Dont tell me you tell yourself that..." Scaramouche sighed. Figuring you werent comfortable with the mirror, he turned you around, so you can face him again. You even thought he was prettier than you will ever be. Well, he's here to prove you're better than you think!

"[y/n]. I know i dont say this a lot, but you're gorgeous to me. God, these words sound so cliche.. But its true. You're the most gorgeous, pretty, beautiful—fuck, what else—cute, adorable girl i have ever met. Okay?" Scaramouche stared into your eyes. He definitely wasnt the best at comfort, but he wants to try his best—for you.

Then he softly smiled at you. "Hey, lets get you dressed up and we can talk about how magnificent you really are?", he kissed your nose, hos face flushing immediately right after as he lead you out of the bathroom, talking to you along the way.

"You may have your flaws and all that, but thats what makes you, you. You know? I like your flaws." Scaramouche admitted, blushing like an idiot when he looked away once he told you what he thought.

Soon enough, you were dressed, dragged to bed by Scaramouche who quite literally forced you to be the little spoon this time. You could barely hear the tv over him talking about how pretty he thinks you are.

Yeah, if anyone even dared to even joke about you being 'ugly', he's getting suspended because of reasons you know what happens.

♡

#scaramouche #scaramouche x you #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin #genshin impact #scaramouche fluff #scaramouche angst

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pascals-doll · 4 months

Text

kill kill 3

joel miller x reader

🫧 lovely gif by the @daydreamingmiller !

🫧 final part | ✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 PART 1 | PART 2

🫧 based of the song kill kill by lana del rey, written loosely around the lyrics

🫧 this is so long but i love it JOEL MILLER IS SO LANA WRITTEN

🫧 description: PORN W PLOT 💅🏽 smut smut smut mm smut! dom!joel, outbreak!joel, shower sex, brief size kink, its like rough sex but so loving, , slight religious mention (not really reader prays), no use of y/n, pet names like (darlin, doll, and princess), brief body worship (reader receiving), also fluffy, mentions of killing (a clicker interaction but its brief), mentions of guns and killing (joel kills clicker), reader is turned on by him holding his gun (also by blood splatter but no id say its more him😭)

One, two, make it fun

Don't trust anyone

One, two, make it fun

Don't trust anyone

🫧

Joel wasnt good with his words, he was better with actions. that is why with the position he has you in your own shower, with each praise, each touch, and each kiss was enough to get you soaked. more than the shower already was.

you were naked within seconds after the sentence left your mouth. he hoisted you up onto him and carried you both into the shower while making out like deprived animals. youre hands ran through his fluffy rough brown hair, slightly tugging as he bit your lip causing you to moan into him. you finally were both under the hot showerhead, feeling his cock grow harder underneath your ass making your stomach bubble in excitement.

both of your tongues colliding together, months of yearning being release. all the anger and sadness you had inside, like a clogged faucet you felt all your problems run through you and out.

Joel’s big rough hands being the only thing engulfing youre now wet body again, you didnt care your hair had just been damp from the shower you took this morning.

you could feel your bodies stick together even more “I aint goin no where, princess” Joel says, fixing his grip on your waist and hoisting you up a bit more since the water caused you slip a little. he aligned his thick tall cock with your pussy “I promise” he devoted himself before slamming himself inside your dripping pussy.

he turns you around so your back is pressed up against your shower-glass door “ah fuck!” you yelp out, the sensation of his cock stretching out your tense hole, god knew how long it had been since youve been touched like this. you couldnt help but indulge in your already cock-drunken thoughts and this shit just started.

your mouth was agape “mhm’ good girl, almost there” he praises, his cock overtaking your warm wet slick halfway before thrusting the rest of his cock into your pussy. you saw stars being overfilled to the brim, you swore his tip was hitting your pelvis if you looked down you wouldn’t be suprise to see the smallest bump reappearing and disappearing right below your stomach.

Joels thrusts started off slow easing you to his size “such a doll for me, pretty l’thang” he worships you, taking in how your tits are bouncing mushed up against his broad pecs “Joel! joel! joel! f-uckkk!-nngnh” you moan out loudly, squirming as you feel his cock reach every crevess and corner of the inside of your cunt. the feeling of himself being the only thing.

“lord have mercy-this fuckin pussy s’perfect…made fa’me” Joel mutters out the lewdest praises.

“needed ma’doll- needed your love” you swore you heard him whine out, hips slightly stuttering mid-fucking into you. Joel had been just as desperate and with the heated arguement you just had, pouring out how you really felt.

Joel felt so guilty, so busy doing everything for everyone else. he couldnt do this one thing for you, you just needed somebody, specifically you needed that somebody to him and his old ass finally comprehended it. the last thing joel wanted was to loose you, after doing everything hes done to protect you. he was going to make sure you were happy, the way you have been doing everyime he came back.

“Oh Joel! m’so close! im gon- cu-cum!” you couldnt even speak, you were babbling to be honest. your ears being engulfed by the sound of slapping from his balls slapping hard against you with the mixture of your juices and shower water. your nails continuing to claw at his back as you try your hardest not to slip out of his grasp with his deep thrusts.

“let it all out ma’girl, ma’good girl” he coos, kissing your neck all the way up to your lips as he pumps you and himself to orgasm.

you felt like pounds of weight had been released the second you came. Joel’s groans get uncontrollable as he approaches his release, unloading his warm cum. the feeling of it coating your walls, pumping softly into you before slipping out of you. youre mind was beyond hazy causing Joel to softly chuckle.

“gotta finish up our shower princess, dont’cha worry ill help you”

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

It was the next morning.

the feeling of him in your bed, the only man you dreamed of for so long being in your bed once again was finally here.

you felt whole again even with the world infected and feening for survival, you felt like everything was gonna be okay. you had hope and sometimes in this fucked up world, it is needed.

you had woken up before him but you didn’t mind if it meant you got to wake up to your brute softly snoring beside you, one hand extending to your pillow where it was entangled with your hair only minutes ago. youre mind for once felt peace, it was comforting yet eerie. you knew, you couldn’t get too comfortable.

the feeling made you sick slightly. you slowly ease out of the bed, careful to wake up Joel.

you brought out a soft pink cushion, planted it on the floor beside your bed. you proceeded to get on your knees ontop of the soft pink cushion.

you began to pray. you werent much of a religious person but you needed to believe in something. it was more of a meditation for you. you prayed for yourself. you prayed for Joel to be looked after no matter what along with Ellie, not wanting anything to happen to them. you prayed for anything you could think of, it was just something you needed to do.

you were so focused, you couldnt hear Joel slightly move and turn around “is everything okay doll?” he asks very groggily almost mumble like. you open your eyes “yes baby, i was just doing some praying.” you say softly, getting up and putting your cushion back onto ur bed before crawling back inside into his embrace.

“our first day of many, what ya wanna do?” joel asks, his hands completely taking over you as you lay in his embrace “lets cook breakfast? i have everything we would need, two month ago i went to town and traded money for plenty of food and seed packs” you explain with a soft grin “all you had to say was no hunting, doll” he smiled out, playing with your hair. you slap his chest softly chuckling.

after spending some more time indulging each other in bed, joel thought it would be best to get up before it gets too later into the day.

Joel offered to go out into the garden to pick the vegetables but he didn’t know where exactly you planted the vegetables, so you told him to just heat up the stove as you quickly went to pick out the vegetables.

you grabbed your sharp flip knife and made your way to your backdoor that led to your fairly sized yard. it was big or anything but you had space to grow a few crops, there was a small tree and a very worn down small shed.

as you made your way outside, you look around taking in the same old scenery but it felt different. the air you were breathing in even felt different.

you felt more alive.

you began to walk toward your vegtable crops which were only a couple steps away from your shed. as you got near, you see there was a hole in your fence. it wasnt big but definitely enough for something to crawl through.

you became more cautious, proceeding carefully and quietly. you began to cut each vegtable you needed. you felt yourself tense up for no reason, hearing a rustle behind you.

you snap your neck around, you put your basket down and crouching down a little lower and thats when you heard a loud click erupt.

‘oh fuck me’ you thought to yourself.

you began to tread lightly, becoming hyper aware as you crawl slowly and quietly to your barn. each slow and slight crawl, you could hear the clicker approach the gap in your fence.

it wouldnt crawl through as long as you didnt make a noise.

that was till you did, your foot accidentally snapped a branch in half.

you had no other choice but to book it and get into your shed before the clicker ran through that hole.

once you locked yourself in, you began to load the hunting rifle you kept in there until you heard a bang ring through outside.

you felt so much relief “princess! please tell me your okay!” Joel yells out worrisome “yes! im okay! everythings okay!” you reassure, putting the rifle away.

you unlocked the barn door and then beinf greeted by joels embrace. you both spoke in unison.

“there’s s a gap in my fence”

“there’s a gap in your fence”

you sigh deeply, yet the moment still being able to bring you a soft smile “it was not there 4 days ago, it mustve been done recently.” you explain to him, confused.

“lets get inside now and ill talk to Tommy about having the far-out land being checked out” Joel says, kissing your head and grabbing your basket of vegtables.

once you both were inside. Joel began to clean his gun, unloading the clip.

now it’s not completely appropriate to be gawking at him doing this but you couldnt help yourself.

you watched his big broad built arms handle the gun swiftly, like a baby and yet like it was nothing.

“like what ya see, pretty?” he teases you “hm…maybe” you tease back, eyeing him. there was slight blood splatter on his hands and a little on his thick coat over his long sleeve thermal.

even with blood splatter the man looked so fucking sexy. you could feel your panties sticking to your slick folds, like as if he knew what you were talking about. he began to walk closer, his gun in hand but lowered “if im wrong doll, go’head tell me” he says once hes closer to your body and face, he leans down. your face becoming inches away from his.

your breath hitched, the feeling of becoming smaller and smaller as his broad built always manages to over take all of you. he slyly reaches over next to you for his gun holster, putting his gun where it is supposed to be.

you cant help let out a helpless whimper at his tease “awe darlin’ is there somethin’ ya want?” Joel gets closer and closer, his gun out the way. you dont waste anytime in lip-locking with the man, you could say you almost jumped him.

both of your lips locking intensely, starved like as if he didn’t just stuff you full the night before.

“i think i’d rather fuck ma’ breakfast this mornin’, what’ya think doll?”

🫧

One, two, make it fun

Don't trust anyone

One, two, make it fun

Make it fun, make it fun

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iamjackstylerdurden · 11 months

Text

ok but dennis’s hands shaking late at night while texting mac as johnny and he tells himself its bc the room is cold or hes stressed but its actually bc its getting more and more difficult to know where dennis ends and johnny begins. when johnnys texting mac all the things he loves about him but its really everything dennis loves about mac. and when mac texts all the things he loves about johnny its all the things he loves about dennis. because dennis made johnny just like him. he wants to be caught by mac because he cant catch himself. he knew from the start it wasnt sustainable. that wasnt the flaw in his plan, it was the climax

when he sees mac texted “gn ily” and for a second he prays mac sent it to his number and not johnnys. but he knows mac didnt bc mac already confessed and dennis said no. so macs trying to move on. when mac texts that and for a brief second dennis debates texting mac “i love u too” from his real number. he knows mac is in his bedroom. he wonders, if he did, how long it would be before he hears footsteps making their way to his door. what would be the first thing mac says as he makes eye contact with johnny for the first time

or when he sends mac to the motel and he sits outside of what he knows for a fact to be macs room. johnny texting excuses as to why hes not there while dennis is just feet away from the door. maybe once or twice he gets his hand on the handle before pulling back. the cold metal burning his skin like holy water hitting a demon (despite nothing about this being holy). sitting in his car in front of the window begging mac to look out the window. to see him. to recognize him. to make the first move bc dennis sure as hell cant

but he never texts “i love you” from his real number and mac never looks out the window and dennis never opens the door. so hes left there knowing exactly where mac is and a pretty good idea of what hes doing but never getting to be as happy as mac. bc mac is texting a fake man hes convinced hes going to have while dennis is texting the very real man hes convinced hes never going to have

always telling himself tomorrow. tomorrow he’ll go to macs bedroom or motel room and confess. lay out his soul and affection. but he can never make tomorrow happen. then mac has to go and tell everyone about johnny. and suddenly its real. mac is in schrodingers box and unknowingly blows it open and the universes collide. text mac and irl mac are one and dennis cant handle it so he doesnt get his grand confession. he gets his exasperated “i am him” but theres people around. he could maybe get his soul out in front of one person (one specific person) but not here at the bar in front of an audience (even if that audience is only one or two people)

so it ends. johnny doesnt exist (at least physically) and now mac knows. everyone pushes it behind them as some scheme abruptly ended as usual. no one pokes or prods at it too much bc why would they. so now that johnnys gone mac isnt tethered to anyone anymore and dennis has to sit through as mac uses his own system against him. so he has to make another elaborate private tactic because being another person is the closest dennis has ever got to being true to himself and mac. dear god he couldnt get anyones help with this because again, his soul only has room for one person. if he doesnt start something else this feeling with sit and sit and fester then die. he already has enough dead things inside of him and one more might start having consequences. he wonders if this is how mac felt all those years. if macs feelings festered and died. maybe he’ll never know

#iasip #macdennis #macden #wow this got a lot angstier than i expected #sorry abt formatting this is my brain throwing out words #mightve gotten too abstract idk i think i have adhd and just wrote whatever i thought #frank vs russia #frank vs russia changed my brain chemistry #help im doing character analysis outside of class #at least i stopped before i started making hannibal and succession references #stream of consciousness

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 11 months

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AITA for telling my sister to not talk about christianity in my car?

for context, i (19nb) grew up in a very evangelical right-wing area. i also happen to be gay, trans, autistic, and an atheist, so you can probably put together how i feel about christianity, specifically evangelicalism. in short, i have religious trauma. (to be clear i do not care what religion any one person practices, as long as they don't use it to be an asshole).

while my family is primarily atheist, my younger sister (16f) began to convert to christianity two years ago. it wasnt a specific denomination - she just prays and reads the bible. very casual. i do not care that she does this.

the problem im specifically asking about happened a year ago, but my sister still uses it in arguments so i want to figure out if i am in the right or not:

i used to drive my sister to and from school, and sometimes she would take her bible out and pray in my car while im driving her. this made me uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, but it mostly comes down to the fact that i felt trapped and unable to escape her praying. since i'm driving, its not like i can just leave the room like i do when she does this in the house, or put on headphones and listen to music since i'm driving.

i asked her to stop doing it after a few weeks and we got into a huge fight. she said that i wouldnt ask her to stop if she was muslim, that i am infringing on her religious beliefs, that this makes her happy and i dont have the right to take that from her.

... even though my religious trauma is related to christianity specifically, i specifically told her to not do it while i'm driving, and i hadnt said anything until then about her religious beliefs. i would not have told her to stop if she had converted to anything but christianity.

AITA?

(sorry if anything is not clear or not well-said. i am not good at wording stuff due to aforementioned autism. thank you!)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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s1lly-billy · 7 months

Text

Guess who's back with more massive lore!! (Kinda)

OK SO JUANAFLIPPA IS BACK!!

THERE WASNT MUCH like serious lore today.

Code update:

His other arm is corrupted but no one noticed due to his gegg costume

Lore update: his parents died making that costume??? I am praying that's not Canon because the lore implications are terrifying. (Kinda like the implication of the eggs have teeth)

Anyway, I like to think Charlie is just canonically completely a believer in ghosts, and tells himself hey yah flippa isn't one and then DOUBTS HIMSELF HALFWAY THROUGH 💀

Thoughts and actual theorys.

So we know about etoiles encryption right? If not I'll post the file.

Pretty much Juanaflippa is a bigger part of the lore than we realized. Not to mention that there was slime materials and armor....all over the haunted house? Slime armor everywhere. Slime blocks...Slime balls....

But....why?

Why are they there.

His lore, it's involved in everything. Flippas code-ness did this, and he's getting corrupted quickly. It's spreading, there's not alot left to cover before he's gone. So I'm thinking, something bigs going to happen soon.

{Note: I think flippa will die soon and we will get a new Charlie arc or a complete wipe of character} [I am praying we get a super duper angsty memory loss arc with the: "WHY DON'T I KNOW?! WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER ANYMORE.... PLEASE... WHO ARE YOU....'Juanaflippa...?'"]

(Forgive my angsty predictions)

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Back to slimecicle lore:

He's still in denial, but trying to stay happy. And still struggles with keeping children alive.

(RIP slimbus, grimbus, and grime DD:)

And he was genuinely sad about it, but tried to stay positive with Flippa by his side (insert "amiga..." Meme) Good news, more massive delicious tasty lore for me to write about in the future!

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Meta:

Likely didn't glitch because of the gegg costume code lol, he AND the admins can only do so much-. Also guys please remember this is rp, Twitter users shouldn't have the right to attack someone for rp and neither should you. Please be respectful to the ccs <3 (Talking about attacks on BBH over rp specifically)

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Back to slimecicle lore:

He's still in denial, but trying to stay happy. And still struggles with keeping children alive. (RIP slimbus, grimbus, and grime DD:)

Charlie is still stuck in the delusion, a forlorn gaze into a hopeful yesterday.

EDIT!!!!: CUCURUCHO WAS WATCHING CHARLIE AND FLIPPA IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE. A LOT. THAT WAS FUCKING WEIRD. Listen CUCURUCHO stay. Back. Ik you want to grab her and interrogate but please.

I know you know.

I need you to not acknowledge it.

#qsmp #codecicle #juanaflippa #q!slimecicle #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp charlie slimecicle #codeflippa #charlie slimecicle #qsmp eggs #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp theory #slimecicle lore #MY SLEEP IS SO FUCKED WITH THE EVENTS THIS WEEK AND IM SO HERE FOR IT #charlies been mentioning ElMariana an awful lot lately...#code monster #qsmp code monster #cucurucho

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transmutationisms · 10 months

Note

could you please elaborate that post about spiritual ennui not being the cause of many social phenomena? theres a whole book I started reading recently (work pray code) which is predicated on the idea that in the US work has come to replace religion as the centerpiece of peoples lives (simultaneously bc of a withdrawal from religion as a country and bc of capitalism demanding that life revolve around work) and I wasnt completely convinced by the authors evidence toward that hypothesis. or was the social phenomena in question more like online culture stuff?

i don't know that particular book or author, so i don't have a sustained critique of them. but in general, yes, i'm frustrated by hypotheses that basically boil down to the idea that a decline in religiosity and religious infrastructure is causing some kind of spiritual poverty that is in turn responsible for various social ills. commonly i see this argument used to 'explain' phenomena including: the persistence of astrology and occult sciences; gun violence; political 'polarisation'; drug use; perceived cultural decline; 'mental health crises'; &c. broadly these analyses tend to draw elements from max weber's idea of disenchantment,¹ a large-scale diagnosis of modernity's devaluation of religion, and from the related notion of desacralisation, the process of divesting individual objects or institutions of their divine properties or provenance.

i think these analyses are really fucking bad and here are some major reasons why:

they're not materialist. by this i mean that, instead of looking for material factors and conditions that might explain social and cultural phenomena, they turn to metaphysical, philosophical, and intellectual explanations. let's think about the persistence of astrology as an example here. on a disenchantment analysis, people are getting back into astrology because, having lost (organised) religiosity in their lives, they feel a spiritual void and seek to create new cosmological meaning through engagement with an anachronistic science-turned-spiritual practice. this explanation sucks. in addition to the fact that astrology and occult sciences never really 'went away' in the first place (& neither did religion lol), this explanation treats spiritual practice and belief as mostly an individual/psychological phenomenon, neglecting rigorous sociological attention to how these ideas spread and how group and community dynamics nurture them and form around them. it also ignores things like the profit motive for astrological practitioners, and related points about how heterodox sciences in general thrive in contexts where professional and class interests create a massive gap between laypeople and experts, barring the general population from accessing and engaging with scientific discourses and critique. 'disenchantment' also grafts onto a general idea about 'alienation', positing that the decline in religiosity creates a sense of loss and disconnect and that this psychological experience drives interest in practices like astrology. but when we talk about 'alienation' in a marxist sense,² we mean material conditions of production: the literal, physical alienation of a labourer from their products, and of a capitalist from the world (because they produce only proximately, via the labourer). the psychological experience of alienation is a result of this real material process of estrangement and expropriation; a weberian analysis that tries to put alienation down to cultural or intellectual factors is not useful for understanding material changes and the 'base' economic relations.

these types of 'disenchantment' analyses tend to claim or imply that they're making universal sociological arguments: religiosity decreases, x takes its place. but in fact these are highly culturally and historically specific arguments. weber's formulation was explicitly premised on a highly eurocentric and teleological conception of 'modernity' and modernisation, wherein the west led the world in a process of 'rationalisation' that involved jettisoning spirituality. that he was ambivalent about the consequences of this process does not make the argument any less flawed. for example, even defining religiosity is not so easy (do we measure by church attendance? private internal belief? community values?) and although the catholic church has become less powerful in certain ways since the reformation, a) it's hardly gone away and b) it doesn't follow that spirituality or religiosity writ large have declined. sticking with the astrology example, if the weberian explanation holds, we should be able to come up with some set of criteria for identifying societies with high or low degrees of religiosity, and then associate that with prevalence of astrological practice. but uh, both of these things vary widely between countries, regions, social groups, &c, almost as though there are other factors at play here, and 'religion' and 'astrology' themselves also have varying meanings, uses, and practical manifestations in varying social and historical contexts.

these 'disenchantment' explanations pretty much all start from the same rhetorical operation, which goes something like: "[x problem] is bad and harmful, which is discordant with my imagination of what 'the west'/the usa is 'supposed' to be like. why does such a [developed/modern/wealthy] society have these problems?" from there, it's a move to a critique of modernity/rationality/the speaker's notion of 'progress', and specifically a critique that aims to identify and root out some kind of spiritual rot or void, without ever challenging or problematising the construction of such notions of 'progress' or the processes of imperialism and colonialism that make 'the west' and wealthy lifestyles possible. in other words, these are generally reactionary arguments that seek to preserve the status quo of the material processes of exploitation and production, but want more psychological fulfillment for a few people.

these explanations are just really fucking bad and over-simplified explanations of how religion functions and what effects it has in a society. again, part of the issue here is that 'religion' is not even really a cohesive category and certainly not a unified set of practices. it works sometimes through institutions, which have their own financial and class characters; it interacts with and sometimes seeks to control politics; it also functions to enforce group identity and community cohesion. these are not inherently good or spiritually fulfilling things, and these effects all vary in different religions, societies, and historical contexts, which makes statements about the consequences of 'declining religiosity' kind of nonsensical on their face. religion can be a vector of racism, of caste, of other inequities; given astrology's essentialist character and resemblence to similarly class- and race-enforcing and -creating psychological projects, i'm certainly willing to entertain arguments that modern astrology performs these religious functions. but again, this argument would require actual materialist analysis, not just the vague diagnosis that 'people want to create spiritual meaning' in a 'modern' world supposedly too 'rational' to fulfill that need.

¹ term borrowed from schiller, but schiller used it somewhat differently and in a different context

² marx's later texts largely subsume the idea of 'alienation' or 'estrangement' into a larger analysis of 'commodity fetishism', which has its own theoretical problems in the construction of the 'fetish' concept; see j lorand matory's "the fetish revisited: marx, freud, and the gods black people make".

#weber #astrology

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jemmo · 1 year

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ok. here’s some of my immediate, rambly reactions to eps 3 and 4 of t8s.

first off, i was kinda nervous the entire day. it’s been a while since ive had butterflies like this waiting for a show to air, most recently was the second season of utsukushii kare, but the level it was today was rivalling waiting on a friday for a new bad buddy ep. and the fact this show managed to put me into that state within less than a week is frankly insane, and shows just how down bad i am for it. all that to say, i so soooooo didnt this want this to be a case of me overinflating how good those first 2 eps only for the follow up to not encapsulate the same feelings. all signs were pointing to that not being the case, but still, when you hyperfixate, you kinda get nervous hoping that thing lives up to everything youve built it up to be. and these eps absolutely did that. they didnt just live up to expectations, but are managing to give me scenes and story beats and emotions i just cant predict at this point, and i love that. just how like this budding relationship feels new and unpredictable to jihyun and jaewon, the show is like that for me to watch, and it does wonders for giving me the same butterflies the two are feeling.

but with that unpredictability comes a kind of uncertainty, not knowing whats gonna happen at any turn, and i cant express how much i adore that about these two eps. with the kind of story theyre building, with jaewon’s mental health struggles and his past, with jihyuns nerves and growth in an unfamiliar environment, itd be so easy to make their relationship a shared place of comfort and certainty and familiarity for each other. that place of refuge. and while i feel like that’s what it’ll eventually become, i love that still, in these early stages, the relationship feels so uncertain and almost not guaranteed. it makes you still hang onto every look and touch and word even though theyve already kissed. something about it doesnt feel pre-determined, which is a feeling i get with so many other bl’s when you know, a majority of the time, they’ll get together and have a happy ending. that doesnt feel guaranteed here (even though i pray for that to be the case). instead, it feels like im watching two individuals that are actually having to make a conscious effort in order for this relationship to become something. they have to work for that certainty. and that kind of knife’s edge, it could break at any moment, hanging on every interaction is packed with that specific kind of nervous exhilaration that is so fucking accurate and true to the start of relationship. i seriously cant describe how perfectly they managed to encapsulate that feeling and convey it with such authenticity. its actually ridiculous. seeing those moments, when they’re talking and skirting so closely around the topic of what exactly they are, when then their fingers brush and you are begging for one of them to make the tiniest of moves, to take hold, to make that kind of a statement no matter how small or silent it is, it makes your heart race, bc its new and unknown and in that moment its like your insides are screaming, begging you to embed this sensation into your veins bc you dont know when the next night like this, when the midnight chill and the dusky sky and the hints of alcohol in your system will mix right and make you feel so hedonistically giddy as you do right now at the feeling of that person by your side. and the way they both chase that sensation, how visibly happy it makes them, a craving for each other and that shared thrill only they know, it is just so unbelievably intoxicating to watch.

i am a person that struggles to sit down and focus. im watching tv but im also knitting, im playing a game but also listening to a podcast. im that person that has to overwhelm my senses to feel sated. this is the first time in a while that ive sat down to watch something and nothing stole my focus, i wasnt distracted, my mind didnt wander. i wasnt concious of the other people walking around my house or the traffic outside or the temperature of the room, i was just fully engrossed. i let every ebb and flow of the scenes and story take me on this path it was guiding me down. and again, thats how they feel. when jihyun and jaewon are alone together, everything else fades away to this dull buzz of background nothingness, they become engrossed in each other, and just as the story pulls me, they pull each other. there’s a constant back and forth, an exchange of setting and challenging boundaries that i adore. when youre getting into a scene, you dont know whos gonna be the one pushing the other. you have jihyun being more forward by the han river, teaching jaewon to draw, then you have jaewon going after jihyun at the library, you have him meeting jihyun after work only for jihyun to ask him to stay and have a drink. its like with every interaction, theyre both asking ‘is this ok?’ and the other asks ‘can we go further?’. i wanna make a whole other post about the nature of their gap in age and experience and all that brings and also how the expectations it brings are subverted, but for now i just wanna say how great it is that there is this balance, and especially that jihyun is allowed to be confident and brave and forward with jaewon, and jaewon is allowed to be reserved and giddy around jihyun. those are experiences so often reserved for the elder and the younger in a relationship, respectively, so to let jihyun be the leader and jaewon the follower, swept up by his feelings and attraction is so refreshing and plays so well into the kind of growth we’re gonna see from these characters and that they need, jihyun growing out of this shy country mouse persona to be more forward and bold, and jaewon being allowed to drop his mask of bravado and letting him be a young person that doesn’t have to be in control of everything. we see that one of his main pressures is the concept of the future, of how simultaneously wide and full of possibilities but also narrow and predetermined that future is for him. he talks about being afraid to lose the comfort of a microcosm like the army of school, even though they are places where he isnt necessarily happy. and then in comes jihyun, something not predetermined, something unexpected, and he takes control of jaewons future in a way by opening up this new path for him. he’s taking some of that stress from jaewon’s shoulders by being an equal and responsive partner in this journey, and offers the chance for jaewon to have something certain in his future, only if he too will work for it. only too if he tries something new, realises that its not too late, and that the anxiety and fear and uncertainty that comes with it may be worth it. bc it may not be guaranteed, but to try instead of never knowing is the only way he can make this possible.

tldr; this show is breath-taking, and im gonna be emo about it for a very long time

#thats it for me until i rewatch approximately 10 times and make 50 more rants #im down so bad #but im addicted to the way this show makes me think #its just stunning #and im so fucking happy i could cry #the eighth sense

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clownrecess · 1 year

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As an autistic individual myself, I am interested in the intersection of neurodiversity and various identities.

You've mentioned that you identify as a Norse Pagan. I'm curious about how your spiritual beliefs intersect with your neurodivergent experience. Do you find that your autistic identity informs or impacts your spiritual practice in any way?

(Tw for discussions of trauma, religion, etc.)

Sorry for the late-ish response! I've been working on this post a little everyday to make sure I write it how I want it.

I dont think that my autism has impacted my religion or spirtual experiences/beliefs, but my brain as a whole does. (Update: It actually did influence it quite a bit. I'm realizing this after writing this post. So, uh, thank you for helping me realize something that I find quite interesting!)

When I was a kid, I was raised in christianity. I was very religious. I prayed everyday, I had a cross in my room, etc.

But heres the thing: I have OCD. A few different types, but out of those, one of them is religious OCD.

Most of my praying ages late 8-12 was done purely out of fear. At that point I wasnt even really a Christian, I was just really afraid, which really impacted how I viewed religion. I HATED conversation about it because it felt scary and icky to me.

I didn't understand why people would ever want to talk about it. It felt like a very private topic for me, so I figured people who go out of their way to talk about it must be trying to get extra "good points" with god (maybe that bit was caused by autism, actually.).

During that time, I would go through little phases of a month or so at a time in which I would try to "swing the opposite direction". This was around age 10-11. I was developing an intense anger toward the church, and I just wanted to be the opposite of they were, whatever that meant. Because I didn't want to think about religion (due to anxiety around it), I really didn't know what many religious labels actually meant because researching them made me very uncomfortable, so I briefly identified as a satanist (this would be on and off during ages 10-11.) despite really not knowing what that meant. I think I just wanted a way to separate myself from the church as much as possible.

A few months after I turned 12, I felt a really strong urge to research paganism out of nowhere (I didnt even know what "pagan" meant, I just suddenly felt the need to know things about it. It was very random.). It started sort of as a special interest (Maybe autism did influence me more than I thought! Interesting.), and so I would look into a lot of different branches of paganism, focusing most of my research around hellenistic paganism.

A few weeks after this, I had a very interesting experience which I now believe to have been a sign from Freyja (I dont want to go into specifics. It was personal and I want to keep that special to me. I might later, but for now it's just mine. Just know it was a very beautiful thing from her.). DIRECTLY following this event (Maybe an hour or two later), I felt another urge to research things, but this time to be looking into the Norse Gods/Goddesses (which I'd never even heard of at that point.).

At that point I ended up converting to paganism. It was an extremely sudden decision, but it made sense to me.

No matter what religion I had been apart of before, I always felt anxiety and guilt, causing me to try and fix things by becoming excessively religious again in a Christian way. But from the moment I became pagan, I just never had that ever again. It's been the only religion I've ever felt fully safe in.

It's obviously been quite a while since then, and I'm obviously still a Norse Pagan.

Whilst I now love all the gods and goddesses, Freyja will always be especially special to me.

At this point I have worked with: Freyja, Loki, Odin, Beyla, and Njord.

Now, I also think its important to mention another part of my brain that impacts my religious experience: I am in a system.

Nearly all of us identify as Norse Pagans, but we have a few Agnostics as well, a few Eclectic Pagans, an Atheistic Satanist, and a Theistic Satanist.

The primary religious identity within our system is Norse Paganism, with the majority of individuals identifying as followers of this belief system. Due to this, we say we are a Norse Pagan! We are also okay with just being called "Pagan" on it's own, though.

#tw religious trauma #tw religion #tw religious guilt #tw religious mention #religion tw #obsessive compulsive disorder #ocd #actually ocd #religious ocd #norse pagan #eclectic pagan #paganism #theistic satanism

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ppnuggie · 2 years

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Hello, I do hope you'll have a great day! I really like your writing style, it feels fresh and nice! Can I request a oneshot with G1 Astrotrain and his future s/o? S/o has been in love with him for a long time. Being higher and plumper than a usual human, they're afraid Astrotrain may not like them. S/o thinks so much on both why they should and shouldn't confess, that one day they just overwhelm and cry inside the bot. Sorry, I love some hurt/comfort! If that's too specific, you can change it!

　　　　　　ASTROTRAIN x gn human reader

　　　　『　astrotrain ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> messy relationship stuffs w/ astrotrain

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, comfort ,, angst

　　— i didnt make it to where they feel he wont like them for their body type ,, as i try to make my fics as inclusive as possible :D but to where they feel astrotrain wont like them for being human ,, bc he’s a decepticon and theyre more known and prune to hate humans ,, but tysm for requesting ! 🥹 need some astrotrain content in life 🤲 this is quite long so just a fyi !! <33

butterflies always fluttered in your stomach any time he spoke ,, voice unique and different from what you heard before. the mech before you had kept talking about something you werent all that sure ,, too mesmerized by his ruby optics to even think about what he was saying. it was definitely about humans ,, and nothing too good at that.

oh how your heart had wished for him ,, nights wasted pondering about what your relationship with him could look like. yet ,, your heart squeezed tightly every time he belittled your species ,, how he went into detail of how much he despised their existence. it hurt ,, knowing the one you desired so much would never accept you.

it almost brought you to tears ,, focus turning from those deceiving optics and towards his speech and words. he kept on talking about wishing megatron would hurry with destroying the human race. how they dont do anything and definitely dont deserve their lives nor their planet. it wasnt until skywarp had came up to him did he stop his painful speech. you didnt bother to pay attention to skywarp’s message ,, too caught up with trying to blink away tears.

“ really ? fine ,, (y/n) come with me .” the mech grumbled as he glared at skywarp’s form in the distance of the hallway. your head perked up at your name ,, jumping to your feet as you quickly followed astrotrain down the opposite sude of the hall. “ where are we going ,, astro ?” you asked using the nickname you gave him ,, curious to know about the sudden location change.

“ megatron wants me to collect something from the constructicons ,, nothing too special ,,” he huffed and crossed his arms. he muttered something under his breathe ,, catching the words ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ and ‘megatron’ and ‘hate’ from his mumbled speech. you shrugged your shoulders and kept to yourself ,, thoughts retracing to what they were before.

there was a lot of complications. you loved astrotrain ,, so very much you did. yet ,, it wouldnt ever work out between you two. as much as you could fantasize and wish and pray and hope ,, nothing good would come from confessing. there was never a good time ,, the mech seemingly to always be in a horrible mood lately.

as astrotrain transformed you quickly made your way into his alt mode and buckled up ,, blocking out the noise from around you. it wasnt long till you got lost in your mind once again. pondering over the pros and cons and the fake scenarios of you confessing. so much could happen if you were to reveal your true feelings.

curse it all. it certainly wasnt fair. you always wished to be cybertronian ,, hoping that then you would be able to be with your loved one. but you couldnt ,, he wouldnt bare being with a human ,, let alone you. there was so much wrong ,, but as much as you searched for a good outcome you'd never get it. your little scenarios only ending with you dead or heartbroken. you hadnt noticed a tear slip by and roll down your cheek ,, planting itself on one of astrotrain's chairs.

" hey ,, did you spill something on me ?" the mech grumbled ,, already in a bad mood previously. your eyes widened as your hand smudged the tear drop away ,, quickly denying him. " no no ! i didnt !" you dried the wet spot in a rush to prove his accusation wrong. " then what was it that had touched me ?" he huffed ,, flying in a straight line through the clouds. he kept his focus on the direction he was going ,, not really bothering to pay attention inside him.

" nothing ,, it was nothing ,," you reassured ,, voice breaking just the slightest bit as you said that. curses ran through your mind ,, degrading yourself in your own thoughts. " hey ,, are you alright ?" the mech asked ,, suspicion obvious in his voice. " your voice sounded a little strange just now . you better not be sick !" he added on.

" no ! i'm not sick !" you waved your hands in the air ,, your voice caught in your throat as it cracked up a bit more then before. " i'm perfectly fine ,, i promise ." there was a few moments of silence before he huffed again. " i dont believe you ,, im pulling to the side right now and you better tell me whats wrong with you ."

and so he did. just as he had said ,, he changed course from flying in a straight line to readying himself to land. once he made contact with the ground the seatbelt around you unbuckled and the door opened. a sigh fell from your lips ,, complying with the stubborn decepticon and making your way out of his alt mode. he transformed ,, quickly grasping you in his hand gently and holding you up to his face plates.

" now ,, what's wrong ? youve been quite silent since when i first picked you up earlier ." he interrogated you ,, not giving you the moment to answer. " did something happen ? did someone say something ? tell me who it was and ill have a word with them ." he grumbled at the thought of someone even being the slightest bit of rude to you. sure ,, the decepticons werent fond of humans but most the cons enjoyed having you around.

" its nothing ,, i promise astrotrain ,, its not that important ." you kept avoiding his questions ,, not wanting to confess what you were actually thinking about. you were too worried that your scenarios would become reality. the mech pondered a bit ,, thinking over your words and reaction ,, before starting to piece together things.

“ was it ,,” he started out ,, optics looking away for a secokd before returning to your own eyes. “ was it something i did ?” astrotrain couldnt think of anything he might’ve done wrong to upset you. sure ,, he often complained about your species but he never meant any of it towards you. he couldnt bring himself to think badly of you.

the thought of even doing something to cause you emotional pain only bruised his spark. you’d been one of the few who actually saw him for more then another random decepticon ,, as more then a space shuttle or storage unit like the other decepticons had. you actually took the time to talk and listen ,, spend time with him. it felt nice ,, having someone wanting to take their own time and spend it with him.

your breathe hitched in your throat ,, tears brimming your eyes for the third time. “ no ,, it wasn’t anything you’ve done .” you casted your head downwards ,, avoiding his glance towards you. “ then what is it ?” his head tilted to the side in confusion.

“ please tell me ,,” he frowned ,, optics softening upon your form. “ i just want to know ,, (y/n) ,, please tell me whats wrong .” his speech became a bit slower ,, voice lowering as he tried to pry at your invasive thoughts. you ,, on the other hand ,, were sure he would reject you immediately the moment you did tell him. that he’d throw you and leave you here in the middle of nowhere. yet ,, with how soft his voice was ,, you felt you had a small chance. a tiny sliver of hope. that maybe ,, just maybe ,, he’d see you no different or bring you harm.

“ fine ! but ,, just promise me that you wont be upset ,,” your eyes stared into his optics ,, seeking trust and hope in them. he nodded ,, not speaking a word. “ okay ,, well ,,” you didnt know how to word it ,, casting your glance aside once more. “ i kind of like you ,, astrotrain ,, like a lot .” you bit your lip ,, waiting to see if he’d say or do anything ,, yet nothing happened.

“ and i can understand if you dont feel the same ,,” your tears were ready to burst by now ,, the agony awaiting you and your heart pounding heavily. it felt torturous ,, he didnt even say anything or react just yet ,, only urging you to continue. “ and i know that i may be human ,, that you dont like humans ,, but i want you to that i love you. i love you so very much ,, and it hurts to know that you wouldnt feel the same .” a few tears had already slipped down your cheeks ,, voice cracking as you continued.

“ so ,, you can do whatever you want . kill me or leave me out here or something ,, but id rather you know that i cherish you more than anything in this universe . i cherish and love you more than i love my own life . i love you astrotrain ,, i love you a lot .” you finished ,, tears streaming down your face as you refused to look at him. only imagining he’d be looking at you with disgust ,, trying to think of a way to rid of you the quickest.

instead a soft pat to your head was what you had received ,, and his voice speaking up. “ is that true ?” he asked ,, watching as you lifted your head. he could see the pain in your eyes ,, the sorrow they held. a small nod was all you gave him ,, not bothering to do anymore then just that. his mouth dropped just a bit ,, before turning into a soft smile.

“ dry your eyes ,, little one ,, i wont be harming you nor abandoning you here . you wont have to worry about that ,,” he brought you closer to his faceplate. he gave you a soft kiss ontop of your head ,, optics full and heavy with adoration. “ there is no need for all this . im happy to hear you feel the same as i do ,,” he gazed down at you.

you were left flabbergasted ,, the small sliver of hope had sought to be true. your hands smudged against your eyes ,, drying yourself as you returned the smile to the mech. “ you feel that same ?”

“ i have for a couple of your earth months . just because you happen to be human never changed my feelings for you ,,” he replied as he set you down on a platform. he quickly mass displaced himself and brought his arms around you ,, pulling you into a tight hug. “ i never would’ve thought id get to see the day where you’d be in my arms ,, and yet primus grants me such a gift .” he whispered ,, frame warm as you kept your arms tight around him.

the panic you felt earlier replaced itself with relief ,, happy to know that those scenarios never became reality. the mech pulled away for a moment ,, optics taking in your features before grasping ahold of your face with his servos. he gently brought the two of you together ,, planting a kiss upon your lips.

#transformers x reader #x reader #x gender neutral reader #🌄.g1 #g1 x reader #transformers generation one #transformers g1 #x gn reader #astrotrain x reader #transformers astrotrain #g1 astrotrain #🌄.astrotrain

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leechs · 10 months

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today/this week was going so good...until it wasnt...and now im freaking out...but im not saying specifics bc i dont wanna manifest a bad outcome so yall just pray for me good vibes all my way etc etc etc...god...

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floshav · 2 years

Text

nerdy!draco malfoy x fem!reader

are you alright? pt. 1

a touch of angst

fluffy goodness

sad reader

concerned draco

1,477 words

this is not exactly canon draco? maybe some aspects but yeah basically him but nerdy and awkward cuz i find that hot 😭 (this is my first ever fanfic on here so be kind aha) i hope you enjoy!

y/n rubbed her eyes open to be met with darkness still casted over her room. She expected it to be bright out by now but she quickly realised it was one of those days where she might’ve had a lil bit too much of coffee than she shouldve.

Despite needing the rest, she was glad she drank that extra cup of coffee because she couldn’t bare falling asleep again. the feeling of cold sweat trickling down her body and that aching sensation in her head but especially since sleep was always just another way of transport into the hellish nightmares she was experiencing lately.

She tumbled around in the dark over a few things, sharp and blunt while trying to get herself composed for the day that was to begin in… ah yes another 4 hours. She wasn’t the type to laze around because it would always end up with her getting anxious or stressed that she wouldn’t have enough time to do a certain thing, so with that she immediately “accio’d” her clothing and put them on while patting herself down. She didn’t bother to shower considering it was winter and she didn’t really care about what others thought of her odour anyway.

Stacked on the side of her desk was a pile of old books gathered from the library which have been worn out to a concerning degree. She decided it would be good to catch up on some work before one of Snapes potion classes because she hated the idea of getting humiliated in front of everyone just for some unfinished questions she forgot to line on her parchment (a very specific event if i may add).

Just as the ink touched her paper for the 2nd time, she remembered. She remembered how awful today was going to be, not because she had an insufficiency of friends or that her days were always just methodically lonely but because today was the start of letter week.

Letter week was basically another way of smacking y/n in the face with a “Hey! You’re lonely, come look at other people thrive in the departments of love and friendship!!” by the exchange of letters between two anonymous students. Sure y/n didn’t mind it, but being in a room filled with love struck teens definitely didn’t make it easy for her.

She would always hear some reading their letters aloud or shoving their letters in her face even if she refused to look at them, she would still be forced to read them or a hex would come her way. She couldn’t do anything about the bullying because there was always something her classmates would use as blackmail against y/n.

Suddenly y/n felt a giant slam on her desk making her and the books slightly jolt from the desk for a mere millisecond.

“Look who we have here.. Trying to drown your sorrows with studying are we? Because you aren’t good at anything else? Or maybe it’s because you’re so unlikeable that you cant pull anyone during letters wee-“ Y/n heard the voice of a fimiliar yet annoying siren which made her want to turn her body inside out. It was of course from one of her roommates. She didn’t even bother to hear the rest of the incredulous insult before storming out the door glad she got ready early.

The hallways were empty and filled with moonlight draping across the floors lighting up the light dust particles which floated around effortlessly throughout the corridor.

She felt hot tears trickle down her red cheeks as she tried to contain herself from loosing all senses. But it was no use, her vision was too blurry that it was hard to make out what she was about to bump into.

she just prayed and hoped it was a professor, even a wall seemed welcoming at the moment. Just anything but getting caught by a prefect this early in the dawn.

Just as she was hoping so hard it wasnt someone, she bumped into a pale looking boy who had been holding a lamp lit up by a soft fire which danced around in the holder.

“Excuse me? What are you doing this early in the corridors?” The soft yet smooth voice inquired now having a concerned yet irritated look in his face.

“i could ask the same to you too Malfoy.” she spat now looking at the last person she would want to bump into, even mr filch was looking right about better at this point.

“I’m a prefect.” He spat back softly whilst visibly clutching onto the lamp ever so slightly harder that his knuckles turned white.

“Oh yea.. you’re one of those.” she utters back just above a whisper while rolling her dark eyes.

“You still haven’t answered my question on why you’re here.” he spits back annoyed with a blank yet suave expression.

“Well i- uhm- “ she takes a deep breath to compose herself under his stare before continuing “I’m on an early mornin stroll ya see.” she says ecstatically while looking around the corridors trying to avoid eye contact.

“Mhm… Sure.” he says in a fake skeptical voice obviously knowing that’s not what you’re here for.

“Darcy giving you a hard time again? You know i can just talk to he-“ Before he could finish that sentence, she cuts him off.

“No! i-it’s not Darcy. Why would you think it’s darcy anyway? That stupid little bit-“ She cut herself off with a breath before she could rant about how annoying she was for decades.

“The last time your roommates gave you problems i found you walking down this exact same hallway.. except it wasn’t before school hours because you were a goody two shoes back then.. apparently. Oh and you had that exact expression.” He says matter of factly while staring her dead in the eyes. If looks could kill, she would definitely be dead with several markings on the floor.

“What expression? And i was never a goody two shoes for your information.” She says with an annoyed tone while emphasising the very last part of her sentence.

“That- i don’t know… That sad hopeless tear trembling face like you just got bullied into oblivion. Oh, and you look quite petty and lonely.” He chuckled before swinging his arm over her shoulder

she jumped slightly at the contact of his long slender fingers that were loosely hung onto the side of her shoulder. she would most definitely be lying if she said she's never thought about those fingers before.

"So what was it about this time?" draco asks slyly while walking y/n down the corridor.

"What do you mean?" she asks in an inquisitive tone.

"You know, the reason they bullied you this time.." he said now making it to the moving staircases "Oh and watch your step you dont want to fall down here again.. last time you did it was a nightmar-"

before he could finish that sentence y/n abrubtly changed the subject. "Shut up, and also it was about letter week this time." she says while woefully looking down at her shoes.

"Im surprised darcy and her rats even get an exchange of letters for letter week." Draco remarks annoyed.

"Who would even be surprised? Their like the prettiest girls here. Im surprised you havent gotten with darcy yet.. considering her many mesirable attempts at getting with you." Y/n says with slight admiration for draco, in his ability to decline THE darcy, the most yearned for girl in school.

"Shes not all that you know.. i myself find her quite.. bland and boring. No offence to Darcy though, I guess i just have a completely different idea of what pretty is then." He says exasperatedly like he's explained this a million times to y/n.

They now have found themselves at the bottom of the moving staircase, stood still like untouched waters waiting for the next ripple.

"So.. where to now my little juvenile. I should really be sending you back to your dorm you know. You should repay me for my dastardly! rule breaking!.. just for you~." Draco says dramatically while running his fingers through his silver locks.

"Oh shut your trap you old lad." she spits back in the same tone while a smile shines upon her lips.

"Ah.. thats more like it m'lady. Glad i could let those teeth break free again." He says now pulling her hand into an unknown direction.

"Draco slow down! we're going to get caught you fool!" Y/n says in adrenaline as the sound of their footsteps echo the halls.

And... y/n was right. They did get caught by the worst person to get caught by. Snape.

"Now to what delight do i have to see... Draco.. and one of his.. friends in the hallways at 5AM." He slurs while eyeing y/n up and down.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED PART 1!!!! if this does okay, ill put up part 2.. but if it doesnt.. then i guess we'll never know.

~floshav

#harry potter fanfic #draco malfoy #draco x reader #angst #hogwarts #harry potter #oneshot #fluff #heartbreak #nerdydraco

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straycalamities · 9 months

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no for real the onceler fandom when i was a huge part of it (2015/2016) was so fuckin toxic half the people left bc everyone was praising one or two blogs and acting like everyone else was dirt. it was super discouraging and i ran about 3 blogs and the only interactions i ever got was from people starting drama :(

im not sure what the askblog scene looks like today but im HOPING and PRAYING its better

eughh im sorry that sounds like absolute hell...i barely dipped my toes in because i was recovering from Stuff (stuff that took me to this year to get over enough to even make another personal blog) so i wasnt Too up-to-date with what was going on in the fandom from 2015 tooo 2019?ish? even if i popped in on entre's blog time to time, but i've heard stuff from others and friends

i think the askblog scene is A LOT more chill these days. a lot more lax and there's sooo much just...Less of everything that it makes things easier to like take in stride at least to me compared to 2012-2014 days where everything was so intense, extreme, and constant

there's still the like ghosts of the same issues that've been present since day one but its like...on a MUCH lesser scale. i honestly think it's pretty good all things considered :) the only thing that makes it rly hard for me compared to past eras is how split the fandom is uhhh app/site-wise (like its very much spread across tiktok, tumblr, twitter, discord, maybe more...idk) and so it feels like im missing out if i dont keep up everywhere LMAO and each location comes with its own issues either population-wise or site/app-wise

i miss how centralized it used to be to tumblr u_u and obviously having more content to look at back in the day, i got very spoiled on it so when i peruse the fandom content its like a lot less to look at but thats honestly GOOD FOR ME BC I HAVE NO TIME NOW LMAOOOO but its just like strange bc im like woah i dont have to scroll for an hour on entres dash anymore to catch up

well i do, but that's bc i have no time to check it on work days and so it piles up for when i do sit and take the time. cant imagine the hell i'd be in if it was 2012-era activity

ppl who had full-time jobs in the fandom in 2012 damn...i salute you.

unfortunately with a fandom as niche as this, it kinda cooks up the same issues over and over again and it makes me wish there was some sort of disclaimer that popped up as soon as you wanted to join the fandom to give you a rundown on how the culture is, who the people are, what the past drama was (so dont bring it up again), and all that LMFAO like a onceler fandom 101 that was just beamed into your device when you were like hmm what if i joined the onceler fandom LMAO

i kinda wanna do something like that specifically for askblogs? like a dos and donts. or "things i wish i knew when i started an askblog" type of thing but alas..no time. bc i see other mods go through the same obstacles/difficulties i went through and learned to either change my thinking on, or something else to either help me get past it/over it or at least cope better and id wanna pass that on if the fandoms gonna keep getting revived every two or so years and then cave in on itself from the same rehashed drama/problems it always has :sob emoji:

#asks #Anonymous

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kurgy · 1 year

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i know nothing about bnha other than what my bf has told me. didnt endevour leave dabi for dead? like assuming he wasnt strong enough? how do ppl like him.

you've activated blorbo brain I apologize in advance

so Endeavor and his wife Rei had 4 children, Endeavor only got married to Rei specifically and had children because he wanted to create a child with the "perfect quirk" to fulfill his dream of surpassing the number 1 hero, All Might, Endeavor being the number 2 hero. even in universe, this practice is highly controversial for pretty obvious eugenics reasons

Touya/Dabi was his first attempt

Touya was born with a fire quirk, like his father, except it was much stronger than Endeavors. even though he didn't get a child with fire and ice like he wanted, Endeavor was certain that Touya was perfect for fulfilling his dream.

shortly after Touya was born they had a daughter, Fuyumi, who only had ice, and was immediately not up to Endeavors standards, I don't think Endeavor even knew she lived there

then they had Natsuo, who I believe also had ice? idk but same thing with Fuyumi happened here

Touya's flames were very strong, but soon they started to hurt and burn him. most fire users have a natural immunity to fire. Touya however, didn't. he has a much stronger immunity to ice

Touya's entire life revolved around Endeavor and getting his praise. He started training Touya for combat at age 5, specifically showing him to burn hotter. he loved his dad, and in his own words "wanted to make him happy" but when his flames began seriously hurting him, Endeavor concluded he was incapable of fulfilling his dream

so they had their 4th child, Shoto, who was born with the perfect quirk of fire and ice that Endeavor wanted, and Touya, who lived his whole life training for Endeavor, being the center of some...very unhealthy and dangerous attention, was fully replaced with Shoto, who was "perfect"

mentally, Touya already wasn't doing well with the pressure of Endeavors dream, the training, and the burns, but once he realizes he essentially lost all purpose for living, deemed a "failure" his mental state began spiraling further downward. verbally lashing out, burning himself, and pulling out his hair, training in secret because he's still trying to win Endeavors approval, were all very blatant signs this 13 year old needed help, and nobody did anything

it got to a point where in a fit of mania and emotional uncertainty, Touya cries and begs Endeavor to see what he can do with his flames to prove his birth wasn't a mistake, something Endeavor rejects, causing Touya to lashes out and direct that anger at his baby brother, which Endeavor puts a stop to very quick. possibly not in the best way

Touya regrets this, and later asks Endeavor to meet him on Sekoto peak, in the mountains where Touya trains, to see what he's accomplished.

so Touya waits there, and Endeavor never comes. In his unstable emotional and mental state he lashes out with fire, burning himself and igniting a forest fire where Touya burned alive

the only thing authorities found were a damaged jaw bone, concluding that Touya must have died in the fire

Endeavor blames Rei for this

but he didn't die! AFO (the main 100 year old antagonist) finds him, literally burned to a crisp and dying, and takes him back to his weird backup child facility where they reconstruct his body and he lays comatose for 3 years.

when he wakes up, he insists to go home and apologize to his family and show his dad his power

they explain hes been asleep for 3 years, that his family moved on, and that with his quirk being so unpredictable, doesn't have much longer to live

hes 16-17 at this point, and after being denied the ability to go home, breaks out and runs back home anyway

he makes it, walks inside, and finds Endeavor training Shoto the same way he trained him, that even his "death" couldn't break the cycle of abuse, and just snaps.

Touya prays at his own alter, and adopts the name Dabi before fucking off for about a decade

no one knows where he was or what he was doing during this time

then he comes back specifically to ruin Endeavors life and career

so, how do people like Endeavor? easy! he felt kinda bad about all of it once his kids were old enough to fight back and bnha fans love worshipping abusive dudes that do the bare minimum like they're gods

#blorbo posting

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honeybyte · 8 months

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I want to hear about your villainous children!

YES 🎉

okay so the overall: this is a crew of treasure hunters. they'll raid anything from dig sites to cargo vans, trying to find Anything that'll sell for good money. they're not abt quick cash, they'll throw themselves into high risk situations and/or sit on loot for higher pay. they can't be bought either, they work for themselves and anyone trying to buy their services are setting foot in very dangerous territory. this is bc this group is willing to brute force their way thru any situation and dont much care abt collateral damage.

this is basically a pack of wild dogs, if we're honest

Jude, "Mama", is the matriarch of the crew. She's the twins' savior, and for all intents and purposes she's their mother. she's soft spoken, doesnt participate much in thr festivities, but the rest are fiercely protective of her so no harm has ever come to her on a raid. she's a religious woman and prays for her found family and those that fall to them, but sees no rhyme or reason in trying to stop them from doing what they want.

Julia and Angelo are twins and the uncontested heads of the crew, Julia specifically being refered to as "king". The two are protective and loving of their crew and consider them their family.

Angelo is the crew beauty but he's not afraid to get his hands dirty, preferring to use a crowbar when he can get his hands on one. he's also skilled w forgery ;)

Julia takes the role of Guardian and has the highest kill count in the crew; he uses a pair of gloves he calls "bear paws" due to their dark leather and silver claws. he's a skilled brawler but is plagued by an intense paranoia. this coupled w his already rocky mental state means he's hysterical, his brain is practically on fire.

Jack is the resident encyclopedia; their specialty is researching raids, loot, anything that can help run ops and sell what they haul in afterwards. they were pulled out of the snow abt 10 years ago and woke up in Mama's cabin w a pair of twins looking after them, and have since decided that they'd stake their life on those folks. they also take a kind of mentor role over mitch when it comes on board, making sure it knows roles and rules so it doesnt get hurt.

Mitch is the rookie and it's the only one who wasnt obviously saved by one of the crew to join; rather, it managed the impossible and pulled a draw in a fight to the death w Julia. Julia found a sort of respect in this and decided to pull Mitch into the group rather make an enemy out of it. Jack's esp fond of it, and it's been teaching them knife tricks.

Funnily enough, this isnt a particularly dysfunctional family: its very caring and open amongst each other. there's no hierarchy and its common practice to check in w each other's mental state or whether a reaction/feeling is rational. there's squabbles like any family has, but largely having defined roles and rules w a reason within the group helps to sort out most disputes.

#ask #ocs #the hunt #YOU ASKED I ANSWERED. I HAVE A WHOLE FAMILY IN MY BRAIN

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