#i'm answering this a month after you sent it so based on my time management skills and atrocious memory i think i'd stand a good chance

[hopeinthebox]

Lizzy for next prime minister? get the queen on the phone i’ll handle the rest

skdjfhfbbsjsjs KAYLA

#disclaimer: i'd like to make it clear that kayla was referring to ME here and not pm candidate liz truss #[saying this. she casually threw aside a large rock] #KAYLA THIS GOT BURIED IN MY DRAFTS I'M SO SORRY #i do hope you haven't changed your mind #objectively a terrible idea but i do appreciate the sentiment #i'm working on it anyhow #how hard can it be? #i'm answering this a month after you sent it so based on my time management skills and atrocious memory i think i'd stand a good chance #christ. they're really running this country on vibes alone right now #ask #cordiallyfuturedwight #💜💜💜 #ilysm please forgive me #pretending you sent this after jitb tfln vol.2 instead <33 for my conscience <33 #a conscience? fuck i'm out of the running *ba dum tss*

[romanoffsbish]

Clandestine Meetings

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!R

Prompts / Request

 “Go and lock the door for me.  I don’t want anyone to walk in while I’m balls deep.”

 “Go get one of your toys.  Let’s make this even better.”

“Is that gonna fit?”  “I’ll make it fit.”

Warnings: Jealousy, Emotionally Stunted Natasha

Smut: Natasha has a penis, Daddy(N), Detka/Whore(R), Nipple Clamps, Vibrating Egg, Oral(R), Unprotected Sex/Breeding, Choking, Edging/Teasing, Orgasm Denial.

18+ | Minors DNI

"I want love Nat, you just want a quick fuck."

The words you whispered to her over a month ago have been bouncing around her mind the entire time, plaguing her very soul. It got to the point where while away on her mission she couldn't even focus on the objective anymore.

Who were you to just come to a conclusion like that without so much as a conversation?

——

Not a, "Nat, we need to talk," or a "I'm not sure we want the same things Nat, correct me if I'm wrong here," and she would've corrected you. Because you were so far off base, all Natasha wanted was to love you, she just didn't know how to do that outside of worshipping you in deeply passionate moments that usually ended just as fast as they began, and left you alone.

Now here you lay on the compounds couch in your sleep shorts, a sight the redhead would love to see every morning in her own room. Waking up beside you would be a dream new experience, potentially challenging, but she knows that she'd grow to love the situation.

Natasha already loved you—desperately so.

The only obstacle here had been her inability to make her loving intentions clear to you. She'd always been a bit more on the vulgar side, and you seemed into it for awhile, but one random night you shoved her away and that was just it.

As soon as she figured herself out, she was going to make things right with you. But there was apparently a new obstacle, because right now your head was settled into another's lap.  Carol was listening to you ramble on while mindlessly stroking your cheek. Natasha envied the blonde's ability to offer such an intimate moment without any real effort.

When she saw how much the woman enjoyed your presence she felt her heart shattering into tiny, jagged pieces. With her jaw clenched she rushed out of the kitchen and went straight to her room where she allowed a stray tear to fall. Then she reached for her phone, and sent you a text message: Meet me in my room in 5 !

Carol smiled down at you knowingly when she heard the ding of your phone, "I told you to go after her Y/N, she didn't seem very pleased."

"Yeah, and I don't give a fuck," you huffed, arms crossing over your chest, and the blonde cackled wildly at the sign of faux indifference before she returned to a more serious state.

"Y/N, ever since she's been gone all you've done is mope around this place, but oh look, the day she's back you suddenly appear before me with a sunny disposition and expect me not to see right through it? Answer her text and maybe even go get laid, you're insufferable."

"Carol," you groaned, hands flying to your face to hide the mortification in your eyes at the brutal call out, "She doesn't want me," you pouted, "at least not in the way I want her to."

"Did she say that?" Carol asks while lazily drawing circles on your shoulder to calm you.

"She didn't have to say it out loud..."

"Oh Y/N," she tilted your head so you would be facing her, she caressed your cheek then spoke, "Natasha isn't exactly known for expressing her feelings in ways that make sense, so how about you put your big girl pants on, and force her to say the words she couldn't manage to before."

You huffed while glaring up at her, knowing she was right, but in the same breath you snatched your phone up, and read the message while rolling your eyes, a bitter chuckle leaving you as you saw the song that happened to have been softly playing at the time of arrival.

After a moment of soul searching you took off to her bedroom in a frenzied ball of nerves. Entering her space felt both comfortingly familiar, and extremely uneasy. Seeing her sat on the bed in sweats with her legs manspread, leaning back on her exposed muscular arms as she wore a cami without a bra you felt your body tingle with need, and your mouth go dry.

With a sly smirk, and a crook of her finger you made your way further into the room, but she left you to be blanketed in an awkward silence. It was clear she didn't actually expect you to be here, and now that you were she was weighing out her options, but just like usual, she was not able to articulate the right words like: I missed you, I love you, or please, don't leave again...

"Go and lock the door for me. I don't want anyone to walk in while I'm balls deep," the redhead commanded dryly, and though the thought of her inside you alone nearly brought you to your knees, you rolled your eyes instead and went to hurriedly walk away again.

Natasha ran after you, catching you by the wrist to prevent you from leaving, "Y/N, stop doing this okay," she pinched the bridge of her nose, and softly sighed, "I don't know how to do all of this, vulnerability isn't my strong suit, okay? Just let me show you instead..."

You furrowed your brows, and she sighed exasperatedly, "Give me a chance, please."

Saying no to her would be in vain, because it was all you wanted to finally be beneath her, so you nodded without really much hesitation.

Natasha leaned in to kiss you, the first time in your whole arrangement that she'd done it with any semblance of care present. Normally it's all teeth clashing, and tongues sloppily gliding over the other while she brought you to bliss.

Up until now Natasha has only ever offered you quick moments, with only her hands or mouth diligently bringing you over that glorious edge. Never had she actually shown you tenderness, but more importantly, she had yet to fuck you with the bulge poking you through her pants.

Natasha wasn't ready to give you all of her, it was actually something she'd never done with another person that she loved before. She's screwed girls before, usually as a means to an end, with their faces smushed into a mattress, but she couldn't bring herself to do it with you. No matter how desperate she was for release after hearing and seeing you come undone for her, or how prettily you'd beg to help her out each time, she just couldn't cross that line.

But now, she knew it was all she could do to make sure you understand, that you feel her in every sense possible, and feel her love for you.

"Na-Natasha," breathlessly you stuttered out her name as your hips reflexively canted into hers, "I need you daddy, please, fill me up."

Natasha groaned, pulling away from your lips she smirked devilishly, you could see the flicker of mischief in her gaze as she leaned down to suck a mark onto your smooth skin, "Go get one of your toys. Let's make this even better."

The knob twisted in her hands this time, she watched in amusement as you scurried across the hall to your room in your mussed up state.

"Look at how desperate you already are detka," she slammed you back into the door as soon as you crossed the threshold, the door slammed close with the impact and you moaned weakly.

Surveying the items in your hands she softly chuckled, "Oh, you're in for it now Y/N, gonna give you all of me so you can finally understand what my true intentions with you are."

This time when she kissed you it was with a bit of urgency, her hands contrastingly gripped your hips softly, and without ever breaking the kiss she walked your body over to the mattress. Natasha lowered you down gently, and as she rose back up she collected the nipple clamps and the vibrating bullet from your hands.

"May I?" Natasha gestured to your body, and you smiled gratefully, no matter how quickly she usually took you, she'd always been keen on hearing consent. "Please, do it already."

The sleep clothes were quickly discarded, and her lips latched onto your risen buds instantly. Her tongue rolled around your nipple slowly, causing your breath to shallow as you were overrun with pleasurable anticipation. After a moment she released your nipple with a pop, giving you only seconds to adjust to the chill on your wetted skin before she attached a clamp.

Natasha caught your hand before it could mindlessly tug the clamp off, "It's okay detka," she shushed you softly, tenderly smiling down at you as she slid her fingers between yours, "You're okay," she gently brushed her lips over your knuckles before laying your interlocked hands on top of the mattress. A whimper left you as you were overrun with a overdue sense of comfort from her, then you were moaning when her lips returned to your heated skin.

"I'm going to ruin you Y/N," she growled around your other nipple before she bit into the hypersensitive skin, "No one will ever touch you again after I leave a mark on what's mine."

"Say it," she growled as she hovered over you, but before you could even try she was clamping your sore bud, effectively making you wince.

"Oh shit," you gasped when she gave the chain a harsh tugging to ensure it was properly attached, the accompanying pain was dizzying.

"I asked you to say something," she leered over you, hand now wrapped around your throat in a way that not only intimidated you but left you absolutely dripping onto her expensive sheets.

Natasha watched your brainless eyes searching for a response, it took you a minute, but you were finally about to open your mouth, but all that came out was a lewd moan as she pressed the vibrating egg into your slicked up cunt.

"Come on now detka, you know I don't like to be made to wait," she tightened her hand around your throat, something that only ever adds to your pleasure, and she knew that, it was honestly her favorite, slowly draining the life from you as she brought your body to euphoria, only to spare you in the last second.

She was a bit of a sadist. You didn't mind...

Something about that control was exhilarating, seeing your eyes grow hazier with every second as you harshly choked never failed to make her cock twitch. Maybe it was the underlying way in which you trusted her to never go too far, it had her overwhelmed with unwavering joy.

After allowing you a moment of pure bliss she deemed it enough, so she tore it away from you, ripping the vibe out of you and watching in amusement as your eyes filled with tears, and your lip was now caught between your teeth, "Daddy no, please, I-I was so close."

Your whimpering always affected her greatly, she gets off to the memory of you begging all the time, so it's no surprise to her that her cock was painfully straining against her boxers.

"Whores that forgot how to speak don't get to cum!" Natasha spat, the underlying tone full of pain telling you she meant more than in this moment, your constant distancing hurt her.

"Natty," you tried to apologize, but she only grew angrier, her hand harshly gripped your face, and she hovered over you with a furious gaze, you hated to admit it but it sent a pang of arousal down to your already dripping cunt, "That's not my fucking name slut, try again."

"Daddy," you whimpered, and she softened momentarily as she leaned in to kiss your lips, "Better, but I no longer want to hear you, so lets shut that pretty brain of yours off," she pecked your lips once more before her lips trailed down your body in quick succession.

The sound of buzzing as she now faced your cunt left you with widened eyes, this new dynamic was throwing you off honestly. So used to a quick release this newfound joy of hers spurring from teasing you was alarming. You began to wonder if the loveless sex was better, but deep down you knew it wasn't, especially when she edged you so deliciously.

Natasha held the vibe just out of reach of your clit, a test of sorts that she wanted you to fail. "Daddy's gonna get a taste now detka," she murmured against the lush skin of your thighs as she moved to further mark her territory.

After minutes of torture, where she barely swiveled the egg over your bundle of nerves you finally caved and canted your hips up. Natasha bit harshly into your thigh, blaming you for moving as she moved to hover over your face, "There's a time and a place for your pleasure, and this isn't it, now stay still Y/N!"

"Sorry daddy," you sniffled wetly, drawing her back out of her lust driven haze, and the sight of you so broken was honestly picturesque, it brought a lopsided smirk to her plump lips.

Natasha usually moved only to please you, but in this moment, she wanted you desperate. So needy, hopelessly dependent upon her touch, this way you'll never look for anyone else again. Looking into your eyes now she saw that was already your truth, you were so lost in the pleasure that she was hardly giving, "It's okay detka, you know daddy will take care of you."

Natasha kissed you until you were breathless, then when you were reduced to a heaving mess she returned to your thighs, she placed a few soft kisses there before finally diving into you.

With the vibrator pressed firmly into your clit, and her tongue deep inside you it was all you could do to make a mess of her face, a scream of pleasure echoed off her walls, and Natasha pulled back with an accomplished smile. The sight of her as your slick was dripping down her chin made your body shiver, that unraveled coil started to retighten, and your hazy eyes slammed shut as you tried to calm down.

Natasha teasingly rutted her hips into yours, you could feel her straining against her boxers when she stilled, and you couldn't help but to squirm when she made no move to fuck you.

Natasha chuckled as she felt your desperation, she softly continued to push her sizable bulge down against your slit, the irritating fabric separating your sexes actually brought you a slice of pleasure when it grazed over your clit. It would never be enough though, your hips began to jerk up to meet hers, desperation fueling you, and Natasha could feel it wholly.

She truly loved teasing you, feeling the way your aromatic slick soaked through her boxers, it only became too much for her once you were whining pitifully in her ear, making her twitch without reprieve, so without much warning she jumped up, leaving you to cry at the loss of friction, but the protests died on your tongue when you saw her dick spring free, it was huge.

"Is that gonna fit?" you visibly gulped, wide eyes watching as the tip of her cock hit her abdomen as she slowly sauntered over to you with an obnoxiously hot smirk overtaking her face as she hovered over you, "I'll make it fit."

Her lips pressed to yours, instinctually yours parted, Natasha's tongue slid into your mouth as her tip pushed passed your entrance, and you latched onto her tongue as you moaned. A shiver ran down the redheads spine when your walls simultaneously squeezed her thick shaft making it near impossible for her to fill you up.

The way that your warmth enveloped her cock made her fearful that she'd bust without even thrusting as she bottomed out, "Fuck, you feel so good Y/N, you're taking me so well detka."

Her hand sought yours out for grounding, and when you felt her interlock her fingers with yours again your eyes fluttered open to see her deepened green pair staring back into yours. The eye contact was intense, and arousing, but incredibly hard to keep when you felt her begin to thrust slowly, and relatively deeply into you.

"Keep em open," Natasha panted, your eyes slowly fluttered back open, fighting against the insurmountable pleasure, "Wanna see you."

It was a struggle, but you somehow managed to keep your eyes partially open for the ferocious women pounding into you with strong hips. The brutal pace she set was building you up quick, you never knew how much you needed her until now, she felt too good, the way she stretched you out left you gasping, and with every thrust her bulbous tip drove you wild.

With her hand in yours, and eyes locked you were overwhelmed by a love you were truly convinced didn't exist. The one that pulsed inside you the closer she got to her release, the love she needed verbally reciprocated to finish, "Say it detka," Natasha whispered breathlessly just as she twitched inside of you, "Please..."

"I'm yours Nat," you dopily confirmed with an amused tone, the moment was however short lived as a scream was torn from your throat, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as she let go inside of you, hot spurts of white filled your womb to the brim, and your body trembled without reprieve. "I-I need you Y/N, please don't leave me again, I'll do better..."

"Nat," you managed to squeak out her name in between your pants, "If you don't run, I won't."

"I'll never run again detka," she pressed her lips to your cheek, then trailed them down until she was resting in the crook of your neck, "I promise, we'll learn how to love together."

"Oh, I know how to love," you teased with a deliberate clenching of your walls, "Shit Y/N."

You flipped your positions before she could even recover, harshly grinding down against her as you did, did the trick when you could feel the way her cock hardened once more.

"It's my turn to show you," you winked, and the redhead smirked, a long drawn out sigh leaving her lips as you began to grind down into her.

———

3,075 Words

❤️ Kaitlyn 😏

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff pov #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha x you #natasha x fem!reader #gxg #black widow #black widow smut

[mynahx3]

One Moment Was All It Took Part 2

Here’s the part 2 of Soulmate Gojo based off of @envy-of-the-apple HC !!! Prob gonna have like 6 parts ngl lolol Hope everyone enjoys, might be able to get part 3 out by Mon if my schedule remains open.  Warning this chapter has non con touching, drugging, kidnapping, fighting w/ mentions of blood!! If this disturbs you please don’t read Next part with prob be spicy Masterlist

A couple weeks  have passed since that cafe incident, and it completely slipped your mind—something you laughed about with your fiance when you got home that day. He wasn't very amused, but you brushed it off as just a strange encounter. Your mind was preoccupied with the upcoming wedding in the coming months. The colorful sticky notes with wedding tasks covered the calendar on your fridge, each one a reminder of the preparations ahead, and a sense of giddiness filled you whenever you glanced at the detailed schedule.

You sit perched on a stool in your cozy kitchen, meticulously reviewing wedding preparations on your laptop. Your eyes stung slightly as you read the screen, a frown evident on your face, longing for your fiance's presence to assist you. He had to attend a sudden business trip that took him out of the country.

It was good news, meaning his boss began to trust him with more responsibilities, but it also meant you were left to handle the wedding planning on your own for the time being. You were pleased to see him advancing in his career, yet you also felt somewhat overwhelmed by the additional responsibilities you had to manage.

After stretching, you stand up to take a break when the doorbell rings. Confusion overwhelms you as you approach the door, peering through the peephole to find nobody there. You open the door, keeping the chain attached as you look around. No one was there. While closing the door, you notice a vase filled with beautiful flowers on your welcome mat. A smile blooms on your face at the sight of the flowers, and you bring them into your apartment.

The flowers looked expensive in a beautiful crystal vase with a note attached to the neck of it, trimmed with gold. It reads, "Thinking of you always, even from afar. S." Your heart swells with warmth as you assume it was your fiance's thoughtful gesture. Pulling out your phone, you decide to call them and thank them for the surprise. The line rings for a few seconds before he answers, his voice happy and excited to hear from you. Noise in the background, likely from his busy office.

"Well, aren't you the romantic?" You say this, admiring the flowers sitting in front of you. A bright smile on your face as you hold your phone to your ear.

"What did I do this time?" He asked with a laugh, not understanding what you meant. You chuckle at his confusion, feeling even more grateful for his thoughtfulness.

"The flowers you sent, silly," you reply, feeling the softness of the petals on your fingertips. "Thank you, baby."

The line is silent—so silent that you think the phone dropped. Just as you were about to hang up and call back, he spoke.

"Honey… I didn't send you anything." Your smile fades at his words, your heart sinking as you wonder who could have possibly sent such a thoughtful gift.

"I'm… I'm sure the delivery person just got the wrong apartment." You shrug, looking around it to see if there was anything else written on the card—the only piece of paper on it.

Turning it over, your heart drops, and you see your name written in the golden ink with a heart next to it. You feel a shiver run down your spine at the implications, but you choose to keep it to yourself. Not wanting to ruin his mood and throw him off during such an important meeting.

"I'll just ask the front desk if anyone asks about them; I'd hate for whoever sent them to be mad that it went to the wrong person." You laugh as you crumble the card up in your hand.

"Now I feel bad I didn't get that idea." Your fiance' laughs, your nerves easing a little at the sound. "Promise I'll do something way better, sweet cheeks."

The corny nickname makes you laugh and roll your eyes. Since your high school days, he had always been cheesy and overly romantic, qualities you cherished. In the years that you supported one another, you both experienced a great deal. Despite the difficulties, you both emerged stronger after transitioning from broke college students to starting careers together in Japan. At times, he couldn't express his love in the most conventional ways, but his efforts were always genuine and appreciated.

"I got to go, babe. Another meeting is about to start." He sighed, his coworkers shouting his name over the phone. "I love you; I'll be home in a few weeks."

"I love you too." You smile happily, hearing him give you kisses through the receiver before hanging up.

You're left to your own thoughts, the vase sitting pretty in front of you. Mind trying to figure out who must have sent them. Being the taken woman you were, you couldn't figure out who must have sent them, if not your fiance'. The mystery sender lingered in your mind for a bit. But you brush it off, moving on with your day, thinking maybe a family member or friend sent them. Going on with the rest of your day, a day filled with phone calls and scheduling, you forget about the bouquet sitting on your counter.

The flowers should have been the first clue, a warning sign of what was to come. Over time, you begin to feel uneasy, feeling constantly watched. Small things in your apartment were moved or went missing—things you know you didn't touch before leaving. Additional gifts mysteriously appeared on your doorstep, each accompanied by intricately detailed notes, intensifying in their personal nature.

Fury consumed you as you unwrapped another package, revealing a set of lacy lingerie in your size and favorite color. A note with it, written in the familiar handwriting, simply said, "For our special night." The realization hits you like a ton of bricks: someone has been in your home, watching your every move. Fear grips you as you realize the extent of the intrusion into your personal space. You burned that gift without a second thought; any other gift was sent to the trash.

Your nights were restless, alone in your apartment—or at least, you hoped you were alone. The feeling of being watched grew stronger, causing you to constantly look over your shoulder. You couldn't shake the feeling that someone was always nearby, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal themselves. The once innocent gifts and flowers now felt like a sinister presence in your life, leaving you on edge and paranoid. You had even gone to the police, informing them what was happening, but they said they couldn't do anything without concrete evidence of a threat. This only added to your growing sense of dread.

Walking home from lunch with your friends, you decided to detour to a park, needing a moment of solitude. Sitting on a bench, cherry blossoms fall around you, their delicate petals drifting to the ground like whispers of reassurance, offering a sense of peace and tranquility in the midst of your fear.

As you take deep breaths and enjoy the gentle wind tousling your hair, you fail to notice someone sitting beside you as you drift off in thought. A tap on your shoulder brings you back to reality with a jump. Looking at where it came from, your eyes widen in shock at the white haired man sitting next to you. It took a second before your mind recognized him; he was the man from the cafe. There was a smile on his face, perfect as you remembered, one that brought you an icy feeling down your spine. He tilted his head, holding a single flower to you, a ribbon tied to its stem.

"Fancy seeing you here." He grinned.

Feeling unsure of how to react, you stared at the man with bewilderment, your heart beating fast. You weren't stupid enough to trust him, frowning at his close proximity. His presence put you on edge, as memories of what he said weeks ago ran through your mind. Knowing he was the one behind the unsettling messages you have been receiving the last week. Pouting, he let the flower droop a little in his hand once he realized you wouldn't take it from him.

"Don't be like that." He sighed dramatically, dropping the flower to his side, eyeing your form.

His smile was charming, reminiscent of when you first met. His eyes twinkled mischievously over his sunglasses. Under different circumstances, you might have admitted that he was quite attractive. Now he only sent chills down your spine, especially with how comfortably he said your name, as if he had known you for years.

As your shoulders tense, you try to move away from him, but just like before, he grabs your wrist. Pulling you to sit back down with him. His grip was ironclad, unmoving as you writhed in a futile attempt to break free. Every detail of his eyes was sharp and intense, as if they were staring deep into your soul.

"You know I'm surprised; you were super easy to keep an eye on." His words dripped with chilling confidence, sending a jolt of fear through you and causing your heart to race even faster. "You should really pay more attention to your surroundings. You never know what monsters lurk out there, ready to eat up a cutie like you."

"What… what do you want?" You asked, your voice small, and your throat felt tight in fear. The grip on your wrist tightened as he leaned in closer.

"That doesn't matter right now," he said casually, his tone sending shivers down your spine. "Let's get to know each other a little."

He wraps his arm back around you, letting go of your wrist to bring your body closer to his. To anyone walking by, it would just look like a couple enjoying the spring weather together. Your body was rigid as he rubbed your shoulder a bit roughly, his cold fingers feeling your soft skin.

You wish you hadn't worn that dress today; its low neckline and thin straps gave him easy access to your skin. Goosebumps littered your arms as you tried to subtly move away from his touch. His grip tightened slightly, indicating his control over your movement. A sinking feeling in your stomach settled, and you knew you needed to get away.

"I don't want anything to do with you." You told him, wishing there wasn't a waver in your voice, wishing you stood stronger against him.

His entire energy and demeanor were intense, but there was a slight furrow in his brow at your words. It was gone as soon as you noticed it, and the same cocky grin was on his face the next second.

"Princess, I don't think you have a choice." His words sent a chill down your spine, filling you with fear at the core of your being.

Silently, he retrieved his phone and began scrolling through a series of photos. The photos displayed your family, friends, and your fiancé. Your loved ones are living their lives, oblivious to the danger they are in because of you. He even has pictures of you from the last week, going from you at work to you in your apartment in your private moments. Finally, he stops the slideshow, sliding the phone back into his pocket.

"Get where this is going?" He chuckles, edging even closer to make sure your thighs touch. "It was difficult to find any real dirt on your boy toy; he's a good guy. I will give him that, but... I know exactly how to make him disappear."

You nod slowly, feeling the lingering threat of danger in the air as you try to comprehend the gravity of the situation. His presence caused you to take short, panicked breaths. This is something he actually notices: a softer look in his eyes now while his hand moves to rub your thigh comfortingly. Your body stiffens as you feel the tip of his fingers tracing just below the hem of your dress.

"Gotta cut this short. Still have to prepare a few things real quick; I couldn't help but check in on my girl." He leans closer to kiss your cheek softly before pulling away.

You didn't respond, feeling too suffocated next to him. Your wide eyes focused on him; it seemed he wanted to be flush with you no matter how much you squirmed away. Fortunately, he doesn't prolong the moment, letting go of your shoulder and putting his hands on his knees.

"I'll come get you shortly; I don't want to keep you waiting too long." He says it playfully, winking as he puts a piece of gum in his mouth and smacks it noisily.

With that, he rises from the bench, looking down at you with a beaming smile, and turns to walk away. He disappears from sight, walking out of the park. This left you feeling worse than before as you wiped your cheek clean. Your gut feelings intensified, urging you to run.

When you got home, you immediately started packing, changing into a simple pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Hurriedly packing a bag with the bare essentials, leaving a mess behind in your wake. You didn't know exactly what you would do, yet you had to get away. The urgency of the situation propelled you forward, heedless of consequences or sacrifices.

It was unbearable to see your stalker in real life—a smack in the face of the true danger you were in. Quickly, you texted your fiance', explaining you were going to stay with a friend for a few days. Once you finally explained to him the situation with the stalker, he called to discuss the next steps.

"You should've told me what was happening."

"I know… I didn't want to worry you. This meeting was important." Tears welled in your eyes, and the stress of everything came to a head. Confiding in him finally brought you comfort, but a part of you felt guilty for not telling him sooner.

"Not more important than you and your safety, I love you."

"I love you too." You whispered into the phone, wiping any stray tears from your face.

"I'll get the next flight out. Stay at your friend's place until I get there," he said firmly. "Keep your taser on you wherever you go. Be safe."

"I will, thank you," you replied, feeling a sense of relief wash over you, knowing he was on his way to be by your side. The thought of having him there to support you made the situation feel more manageable.

He quickly explained the stalker situation to his boss, secured the next available flight, and ended the call upon reaching the airport. The sun had long set, and the dark sky was beginning to fill with twinkling stars, visible through the windows.

On any other night, you would have enjoyed the starry night with a glass of wine and your favorite book, but now you ignore the view. Focus on packing up for your impromptu trip away from the comforts of your home. Once you finished packing, you moved a suitcase into the living room, ready to leave.

A sudden, hard knock at the door surprises you greatly, causing you to jump. It repeats after a moment; much harsher, the door shakes in its frame. Nervously, you move silently to see who it was. Through the peephole, you see that cursed head of snow white hair, his smile as wide as ever. Stepping back, your breath catching in your throat, and your legs turning to jelly as adrenaline surged through your veins. Your stalker was outside your apartment, banging on the door while calling out your name in a joyful tone.

As escape plans raced through your mind, the realization of being in a high-floor apartment without a fire escape sank in, presenting a daunting obstacle. Panic grips you as you frantically reach for your phone in the kitchen. Just as you go to grab it, a loud, crashing sound comes from behind.

Turning around, you see the front door on the floor with a crater in it, and your stalker is smiling menacingly at you. For a moment, you both freeze, a standoff of short going on. Without hesitation, you reach for a knife from the block on the counter behind you and hold it out in front. Despite your nerves, your hands didn't shake as you pointed the sharp knife at him, a cold stare on your face.

"Get the fuck out."

The man smiles at this, laughing a bit at your attempt to intimidate him. As he stepped forward to come closer to you, his finger traced over the countertops. At that moment, you instinctively step back from him, creating distance between you. You both circled the kitchen island cautiously while he slowly removed the bandages covering his eyes.

He put the bandages on the counter, his blue eyes watching your every move like a hawk. He pauses, smirking, his hand stopping just at your phone, then quickly picks it up and crushes it in his hand. Letting the phone fall to the counter in a broken mess, he looks at you with a wide grin.

"Now we can have some real fun."

The front door was behind him; you knew you had to risk running past him or deeper into your apartment. The latter wasn't the best idea since you would be trapped in a corner with no way out but to run you would have to risk getting caught by him. With a deep breath, you made a split-second decision to dart towards the door, hoping to make it out before he could react.

As you sprint to the front door, he easily catches you, wrapping strong arms around your waist. Knife still in hand, you try to swipe at him from behind, only earning you a twist of your arm. A sharp pain radiates through your arm as he twists it more into an awkward angle, making you yell in pain and drop it to the floor in a loud clang.

Pulling you closer, he easily holds you against him, not being phased by your kicking and screams. Securing an arm around your waist, his hand held both your wrists with ease. He leans in, burying his head in the crook of your neck and taking a deep, unsettling breath. The other hand goes over your mouth to muffle your screams. In retaliation, you managed to wiggle your face out, biting down hard on his hand, your tongue flooding with a coppery taste.

This didn't seem to phase him; his blood was dripping down your chin. The metallic tang of his blood is sickening you. Nevertheless, you continue to struggle in his arms, trying to elbow him to break free. A guttural moan escapes his lips as he plants small, chilling kisses on the skin of your neck, enjoying this moment. You feel trapped, like a rat in a snake's grip, desperate for a chance to escape.

"You're so soft." He whispers into your ear, tightening his grip over you, not budging as you dig your heel into his shins.

Teeth still clenched on his hand, digging deeper for him to let go. When he didn't respond you released your jaw, you threw your head back. You hit him square in the nose, eliciting a gasp of pain from him. Blood drips from his nose as he stumbles back, momentarily stunned. Seizing the opportunity, you push him away and run as fast as you can, your heart pounding in your chest.

You run towards the door, the gaping exit mocking you, so close yet so far. You don't make it much farther; he grabs your hair harshly and throws you to the ground. On the floor, you cough and gasp for air. The impact of your back on the hardwood knocked air out of your lungs. As you crawl away from him, trying to regain your breath, he stands in front of the only exit, looking over at you with a menacing grin.

"Here, I thought it would be easy; God, I fucking love this." He wipes his nose with his sleeve, smearing blood on his face. A demented look on his face tells you that he's enjoying this far too much. "As much as I want to continue, kind of on a time crunch, babe. I'm pretty sure your lovely neighbors have already called the police."

Saying this, he crouches down, pulling you to him by your ankle. You kick at him with your other foot, one connected to his chin, but he only laughs in response, dodging any more of your attempts to fight back.

"You're a feisty one, I like that," he chuckles, tightening his grip on your ankle as he begins to drag you closer. "You're not going anywhere."

Your heart races as you desperately search for a way out of this nightmare. Keeping a hold of you, he pulls out a syringe filled with mysterious liquid from his pocket. The sight makes your heart drop. In your shock, he stabs it roughly into your thigh, pushing the liquid in. As the drug takes effect, your vision blurs and your body goes limp, leaving you at his mercy.

"Sweet dreams." He takes you into his arms, watching you fall into unconsciousness. The last thing you hear before blacking out is his sinister chuckle echoing in your ears

Hope you enjoyed lovelies! Likes/ reblogs are appreciated &lt;3 pls no repost

#jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #yandere gojo x reader #yandere gojo satoru #yandere gojo #yandere jjk #yandere jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #jjk x you #yandere jjk x reader #cw dark content #cw blood #cw kidnapping #cw yandere #One Moment Was All It Took

[differenteagletragedy]

Based on what happens when you have feelings for Baxter in Step 4 but turn him down when he confesses his love for yooooou :)

Nights had always been hard for Baxter. They were when he felt most alert, sure, but being alert also meant being aware. And for Baxter, that meant being aware of how alone he was.

But ever since he reconnected with you, nights had become something he looked forward to.

It had been a few months since you and Baxter had run into each other in the days leading up to Jude and Scott's wedding. It had only taken days for him to fall back in love with you, or rather to admit that he'd never actually fallen out of love with you, but you were more hesitant.

"I'm sorry, Baxter, I can't," you told him after he confessed his feelings to you. "Maybe someday, but right now..."

"I see," he'd replied, and he did see. It hurt, of course, but he understood perfectly why you weren't ready to jump into a relationship with him.

But you'd left the door open for a reconciliation. And he wasn't going to miss his chance again.

Things started out slow -- after your late night conversation in the office, he took you back to your apartment and walked you to your door like the gentleman that he was. The next day, you'd invited him to hang out with your friends, something he was so thankful for.

He didn't want to come on too strong, to appear too excited to actually have people in his life, so he waited a few days to ask you out for coffee. He sent you texts sporadically, and when you answered he agonized about how long he should wait to reply.

But as the weeks went on, you spent more and more time together. The natural flirt in him came out more, and he started noticing you being more responsive to it. It was a wonderful feeling.

Soon, you spent more nights together than you did apart. Not full nights -- though he was desperate to have you in his bed, to hold you, to wake up with you in his arms -- but evenings. When you were both done with work, you'd come over to his apartment and he'd cook dinner for you, or he'd come over to yours and take you out. Sometimes after you'd go dancing, sometimes you'd watch a movie.

As time went on, the dances got more and more intimate in tiny little increments. You sat closer together when you watched TV, and paid less attention to plots and more attention to each other. It took longer to say goodnight.

One night, you were over at his place for another homecooked meal. He was by the counter, putting the finishing touches on a dish before he put it in the oven, and you took the opportunity to put on some music, looking back at him just in time to see him smiling.

Baxter slid the pan into the oven, set a timer, and turned to you. With a dramatic flourish, so silly it made you laugh, he bowed and extended his hand to you. When you took it, he pulled you in close. Closer than people who were just friends would dance.

"May I let you in on something?" he asked softly after a few minutes. You pulled back to look at him and saw that his cheeks were pink, but he was still wearing a small smile.

"Of course," you answered.

"I just wanted you to know -- it felt important to let you know -- that while my feelings for you remain the same, I'm not doing all of this because I'm expecting any sort of return," he said.

"What do you mean?"

He paused for a moment, the same smile, almost pained, remaining on his face. You felt him give your hand a squeeze, then he said, "If you were to one day return my feelings, that would be wonderful. But I'm not spending all of this time with you because I want to woo you. This means ... you mean more to me than that. Even if no romance were to ever blossom between us again, these moments with you have meant more to me than I can possibly say."

You took a beat to consider what he said. You took him in, the consummate gentleman in front of you who you'd fallen in love with all those years ago and who managed to work his way back into your heart after breaking it back then. He was being sincere in saying that all of that -- you knew that. And it meant more to you than you ever could have imagined.

"Baxter," you began, moving your hand to toy with the collar of his shirt. He hummed in response, and you said, "What if I want you to though?"

"What if you want me to what?"

"Woo me."

For the first time since he began talking, his smile faltered. His feet stopped moving, so you stopped with him, and slowly, the hand that had been holding yours moved to cup your cheek.

You gave him a small nod, and he closed the distance between you.

Baxter hadn't been lying when he told you that he'd become quite the impressive cook, but that night the dinner he'd prepared for you went to waste. By the time his timer went off, clothes were strewn around the kitchen -- he barely remembered to put on mitts when he pulled the dish out of the oven, shirt off, hair a mess and pants unbuttoned and hanging loosely around his hips. It set on the counter, forgotten, as he led you towards his bedroom, but you only made it as far the couch before your hands found their way back to each other.

He'd had to wait for you to be ready to welcome him back into your heart, but that was fine with him. He was a patient man. And the next morning when he woke up, still pressed against you, feeling your warmth, he was overcome with emotion. For this, he would have waited a lifetime.

#our life beginnings and always #baxter ward #baxter x you #baxter x mc #baxter x reader #baxter ward x reader #baxter ward x mc #baxter ward x you

[porkcracker]

Hello!!

I just wanna say I really liked your Optimus father figure headcannons and Ratchet grandpa figure headcannons! It was really nice!

I was wondering if you can do a oneshot of those headcannons with a Non-binary reader? I think it'd be really wholesome and nice to see ^^

I was staring at this ask for a very long time and man I wish I had time to answer it quicker, because it hits some buttons. I'm happy you liked my headcanons btw. Still being probably months late, I still hope you enjoy this.

Dad!Optimus & Grandpa!Ratchet & NB!Reader It had been in no way your fault, but nonetheless you still found yourself shrinking into yourself as Optimus looked at you with a disappointed look in his bright blue optics. As the oldest of the humans on base, you had taken to watching over the three younger ones. Which as a result lead to you being equally in trouble, when they got in trouble and like in moments like this had broken something. You had been busy with yourself for a few minutes, so there was no clear way to say who had started it, but by the time yells and screams had drawn your attention they were running around the base, chasing each other with water guns.

To a degree you could understand them, the summer was hot, and even the base could grow uncomfortably warm at the height of the day, but to use water guns? Around a lot of technology? An exasperated sigh had left you, and you had to move to stop them, yelling after them. Alas, too late, an over enthusiastic shot from Miko had missed its intended target of Raf and instead hit Ratchets workstation. You watched with bated breath hoping it would do no damage, relaxing as it seemed to be fine and turning to the equally frozen kids, when there was a crackling noise and just as you turned back around the previously lit display darkened.

As the Bots returned, the children and their guardians were quickly sent on their way to bring said children home, which left you alone with Optimus and Ratchet. Ratchet had not left his damaged station since returning, attempting to fix the damage. Optimus on the other hand had turned to you. Which was what had led to this moment. The big bot wasn't angry, but the disappointment in his optics was far more disheartening in your opinion. Disappointing Optimus never sat right with you at all, not that you had been at this point very often before. No, rather, you were far more commonly sitting on his shoulder and conversing with him.

"(Y/N), I'm very glad that you watch the younger ones when you're alone at base, but if you need help than please do tell me. I would not want you to be overwhelmed by watching three other humans by yourself. I am quite sure, leaving one of the others at base to help you, would be manageable.", his voice was as gentle as always and perhaps the fact that he was seemingly more concerned for you than the damaged equipment and even considered leaving someone at base was worse. With the Deceptions being more experienced fighters and having no qualms, leaving someone to watch would be impractical. While usual Ratchet was at base, he was ready to leave base when necessary, so to stop that would be impractical.

Still you nodded and watched, still hunched into yourself, as Optimus joined Ratchet to look at the damage from the equipment. Coming to a decision, the next day, when the Bots and the kids left base, you made your way towards the workstation and had a closer look at the damage. It was quickly clear why such technically minimal water damage made this much trouble. The cables were sized for humans and while it must have been hard to connect when building the station it had no casing then and no it did, making it even harder for big cybertronian hands to work half hidden small human cables.

It didn't take long to get a torch and a few tools from your back, something you carried with you just in case, since you had started to get along better with Ratchet, often listening to his stories and grumbled life advice. Once back at the workstation, you turned the torch on and climbed into the casing of the workstation and working along the few small cables that needed to be fixed. Fixated on your work, it only registered that Optimus and Ratchet had come over, both not out with the others, when they began to talk, or well you assumed began to talk as you hadn't registered it before.

"It's almost amusing to watch you, how do the humans say it, mother hen them.", the sentence made you slow in your work with curiosity, wondering if they were talking about the other kids, your curiosity mirrored by the confused tone of Optimus. "What do you mean, old friend?" "Hah, it's obvious. (Y/N), you talk like you're their creator.", the way Ratchet said it was not judgemental, rather it seemed genuinely amusing. "I-", Optimus began, but was cut almost off immediately by a yelp. Both bots snapped their helms around, looking around, pinpointing the origin just as you crawled out of the casing of the workstation, your finger bleeding where you had slipped at the answer of the medic.

Before you could even fully get over the hem of the workstation, Ratchet scooped you up and walked off with words of chiding for injuring yourself. As much as Optimus had been caught off-guard by the words of his old friend, reflecting on them proofed them true. But alas, at least he was not the only one, he mused quietly as he watched said old friend fret over your cut with a rare care in his optics.

#request #transformers #transformers prime #maccadam #optimus prime #ratchet #tfp optimus prime #tfp ratchet #reader #non binary reader #platonic #optimus prime x reader #ratchet x reader #found family

[pynkhues]

Important succession question: was Nate dating Shiv first and then became friends with Kendall or was Nate friends with Kendall and then started dating Shiv? I cannot express how much both options fascinate me

Anon, this is a question that lives rent free in my head! One of the things I find especially interesting is that Tom actually knows him as a friend of Kendall's before he knows he's anything to Shiv at all. Like this:

Happens before this:

Which kind of does make it seem like maybe Kendall's talked about Nate in more contexts than Shiv has, which is particularly interesting given Kendall seemingly didn't mention that he dated his sister, haha.

But yes! As to who met who first, I think there are two questions that really impact how you can speculate that: first, what you think the age gap between Shiv and Kendall is (I'm a golden-trio-are-close-in-age truther, so I tend to put it as four years max), and when you think Kendall was in Shanghai.

The latter question is one I've seen contested a lot - I know a few people who think it was probably after rehab as a sort of exile like Roman being sent to LA was / an extension of 'you send the weak one away', but I actually think the show kind of gave us the answer for that when Logan was seriously looking to bring Shiv into the company.

I strongly suspect that he's basing that loosely off what he took Kendall through, minus a few things (like we know that Kendall got his MBA at Harvard and that he interned at Logan's papers, because he mentions it in Dundee, etc.) and likely with a condensed timeline just because of Kendall and Logan's respective ages at the time Kendall was going through it.

In my master timeline that I'll one day actually post, haha, I tend to put Kendall as having been born in 1979/1980 (s1 of the show is specifically set in 2018, and Kendall turns 40 in s3 which I think is meant to be roughly a year later). If that's the case, I think an estimate of Kendall's professional history would be:

at Harvard 1997-2002

Starting at Waystar and learning from Gerri/Baird/Frank/Karl for probably a few years, not one, lets say three or four, so that takes us through to about 2006. Kendall marries Rava in about 2004 too, so that fits neatly into this period as well.

Shanghai maybe 2007-2008

UK for a while, let's say through 2010.

Back for six months of management training

In roughly 2011 he's shadowing his father

2015 we know was rehab, which was a spanner in the works.

Then 2016-2018 was him back to shadowing his father with the view to take over.

That would put Kendall at about 28 while they were in Shanghai, and then poses the new question of how you think Kendall met Nate if not through Shiv.

I don't think Nate ever worked at Waystar, because I think it would've come up, so that's off the table. If you go with my rough estimate of Shiv being about 24 then, she would've graduated college herself and maybe met Nate interning then connected him and Ken when Ken was alone in Shanghai, but that doesn't really seem like something Shiv would do. Nate could've gone to college with either one of them too, but then that doesn't seem to really fit with the way he's talked about either.

I tend to lean towards Kendall knowing Nate first, and I tend to think they probably actually met in Shanghai? Given Nate's career path, I think you could make the argument that he was working somewhere like the US Embassy & Consulate in Shanghai which would make sense as to why Gil hired him and also put him pretty neatly in Kendall's orbit both professionally and personally.

After that, I kind of think it would be a pretty clear path as to Shiv meeting him, especially because Kendall's the only one who really seems to bring outsiders-in in that way like he's done with Stewy, Jess and Naomi.

But of course, that's a lot of speculation, haha. It's a really fun one to think about though - the show does such an awesome job of just dropping in these details that hint at so much storyworld.

What do you think though?

#i think if nate worked at the embassy too it would've been like #the sort of neat strategic thing which made kendall feel like he was playing logan correctly #which also makes sense for that sort of time period #nate sofrelli #kendall roy #shiv roy #tom wambsgans #kendall + nate #nate + shiv #hbo succession #succession meta #speculation #welcome to my ama

[legendfinder]

compare daniel mullins games to a christmas carol

This question was sent on October 10th, 2023. I meant to answer it during, yknow, Christmas. Well, you can guess what happened. But no matter! Here we are, exactly 1 month later. Pretend today is Christmas, ok?

One of the reasons why I think I put off answering this for so long is because I felt like I had to somehow match the quality of my earlier answer about Jacob Geller's archival video. Needless to say, I'm not going to do that. I'm too tired for that. I'll keep this short.

Of course, inevitable spoilers for Pony Island & The Hex & Inscryption.

The order I experienced Daniel Mullins' games was Pony Island, then Inscryption, then The Hex, and the feeling of having all those different things melge around in my brain for a while... It made me realize, after the fact, that it felt almost like a self-reflection of sorts. A strange bittersweet intervention, if you may. I felt like I was visited by the ghosts of *my* past, present, and future.

Pony Island was a game I watched Markiplier play years ago. I was still in middle school at the time, and... It left quite an impact on me. Perhaps younger me didn't quite realize how that game specifically left a mark on him, but that game had all the hallmarks of what I'd later internalize into my own personality. I love things that aren't as they seem on the surface; I love when it's possible to break something beyond what it's intended, to give yourself more agency than you should. I love content shifts, both in aesthetic and gameplay. The programming puzzles were just a cherry on top, as I had a big passion especially for block-based programming languages like Scratch. It was a perfect game for me, and probably shaped a good chunk of my ideas going forward. That game is the ghost of my past.

Then came Inscryption, which I only beat a few months ago. It was... Strange, seeing the KamWerks videos, after having created a similar experience myself for the Moon ARG not too long ago. Just like Pony Island, the familiar hallmarks returned; a game going deeper than it advertises, a game that seems to "break", a game that shifts its tone and form several times over. Except this time, it didn't necessarily seem to shape me as much as Pony Island; I played the game specifically because these hallmarks would be there. This type of game *is* what I already was, and I loved it for that. And, er, the robot was also the cherry on top. Just saying. The game is a ghost of my present self.

Before I talk about the Hex, there's something about Inscryption I noticed only because it reminded me of my own creative process. See, the game to me felt like Daniel Mullins wanted to make a card game, went "hm. how many ways can I make a card game?" and just accepted every answer. It was as if he had some sort of bucket labeled CARD GAME IDEAS that he just dropped any sort of shit into, and managed to make a coherent game out of that. That is... Exactly what I do, too. I create categories of buckets and let them gradually fill up over time, stringing them into coherent objects at a later point once it feels fully formed, although by that point it'll also have gathered a whole heck of a lot of extra bits. It isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, but... Y'know. It felt surreal.

Lastly... The Hex. The Hex is a game that wasn't fully on my radar, and I only decided to play it because of its ties to Inscryption (that's important, keep that in mind). Remember those Mullinsisms I mentioned before? Deep games, breaking things, content shifts? This game is that, in full fucking force. This wasn't just one bucket, no no no; This feels like an entire fucking brewery of different ideas. How many things can I make for an RPG? A tactics game? A fighting game? A fucking top-down shooter?? It's absurd how rapidfire this game is. I feel like every single emotion a human can experience is in there somewhere. I'm probably in there somewhere. Well, I am, in a sense.

The one thing that led me to create this connection between Daniel Mullins and a christmas carol (yes, I asked callie to ask me this question, fuck you) was... The ending of The Hex. The very, very, self-indulgent and meta ending of The Hex. The ending that also features Daniel Mullins (or "Lionel Snill", which, come on. That is literally just Daniel Mullins' name distorted) getting strangled by his own game. Consumed by it, literally, but also figuratively. The game, by virtue of this ending, has partly become a commentary on his journey to try and make a suitable follow-up to Pony Island.

I am a very self-indulgent person. Like I said in the last answered ask, I have a google drive of everything I ever made. I hold a lot of what I make up to a weird museum-like pedestal, and because of that I also tend to reference a lot of my earlier works in future ones. Remember those connections between Inscryption and The Hex? It's not enough for the games to be purely standalone experiences, they must also exist in a larger shared universe. Almost everything I made now exists in the Elemental Realm somewhere. A larger shared universe inhabited by self-inserts of varying degrees (there's something to be said about how everything in a story universe is a self-insert in a sense, but that's another post entirely). A place where every single idea I can ever have is crammed into one giant overarching narrative. I assign past ideas to new situations, often on a whim, just to see how they'd feel there.

To best understand my works now, it's better to understand me as a person.

...

One of the main antagonists of the Elemental Realm is a trickster clown with murky ambitions, although the true villain ends up being the author self-insert.

..

The Elemental Realm will end with a character escaping the universe and confronting the authors directly.

.

The Hex is the ghost of my future, and I don't know how I feel about that.

==============================================

Oh, did I say I was gonna make this post short? My bad.

There's a few nuances I wish I could hammer out but uhhhh brain fog. I'm making a lot of assumptions about Daniel Mullins' intentions for the sake of narrative; it's not like Lionel is *actually* a 100% Daniel Mullins self-insert, or that Mullins is actually just dumping every idea he has into one game. There are just little details that viscerally remind me of the way I'm personally going about things, and that's mainly what I wanted to make the post about.

Anywho, there's 2 minutes left until christmas is over. Signing off.

#leg answers asks #pony island #the hex #inscryption

[funkymbtifiction]

Hey Charity! Firstly, I appreciate the hell outta you! I'm from a family of 8s and without your fined tooth comb, I would have never got to the bottom of why we always ended up at each others throats throughout my childhood. (*ahem* instinct stacking) 😆 Among other mbti / enneagram based epiphanies.

Anyways.. I wanted to ask you what your longterm takeaway on the goblins of discords reading of you is. Put it this way... if there's anything out there I trust as much as the gut instinct of the 8... it's the healthy skepticism of 6. And I get it.. they have a charming way of disarming the whole 'First things first, I disagree' mentality that you might normally bring to the table... but. In my opinion, you have more experience and ways of applying the information that goes into deducing type... hard to aim it at the 'self' though... which i get too.

Do you think their tri-type reading of you takes precedence over your own or do you revert back to your appraisal?

Or.. does the process whole process to submitting to their point of view sort of leave you ambivalent to typing as a whole since... ultimately everyone is 'entitled' to their opinion. I know theres sort of politics involved when it comes to opinions about enneagram websites and content providers but... I figure it makes a decent last question.

ps hugs and kisses, thanks so much for your dedication to this altruistic endeavor.

I started to answer this several times, and even talked to myself about it in the car on the way someplace today, but naturally I remember none of my earlier attempts, so I’ll just think/answer it as I go.

It’s been almost five months since I got my results back, and in that time, I have reconsidered, questioned, and also introspected, challenging their typing by coming at it from my inner lens. I keep looking for ways out of it, but all roads lead back to the exact same conclusion. Which is to say, I think they “nailed me.” I tried to indulge a 2 fix again for a while, but that always falls flat when I examine my motives and what I want from other people (what I want them to see, what I want them to remember about me). I am casually nice and helpful, but have no ego strategy tied to it. It’s not what makes me neurotic, 3 is what makes me neurotic. Being admired, seen as successful, being afraid of failure, shape-shifting (as much as Fi will allow, which isn’t much), being aware of how things will “look.” I am definitely the workaholic tritype – the instant I finish a massive project, I don’t exist until I start another one, and I never rest – I launch right into it.

And 1 is fairly obvious, so… yeah. I may quibble on the wings (I could see an argument for either 1w2 or 1w9 as a fix), and I’m not sure that 1 comes before 3 (I feel a lot of tension between 6 and 3), but overall I think they did a good job based on what I gave them – and when I sent them that video, after watching/editing it (to remove all the awkward pauses and paper shuffling… a very 3 fixed thing to do, managing the presentation), I thought, “They will type me as 3 fixed.” All the confusion in my own mind cleared the minute I saw myself on video. I’m not into visual typing, but that forced me out of my head and made me assess myself as an independent individual – I know enough about type dynamics to get a read on myself, if I watch myself answer questions and truly listen to what I said. I typed me based off that video as I would have typed anyone else, had it come from them – 6 (buzzy head type, all in the mind, never in the body), 1 (frustration, competency, annoyance), and 3 (accomplishment, some aggression, image-managing, “I want to be the best”).

I think there’s some value in recording a video and then watching yourself, based on what you know about the types and how they play out, assuming you know the types deeply. And I think if you are genuinely unable to introspect, or lost, or have been cycling through types for a long time, an independent assessment can go a long way into helping you gain clarity – you may or may not agree with their assessment of you, but if they provide reasoning (as Goblins do), at least you understand “why” they saw that in you, and can reject or listen to it. I don’t think anyone should just accept what an “expert” tells them about their type, but instead, take some time to consider whether it “might be” true, based on the inner experience. By watching yourself for a while, to see if/how that number’s dynamics play out in your daily life. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You start noticing it, along with when and what triggers that fix.

I’ve said before that you can’t know your MBTI type until you both know the functions well enough to understand how they work, and have observed yourself enough to see you “doing” them in “real time” (recognizing that what you are using this very second is this or that function). It’s the same with the Enneagram. Enough introspection and “watching of me” without judgment, but by looking for certain patterns, will confirm or prove that you are/are not this or that type.

IF you decide to pay someone to type you, I recommend that you only do so with someone who a) seems to have a strong and accurate knowledge of the different types (I trust Goblins, because they know what is and isn’t 4, what is and isn’t 9, and what is and isn’t 6, the three most misrepresented and mistyped types), who has a proven track record with explanations that make sense both in the context of their argument and comparatively to what that type is, and who actually interacts with you and talks to you and/or gives an in-depth explanation, rather than just giving you an answer; because you cannot determine someone’s type from a static ten minute video, you need to interact with them and get a sense of their inner motivations.

Lastly, I encourage you to share the video in other places, to see what the general consensus is, and have spent enough time in various groups noticing who does and does not seem to have a knack for typing. If the answer you receive from the majority of people is similar, there’s a good chance that that portion of your typing is accurate. (I shared several videos in several different typing groups, and it was overwhelmingly 6-1, with people divided between 2/3 heart fixes.)

I have seen people pay a lot of money to be mistyped by various teachers, and it’s obvious from observing them that they have not done the inner work necessary to notice the mistype (6s who think they are 5s but who are always soliciting outside opinions, “4s” who make a long post about how overwhelming life is and how they internalize everyone else’s feelings [9s], and even a few 9s mistyped as 3s who display extreme withdrawn tendencies, etc).

The point of the Enneagram is inner work. The point is to learn to identify your mechanisms and learn not to do them automatically (choice vs. “nature”). If you can’t or won’t do that, it’s useless. And I should add that the only people who truly find their type are willing to be whatever their true type is; there is no ego-defense or preference for one type over another. Resistance to being X heart fixed, or Y gut fixed, or Z head fixed only impedes the process and makes you unable to see yourself clearly. When all you want is the RIGHT answer, even if you hate it, you're ready to accept the truth.

#question #enneagram #goblins of discord

[stil-lindigo]

hi! I see you're answering asks and I wanted to tell you first of all that your art and your art style are amazing, no matter what it is about. Right now OFMD is popular but no matter what you draw, it's always amazing. Secondly, I wanted to thank you. I wrote a fic for the first time after three years inspired by between a rock and a hard place (I may have sent it before because I've been thinking of telling you but I honestly don't remember if I did, anyway it's here). I haven't written anything in many months and your art inspires me SO MUCH and hopefully after my exams I'll be able to write more

firstly, thank you so much for your kind words. And I'm so genuinely elated that I managed to help you get back into writing!! It's a beautiful fic and I really appreciate that you went to the trouble of letting me know, I always love to promote the stuff that people write based off of my art. Thank you again, I'm so glad I could inspire you in some way, and I hope your exams go well!

#ask #i recommend everyone to read the fic btw its so heartfelt and sweet

[intolerancecare]

Employee Grade

Grading is company based right? Employment and appointment are greatly affected by preference. What I don't like is for my capability to be equated or to be deemed less than their preferences. That's why I am nagging them of their incapabilities and laziness. Lack of initiative. See... who would respect me? I make mistake that's true, because I was obliged to do so many different things. It was difficult to revert.

We were all still banking at the student level of capacity when we worked, meaning most of us are new in the field. My reference of capability would be closest to student achievements. Supervisor? really?

Mine would be validated by Carissa. If Tim yap's, theory my family and my barkada (group of friends). And my colleagues from my first job.

They left me because the only thing that I know is right? Right, they don't understand the leftist trainer. At least I'm a trainer the others are neither right nor left.

I told this to a zup before, she asked me if my work is fun. I said I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Just thinking Go figure. I had a different team, when they started leaving, I searched for the Job description again. Just imagine my yes, extreme anger after knowing that there is a JD in my files. I don't remember receiving and I know that it wasn't the JD that I knew. I tried to stay at the training department a few times. The answer is always no. Only when they summon. But the officer does not have a system. No ICT. A proof that he has created a training plan. Materials, tools. He only had a programme for tours. Applicable for visitors only. Not customized for new joiners. Quality? Where? delivering the ICT sent by the brand? I was a participant. Who had it next? 10 folds of staff can join that training maybe I'm wrong, if it's for the supervisor level, two batches maybe. Why once only? Same as the company? The trainings there are not brand base. They are assessment, CS, Selling, training, supervisory and managerial training. Participants can be chosen randomly. And most of them are repeated right? Quality? better than us in the till? I saw his performance rating 100. How many times did he try? not sure if once or twice. Yes, the doubtful me will say twice. You know what's the issue? He jumped off at us. the trainers and the Amb. With lack of experience the quality lies on his talent. Output would be for the experienced. The position that he got is for experienced trainer. If not, he is just our secretary. Who is his boss? just Imagine my alarm whenever I see a new part timer on the floor. Not oriented or maybe they did but what was told to them? Anything impromptu is informal. How to formalize? Visual aids. Without that we are just like ordinary employees asked to passed info to their colleagues. They don't want to validate us? I am also not satisfied with my performance. But what to do yani? I was busy working on the floor then he'll call me to meet a trainee. How can you change character in split seconds? Because this is a routine? of who? The CS? The Zup? The SA? The Trainer? The Training officer? The Internal Customer? Even the labor management task has been part of my job. I am a nuisance? Can you compare my performance on my first 6 months or 1 year to your preferences? First 3 months can be too. I am very particular with my performance. My skepticism arises from the fact that I really have a high standard. Something that at times hard for me to do. What to do? I've been with smart people. Kindly remove my trainees.

I failed during my first hosting stint at the brand's first promotional campaign? I was waiting for a programme. What comes next after introducing the roles? Someone can take over the stage if it was plainly my stupidity. Mina delivered it better? He spoke in their language. He probably talked 5 minutes longer than I did. That's it. What happened next? Nothing. Did they forget that my audience were kids with special needs? How can there be interaction when a song was not even prepared to be played, so some can sing along and the mascots can dance. I took the bullet. Sorry, you might know this, but this is my most infamous mistake if you'll remove what happened after I left.

You've seen what happened when I organized a program right? I hosted. I briefed Kuya Antonio and he briefed Amiedel. I think we even write it down. The script was easy because it was a parody of a popular show. The plan was executed. I had a small glitch with the content, but I think it's permissible or to simply describe, It happens.

You didn't watch right? You should have seen the reaction of the devil. Such insensitivity. He is effing skill less compared to me. That reaction was claiming territory, right? to what? Anything that is not his. Not even belittling me, he has no right.

Choosing templates and slides, sound effects, animation, programme...

First 3 months, my mileages if I need to be compared. H&M really? ates and kuyas?

I was wrong for not directly asking for a certificate.

Only one per family? So, I am really bound to be a dependent? Do you know that Philippines is greatly influenced by America? Worse, poverty line here is bigger. We don't have inheritance.

BTW did somebody gave away paperless copy of scripts? One of my delusions.

[woozi]

henlo yza beloved <33

oh my god <//3 love the way you put it honestly, the way you're so smart <3 the answer was right there and i managed to miss it 😭 i was lichrally like " ok so river dried up no thoughts head empty " and now it's as if the last missing puzzle piece finally fit itself in my mind jdjsksks that really explains whys and hows of haku ending up there, btw the importance of names and home in this movie was so heartwarming 🥺

also that's so sad to think about though, haku not having any place outside of the spirit world also means he might never get to meet chihiro 😭😭😭 ( unless he found a little something like home in chihiro ( yk home being a person instead of some house ) then idk he can become a water body anywhere she lives, if or when he decides on meeting her. like you know there is someone out there calling out his name or missing him which gives acknowledgement to his existence thus making a tiny place available somewhere where he is wanted even if as just a visiting guest) ok but honestly i'm also kind of okay with them never meeting hddjdj like even though it's sad there's still some kind of comfort in knowing the fact that some people only come into your life to help you grow in good way!/ intentionally or unintentionally helping e/o through tough times and then moving on )

also honestly same 😭😭😭🥺 i feel like we've been talking since ages, thank YOU for even taking out time to listen and reply to my nonsense fr, i'm so glad i sent that ask to tell you, your " im skydiving with vernon " tag was funny 😭🥺 i really enjoy talking to you

SPEAKING OF VERN how excited are you for his mixtape? would love to hear your thoughts!, i feel like he's gonna come out with some emo rock/grunge banger tbh, basing on the artwork and his love for avril lavigne songs hdjdjdkd whatever it is i know i'm gonna eat it up bc i live for his verses in hhu songs

hope you're doing well yza 🤍, and you too after 21st take some time out for yourself and recharge, you deserve it <333 love you 🥺 thank you for hanging out with me as always, bestie <333

(honestly had nothing extra to add 😭 dec is kicking me fr. days are just going by i have had no idea about which day it is this whole month 💀 also i haven't forgotten about the movie i'm gonna dm you details after i send this, feel free to check after 21st! )

MA CHERIEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😻😻😻😻

NAURRRRRRRRRRR i am not smart i'm just one for obsessing over details fjkfjdkfjdk AND I KNOW </3 it was such a good concept esp considering how our identities are so tied up with the names given to us by birth and the names with which we choose to present ourselves with!! AND UR MIND HELLO???????????? also agreed <33 i'm fine w the bittersweet ending (i… love them actually 😭)

ALSO PLS NOOOOOOOO i should be the one thanking u fr </3 lich rally where would i be without ur lil ask </3

AND URE SO REAL FOR THIS PLS FKJDFJFDJKFDJK i also find myself gravitating towards his verses we r besties fr 😋 and u r right once again omg it gave early 2000s <3 WHAT DO U FEEL ABT IT!!! i personally like the band ver more, it feels a lot more raw!! think the way mainstream kr companies (honestly cant be said for the indie ones theyre going IN on it there) produce rock music is so… tame for lack of better word, but the band ver ate fr tbh <33 IM KINDA SAD SOME OF THE SCENES OF HIM IN THE BLACK TANK TOP DIDNT SHOW UP ON THE MV THOUGH </3333333 HE LOOKED SO GOOD

i've been getting to rest a bit until i received an e-mail from one of my professors today 😭 now it's a sign for me to get back to work, i still have more finals and more deadlines for january, but after that i'd be FINALLY getting a real break 😋

AND NO PLS FDKJDFJ I FEEL U!! i hope ure getting to rest as well and that you've had a great time this holiday season <33 love u thank u for always being here 🥰 MWAH

#cherie 🪂 #s-cxups #y.ask #long post

[countrymusiclover]

5 - Hostage Marine

(Gif by @timbradford)

Part 6

Military Lovers masterlist

Y/n's POV

A bag gets yanked off my head with my hands tied together with zip ties and a gas over my mouth. Blinking my eyes I adjust to the bright lights seeing we're inside a church. Hearing multiple cars and everything else entering the room. Clearly Chicago. The Afghanistan leader had forced me to get them on an airplane after they found a way to cover up all the cuts and bruises they've done. "This isn't my base..." I coughed out trying to shift to a better sitting position with me being tied up. My hair knotted and covered in blood with torn clothing. "You stupid girl. Churches are a sanctuary for everyone. If we are to get caught the authorities cannot remove us from here. We shall take your base at nightfall so get comfortable."

The Afghanistan guys open cases of bullets they bought from the store with my license since they can't legally buy Firearms here. I count off four fully loaded military assault rifles each with four rounds of bullets. "What's your plan here. Can I know you're name if you're I'm gonna play your hostage for nearly a month?" The leader stomped forward hitting me over the head with the butt of his riffle. I grunt loudly falling down on the carpet feeling serious pain in my head, probably a serious concussion. My vision blurs together with tears watching him bend down with cold metal of a barrel pressing to my throat. "Watch your tounge if you want to keep it I suggest you shut the hell up..." He pauses starting to get up but suddenly swung the gun at me again and I don't have enough strength to fight back so he knocks me out cold.

Jay's POV

"Guys I think I got something. Multiple firearm charges and plane tickets just appeared on Y/n's bank statements." Adam points to the computer screen reading the charges were made six hours ago. Hailey sees the location of the shop running a hand through her hair. "How the hell did she get from Afghanistan to Chicago if she's being held hostage?" Pushing myself off the wall I try and think of what she's trying to do. The base isn't located here, it's in Afghanistan. Looking towards the board I tilt my head staring at Kyle's dog tags that I put back around his collar. Lifting up the first part of Y/n's letter I re-read the part mentioning his dog tags. Reading the code on Kyle's collar in the picture of us it reads 'Ky2156' but I remember the tag he wears now says different 'Y/n,5408' Moving papers around on my desk I managed to write down her normal dog tag number when I was sending her letters. "Kyle's dog tag isn't his. It's actually Y/n's, but she changed the numbers in the letter she sent." Voight raises his eyebrows at me. "What do you mean?"

Bending down to Kyle I scratch behind his ears clipping his dog tag off with my freehand reading the same different numbers. "Look for any zip codes with the numbers 5408." Adam typed away before the computer dings with a match so he turns it to face me. "A church downtown down the road from the same building she bought weapons at." Voight stares at me blank then down at Kyle. "You know something I'm starting to think this girl of yours might just be Intelligence material." Hailey pets Kyle who's been awake most of the time today. He gets to his sniffing around until he saw me holding the tag. He puts his nose close up to it then barks loudly multiple times up at me. "What is it boy?" Hailey questions seeing him pointing his nose up towards the board of evidence. Adam gets up from the desk picking our picture off the board pointing at Y/n. "Do you smell her. Is it Y/n?" He barks wagging his tail as his way of answering yes. Running my hands through my hair I breathe out in shock. "She managed to give us her exact location." Voight heads for the door waving us all to follow and Kyle howls following right beside my hip. "Let's suit up and bring her home."

Y/n's POV

Blinking my eyes open again I see some blood seeping through my shirt so I call out to one of the Afghanistan guards watching me. "I need bandages...please." The guard rolled his eyes not saying anything so I force myself to sit up. Ripping apart a piece of the rug pressing it around my stomach. Yanking it tightly around I try to make the blood clot even though I'm starting to feel light headed. The side door bursts open when sirens started to get closer around the building. "You little bitch. You called the cops." I try to speak but he lifts me up by my shirt snarling into my face. "I - I didn't call-" He throws me on the ground cooking his riffle before someone hollers out. "Hey, I'm coming in. I'm unarmed!" Raising myself up on my left elbow I released tears clutching my hands into fists knowing that voice anywhere. "Jay....Jay...no!" He stepped down the stairs having all four riffles aimed directly at him. The leader demanded to my boyfriend. "Get on the ground now. If you don't we will shoot you!" Jay slowly gets down on the ground his gaze flickered up towards the second floor staircase. Slightly turning my head I see a man aiming a gun towards the Afghan leader and he wears a vest that reads Chicago pd. He's working with Jay. We're gonna need more than that.

Adam's POV

Hiding behind the wall I see Jay on the floor and a girl with bloody brown hair with blonde highlights tied up. Kyle is at my feet trying to be as quiet as possible. Glancing to the dog I slowly nodded giving him the signal to go. He crawls towards the stairs that are tall so he can't be seen. "How many of you are outside, tell me!" The guy dressed in a black cloak demanded to Jay. The girl tied up tries scooting over towards a riffle laying near her feet. Clever girl. Jay's gotta keep them distracted. "Four other officers but they won't arrest you if you let us go. Me and her. We'll help you get what you want." The leader stomped his feet on the ground shouting. "I'm not dumb boy. What I want is revenge. Revenge on the military that took my family from me. Brought them here saying they'd have a better life...leaving me alone all because I had history of beating my wife!" The girl slowly raises a gun pulls the trigger but it clicks meaning no bullets inside, the leader spun around knocking the gun from her hands. Shit Jay, you and Kyle better do something fast.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#military lovers #jay halstead x reader fanfiction #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #chicago pd #marine military #military dogs #wattpad fanfiction #comments really appreciated

[tonguetiedraven]

Hi can you write a Bon/Rin (where Bon is the territorial one) fic based on the song NFWMB by Hozier? Thank you!!! :) <3

I love everything you’ve written about Blue Exorcist! It inspires me to read more often and they honestly make my day!!!

First, thank you so much for such a sweet compliment （＾ｖ＾)♡ I'm so happy you enjoy my stories!

I had never actually heard that song before, but I tried to capture the feel of the lyrics with this. I wrote most of it in Rin's pov since I usually write the territorial Rin bits from Ryuuji's pov. I hope you enjoy.

TW/CW for some possessive behavior. It's basically the point of the story, but I didn't do anything extreme or bad. Rin is happy with the relationship and Ryuuji isn't violent.

— — — — —

For a surprisingly long time, Rin didn’t notice anything. It had also taken him a solid month of heavy flirting and Ryuuji holding his hand to realize that he handsome punk wanted to date him, so Rin wasn’t exactly claiming that he was particularly observant. Even when he did notice something, it was usually just a glare or a muttered conversation, and nothing substantial. Ryuuji’s neutral expression looked a bit like a glare, and he muttered whenever he was thinking through something. Rin just grinned, held Ryuuji’s hand, and continued on his merry way none the wiser.

It wasn’t until they were in a fight that the pieces started to slot together.

Not until he was clawing his way through some gigantic sluggy thing that stank like moldy socks and trying to stop it from getting near Konekomaru who was trying to find the right death verse for the ghost-thingy Izumo was fighting.

He was distracted by the grossness of the monster he was fighting and didn’t hear or feel the other demon getting closer. He didn’t feel or hear anything until there was a shout and a horribly loud blast inches away. He tore his hand free of the sludge this disgusting demon was made of (he was going to need to sterilize his entire body because EW!) and twisted with a snarl to see Ryuuij inches away, bazooka smoking and expression fierce.

There was something smoking at his feet. The remains of something Rin couldn’t identify. He blinked at it in confusion and missed the moment Ryuuji moved and grabbed him by his shirt. He was hauled forward and into a searing kiss that had his hands flailing a bit uselessly at his side as he was kissed wildly.

“Fucker tried to stab you in the back,” Ryuuji growled when Rin was released. He swayed dangerously, a little dizzy and completely forgetting he was on a battle field. Holy shit, he couldn’t feel his knees at all. His entire body was buzzing from that kiss, and if he hadn’t been on fire before, he sure was now.

“Heh?” He managed after an embarrassing moment. He grabbed Ryuuji by his arms and accidentally smeared some of the slug’s goo on his impressive biceps.

“That demon tried to backstab you,” Ryuuji answered, glaring at the remains and slipping an arm around Rin’s waist to tug him closer. Rin could suddenly understand why all those romance novels he would never admit to reading had the girls swooning back on the covers when the guys grabbed them like this. Ryuuji’s arm was strong enough to hold him up entirely, and suddenly being hugged close to Ryuuji’s broad chest after that kiss had him even more light headed. Add in the way Ryuuji was growling his words, and it was really just a wonder Rin hadn’t joined the slug in turning into a pile of (smitten) goo.

He blinked, trying to work through the words as his mind reeled from how hot Ryuuji looked with that fierce scowl, and when they finally clicked, he could only grin.

“Their mistake.” He pressed up on his tip-toes because his stupidly hot boyfriend was also stupidly tall, and kissed the grumpy cheek. “Thanks!”

Turning around in Ryuuji’s arm, he sent a blast of flames at the remains of the slug monster. He missed the dark look Ryuuji sent the other demons still circling around, but he didn’t miss the quietly murmured threat. (Or was it a promise?)

“No one fucks with you.”

Rin grinned with lips that still felt a little tingly. He could trust Ryuuji to have his back.

(So maybe the pieces didn’t start to fit just then.)

— — — — —

It became a bit more obvious when they were at the concert. Kinzou’s band didn’t quite play his favorite kind of music, but it was loud and energetic, and the people were jumping and yelling, and that kind of energy was contagious. He could feel it vibrating through his entire body, and he loved the feeling. He’d about shouted himself hoarse though, and that was a feeling he didn’t love.

Hauling himself up with Ryuuji’s shoulder, he pressed a quick to his cheek and half said/half shouted that he was going to get a drink. Ryuuji nodded his understanding, squeezed Rin’s hip, and asked for a water. Rin left with a grin and weaved his way through the crowd to the drink counter.

“Two waters, please!” He didn’t have to shout quite as loud over here, which was good because his throat was kind of sore and any kind of soreness always put him at risk for flaming up. The bar tender nodded, looking mildly irritated by his order.

Rin leaned his arms on the bar while he waited for his drinks and glanced back over his shoulder at the swaying crowd. His friends were near the middle, most of them bouncing to the beat with Ryuuji and Yukio watching and shouting along. They all looked happy, and that made him smile wide enough to show his fangs.

“Hey, don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

Rin’s head snapped back around to find a man standing right next to him. Like right next to him. Close enough that Rin could see dark roots in his shaggy blond hair. He had a few piercings on his normal ears, and a stud in his lip. His clothes were dark and worn, but well fitted. Not a bad look over all.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, first time here. I know the band.” He nodded his head towards Kinzou who was taking a moment to drink. Rin wasn’t sure how he ever managed to talk with the way he screeched his lyrics.

“Wanna know me?” The guy asked, propping his arm on the bar and leaning closer.

Huh. Rin hadn’t been hit on like that before. Not that he remembered anyway. That was a Shima quality line. (In other words, terrible.)

“Uh, no thanks. I already got a boyfriend.” He had a Ryuuji, and even thinking about the way Ryuuji’s hands had felt on his hips while they danced to the music was enough to send chuchi fluttering up wildly in his stomach. He was going to dance close a little more and then he was pulling Ryuuji into some dark corner to kiss until they were breathless.

“Hey, no, come on,” the boy reached back over and caught his arm, trying to turn him back around. He wasn’t nearly strong enough to manage it, but being unexpectedly touched wasn’t comfortable. “At least give me your name and number.”

“I said no.” Rin jerked his arm free and stepped away only for the guy to follow.

“Here, I’ll show you how. I’m Souta Tanaka. Let me see your phone and I can just put my number in.”

There were waters right there. Rin was about to just snatch them up and bolt. He was faster than anyone here, and he didn’t like this kind of attention in this sort of place. It was kinda dangerous for him to get too close to normal people who might not know about the whole demon thing, or might only know a little bit about it. Just a simple shove from him could be enough to punt this guy through a wall.

Why wouldn’t this guy accept a ‘no’ as an answer?

"Leave me alone, man. I'm not interested."

"Someone as cute as you can't possibly be satisfied with one guy. Come on, at least give me a chance. I can show you things you've never dreamed of."

Rin stepped back again. He could make this boy go away if he was just allowed to use his flames. Hell, if he was just allowed to show his fangs. Though with the way this seemed to be going, that might just make this dick more determined. Ugh.

"Lay off, man." Rin did not like the way the guy kept looking at him. He didn’t like the lecherous stare with the way the boy wasn’t listening to him. He was awesome, but that didn’t mean just anyone could stare like that. He wasn’t some piece of meat.

"You go to True Cross? Rich or something? Maybe I can meet ya there sometime."

Was Rin speaking in Gehenna or something? And how the hell did he know Rin went to True Cross?

Rin opened his mouth to respond again (for all the good it was doing him) right as a broad hand landed on his right shoulder and pulled him back into a solid chest.

"He said no. Now fuck off." Ryuuji's words were growled menacingly as the hand on Rin's shoulder slipped down along his arm to curl around his waist and pull him even closer, entirely swallowing up any remaining space between their bodies. His tail was trapped between them now, which was fine because it had started flicking in irritation around Rin’s chest.

"Hey, I saw him first," The other boy, whose name Rin had already forgotten, said as he tried to step closer. Ryuuji neatly twisted on his heel, turning himself closer to the boy and Rin further away. It also made it obvious just how much taller and bulkier Ryuuji was. Rin got his first clear view of Ryuuji's handsome face, and the fierce expression there immediately has something hot running through his blood. He didn't know where Ryuuji had come from or how he knew Rin had attracted a creep's attention, but damn, he was glad he had. Ryuuji could play the white knight anytime. (He wore the look so well.)

“You didn’t,” Rin said, but both the boys ignored him.

“He’s my boyfriend, so get lost.” Ryuuji eyed the boy and smirked. “You couldn’t begin to handle him.”

“You—” Ryuuji didn’t wait for the response. He marched off, arm still firmly around Rin and half dragging, half escorting him away from the bar and waters as well. Ryuuji didn’t stop until they were out of the main room and in the back by what looked like some kind of maintenance closet.

Ryuuji stopped walking and released Rin’s waist just long enough to turn him around so they were facing, and then Rin’s back was hitting the wall and Ryuuji’s lips were against his. Ryuuji’s right hand was curved around his hip, holding him against the wall and his left hand was tangled in Rin’s hair, holding him tight and close and moving him right where Ryuuji wanted.

Rin’s mind was happily blank for a long moment. Entirely happy with the way he was being kissed and corralled against the wall, and the solid wall that was Ryuuji in front of him and flush against him. Rin immediately opened up for the kiss, clinging to Ryuuji’s arms and tipping into the pressure. Ryuui took his mouth with teeth and tongue, and the heat in Rin wanted to explode outwards. He forced it down, keeping an iron lock on it as his boyfriend’s weight pushed him so there was nowhere to go. He felt hyper aware of every inch of his hot skin, and entirely confused by the dizzying kisses. They’d had a talk about pda—awkward as it was—and Ryuuji had been on the ‘not a fan’ team.

He was panting a few minutes later with a racing heart and a flush on his cheeks as he gaped up at his boyfriend. There was no mistaking the way Ryuuji was holding him as anything but possessive. With the way his mouth was tingling and how warm and desperate he already was, Rin felt entirely owned, and he wasn’t sure if that was thrilling or terrifying.

(It was hard to be anything but thrilling when his blood was pounding like this and Ryuuji was still holding him against this wall.)

“No one,” Ryuuji growled again, brown eyes furious and demanding, “messes with you.”

“How’d you even know?”

“That that creep was pawing at you?” Well, Rin wouldn’t have put it like that, but yeah. That was essentially his question. He nodded. Ryuuji scowled. “Was watching you. Figured you only had another moment or two before those flames were out.” Ryuuji shifted his fingers through Rin’s hair in a tender way. “Fucker didn’t deserve to see you like that. Didn’t deserve to even touch you.”

Rin was pretty sure he was flickering right now, because this was a heady kind of feeling. Heavy and filling, and something he could probably choke on. It should be suffocating, the way Ryuuji was pushing him against this wall and all the unspoken things in that statement, but Rin didn’t feel crushed. He felt seen, and weirdly understood. He was a wild thing, and Ryuuji made him feel wild, but also a bit tamed. Like Ryuuji knew what Rin was capable of, and was determined to make sure no one got close enough to draw the dangerous things out.

It made him hot and needy, and Ryuuji was still staring down at him with those fierce eyes, so Rin did the only thing he could think to do. He grabbed Ryuuji’s chain necklace and dragged him down into another kiss filled with fangs, because he was a dangerous thing and Ryuuji could absolutely take it. Ryuuji wanted it, and Rin was all too happy to comply.

— — — — —

Rin was fire personified, and he’d been Ryuuji’s since he leapt in front of that idiotic reaper. That insignificant toad that had thought it could stand against the fire in Rin’s eyes.

Rin wasn’t just the warmth of sitting near a campfire, or the comfort of the hearth. Though he was those things. He was the life and love of a kitchen and the heart of a home. He was just so much more than that. He was an inferno. He was the devastation and chaos of an out of control fire, and he could consume everything. He was the most dangerous thing in Assiah or Gehenna, and he could take either of those if he wanted to.

The worlds were lucky he didn’t want to.

Rin was not something to be fucked with, and their connection wasn’t either. It baffled him that there were demons and people who would try to get between them like they possibly could. As if Ryuuji wasn’t capable of eliminating threats, and as if Rin was something that could possibly be stopped by anything. That there were still people who thought what they had was evil somehow, whether it was because they were both men (and such small minded thinking was pathetic) or because Rin was the son of Satan.

Let them hate. Ryuuji didn’t give a fuck about their opinions. He’d smash through their opinions and hate to stay with Rin. He was happy to soak in the warmth from Rin’s inferno and watch the chaos unfold on anything that tried to stop him.

Rin was his, and nothing was getting between them.

#bonrin #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #rin okumura #my tumblr fics #bonfire #ryuuji suguro #bon suguro #ryuji suguro #aoex #bon/rin #hope this was the sort of thing you wanted

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 16th, 2021

#spencer reid #Criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #diwk #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds re write

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

For your WIP thing, can I ask about Hugs for MK? I think he might need them.

Okay, so I know this WIP game was from like, three months ago but like I've been wanting to answer this since you sent it... thee months ago... HGJKALSDFAW ANYWAYS LEMME BE SELF INDULGENT AND ANSWER IT ANYWAYS

Hugs for Mk is basically just a fic based off the art I did, and it's exactly what it sounds like: the boy gets some dang hugs. Gets a chapter with p much each character and it's about the first time he got a hug from them. It's the gosh darn softest thing I've ever written in my life and I'm finally JUMPING AT THE CHANCE TO SHARE A LITTLE EVEN IF IT'S A LITTLE LATE HGJLKDMFAWEF

I have been scrolling through this fic for ten minutes IT'S SO HARD TO CHOOSE JUST ONE BIT TO SHARE HGLAKDSMFOWEF

On the eleventh try Mk somehow managed to avoid letting his character meet their end, and they… won.

Mei shrieked, and Mk’s shocked gape stretched into an ecstatic grin.

“We did it!” Mei shouted, and Mk yelled a cheer along with her. She nearly tackled him, flinging her arms around him around him tight enough that it was hard to breathe, and she smooshed her face right into his, rubbing their cheeks together, practically smothering him with her embrace, and he loved every second of it.

She pulled back with a start, much too soon, looking a little flustered and apologizing for some reason, but Mk couldn’t stop smiling, breathless and happy and a little red from not being able to breathe properly. His headband was askew and he was sure his hair was a mess now, his jacket even more rumpled than before, and he pulled her back into a hug, before she could keep apologizing.

She made a surprised sound, but then she was laughing, and he was laughing, and she hugged him just as tightly as before, except this time his arms weren’t pinned to his sides so he could hug her back, which he did, smiling so big his cheeks started to hurt.

Mei finally pulled back, grinning, somehow even brighter than before.

It was Mk’s favourite hug ever.

She stopped by the noodle shop a lot more after that, with many more hugs, and Mk had a best friend.

YEAH ANYWAYS I'M ;A;

LOVE THIS ONE

Thanks for the ask and sorry it took a while hglak;sdfmawef <3

#HUGS FOR MK MY BELOVED #wip game #ask game #knox rambles #asks #reblog #this is how I spent my morning and i have NO REGRETS #HGGHFJKLDSFMASL;F #Monkie Kid #I'm ever so slowly working through my asks #ghalsdkfmawoef :'D #there's a lot of em #72 #HA GET IT SEVENTY TWO TRANFORMA--

[harryimaginedstories]

Can we pls get a part 2 to What we once were? Literally crying rn I love it sm

Hi :) Ok I'm really flattered you enjoyed that one!! Like - Honestly it means the world.

I wrote it a long time ago, but the reason I can't really give you a second part is that it's based on something that I experienced as a Teenager. It's a rough take on the first time I was in love and the story concludes somewhat how it ended for me. To give you a "part 2" or really a run down to what happened to the real life characters: I didn't delete the chat. I responded and agreed to meet him a few days later. He was eager to meet up immediately but I managed to push it back to meet him in public and on my terms. It was crushing when I didn't receive the apology I'd hoped for. I'd hoped he would to the very least tell me how sorry he was. I would have hoped that he'd say he regretted treating me that way and that he would change and make an effort to be better for me. After not showing up as promised we rescheduled and he gave me a loose hug, mumbled a sorry and disappeared again after telling his friends "everything's great again!". I was beyond embarrassed. And in all honesty I resigned after that. I loved him so much. I can't stress enough how much I loved him. To this day I'm sure I since didn't love anybody as much as I did him. But he'd also hurt me harder than anyone else ever had. He'd hurt my pride. And to be honest, I think when your heart is broken your pride is all you have - at least that's what it felt like for me. So when he disappointed me with his half arsed apology and in the following weeks tried to act like I was an accessory to him - I slowly became furious. After only maybe three weeks of being somewhat ok again, we stumbled into another situation in which he took over talking for me. He made it a habit to make decisions for me, put me into a situation with somebody else that I didn't want to be in. And while pride may be a flaw sometimes, in this case it saved me. Because I felt so truly angered that he treated me as an inferior after he owed me - well, I basically just got up and left. And then I broke off every contact, rejected any of his advances and disappeared from his life.

I made sure to cut off his friends, too. I spent the rest of the year socialising with other people and built a solid friend group completely cut off from anybody who still spent time with him. I think partially because of my withdrawl he tried harder. For months he called out to me whenever he saw me from a distance or had my friends tell me how sorry he was. It was incredibly hard to keep rejecting the advances, but I'm sure it would have been fatal if I'd let him close again.

While I focused on doing better, he did worse. He grew popular with the wrong crowds, started getting into drugs and what not. He was eventually sent away and disappeared. I didn't see him for probably months, then only once a year - even less. We never spoke again until I stumbled into him years later, drunk and lost it laughing because he'd grown a beard. It's funny to me now that the first and last words after years of loving him were "Since when have you got a beard?" before laughing so much my belly hurt. It must have hurt him which I regret now. But I also don't because he deserves it.

He never dated that other girl I was worried about. She did her own set of messed up things so lots of our friends ended up not really liking her all that much. If he's been with others I don't know, but I assume he dated new people he met wherever it is he was sent to. I'm in college now and changed a lot. I have a clear view on what I allow others to do with and to me and what I'll never ever tolerate again. He's employed somewhere, doing ok I think, but I'm honestly not sure if he managed to get away from using drugs and violence as the answers to his problems. He reached out to one of my friends a few months ago and sounded like he was happy with where he is. He didn't directly ask about me, only alluded to it. She knows that I've got him blocked on pretty much everything, so she didn't elaborate on me.

I'm glad he's got a steady job and that he seems happy. But unless a therapist told him to try, I hope he never reaches out to me again.

This is not a part two but it's the best I can do. And it's honest. x