#i've been wanting to do for three fucking years or so

[sunkissed-zegras]

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐎, 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓'𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 ─ PB⁵

౨ৎ ─ summary | this is part one, brother's best friend trope! bryce and paige had been best friends since they were kids, and she's never really been close to his little sister, y/n until she transfers to uconn after a tumultuous freshman year.

─ word count | 10k words (holy fuck i'm so sorry)

─ warnings | VERY UNEDITED (just wanted to get this masterpiece out for yall since i've been teasing for a couple months) brother's best friend trope, language, kinda suggestive, couple kisses pretty fluffy, lots of tension, pretty fast-paced, LOTSSSSS of straight up yap, allusions to SA but could be interpreted as something else, drinking/alcohol usage, idk nothing else?

─ ev's notes | this might be straight up trash but this was a request from like early march, i wanted to do it justice and hopefully ???? i did. i'm gonna be honest, i blacked out while writing this and i'm too lazy to edit but hopefully it's good enough for yall!!!!!!!

pls lmk what yall thought!!!!!! i love hearing yalls feedback in my inbox 💘💘 mwah mwah mwah, enjoy!!!!!!

⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!

"LET'S GO, THAT'S MY BOY!" PAIGE SHOUTS loudly from the stands, earning a few amused glances from others in the bleacher.

Bryce, her best friend, hadn't done anything special but Paige was the ultimate hype-woman. Bryce heard her shout and shot her his signature smirk before focusing back on the game. They'd know each other since middle school ─ and they've been practically inseparable since.

After winning the game by 3 points, Paige walked through the crowd to try and find Bryce. And after searching for a moment, she spotted Bryce talking with a girl outside the locker room and began walking toward them. Before she could tease him, she quickly recognized the familiar face.

"Y/N?" She called out and both of the siblings turned around. Paige was almost shocked at how much you'd grown up. She glanced up and down, taking in your appearance.

"Paige!" Your eyes widened, your lips curving up in a smile as the taller blonde pulled you into a tight hug. "How the hell did you manage to get even taller?"

Paige chuckled as she squeezed you tightly in the embrace. "I guess I just can't help it," she joked, releasing you from the hug but keeping her hands on your shoulders as she looked at you. The last time she saw her sophomore year at UConn and your senior year at Hopkins, which has been almost three years.

After your senior year, your parents moved out to your grandparents house up in Colorado so even during holidays, she didn't see you or your brother anymore.

You grinned, shaking your head in amusement. "Well, you definitely make me feel short," you joked back.

"Well, you are short. Don't know how Brycey here got so tall." Paige teased as you laughed. Paige was shocked at how much you'd changed; your skin was glowing, your hair was longer, you'd gotten your braces off, you finally found your sense of style... She couldn't help but stare.

"Well, I guess he got all the height genes," you joked, playfully poking fun at Bryce's towering stature. "Maybe not the cute genes, though."

That's for sure, Paige thought to herself as she gazed at you. She realized she was staring before she glanced back at Bryce, a laugh escaping her mouth.

"Okay, okay." Bryce rolled his eyes as you joined Paige's laughter. "Me and the boys are gonna go celebrate. You guys down?"

"Well, I'm still trying to unpack-"

Paige cut you off as she spoke for you. "Oh, we're down. You can unpack later, B will help you."

"Wait, what." Bryce looked in between you two as he scoffed.

Paige flashed Bryce a smirk, clearly enjoying the moment. "Yep, you heard right. Consider it a big brother duty."

"I didn't sign up to be her brother." Bryce rolled his eyes playfully but quickly relented as Paige sent him a mocking glare. "Fine, fine whatever."

You chuckled at Paige and Bryce, realizing how much you'd missed their banter. "Looks like I've got myself a brand new big brother," you teased, giving Bryce a playful nudge.

Bryce grinned, shaking his head in amusement. "Lucky you," he replied with a smirk, playfully ruffling your hair.

"Hey! I just got a blowout!"

──

You and Paige sat in a different table than the team, opting for a table without a group of noisy college boys. Neither of you minded though, you finally had the chance to catch up since either of you had seen each other in so long.

"So, how's basketball?" You sipped on your fountain drink as Paige chewed on the pizza, trying to swallow quickly to speak. You let out a laugh at Paige's eagerness to talk about her sport.

"Basketball's been good, really intense this season," Paige replied once she managed to swallow her bite of pizza. "We've been training hard, but it's paying off. We're getting some great wins," she continued, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

You nodded, feeling a surge of pride for Paige. "I know, I've been keeping up with your games. Dad always watches your games and texts us updates on the groupchat, it's so funny."

Paige laughed, your family had always been really supportive of her ─ they'd slowly become her second family. "Dude, that's so funny. He doesn't even like basketball."

"He probably watches more of your games than Bryce's," you quipped with a playful grin, earning a chuckle from Paige.

"Don't let Bryce hear you, he'll kill me." Paige shook her head in amusement as she took another bite of the pizza. "Anyway, how are you liking UConn? Bryce told you'd transferred but you know how my schedule can be-"

"No, Paige, I totally get it." You smiled softly at her, nodding understandingly. "UConn's been great, actually. It's been a big adjustment, but I'm starting to settle in."

"I'm glad you liked it. Honestly, I never knew why you didn't come here in the first place ─ imagine, two of L/N at UConn." She exaggerated as you laughed, finishing up your slice of piece of pizza.

You chuckled at Paige's playful exaggeration, shaking your head in amusement. "I just didn't wanna go too far from home."

Paige understood why you were so scared, she remembers how shy you were when you were a kid. You really kept to yourself, the only reason why people even knew of you was because of your brother, who was a basketball legend. But seeing you now, she's sure no one would believe her.

You carried yourself so much differently, you were so much more well-spoken and confident. But it was a subtle difference, you hadn't changed so drastically to the point where she didn't even recognize you. You had kept all the parts that made you, you and gotten more comfortable in your own skin. You were so alluring to Paige, something about you just made her feel good.

"I get it, but hey. You're here now." Paige grinned as she finally finished up her food. She glanced around the shop before she turned back to you. "Do you wanna go walk around campus? I can show you around, so you know where all cool places are at."

If Paige was being honest, she just wanted to spend some more time alone with you. She convinced herself it was simply because she'd wanted to catch up more, I mean... she hadn't seen you in over two years.

You glanced over at Bryce, he was so engulfed with his friends you were sure he had forgotten you were even here. Plus, you did want to go explore the campus a little more. You snapped your gaze back to Paige, a small smile playing on your face.

"Sure, let's go."

You and Paige got up from the booth and left the shop, out into the cool night air. Despite the late hour, it wasn't completely empty ─ there were a couple people still out. You began walking, the cool air flowing through your hair.

Paige glanced back at you, continuing to analyze you and how much you'd grown up the last year. She'd always been closer to Bryce because they shared so many interests but also because you'd always been very shy and closed off. Up until your sophomore year, she hadn't really talked to you ─ but now, it felt familiar but different all at once.

However, Paige didn't mind one bit. She'd always wanted to be closer to you and now it seemed like the perfect time.

You caught her gaze and mirrored her smile, amusement evident in your expression. "What?"

"What do you mean, what?" She mocked your voice and you shook your head in faux-annoyance. "Can't I look at you? I mean jeez, you... you were always pretty but damn."

You let out a breathless laugh as you rolled your eyes, despite the warm feeling that began to form on your face. Paige had always had the teasing personality but for some reason, it felt different now ─ more personal. Maybe you were just over analyzing it. "Shut up, says you."

"What about me?" Paige teased as her gaze lingered on your face. The cool air did nothing to soothe the awful warm feeling on your face as you scoffed, Paige was such a tease.

You stumbled over your words as Paige laughed, trying to explain yourself. "Well... you know what I mean. You're really pretty."

Paige's laughter softened into a warm smile, and for a moment, the air seemed charged with a new sense of closeness between you. "Aw, thanks, Y/N," she replied, her tone sincere as she reached out to gently nudge your shoulder.

You felt a rush of relief at her response, grateful that she hadn't misinterpreted your awkward attempt at complimenting her. "Yeah, of course," you replied as shy smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"I mean... you're always teasing me, and now you're all... complimenting me and stuff," you stammered, feeling the weight of Paige's gaze on you.

Paige's expression softened, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Hey, I'm just speaking the truth. You know," she replied, her voice soft and sincere. "When we were in high school I knew, like five guys who had the biggest crushes on you."

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion as you laughed, why would she bring that up? "Really? Well no one ever asked me out," your tone came out amused but there was an underlying hurt to it.

Paige shook her head as she scoffed, "Yeah it's Bryce's fault. He told all the boys if they ever asked you out, he'd break their kneecaps or some shit like that."

You burst into laughter at Paige's remark, the tension dissipating as you realized the absurdity of the situation. "Seriously? Bryce said that?"

Paige nodded, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh yeah, he was very protective of you. Said something about not wanting anyone to break your heart or something like that."

"Well, I guess that explains why no one ever asked me out," you replied with a chuckle, feeling a sense of gratitude for your brother's unwavering support. "I don't blame him, the boys on the basketball teams were always sluts."

"Sluts is one way to put it," She laughed at your wording, nudging you playfully. "Looks like you were always off-limits." Paige wet her lips as she kept gazing at you, a smile playing on her lips. You didn't miss the way her tone shifted, her eyes scanning your body.

You couldn't help but notice the change in Paige's demeanor, the way her laughter faded into a more contemplative silence. Her gaze felt almost... lingering, and you couldn't shake the feeling of warmth that spread through you under her scrutiny.

There was something different in the way she looked at you, something that sent a shiver down your spine and made your heart race. As the moment stretched on, you felt a rush of uncertainty wash over you. What was happening between you and Paige? Was it just a fleeting moment of attraction, or something more?

You felt like your mind was racing, you were absolutely insane. You couldn't gather your thoughts as you swallowed.

"Yeah, I guess so," you replied, your voice slightly breathless as you tried to shake off the wave of uncertainty. Paige's playful teasing had taken on a new tone, one that left you feeling both exhilarated and very, very nervous.

Paige's smile widened into a smirk. "So, what about now? Are you still off-limits?" She asked, her voice low and. And before you could respond, she continued. "You know, you've really grown up a lot since high school,"

"Thanks, Paige," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to meet her gaze.

Paige's gaze softened, her gaze lingering on you in a way that made your cheeks flush with heat. "Anytime." She replied, her tone light. "So, where's your dorm?"

You cleared your throat, trying to compose yourself as you gestured in the direction of your dorm. "It's just a couple of blocks from here, Hilltop Halls"" you replied, your voice a little steadier than before.

"Oh shit, me too. How'd you manage that?" Paige laughed as she shook her head in amusement. Those were usually the dorms for student athletes and honors students, and she didn't recall you being either.

You shrugged, a sheepish grin spreading across your face. "Honestly, I have no idea. Just got lucky with the housing assignment, I guess."

Paige raised an eyebrow as she eyed you. "Hmm, mysterious," she teased as she smirked, her tone suggestive. "Maybe you have some hidden talents you haven't told me about."

You burst out laughing, rolling your eyes. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

Paige kept smirking back at you before you nudged her shoulder playfully, she let out a couple chuckles. "Hey, I don't know what you've been up in college. Who knows, you might be a party girl or something."

"Oh shut up," you couldn't hide the smirk as she let out a dramatic gasp.

"You are a party girl! Bad, bad girl Y/N." She tsk'd dramatically as you rolled your eyes. "Does Bryce know you're out here causing trouble?" Paige continued, her voice dripping with mock concern.

You laughed, shaking your head at Paige's exaggerated antics. "Oh please, Bryce doesn't need to know anything,"

Paige smirked, her gaze lingering on you with a playful glint. "Well, then, it'll be our little secret then."

You and Paige arrived at the entrance to Hilltop Halls, walking into the building then up the stairs. "What floor are you on?" Paige's voice rung in the otherwise, pretty dead hallway.

You glanced over at Paige, a smile playing on your lips. "I'm on the third floor," you replied, leading the way up the staircase. "It's not too far."

"Damn, I'm on the fifth floor." She spoke as she followed closely behind you, her footsteps echoing softly on the stairs as you ascended to the third floor. "But I do know someone who lives on this floor."

And right as those words flew out of her mouth, the door on their right opened to reveal a very tired KK. Paige let out a laugh at the coincidence, looking in between you two.

"Well, speak of the devil," Paige remarked with a grin, her eyes dancing with amusement.

KK rubbed her eyes sleepily, a yawn escaping her lips. "Hey, Paige. Who's your friend?" Her lips curved into a tired but otherwise friendly smile.

"It's Bryce's little sister. She just transferred and she lives on this floor," Paige introduced you with a warm smile. "Y/N, meet KK, one of my teammates."

"Oh, Bryce's little sister? What are you doing with his little sister?" KK's smile turned into a smirk as she raised her eyebrows, gazing at Paige knowingly.

"Oh shut up, it's not like that." Paige's face blushed as KK laughed, examining you with a smile. "She's like a sister to me."

KK's smirk widened as she continued to tease Paige. "Uh-huh, sure she is," she replied, her tone laced with amusement.

Paige rolled her eyes, her cheeks flushing slightly as she shot KK a mock glare. "Seriously, KK. Bryce would kill me," she insisted.

"Yeah and you always like a challenge." KK raised her eyebrows before she finally met your gaze "You're a lot prettier than Brycey, I'll tell you that. Nice to meet you, Y/N," her gaze lingered on you longer than Paige liked, sending her a glare (that went unnoticed by you).

You smiled, feeling grateful for the warm welcome from both Paige and KK. "Thanks, KK. It's nice to meet you too," you replied warmly.

Before KK could respond, Paige grabs your arm and flashed you a grin. "Well, it's getting late and Y/N needs her beauty sleep. I'll see you later KK, love you."

Paige's words came out quick as she practically dragged you down the hallway, KK letting out another laugh. "Nice meeting you, KK! See you around," you called out with a smile.

As you guys finally got to your dorm room, Paige gave you a smile. "Sorry 'bout that, KK just likes to tease."

"No worries, Paige. It's all good," you reassured her with a smile, appreciating her protective nature. "She seems really fun."

Paige returned your smile, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Yeah, she is. She means well."

There was a comfortable silence as you gazed at each other for a few moments. Paige was the first to break the eye contact, chucking as her gaze lingered on the door then back to you.

"This was fun," Paige remarked, her voice soft but filled with warmth as she glanced around the hallway. "Let's hang out more, yeah?"

"Yeah." You smiled as your cheeks flushed slightly, nervously chuckling. "Just let me know when, cus I know you're a busy woman."

"I definitely will," she assured you, her tone eager. "And don't worry, I'll make time for you."

You flushed as you gazed back at the blonde. "Thanks, P. Really,"

"Why are you thanking me, I'm your friend. Of course I'm gonna make time for you," Paige scoffed as if it meant nothing at all.

"Well you're a student athlete-"

"So what?" Paige laughed as she shook her. "You have to get inside your room before we talk out here for another hour,"

"Alright, alright, I'm going," you replied with a grin. "Goodnight, Paige,"

"Goodnight."

With a final wave, you entered your dorm room, ready to settle in for the night but you couldn't help but grin. Your cheeks had begun to hurt from how much you'd been laughing, you couldn't remember the last time you'd laughed that hard. And it was all because of a certain blonde.

You shook your head as you sighed at your own thoughts, you needed to relax. That's just how Paige is ─ flirty and a tease, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

──

"How was it?" Bryce's voice snapped you back to reality, pulling your attention away from the task at hand. You blinked, lost in thought as you turned to face Bryce.

You and Bryce had been silently sorting through your stuff for the past half hour, both too exhausted (and maybe a little hungover, in Bryce's case) to engage in much conversation.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you turned to face him. "How was what?"

"Hanging out with Paige?" Bryce's voice slightly agitated as he spoke in a matter-of-factly tone.

His question caught you off guard, and you paused for a moment before responding. "Oh, it was good. We caught up and uh, walked around campus," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the butterflies at the mention of the girl you'd been thinking about non-stop for the last 24 hours.

"Turns out she lives a few floors above me," you added with a smile as you kept on sorting through your make-up.

"Oh, wait." Bryce paused as he processed the information, realization striking his expression as he smiled. "Oh, yeah! And the rest of the girl's basketball team, too. That's cool, though now I can just hang out with you for an hour and then Paige, don't have to waste gas or anything."

"You just realized that?" Your voice was amused as you glanced at Bryce, shaking your head in disbelief at your brother's stupidity.

Bryce chuckled, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "Hey, cut me some slack. My brain's still waking up," he replied with a grin. "Why'd you and Paige decide to run off like that. I looked away for two seconds and you were both gone."

"Well, uh..." You didn't know why you were so nervous under Bryce's gaze ─ it wasn't like he was accusing you of anything nor have you done anything wrong. "We just felt left out cus you were with your boys. And we needed some fresh air."

Bryce raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "Fresh air, huh?"

"Yeah, you know, just wanted to stretch our legs a bit," you replied with a shrug, hoping to brush off any suspicion.

And as if right on cue, you heard a knock on your door. Before you could call out to whoever it was, the familiar voice spoke up. "It's me, open up."

Bryce dropped the piece of clothing he was folding to open the door for Paige, a smile on his face. You leaned so you could also greet her, a bright smile on your face.

Paige laughed as she took in Bryce's disheveled appearance. "How hungover are you, 1 to 10?"

Bryce just rolled his eyes and opened your door wider so that Paige could enter the room as he walked away to continue the task at hand. "Shut up, Paige."

"Ooo, someone's cranky." Paige's voice was laced with amusement as you began laughing, soon joined by Paige as Bryce glared at the two of you.

Paige chuckled as she stepped into the room, glancing around with curiosity. "So, how's the unpacking going?"

You shrugged, gesturing to the scattered boxes and bags around the room. "We're getting there."

"Well I have something that might help you unwind. We have a kickback at my friend's place, are you two down?" Paige's invitation took you by surprise, but the prospect of unwinding after a long day of unpacking sounded appealing. You glanced over at Bryce, silently gauging his reaction.

"Not tonight, I'm still recovering from last night. And uh... I don't think you should either, you're gonna be hungover as hell." Bryce's voice was filled with concern as he glanced toward you then back at Paige.

Paige just rolled her eyes at his words. "Hey, don't let Brycey over here ruin the good mood. It'll be fun. And B, would I ever let anything bad happen to your little sister?"

Bryce's concern for both of your well-being was evident, but Paige's reassurance seemed to alleviate some of his worries. He sighed, shaking his head in resignation. "Whatever, just don't drink."

"Says you, I'm pretty sure you're still drunk right now." You joked as Paige swallowed a laugh as she exchanged a glance with both you and Bryce.

Bryce just rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Just remember what I said."

Paige waved him off with a grin, turning back to you. "So, what do you say, Y/N? Kickback tonight?"

Your lips curved into a smile as you nodded. "Yes, for sure."

──

The party was going great, it was exactly what you needed after a weekend of just unpacking and settling in. It wasn't as big as you were used to but you were still having fun with Paige and her friends.

However, you did take Bryce's advice and opt out on the drinking, at least for tonight. You didn't wanna make a fool out of yourself in front of all the D1 athletes you were suddenly best friends with.

"Can't believe you're Bryce's little sister," Azzi laughed as she took you in once again. You were so much more put together and very pretty.

You chuckled, feeling a little self-conscious under Azzi's gaze despite her very friendly demeanor. "Yeah, I get that a lot," you replied with a smile, trying to remain modest despite the compliment.

Azzi nudged you playfully. "Well, you'll fit right in with us. Maybe even better than Bryce does," she teased, earning a laugh from Paige.

"He doesn't fit in with us. He fits in with Paige and KK, not us. He's very..." Ice tried to put into words but decided to just shrug, a sheepish smile on her lips. "He's just Bryce. No offense,"

You laughed at Ice's comment, nodding your head in amusement. "None taken. Yeah you're right, Bryce is... well, he's Bryce," you replied, knowing exactly what Ice meant.

Bryce had always been a bit of a character, and while you loved him dearly, you could understand why people might not get along with him.

Azzi laughed, nodding in agreement. "Exactly! But you, on the other hand, you're like... the cool, mysterious sister," she continued with a playful smile, causing the others to laugh and nod in agreement.

Paige grinned, coming to Bryce's defense per usual. "Hey, leave my boy alone. He's just special, okay? So what if he's cocky and kinda annoying."

"You guys don't know how annoying Bryce can get until you've had to share a hotel room with him," you sighed dramatically as you rolled your eyes.

"God bless you, I couldn't imagine." Ice replied with a chuckle, shaking her head in amusement. "I've heard stories from Paige and KK, the one with the toothbrush," she pretended to gag as Azzi laughed.

"It wasn't that bad-" Paige protested as you shushed her dramatically, laughing.

"It's okay, P, you don't have to lie and defend him." You laughed as Paige rolled her eyes, leaning back on the table with a smirk.

"I'm telling him you said that," Paige threatened with a playful grin, raising an eyebrow in mock warning.

You gasped dramatically, pretending to be frightened. "You wouldn't!"

"Yes, yes I would."

"You would not!"

"Yes, I would!"

Before you could reply, you were suddenly pushed slightly into Paige. Her hands instinctively reach to hold you up by your waist as her expression turns into a protective one as she glares up at the person. Not only were you knocked into, their drink had spilled all over your shirt. You felt the cold liquid seep through your shirt as you stumbled, caught off guard by the sudden push.

"Oh shit, I am so sorry." The man's voice rang out as he looked down at you then Paige. "Didn't see you two there," he spoke as he noted Paige's hands on your waist.

You nodded, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through your cheeks from both the embarrassment of being pushed and the closeness to Paige. "You're all good, don't worry about it."

Paige's grip on your waist loosened as she stepped back, her eyes scanning you to make sure you weren't hurt. "Watch where you're going next time."

However, the man did not walk away after that. His gaze lingered on you as he slowly wet his lips, a smile on his face. "I've never seen you here. You go to UConn?"

You exchanged a glance with Paige, feeling a bit uncomfortable under the man's intense gaze. "Yeah, just transferred here,"

Paige stepped in, her protective instincts kicking in as she subtly positioned herself between you and the man. "We were just heading to the bathroom to clean up. If you'll excuse us."

The guy didn't budge as he kept his gaze on your figure. "You know where that is? Maybe I can show you ladies."

Paige's expression turned icy as she stepped even closer to you, clearly not amused by the man's persistence. "We'll find it ourselves, thanks."

"Come on, don't be like that. I'm just trying to be friendly." he insisted, his tone taking on a slightly aggressive edge.

Azzi and Ice exchanged glances before Paige's nose flared in anger. "If you don't back up right now, I'm gonna punch you in the nose," her voice was sharp as she eyed him up and down.

He sighed as he pushed his hair back before finally backing off, walking away. Paige's grip never left your arm as she gave Ice and Azzi a thumbs up before leading you to the bathroom. She walked next to you, her hand on the small of your back.

As you reached the bathroom, she closed the door behind you with a sigh. A guilty look crossed her features as she met your gaze in the mirror. "I'm sorry about that, Y/N. That guy was way out of line," she apologized, her voice tinged with frustration.

You met Paige's gaze in the mirror, appreciating her concern. "It's okay, Paige," you assured her, giving her a grateful smile.

Paige returned the smile as she sighed. She grabbed a paper towel then gestured for you to sit on the sink, which you obliged. She wet the paper towel and began cleaning up your shirt that was now soaking wet with beer and God knows what else.

There wasn't much use though, there was no way she was getting it out. But she kept dabbing slowly, catching your gaze every once in a while and giving you a small smile. The moment felt intimidate especially with the close proximity and the gentle touch of her hands on your shirt. You couldn't help but feel a flutter of warmth in your stomach as you watched her, her focused expression softened by the dim lighting of the bathroom.

"So," Paige began as she met your eye. "Tell me more about your party girl era, I bet you lived it up in Minnesota. You were probably the life of the party."

You chuckled softly at Paige's teasing, feeling a slight blush creeping onto your cheeks. "Yeah it was fun for awhile. But y'know... got a bit carried away," your tone slightly changed as you a forced a smile, which didn't go unnoticed by Paige.

Paige noticed the shift in your tone and expression, her playful demeanor softening into one of concern. "Hey, you okay?" she asked gently, her eyes searching yours for any sign of distress.

You sighed, a wave of vulnerability washing over you as you met Paige's gaze. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just... reflecting, I guess," you admitted. "A lot happened at Minnesota, y'know."

You didn't why you were opening up, you hadn't even been drinking that night. It was probably you just needed to talk to someone about it other than your brother or your mom, and Paige was here. She looked confused as she stopped dabbing on your shirt, putting the towel down.

"You wanna talk about it?" Her voice came out soft as she looked into your eyes, and you felt vulnerable but in a good way. You could trust Paige, no matter what.

You hesitated for a moment, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside you. But something about Paige's comforting presence encouraged you to open up. "It's just... a lot of stuff happened back there," you began, your voice wavering slightly. "I made some mistakes, got caught up in things I shouldn't have."

Paige nodded in understanding, her hand reaching out to squeeze yours reassuringly. "We all make mistakes, Y/N. It's part of growing up," she reassured you, her tone gentle.

"They're mistakes I can never... undo, you know." You were being cryptic for a reason, you didn't wanna tell her straight up. "It's bad," you whispered as Paige shook her head.

"They can't be that bad, I promise you. As long as you didn't end up in jail, you're fine." Paige joked slightly as you sighed, leaning back slightly. Paige's expression flickered back to serious. "Wait did you?"

"No, no." You shook your head quickly. "Something may have happened at a party and I wasn't totally aware of it happening until the next day, and um... well, I just left after."

Paige put two and two together as her eyes widened, squeezing your hand. "Oh shit, Y/N."

"Yeah," you whispered softly.

"I... I'm so sorry that happened," Paige pulled you into a hug as you leaned into her embrace, feeling a mixture of relief wash over you. Her comforting presence offered solace in a moment of vulnerability, and you were grateful for her understanding.

"It's okay," you murmured, your voice muffled against her shoulder. "I've been trying to put it behind me, but it's been tough."

"Who else knows?" Paige asked as she pulled away slightly to meet your eyes.

"Just Bryce and my parents. And now, you." You paused, feeling a weight lifting off your shoulders as you shared this burden with Paige. "I haven't really talked about it with anyone else. It's just... hard, you know?"

Paige nodded, her expression filled with empathy. "Thank you for trusting me with this," she said softly, her hand reaching out to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face.

You gazed into her eyes for a few seconds before averting your gaze, feeling nervous. "But that wasn't the only reason why I left. The people there sucked, they were so close-minded and like... awful,"

Paige nodded, she understood how it was like because she had grown up in that town. "I don't know how you stayed that long," she joked slightly as your lips began to curve up into a smile.

"Yeah, well, I guess I was just trying to fit in," you replied with a wry smile, though there was a hint of bitterness in your tone. "But it's hard to fit in when you don't even belong there."

Paige's expression softened as she finally put two and two together. "I get it. It's tough when you're surrounded by people who don't understand or accept you for who you are."

You swallowed hard, feeling a lump forming in your throat as you struggled to find the right words. "Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's not like I ever really belonged there anyway," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Paige's gaze held a mixture of understanding and sympathy as she nodded. "Well, you're here now. And you belong here," she reassured you, her tone firm yet gentle. "And if anyone gets that feeling, it's me," she joked as she rose her eyebrows.

You laughed softly as you met her eyes, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "I'm glad you understand the feeling, then."

Paige gazed back at you, a small smile playing on her lips. She was slightly confused but it didn't even matter, her heart was beating so fast she thought it was about burst. As Paige's heart raced, she found herself drawn to you in a way she hadn't fully realized before.

"Yeah," she murmured softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I understand more than you know."

Paige's smile widened slightly, her eyes reflecting a warmth that sent a shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but feel drawn to her in that moment, your heart fluttering with an unfamiliar sensation.

Before either of you could say anything else, the bathroom door creaked open, interrupting the moment. Ice's voice broke through the quiet atmosphere, pulling you both back to reality.

"Hey, you two still in here?" Ice called out, oblivious to the tension in the air.

Paige cleared her throat, breaking eye contact with you as she turned towards the door. "Yeah, we'll be out in a sec," she called back, her tone casual. "Are you okay with-"

"Yeah, yeah." You responded as you hopped off the sink, grabbing Paige's wrist as you opened the bathroom door. You met Ice's gaze as she noticed the proximity between you two.

Ice's eyebrows raised slightly in curiosity as she took in the scene before her, but she didn't comment on it. Instead, she offered a small smile before turning to lead the way back to where the rest of the group was gathered. Paige pulled you slightly closer as Ice guided you two back to the group, her hand on your waist as she did so.

Her touch seemed to natural, so casual that you didn't even bat an eye. It was as if you both had done this a thousand times before, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Despite the lingering warmth of her touch, you tried to keep your thoughts from straying too far.

──

Hanging out with Paige became a normal occurrence ─ Paige would always come by your dorm after practice, you'd watch a movie or eat dinner together. And on weekends, you were at her dorm playing Fortnite with her friends.

The more time you spent with Paige, the more you found yourself enjoying her company. Whether it was the easy banter between you two or the comfortable silence that sometimes fell between conversations, being with her felt right.

"You headin' to Paige's tonight?" Bryce called out from the kitchen as you entered it.

You nodded as you grabbed a bite of his sandwich, earning a glare from your brother. "Yep, we're probably gonna go out to eat. You wanna come?"

Bryce gave you a skeptical look, a smirk playing on his lips as he shook his head. "Nah, I don't wanna third wheel."

"What do you mean?" You responded as you mimicked his skeptical look, trying to ignore the warmth in your cheek as he gave you another glance. "She's your best friend."

"Yeah and your girlfriend." Bryce joked as you choked out a nervous laugh, immediately diverting your gaze from his and grabbed your purse. Bryce's teasing hit a nerve, causing your cheeks to flush as you tried to maintain your composure.

"Ha ha, very funny," you retorted, hoping to brush off his comment with a casual tone. "We're just really close, you jealous now?"

Bryce raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he ignored your comments. "Sure," he teased, his tone laced with amusement as he watched you squirm slightly under his gaze. "I know you and Paige very well, probably better than you know yourselves-"

"You're so annoying, shut up." You cut him off with a scoff as you began walking toward the door, your cheeks red in embarrassment.

"Hey, I'm just messing with you," he laughed, his tone very amused. "Have fun tonight. And tell Paige I said hi."

"I will, don't worry!''

──

You didn't expect to hear a knock on your door at nearly one in the morning, especially since you had just settled into bed after a long day. Curious, you got up and made your way to the door, wondering who could possibly be visiting at such a late hour.

Opening it, you were surprised to find Paige standing there, exhaustion on her face. "Hey," she greeted softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she sniffled.

She looked up at you with bloodshot eyes before she took in your appearance. "Shit, I'm sorry. Were you asleep-"

"Paige, no it's fine. Are you okay?"

That was all she needed to pull you into a tight embrace, almost knocking the wind out of you. All you did was wrap your arms around her waist as she buried her face in your shoulder, her body trembling slightly. You held her close, feeling her heartbeat against yours, the warmth of her embrace providing some comfort in the darkness of the night.

"It's okay, P," you murmured softly, rubbing her back soothingly as you felt her tension slowly start to ease.

After a few moments, Paige pulled back slightly, gulit on her face. "I'm sorry for showing up like this. I just got home from the game and I didn't realize it was late."

It was slowly adding up as you gave Paige a sympathetic smile. "Don't apologize please, you wanna come in?"

You stepped back to let her in, closing the door behind her as she entered your dorm room. She took a seat on your bed, looking visibly exhausted as she leaned back against the pillows. You followed close behind, leaning back next to her as she sniffled.

"I'm really sorry for waking you up, you were just the first person I thought of." Paige spoke quietly, gulit plaguing her expression. "I shouldn't have, I should've just waited til the morning."

You shook your head gently, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "No, no it's okay. I wasn't even asleep, I swear," you reassured her.

"I know but you have classes tomorrow morning and I should've been-"

"Paige," you interjected sternly as she sighed. "It's okay, I promise. I'm here for you, remember?"

Paige gazed at you as she frowned, feeling the weight of the entire team on her back. She shut her eyes as she sniffled, feeling the tears burn in her eyes as you reassured her. She felt them slowly fall as she sniffled, feeling your gaze soften as you watched her.

"Talk to me, please. Tell me what happened," you whispered gently, reaching out to wipe away her tears with your thumb.

Paige sniffled, leaning into your touch as she let out a shaky breath. "The game went fucking terrible. I played like shit but we kept getting fouled and the ref wouldn't call anything, leaving us at a disadvantage the entire time," she explained, her voice trembling with frustration. "And then, in the last couple minutes, I missed a shot that could've turned the game around. It's like... I let everyone down."

You listened attentively, your heart sinking at the pain evident in Paige's voice. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, P. You're still an amazing player,"

"It just felt like shit, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I couldn't handle it," Paige continued as she sniffled again, wiping her tears.

Paige kept venting the entire night and you listened attentively, letting her pour out her heart. Despite the exhaustion you felt, you wanted to be there for Paige like she had done for you multiple times before ─ and of course, you couldn't bear seeing Paige so broken and hurt after a game.

It was around four in the morning when Paige had finally worn herself out, passing out in your bed as you sat beside her, gently stroking her hair as she slept. You couldn't help but feel a deep sense of affection for Paige, admiring her strength and resilience even in moments like these.

You fell asleep a few minutes after her and when she woke up, you were gone, presumably at your lecture. Paige woke up feeling a lot lighter than she had in awhile, knowing that you had been there for her through the night. She glanced around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings of your dorm, feeling a sense of comfort wash over her.

You were such a comfort to her, even the mere thought of you had her smiling. She stayed in your bed for a few minutes, the moments last night replaying in her head; the terrible game and how you had comforted her and let her rant until God knows how late.

Paige didn't know even know where she was going after the game until she had ended up at your doorstep ─ it was subconscious, effortless and almost second nature for her to come to you. The more she thought about you, the more her stomach began flutter and her lips began to curve up into a smile.

Then, her smile dropped. Oh shit, did she like you?

──

"Dude, I told you that was gonna be on the exam, didn't I? Didn't I, P?" Bryce leaned back in his chair before he glanced back at his best friend, who was currently zoning out on her food. "P? Paige, you good?'

"Huh?" Paige finally met his gaze as she nodded, processing his words. "I'm good, sorry uh... what?" She glanced in between Bryce and his teammate, a confused expression on her face.

Bryce sighed as he glared at her. "Oh never mind,"

"Bro, don't never mind me. Come on now, don't act like a twelve year old," Paige mocked as she nudged Bryce playfully with her elbow, earning a groan from her best friend.

Bryce sent her a glare before he continued. "I was just telling him that I said that was gonna be on the exam," he explained as Paige's expression turned more confused. "You don't even know what we're talking about, never mind."

Paige rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, I'm sorry, Professor Bryce, I didn't realize we were having a pop quiz in the middle of Chipotle," she teased, earning a laugh from Bryce's teammate.

Bryce chuckled despite himself. "Very funny, Paige. But you might want to pay attention if you don't want to fail your finals."

"Bro, you can't be talking. Where were you last night?" Paige raised her eyebrows as he opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by Paige. "Yeah, yeah exactly. You're probably drunk right now,"

"Oh my god, shut up," Bryce rolled his eyes as he shook his head, trying to hide a smirk. "I can't say no to pretty girls, you know this."

"Yeah but you say no to me all the time?" Paige's tone came out annoyed as Bryce sent her a glare.

Bryce scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes. "Pretty is stretching it, buddy. Plus, you're not my type..." He gestured to her Nike tech outfit as she shrugged, taking a sip from her fountain drink.

"You got the ugly genes, so..." The words came out of her mouth before she could process them and as she glanced up to meet Bryce's glare, she knew she messed up. Bryce's teammate just laughed, nodding along to Paige's words only to be met with both their glares.

"Says you, bro. You're uglier," Bryce's words came out stammered as Paige's lips turned upward into a cocky smirk.

"That's not what your sister said," she shrugged as his jaw dropped in shock.

Bryce finally found his voice, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "You... you did not just say that," he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

Paige shrugged nonchalantly, taking another sip of her drink. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger," she quipped as she put up her hands in defense.

Bryce's teammate continued to laugh, thoroughly entertained by the exchange. "Man, you two never fail to entertain," he said between laughs.

Despite the initial shock, Bryce couldn't help but chuckle at Paige's boldness. "Alright, alright, you win this round, P," he admitted with a grin. "If only you had a sister, damn it."

Paige just shrugged as she laughed, unable to suppress it any longer. She'd been hanging out too much you to realize how much she actually missed Bryce. However, the new revelation as of this morning made it slightly bittersweet ─ if she began going out with you, everything would change. Would there be anymore banter? Would she have to choose a relationship with you or a friendship with Bryce?

She decided in that moment, she wasn't going to do that to Bryce. He'd been there for her through all her highs and lows, and she couldn't bear to jeopardize their friendship for anything. As much as she might have feelings for you, Paige knew that her bond with Bryce was irreplaceable.

"Hey, P," Bryce's voice interrupted her thoughts, bringing her back to the present moment.

Paige looked up, meeting his gaze with a smile. "Yeah, what's up?"

Bryce smirked as he glanced up from his phone. "You ready to lose at Fortnite later?"

Paige laughed, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. "Oh, it's on. Get ready to get your ass kicked, Brycey boy."

──

The adrenaline from the game was still pumping through Paige's entire body as she walked off the court, feeling like she was on cloud 9. The game had been intense, with both teams giving it their all until the very end. But in the end, it was UConn that came out victorious, thanks in no small part to her incredible performance on the court.

The thrill of victory filled her with an indescribable sense of joy, and she couldn't wipe the smile off her face if she tried and she swore that nothing else could possibly make her happier. Until her gaze met yours, her heart swelling as she read your obnoxious poster.

"No, you fucking didn't," Paige muttered as her grin somehow grew as you laughed.

She recounted the late night conversation where she had told you she's always wanted one of her friends to make a poster for one of her games, and she can't believe you actually had done it for her. In that moment, Paige felt an overwhelming rush of emotions flood through her, filling her heart with warmth and gratitude.

As she made her way over to where you were standing, Paige couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for you. The sight of your familiar smile and the playful look in your eyes made her heart skip a beat, and she couldn't suppress the grin that spread across her face.

"Surprised to see me?" you teased, holding up the poster proudly.

Paige laughed, shaking her head in disbelief as she pulled down the poster so she could embrace you tightly. "Nah, I knew you were here cause I saw your location," she confessed as you laughed. "You're the best, you know that? You made my night,"

"Really? Even after the amazing game you just played?" You smiled, teasing her as you wrapped your arms around her in return.

Paige rolled her eyes, but there was a fondness in her gaze as she looked at you. "Yes, even after the amazing game I just played. You just make everything ten times better, you know that?"

You laughed until you met her gaze, and if this were any other moment, she would have been laughing too. She looked serious though, her eyes scanning your face to take in your reaction.

Paige thought back to lunch with Bryce, how she would never even think about going out his little sister ─ he wouldn't be that mad, right? How could he? You made her feel things she swears she's never felt before, she couldn't ignore the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach or the warmth that spread through her chest.

What if pursuing something more with you ruined the easy dynamic they had? What if it didn't work out and she'd lose both of you? However, all those what if's were thrown out the window as she gazed into your eyes.

"God, you're beautiful." Paige's words came out effortlessly as she pulled you closer. She'd told you plenty of times, but it felt more different now. She was fucking whipped, that's for sure.

You let out a soft laugh at her words, a rush of warmth coursing through your veins. You met her gaze with a mixture of surprise and adoration, her confession caught you off guard.

Paige kept gazing back you, taking in your features as if she were seeing them for the first time, her heart fluttering with excitement. There was something about the way you looked at her, with such warmth and affection, that made her feel like she was the most important person in the world.

In that moment, everything else faded away ─ the doubts, the fears, the uncertainties. Fuck it, she was sure you'd felt the same and if you didn't, she rather that than feel regret.

In an instant, she pushed her lips against yours. You were surprised for a second before you quickly melted into the kiss, the poster falling to the ground as your arms wrapped around her shoulders.

Lost in the heat of the moment, you surrendered to the intoxicating sensation of her lips against yours, the world around you fading into oblivion as you lost yourself in her.

Paige's fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as she deepened the kiss, her lips moving hungrily against yours in a frenzy of desire. Your senses were overwhelmed by the sweet scent of her perfume, and the taste of her lips that sent shivers down your spine.

"Hey, uh Paige?"

You both quickly pulled away as Paige whipped her head toward the voice. Ice and KK were standing there awkwardly as they glanced in between you, embarrassment and amusement on their faces. Paige wiped her lips with the back of her hand as she cleared her throat, sending them a glare as they exchanged glances.

"We just wanted to ask if... uh, you were going to dinner with us?" Ice asked quietly as you avoided their gaze, embarrassment clear in your expression.

"Obviously not, she's gonna be celebrating differently-"

"Shut up, KK." Paige sent her a glare as she giggled, Ice stifling her laughter as Paige looked back at you with a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, we'll go."

We? You smiled softly at the sentiment as KK kept giggling, her laughter echoing in the hallway. Paige glanced at you for affirmation as you nodded slowly, warmth filling her gaze as she nodded back at her friends.

Ice and KK exchanged a knowing look, their amusement evident as they tried to suppress their laughter. "Great! Y'all can come like... whenever. Sorry for interuppting," Ice said, her voice tinged with amusement.

"Are you, really?" Paige mumbled as KK let out another laugh.

"Someone's sassy tonight, ooo." KK joked as her and Ice began walking away, their laughter trailing behind them as they disappeared down the hallway. Paige rolled her eyes playfully at KK's comment, her lips quirking up into a smirk.

"Well, that was unexpected," you remarked with a chuckle.

Paige nodded, a grin spreading across her face. "Yeah, but you know what? I don't even care. I'm just... so happy right now,"

Her enthusiasm was contagious, and you found yourself grinning in response. "Me too," you admitted, unable to hide the warmth in your voice as you met her gaze.

Everything else was put in the back-burner and right now, it was just the two of you. The noise of the hallway, the hustle and bustle of campus life ─ all of it melted away, leaving just the two of you in your own little world.

After dinner, Paige drove you back to your dorm since it wasn't too far from the restaurant. It went well, you were pretty much friends with the entire team and it felt like your own special night too. And in some ways, it was. Paige's hands didn't leave your body the entire night, it was obvious something had shifted in the dynamic ─ however, it wasn't too much of a difference since she'd always been touchy with you.

As Paige parked the car outside your dorm, the atmosphere between you was charged with a new sense of intimacy. You lingered for a moment, neither of you eager to end the evening just yet.

"Thank you for tonight," you said, breaking the silence that had settled between you. "It was really fun."

Paige smiled warmly, her eyes shining with affection. "No, thank you," she replied softly. "For being you, for being here with me, for everything."

You felt a rush of warmth flood through you at her words, a sense of gratitude for the connection you shared with her. In that moment, you realized just how much Paige meant to you, how much her presence brightened your life in ways you couldn't even begin to describe. And how you couldn't even imagine a time when you weren't close with her, where she wasn't your conscious thought.

Without hesitation, you leaned in closer, your heart pounding with anticipation. Paige mirrored your movements, closing the distance between you until your lips met in a soft kiss.

As you pulled away, breathless and exhilarated, you found yourself lost in Paige's gaze. "I like you,"

You let out a breathless laugh at Paige's words, her kiss still lingering on your lips as you smiled. "Oh really? Couldn't tell,"

"Shut up," Paige laughed as she shook her head, her laughter filling the air with warmth and affection.

"I'm serious," Paige insisted, her expression softening as she gazed at you with unwavering sincerity. "I really do like you, more than I've ever liked anyone before."

You wanted to joke but you just couldn't, your heart beginning to race. "I like you too, P," you admitted, your voice filled with warmth and affection. "More than I ever thought possible."

You left the car after a few more passionate kisses, Paige's mind buzzing with pure excitement. As she began driving out of the parking lot, she felt her phone buzz and she quickly answered it.

"Hey, P, you still coming over to play some Fort?" Bryce's voice echoed through the speaker as her heart dropped. She glanced at the time before cursing under her breathe. "Jeez, did I catch you at a bad time?"

He let out a laugh as Paige joined him awkwardly, "Uh no, just kinda forgot. We just had dinner and I'm kinda tired."

"Bro, I have Redbulls and some beers in the fridge. Unless you're with a girl than you have no excuse," Bryce teased, his voice laced with amusement.

"Fine," Paige mumbled as she shut her eyes for second, before refocusing on the road. "I'll be there in 10,"

"Awesome, can't wait. Wait, can you get some pizza on the way I'm hungry," Bryce yawned as Paige's lips quirked up into an amused smile, shaking her head at her best friend's antics.

"Fatass," she joked before sighing, gulit tugging at her. "Fine, okay. I guess I'll be there a little later then."

"Great, see ya in a bit, P."

As she gathered her thoughts and prepared to head over to Bryce's place, Paige couldn't shake off the nagging feeling of guilt that settled in the pit of her stomach. But for now, she pushed those thoughts aside, focusing instead on being there for his friend and enjoying their time together, just like normal.

She then decided that, what he didn't know couldn't hurt him. Paige found herself more determined to bury those doubts deep down inside. She couldn't risk jeopardizing her friendship with Bryce, not when it meant so much to her. And if keeping her relationship with you a secret was what it took to preserve that bond, then so be it.

──

"Paige," you laughed quietly as her hand kept inching up your thigh, embarrassment in your expression as you sent her a warning glare. Everyone's attention was toward the current basketball game that was happening, but Paige seemed more interested in teasing you than paying attention to her best friend's game.

You couldn't help but squirm uncomfortably in your seat, shooting her a warning glare in a futile attempt to deter her advances. "What? No one's looking," she gave you a smile as you sighed, your heart beginning to beat out of your chest.

Despite your initial annoyance, you couldn't deny the thrill that coursed through you at her touch, the heat of her hand sending shivers down your spine.

"Oh, don't tell me you're nervous. Aww, you're nervous?" Paige's lips were close to your ear, her breath warm against your skin as she teased you.

"I'm not nervous," you protested weakly, though the rapid beating of your heart betrayed your words.

Paige chuckled softly, her hand still resting on your thigh as she leaned in closer, her lips hovering just inches away from yours. "Sure you're not," she whispered, her voice playful and teasing.

Paige swiftly turned her head toward the game before anything else could happen, annoyance filling your veins as you shook your head. Paige was having too much with this whole arrangement ─ practically everyone knew you were a thing at this point (well, with the exception of your brother and her best friend).

Paige loved teasing you, it was a part of what drew you to her. The way she could effortlessly lighten the mood and bring a smile to your face even in the most mundane of moments.

After the game had ended, Paige led you through the crowds as you looked for Bryce. Her hand was clasping yours tightly, not really caring who was looking as you navigated through the crowd.

Finally spotting Bryce amidst the crowd, you felt a surge of relief wash over you. With a smile, Paige led you towards him, her hand naturally pulling you toward him.

"B!" Paige called out, her voice cutting through the noise of the crowd as she waved to get his attention.

Bryce turned towards you, a smile lighting up his face as he caught sight of the two of you approaching. "Jeez, there you are! Took you long enough," he teased, his tone lighthearted as always. His gaze slowly dropped to your hands before you quickly pulled out of her grasp, nervousness etching your features.

"It was a big crowd, she was gonna get lost," Paige spoke quickly, her words tumbling out in an attempt to diffuse the tension. She shot you a reassuring glance, her eyes filled with understanding and empathy.

He looked at you two with a confused expression. "O-kay, whatever. You guys wanna go get food then head home, I'm starving." He looped an arm around both of you, pulling you into a tight embrace as he started leading the way through the crowd.

You and Paige exchanged a quick glance, a silent understanding passing between you as you fell into step beside Bryce. His demeanor helped to lighten the mood, and soon enough, the awkwardness of the earlier moment began to fade away.

After they'd gotten food and dropped you off at your dorm, Paige and Bryce began to walk to her dorm. There was silence between them for the first time in the night and Paige couldn't help but feel

A sense of unease settle in the pit of her stomach. She glanced over at Bryce, noticing the furrowed brow and distant expression on his face. It was clear that he was lost in thought, his mind preoccupied with something weighing on him.

"Hey, you okay?" Paige asked softly, her voice filled with concern as she reached out to gently squeeze Bryce's arm.

Bryce glanced back at Paige with a sigh, his expression turning annoyed. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

Paige looked taken aback as she scoffed, "What do you mean by that?"

Bryce let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair as he averted his gaze. "Bro, I know you and Y/N better than you know yourselves. You're both my family, you think I wouldn't notice you two are hooking up or something? It's kinda insulting, Paige."

The way he said her name made her stomach squeeze in discomfort, and Paige felt a pang of guilt at Bryce's words. "You're angry?"

"Angry isn't the word for it," Bryce sighed, his frustration visibly melting away as he looked back at Paige. "Seeing my sister and my best friend keep something from me isn't fun, like at all."

"I know, Bryce," Paige said earnestly, her gaze filled with remorse. "I'm really sorry. I should have been honest with you from the beginning."

"Did you think I would like, freak out or something?" Bryce's words came out quiet as he studied Paige's expression, searching for some explanation behind her hesitation to confide in him. "Because I wouldn't, Paige. I want you to be happy, you know that."

Paige shook her head, her expression filled with regret. "No, it's not that, Bryce," she replied softly. "I was just... scared, I guess. Scared of how you might react, scared of what it might mean for our friendship."

Bryce sighed, reaching out to give Paige's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, you don't have to be scared, P," he said gently. "Whatever makes you two happy, makes me happy too. It's honestly kinda great, cause like... I've always said that you're my sister and now that you're dating my sister, you're my sister-in-law so basically, we're related."

Paige couldn't help but snort at Bryce's ramble, shaking her head. "We're not dating," the words came out of her mouth before she could really process them.

Bryce's expression turned into surprise. "Wait what? Why not?"

Paige shifted underneath his gaze, uncertainty in her expression. "I guess it was too official, you know? I needed to tell you first, to get your stamp of approval."

"That's kinda thoughtful," Bryce's expression was confused before he smiled. "Alright, okay. I give you permission to ask out my little sister,"

"I never said permission, I said approval. You're making me sound like a pussy, B." Paige joked as Bryce sent her a glare.

"Same thing,"

"Not really," Paige felt his glare on her cheek before she laughed. "Fine, Brycey, you win."

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

#paige buckets #paige bueckers x reader #paige x reader #paige #paige bueckers #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers headcannons #uconn huskies #uconn #uconn wbb #uconn wbb x reader #wbb x reader #wcbb x reader #wcbb #uconn wcbb #ncaa wbb #ncaa women’s basketball #uconn women’s basketball #paige bueckers fluff #ncaaw #lgbtq #wlw #lesbian

[jordyn14]

The jig is up | Joe Burrow

Summary: After coming home to Joe after a long week of being away from him, the thought of him ever cheating is heartbreaking and it leads to a big fight that gets somewhat physical. Luckily, there’s one thing that can always make Joe feel better.

Pairing: Joe burrow x fem first person

Words: 6522

Notes: I hope this is nasty enough for you all 🫣🫣 I hope you enjoy 😉 <3

Taglist: @wickedfun9

I walked inside Joe and I’s house in Cincinnati that we bought after a year of being together and immediately dropped my bags on the ground with a big sigh and waited for Joe to come greet me. For the past week I've been in California for a business meeting that I turned into a little vacation so I was so excited to come home to Joe. Although we've face timed so we could see each other, we both were extremely busy; I was busy with work stuff and having fun with some friends in California, and he was busy here with games and practices since he was in the middle of the season, and it was an important one because he’s back after his season ending injury.

Ever since we met each other at one of his nfl games four years ago and had a one night stand that turned into two, then three, then those one night stands turned into romantic dates, we've been together. It only took a year of realizing that we were in love to move in with each other. Some people said we rushed things and would never last. Everyone always said that since he was in the NFL, he was apparently a terrible guy who would eventually break my heart and move onto the next girl. We really proved them wrong. After waiting a few seconds for Joe to greet me with that amazing smile and shower me in kisses while telling me how happy he was that I was home, I decided to head upstairs. It was only 8pm, so he definitely wasn't asleep, but maybe he was showering or watching some game film and didn't even realize I was home.

Before I went to our room, I decided to go to his little office next to our room to see if he was still watching some game film for the upcoming game, but as soon as I passed the room, I heard some heavy breathing from inside. Raising my eyebrow, I walked closer to the closed door and pressed my ear against it to try and listen to what was happening. "Oh fuck. Right there….fuck.” I heard Joe moan from inside of the room. My heart dropped in my chest as I took a step away from the door. My mouth hung open and I felt tears prick my eyes. "You mother fucking cheater." I whispered to myself, my hands beginning to shake. I felt so betrayed and hurt. My boyfriend of four years, who I thought would be the man I grew old with, was in our bedroom fucking some random girl and cheating on me. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he really was a terrible guy. How could he do that to me after giving me a fucking promise ring two weeks ago. Hey, maybe I even knew the slut in there with him.

I didn't even know what to do. I was frozen in place as I continued to hear heavy breathing and the occasional moan or groan from Joe. Deciding to spare myself, I began to back away from the door so I didn't hear his noises which I loved to hear when I had sex with him. "Fuck you Joe!" I yelled before walking down the steps. I wanted him to know I had found him cheating on me before I left him to live all alone in this huge fucking house that he probably had girls over every time I was gone. I wanted dread and regret to fill his body when he realized I had caught him and that we were done for good. I was a good girlfriend…I was loyal. I never did anything wrong to make him want to do this to me. Yes, we had our fights and sometimes yelled, but I never thought he would do this. I never gave him a reason to. As I began to storm downstairs, I heard the door open quickly. "What the fuck do you mean? Whats going on?” He asked and followed after me quickly. I could hear his heavy and rushed footsteps as he tried to keep up. I turned my head a little bit to see his glossed over and tired eyes he always gets after his orgasm. I loved seeing those eyes after a long night of him fucking me which always ended in never ending cuddles. The thought that I would never be able to have that or see that again made me so incredibly sad. What did I seriously do to deserve this? I should’ve listened to my parents and friends when they told me he was a no good player and to leave before I got my heart broken.

Once I got to the bottom of the steps, I couldn’t take it anymore. I quickly turned around while biting on the inside of my cheek, surely drawing blood, balled my hand into a fist, and punched Joe right in the nose without a second thought. Anger drove me instead of reason and I didn’t even realize what I had done until my knuckles began to throb. Not expecting to be punched by his girlfriend so suddenly, he stumbled back a few steps and brought his hand to his nose which started to bleed a little bit. His eyes widened and he looked at me like I was the crazy one in this situation. “What the actual fuck!" He yelled while putting his whole body into the scream, confused by what was going on. "I know what you did you piece of shit! Where is she? Is she going to come down and introduce herself?" I yelled at him and pushed him in the chest, but this time, he didn't move a single inch, even when I pushed him a second time to try and make a point. I could feel his muscular chest before my hands fell down to my sides, giving up with using force since he was much stronger than me. "Don't hit me, what the hell? I'm so fucking confused right now!" He yelled and put his hands on the top of his head, running his fingers through his long brown hair in distress.

I laughed while looking him up and down. How could he seriously stand here in front of me and lie right to my face. I caught him and all he could do was deny it and play stupid. Typical. I should've known that it was too good to be true, even after four fucking years. I guess he lied when he said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It's truly my fault. Although he would never act like it, deep down he was an entitled piece of shit, of course he would cheat and then lie about it to try and save his own ass. What the fuck was I thinking. Joe’s face turned red from yelling and that vein on his forehead that always stuck out during fights or sex made an appearance. Any other time I would find it extremely attractive, but right now, all I wanted to do was punch him again and again until all of the welts, cuts, and blood hid his perfect little face that had everyone falling head over heals. “You are such a fucking lier, Joseph! I leave for a week and boom, it's like we were never together." I said.

Joe began to breathe heavily as he looked down at me with those bright blue eyes and before I knew it, he yelled, "fuck!" I stepped back a little bit as he turned away from me, trying to compose himself a little bit so he didn't completely lose his shit. Every time we fought, he tried so hard not to lose his cool. He always raised his voice, cussed me out, walked away in frustration before coming back full force with his voice. When he made me cry he tried to make up for it then go to his office to release some anger or go to the basement where the bunching bag was. It was because of his horrible communication skills and not being able to express himself properly. I was the only person who could help with those flaws, but now he wouldn’t have me anymore. Part of me felt bad for dragging this on, but I was so incredibly pissed off at him.

"I know you were upstairs fucking some girl! The jig is up, I found out! Tomorrow morning, I'm out of here." I said. Joe just looked down at me like I was missing something, but he was still seeing red and extremely angry at me for hitting him and yelling at him. Then I saw a small smile of disbelief spread across his face and he chuckled slightly, realizing why I was so mad at him. "Oh of course, lie some more!" I said and was about to walk away but and I stopped in my tracks, ready to go off on him for finding this funny. Before I could go off on him some more, that same smile fell from his face quickly and he took a step towards me. “I was fucking jerking off!" He yelled at me. Sucking in a breath, I looked him up and down before pushing past him and running upstairs. "My nose fucking hurts by the way, you gonna apologize!" He called up after me while following me up the stairs. While I ran, he instead walked up the stairs, finding no need to chase after me. I ran into the room, expecting to see some naked girl on the bed, but there was nothing. Only a bottle of lotion and one of my bikini magazines.

My heart once again dropped in my chest, but not for the same reasons as last time. Instead of being heartbroken that I supposedly caught my boyfriend cheating, I felt so incredibly rude, selfish, and I was so angry at myself. I just accused my boyfriend of cheating on me and I actually punched him. I fucking punched him. I've never laid my hands on another person before, let alone punch anyone. After looking at the bottle of lotion for a few seconds, I turned around to see Joe staring straight at me as I stood there. I felt so incredible stupid and embarrassed. "Holy shit. I am so, so sorry." I said quickly as he breathed heavily. I could tell he was so close to losing his shit and going absolutely crazy, especially after I punched him, but he kept his cool. All he did was stand there, jaw and fists clenched while glaring down at me. Before he talked, he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but he was still too worked up. “I would never cheat on you. Ever. We've been together for four fucking years and if you think that I would ever fuck some random girl just because I miss you, you obviously haven't been paying attention to how much I fucking am in love with you!" He yelled, looking me up and down angrily.

I looked him up and down as well as he wiped off the remaining blood from his nose. He looked down at the red blood on his fingers which he smeared around slightly and then just like every fight to release some steam and not yell anymore, he turned around and stormed off angrily to his office where he could be alone and release his anger. Sometimes he would go to the basement where the punching bag was, but he instead headed to his office this time. Joe disappeared down the hallway before I heard his office door slam shut. I could hear him throw something on the ground and I was about to go see if he was okay, but just sat on the bed instead. I sat in my thoughts for a few seconds, knowing he didn’t want to see my face tonight or even for a week. I felt like a terrible girlfriend. I can't believe that I actually punched him and got him all worked up over nothing. I've never accused him or even thought about the possibility of him cheating because I knew he would never, ever, cheat on me. So why would I accuse him? I know I heard him moaning in the room, but I should've known better. I should've known. I felt like such a psychopath. Joe would never even think about getting physical with me or laying a hand on me, so the fact that I got physical with him made me so incredibly disappointed in myself.

I looked down on the bed and picked up my magazine, but immediately dropped it when his load that he shot onto a picture of me in a revealing bikini dripped onto my thigh. "Fucking hell." I said, wiping it off my thigh quickly. But, as I looked down at the magazine and started to imagine him jerking off to a picture of me and imagine the sounds he would make, I started to realize just how horny I was. I was so busy with work and I was so tired at night that I didn't even get to finger myself or use my vibrator. It was the same vibrator Joe bought me when I started complaining about how much he was gone. As I imagined Joe jerking himself off and moaning my name, a throb started to build between my legs. I let out a sigh and crossed my legs quickly, trying to find any form of relief.

After a few minutes, I got up and slowly started to walk to his office where he was probably trying to take his mind off of the fight with some game film or by throwing a ball at the wall repeatedly, which always drives me crazy. As I got to the door, I knocked on it twice before I heard Joe say, "I'm really not in the mood to get yelled at again." I rolled my eyes at his annoying ass and then twisted the door handle, but it was locked. "Joe I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Please let me in." I said with a defeated sigh, resting my forehead on the door. I could hear him typing some things on his computer and the squeaking of his broken chair that should've been replaced four years ago. "Are you going to punch me again?" He asked me. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh at his sassy tone. "Probably not, but maybe." I joked with him, but stopped laughing when I realized that he wasn’t laughing at all.

I could hear him get up from the chair, so I listened as his footsteps got closer. There was a small click of him turning the lock, and then I could hear him sit back in his chair. Slowly, I opened up the door and swung it open to see him facing me in his chair. His arms were crossed over his thick chest and he was slouched down in the chair. The throb started to build as I looked him up and down, admiring him as he sat there, manspread. I then looked down at his hands. Oh those hands. My eyes danced over every single vein that shot up his arm. He truly was like a work of art that deserved to be displayed in a museum.

My mind was so focused on the man sitting in front of me that I barely heard him clear his throat, but it pulled me from my thoughts. "How can I make it up to you?" I asked him. "You can't, not right now at least. I'm busy and frankly, not in the best mood. I wonder why that could be." He looked up at me with that cocky smirk on his face. I tilted my head and then walked closer to him. "I have an idea, it won't require you to ruin a perfectly good magazine though, is that okay?" I asked him. Joe just looked me up and down, and, even though I could see the tent that started to grow in his pants, he still wanted me to understand how angry he was at me. "I'm not in the mood." He said. "Let me make it up to you." I told him and was about to fall onto my knees in front of him when he stood up, towering over me. "I said, I'm not in the mood."

I looked up at him and made eye contact with him and put a hand on his chest. Occasionally, he loved it when I took charge, so I decided to go with it and make him let me make it up to him. "Sit down, Joe." I demanded, pushing him back slightly. As he sat back down in the chair, the smirk got even bigger and he looked up at me with those amazing blue eyes. Continuing what I wanted to do before he stood up, I dropped down to my knees in front of him and put both of my hands on his thighs. I tried to spread them open, but they wouldn't budge. Making eye contact with him again, I glared at him and then leaned back on my heels. After a few seconds, he sighed and spread his legs open for me.

With a smile, I reached forwards and pulled his cock out of his pants. I couldn't help but gulp at the sight of it right in front of me. Although it was extremely hard, the size and weight of it weighed it down and I could see the dots of pre-cum on his slightly red tip. Getting closer, I opened my mouth slightly and swirled my tongue around the tip of it while giving the base of his cock a few lazy pumps with my hand, knowing he was far too big to fit the whole thing inside of my mouth. "Fuck, don't tease." He groaned out at the feeling of me licking circles around the tip. I watched as he started to tense up and grip onto the arms of the chair. Deciding to listen to him, I slowly took him in my mouth and went all the way down until his tip hit the back of my throat, and started to bob my head in and down quickly, slurping and sucking him into oblivion.

Looking up, I could see his eyes roll into the back of his head, and when I licked up the long vein that started at the base and went to the tip, he let out a groan. Knowing he loved it when I did it, I started to rub the sweet spot on his cock, gaining another groan to fall from his parted lips before I took him in my mouth once more and started to bob my head up and down quickly. Although I was going at a pace that seemed efficient, Joe reached forwards and gathered up all of my hair into a makeshift ponytail and started to force my head down farther on his cock while exasperating my movements. I let out a moan and made eye contact with him, struggling to take it all. "Be a good girl and take it for me, you can do it. Keep breathing." He said, encouraging me to keep going.

As I continued to make eye contact with him, I opened my mouth farther as he pushed my head down onto his dick, his tip hitting the back of my throat with force each time, making me gag occasionally. Tears and mascara ran down my cheeks, but joe reached down to wipe them away. After a few more seconds, Joe started to thrust back up every time my head went down, meeting me with force each time until his hips started to buckle. "Just like that pretty girl." He groaned out as I felt him twitch inside of my mouth before I could feel his warm liquid being shot into my mouth. I pulled away from his mouth and was about to lean over to spit out his cum when he grabbed my chin gently and turned my head to look back at him. "No, no, no...swallow." He said. While making eye contact with him, I allowed the salty and warm liquid to flow down my throat.

Immediately after I swallowed, he stood up and then held out his hands to help me up. Reaching up, I placed my hands in his and he lifted me off of the ground with ease before he turned me around and put both of his hands on my hips, digging his fingers into my skin impatiently. "Pull your pants down and bend over the table." He ordered quickly. In a rush, I pulled my pants and undies down as fast as I could and bent over his table. He then pushed his computer and everything to the side. My thighs were coated with my own arousal and all I could think about was his dick inside of me. "Please." I sighed out while I began to squirm.

All of a sudden, I could feel his thick fingers slide through my slick folds, trying to see how wet and needy I was for him. "You're so fucking wet for me." He groaned as he continued to curl his fingers so they were going inside of me a tiny bit, teasing me just like I did with him. "I need you." I wined, fidgeting in front of him while I leaned on the table. Without warning, one of his hands found my hip and gripped tightly while forcing himself into me. "Oh fuck!" I moaned out loudly as he filled me up and stretched me out so incredibly much. He didn't even give me any time to acclimate to his size and started to thrust into me with force. Soon, both of his hands found my hips so he could drive my hips back towards him to meet his thrusts, gaining loud moans to fall from my lips every single time. Joe leaned his full weight onto me as his hips met my ass each time, wanting me to take every single inch of him. "You're so fucking tight." He groaned from above me as I clenched around his dick.

Every time he snapped his hips against mine, he hit my g-spot, making me weak at the knees. "F-fuck." I moaned out and moved my hips forwards instinctively as a mixture of pain and pleasure washed over me. "You can take it. Stay still." He groaned while he wrapped an arm under my waist, pulling my hips back and holding me still as he continued to rut into me. With every hard thrust, he let out groans freely, knowing the effect it has on me. Hearing him be vocal during sex always drove me absolutely insane. Joe grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, wanting me to look him in the eye as he fucked me. He loved looking at my fucked out face. The way I winced and moaned every time he hit my g-spot, making me nauseous sometimes.

As soon as we made eye contact and I saw how he was biting on his lower lip in concentration, I felt a knot form in my stomach. "Faster." I moaned out breathlessly, knowing I was close. Joe dropped my hair so he could fuck me faster and then he leaned down and rested his head on my shoulder and started to slam into me. "Oh fuck!" I cried out. With each thrust, a loud cry escaped my lips. I was unable to control myself as he fucked me into oblivion. Pure ecstasy coursed through my veins and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I was pushed against the desk. There was pain, but it was good pain. Pain that drove me mad. "I-I'm so close." I moaned out. Knowing I loved when he did it and because it makes my orgasm even better, he reached down with one hand and started to rub slow and gentle circles into my clit. "Cum for me baby." He groaned into my ear while thrusting into me.

It only took one more thrust for me to release the knot in my stomach. I let out a loud moan as my whole body began to shake. "Oh Joey." I moaned. Before I could even fully come down from my high, Joe turned me around so I was facing him. Before continuing, he looked deeply into my eyes, looking for approval, and when I nodded, he picked me up forcefully and before we even got to the couch in his office, he forced his cock into my soaking wet walls while he carried me. "Oh my gosh!" I moaned out as I hid my face in his neck, continuously moaning inaudible things. While we walked, his hands that were gripping my hips tightly lifted me up and down on his cock and he said, "look at me, you know I love to look at you pretty girl." He said.

Once he got to the couch and I forced myself to look up at him, he sat down on the couch and pushed my hips down on him, making me sink down on his hard cock. I let out a loud moan since he wasn’t letting me go at all and just looked up at me while I struggled to sit with his dick all the way in me with no movement. “Are you sorry for punching me and screaming at me?” Joe asked me. I lifted off of him slightly and, Looking into his eyes, I opened my mouth to talk but all that came out was a moan as Joe forced my hips back down onto him. “I’m sorry, Joe. I’m really, really sorry.” I said, feeling terrible for what I did, but my face flushed red from finding this so incredibly hot. The way he held my hips onto him so incredibly tightly and forced me to take it while getting another apology out of me.

With a nod, Joe released my hips and rested them on the top of the couch, taking turns between looking me in the eyes, and looking down to where we were connected. "Ride me like a good girl then.” He smirked. Taking a deep breath, I started to rock my hips forwards and backwards, starting slow and steadily getting faster. I bit my lip hard and put both of my hands on his chest as I started to bounce on his dick. Every time I went up, I braced myself to fall onto his dick because every single time he hit my cervix. I let out continuous moans of pleasure while he watched me ride him. "Mmm, you feel so good." I moaned loudly, throwing my head back as I went into sensation overload; Feeling him fill me up and stretch me out while rocking my hips.

As my legs started to feel weak, I instead put both of my hands on his thighs behind me so I could continue bouncing up and down. Joe, knowing I couldn't go on for much longer, took matters into his own hands and started to meet my hips. "Joey!" I cried out at the feeling of his dick ramming into my g-spot. Joe let out continuous groans while watching my fucked out face and thrusting up into me. Every time I went low on him, he thrusted his hips up towards me, filling me up and stretching me out each time. Within a few seconds, I felt the same knot come back. All I had to do was look into Joe’s eyes and he knew I was close, so once again he dropped his hand to where we were connected and started to rub slow and gentle circles into my clit with his thumb. The added stimulation drove me over the edge and in a matter of seconds, I was crumbling onto his lap as my orgasm crashed over me.

My whole body shook once again and I screamed in pure ecstasy, seeing stars everywhere I looked. While I road out my high, Joe held my hips down on him so he was all the way in me, and I loved it at first, but it became too painful. Opening my eyes, I put both of my hands on his abdomen and tried to lift myself off of him, slightly over stimulated. "Take a little break, baby. You're doing amazing. You're doing so good." He encouraged me, giving me a small smile as I breathed heavily, starting to feel weak. I focused on my breathing when I lifted myself off of his dick and rested on his abdomen, needing a little bit before I could go another round. My chest rose and fell quickly and before I knew it, he had his hand dropped down to my heat and was rubbing slow circles into my clit and running his fingers through my folds, trying to make me more wet and worked up so it didn't hurt. I always envied people who could go more rounds because I knew Joe could go all night without a break. I wanted to give that to him, but I wasn't able to.

As he rubbed circles into my clit, I closed my eyes and began to let out continuous sighs. It was just the right amount of pressure too, because soon enough, I could feel how wet I was, and Joe could tell too since I was sitting on his abdomen. "I need you." I groaned out, still able to go another round. Joe, still extremely horny and hard, immediately grabbed me by the hips and set me down on the couch on my back and crawled on top of me. The chain he was wearing dangled in my face, tuning me on even more. "Are you ready?" He asked, checking with me first since he knew I didn't have the stamina he did, although I could tell he wanted nothing more than to fuck me. It was so hard to take my eyes off of him and his hair that dangled onto his forehead while his chain swung above my head, but I forced myself to nod and make eye contact with him.

After I nodded my head, he picked up my legs and threw them around him and I immediately braced myself, knowing he was going to fuck me hard. Just like I thought, he quickly thrusted into me, once again giving me no time to acclimate to his size as he picked up speed. "Don't stop." I moaned out as he continued to rut into me. I felt so full and stretched out as he fucked me. Part of me hoped he would cum soon, though, since I knew pain would replace the pleasure soon. “Take it for me, you can do it." He groaned into my ear before he thrusted into me harder than before, making me arch my back. I then put my hands on his back and started to dig my finger nails into his back, surely leaving scratch marks and blood in their wake. I sealed my eyes shut and furrowed my brows as the pleasure started to slowly get replaced with pain. After a week of not having sex, my body wasn't used to this.

"Holy fuck!" I cried out, digging my finger nails into his back more. I wasn't worried about leaving scratch marks all over him or drawing blood. Joe loved when I marked him up, maybe even more than when he marked me up. While he loved seeing hickies on my body, he was obsessed with looking into the mirror in the morning and seeing all kinds of scratches and welts on his back that I left.

Although I did love this feeling, It was getting harder to take, and Joe could tell. "Take it a little longer." He groaned into my ear while slamming into me, hitting my cervix with the tip of his cock with each snap of his hips. My eyes rolled into the back of my head while he fucked me and my body moved around like crazy, being manipulated by Joe as he moved my body up farther and farther on the couch as he fucked me so extremely hard and fast.

When I started moving too much, he grabbed my hips to stop himself from moving me too much and rutted into me just like before, except this time I didn't move up and he went even deeper inside of me. There were so many times where it felt like he couldn't get any deeper, but then he would find a way to go deeper and hit a new spot. "Joe." I moaned out in a serious way, the pain was slowly becoming too much and I needed some relief. When he looked into my eyes while breathing heavily and saw my expression, he quickly dropped his hand down to where we were connected and started to rub circles into my clit again. I let out a loud moan at the feeling, some of the pleasure returning, but it wasn't enough.

Tears streamed down my face as he fucked me harder than he ever has. This was a lot. It hurt a lot. But I loved it. I couldn't wait until he would cum, but I still loved it. I loved the way he made me feel. I loved how he fucked me until my whole body shook. I loved how he fucked me so hard that I couldn't walk the next morning. When I felt a knot in my stomach, I arched my back and lifted my hips up to meet his thrusts. I screamed in pure ecstasy and tried my best to hold my orgasm back a little bit. I knew I couldn't go another round, but I tried to prolonged this as much as I could. I forced my eyes open and made eye contact with Joe who slammed into me every time. I went back and forth between looking him in the eyes and watching his chain swing back and forth in front of my eyes. We held eye contact even when he leaned down and kissed me. We both breathed so incredibly heavily into the wet and sloppy kiss, but it was so hard to kiss him back. Angling my hips a different way, he thrusted into me and hit a spot he missed all along, immediately making my orgasm wash over me. "Oh Joey!" I moaned loudly. Our lips were together, but we didn't kiss each other. It was too hard to kiss him in this moment.

My whole body shook like crazy underneath of him, but I didn't feel him ease up at all as he fucked me through my high. "I-it's too much." I moaned out loudly. Joe quickly looked into my eyes and leaned back as he continued to thrust into me. I would say it was too much for different reasons. The main reasons were because I needed him to rub my clit or change positions, or in this case, stop. Once he read my expression and knew I couldn't go any longer and was tapping out, he gave me a few more thrusts, allowing himself to cum while still thrusting into me since It felt too good to stop right away. To make it easier on me, he dropped his hand down to my clit and continued to rub my sensitive bundle of nerves extremely slowly and eventually, I felt another knot in my stomach.

Within a few seconds, his thrusts slowed and got sloppy and before I knew it, I released the knot in my stomach and I felt a twitch inside of me. My whole body once again shook like crazy and I sealed my eyes shut, this orgasm was more powerful than the others. My whole body coursed with pure ecstasy as he pulled out of me, both of our liquids dripping down my legs and onto the couch that would definitely need to be cleaned. The both of us breathed so extremely heavily as we came down from our highs and I was exhausted, although I could tell that Joe could continue on for hours. "Are you okay? You did so good." Joe said, knowing he could be too rough sometimes. "I'm exhausted...but that felt amazing." I said breathlessly as he fell by my side on the couch and put an arm under my head so I could rest my head on it.

We just gazed into each other's eyes for a few seconds, needing to catch our breaths before we could talk. "Was that a good enough apology?" I asked him after a few minutes, still feeling bad for accusing him of cheating and punching him. “I can't believe you fucking punched me," he chuckled while holding his nose that was bruised from me, and there was still a little bit of dried blood, "but yes, that was a very good apology." He said. I could tell that his eyes were getting heavy. “I can't believe I fucking punched you too. I really am sorry. For that, and for accusing you of cheating." I said. All Joe did was nod and smile before leaning in to kiss me gently. When our lips separated, he wrapped his other arm around me and held me closely to him. "I hope you know I would never cheat on you. I love you more than life itself and I would be lost without you." He said.

"I know you wouldn't. I should've just walked into the room and 'confronted your cheating ass,' like I wanted to so I could've seen that you were only jerking off instead of punching you over nothing." I said, using air quotes. "I love you either way, and by the way, after the initial shock of you punching me wore off, it was actually extremely hot. I got a fucking boner just thinking about you punching me earlier." He chuckled. My eyes widened a little bit, shocked by what he confessed. "I love you too," I laughed with him, "so does that mean I can punch you more often when you make me mad or annoy me?" I joked with him, pushing his muscular shoulder a little bit. Joe looked like he was contemplating whether or not I was allowed before he looked me dead in the eyes and said in a serious tone, "absolute not." I rolled my eyes with a laugh and snuggled up to him, burying my head into his neck. "I love you so incredible much." He whispered to me. I yawned and then whispered back, "I love you more." From above me, I could feel him shake his head. "That's impossible."

#joe burrow #joeburrow #cincinnati bengals #nfl #joe burrow bengals #joey b #joe shiesty #bengals #joey burrow #joe burr #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow x reader #joe x reader #joe burrow fic #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow smut #nfl fan fiction #my fic #fanfic #nfl imagine #imagine #smut #so much smut #nfl football

[thechekhov]

Hey Chekhov! How do you start converting an AU idea from character sheets and mini comics into a plot outline for a full, continuous comic? Especially if the series you're basing it on isn't complete?

I've been following your white diamond Steven comics for years, and frankly, I love how it builds and continues the scaffolding canon laid to be something that is thematically still the same but also very unique. And I never thought I'll ever say this, but now I'm working on a canon-divergent AU with someone that's I think aiming to do something similar(continue the themes of canon but different). So I'll just like some advice, I suppose!

You might've answered something like this before, honestly, but I tried to dig a little and couldn't really find it.

Thanks, if you do answer this! I just want take the opportunity as well to say also that your comic and blog accompanied me through parts of my late teens, and I'm very grateful for you being a stabilizing influence during that time.

Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that, and I appreciate you respecting me enough to ask for advice.

As for your question...

Well, to be frank, I don't START with character sheets and mini-comics. In fact, for WD!AU, I didn't have any character sheets until I started season 2.

Think of your story as an aquarium. Your characters are fish.

Yes, they're important, but having a whole bunch of fish without any substrate, tanks, feed and WATER..... will not really make for a memorable aquarium experience.

The reality is that all stories should start with an end.

That's my personal approach, anyway.

What I mean is - you need to know the general idea for your story before you begin to write or plan it.

Let's try this:

1.Tell me about your story in THREE sentences!

Just three. Not long ones, just regular ones.

For my AU, @ask-whitepearl-and-steven, it would be:

"A young orphan runs away from home with a mysterious lady who seems more cryptid than human. He realizes that he's not human either - he used to be the ruler of an alien planet! He and the other aliens he meets decide to (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (REDACTED) and he (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (READACTED) (READ ANDCTED) (READ AND FIND OUT)."

YOU should know how YOUR story ends too! Even vaguely.

It helps if you know at what point you plan to lay down the pencil. Because if you DO know, you are always going to know which direction to walk in, even if the end is so far away it's beyond your line of sight.

It's true that when I began WDAU, I didn't have much information about White Diamond and white Pearl, because they had literally ONLY been introduced. I had to guess a lot of the details (like WP being Pink's originally) and what White would be capable of. And thankfully, my original intent for the story's end fit pretty well with what was later revealed!

But don't forget - you could also just fuck around with stuff! It's your story, after all.

And don't forget... to also look back!

2.Tell me WHY the story is happening in the first place.

There's a reason that the beginning of your story happens when it does. If there is no reason to start somewhere, then find a different place to start.

You should be able to tell me "We're picking up the story here because something significant has happened... and that significant thing happened BECAUSE...."

That 'because' is your main background information that should be revealed slowly throughout the story. In WDAU's case, we only have a few pieces of the puzzle. We know Greg's side. He know Earl's side. But there are still little bits and pieces missing! And they're all important for finding out WHY Steven ended up an orphan and WHY he is being followed by White Pearl (Earl) at the very start of the comic!

3.Tell me what the coolest and most interesting things to happen would be....and then write them!

I think this may be something that's rarely said out loud, but I will speak on the behalf of the people...

We should write the scenes we want to read. If you don't want to read the scene you're writing, then DON'T write it!

If you feel like you "have to" do a page and a half of 'lore' because you think it's traditional to have that 'explanation' about the location of your story, or the history of the species or whatever, you're simply wrong. There are other ways to reveal information aside from just forced paragraphs upon paragraphs of information that would make an SAT Reading Section sweat.

Instead, I recommend that you find the most exciting or hilarious way for the characters to discover the most important bits of info. Find a dramatic twist. Shove it into the narrative. Then, figure out what needs to happen to get there.

Ultimately, though, remember this: When you're taking advice from me or from others, don't forget to take advice from yourself, too! It's your story, after all. You know it best, and only YOU can figure out how to get it written.

I hope that helps at least a little bit! Writing it never easy, but it should still be enjoyable!

#chekhov answers

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Just a photo of me with my lovely new girlfriend, Nikki! We met on Tinder and she was soooo eager to date a trans girl like me! I asked her if she loved girls with huge boobs like me and she asked if I'm trans. I was surprised she could tell and said that I was. She told me it was obvious I was born a boy, that I didn't pass very well. But she really wanted to hook up still, saying she loved how boys who transition into girls like me wind up with such big boobs that they're kind of a give away. Because cis girls would get a reduction and hate being so busty, but trans girls keep them and let them grow to bovine proportions. Since we have boy libidos and get turned on by monster tits and other perverted stuff. But she said she's a bit of a pervert, too.

I told her I was flattered but I'm not especially kinky. She promised me if we got together she'd make me kinkier than I ever could've dreamed. Sooooo I just had to say yes. We've been together three months, but I'm still not sure what she meant exactly..... We have sex and she encourages me to use my cock, although she tops, she likes me to stroke my cock and edge for her. She likes to tell me when I can or can't cum, which is pretty fun, although a bit frustrating since I swear I've been getting hornier since I met her! And my cock has actually grown, weirdly enough! That happen to any other trans girls at nineteen? I haven't missed any of my meds. But I've gone from four inches fully erect to almost ten! It's embarrassing having a big dick but at least Nikki seems to like it, joking how it just proves I'm really a boy deep down. It's weird but my heart flutters when she calls me a boy, especially in public. It actually makes my cock hard..... Oh, and suddenly my stubble and beard are coming in! Is that normal? I've been on blockers since ten and hormones at twelve. Should I see my doctor or do you girls think I should just let it come in? I'm OK at covering it with makeup but I feel like it's coming in really fast. Oh well, hope you all have a lovely day! ❤️"

"Fuck..... It's been two years since my last post because, well, as everyone was commenting, yes Nikki was a TERF, and yes.... she was sneaking me testosterone. You all called it and I totally ignored it. Now I'm seeing what she meant by kinky.... It was one thing to control when I cum, but now my life revolves around Nikki's fetishes. It started with her detransitioning me, training me to edge and not cum unless she allowed it. Soon my voice dropped, my body hair and beard grew thick. I couldn't hide that I was a guy at all. And fuck it made me so damn hard! I feel disgusting, thinking of how I threw my beautiful body away for Nikki. But my cock is so big now! It aches to be stroked and played with all day, but instead every time I get an erection I have to eat or chug weight gain shakes until Nikki gets home and lets me cum.

Nikki apparently loves extremely fat men and loves turning beautiful trans girls into fat men even more. I'm definitely not the first or last trans girl she's done this to. I even had to watch as she made me get my boobs chopped off. Reduced to a flat, boy's chest, as I was only numbed, kept awake as the surgeon destroyed my perfect breasts. Nikki was in the corner, controlling a set of vibrating toys, one in my ass, the other inserted into my fat cock. I was still thin and pretty that day, and it's one of the few videos Nikki actually lets me jerk off to when I'm allowed to cum. That, and videos of other trans girls she's dated enduring the same thing. Always still slim and beautiful, breasts at least a HH-Cup or bigger. Stubble starting to show on their faces, voices just beginning to crack as they're forced to watch a surgeon dismantle and ruin their beautiful, estrogen-fattened breasts.

Now my whole life is sitting home eating. Sometimes Nikki goes days without coming home and letting me cum, since she has so many other former trans girls to keep fed and growing, making sure none of us are breaking our rules, being naughty, and gooning on our own. Although, as a boy the temptation to edge and stroke and goon all day is always at the forefront of my brain. Eating is the only thing that quiets my urges..... temporarily. So I eat more and more, gorging myself, becoming a hairy tub of lard for Nikki, knowing I'll never, ever pass as a girl again. Not that I was ever very convincing.... I can't wait to get as fat as possible to show Nikki what a devoted, pathetic hog I've become! Although it is fun to watch her get mad when I can't help myself and I jerk off for hours on end to girls getting forcibly detransitioned....."

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm detrans kink #mtftm nsft #mtftm kink #mtftm jackoff fuel #detrans feedee #mtf weight gain #weight gain kink

[batsplat]

do you have any more thoughts on sete&vale rivalry? ps. love your blog!

I ALWAYS have more thoughts about the sete/valentino rivalry and if there is one person on this website who wants to read them then let's fucking go. so my issue is that when I looked at this ask the first time I thought I could maybe give like. a few thoughts. just some casual fun takes. the problem is I've been doing that anyway in my other posts, but there's really only so much point in doing that if I'm not providing any context on events that are by this point two decades old. so. time for some actual context

this isn't going to be exhaustive by any stretch of the imagination. what I'm covering here is two/three incredibly interesting years of motogp that deserve to be experienced and studied in their entirety, but alas I am but one poster on one microblogging website. so this is very much going to be the whistle-stop tour of explaining feuds, before a little bit of analysis to cap things off. (would like to state for the record that I called it 'whistle-stop' when this post was a lot shorter than it is now, but I'm leaving this paragraph in because it'll get funnier the longer you scroll. it's still not exhaustive but it's a lot more exhaustive than I thought it'd be when I wrote those sentences)

this rivalry began in an odd, uncertain period of valentino's career, at a time when valentino had essentially won motogp. he had just concluded his 2002 season and sealed his second premier class title in the process, with his results that year consisting of eleven wins, four second places and a single retirement. it was more or less as good as it gets, crushingly dominant, the undisputed lord and master of all he surveyed etc etc etc. and yet it was also a time where he was ill at ease with his role within the sport and was struggling with motivation, so much so that he increasingly found himself no longer taking joy in his racing. he ended up being so disillusioned with the existing state of affairs that he decided to make a radical move to redefine himself, to control his own destiny, to take the step from a great to a legend

which is all very abstract, in a way, removed from the realities of racing or indeed competition. this was a time in which no other rider could come close to matching valentino as a competitor and everyone basically knew as much. it adds an odd flavour to the challenges an athlete faces, where the success is such that it warps everyone's understanding of what success even looks like (not helped by how the last dominant athlete in the sport, mick doohan, also had a silly good track record in his prime). you could say, if you want, that 2002 is all about sowing, all about vale having so much success that it's started to feel a bit too easy, where he was just coasting on a wave of his own brilliance. 2003? well, now we've gotten to the reaping stage, where he's suffering under the expectations he himself has created, and all this winning is maybe already getting kind of boring

the first task in sports is not to be better than everyone else - it is to win. being better helps, but it has never been strictly necessary. there was no serious question at any point during his rivalry with gibernau who the better rider was between the pair of them. perhaps even more importantly, there was no question who the stronger between the two of them should be. over the years, valentino would have to deal with more than his fair share of young talent who proved they could match him in ability, the riders who had already long been marked for greatness and had the potential to be valentino's successors to the throne. gibernau was not that man - he was older, he was less accomplished, he was a revelation rather than anointed. it's one thing to be challenged by an alien, quite the other to be beaten by a bog standard human. especially if the bar for what constitutes being 'beaten' is set pretty low - never mind full seasons, should you even be losing individual races to this new challenger?

the rivalry between valentino and sete is not one of two equals, neither in ability nor in how their success was measured. but it became one that spawned a close title fight, courtesy of valentino unexpectedly wrestling the yamaha into title contention against his former employers at the first time of asking. valentino's main pressures in those years did not come because of any other rider, including sete - they stemmed from external forces such as honda or the press, from his internal struggles, and eventually were self-imposed in his decision to take a step into the unknown and join yamaha. the shape that this rivalry took reflected the disparity between the pair of them at every stage. valentino's biggest enemy during those years only ever could have been himself - so could sete exert himself upon this narrative at all? was he only relevant as long as valentino let him be? has he been so conclusively beaten that he has allowed valentino to erase him from his story entirely?

the first task in sports isn't to be better than everyone else... but it usually isn't quite this low down on the order of priorities. when 'being better than everyone else' is taken as read, then where does the narrative tension come from? usually, this is the kind of issue that commercial stakeholders and broadcasters and journalists and fans care about - not the dominant athlete of the time. but valentino is a storyteller and he does care. he can't handle stagnation. he can't handle being bored. he needs something to fight for and someone to fight and he needs all of it to happen on his own terms. the rivalry between valentino and sete becomes about everything except who the better rider is - and they happen to be perfectly suited characters for a rivalry such as this. for something that feels a little removed from the typical pressures of competition, of simply doing all you can to win, to beat the other guy, in whatever way you can, to rack up one victory after the other... but what we're primarily talking about here isn't numbers, it's theatre. it's show. and it's about two men who are particularly in tune with the artifice of it all, who are particularly concerned with how the world perceives them. valentino always knows where the camera is, always knows to play to it - and sete knows where it is too, which is what valentino uses to unsettle him to the point of despair

so, that's the set-up. let's bring in the context. what I'll cover here is mostly limited to what transpires during the years in which the rivalry is at its most prominent, aka 2003-05-ish, and mostly stays away from its legacy or repercussions. the first bit covers sete's emergence as valentino's rival, then how he becomes honda's best hope of stopping valentino, then the controversy that ruined their relationship, and finally how sete falls apart. after that, I'll give some of my thoughts about the rivalry and how it functions as a narrative. but again, there's a lot that's being left out here - like the bits of my notes that are just a tally of every misfortune that befalls sete gibernau post-qatar 2004. remember, kids: curses are a nasty nasty business and should be wielded with care

becoming the challenger

sete's rise to becoming a legitimate title contender was in some ways as unlikely as the manner of his downfall. born in december of 1972, so six-and-a-bit years older than valentino, his grandfather was a titan in the motorcycling industry and he grew up both affluent and surrounded by bikes. he's unusually well-educated for a rider, proficient in languages even by paddock standards - and, like valentino, a bit of an aberration from the mould of the stereotypical nineties bike racer. the reputation he had was for being a bit too vain, a bit too metropolitan, too self-absorbed to be suited to the rough-and-tumble of elite motorcycle racing

by the time he signed with the gresini honda team in 2003, his track record was very far from that of a title contender. after various wildcards in the mid-nineties, he'd finally managed to get a permanent seat first in 250cc and then in 500cc. eventually racing for repsol honda and taking doohan's bike when he was injured badly enough to force his retirement, sete's initial promise remained largely unfulfilled and he was dropped by honda after the 2000 season. he joined suzuki, who were struggling immensely in the aftermath of their title courtesy of kenny roberts jr. sete did get his first premier class win in valencia in 2001 in mixed conditions - a rare race that year valentino did not win after making a conservative tyre choice at a track he's in any case always been dreadful at. in 2002, suzuki was still struggling, though the wet conditions in estoril gave sete a chance for an early duel with valentino until he crashed. valentino said afterwards he felt sorry for sete (in a nice way not a condescending way)

^sete's first ever win came in valencia far far ahead of valentino in a lowly eleventh place. incidentally, it was there that a year prior vale's late charge to an increasingly plausible rookie 500cc title came unstuck. it's fair to say it's not exactly his favourite circuit on the calendar, which some might call a sign of good taste

and then, the move to gresini honda in 2003 - to which he also brought his sponsor telefonica, who became the team's title sponsor for the next few years. as I'm sure fans of the current era are able to appreciate, while it might have been a step from a factory to a satellite squad it was a very obvious competitive upgrade. he may not have had the newest spec of honda, unlike his teammate, but he was still satisfied with his machinery and his new team

sete and valentino had already had a good relationship at this point, a friendship that extended beyond paddock walls. they'd get drunk together after races, party together on ibiza over the summer holidays - and of course there's the story of sete giving valentino advice upon his transition to 500cc. previously, valentino's most notable rivals had come from other factories, whether kenny roberts jr on the suzuki or max biaggi on the yamaha. but honda had poached biaggi for the 2003 season and - after a brief blip in 2000 -were establishing themselves once again as the overwhelmingly dominant force of the sport, boasting an embarrassment of riches both in the engineering department and in their formidable host of riders. they were the undisputed kings of motogp and were comfortable in knowing that their bikes were so good that the riders were far from essential, all easy enough to replace if they had to be. all of which meant valentino knew going into that year that his most significant challenges were likely to come from within his own house, though he would hardly have expected sete to lead the charge

but then, a tragedy in the very first race of 2003 changed things. in suzuka, gresini honda rider daijiro kato crashed and hit one of the walls, later succumbing to his injuries. kato had been a 250cc champion and was widely tipped as a future premier class champion, japan's best hope for a first in that category. even though gibernau and kato had only been teammates for a short time, sete had immediately felt welcomed within the team and had worked together closely with kato over winter testing, including helping him out in the wet conditions in which kato had long struggled

the brutality of racing is such that two weeks later, the grid were to line up again at welkom. and it was there that gibernau secured an unlikely, fantastical win from pole position holding off valentino along the way. he dedicated his victory to his fallen teammate - who he said had been with him when he was riding. he wore kato's #74 on his leathers for the rest of his career. whether rightly or wrongly, paddock consensus was that the events had transformed gibernau, had made him into someone who took his racing more seriously, had made him finally commit all his mind and body and soul to riding, to fighting, to winning

^pointing up to the sky at welkom 2003. the number 74 is prominently placed on his upper chest to the right

it also had another effect. kato's death sparked controversy due to the layout of the suzuka track, the decision of the officials not to halt the race, and the rescue workers who had failed to follow proper medical procedure in moving him. both sete and valentino reportedly said they would not race there again, and it did end up being the last year grand prix motorcycle racing came to that track. it also prompted conversations about what could be done to better protect riders - and sete was one of the main figures behind the idea that riders themselves should have more of a say in safety standards. this led to the establishment of the safety commission, which back then included fewer riders but both valentino and especially sete involved themselves in

^sete at a safety commission meeting

did the tragedy really transform sete's fortunes as a racer? perhaps, though the switch to honda and a team he grew so fond of surely would have helped in any case. still, the contrast in his results and how he went about achieving them is stark; we'll never know for certain, but it's understandable why it's such a popular interpretation. another factor, too - despite some initial resistance, sete ended up inheriting kato's factory-spec machinery and was now riding the same bike as the other primary contenders of that season. the first half of his 2003 quickly cemented his new status within the factory, winning again in le mans, and then in assen. by the time they reached the halfway point of the season after donington park, sete was in second place in the standings, just clear of biaggi and only 34 points behind valentino

which is where we get back to valentino and ask ourselves what the hell that man thought he was playing at. did he really believe that it was all right to sit on a mere 34-point lead halfway through the season? was valentino, at the tender age of twenty four, already washed? was he finished? was this the beginning of the end? had he already peaked? did he just not have it in him any more?

obviously the answer to all of those things is 'no' and also 'what?' - but these were questions that many, most notably in the italian press, were in all seriousness asking anyone who would listen. now, valentino had theoretically just won in donington, except en route he had overtaken under a yellow flag and was controversially stripped of that victory after the fact. which meant that - you may want to hold onto something here - valentino had gone for a whole three races without winning. that's right. three races. granted, he'd already secured three victories that season and had been on the podium every single race, but the pressure was beginning to mount on valentino to deliver. it wasn't just the three race losing streak, but also the emergence of sete as a serious rival and how he had gotten the better of valentino - first at welkom by holding him off, then at le mans by beating him on the very last lap. valentino had also separately fucked up in a duel against capirossi for the victory in catalunya (funnily enough not one of the valentino duels there everyone remembers), eventually making a big enough mistake he had to spend the rest of the race recovering to second. honda had expectations, the italian press had standards, and the sheer dominance of his 2002 campaign meant that even the slightest dips in form translated into criticism of valentino and speculation on the state of his mettle or lack thereof. and things were about to get even worse

last race before the summer break and they're headed to the sachsenring - and here we were provided with a classic valentino performance right until the very moment where it wasn't. when sete caught up with him, valentino let him go ahead to study him from behind and crack him at the very end. he made his move on the penultimate corner of the race and successfully got ahead - but made a mistake in picking a very tight line into the final corner and lost too much speed, allowing sete to beat him to the line by a mere 0.06s. the general perception was that this had been a winnable race, and that it had been lost, more than anything else, out of arrogance. he could have attacked earlier - and if he didn't, then at the very least he should have been smarter about the final corner. he had allowed sete to beat him in a straight fight for the third time that year, who was now on four wins that season to valentino's three. all this meant that valentino's winless streak had been extended to four. that's right. you heard me. valentino rossi, the man they call the goat, had the audacity to go a whole. four. races. without. winning. the italian press had a field day and were calling for blood, and who could blame them?

^sete gibernau posing for a photo with a washed-up loser

luckily, valentino had the summer break to go off and clear his head and think about what he'd done. it was a good chance to get away from the constant scrutiny and criticism that had come during a year in which he'd already been feeling discontent with honda from the very beginning. the perception was that valentino had had it too easy and was resting on his laurels, no longer taking racing seriously enough, coasting on past successes that he was finding it hard to replicate - never mind his 29-point lead in the championship standings. so valentino ends up doing what is sensible in that situation. has a hot girl crisis. goes to ibiza. gets his hair dyed red. rocks up at the paddock for brno with his cool new hair as a bit of a throwback - he's still that guy who knows to have fun, he won't let any of this get to him, he's not going to take any of this too seriously

here's a more in-depth post on brno 2003 including, of course, his celebrations. to summarise - he won a tight thriller of a race and this time beat sete to the line, just about. then he celebrated by having a bunch of his fans dress up as convicts and donning his own cap and ball and chain - a 'prisoner of his own success', if you will. another step was taken that weekend on the road that would eventually lead him to abandoning honda and signing with yamaha. and here he is in his autobiography talking about his disillusionment with honda. he's not the first athlete to feel unhappy within his team, not the first dominant sportsperson to struggle to find motivation. still, when you consider how long his career ended up lasting, there's something remarkable to how quickly it threatened to turn joyless to him. if he were one of those athletes who just needed to win to be happy, he would have been fine within honda

but that's what valentino's all about, isn't it. within honda, under the ferocious glare of the italian press, he felt trapped. he felt imprisoned. he felt burdened by the expectations that his own victories had placed on his shoulders. it isn't enough for him simply to win. not if the winning isn't happening on his own terms. not if it's just another way in which honda can show off how superior their bike is. just another means for the italian press to ramp up pressure on him in the future. if valentino doesn't win, then well, it'll be gibernau. it'll be biaggi. who cares? valentino isn't essential to honda's success - the bike is. and vale decided he could no longer accept that. he returned to his roots in brno with the haircut and the celebrations and the candlelight meetings with yamaha that demonstrated his determination to forge his own path. winning is a part of him; when he wins he uses it to express himself, to define both who he is and who he is not - which is where, of course, the rivals enter the picture. valentino delineates his self against the other as much as anyone does, expressing his identity both as a racer and as a person by drawing the line between himself and his enemy and making a spectacle of what separates them. you can only win when you beat someone else, and valentino has always understood that the vanquished is very nearly as big a part of the show as the vanquisher

but here, the relationship between valentino and sete was at the very least outwardly still warm. they were both as gracious in defeat as they were in victory - helped along by the awareness that whatever the frothing italian press might pretend, valentino was unlikely to lose that year's title. still, were tensions beginning to creep in, given how valentino retrospectively speaks in his autobiography about how both biaggi and gibernau complained he had superior machinery? how about when rumours began to fly about valentino's impending move to yamaha and sete supposedly said valentino won't have so much to laugh about the next year? or the glee valentino read on sete's face at the thought of valentino's departure from honda? another point, on the ibiza trips - it's unclear when and how many times they happened, but one source suggests they had stopped in 2003. on the other hand, the brno 2003 race commentary makes multiple references to how they'd been partying together on ibiza during the summer break (which you'd have to say is pretty remarkable in itself after a race like sachsenring), and I'm inclined to trust the race commentary on this one. so maybe it's 2004 the trips tail off... at what point then did the relationship between the two of them begin to transform from friends to true rivals, however genial to begin with? how wary had valentino already grown of sete by the end of 2003?

^age old tradition. sete buddy that kid is going to ruin you

in any case, the remainder of valentino's season was close to flawless, winning five of the six remaining races. in sepang, having already decided he was going to sign with yamaha come what may, he sealed the title with a dominant win over sete - and brought back the convict celebrations, except this time he had a big novelty key to open the big novelty lock, presumably to signify how he could finally escape. which is charmingly on the nose, yes, but there's something enjoyable about an athlete who is so very committed to making the subtext text. how better to conclude his time with honda, who he had grown so very disillusioned with? tell them how you really feel and all that

^after vale has sealed the title at sepang. sete gives him a nice little kiss before assaulting him with champagne on the podium

or - not quite to a conclusion, not yet. after all, there were still two more races to go in 2003. in phillip island, he secured one of the more spectacular victories of his career when he once again fell foul of the 'could you please stop overtaking under yellow flags' thing - but this time, was informed of the situation and his ten second time penalty during rather than after the race. furious at the penalty, he flew off, setting a blistering pace that not only gave him the requisite ten second margin over his closest challenger capirossi, but eventually meant he crossed the line fifteen seconds ahead of his countryman. he had a point to prove that day, and proved it. he might have been on the best bike, yes - but he was laughably better than anyone else riding it, and the world still hadn't seen yet all that he was capable of

then came the last race of the season and the announcement honda and valentino would be holding a press conference together afterwards, widely expected to be announcing a split that for much of the year the paddock refused to believe might actually happen. one more ride on the honda that valentino must say farewell to and will dearly miss - that unfortunately took place at valencia, an ugly bore of a track that valentino has always been awful at, the only one on the calendar he had not yet conquered. but he needed to say goodbye to his beloved bike (decked in an austin powers-themed special livery) in style, and he went on to win the race before telling the world that him and honda were parting ways. time to go to yamaha and prove the haters and losers wrong - including one sete gibernau

^honda or yamaha, friendship can survive anything <3 quite like valentino's unorthodox spraying technique in the photo on the right - sete was admirably determined to drench vale at welkom

honda's next champion?

the thing about 2004, right, is that the dominant rider in motogp had very nicely taken himself out of the picture for at least a year to try and turn that useless pile of junk into title-contending machinery. maybe rossi would start turning things around in the second half of the year and snatch an occasional win. maybe he'd put together a title charge in 2005, though that was by no means guaranteed - it was entirely plausible that his failure would be as complete as it would be spectacular. what this meant for everyone else was that they'd basically been given a freebie. a clear run at the title, as long as they could beat all the other non-rossi challengers. for a number of blokes at honda, this was the big year. biaggi, gibernau, anyone else who was feeling brave - this was the time. and honda, right, were going all in on this. rossi had the audacity, the nerve, the sheer disrespect to turn his back on them and imagine he could win without them. every rider dreamt of being decked in their colours, and valentino had walked away. they were going to throw all the considerable money and resources at their disposal behind a small army of riders, tasked not only with beating rossi but humiliating him

this is all a bit of an exaggeration, but not too much of one. as then-yamaha rider and then-valentino friend marco melandri put it in 2003, "if valentino did come to yamaha at least he would be able to give them direction with development, but he would not have a chance of winning". the best-placed yamaha rider in the 2003 championship standings had been carlos checa in seventh, and all yamaha riders combined had achieved a grand total of one podium finish that whole year. generally speaking, however, once this kind of idle speculation of 'oh imagine if he moved' actually becomes reality, the conversation does shift accordingly, and so the initial consensus of 'surely he can't win on a yamaha' of much of 2003 was already beginning to crack by the time they actually arrived at welkom. and the relationship with honda really did end on a pretty sour note, not least because valentino's former employers refused to let vale test the yamaha before his contract expired at the end of 2003 - which is generally a pretty decent barometer of whether a rider and team are parting on good terms. as valentino put it: "their attitude pissed me off. it will cost me four races, but I always knew things would be like that". in the end, obviously he was still able to make good use of the pre-season testing he did have and he was not cost "four races" - and at the very latest people had to reassess their outlook on the season when he hit the track at welkom. if anything, his immediate pace that weekend was distinctly un-valentino-like - who needs to already be fast on a friday? - and he led every session and qualified on pole. and then, he went and achieved what still remains possibly the greatest victory of his career after a thrilling battle with old foe biaggi right to the very end. sete was a very distant third

^sete drenching vale at welkom. I am once again going to do 2004 prop and let you know that some of the best races are available free online: welkom, mugello, catalunya, assen and qatar are all on youtube (they should upload phillip island but ah well)

of course, valentino did not have it all his own way that year. of course, sete was not suddenly replaced by biaggi as vale's prime challenger. but yes, sete will have had to readjust his expectations of valentino's season the same as everyone else. after welkom, the conversation shifted definitively from 'surely not' to 'could he really...?' - and all other contenders were informed in no uncertain terms that they were not to be granted a rossi-free season. that being said, of course this still very much looked like sete's best chance. of course this wasn't going to be as straightforward as valentino's past titles. perhaps, even, welkom had provided a somewhat illusory picture of what the competitive landscape actually looked like that season. perhaps people had been too hasty to hand the title to valentino again after welkom. a wet weather specialist, sete secured victory in a rainy jerez, while valentino struggled to get his yamaha to work in the wet and finished fourth - his first time off the podium in twenty four races. at le mans, another race in tricky conditions, sete won once again and extended his championship lead while valentino took another fourth place. the spectacle of welkom might have been a flash in the pan; it might be time to reassess the kinds of results valentino could achieve on a regular basis with that machinery

^left: valentino having fun in the wet of jerez; right: valentino's wood-themed helmet for mugello, because if you finish fourth you get a wooden medal

what followed was a pivotal stretch of three races that turned valentino's 2004 title bid from a dream to something that felt increasingly plausible, even likely. all three of these races were extremely closely fought. all three of them are very enjoyable to watch. all three of them are freely available on youtube dot com. first, they headed to mugello, a big one for both sete and valentino. valentino had won the last two races at mugello and it was the race that was more important to him than any other - so if you're sete, where better to stamp your authority on the season? the race ended up having a little bit of everything: a ferocious multi-rider scrap, a duel between the two main title contenders, a red flag and a restart due to the worsening meteorological situation that resulted in another multi-rider scrap. valentino had to make full use of his skills as well as his composure to go out and in essence win two entirely different races. after the second start he fell back as far as seventh as he figured out the grip conditions, taking his time to fuck around before eventually fucking off (or as much as you can fuck off when you only have two and a half laps left). still, sete managed to salvage a second place result and limited the points damage

^2004 is as close to a perfect season as you can get, but there is one major factor that holds it back: the colour schemes of the title contenders. extremely similar combinations of blue with a little yellow from guys who aren't even in the same factory, let alone teammates - and jorge was always way easier to distinguish from valentino than this mess. what makes this extra stupid is that valentino's actual teammate that year, carlos checa, had a RED livery and RED leathers so. okay. great job guys. anyway, cracking race, split into two halves (or well. four fifths and a fifth). apparently, sete overtook valentino at some point under a yellow flag - or, at least, valentino says he did, which is something he remembers just in time for that year's sepang press conference

so a home victory secured and a hat trick of mugello wins - time to head back to sete land and fight it out in catalunya. top five valentino catalunya duel for sure, a pretty crowded category. sete had led every single session going into the race, but in the end he came out second best in a fight that went on until the very last lap. no longer was valentino willing to let sete get the better of him in head-to-head combat, and the victory was even sweeter coming as it did on sete's home turf - and indeed valentino would establish a bit of a tradition of beating spaniards at that track. the tide was turning and increasingly it did look like valentino might actually achieve the impossible

"One hundred and five thousand screaming Spaniards roar on their hero Sete Gibernau. He's something of an unexpected hero really. After so many years in grand prix, he lived in the shadow of Alex Criville. Criville's retired, Gibernau is on the Honda, and Gibernau is leading the world championship."

^excerpt from the catalunya 2004 commentary

and then, the next race: time for assen

^still friendly and chatting before the first real trial their relationship faces. by the by, the commentary for this race references a cartoon proposing that all that valentino needs to do to keep sete behind him is to attach a mirror to the back of his bike - because sete would be too busy posing. which gives you a general sense of the tone people used to discuss sete with

coming into this race, sete had gotten two consecutive second places to valentino. his championship lead had shrunk to five points. valentino had already gotten the yamaha into race-winning shape sooner than anyone had expected, and now it increasingly looked like he might be able to achieve the week-to-week results that won championships. it also did not help that sete's defeats had come in direct duels with valentino - in the early days of that rivalry, this exact type of duel had been how sete had announced himself as a serious threat. if it came down to another direct fight between the two of them, sete badly wanted to get a win over his rival, not just for points but for pride. and valentino, conversely, wanted to press home the advantage, to bite harder when his opponent was already bleeding. if you will

this turned into a bit of a three-way tussle between those two and barros, but then barros crashed out and it was just the two of them - going into the very last lap with sete ahead. valentino, who was having to risk far more on the yamaha than he ever did on the honda, made a lunge up the inside of turn 12 and almost binned it in the following corner. nearly losing the front resulted in contact with sete, where sete's front wheel hit the rear of vale's bike and damaged the front mudguard - and in the end sete backed off just a touch, allowing vale to cross the line with almost half a second in hand

valentino was enthusiastic in his celebrations, shall we say, whereas sete... well. sete did not look thrilled. gone were the usual parc fermé exchanges, no more hugs or friendly handshakes or kisses. sete suffered his way through the podium celebrations as the wettest of wet blankets, popping the champagne for about half a second and staying rooted in place while valentino carried on doing his thing. the natural assumption would be that sete was furious not just at losing but at the manner in which the pass for the victory was executed, out of control and in a way that could have easily resulted in a crash for both of them. valentino certainly assumed as much, saying that sete was "for sure a little bit angry" (clip here, also includes sete's statement). but when it was sete's turn to speak... he just said he was frustrated at losing, as anyone would be in his situation. which, well, doesn't quite fit in with his reaction, and also doesn't entirely match up with other statements he made at the time. there are two more sets of quotes from the protagonists of the race, though I can't determine with absolute certainty in which order these things were said. here's the first (article dated day of the race):

Gibernau lost vital time in that clash and was not able to challenge on the remainder of the lap but Rossi insists he did not deliberately block the Telefonica Movistar Honda rider. "I came into the bend a little too quickly and I slightly lost control of the front of my Yamaha, which explains why I touched him, but it wasn't intentional," he said. Gibernau did not use the incident as an excuse for his defeat. "To be overtaken in the final meters after dominating the race, it's obviously gutting," said the Spaniard. "I was angry about the way he overtook me. His manoeuvre really was risky. He said he didn't do it on purpose, but it doesn't take away my disappointment."

and here's the second (article dated the day after the race):

"I made a mistake and had to brake early or I would have crashed," said Rossi, explaining why he slowed so suddenly in front of the Spaniard. "I did not even feel Sete touch me. He was very angry, but I explained what happened." For his part, and after having chance to cool down, Gibernau appeared to accept that the contact hadn't been deliberate. "I had a good chance right until the end but we touched on the last lap - Valentino explained that he almost fell and, if that's the case, then there's nothing for me to say," shrugged Sete. "These things happen in racing. We had a good battle in another great race."

if that indeed is the order in which their statements were delivered, this whole episode feels like an interesting exercise in passive aggressive feuding - sete could have of course simply gone up to valentino, supposedly his friend, and asked for an explanation, or stated his objections openly when asked about them in the presser. instead, it seems to have been valentino who offered his explanations after sete had denied even having any issue with the overtake, with sete contradicting himself later by saying he had been angry. even then, sete said it didn't "take away my disappointment", which suggests not all was forgiven. from parc fermé to the podium to the press conference, he'd used every part of his body with full effect to express his displeasure with the notable exception of his mouth. this incident hasn't really been brought up by either party since, but as far as the eye test goes the relationship sure seemed like it was pretty strained by this. with the benefit of hindsight, it stands out as a turning point in their rivalry, the first time the veneer of the gracious loser was well and truly discarded and a sour note was added to the relationship. this was also the race where the championship lead was taken away from gibernau on countback, which incidentally was the last time an independent rider led the world championship standings until... uh... *squints at notes* argentina 2018

^already post-assen - but no reason not to be civil, right? what's a little last lap assen controversy between friends. scholars will note that this is the race after which valentino engaged in some unsavoury parc fermé activities with sete's then-teammate colin edwards

for the sake of brevity, the next part of the season is mostly going to be skipped over, but to give you the sparknotes version: sete's results grew more inconsistent, and valentino gained more of an advantage, despite still having to over-ride the bike in a way that helped cause his dnf in rio (his first dnf since brno 2002 and his first non-mechanical dnf since mugello 2001). apart from a brief period where biaggi seemed like he was going to reinsert himself in the title fight, plus a sete win in brno, for the most part the tide had clearly turned in valentino's favour and that yamaha title was looking more and more like a certainty. so let's pick up the narrative at the next major flashpoint between the pair of them, at motogp's first visit to qatar

I've already written up a post that gives more information on that race and the specifics of the controversy, so I'll forgo another detailed summary of events here. the basic facts we have at our disposal are that valentino's team, whether to his knowledge or not, rubbered up his spot of the grid, and he was then penalised for it. he worked his way up from the back of the grid before crashing out of fourth place. sete won, reducing the gap separating the two riders at the top of the standings to a mere fourteen points with three rounds to go. valentino was furious at sete, at honda, at the stewards, at pretty much everyone. here are some of his remarks:

"Gibernau's victory is not real. They stole the match from us with the shameful farce of the penalty. A truly incredible situation occurred. Everyone cleans the starting 'box'. Is there a written rule? In Rio we all went to wash the track, which was dirty. The same thing happened here. In F1 the cars skid, the asphalt is cleaned with the motorbikes. After Friday's practice [before the Saturday race] we saw Biaggi's mechanics cleaning the track and we thought it was a good idea. We cleaned the track and Honda screwed up. The others have to attach themselves to something. Gibernau and his chief suspension mechanic didn't hesitate to snitch like kids. Something ridiculous. I didn't expect to get to this point. In the race I gave a lot in the early stages, after two corners I was eighth and after four laps I was already in fourth position. I spent a lot and relaxed for a moment. Unfortunately I went wide and couldn't find the curb anymore. I made a mistake, but I wouldn't have made such a mistake if I had started from the front. I hope to make up for it in Malaysia, fortunately I didn't get hurt in the crash. It went well for the finger, when I saw the blood I was scared. But the finger didn't explode."

^some of these websites have a habit of collating a bunch of different answers into one paragraph of remarks but personally I am choosing to believe he did actually deliver this as a single monologue

valentino also said he had been looking for an excuse not to speak to sete, called him a child, saying sete had essentially stabbed him in the back. and of course, so the legend goes, he infamously vowed that sete would never win another race again

who snitched?

everything up until now has been more or less just summarising events as they happened - but now we enter considerably murkier waters. we do not definitively know one way or another what happened in qatar, who said what, who was responsible for what. let's get the less important mystery out of the way first: did valentino really curse sete?

no, not in the sense of 'did valentino rossi really perform black magic' - more the question of if he ever really said it. a lot of journalists who are otherwise at least mildly reputable seem to take it as read, but also a lot of journalists are motivated to believe he said it because it makes for a fantastic story. when did he say it? to whom? one source talks about it being at the press conference of the following race, which I know for a fact is not the case. here's a source that is one of the ones to have swayed me more to the side of 'yeah maybe he did say it':

Rossi then did an interview with Italian TV. He’d hurt his little finger, really mashed it up, in the crash. And he famously said “I will make sure Gibernau will never win another race because of this”. We’ve all got a soft spot for Valentino, and I can remember thinking ‘oh God, I wouldn’t have said that if I were you. I really wouldn’t have said that…’

I know this is objectively not a lot to go on, but at least it's a commentator/journalist who was there at the time, claiming they remember finding out about it, giving a little detail about to whom it supposedly was said ('italian tv') and having an immediate response to it that they are also remembering. obviously, this too could be bogus. but, well, at the end of the day I'm with the journalists here: I too want it to be true because it is indeed a fantastic story. there has also been the suggestion, again poorly sourced, that valentino has denied saying this - or, and this genuinely would be my favourite option of them all, that he said he only meant it for that year. hate it when I place a curse on someone and it accidentally lasts too long

now that I've done my due diligence, here's the good bit: beyond a certain point, it does not matter whether valentino actually said it or not. what mattered is that everyone thought he said it - and, crucially, as 2005 wore on, it became ever more part of the discourse. it was part of the reporting of races: could gibernau finally break the curse? it was discussed extensively in the commentary: we're back in qatar, do curses have an expiration date of a year or not? there is no way that within the claustrophobic world of the motogp paddock sete would have been been able to avoid it, let alone be unaware of it entirely. (incidentally, the fact that this is the case and I've not been able to find a better source of valentino denying it makes me again feel like he did actually say it - though I suppose it'd also be pretty funny if he hadn't said it but was like. actually this is working out quite nicely for me.) assuming for a moment that valentino is not capable of literally cursing people, the 'real effect' the curse can have is only in tormenting its victim through the mere knowledge of its supposed existence

but we're getting ahead of ourselves here. whether the curse existed or not, it could only have the effect it had if valentino fulfilled its initial promise - by denying sete another win that season while securing the title for himself. so let's just quickly recap where we're at: three rounds to go, fourteen points between the two contenders. valentino went back to italy to try and fix the fucked up finger and presumably to cool off a bit. the motogp media did what it does best and spent the entire week hyping up the drama. and there was, of course, another mystery everyone was still trying to get to the bottom of: was sete really involved in valentino's penalty?

let's first tack on another question: does it even matter? of course, the truth has never been established with 100% certainty either way, and all it does is give the two parties a reason to blow up a friendship that was already getting a little bit strained. either way, the relationship between them was ruined; either way, valentino crushed sete. not just that - whether it really happened or not is one thing, but I feel just a touch more confident in asserting that valentino believed it happened, just from my extreme vibes-based analysis of how genuinely furious he seemed and how he was still referring to sete's dirty games a whole eleven years later. which, of course, doesn't in itself really tell us one way or another what actually happened. valentino can convince himself of all manner of things. if anything, his track record as well as how ruthlessly he exploited the situation to his own advantage count against believing his version of events. and, at the end of the day, only one of valentino and sete can speak to sete's involvement in the protest that caused the penalty with complete certainty. it's not valentino

and in a way, it doesn't really matter. sete is unsettled either way - because even if he did have some hand in the penalty, this is the kind of low level petty snitching athletes and their teams constantly engage in. I cannot imagine he would have thought valentino would react as he did. quite honestly, I'm not sure sete could have conceived of a rival reacting like that to anything. if sete was responsible, then valentino still managed to escalate to a level of hostility sete would never have been able to match, let alone be comfortable with. obviously, it would not be in his interest to retroactively admit any involvement in the matter, not least because he saw how valentino responded to the mere assumption of sete's guilt. it does, however, still matter in evaluating sete's assertions that the relationship between them changed more or less from one day to the next (which *gestures at the above wall of text* I'm not entirely convinced by), and in judging whether this is a feud that's entirely built on the back of valentino's delusions. was sete really completely unaware and, a separate question - was it an unreasonable assumption from valentino that he was involved? if both of those questions are answered in the affirmative, then you do have to say what follows must have been absolutely bonkers from sete's perspective. I mean, it's kind of bonkers anyway, but. y'know. even more so

the problem with actually evaluating the claims are that basically every source about it frames the whole thing differently and often in contradictory ways, to the point where even valentino's actual allegation has been shrouded in the mists of time. different journalists and commentators and authors after the fact have confidently asserted that either hrc or sete's gresini team lodged the protest - some seem to take it as read that sete did indeed have some kind of role in it, and there is no indication whether they have some kind of privileged information that backs this up or whether this is simply valentino's influence making itself felt. hrc is obviously a likely suspect, given they canonically hate valentino and are praying for his downfall and have invested a whole lot already to bring it about. then again, gresini are the ones who are actually in this championship battle - and, of course, there's the distinct possibility that all parts of honda were involved in this together. other figures that have been brought up are gresini team principal fausto gresini who it has been claimed was personally involved in making the protest - this from the stuart barker biography, which treats it essentially as established fact. the barker biography also says that yamaha was not found to be breaking any specific rules, but race direction said it was against the 'spirit' of the sport, which... okay, I'd also be pretty annoyed to be penalised for that, especially at that stage of the season. while it is of course possible that sete was not involved in his own team's actions, it does seem a little less likely that he would not have at the very least been informed. to add another twist, one version of the story that has cropped up more than once is that valentino's allegation was that sete and his crew chief juan martinez went to hrc to get them to go to race direction. also, it may be that ducati protested both valentino and biaggi (who was definitely breaking the rules). which, good on them

unfortunately this is pretty inconclusive stuff and at a certain point it feels like you have nothing better than gut feeling to rely on to choose which narrative is more convincing to you. which is annoying! where's the substantial evidence! nowhere, it appears, not that I've been able to find it - but there is one more tangible source that I haven't brought up until now. you see, dorna, in their infinite commitment to the bit, have been kind enough to make the thursday press conference at the very next race one of the very few of that era that they have uploaded in its entirety. I am talking, of course, of the pre-event press conference at sepang

^posing for a friendly post-presser photo <3 two guys just chillin' having fun having a laff

if you are an aficionado of awkward and tense and kind of awful press conferences, then you will have an excellent time with this one. I've uploaded pretty much all of the relevant bits that I'll link to as I go; they're not obligatory watching to understand the rest of the post as I will be covering them here anyway, but they sure are interesting (and funny, which is really the most important thing)

first, let's set the scene: four blokes sitting at a table. the seat at its centre sits empty. the championship leader has not yet arrived when the press conference starts, removing the opportunity for one of the most sacred rituals that preempts any motogp press conference: the vibe check. a lot has happened and a lot has been said since the relevant parties last saw each other face to face and it is unclear where the vibes will be at when the reunion happens. will they acknowledge each other? make eye contact? shake hands? speak to each other? the journalists have not had a chance to find out. and one of the two involved parties has not either

after some softball questions relevant to 'racing' and 'points' in 'motogp' and its 'title fight', the moderator finally gets to the bit everyone's actually here for: the drama [1]. at this point, sete dates both the presser and himself by saying he's been trying to block everything out with his "mp3", before expressing his sympathy for valentino and saying he doesn't hold any of valentino's words spoken in the heat of the moment against him. at some point, he delivers a couple of lines that possess the kind of concentrated narrative juice you get a sugar high from, saying "we all know valentino. I know how he really is, he's a good guy". just as he finishes answering the question, his eyes flick over to the side - and the camera pans over to valentino entering the room with a slight smirk and of course his big ass sunglasses still very much adorning his face

nicky hayden sits to valentino's left and is interviewed before valentino is - while valentino does not acknowledge sete, who is sitting to his right. when he is questioned [2], valentino initially sounds like he is intending to turn the page on the whole affair and if anything doesn't particularly want to comment any further on what has happened. he also manages to deliver a truly classic motogp rider line, saying "I have a hole in the finger, but I think it is not a big problem for ride this weekend". right! but already here, it becomes swiftly clear that he is still furious at what happened and aggrieved by the penalty. he caps things off with a nice line saying that at least he wasn't actually slower than 'gibernau' in qatar, before turning around and shaking hayden's hand and chatting to him

it immediately becomes clear that all the questions from the floor are going to be about the same thing [3], and sete looks miserably uncomfortable while valentino just comes across as incredibly surly, his smile at times taking on a mildly murderous quality. one journalist fires off an all time classic presser question with "in qatar you say you were searching for an excuse to not talk any more with sete" and again valentino side steps, half-making it sound like he's willing to move on - while sete continues to strike a conciliatory note, continues to stress how it was all just the heat of the moment. but a follow-up question to valentino gives the journalists and sete the clearest indication that this, in fact, is really happening. valentino says this is not in the past, that he'd already said what he thinks last week and is standing by it. sete looks over at him - with disbelief, with incredulity, with the air of a man who really can't quite believe the turn this has taken

if there had been any lingering doubt at how unfairly treated valentino feels, he dispels it in his answer about stewarding decisions [4]. at the end of his exchange with the reporter about it, he brings up an incident where sete overtook under a yellow flag in mugello - which, quite honestly, I had not known about and I haven't found any reference to, so maybe nobody did spot it at the time if it indeed happened. remember, valentino had gone through not one but two bad run-ins with the yellow flag situation the year before, costing him a win at donington and making him ride at his limit to reclaim the win at phillip island. did he speak about this mugello situation at the time, or has he really just carried it around with him silently for months? a professional grudge-carrier, you have to say, a true master at the art. at the next question, valentino continues putting space between himself and sete [5], saying they have been rivals for a long time and that "it's the same condition" (i.e. situation). the friendship isn't just gone, it's so gone it might as well have never existed. if you really want to read more into this than the short response deserves, you could argue he's saying the facade has been lifted, that the true nature of the rivalry has been revealed at last

and now, we get to the critical part: sete is invited to explain himself and tell the press whether he had any involvement in the penalty or not [6]. he's clearly put a lot of thought into this in the past week and decided what he should focus on is that he wanted all the grid slots to be cleaned in the interest of safety. interestingly, he says "they" blocked him from doing that, but it's unclear whether he means gresini or someone else within honda. (presumably honda couldn't have known valentino's team would fuck about with a scooter, and remember camel honda rider biaggi also got a penalty so probably not some kind of company-wide internal memo.) (I mean I guess it'd also be funny if there had been a company-wide internal memo but nobody had thought to send it to biaggi.) sete's argument is basically that he'd be a hypocrite if he'd helped lodge a protest after he himself wanted the grid slots cleaned up - but given that valentino is quite literally calling him a backstabbing bastard, I imagine he wouldn't consider adding the hypocrite tag a bridge too far. the safety commission element of it all is kind of interesting, given as we've established valentino will likely have attended too. if sete raised this at the meeting and valentino did end up discussing it with his team, did vale end up feeling suckered into making a bad choice? probably not, just a thought

anyway, back to gibernau's response. as the journalist who asked the initial question notes, this is all a lot of waffling without a clear, firm denial (I'm paraphrasing) - and a clear, firm denial would generally be a good way to go about these things. in his next answer, sete again fails to just keep things simple, though again he denies any personal involvement. and then, the journalist asks sete to account for his team, including the fact that apparently one of sete's mechanics gave evidence to race direction... and sete says he can only speak for himself

so there we have it. that's the best singular piece of actual evidence I've got for sete's involvement, and at least comes close to confirming that somebody in gresini was involved in the protest, however tangentially. obviously, this in no way confirms sete was himself involved. at least it does give valentino an ever so slightly more reasonable basis of suspicion, though obviously it all just raises more questions like 'why was a gresini mechanic even giving evidence and what about'. that bit is then of course immediately followed by an exchange that's as good a confirmation as we're going to get that it was hrc not gresini who made the protest. so. yeah. I've got nothing. we don't know. draw your own conclusions. the presser ends with another question for good measure about the relationship between the two riders. sete first tells them, more or less, that it's none of their business before sharing a nice laugh with valentino about how valentino is never going to talk to him again

cursed

the thing about that press conference is that it's all well and good and fun to use it to try and piece together what really happened at qatar, but there are more interesting things to say about it. it is in that press conference that valentino well and truly begun the process of breaking sete, and he did so completely deliberately. it's quite the little show featuring two guys who are entirely aware that they are surrounded by cameras and reporters and are reacting accordingly. sete is committed to being dignified, to being unflappable, to being magnanimous: whatever valentino said, he will forgive him. he is happy to move on. but as the press conference progresses, he is slowly made to realise that his opponent is the one who is not ready to forgive and is not ready to play nice - not even for the cameras. especially not in front of the cameras

^his poor pinkie finger :(

sete must have felt on top of the world after qatar. he had clawed back 25 points. a championship that had already seemed lost suddenly felt like it might be in his grasp once again. valentino could complain and whine and be furious for italian television, but surely this is the kind of thing that blows over. for too long, sete is under the mistaken impression that they will move on from this. for too long in that presser, sete is playing at respectability while valentino has already progressed to open hostility. it's unnerving, of course it is, to suddenly be completely cold-shouldered and ignored by a man you had thought you were on reasonably good terms with a week ago. it's unnerving for it all to happen in front of cameras, when for so long you have been striving to present a cordial, friendly, civilised image of a rivalry. him and valentino don't do all that nasty business, not like valentino and biaggi. sete's better than that and valentino has grown up a bit - this is one of those ideal rivalries people are always going on about, the ones that are ferocious on-track but respectful and even warm off it. and so, despite everything valentino had said to the press over the past week, he still manages to completely blindside sete in the moment. he still manages to leave him unsettled, and even disoriented

and so we get to the race itself, pivotal for sete and his championship hopes. to still have a chance at clinching the title, he really needs to be fighting at the sharp end of all three of the remaining races. alas, it is not to be. valentino is reinvigorated after the humiliation of qatar and coasts through the weekend on a wave of irreverent indignation - telling reporters after qualifying on pole that this result had been important "especially since it means we know which part of the grid to clean tonight". he thrives in the chaos and the frenzied speculation and the seething tension - whereas sete is nowhere to be found all weekend. valentino wins with a comfortable margin while sete finishes a lowly seventh place. a healthy thirty point lead in the championship has been restored. now, then, in victory valentino has been provided with the opportunity to really twist in the knife. sete comes up alongside him on the cooldown lap, clearly wanting to shake hands - and valentino completely ignores him, does not as much as glance in his direction. then, he stops for one of those whimsical planned celebrations that he's ever so fond of, and he cleans his grid slot with a helpfully provided broom. as valentino says afterwards, "this time I wanted to destroy the morale of everybody". and if that wasn't enough, he adds in the post-race press conference "for me, sete did the best race of the season. he has given me a lot of points, which is like a big present. I am really grateful". charming as ever

^he also came up with his own cleaning crew founded with his trusty crew chief jerry burgess, 'la rapida', and had shirts mocked up - to 'eliminate dirt from motogp'. so nice to have a supportive crew chief, isn't it? from valentino after the race: "I've been working with jeremy for four years, together we've seen all sorts of things and when I arrived here I saw him with an incredible face, disgusted, saddened. he and the team said we had to react and so we did". and as jb put it, "valentino is the sort of rider I wouldn't want to get angry. he can take you apart on the track". the text on the shirt: "we clear out rats. we disinfect, clear drains and clean starting grids. we also do night jobs - all done in six seconds [aka the qualifying penalty he'd received]"

two races to go, and it's match point rossi. he finishes first or second at phillip island and the championship is his for certain - if he doesn't do so and sete wins the race, it's hello title decider. there is barely any doubt left in people's minds, then, about who the 2004 champion will be... but it's not a done deal. in the very worst case scenario, valentino enters the final round with a slender six point advantage. he's not safe yet. he's not safe yet on the very first lap, which, it has to be said, is a lot of fun. vale gets a better start than sete does from pole, but sete overtakes him around the outside and vale is quickly pushed to third - then fourth, at which point he runs off track and makes a risky excursion into the dirt. at the very next corner, he makes a downhill overtake on two ducatis at once, and sets about hunting down sete who has built up an advantage of over a second

so, in fittingly dramatic fashion, the race comes down to a duel between the two of them, valentino stalking sete around the track lap after lap. if valentino holds his ground, the championship is his - but sete takes the win and can go into the next season with new confidence and self-belief and hope for something better. valentino does not just want to avenge the injustice of qatar; this is an investment for the future. a way of telling sete that he has not just lost this season but that he will always lose, when fighting valentino. there is a promise to be kept, after all - whether it was only supposed to apply to that season or not, valentino refuses to let sete win another race. they exchange overtakes but sete is still just about in the lead when they enter the final lap. it is here that valentino makes his move, not once but twice to make it stick. his riding in that last lap isn't egregiously reckless but certainly not risk-free, and could have ended with him in the gravel and the championship still undecided in valencia. but he's not and it isn't - and just like his first premier class title (a comparison valentino himself makes in his autobiography), his first title with yamaha is sealed on the last lap of phillip island. his championship-winning shirt is uncharacteristically stark, reading simply 'che spettacolo' ('what a spectacle/show') - and he's not wrong. this has been a show, it's been a miracle, and in the end it's been theatre. he's sealed the title in style while also getting his revenge. it's winning in the most satisfying manner you can win anything: by beating somebody you loathe. celebrations are nice, but isn't there just something special about seeing the person you despise look so wholly miserable?

sete puts on a brave face, determined to be above valentino's pettiness. he goes over, shakes valentino's hand. valentino accepts. of course he does - he's won. sete was a few corners away from denying valentino's curse before it had ever really sunk its claws in. would it have changed things, if he could simply have regained a little confidence and found his bearings again after the psychological onslaught of the sepang weekend? maybe, maybe not. of course, looking at valentino's 2005 season, you have to say valentino was almost certainly operating on a level no version of sete would have been able to match. but there's still a lot of room between 'fighting for a championship' and 'becoming a shell of the rider you once were' - and if things had gone a little differently, you do also have to say that a championship as open as 2006 was could have represented opportunity for all manner of rider. if only he'd been able to cauterise the wound in phillip island, rather than letting valentino dig his teeth in even further

^at least capirossi's having a good time :D

the championship sealed and there's but one round to go. once again the paddock must regrettably visit a track that some critics have described as 'drab' and 'soulless' and 'the enemy of good racing', and one at which valentino has only won once before. but the way to tease out a special performance from valentino is generally to give him a point to prove, add in a little spite to get the fires spitting, and he wins at the circuit for the second (and last) time of his career. in front of the spanish fans too, which must have felt particularly satisfying - and the race itself isn't all too bad in the first half (the way valentino gets past gibernau/biaggi is quite funny). home hero sete takes fourth, and that's a wrap on the 2004 championship

there's something deceptively comfortable about the final numbers: 304 points to 257. 47 points. no problem. but sports isn't just numbers; it's the story those numbers tell. valentino was furious in qatar and he made a mistake and he ended up in a position where things don't have to go all that differently for him to lose the title. the momentum was on the side of his enemy, whose confidence and morale had been given a much-needed boost. the genius of the entire sepang weekend, from the press conference to his jibes in interviews to his dominance performance-wise to the cold shoulder to the pointed celebrations, was that they all worked together to stop that momentum cold

maybe it didn't make much of a difference - valentino was always in the stronger position given he both had a points advantage and was the faster man. but faster men have lost championships before. ignore raw pace and performance edge and all of that: valentino wrested control of the intangibles - momentum, self-belief, all of those abstract things that defy rational analysis - and brought them firmly back onto his side. sete spent the entire weekend off balance, unsettled, forced to discuss things that made him uncomfortable, engulfed in a media storm he was ill-suited to coping with. all the while, valentino relished it and used it to spur himself on. by the time sete had regrouped in phillip island and was far cooler - if still respectful - towards valentino, it was already too late

in the interest of eventually finishing this post, we're not going to cover sete's downfall in that much depth. but there is still one last critical blow that valentino has to inflict to truly bring an end to the gibernau experiment. the very first race of 2005 was one that valentino particularly wanted to win - not just to inform his competitors that this year would be more of the same, but also because they were once again on sete's home soil. time for jerez

^new year, new sete! this time he's going to show that italian upstart what's what

as ever, the media had done its best to hype up this new season. sete would be getting full support from the factory (which, yes, feels like maybe they should have considered providing a touch earlier) and he made it clear he was ready for the challenges ahead, ready to get revenge and all that. the spanish had grown fonder of their unexpected challenger too, and showed up in full force to support their man in the opening race. of course, a lot of people quietly agreed that realistically speaking, the competitive picture was looking pretty ominous. 2004 should have been the season in which valentino got the yamaha project up and running, setting up a title challenge in 2005. but he was ahead of schedule and surely the yamaha would only get stronger. still, you never know, right? that's why we line up on sunday etc etc

valentino stole pole position from sete right at the end of qualifying, but crashed in warm-up and ended up using his second bike, which is never ideal. the start was already feisty from both parties, and for a while valentino was relegated back to third. but sooner rather than later, he assumed his familiar position sitting right on sete's rear tyre, showing sete his wheel here and there just to remind him where he was. remember the whole sachsenring debacle after which valentino told himself that he wasn't going to leave it that late again? well, he was actually nice and sensible here, and made a move with two laps to go, successfully passing sete for the lead

which should have been the end of it. nice and clinical, a lovely relatively stress-free culmination of a whole race's work where valentino had diligently studied his opponent's strengths and weaknesses and had formulated his plan accordingly. job done, another win on the board to start the season. except then valentino decided to make things interesting again on the very last lap by out-braking himself on the back straight and running it wide into turn 6, allowing sete back through. there's a slightly frenetic energy with which valentino immediately hops back onto sete's rear wheel, already a touch of desperation about his lunge on the inside of turn 11 where he briefly goes past - but he's in too hot and sete's back in front

what all this means is that valentino really only has one opportunity left at turn 13 and barely any time to conceive of it. there's no planning or calculation or strategy here. valentino has one option to attack if he wants to win this race. it's a dive that is instinctive rather than planned - the only calculation here is that he would rather crash them both out than let sete win the race. back then (and a bit ironic from a modern point of view), valentino's infamous dangled leg was seen as evidence that he was out of control, doing anything he could to get the bike stopped while going for a gap that wasn't really there to be gone for. they make contact, valentino manages to get the bike turned and sete goes off into the gravel, but can get the bike back on track to finish second. valentino does a wheelie over the line. sete makes a thumbs down gesture

the spanish fans decide pretty quickly whose side they're taking in this. there's booing, whistling as valentino completes his victory lap, going full ham as he pumps his fists and claps at them and does a thumbs up and waves and puts his hand on his hip and all the rest of it as they scream at him. parc fermé is tense, the eye of the storm in the midst of the deafening roars of the crowd, with sete giving vale a couple of long looks as he gets off the bike. it's all big drama, everyone consulting their teams, talks of appeals to race direction, valentino grimly satisfied while sete is aggrieved, furious - stretching out his arm, clutching it, shaking his head while shaking teammate melandri's hand. he approaches valentino, says a few words to him as he walks past - valentino is not particularly interested in engaging in conversation. the crowd demands valentino's disqualification, and also call him a son of a whore. they're also obviously still booing. and whistling. lots of noise

on their way to the podium, sete is making tortured progress, pausing for a moment in the stairwell to clutch at his arm. at this point, valentino takes a moment to take the piss out of his rival, turning to the camera with a big smile and gesturing at sete. eventually they make it to the podium and vale laps up the displeasure of the spanish crowd. valentino smirks while sete goes for a sort of pained dignity, thanking the spanish crowd for their support, claiming the moral victory and all that. the italian anthem is almost inaudible

^sete always tried to go for a kind of stoically disapproving vibe, helped along this time by his pain in the shoulder. unfortunately for him, he does just come across as thoroughly defeated. which he was

the problem that sete faces here is that, while valentino is obviously more accustomed to a rather friendlier reception, it's also not like he particularly minds the spaniards giving him a hard time. valentino has claimed his fourth victory in succession, and has done so by once again denying sete on the very last lap. he has sent a message that this new season will be exactly the same as the last and that he remains exactly as determined to make sete's life miserable. while he does seem to think sete is playing up the shoulder injury, in general sete's solemn grimaces are like catnip to him. just before the anthem, he reaches out to shake first melandri's hand and then sete's - and sete hesitates, before extending his arm to the fullest extent to shake valentino's hand with about as little proximity as is physically possible. it's good sportsmanship, but it does also as good as tell valentino he's not going to kick up too big a fuss. in a way, whatever choice he made would have played into valentino's hands. even though this time sete may have directly confronted valentino, he's still not prepared to escalate things beyond that... and valentino knows it

^one of the classic rancid vibes podiums. the hands on hips at the ceaseless spanish booing is a nice touch

this choice to avoid further escalation is one sete continues to abide by in the press conference, echoing the assen presser from the year before beat for beat. again, valentino comments that it was a great battle, that sete is surely angry but, essentially, it is what it is ("this is the racing"). again, sete congratulates valentino for the win, but refrains from complaining about valentino's actions during the race. he has since said that he talked to race direction about it and was incredibly disillusioned about their choice not to penalise valentino - but again, not a whisper of it to the media with valentino sitting next to him

the one thing he did say was that he hoped he'd be fit to race in estoril because of his shoulder. remember the whole clutching at his arm routine where valentino (and the commentators) were kinda taking the mickey out of sete's comically pained expressions? well, um, turns out he did have a lot of pre-existing shoulder problems, and indeed that was the bit of his body that caused him considerable problems for the rest of his motogp career:

Gibernau dislocated his collarbone when he crashed out of the lead of the 2002 Portuguese Grand Prix on a Suzuki GSV-R, suffered a left shoulder tendon injury during his last turn clash with Valentino Rossi at Jerez 2005, then damaged the same shoulder further when he fell in practice for the following Estoril round. At the 2006 Catalan Grand Prix, Gibernau broke his left collarbone after spectacularly tangling with Ducati team-mate Loris Capirossi at the start of the race. Gibernau required a further operation shortly after when the titanium plate inserted to help his collarbone heal was found to have weakened. The new plate was in turn damaged when Gibernau hit Casey Stoner's fallen Honda in the penultimate round of the season, again at Estoril, marking the end of Gibernau's factory Ducati - and, it seemed - MotoGP career. Before making his 2009 MotoGP comeback, Gibernau had the metal plate removed from his collarbone, only to suffer shoulder ligament damage during training - forcing him to miss the final pre-season test.

well, anyway, after the controversy has had two weeks to continue on full steam, valentino does strike a somewhat more contrite note in the estoril pre-event press conference. he says he hadn't been aware of the whole shoulder situation and that sete had been unlucky given it had been a light touch in a slow corner... but having rewatched the footage he can see how, yes, maybe the contact could have hurt sete. these things happen, right? and at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter for valentino, because the controversy blows over. what remains is the blow (psychological rather than physical) he dealt sete. what remains is that he won and sete lost, again, and sete has still failed to win since qatar

"And I really think that as long as he wins this race, even if he only takes five points back off Valentino Rossi, he will be happy with that, because it's all about getting back to winning ways. He hasn't won since Qatar last October. He's got to take a victory, just to get his season back on course. Valentino Rossi is going to take a lot of stopping, and really all he can do is try and win this race in front of his home crowd." [...] "That race in Qatar, and the problems they had in that race with Valentino Rossi crashing out after having to start from the back of the grid was really when all the problems started, didn't it, for Sete Gibernau. [...] But really that's where his problems started, both on and off the track for Sete Gibernau after that race victory in Qatar. I really can't believe he would've believed that was going to happen. He was so, so pleased to win that race." [...] "This is a big big thirteen laps for Sete Gibernau, isn't it. If he can hold off Valentino Rossi, psychologically, it would be a very very big victory for him."

^excerpts from the catalunya 2005 commentary, the sixth round of the season. valentino had said in the presser after the preceding race that he expected biaggi and melandri to be his main rivals that season. sete leads for almost the entire race before valentino makes his race-winning overtake with three laps to go and smashes the previous circuit record on that lap

what remains is one failure after another. an important thing to stress when we talk about a 'curse' is that sete gibernau did not suddenly stop being a frontrunner after qatar 2004. he qualified on pole five times in 2005 (same as valentino, funnily enough - his average grid position was actually better than vale's, 2.82 v 4.12). even so, things go from bad to worse for sete. often valentino does his own dirty work in stopping sete when he's getting a bit too close to that elusive victory, winning a close duel in catalunya, pressuring sete into a mistake at the sachsenring, that kind of thing. often, he does not even have to. sometimes he took himself out, like crashing out of the lead in the wet conditions he was once so very skilled at in estoril (not helping his injured shoulder) or in donington park, where valentino went on to deliver perhaps the finest wet weather performance of his career to take the win

"I don't think anyone can be to blame for crashing out in these conditions, can they. [...] It really is at that stage of the season for Sete Gibernau where it's all or nothing, really just got to try and win races. We're now twelve races since his last victory at Qatar. Valentino Rossi promised after that race that Gibernau would never win another race and well it seems to be coming true so far."

^excerpt from the donington park 2005 commentary, the ninth race of the season, where sete crashed out of the lead in horrendous wet conditions

valentino's favoured way of winning races played into his hands here. pressure, pressure, pressure - preferably exerted from right behind his victim, with the knowledge that valentino is waiting and studying and ready to pounce on any mistake. even if you don't make any, he'll probably get you anyway. the effect of these defeats becomes nicely cumulative, where even the knowledge that valentino will be coming (even if he isn't there yet), that eventually he will try and pass you (even if he hasn't done so yet), is enough to make his opponents self-destruct before he even has to lift a finger. what he does to sete is the most extreme version of how that tactic typically works, by slowly eating away at sete's confidence and composure and self-belief until the eventual error feels increasingly inevitable. valentino knows it is coming, sete knows it is coming, and they both play their parts accordingly

"But Rossi straight after Gibernau, now he'll start those pressure games. Pressure is on Sete Gibernau. He has not won a race for a year; the last race win was here. And the man he doesn't speak to, he doesn't speak back to him either, Valentino Rossi, behind him, and Rossi will start exerting the pressure Rossi-style as we know." [...] "A year ago, wasn't it, it doesn't seem that long ago, doesn't it, that Sete Gibernau was so delighted to win the race here. And Valentino Rossi really left in a strop, didn't he. But there we are, Sete Gibernau - but we've seen it before, and Rossi seems so have this ability to faze him, out at the front, put pressure on him." [...] "Well, Nick, you said at the start of this race that Valentino Rossi has plenty of motivation to win this race here. He wants to take ten wins for Yamaha, it would be the first Yamaha rider ever to do that in the premier class. He wants to end a drought almost in his terms, certainly since he became a Yamaha rider - he's never gone three races without winning a race before, but that could happen today if Gibernau holds this out. And of course the one thing he really wants to stop is Sete Gibernau from winning a race one year on from the day that Rossi said he would never win another one for the rest of his career." "How long does a g-'s curse take, I mean, is it just a year, the g-'s curse and then does it come off? Because if it is then he's just about right, isn't he? [...] Perhaps the curse is gone; perhaps this is just what Sete Gibernau needed."

^excerpts from the qatar 2005 commentary, the fourteenth round of the season. sete looked like he was making a break for it ahead of valentino and then melandri. six laps to go melandri almost causes valentino to crash and costs valentino over a second, but it doesn't matter. this time it's melandri who has the honours of coaxing a mistake out of sete, who goes off into the gravel as melandri passes him. valentino overtakes melandri for the victory

sometimes, he did just seem cursed in the truest sense of the word. his bike running out of fuel on the last lap while he's still fighting valentino for the victory. mechanical dnf's. other riders barging him out of the way before valentino even has the chance to. he switched manufacturers for 2006, getting a spot on the ducati factory team: his last race with honda was ended by an engine failure and his first race with ducati was ended by an electronics failure. a freak boot protector malfunction that left his foot bleeding halfway through the race. a nasty crash in catalunya, followed by his ambulance crashing into a bus fifty metres in front of the hospital entrance. in the end, it was probably the injury caused by casey stoner bringing him down in estoril that pushed him definitively into retiring - after he was dropped by ducati in favour of casey. so it goes

obviously, valentino cannot be held responsible for anything in that last paragraph. you can't mind game your opponent into having their engine blow up, at least I don't think you can. the stuff before that is fair game. what valentino did in jerez essentially stopped the title fight before it could even get started. it was ruthlessly effective in removing sete as a significant player at the top of the sport. sure, it's always hard to attribute a competitive decline such as this one to any single factor. but if ever there was a time to maybe just blame one person...

sete more often than not has kept his silence about the rivalry. in 2005, he generally did not go much further than saying that the whole thing was one-sided and started by valentino, see this (from one of oxley's books):

But don't ask me about him as a person, I'll only speak about him from a professional point of view, that's about it. I don't know why he's got a problem with me because I've never had a problem with him. I've always had a lot of respect for everyone on the grid, I just wish everyone shared that respect, because once you lose respect you lose everything.

on a similar topic, at some point he has also spoken about the qatar controversy again, saying the following:

He blamed me but it was nothing I did. Of course I didn't report him - I didn't even see what happened. I'd had a very good relationship with Valentino for many years but after that it just came around.

in 2009, at the time of sete's ultimately short-lived motogp comeback, he went along with the slight farce of a reconciliation, shaking valentino's hand and talking to him with cameras watching - the season after valentino had regained his crown in '08. but it is fair to say not all is forgotten. at times, he has done his best to draw a line under jerez and continues to refrain from criticising valentino publicly, like this from 2017:

The Catalan avoids criticizing the Italian for any controversial maneuver, such as that of Jerez 2005. "At the time I was living, based on my values, principles and education, I tried to do things as well as I knew how. And I am very proud of what I did ." Sete explains what it means to battle Vale. "We did very nice things fighting against a phenomenon, he may be the best in the history of motorcycling. I am proud to have fought face to face with a guy who is a phenomenon," he explains.

(obviously, you can read this as valentino not following whatever values, principles or education he might have possessed.) at other times, he's been a little more openly critical. in 2020, he still did not criticise valentino as much as he did the response to the overtake, which he felt set a bad precedent and has contributed to the normalisation of a more aggressive style of racing in the years since:

I don't know how many times we've talked about that corner, but the more time goes by the more I understand after that, things change. Many people were seeing that move, and from that moment on it opened the door for it to happen many more times. At the end of the race, both of us did what we thought was best for the championship, and my opinion can be whatever. But since then things have changed in MotoGP and racing is understood, which I don't agree [with].

he also adds this:

When asked if race direction would have looked into that incident had it happened today, Gibernau responded: "To tell you the truth, no. I don't think so. "I've got different thoughts on that side, which are mine, and like I said I don't need to be right or wrong. Everyone has his own thoughts, and if I put myself now in a situation where I was watching a race and I saw what happened there [at Jerez] where two guys risking their own lives touched each other in a difficult last corner, and I was looking at it with my son who would like to become a road racer, and everyone would give the victory to a guy that has touched another one, I wouldn't be wanting that to happen. "I don't want anyone to get hurt. It's one of my priorities and it's how I understand sport and racing. MotoGP is already so dangerous that in my opinion we should all put together our know how to avoid these type of situations. Is it difficult to do? Yes. Is it impossible to do? I don't think so. It's responsibility to whoever is in charge of the championship and to put the rules where we need to stay away from this type of situation because, like I say, we're risking more than just a crash."

and even more recently, in 2023, he's spoken about the jerez race being the source of his disillusionment:

If I'm telling the truth, Jerez 2005 made me lose my enthusiasm for being in the races. I tried to maintain it until the beginning of 2006, with Ducati, and when we could have won, a mechanic left a gear screw unadjusted and the gear lever fell off. That day, in Jerez 2005, I mentally retired. Valentino went inside and took me out. They didn't penalize him. It's my personal opinion, everyone will have their own opinion and it must be respected, but I think that this is not a contact sport.

also in 2023, in a separate interview, he said this:

But he didn't get a punishment or anything, and then I started to lose my faith in the sport. [...] I couldn't understand how, y'know this was not a contact sport, I couldn't understand... things happen in the championship and things had been going on inside and everything and I just lost my - started to lose my illusion in the racing.

which is later in the same interview followed by this (which is partly about his woes in 2006 - he also talked about the moment with the gear screw, but I think pinpoints that rather than jerez as the day he mentally retired):

I had done such a big effort to put myself to a position to where, I was fighting against my own demons, I was fighting against the championship, I thought no one's helping here. I was fighting against one of the top guys in the history of racing, which was Valentino, and I just thought, but, Valentino doesn't even need to do what he's doing to win, and no one is saying nothing. There was many things there and I just couldn't understand... I'm fighting against everything, you know, and I was expecting the championship to just be a little more neutral on that side, just to say, if someone does something wrong you've got to say, in my opinion, it's not a contact sport; it's already dangerous enough to being able to say you can hit someone and say, wow, that was a great move. [...] Everyone is brave on a MotoGP bike. Moto3, Moto2, MotoGP, from the first guy to the last guy, you cannot pinpoint on TV and say how brave this guy was by hitting another guy. Because if I'm a dad watching that I would not want my son to be in a championship like this. Because it's not bravery, it's not about hitting another guy - if you want to do that, go boxing. [...] And from a guy like Valentino, which is, a superstar, why accept that? I think it was wrong, in my opinion, he didn't need to do that. Since then, many things have been happening because of that movement. Because kids saw that and said that's the way to do it. And then Marquez is doing it to this guy, and the other guy is doing it to the other guy, and you get killed in racing. It's already dangerous. We should stay away from that. That's why I never understood - it got to a point where I just - oh man. It's nothing to do with me here any more, you know, and I just left racing and I retired.

for the most part, then, sete is still quite contained in his criticisms of valentino, focusing on the jerez incident and not really delving into what happened the year prior to that. he mainly questions why valentino even felt the need to do what he did to sete, and suggests valentino set a bad example to others - especially kids watching, especially future riders. his criticisms also concern motogp as a sport, those who set the rules and those who regulate them, in not doing anything to stamp down on this kind of racing. he says he felt like he lacked support from the entirety of the sport and eventually decided that he'd had enough

I haven't added this block of text just because I enjoy transcribing large portions of three hour long podcast interviews that didn't really need to be three hours long (apparently the most tried and tested method of getting riders to share their more candid thoughts about anything) - but because this, uh, average-length tumblr post wouldn't really feel complete without it. it's all very well and good to talk about how sete was mentally 'broken' by what valentino did to him. you can have whatever opinion you want about the thoughts sete expresses here on riding standards and acceptable levels of aggression. you can also maybe doubt whether it really was just 'disillusionment' with race direction's approach to valentino's jerez pass that caused his competitive decline - obviously, three hour confessional podcast interview or not, this is a narrative he's still chosen for a reason and it sells himself and his career in a certain way. but - but - especially given the exact circumstances in which his rise to title challenger status occurred and how heavily he involved himself in the safety commission... well, at the very least I'm not going to leave it out. should he have made his complaints publicly known at the time, if this is something he felt so strongly about? is this level of criticism warranted by that specific jerez move? it's tough, because from the modern perspective of course I too have gotten used to a kind of racing where that level of contact is fairly normalised - which two riders this century have played a disproportionate role in bringing about. on the one hand, valentino is right in his defence that relatively speaking, this is far from the fastest or hardest contact out there. on the other hand, it's a move that was made with the knowledge it would result in contact. and in doing so, he injured sete, because that's what can happen even as a result of relatively 'light' touches. make up your own mind! it's not an easy topic to address, and I most certainly wouldn't be able to do it justice here. let's wrap this up

of delusion and despair

valentino has always been intensely aware of the power of narratives and takes care in how he tells his own story. the most literal version in which anyone can tell their own story is, obviously, by publishing an autobiography - which he did in 2005, covering everything up until his first title with yamaha at the end of 2004. it is not presented in chronological order and is instead organised in a far more loose thematic manner, with valentino not feeling any compulsion to give all parts of his life anywhere close to equal attention. still, when you read it, certain omissions do jump out at you - and the exclusion of gibernau is perhaps the most remarkable. you could say it's because he doesn't want to speak ill of his rivals, but he has no problem going into a fair bit of detail about his feud with biaggi. you could say it's because the gibernau rivalry was still going on at time of writing, but the same is more or less true about biaggi who placed third in the 2004 championship. there is not a single paragraph in his autobiography devoted to the relationship with gibernau. every mention of him is just that: a mention. a name thrown in without care when discussing something else entirely. you are told vale passed gibernau to win the 2004 championship - but if you read the autobiography without any other knowledge of valentino, you'd be forgiven for not realising gibernau had been his title rival at all

yes, within the grand context of his career, biaggi does have to be seen as a more significant rival... but this narrative was still being written in late 2004, at a time in which valentino had committed himself to destroying sete. maybe valentino doesn't want to comment on controversies that are still bubbling along, but the sheer extent of the erasure feels far more deliberate than that. this is somebody who had been valentino's friend for years, enough so that they spent time with each other outside of work, went on holidays together, blokes who for all intents and purposes truly liked each other's company. somebody who had been his closest rival for two years, who had pushed him closer than anyone else had in his title runs, who he had experienced some of his greatest career defeats and victories against. according to the narrative presented by the autobiography, he might as well be just any other rider. it's worse than fury, worse than loathing: it's disinterest

(it has to be said, quite possibly the funniest omission is when he's talking about how "angry and disappointed" he was after qatar because of, and I quote, "honda having lodged an appeal". ... anyone else you thought was involved, valentino? .....?)

which is quite the punishment to enact. one reason why this rivalry is so tricky to analyse is, yes, it's one that's quite old by now, but also because we are drawing from a far smaller sample size of valentino comments - almost all of which were provided at the time - when you compare it to any of his other major rivalries. sure, he still talks about jerez 2005, when he's asked about it - though it might as well just have been another fun race, another dramatic victory, another controversial overtake, rather than anything that had any greater significance. (of course, there is also a clip of him forgetting about the race entirely when thinking about last corner overtakes in the premier class with sete in the room - which you can read into if you so choose.) he's talked plenty over the years about his first yamaha title in 2004, but not about the man he beat to secure it. this was his closest title battle of the ones he won (just pipping 2009), but he might as well have won it against a faceless amalgamation of the honda corporation rather than an actual living breathing rival. it's as if that title battle started and ended in welkom, where it was biaggi not gibernau who valentino had to best. even though publicly the two of them set aside their feud in 2009 and valentino even said then that they could be friends again, this feels like lip service more than anything else. in 2015 at jerez, valentino was questioned about the parallels to his relationship with a certain other rival, who was friendly with valentino at the time but had crashed out while battling vale in the previous race. valentino in response acknowledged his past good friendship with sete, but said it was different: after qatar his relationship with sete had gotten worse as a result of how sete had "played a dirty game". if he had not changed his mind about sete's character eleven years after the fact, why would he have reevaluated in the years since?

it is fair to say that gibernau was the least talented of valentino's major rivals, the least substantial figure in terms of his accomplishments in grand prix racing. biaggi is a four time 250cc champion; nobody needs to be reminded of the achievements of stoner, lorenzo or marquez. sete is the rival who wasn't even supposed to exist; he was catapulted into the position essentially overnight by tragedy. and yet, even acknowledging that, it feels like he is under-discussed in the canon of valentino feuds given the sheer quality of their on-track output (let's face it, there are more great vale/sete battles than there are for say vale/casey) and the high drama of their closest title fight. yes, you can say that's because it is one of the older and less well-remembered rivalries, because it is not quite as dramatic and significant as the biaggi feud... but still, it's quite the disparity. given the power valentino holds in writing the stories within the sport, how can you not conclude that he has played a helping hand in this erasure? being ignored is a far greater indignity than being despised - and after 2004 valentino has barely even offered sete the honour of his hatred

^sete tried to breathe new life into his motogp career by switching to ducati, but his campaign was derailed by injuries. it was probably scant consolation in his miserable 2006 season, but valentino himself was pretty cursed that year. their last on-track battle came at phillip island, in the series' first bike swap race while valentino was fighting tooth and nail to save his doomed title defence. it's admittedly one of like twenty things that happen in that race, but it is quite funny how sete really came back to life just in time to make valentino's life harder when he really didn't need him to. valentino overtook sete on the final corner of the race for the final podium spot

of course, it is a hell of a lot easier to erase a rivalry when you win it so conclusively. in truth, as an opponent, valentino got the measure of sete fairly quickly. he never lost another direct duel against sete after sachsenring 2003, having essentially vowed as much to himself even when they were nominally still on good terms. the 2004 championship was as close as it was because of valentino's unequivocally inferior machinery and the somewhat less consistent results he achieved as a consequence - but even there, when they fought directly for the win in mugello, catalunya, assen and phillip island, each time valentino came out on top. (you can argue about brno '04 - I'd say it doesn't really count since sete ended up running away with the race with a massive tyre advantage.) still, you don't have to be winning all your direct duels with your opponents to be winning the championship - and at the end of the day, sete did come tantalisingly close to a title, or at the very least forcing a title decider. whatever it is that differentiates 'very good riders' from 'champions' is what sete is lacking. he has something in him... a self consciousness, a self awareness even, that is lethal to professional athletes. he was stuck trying to manage the image of his rivalry with valentino, when valentino was moving in for the kill. valentino too is heavily aware of image, is heavily invested in how he tells his own story - but more often than not, he manages to use it as a weapon to spur himself onwards to further success. when valentino did so once again in late 2004, sete stumbled

it is not novel to suggest that valentino needs enemies to motivate himself. plenty of people within the sport have said it, including his fellow riders. that's what's always worth remembering about the 'mind games' - sure, it's great if he unnerves his opponents, but often it is about providing himself with someone to hate though there are exceptions to this, which I have a lot of thoughts about relating to one casey stoner. valentino needs to have a reason to do what he does; it's not enough to win for the sake of winning if there's no story. in 2003, he had more or less won motogp and was finding it harder and harder to motivate himself, admitting repeatedly that he was losing his joy and passion for racing. yes, this was one of the main factors that led to the move to yamaha: to give himself a reason to keep going. but it was also just the right moment for another rival to emerge from nowhere and give valentino somebody new to focus his attentions on. when you read the limited autobiography mentions of sete and his interactions with valentino in 2003, it seems hard not to conclude valentino was already feeling a little less kindly towards sete by the end of that year. the relationship did not survive contact with a true title fight, where valentino found himself pushed closer to the limit than he ever had before. the moment he was in real danger, he blew up the relationship and walked away with literal full points for the remainder of the season. at the very next race to start off the new season, he made sure sete would never be a threat to him again

it's natural to conclude from all of this that the feud was built entirely on the back of valentino's delusions, of valentino inventing a concrete reason to despise sete that was based on his mental list of sete's past transgressions, imagined or otherwise. and maybe it was. did sete really snitch? did valentino really think he did? what was it that convinced valentino of sete's guilt? and even if sete was involved, was this really a proportionate response? this is where a lack of evidence and both parties' reticence to discuss the incident in the years since works against us. but - looking beyond the specifics of what happened in qatar, it does feel likely that the relationship would have deteriorated beyond what we saw in assen anyway. that's what a close title fight tends to do to the people involved. isn't it?

sete makes for a suitable foil to valentino because he too intensely concerns himself with how he is perceived. when vale takes on sete, one pretty boy to another, they are both a little too aware of the artifice of what they are doing, a little too concerned with the optics, the image, the spectacle. rivals, friends, enemies - how far apart are any of those things, really? can we be friends if you desperately covet what I have? if you take pleasure at the thought of my downfall? is this oft-touted ideal of a 'respectful' rivalry inevitably nothing but a facade for the ugly reality that lies beneath? 2004 is what happens when their relationship is actually tested - because now they are finally fighting for something real and they both know it. this is what happens in assen, when valentino decides he needs to win at any cost, when sete realises they are not playing the game by the same rules. sete had been performing graciousness and valentino calls him on his bluff

the best rivalries transform both parties; neither side should be allowed to emerge unchanged from the battle they share. sete entered valentino's life as a competitor at a time when everything was a little too easy and as a result a little too hard for valentino. at a time when valentino felt dissatisfied, underappreciated, judged harshly from all sides and pinned down by the weight of the world's glares. the blows sete inflicted on valentino were primarily symbolic, hurting valentino's pride and reputation rather than his title bid in 2003, which was never under any realistic threat. when valentino was at his lowest that season, he responded by bringing the joy back, reverting to type, with a new haircut and an ironic gag of a celebration and a daring victory to boot. in 2004, however, valentino changed. he had to - he was on a worse bike than his opponents that he was wrestling towards a title it had no right to be winning that year. he didn't have the kind of margin for error any more that he could afford in his honda years, no more foolishness like at the sachsenring. so he became a little tougher and a little meaner and a lot more aggressive in his racing. he shed some of the insouciance that both him and sete have at times been accused of and got down to the serious business of winning. not joylessly - after all there are few things more enjoyable than crushing the enemy. still, it's fine to be a clown prince in your downtime, not when you're barging title rivals aside in assen

it is here, then, at assen, that sete makes a critical, fatal mistake. because sete is torn in two: he wants to be the gracious rival, but he also thinks what valentino did is wrong and wants to communicate as much to the world. maybe it's because it clashes with sete's understanding of racing, maybe it's simply because sete is bitter that he lost - who's to say. except sete can't bring himself to actually say any of this. he chooses the worst possible strategy against valentino: silent disapproval and annoyance and frustration, played up for the television cameras, but without offering a single word of actual complaint until later, when valentino had already offered his explanations and half-apologies. so what valentino takes away from this is twofold. for one, he comes to believe that sete has a problem with his racing and cannot graciously accept his defeat, entirely failing to match valentino's magnanimity on the (rare) occasions when he loses. but unfortunately for sete, what valentino also learns is that - when it comes down to it - sete will not stand up for himself. valentino knows he can do this again

in sepang sete attempts to take the high ground once more, to allow valentino his transgressions and foibles and temper, to be calm in the face of vale's fury, to be the better man. in australia sete pulls himself together to shake hands with valentino, to be respectful of his rival's accomplishments and graceful in defeat, to be the better man. in jerez sete is beyond angry, furious enough to actually approach valentino in parc fermé and say a few words to him, but he still shakes valentino's hand on the podium and refuses to complain directly about him in the press conference - because he is determined to be the better man. does he think he can shame valentino into being different from what he is? if so, it is an unfortunate miscalculation. you cannot claim a moral victory against somebody who does not give a shit

for valentino, at least half the joy of racing has always been about beating the opposition. a new rival is presented to him out of nowhere - and out of him valentino fashions himself an enemy. sete was one of the first people to offer valentino advice when vale entered the premier class, but this was not the last thing valentino learned from him. because what valentino did to gibernau was different than what he did to biaggi. this was not just trying to get a rise out of a bloke he disliked every time he got half a chance. this was not valentino slowly chipping away at his victim's patience and self-control and sanity. what valentino does to gibernau is far more sudden and far more targeted and gets a far more immediate effect. he emerges from qatar weakened and on the back foot and within eight days flips the situation so that he is once again the one in command. sete, who had very much exerted himself in presenting the relationship in a certain way to the world, who wanted so badly for this to be a certain kind of rivalry, ever so respectful - well, valentino found out just where to hurt him. he did it with his sudden public coldness towards sete, with carefully chosen remarks to the press to make clear that nothing had been forgiven, with the jibes and the taunts at each and every stage of his victory. he married the off-track theatre with on-track strategy as well as pure performance, directly disrupting and disturbing sete whenever necessary - the kind of combination he would later find so useful in fending off first casey then lorenzo. it's no coincidence that his three most famous career overtakes are ones that are also so significant in how they affected valentino's fortunes in the aftermath of his victory. laguna 2008 and catalunya 2009 represent complete shifts in momentum within their respective seasons that his rivals never quite recovered from. jerez 2005 ends the title battle at the very first race. and it's not just sete's season that didn't recover - it's his career

of course, it's easier to mess with someone when you have the measure of them in performance. that's always something to keep in mind when talking about mental resilience: it's easier to bounce back from your rival being an asshole to you if you're just really, really good at what you do. valentino always understood himself that any 'mind games' had to be backed up by on-track performance; he's openly stated that all of his off-track "work" on his opponents only gets results if it's paired with being strong on the bike. and he himself lost his cool in qatar - but it helped that he knew he had what it took to bounce back. this was never a rivalry of equals; there was never any question between the two of them who the better rider was. all that being said: it's a really good rivalry! guys, there's some really great races. sete was a serious challenger and he did pose a serious threat to valentino, which you can tell because otherwise valentino never would have needed to do any of this. he made valentino grow as a rider and... do you make someone 'grow as a person' if you make them better at psychological warfare? yes, I think so. actually

valentino became a more accomplished rider for having experienced the sachsenring debacle, and he became a more accomplished rider as a result of the qatar fiasco. he motivated himself to become better because he wanted to defeat sete so badly, and isn't there something compelling about that? valentino was willing to take risks at phillip island that could have resulted in a title decider, was willing to make himself extremely unpopular with the spanish crowd at jerez (not something he has typically had much experience with) - all because he needed to crush sete, to destroy him so completely he could erase him entirely. at the end of the day, there's a bunch of reasons why this rivalry doesn't get the attention it deserve. one of them, however, is that valentino seems to be pretty happy with this state of affairs, and has spent the better part of two decades deeply disinterested in paying sete his dues. don't let him have his way

#sete gibernau #valentino rossi #// #sg15 #vr46 #sete ask yay #right I'm aware this is a topic nobody else actually cares about That Much but I had fun and that's what matters #you'd never believe this but there's quite a lot of this I ended up cutting. like I do have More Thoughts I fear #I don't love this as a piece of writing and it runs into some major tonal issues at some stages but well! post like nobody's reading etc #I feel like every time I try and add a read more it fucks the formatting of the pictures but I'm gonna trust it's. Fine

[utilitycaster]

I agree what the cast says does not hold as much weight as what happens on stream. I think this is why I get frustrated by the 'Orym is to blame for Laudna killing Bor'dor' debates, using things Liam and/or Marisha have said on 4-sided dive that contradict the actual scene, where Marisha states Laudna barely notices Orym and Ashton, and *nothing* will stop her from doing what she wants to do. At worst, it's inaction. Have interviews and things like that always held so much weight in fandom?

I am absolutely the wrong person to ask here; I was not super in fandom when I was younger. I am going to, as I am wont to do, make some educated guesses but please take with a grain of salt.

I think there's a few things going on. A lot of people have told me that Glee was the first fandom they personally recall where it became about winning more than like, having fun and sharing ideas, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is at least an influence. (The idea that two ships that do not conflict and indeed have incompatible sexualities are in some kind of deathly serious competition is truly so baffling to me that I have to chalk up that particular bit of, if I may use a yiddishism here, mishegos, to Glee for sure.)

I also think that there was a time and there are shows where interviews did (or do) carry more weight, namely, those with executive meddling, or loss of creative control, or, notably, queer ships until quite recently. I have a lot of friends in the Star Trek fandom even though I'm not knowledgeable at all and from what I am given to understand, there's been a few ships squashed or delayed by executive whim or homophobia that the actors would pretty openly and consistently confirm at conventions. (The ones I know are Riker and Troi; and Garak and Bashir; but I have only hazy recollections of TNG and know NOTHING of DS9 so this is second-hand). I've talked about this before, but Word of God used to carry more weight for me when you simply couldn't have same gender romances on network TV or most mainstream film without risking your career. Now? You're a coward and a panderer.

Anyway I think with actual play specifically, which is improvised (ie, intent can shift dramatically and unexpectedly) and which has a lot of talkback shows and also a disproportionately huge amount of content people get in the habit of cherrypicking, and in extreme cases this turns into cherrypicking themselves straight out of the actual narrative and into microexpressions and OOC interviews and side conversations from three years ago.

I also, and I am too tired and too many drinks in (two drinks in, to be clear) to articulate this tonight, find that actual play in particular has amassed a certain fandom that I think was attracted to things I like and support (queer characters, women/queer people/POC creating and driving their own characters, independent creator-owned productions, improvised and therefore at times really unique stories, not needing to have streaming services in some cases) but also doesn't actually like Actual Play as a medium (see: every single D20 fandom meltdown low-key boils down to "I have zero genre awareness of both whatever is going on narratively and also I high-key loathe D&D as a means of storytelling and particularly the existence of violence in narrative, yet I am watching the Violent Narrative D&D show, so dance or me, my puppets, wait why aren't you dancing.") So I think you get a lot of people who are just making dumb fucking arguments because they decide what they believe and then poorly reverse engineer the support instead of doing things in the proper order and I think the people claiming Orym is responsible for Bor'Dor's death are in that category and we should stop treating them as people who are adding anything of worth to the conversation.

#answered #Anonymous #cr spoilers

[menlove]

any McLennon fic recs ?

CRACKS FINGERS

immediate rec is your lucky break by @forthlin bc millies writing makes me throw up and scream and cry and this is the fic that got us talking so!! also, young paul and dilf john and I eat it UP. also literally any of their fics are so so good. the latest one is our fic together so I won't rec it but... their writing in the john pov they wrote is soooo good so. I'll rec their half!

✨ = all time fave

just pulling from my bookmarks.......

grow old with me

Paul breaks his arm, and John panics

explicit. fix-it.

and when the broken bodies are washed to shore (who am I to ask for more)

“Jesus, took you long enough,” John says, adjusting the duffle over his shoulder. “Thought I might be out here til morning at this rate.”

For a second he wonders if he’s drunker than he thought, but no. As far as he can tell, it is still 1980, and he hasn’t seen or so much as spoken to John in ten years

mature. fix-it.

John My Beloved ✨

They've always loved each other, in their own way...

explicit. major character death. literally fucking killed me I sat there at 7am after staying up all night and teared up. I cry like. once a year.

i was a younger man then (now) (post hoc) ✨

John’s twelve when a bloke appears from a flaming pie and says, “From this day forward you are Beatles with an ‘a.’” The bloke is Paul.

Or: paul and john meet at all ages and eras and john is the time-traveler’s wife the way only john lennon can be

mature. fix-it. time traveler's wife au that lives forever in my mind rent free.

Stop all the clocks (by @javelinbk)

‘1967. After Brian dies, Paul decides not to go ahead with MMT, and takes John up to Scotland for a month instead.’

mature

Like Love, The Archers Are Blind

He wants to push Stuart out of the way, not even with a violent yank of his collar like he sometimes imagines. Just to melt into his place like butter sliding in a pan. Have it be an effortless breath of fresh air when John looks up at him and sees it all reflected back in his eyes. It’s you.

Hamburg, 1960

explicit

Boy, You've Been A Naughty Girl ✨

John makes Paul a bet. Paul takes him up on it. Crossdressing shenanigans and angst ensue, and ~feelings come out in the wash. 1961.

OR: boys in knickers, lots and lots (and lots) of sex, angst, homophobic slurs, schmoop. The Pineapple Club is fictitious. Originally posted on LJ in 2012

explicit. what can I say but whshwjjajjakak

I Still Miss Someone (series)

It's 1976 and Paul keeps showing up on John's doorstep with a guitar. Eventually John turns him away and Paul goes off to sulk in his hotel room the night before his flight from New York. Based on real events

explicit. not a fix-it.... real to me though

christmas lights (keep shinin' on)

"I'd have you," Paul said, eventually, and John felt the air being knocked out of him. "If it was different. If we were different."

mature.

two of us (burning matches)

It won't stop raining. Paul doesn't know what his feelings are doing. John's practising his right swing. Somewhere along the way, they fuse together

explicit. honestly literally everything by obstinatrix is 💖💖💖

one and one and one is three ✨ by @pauls1967moustache

Even with how badly he wants this, John wouldn't want it if he didn't think it would make Paul feel good. That's the point. It can be good, the three of them. It can work, if Paul lets it.

explicit. failed yoko/john/paul. also literally everything this author writes...... shout outs: a great threat (female paul/yoko w delicious mclennon in the bg) baby it's all relative verse (don't talk to me. the one time I've ever Ever in my life read foot kink and it???? it works??? they'd do this. I don't want them to. but this is real. entered my "psyche of john lennon" file. )

PROBABLY MORE....... but these are the ones that I keep thinking about and ruminating on.

#mclennon

[janiedean]

once again happy may first everyone we recognize no other labor's day

#bruce springsteen #joe hill #will i crawl out of my inability to do anything to post this for the 358902 year in a row yes #i should give myself the goal of being okay enough on may 1st 2025 to start actually putting down to paper the themed Thing #i've been wanting to do for three fucking years or so #which im absolutely not the right person for but no one else is doing it so #anyway doesn't matter happy may 1st all of you who aren't working enjoy the hell out of it #Youtube

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

#origins smp #i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅 #beeduo #otubbo #oranboo #beeduo fanart #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR EAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE thats all i remmeber ANF ALSO RNE can i call you senpaaiiii bit thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹ #had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭 #ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

[tj-crochets]

Turns out it was not an error at the MRI facility, my insurance (which is literally the best insurance available in my area as an individual) just won't cover it* That is incredibly frustrating, both because what's the damn point of paying so much for health insurance if it doesn't cover testing, and because I get so much stuff from the insurance company about how they support preventative testing and care but when it's time to pay out they won't put their money where their mouth is. *technically they are "covering" it in that it was approved and the total cost will only be what they've negotiated with the MRI provider, but the insurance company isn't covering any of that cost. At all. None of it.

#the person behind the yarn #fuck the us healthcare system #I left a message with my neurologist asking what the MRI is for #because I'm pretty sure she doesn't think there's anything wrong with my brain physically #also I have been sick for almost 12 years now #I am pretty sure if it was something bad enough to show up on an MRI they'd have figured it out sooner #so do I want to spend the better part of a thousand dollars on a test that will prove nothing and answer no questions #I know I should get it #I'm just so tired of tests that prove nothing #and cost so much money #and I know I am lucky that I can cover that cost if I need to. I am so lucky! #but I am just tired #it's been 12 years and I have appointments with THREE new specialists I've never been to in the next month #well. two months #and two of them almost definitely aren't going to find anything wrong with me! because I don't have those damn symptoms! #it's just checking boxes and covering bases #but if the cardiologist can't find what's wrong with me when I have Very Very Obvious tachycardia #I sincerely doubt the gastroenterologist will find things when I have no gastro symptoms

[elliesbelle]

lol

#i'm literally like. #sooooo done with life #i've been on the verge of tears on and off today fr #work itself has been ugh #my kids are being so crazy and i love them but very draining #and my work friends are basically pulling away from me and it makes me wanna die #they essentially replaced me with someone else and i'm literally sitting here like oh ok lol #and my ex and i are in this weird fucking space and i can't fucking deal with it #siri play 'boyfriend' by ariana grande and social house #like... she's not mine and like... technically she can date other people lol #but lol you're really taking her out on a date that would be perfect for ME????? #you know what ur doing lol #but i mean ig #'you ain't my boyfriend!!!! and i ain't ur girlfriend!!!!!' #screaming and crying and throwing up #i hate my life y'all #i'm legit at my limit #i don't want to make my every-three-years trip to the ICU and psych ward but!!!!!! #sorry y'all i needed to put this somewhere lol #i'll prob delete later #belle speaks #v

[praublem-child]

Me: This 🤏 close to a room destroying meltdown due to a lack of sleep

Also me: remembering weed can fix this without the meltdown and tearing through my bedroom to raid my mom's stash because I haven't been to the dispensary in literally months now

#seriously guys #it's almost 5am #I've been up since 8am #I wanted to go to bed at like 6pm #I actually went to bed at 2am #and then tossed and turned in the dark and quiet for three hours #I was already to the point of crying and throwing shit off my bed before I remembered weed existed #how can I be so exhausted I'm having a meltdown #yet so unable to sleep #and I always wait too long to get weed #always insisting that I'll fall asleep on my own #or that I *really need* that rem sleep tonight #ffs rem sleep doesn't fucking matter if I don't sleep at all #I probably don't even get much rem sleep when completely sober lets be real #I don't dream #I have bi-annual nightmares about my father #and that's it #It'll be like 5:30 before this gummy hits #I have cottage cheese and meme videos until then #maybe an excedrin for my exhaustion headache and my cat if she'll cuddle me #god I'm so fucking tired #I should call my grandma and see if her offer to hit me upside the head with a hammer is still available #She used to joke offer that to me when I was a kid and couldn't sleep #If only she knew the sleep disorders I'd be diagnosed with a few years down the line #I'm rambling now so I'll do the actual informative tags now and post #sorry to anyone who has to read this /hj #autism #adhd #medical marijuana #cannabis

[goldicthehedgefox]

earlier today, I was thinking of just saving my orbs since the Fallen banner was bound to happen soon (and those are always bangers) and then BAM

CHROM

#shitpost #fire emblem heroes #goldic's adventures in askr #goldic rambles #guys you don't understand how much this banner is a must-summon for me #one year I wanted three of the focus units and I made sure to get all three of them (I even got extra morgans!) #and on another year it was because MMMM DRAGONS #akjcfnbknskcnkdfbnkdfv #there's always at least one mother fucker on this banner that I want and this year's banner is no exception #Chrom you beautiful handsome man they actually turned you evil and I am all for it #ALSO HI ANANKOS I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE CANONICALLY GORGEOUS GIVEN THAT YOU'RE FUCKING EVIL #aw who am I kidding of course they would make the dragon villains hot #because what is the point otherwise #I want you all to know that my base chrom's been wearing the black exalted crown for the longest time #because I really liked the concept of Risen King Chrom from what I've read about it #and now he's real. he's actually fucking real. #the frame that RK!Chrom hits my barracks he's getting set up with M!Grima and there's nothing you can do about it #'hi we heard you all liked Chrobin so we made a valentine's duo unit for them AND made them evil!' intsys i love you right now #if there was ever a reason to grind up orbs it's right fucking now

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

ok so if i can't tell the truth about how i feel because that's mean and i can't be passive agressive then literally what is left. how do i communicate that she has hurt me and that it hurts more that she doesn't even seem to realise it without either sounding like a complete bitch or a petty bitter bitch........

#YES this is the same friend #just texted me like ''oh i'm so sorry i never let u know when i was free'' (she has had literally three months to do this) #''i've just been so busy :('' (she's been meeting up with other people constantly) #''when do you move to [REDACTED]? i've been meaning to go there so maybe it would be a shout'' #(girl u haven't been able to schedule a time to travel five minutes to see me in the past TWO YEARS!!! #as IF you're going five hours on the fucking train all the way to [REDACTED]!!!!!) #that's what i WANT to say to her #but my mind is going NO be nice #and the next step down from that is saying something like ''oh i'd love to meet up but you'd probably be busy...... #.....wouldn't want to take up any time in your packed schedule'' #but then my brain again goes NO that's bad passive agressive is BAD #but i do want her to know how she has made me feel #an added layer of complexity is that she has had bad mental health issues and can be quite fragile #which i understand (i understand) but i don't think that should mean nobody ever gets to criticise you #🧃

[sysig]

I'm almost finished with this notebook with it's horrible paper, and I just finished the first page of my Big Project

#Oh yeah - it's all coming together #Hgggg I am so sick of this notebook! It's wack as fuck! #It has made editing a Chore for the past eight months >:0 Not fun or meditative At All #Even worse is that the paper feels good to draw on but the cleanup is just! Awful! #I've just been completely ignoring my non-lined homemade notebook because it feels bad to draw on lol #The rest of the doodles for this year - yes that's how far the queue is backlogged rn lol - are still on that paper #But at least I'm like ><this close to being done with it ugh #I've got two blank pages and then like three half-doodled on pages that I'm planning to just knock out #It looks so weird 'cause the pages are all out of order lol - the first page was in March and the last in November #But like the next page after the first is /also/ November lol #Like it's largely in chronological order but it jumps around quite a lot! It was an interesting experiment #I also think it's funny since the first page got some fandom stuff that didn't come back around until now but it Looks chronological lol #I think I'll do it again but with some modifications - if I run out of steam/interest/motivation then I can fill it in however I want #Keeping it on-theme is fun but I find myself pushing ideas when I don't actually have any :P That's no good #It's not Always bad - I like quite a few of my spacefiller ideas! But if anything that just proves that finishing things out to make room- #Well like I said it was fun lol #And! As stated! I finished the first page of my big behind-the-scenes project! >:3c #Man I haven't worked on a comic proper-like in uhhhhh #It's gotta be at least five years lol geez #It's been a weird rhythm to try to fall into lol I'm Way out of practice - but it's nice to see it come together! #Lotta steps to get it into the shape I want - hard to sustain - but slowly and surely I've got this one :) #It'll be good to finally have it Out haha

[princemick]

genuinely on the verge of breaking down because of how much this eval is the last fucking drop I'm so tired

#for three fucking years I've basically been told my aer isn't good enough and that I shud experiment more and everytime i do that I still #get told i need to expiriment more they just dont fucking want me to paint and I'm so tired of it #kyle.txt #I'm so fucking tired and so fucking done and I wanna scream at them and bite their cucking heads off bc of this shir feedback #the way 3 sentences demotevated me is fucking insane I'm so done