#idk I've never been good at this whole social media thing

[vsaintsin]

Writeblr Re-Intro

Yo! I'm V Saintsin. Or V or Vin or Saintsin or whatever you want to call me that sounds right on your tongue. I'm a self-proclaimed Social Media fumbler who got a late start to the party and has never quite figured it out. I hate how hipster and edgy it sounds to say "I'm bad at social media" but like I used to work with some people who actually managed the social media accounts for the business we worked for and there were rules and whatnot and damn, I think online media is just not my medium. That being said, here I am! Hah

I'm an author and general mess who's hoping to be the miracle man (somebody who makes a living writing silly little stories). I do use a pseudonym but please hear me out when I say I didn't realize how edgy it sounds, it just has some sentimental value to my personal life. I'm so sorry that I sound like I'm in my emo phase HAHA

About me -

He/Him Transguy from the American Midwest (arguably the south, depending on who you talk to, but the older people still say "Sodi-pop" and "ope").

I'm dysautonomic, bendy, permanently sleepy, and a survivor of Crappy Doctors Who Suck At Doctoring.

I like DnD, Pathfinder, Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, and other things in that vein.

I do make art of my stories and characters (Tablet is currently not working so I'm in a dry spell).

My writing background is predominantly ancient, dusty RPs from as far back as the foopets days and fanfic writing on Quizilla - I am an old and wizened elder of the net.

My formal education was music performance and behavioral neuroscience, I don't really know how I got where I am.

This is not my first rodeo with tumblr but it is the first time I have anything to SAY instead of just lurking.

In the event of malfunction, you can put me outside for 5 minutes and I'll probably factory reset.

My existence as I know it hinges on a massive number of sticky notes plastered throughout my room.

What I'm lookin' for -

Idk, whatever? I'm down for most things. Did you write it? Cool, let me see. I'm not too bent on genre or anything, just fascinated by the art of storytelling.

A bit tentative with fanfiction but that's just because if it's not a fandom I'm familiar with I am rather clueless about what the hell is going on and if it's a fandom I am familiar with I HUNT DOWN THE DEEP LORE.

I like art a whole lot, including fanart. Also art advice, love seeing things from different perspectives and learning something new.

Mutuals, really, for any reason. Building better connections on here, getting to know people. I am hideously bad at this but I try.

What I write -

Science Fiction with heavy subjects that matter to me - trigger warnings on a story-by-story basis.

High Fantasy (eventually books I think?) characters and their backgrounds for DnD and Pathfinder - I have been tempted to share these to help people get ideas or just for free use?

Things that I delete because I have crippling imposter syndrome and publishing makes me nauseous (doin' it tho).

Stories that I hope will make people feel less alone or that people could relate to, stories that I wish I had when life was worse and I was reaching out for anything I could find to keep me afloat, stories that try to be critical of things that SUCK in a way that's any helpful.

Lots of curse words and cussing (that's just how people talk 'round here), dubious science, things that I hope might make you cry but in a good way though.

Character-Driven stories that revolve more around the development of the person and less around the plot itself if that makes sense.

I've put blurb things below for my primary project/series which features a grumpy, queer, 37-year old chain smoking Frenchman and his misadventures with life and love and unbridled rage. If any of that sounds cool stick around and hang out? (This part is a plug bc I did a thing and I'm proud of it) And if my books sounds interesting the first one is 99 cents on Kindle and you just need a phone and a free app to read it!

THE SECRET OF LIFE (Published) - Sci-Fi/Psychological Thriller, Bi M Lead, Lovers to Enemies, AI but the oldschool cool kind not the real world thing that's stealing our future

Carlisle-Trystan Antoinette is a mercenary on a hard road, navigating life and death itself in an infinite cycle started by powers above his understanding. He has one mission - warn The Dianican Space Station of the coming threat and put a stop to a war that would encapsulate the whole of the Sol System before it can ever begin. Unfortunately for Carlisle, reality is a tenuous thing, made up only by our understanding of it. At least, according to his Psychiatrist, who tells him that there is no war, that he was never a mercenary, and that what Carlisle is experiencing is a severe but manageable psychotic break. Stripped of his combat enhancements, his bio monitor, and everything he's every known, Carlisle has a decision to make. Does he give in to the thoughts and memories, so real that he can almost taste them, or does he live a life of comfort and ease, returning to a husband and daughter that he left behind?

TWs: Domestic and War Violence, suicide, rape, medical trauma, grief, drug use

THE SILENCE OF ANGELS (Due July '24, TSoL 2) - Betrayal and Rage, Learning how to love again slow-burn romantic subplot, Learning how to Dad, A general inability for any one thing to just go right

(Quick Rough Blurb that offers no spoilers for TSoL) Making connections isn't easy for somebody who's accustomed to burning bridges. Isolation has always been Carlisle's mantra for surviving his life. Playing a role comes second nature, pretending to be the man that everyone else wants to see in him. When an old friend is murdered Carlisle finds himself as the primary suspect with all evidence pointing to him so clearly that even he calls to question what he is capable of. Unwilling to believe that he could commit such a heinous crime, Carlisle sets off to find the truth of his friend's death - was Carlisle framed or does he truly have the capacity to bring such harm upon those he loves? Old and new bonds will be tested, faith broken, and the future of everyone called into question as lines are drawn and sides are picked.

TWs: Violence, mentions of SA, graphic character death, more grief, more death

I don't know what else to say... Later!

#booklr #lgbt fiction #writeblr #writeblr intro #authors

[sketchy-tour]

Okay listen I got distracted while working on my ask doodles. BUT LISTEN THIS IS SO SELF INDULGENT cause I was listening to an early 2000s playlist on spotify and realized... Reboot Wally would so be a blink 182 fan. And you SO know he would sing that mess at karaoke. A dork. I love him.

Reboot AU belongs to @/bloodrediscream (Man I do not need to tag them for just my silly doodles.

I WILL HOWEVER tag @kawaiialeisha because I feel like you'd appreciate this

#welcome home #welcome home puppet show #wally darling #welcome home arg #welcome home au #welcome home reboot au #reboot wally #reboot wally darling #reboot wally au #sketches #god I'm realizing this is gonna be a sketch spam tonight if I DO get these ask doodles done #yall got treated to so much finished art and now I'm just dumping my stupid scribbles down like that's the same thing #Maybe I should schedule posts instead of shoving them into the ether as soon as I finish them #idk I've never been good at this whole social media thing #*goes back to thinking about reboot au karaoke because karaoke is a comfort for me* #Look you KNOW Wally would think he looks SO COOL. He's put his heart and soul into that preformance #Pull someone up with him to sing to them in front of everyone because he thinks it's so smooth #it'd work I'd fall in love instantly #anyway *goes back to scribbling* #my art

[tiredgoodomensfan]

Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO

Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!

I am smart.

No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.

Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.

Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.

Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.

Dickhead.

But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.

I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.

The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.

I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy

I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.

I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.

Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"

"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"

Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.

"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)

"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"

I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.

I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)

He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.

He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.

As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.

He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.

"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.

"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.

"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.

He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.

"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.

I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.

"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"

(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)

"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"

("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)

"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.

He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.

"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.

My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...

I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.

I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.

It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.

"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.

I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.

He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.

I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.

I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.

I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.

"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.

"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"

"I am NOT posh!"

"you are a littleee"

"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"

"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"

he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.

It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.

I felt like I was learning to live again.

#AAAA #lars pinfield #james acaster #fanfic #ghostbusters frozen empire #lars pinfield x reader #gn reader #should prolly add more tags but its 2 am im tired #nightnight everyone #lmk what you think

[cartierre]

ANTIFRAGILE | zg24

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU zhou guanyu x fem!kpop idol!reader

disclaimer: i know dating is a whole "taboo" kind of thing in the kpop industry, but for the sake of this story i'm loosening the whole thing up a bit.

♡ liked by jenaissante, _chaechae_1, 39saku_chan and 938,320 others

tagged: alfaromeostake

yourusername thank you alfaromeostake for inviting me to my first grand prix ever! let's hope for some good results this weekend!

view all 12,982 comments

alfaromeostake hwaiting!! ⤷ user1 this has to be the funniest crossover ever

user2 what in the multiverse is going on??

user3 this is the wildest thing i've seen in some time

user4 i just know for a fact so many kpop stans are going to invade f1 now ⤷ user5 watch the (esp. male) f1 fandom crumble under the kpop stans

♡ liked by yourusername, alex_albon, felipedrugovich and 22,391 others

tagged: valtteribottas, alfaromeostake

zhouguanyu24 last race of the season, let's go! #AbuDhabiGP #TeamZHOU

view all 394 comments

yourusername 祝你好运！(good luck!) comment liked by zhouguanyu24

user6 i want a picture of zhou and y/n together rn or i'm suing some people! ⤷ user7 this is such a weird combination i love it

alfaromeostake let's keep the constructor championship up boys!

♡ liked by zhouguanyu24, alfaromeostake, le_sserafim and 1,109,437 others

tagged: zhouguanyu24, valtteribottas, alfaromeostake

yourusername congrats on P6 on the constructors championship! well deserved, awesome race! #VB77 #TeamZHOU

view all 13,659 comments

zhouguanyu24 had an amazing fan cheering us on on the sides! ⤷ yourusername guess i'm your new lucky charm ⤷ user8 is this allowed?

user9 i'm still not over whatever this is ⤷ user10 it doesn't look real, as if someone edited this together ⤷ user11 i never expected f1 and kpop to be in the same room

alfaromeostakes next time we'll visit you at inkigayo comment liked by yourusername ⤷ user12 ADMIN WHAT IS THIS ⤷ user13 whoever is the admin needs a fat pay check for this weekend fr

♡ liked by yourusername, pierregasly, alex_albon and 32,095 others

tagged: yourusername

zhouguanyu24 안녕 서울 (hello seoul)

view all 985 comments

user14 are you telling me zhou is visiting y/n in seoul during his winter break ⤷ user15 i guess they became friends during her visit in abu dhabi?

yourusername you should've told me you were taking a picture! i wasn't prepared... ⤷ zhouguanyu24 you still look very pretty ⤷ user16 LOOK AT ZHOU SHOOTING HIS SHOT ⤷ user17 the shanghai tiger? more like the shanghai rizzer

♡ liked by zhouguanyu24, jenaissante, k_a_z_u_h_a_ and 1,293,084 others

tagged: zhouguanyu24

yourusername revenge ha

view all 15,298 comments

zhouguanyu24 comedian comment liked by yourusername

user18 y/n posting a photo of zhou where he didn't know she was taking one because he did the same to her and she complained is peak pettiness ⤷ user19 i love her being petty. ⤷ user20 she is me, i am her

user21 ARE YOU JUST FRIENDS OR MORE PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW ⤷ user22 i don't think they're in a relationship. y/n is an idol, she has some reputation to uphold ⤷ user23 she doesn't seem to care much about that

♡ liked by 34,293 people

tagged: yourusername

f1wagupdates kpop idol y/n y/l/n photographed outside her hotel in bahrain on her way to the track for the first qualifying of the 2023 season! it's rumoured that this time she's been invited by zhou guanyu personally. do they look like friends or lovers to you?

view all 1,293 comments

user24 how does she have time to be at the gp ⤷ user25 i mean she's probably just there for the qualifiyng and race and then flies back to seoul

user26 if they're not dating, idk what this is ⤷ user27 they could just be close friends? men and women can be friends without any sexual tension ⤷ user28 yeah but y/n's a girly girl, she doesn't just become friends with men. she has almost zero male friends in the industry as well ⤷ user29 that you know of. she's just showing you what she wants you to see. you don't really know her ⤷ user30 so she wants to be seen with zhou? interesting...

♡ liked by zhouguanyu24, pierregasly, alfaromeostake and 1,382,407 others

tagged: zhouguanyu24, alfaromeostake

yourusername back at it again #BahrainGP

comments have been disabled for this post

#zhou guanyu #zhou guanyu imagine #zhou guanyu imagines #zhou guanyu x reader #zhou guanyu x you #zhou guanyu x y/n #zhou guanyu fluff #zhou guanyu fanfiction #f1 instagram au #f1 social media au #f1 imagine #f1 imagines #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 fluff #f1 fanfiction #this is for my zhou girls out there

[boccher]

ah , I guess there's a whole set of social customms about weddings and proposals and shit that I've never been cued in on (despite having been to multiple weddings) (look I guess there wasn't ever any reason for me to know really). Like, yeah I get it logically, a wedding is an event dedicated to one couple so keep it focused on that couple(or more), that's entirely fair. I just... can't really empathise with it the idea in my head at all, like why does that social rule have to be that strict.. idk how that's the overwhelming majority's preference for how an ideal wedding should be? among most demographics? Cuz like in my head my wedding would just be like a celebration, and a proposal is just another good thing on top, so I'd be really happy if one of my friends successfully proposed at my wedding like yeah! 2x celebration! Give it up for my friend my friend my friend

people in that post were also bringing up the social pressure of public proposals, which I definitely understand on a more acute level, cuz like it's that one manifestation of comphet and male entitlement that you see all the time in movies social media irl. There's definitely room for things to go wrong if it's an unprovoked proposal by the proposer. It does make me think though like what is the role of a proposal in a relationship? cuz like if the most popular form of a proposal is a surprise, that means you have to set up some tension of uncertainty preceding it in order for it to actually be a surprise... which would mean withholding information from each other? Is it like some sort of mutually understood breakdown in communication? Can such a thing be mutually understandable? Like, my impression of a relationship is that you want to be aware of each other's stances towards the relationship at all times, to prevent miscommunication, and progress it in the way you both want. But I can't really fit that with the idea of a surprise proposal..

But in the ideal case I'​m thinking of, where all parties are entirely aware of if/when they wanna get married.... what would a proposal be in that case? Just a little private ceremony between the relationship? A Date+ ? Or would it just be the announcement of wedding to other people.

See look clearly I have zero understanding of the social norms that exist in this space, I'​m just trying to invent concepts from my own baseless assumptions and getting nowhere

Back to my own hypothetical wedding though, I feel like the kinds of people I'd want to invite, are the ones who have an understanding of the harms of patriarchal social pressure in the first place.. why would I want people with gross misogynistic concepts of relationships to speak about my relationship lol . in that case everyone there would be really close and we'd all understand there's zero harm in answering whatever you want to a proposal.

Like legit I don't logically get the old conservatives that think there is any harm in any way, it's not like you can't propose again later (or if you break up instead then it was always gonna be a breakup anyway) ,,,,, like that old attitude has gotta purely come down to treating the wife as property of the husband w/ no autonomy, doesn't it

#debatably autistic ramble about not understanding things #someone tell me things I want to understand better

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

#ask #too much art talk in this one

[ivyial]

Okay, I just saw your other ask about leshley/eagleone and felt like I had to get in on this because ever since RE4Make came out, I've been going crazy over this ship. I have always found it cute in RE4 OG, but now it's driving me crazy. I cannot understand how many people miss the many implications that Leon is trying to flirt during certain parts of the game. Like seriously, come on, pals, he's being so awkward, trying to sound cool and give compliments that end up sounding weirder than he intended. And I don't know if it's just me that noticed this, but I find it funny how Leon talks to Ashley in certain moments like it's the easiest thing to do; then, in other parts, he really has no clue how to speak to her. Does that not scream attraction to anyone?

i'm with you on this one. i don't know how people miss EVERYTHING about them. like they don't even go "oh?" at times when they're playing. it probably depends on the mindset you have when you're playing. if you're hyperfocused on the action, maybe you'll miss it. idk. on social media, there are two broad types of people who have negative reactions when it comes to leon/ashley:

1. aeon shippers (mostly, can be other shippers as well, but they're mostly chill because they themselves get forced into a corner by aeon stans) who think it threatens their ship

2. people who are fiercely anti-romance when it comes to whatever media they consume and consider it to be dumb and actively making a good piece of media worse (because in their eyes, romance is a lowly preoccupation to have)

and both groups are super bitter for no reason lmaoooo. you might have noticed a tendency in media discourse recently on social media that is very anti-romance - a few weeks ago, it became a whole thing on twitter because of the bear (the tv show) and the ship between sydney and carmy, to the point where even official media outlets started talking about it. romance is considered dumb. everything that contains romance is essentially a bad soap opera. blah blah blah we're all too smart for that. there's a very strong, almost puritanical anti-sex sentiment going around at the moment as well, and i wish it was just some isolated issue within fandoms overpopulated by young teens, but people lost their minds over two sex scenes in oppenheimer for god's sake. and if i had the time and willpower and knowledge, i'd turn this into a discussion about how that ties into humans being obsessed with moving away from every single instinct that they have, but well.

i also agree with the second part of your ask, about leon's attitude towards ashley. tbh, leon can't flirt for shit: most of the time, he's awkward (RE2R, the fence scene with claire: i can never tell if he's attempting to flirt, or if he's just awkward because there's a cute girl right in front of him) or even downright unfunny (was he trying to flirt with jill in death island? was he trying to lighten the mood? idk man leon is a bit of a whore so). he tries to flirt all the time: we got shen may in infinite darkness, ada, etc. we know he isn't smooth.

so one thing that really sticks out in RE4R is his tone with ashley, in two specific instances (maybe more): the one i mentioned in my previous ask, when he says "i can catch you", and when he sees ashley asleep on the bed in chapter 13 (and calls out to her). these are two very intense and high-stress situations where he kind of reverts back to RE2R leon (nick does a great job at conveying the difference in maturity in leon's voice in both games). he's very distressed. why does that matter? because fucking shouting ashley's name when there are two enemies 10 meters away (we know that, he doesn't, but the island is riddled with ganados, so why would he even try?) is the stupidest decision a special agent could make. and yet he does it anyway. there are other instances of leon being in a similar situation, yet he still retains that deeper tone of his - see his first encounter with krauser in chapter 11.

and it's not just because he's doing his job, which is what one of my friends argued, because you don't go around flirting with the person you're tasked to rescue for shits and giggles. not to mention, that's the president's daughter. if he was just doing his job, he'd stick to the plan, be stoic and get her home and that's it. that's what's required of him. implying that the first daughter is hot as fuck and that he doesn't usually enjoy his regular missions nearly as much as he does when he's with her isn't part of his job description. there's a difference between being a decent guy and not treating her like cargo, and overtly flirting with her.

i think he's also very awkward with her at first because he's toeing the line between what's acceptable and what isn't, so he can figure out if there is grounds for flirting and it's not wholly unwanted on ashley's part. then you get that pep talk in the castle, which is when they really start to get comfortable with each other and when he attempts some physical contact that isn't just 100% necessary. she reacts well, which explains why he takes it further in chapter 9. he spends the rest of the game painfully distressed and by chapter 16, they're all over each other (jetski + taking her hand to run to the elevator - leon, the girl is smart, she knows how to run and follow you).

leon has a crush. plain and simple. he doesn't know how to deal with it, except for the few times when he does and the flirting is technically reciprocated. idk how people can't notice the plain signs of attraction, even in a generation that is as recluse and introverted as mine tends to be, but they're very obvious once you start paying attention.

#leon kennedy #ashley graham #eagleone #leshley #resident evil 4 #resident evil

[texasbama]

Hiya I know you're a safe space and I need to get this out, so sorry in advance 🙃.

I see how amazing canon bi buck is for the queer community and I don't mind how it happened in canon. But while I should be happy, I actually kind of feel like I'm mourning? I'm so attached to eddie, maybe unhealthily so, and the ensemble found family dynamic is what first brought me to the show. For a while it's been a struggle having the fandom basically shove buck into every spec or storyline and act like he is a perfect angel and the centre of the universe. But there was always the eddiezers and it was more balanced. But now literally EVERYBODY is all about buck and tommy. It feels like the rest of the show doesn't even exist. I know its only been a couple of days but going on social media now just makes me anxious and idk why really. I'm worried about future eddie storylines, I'm desperate for marisol to disappear, but the vibe is that now buck is bi nothing else matters, we've won apparently, who even cares about eddie or the other characters because buck kissed a man.

Also I'm sex-repulsed ace and people saying how if you don't like it you're a purist and an evangelical and homophobic and biphobic actually makes me feel like shit. I never really understood wanting two characters to have sex 'because why not', because I don't understand why anyone wants to ever lol. I can only read buddie smut in very specific scenarios and most of the time i skip even that. And the rhetoric in a lot of tumblr space recently makes me feel like a bad person for not being all for it 100%. I don't think I've explained myself well here but I tried. You don't have to reply or post this either, I just wanted to reach out to someone in fandom who won't jump down my throat for it 😅. 911 is kind of a hyperfixation of mine so even though I'm trying to stay away as much as possible so as to not make myself more upset but I have no idea what to do with myself otherwise 🫠. Thanks for reading and sorry for unloading on you

Please don’t apologize, im happy you felt like I was a safe space. Im gonna break this into two parts and I hope I can articulate myself correctly lol

1) the first few days after an episode, any episode but especially one like this, isn’t indicative of fandom as a whole. Emotions are heightened due to what happened in the episode. Everyone is screaming about something and it’s in your face ya know? This week something HUGE happened, so yes people are talking about it. It was to be expected. We must make space for people to be happy about it. It’s a beautiful thing and queer joy MUST be celebrated.

This show (for the most part) has done a beautiful job of giving each character their time to shine(some more so than others but thats a conversation for a different day). Coming off 7x04, yes the headline is Bi Buck. And it will continue to be for a while, but it’s important to remember that YOU curate your fandom experience. I don’t blame you at all for what you’re feeling, ESPECIALLY as an Eddie girlie(gn), like I get it! Trust me! I’ve had to carefully maneuver through some emotions this week myself. I’m human! But filtering and being able to step away is everything.

Being excited about the storyline and also hoping and wanting more from other storylines are two things that can be true at the same time. It’s not one or the other. Remember that.

2) im going to say this and just know the caps is because I am just passionate. I promise you, its yelling at you with love okay?

I know it is easier said than done, but don’t you EVER allow ANYONE on this fucking hellsite make you feel less than or that your asexuality is anything but 100% valid. YOU are valid, you hear me?

Okay. I had to make sure to say that first. Whew. Now. As for the fandom piece of it all, we have to remember that there levels to it. You are allowed to feel the way you feel about sex, BUT it’s also important to remember that sex positivity (and those who express it) is also a good and valid. If you feel like there are blogs that talk down to you, imply that YOU are homophobic or biphobic simply because YOU are not doing cartwheels about different sex acts, then block. Unfollow. Do whatever you need to. Those people are scum.

Listen to me *pulls you close*, this is always a safe space. You are a valid, your existence and experiences are valid. And anyone who makes you question that can fuck right off. And lastly, HAPPY ASEXUALITY DAY TO YOU SPECIFICALLY! MUAH! 💜🤍🩶🖤

#this got REALLY long and I am sorry for that lmfaoooo #911 asks

[whysojiminimnida]

Maknae Line Sipping Things, Pt. 1

Maybe it's tea but more likely it's gonna hit and make us dizzy, knowing these guys. Because it's always something with them, isn't it?

WAIT BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER PLEASE TO READ THE DISCLAIMER

ARMY is many things to "our boys" - who, by the way, have not been "boys" for nearly a decade, now. Can we just normalize letting grown ass men be, IDK, GROWN ASS MEN?

They DO LOVE US. More than we realize. We are their validation. We are their audience, their personal search engine, their friends in a weird kind of two-sided parasocial relationship (which I guess makes it nearly a social relationship). But we are also their paychecks.

BTS is at a point where none of them need to work. Ever. They could fuck off to Bora Borahae (don't get me started) and spend lavishly for the rest of their days and still leave an enormous inheritance to their pets. They're fine, financially, in a way that most of us will never be. It's a heady experience, I'm told, having fuck-you money, and they have that. And yet they continue to work.

They continue to move their lives within a very tight, very enclosed but entirely too visible bubble. They always will, because their level of fame is that, now. Their lives don't really belong to them - they belong to us. Which is a heavy and often uncomfortable reality for them. So that's my angle going into the whole What The Fuck Is Up With The Maknae Line thing. They are in an unhealthy relationship - with ARMY - and it's changed who they are to each other, over time.

To be fair it's not ARMY's fault, either. If we must lay blame somewhere throw it on the idol system, maybe. They were assigned their roles in the beginning and SO WAS ARMY. It goes both ways.

The hyungs handle it better, overall. They were a few very crucial years older. They were given more responsibility and less, I think, insecurity. Don't get me started on neurodivergency. Or gayness. I'LL PONTIFICATE, IT WILL TURN INTO A DAMN FILIBUSTER, LET'S JUST NOT OKAY.

"But we LOVE THEM," I hear you cry. How can our love be unhealthy? Oh let me count the ways.

I LOVE a good fansite photographer. And Black & White is the best of the best - supportive, great shots, excellent with boundaries. See that? Jungkook recognized and was not upset to see them - because he sees them. A LOT. Here's Jimin taking notice:

He ain't mad. But cameras are as normal to BTS as breathing. Kinda like stylists. They get so used to having them there they don't quite seem real without them. To us, certainly, but maybe also to themselves. And as we've been let in to (almost) every facet of their lives we've become a little entitled. We think we know them - and in many ways we do. We see them cry, laugh, snort, fart, snore, sneeze and cough. We've even managed to be privy to inconvenient wood and bathtub photos - usually dressed, but Namjoon is not here today. "They're so relatable", we sigh. "How are they even real," we swoon. And yet we know they are, because we see them like this:

Little derpcakes, all of 'em. And we go "must protect!"

We protecc, we attacc, we give a boy a snacc, we make up memes about it and feel a little superior to all those fans who don't protect their idols - as well we should, we're the bomb. THE BANGTAN BOMB BITCHES.

And in so doing we have "protected" the maknae line right into eternal teenhood.

I've done it myself. Ask me how old Park Jimin is and I am as likely as not to tell you he's 24. (He's about to turn 27 international. At the end of the year he turns 29, Korean age.)

Again, much of this is marketing and is done deliberately because teen girls spend money. They also write fanfiction, draw and paint fan art, and attend concerts. And some of the fics are amazing, most are porn-adjacent or straight (gayyyy) erotica. Ditto a chunk of the art. But keep in mind that minors produce and consume all manner of media. A Minors DNI warning might as well be a neon sign. And fiction and depiction are SAFE ways for ARMY to explore their own and other sexualities. Put a pretty boy naked in a high school locker room with a tattooed, musclebound alpha quarterback and the metaphorical or literal jizz flings itself into the stratosphere. BUT LORD HELP A GROWN ASS ADULT MAN THAT ACTUALLY GETS A GIRLFRIEND.

Or boyfriend.

Stay tuned for the rest of this mess, probably.

#parasocial relationships #maknae line #army #bts army #jimin #jungkook #taehyung #just out here on my bullshit don't mind me

[copperbadge]

hey sam! i was just ruminating that it's a fantastic time for authors to do dvd commentaries, and other 'ask the author' memes. it's additional material and feedback all in one package! (after we explain what a dvd extra is)

I suppose I'm of two minds about it. My immediate thought was that authors have always done Q&As, but it's true that they used to be less accessible both to readers and to the authors if they weren't big names, because they required travel (and in the reader's case, knowing the author would be traveling, plus having to go out to wherever they were doing the reading). Authors still do book tours and signings for that kind of purpose, but being able to do that kind of thing online as well now makes it easier and cheaper. Although I wonder whether there's less sense of connection because it's not face-to-face. But yeah, I would imagine it's pretty great for gauging what the overall readership is interested in. Certainly in dialogue with readers when I put my books up for review, I always learn a lot.

The idea of a DVD commentary is kind of interesting because I was like "How would that work with a book, though?" and I guess you could annotate an ebook -- like, offer a version with little widgets where if you clicked them you'd get the author adding notes about the book. I've never been a fan of actual DVD commentaries -- I don't like filmed interviews because they take so fucking long to actually say anything, and with a DVD commentary you've now got the addition of "talking over the story". But I could see how if you loved a book you might like having a version where you've got extra notes.

I struggle with the idea of "additional material" somewhat. I suppose that's ironic given how much I discuss outside-of-book on this blog, but that's just....I don't know, it's answering questions, it's not like "building the canon outside of the canon", and if I think something is good enough, it always goes into the books. The whole "They speak English with a Welsh accent" thing was amusing, but then I was like "Yeah let's actually put that in the text, why should it live on Tumblr alone?"

There's so much media now where it feels like if you aren't spending every waking moment interacting with every aspect of it, you just don't get to...be a fan, in an active sense. There are podcasts I follow where if you want to do anything other than listen to the episodes, even if you just want to attend a live show or buy merchandise, you have to dedicate significant time weekly to following them on all the social media and actively read their Patreon. And I just can't. I really like that creators can put that kind of thing out there, I think overall that's to the good, but it feels like something I'm blocked from participating in.

So, I keep all my shit here. I've had it suggested that I'd benefit as a writer from having a newsletter, which I actually agree with, and it seems like it could be entertaining to do. But I get caught up in this dichotomy of "Well, won't people be mad that they have to go subscribe to this thing instead of just reading my tumblr?" and/or "Won't subscribers be aware they can just find all this on my tumblr?" and I get real in my head about it. Because I'd struggle with having to go two separate places for stuff like that.

Uh, to circle back to your actual ask, however, because all that was just like...IDK, weird anxiety digression, I do think it's a great era for extra-canonical material, and while it does mean creators have to be much better at boundary-setting than they used to be, I like that they can adjust their level of interaction as they see fit.

Oh and uh. It's felt awkward to actually talk about it, but if you guys do want more material I do have a sideblog, @shivadh, which is where I stash everything I want to make note of for the books -- research, imagery, stuff I've talked about here that hasn't got a place to go in googledocs yet, that kind of thing. It's not extra material per se, it's just me shoving shit into a filing cabinet, and I don't do image IDs like I do here because it's more for me, plus I do delete posts once I've made use of them. But folks are welcome to follow if they want to.

#writing #books #selfpublishing #indy publishing #rpfreiwaphase

[spicesweet]

sorry for how this sounds, but 29 seems like a big age to be pouring so much time and effort into ‘aesthetic’ tumblr posts.

like idk if you know, but you are probably the most active user in the clean girl community. so like, not trying to be rude, but—

do you have a job? 😅

or is this more of a full-time hobby?

first of all, you're forgiven for how this sounds. lol

I'm kidding, though you are a bit rude, but since you've acknowledged it I won't mind it. but I get your point, I mean, a lot of people think people past the age of 25 should just stop doing everything they think it's fun and just focus on work and their salary. and I'm not being sarcastic, this is really how it is.

this is partially why I hesitated to add my age to my personal info, because I knew eventually I'd get this type of message. and it's just a bit boring to answer because like, what can I say? I'm 29 and I have a social media account. I've had social media accounts since I was way to young to have them and apparently now I'm too grown to have one. every single 30+yo person I know has at least one social media account, including some people who have been on Tumblr or Twitter continuously since they were children up until now; some are extremely serious about it, like trying to make it a business, and some are silly about it. I think I'm on the silly side: I post pics and talk about walking for an hour every day and doing pilates and eating good food. I don't think this is too much.

this is obviously not a job lol but I don't think social media is really a hobby either? it's social media, it's like, a realm of its own. at least I wouldn't consider this a hobby, it's just a fun thing to do online, not really something that takes much time or effort in my opinion, like, idk, watching cat videos. I think you understand how Tumblr works, since you also have Tumblr. I just maybe don't take this as seriously as you do, or maybe I have a more stable lifestyle than yours, which makes you think I'm probably neglecting things like employment to be here. it's not the case. thanks for your concern, but my bills are paid and my fridge is full. (of whole foods btw)

I don't know if you're younger than me and you think you'll never be this way when you're my age or if you're my age and feel like I should act more like it, but if you don't mind it, I think you should really let go of the idea that there's a determined age where you should quit doing silly things that are fun and harmless. it's gonna stress you the fuck out if you keep thinking this way 🤍

#love letters

[youranemicvampire]

Thoughts and opinions on The Little Mermaid (2023) with SPOILERS.

First of all, i'm so happy to be able to watch it. I've been waiting for it since 2019. And the casting announcement was the reason i became a fan of Chloe x Halle

The casting is perfect! I'm really a sucker for a good casting so....

Halle Bailey is everything Ariel. TBH, it feels like she's not acting that hard coz her expressions and voice are naturally Ariel. She's born to be a Disney princess. I could not imagine another person playing this role. From her face, features, physique, height and voice. She's a whole package.

Jonah Hauer-King is indeed charming. When his casting got announced, i never doubted him coz from his looks, he also has this Disney and Princely face. And i even like his version of Prince Eric better than the animated one.

Melissa McCarthy is great. She is actually terrifying lol but my complaint is that her make-up is lacking and then i found out that a straight person made it. I don't see the Drag in her face. It should have been better. Way better. They should have hired a queer make-up artist or someone in the Drag scene.

I know we all hate Awkwafina, but she actually has this annoying bird voice that is right for the role.

It's my first time to see Jessica Alexander act and whew! I think i might have a new crush. And she's bisexual??? I stan!

I don't have that much say for the other casts, but they are all great and visually amazing.

I expected a lot of changes, but i think it's good that they only changed the things that are necessary. It felt more genuine.

It's not that dark! It was just the right level of darkness for the scenes that are meant to be dark. The day scenes are actually colorful.

I saw a take about the sea creatures not being animated and expressive enough, but i think it's more of the CGI limitations, not the movie itself.

Having said that, Flounder could've been better. Still cute tho.

Halle and Jonah's chemistry is amazing. I'm a hetero-hater, but i was gushing in the theatre. Ariel and Eric are the best Disney live-action couple 💯 And Jalle's friendship offscreen is cute and wholesome.

I'm also a big musical fan so this live-action is special to me because they actually casted a singer and not just a basic one. What i hated about other Disney live-actions is the autotune. It's so annoying.

One of the minor issues i have is that i wished they didn't release too many stills and clips. I was kinda pissed on the "Under the sea" part coz i already saw the majority of it on social media. I wanted to be surprised because that scene was so fun and magical.

They should definitely have a sequel, a prequel, and a mermaid sisters spin-off. It would be a waste to only see them once especially Halle and Jonah's chemistry. The sisters are also too beautiful not to have their own stories coz from how they look, they have really different identities.

People complain too much on animal designs, but ignore the mermaid tails of Ariel and her sisters.

I'm also proud of Halle's acting coz i watched her on Grown.ish and her acting skills and confidence really improved by miles. Even when she lost her voice, she was very expressive. She didn't even have to try that much.

For me, this is the 2nd best Disney live-action so far. My first is still Maleficent.

Idk if I still need to say this, but the soundtrack is on-repeat after I watched. I actually want to rewatch the whole thing with subs coz i can't understand the British accent. lol

Halle Bailey needs to be in more musicals. I just can't get enough. Jessica Alexander should also be in more villain roles. Sapphic villain specifically 🥵

I also liked how Ariel and Prince Eric were longing for each other's world you know. It's a story about freedom really, not wanting to be boxed, and wanting to explore no matter how dangerous it is. It's such a queer allegory. And it's special knowing the original version of Hans Christian Andersen.

#The little mermaid #My Ariel #Ariel #Halle Bailey #Chloe x Halle #Jessica Alexander #Jonah Hauer-King #Disney #Prince Eric #Melissa McCarthy #Rob Marshall #Disney princess #Ursula #Vanessa #Flounder #Sebastian #Personal #hans christian andersen

[browneyes-issac]

Hellos everyoneeee!!! 💞👋

Sooooo I'm coming backkkk!! Finally!! 🙈💞😆

Warning This is super longgggg!! 🤣🙈

So I deeply apologize for dropping off the face of the earth back in February... I really had full 100% intentions of staying up to date with ready and writing... I just... I really think I overwhelmed myself working and trying to keep up.. Which that's nothing against anyone. I'm just super slow and I was still getting used to working evening being there five months. So I was sleeping more then my usual napping. So I think that's what started me backing away.

Then the housekeeping boss... She was becoming more and more of a bully to us and one of the ladies in laundry finally had enough and went to HR. She ended up getting fired. My aunt ended up taking the position.. Which yeah that was the logical choice but some stuff happened with her which I'll get into later on. But yeahhh, original boss lady strained on my mental health a lot...

And I am big on saying heyy blow up my phone if you need and or want to for whatever you want.. But I feel bad doing it to others so getting behind on my reading.. It kinda messed with me. Because I feel really bad for not staying up to date but also I just... I was getting burned out I think... 🥺🥺

~

A positive note ----

Biketok kinda consumed me on tiktok... 🤣🙈 gotta love the masked men love that Mando started for meeeee!! 🤣🤭

I have no words.. They all are so amazing and badass and I just... Yeahhh 🤭😍 I used to really hate sports bikes... But idk tiktok showed me they can be absolutely beautiful and their riders are so amazing... 🥺

I got a whole list of them that I follow and love but there is this one... His name is Angel. I don't even know where to start with him. He's so amazing, precious, dorky, idkk I just love and adore him. 💞

When I started following him it kinda started out as a crush.. Because ya know a booktok themed video of his popped up.. 🤣🤭 But once I got to know him through his lives and his more personal posts.. My love for him turned more into a comfort love. He brings me so much joy and comfort.. Like his fourth live I watched, I passed tf out. And I'm big on the saying; you fall asleep faster when you are laying next to someone you feel safe with. And it's the same thing with him. His voice just... 🥺💞🥰 Even when the dork is screaming and yelling at his games on live.. Still pass out and stay asleep. 🤣 he's really helped me heal a lot... 🫶

^^^^ this is the stinker in question. 🤭🤣 he did a face reveal, so I feel it's ok I am posting it on other social media. 💞 He's so stinking handsome I cantttt!! 😍💞🥰

I may still do thirsty comments on his posts.. But my teasing love and comfort love for him over powers that.. He just knows how to get under my skin with the spiciness.. 🤣🙈

He does have a girlfriend, which I'm endlessly happy for him.. He deserves endlesssss happiness!! 💞

If you would like to check him out... All socials are Outrunangels. He also has music out under that name. 🥰 he has music out under another name too, but not gonna promote it.. Not gonna type it out, if you'd like to listen to it after you've checked out the angel stuff.. Let me know and or I'll do a post about it too.. 🤣

~~~~~

Ok back to the annoying soppy stuff.. Enough of me gushing about my Angel baby.. 🤣💞🤭

So when I was pulled into biketok.. I found this one guy. He followed me back on tiktok and one day we started talked and he asked to move to snap, because tiktok didn't send him notifications good enough.. Which is fine, I had no problem with that. We started talking more.. Kinda... Kinda ended up being more of a spicy relationship. Which I was fine with. Because I've never been a relationship or had any romantic anything.. I know I've never shared this on here, but I've grown a lot and I'm not that ashamed of it anymore. I'll share about what helped me later on.

Anyways. This guy... I confessed I started developing feelings for him and that I'd love to start to get to know each other better. His response was I'm sorry I don't do relationships because I move around a lot. Ok I get that completely, but long distance can work and it doesn't hurt to at least have friends.

So I kinda started stepping back.. Because that hurt and as time went on it did more and I had some good days. Then around the middle of August, maybe the week after my birthday (it's the 6th ), he posted a few videos with a girl and I believe one said it was his girlfriend. Sooo yeahhh that killed me a bit. Like ok you could have been a decent human and said hey I don't like you anymore so let's stop talking, because I found someone.

I stepped back completely then.. I kept him on everything and just slowly deleted him off of everything. A few weeks ago a video of his popped up, he ended up breaking up with that girl.. I kinda laughed, because karmaaaa! 🤷‍♀️

Angel came into my life at a really good time. It was right before the crap with this guy got really bad for my mental health. And just like his name he was an angel and saved me. 🥺💞

Back to work stuff... Ya know how I said my aunt is my boss? Yeah kinda sucks now... So my dad is the manager for the bowling alley in town. He hired my cousin, my aunts son. He's been slacking a lot.. Dad has tried talking to him a lotttt... Fought to get him a raise... And then the Monday after my dad's birthday he fired him. Because he went behind dads back to the GM.. What's the point of dad being manager if he's gonna go to the GM?? Some other stuff happened too that caused dad to finally fire him.

My aunt is a childish person... So of course when my dad tried to talk to her calmly when she was there with her bowling buddies... She blew up at him talking about this isn't my problem blah blah.. And some other stuff that is family stuff.. Don't wanna get into it.. Been dealing with that mentally too much...

So she's been acting annoyingly at work.. Some other reasons too, but it irritates me too much so not gonna get into it.

Back in September one of the CNAs on my Hall was making fun t-shirts for all of us to wear for Halloween in October. She asked me to come help her and just hang out.. She only had mine left to do, pay day was the following week.. So I assumed that we were gonna wait to wear them until I had mine done. Which awesome, I'm fine with waiting.. Get to work Tuesday.. And all of them are wearing their shirts... It crushed me, but I didn't say anything because I've never been like that. But my mom, the protector she is... Did say something to Chrissy (aunt/boss) and a CNA she's friends with.. She talked to her in confidence as friend and fellow mom... Well this girl went to the nursing boss about it... So boss lady chewed the nursing saffs butts about it...

Mind you. Two of the CNAs I've known most of my life.

I think it was the Friday that this happened... When I got back upstairs from break, the girl that did the shirts asked if I was upset about not having my shirt yet. I said yes, but once I thought about it I was fine with not having it yet because I'm the housekeeper and the youngest, and my shirt is a different picture... And then mom got upstairs too because the CNA that actually cared about me out of the two I know, she had asked for mom to come talk to her... Because she knows how I'd react about the situation..

Mom and her walked away and I was still talking to the shirt maker one.. Boss lady and the other one I've known forever both said idk why we have to deal with right now and in the middle of the hall... Um excuse me, this is how we always talk.. It's not my fault you guys don't do your job properly so you gotta race to do things when state is in the building... So I walked away crying...

This killed me a lot.... Then the CNA that is mean that I've known... She keeps singling me out and setting me up for crap...

Mind you, she started doing this the week my mom was puking her brains out.

Oh and another thing I'm gonna share with y'all finally... I still live with parents.. We all aren't in a rush for me to move out and I help with bills, which is why I wanted a job...

We didn't know what was wrong with her.. She couldn't stand up really without feeling dizzy and puking... So no work for her.. I was having to worry about helping get her stuff done plus my hall. So I was slacking a lot. Because my mom is never sick. So I was freaking out and struggling a lot... She ended up going to the doctors and found out she has verdigo.

And this woman decides to start doing this crap that week and telling my boss.. I'm gonna leave this and see how long it takes lotus to pick it up... Like wtffff???

So yeah this all has been straining on my mental health a lot... I'm finally slowly getting bsck to being better... I'm gonna be switching to deep cleaning soon.. I'm training the new girl. I'm hoping she won't freak out and quite. 🤞

~~~ two postive things again.. 🥰

First.. The thing that had helped me not be ashamed of being single all my life and have no romantic background at all... I found this audio erotica app called Quinn. They have Voice actors that do spicyyy audios. It's such a wide range of stuff on there. Very sex postive. And their social media team posts so amazingly with helping us understand the positivity that goes with sex. They have helped me a lot with being ok with how I am not having experience. And I follow a few of the ones I love.. And ahh they are so sweet and awesome.. Have helped a lot too. Also, Quinn is only $5 a month.. 👀👀

Second... I got my first tattoo!!!

The meaning ---- this is a mental health tattoo.🫶

no I didn't get the lotus out of cheesiness of it being my name. I got it because I love the symbolism of it. Lotus flowers grow through the mud. So I have always said; you have to push through the mud of life to blossom into the beautiful lotus flower you are.

The words. I have always said that to my friends and myself.. And ya know I don't really cuss unless I'm really mad and that is how I always type out that cuss word.

It is also in honnor the people we have lost to suicide. 💞 I've had some family friends, famous people I adore and just in general for people we've lost to it. 💞

It's still super weird I have one. I never thought I would be able to do it!! I'm so scared of pain, but this pain.. It hurt but not really.. My mom and I keep saying, it's the perfect pain that doesn't hurt like other pain. I so calm during it that my hand went cold from keeping it still.. 🙈🤣

I can't wait to get moreeeee!! 🤭🤭

Ok will post this with some tags and then reblog with tagging people and some more to write. 💞

#long ass post #what ive been up to #lil life update 💞 #hii everyone! #ive missed youuu 🥺

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi I ID as aro, and I see a lot of people talking about experiencing being asked out, which is something that has never ever happened to me my whole mid teen life and idk I feel kinda bad for that, I remember around the age of 12 dreading the concept of being asked put because I knew I would never like them back, idk how obvious I made that to everyone at my school, I mean I never endeavoured to form any kind of relationship that would lead to you being asked out (I wonder why? /s) I don't really know what leads to someone asking someone out (I've obviously never had the ambition to myself but I find I do always initiate relationship with other people, platonic and queerplatonic) idk I guess it kinda makes me feel unwanted or like there's something wrong with me/no one likes me, I want to be asked out even if it's just for the experience of knowing that I am wanted 😔

Yeah, I totally understand those feelings, Anon. These things are really complicated, and I think it's important to recognize that just because you haven't been asked out doesn't mean you're value as a person is any less, or that you're unwanted or wouldn't be able to find a good romantic relationship if you wanted one.

A lot of people ask people out who they've formed a connection with and feel they have some romantic chemistry with, so very likely that's not happening with your interactions with people. Sometimes people don't ask people out because they feel intimated (for example I've known really pretty people, or people with strong personalities, who don't get asked out much and that's the reason, but it's not a fault of theirs). Sometimes people just aren't in situations very often where people are considering you in a more romantic context, or getting out and meeting people more. I think this one's more common in today's social media/pandemic world, people just in general aren't getting out and seeing other people as much as they used to. So I don't think not being asked out is necessarily a sign of having any flaws.

Whatever reason why you haven't been asked out at this point doesn't affect your worth as a person, or devalue the connections with the people you do have in your life. Make sure you don't lose sight of that either. And try and focus on areas where you do see your value, or where you can create value in yourself through things you can control (say things like learning skills, trying to do good, etc.)

All the best, Anon! Take care!

[go-to-the-mirror]

I really wanted to draw for this episode, but my head's been kind of messed up lately, so I'm just gonna ramble I guess. I've been so excited for this episode :3

Firstly, this is one of my absolute favourite episodes ever, and I Will Not shut up about it, because it's so good! Literal suburban hellscape!! To be honest I relate a little more to the other themes in this episode, being quiet fear, no one knowing or caring that you died in some supernatural suburban hell, and your body is just rotting there. An irrelevant name, an irrelevant face, just another victim of this place. Spooky stuff! Not too afraid of suburbs themselves lol, though I doubt many are.

This episode is SO neat! :D Right, on with the ramble/analysis because I have GREAT words for this episode.

@a-mag-a-day

Content warnings for everything in this episode + some themes of domestic violence/abuse.

Before we go ahead with the episode, here are some highlights from text conversations.

WHEN YOU CANT TRUST COMFORT!! (MAG 162, MAG 170, MAG 181, MAG 186, MAG 187 (to an extent)) MAG 150 (I love Cul-de-Sac and will never shut up about it) MAG 188 but when Jon' talking about how The Lonely is familiar to Martin and how the suburbia domains have quiet suffering (Will never be over that actually i have So Many Feelings) MAG 32 I can make a little quote thig one second actually because I have Thoughts god i'd be so cool on tumblr but i'm too anxious to post there, this is a tragedy [...] "I was going to die. I knew that now, just as she had, just as anyone else who came here had. How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?" Screaming Every time I think about cul-de-sac it becomes even more my favourite statement

(Messages to Mapleejay, 22 December, 2022)

One day I am going to write a statement and it's going to be like eye, lonely, idk, but it's definitely going to be eye and lonely and it's going to be so horrifying because combination false comfort + THAT being desperate for help people watching and laughing and judging but passing by + that line from cul-de-sac I'm obsessed with [...] Being lonely isn't just about being alone physically Being alone in an uncaring crowd [...] No one knows or cares what you're dealing with The line from cul-de-sac is "Her face was bloody but I was sure I didn't recognize her. She had a bag with her, and her ID read "Yetunde Uthman," not a name I'd ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place" but also "How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid facade of this endless false suburbia?" And "I checked to see if I could find anything out about Yetunde Uthman, and I did find a few old social media profiles, but I wasn't able to get through to any family or friends. As far as I can tell she disappeared a year ago and nobody noticed."

(Messages to Mapleejay, 29 December, 2022)

Now, onto the actual reaction, posting it on tumblr dot com because I am no longer too anxious! Hell, I might even post the previously mentioned compilation of quotes with commentary! Fun times.

You’re all alone, trying to connect with people, trying to find your place in the world, but in the end the only person you really know is yourself, and even then, not all that well. There’s plenty of things I’ve done I couldn’t explain to you.

Shout out to that time my sister tried to convince me that she knew me better than I knew myself. Not in a malicious way, mind, we were kids, and she just figured that because she could remember more of my life, she knows me more.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's for everyone I guess, but here I am with my impulsivity and memory issues having no idea why the hell I did so many of the stupid things I've done. You whole life is just justifying to yourself the decisions you've made, so maybe I'm just not grand at that /hj.

“What an idiot! How the hell could he have done such an obviously stupid thing? How was I surprised it went so badly? What a relief I’m now so much older and wiser.” Except that last part never really turns out to be true, does it? The line of when you were your dumb younger self seems to keep moving forward with you, until each more mature and reasonable version of you eventually falls foul of it and becomes a young idiot.

A year ago, I thought I had really worked on my anger and just become an all-round nicer person to be around, and then I look back and realize that yes, my anger was still very much there, and also that I was quite... passionate? I am still, I'm pretty loud, it comes with the territory, and that can be misinterpreted as or become anger, given the right (or wrong) circumstances.

It's not really worth it, is it. I can berate myself from 4 years ago for being an angry, clingy little prick, but there's not really a point anymore. I understand them, I understand why fae was angry and clingy and sort of mean, and now I know how to not be angry and clingy and mean, and being angry at your younger self really doesn't accomplish anything. This is @ jon sims, pull yourself together man.

The thing is, when we both found ourselves in positions to be working from home, we actually thought it was going to be really good for our relationship. The two of us, spending all our time together; we reckoned it was going to be real romantic. We were real stupid back then.

If I know anything from the statistics of domestic violence in the pandemic, then yeah no. No. Not that their relationship was abusive or anything.

Also, I like how Herman goes from saying how believing you're much older and wiser is a lie, to saying that they were really stupid "back then," there's something in that. I don't know what.

Hell, technically it’s not even a suburb. It’s just a village that looks so much like a suburb that you could pull it up drop it on the edge of any dull town in England and it would look the same.

Can't believe the suburban hellscape episode isn't even set in a suburb.

Just street after street of identical, blandly pleasant houses, all winding around each other in dead ends and cul-de-sacs and one-way streets, making sure every house has plenty of inoffensive garden. I’ve never seen people happily living in a place so obviously dead.

CAN I QUICKLY TALK ABOUT GRASS?

Grass, the short lawn grass, it's not great. It is bad for the environment actually. Suburbs slash neg.

Just that last bit of that paragraph. Real.

I’d say that cheating on him was a foolish act of past me, but honestly, it’s one of the few decisions I’ve ever made that I completely understand. I didn’t even try to hide it, not really, and when he found out and it all ended, I kind of hated myself for just how relieved I was that I’d finally be able to leave that place, to get in my car and drive away from that gentle suburban nightmare.

I like that phrase, "gentle suburban nightmare."

I got a cheap apartment in Liverpool and tried to tell myself I was happier. The single life, footloose and … sitting at home binging bad TV. I tried to get back into the club scene, but honestly, I think I’m just too old now. The music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive and the sort of thing I used to take to be dancing all night now hit me with a comedown so hard that I had to write off almost the entire week.

As mentioned above, I don't really think The One Alone is only about physical isolation. It can be, sure, but I feel like it's also about the failure to connect. There are so many people and none of them see you, and you don't see them, and there's an insurmountable difference between you and them.

It didn’t help that, over the course of a ten-year relationship, “my friends” had become “our friends” and there weren’t any of them siding with me in this situation. Some would drop platitudes about maybe reconnecting after the fallout was done with, but I know when I’m being handled by people who “don’t want to create any more drama.”

✨ loosing all of your friends at once ✨

Ah... good times, good times.

It's like, not only have you lost one person, then you lose everyone, and if you had anyone left you just sort of... assume you don't. It's so easy to cut yourself off, and when you've done it once you can do it again, and again, and again, and again.

I don’t know. I was younger, then. Foolish.

There is something there!

Then Jon does a litte laugh, assuming in statement character, so I'm guessing the statement giver was laughing at himself. Neat detail.

It was late when I got to what I thought was his street, driving through the one-way signs and well-maintained gardens that bordered that snaking road. The sun had disappeared, but the sky was still fairly light, that late-summer twilight that seems to just drag on forever.

Mate, I love the aesthetic of the fog and The Lonely, but that's not really what feels lonely to me. This feels lonely, slightly humid, sun shining into your eyes, slight breeze, no one around, flat and empty.

Yes, I know I'm just describing an Ontario summer.

There was no answer at any of them. There were no lights on behind the drawn curtains, and all the house numbers were zero.

It's so freaky! The growing dread, you know this could almost be an I Do Not Know You statement, what with the things playing at being normal houses, and the tv show shown later.

I wished I hadn’t thrown away the wristwatch Alberto had given me, but it was too late for those regrets.

I may be reaching, but could this be a microcosm of Herman's regret at having thrown away him and Alberto's relationship, and seeing it as too late to salvage it. Now he's left with no way to tell the time, as it were, in a manifestation of The Lonely.

At the start, I was counting how many houses I passed, but when I got to a hundred, I stopped. It was beginning to eat away at my careful rationalisations, and I couldn’t allow that.

I'm just highlighting it because I find it interesting how his mind works. Not in a bad way or even a good way. It just is.

I marched up to a nearby front door, prepared to kick in the flimsy-looking wood, but trying the handle revealed it was unlocked. I don’t know why I picked that house. It was exactly identical to all the others, and I’ve often wondered if there was anything that drew me to it. Perhaps I was just unlucky, or perhaps there only ever was one house.

I just really like this section. "Perhaps there only ever was one house," should be up there with "the blanket never did anything," as creepy lines. The theme of inevitability. This is going to happen, there is only one possible way this can end.

It feels tired, that's the lonely to me. Just being tired. You can cry all you want, you can be afraid but... at the end you're just tired and alone and it hasn't changed a thing. Inevitability in that way.

Or maybe, inevitability that you were always going to be alone. Maybe there's just something wrong with you.

Hhhh I love this episode so so so so so much.

The lights worked, which was a relief, and the inside looked exactly how I expected it to. And I mean, exactly how I expected it to: from the blank IKEA furniture, to the subtly-patterned cream wallpaper, to the picture frames lining the wall containing what were clearly stock photos, each of a different family pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss.

Firstly, the line "pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss" is just so... I love it so much. I love this episode so much. A family home, a happy family home from the outside looking in.

Secondly:

I did find several pictures of her and her new boyfriend though, which puts my mind somewhat at ease. Well, mostly. There’s something about him that doesn’t seem quite right. Something about the smile, maybe? I mean, they’re all pictures of Sasha and Tom, as I’m told his name is, having fun together, but… it’s hard to put into words exactly, but every one of them looks somehow like a stock photo.

(MAG 57 - Personal Space)

I could point to this and say that this is an example of it potentially being The Stranger, however I'm going to use it to point out something else.

You’re thinking too literally. Examining the physical categorisation, but ignoring the meaning of the thing. What are the bones? In the Distortion, your “Michael”, the structure of a skeleton, an established reality in your mind, is twisted and warped into an impossible form. But in other cases? Are they a symbol of slaughter and butchery? Are they the familiar made wrong? Or are they simply part of the messy, physicality of flesh?

(MAG 80 - The Librarian)

What matters is what it is, in this case the stock photos, what matters is what it means, what it makes the person looking at it feel. In Tom and Not!Sasha's case, it's representing how Not!Sasha is pantomiming as a real person, everything looks like a stock photo because she isn't actually a person going on dates with her boyfriend, she's pretending to be.

The stock photos in this episode are representing the pretense of this home where atrocities are committed being a normal family home. It's set up like a little suburban home, beige walls, sofa tv, family pictures, lovely place to raze a child - sorry raise a child - just so long as you ignore the blood dripping down from upstairs!

She was talking, or at least, it sounded like she was. The cadence and the sounds were so much like English that it took me almost a full minute to realise that she wasn’t actually saying words.

I recently relistened to episode 48 - Lost in the Crowd, and it's reminded me just how much I like the little bits of it focused on language. Easy to feel alienated when you don't know what people are saying.

The Lonely and The Stranger are pretty similar - one could say that they're part of the same thing and separating them with no room for nuance was a stupid thing fictionalized Robert Smirke - but yeah I mean, it's pretty easy to feel lonely in a crowd of people you don't know. The Lukas', the crowd, these people on the TV, they're all strangers, people you don't know who you feel scared of.

It's interpretation, really.

I hit the remote again. A shopping channel. The host was a tall, clean-shaven man with close-cropped hair. He was holding a brick and talking about it in that same flow of non-words, that still had a familiar salesman’s patter. The screen scrolled the message “buy now!”, though there was neither price nor contact details, as this man, who wouldn’t look at the camera, earnestly pretended to sell me a brick.

Firstly, Spamton G. Spamton is that you? Secondly, this is so freaky, I like it a lot. Just someone really trying to sell you a brick in complete gibberish, that's just so cool! Jonny just blew it out of the water with this one (it's my favourite non-metaplot episode).

I didn’t know them, as it turned out.

OOOOH JUST! HM! Just another person, dead upstairs, unknown even in death, not missed, alone even in death.

"I didn't know them."

She had a bag with her, and her ID read ‘Yetunde Uthman’ – not a name I’d ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place.

The line "just another victim of this place" is making me so unbelievably bouncing at the walls, tearing and ripping. Just another person, one of a million, just happened to be here, just another victim of this place.

I... don't know how to describe what I'm thinking when I hear that line. Just another victim of this place, just another poor unfortunate soul (in pain, in need) who somehow stumbled upon this suburban hellscape and died for it. Just another person with no one who would miss them, no one who'd notice they were gone. Just another lonely person, one of millions.

I am so abnormal about that line.

It looked as though she had forced her head through the mirror on the dressing table, the shards cutting her face and neck to ribbons, a particularly large piece piercing her jugular, spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below. I don’t think she’d been dead that long, but I’m not a doctor and I didn’t really try to check.

I like how it's noted that their blood was spilled onto another piece of set dressing for this ordinary suburban household. "Spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below." Noting the how the table is "unremarkable"... I just think that's neat, you know? How her blood has shattered the illusion of a normal home, a normal family posing in the picture frames.

How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?

Quiet terror. Private terror - you can't let anyone know. Put up a united front, and let things fall apart at home. Houses so put together in the front exactly like the others, but when you get inside there is the unmistakable sent of rot.

I need to write something with this, good lord.

Also, this reminds me of a line in 188.

ARCHIVIST But if you think there’s a lack of violence or suffering, then I’m afraid you’re mistaken. There’s plenty, it’s just… hidden. Trapped behind identical doors and down silent streets of unknown neighbours. The suffering here is deep. And it’s private.

(MAG 188 - Centre of Attention)

I say this as if I did not already think this already. I was not just reminded, I think about this podded cast quite a bit.

He was calling me; I don’t know how. But the tears came even faster now, as I answered, sobbing with relief to hear him yelling at me for taking so long. Had I forgotten? Was I even planning to bother? I tried to reply, to explain, but all I could manage to say, to get through the shaking sobs, was, “I love you.”

That's just a really beautiful moment, you think you're going to die and then you remember you love someone, and then someone comes to help you, because people love each other.

It's just... I really love that the way to beat The Lonely is love. Being loved, loving, not necessarily romantically, but human connection, love from person to person, in families, romantic partners, strangers, friends.

I think it's really great, I think this moment is really great, and I know Gerry says there are no entities of hope or love but I don't think we need them, 'cause we love enough on our own.

We’re working on it, the two of us. We’re not exactly back together yet, but I think it’s going well.

Yay! Fuck yeah! They're okay, or they're getting there, and you know what, great for them, great for them. Goddamn horror podcast with hope? And love? Hhhhh /pos.

As far as I can tell, she disappeared a year ago. And nobody noticed.

I've said this before in this, and I'll say it again. That really gets to me. Just being alone there, having no one even look for you, notice that you're gone, even care.

It's... horrible.

It’s not that easy though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences, sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re all in the same room. But it’s better than the alternative, and at least none of us are suffering alone.

That must be so awkward, like they all have so much baggage with each other, what do they do? Play scrabble? Jenga? They can't play cards 'cause Jon would accidentally cheat - or they'd accuse Jon of accidentally cheating - which sucks, because Sevens is fun. I learned Sevens from some guy in a pub in Ireland. It was fun.

MELANIE Jon, have you got a moment? ARCHIVIST Uh, course, I was just, um, having a statement. MELANIE Oh … A-an old one? ARCHIVIST Wha— Yes, an old one! I’m not— I’m doing my best. MELANIE Sure. ARCHIVIST What do you want?

My first reaction was "there was no reason for it to get so antagonistic in five seconds, Melanie" but then I reconsidered, and I understand why Melanie would say that, but why did she though? Like, what was the reason? He's in his office? The statement's right in front of him? Why? Like, fine, whatever, I get it, I can be nice and nuanced or whatever, but sometimes I don't want to and I want to get a bit miffed at Melanie for making it an angry conversation when it didn't have to be.

MELANIE Look, I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST I’m not sure I follow. You know we can’t quit. We’ve all tried. MELANIE I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said I’m not going to do my job: no researching, no filing, no field trips, nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just … I can’t be a part of this anymore. If I get sick, I get sick, and if I die …

I get why they were still doing their jobs, out of the fear of getting sick or dying from it.

MELANIE Because this place is evil, Jon. And so, doing this job, helping it out, even in small ways, is in some ways evil tool. Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse. And … And I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST What about the Unknowing? W-we saved the world. MELANIE Did we? I-I mean, I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? W-we weren’t even a neutral party. We did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

Yeah! Yeah it is evil! Good on Melanie, honestly, for Jon it's... less of an option, but I'm glad Melanie's doing it. Also why is she nearly spot on-

MELANIE Martin put him there. A-and he’s still doing harm! You ever think that maybe this whole ritual business is just an excuse, and that we’re all just part of some huge, miserable fear machine?

So, what if I told you-

I mean, she's not wrong. She is not wrong.

Does this count as striking? Is she striking from her evil eye job?

MELANIE Right, right, okay. I know. That is why I ruined my first four sessions and almost torpedoed the chance at a genuinely really good therapist, because I was so paranoid that she was going to turn out to be some … some thing trying to manipulate me. But no. She’s not full of spiders, or made of wax, or wearing the therapist’s skin or whatever. She’s just a well-trained professional, who I am paying to help me.

Look hm I'm just, I'm cheerleading. Go Melanie! (woo) Idk what to say. Don't really care about this post statement.

MELANIE Look, I didn’t come here for a fight. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.

Hey, I mean. High stress situation, they're bound to be a bit snappy. And by them I do mean both of them, whatever, my blorbo isn't infallible or something.

I don't really care about the post statement.

In conclusion, I love this statement so much. I think it's really cool, I like the themes of quiet and private terror, and love saving people. Cul-de-Sac my absolute beloved, I started this at ~4pm, it is now ~8:30pm.

#the magnus archives #tma #a mag a day #mag 150 #the lonely #tma meta #landscaping-your-mind-chapter-one

[decaffeinatedunicorn]

i mean, if Hayden got back with her clearly is none of our business, but i feel like people shouldn't be making up assumptions based on "what it seems", so i felt like saying these things now (sorry for the long text).

i follow Rachel for a long time just as i follow Hayden's family and they always got along nicely and spent holidays together even after their breakup, after all, Briar has the right to be close to her cousins and the rest of her family. Valentine's day, they didn't spend together, i remember there was something about rachel posting a picture in his house in Altadena, i think last year, that was exactly the time he had moved to that house that coincidentally was Valentine's day week. When I saw that at the time, my first thought wasn't anything related to them getting back together, but because since they share custody, Rachel had to know how was the new house he lived, and maybe even send some of Briar's stuff there, because again, shared custody.

So alright, later in the end of 2023, she was interviewed by a guy (i don't remember his name), and she mentioned once again her separation (because she was asked but she never says Hayden's name), and even shared some of her thoughts nowadays about marriage and getting with someone (she said that IF she gets to such a serious relationship again she wouldn't want a marriage with the law and stuff)

But anyway, moving forward, i also listen to her own podcast sometimes and she addresses several times (whenever it's brought up obviously) how is her single mom life, and from time to time, she lets out one thing or two about their co-parenting dynamic. There was a recent one (from this year I mean but I don't remember the month) when she mentioned something like "My daughter's dad and I separated when she was still too young so she didn't feel a lot", something on these lines.

What i mean with this whole thing is that Rachel and Hayden will always be close, because they have this bond that is their daughter, but just because they are close, it doesn't mean they are necessarily back, they were seen together a lot of times and people made a fuss over really small things.

About Hayden moving out of his house, i wouldn't be really surprised about this because his house in Altadena was all over the internet and he even had those "fans" visiting him without permission.

Hayden and Rachel already got back together after a split, yes, but it was just a few months after that split. There's a huge difference now, because they spent ten years together (enough time to know why it was better for them to separate) and almost seven years separated and co-parenting wonderfully. They're very grown adults and have the maturity to be in familiar terms without being a couple.

Anyway, sorry for the enormous text, I don't mean to fight or anything, just wanted to share my view on this whole situation because it's something I've been observing for a while now.

Okay, so let me say this: I appreciate the clarification that this isn't an argument. But social media is only a fraction of what people want you to see, and historically, Hayden is a very private person.

He very well could be moving because of fans showing up to his house, but he also could be moving because he got back together with Rachel, we don't know. I'm not THAT consumed with Hayden to need to know what he has going on, but I know that there are people that feel like they "need" every last bit of information about him.

Like you said, they're both grown, and she might be talking about her "single mom era," but let's not act like celebrities don't say shit to throw people off. Good for them if they are back and good for them if they aren't. it's really not any of our concern or right to know what these celebrities have going on.

It kinda did look a lot like the outside of Rachel's house he was standing at in that photo maybe it wasn't idk, but WHO CARES. They have a child together, and people spend years apart just to realize the person they were looking for was right there all along, so really, it doesn't matter lmao.

#celebrity gossip #thanks anon! #UNIspeaks