#idk how to explain what i mean. whatever

[weevilwizard]

trying to get into a new coquette musician

i ask if they’re a nicole dollanganger or a lana del rey

they laugh and say “it’s good coquette music, sir”

i listen

it’s lana del rey

#this post is about ethel cain #mine.txt #lana has made 1 good song ever and it’s video games #nicole has NEVR MISSED #ethel was unlistenable when i tried it was so trying-to-be-lana #and i hate lana’s overproduced sound it sounds like everything was recorded inside of an acoustic guitar #idk how to explain what i mean. whatever #listen to nicole dollanganger. listen to bowie bugs and bambi baker #listen to mercy necromancy and cozy st jean and rosie diamond #if anyone has more recommendations gimme

[somerandomdudelmao]

Ngl, Viktor vaguely reminds me of Husk from Hazbin hotel. Both grumpy softies :]

On that note, have you heard of the series Helluva Boss :0 ? (It's free to watch on yt)

I don't know your exact tastes in media but the art in the show is incredible in my opinion and the story is cool.

Just wanted to know what my favourite artist though on it if you've ever heard of it. Anygay!

Love your stuff 💙. You keep doing you Cass and i wish you a good day!

I think Victor is more like Tai Lung from Kung Fu Panda. But you have a point.

Yeah, I watched Helluva Boss, but I can't say I liked it much. The animation is beautiful and the art style looks interesting. I can appreciate well-done work, but this show doesn't really make me feel anything. I could have turned on a random youtube video instead and been more interested.

#idk why #maybe because almost all characters in this show kinda terrible #not as a bad written character #i mean as a terrible person #they’re killing/cheating/lying/etc #which is logical bc it’s hell #but it’s also making me so desensitised to all those things #that when I supposed to worry or at least care about them #instead I’m just …eh. whatever #idk how to explain it better #maybe it’s all about my brain being built that way #I like stories that can show me trust and care and kindness #and then make me shake in fear when they threaten to take them away #you know what I mean?

[frecklystars]

#star!keri #vent art #💕♬♪ ♡☆ I just want to be your lovin' teddy bear 🌟🧸♬♪☆ #im ok i just have a migraine and im overwhelmed and sad and i got triggered and augh #i miss the color pink. #this whole pic was gonna be all different shades of pink but then i couldnt do it #had to change the colors #i tried watching lars and the real girl by myself and yknow theres the whole pink room thing #im trying to associate it with barbie but god it just . feels fresh. had to turn it off #seeing my abuser twice in a short timeframe is kind of fucking me up :) hello. why do u exist and why do i have to see it. #but hey i did use SOME pink in here?? baby steps??? i feel stupid but whatever #you know pink used to be one of my favorite colors #i will get it back even if its gonna be an ugly fight the entire time #cant get into the ring and complain about getting hit. or however ryan phrases it #idk if that applies to reclaiming triggers but rahhhhh #if steven can be fine with papyrus after 15 fuckin years i can be fine with pink someday too #lars wouldnt think im stupid. i mean i'd hope not???? maybe he would. its stupid #its a really stupid trigger lol who gets scared of the color pink. me apparently #i get the fight or flight response when seeing a color or clothing or hearing phrases #i dont feel like i can function like a normal person even after a whole year #i feel like i am barely surviving and my entire life was taken away from me #and i cant do anything about it but just sit here with my heart ripped out of my chest #while my abuser is . fine. and has friends and family and support and alllll of my TF F/Os #and absolutely zero consequences for what she maliciously had done to me. okie dokie!!!!! #i feel like the last 19 months havent passed. i feel like i am not in my body sometimes #like i am a husk and someone else is controlling me but im actually dead or something #i dont feel like time is passing. idk how to explain it. i feel like my life is stolen #i feel like i am losing years of my life to trauma. like the ghost of me is left behind while the world is moving forward #everyone is present and moving but i am like... barely functioning thru flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks #and i dont know when im ever going to fully escape the person who did this to me

[willowser]

hi willow 👉🏾👈🏾, i have a writing question if you don’t mind me asking. how do you personally write with such detail??? i find it so challenging to make my writing consice and to the point but also interesting without dragging unnecessary descriptions out, and you can only use so many adverbs without them becoming annoying. i know writing is inherently telling, but how can you still show the readers without being too boring or over-descriptive?

hi kennie, friend !! i don't mind you asking at all, though i don't know if i'm the best person to ask alkfhagha also i didn't know how to get all my thoughts together enough to type out (read: eepy....) so have these two voice notes instead LOL

#i considered reading an example from the book i have on my desk bc i think i'm really bad at explaining but #that felt like too much LOL #anyway i hope this helps you at all !! idk if it will !! #but i think stories that really stick with me for a long time always have relatable description #i read it and i can just feel exactly what they mean and how they feel and it feels so personal to me #also art doesn't have rules and you can do whatever you want and whatever you think will tell your story best !!! #adverbs..........i have a deeply personal relationship with them............................................we have much history........ #all this to say i wish i added more description to my writing but it's hard LOL !!!! #✿ ask willow

[asterroses]

also quick question to those that play ifs - do u prefer for romanceables to be gender selectable or do u prefer set genders ? i only ask bcus my 3 romanceables have set genders n i rllyyyy don't think i can change them

#idk how to explain doves gender they r just dove to me #but my two others r a trans man and a cis woman #if it helps everyone is bisexual [i mean it literally . they all are bi] #i just dunno what ppl prefer or if having set genders for romanceables is like a Bad Call or whatever #dannie.txt #actually dove is most likely nonbinary but . i kinda just dont label them in my head . but i think theyd be under that umbrella

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#rrrrrrgfhfhfhfhf worked myself up into the Art Block Brain Funk again =__= #i feel like... i don't know if i know how to explain the feeling I'm dealing with #like when I'm doing other things the idea of drawing or writing seems appealing #but as soon as i have the opportunity to sit down and maybe start/work on something... #i just feel like... what's the point :| #i don't feel like i have anything to say anymore. I don't feel like i make art that means anything #i know on my last sketch i said i was trying to reacclimate to making ''pointless art'' but. why would i want to #why spend the time and mental effort if it doesn't make me feel anything. it's not going to make anyone else feel anything #and i feel like I'm treading dangerously close to ''well i don't want to make art if it doesn't get lots of views :((('' #but that's not really it. or not entirely at least.... idk #i don't know how else to characterize it except everything in my head feels shallow. #like why would i expect this (whatever it is) to warrant or deserve anyone else's attention. why would i deserve that #what do i really think i can add to the conversation

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

noooo you can let me describe the doctors body trust me i totally wont be weird about it this time

#me explaining why the doctor is hot: well theyre old enough to be my messiah so jot that down #also a body thats died many times #me opening the powerpoint: so before we begin hands up how many of you have spent more time than you should thinking abt jesus' body #church was like and this is body of christ and me being 7 and autistic took that in every way they DIDNT mean #anyway sorry yaz not sure what exactly the sin is here but im pretty sure uhhh it is one #its usually the master doing this #but yaz is taking the masters place in this fic so #that tracks i guess #gonna have to figure out how to take the pronouns out of this too #also look at the third person/second person flipflopping #i do that kind of a lot but i realised in this paragraph maybe thats because..........there isnt a third person imperative uhh mode? #is that a mode we call that idk #there ISNT a third person imperative right? thats just second person? #i think so #but its interesting bc thats like the main way my narration flipflops #idk if thats like bad. bad writer habit or whatever #if it is i dont really care #it doesnt bother ME so #idk if it bothers anyone else #one time i had a fun paragraph in the doctors pov where it went from its standard 3rd to 2nd to 1st. 1st plural i think #and then Back to 3rd distance yourself from yourself dont get too close #anyway

[whumpacabra]

48. Fastforward

Fluff, timeskip [10-15 years], cold temperatures, dog mention, referenced memory issues, referenced protectiveness, referenced legal proceedings, referenced past character death, fictional politics

AU Masterpost / Previous

“One hot chocolate, extra cream, and one black coffee, two sugars.”

“That’s me - thanks!” Harrison perked up, snagging the drinks from the counter with a polite smile. The barista gave him a wink. “I hope it goes well. He’s quite handsome.”

Harrison flushed, thankful his dark skin helped hide the blush as he thanked her again and left the cafe.

Wolf was waiting outside, Jakki, his service dog, sitting patiently on the snowy sidewalk.

“That was faster than expected.” Wolf hummed, walking with Harrison toward the park. Harrison sipped at his drink, mittened hands a bit clumsy.

“Yeah, I think the barista rushed it - she thought I was taking you on a date or something.” His laugh wasn’t quite genuine, and he knew Wolf could tell.

“I guess it kind of is. In more of a ‘long time, no see’ date than a first date way.” Wolf paused, Jakki tense at his side as a snowball whizzed past his face. A few university students engaged in the first shots of a snowball fight hollered apologies and politely held their fire until Harrison, Wolf, and the dog had made their way past the danger zone.

“Speaking of, how’s Finland?”

“Colder than here in Geneva, if you can imagine.”

“Ugh, I’d rather not. It’s cold enough here as it is.” He didn’t miss the desert, but he wasn’t fond of the icy air this time of year.

“How’s Katie and Awesome?”

“Good - great, honestly. They’re thinking of signing up for Doctors Without Borders for a bit, once Eli’s at his new boarding school fulltime.” A sad smile twitched at Harrison’s face, both at the current prospects and the nephew named for a dear dead friend.

(Somehow, despite everything - the court case of the century, the US tried in The Hague - the truth of Elias’ death never came up. Nor did Merrick’s, for that matter. Harrison tried not to dwell on it; his hands and Wolf’s both bloodied, but no good would come from guilt now.)

“How’s Mel? I heard she was back in the States recently.”

“Yeah, doing reparation work out there with Jennings and the nations. Walker’s there too, mostly just to keep on eye out I think, but she’d say it’s a vacation.”

“Once an agent, always an agent.” Wolf huffed, breath puffing white in the clean, cold air. His face was rounder, more color in his face than Harrison ever remembered. No matter how dark and dreary Finland was, somehow Wolf always looked fresh from a trip to the Mediterranean.

“How about you? How are things going with…?”

“Good. Better.” His smile wasn't quite genuine, and he knew Harrison could tell. “Memory is back, mostly. On good days. Jakki’s been a good help for bad ones.”

The Australian blue heeler perked at her name, but still seriously scanned their surroundings. Her vest was a vibrant neon orange, insulated against the cold.

“And how’s everyone else up there?” Harrison wasn’t sure what details Wolf could spare. He was vaguely aware that Liza, and Casey to an extent, couldn’t quite leave behind their grifts and cons. RJ was a bit of a wildcard, either deeply invested in some obscure hobby or casually taking assassination jobs. He sincerely hoped it was the former. And Ghost…

“They’re fine. Case and RJ are out in the Canary Islands with Liza - retirement party for her. Or so she promises. For real this time.” Wolf shook his head with a smile, dark hair shining and snow speckled. His smile faded a bit. “And Ghost…he’s trying.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Harrison took a long sip from his drink, busying himself with watching the ice rink. There were dozens of skaters, some elegant and some markedly less so.

“He’s just…protective is all. Maybe a bit paranoid. And smothering.” Wolf was clearly trying to work humor into his words, so Harrison offered a snort of amusement. “I’ve been arguing with him about this trip for two months.”

“Really?” Harrison raised a brow. He knew the old mercenary was…still dealing with the guilt of what had happened to his former friend and protege. Harrison didn’t realize quite how badly he was overcompensating for lost time.

“Arguing might be too strong a word, but he certainly took some convincing.” Wolf sipped at his coffee. “But we both agreed we could use some…space.”

“If there’s anything I can help with, let me know.” The words were almost automatic. Harrison didn’t even need to say them - it was a given. The two families - one (mostly) civilian, one (not entirely) criminal - had each others’ back over the years, from legal paperwork to therapy sessions.

“I appreciate that, Harrison.” Wolf sighed, leaning into him slightly where they stood watching the skating rink. Jakki huffed at a stranger who passed a little too closely. “I was actually thinking about - if you don’t mind - living down here for a while.”

“Yes - yeah, sure. That’s fine. I mean, hey, if Katie and Awesome do go abroad for a bit I wouldn’t mind having someone else in the house.” Harrison smiled up at him, hoping his excitement and relief wasn’t too noticeable. The way Wolf smiled down at him proved it was, but he didn’t care too much.

“Ghost will want to visit. Often, unfortunately.” The warning in Wolf’s voice was joking.

“We’ve got a guest bedroom. I mean, assuming you don’t mind sharing a room with me or - ”

“I’d like that.” Wolf’s voice was soft, a gloved hand gently taking hold of Harrison’s own mittened fingers. Harrison squeezed back, not letting go even as they started walking home.

AU Masterpost / Previous

(An AU of my Freelancers series)

Taglist: @i-eat-worlds @whumpy-daydreams @stargeode

#whump #fluff #recovery #post timeskip #cold temperatures #memory issues #protectiveness #past character death #fictional politics #idk how to tag for wolf+Harrison’s queer platonic whatever they’ve got going on. #freelancers au #…I wanna do a behind the scenes post abt this au later #a writer I adore did one with cut scenes+explaining Easter eggs and stuff and I LOVED it #it’s just….too much to put in the tags. what this au means to me. all the little details it feels like only I know about. the stuff I cut. #this has been…wild. and fun. and so so cathartic. I appreciate any of y’all reading along to this personal pet project of mine :]

[maddy-ferguson]

i saw someone say they were hoping noah would apologize and it's just kinda fascinating to me...if he thought zionism was sexy on monday (or i guess on sunday probably and for many days and weeks before that) why would he suddenly think it's an awful ideology on friday?

#and like i say: brf slt #i think people found out what zionism was like three weeks ago and think it's a slur or something when like #no it's an actual ideology it doesn't just mean killing and displacing an entire people that's only what ends up happening when you...put #the plan into motion. but yk #i would say zionism can mean one of three things: supporting the establishment of a jewish state. supporting the state of israel #specifically. supporting whatever awful thing the israeli government/army is up to that day #i saw someone get yelled at in the replies of a post because they were saying this when they were literally right? it was a post about noah #so again i'm assuming people don't know what they're talking about because. they don't. lol #and like obviously proudly being a zionist rn and being like zionism is sexy while israel is bombing people in the name of zionism after #killing and displacing people for decades in the name of zionism can only mean that you condone all that. but idk. i didn't like the way #people talked to that person WHO WAS LITERALLY RIGHT when they were probably the same people who were saying no going to israel and saying #you love it there doesn't mean anything at all this summer #and about the apology. lmao. i've seen people say the same thing about timothée chalamet on twitter and like yeah if he thought the hamas #joke was funny on saturday why would he be like omg nooooo this is really unfunny on monday. i'm not saying you can't expect anyone to #apologize for anything ever but celebrity apologies...................lmao. even when they do apologize it's always like i'm sorry #you're offended not i'm sorry for doing it #and explain to me how or why you would expect noah to be like sorry i didn't mean that zionism was a good thing. like what about his track #record would make you think he'd change his mind😭 if he ever realizes how wrong he is it definitely will not be now #and people saying that video should get him fired is like. brett gelman posted something about how if you don't get called a racist on the #internet once a day you're doing something wrong and you think they're gonna fire noah for being around stickers that say 'this ideology we #the creator+producer of the show subscribe to is sexy' and 'this organization we have decided has beheaded 40 babies and we're so #sure of that we repeated the lie in our open letter thanking the president who corroborated that lie is isis'. like they agree with him #i'm not defending anything btw i'm just saying why the fuck would you expect him to be like oh my bad you're right and apologize😭

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

#mine #yandere #yancore #yandere vent #oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy #its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking #the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with #my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in #a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear #of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right #youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person #this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for #their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are. #i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think #idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight #its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU #but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway #if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test #die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said #this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten #with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like #we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it. #because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!! #like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business #clearly they did not grow up italian 💀 #clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything #anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist #advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours #and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves. #if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad??? #which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended??? #but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????'' #even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out) #but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender) #and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender) #was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing. #so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

[bredforloyalty]

someone in the comments saying that it's obviously gonna resonate more (emotionally) if the guy who wrote it is singing it

#idk that got to me. i do like the album version and ig i never. thought about what it might mean to noel #and i've not heard him sing it before #so i suppose that's right. i suppose #and like... most oasis songs are noel songs but i didn't think of that as a noel song! my bad #adding something: actually i'm realizing fhat i think of some (a lot) of his songs as just songs 💀 they fell out of the sky as he said #and i feel like. i mean i know a lot of them are written with universality in mind. and they come off like that #so they won't feel so personal. ironically‚ because the point is everyone's supposed to relate.. well i connect less because it belongs to #everyone y'know like how.. when the bystander effect takes place and the responsibility is distributed between all the people so no one act #and this ofc does not fully cover or explain insanely complicated mental processes or group dynamics but how i think of it sometimes is tha #that's because they get only a little of the responsibility! lol it's spread far so it wears thin. that's the image that links these #concepts. or whatever...... #anyway yeah that's how i feel about 'universal' ..! seems a bit constrained at times + i think the personal can be just as universal #sells more records though don't it. cosmic pop. etc #kata.txt #oasis

[lupismaris]

Tbh there's nothing quite like getting roped (pun intended) into watching a truly mediocre show that can only be described as a Trainwreck fueled by racism and abuse.

#theres enough legitimate potential that im irritated about it but the rest is just a perfect mix of everything systemically wrong #with white men in film/tv writing esp in the genre AND its a great example on just what not to do in imo for good screen/story writing #will i watch further nah only if BF needs a PT binge again but augh #what i will say is in theory it also has the benefit. if you pay attention (tho id want to research it). #of examining and explaining how bad people in the 1% get away with shit. like the long short or whatever the movie was called #but without any pay off or grace or anything of substance #and without anything shows like leverage have going for it #so you like. learn pieces potentially of how these horrific businesses operate to butcher communities and land and communities #whether its legit idk but it's one redemption or would be if there was any satisfaction in it. but there isn't because it gets drowned out #in the constant flood of conflict per episode. i mean the quota of misery and conflict per episode is impossible to meant the tension #is untenable and cannot be maintained so you end up not caring when you should be caring and the emotional moments are no longer emotional #and the interesting things you could be picking up along the way and the foreshadowing get drowned in top much (sometimes literal) bullshit #anyway. two cents on a mediocre racist show about abusive rich white men written by rich white men that could been something.

[emdotcom]

I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.

#em.txt #now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh #so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit #this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free #& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this #that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god #he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through? #to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works #you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for. #this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials #ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time #i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game #it's compelling in a way few games are to me. #i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play #rather than what you do. #man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now #this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot #& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch #& that's not fun. that's mean. #i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around #cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher. #if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too #but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties #listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #emetophobia tw #vent post #<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now #anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised #I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow #anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense #but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much #it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely #but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future #idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever #also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar #even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything #but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that'' #like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either #being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder #because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters #and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion #a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit'' #anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine'' #or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it

[mrfoox]

.... OK I really hope I can keep this dude ♥

#miranda talking shit #Like... I just want him around me... Yeah. First visit I thought it may be how I felt. Now I'm like lol yeah #8+ hour visit later... Not even that I just... Am being used for sx like we talk so much #We talked about past experiences and love and children etc. Like... I guess we just vibe. Or rather I feel like we do #We make each other laugh and he seem to want to touch me and want to tell me about things #He talked about metal (or we about music but I'm not a metal head so) and he played songs for me #He found my reactions to them funny. Some song did some guitar thing and I was like “woah!” #He laughed and after the song went into explaining what it was. How it was done and such #“i wonder what you think about this... Or... Well maybe you won't care. But I think you may find it interesting?” #Me already clawing at the phone: yes yes I'm interested show me!!! #I love having people show me things willingly. Like even if it's embarrassing or whatever like hey I am going to love it #He showed Warhammer figures he had painted and talked about that #I love hearing people info dump like omgggg hiiii tell me everything uwu #I took up the... Idea of being fwb and being like... Exclusive about it. And he was like “I mean... I haven't really been seeing anyone els #Mainly bc I don't want to and bc it's so... -makes eye contact with me-“ me: tiring?”-deep sigh-yes so tiring.... “ #He shared a lot of personal things in general and one thing in detail he definitely didn't have to #I mean I casually say I got daddy issues but that's like... Yeah my dad never cared for me and my siblings that's just how it is ya know #Idk man. Been a while I... Felt so... At ease and.... Open so quick with anyone. I liked Linus quick but not in this way #I hope I get to keep him around me for more... Like he's.... I think we have things in common but we are definitely still different enough #Want to learn everything I can about him. Plus he let's me be... Overly affectionate and serviceing him like an doting mom (how I want to #Treat everyone in my life but I know majority don't accept it). I get to bring him a drink and help him get dressed to go outside #Men who just goes along with how I want to express affection and not hate it is great #I mean. I don't think he have been touched this... Affectionately before either. I'm very intense and like.... Yeah it's like I'm in love #With you. Sorry I'm stroking your face and looking into your eyes and all :/ #He just smiles. Me with basically heart shaped eyes and he's like: :) #Some nerdy brunette: hi (: me: omg? Spend all your free time with me???