#idk maybe I should just take a vote at this point or get advice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleeping-on-cracking-ice · 3 years

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IDK if your taking requests 🥺👉👈 But if it's open... Could you maybe write an imagine with chishiya, where Niragi trys to get under his skin by making chishiya's s/o uncomfortable 😱

Cruel Entertainment | Shuntaro Chishiya (ft. Suguru Niragi)

{AIB Masterlist}

Summary: Niragi scares you and Chishiya gets defensive

Warnings(s): murder, blood, threatening, swearing, Niragi being a murderous bastard (as usual)

Word Count: 1.8k

*reader is gender-neutral

(A/N): this went down a more different plot than this, but this scenario is a element of it

“Look I don’t mean to complain, but this seems really unnecessary,”

All eyes in the meeting room turned to your figure sitting on the edge of the table. The silence that followed your statement felt personal, making you frown slightly at the annoyed faces that the militants seemed to hold.

Aguni had suggested the executives and the militants comes together for a meeting in order to discuss moving some militants up further on the number tags.

“How is this unnecessary Y/N?” Aguni spoke up, leaning forward on the table and resting his arms. His dead eyes met yours down the other head of the table, making you grow slightly nervous at the number of eyes that were on you.

Before you spoke up, your eyes flickered towards that of Chishiya’s, your boyfriend. When he caught your glance, he lifted a subtle hand to his throat and gave a gesture to tell you to be quiet.

Ever since Hatter had died and Aguni had taken over, your right to speak your mind had been diminishing, but you weren’t going to give it up as easy as the others seemed to have.

You gulped before turning back to Aguni, deciding to ignore Chishiya’s advice. If no one else had the tits to say something, then you would.

“Why are you moving your militants to a higher ranking? Everything was going fine until you came into power,” you started, keeping a stoic expression on that heavily contradicted your inner emotions.

Aguni raised an eyebrow and looked towards the right side of the table, where his second in command Niragi sat. The imperious man smirked at cocked an eyebrow at your words, making you feel uneasy.

“Is that so?” Aguni spoke in a creepily deep tone and leant back from the table, resting in his chair.

You nodded, keeping eye contact. “Don’t listen to me or whatever Aguni, but we don’t exactly know what will happen when we collect all the cards. I know you’d hate to admit it, but I think moving the numbers for your murderous ‘besties’ so they can escape the Borderlands quicker isn’t your intention here.”

You swore you were suffocating on the air in the room. You could smell the tension between your words and the rest of the executives. It was making Chishiya’s leg shake underneath the table and his eyes roll into the back of his head at your naiveness.

Furthermore, without your knowledge, to Niragi, your forehead seemed like a perfect target at that moment.

“Y-you know, Y/N has a point,” a young girl voiced up, making all eyes shift off of you for a quick moment. She sat a few seats down, holding her head slightly low and speaking in a quiet voice. “Perhaps we should vote on things rather than just immediately putting them in place though. If we do that, The Beach would be more democratic.”

You silently thanked her in your head and turned back to Aguni, but his stoic expression didn’t seem to change.

“Alright,” he said casually as he stood up. Looking over the table and the people at it, all silent, he spoke up. “Anyone that agrees with Y/N, raise your hand high.”

You glanced around the table with a slightly desperate look in your eye, hoping at least someone put their hand up. After a few tense seconds, the young girl who spoke put her hand up, followed by a middle-aged man sitting to the right of you and a few others.

You looked at Chishiya, not knowing what to do. He had himself tucked further in his white hoodie, hair hiding his eyes and trying to look as invisible as possible. He gave you a warning stare, shaking his head ‘no’ towards you.

You frowned, confused that he wasn’t contributing. Usually, he wouldn’t hesitate to stir some drama up between the executives and the militants, so it was out of character for him.

Furthermore, the lack of agreements from other executives like Ann and Mira was throwing you off. Knowing their good nature, they wouldn’t allow everything that Hatter had built to suddenly fall to murderous men. They kept their heads low, just like Chishiya, playing with their hands and trying to be as uninvolved as possible.

And soon enough, you realised why.

“Fine,” Aguni said, eyeing the four people that put their hand up in favour of you. You didn’t know too many of them personally, as they hadn’t been at The Beach for long. They were either high ranking players or random contributors to the executives.

“Niragi?” Aguni said, nodding towards the tall male.

Niragi hummed in acknowledgment and stood up quickly, not wasting a second before aiming his rifle towards the young girl and firing.

The blast of blood that fell onto your face made you freeze, realising what you had done.

“WAIT!” you screamed, standing from your seat and screaming towards Niragi. But your cry did nothing as he turned towards the man next to you and fired once again.

You ducked in fear that he was aiming at you, falling to the floor. The sound of bullet meeting bone filled your ear, and you glanced to the side to see the limp body of the man, eyes wide and hole in his bloodied forehead.

The rest of the people that voted in your favour had either dropped their head to the table in defeat or had done the same as you and fallen to the ground to hide behind the table, but Niragi stopped firing once he was sure the man was dead.

You stood from the ground and sat back down in your chair, eyes wide and breathing heavy. You could feel your heartbeat in your head, and your hands shook violently. You attempted to hide it by lacing your fingers together and squeezing, placing them on the table.

You didn’t dare look towards Aguni but glanced towards Chishiya towards the other end. He held wide eyes and shaking hands, staring at you and putting his index finger to his lips in a gesture to make you stay quiet. You nodded lightly.

Niragi let out a loud laugh and stepped out from around his chair, making his way towards you down the end of the table. You didn’t dare move.

“See what happens when you speak your mind!” he exclaimed, coming up behind you and placing a harsh hand on your shoulder. You jumped at the sudden impact and your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

Not being impressed by your lack of reaction, Niragi gripped your hair and pulled your head back so you made eye contact with him. He leant forward over you, looking you dead in the eyes as you yelped from his harsh hold on you.

“Maybe, you should learn to shut the fuck up for once kitten,” he growled into your face, making you cringe from his hot breath on your skin. “That mouth of yours could get you in a lot of trouble.”

Chishiya shook in his seat, hand gripping the end of the table harshly at the sight of his S/O getting tormented. A million thoughts were racing through his mind, trying to think of something that he could do to help you but not endanger anyone else.

He looked towards Niragi, noticing the dark-haired man’s eyes flicker towards him from you. Just as he did so, he noticed Niragi running a hand down the side of your neck, making you flinch heavily. The humiliation of this happening in front of your peers was unbearable, more so in front of Chishiya.

“Niragi,” the blonde stood up, having had enough. Niragi pulled himself away from you, looking towards Chishiya’s tense body with a smirk on his face.

“It’s okay, you can leave them alone,” Chishiya said with a monotone tone, trying to seem calm. “They’ve learnt their lesson.”

The mere sight of seeing the murderous man near you was enough to make Chishiya’s heart rate quicken. Although he doesn’t seem it, he’s a very nervous person, especially when it came to your safety.

Niragi doesn’t move, contemplating what he should do as he kept a firm grip on your shoulder. You were frozen beneath him, wincing at the growing strength he was applying to your collarbones.

He let go, allowing you to let out a large breath. “Fine, save your little toy then Shuntaro,” he grumbled in annoyance and moving back to his seat. He knew that if he had a bigger scene than it already was in front of Aguni, he could perhaps lose his control as second-in-command.

You held your head down in humiliation, not daring to look up for the rest of the meeting, not even towards Chishiya, who was trying to get your attention to check that you were okay. After that shit-show, you made sure not to attract unwanted attention.

After the meeting, you didn’t even get a chance to stand up properly before Chishiya grabbed your hand and dragged you out into the hall. He pulled you towards an open balcony to escape anyone else that was around before turning around and facing you.

“Let me see you,” he demanded, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Your neck. Did he hurt you?” he asked frantically while pushing your chin up to look at the skin on your neck to see if there were any bruises. You shook your head and pushed his hands away.

“I’m fine Chishiya,” you insisted. But the way that you stared at the ground wasn’t convincing.

“...I killed them... didn’t I?” you croaked out, fiddling with the skin of your hands. The blood from the two innocent people Niragi had murdered was stained along your skin, making you feel physically sick. You almost wished Niragi had just shot you instead of the other two. It was you who spoke up anyway.

Chishiya sighed heavily and brought his hand to your face, holding your cheek in his palm. You felt slight tears run down your face, causing you to quickly wipe them away.

“Y/N, people are always going to die. You can’t stop it,” he said, running his thumb across your cheekbone. “That wasn’t your fault. They had the choice to not put their hand up.”

You nodded, trying to convince yourself it’s not your fault.

“But for now, we need to focus on our own safety,” Chishiya said, making you shift your gaze from the ground to his eyes. “We need to make sure we’re prepared to leave if any of the militants come after us within the next few days.”

Chishiya held your face in both of his hands and brought your lips together for a quick kiss, making more tears fall from your face at the comforting feeling of his warmth.

When he pulled away, he gave a sad smile and pulled you in for a hug, tucking your face into his shoulder by pushing on your head. “Make sure you stay by my side. Don’t worry, I won’t let Niragi get anywhere near you.”

(A/N): I’m sorryyyyy i know this isn’t that good. i rly need to rewatch some aib again cause it’s been ages since i last watched anything from it alsjldkajslja

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r0h1rr1m · 4 years

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rambly inception thoughts p.2

this has been kicked off, specifically, by disliking that i failed to include yusuf in this post but there’s already so much going on there re: exact limits/mechanics of imagination in dreams, how to call down projections, moral relativism, crack chara psych, and speculating on the future of ari’s career--and i explained most of it poorly anyway so it’s probably for the best!

to start with, i’ve always imagined that there’s a huge variety in the caliber/class of chemist u can hire in dreamshare. the title probably applies even to people whose capability starts and stops at sourcing base product for somnacin and/or the finished drug. the next level up can maybe mix up different kinds to standard specifications. idk how much education/training u’d need to be able to do this, bc i v much do not chemistry, but i’d bet there’s a lot of variety in ppl’s qualifications in this category, too. a standard formula might affect different ppl slightly differently, like any psychotropic drug (is that even the most sensible analogy to real-world science? idk and i don’t want to risk hours of ultimately fruitless wikipedia spiralling), but in the same vein, the variances will all probably fall within a reasonable range of the same functionality. without, like, some sort of neuro degree, probably, the most fine-tuning a chemist could do is optimize doses/known variants of the drug through trial and error in preparation for a job.

our man yusuf definitely has a high-level neuro degree

so, just like the rest of the team, yusuf is obviously a total powerhouse in his field. like i said, it must take sophisticated knowledge of brain chemistry in order to do what he did on the fischer job, as well as the same mad genius as the rest of them. (as an aside, can i just say how utterly delightful a team dynamic is “group of geniuses who surround themselves with enough people who are the same kind of batshit to normalize it”? i’m weak) and idk how someone gets famous in like neurochem but yusuf is so brilliant he was probably p well known. js imagine the comedic potential of whatever rising-star chemist meeting yusuf and js going dr. ____?! who published those completely revolutionary but completely balls-to-the-wall studies on x and then after throwing the discipline into an uproar either a) dropped off the face of the earth and is now known as smth of an urban legend/cryptid in the community or b) still corresponds w experts in the field but now about the wildest shit and ppl kind of have to mythologize/not think too hard abt the dude who walks in ppl’s heads in order not to risk js breaking everything

so yusuf knows his shit and his initial assertion that 3 levels is impossible can be trusted to carry a lot of weight. which means the fact that he proceeded to do it more than secures his place in the cast of demonstrable prodigies

now, bc this is ostensibly a continuation of a post that’s loosely focused on charas’ moralities, let’s look at the 2 parts of the movie where we most directly confront yusuf’s: his dream den and hiding the sedation from the team. i’m going with the assumption that any legitimate/legal research and application of dreamshare has been discontinued.

come yell at me for over oversimplifying, but that makes the question of the dream den seem p straight-forward. yusuf faced giving up dreamshare research (or came onto the scene after it was already illegal, which could make for some rly interesting stories abt how he would’ve found out abt it) and couldn’t, so he had to find a way to continue on his own. and since it would be in rly bad faith to assume he doesn’t have the full consent of all his test subjects, that’s js that. (i’m not going to argue abt the difference b/w ethics and morals, and i’m laughably unqualified to discuss the ethics of human experimentation anyway so moving on)

hiding the fact that the team was sedated was a major plot point and is discussed w according frequency, so i’m sure most ppl have their own opinions abt what this says abt the parties involved. i’ll readily admit that my view is heavily colored by the fact that i js plain like yusuf. he’s a likeable guy. (i’ll try not to go off on a tangent, but i know that my reasons for disliking cobb are a little unfair; it’s more about narrative structure than any of his personal failings. the fact is i have a weakness for hypercompetence, and cobb is presented as someone who used to be the best, but is no longer reliable. he shows flashes of his old brilliance running the mr. charles gambit successfully and improvising capitalizing on the appearance of fisher’s browning projection on l2, but he’s desperate enough to be untrustworthy and further, he’s untrustworthy in a way that is eminently predictable by the audience. we know from the get-go that his shade is gonna sabotage something, and it’s hard not to blame him for that. we also know from the get-go that he’s desperate enough to drag other ppl into a fool’s mission, and that he’s hiding something dangerous from arthur, who by all appearances should be the person cobb can trust, and the person to whom it’s most important to know that kind of shit. i’m not gonna pretend i anticipated that big twist in the parking garage on l1, but it makes a ton of sense in retrospect and all this makes it easy to see why cobb is so widely mistrusted/disliked by the fandom. and i went off on a tangent, whoops.)

so picking back up at yusuf is a likeable guy--he seems p friendly and easy-going and i thoroughly enjoyed every scene of him on l1. i’m gonna say a lot of his moral considerations come in the form of deciding what is or isn’t his responsibility. mbe he avoided or suitably resolved the thorny ethical question of human experimentation in the same way i kind of did: by saying that the participants agreed to it on their own and leaving it there. this kind of reasoning is how he would’ve let cobb take responsibility for sedating and then informing the team. it’s also probably how he decided to cue the kick early on l1 and make it everyone else’s problem. which i do think was the right decision! it would be absurd to suggest that this highly intelligent man’s patterns of reasoning are always questionable. but i do see a pattern.

as for the advice he’d give ari, i think a lot of this relates back to my mention in the earlier post of whether or not she could let an institution/legislation dictate her ethics to her. i’ve since decided that it’s simpler to assume the institutions are all outside the law, though, so i’m not going to think abt that anymore unless directly prompted. one thing we do know abt ari, though, in contrast to my suppositions abt yusuf, is that she has a v strong sense of responsibility. she took it upon herself to manage cobb, and she took it upon herself to save the job, fisher, saito, and cobb when it looked like everything had been ruined. thinking abt it now, this makes for further interesting contrast w arthur, whose sense of responsibility seems to revolve around personal loyalty, eames, whose sense of responsibility is acutely pragmatic, and saito, whose sense of responsibility is on the grand scale of stopping a monopoly (suitably ironic).

again, idk if i’ve rly made any kind of point, and now i want to go back and build elaborate hierarchies of skill in each job description (architect, extractor, etc) like i kind of did for chemists but, well. if u made it this far bless u, i hope u have a wonderful day. vote

#inception #yusuf #ariadne #arthur #eames #saito #if u haven't check out p.1 cus there's a lot there that i never rly expanded but am figuring out how to #running my mouth #yes absolutely #dom cobb

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tracle0 · 4 years

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WIP Bops Tag

So I got tagged for.... two music/listening related games in the span of two days so I will. Do both in one to save myself idk making another post lmao

First one: I think you just list things you’ve been listening to. Maybe the last ten things you listened to? I don’t know man. Tagged by the wonderful @kaatiba thank you boo

I have been listening to...

Cloud Cult - I stand by the fact that Cloud Cult 500% have the best bops for apparently all my wips. ‘Time Machine Invention’ is peak Leon, don’t try and tell me otherwise. ‘It’s Your Decision’ gives me big Percival vibes. ‘Good Friend’ apparently works for every single WIP I have because I write about friends too much.

Night Vale - I missed Night Vale ok. I’ve listened to it all already, but I wanted to hear the Strexcorp arc again, and the liveshow and Carlos man. Carlos.

I’ll Follow You Into The Dark - isolated song, but I have been listening to it over and over again, because it’s somehow playing my heart strings rather than a guitar. I am obsessed with this song. I learnt it on the ukuele as soon as I could. Major Mika vibes. Made me realise ‘ohhh he’s Catholic ain’t he’ and also made me figure out his friendship with Lynne more. Thanks, song.

Vienna Teng - someone else mentioned her recently, and I went ‘oh yeah I used to listen to her I should do that again’ the only memory I have of hearing her songs is. Not good. So I’m trying to get other memories down lmao.

I need to listen to...

Jake Parker Plagorised My Book which is a very cheerful subject. Quick run-down; Jake Parker is the creator of the yearly Inktober challenge. He plagorised the book of a black artist. I figured I should understand the Drama and then decide what I’ll do in October if not Inktober.

Okay that’s like five, good enough. Next tag game;

Rules: Share some songs that have inspired your WIP or characters, then tag some people to play! - tagged by @albatris thanks homie and I’ve decided I’m going to jump around between WIPs becuase I want to.

So first off I feel like the songs that first made me go ‘oh I could make a story out of this’ - DIAS spawned from ‘Hopeless Opus’ by Imagine Dragons. I got the idea for like. Two characters who were seperated for some reason, both regretting something, and went ‘okay! How.’ and my brain spat out Leon and Ant.

Whereas wip4 sort of spawned from both ‘On Melancholy Hill’ by Gorillaz, obviously, and also ‘Light a Roman Candle With Me’ by fun. And I cannot tell you at all why this story spawned from these songs. I think it was mostly... for Melancholy Hill, it gave me isolation vibes, and Roman Candle was more... a desperate reach for connection. wip4 has a focus on friendship. I guess that works?

DIAS again - ‘The Cave’ by Mumford and Sons is. Peak DIAS, not gonna lie. I have officially storyboarded out an entire animatic that is just the entire plot of DIAS to this song. Every verse sort of follows each act of DIAS and uhh

So make - your sirens song and sing - all you want I will not hear what you have to say

I can’t say why because major spoilers, but that lyric. Fits. Very well.

I mentioned ‘Time Machine Invention’ by Cloud Cult being a major Leon song, because it is, so I’ll talk about that here; Leon gets blown up at one point, and loses his leg. This, along with the fact he thinks Ant is dead, makes him Very Depressed. Vincent comes along like ‘hey dickhead stop being depressed’ except said in a slightly nicer way, and gives him a vote of confidence he needs to get up and try and fix one of the problems he has, that being the leg.

If we give this moment our fullest attention, we’ll just keep moving forward, with no need for going back.

Which is honestly, just really good life advice, but is also kinda Leon finally starting to let go of the guilt he has over possibly killing Ant and starting to live life without any new regrets.

wip4 again because this is getting long but I still have things to talk about; ‘Turn The Lights Off’ by Tally Hall is big It vibes, and I cannot tell you how but it does. I’m delighted to put ‘Holding Onto You’ by Twenty One Pilots as a major Keaton song, for the simple reason that Holding Onto You has tried to be a wip song for EVERY SINGLE wip, but it finally actually fits. Heck,

I’m taking over my body, back in control, no more shotty, I bet a lot of me was lost, t’s uncrossed and i’s undotted

is like. The first verse, and is also major Keaton being like ‘WOW WHAT THE HELL I WASLITERALLY DEAD UM WHAT’ and also the entire struggle against It. Fun times.

‘Hello, My Old Heart’ by The Oh Hello’s is a Big Percival Mood, and I can’t really explain why - extreme protectiveness over himself and trying to save himself??? Maybe. Uhh. I’ll give you an Abby song and then done with wip4 - ‘Icicles’ by The Scary Jokes fits her freakishly well. I just found out the artist is nonbinary, which is cool, but I’ll talk about that another day.

I can only be forgiven if I'm givin' myself up to you On a silver serving tray Must I bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth While our lovely company appears so entertained?

I think Abby recognises that she is in the wrong for a lot of the story, but also thinks that admitting this to Percival would sort of... reverse their roles? That he’d want revenge and would inflict the years of pain she’d put him through onto her. He wouldn’t but she doesn’t realise that. So ‘must I bear myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth’ is just. What she assumes she’d have to deal with.

Okay! Final song and it’s for DIAS and also for Simon cause we’re talking about villains okay. He’s got ‘The Greatest Show’ but specifically the cover by Panic! At The Disco. Simon is, to quote the lovely Summayah, ‘a dramatic fuck’ and this song is dramatic as fuck.

Don't fight it, it's comin' for you, runnin' at ya It's only this moment, don't care what comes after Your fever dream, can't you see it gettin' closer? Just surrender 'cause you feel the feelin' takin' over

Which is a pretty good way to explain Silvertongue commands and his general attitude to them, don’t you think?

I’m done now. I have more songs and entire playlists but I’m done, I’ve rambled enough, this is long. I will tag: @joyful-soul-collector @druidx73 @petrolstationflowers @scmalarky @the-starlight-chills and you sir, over there, please, tell me about songs.

#writerblr #tag game #songs #tagged in #id k man #was combining two tag games where I was bound to ramble a good idea?#maybe not #but we did it anyway and here is the result #congrats if you read this far this took me super long to type out for no reason lmao #if anyone wants the wip playlists they can have them #the dias one is the best of the two #because dias has been written and so I refine it constantly lmao #whereas the wip4 one is me going 'this kinda vibes chuck it in'#and when it's being written I'l be like 'oh I never used this song I shall remove it'#but yea if you wanna listen to them feel free lmao

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zankivich · 5 years

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The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 7

a/n: this is like my favorite chapter so far. I feel like I’ve been waiting this whole story to ge tot watch these two interact in this way. I hope it comes across as authentic. I worked really hard on the pacing for this story. You all have been incredibly kind to me lately with feedback for this story and I sincerely hope you keep it coming. It is without a doubt the brightest part of my days recently. Thank you so much for that. K bye.

WARNINGS: sex without a condom (gotta wrap it before you tap it). mentioned of white supremacy, racism, and micro-aggressions.

*Shawn’s point of view*

Nothing ever simultaneously works out. It never all gets to be perfect. His life had been a memoir with that exact theme and yet somehow he always let himself forget. Y/n leaves and he somehow has a date with her. A date. Not a hookup. Not some elaborate set up to make her cum. A date. With like conversation and personality. He hadn’t been on a date in years. And sure he knew he was really good at sex, but that didn’t mean shit about being able to actually hold a conversation. She was lightyears above him mentally, and he had no idea how he was going to manage to not fuck it up. But he had a date. She said yes. And that within itself was a win. So of course something in his life was going to have to go to shit. Hold that thought.

Brian makes it back sometime between his gym run and a shower. By the time he gets out, the asshole is sitting on his couch fucking up his kill rate on COD.

“Move over, jerkoff! And switch to two player.” He grunted plopping down on the couch beside him.

“Jeez, bro take it down a couple notches. I am nursing a hangover from the depths of hell over here.”

“Not my fault you can’t ever handle your liquor.”

“Well Melanie seemed to think I handled it just fine.”

“Melanie sounds like she’s still never had an orgasm before.”

Brian punched him in the bicep which only resulted in him returning the favor. Idiot.

“Not all of us sneak our hookups in in the middle of the night.”

He rolled his eyes fingers smashing on the controller.

“I didn’t sneak anyone. It’s my fucking apartment you idiot.”

“Yea, sure, whatever. Did you at least hook up with someone new?”

His fingers stumbled on the joystick, sending his player headfirst into a grenade. Lovely.

“No. No I didn’t.”

Brian looked over at him. “You fucked the same girl again?”

“I don’t think we should be equating Melanie and y/n here. y/n is a woman. A grown ass woman. Trust me, she never lets me forget.” He snorted.

“What is up with you and this chick? You never fuck the same person twice.”

He supposed now was as good a time as any. He actually was going to need shit for brains’ advice.

“I like her okay! I like her. And we hooked up last night but it was...it was different. I didn’t tell her what to do. I didn’t pull out any bells or whistles. I just...We just had sex. And she kissed me like she liked me too. So I asked her on a date.”

“A DATE?! I haven’t seen you go on a date since you were like a child!!”

“No shit, jackass. I’m going to need every fucking ounce of help I can get. And that includes your ass, unfortunately.”

“Stop pretending you don’t love me bitch. Now tell me how you plan to get a thirty year old woman who isn’t on drugs to actually enjoy spending time with your sorry ass.”

What are best friends for?

***

*y/n’s point of view*

y/n: I HAVE A DATE.

y/n: I NEED YOU HERE ASAP

Tiana: Oh shit. K. omw.

The last time you went on a date was in 2016, what some might call the beginning of Armageddon. After a slew of horrid dates, you had been completely and totally ready to throw in the towel. But then this cute guy came out of nowhere. He was nice, sweet, not very funny but in a way that made you laugh. He was also persistent enough to not take no for an answer, without it making you uncomfortable. No immediate red flags. So you went on the damn date. And all was well. It wasn’t an earth shattering date, but you weren’t not enjoying his company. And then it happened.

I just really think Trump will genuinely make America great again ya know?

You nearly choked on a piece of lettuce.

“Really bruh? In front of my salad?”

“No just hear me out though. Is he unorthodox, sure. But Hillary? Hillary and those emails. It just wouldn’t have worked.”

“I absolutely understand what you mean.”

“You do?” He smiled.

“Yep. CHECK PLEASE!”

“Bitch we do not have time for you to disassociate I am trying to make a wing here!” Tiana huffed.

You rolled your eyes and reached for your phone working to still your features so that Tianna could continue with your makeup.

y/n: Are you a republican?

Shawn: Well thank you for asking, I’ve had a lovely day. How was yours?

y/n: I’m serious.

Shawn: I’m Canadian.

“Shit. I’m so stupid.” You whined.

Tiana tugged at your chin. “Not stupid. But NOT still.”

“Sorry, ti.”

y/n: Would you have voted for Trump if you could have?

Shawn: No. No I wouldn’t have. What kind of a person do you think I am?

y/n: Idk. idk. I just needed to be sure. It never came up when you were tying my arms behind my back.

Shawn: You didn’t mention political discourse as one of your kinks. Is there something I should know before tonight?

y/n: No. It’s fine. I swear. Just haven’t been on a date in a really long time. And my last one didn’t go so well.

Shawn: It’s been a long time for me too. But I’d really like to have a go at it, if that’s okay with you?

y/n: yea, I’d like that. Should I meet you at your place still?

Shawn: Actually I’m gonna pick you up. I’ll be at your place at 7?

y/n: Oh. Okay.

“Hmmm.”

“Hmmm what? What’d he say?” Tiana asked.

“I’m not meeting at his place anymore. He’s picking me up.”

“Well where is he taking you?”

“If I knew that, Ti would I be sitting here in a ball of anxiety?!”

Tianna dropped her eyeliner brush and reach instead for the body lava. All hail Rihana.

“I sure hope he dicks you unconscious for a few hours. You have got to relax, sis.” She giggled. “It’s going to be alright, okay? He likes you. You like him. Let that be enough for right now.”

“Okay. Okay. Just...make my titties sparkle? Please?”

“Lord, chile. You don’t pay me enough.” She snorted.

Friendship!

***

Shawn: I’m here. Do you want me to come up?

y/n: No need! Here I come.

Outside your apartment building is one of those SUV hummer situations that you only ever rode in when you were visiting one of your artists on tour. Shawn is standing outside the door of the vehicle, and you can’t help but pause right there in the middle of the sidewalk. He traded the black jeans for a black slack that hones in on the fact that he’s most definitely not wearing a chelsea boot for the first time ever. They’re dress shoes. Like proper, wing tips. And he’s wearing a short sleeve button up with yellow, black, and white stripes. There are enough buttons undone to see the way that his rosary necklace melted into the firmness of his chest nestled amongst the most sinful amount of chest hair. God, where the hell had they made this one at? And how the hell did he wind up at my front door?

“Hi.” He smiled, legs crossed and chest broad. “You look really beautiful.”

You peered down at the jumpsuit you’d picked out with Tiana’s help. It was a really pretty shimmery gold color and the entire back was cut out too. In hindsight, it didn’t seem nearly as impressive as to what he was wearing now.

“Thank you. You look pretty beautiful yourself. Really showed me up tonight.”

He laughed. “Yea, sure. Come on, it’s cold out. Let’s get going.”

In the car, there’s a bottle of champagne and one of the playlists that you recognized from Shawn’s apartment is playing softly in the background. He pours each of you a glass, your legs somehow knotting simply together on the floor of the car. It’s weird in that it’s not like a first date in the traditional sense. You put his balls in your mouth for one. He licked orgasms out of you like ice cream. But the nerves are still there. You find that you care about what he thinks of you, of how he feels about you. That’s new. And scary.

“So uh...where are we going?” You asked between sips of champagne.

He bites his lip and looks nervously over at you. It’s a new look for him. But one that you find solace in.

“Would you be angry at me if I said it was a surprise?”

You raised an eyebrow. “No. But I would be curious as to what that surprise is.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll know soon enough.”

“I think I heard that line one time. I think Hannibal Lector said it.”

He rolled his eyes and threw his head back and you wished it didn’t make you giggle, but it does.

“Funny.” He smirked hiding behind his glass. “I just wanna impress you a little bit. Is that okay?”

“You wanna impress lil ole me huh?” You smiled. “That’s sweet.”

“Just a little.”

He licked his bottom lip and his hand inched its way up your knee. He was warm. Way too warm to not have your body react a little. Rude.

“Whatever happened to your friend from the other morning? Am I taking you away from him?”

“Oh Brian?” He snickered. “He’s just happy he’s got my place to himself. He couldn’t believe I was going on a date at all.”

“Tiana either.” You snorted.

“Yea? She try and convince you not to go out with me?”

“She is...surprisingly Pro-you for some reason. Must have something to do with me not having enough time to be a bitch as work with our arrangement and everything.”

“Hmmm. Well it’s nice to know I’ve got one person on my team. Maybe by the end of the night I can win you over too.”

“Maybe.” You smiled.

The car eventually rolls to a stop, and you’re not even aware of how long you’ve been talking. All the nerves that you couldn’t actually be together without the sex part sort of faded away. He could make you laugh. He could hold your attention. And you could offer him the same. Just when you were starting to think that it was all going to be fine? Shawn came to open your door.

Your heels touched gently to the ground and you let him pull you from the car. Behind him was not a restaurant. Not a bar. Not even a fucking hotel. Nope. Instead you were stood right in front of Mendes Industries’ private jet and a fucking flight attendant with a bag in her hands that looks surprisngly like your Louis Vitton. Fucking Tiana.

“What the hell. Shawn, what the hell?!” You gasped. “What is this?”

“You were concerned about people seeing us right? Well no one’s gonna see us. No one but the locals.”

“The locals?! I can’t--I can’t just fly away with you Shawn. I have responsibilities. I have a--a job.”

He reached for your hands, which tended to do a lot of movement when you were flustered, and stilled them by placing them on his shoulders.

“Listen to me,” He murmured silencing you. “It’s already set. Tiana canceled all of your meetings for three days. It’s just three days. Look I...I really like you, okay? More so than I know what to do with right now. And I think that you like me too. Do you like me?”

“Y--Yea! Yea, of course I do. That’s not really the point is it?”

“It is. Just get on the plane. Please? I just wanna take you out. Let me take you out.”

You peered up at him, all soft brown eyes and chiseled everything else. He had really come along out of nowhere. It was incredibly disorientating, and intoxicating. You lived your life by a planner, a set time for every hour by the hour. And here he was asking you to throw that all away, to let yourself be something else for a chance. And it wasn’t all that different from what he asked of you in the bedroom. Just let go. Release.

You sighed. “You know when most guys ask to take a girl out? They don’t mean out of the state.”

“I’m not like other guys.” He shrugged.

“No shit. Where are you taking me, white boy?” You groaned letting him steer you towards the plane.

“Try to contain your excitement.” He snorted. “Remember that time we had sex in the back of a storage room during Khalid’s video shoot?”

You smiled awkwardly at the flight attendant and knocked your arm into his shoulder.

“Oh please. We’ve had this jet since I was fifteen. I’m almost positive my dad has done some incredibly sketchy shit on here. Martha knows all. Thank you Martha!”

He leads you to a seat. There’s more champagne. You don’t know how you got here. This man was wild.

“Get to the point, maybe?”

“Right. We hooked up in the storage closet, and you told me that story about how you missed your high school trip to Rome because your mom was having heart problems and couldn’t afford it with the medical bills? You had a Lizzie Mcguire fantasy and everything.”

“I was drunk that night. Khalid had just gotten his first number one.”

“So you don’t want me to take you to Rome?” He asked.

“ROME?!”

“Rome.”

“....Who are you?!”

He chuckled. “I’m just a guy standing here asking a girl to let me take her on a little trip.”

“Oh my god. He quotes romcoms. This is too much.”

“Just relax sweetheart. We’re about to do liftoff.”

Jesus Christ.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s a little worried that he may have broken her. Maybe it was too much too fast. He should’ve just taken her to fucking dinner like a normal person. The problem was he wasn’t normal. And she sure as hell wasn’t normal either. She was so different from anyone he’d ever been with before. He wanted to spend time with her. And the last thing in the world he wanted was her to think about his dad while she was with him. He could tell that it bothered her more than she was willing to admit, and he just needed them to be on equal footing. What said equal footing like going to a country where neither of them spoke the language. Tiana had given him the green light when she agreed to change y/n’s schedule around and even pack her a bag. It seemed like maybe it might go well.

She calms down after her first glass of champagne, and sits more comfortably into the seat next to him, her legs folded so that her knees poked gently at his thigh. She was closer, close enough for him to smell her perfume and he kind of loved it.

“So are first dates the one’s where we spill all of our dirty laundry, or is that the second one?” She asked.

He chuckled and laid his hand on her thigh. She smiles at him, so he doesn’t pull away.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Do your worst, woman.”

She situates herself a little more gently into the chair, chin propped up on her palm. He gets lost in the glitter on her collarbones and neck.

“Why haven’t you been on a date in a long time?” She asked.

Heavy first question. But he told her to do her worst.

“Well I uh...the last date I went on was with my girlfriend of about two years. And on said date she told me that she had been sleeping with a producer at Atlantic records for six months, and that he was going to share her demo. So, she didn’t need me anymore.” He shrugged around a sip of champagne.

“Two years? Two fucking years before she pulled that shit? That’s fucked.” She said. “I’m sorry.”

“Yea. It was really heavy at the time. Blamed my dad for a lot of it, even if it probably wasn’t his fault this time. But ever since then I just thought it might be easier to stick to the meaningless sex route.”

She nodded. “I fuck that up for you a little bit?”

“You have no idea.” He grinned rubbing his thumb along her chin. “I should’ve known the second I caught you checking me out at that party.”

“Excuse me? For the last time I was not ‘checking you out’. I was simply observing that snooze fest your father put on.”

“I was checking you out.” He admitted honestly. “I asked my dad to introduce us. I just knew I had to have you. And then I spoke to you and I found out you were trouble, and you weren’t going to take any of my shit. I should’ve known then.”

It’s a lot softer than anything he’s ever admitted before, and every time that he remembers that this is more, that they’re trying to become more, it makes his heart stutter in his chest. But she leans her head against his seat and she smiles at him like it means something to her to be open, to be vulnerable. And that alone is enough to get him to lean in.

“So maybe....maybe I was looking in your direction.” She says softly. “I’d heard of you. I’d just never actually seen you in person before. And maybe I was curious.”

“Curious?!” He laughed. “Okay. Curious. We can call it that; I’ll take it. Your turn. Worst date. Spill.”

She groaned softly and slid a little deeper into her seat, head fitting perfectly against his shoulder.

“I accidentally went to dinner with a Trump supporter.”

“Accidently?” He snorted.

“Don’t laugh asshole! It was thoroughly traumatic for me. I just thought that logically a white supremacist would not be interested in asking me, a black woman, on a date. I forgot that logic is not in their wheelhouse. It was awful.”

“Now your texts make a lot more sense.” He chuckled reaching his arm to pat her cheek. “That enough to take you out the game, aye?”

“I don’t know man...the world is fucking scary right now.” She sighed. “Sometimes it feels like there’s no one we can trust, like there’s no one who doesn’t have it out for us. It’s not just political agendas. It’s my safety. It really is that deep. It has to be.”

It’s this moment where she’s offering more of herself than she had in the entire time that he’d known her. Y/n was beautiful and sexy and intelligent, but there was also always this aura of mystery around her. Like she wasn’t quite ready to share herself, didn’t know if she could. And he wanted to find his way on the other side of that. He wanted to know her better than she knew herself. And he wants to cherish any moment where she’s willing to let him try that.

“I understand.” He paused and closed his eyes feeling maybe a little flustered and out of his element. “I mean I don’t. I know that I don’t, that I couldn’t but..I hear what you’re saying. And I believe you. I would like to know more at some point. If you’re willing to share it with me.”

Her eyes flicker over to his and they’re wide and brilliant and he wants to kiss her so bad.

“You do?” She checked.

He nodded and chanced reaching to pull her face a little closer, palm resting against her cheek.

“I do.”

She kisses him and it feels like the sun. It feels like everything.

***

*y/n’s point of view*

Rome is kind of perfect. It’s not so hot that you’ve got to cover yourself in deodorant, but the sun is still pretty and bold in the sky. The hotel he takes you to has an entire terrace open for your access with those flowy ass curtains you only saw in cheesy 80’s pop music videos. There are couches that might as well be beds there so soft and plush. You touch down in the middle of the night and there’s not much to do but keep talking to each other, keep touching each other. You take your shoes off and sit out on the couches wrapped in blankets with another bottle of champagne. If the redness in his cheeks is anything to go off of, he’s just as tipsy as you, and it means that it’s not weird when you lean into him. No one’s gonna say anything for letting him hold you.

“It’s four am right now.” You giggled hiding your face in his neck. “It’s so beautiful here.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yea. I really do. I always wanted to come here. I can’t believe this is our first date.”

“I wanted it to be special for you. You deserve that.”

“Since when?” You asked so thoroughly confused by everything that he was. “I mean, yes. I definitely deserve this but...when you did you realize that you want it to be more than what we were? I thought you just wanted to fool around?”

“I did.” He whined stubbornly tracing your nose with his thumb. “I really did. But...you are very good at sex.” You laughed and he smiled. “I’m serious! One of the best partners I’ve ever had. And sometimes when our bodies were moving I just got lost in you. Like you were a fucking beautiful ass star capturing me with your light. And then you stopped arguing with me so much and just letting me be like...a friend to you? And then Miami happened and I just--I wanted to be with you. And I realized that I wanted to be with you as a person, even when we weren’t having sex. I was scared. Until I realized that you liked me too. Then I got my confidence back.”

“Oh lord not your confidence.” You rolled your eyes.

“You have got to stop acting like you are not all up on this okay? I see the way you stare at me, honey. It’s okay. Let yourself give in to Mendes Magic!”

“I am officially not attracted to you anymore.” You snorted going to pull away.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and tackled you down to the couch. Your laughter poured out into the night as his fingers dug into your belly. You laugh until your stomach aches. Until there’s tears in your eyes. Until he kisses you and you feel it in your toes. Until the only thing you can think about, feel, smell, is him. And you melt like that against the couch.

***

Rome is beautiful. It’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever been. The sun rises in the sky and you’re up immediately tugging Shawn out of bed. There’s breakfast at this little place near the hotel that looks out over buildings that were unlike anything you’d ever thing. Everything was historic and rustic and so endlessly different from everything you’d seen before. It was really like something straight out of a movie with cobblestone walkways and buildings that were works of art themselves. It’s wild. It would be wild on any day of the week. That was before you looked over your glass of wine to this guy smiling at you like the beauty of the city around him meant nothing in comparison to looking at you.

You liked him. Shit you liked him a lot. And every time he looked you in the eye and hung on every word you said? It just blew you even further away. And you kept trying to remind yourself how unrealistic it all was. You were thirty afterall. The two of you were in different times in your life. He was still holding on to every word his dad said. You had plans for your life, for your career. It was hard to figure out whether or not he could fit into those plans. And maybe that wasn’t first date type of thinking, but hello! He took your ass to Rome. None of it was normal. So you walked a little faster, tried to hold harder to the moments that you had to share. Cause why not?

“Hey can we slow down for a sec?” He asked as you pulled him towards your third museum of the day.

You frowned. “I wanna see the ruins.”

“We can. I promise. Just let’s sit down for a second, yea?”

You’d been walking all morning, stopping at every nook and cranny that you came across. It was a three day trip anyway. You had no idea when you’d ever be back, if you ever would be back. But there’s something special about the company too. You remind yourself that he’s the reason you’re there. The vacation, though amazing, was really just an opportunity to be with him.

“Yea, of course.”

He tugged you to a little corner of these big huge steps that were filled with people just sitting down, chatting, eating their lunches. The second you’re no longer standing on your feet is a little bit like heaven.

“Okay make you were right.” You sighed wiggling your toes. “I’m tired.”

“Well that’s good. I was starting to think you were a robot.” He chuckled. “I’m glad I packed tennis shoes.”

You peered down at his feet and quickly laced your legs with his where the white tennis shoes stuck out in contrast to his black jeans.

“They look so funny on you. I like them. You’re cute.”

He smiled over at you. “I’m cute, aye?”

“You heard me.”

“Yea, well maybe I wanna hear you say it again.” He murmured taking your cheek into his hand.

“You’re cute.” You whispered before pressing your lips together.

You had yet to get over this new style of kissing. The way he rubbed so softly at your cheek you got goosebumps. The way his tongue could make you feel like time was slowing down. Almost like there was nothing left here. Nothing but the two of you and the way you could make each other feel. It was maybe the best feeling in the world.

“You’re beautiful.” He murmured when the kiss had ended, forehead pressed against yours. “I can’t believe you’re here with me right now.”

“I can’t believe you whisked me away to a different country for our first date.” She hummed. “What are you hiding? Do you have a third nipple or something? A serial killer perhaps?”

“Why are you so insistent on me killing people?” He laughed. “And you’ve seen all of my body at this point. If there was a third nipple don’t you think you would’ve seen it?”

“Well you’ve got me there. But statistically speaking at least fifty percent of all murders probably fit your description, honey. I’m just being realistic. I’ve seen what you can do with rope.”

He rolled his eyes and he found that it made you smile. And so he tended to do it more and more often. That’s kinda how you knew you were fucked.

“What do you say we go see these ruins of yours, find some pasta, and fuck until we fall asleep?”

“As long as it’s in that order!” You gasped tugging him back to his feet to continue your wild adventure of the day.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s got a new kink. And it’s definitely her calling him baby when he’s inside her. It is without a doubt the sexiest thing she could do for him. Which makes so little sense. How fucking soft had she turned him in a few short months? This is where he was now, almost blowing his load because a woman called him baby. It’s not just a woman though. It’s her. Holy fuck it’s her, and the sound of her voice is like directly tied to his dick or something. Shit.

The couches on the terrace are perfect for sex in broad daylight. It’s completely secluded to just them, but anyone at the other hotels around would easily be able to hear them if they opened a window. It’s just another thing that seems to get them both hot and bothered. Her body is a dream. And he doesn’t need to tie her up to get lost in her. (Even if he really, really liked tying her up). All he needs is the feel of her body against his and his hands to direct her where he wants her to go, where he needs her to go for both of them to explode.

“Fuck.Honey you’re dripping. You’re dripping all over my dick.” He groaned tugging her thighs more ruggedly against his own.

“Baby I--I wanna cum.” She gasped, voice breathy and chaotic as her hips bucked like a fucking dream. “I wanna cum on it. Please?”

“It’s yours. Cum on it. Make yourself cum.”

He reached around her waist to grind his fingers deep into her clit. Her ass began to bounce against him, quick and sharp and rugged. He’s barely holding on by a thread. And then she starts to squeeze down on him, her hips working to bring herself to her own climax, and he’s already done for.

“Fuck! I’m cumming.”

His fingers work harder on her clit, dropping down to his knees to drive desperately into her with everything he’s got left inside of him. It thrusts her over the back of the couch and he plasters himself against her back grinding tightly with everything that he’s got.. When she cums it’s just another accomplishment, another moment of making her feel good. It’s all he’s ever really wanted since they met.

“Holy fucking shit.” She gasped collapsing against his chest. “So good.”

“Yea? Still think I can’t dom you and date you at the same time?”

“Shhhh. No one has time for you sir, I can’t feel my legs.”

He nuzzled his way into her neck placing kisses against the skin. His arms were still wrapped around her and her fingers were playing in his hair. It was different than their usual hook ups, for sure. But, he liked it. He liked feeling close to her. He liked touching her and feeling her heart beat beneath his finger tips. Did she know how amazing she was?

“You want me to go get a towel?” He asked softly, pecking at her ear.

She hummed. “Not yet. Don’t leave yet.”

God he was ruined. Just like that.

“Yea okay.”

***

She hops in the shower and he has every intention of following her, of maybe pressing her into the shower door and fucking her until the glass breaks. But then his phone starts ringing and she giggles and runs off leaving his dick to twitch against his thigh. He was stupid on her. Aboslutely idiotic. And whoever was getting in the way of his idiocy was about to get an ear full.

“There better be someone dying!” He huffed eyes still very much on the shower where perhaps the most beautiful woman alive was waiting for him.

“That can be arranged. Can you explain to me why I had to find out from Tiffany that your half whit ass is in Rome right now instead of New York?” His dad roared.

Remember that whole things falling apart narrative? Surprise.

“Shit. Dad look I..I just needed to get away for awhile okay?”

“On the comapny fucking jet nonetheless?!”

“That jet has been open to family members as long as I’ve been alive. Since when is it even a problem?”

“Since you’ve been on that jet more than you’ve been in my office. I am tired of trying to explain this to you Shawn. The rules are very simple. You work for me, you do a good job, you get your inheritance. If you don't, you know what happens Shawn. Is that what you want, to make me have to do that to you?”

“Look Dad I,” He let his voice drop softer, shyer. “It’s not what it looks like. This isn’t just me fucking off okay? I--I like someone. Like really like them. And I just wanted to impress her. She’s different. And I wanted her to like me. This isn’t one of my hookups, I swear.”

He hadn’t liked someone in so long, hadn’t even come close to what he was feeling for y/n. Even though his dad was a dick and they had fought since the time he was eleven, there was still a part of him that yearned for his approval. It was hard not to get caught up in what the world knew his dad to be. It was hard not to feel like if he could just make him proud, just make him happy, then everything would be okay. He hadn’t been that naive in a long time, but it still pulled at him every now and again.

Manny sighed. “Great, son. That doesn’t help the fact that you went behind my back and are continuously neglecting your duties.”

“I--I’m not though. Niall is sitting at sixteen songs as we speak. You only wanted twelve remember? I convinced the producers to look into doing a deluxe edition. That’s gonna make the label happy, Niall happy, and it’s more money for you right? I’m back in LA in a week to work on the roll out for Sarah Leone to the press. I’m kind of working my ass off here. I’m doing everything you wanted.”

“Look whatever just get your ass back to New York, okay?” He muttered.

“I’ll be back in two days.”

“Shawn.”

“Two days. I’ll be back in two days, and I’ll keep living in this hell of a life you’ve set up for me , alright? See you then.”

He tossed his phone back onto the bed in frustration. The noose tightened a little in his absence, sick and tired of always fighting and always losing. It seemed like no matter what happiness he carved out for himself, he was always going to have to return home. Maybe he was kidding himself. Maybe there was no winning in this life.

He stands there for like forty-five seconds feeling sorry for himself, and just fully like a piece of shit. And then he hears her. It’s soft and gentle and sweet. He moves a little closer to the bathroom, the door still open and her naked body visible through the foggy glass door. She’s singing.

“I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away.” She cooed softly. “I don’t know where my soul is, I don’t know where my home is.”

Her voice was soulful and low, her fingers cupping her breasts and rolling down over her hips as she sang. It really kind of hit him in his heart. He leaned against the edge of the doorway, head lolling back for support at this gorgeous sound coming out of this gorgeous woman. The music lover in him just wanted to sit on the floor and listen to her all day, it was so pretty. Maybe map out some harmonies for the two of them. And the fact that he could see the smile on her lips as she sang only made his heart feel two times too big for his sturnemum. He wasn’t ready for the way that she could make him feel. He thought he’d known that, thought he was preparing himself. Not so much. He wasn’t sure one could prepare themselves for a woman like y/n. Maybe that was his lesson to learn.

She catches sight of him out of the corner of her eye and her lips glue firmly shut. He practically pouts when she stops singing. His arms crossed against his chest tighten in dissatisfaction.

“What are you doing?” She whined leaning her head out of the shower.

He shrugged. “Was just listenin’. You didn’t tell me you sang.”

“You didn’t ask. And I don’t. I was just...humming.”

“Humming?” He laughed softly. “Okay. Well you hum beautifully.”

“Well thank you, I suppose. Was your phone call okay?”

“No. Not quite but, I’m good now. Can I wash your back for you maybe?”

“Yea. Boy, you ain’t gotta ask to wash my back. Come on!”

He steps back into the steam of the shower and it’s like nothing exists but the two of them. And he just really wants to keep it that way for a little while longer. If only for a little while longer.

***

They’re lying on a hotel bed that’s so soft it feels like they’re sinking. After another glorious round of sex he found himself tangled in the sheets beside her. Their heads at the foot of the bed because that’s the position where he’d made her cum last, and their feet intertwined at the headboard. She’s not looking at him, but instead up at the ceiling. This doesn’t seem to stop him from peering over at her. She’s kind of too beautiful to not look at.

“Can I ask you something?” He hedged carefully.

She peered over at him, eyes warm and sated.

“Yes.”

“I don’t...I really don’t know how to ask, or what to ask. And maybe--maybe I’m gonna come across like some dick, but I don’t wanna do that with you. I want to learn ya know? I want to understand.”

“Shawn?” She pressed getting his attention. “Calm down. Just ask.”

He nodded softly and took a deep breath. His fingers twitched anxiously against his stomach.

“That stuff you said earlier on the plane...you know about--about the trump supporter, and how that made you feel? And then sometimes...sometimes it sounds like you don’t really like white people, which like makes sense right? We’re the worst. But I just...I wanna understand more about...about what that means for you? Fuck. I’m sorry. That sounded dumb just saying it.”

He closes his eyes ready for her to slap him and take his jet all the way back to New York. He thinks maybe he’d deserve it. It wasn’t even that he’d never been with a Black woman before. Black Women were beautiful and ethereal and wonderful. But, even his tiny white man brain could understand that the state of the world was simply a little different nowadays. His mediocre understanding of racism and privilege simply wasn’t enough. And he knew that if he wanted to be with this woman, if he wanted to feel like he deserved to be near her and absorb her intellect, than he should probably do his absolute best to understand the world in which she walked. Because it certainly looked different from his own.

He feels her hand on his chest and his eyes flutter open. She curled her fingers around his own and sent him another gentle smile that made his toes curl at the other end of the bed.

“It’s not dumb.” She assured him. “You’re asking. You might not have the language, but you’re asking. And that means a lot to me, okay? A lot.”

He nodded his head dumbly, eagerly hanging on every word that she said. She lied back once again, her head nestling a little closer to his. She doesn’t let go of his fingers.

“So, I do hate white people sometimes.” She mumbled. “Sometimes in the discourse Black folks will often try to explain that it’s not all white people, it’s just some. And most days I can get there. I can recognize that. But like… that’s not really how it works you know? Even white people who wouldn’t lynch my black ass grew up in a culture that would. Even white folks who might not feel the need to say the n-word grow up in a culture that situates their body, their worth, their value over mine. And even if that’s not your fault, and I can recognize that it isn’t you know? That’s how privilege works, it’s subliminal. But even if it’s not your fault, it doesn’t mean that you don’t benefit. And it definitely doesn’t mean that you haven’t absorbed messages about my inferiority.”

He watches her face the entire time, more specifically the emotions that seem to rush through every pore and every muscle. There’s a bit of agony on her features. A bit of frustration. But as she warms up there’s a freedom to it too. He knows that she’s not editing her words. She’s not doing anything for his benefit. He asked and so she would tell him, in whatever way was meaningful for her.

“White people just...sometimes it really seems like y’all don’t give a shit. I’ve had the cops called on me at the very building that I work at. On the top floor, with some of the most powerful people in show bizz twenty-seven times since I started. To the point where Mike in security has to keep an updated description of me every time I change my hair just in case. I have walked onto sets to manage my artists and been told that the back up dancers are in the trailer around back. Every step I take, every goddamn day, there is always at least one white person there to tell me that I don’t deserve it. That I don’t belong. And the intersections of my blackness with my womanhood mean that I am consistently and constantly facing an uphill battle of two indentities that the world just doesn’t give a fuck about.”

He couldn’t look away from her. Never had he ever seen her be so vulnerable for him. Y/n was always just an inch or two behind a wall, always peeking out to give him glimpses but never really showing herself in her entirety. He watched the way that her chest rose and fell more rapidly, watched the way her fingers tightened around his own, and her eyebrows wrinkled on her forehead. It was anxiety. She was anxious and angry and sad. The way that her lips pointed down and her eyes blinked faster than normal told him as such. It kind of broke his heart.

And it’s all so new for him that the only thing he can do is follow his instincts and hope that either he doesn’t fuck it up, or that maybe she’ll forgive him if he does. So, he rested his head firmer against her and held her hands just as tight like maybe it might root her a little better in this room with him, like maybe she might feel safe with him.

“And the people...the people that do these things to you. That do these racist acts all the time they--they look like me don’t they?”

Her eyes that were trained on the ceiling fell down to meet his again. They’re still sad, but a little softer now.

She nodded slowly a bit of a grin forming on her lips.

“I’ma be honest ain’t nobody walking around looking quite like you but...yes they--they kind of look like you.”

He nodded slowly and tilted his head back to peer up at the ceiling now. There’s an anxiety to it for him too. In asking the questions that he didn’t have answers to, to be vulnerable enough in his ignorance. There’s a desire to get it right because she’s important to him, and then a dread when he realizes the time it will take to get there, and the pain that might cause her along the way.

“Shit y/n...why the hell would you even wanna go out with me? Even I hate me right now.” He sighed.

“That’s just the white guilt talking baby,” She snorted before sobering up quickly. “Look it’s complicated right? Like given my problems with white people and white men in particular, I’m firm enough in my blackness and my identity to recognize everything that I just explained to you, while also recognizing that things are never black and white. No pun intended. I can still love your humanity and your individuality as long as you’re willing to do the same for me. I can recognize that not all white people are the same, that you all think alike. I just need the space to have conversations like this. I need someone who cares enough to learn. Anything else isn't worthy of my time. Either you’re down with me always, even when it isn’t convenient, or you’re not. So, which is it?”

Her eyes are wide and clear. It’s that firmness in the set of her jaw that gets him. She’s dead serious. Either he buys into her, and all of her, or he doesn’t deserve any of her. He can see that. He can understand it. It’s not that he wants her bad enough to “deal” with the rest of it. It’s that he wants her bad enough to understand all of her. He wants to know. Needs to.

“I’m down.” He assured her reaching for her cheek in his palm. “For all of it.”

“You’re sure?” She mumbled with desperate eyes. “Cause if you’re not we can go back New York and just be fuck buddies again. You can still find you some white girl without hundreds of years of internalized genocide and systemic oppression on her shoulders.”

He shook his head and kissed her until the tension melted from her body. Because he needed it to. He needed her belief in him, her trust.

“I’m so damn sure it’s insane. Just want you.” He whispered.

She reached for his lips pulling him back to kiss her again.

“Promise.” She demanded as if it was even an option.

“I promise.”

***

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odinsblog · 4 years

Note

Hello! I super appreciate this blog! Also so like. If I could ask for some advice if you have time. There’s a lady I know (she’s progressive leaning so like ???). She was like ‘Bernie always makes excuses for his losses’ and it’s like. How does she believe supporting sanitation workers, fuck billionaires, etc but also milquetoast conservadems? Like she honestly doesn’t think Bernie can beat Trump? I have literally zero clue what to think or how to respond to that? Thanks! S

@saoirse-callaghan-blog

Whew boy. I kinda sorta wanna outsource this for someone else to answer, like maybe @politicalsci or maybe @politijohn

BUT.....

Before I do that, I just want to say that when the 2016 primaries rolled around, my aunts were initially going to vote for Clinton, but I talked to them for about 15min outside of the polling place just telling them about Sanders. I even showed them a youtube video of all the stuff Bernie has been right about for the last 30 plus years. My aunts aren’t dumb, and they aren’t easily swayed once they’ve made up their minds ...... but at that point in time, they hadn’t even heard of Bernie Sanders. And I was able to convince them that Sanders was a stronger candidate against Trump and they cast their primary ballots for him.

I’m hesitant to dole out advice here because if you want to convince your friend on a personal level, there’s things about your friend and her personality that only you know - so the convo that you’re going to have might need to take on a whole different flavor than me talking to my black, over 50yrs old aunties.

I’ll be 36 this year and two things stood out to me back in 2016: all of my family and friends who were roughly 35 and under were already Sanders supporters, and they didn’t watch a lot of MSNBC. As that age gap increased, so did their support for “establishment” (aka corporate) Democrats and they were more likely to ... not be news/politics junkies like me, but they definitely were also heavier watchers of MSNBC for their source of news.

(hint: MSNBC is the neoliberal/centrist arm of the DNC, if you don’t know)

Anyway, please forgive me for not taking a minute to scoure through your blog to answer this question, but Idk if you’re white or a NBPoC. If you are, that conversation might look much more different than mine went four years ago. And if your friend is over 35 and financially well off, then there’s another variation. iMho, older people generally seem to have had the hope beaten out of them? And now they’re just happy to “pragmatically” conform to the status quo?

If I could give you one or two pieces of advice, it would be this:

1) try phone banking for Sanders. I did it for the last Democratic primaries, and it gave me sooo much practice for talking extemporaneously to a wide assortment of people from different backgrounds than mine. They give you a script to work from, but after the 30th or 40th call, you basically have it memorized and can start riffing. You need to hear the “No” people without interrupting bc it helps you overall in refuting anti-Sanders arguments you will hear again. Once you’re really comfortable with the calls, maybe let your friend watch you make some calls? It might be an eye opener for her.

2) listen to news sources other than CNN, WNYC and MSNBC. And get them to listen to other outlets. Actual progressive outlets are out there, but they’re a bit harder to find because they aren’t as well funded as their (neo)liberal counterparts. I don’t always agree with them, but I’m currently listening to Brie Joy on Twitter, AOC, Nina Turner, Thom Hartmann, Tim Black, David Packman, and Ben Dixon. (I know I’m leaving out many others, but your ask caught me off guard. Just be sure to include balance - the sources shouldn’t be all male, nor should they be all white). If your friend is like a lot of “progressives,” then she probably watches a ton of MSNBC. If you can’t turn her off from that bad habit, then maybe you can watch with her and point out their constant anti-Sanders bias?

3) make it personal and keep it personal. I don’t mean that you should start name calling or anything, but what I dO mean is this: if you have a personal connection with this person, then you have a better chance of convincing them.

4) Finally, you might just have to accept that you may not be able to change her mind. And that’s okay too. Free country ‘nshit right? Sometimes we need to know when to cut bait.

Anyway, good luck. Please get back with me and let me know how it goes.

Sorry to be so long winded.

#ask #answered #saiorise-callaghan-blog #politics

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

945.

When did you wake up today? >> I woke up at like 4a at first, and then finally fell back asleep sometime after 6a, and woke up for good at a little after 8a. IDK why this happens, but it’s really annoying when it does.

Are you a breakfast person? >> I don’t know what a “breakfast person” is. I do eat a meal in the morning...?

How often do you exercise? What type of exercises? >> I don’t exercise. It’s difficult for me to find something engaging and fun enough for me to stick with it. When the weather cools off a bit I will probably take up morning walks again, but right now I’ve reached my limit with summer conditions and can’t be motivated to willingly drench myself in sweat.

Any favorite TV shows? >> Plenty. Here are three: Person of Interest, The Dragon Prince, Hannibal.

Do you pay attention to the news? >> I read news articles sometimes, when the subject matter is of interest to me or I want to get the full story behind something. Also, I get daily emails from The Flip Side, so that’s a bit of news every morning.

Do you ever donate a dollar to fast food charities? >> Not usually. I also am rarely at fast-food restaurants, so.

What type of books do you like to read? >> I like a wide variety of books -- genre matters less to me than whether the content is written in an engaging manner and whether I care about either the characters or the subject matter presented.

Have you ever enjoyed a reading assignment for school? >> ---

Did you get to decorate your own bedroom? What's it like? >> As a child? No. Now? Yes, because I’m an adult and I pay rent here so I can do whatever I want with my own room. It’s not really decorated in a specific manner, though, like it doesn’t have a ‘theme’.

What size bed do you sleep on? >> Twin, because that’s what fits in my room. Fortunately, I am a relatively small person.

Do you wake up easily to alarms? >> I would if I used them.

Do you stay up unnaturally late at night or do you get to bed early? >> I don’t think I go to bed particularly early or late. Ten PM seems a pretty neutral bedtime.

What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? >> If I’m up late at night, it’s most likely because I couldn’t get to sleep no matter what. It’s definitely not on purpose.

Do you keep anything on like a fan or the TV while you sleep? >> I have the fan on in summer because otherwise the heat would kill me. But I don’t like the noise, I prefer silence when I’m in bed.

Do you procrastinate with deadlines? >> I don’t usually have deadlines.

Do you put a lot of effort into school? >> ---

What food could you absolutely live off of? >> I don’t think I could live off of any food (barring survival situations, of course). I require an array of nutrients just as much as anyone else.

What do you get when you go to the movies? >> An alcoholic beverage, sometimes. Otherwise I don’t usually buy concessions, they’re too expensive. I’ve definitely sneaked many a snack or beverage into a theater and I’ll do it again.

Where do you like to sit at the movie theater? >> Back center.

If you're just lounging around the house, what are you wearing? >> PJ pants or shorts and an undershirt or t-shirt.

Do you like wearing heels? >> An inch or two is fine. I’d prefer not to wear anything higher than that.

Would you prefer a night in or a night out? >> A night in usually suits me, but depending on the kind of night out, I wouldn’t say no to that either. Definitely been getting nostalgic for dinner-and-movie outings lately.

Do you enjoy being alone, or does it make you feel lonely? >> I do enjoy being alone. It’s nice to just veg out in the apartment doing whatever I want, and I don’t feel like I’m being scrutinised every time I move.

Obsessed with any songs at the moment? >> Not any that I can think of.

Do you enjoy showers, or do you take them cause you need to? What about baths? >> Showers are a bit triggering for me for a tangle of reasons, I don’t enjoy them at all. I never take baths, those are a hard limit for me.

Shower robe or towels? >> I just get dressed immediately after drying off and moisturising.

Do you have routines for waking up and going to bed? >> I clean my face and take my Pill before going to bed. I usually read for an hour after waking up, before getting up for bio stuff.

Do you remember your dreams often? >> Not often.

Do the dreams you remember make sense? >> I usually only remember ones that have some kind of connection to waking life. The more esoteric ones are difficult for my brain to hang onto, I think. They come through less frequently.

How is summer going so far? >> I’ve had my fill of summer and now I am looking forward to fall. That’s the thing about summer -- it’s short enough that by the time I’m tired of it, it’s almost over anyway. By the time I’m tired of winter, the worst months haven’t even hit yet.

Do you spend a lot of time tanning? >> I don’t spend any time tanning.

What would you say occupies your time most? >> The Internet, I guess.

Do you keep your room clean, or are you not phased by mess? >> I try to keep my room clean, although the size and how everything is set up makes it look a little more cluttered than it actually is, which drives me batty.

Do you get hassled to keep a clean room? >> Who would hassle me...? I’m grown, I’m responsible for my own damn room for better or worse.

Do you do your own laundry? >> Sparrow does the laundry.

Do you think graffiti is art or vandalism? >> It’s both. Art from the perspective of me, a passerby who likes pretty colours and funky lettering. Vandalism from the perspective of a building owner or law enforcement official.

How do you like your marshmallows roasted? >> Until they’re crispy? Is there any other way, lol...

How do you get rid of hiccups? >> I don’t do anything, mine go away pretty quickly.

How about brain freezes? >> I don’t do anything for that, either, it’s over in a few seconds.

Do you have any healthy addictions? >> That’s... that’s an oxymoron??? What do you think “addiction” means?

Are you old enough to vote yet? >> Yes.

Is voting important to you, or are you uninterested by politics? >> I am uninterested in politics and yet I still participate in the voting system. I didn’t used to, but I’ve come to understand the importance of participating and so I do my best.

Are you alright at world geography? >> I’m pretty abysmal at world geography. I know where some countries and geographical features are, and I can figure out the general area of where other countries or geographical features would be, sometimes... but mostly I just never put much mental energy into that sort of thing and I’m often wrong.

How about navigating your city? >> I can navigate this city pretty well. I’m good with cities.

What part of history interests you most? >> What part of history doesn’t interest me, at least marginally?

Do you keep your cell phone on you all the time? >> Not necessarily on me, but it’s usually somewhere nearby. ... *looks around* ...Well, right now, it’s all the way across the room, but hey.

Do you answer it when it rings or do you screen your own calls? >> I don’t answer my phone at all. Every call I get is spam or a misdial / someone thinking this number belongs to someone else entirely.

Are you big on the texting? >> I don’t text much because there’s no one to text except Sparrow, who I see every day in person anyway.

Do you like chewing gum or eating mints? >> I like the cognitive effects of gum-chewing. But Orbit changed the formula of my favourite gum so I had to give it up.

Do you use dental floss much? >> I don’t floss.

If you're biking do you wear a helmet? >> I hate the way helmets feel on my head but I understand their importance so I just avoid biking at all, basically.

What is your favorite outdoor activity? >> I’m not sure. Hiking, maybe? I do miss hiking.

Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? >> I did not enjoy it.

Do you have any favorite clothes? >> If I still have an article of clothing, one can assume it’s a favourite of mine. Otherwise I’d just... get rid of it. I don’t like keeping things I don’t enjoy.

How about a favorite pair of shoes? >> I only have two pairs of shoes and I like them both for different reasons / purposes.

How many different types of ID do you have? >> Well, I have a state ID, and a Social Security card somewhere (... I should really figure out where that is, I always seem to misplace those), and a birth certificate. I think those are the major forms in this country (I don’t have a passport, which would be another major form).

Do you always remember your license when you're driving? >> ---

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? >> ---

What do you listen to when you're in the car? >> Sparrow’s iPod, usually. But she got a new dongle for the car and it’s Bluetooth, so now I can play my Spotify sometimes too. I have a playlist specifically for the car that’s my Liked Songs with all the metal and hard rock removed (which is, like, three-quarters of my likes, lmao).

What do you spend most of your money on? >> Rent.

Do you take advice when it's given to you? >> I don’t usually receive advice.

Are you optimistic or pessimistic under the shield of "realistic"? >> I feel like that’s not the whole picture. Some people are plainly pessimistic, some people are pessimistic and call themselves “realistic”, and some people are realistic. Whatever. I think my viewpoint depends on what kind of day I’m having, not some innate preference.

Do you avoid arguments or do you go out of your way to express your views? >> I avoid arguments but not to the point where I never express myself. Sometimes my trauma-inspired aversion to perceived conflict can get in my way, but I try not to let it win every time.

Are you looking forward to the future? >> I don’t usually think about the future. I’m busy enough with the present.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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polandspringz · 4 years

Note

if you still wanna talk about them, i’d love to hear your ozpin headcanons!

I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK ABOUT OZPIN DON’T YOU WORRY

(This may or may not be inter spaced with short sentences that are “fan-fic” esque in style if I get inspiration while writing a headcanon. IDK if that’s annoying or makes the reading more fun, but whatever-)

-Ozpin is actually a very emotional person. The parts of Ozma’s soul that have fused with his own may have been hardened somewhat by time and experience, but I’ve always seen Ozpin as a headmaster as a very caring and soft person. Sure, he manages to remain calm and levelheaded, but that doesn’t mean in private he’s not on the verge of breaking, especially when he’s thinking about how much he’s hiding or the childhoods he has ruined.

The mug was gently set down atop the desk, not a sound from it as it was laid to rest, before Ozpin stumbled. His knees gave out, and his body doubled over, his arms barely supporting him as he sprawled across the surface of it. He was shaking, the thought passed through him as he managed to pinch off his glasses, pressing a sweaty palm against his face as he let out a muffled scream. His hand brushed up through his silver bangs, and his eyes stung as exhaustion took over. He slumped to the floor.

He had changed his vote, had given in to Glynda and the rest of his friends. Yes, they were his friends, he told himself, you gathered them so they could give you advice in this lifetime. They know what’s best.

He struggled to reason with himself even as the other part of him screamed out. He knew he had just signed Miss Nikos’ death warrant.

-Based on how Ozpin talks to Oscar about them merging at first, I imagine that the young Ozpin was likely just as frightened when he woke up to another voice in his head filling it with all these notions of destiny and legends and such, but I also imagine that he was also one of the most quickly swayed to the task. Since Ozpin became a headmaster at such a young age, and that World of Remnant detail hinted at his aura being immense, I think once young Ozpin got over the shock of everything, he was just like “ALRIGHT LETS GO LETS GO” and with the help of all the caffeine he could absorb and not die, he just blazed his way through training to the point that he didn’t even need a team. He likely had one, but I doubt he was close to them or was able to make many friendships when he had such big goals and was likely a target for jealousy.

“Hey, Oz!” one of his teammates called back as she stepped out the door, “We’re going out to sight-see before the tournament tomorrow. Want to come?”

He turned around at the small desk of their temporary dorm. He smiled at the boy, but shook his head, “Unfortunately I think I will be staying in tonight. I want to do my best in the first round.”

The boy’s face fell, although it was not smiling in the first place, “You mean our best.”

Ozpin fumbled, “Oh, ah, yes, of course. I’m sorry about that. I misspoke.”

“No, it’s fine,” the boy grumbled closing the door, eyes now narrowed into a glare as he turned to burn a hole into the carpet of the hallway, “We all know you’ll be the one to make it to the finals anyway.”

The door closed and subsequent grumblings could be heard as the boy met up with others. Loudly as they stormed down the hall, Ozpin tried his best to ignore the complaints and insults laced with his name. Ozma took over, and their hands deftly picked up the Long Memory and began to tinker with the gears inside the hilt.

“Maybe it is in our best interest to let one of them advance instead,” Ozma said, “Salem does not yet know that I am here. A low profile perhaps-”

Had anyone been looking through the window, they would have seen a green flash of light as Ozpin took over again, only the tiniest stillness in the hands before they got back to work piecing the old weapon together some more.

“Perhaps, but it is also in our best interest that I become a headmaster as quickly as possible. You may have founded the schools, but you are right in that we cannot leave the relics alone for too long. It has already been, what did you say, ten years since your last life? The headmaster of Shade is new. We should make sure he wasn’t told too much and doesn’t plan to do too much without us.”

He reached for a gear sitting on the desk. Ozma whispered to him as his fingers hovered above it.

“It would do you some good to make some allies, Ozpin.”

“I will in due time, my friend, but as I’m sure you know more than I, trust with a task as momentous as this, must be earned. If I am to have allies, they will have to come to me first. If they are not deterred by our secrecy and our coldness, then I will know we can tell them some.”

“You’ve been looking into my memories, haven’t you?”

“They’re our memories, now, aren’t they?” Ozpin smiled, holding the screwdriver up as he gestured to the air, “But yes, I did see a few. And frankly, I don’t want to give so much away that I die at the hands of one of her henchmen so horrifically like the last two times-”

“Ozpin, I-”

“Do not be offended, my friend. Now, focus your mind elsewhere. I will need either your hands or the memories they hold to help guide me if we want to be able to compete tomorrow,” he said, placing one of the gears back inside the weapon.

He was lucky his past self had made it so durable. The amount of times his teammates had tried to shatter it only jostled a few things loose.

-I might have just contradicted myself in those two headcanons, but I think it’s fairly obvious Ozpin puts up a front, and I believe that could apply to even himself. This may be me projecting a bit, but Ozpin probably is the type of person who will be the most mature in the room when he needs to be. If there is someone else there capable of acting and taking more responsibility for things, he will be looser and less serious. This is probably more canon when you look at how he reacts when Glynda reprimands the teams for the food fights, but it could come from him having to grow up too fast once the merge happened.

-Even though Summer’s mission may not be tied to Ozpin, or at least he doesn’t know that it was tied to him or Salem, I like to think that in the same way that Ozpin feels guilt when he sees Hazel, when he sees Ruby he feels guilt about Summer.

-Out of everyone in Ozpin’s inner circle, it is not Qrow or Glynda, but James who is his favorite. This isn’t any shipper part of me, but that I just imagine that James was probably the strongest person for Ozpin to rely on, and while he probably reassured Ozpin hundreds of times that he had the military might to end Salem once and for all and Ozpin shrugged him off, he appreciated the sentiment and the toughness the man offered him. While Qrow was his spy, Ironwood (although he is based on the character longing for a heart), was the most caring and understanding of Ozpin’s pain. Qrow may have taken stride in feeling like he knew the most out of everyone in the circle about Oz’s past, but Ironwood didn’t need more information, he didn’t need the full story. He seems very perceptive, and probably knew all along that Ozpin wasn’t telling the full truth but kept his distance, and that probably spoke volumes to Oz. Which is why it hurts him so much to see the man on the verge of a breakdown now that he is gone and Oscar is the only key between them.

-When he first woke up inside Oscar’s body, I think Ozpin spent the first few weeks in silence, trying to cope with the fact that he had died again. Although Leo and everyone says that Ozpin had never reincarnated that fast before, I imagine he reincarnates instantly but the time it takes for him to gain status and the recognition again varies. If the team was already on the road a few months by that point and Oscar just had to hop on a train to get to Haven Academy, then I imagine the first weeks or months Ozpin was silently watching and trying not to break down and let himself be known as he saw the news through Oscar’s eyes, as Pyrrha Nikos was honored with a statue in Argus, as casualties were reported, the repeated film footage of Glynda struggling to rebuild the city. Oscar, during this time, was starting to have dreams of past events, and maybe the thing that alerted him the most to something being amiss with himself was a dreamed himself dying, but he could barely remember these dreams when he woke up, just the feelings remained. It wasn’t until he had a dream of a mysterious man reaching out towards him, calling his name, that he remembered it upon waking.

#i wanted to write another short drabble for the summer one but #or the ironwood one but #i dont have time rn and didnt want to clog this post with the fic stuff #rwby #ozpin #oscar pine #ask poland

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anti-tony-god · 5 years

Text

(Sorry kinda long) Cass Cain!! I love her! She has her own series: Batgirl (2000)! The problem is Cass’s education was neglected, so she doesn’t know anything at first. Then she gets magicked and knows words, but can’t speak. Then she can speak, but in broken English. She can’t read either, even pretty far in. I am iffy on Bruce’s part because he sucks and reteaches her to fight, he’s her adopted father but uhh this is before that and while he does worry for her like all his protégés it feels a bit like white knight to me (mostly cause I hate Bruce and Cass should be able to kick his ass at any point in time). Barbara Gordon takes her in, too. Idk if that’s a turn off for you. Shes like 16 so she needs someone looking after her anyway.

I’m going to warn you the art is…… well someone definitely drew that. But it gets better further in. Onyx Adams is there and doing amazing!! Cute Cass/Steph moments!! The end is disappointing and the amount to black villains has me a bit concerned but it’s not 100% and there are black good guys so I’m not going to throw down the racist card.

#30-32 has Connor Hawke in it

Kinda bloody. Suicide, murder, the works. Cass can really kick butt and she’s super sweet but she lets Bruce get in her head when she should be letting Barbara in instead. I actually don’t mind that part, it’s kind of interesting to see even if it does make me mad.

The thing I do absolutely love about her is that she speaks in movement, which is poetic and beautiful. I just wish there was more of it. She had a rough growing up and finally got the family she deserves (except Bruce he sucks). I hate that they make reading body language a power or secret weapon of some sort that can be taken away. I’d have loved it if they kept that.

Batgirl (2008) starts off rough, the other batfam members start off acting like dicks, I know that the first intro of a character makes me judge them afterwards (why I hate black widow) so idk if you think that’ll ruin them for you. She still speaks brokenly but it’s revealed she took an esl class, so it’s better. This is definitely something you read if you want to see more Cass, you run into a bunch of characters but don’t get into her as a person enough except for that part she gets a bf. It’s Cass on a deeper level (talking about her trauma, seeing her sister). She is on a mission and it shows. 2000 is a lot lighter, not as serious.

2009? Cass upgrades to her ultimate form and says fuck Bruce Wayne and then leaves. Unfortunately, that’s the most you’ll get from her. Stephanie Brown (blonde white girl) then becomes batgirl. Which, now that I think about it, is kinda fucked up.

Don’t read any batgirls past that, it’s Barbie Gordon and she sucks (I will find you)

Here’s a rec list for her if you still want to see stuff on her, she probably speaks brokenly (really brokenly or somewhat brokenly depends on the time) or not at all in them. She didn’t have any speech problems in batgirl: convergence but Steph is batgirl in that, she’s black bat. In rebirth she’s known as ‘orphan’ which is worse than ‘signal’ so uhh I don’t know shit about that and never will. Also she respects Batman which is sad :( https://fyeahcassandracain.tumblr.com/recs

Don’t read One Year Later

Connor Hawke!! Oooo I hate Oliver Queen and you will see why but Connor? Connor is my baby!! But all black DC characters are because I’m black and I said so.

He originally had a temper (“angry black man” but also Uhhh Oliver Queen’s son) he was picked on as a kid since he’s mixed (¼ Korean, ¼ black, ½ white) he has the occasional white washing too. His mom would kick your ass if you started making fun of him.

Nothing else I can think of I don’t read him much, sorry

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/95199039664/where-to-start-reading-connor-hawke-lets-first/amp

Ok I did Connor Hawke: Dragon’s Blood and don’t fucking read it he’s whitewashed in the first part then kissed his fucking half-brother’s mom noooooo

People like Connor and Kyle Rayner together plus it’s outside of the Arrow Fam so none of that shit will pop up probably (hopefully) they don’t have a run together but I did run into them a couple of times, they’re so cute!!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/156635510974/kyle-raynerconnor-hawke-recommended-issues/amp

I’m kinda traumatized so no I will not sample any of those for you. Also he respects Oliver which is sad :(

Duke Thomas!! I did like the little glimpses of Duke I got before he moved from background to foreground, but I never read him much. 1. Because I hate Bruce (BATMAN & the signal) 2. Because his new name sucks if they just called him Lark like everyone was voting for I would maybe do it 3. Because it was new 52 and I couldn’t care less about Robin War

I am curious about Duke too tho, I will never read Robin War (nothing immoral about it I don’t think, I just don’t give a shit and it sounds boring also respect for Batman which is sad) but I did get into Batman & The Signal

Writer attempts to console the audience about having too many batfam members while showing us said batfam members, one (or two if you count nightwing) of which is whitewashed, another that is ablewashed, and the PoC and Jewish ones are put in the corner (but to be fair, they’re trying to center the more popular ones and THATS why I hate this fuckin fandom).

I’m going to choke this writer, speech bubbles and boxes are two different things I don’t care if he’s talking to both the audience & the people around him it’s confusing and I hate it how am I supposed to know when it’s in his head or not

“No good names left” I’m so mad there are so many birds that exist do you even know how disappointing it is to hear Duke is getting to be part of the batfam everyone’s so exciting making stuff up for him “oh Lark this Lark that” and then his name is fucking SIGNAL what’s he do make bird calls whenever the bad guy is outside??? “Oh uhhh there’s crime Duke hit the button for the batsignal” fucking SIGNAL

Him trying to figure out his powers is boring as hell I DON’T CARE literally “Jason Todd Death Joke” “Someone Gets His Name Wrong” “I’m A Mystery” “I’m The New Guy” this writing is so lazy ahhhh

Black “blue” dude with a big ass nose that’s the bad guy

I got bored again and skipped panels then found a disabled Asian woman, I am interested again… Wow I want a comic on her she’s more interesting than Duke lmao

I SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IF ITS REDEEMABLE AND SEE A WHITE WOMAN WITH DREADS BYE “but it’s ok ‘cause she’s part robot or whatever” I’m not reading anymore especially since Barbie is there probably preying on another young black guy to not be racist with

https://www.google.com/amp/s/lornahs.tumblr.com/post/155680034759/where-to-start-reading-duke-thomas-his-first/amp

Rec list, he’s mostly in batman sorry fam *F* also he respects Batman which is sad :(

If you decide to stay away from batfam please take me with you

If you decide to stay away from DC PLEASEEEEE take me

I should probably explain this since I keep throwing it onto you without explaining what it is Barbie Gordon: Barbara Gordon (second batgirl, most popular) was attacked by the joker and was paralyzed from the waist down. This was an extremely sexist comic that was complained about by all sorts of straight white able-bodied feminists even after DC turned that trash-fire into a glorious fireworks display

She was amazing as Oracle! She was a genius, badass, wheelchair-bound asskicker!! Even the justice league wanted her!! She was so reliable and strong mentally, physically, and emotionally! She was one of the only people to step up during No Man’s Land! She took in Cass and didn’t give up on her when she took Bruce’s stupid advice over her wisdom! And she lost her respect for Bruce which is great! She had more respect as Oracle than she could ever dream of as batgirl. She realized Bruce was bitch and became twice the man he could ever be. She didn’t let that moment define her, and she decided she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back anymore. She didn’t have Bruce’s “huh they look like they can beat someone down hard 🤔🤔🤔” view of worth, she saw people as they were and did what she could to help them improve. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But with enough whiny bitches DC will do anything, and Barbara was given back her legs, her respect for Bruce, and her wisdom while also gaining a black boyfriend that had no business being there (MY Luke??? I appreciate the bowtie pics but FUCK YOU) that she would soon dump for her light-skinned ex, and a victim complex.

She lost both her dignity and everything great about her.

No one hates Barbie more than me. No one. If I find out that you even glimpsed at her I will hunt you down.

Also recently they made a new Oracle, since she mostly deals with computers it’s sort of a robot thing and it’s STILL FUCKING ABLE BODIED THE POINT FEW PAST THEM AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

THE MADDEST I’VE EVER BEEN

–

Thank you so much for all this! Idk what a lot of it means since ive literally never read a dc comic but ill keep it in mind when I start reading!!

#dc #long post #suicide mention #submission #save

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florrickandassociates · 5 years

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TGF Thoughts: 3x04-- The One With Lucca Becoming a Meme

Under the cut! 3x05 coming... sometime.

The One with Lucca Becoming a Meme is one of the most complex, layered, reflective, and thoughtful episodes this show’s ever done… and I don’t think I’ll have that much to say about it. Sure, there’s a lot to think about, but I don’t have answers-- and I don’t have much to add to the conversation that hasn’t already been said. I don’t think my perspective on most of the issues this episode raises is going to be very interesting!

It’s still storming in Chicago. TONE SETTING!

Maia’s in with the partners, explaining her actions and her arrest. The charges are under review. Maia denies having a drug problem (she sounds surprised Julius would even ask) and says the drugs were “foisted upon me by Roland Blum.” “Foisted, but not planted,” a partner points out. Maia doesn’t try to argue the point, which leads me to believe that after Blum gave her drugs and warned her that if she turned on him, he would have the police search her car, she decided to knowingly piss him off and kept the illegal drugs in her car. Maybe she doesn’t have a drug problem but my goodness that’s a big common sense problem.

She says she accepted the drugs from Blum because “the standard playbook goes out the window.” Fair. Why’d she keep ‘em, though?

Speaking of things going through windows, the next subject is the laptop Maia threw! Adrian admits that everyone loses their temper sometimes. Maia, interrupting, insists she didn’t lose her temper. Yes. The way to show you didn’t lose your temper is to not even let a name partner finish his sentence in defense of you. Also, I feel like she DID lose her temper in that scene. “I had to let him know I wasn’t intimidated,” she explains.

“There may be better ways of doing that,” Diane chimes in. Maia agrees, and so do I. Maia breaking that window may show she’s unpredictable, but it also shows a lack of self-control and ability to direct her anger. Maybe to Blum it shows that she’s not intimidated, but to me it shows that she so badly wants to be seen as a badass that her judgement (along with the standard playbook and that laptop) goes out the window.

Anyway, Maia apologizes for breaking company property and offers to pay to replace it-- the right, mature move.

After Maia leaves the room, the partners are divided on what to do. Some want to fire her since they fired someone else for a similar offense (he was using, though) and others think Maia’s charge isn’t as bad so she should be suspended. Shock of all shocks, Diane is in favor of suspension.

Diane points out that Maia doesn’t have any other issues, and Julius mentions her arrest at the end of season 1. That’s not fair. Being privileged enough to believe your foundation is “helping Africa” or whatever is ignorant but it’s not criminal, and that’s really all she was guilty of then.

The partners are going to vote on Maia’s fate in four days. In the meantime, Diane is attempting to bring Liz to what I can no longer call the #WhiteLadyResistance.

Diane goes to visit Maia in her newly-windowless office and jokes about closing the door. Wait wait wait, Maia still has that office? Her case is over and SHE BROKE THE OFFICE.

“Am I fucked?” Maia starts off the conversation. “Wow, Maia, all grown up. No, Maia, you are not fucked,” Diane replies. What a professional way to start a conversation.

Maia will have to be drug tested. She sounds surprised.

Maia apologizes to Diane and Diane doesn’t accept it. She says, correctly, “you should’ve had some supervision with Blum.” 100% agree. I said it in an earlier post but I’ll say it again here: this is the only argument I can see for why Maia should keep her job, for why an exception to the drug arrest policy should be made. Maia was not capable of handling this case on her own-- even before Blum showed up I thought she seemed to be doing a bad job-- and it is the partners’ job to be aware of that. Would every associate have accepted the drugs? Highly, highly doubt it. Is it clearly Maia’s fault that she gave into pressure when she had no support or supervision? I don’t think so. If Maia is underperforrming (and I think she is, though it’s not clear whether or not the show thinks she is) then the partners need to understand what projects to staff her on and what projects she can’t handle. There should be a clear process for discussing case strategy, for reporting new developments in a case like working with Blum, or for partners looking out for foreseeable issues like having a co-defendant represented by a deranged addict. A large part of this mess is bad management. That doesn’t excuse Maia’s terrible judgement, but she never should’ve been put in this position.

Maia and Diane have no clue what’s up with Julius and Marissa. What’s happening is that Marissa’s giving Julius good advice. That’s about it; don’t have much else to say except that I laughed at Marissa saying “twelve kids” when she knows he has six.

#WhiteLadyResistance now has at least two black women in it, so I’m going to just have to call it #Resistance. I could still call it #LadyResistance but I don’t think that works. Anyway, does anyone find it odd that Diane is totally on board with a group assembled by a con artist? I guess she did fall for it too…

#Resistance wants to go after Not!TaylorSwift, who just so happens to be a client of RBL.

Without Diane’s presence, #Resistance went through her client list. Does that mean she turned over her client list to this group!?

Maia phones Lucca (who is off of work) to ask about her drug test troubles. She wants to know about false positives in drug tests. She just expects Lucca to have the answers (and Lucca does, because Lucca’s great).

An obnoxious white lady overhears Lucca discussing drug tests and decides it’s her place to judge Lucca’s skills as a nanny (it doesn’t occur to her that Lucca could be Joseph’s mother). This lady is terrible: she can’t take a joke (and Lucca makes some really funny ones in this scene!) or even consider for a second she could be wrong.

Obnoxious white lady calls the police on Lucca because Lucca… exists. Awful and, sadly, realistic. I’m glad TGF took on this plotline.

Credits!

Republican leadership thinks Julius is a strong candidate but they don’t want him working with Eli Gold’s daughter. Don’t think I have that much to say about this plot. It’s fun that Marissa gets to do her dad’s job, it’s nice that Julius gets a plot of his own, it’s understandable that Marissa thinks Julius is the lesser of two evils if she knows there’s going to be a Republican judge. That’s… all I got.

The next day at work, Lucca begins to get anonymous hate emails. Maia, wearing another one of her strange outfits (this one looks like she’s wearing a blouse under a sweater, except part of the blouse is a scarf and the sleeves of the sweater are too short), comes into Lucca’s office and asks for more advice on drug testing. The internet wasn’t clear, but Lucca is an expert on drug testing apparently.

Maia hears the incessant email notifications Lucca’s getting and reads a few messages. “Woah. Those are the kind of emails I usually get,” Maia replies. This is maybe my favorite Maia line yet? Shows self-awareness and shows that she’s strong enough to deal with the harassment while still reminding the viewer it’s something Maia has to deal with on a daily basis.

Maia drops the pretenses: she actually used Blum’s fentanyl lollipop. She. Tried. It. It was her first time doing drugs, but she still did it. On her own time. Yikes. Idk if I think experimenting with drugs once is enough to warrant firing, but it is highly illegal and… Maia knows that shit’s illegal and addictive as fuck. She also knows that Blum is unstable and should’ve been able to see enough steps ahead (even without his warning) that he could accuse her of being an addict.

How the HELL did Maia manage to delay a drug test? If drugs can leave your system and she’s given warning of a test, then of course more time is better for her. They would test her immediately if they tested her at all.

Lucca answers a call and gets sworn at. She answers a second call and it’s the Washington Post asking for a comment on the Mothering While Black video. Seems that someone (many someones) recorded Obnoxious Lady confronting Lucca and it’s gone viral.

“Congratulations, you’re a meme,” Marissa informs Lucca. Is that what a meme is? Just anything that goes viral? That is not how I use that word.

Everyone at the firm is watching the video. Diane and Liz only look up from the video to follow Not!TaylorSwift into Adrian’s office. She’s been photoshopped into looking like a tiki torch Nazi and she’s not happy about it. But she refuses to denounce Nazis because that’s too political. Get the fuck outta here!

How the FUCK did she write a song about Carl Reddick that got mistaken for a KKK anthem???? I want to read the lyrics.

NotTaylor and her manager are idiots who think suing her fansite is the way out of this. Diane, Liz, and Adrian immediately point out that this is… ill-advised.

Also the photoshopped pic is coming from #Resistance so why did they really need NotTaylor to be Diane’s client? Everything Diane says to NotTaylor is something that any good lawyer or PR person would say, and I feel like NotTaylor is only Diane’s client to make the plot more engaging and resonant.

Why is NotTaylor even RBL’s client? She wouldn’t likely be based in Chicago and if she’s so big on being apolitical, RBL is a bizarre choice of a firm.

NotTaylor’s speech about music not being political is nonsense, garbage, incorrect, etc. Oh no! Art might be political! To my mind, art is INHERENTLY political.

It’s time for another TGF short, and this one kind of loses me. It’s not really explaining anything and the only people who will understand it are… the ones who don’t need an explainer. Meh. The animation’s fun, as always.

The partners want Lucca to have security (Jay) and Lucca wants to forget this ever happened. As the partners explain their case (with an assist from Marissa), Lucca realizes that all of the black people in the room know the names of the black police brutality victims, and none of the white people know them by name. It’s a good point.

Diane insists it’s not true, but Lucca gives an example and none of the white people can answer. Shows what they actually pay attention to-- all of them would claim to care, but none of them know the names.

One quibble: Laquan McDonald is not the example the writers should’ve gone with here, just because these are lawyers in Chicago who worked at a firm that regularly handles police brutality cases while a police brutality case that drew nationwide attention was in the Chicago courts. They would ALL know his name for that reason alone. (Lucca’s point, of course, still stands.)

Everyone’s shaken by Lucca’s observation, including her friend Marissa. Marissa confronts Lucca and asks “do you think I’m racist?” Really, Marissa? You know better than to say that. Also, yes. You asked that question. So, yeah, a little bit.

“My grandparents went to Selma,” Marissa points out. Stop digging yourself a hole, Marissa. Lucca’s not attacking you personally. Being called out is not the worst thing in the world. If you don’t like that she’s right, then do what Diane does and fucking SAY THEIR NAMES instead of being upset that someone might think you’re racist.

Lucca points out that her white colleagues don’t bother learning the names of black victims and Marissa’s response is to worry that she’s being seen as racist, not to worry that racism exists or that people have died because of the color of their skin. Ugh. I expected better from her. It can’t feel great to be told you’re not as woke as you thought you were but even still.

Diane handles this SUPER well, googling the names of victims and saying them out loud. She, unlike Marissa, understands that Lucca’s right.

Adrian and Liz talk about Lucca’s comment, too. Adrian says he’s “accepted that there’s a certain amount of bias in my life no matter what, and I’m just looking for some everyday kindness and respect.” Liz pushes back, wondering what it means if white colleagues are kind to them in good times but would “break off into their own tribes” in bad times. Adrian’s response is to worry about the racists he can see, not the racists he can’t see.

Lots of highly visible racists are flooding Lucca’s inbox, still. Julius swings by and asks Lucca to talk to a new crop of associates because “they need to hear from a fourth-year.” Is Lucca both a fourth-year associate and the head of matrimonial law? I feel like she doesn’t need the fourth-year title anymore.

Lucca notices-- and comments-- on the racial makeup of the new crop of associates. They’re mostly white.

It’s time for Maia’s drug test, and what does she do? Fake it with Marissa’s help. There’s someone else in the bathroom, another lawyer, and it’s unclear to me if this is to up the stakes and make Maia worry that it’s Jay or if it’s a seed planted for later.

Jay’s driving Lucca home. Lucca still thinks it’s silly; Jay doesn’t. Lucca shares her observation that the new associates are mostly white with Jay. He’s surprised she noticed, which strikes me as odd. First, I was under the impression that Diane, Marissa, and Maia were the only white people employed at the firm, so I feel like just about anyone would take note if a new batch of hires were majority white. Second, Lucca NOTICING doesn’t seem weird or new to me. Lucca VOCALIZING her observation is new.

Then Jay mentions there’s a pay gap. The best offices and salaries go to the new white employees. Jay doesn’t want to say more, but Lucca insists. She asks for the data so she can decide whether or not she’ll help.

The way Jay explains it in this scene makes a lot of sense-- not sense as in it makes sense the white people are making more (that doesn’t make sense, of course) but sense as in it answers my questions. It sounds like it’s only recently that they’ve started hiring lots of white people, and it’s those white people (not ones who were promoted from within the company) getting the best offices and best pay. That’s consistent with what Adrian will say later about the market.

“You fire that bullet, it will start a war,” Jay warns.

#Resistance is-- obviously-- responsible for the alt-right embracing NotTaylor. One member of #Resistance even goes so far as to insult Diane’s skills as a lawyer.

Jay has the salary information for Lucca in the morning. Most incoming senior associates are white, most junior associates are black and have lower pay. Oh, and Marissia got a large raise (large enough that she’s being paid as much as Jay is, even though Jay’s got several more years of experience). Lucca worries Marissa will get dragged into this and tries to back out, but now Jay’s even more pissed.

“Look. This isn’t just about money. This is about value. And I don’t know why my contribution is valued less,” Jay explains. That’s the crucial thing, I think, when discussing salary.

“It’s not. And it would be good to not attach it to individuals,” Lucca suggests. How can she know that, though? I know she just wants Jay to stop, but it’s a valid point. Is Marissa outpacing Jay? And if not, why is she making more money? (Just to note: I think that if Marissa is doing better, faster work than Jay, she absolutely should make as much/more than him, as long as he’s making enough to live comfortably on and her work is better even after you control for stuff like Marissa getting more assignments from white associates.)

Frank Landau comes to scream at Marissa. I wish it were Eli, but he’s in Albania.

Anyway, Marissa explains why she’s helping Julius, and it’s for very pragmatic reasons: the seat’s going to go red no matter what, and she’d rather it be Julius’s than a “creepy drunk frat boy.” Fair.

NotTaylor comes back and, shocker, suing her own fansite was a bad idea. Now she wants to issue a statement… about “love.” And unity. It’s… nah.

Jay goes to just Adrian and Liz about his salary concerns.

“It’s a mistake to equate salary with value,” Liz explains. Is it, though? Especially when it’s relative to another employee doing the same job? How else are you going to figure out how much you’re valued? And if you’re so valued, why aren’t you making more money? You’re valued, just not enough to be paid more.

Adrian says the partners won’t discuss financial decisions. Feel like there’s probably a better policy than that, but I see why they wouldn’t want to open that can of worms. Like, being aggressive towards an employee who somehow got his hands on confidential salary information is… not a good look.

Jay asks if it’s because Marissa’s white and Adrian swears at him. Adrian, you’re a name partner, YOU FUCKING KNOW BETTER.

Liz wants to know why they’re paying Marissa as much as Jay. Adrian says Julius suggested giving Marissa a nice raise last week. I hope he’s also paying her independently for her consultation because it would be really horrible of him to get his company to pay her more for work she’s doing just for him… (It sounds like this could be in addition to the consultations she’s doing; he’s just seen how much value she adds for the company.)

“This company keeps working because we don’t look at certain things, we don’t pick at certain scabs. We pay people more who we think we’re losing, we pay people less who we know are not going anywhere. Nothing to do with Marissa. It’s capitalism, Liz,” Adrian explains to his fellow managing partner. Liz understands this, but she also understands that (much like “pure meritocracy”) this idea in practice is often racist.

She, I would assume correctly, points out that the white people are more likely to leave their firm than the black people. “Hell yeah,” Adrian agrees. “What, you thought I’d say no? The ugly truth, Liz: Women are valued less than men because we think the men can leave us for better paying jobs. And black people are valued less than white people because we think the white people can leave us for better paying jobs. I hate it. But that’s the reality and that’s what I have to deal with. If we don’t keep this place afloat, no one survives.” I don’t manage a business and I have no idea what RBL’s margins are, but I buy this as an explanation-- not an excuse.

If RBL valued paying employees equal pay for equal work even if that meant having smaller offices or less pay for themselves or fewer employees, I’m sure they could find some compromise that would allow them to be equitable and profitable. Or, at least, they could strive to find one. Just saying, “but capitalism!” isn’t as much of an excuse as Adrian thinks it is. He’s just reinforcing the system.

Even though Adrian’s decided he’s the only partner responsible for planning for his firm’s future (seriously though, why is he always explaining his strategies to Liz and Diane), I don’t mean to say he alone should be working to end the pay gap. All I’m saying is that if everyone accepts that the system is the system and doesn’t work to change it, the system’s going to stay in place longer. If Adrian declines to take advantage of the opportunity he has to make a change, I’m not going to drag him for it-- he has many competing priorities and it’s gotta be very hard to balance the budget when you pay more than the market rate but can get away with paying less. But I certainly am going to say that Adrian is CHOOSING to reinforce the system. He has his reasons, but he has enough power that he could at least TRY not to be part of the problem.

(Also it seems like Adrian is actively hiring white associates for more $$, thus reinforcing the idea that they are worth more and have options.)

Liz points out that while she understands where he’s coming from, if this gets out, people are going to be angry. She’s right.

Jay, in fact, is angry and he’s sending the salary information to the rest of the firm so they can be angry too. Lucca warns him against it, but he knows he’s starting a war.

Julius insists on having Marissa as his campaign manager, which is a terrible idea I’m certain Marissa would’ve advised against. His meeting doesn’t go well.

Man do I wish we could see the salary information for any of the main characters, particularly Maia. I’d like to know how she compares to the other third-years.

Jay joins a group of black associates in a conference room. Everyone takes turns expressing their concerns over the types of cases the firm’s taking (more ChumHum, less police brutality), Maia getting an office, white associates choosing Marissa over Jay, etc.

Maia cluelessly interrupts this meeting, looking for Marissa. Not a good look.

NotTaylor is back. Now the alt-right is going after her trans sister and NotTaylor is in tears. And she’s ready to denounce the alt-right.

Liz and Diane confront #Resistance about it and #Resistance eagerly claims responsibility. Duh. Diane acts stunned they’d be willing to hurt someone for political gain, completely forgetting that she sicced the press on Tara in hopes of destroying 45 just weeks ago.

“Salaries are driven by seniority, Lucca,” Adrian explains in a meeting about salary concerns. First, his tone is going to solve nothing. Second, what does this mean? That if a white associate comes in as a fourth-year he’ll make the same as Lucca, even though Lucca’s a fourth-year good enough to run a department? Seems wrong.

Another big complaint: Maia’s new office and her drug arrest. Everyone except Adrian thinks it’s about race. Maia is absolutely getting the benefit of the doubt a black associate would never get, regardless of whether or not her offense was actually lesser than Alan North (the last associate fired for drug use). After all, for all we know, he could’ve used drugs once and gotten caught too.

Diane isn’t as hypocritical as I made her out to be above. She and Liz both decide to stick with #Resistance because it’s effective.

WHY IS THE SCENE WHERE THE PARTNERS DECIDE MAIA’S FATE SHOT ON SHAKYCAM, THIS IS A BAD CHOICE. (This director is the one I complained about in 621 and he otherwise did a fine job with this episode, but the shaky cam is really bad.)

Diane really tries to defend Maia, but it doesn’t work: the pay gap controversy tips the votes against Maia (Liz is the deciding vote), and she’s fired.

I wrote a post earlier this week about whether or not I think firing Maia is justified, so I won’t write it out again, but to summarize my thoughts in one word: Yes.

There’s a song by The Wild Reeds playing over the scene where Diane tells Maia she’s been fired and I am very proud of myself for recognizing the artist.

Lucca watches through the window-wall as Diane delivers the news to Maia. You know what this (and, tbh, every?) episode could’ve used more of? LUCCA! QUINN! One the pay gap war starts, we don’t hear about the viral video again, and we should’ve. The experience made Lucca more interested in taking a stand at work… anything else? Is that it?

I like that we get to see Diane walk into Maia’s office, greet her, and deliver the news. It would’ve been easy to just imply it, but it adds a lot to see the firing actually take place. It’s clear how hard this is on Diane-- Maia is her goddaughter, after all-- and showing the whole sequence makes Maia’s firing feel more consequential.

Also, THERE WAS NO ROLAND BLUM THIS EPISODE AND FOR THAT I AM GRATEFUL.

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 5 years

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Help I’m being harassed by the #1 sexeist man! Review

Sorry I had this mostly finished on the backburner for awhile but Soulless grabbed my attention pretty hard. BUT NOW THIS IS FINISHED! I hope you enjoy!

Summarize

So the story is as follows…Takato is an actor who was voted Japan’s sexiest man for a few years in a row. However his title is usurped by this dude named Junta that he’s working on a new movie with. Takato is salty about this but is professional about it and just kinda harbors secret bitter feelings. He is polite to and gives advice to Junta when asked. Junta invites him out to drinks, Takato doesn’t want to but everyone within a 5 mile radius swoops in to pressure him into it so he caves.

GOD WHY IS THAT A THING? That for sure happened in Love Stage and I’m sure I’ve seen that trope elsewhere. Where not just a 3rd party will pressure a reluctant uke but like a fucking horde of strangers with nothing to gain from it just crawl out from under the fucking floor boards like little hack-handy roaches to advance this shitty plot.

ANYWAY!

Junta gets Takato drunk, films embarrassing stuff that he threatens to blackmail him with, and a fucking horror scene of a rape ensues. Like, not dissimilar from Junjou in the fact that the atmosphere is drawn as oppressive, the uke is riddled with very palatable fear, the seme wears crazed expressions, and behaves violently. Hell, Takato manages to shove him off and tries to lock himself in the bathroom for his own safety but Junta rips the door off its fucking hinges. Takato PLEADS like BEGS for him not to but he is violently raped against the wall while Takato cries saying OUT LOUD that THIS IS RAPE! Afterwards he’s crying and shaking, talking out loud about how he’s frightened if others find out and feeling humiliated.

Junta picks him up and is like, “Man I guess I got carried away, but like REAL TALK I have a crush on you. The rape was kinda bad I guess, but it’s not my fault cause I literally cannot control any of my actions. I can prove I like you by having gentle sex with you in the bed.”

Takato agrees to this.

I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?!

The implication here is that Junta just looked SO SWEET! But like also it wasn’t gentle sex at all and Junta is going to continue to blackmail him. HAR HAR!

Like here is a hot fucking take authors and fans of this particular type of garbage… that kind of writing does not make this more consensual and okay.

Like if you threw a dude in a pit full of scorpions, and he is being stung by a thousand stingers and the poison is slowly and painfully shutting down all of his bodily functions and it’s all really gruesome…but then someone asks if he wants to be saved and the dude in the pit goes from screaming in agony to saying, “Actually I like it down here.”

Does that mean being pushed into that pit, and what he went through in that pit is okay? NO

What does him suddenly wanting to marry all of those 1000 scorpions mean?

IT MEANS YOU’RE A FUCKING HACK WRITER WILLFULLY CONTRIBUTING TO RAPE CULTURE FOR A QUICK BUCK YOU HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Like you can have your stories where a rapist is redeemed from his awful actions, but more often than not I see these fucking outrageous hairpin fucking turns in writing.

I mean, Junta does apologize? Which is better than some semes but honestly I’d rather him not even bother because he’s not sincere. He apologizes all the time for the sex acts he puts Takato through but goes on to blackmail him, hurts him, abducts him, and threatens him to his face with more rape. LIKE NOT EXACTLY FEELING AS IF YOU TOTES CARE ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ALL THIS, BOYO!

The next chapter while they’re being filmed for the show Takato throws him against the wall and hijacks the dialog to make it sound sexually threatening. Takato IN HIS MIND ADMITS “DAMN HE’S ACTUALLY USING ENOUGH FORCE TO HURT ME!!!!” So after this shot, Takato gives Junta some advice and makes no shit, this fucking face…

And that…face, (improperly attached to what I presume is a series of straws coated in plaster masquerading as a neck) gives Junta that GOTTA RAPE NOW BONER!

So that’s what happens, he just violently drags off a kicking and screaming Takato in the middle of shooting and no one bats a fucking eye. SEEMS LEGIT! What’s baffling to me is they don’t even draw a sex scene for this.

MY BRO, WHAT IS EVEN THE FUCKING POINT THAN OF ALL THESE RAPE SCENERIOS IF THERE AREN’T HIDEOUS MELTING FACES AND WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN BODIES TO GO WITH IT!?

But afterwards Junta says the classic creepy shit, “Give up already and become mine. I have no intention of giving you to someone else.” WE KNOW THE DRILL!

Takato looks up at Junta and goes, “Yeah guess I love this dude.”

AND LIKE FOR WHAT? FOR HUH? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!?!!??!?!?!?!?

But also, are you fucking joking here? Like I’m not into the 10 volumes of “Am I gay or not?” bullshit we get in yaoi. But, depending on the pace and characterization, there’s nothing wrong with dragging out the love being 100% mutual. Here’s it’s in chapter fucking 2. Even Junjou went at a slower pace than that. When I read that I couldn’t help feeling like, “WELL WHAT’S THE CONFLICT IN THE NEXT 3 AND A HALF VOLUMES GOING TO BE?”

Which, admittedly is unfair, there can be lots of relationship conflict outside of mutually expressed love…However for a rapist/tsundere dynamic? That’s usually at least 75% of the conflict. But oh, maybe this means we’re going to get different kinds of drama! So even while it’s not good, we’re going to get something different!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It’s utter NOT-CONFLICT is what we end up with. 3 different chapters are, “I haven’t seen much of him, that must mean he’s bored of me. Wah! Oh it turns out he was just busy. Oh that’s good.” PAGING FUCKING JUNJOU WITH THAT SUPER FUN, ENGAGING, AND INTERESTING CONFLICT HARDY FUCKING HAR!

Then we take a hard right into sorta worst rapist territory. What do you mean by SORTA worst rapist Faps?

Well……

There’s a new actor Takato is working with and this new actor, and the new actor’s coding as a bad guy is about as subtle as a punch to the mouth. So new actor gets Takato drunk enough for him to pass out, gives him a hickey and ????????????

2 things happen in these situations in yaoi typically

1.) SOMEHOW the seme MAGICS his way there beats up the worst rapist

2.) This happens after the uke and seme have a fight. So uke realizes how mean he was for not being 100% down with all the seme’s shitty behavior cause there is a worst rapist out there. He runs crying to the seme apologizing and conflict solved.

We sorta get the 2nd here…but not in a straight-forward way. For one there is no fight beforehand to set up any kind of relationship development. What happens is that Takato wakes up mortified at the possibility he was raped while he was asleep. He staggers around both in denial and utter shame. Seme shows up and like only adds to this panic by yanking him around, forcefully washing his body, and screaming that his SLUTTY, SLUTTY FACE MANIPULATES MEN into raping him. The seme tells him that they don’t have to have sex. Which good, but I mean the scene is not framed as if Takato is doing this out of kindness but almost as a dare. The implication being if Takato doesn’t consent that he is the OTHER MAN’S BOY NOW and they should just break up. So there is implicit pressure there, but he does seem to initial consent. Yet during the sex Takato internally cries about how much he hates it because his boyfriend is hate fucking him but he can’t say NO because than his boyfriend will hate him more.

LIKE FUCKING BIG YIKES MY FRIEND! IT’S SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE!

Which like, I could see a post-assault sex scene full of the emotional intensity of the anger, guilt, shame, fear all intermingling within both of them working well. (Not that post assault consensual sex is much of a thing.) That they’re trying not to think of what Takato went through but it’s eating at both of them. THAT COULD BE A REALLY INTENSE, WELL DONE SCENE! However this is framed like seme ~taking back what’s his~ in a really cold, pissed-off way that’s AT BEST really insensitive to what the uke just went through and his current emotional state. While Takato ~letting him~ cause he’s afraid his bf hates him for getting raped by someone not him. Junta also disappears without a word, making Takato fear that YEP HIS BF DON’T WANT HIM CAUSE HE’S DAMAGED GOODS NOW!

But who has to apologize? THE UKE!

Also it turns out Takato was not raped cause worst rapist couldn’t get it up after Takato said his bf’s name in his sleep. This is framed as better not cause of what the uke went through, but he didn’t really CHEAT so Junta can forgive him.

LIKE REALLY MY DUDE? YOU STARTED THIS OFF WRITTEN TAKATO MORE REALISTICALLY DEALING WITH THE DENIAL, DISGUST, AND SHAME OF ASSUALT AND INSTEAD JUST DEGRADED INTO THE SAME VICTIM-BLAMING HORSESHIT! GET FUCKED!

So the resolution is that the relationship is fixed and Junta threatens and blackmails the rapist. Which, I’m glad he didn’t get off scot-free but those interactions felt less like protecting the safety of Takato and more like, HE’S MY PROPERTY NO TOUCHY!

So from here we take a big turn.

Most of the 3rd volume is a big back-track to the beginning of their relationship before it was romantic or sexual. And boy howdy it feels like a retcon for the fuck awful pace of the 1st volume.

Basically it’s about how Junta became obsessed with Takato while working on a movie cause idk he’s pretty and he accidently heard Takato say something shitty about him once. While I wouldn’t call this good the fact that they actually let this blooming of affection take place makes it the best chapters so far.

Like at the end Junta resolves himself to let his feelings be known and to start a romantic relationship with Takato. Without the context, that felt like almost sweet? That he’s accepted his gay feelings and wants to share his life with Takato. However if you REMEMBER THE CONEXT it means that Junta planned to drug, blackmail, and rape Takato WHICH YANNO REALLY TAKES A SHIT ON YOUR CUTE LITTLE FEATHERS BLOWING IN A BREEZE TO GO WITH HIS CUTSY MONOLOG YOU SHIT-SUCKER!

But lordy the next chapter comes along which is a retelling of this prequel from Takato perspective. The only saving grace here is that it’s not nearly as long as Junta’s. Basically Takato realizes that Junta is OUT for him, and has a fucking frightened panic attack in his car afterwards. He’s literally shaking and monologing about how scary the situation and Junta are. And this isn’t me even inferring words in Takato’s head, he repeats scary over and over. Takato even decides to over book himself so he’ll have fewer chances to interact with Junta. So he does the classic ~pass-out from overwork~ thing so Junta can save him and from here we immediately transition to,

Oh now it’s modern day and they’re banging…..okay????? VOLUME ENDS

The next plot point comes down to this:

Paparazzi are OUT TO GET THEM! There is a photo leaked that isn’t really suggestive at all and Takato pretty much loses his job for it. However Takato finds out there is a much more damning picture of him and Junta, so he decides to break up with Junta, and like…just literally do whatever the paparazzi wants in order to protect Junta. But like, what’s the point of hiding it from Junta? And if this dude is going to blackmail you, what are you going to do to make sure their demands end or don’t get to the point that they’re unfeasible to continue giving in to them?

HAHA OH WELL!

Takato doesn’t even get to see the paparazzi again, his producer finds out and sexually assaults him to PROVE A POINT!

AND BOY HOWDY I’M WAY INTO THAT TROPE! LOOKING AT YOU OURAN HOST CLUB!

Cause HAHA nobody could literally want anything out of a wealthy, well-connected actor other than gay rape amirite?

Meanwhile Junta is cultivating a rumor that he’s having an affair with an actress. Cause of fucking course Junta figured that the only reason his boyfriend (whom is often upset at how shitty he gets treated by him) is an elaborate ploy to protect him from the paparazzi. But you know OF COURSE we see the actress and Junta flirting a bunch to stir the pot in a private setting but like…they only need to be seen on an outside date once. This means that he’s fucking lying if he says that he only did it to SAVE BOTH OF THEM FROM THE PAPARAZZI. He was getting a kick out of it, which I think you could argue that he was being unfaithful or in the very least being a fucking dick about it.

But, Junta goes on TV and says that he’s not having an affair with the actress or with Takato but he is moving in with Takato.

Yeah nothing dispels rumors of an intimate relationship like the announcement that they’re MOVING IN TOGETHER! Now, as I understand it, the housing market is very different in Japan from the west and therefore it’s less of a huge TELL of an intimate relationship if two people move in together. But even if that’s the case, saying you’re moving in with someone you’re accused of having an affair with…is not helping my friend.

However it is phrased this way, and immediately the entirety of the media believes this whole-heartedly, and the paparazzi guy (despite having a much more damning picture he hasn’t released) is like, “Wowzers he’s so smart, he has BEAT ME! I’m giving up being paparazzi. That man CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER! HOW COULD I EVER THANK HIM!?” Even the fucking company that hired this paparazzi guy is like, “WELL I’M TAKING MY BUSINESS IN A NEW BETTER DIRECTION! THAT JUNTA GUY SURE, SHOWED ME!!!!”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!? You might as well have every criminal in Japan throw their hands up going, “WELL GOLLY! DID YOU SEE HOW GREAT THE ACTUAL RAPIST AND ABUSER JUNTA IS? BEST NEVER DO A BAD THING EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

GO EAT EVERY DICK!!!!

That’s pretty much the end up to this point. I mean, there are some odds and ends chapters here and there but they’re pretty much excuses for sex chapters. And like, even though those are pretty rapey, I kinda respect them more than when you attempts to interject some semblance of relationship drama, cause holy hell that paparazzi shit ugh.

Though if you’ll allow a side rant from me about how the story treats sexual assault. According to the author it comes in a lot of flavors and most of them are awful.

For one: if it’s a hunky guy who loves you: Rape is great.

For two: if it’s a hunky guy but you already have a rapist errr boyfriend: You’re cheating.

For three: if you’re being obnoxiously sexually harassed by your superior….BUT YOUR PRODUCER IS AN OLDER EFFEMINATE GAY MAN: It’s hilarious and harmless and helps cement your Marty-stuness.

For four: if a woman is being groomed by a superior: It’s a bad thing that should be stopped.

3 and 4 happen within the same chapter but the author is so oblivious at the hypocrisy of the framing it’s absurd.

Story

Okay so the story is a mess. The relationship progression goes way too fast for it to make sense, and negates a lot of the drama you could have had. It’s possible that the editors wanted sex ASAP for some kinda quota, and that’s not necessarily bad. But it really burns my biscuits when people think, “Oh that means lead with rape and that they’ll be in mutual love by chapter 2.”

Sure most tsundere stories have a bit more lead up until the uke can confess he likes the seme back but this is not the right way to break that mold. The hairpin turn makes no sense and neuters a lot of potential conflict.

It puts the comic in a pacing hole to start and the rest of the story does little to mitigate this. I think there was an attempt to rectify this by going back to the story BEFORE they were a couple. However that was horrible botched as well. It brings the pacing to a screeching halt with a volume of Junta being like “OH NO HE’S HOTTTTTTTTTTT” despite the time devoted they do very little to give them an actual relationship or investment in his personality. It’s all a one-sided pining boner for hideous wiggle mouth.

The content of the writing is just embarrassing too. I can be a more forgiving in the sex-excuse side chapters. But like there’s a side chapter when Junta is magiked into a child and for like what? So we can coo, that the author drawing a small snowman with a poorly defined face and pretending it’s a child is super adorable?

So we can excuse the shitty way Junta behaves? Is anybody weirded out that 3 year old Junta is more thoughtful and respectful than his adult-self? YOU CAN’T EVEN WRITE HOW CHILDREN BEHAVE YOU STUPID SIMP! UGH!!!!

But also the arc on the paparazzi just ended in a total train-wreck of awful writing no question.

Sexual politics:

They’re fucking atrocious here.

1.) The first scene is framed as a brutal rape but 30 seconds later its fine and they’re in love.

2.) The handling of the ~worst rapist~ trope with big buckets of victim blaming and as if Takato was ~cheating~ is horrendous.

3.) The worst rapist is also a sex worker. So we’re framing sex workers as bad people and sex work as a bad thing. BUT GOLLY KEEP DRAWING GRAPHIC SEX SCENCES!

4.) The sexually predator producer of Junta being framed as harmless cause he’s effeminate is god fucking awful. It’s also this bizarre homophobic double standard that this man (and by extension his gay brother) are a joke because they behave stereotypically gay and aren’t ashamed of being effeminate. MEN ARE ONLY HOT IF THEY ACT LIKE PREDATORS IN A MANLY WAY, OR ARE ASHAMED OF ANY SEXUAL SUBMISSIVE OR EFFEMINATE TRAITS THEY HAVE! I LOVE WATCHING MAN ON MAN SEX BUT SO HELP ME GOD IF THEY’RE ~GAY ABOUT IT!~

5.) They ~sorta~ take sexual harassment seriously when a female actor is being groomed. Like they joke about it but also DO SOMETHING TO STOP IT really fucking muddles what we’re supposed to think about sexual abuse at all here.

6.) Takato’s producer sexually assaults him to ~prove a point~ that Takato is putting himself in situations where rape COULD happen. The fuck is this horseshit! “These men could do the very bad thing of raping you. Let me demonstrate what that bad thing looks like cause I’m sure you’re UNAWARE!” THE FUCK!? Also this sexual assault is framed more seriously than Junta’s producer because this producer is coded as MORE ATTRACTIVE and less openly QUEER! ONCE AGAIN I EXCLAIM! THE FUCK!?

7.) Takato OPENLY describes Junta as scary and calls his acts stalking, kidnapping, bullying, blackmail, threats, and rape. He also tries to actively avoid his boyfriend at times, yet are we not to take ANY of this seriously? Are we not to take this seriously cause this behavior is acceptable when the one dolling it out is attractive and charming? Are we not to take it seriously because we can’t except Takato to be honest about how he feels about any of this? I don’t believe in given a blanket free-pass when Takato doesn’t consistently express desire in Junta’s abusive tendencies. Like maybe you can argue some of the sex is consensual but can you argue that Takato is into the blackmail, when he never mentions he likes it? Can you argue he’s into the non-stop attention when he SOMETIMES BEGRUDINGLY admits he enjoys it? If so does just that get a blanket pass?

JUST UGH! YOU’VE GUYS HAVE PROBABLY HEARD THIS RANT FROM ME BEFORE I FUCKING HATE TSUNDERE SEXUAL POLITICS!

Characters

Takato

Okay so Takato. What’s this dude’s deal?

Okay let’s start with some boring basics: He’s a hard-working actor who strives to be professional. He’s a perfectionist, who seems to easily and joyfully take on the role of mentor/protector. He does seem to take himself too seriously at times. He appears to subtly prod at people who have wronged him or others rather than confront them directly. He’s also shown to be a tsundere with a submissive streak.

There’s nothing bad on its face about this characterization. However Takato is described as an intelligent professional actor, with years of experience. Yet his handling of the paparazzi thing is pretty much he goes to shit and opens him up to more rape cause lol hot. I could maybe understand this characterization if the paparazzi thing really hit Takato on a personal level and he made some irrational choices due to feeling as if he was being attacked or that he was going to permanently lose his job.

However he is shown as calm, as he’s making these choices and openly states that he will gladly give up a career he worked so hard for if it would save Junta’s career. Did he not, even for a second consider he could save both of them? This is not consistent with his characterization and it exists to put Junta on a pedestal he does not deserve.

SPEAKING OF…

Junta

So…this fucking guy. Junta is a young up and coming actor with early success. He’s shown to be an impulsive, passionate person who relies heavily on an ~angelic charm.~ He has no shame in using calculated, underhanded methods in order to achieve his goals. He is shown as impatient, has a temper, and is openly disrespectful to his partner.

Yet the world fawns over him with praise for how attractive, charming, and ~resourceful~ he is. He is described as having a few low wage jobs out of high school and therefore he’s an expert in EVERYTHING FOREVER!

I believe they were trying to humorously contrast Junta having a sweet, innocent angelic charm, with the reality of him being an aggressive a-hole. However they do not frame the aggressive a-hole side of him as bad but rather as HOT. Like I GET THAT on some level but since he’s a manipulative, abusive, rapist, it just reminds me of all the REAL LIFE INDIVIDUALS who put on a good face for the public but to their partner they’re monsters.

Art

I legit hate this fucking art. Like straight up and down, I have a hard time even reading it on a visual level. Like the anatomy is OKAY and the backgrounds are OKAY but a lot of it is less than okay. The worst culprits are the character designs, the necks, and the expressions.

I am so done with mediocre artists churning out, not only same-faced characters compared to their own art, but characters that are basically same-faced compared to the main-stream. The only thing unique here is that Junta has dark hair underneath his lighter brown hair. OH GOLLY! It’s so fucking bland and Junta’s got best seme in the Chil Chil awards and I’m so salty about that I could give the dead sea a run for its money. UGH!

The necks are super long, thin, twisty, sharp angels, and with her sad attempts at tendons it looks as if they’re constantly tense. And in worst case scenarios they don’t look as if they’re attached to even half of the chin. Yeesh!

The expressions…fucking lord. In the best of times, the facial spacing is just bad, with eyes and mouths off center, and ears too low. The author has no concept of how lips/faces work so all the kisses are REAL BAD. It’s either just like…triangles smashed at each other, no lips involved, or they’re like 1 foot apart layering their tongues on each other like they’re building a fucking sandwich.

The worst of times is Takato’s sex faces. THEY MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT-SCREAM!

Basically he squints and his eyes get so watery it looks as if they replaced his eyeballs with just well…water. You can’t make out pupils, irises, NOTHING! But the mouths are the pinnacle of puke-inducing. They’re these enormous squigglies with no rhyme or reason, just oozing saliva like a breach in a dam. At best they’re cartoonish in an unerotic way. THESE SQUIGGLES! I CAN’T STAND THEM! YUCK!

TL;DR

Poorly drawn and written Rapist/Tsundere garbage. While it doesn’t hit EVERY little overplayed trope, it’s still pretty cliché. Just, it’s similar and up there with Junjou in the shitty department if you ask me.

#Dakaretai Otoko Ichii ni Odosarete Imasu #Help I’m being harassed by the 1 sexeist man!#review #comic critique saturday

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thequietoftheroom · 5 years

Text

Hi. Is this thing on? Lauren Graham said in her new book that we should write more so this is my attempt at that. Oh by the way, I started reading again. I write these for myself so why don’t I just use “we”, but that will probably be weird reading it back. I’ve read Feminasty: The Complicated Woman’s Guide To Surviving The Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself To Death, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life From Dear Sugar, and now I’m almost done with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls To Gilmore Girls. I’ve gone through several lists to pick out the books I plan on reading in the next few months, at least if I can afford them, but I like to think the books I ultimately bought found me and not the other way around. I have been read cover to cover, my soul pierced, and my mind opened. Of course fiction books have a similar effect but I never thought I would be interested in what people had to say about this grand thing called life and I learned that I cared a whole lot, not because I wanted to model myself after them but because I care about people and reading their explanations on life is like suddenly remembering they’re my best friends and they’re just catching me up on little secrets that come packed with nuggets of wisdom.

I got myself into several situations I never planned on getting myself into even though the red flags were there and even though the people very openly said “Hey, this is exactly who I am”, but you know how your mind works when you have anxiety and depression. You start to convince yourself the puzzle pieces you find yourself assembling are actually part of the picture even though they don’t fit because deep down you’re trying to finish the puzzle of your life and no one is giving you quite the right pieces. In other words, and to quote my friend Allie, I drank a nice glass of “dumb bitch” juice. Which lead me to want to consider joining a dating site sooner than I planned. I know these things take time but it’s been 3 days and I’ve sent 40 likes (I think that’s how okcupid works idk) and practically got 0 back. Here’s why that sucks. On okcupid they focus strongly on your personality and beliefs. So someone not only saw my face and said “yeesh no thanks” they took the time to get to know the information about myself I put on there and were still like “yikes I don’t think so”. So all in all this was an experiment in derailing my self esteem and increasing my depression. What crazy color will I dye my hair to suddenly avoid dealing with my problems? Or maybe I’ll give myself another buzzcut. Stay tuned!

On a serious note, a lot of the stories I’m reading made me SO relieved that at 27 I’m still very much single and have only had 1 relationship which wasn’t that great (it was both of our faults). There were so many stories and anecdotes about young love being messy and about true commitment coming in your 40′s. Honestly, idk if I can wait that long. If NASA and the CIA and the FBI were like “you have been randomly selected to test mating with androids” I’d be like “yes please but can I choose their face”. I mean realistically I’m in the worst position to be in a relationship. For one, I don’t have much money saved because I’m sadly addicted to ordering things online, most of which are either useful to me or to my job (and no I don’t get reimbursed but I think the prospect of waiting for something in the mail to kill time is momentarily greater than the prospect of having more money later). I still live at home. Obviously, that’s a hella yikes and tbf I’m reading to get the fuck out of here but {see A: i have no money} and I have no one to move in with. I keep doing extensive research but I learned that in 2018 everywhere is problematic. So as much as my love for NYC is slowly fading I also realize this is it for me! I’m a city gal who needs to be surrounded by diversity. I can’t do suburbs and I can’t do living near more than 50% white people. I’ll die. I know that’s discriminatory but we are in the dawn of BBQ Beckys so can you blame me when the majority of white people keep voting against my existence. So I’m stuck. Every once in a while I look up “most LGBT friendly places to live” or “least racist places to live” and hope there’s a magical place with both but there isn’t (especially since, hello, twinks are hella racist). But I’ve literally cuddled my body pillow to death: it broke apart and I need a new one. And I learned I can’t fall asleep unless I’m cuddling it because I’m that lonely.

Everything in life is so complicated. I hate not being out at work but at the same time everyone there is ignorant so I wouldn’t be any more comfortable having them walking on eggshells around me. I love the individuals though and sometimes I feel very motherly or big brotherly towards them and they make me REALLY love work. But I want to be me. And I want to get rid of my legal name. Every time someone calls me John I die inside. Sometimes I don’t even respond because I have to be like “oh shit that’s me”. Can I change my name now? Probably, just have to have the money and redo all my paperwork at work? Will i? No because then either a) the individuals will have to learn my new name and their lives are confusing as fuck as it is or b) i keep my current legal name as a nickname but then it will get confusing for paperwork. I don’t like inconveniencing people that much even for something super important to me. I’ll just die inside until I save enough money, do my last few undergrad psyche classes, and then get into grad school. So like in 5 years, knowing me.

I’ve developed some little crushes here and there but most of the time it’s people that live out of reach or are straight or bottoms or any combination of them or I can just tell they will never like me in that way. So honestly, why bother. I miss the days when I didn’t care about this and the only thing plaguing my mind was what show I should marathon while building in minecraft.

Speaking of games, I play a lot with my friend Sal. He’s like my best friend which is weird because he was my boss once on a minecraft server but now I can’t ever think of him that way? He’s more like an older brother now, even though he’s younger than me. We talk a lot and also enjoy a lot of silence, and introduce each other to different games and shows. But mostly games. We’re both obsessed with 7 Days To Die and I check constantly for news about the update (no set dates for Alpha 17 AHHHH). To fill that void we started playing Fortnite, which I know a lot of people make fun of but it’s actually fun. Here’s a fun fact about me: I can’t take serious games serious so if there’s no building element, or fun element, or explosives I can blow things up with, I won’t do it. I have 0 competitive bones in this body. I like to have fun. That’s why Fortnite is perfect because it is a competitive FPS type game but it’s also a parody of that genre and it’s so whimsical. Save The Day is a lot like 7 Days To Die so that’s been fun. Listen, when you play a game with someone and you beat it, especially a survival game, it’s such a relief and you learn so much and it’s like you went on a literal adventure with that person. Did Sal and I actually get stranded on an island full of mutants and cannibals? No but that’s what it actually felt like after finishing The Forest because it was that real for us. My love for Pocket Camp is fading because it’s the same stuff, new textures. I mean the prospect of having a cute camp is fun sometimes (fun enough for me to spend way too much money on it. HELP!) but now it’s like “oh they just stand there and I don’t really do anything”. ALTHOUGH they are saying that now they are adding a LOT more gameplay to the point that you need at least 1gb of space of the game so I’m excited. I’m still obsessed with minecraft so there’s nothing new there.

Here’s something weird. I spent much of my time, when I identified as gay, being annoyed at gay stereotypes and mostly twinks being like “if you don’t do x,y,z you might as well be straight”, so much so that now that I came out as queer those things still bother me and I have to be like “it’s okay that’s not you anymore you literally figured this out which is why you’re this person”. That’s how I should introduce myself tbh “Hi I’m the Q in LGBTQ”. I don’t care about fitting in but because of my lack of in person friends sometimes I worry that maybe I should care, just a little. I’m so tempted to try Tinder just for that but then I think of all the people who have Tinder that live in this building and I’m like God that is a huge mistake. I need a huge life change. I need someone to come in and shake up my life but no one has volunteered. I’m kind of regretting thinking of all those stupid romantic things like “Oh I want my future boyfriend to teach my how to ride a bike :)” “I want my future boyfriend to take me traveling” “I want my future boyfriend to serenade me”. I’ll just become a full on Capricorn and teach myself everything, travel the world alone, and serenade my goddamn self.

Speaking of which again, can my depression like.. not? I was so into learning and practicing chords daily and I just stopped? Like my motivation was like “It’s been a nice 1 week. back to not caring about anything again” I mean I started to try to learn Burn and Satisfied from Hamilton (well, “learn”) so I at least have interest and I still listen to classical music and jazz to light that fire under my ass but still. I’m just going to do what I always do and restart from lesson 1 and hope I make it to 3 although my extensive research of chords has already put me at an advantage for lesson 3, which is chords. Of course I would go and try to learn something in an unstructured manner because I have a problem with routine and authority even when that authority is me.

I should write me. Which reminds me I was going to write about this one dream I had on my regular blog. See ya!

#personal #2018

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