#if I don't do it it doesn't get done

[chargetheintruder]

(Personal, Long) This is why I can't use 9-1-1 currently.

Yes, there's the issue of not being able to call for an ambulance for my health concerns without involving the police. The last 3 times I tried to get an ambulance I got cops instead, and while they weren't hostile they were, you know, police, not medical personnel, and then there had to be a second wait FOR the ambulance. And the sad part of that is, that's a fairly GOOD outcome for the United States: too often you dial 9-1-1 and what you get is Death on Wheels as Officer Trigger-Happy and his boyfriend, Officer Panic Attack, show up locked, loaded and dogs off the leash. Everyone's hyped up, but it's for the wrong reasons, to say the least. Too many police show up with a "who do I kill?" mindset versus a "who do I help?" one.

But this one runs deeper than that. More on that below the break.

I've had fairly serious health issues now for years. I've just had to sit there and watch in horror as my life's fallen apart, piece by piece as I've become more of a shut-in due to my bladder, prostate and colon issues becoming a constant and life-wrecking hassle. No sleep, no real chance to maintain laundry, no endurance left to get out there and do things with, and yeah, having the COVID-19 pandemic and its dysfunction to work around has been a mixed blessing at best.

But the main thing of it is this. I was forced to move across town and nearly completely out of zipcode in 2019. I've been banished from a centrally-located neighborhood in my town to being nearly in the boonies in the town next door--now I'm about 3 miles away from the bulk of my healthcare and I have neither a car or the license to legally drive one. There's mass transit bus service, sure, and that takes an hour's ride plus a walk to get to many places near Carle Hospital in town. So basically, I have no transportation I can reliably use to get to places without a longer trip than what my lower-body will tolerate.

So I did, a few times, have to use an ambulance service to get there to try to get help. And I got dumped by the Emergency Ward--basically given minimal meds/help and then told to "walk it off" and "go home" on foot, once late at night, once during the day, both times without even being told what bus routes run out to the place, or what my options were in terms of transportation home (and what I'd be billed for those). And yes, dumping happens, it's a thing:

And the last three times weren't any better. I got help with bus route info exactly ONCE from a specific nurse who even helped me make sure I had bus fare, but if she hadn't been there, nobody else would have been. The next one doesn't count--it was on my birthday 2 years ago and like an idiot, I admitted my physical health issues were emotionally distressing, and making me crazy. This got me put out to the Psychiatric Ward for my birthday, and then 6 days-ish of my being treated like dirt in the name of CBT exercises and enforcing obedience to Nurse #Karen. Although to be fair, EVERYONE in the Ward was being treated like dirt, half-starved by the lack of medically ordered dietary options, half-left to rot for want of access to hygiene goods, and a lot of us were left to fend for ourselves (and wait our turns for the most aggressive people to get done and get out of the way already). Point being, I got no help for the physical issues (I couldn't and they wouldn't), but I did at least get a ride home, after a colossal hassle.

Third time? Look, one side effect of the urinary tract business is that I get water issues (swelling, pain, bloating) in my feet and lower legs. I can't always stand and walk a lot. So I did get pushy ONCE and insist on a ride home on a "bill me later?" basis, since a) I don't have a smartphone for Uber purposes, and b) offering me an Uber home might have been a HIPAA (privacy act) violation on top of that. So I now owe a back debt (some 6 months old) of $36 bucks to the ambulance service. Meaning that won't work again, but at the same time, I didn't have to "walk it off" and dead-reckon/waddle my way home either like an unhinged duck trying to avoid being Duck Hunted By Police Helicopter. (all while hoping I don't pee myself all over the Mass Transit bus trying to get home from Downtown Urbana, ugh)

My point is? I've been dumped by Carle facilities at least twice. I also know going the Mental Health route won't work since it won't get me even trivial aid for the bladder/prostate issues. They'll just accuse me of being a drunk and/or uncooperative and go into Prison Warden Mode.

When here's the truth: the week of my birthday last month, during the night of August 17th into the day of the 18th, I had a CYST pop audibly in my urethra, inside of my literal penis. I had planned to do something about my student loans the tail end of August, but instead I had to spend the next 2 weeks biting down volcanic pain and taking store-brand over-the-counter stuff to keep myself out of sepsis and to take the edge off of the pain.

And there's at least two more CYSTS where that came from: one in my urethra, a second lying quietly on top of my bladder. A simple ultrasound could detect them both. But nah. I had the CT scan done, and now people insist on shoving robot probes up my butt (colonoscopy) and up my urethra (cystoscopy, yes, even with cysts present) with minimal doses of over-the-counter numbing agent, because By God, Mandated Suffering, I've Gotta Be AWAKE For This Shit, said no one BUT the insurer. Nobody but the right-wingers at Carle and Aetna actually want this. There's probably laws on the books keeping a Veterinarian from shoving robot probes into Dogs and Horses without knocking them out first, but nah, people are fair game.

But yeah. I have cysts, acting a lot like tumors. But Carle is like SETI. According to SETI, "It's not aliens because it's NEVER ALIENS, It's always DUST." Carle is "It's not Cancer because it's NEVER CANCER, because you're too fucking poor to help with that." Well, not unless you want robot probes shoved up your junk while you're being forced to be awake and watch your own torture.

If only I had the spare money to throw into having a bodily MRI done that I could submit INSTEAD OF the Robot Probing. But nah, that would be cheating, and expensive:

But mainly it would be Cheating right-wingers and #Karens out of their chances to gloat and chuckle over how "they get to suffer." And by suffer I might mean exploding cysts, and also having to deal with butt-seizures every time I fart or drop bowel, and near-constant blockage issues happening between the colon, prostate and bladder in there. Really, my life's been ruined for a couple of solid years already. I've already BEEN made a neutered shut-in by this condition, so Nurse #Karen and her radical feminist buddies can party and gloat and laugh right up until I Bite The Dust.

What am I saying? I have flagrant cysts. I do NOT feel good. I'm exhausted and in constant pain. I have anywhere from a few days to a few weeks left to live, and this isn't intentional on my part. My shoes are worn out and I don't have decent clothes left for a final trip to the hospital anyway. When the landlords kicked me out of town and Carle made all of this so difficult, they both sentenced me to death, and for what, being a townie on their precious Campus? :p

Something like that. I say that because I have to block a LOT out of my mind and make whole days and weeks a Blank Space just to NOT be traumatized by "everything, all the time" the way some folks say I am. I already have to block out and/or de-escalate from a lot as it is.

But yeah, I might be involuntarily dead or something, sooner than I'd like to be. Whether it's a few days or a few weeks, I don't know, but it doesn't feel so good, particularly around where my kidneys are. Things have gotten WORSE-worse. I will hang in as long as I can, but I can't promise miracles.

#long #personal #health issues #dying #9-1-1 use #having to do it myself because I live alone #if I don't do it it doesn't get done #emergency wards #emergency wards DUMPING people #mandated suffering #Medicaid client #possible cancer issues #mental health issues #transportation issues #MRI scans #MRI scans versus robot probes #versus cystoscopy #versus colonoscopy #getting help #might be too much to hope for now #doing what I can but there's not a lot left for me to work with

[hychlorions]

What if I told you that I've fallen?

[ID: Art of Susato Mikotoba and Haori Murasame/Rei Membami, done on a stylized background of swirling cherry blossom petals. Haori is falling backward, pulling Susato with her, so close that their noses are touching. Haori closes her eyes as she pulls off Susato’s cap, while Susato — still dressed as Ryutaro Naruhodo — looks down at her with eyes wide. The background is suffused with the faint colors of the lesbian flag. End ID]

#susahao #susarei #susato mikotoba #haori murasame #rei membami #dgs #tgaa #dgs2 spoilers #<- i guess ! #.png #me: ok we've done our fill of comms for today let's do something quick and easy (doesn't do that) #this is a nightmare to tag actually. why does she have two names #also here's to hoping external links don't get hidden on here anymore i've been living with that fear since 2019 #do i think that song fits them. i'm not sure. it's just stuck in my head and i don't wanna use kiss kiss fall in love

[kineticallyanywhere]

Time & Space pages 1-2 ( This is the start || ao3 (not yet!) || next ) Starts less than 24 hours after the death of Willy Stampler. With the job done, there's finally time to sort some things out. They just need the right amount of space.

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #normal oak #henry oak #normal oak swallows garcia #dndads 2 #fanart #kineticallyart #time & space #Coming at chu live from my first dance chaperone duty #Monkeys paw is not over btw! In case this made you nervous #I'll be doing both #Next 4 pages of mp already in the works #They're delicious you're gonna love them #Anyway canon didn't have the framework to peel apart the oaks like a surgeon with a grape #So here we go :) #Don't worry normal i gotchur happy ending #For you. Personally. #Anyway i don't have this planned quite as meticulously as mp #Plotwise #But the script doc is like 6k words long so there's gas in this tank #That said updates on this will be slower than on mp until mp ends #Getting mp done is still priority 1 #Anyway (x2 combo) #Implied context here is that at the “Willy is dead and we saved the world” after party at the S-O-G's place #Normal kinda lost it #At who and what about doesn't really matter #No one's holding it against him #But the result is that they're not gonna let him pretend to be okay anymore #Normals done a lot of taking care of other people; time for other people to take care of him for a bit

[fisheito]

at last....yakumo with CHIKEN

#i have finally achieved Goal. i drew yakumo with a happy chickcen #legitimately there were several moments of me redrawing yakumo's eyes and yelling #nO! THEY'RE NOT UWU ENOUGH (makes the irises bigger) WAIT . TOO UWU (makes irises more oblong) #WAIT!! NOT MONSTROUS ENOUGH (narrows the pupils) SHOULD NOT HAVE MORE EYELINER THAN FOXY GRANDPA (shrinks the lashes) #did u know that chickens like to sleep on tall things? the higher they are the safer they feel? (according to my cursory internet search) #so i imagine when yakumo finally grew taller than the chickens' roosting spots #some of them started just napping on yakumo any time he came to clean the coop #and he'd be so scared of waking them up that he'd try to do his chores in the tiniest movements ever #several hours later grandma checks in on him bc hmmm! he's taking longer than usual! #sees him covered in birds+bird poop and he's aaaallllmost done cleaning with his restrained broom sweeps #(birds don't stop pooping just cuz they're sleeping u see. how productive) #that's a cue for grandparents to move the roosts higher . bc yakumo doesn't have the heart to shoo the birds off him #he needs to get things done! becoming impromptu bird bed for 3 hours a day is not sustainable! #it's all for the good of chiken anyway. happy chicken happy life #nu carnival yakumo

[thelilylav]

We only see each other at funerals

(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)

The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art

#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings #it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again #it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open #it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying #it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss #so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone #like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever #i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze #and ALSO #it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives #LIKE #do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely #because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under #so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it #and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong #bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again #ok im done now i promise #the trials of apollo #trials of apollo #nico di angelo #reyna ramirez arellano #reyna avila ramirez arellano #web weaving #fanart #my art tag #thalia grace #jason grace #percy jackson #percy jackson fanart #bianca di angelo

[abrahamvanhelsings]

the hitch in van helsing's words when he says "i beseech you" im going to cry for real this time. it's not even simply that he knows how important it is that he gets arthur to trust him, that he's conscious of their duty to all living souls and lucy herself to do this to her and how difficult this will be physically and emotionally. it's that arthur now distrusts him, cries at him in anger - arthur, the man who looks like his lost son and whom he loves because of it. the man whose love and respect he may now never get back after suggesting mutilating lucy's corpse. he isn't just desperate for all the men in that room to trust him so they can give lucy peace and keep the living safe. that's the sacrifice of his father's heart splitting in two right there. wtf alan burgon.

#alan burgon owns my fucking life fr every time i think it can't get better and then he's on the next ep and it's like #*holding my heart in his hand* if i squeeze like this i can wring every single emotion you've ever experienced out of you all at once #i had to pause then relisten then pause again b4 continuing #of course arthur forgives him in the end! but vh doesn't know that while he's suggesting this! #he goes up to arthur and suggests cutting off the head of his fiancée and he has to completely depend on his powers of persuasion #(which are off the charts but that's neither here nor there) #what if arthur didn't want to come. he'd only be able to do to lucy what has to be done by dishonouring whatever trust arthur has left #and in any case arthur would always think him mad and awful and never forgive him for anything #i am back on my vh bullshit (i was never off it) yes im being overly dramatic abt it. don't care. #dracula #dracula daily #re: dracula

[insomnya777]

do you guys know that youtube dating show called the button. because i was watching it with my friend the other day bc we were bored and we were like this seems funny and i somehow got a boat boys fic idea based off of it. so if i make a fic about the button dating show will people underdtand or is it too niche

#let me know guys #my idea is just like. they just broke up #jimmy n joel were watching the show #jimmys like i dare u to submit an application #joels like bitch don't tempt me and he does it #and he gets accepted or wtv thats not the important part #anyways he shows up and his turn comes around and after a couple rounds hes sitting in the chair alone waiting for the next person #and someone walks up #and hes like Fuck i know that insufferable swaggering and that grating voice #etho sits down in front of him n just kinda blinks twice like what the hell r u doing here #they both open their mouths to speak but joels talking before etho can even get a word in #crossing his arms saying what do you think you're doing #etho rolls his eyes and says i could ask you the same thing #they bicker for like two more seconds and they're both really annoyed bc their break up ended not very amicably #the button flashes red #joel glares at etho “don't you fucking dare press that i'm not done getting mad at you" #etho looks amused leans back in his seat and doesn't press the button #after a second the button is like “i'm sensing some tension here” #joel snorts #and stuff happens. i dont know #do i write it yes or no #boat boys #smalletho #trafficblr #hermitblr #nya talks

[nakaremfarlei]

Was just thinking about the amount of animals Obi-Wan interacts with compared to literally everyone else and in the Clone Wars episode where Kamino gets attacked he literally gets saved twice by the same ray-like animal and just...

The growth from judging Qui-Gon for the 'pathetic lifeforms' he picks up to whatever he has going on during the Clone Wars era. He must have gotten that from Qui-Gon though, right?

And because it's my brain and it's rotting with all the star wars stuff I am consuming I was thinking of Obi-Wan saving all these creatures and the 212th having to deal with that. Surely they made one of the rooms pet proof in case one of them needs a new home. There also have to be clones who love that because of course Obi-Wan can't really take care of rescues on top of all his duties.

After the first few times this happens Cody learns to order animal food and other necessities. And if the Republic doesn't fulfill these requests or asks too many questions he'll just have to make sure to organize them on planet during the campaigns.

#maybe they even keep a tooka or two #for the morale #but seriously #i have been thinking about writing a soft crackfic about this #just the 212th travelling with a whole zoo #already made up my own clones and all #cody is very done but it makes his general happy so who is he to complain? #when the 501st learn about it they start bothering Rex about it #or they ask Anakin ans Ahsoka to do thr same type of Jedi magics #they want pets too can you blame them? #obi wan is pretty oblivious to all of this #he just wants to help!! #and the tenth tooka was looking just *so* sad what was he supposed to do? leave it all alone and sad and scared? #it's just chaos all around #but also so soft #clones don't get a lot of chances to pet any animals during their training and war doesn't really offer these opportunities either #so whenever other battalions work with the 212th and learn about their zoo they get excited #accidental therapy animals for the clones #and the jedi because what better way to find the energy to keep fighting and bonding with an innocent lifeform that gets affected by the war #adoptions go wild #the wolfpack asks Plo for wolves #Plo struggles to say no #star wars #tcw #obi wan kenobi #212th attack battalion #commander cody #accidental animal acquisition #I just remembered vaguely that in one of the Jedi Apprentice books Obi Wan has a bird on his shoulder?? #maybe he didn't get this from Qui Gon after all though I'm sure Qui Gon encouraged and reinforced that behaviour

[ptanalo]

I think they are just like this

#valorant #fade #neon #tala dimaapi valdez #hazal eyletmez #not rlly fadeshock buuut #fadeshock #I think they're like this in the first 3 months of fade joining protocol cause it do be like that when soemone drowns u in your fear #and she probably doesn't care that she did either like nothing personal type biz #don't get me wrong I like fadeshock fics that show fade caring but I feel like she wouldn't rlly be too sorry for what she did JAKSHDKJLASD #I mean she''s a bounty hunter she's probs done sum shit one way or another lol

[maxphilippa]

i think that the major misinterpretation that people have with taco is that she didn't get attached to mic because of her sad face in the end wanted to show regret because "she hurted her friend". like. no, she wasn't sad because she regretted what she did. she was sad because she's alone again, but she knows very well at the end that she had it coming. the reason as to why taco was so desperate of wanting mic to tell her that she did gain something is because. she SAW pickle in mic, but of course their situation is very different. "Oh but Taco couldn't have done what she did to Mic to Pickle, Mic was fully aware" but she did do that. Mic herself says it. That is pretty much what II is telling you. Taco isn't a good friend, and is not exactly a good person either. Mic was aware that Taco was/is a bad person, but Mic's nature makes her believe in whoever acknowledges her. Taco made Mic feel like she needed her, just the way she made Pickle feel back in s1.

she didn't really change thanks to mic. her faces of "regret" aren't her actually lamenting all of the stuff she did to microphone, but rather just her realizing that she proved what everyone said about her as a result. i will give it to that she might've tried to change, but not because of mic. she wanted to win the prize so she could prove others wrong on her being a loser and a coward, by being a loser and a coward. if anything, mic made her realize that she hasn't changed. she pretty much just ruined everything for everyone who saw her as a friend, and for herself.

taco's whole arc is constantly just downgraded to questionable takes and listen. i do agree that she is heavily flawed as a character. she is morally gray, but ii doesn't portray her as a good person with good intentions, nor she should be really be treated as if she was. neither she had those good intentions with mic at all, i mean, their "friendship" pretty much started because of taco wanting the prize money, taking a part of microphone's prize if she made mic won, you know, an offer. she would get the prize and mic would get recognition. but everyone seems to forget that probably, the main reason as to why she's doing all of this, is because she does regret how she acted on s1. she doesn't exactly regret doing all of that to microphone, and even if she does, it's for the wrong reasons. (that's because she did the exact same thing to you know, pickle, her once best friend, the only person she truly ever cared about)

people do tend to forget that taco keeps sending letters to pickle, and that's often just used for pickle angst and making it his only character trait, but. it's not that. it's the fact that taco keeps on writing those letters, despite fully knowing that she did hurt pickle because of her actions. taco's biggest flaw is that she can't accept that she has ruined everything and wants so desperately to be back on pickle's life because she ended up caring about him deeply as a person. as a friend. but she was never there at all, either.

taco can't seem to understand that she has hurted people badly. sure, she seemed like a "friend" to microphone, and you can argue whatever you want but a fact is that taco IS smart, and she knew that the only way to possibly keep mic by her side is pretending to want to be better, you know, the same way she pretended to be just a odd fella so pickle and her could remain together and have an advance at the game. she played with both of them. because both pickle and mic believed in her but were just used by her for the game.

however, taco does seem to regret the way everything went during-post s1. you can see how she yearns for another chance and is saddened about not getting it, but that's not only for comedic purposes, but that's because the writing is telling you that she won't get a second chance. at least not here.

what i want people to understand is that, yes, taco is a complex character, however trying to sugarcoat what she did is pretty much missing the point of her writing as a whole. she isn't a good person neither was she a good friend. she hasn't grown because she was never able to let go of something that she thinks that she can fix with some words and a prize. she thinks that she can still fix her friendship with pickle, she thinks that she can clear her name (even if she was the one who tainted it), but she only ended up proving knife right. she proved everyone right. she hasn't changed. a morally gray character is that. they're not exactly fully bad or fully good, but it's taco's actions that speak a lot. words are cheap, and taco's title is "The Liar", and that says a lot, because she kept on lying to microphone and to pickle on both of their games. she won't heal unless she lets go.

and i want to be clear here: i do think that taco can go through redemption. i do think that taco can become a better person, but not in the way people portray her to do so. because it just pretty much goes against what her arc has settled in for us, and the other arcs that were involved in hers as well.

taco's arc is meant to be somewhat a parallel with nickel's in a way. hell, even with knife's arc if anything. she treats knife as a simple bully, but when she saw that he became smarter and way more emotionally aware than what she had expected, she felt attacked by that, because he was stable. he became a better person and he was rubbing that on her, and it made her feelings of anger way worse regarding him, but it is true. knife is pretty much everything that taco wants to be, but here's the thing that made them so different:

knife stayed. taco didn't stay.

knife is accepted by everyone in the hotel because meanwhile he hasn't explicitly said that he had a change of heart, he has shown it through actions and a big difference too is that he was there for pickle, even if they weren't close in s1, and taco is on the woods because deep down she is aware that she can't go back. not if she doesn't have something to offer as an direct apology, but here's the problem. whether or not she got the prize, she still wouldn't get forgiven by anyone due to what she said that day.

again. her problem is not being able to let go and to accept when she has messed up badly. she has been lying to everyone but she has also been lying to herself as a whole. she can't keep on doing this because it's just hurting everyone and herself. keeping grudges and holding onto past friendships that were doomed to fall is just hurting her. she is not on the state to keep on trying, she wasn't at all ever.

taco's arc most likely will have closure on a way that fits her character, and i feel like that would be with her letting go of inanimate insanity as a whole and of what she can't fix anymore. her trying to find herself after years of lying to everyone and to herself. she's not a good person. but she can become one. only if she knows what she did was wrong and that her second chance isn't there, and never will be, and if she recognizes that meanwhile she did that damage, she can still become a better person. just not there.

pickle and mic don't owe her anything, especially pickle. taco does owe them an apology, but they won't accept that. the least she could do is to accept their wishes, understand that she needs to leave them and grow to be a better person. maybe, if she does that, she would actually heal.

she doesn't need anyone to fix her. she needs to fix herself.

#inanimate insanity #ii #inanimate insanity invitational #ii 2 #ii 3 #inanimate insanity taco #inanimate insanity microphone #inanimate insanity knife #inanimate insanity pickle #and no. this isn't to bring ship discourse or anything. get that away from my character analysis. #i feel like taco is a really interesting character. it is pretty sad that even if she's popular people don't get her #“she's a complex fem character” yes she is. however you are pretty much missing the point. a character regardless of the gender can do bad- #-things and have a good intention/or a way to try to make up for that in their actions. however she is a case where she can't get closure w #-ith anyone because of the way she is written/the way she was given that complexity. she won't get closure with anyone in the cast at all #because they won't really forgive her since she kept on lying and using them as puppets. she had a change of heart. sure #but that doesn't erase all the pain she has caused #i genuinely do hope she gets her eventual closure by letting go. she does deserve to be okay but not with the cast. #i feel like the best way to put is. she had a good wish (wanting to become friends with pickle and showing that she changed) #with bad intentions and bad actions (using mic to get the prize + lying to her + other bad stuff she has done to the contestants such as h #-arming them without a motive/just because.) #max does analysis

[filmnoirsbian]

The thing w the silly "no one does anything on this site" poll post that makes it so funny is that people TALK on here like they do things and then just...don't. And it's fine to not do things! But when someone who has never had sex talks about being a slut or someone who does not interact with their local lgbt community in real life calls themselves a "queer elder" it's just funny to me idk. Not just the "no one does anything" site but the role playing site. But instead of pretending to be a kickass centaur you're pretending to have an offline social life.

#tcp #making this unrebloggable bc the role players would get too upset even though once again: it's fine if u don't want to do these things #I'm never going to advocate doing drugs or drinking as a hobby lol it can fuck your life up not to sound lame but like as someone who's #actually been there done that. it can. and doing those things doesn't automatically give you a personality. BUT #it is weird to me how often people on here will talk abt being slutty but they don't like casual sex. or try to speak on lgbt community #issues but don't partake in the actual community (which does in fact mandate offline community action). and it's like ok so if u want #to do those things...go do them. yk? maybe it's just bc i didn't start being very online until i was already an adult and had done #these things but i simply don't get it

[wrexwas]

Jean-Baptiste Augustin in Baptiste Origin Story | Overwatch

#overwatch is in an awful place right now but i love these characters and the work the devs have done to create them #corporations are evil and cruel and capitalism needs to d!e. don't become an overwatch fan if you aren't already one tbh #on the one hand blizzard doesn't deserve me making gifs and promoting their game for them #on the other hand... this is a canon bisexual black man. a Haitian and an orphan. #when do you ever get to see those traits in media? let alone as a PLAYABLE CHARACTER #Baptiste's existence deserves to be CELEBRATED #baptiste my beloved #nesskain's art always goes so hard #jean baptiste augustin #baptiste overwatch #overwatch #overwatch gifs

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

couple of mello + near doodles

#death note #mello #mihael keehl #near #nate river #meronia #bright colors #eyestrain #been having fun w colors recently :3 #these are the product of me really really really not wanting to do some discussion boards #like i don’t even hate discussion boards but something about them has been filling me with dread i’d rather just do exams tbh #i'm like dragging myself through the rest of this semester but it's different from last semester last semester i was losing my mind #this semester i've been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night and go outside bc it's not freezing but also i'm just so fucking done #with school i've been here too long i'm tired but i'm always tired and will always be tired it's tragic honestly i think i'd be more cool #with school if i weren't living how i am rn w my family but eh i don't have the money to move out so it's whatever and it doesn't really #help that i know i'll have to get at least a master's to really do anything in my field and the though of doing more of this makes #me so tired i think i might take a gap year after i get my bachelors this fall idk #anyways enjoy my doodles or don't if you don't want to i'm not the boss of you

[pallanophblargh]

You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.

I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.

Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.

#text post #april rambles #it's stupid because I WANT to do it #but even wanting to do things doesn't trick my jerkass brain #the meds helped some things and fucked other things #I'm still trying to reshape my relationship with watercolor #I haven't touched it enough and yet I'm trying to learn more #which sounds dumb #but so is anxiety am i right? #so i've been poking linocut because i don't feel bad being awful or unskilled at it or whatever #it's no pressure #and I'm disproportionately afraid of pressure now #which is something the medication can't fix #now if only I could purchase motivation and courage #I'm just so worried I'll disappoint people forever #you know how vicious cycles are #anyway i'm gonna get things done one way or another

[2hoothoots]

It sounds like the Raz in your Villains AU would be more emotionally stunted than the proper FSAU Raz. I can imagine the Performer and Lover archetypes either didn't form to balance out the Agent archetype, or we have a Cassie situation. Maybe the Agent archetype usurped them and Raz ate his feelings.

It's not that I can't. I just find it more prudent to focus my energy elsewhere.

v!au Raz doesn't have any archetypes. he never really saw the need to develop any. what's a guy like him need a little doodle friend for? he's already a walking one-dimensional paper cutout

#future superstar agents au #villains au #also! look! first appearance of proto-agent and proto-performer #look at them they're so cute #they don't even exist in this timeline but aren't they sweet #but yeah. vau doesn't meet cassie and learn archetype projection #he probably gets taught it in the intern program a few years later #but never really clicks with the power #what do you need a tool for self-actualization for if you already know exactly who you want to be? #(he's got a few issues) #(ALSO tysm for all the other asks about this au. gonna try and get a few more responses done over the weekend) #fsau archetypes #BARELY but it counts and i want to be able to find this again

[maxybabyy]

literally losing my mind over your frat boys au klllllljkkljkllkklljll

please know it has been living in my mind since yesterday, so here's part two, aka what i actually thought about when i saw the original ask (@gaycrunch) ...

part i (re: this)

He finds him outside, hunched over on the porch with his phone in his hand and a half-full bottle of vodka open between his thighs.

“What’s a pretty boy like you doing out here all by himself?” Daniel asks, teases as he drops down to sit next to him. “If only there was a party somewhere, with like, good people and shit.”

Max grunts, barely moves as Daniel hooks his knee over Max’s. He brings the bottle to his mouth, swallows a mouthful of vodka as his free hand comes to rest on Daniel’s knee. “You know already probably, this is why you are here,” he says, digs a finger into the scar on his kneecap, the faded line from when he cut himself on a beer can.

Daniel does, was pulled aside by at least five different dudes who told him where Max had gone, “But I’d rather you tell me, Maxy.”

Max pours another shot into his mouth, keeps the bottle by his lip as he talks. “What even is a rose? This makes no sense, Daniel,” he says, and to his credit, he does sound frustrated. He’s a little drunk too, always is these days when the night falls, but Daniel doesn’t know if it’s cause or consequence.

“It’s an old school thing,” Daniel relents. He steals the bottle from Max’s hands and takes a tiny sip just so he won’t keep drinking. “Reckon I’m plenty sweet for the lot of us, yeah? Don’t need a lady to tell me how to act.”

He didn’t know frats still did this kind of shit, thought they were all past it now, that men could be graceful and charitable too. Hadn’t even thought to mention it to this year’s pledges, but then maybe, Max could have used the lecture anyway.

“Did you really tell her to go suck a bunch of dicks? Because if so, Maxy –“

Max huffs. His leg shakes underneath Daniel’s knee, jostles loose the slide he wears on his foot. “I of course did not say this,” Max says, snappish, taut. “She said she was the best at sucking dick, and I said, ‘this probably is not true’. She showed me this thing she did with her tongue, with her straw you know, and it did not look good, Daniel.”

Daniel chokes down a laugh, relents easily when Max reaches for the bottle again. He watches with unbridled want as Max pretends to suck off the lip of the bottle, interrupted too frequently by his own commentary on the technique.

Daniel reckons he’s right, the tongue is too much, barely touches the bottle at all. Not like Max had done that night, lips heavy around his dick, his tongue firm against the underside of the head.

“So like, you didn’t tell her to suck a dick?”

Max jams his elbow into his side, jolts when Daniel clams his hand around the top of his thigh to keep him in place. “Always this was not – Daniel, I would not say this,” he says, glares at Daniel when he doesn’t relent. “I said maybe that she had to practice more. I have of course sucked a lot of dicks, if she wanted to be like me, then.”

Daniel laughs, loud and surprised, and suddenly Max laughs too.

The Kappa Alphas are dicks anyway. They wouldn’t lose anything if Daniel took them off the social calendar, isn’t really a party if the entire frat can’t go, is it?

“Why didn’t you go home?” He asks after a while. The lid has been put back on the bottle of vodka, and Max has been fed whatever was left in his cup of water.

Two weeks after officially becoming a pledge, Daniel had found Max passed out in a pool of tub juice, white tee soaked in sticky sweet alcohol. He hadn’t vomited – Daniel doesn’t know then if he wouldn’t have just left him there – but Daniel had dragged him upstairs and into the shower. Had scrubbed the marker off his face but left the blue marker in his hair to watch the botched, fucking dip dye his hair had held onto for almost a week.

Max had slept in his bed that night, does it at least every two weeks now, cuddled up between Daniel and the wall. They haven’t fucked since that first time, since Daniel realised Max would be pledging the frat. But sometimes they kiss, and it’s. It feels nice, feels easy, breezy even.

“I have to wait for Carlos,” Max says, shrugs.

Daniel had elected not to pair himself with Max, chose instead one of the legacies who seemed to find power in whatever fucking hazing ritual Daniel threw at him. He kinda regrets it now, knows how shit Carlos must be at this big brother stuff. Knows he left more than an hour ago with Max’s friend from the lacrosse team, apparently without saying shit to Max.

“Nah, Maxy. You’re fine,” he says, squeezes his thigh again when Max hesitates. “Let’s go back to the house, yeah? Maybe Carlos is waiting for you there or like, we can send him a text or something.”

Max doesn’t look convinced, sceptic, like he’s the one who’s on his third year in the frat. But he takes his hand when Daniel gets up, pulls him to his feet. “Lando has the dorm tonight,” he says, shows him a picture of a sock on a doorknob.

It looks fake, but Daniel hasn’t actually seen it for himself ever. Like with the rose, doubted it was even done anymore. But then, Lando’s always been an odd guy.

“There’s always the couch if you want,” Daniel offers, shivers. “Or like, there’s also my bed. Probably the best if you don’t wanna wake up when Scotty gets home.”

Daniel doesn’t hold his breath, he doesn’t, listens instead to the crunch of the road underneath them. It’s no more than ten minutes until they’re home, Greek row almost condensed down to one block.

“Okay, Daniel,” Max says, quiet in the dark night. His hand brushes against Daniel’s, and he tries not to jump, stays still in case Max does reach out. “I think that would be very lovely.”

#get ready for the next part where max doesn't have a date for the *mumble* ceremony #daniel: that's okay! (it's not) you don't have to :) (you literally do) it's more of a frat bro thing anyway (it's literally in the bylaws) #in an alternate universe max is the frat's rose #disclaimer: am not american. do not know this 'frat' thing you keep talking about :| #i've watched maybe one episode of greek but that's enough right? #if i keep writing at this speed my thesis may be done on time!! #frat bro au #maxiel #maxiel fic #max/daniel #my fic #my writing #fic #answered #.arturleclerc #frat bros au