#if I ever want to gain something from it

[andthebeanstalk]

Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

#original #the last unicorn #tlu #peter s beagle #molly gru #schmendrick #schmendrick the magician #two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first! #my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped! #no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different. #to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life! #but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol #because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb #the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!! #my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘 #i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful. #and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE #mostly zoro's blades from One Piece #normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and #then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU #and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele

[moghedien]

when I tell you I would commit federal crimes for Michiru's backstory from her pov....

#girl got psychic powers and super powers and the ability to transform into a cosmic super soldier with absolutely no help from a talking cat #and then got visions of the apocalypse coming to get everyone and the universe was like 'you fix this' #and the whole time she was having a seemingly unrelated crush on a girl from another school but keeping her distance for everyone's sake #then she finds out that her gay crush is actually someone she's destined to be with #but for that to happen she also has to go and uproot Haruka's entire life and make her give up everything she's ever dreamed of #but also if she DOESN'T do that the world is gonna end #and so she starts projecting into Haruka's dreams because she has to do SOMETHING #and she tries to meet with Haruka and confront her because 1) she does genuinely want to be with Haruka #but also 2) the world will literally end if they don't stop it #but even as Haruka is like about to gain the ability to transform and awaken she STILL stops her #because even wanting to be with Haruka and knowing that they need to be together #isn't enough to make her ok with ruining Haruka's life #I GO FERAL OVER THIS #sailor neptune #sailor uranus #michiru kaioh #haruka tenou #long post #sailor moon

[time-woods]

I’m going to start keeping sunflower seeds in my pockets, so If I just so happen to die spontaneously in the middle of no where, a small mouse and or bird might eat them, and if not that, may those seeds grow into a large beautiful flower. to not let my body go to waste, to create something pretty with what energy my body can provide, to continue to be useful even in death, to at least do something

#now that I think about it I don’t think I’ve ever had sunflower seed #just a thought I had that ended up sounding way to poetic #sounds almost like a metaphor but eh #I just wanna know that something will gain from the life I’ve lost #I want something to win

[fisheito]

my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?] #honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it? #rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party... #maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰 #i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights? #or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakumo #rei #yakurei #replies

[transmasccofee]

OHH FUCK. FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK.

#tw suicide #“but you don’t understand the way I feel either; do you?” FUCKVKCKCK FUCKFKJRRJJJKMRUFJFJF #he spent the whole chapter putting himself thru so much stress bc he wanted to simulate the happiness of working to gain something #and he didnt even get that #i dont think ive ever seen a more tragic portrayal of the psychic powers trope before #and its from a sitcom?? a gag manga??? a silly funny????? wtf

[sinfulhares]

fucks SAKE

tumblr is ACTUALLY about to sell our data to dumb AI companies since they've already begun collecting it. and apparently it includes stuff from private posts, deleted blogs, etc. that seems like one heck of a breach of privacy and i am PISSED because if they can scrape data off a deleted blog, then what point is it of nuking our accounts?

I hope tumblr gets sued to hell, I'm so pissed off that the wonderful, unique community that has built itself here now has to migrate to other places. and there's no similar alternative (like how bluesky was to twitter) so everyone will scatter and it's gonna be hell to find fandom places

I've been here since highschool, I've seen this whole website change from the "cringe" stuff we talked about to actually understanding the world around us. We grew up, we grew stronger, and now we're gonna get torn apart

I want to hold hands with all of you, I want to stay together, I want to keep this unique vibe we've cultivated over the years, the shared experiences and absolute batshit memes we've created. everything sucks, the world is hard on us artists and creators of all kinds. let's stay strong, my friends. tumblr might be burning and crashing but we've done so much together, we'll get through this, and i hope we meet again in other spaces

Kofi || Bluesky || Sheezy || Mastodon || Carrd

#im not leaving just yet #seems like my art and posts have already been scraped which is fucking great #but im deleting everything from all my art account queues #you will not get any new art from me here so please come explore new spaces with me #we'll find something i'm sure #feels like this site will go down any moment if this keeps up #we're going down with the ship but we're singing our rebel songs #they will never stop us #we will support our trans siblings and our precious creators and keep all the joy we've gained through this site in our hearts #we will not be broken up by this #i love you all and i appreciate all the love and support you've shown me #i don't want to ever lose you

[dropthecop]

why did my boromir post get notes i'm scared

#my roommate requested Boromir Tags Rant in the replies of that post so i suppose i will put that here #BASICALLY it all boils down (in my brain) to people hating this dude for like. getting mind controlled. like it was NOT HIS FAULT‼️ #local man tries to take and use an object that specifically influences people to want to take and use it; mord at 5 #like ????? #thats the whole POINT of the ring that's the whole reason FRODO had to carry it. he was one of the few people who was super resistant to th #thrall and influence of it #boromir is Just Some Guy (i mean he's like royalty sorta-kinda or whatever but he's just human he doesnt have any special Ring Resistance) #it's NATURAL that he would be tempted #like we SAW what it did to bilbo. we saw him being possessive of it and using it more than he should etc. but when it's bilbo then #apparently people suddenly gain thinking skills and realize that he was being influenced by an outside force #but when it's boromir suddenly its a moral failing???? america explain #plus also like. he was overcome for all of 2 minutes. and as soon as he realized what happened he CRIED bc he was so disgusted w his action #NOT TO MENTION SACRIFICING HIS LIFE FOR MERRY AND PIPPIN #NOT TO MENTION THAT EVEN WHILE INFLUENCED BY EVIL RING 5000 HE STILL ONLY EVER WANTED TO USE THE POWER FOR THE GOOD OF HIS PEOPLE #NOT TO MENTION [gestures at everything to do with faramir] #like. think for 4 seconds. use your brain. would an evil man cry after realizing he was influenced into doing something bad #would an selfish evil man sacrifice his life to save 2 funny hobbits #anyway i like him #also from like an out-of-universe perspective boromir trying to take the ring shows the power of the ring. it shows that it was able to #overcome even this Good Guy Character. you are not supposed to read/see that scene and take away from it ''boromir is bad'' #you are supposed to take away from it ''wow the ring is SO POWERFUL that it could even influence such a good guy as boromir'' #THATS MY OPINION ANYWAY #OH ALSO WE SAW FRODO GET INFLUENCED BY IT. ngl i forgot that happened for a minute. but EVEN FRODO caved for a bit #theres a reason why boromir's death is framed as a tragedy. it's not a bad guy getting what he deserved #it's a good man who will be missed and who died too soon #do you Really think aragorn would have kissed his forehead if he was evil. come on. #AND LIKE PIPPIN SWEARING FEALTY TO DENETHOR OVER IT??? that's a whole other can of worms but AUGH. pippin.......... #Absolutely Agonizing. #can't be bothered to fix the grammar mistakes in this sowwy #my post

[batshikns]

i wanna vent about my distaste for myself and all the stupid things i do until i remember that's exactly why my friend called me manipulative

#batdiary #VENT IN TAGS #tw for manipulation and the whole shebang #i want sympathy and to be comforted but when i try to gain that it's stupidly over the top “oh im so terrible” #and i truly think all those stupid things i say about me #but they all come off as idiotic pity parties... #and i wanna just... let it out and say something but i just. it reaches the very tip of my fingers before i realize #im not gonna get what i want from saying that #its silly! it's idiotically silly/neg how i imagine all these things i want like love and care #but i just dont have them to the level i want them to be #<- and even that right there in manipulation! #ugh.... maybe its just self-pity and that just unintentionally manipulates people into garnering sympathy for me... #which is stupid and i never want to get close to anyone ever again

[persephoneflouwers]

-

#hello everyone how are you? #I hope everything is doing alright! from my part I can say life is treating me well lately #and I feel very light and okay #I am here mainly to get things straight #I saw an anon going around some other blogs talking about me #saying I am an hater and I shouldn’t be writing larry fics #I think this is the same anon that I blocked some weeks ago #because they told me I should not use Harry for clout (????) #and I want to say only one thing because I don’t care of defending myself on this website anymore and that is #it’s not clout and it’s not easy #being a (new) writer here is not easy because people don’t care what you do and there is definitely not clout around me #im not using harry to gain anything #if anything I am constantly questioning whether I am somehow good at writing silly stories and putting myself out there for people’s judg #*judgement. and I promise you it’s not always nice #especially when this place doesn’t like people who you don’t always agree with #especially when you are blocked by half of this side of fandom (larries because I had said something in the past that they didn’t like) #louies because im a larrie ergo I hate louis (???) and harries because i dont care about Harry as much as they do #so no I am not ashamed of writing and I am not ashamed of writing giving my characters #(that rarely have anything to do with H/L irl) thei #their names and physical features #and honestly people like you anon should definitely stop to play this stupid game of fandom police #deciding who can read what and who can write what #because this actions only affect new writers in the way that #they will be alienated. they will feel alienated #and this whatever this fandom is shouldn’t be about that #ever. you don’t know what people go through every fucking day #you definetely dont know how this sort of silencing mission you have going on #will affect people on the internet and their mental health #stop defending the imaginary people you think H/L are and start treating people in this fandom as actual human beings #and since you probably would like to know this: I am not currently working on any project because i am fucking scared of reaction like this

[zombie-boys]

hey guys so uhhh folks keep going back and forth between will being a baby or will being a bad*ss and i'm just so tired of it.......

like he is so much more nuanced than either one... (if you're going to read, please read the whole thing! thank you!!)

there are the baseline observations that will is quiet, sensitive, maybe a little shy; he's sweet and loyal and incredibly selfless; in addition, he's frequently a victim of terrible circumstances, with unfortunately little agency to fight for himself. none of these observations are objectively incorrect, even if they're just a fraction of the observations that can be made.

some fans flanderize how shy and sweet will is, framing him as a cute crybaby in need of protection (which is ironic, as will canonically hates when people treat him like that). to them he's a sad gay boy, a soft little angel with teary doe eyes; they attribute a stereotypical femininity to him, a helplessness, making him a fragile damsel in distress. these fans take the canon aspects of will's personality and warp them, not only making them larger than life but also romanticizing them.

an opposing interpretation of will seemingly came about in opposition to "baby will" - many fans were reasonably unhappy with this belittling take on him, and so highlighted other aspects of his personality.

great, right? it'd be nice for people to perceive will as a whole person as opposed to a list of stock traits... it'd be nice for people not to ignore character traits of his that don't align with their perception of his character...

but alas, these fans traded in "baby will" for "bad*ss will" - a take i don't like either.

"bad*ss will" comes in two varieties: bad*ss villain will and bad*ss hero will. the latter is better than the former, but not by much. both involve will being uncharacteristically violent and confident, standing up for himself in a way that often involves firearms.

before delving into either of these varieties i should point out that yes, will isn't just a sweet shy little boy. he's incredibly brave and incredibly resilient, able to survive the upside down for a week and stand up to the mind flayer - and yes, he canonically knows how to operate a gun. will is also shown to be stubborn at times; he's an annoying little brother, perfectly willing to point out how his siblings have no friends; he also does curse, even if that cursing is nothing compared to the constant swearing of his friends. will's a strong kid. i can't accept "baby will" because he simply isn't a baby.

...but does that make him a bad*ss?

some people really want will to stand up for himself in st5, to finally have agency, to fight back against everything that's harmed him; i completely understand that.

some people think that will should become the villain in st5, getting revenge on the people in his life who have demeaned him, neglected him, and bullied him. they think that will has been through so much that he'll snap, his kindness being broken down by pain. they want will to be a villain, a tortured soul with a traumatic backstory who deserves to give everyone the hell he got condemned to - they want him to be a bad*ss villain.

others think that will should become the hero in st5, getting revenge on the upside down for ruining hours life and the lives of his loved ones. they want to see him confidently wielding a gun against vecna, unfazed by the circumstances that would've caused him to run and hide in his younger years. they want will to rise up from adversity and stop being the victim - they want him to be a bad*ss hero.

what really bugs me about these interpretations is that they completely gloss over the aforementioned observations of will being gentle and cautious - even though they're true. saying that will is timid, that will is kind, or that will is scared is not the same as saying he's a baby - because being timid, kind, or scared doesn't make you weak. after all, there is no bravery without fear.

all of these bad*ss whatever wills are conjured up only after scouring off any trait picked up be "baby will" truthers, instead favoring vague notions of will's "sass" or the fact that he can operate a gun. they make will completely out-of-character all for the sake of a fantasy in which the victim miraculously becomes confident and powerful. yes, i want will to gain confidence, but nothing i've seen contributes any ideas about how that would happen - especially considering how in st4 will's self-esteem was as low as ever, tearing up when his best friend and brother say they care about him. if he's that surprised that they love him you can't seriously expect him to suddenly love himself.

not to mention how a lot of this "bad*ss will" stuff revolves around will using a gosh darn shotgun. the only thing being addressed is the fact that there is an association between will and the accursed weapon, and the fact that he has aimed it at an upside down monster before - while completely sidestepping the trauma the gun carries with it. will only learned how to use it because of lonnie's homophobic coercion, and only actually dared to use it when scared half out of his mind by an interdimensional stalker in his garden shed. in no world could will ever be slinging a gun casually, confidently, suavely - if he's going to be aiming the gun at vecna (which he would only do if completely necessary) he's going to be anything but calm while doing so. if you wanted that, you already have nancy gosh darn wheeler. (will does not need to be your girlboss.)

my point in saying this is that will is kind. he's stubborn. he's brave. he's hesitant. he's sarcastic. he's sweet. he's shy. and none of that is contradictory. will is a character, sure, but he's complex; if you dislike will's corners being rounded off so he can be called a baby, you have to understand why i dislike will's curves being sharpened so he can be called a bad*ss. i want will to triumph, of course i do, but i want it to be him triumphing. his whole self.

will was the victim. and he can be a hero. but he shouldn't need to be a different person too.

#stranger things #will byers #st5 #wise words from will #just for the record i'm not angry at anyone for drawing will with a gun #the potential of him reclaiming that symbol of stereotypical masculinity is something that can certainly be explored #and i'm not against him shooting vecna to be completely honest #i just think that because of the 'bad*ss will' idea forming in opposition to 'baby will' it's often done without much tact #without acknowledging how much he'd need to recover before he could gain even a fraction of the confidence people are ascribing to him #i don't really think will could ever be that confident. he could in no way be cool as a cucumber in this type of situation #even if he isn't actively afraid he could never be... posing hotly with a shotgun so mike can admire him?? idk it's not my fanart hhghhghh #y'know i'm just glad most 'bad*ss will' people want him to be a hero and not a villain #because people who think will would genuinely be a villain and would genuinely want to harm people drive me insane. i hate that so so much #if you think 'will should be the hero and he should shoot vecna' then i don't actually mind that much #it's when you start turning him into nancy 2.0 that it goes south for me #he can be a hero and he can have a gun but he will never be hot or a bad*ss or a girlboss while doing so #he will be shaking trembling crying saying to vecna 'i won't let you ruin anyone else's lives like your ruined mine! etc' before shooting #i want him to stand up for himself. but standing up for yourself does not mean you have to be fearless #shaking my head did we all just forget that el's strength comes from her emotion. from her love #why should will's strength come from anywhere else #he is sensitive!!! stop treating that like an antithesis to strength!!!!!! good grief #will byers shaky with the gun. i rest my case #also i hope you appreciate the dustin meme. i find it unreasonably funny

[wehadfaces]

i do think there is something poetic about me deciding to go back to school but to get a lesser degree than the one i currently have to try to move up

#besties i am thinking about going back to my Paralegal AS #i've always considered law school but a. it would be impossible for me to do it any time soon and b. i want to be sure i actually like it #this program would take existing credits from my BA as well so it would be even shorter #when i worked as a legal assistant at a corporate office i was actually engaged even though i know business law isn't my cup of tea #but god i feel like i'm wasting my life and if ANYTHING it'll make me more valuable/increase job prospects #and give me something to work toward #bc besties i am rotting!!! #rotting!!!! at my current job #even my MOTHER is like i think you should go back to school again for something #because this is the most unhappy you've been almost ever #the same woman who said not to waste my time with college #if anyone wants to weigh in please do the rope is a thread and the spool is spinning far too quickly #plus if even if i decide law school isn't in the cards for me i can gain experience and get work when i do get an actual grad degree #a

[wind-becomes-lightning]

... uh about a year?

#nisi reads nart #actually idont get what he wanted to gain from this #nwo that i think about it.. like what was he trying to do #apart from the narrative necessity of the nine tails attack to happen #what was madara trying to achieve with this? #was he trying to bring about tsuki no me ealry? and if yes why did he decide to wait another 12 years after #or more even #or was this a rogue obito action #if yes WHY? #am i dumb and sort of miss something here? #sealing nine tails in the edo statue would have been much easier from kushinas body #but obito let him run free #for what? #is that ever explained? #or is it just well obitow as a angsty teenager and felt like being a rebel against his “parents” #i mean that would be fun too

[cabbxges-and-kings]

richardxoliverxmayhew asked : If espionage wasn’t in the cards for you, do you think you would’ve followed in your fathers footsteps and became a lawyer, or judge, or some sort of man of the law?

Ask Abe questions and he's only allowed to answer with 'Yes’ or 'No’. // @richardxoliverxmayhew -- accepting

        𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, Abe's winter dwelling mostly focused on his spying. Well, almost everything in his life surrounded spying. For example, his root cellar, which was full of field tools, was quickly upturned into a hideout for his spying operations. But in those quiet winter months when the war seemed to abate, if spying was not in the cards, the apprenticeship act he pulled to get into York CIty was looked at with a desperate glimmer in his eyes when his coin bag was low. So however the war ended, a plunge into completing his law degree did seem a bit promising. He had all of the knowledge needed, he just needed the supervision for it. If spying hadn't taken up so much of his time, a career in law didn't seem unsuitable for him.

        ❝ Yes. ❞ It was a noble profession, a profitable one if he played his cards right and with growing up with a Magistrate as a father, he was sure he could make a solid living form it. Ensuring his son's future freedom was always seen as more important than anything else.

#asks #richardxoliverxmayhew #( 𝑩𝒐𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒑𝒚 ; asks (( Abe )) #( 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 ; Abe ) #( okay so the reason why he became a cabbage farmer is because of the whole marriage to Mary thing and dropping out of King's College ) #( but I do think Abe wants a sense of making his life his own ) #( he shared a similar interest in law as his father but I think in the back of his mind pursing law was to gain respect from Richard ) #( since Thomas was seen as the favorite and praised way mroe than Abe ever was ) #( I headcanon that before going to King's College Abe didn't relaly know what he wanted to do and did some odd jobs around Setauket ) #( eventually fell onto pursuing a degree because he would be closer to Thomas and Richard probably kinda pressed him to choose something ) #( which in turn with his law degree he learned more about British law and found some errors in it which rove him more towards patriotism ) #( I do see Abe maybe pursuing law post turn but that's likely because the real abe did just that after the war )

[aftermathing]

The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."

#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags #Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts #and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then #after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly. #No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there????? #This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries #and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof. #Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ?? #No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever #They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :(' #Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up #And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt #But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people #Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but. #Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap #And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me #Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand #Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong' #I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this #Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both #Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm #Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken #I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better #And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right #But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and #My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.' #'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you' #If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting #Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt #Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day

[peachinspiration]

dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)

#im in hell #that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real #my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually #and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am #it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom #and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure #it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t #make myself take more than 2 bites #the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself #something. omfgggggggff #I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it #more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do #and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting #addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore #my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance #but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working #it’s like wtf happened #I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way #and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything #it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he #doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing #and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative #but now it’s like #🪿 #yk what I mean #there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into #my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help #him with anything too #I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or #I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often

[chikoyama]

chiyori’s fav movies/tv shows/animes:

twilight

love actually

howl’s moving castle

train to busan

card captor sakura (anime)

sailor moon (anime)

beastars (anime)

horimiya (anime)

#headcanons #if anybody ever wanna watch one or more of these movies together i’m up for it! #or anything from your muses list that’d be fun too #i don’t like love actually but it’d be such a chi kinda thing #i also never watched sailor moon but something tells me chi would be obsessed #i already watched new moon w val c: #tempted to do a movie night/day kinda thing but i’d have to design a super cool invitation and who would even join lol 😞 #as my friend once said: fazil you’re not popular enough #well tbf i asked him if he wanted to intentionally start drama to gain influencer popularity lol #and he really had the nerve to tell me he wouldn’t bc i wasn’t popular enough.. yo