#if it doesn’t kill me I probably will

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[relaxxattack]

people will really write rose as a badass girlboss as if her main character trait isn’t hubris. as if her main story arc wasn’t her fucking things over for everyone time and time again by assuming she was better and wiser. oh you think rose is a girlboss? rose who intentionally allowed herself to be corrupted by morally ambiguous terrors because she thought it might give her a slight mental advantage on the game? rose who willingly went along with the manipulation of a groomer because she thought his idea of putting a tumor into the universe was smart? THAT rose? that rose??? why don’t you ask her where the green sun is. since she’s such a competent and intelligent boss bitch

#rose lalonde #homestuck #this isn’t to say she’s not a bad bitch because like. she is. she did let herself get corrupted to kill jack and it was sick as fuck #she looked cool doing it and i would probably let her step on me or whatever #that doesn’t mean she’s smart or knows what she’s doing ever though #rose is a petty and emotional mess #and a silly little freak too #i say this because she is literally my favorite character by the way. this is not haterism #im just tired of the Perfect Smart Alt Girl Trope #have any of you seen beetlejuice #hsmeta #my meta #op

[seilon]

officially enrolled in 15 credits this semester, 24 hours a week of which being just drawing alone. how quickly will I go off the rails and jump off a bridge? let’s find out!

#kibumblabs #if it doesn’t kill me I probably will #/hj #one of those 6 hour classes is one I took last semester that I have to retake because my teacher failed me for attendance reasons without #any prior warning- meaning I did a shit ton of work for nothing :) #so that’s super cool #if I can’t turn in stuff I’ve already done I swear to god I am going to bash my skull in #four art classes . i hate drawing so much I hate it I hate it I hate it #cant believe I’m going into debt trying to pay a ridiculously massive tuition just to have an inevitable mental breakdown sooner or later #i don’t even know if I want to go into a career in art anymore. i really genuinely have been far more leaning in the direction of #creative writing for entertainment (ie mostly scriptwriting) but who cares right. im stuck here this is my life now :)

[theaxolotlkween]

Silly little comic I made.

#the burnt lettuce part is probably true tbh #van kleiss just seems like the kind of guy who would smell like burnt lettuce #even after he’s no longer literal dirt just figurative dirt #rex actually does regrow limbs he’s like a freaky little mechanical axolotl boy #i wish we’d gotten to see what rex regrowing a limb actually looks like in the show and not just in the comic #it probably would’ve looked really cool and i want to see it #van kleiss probably learned that rex could regrow limbs by nefarious means and rex probably doesn’t remember it #which is probably for the best that man has traumatised him enough #i honestly didn’t mean to have van kleiss deciding to be a dick by giving an answer to noah and not rex #but i didn’t want to just have him stand there in the background because that’s boring #and it somehow fits the pettiness of who he gives information to willingly because it’s not rex and it almost never is #every time i watch the show noah and rex become even more boyfriends to me #also i think noah deserves to get in a dig at vk every once in awhile #like van kleiss did almost have him killed and he had to see van kleiss stabbing rex in the first episode #and van kleiss turned him into an evo once so like #yeah he should get to roast him sometimes #sarcastic unhinged trans noah my beloved #generator rex #generator rex fanart #genrex #genrex fanart #rex salazar #noah nixon #van kleiss #noex #theaxolotlart

[myrkulitescourge]

imo karlach’s soul coin usage seems like it should have been a little more significant than it was.

she only ever really stops to consider the magnitude of burning through a person’s soul for power during an origin playthrough—otherwise she rationalizes to the player that they’re doomed anyway, and if using them gives her an edge in combat, why not use them for good instead of leaving them to be used by evil? the dialogue with lann tarv in act 2, where he tells the story of each soul he's handing over to her, tries to humanize each soul coin, and still she doesn’t really budge and disapproves pretty heavily if she's told no in regards to using them.

it just seems like something that could have caused some kind of conflict between her and wyll, given he sold his soul to a devil in dire circumstances and takes issue with the player for sleeping with mizora, because she 1) is mizora, and 2) similarly expends tormented souls during her romance scene, even if for a different purpose. but it just... never really comes up?

i love karlach. but that seems like it should have gone Somewhere, from a writing standpoint? karlach values wyll as a person but is willing to use currency forged from souls like his for the sake of a temporary power up. she knows the soul is consumed when she uses them. that whole exchange with lann tarv is there to emphasize that every soul coin she destroys was a person once. but it all kind of loses narrative purpose if this combination of factors doesn't mean anything? karlach doesn't change at all in her willingness to use soul coins, no matter what the player says or how much she cares for wyll.

idk. missed opportunity that wyll doesn't have any dialogue about this, of all things.

#destroying souls is otherwise unambiguously portrayed as A Pretty Bad Thing To Do in bg3. so it just seems weird to go #yeah using this destroys a soul but it makes me stronger and it feels GREAT! #and stick to that no matter what without really questioning it much #ethel's vicious mockery line about her selling every soul but her own just doesn't hit right if it flat out doesn't. matter at all. #plus. idk. something something soul coins apparently are difficult for non-evil characters to even have in their possession #so using them and fully destroying the souls within seems kind of. idk. significant from a character standpoint #disclaimer: not character hate obvi. i love karlach and her relationship with wyll is very good. #but idk. conflict is interesting! and that seems like somewhere it should have happened if you have both in the party #karlach sans wyll might never question using soul coins but karlach with wyll probably should have? #in the same way wyll's character changes somewhat whether he chooses to kill karlach or spare her #as it stands this is like how using the tadpoles makes a grand total of one roll in the game harder. there's no bite. no consequence. idk #not every character has to change to be good but idk. idk! #it all seems set up to make her reconsider at SOME point #and that she just doesn’t is in itself a pretty significant moral compromise on her part #that is just not. recognized or discussed basically ever #karlach #karlach cliffgate #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3

[rozugold]

You won…

#cw blood #dream smp #dream smp fanart #c!tommy #rozu art #don’t mind me I’m just going crazy over my version of the finale again #this guy is just such a tragedy… the lengths he had to go through to finally kill Dream #he had to do it alone and it’s just so unfair man #like even after that his happy ending doesn’t come for a while #he probably didn’t believe the totem would work either he tried so hard to prepare himself to go back to limbo rraahsgdghdhdjjd #anyways #I gotta use filters more theyre rlly fun #the end au

[letmeaddalittlebitofspice]

GO season 2 spoilers!!!

“Aziraphale rejected Crowley”

Did we watch the same show???

Ever since 1941 with the books, Aziraphale has KNOWN that he is head over heels in love with Crowley. Michael Sheen said it himself!! Between the two of them, Aziraphale realized his feelings first. Of course he felt like he shouldn’t because that little angel is jam PACKED with religious trauma and catholic guilt. He never wanted to be without Crowley. Because they are the only two who understand eachother. And oh yeah- they’re GAY.

When Metacunt asks Aziraphale to be the new head angel, Aziraphales FIRST response is “but i don’t want to go back to heaven” because he doesn’t think he can take Crowley with him (and ofc bc he loves earth). When Meta offers that Aziraphale could make Crowley an angel too, Aziraphale starts to consider the offer. Crowley had helped Aziraphale understand that Heaven was toxic, but now Aziraphale has a chance to change it. He sees this as his chance to fix Heaven, save the Earth, AND be with Crowley, all at the same time.

But Meta knows Crowley won’t want to become an angel. He sees Aziraphale and Crowley working together as too powerful, together they are far too strong. We saw that with the massive miracle they combined on. BUT if Meta can control Aziraphale, he can control Crowley too. All he needed was the opportunity to take Aziraphale away from Crowley.

Aziraphale goes back to Crowley with what he thinks is the perfect solution to all of their problems. Crowley shuts him down, because he thinks that there is no saving Heaven. He likes the life that they have carved out for themselves on Earth and doesn’t want it to change. It’s the same argument from season 1. Crowley wants them to run away together and damn the rest. Aziraphale wants to stay and fix things.

When Crowley confesses, Aziraphale doesn’t say no. He never says that the feeling isn’t mutual. Want he’s saying is “yes, and we can be together in heaven.” But Crowley doesn’t want that. The miscommunication is Aziraphale thinks Crowley hates Heaven more than he loves Aziraphale, and Crowley thinks that Aziraphale loves Heaven more than he loves Crowley. AND THEYRE BOTH WRONG. Nina and Maggie were right, these two idiots don’t talk. Not about what really matters.

The kiss is angry. It’s full of frustration and regret. It’s Crowley saying “look at what you do to me. why can’t you stay for me.” Aziraphale kisses him back. He’s holding him close like he doesn’t want the kiss to ever stop. Cause once it does, Crowley will leave. They’re both shaking because there’s so much emotion in these 7 minutes. And isn’t that so human.

Back to my main point. Please note that Aziraphale is not the one that pulls away from the kiss. It’s Crowley that breaks it (always the first to run away, huh). And GOD. Aziraphale looks so hurt after the kiss. Crowley leaves and he touches his hand to his lips like he doesn’t want that feeling to go away. Meta walks back in, and for a short second Aziraphale thinks it’s Crowley, but when he sees it’s Meta he turns away and wipes his tears.

They are so perfect for eachother but holy fuck they really need this break so they can GET THEIR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER.

anyways. i love them.

#this is also why i can’t accept the coffee theory/any brainwashing theory #the decision is just so Aziraphale #it’s in character for him #whether we like it or not #that is to say #i don’t think the ‘Give me coffee or give me death’ thing doesn’t add into anything #i think that if Aziraphale HAD turned down the offer to lead heaven #Meta probably would’ve killed him and Crowley #Love that we’re referring to Meta as Metacunt #cuz that’s what he is #these gay people make me so distraught #why can’t they be happy #i’m going to hunt neil gaiman for sport #/pos #Good Omens #good omens 2 #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #i am an Aziraphale defender until my last breath #my babygirl could do nothing wrong

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

Who hell do you think you are? You’re any kind of artist? Anybody knows who you are?

Maybe everybody else wants to enjoy the peace and quiet. This is one of the most important places in North America, and who are you? Who are you? You miserable, presumptuous, no talent- you’re no artist. An artist respects the silence. It serves the foundation of creativity. 

You obviously don’t have the talent. You don’t have enough respect for yourself or other people to know what it means to respect yourself, in music or any form of creativity, and I’m an NYU film school graduate. Sucker. And the school of visual arts in the academy of art university in San Francisco.

You suck. You’re a no talent. If you really have talent go practice and then get yourself a gig instead of ruining the day for everybody down here. You disgrace. You are everything that’s gone wrong in this world. You’re a self consumed, no talent, mediocre piece of shit. And I’ve earned my right to say it, okay? In 1975, I walked Bob Dylan up on stage. Who the fuck are you? I knew the Grateful Dead from 1966.

Who the fuck are you?

You’re nothing. You are nothing. And you will never be anything. Never. How dare you? You miserable mediocre nothing. Shame on you. You crack a stupid little smile, you little pimp. Go learn to play. You’re flat. You can’t even carry a fucking note. I don’t care about your little horn lip, it doesn’t mean you know how to play. You’re flat. I’ve trained classically, I’ve trained contemporaneously, and

you suck. 

Audio source

Original video that's being referenced

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #this one was so good it deserved a little effort. not too much though. you cant trick me into drawing that easily #pls dont ask why the style changes 3 times its just funnier that way (lie. i was testing brushes) #i need you to know that i go through these streams at work. and hearing this audio with 0 context almost killed me #filth was picked to be bullied because most enemies dont have mouths. filth also has no arms. which. makes it better tbh #no arms. no lips. worst trumpet player ever. asked to leave hell. #he doesn’t really do long requests so this one is probably the longest clip that will ever end up on here #voice post

[bubblinelovechild]

The RWBY fandoms treatment of Adam makes me very uncomfortable

This is very long sorry I was rambling <3

There’s something really odd about the dedication RWBY fans have to hating Adam. So much so that they’ll admit the writing of the WF is racist but refuse to admit that Adam a member of the white fang also suffered from that racist writing.

There’s this weird dedication to pretending there are no problems with the choices made around Adams character and vilifying literally everyone who tries to talk about it, for the sake of continuing to blindly hate him. The fandom seems to struggle with understanding that the show is fictional and everything that happens in it is a direct choice of its writers. Y’all talk about Adam like he is a real person who has personally offended you irl. Just a huge lack of media literacy tbh.

A white man wrote a civil rights group, that he admittedly based off the black panthers, as the generic bad guys of his shitty anime knockoff and made a central theme of the show the idea that fighting against your oppression violently makes you just as bad if not worse than your oppressors. Then he mad the leader of that group a generic abusive meanie bad guy. Who essentially is what white supremacists think civil rights activist are all the way down to being the fictional equivalent of a black supremacist.

When there was backlash to this he made a knockoff Malcom X and then killed her in her only scene and made a character whose ideology is basically sit down and lick the feet of your oppressors and had the audacity to say he was based off of MLK. How the fuck do you base a character off of somebody without doing basic research on them because contrary to what people seem to believe MLK was not a doormat and this is a conversation for a different day but I’m sick and tired of his memory being weaponised against black people.

What’s worse is that Adam is the only character portrayed as actually doing something to fight racism. Ghira’s faction is only ever seen fighting against other groups. I don’t know if y’all know this but that’s not how the civil rights movement worked. Most of the leaders didn’t agree on methods but they coexisted because the main goal was the liberation of black people and they knew they had to coexist. MLK did not go around calling the cops on revolutionaries he disagreed with.

The problems with Adam and the WF are not separate and cannot be. Most of what’s wrong with the Faunus plot line is the way the show handles Adam. The choices made with his writing cannot be separated from those they made with the WF overall. Adams choice to kill his attackers to keep himself and other Faunus safe, from people literally trying to kill them, is treated the way it is because of the stance they took with WFs writing. When Adam kills a human supremacist trying to kill Ghira you’re supposed to see it as an extreme and the beginning of his turn to evil. Adam isn’t a real person every descisiom he makes is informed by the white writers of the show. Why would the bias they displayed writing the WF not apply to him?

Some of you have been abused and relate to Blake in that sense, a lot of you seem to be projecting your abusers onto Adam. I’m sorry you went through that but you are not excused from buying into racist rhetoric. It’s incredibly uncomfortable as a black person to watch people talk about how “healing” it was for them to watch a civil rights leader admittedly inspired by black people slapped around and killed by two white women. It is anger inducing to watch fans celebrate “queer representation” dancing on the corpse of a monumental disrespect to black people and our history.

RWBY doesn’t even handle abuse well tbh and most of the queer rep is not that great, there are many shows that do it so much better, there is actually no excuse for hanging on to the black people are bad for fighting against racism show.

#before you start no i don’t give a shit about bumblebee #this really isn’t about them #i wouldn’t have had a problem of killing the civil rights leader wasn’t treated as a bee moment #this is probably the only post I’ll make on that show #im going back to strictly reblogs #let’s hope this doesn’t get me death threats #rwde

[whereismyhat5678]

OOOOHHHH PIZZAHEAD HAS A CRUSH ON PEPPINO- *get zap by his laser beam*

owie

Guys I think he likes Peppino- 👀

#Pizza Tower #Ignore the tags if you just wanna see funny art <x] #I haven’t answered asks for so long guys. I’m so sorry 🙁 #I’m thinking of just answering requests when I have the motivation to do it. I swear to all the asks that were sent in December I really #hope this doesn’t bother you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ #Idk I think I’m just kinda loosing it towards answering requests- They’re fun don’t get me wrong! But I feel like it’s something I HAVE to d #I’m probably gonna answer them one at a time. That way I don’t feel as stressed about it #I hope this doesn’t kill your guys mood. #Pizza Head #Also so real anon #Anon ask #ask

[humming-fly]

Meta Knight’s number one motto is “Be prepared”, and his number two motto is “If I get possessed again I better get something cool out of it”

Originally I was gonna put this poster in the background but it got cluttered so here it is on its own cause I still think it’s funny:

#I know everyone loves discussing how dark robobot’s plotline is in particular concerning MK’s forced cybernetics but please consider #he’s feral and would probably leap at the chance #he has several lists depending on what manner of abduction he's being subjected to this time #not one for looking a gift horse in the mouth #what doesn’t kill him should’ve tried harder cause now he’s got a lightsaber and even less morals than before #susie #susie haltmann #meta knight #kirby #kirby planet robobot #he probably already had like 3 emo playlists on hand for this type of shit this is the best thing that’s happened to him in years #susie is hard to draw it took me forever to figure out how the hell her hair worked in that helmet #given the bonus i could almost tag this as star trek als;kdfjklsdj #i Could wait till monday to post this for the meme but consider also: i crave instant validation and have no patience #doodles #my art #edit: whoops forgot susie's shadow in that last panel

[tongues-and-teeth-and-reblogs]

Silly sketches I did like a week ago.

Idk but the way they’re framing Dark Cacao rn with the whole “a bunch of people broke in tried to my steal my (fake) treasure and called me a fake immortal” backstory for Mystic Flour combined with the whole yin/yang symbolism in that one frame from the trailer and the fact that she still seems to want what’s best for cookiekind added onto the fact that Dark Choco (a character about second chances and forgiveness) is showing up in BY book 4…. Idk makes me think that maybe she’s getting redeemed or something.

Not a serious theory or anything, I’m totally wrong but it’s fun to think about. The beast updates actually being about the 5 heroes Friendship is Magic-ing their way into helping the beasts like come to terms with their situation and learn to coexist with the two halves of their soul jam.

Maybe that could be what the “Awakened” states are- becoming the whole soul jam light thingy. Or maybe just accepting their place as a half. Like I said, not a serious prediction it’s just fun to think about.

#can you see me struggling with Mystic Flour’s face? #bc an old HC decreed the ancient heroes had to look similar to the previous owners of their SJ #this was like a year before the beasts were shown in game soooo called it #anyway but whatever #also the way she phrased the stealing treasure thing kind of made it sound like SA but like. #they probably didn’t mean it like that #nobody even reads my tags so it’s like. eh #I really just ramble in the tags bc I’m embarrassed about using actual tags for my posts so my rambling really just acts like a buffer #am I repeatedly saying this isn’t serious bc someone vauged my completely joking post where I said Dark Cacao was a bit of an asshole? #because it was a joke. and also in books 13-14 she is an asshole #and in the post I made several other references to headcanons I had like Choco being transgender and DC having autism and also calling her #SHE/HER which she doesn’t use in canon? like I feel like you can tell that I was joking. #I’m not even mad I’m just befuddled #like I like their actual game analysis and respect them as a blogger but like???? why am I catching strays I think the post got like 7 notes #whatever it’s not that serious but like ???? they reblogged my art 5 seconds before posting it did they WANT me to see it??? like????? #anyway nobody asked normal tags now #girlblogging #crk #dark cacao cookie #dark cacao crk #mystic flour cookie #mystic flour crk #teethart #cookie run kingdom #anyway next update MF should tell DC to kill himself

[genericminecraftpotato]

As of right now, I’m just over halfway through both Wolf 359 and Malevolent and I think that Eiffel and Arthur should interact (it’d be funny as hell)

#Both podcasts are absolutely unhinged in such different ways like could you imagine #Eiffel: with all that’s happened sometimes I wonder if god hates me #Arthur: I met god once and I don’t even think he knows you exist #Arthur: the fragment of god in my head says god doesn’t give a shit #It’d be such a terrible idea they’d probably kill each other after 5 minutes but it would be a memorable interaction nonetheless #malevolent #arthur malevolent #wolf 359 #doug eiffel #po posts

[thejadecount]

Okay usually I don’t complain about the rottmnt fandom when it comes to them writing the characters in fanfics BUT WE HAVE TO TALK

WHY. WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE RAPH SO SOFT?

Like yeah, I get it, everyone loves the big tank soft guy trope but he’s a Raph regardless. And we’ve seen him get impatient and frustrated with his bros, for example the infamous “DONT EAT THE POISON” episode and in the movie.

We also know he threatens them as any older sibling does (which I can confirm as a middle child) like in the maze episode when he tells Leo he’ll haunt him if he dies in the maze and in the fish episode when he tells Donnie he’ll shove his head in the toilet.

I just think we all need to get our facts straight and remember that just because Raph doesn’t outburst and isn’t the Anger Issues™️ Raph we know from the other iterations DOESN’T mean he’s always Mr. Nice Guy.

Point is I need more fanfics where Raph gets frustrated and does the classic ‘threaten-your-younger-siblings’ move all older siblings do and stop being the all cupcakes and rainbows the fandom makes him out to be. Specifically a crossover fanfic where the other version(s) of the TMNT are telling the Rise TMNT they aren’t taking things seriously and all it takes it one death threat from Rise! Raph and they straighten out immediately and all the other Leos and Raphs are impressed by it.

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #rottmnt #rise tmnt #rottmnt raph #rise raph #if I have to read one more fanfic where he’s all sunshiny and happy I’m going to jump off a roof and take whoever wrote that fic with me #this has been a psa #brought to you by me #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fandom #I’m not asking he’s all ‘I HATE YOU IMA GUNNA PUNCH’ and stuff #but he’s just more visibly annoyed by the antics his little brothers get into #and yes I do appreciate the writers who make him give leadership advice to Leo and act as an understanding guide #this is no hate on Raph’s character #and not hate on the fandom #just hate on the writers who don’t understand his character properly #they’re more focused on the idea that rise Raph doesn’t have anger issues when in reality he’s better at dealing with them #if he had the anger issues of the previous iterations of him he probably would’ve killed someone on accident by now

[d00msd4y]

This scene but with sonic driving tails as mrs puff and them running over knuckles?

This but I took my own take on it.

Apparently I’m doing drawing requests now, which honestly no complaints I have massive art block

#what even #Sonic the hedgehog fucking kills Knuckles #Sonic art reqs #Sonic doesn’t have a fucking drivers license #you kidding me? #he’s a walking speed ticket #tails is probably worse #I dunno man #it’s like 12 am for me #knuckles is hard to draw???? #can you tell I was watching snap cube while doing this #knuckles stoner real

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

bare with me bc im fatigued but unable to sleep so i’m just here thinking and need to get my thoughts out, but i think much of louis’ passivity stems from his relationship with his mother and family. we don’t really see him become passive until claudia arrives. please correct me if i’m wrong but i believe that side of him is awakened once that traditional family structure is solidified in his home and i think the du lac family has a lot to do with why he’s like that and not just that he’s incapable of acting or choosing.

i see him and i see the child/mother that doesn’t want to repeat his mother’s failings on his own family but takes it so far to the extreme that it means he refuses to confront anything ever bc he feels he’s communicating the unconditional love he never received. he really is someone who wants the ones in his life to know they can be loved through anything. whether or not people receive it in the way he gives it i don’t think should be put on his shoulders as much it is.

he doesn’t have healthy understanding of discipline/consequences bc he was punished for things he couldn’t help like his queer identity. it doesn’t really seem like growing up he got into much trouble, again correct me if im wrong. other than paul his pimping isn’t really admonished by the du lacs bc it affords them their lifestyle. they are willing to distance themselves from it bc they get the house and the staff and the honeymoon trips etc. but they won’t overlook who he is. and it outweighs anything else. and that’s a weird thing to process being punished for bc the only thing you can do is deny yourself. but they know. so you hiding it and they know and they show you they disapprove even if you’re trying to play by their rules. it creates a complex.

then there’s paul. he’s the only one who really took it on to take care of paul and establish a relationship with him. i think florence probably didn’t push back against his institutionalization and grace seems to agree he belonged there. louis was the only one who saw how it negatively impacted paul. he loved paul that was his favorite person and then he killed himself and florence blames him for simply being there. this is where he starts to go from the favored son to the scapegoat which is a fucked transition to experience and i think its super underestimated how badly louis is impacted by it. it also happens when he starts to openly entertain lestat so it’ll never matter that his last moments with paul were expressions of love bc his all florence sees is that he’s been acting in sin and so of course he must of done and said something to kill her baby who he was raising and caring for in her place btw. when paul was upset he went to louis not florence. the last thing he ever said to paul was he loved him and he still died and florence blames him for it. he’s always punished for loving as far as he’s concerned.

then he does make “a choice” to become an immortal monster/companion/wife, which given all the circumstances is very much not much of a choice on his part, but he decides to go with what he wants and that choice is at the center of the unraveling of almost all the things he cares about and links to his human identity. and he clings to his human identity so i believe that fucks with his ability to trust his own decision making for sure. it’s the loss of his role in his family slowly but surely and everything he did he did for them. he always struggles with his decisions about how he supports his family and how he copes w the impact it has on his community. so if in choosing his own desire to love and be loved for once strips him of his family and his community what does that say about the decisions he made along the way? what was it all for? and then on top of that he didn’t even know what he was choosing in choosing immortality with lestat. he’s rocked by being faced with the reality of his choice so much so that he forgot his brother died for a moment. he’s probably developed an inability to take a step in any direction bc every step leads to a new rock bottom and he doesn’t trust himself anymore. that’s a very real thing that happens.

so how does that manifest when he has his own lil nuclear family?? well

with claudia he doesn’t ever want her to feel like she could ever lose his love for her for any reasons. like his family showed him. so bc his own punishments were correlated with who he was and not things he did really i don’t think he’s able to see disciplining claudia as guiding her towards better actions i think he sees it as punishing her for being as she is which he blames himself for and also for loving (where charlie is concerned but i’ll get to that…). it was his choice to bring her into this life so how can he trust himself beyond loving her unconditionally. that’s what he wants so that’s what he gives. claudia does what she does bc she’s a vampire and she didn’t choose that. he did. so he retreats when the consequences of that crop up and becomes passive. he doesn’t want to take a step in any direction on top of the patriarchal structure that the father is the law of the house, but then charlie happens.

claudia didnt kill charlie out of maliciousness. it was young love with all the demanding of the insatiable hunger of a vampire. even lestat recognizes that she got carried away so to louis punishing her or even makeing her feel bad for the action was too deeply entwined with punishing her for loving at all and that is a sensitive thing for him. he doesn’t handle it better than lestat that’s not what i’m saying what i’m saying is he doesn’t have the tools to guide her through this. what he has is the desperation to not repeat what harmed him growing up. it’s after this that he decides lestat cannot be the law of the household where claudia is concerned until he realizes his approach seriously blinded him to the fact that claudia ,yes is a doomed child vampire, but she’s a doomed child vampire making decisions and her actions have serious consequences for all of them and he doesn’t have the tools to guide. he can love her through anything, but how can he of all people really guide her. this isn’t as simple as no running in the house and listen to your elders. the mother is learning her daughter is her own person (and vampire) not an extension of her and with character traits like her father too. (plus the mother has to realize that she can’t heal herself through her daughter) whew. so louis decides to step back and to let lestat be the law again and then claudia LEAVES and on her way out she challenges his decision to turn her at all (with good reason. these two vampires should not be raising a baby!!) louis is literally so distraught he wants her to come home but he can’t bring himself to go after her and bring her home. he doesn’t want to take a step!! he doesn’t want to decide. it never leads to what he thinks it will. i don’t think he believes he can trust himself to make good choices. so he loves her unconditionally on broadcast for every vampire within radio earshot to hear because that’s what he can do. thennnn she’s harmed while she’s gone and i’m sure he’s feels in a way responsible. he wanted to be her protector so badly (when actually she’s his but i’ll get to that in a bit) and wasn’t able to. and of course there’s that scene™️ in ep5 with being put in a position where he was pressured to choose between lestat and claudia and because it LOOKED like he MIGHT choose claudia and because he didn’t IMMEDIATELY choose lestat disaster ensued. that’s a lot. fuck.

and when the nature of his relationship with claudia shifts more to siblings because she’s getting older, wants more agency and claudia realizes she is also a replacement for grace, this is where the passiveness that is the result of his relationship with grace developed. bc while its true claudia takes over for grace, she is the sister to louis that grace never ever was. on top of the fact that her solution for their issues was “you’re dead to me,” grace never actually accepted and supported his queer identity truly like claudia and she definitely never protected him like claudia either (defending mama du lac in regards to paul comes to mind and also her husband being the replacement son). and louis needs and wants both those things as well as someone who won’t abandon him like grace did and he let’s claudia be them but takes it to the extreme where the last two are concerned. Louis doesn’t think he can save himself from his situation and claudia believes she can save herself and him. she isn’t gonna leave him behind. he leans into that heavily. it’s not just that he can’t and won’t make choices to get them out of their situation it’s also that he’s traumatized by his past choices and also he’s also loving lestat unconditionally as well on top of that (in the way he’s able to). i don’t think louis could see a way out like at all. he was shrouded in darkness. the best he could do was compartmentalize his love for lestat to protect himself when things were at their worst that was his flashlight in that darkness. but like when it was necessary for the success of the plan that he allow himself to love lestat fully he said if i feel it there’s no way out of this fr fr. he knew he wouldn’t make good choices. choosing lestat is the decision he will always make for better or worse. but that’s at the expense of claudia on top of choking her.

like idk we joke about his inability to make decisions but that trait in him is drenched with trauma. and his family is a huge part of why imo. i just get so upset when i think about them. i really rambled on and on here. not sure how much sense this makes but i guess this ties into my feelings about this as well. but yeah not choosing as a trauma response and not just as a way to get out of confronting his problems even tho that is a symptom. if that makes sense. idk. my brain is mash potatoes right now.

#iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #ldpdl #the de pointe du lacs said he can go to hell #and he went and started a family there with his rich french white husband #who’s doing it like him #claudia #if i keep opening doors that lead be to a new level of hell im not prepared for i’d develop a fear of opening doors #thats the tldr of this long ass post i guess #i planned to mention that a lot of claudia’s kills are attempts to create a companion as well #in regards to punishing her for loving or in this case wanting love and seeking it out #the placement of the claudia tag is driving me crazy bc it reads like a response to the question before it #but actually just had the thought that i should tag her name bc it’s pretty relevant to all this #re: paul’s death - and he probably already blamed himself for not noticing #for going up there #for not stopping him #etc. all these decisions!! #we want him to make better decisions or any decision but like he doesn’t have the tools. he wasn’t prepared for what motherhood really was #no matter how much he wanted to be one