#ill figure him out one of these days i can see him in my brain but i havent been able to get him on paper

[stormofdefiance]

True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing || Dr. Ratio & Socrates

Okay, I legitimately laughed out loud writing that title, but listen. LISTEN.

Ratio's inspirations derive from many sources; from referencing Archimedes's brain-blast in the tub, to being doomed to have his head bonked by Newton's apple ad infinitum in his idle animation, to his ultimate line ('esse est percipi' / 'to be is to be perceived') a direct quote from Berkeley on Idealism - it's apparent that his design nods towards scholars across time periods rather than being a direct parallel to a singular academic.

Nevertheless, just for fun, I've been rotating Ratio and ancient greek philosophers around in my head and have had a great time chewing over how parallels Socrates in particular. I am in no way saying that Hoyo even thought about Socrates while they were designing Ratio, but I thought I'd share my thoughts. I think there are some worthwhile parallels to be drawn that touch on all aspects of Ratio's own philosophy regarding ignorance, the value of knowledge, and his deep appreciation of life. So, let's get into it.

Ratio is interested in humanity and curing 'ill minds with knowledge', that 'to turn a blind eye to the folly of others is not an etiquette, but a wicked worldly practice.' Ignorance is a disease - this is a concept that can be viewed through a Socratic lens. Socrates believed that that virtue and knowledge were impossible to separate from one another, and that virtue could be developed through acquiring knowledge and insight. If knowledge is virtue, then ignorance is vice. In Socrates's mind, no one would rationally choose to do something bad. People might choose to do bad things, but this is rooted in their own perception of the world - as in, someone would only choose to do something bad (for the world, or for themselves) because they believed (erroneously) that it was the right or good thing to do. To Socrates, the cure to this was knowledge: 'There are two kinds of disease of the soul, vice and ignorance.' & 'What does most harm in the world is not sinfulness but ignorance'.

To Ratio, 'If ignorance is an ailment, it is the duty of the scholars to weed it out and heal the universe'. He views his own ignorance as 'filth' that must be cleansed through methods such as reading. He also views knowledge as a method for humans to overcome their problems - 'Another day has passed. If your problem still hasn't been solved, is it possible the problem is you?' & 'You look distressed. Is something troubling you? if so, you can figure it out for yourself.' These statements sound harsh, but they also clue us into Ratio's philosophy - that through self-examination and improvement, one can overcome one's ailments.

Socrates was also known for being a trouble-maker, he was abrupt and tactless and did not care for someone's social standing nor decorum. He was also known for using what is now called the Socratic method, asking a series of questions that ultimately seek to show contradictions in the beliefs of those who posed them, and to move systematically towards a hypothesis free from contradiction. Socrates rarely made assertions himself - after all, he had no wisdom of his own. But he could interrogate others in order to expose their own foibles, much to the embarrassment and annoyance of those around him. He was once described as a 'gnat' chewing on the 'lazy horse of Athens', causing it to wake up and spring to life due to his persistent gnawing and prodding. Ratio also employs the Socratic method - 'I'm asking questions' - and also adopts sophist tactics such as playing devil's advocate and taking opposing sides (with both himself as seen a story quest, and with others as we see with his texts urging us to take up a side so he might debate us). Through questioning and interrogation, upsetting what we consider social convention and norms, we can dispel contradictions and thereby come closer to some form of truth.

To add to this - as highlighted in the replies below - Ratio’s skill ‘intellectual midwifery’ is a reference to the Socratic method. The idea being that Socrates helped those around him give birth to the knowledge that was already within them, rather than treating his students minds as empty vessels for him to fill with his own answers. Again this is beautifully echoed in Ratio - he doesn’t want to tell you how to live your life, he wants you to work out for yourself what it is you need, thus empowering oneself through self-examination and questioning.

Socrates did not believe in writing anything down. He believed that face-to-face communication was a far more effective way of communicating knowledge - which means, unfortunately, what we know of Socrates is primarily derived from secondary sources. Much of what we know about him today comes from Plato's dialogues, and Plato was known for liberally exercising artistic license.

Although Ratio is not dead, I find it interesting that his character story is told exclusively through secondary sources. To quote - '…There are no less than eight documentaries detailing his legendary exploits, and over a dozen memoirs about him. However, despite the plethora of commentaries, none of them seems to provide a compelling perspective.' It's as though there are no surviving fragments penned by Ratio's hand and all we have to go on is through the lenses of other people. This challenges us, perhaps, to try to think about our own interpretation of Ratio since secondary sources cannot be taken as a wholly unbiased account - and once again employing the Socratic method and empowering the reader to come to their own interpretation.

While Socrates left no writing behind, he was interested in spreading knowledge. Socrates spent most of his life in Athens, a city that was, during his lifetime (~470-399 BC), a hotpot of scholars, wisemen and philosophers. Athena, the Greek god of wisdom, was named after the city - her symbol the owl that is also appropriately perched on Ratio’s shoulder. Also in Athens at this time where the sophists. The sophists were a class of intellectuals who were known to teach courses in various subjects - but often for a high fee, and generally centred around the idea that persuasion and the use of knowledge as a tool was more important than wisdom or truth itself. There's some debate about whether Socrates could be characterised as a sophist himself, but, crucially, he is characterised as refusing to take payment for his teachings. He was born a plebeian (perhaps you might describe it as a mundane background.) He was known to dress in rags and go barefoot, speaking to and (often antagonising) people from all walks of life, preferring the marketplace as a center of debate than palaces or courtrooms. I can't help but think of the sophists as similar to the genius society (or at least Ratio's depiction of them in contrast to himself), cooped up in ivory towers and gatekeeping knowledge to the most privileged. He doubts if Herta's talent is always helpful to others, he compares Screwllum to a 'monarch'. Then again, the sophists may in fact be a bit of a parallel to the Intelligentsia Guild - from Ratio, 'when someone is willing to listen to knowledge that is being disseminated and circulated, a price is created'.

Socrates (or at least the Platonic depiction of Socrates) was at one time declared the wisest man in Athens by the Oracle of Delphi. Socrates balks at this assertion - how can he possibly be the wisest man in Athens when he in fact knows nothing at all? This was not a claim made of modesty - he truly believed that he had no wisdom, that he was unsure what 'wisdom' itself even was. Ultimately, Socrates concludes that the only way that the Oracle could be correct is that by actually acknowledging that he knows nothing he paradoxically is the wisest man in Athens. All wisdom, therefore, is rooted in wondering, with wondering only possible if one is open to admitting one's own ignorance.

What I love about all of this in relation to Ratio is that Ratio styles himself as a mundanite. The Intelligensia Guild advocates that 'all knowledge must be circulated like currency' and accepts 'all beings… who seek to learn'. Ratio has no time for the satisfied self-styling of intellectualism, he himself states that 'to speak knowledge, we must first make people realise their own folly.' No one is above criticism in this regard, even himself - again, to quote 'Whenever someone agrees with me, I feel like I must be wrong.' Again, I feel as though he would resonate with Socrates here: 'Smart people learn from everything and everyone, average people from their experiences, and stupid people already have all the answers'. With Aventurine, he is quick to mock his appearance as over-the-top and vapid - once again making it clear his distate for vanity and hollow displays of showiness (albeit he may have been acting for Sunday's sake here. Also, no comment about this coming from a man who runs around in a toga, lmao) Equally, with Aventurine, it is clear that Ratio is willing to learn from him - he apologises when he offends, he abhors his methodology and yet he still relies upon it and trusts in Aventurine's plan, he is drawn to him in some ways precisely because he is so different to himself. Aventurine (at least styles himself) as impulsive to Ratio's slow and steady methodology, Aventurine whose learning has been entirely self-made vs Ratio who has spent his life in classrooms, Ratio who scoffs at Aventurine's favourite games of chance yet adds slot machines to his simulated universe. And to Socrates, the experience of aporia – in all of its discomfort and disruption – is the very catalyst of wonder, and that wonder was not just the root of wisdom but also the way to live a good and happy life. There is something beautiful in this to me, and this extends to Ratio. Ratio fundamentally cares about life. For all his brashness, his lashing out against 'idiots', his harsh demeanour - he wants people to live good lives, he wants to contribute to the good of humanity - all people, even those he is annoyed by, he cares so profoundly and absolutely about life. The entire reason why he is obsessed with wisdom and learning is not to exalt or elevate himself, not as some kind of ritualistic expression of piety towards a deity, but it is instead an expression of devotion towards life itself. Ratio has a strict work out routine not so that he can show off his body, but because living healthily is living well and working out is a component of that. Even the way he fusses and worries about Aventurine, someone he is pointedly irritated by, reveals how deeply his care runs. So so much of his character is centered on caring for life, even if it is not immediately obvious.

Finally, I'd like to highlight some ways in which Ratio is not like Socrates. First of all, Socrates was repeatedly described as 'ugly' by fellow philosophers Plato and Xenophon - this is contrast to Ratio being repeatedly described as 'handsome'. This is an interesting subversion to me (albeit likely an indulgent one) as in both cases both men attempt to distance their physical appearance from the weight of their words. Ratio wears the bust for many reasons, but way to view it is that he is attempting to stop his appearance from bearing any influence in the subject of debate.

Socrates was also said to be blessed by a divine touch, and as we know, this is something that agonises Ratio as Nous has not yet turned THEIR gaze towards him.

Lastly, Ratio has - thankfully - not yet been ordered by the state to drink hemlock for all his trouble-making and blustering. Though perhaps he may someday be put on trial by the IPC if the theories that he is working alongside Aventurine to undermine the corporation are true - we will just have to wait and see.

Thanks for reading my little ramble. I'd be super interested in anyone's thoughts if they'd like to share, but regardless, I'll leave off on some of my favourite wee quotes from the Rat man:

'Even a life marked by failure is a life worth living - it is only in moments of solitude and despair, when help is absent, that fools grasp how to pick themselves up.'

'Do stay alive. I wish you the best of luck.'

#dr ratio #ratio #aventurine #hsr #honkai star rail #my witterings #i love the rat man so much idk #much of the information i describe about Socrates comes from the podcast History of Philosophy without the Gaps #which I highly recommend if this is your kind of thing lol #but mostly I just wanted to have fun spinning my hyperfixation around lol #Also I make a few declarative statements throughout this but know that I do not claim to be a scholar of greek philosophy lol #please check the verasity for yourselves before relying on what I have to say #for I know nothing u see u see? :P

[buuniebaby]

You and hamzah being flirty friends but not ever doing anything until one night when yall hangout everything changes!!

NOT A LOT, JUST FOREVER. 🎀

includes: fluff! for the first time on my page lawll sorry for being a hoe for dis man. cc!reader oo

it’s not until late in the night when it hits you - an ache, deep in your chest, taking the breath out of you whenever you’re in his presence.

fuck.

you’re in love.

it’s no secret to anybody that you and hamzah have.. tension. sure, you guys play it up a little when you’re on camera or around friends, but there’s always been some sincerity deep down. at least, on your side.

that’s you’re only problem; you’re not sure if hamzah truly shares that sort of unspoken understanding. you find yourself overanalyzing every little joke he makes here and there, the way he acts around you, and even the way he acts around his other friends. he doesn’t jokingly flirt that way with martin is what your brain tells you, feeding into your delusions.

you’re snapped out of your train of thought by hamzah sliding into the chair next to you, pulling his phone out and setting it up on the table. speak of the devil.

“..what are you doing?” you say, watching as he opens tiktok. you shiver when his thigh grazes over your smooth, just-shaved legs as he turns to look at you, enthusiastically.

“me and martin are gonna do a tiktok live. i figured you would wanna be in it, or you could just like, exist on the side.” you roll your eyes at him, but your heart warms a little at the way he automatically included you, even without asking.

“oh, ok.. sure. it’s less fun when martin isn’t in the same room as you though.” you playfully joke, a grin beginning to form on both of your faces.

“i like having you here more than martin, don’t worry.” is all he says back. you think you feel yourself twitch at that.

when the live starts, donations are immediately rolling in. as soon as he sees one of those filter donations pop up, he’s grabbing the phone and making sure it’s focused on you so you’re the one with the stupid filter on your face instead of him. every. single. time. you roll your eyes, but you know you’re not annoyed by it.

as you two continue to stream along with martin, the chat begins to feel the same way as you do. every little “are they dating??” or “y/n back off hes mine” gives you a twisted feeling of satisfaction. it’s taking so much energy out of you to not just kiss him right then and there.

eventually, martin gets off, but hamzah wants to stay on live. he eventually finds himself requesting to join random people’s lives. especially… little kids who are probably too young to be on tiktok.

you guys end up doing tiktok “battles” against a little boy who doesn’t look a day over 12. it’s funny, until the kid asks a question that really makes you feel crazy.

“is that your girlfriend?” is all you hear before your eyes widen. yet before you can even panic, hamzah is already cutting you off.

“yeah.”

holy fuck.

“we’re actually in a throuple, our boyfriend isn’t here right now.”

nevermind.

even if he’s obviously joking, the thought of hamzah calling you his girlfriend so casually feels so right. you can imagine him introducing you as his, being your man-

“bro, you’re lying. kiss her right now and ill believe you.” says the kid, snapping you out of your daydreams.

immediately, a loud “WOAAHH” comes from hamzah, laughing at the shocking comment from the kid on the other side of the screen.

“five bucks bro, five bucks if you kiss her.”

your cheeks are on fire right now - you feel like if you looked in the mirror, you’d probably look like you just came from a beach day in the middle of arizona. you know hamzah isn’t going to actually kiss you, but the way he’s awkwardly laughing and looking down at you really-

holy shit.

he just kissed you.

HAMZAH JUST KISSED YOU?

it’s a quick kiss, a simple peck on the lips, but it feels like forever as he grabs your face and leans in. you aren’t even processing what just happened yet. he just.. kissed you? on live?

you watch as the chat panics just as much as you are. “HUHH??” and “I KNEWW HE LIKED HER OMG” is all you can see as you stare at the phone with your mouth open. even hamzah seems a little shocked with himself too, as he quickly ends the live without saying anything.

you two sit there in silence for a second.

“what just.. happened?” you ask, making eye contact with him. because genuinely, what the fuck just happened.

his immediate reaction is to rapidly apologize. a series of “fuck- I shouldn’t have- not in front of viewers- im sorry-“ is all you hear before you shut him up and kiss him again.

there’s passion in this kiss, lasting longer than the first one. your hands wrap around his neck, gently caressing it with your fingers.

as you pull away, he just stares at you, breathless.

“i’ve wanted this for so, so long hamzah.”

#hamzah x reader #hamzah x y/n #hamzahthefantastic x reader

[bellarkeselection]

Hi! I’m the person that requested the one shot for jay halstead x reader with fibromyalgia. To simplify it’s a chronic condition that causes pain all over the body. On some days the pain can be worse than other days. It’s called a flare up. (From personal experience my pain is about a 4 all over my body. When I experience a flare up it’s mainly in my legs and that can range from a 7 to a 10) Fibromyalgia also causes fatigue, brain fog/ forgetfulness and an increased sensitivity to pain. I hope this helps you and explains a bit of what fibromyalgia is.

A Great Caretaker

Hey there, thanks for sending me the description of fibromyalgia. I’m sorry this is short but I hope I wrote am okay request for you.

Coming out of the bathroom in my apartment I suddenly stopped gripping the doorway underneath my fingernails. I winced biting my lip hoping that I didn’t wake my boyfriend Jay who was sleeping in the next room. I tried walking forward but my legs suddenly flared up with more pain and I collapsed against the nearest wall. “Y/n!”

“Jay! I’m – I’m fine.” I called seeing him coming around the corner rushing to me instantly where he bent down on his knees in front of me.

He brushed my hair from my face helping me sit up with my back pressing against the wall. “You’re not fine. Okay, how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three. Uh – Jay I’ll be fine.”

He stared at me silently scanning across my face knowing I was lying to him. He had seen it before when we went on our first date where we were supposed to go out to a restaurant but my flare ups prevented when I had some pain spreading throughout my back. We ended up ordering take out because of it.

I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was very young. I had told him about how it effects me when I do have a flare up. It wasn’t easy having to deal with this.

He shakes his head no moving his arms underneath my back and my legs carrying me into the bedroom across from the bathroom. “Let’s go. I’ve got you babe.”

“Jay, there’s not really anything you can do – ahh!” I gasped feeling the pain begin to go up my back now along with the current pain in my legs.

Jay comes to sit down beside me on the bed. “Hey, hey, look at me. You’re not fine, okay. So how many fingers was I holding up a minute ago?”

“Uh – um two – no three.” I stuttered feeling frustrated that my brain was foggy over this illness that I have.

Jay nodded getting up to get me a drink and some medicine that was supposed to help me get through this flare up. Laying my back against the pillows I ran my hands down my face. “Jay, what about work today?”

“I’ll call Voiet. Don’t worry about that and just take the medicine.” He came back with some water and two pills watching me swallow them and take a drink before sitting the glass on the table beside me.

I winced sharply again feeling like my entire body was fighting a very harsh sunburn in the inside of my skin. “Ugh! I just want this to stop.”

“Anything I can do?” My boyfriend asked sending me a half smile, hating to see me in discomfort.

Closing my eyes I slide down underneath the covers patting the side of the bed next to me. “Come here please.” I figured I would just try and get some sleep instead of just laying here awake in agony.

“Just get some sleep, Y/n. I’ll be right here when you wake up and you’ll be all better.” He climbed back in bed, wrapping his arms around my waist. I snuggled into his warm embrace closing my eyes and instantly falling asleep in his arms.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#jay halstead masterlist #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x reader masterlist #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #chicago pd #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd fic #fibromyalgia #comments really appreciated

[drpeppertummy]

no but p[lease please please please shel amd leon my beloveds im gonna die im having s strokere

one of these days i swear to GOD im gonna figure out how to draw shel & then we will be unstoppable

[ID: a doodle of two guys, one short and chubby, the other tall and thin and holding a cane. the taller one has a question mark in place of a head, and they're labelled "work best friends" with hearts surrounding them.]

#message #they are both so dear 2 me #theyre so miserable & fucked up but theyre trying #xleonx #xshelx #physically i always imagined shel having almost a little bit of a chr*stopher w*lken vibe #like pretty in an off-beat sort of way u know #ill figure him out one of these days i can see him in my brain but i havent been able to get him on paper

[emeritusemeritus]

I didn’t want to be alone [Eddie Munson X Reader]

Title: I didn’t want to be alone.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader {Established friendship but deliberately vague, can be romantic or not}. Platonic!Wayne Munson&Reader.

Timeline: Non-specified. There’s a brief mention of ‘trauma’ that I’d originally written as events from ST 1-3 but it could be anything. Insert your troubles here.

Summary: When things in your mind get bad, you know you always have a place to go.

Warnings: Brief mentions of trauma, illusions of mental illness. Sadness/ depression. This is a comfort fic. Wayne looks after us. Wayne Munson being the father figure we all need.

Word count: 3.4k

This is a complete comfort fic that I wrote to try and make myself feel better, a concept I came up with to try and get to sleep one night. My toddler isn’t sleeping, I haven’t slept properly for days and I’m losing my mind- keep me in your thoughts as I drown in coffee.

The last thing Wayne Munson expected to see when he pulled up to his trailer at 4am after his monthly half shift was your car; he especially didn't expect to see you sat stationary within the car, staring blankly up towards the dark trailer home. He frowns as he cuts the engine to his beat up truck, grabs his trusty brown thermos and metal lunchbox before he climbs out of the truck. When his eyes fix on you again, he sees that you haven't moved even an inch, not even acknowledging his approach. Your chin rests on your arm slung over the wheel, body slumped down in your seat with a vacant expression on your face, eyes heavy and pained. He can tell immediately that something isn't right with you, your body language completely thrown off as you stare into the void, unaware of everything around you.

He'd seen you look like this only once before, but Eddie had mentioned in passing that you'd had 'episodes' one or two times before, something about trauma, something that had haunted you from a few years back. Wayne was a simple man and didn't pretend to know what any of that meant, nor would he intrude and ask you about it when you so clearly didn't want to open up about what was plaguing you. He figured better people with bigger brains than he would be the only people that could understand what you were going through, but he'd try his best to help you where he could.

Wayne knows better than to make you jump in your impaired state and so he tried to delicately walk over to your car, putting himself directly in your eye line so that you wouldn't be alarmed once you realised he was there. It takes a minute or so for your eyes to focus on him, flicking over at the slow movement in your peripheral vision. Your shock at seeing him makes his eyes pull tight together in a squint, fighting the urge to frown at your unusual behaviour. 

He walks over to your car door and finally takes in your appearance, the crease lines in his face getting deeper as he frowns once again, seeing that you are in no way dressed appropriately for the bitter cold, wearing only a pair of lounge shorts and an oversized band shirt that he instantly recognises as his nephew's.

You wind the window down as Wayne leans in, careful to be gentle with you as he sees the glassy, pained look still overwhelming your face, even after you'd broken out of your trance.

"What're you doing here girl? Got your key don't ya?" He says, trying his hardest to keep his tone balanced and his voice gentle; not an easy feat for a self proclaimed gruff, southern born hick like Wayne.

Wayne cringes as he feels the low temperature inside your car, the cold drifting out from your rolled down window. Somehow the inside of your car was even colder than the crisp, early morning air outside. Only then did Wayne remember you complaining that the heat and the ac in your car had busted a couple of weeks ago, but you couldn't afford to get it fixed right away on account of your 'full time student and part time waitress' salary.

You stare at him for a lingering moment, not even making a single attempt to reply as you usually would, the only sign that you had heard him at all was a subtle twitch of your eye. You eventually turn to look away, averting your gaze from his concerned eyes to stare back towards the trailer which was pitch black inside with no sign of life.

"I didn't know what to do," you said quietly, your voice timid and weak as you fought to push out your thoughts. "I remembered what you said about coming over anytime I needed to not be alone, but then I remembered the date and that Eddie was away at his gig. Then I remembered you said that Eddie didn't even have to be here, when you gave me the spare key. I got in my car and drove here but then I got stuck, not able to go inside because I'd be a burden but I couldn't leave either."

Wayne was quiet at he listened intently to you, giving you the time you needed to explain, knowing how hard it must be for you to speak your thoughts out loud. He silently nods gently, knowing at least partially what you were feeling as he acknowledges your troubles. He thinks it strange how often you said 'remembered' in the sentence, knowing that your words sounded uncharacteristic but he assumes that it is just you voicing your thoughts as they appeared in your head.  His heart breaks a little at hearing your sad words, knowing that you must have felt real bad to have jumped in your car and drove all the way out here without thought of a jacket.

"Let's get you inside, 'fore ya catch a damn cold," he says gently, wanting to get you into the warmth as he sees goose flesh spreading across your skin and the unmistakable bounce of your leg from your body fighting the cold. He expects to be met with more resistance than you offer as you simply nod and reach for the keys that are still in the ignition. He opens the door for you, juggling his belongings in his arms as he leads you up the concrete steps to the trailer and unlocks the door, offering a tiny smile of empathy at you as he steps aside, allowing you to enter first.

As you step in, you're immediately met with stagnant warm air from the trailer being shut up all day, retaining the last slithers of heat emitted by the old space heater Wayne must have had on before he went to work. The trailer smells like home to you and immediately offers a level of comfort that you could never get anywhere else. There's a lingering smell of cigarette smoke which hangs thick in the air, mixed with a hint of Eddie's cheap cologne and old spice, old coffee and the overwhelming scent of both Eddie and Wayne, their warm natural scents mixing to create the personalised blend of the Munson trailer.

You tentatively take a seat on the couch once offered by Wayne, who immediately sets to turning on a few lamps before boiling some water for a warm drink for you both, throwing down his lunchbox and thermos on the counter in the process. He grabs two mugs from the cabinet, but immediately changes his mind as he thinks of way to cheer you up. He walks past you to reach for one of his many display mugs, grabbing your favourite of the bunch and rinses it in the sink before setting the two mugs aside to make a drink. He begins to pull out the coffee but stops himself, knowing that the last thing you need is a blast of caffeine in your system and so he reached for the small box of tea that he kept in just for you, pulling out your preferred flavour as he makes the drinks.

He takes a look at you as he waits for the water to boil, finally seeing you in the light that he'd turned on as you entered. Your eyes look dark and sunken, dark purple circles formed underneath your once sparkly eyes, telling him that you hadn't slept a wink.  Your hair was haphazardly thrown up into a messy bun, faint smudges of mascara were present under your eyes and overall you looked thoroughly exhausted.

When he walks over to you, he's delicate with his approach, offering the tea out to you with a gentle smile. He notices your eyes widening slightly once you spot the special mug and a small smile tugs at your lips which he's thankful for as it means your coming out of your dark place. You mumble a thank you as you cradle the warm Star Wars mug in your hands, the heat rolling through your cold and shivering body.

"You wanna talk about it?" He says quietly, taking a seat and bringing his own mug to his lips. He sees a frown form on your eyebrows before your eyes close and you shake your head no at his suggestion. He simply nods, respecting your decision and giving you the grace of not asking any follow up questions.

"I'm sorry," your little voice says after a few silent moments.

"Don't ever be sorry, you did the right thing by coming here darlin," Wayne replies sweetly, to which you reply with a kind and grateful smile. "You're welcome here night or day."

Neither of you speaks for a moment, though it's a comfortable shared silence rather than an awkward interlude.

"So how come you ain't with Eddie at his gig?" Wayne asks a few moments later, taking another sip of his coffee. Your eyes flash with angst again and he suddenly regrets asking as your face drops slightly, not realising that his question could trigger you.

"I had an exam, couldn't get out of it," you shrugged gently, not managing to lift your eyes up from their fixed point upon your mug, watching the steam rise from the hot tea inside.

"You do okay?" Wayne asks, feeling a little awkward at asking. Eddie had always been a handful, especially when it came to doing his homework and anything academic, and Wayne's questioning of how projects went or finals or whatever else had fallen on deaf ears many years ago.

You nodded gently in reply, a little apprehensive maybe, "yeah I think so, it was only after when things started to go bad."

Wayne knew immediately that you were referring to your episode earlier, and his heart ached more for the girl in front of him who seemed so broken down, the girl he had grown to care for like a daughter. You fell quiet again, staring into space looking so exhausted you could drop down where you sat.

"Tell ya what, why don't ya go lay down in Eddie's room for a while, take your tea with yer," Wayne suggests, leaning forward slightly as he talked, not quiet reaching out to you but feeling a little closer to do so. "I'll make us some grub once you wake up."

You immediately begin to weakly protest, already feeling like a burden but Wayne shuts it down quickly. "Ain't no different then having Eddie here, 'cept you got a better sense of hygiene and noise control," he joked, earning a chuckle from you. "I'll be right through here if you need anything, ain't sleeping yet and I ain't going anywhere." His voice was still gentle but his words held a level of insistence which meant you couldn't question him, knowing he was being entirely honest.

"Uncle Wayne, thank you," you smiled gently, standing up off the couch and making your way through to the familiar back room, carrying your mug, before closing the door.

Stepping into Eddie's room without him here felt a little odd, but the sight of the room alone was enough to comfort you even more. Cigarette smell lingered here too, mixed with the faint whiff of marijuana, Eddie's cheap cologne and a general boy smell which wasn't entirely unpleasant. His guitar, sweetheart, was missing off the wall, along with two of the three amps that were usually littered around on the limited floor space.

You placed your mug on the nightstand, beside the ashtray, and didn't hesitate to throw yourself down onto the bed, pulling the sheets up high so that you were essentially cocooned in them. The sheets smelt perfectly like Eddie. Bringing them up to your nose to scent him, you felt instantly calmer by the second.

You could hear the faint murmur of the tv in the lounge, knowing that Wayne would probably be watching the 5am news or a repeat of his favourite western, the Comancheros. The knowledge of him being right outside was enough to comfort you even more, knowing that you weren't alone anymore.

For the first time since your episode began, you felt like you could actually finally fall asleep; the comfy bed, the lingering scent of Eddie all around you and the soft comforter all equated to your relaxed, happy state. Your tired eyes closed on their own accord, suddenly overwhelmed by the heaviness that pulled at them and without any hesitation or conscious effort, you slipped into a deep sleep, putting the bad day behind you.

Only a few hours later, early in the morning when Eddie's van roared up the dirt road towards the trailer, music turned down only slightly from its usual blaring volume, until it came to a sharp stop right outside his trailer. He frowned when he saw not only your car but his uncles truck parked outside, not expecting either of you to be there when he got back.

He stepped into the trailer and immediately spotted his uncle lounging in his armchair, a western playing on the old tv, without any sign of you.

Eddie nods to his uncle in greeting, before opening his mouth to question your whereabouts until Wayne instantly brings his finger to his lips, attempting to silence the boy from speaking too loudly. He didn't say anything in the moment, merely pointing towards the closed door leading to Eddie's room, hoping that he'd catch what he was trying to say.

Eddie nods his head, frowning a moment later as he realised what must have happened and that he wasn't here to help.

"You're back early boy," Wayne states, reaching for the tv remote to mute it, reaching out to grab a cigarette from the pack before lighting it, watching his nephew do the same thing only moments behind him after placing down the guitar in it's carrier by the small table.

"Gig was cancelled, burst pipe, never even made it on stage," Eddie mumbled, clearly annoyed at the facts he was relaying.

"There's always next time son," Wayne replies, taking a drag of his cigarette, earning a gentle nod from his nephew. "She's asleep, told her to get down in your room."

At the mention of you, Eddie's eyes flicker to the closed door of his bedroom, a warmth filling his gut at the thought of you sleeping in his room, especially without him there. Though he hated the thought of you suffering alone, disliking the thought of it happening when he wasn't here to help a little too much, the fact that you sought out him and his home gave him a little possessive buzz.

"Thanks Wayne, for, yanno," he couldn't quite get the words out that he wanted to say, feeling a little uncomfortable at the emotional weight in the conversation. Wayne understands, he always does and gives Eddie a nod that tells him everything, the look in his eyes conveying his affection for you, especially the way that it silently says 'I'd do it for you too'.

Eddie puts out his cigarette and with one last thankful look towards his uncle, creeps down the hall to his bedroom and slides open the door, trying desperately not to spook you.

It's dark in the room, the only light peeking through the window is from the street light a few meters away that shines rays of light over you thanks to his broken blinds.

He feels a little creepy watching you sleep but he can't resist, seeing you cocooned in his own sheets looking blissfully peaceful, the demons you carried not haunting your dreams. Your hair is spread across the pillow and there's a brief moment where he is genuinely excited that his sheets will smell like you the next night.

He doesn't fully undress, only throws off his shoes and the jeans that were still heavy and filled with ticket stubs and random change that he'd accumulated on the journey to the venue and then straight back. He's delicate as he climbs into bed beside you, praying he doesn't disturb you or worse, frighten you.

He sucks in a breath when he feels you move, no doubt sensing the presence behind you and for a moment he holds his breath, trying to stay completely still.

"Eddie?" You murmur sleepily, the hopefulness in your voice making his heart beat just a little harder at the sound.

"M'here princess," he says gently, pressing his hand delicately to your shoulder. He lets out a little noise of content when you turn over in bed and snuggle down into his chest, bringing your warmth with you. The pair of you cuddling wasn't entirely unheard of, but Eddie was certain it had never been this intimate before, not that he was complaining.

"Wanna talk?" He offers after a few moments of silence, sensing that your breathing hadn't returned to your peaceful sleep pattern. You shake your head on his chest and try to snuggle further down, secretly inhaling more of his scent as you sought comfort that only he could provide.

"How was your gig?" You mumbled, sleepiness still making you slur your words just a little, feeling as if speaking in full was too much effort.

"Got cancelled princess, s'why I'm back," he explains gently. His ringed hand has started to absently rub back and forth across your back and you wish he'd never stop doing it.

"What time is it?" You ask, sitting up just enough to look at him, though you could only really make out his outline in the darkness. You frown, suddenly realising that Eddie was back much, much earlier than you'd anticipated and his words of explanation slowly sunk in. "It got cancelled, why?"

Once again, Eddie feels like the grinch with his heart expanding in significant increments, feeling it grow and swell at your distraught tone. You actually cared that the gig was cancelled.

"Pipe burst," he says with a shrug, a much calmer reaction to the news than he'd had only a few hours ago when he'd gone ballistic and kicked the tyres of his van.

"I'm sorry Eddie, you were really excited." He smiles down at you, even if you can't see it. Suddenly feeling overwhelming affection for you. He shrugs again and pulls you closer, holding on to you just a little tighter.

"So, do you come here often without me? Think I might be developing a complex here princess." Even in the dark you can hear the smirk in his voice and you use your head to jab him just a little in the ribs at his insinuation.

"Better when you're here," you mumble, resting your head again against his soft body. "Just needed you."

Eddie bites back a smile, knowing that you would never dare say that in the light of day but somehow between the darkness and the late, or early, hour, everything said between you both seems like a secret, your own little world created where nothing is out of bounds.

"How did your exam go?" He asks, still slowly running his ringer fingers across your back.

"Sssh, too much talking," you say with a smile, not wanting to think about the day before. He understands, it was a Munson's best quality after all to know when talking wasn't beneficial; when being arrested, in an argument with your woman and just occasionally when the moment was so perfect no words would be good enough.

"Coffees on me in the morning," he says, his eyes closing as he feels your breathing even out again, your body sinking further into him as sleep begins to take over.

"Mmmm, sounds nice," you say lightly, the tiredness and proximity to sleep so clear in your voice that it makes Eddie smile out into the dark room.

"Donuts too," he adds, kissing the top of your head as it rests on his chest, feeling prouder than he'd ever felt before. You'd found comfort in him and in turn he'd found comfort in you too, both of you slowly sailing off to sleep surrounded by each other, the pains of the day before disappearing entirely.

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#emeritusemeritus #emeritusemerituswrites #eddie munson comfort fic #eddie munson taglist #eddie munson masterlist #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie Munson #stranger things #stranger things 4 #wayne munson

[spirit-hotline]

Blade x Abundance!reader

Word Count͟͟͞͞➳❥ 1.9k (One-Shot)

Reader is gender neutral // Not proofread

A/N͟͟͞͞➳❥English is not my first language so I apologize for any grammar errors. The reader follows the path of abundance, and their origins can be up to interpretation. Have fun imagining yourself a backstory ;). This is more or less a test for a concept I've boiled up in my brain.

Cw ➳❥ Possible OOC, Mild body Horror, abrupt ending, illness, mention of pain, Soft, wholesome, SFW, vague on purpose.

Summary ➳❥ Blade meets you, a follower of the abundance, during one of his Mara crises. You heal him and leave leaving only your name. Who are you, he ponders. Once he finds himself desperate, he whispers your name.

Blade sat on the floor,  hidden inside an abandoned merchant stall on the Loafu—his body tenses, the mara ever so threateningly consuming his mind. He hisses at the pain, holding back a groan from the intoxicating pain. Unable to move, run, or call Kafka for help. In these moments, even he couldn't help but to feel desperation. Maybe it’ll finally eat him alive this time, letting him meet his long-awaited end. His eyes closed. Corrupted memories and faded voices calling to him, a stabbing pain piercing the remains of his bruised lonely heart. Only the hope of death lay dryly on his tongue. Blade felt joy as his conscience faded into the dark, his body limping on the floor.

Blade could only hear the ringing in his ears until the thumping of footsteps appeared close to him. A light hand places itself on his shoulder. The unsupportable pain starts to vanish from his body, spreading from the singular light touch. The memories fade, freeing him from their strain. Blade lifts his head in a daze, vision foggy from his symptoms. He sees someone crouched next to him, their hand still placed on his shoulder. The person smiles at him softly. Throughout his body, gladioli buds start to sprout. The sprouts grow on his scars, lessening their pain. His mara calms, freeing his mind to think clearly again. The fog in his eyes dissipates, now able to see you fully. He suddenly winces out of your touch, backing away from you with sharp threatening eyes. You quickly bring your hand back to yourself. 

-’’ My apologies, I mean no harm.’’ You spurt out, attempting to calm him. 

Blade only stares at you with intensity, his face back to a neutral state.  A  deep groan escapes his lips. He considered knocking you out, unwilling to uselessly harm someone for an escape, but he quickly realized how dissipated his mara felt. His eyes widen, witnessing the bourgeons and flowers spread around his torn muscles. How did you-- Abundance? Even so- how was it so effective? His gaze wanders back to you as you innocently stare back.

-’’ You should be feeling better for a few.’’ You chirped softly, standing back up on your feet. ‘’ I need to move, Good day.’’ 

-’’ Wait!’’ 

As you turn your back, Blade mindlessly takes hold of your wrist. You turn back, surprised by the man’s sudden outburst. Blade didn’t know what he was doing, maybe he was losing his mind even more. His grip loosens, but you don’t pull your hand back.

-’’ How-’’ He shuddered. -’’ y/n’’ 

His mouth is agape as you cut him off. He quickly swallows his tongue. 

-’’ If you ever need me again, call my name.’’ You state as if it was a simple fact. 

You free yourself from his grip gently before walking away from the premises, disappearing within the simulated horizon of the Loafu. Blade watches your figure disappear, his normal expression back on his face. He didn’t know you, nor did he care about you. He was simply lucky, and you were foolish. Why would he ever remember your name?   

…

Weeks later, Blade lays in his bed at the stellaron hunter’s base. His mara is acting up, making him twist and turn on his futon. His covers are thrown off the futon as his body feels too hot to sustain it. He finally lays on his back, exhausted and restless. He breathes heavily, sweat sliding off his muscles, wetting his bandaged chest. It stings, leaving him breathless for only a moment every few seconds. His trousers are drenched, sticking uncomfortably on his legs. His eyes blur as he stares at the ceiling. Memories flood his weakened mind, making him clench his fists until his fingernails pierce through his skin. The pain is unbearable, consuming him once more like it always was. Groans escapes his lips every few minutes, unable to control the debilitating feeling throughout his ill body. As Blade feels his consciousness fade, something flashes in his mind. A recent memory, a word, a name. He fought the need to say it. His pride unwilling to do something so pathetic. A sudden sting causes him to groan loudly as he barred his teeth in thin air. Dammit, dammit it all.

-’’y/n…y/n…’’ 

Blade felt pitiful, gasping your name out of his burning throat. Nothing answered to him apart from the echo of his pleas. Of course, you won’t come. You were in the Loafu after all, and he was lightyears away from you. He so stupidly kept calling your name, desperate from the mara. Against his pride and his better judgment, he couldn’t help but call out your name silently. He frowns in frustration. 

-‘’y/n…y/n!’’ He barely screamed that last one, but nothing. Not you or the relief will ever arrive. He closes his eyes, exhausted and in pain. Maybe- just maybe, something could deliver him from this never-ending curse. 

The air suddenly feels fresher. Blade noticed that his futon seemed to have changed…texture? He quickly realizes that his pain is suddenly numbed. Although still present, it’s barrable. His eyes shot open, greeted by a light blue sky. His eyes widen, feeling a cool breeze all over his body. What in the? He sits up, touching his bandages and chest confused. Was this a dream? The afterlife? His body feels fuzzy as if ants were crawling beneath his skin. He looks around the plains surrounding him. 

A vast field of gladiolus bloomed before him, showing their diverse and saturated colours. The field seems to be endless, crossing the horizon. It sways in unison as a breeze traverses the blooming flowers.

Blade finds the force to stand up, holding his arm with his hand. Although he’s able to walk, the fuzzy feeling forces him to limp softly on the pillowy grass. Was this death? He looks down at the imprint of his body on the flattened flowers. Would a dream be this detailed? Without a thought and without a destination, Blade starts walking weakly in any direction. He leaves behind him a trail of red spider lilies, new flowers blooming at his every step. It feels like hours as he aimlessly wanders inside the never-ending plains. Finally, he sees what looks like a small cabin. He furrows his eyebrows, both happy and cautious of such a finding. As he approaches he smells something in the distance, sweets. The field opens up to a clearing. Between him and the house a few meters away, lays a picnic blanket with pastries arranged elegantly on its surface. On the edge of the blanket, there you are, sitting peacefully with a cup of tea in your hands. Blade’s eyes widen in disbelief. It’s you. He approaches you with more hurry than before.

You enjoy your favourite blend of tea, humming delightfully to yourself. You feel the presence you’ve been waiting for you. You turn your head towards the figure. You watch silently as Blade slowly approaches you. He stops in his tracks, leaving some distance between the two of you.

-’’ You–You’re here.’’ He exhales.

-’’ You called.’’ You answer simply.

The warrior studies you, desperately trying to find anything suspicious about any of this, but all he felt was confusion. You give him a soft smile, aware of the questions he might have. Unknown to him, you weren’t going to answer any of his questions.

-’’ Where–’’ He tries to ask, but you cut him off as easily as last time. 

-’’ Come, Join me. Have a seat.’’ You invite him. Your voice is soft and calming, which bothers Blade. 

Nonetheless, he closes his distance and sits next to you. He feels awkward, and not used to interacting with strangers. His walls are still up towards you. After all, you barely knew each other. You tap your lap softly, inviting him to rest his head on top of it. His eyes widen as he gives you a glare. You stare back, unbothered. 

-’’ You look pained, I can fix that…’’ You whisper you’re voice honeyed, inviting him further.

Blade scoffs at the absurdity of this entire situation. First, he wakes up in an unknown field, then he rests on your lap? He might as well go with it. Blade shifts the weight of his body, his back facing you before he reluctantly places his head on your thighs. You chuckle, gently putting a hand through his hair. The man closes his eyes at the touch, furrowing. The gazing of your fingers on his scalp suddenly felt like heaven. The feeling spread all over his face, causing a sharp exhale to escape his nostrils. As your right-hand plays softly with his hair, your left-hand descends carefully down his bandaged chest. The buzzing in his body ceases once your finger traces his skin. He feels calm and at peace. A feeling he never thought he could ever experience. His expression relaxes for the first time in years. For once, like the last time he saw you, his body feels empty, light, and devoid of ill. The tingle of your fingers tracing his scars through the bandages gives him goosebumps. Quick gaps escaped his lips. If he knew what it meant, he’d say it’d feel like euphoria. By now, his entire body felt weightless. He pressed his head on your stomach, enjoying this feeling with water in his eyes. You giggle softly, proud of your healing work.

-’’ We can stop now if you wish to.’’ You calmly propose, removing your hand from his hair. It’s interrupted by his hand grabbing yours. 

-’’ No…Please.’’ He whispers, pleading for your touch. 

-’’ Very well.’’ 

You continue your miracle, tracing the tips of your fingers all over his chest and face. Blade relaxes completely within your grasp. His skin shudders from time to time from the gentleness of your touches. You both spend your time like this for a while. Suddenly, a distant bell chimes across the sky. You look up, disappointment on your face. You look back at the now dozed-off warrior on your lap. You caress his cheek with the back of your hand, walking him up softly.

-’’ I’m afraid our time together is over.’’ You sigh sadly. You were enjoying your time with this stellaron hunter. His calm expression, the peace in his eyes as he flutters them open. The pain you meticulously make vanish. 

-’’ Will I–Ever see you again?’’ Blade asks weakly. He attempts to reach out for your cheek. You stop him, intertwining your hand with his instead. 

-’’ Oh, Blade…’’ You purr. Blade’s eyes widen at the mention of his name. He never told you his name. ‘’ You only have to call my name, remember?’’ 

As you finish your sentence, you lower your head closer. Your soft lips barely graze his before Blade wakes up in a cold sweat. 

     Blade frantically sits up. He’s back in his room. Was it really a dream? He pats around his body, realizing the pain is gone. What just happened. He feels a lingering pressure on his lips. A light blush flushes his cheeks. He hovers his fingers over his lips. When he looks down at his chest he notices gladioli flowers sprouting on his skin. His eyes widen at the sight. He looks around his room. Gladioli blossoms and sprouts are scattered around his floor…

Tags ➳❥ @swivy123

End note ➳❥ If you guys love the premise, I might make a more serious short-series about this. This has been a fun concept to work with. The mystery behind who the reader is. Idk, let me know! For now I've got more coming in the works :D

#blade x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #blade hsr #blade honkai star rail #honkai star rail blade #hsr blade #hsr x y/n #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail blade x reader #honkai star rail imagines #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade x you #abundance!reader #ao3 fanfic #soft #SFW #BladeHRS #Starrail

[cyberkitty1]

Hi can I ask for a miles 42 x telekinesis reader

Like she and miles got in an argument about how he hasn't been around and not making time for her at least

Miles knows she has powers

She knows he's the prowler

She gets mad and the objects in the room start flying around

She doesn't notice and keeps ranting to him about how he's shit and she slowly lifts herself from the ground

Still not noticing BC she's angry

Make the ending fluffy and cute

I tried, I got lazy because ive been getting similar asks with the same character so im trying!!!

“ So where have you been?” You say leaning against the doorway looking at Miles who came home at 2 am in the morning. You closed mouth smiles at you “ I’ve been out ma, you know.”

You sigh resting your face in your hands “ Miles no I don’t know, where have you been? You keep leaving early in the day and coming home next day at like 3 am!” Raising your voice a little.

“ Chill out I’m home right?” he says shrugging you off. “ No I’m not going to “chill out” how am i supposed to when i never see you. Why are you always gone?”

In the moment you are able to see what he’s thinking “ It might be time for me to tell her, shes getting suspicious.” You tense looking at him in his eyes, feeling like you could see his soul.

“ Time to tell me what? What are you hiding from me Miles” He sighs looking at the ceiling muttering “shoot.” So you do it again, if he’s not going to tell you, you will figure out on your own.

“I am The Prowler”

Those words in bald pounded though your brain. “ Why? why would you keep something this big from me? I told you about my powers yet you cant tell me that you are a gauntlet, mask wearing vigilante? or what are you?” He opens his mouth to say something. “No stop! stop talking! You’re telling me you have been lying to me this while time? how long have you been this” making hand motions everywhere.

“ Miles I have always been there for you since day 1! ok?! Day one! and now your going out killing people?!” everything in the room starts to shake. Miles looks around realizing what happening “ Please calm down, mal explicar todo.” (ill explain everything)

“No you cant just explain and everything’s all better! Miles this is the biggest lie you have ever told me? Do you know how i feel?” The tears start to fill your eyes, vision becoming blurry. Everything around you was floating even your hair. Miles was freaking out.

“Please please calm down ill explain everything” when those words left his mouth you felt your body get lighter.

“Miles there is nothing you need to explain! I get it; you are the prowler! Someone who kills people robs people and does it with no remorse! How could you keep something that big from me?!”

You were about 1 foot above the ground when you finally realized, am I in the air? Everything around us is in the air. You see the fear in his eyes, maybe you do need to calm down.

Taking a deep breath you release everything including yourself, you take a deep breath eyes closed. “ Im going to give you 10 minutes to tell me”.

“ Desde que murió mi padre, mi madre ha estado trabajando turnos extra, llegando a casa cansada y sin energía. No podía soportar verla así. ella es mi mamá, me ama pase lo que pase!”

(Ever since my father died, my mother has been working extra shifts, coming home tired and drained. He couldn't bear to see her like this. she is my mom, she loves me no matter what!)

“El tío Aaron consiguió un trabajo en el que pudo dejarme participar para que pudiera obtener más dinero para ella.”

(Uncle Aaron got a job that he was able to let me participate in so he could get more money for her.)

“Hice algunos y obtuve mucho dinero, pero cuando traté de retirarme, no me dejaron. Si me iba, te matarían a ti y a todos los que amaba. No puedo perderte.”

(I made a few and got a lot of money, but when I tried to withdraw, they wouldn't let me. If I left, they would kill you and everyone I loved. I can not lose you.)

You just looked at him taking in everything, you overreacted most definitely. “ why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you” “ No it was easier that you didn’t know i didn’t want you to worry mi vida.”

He continues to explain his troubles to you, telling you what he’s been thinking when he pauses.

“Sabes que te amaré siempre ¿verdad? Todo lo que quiero es que estés segura”

(You know that I will always love you, right? All I want is for you to be safe)

“ I know Miles and I thank you for everything you do for me”. You say kissing him on the forehead.

“ And I love you so much” you look at him with the most loving eyes you could muster.

—————————————

A/n: Guys I think i’m going to finish my last 1-3 requests about earth42! Miles Morales and not take anymore for a while because I feel they are getting repetitive and I don’t want you guys to get bored of what i’m writing so if you would like to request other characters i would love that so much!!!

#earth 42 miles #earth 42 miles morales x reader #atsv x reader #earth 42 #earth 42 miles morales #fluff #miles morales #miles morales x reader #angst #fight #reader has powers!

[uranometrias]

my love mine all mine , aaron hotchner

this is incredibly self indulgent. i wrote this for myself, because my cat passed away today && i have no idea how to grieve correctly. but i've always been able to express myself the best through writing, so here i am trying to do so.

basically reader loses her kitten && hotch is there to comfort her while she grieves. reader is a doctor && gets her nails painted. mentions of sleeping in a scarf and braids (but this can apply to any race <3) hotch is pretty flirty. he also had a dog that died when he was younger (idk) ... i'm still getting used to writing him (but he's been rotting my brain) so hotch girlies please be sweet to me, i'm trying.

"Have you decided what you want me to grab on the way?" You feel giddy, eyes beaming vibrantly as you unlock your front door. Aaron was on the other line, he'd been looking forward to spending the evening with you for the past two weeks. Your jobs often sent you in separate directions, with him following cases cross country, and you spending nearly twenty hours a day working at Inova Fairfax Medical Campus. The commute was nearly an hour from Quantico, which made it difficult for your schedules to coincide the way you hoped.

Today though was an exception. He'd just gotten back from a case, a successful one, and you'd been lucky enough to finally get two days off. You couldn't contain your excitement when you'd finally managed to get Aaron on the phone, and with Jack staying at Jessica's for another night, it seemed everything was working out in your favor. You still had no idea what you were in the mood to eat, despite having ample time to figure it out. "I dunno." you mutter, and you drop your keys into the basket just to the left of the front door.

"Well honey, you've gotta give me something." Aaron chuckles, and his voices makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. "I'm sure you haven't anything at all today." and it doesn't take a rocket science to know he's absolutely correct. Your stomach grumbles audibly, and you cringe, the sound a dead giveaway of your poor eating habits. "Do you need a bit more time to think about it?" he asks, and you're nodding your head, despite the fact that he can't see you. Your focus is split, eyes darting around your place in search of Piper.

Piper was your five year old tabby, the most special companion that you'd cared for since she was a newborn. Usually she'd be making her way to your front door, nudging her head against your shins, meowing her head off as some form of reprimand for being gone too long. Her absence was unusual, but you'd noticed she'd been sleeping a touch longer in the recent months. You'd taken her to the vet and they'd written off any life threatening illnesses. Perhaps she was jus becoming a lazy cat they had said.

"What'd you eat yesterday?" you ask, and you shrug off your coat next, hanging it in the closet as you slip off your cork-leather clogs. You admire your pedicure, French-tips gleaming back at you as your feet hit the cherry laminate flooring. You imagined that he'd hardly been able to eat well while out on a case, Aaron (and his team) had a horrible habit of neglecting their own health and wellness for the sake of cracking the case. You'd call him out on it, but it'd feel to hypocritical with the way you gave most of your life to the hospital.

"Four cups of coffee." and he sounds sheepish as he replies, he'd been running himself ragged with this last particular case. He couldn't leave the precinct until he was convinced he'd made a dent in the investigation. He could imagine your disappointed pout, but he was doing his best, or at least trying his best. "But, Dave made sure that I got something this morning before we got on the jet." and it's not like he has to explain himself to you, you'd never berate him. He believed it was just a side effect of falling for you.

"Four cups?" you gasp, head already shaking. "You're going to turn into a cup of coffee if you keep up with habits like those." you scold. "You'll have to double your water intake, you could seriously dehydrate yourself that way." you say with a quiet huff. You round the corner of the foyer, heading for the kitchen. "Are you feeling alright?" your tone grows a bit softer, "Four cups means you were really absorbed in the case. Everything okay?" you tread lightly. You weren't quite sure how he felt about you asking about his job.

"As far as endings go, I'd say it was better than most." he replies thoughtfully, clearly unfazed by your desire to probe. That makes you smile a bit, the obviousness of his trust for you. "We minimized the amount of deaths, the unsub was taken into custody... the team worked really hard." he proceeds, and you find yourself grinning. "But, I will do a better job of taking care of myself. You'd be a good nurse, but I can imagine a few better scenarios for you to take care of me."

You smile despite the fact it makes your heart stutter step. You were still getting used to him growing more confident in this way, but you weren't complaining in the slightest. "I'd be a great nurse." you correct him delicately, "I'd enjoy taking care of you in any way though." and you bet he can hear your shyness through the phone. Your relationship with Aaron still felt fairly new, you'd been seeing one another for going on seven months, but you knew you loved him.

Even if you hadn't managed to say it just yet.

"Look at that, another thing we have in common." he exhales, and you want him to hurry up and get to you. You hadn't seen him in so long, and despite the fact you were willing to mount him on sight, you just wanted to enjoy being in the same place for once. "How are you? Did you have a good day?" and you like the way he's so attentive, how he seems to genuinely care about what you had to say.

"It was great." you insist, and you've poured yourself a glass of water, ice tinkling as you scanned the dining room for any sign of Piper. Still nothing, weird. "I went to the bookstore a bit earlier, got a few novels for my book shelf." you list. "I got my nails done, and I got a facial. It was so relaxing I wound up falling asleep on the table." and you chuckle a bit at the memory. "Piper and I went on a drive before lunch, she's so spoiled." you add, but you're still scouring the space.

"Drafted up my budget for the month, my new schedule came in," you exhale tiredly at the thought. "Picked up my scrubs from the dry cleaners, I did a grocery run, and went to see the flower exhibit near the Farmer's Market. I got this really incredible soft-pretzel croissant." you sigh dreamily at the memory. "And now I'm home, and waiting for you." you complete, and you lean forward, arms resting against the countertop. "It was a really nice day. I thought I wouldn't know what to do without work, but I'd nearly forgotten what it feels like to be off."

Aaron's silent, but not because he's disinterested in your ramblings. He finds them endearing, and oftentimes had to remind himself that you, much like Jack, needed verbal response in order to feel heard. "I missed you." and it's not quite what he was aiming to say, but it's what comes out. It's true, it had been a while since he'd seen you in person, and with the way your schedules overlapped, he'd hardly been able to get much conversation out of you apart from quick check-ins in between patients and breaks in BAU cases.

You let out a quiet puff of air, it's not quite a sigh nor an exhale. Your lips curve upwards, and you wonder if there's a record out there for most smiles achieved in a single phone call. "You've got no idea how happy that makes me." you reply, and you inhale deep. "I missed you too, hurry up and get over here." you press, and you replay the sound of his responding laugh over in your mind. You don't think you could be more lovesick, but it's a more than welcomed feeling. "As far as dinner, why don't I just cook something?" you offer with a shrug.

"Do you want to?" and Aaron's got this weird thing about him where he's still getting used to the fact that you want to do certain things for him. You go over it a lot, reminding him that you'd love nothing more than to spoil him as much as he spoils you. He's still a bit hesitant, but you don't mind fighting the good fight until he relented. His hands tighten just slightly on the steering wheel, and his leg jumps as he awaits your response. He knows, or better put, he has an idea of what you'll say. He still wants to hear it either way.

"We take care of each other, mon amour." You coo, and he feels that familiar rush of affection towards you. "It'll be fun." you add, and then you're sighing audibly. "I just really can't wait to see you. I don't want to wait any longer than I need to." you express, and Aaron understands. He'd been restless on the jet, Dave and Emily seemed to zero in on his jitters, he was thankful they had enough couth to keep it to themselves. All he received was a knowing smirk from Rossi as he made a beeline for the tarmac the second the jet landed.

"I'll be there soon." he promises, and you grow giddier. "I-" and he wants to cross the line, mutter three worded phrase that would change everything. He'd been learning to be more bold, to focus on the things he could control, and appreciate those things. "I love you." he doesn't have time to think about the repercussions, because it's out, and there's a strong sense of relief that washes over him. You are surprised, but elated. The excitement his words bring you is hard to diminish.

"I love you too." and it comes out as easy as breathing. Probably because you mean it with all of your heart. "I'll see you soon, Mr. Hotchner." you promise, and he's chuckling at your sudden formality, likely a side effect of your newfound nerves at the huge step you'd both taken in your relationship.

"See you soon." you don't bring the phone from your ear until you hear the faint click of the call ending. You exhale shakily, mind running at a mile a minute as your heart seems to double in size. Still, you find this moment is short lived- mind once again on the eerie silence in your apartment. You place your glass down on the counter, coaster be damned as you make your way past the dining room and towards the living room. Sometimes you'd find Piper curled up on the couch, quiet purrs escaping her as she slept contently.

"Piper!" you coo, surprised when you note that she's nowhere to be found. You know that she wasn't outside, you'd made sure before leaving back out that she was comfortable in the house. You follow the layout of your place, the archway that led from the living room back to the foyer is the route you take, heading towards your bedroom as you continuously call for the cat. "Piper, where are you, pretty girl?" you enter your room, hopeful that you'll find her there.

You spot her little paw peeking out of her hideaway and instantly relax. "Oh Piper, you scared me." you let out a shaky sort of giggle as you fully enter your bedroom, feet brushing over the comforting carpet. You kneel just in front of the hideaway, reaching out to pet her. It takes you a few moments to make peace with the fact that she's not rousing. You swallow thickly, a lump growing in your throat as you wiggle her paw. She doesn't move, just as limp as before.

"Piper?" you feel the way your throat constricts, eyes immediately wanting to brim with tears, as you grow frantic. "Oh, please no-" you exclaim, head shaking as you feel a shudder rack through you. You're gentle as you maneuver around the hideaway, hands looping around her small body as you move to pull her out. She's limp, not even the act of you lifting her up enough to make her move. Your glow feels like it's diminished almost instantly, a dark cloud setting in over your head. It seemed a bit silly, panicked over the loss of a cat.

But she was yours, like a daughter to you in the way you cared for her, and made her apart of your routine. She was special, and despite the reputation cats gained for being standoffish and unable to understand human love, you knew that to be wrong. Piper was sweet, a loving cat that curled up beside you every night and followed you like a second shadow. She'd play games of tag with you, chasing you around your apartment as you squealed and screamed for your life.

"Please, please, no-" you're shedding real tears now, they're slipping down your cheeks in a constant succession. "Piper, please wake up!" it's silly, probably. Rocking back and forth with a dead cat in your hand hoping that sheer adoration will be enough to turn back the hands of time. It's certainly not, and the reality crushes you. The first sob is choked, almost like you're holding yourself back, not letting your feelings take full affect. You hadn't prepared yourself at all.

You didn't know what to do.

You think that's when the first swell of sobs begins. They're more ugly wails than anything else, the loud sound echoing through the space in front of you as your arms lower, Piper's body leaning against you as you continued to let your tears flow freely. Your chest tightens, constricting every couple of seconds like you'd suddenly developed chronic heartburn. The pain is a violent assassin, the air around you feeling tight. You think you may be choking on all that you're feeling.

You hate the part of your brain that was constantly in 'Doctor Mode', the side that reminded you that despite your grief, handling a deceased animal like this was a surefire way to get sick. Her body wouldn't start to decompose for at least another day, but you had no real way of knowing just how long she'd actually been dead. You don't move though, until at least your sobs have waned, you know it's not the end of them, but it's a reprieve just for a moment.

You slowly climb to your feet, still clutching Piper as your eyes whip around your bedroom. Your eyes land on her carrier, and the image makes you want to cry all over again. You shut your eyes, allowing yourself to take in a deep breath. It doesn't help. Still, your feet lead you over to the carrier, where you're gently placing Piper. Her vet was only eight minutes up the street, and maybe your ability to dispose of her so quickly was precisely why this was happening to you.

Guilt was loud, too loud. It almost knocked you to your knees as you imagined Piper's fear whilst you were gone. Was she sick? How long had she been? Why hadn't you noticed? Why did you leave her alone? Why weren't you there? You let her down. You had let her down.

You want to curl into a ball, hide under the blankets and cry until you passed out. But, she deserved better. She deserved to not be lugged around like she was some prop, she needed a proper place to rest. Once her carrier is zipped up, you're picking it up by the handles, using your other hand to swipe at the tears still trying to fall. You take the route you'd walked not ten minutes prior, slipping your shoes back on, and grabbing hold of your keys. Aaron still had another forty minutes or so in his drive, you hoped it went by quickly.

You don't think you ever needed him more than now.

────────────────────────

The sobs returned the second you'd walked past the threshold of your house. You sluggishly made your way back to your bedroom. It felt much lonelier now, the house feeling much too big for just you. You think that makes you cry even harder. You're covering your mouth with your hand, hoping that it would be enough to mask the sound of your bawling. You doubt that it does, but you can't do much else. You don't want to go to sleep, you don't want to do anything.

You begin berating your behavior once more in your head, replaying all the ways you'd been a shitty caretaker even though you know it's a bad idea. Your leg shakes under your comforter, the blanket squished underneath your body as you hid your face beneath the blazing heat of your huge blanket. You don't even realize how long you've spent in this space of self-loathing and bitter tears, until you hear the front door's lock shifting out of place. Aaron was here.

"Y/N, sweetheart?" and you want to run to him more than anything. You can't though, because you don't want him to think you're a failure. So you stay put, and you cry a bit more, sniffles growing more audible as you're forced to choke back angry sobs. It doesn't take long for him to make his way towards where you are, and you don't know what he'll say when he finds you looking a mess. You know your mascara has given you racoon eyes, and in your grief, you'd failed to tie a scarf around your head. Your braids would look messy soon.

"Y/N?" and his voice is so soft, soothing, everything you don't deserve now. Your hand clutches a fistful of your shirt, right where your heart rests. "Are you in here, honey?" and you sniffle, an answer all on its own. You barely hear his footsteps, but you feel it when the bed dips just slightly, and you feel it when he gently pulls at your blanket. When he's pulled it back, he's met with the sight of your tear-streaked cheeks. Your nose was runny and raw, and your lip was quivering. It didn't take a profiler to know that you'd been crying, and he frowns.

"Are you alright?" he questions, and his hand reaches out to brush against your cheek and neck, almost like he was checking your temperature. "You've been crying?" and he examines you subtly for any signs of assault or struggle. "Did something happen?" and he knows he keeps asking questions, but he's getting worried.

"P-" and a sob racks through you, your entire body curling in on itself. Your hand is pressing against your mouth again, and your shoulders shake as you began to cry once more. "Piper she-" and your head shakes, hand clenching and unclenching against your shirt. Aaron's eyes dance around your room, and his eyebrows push inwards. He was worried, but determined to be extremely delicate with you, namely by being patient as you got out what you needed to tell him. "Piper's dead." you finally say, shoulders sagging as you weep.

Aaron's examining your face, which gives you a front row seat of the way his face is eclipsed with compassion. "Oh, honey..." his lips pull downwards into a frown, and you know, of course you know it's awkward. What do you realistically say to a person that loses their cat? It's not like any amount of conversation would bring her back. "I'm so sorry...." and usually it sounds empty when anyone offers condolences, but like with most things, Aaron is an exception. "Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened?" he pleads.

And you know that he knows that you're not okay. It's meant to be a stupid question, the obvious one. But you also know that he's giving you the chance to vent, to articulate everything you feel with no judgement. It makes you want to curl into him, and stay wrapped up in his arms until neither of you had any idea where one ended and the other began. "I just-" you have to take a moment to gather yourself, hiccupping blubbers escaping you. "I came home, and I-" your voice cracks harshly. "She was just gone. I don't-" you shake your head.

"I don't know what happened." you express, and Aaron's sympathetic, and he hates seeing you like this. Every time you cry it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. He supposed that came with loving you, an innate desire to protect you, and keep the bad things out. He'd only ever seen you in this state a handful of times, mostly when things went wrong at the hospital and you lost a patient. He had to get to you before you started blaming yourself for something that completely out of your control.

He didn't know much, but he did know your love for Piper, and how deep it ran. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that you'd never do something to put her in harm's way, you'd never do anything to hurt her. And he wants to pull you into his arms and tell you everything will be alright, he wants to be there to anchor you down. To ground you in the midst of all these swimming and overwhelming emotions trying to fight for the upper hand. He wanted to be there for you.

"Is there anything that you need from me?" he asks gently, grief was harsh, it came in ripples and waves. It was gut-punching, it could be loud and then silent. Sneaky and then outright. It was a process, and whether anyone else thought so, if you needed to grieve the life of your pet, you should. Who was he to ever get in the way? He's gently rubbing his thumb over your cheek, your tears splattering as you kept the duvet pulled up to your chin, as you stared him down. He figured you must have been deep in thought.

It takes a moment for you to reply, and he's fine with the silence. You're tears haven't stopped, but they've grown more quiet. Silent tears that pool and trickle down his wrist and onto the blanket. You soon take in a shaky puff of air as you sit up. Aaron's patient as ever, watching as you pull your legs from underneath the blanket, crawling until you were sitting on his lap. There's no sexual undertone to your movements, you don't want to fool around, you just want to be close.

Your head rests against him, eyes closing as his arms envelop you. "Can you just stay with me?" you ask, and he's already nodding his head. You both knew it was an impossible request. At any moment you could get paged, or he could get a call about a new case. The world didn't stop all because you were grieving, but for one second you both could pretend. He could stay right here with you, and you could love him, and not feel so overwhelmed by all your sadness.

"I'm not going anywhere." he mutters, and he's reaching for your hand. His easily dwarfs your own, but it's still just as comfortable, letting your palms press against his own. "I have never lost a cat before-" and he's treading lightly, wanting more than anything to help you and not harm you. "But I did lose a pet when I was younger." he expresses, and your interest is peaked, just slightly.

"What type of pet?" you ask faintly, and you're squeezing his hand in your own. He knows that it's comforting you so he says nothing about the tight pinch of his fingers pressing together.

"He was a golden retriever actually." Aaron replies, "Nothing was particularly wrong with him. He was fed well, taken care of, treated like one of the family..." he proceeds, and you involuntarily hold your breath as you listen. "But one day he just... he just went." Hotch proceeds, "And when you're a little kid that's not in the best environment, a staple like a pet dog is important. Losing him was like losing the only bit of sanity I could cling to. Does that make sense?"

Your head nods, and you squeeze his hand again to show him you care. "And surprisingly enough, I found myself crying over it. Mourning this dog, an animal that was part of the family, but of course, was not my family member." he continues, and his chin rests on the top of your head. "The point is, him being a dog didn't make it hurt any less when he left. It's okay to be upset about Piper, she was important to you, special even." he whispers. "And you did a great job giving her all the love you possibly could." his eyes close then.

"I need you to know that it wasn't your fault. And keeping yourself up with thoughts of 'what ifs'." it's his turn to squeeze your hand this time. "And those moments where you... didn't want to play, or wanted to be left alone are not what she remembered when she passed on." he insists, and he won't take any arguments on the matter. "You gave her five amazing years, and whether science backs it up or not, she knew how much you loved her." he insists. "You might not believe it today, but I hope that you do in time." and he kisses your forehead.

It's butterfly inducing, and makes you cling all the more to him. "You're not by yourself." he adds, and you're glad to know it. You peel back, eyes locking with his, and they're glassy. You hate seeing such a grief-stricken look on his face, at your sake no less. It makes you lean forward and kiss him, in the hopes you'd manage to kiss it away. He kisses back instantly, and you're still sad, you probably will be for a long while, but you don't feel as lonely as you did an hour ago.

"I love you." you mumble the second you've pulled back, and this time there's no phone. His eyes are swirling with so many thoughts and feelings of his own, but you need him to know you mean it, and likely always will. You couldn't imagine anyone else being here with you like this now, nobody else that would care enough to grieve with you. He gives you a half smile, and kisses you once more, a much deeper kiss that makes you lightheaded and dizzy. Of course he had that effect.

"I love you too." and you're happy that he hasn't left you hanging. Your fingers trace his collarbones and cheeks, moving to cup his face with your right hand. You kiss him again, this time just long enough to get the message across. When you pull back, your head is finding it's place back on his chest, and his arms move up and down, rubbing gentle circles against your back, as he cranes his neck to kiss your head. It makes your stomach flutter, but it makes you want to cry too.

He leaves three gentle pecks on the top of your head, moving to kiss your cheek, before he's looping his arms around your waist with a palpable amount of admiration. He plants a sweet kiss on your shoulder, and mimic this action by offering him a kiss of your own. "Thank you." you exhale, and you mean it so wholeheartedly.

"You don't need to thank me, Y/N. We take care of each other, mon amour, remember?" and he recites your earlier words back to you. It makes you cling to him much tighter, tears returning to your lashline as Aaron pulls you even closer to him. "If you need to cry a little bit more, go right ahead. I'm right here." so you do.

Grief was a lot, it could be paralyzing, debilitating, and outright traumatic, but you knew even if it didn't feel that way now, in time you'd be okay. Part of you felt like you had Aaron to thank for that.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotcher fluff #aaron hotchner angst #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner fluff #hotch #hotch x reader

[chromations]

The one story that scares me the most away from substance use is Jimmy Page. It's not an easy topic to go by, yet I'm still hesitant to post this.

Finding out the pure severity of Jimmy's health between '75-'83, mainly talking about 1977. This whole topic makes me so sad, but I always keep looking.

More under cut, it's a long post unpacking that year. Feel free to add.

We all know he did heroin, starting in 1975, and that he's always been skinny and underweight. But it started amping up in '76, taking more with a noticeable weight loss.

That man was practically on the brink of death from 1977. Between constant shows, rarely eating save for a liquid diet, rarely sleeping, and his addictions... it's scary. He had a weight goal that'd been just about reached: between 125-130 Ibs at 5'11½". (And while an inaccurate measurement of health for those heavier, this falls into 17 on the BMI chart: severely underweight) He dropped a few waist sizes (men's 29 in '75, down to men's 26) and had refused to talk to Peter Clifton after he'd included wide shots of Jimmy in TSRTS and a single roll of his stomach, as it made his ass "too wide." The black dragon pants didn't fit anymore, and fell off during a show. You can see him in the black dragon suit plus a belt during the Oakland photos. Note that these pants had completely fit him without need of a belt two years prior. He ended up at around a men's 26 waist. He'd stopped eating completely for a few days in a row during some tours.

Safe to say, Jimmy was extremely weight conscious. I think he met the criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis, as well.

There's accounts of him having stage fright and anxiety. He'd show up to '77 tour shows completely exhausted, nodding off constantly. Peter Grant had ended up slapping him awake and giving him coke just so he wouldn't pass out.

Then, there's the Chicago '77 show. Jimmy, sick on stage. His eyes are bloodshot, he's had nothing but orange juice in the past 60 hours, along with no sleep in that time frame. Sick from smack and coke, along with all of the previous factors of being an anxious wreck. It's a wonder he got through the first 7 songs before having to sit down during Ten Years Gone, calling for a 5 minute break, and then canceling the show. He couldn't go on that night, just nearly crumpling to sit. This is the story that scared me the most.

Linked below, the show is recorded up until Robert announces the show is canceled.

https://youtu.be/YVCiBd1oodU?feature=shared

I remember reading this account from Dave Northover (Jones' personal assistant):

This is what shattered my heart, initially reading it. How harshly drugs shattered Jimmy's brain, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There's also a quote from Jimmy in an interview from the year: "I'm not into solid foods very much. I can't remember when I last had a steak. A few tours ago. It's just that you don't want too much in your stomach when you're playing. And there are some places you can't eat after you come back from the gig." He then notes that the banana daiquiris that he'd been consuming all the time are the answer to any problems, "having that every day and nothing to eat at all."

Additionally, In that interview, Jimmy says that earlier on in Zeppelin, Jimmy "had really been eating" and that he'd tried on the clothes from when he was in school, only for it to be very loose. It worries me more to remember that Jimmy stopped school at the age of 16 and had always been underweight. High metabolism, illness prone, and bouts of glandular fever during his time with The Crusaders (still was a teenager), not improved one bit by his undereating.

It's hurtful to hear how, more often than not, the media will praise a celebrity for their skinny figure, even if they're extremely unhealthy with it. Jimmy Page is no exception, as people praised him for his figure during his age.

Heroin is no joke, and I wouldn't wish the addiction it so easily presents to anyone. Withdrawals and smack sickness is scary to even witness, completely altering the person it grips. People often note how jimmy was an asshole, especially in the late 70s, but when dealing with a heroin addiction, with what is basically an eating disorder, high anxiety, with the goal of living your music, the goal of pleasing the crowd, getting the job done, and most of all, surviving, the way you act isn't at the front of your mind. I'm sure Page was aware he was an asshole, but with what he was dealing with, it's not important. Instant gratification, reward, matters more. Not dying matters more. Getting the next hit matters more. His image mattered more.

No matter how much of an asshole he was, and some of the reprehensible things he'd committed earlier on, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. You see the light leave his eyes as the years went on, you know that while he recovered, those were the darkest years of his life that we know, and there's a reason he'd rarely talk about it: Who would want to?

I've heard multiple people say that if we hadn't lost Bonham in '80, then within those few years, we would've lost Page. It's a wonder he was able to still go on in the early 80s.

Even comparing photos of him in 73, 75, and 77, you go from a "safer" underweight, to his ribs completely visible.

I'm glad we still have him around. This whole topic is not easy to go by, and while most anti drug campaigns don't sway me much, it's the slow / fast decent into all of this that gives me such a strong reaction.

I don't appreciate seeing the way it's so casually joked about amongst the online zeppelin areas. People do take it seriously, but there's always the insensitive ones.

(Adding on, since I accidentally posted this as a draft)

Many people blame page for the effects of his addiction: Sloppy guitar playing, distancing from the rest of the band, assholery behavior.

You can't fault an addict for falling addicted. You can fault them for starting it, maybe, and you can criticize them for all you want. Still, a heroin addiction isn't just as cigarettes. It's the easiest to fall addicted to, and one of the hardest to quit, especially when a physical dependency is grown. Withdrawal symptoms could start early, and extreme too. Most heroin addicts trying to quit will relapse within the first day or two, it's not easy as that.

Considering how unhelpful the help was at the time, quitting cold turkey at these points would probably worsen his condition for a while, considering how rail thin Jimmy had been. The people around him grew worried, grew mad, and I find myself wondering how he could still pick up the guitar and rail out the LA Forum 1977 show, producing banger shows through 77, yet the shoddiest shows as well.

There could be little done about treatment of eating disorders as well, due to medical knowledge and stigma around it. I'll sympathize with this part, having the experience of one: ED recovery on your own is rough. I don't know how jimmy got out of heroin and an ED, and I don't think the process of that should become business unless necessary.

If you find yourself falling into these vices, seek help. Nothing about this is normal: not the lifestyle, nor the pressures.

Jimmy's case will always haunt me. I'd wish this upon no one.

#tw drugs #jimmy page #led zeppelin #tw disordered eating

[strniohoeee]

matt and reader are bestfriends, they are also deeply in love w/ eachother but they would never admit it. one night matt asks her to go on a night drive on the Hollywood hills and chris and nick are suspicious. matt stops on a hill after grabbing some takeout, they go eat outside the car while it starts raining so they run in the car and sit in silence still laughing hearing the sound of the rain, things start to get tense and they confess and have a heavy makeout session, it is also her first kiss and he's very gentle (but also a bit handsy) then they go home and continue what they started (maybe slight nsfw non sex but something)

can you do it long? i love long one shots ! 🤎

Drive

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt and Y/N are madly in love, but they are so in love they are blind to it. Matt takes reader on a drive, and things start to take a little turn🫂

Warnings⚠️: Erm…heated make out session, groping, and a handjob😄

Song for the imagine: Picture Perfect- Jhené Aiko

⚠️This is an 18+ imagine, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

You are picture perfect to me

So I keep you in a frame

Keep that frame in my brain

I’m not exactly too sure on when I fell in love with Matt, but all I know is this feeling started to control my life. If he was with another girl, if he mentioned a possible date, if fans said he was liking other girls' posts. My love for him was too much that it sometimes made me ill

I was so afraid of Matt not liking me back that I just kept this to myself, and occasionally asked my friends back home for advice.

He was my best friend though. We always went out and hung out together. Oftentimes we saw friendship edits of us, and rarely did we see shipping edits of us.

This made it clear in my head that the way we acted only came off as friendly, so therefore Matt didn’t like me.

It hurt though. I wanted him to like me, and I wanted him to look at me the way that he looked at some of these girls that would walk by.

I kind of had a feeling that Nick and Chris knew I liked Matt. They would always look at one another, or whisper to each other and then text each other while watching Matt and I.

I remember the day their suspicions started

We were at the beach, and I was standing up getting ready to head to the water, and a girl walked past Matt, his eyes immediately following her every move

My head snapped to watch him, and my eyes dropped. Immediately wanting to run away, Chris and Nick watched this interaction happen and knew something was up

But regardless him and I stood really close

“Hey Y/N would you maybe want to get something to eat and go for a drive?” Matt asked me as I was sitting on their couch scrolling on my phone

“Uh yeah that sounds fun” I said getting up and slipping my shoes on

Chris and Nick were in the kitchen, and exchanged glances at each other.

I walked to the kitchen to grab my purse

“Are Nick and Chris coming” I asked him

“Uhh no I figured it could be just us two” he said smiling at me

My eyes shot between Chris and Nicks, and then I turned around

“Oh uh yeah okay” I said to him

“Mmm have fun FRIENDS” Nick said putting emphasis on the word friends

“We will” I said walking down the stairs

It was such a beautiful night out, not too cold and not too warm. I had hopped into the car, and Matt put it in drive

“Canes?” He asked looking over at me

“Ouu yes that sounds so good” I said plugging my phone into the aux

Rain by SWV started playing, and I immediately started bobbing my head to the music

“I like this song” Matt said

“Oh SWV is amazing. They got some good r&b love songs” I told him

“I’ll have to give them a listen” he said looking at the song again

We got to canes, and ordered our food

“I say we go up to Hollywood hills and eat outside” Matt said looking over at me

“Yeah that sounds nice” I said to him

We got our food, and Matt started driving

We got up to the hills, and parked in a little secluded area. We left the car on, so that we could have more light as we set the food on the hood of the car to start eating

We were eating and just enjoying each others company

“You know that hat I’ve been dying to get my hands on but it was always sold out” he asked me

“Yeah” I said swallowing and taking a sip of my drink

“I finally fucking got it” he said taking a sip of his drink

“Was it worth it?” I asked him

“Not really….I look fucking stupid with it on” he said laughing. This made me giggle and playfully roll my eyes at him

“And what did we learn from this?” I asked him laughing

“That I’d probably do that again” he said giggling

“Matt! You gotta do better” I said shaking my head at him

We both finished eating, and we were just sipping on our drinks chatting while leaning on the hood of the car

“I need to film a YouTube video” I said to matt

“Yeah you’ve been slacking” he said

“Hey! Be nice I’m out of ideas” I said to him

“Let’s film a video together” he said offering

“Ou that’s not a bad idea” I said

“We should-

Before Matt could finish his sentence it just started pouring on us. Like torrential downpour

“WHAT THE FUCK” I screamed

And matt was trying to get the keys out of his pocket to unlock the car, and when he finally unlocked it we both jumped inside

We started dying of laughter at how shocked we got, and how we got soaked

“That shit came out of nowhere” Matt said wiping his eyes and brushing his hair back

“I know right like what the fuck” I said using tissues from Canes to dry my face and hands

“I got jumpscared by fucking rain” Matt said laughing, and I started to laugh so hard at the way Matt was laughing

“Oh god” I said wiping my eyes and holding my stomach

It was still pouring, and we were just now sitting in the silence listening to the rain beat down onto the car

The silence started to get tense, and almost awkward? I was looking around and avoiding Matt’s eyes at all cost

“Can I say something” Matt said randomly

“Uh yeah go right ahead” I told him

“I really fucking like you….like bad” he said

My head snapped his way, and I looked into his eyes

“You like me??” I asked him while pointing at myself

“Like a lot….like you’re all I think about when I wake up, and you’re my last thought before I go to bed” he said reading my face for an answer

“Matt I have liked you for so fucking long. Like the way I feel about you causes me pain in my chest” I told him

“I was so scared to tell you” he said

“Scared to tell me? I was so scared to tell you” I said to him

“I should’ve seen it all along” he said and looked down to my lips

“Can I kiss you?” He asked me

“Matt I’ve never kissed anyone before” I said looking at him

“I’ll teach you, come here” he said motioning with his fingers for me to come in closer

I leaned in, and lightly licked his lips before leaning in, and I leaned in as well shutting my eyes

Matt’s lips crashed onto mine, and it took a split second for me to realize before I started kissing him back. Immediately fireworks, and butterflies in my stomach

He pulled away and looked at me before he went back in and started kissing me again. He put his hand on my cheek, and slowly slid it down to my neck lightly pulling me in

I had opened my mouth for Matt to start slipping his tongue in, and he got that idea real quick. We both started to make out. It was hot and sloppy, and this was turning me on big time

He moved from my lips down to my jawline, and then to my neck leaving kisses

He pulled away and looked at me, at that point the rain stopped

“Wow” I said looking at him

“Look the rain stopped…we should head home, and uhh you know” he said winking at me

“Yeah sure” I said snapping back to reality and putting my seat belt back on

Matt drove us back home, and when we got inside we were both giggling and holding hands. As he walked us to his room. We passed Chris and Nick on the way, and we both waved at them and kept it moving

Matt threw me onto the bed and crashed his lips onto mine. We were making out and he started to caress my breast

“Oh matt” i sighed out

“Fuck you moaning my name is so hot” he said kissing my neck

I reached down, and started to palm his growing dick

“Oh fuck Y/N” he said shutting his eyes

“Matt that’s so hot” I said lifting up to kiss his lips

We made out for a little while longer while getting handsy

“Matt come on let me give you a handjob” I told him

“Baby…” he said biting his lip

“Pleaseee” I said kissing his neck

“Okay baby” he said kissing my forehead

He laid back lifting his search up a little bit

“You have to tell me how you like it because I’ve never done this” I told him

“Okay baby I’ll show you” he said

He slid his pants down a bit and then his underwear to allow his cock to spring up

“Oh Matt” I said biting my lip

“What baby?” He said looking over at me

“You’re so fucking hot” I said

“Thank you baby” he said lightly blushing

“So show me what you like” I told him

“Grab my dick” he said, so I grabbed his dick, god it was so heavy

“Now spit on the tip” he said looking over at me

“WHAT” I said shocked

“You heard me” he said

I leaned up and spat on his dick

“Now use your hand to rub the spit all over my dick” he said

I spread the spit from his tip down to the shaft

“Perfect” he said shuttering

“Okay now stroke up and down you can grip harder” he told me

So I grabbed his dick harder, and started to stroke up and down

“Good, now when you go back up squeeze the tip before you go back down” he said

So I did exactly that, and Matt shut his eyes moaning my name

“Fuck now you can go faster, so I can cum” he said biting his lip

I gripped his dick and started to jerk him off harder

“Fuck fuck I’m going to cum” he said as he started to shake a little bit

“Keep going baby fuckkk” he moaned out

I kept stroking his dick faster, and with a moan of my name his lower abdomen contracted and he came all over my hand and his lower stomach

“Fuck Y/N you’re so good to me” he said kissing me

He got up and cleaned himself up, and I cleaned my hands. We jumped back into his bed and put some cartoons on before we fell asleep.

The End

Im rolling out these requests like my life depends on it 🫢🖤 for whoever requested this I hope I didn’t disappoint 🥰

-J💅🏽

A/N: I have 5 tattoos🤞🏽

#sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplet smut #smut

[azurevi]

in a crowd of thousands

aka a collection of ideas for my childhood friends to lovers leona au / aka my headcanons of the entire life of leona kingscholar. jeez

note: am i dumping all my ideas for this au here because they’re too disorganised and messy that i can’t work out anything but i don’t want to just let them go to waste? yes i am. this au has been tormenting me for weeks but my brain just can’t figure how to seamlessly plan it so chances are i’m gonna put it away. it’s not like i laid awake in bed till 4am because i was thinking about it last night anyways lololololol

i did actually write a bit for this au, which you can find at the end of all the points, but it is unedited and was done before the tamashina-mina event so it’s definitely not perfect. i would be happy if it was readable-

this idea dump is 5.8k (god bless), and the attached work is around 4k? so yea

The story starts when Leona is 8, begrudgingly attending Farena’s coming of age ceremony. Everyone is cheering and celebrating the beloved first prince’s birthday, all the while Leona sulks in the carriage, feeling the acidic jealousy rot in his stomach. He’s never received a celebration this grand in his name before, and he’s certainly never worn something some extravagant, even on his own birthday.

Just as he’s fighting his urge not to jump off of the royal carriage, he’s approached by an eager kid who, judging by appearance, can’t be older than him. they’re putting their short legs to use by chasing the carriage, a bouquet of fresh flowers secure in their grip. Leona thinks at first that it’s yet another present for Farena, but they’re calling for him instead, asking that he take the flowers. So he does, reaching all the way out of the carriage to grab the gift, earning surprised and distraught yells from the guards.

By the time he’s seated and looks back again, they’ve already disappeared in the sea of people.

Leona’s never received anything like this before. People only ever compliment and offer gifts to Farena, fuzzing over his bubbly personality and applauding the grace he presents himself with. Even back when they were faced with their mother’s death from a deadly illness, he was still praised for upholding his dignity and composure, while Leona stood at his side, mourning the death of one of the only people who truly cared about him.

So naturally Leona’s curious about the nameless admirer. And what better way to meet them than to order flowers from each and every florist’s shop in Sunset Savannah to see if they’ll show up for the delivery? It’s a long shot, one that depends entirely on the assumption that they even work at a flower shop and didn’t just buy the bouquet somewhere else. But he’s willing to bet on his luck.

So days passed, Leona’s made like twenty or so orders and his room is filled with foliage, from small pots of plants to tall wide leaves. Kifaji is honestly a bit confused by this, and a lot of guards are saying that he’s throwing an unreasonable tantrum. But never-mind them, because he eventually gets what he wants.

So on a fine early afternoon another delivery comes. This time it’s a whole cart filled with blooms of different colors. Sort of looks like a whole bush has been moved onto it. It’s so huge that he can’t see the person rolling the cart, but then he lolls his head to the side and spots those familiar eyes, the ones he’s been wondering about when he’s wide awake at midnight.

And guess what? They’re excited to see him too. So much so that they topple over and cause the entire cart to fall forward. The bush cascades onto him like a waterfall, but luckily the cart doesn’t crash him, but instead fall backward with a loud CRASH. Kifaji almost has a heart attack at that.

At Leona’s command the retainers and chamberlains leave him alone with the kid, and they get to know each other, like where the kid’s from, why they gave him the flowers etc. Turns out they wanted to thank him for the clothes donation he did for the poor kids living near Elephant’s Legacy a while back then.

Leona doesn’t have the heart to tell them that the donation wasn’t his idea, that he only said ‘whatever’ when the tailor suggested that he gave the ill-fitting outfits to kids in need.

Wanting to spend more time with his new ‘admirer’, he ditches class and sneaks them all around the palace, showing them things that have their eye’s sparkling in awe, but especially his personal achievements. They’re amazed by all of it: where people states that his interest in chess is somewhat boring (even though it’s just because he’s not as energetic and sociable as his brother), they think that it’s cool and smart. Even though he doesn’t like painting as his brother and father do, they don’t judge him for it, but instead agree that spending time in the library reading ancient books is more worthwhile.

Then they move on to talk about magic. Leona is obviously proficient, but they on the other hand actually don’t possess it. At least not yet. So they’re like ‘omg you have a unique magic already can you show me’ and that’s when Leona hesitates. He has endless ways to impress them, but his unique magic has always been something that others frown upon. It’s destructive, it’s messy, and it’s not beautiful. But you insist anyways, and young Leona decides, what the hell, screw it.

And to his surprise, they’re not a bit terrified. Quite the contrary, as you goes off on a tangent talking about how it could come in handy in so many situations.

And that’s the start of a precious friendship! Leona decides to order flowers regularly from their shop alone, and they get to know each other a lot better from there onward.

Years pass and they’re basically besties now. The young florist visits at least once a week, and the second prince is always more cheery and energised when they’re hanging out.

He tells them all about his life, how his mother had been sick for as long as he could remember and how her death took a toll on him. How Kifaji is pretty much the only chamberlain that doesn’t talk behind his back. How the others do it all the time just because Farena shines far brighter than he does.

The florist talks behind their backs as revenge, and it makes him feel just a bit better. And proud too.

It’s great knowing that someone cares and appreciates him. It makes him want to keep trying.

Similarly they let him into their life. They show them where they live, which is somewhere near the border between the bustling city and the neglected neighbourhoods, the poorer villages that fail to catch up with the Sunrise City and other major cities’ developments. Due to the country’s insistence to uphold the ‘coexistence with nature’ mission, little progress is resulted in those areas, and the disparity is beginning to look like a wide canyon.

Having lived in the palace for most of his life, this is the first time Leona learns of the parts of Sunset Savannah that the royals don’t talk about.

And as a result of the slow, almost stagnant growth of these places, infrastructures are nearly unaccessible. Even if people get sick (and they get sick quite a lot) they don’t get much medical support, at least not nearby.

One of the victims is the florist’s mother— and this is entirely the reason why they need to be working at such a young age. She’s been ill for a long time and is bed-ridden for the better part of a day, so they have to support the family. There is little medicine they can get their hands on, and even if they do get something, nothing really works.

With such a important mission on their shoulder, they’ve never really considered what they wanted to be in the future. The immediate goal was to have their mother get better, and to keep the family business going.

Looking at the ghastly lives of the people is sort of a reality check for Leona. And that’s when he begins to feel an ambition grow inside him.

He wants to change things, because no one in the palace seems to care about the people who are suffering so long as they’re out of sight.

The first time he raises the idea with his father, the king does take his words into consideration, but ultimately decides that it’s more important to preserve the country’s culture. Plus the councillors / politicians etc don’t agree with his views anyways, claiming that he’s too young to understand that ‘some sacrifices have to be made’.

Which is absurd, because he’s looking right at one of the sacrifices right now, and it’s their most important friend, who’s forced to provide for their family all on his own.

Leona doesn’t give up. He goes on learning more about the country he lives in, spends a little more time away from the glorious Sunrise City, and comes up with plans to improve Sunset Savanna. They’re not perfect, most of them are not totally feasible, but at least he’s doing something. Even Kifaji gives him his own opinions at times, unlike the other chamberlains who dislike that he’s trying to upend how the country’s always been operated.

All the while the florist gives him all the support he needs. Even when it feels like the majority of the world is against him at times, with them by his side, he feels invincible, like he can really change the world if he wants to.

Them making flower crowns for him as he works on his projects… that’s it. That’s the image.

Leona is maybe around 14, 15. His father falls ill (why is everyone sick in this story…) and there is a dire need of a new ruler to watch over the country in his hopefully momentary absence.

A king. Leona’s spent his whole life looking at one, and though he’s far from a mature adult, he tries his hand at politics anyways, hoping that he at least has a shot at becoming one in the near future. But everyone has already had their pick, and it’s none other than Farena. Farena, who rejects Leona’s ideals like everyone else.

“It’s simply too complicated”, he says, but Leona doesn’t see how hard it can be to take a new path.

But he’s still trying, at least for his dear friend. His dear friend, who’s been sticking with him through all the doubts and rejections. His dear friend, who’s promised time after time that they’ll never leave him or turn their back to him. His dear friend, who is there for some of the worst nights he has, comforting him as he winds down from nightmares. His dear friends, who always smells like a walking garden. His dear friend, whom he inevitably falls for.

At the same time, a romance is blooming somewhere else in the palace. Farena has fallen in love with Malaika, and after perhaps a few years of dating on the down low, they are ready to get married. And obviously this is good news. People see this as another indication that Farena will be a great king, seeing as he’s already had so much planned before him.

It’s like they don’t even plan to give Leona a chance.

But as always, his friend somehow sees the better side of things as they always do, telling him not to lose all hope yet.

Sometimes it feels like they’re the only person keeping him going. Would be. sad if they were to. Leave him. (clear throat) Anyways.

In the meanwhile, he decides to take advantage of the wedding. Perhaps the passionate atmosphere can assist him in his own romantic endeavours. Though it’s usually unusual and almost unorthodox for a commoner to attend a royal wedding, they get a pass since Kifaji assigns them to help with the decorations.

And it kind of does. He gets to dance with them, though the music is way too quick for him to really soak in the moment. He gets to see up close how there are stars in their eyes as they watch the bride and groom exchange their vows. Eventually, during dinner, he becomes annoyed by the other guests’ heartless questions about his life and sneaks away with his friend. It ends with a few guards hot on their tails, and in a moment of fight or flight, they dart into one of the empty rooms to hide.

Which just so happens to be the throne room. There’s no one around to berate him anyways, so Leona decides to stride towards the throne and take a seat on the gilded surface, overseeing the now vacant room. There seems to be power infused in this simple throne; the power he needs to make a change in the world, to make the ignorant listen to not just him, but also the demands of the people.

As if that’s not enough, they move to his side and jokingly calls him ‘your majesty’ and his heart does a whole somersault. Even though it’s just for a moment, he feels like he has everything he needs in his hand: the person he loves, and the throne that he so deserves.

And really, he could’ve just told them his feelings there and now, but he’s so caught up in the moment that he decides to postpone it. He’ll have the opportunity to do it in the future anyways. He’s certain that they’ll stay with him till the end of time.

When the invitation letter from NRC comes, Leona doesn’t bat an eye. There’s nothing the school can teach him that he hasn’t already mastered. Plus he’d rather stay here with his friend than go somewhere else all on his own.

Not to mention he’s busy trying to persuade those in power to agree with his vision about rebranding the country, which has been largely unsuccessful. Farena has been busy attending to other matters, and though Malaika sees where Leona’s coming from, she too is burdened by her share of responsibilities.

Time after time the officials have described his ideas as foolish, irresponsible, unreasonable, as if they still see him as an incapable child. Meanwhile it seems like they go along with everything Farena does, even if it jeopardises the livelihood of those under poverty line. All the while his friend's mother withers away. Watching the impending death looms over them places a knife in his chest. He doesn’t want to see them grief like he did when his mother left.

Leona can’t help but feel frustrated. Years of hard work hasn’t led him anywhere. As a kid he was more often frowned upon than not, but now that he was a teenager he still hasn’t gained the respect he deserves. Projects after projects are banned, to the point where the council members groan every time he shows up to their meetings. His ambition starts to dwindle. It feels like he’s trapped in the same tunnel with no hope of escaping.

Well, except when he’s with the only person who understands him. Even when they’re spending most of their time taking care of their mother now, he still derives strength from the occasional letters exchanged between them. (i loveeeee letters i love epistolary fics)

The pent-up frustration eventually leads him to do something rash: he challenges Farena for the position of Sunset Savanna’s ruler. To anyone else, it sounds like an absurd comedy. Leona— 16 and still growing— is challenging Farena, who not only is a decade older but also has more experiences than he does in managing a country.

I feel like challenges to the throne can go two ways; either they settle this with a physical fight or a peaceful voting. Obviously the former is going to hurt a lot more but I feel like it’ll be more impactful…

So say the rules require them to settle this with a fight. Which now that I think about would be more reasonable because there’s no way Leona will get enough votes anyways. So under a stormy night (for dramatic effects) the two brothers have an inevitable clash, and this isn’t just for the title of king.

It’s also the anguish Leona feels from living in Farena’s shadow all these years. His anger at the unattainable standard he has created for him. His jealousy at all the love that’s been thrown his way, all the attention their father has given him. But also the sadness from having him as a brother, from the lack of connection between them. It’s never really Farena’s fault, more like since the day Leona realized why the guards were more concerned with a paper cut on Farena’s hand than half of his room dissolved into sand, a crack formed in their relationship, and it only grew larger until it’s an impossible canyon.

The ending is written in stone. The guards and Malaika watch on, the spectators sparse and few. They’d rather not have the people know about such dispute within the royal family. The rain washes away the beads of red on the ground, but not the bruises on each of them’s flesh, and certainly not the gaping wounds in their hearts. Even as Leona is pushed to the corner, he doesn’t let himself stay down, his aching legs and sore arms be damned. And with him not admitting defeat, Farena can’t end the fight.

In the end, it is Kifaji who pulls him away before he’s injured beyond recognition, but even then he thrashes and attempts to push him away. “Let go of me”, “I’m not losing”. The words scratch his throat as he yells. Finally, Kifaji lets go of his arm, his face twisted in hurt.

“Tone it down, my prince! You’re being difficult!” It hurts him as much as it does Leona, but he goes on, “There’s no point.”

It feels like yet another inescapable twist. Kifaji, who’s always given him the silent approval. Kifaji, who treats him to sautéed mutton every time he’s faced with defeat. Kifaji, whom he trusts with his life. It turns out that he’s just like everyone else.

That day, it’s not just his relationship with Farena that shatters, but also the bond he shared with Kifaji.

Allowing no one near him, Kifaji has no choice but to visit his only friend. They rush with him back to the palace upon hearing about everything that’s happened, and feels their heart lurch uncomfortably at the sight of Leona’s battered state.

With utmost precision, they clean and bandage his wounds like how they wrap papers around bunches of flowers. The silence stretches, as if the moment it’s broken, the tears welling in their eyes will fall uncontrollably.

And so neither of them speak a word. Once they’re done with throwing away the bloodied towels, Leona lets his head loll onto their shoulder. Even in their presence it feels like his heart is hardening into a rock, one that upon being crushed, will never be recovered again. The night embraces them; two souls beaten down by life, robbed of their hopes and dreams.

Leona will never admit it, but that night, he holds their hand like it’s his only lifeline.

In the end, the thing that stomps on his aspirations is but a little child.

Cheka is what Malaika and Farena decide to call him. The young, adorable son of the king (in all but name anyways), who is also a promise that Leona shall never get the throne.

It’s… devastating. His steely, cold eyes are fixed unblinkingly on the snoring infant in his arms. Cheka had been crying non-stop in the middle of the night, craving his mother’s embrace, but Malaika is caught up in a meeting. As it turns out, funnily enough, he only goes quiet when he’s shoved into Leona’s arms.

Leona wills himself to feel hatred, to feel spite, but nothing comes out but for a single tear that rolls down his face. The only thing eating him up inside is pity for himself.

He feels lost. For the longest time he’s felt like he’s playing on the losing team, like the game’s rigged, but to think that the definite indication of his defeat is a young child?

The walls of the palace close in on him. Any second now they’ll come crashing down. Would anyone notice if he’s buried under debris? Probably not. The beloathed second prince, the disappointment in everyone’s eyes.

Is there any point in trying?

As hopelessness engulfs him, his only hope is to call for the only person left in his life who would still back him up. After all, they’ve promised time after time that they wouldn’t give up on them both. Hours tick by; he paces in his room, feeling every hair on his skin. There seems to be a predator in the corner of his room, looming over him, waiting to catch him in a moment of weakness.

He waits, and waits some more. When the guard returns empty-handed, he goes there by himself.

When was the last time they met? Right. Last month, when Leona asked the royal healer to gauge the cause of their mother’s illness. Dread overcomes him as he nears the shabby shop. Paired with the crumbling depression he’s been feeling the whole day, he won’t be surprised if the ground under him caves in swallows him whole.

It’s empty. The wooden sign says ‘closed’. There’s no light from the second floor, where they live. The flowers in front of the shop has withered. It looks vacant, deserted. Coincidentally, that’s also how Leona feels.

They’re just … gone. No one has idea where they’ve gone to; all of their neighbours claim that they just disappeared one day, like they were taken by the wind. Leona sends out anyone who’s not caught up in caring for the newborn prince to look for them, but to no avail. He has no idea what has happened to them, or whether they’re even still— alive.

The thought makes him sick to the stomach.

He waits for days. Weeks. Then he realises that he’s truly alone. For the first time in his life, there’s no one left in his life who know him.

Call it impulse, call it his mind playing tricks. He doesn’t have it in him to think about reason anyways. All he knows is that the longer he stays in this cage of a palace, he’ll suffocate.

A fortnight later, he digs out the crumbled, forgotten invitation letter from his drawer, and leaves for the college far away from his homeland.

Three or four years of school. That’s quite enough to make someone become a bitter, cynical person. That’s where Leona finds himself anyways, lazing his time away at NRC. He doesn’t technically like it here— too many people, too noisy— but it’s better than being stuck in the palace, forced to come face to face with the fact that he’s born with the short end of the stick.

Classes are largely meaningless. He doesn’t have to listen to a single lecture to get full marks in tests and exams. Leading his dorm and the Magift club doesn’t give him as much satisfaction as he initially expected. Most days it feels meaningless to do anything, but it doesn’t kill him. Whatever sadness or problems that come his way can be solved by a nap. If they persist, then two naps. Eventuality they will leave him alone; there isn’t much point in trying anyways.

Why the botanical garden? Well, it’s just a personal choice of his. Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that the mix of flowers and grass reminds him of a softer, better time. Not that he will ever admit it. If anyone asks him why he knows so much about botany, floriculture and all that, he can just brush it off by saying that he’s spent too much time in the garden.

He doesn’t really miss anything. Or anyone. This life he’s leading is not ideal, but, again, it’s just enough to get by.

At least he’s not totally lonely. There’s always someone bothering him, like Ruggie right now, who’s berating him for being late for the preparation of the entrance ceremony.

The corridor is packed with new, curious faces. Most of them seem to recognize the lion beastman and stay out of his way smartly. As he lazily trails behind Ruggie, he hears a bit of commotion coming from just around the corner. Gasps and cusses, and also muttered apologies.

It’s probably nothing, he thinks to himself as he turns— only to come face to face with a stack of books higher than him. It looms over him, threatening to fall directly on his head.

(is this… deja vu?)

Moments before he can feel the impact, Ruggie yells, “Laugh with me!” and manages to balance whoever’s holding the books. “Come on, Leona! We’re already late!”

As he clicks his tongue in annoyance and walks past the faceless student, he hears them mutter a thanks under their breath. It sounds- awfully familiar. Familiar enough to make him swivel around sharply, gaze drilling holes in their back.

“Leona!”

Damn it. He shakes the thought away and follows the hyena instead.

The little encounter gets forgotten in the back of his mind as he prepares to welcome a new group of dorm members. The newbies stand in a crooked queue, turning around and talking to the strangers around them. Some of them are adjusting their robes, the others fidgeting nervously. Whispers fly, most of them speculations of whichever dorm the speakers are about to be sorted in.

It doesn’t surprise him that most his new dorm members look to be physically advantaged. He wouldn’t want it other way; it helps raise his chances of victory in the next Magift tournament.

As he’s about to drift off into dreamland, he hears the next name being called. A name that he hasn’t spoken in years, a name that he’s been trying to bury in his memories.

There’s no mishearing it— his eyes are wide open now, landing on the hooded figure in front of the mirror. Their face is obscured, but then they give their own name to the mirror, and that’s when Leona knows for sure that’s it’s them.

He couldn’t put to words what was happening in his head. Happiness? Surprise? Confusion? An amalgamation of emotions blur within him. He holds his breath, waiting for the announcement of the dorm. What’s it gonna be? No, how even are they here? Have they somehow figured out magic? Where have they even been?

“The shape of thy soul belongs to… Savanaclaw."

Well, he'll be damned.

Immediately after hearing that, their head shoots up, eyes landing on the tall and muscled group of students. For some reasons he cannot fathom, he turns his face to the side, concealing himself. Is it because he's unready to confront a face from the past? Is it because he's hung up on the fact that they left him without a word?

No, it feels more like shame. He isn't sure if he wants to be seen by them in this state. Not yet.

He remains quiet during the trip back to the dorm. Ruggie shoots him a confused glance as he's supposed to give a short speech to welcome the first-year students, but he lets it slide.

Even as he's standing in the very front of the queue, he can make out that distinct flowery scent if he tries. Years of memories come crashing on him, so sudden that he finds himself at a loss of words as he leaves Ruggie to assign the rooms.

He knows there's no point in hiding when he's literally the dorm leader, but the thoughts within him are too much of a whirlwind. Even when he's time after time fantasized about meeting them again, this feels way too sudden. He needs time to untangle his feelings. Maybe then he'll have the guts to face them.

This plan goes down the drain in the end. He hates feeling like a coward, but what he hates even more is that they are literally in the same building as him, and he's knocking himself away. Propelled by nothing but a racing heart, he gets out of bed and down the hallways, coming to a stop in front of a room that he hopes is correct.

He knocks.

Seconds pass. No one seems to be answering. Just as he's about to give up and return to his room, the door is swung open, and in the doorway stands the person that's been weaving in and out of his dreams.

Time has been good to them. Their features have become more defined, and they are holding themselves up with more confidence now. Leona freezes right there like an awkward statue, mouth agape. Words fail him. What is he supposed to say anyways, except that he's missed them?

After a beat, recognition dawns on their face. The beam on their lips is so beautiful it could light up the whole building. They all but throw themselves at them, and Leona stumbles backward from the strength.

What is he to do but to wrap his ams around them as well? It feels like he's back in the palace again, only this time without any sourness coating his tongue.

So they finally get to talk about everything that's happened in the past years. It turns out that one night their mother got dangerously close to the edge of death, and in a moment of bone-chilling fear, they woke up the neighbourhood doctor for help. As usual, he couldn't do anything, but at the sight of their distraught tears, he advised that the two of them go away to this other country, where developments in technology and medicine were more advanced. With no time to waste, he helped them sneak onto the last late night ride out of Sunset Savanna and to the foreign land.

It turned out that there was indeed a possible cure for their mother, but the follow-up treatment was a long, taxing journey. They found a place to stay in, and it took six months for her situation to finally stabalize. By the time they had the time and money to return, Leona was already long gone. All they knew was that he'd gone to a prestigious school for magic users.

With the responsibility to support the family and continue the family business off their back, they could do whatever they want. And, as can be seen, they chose to pick up a few books from the local library and teach themselves magic, all so that they could meet Leona again.

At this, he is once again rendered speechless. All this time they've been giving their all just to get to him, and what has he been doing? Letting time slip through his fingers like sand? Suddenly he feels very, very small standing in front of them.

But as always, they don't push him away even after all this. Because they know the Leona who's buried under all these layesr: the Leona who's unafraid to speak up for his beliefs, the Leona who looks out for those around him, the Leona who never gives up no matter what. They're sure that he can pick himself up again.

And perhaps, with their hand securely in his once more, he can really try again.

I feel that it's a bit obvious that the ending is a bit rushed, even though it's supposed to be the 'to lovers' part in the 'childhood friends to lovers' equation. The truth is that my ideas only reached as far as the point where Leona goes to NRC, so the rest I just came up with on the spot. Not to mention this is just roughly how I imagine  the au would go, so there may be plot holes. That being said, here are some other ways the ending could go:

They don't get back together right away, but instead they slowly approach each other again, tip-toeing around each other the whole time. Perhaps they meet when his friend is visiting the botanical garden, because of course they would. Leona is distancing himself a bit cause he doesn't want them to see how he's turned out. But they eventually get familiar with each other again.

Similarly they don't confront each other immediately, but this time Leona's overblot does happen and they show up to stop it. I feel like they'd be disappointed at his ourburst and him using underhanded methods to secure victory, but give them a few scenes and they'll work it out together and Leona will see his faults.

And now onto a little reflection about this au of mine... it's such a precious brainchild of mine I want to cradle it in my arms until it eventually grows up to be an actual fic. But regretfully I have neither the time nor energy to plot everything out, only scattered ideas as you can see. There are quite a lot of things I want to develop in the story:

obviously the relationship between leona and his childhood friend

relationship between leona and kifaji

leona and farena

leona and his parents

leona's backstory, specifically how he became who he is today 

the theme of trying again and again

the theme of mutual support in a relationship

Juggling all of these and attempting to expand them to each their full potential have been a challenge. There are also other things that stand in the way, such as how to portray Leona in a young age. Personally I have almost zero recollection of my childhood so I can't help but struggle with balancing the helplessness he feels and the naive hope every child possesses.

But all of those aside, at least I'm putting this au out in the world. Maybe one day I'll get around to making it a real thing :) I hope y'all have enjoyed this mess of an au as much as I do!

If you're interested in the stuff that I came up with for this au weeks ago, it is linked below. JUST A HEADS UP: it's unedited and written before the recent event, so there could be inaccuracies. I also don't like how I've made Leona too bitter for a 8 year old. But feel free to read it and give me a few feedback!

google docs

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #sie writes #leona x reader

[bingusbongu]

May I humbly request some Dr. Flug general dating hcs.. (hES SUCH A LITTLE GUY RVRGGGRGRHR)

-🖋

A/N: SORRY IM ALITTLE LATE URG URG URG, well, i did do some Flug canons awhile back, BUTTTT since he is my favorite character of all time ill do some more:) I WANNA KISS THE BAG MAN. Also im going to be trying out some tumblr post styles in the next few posts i do to actually make my work appealing and attract more people! So dont mind if it looks different^^

SORRY THIS IS KINDA LONG I HYPERFIXATED SO BAD

《 Masterlist 》

《 Rules 》

TW: Stalking, mentions of neglect and abuse, murder and insane scientist behavior , mentions of starving,

Dr. Flug General Dating HCS

• okay, the fact that he even managed to start dating you is truly bizarre to him. Even the fact you found out he liked you was by pure accident

• you either found out from Demencia who spilled the beans on accident while blabbing about the doctor, or Flug accidently fumbling out an "i love you" after you either do something for him while he wasnt paying attention.

• though, it worked out right after he found himself with a partner, and he STILL is so befuddled about it

• does not know a single thing about being in a relationship. You are going to have to be the one taking the lead. Slowly showing him the ropes of how a relationship works. He litterly took notes while you tried to explain everything to him, ITS IMPORTANT TO HIM OKAY??????

Once he gets an understanding of how a relationship works, he kinda starts,,, watching you abit more? Not only is he worried about you but he also tries to figure out your favorite things. He gets even more observant of you. Documenting you like you are some wild animal.

oh? You like a certain food? Writing it down. Certain type of chocolate? Writing it down. Special interest? Favorite music? Favorite animal? Favorite color? Everything about you he has down in his brain and his notes.

• though, he is usually to busy to actually go out and buy you certain things, so, instead, when he occasionally had time, he might tinker something small for you or fix something you need up! Just go to him and ask! Or if you dont, you might find it mysteriously fixed the next day

if YOU get him something, he has to stand there and pause for a second. You, got him something? You took your time to pick him out something? You put thought into a gift for him? He absolutely gets butterflies. And when i mean Butterflies, i mean he gets BUTTERFLIES. He stutters a thank you so bad as he is stimming in his spot.

if its an item like a plane thing he treasures it SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. He will start crying. Anything you buy for him or make for him, he puts it up somewhere so he can always see it, always. When he gets stressed he will look over at it and it automatically calms him down its SO SWEET

• he is so nervous to initiate physical affection that he clams up. He has gone so long without any actual form of touch that isnt to harm him, that he completely forgot what gentle touch feels like, so you are going to have to go slow as to not overwhelm the poor baby:(

Starting by holding his hand, gently slipping it into his own hand during a random time like just walking. He nearly jumps, but once he notices, he gets so flustered just by the little hand holding that he eventually slowly closes his fingers around yours in a gentle hold.

Occasionally putting your hand on his back when he gets upset or angry ir stressed is a MUST, He immediately relaxes

I think he needs a massage, like desperately. Rub this mans shoulders, rub his back gently. He shivers at your touch but completely folds. He has so many knots in his back its sad. So, occasionally, Flug will let you try abd work them out for him

Cuddling would take awhile im the relationship. He still gets so flushed under your gentle touches, that he has to adjust. Once he does though? You best believe he is coming to you for it. After a long day, he will go and find you and collapse into your chest while mummering something and letting you coddle him while listening to him rant, and MAN he appreciates it. He also likes it sometimes when you just are quiet together and he isnt doing something and leaning on eachother. Either he is tinkering or reading something and your are next to him with your head on his shoulder. Its really nice for him to get some quiet.

• kissing??? That also advances over time. You have to start slow. So your first move is definitely a cheek kiss. Slipping one onto his bag on one occasion, he nearly overheated and passed out. Like actually fainted

your form of kissing is just you occasionally pressing soft kisses to his bag. Which would usually happen in the mornings, when no one is looking in his lab, or at night. But each time he nearly explodes.

ACTUALLY kissing him though???? A DREAM. he has to get used to your bag kisses to actually think of kissing you for real. And he gets so flustered by it. Everytime you kiss his bag he cant help but wonder how an actual kiss with you would be like. So, he would stop you one of the times after you kissed him, and shyly ask you for a real kiss. He nearly coward out of it when you happily agreed. Though, you gave him his time, as he lifted his bag up only ever so slightly, and you leaning in to kiss him

Mfs heart actually almost stopped GIVE HIM CPR STAT. It was just a quick kiss, but you had to catch him from falling over before he passed out again

Will occasionally give you kisses back, mainly in the mornings before he goes straight to work, he gives you a little kiss and sluggishly leaving to slave away.

• Dates are alittle tough. Flug is ususlly pretty busy, but, atleast once a month you guys go out with eachother, going who knows where but enjoying some much needed time together

• cant flirt for the LIFE of him. Its always something science or plane related. Its adorable yes, but he doesn't have no capability of flirting with anyone, even if he tried.

• your guy's relationship is very secretive. Especially with Flug being a villain it puts a target on you. Even if you work alongside him, he dosnt want anything to happen to you, so he does everything in his power to protect your guy's relationship. Who knows what would happen if the big Hat himself found out?

The only ones who know of your relationship is Demencia and 505, and his bots

• SPEAKING of 505, he ADORES you. You become his second parent. Adding you in drawings and EVERYTHING. when Flug first started liking you, 505 definitely did his best to edge his father on and talk to you, he is such a good son UGHHHH.

• Flug finds alot of comfort in your presence. You can just walk into a room that he is in and he immediately relaxes and becomes much calmer.

You are his safe place. Eventually, he will open up to you, you just have to give him time. He has been keeping in his emotions for so long he forgot they even were there. So, if you let him vent out everything to you and you just hold him and listen to everything he has to say, just holding him and letting him actually cry for once, it makes him feel so safe. Like he dosnt have a reason to fear around you.

Will show his face to you eventually, just give him time

• usues nicknames only in private, like 'mi amor' or 'love'. And will have a heart attack if you call him one right back

• you are always there the moment he gets hurt, patching him up while he complsins that he could do it himself. But, underneath, he feels do special to have someone care for him for once in his life

• Flug is VERY protective over you. You are way to special to him for anything to happen to you. He makes sure you have a bot with you 24/7 to protect you incase he isnt there to do so, and to keep an eye on you. He dosnt knoe what he would do if he were to lose one of the only things that actually matters to him. So he always has your vitals up and always knows of you are okay or not.

Benefits of having a mad scientist of a lover, you have to be used to it. He tries so hard to hide that gruesome part of himself away that you just have to accept him for who he is. Even if you do, he still would prefer to keep you away from his work as to not traumatize you, no matter if you are used to it

Though, if someone is bothering you, being mean to you, just automatically tell him if he dosnt already know, they will go missing within an hour after you tell him. He would litterly do anything for you. You can say "kill this man" and he will attack without hesitating.

• he doesn't get to jelous, he mainly gets insecure. If your talking to someone else, he eternally freaks out, thinking about how he is a bad partner and your are going go leave him. You have to reassure him that you love him and are not going to leave him

• is very hesitant when you offer to help him out in the lab. He dosnt want you to end up hurting yourself, and he would feel awful if you were to do so. When you do try and help him out, its mainly just giving him tools and listing to him rant about the new invention. Regardless, the two of you enjoy the time together.

• just, out of random, you are the cook. Flug has so much troubles trying to cook its sad. He never really had time to learn for himself, and he is used to his bots doing it for him instead, or not at all. So, to make SURE this man eats, you make him food! Keeping Demencia away from it and bringing it down to his lab to eat, instead of starving himself. And boy does he appreciate it so much

Speaking of his bad habits, you have to make sure he actually eats and drinks water and rests. He is so stubborn and fights you sluggishly on it, but you always win and are dragging him to bed.

• Flug wont say it, but he depends on you so much, you are his rock, his caretaker. What on earth would he even do without you? You guys actually have a healthy relationship. You are aways with him and supporting him, no matter what the situation is, he knows he has someone who actuslly looks to him as a human being, who gives him the love he needs

He loves you so much, you are the sun to him, brightening him up and bringing him warmth and comfort.

He often asks himself

How did he get so lucky?

#villainous x reader #dr flug x reader #flug x reader #kenning flugslys #dr flug #villainous #reader insert #x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #x reader headcanons #i hyperfixated to hard URGGGGG #I LOVE THIS NERDY BAG MAN #i need him to kiss me rn #Villainous zone

[hyuckie-angel]

treasure reaction; college boyfriend

in which they love their partner and their studies (sometimes)

a/n; a lil suggestive in jihoon, yoshi, asahi and doyoung’s parts

최현석 • choi hyunsuk

the making music at 1am boyfriend

the raw talent your partner hyunsuk possesses is no joke

the way music seems to come from his fingertips

magically into the software

renders you speechless sometimes

‘come look at what i made :D’

he’ll never say it but all of his lyric inspiration is you

he’s never failed a project and he knows its because he’s got you there to write about :’)

but anyway

despite adoring his creativity, sometimes he really just has no clue 

like there’s a road in his brain but its one way and the lines are fading

if you get what i mean

it’s really late

the world is silent

you are drifting off into dreams

when out of nowhere you hear a really loud Dm chord blasting through the stereo

‘hyunsukkkkkkkk’

‘yeah? :0′

he’s cute when he’s confused so you forgive him

when he has an early class you sometimes have to get out of bed and force him away from his desk

‘but im almost don-’

‘hyunsuk it is 4am go the fuck to sleep’

sometimes he whips out the guitar at 1am, strumming a few chords and humming along

this you could never say no to

‘i wrote this one for you the other day’

lying there listening to him quietly serenade you fills you with this warm comfortableness 

so you jump out of bed to grab his face 

planting a soft kiss onto his lips

you can feel his grin even with your eyes shut

its safe to say that sleeping doesn’t play a huge part in the relationship, and you could not care any less :)

박지훈 • park jihoon

the ‘if i finish my project will you finish me? ;)’ boyfriend

lord help your soul

jihoon may look like the sweetest, most innocent guy on campus

but oh boy is that incorrect

before you were even dating he was winking at you across the classroom

or running ahead of you to open doors

and despite his wide and elated smile when you finally accepted his advances

he is a fiend

he’s like your own personal devil on your shoulder

‘surely we skip this class’ wink wink wink

you quickly figured out that the best motivation for this man is

well

the intimate kind

the ‘if you finish this project in the next hour ill let you do whatever you want tonight’ kind

he has absolutely no complaints

it was a dream come true when he realised you would reciprocate

besides

both of you would much rather spend a night having fun

than reading coursework and hating life

of course he has his sweet moments

buys you flowers

brings you chocolate when you’re sad

agrees that making a pillow fort is very important rn

cue the next 3 hours of bickering and pillow related injuries

but his tendency to get distracted

makes itself known quite often

of course you use this to your advantage

walking into the room in a tiny little skirt and an almost see through top

you get more attention than you’ve ever dreamed of

and the sex 

you don’t wanna blow up his ego

but it’s just always really, really good

your professor has started to become suspicious

sometimes both of you do fantastic work

but sometimes both your projects look rushed  (¬_¬)

‘we just spent too much time studying for our other class professor i swear’

this boy will be the death of you 

金本芳典 • kanemoto yoshinori

the always late to class boyfriend

you love this boy to the grave

but you cannot count on all your fingers and toes the amount of times he has forgotten about his classes

never once has he done it on purpose

the man just gets so distracted by anything and everything

especially you

he is no thoughts head empty only yn

‘holy fucking fuck i have class rn’

you have his schedule written down in your phone

so when you tell him you’re going to the shops and he says he’s coming

you can tell him 

‘no yoshi you have literature in 5 minutes’

cue yoshi olympic sprinting out of the house

the amount of times he comes back from class with a paper that has been graded 

‘98%... late’

its basically his brand atp

you’re no better sometimes though

if you’re making out and in the back of your mind you know he probably has class soon

but you’d much rather be here

with his hands in you hair and your heavy breaths breaking the silence

you just say nothing

yoshi doesn't care if he’s late because you guys were having sex

in fact unsurprisingly

he quite enjoys it

 as do you lmao

‘yoshi you have class’

‘stfu do you wanna have sex or not jesus’

he’s also developed a sixth sense when around his professors

if he passes by one of them on campus

he immediately leaves your side

jumping behind a bush

as you get confronted by his literature professor asking why tf he missed half an hour of class again

‘just tell them i died’ 

‘no??’

he’s never going to change, but as the wisest men say

yolo

김준규 • kim junkyu

the studies until 5am then sleeps through the class boyfriend

if theres one thing about junkyu

its that sleep >>>>> anything else

(aside from you >> ofc)

he also has this unbelievable fear of failing

so to compensate he spends hours and hours studying

into the night

you wake up sometimes and there’s 4 redbull cans scattered across the desk

and a very unconscious junkyu drooling onto his workbook

you take a photo of him

you gently shake him and wake him enough to get himself to bed

you can always tell how hard he’s working to try and pass his classes with the best marks possible

and you admire him for it

but goddamn does he need to stop staying up so late

you remember the infamous night that he stayed up super late cramming

absolutely determined to pass his exam with the highest marks possible

and then proceeded to sleep through all his alarms

you received a very tearful phone call that morning

‘can you wake me up at 6:30?’

‘junkyu its 5am that is 1 and a half hours of sleep’

‘yea??’

he lives and breaths energy drinks

cue his hands shaking to the point where both of you are like

‘maybe we should go to a doctor’  (≖_≖ )

your favourite thing to do together is nap

because he is always sleep deprived

he turns into a cuddly gremlin when you lie down together

you want to get up and use the bathroom

too bad

wait until he wants to let go

its okay though because he’s so cute

sometimes when you’re napping he unconsciously kisses your forehead and cuddles closer to you

and you have to say nothing so you don’t wake him but also die inside from love and affection

although he is clumsy

and somewhat disorganised

he’s your clumsy and disorganised, and you love him more than anything <333333

윤재혁 • yoon jaehyuk

the ‘whats the answer???’ boyfriend

you met jaehyuk in a class the two of you shared

you could tell he was an absent minded guy

he was often staring towards the front of the lecture hall

looking directly through the teacher

and taking in precisely zero information

but because you were sat next to him

and you liked to think you were a decent person

you would give him a tap on the shoulder every time you thought he was missing something important

this seemed quite mundane to you

just a girl helping out a fellow classmate  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but the butterflies that birthed in his stomach every time you leant over to help him out

made him feel crazy

so he asked you out

after getting over the initial surprise of this gorgeous man wanting to be your boyfriend

you began to notice all these little habits about him

his confused squint when he’s trying to figure something out

the way he clenches his jaw in understanding

his fiddly hands when he’s losing his attention span

and your personal favourite;

the way he leans over to ask you questions about the class

‘hey what did you get for number 1 coz i got 35 but its not even a maths question?’

he’s also so unintentionally funny

‘babe i lost 17 pens can i borrow one?’

once you snorted in amusement so loudly the teacher said bless you

which made jaehyuk loose his shit laughing

and now whenever you laugh at his expense he says bless you

so you slap him (gently)

he pokes his tongue out 

you pretend to get offended

he laughs and kisses you softly

you forgive him immediately

his attention span in class has definitely improved with you helping him

even the professor has noticed

but

he maaaay or may not be pretending to zone out sometimes

just so you’ll tap him on the shoulder and look at him with your pretty eyes and ask him if he needs anything :’)

浜田朝光 • hamada asahi

the quiet sober; crazy drunk boyfriend

when you first met your boyfriend asahi

his quiet and calm temperament had caught your attention

you’d seen him in the library, head down, brown hair falling in his eyes

and you’d realised that you needed this man

he was beautiful

so you went and talked to him

his responses were

well

limited

‘hi’

‘yeah’

‘haha’

but little did you know his heart had swelled and his palms had become clammy at the sight of you

you and your face that he thought was maybe the most gorgeous he’d ever seen

so two months later you were dating

he’d told you he didn’t drink much

he didn’t care for it

but when you were invited to his best friend jaehyuks birthday party, he told you he’d probably indulge a little

“a little” he said

by the time you got into the uber to go to the party, his cheeks were flushed 

by the time you got there, he was smiling wonkily at you like an idiot

about half an hour later and you’d totally lost him

you weren’t worried, it was a safe environment

but you were curious

so out you went to look for him

and there he was on the roof

ON THE ROOF?!?!

his hangover the next morning was his punishment for doing stupid shit you’d told him

now every time you drink

you wait for an incident ™

sometimes he just gets super horny

‘can we leave plzzz babe ;))’

and sometimes he manages things you don’t understand

‘okey we needa go coz that guys wantz to fite me idk why’

but all times, he is hungover for three days and one of his professors thinks he has an alcohol problem 

‘i’m never drinking again’ :(

김도영 • kim doyoung

the hits on you like you’re not dating boyfriend

just like jihoon

doyoung has this innocent exterior, devilish interior 

kinda vibe

he also has absolutely no shame ever

and so has this habit of constantly putting you in awkward situations 

where people think he’s harassing you

but in reality he’s just being a dickhead

‘hey bby girl you wanna come back to my place tonight?’ ;)

before you had told your best friend that you and doyoung were dating

he had come over, slung an arm around your shoulders and gone

‘hey sexy’

you had turned bright red

and your friend had looked so confused you thought she might have an aneurism

doyoung lives in a share house just off campus with three roommates; jaehyuk, jeongwoo and junkyu

the first few times you’d come over, doyoung turned off the weirdness

opting for just following you around

like a lost puppy

but when he realised his roommates didn’t pay you guys any attention

suddenly he’s backing you into walls

grabbing you from behind in the kitchen

staring at your chest almost all the time

and just being a general menace to society 

you have a really lovely and not embarrassing at all memory 

of a beautiful spring day

5:30pm

you and two friends were walking out of class

giggling at everything under the sun

when a voice echoes through the air

a voice belonging to your beloved boyfriend who’s standing 20 feet away from you with a shit eating grin on his face

‘yo yn... is that a mirror in your pocket coz i can see myself in your pants!!!!’ ;)) 

your physics professor was standing right behind him 

you’ve never seen someone go from confident to embarrassed that quickly

but even though he is your personal humiliation creator

you still let him hit

what can you say, he’s dumb but he’s hot lmaooo

渡辺春虎 • watanabe haruto

the ‘i fcking hate this class’ boyfriend

you were the year above haruto

you in your third year of studies, him in his second

you had dreamt your whole life of becoming a marine biologist

dedicating countess hours to study and achieving perfect scores

it wasn’t a secret that you loved all of your classes

now

one evening you were asked by your professor to attend a lecture and maybe help out anyone in need

and that’s when you first saw him

you thought he was cute immediately, his platinum blonde hair framing his face nicely and his glasses sliding down his nose a little

but you weren’t one for pursuing attraction

so you spent the lecture walking around and giving tips to people that asked

until haruto raised his hand as you walked by

secretly happy, you sat down next to him and asked what he needed

it was basically love at first sight for both of you

you spent the rest of the lecture sitting with him

he found you so endearing 

and you thought he was hilarious

all was going so well

until he opened his mouth and went 

‘yeah i fucking hate this class lol’

you awkwardly smiled

‘this is my favourite class’

his grin dropped dramatically

‘ah- ah i’m sorry idk why i said that’

you weren’t offended in the slightest

but his flustered reaction made you giggle

you began dating only weeks later :)

haruto’s favourite thing was to annoy the shit out of you talking about how much he dislikes the classes you love

you could be sitting in the food court

having a loving conversation

and out of nowhere he goes

‘i’m so glad im not in that class rn’

you deadpan stare at him 

if he sees you studying for the class

‘damn i was gonna stay over but not anymore i guess fuck’

so dramatic i stg

despite wanting to punch him in the jaw sometimes

he makes you laugh more than you had in years

and so you can move past the difference in interests for him

박정우 • park jeongwoo

the second-hand embarrassment boyfriend

like

confidently raises his hand and says the total wrong answer

kinda guy

trips over and sprains his ankle in the food court

kinda guy

not that you’d have it any other way

but damn sometimes you have to restrain from cringing visibly

he’s like a walking sit-com

and you are the audience

your personal favourite pass-time is forcing him to listen to his own actions retold from your perspective

as you wheeze with laughter and he sits there like  (－_－) 

he secretly loves it though

if his misfortune is enough to make you happy

he thinks you might be slightly weird

but your happiness is all that matters to him

so he can deal with it

‘im glad me falling on my ass was this amusing to you thanks heaps babe’

one day you were sitting in a class you shared 

it was business and it was boring but it was both of your favourite class because you were in <3 love <3

and jeongwoo had a question

the professor was walking around the classroom so he was waiting

and as they walked over, jeongwoo opened his mouth

and you watched practically in slow motion as he said

‘hey mum i have a question’

your eyes widened

his eyes widened

the professors eyes widened 

doyoungs eyes widened

you held back on laughing until he’d gotten the answer he needed

and then you and doyoung let loose 

‘hey mum’

‘mummy i mean mummy i mean-’

‘excuse me professor birthgiver’

‘OKAY I GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE’

if he ever gets insecure about anything

you look him dead in the eyes and tell him that he may be an idiot, but he’s your idiot, and thats all that matters :)

소정환 • so junghwan

the spends all his money on you boyfriend

from the beginning

junghwan had been spoiling you silly 

buying you lunches

hearing you say you liked something and immediately purchasing it

you hadn’t thought anything of it at first

assuming it was just a friendly gesture

but the smirks from all your friends told you a different story

after the two of you began dating, his bank account began suffering

you had told him countless times

he didn’t need to be doing all this

but to him, it was his way of showing you he cared

‘you like this? i buy for u bby girl’

‘junghwan no-’

he also wasn’t afraid of showing people how much he spoiled you

read: ‘one time he walked into your class whilst the teacher was talking and everybody looked at him confused and he walked to you and gave you a block of chocolate and then walked straight back out but blew you a kiss just to make sure you were sufficiently embarrassed’

you adore him for it though

no matter how much he tries to humiliate you

you also aren’t allowed to try and pay him back

if he catches you tryna pay for something

or transferring money

its on sight

‘i am a grown man and i am insulted by this behaviour’

sometimes you run to the food court to buy both of you lunch before he gets there

so that he can’t lecture you on spending money

sometimes you think he’s a bit dumb though

you once broke a pencil you’d been using in your art class

and in response junghwan had bought you 83 more

‘why are there 7 parcels at my door rn’

‘damn that shits crazy i have no idea’

despite this

you know his only intention is to be there for you and help you out

so you always thank him with a huge hug 

and only one or two insults about him being a walking wallet

#treasure #treasure reactions #treasure imagines #treasure headcannons #yg treasure #choi hyunsuk #hyunsuk #park jihoon #jihoon #yoshi #kanemoto yoshinori #junkyu #kim junkyu #yoon jaehyuk #jaehyuk #Asahi #hamada asahi #doyoung #kim doyoung #haruto #watanabe haruto #jeongwoo #park jeongwoo #junghwan #so junghwan #T5 #kpop imagines #kpop headcanons #kpop fanfic #treasure fanfic

[classpectpokerap]

How do you feel about the portrayal of plurality in Homestuck? Because it’s not good.

Cherubs are “supposed” to predominate over their other personality. With Calliope being portrayed as naive for trying to co exist.

Horuss is mocked for being a system. But I’d say it was a king fun of people who pretend to be mentally Ill on social media for clicks.

Then their are the sprites

okay so

i guess we're doing this

HOMESTUCK AND PLURALITY: A PRIMER

BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST THERES SO MUCH

SO SO SO MUCH

okay. so

homestuck is one of the best pieces of media of all time for plurality and i fuckin mean it. no shot do not pass go i have NEVER seen anything that is more built from the ground up to Support plural reads. like, to the point where it feels impossible to read homestuck without it.

as a work dealing with two huge primary themes of a) finding yourself/identity/growing up, and b) ideas coming to life, plurality is pretty much the Perfect intersection between the two of them. like.

take rose for example.

rose is plural and it's great.

when the doomed timeline evaporates, future dream rose does not actually "cease to exist." she ceases to exist as her own person -- her memories, experiences, personality, thoughts (or, as shorthand, her selfstuff) all flows back into rose prime. and that experience is just something rose has to roll with. one becomes two -- that other rose is still in her mind.

jade's plural and it's great.

when her dream self awakens as jadesprite, jade has a horrific argument with her. if you're plural i'm sure you understand. fighting with an age-regressed version of you, stuck in a traumatic past, who WONT FUCKING LISTEN -- we've all . been there.

she has involuntary barks, she can't stop seeing images of fire, she wants to go back to nonexistence but she doesnt want to die and it's torture,

and then in cascade, jade fuses with her.

dream jade is still in there. that part of her she has to grapple with is still real. her dog who she loves is in there, too -- but, yknow. woof

then grimbark gets forcefully introjected into her. i've seen a few fics play with the idea that the grimbark personality is still residually there (read ygtpoasu), but it's not a huge thing that's explored in the text. more backgrounded. but still! her crisis of identity is in there.

wanna know what's NOT backgrounded

tavros's plurality is like, a pretty big factor in his character!!!! it's one of the bigger points vriska uses to bully him with (because she's projecting because she's projecting because she's projecting, because she's also plural and kins mindfang), it's like. a big thing that he has to cope with and figure out.

kanaya suggested tavros treat his self-confidence as his own brain guy, like, completely sincerely. she genuinely thought it would help, and it sorta did!!!!!

and like

it is FAR from the only positive example of plurality in the comic.

like. look at sollux and aradia defending "alternate reality copies" of characters -- which can be pretty easily extrapolated to them talking about fictives

like. !!!!

i dunno, man. i think that homestuck is a DEEPLY plural story. you should read mtm and kgtac for more exploration of these themes. read detective pony too while you're at it. like.

i havent even TOUCHED on horuss or dirk or karkat here because there is just so much. there's so much! like ultselves. oh my god i completely neglected to talk about ultselves or cherubs or --

augh

but anyway here's The Screenshots from mtm

homestuck is, like, the single most fictive compatible fictional work i've ever read.

"oh im being sent to another universe as a brain ghost? that happened to my buddy dirk"

"oh im one of many incarnations of myself, and perhaps not even the most 'canon compliant' one? haha dream bubbles moment"

"ive been isekai'd into another world? lol sburb"

it. yeah. god. i could literally talk about this all day. but instead im gonna direct you to my ao3.

check out no metaphors and then scroll through the "multiplicity/plurality" tag on my page

and if youve got more specific stuff, send in another ask!

#hs meta #homestuck #plurality #etch asks #tavros nitram

[stiffyck]

im here to spread more Redscape propaganda Vampire Mumbo who is by no means immortal, but his life span is much longer then anything a humans ever seen thanks to magic. He spends his time disguised as a mortician, and part time funeral director because of his interest in death/the human life cycle as a whole. No ones aware hes a vampire of course, vampires had been socially outcast for typical vampire stuff, sucking the life out of others and whatnot. Something Mumbo has never been able to master, though he isn't opposed to drinking blood out of blood bags if he becomes desperate enough. Scar on the other hand is a con-artist and a scammer, popularly known, just not by his actual name. One day he walks into the funeral home with a huge backpack, and who happens to be working that day but Mumbo. He asks Mumbo if he would like to buy anything from his "one man shop" and attempts to do his usual scamming business. Its not like Vampires can read minds or anything, but he can tell Scars lying. Instead of trying to buy any of his clearly fake crystals he asks about his job, tries to make small talk and attempt to get friendly with the guy. Before he can even get close to figuring out Scars name hes gone far too soon, they were even having a half decent chat, but Mumbos co-worker shooed him out of the building. "You do know thats the scam artist i was talking about? You didnt buy anything from him did you?" "Of course not!! I'm not that stupid!" Scar comes back the next day to try again, and surprise surprise, Mumbos still there. Though not thrilled to see him, he asks what hes doing back here. Scar continues to advertise his products to the guy, offering crystals (dyed glass), handmade plushies and old amusement park merchandise. Of course he doesn't want any of it, but hes grown weirdly fascinated by the con-artist. He asks if he'd like to go out for coffee anytime, and to his own surprise Scar draws a blank. "Are you not going to buy anything from my lovely shop first? If you buy a crystal it could boost your friendship points!" are the words Mumbo hears, but doesn't exactlyyy *hear* if you get what i mean. Its not romantic attraction, its more of a "this guy is so odd. i need to put him under a magnifying glass and study him." type of attraction. I might write something for this but for now ill leave it here (i love redscape theyre the voices in my brain)

YESSSS I LOVE THAT.

with the way you started this off i thought Scar would be a zombie actually. i think a vampire and a zombie duo would be really fun.

ALSO. YES. AND I THINK THIS WEIRD "i need to study this guy" ATTRACTION GOES BOTH WAYS SKDJFHSKH

LOVE ALL OF THIS

#asks #redscape #hermitshipping #mumscar #mumbo #gtws

[sulfies]

In your heavy bleeding au, does Desmond remember his bleeds or does he just black out during the whole process? Also, does he have certain triggers?

Love all your au stuff btw owo

Im glad my au is infecting everyones brain muhahaha

to answer, when I draw Desmond with yellow eyes and fainting like a damsel I think in my head its one fo 2 things:

1) he is having such a heavy bleed(hehe pun) his body shuts down and all he can do is to live thru the bleed basically, he would not be able to tell its a bleed even if someone told him it was one(they cant tho since he is stuck in the bleed in his head) so he just has to ride it out. It probobly disorients him quiet a bit once he gets out of it for hrs maybe in some cases days.

2) he is having visions from apple and its such heavy knowledge his human brain kinda goes overheat mode.

In the end you can determine yourself (since its an au nothing is set in stone lol) if he remembers or not but for myself:

I think on 1)

he doesnt remember all details, after he is out of the episode he probobly remembers who the bleed was about and some context but not all, but some stuff lingers for few hours sometimes days as mentioned. maybe he finds hard to switch to the language he uses the most or his emotions carry over, like if it was about altair right after he lost his ranks, he feels some petty anger towards Malik he cannot explain but he can figure out it was cocky-altair memories probobly due to context clues. They are probobly like dreams(or nightmares) in a sense where the more he tries to remember the more he forgets about details…

for 2)

He is just not that smart enough (sorry Des ur no Altaïr…)to explain what the apple showed him but he probobly does remember in a sense; if its things like a remedy, a basic invention or instructions that he can learn from a yt video normally he can muscle memory to make em. its more like “how tf did u do that” “uhhh i have no idea” withing a limit lol so he cannot invent phones bc he probobly cant even make a phone in modern day

——————

for his other heavy bleeds where he is not passed out with eyes all gold I think some of the same rules as 1) apply where he doesnt know he is in a bleed, especially if he is bleeding as someone bc at that moment he thinks he is that person, but someone could snap him out of it if they tried (usually if he is bleeding ezio and actual ezio shows up he can make Des snap out of it but its not foolproof) and afterwards he probobly remembers most of it (to his horror) bc he did actively and physically live thru it. Like w the fic where he thinks there are guards after him but its a bleed, after he learns it is he still remembers them and sees them

but again I think the fun part is u can kinda make Des suffer in anyway you want (again…sorry Des…)so no rules are set in stone, so if you dont want him to remember anything after bleeds you are free to do so and ill probobly break these guides aswell lol

————-

for triggers hmm i think anything you want could be a trigger lol but it doesnt have to be “triggered” to happen. I think like that other fic when he first time-travels and lands in Italy or Levant he would most likely have a bleed where he thinks he is someone else sooner or later bc the enviroment shocks him and confuses him (as time travel does) so something that “shocks” him can send him into an episode but he could also be totally fine in another scenerio

in my hc w the fainting ones, they are similar to seizures w how they come and go (I do not get seizures so my research is very limited) so sometimes he can guess it will happen few seconds to min before but he cannot stop them and sometimes it just gets him by suprise, for the ones where he doesnt faint he again has no idea when it will happen and most likely cannot tell it will, those ones are probobly more affected by “triggers” but they dont have to be as I said above

ty for askingg sorry to give an essay as response lol

#take a shot everytime i say bleed to experiance your very own bleed #dont #im sorry desmond lol ı swear I do love you thats why I gave you a harem of assassins #assassin's creed #asks #heavy bleed effect au