#im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life

[pepprs]

i know i need to shut up abt it esp bc i don’t know for sure if i actually got exposed to covid but like. it’s just so fucking frustrating and terrifying. not just in the case of covid but with other things too like driving. you can take every precaution to keep yourself and the people around you safe but all it takes is one selfish careless asshole who can negate that in a heartbeat and ruin your life or maybe even end it in some circumstances. lol

#purrs #ask to tag #complete and utter despair about it all. i feel like such a freak for telling everyone to be safe and be careful all the time but this world #is so fucking scary and we are so fucking helpless. how can i not cast out this desperate fucking plea. this prayer. that harm will not #befall you even if it’s something as small as a drive to the store or a trip to a new place. i just live in fear of the people i love #getting hurt all the time and of myself getting hurt. and covid is fucking scary because we still don’t fuckng know how bad it is really or #what it can do to you in the long term and there’s no way to know if you have it until you find out you have it bc this fucking nightmare #country gutted all the covid infrastructure so it’s like. it’s just really bad. im so scared. ive been so proud of myself lately bc i feel l #like even though im still not doing great ive been less miserable and anxious like a couple months ago i was having breakdowns almost daily #and i feel like ive been getting better and this just has thrown me so bad. there are other things going on too ofc so i know im reacting #really strong but like. throwback to all the asks i just answered where anons were like idk how you even function witb the amount of anxiety #you carry with you all the time and i was reading that like but not anymore! and it turns out… no it’s still there. it just was summer and #i interacted with fewer people and went almost nowhere. and now the semester is starting again and everything is changing and it’s just. bad #also addendum to the first part of my tags: i wish i was brave enough to ask ppl to like. text me when they get to their destination safe or #whatever. i almost never think of it bc it just seems like such a forward boundary crossing thing to do + it was a bad habit from when my #separation anxiety was MUCH worse as a kid. but like… i want o do it and sometimes i need to but i repress it so hard. lawl #also to say i love you sometimes. some ppl it’s really easy and we do it all the time. others i can’t bc it crosses boundaries and it #physically hurts not to. lolll

[nt3000s]

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me #not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe #lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me. #this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being #you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this #im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life #ever be more important to me #nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything #i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this #im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for #i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it #how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say. #i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny #someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess #thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me. #i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone #i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob #thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days #and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me #but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings #you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth #of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am #i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it #i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again #i need to keep saying it man #i need people to love themselves like i love them #the degree to which i say the word need #anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something

[wickershells]

Sigh. vent time u know the drill

#i havent been sleeping well recently. and ive been losing a lot of daylight whenever i do #my brain feels all mush-like. i just cant think of the right words for anything. its like im dreaming #ive missed the deadline for applications so theres another year gone. im so stagnant my life is idle #ive never been more desperate for spring before in my life #i want to go places and see things because i am so miserable stuck here. so i tell myself it will change once i can leave #but i dont have money. and i cant keep a job being as unstable and sensitive as i am i need to get better first #but in order to get better i need to spend money that i dont have #i dont think i was supposed to be happy. i dont think life ever planned that for me #i know that is such a defeatist and ugly attitude to have but truly i am just so unhappy all the time and i have been for years #realistically speaking im never going to be able to keep myself afloat i dont know what to do with that #and im the loneliest ive ever been #i try reaching out and i meet nothing #i know how hard it is to love me which is why no one really does. and i dont say that to be self-pitying #im so incompatible with everyone i love even my own mother. i keep trying to stop being so sensitive but ive been trying to get thicker #skin my entire life and it has never worked. i am perpetually upset no matter how hard i try i dont think i was built to still be here #i convinced myself i wouldnt be and now i am and i dont know how to deal with that. so many things i never preserved or procured because #i figured i would be long gone by now. that was a bit silly of me. but now ive left myself nothing. im left with nothing #everything i had hoped for as a little kid is ruined now all because of me. i have irreparably destroyed my life i mean that #and i cant handle the inevitability of grief and its growing closer and closer as everyone gets older and older #which is why in an act of pure selfishness id rather let everyone else deal with it. in the nebulous sense #god i just. ive spent year after year trying to fix my life and nothing has worked. not even close #im trying not to believe that its futile but deep down i think i already do #well. whatever #mine

[marvelobsessed134]

Life imitates art

A/n: whewww this is one of my favorite things I ever written

Pairings: Beefy!Art Professor!Natasha x Fem!Student!Reader

Warnings: age gap (not specified), Nat has a dick, smut, blowjob, degradation, painting a nude person, reader being that nude person, pervy Nat (?), student/teacher dynamics

Okay so you’ve been failing your art class in college. But it’s really not your fault you’ve just been so caught up with your other classes that you’ve been slacking off.

And of course your professor noticed. Natasha knew she had to talk to you after class because you were one of her top students and now you’ve fallen off the deep end.

So after the lecture and after everyone leaves, leaving their canvases up to dry, the redhead calls you to stay after class.

You walked towards her desk with a nervous feeling in your stomach. You know you’re gonna get some kind of lecture of your own.

“Yes Professor Romanoff?” You asked in a sweet tone hoping you won’t be getting into any trouble with her. Not that she’s a mean professor per se but when a student fails she makes them do an extra project to get their grades up. It’s almost like she loves to torture people!

“Miss Y/n you’ve been failing very miserably in my class. Any particular reason why?” She asked.

You gulped, “Well…you see professor I’ve just been so caught up in my other classes that I’ve kind of been slacking on this one but-“

“So is my class not important to you?”

“No! It’s very important to me I love art and I love painting but I have these two big tests coming up so I haven’t had the time to finish my projects and you know I don’t do half assed work when it comes to my art.”

The redhead smiled a little bit at that, “Yes, which I do admire and appreciate but I’d like you to put more effort into my class.”

You looked down at your feet shamefully, “Yes Professor Romanoff.” You sounded like a scolded child.

“Well,” she stood up and walked over to her empty easel and put a large blank canvas on it. She also put a chair right behind it.

Then she walked back over to you. “You know how to get your grade up in my class. But instead of you painting I want you to be my model. Can you do that?”

The thought of you being her model made your flush, “I guess.”

“Great. Now strip off your clothes.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me. I’ve personally always wanted to have a live nude model in my presence to paint so nows my chance.”

“Professor Romanoff…this is highly inappropriate im your student plus you’re like a decade older than-“

“Do you want those grades or not detka?” The nickname gave you a shiver down your spine.

“Yes I do but-“

“Then do as I say and take your clothes off.” You quickly complied, shakily pulling your shirt over your head and unclasping your bra. Your shoes, socks, jeans, and panties came off next.

“Go sit on that chair over there.” She pointed to the chair that sat in front of the easel. You took a deep breath and walked over to sit down. Your arms resting on the armrests and your legs clenched together.

As Natasha got set up behind the easel she said, “Don’t hide your pretty pussy from me baby.” Your eyes widened at her words but you complied. Desperate for the grades, you slowly spread your legs. Unfortunately you were embarrassingly wet.

It’s no surprise you have a crush on your professor. She’s beefy with a pretty face and exudes dominance. Her shirt sleeves are always rolled up to her elbows and her slacks fit her perfectly. Along with the occasional blazer she wears.

Unbeknownst to you she noticed how wet your little cunt was and smirked.

She began to paint you, taking in every breathtaking detail of you.

You felt so vulnerable in this position. Sitting naked in front of your fully clothed professor as she painted your naked form.

She didn’t even bother to try to hide the erection in her pants, because she knew you felt the same way about her. It was only a matter of time before she could finally taste you and have her way with you.

Once she had gotten most of the painting down-she can finish it later she will remember every inch of your body-she walked over to you.

You sat up straighter, not daring to close your legs. Natasha towered over you and looked down at your pretty perky nipples and your wet pussy.

“I think my model needs a reward for being such a good girl don’t you think?” She asked and you sucked in a breath.

She tilted your chin up with her index finger, “Yes or no babygirl.”

Oh you knew it was wrong so, so wrong. But you found yourself saying, “Yes.” It came out as a whisper you were surprised she even heard it.

The redhead smirked, “That’s what I thought.” She got down on her knees, her hands sliding up your bare legs before she licked a bold strip against your pussy. You moaned, throwing your head back at the little piece of friction you just got.

“If my student didn’t want to get naked for me then…why is she so soaking wet?” As she said this she ran her finger up your folds. You hissed in response.

“I know you’ve wanted me since the first day of class. Don’t worry, I want you too.” She kissed the inside of your thigh before licking your folds again, eating you out with such passion that you forgot where you were.

Her mouth attached itself to your clit and you gripped her hair tightly as she sent you closer and closer to the edge before you drenched her face with your release.

“Oh god!” You moaned breathlessly.

“You taste so good detka. Care to return the favor?” She asked with a cocky smile. You immediately got on your knees in front of her and unbuckled her pants, pulling them and her boxers down to free her large cock.

Your eyes widened at the size and you wrapped your hand around her shaft and began to jerk her off.

“I wanna see those pretty lips around my cock baby.” She commanded dryly.

You gulped before wrapping your lips around the tip and sinking down onto it, bobbing your head up and down and jerking off whatever you couldn’t fit in your mouth.

Natasha gripped your hair as you sucked her off. “Such a slut for me huh. Who knew you’d be so eager to taste my dick.” Your pussy was dripping onto the floor both from your previous orgasm and your arousal at the mere action of sucking her cock.

“Shit baby I’m gonna cum.” Your professor moaned before shooting her load down your throat. “Ah fuck that’s it swallow it.”

You swallowed it all and pulled of her cock, opening your mouth to show her you did in fact take it.

She caressed your chin, “Such a good girl. Come over here.” She made her way to the chair you were once sitting on and sat down. Her cock still sticking up in the air. She unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off revealing her abs. Your mouth watered at the sight and you quickly made your way over to her.

The older woman smirked, “Ride my cock baby.” It was a simple command that you were more than happy to obey.

You straddled her waist and sunk down on her thick cock, moaning at the stretch.

“God you’re so tight.” She hissed as she gripped your hips and started moving you up and down her length, treating you like her own personal toy.

You were a moaning mess, rolling your eyes at the back of your head as she continuously hit your g spot. “Oh fuck professor! Feels so good!”

“Yeah? Oh god who knew my student wanted to be slutted out so bad.” She also thrusted her hips up as she moved you. Your hands gripped her muscular shoulders.

The only sounds that could be heard in the room were the sounds of skin slapping, moans, and grunts.

“I’m gonna cum again fuuuuck.” You cried.

“Cum again for me sweetie.” You reached down to rub your clit as you were sent to a land of ecstasy.

You clenched around her cock and your vision went white for a second. You absolutely drenched her cock.

“Oh yeah drench my fucking cock. I’m gonna cum again.” She quickly pulled out of you and forced you on your knees. You watched as she jerked herself off till she came on your tits.

“Holy fuck. You’re unbelievable.” Natasha breathed and you giggled.

“Did I get the grade?”

“Oh yeah you got the grade. And if you keep this up then you’ll be passing every exam too.”

#top natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff smut #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel smut #professor!natasha romanoff

[llycaons]

I have defended my older brother to my mom before but it was really hard, and that was 1. as an adult 2. when it was just verbal criticism and 3. with no risk to myself. I think about 15 year old jc throwing himself in front of wwx to protect him from a mother who he was clearly terrified of and who was physically attacking him and I go ouuugghh it all hurts so bad. one of his finest moments for real

#WOW I am having a night folks #around that time I inadvertently saw a text from my older brother to my mom like 'I feel like I failed you and I'm a disappointment as a son #and she responded like 'ph no I love you' well then fucking act like it maybe #and she always acts like such a victim like 'ohh no he hates me' can you stop whining please #I remember when she called some place to tell them he was depressed too. I might have said this already. but she sounded so MAD #like she was angry or disappointed with him #now I do not like to say carelessly 'there's something wrong with this person' but there is such a coldness to her #and I feel like I have it too. and it comes in handy sometimes it's not all bad #but god I do not want to be like her right down to her insecurity #or her angry resignation to her faolures #or her victim complex #myu was so sad wasn;t she? she was just desperate for love and humiliated and she took out that insecurity and anger on everyone around her #well at least I know im in some good fucking company. shoutout to everyone who have mothers who make their families miserable #cor.txt

[savannahsdeath]

hiii I love your work! could you pretty please do some toxic ellie? :)

TOXIC!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: a miserable attempt to leave your toxic girlfriend

warnings: preferably 18+, just lots of toxic shit, manipulating, reader is crying

writers note: probably the only toxic post you'll see on my profile. honestly, i dont even know why i wrote this and im posting it just for the anon. i dont support any toxic behavior, cuz even a simple fanfic can bring some harm. dont read it if youre sensitive to such topics and if you decide to read it, dont romanticize it and dont blame me for any bad feelings you felt while reading - youre responsible for your own media consumption, im not forcing anyone to read. as i said, i just post it for the anon and also because i dont want it to just sit in my drafts (i dont have the guts to delete it). ugh its kinda long but i just want to make sure everyones safe, please take care🩷

you were sitting in your bed with your head buried between your knees for half an hour now, ignoring the buzzing of your phone. you caught her with another girl. you should cry and feel miserable, and all you could think of was; 'finally! finally a reason to leave her!!'. all you could feel was happiness.

but leaving her wasn't easy. you tried a few times before.

'maybe it'll be different this time', you hoped. but the way you kept receiving notifications from her said otherwise. 'maybe if i ignore her for a few more minutes, she'll let me go.'

you tried to put your phone down, but your hands won't let you. your thumbs kept reaching for the screen in a desperate, involuntary action. you were powerless to stop it. you knew you shouldn't respond. you know you should walk away, but you couldn't. every time she messaged you, your heart beated faster and your breathing quickened. you knew this isn't the best thing for you, but a part of you was still clinging to hope.

'enough, stop it.' you ordered to yourself.

you picked up your phone, deciding to call your friend. she'll make you remember all the cruel things ellie did and leaving her will be easier.

your hands were shaking and you were truly scared of what's going to happen. you hestitated for too long before clicking on your friend's profile and.. lost your chance.

ellie was calling you. she wasn't giving up and she was probably pissed off by now.

you sighed and whispered; 'sorry' to your future self, before answering the call.

"why aren't you answering to my texts, huh?" she asked in an accusatory tone, as if you were the one who did something wrong.

your breath hitched as you heard her voice. there's no going back now. "i'm sorry, ellie, it's over." you mumbled and shook your head in disbelief. 'i'm sorry'?? for what? where was your confidence?

she took it from you, just like she's going to take anything she wants.

"i'll pick you up in a few minutes." she announced and you felt tears starting to well up in your eyes.

great. so she's on her way here.

you took a deep breath to stop your voice from quivering. "i'm not going anywhere- not with you."

ellie laughed, thinking it's all a joke. "you're funny, honey. you know you come crawling back to me everytime." she replies calmly. "so get ready. i'm coming to pick you up, and then we can talk about this. like grown-ups."

ellie was good at controlling you. she'll say she's coming to pick you up, and you'll be waiting on your porch when she arrives. she had a firm grip on you and she knew it.

not this time.

"like grown-ups?" you nervously laughed. "you cheated on me. again."

ellie didn't get angry. she wasn't even surprised.

"don't overreact, babe." she replied in an irritated tone. "it's not like it was anything serious. it's just some random girl. i'm still with you. you should know that."

you were stunned by her cavalier attitude. she really thought it's no big deal.

"leave me alone." if there was even a little bit of toughness in your voice before, it all left. now, you were just simply begging her to stop. "please."

ellie's confidence and her nonchalant attitude was getting to you. you felt angry, but at the same time, you were starting to doubt yourself.

you wanted to hang up, but you couldn't. you just waited for her reaction, praying this'll be the end. but you knew everything depended on what ellie wants, and for her, only her own good mattered.

ellie chuckled. "oh, sweetheart. you think you can just break up with me over the phone? we're not even having a fight here. come on, be reasonable. let's just talk this through. i'll be there soon."

you proudly raised your chin, even though she couldn't see that. the tears ruined your confident facade anyway. "i locked the door."

she stayed silent for a moment, not expecting that from you. but she always had a plan b, and you realised that as soon as you heard her laugh. "i'll check that myself."

you heard her car arrive outside your house, and an instant wave of regret washed over you.

she knocked on the front door. "i'm here, love. open up." her voice was gentle, with an apologetic tone.

you knew it was all a ploy to get you to open the door. you knew this was just another manipulative tactic she was using, but it was starting to work.

"come on, be a smart girl." she continued in a sweet voice. "or we'll do this the hard way."

you cursed yourself for how weak you felt, even though it wasn't your fault.

"ellie, please..." you begged, with as much authority as you could muster, but your pleads still sounded weak.

"what's that, babe? are you crying?" she responded in a mocking tone.

you felt powerless to resist her. your stomach twisted in knots, but your fingers reached for the knob. your other hand quickly wiped away your tears, though there were some visible smudges left. you stared at the doorknob in your hand, fighting every instinct in your body to open it and let her in. but you knew she'll get her way, sooner or later. you just wanted to get this over with.

with a shaking hand, you opened the door. you saw that ellie was holding a set of keys - there was definitely one to your house too. she could just unlock the door, but she wanted to check if you'll listen to her. you didn't even want to think about what would happen if you didn't give up.

she walked inside like she owned the place, and she didn't even look at you. she knew she's got you wrapped around her finger.

"good girl." she said, with the same mocking tone.

ellie's eyes darted around the room, and she walked over to take a closer look at a framed photo of the two of you on your shelf. she smirked, letting out a sarcastic 'hmph, so cute'.

you stood there, defeated, as she walked past you and paced around your home. she made herself comfortable, as if she belongs there. you tried to keep a brave face, but she could see right through it.

she sat down and turned to you. "tell me, why we ended up here?" she asked, her voice was cold and unforgiving, but it also sounded curious. "why are you trying to leave me? aren't you happy?"

you felt your lips tremble, as you parted them to speak. "you know damn well what you did."

she stood up and walked up to you, standing right in your face and leaning a little to match your eye level. "fucked another girl? huh? is that it?" she stroked your cheek with the back of her fingers, mocking your pout.

you flinched away from her touch, but she grabbed your face with both hands and pulled you towards her.

"i just had some fun." she said calmly. "besides, you can't blame me for wanting something different. just trying to make up for what you lack." she caressed your face, tracing your lips. it was almost gentle, as if she wasn't even trying to hurt you. but her words cut deep. "now, stop acting like a baby." she let go of your face. "i'm trying to have a mature conversation with you."

the obedient, scared side of you wiped your tears away and straightened up without thinking, but everytime you closed your eyes - everytime you blinked - another wave of salty liquid streamed down your cheeks.

you sniffled and tried to keep it together, but your body was shaking and feeling dizzy. still, you stood your ground.

"please, ellie... i can't do this anymore." you begged in a shaky voice.

"sh, shhh..." ellie wrapped her hands around you, rubbing your hair in a soothing motion. "don't say dumb things. i already know you can't live without me. you know that too." she grabbed you by the shoulders and forced you to look at her for a second. "don't you?"

her embrace felt somehow comforting, not matching the poisoning effect of her words. you clinged onto her, hoping to get as much from this rare moment as possible.

but you knew, deep down, that this is just another manipulation tactic. you shouldn't fall for her games.

"there, there." she whispered to you. she held you even tighter, as if she was trying to absorb every ounce of energy you had left.

she pulled back and looked you straight in the eyes. "do you see what happens when you try to leave me, babe?"

"i am leaving you." you said with as much conviction as you could muster. "i'm serious this time."

but ellie just smiled, treating your words like a joke. "that's funny, honey. this is just another one of your little tantrums. you're just upset because you haven't gotten enough attention these days. but you don't want to lose me." she ran her hands along your cheeks and caressed your hair. "you'll come back to me. you'll come crawling back, just like always. because you can't live without me."

you instantly buried your face in her chest, as she started stroking your back.

she sighed. "are you finished?"

you felt ashamed. you failed, once again. you let her win.

you lifted your head up so you could see her expression. her smile was even more mocking and cruel now that you've given in to her.

"that's more like it, babe." she said with that same condescending tone. she pulled you in for another hug, as if nothing happened. "now, let's forget all about today, okay?" she whispered in your ear. "my pretty girl."

#reqs open #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #toxic!ellie #toxic!ellie williams x reader #toxic!ellie x reader #toxic!ellie williams #possesive!ellie

[pacienties]

— emo beomgyu as your comforting bestfriend <3

warnings <3: friends to lovers kinda? (beomgyu is in love with the reader) angst ): reader has bpd n coping with a bad breakup, cursing, reader has mixed feelings about breakup, symptoms of depression basically

a/n <3: im sorry this isn’t the usual posts i make im currently coping with a breakup and i was with my fp of over two years and im in desperate need of a way to cope that doesn’t involve self destructing please enjoy!!

it’s been about eleven months since your breakup with your partner and it feels like it’s been years since

you’ve decided to try therapy, you even begged for your partner to try again but no avail

you grew helpless, and overall just very depressed

you started spending all day in your room, ignoring your friends, family and even ignoring basic human needs since as eating causing a sufficient amount of weight loss

you didn’t understand why you were still so sad about this breakup, the relationship you had with your partner was dead anyway you guys were constantly on and off and always arguing it really made no sense to you why you’re still so upset over them

you began to have mixed feelings, constantly going back to black and white thinking on your ex wondering what hurt more? hurting with them around or hurting with them gone

you felt overdramatic but this was your fp for crying out loud, your first of everything you felt like you were never gonna get over it

you always knew that it your my bpd making you feel this way bc no normal person mourns a breakup like if the person died

you were absolutely spiraling during the day you felt infinite and felt like you were over your ex and then when you were alone at night and you’re mourning your ex and sobbing hysterically trying to get them back

everyone tells you that time heals and you’ll get over it but you’re really starting to believe that that won’t ever happen

you sigh in defeat as you begin to lay on your bed for the nth day in a row planning on bed rotting until you hear a faint knock by your bay window

groaning as you sit up weakly walking to the sound, you open the window your smiling fainting at the sight of your childhood bestfriend beomgyu you move out of the way to let him in your bedroom

“you doing okay? you haven’t been answering my calls or texts” the oreo hair colored older male asked you taking in the state you’re currently in

your lip wobbles at the question as you try to fight back sobs and falling into the boys arms but you fail miserably as you cling onto your friend sobbing in the crook of his neck scaring him a bit

“are you okay y/n-“ he blinks awkwardly hugging you

you sigh again “no im not okay, im still not over them”

beomgyu looks at you in pity, “how come? they treated you so shitty and it’s almost been a year y/n”

“i know that beomgyu but it’s so hard to get over them when they were my fp” you begin to explain to the boy as he nods

“i got that but you do realize throughout your entire relationship with them you were the glue holding the relationship together right? you were there for them when they needed it the most when they were depressed and they couldn’t even do that for you” the boy goes on a rant

“i know that but maybe i just need to get over this depression phase alone”

“do you hear yourself? no one deserves to go through depression alone!” beomgyu’s heart breaks at your statement as he hugs you tighter

you smile weakly moving to sit beside him instead of on his lap, “you really think so?”

“i know so” he smiles back at you

“hey are you hungry? i hear your stomach growling” beomgyu asked you looking at how much weight you’ve lost

you shake your head making the emo boy frown at you, “well that’s okay let’s just take this step by step okay? im sorry for not checking in on you in person sooner but i’m here now as a friend a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to” beomgyu brings you into a gentle embrace rubbing his fingers through your hair in attempt to cheer you up

beomgyu felt guilty for this but he was in love with you, has been since high school but he knew the timing wasn’t right and you desperately need a friend right now

even though it hurts him that you may never be over your ex at least he can be there for you rather than not have you at all

a/n: it’s only been a day since my breakup with my partner but i hope i get over them soon bc i know our relationship has been dead for months before the final breakup :( also sorry if this one shot isn’t so good ):

#Spotify #coquette #emo boyfriend #emo x coquette #txt x reader #angelina’s garden ♡! #txt #txt imagines #txt oneshots #beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x female reader

[bedoballoons]

im in need of subby kaeya, hcs or a oneshot pls 🙏

Here I deliver! Also just in time for the new update and his new outfit! Good luck on your pulls everyone!

Kaeya oneshot:

~Beg~

CW: NSFW! Very suggestive!, Smut!, pleasing him with your hand!, Calling him good boy!, DNI if under 18!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kaeya bit his lip, gently swirling the dark red wine in his glass as he stared at you, doing his best to keep his dirty thoughts in the back of his mind and yet still failing miserably. You always made him feel...so needy, like if you didn't give him the attention he needed at the very second he wanted it, he'd simply...combust.

Eventually he gave up hiding his desires, his hand reaching out and grabbing yours, his eyes glazed over with lust, his voice pleading with you as he spoke, "We should do something fun, the two of us just sitting here is rather boring...isn't it~" You looked at him, seeing him in this state made you want to giggle, your evil side almost wanting to leave him to suffer...just a bit longer.

"I think it's nice to relax for a little,...oh is something the matter? You look a bit red in the face and your eyes have a bit of glassy look to them. Has Kaeya caught a cold from his own vision?" You teased him, watching in satisfaction as a slightly annoyed look crossed his face, "You know full well I don't get colds...must you toy with me...please lets-"

"Hmmm what was that? I think you should say it a couple more times and then maybe I'll be inclined to do something fun.~" You cut him off mid sentence, your voice filled with the authoritative tone he liked so much and your fingers drumming against the soft cloth of the couch you were both currently sitting on. His blush deepened in colour, his eyes looking anywhere but at you...as he responded in the whiniest tone you'd ever heard him use, "Please....please help me...I...have a issue only you can solve...please~"

Your smirked at him, gesturing for him to move closer to you and the second he did you pushed him roughly against the plush cushions of the couch, his surprised gasp making your heart skip a beat. You caught his lips in a painfully slow kiss, licking the bottom one teasingly before biting it, almost harsh enough to draw blood, savouring the whimpering noises he made, all for you.

Your hand slid down his waist, traveling further and further down till it rested on his...issue. He tried desperately to grind into your hand wanting friction, wanting you to move and you just watched...leaning down to whisper into his ear, "What do we say~" His eyes met yours and from the look in them he was incredibly embarrassed... but...he also liked it, "Please...t-touch me.~"

"Good boy~" You said, while trailing kisses from his ear to his neck to his shoulder, biting down on it just as you palmed at his bulge. The mix of pain and pleasure made him moan out loud, his body already feeling heated up from your assistance...god the things you did to him. You in unbuttoned his pants revealing his pale blue underwear, taking your sweet time with every movement while he squirmed impatiently beneath you.

"You wanted fun...I'm going to give you all the fun I've got~"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kaeya Headcanons:

~Subby~

(Just a few but this way you get both <3)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

He absolutely loves being teased, he will do it right back to you in public until you're forced to leave.~

He prefers when you go rough on him, his whole body should be sore the next day even with a bath.~

His favourite thing is when you use your hands, feeling him up, doing dirty things with them...as long as he can see them he's excited by them~

He goes weak at the knees when you call him a good boy and whispering it into his ear is almost enough to make him finish, it's overwhelming.~

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

✿I hope you enjoyed~✿

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin fanfic #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin smut #kaeya #kaeya x you #genshin kaeya #kaeya smut #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin x reader #kaeya ragnvindr #kaeya thirst #kaeya imagines #kaeyaoneshot #kaeya headcanons #kaeya hcs #kaeya alberich #kaeya fanfic #kaeya genshin x reader #kaeya genshin impact #kaeya gi #kaeya x gender neutral reader

[fallenclan]

"im gonna be all anonymous and mysterious.. theyll never know" and i immediately Reveal Myself

SO GLAD U LIKED THE SONG CHOICES !! ams is great ... i will definitely start The Planning >:)

anyway. tryin to figure out how to draw the Guy (ft tumblr destroying the quality)

SO insane about this guy. small rant: i have seen a lot of people portray him as cool evil manipulative murderer and its not like he ISNT that. but. consider this.. he is a fucking loser. he isnt doing these things out of malicious intent but out of built up anger, grief, and desperation. he has literally lost everything and everyone and i dont think that he likes himself or his life like At All.

but he feels hes too far gone. the only thing keeping him going is his anger. is he even angry anymore? or just acting off of instinct? hes not like scorchstar. hes not calculating and good at covering his tracks.. hes not nearly as confident or put together. hes a mess. hes miserable. i dont think she would EVER end up where he is now.

i think hes in disbelief- thinking that if he just keeps going like this- kills more cats, does more horrible things- that somehow this will all go away. he cant face reality.

anyway. folds hands calmly on table. supperrr normal about this cat

-🦎

YES YES YES YOU GET IT!!!!! HES NOT EVIL HES JUST KIND OF A DUMBASS!!!! simplifying it but you explained it so perfectly like. ugh

AND I LOVE THE ART HOLY SHIT???? your STYLE your COLORS your EXPRESSIONS..... HE LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!!!!

#fallenasks #fallenart #lizard anon #pinguboy #otterslip

[yoyoyo-idk]

more rambling im so sorry (orv spoilers)

the scene where they find kid dokja in the subway is such A Thing™ for me because it tells us so much about kdj and all of it is heartbreaking.

we all know some of the themes of his story are good and evil and communication and understanding is hard, right, but throughout the entire story, whenever kdj meets a character there's nuance. whenever he describes them as they were in the novel, he always has something to say about their motives and their personality and their morals and what not. like oh i saw myself in [name] or i always found their past tragic or something. and later on, when he starts juggling with the implications of life is a story, for 'characters' he had always thought 'bland' or disliked or something, he tells himself that people have nuances. people have feelings and reasons and motives etc. even at the end with kim namwoon there's... an attempt.

he tries to and even manages to be sympathetic with many, many people.

and then they see a younger version of him. everyone is shocked. there's sorrow and oh you sad, pitiful child and regret and not-quite-forgiveness but something. there's seeing that the cause of your suffering is a literal child doing it subconsciously because life is really hard for him. kdj's companion desperate to protect kid!him because they absolutely love his stupid ass.

and kim dokja.

kim dokja - who according to the theme of the story should be the one most able to understand his own self - has nothing but abhorrence for that kid. the guy who loves the story, who's been explaining for 200+ chapters that people are complex and have nuances actually and also there's more than one solution and also sometimes you don't have to kill. kim dokja sees that kid and there's something very, very cold and dark inside of him. there's no pity, there's no compassion, there's no how sad, there's "why are you stopping he's responsible for your suffering you should kill him. he's pathetic and miserable and his life will be just as miserable and pathetic as him and it won't mean anything and he'll become a detestable abject pathetic loser. he'll become kim dokja and there'll be nothing but suffering he caused in his life."

and then. then when people, when his friends start showing the kid... mercy? compassion? love?

he panics. he doesn't understand. he tries to stab himself in the throat. it's heartbreaking.

kim dokja loves the story. he tries to understand everyone, tries to find the nuances in people's personality. and there's none of that for himself. his perfect ending doesn't include his own happiness and he has so, so little love for himself.

more than that... he never actually gets that people... genuinely enjoy his existence. dare i say love him. he is one who is loved by all, his companions desperately try to understand him, to show him they appreciate him, and it is entirely incomprehensible to him. what am i supposed to do with myself.

TLDR:

#orv #orv spoilers #kdj #beryl speaks

[crimeronan]

On the thought of canon Luz desperately trying to save AU Hunter from her clearly obviously evil AU self.

Im pretty sure AU Luz would be pretty solidly in agreement with her canon self and feel oh so vindicated.

Finally someone who knows what she is talking about and that Hunter just might listen to is here to save the day and hopefully depose her and end her reign of terror.

Of course the second canon Luz actually realises what's going on she is deeply deeply horrified and just hugs her AU self and does not let go. Much to the Empress' horror as she realises she's done it again and manipulated herself into thinking she's not just as evil as Belos.

AU luz is like hey hunter pspsps look. look hunter look. it's a way better kinder shinier luz who could be so nice to you. look how nice she's being to you. you should listen to her when she says i'm evil. you want this right?? you want a luz who isn't a tyrant??? you want a luz who can actually love you like you should be loved??? & hunter just digs his heels in mutinously ranting and pacing around with his hands in the air like actually no!!! i want a luz who goes out and murders random witches for no reason and treats everyone like shit and makes everyone miserable and sucks in every way possible. oh shit i don't have one of those. i guess i'll just have to settle for you, the extremely kind extremely loving person i've been loyal to for my entire life. Eat My Entire Ass

canon luz sees hunter mouth off like this with zero consequences from her supposedly-evil counterpart n is like oh. okay never mind. you actually are not belos. there's probably still stuff to unpack here but i think you guys might be, like, fine. carry on,

#replies #toh #horrible mindscape trauma pals #princess luz au #luz noceda #hunter toh #every time empress luz tries to convince her canon self she's evil canon luz is just like oh :( we both do this huh :( #kids. theyre stupit.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

pit babe ep 12 stray thoughts

- kentapeteway here we goooo. oh OH??? i need so much more of them you dont understand

- peteway really hitting like pete just wants to help them get out 😕

- this sad ass guitar plucking

- PETE CAN READ MINDS HIM AND WAY ARE LIKE FUCJING FOILS

- peteway really hitting might have to pop over to ao3

- WHO IS TONY GONNA SELL

- jeff’s “aww you’re not too old to give it your all” mdmdjentjrj

- does x hunter have no money cause alan lives alone in a mansion, be honest

- the way north looks at sonic makes me want to eat my computer. he’s constantly shooting his shot good for him

- these absolute clowns. throwing apples at him then bringing up charlie like do you want him to be miserable lmao

- babe’s having kitty thoughts rn isn’t he

- kim being dragged around like the distant cousin who came to see is taking me out i love this lil group NOT THE CHASE

- i’m obsessed with the piano track playing during this conversation does anyone know if they released which instrumentals they use in the soundtrack

- jeff getting kidnapped AGAIN is wild

- idk how i feel about the zipper on kenta’s outfit it looks uncomfy. oh is he having a change of heart? kenta growth moment?? oh no tony saw. his desperate ass is calling winner isnt he....

- pete and way trying their hardest to convince babe kenta can change vs kenta walking in and vowing not to change lol

- will not be commenting on kenta and how he was raised or the cycle or the way he looks at tony or or or or

- he got kenta on the floor crying TONY YOU WILL CRUMBLE

- not the “i’ve never seen you as a son i raised you as a dog” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

- winners cringe ass is here, someone needed to show him kindness or maybe have gay sex with him and let him have control in a safe environment idk i just know he’s not gonna make it more than a few hours god it’s getting desperate for these guys

- i’m really loving way after losing everything, like this man has changed at a fundamental level i dont know what he'll do next i dont know if he knows what he'll do next he has lost himself he has found the person he thought was gone forever....

- DID WINNER MAKE YHR NOISE OF THE CAR DOOR OPENING HELPP DJEJDJJKEKSK

- and he’s a bulls fan ekejjrjriekek

- why is way just standing there watching babe get his ass kicked go mind control

- kim off to the side sadly staring in space while everyone else talks is so funny to me

- babe and pete in sweats for their heist vs way in his fashion jacket

- winner shut up tony is gonna throttle you

- babe rotting from the inside over missing charlie:

way and his loafers: what are we

- i love tony’s little baby hairs im sorry but they’re kinda hot….

- if Pete and way try hard enough can they explode tony with their minds, like if they work as a team

- babe always getting his head smashed like he should just wear his raceing helmet all the time

ahhhh things are going down next ep!!!!!

#abe watches #pit babe the series

[fiapartridge]

pls im imagining will and daisy dancing together and bickering bc she has to pretend she still doesn't like him

The moment Will saw Daisy in her pretty pink dress adorned with tiny tulle flowers, he knew he was done for. And when he saw her sitting miserably at prom, her palm holding her head from passing out and falling asleep right on the table, he knew he had to step in. 

He had asked Daisy a million times to go to prom, but she had rejected him every single time. Not because she didn’t like him, but because she was scared to like him. She was running away from her feelings. She wouldn’t let him win, she couldn’t. So she did the only thing she could do. Ask someone else, except this guy – Jeremy – didn’t make her stomach feel like she’s done a hundred cartwheels in a row, and he doesn’t give her that thrilling rollercoaster rush. The only guy that could do that was the only guy she couldn’t like: Will.

Daisy was stubborn, and she knew that, but God, she wondered what it would’ve been like if she had gone with Will to begin with. Would she have been as annoyed as she was when she was taking prom pictures with Jeremy? Would she have been on the dance floor instead of being stuck at this damn table for however long it's been? Would she be wishing she was anywhere else but here, watching cute couples, even Gabe and his fucking date, slow dancing to Moon River by Frank Ocean? 

While she can’t go back to the past and figure out the answers to those questions, she had a hunch that maybe the answer would’ve been no.

“You’ve been sitting here for a while,” Will said, sitting down in the chair beside her. Jeremy was off doing who knows what with whoever the hell he was friends with. Honestly, Daisy just brought him there because he was cute and seemed desperate. And some part of her kinda wanted to make Will jealous. 

Daisy rolled her eyes, looking back at the dancefloor. She was bummed. She had bought this pretty gown, spent hours on her hair and makeup, she even got her nails done, which is something she never does— and she did all of that for nothing. “Don’t you have more important things to do than make fun of me?”

Sighing, Will stood up, holding his hand out to Daisy. She looked at it, confused. “What are you doing?”

“Asking you to dance with me,” he responded, noticing the change in song. Falling Like The Stars by James Arthur.

“That’s not much of a question.”

Will furrowed his brows. “You are insanely difficult.”

Daisy smirked. “When am I not?”

Will laughed, taking her hand in his and dragging her to the center of the dancefloor. Everyone’s eyes followed them. Will was popular because he played hockey. Everyone on the USNTDP was popular at school. And Daisy, well, she was Gabe’s sister. That’s all she’s ever been known for. But at that moment, she didn’t care about their judgemental stares, because she was holding Will Smith’s hand, and it felt electric.

His hands fell to her waist as hers wrapped around his neck. They swayed quietly to the melody of the song.

“Stop looking at me,” Daisy demanded as Will glanced somewhere else, acting as if he hadn’t been looking at her at all. “Also, your hands are warm.”

Will scoffed. “Don’t act like you don’t love it.”

“I don’t. They’re the worst hands that I’ve ever felt in my whole entire life, so.”

“They’re the only hands you’ve ever felt.”

Daisy shook her head. “This is not helping your case at all, Smitty.”

He chuckled, looking down at her. “‘Helping my case?’”

“Mhm,” she nodded. “You’ll never get me with an attitude like that.”

Moving his thumbs up and down the side of her torso, he expelled a breath. “I really do want you, Daisy. Can you just pretend?”

Finally meeting his eyes, she tilted her head, not quite understanding. “Pretend?”

“Pretend like you like me?” he let out a breathy laugh. “Just for a dance and then I’ll return you to your table to sulk.”

Daisy gulped. She didn’t have to pretend. If anything, she was pretending to hate him this entire night. She was glad that he asked her to dance, she was glad that her first dance wasn’t with Jeremy but with Will, she was glad that his hands were on her hips and that she was so close, she could feel his heart race through his chest. She was glad.

Nodding, she pressed her head against his chest. “Okay,” she whispered.

“Okay,” he whispered back.

#perreault!sister x will smith

[softxsuki]

hi!!! can I put in a request for the Valentine’s day Letter Event? I would like it to be with Pro Hero! Bakugo, where it’s platonic bc i’m lonely on Valentine’s day :( but we’re really close and he always calls me baby. I would like it to be comforting bc i’m always worried im never gonna find anyone for me, and I want Bakugo to reassure me that it’ll happen one day. Location: we are roommates and he left the letter for me before he went to work. Other info: he’s 23 and i’m 21 and always rant to him about not having anyone to love or to love me and it makes me sad, and he knows this so he just tries to be there for me. Thank you so much!! <3

Bakugou's Platonic Letter To His Roommate

Valentine's Day Letter Event pt.2 (CLOSED)

Pairing: Bakugou x Gn!Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: feeling lonely (mood)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 510

Summary: In which your roommate and friend, Bakugou leaves you an encouraging letter for valentine's day so you don't feel lonely

[A/N: I love writing for Bakugou, so this was fun! I hope you enjoy it. From one lonely person to the next, you're definitely not alone. We're all out here lonely, looking for comfort from out fav anime characters. Love that for us. <3]

Oh Valentine’s Day–A day that’s supposed to be full of love and positive vibes from the people around you who love you, yet here you were, very much single.

You envied the people around you who had a love life and someone to expect things from on Valentine’s Day. Was it too much to ask for just someone to hug and call your own on this day? Yet you had no one.

Or so you thought.

You were surprised to see a letter hung on the front door as you were about to leave, addressed to you. It could be from no one other than your roommate and close friend, Bakugou–also known as Pro Hero Dynamight.

You grab the letter and start to read it;

Y/N,

I’m only writing you this stupid letter because I know you’ll probably wake up feeling sad today, well not on my watch. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. And no I’m not about to confess to you or anything gross like that, you’re like a younger sibling to me.

Anyway, I know how badly you want to find a partner in life. Someone you can call your own and have to celebrate on days like these. You tell me any chance you get how lonely you are and how desperate you are to find someone in your life. I get it. Life can get lonely, but you’ll find someone eventually.

The right person is out there looking for you as well, you just have to be patient and wait for them to appear. And I hope you know that whoever you meet has to go through me. If they can’t handle me then they can’t handle anyone.

In the meantime though, I’ll be here for you. I hope you appreciate that, I don’t go around saying that to everyone. I’ll bring you back some flowers…gosh I’m going to regret saying that after reading all the headlines of love scandals. Jeez, the things I do for you.

Keep your head up, and look forward to the Valentine’s Day you’ll have one day with the right person by your side. That day will come, I promise.

Alright, I’ll see you tonight. I’m on patrol duty until late, but I’ll stop by and get us some dinner too, so don’t cook.

Love,

Katsuki

The guy was a total brute at times, and wasn’t afraid to say what was on his mind, especially if you annoyed him, but you were grateful to have him. Especially on a day like today. He’s always lent you his ear even if it looked like he wasn’t actually listening, he listened to every complaint you had.

Every word you’d ever uttered to him was important and he just proved that.

Maybe this wasn’t your time to have a partner, but there was still a whole year ahead of you with many possibilities.

You’d definitely have to thank Bakugou when he came home. Without his letter you would have been miserable all day. At least now you had something to look forward to; flowers and free dinner :D

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader

[ayyy-pee]

Chapter 4 - Bedpost

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Kofi

Pairing: Suguru Geto x Female Reader

Summary: You and Suguru try to resist ripping each other's heads off.

Genre:**College AU**

Story Warning: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Toxic Behavior, Jealousy, Jealous Behavior, Oral Sex, Unprotected Sex, Breeding Kink, Creampie, Possessive Sex, Possessive Behavior, Virgin Reader, Yandere Suguru, Emotional Cheating

Suguru Art by: Ilameys

You were trying to focus on your French lecture. You really were, but your mind couldn’t stop thinking about what you were going to wear tonight on your date with Satoru. You were only going to be having dinner at his (and the monkey’s) place but you still wanted to impress him. Should you wear a dress? Maybe something more casual? What did Satoru like? For once, you wished you could ask that idiot what his friend was into so you could make sure you made a good impression. Knowing that asshole, he probably would’ve told you the wrong thing and had you dressed like a pirate standing outside of his apartment later. The thought made you chuckle quietly to yourself.

You scribbled down your lecture notes as the professor continued. You jumped slightly when you felt your phone vibrate in your lap. You smiled, already knowing who it was before you opened your messages.

Satoru: cant wait to see u tonight :)

Satoru: what do u wanna eat?

Satoru: actually dont answer that. i wanna surprise u

Satoru: wait actually ur not allergic to anything right?

Your smile spread into a beaming grin. It wasn’t like you knew Satoru well at all, but even you could tell he was nervous. The rapid texts coming in one after the other was a dead giveaway. It was cute though. You shook your head, quickly replying under your desk.

You: lol breatheee Satoru. im not picky and no allergies

You: cant wait to see u too

You supposed you didn’t need Suguru to find out what to wear tonight. You could just ask Satoru directly. Right? That was fine? Fuck it. You were doing it.

You: weird question. what should i wear?

You watched the three little dots blink at the bottom of the screen for what felt like forever. You shouldn’t have asked. You really shouldn’t have asked. What kind of question was that anyway? You couldn’t pick something to wear? Were you really so desperate for his approval that you needed him to dictate what you wore? You hadn’t seriously dated anyone before, so you weren’t really sure how to do this. School was pretty much your boyfriend. You never made time for this kind of thing. You were pulled from your thoughts when your phone vibrated again.

Satoru: sorry i wanted to make a creepy joke so bad but i didnt want u to get the wrong impression. Wear whatever u want, love. im sure ur gonna look great no matter what <3

He was so sweet. You wondered how he could be friends with someone like Suguru who spent most of his time being a miserable ass to everyone around him. Seriously, any time you thought about trying to make peace with the guy, he said or did something to piss you off. You hoped he wouldn’t be at home tonight. You didn’t want him to ruin this for you. You typed back to Satoru quickly.

You: will your roommate be home?

He replied quickly this time.

Satoru: lol u kno u can just call him suguru

You: no thx.

Satoru: i dont get u guys but no its just me and u at the apt tonight. that ok?

You frowned, your stomach dropping as you read Satoru’s text. What was that? Sadness? Five seconds ago, you were praying he wouldn’t be anywhere near the apartment so you could be alone with Satoru. This was actually more than you could ask for. And yet, you couldn’t ignore the nagging disappointment you were feeling. You shot back a quick text to Satoru.

You: perfect :) see you tonight

You sighed, resuming your note taking. This was going to be a good night. You would make sure it was a good night. Suguru could not ruin this night for you. Satoru was going to treat you to dinner and you would not even see a glimpse of Suguru. That was a good thing, right?

----------------------

Once your classes were over for the day, you moved across the courtyard to head back to your apartment. It was the packed with students lounging in the grass. There were picnic tables scattered around where students were eating, mingling, studying. The beautiful spring weather made this place the perfect hangout spot. You wandered through the students laying in the grass, mentally arranging outfits in your closet when you heard your name being called. You glanced around, eyes landing on Utahime sitting at one of the picnic tables, waving you over. Next to her sat king of the apes himself, staring boredly off to the side with his elbow propped up on the table, head in his hand.

“Y/n, come here! I wanna talk to you before your date!” She howled across the courtyard. And it could have just been your imagination, but you could have sworn that even from the other side of the courtyard, you could see Suguru’s jaw tick hard.

You took your time making your way over there, careful not to step on any of the many people splayed out on the ground soaking up the sun. You kept your eyes locked on Utahime and Suguru as they chatted idly to each other. Suguru must have said something particularly hilarious because Utahime threw her head back to laugh, grabbing his arm to steady herself. Your stomach flipped. Why? You had no idea, but you found yourself moving just a little bit faster, your foot clipping a student in the side with a loud “ouch!” coming from below.

“I’m sorry!” you yelled back, hurrying over to the table. You threw your bag down on the bench and took a seat across from them, Utahime coming down from her giggle fit.

“What’s so funny?” You tried to ask casually, like your blood wasn’t boiling for whatever reason.

“Oh, nothing…” Utahime sighed happily. Your eyes were glued to her hand still on Suguru’s bicep as it slid down his arm slowly and landed on the table. “So?!” She started and you quickly averted your gaze, hoping she hadn’t seen you staring. Suguru on the other hand, had assumed his previous position of staring off to the side, not bothering to acknowledge you.

“So, what?”

“Don’t act stupid!” Utahime scolded. Suguru snorted at this.

“I don’t think she’s acting.” He muttered, still turned away from you and Utahime. You ignored him.

“Sugu, don’t be mean.” She chided and the familiar use of his nickname made you ball your hands into fists under the table. “I’m talking about your date with Satoru! Are you excited?”

Should you be talking about this in front of Suguru? Wait, why did you fucking care?

“Yes. We were texting about it earlier and he’s so sweet, Hime. He wants to surprise me with dinner and he’s cooking. He sounds just as excited as me from what he was texting me. This is so embarrassing, though. I asked him what I should wear.” In your peripheral, you saw Suguru shift slightly but he remained turned away from you.

Utahime giggled. “What did he tell you? A typical Satoru answer? Something sexy, short, preferably easy to take off?”

You blinked. Is that what he usually tells girls?

“Ah, no. He told me…one sec-” you pulled your phone out and read the text from Satoru back to Utahime…and Suguru since he wasn’t going anywhere apparently. “-and I quote: sorry, I wanted to make a creepy joke so bad but I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression. Wear whatever you want, love. I’m sure you’re gonna look great no matter what…And then he put a little heart emoji.”

Now Utahime blinked, her brown eyes wide and eyebrows lifting. “Wow…that sounds very unlike Satoru actually.” Again, you noticed Suguru shift next to Utahime. Whatever he was looking at must have been the most interesting thing in the world because his eyes were locked onto it.

Utahime leaned forward on the table. “Wear that little sage green dress in your closet. The silk one with the slit up your thigh!”

“Ooh, I forgot about that one. I’ll wear it!” You agreed.

“Yes! And it’s loose enough on the thighs for easy access for Satoru.” Your cheeks heated up immediately. Utahime lowered her voice an octave, a devilish grin flashing across her features. “Do you think you’ll fuck Satoru tonight?”

The hair on the back of your neck stood straight up as you felt the lighthearted atmosphere instantly shift into something much, much heavier. Your eyes slid over from Utahime’s to Suguru beside her who had suddenly pivoted his body to face you, his eyes glued to yours. Those deep brown eyes bore into yours so intensely, you had to look away.

“Stop staring, monkey. I don’t have any bananas with me.” You had to bring some type of normalcy back. Suguru knew little to nothing about you or your personal life – his only knowledge pertaining to your academics – yet here you sat with your roommate gushing about his best friend and the…intimate plans of the night ahead of you. You didn’t need him making it more awkward than it already was.

Suguru continued his staring, putting his head back in his palm as his lips curled into a wicked smirk.

“Oh, I’m just interested to hear if you’re going to fuck Satoru tonight or not.” You look at him again.

“Why is that any of your business?”

“Just curious. For someone who prides themselves on being so smart, you’re actually really fucking stupid if you fuck Satoru. But, you’re right. It actually isn’t my business.”

“And yet, here you are…making it your business. Say what the fuck is on your mind.” He doesn’t say anything, just sits there with the same intense stare, peering into your soul. “Speak, monkey.” You gritted out.

“I mean, it’s your choice. If you want to be another notch in Satoru’s bedpost, that’s up to you. I’m just saying, if let your pretty boy distract you you’ll be falling behind in your classes and debate team. Actually, this might work out for me if you and pretty boy do hook up.” He shrugs, sticking his tongue out at you through a cruel smile that doesn’t reach anywhere near his eyes.

“Pretty boy? I didn’t know you looked at Satoru that way, Suguru.” You match his cruel smile with your own, loving the way he tenses up at you addressing him by name for the first time since you’ve known each other. “Worried his good looks overshadow you and your chimp face?”

Suguru’s brows furrowed and he sat up straight. “Monkey this, monkey that. I’m getting so fucking bored with that one.”

“And I’m getting so fucking bored of your unwarranted opinions on what I’m doing.”

“And just like all of his other whores, you’re a one night stand away from Satoru being fucking bored of you in a couple of hours.”

You opened your mouth to reply only to be interrupted by Utahime’s nervous chuckle breaking through the tension. “Haha…You guys…maybe bring it down a little? You’re kind of yelling…” She glances around nervously and you follow suit, seeing quite a few eyes on you. You realize then that you’re breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your heart pounding in your ears. Suguru looks to be about in the same condition as you as he takes in your surroundings.

Snatching your bag from the seat, you stood abruptly, glaring hard down at Suguru. He glared right back. You would never be able to have a decent conversation with this monster. No matter what you did, no matter where you went, he would be there to shit on your mood and you were sick of it.

“I think you’re underestimating the chemistry between me and Satoru and I can’t wait to prove it to you. This date will go great whether I fuck him or not, but I think maybe I will.” You said quietly. You didn’t miss the way Suguru’s jaw clenched at this. “I will see him tonight regardless of your warnings and I will invade every corner of your space in that apartment just to watch you fucking squirm with irritation. I will continue to best you in every class we have together and then I will go home --” you dragged out the word ‘home’ and grinned when Suguru’s nostrils flared. “—to Satoru’s open arms while you cry in your room and waste away into nothing but mediocrity.”

Through gritted teeth, Suguru slowly speaks. “If you think you’ll be anything more to Satoru than a pair of legs to slide between, then you really are a fucking moron.”

You recoiled at the insult. While Suguru had called you many names, you did not fail to notice he called everyone else he deemed unworthy a moron - except you. And for some reason, this hurt.

“Fuck you.” You breathed shakily, your voice coming out just barely above a whisper.

“Think I’ll leave that job to Satoru.” He replied without missing a beat.

You stood there, scowling down at him. Your mind was racing so fast you couldn’t think of a response to that. He was going to have the last word and right now, you really didn’t care. The anger was overtaking you and you could feel your eyes beginning to burn as tears tried to escape. You said nothing, instead you turned on your heel and stormed off to your apartment to get ready for what you would make sure was an incredible date in spite of Suguru fucking Geto.

Taglist: @sacvh

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[gayspock]

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i can't sleep again & instead had another fucking. stupid ass panic attack that was so fucking bad this time ijust. whatever what am I saying any more. so so fucking Stupid and hopeless. i keep thinking about all the things I could try and how they're neve going to work. i keep thinking about how everything there is just insists that people are there to fucking support you. i can't do it. and ifeel like crawling in to a hole and fucking dying or just fucking screaming my lungs out. i just feel like everything's dead ends and jsut proves time and time again it's so fucking pointless fucking pointless shit again. there's nothing wrong with me there's nothing to talk out there's nothing to love and nothing to fix and you're just fucking miserable because what else can you be when youre so fucking useless and you can't fucking do anything right there's no fucking bullshit that can save your sorry fuckin ass and nothinf can ever make people want you you want to kill yourself because it's the right fucking answer and you're just a sad little bitch that keeps fucking kicking and screaming and crying and for attention I think I'm going nutsi haven't been able to function for the past few days again I can't fucking leave the house i want to really fucking hurt myself this time but it doesn't fucking do anything nothing fucking does anything I keep thinking about how much of a lost fucking cause it alwaysis and it's never fucking worth it even if I coudl fucking dig myself out this holeitsnust not. Fucking worth the time irve never been worth the fucking time not for me not for anyone just do all of what to just fucking struggle through it all and fucking do this for years and years fucking longer when what. Tell me what's at the fucking end but a sad empy fucking existence still. Im fucking telling you even if I woke up tomorrow and felt fucking nothing I would do anything to have had my life fucking end 10, 20 years ago never fucking existence because it's not fucking been worth it a single fuckkng day it never fucking will be andBecause I can't I can't I can't fucking keep being alone I'm always fucking alone and I feel like such a fucking child I just can't do it I can't fucking do it I think I'm going nuts i just I dojtfucking know I want to knowwhy I'm so fucking repulsive to everyone or why I'm just never enough and what's so fucking wrong with me and why im an aftwrthought at best I fucking can't do it I'm not fucking strong or fucking smart or fucking anyrhing and I think that's why I'm so desperate somefimesi just want to feel fucking something and I'm never going to get it from myself but I don't thinkanyones ever going to be able to stomach it and I don't know I JSUT want to feel like imnoy crazy please once before I fucking do it I want to just feel someone's fucking attention on me or like any of this was fucking reallike it meant fucking anything or if I've really jus fucking existed to get in the way and be miserable like fuckmeman I just I can't i can't don't I don't want to go to fucking work I don't want to move any more I don't want any of it I can't manage anyrhong and who will actually fucking care at the end of the day I mean that seriously I fucking mean that so fucking seriously like jot some bullshit awww ofc all life is meaningful will forget who I was in a week in what way am I ever going to dk anything I feellike it's the only fucking thing I can do for myself inusut fuck man