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#im too tired to write it all out again
louiskechi · 1 year
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alright let’s get this over with
here is a basic summary of all you could possibly need to know about me before you go starting something with me (this will be updated as i see fit)
-trans rights are human rights. this is not up for debate and is a block on sight if you disagree. same goes for black lives matter, and any other basic human rights that people somehow take offense to.
-xenogenders, lesboys/girl gays, mspec lesbians/gays, and all other non traditional or contradictory labels are valid. you can continue being angry that you aren’t allowed to fit queer people into strictly confined boxes all you want, but the long term goal of the queer movement should always be to break down restrictive labels and emphasize being who you are. this applies to neopronouns as well, obviously. all good faith identities are valid. full stop.
-transandrophobia is real. to deny that transmasculine people experience a unique type of transphobia tailored by bigots to specifically target our experiences is complacency. if you engage in hierarchical structures to organize the oppression marginalized people experience (i.e. saying things like “tme people need to shut up for once” when discussing transphobia) is reductive and only divides the community.
-self diagnosing is valid. not everyone has access to psychiatrists, let alone ones who will give a proper assessment. it’s also worth mentioning that both the medical field and the government have a lot of ingrained ableism, which can bar you from access to jobs, and can cause you to lose legal rights and bodily autonomy. (did you know getting an autism diagnosis can prevent you from getting a visa to most countries? it can even get you placed on a mandatory DNR!) accompanying this, i do not care what a system’s origin is. as a plural person, i couldn’t give less of a shit. if you say what you’re experiencing is plurality, i will believe you. trying to determine who “is and isn’t actually plural” does nothing but give fuel to those who will fake-claim us no matter how much proof we provide. you are helping divide our community and prevent mentally ill people from getting support that could save their lives.
-proshippers are annoying as fuck and i hate you all. no, you are not “just anti harassment,” in fact it’s a favorite hobby for quite a few of you. i do not identify as “anti ship” but having an integral part of your identity being that you think shipping a grown man with a child is fine tells me something about you that you somehow haven’t realized about yourselves. and no, you being a trauma survivor does not absolve you of abhorrent behavior. at this point it’s not even the content itself that worries me, it’s the relationship you people have with it. you can’t even handle the most mild criticism or discomfort about it. quit bragging about how uncomfortable you make everyone and really evaluate yourself.
-lolicon/shotacon is pedophilia. if you have some sort of objection to that you should really be looking up direct translations of the words you choose to identify yourselves with. terminology aside, no matter how much you try to insist “fiction doesn’t always effect reality,” that fictitious drawing of child rape is certainly effecting the reality of your now-erect cock. consider checking yourself before you get checked into a correctional facility.
-paraphiles deserve understanding and recovery. you are not going to eliminate things like pedophilia and zoophilia by arresting them, or worse, killing them, for feelings they can’t control. the solution to these things is easy access to therapy so they can work through those feelings and hopefully be rid of them one day, or at least no longer be a threat. most paraphiles do not want their paraphilia much less to act on them, and even those who do will not benefit from incarceration.
-the way some of you engage with fictional characters is disgusting. no, vriska serket was not a “girlboss” for telling the person she physically disabled to “apologize for being cr*ppled.” no, you do not think valentino is “just a really interesting villain” when i can see you talking about how sexy he is in the scene where he rapes the protag, followed by woobifying him and never addressing his actions at all. please get off the internet. it is genuinely disturbing the way you talk about these characters and it makes me deeply concerned about how you would act if you ever learned to shut off your computer. and yes, it is that deep.
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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saeshiraw · 9 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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seiwas · 6 months
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when all the ideas come to you faster than you can type but you have to get it down so the doc now looks like chunks of red paragraphs barely cohesive and without punctuation but the Thoughts are there and that’s what matters 🥲
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claratwelve · 4 months
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yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema
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‘is there yaoi in the arakawa family’ is an incredibly funny question because it’s infinitely funnier if there isn’t yk what i mean. theyre just like that
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possiblytracker · 1 year
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back to cycling through random underplayed games in my steam library to tide me over i GUESS
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bylertruther · 2 years
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thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳
#he is NOT going to die obviously clearly we know this they're not killing kids#BUT.#i'm just saying.... i don't think it would be crazy for him to feel guilty and like maybe this wouldn't have happened if...#well... u kno.. :(#he would never give up bc that's literally his whole thing that he's a fighter and a survivor#but. he does love his friends and his family. and he has been willing to die if it meant saving them before so like. yanno.#BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN I'M JUST SAYING THE ANGST IS LIKELY GOING TO BE THERE#AND THEN OFC EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY WILLIAM SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND GO TO TIME OUT#and then we'll get some good n scrumptious hurt/comfort ok no one stone me i'm knocking on wood ok i Kno#just imagine will proposing that and everyone immediately says NO and mike especially gets pissed#because he's SICK and TIRED of fucking losing will every single time he thinks he's got him back#and god dammit he's already seen what life is like without will there he's not going to do it again he's NOT#don't go where i can't follow + crazy together + it was the best thing i've ever done + it's hawkins it's not the same without you#versus closegate + el commissioned it + she needs you and she always will#mike who is clutching onto will for dear life unwilling to let him go and will who is all too willing to#walk through the gates of hell if it means saving everyone he's ever loved and putting them out of their misery#but of course there's a better plan and letting will die is like killing a puppy it's like taking a sledgehammer to the foundation of#everything yanno. without heart we'd all fall apart n u can't beat the darkness without the light#anyway. can u tell i'm procrastinating editing my fic rn n thats why im writing epic poems in these tags <3#mine
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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#i experience an emense amount of guilt ovet not being able to focus on work. go into the lab and run into a lab mate and hes like#u leave Thursday? why tf r u here? and that makes me feel a lil better lol#ive just being data entering all day. that takes so fucking long. and then helping an undergrad#exept my code was out of date so i was like welp i can only get u this far bc i did not write this code. i do not work with the#supercomputer on a regular enough basis. and i gave my 30 days notice today so ill be working remotely until the 18th#i probably should have done it way before but like ive still got so much to do i might as well get paid for doing it#the undergrad was like id probably work to the end bc i feel lost when im not working and i was like. bro. im so fucking brunt out that ppl#around me r like yo r u ok? theres a thing as too much work. dont cross that line. snd ill still probably work to the end bc i dont wanna#have to do it on top of other shit. but god. in a few days i never have to go back in that building again#sometimes having to be in that lab would make me feel physically ill i thibk just bc i have so much stress associated with standing at that#lab bench but woof i will not miss it. its not great. the ppl r nice but like the institution kinda sucks. but i probably#wasnt the best fit for the school. i only cane out here for my advisor and on that front i have no regrets#god im so tired tho. just make it Thursday already so my parents can b helping me move >~< lets fucking goooooo#srry for not posting much drawing wise. i prob wont b able to for a while as i transition across the country lol#also. a note to myself. i should get a proper sketchbook so i can actually draw out ideas and store them in a place. that would b convenient#god. its so hot 😖 let me leave#unrelated
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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i'm so tired /pos idk what it's called but yk those rock trails !?!
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nyways have these low qual flowers bcs my phone camera is mostly broken 🥹
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kellystar321 · 10 months
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#periodical life updates#maybe when artfight is done i'll ask for avm art reqs; that seems fun. i wanna draw the colorful sticks#(<- has been mainly drawing the stickmin sticks for twitter)#wait i also mentioned i wanted to work on my selfship blog right? fck. and also my part for that map too.#jegus jace r.i.c.k.e.c. starlight youve got so many projects huh. well its good to write them down. ive got this thing i do where once i-#finish a big project i forget all other projects ive ever had. ''i was so caught up in the euphoria of not being busy with artfight anymore#''i forgot that my other projects existed!'' type beat. future jace check here when youre done artfight. you've also got a fic to write!!#and ecas to draw! you also wanted to do an oc sexyman tourney but you wanted to draw everyone portraits first so <3#stickmin comics (charles; randy; jegus we probably cant think of montana just yet) and also i still got the requests from there :'>#maybe a commission sheet. i might do kofi commissions they sound fun. real commissions stress me out hgkjh </3#infinite art project hell hfkjhf </3 didnt do much artfighting today due to dentist appointment. it was very unpleasant.#i need a lot of dental work done. i have to go back next week (RIGHT BEFORE SAHCON TOO LMAO) and i also gotta have my wisdom teeth removed#not then i think (hopefully i dont wanna be fcked up before sahcon :/) but eventually. ugh. mimserable.#my queue's running low again. im tired of filling it back up ough u-u#my new drawing tablet came in btw!! ive been drawing more comfortably again <3 gotta update my progress reports for artfight#ive been watching secret sleepover society though hjdfjkh they played a cute potion making game!! but i'll work on the spreadsheet now hdjk#okay done and posted! gonna take my dental meds and probably sleep or add more stuff to queue?#see ya! <33
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llondonfog · 11 months
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🫠
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sungbeam · 1 year
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fully accepted that tumblr just won't ever fix the jacob fic tag situation that's . lovely :)
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays#i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test#and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment#and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being#weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor#and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill#but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying#and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully#so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die#i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive#i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading#speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die#also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams#bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be#crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street#also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it#i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus#and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself#tw suicide mention
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simplyender · 2 years
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oh. so NOW i REALLY get what other people in the submas fandom meant when they mentioned angst burnout
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dangoulains-devotion · 2 months
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every time I have to wade through inane ship wars where people are willfully ignorant to the depth and facets of cloud strife's character, circumstance, and story just so I can find some cool screenshots or fanart my 'cloud is ace' agenda simply grows more potent out of spite
#rebirth literally said in bold letters he has multiple feelings. like humans do#and yet in the year 2024 i am still forced to see 'this ship was canon since 1997 unlike the other one'#do you have a brain that you use#are you capable of actually delving into the details of a character#without reducing them to barbie dolls that get smacked off one another#i just want to look at cool fanart man#dont even get me STARTED on how zack slots into all this#my boy has not haunted the narrative for you to go and ignore character developments like this#this is all coming out more blunt than i would normally try to write things#but brother i am so tired#i could write a whole post on how it is very real and normal for humans to feel affection for more than 1 person#and how it manifests in cloud and the whys#if the game itself is somehow not clear enough to you then you are simply choosing to close your eyes at that point#trying to act superior and objective about your ship while ignoring the material you claim to have gotten your Objective Facts™ from...#good gravy.#shipping is supposed to be a fun thing secondary to enjoying the content#not a primary objective to use it to argue with people#i would say peace and love on planet gaia but im sure some people would read it as peace and you can only love one person at a time forever#on planet gaia. haha.#anyway...... now that that's out my system i can be at peace again#shout out 2 my fellow multishippers who take this bountiful wealth of content and have fun with it#i think im gonna replay rebirth's story soon#want to see how much more i can pick out about new/updated approaches to characterization#rocket town will be very interesting in part 3 i think#yuffie too with wutai supposedly becoming a much more fleshed out thing#if this post somehow breaches containment:#if your first thought is to um actually me and whip out 'evidence'. i am not going to give you rhe time of day#because my rambling clearly went over your head and im not interested in 1sided discussion where i am being talked at rather than to#anyway have fun stop wasting time arguing and pls look forward to remake part 3 where i lose my mind over vincents waist. again#look what you did you raised my blood pressure enough to hit the tag limit. anyway peace and love on planet g-
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