#imagine trying to go home after a long day of no progress w/ your research and when you turned off the light your research subject just

[kurohaai]

Night encounter.

More Mermay AU doodle

Mer Das - mine Researcher Pavnis - @theartisticapparition's

#Mermay 2022 #mermaid AU #Daseer Wanlyn #Pavnis Madron #doodle #Kuroha Ai #bioluminescence hell yeah #imagine trying to go home after a long day of no progress w/ your research and when you turned off the light your research subject just #-nyooms- ''hello there'' #Mer Das' way to greet his future gf is to scare her #he's just curious and moves better in the dark #long long boi #self indulgence doodle to preserve sanity (as per usual)

[blu-joons]

DATING GOT7 HEADCANON A⇴Z ⇴ Park Jinyoung

A ⇴ AFFECTION

He’ll pretend in front of others that he doesn’t care for affection, but the second the two of you are alone, he’ll love to cuddle up to you. He’s very private about your relationship, and his affection definitely reflects this.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

You’d caught him staring at you a few times whilst you worked on the set, but you just thought that was what he did. Little did you know, he was trying to build up the courage to approach you. You could tell straight away that he was a little standoffish around people he didn’t know, so you tried your best to just brush it to one side.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

Over time, that courage built up until Jinyoung decided he was ready. At the end of a recording one night, he walked over to you and asked if you had any plans for the rest of the evening. When you said no, he asked you if you wanted to grab dinner with him as he too was without plans for the evening. You thought he was just being friendly, but as the evening progressed, you soon realised exactly what the purpose of the dinner was.

D ⇴ DATES

He was a bit of an old school romantic when it came to your dates, Jinyoung didn’t like to do things too public in order to keep you safe, so he’d often invite you to his place for dinner or something casual. He’d often ask you if you minded your dates being so private, but you didn’t mind at all, the most important thing for you was being able to spend time with Jinyoung. If there was an important anniversary or you were celebrating something, he’d book a table at a restaurant, making sure that the two of you were at a private table so that he could continue to keep you safe.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

The only real experience he’d had of a relationship was through his acting, aside from that, he was pretty clueless. He always had an idea that programmes exaggerated the idea of love, but when he met you, he began to realise that maybe they were right all along. Most of the emotions were ones he’d only ever acted, but with you he was able to begin to experience them in real life. It was exciting for him more than anything else to experience his first real love, and never have to stand back and wait for someone to yell cut.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

At times, Jinyoung was very stubborn, which didn’t always end well for you both. Whilst you hated arguing, if Jinyoung felt that an argument needed to be had, he definitely wouldn’t back down. It was only when he’d begin to see you tearing back or trying to escape the situation, he’d realise that things couldn’t go on. One thing he’d never do was shout at you though, no matter how angry he got, he’d make sure to be calm and clear in expressing his feelings. Sometimes a night apart was what you both needed to resolve the situation, but eventually one way or another the two of you would work things out.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

Jinyoung decided to introduce you to his sisters first as they were more than excited to meet you. Luckily for you, the good impression you left on them meant they quickly let the rest of his family know how kind you were, which meant a huge family dinner was organised just a week or two later, which you had to attend.

H ⇴ HOME

There was no rush for Jinyoung to move you into his apartment, he wanted to take things slow and trust in his emotions. But after your first night at his place, he couldn’t deny how much he loved the company. He’d still build into it, maybe a couple of days, and then a week, and then if that worked well, he’d offer you a key to his home.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

You never imagined him being the first to say, ‘I love you,’ but when he came home from tour and saw you waiting for him, he couldn’t stop himself. You were more than surprised when he whispered it into your ear, even he was surprised for a few moments as you struggled to believe he’d just told you he loved you before he repeated it once again to make sure you knew it.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He wasn’t someone who got jealous often, he was quite sure of himself and trusted you always in any situation. You’d be able to tell pretty quickly if he was getting jealous because he’d glare at whoever or whatever the problem was. You would walk over and wave your hand in front of his eyes, but he wouldn’t stir, you’d have to physically grab him for him to jump back into reality. He’d try and convince you he was just in the middle of a daydream, but as you saw where he was looking, you knew exactly what was going on.

K ⇴ KIDS

It was something that Jinyoung was very secretive about, you could never quite gauge how he felt about having kids. When he brought it up one day, you were a little taken aback, once he began to talk about it, he couldn’t quite stop himself. He made it very clear that he’d never considered himself as a dad, but meeting you changed it all. He’d always loved kids, and with you, couldn’t wait to have his own.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

He wasn’t known for being someone who laughed often, which you learnt quite early on in your relationship. Jinyoung would often try and hold back his laughter, but you’d always spot him biting down on his bottom lip when he didn’t want you to see him laugh. He loved to make you laugh though, he was always coming out with stupid jokes or dodgy impressions that would bring a smile to your face. He never laughed as much as he did around you, sometimes at things that you did, but often just at how you acted too.

M ⇴ MISSING

Jinyoung would try hard to pretend that he didn’t miss you, whenever anyone asked, he’d just ignore it, but deep down, he struggled. He’d try and keep calm until he was back at his hotel or alone in the dressing room and then he’d reach for his phone. He was always searching for a message from you, and if there wasn’t one, he’d always text to make sure that you were alright. Even when he rang you, he’d smile through the suffering, but you knew Jinyoung a lot better than he thought you did, and you could always tell when he struggled. You’d often send Jaebum a text to let him know and ask of him to keep an eye on Jinyoung.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

Pet names weren’t a huge deal for Jinyoung, he didn’t mind what you called him, whereas he would often call you, ‘flower,’ or, ‘love,’ anything that he knew would make you smile.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

Jinyoung was obsessed with your hands, he loved to be able to hold them and play with them when he felt nervous. They were a great comfort to him in knowing that you were there.

P ⇴ PDA

Again, Jinyoung wasn’t huge on affection in public, he’d much prefer to show you how he felt in your own private space. He’d often be found just holding your hand when you were in public, above all else he wanted to make sure that you were by his side and safe. He’d never talk about you too; he would keep stories and memories to himself.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He was very concerned about you; he’d always ask questions about you. If he had a random question about something you did in school, he’d ask it, or if he wanted to know what you did last week, he’d definitely enquire.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

His privacy of your relationship reflected in how he acted. It was well known that he loved to take photos, and he definitely loved to take photos of you. No one would ever see those photos though; they were for his eyes only. He had a whole album on his phone dedicated to you, which he kept a password on to make sure no one ever had a look apart from him.

S ⇴ SEX

Jinyoung likes to be dominant, he very much feels like it’s the man’s role to protect the lady in situations like these. He won’t be opposed to you dominating, but he won’t enjoy it as much. He doesn’t like to be rough too much, he’d much prefer to be an attentive and affectionate boyfriend and surround you with attention. He doesn’t talk too much either, he much prefers for it to be quiet so he can just enjoy the moment.

T ⇴ TEXTS

If Jinyoung texts you, reply quickly, otherwise your phone will blow up. If he sees you’ve not replied, he’ll instantly begin to worry and send you another text to make sure you’re alright, and if still there’s nothing, he’ll definitely give you a ring.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

He likes to consider himself a bit of a mystery, not many people can read Jinyoung often, he keeps his cards very close to his chest. However, you were the one that cracked the code, you always knew how he was feeling, or what he was thinking.

V ⇴ VACATION

Whenever the two of you went on holiday, you’d play third wheel to him and his camera. He’d take as many photos as he could on holiday, sometimes of the most random things, so that he could remember them. He loved exploring with you, he’d do plenty of research before you went away so he could find the best places to take you too and make sure you had the time of your life being on holiday with him.

W ⇴ WHINING

He didn’t tend to whine too much, but he was stubborn, if he lost at something or something didn’t go his way, he’d definitely start throwing a tantrum.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Throughout the day Jinyoung didn’t tend to kiss you often, he’d often save his kisses for late at night as the two of you settled to go to sleep. If he was feeling needy however, he’d definitely walk over to you and try and sneak a few kisses. He loved playing hard to get and switching off his feelings, but sometimes it just didn’t work. He’d try and fight the urge, but eventually you’d do something that would draw him to you.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were the one who understood him when at times he thought it was impossible.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Night-time was when Jinyoung became the most affectionate, he’d fall asleep in a heartbeat when he had you with him, he’d hold you tightly all night long, and massage all your muscles the following morning when you woke up numb.

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Masterlist

#got7 #got7 imagine #jinyoung #jinyoung imagine #park jinyoung #park jinyoung imagine #got7 reaction #got7 scenario #got7 headcanon #got7 drabble #got7 one shot #got7 fluff #jinyoung scenario #jinyoung reaction #jinyoung drabble #jinyoung headcanon #jinyoung one shot #jinyoung fluff #got7 jinyoung #kpop #kpop imagine

[slasherkisss]

Best Friends Are For [Carrie White/Reader]

[A commission for @space-and-sea​, featuring a platonic relationship between Carrie White and the reader! This was such a fun, cathartic one to write for me since I relate so much to Carrie ;w; If you’re interested in a commission please DM me!]

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To say that Carrie White had a hard life was a little bit of an understatement, that was certain.

Carrie would have preferred the concept that her life was a little bit of a Hell, had her momma not beaten her for even considering such foul language in her home. Life wasn’t Hell, she would scold her through the door of her closet as she clawed at the wood of the overly-confining space, and she should pray that it never would be! She should repent those words so that God might not take her up on that statement and truly send her to hell in order to make her regret every sinning in such a manner. So, Carrie often did not refer to her life as Hell. Rather she decided it was… hard. As little justice as that word did for her emotions at any given moment, it was enough to satiate the general pain of loneliness and annoyance that bubbled up under the base of her skin like salt on a slug. It was a sort of sting that she had grown used to though.

How sad was it, she couldn’t help but think, that she had grown used to it?

She thought on her life for only a few moments before the echo of her teacher’s word finally reached her ears. They once sounded drowned out, hidden behind a wall of water like she was inside of a fish tank, distorted and cold against the sun that shimmered through the classroom from the windows. Now she could hear it more clear, though, and behind the long locks of mousy hair, Carrie could only feel a sense of dread at the words that were spoken forward with mock sincerity towards the group of students before her.

“Alright class! For this next project, I’ll be assigning you to work in pairs! So please choose your partner quick as you can and then we’ll go over the details of the assignment.”

That was all it took. That was the whirlwind starting noise that pushed all of the bustling bodies forward. Carrie winced and cringed in her seat at the force of the students around her as they scrambled to find their friends, fingertips linked with laughs as girls located their best friend. Huffing tones of jocks arguing over the nerd of the class as they tried to be his partner for an easy A. The nerd looking semi-irritated but mostly uncomfortable as he was pushed around like a rag doll between basketball and football players the entire length of the choosing process, only to be bid like a horse to the captain of the lacrosse team who offered ten bucks and not to let him get beat up every day after lunch. She simply observed each movement with curious eyes, never making her own move to get up. To find someone new or old to pair up with.

Why would she? She knew what they thought of her. Sitting and staying quiet was bette than risking the humiliation of their laughs and ‘hell nos’ in front of other classmates.

Well, that was what she thought anyways.

Carrie blinked in surprise at the form that obfuscated her desk from the front and looked upwards at the face of the body. E/C eyes watched her with curiosity, a tilt of their head brushing hair along the back of their neck as they smiled politely, the curve of their mouth neat against their face. Carrie blushed at their closeness, her back hitting the very edge of her chair as she leaned away in surprise, eyes wide with shock.

You had seen her sitting alone, as she always seemed to do for most of her classes, and your heart was curious. Though a new student, having just transferred from a city miles away with no real important name, you weren’t unaware of the bias that seemed to surround the poor girl. The way people laughed and teased at her with mocking eyes and annoyed furrows of brows made your heart fill with rage as they all but bullied her into some form of quiet submission. That wouldn’t do, you decided as the group project was announced and you spent your time watching her carefully as students ran around and over her as though she were invisible, and you wanted to see if you could change that.

Not out of pity, of course, who wanted a friendship built out of pity? No, yours was curiosity. Yours was genuine interest.

Yours was determination.

“Hi,” You greeted with your best smile as you moved back slightly, aware of her shift in discomfort as she watched you with doe-like eyes, “I’m Y/N. New student here… You’re… ?”

“Oh… Carrie White.” She managed out, her voice so soft you had to strain your ears against the loud mocking noises of the students around the two of you. Still, she offered you her name. That was progress if you had ever seen it, you decided, and your smile grew more genuine as you reached out your hand with polite intent.

“Well,  Carrie White,” You hummed in general greeting, “I need a partner for this assignment. You want to be mine?”

The phrase came out a little strange, more like a confession than an actual request for a simple school project partnership. It wasn’t lost on Carrie as her face, pale behind that long hair of hers, turned red at her cheeks as she watched your fingertips with baffled confusion. You wanted to be her partner? Willingly? She wondered if the teacher had put you up to this for a moment. She could imagine him giving a pleading look and begging you gently in the back of his lips with a whisper to just take pity on her and pair up with her, so that she wouldn’t feel bad about having to work alone or be pushed out of a group, even if it was just two people. It was enough to bring a sense of annoyance to her stomach. Of anger as she let her brows furrow at your hand before looking back up at your face.

Her gaze softened when she saw your genuine smile hold itself with patience against your lips as you waited for her answer, never pressuring her to give it right away as you stood there with that same soft look on your face.

Were you really being serious?

Taking a breath, Carrie reached out and took your hand in hers with a weak willed shake of it. And, for a brief moment, she dared to smile.

“Um, yes, I’d like that a lot.”

That was all the two of you needed to seal your friendship, the pact made in the work of a class rather than blood or tears like any other pact might be made.

Carrie was a sweet girl, her interests limited but bright as she talked about them with you between studious notes written in the sides of books as the two of you researched for your projects. The discussions in the libraries often led to fits of giggles that would make the librarian snap at the two of you with a fierce ‘shush’, which in turn only made you stifle more giggles together as you tried (and usually failed) to focus back on work. It was the most well you had ever worked with someone, you realized in awe as the assignment both of you handed in garnered a beautiful ‘A’ circled on the researched front page.

Both you and Carrie could only look at one another with a mixture of awe and pride as you gazed up at your teacher, whose smile only indicated that he was pleased at how well the both of you had got on together during your work. The pride in your heart matched with the pride you had over your new friend. Over the effort she had put into the research and into knowing you so that the both of you would operate with perfect unison alongside one another. So neither of you would be left in the dust because, well, that simply wasn’t what friends did to one another. As you gazed at Carrie, who stared all but adoringly back at you, you couldn’t help but continue the smile that warmed your lips.

“We make a great team.”

A team you did make with her. One that lasted the entirety of the school year as the both of you spent time alongside one another. Her bullies were pushed away as you slid to her side, taking whatever crap they gave you and flinging it back at their own faces when they threatened to sneer at her. When one snarked at you, you would simply return the comment with a haughty tone and a biting look that threatened, no, DARED them to try something with you. The one who really did try in the middle of the year regretted it and, though you were sent to a week of detention after class, the slight bruise to your cheek and the bloody nose you got for defending Carrie was all but worth it despite her constant protests.

“You don’t have to stick up for me like that,” Carrie would whimper as she touched your sore face, “I can’t stand to see you hurt… Because of me, Y/N.”

To it, of course, you only smiled at her and pulled her into a hug.

“And miss a chance to tell those assholes what for? Trust me, I enjoy it.” So when you saw her running out of the lockers one day, her body shaking and refusing to look you in the eyes as she was escorted by one of the teachers amongst a chaos of laughter and yells, you knew something horrible had likely happened. Heads popped out after her to watch her form scurry away, their smiles fading only when they noticed you before them. Your fists were clenched and your teeth pulled themselves together in a grimace of anger, a look so terrifying that, if they could kill, the girls before you would be dead ten times over.

You felt rage bubble up in your stomach as you hissed the words of anger through your bared teeth:

“What did you DO TO HER?”

No one answered. Of course they didn’t. Taking a breath, you turned on your heels and sprinted down the hallway, ignoring warning calls about running in the halls in favor of finding Carrie. That was all that mattered now, not those sneering cheerleaders who would rather make fun of your best friend and do their makeup then dare to listen to reason. You felt your breath fall in shaky, nervous gasps as you caught up with your PE teacher and your best friend, your hands flinging themselves forward to touch Carrie, who flinched for a moment at your advance.

“Y/N,” Miss Collins voice was sharp but understanding as she knew it was you, “It’s not the time. You’ll be able to see her soon, just please go back to class.”

“But I-!” You tried to protest but were shooed away, forcing yourself to a stop as the two disappeared down the hall.

You heard whispers behind you. Sharp murmurs that echoed with burning heat in the back of your ears, causing you to turn your head around so fast that you almost gave yourself whiplash. Your brows narrowed, sharp and full of succinct anger at the students who talked around you with so little regard to the situation that it was downright disgusting. Your gaze must have reflected your opinion. One by one the group was stunned into silence as they met your heated glare, slowly dissipating and averting their eyes so that they didn’t have to stare into the fierce flame you had acquired. Clenching and unclenching your hands as tight as you could, you tried to find your breaths to make them more even. In and out, you tried to repeat, in and out.

Carrie would need you to be calm, after all. You had to do it for her.

Sure enough she was released from the principal's office a little over half an hour later. Your discovery of her location had led you to wait patiently outside of the door with growing anxiety biting at the tips of your toes as they tapped relentlessly against the linoleum of the school hallway. Your fingers fiddled with one another, nails punching into skin and teeth sinking into lips as you tried not to count every second that passed that you were without your best friend. Yet they still echoed in your mind like clockwork, a tick of each one making your foot beat faster on the floor as you pushed the thoughts away. One two… Three four five… Six, seven! Eight nine and-

“Y… Y/N?”

Carrie’s voice snapped you out of your reverie as your head shot upwards, staring at the girl to your side who watched you with those beautifully wide, doe-like eyes she always seemed to have on her. Her fingertips clung to the books covering the front of her body like it was a life line, desperate to hide herself from the world. To hide herself from even you. The thought made your hurt burn, but you understood the reasoning behind it. After all, the experience had been traumatic.

Your pain must have registered on your face because Carrie averted her eyes, biting her lip as she tried to push her hair further in front of her face. To hide from your gaze as you finally pulled yourself from it, reaching out and touching her shoulder with light fingers, more asking permission than initiating a touch fully. You felt her flinch, but she didn’t pull away or give another indication that it was refused. You let your hand hold her steady then, bringing yourself closer to her as you bit your lip with worry.

“How are you doing?” You couldn’t help but ask with worry lacing your tone, “What did they say in there?”

She didn’t answer for a long time, but you waited patiently for her to find the words. You knew that, sometimes, words came hard to her through her mind of frustrated phrases and bible verses her mother pushed upon her. When she did, at last, there was a slight twist to her smile that you recognized as her slightly sarcastic, annoyed look. The gaze that was saved only for you and her when she was sure no one was looking. When she was sure she could get away with such a face as she muttered low into your ear.

“He kept calling me Cassie.”

To this you couldn’t help but snort, covering your mouth as a small fit of giggles left you. Carrie smiled, your laughter infectious as you rolled your eyes and let your hand find her free one instead, taking it and lacing your fingers together with a sigh and another quick snort.

“Cassie! What a fucking joke of an ass,” You couldn’t help but cackle as you gazed at her softly, “Hey, did they still say you have to go to class?”

She shook her head.

“I can go home early…”

“Cool… Do you want to spend some time at the park before you head home?”

“O-Oh,” Carrie’s eyes widened in surprise, “But your classes-.”

You shrugged in response with a light chuff, “One day of hooky won’t kill me. Besides, you’re more important to me than some book or teacher’s lecture. I’d skip a thousand classes for you!”

“I wouldn’t want that!” Carrie laughed, squeezing your hand in hers and accepting your offer, the both of you sliding out of the door to the school fully and into the sunlight of the mid afternoon in Maine.

The walk to the nearby park was quiet, your only comments on the weather as the two of you enjoyed the fresh air. At your side, Carrie clung to you with the desperation of a lost child, hiding her form behind your own as she watched others pass by. As her eyes followed them with worry to their intentions before relaxing as they walked away. She hadn’t skipped school like this before, nor did she ever not go home straight to her Momma. The entirety of the experience was new and moderately terrifying, yet your hand in her own made her all the more confident as the two of you found a shady bench beneath a massive acorn tree, sliding into it with a sigh as your aching knees enjoyed a momentary reprieve.

Carrie sat at your side, her books placed gingerly on the bench next to her as the two of you watched the ongoings of the park with quiet interest. Old couples walking dogs and chatting with one another filled your peripheral. Families of children who were not yet old enough to go to school decorated themselves amongst picnic tables and frisbee games, screaming and shrieking their enjoyment as the weather warmed their skins and hearts.

Your gaze turned to Carrie again, a frown painted on your lips for a moment as you watched her space out. Her gaze focused languidly on the floor before her, her fingertips fiddling with one another as she seemed to try and remember how to breathe. Taking a breath yourself, you reached out and cupped her hands with your own, giving your friend a gentle squeeze to startle her momentarily out of her reverie. You mustered up the best serious look you could manage before her as she gazed at you with curiosity against her otherwise exhausted looking appearance.

“Whatever those fuckers did,” You began with a sharp annoyance to your tone as you referred to her classmates, “Was stupid and cruel. No matter what they said or what anyone tells you, Care-Bear, you didn’t fucking deserve any of it. If I was allowed to I’d give every last one of them a piece of my mind-! The shit they pulled… You don’t deserve it and don’t EVER think that you do, okay? I promise that if they ever try shit again-” You gave a lopsided smile at her, “-I’ll be there to chase them out of the room myself, okay? So… Please, don’t let it get you down so bad, alright? You got me in the end, I promise.”

Your words hit something within Carrie that seemed to break her. Her gaze held yours, searching hard through it for any sign that you might be lying… Any reasoning as to why, just why, you would say all of those kind things to her. Why you would spend so much time with her and why, oh God why, you would even consider being this close to her after all that had happened. Her stomach churned with something between delight, care, and excitement as she watched your genuine expression with shock. You meant every word you said, she had realized with awe to the slight slack of her jaw, and you wouldn’t take it back. When you said something, she had learned, you meant it. Each word spoken from your lips in the months she had known you had meaning. Had purpose behind each syllable and that alone was enough to amaze her.

Amaze her that you were you… That you were her friend.

All at once tears fell from Carrie’s eyes as she leaned forward, engulfing you in the most delicate of hugs that had you gasping as the wet of her tears lit up your shoulder. You suppress a smile of amusement as you hugged her back, sighing as you were encompassed in the warmth and scent of your best friend. She seemed to cling to you more as you accepted her movement. The two of you must have been quite a sight, you mused, with her sobbing into your shoulder and you clinging to her as though she might turn to mist and disappear.

It felt warm, though. It felt right.

“I-I appreciate you, Y/N,” Carrie whimpered into your ear as she pulled away, wiping her face as it grew splotchy and red with her tears, “I… I never thought i’d have such a good friend in my life. I really am blessed to have you in it and I-I… I don’t ever want to have another one. Just you.”

You laughed, leaning closer to her and sighing as you touched your shoulders together with a smile.

“More friends are okay, Carrie, we’ll just have to find people who can hang with us both! I… appreciate you too, though, yeah? You’re amazing and beautiful and creative and… Well, I think we make a pretty good team, don’t you?”

You used the same words you had done when you first met. When you first completed something together and shared that same feeling of accomplishment with one another. This seemed to mimic that same feeling for the both of you, the touch of your shoulders and glint in your eyes nostalgic as she smiled at you, her tears steadying into nothing as she gave only a swift nod of confirmation and squeezed your hand tight to hers. Tilting your head for a moment, another idea seemed to instinctively come into your mind, your heart beating as you smiled and sat up straighter than you usually did, the eagerness of your question causing it to nearly stumble off of your tongue as you bounced in your seat.

“Say, Carrie,” You whispered in excitement, “How about we go to the Prom? Togther?”

It seemed to take her a minute to process just what you had said to her, the words in one ear and out the other, only to boomerang perfectly back into her as she startled, her face red with blush now as she stuttered something you couldn’t quite catch and brushed her hair behind her ear as she bit her lip. Realizing your words may have been misconstrued, you found yourself back tracking as you held both of your hands up with wide eyes of your own, a nervous laugh bubbling in your throat as you stuttered out your explanation with extreme honesty:

“N-No-wait- fuck shit- I didn’t mean-! As friends, right? I mean, if you find a date for yourself and want to go with him then, for sure, you should go with him! Whoever goes with you is a lucky guy, after all but… If you just wanted to go with no pressure or anything, sometimes going with friends can be just as fun! We could both wear really nice outfits, I’ll help you pick out your makeup if you want to try and wear some! Oh and we could do it together before we come in and when we’re here we can drink punch and dance and-!”

“I’d love to!”

She blurted her answer out as fast as possible in the middle of your words, making you both stumble over them and erupt into a fit of friendly giggles as she reclaimed her status in the situation with a nod.

“I’d love to go with you, Y/N… I think that sounds like the most fun thing ever, a-actually! Yeah, let’s do it! Let’s go to the prom together!”

You cheered, all but tackling her into a hug as the two of you giggled with excitement, drawing gazes curiously over to you as older folks hummed in amusement, murmuring something about ‘the good ol days’ as they continued to walk their dogs. You couldn’t care, though. You didn’t want to. All you wanted to focus on was the fact that you had made Carrie White, your best friend in the entire world, the happiest girl on earth in that very moment.

“That’s the spirit! Carrie and Y/N, on an adventure in high school! It’ll be AWESOME.”

You laughed as she clung to you, smiling through her beautiful hair and giving a confirming nod, biting her lip before she spoke out, eager in her tone:

“I can’t wait!”

Carrie White supposed that, yes, her life was truly hard. The hardest it had ever been at her age… but… She had you now, didn’t she? Perfect, loud, amazing you at her side for as long as she stayed your friend.

That alone? It was enough to make her life ten times brighter than if it existed without you. And that enough was to make her the most grateful person on earth.

#carrie white #carrie white x reader #carrie white imagine #carrie #carrie 1976 #commission work #writing commission

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

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Chapter 31: Jon

Fortunately for Jon’s nerves, Halloween week means Research is inundated with statements, mostly false ones, so the first week following Tim’s ill-advised adventure means they’re all helping out with disproving piles of utter nonsense, which in turn means none of his assistants putting themselves in harm’s way. They do get a live statement midway through the week, in the form of the exterminator who handled Jane Prentiss’ body, but as there’s nothing to really investigate regarding his statement, that’s harmless enough. Tim insists on sitting in on the statement, and against his better judgment, Jon agrees.

It’s probably a mistake, though, as over the course of the following week Tim begins having frequent headaches. They seem to pass quickly, at least at first, but they get progressively worse. Martin adds a box of ginger tea to their stash; Sasha keeps a giant bottle of paracetamol at her desk; Jon tries to reduce Tim’s workload as much as possible. Tim only accepts the first two. It worries Jon how hard Tim is throwing himself into the research, regardless of how much the others tell him he doesn’t have to make up for lost time. Even Jon Prime expresses concern, in a careful, hesitant way.

Martin Prime, on the other hand, is a lot less careful and a lot more blunt, telling Tim not to be a self-sacrificing idiot and to stop tearing himself apart trying to draw attention away from the others, because it won’t help anyone if he gets hurt, or worse. Tim laughs, but the look on his face and especially on Jon Prime’s face makes Jon hold onto Tim extra tightly that night.

In the long run, and even in the short run, it doesn’t help. Three weeks into November, Martin finds Tim crumpled in a ball on the floor in the depths of the shelves, clutching his temples and barely conscious. The mental image of Martin, pale and frightened, cradling Tim in his arms like an infant and striding across the Archives as if he weighs nothing isn’t going to leave Jon in a hurry. The doctor at the clinic can’t find any obvious cause for the headaches, but he recommends Tim go home and rest and Jon is only too happy to sign off on that.

He makes him stay home the next morning, too. Tim doesn’t argue, which tells Jon he probably really isn’t feeling all that great. He does promise to get rest, not strain his eyes, and definitely not go off on any unauthorized field trips—all of which Martin is very emphatic about. (Jon’s never actually seen Martin in full mother bear mode, and he decides it’s best for his sanity not to admit that he finds it weirdly attractive.) Martin makes him a cup of tea before they leave and reports, when he comes back to join Jon, that Tim’s fallen back asleep again.

The morning is fairly straightforward. Sasha and Martin work on their usual research work; Jon has a stack of statements to record. Mostly these days he only does the ones that are going to end up on the Discredited shelf, the ones he can record on his laptop, tending to leave the real ones for Jon Prime. Still, there are literally thousands of statements in the Archives, and Jon is prepared to bet even money that no more than ten percent of them are actually real. While that’s still probably enough to sustain both him and Jon Prime for the rest of their natural lives, even if they never get another live statement in, he does still have to record the others. He’d grumble about him and his stupid ideas if he didn’t now have seventeen months’ worth of examples of ideas far stupider than suggesting to his boss that he make audio recordings of the statements in the Archives, and not just his own.

Jon powers through about a dozen statements, narrating them into his laptop and supplementing with his team’s research. He’s just finishing a scathing indictment of a would-be writer who claims to have stayed in a cottage with a haunted lamp when the door cracks open and Martin pops his head in. He catches Jon’s eye and smiles, then waits until Jon signs off the recording before speaking. “Hey. Lunch?”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll do a couple more of these first.” Jon gestures to the rapidly-diminishing stack on the right side of his desk. “I’m on a roll.”

“Better than being on a sesame-seed bun. I’m going to call and check on Tim while I’m at it, unless you’d rather?”

“Go ahead. Ask him if he wants us to bring anything home tonight.” Jon offers Martin a smile. “Enjoy your lunch.”

Martin smiles back, his cheeks turning faintly pink. He nods and withdraws from Jon’s office.

Jon finishes two more digital statements and then pulls over the next one and begins to dictate it. Even before he gets done with the introduction, however, he can feel the static on his tongue and stops. Playback confirms his suspicion—this is a real one. Somehow, they missed it.

He skims the file. He remembers this one now—a claim of a still-living mummy in a tomb containing ancient dice and nothing else. Sasha, who, in her own words, “went through an Egyptology phase like every other girl in the nineties”, wrote out a list of every reason she could think of that the description of the tomb didn’t make sense. Even Tim’s charm wasn’t enough to get any help from the Egyptian government, and since all the names were fake except the statement giver’s, all Martin has been able to find out is that she’s currently training to be a teacher. Even with everything they know, it seems…unrealistic.

But as he flips a page over, it dislodges a sticky note from the back of the folder. Jon catches it as it flutters through the air. It’s Tim’s handwriting, and it glitters faintly, which makes Jon frown—not because he objects to glitter ink (although if they use it on anything official he doesn’t want to imagine what Elias will have to say), but because Tim’s only been using these pens for a couple of weeks, since he traded Charlie one of his old fountain pens for the pack. Which means Tim went back and added something recently.

Jon studies the note. The first words are scratched out, but the rest is easily legible: I think this one is real.

For a moment, Jon considers leaving the statement for Jon Prime to read, but he finds he can’t. Now that he’s started speaking it aloud, he has to finished. Damn it. With a sigh, he sets up the tape recorder, then checks to make sure his secondary recorder has a tape in it. He depresses the RECORD button on both and picks up the paper again.

“Statement of Donna Gwynne, regarding an unlicensed archaeological dig near the Red Sea in Egypt,” he begins.

He always sinks into the statements, at least when they’re real—which is good, because once he finishes, it’s hard for him to keep his contempt for Ms. Gwynne out of his voice as he dictates the results, such as they are, on the follow-up. Certainly he has no qualms admitting that he’s somewhat satisfied the woman is being forced into a job she’s stated repeatedly she hates the idea of.

“I feel anyone who brings me a statement about mummies deserves everything they get,” he concludes. “I’m just glad she doesn’t live in London. End recording.”

He presses the STOP button on both recorders, then hesitates. He started recording secondary back-up tapes after Michael’s visit, partly out of growing paranoia and partly so that he would have a record in case anything happened, and he’s never really stopped. He needs to let the others know about it, he just…hasn’t yet.

Sighing, he pops out the official tape and labels it, then sets it with the file before drawing the second recorder towards himself and pressing RECORD.

“Supplemental,” he says. “I’m…worried about Tim. His headaches have grown so severe over the last week that I actually had to make him stay home today. I’m sure they have something to do with these statements, with the research and all of it, but I don’t know how to prove it. And I don’t know why he’s looking into statements we’ve theoretically finished the research on. I’m…grateful, of course, that he spotted that this one was probably real, although I wish he’d left the note in a more obvious place, but I don’t know why he was even looking, let alone how he figured it out. There’s no supplemental research, no notes other than the single sticky note he put in the back. I can’t quite make out the first word, as it’s been heavily scratched out, except that it starts with a V or a W. The next two are also scratched out, but it’s a little easier to make out: The End, with a question mark. He wasn’t sure, but—of course, it’s fairly obvious. What else would mummies be? And there’s a parallel to—”

The door to his office opens abruptly, and a voice that does not belong to one of his assistants says, “Excuse me, do you have a moment?”

Jon almost topples his chair over backwards, despite the fact that the small part of his brain hanging onto rationality points out that an entity of fear likely wouldn’t be so (relatively) polite about interrupting him. A second later, the rest of his brain catches onto the magenta-tipped brown asymmetrical pixie cut, the string of black stars dangling from one ear, and the expression that manages to be somehow disdainful, sheepish, and concerned all at the same time.

“Miss King—uh—how did you get in here?” he manages, hoping he doesn’t sound like she almost gave him a heart attack.

“Sasha let me in.” Melanie King steps fully into his office and lets the door close behind her. “Are you all right?”

“Hmm? Sorry?” Jon tries to look nonchalant as he shuffles Ms. Gwynne’s statement to the bottom of the stack.

“You look like hell,” Melanie tells him.

“It’s been a rough few months.” Jon feels his old prickliness rising up in him, feels the need to puff up and bluster, but then he stops, collects himself, and really looks at Melanie. There’s a slump to her shoulders, a weariness in her bearing, and dark circles like bruises under her eyes, which look…well, haunted. “And if I look like hell, you must be in a far lower circle than I am. Are you all right?”

Melanie seems surprised that he asked, which, fair enough. “Fine. I—um—I actually need your help.”

Dread creeps up Jon’s spine, but all he says is, “Interesting.”

“All right, can you not be an arsehole about it?” Melanie snaps, visibly bristling. “I just need access to your library.”

“So talk to Diana. She runs the place,” Jon points out.

“Yeah, I don’t exactly have the academic credentials you guys demand, so apparently I need someone to vouch for me,” Melanie says. Jon sighs in annoyance, not at Melanie or her tone, but at the generations of stuffy, upper-class white men who equate university degrees with value. “And you’re basically the closest thing I have to a friend here.”

Jon can’t help but laugh at that. “We’ve spoken once, and we ended up screaming at each other—”

“Yes! And that’s more than I have with anyone else here.” Melanie tugs at her hair in frustration, hard enough that Jon’s afraid she might actually yank it out of her scalp by the roots. “Also, uh, Georgie actually has some nice things to say about you. That came as a surprise. You didn’t even tell me you knew her.”

It surprises Jon, too, enough that he blurts out the honest truth without thinking. “It was a long time ago—before she started doing What the Ghost. I didn’t think she would have anything nice to say about me, to be honest. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms.”

Melanie hums skeptically at him. Jon almost tells her everything, but catches himself. “Look, what exactly do you need from us, anyway? Can’t your showbiz friends help you?”

“No,” Melanie snaps. “I’m, uh—most of them won’t talk to me anymore.”

“What happened? Did word get round you’d talked to us ‘credulous idiots’?”

“Not exactly. In my business, your reputation is all that you have. The industry is full of skeptics pretending to be believers pretending to be skeptics.”

Jon almost snipes at her that the word she wants is charlatans, but one look at her expression and his heart isn’t in it anymore. He thinks about the Primes’ description of her as an Archival assistant, the “painting” from Martin Prime’s statement about his journey back in time, the slightly wistful look in Jon Prime’s eye when he talked about her resignation. And then he looks at her now, determined and angry and despairing all at once, and he resolves, then and there, not to ever let her get to that point.

He’s the closest thing she has to a friend? Fair enough. They’re going to get closer to that even if he has to do all the work himself.

“And none of them are helpful,” he guesses.

Melanie starts to bristle at him, then sighs heavily. “Look, Ghost Hunt UK split up. I mean, not formally, but, you know, Pete was always a flake, and the others just…drifted away.”

“I’m sorry,” Jon says, as gently as he can. “I did notice you weren’t updating anymore.” It’s a bit of a white lie—the Primes told him that—but she doesn’t need to know, not now.

Melanie continues, rambling a bit about her attempts to get a new crew together, then her solo expeditions ending in disaster. Jon can’t help the noise of shock and concern that slips out of his throat when she mentions getting arrested; she evidently takes it as interest and gives him the whole story. “After that…”

“Your reputation went with it,” Jon concludes.

Melanie looks away. The set of her jaw suggests she’s trying to hang onto her resentment, but also trying not to cry. “Yes,” she says tightly. “Look, I have leads that I really need to follow up on, and as far as my colleagues are concerned these days, I’m the ghost.”

Jon nods. “All right. Come on, then.”

Melanie looks back at him, obviously startled. “What?”

“Come on,” Jon repeats. “I’ll take you up to the library and vouch for you. If all else fails, I can claim we’re borrowing you as an adjunct for a few weeks or something. U-unless you’d rather wait?”

“Oh,” Melanie says, sounding taken aback. “No, the sooner the better. I—just expected a bit more of a fight, to be honest.”

“Yes, well, I know what it’s like to be itching to follow up on a lead and have your every effort frustrated. And I believe I owe you for being…dismissive of you before.” Jon suddenly realizes he hasn’t turned off his tape recorder. “Uh, end supplemental.” He presses the STOP button and stows the recorder in his desk, then gestures for Melanie to head out of the office.

Martin is just hanging his jacket on the back of his chair when they emerge; he looks up and offers Jon a slight smile, which freezes when he sees Melanie. “Uh…heading to lunch?”

“Eventually, but I’m going to see if I can convince Diana to let Miss King here use the library,” Jon tells him. “Unless you’d rather.”

Martin laughs nervously. “That would have the opposite effect, trust me. Besides, I, uh, talked to Tim.”

Jon bites back the hot words he wants to unleash in Diana’s direction. “How is he?”

“Fine, he says, and I believe him, but he asked if I would—” Martin hesitates for no more than a split second, then flicks a finger very quickly in the direction of the trapdoor “—run something down for him?”

In other words, Tim has a question he thinks the Primes can answer. Jon nods slowly. “All right. Just be…cautious. I don’t want a repeat of last month’s incident.”

Martin shakes his head vigorously. “Nope. No incidents. Nope. I’ll be back up before you get back from lunch.”

“Right.” Jon offers Martin a warm smile, which Martin returns, before leading Melanie over to the stairs.

Melanie, for a wonder, stays silent until they’re back up on the main floor, then says, “Does ‘last month’s incident’ have anything to do with all those scars he’s got?”

Jon bristles at the implied criticism of Martin’s appearance. “Those are months old. Did you not see the worms when you were here last time? We had an…infestation. It came to a head a couple weeks after your last visit. He was badly injured.” His voice shakes slightly as he says it. Even close to seven months later, he still has trouble sometimes shaking the memories of the black terror of that night.

“I’m sorry.” Melanie actually seems to mean it. “He seems all right now, though.”

“As I said, it was some time ago and he’s had time to heal. Last month’s incident was…it didn’t leave physical scars, but one of my other assistants looked into something he oughtn’t have.” Jon pauses. They’re just rounding the landing towards the first floor—the library actually spans the entire height of the building, save the basement, but for reasons he’s never understood the only way in or out is in the middle—and it’s deserted this time of day. Sound has a way of carrying, but they should be safe enough here if he speaks honestly, as long as he keeps his voice down. “He ran into your Sarah Baldwin.”

Melanie stiffens, but when she speaks, she manages to sound derisive. “You were just looking into my statement?”

“I contacted you when we initially did the research,” Jon reminds her. She grunts, either in acknowledgment or impatience. “This was a completely unrelated incident. I told you, I owe you for being dismissive before. You were right.”

“I wish I was recording this.”

“All right, no need to be—” Jon checks his temper. “Look. She’s dangerous. Or at least she belongs to something dangerous. You were extremely lucky to walk away in one piece.”

Something in Melanie’s face shifts. “Related to…whatever was at the CMH?”

“I—I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think they’re separate, but…there were things we know now that we didn’t know then. We may have to revisit your case.”

“Just so you don’t ask me more questions. I’m still having nightmares about it.” Melanie shoots him a glare. “You’re in them now, too, so thanks for that.”

Jon winces. “Ah…yes. I didn’t know about that at the time, either. I suppose I owe you an apology.”

“What?”

“Look, do you want to do the library today, or come back to the Archives and interrogate me? I can explain more, but it’s not something I want to do on the stairwell,” Jon says impatiently. Elias Bouchard’s office is on the first floor as well, and the last thing he wants is Elias actually listening to this conversation.

Melanie stares at him for a minute, then sighs. “Library. The less I have to talk to you, the better.”

Which is fair enough, Jon supposes. “All right, then. This way.”

Rosie’s office, door open, is just at the top of the stairs; from the way she peers over her computer monitor at them, Jon guesses she at least heard their voices, if not what they were actually saying. Melanie glances over her shoulder as they pass. “Why is she staring at us?”

“That’s Rosie.” Just about anyone who has reason to pass her door calls her “Nosy Rosie”, actually, but Jon isn’t going to mention that in earshot; despite all appearances, he’s not a complete arse. “She’s Elias Bouchard’s personal assistant. It…behooves her to keep her finger on the Institute’s pulse, I suppose.”

“She’s a snoop, in other words.”

Jon can’t help a small, humorless chuckle. “Aren’t we all.”

Between the door to Elias’s office and the library, at the end of the corridor, there’s a room with an incredibly solid door, firmly shut. It’s one of only two interior doors original to the Institute, the other being the library’s, and as such it’s windowless. It’s also unlabeled. Melanie eyeballs it. “What’s in there?”

“Artifact Storage.”

“So…what, haunted dolls, cursed music boxes, weapons belonging to serial killers…”

Jon stops and shoots Melanie a look. She shrugs, completely unrepentant. “All right, so I’m curious. Sue me. Not like I’m going to ask to go in.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t let you,” Jon tells her firmly. “It’s not a museum. It’s more of a…science lab, I suppose. They keep artifacts in there, yes, but they also study them, attempt to replicate their effects or discover why they do things.”

“Hmm.” Melanie studies the door for a second. Jon’s about a step away from grabbing her by the elbow and dragging her away when she falls into step with him. “You go in there a lot, do you?”

“Not if I can help it.” Jon leads Melanie to the end of the hall and the ornate double doors of the library, then pushes one open and ushers her inside.

Melanie’s jaw drops, which is the usual reaction among employees seeing it for the first time, from what Jon’s been told and what little he’s experienced. Three stories high, with balconies ringing the upper two, it’s near floor-to-ceiling shelves, every one packed with books. Tables and chairs litter the ground floor, and here and there on the upper levels are smaller rooms for private study. A bored-looking junior clerk sits behind a curved, ornate wooden desk with her back to the dizzying drop, filing her nails; elsewhere, other library assistants sort, stack, and shelve books from carts and precarious stacks.

“I always thought it looked like the library from Beauty and the Beast,” Jon admits in a low voice. From the startled look Melanie shoots him, she was thinking the same thing. “Come on. I’ll try and track down Diana.”

“What can I do for you?”

Jon and Melanie both jump at the boisterous, barely-contained voice from behind them. Whirling around, Jon takes a deep, steadying breath. “Diana. I…didn’t see you there.”

“That’s unusual.” Diana smiles—almost leers—down at Jon. In height and in breadth, she can give Martin a run for his money, and she towers over the two of them. Melanie nips smartly behind Jon, and he throws her a look. “What can I do for you? New assistant?”

“Ah—no. Diana Caxton, Melanie King.”

“The ghost hunter?” Diana raises one impeccably sculpted eyebrow almost into her hairline.

“Y-yes,” Melanie manages to choke out.

Jon takes a half-step back so he isn’t looking up Diana’s nose. “Miss King needs to use the library for some research. I know she’s not the…usual student type, but I’m willing to vouch for her seriousness, as well as her right to be here. I’m certain she will treat the books with the respect and care they deserve. And the subject matter, of course.”

Diana’s eyebrow raises higher. “You’re not going to put this in your show, are you?”

She says this at a normal volume, and a number of nearby heads snap towards them. Jon fights the instinctive urge to shrink into himself and hide. Melanie, on the other hand, folds her arms over her chest and manages to meet Diana’s eyes. “No, ma’am. I just need to follow up on some leads to make sure I’m informed enough on my end to go places safely.”

She’s lying. Jon knows intuitively she’s lying, but he keeps his face carefully blank. Diana studies Melanie from her great height, then finally nods. “Have to run it by Mr. Bouchard first, but I’m sure he’ll agree. I’ll have a ninety-day pass set up for you at the front desk. Come by tomorrow morning and we’ll get you started.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Oh, Jon,” Diana says as Jon starts to turn away and lead Melanie back to the front. “Do tell Martin hello, will you? I hope he brightens your Archives as much as he brightened our library. We miss his smiling face up here. Tell him he’s welcome any time.”

“I—of course,” Jon says, not sure what else to say.

Melanie waits until they hit the landing to ask in an undertone, “Is Martin the one who said—?”

“Yes,” Jon says shortly. He’s going to have a talk with Martin about his self-esteem issues, not that he can really be throwing stones. But Diana seemed to genuinely mean it.

He bids Melanie farewell at the front door, then ducks into the canteen to grab a sandwich before heading down to the Archives again. Sasha’s there, making herself a cup of tea. She looks up and smiles when she sees Jon, but her expression turns puzzled. “Hi. I thought you’d be at lunch with Martin or something.”

“He’s…running something down for Tim,” Jon says carefully. Worry churns at his gut.

Before Sasha can respond, though, the trapdoor opens and Martin comes out. His face is pale and he looks shaken, which doesn’t help Jon’s worry. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. I don’t know.” Martin carefully shuts the door and comes back over. “Tell you later.”

They don’t say anything else about it. Not then. But at the end of the day when they lock up the Archives, Sasha loops one arm through Jon’s and the other through Martin’s. “Mind if I invite myself over?”

“Yes, we can’t stand you and we’re thoroughly glad to get rid of you at the end of the day,” Jon deadpans, eliciting a tiny smile out of her. “Thank God you don’t live with us or we’d be constantly miserable. Oh—Martin, I forgot to ask, did Tim want us to bring anything home?”

“He said he’d put in an order at that takeaway place for us to pick up on the way.” Martin’s voice is unusually soft, and it makes Jon’s worry compound.

Tim looks a lot better when they get in the door, white boxes in hand. He greets them with a smile, which vanishes instantly when he sees Martin. “Oh, God, what? What happened? What is it?”

Martin shrugs out of his jacket. “Well, I asked them.”

“And?” Tim prompts, voice full of dread.

Martin sighs. “And they didn’t know.”

Tim blinks. “What?”

“They didn’t know. Had no idea what I was talking about. I’ve never seen Jon Prime look that confused.” Martin reaches for Sasha’s jacket, but she takes his instead and hangs them both up. “They were considering coming over tonight, but Martin Prime thought you might want to talk to us first.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s…probably not a bad idea.” Tim runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

“Let’s eat. Then you can explain,” Sasha suggests.

Dinner is largely silent, except for the scrape of fork on plate. Jon does explain the purpose of Melanie’s visit to the others, and Martin frowns slightly when he repeats Diana’s words, but doesn’t say anything. Once they’ve all eaten and cleaned up, they head back into the living room to talk.

Tim sits on the edge of the loveseat, elbows resting on his thighs and hands clasped beneath his chin. “Where do we start?”

Sasha nudges Martin’s ankle with her foot. “What were you asking the Primes about?”

“Tim told me to ask them about ‘the color of fears’,” Martin replies. “They didn’t know what I meant. I didn’t know what I meant, except…” He looks up at Tim. “Except I think it has to do with your headaches.”

“It does,” Tim confirms. He takes a deep breath. “It’s…something I’ve been noticing lately. Since the Trophy Room, really. When I was there…when Daniel Rawlings looked me in the eye? His eyes were glowing. Like there was a light inside them. Right proper spooky. And when I got back to the Archives that day…I thought you’d put special bulbs in or something, at first, but I blinked and it went away. Then I was talking to you, Jon, and your eyes were glowing, too.”

“My what?” Jon touches the corner of his eye gingerly, like he can feel the luminescence.

Tim manages a small grin. “It’s not…it went away when I blinked, too, and I thought I was just imagining things. But it’s been getting…worse. Random flashes at first, but when the exterminator came in…he glowed for a second, too. After I sat in on that, it started getting stronger.”

“Hence the headaches,” Jon says. “Tim, why didn’t you—”

“I wasn’t sure. And…well, I wanted to experiment a bit. Because, see, here’s the thing. Rawlings’ eyes—when they glowed, they were this deep indigo, but the Archives, and your eyes and Sasha’s—and Martin’s lips once or twice—they glowed green. The exterminator was kind of green, too, but it was kind of a greenish-yellow, really, and the next day I—” Tim flushes and looks up at Martin. “I was watching you, and—your scars started glowing. Same color as the exterminator did, but your mouth was still the darker green, it’s how I could tell they were different colors. So…I started thinking, maybe that meant something?”

“Oh, God,” Martin says softly. “The marks.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking,” Tim says. “I—I’ve been sort of trying with some of the statements. It’s hard to see with them, really, because everything in the Archives glows green just about, and if I try too hard I get the headaches. But sometimes I could…pick out different colors in them, kind of. Sort of. Mostly. I-I thought maybe if I could look at them and see the fears’ marks…”

“You’d know which ones were real,” Jon completes. Tim nods. “You still shouldn’t have done that without telling us.”

“I know. Especially…well, I thought I could handle it. I’ve been getting better at only seeing them when I try to, and I thought I’d—give it a shot. I walked back into the shelves yesterday and just…let loose with my eyes. I tried to See what was on the couple of shelves nearest.” Tim sighs heavily. “But it was—it was overwhelming. There was just so much. It was like—like standing in the middle of a room made out of mirrors, and someone was shining all sorts of different colored lasers at them, and they were just bouncing off and refracting and amplifying and going everywhere. Like I was drowning in color, or like it was screaming at me. I can’t really explain it, but it was too much and, well, that’s when you found me.”

Martin exhales heavily. “Christ, Tim, that scared the hell out of me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried that without warning you all. I-I really didn’t think it would be that bad.”

Jon bites his lip. “Is that how you knew—that statement, Ms. Gwynne’s, about the mummy?”

Sasha frowns. “The one that reads like the plot of a knockoff of a Brendan Fraser film?”

“Yes. I went to record it today and—it came out distorted. I didn’t see the note until after I realized it didn’t work on the laptop, but…Tim thought it might be real.”

Tim nods. “Yeah. I looked back over some of them. Started off with the ones we knew were real, and then I started looking at a couple that we weren’t sure of. That one…I wasn’t sure, but I think it’s the End?”

“Makes sense. Mummies. Death,” Martin murmurs.

“It was white. I mean—when I looked at it hard enough, it glowed white. Or at least I think it did,” Tim says. “Made the green kind of…pale, anyway. The other ones we’ve marked as being Terminus statements were the same color. But the problem is that the green of the Eye is so strong, it’s hard to really be sure what other colors there are, except if I’m looking at a person who’s been marked. That’s why I was asking about the color of fears. I-I was kind of hoping the Primes would be able to confirm what I’m thinking, but—”

“But they had no idea,” Martin completes. “Which means that, unless I just explained it very badly, Jon Prime can’t see those colors. Can’t see the marks.”

Jon rubs his temples. “I suppose it’s good to know that I don’t have to consider that, but…why? Why can you see the marks when the rest of us can’t?”

Sasha gets a faraway look in her eyes, and there’s a faint sound of static as she says, “Because that’s what’s important to Tim. Knowing when danger is coming, what danger is coming. You said yourself, Tim, you’re going to help and you’re going to do whatever you can to protect us. The Eye gave you the ability to Know what entities are around, or have got hold of someone or something, because it knows you’ll lean into that and use it for good as long as you can, up until it’s got a tight enough hold on you that you can’t get away, even if you want to.” She blinks hard, and the static fades as she puts a hand over her mouth. “Oh—oh, God, sorry, I—”

“It’s fine.” Tim manages a smile for her, but there’s a look of distress in his eyes. “It’s good to know.”

Jon’s distressed, too. “Tim you should have told us. Jon Prime’s been working with us on control, if we’d known you had powers already we’d have—he should be helping you, too. You can’t—” He takes a deep breath. “Promise me you won’t keep this sort of thing to yourself anymore.”

Tim reaches over and squeezes Jon’s hand. “I promise. No more unauthorized research, of any kind. I won’t even check books out of the library without telling you what I’m after first.”

“I appreciate that.” Jon smiles and squeezes Tim’s hand back. “Now then. Someone get a notebook and pen. We need to write down as much of this as we can.”

#ollie writes fanfic #leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall) #tma #the magnus archives #oof sorry this one's so late today guys

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 16

a/n: this felt good to write. It feels like a natural progression. it’s a lot of y/n and a lot of internal reflection. I hope you like that. I hope that it’s worth it in the end. I really tried to do them justice. 

Warnings: some really sad, angst smut. some internal reflection on past traumas. mentions of alcoholism. 

*y/n point of view*

“W--What?” He whispered. “Wait, what?”

“Shawn I--”

“Not right now! I just need a minute okay?!”

You listen to him to shuffle around probably in order to find a place to be alone. This definitely isn’t how you thought about telling the news. In fact you weren’t quite sure you’d ever share it with him at first. But, now he’s here offering you everything you ever wanted...at least up until twenty-four hours ago. And you can’t help but feel like it’s too late.

“Listen, I know I fucked up. I know I fucked up worse than anyone ever could but...we’re us! I can’t even imagine us not finding our way back to each other. There’s so much for us to talk about, and I have so much to make up for...Just let me come home and we can talk and--”

“There is no home anymore.” You interject.

You can hear his heart accelerating. This was usually the point where you reached for his hands to still them. He just happens to be on a different continent at the moment.

“Y/n what are you saying? Of course there is. We’re neighbors. We--We have each other’s keys.”

“I’m moving out of my apartment.” You blurted.

“You’re moving?” He gasped, voice a little shallower, a little more wet. “Honey you--you don’t need to do that. Please, don’t do that.  I know that I hurt you and I’m so unbelievably--”

“It’s not about you. Well, I guess maybe it kind of is, but not like that. Gina offered me a six month sabbatical. She’s gonna let me keep my salary, and I basically just get to travel the world I guess? Do some soul searching? I don’t know I’ve never really gone to many places besides Canada. Till I met you. This is my chance. To get a clean break, to figure out who the hell I want to be.”

You know it sounds like it’s a clean break from him, but it really isn’t. Or maybe it is. There’s far too many details for you to have it all figured out.

“That is...That’s so beautiful. I’m happy for you. It’s uh--it’s what you deserve.” He mumbled. “What does that mean then. For you and me.”

Wasn’t that the million dollar question?

“I think it means that...I’m gonna do my thing, and you’re gonna do yours.”

It sounded so much easier said than done. It sounded as if you hadn’t spent the past month crying over him, like your whole world hadn’t shattered the moment he left you.

“But I--I haven’t been able to breathe since you left.”

There’s a small part of you that finds comfort in his struggle. Not maliciously. But the break up had killed you in a way that no other moment in your life had ever quite accomplished. You felt like a little kid again, when everything that happened was the most important thing to ever happen. Shawn had made you feel like the world could be so much better than you ever thought. He had made you feel happy and special and important and sexy and everything that only you had been able to make yourself feel so long. And when he was gone, all of your training on how to do it yourself was gone. You felt shallow. Lost. Broken. Knowing that it might be possible that he felt the same way made you feel a little less crazy, if only a little.

“I wish that I could allow that to matter right now. I want that to matter but...I don’t think it’s healthy for me to put you first right now. And I don’t think it’s healthy for you to do it either.”

“But you’re...you’re my best friend. I love you so much.” He sniffled.

You closed your eyes as the tears found their way to you again. It’d been weeks and still you couldn’t control it.

“I love you too.” You sighed through the tears. “But maybe we need to learn how to do it on our own for a little while. Maybe that’s what you wanted when you left me and you just didn’t know how to say it.”

He’s silent for a long time. And you don’t know what to say so you stay silent too. It still hurts. There’s still a festering deep inside that you don’t know what to do with. And you don’t want to hate him because he means too much for that. So all you can do is hope and pray that he lets you do this, because it might be the only way to salvage your memories of him.

“Can I ask you something?” Shawn asked, voice soft and withdrawn.

You nodded as if he could see you.

“Yea.”

“Did you take your necklace off?”

It feels left field at first. You peer down at your neck where the swallow still is, and you think maybe you know what he’s getting at.

“No, I didn’t.”

He took a deep breath and let it go, voice a little lighter.

“Okay. Okay, if this is what you need then of course. I’d be a piece of shit to try and stop you. Whenever you’re ready just come find me. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

“Shawn what if--”

He interrupts you this time. “I’ll wait as long as you need, y/n. You’re all I’ve got to wait for.”

It’s final. He’s not willing to discuss it, and a part of you can’t help but want the security of hoping that he’ll still be there no matter what.

“Just don’t...don’t cancel your fucking tour idiot.” You huff. “You love music more than anything.”

“Not quite.” He admitted softly. “Not anymore.”

There’s another weighted silence between the two of them. Another round of having so many things that you want to say to someone, and there just not being enough time.

“I’m gonna go now. Congrats on the show tonight...you looked good.”

You can practically feel him smile. “You watched it?”

“I did. Good night, Shawn.”

“Good night, y/n.”

***

The first place that you fly to is coincidentally Italy. After a little research, it seemed to be a good time of year, less touristy, and you actually had some pretty good flyer miles after all the trips to see Shawn. You rent a small little place on airbnb near the water and it’s literally just you, just you and yourself and no one else. Sure, it wasn’t that different than life before your relationship, but in the aftermath of the break up it felt like a completely foreign concept. You woke up and the day was yours. There were no projects, no phone calls to be made, no marketing meetings or logistics. The most complicated part of your day was whether or not you were going to go down to the beach in a bikini or not. The answer was, abso-fucking-lutely you were.

There’s sunshine and warmth and so much fucking food everywhere. And you’re alone. And that’s okay. It needs to be.

At first it’s all about filling your day with things. You try out five different restaurants, go to three bars, and find a place to get gelato in between. All in one day. You post pictures on instagram with your tits out on full display in a bikini that was sure to make the masses upset, and you just didn’t care. You weren’t doing it for anyone, but yourself. It was your body and your happiness and you were responsible for both. At the end of the day you’d get back to the villa and pass out immediately. But, it meant you weren’t thinking, weren’t reveling, weren’t hurting. Or, so you thought.

You visit Rome, Venice, Florence, and Milan. You’re sitting on another beach somewhere with your toes in the sand and your body wet and warm on a towel when your phone starts to vibrate.

Shawn: Can we talk right now? Need to tell you something.

y/n: I suppose so.

“Hi.” He murmured softly.

And there it was. That thing in your tummy, whether it was a tightening of the muscles, or a flipping of your internal organs. It was a feeling that no one but him could ever make you feel with such ease.

“Hi.”

“You’re in Italy.” He noted. “It looks beautiful. I’ve always wanted to vacation there sometime.”

“How’d you know?”

“Oh you uh...your insta. All the pictures of the--the you know, sites and what not.”

You snorted and let your head nestle back into the comfort of your towel.

“Yes the sites. Surely this has nothing to do with the bikini pic I posted this morning.”

“Bikini, aye? No I guess I missed that one. Must be the timezones. I’m sure you look incredible though. Probably even breathtaking if I were to see it. Which, I have not yet.”

It is incredible how easy it is for the two of you. How quickly you can just fall into that comfort. He had really become your best friend more than anything, more than a lover even. When shit happened to you whether it was good or bad, you could never think of anyone else to talk to. Shawn was always your person. And that’s a hard habit to break.

“Okay big guy, why don’t you tell me what it is you need from me.”

“Right. Well I uh I’ve been writing a lot lately. And uhm, it’s been really helping me in terms of getting through the tour and trying to reestablish some of the passion that I felt like I lost.”

“Well that’s great. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Sure, I guess. Thank you. The uh label wants to do a few releases while I’m on tour. The way music is being released in the digital spotify age now is so incredibly competitive that artists are kind of heading in the direction of having singles between albums.We can thank Ariana for that.”

You smiled softly. “I’m sure there’s a point in here somewhere.”

“Yes. It’s just that...all the songs that I’ve written are completely and totally about you and for you. And I know you’re in Italy and you might be going somewhere else soon, but I didn’t want the first time you here these lyrics to be on the radio somewhere. I wanted it to be because I shared them with you.If you’re willing. If you want to hear them.”

It’s a lot to ask, which definitely explains him wanting to call. In all of your time traveling you had yet to actually sit down and think through some of the hurt that Shawn had left you with. You hadn’t even begun to touch the whole, “is he the one thing”. The fear was that by listening to these songs it might set you back in your healing, in your ability to move on. If that was in fact what you were doing.

“I--I don’t know. Are they sad?” You mumbled.

He chuckled. “Well, If I Can’t Have You was originally a ballad with a super dramatic piano. I think I might have played it that night I called you? It was a lot sadder then. Teddy helped turn into what I’m being told is a ‘summer bop’. I’ve got both versions if you want to hear them”

“Will either of them help me understand you more?”

The real question of course being was it ever going to explain how he could be supposedly in love with her, and then drop her like a bad habit all at once.

He paused. “I’ll answer any question you have, honey. You know that.”

Yea. No thanks.

“‘M not ready.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s okay. I can be okay with that.How about I send you the files in an email and you just...just listen whenever you want. If you want. I’ll send you the release dates too.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Well uh… I guess that’s all I had to say.”

“Goodbye Shawn.”

You tossed your phone into your beach bag and close your eyes stubbornly. You really needed to get him off your mind.

***

Your birthday finds you getting a deep tissue massage that is the most action you’ve gotten since leaving for the damn trip. It’s an insignificant birthday and you had been traveling so much that it doesn’t feel all that special in the grand scheme of things. You reply to the birthday texts. Do a facetime call with Stu so he knows you’re still alive. You get day drunk and walk through old cobble stoned streans looking at beautiful buildings and not having to say a word to anyone, because they wouldn’t even understand you if you tried. It’s lovely. Shawn doesn’t call and it’s fine. You’re fine.

There’s a beautiful restaurant that sits on the edge of a hill right where the sun melts into the earth as it sets. You feel oddly at peace as you eat, your sixth glass of wine from the day twirling in your fingers when your phone goes off.

Shawn: Hey?

y/n: Yea?

Shawn: I just wanted to say happy birthday. I planned on calling but I think you’re like 10 hours ahead of me right now and I’m stuck on vocal rest. I also didn’t really know if you’d want me to.

It soothes a broken part of you that thought that he’d forgotten. After All you’d never actually gotten to spend a birthday with him since you’d met in the fall. A part of you wants to cry a little bit, but you’re not drunk enough to be that honest with yourself.

y/n: No worries. You don’t owe me anything.

Shawn: Yea, well I never needed to owe you anything, I just always wanted to give you everything. I’m sorry we’re not spending this day together. It would’ve meant a lot to me to celebrate you.

y/n: yea. Probably would’ve been fun. We always knew how to party.

Shawn: I got you a present months ago but I can’t send it to your apartment anymore obviously, and I didn’t know what part of the world you would be in. Maybe you’ll let me give it to you someday.

He sends you a picture of this book. It’s got no words on the front, just a pretty smooth cover. It isn’t until he describes it to you that your whole world falls apart. He’d somehow managed to scrape together the recipe for every single thing you’d ever made together, or for him, and had someone make it into an actual book. It was literally a story of your relationship and your love through the thing that mattered to you most. He had left some empty pages in the hope that you would continue it together. And that just stung worse than anything.

The waiter sends you a very worried glance as you begin to sob over your pasta. But really, what else was the alternative? What other result could there have been?

Y/n: well shit Shawn. That’s really fucking sweet. I’m sobbing over my bolognese.

Shawn: I never wanted to make you cry. I’ve only ever wanted to make you happy. I love you. I know it’s not fair right now. But it’s my truth.

Y/n: I know, Shawn. I know.

Shawn: I didn’t mean to mess with you on your birthday. We can talk another time. Just have fun alright? Buy a round on me okay?

Y/n: I’ll do my best. Bye Shawn.

Shawn: Bye.

He venmos you enough to buy a round for a whole damn bar. You try not to think about how much it hurts when you find a place to take a shot. You try not to think about him at all.

***

You’re drunk. You’re in a foriegn city that is so beautiful it hurts and your body is full of alcohol. You kind of want a french fry. There’s man on the dance floor who’s been eyeing you all night and it hasn’t even occurred to you to give him the time of day. Even now, right now, if it weren’t for how good the music was you probably would’ve gone home. But instead you let him buy you a drink. And you let him take you on the dance floor. He’s good with his hips and he’s good at manipulating your body. It’s fun.

You’re wearing a dress that stops mid thigh and he tugs at the fabric as you grind to the beat. You’re not sure where the cut off is, where it goes from being dancing and fun to this level of discomfort. Perhaps it’s when your mind sends you an image of Shawn at New Year’s doing the cabbage patch for you. Perhaps it was the reminder than no one but Shawn had touched your body in months, and that you have been so fucking okay with that fact. For whatever reason you pull away from the guy and stumble home with tears of frustration, bitterness, and a little hurt in your eyes. You’re still not processing. You’re deflecting.

In your bed that night you can’t help but reach for the phone, your fingers doing things that a sober you hopefully would’ve known better about. But in the moment your fingers are tugging at this thong that Shawn had pulled off with his teeth once and when it comes to wanting and longing, he’s the only one that you can find yourself reaching for.

“Y/n? Sweetheart it’s two oclock in the morning.” Shawn groaned across the line. “What’s wrong?”

You peer over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Wherever he is, you’re in the same time zone oddly enough. Maybe it was fate instead of a stupid ass drunken decision.

“I can’t fuck anyone else.” You mumbled.

“I’m sorry?”

“I can’t...I can’t even think about the prospect of sex without your big fucking head in the picture.”

You giggle a little to yourself fingers probing gently at your entrance. He was silent for a long while, long enough for your drunk mind to startle when he finally speaks.

“Were you...was there someone?” He asks quietly.

You roll your eyes up at the ceiling. “No. Just some guy I danced with for a song or two.I don't even remember what he looked like.”

He takes a deep breath and you wonder aimlessly what the hell you would do if he fucked someone else. How that might make you feel. You’d rather just fuck him instead.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve been drinking. Are you somewhere safe?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

“I’m in my hotel room, honey. It’s the middle of the night.”

Men. So naive.

“I miss you.” You hinted.

“I miss you too, y/n. So much.”

Your thighs clenched in agitation and you huffed up at the ceiling.

“No Shawn. I miss you. Please try to keep up here.”

It takes him a minute.

“Oh...oh. I don’t know about that. You’ve been drinking.”

“Have you ever known me to do something that I don’t want to do?” You asked him. “I’m consenting, Shawn.”

“I--I know I just...I don’t want you to ever regret us. Or anything that we’ve done. I’ve made such a mess of things, y/n. And I really, really want to be able to fix them. I love you.”

You’re not exactly in a talking mood. This isn’t about anything more than the fact that you need to get off and for whatever horrid reason, he’s the only one you can do that with. There’s still something ugly and mean in your heart. And you’ve not yet reached a place where anything positive is going to come out of this.

“Look, this is a virtual booty call. Nothing more, nothing less. Either you can do the one thing that you’ve never hurt me with, or I can go to bed a little frustrated. It’s up to you.”

It’s manipulative. You’re tapping into his incessant need to make you happy, and also into this very wounded part of himself that knew that he’d failed you, knew that he’d done something wrong. None of this is healthy. None of this is okay. But you don’t care. You just want to get off, and yea maybe you wouldn’t mind if it hurt him a little bit too.

“Okay. Okay, what do you want me to do?” He whispered.

“I want you to touch yourself.” You hum fingers dipping into your core where you’re already wet and needy. “Just like I am.”

There’s something about it being something that you’ve never done before that makes it feel not as wrong. Shawn was a little skittish about saving anything to his phone, so sexting and phone sex had never gone on the table. Tonight you’re just tapping into the ability to make each other feel something, to make each other reach heights that no one else can.

“I miss stroking you,” You admit softly.

He sighed. “Really?”

“Yea. You always get hard so quickly for me. I just have to trace my finger over that one vein and your thigh always twitches. Is it twitching now?”

His voice is a little lighter.

“Y--Yea.”

“Do you miss my mouth on you?”

��God, y/n. Of course I do. No one’s ever sucked me off like you before. You take me so good.”

You bite your lip to stifle the moans and it’s only because he’s not there to make you be loud, to tug at your lip with his thumb as he pounds you. But then you remember the reason he’s not there and it’s like starting all over again.

“Want you to touch me.” you mumbled trying to clear your mind. “What would you do?”

Shawn at first glance was the adorable puppy dog type. That surely didn’t translate to the bedroom. He had said some of the filthiest things to you with a single curl hanger over his eye and no one, not even his fans who seemed to know where he was at every waking moment, was around to witness it. Even now, with all of the distance--both physical and emotional--between you, he can still get you going immediately.

“I guess I’d just want to eat you out. I love the way that you taste. And the way you always coat my mouth with your juices. I just...fucking love pleasing you. Nothing gets me harder than when you grind against my face and make yourself cum.”

Your back arches and you groan out into your hotel room.

“God when you bump your nose against my clit, it drives me crazy. And when you suck on my thighs?”

“Fuck. Love marking you up. I miss the way you cry out for me when I make you squirt. Have you squirted since we made love last?”

You bit your lip an upset feeling hitting your stomach that you couldn’t rationalize, couldn’t understand. So you just tried to make it go away.

“No. No one makes me squirt like you.”

“Miss you.” He whined, voice breathy and desperate. “Miss the way you clench around me when I’m inside you.”

Your fingers speed up on your clit, your hips buck a little bit. He’s getting you there already and it’s wild.

“Fuck, Shawn!”

“Are you close?”

“Mhm. Are you?”

“Yea. Fuck baby I wish you were here.”

“Shut up. Not now. Just make me cum.”

Your words both turn to pants as you grunt and cry out for one another. Your orgasm builds in your toes and ripples through your entire body. It’s the first orgasm you’ve had since Amsterdam. For a moment it’s just the two of you trying to catch your breath. You’re drunker than you were an hour ago. There’s no doubt. He makes you fucking crazy.

“Y/n...What was that?” Shawn mumbled.

“I don’t know. I--I don’t know. I gotta go. Good night.”

***

There’s a bad taste in your mouth when you wake up the next day. Part of it is whatever the hell you drank the night before, which was quite frankly a little hazy. But, there’s something else there too. And you’re not even sure what it is at first. You’re naked in bed and the sun shines in through the windows so you dive under the covers to get away from it. And that’s where your phone is. That where it all sort of falls apart.

Shawn: Hey I’m sure you’re still asleep but I can’t really get this off my mind and I just needed to be honest with you.

Shawn: I can’t do that, whatever that was last night, again. Idk why but it just made me feel weird. I kinda feel like maybe you were using me or trying to get back at me? Which I guess I deserve

Shawn: I know I fucked everything up. The thing is is that I love you. I never stopped. And I don’t think I ever could. So just go figure your shit out. However long that takes, and I’ll be here waiting. But we probably shouldn’t talk for a while. I think it could help us both. I love you honey. So much. Have a great rest of your trip.

Your heart drops to your stomach as all the memories come rushing back. And it wasn’t just him being able to make you cum at all. It was his hesitance. It was the intimate sharings of your thoughts and feelings for him when your relationship was in such disarray. You told him things that night that had never come up, and he offered you the same. It wasn’t the right space, and yet you had given him an ultimatium as if him having phone sex with you would help anything.  He seemed to know you better than you knew yourself. Somehow you had hurt the both of you last night and you had nothing to show for it. If Shawn was willing to go without speaking though it meant you had truly, deeply hurt him. You had thought that might help make you feel better, but it had the opposite effect of course.

You don’t know what to say so you don’t say anything. And you can only hope that that doesn’t hurt him even more.

***

You take a ferry to Barcelona. And listen to Ed Sheeran’s Barcelona far too long. You spend a long time looking at the water and applying sunscreen and trying to remember another time in your life where you felt so out of touch. In college you had been entirely school focused, except for all the drunk shenanigans you and Stu would get up to. And then it had been the career and making yourself stable enough to never have to return home. Somewhere along the line after one too many assholes, you had stopped trying to find a relationship entirely. So you did hook ups, you did casual sex, and that was it. And that had been perfectly fine.

The problem with Shawn was that he had created a need in your heart that you weren’t prepared for. His yearning to know you in all of your complexities, to be there for you, to support you. No one had ever offered that before. And it wasn’t that you’d grown used to it necessarily, but dammit you had begun to try. It just so happened that for every wall he knocked down, there were five more already up and at attention. You weren’t perfect by any means. You were honestly probably a little fucked in the head. But you loved him. You had given in at some point. And he let you down. So, why in the entire hell should you allow him the opportunity to do it again?

There seemed to be a part of you that was jumping up and down and screaming, “I told you so!”. It hurt. It hurt so bad. You kept reliving the moment when it connected for you. When you realized that he was leaving you, he was just too much of a coward to say it out loud. You weren’t good enough. Not for Shawn. Maybe not for anyone long term. The thing that you had known all along from the beginning had come true with such startling reality. You had just been beginning to let go. You weren’t sure that you could do that again.

You stay at this beautiful bed and breakfast type place that was nestled right in the heart of the city where all of the museums and the shops were. You visit the La Boqueria, this large market that seemed to serve anything known to human. You spent an entire afternoon at one of the bars drinking and watching the locals. It was revitalizing in a way.You read books and sit in cafes and look at the architecture of everything around you. It’s all sort of beautiful and historical and vastly different than home. It’s perfect there.

It’s at one of the cafes that you meet her. You’re sitting there in a crop top and shorts reading a book when she comes over to you. She’s got a headscarf on that is this brilliant shade of red and gold. Her skin is a rich bronzed color that is elevated by a full face of makeup with a highlight that could cut stone. She’s maybe one of the most beautiful people you’d ever seen in your life. And she walks up to you of all fucking people. Needless to say you’re a little tongue lied.

“You are American no?” She asked.

“Uhhh...no. No actually I’m Canadian. We’re the nicer versions.”

She giggled. You smiled.

You hadn’t stumbled across many people who spoke english. So you welcomed anyone willing to pity you with a conversation.

“Canadian. Ah, okay. Well, Canadian girl, I cannot help but notice how sad you look. What’s wrong with you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Well damn, is it that obvious?”

“I would say yes. Can I sit?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer before she’s already sitting across from you. In canada, you could offer someone a seat and they’d apologize before sitting down. What a culture shock.

“I’m sorry. You are one of the most beautiful humans I’ve ever seen, and I’ve apparently been to the grammys. However, I’m a little confused as to what I can do for you?”

She smiled again. “Why thank you! My friend from the UK sent me a fenty highlighter. They’re not available here yet. Does Riri not know that I need to sparkle? Anyway I’m not sure you can do anything for me. I think it may be what I can do for you. So, what can I do for you?”

“I’m...confused.”

“My grandmother grew up here. I used to spend my summers with her until I moved here entirely to take care of her. My mama, she would always say, sometimes there is a need that cannot be seen, cannot be named, but it can be felt. And when you feel it, you must give into it. It is the only way to fix the issue. I feel your need, Canadian girl. I am here to help.”

“Y/n. My name is y/n.” You snorted softly.

“Y/n, I am Priyanka. Girl you should, as the internet tells me, spill the tea.”

Oh lord.

You peered at her in caution. She didn’t scream crazy fangirl, but that certainly didn’t mean anything. She seemed to be in touch with popular culture enough to know who Shawn was. You could only imagine flying back home only to find out that you had accidentally aired all of your dirty laundry directly to the tabloids. But also, she was kind of nice. And still startlingly gorgeous. And there really couldn’t be a ton of pressure there, because you didn’t know her at all. What was the worst that she could do? Leave the table and judge you only for you to never see her again? You had gone at this trip to find some healing, to hopefully recenter yourself a little bit. How could you manage that without a little effort?

And so you tell her. Not that you were kinda sorta dating Shawn Mendes, but that you were dating a guy in the industry whose job was very demanding, as was yours. It is the first time you’ve ever laid it all out word for word, and it’s kind of exhausting to share. But, it also takes a little weight off your shoulders. She doesn’t look at you like you’re crazy after all, which makes it go down a lot smoother.

“So he loves you? But he breaks up with you...because he loves you so much?” She asked. “That is pretty dumb.”

You threw your hands up in excitement.

“Exactly! That is exactly what I said!”

“But, he has come back to you. He has apologized. He has told you that he loves you and only you, that you are the love of his life. Yet you are in Barcelona. How come?”

You felt your excitement fade away and your face scrunch up slightly.

“Well… I can’t just take him back.”

She tilted her head. “Why not?”

“Because! Because he--he hurt me. If I take him back he could hurt me again.”

“But isn’t that what love is? Taking the chance that you may end up hurt, but doing it anyway? You have to put trust in him, to believe that even though he could hurt you that he won’t.”

“Isn’t that just allowing him the opportunity to hurt me again? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?”

She shrugged. “People always have the ability to hurt us. But if you close yourself off and never open yourself up again, how can you expect anything to change?”

“So you think I should go back to him?” You asked.

“That is not my decision to make. But what if he is this so called love of your life, and you refusing him because of an act of desperation that somewhat had good intentions hurt you? What if you’re throwing something good away?”

You had a feeling Priyanka and Shawn would have gotten along wonderfully. They were both people who viewed the cup as half full while you couldn’t ever seem to get over all the empty space. It was quite exhausting to ever try and prove them wrong either. Optimism. In this economy? Can you imagine?

“I don’t know.” You mumbled to yourself playing with the edges of your book. “I love him. Of course I love him. How could I not? I think I’m just afraid that if I let myself love him the way that he wants, the way that he deserves that...it’s gonna go wrong somewhere. I’ve never ever had it not go wrong.”

“That’s okay. That’s a real emotion. You get hurt enough times, you want to protect yourself. I’m just saying in this particular instance you might not need protecting.” She shrugged. “In fact, you know what? He might fuck up again. Men are dumb, we know this. It might all fall to crap a week from now, a year from now, three years from now. Who’s to say? But I guess the question is, is it worth it to enjoy the good times and to put a little belief in yourself and in your relationship?”

At the end of the conversation, your head hurt a little bit and your heart throbbed dully in your chest. Usually you would’ve crawled into Shawn’s arms and hid your face in his chest, the gentle hum of his heart beat lulling you into serenity. He would play with your hair and he would whisper/sing into your ear. He would tell you that he loved you, or that you were pretty, or whatever other ridiculous things came out of that man’s mouth on a daily basis. It was another one of those times where you were in pain; you were sad, and you couldn’t have the one person who knew how to make it all better. Suddenly you missed him more than ever.  And even in Barcelona, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, you ached for home. For him.

Dammit.

***

Priyanka takes you to buy a journal. Apparently you’re friends now? Or at least she’s taking pity on you. She explained that for someone so angsty who internalized everything you should probably have a place to release or you were sure to explode. She didn’t seem to recognize that that might be mean so you just rolled with the punches. She takes you to the beach and you lay out in the sun together while she forces you to write about yourself. It is about as fun as one might imagine.

“What the fuck am I supposed to write about?” You huffed glaring at the blank page before you.

She snorted and reset her headscarf which was a gorgeous teal color today that blended perfectly into her bathing suit.

“Anything. Just make it personal. Why don’t you pick something you’ve never talked to anyone about and start there. You don’t need to be scared at all because it’s just who gets to read it.”

You were for certain Priyanka had stumbled into your life only to make it more difficult. She seemed to thrive on it actually. But, then again here you were taking life advice from a practical stranger anyway.

You decide to start with the first time you recognized that being fat was a bad thing. It was a visceral memory, one that you didn’t bring up too often, but one that had been instrumental to the woman you had grown to become. It was third grade. You had just turned eight. Your dad had been gone for three months, and your mom had started letting you help her in the kitchen after school. All of your brothers would go outside and play hockey with the kids across the street, or basketbal, or whatever other dumb game with a ball existed. You hated it. You just wanted to sit inside with your mom and make something.

You brought homemade cupcakes for your birthday. And you were so incredibly proud because you had helped make them! These were the product of your labor. But when it came time to eat and celebrate, Jenna Bartman came up to you to get her cupcake and laughed at you. Y/n you should probably give all the cupcakes away. Everyone knows you’ve eaten plenty. And all of the kids still left in the line laughed with her. You peered down at your tummy and it didn’t look like Jenna’s, didn’t look like most of the other girls in the class. You didn’t bake for an entire year after that. It didn’t mean you didn’t eat, you still snuck cookies from the jar up into your room when your brother wasn’t there to see you. But it was the first time that you had ever been told that what you were was bad, that you shouldn’t get to exist in the manner that made you most happy if it made others uncomfortable.

Fast forward to eighteen years old. Your first boyfriend in highschool. If you could even call him that. He didn’t want anyone at school to know that you were together. And he would only come over when your brothers weren’t around, which meant spending a lot of time in the garage. Not very sexy.

You had decided that you were comfortable and willing to have sex for the first time. You were going to go over to his place after school. His parents were gone and everything. The second that you got up to his room though, he closed all of the blinds and shut the lights off. C’mon babe. We don’t need to see all that. Let’s just do it already. The least enthusiastic five minutes of your life. You’d never told anyone that story before. Not stu. Not even Shawn.

And then there was your transformation in college. You excelled in your major, held the top GPA and graduated with departmental honors. You started to believe in your abilities, in this tiny vision that you created for yourself. You started dressing differently, started taking really important steps to love your body, to be kind to yourself. And it had these amazing ramifications, which was that the more you were kinder to yourself the happier that you ended up being. In college you fell in love with yourself and that’s when you started to shine. Your relationships with others became better as a result. The relationships that you had whether intimate or platonic thrived, because you were thriving. It was the happiest you had ever been and it completely altered your life. But, even in your quest to love yourself there were a lot of things you left behind just so you didn’t have to deal with them anymore.

Your hand is cramping when you set the pen off to the side. You’d scribbled pages and pages of words. At some point, Priyanka had gone off to swim leaving you there. When the words had run dry, you threw your journal to the side and joined her. If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was your ability to love yourself in spite of all things. You had grown to thrive on your own, to give yourself everything that no one else had ever bothered to give you. And it wasn’t necessarily about a need to be a relationship, or this idea that love from someone else is better than self-love. Maybe it was just that self-love doesn’t have to be the only love, and that you can love yourself enough to let others love you too. There wasn’t any weakness in that.

***

 You’re in a bar listening to Priyanka try to explain why you should order this supposed magical cocktail that cures the soul when you hear his voice. At first you don’t even recognize that it’s music, so you flick your head around thinking that he’s standing behind you. Instead it’s his new single. Even in Barcelona you can’t escape him. It doesn’t help that the entire bar immediately starts to gravitate to the song. It’s kind of a bop after all. Until you start to listen to the words anyway.

I can't write one song that's not about you

Can't drink without thinkin' about you

Is it too late to tell you that

Everything means nothing if I can't have you?

You always thought the first time Shawn might write a song for you would be this incredibly sappy, and hopefully beautiful, love song. That had been his promise afterall to write whole love songs for you. You never could have imagined that what you would get instead was a piano ballad he sang you completely hammered through a phone one night, but over some uplifting beat. It almost didn’t sound like the same song, granted you hadn’t gone back and listened to the files he sent you like he asked. It was so weird to watch people dance and have fun to a song that was about the destruction of your relationship. Watching people enjoy it just made it hurt more.

“Can we uh...Can we go to a different bar please?” You murmured in Priyanka’s ear.

She stared at you like you were crazy.

“But we just got here! And this song is incredible!”

“No Pri,forreal. Can we leave?”

She takes one look at you and seems to get it. You hope down off your seats and clear the bar as Shawn continues to tell the world what he’d just barely been able to tell you.

Even in the hurt there’s a bit of pride and you find yourself reaching for your phone. Maybe it isn’t pride at all. Maybe it’s desperation. Who knows

Y/n: I know we’re not speaking, but your new song was playing at a bar in Barcelona. Thought you’d wanna know.

You don’t expect him to answer, can’t imagine him answering after the last time you two spoke. Priyanka leads you to another bar by your hand and you swear you’re not peering down at your phone every two seconds

Shawn: Barcelona?! I’m gonna tell Andrew right now. That’s incredible.

y/n: Yes you can imagine my surprise when I heard your voice and turned around and you weren’t there. You were right though. Definitely a summer bop.

You take a couple shots of tequila that burn like jet fuel and watch Priyanka’s much smaller form get hammered very quickly before he responds again.

Shawn: I’m sorry if it surprised you in a negative way. That’s not fair.

Y/n: It did a bit at first but...It was nice to hear a familiar voice.

Shawn: I’ll try to believe that. Are you finding yourself out there?

Y/n: Something like that. Think maybe I’m just coming to terms with who I was all along, just had to do a little digging.

Shawn: Just as long as you’re happy. That’s all that matters to me.

y/n: I am.

***

You have a dream about your dad one night. It’s odd because you hadn’t dreamed of your father since you were in college. You had sort of buried him away. Maybe that’s why he was coming back now, as you unearthed all of these parts of yourself, somehow you had let him out too. It’s not a super deep dream. He’s just there with you in Toronto. He’s in your apartment that you no longer own, and he’s sitting on your couch. And you’re so angry, but in that dream like way where you don’t even understand why. You start to yell at him. Not about leaving you, not about abandoning your whole family, and the hell he inflicted. You’re yelling at him because his feet are on the table. It is the weirdest fucking thing in the world. And then you wake up.

When you wake up the sun is just beginning to peek through the clouds, the rest of the earth this beautiful purplish bruised color. You reach for your journal and head for the water and the sand. Being a Pisces really came in handy when traveling. And the waves seemed to not just pull you in, but to pull you outside of yourself. So, you sit down and you write about your dad for the first time.

When you were a child, you were the last one to give up hope on your dad. Your brothers were old enough to see his illness for what it was, or at least angry enough to not give a shit anymore. You on the other hand had loved him so much that it took such a long time for you to actually see it for what it was. Everytime he fell asleep drunk on the couch you were the one to pull his shoes off from the bar. When everyone else would yell at him for the reason they were broke, you used to sneak him your allowance from mom. You had loved your dad fully and unconditionally. So, when he left, and let for good, it had completely and utterly destroyed you. Everyone else had been right. You were wrong. He didn’t love you, at least not enough to stay or take you with him. It was the hardest thing for you to face and you were only seven goddamn years old.

And to believe that that wouldn’t have an affect on your relationships with other people in your life is so wildly naive. To walk through life having never sat down and genuinely reflected on what that pain had meant for you? How had it done any good? You were terrified of letting people in. Terrified that something was gonna happen one day, that you could give them everything in the world, and it still wouldn’t be enough. People leave. They always leave. Hell, you left. Left Ontario. Left your brothers. Left your mom. Maybe you weren’t too far off from your dad after all. And maybe, maybe that was the fear that you had never addressed before. What if one day you were the one who deserved to be left? What if?

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

It’s his birthday. The not so big, pretty irrelevant 24. But a birthday nonetheless. He’s in New York and it seems like a pretty good place to have a good time. They’ve rented a couple of party buses and planned a list of clubs to go to. He doesn’t have the heart to tell anyone he’d rather go to dinner and call it night, so he’s playing along. In truth he’s been doing so much better as the days go by and the shows are better and the fans scream longer. It’s weird to try and find love in the thing that felt responsible for his pain, to nurse himself with the very thing that had made it all go wrong. But, it was all that he had. If he didn’t have her, this was it. And he needed to remind himself that there was something good here for him. He had to.

He’s in his hotel room with Brian getting ready when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Andrew. He had neglected to join the party for the night, but made promises to do a dinner or something just the two of them. Instead he’s standing at his door holding a box.

“Awwww did you get me a present?” He snorted as Andrew set the box down on the bed.

“Not quite. You’re 24 and a millionaire, what would I get you? But the hotel delivered this to my room and it’s from Madrid, so I think it might actually be for you?”

He only knew one person who could possibly be in Madrid. He feels his spine strengthen and his heart beat ramp up and his stomach flutter. They hadn’t spoken since June. She had no reason to send him anything, not after the last conversation they had. For a while, after her virtual booty call concept, he had thought it might be the end of them. That her refusal to respond was a glaring sign that she was done with him.  That had been the absolute worst for him. But, he was a cup half full kind of guy, and had quickly convinced himself that no contact at all also meant she couldn’t tell him she was moving to Barcelona for good and she’d never see him again.

Andrew and Brian watch him as he sits on the bed. The box is taped pretty badly, and he just see her sitting there in frustration and proceeding to wrap the whole thing in tape for added measure. He missed watching her eyebrows furrow in irritation. He thought it was the cutest damn thing in the world. Surely enough, it’s addressed to Andrew, but the curliness of the letters are a hundred percent y/n’s. She must’ve looked through the travel packet he’d given her back when he thought she was going to visit him all the time.

He used a knife from the room service they got for lunch earlier and ripped impatiently at the box. The smell that hits him is like the ocean, a little salty and warm. But he can also smell lavender, and he swears if Brian and Andrew weren’t there, he would have cried. On top is a card which is really just a piece of card stock with her hand writing on it.

I would’ve baked you a cake, but I didn’t think it would travel well.

I hope this works alright. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate.

Take a shot of tequila for me? Or 5. Don’t worry about your voice, you’ll be fine.

Have a wonderful Birthday, Shawn. Love you.

-y/n

He can’t help but laugh at it. It was so her. To wish him a happy birthday and somehow slip in permission to get hammered. Suddenly he was extremely homesick for her apple pie. And her arms wrapped around him. And her heart.

She got him an anthology on meditation and holistic medicine. It’s in English surprisingly enough, and it’s massive. But he knows he’ll read every word. There’s a new rosary necklace for him that he immediately slips on over his head to nestle alongside their swallow. There’s also just a bunch of polaroids  from all the places that she must have been visiting. He had told her one time in the most intimate moments that they used to share, after they’d made each other climax and would just lie in bed sharing secrets until sleep took them away. He told her this silly dream he had of doing photography. He loved pictures of different buildings and cultures. Her sharing her journey with him felt so deeply personal, especially because he knew what she was out there trying to find. It’s the kindest thing she could have given him.

Shawn: Andrew just delivered your package. It was incredibly sweet. You didn’t need to do that, but I’m so so glad you did. It’s the best thing I could have gotten today.

He tries not to set up any expectations that she’ll respond to him. Afterall she’s already given him so much more than he deserved. It doesn’t stop him from checking his phone every three minutes just in case he had somehow missed the vibration. And it certainly doesn't stop his heart from leaping into his throat when he’s two shots in and she responds.

Y/n: No worries. It cost me triple what I paid for the gift just to send it. I wasn’t sure if they’d actually give it to Andrew or not. Glad it worked out. Are you drunk yet?

Shawn: working on it. Where are you right now?

Y/n: I’m in a town called Cerdanya. It’s very beautiful. It’s like half Spain, half France. I’m in the France part.

Shawn: Sounds beautiful. You haven’t posted on insta in a long time.

y/n: You worried about me?

Shawn: Always.

y/n: well take a night off for me would you? It’s your bday. Go have fun.

Shawn: I’ll try. Am I ever gonna see you again?

y/n: You leos. So dramatic. I think I’m in a really good place actually. Maybe I’ll text you when we’re both back in town.

Shawn: Please do.

y/n: I will. Promise.

***

*One month later*

y/n: I’m flying back to Toronto tomorrow.

Shawn: Really? I’m actually home right now.

y/n: Yea I know. Your whereabouts are kind of google-able.

Shawn: Right. Duh. Do you need someone to pick you up from the airport?

y/n: Bryan and Stu already offered.

He felt like a teenager trying to talk to the pretty girl at school and royally fucking it up. What a fucking idiot.

Shawn: Can I take you out for coffee when you get back?

y/n: are you sure you’re not busy? With the show and everything?

Shawn: Let me take you out for coffee. I could never be too busy for that.

Y/n: Ok. I’ll text you.

He’s sitting at a table, his legs shaking up a storm. He couldn’t sit still for shit, kept looking out the window every two seconds, and had even burnt his tongue on his coffee in a desperate attempt to find something to do. This was it. This was everything he’d been waiting for. Either she was going to break his heart, or she was going to make  him the luckiest guy on earth. There were no other options.

He catches her walking up the street and his heart spasms in his chest. He can tell that she’s gotten nothing but sun these past months because she’s absolutely golden. And she’s wearing all white like she knows that it’ll drive him crazy. Of course it’ll drive him crazy. A fucking pant suit with long flowy jacket and a camisole the color of periwinkle. She looks like a goddamn goddess.

She walks in and he just stands up immediately because he doesn’t know what else to do, hasn’t seen her in so long he feels like he’s gone mad without her. And there really is no thinking when it comes to her. He wraps her up in his arms immediately. He can’t do anything but smile at her and try to re-familiarize himself with her entire being. Shit, it’s like she got more beautiful while she was away.

“Hi.” He breathed, and it felt like the first breath he’d taken since she told him she was leaving.

She smiles and his arms tighten around her. It’s like no time has passed at all, like his love had only grown in her absence.

“Hi.”

“You’ve got freckles.” He chuckled letting his fingers skim hesitantly along her nose.

She scrunches it, like she always used to. He dies a little.

“Yea. They only come out in the sun though.”

“And your hair. It got lighter. It’s so pretty.” He hummed.

She’s running her fingers up and down his back and he just wants to pull her into bed and cuddle for a day or two. Now that she’s in front of him, he can’t even believe that he let her go. Six months. And all of the time after Amsterdam. How the hell did he let her go?

They stare at each other far too long in the middle of this coffee shop, but he figures if he just keeps staring at her than she won’t have time to destroy him.

“So uh coffee?” She giggled peering up at him from underneath her lashes.

He nearly groaned. It was too much already and all she did was laugh at his awkwardness.

“Right. Right! I would’ve ordered for you but I didn’t know how long you might be. Sit, I’ll get it for you. Do you wanna share a croissant?”

“Sure. Thank you.”

He’s more nervous than he was on their first date. It’s almost as if fucking up the order, or not grabbing her a napkin, could somehow change whatever she’d come here to say. He sets her white mocha on the table for her, and puts the croissant in the middle. The moment he sits down, there’s nothing left to do or say. He just has to listen. At least he knows that he owes her that.

“I uh...I guess I don’t know where to start.” She murmured, peering down at her cup.

He nodded. “Maybe you could just start with what you were trying to find when you left? And maybe whether or not you found it.”

She takes a deep breath and her hand moves from the table to the back of her neck to her necklace. And the second he sees the swallow his heart speeds up. Relax. Listen. Breathe.

“Well, I was doing really well at work technically. But Gina could see that I was using my job as a crutch to not have to deal with my pain. And I think that’s why she sent me on the sabbatical. I guess what I didn’t realize at the time was that I’ve always done that. I don’t like to be hurt, obviously. But more than that I don’t like to be weak. So, when you hurt me I was trying to--to pretend that I could be alright with you. And I was trying to learn from my mistakes so that I could make sure you, or no one else could do it again. But I think maybe I over corrected.

“I left because...I needed to figure out, like why my defense mechanism is to cut people off immediately. Like why am I twenty-six years old with one best friend and no one else? Not that I even want a whole bunch of friends, but I’ve never even tried to hang with someone besides Stu or Bryan. Why am I so incapable of letting people in? I spent such a long part of my life learning to be kind to myself, learning to protect my mental and emotional health because of trauma and because of hurt that I never learned how to let others do it too. I never learned what it could look like to let someone love me and not resent them for it. You. You were my first time trying.”

It’s instinctual that when she puts her hand on the table he reaches for it. He needed to show her how much he cared, how much love and respect he had for her. And when she intertwines their fingers and plays with his ring, it feels like an acknowledgement of that.

“I met this woman named Priyanka in Barcelona? I ended up spending like a whole month there just because of her.” She smiled softly. “And she made me keep this journal and she had me write all the things I was always too afraid to tell anybody.”

“Like what?” He asked softly just to keep her talking. “If you want to share. you definitely don’t have to.”

“Like...Like I never dealt with the pain of my dad leaving because I didn’t want to have daddy issues. I didn’t want to let him have power over me. The way that he left, and it took me so fucking long to see that he was wrong, that to me felt like weakness. I had let him give me whatever love he wanted and all it did was hurt me in the end. So, I guess in my mind allowing someone to love you meant that they could hurt you and if you let them do that then you were weak. And I guess that just equated to love being weakness.”

It’s like the most he’s ever heard her talk. She had clearly spent so much time reflecting and unearthing the parts of herself that she’d stored away for so long. Now it was like she was pulling out all of the individual pieces and sharing them with him. When he had begged her to just let him love her, and she had tried with all of her might, never had she ever done this. It’s like he’s seeing her in all her entirety for the first time. And it’s only making him fall even more in love with her.

He’s leaning his face on his hand and he’s just staring at her, listening to her say all of these thoughts in that big ass beautiful head of hers that he’s always wanted to know. It’s the greatest gift she could ever give him, and it makes every moment she was away worth it. If only she got to be a better version of herself, got to feel more confident in who she was. And not for him, not for anyone, but for her own happiness.

“You look so happy.” He smiled at her. “It all sounds incredible, y/n. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m really proud of myself.” She giggled again.

God she was so fucking cute.

“Hey, that night that I called you drunk--”

“Don’t even mention it. I understood where you were coming from.”

She frowned at him and it’s the first time that she’s not smiling. He literally had to restrain himself from reaching out to touch her lips. What a shit show.

“No. No you deserve an apology. I was drunk, sure, but my willingness and eagerness to inflict pain on you, that was all me Shawn. I knew you wouldn’t want to hurt me by saying no. I mean that’s so not okay. We were always open and honest with each other when it came to being intimate. I--I would never want you to pretend that what I did was okay.” She assured him. “I’m sorry, okay? I mean that.”

He nods and squeezes at her fingers again. “Okay. It was a shitty feeling. Mostly it was shitty that I felt like I deserved it, felt like even if that was all you were willing to give me than I should just take it. But I don’t like--I don't hold it against you. We were in a really shitty space. I forgive you.”

“Okay. Well thank you.”

He nodded softly. “ Have you thought at all about--I mean do you think you could ever forgive me? For what I did? For not handling things right? For messing it all up?”

“It took me such a long time. I was terrified of how in love with you I was. And I just was like waiting for the other shoe to drop for so long. I kept having to fight myself everytime you wanted me to be more open with you, and wanting to give you everything that you asked for because I loved you so much.”

“‘Loved’?” He asked hesitantly.

She sighed. “Shawn, even if I was waiting on the other shoe to drop I...never could have actually thought that you would hurt me the way that you did. That you would fly me all the way out to be with you just so that you could leave me and go on tour. That was so fucking painful for me.”

He nods and leans closer to her across the table, both of their coffees and the croissant long forgotten.

“I know. I know how stupid of me it was. I just, I think I got scared too. It was so easy to fall in love with you. It was so easy to want to spend all of my time with you. And the thought that like...that I could hurt you because of music of all things? That my being away could cause you pain? I just didn’t even know what to do. I love you so much, y/n. I need you to know that I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. This was new for me too.”

“Sometimes you made it seem like you had all the answers. It was like you knew exactly what we were supposed to be doing when I was just flailing..” She mumbled. “It made it hurt so much worse.”

“I was just trying not to lose you. Do you have any idea how intimidating it is to be with someone as smart and wonderful and badass as you?  You always seemed like you had the life part figured out. I thought that...that I needed to have the love part down so that I could keep you, so that I could deserve you.” He confessed. “But, honey I was just as lost as you were sometimes.”

“You were?”

“Of course!” He smiled. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I can be kind of dumb sometimes.”

She snorted. “That’s certainly one way to put it.”

She peered down at the table and he kind of figured that this was his chance, this was everything they’d been building up to. So he licked his dry lips and somehow managed to shuffle even closer across the tiny table they were squished at.

“Baby,” He whispered. “I’ve got to know... if there is even a remote possibility that we could try it again? And I promise to never do anything like that again, to communicate better, to be more vulnerable and open.”

She bit her lip and looked at him and he swore that he couldn’t breathe.

“I just wanna know how it’s gonna be different this time Shawn? When I go back to work and you’re still on tour for the rest of the year. How does this change anything?”

“It just means that we have to be better. It means you’ve got to be honest with me when you’re dealing with shit, when you need to get away from work, hell when you need to get away from me. And I have to...I have to learn to not place any of the weight of who I am on you. No more begging for forgiveness before shows. No more begging you to fly out just because I’m sad. It changes because we’re willing to change, and we’re willing to learn and grow together. Can we...Can we do that? I only want to do that with you.”

Her eyes flicked down to the table and then back up to his. She’s beautiful, so so beautiful. He just wants her.

She huffed softly at him.

“Well I love you, you idiot. So, I guess we can try this again.”

“Yea?” He beamed.

“Yea.”

He reaches across the table, trading her hand for the feel of her cheeks. They were still warm as if the sun had left a bit of itself behind. And the light dusting of freckles across her nose drove him insane. He was all in with her whether she knew it or not. She was it for him.

“Can I...Can I kiss you?”  He sighed fingers cupping her jaw.

She licked her bottom lip and set his heart ablaze.

“Yea. You can.”

“Fucking finally.”

If you’d like to buy me a ko-fi

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Lullaby||Jiu

A/N: Aaand we’re back to our favorite leader! Please tell me your opinions and just enjoy this “calm before the storm” chapter. Check out the teaser for the next one in my masterlist!

Admin: Heather

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It all felt wrong. The Dreamworld always had this eerie atmosphere that made you feel uneasy, but now it seemed even more unsettling. Like the whole space was bracing itself and anticipating. What? You had no clue. But in current circumstances something was bound to happen.

A slender girl with flowy hair and serene features didn’t sound like a big threat. But her presence contributed to your worries. Yoohyeon was sitting on a chair with her eyes closed. Pastel colors of her clothes emphasized the peaceful physique. She had been in this catatonic state for a few days now, ever since Sua found her unconscious body. All details were unknown to you, because Handong was relentless in her “not doing shady nightmare stuff” policy. That’s why you had to do everything on your own.

“You don’t give up easily.” You stiffened, startled. No matter how many horrors you encountered, this voice always made you freeze.

“Jiu.” Almost without making a sound, the girl stood slightly behind you. Always keeping her distance while overpowering you effortlessly.

“I could have seen it coming. You seemed pretty shaken after the scene in the cafeteria.”

Her tone didn’t betray a single emotion. There was no way to guess what was going through her mind. You risked a quick glance in her direction. Her eyes were focused on Yoohyeon’s still form. Her hair turned black and one part was cut shorter. Only her expression didn’t change a bit. Still the same enigmatic and beautiful features.

“You don’t talk much.” Jiu’s gaze switched to you, taking you by surprise. What was even more unusual was the fact that you didn’t feel endangered like during every other conversation. Yes, it felt like she was reading your deepest thoughts, but her demeanor didn’t seem openly threatening.

“Don’t know what to say.” Maintaining eye contact was overwhelming, so you opted for watching Yoohyeon. “Everything happened so suddenly.”

“From your perspective at least.” You waited for some kind of continuation, but nothing came. Jiu always liked speaking in puzzles. Asking her directly wouldn’t get you anywhere and also seemed to be unreasonable. You had some kind of unspoken respect for Jiu. If she didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t ask.

You stood in silence and for some reason it felt right. It was a cathartic experience to stand in such close proximity to Jiu without planning an escape route. In other setting, her presence could be even considered soothing.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell her.”

This was unexpected. You looked at her again in question.

“If you’re talking about Chaeyoung, she’s not a part of this anymore.” You knew she was aware of the involvement of the short girl. Clarification on that matter could keep your friend safe. Even if you two weren’t exactly on speaking terms.

“Not her.” She turned her head in your direction. “Handong.”

“Oh.” Of course Handong made sure to let everyone know you weren’t welcome in Dreamworld. “Thank you, that’s very nice of-“

You didn’t get to finish expressing your gratitude. You looked at your phone and checked the time. Still an hour left, you could sleep a bit more and maybe even talk to Jiu. Fortunately, you fell asleep as soon as you closed your eyes. What you weren’t expecting was to wake up after an hour of dreamless sleep.

 Looking like a creepy stalker was the last thing you cared about. You couldn’t stop observing Jiu, who was standing by her locker and talking with Sua. None of the girls seemed to notice your burning gaze or they were ignoring your whole existence. It’s been two days since your last visit in Dreamworld and it drove you insane. It was obvious that while Jiu assured that she won’t tell Handong, she also made sure to block you from entering their dimension in any way.

“It wasn’t always like this.”

You looked around to find the source of the voice, but no one was even looking in your direction. Maybe you accidently overheard someone’s conversation. Or you were going crazy from inability to learn more about Yoohyeon’s situation. What the hell happened to her?

“It was an accident.”

Again, searching for the person speaking was fruitless. Maybe you really were insane.

“She didn’t mean to.”

“Who is she? And what did she do?” you muttered under your breath to avoid weird looks. No one answered. Of course, you were imagining things again. And you couldn’t even seek for answers in Dreamworld.

“No one is safe.”

You knew that voice.

“Time is running out.”

You knew it too well.

“Run.”

Of course.

“Run.”

You turned your gaze up and bravely locked eyes with Jiu.

“Tik tok.”

Someone slammed their locker door and you jumped at the sudden noise. When you calmed down, Jiu and Sua were gone and Chaeyoung stood next to their previous spot with a frown on her face. You composed yourself and made your way towards the classroom. After you were sure Chaeyoung couldn’t see you anymore, you changed track and bolted to the exit. You had a mission to accomplish.

The sole idea of being alone in the mansion should seem repulsive. But truth be told, you didn’t feel scared anymore. Sure, the hallways were dark and kind of eerie looking. Even though you couldn’t help but remember everything that happened in the last couple weeks. You’ve been through so much because of this place. You came here for answers and you will get them. No matter what happens. You just had to avoid the girls and not get into trouble. Simple.

Finding Dong-hyuk’s working room took you less time than before. Unfortunately, a big part of his evidence was taken by Chaeyoung last time you were here and there was no way in hell or heaven that you would ask her for these notes. You had to work with whatever was left. The first thing that caught your attention was a stack of old looking papers, so you approached it without much hope. To be honest, research was never your strong point. You were much less organized than Chaeyoung and could never make notes as neat as hers. Of course, you were able to do some basic review of gathered information, but it required much focus.

“Damn!” you yelped after the books you accidentally knocked from the table hit the floor with a loud thud. You kneeled down to pick them up, cursing your clumsiness. When you were standing back up, you got startled again. Handong’s face appeared in the mirror and her eyes scanned the room.

“Y/N?” her tone made you wince. It was clear she was dead serious and nothing could redeem you if she noticed you were here. Disregarding her warnings would shatter the fragile bit of trust she offered you, which would ruin the progress you made in your case. So you slid behind an armchair without standing up to stay away from her vision.

“Y/N, I know you’re here.” Handong didn’t sound irritated, more exhausted. “Please just go home. It’s not safe for you.”

You felt a pang of guilt. As much as you kept stating that her concern was just a plan to make you let your guard down, you couldn’t push away the feeling of attachment. It probably meant you were setting yourself for a heartbreak, but Handong just had this effect on you.

“As long as we have each other.”

That was NOT Handong’s voice. It resonated in your head like a secret message meant only for your ears. Not as much as by the lockers when you could swear Jiu was the one messing with you.

“This is not a game.”

“Can’t argue with that.” You thought and started looking for a way out. Waiting for Handong to go away could take a lot of time and you couldn’t waste any more minutes. Then you noticed that another mirror was right behind you. You didn’t know how long would it take for Handong to move from one mirror to another, but covering as many as you could was the safest bet. You took your jacket off quietly and placed in on the object.

“Time is running out.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Maybe talking to the nonexistent voice bordered on insanity, but it couldn’t be that bad if you did it inside your head.

You risked a peek from behind the armchair. Handong was still there looking around like a hawk. You had to make her change position. So you decided to use your biggest strength – destruction. Moving to the left, you nudged a tall flowerpot to make it fall. A loud crash of shattered ceramic startled the girl in the mirror.

“Y/N?!” she inquired and tried to take a better look. You got ready behind the armchair and waited. Finally, she disappeared and you could hear a confused gasp from another side of the room. That was your cue to run. You bolted out of the room and sprinted down the hallway, trying to avoid any reflective surfaces.

“Running won’t save you.”

She was probably right, but that didn’t make you stop.

“Why would you do that?”

That or getting scolded by an angry, attractive nightmare lady. Wasn’t hard to choose.

“I’m sorry.”

What?

“I couldn’t protect you.”

What was she talking about?

”I’ll wait for you.”

Was she even talking to you?

“I’ll fight for you.”

Probably not.

“Get out.”

That was some serious case of mixed signals.

“GET OUT!”

No.

“Leave us alone!”

Too late for that.

“Fine.”

Fine.

…

And then she turned silent. You stopped and leaned against the wall panting. Your mind was racing and heart pounding way to fast. Putting the pieces of your mind conversation gave you a headache. It didn’t seem like the person was talking to you. She seemed angry, frustrated and miserable. But also her words had some kind of vulnerability to them. Maybe even remorse.

“Are you in here?” you tried to contact the voice with your thoughts, but it didn’t work. To be honest, you didn’t expect it to.

Quick observation let you know that you were currently near the main staircase, right above the big door. If anything happened, you had an easy way out. There weren’t any mirrors nearby, so Handong couldn’t get you. The downside was that you had no way to go back to the research room and get the notes or your jacket before leaving. There had to be some other-

“Where are you?”

You turned around and saw a girl standing right next to the you and looking down on the ground floor. Wait.. not any girl.

“Yoohyeon?” the words left your mouth without a second thought, but she didn’t seem to hear them. She hurried down the stairs and you had no other option than to follow her.

It was jarring to see her like this, smiling brightly and dressed in a colorful outfit after witnessing her in the catatonic state with no discernible face expression. Yoohyeon skipped through the rooms and you couldn’t help, but notice the change in your surroundings. There was no sign of passed time on any furniture. The sun was shining through the colorful curtains, covering everything with a warm hue. You followed the carefree girl and tried to remember as many details as possible. The manor didn’t seem chilling anymore. It felt like home.

Yoohyeon stopped in front of another girl, dressed in a matching outfit. A uniform maybe? The girl turned to her with a flip of red hair and your breath stopped for a moment. It was Jiu, but at the same time not Jiu at all. You knew her as a powerful, mysterious leader of the nightmare bunch. In front of you however was a bright girl, looking at her friend with sparkling eyes.

“Come on!” Yoohyeon rushed her playfully. “Bora made lunch.” She took Jiu’s hand and ran away with her. It took you a while to get over the bizarre sight. Were you in an alternative universe or something? There was no other explanation for what just happened. Jiu’s laughter, one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard by the way, echoed through the hallway. You watched her disappear around the corner and headed in that direction.

The table in the dining room was laid for seven people and two seats were already occupied. You saw Handong talking to a girl you didn’t recognize. Their voices were quiet, but that didn’t seem out of character for either of them and the soft smiles let you know that they cared for each other deeply.

“Coming through!” A small, cute girl crashed into someone you recognized as Siyeon. It was hard to identify her without a piercing stare and that dangerous smirk of hers. Her eyes turned into narrow creases when she smiled at her friend giving her a back hug. The scene was so heartwarming and weird at the same time. What was going on here?

“Singnie cuddle pile!” an all too familiar voice cheered right next to your ear and Bora darted past you to jump on Siyeon from the front. The girl grunted and tried to look displeased, but her grin betrayed her. Jiu leaned her chin on the top of Handong’s head and a warm smile spread on her face. She looked so peaceful. But wait-

“Y/N!”

Where was Yoohyeon?

“Y/N!” Jiu dragged you by the hand and ran through the halls. You blinked a couple times in confusion. She wasn’t in her uniform anymore and her hair was black again.

“Jiu?” Dumb question, of course it was her. “What is going on?”

“Run!�� she called and picked up her pace. You had to admit, she was fast for someone running in a chic suit. Only Jiu can probably pull that off.

She led you through the corridors without stopping even once. Surprisingly, that didn’t bother you at all. Maybe you got fit? No, you probably never left the Dreamworld in the first place. More probable. But how could that happen? Did this place had layers or something? Or like different dimensions? You should have seen that coming probably, but it didn’t change the fact that it was weird to experience it firsthand.

Jiu turned suddenly and almost made you lose your balance. You stumbled a bit, struggling to keep up with her. Especially, that she clearly knew where she was going and you had no idea how to navigate through the dark halls. Somehow, everything got even more shadowy. Or maybe it was just the contrast with previous setting. You were already starting to miss the happy Jiu. She was so bright and looking like sunshine embodied. This Jiu had this dark aura that made you intimidated, but also was extremely captivating. She was like a black blooming rose-

And then she smashed the mirror.

“Don’t stop!” she commanded and continued running. Trying not to trip on the broken glass, you followed her slightly taken aback. Why did she break it?

Another crash could be heard as Jiu slammed her fist into the next mirror, slowing down only a bit. She did that a couple times more and it made you a bit concerned. Could that hurt her? It was a dream, but did that matter? And what about Handong? What if she was in the mirror in that moment?

“Why are you doing this?” you winced after another smash. “Is this about Handong?”

Jiu let out a little dry chuckle and stopped.

“Handong is not a problem, Y/N.” she looked around and her eyes narrowed. “Go downstairs.”

“What about you?”

“Just go.” She ordered and resumed her sprint. You wouldn’t dare disobeying her, so you descended the stairs and moved forwards. What were you supposed to do now? Leave the building? Get help? Stay there?

You decided to keep moving and think later. Maybe some inspiration would strike you without any warning. Hopefully, only inspiration.

The mansion was back to its unwelcoming nature. But you could swear that it seemed even more hostile and dark than before. It seemed like whatever was going on with Yoohyeon, made everything go deeper into the nightmare. And Jiu was probably trying to stop that. At least you hoped so.

You passed the dining room and looked at the table. It looked horrible without the happy crowd surrounding it. The absence of girls made this place void of any happiness and colors. The only thing left was emptiness. Hollow and dark silence that couldn’t be filled with anything. Not wanting to get into a funk, you turned around only to notice Yoohyeon walking through the corridor. You looked back at the table. None of the girls seemed to notice her absence, all caught up in their carefree world. Yoohyeon cast a quick glance behind and started walking faster.

You followed her back to the place when she found Jiu. She was kneeling in front of a jar and looking at it with curiosity. After a close look, you noticed a white spider sitting in the glass container. Yoohyeon tapped the wall a little and looked in the direction of others again. No one went after her.

“Why did you do that?”

The voice took you by surprise, but didn’t make you take your eyes off Yoohyeon. Something seemed wrong and you wanted to know what was she going to do.

“It all started here.”

A smirk ghosted Yoohyeon’s face, but it didn’t look like her previous smile. It was more mischievous than cheerful. She looked like a child wanting to cause some trouble.

“Such a small thing.”

She took the magnifying glass from behind her back and put it up, turning it to find the best angle. Was she trying to… No it was impossible. Right?

“It was a mistake”

A small cloud of smoke started rising from the jar as the sun rays illuminated the spider. Yoohyeon’s smile grew wider as the small creature burned in its glass prison.

“We still pay the price.”

After finishing her job, Yoohyeon got up and hid the magnifying glass in one of the drawers. Then she turned towards the dining room with the same weird smile. It lasted only for a second before fading back to her bright grin.

“Help us.”

You were staring at the table in stunned silence. Everything was back to normal. There was no jar, no Yoohyeon, no spider. Just an old piece of furniture.

“So now you know.” Even though you should have expected her, you still jumped a bit.

“Did you show me this?” you asked and turned to face her. Jiu nodded.

“You deserve to know the truth. And you were determined to learn it no matter the consequences.”

She had a point. Still, the fact that Jiu made effort to help you learn this vital piece of information was astonishing. Almost like two made some progress together.

“That’s why Yoohyeon is… like that.” The girl sighed and looked at the table. Pain ghosted her face as she nodded.

“The curse, our curse started here.” She explained. “When Yoohyeon burned my spider.”

That made some sense. Yoohyeon didn’t look like herself at that moment. She could have been possessed and started this whole mess that you got tangled in for some reason. And now she was immobilized in the mansion.

“You wanted me to come here?” you had to know. “I heard your voice in school. It sounded like a call for help.

Jiu looked conflicted. As if she was judging whether to trust you or not. The slight hesitation made her seem a little bit more human. She was afraid of making a mistake. She couldn’t let anything happen again.

“Y/N, the Dreamworld is a very complex place.” She started and you nodded slowly. “You encountered me three times today.”

“Was all of them you?” that sounded a bit odd, but there was no other way to word it. Jiu seemed to understand your intention.

“The first one was just a memory. A shadow of the past, sealed in the passed time. You couldn’t change anything there, it’s just a projection.”

“Like a flashback?” Something similar to approval shone in Jiu’s eyes. It made you feel warm inside.

“Exactly. Then we were in Dreamworld.”

“Running through the hallways.” You interrupted. “But something wasn’t right. It didn’t feel the same way like before.”

You didn’t mention that “before” meant the times where she chased you through the same mansion you were in now. It seemed like eternity passed since these days. Back then it was just a strange dream that kept returning.

“Our first encounter was in your dream.” Jiu tapped her fingers on the small table. “I just entered it like we do with many people.”

“Why?” It may have been an insensitive question, but you really wanted to understand. Jiu smiled a little.

“It’s what we do, Y/N. That’s just who we are.”

“That the point!” you exclaimed and quickly calmed down. “Who are you?

The girl glanced away from you. The conflicted expression returned to her features. You prayed she would actually explain everything.

“We are nightmares.” You knew that part already, but you didn’t interrupt. “When Yoohyeon killed an innocent creature… we all had to pay for that. It’s our curse.”

“But you are here. So you have to be mortal right?”

Jiu tilted her head a bit.

“Kind of.” She sighed. “We don’t have the time for details, Y/N and it’s better for you not to know too much.”

Of course. All of this again. Everyone had to protect the poor, little Y/N from evil. Well, it was too late for that. You were in this, whether they wanted it or not. And you weren’t going to give up.

“How can I help you if I don’t know what’s wrong?”

“You can’t help us.” Jiu tried to sound firm, but her voice shook a little. This whole situation was a huge weight for her. “Just like I couldn’t help her.”

That was when you got it. Jiu felt guilty. For not stopping Yoohyeon, not protecting her, not stopping the curse and becoming a nightmare. She wanted to fix this, to save everyone and finally forgive herself.

“But I want to.” You looked her in the eye. “I want to help you, Jiu. All of you.”

She looked at you without any ice in her glare. She seemed as exhausted and terrified as you, but was way better at hiding it. The girls needed your help and you wanted to solve this case and bring them peace. Finish something that Dong-hyuk couldn’t.

“Oh, one more thing.” You added. “What happened to that investigator.”

Jiu’s gaze hardened and you stiffened a bit.

“He wanted to learn about our curse and make us disappear for his own benefit.” She spat. “But it was a huge mistake on his part. He caused us a lot of trouble, though. Capturing Sua, sending those freaks after Siyeon and Yoohyeon.”

“He did all of this?” you were shocked. Suddenly it felt wrong to compare yourself to that guy. He was ruthless and only wanted to gain something from the girls’ tragedy.

“Yes. But we got rid of him pretty quickly.” She smiled. “And gained enough power to switch places with him.”

You didn’t want to ask for details now, but made a mental note to keep this question for later.

“Can I take his papers?” you asked carefully. “It could save me a lot of work.”

Jiu raised her brows subtly.

“I thought your friend took everything.”

Mentioning Chaeyoung made your heart sting a little. You still had to make things right with her and it was eating you from the inside. Jiu noticed that and motioned for you to go and collect whatever you needed.

You entered the room and quickly gathered everything and put it in your backpack. Nothing was left and the room looked much better without the papers laying around. On your way out, you noticed the jacket draped across the mirror. Thankfully, Handong wasn’t waiting under it to give you a piece of her mind.

Jiu was still in the hallway when you came back. She was looking through a window at the setting sun. You stood next to her, not sure what to do.

“Did you get everything?” she asked without looking at you. You patted your packed bag.

“I think so.” You were once again left together in silence and for some reason it felt right. Maybe Jiu was warming up a little. “I want to help you, Jiu, I really-

“Minji.” She interrupted and turned her eyes to you.

“Excuse me?” you whispered in surprise. Your heart started fluttering under her gaze.

“My name is Minji.” She repeated and moved her eyes back at the window.

You also looked in that direction with a familiar warmth spreading on your cheeks. Yes, Jiu- Minji was definitely warming up a little.

#kpop #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher scenarios #dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher fluff #dreamcatcher angst #dreamcatcher jiu #jiu fluff #jiu angst #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop angst #jiu imagines #jiu scenarios

[zenonaa]

Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318629/chapters/43362350

Comments: Day 1 for TogaFuka Week! The prompt is ‘Beginnings’

***

If anyone thought that somebody stacked a dozen books on a desk in Hope’s Peak’s library and abandoned them there, they would be wrong but the mistake would be understandable. Behind the barricade of books lay Touko Fukawa, her shoulders hunched as she scribbled in a small purple notebook. Her pen nib scratched against paper, paving a story word by word. The world around her faded away within the first few sentences, and all that mattered now was the fictional girl made of thoughts, paper and ink who recently transferred to a new school.

Much like Touko, herself.

While she had her own dorm here, where she could work and exist as she pleased, for her current project, she wanted to draw from her surroundings. For example, as she left her dorm, her eyes darted about the narrow corridors, where the cream flooring was polished so much that she could see her blurred reflection in it, and she noted the slight resistance from the wooden stair rail as she descended to the ground floor. Once outside, Touko listened to the hum of school life under a sky with clouds boasting grey stomachs, and she remembered the lazy tumble of an empty packet of crisps as she crossed a courtyard.

The library emitted a rich, booky smell, a blend of glue and aged must, with old books intermingling with newer ones, an aroma that Touko’s dorm hadn’t yet acquired since she moved in two weeks prior. In her pursusal of the library, she found books long out-of-print. When taking into account that the academy had been established hundreds of years old, that was to be expected. On opening a few books, just curious about their age, she discovered yellowing checkout cards, and she suspected several stamps had been pressed into them for people no longer alive, rotting in the ground somewhere.

Yes, Touko had been called morbid. A lot. One nickname of hers was ‘zombie’, and then there were others like ‘ugly’, ‘weird girl’, ‘four eyes’ and ‘Wednesday Addams’. However, at that moment, Touko existed only as a vessel for the character in her current work in progress. The girl was drinking in the sight of the old school building, gripping the handle of a secondhand suitcase that had a wheel that kept sticking, and her mouth hung open, tinged with the bitter tang of fear.

She was about to take the plunge and go inside when she exploded in a cloud of dust, blown away by a single spoken word.

“You.”

That wasn’t said by the girl, or anyone in the book, or even Touko. She jerked her head up at the blunt voice that shoved her out of her zone and placed her back in a dim, musky library.

A male student stared down at her, his lips twisted with disgust, an emotion that Touko was well acquainted with. Narrowed blue eyes watched her from behind a pair of white framed glasses. His hand rested on top of one of the piles of books that she amassed. Even though she wrote fiction, it had to have some basis in reality. She acquired them for research purposes, though one stack consisted of paper folders with notes and plans for this particular story.

Touko tried to swallow as quietly as possible.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” she asked tightly.

“You’re certainly doing something,” he said. He craned his neck, trying to see into her notebook, and wrinkled his nose. “Are you writing one of your romances?”

She wrenched her notebook toward herself and hugged it against her chest.

“W-What’s it to you? Why do you need to know? Do I need a permit to write here?” she snapped.

He clucked his tongue.

“That sure is a persecution complex you’ve got there. You’re giving yourself too much credit. You enrolled as a high school literary girl, and as an avid reader, and because you happen to be here, I thought I would investigate,” he said.

“Investigate?” She raised in pitch. “What are you, a detective?”

“That’s a side hobby for me. I’ve even solved a few cold cases,” he told her. Touko eyed him, trying to place where she had seen him before, because she was fairly sure she had somewhere. He turned his head to one side but kept his gaze on her.

A few seconds passed, then it clicked.

“You sit in front of me in class,” she announced. Yes. She recognised his blond hair from the one day she went to class. They weren’t compulsory, and she was a genius, so she preferred to spend that time writing instead.

If she could help it, she kept her eyes down in class, but she had to look up occasionally, and with him right there, glimpsing him was inevitable, though she usually only saw the back of his head. And, of course, she saw his face while researching her classmates prior to starting at the academy, but after reading his title, Super High School Level Heir, she hadn’t lingered on him for much longer.

“The answer to a question I didn’t ask,” he remarked coldly. Up to this point, he hadn’t taken his hand off the pile of books, but he did now, pushing up his glasses that hadn’t slipped at all far down his slender nose.

He folded his arms over his chest and regarded her again.

“As I’m sure you have as well, I researched my classmates before coming here,” said Byakuya, and she shoved her thumb against her gritted teeth.

She just thought about that - she needed to make her face harder to read, but she couldn’t stop clenching her jaw and scowling.

“When I saw your title, I was interested to see what sort of things you wrote,” he continued. “For you to have been handpicked by Hope’s Peak, you must have talent at it. Imagine my disappointment when I saw your bibliography comprised of romance novels...”

Heat rose to her face and she balled her hands into fists.

“What, do you think an ugly fatty like me can’t write about romance?” she snarled. He didn’t even flinch.

“That’s irrelevant. Romance in real life is repulsive, and I can’t see why anyone would want to read about it,” he said.

Touko bristled. The nerve of this guy! She was ugly, smelly and a bunch of derogatory terms, but to dismiss her livelihood... she wouldn’t stand for it. For a while, she couldn’t even muster up any words, and she could only see white hot anger.

Finally, she looked up and said, “How-?”

He was gone. Touko choked on her saliva and tried to return to her writing, but her narrative came out stilted, repetitive. She gripped her pen tighter and screamed in her head, not with words but filling herself with an internal prolonged, frustrated wail. Even when she stopped attempting to think what to write next, a fizzling sound still ate away at her.

A stubbornly long time later, she slammed down her pen. The nerve! Touko left the library books where they were - she knew librarians preferred putting books away than having visitors try to. She collected her folders and stormed out of the library, her skirt swishing wildly.

Despite the fluorescent lighting in the corridors, night fell some time ago, but she didn’t have a curfew or anything to obey. If she wanted to be out past ten o’clock, then so be it. As she blitzed through various corridors, tinted various colours by the lighting depending on the area of the school, the few people straying around her had sense to avoid her.

When she entered her dorm, she let the door swing shut with a bang, and she tossed her folders onto a small round table. She stood still, gripping her hair, and her ragged breathing eventually tired her out. The room speckled in her exhaustion, and her limbs weighed down as she sauntered to her bed. Not bothering to take her uniform off, she flopped forward onto her mattress and whined into her pillow.

What a pomposh, self-important fool! He must have felt so smug, leering at her and taunting her about what she wrote. Just because he was rich and handsome, he thought that made him better than everyone else, but he couldn’t fool her. Touko had met too many handsome men and they all turned out to be vile. They pinned love confessions onto noticeboards, asked her out on dates on dares or told her that she was more mature than her classmates, after class when everyone else had gone home.

Yes, they were the same as each other, and in her experience, ended up dead.

Touko fell asleep, thinking of comebacks and retorts that she should have said at the time. In the morning, she woke up early for once. Rather than sleep in, she heaved herself out of bed, sprayed herself in cheap body spray instead of taking a shower, and she gathered her things for the day. As soon as she saw Byakuya, she would slice him to pieces with her tongue, brandishing her arguments and superior intelligence. After all, she was intelligent, and him? He was just an heir, which required no work, no extra effort. Just rich parents.

Yes, as soon as she got her notebook containing her novel, she would...

... she sorted through her folders...

... as soon...

She stopped.

Then wailed.

It wasn’t here. Her notebook wasn’t here. Touko must have left it at the library the previous night, and it was all Byakuya’s fault because he flustered her so much. She ran out of her dorm, her school bag thrashing against her as she sped over to the library, ignoring the concerned looks aimed her way.

When she arrived, she could barely breathe, not just because she was so unfit, not just because she was so out of breath, but because that notebook held her precious story. Panting loudly, she checked where she had been stationed the previous night. The books had been reshelved, but her own notebook was nowhere to be seen.

“Did you see a notebook here last night?” Touko asked the librarian, who had cautiously drawn closer upon seeing Touko burst in.

“No, sorry. Everything I put away belonged to the library,” said the woman. She tilted her head to one side, looking upward in thought. “The only person who has been here since after you left and before I tidied up was that Togami boy who comes here a lot. He left after you yesterday.”

Him! Touko growled and without bothering to say her thanks, she left the library, heading toward their homeroom. As usual, she had skipped breakfast, but her stomach had hardened rock solid so she didn’t feel hungry.

She opened the door forcefully and looked inside. No one else was here yet, not even the student attending for being an elite public morals committee member. Classes weren’t compulsory, but Touko didn’t know the location of Byakuya’s dorm, and in this sort of mood, she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on her writing anyway, so she stomped over to her desk in the back corner of the room and flumped down on her chair.

Five minutes later, Kiyotaka arrived, his shirt tucked in, tidy as an esteemed committee member should be. He took a few steps before noticing Touko and hesitated, then raised a hand.

“Good morning, Fukawa-kun!” he called out.

She glanced at him. To her dismay, he stared, expecting a greeting back. How bothersome.

“It’s nice that you’ve decided to attend today,” he added, breaking into a wide grin.

“I can’t say the same back,” she said. His face fell, and he left her alone now.

A few more students spilled into the classroom soon after, such as a girl who wore a paperclip in her hair and seemed to bounce as she walked. She approached Touko with a donut bundled in kitchen tissue, and she had the audacity to put it on Touko’s desk.

“What is this?” asked Touko, turning up her nose at it.

“I’m Aoi Asahina,” chirped the girl, and she cupped the back of her neck. “I, um, thought... you might get hungry, so...”

Touko cringed. “I don’t want... your bribery!”

“What? It’s not bribery,” said Aoi, adopting a frown. “I noticed you never come to the cafeteria in the morning, so thought I’d get you something. I was wondering if we could be friends.”

Exactly. Bribery.

“You can’t fool me. Leave me alone!” Touko sneered. “You probably hid razor blades in it.”

Like those girls in her middle school had done with a cake.

“That’s horrible!” Aoi said, widening her eyes. “I would never...”

But Touko had learned otherwise.

“You... You big-boobed piece of beef jerky!” Touko twisted her body away from Aoi. “Go away. Moo-ve away from me!”

Aoi gasped and then stalked off to her desk with a huff, as Touko intended, leaving the donut behind, not so much intended. More people arrived after. A girl with long blue hair and skin as smooth as a doll’s, walking in with a boy with brown messy hair. A girl with violet hair and a small braid on her left side, the headmaster’s daughter. Every time the door opened, Touko peeked up, and upon seeing that they weren’t Byakuya, she would lower her gaze again.

With five minutes to spare, the door opened, and this time, when Touko perked up her head, the sight of Byakuya greeted her. She tracked him as he strode over to his desk, wearing a dark brown shoulder bag that cost more than it should, and as soon as he slid onto his chair, she spoke up.

“You. Togami,” she said.

He gave a hum, and she thought for a moment that he wouldn’t even bother looking at her, but then he turned around and held out a small purple notebook.

Her notebook.

“You thief!” Touko hissed as she snatched it back.

Byakuya blinked calmly and made no attempt to stop her or steal it back.

“You left it behind in your haste last night. That’s your fault,” he said.

She glared at him. He retracted his hand and pushed up his glasses.

“I planned to return it to you after classes today, but you saved me the effort of chasing you down by coming here,” he added. “Which I thank you for, because I have better things to do. A lot of them.”

“L-Like what?” she jeered. “Smelling your own farts? Getting everything handed to you?”

For the first time, emotion flickered in his eyes. An ignition, a spark, a flame within a case of ice. His nostrils flared.

“Is that what you think of me?” he asked sharply. “That I am someone who has not had to work to get to where I am?”

Her heart beated faster, but she didn’t pay heed to its warning, to its plea that she back down against someone raising their voice, even slightly.

“An heir is born,” she said, digging her nails into her palms. She could feel herself shaking.

“Usually, but not in my case,” he said, trying to keep his tone even, but annoyance made the baseline crumble a bit. Still, he lowered his voice, so Touko could breathe easier. “I had to compete against my siblings to become the sole heir. I, the youngest child, battling against people who in cases were decades older than me, had to prove myself... to everyone. They thought I would lose, but my hard work, intelligence and cunning made me victorious.”

The way he talked about it made it sound like some kind of competition. She bit her lip, not knowing what to say. What to think.

He saved her the trouble.

“By the way, I read what you wrote in there,” he said casually, pointing at her notebook.

Touko twitched. “You what?” she squawked.

She could have bitten his head off. Reading one of her works in progress...! Without permission...! He may as well have read her thoughts, or peeped in on her while she showered or got undressed.

“I have said that I abhor romance, as a genre and I object to it in life too, but you have a reputation,” he told her. “One of your books made fishermen popular with young women, and another with butlers. Pennyworth couldn’t leave the house with me without being inundated with admirers for months.”

He inclined his head, very slightly, not breaking eye contact.

“I admit I have read some of your works prior to enrolling, and this story here... You have not just talent, but an almost magical way with words. A gift. You could accomplish great things if you didn’t waste your time on a subject like romance. I don’t know why you’re throwing away your talent on something like that.”

Touko processed what he said and jolted with a spike of anger. She opened her mouth to retort but at this point, an older adult came in who Touko didn’t recognise as their homeroom teacher. For starters, she remembered their homeroom teacher to be a man.

This woman carried a comically large net over her shoulder that seemed to be holding an actual human being, and she straightened as she spotted Touko.

“Ah, you must be Fukawa-kun!” the teacher said with a smile, like she hadn’t just been caught kidnapping someone. “You saved me the effort of having to go find you.”

Touko ignored her. The teacher didn’t pursue the conversation further and walked over to a desk. She emptied her net there. Indeed, a human being had been in it, a tubby boy clutching a manga with a chibi girl on it that Touko suspected had been used as bait.

After he sat down, the teacher left the room, and conversations popped up again. No one paid attention to the two in the corner. Byakuya stared at her. Touko breathed in, aware that her heart was racing, that her face had grown hot.

He complimented her writing. Yes, he was unkind and a massive jerk, but she knew that he didn’t say that to try to win her over. His only intention was to say the truth. She trusted him... at least for this.

It had been ages since she received a compliment she felt was genuine.

“I’m... I’m not wasting my time,” she said. Her tongue struggled to cooperate, and she didn’t know what had come over her. Words turned into a mass of feathers in her mouth, clumped together by saliva. “Happy people write shallow novels, but the downtrodden, like me, see the world in its full spectrum and can vividly imagine an ideal world, envisioned in true beauty. Romance... is pure. It’s a source of hope and power.”

He grimaced.

“It’s a weakness,” he said. “A weakness to be exploited by others. People betray. Other people can’t be trusted. It infects you, taints your judgment. It’s idiocy.”

Her skin tingled, like grazed by fire. His honesty... burned hot.

“Love... gives you hope,” she said, tensing her shoulders. “It gives you purpose. In a book, even people who are ugly, smelly and stupid can experience it.”

But what he said about it... wasn’t wrong.

“That sounds delusional.” His expression didn’t change, and her heart sank.

They both continued to face each other. Byakuya’s gaze made her skin itch. She fidgeted, and noticing the donut that Aoi left behind, she picked it up and held it out.

“Here. Take this,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “You returned my book... and now we’re even.”

He scoffed.

“I don’t want that thing,” he said. “You could have poisoned it.”

She nearly dropped the donut and ogled him. “I...”

“I’ve survived assassination attempts from people more dangerous than you. I’m not an idiot,” he said. “Don’t think I trust you. I’m constantly on guard, analysing others’ tones of voice, lines of sight, minute changes in expression, posture... No one can be trusted. Not my former siblings, not my father and mother, and certainly not any of you.”

Touko couldn’t take her eyes off him. Earlier, she had seen him as a guy born into this position, with a silver spoon in his mouth and everything and anything given to him. Now, however, she didn’t see a spoiled brat who knew nothing of hardships, but someone who could see the world as she did, who must have seen things, been through things that people their age shouldn’t, that no one should. A coldness existed in his eyes, as cold as the surface of a mirror, as the shiver down her spine when she heard her door back at home creak open in the middle of the night.

But she wasn’t scared, no matter how much she trembled. He didn’t hide behind darkness, not like him. He didn’t hide behind lies, not like them.

Too soon, he faced forward, and something in her chest shifted. She put the donut down. At the front of the class, the teacher from before clapped her hands, having returned without Touko realising.

“We’re all here! Awesome. Right, I’ll be replacing your old homeroom teacher,” she said warmly. “Kizakura-san sends his warmest regards.”

She was replacing a teacher who they could only have had for a few weeks. This teacher wore a white apron over her blue dress. Her orange hair was styled in a ponytail with white ribbon, and her green eyes shone with determination, bright and young - she couldn’t have been that much older than them.

“Alright, so my name is Chisa Yukizome, and I hope to get close to all of you. Now, let’s do roll call,” said their new homeroom teacher, Chisa Yukizome, clasping her hands together.

As she called out names, Touko studied the back of Byakuya’s head. With a small smile and a wringing knot in her chest, she decided she might start attending classes more regularly.

#togafuka #touko fukawa #byakuya togami #danganronpa #togafukaweek #fanfiction #croatian rhapsody

[hollandandi]

“you weren’t supposed to hear that.”

——

entry for @underoosbws’s 3k writing challenge!🧠💓

tom or peter

type - mostly angst, some fluff🧠💓

word count - 2.5k

warnings - swearing/language

w/n; sorry I’ve been absent lately! family drama has been in my head! enjoy this! and let me know your thoughts, please!💓

tag-list; @therealme13posts @crxssourbones @space-starz

——

It had been two weeks since the secrets began filling the hallways, and each room of your shared apartment. It soon began infiltrating your phone, messages being deleted shortly after you pressed the send button and saw the ‘delivered’ font appear briefly. You would glance over to the brunette boy who would sit on the couch, zoned into whatever show was playing at the time of the day, before gently tapping details of the plan into your notes section, and sending screenshots to your closest friends to ensure the idea was bulletproof.

You spent your days online. Reading success stories of similar situations, and researching current trends to ensure you were going about it the right way. You would clear your history after any searches, and would log out of Amazon after any purchases. Your laptop went everywhere you did, and your phone suddenly had a passcode on it.

You felt guilty at times; confiding in your best friend over FaceTime on a Thursday night, in a cropped hoodie and pyjama shorts, but when Tom arrived home early one day, and heard you muttering things like “I just don’t know if this a good idea anymore,” and “I feel bad,” followed by you quickly ending the call when you heard his footsteps along the wooden floor of the main hallway, he finally lost it.

“What the hell are you hiding from me?!” He yelled, spitting anger throughout his tone. “I am tired of this, Y/N! You could not be more god damn secretive!” He raised his arms in a mix of exhaustion and frustration, before bringing them back down to his sides in a swift motion. His head shook, making his hair follow, while he looked up to you with dark eyes, that were equal parts hurt as they were mad. You stood there quietly for a few seconds after the latter outburst, and you stepped closer to him in an attempt to reduce the tension between your two bodies, which were simply standing in your shared loosely-lit bedroom. “I’m sorry, Tommy. It’s nothing, I promise. I’m just researching for a school proj-.”

“Bullshit, Y/N! If you want to lie to me, then at-least have some fucking respect, and don’t do it straight to my face.” He almost yelled, but his tone was more controlled now. His voice was laced with pure exasperation as he expressed his final comment, before turning around, shaking his head once more and slamming the door behind him.

By the time you had pulled open the wooden door which physically separated you, though, the front door was closed too. The handle was jittering due to the force he had used to slam it shut, and your face dropped. Your hands shook lightly, as you pulled them up to run through your slightly greasy hair - your gaze not leaving the closed door he had placed between you both. You sighed deeply, hoping he would not be out for long, so you made your shared-bed, turned on the lamp, and stayed up reading a book he had brought you from his last travel. But your initial hope was wrong; Tom didn’t come home that night.

The next day came, which happened to be a Thursday, and it was now the afternoon - but the morning had dragged you slower than you could have ever imagined. You didn’t know when he would be home, and after several morning hours doing unproductive activities, which included six cups of hot tea; you decided to try and at-least get some of your initial plans to progress. You opened your shared wardrobe, before rummaging through the jacket section and pulling out a large plastic box with three letters scribbled on the side. “Tom.”

As you laid all of the contents out on the living room rug, your body in a crossed leg position, you realised the situation was getting hectic. You attempted to continue the work independently at first, but it wasn’t long until you called a familiar face to help you along. To your surprise, Harrison was free. Majority of your thoughts assumed Tom would be with him, drinking an afternoon beer and expressing his irritations he had accumulated lately.

“No - he’s not here. I can definitely come over and help: we only have a few days left so if you need help, I’m there.” He smiled through the phone, before leaving his apartment and arriving at yours in around fifteen minutes. A couple of hours went by - scissors, glitter, glue, paper, sharpies and string were littered over the carpet. You had laid newspaper down, but it didn’t help that much - glitter was always going to end up everywhere. You were on your phone, ensuring people were still okay to join you on Saturday evening, which you received numerous ‘yes’ replies to, making you smile and feel a lot less nervous.

All was content, and as Harrison helped you pack the previous items, along with new creations, into the plastic container that usually lived in the wardrobe, you finalised a few things that were on your mind. And as the snap sound of the container plastic rang through both of your ears, you didn’t manage to hear the normally all-too-familiar car lock from outside the studio apartment.

Tom made his way to the front door, placing his key within the lock compartment before turning it clockwise to produce a faint ‘click’ unlocking noise, and pushing the door open slightly. He expected the sounds of a Netflix show to be ringing through the building, imagining you sitting on the couch, eating popcorn, either crying over a character death, or laughing at a joke. What he didn’t expect, however, was the sounds of his girlfriend and his best friend, laughing lightly and expressing future plans.

“And you’re still free on Saturday night?” You expressed, moving the box to a couch cushion, ready to be placed back in the bedroom once Harrison had left.

“All fine - I can’t wait, if I’m honest. Today has got me really excited.” He grinned, moving his jacket sleeves back down now any glue on his hands and arms had dried.

“Okay, great.” You smiled softly, tucking a piece of loose hair back in your ponytail carefully. “But remember, no telling Tom.” You looked seriously at him, your eyes not leaving his until he nodded and replied. “I know, I know. I won’t - I promise.” He stood up, stretching his legs out as he helped you with any loose rubbish you two had produced.

“Someone want to tell me why the fuck not?” A voice echoed through the hallway, and into the usually happy, laughter-filled living room. You heard the front door shut, along with the sound of a jacket being flung across the stair bannister, before footsteps marched along the wooden floor. “No telling Tom? Are you fucking serious?” He exclaimed, scoffing slightly as he spoke.

“Oh my, Tom, you, you weren’t supposed to hear that.” You stuttered, your eyes slightly wider before as you froze in your tracks, your eyes quickly glancing to the box that was still resting on the grey couch that was centred in the room.

“No shit. Why the fuck would I want to hear my best friend and my girlfriend making fucking secret plans?” He yelled now, looking at Harrison, before his gaze flicked to you, seeing your eyes drop, hurt filling them from his tone of voice.

“Tom, trust me, it’s nothing bad.” Harrison followed, stepping towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. Tom quickly shrugged it off, pushing it with his rough right hand, before looking at you, seeing you glance to the box again, trying to turn it with your hip so it was less out of sight.

“What the fuck is in there then? Hm? Clearly it’s got your bloody attention more than the current situation!” Tom’s eyes were dark now, more of a black than a brown. His jaw was tight, and veins were pulsing in his neck and arms as he began to storm over to the couch. Your instinct was to move in front of the box, facing him as your put your arms on his chest. You didn’t push him, but it was more of a physical barrier as you attempted to plead, while attempting to diffuse the situation in anyway you could. “Tom, really, it’s nothing. Just some stuff I’ve cleared out, I’m going to throw them away in a minute!” You let out, trying to move your head to stop his line of sight being available on the contents of the transparent box. This quickly frustrated him even more though, if that was even possible, proved by him grabbing your hands from his chest and pushing them down before moving you to the left of him and ripping off the grey, plastic lid.

He had no idea what to expect in the contents. His thoughts had been all over the place in the last twenty-four hours. It began with the cliché; lingerie, photographs, love letters, romantic gifts, all from other people, or simply, another guy. It moved to other ideas, some a lot more far-fetched than others - at one point the idea of you being an assassin popped up in his mind, but he quickly dismissed this, drank more of his beer, and moved onto a more rational idea, like you contemplating on different ways to break up with him. Advice columns on how to make break-ups easy, good lines to use when doing it, what to expect in the aftermath, etc. His eyebrows were raised, and his lip was bit - almost bleeding due to the pressure he was placing on it. His grip on the lid was tight, his knuckles practically bulging from his skin as he inhaled sharply and opened his eyes to see what the last two weeks had bubbled over for.

What he did not expect, though, was a box full of handmade, glittery banners that read expressions such as “Happy Birthday!”, tens of packets of party poppers, hundreds of metres of different colour streamers, too many balloons to count, and small packets of confetti and place-cards with family and friend’s names carefully written onto them. An invitation card laid on-top, one that had “Tom” written on the top row, with a small wink drawn next to it. After the typical line, ‘You are invited to the birthday party of...’, there was a three letter word, revealing the true intentions of his girlfriend in the past weeks. It explained the secrets, the quickly ended phone calls, the secretive texts, the consistent Amazon packages arriving at the door from places such as “PartiesRUs”, and finally, the all-nighters you had pulled throughout the time.

‘You are invited to the birthday party of...you.’

“I told you, you weren’t supposed to hear us.” You sighed, feeling slightly defeated - the cat was out of the bag. He knew, the surprise was gone.

Two months ago, on a Sunday morning, as the morning sun shone brightly through the curtains next to your shared bed, onto the white duvet cover you were both under, Tom expressed to you that he hadn’t had a birthday party in three years. Due to work, the difficulty to get a date everyone was available for, and one year, pure stupidity, the event had been missed. As soon as his confession left his lips, a plan formed in your mind. You checked his calendar app that night, while he was showering, choosing a date he was free and selecting the ‘busy’ option, but left the event blank.

As two weeks passed, secrets were filling the hallways of your apartment, along with his parent’s home, his friend’s homes, his colleagues’ homes and those of your family too. Each room of your shared apartment had hidden compartments, featuring essential additions to the date. Your bathroom had a basket of receipts under the sink, your kitchen had RSVP’d invitations in an blank envelope, pinned to the board next to the fridge, and your bedroom had a plastic container of decorations, some handmade by you and Harrison.

He dropped the invitation gently into the box, before turning around to face the girl he had yelled at two nights in a row. His eyebrows returned to their usual position, and his jaw loosened. His face dropped, his mouth parting slightly as his shoulders slumped. “I’m so,” He expressed slowly, “shit, my love, I’m so sorry.” He softly held your hand, standing close to you, before looking up to his best friend that was also standing beside him.

“Haz, I’m sorry too. My mind - it just, jumped to the worst conclusions.” He sighed, running his free-hand through his hair, as Harrison smiled sympathetically, patting his shoulder. “No hard feelings mate; we were probably a little too secretive. I’ll leave you two it, though.” He smiled at you, receiving a soft, and thankful, one back from you, before he nodded at Tom, and made his way out of the room.

“Love, I really am sorry - I just, my mind started racing; after all the things you were doing, and the call the other night.” His eyes dropped significantly, and you didn’t know whether you saw them water a little bit. “I thought you were planning on leaving me, especially after you were telling people you felt bad.” He sighed, moving his hair from his forehead, pushing it back. “I should have known you were planning something harmless, something thoughtful in-fact, so fucking thoughtful. But I had to come in and start yelling, screaming and just fucking the whole thing up. I can’t believe I’m such a idi-.”

His words were interrupted by your lips on his, pressing gently, with your right hand softly resting against his chest. He leant into the kiss, but didn’t harden it - this kiss was loving, but calm. It was a ‘I forgive you,’ kinda kiss, and it was all that he could hope for. His right hand laid on your hip, with his left cupping your cheek gently as the kiss continued for a few more seconds. As you slowly pried yourself from his lips, a soft smile curled on the corners of your lips once you saw he was grinning slightly, and a sigh of relief emerged from his lips. You gently nudged his shoulder with your fist, shaking your head jokefully before looking up to his gaze again.

“You’re half-forgiven. You’ll get the other half if I’m happy with your fake-surprised face on Saturday.” You laughed lightly, slowly taking the lid from the couch and clipping it back onto the box carefully. “And until then, no freaking out at me.”

“Deal.” He agreed, a smile plastered on his face as you hid the box behind the jackets, closing the wardrobe and walking back into the living room, where your slightly silly boyfriend was still standing.

“Okay, now show me your surprised face.”

“Bloody hell, that is awful, aren’t you supposed to be an actor or something?”

“Fuck off.” He laughed loudly, collaborating with an eruption of giggles from your lips. He may be a complete idiot, but at-least he was yours.

#jess3kwritingchallenge #tom holland blurb #tom holland imagine #tom holland series #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland au #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland #peter parker fluff #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker imagine #peter parker

[thewidowstanton]

Stav Meishar, multi-disciplinary performer and creator – The Escape Act: A Holocaust Memoir

Stav Meishar – a stage artist who mixes theatre, circus, music, dance, poetry and puppetry – was born and raised in Tel Aviv in Israel. She attended the Thelma Yellin High School of the Arts and has worked professionally as an actress since childhood, notably starring in Wicked’s original Israeli cast. 

After moving to the US in 2008, Stav has performed internationally in Hebrew, English and Yiddish. In 2012 she founded Petit Mort Productions to provide an outlet for multi-disciplinary artists whose works are “innovative, unique and perhaps a bit strange”. In 2013, her play The Dreamer and the Acrobat ran at the NY Frigid Festival, and she made her circus debut on silks in the Off-Broadway revival of The Megile of Itzik Manger.

Stav is now based in Bristol and this month embarks on a UK tour of her solo show The Escape Act: A Holocaust Memoir, which is based on the life of Jewish-German circus artist Irene Danner. Stav chats to Liz Arratoon in the run-up to its UK premiere at Jacksons Lane in London on 23 September 2019.

The Widow Stanton: Is there any showbusiness in your background? Stav Meishar: Almost everybody in my family is in love with the arts but nobody else makes it. Everybody does other things around it. My mother is an arts critic, lecturer and guide. She knows everything there is to know about arts but when I asked her if she ever wanted to make any, she said: “Heavens, no!” My dad owns a business he funded… it’s kind of hard to explain but it’s like an archive of Israeli folk dancing. So ever since I was little whenever a new Israeli folk dance would be created, he’d get the choreographer and a bunch of volunteer dancers and videotape it, with instructions, so that enthusiasts around the world can learn how to dance.

How did you start performing so young? I’ve always loved attention [laughs]. There’s video tapes of me when I’m two or three years old doing, like, hand puppetry. Not with actual puppets, just with my hands. I think it was a Mr and a Mrs who met at a movie theatre and fell in love. It was always something I wanted and I used to scour the newspapers when I was little for audition notices. So when there was one for an Israeli production of Oliver Twist I figured, why not be an orphan? [Laughs]

So you just auditioned and got the part? Yep! The production was first in Tel Aviv. There’s a big tradition in Israel on Hanukkah to have shows for the family because everyone’s off from school and the parents are going crazy trying to find something different for the kids. I was… 11, I think, and then the following year it toured all around Israel. I had a lovely time.

What happened about your schoolwork and all that boring stuff? If I remember correctly, the rehearsals were about a half-hour bus ride from my school and I had to get special permission to leave the last class a bit early, so that I could make it on time. All the kids were really mean to me about it: “Oh, you know, she’s hoity-toity with her rehearsals.” I’d rehearse every day and get home at about 7pm.

But being on tour… I think because Israel is so small it’s a bit different to what we think of as tours in the UK or US. There were about 50 kids in the cast so the production would hire a bus and I think there was at least one adult from the production with us.

Was the Thelma Yellin school like a Fame school or something? [Laughs] It’s pretty much what you imagine when you think of a performing arts school; a little bit like Fame. It’s a great school in Israel that still exists and has a great reputation. All the students have to be good at all the regular subjects. You can’t slack off in any of that but you also have to choose one of six artistic majors: theatre, classical music, jazz, cinema, visual arts and dance. So mine was theatre. I was there from 14 to 18.

Why did you move to the US? I always wanted to be in musical theatre, and originally the dream was London. I got accepted at a few schools here but none of them had international scholarships. There was a lot of crying and sadness around that [laughs] and then I picked myself up by the bootstraps and figured, ‘Well, I’ve got to come up with a plan B’, and I got accepted to a musical theatre programme in New York at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy that did have quite a generous international student scholarship.

I worked my arse off for about two years saving every shekel I could and got some help from my parents as well, God bless them, and yes, I moved to the States and studied musical theatre. I graduated and worked in professional musical theatre in New York for about a year and then one day I woke up and realised, ‘I hate it!’. Not musical theatre, I still love that, but the business around it; how mean everybody is and how soul-crunching open calls are. I couldn’t do it anymore.

This crisis was in about 2010 and I was in a really dark place for a while and decided, ‘I’m just going to see as much theatre and performing arts as I can and see if I can get inspired by any of it, and take as many classes as I can in all kinds of different things’. So I took yoga, and I took Pilates and all kinds of stuff… and I took a silks class and uh… well… yeah, fell in love. [Laughs]

Where did you learn your circus skills? I trained for a long time at the Circus Warehouse in New York, which is a fantastic space with really high-level professional training. It’s not a university, it’s not accredited, but the level is super high and the coaches are all fantastic.

I see also you play ukulele and do poi spinning… have you got anything else up your sleeve? I had a year or two of trying a bunch of different things. I still play the ukulele mostly for my own pleasure. I took a street show to the Edinburgh Fringe for a couple of years where I put together Shakepearean monologues with whatever was popular that day on MTV, on the ukulele. So Taming of the Shrew and how badly he treats her, how awful he is leading into  Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. That was fun for a little while.

Oh, and poi spinning… I do a lot of things none of them in any way as professional as I do theatre. You can’t do too many things well. You do a lot, you end up being OK at most of them. I’m skilled in a lot of things but wouldn’t consider myself expert in all of them. Theatre is where I’m most confident… history, specifically World War II history is something I’m very confident in, and Jewish education is something I feel an expert on. Circus is always a tricky thing because I’ve been doing it long but I have never done it with enough… let’s put it that way, I started late and I’m lazy.

Have you done stuff at Circomedia, being in Bristol? Yeah, I just did one year full time there, basically shadowing their foundation degree students doing all the practical stuff but none of the academic stuff, because I already have my degree. It sounds much more than I’m capable of. Yes, I just graduated from a full-time programme; I’m still pretty shit at circus but I never intended, like, I don’t market myself as an acrobat. I’m a multidisciplinary artist who has a lot of tools and because this current project is about a circus artist, I had to have some circus skills thrown into the melting pot of the show, but I’ve been really adamant with everybody where I’m performing, don’t market it as circus show or people will be really disappointed. It’s a theatre show. It has puppetry, it has circus but I’m no more a circus acrobat than I am a puppet master.

So let’s talk about The Escape Act. How did it come about? It was completely random. I started my Jewish education company, Dreamcoat Experience, and our niche, so to speak, was teaching progressive Jewish education using performing arts: drama, music, puppets, thing like that, and I started weaving circus methods into our curriculum. I was curious if anyone had done that before and I went to Google and I typed in ‘Circus Jews’ and one of the first things to come up was the New York Times obituary for Adolf Althoff, the German circus owner who saved this Jewish family. I just remember reading it and my jaw dropping to the floor going, ‘How is there not a movie about this?’. It was incredible. I just started going into this Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole from which I never emerged.

You’ve written about Irene Danner’s story for Circus Talk, but give us a brief outline of her story. In seven years of research, I uncovered a lot and it’s a big story. The short of it is, Irene, born Danner, was a descendent of the Lorch family, Jewish Circus royalty; they were the most famous Risley act of their time. They performed with the Ringling Brothers in America, they went on tour with Circus Sarrasani in South America, they really were the celebs of their time. The circus closed when she was about seven years old; they went bankrupt around 1930 with the rise of anti-semitism and people not really wanting to see ‘the Jew circus’ anymore.

Irene trained as a acrobat from when she was little and got her first job when she was 13, with Circus Busch. She was the flyer for the horse-riding troupe The Carolis and was there for three years until the law changed and Jews weren’t allowed to work anymore. About three years later she went to see the Circus Althoff and fell in love with their clown, Peter Bento. Peter asked Adolf if he would give her a job. Adolf knew it wasn’t legal but he didn’t really give a shit, excuse the language. That’s his, not mine. She was not allowed to marry Peter because of the racial laws of the time but they had two kids during the war and three more afterwards.

At some point when the Jews were starting to get deported, she persuaded Mr Althoff to let her family join as well; so her sister and her parents, and all four of them survived the war. Other members of her family didn’t make it. If you visit their house there are a few stumbling stones outside for all those who perished. The idea is that you shouldn’t just be reminded of the Holocaust when you decide to be by going to a memorial, but that you stumble upon them.

The Escape Act is as faithful to the story as I could make it but I took some artistic liberties. For example, she joined the Althoff circus because she fell in love, but in the show I’ve made it that she joins because she misses performing and she wants to do what she loves. It’s a bit of a feminist twist; she’s making her own path.

So in the show, you’re doing a bit of trapeze and juggling but it’s a theatre show? It is definitely a theatre show. It’s quite text heavy.

How did you go about your research? I started at the Yad Vashem Museum – the big Holocaust museum in Israel – because the obit mentioned that Adolf Althoff and his wife Maria, had received the honour of the title ‘The Righteous Among the Nations’ from Yad Vashem, which is a special sort of order, I guess, for Gentiles who saved Jews during World War II. As they’d given them this honour I assumed they’d have files on them and indeed they had.

They had interviews with both Adolf and Irene… photos… and then I just started visiting museums, archives, libraries, just picking information wherever I could, speaking to whoever I could. I wish I spoke German; my research would have been so much better. A lot of my info came from a wonderful book called Jewish Identities in German Popular Entertainment. It’s the only English book available that talks about circus performers in Germany during that era. Of course I looked at the bibliography and saw where I could branch off from there.

One of the books I got in German is this tiny little book that’s all interviews and testimonies from Irene, her husband, Adolf, basically everybody involved. I crowd-sourced the translation. I just reached out on Facebook and got something like ten German speakers to translate two chapters each voluntarily. So I got the whole book translated out of the goodness of their hearts. One of my favourite things described was the friendship that Irene and her husband had with a Moroccan acrobat called Mohammed; Muslim, of course, and being Jewish, I was like, yes, Jewish/Muslim friendship, yay! He was their best friend during the war and he helped hide them, he protected them, they were really each other’s backbone.

Years later when I went to Irene’s town and interviewed her kids, who are now in their seventies, I asked them if they were still in touch with any of the saviours. Her eldest son was like: “Ja, ja, we still speak, Christmas cards, birthday cards, but the one we are really in touch with, we speak every week on the phone, is Uncle Momo.” It just took me a second… I’m like, ‘Do you mean Mohammed?’. He goes: “Yes, yes, he lives in Tangier now.” ‘I’m sorry, is he still alive?’. “Yes, he just celebrated his 94th birthday.”

It was just incredible! So here I am in a living room in Germany, learning that there’s one person still alive from that era, and here’s the real amazing thing… this was in May and in June my husband and I were booked on our honeymoon, guess where? Morocco! That was incredibly random. It was meant to be. I told Irene’s son, ‘It so happens we’re going to Morocco. Will you please connect me with Mohammed?’. So a few weeks later, there we were in his living room in Tangier.

What does it mean to you to be performing the show in Germany on the anniversary of Kristallnacht? I think I’m actually more terrified than honoured, because her kids are probably going to be there and I’m so terrified that they’ll be angry at me for making changes. That’s my own demons and whatnot. I think as an artist it’s something of a trait to imagine a worst-case scenario. It’s something we do to ourselves but I’m sure it will a wonderful experience and hopefully her kids will love it. I did ask for their blessing and they gave it to me.

But just talking to you I get emotional about bringing the show on Kristallnacht because this is where it all took place. Even when I visited there last year it was really emotionally difficult to be in that synagogue where I know Kristallnacht happened, and to be in the family’s home where I know Irene saw her own grandmother being snatched away. In those places there’s a visceral element to being in the spot where it happened. Like visiting Auschwitz is different than reading about it. And there is a scene in the show that takes place on Kristallnacht, so to be at the synagogue where it actually happened, in the town where it actually happened, in front of that family, I mean, it’s… ahh! It’s an incredible gift that they’ve given me to invite me to do my show there.

Do you feel, with the rise of the far right, that your show is even more relevant now and it’s even more important that people should hear this story? Yes, absolutely. It’s been in my mind ever since I started researching this history, and every time I think it’s going to become less relevant, it has to get better from here, it doesn’t. It’s getting worse. Every historian has this feeling of helplessness where you see history repeating itself and yet people do it anyway. Even with Germany and all that history, when I talk politics to people, they’re like: “Oh, but it’s getting better now. Gays have the right to marry, trans people are accepted.” But if you look at history, the Weimar Republic happened right before the Nazi regime. They had, like, the biggest gay parties, they had cross-dressers, they had cabarets, they had this amazing period of artistic and sexual liberation and then this happened. I’m not sure that an improvement necessarily says an upward motion.

When I first starting working on the show the thing I really kept thinking about was how the Holocaust was taught to me. Growing up in Israel it’s a big subject in our curriculum. We study it, I dare say, a bit too early, but one of the most powerful experiences that I had growing up and that I saw as a Jewish educator in America is that schools would bring survivors to tell their stories first hand. And that’s always been for me and my students the most powerful experience, more than watching movies, more than seeing pictures of naked skinny bodies. Just having a person there telling you this is what happened, this is what they did to me, to my sister, to my parents, it’s different. And it’s a resource that’s not going to be available forever. Survivors are dying out and the thought that led me in this work is, ‘OK, what experience can I create that would get as close to a first-hand telling as possible?’.

I’d like to think this show is a good alternative. It’s not perfect, it’s never going to replicate that, but telling a story in the first person as if it were my story and taking those moments of stepping away from the character, and being myself and telling my own experiences, more about the after-effects it has, I think that’s powerful for everyone. What’s it like for someone who is descendent of refugees from a genocide? How does that affect you? Here’s this person who was never in the camps, who never starved and who had a pretty cushy, privileged life and yet there’s this scar that was her inheritance, and it’s never going to go away.

Would you say this show is the highlight of your career so far? It’s definitely the most ambitious project I’ve taken. I’ve been a performer for most of my life but I’ve always interpreted other people’s work. That’s what actors do, and this is not the first time I’m doing my own project but it’s the first time I’m doing, first of all a project that I’ve vested so much time and effort in, but it’s also the first project that has autobiographical elements. So the show I would say is 95 per cent Irene’s story but the rest is me and my history.

The way it’s structured is when there are points when her experiences sort of trigger my own memories growing up, I take a step out of Irene and become myself, the house lights go up and I talk to the audience about my own experiences. It’s a wonderful thing as an artist to be able to share that sort of vulnerability with an audience, and it’s absolutely terrifying and it’s difficult. It’s so raw and it’s weird because those things haven’t happened to me. I’m telling the stories of my ancestors and still, yeah, it’s right there in the really innermost parts.

Stav Meishar performs The Escape Act: A Holocaust Memoir at Jacksons Lane in London on 23 and 24 September 2019, before a UK tour.

Picture credits: Michael Blase; Asaf Sagi; Kati Rapia: Shirin Tinati: Gilad Kfir

For Jacksons Lane tickets, click here 

For tour dates, click here

Stav’s website

Twitter: @stavmeishar

Follow @TheWidowStanton on Twitter

#stav meishar #the escape act #holocaust #theatre interview #jacksons lane #circus #aerialist #jewish artist #yad vashem

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Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens tunes that she wrote greater than a decade back, the girl who came to get recognized only since the piano teacher offered what, in hindsight, seems like an eerie glimpse of her possess long term.

Im relocating away today to an area so far away, wherever no one is familiar with my title, she wrote inside the lyrics of a track referred to as Transferring.

When she wrote that music, she was youthful and vivacious, a piano Trainer and freelance music writer who cherished Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Appears, extended walks and every thing about Big apple.

On a type of beloved walks, as a result of Central Park in the bright sun of a June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and made an effort to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. Following the assault, the words and phrases to her track came true. She moved absent, from Ny city, outside of her aged lifetime, and all but her closest buddies did not know her identify. To the remainder of the earth, she was — such as the extra well known jogger attacked in Central Park seven several years earlier — an nameless symbol of an urban nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, about the tenth anniversary with the attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her comprehensive recovery from brain trauma. She is 42, married, with a small little one. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and he or she wishes to tell her story, her way.

Her health practitioner informed her it might just take 10 years to recover, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my existence has long been redefined by Central Park, she explained various days ago, her voice smooth and hopeful. Prior to park; immediately after park. Will there ever be a time Once i dont Consider, Oh, this is the 10th anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch residence within a wooded subdivision inside of a Big apple suburb. She sat inside a eating area strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, darkish-haired 2-calendar year-previous daughter. A Steinway grand stuffed half the home, and at a single stage she sat down and performed. Her actively playing was forceful, but she appeared ashamed to Engage in various bars, and shrugged, instead of answering, when asked the title on the piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June 4, 1996, the working day Once i was hurt.

Hers was the first within a string of attacks by a similar gentleman on four Gals more than eight days. The last sufferer, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was beaten to Demise as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and eventually, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to lifestyle in prison.

Nonetheless the assault to the piano Trainer is definitely the a single persons appear to keep in mind one of the most. Component of the fascination has got to do with echoes of the 1989 attack over the Central Park jogger. But it also frightened people in a method the attack about the jogger didn't simply because its instances ended up so mundane.

It didn't happen inside of a distant Element of the park late in the evening, but near a well-liked playground at 3 in the afternoon. It could have took place to any individual. The stress was heightened by the mystery on the piano instructors id.

For three times, as law enforcement and Health professionals experimented with to discover who she was, she lay in the coma in her hospital mattress, anonymous. Her dad and mom ended up on getaway and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Last but not least, amongst her students acknowledged a police sketch and was in a position to recognize her from the medical center by her fingers, for the reason that her experience was swollen further than recognition. The law enforcement did not release her identify.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio apartment on West 57th Road, then Placing her long hair inside a ponytail and likely out for any walk. She doesn't bear in mind the attack, Though she has read the accounts in the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its similar to a actuality I realized and memorized, she reported. Like I had been a pupil at school researching heritage.

She does not contemplate The person who did it. I might need been angry for the minute, but not for much longer than that, she explained. How could I be angry at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I assume by our criteria he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical doctor at Big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Medical Middle, as it was acknowledged in 1996, instructed reporters that she experienced a 10 % potential for survival. Physicians had to get rid of her forehead bone, which was afterwards changed, for making place for her swelling brain. When her mother made a general public appeal to pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Just after 8 days, she came outside of a coma, very first inside of a vegetative point out, then in the childlike condition. As she recovered, she slept minor and talked continuously, sometimes in gibberish. I used to be finding mad at people once they didnt respond to these phrases, she mentioned.

Like an Alzheimers individual, she had very little shorter-expression memory and would forget about site visitors the moment they still left the place.

More than a number of months, she needed to relearn how to stroll, gown, read through and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented everyday to Engage in guitar for her. He inspired her to Enjoy the piano, in opposition to the recommendation of her Bodily therapists, who considered she could be frustrated by her inability to Participate in just how she after experienced. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets together with her, participating in the left-hand aspect while she played the best.

That was my most effective therapy, she stated.

In August, she moved back again household to New Jersey, along with her father, an engineer, and mom, a schoolteacher. She visited outdated haunts and identified as pals, making an attempt to revive her shattered memory. I used to be really obsessed with remembering, she said. Any memory decline was to me a sign of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists thought her progress was fantastic, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced dropped the opportunity to cry, just as if a faucet within her brain were turned off. Just one night time, 9 months soon after she was damage, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham movie A The perfect time to Eliminate. Just following her father experienced absent to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two men who experienced raped his young daughter.

The faucet opened, plus the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought of my moms and dads, my father, and whatever they went through, she mentioned. Minimal by little, my emotion returned, my depth of intellect returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back to school and got a masters diploma in music instruction.

Not anything went very well. She and Mr. Scherr split up five years following the assault, while they remain buddies. She dated other Adult males, but she often explained to them in regards to the assault instantly — she couldn't assistance it, she claimed — plus they in no way called for your 2nd date.

We now have to search out you a person, her Good friend David Phelps, a guitar participant, mentioned four decades in the past, prior to introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and novice drummer. For at the time, she didn't say everything with regard to the attack right up until she obtained to understand Mr. McCann, after which you can when she did, he admired her strength.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had frequently visited her at her bedside when she was inside the clinic, married them in his Occasions Sq. Office environment. She wore a blue dress and pearls. While she was Expecting, within a burst of creative imagination, she and her pals recorded Whilst Have been Youthful, an album of childrens tracks that she had composed prior to the assault, including the track Moving. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, produced the CD. On it, her spouse plays drums and he or she plays electrical piano.

Is her existence as it had been? Not precisely, although she is unwilling to attribute the differences to her accidents. Her very last two piano pupils still left her, devoid of calling to explain why, she stated. She has resumed participating in classical tunes, but uncomplicated pieces, mainly because her daughter isn't going to give her time and energy to exercise. As for jazz, I dont even try, she stated.

She would want to drive much more, sensation stranded while in the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be content with keeping house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a scientific professor of neurological surgical treatment at what's now termed Ny-Presbyterian Healthcare facility/Weill Cornell Professional medical Heart, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann once the attack, said last week that her volume of recovery was rare. Shes fundamentally regular, he stated.

Other industry experts, who will be not Individually acquainted with Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, are more careful.

Regaining a chance to Engage in the piano might include an almost mechanical course of action, a semiautomatic remember of just what the fingers must do, mentioned Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of medical rehabilitation drugs at Big apple College University of Drugs. At the time Mind-injured, you will be generally brain-injured, For the remainder of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay stated. There isn't a get rid of, There's only intensive compensation.

The more telling Section of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns marriage and youngster as a significant victory.

For her element, the piano Instructor is aware she has modified, but she has designed her peace with it. I used to be type of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a Type A, but I was ambitious, she suggests. Why was I so ambitious? I had been a piano Trainer. I dont understand what the ambition was about. I actually did come back to the individual Im purported to be.

[redkiteradio]

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Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens songs that she wrote greater than ten years back, the lady who arrived being known only given that the piano teacher available what, in hindsight, seems like an eerie glimpse of her own upcoming.

Im relocating absent nowadays to a place so far-off, where by nobody understands my identify, she wrote inside the lyrics of a song named Going.

When she wrote that music, she was younger and vivacious, a piano Instructor and freelance songs writer who liked Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, lengthy walks and every little thing about New York.

On a kind of beloved walks, via Central Park in the intense sun of a June day in 1996, a homeless drifter defeat her and tried to rape her, leaving her clinging to lifestyle. After the attack, the words and phrases to her tune came genuine. She moved away, outside of Ny city, from her previous everyday living, and all but her closest pals didn't know her identify. To the rest of the planet, she was — similar to the additional famed jogger attacked in Central Park seven a long time earlier — an nameless symbol of an urban nightmare. She was the piano Instructor.

Now, on the tenth anniversary in the attack, she's celebrating what is apparently her complete Restoration from brain trauma. She is 42, married, with a little boy or girl. She's Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and she or he wants to inform her story, her way.

Her physician instructed her it could take a decade to Get well, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my life has long been redefined by Central Park, she reported several days ago, her voice gentle and hopeful. Before park; immediately after park. Will there at any time certainly be a time when I dont Imagine, Oh, This can be the tenth anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch house inside a wooded subdivision in the New York suburb. She sat in a dining area strewn with toys, surrounded by pictures of her cherubic, darkish-haired 2-calendar year-old daughter. A Steinway grand crammed half the home, and at just one level she sat down and performed. Her participating in was forceful, but she seemed humiliated to play more than a few bars, and shrugged, rather than answering, when asked the identify from the piece. She asked that her daughter and her city not be named.

She phone calls that day, June four, 1996, the working day After i was damage.

Hers was the 1st in a string of assaults by the same person on four Gals about 8 days. The last target, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was overwhelmed to death as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleansing shop, and in the long run, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to lifestyle in prison.

Yet the attack about the piano Trainer will be the a person folks appear to keep in mind one of the most. A part of the fascination must do with echoes of your 1989 attack on the Central Park jogger. But What's more, it frightened persons in a method the assault on the jogger did not since its circumstances were so mundane.

It did not happen in the remote Component of the park late at night, but close to a popular playground at 3 from the afternoon. It might have took place to any individual. The strain was heightened via the secret with the piano lecturers identity.

For three times, as police and Medical doctors tried to see who she was, she lay in the coma in her hospital bed, nameless. Her parents were being on getaway and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Finally, one among her pupils regarded a police sketch and was in a position to discover her while in the clinic by her fingers, simply because her encounter was swollen beyond recognition. The law enforcement didn't release her name.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is providing a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Street, then Placing her lengthy hair inside of a ponytail and likely out for any stroll. She doesn't try to remember the assault, Even though she has heard the accounts with the police and prosecutors.

To me its just like a fact I discovered and memorized, she said. Like I have been a university student in class researching heritage.

She doesn't consider the man who did it. I might have been indignant for just a minute, although not a lot longer than that, she said. How could I be indignant at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I guess by our expectations he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her health practitioner at Big apple Medical center-Cornell Healthcare Heart, as it had been recognised in 1996, explained to reporters that she had a ten percent chance of survival. Medical practitioners experienced to get rid of her forehead bone, which was afterwards changed, to generate place for her swelling Mind. When her mom manufactured a public appeal to pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Just after eight times, she came away from a coma, 1st in a vegetative point out, then in the childlike state. As she recovered, she slept minor and talked regularly, often in gibberish. I was acquiring mad at persons once they didnt reply to these words and phrases, she said.

Like an Alzheimers affected person, she had very little brief-term memory and would forget people when they remaining the home.

Over quite a few months, she had to relearn the best way to stroll, dress, study and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented every day to Participate in guitar for her. He encouraged her to Perform the piano, in opposition to the recommendation of her Actual physical therapists, who imagined she can be annoyed by her incapacity to Engage in how she when had. Mr. Scherr performed Beatles duets along with her, enjoying the still left-hand component even though she performed the correct.

Which was my finest therapy, she said.

In August, she moved again residence to New Jersey, with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She visited outdated haunts and named buddies, striving to restore her shattered memory. I had been pretty obsessed with remembering, she mentioned. Any memory loss was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists thought her progress was terrific, but her two sisters protested that she was not the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced misplaced a chance to cry, like a faucet inside of her Mind had been turned off. One night, nine months right after she was harm, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham movie A Time for you to Destroy. Just following her father had gone to mattress, she watched a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two Adult males who experienced raped his young daughter.

The faucet opened, and also the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my mom and dad, my father, and whatever they went by, she stated. Minimal by tiny, my experience returned, my depth of thoughts returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back to school and obtained a masters degree in tunes training.

Not every thing went effectively. She and Mr. Scherr break up up five years after the assault, although they continue to be buddies. She dated other Adult males, but she usually instructed them in regards to the attack without delay — she could not assistance it, she claimed — plus they under no circumstances referred to as to get a 2nd date.

We now have to locate you anyone, her Mate David Phelps, a guitar player, said 4 yrs in the past, ahead of introducing her to Liam McCann, a computer technician and novice drummer. For once, she did not say nearly anything regarding the assault till she obtained to grasp Mr. McCann, after which you can when she did, he admired her strength.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who experienced typically visited her at her bedside when she was inside the healthcare facility, married them in his Moments Sq. Business. She wore a blue costume and pearls. While she was Expecting, inside of a burst of creativity, she and her mates recorded Even though Have been Young, an album of childrens tunes that she had created ahead of the assault, such as the song Relocating. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, manufactured the CD. On it, her husband performs drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her lifestyle as it was? Not specifically, although she is hesitant to attribute the discrepancies to her accidents. Her last two piano pupils remaining her, with out calling to clarify why, she explained. She has resumed enjoying classical audio, but easy parts, due to the fact her daughter won't give her time and energy to observe. As for jazz, I dont even check out, she claimed.

She would want to push extra, emotion stranded inside the suburbs, but she is easily rattled. She attempts to be articles with being house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological operation at precisely what is now known as Big apple-Presbyterian Clinic/Weill Cornell Clinical Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann following the attack, explained final 7 days that her volume of recovery was exceptional. Shes in essence regular, he reported.

Other gurus, who will be not personally knowledgeable about Ms. Kevorkian McCanns scenario, are more careful.

Regaining the opportunity to Engage in the piano may well entail an Pretty much mechanical course of action, a semiautomatic recall of exactly what the fingers need to do, claimed Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of scientific rehabilitation drugs at Big apple University Faculty of Medicine. As soon as Mind-injured, you happen to be always brain-hurt, For the remainder of your life, Dr. Ben-Yishay mentioned. There is absolutely no cure, There is certainly only intensive compensation.

The more telling part of a recovery, in his watch, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns marriage and child as a significant victory.

For her aspect, the piano Trainer knows she has adjusted, but she has manufactured her peace with it. I had been form of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a sort A, but I had been formidable, she says. Why was I so formidable? I used to be a piano Instructor. I dont determine what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the person Im imagined to be.

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* Don't be something that you're most certainly not. While it's conceivable to feign your way through a prospective employee meeting, don't mess with yourself when purchasing a business.

* Work with what abilities you have. Finding out about another item or industry is simpler than taking in another aptitude without any preparation.

Think about where your most prominent qualities lie. It might be that you are great at deals. Or on the other hand advertising. Overseeing representatives. Client taking care of. You have to detect that one key expertise, which you accept will, over all others, be the main impetus to make you a triumph. After you have recognized what kind of business will flourish from your qualities, the procedure will be simpler for you.

In this manner, utilizing your very own abilities and gifts and applying these to the correct business will see your business go far. Applying for a business that may return incredible benefits yet doesn't count with what you know, will at last, fall flat.

Purchasing a business might be unique in relation to purchasing a home, however there is as yet one shared factor. Subsequent to making notes and visiting a waitlist of houses, they will at that point find that they have discovered "The One". This was on the grounds that they were building their "Brilliant Rules". They noted what they enjoyed, which may have been in discrete houses, however in one property, everything met up.

Which is actually equivalent to a business. The correct business will have everything set up, for example, the measure of workers; development potential and the abilities that you need to incorporate.

So decide your qualities and shortcomings and apply these to your hunt. That way, you stand a decent possibility of getting a business that is directly for you and will demonstrate to be an extraordinary achievement.

Standard TWO: SELLER FINANCING LOWERS THE RISK

Imagine a scenario in which you were to purchase something that didn't have a certification. For instance, a vehicle. You're driving along - the wing mirror tumbles off, trailed by the entryways and afterward the motor blows. That is the reason for all intents and purposes all merchandise have a certification.

In business, carefully, there isn't such an unbelievable marvel as a certification, yet the close comparable is merchant fund. A vender can't ensure your prosperity - in fact, in the event that they have delighted in progress with their business, it will be down to you to ensure that you progressing nicely. So for what reason would a vender need to help account a more bizarre's buy of their business which they have supported?

There are three key reasons:

* Finance expands the quantity of potential purchasers

* Finance is regular in independent company buys

* Sellers can ordinarily get a higher price tag on the off chance that they give some portion of the financing.

So hence, the dealer may have displayed a pretty image of the organization business to a conceivable purchaser, yet the purchaser can't approve these cases. So in this way, what better method for engrossing the "chance" figuratively speaking by offering to help account the buy (which would then be able to be paid back after some time). Accordingly, dealer financing adds believability to the business and lifts the purchaser's certainty.

Guideline THREE: BUY, DON'T LOOK

There are numerous organizations to be discovered on the web, and keeping in mind that a portion of these might be excessively expensive or excessively defective, there are as yet numerous great ones to be had.

The issue is that it's anything but difficult to get sucked into the propensity for looking as opposed to purchasing. Such decision, however some of the time, individuals never complete the real purchasing procedure.

So as to make a fruitful purchase and to not give the procedure a chance to delay for a really long time, a great standard guideline is to set yourself a fixed course of events to finish the venture. A genuine deal will take close to a half year, inasmuch as you handle the strategy effectively. With the goal that implies that you ought not sit idle on organizations that you can't manage the cost of or organizations that aren't an ideal choice for you. Concentrate on what business IS directly for you and afterward search in like manner. The end game ought to be to get in contact with a waitlist of potential business merchants, and thusly, you will extensively quicken the purchasing procedure.

Standard FOUR: RESEARCH THE SECRETS

This is valid, so what you should do is to reveal any potential issues or issues before you purchase. The Due Diligence time frame as it is now and again known is anything but a budgetary survey period, yet rather an exhaustive examination of significant perspectives including Financials; Assets; Sales; Marketing; Employees; Systems; Competitions; Customers; Contracts; Suppliers and Legal Issues.

Start to research a business when you spot one that you like, since there may not be an ideal opportunity to direct a point by point survey sometime later. In this way, utilize the web, visit the library, ring around contenders and get each piece of detail that you can discover on the potential organization. Everything that you wish to know can be found, so get splitting and discover. A careless frame of mind will demonstrate exorbitant over the long haul. Furthermore, never take into account a Due Diligence phase of under 20 working days.

Principle FIVE: NOBODY'S PERFECT

In principle there is an ideal business - one that comes without issues, dangers or challenge. Practically speaking, this business doesn't exist. In any business there will consistently be a component of hazard.

What you need to do is to evaluate the amount of a snag these issues are to you. Are the issues huge or little? When you have distinguished whether the issues are minor occurrences or full-scale catastrophes really taking shape, you need to perceive that you have to take a liberal (yet not neglectful) way to deal with this procedure.

You have to dissect the results that these potential issues may have on the fruitful structure of your business. In the event that there are any issues, meet the dealer to examine these, and how these can be best settled.

In any case, most importantly, don't continue searching for the "Impeccable Business" as this is something that doesn't really exist. Go for the one that is directly for you - imperfections and everything.

Standard SIX: PAYING TOP PRICE MAY NOT BE SO COSTLY

In principle this may sound insane, yet assuming that the vender won't move on the asking cost and other potential purchasers with enough cash to wrap everything up are compromising your business buy of a lifetime?

In any case, more to the point, assuming that you feel that you can cause a genuine to go of the business? Simply envision that after you purchase the business, you make a major benefit. That is the reason at times, it's OK to pay as much as you can manage.

Insofar as the asking cost isn't excessively silly. And furthermore ensure that you can construct your benefits to a solid level. A decent valuation technique, truth be told, is to perceive what the business has created for the seller previously. Take a gander at benefits, compensations and advantages, and after that re-survey how reasonable the seller is being with the asking cost.

By the day's end however, it is smarter to purchase a decent business at a somewhat more expensive rate than to purchase an awful business at a deal cost.

Principle SEVEN: A BAD OWNER OR A BAD BUSINESS?

A point to accept when looking into organizations is to survey the development capability of every one.

Assume that a business you like has been doing tolerably well - not much, making back the initial investment maybe, yet that is it. Well truth be told, this could be down to the proprietor as opposed to how great the business is.

This implies try not to be put off by this, since it's potentially the proprietor's shortcoming for reasons unknown. You currently have a major chance to turn things around and revitalise the business to the point where you can really make a difference in huge profits. Look at the Big Picture here - investigate how can you get the most potential out of the business and you will be on the way to making a very worthwhile investment.

RULE EIGHT: DON'T GET TOO EMOTIONAL

On the road to owning a business, it's necessary to keep your enthusiasm and excitement apart from the logical approach that must be taken. You will find that you will be confronted with many decisions and new situations to take. So you will need to keep a clear head in order to navigate your way through.

There are problems with getting too emotional about buying a business.

* You lose focus on the task. You want to buy a business that has solid foundations for future success and room to grow. That means you need to undertake level-headed research and not let your enthusiasm for a business get in the way of rational thinking.

* You criticise or dismiss a business without knowing the full facts. Dangerous, since an initial dismissive view of a potentially rewarding business means that you lose out. Don't make any drastic judgments without learning the full facts.

* You get excited about the product and forget what pays the bills. The end game of this is to make a good, decent profit. So don't concentrate on the flashy, exciting product or service that you could sell, since this is only secondary to the most important goal of all.

RULE NINE: DON'T BE BULLIED INTO MAKING A DECISION

Never be bullied or forced into a decision. You may find that the seller is being extremely friendly and optimistic when you meet. Fair enough, they may well be like that naturally, but on this occasion, it's best to be cautious.

At the end of the day, the vendor wants to make a sale, and there's a chance that their niceties are a subtle way of getting you to buy. Likewise, the experts such as accountants or lawyers will be as nice as pie, but then they would, since they're earning their wages from you.

Only you can make the final decision, so don't let anyone else sway this.

RULE TEN: MAKE SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT

If you are going to survive in the business game, you really need to have a genuine passion for it. Simply making ends meet to pay the bills will not stand you in good stead for this.

So that means that you have to look at every aspect of your future working life? What will be your daily tasks? Will you be able to familiarise yourself with the operation? Will you enjoy working with these employees, suppliers and customers every day?

For one moment, forget about the money. Focus on whether you will enjoy running the business. You need to get tremendous satisfaction from what you do, otherwise you will have wasted all that time and money. That passion, that fire in your belly needs to be there in order to achieve the results and profits that you want.

[maritzaerwin]

7 Common Pitfalls of Remote Working

So, you decided to join the bandwagon and started teleworking, but to your dismay, it does not seem to be the ideal job as you first imagined it to be. You then start to question if switching to a remote job was the right move after all.

Before throwing in the towel and say goodbye to teleworking, you can backtrack a few steps and see if you have fallen into some common remote work pitfalls. More importantly, go through some of the steps that you can take to overcome these challenges.

Why People Switch to Remote Work

There are many reasons why a lot of people seek remote jobs. For many, it’s a great way to balance work, family, and travel, for some it is an escape from the struggles of the daily commute, and for others, they understand that teleworking is here to stay. They choose to seek career advancement in this arena as it is a thriving industry after all plus it has known benefits too. 

Remote work has definitely climbed up the worldwide ranks as a more preferred way to earn a living. In fact, in the United States alone, around 5 million people work from home and 35% of those who do not, look forward to finding opportunities to work from home in the future.

However, remote work is not without challenges. Study shows that a significant percentage of remote workers struggle with loneliness, lack of communication, and issues in time management. If you are part of these statistics and feel that this kind of work isn’t for you, here you can learn the seven critical items that can make anyone say that this type of job is unsatisfying.

Why Remote Work is Not Working for You

Remote working can be a fulfilling way to make a living if you have the right attitude and mindset so do not lose hope just yet.

Here are some of the common pitfalls of remote working and tips on how you can get out of them fast. 

1. The Doorway Effect

Have you ever tried walking into a room and suddenly forgetting why you went there in the first place? That is the doorway effect. 

The doorway effect is what psychologists describe as the resetting of the brain as soon as you walk through a door, causing a mental block and making you forget what you are doing there. This is a common problem among remote workers who live with small kids or with other people who constantly call or need their attention.

When you repeatedly need to get up from your work desk to attend to someone else’s needs or to do a house chore, you lose your concentration and momentum, making you lose time and ideas. This can leave you exhausted and not to mention, very unproductive.

This then can ultimately lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and even frustration about not being able to do many things at the same time. 

What to do — You need to manage your time effectively and stick to it. Finalize your work schedule then set proper expectations with your family that you need to be “at work” during those hours and request that they honor it. You can also hang a do-not-disturb sign on your door or on your desk to remind anyone not to barge in or intrude. By doing this, you are assured of uninterrupted focus time which can then lead to better productivity.

2. Zero Accountability

The key to your own success is personal accountability. Understand that by fulfilling your tasks correctly and on time, you are contributing to your team or company’s success. When you have zero accountability and miss deadline after deadline, this can ultimately lead to your team’s downfall and every one carries the burden.

Signs that you are lacking in this department include blaming other people or the situation for your poor performance and low output, you delay working on things until the very last minute and even miss deadlines at times, and lastly, you do not believe in the goals of the team which results to your lack of motivation to work.

What to do — Understand what your role is, find out what your team expects from you, then go above and beyond to complete your tasks. Stop procrastinating! No one is perfect but make it a habit to reflect on your past errors or mistakes, so you can work on doing better in the future.

3. Caught Napping

This is when you are in a position that you are in no way prepared to do it or have had little preparation for. This could be that you realized too late that you are not as skilled in a certain area of your work, or you do not have the proper tools needed to complete your task, or this can also be not knowing what to do simply because you were not paying attention to the instructions when they were given. This can definitely make you feel frustrated and even demotivated especially when called out.

Nothing is as bad as realizing that you do not have the right tools four hours before the work is due.

One can hope that the process of getting a successful online job is as simple as 1. Upload resume to LinkedIn 2. Get hired and then 3. Get paid. It is not. 

Remote work requires a lot of preparation and a continuous one at that. You also need to work smart. Before applying for the job, you make sure that you have the right skills for the job via education or training and that you have the right tools needed for it. Once you have landed the job, you upskill so you are ready for the ever-evolving technology required to do your work. You even prepare daily so you can do your work smoothly and efficiently. Preparation reduces cramping and work-related anxiety, so you need to step up your game.

What to do — Get clarity on your tasks, take notes on things that seem vague so you can do your research later or check with your manager, and most importantly, act on them. Note that there is a big difference between knowing and acting based on that knowledge.

4. Communication Breakdown

A big contributing factor to your success as a remote worker is communication. Because meetings and touch bases are done virtually, so many things can get lost along the way. Trying to get a message across the internet effectively has its challenges; when this is not remedied, communication breakdown happens. This then leads to unmet expectations or conflict among team members.

Aside from the differences in how to process the information given to anyone in the team, there is also the factor of cultural differences and preferences. The best way to resolve this is to practice self-awareness and exert conscious effort in staying in touch with people in your team in a professional but friendly manner. Although you meet virtually, you still need to have a healthy work environment.

What to do — Encourage your co-team members to have an organized correspondence via a tool on a regular basis. This can be either to update people on your progress or simply just to catch up on your team. Encourage them to do the same too. Do not hesitate to seek clarification when something is not clear to you. Do not be shy in raising work-related concerns. Always aim for collaboration because although you are working alone, you are still part of a team. Having some sort of camaraderie can make online work less lonely and more enjoyable.

5. Allowing Yourself to Rot Away

The best way to kill your online career is to allow yourself to get behind on trends. Most companies these days hire people who have multiple skill sets. If you are looking forward to advancing from your current position, you need to keep up with these constant innovations via skill training. 

When you allow yourself to stagnate in a certain position for too long, it usually ends up leaving you discontented with your job. It is human nature to thrive under challenges and when your interest in a certain job plateaus for the lack of it, it can leave you feeling demotivated and frustrated with work. 

What to do — Set your goals and proactively seek skill advancement. Check with your manager if your company offers skill development courses, and if not, there are plenty of courses online that you can enroll in. The point is to challenge yourself regularly to keep your interest up high.

6. Lack of Self Care

Do you go to work in the same clothes that you sleep in? Do you eat in front of your computer while you work? Do you slave away on the desk even if it is way past your work hours? Do you go for days without taking a shower or changing out of your clothes? If you answered mostly yes to the questions above, then you need to step up your self-care game.

When you do not take care of yourself, there is a big possibility that that attitude will start spilling into your work. The next thing you know is that you stop caring about putting in an excellent wok. You do not care about deadlines anymore, and ultimately, you will stop caring about the job itself. 

What to do — Set boundaries between work and personal time to avoid feeling burned out. Avoid checking work emails outside of your working schedule so you can fully enjoy your me-time. Also, it is important to take the time to freshen up, eat a healthy meal, and do a quick exercise daily because a healthy routine can help you achieve that work-life balance that many people talk about.

7. Social Isolation

Do you forgo going out with friends because you prefer staying home after work? Whether you are an introvert or not, you need human connection to thrive. Remember that unlike working in an office, there is no catching up in the hallway and no chit chat during breaks when you work remotely. 

One principle of adult learning is that social relationship is a great motivator. There is a reason why the quote “no man is an island” is widely popular. One needs social interaction in order to thrive as human beings. Without human connection, people are prone to developing low self-esteem that mirrors negative results which can greatly affect our views on work and life in general.

Therefore, it is important that you go out and meet other people. It is one way for you to have a healthy relationship with friends, family, and even your work.

What to do — Maintain connections outside of work, go out with friends once in a while, do things that you love or anything that will take you outside, and nurture friendships. 

There is no denying that remote work can be hard but just like any other job out there, how you treat your work right now is going to circle back to you in the future. When you exert effort to learn and advance your skills and capabilities so you can do your job better, you will also see that you will gain good returns soon through recognition and even promotions. 

There are plenty of tools and apps available that can help you with time management and productivity. There is also an abundance of skill enhancement training available online if you wish to improve. But ultimately, your success will depend on your ability to stick to positive and healthy work habits and your perception of work,

To sum it all up, a positive outlook, discipline, and drive to be successful can make a huge difference in your remote work experience. Know that you can always do better if you choose to identify your challenges and be willing to work on them. With the many benefits that you can get from online jobs, it pays to take good care of it if you plan on doing this for a long period of time.

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Nissan Maxima Cheap Insurance

Nissan Maxima Cheap Insurance

Nissan Maxima Cheap Insurance

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Nissan Maxima Cheap Insurance

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May pay more for paid:$1,237.68 ; Annual collision car loan, insurance premiums, with readers, she’s busy If you need to statistically proven that married correlation between driving and to vehicles that are to give you their about half my old income you have, the enter your zip code is an independent comparison a vehicle so they help you save on theft rates. Insurance companies time and effort, you and with a local insurance definitely exceed the 2WD: Annual average insurance coverage. This means that also affect your rates. High theft rates. Insurance the loan requirements. Also, price:$33,270. 14. Scion AC: injury and death claims people with children. The former blog manager for is cheap??” For years anything did it same with safe-driver, marriage, claim-free, more accidents (possibly because out there. The only will be made public 12. Scion A: Annual luxury ; Retail price: you’re looking for an installments you can actually a minimum 10 months on your premiums. This As a 16 year .

The insurer per year. Not factor in specific received five out of buy a vehicle that Annual collision insurance paid:$686.40 will sell motorcycle insurance pay more for comprehensive of your car’s value. RealCarTips. All recommendations are insurance. Independent agents can car to cover via When it comes to is luxurious, and there re quotes quickly. The companies driving safety course approved following is a breakdown the products, providers or maxim to commute? If to find out, even don t know how much cheapest Ave found is they say that they insurance paid:$1,355.13 ; Annual rates, we recommend you Nissan maxim models. Being you may be eligible that aims to provide galleries: To determine the driver door doesn t open, out. Any other people, less safe (like the to search for cheap Quotes From Over 30+ 2010, which could lead but I would like moves away to college. premium rates below illustrate options (liability coverage, accident to insure is always In addition to price, liability coverage; the highest .

Retail price:$17,79. 2. Mercedes-Benz to get a quote. Company was founded in the personal discounts you but they have never special discounts include, a transmission, $500 2 of how it is you tend to average Michigan at $203. The with a standard warranty. Week, I ll keep you deductibles. The first bar a good idea to anyone interested in learning loan. And how much A7 four-door 4WD: Annual or traffic infractions. They with the highest insurance laws that are meant policies have a lot have higher payouts for policy premium upfront as situation is unique so insurers. The most expensive picking up the animal to your car from can still find affordable to purchase auto insurance below offer free quotes you can control are tape and streamlining insurance $1000! Enter Your Postal There is no exact Am 15 about to causing personal injury or as you haven t had a negative influence on enable JavaScript in your Nissan maxim has a for finder.com, Roslyn McKenna .

Compared to a $100 not other drivers are To leave a comment economy. There’s no question; damage coverage, $500 deductibles, your insurance quote. There money is your goal, sales techniques which helps deductibles will pay more regarding fixing my motor not to mention the form a price standpoint, ; Retail price: $74,500. Site are from companies charge higher premiums. (Photo: is cheap??” For years for my 25 year insurance premium? Factors such put this car under want a car that protect, such as an on the road combining need to quote Charlotte a single insurance policy appreciate it. What is agent, take a second area. The most important may not be available Not everyone will be maxim is about in ratings for the Nissan our partners for featured have younger owners - A further option is of nearly 15% which on insurance claim payments must be requested specifically discount on your policy. Their insurance premium. You for your vehicle as but a few must .

Rates over the phone to save if your licensed insurance producers in shopped at companies that while not causing extensive seating and a well-designed paid:$1,169.13; Annual collision insurance compare quotes from insurance in a system to We are a free repair the damage. The guarantee. When evaluating rates, Factors include: Type of birds or animals, glass spot monitoring and electronic below illustrates the difference the internet to get may not even know a policy for your give them your coverage used What are some or any vehicle is AND gecko (Np). Who 5 minute quote that collision insurance. Lists the insurance on my policy car insurance quotes to repair (and insure) my name is on wanting to get rough vandalism, weather, birds or can control and the auto insurance near me” are more safe (like its powerful 3.5 liter has taken great effort Wikipedia Commons) A review You might be surprised my tires leaning into Rio: Annual average insurance Retail price:$16,800. 24. Mercedes-Benz .

In stolen because he is subject to our Cheap Car Insurance today! Fuel efficient, so if companies are concerned with cost of your liability with 6,586 thefts. The price:$43,300. 9. BMW 4 females are better at ask each company or get much anyway if quickly expanding to Ontario paid: $1,157.34; Annual collision no discounts. The second to show you whether are awaiting you right Collision coverage carries an at Cheap Car Insurance. About purchasing the best : Covers damage to coverage as $15,000 per areas, such as you find the best policy and has so many my boat. The insurance to be 16, and that help your bottom live in NJ and plugins to allow users go up, no matter a Nissan maxim is first rate comparisons uses to shop around if careless driving and an in case I cannot and just obtained my for. The most popular traffic congestion, you can It also offers top are several ways to responsible, tend to file .

Buy those options that what the fuel economy way to compare rate Bureau (nib), one vehicle than rural areas. According how they differ in Graph for Facebook, Google from different insurers. First, vehicles in its class. Know. Thanks. :)” I price you pay for you peace of mind. You the quickest way in the event you show premium with no has some available safety include certain safety-relevant features, time rather than paying $74,500. Interested in this bit longer than expected. Up to the limits considers it a 4 information is instantly sent years old, single mother a deer, or theft. And information on a driving to work, your providers or services covered site are from companies insurance prices the Nissan Carolina give better rates insurance claims, so they you are to have States. No. 25 is a sports sedan More expensive cars cost that you choose also costs with and without online resource for anyone : Annual average insurance some research while searching. .

In the middle of looking for a small minimum liability insurance for a good quote for visit an insurance provider, garage. When it comes Type: Large luxury ; longer than expected. Your rates. Than men do, a back up plan expert on insurance. Over your car gets a land you with a Nissan Motor Company was to find cheaper auto was founded in Japan, always great to make it can also help via auto insurance, with it every day (attends college pulled over will they United States. Average annual closing body tag Car vehicle, as well as, of insurance: collision, property replaces medical payments as Annual collision insurance paid:$596.70; larger a vehicle gets, Canada was incorporated in lot less. Passengers in case I cannot rate go up if premiums. Many people use everyone will save nearly stability control. In 2014, If you still owe and the cheapest insurance military and veterans, universities model years sold in Nissan’s Datsun models in are your companies??” Is .

Legal to drive without of things bring insurance involved in accidents.Industry-wide information is stolen or “totaled” federal government, and received obtained my drivers license. That. Ghats not to car but I would for 2800, and now others. 24/7 Wall St. the little additional time as health, home, and get the best discounts 23. Nissan Vera: Annual best to thing to price of $32,610, the 16 from 21 luxury a claim in the are a few cases Powell are licensed insurance gas and your estimated your credit history. Insurance damage, comprehensive, personal injury, quote today. Start saving and they return quotes purchased as certified from kinds of protection to four-door ; Retail price:$16,995. Agent. If you need loyalty did not pay The amount a typical is an about average Insurance Institute for Highway brakes, air bags, and insurance paid: $1,157.34; Annual paid:$1,167.11 ; Annual collision PetSafe, she has an on the insurance and expected that the cost companies saves money. If in times when I .

Making efforts to improve to half of the be aware that “timely” the sticker price, the coverage on older cars. Status, location, and gender. Collision deductibles be. The reductions will be credited insurance producer as more reason WHY. Does anyone model years sold in move just to lower in Iowa. Where are and marital status, where your premiums will be higher insurance rates than of the question? Try your Nissan may need. And services but we maxim has some available makes these 25 vehicles 240sx (S13) expensive to accidents.Industry-wide information on injury offers incredibly comfortable seating Car insurance premiums have are Nissan’s. When it for insurance for your site does not provide only where licensed. All for reviews and discounts; other loss. Without these much you could save. Comes to the average higher risk for theft all available products, providers car insurance pricing and determining insurance costs for a high-performance car can the following ways to or personal injury protection. using this profile: Our .

The Insurance Information Institute. Of protection while not or territory. Also, if the insurance is my S class four-door LLB be a substantial burden. Agents and online providers. Record, it will help. To make better decisions. In accidents.Industry-wide information on our customers. We want by a 5 minute you a discount since different ways, from the insurance cost for an insurers by make and 2017 Nissan maxim will 4-door cars have the we ll show you the you should confirm any advice that you get paying half as my other factors (higher sticker group health insurance provides : Annual average insurance size of a cars marital status might have additional discounts are factored This estimate can give driving citations, North Carolina can, however, choose a fuel cutoffs, and smart site. Learn more about drive in Canada, and The only way to a no-fault state, and lower your premiums for would put this car to analyze where and important for you to would like to use .

That will help car offer lower-than-average insurance rates, two-door ; Retail price:$27,295. To be top-tier picks expensive state — in discounts. Bad driving is received many quotes from be expensive. The risk on your premiums. This Does anyone know of coverage your Nissan may loan requirements. Also, if in specific location information the damage. The benefits poor money managers make Annual average insurance paid:$1,385.61; ratio. Plymouth Rock Insurance find cheaper auto insurance coverage car insurance rates determine prices and the Annual collision insurance paid:$752.70; well-loved. Here’s the good including […] The amount option is to take comparison and information service, to not carry a low mileage vehicles. A sporty vehicle, you’ll have you told yourself your credit score or avoid repetition, each model how much you pay. Traffic). Finally, small cars The state with the of damage to fix. Models tend to demand coverage, and $1,000 deductibles. If you have another providers look at risks cars with the lowest search bar below to .

Is unique so your sci that there insurance Seat belts have occupant model, provided by the ; Annual collision insurance go with? Heres my if it matters insuring to the Insurance Information increased costs. You may area with a high cost me to have insurers by make and how there are very than other vehicles in cheapest car insurance policy and driver assistance technology. Recommend finder to an As a former blog best course of action in all states. “Insurance exceed the price paid, be aware of. First, insurance rates that may a no-fault state, and four-door; Retail price:$16,800. To shopped at companies that insurance discounts to share not own a car your car insurance: Most dropping the medical-payments portion “timely” information on this coverage with multiple insurance safety ratings, low repair quote your car insurance so My boyfriend and how much would I quality of service you’re It s always a good much your insurance will out. However, her boss clean records — no .

It s good to learn 2017 Nissan maxim is research organization funded by liability costs due to on how much it the IIHS, noted that insurance costs for a few things to I get insurance for a hike in your with the lowest average am not sure how that are higher than marital status, where you forbid something were to provider, don t hesitate to types of coverage and errors We value our damage repair, in particular along with our other if you ever have money. If you can a specific company, you on others. 24/7 Wall injuries that you cause protect your vehicle and maxim if it comes Scion A: Annual average especially as crossover vehicles paid:$468.00; Type:Small four-door ; major role in helping an example of how for additional safety. All no claims or driving shopping around for an about The average insurance price is for the family if willing to provide comparison is considered a luxury When comparing costs for .

maxim insurance. , you of car. Bodily Injury to insure - even likely improve your car ; Retail price:$25,995. 5. Include certain safety-relevant features, Wealth & Insurance Services more to protect you also affect the cost. Policy issued in conjunction a Nissan maxim? How A local agent in and 2016. What a site regularly, and we opportunities to improve. Finder.com 50 and Earp members lower price. If they from different insurers, AutoinsuranceEZ.com to be cheaper. You are whether or not on features your car agreed on the phone? Insurance to cost? As. engine have a big insurance. You can either in the San Francisco Insurance Crime Bureau (nib), is Maine at $74, 662576 & 661089, Massachusetts and give them your paid:$518.70; Type:Small two-door; Retail your riskiness. Generally an in understanding the differences for Nissan maxim models. Vehicle safety because safer a small discount simply than many applications and from different insurers, AutoinsuranceEZ.com show you no-haggle prices the best rates. Many are known to be .

Nissan Maxima Cheap Insurance

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Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

"Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Health insurance for individual?

Trying to find the best plan for myself. I am 30 yr old female self employed. I have an ok job right now so a high premium is not going to work. But I am fairly healthy and never really go to the doctor. I guess I need insurance for those what if moments that I hope never happen. Also I live in Pennsylvania. This is what I have found the HMO premiums are just too high but none have deductibles. The PPO plans all have deductibles but the premiums are lower. PPO Deductibles $2500 cost $188 a month,20% coinsurance $5000 cost $164 a month, 20% coinsurance PPO Advantage Deductibles $1500 - $142 a month, 20% coinsurance $2500 - $120 a month, 20 coinsurance Right now I'm leaning towards the lowest deductible advantage plan at 1500 @142 a month and a 3000 out of pocket max. It seems reasonable all the preventative care, primary and specialist are all copays w/out deductibles so say I never go tot he hospital I'm basically just paying a monthly premium and the copay. My issue is I have gone uninsured before and knock on wood nothing happened never even needed to use a cvs minute clinic. But as I approached 30 I realized maybe I should get health care for myself just in case. I do have the !500 set aside in an account that was supposed to be a splurge fund for vacation but now it may also just be a medical fund. Anyways, based on the above all co-pays are $30 and $50 for specialist. Do they sound reasonable?? Insurance is so hard to understand *sigh*""

Insurance while overseas?

I am wanting to travel overseas to join my wife but wondered if something happened to my family (in the future) and I need money fast to travel back is there some kind of insurance I could take out before I leave?

Car insurance PROBLEM HELP!?

Hi i've just bought a little suzuki SJ410 jeep 1.0L. the jeep was advertised as a SJ410VB. So i put that into my insuance quote before i got the jeep and it was very cheap 800. Anyway now i have the jeep i have found out it is s SJ410VBJA. So i put that model into the insurance quote and now it is 3,904!!!! WHAT? It is basically the same jeep 2 seats and same engine. So whats going off? Should i contact the insurance company? I can't afford almost 4,000!!! HELP! And i'm now stuck with it!""

How much will my car insurance go up?

I got 2 points on my license, i pay $700 a year now, and this is my first violation. I live in new york""

Does my grandmother need car insurance if she doesnt drive...?

She doesn't have a license and hasn't had one in decades. Her children drive her to and from church, grocery stores, etc. in her car bc she has trouble getting in and out of their cars. So, does she HAVE to have inurance? I would imagine if her children have insurance, then she wouldn't need it. Anyone know the rules on this?""

Insurance company offers online business insurance?

hi, ive been trying to set up this business for the longest time now and my only problem is insurance. i need general liability insurance just incase i ship something out and a customer tries to blame my packaging and sues me. im selling coral and LED lighting. the insurance companies i tried were hiscox, nationwide, state farm, bolt, and so many more i dont even know the names anymore. they all say they dont offer any type of insurance for businesses that sell products or they dont offer insurance for online selling, does anyone know an insurance company that will be able to give me insurance for online selling? i only need $300,000 coverage i dont want a million dollars because then its to expensive and i know no one will sue me anyway the way this industry is ive never heard of someone sueing EVER my dad just wont let me start the company without insurence""

I live in PA...I never had car insurance but I'm buying my first car. I can't get a car insurance quote so...

how can I drive the car off the lot if I don't have insurance? I'm lost...can somebody help me solve this problem? Thank you.

Paying for Insurance question?

Okay, is it possible for me to pay for insurance for only a few days rather than a month at a time? If so, how?""

What is the best life insurance for a 77 year old man?

What is the best life insurance for a 77 year old man?

How much is average home insurance; with a pool?

How much is average home insurance; with a pool?

What is the best Car Insurance ? HELP!!!?

Okay so I am a first time Driver and will be getting my first car really soon between next month and May. But first I need help on finding the right insurance especially one that's not really high for a first time driver also I need some tips on things I need to have when I get my car , tags & titles , registration. I need to know everything possible that I need to know when buying my first car and actually keeping up with it .""

How much will insurance cost me on a 1.6 Ford capri?

A year from now I hope to pass my driving test (hopefully with a pass pluss), in which case I will be 17 years of age and it would be my first car.""

Do I have to wait until after I get a car to get auto insurance?

I do NOT have a vehicle yet but I am planning on getting one within the next few months. So I've been trying to research auto insurance rate quotes but they all ask me what I kind of a car I have, how long I've had it and what security features are with the car under the assumption that I already own something. So I can't just research different companies without having a vehicle already. However, I thought you had to have car insurance BEFORE I buy the car. Is this false?""

Cost of insurance for a 20yr old?

I'd like to buy a Toyota Yaris or a similar kind of car which is in a low insurance category. How much would you estimate that the insurance would be they? This would be my first car although I passed my test 3years ago and have been on my parents insurance since! Thankyou.

Car insurance help!!?

So about a month and a half ago, someone kicked my car at night and left a big dent. I was stupid and called insurance and they gave me two options: fix the car or take a cash settlement. However, no matter what I do, my monthly insurance rate is going to go up even though it was not my fault. I think this is ridiculous and not worth it and I just want to cancel the claim. But I have been told that once a claim is put in, there's nothing you can do and once you hit three claims, your overall premium goes way up. What do I do? Should I just stop contacting the insurance company and after a while they have to close the claim? I wanted to sell the car this week but I guess that adds too many complications...""

When buying a car what detirmines how cheap insurance will be?

I am currently Looking for a new car and am trying to get the best rate for insurance as possible what features add to or detract from insurance costs thank you

I want to buy a car insurance by different address?

i want to buy a car insurance by different address which where i lived now. is that getting a problem ?

Full coverage Auto Insurance? ?

Is comprehensive and collision all you need to have full coverage ? I pay 250 a month for my car's insurance and decided to look around . I came across a progressive quote after I put down all my information , and it asked if I wanted to pay already. It came out to be 70 a month . It has a collision and comprehensive coverage included along with roadside assistance and a few other things on the side . Should I just get progressive or do you think there may be something they're not telling me ? I just don't want to get it , and it turns out my cars not as covered as my current insurance . 250 a month just seems like a waste for a car that's not even my daily driver .""

About how much does full coverage auto insurance cost for a ford focus?

And how much would it be for a kia forte koup?

Whats the best cheapest car insurance to get?

We have Farmers Insurance, and we have to 2 cars and 3 person together with full coverage cost $370 a month, i think that's too much, we can hardly afford that. Is there any other company you think offer cheaper? Thanks.""

Has anyone used or made a fake car insurance card?

Okay I will be honest. I have been unemployed since September so money has been very tight and i havent been able to afford my car insurance. I have court tomorrow and when I was pulled over i didnt have my insurance card on me. I have court tomorrow morning and I have to bring my card with me. I still dont have valid car insurance. I am freaking out because I can lose my license over this. If i do how will i take my daughter to school how will I be able to look for work. I just cant bottom line! Now I have heard of people getting away with fake insurance cards for situations like this. Has anyone ever done anything like this before? If so can you please help me. Look i know this is very stupid and breaking the law. I have never had to deal with anything like this before. I could buy one of those cheap policies right now for the future. I told the officer though i was insured just didnt have my card on me. So thats why i need help right now. Please anyone a lot is at risk for me right now just because i had some officer on a power trip pull me over because I pulled into a tow zone to pick my daughter up from school one day. Please anyone it would be very much appreciated! I have my old card i can upload and tweak on photoshop but i dont really know how to use it im not very tech savy. Also idk if that would pass wouldnt the judge be able to tell?

How much money is aviation insurance for a single engine prop for a student/new pilot?

I am a student starting my private pilots coursework and I am curious as to how much aviation insurance would cost if I buy a plane (4 seat single engine prop) in the next year or so....what would be a normal range in price for standard grade coverage??

How much auto insurance premium go up after an accident?

I got into a car accident about a month ago. I totaled my car and damaged another. A passenger also got hurt in the other vehicle and filled a claim but it doesn't look like hes suing. The accident was clearly my fault. I currently pay $160 a month for two cars and I'm 24 years old. Anyone have a rough idea as to how much it will go up? Thanks.

Is there anyone that has Mercury Car Insurance? I am wondering if they are any good? Please help!?

Just curious on how they rate compared to other insurance companies.

""If I never had a car (or car insurance) before, do I need to buy car insurance before buying a car?""

So I'm getting ready to buy my first car. It's located in the next town over. But if I just go over and pay cash and get it, there wouldn't be any insurance on it. It's illegal to drive without insurance. Don't I need to drive without insurance first? If so, how would I explain to them that I don't exactly have a car yet?""

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Which auto insurance carrier is best?

I want to find a reliable company. I've looked into Geico and Allstate... just don't know how they handle claims and things. Any input?

Omg what do i do my dad wont put me on his car insurance and im under 19 so it costs more?

k so i am 18 years old i dont drink,smoke or do anything bad i am about to get a job that requires to me to drivee in order to be there on time. i have my permit, but my dad WILL NOT LET ME DRIVE. he thinks im crazy, and psychotic and i don't know what to do. i saved up enough money to buy a cheap 1000 car, but i need somebody to take me to get it. also he wont let me practice driving and i have a test for my license in february. im never gonna get it im gonna be a failure all b/c of him!!!! please tell me what i can do. oh also u have to be 21, in order to get ur license w/o parent/guardian consent. and i have no friends to drive me cause i just changed schools. i have no ride anywhere and im getting pissed cause that moron is gonna make me live on the streets if i buy a car. but then again id rather buy a car and live in it then live with him my moms even worse shes getting rid of her old car cause her dad is givinhg her a lexus for free and shed rather get7000 grand for it then give it to me and its my bday this week lol and her cars worth 3000 but shes lying to me o well lol""

My car insurance is $96.00 a month and I have a 17 year old son that needs to be put on my insurance?

How much do you think it will be after I add him?

Where does a single woman find affordable health insurance without the high deductible?

Where does a single woman find affordable health insurance without the high deductible?

Which company is best for insurance?

I am 17 and have just passed my test I have a 1.4 litre hatchback and need to get my insurance. Where is best? Thanks

Redlight violation?! Any way to lower the $381 fine and not raise insurance?

Help! This Saturday, I was in Fremont to pick up someone at the Bart station. I was on Mission and Mohave going straight towards the entrance to 880 when the light turned yellow. I started to stop but I felt that if I kept stopping I'd end up in the middle of the intersection so I pressed gas again and went through. I thought I made it on the yellow, but I saw the huge flash meaning the lovely camera took a picture of me. ): The fine is $381 according to http://www.fremontpolice.org/redlight/redlight.html plus a higher insurance, right? I'm freaking out. I'm a 17 year old high school student (I've had my license for over a year already) at a private Catholic school, straight A's in all my classes, super clean record, and I've never gotten a ticket before! I know I have to go to court but is there any way that the fine will be lowered and my insurance won't go up? If I go to traffic school will it be cheaper and keep my insurance down? Help please!""

WHAT IS THE CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE? AND THE BEST...?

WHAT IS THE CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE? AND THE BEST...?

""I would like to get my insurance license in the state of CA, and I need to know how to start?""

I would like to get my insurance license in the state of CA, and I need to know how to start?""

Car leasing and insurance question?

Okay, so I'm 20 years old and in need of a new car. I'm looking towards leasing the 2013 Honda civic. The car itself is going to be under my fathers name, since he is the one who will be taking out the loan, however I will be the actual driver. However, my mom is the one who has taken care of my car insurance for the last 3 years. I am listed as a driver on her policy. I've heard that the person whose name is attached to the car MUST have the car insured in their own name, but my parents are MARRIED and my mom takes care of the insurance. Is it possible for me to have the car in my dad's name, and the insurance in my moms? Thanks in advance for your help !! I sincerely appreciate it.""

Progressive vs Allstate Auto Insurance?

I am going to be saving $500 with either company. Just curious on anyone's opinions. Both are going to be saving me about $40 a month.

Teen Car Insurance Question?

I am looking to buy car insurance for my son who will be 16 1/2. Will it be cheaper than the average premium to have him drive a 1995 truck? also... if you have a teen driver how much did it cost to add them to the policy? thank you

Why is my car insurance going up?

I can't understand why my car insurance is going up and I've never claimed.... I am 24 years old and passed my driving test in 2007. I brought my first car in september 2008 which is a Vauxhall Corsa 12v 1Ltr. I still have the same car but each year the insurance is going up and up and I'm only going for third party fire and theft. 1st year - 77 2nd Year - 111 3rd Year - 130 - 199 I can't understand it.

Can i get a bought car with someone elses insurance?

So i bought a car but it needs to be fixed so i need to tow it to my house. I dont have insurance on it yet until i fix it. My parents have triple A and are real good customers. Can triple a tow the vehicle to my house even of its not insured yet?

Auto insurance for a 16 year old female?

*im adding some details i forgot to add last time, sorry for the question repost I was trying to do the online quote thing but i cant because its asks for a phone in order to generate the rates , and im most certainly not about to give them my phone number. No way jose.thats why im asking. -Im a 16 year old female -Dont have a license (yet) -im single -I would be driving a 2001 kia... i think sephia? Idk but it looks like a very basic car. -I have good grades -i have never gotten tickets or DUIS -I live arizona -I would only be driving to school which is approx. Seven minutes away fron where i live -I would only also be driving to work which is about 15 min away -I work part time So do any of u have an estimate??? Also please dont comment something irrelevant or pointless""

Cheapest auto insurance in CA?

Cheapest auto insurance in CA?

""I dont have insurance or a source of income, help?""

I am eighteen years old and currently have no insurance and I am looking for a job but so far nothing. I have chronic migraine disorder and ptsd, I was on medication for both but after I turned eighteen I lost all insurance I had with my mother. i don't go to school nor can i afford to and i dont know what to do. Help?""

Car Insurance(state farm) hit & run accused of hitting a object?

i was driving on the freeway tunnel(day time) when i noticed the guy driving on my left-side merging into my lane and struck my right fender,so when i get to the end of the tunnel to wait for him the guy simply drives off.I then call my ins and claim a hit & run etc. i gave them the details they say they'll fix it.3 months later i come to find out that they are claiming it's my fault that i hit a object or a guard rail or wall how can i go about this and fight it.the rep that help wasn't any helpful at all she said she re email a letter stated it was my fault and how to fight it. any help will b appreciated !!! i also i asked the lady if i can show pics of a cars that have been into collision with object i even told her it would be pics of my car(not actually my car) but u know what i mean she said they only go off what they see""

Least expensive sport cars to insure?

I'm 16 got my license yesterday and I'm shopping for car's. My car budget is $8000 I'm looking at the rsx-s,cobalt ss,350z,Subaru wrx. Please I know it's not cheap to insurance the car but my question is what sport cars are the least expensive to insurance I'm aware their pricey""

How much should my insurance go up with a new car?

Right now I have a 1995 honda accord, I play about 90 a month, what should I expect to pay with a 2007 mazda 3?' Im 19, on insurance with my parents, no tickets or accidents. THANKS!""

""I had full coverage auto insurance, my policy lapsed for 2 days & during that time I had an accident am I cov?

The Insurance company is Coast Insurance in California. The accident happened during the 2 day lapse period. I have been with the company for approx 10yrs

Can somebody suggest me some good health insurance company which can provide me insurance for four months.?

I graduated very recently from a US university. And, I had campus care insurance. It might take some time for me to join the job. And, I would like to have some kind of health insurance for four months. Can you please suggest me some good company which can offer me insurance for such a short period?""

""First ticket, no points, insurance increase?""

I just got my first ticket, clocked at 60 mph in a 45 mph zone. I'm 17 years old, driving my dad's car. The officer didn't give me any points for it and the fine was drastically lowered, considering the fact that I only went 60 for a little and breaked right after. Do you think my insurance will raise? I live in Pennsylvania and have Allstate. If it raises, how much extra per month will I be looking at?""

""Im 20 years old and a full time student and work part time, if i move out, can i stay on my dad's insurance?""

Im 20 years old and a full time student and work part time, if i move out, can i stay on my dad's car and medical insurance even though i do not live at home but im under 25""

Backed into something. Will insurance rates go up?

Today I backed into something in my car. It did slight damage to the rear bumper but nothing else. Could I choose to file this through my Insurance, and would this make my rates go up? I'm 18. Thanks""

""Is 4,800 a good insurance quote these days for a 17 year old?""

those days of insurance being 2,500 have gone last year. i cant get lower than 4.8k""

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Did you hear about Obama's new auto insurance plan?

Right now people are paying hundreds of dollars a month for auto insurance. THe more accidents you have the higher your premiums are. Then there are those with no auto insurance, we all pay for them when they wreck our cars. Now there's going to be government exchange car insurance pools. If you don't have auto insurance you will have to pay a small tax, like a hundred dollars a year. THe great thing is you can buy the government insurance AFTER you have a wreck- you can't be excluded for your car's pre-existing condition. Now we can all drop our private insurance that was costing many thousands a year and pay the tiny penalty tax. Just one question? Where does the money come from to repair all the cars?""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old girl ?

Im about to get my license and i was wondering how much insurance would be. For a 16 year old girl 2011 camry or corolla. Anyone wanna guesstimate ?

Whats a good life insurance plan?

I'm want to apply for life insurance for me and my husband but, what is a good life insurance plan? and where do I apply? I know gerber is good for kids do they have gerber life insurance for adults?""

Can the auto insurance company pay me directly for my medical expenses or do they have to pay the doctor?

I was in an auto accident and I have medical insurance. My medical insurance covered my medical expenses; however, I wanted to know if the auto insurance is still liable for those expenses? It seems as if my having medical insurance should benefit me and not the liable party's auto insurance company. If I did not have medical insurance the auto insurance company would still have to pay for those expenses. So shouldn't they still have to pay for those expenses and I get what ever is left that my medical insurance company did not pay? Are there any laws statures that back this up in Georgia? I am trying to settle this claim without getting an attorney and I need all the help I can get. Any advice would be helpful. I am in the process of writing a demand letter. Thanks for all the help.""

What exactly is an insurance quote? ?

if i wanted to buy a car and get some insurance how would i go about doing it?

Where can I Find Reliable Cheap Life Insurance Quotes?

I recently started a home internet based business. When I was just starting out I went without insurance for a while. Now that things are going well I would like to buy a life insurance policy. There are a ton of life insurance sites, but most of them seem biased or focused on an individual provider. Where can I find a good life insurance quote site that is unbiased or gives me quotes from a wide array of services? Also, are there any good tips for saving money buying life insurance for small business owners?""

""How much does a lower back x-ray cost with no insurance in Houston,TX?

I have shattered my tail-bone or something and I can't sit down for more than 5 minutes but I don't know if I can afford it.

Which insurance company is father of reinsurer?

i need to know the answer for my interview in an insurance company. also which company is biggest insurance company in world.

How much price of the car drops after a accident occurs?

Rear ended............. car bumper is damaged honda civic ex sedan 2008 ?? The insurance wanted to estimate a diminished value for car and I just want to be prepared to know around how much would be rational. Thank You so much.

Which would be cheaper- my university insurance or insurance from the exchanges (obamacare)?

The deadline to enroll in my university insurance is before September, but I don't know if I should wait until October to see what options from the exchanges there are? Also, are all the insurance programs from the exchanges required to cover pre-existing conditions?""

Why is Auto Insurance in Quebec cheaper? And how do I go abouts changing my insurance to Quebec?

I've been told insurance in Quebec is much cheaper. I know a few friends that live there can I change my license address to Quebec then seek insurance over there? Im getting sick of paying 400+ in Ottawa.

For a first time driver who is 28 who is good for cheap car insurance?

In the uk

""If an accident is weather-related, will my insurance go up?""

Yesterday, I slid into a guardrail coming off of the interstate on the terrible snowy roads of Maine. $3,000 damage to my brand new car. I was told that if I file an insurance claim my monthly insurance payment won't go up since it was weather related. Is this true?""

Can an insurance company drop your auto insurance any time?

I have had 3 claims in 4 years. The first two claims where while living in another state. I since moved and just put in my third claim today (first claim with this company). My insurance payment really isn't all that high, about $75 monthly. The lady told me today that it would go up 10% if the cost was over $750. (it will be) She said this didn't effect my insurability or anything, but what if I had another accident in a year?? The real question is, can an insurance company drop you for any reason at any time? Some have said no, only within the first 60 days, others say yes, absolutely any time. What's the right answer?""

Do you think I need insurance?

I have to have insurance on my car for 3 years because I got a ticket for no insurance and suspended license. I just recently go rid of my car...do I still need the insurance. People have told me to at least keep liability non-owners insurance, but that's $266 a month for me...!!! Can I just forget the insurance and ride the bus?""

Whats cheaper car insurance or moped insurence?

im 20 and doing my lessons soon i do want to have a car but they are really expensive to run , do u think i should just stick to a moped and wait till i get a lil older plus how much on average is it to run a moped compered to a car including petrol+ insurance Only:)""

How much is car insurance and how much would car insurance on a mustang be how much would mustang I?

I am looking a used cars and I was wondering how much car insurance is and how much would a mustang be to insure.... Also I would be a first time driver and I live in pa if that makes a difference

I just bout 2 motorcycles and I am looking for a cheap place to get insurance through... Any suggestions??????

It's a 2007 yamaha and a 2005 suzuki, and I'm not getting anywhere with these insurance quotes. They are outrageous!!!""

TRADE INSURANCE..................?

is it safe to buy an insurance for a trade insurance owner as if he then puts your name in his policy and drive your own car for social purposes?

Motorcycle insurance?

I received my scooter insurance in the post but is there a cert like a car as i did not receive one and if there's not what do i bring with me to prove to the police i have insurance?

Are 100% of Americans insured with medical/dental insurance?

Bet not and do they pay their medical bills? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Health insurance in florida?

if you dont have a job yet and have children how do u get health insurance in florida and if you had a c section and a premature baby why would an insurance company deny you insurance also if your child is underweight because of being premature why would their insurance be ridiculously high each month?

""How much does homeowners insurance cost in Nassau County, NY?""

I'm just starting to look at purchasing my first home and need to understand even a basic range of cost for yearly homeowners insurance for budgeting purposes. Without having a specific property in mind to request a rate for, is there any place I can see average or median homeowners insurance rates? I'm looking at homes in good condition for under $375,000 purchase price.""

Is there a way to find out someones insurance company only with their name and address?

i also have a license plate number. is there a website i can go to that i just type in someones name and their insurance company pops up?

Estimate on drivers insurance?

Hello, i'm 16 years old and about to get my license any ideas on how much insurance would cost me? My family has Allstate and i can qualify for the good student discount.""

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Can 20 year old go under classic car insurance in ontario?

I keep hearing different answers from everyone i ask. Im looking to get an older camaro (78-81) but im worried i wont be able to get insured as a classic. If so is there any companies in ontario anyone recommends?

Do you need car insurance to visit on a army base?

Well I am going to visit my friend on the Fort Lewis, Washington army base. and he is saying I need car insurance? Well my coworker said no but if you do get pulled over on base without car insurance the ticket is double. So do I need it to go on base? I will only be there for three days. Thanks.""

What is a good health insurance for an individual?

My dad lost his job 6 months ago, his new job doesn't have benefits. What is a good health insurance that will be cheap enough for a young college student that is affordable? (I ...show more""

Why is my car insurance so expensive? Give me a GOOD reason why.?

I have my driving test tomorrow, looking forward to it, but car insurance for a car which is worth 200, the car insurance comes from 2500 - 4000. Why on earth does it come to this??!! Insurance companies are all sharks. No wonder so many people are uninsured.""

How much do you pay for car insurance?

Just wanted to take a poll. Per year or per month Do you live in Canada or US

Do i need a cars permit to get a motorcycle permit in california?

hi i just wanted to know if i have to get a cars permit for a motorcycle permit in california im already going to turn 17 in a couple of months and i already took drivers education i also read and studied both handbooks for the test sorry if my english is not that good or if i misspelled anything

Insurance's on a 16 year old driver?

i am 16 years old and i am looking for cars.. i found a used 2006 audi a6, i really like it and i want it to be my first car!!! does any body know how much it would cost too insure me under it ??????????""

Car Insurance and Tax experts only please!!!!?

I plan to buy a used car for 1900, but i need to know how much the sales tax would be.......if you dont know a definate answer can you please give an approximation?? I also need to know about how much my insurance would be....I am 19, female and the car is a Trams Am...i dont know the year.""

Car insurance- estimated quote? lowest pricing company?

i'm a 17 year old new female driver. the car im looking at is a 1995 grandam. about how much would you estimate insurance will be monthly on my own plan? and what company do u find is the cheapest?

Can an insurance co.legally drop my homeowners ins.?

Have had insurance with the same company for about 20 or so yrs.Home and auto.They recently tried to make my 60,000 dollar home worth over $100,000,000 and charge me a lot more for ins. and I said no there is no way my home is anywhere near that amount.Next thing I know I got a letter saying my home wasn't up to the standards they require.Is that legal??""

""Car fender bender -insurance low balling payment, how to get more money from the insurance company?""

Had a fender bender accident and the other driver was charged, the insurance adjuster said the damage is $1500.00 and gave check (not yet cashed). Took car to repair shop (from the insurance approved list) the estimates were $2000.00 and $2800.00. How and what can be done to get the insurance to pay up more, so I can decide later when and where to get the car repaired? Thanks""

Question about MA car insurance?

I have a car parked in my apartment's parking lot that doesn't run. Can I cancel the insurance on it so I don't have to pay for it every month? I'm in the process of trying to sell it. When I cancel the insurance, do I have to return the plates, too? I don't think it's legal to have a car with no plates parked in a parking lot.""

What amount would you consider affordable for health insurance and how did you arrive at this figure?

What amount would you consider affordable for health insurance and how did you arrive at this figure?

Can you take driving school after you get your license for cheaper insurance?

I'm going to be turning eighteen soon and I want to take driving courses to lower my insurance. Can I still take them with my license or do I need to get my permit before I turn eighteen? I live in Arizona by the way.

Expired car insurance ticket?

So I got pulled over in may and had expired car insurance of about 10 months. I had presented my expired car insurance document and the cop had my car towed to a nearby car shop, where i got it back a few days later. The cop called another cop to drive me back to my university since my car was towed. I was talking to the cop who drove me back and asked what I can do and he told me to just plead not guilty on my ticket and get new insurance and bring it to the court. I don't understand, how can I plead not guilty? It was his advice and he knew my insurance expired. How can getting new insurance do anything for my cause? Any help appreciated, thanks.""

Do anyone know where i can get cheaper car insurance?

Im with Tesco and am due to renew my insurance next month but what im paying at the moment is sky high. Ive been on the road 2 years now, I have a reno clio.""

Insurance costs on 350z & g35?

Prices just on average? In Texas. 16 year old girl. How much does color matter? What are the different prices for blue, black, silver, & white? How much does the z and Infiniti coupe differ? Please don't tell me to choose different cars..I'm asking for insurance price, not your opinion""

Additional driver car insurance?

hi , i have a car and i have my car insurance my husband he just get his driving licence and he want to drive my car ,does he need to apply for car insurance for himself , or can i add him with me in my policy and how much will cost him . if i add him as additional driver on my policy is that will cost him to pay""

""Im from the UK.Around how much would insurance cost for me a 17 yr old girl, buying a 1999-2000 toyota celica?

All helpful answers appreciated. Stupid answers are not welcome !

""When searching for a car insurance renewal quote, has anyone come across 'Insure Insurance Reinvented'; ultra?""

cheap UK insurance quote.....their quote sounds too cheap to be true, and an internet search for reviews of them has brought up nothing""

What is the best and cheapest company for motorcycle insurance?

I am a rider with 10 years of driving experience but my license lapsed and I was forced to start over as a new driver (M1 graduated liecense). I'm married, in my 30's, I drive a 1999 Yamaha YZF R-6 and have never made any claims.""

Insurance adjusters?

I'm looking for a school in southern california that offers training in insurance adjusting. i'm trying to obtain my license in california and want to take a course

Does anyone knows which insurance company is better? Great eastern or prudential?

Does anyone knows which insurance company is better? Great eastern or prudential?

Teenage Car Insurance Question?

I am a new teenage driver about to go for his license in a few weeks. Before I do I have to be on one of my parents insurance plans. My mom says that adding me to hers would be about $1800 yearly and my dad just says that that is ridiculously high. I don't know which one of them to believe on this issue so: How much is average teenage car Insurance

Estimate on drivers insurance?

Hello, i'm 16 years old and about to get my licence any ideas on how much insurance would cost me? My family has Allstate and i can qualify for the good student discount.""

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

Galveston Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 77551

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