#in any case i hope the incoherence wasnt too much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shauta · 4 years

Text

alright i think im awake enough to talk about my thots on zero-one from break up to episode 44 so spoilers after the cut in case you havent caught up or youre planning on watching it

so first i guess i should mention the presidential specials, which were just 2 glorified recap episodes that also introduced azu (finally) and the creation of the ark-one key. they are what they are and i get having to just shove it into recap episodes that were released during the point where it was still pretty risky to have actors do anything outside of their homes so i dont really feel much toward them

to the actual point of this, episodes 36-41 i would call good for the most part, there are some things that had to get sidelined due to covid, like fuwa and yua’s whole thing having to be condensed into a scene or two of them talking to Ai, the therapy robot, but it was still alright all things considered and i cant blame them too much since something like this during the airing of rider has never really happened. in regards to the thousman’s redemption, it kinda felt like a mix of covid interference and general not knowing how to properly give such a horrible man any kind of redemption. like, i’ll admit, his backstory about his robot dog named thouser (hilarious) almost got me until he pulled the “youre the only motherfucker that can handle me” with Sony’s New Product Placement Toy, which made it wrap around from being almost decent to funny in a bad kind of way. also the thing with him committing fucking humagear crimes being born from a love of hiden intelligence was so damn stupid, like are they telling me he couldnt have done the things he did out of like jealousy or some blind belief that hiden’s dreams are foolish or something?? fuck man, that was just really dumb. also how much did sony pay to have them shove so much goddamn footage of aibo into that episode

ark zero’s introduction was pretty cool, with him just outright fucking possessing horobi and, at first, making his body move unnaturally until he transformed. that was kinda sick. i feel like the cut to yua being outright terrified of ark would have had more impact had she done more stuff in the show, but i think thats genuinely a good way to show how strong/scary a new enemy can be. im also so glad that naki got their own suit and shit, since i remember us hoping that they would at least use the assault wolf key, but kamen rider naki is just so much cooler. thanks so fucking much kamen rider zero-one

also with ark when aruto just lost to him and got scared that maybe his ideals werent totally right, since in his ideal dream world it is technically possible for an ai to become as corrupted like satellite ark and him having to reaffirm what he believes in after fukuoze comes to him and is like “i need shesta back so we can kick gai out” was good imo. i liked that episode. also the episode where izu ran through multiple simulations was kinda fucked but it ended with her being able to make shit appear in her hands so good for her :)

then with the last of the ark zero shit, horobi uhhhh. hes there. he realizes that maybe sometimes it good to make choices for yourself, i guess. the teamup with him and zero-two was really cool, though. liked that and i liked raiden working with subaru again to take down ark. mostly a good episode if you like the fact that horobi will never change.

i think ive said everything i want to about the episodes i liked so now its time to talk about episodes 42-44, or where zero-one just takes a nosedive into confusing choices that i believe are genuinely bad. to start of with, izu dies. i would feel something about this moment if kamen rider didnt pull this shit all the goddamn time and also if i wasnt at least 50% confident that takahashi is gonna bring her back in some form during the finale like he did with poppy ex-aid. also this is the catalyst that makes aruto turn into ark-one, ditching zero-two after like. two episodes. incredible. this is dumb as hell, im not gonna try to pretend it isnt, because it is far too late in the show for this to happen, even with covid fucking up schedules. there is no reason for aruto to just ditch his morals and become the ultimate evil of zero-one because izu died. this isnt what she would want you moran!! and like, i get it, kind of. they wanted to show that not even good boy aruto, our heroic protagonist, is immune to having malicious feelings. i get killing off izu so aruto can feel malice towards horobi. turning him into ark-one is just dumb imo and they should have done something like his malice being what summons the ark again, but either in a shiny new body, or him using azu, i guess. either way theres no need for aruto to become ark-one.

this part is just nitpicky but during the ark-one fights where it would cut away to ark-one in total darkness, i think it could have been utilized better. like him dodging the shots and attacking everyone else while cutting to those shots would have been really good... had horobi also been visible during the shots they cut to when he was fighting him. like, theres some good potential for symbolism (? i dont really remember film terms too well but i do know what im talking about) here where he just doesnt see anything, except for horobi, who he wants to kill as revenge for izu. it couldve been cool even though this whole thing was really dumb imo!! but it kinda just ended up being a bit confusing in the end.

speaking of dumb shit, i think the fuwa and aruto fight in 44 was wasted in the end. orthoros vulcan is a dope recolor of assault wolf and it had retractable naki claws, so it at least gets points for that. but aruto transforms into zero-two for the first time in 2 episodes which doesnt make sense at first glance since hes ark-one now, but i think they were intending for this fight to be a callback to when zero-one and vulcan were first fighting, which is actually really cool if they meant for it to be this. which i believe so but you never know. anyway this fight was wasted because it doesnt seem to do much?? unless right at the start of 45 aruto’s gonna be like “nah, im not actually gonna fight you, since nobody wants that” but even then, going up to horobi and risking a full on war of humagears against humans is still stupid. why would he do that if he learned from his fight with fuwa. also this would have been a cool moment for fuwa to turn aruto’s catchphrase against him!! it would have been so fucking sick for fuwa at one point to say something like “theres only one person who can save you, and that’s me!” like fuck!!!!! that would be so cool!!!!! im genuinely upset this didnt happen im not even joking

i think this post went off the rails because i never learn that i cant extensively talk about kamen rider or other interests without becoming incredible incoherent so im ending the post here. thanks if you were able to actually read through this mess and also i do think for the most part kamen rider zero-one is a season worth watching. just maybe not the last 4 episodes.

#canned beef #i really thought i was gonna get away with writing something anybody other than me could understand lmao #next time i plan to do this please shut it down immediately unless i can get like. an editor or some shit

2 notes · View notes

tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Okay seriously but dr maddiman's story is SO SAD

His wife literally left him on april fools day!!! And he sat there waiting at the door and crying until midnight just in case it was a joke and she came back

AND THEN HE DIED

And we dont even know WHEN he died! His journals just slowly peter off into nothing after the depressing divorce day. Just "i need to work i need to work" and talking about how he doesnt take care of himself now he has nobody to live for and how he doesnt even remember why he's working anynore but he's scared if he stops working he'll remember that his family left him. And he doesnt know how to cook and he just makes shitty gruel out of whatever was left in the fridge after his wife left and he doesnt ever buy any more groceries and uhh.. Well.. At some point he died. He basically committed suicide by sheer denial. The goddamn diary about being unable to cook trails off into just repeating "tasty gruel" over and over in increasingly gnarled handwriting. And in japanese the word for gruel was a pun on another rather infamous depressing scienceman's last journal in resident evil. So while the dub wrote it out in full sentences instead the original was kinda like... Incoherant rambling of a guy who died mid sentence. Thats what the reference would immediately communicate to anyobe who'd played RE...

And man its just SO SAD cos even before he basically killed himself with unhealthy coping mechanisms, he ruined his own life with the same problem. He became distant from his wife and child because he loved them so much but he didnt know how to communicate it and he just ran away from all of his problems. He buried himself in his work to avoid facing the fact he was having relationship issues with his wife, which obviously just made it worse. And his whole work in the first place was from a stupid idea that he could "keep everyone i love safe if i take over the world". Like the idea of actually telling them he loved them and talking about his worries was SO IMPOSSIBLE that he jumped to an even more impossible solution as something easier! And then its so depressing cos oh man these diaries are like a constant stream of jokes about how this man is destroying himself from overwork and like seriously it was so bad that they had to censor a few of them in the dub. For example one about how he hadnt changed out of his lab coat in over two weeks so his wife mistook his laundry for nuclear waste and tried to friggin dispose of his boxers with a long stick and a flamethrower! Which the dub somehow thought was too gross even tho half of all yokai are just gross jokes lol. BUT SERIOUSLY They try and write it all comical at first but all this comical stuff causes realistic consequences of a rift between him and his family AND ALSO his health failing with every damn page you turn like holy fuckin shit. You cant blame his wife for leaving him, she didnt know he really did love her and was just running away from talking about his problems. God she must have suffered so much trying to raise the kid alone and not knowing WHY he seemed to leave her entirely and hate her more and more each day. And its implied that maddiman's research started getting all fanatical and supernatural even before he became a monster, and he wasnt even seeing regular patients at the hospital and like.. Doing his job... Receiving money of any sort. So man at some point yeah the poor lady would have to make the right choice to leave for the sake of their kid. It sounds like she tried so damn hard to get him to open up and just goddamn come home!!!

AND THE WORST PART IS THAT IT WORKED

Yknow not just in the literal sense where his shambling undead self is STILL SICK FROM HOW HE DIED and LITERALLY WEARS HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE NOW

Oh god i just realized that maybe his inspiriting power is "heart swap" not because literally he's an evil scientist who wants to cut you up, but because HE WISHES HE COULD HAVE SHOWN HIS HEART TO HIS FAMILY WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE!!!!!#!!!

and okay seriously THAT PART, THAT WORST OF WORST PARTS

Is that he did!!! He did try!! He did make the right choice!! He just kept running away for so long that when he decided to step up and be a good husband and father it was already too late. :(

He did decide to abandon his fanatical nonsense and just go home and show them he loves them. He closed up work early and bought a bunch of gifts for his family and came home hoping to surprise them and... Was surprised. At an empty house. And a note saying she'd already gone. On fuckin APRIL FOOLS DAY OF ALL DAMN DAYS so he SAT THERE SURROUNDED BY THE PRESENTS CRYING FOR HOURS HOPING IT WAS JUST A JOKE

And he just fell back even harder into his self harming conflict avoidance behaviours. He didnt try and call her and apologise, he didnt even go home ever again. He probably left the same bag of presents there on the table gathering dust even when he was dead. He just went back to work and kept working so hard that he didnt notice when he fell asleep and never woke up.

And thats why in the first game he seemed so much more evil but he was confirmed redeemable in future games and got all this heart destroying heartwarming bullshit beautiful goddamn writing AND ALSO THREE BABY TURTLES TO HUG. He just fuckin ran away from his problems so hard that he forgot he was ever human!! And he was stuck so much in this 'i must complete my ultimate science at any cost' mindset that he forgot why it was even important. And he was willing to make any damn sacrifices for something he didnt know was already useless cos HIS WIFE AND KID ARE PROBABLY DEAD NOW ANYWAY *sob*

Oh and then yokai watch 3 confirmed that yes at least his kid is indeed dead anyway. You can catch his yokai form too and HE BECAME A DOCTOR JUST LIKE HIS GODDAMN DAD!!!! They made up fpr not ever letting us have a playable maddiman by giving us a new yokai scienceman and HEY WHY NOT HAVE THE SADDEST POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR THAT!!!! And in the quest that finaly confirms their connection HA HA WHAT WOULD BE THE WORST POSSIBLE TEASE WE COULD GIVE THE PLAYERS? Hey looks like Cliff inherited his dad's neuroses so instead of going to meet him he runs away from his problems. And thats just the end. The closest they get to reuniting is dr son guy leaving his dad a can of his favourite soda before he runs away. This was in the last set of dlc for the game and will probably never get a better conclusion unless the two of them return in a future game but the original anime series has ended now and the next game looks like its gonna be this alternate universe thing instead. Sigh!

FUCKIN HELL LEVEL-5 WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME WITH THIS GREAT PLOTLINE OF UTMOST SADS

Why is "sad science dad" always my fave character in everything ever and why is dr maddiman such the best

Im cry my heart out. Quite literally. LIKE POOR GODDAMN DR MADDIMANNNNNN

3 notes · View notes

matazz · 3 years

Text

letters roy endoza never sent

so i wrote these because i wanted to write out roy’s feelings to the party members. it was mostly a way to vent, but during the time, i really did want to send them - but my DM never let me (if you’re reading this LOL).

there’s something a bit sadder about it being letter’s he never sent.

in my head, he left along the journal that he wrote as well with the letters he left behind. i guess canonically i can say that the party never ended up finding them.

group letter (written after roy left the party & before the gala)

for the group, i had fun while we were charading around finding ancient artifacts and solving puzzles. i’m going to miss our adventure, but i have to leave. i’ve involved myself against the fate of the universe, a crime against all odds. i’ve loved knowing you all and you’ve all helped me so much but i dont want to involve you anymore in it. more importantly i feel as if that my actions may draw a rift in your beliefs and i dont want to seperate that bond. please do not look for me. i’m afraid i serve no purpose in this mission with the champions anymore. i dont think the gods (and even myself) consider myself to be a champion anymore. to be quite honest with you, i don’t know what the consequences are or what might be from my actions but i will deal with it myself. i’m going to be honest. i appreciate all of you, and you’ve helped me in learning so much. about the world, magic, and other people. but i don’t want to involve any of you in my life and i don’t want to see any of you ever again. please do not try to contact me or find me. this is my departure letter. i am safe, and i am well, and i dont want to be involved with the champions anymore. i hope everybody does well. i’m sorry i left without saying anything but it had to be this way. it’s better for me this way, for everyone. i’ll stay safer this way. if the gods tell you to locate me, please ignore them their calls. i can not say why, but if you trust me at all, please believe me when i say i’m safer not meeting you. sincerely, roy endoza.

To the group (i think this was written the day of the gala, but before the Thing happened)

To the Champions, I’m not sure when this letter will deliver, so you might receive it a bit late. I’ve left for a while to pursue my own goals and research some things. I'm not sure when I'll be back, or if I'll even be back at all. There's been so much nagging at me that distances myself from all of you and I don't really feel like I belong so much anymore anyway. I don’t know whether or not my research is going to succeed, but if on the event that something happens, please don’t look for me. To be quite frank, I don’t really want to involve any of you in my research and I’m afraid that meeting you is only going to be a liability to me. On the unlikely event that my research turns out to be negative, I'll come back; however if that’s not the case then please don’t try to contact me and do not look for me. I can not stress this enough, but what I’m about to go through with is going to upset the gods and more importantly, all of you. It hurts to leave like this, but I have to say farewell. I loved travelling with most of you and I’ve learnt more about the world than I ever could have just staying at my house in Origin. Thank you so much for the adventure. Perhaps for the last time, Roy Endoza.

To Ayce (written the day of the gala i think)

Ayce, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you before I left. To be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to do it and I haven’t had the time or the nerve to say anything. I regret all of that, but you deserve at least something before I leave. I can’t continue our relationship.. I’ve felt distant for a while now, and it’s been nagging at me but I don’t think we’re good for eachother at all. I’ve been a dishonest man to you despite the fact that you’ve been honest with me the entire time. I know it makes me an asshole. You deserve so much better than I could ever be to you. I wish there was more I could say. You've probably figured it out already, and if you have then I already know it was pretty selfish or stupid of me to start this relationship despite the fact that I've known all along how it was going to turn out. You don't have to forgive me. I wouldn't either. And if you haven't figured it out, then I hope it wasn't so terrible for you. I've enjoyed my time with you. I hope you find someone better. Roy.

A letter to Ayce (written like the day roy left)

ayce i have a lot i’ve been meaning to say to you but havent had the time or the nerve to say anything. but i need to say it now because you deserve these words. i can no longer continue our relationship. i’ve redeemed myself but in doing so, i’ve gone against the world; but more importantly, to you. i love you very much, and i wish i could have come to the ball with you and danced. i would have loved to; but i have a lot going on and i dont want to involve you, or anybody else in our charade, involved in my problems. i’m sorry i could not say it to your face. i hope life treats you well. you deserve so much better than i could ever have been. with love roy

Letter to Ayce (dated from the week before roy left)

ayce i’m writing this because i didnt have the nerves to say this in person, and i apologize for that. to be honest, the more time passes the more o begin to think our relationship was a mistake, so i’m officially parting ways. i never lied when i said i love you. i still do, but i just dont think it has worked out or even will. i think our morals are too different; and i cant find myself being with somebody who finds it so easy to murder a person. no matter how terrible she was, i thought that you of all people may have disapproved after experiencing death already. i also found myself attached to Fox, so his leaving leaves a hole in my heart. ialso despise Atlas; but i digress, none of these are even the main reason i’m leaving. to be quite frank, i’ve never seen this mission with the gods as important. my dreams, my goals, my redemption; they will always be first. this mission with the gods has just been seen as a side quest for me. partially because i don’t trust the gods myself. if we take everything we’ve heard at face value, then why should i trust God’s that have left the world to ruins before? they don’t even trust us enough to tell us what has happened in the past. in my opinion, they’re either incompetent and lazy or not telling us the actual truth of what we’re doing; or even what they’re doing. they aren’t powerful. if they were, they could retrieve the keys themselves or defeat beshaba’s group themselves. i just can’t bring myself to want to do a mission anymore where i have to obey people who can not trust us enough to let us know basic information. meeting you was a bonus, but i think it’s time for me to move on. this wasn’t a decision i’ve made because Fox left; i’ve been thinking about this for a while. neither my goals or morals align with anyone elses. i want to be good, but i’m only a wench in a perfectly working clock. as of recent events, i also don’t want to explain myself to Atlas of all people, but i can’t bring myself to tell you about myself either. i may return, if only for more information or perhaps even the gala; as much as i do not care for the gods, i’m still interested in the keys and the power within them. if i meet you there, i know it may sound selfish to ask, but i hope you may give me one last dance. roy

a notebook. it’s a bit worn out and has some torn pages.. it was left behind with roy’s stuff and all the letters

‪entry 47‬ ‪[torn out page] ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪[torn out.] ‬‪entry 69‬ [‪torn out] ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back. i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ‪[scribbled out over so that you cant read it] ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just

sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out but still there: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪[torn out] entry 101.2 [torn out] entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. [the rest of it is torn out] (torn note inbetween the pages hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over. (there are about 2-3 pages with entry 102 that are torn out) entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try

avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 [torn out] entry 124 [torn out]

#roy endoza writing #roy endoza #oc #writing

0 notes

hunkkeiths-blog · 7 years

Note

So I just scrolled 20000 years back on your blog like the creep I am and I saw you mention schizophrenic Keith headcanons but never actually saw schizo Keith headcanons and I'm 👀👀👀

once again thank you so much for sending this! i really really love this au but i never talk about it bc i feel like no one cares and this makes me sooo happy!

also sorry again for answering late i just wanted to be able to type everything relatively quickly and use a readmore

(i added links that lead to wiki pages to explain what certain stuff is, you don’t need to click them or anything)

ok so here goes

[Food mentions and slight emeto for this part]

Keith has a lot of trouble with food, both bc of sensory issues and paranoia

when its sensory, its mostly if the texture is too different to whats hes used to, or if theres too much taste and theres anything else (a sound, some lights flashing, whatever) hell get overwhelmed really easily. so he tries to stick to relatively tasteless stuff

Keith also gets a lot of persecutory delusions and some of the most recurring ones is that his food has been poisoned, having relatively tasteless food helps with not being as convinced of that

On good days (well as good a day as you can have when you think your food has been poisoned anyway), he can sort of just power through it and eat enough to not be starving.

On bad days, he either doesn’t eat at all, or if he only realises it after having eaten he becomes sick/makes himself sick.

Back on Earth, especially during his year alone, he had 3-4 “trusted foods/brands” and he almost exclusively only ate those

Once on the ship, things get very complicated, because from the start, he doesn’t trust the altean food goo (he still doesn’t if he’s entirely honest, but they’ve all been eating it and none of them are dead yet so if it is poisoned its slow acting enough) so he mostly only eats when hes absolutely starving for the first month or so before he slowly starts to eat more of the altean meals

He does however trust what Hunk cooks partly because he trusts Hunk, partly because Hunk eats it too, and (taste+texture of the food goo aside) hes always more comfortable when Hunk cooks.

[Warning ended]

While developing and after when he had it (which was 2 or 3 years before he entered the Garrison), Keith ended up almost entirely isolated from people, in part because he would willingly withdraw from others, in part because the people who took care of him after his father left/died (foster families i guess? i dont really know how the system works and i cant imagine how much worse it must be for a schizophrenic kid so) didn’t really know what to do with him because he had really bad emotional blunting

Because he was mostly left alone, he started focusing alot on the delusions he had at the time, the main one of which was that he just wasnt human (which yes turned out to be somewhat true, but it’s still a delusion). that led him to thinking of going to space because of a feeling that something would happen there. which led him to the garrison which is how he ended up there.

At the Garrison, he was amazing at flying and mediocre at best in all his other classes.

This is partly because outside of doing stuff that could actually directly get him to space, he wasnt able to get any motivation to do anything else. (even if he gets kicked out, he can just steal a rocket or something right?)

he also didnt really have any friends because he didnt approach anyone and more or less actively avoided anyone trying to get close to him.

the way he just was; never showing any emotion, barely speaking, the weird things he sometimes did, etc; sort of drove ppl away on its own

(this is also sort of the reason he didnt remember him and lances “rivalry” in s1ep1. he never actually noticed lance thought of him as a rival, he just thought lance was sort of loud)

Shiro ended up like being a mentor or something to Keith, and Keith wasnt able to really avoid him

They start off sort of rocky, because Keith hates interacting with other people, due to paranoid thoughts (”he can read my mind”, “he wants to hurt me”, and so on) that, while they werent nearly as bad as off meds, were still present even with medication.

Slowly though, Keith warms up to Shiro and starts trusting him (though shiro is never really sure because Keith doesnt show it at all)

Keith starts doing better in all his classes, because he’s interpreted that shiro will be extremely disappointed in him if he ends up getting kicked out because of poor grades, and hes terrified of disappointing literally the only person in the world he trusts

It also leads to Keith putting a minimum of effort into becoming at least somewhat expressive

When the kerberos mission fails, keith is destroyed. all his grades almost instantly drop and he barely shows up to class because losing the only person he trusts essentially makes him totally apathetic, and go back to having alot of paranoid thoughts/delusions (mostly surrounding the garrison staging the entire thing, sort of fake moon landing style but with actual murder to make people back off on exploring space because of Something), and feeling like he’s being stalked by people (not entirely untrue tbh), and deal with anhedonia. and thats how he gets kicked out/how he drops out

Living entirely alone (as in without any supervision) was hell for Keith.

Moving to the shack after dropping out messed with his entire routine, and without a relatively strict routine, he ends up forgetting his meds

Off medication, he had really really really horrible episodes that almost always ended with him getting hurt in some way

Off-meds, he starts his garrison/shiro conspiracy wall

He also found the blue lions cave during an episode

After a while (keith never tries to find out how much time he spent without his meds because he forgot about them), he ends up taking his antipsychotics again, and almost destroys the wall, except theres a feeling he still has that he rememebers he had during an episode.

He ends up going to the cave again, and “Holy shit that was real??” so he restarts his wall while being a bit more down to Earth.

The day shiro crashes on earth is one of the best days of his life bc, well, shiro, but also because he was actually right for once.

Overall, Keith’s pretty good at organising his thoughts and not speaking incoherently, but if hes at all stressed, hell go through a lot of thought blocking

It’s really annoying because Keith hates not being understood and not finishing his points, but often, even if the person hes talking to reminds him what he was talking about, he cant remember what he was going to say after

He also used to think that the thought blocking was aliens and/or the government stealing away all his thoughts to study humans (or, before the garrison: not entirely human entities)

His thoughts are alot more disorganised than his speech shows (under normal circumstances, there are occasions where he does get mostly incoherent). He’s learned to think of what hes going to say step by step before saying it

What he says often still comes off as not entirely thought out, rude, etc because thinking about what order words are going to come out of his mouth doesnt fix not understanding how to interact with others

And here’s a bunch of stuff i couldn’t really make long enough to warrant a separate section:

Keith stims mostly when hes nervous or bored, and he stims by scratching his nails against things, because he likes the sounds it makes.

[self harm (sort of)] at some point, the team notices that when theres nothing for him to scratch (like a wall or something), hell scratch at his own skin, because scratching fabric feels/sounds horrible, often until he scratches part of it off. so they make him these little squares of material to scratch at

Keith does a lot of magical thinking (i cant find an easy link for this but in this case its like seeing signs in things that are seemingly unrelated if that makes sense) where he’ll see a ‘sign’ and feel like he has to do something (what something is varies from something very specific to just “something”)

since he obviously cant always do what hes supposed to do after seeing the signs, hes started writing down everything so he can do it later (lance’s idea). it helps a lot.

Keith hates places with background noises that arent constant (like they stop and start, stop and start), even if they arent particularly loud, because he loses his entire train of thought whenever it stops or starts

Ok! that’s all I can think of right now, I hope this answered what you were looking for!

I lost my entire train of thought at least 5 times while typing this so I’ll probably add more things in my tag later on when I think of them again!

I’m also writing an actual story with this, it should come out around the end of June if you’re interested!

#schizo keith #i did not reread this im sorry if parts are incoherent #keith #voltron #vld #Anonymous

32 notes · View notes

rxbelling-hxrald · 7 years

Note

ALL OF THE EMOJIS OF THE HORROR MEME (come at me with long posts)

✘ Have they ever committed a murder?

Yes, but not at all since his freedom outside the demon realm, his victims include several practice human targets during his father’s influence over him and the demon’s training methods to inflict great pain, others are several demons themselves.

He has murdered no one from the other realms he has been in.

▼ What is their greatest fear?

Failure, both in general and in his overall life. this goes closely in hand with the destruction that would shortly follow after.

His failure would mean he’d become a figure just like his father, as in essence he would be his father after Mason’s techniques were completed on his capture, Dan would become nothing in theory, his mind and spirit would be eaten away, Death itself doesnt scare him but the idea of being the one responsible for bringing it upon countless victims from his father’s intentions?

That he does fear with all of his heart.

✿ Would they ever trust dark or wicked magic?

Yes, Dan can be considered the sort to find use with anything that may be deemed as ‘cruel but effective’.

While he does have morals in terms of whom he should deem someone whom deserves pain and agony by his hand, if someone does ‘deserve’ it, he doesnt care what the process is, he’ll use it.

However, this is if Dan was ever capable of outright magic, if it came to someone else wielding such magical prowess, unless he knew them well, he’d trust nothing about it.

So I guess the true answer is, he only trusts himself to use it.

△ Name one thing from their past that they regret.

All of the human ‘targets’ he injured or killed during his younger years in training, these were captured and tortured souls used as ‘examples’ for the demons to train the young Dan in his abilities and violent prowess, While he wasnt directly in control, he recalls and remembers every moment, every feeling, it still gives him nightmares at times.

He truly wishes he could make ammends, but has come to accept that nothing can be done to fix the hell that is the demon realm, outside of destroying it.

✂ If they had to choose one weapon to carry forever, what would it be?

Dan doesnt like the idea of weapons, deeming them to be for cowards and weaklings who cant get things done with their own fists, easy for a demon to say….

But if he HAD to choose a weapon, it would most likely be swords/katanas, whatever the equivalent he could get a hold of, with how he uses his powers as an ‘extension’ of himself, the same could be said in his use of a sword….once he trained with them awhile.

☣ Would they kill someone close to them if they had to?

This depends on the definition of ‘had too’.

If it were to save his own life, No, he wouldnt. If it were to save an entire realm, he’d consider it a lot more.

I’m sorry but I cant give a clear cut answer without a scenario, so I’m gonna leave it as.

Depends.

☢ Would they survive an apocalyptic situation?

Considering he was raised in an equivalent of an apocalypse turned into literal hell nearly, yes, he would, disturbingly well so in fact.

I’d even go as far to say he’d probably become one of the key hoarders/traders people would go to, due to his ability to survive in most conditions, being a demon certainly helps in this case.

❣ If someone had the power to bring them back after death, would they want them to?

Yes, If he had died prior to not fulfilling his ‘duty’ in defeating his father, he’d be more than asking for a second chance.

Even if he had succeeded and lived a full life, he’d still likely ask for it, but this time under the words of. ‘To be able to feel again, death is….pretty boring honestly.’

I’m not even joking in that’s how he’d most likely react should he be capable to speak after-death to his would be reviver.

☠ Do they fear death?

Outright no, but he does fear the idea of it claiming him before he completes his intentions/duties.

♱ What do they think awaits them after death?

He honestly doesnt think about it much, though he assumes its going to be an ever lasting sleep, trapped in the moment you died at and doomed to relive it over and over as if trapped in time in a realistic dream that you can still feel.

So if you died in your sleep, that would actually not be bad in his eyes, but death by a torture session? not a pleasant eternity.

¿ Are they easily frightened?

Yes, Despite being a big bad demon supposedly, Dan’s very susceptible to being scared though not in the means most people would assume.

The idea of ghosts, monsters, horror stories and etc does not even phase him due to him taking his own life as ‘living proof of a nightmare’. You wont scare him with the likes of threats or looks either.

Dan is more scared by the unknown and most social occurrences, similar to how he first arrived outside of the demon realm, he was terrified of everything he saw nearly having no knowledge of anything, He’s curious about a lot of things, but if there is no answer he can come too or someone can give, he will become cautious/scared of it.

Social scares could include large crowds of people all focusing on him/trying to talk, or say he got a job interview even…..he’d been downright terrified of the interviewer most likely and become a mumbling mess.

He’s also susceptible to being jump scared, though his reactions usually turn to the ‘anger’ sense of being scared, striking at what scared him…so I’d advice against it.

╳ How would they react to seeing a loved one become possessed?

Answered already….

☹ Name one person they would kill for.

No one, Dan wouldnt kill anyone person for another as of this moment. He would defend, he would brutalize, but not kill.

☼ If they had the choice to be immortal with one other person, who would they choose?

No one, again, as of this moment, While he’s made several friends, Dan wouldnt jump at that chance with anyone right now.

In fact Dan likely would deny the chance of even being immortal, thinking himself already as one.

☎ How would they react to receiving a phone call from a deceased love one?

Going under the idea if he ever gained a love one and lost them, such a phone call would be given with horrific shock, a small sense of hope then rage once it turned out to be false.

If by some chance it wasnt, he’d either be scared or joyful, depending on whom it was and what the deceased one’s words actually.

★ Do they have a favorite scary movie? Book? Show?

Dan’s an uncultured swine right now, so no…..someone needs to teach/show him some.

♣ Do they believe the world is made up of good and evil?

Yes, from how Dan has come to an understanding of things from morals and actions, he deems everyone to be good or evil in some form or another.

While he has good intentions, he doesnt peg himself as ‘good’ considering his past and dangers. knowing full well he could become evil should he lose himself or something were to happen.

♥ Have they ever acting out of heartlessness?

Yes, Against anyone and everyone who ever goes against him or his friends in a violent way. Dan will make the aggressor’s life hell and not think twice if given the chance, regardless of morals.

Right now though the only victims of this are those that tried to rob him near a bar, they were severely beaten to a brutal extent.

☾ What is their favorite and least favorite thing about the night?

At night, his favorite thing is the sense of confidence it gives him, at night he feels there is nothing he cannot do, no one that can stop him, no one that can see him either if he so wishes….at night, he holds all the cards….that’s what he believes anyway.

His least favorite thing so far is the drunks he can encounter randomly when out and enjoying the night, they usually stink and bother him about something with their incoherent ramblings.

If you want a ‘literal’ favorite thing, its his ability to blend into the dark and shadows, turning him nearly invisible at night in the right spots.

ψ Do they think they deserve punishment for their wrongdoings?

Yes, He does believes he needs to atone in someway, but he believes he’s doing that already by working on his ‘duties’.

ϟ Have they ever gotten pleasure from causing others pain?

Yes, his violent and somewhat sadistic side is very visible when in a fight against someone whom has triggered his rage, he’ll openly mock anyone he’s hurting and laugh about it if he feels they deserve it.

Look up at the heartlessness answer to see what usually triggers this, they go hand in hand.

♚ Do they consider themselves to be evil?

In his mind no, but he does consider his actual body to be so, due to his actual species of being a demon.

♒ If they could choose how to die, how would they want to go?

In what is commonly referred to as ‘In a blaze of glory’

If he knew he were to die, Dan would want it to end in him doing something useful in someway, be it saving someone else’s life in the process via sacrifice, fighting his father’s minions until he was finally done to stem their tides and make life a pain for them until he was done.

In fact if he were ever in a losing position with his life at risk, Dan’s very likely to take the forward steps to go on until the end.

As long as he doesnt die without a fight, he’d be content.

™ Are they possessive?

Yes! This can mean both with belongings and people if he’s close to them.

He couldnt be classified as a stalker, but he would be the sort to be extremely excessive over someone, get them gifts, asking questions, doing anything he could to be useful. but he’d at the very least give space if they wanted it.

Right now, his biggest case of possessive behavior is his coat, he loves that thing more that someone should.

✔ Are they holding a grudge against anyone?

His father Mason, for very obvious reasons if you know the story and relationship.

But right now, he doesnt have any grudges/hatreds towards another.

◯ Do they believe in ghosts?

Yes, He’s seen so much, he’s a demon, there’s clearly aliens and other species and realms, why would he not assume that ghosts are a thing too?

✦ Who is their favorite villain?

He doesnt have one, being generally unaware of both actual villians and ‘show’ ones. Again someone either needs to culture him or he needs to meet a villian that wont actually go against him outright.

Manipulation anyone? :P

☄ While watching a scary movie, are they the one clinging to a friend or being clung to?

90% of the time, probably clung too, but there might be a rare occasion like a jumpscare that will make the tables turn.

Which he’d quickly act like he wasnt scared shortly after.

웃 Do they believe in aliens?

Yes, for the same reasons as mentioned in the ghost answer.

#path_of_the_lost #memes #WARNING #long post #death mentions #gosweetcaramel99

2 notes · View notes

lostinfic · 7 years

Text

What’s left of Hardy

Trope: Hurt/comfort

Rating: general audiences

Word count: ~1900

Summary: Hannah always calls Hardy on New Year’s Day, but this year she thought he could use more than a call.

Tumblr masterpost | AO3 | 12 Tropes AO3 Collection

Set between S1 and S2 of Broadchurch

Hardy glanced at his phone for what felt like the tenth time in the last minute. He shook his head at his own foolishness and threw the mobile to the other end of the couch. Last he had heard, Hannah had a new book and a new boyfriend. Calling him would only depress her, why would she bother? But she always called, every year, on New Year’s Day. Usually she was the one who needed to talk to him, not the other way around.

Hardy sighed and returned his attention to some holiday special with Jimmy Carr— but why always Jimmy Carr?

He didn’t understand any of the jokes about politics, he was too out of touch with the world outside of his work. These tragedies he could do something about, albeit not as much as he wished.

Stretching across the sofa, he reached for his phone again.

I could give ring her.

Chasing the thought away, Hardy stood up and crossed the room to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Calling her, now that was a recipe for disaster. He cringed, remembering the last time he’d talked to her: he’d only just found out about Tess’s infidelity and, between his anger and desire to remain levelheaded, he’d been incoherent at best.

No wonder she hadn’t called him this year.

The kettle’s whistle pulled him out of his embarrassing recollection. Mug in hand, he returned to the living room where his eyes wandered to the locked drawer containing his Sandbrook case files. He could visit Claire, perhaps the holiday spirit would make her confess.

Hardy changed out of his t-shirt and sweatpants then remembered Claire had left Broadchurch to visit her family in Wales. He’d argued against that decision; Lee Ashworth would know where to find her. But in the end, he couldn’t keep her from her family. Probably for the best. No doubt she would have seen through his poor excuse and detected his loneliness.

A silhouette passed behind the bedroom curtains, and his stomach twisted in a knot of fear.

Lee Ashworth?

Hardy rushed out of the bedroom just as someone knocked on the door. He took a careful peek between the venetian blinds. What he saw made his heart beat faster: blond curls and a yellow coat; sunshine incarnate on the longest night of the year.

“What are you doing here?”

“Happy New Year to you too.” Hannah pecked his lips. “I thought you could use more than a phone call this year.”

She thrusted a paper bag in his arms, its content clinked.

“Alcohol?”

“Where are your glasses?” she asked, making her way to the kitchen. “Christ. What kind of shabby place is this?”

“Did you come all the way here to insult my home?”

“Amongst other things.”

She smirked and kissed his cheek. He pretended to be annoyed.

Hannah pulled a champagne bottle out of the paper bag, but there was something else in there: a book. Her book to be precise, entitled “New Experiences” with a strip of lace and manacles pictured on the cover. He’d have to hide it, he could only imagine Ellie’s reaction if she discovered an erotic novel in his house— if she ever came back from Devon that is.

“It’s a gift,” she explained as she popped opened the bottle.

“Classy.”

Inside the cover, he found a dedication: “May the new year bring you some ’new experiences’ of your own. Love, Hannah.”

“God’s sake, Han.”

“What? It’s true, you’re in your forties and recently divorced, it’s the best time to have a midlife crisis and get kinky with the secretary. Please tell me you shagged someone at the office party.”

He rolled his eyes. “Insults, champagne and erotica.”

“And my charming personality, of course.”

“Of course.”

She clinked her glass to his, and they took a sip, holding each other’s gaze.

“What happened to, erm…”

“Jeremy? Yeah, he dumped me before Christmas.”

“Bugger him.”

She shrugged and pulled the cowl neck of her tunic to her cheek. “He’s not that bad, just still in love with his ex. He’s a copper, did I tell you?” She smiled wistfully. “Guess I have a type.”

Hardy choked on his champagne. A type? What did that mean? Before he could ask, she’d moved to the living room.

“God is that Jimmy Carr again?”

They settled on the couch and she took control of the remote, flipping through channels. He sat ramrod straight, staring at her. She glanced his way, and he quickly turned to the television.

Now that the shock of her arrival had worn off, he wondered why she had come here. This year of all years. He mentally braced himself. Raising an inner shield against all the feelings rising to the surface in her presence.

She turned sideways to face him. “So, how was your year?”

“No. I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?”

“This year was shite and you know it.”

She brought her feet up on the couch and encircled her knees. With a frown, she glanced at his untouched glass of champagne. She pressed her lips in a compassionate smile. When she looked at him, he thought of that machine coroners use to reveal subdermal bruising. She could see right through him, she always could. She detected the pain he was trying to hide. Emotions swelled in him. He hated it. He didn’t want to connect with that miserable part of him: the heartache and hopelessness. The nightmares were bad enough. It was all better left buried, somewhere under his ribcage, smothering his heart.

“You alright?” she asked.

“Yep. Fine. You?”

“You’re not fine.”

“I told you: I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not? You need to.”

He glared at her. “I’m not one of those-- those pathetic men who pay 300 quid to cry in your arms for an hour.”

“You just had to bring my job into that.” She crossed her arms.

He didn’t reply, just stared away. He could feel the dizziness coming, a spell of lightheadedness that he tried to breathe away.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Hannah taunted him.

Arguments were not exactly a rare occurrence between them. They usually lasted longer. They enjoyed it in a way, it was familiar, and once the anger was out of the way, they could get to real feelings. His refusal to engage spoke volumes.

They watched the rest of the show in silence. Her fidgeting betrayed her discomfort. Neither of them laughed at any of the jokes. As the credits rolled, she announced her departure. His attempts to hold her back were lackluster.

She sniffed as she put on her coat, but refused to meet his eyes when he spoke her name.

It took him an hour to get off his high horse and admit what a knob he’d been. It took another hour to work up the courage to call her and apologize. And she made him work for it.

“Alright then, come to the Trader’s.”

“What?”

She’d been too upset to endure a two-hour train journey and had checked in at the hotel instead.

“Besides I knew you would call and beg for forgiveness.”

Her words reeked of smugness, but he recognized hope in them too. She’d stayed in Broadchurch. She’d hoped. And if he was being honest, as grumpy as his agreement to meet her may have sounded, there was hope in him too.

Hardy walked out in the cold to the hotel and ignored Becca’s quizzical gaze. He headed straight to Hannah’s room.

It looked the same as the one he’d rented for too long, but flipped. Hannah sitting on the bed, reminded him of how much he’d wished for her presence this year. And now she was here, sitting on the bed.

“You alright?” he asked her.

“Yeah. Fine… I don’t know what I was thinking coming here.”

She chuckled and there was a hint of nervousness to it. She picked at the hole in her jeans. He sat down beside her, elbows on knees. He had to ask.

“Why did you come here?”

“I always call you on New Year’s eve.”

“Yeah-- call.”

“But there’s always, you know, Tess or Daisy. This year you were alone.”

“I’m not lonely.”

“No, I didn’t mean like that… I meant, you’re alone so we can be alone.”

“Alone together.”

“Yeah.”

He searched her face, trying to decipher her meaning before his heart got carried away.

“What? Don’t look so shocked. It’s been ages since we hung out.”

“Right.”

“And I worried about you.”

“Han…” he warned.

“I know, I know. I’m not asking. It’s just, I thought you would call again. You called me after Tess… Then I saw you on the news. That poor boy. I thought you’d call again.”

“Did you want me to?”

“I guess I’d hoped… with the divorce-- I don’t know.”

And there was that voice of hers, faint, childish almost. A reminder that her confidence was just as much a façade for her as it was for him.

He’d never let himself think about her that way. Not when he was a father and a husband. But now… he swallowed thickly. His fingers itched to reach for her. Could he? Just for one night. To have her against him. Her warmth, he perfume, her laughter. His heart ached for it, but he didn’t trust himself. The walls he’d built around his heart were no match to the strength of her smile, and once they crumbled who knew what would pour out. Nothing good would come out of that. Not in the long term that is, short term, well, she would be in his arms and if that wasn’t the very definition of good, he didn’t know what was.

“It’s so hard to tell how you’re doing.” She shifted to her knees, closer to him. Her eyes scanned his face, and he jutted his chin out, clenching his jaw in a stoic mask. The look in her eyes softened. She reached for his cheek but he shrank away. She dropped her hand to his chest. Under her touch, it filled with a sharp breath. She cocked her head with a sympathetic smile.

“Han don’t—”

“I like the scruff.”

“You don’t.”

“I do. It’s very rawr, you know.”

He chuckled and it released some tension from his shoulders. When she touched his cheek, he didn’t wince. His beard bristled under her thumb. He fought the feeling, he really did, but still his eyes fluttered shut.

“Alec…”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

He opened his eyes, surprised she’d dropped the subject so easily.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I think… to tell you the truth I think I’m the one who’s not well.” A twinkle in her eyes betrayed her strategy. “Can I get a cuddle? It’s for me, not for you, I swear.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she sing-sang, wrapping her arms around his waist.

His hand hovered behind her head, and with a sigh, he relented and caressed her hair.

“It’s not a cuddle unless both your arms are around me,” she remarked.

“You’re a lot of work, you know that.” He hugged her-- with both arms. “Thank you.”

He rested his cheek on top of her head, making sure she wouldn’t see him tearing up.

#the hurt to comfort ration is a bit skewed towards hurt #sorry #Hardy x Hannah #teninch fic #12tropeshxh #hurt/comfort #Lostinfic writes stuff

33 notes · View notes