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#in the boxing ring was the funniest shit
darth-does-stuff · 10 months
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don’t mind me this is the smallest thing i could possibly be focusing on but i am actually going crazy over how that weird shadow figure and m. bition (mainly just m. bition tbh) both just call the fix ‘fix’ when the fix said before to conrad that he would prefer ‘the fix’
and yeah maybe it’s a matter of him not just telling them But it’s also very telling that he felt that he COULDNT tell them what he actually preferred. when conrad, right from the get go after using ‘fix’, did a 180 and actually asked what the fix wanted, and then continued to respect that (‘mister the fix’)
idk man something something authority figures making you feel powerless and not caring about what you want something something the boy who you were sent to kill by your superiors being nicer to you than anybody else and respecting what you want despite being scared
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mochiajclayne · 18 days
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Hi there,
I hope you're doing well.
i read your post regarding SasuSaku and Sarada as a family and you stole the words right off my mouth.
I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions on Sasuke Retsiden because from what I can see, its only Jun Esaka (a mere light novel writer that writes non canon stuff) all over the internet being equally all over about her Sasuke Retsuden. I haven't seen any other light novel writer being more active about something non canon. Even kishimoto himself doesnt behave like this regarding his own work.
I'd like to also know about your opinions regarding Jun Esaka ATTEMPTING to remove or metaphorically kill Karin Uzumaki by making the main villain a Karin look alike and giving her sensory abilities to Sakura, which again, makes no sense. Does that woman hate Karin and SK so much? Is that woman so threatened by the very thought of SK as a couple that she had to incorporate a villain that looks like Karin Uzumaki down to a tee?
These are just my thoughts and speculations but I'm also really interested in knowing your side of the story.
Thanks for reading my long comment and i wish you a wonder day/afternoon/evening/night
Hi, @theuntamedangel! I appreciate the long comment! I hope you have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening/night, too!
Before I share my thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden, let me share that I did, unfortunately, have a sasusaku phase. I know. Shocker. The entire lore is here in case you're interested (promise it's relevant to my explanation).
I did hear about Sasuke Retsuden when I was still in college. Bits of information, specifically, about the chakra ring and from a perspective of someone who used to ship sasusaku casually, my initial reaction was okay good for them and I went on with my day. Note that I wasn't as heavily engaged in the Naruto fandom like I do now so for me to isn't active back then, hearing about Sasuke Retsuden, speaks volume on how it is over the internet that it even reached me.
I hate Sasuke Retsuden. It's badly written, it's OOC especially for OG Naruto characters, and the canon inaccuracies are more than enough to drive me into aneurysm.
Below this cut is my detailed thoughts about Sasuke Retsuden.
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The villain looking like the male version of Karin caught me off guard. I don't know what the intentions behind the character design but I think they aimed for association as Jiji, one of the characters from this godforsaken novel, reminded me of Juugo.
I am not a sasukarin shipper but I do understand where the shippers are speaking from. I think they'll make a cool couple because Karin actually freaking cares about Sasuke when shit gets serious and outside of her "gag", she respects Sasuke's boundaries. Might be speaking out of the box but this novel in its existence was meant to be sasusaku-centric so the possibility of being threatened by all Sasuke-related ships, especially those making far more sense than SS, is high. I don't think Jun Esaka hates Karin. I would dare say that she picked a random character that could work as a direct contender to Sakura and unfortunately, she decided to scapegoat Karin. Moreover, the entire sensory ability shtick added to Sakura was uncalled for. I would go even further and say that Esaka's version of Sakura is what her stans hailed her to be--a superior version of [insert any Naruto's female character]. Even their pink haired kunoichi is incredibly OOC here and you expect me to take her seriously?
The funniest thing about Sasuke Retsuden is the way that they had to use SNS at first, specifically, Sasuke's mission is to find a cure for that chakra illness that Naruto alone suffers. Sure, this is SS centric but it all comes down to Sasuke and Sakura working together to find a cure for Naruto. Now, she could just write a novel about SS without using Naruto's "sickness" as some kind of a plot device, right? But no, she had to convince us somehow and an effective way to do that is literally Naruto and Sasuke.
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The dinosaur. Don't even get me started. Even tailed beasts cannot fight against Sharingan to the point that canon graciously provided us evidence of both Madara and Obito controlling the Nine Tailed Beast. The very same Sharingan that made the higher ups of Konoha suspect the Uchiha clan as mastermind for that same incident. We're talking about the same dojutsu that manipulated the Fourth Mizukage. The canon inaccuracy throws me off the loop.
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More inaccuracies. Suddenly Sasuke is an Earth and Ice Style user. Wow. Conveniently forgetting about Kakashi mentioning in Part 1 how Ice Style is a Kekkei Genkai that even Sharingan can't copy. As far as Naruto canon goes, Sasuke is a Fire and Lightning Style user. I don't consider Boruto as canon but even that animanga doesn't show any moment of Sasuke using Earth Style. It's insane that people claimed this as canon.
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THIS DISTURBING INTERACTION. I did say that the OG Naruto characters are OOC in this shitshow novel and yes, unfortunately that includes Sakura. We've seen the way she react around Naruto's sexy ninjutsu antics. Unless objectification of women or the mere implication of it doesn't perturb her, then it says more about how Esaka portrayed her. I'd personally file a restraining order when a guy says he'd settle for my old, half smoked cigarette butts. I'm surprised that she didn't throw any snide remarks here.
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WHO IS THIS SASUKE AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM. This panel made me laugh so hard because I feel like Esaka straight up ignored that Sasuke canonically spent years with his family before the Uchiha downfall happened. I don't think he'd be this clueless about how a married couple acts. Even in flashbacks, Sasuke was shown around his parents or Itachi, literally with his family. I think he knows well enough about married couples.
The ring part as well makes me cackle because Kurenai literally wears a ring in Shippuden. Trust me, Juugo-look-a-like, rings are used in Konoha by couples.
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The Uchiha clan symbol takes me out because AREN'T YOU GOING UNDERCOVER IN THIS PRISON? WHY ARE YOU SHOWING THAT OFF?
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The Chakra ring in question. Finding out the lore behind this further upset me and I am thankful that I no longer ship sasusaku. Show these panels out of context to someone with little to no exposure to canon and it would be romantic but if you know Narutoverse like the back of your hand, this novel served nothing. Seriously, the fact that Sasuke is incredibly OOC on this novel speak volumes. Imagine annihilating Sasuke's character to make SS work? Insanity.
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Writing Edo Tensei with rose tinted glasses disgust me. That jutsu is straight up manipulating a dead body at your bidding. Tobirama shouldn't have invented that jutsu. Hinting that jutsu to be used to revive a loved one that passed away is vile and disgusting. The lack of attention to canon isn't a new thing for Esaka at this point.
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Even this novel can't cover up the fact that Sakura doesn't know Sasuke well. If there's one thing that's consistent in the prequel, it was Naruto that gets into trouble. Sasuke doesn't use honorifics and he got away with it. His bluntness doesn't get him and everyone around him in trouble. Sasuke only began resorted to extremes when he was batshit blind and sinking into the unhinged depths of his hatred. Probably the only things that Sakura got correctly was Sasuke's kindness and his nonchalance about his looks but that's it. So the claim of knowing Sasuke inside and out is preposterous. The one who can say that is, guess who? Naruto.
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Ending this long analysis with this panel because honestly, Ino is asking the questions for me. Unfortunately, despite being "married", their dynamic stayed the same. Sakura is still that same girl that has a crush on Sasuke, except she's in her 30s and Sasuke is still the same boy that rejected her date offers and the idea of being together with her, even reaching the point that he's away from her a lot.
I do apologize for going off to the point that I decided to pull a meta post about this. I do hope you're doing well and I appreciate the ask!
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I love all Addams Family things, but the one thing the original black-and-white show will always do best is The Thing.
Because they couldn't do "dismembered hand running around" they had to get creative and so Thing kept popping out from random boxes and holes and it is the funniest shit ever.
Like, Morticia and Gomez are talking and suddenly WHAM! Thing pops out of Morticia's jewlery box, covered in bracelets and rings.
Uncle Fester lost his keys and WHAM, Thing crashes out of a vent and hands him the keys and goes back in the vent and politely closes the grate.
Sometimes Thing reaches out so far, you can almost see an elbow and you're like "Holy shit how LONG is Thing??"
It's amazing.
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wannaeatramyeon · 1 year
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Gun Park x Reader: this is our place (we make the rules)
Chapter 3 - Probably should read ch1 first
Gun has a new neighbour. Index: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Epilogue
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Gun already had half a mind to bin the whole lot of your homecooked food.
But when his stomach rumbles, instead of reaching for the delivery apps, he eyes the tupperware on his countertop instead.
He’s not usually one to eat things randomly handed to him. Quite honestly, you look pathetic. No way you would be an assassin trying to poison him. There’s a higher chance of Goo springing out from behind the TV.
Opening the lid and after giving it a cautious sniff, he places it in the microwave.
.
.
Shit.
Gun swallows the first mouthful of stew.
It’s fucking delicious.
.
.
You find the containers sitting outside your front door. Empty and clean.
On a sticky note, with awfully messy handwriting that you need to squint to decipher, it reads:
'it was good'
.
.
After you promised to leave him alone, Gun sees you everywhere.
In places he expects. 
Bumping into you in the lobby.
One time he held the door open for you on the way out, you a little too far away and having to break into a jog.
Gun then realising and leaving, resulting in the door slamming in your face by the time you got there.
In the elevator. 
Awkwardly standing together in the cramped space, you attempt small talk with a handful of grocery bags as he swipes through his phone.
“Hey Gun!”
Disinterested eyes peer over his sunglasses, “...Hi.”
That ‘hi’ being prickly as hell, immediately cutting off any other words on your tongue.
Outside the apartment.
You on the verge of tearing your hair out and trying to convince the doorman you live there as he takes in the state of your attire.
Gun sidesteps his way in, the staff briefly calling out “Good Evening, Mr Park.”
“HEY! WAIT GUN!” you call out. Unbelievable. Your fucking neighbour has just bypassed you like he didn’t know you. Like you’re not clearly arguing with a gatekeeper on a power trip. “HE’S MY NEIGHBOUR!”
The guard takes one look at Gun’s retreating back. “It’s clear he doesn’t know you.”
“Gun! You bastard!”
“Please leave, or we will call the police.”
Gun falters in his steps. 
Damn it. He pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out an exasperated sigh. “That’s my neighbour.”
And that elevator ride was a trip.
“I can’t believe you just left me there! You knew that guy was being an asshole!”
You reprimanded him all the way to your floor.
No matter. He’s used to the incessant chirping with Goo so he ignores you too even as the vein on his temple throbs.
“Aren’t you going to apologise?” You demand as he opens his door, your arms crossed tight and face like thunder.
“I got you in, didn’t I?”
Gun looks at you and you are certain he is rolling his eyes behind his shades.
“Now go away.”
The door is slammed in your face.
He sees you in places he didn’t expect.
Him, running around with his blonde partner or tailing Crystal.
You, outside cafes or just getting from A to B.
Like a magnet, his eyes are constantly drawn to yours.
And without fail, whenever you notice him, you flip him off.
You. Flipping Gun Park off.
Gun finds it the funniest thing. He snorts every time.
.
.
Your doorbell rings.
Interrupting your day of leisurely lounging around and scrolling through your phone as you lie sprawled on the sofa.
The boxes of your stuff you’re surrounded by? That can wait for another time.
It rings again.
Huh. You’re not expecting anyone.
Worming out of your cosy blankets, you make your way to the door.
There’s no one waiting on the little camera screen you pass in the hallway.
Eye pressed against the eye hole, you see no one there. 
You open the door a crack, enough to poke your head out and see a food delivery on your door mat.
A surprise from a friend? Perfect timing too as your stomach grumbles. Strange though, it’s not something anyone you know would do and they’re all broke as shit.
You spot the receipt stapled to the bag. As you take in the words, all you can think is for fuck’s sake.
‘G Park. Apartment X. Lunch order…’
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boxwinebaddie · 12 hours
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HI Uncle Nina <3 Can we hear about how your Rm!Style met as kids?
listen, you guys. i am SO excited for this!!! words cannot express how excited it makes me when i get to talk about the prequel, like they are sooo stikin' cute in the prequel!!! ilysm baby raven and jersey. MWAH!
*eldritchhorror!kenny!nina cracks knuckles n opens up a portal* okay girls, gays n gays, we're going on a field trip,
TO THE PAST!
( i’m chaotic bi ms. frizzle in the pink y2k hello kitty bus )
so, i gotta be honest, my friends, i don't know EXACTLY how old the boys are, but i am gonna say they are anywhere between 6-8 y/o. it's summer time and the broflovski's have just moved to southern park, colorado from sheila's hometown in new jersey...and have moved in right next door...to the marsh family, namely:
ravenstanley r.w. marsh.
who i am using as a primary narrator...FOR ONCE!
because to tell you this was the best day of his life was an goddamn understatement...to tell you that this changed his life, even, is a fkn understatement because this moment, this fateful day GAVE HIS ENTIRE LIFE MEANING. meeting kyle broflovski...was Everything.
again, it wasn't just like 'oh, this boy who moved next door to me is kinda cute, i might have a crush on him'
It Was Dead Serious, Guys.
a teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, ickle ravenstanley marsh heard a single loud, angry, brutal note of the kyle broflovski new jersey slaughterhouse and was immediately irreversibly head over heels IN LOVE with him.
fresh from jersey kyle asked stan if he could open his fresca and the man's synesthesia was flashing, spinning, ringing and dinging like he was playing the world's biggest slot machine and just hit JACKPOT.
and that was before he got a good look at him because...
Wooooowza. <3
all the hundreds of little freckles speckled over his skin like sun-stars, his big, beautiful curly red hair, his gorgeous, glowering mean, green eyes ravenstan was legitimately Breathtaken by kyle's beauty, omfg.
however, the funniest part abt all of this to me is that poor sweet pre!rm rae is legitimately having divine visions and hearing angelic choirs, meanwhile pre!rm jers is just staring blankly at this weird, giant-eyed freaky mouth-breathing rural colorado kid ( who ig is his neighbor now, smh ) that's just staring up at him and sweating and shaking and looks like he's having a Stroke.
edit: i forgot to describe what they looked like so know that ravenstan had come out of the house because his mom told him to say hi to the neighbors and help them with boxes and stuff, say hi to their son, etc.
i think his hair is shoulder length, but its in a lil ponytail, he's in randy's gigantic black sabbath t-shirt, probably has a gigantic edgy boy temp tattoo of a skull or a snake on his neck, smh, little like hot wheels, boy section of target-esqe stickers all over his face and arms, little other edgy elementary school boy marker tattoos on his arms because he literally has always been a rockstar.
meanwhile, jersey, in canon ncu baby kyle fashion, is wearing his gigantic kyle signature orange coat and green ushanka IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER because he is self conscious and sheila bought both on sale at the mall during summer when the winter stuff is all half up because she's a thrifty queen and wants him to get wear out of them and break them in...smh.
so he is sweating like hell and just wants to get his fresca open, which is very vintage and still comes in the bottle.
but regarding The Fresca Of Fate,
stan Does eventually ( open / it. )
...in the most chaotic, unhinged way possible, btw.
which is that baby ravenstan bites, rips and twists the cap off with his teeth like a feral fucking animal ( which i think happened because he was legitimately panicking like holy shit, what do i do, what the Fuck do i doooo?!?! i don't know how to get this open but the beautiful spotty boy w/ the perfect voice asked me to do it, so ¡oRALE! )
note: it is this party trick that he'd seen randy do a couple of times and just replicated, but totally ripped his lip open in the process, btw.
anyways, rae hands the fresca back to baby jersey and because he is a fkn idiot but also a superstar ( i love u raven ) shoots kyle the signature stanley marsh wink-peace sign-finger gun combo wombo.
and jersey is just SHOOK because that was, in fact, criminally insane, but also...kinda cool? and an oddly touching gesture because he could have just handed the bottle back or said go fuck yourself, new kid! because he didn't give a shit about this kid from next door and his parents were both busy...but wanted kyle to have his little drinky poo so bad that he literally busted his lip open turning into a can-opener for ky...and did the cutest, weirdest most awkward hand-sign ever.
tldr; it was brave and reckless and boyish and radiant. and kyle, who usually is highly disgusted by the germs of other people...finds that brings the lip of the fresca bottle to his with ease, sips his drink, which tastes like victory and probably a bit like cinnamon red hots, watches his weirdo neighbor give him the wink peace sign finger gun combo and is so weirdly endeared by this that he...
gives stan a rare kyle smile and even rarer kyle laugh. :’)
and this is so glorious and gorgeous to ravenstan that he literally cannot breathe, his heart is pounding in his chest, he is fkn shaking, goes to say something and immediately THROWS UP ALL OVER KYLE AND PASSES OUT. skhdlksahdsh HEEEEELP NO.
but yeah...that's how dad and dad met. please note that in canon ncu fashion ravenstan followed jersey around like a lovesick puppy, ignoring all of the kids trying to get his attention and play with him, desperate for kyle to acknowledge his existence for literally five seconds or accept his offer of being super best friends...
all the while, jerseykyle is trying to get away from him because he doesn't like other people, doesn't want to be friends, just wants to be left alone and be alone skhdld and is like weird kid with the giant eyeballs PLEASE FUCK OFF ( this does make stan fall more in love with him, stan i need you to go to therapy for the type of guys u like ) and this apathy and disinterest continues until...
stan takes the stark's pond hockey puck for him.
and suddenly, kyle's cold dead heart starts beating again, he sees ravenstan in the hospital recovering from slicing his face and mouth open again, who smiles so hard he RIPS his stitches open again, smh and from that moment on, they are Super Best Friends.
but both secretly want something more, legend says.
-uncle nina, obsessed with the prequel <3
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greyeyedmonster-18 · 1 year
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one brush with love
(also in honor of @impishtubist day, i am going to do something i dont normally do and have two fics occurring at the same time. this was supposed to be dropped yesterday but...alas.
inspired from an unintentional prompt on discord of "I said no!", where someone doesn't accept a proposal...a tumblr Starking exclusive.
enjoy xoxo)
a/n. there is a line in this that i think is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever written and if any of yall can take a guess...
--
Chapter 1. An Indecent Proposal
Sirius face felt like it was going to fall off he had been holding a fake smile for so long. His “present face”. That’s what James used to call it, anyway. The face Sirius made when he opened a gift he hated or was otherwise impractical or would take up space in their dorm, and Sirius would nod and smile and say thank you; and his voice would go up several octaves lying through his teeth as he described how much he wanted one of these things for ages and simply had never bought it for himself. James would always poke fun, laughing loudly as the smile dropped from Sirius’s face, and the lies stopped.
Sirius never imagined when he was proposed to for the first time, by the man he thought he had loved the very best since he was sixteen, that his “present face” would appear, and he would be rendered speechless.
Sirius didn’t know what to do with his arms, letting them hang there stupidly at his side, suddenly aware of how long and bulky they were. Too much, too much, maybe I can have them shrunk at St. Mungo’s. Just two short little arms that don’t look ridiculous at your sides when you’re standing in front of your boyfriend who is expecting an answer to a proposal. Yeah, just go ahead and say yes, so we can get this operation started and you never have to worry about stupid dangling arms again, THAT works, right? Okay.
Saying words…. now.
“I—”
“I feel like I deserve a trophy of sorts for managing to surprise you, baby,” Remus said, looking up at him. “I love you and I—”
“No!”
The flock of birds that erupted from the trees surrounding them might have been funny had Sirius said yes. Some people after getting engaged shot off confetti canons, doves released from boxes, and it would be just so SiriusandRemus to have pigeons or whatever the fuck they were instead flapping around them.
So wrong, it was right.
But standing there with his stupid arms…Sirius realized it might have just been wrong.
"No?"
Sirius felt a chill go down his spine, frozen as he stared at Remus, who was down on the ground on one knee. There was a hole there. Sirius could see the freckled, knobby kneecap poking through the hole of the brown trousers that Remus loved.
That Sirius loved, even though the waistband didn't fit and there was a hole, and in the pockets too-- throughout the day Remus would drop knuts on the ground, uncaring as they slipped through his pockets, and Sirius would smile and pick them up. Stealing someone else's good luck. Because Remus was wavering on his knee, and his long fingers holding a ring were starting to shake as well, staring up at Sirius.
There was ink down Remus's arm, where he had written a speech. I love you and you and you and you, only you, forever, always, in this lifetime and the next. Written in the stars, shit.
The romantic kind that Remus usually didn't do, but he had this time.
And the sun was setting just right, and the golden light reflecting off brown hair should have been it. And the birds should've been singing, and Sirius should've been crying, and there was a bottle of champagne somewhere, right? To pop, to explode. They were supposed to be kissing.
But neither of them had moved.
"N-no?" Remus asked again, his arms lowering slowly.
"I don't know why I said that" Sirius said, unconsciously taking a step back from Remus, "I didn't mean--"
"I think you did."
“I didn’t, I swear I just..didn’t.”
“You practically shouted it, Sirius."
"I thought you were asking if I wanted cheese on my sandwich." A picnic. Remus had planned a picnic for Merlin's sake!
"Well, do you?"
"No."
"Two for two."
"Remus...."
Remus slowly rose from his position, the hand holding the ring going into his pocket. Almost immediately, the tiny band slipped through the hole in Remus's trousers, barely making a sound as it fell to the sidewalk, and Remus began walking down the path. Sirius don’t know what compelled him to pick up the ring—maybe if he looked at it up-close his answer would change, and they could go back to how it was 10 minutes ago before Sirius had destroyed everything. Remus had surprisingly done a good job with the ring, golden and not too thick, handmade; inside a barely perceptible inscription of forever just as Remus had verbally said.
Just as they had said when they were eighteen and graduated from Hogwarts, holding hands and looking at the Black Lake for the last time with death-grips. Eight white knuckles. Convincing themselves that they would stay together, forever, because they had to be.
“Remus, wait!”
And to Sirius’s surprise, Remus stopped in his tracks on the pavement, Sirius barely having to jog to catch up with him.
“What?”
“I—” Sirius stalled, “I wasn’t expecting you to actually stop and wait for me, so I don’t…have anything to say right at this moment, but give me a second and—”
“I only stopped to wait because I realized you drove us here.”
“Oh.”
“Oh.” Remus mocked, eyebrows raising and staring at Sirius for some sort of explanation. “There’s a fucking party waiting for us back at Number 12. Harry helped me plan this bit out. And we’re going to go back there and say what? Never mind! It was all a lie! Nothing matters! Go fuck yourself, Sirius.”
“I mean…that’s probably going to happen for a while considering I don’t think I’m fucking—”
“Don’t be charming.”
“Well, I can’t help that.”
“I am going to spit in your face, I swear on Merlin’s Right Saggy Tit, Sirius Black.”
Sirius sighed, and handed the ring back to Remus carefully, “I…said no.”
“To cheese on your sandwich, I’ve heard.”
“And to getting married.”
“Remember that time James accidentally pantsed me in front of the entire school? Don’t laugh, you are not allowed to laugh anymore,” Remus said, sternly, pointing a finger at Sirius who bit down on his lip, “And I said to you I didn’t think there was anything more embarrassing?”
“I…remember.”
“This takes the cake.”
“…Do you have one in that picnic basket?”
“There’s one at Number 12.”
“It’s…still ours to eat.”
“It says Congratulations, not feeling particularly celebratory at this moment,” Remus shook his head and shoved the ring back down into his pockets. The same one with a hole in it. The ring would undoubtedly fall out again and Sirius wasn’t sure this time he would pick it up. Maybe a bird would find it, bring it back to its nest. At least then someone, something would use it as part of their home.
“We don’t have a lot of options here Remus, and I’m—”
“Trying to make the best of it, you always do. It’s why I wanted to marry you.”
And this was where the guilt set in. This was where Sirius would normally back-peddle, already thinking of ways he could pull the punches and soften the blow. Confess to Remus with his “present face” that he just wasn’t ready now and, in a year, or so when Harry was older, or maybe when the sitting room was painted the perfect shade of yellow, Sirius would say yes, loudly and proudly. Or else return to their home and start plotting a proposal in reverse, where it was Sirius on one knee with shaky hands telling Remus that he just had to be the one to propose and the ring would be perfect, and Remus would smile so wide Sirius would be able to see the gap in his bottom teeth. But Sirius didn’t want to do either of those.
There was always a third choice between yes, and no. You just had to be clever enough and brave enough to find out what it was.
“So…” Sirius breathed out, “How…about we just get trashed instead?”
“What.” Remus asked, unamused, eyes red from tears that hadn’t fallen yet but had dried all the same. Shoulders hunched over. All pride from the start of their drive to the park gone.
“We get trashed. Off the…whatever you packed for our picnic, I’m assuming there’s something?”
“Fucking 20 galleon bottle of wine.”
“Then we drink that. And…then go to a pub down the road. Stay out so late, everyone leaves Number 12, and…we don’t have to deal with anything until…not now.”
“And well just go home together? And sleep in the same bed together? And tomorrow morning tell Harry that love is a joke?”
“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, “I think he can take it.”
“We’ll I can’t. Why—”
“It doesn’t…feel right, Moony. And I didn’t…know until you were down on one knee.”
Remus nodded slowly before starting down the path again. Sirius stood and waited again, watching Remus’s retreating back unsure of whether to stay or follow and try one more time. But he saw Remus reach into the backpack, pulling out the aforementioned bottle of wine. He looked around before magically popping out the cork, pausing on the sidewalk, and chugging the expensive wine like it was water.
He turned his head towards Sirius, holding out the bottle like an olive branch, and for the second time that late afternoon, Sirius walked to catch up to Remus.
“I get most of this.”
“Alright,” Sirius grinned, feeling the guilt that had knotted itself up in the pit of his stomach slowly unravel. He took a sip from the bottle.
He fucking hated wine.
Wrong.
Present face.
--
The night was long, mostly spent drinking in silence across from each other. Not wanting to drink alone but not walking to speak to the other person.
Remus was hurt.
Sirius was in shock, adrenaline coursing through his veins and he would feel the hurt later.
They used a portkey to get home, leaving Sirius’s car at the park for him to retrieve tomorrow, along with anything else left behind.
Dignity.
Maybe love.
Number 12 was empty, as Sirius expected, the Congratulations cake left on the kitchen table, though it had been carved into (as a result of a hoard of impatient children in attendance) no doubt.
Sirius woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache, too old to be drinking all night, and stumbled into the kitchen for a glass of water. He leaned against the refrigerator—a ghastly muggle appliance that Sirius had grown accustomed to in the tiny flat days with him and Remus and hadn’t found a way to make it blend seamlessly into the décor of Number 12.
But at the moment in felt cool and calming on his forehead and racing thoughts.
He hadn’t quite figured out what to do, or what to say, or what was going to happen next.
“Uh…Mr. Black?”
Sirius startled, pulling away from the fridge and running a hand through his hair before turning around to face the voice.
Kelly? Clara? Katie? A muggle babysitter they used for Harry from the neighborhood. They had cycled through so many over the years, between accidental magic and Number 12 Grimmauld Place deciding to have a mind of its own whenever Remus and Sirius would leave, that Sirius was starting to lose track of the names.
“Oh, hi K…aaa…rrriiitt—”
“Karina.”
“Right, right, sorry, Karina, long night,” Sirius offered, giving her a weak smile, “Thank you for staying…over unexpectedly. Let me just find…” Sirius walked across the kitchen and down the hallway leading to the front door where they kept a small chest of drawers. A stack of muggle money was in the first one, after Sirius had attempted to pay babysitter and pizza delivery persons one too many times with galleons. “Sorry about that—was Harry alright?”
“He went into a sugar coma about eight and has been asleep since. I did my best to clean up the party.”
“Ah, what would we do without you, Kate.”
“Karina.”
Sirius closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, silently cursing himself, “Right. Here’s…a little extra just for that.”
The young girl laughed, reaching up to the hook to grab her coat and her small purse before accepting the money, “How…did last night go?” she asked, a smile on her face as she expected what Sirius knew everyone expected.
“I…I said no!” Sirius exclaimed with false excitement, extending his empty ring fingers to Karina and watched as her face fell and turned pink.
Seemed about right.
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antlerx-art · 11 months
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GOOD OMENS 2 EPISODE 1 REACTION - CONTAINS SPOILERS‼️
STARTING IT OMG.
IT’S HIM IT’S LITERALLY HIM I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS???? I MEAN I SUSPECTED IT BUT IN THE FIRST SCENE????
is that the bentley thing he’s using????
ALSO THEY ALREADY KNEW EACH OTHER????? BUT I GUESS ONLY CROWLEY REMEMBERS
“there you go, lovely”😭😭😭
“i’m Aziraphale” / “nice meeting you” AND YOU WON’T TELL US YOUR NAME? MH??
“LOOK AT YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS.” and aziraphale looking at him oh lord
nah crowley has a point shut up aziraphale
AZIRAPHALE WANTING TO KEEP CROWLEY FROM GETTING INTO TROUBLE AS ALWAYS 😭
THE WING THING NO FUCKING WAY. NO. FUCKING. WAY.
london present day hiiiii HI AZIRAPHALE
noooo WHY IS SHE CRYING
this is so cute i’m going to combust
OHH CROWLEY AND SHAX SCENE i know this by heart
so i guess the something going down in the up is gabriel
“you’ll tell me what i need”???? which is?
frozen peas💀
MAGGIE AND NINAAAAAA (holy shit!)
poor aziraphale NOT THE HUG STOP. WHAT IS THIS. POOR AZIRAPHALE
THE EXTREME SANCTIONS THIS IS CLEVEEEERRR
HERE WE GO another scene i know by heart
“i have no idea what that feels like”sure👍🏻 stay in denial
“I think it’s my brain but i’m not sure” oh i know he’s gonna be the funniest
THE BOX!
“his royal smugness is in trouble that’s so sad” why is this so???? i love crowley
the box is empty well I should’ve expected it
“you’re funny, i love you” okay so gabriel confessed before crowley 😍
“jaaaames long for jim short for gabriel”
aziraphale has A LOT of patience i could never
hi muriel!
TONE OF VOICE? i love them
“BECAUSE THERES A NAKED MAN THERE?”💀
“ANGEL”!!!!!
NOO NINA HAS A PARTNER ☹️
“ASK HIM PROPERLY.” bye i thought it was gonna be some sort of miracle but it’s actually just crowley shouting at jim
WHAT. OHHHH HES MAD HES DEFINITELY MAD
“YOURE ON YOUR OWN WITH THIS ONE”? like crowley is right i also wouldn’t trust him BUT COME ONNNNN
OHH THATS WHEN HE SMOKES AND EXPLODES but the scream is different from the trailer
and nina and maggie are locked in 🫢
FINALLY FOUND OUT HOW MURIEL IS PRONOUNCED
michael acts like my maths teacher
BEELZEBUB HELLOOOOO
THEYRE IN HELL what the. hell?
I KNEW IT i knew they were gonna offer him to become duke of hell
“EXTREME SANCTIONS” again the marketing for this show is great
okay so anyone involved with gabriel’s disappearance will be deleted from existence and crowley is worried about aziraphale
nina and maggie are literally crowley and aziraphale i love them
NO FUCKING WAY THATS GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY ITS ACTUALLY IN THE SHOW NOW
so what they’re saying is that *aziraphale* is the one who knew maggie’s great grandmother lol
WAIT all those theories about crowley ringing the bell and then saying “i’m back” being two different scenes because of his position in the room when he was actually just being dramatic and took 20 steps away
A PROPER APOLOGY WITH THE LITTLE DANCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN
apology in 1941? HMM????
WHAT. IS. THIS.
aziraphale and crowley will dance in season two! the actual dance: 🧚🏻‍♂️💃🏻
I want to see every single wrong take of this scene every single blooper
oohhh so that’s why muriel won’t recognize him that’s smart i should’ve considered it
no rapunzel you have to stay here fathers know best ‼️
HEAVEN DEFINITELY DIDN’T NOTICE A THING 👍🏻
I was about to say that even though episodes are shorter than season one you don’t actually notice the difference but maybe I just paused it too many times and it became half an hour longer
tagging @neil-gaiman since he said he was interested in reading live reactions
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abbyrd · 2 years
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Rain ~
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John Lennon x reader
Summary: Neither you or John checked the weather forecast before going out for a walk, could that have been a mistake?
A/N: This is my first fic! I hope you enjoy. This idea just randomly popped into my head, and I keep getting off task, and so it’s a miracle I’m actually sitting here writing it. This is so fluffy. Hope you enjoy. :)
Word Count: 836
Warning(s): infrequent swearing.
~~~~~~~~~~~
“Awh, Johnny! Look at that cat!” You said, your smile getting wider as you pointed at a fluffy white and gray cat that sat on one of the park benches.
You let go of John’s hand, approaching the cat. The cat licked itself, appearing to not even acknowledging your presence, when it suddenly looked up and let out a loud, threatening hiss and tried to swipe its paw at you. You jumped back, bumping into John. He wrapped his arms around you and chuckled.
“Let’s leave that thing alone,” He said, grabbing your hand and pulling you back onto the trail.
The cat’s glare was unwavering, and it watched menacingly as you and John continued your walk. But in reality, it was a pretty small cat, and it probably couldn’t hurt you too bad. It reminded you of John in his teddy boy phase; John seemed quite unapproachable but really he was sweet and loving, the complete opposite of the cat. You giggled, squeezing John’s hand.
You looked up at John as he started rambling on about how excited he was about something. Gosh, his smile gave you butterflies. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, but were snapped out of your trance when he made eye contact with you.
“Whatcha’ looking at?” He asked, crooked grin getting wider. You just smiled, and pecked him on the cheek.
“You and your handsomeness.” You replied, letting go of his hand to bring it up and playfully mess up his hair before letting your hand back down and grabbing his.
He blushed, bashfully looking away. He fixed his hair with his free hand when he felt a raindrop. He looked up at the sky, brows knitting in confusion. That’s when he realized that the sky was covered in dark storm clouds. He wondered how neither you or him had noticed the sky darkening.
“Hey, love? I think it’s about to storm.” He said, almost warily.
“It’ll just be a short little rain shower like normal. We’re fine.” You remarked, disregarding the weather completely. Oh boy, were you wrong. Continuously, the rain continued to get harder and harder. You quickly figured that it was time to go, and you hurriedly exclaimed, “Oh shit! John, we gotta go!”
He nodded, and you both took off running as fast as you could. The rain lashed against you both, soaking everything. You made one wrong step into a fresh puddle and you came crashing down, pulling John down with you. You both landed on the wet grass, and looked at each other for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter. You both got up quickly though, despite the fact that your sides hurt because of how hard you were laughing.
When you made it to the street, you continued running but John stopped and pulled you into his chest. He looked at you with a grin, and twirled you around.
You giggled, pressing your lips against his. “I love you so much.” You said, pure love in your eyes. But your smile dropped out of pure shock when he started getting down on one knee.
He pulled a box out of his pocket, and opened it, and inside was the prettiest diamond ring you’ve ever seen.
“Y/n, I love you so fucking much. You’re the prettiest, kindest, and funniest person I’ve ever met. Ever since I met you I knew you were the one. You make me a better person. I don’t know if I could ever live without you. Will you marry me?”
You couldn’t tell if it was the rain or if tears were spilling down your cheeks. You nodded, the biggest grin on your face. “Yes, yes, of course, yes!”
He stood up, sliding the ring onto your finger delicately. You threw your arms around him, embracing him tightly. When you let go of him, you deeply kissed him. Words couldn’t describe your level of happiness.
You were being all lovey-dovey when suddenly thunder roared, and you both remembered that you were trying to get home. You both grabbed each other’s hand tightly and continued running until you got home. You both ran into the house, and quickly shut the door behind you. You leaned against the door, looking at John, and you were both panting from all the running.
Once you both almost fully caught your breath, you embraced. It was a very wet embrace, but neither of you minded. You both smelled of petrichor.
“Let’s go take a warm shower together. I’m freezing.” You said, slightly shivering. He nodded, grabbing your hand and leading you to the bathroom.
You didn’t even clean yourself, you just held eachother tight, not wanting to let go for even a second.
When you got out, you were more than glad to get into bed and get dry clothes on. Again, you and John were basically glued together, not letting go at all. As you dozed off, you thought about how much you loved him. And he was sure as hell thinking about how much he loved you.
~~~~~~~
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Max Parish X Reader (Short story)
Context: Max has a very childish mind, and wants to try something with you 😏💚
You were just lead down on the bed with Max having a rather steamy and passionate makeout session. You couldn't keep your hands off eachother as yours and his hands explored every inch of eachothers bodies. You were lead next to him as your arm rested on his chest, but then you slowly started moving your hand down towards his trousers and started moving your fingers around to undo his belt.
"Babes just hold on a sec" "What's wrong babe?" "Oh trust me, there is absolutely nothing wrong" he tells you while looking really exited. "Then why did you want me to stop?" "Because I have an idea! Now bare with me on this, but there is something really funny and really stupid I want to try. And now that your magic hands have made me harder than a rock, its the perfect time to try it!" "Try what?" He smirks before sitting up on the bed while you do the same.
"I have a box of ring donuts in the kitchen, and I have a have a, may I say rather impressive hard on-" "Oh my god Max, are you serious?!" "Ah come on babes it will be fun to try!" "Are you telling me that you brought ring donuts hear tonight, in hopes that I will play hoopla with your dick?! That's......actually a very funny idea!" "Yes! I knew you'd want to give it a go! Come on-" "Wait wait babe, look down, your not as hard anymore" "Oh shit yeh"
"Come on, let's continue what we started then we can try it" He smiles happily as you both get back to your makeout session, and of course your hand moves down to his trousers again. Slowly rubbing the now growing and hard bulging cock on the inside of his trousers. Once hes hard enough, you pop into the kitchen and grab the box of donuts before going back into the bedroom. "Right Parish, take them off" You dont need to tell him twice, and he pulls his trousers and pants down to reveal his rock hard cock as it bounces out of his pants.
It's so funny when you try to throw a donut onto him, you try and try again to land on on him but you haven't had much luck with it, it doesn't help when your both giggling. Then finaly on the last one, you throw it and it lands right onto his dick and it slides down comfortable on him. You both shout out in celebration from finaly getting one on him, giggling ,you jump back onto the bed next to him. "Babes that was so funny! I cant belive we just did that!" "I know, you have the funniest ideas Max"
"I know. Right, let's get this off" "Wait, wait! Dont take it off yet" "Why not?" "Because not only have we been having fun, but.... your as hard as a rock and there is a little treat waiting for me right hear....I will take care of it....then take care of you...."
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sslloowwbbuurrnn · 1 year
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Summer Reading #1: The Perfection of Yoga by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda
   My hot girl summer reading pile is off to a slow but steady start. I’m on holiday for a fortnight, which is the perfect opportunity for me to read this pile of books I’ve been growing all year, and I’m gonna blog about it cos I can. Welcome.
   I am currently slowly reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, to be consumed one bite at a time. Will keep this one going alongside the others which I will zoom through, and it’s full of tasty nuggets of wisdom that I’ll share as I go. Comparable (from my perspective) to reading the Biblical book of Proverbs. Other texts that I’m chipping through include the Secular Buddhism podcast by Noah Rasheta, and I’m about to dig into Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. I’ve recently listened to an interview with her which covered the basic concepts, so it’s fresh in my brain. These are worth mentioning from the get go as they’re all pretty philosophical and certainly influencing the lens through which I read these other books, and for my own purposes I want to share bits and pieces from these as I digest them. I’m consuming these texts and observing how they alter my perspective as they sink into my brain. It reminds me of an excerpt from Listening, a R.A.P. Ferreira track with a spoken sample from jazz pianist Hal Galper:
“You have to be listening 28 hours a day. One of the things I count on in my teaching is that everyone has been listening, so that once I make a point, the ring of truth occurs. They say, "Oh, I've heard that," or, "I've felt that”.”
   He might be speaking on music theory, but it resonates with me as I learn new concepts and then come to understand them as they become relevant in my life. I’m excited for this collection of books. It’s also my personal project as I spend this fortnight alone with my parents and after a very busy start to the new year - I’m gonna return home all wise and enlightened and shit.    Noah Rasheta shares a quote from the Dalai Lama at the beginning of each podcast episode which I feel is relevant too:
“Do not try to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a better Buddhist, use it to be a better whatever you already are.”
   I like this as it reflects my attitude while reading the books that I am. I was wrapped up in the harmful control of Christianity for most of my life so I’m not really interested in rushing into another religion, but I am curious and seeking self improvement, and I’m excited that my learnings don’t need to fit within some kind of box. My mind is more malleable than it used to be, and I am open to whatever advice is going to help me become a more empathetic and caring member of this human community. I’m inspired to write too as it will help me remember what I learn; it’s fun to look back on my journaling and writing; and my partner is a passionate writer and it has re-awoken that in me a little. It’s a purely self-serving project but I hope other people enjoy my musings too. So without further ado, let’s jump in the deep end and criticise a religious text.
   Today I finished The Perfection of Yoga by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda. It’s a very short book, elaborating on concepts around yoga and excerpts from the Bhagavad-gitā, which I received for free from some Hare Krishnas at some point. Have been looking forward to reading it as I love yoga and I wanted to understand more about its cultural background, but as it turns out that is not really what the book is about at all. I didn’t learn anything about the practice of yoga as I understand it, but I certainly understand the Hare Krishna religious practice more than I did.    As a brief preface, my previous experiences with the Hare Krishnas include great food and bumping into annoying airheads on Cuba St. At every interaction they’ve really buttered me up and tried to win me over. The funniest interaction was one handing me a copy of the Bhagavad-gitā on the street as a “gift”, but as I walked away they were like “oh sorry, that’s $10”. I tried to return the book then, telling them I’m a poor student and I have no cash. They pulled out an eftpos machine. I can’t remember if it was this interaction or another one, but I also tried to decline the book due to religious differences as I was a Christian at the time. But then they went on about how much they love Christians and think we’re kind and wonderful. One way or another I was too spineless and ended up buying a copy of the Bhagavad-gitā. I tried to read it but as it was worshipping another god in the text, I put it down as it didn’t fit with my beliefs. Years later I grabbed this mini one on yoga.    The other context I had going into reading this was that my partner recently told me about his brief time being involved with them years ago. While he felt the food and chanting was good and elements of their beliefs, he concluded the Hare Krishna movement served mostly as a way to scoop up the hippies of the 60s, and that it is taking advantage of young, directionless people, and separating them from their relationships and personal interests in a cult-like manner. After reading The Perfection of Yoga, I can understand why he came to that conclusion.    The author Prabhupāda explains that the only way to achieve the perfection of yoga is by 24/7 thinking of Krsna (moving into Krishna Consciousness) and essentially shutting yourself off to material desires, striving only for spiritual desires and Krsna. You should only eat enough to live, sleep 6 hours a night, and ideally live in complete isolation. Everything you do must be dedicated to Krsna. Enjoying food is one of these material desires (aka sinful, worldly pleasures), so if you prepare something tasty it should only be done for Krsna as an offering, and in Krsna’s mercy he will allow you to eat it. Sex is permitted as well, but all these things are seen as necessary chores to keep your earthly vessel alive. Celibacy is encouraged and if you choose this, sitting alone with even your mother, sister, or daughter is a risk that should be avoided. You should remove material temptations from your life as much as possible. What’s really important is your soul, and time on earth is seen as temporary and your body is not your true self. Your life on earth should ideally be spent only seeking Krsna so that when your body dies your soul can either reach their version of a heaven, (which is again Krishna Consciousness I believe), or if you don’t achieve perfection you will return to earth in a new body to pick up where you left off.    There are numerous other conditions one should adhere to which really shocked me, but it can be summarised as living in absolute disconnection from the world, no attachment to anything material/physical (the “illusion”), and whole dedication to the spiritual through Krishna Consciousness (the “reality”). This all reads to me as control and manipulation, encouraging ill health, eating disorders, inviting sexual and other abuse, cult behaviour, and creating a group of people ready to be inducted straight into Nazi-dom. The use of the words “pure” and “perfection” throughout this text are alarming, and to achieve this perfection is realistically unattainable. It also provides an alluring escapism from dealing with anything going on earth. The text actively encourages isolation - even if they have a family, some Indian devotees will leave their wife and children at age 40 or 50 (I can’t recall exactly and I can’t find the passage) and go to live in isolation and spend the rest of their earthly life seeking Krsna. To me this lifestyle just produces airhead zombies, and another flavour of hippies who lean dangerously close to Nazi ideology and use their beliefs as an excuse to disengage from any responsibilities as a society dweller.    It’s worth acknowledging that the Hare Krishna belief system is not the only one that encourages this isolation from society, I think there’s a version of this ideology present in most religions, whether god-ordained or skewed by followers to suit their wants. The world is a pretty overwhelming place so it’s understandable why this lifestyle is appealing to people. But even so, I’m shocked by the extremity of theses parameters outlined in this book.    The Perfection of Yoga was a short, interesting read, and definitely not what I was expecting at all. But I’m glad I read it, was more accessible for me than the Bhagavad-gitā, and it feels good to learn about other religions. I’ve spent most of my life as a Christian and never learning a thing about other religions, despite being vehemently opposed to them. Now I can wholeheartedly dislike the Hare Krishna movement and back it up. And I’ve gained an appetite to learn more, particularly about the harm caused by this movement, their complex ideas around reincarnation, and personally George Harrison’s album “All Things Must Pass”. If this movement really picked up momentum in the west around the 60s/70s, having ex-Beatle George Harrison releasing a whole ass chart-topping mainstream album worshiping Krishna must’ve really helped their cause.
   Next on my reading list is Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, a book all about fungi, and Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes De Mez, which is about how American white nationalism has steered western Christianity into the Trump loving beast it is today. Gonna read these in tandem since they’re quite a contrast, and neither are the kind that I want to race through without having a good chew.
   I’d close with an excerpt from today’s book, except I don’t think there was actually a single passage that I really liked or agreed with... So I’ll close with something from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations instead:
“Men seek retreats for themselves - in the country, by the sea, in the hills - and you yourself are particularly prone to this yearning. But all this is quite unphilosophic, when it is open to you, at any time you want, to retreat into yourself. No retreat offers someone more quiet and relaxation than that into his own mind, especially if he can dip into thoughts there which put him at immediate and complete ease: and by ease I simply mean a well-ordered life. So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself. The doctrines you will visit there should be few and fundamental, sufficient at one meeting to wash away all your pain and send you back free of resentment at what you must rejoin.”
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titus-androgynous-87 · 8 months
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So the neighbor kid rang my doorbell at like 7pm yesterday, and would not leave until I, specifically, came to the door
I assumed she wanted to ask to play with the dog, and I was going to tell her no. Because kid, I’m not gonna police the way you’re being parented, but in my house? Past 6pm it’s “please dear god let me be” hours. But she handed me this painting instead, and said it was for my birthday. The paint was still wet when she gave it to me, and she told me she was too impatient to wait until my actual birthday
I am unironically in love with this. For a lot of reasons. One being that it’s a very sweet gesture from a kid I was fully convinced only saw me as an inconvenient roadblock to playtime with our dog (because I set very firm boundaries with these kids about when and how we can interact. Because that’s all I fucking need is the transphobic Statler & Waldorf neighbors to accuse me and my wife of grooming kids. And I also just don’t want to interact with children in any setting without their parents or caregivers within arm’s reach)
But why I really love it is that as a rapidly-approaching-middle-age butch non-binary he-him lesbian, it’s the first interaction I’ve had with a kid where I’ve been on the other side of a ring-of-keys moment
It’s a bit surreal, and a very…humbling, I suppose, experience. I’m not sure that’s the right word I want, but we’ll go with it. It’s like this “oh shit, this kid SEES me” feeling. And I suppose it feels so strange to me because I didn’t think I’d make it to 16, let alone 36, and I’d never met someone like me growing up. Butch, sure. Blue collar 100-footers named things like Denise or Gerry, and wore Red Wing work boots they resoled themselves. Had nicknames like Sledge or for some ungodly reason Pile Driver (though I’m pretty sure PD gave herself that nickname. Sledge was cool as fuck though. Made great lemonade and was one of the funniest people I’d ever met. And I’m very sad she’s gone) And the elusive Tackle Box, which is a story for another post.
But I never met another he/they, another enby/trans person, another butch who (try as he might) wasn’t hard as nails and ready to fight a man for breathing in their direction.
And to witness a kid look at you and see themselves in real-time…it’s not a bad feeling at all. It’s just an odd one I can’t quite explain. But I’m very glad that there’s at least one kid I can help figure out that, hey someone else is like me
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cisthoughtcrime · 3 years
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when I was a toddler and my younger brother and sister were born, we'd go for walks with my parents pushing them in a dual pram and people would say "aw so cute, are they twins?" and I'd say "yes! this is my sister and this is my brother" and they'd say "oh are they identical?" and, just like my 'if-we-have-kids-they-can-deliver-punchlines-for-us' parents had taught me to, I'd say "no, one has a penis"
#maybe i was destined for terfistry 😔#this also is so far from the funniest thing they set me up to say#when i was 4 and adorable my dad got me to call his boss's boss a convicted predatory monopolist to his face#at 2-3 i had a playdate with another kid whose mom was proud of the fact that he could identify his body parts when she prompted#like 'wheres your nose? very good!'#so of course in a return demonstration my parents say '[name] wheres your clavicle?' and i point to it because it's just training your kid#a few years ago we went back and watched some home VHS tapes from my infancy and holy shit the stuff they were saying aroundme was so funny#there was a cop at a playground and they had me toddle up to him and drop a bag of playdoh and insist it wasnt mine and he had planted it#i stopped playing along by the time i was 7 or so because i almost got in trouble with my grandparents#my parents' whole courtship (genuinely how they refer to when they were dating) was prank-based#when i was born i was playfully weaponised#in the late 90s my mom sent me to interrupt my dads work holding a giant magnet and threatening to wipe his hard drive with it#in return my dad taught me songs that always get stuck in my mom's head#when he proposed to her in a horsedrawn carriage he was totally serious for once but when he opened the box the ring bounced out because#the ride was bumpy and she almost dumped him because she thought it was another prank but they laugh about it now#when they got a second dog and she reluctantly let him name it (because she assumed it would be a joke) she was pleasantly surprised#he named the dog Tucker and the payoff wasnt until a year and a half later when the dog was big enough to jump on the counter#so my dad could yell 'Tuck off!' and and my mom cried laughing#so she got a laptop sticker that said 'dog mom' and referred to herself in front of him as 'mother-tucker' for a while#i have infinite more stories like this but i think it's just on the brain cuz they just had an anniversary and we did a reminiscing vidchat#anyway oversharing in the notes over
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jupitermelichios · 3 years
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So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).
So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.
So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.
(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)
(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)
so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them
One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.
I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.
I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.
Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.
Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.
So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.
It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.
Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.
Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.
Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.
Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.
I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.
Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.
Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.
Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.
Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.
I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.
I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.
I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.
I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.
I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.
When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.
I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.
I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.
Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.
Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.
The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.
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hanemiso · 3 years
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Can I request which Tokyo Revengers guys would like to scare their s/o all the time when they're watching scary videos or listening to scary podcasts during October as their s/o loves Halloween? Please and thank you
which tokyorev boys would scare their s/o during scary videos
a/n: hehehehehhe HEHEHEHEHE YES I LOVE THIS IDEA OMG :D thank you for requesting <33 i’m gonna do the top 5 boys in no particular order hehe (ariel don’t come at me for putting hanma) these are very short i apologize
genre: fluff, crack
warnings: swearing
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— sano manjiro (mikey)
he’s such a tease, he loves scaring you. when he sees you watching a horror movie with all the lights off, he schemes too quickly. he’d actually be the one to make the video from “the ring” play on the TV and call you right after, whispering “seven daysss” into the speaker. he’ll laugh his ass off if he can hear your screams from down the hall.
— mitsuya takashi
mitsuya has two younger sisters he adores, which means he takes out all of his menacing thoughts on you. he gets somewhat of a thrill from scaring you, since he doesn’t even try to do it to luna and mana. if he hears you listening to a scary podcast while he’s in the middle of sewing, he’ll stop what he’s doing and come up behind you to jump scare you. you bet he’s cackling when you throw the couch pillow at him, pouting for scaring you.
— kawata nahoya (smiley)
this boy loves fucking with you, so be prepared. especially during halloween season, smiley scares you every chance he gets. even if angry warns him not to because he ended up with your shoe being thrown square at his face, he’ll do it, claiming it’s fine. smiley goes the extra mile with his pranks; be careful watching unsolved murder documentaries around him, he will not hesitate to take a mental note of the killer’s tactics in his head (i.e knocking on bedroom windows) and use them against you. he scares the fuck out of you every time but you love him anyway.
— matsuno chifuyu
his pranks are more lighthearted, especially for the month of october. chifuyu has been known to have a box of halloween masks hidden in his room that he uses to scare you. one time you were watching “halloween” with all the lights off, and chifuyu appeared in the window with a michael myers mask, just staring at you. it took you a bit of time to notice, but when you did you damn near shit yourself. he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever, until you did it back to him. then it wasn’t so funny anymore.
— hanma shuji
this fucker does it while watching horror movies with you. you’ll have a bowl of popcorn sitting in your lap, snuggled into his chest, and he’ll wrap an arm around your shoulder as if he’ll protect you from the movie. but then, when there’s a tension building scene, he screams in your ear, causing you to toss popcorn all over the both of you. you smack his chest as he sits there howling, absolutely over the moon that he can do this for the entire month of october.
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taglist: @bakugosfieryasshole @sonder-paradise @aruhappy
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pingutats · 3 years
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at last!
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it’s the morning after harry proposed, and here you are, in heaven.
warnings: some sexual content, not very graphic.
word count: 2k
.                               .                           .                               .                           .
As soon as you start to drift awake, you feel this overwhelming sense of bliss. Like everything is right in the world, properly aligned and in harmony. Your heart feels full, warm like the way a lover would cradle their hands around yours on a chilly winter night. 
The thing that pulls you completely from the gentle embrace of sleep into the morning is someone actually grabbing your left hand. Not just someone, but Harry. And, you remember suddenly like a crack of lightning bursting through your sleep-weary skull, he isn’t just Harry, he’s —
“Morning, love,” he murmurs, his voice croaky and slightly slurred from sleep still, as he pulls your hand over to him and slips the ring back onto your fourth finger. “Y’always look so pretty in the morning. ‘Specially today.”
“H,” you whisper back, barely able to form a coherent thought. He’s your fiancé. You blink your eyes open, rubbing at them as you adjust to the weak light streaming through a window. “Oh my god, Harry.”
He’s grinning at you, eyes still half-closed. He brings your hand to his mouth and kisses the ring. “Oh my god, Y/N,” he repeats back, and you giggle.
You hold your hand up to the light, twisting your wrist so the small, classic diamond sparkles.  You’ve seen it before, of course. You’ve known what it looks like for ages. The two of you picked it out together in a store a couple months ago. You’ve spoken about this moment, over and over — sometimes in practical terms to try and plan for your future, sometimes whimsically as you spelled out your wildest dreams to each other — but now it’s here. It’s real.
He was insistent on being the one to propose. You could pick the ring, the wedding venue, write the guest list and choose his outfit and even curate the reception playlist, he offered— as long as he got to propose. You accepted, of course, without the bargaining. You wanted him to do it anyway.
Harry isn’t one for grand gestures. When you first met him, only knowing him as the glamorous rockstar that he performs as when he’s on stage, you had assumed he would be into the massive displays of affection, the lavish gifts and the kind of relationship that no one can tear their eyes away from. But he isn’t really like that.
Harry is a cup of tea set out for you in the morning before you even ask for one. The last segment of the mandarin he was eating, held out for you to take. A hundred kisses to your cheek over the course of a night out, for no particular reason except that he’s tipsy and he loves you. A playlist that he texts to you with a sweet note in the description. Making the bed by himself before you’re done brushing your teeth. Carrying you from the car to the door at three in the morning because your heels are killing you and he’d rather roll around naked on broken glass than see you in any amount of pain at all.
That’s what Harry is. So it made sense that, rather than flying you out to Paris and organising a string quartet to play in the background while he got down on one knee under the Eiffel Tower at night (something you had joked about often), he did it in his own little unassuming way. 
You wanted a surprise. That was all you asked. If he was going to ask, he better make it good.
It wasn’t big. It wasn’t grand or especially beautiful. You had been baking together all afternoon: flour all over the place, a small pile of chocolate chips that you’d “accidentally dropped” on the counter and were snacking on, cookies in the oven making the kitchen smell all warm and cosy. The echoes of your laughs and playful banter still lingered in the room. An Etta James album was playing in the background — Harry’s choice, of course. You were bending in front of the oven to check on the cookies. 
“They’re looking good, H,” you said, gazing at them.
“Y/N,” he said from behind you.
“I think we’ve got a perfect batch on our hands.” You straightened up, reaching over to swipe a couple more chocolate chips from the shrinking pile. “Better than last time, those were all hard and —”
“Darling,” he said, a bit more firmly.
“Yeah?” You turned around, sucking on the chocolate, and froze.
There was Harry, on one knee on the kitchen floor, holding a little box and smiling gently up at you.
“Hi,” was all you managed to breathe out, once you regained the ability to move.
“Hello,” he said, smile growing. He cleared his throat. “I love you so much, you know?”
“Harry, you’ve got flour on your nose.”
“Do I?” He was grinning widely now, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he tried not to laugh. “I’ll fix that later, love, got something more important to do right now.”
“Okay.” Your voice was shaking slightly.
He chuckled, and then took a deep breath to steady himself. “Y/N. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You make my days better, every day. Most gorgeous, funniest, kindest, sweetest girl I ever met. You’re so fucking amazing — sorry, I shouldn’t swear. Probably ruins the moment.”
“It doesn’t,” you said quickly. You could feel tears threatening to prickle at your eyes. “Keep going.”
“Nothing’s going to stop me, angel,” he promised. He set his face, playing at being very somber. “I really need to ask you something.”
You bit your lip through a smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. ‘Cause every day I wake up and hug you and I think to myself that I never want to let go of you. Ever.” 
You nodded, unable to speak for fear that you would just collapse from how unbelievably sweet he is.
“Y/N,” he said, finally. He took a deep breath and pulled open the lid of the little box, and there was your ring. His smile returned to his face again, bright and dimpled and so Harry you nearly starting sobbing right there. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes.” You were saying it before he even finished his sentence. “Yes, yes, yes, yes—” and you kept saying it until he was back on his feet and had swept you up in the tightest hug, pulling you into his chest and spinning both of you around. 
You clutched at the front of his fuzzy sweater and pulled him into a kiss that made the world feel like it was shifting. Because it had. Everything had changed now. It felt like the two of you had taken the world and cracked it open like a walnut, finding a completely new kind of life inside. A kind of life where you both completely, irrevocably, belonged to each other.
When he pulled back from the kiss, he rubbed his flour-covered nose over yours, then pecked another kiss on your cheek. “Got flour all over you, love.”
“Best go take a shower, then,” you said to him, grinning.
He raised his eyebrows, that mischievous glint in his eye that you so adored appearing. “Yeah? Okay, whatever my beautiful fiancee wants.” He let you take his hand and start to pull him toward the bathroom, before he suddenly jerked you back, making you stumble into his chest. “Shit,” he murmured. “Give me your hand, darling.”
“Oh.” You held out your left hand, and gently he slid the ring onto your finger.
He looked up at you, eyes shining. “Can’t believe I nearly forgot the most important part.”
“Me too. Silly goose.” 
He snorted, and you leaned forward to kiss him again. He held his hands to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him. He was warm, his embrace firm, his mouth gentle. Tasting him, the sweetness of the cookie dough he had been stealing out of the bowl, the vanilla of the lip balm he used — you could have lived in that kiss forever. Any kiss, really. You weren’t picky when it came to Harry. But he pulled back, and ran his hands down to the back of your thighs.
“Jump, darling,” he whispered, and he pulled you up to wrap your legs around his waist, your arms looped behind his neck. He pressed his lips to yours again, then carried you to the bathroom, your giggles echoing through the house.
He got on his knees for you again in the shower — “Wanna treat my fiancee like a proper gentleman” —  with your leg thrown over his shoulder, your hand with the ring in his hair, your head thrown back against the tiled wall. He was always good (outstanding in the field, you would joke) but somehow today he was better. Like he was trying to tell you something just by the way he licked up your folds and sucked on your sensitive little bud until you were shaking and your hand tightened in his hair in a way that was surely painful. Like he was trying to show you just how much he loved you, as if everything else wasn’t already enough.
Later, you opened up the expensive bottle of champagne you’d been saving and split it over the takeout he had ordered over the phone in a rush while your hands were slowly creeping down his bare chest and playing with the waistband of the sweatpants he had thrown on after the shower. You ate outside. It was a pleasant night and as stars started to dust over the sky, you were sure they were shining just a little bit brighter.
And when you finally made it into bed, he was immediately over you, his arms snaking underneath you and hugging you to his chest while he thrust into you, deep and passionate. He had his head buried in your neck, his moans vibrating into your skin and you knew he was feeling more than just the physical. It was beyond that for both of you. Treasure this moment, you kept thinking. Keep this day safe forever.
You came together. As he got close, his steady rhythm starting to falter, he grabbed your left hand and pushed it down into the mattress, so you could feel the ring pressing into your skin. That was what sent the both of you over the edge.
Sleep came easily, your limbs still tangled together, your ring lying on the bedside table because you were scared to sleep with it. Harry must have fallen asleep after you — as you dozed off, you could hear the rustling of his pillow as he kept turning his head to look at the ring glinting in the full moon’s light coming through the window. His strong arm wrapped around you, holding you close, letting the rhythm of his heartbeat lull you to sleep.
“I’m so fucking happy,” he says now, in the morning, quietly, breaking the silence that had descended over you. He says it like it could be the last sentence he ever speaks. A neat epilogue.
You look at him, your arm still raised in the air between you. His eyes are trained on the diamond, and you could swear his eyes are sparkling just as much as the jewel is. He blinks, and glances back to you. “So, so fucking happy.”
“Me too,” you tell him. You let your hand drop, finding his and intertwining your fingers. “Love being engaged.” The word rolls off your tongue easily, and that was thrilling. You’re engaged. “’S better than I imagined. Better than anything else, ever.”
“Mm,” he hums, running his thumb over the ring, and then along the empty space of your finger just below it. “I think it just keeps getting better from here, love.”
.                               .                           .                               .                           .
hope you enjoyed!! i wrote this in barely two hours around midnight (obviously with at last by etta james playing in the background) because i just had to get this concept onto a page. it’s only been very lightly edited so if there were mistakes or it was structured messily ........ sorry. but i am just so in love with these very domestic, un-grandiose proposals because the important thing is the love between the two rather than the big displays... yeah. anyway hope you liked and if you want to send me a request or just chat, my askbox is very much open!!!
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bimsha · 3 years
Text
How They Propose You
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Sano Manjiro /Mikey:
When Mikey took you to a grand restaurant instead of your usual street filled with street food, you were suspicious. You knew something must be up, but with Mikey, you never realized until it was the last minute. But the whole thing was fancy for both of you. Your eyes kept darting around all the beautifully dressed customers and the elegant waiters taking orders and rushing around. When the dessert came, you had let go of all your initial suspicions. The dessert was so good that you cleared the plate in mere seconds ignoring the very existence of your boyfriend. You looked up at him to compliment him for the grand dinner when you noticed the horrified expression of the blonde.
“Y/n, you ate the whole thing?”
“Yeah?” You answered, frowning. What’s the big deal?
“Oh my god” He said, now looking petrified for some reason. That expression was a first. He got up from his seat and rounded the table to get a clear look at your plate. At this point, you were being embarrassed. He crouched next to you, looking worried. “Do you feel weird or sick? Do you want to throw up? Should we go to a hospital?”
You sighed, "Mikey." You leaned closer to his ear so that the high class people wouldn't hear your beautiful language. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Y/n” He whispered back, “There was a ring in the dessert. I asked the waiter to put it in there.”
Your eyes widened in horror. “What?” You blurted out. You could care less about manners now. “You fed me a ring? Wait, I didn’t even know? I didn’t feel any different?”
“I was trying to propose!” Mikey countered, looking awfully sad. “I didn’t know you’d eat the ring too”
They had drawn a lot of attention. “Well, if there was a ring I should’ve felt it. I didn’t. Maybe it wasn’t there?” After a beat of silence you added, “Right?” But a corner of your mind was telling you there's actually a chance. You were a sucker for all those chocolate desserts. But a ring? No way… right?
Now you both were looking at each other with hopeless expressions thinking maybe Mikey would’ve killed you in the process of propsing and the murmurs were growing loud around you when a waiter walked in. They stopped right by their table, “Sir, I’m here to apologize. Our chef has mistakenly and forgot to put the ring on your dessert” He handed a surprised Mikey the ring, bowing deeply.
“Oh my god” Mikey sighed in relief, “I didn’t kill my girlfriend trying to propose her”
You sighed in relief, “I didn’t eat that thing. Thank god” When you started laughing, finding the whole thing funny, Mikey actually knelt on one knee. The whole restaurant was silent as he asked,
“Y/n, the love of my life, do you want to marry me?”
“Say yes” One of the guys screamed, “He didn’t feed you the ring. That man is worth it”
You flushed but offered your hand with a matching smile, “This is the best proposal ever”
Mikey rolled his eyes. “There goes my romantic dinner and proposal. But A for trying.”
You couldn’t tell anything otherwise else, because he deserved an A for trying.
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Kazutora Hanemiya:
It was a cold winter morning and your boyfriend Kazu asked you to come to the park for an emergency. And there you were, rubbing your hands together trying to get rid of the coldness while waiting for your boyfriend to give him a good ass kicking for leaving you in the snow. You waited for a while, and instead of Kazutora, a little boy around seven appeared from the entrance and ran straight towards you. Something glistened in his hands. Then, he frowned, looking at you from head to toe. That’s when you realize he was actually holding onto a ring. Where did he get that? “Miss, would you like to marry me?” The youngster asked with so much determination that you almost laughed.
You were about to answer, when a familiar figure ran up to them. Kazutora didn’t pay any attention that you were there. He launched at the boy, trying to get the ring in his hand. “You little prick, I told you not to touch that! And she’s my girlfriend, back off”
You stared at them as they wrestled in the snow. Kazutora caught the little guy in a headlock and fished the ring out of his hands. “Got it!” He cheered.
“Uh Kazu? What’s going on here?”
He looked at you with an exasperated sigh. “This brat ruined everything. I had something to ask you.” He looked flustered, “But he stole-” He groaned, “Go back home.” He said to the boy. “I swear I’m going to buy you that whatever the shit you like”
The boy looked uncertain for a moment. He reached out his pinky, “Promise?”
Kazutora sighed, and sent the boy off. He stood up and dusted off the snow from his pants. You waited patiently when he went, “That’s my little cousin. He thought it would be funny to propose you.”
You laughed, “And why is that?”
Kazutora shrugged, fidgeting with the ring and looking at you. “Because I may or may not have been staring at your photo and practicing everything” He averted his gaze, abashed. “I had this all planned out. I’m going to ruin that brat!”
You shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m still here”
He looked at you earnestly and took a step close. “We’ve been through a lot together. I may not have been the best boyfriend to you but I really love you Y/N. I can’t imagine a life without you. Want to share your life with me for the rest of our lives?”
You offered your hand as a tear slipped down your cheek. “Of course” He slipped the ring to your finger with his own eyes sparkling with tears. You scowled.
“You’re not the one who’s supposed to cry!”
He grinned, leaning in and pecking your lips. “I’m just so happy you said yes” He said, picking you up and twirling you around. Both of you fell back to the snow, thinking about a lifetime of memories together.
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Mitsuya Takashi:
You were casually sitting inside his work place, watching him designing another costume. Other times, you asked questions, but this time, you remained silent watching him work. There was a way Mitsuya worked when he was in here. He was graceful and confident. It was a sight to see. “Y/n” He called, taking your attention. “Can you come here for a sec?”
You frowned, but did as you were asked. When you reached him, he immediately started taking your measures, jotting down each. It was normal for him to make clothes for you but this was the first time he was doing it without asking about the design or showing you a picture. “What’s it?”
Mitsuya gestures at the mess of white cloth beside him. “An order came asking me to make a wedding dress, I took the measures for future use” He grinned, pulling out something from his pocket. You stared at the velvet box as he opened it. A ring glistening inside. “Y/n” His voice was smooth. He took a step closer.
You just watched him, surprised as he knelt on one knee. “I’ve always wanted a life with you. I’ve dreamed about it many times. Would you let my dreams come true and be my soulmate for the rest of my life?”
You said yes and watched as he slipped the gold band to your finger. “You literally took the measurement to my future wedding dress before asking? I’m gonna remember that Takashi?”
He stood up and pressed a kiss on your forehead. “Just had to set up the vibe.” He said, looking at the white cloth draped along the counter. “You’re going to look beautiful in a wedding dress. I should start working on it”
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Baji Keisuke:
One thing you liked about Baji was that he said the weirdest shit sometimes. Like right now. Both of you had your own respected soda cans in your hands while he suddenly uttered, “You know, marrying is weird”
You huffed, “And that is because?”
“Like listen. Two people are like, okay we love each other. Let’s get the whole government involved and make it official so we can actually make babies and spend time together.” He scowled, taking a sip. “That’s just fucked up”
You hummed thoughtfully, “Now that you’ve said it, it does sound fucked up”
He put the soda can away and pulled out a silver band, looking at him with his serious look. “Should we get the government involved too?”
You looked at the ring, back at his face but decided to play along. “We should totally get the government involved in all our shit” When you offered your hand, he easily slipped the ring in. He reached down and kissed it, looking at you adoringly. “That was the most funniest, and the ridiculous proposal I have ever heard.”
Baji shrugged, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulder. “That was the best proposal, I know you think so too”
“Ridiculous doesn’t mean I don’t like it. You’re right, that’s the best proposal”
Bonus:
The two of you decided to announce your engagement to the rest of the gang. Baji confidently stood in front of them, your hand in his, holding onto tightly when he announced. “We’re going to get the government involved”
You cracked up, looking at the other’s expressions, they had no clue what was going on. Chifuyu actually looked like he understood. “Congratulations!” The younger said, beaming. "When is the wedding?”
The realization dawned upon them and soon they were all gasping for their breaths, calling out for water and literally dying on the floor.
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Chifuyu Matsuno:
When Chifuyu asked whether you wanted to hang out at his place, it didn’t strike you as anything odd. You two often hung out at each other’s places when your parents were away. He usually kept the door unlocked and you walked in. It was the same that Sunday morning but after you walked in you realized that actually it was pretty weird. Your boyfriend was there, kneeling in front of his refrigerator. Hold up, was that a ring? Is he proposing the fridge? He looked really serious as he took a long breath, opening the box as if he was in a movie. You watched quietly, the moment was too golden to interrupt. He picked the gold band carefully out of the box and held it in front of the fridge. “Y/n, you’re amazing. You’re the best person I have ever met in my life” He was saying to the fridge, “It’s a miracle I found you. Do you want to be mine? Marry me, please?”
The fridge didn’t answer. OF COURSE. The problem would be if it actually answered. He looked satisfied with the practice. That’s when you decided to break it to him and actually clear your throat. The poor guy jumped out of his skin and stared at you horrified. His gaze shifting between the fridge and you. “Are you cheating on me? With that thing?”
He flushed, his ears going pink. “Y/n! Did you- I mean when did-” He groaned, flopping to the floor like a kicked puppy. “Everything’s ruined”
“I’m sorry” You tried, trying to suppress your laughter. “Let’s try again. We go back in time.”
He looked at you to see whether you’re joking and solemnly nodded. “You should be in the character”
You nodded, and closed the door. And this time, you knocked on the door. Your heart was pumping with excitement. Despite the fact you were supposed to act like you don’t know what's going to happen, you were thrilled. Chifuyu opened the door. Despite his defeated look earlier, he seemed to have gained back some of his courage. He didn’t wait until he let you in. He just knelt right there, holding up the ring. He looked a little bit too excited to get the whole speech out as he just blurted, “Please marry me?”
You laughed, “Of course!” He slipped the ring into your finger and stood. Before you could comment, he connected your lips, kissing you right there, with your hands stopped in mid air in surprise. He pulled back with a cocky grin.
“I added an extra surprise element”
You scoffed, “Never going to get over the fact your proposal speech to the fridge was better”
“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
You grinned, “Never! I’m going to tell our grandchildren that his grandfather proposed to a fridge. The story must go on!”
He groaned, “You’re just mean” He pulled you in, closing the door behind you. “But I love you.”
You hummed with a smile, “I love you too, you big dork”
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I don't know why I did this but I did this so get it. I might do some more later. This is fun (":
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