#it speaks to how the genre still struggles with being a genre w the 'for [white] women by [white] women' ideology

[mermaidsirennikita]

what your thoughts on title cole's hades hangman series?

My immediate thoughts are that Tillie Cole is a racist who should be actually cancelled (not the weak shit we call cancellation), as in any possible publishing career, indie or otherwise, done. Nothing. I'm honestly worried about the pen name shit I imagine she'll pull or has pulled, because I dread people buying books by her without realizing it's her after all this.

But uh.... yeah. I have zero tolerance for Nazi romances, KKK romances, any romances featuring a racist, genocidal protagonist or protagonists. And I do want to be clear--genocide is what the KKK wants in the end. As is the case for most hate groups. They may say they want people "in their proper place" or "over there instead of here" (displacement being a part of genocide) which is all heinous and unacceptable. However, the reality of the nitty gritty is that they want them eradicated, or at least eradicated from the part of the earth the genocide mongerer feels entitled to, which is most of it. The only alternative, if you could call it that, being that the racist wants the "inferior" race enslaved or subjugated for their own gain (the implicit word usually being "again"). And I think that even the "smallest" breadcrumb of racism can easily tip into these mindsets with some degree of radicalization. So yes, zero tolerance.

I often have seen the "devil's advocate" arguments from "liberals" (white feminists who want to read these books) being "but how is this any worse than books where the heroine falls for her rapist".

And here's the thing--there are a couple books I've read wherein the heroine does fall for her rapist, and I like them still. I'll be clear--these are historical old schools (as in, the 80s) which I don't think came from the perspective of say, a contemporary Sam Mariano book. (I haven't read her books, but I know they can contain this content). I have yet to read a recently published contemporary wherein the heroine falls for her rapist that works for me. I have spoken to people for whom certain books have worked, including a couple survivors.

What I think sets these books apart is that a heroine in a dark romance falling for her rapist, however fucked up and unrealistic, is based on a personal relationship between two people. It isn't about anyone the reader represents, and I don't even really think it's often about gender (though it can be, which I think is probably a line--if a hero is a serial rapist because he hates women, I don't think the reception would be the same). And let's be real here--most of the time, this does reflect real life. The vast majority of sexual assaults are the result of intimate partner violence. It is something between two people, and while I would personally never suggest anyone forgive their rapist and reconcile with them, or frankly forgive them in general... That is something where it is about the one individual and her perspective, and in a romance it follows the same mentality. I may not LIKE that book, but I do see that as a book about harm to a PERSON and within a RELATIONSHIP, which is more individualized.

A KKK hero or a Nazi hero or what have you is often paired with a woman who represents a group he hates (though in Tillie's case, the heroine is a white-passing Latina, a "cartel princess", which lol, ALSO RACIST, but I suppose her complexion is meant to create ambiguity). If he isn't, she's the white woman he is allowed to be with anyway. Either way, he hates a collective. He is enacting violence, physical or otherwise, against a collective. Even if the heroine is of the group he hates, SHE cannot validate his redemption arc~ or "forgive" him. However unrealistic the forgiveness or validation of redemption a rapist "hero" may be, that is a situation where I can say "fucked up, but her choice". This is very literally not something a single heroine can give, and even if the author came from the same marginalized group as the heroine in a genocidal hero book... that author can't speak for the collective either. (I say this because I have heard of authors writing about sexual assault and reconciliation in books state that they're survivors, and I really can't speak on how they work through that on an individual level, but I do think it's important to again note the individual.)

While sexual violence is absolutely a worldwide epidemic, it is NOT the same thing as genocide. Doesn't mean it's better or worse... Though I will say, I think the fact that sexual violence is used as a tool by genocide mongerers does speak to the fact that genocide is obviously a more existential threat, here. And I don't really care for the comparisons I've seen made between the two in discussions of this book and its place in dark romance--because they often seem to be coming from my fellow white women, and I feel there is often a "we're all women, we're in this together" mindset. When the reality is... no. First off, women aren't the only targets of sexual violence, and men are not the only people who perpetuate it. Second of all, not all women experience rape culture in the same way. Cishet white women live under the threat of rape culture, absolutely. But white women don't experience racialized predation. Nobody is trying to "convert" cishet (or simply cis) women through sexual violence. Nobody is killing cis women because they feel "tricked" by us. And for that matter, white women, especially cishet white women, can be the oppressors of women of color, queer women, trans women, and so on. They can encourage sexual violence against women with a single vote--and have. How many white women voted for Mr. "Grab 'Em By the Pussy", again?

So yeah, I don't really like the whole "well this is fine for me to read because y'all read your rape books" discussion of these books when we get into discussion, because these just are very different topics. And I don't like conflating them to either EXCUSE the violence of these books, or once again devolve into a "dark romance readers are universally dirty little perverts". Because--while there are ABSOLUTELY dark romance books that go way too far, which I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole... I think there's a point where a book isn't even dark romance, it's just using that as a mask to perpetuate a form of like... artistic violence against an entire group of people.

Because these genocidal hero books are about violence against the collective marginalized group being dismissed, "redeemed" or "forgiven", there's this inherent dismissal of what has happened to potential readers of these books, and I see that as a kind of casual violence. That dismissal happens every day, and it is ESPECIALLY happening right now, when so many western nations (and I'm not denying it's happening elsewhere, I'm just much more aware of the USA, Canada, and Europe) are in the midst of nationalistic far right swings. And hell, let's be real, most people of color are not reading Tillie's books on purpose, I imagine--but frankly, that doesn't matter. Tillie has, I suppose, a legal right to write these books. But I don't view them as any different from the vitriol spewed from a Westboro Baptist Church representative, or the people calling BLM protestors looters.

You just can't slide this shit into a "dark romance is gonna dark" slot, or "why do dark romance readers keep bringing this to us" whine rant. I will bet you anything that a lot of the readers who read this book and rated it a 4 or 5 on GR haven't read a single other dark romance novel in their fucking lives. They enjoyed it because they want to romanticize a guy in the KKK and act like he can be redeemed, because their sick little fantasies about their white prince proud boys are what they're looking for here. This isn't about tiptoeing to the ver edge of dark romance, this is about wanting to bathe in a racist fantasy. It's their Birth of a Nation moment, but with porn.

I mean, what has been really frustrating to me... because obviously outright racists will shamelessly defend Tillie, outright... is just this idea that this somehow has come back to a discussion of dark romance, when really, it should be a discussion of RACIST ROMANCE NOVELS. Which is something that extends faaaaaar beyond dark romance, or any subgenre. I've read a fuckton of racist contemporary romances. Obviously historicals have quite a long journey with racism in books. I've read racism in paranormals, for fuck's sake. I believe one of the big Nazi romances was an inspirational romance. To me, there's just been this dancing around admitting that this is a romance-wide issue, because people want to go "well, it's only an issue with dark romance, MYYYYY favorite romances would never" and it's like. I don't know, girl. People of color are widely underrepresented in the genre (as are queer people and trans people) so maaaaybe just maaaaybe romance isn't your perfect haven where all we need to confront is men being misogynistic. Maybe, just maaaaybe, there are other issues going on here.

#romance novel blogging #anyway i have a lot of thoughts but idk #i just have really felt especially grossed out by how white romance readers (and i am one!) #seem to suggest that like... the racism in the genre is JUST LIKE misogyny in the genre #which does imo link to the fact that most romance readers are white women #and it suggests a centering of the critiques of white women #we'll go all in on our concerns but go silent when people of color critique racism in popular books #and tbh critiques of homophobia and transphobia also get a similar reaction but go off #it speaks to how the genre still struggles with being a genre w the 'for [white] women by [white] women' ideology #i also just struggle with equating rape culture to genocide...

[beenbaanbuun]

wearing his hoodie w/jongho

words - an amount

genre - smut…

warnings - fingering, degradation (slut), nicknames (baby, honey, good girl), manhandling because of course, cutie patootie jongho, dom!jongho

jongho likes to pretend he doesn’t like it when you wear his clothes

like, you’ll be walking around in one of his hoodies and he’ll just sit and watch you with a disinterested look

or what he assumes is a disinterested look, anyway

everyone bar him can see the cute little smirk that he’s trying so desperately, and yet failing so miserably, to hide

sometimes you’ll ask him what’s wrong and he’ll just respond with ‘that’s my hoodie’ as if trying to insinuate that you shouldn’t be wearing it

but when you suggest (threaten) that you take it off, he just insists that you keep it on

“you’re already wearing it now, baby,” he tries to keep his voice level, but you can hear the panic behind it, “may as well just keep it on, right?”

sometimes you leave it on, but sometimes you don’t

you just like to see the disappointed pout he wears once he realises you’re not wearing it anymore

but if he struggles to hide his true feelings when you’re fully dressed, imagine wearing his hoodie with nothing but a pair of panties

this man will not be able to take his eyes off of you

there’s a cushion that has taken permanent residence over his crotch and when you ask about it he just says he wants to hold something

“well, why don’t you hold onto me instead?” you tease, keeping an innocent lilt to your voice, “i’m sure i’m nicer to squeeze than a measly bit of fabric.”

his already glazed over eyes go wide and he shakes his head

“no! i’m, uh… mad at you,” he stutters out

you take a few steps closer

“mad at me?” you grab the bottom of the hoodie and begin to play with the fabric, completely ‘innocently’

it’s your your fault if the material lifts up a few times to reveal the purple lace

it’s also not your fault that it’s jongho’s favourite pair you’re wearing - the one that matches his mic

jongho does a few slow blinks as he tries to keep his gaze on your face and not on your soft thighs that you keep exposing more of every time your hands pull as the hem

“you’re wearing my hoodie again,” his voice is suddenly more breathy than it was moments before

you can’t help but wonder how close he is to snapping and ripping the hoodie off you himself

not because he doesn’t like when you wear it - you both know it’s a lie when he says that - but because he’s desperate to get to what’s underneath

“it’s comfy,” you shrug, “and i didn’t want to wear trousers.”

his eyes trail down your body at the mention of your bare legs and they finally settle on what he’d been trying to hard to avoid

“i can see that, baby,” he grunts, rubbing over his face with his hands, “any reason?”

you shrug, trying to think of an excuse

it only takes seconds for you to realise that the truth would be better

“you were too focussed on work,” you get even closer as you speak, until finally you’re stood in between his open thighs, “i thought if i misbehaved you’d pay attention to me.”

he groans, tipping his head back as his final piece of resolve floats away

“what, so you thought if you come down here, half fucking naked with nothing on but my hoodie and your panties, i’d fuck you?”

well, yes… of course you did

still, you didn’t dignify his obvious question with an answer

“how do you know i have nothing on under here?” you pull at the bottom of the hoodie once more

then suddenly there’s hands on your hips and you don’t have time to think before you’re being pulled onto your boyfriend’s lap

the cushion is gone, now - he must have pushed it away just moments before he grabbed you - and you can feel his hard-on sitting pretty against your clit

if it weren’t for the iron-like grip he still had on your hips, you’d push your luck and grind down on it

“because i can see your fucking nipples, baby,” he grows into your ear, gently nipping on the lobe before pulling away, “poking through my hoodie and teasing me, hm? i bet that was all part of the plan, wasn’t it…”

you wriggle a little in his grasp, wanting to get some friction against your core, but he grips you harder and his fingers dig into your hips

“stop moving,” he glares at you, “i’m not finished talking, and i can’t focus when my little slut is busy rubbing her wet fucking pussy all over my dick.”

by the tone in his voice, you know there’s no room for argument

you sit still for him, trying to ignore the ever-growing ache that sits at the bottom of your stomach

“good girl,” he says, although he doesn’t quite sound like he believes it, “now, you’re going to sit there and take what i fucking give you, hm?”

you nod desperately

he chuckles as he reaches down and slips a finger inside of the soft lace, making you gasp

“but don’t even think about cumming until i say so, sweetheart,” he begins to rub circles against your clit, every stroke growing in speed as he works you towards an orgasm, “baby needs to learn her place, doesn’t she.”

you nod desperately, whimpering away as he works his expert fingers against you

you grow closer by the second as after just a minute or so, you can feel that familiar knot at the bottom of your stomach

you hold your breath, ready to explode and then…

nothing

he pulls his fingers away right at the last second, bringing them up to his mouth to suck the juices off with a smirk

he keeps eye contact with you as his tongue darts out from between his plush lips to lap at his fingers

you whine

“oh hush,” he mumbles in between licks, “you brought this on yourself, honey. now be a good slut and suffer the consequences.”

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez oneshot #ateez fic #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #jongho x reader #jongho oneshot #jongho smut #jongho scenario

[skzfairyyydreamz]

hi!! Ik this isnt very cheerful for ur early request😭 but if u r doing headcannons can i request straykids w an s/o whoes insecure maybe about like acne?? 🫶

Bf!Skz when s/o is insecure about acne❣️

Genre: Fluff, Comfort, Bf!Skz x gn!reader

A/n: Sorry for the wait with this one my love i’ve been a bit busy but i hope you enjoy! Feedback, replies, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! To anyone who may be struggling with acne, skin issues/disorders etc know that your beauty grows from the inside. so don’t ever let something temporary define you. You are so loved. Thank you for being here. Sending big hugs to all who need it right now. 🫂❤️ ~Fae 🧚🏽‍♀️ (M.Lists)

(dm’s requests and taglist are open!!)

© Skzfairyyydreamz - Plagiarism is a crime. Do not repost, alter, translate or copy without my consent.

Chan

Channie is Definitely the “i know you better than you know yourself” kind of Bf so he notices everything about you. Especially when you aren’t happy with yourself.

Physically not being able to sit back and watch you look at yourself in the mirror with disgust; he walks over to you and pulls you away from the mirror.

“Stop that” “stop what?” you immediately respond trying to walk past him avoiding eye contact as if your mind wasn’t racing a mile a minute with negative thoughts about yourself.

quickly pulling you into a tight embrace “C’mere you know you can’t hide from me my love” he says in a soft whisper as he began pressing kisses to your head and the side of your face. You then realize there was no escaping this conversation.

“You are so, SO beautiful and you literally have no idea.” You hug him back burying your face into his chest as your eyes start to water still refusing to look him in the eyes. “but i don’t feel beautiful channie… my skin looks so nasty right now” “it doesn’t matter honey, it’s temporary. Acne comes and goes, its natural bc you’re a human. You’re MY human and a little breakout isn’t going to change the way that i love you or the amazing person that you are. so don’t let it change the way you feel about yourself.”

After a few moments of silence Finally lifting your head up to look at him properly for the first time that morning, you see a smirking chan as he takes his thumb wiping away your tears “oh if only you could see yourself through my eyes darling… ”

Lee Know

is also SUPER quick to notice when you’re judging yourself.

i definitely see Lee know being an aggressive lover so off the rip he is not having it if his s/o is feeling ugly and unhappy with themselves.

Will definitely force you to do self love affirmations.

Standing in the mirror together as he hugs you from behind “Chin up .. now repeat after me…”

on the days you really struggle he is patient but very firm with you bc he is such a loverboy and will NOT accept ANYONE speaking down on the love of his life , not even yourself.

“Go on jagi … say it. We’re not moving until you love yourself!”

Changbin

Soft binnie ofc is very understanding and will also reassure you.

will let you rant and complain about how you feel listening carefully without interrupting.

Will definitely kiss all your breakouts and blemishes.

“Dont worry baby give it 2 weeks tops you wont even remember it was here.”

constantly reminds you how beautiful you look at random times during the day.

“Acne is temporary but my love is forever” he aggressively covers your face in kisses as you fall into a fit of giggles.

Yes .. very cheesy in his true cute binnie fashion lols

Hyunjin

will spoil you ROTTEN to the core.

the very second you complain about the smallest breakout he’s already on the phone booking you facials and skin treatments at a luxury spa.

You come home from work to see a huge gift basket on the kitchen counter overflowing with expensive skincare products. Facial cleansers, serums, toners, oils, spf’s, moisturizers, you name it, its in there.

“Jinnie .. baby what is all this??” “if my honey wants clear skin, then thats what you’ll get” “i swear i don’t deserve you” you say with teary eyes

“wait wait dont cry yet i have something else for you” “HUH??” in confusion and disbelief you watch hyunjin run off and return with a canvas. He turns it around and its a painting of you with the most beautiful flowers blooming from your face in the exact same spots you began to breakout a few days prior.

Han

Another aggressive lover.

you start pouting to him about your skin and it somehow turns into a mini lecture.

“Jagi your acne is flaring up again bc you’ve been too stressed out. how may times do i have to ask you to leave that fuck ass job and just let me take care of you!? “But ji-” “And you stress eating all this junk food isn’t helping either!”

he’s definitely holding you accountable for eating cleaner and making sure you drink enough water throughout the day

And if you fail to do so he is definitely on your ass about it! 😂

Felix

Lix is very comforting when you come to him in actual tears the day before a red carpet fashion event you two were attending together. “lix i cant go like this, look at my fucking face??” “Hun it’s really not as bad as you think, i promise.” “it is lix! i dont know how to cover this up” you began to cry again “would you feel better if i called Maya to come give you a professional full glam for tomorrow?” he reassures you hugging you tight and rubbing your back while already reaching for his phone to text his makeup artist.

But he also disciplines you about talking bad about yourself.

He has this rule where you can only make one negative comment about yourself a day. And every time you break that rule he throws one of your beloved pocket mirrors away (you had a LOT and he knew that)

“ Ew why do i-” “ EH?!? what was that!?” he glared at you with a raised eyebrow. “Gimmie me!” “But lix wait- we’re in public i need to know how my skin looks!” “idc hand it over.. you look beautiful and since you cant be nice to yourself now you’ll just have to take my word for it.” he cut you off with his hand out.

accepting your defeat you sigh loudly closing the compact mirror putting it in his hand and pouting as he got up with a smirk walking away to throw your 5th mirror this week in the trash

Seungmin

much like seungmin you are very strong and independent, you keep your “burdens” to yourself trying not to complain too much or trouble anyone with your issues. Especially if you are insecure about them.

but minnie knows when you’re struggling.

he knows you get a bit agitated when you dont feel your best and thats when you begin to distance yourself a bit more.

His love language being acts of service he would do small things for like make you natural homemade remedies like his mom used to do for him anytime your skin would flare up real bad.

after getting out of the shower still pouty from a long grumpy day, “here” he hands you a spray bottle. “ What’s this min? ”

“Aloe vera face mask” he says simply giving you a kiss on the forehead and walking away not wanting to make you feel bad for bringing up something he knows you’re insecure about.

i.n

whenever you’re breaking out jeongin does everything he possibly can to keep his lover happy.

he will definitely help you create a WHOLE NEW skincare routine.

he’s working overtime researching different products and the ingredients that would work best with your skin type.

even tho you are not happy about your acne he thoroughly enjoys your new way of spending quality time together.

“you know you don’t have to make this an US thing, right? Your skin already looks great” “how about you mind your little business and pass me the toner” you try to hold back a laugh as your sassy boyfriend stared you down through the mirror of your shared bathroom.

buying and trying a ton of new skincare products together.

rating which ones you liked best and which ones didn’t work at all for you.

he will even book you an appointment to see a dermatologist if you need to and ofc he’s gonna be going with you!

Taglist: @hanniemylovelyquokka @milknhoneyracha @tinyelfperson @jiisungllvr @turtledove824 @laylasbunbunny

#skzfairyyydreamz #skzfairyyy #skz #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #skz headcanons #stray kids headcanons #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #skz comfort #stray kids comfort #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz fic #stray kids fic #kpop fic #skz reactions #stray kids reactions #skz requests #stray kids requests #skz channie #skz lee know #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #skz han #stray kids felix #stray kids seungmin #stray kids i.n #felix fluff #chan fluff

[ruewrote]

𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑛 𝑟𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔.

PAIRING: jj maybank x fem!reader WARNINGS: ... GENRE: angst, fluff SONG INSPIRATION: almost by hozier WORD COUNT: 937 NOTE: its four in the morning so if there's any grammar mistakes bro idec anymore, anyways love you guys

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the five of you were out on john b's porch passing a blunt around, you were talking absolute utter bullshit about everything and anything, well that soon stopped when you caught a certain look that was shared between john and kie.

a slight awkward cough left you before you stopped speaking, feeling embarrassed, it didn't help that you were newer to the group and didn't have the same bond they all had together.

so pushing yourself off out of the chair you were currently sitting on, faking a smile asking everyone if they wanted anything to drink as you went to walk into the home, hearing no's from everyone you made your way to the kitchen. not feeling a pair of eyes on you as you did so.

your eyes watered, sniffling trying to gather yourself, lightly shaking your hands to distract yourself from crying, blinking away the tears successfully.

starting to walk back to the front door, swallowing the lump in your throat, pushing the door back open announcing some bad, but believable excuse to them before rushing home.

this is so stupid.

you really shouldn't be so sensitive y/n.

you lay on your back with your eyes closed trying to focus on the soft music playing in the background, but your loud thoughts wouldn't stop eating at you.

well, that of course was until a little tap on your sliding door turned into two taps, this continued to happen. furrowing your brows, looking over to the glass thinking it was just a tree branch.

nope, it was very much little rocks, pushing yourself off of your bed closer to find the cause of the knocking, looking down only to find a cheeky smile on a certain blonde's face looking right back up at you.

"rapunzel, rapunzel let down your hair!" he shouted in a playfully deeper voice, you rolled your eyes before opening it and yelled back.

"you know i have a perfectly good front door, right?" quirking an eyebrow at him and he groaned back at you.

"but this is so much more romantic, no?"

you had to admit that did make you smile, you moved back over to your bed to keep up your 'stoic' act. soon enough a very out-breath jj was leaned against the right side of the railing on your balcony.

"you— ah. that looked a lot— easier from down there." he was now bent over with his hands on his knees quickly regaining his breath as he stood up straight and gave you a look, the sort of look that said i have an idea.

that’s when he started to run for speed towards you, your eyes widened as you realized it was too late to move out of the way when his body collided with yours, ending up with him on top of you, you both groaned as you tried to push him off.

only for him to make his body deadweight against you which made you struggle more, “ugh! get off of me, you’re so heavy.”

“nope i think i’m gonna stay right here, you’re actually super comfy, night night,” he muttered before shutting his eyes, nuzzling his face into your neck. not that you’d mind being in this situation any other time but not now when he’s all sweaty and gross.

you eventually gave up pushing him, accepting your fate underneath him. remembering how super ticklish he is, you wrapped your legs around his waist as your fingers gently dug into his sides making him jolt off of you laughing.

"im sorry-- i-m sorry, ah--." unwrapping your legs, he fell onto the floor, still slightly laughing whilst looking at you, reaching your hand out for him to grab with a smile, "wanna order some pizza?"

that was it for the next so many hours the two of you messed around, having pillow fights waiting for the food to arrive, eating and then you both ended up a tired pile on your bed, jay resting his head on his arms now gazing up at you as you spoke quietly since everyone else in the house had gone to sleep, it was just the two of you awake.

books. you were now rambling about what new book you were reading and the contents in it. telling him your favourite parts so far, barely noticing that you were talking entirely way too much when you stumbled over your words.

not even realizing that you hadn't even been looking at him the whole time, your eyes had been glued to the white of your ceiling whilst using your hands to slightly gesture what you were talking about.

he was awfully quiet beside you, glancing over for you to be met with a soft jj, how his eyes drooped slowly as he blinked, a gentle smile on his lips. he was listening...to you.

you offered an awkward smile before groaning into the palm of your hand and laughing, "i was doing it again wasn't i? should i stop talking?"

"don't, your voice is very soothing."

with that being said you continued what you were saying previously but now faced him, running your fingers through his hair smoothing the pieces that were falling in front of his face.

chuckling when you heard the sound of his light snores, your hand only stopping its movements when you had to lean over to turn off your lamp, snuggling deeper into your covers as you skimmed over his face in the dimly moonlit room as sleep overcame you.

that's when you discovered your new fondness for the blonde pogue.

© ruewrote.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank oneshots #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank fanfics #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks oneshots #outer banks imagines #outer banks fanfics #obx #obx x reader #obx oneshots #obx imagines #obx fanfics #x reader #oneshots #imagines #fanfics #ruewrote

[sailoryooons]

hiiii :3 i’m a VERY silent reader (i’m terrified of my irls finding me on this god forsaken app) but i just love your writings so much so i had to participate in the agust event!!!!

childhood bffs yoongi x reader smut where they’re definitely probably too close, way closer than bffs should be anyways. reader goes to yoongi one night complaining bc no matter what she does, she just can’t cum! good thing yoongi’s actions speak louder than words <3

pls pls pls get totally creative w this, i love ur brain sm and i love seeing what you come up with!!!

❀ Pairing: Yoongi x f. reader

❀ Summary: Yoongi has always been your closest friend, but it’s always been a little closer than everyone else. He takes it one step further, offering to address a silly little problem for you. 

❀ Word Count: 2,320

❀ Genre: Friends to something more, PWP 

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately. 

❀ Warnings: Explicit language, some feelings of insecurity but like barely, talking about orgasm struggles, explicit sexual content including vaginal fingering, nipple stimulation, a hint of choking, a lot of sucking on neck/throat, nipple play, mostly reader getting finger blasted sdfnodsifgj, reader is completely naked and Yoongi is still clothed, mentions of oral (f. receiving), a little bit of cum eating

❀ Published: August 23, 2022

❀ A/N: Okay so this was supposed to be posted way earlier than 10:30 PM EST but I completely forgot I had this sitting and waiting to post (it was a long day) but HERE IT IS!!! I love the idea of Yoongi casually just being like yeah I’ll get you to come or whatever, let’s do it sdfjdfogijdfrgi thank you so much for being a reader and requesting something - silent or talkative reader, I'm just happy you're here and that you enjoy my writing! Thank you for being here.

❀ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

| Masterlist | Ask | Hali’s Happy Agust |

“You what?” You ask Yoongi, breath shaky. “Don’t play around like that, it’s not very funny.”

It’s rare that you can’t tell if Yoongi is making a joke or not. Though his humor is quiet like the night sky outside and soft like the sweater he’s draped in, you know Yoongi. Know him well enough to detect the subtle notes of a joke in his hushed words, know to listen amid the loud voices of your friends for a quiet jest, spoken softly just for you. 

Now, though, you’re a little unsure. 

Everyone has said for years that your friendship with Yoongi is too friendly. You vehemently disagree: affection between friends should be encouraged and treasured. Being able to platonically hold hands, share beds, and offer physical affection isn’t something reserved for lovers. You adamantly believe in this - always have. 

But… it is different with Yoongi. You think about how you always hold Taehyung’s hand, how you let him curl into your side during movies, or how he nests in your bed when he grows too tired for parties. Taehyung is particularly affectionate, but it does feel different.

“Let me make you cum,” Yoongi repeats, as though he’s reflecting on the weather outside. He’s on his knees on the couch next to you, hands resting in his lap. “No one should have to go through their adult life without partners making them cum.”

You roll your eyes. “Plenty of people can’t cum for a number of reasons, Yoongi.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Let me try anyway.”

“Why do you care?”

He tilts his head. “Because you’re you. And I’m good at making people cum. It feels like an obvious answer.”

“We’re best friends.”

“My point exactly. Look, if I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry, I-”

You shake your head and wave him off. “No, I just. Didn’t expect the offer and it made me nervous.”

“Nervous how?”

Letting out a long exhale, you rest your head on the back of the couch and look up at the ceiling. Your warm mug of tea is abandoned and the drama on the TV plays on, silent in the background. You chew the inside of your cheek, wondering how to string your words together. 

With anyone else, you’d feel embarrassed or nervous. With Yoongi, your anxiety is significantly less. Even if you speak the words on your mind, you’re sure it won’t change things. You’ve been through your fair share of oversharing, never shamed, never turned away. 

It’s how you started this conversation about your sex life in the first place.

So you decide to be honest. 

“Nervous like, I’m into it and I want to try it out, but I don’t want it to make our dynamic weird.” 

“It’s not weird for me if it’s not weird for you. I’m sorry I offered so bluntly.” 

Your lips twitch and you reach out, taking his hand in yours. Yoongi has beautiful hands. Long fingers with knobby knuckles, blunt nails and gentle fingertips, calloused palms. You’ve mapped the structure of his palm hundreds of times, know the shapes of the lines on them, and watched a palm reader chart the stars on them. 

Yoongi’s hands are where you’re safest. 

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t violate a boundary.” His mouth is soft when he smiles, his eyes are dark when he watches you. He’s so pretty. A soft thing with round cheeks, kind eyes, and gentle smiles. Quiet. Confident. “You really wanna try?” 

Yoongi’s grin turns feral. “I do.” 

“Alright.”

It starts with him leading you to your room, hand holding yours gently. It starts with a shy smile and hungry eyes, Yoongi watching you as you sit on the edge of your bed, unsure and giving him a questioning gaze. His hands are confident when he makes you move backward, shuffling until you’re in the middle of your bed on your back. 

Yoongi joins you on the bed, kneeling next to you. He watches as he reaches out, brushing his fingertips over your thigh. His touch is featherlight, making you shiver. He doesn’t do anything but this at first, tracing the shape of your clothed hip, up the sides of your rips, under the curve of your breast. 

Your breath catches, fixated on Yoongi as he outlines your curves. His eyes flicker to your face, drinking in your expression when he draws his fingers over the swell of your tits and over your nipple. The stimulation is barely there but it spikes. You inhale sharply and he smirks as he keeps going, brushing over your throat, and under your jaw, feeling your pulse. 

“Pretty,” he murmurs. He takes you by the chin, thumb pulling at your bottom lip. “What do you like?” 

It’s hard to answer. Yoongi’s hand leaves your mouth and trails back down to your neck. He wraps his fingers around your throat but doesn’t squeeze. It’s a barely-there ghost of a grip and he raises his eyebrow. You nod, unable to string together an answer. He squeezes gently before continuing his exploration downward again.

Your tongue is heavy in your mouth. This Yoongi is one you’ve never experienced. He’s quiet as always, but the silence is heavier. Pointed. He bites his bottom lip a little as he passes your stomach and dips between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. 

“Yeah?” he asks when your hips twice. 

You feel heat lick through you, pooling between your legs. Your fingers twist in the sheets in anticipation. Heat pulses from your pussy, panties getting damp and Yoongi’s has barely touched you. It’s the way he looks at you, the way he presses his thumb against your swelling clit. 

“Yeah,” you breathe, voice watery. “I’m pretty into it.”

“I can tell,” he teases. He leans down, keeping one hand between your legs, gently applying pressure and circling his fingers as his lips search for yours. “You’re already wet, huh?”

Yoongi doesn’t let you answer. His lips capture yours and you sigh into his mouth, hands coming up automatically to wrap around his neck. It feels so natural. His hair is soft between your fingers and his mouth is warm, tasting faintly of the peppermint tea he drank earlier. 

Kissing Yoongi is heady. He controls the kiss, keeping the pace slow as if he’s savoring you. Your thighs close around his hand as he presses through your shorts harder. When he introduces his tongue to your mouth, it takes your breath away. 

Breaking the kiss, Yoongi mouths at your jaw. You arch into him, running your hands down his chest, feeling the warm skin beneath his sweater. One of your hands goes to his wrist pressed into the mattress by your head, holding onto him, the other goes to his hand between your legs, laying your fingers on his, pressing.

He hums, the buzz of his mouth against the underside of your jaw maddening. Together, you peel your shorts down your legs. Yoongi shuffles closer to you, your thigh pressed against his as he continues to kneel next to you, heat radiating from his body.

Yoongi traces the trim of your panties. You watch him, your mouth parted as you breathe unsteadily. He is solely focused on you. You can feel the slick sticking to the silk, watching as he drags a finger near your hip, his touch tantalizing. 

Maybe this is what you were missing. Yoongi takes his time, dragging out the feeling of his hands on you. Works you up as he removes your shirt and bra next. You feel drunk on him already, nipples pebbling in the cold room. His nails scratch lightly up your stomach to your chest. He smirks as he traces slow, lazy circles around your nipples, eyes glancing up to watch your expression. 

“Why?” you ask, hissing at the light stimulation. You want more. 

“No one is in a rush,” he mutters. His voice is low, raspy. “Are you?”

When you shake your head, he smiles, pinching a nipple between two fingers. A curse drips from your mouth and your hips buck. You close your eyes, letting Yoongi tweak one nipple then the other, letting him guide you through. The stimulation feels good - otherworldly, even, when he bends down and flicks the tip of his tongue over one playfully. 

“No,” you sigh. “Not in a rush.” 

His teeth scrape your sensitive bud and your head rolls back, pushing into the mattress. “Good. Relax, let me take care of you.”

Tension melts out of your body. You didn’t realize you were so tense until he pointed it out. You let yourself sink into the feeling of Yoongi sucking gently on the peak of your right nipple while his thumb brushes back and forth over the other. The stimulation feels good, your head lolling to the side as you breath shakily. 

Yoongi is slow. He takes his time running his tongue across your chest, air cooling is spit as he goes. You squeeze your thighs together, feeling your cunt throb for attention. He notices, nipping his way back up to your neck as he slides a hand down between your legs, pressing your panties into your sticky folds. 

“Fuck,” you sigh. He nuzzles your neck, tongue swipe over the sensitive spot of your throat. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this fucking wet.”

“Good.” His words are muffle as he sucks at your tender skin. You angle your head, giving him better access. It feels like the bed is spinning wildly, a compass lost in an electromagnetic field. “Tell me at any point if something doesn’t feel good or you want something else.”

“Okay.”

You open your eyes and smile. It’s so Yoongi to make sure he asks what you want. So Yoongi to remind you that he’s here for you. That as he slips his hand under the waistband of your underwear, he’s determined to provide for you. To get you off. 

A moan slips out of your mouth when it comes into contact with your dripping cunt. He avoids touching your clit directly, fingers spreading your folds as he teases your hole experimentally. It feels good - whether it’s because it’s Yoongi or because you’re already worked up, it doesn’t matter. 

Yoongi circles around your clit deftly a few times, making your hips wiggle. A tingle settles in your stomach, fingers twisting in the sheets.

When he retracts his hand, you open your eyes. He watches you steadily lifting his fingers to pop them between pink lips and oh. He hums around his fingers, making a show of rolling his tongue around them, tasting your juices. He slides them slowly out of his mouth, hypnotizing you. 

“Mmm.” He grins and reaches to slide your underwear off. “Can’t wait to eat you out. First, I’m gonna make you come.”

Never in your friendship would you have imagined Yoongi to be like this. It would be a lie to say you’d never thought what it might be like to have him like this, his hands peeling your underwear off. The scrap of the silk on your legs is heady, every part of your skin extra sensitive. 

Lips parts, eyes fixed, you watch him toss the underwear to the side. He shuffles so that one knee rests against his leg, the other spread flat on the mattress for him. There is a split second where you feel vulnerable, spread open for him to see how much of a mess you are at the barely stimulation. You start to close your leg but Yoongi shakes his head, hand brushing down your inner thigh.

Slowly, Yoongi drags a finger up your slit to your entrance, massaging lightly with his finger before sinking in slowly. You let out a long breath, your walls clenching around his finger. It doesn’t provide a lot of stretch, but it feels good, the pad of his pointer stroking your inner wall. 

At first, Yoongi is slow. Familiarizing himself with your warm, wet heat. He picks up the pace then, stroking deeply, ensuring to push up against that soft spot inside of you. It drives you crazy. Crazier, still, when he leans down and attaches his mouth to yours, tongues tangling as he fingers you leisurely. 

“Fuck,” Yoongi mutters against your mouth. “You’ve got a wet little cunt.”

“Not usually,” you admit. You card your fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends a little. Your entire body is radiating with heat, sweat slicking your skin. “Fuck, it feels good. Doesn’t usually.”

“No?” he sucks harshly at your jaw and your eyes flutter shut. 

“No. Usually they jack hammer their fingers into my pussy.”

His laugh is hot on your skin. “Nah, just gotta find the spot.” 

Yoongi has found the spot. Makes it ten times better when he adds another finger, giving you something more substantial to grip on. Your cunt grips his fingers like a vice, slick sounds filling the room. He adds his thumb to the mix, pressing down on your clit. You gasp his name, hips bucking against his hand, dripping into his palm.

“Fuck yeah,” he grunts. “Fuck yourself onto my hand the way you like.” 

Together, you work yourself up to the edge. Yoongi doesn’t pause for a moment, doesn’t complain that his wrist is tired, doesn’t stop tonguing your sensitive spot on your neck until you’re clinging to him, coming around his fingers in a wet, messy squelch. 

You shake as he thrusts his fingers a few more times, the slopping sound of his palms smacking your pussy intoxicating. You feel like liquid, blurry at the edges and warm. 

“Holy shit,” you sigh. Yoongi pulls his fingers from your hole and you immediately squirm, hating the empty feeling. “That was just from your fingers?”

“Uh huh.” You watch as he licks his fingers again, grinning around them. Your stomach flips, cunt still leaking, begging for more. “Now watch what happens when I eat this pussy.” 

#yoongi smut #suga smut #bts smut #min yoongi smut #yoongi fic #suga fic #min yoongi fic #bts fic #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #yoongix you #suga x you #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #minors dni #minors do not interact

[jaeyunverse]

skater boy

pairing: sim jake x fem!reader

genres: fluff, angst, crack, strangers to lovers, high school au

warnings: profanity, mentions of injuries, trauma and death, heavy angst towards the end, all my knowledge about skateboarding has come from google so this is not going to be very accurate LOL lmk if you think i missed anything!

wc: 9372

summary: jake hadn’t expected to see anyone at the skatepark in the middle of the night. he sure as hell hadn’t expected to fall in love the moment your gazes met either.

playlist: click here!

note: omg i wrote this on such a whim LMAOO i hope y’all enjoy it though!! i had a lot of fun w this fic and i’d love to hear your thoughts :”)

masterlist

Save for himself, Jake Sim was not used to seeing anyone use the skatepark at four in the morning. 

It was like an unspoken rule: early evenings were reserved for kids and middle-schoolers, late evenings for teenagers, nights for smokers and stoners, and the time right before the crack of dawn for him. 

Jake didn’t like skating in front of people. He liked it when he had the entire place to himself. He liked it when amateurs didn’t ask to be taught by him. He liked it when he wasn’t requested to perform stunts on his skateboard. 

He liked it when he was left alone. 

Which was why the sight of you trying to balance yourself on your board in his safe space ticked him off.

Jake knew he wasn’t being fair. The skatepark was public property, and anyone who wanted to use it could do so without being answerable to him. He couldn’t just tell you to leave. It wasn’t your problem he wanted to skate in solitude. 

Jake contemplated skipping for one night and going back home. Surely, you wouldn’t be here tomorrow as well. Based on how you handled yourself, it looked like you had never skated before. 

Heck, you couldn’t even get on without having to clutch on to the safety railings. This was probably just a one-time thing, and Jake hoped you’d realise skating was not for you, give up and never return again. At least not when he came to the park. 

Right as he was about to leave, your gaze met his and you lost control of the skateboard. It slipped from under your feet, and you landed on your backside with a sharp hiss. 

Excruciating pain shot up your ankle as you tried to pull yourself up again, tears springing from the corners of your eyes. 

Jake watched you struggle warily. A voice at the back of his mind urged him to help you out, but he silenced it. He wasn’t an asshole on a regular basis, but he was still pissed you were occupying the skate park. 

“Fuck,” you breathed, biting down on your lip to stop a whimper from escaping. You limped to where your skateboard had rolled and picked it up. Approaching Jake, you said to him with your gaze trained on the ground, “You can skate if you want. I was going to leave anyway.” 

He raised an eyebrow, not having expected you to leave immediately. Maybe his expression had been colder than he had thought it was. Or maybe you were just unwilling to skate while he was present—you did embarrass yourself in front of him after all. 

You made to move past Jake when he caught sight of your scratched arms. His eyes moved to your ankle immediately, assessing it. 

“Hey,” he called, causing you to stop in your tracks. “How are you going home?” 

You hesitated. Gulped. Looked around. Then answered, “My brother’s going to pick me up.” 

Jake didn’t need to be a genius to know you had lied. But he understood. It was the dead of the night, and no one was around except a strange boy who was asking you weird questions. Obviously, you were on your guard. 

“Your ankle’s sprained. I can tell from the way you’re limping.” He had no idea why he was still speaking to you instead of just saying okay and moving on. Maybe it was the guilt blossoming in him for being the reason behind your pain that made him offer, “There’s a 24/7 open supermarket around the corner. You should ice the injury before it swells. I can help if you want.” 

“Oh.” 

A beat of silence passed. Then two. Jake opened his mouth. “Or not,” he said and chuckled awkwardly. This was exactly why he never bothered to engage with people. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable—”

“I think I’d appreciate your assistance,” you interrupted and gave him a tight-lipped yet grateful smile. 

Jake blinked. He hadn’t expected you to take him up on his offer. 

“Sure,” he said. “My car’s parked right here. We can walk too, if you’d prefer that,” he added upon watching your expression turn cautious. 

“I’d rather walk,” you admitted. “It doesn’t hurt a lot and the distance is not much so I think I can manage.” 

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Jake agreed without missing a beat. “Yeah. I’ll just—just hold on to your skateboard for you.”

God, this was so awkward. Jake was starting to regret ever offering to help you out. You clearly didn’t trust him, and he didn’t know how to convince you he had no ill intentions. 

“I’m Jake, by the way,” he said in an attempt to make conversation. “Are you from around here?”

You nodded, hissing a little as you walked beside him. “Yeah. I’m Y/N. I go to Grapevine High.”

“Grapevine?” Jake laughed, fisting his free hand at his side to keep it from snaking around your waist for support. He didn’t want to touch you without your consent—even though it was just to help. “That’s crazy. I go to Blue Valley High.” 

You gasped. “No way! You guys are such cheaters! The Championship Cup is rightfully ours.” 

“Sore losers call winners cheaters,” he teased. 

“You should be lucky I have a sprained ankle, or you’d be eating the ground right now.”

“You should be lucky Choi Yeonjun is graduating, or your school would be making a complete fool out of itself next year too.” 

You snorted. “Everyone knows your team paid the—Fuck!” 

Jake grabbed your arm the moment you lost your balance and pulled you towards him. You clutched his hoodie for support, involuntarily tugging him towards you as well. Jake almost tripped over his feet too but held his ground. 

“Do you need my help walking the rest of the way?” he asked, concern evident in his tone. 

Biting your lip in contemplation, you tried putting weight on your sprained ankle. You could feel the pain in your bones, so you glanced at Jake, your faces but a few inches away, and mumbled, “I’m sorry for being a bother.” 

Jake shook his head and wrapped an arm around your waist so he could assist you better. “Don’t apologise. I wouldn’t have offered to help if I thought of you as a bother.” 

The smile you gave him was a mixture of both grateful and relieved, and Jake couldn’t help the slight increase in the pace of his heart. Answering your unspoken gratitude with a reassuring upward curl of his lips, he waited for you to move your arm and sling it around his neck. 

“Do you always come to skate at the park?” Jake asked as the two of you slowly continued to the supermarket. “I’ve never seen you before.” 

You shook your head. “No. It’s a new hobby I’m trying to pick up.” 

“I can teach you if you want.” The words were out of Jake’s mouth before he could think of a reply. He paused for a second, waiting for the regret to settle in. Surprisingly, it didn’t, so he continued, “I’ve been skating since I was five.” 

You raised your eyebrows. “Really? That’s so cool! You must be really good.” 

“I guess.” Jake laughed sheepishly and ducked his head, trying to hide the blush that was creeping on his cheeks. God, what was wrong with him? Not only had he offered to teach you how to skate (something he would have never done if it were someone else) but was also feeling shy at the hint of awe in your tone. 

“I—I don’t know,” you answered hesitantly. “I don’t want to inconvenience you.” 

“You won’t.” 

“Are you sure? You looked pretty annoyed when you saw me at the skatepark.”

Jake’s eyes widened. “No! I wasn’t annoyed,” he lied. “I was just surprised.”

You stared at him for a moment before smiling knowingly. “Whatever you say, skater boy.”  

He opened his mouth to reply, but you beat him to it. “Oh, thank God, we’re here.” 

Indeed, when Jake averted his gaze from you, he saw the supermarket in all its glory. It looked empty, save for the half-asleep cashier slumped in his seat at the billing counter.

You let go of Jake and limped on one leg through the automatic doors. Slamming your hand on the counter, you yelled, “Get up and do your fucking job, Sunoo!” 

Jake watched in slight confusion and shock as the cashier jumped in his seat, almost falling off. “What the hell, Y/N?! Do you want to give me a heart attack?” he demanded in a shrill voice, his hand on his chest. 

“Oh, shut up, I did you a favour. You know there are cameras in here, right?” you pointed out. 

“You know the owner is an old lady who doesn’t even know the T of technology, right?” Sunoo replied snarkily, and then asked as realization dawned on him, “Why the fuck are you out so late?”

Jake saw you tense. “I wanted to go for a walk.” 

Sunoo frowned. “Alone? Does your mom know?” 

“I’m not alone. I’m with my new friend.” 

Sunoo followed your gaze and finally noticed Jake awkwardly standing at the door. Scoffing, he asked, “Sim Jake’s your new friend?” 

You narrowed your eyes and scrutinised both boys. “You two know each other?” 

“I don’t know him,” Jake replied, looking just as lost as you were. “Do you know me?”

“I know of you,” Sunoo corrected. “You’re pretty popular. Y/N, on the other hand, is not. Hence my disbelief.”

“Hey, asshole!” you exclaimed and glared at Sunoo. “I just don’t talk to a lot of people!” 

“Neither does Jake,” Sunoo pointed out. “But he’s known as the hot, mysterious skateboarder who keeps to himself while you’re known as the friendless girl. Or not known as,” he amended. “Because you’re not, you know, popular.” 

“You half-witted son of a cunt—” 

Jake stepped between the two of you before things could escalate. “Okay, let’s all calm down.” 

“Tell him to shut the fuck up first!” you whined. “He’s being such a jerk to me!” 

The corners of Jake’s lips quirked at the sight of your bottom lip sticking out in a pout. He promptly ignored the way his heart rate picked up. 

“What’s your problem, Sunoo?” he demanded from the cashier. 

“My problem is that Y/N woke me up!” Sunoo burst out. “I was having an amazing dream and now I can’t remember any of it!” 

“Deserved,” you commented under your breath before saying out loud, “Whatever. Sleep during your shift or don’t; I don’t care.” 

“Good!” Sunoo snapped. 

Sticking your tongue out at him, you grabbed Jake’s arm and tugged him deeper into the store. “Let’s go.” 

Snaking his arm around your waist again, he let you direct him towards the refrigerators at the rear end of the supermarket. “Who is he?” 

“My neighbour.” You rolled your eyes. “We’ve known each other since we were toddlers and he’s been a huge pain in my ass the entire time. I want to punch him every time he opens his fucking mouth.” 

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Hatred isn’t a very sexy look on you, Y/N.” 

“As long as it’s a little sexy.” You wiggled your eyebrows. “I trashed his car because he spread rumours about me at school. He’s working night shifts to pay for the repairs but all I had to do was throw the best rager of the year to nullify what he had done.”

“Wow.” Jake laughed. “I would not want to get on your bad side.” 

You grinned cheekily. “I don’t think you can.” 

Once the two of you had reached the refrigerators, Jake helped you sit down on the floor and fetched an ice pack. 

You carefully removed your sneakers and socks and rolled your ripped baggy jeans up a few times. There was some swelling on the outer side of your ankle, but the injury thankfully didn’t seem to be severe. 

“Oh, good, there’s no bruising,” Jake also noticed. Sitting cross-legged in front of you, he gently stretched your leg and placed it on his lap. “You’ll heal in no time.” 

“Do you hurt yourself a lot while skating?” you asked as he pressed the ice pack to your wound. You had a low pain tolerance and distracting yourself by talking always proved effective. 

Jake shrugged. “Kind of. This month I tried to skate down the railing that divides the staircase in the children’s park and fell off. Fucked up my entire body and couldn’t move for a few days.”

Mentally cringing at the image forming in your mind, you questioned, “Why do you perform risky stunts if they’re so dangerous?” 

“It’s fun,” he answered and moved your ankle in all directions slowly. “Skating makes me feel alive. It’s something I’ve been doing since I was a kid, and I can’t imagine quitting just because of a few injuries here and there.” 

“Don’t people break bones and tear ligaments because of failed skateboarding stunts?”

Jake grinned. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I don’t fail a lot. Besides, I usually wear full-sleeved clothes to avoid scraping myself. There’s a physical risk factor no matter what sport you pursue.”

You pondered over his words for a moment. “What made you start skateboarding?”

“This is starting to feel a lot like an interrogation.” He raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smile playing on his face. Your face heated in embarrassment, and you were about to apologise for asking so many questions when he continued, “I used to always see the skatepark while coming home from day care. My parents must have noticed me pressing my face against the car window each time we drove past because I was given a board on my fifth birthday. I’ve been skating ever since.”

“Woah. Isn’t that almost twelve years?” 

“A little over, actually. I turn eighteen this year.” 

Your lips parted in wonder. You’d met very few people who talked about skateboarding the way Jake did. His eyes were shining with barely contained excitement and his lips adorned a wide smile that sent your heart fluttering. 

You’d been uncertain before, but now you knew for sure you wanted to get to know this boy who had such love and passion for skating. 

“Does your offer to teach me how to skateboard still stand?” 

Jake beamed. “Always.” 

Jake hadn’t seen you for two weeks. While it hadn’t been that long, he strangely found himself missing you. 

It was as if something had clicked between the two of you when you’d been sitting on the supermarket floor. No one had ever bothered to ask Jake how he started skating, and he’d never seen anyone be genuinely so interested in his hobby. 

Jake never initiated conversations or even made a conscious effort to keep them going. Yet, the two of you had talked till the sun came up and only left when Sunoo kicked you out. 

He’d driven you home after and you’d exchanged phone numbers. He even made you promise him to see a doctor as he helped you up the porch stairs.

“I’ll message you when my ankle heals,” you had told him. “We can decide when to meet up then.” 

Jake had agreed, but as the days passed, he found himself itching to send you a check-up text. He’d never been one to overthink, so a few days later, you saw your phone screen lighting up with his name. 

For the next few weeks, the two of you texted constantly. From discussing which pasta sauce was superior to what your dreams were—you never seemed to run out of things to talk about. Jake couldn’t stop sparks of hope from igniting in him whenever he received a notification alert. 

He’d never felt this way for anyone. While it was scary for him to realise you were starting to become the reason he smiled so often now, he embraced the wave of affection that washed over him each time he thought of you. 

Texting every day turned to calling every day and calling every day turned to FaceTiming every day. Jake had become so comfortable around you that he wasn’t shy anymore to answer your video calls even though he was half-asleep and still in bed.

Unfortunately, the two of you weren’t able to meet again because of your heavy schedules. You were in a bunch of extracurriculars, and Jake had basketball practice after school. He missed you more than he would have liked to admit. 

AirPods in both ears, he was casually skating to the skatepark at 4 in the morning like usual when he caught sight of a figure leaning on the support railings. 

“No way,” Jake mumbled to himself and plucked his AirPods out of his ears. Getting off his skateboard, he hit its tail and began sprinting. 

The thud of his footsteps alerted you and you pocketed your phone. Pushing yourself off the railing, you turned around to greet him. 

Only to be thrown off your balance as he collided with you and engulfed you in a warm embrace. It took you a moment to react, but you laughed softly and wrapped your arms around him too. 

“Miss me so much, skater boy?” 

Jake pulled back and smirked at you. “Do you always call me skater boy because you don’t know my name?”

“Of course not!” You grinned. “You’re just so memorable, Jack. I couldn’t forget about you if I wanted to.” 

Amused, Jake raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re just going to go ahead and call me the whitest name to ever exist?” 

“Jack’s not too far from Jake,” you pointed out. “And you do have an accent.” 

“It’s Australian!” 

“Mhm.” 

Rolling his eyes playfully, he glanced at your leg. “How’s your ankle holding up?” 

“Completely healed,” you chirped and moved it in all directions, going as far as jumping in place to prove yourself. Jake fondly smiled at your actions, his eyes turning into smile crescent moons. “Don’t you think you should have asked me this question before you crashed into me with the force of a truck?” 

Laughing sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorry. I just got excited.” 

“Nah, I missed you too.” You gave his shoulder a light-hearted punch. At your words, a seed of happiness sprouted in Jake’s chest. “Do you still want to teach me how to skate?” 

He grinned and set his board on the ground. “Get on. Without support.” 

“Wait, what?” you asked and glanced at the piece of wood nervously. “Just like that?” 

“You’re wearing the right kind of shoes so you’re already halfway there. Besides, it’s not that hard.” 

You shot him a dirty look. “Easy for you to say. I have zero balance, and this isn’t even a longboard.” 

“I’m surprised you know the terminology,” Jake commented. 

You looked a little taken aback for a moment, but you caught your bearings so fast he thought he’d imagined your expression. “I read up a little before coming.” 

“Oh.” Jake wasn’t completely satisfied with your answer, however, he let it slide without any further poking. “Well, you’re right; this isn’t a longboard. You have me to catch you if you fall off, though.” 

You stared at him for a moment. And then, “My ankle better not get fucked up again, skater boy.” 

“No promises.” 

Glaring at him playfully, you kept a foot on the skateboard tentatively. Your hand instinctively reached out to grab Jake’s sleeve, but you fisted it and forced it back to your side. 

This was turning out to be even harder than you’d expected. You were scared to put your other foot on the board in fear of it slipping under you like last time. 

However, your unwillingness to appear as a coward to Jake overpowered your anxiety. You were about to bite the bullet and just step on the board when Jake said, 

“Angle your feet sideways. Place your right foot in front of the left one.” 

Nodding without looking at him, you did as you were told. 

The skateboard moved a little as you stepped on it, a yelp leaving your mouth. Jake’s arms caged your figure from a distance, and you grabbed them immediately to stabilise yourself.

“Not that hard, was it?” 

You breathed a laugh and tried shifting the board a little from side to side using Jake’s support. “Apparently not.”  

He let go of your elbows as you got off the piece of wood. “You’re doing better than my first time on the skateboard already.” 

“Weren’t you, like, five?” 

“I’m really trying to be supportive here.” 

You snorted. “Why, thank you.” 

“My pleasure,” Jake popped and bowed dramatically. “You wanna go again?” 

The two of you must have practised and goofed around in the skatepark for hours—you could tell because of the sun rays that had begun to peek over the horizon. It didn’t feel that way at all, though. 

The concept of time never seemed to exist whenever you were with Jake both physically and virtually. No matter how long you spent with him, it never felt enough. 

Skating was a sort of therapy for Jake. He couldn’t go a day without cruising on the streets or performing stunts in the park when there was no one to watch. For you, though, he was ready to give it up. 

Being one of the reasons you smiled was of much more value to him. He loved the way your eyes sparkled as if they held the entire galaxy in them. He loved hearing you ramble about the most random things ever. He loved having someone he could be completely honest to.

Jake hated being cheesy, but he had to admit that his black-and-white life had suddenly turned vibrant and colourful when you entered it. 

He knew what this feeling was. Watching you confidently ride the skateboard with a huge smile on your face got rid of any fear he had. 

He wasn’t afraid to acknowledge his heart anymore. 

He was in love with you. 

Never had you imagined someone you’d only met a month ago would become so important to you.

Jake had come into your life when you needed him the most. Even though you couldn’t bring yourself to completely open up to him, his presence was enough. He made things easier for you. With him by your side, nothing felt impossible. 

But the weight of your guilt became a little too heavy to bear sometimes. So much so that you couldn’t help but think you didn’t deserve him. That you were moving on faster than people in mourning should. 

Were you even in mourning anymore? 

Your dead brother would have wanted you to escape the past and live your life. He would have wanted you to stop blaming yourself. He would have wanted you to find your safe space and heal. 

You were tired of the sympathy. You were tired of the it wasn’t your fault and there was no way you could have known. You were done with people telling you to stop torturing yourself. 

You deserved the emotional turmoil you experienced every single day. You didn’t deserve to get your pain taken away by Jake. 

It wasn’t hard to pretend in front of him. He wasn’t in your school and didn’t stay in your neighbourhood. The two of you had no mutual friends. He didn’t know you when you went through the biggest loss of your life. 

You felt guilty for putting up a happy facade and hiding the darkness in you when he was nothing but honest with you. Part of you wanted to tell him about your brother’s death, but underlying that urge was the fear of being thought of as someone who needed to be fixed. 

You didn’t know if you could survive another don’t blame yourself.

Jake was your escape from reality. When you were together, it was just you, him, and your skateboards. Being with him gave you a sense of normalcy. As much as you wanted to lay yourself bare in front of him, you didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you. 

“What are you thinking about?” you heard him ask. 

Averting your gaze from the car window, you glanced at him and shook your head with a smile on your face. “Nothing.” 

“I can tell when you’re lying.” 

“I swear it’s nothing,” you promised, your heart constricting as the lie effortlessly left your mouth. “I’m just stressed about school. I have a lot of stuff due this week and a debate tomorrow. I’ve never been good with deadlines so I can’t help but be anxious.” 

He studied you for a moment, as if mulling over your words. You could tell he wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t push you further. Maybe that was why you were so comfortable around him. He never forced you to talk about something and always let you open up at your own pace. 

All he did was offer comfort and let you know he would be there for you no matter what. It was more than you could have ever asked for. 

“Do you want me to drop you back home?” he suggested, concern evident in his tone. “We can hang out once you’re done with your submissions and have a lesser workload.” 

You shook your head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just lie in bed and think about all the things I haven’t done yet. I’d rather not be alone with my thoughts.” 

“Fair enough,” Jake said and turned his attention to the road again. 

There was silence for the next few minutes. You turned in your seat and reached for the back of the car to fetch your skateboards when Jake turned the corner of the park. 

“Don’t,” he said, making you pause. “We’re not going to skate today.” 

You blinked. “What?” 

“I have something else in mind.” Jake glanced at you out of the corner of his eye and gave you an excited grin. “I think you’ll love it.” 

“Really?” you asked, chuckling a little. “Where are we going?”

“Surprise” was all he said. 

Jake’s ‘surprise’ would have been pretty good if you hadn’t identified where you were headed the minute he took the turn that led you out of the town and towards the beach. 

For his sake, you pretended to be oblivious to your surroundings. He was right about the other thing, though. You were loving the direction this night had taken.

Besides, now that you thought about it again, it technically was a surprise to you that Jake remembered the one time you’d mentioned your liking for late-night walks on sandy shores. 

“No way.” You feigned a gasp and looked at him. “The beach!”

He gave you a pointed stare. “Shut up. I know you knew we were coming here.” 

“Yeah, okay,” you said and shrunk in your seat. He laughed softly. “But I really do appreciate you bringing me here.” 

Putting his arm on the headrest behind you, Jake put his car in reverse so he could park it. “And I appreciate you not bursting my bubble and embarrassing me. At least until I deduced how dumb I was to not expect you to know we were going to the biggest attraction of our town.” 

You grinned. “Ten out of ten for effort.” 

Looking at you, Jake rolled his eyes, and that was when you noticed your proximity. Your faces were so close you could count his eyelashes and see the brown flecks in his irises. 

The smile on your face dropped and your gaze flitted to his lips for half a second. Then went back up to find that his eyes were on your lips now. 

Your gazes met before you could look away and pretend whatever sparks you’d just felt had been nothing but a result of your wild imagination. 

He sucked in a breath. You braced yourself, your heart beating so fast you were sure it was going to leap out of your chest. 

Anticipation paralysing you in place, you could only watch Jake as he leaned in for a kiss. However, the seatbelt prevented him from closing the distance between your lips and a string of curses left his mouth instead. 

“Motherfucker,” he mumbled under his breath and fumbled with the buckle. You snapped out of your reverie and ducked your head, letting your hair fall over your face to hide your fluster. 

Jake struggled with the buckle, his hands shaking due to his embarrassment at not having thought things through and frustration at being cockblocked by a fucking strap around his torso.

You bit down on your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Deciding to take a leap of courage, you cupped his face in both hands, causing him to stop his actions and look at you.

You glanced at his mouth again and closed your eyes, finally placing your lips on top of his. 

At that exact moment, Jake’s belt buckle snapped open. Grabbing the back of your neck with a hand, he pulled you closer and kissed you harder. His other hand went to your buckle, unfastening it with the kind of expertise he hadn’t been able to showcase while he was undoing his own. 

You let your arm travel to his shoulder for support. Pushing yourself up, you climbed on him and straddled his lap. 

Jake’s seat jerked back as he adjusted it to accommodate you comfortably. His hand rested on your waist, the other one still wrapped around your nape. His thumb caressed your cheekbone gently—a total contrast to the passion with which he was kissing you. 

Running your tongue over his lip, you wove your fingers through his silky strands and tugged at them. He opened his mouth in response to your glaringly obvious request and tilted his head to the side, allowing you to deepen the kiss further. 

Jake knew he’d wanted this for a while now, he just hadn’t realised how much he’d wanted it. Pure, undiluted euphoria was coursing through his veins.

Part of him wanted to pinch himself to confirm that no, this wasn’t a dream, but he reckoned that wasn’t sexy and would ruin the mood. 

Out of breath, you detached your mouth from his. Jake’s lips chased after yours, unwilling to be separated from them just yet. He kissed you a few last times before burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

You rested your forehead on his shoulder, idly scratching the hair at his nape as you tried coming down from the high of the kiss. 

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for the next few minutes. Jake rubbed soothing circles on the curve of your waist with his thumb, puckering his lips to leave a trail of butterfly kisses on your neck that caused goosebumps to erupt across your skin. 

You wanted him to say something—anything. What were the two of you now? This wasn’t a situation that was caused because you went with the flow and got a little too lost in the moment. The moment was over, and you were still nestled in his lap. His arms were still around you and holding you close, as if he never wanted to let you go. 

This wasn’t a mistake. This clearly meant something to him. 

Whatever this was, it was real. Real and genuine and infinite—

“I love you,” Jake mumbled against your neck. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you froze for a moment. This was the last thing you’d expected to hear.

He shifted so that the two of you were facing each other and gazed at you with wide, vulnerable, honest eyes. “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated. “More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” 

You were at a loss for words. “Jake…” 

“I know it was selfish of me to drop something so heavy on you without a warning, but I had to get it out,” he continued, a tremble evident in his voice. “I just wanted you to know what I felt for you. I couldn’t pretend any longer—” 

“Jake,” you stopped him before he could go on, tears pooling in your eyes. “Don’t. Please.” The expression on his face tore your heart to shreds. “I’m sorry.” 

He remained frozen for a moment, as if waiting for you to take your words back. But you didn’t. You didn’t and Jake thought he was dying and his soul was being ripped apart. 

He had thought he would be able to handle your rejection, but then you had kissed him as if your life depended on it and his hopes had skyrocketed. Now, his heart was shattered, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to pick up the pieces.

The wound you’d inflicted on Jake was one that would never stop bleeding. 

Tears escaped your eyes as you opened the door of his car and climbed off him. Jake vacantly kept staring at where you’d been sitting in his lap, and you were about to shut the door when he said, “Wait.” 

He turned to look at you, pain and heartbreak colouring the whites of his eyes red. The sight only made your anguish increase tenfold.

“I’ll drop you back home,” he said. 

You opened your mouth and closed it again, unable to form a reply. Jake noticed your hesitation and clarified, “It’s not safe for you to go back alone. Please, let me drive you home. I promise this won’t mean anything.” 

You never thought you’d hated yourself so much. You’d stomped on his heart and here he was, begging you to let him do something nice for you.

Gulping, you nodded once and walked to the passenger’s seat on the other side. Jake had closed his door and strapped his seatbelt again by the time you opened the door of your seat. 

Wordlessly, he started the car and began driving. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his knuckles turn white with how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. You swallowed the urge to apologise again and fisted your hands in your lap, averting your gaze to the window instead. 

The next thirty minutes were absolutely torturous. The air was thick with tension, and you didn’t know how to approach Jake. You didn’t think he even wanted to be approached by you. 

Hell, he probably never wanted to see you again. You were a complete monster for being so cruel to him right after you kissed him and gave him hope. There had been better ways to deal with the situation. 

The car came to a stop in front of your house. You glanced at him, but Jake was staring at the road silently, his grip on the wheel not having loosened even a bit. 

Your heart sank. Biting down on your lower lip, you tried keeping your whimper inside. Wordlessly, you unfastened your seatbelt and threw the door open. 

It was an effort to not glance back at Jake as you walked to the porch of your house. The moment you were inside, you heard him rev his car and drive away. 

Forever. 

Jake was a mess. 

He had been cooped up in his room and wallowing in self-pity the entire week. Technically he did leave for school because his parents kicked him out and he did attend basketball practice because his coach was on his ass. 

But other than that, he was at home, not even sneaking out to skate. He couldn’t be bothered to play the sport anymore.  

It was crazy how you had essentially ruined the only thing he was passionate about. Every time he looked at his skateboard, he was reminded of the times you had shared and the memories you had made. 

He was reminded of how you’d made him fall in love with you. 

You had forgotten your board in his car the night everything went to hell. Jake had brought it up to his room and propped it right next to his, noticing that the two pieces of wood looked really good next to each other. 

He had slapped himself hard when he came back to his senses. He was being so pathetic.

However, he reckoned he did have a good reason to brood and play Valorant, cussing out his teammates for faults that were clearly his. 

You had kissed him and then rejected him in the worst way possible. Begging him to stop pouring his heart to you? That hurt. 

And Jake was going to make it the problem of four people he had never met before. 

“I will boil your fucking balls if you die again, HoonVader6969,” Jake growled into the mic of his headphones. “You have contributed nothing to this game.” 

“Hey!” HoonVader6969 protested from the other side. “I have 2 kills!” 

“2 kills in 8 rounds is pathetic, you son of a bitch!” 

“What the hell, LegendJake404?” HeeKing1510 exclaimed as Ddeonu8809 used his ability and killed an enemy. “Hop off HoonVader6969’s dick! You didn’t land any kills and were the first to die in almost all matches!” 

Jake snorted. “I’d hop off HoonVader6969’s wiener if he had one.” 

JongDong111 laughed. “Can confirm from experience that LegendJake404 is right.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jay!” HoonVader6969 yelled in a strained voice. “We had a deal!” 

“The deal was to not mention the size of your dick to people we know,” JongDong111—Jay—countered smoothly. “I don’t think we’d associate ourselves with someone who calls themself a fucking legend.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Ddeonu8809 came to Jake’s defence. “You literally have a dong in your name.” 

Jake froze, identifying his teammate immediately. The reaction cost him, and he died. Now watching the game through JongDong111’s perspective, he exclaimed, “Sunoo?!” 

“Yeah,” he replied, unamused. “It’s me. You got yourself killed again, by the way, asshole.” 

“Damn,” HeeKing1510 muttered. “You all knowing each other is making me feel left out.” 

“Woah,” Jake interrupted. “Why am I an asshole?”

“Y/N’s been depressed all week because of you! It’s no fun being mean to her when she isn’t willing to fight back!” 

Jay whistled lowly. “Valorant player breaking a girl’s heart? That’s gotta make headlines. Some of us can’t even talk to the opposite gender.” 

“I’m gonna fuck you up, Jay,” HoonVader6969 threatened. “Stop indirecting me.” 

“Sure, Sunghoon,” Jay mocked. “We’ll see how good your fucking skills are.” 

“Get back in the closet, fucker. June’s over,” Jake snapped. “Sunoo, what do you mean Y/N is depressed because of me? She rejected me!” 

Jay hummed. “Oh, yeah, this version makes more sense.”

“You think she doesn’t feel anything for you? Did you even ever ask why she turned you down?” Sunoo questioned as another round began. Jake chose his ammunition, thousands of thoughts racing through his mind at the speed of light. He was utterly confused; what was Sunoo implying? “Or have you been screening her calls and leaving her texts on delivered all week?” 

“Not cool, dude,” HeeKing1510 said in a disappointed voice. “Also, I’m Heeseung.” 

“Nobody cares.” 

“I see why Jay bullies you, Sunghoon.” 

Jake ignored them. “I needed some space to get my shit together. She begged me to stop confessing right after she kissed me, Sunoo. And now she’s trying to get back in touch with me? What am I supposed to think?!” 

It was incredibly stupid of Jake to talk about his shitty love life in front of a bunch of strangers who had probably never felt the warmth of another person, but he didn’t care. He needed answers. What the hell was Sunoo talking about? 

“Look.” Sunoo sighed. “I don’t wanna say anything on Y/N’s behalf, but I’ll suggest you to not ghost her and respond. You guys need to talk. She knows that which is why she’s trying to get hold of you.” 

“Why do you know so much about this Y/N person?” Sunghoon asked suspiciously. 

“She’s my neighbour slash best friend slash mortal enemy slash parasite on my Netflix account.” 

Jake frowned. “Your best friend trashed your car?”  

“Wait, she was the one who trashed my car?!” 

Jake pulled his computer’s plug. 

Your jaw was quite literally on the floor. 

Jake had finally texted you back and agreed to meet you the same night. However, instead of feeling relieved that you’d be able to explain yourself to him, you felt on edge and jittery. 

No matter how much you tried, you couldn’t stop being nervous about what his reaction would be.  

After several sleepless nights and a lot of overthinking, you’d at long last deduced why his opinion of you mattered so much. 

You were in love with him. And you were scared that once you revealed your past to him, he wouldn’t accept it and love you for all your faults. 

You knew Jake deserved more credit than you were giving him—he understood you like no one else did, for God’s sake—but your fear of opening up to someone and laying yourself bare in front of them was tearing you apart. 

Maybe part of you hoped he would feel overwhelmed. Maybe part of you thought it would be better if he didn’t want to deal with your issues. Maybe part of you felt that you didn’t deserve Jake because you still hadn’t forgiven yourself for your brother’s death. 

Maybe that was why you had pushed him away and were sabotaging your relationship. Maybe it was all to punish yourself and hurting Jake in the process had only been the collateral. 

God, you were a terrible person for keeping your feelings bottled up and not dealing with them. You never should have left him in the dark. 

Sighing, you turned on your stomach and screamed into your pillow. You’d been lying in bed all day, not even bothering to go downstairs to drink water when you felt thirsty. 

Your parents had knocked on your door, concerned, but you’d waved them away and said you were on your period and had cramps. 

They didn’t believe you, but you were too distracted by Jake to tell them you weren’t thinking about your brother. You didn’t stop them when they booked an appointment with your therapist the next day. 

Feeling a little better after having screamed your lungs out, you dragged yourself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. 

You looked absolutely horrible. The person staring back at you from the mirror reminded you of the initial few weeks after your brother’s death. You had huge dark circles under your bloodshot eyes, and your lips were chapped and colourless. 

Your hair was a bird’s nest. Your head was pounding, and you had to grip the sink to keep yourself steady. 

You had to clean up. You couldn’t let Jake see you like this. There was nothing you could do to get rid of the exhaustion visible in your eyes, but you could have a bath and put on some makeup to cover your awful physical state at least. 

Taking a deep breath, you nodded to yourself. 

I can do this. 

Jake thought you had told him to meet you at the town park near your house instead of the skatepark that was slightly farther for a reason. Given what had happened the last time you were in his car, he suspected you didn’t want to enter it again.

Or maybe the place reminded you of your ruined friendship. It certainly did to him. He hadn’t visited the skatepark at all the past week. 

Jake had no way to confirm what your intentions were, so all he did was drive anxiously to your decided meeting place. 

You weren’t meeting in the dead of the night this time. It was early—around 6 p.m—and he couldn’t help but think you had suggested that hour because the town park was filled with people. 

Did you not want to be alone with him either?  

Shaking his head to get rid of the intrusive thoughts, Jake parked his car in the parking space and shut the door behind him. 

As he walked to the benches near the pond you had agreed to meet at, his phone lit up. 

y/n: i’m here

jake: omw 

He frowned at his reply. Was he being too informal? Should he have said something along the lines of almost there?

Before he could overthink anymore, a voice broke him out of his reverie. He jumped a bit, not expecting to have already reached the benches. 

“Hey,” you mumbled and attempted a smile. Upon failing miserably, you cleared your throat and averted your gaze away from him. 

Jake’s heart clenched. He was relieved to see you again after a week of zero contact, but he hated the sight of you looking so exhausted. You’d covered up your dark circles with concealer and tried to put some colour to your face using a rosy blush, but he saw right through it all. 

Maybe he should have not ignored you. It seemed that while he was busy getting over your rejection, he hadn’t given much thought to how his confession had affected you. 

“How are you?” Jake asked as he took a seat beside you on the other end of the bench. He realised what a stupid question it was the moment the words left his mouth. You looked miserable. 

You shrugged and wrapped your hands around yourself. He could barely see your face because of your hoodie. “Surviving. You?” 

“Surviving.” 

Silence followed your short-lived conversation. Jake racked his brain to search for things to say, but you beat him to it. 

“Are you wearing concealer?” 

His eyes widened. “W—what?” 

“It’s not blended well.” You pointed at his swollen eyes half-heartedly. “You did a sloppy job.”

Embarrassment crept up Jake’s neck and tinted the tips of his ears red. “Yeah? So did you.” 

You closed your mouth at that. Personally, you thought you’d done a good job at covering how pathetic you felt. You’d gone as far as watching a few episodes of Modern Family to uplift your spirits. Your parents had even said that you looked better when you were leaving the house. 

But then again, it had never been hard for Jake to read you. 

Sighing, you dropped your gaze to your lap and fumbled with your fingers. “Thanks for coming.” 

“I’m sorry for ignoring you.” 

Swallowing thickly, you nodded once. “I’m sorry too.” 

“Y/N,” Jake begged. “Look at me. Please.” 

Eyes burning, you hesitantly faced him. There were tears welling in his bloodshot eyes too but he didn’t bother wiping them away. It broke your heart to see how much your actions had hurt him. 

You knew him well enough to know he hadn’t put makeup on to protect his pride but to protect you from feeling even more terrible about what you had done. 

You needed to tell him the truth. Right now. He deserved to know all of it. 

Wiping your tears, you asked him, “Do you remember the night we met? I told you my brother was going to come to pick me up but then you dropped me home after we finished icing my ankle in the supermarket?” 

Slowly, Jake nodded. “I do.” 

“I lied to you that day,” you continued, bracing yourself for what you were about to say next. “My brother was never going to come to pick me up. He’s dead. He has been for a little over a year now.” 

You couldn’t bear to see the shock on his face. You couldn’t bring yourself to wait for the sympathy to replace it instead. So, you looked away again and kept talking before he could speak, 

“He was a skater too. A really good one. He loved me and cared a lot for me. I used to be so surprised when my friends talked shit about their brothers. Mine used to tease me a lot but he never got me into trouble. We were tight, and always had each other’s backs. 

“I sneaked out to a party one day and my brother caught me. Usually, he drove me wherever I needed to go because I have overprotective parents, but he’d donated blood that day and he wasn’t supposed to drive. I buttered him up and got him to let me borrow his car keys on the condition that I wouldn’t drink and would come back home before dawn. I was desperate to leave so I brushed him off and promised him that I would stay sober.” 

Laughing humourlessly, you shook your head. Your lower lip wobbled as you resumed, “Spoiler alert: I didn’t keep the fucking promise. I got absolutely wasted. Somehow, my brother got to know and left to pick me up. I think it was through someone’s snap because I remember drinking from a beer bong and people recording it. He didn’t want me staying at my friend’s place overnight because that would have gotten both of us in trouble.” 

You sniffled and swallowed a sob. Jake and you were in a fairly secluded place but there were still a few other people, and you didn’t want any unwanted attention. 

“He got in my mom’s car to come to get me—he thought he’d given enough time for the side effects of the donation to fade. The police said he must have fainted while driving. The doctors performed surgery on him the entire night, but they couldn’t save him.” 

Finally looking at Jake, you said, “And you know what the worst part is? I didn’t know he’d been in a car crash till he was dead. Amidst all the panic, my parents didn’t think about waking me up when they got the call, so they never knew I wasn’t at home. I had passed out at my friend’s house from partying too much while my brother died on his way to pick me up.”

Jake’s lips parted. “Y/N…” 

“Everyone keeps saying it wasn’t my fault and my brother should have known better because he was an adult. I hate that my parents don’t hate me for killing their firstborn. I hate that they’re paying one of the best therapists in town to get me through this. I hate that nobody blames me even though I’m responsible for his death. I’m supposed to face the consequences of what I’ve done. I’m supposed to be suffering and I hate that you make things easier for me. I hate that I’ve made you fall in love with a killer—”

“You’re not a killer, Y/N—” 

“Then what else am I!” you burst, tears freely falling down your face now. “I’m a horrible person, Jake! I don’t deserve you and your goodness. I don’t deserve love!” 

“Don’t say that—” 

“Do you know why I was at the skatepark the other day?” you asked angrily. “I wanted to learn how to skateboard so I could feel closer to my brother. He always wanted to teach me. He thought it would be a good way for us to bond, but I always had an excuse. Extracurriculars, academics, exams—I never made time for him and his passion. I wanted to learn how to skateboard because it was my way of keeping him in my heart. 

“But then you came along, and you made me so happy. You knew nothing about my past, and I craved the normalcy I felt when I was with you. It was so easy to befriend you because I didn’t have to take your sympathy and be treated as someone who needed to be fixed. It was so easy to fall in love with you because you were able to offer me comfort despite having no idea about the most traumatic experience of my life!

“I thought I could push you away. I thought I could punish myself by not allowing myself to move on, but I only broke your heart in the process. I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna be hurting anymore, but it feels wrong and selfish to wish for happiness when I’ve done such a monstrous thing.” 

The floodgates were released, and you were sobbing openly now. Your throat was closing up and its insides felt like sandpaper. Your head was throbbing, and your vision was completely foggy. You felt dizzy. 

Jake scooted closer and wrapped his arms around you, tears falling from his eyes as well. He pulled you against him and let you bury your face in his chest. He hated seeing you in so much agony, but he had no words to offer. 

So, he let you cry for as long as you wanted, rubbing soothing circles on your back and caressing your hair. 

Jake couldn’t even begin to imagine going through such a loss. He admired you for pushing through for so long. He was proud of you for being brave enough to open up to him. 

He still loved you just as much and he was going to make sure to never leave your side as you navigated through your pain. 

Never.

“Jake, we’re late!” 

“Hold on, I’m trying to find my hoodie!” 

Grimacing, you yelled back, “I was wearing it yesterday and spilt mustard sauce on it.”

There was silence for a moment. Then heavy footsteps that sounded a lot like stomping. Then—

“You did what?!”

“I’m sorry!” you whined. “I’ve dropped it at the dry cleaners already!”

Jake gave you a dirty look and shrugged on the denim jacket lying on his sofa. “Don’t bother returning it.” 

“I can’t do that,” you said and slipped your hand through his, tugging him along. “You have to wear it for a few weeks so it starts smelling like you again and I can steal it once more.” 

“I’d offer you another hoodie, but I don’t know how I feel about something else being spilt on it.” 

“Bold of you to assume you have any hoodies left, skater boy.” 

Despite himself, Jake laughed and pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your temple. “You cheeky motherfucker.” 

“What are you going to do about it?” you challenged as the two of you reached his car and strapped yourselves. 

He hummed. “Leave early?”

“C’mon, threaten me with something realistic.” 

“You don’t think I’d do it?”

“You love me too much and haven’t seen me in over two weeks. I know you wouldn’t do it. I’m actually surprised you even thought of it.” 

“You got me.”

Snorting, you relaxed and looked outside the window. It was a pleasant day outside. The sky was clear, and the sun was shining. Everyone had huge smiles, thanks to the beginning of summer break. 

Jake and you had been dating for a little less than two years now. You were both in college now and pursuing your dreams. Unfortunately, you couldn’t get into the same university, but were thankfully in the same state, living just an hour away from each other. 

You didn’t know if you could call your relationship long-distance since traffic was the main reason your travel time crossed the sixty minutes mark.

Nonetheless, you were happy and were making it work. You were in a much better place than you were two years ago. You had an amazing boyfriend who loved you more than you thought was possible and stood by your side no matter what, and a therapist who actually understood you and helped you come to terms. 

Right now, the two of you were on your way to the local skatepark. You hadn’t been able to find much time to keep practising, but Jake had kept his skills polished and made it a point to visit the park at least three to four times a week. 

You were probably going to hurt yourself and make a huge fool of yourself in front of the kids who skated there—he had told you they were extremely talented for their age and had taught him some new stuff too—but it was okay. 

You weren’t afraid to fall anymore; you knew Jake would always be there to catch you. 

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #jake imagines #jake scenarios #enhypen fluff #jake fluff #enhypen x reader #jake x reader #enhypen oneshots #jake oneshots #enhypen fanfiction #jake fanfiction #enhypen soft hours #jake soft hours #enhypen #sim jake #enhypen reactions #enhypen headcanons #enhypen drabbles #jake drabbles #enhypen angst #jake angst #enhypen timestamps #jake timestamps #enhypen blurbs #jake blurbs #enhypen fanfic #jake fanfic #sim jaeyun

[gyu-effect]

(tryna do) what lovers do || y.jh

"WE ARE JUST TRYNA DO WHAT LOVERS DO”

PAIRING || Jeonghan x Female Reader

GENRES || Fake Dating AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff, Friends To Lovers AU, Rich Kids AU

SUMMARY || When you had roped Jeonghan into your idea of being a ‘pretend’ couple, you did not expect the lie to grow this big. What was supposed to be a one day thing soon became a rather frequent occurrence. And the gravity of the situation did not really hit you until your parents were requesting an audience with your new ‘boyfriend’. Will the two of you be able to keep your act till then?

Or, in which, you keep promising yourself that this would be the last day you pretend to have feelings for Yoon Jeonghan.

SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age

MUSIC || What Lover Do by Maroon 5 and SZA

WARNINGS || Joshua being a menace to the society, one mention of threesome as a joke (I really tried to keep it sfw but this was inevitable really sorry), drunk Jeonghan, a make out scene, probably very wrong elite party etiquettes (don’t come at me pls), a bit of swearing

WORD COUNT || 15k

A/N || As much as I was dying to write this fic, a lot of times I had to stop it because the flow was so bad. I hope it doesn’t affect the outcome so do tell me what you guys think about it! I would love to hear all of your opinions about it! Also for better understanding, Jeonghan’ suit was the one he wore for Don’t Lie Series Pt.2!

TAGLIST || @fragmentof-indifference @millielovescheol @jkbabiey @kokoiinuts @alyssng​ @cecedrake2217 @dr3aluv5 @romeosbreastmilk @y00nzin0      [thank you for being interested! if you wanted to be added to the series taglist or my general taglist, send me an ask!]

“Oh my god, why am I even here?” You sobbed to yourself, as you frantically turned the pages of the thick textbook, searching desperately for anything that could help you in your project. Despite being in the library for the past four hours, you had managed to write only two pages of your five page essay. You cursed yourself mentally for picking such a difficult topic in an attempt to be different from others.

“To get your degree and a job that will secure your future?” Seungkwan replied, as though he hadn’t been complaining about his own work a minute ago.

“Thanks. I wasn’t really sure before why I applied for college but now I definitely am.” You muttered, squeezing your eyes shut as you closed your laptop. As the semester was approaching the end, all the project deadlines had clogged up your calendar and you were pathetically struggling to finish everything on time. 

“You did not ask yourself this question when you were at the party yesterday.” He reminded you, causing you to open your eyes and glare at him. 

“I’ve been to a maximum of three parties throughout this entire semester minus our initiation party. How much more do you want me to quit? If I don’t let out my stress in some way or the other I’m going to combust.”

“Lies. You hate these parties and your stress busting mechanism is to go shopping with Kim Yeri.”

You raised your hands in defeat, but still stuck out your tongue at your best friend. Just because he was right didn’t mean you couldn’t complain and whine to him. 

“Speaking of parties,” he continued after shutting his laptop and looking at you, “What are you going to do about the one next week?”

You stared at him.

“Next week? What party?”

“Min Seolah’s party? She sent an invitation to you?” 

“Ah,” you said, vaguely remembering something in your inbox which you might have deleted out of anger at your pending work. “I just won’t go. Where’s it taking place? Her apartment?”

Now it was Seungkwan’s turn to stare at you.

“You didn’t go through the invitation did you?” He glared at you when you smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s an elite party. And you are expected to have an escort. In more polite terms, a date.” 

You felt your smile dip as soon as you heard the word ‘elite’. You absolutely hated these formal parties. More than boring, they were painful beyond words and talking with all the powerful delegates who were usually present there always exhausted you mentally. 

“Can’t I- can’t we excuse ourselves?”

“Our parents will be there.”

That line hit you like a truck and you finally felt the realisation sink in. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Seungkwan. I-I need to pick a dress! And shoes! And-And an escort! Where the hell am I supposed to get a date?” Even Seungkwan didn’t seem to have an answer for this. You continued your rambling as the panic finally settled in properly. “Oh god. How does one, who had next to zero social interactions outside her friend circle, manage to find a date in less than a week? And how are you so calm about this? Do you want to pretend to be each other’s escorts? Everyone knows there’s nothing between us anyways.”

“Er, about that.” Seungkwan began, awkwardly scratching his neck. “I already have a date.”

For the second time that day, Boo Seungkwan had dropped another bomb on you. You closed your mouth that had been hanging open and edged your chair closer to his suspiciously.

“Wait, what? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“It happened just right before I came into the library!” He began, clearly flustered as he was avoiding your gaze and aimlessly flipping the pages of the book in front of him (it was actually your book, a subject he didn’t even have). “Sowon just- just randomly asked whether I wanted to go with her because she thought I was cool and I was so taken aback, I said yes without even thinking-”

“Is that all it takes to ask you out? Just tell you that you are cool?” You asked, leaning back and grinning at your furiously blushing best friend. You had seen Seungkwan embarrassed (and had sometimes even been the cause of it), but to see him this shy because of some girl from economics seemed worthy to make fun of. In the back of your mind, you made a mental note to tell this to Chan. 

“Are you worried about that? Shouldn’t you be worried about your lack of date, instead?” 

“Yeah…But I’ve got to finish this assignment before.” You always had your priorities right, and getting a degree was definitely one of them. “And I’m hungry.”

“It’s almost lunch time. Want to grab something from the canteen?” Seungkwan asked, checking his watch. You nodded and both of you packed up your things, walking out into the sunlight after what felt like an eternity of being in the dark library. 

No sooner had you stepped out of the threshold, you felt a gush of wind from behind you that nearly knocked you over, but Seungkwan wasn’t that lucky. He stumbled onto the ground as that gush of wind (now identified as Kwon Soonyoung) grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up. Or rather yanked him up.

“Hey! Do you want to die?” Seungkwan yelled, as you blinked and tried to process what had just happened. Then feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips at the sight of Soonyoung nervously apologising to Seungkwan, you gently patted the latter’s back.

“Are you okay?” You asked, his neck visibly red at the sudden tugging of his shirt collar. 

“I highly doubt you should be smiling while asking me that?”

“I- okay I’m sorry.” By now you were grinning. “Drink some water, you should be fine. And Soonyoung, why the hell did you try to knock us out?”

“I wasn’t trying to! I just wanted to surprise Seungkwan from behind but I guess I ran a bit too fast.”

“A bit?” Seungkwan was still massaging his neck. “I bet you would have told that excuse to the judges for attempted murder after getting arrested because my head got dislocated from my spine.”

“Anyways, what do you think they are serving us for lunch?” Soonyoung asked, hastily changing the subject.

Before you or Seungkwan could reply, all of a sudden you realised you had left your jacket on the chair in the library. “Uh, guys I’ll catch up with you in the mess? I left my jacket behind.”

“You don’t want us to wait for you?” Seungkwan asked but you shook your head in negative.

“It’s fine. But don’t forget to save me a seat or else I’ll steal all your tiger plushies Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung faked a look of horror, pulling Seungkwan and breaking into a run. This earned an eye roll from Seungkwan as he waved you goodbye. Giggling at their retreating figure you went back inside the library. Thankfully, it was still there and slipping into it, you quickly walked out again. 

This time when you walked out, you found yourself staring at the couple underneath the willow tree near the library. It was still full of leaves despite it being almost autumn. It was almost cute to see the couple until you remembered your own position; you had to find a date before the week ended.

The sun glared on you and you instinctively took a step back, immediately colliding with someone. The two of you let out an ‘ah!’ as you stumbled back more before you felt the person’s hands on your shoulder, stabilising you.

“I’m so sorry!” You gushed, turning back to look at the person. You found yourself looking up at Yoon Jeonghan’s equally surprised face as he helped you up. “Jeonghan, shit, I’m so sorry. I should have looked.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Are you okay? Don’t walk backwards like that, you might get hurt. Unless, you have Mad-Eye Moody's eyes.” He joked casually and you smiled sheepishly at him. 

Jeonghan was a good friend of yours; he was in your close friends circle and you thoroughly enjoyed his presence (as long as you weren’t the one getting pranked). He also happened to be smart and handsome, a plus point which made him a campus heartthrob. As you took in his appearance, you noticed he had grown out his hair a bit. A gentle wind blew against the two of you and his hair ruffled slightly, sunlight catching his face as he grinned at you.

And then, it struck you.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, as you stared at him, your mouth slightly open. “Don’t tell me there’s sauce on my face and Joshua didn’t tell me about it.”

That snapped you back to the present and you shook your head. “Er, no. Um, Jeonghan?” 

“Yeah?”

You knew for sure he had been invited to the same upscale party as you, but you had to make sure before asking him.

“You don’t have a significant other, do you? Or maybe a crush?”

Now it was time for him to stare at you.

“Uh…no? Where is this coming from?”

“Then do you want to date me?”

Jeonghan stared at you for a good few seconds, as though trying to find out if you were joking. Immediately you realised how sudden you sounded and quickly corrected yourself, while grabbing his arm to calm him down. “I mean, would you like to be my escort for Min Seolha’s party? That is, if you still don’t have anyone?”

“Oh.” Jeonghan laughed awkwardly, before patting your hand. “But you know, you are supposed to get a potential partner as your escort. I mean…”

His voice trailed off and you dropped your hand, feeling slightly embarrassed. You were a bit disappointed, but you could understand where he was coming from and you definitely did not want to pressurise him.

“Ah, of course I understand! Forget I asked. It’s just that, I don’t have anyone in my mind right now so I thought if anyone who was comfortable with me was willing to go-”

“I’m not uncomfortable with you!” He exclaimed, grabbing your hand. “I just- I just thought maybe you would want to go with someone you like. Or…yeah, damn. You are right. Even I don’t have anyone in mind and I definitely can’t find anyone in a week.”

“If it makes you too uncomfortable going with a friend, we can pretend to be a couple.”

The words were out of your mouth before you even thought about it but it was too late to take it back. Jeonghan looked taken aback and you were going to apologise to him once more but instead he nodded at your plan. 

“Oh yeah, that sounds like a good idea. It won’t even raise any odd questions.” 

You didn’t expect Jeonghan to agree to your plan so quickly, let alone the last part so all you could was a flustered laugh. This earned a soft smile from him as he asked you, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” You lied. “Don’t tell me later on it’s a prank, okay?”

His smile fell a little as he pouted at you, immediately causing you to wince at your words. “Hey, just because I cheat at games doesn’t mean I play with people’s emotions.” 

“I know, I know. I was just joking. You are an angel, Jeonghan.” It was true though. He was a very sweet friend and always took care of those around him. In fact at get-togethers, he was always the one who made sure everyone had enough food. He helped with notes or anything related to studies. You did know that he was a really nice person, except when he was trying to be a menace to the society.

“By the way, do we have any rules or something?” He asked.

“Rules?”

“We need to make this a little believable right? Or else people are going to easily realise that we just agreed to be each other's date because we couldn’t find anyone and honestly, that’s a bit embarrassing.” 

“Yeah.” You scratched your neck, not having thought this far. What he was saying was true, if this plan backfired you both could become a laughing stock and the last thing you need in your already full plate was another lecture from your parents.” “Yeah, I think we do.” 

“Then do you want to have lunch in my room?”

“It’s a good thing you got the dorm closest to the library.” You said sarcastically, as you entered his room and finally caught your breath. You collapsed onto his sofa, mentally cursing the building planner for putting the library near the entrance of the campus and some of the boys’ dormitories at the other end. Jeonghan flopped down beside you, equally out of breath despite doing this for quite some time now. 

“Hey, it could have been worse. I could have got an apartment outside the campus and who knows, we might have still been travelling by bus just to get to my place.”

“That’s true.” You grumbled. “But in that case, we would have just gone to my dorm.” 

“I’ll need a special pass to enter the girls’ dorm.” He groaned. “I wish our college wasn’t so strict for first years. Anyways, we should-”

“Hey, have you seen my shampoo?”

A new voice came into the living room and you turned towards it, just to find yourself staring at a half-naked Hong Joshua, standing in front of the bedroom door with just a towel around his torso. You felt your cheek burn as you took in his dripping torso, muscles flexing with almost the slightest movement. At first he hadn’t noticed you but then his eyes locked with yours, causing you to realise what you were doing.

But before you could even look away, you felt Jeonghan’s hands practically slam into your face, covering your eyes from the (amazing) sight you were staring at.

“Hey!” Jeonghan yelped, his voice an octave higher as he too sounded flustered by this. “Why did you come out without checking if anyone was even there? You heard her voice right?”

“I-I- I did not expect-” Joshua stammered and you interrupted him.

“I’m sorry!” You squeaked, still recovering. “I’m sorry that I looked!”

“Uh, no. I shouldn’t have- I should- Yeah, I should just go. Catch up with you guys later!”

Once you heard the bedroom door slam shut, Jeonghan removed his hand from your eyes. You looked at him and he still seemed shocked, and even a bit embarrassed.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He muttered, clearing his throat as he poured out a cup of water for you. You took the cup from his hand with a small thank you, glad that you had something to cool yourself down.

“No. I’m sorry. I should have immediately looked away.”

“It was sudden.” Jeonghan said, as though understanding you completely. He still seemed unable to meet your eyes, and was busy rearranging the coasters kept on the coffee table in front of you, despite them being already arranged properly. Somehow looking at the Yoon Jeonghan like this set off the devilish side inside you. 

“Does Joshua work out everyday?” You asked casually.

“He does. Not only does he have a gym membership, he also has some stuff in his room.” Jeonghan replied, without missing a beat. He seemed to have regained his composure because he smiled at you and asked, “Why? having second thoughts about me and want to go for Joshua?”

“What?” You spluttered over your water, your time to be taken aback. “I- I would never-”

“Relax, I’m just joking. If you are with him, your ears might drop because of him singing ‘Sunday morning, rain is falling’. Who knows, he probably went back to get showered on because it’s not raining today. It is Sunday, after all.”

You stared at him, trying to make which part was real and which wasn’t. Even though his smile was genuine, you had fallen for his tricks quite a few times and you knew better not to trust that angelic smile. But having a proper one on one conversation with him made you realise how convincing he was.

“Er, let’s go back to why I came here. I think we should make some boundaries so that neither of us are uncomfortable with each other and also some points which might convince people we are dating.”

“Right.” Jeonghan said, magically conjuring up a paper and pen from somewhere. “So first of all, I think we should decide on pet names.”

You paused, trying to think of something plausible for him. For some reason, the very thought of having to call him baby or sweetheart in public was making you cringe (and you were sure he would too) so you thought of something that he won't mind being called and at the same time showed your closeness.

Before you could tell him your thoughts, the bedroom door opened once again and Joshua walked out (this time fully clothed and dry). He pulled a chair and sat himself opposite to both of you, giving you an awkward smile.

“Let me apologise again. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable or something.” He said. You shook your head, before giving him your apology too.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stared.” Joshua nodded as though accepting your apology and then pointed at the paper in Jeonghan’s hand. “What are you both up to?”

“We are dating.”

“We are pretending to be a couple”

The two of you said it at the same time, and you felt dumb. You knew Jeonghan and Joshua were best friends but you didn’t expect Jeonghan to tell him this immediately. Letting out an awkward laughter at Joshua, you turned towards Jeonghan who was looking at you surprised.

“I’m sorry, was I not supposed to tell this?” He asked and you quietly grumbled. It wasn’t that you weren’t going to tell Seungkwan either, but you thought maybe it would be after you and Jeonghan had finalised everything and you had sorted your thoughts.

“Er, it’s fine.” You said hastily as Joshua got up to leave. “I think it’s better if you could help us too.” He smiled and sat down, looking excited as though the three of you were planning to pull the greatest prank of all time.

“Joshua’s an expert in this department.” Jeonghan said, and you turned to look at him. His eyes were practically shining as he smiled innocently at his roommate. Looking at him like this, you felt a smile tug at the corner of your lips, something infectious about his childishness.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s just exaggerating.” Joshua said, rolling his eyes. “You know how to flirt as much as I do.”

“Then what do you suggest I should call Y/N?”

“To be honest, I think it would be better if you just call her by her name.” Joshua said, actually thinking hard about it. “Your voice kind of goes soft when you are talking to your loved ones though, so maybe try that instead with Y/N’s name.” 

“Hey Joshua. People call you Josh, right?” You asked very seriously, leaning towards him a bit. He nodded and you continued. “Then should I call you Shua?”

“Hey! We are deciding pet names for each other! Not for you and Joshua!” Jeonghan protested, though he was laughing at your seriousness. Joshua laughed too and gave you a thumbs up, causing you to lean back into the couch, satisfied. 

Then turning towards Jeonghan you said, “Do you mind if I call you Hannie?” 

He cocked his head towards the side as his eyes widened a little. But this time he didn’t look surprised, instead he looked genuinely curious as to why you picked that name, silently urging you to go on.

You felt your cheeks tingle with heat a little at the way he was looking at you attentively, so you quickly took a sip of your water before continuing. “Well, like Joshua said you kind of speak softly with people you are very comfortable with. So I felt…Hannie suited you a lot. I think it’s soft enough to suit you.” You said sheepishly.

“I thought you were calling me Shua?” Joshua interrupted, an evil glint in his eyes. You immediately knew he was going to pull your leg so you decided to play along. “I was joking. I use pet names only for my beloved boyfriend.”

You stressed on the ‘beloved boyfriend’ part and looked at Jeonghan. He was busy scribbling something on the paper but when he heard you accentuate that part, he looked up, eyes flicking between you and Joshua as the whole room stared at him. He looked surprised (this seemed to be the only response you could get out of him today) but nonetheless when his eyes landed on yours, he smiled at you softly.

Sunlight glided into the room through their partially open balcony, throwing light on Jeonghan and giving him almost an angelic glow. His eyes curved into half moons as he smiled at you, his long hair falling in front of his eyes a little. For the first time you noticed how delicate his features were, like he was a beautiful statue but carved in glass. 

You felt your heart stutter a little and you frowned. Looking at the glass of water in your hand, you emptied it one go. Maybe you weren’t drinking enough water? It was afternoon and it had been quite some time since you left your dorm.

“Oh, sorry! I promised you lunch right?” Jeonghan exclaimed, thinking you drank all the water because you were hungry. Before you could respond, he had already gotten up, walking towards some sheafs of pamphlets kept on their tv cabinet. “You like braised chicken, don’t you?”

You blinked at him, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“You always order that when we all eat out.” Jeonghan stated causally. He began flipping all the pamphlets, then finding one particular restaurant’s, he took out his phone and dialled the number. Was Jeonghan always this attentive?

“What about you?” You asked Joshua. He got up and sat beside you. “Jeonghan knows what I usually order. So, can I ask you a question?”

Through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan slip into his bedroom. “Sure, go ahead Shua.”

He grinned at you and leaned in closer, until you could smell the faint scent of his soap. You saw his eyes change to seriousness as his voice dropped a little before asking, “Can I ask why are you and Jeonghan doing this?”

“Oh.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. Here you thought he was going to either flirt with you or let you in on a serious secret about Jeonghan but instead he asked this. You laughed awkwardly to cover up your flusteredness. What are you thinking, Y/N? You are with Jeonghan now! This isn’t the time to think about his best friend and roommate! “Ah, it’s just that we need an escort to Min Seolah’s party next week so me and Jeonghan decided to pretend we are a couple just so that we can be each other’s escort.”

“Ah, then were you open to anyone you were comfortable with?”

“Yeah, as long as the other person too was comfortable with it. It kind of just popped out of my mouth, to be honest.”

He scrunched his nose a little, as though regretting something. “I wish I was there instead of Jeonghan then.”

You blinked at his words, trying to process what he had just said. Had the Hong Joshua said he wished it was him in a fake relationship with you? Sure the two of you were friends but still, it did nothing to stop the sudden whooping feeling in your stomach.

“Too bad it was me then.”

You turned to see Jeonghan leaning against his door frame, grinning at the two of you indicating that he was joking. Immediately you felt guilt clutch at your throat. You had roped Yoon Jeonghan into your proposition of dating but here you were now, flirting with his close friend. 

Joshua, on the other hand, seemed unfazed about it. If anything, he looked amused as he leaned back into the couch lazily, studying Jeonghan’s expression.

“Anyways, they’ll deliver in half an hour's time. Come on, Y/N. We’ve got a lot to discuss.”

“What else?” He was suddenly so serious that you were taken aback slightly. 

“We need to talk about physical touch and kissing too, of course.”

“Kissing?!” 

“So did you two discuss about kissing?” Kim Yeri, your roommate, asked as you threw your face into your pillow to muffle your scream.

“No, I ran out of there before we even got started on that topic. Talking about physical touch itself was so embarrassing, I thought I would die if we started talking about kissing. He’s so serious about it. Why did I even suggest such a thing?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, bestie.” Yeri said comfortingly, patting your back.

“I mean, he’s so nice to me. I feel like…I feel like I’m using him or something.”

“Then don’t use him. Use this opportunity to…ah, you know, get a boyfriend.” You glared at the girl sitting on your bed and she winked at you, causing you to get up and smack her lightly with a pillow.

“No way! This is just an act! How shallow am I to fall for a man who agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

Yeri shrugged, as though it wasn’t a big deal. “Happens all the time in movies. Besides, Yoon Jeonghan isn’t that bad, is he? He’s funny, friendly, handsome and smart. He’s so fucking pretty too. Everyone loves his jokes and pranks.”

“Yeah, as long as you aren’t the one getting pranked.” You muttered, eyes darting to your phone. He had told you to message him once you reached and you had done, but he still hadn’t even read it yet. You mulled Yeri’s thoughts in your head. She was right, Jeonghan was pretty. You had always known that but somehow seeing him against the sunlight made you see him in a different light. Quite Literally. 

“So when’s your next date?”

“It’s not a date…” You began, but stopped when Yeri raised an eyebrow at you. “Fine, we are just going shopping to buy some ‘couple’ things.”

“Sounds like a rather cute date to me.”

“Yeri!”

How the rest of the evening and the next day passed by quickly was shocking to you (you wished time passed this quickly during statistics class but no, time and you had to have a beef with time). You had let Seungkwan into your plan and he had also sworn that he wouldn’t tell it to anyone, even if he was being threatened with not being able to drink iced americano for an entire year (a threat you were highly tempted to try out but alas, you loved your best friend too much). But he was a committed best friend. Seungkwan had even written down some points to make your relationship more realistic and you had hastily stuffed it down your coat’s pocket, so that you could show it to Jeonghan later on.

Very soon, you found yourself and Jeonghan seated on the sofa of the high end boutique near to your college, waiting for the attendants to attend to you both. You were a regular customer here due to your trips with Yeri and even sometimes with Seungkwan, so the shop assistant knew you from before. They had greeted you with their usual friendly smile they always gave you, until their eyes landed on Jeonghan, travelling down to your entwined hands.

Jeonghan had insisted that the two of you hold hands when you enter the shop, saying that it would be a practice. At first you were a bit uncertain, but then he reminded you that it was ideal for your boyfriend to take you shopping, and that shop assistants did not gossip much. You were still not sure about it but nonetheless slipped your hand in his.

His bony fingers grasped your gently as he gave you a smile, pulling you into the boutique with him. Despite his hand being cold, you felt your fingers tingle underneath his touch, a sensation you kept feeling even after he had let go of your hand. 

The attendants looked a bit too elated as they ushered you and Jeonghan into a room, telling they’ll be right back to attend the two of you.

Presently, Jeonghan was bobbing his legs beside you, both of your knees brushing against each other slightly. He seemed unfazed by this and so should have been you, but for some reason this made you hyper aware of your both’s closeness. You could smell his cologne, making you realise you had never really gone shopping with another man who wasn’t, well, Seungkwan. 

It also made you wonder whether he had done this before with someone else. He looked so experienced, the way he just casually checked over some of the items displayed, as though he had a habit of buying what caught his eyes for his significant other.

“Have you done this before?” You asked, and he looked at you confused, blinking as though asking you to elaborate. “I mean,” you said after clearing your throat. For some reason you were feeling very awkward asking him this, almost feeling the heat tingle on your cheeks. “Have you gone on a date to the boutique to buy couple clothes?” 

“Ah, no. This is my first time actually.” He said with a soft smile. You felt relief settle in you as you automatically smiled back at him, before catching yourself. What are you doing? You screamed internally, wondering why Jeonghan was so soft with you. 

You realised that the way he smiled and the way he talked to you had always given you this mad urge to melt right then and there in front of him, as though you just couldn't bring yourself to be harsh with him. True, you had yelled at him a few times for cheating (quite blatantly at that) while playing games but it had always ended in laughter and giggles, as though you couldn’t stay angry at him for long.

He gave you the urge to stare at him for hours, studying and etching his features into your brain forever, as though he was a piece you would have to sculpt later on. It amazed you that no matter how many times you looked at him, you always found him beautiful as though it was the first time you had laid your eyes on him.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the shop assistant, asking what the two of you would like.

“Can we get clothes which complement each other? Like even subtly is fine for us.” Jeonghan asked.

Hell, he even had an amazing voice. He was so well mannered that you were sure if you had met Jeonghan at one of your parent’s parties instead, you would have fallen heads over heels with him. 

“Not matching couple clothes?”

“No. Something which complements each other would be better. What do you think, Y/N?”

To be honest, you thought that was a genius idea. In that way, you could even wear the dress after your ‘breakup’, without making things awkward. Leave it to Yoon Jeonghan to sort out everything just perfectly. 

“Yeah, I think that is a brilliant idea too. Oh, we also need to pick your suit and my dress for the party.” You reminded him.

“Do you want to choose for each other?”

“What?” The question had completely caught you off guard. Wasn’t picking dresses for each other something couples did? You both really didn’t need to act as a couple too much here, so why was he suggesting it?

“We don’t have to do it, if you are feeling awkward about it.” He said gently. If Yoon Jeonghan treated you sweetly one more time, you were sure you would start smiling at him like a fool constantly. Then his eyes lit up mischievously and he leaned in, as though about to tell you his biggest secret. “But I do have a great fashion choice.”

You let out a laugh at this, amused that that was what he had wanted to say. Smiling at him you shook your head, indicating that he could choose for you.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked, looking at dresses hanging on the hangers being rolled in front of the two of you. 

“I like pink. Or any light shade, actually.” 

“Then how’s this one?” He pointed at one of the pink gowns that had caught your eyes previously, and you nodded eagerly at him.

“I’ll try that out!” You said as you walked into the changing room, glad that both of your tastes had aligned well. Once you were done you stepped out, clearing your throat to get Jeonghan’s attention, who was busy on his phone. He looked up and froze for a second, before his eyes darted all over your figure, checking you out with his mouth slightly open.

You felt your cheeks flush at the way he was looking at you, the way he swallowed and then smiled at you gently. Your stomach fluttered at his action, unable to stop yourself from mirroring his smile. Jeonghan got up and walked over to you, grinning at you as he cocked his head towards the side slightly.

And for some reason, that action made you feel even more giddy.

“How do I look?” You asked, sounding breathless for some reason. Embarrassed, you tried to cover it up by pretending to be excited, and twirling in front of the mirror once to see for yourself.

“You look amazing. Like really, really beautiful.”

He sounded really genuine and you beamed at him, equally happy that both of you chose a dress that suited you very well. You had been called beautiful many times, mostly by men trying to flatter you or your father, but something about the way Jeonghan said it made you shy.

“Should we choose one for you?” You asked once you came back from the changing room, eyeing all the tuxedos that had been brought in now. Jeonghan nodded and you walked over to the rack, searching for one that would bring out his delicate features more beautifully.

“How about this one?” You asked, pointing at a white coloured one. It looked like a conductor’s tuxedo and you felt that it would really go well with his long hair. He nodded and went inside the changing room, while you sat down on the couch, waiting for him to return.

“Y/N?” Someone softly called you, and you looked up to see Jeonghan smiling at you, all dressed up in the outfit you had picked for him. He was just smiling, an expression he gave you quite often and honestly it shouldn’t have had much effect on you, it really shouldn’t. You should have just smiled back, complimented him, paid for your stuff and gone out to eat a round of ice cream that you had promised him.

But instead, it had a great effect on you.

Just Yoon Jeonghan standing there and smiling at you had a huge effect on you. It made time slow down as you felt your heart hammer loudly in your chest, squeezing painfully every now and then. If you hadn't been sitting down your knees might have given away, breath gone for a second as you admired for the millionth time how beautiful he was. 

Because he really was. He looked so handsome, so pretty and so- every adjective that you could think of but couldn’t really because of how goddamned ethereal he looked right now. It was like the suit was tailor made for just him. He looked like a prince straight out from your dreams and it took you all your willpower to stop fluttering in your heart.

Realising you were staring at him for too long, you looked away immediately, releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Your cheeks burned in shame at the effect he had on you, despite it being just the second time you had hung out with him after deciding to fake your relationship. 

You had known him for quite some time, it wasn’t like the two of you had become friends just yesterday. 

And yet, you felt like you were ‘rediscovering’ Jeonghan. Like his smile for example. Even though you knew he was pretty, nothing prepared you ever for the sudden flutters in your heart everytime he smiled at you. Or the way he smelled a bit too good, when he had come to pick you up earlier, like he had just stepped out of the shower.

“Y/N?” Jeonghan called you, jostling back to the present. His usual angelic smile was now replaced by a smirk, and you groaned internally and cursed yourself for digging up your own grave. Why did you have to stare at him like that? “Do I look so good that I left you speechless?”

“Shut up, Yoon. You look fine.” You emphasised on the ‘fine’, rolling your eyes so that he got your message but that just caused him to grin at you more.

Nope. Nope. There was no way you were developing feelings for Yoon Jeonghan. Definitely not after you knew how sinister he was and definitely not after you asked him to be your fake boyfriend. You didn’t want to inflate his ego by making him think that he could make you fall for him by just literally breathing, all the while he played the act of being your fake date.

Slowly you got up from your seat and walked past him casually, letting the shop owner know that you were ready to pay. 

You were determined to not let Jeonghan’s presence shake you. It’s just for a week, Y/N. After that the two of you can just go back to being friends and this stupid crush you might be developing will go away.

What you didn’t though, was that you were bad at predicting the future. Vey, very bad.

“Hey, I think both Joshua and Jeonghan have a thing for you. Ever considered being in a poly relationship?” Seungkwan whispered into your ears not-so-subtly.

You glared at him for this scandalous comment before quickly glancing at Jeonghan and Joshua sitting opposite to the two of you. Luckily, they both were busy with their midterm project and were discussing something while comparing notes on their laptops.

The promised ice cream ‘date’ of three days ago had to be cancelled because it had begun raining all of a sudden and neither of you wanted to get wetter than what you were when you ran into the bus stand. So you had promised to take him to the little cafe inside your campus instead, and Joshua and Seungkwan decided to tag along to act as ‘chaperones’, though you weren’t sure what they were chaperoning because both you and Jeonghan had lots of assignments left and had been planning to do your own work.

“Shut up, Boo!” You hissed, never wanting to murder your best friend more than right now. “What if they heard you?”

“What about it? Both of them know that everyone wants to have a threesome with them.”

“Have a threesome with whom?”

You turned to Joshua in horror, feeling embarrassment creep into your cheeks as he eagerly looked between the two of you. Jeonghan on the other hand looked surprised, as though not even sure what the conversation was about.

“Have a threesome with whom? Us?” Joshua asked again, his smile a bit too excited for his own good. You thought he would be uncomfortable with it but instead he looked excited about this conversation, causing you to groan as you buried your face in your hand.

“Stop acting like you don’t know! Don’t rub it on me that the two of you are more handsome than me!” Seungkwan sulked, giving his signature side eye to Joshua. But that just caused Joshua to smile more brightly at him, as though Seungkwan’s misery was his pleasure (which it probably was).

“I’m not rubbing it on you! I might be handsome but there’s no one cuter than you, Seungkwan. Right, Y/N?” You faked a look of disgust and pretended to puke over your drink. Though you wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you were even willing a fight a lion if it disagreed that your best friend was adorable and handsome (you dearly hoped it wouldn’t come down to that situation. The last time all of you went to the zoo, Minghao and Jihoon nearly pushed Soonyoung into the tiger’s den for claiming to be one so you learnt that whatever you told, your friends would try their level best to make it come true).

“Are you two flirting? Is this a double date?” Jeonghan asked, head turning between Joshua and Seungkwan as though he was watching a tennis match. 

“No way, I’m only going to date the person who calls me Shua, no one else.” 

Your eyes widened at his statement and you gulped in a huge amount of your drink, causing you to choke and violently cough. While Seungkwan and Joshua just laughed at you (you were literally dying and of course that would be the immediate response of the people you called friends), Jeonghan looked worriedly at you and reached out to gently pat your hand. You felt your breathing slowly ease down due to his action, and he grabbed your hand in his to gently rub circles with his thumb.

It was a rather small act from a friend who just cared about you. Nothing romantic or intimate at all, and yet you felt a warm fuzzy feeling grow at your heart. He smiled at you gently when you had completely stopped coughing, pouring a cup of water and handing it to you.

You were grateful for the drink and you took in a sip cautiously, your mind still wandering to the now disappearing feeling in your chest. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the waitress who came to your table, and you recognised her as someone you might have seen talking to your Applied Physics - I professor. She gave you, Seungkwan and Joshua a half-assed smile, but when her eyes landed on Jeonghan, she smiled at him in the most glamorous way ever.

“So what can I get you guys now?” She asked. Miyeon, as her name tag stated, was clearly talking to the entire table yet her eyes were trained only on Jeonghan. You saw him return her smile politely, and you felt your insides churn a little.

Because it was the same smile he always gave you. The same goddamn smile that had you feeling that you were on cloud nine, that made you shy and that same smile that made you feel special.

So he wasn’t doing it just for you? 

You never thought you would ever be jealous over something this trivial. You didn’t even like him in that way and yet, you could almost feel the disappointment clutching at your heart almost a bit too tightly.

It then hit you that the only expression Jeonghan had given you so far was either his look of surprise or a smile, but nothing more than that. Whenever he was hanging out with the entire gang or even now when it was just Joshua, you and Seungkwan, he had been laughing and cracking lots of jokes. But when he was with you all alone, all he did was smile and give you compliments, as though the two of you had just met due to a blind date set up by your parents. 

Did you make Jeonghan that uncomfortable? Was he too nice to say no to your idea back then?

But the Jeonghan you knew wasn’t a pushover, so he must have thought about it a bit before agreeing, right? You are just overthinking everything. You chided yourself. 

Your further thoughts were all stopped when you noticed everyone at the table staring at you. 

“Your order?” Miyeon asked, annoyance evident in her voice.

“Er, I would like to have your Special Strawberry Jam Sandwich. And another cup of coffee please.”

“Got it.” Then turning back towards Jeonghan, she said, “So that’s your order too? Not your regular?”

Jeonghan nodded as the word regular whirled in your brain. He visited this cafe often? Had he- had he lied to you then?

The rest of the meal passed by in a blur, with the three boys doing the most of the talking. You joined in once or twice but mostly stayed to yourself, contemplating hard on what to do next.

It wasn’t that you were crushing on Jeonghan and that was making you sad. It was more like you didn’t want him to feel extremely uncomfortable around you, seeing how he had clearly lied to you about the cafe and treated you just the way he treated any other person on the street.

Soon it was time to leave and the four of you walked out of the cafe. But before you could part ways with the boys, Jeonghan grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“I want to talk to you.” He said and you nodded, realising that it would be better if even you got all your questions cleared up. Through the corner of your eyes you saw Seungkwan take out his phone and hastily type down something, and felt your phone vibrate almost immediately after he hit the send button.

Taking out your phone you checked his message, feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips. 

[uriboo]: if yoon jeonghan tries anything funny, just send sos. no matter where i am, i’ll kick his ass using my special kick reserved for soonyoung only.

You gave him a thumbs up and waved him goodbye, watching Joshua and Seungkwan’s retreating figures disappear round the corner. It was almost evening by now and the sky had turned a light shade of orangish pink. You stared it for some time until you felt Jeonghan tug you once more.

“Come on. Let’s talk there.” He asked, pointing at one of the benches farther away from the walking path. “No one will hear us there.” You nodded and followed him, sitting down beside him. A few moments passed as the two of you just watched students walk by, neither of you taking the lead to start the conversation.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked after some time, and you turned to look at him dryly.

“I’m…fine. Okay, I guess. Just a bit tired.”

“No…what’s wrong? Did someone say something? Did I hurt you?”

There he went again.

You turned to glare at him but the look of concern on his face was enough to stop you. He looked really worried for you, and even reached out to grab your hand and give it a squeeze. You gulped to stop the way your heart fluttered at his actions, reminding yourself of what you had to ask him.

“Why…why did you lie to me?” You asked, swallowing thickly once more so that you didn’t sound hurt. But your voice still sounded strangled, and if Jeonghan had noticed it, he didn’t show it.

“Are you talking about the cafe?” He asked gently, and you nodded slowly.

“When I said I would take you out to a new place and mentioned its name too, you didn’t tell me you already went there. The waitress mentioned that you were a regular there!” It almost sounded like you were whining by this point.

Jeonghan blinked at you once, twice and then burst out laughing. “Is that what is bothering you?”

Pulling your hand away from his, you swatted his arm lightly, feeling hurt at his reaction. “It’s not funny! I literally gushed to you about the strawberry sandwich, saying that if you tried it you would forget every other sandwich when you had probably tried it a million times before. Do you know how embarrassing it is? It's so embarrassing that I bragged about something you already knew, it makes me look like a show off.”

“Ah, but I had never actually tried the strawberry sandwich before.” He said, taking your hand in his again. “I really had never tried it before, which is why I didn’t say anything. Besides, you looked so cute when you were talking about the cafe and I really didn’t want you to stop.”

You froze a little, taken aback by his last statement. Quickly, you tried to change the subject, hoping he wouldn’t notice the sudden heat forming on your cheeks.

“I-I- Okay. I-I have a few more questions to ask, if you don’t mind. Or…you can go first about whatever you wanted to talk about.”

“Go ahead. I finished asking mine. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with you.” 

“Oh.” So it was the typical Jeonghan-cares-for-you question. “Er, are you and the waitress close? Um, what’s her name? Miyeon?”

“Not that close.” He replied nonchalantly. “She had helped me with some physics homework once, that’s all. And oh, also because I visit the cafe regularly.”

“I think she likes you.”

“Yeah me too.” He smirked when you stared at him. “Jealous?”

“Jealous of whom? You?” You countered back, keeping your expression as neutral as you could. You weren’t, couldn’t be jealous and you weren’t going to show him that you were either. He laughed at your comeback and you felt yourself smile, feeling pleased that he had enjoyed your retort. 

“Point. Miyeon is pretty. But just so you know, she had asked me today whether I could hang out with her sometime later.”

“When did this happen? What did you say?” Even though you knew Jeonghan probably said yes, you still wanted to hear the answer from him.

“I said you were my girlfriend, what else? It happened when you had gone to the bathroom and she got the bill to the table. She then even asked why were you sitting beside Seungkwan if you were my girlfriend.”

“And what did you guys say then?”

“Seungkwan said ‘bros before hoes’.”

You rolled your eyes, questioning yourself why you even thought your best friend might have given a smart answer. “Of course he did. Can I ask you one more question?”

“You are asking an awful lot of questions, aren’t you?” He smiled at you, his eyes glinting in a teasing manner.

“It’s the last one! Please, Hannie?”

It was the first time you were using the nickname and you could swear you saw him tense for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone as soon as it had come. Instead, he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, indicating you to go. You had almost forgotten that the two of you were still holding hands, and this squeeze seemed to suddenly liven the atmosphere around the two of you, as though reminding you of his presence.

“Do you…find it uncomfortable to be with me?”

His smile faltered, clearly caught off guard by your question.

“I mean, do I make you feel uncomfortable? Like…did you say yes to being my boyfriend just because you didn’t want to refuse me and make me feel bad or-”

“Why would I do that? Shit, do I act like that around you? You aren’t someone new Y/N. You have been my friend for quite some time. Why would I feel uncomfortable around you? And I didn’t say yes because I felt bad for you. We both needed escorts and that’s why I said yes.”

“Then why do you act so differently when you are around me?” You asked, releasing your hand from his grasp. “Like, like you always look like you are enjoying yourself when we are with our friends but whenever it's just the two of us, you act just so sweet and nice. That’s about it. Just- just sweet and nice. Like how you are to Miyeon.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, as though thinking before answering your question.

“It’s not that I don’t like you Y/N. And I definitely didn’t say yes because I thought you were pathetic or something. Really. It’s just that…I don’t know how this works either.”

“How does what work?” You asked, your voice much softer than you expected. Jeonghan leaned in to you a bit closer, and for the first time you saw him beyond the smiles and jokes he made. He looked tired, really tired as though this act was wearing him out too.

“I-I’m not sure what kind of boyfriend you want. I’m not sure whether I should treat you like a friend and crack jokes about the most useless thing or treat you like a princess like your boyfriend probably would. I don’t know how much to step out of the line of being friends. I don’t know what is the line that oversteps from fake boyfriend to real boyfriend. I…just don’t know what to do most of the time.”

This time, you took his hand in yours, giving them a gentle squeeze. He looked up at you and you smiled softly at him, trying to ease down all the pressure he had been feeling for the past few days. 

You were such an idiot. How could you expect him to act normally when you had just dumped a huge burden over his shoulder?

“Jeonghan…it’s okay. You are doing great, you know that? And sometimes, when I look at you, I wish I could be more like you. You don’t need to treat me as your girlfriend, really. Like I said, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Just treat me as a friend, okay? And if you ever want to stop, just tell me. I’ll always be there for you.”

He gulped and nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact even once. Your heart gave a painful squeeze when he still didn’t look away, all of a sudden feeling that your entire surrounding had melted away.

You could only feel his soft gaze on you, almost feeling raw and exposed and yet, even you couldn’t look away.

“I would never leave you.” Jeonghan whispered, almost mumbling as he finally tore away his gaze. 

“Why? Is this arrangement proving to be useful to you too?” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah it did help me escape from Miyeon.”

“So I’m your scapegoat now?” You asked scandalously, letting go of your hands so that you could grab him by the shoulder and glare properly. He grinned at you, back to his playful nature. You felt your heart swell by the way he giggled, the infectious laughter causing you to smile too despite trying to sound mad at him.

“Hey, aren’t friends supposed to protect each other like that?”

“Not- not- I- okay whatever!”

“Er, do you see Seungkwan?” You asked Yeri, eyes scanning the crowd for your best friend. The loud noise from the booming speaker was making it almost impossible to hear your roommate, so you turned to her, only to find yourself standing alone in a crowd of drunk bodies. You groaned internally as Yeri was your designated driver today, and you prayed that wherever she went, she wouldn't end up drunk like she had last time.

Byun Baekhyun, a senior known for his loudness and great ambition to wreck chaos wherever he went had decided to throw a party for the first years as a celebration for completing the first term without losing their sanity (which was clearly a lie; you were close to losing your mind). 

“How am I supposed to find anyone- Hey! Yuna!” Grabbing the hands of the said girl, you felt familiarity rush in when she turned to you and gave you a smile.

“Hey, Y/N. You look great. Dressed up for someone special?”

“As if. Have you seen Seungkwan anywhere? I just can’t find him.”

At this she snickered. “Seungkwan? Are you sure you are searching for him?”

You frowned at her. When she saw that you didn’t understand what she was indicating, she smiled at you and beckoned you to come closer. “Are you sure,” she whispered in your ear, the slight smell of alcohol wafting to your nose, “you aren’t looking for Jeonghan?”

You drew back from her sharply, all of a sudden feeling hot. How does she know? Does word travel that fast? Of course it does. When Yuna saw that you didn’t say anything, she let out a laugh and patted your shoulder before pointing at the corner.

Giving her a tight lipped smile, you followed the direction of her finger though you weren’t really sure whether she had pointed to Seungkwan or Jeonghan.

“Thank god!” You exhaled, when you saw Seungkwan and Chan sitting on a couch in the corner of the room, and you quickly slipped in between them. 

“Thank God for what?” Seungkwan asked.

“Nothing. Yuna’s drunk. Where are the others?” You asked, taking a sip of the solo cup Seungkwan had just handed you. You found it odd that it was just Seungkwan, Chan and you here because usually your entire gang of friends used to stick together to have fun at parties.

“Ah, that.” Chan snickered. “Your boyfriend might or might not have caused a little bit of a problem.”

“What? What happened?” You asked, turning your head to look at Seungkwan and Chan alternatively. To say you weren’t concerned would be a lie. And it was definitely not because Jeonghan was your faux boyfriend.

“Er, so Jeonghan might or might not have got his toy sword and wooden hammer with him to the party-” Seungkwan began.

“He got what?”

“You know, his toy sword-”

“I knew about his toy sword but not his wooden hammer.”

“It's for self defence against bad guys at night, apparently.” Chan added, causing you to groan. 

“What happened then?”

“I think someone made some comment about you and he decided as your boyfriend, mind you the entire college knows now, he had to defend your honour. He even gave the opponent his wooden hammer because he wasn’t armed.” Seungkwan finished, calmingly taking a sip of his drink like it was completely natural for Jeonghan to fight for your honour.

You looked at Chan incredulously and he too had the same expression. “He’s joking right?”

“Jeonghan was drunk. Like really, really drunk when it started.”

“How did he get this drunk so quickly?”

“Sweetheart, the party started an hour ago. Not everyone remembers their incomplete inorganic homework five minutes before leaving.” Seungkwan stated, causing you to glare at him.

“So where are the others?”

“Well, the challenge was made just before you came and Jeonghan went upstairs to ‘duel’. Seungcheol, Mingyu, Minghao and  Seokmin followed him upstairs to stop him while the rest followed him to egg on him.”

Chan got up, followed by you and Seungkwan. “We were just waiting for you. I bet your lover boy is dying to see your face.”

“Shut up Chan.” Your face was practically burning by now. But this was what you had wanted, right? To make everyone think you both were a couple? “Please tell me we are going upstairs so that both of you can join the team that stops him and not eggs on him?”

Seungkwan gave you a dirty look. “How low do you think we are? Of course we are going to egg him on.”

“Fucking hate you all.”

Luckily, upstairs wasn’t that crowded but it still took the three of you some pushing around to reach the centre. The scene that met your eyes nearly turned you blood cold. The other guy, you recognised him as a senior from your major, had Jeonghan on his knees as he gripped his shirt collar. He was yelling profanities at Jeonghan, but he was too out to even listen to him. You saw that his lip had split open and his right eye looked bruised.

“Why aren't you stopping him?” You hissed to Seungcheol. You noticed that even though all your friends were there, none of them were cheering for the fight to continue. In fact, they all looked scared now

.

“We can’t. He’s a senior and he said- he said if we stop him then he’s going to hurt Jeonghan more!” Seungcheol himself looked terrified and you gritted your teeth angrily. It was true. If a senior ragged you, there was nothing you could do except accept your fate.

You heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh; loud, and both you and Seungcheol turned to see Jeonghan on the floor, the senior’s hand balled in a fist. At that moment, something snapped inside you and you found yourself walking towards him.

“Y/N, wait-” Seungkwan began worriedly but it was too late. Everything happened so fast but all you vaguely remembered was yanking the senior by hair and landing a slap on his cheeks. Since he was drunk that slap was enough to cause him to lose his balance, and you just shoved him into the ground.

Turning around, you picked up Jeonghan’s sword and hammer before turning to the groaning boy. Gently tugging one arm over your shoulder, you tried pulling him up. It was a bit hard, considering he was drunk and hurt and using you completely as support, but then his weight lightened on you and you turned to see Joshua slinging his other arm around his neck.

“Let me help you.” He muttered. The crowd parted away easily and before you knew it, the three of you were outside. It was a bit hard dragging Jeonghan all the way to the dorm and the only reason you managed to do it was because Joshua was bearing his maximum weight. 

Finally, you reached their room and pulled Jeonghan onto his bed. The two of you sat down beside him, trying to catch your breaths. Glancing at Jeonghan’s resting figure, you felt your heart clench painfully. 

Moonlight streamed into the room, lighting up his face in an almost angelic glow and yet the blows he had received were painfully visible.

“Thank you.” You heard Joshua mutter, and you looked up at him. He too was looking at Jeonghan sadly, as though he had been punched too. Then he looked at you and gave you a soft smile. “Thank you for stepping up.”

“It’s nothing.” You huffed. “I just did what I had to do for a friend. I’m not blaming you guys though!”

“Still. It was a really brave thing to do. But are you sure about that?”

“About what?”

Joshua leaned in until your faces were just a few inches apart. You tried backing away but the headboard hit you and you were left with no space to move. He smirked at you before speaking. 

“Are you sure about Jeonghan being, you know, just a friend?”

You stared at him with your mouth slightly open, slowly thinking of what he had said.

Jeonghan was a friend, right? You had come in terms with him a few days ago and had convinced yourself that he was a friend. You would step into a fight for any of your friends, right?

A groan from beside you interrupted your thoughts and both of you turned to see Jeonghan staring at you with half opened eyes. 

“Y/N.” He whispered your name with a small smile, wincing almost immediately when the cut on his lips stung. His eyes travelled along your body before it landed on Joshua. He frowned at the said man, as though trying to comprehend something.

“Joshua.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

He blinked several times before staring at something between the two of you. Then he tried getting up by propping up his elbows which gave away immediately, causing his head to land on your lap instead. You stiffened at the closeness but figured he was too drunk and hurt to even overthink this situation.

“Why are you two always so close? Everytime I’m gone, the two of you are almost always together.” He sounded almost hurt. You tried making sense of what he meant by that but Joshua just laughed.

Getting up, he said, “I’ll leave the two of you alone. If he tries something, call me. I’ll be in my bedroom. Oh also, try thinking about what I told you before.” Giving you a wink, he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

“What did he tell you?” Jeonghan asked, turning on your lap so that he was facing you now. His hair was sticking to his forehead due to the sweat, the jet black colour appearing almost dark blue under the moonlight. You hissed when you saw his wounds up close, gently brushing his hair away from his face.

He caught your wrist as his eyes fluttered open, staring at you before repeating his question. “What did Joshua tell?”

“Nothing, you idiot. Jeonghan, why the hell did you get into a fight? Do you know where you keep your medicines? I’ll get them-”

“No.” His grip on your hand tightened as he brought it over his chest, clasping it with his both hands now. “He made fun of you.”

Maybe it was the way he said it with so much hurt in his voice or maybe it was the way he looked like a prince underneath the moonlight, but you felt your breath catch your throat. Your heart gave a painful squeeze and then stuttered, as you watched his gentle features stare back at you softly.

It felt like time had stopped as you stared at Yoon Jeonghan lying on your lap, realising how beautiful he was. And no, it wasn’t like the other times you had realised it. This time, it felt painful, as though he had sucked out all your breath and had caused your heart to swell with this overwhelming emotion. 

It made you feel good, and you felt yourself craving for that feeling more.

“That doesn’t mean you’ll get into a fight with everyone. Look how hurt you are, Hannie.” You whispered softly. To be honest you weren’t sure why you were whispering, but as you gently stroked his hair with your free hand, it felt right talking to him softly.

He let out a harsh breath as he slowly raised on hand towards your face, causing you to freeze. You felt his fingers ghost your lips, and you almost leaned in to feel his touch. You felt your stomach lurch when your eyes met his, that feeling in your heart growing stronger as he refused to touch you yet.

“Love it when you call me that.” His voice had dropped an octave, and you nearly let out a squeak at his sudden sultry voice. Finally, you felt his long slender fingers grasp at your chin and his thumb brushed against your lips, giving you the contact your body was almost burning for. Your eyes fluttered close as he gently ran his thumb over your lips. “Love it so much I would give up ‘most everything to get you to call me that.”

You are drunk. He’s even more drunk. What do you think you are doing?

Your eyes snapped open at that realisation and you jerked away from his touch, his hand just falling limply to his side.

“We are drunk, Han- Jeonghan. We shouldn’t- I shouldn’t be doing this to you.” You told him as softly as you could, gently sliding his head off your lap onto the pillow. He had fallen asleep and now the only sound in the room that could be heard was his breathing; and the abnormally loud hammering of your heart. 

Slowly, you covered him with his blanket and kept his toy sword and hammer beside him before you snuck out of his room. Then closing the door behind you, you rested your back against it, taking a moment to catch your breath and calm down your racing heart.

If you weren’t sure about it before, you definitely were now. It was glaringly obvious to you, no matter how much you tried to push your feelings away.

You were in love with Yoon Jeonghan. 

It’s fine. You thought to yourself. I just need to pretend I don’t have feelings for him until tomorrow. Once we go about our own ways, I can bawl my eyes out to Seungkwan.

“Miss?” The maid asked cautiously, and you looked at her annoyed, silently asking her to go on. “Your escort, Mr. Yoon, is here.” 

Wordlessly you got up, glancing at the mirror one last time to check your gloves and hair. Annoyance creeped into your features when you realised it didn’t even matter actually. Then you walked out of your house, making sure you shut the door behind you with a bang.

Walking out into the garden of your parent’s manor, you saw Jeonghan waiting for you, leaning against the limousine. His face broke into a grin when he saw you approaching, but it faltered when he realised you weren’t exactly smiling back at him.

“Hey.” He said, as he opened the door for you to enter.

“Hi.” You said curtly, bunching up your gown in the most careless manner and getting in the car, shutting the door before he could. He wordlessly got in through the other side, indicating the chauffeur to start.

A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke.

“Is…something wrong?”

You turned to glare at him, expecting him to look annoyed at your annoying attitude. Or even confused. But instead, he looked concerned.

Immediately you felt bad at being angry at him for something he didn’t even do. 

No. It wasn’t that you felt bad, it was more like his worried look had thrown you off your anger, feeling tears sting your eyes instead now.

“You can tell me about it. Or you don’t have to. But I’m all ears, anytime you need me.” Gently, he took your hands in his and gave it a squeeze, smiling at you softly. 

“I- Just- You look good today.” You choked out, trying to change the subject without looking too pathetic in front of him. How down bad were you for him that one worried glance caused you to break the dam of emotion that had been building up since morning.

But it was true. He did look good. The suit made him look more ethereal, and it did nothing to stop your heart from accelerating at that speed. 

His lips pulled into a smile, You noticed that his lips had almost healed, and the cut couldn’t really be seen unless you stared at it (which you definitely weren’t; because why would you stare at him?) 

“What can I say? I’m so pretty that I look good at everything.”

“Or I have a great choice of clothing.”

Jeonghan laughed and counter argued, but you were too busy staring at the way he laughed to listen to his banter. The way he displayed his teeth every time he smiled and the way his eyes crinkled at the corner when he laughed seemed to be pulling at your heartstrings. And the fact that he was gently rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb, sending electricity through your arm.

“I could help lighten whatever’s causing a frown on that pretty face of yours.”

His flirty comment brought you back to the present, quickly turning your head away to stare at the buildings speeding past the two of you instead. You felt the bitterness come back but it was much less than before as Jeonghan had helped you feel much light hearted.

“You’ll see once you reach there.” You muttered, and through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan nod. The car came to a halt in front of a mansion, indicating that you had arrived at your destination.

“Y/N this is your last chance.” Jeonghan said. You blinked at him in confusion. “This is your last chance to change your partner to Joshua.”

Suppressing the laughter threatening to escape from you, you pretended to think. “Well…so far it’s still a no. But if I see Shua looks more handsome than you…then well, I can’t guarantee you I’ll be sleeping with you tonight.”

There was a rule of elite parties that required couples to sleep in for the night, which was why you had wanted to choose a familiar face in the first place.

Jeonghan pouted at you and you laughed, but immediately caught yourself when you felt your heart flutter. You couldn’t let this feeling grow. The two of you were just actors in a play and actors could never fall in love with each other.

Two of you walked over to your assigned room and only then did you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. You had met just a few people on your way here and the two of you had responded to all of them with small smiles, and you were greatly aware of Jeonghan’s arm around your waist.

“What do you want to do now?” Jeonghan, already lying down on the double bed. You narrowed your eyes as he kicked off his shoes and wrapped the blanket around himself. “What?” He asked when he saw you. “I’m tired, okay? Just wake me up half an hour before the party starts so that I can look a bit more presentable.”

“Okay? I, uh, I’m just going to look around, okay?” Saying that, you switched off the light for him and slipped out, wondering where you should go next. You vaguely remembered a fountain in one of the gardens from the one time you had come here with your parents and decided to search for it.

It took you some time but eventually (after a lot of checking through balconies whether it was the correct side of the garden) you managed to find it. But as you reached there, you saw someone already seated on its edges. You couldn't make out who it was, so you decided to leave. You stopped on your tracks and took a step back, only to step on a twig.

The twig snapped with a loud thwack! which was heard loud and clear in the silent garden. The boy sitting turned to look at you, his expression changing from shock to happiness as he recognised you.

“Y/N.” Joshua greeted you, patting at the stone beside him. “Come and join me.”

Knowing you were trapped, you had no other option but to go and sit down beside him. Not that you didn’t like his companion but you really didn’t want to lash out your anger at another innocent soul.

“Hi.”

“You look pretty.” Joshua commented, to which you just smiled. The words that he had told you yesterday seemed to ring in your head now. Did he mean this? About your feelings towards Jeonghan?

“Joshua?” You asked, clearing your throat. “Yesterday…what did you mean by that?”

“It’s no fun if I tell you. Did you think about it?” The familiar mischievous glint was back in his eyes. 

“I did…a little.”

“Then you know what I’m talking about-”

“I don’t like him.” You cut him off and then upon seeing his amused look, you added, “Not in that way. He’s just a friend who agreed to help me. I don’t have feelings for him at all.” 

“Well…everyone can tell you both are perfect for each other. No one even doubts for a second that the two of you aren’t.”

You just sighed, fluttering your eyes close as you let the night breeze calm you down a little. It’s okay. You thought to yourself. Everything will be okay once he isn’t pretending to be your boyfriend anymore. Once he is gone, these feelings would go too.

Yes. That was it. Maybe you were too immersed in your role of pretending and had let your emotions take control of you. Maybe you had thought that pretending to have feelings for him would make this much easier on both of you.

A small part of you kept screaming that lying to yourself won’t change this situation, but that didn’t stop you from saying your next line as you opened your eyes to look at the man sitting next to you with a smile.

“There’s nothing between the two of us. We are just…tryna do what lovers do.” 

You remembered how Jeonghan had used you as a scapegoat to turn down Miyeon. Yes, that was the main purpose, wasn’t it? This whole relationship was built on a lie, just meant to be used and thrown for such situations.

“Joshua? Y/N?”

You froze at the familiar voice and judging from Joshua's expression, even he wasn’t expecting it. You turned back to see Jeonghan looking at the two of you. He was smiling but there was something off about it. 

Joshua got up and walked up to him, before leaning in to whisper something in Jeonghan’s ear. Then waving you a goodbye, he walked off, leaving you and Jeonghan all alone. Jeonghan came and sat down beside you, though he maintained a little distance.

“Did you- did you overhear our conversation?” You asked, confused at this sudden change in behaviour.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “What’s there to overhear? I already know that. I already know that we are doing this for show.” He spoke curtly and you frowned.

Did you hurt him by any chance? But what you said was the truth, right?

“Are you okay? Did I say something?”

He let out a hollow laugh, before forcing a smile at you. “No, it’s not you. It’s all my fault really. It’s all my fault that this is happening and I’m sorry about it.”

“Jeonghan, you are acting weird.”

“Says the one who wouldn’t explain why she’s been mad the entire evening.”

“It’s my parents, okay?” You snapped, getting up and standing in front of him. He seemed taken aback by this sudden outburst but at this point, you really didn’t care. “They aren’t even coming today! All this drama I went through, all this stupid worry I had in my head at the end of the day meant nothing! I only agreed to come to this party because my parents would have been there but of course they decided to go to Switzerland today itself without telling me! 

I wouldn’t have even bothered asking you to be my escort if it weren’t for them. We would have been leading our own lives quietly but now I'm in this mess with you because of this stupid party! It’s so hard to play pretend that sometimes I just wish you would disappear!”

The last line slipped out of your mouth before you had even realised and you only stopped yourself when you saw Jeonghan’s expression.

You had stepped out of the line.

“I- I- Okay, I didn’t mean you to disappear! I mean, not because of that.”

Jeonghan wordlessly got up, his face all of a sudden so cold that you almost could hear your heart break. How could you do this? How could you do this to him? His eyes which usually used to hold a million emotions that you would associate with happiness were now empty as they stared back at you with contempt.

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately, as though figuring out it was better to keep quiet than argue with you.

“I see. Well, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable Y/N. I’ll leave for now but don’t worry, I’ll still pretend to be your escort for today. And then you don’t need to hang out with me that much in college. A week later, or wherever you feel like you don’t need me at all, we’ll just break up. Okay? I’m sorry for everything. Like I said, it’s all my fault.”

With that he walked away from you, your attempt to grab his sleeves fruitless.

“Jeonghan, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” You yelled after him, but he didn’t look back at you even once. “I’m sorry, Jeonghan! I really am!”

You felt tears sliding down your cheeks as the frustration that had been building up finally broke through you. 

“Yoon Jeonghan! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

At this he stopped and turned back to you. His mouth fell open at your teary face but he didn’t take a single step to approach you.

“I’m asking you! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

He looked unsure how to answer that. After a while, he took a gulp and replied a soft ‘no’.

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears continue to flow. 

It hurt. It hurt so much that you wished your heart would stop beating. Maybe then, you would stop loving Jeonghan. Maybe then you would be able to move on from this relationship easily.

“What happened? Did I do-”

“Just leave, Hannie. Just leave.”

You saw him wince when you called him that but by now you were too tired to care, opting to sink onto the ground instead of dealing with what was in front of you. 

It had been a week. Exactly a week without texts, a week without meeting up with Jeonghan unless it was your entire friend group, a week without holding hands and a week until you finally called him.

You had thought that maybe doing all of this would completely remove him from your head, that it would be much easier to move on by pretending that your feelings were because of being so close to him.

But if anything, your love for Yoon Jeonghan had seemed to grow. He was the only thing in your mind constantly as you thought about his antics and jokes. You missed his smile and the way he would hold your hands gently. You missed everything about Jeonghan but there was nothing you could do about it, especially not after how the two of you had very obviously fucked up your friendship (neither of you had even attended the party after that; the two of you just claimed that you were tired and left).

Not that anyone even noticed. Everyone still thought you two were a couple, and it took all of your willpower not to burst into tears whenever someone mentioned Jeonghan in front of you. Of course, Seungkwan knew. And you were sure Joshua knew too. But apart from that, no one had even questioned why the air seemed so stale whenever the two of you were together.

Which brought you to your present call.

“Hello?” A groggy voice on the other side of the line had you nearly jumping off your bed, as you grabbed the phone delicately near your ear, as though you might have been hearing things.

“Uh, hi. It’s me, Y/N.” Your heart still raced at the sound of his voice and you hoped you didn’t sound as squeaky as a twelve year old talking to their crush for the first time.

A pause.

Then he chuckled. “I know, I can see your caller ID.” 

Jeonghan had acted nonchalantly with you in front of everyone, like you hadn't just hurt his feelings by asking him to disappear. But you had thought that maybe he would be different when the two of you were alone, cold and distant since you had practically thrown his kindness onto his face.

“Hahah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I forgot.” You muttered, embarrassed at the way you were acting. Your cheeks were feeling hot and you were glad that he couldn’t see you know.

“So what do you want?”

The words were like a slap to you, but you knew very well that you deserved that. That’s what your relationship had boiled down to. Just to fulfil each other’s needs.

“Um, my parents know about us.” You muttered.

“What?” He asked, as though he hadn’t heard you clearly the first time. You could hear the slight rise in his voice.

“My parents…they know about us and…you know how dating is in our world. They think I’m seeing you as a potential life partner for later on.”

“Do you want me to come over?” He asked softly, and something inside you broke.

“I- I- don't know what to do Hannie.” you felt tears stream down your cheeks. “I don't want you to think that I’m using you, not after what I told you. I shouldn’t even be asking you to cover for me anymore. I hate myself for that so much. But I really don’t know what to tell my parents-”

“Hey.” He hushed you. “I’ll be there, okay? When do you want me to come over?”

“Can you- can you come over for lunch?”

“I’ll be there for sometime before lunch then. Just wait a little, okay?” 

True to his word, Jeonghan showed up to your house half an hour before lunch time. The minute your maids had informed you that he was here, you had rushed downstairs to pull him into your bedroom without your parents noticing.

Locking the door behind you, you leaned your back against it to catch your breath. Your eyes flicked up to meet his worried ones, and you felt the familiar warmth rush back to your chest. 

“Jeonghan I-” You began but stopped when he held your hand that was clutching his sleeves. You thought he was trying to remove it but instead clasped it in his both hands. The huge apology that you had prepared in your head vanished, and all you could was stare at him with tears pricking your eyes once more.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” You whispered, your voice almost broken. Finding yourself alone with him for the first time after the incident seemed to have done something to you. All you could think of was getting him back. “I’m so sorry for all the things I told you.”

He stared at you for a few seconds, before dropping his eyes to your entwined hands. “It’s fine. It’s my fault you felt like that-”

“I wanted you to disappear because everytime I’m with you, I feel like I’m failing to just pretend you are my boyfriend.” You cut him off, taking a step closer to him. Your toes were now brushing each other’s and he looked up at you confused, as though he could not believe what he had just heard.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “I know- I know that you might hate me after this because I’m- because I’m just misusing your goodness. But I’m in love with you Hannie. I like you so much that it drove me crazy trying to keep things the way it was between us. I had hoped maybe that after our fight I would forget you but instead I kept wanting you more. And I hated the fact that I hurt you. I hated-”

“Shh.” He whispered, taking both of your hands in his. He jerked you closer to him, until your noses were just a few inches apart. You were so close to him that you could smell the cologne lingering on him and see the black flecks in his soft brown eyes. His warm gaze was turning your knees to putty and you grasped his hand more tightly to steady yourself. “Don’t- Don’t ever say that, okay? Because I love you so much I can’t bear to see you crumbling like this, hating yourself for something that wasn’t even your fault. I love you so much that it’s okay if you don’t want me if I’m hurting you or making you uncomfortable.”

Taking a deep breath in harshly, you blinked at him as you tried to clear your brain.

Jeonghan…loved you too. He loved you.

When you didn’t say anything, Jeonghan covered the little distance between the two of you by pressing his lips against yours. You felt yourself melt into his touch, hands now clutching his biceps to steady yourself.

He pushed you against the door to press against your body better, his hands squeezing your hips gently. Jeonghan’s lips were soft against yours, kissing you feverishly as though you might disappear if he stopped to even catch his breath. 

You felt all rational thoughts leave your body when your teeth accidentally grazed against his lower lip, causing him to groan in your mouth. One hand cupped your cheek, tilting your face to get better access to your lips. 

His frantic kisses moved towards your ears, starting from the corner of your lip, to your cheek and finally to the soft skin right below your ear.

“Hannie.” You whispered softly, gripping his hair tightly as he sucked on the soft skin, kissing, biting and licking the same spot. You realised that the only thing supporting your jelly legs was the door and his grip on your waist, but you couldn’t even tell him to stop because of the euphoric feeling in your heart.

God, you loved him so, so much.

You tugged at his hair gently, causing him to stop doing what he was doing to look at you, and you threw your arms around his neck to pull him into a hug. He didn’t even falter for a second and immediately wrapped his arm around you, engulfing you in his warmth.

“I love it when you call me Hannie.” He whispered, kissing your ear softly. You felt yourself smile, giving him a squeeze as you felt your heart might explode out of happiness. 

“And I love you.”

Pulling away from him, you mirrored his smile, his soft gaze making you feel giddy like always. “But Hannie..” You began, and he cut you off with a quick kiss on your lips. 

“Hmmm?”

“I had really wanted to dance with you that day.”

“Is that so?” He hummed, his eyes shining with the familiar devilish glint. “Then should we dance after I tell your parents you are officially my girlfriend?”

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!    

© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑  

#╼ 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 #╼ 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐍𝐀 𝐃𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 #jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x reader #seventeen x reader #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #seventeen #svt x reader #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x y/n #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan angst #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan angst #jeonghan fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic

[mazeinthemiroh]

the txt boys have my whole heart it’s actually painful 😭 so if you aren’t too swamped w requests (i assume you got a lot after coming back) could you do a reaction for them where they have to wear a complicated outfit, like a harness or something strapless or wtv, and their crush is a stylist and has to help them put it on? they’re just so 🥹 thank you!!

txt when their stylist crush helping them

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

word count: 0.7k

warnings: none

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

soobin

he's all flustered and kind of stressed out when part of the harness came loose right before he was about to go on stage. soobin's the type of person who needs everything to be perfect right before a big event or a concert. he needs to know that things are running smoothly. luckily, being his stylist, you rushed back to him to see if he needed any help. just seeing your smiling face made him relax. what was even more adorable was when your face scrunched up with concentration, eyebrows furrowing and eyes figuring out what the problem was. he found you so endearing. once you helped to adjust his harness properly, he could barely speak, feeling giddy. you gave him a smile and told him he would do great! all he could let out was a small, shy "thank you..." before getting ready to go on stage. i think it's safe to say that he would be thinking of you the whole time.

yeonjun

yeonjun is usually quite confident in himself, which means when things go wrong for him, it usually comes as a surprise, and he usually gets frustrated with himself. today, he was wearing a mesh top with much bigger holes in it than he had ever worn before, showing off pretty much his whole upper body. he was getting braver and braver with these types of outfits. the only trouble was it was really difficult for him to get on by himself. he kept shoving his arm in the wrong hole 💀 so eventually you came over and offered to help. he had a little pout on his face when he caught the members laughing at him out of the corner of his eyes, but once you reassured him that this happens all the time, he felt less foolish. he flashed you a little grin and thanked you for helping him. his cheeks felt warm by how closer you were to him, and you noticed a playful sparkle in his eyes as he left...

beomgyu

it was ridiculous, to be honest. this outfit wasn't chosen by you. and it showed. there was no way you would have approved this outfit on beomgyu. because, to put it plainly, it didn't fit him. you watched backstage in horror as you saw those stupid, baggy trousers slide further and further down his body to the point where they were on the verge of falling off completely. beomgyu couldn't stop laughing, as he awkwardly tried to shuffle the trousers back up. he was soon rushed off-stage by the other members and into the arms of you. "take your trousers off, now." he could've died on the spot. his grin grew even wider at your remark, but by that time you had shoved in his hands a new pair of trousers that actually fit him. "damn, i've never known someone more eager to take off my pants before."

taehyun

he was performing blue hour on stage, and all the stylists and other staff had huddled up to watch on one of the screens backstage. you couldn't help but notice that he was struggling with the choreography. he kept stumbling in certain parts, which wasn't like him at all. but you then realised that his long, bootleg jeans kept getting caught underneath the black, slightly healed boots he was wearing. so when he came off stage, you came to him, suddenly kneeling down to help him tuck the bottom of his trousers into the boots instead, so it wouldn't interfere with his performance and still looked good. when you stood back up you realise you hadn't said a word to him and became a flustered mess. but he smiled widely and chuckled. "ahh thanks for helping me with that, i didn't even have to ask you!" he gave you a little wink before heading back out on stage.

hueningkai

hueningkai absolutely hated to complain but the tight leather material of his strapped top kept digging into his shoulder blades, so when he danced on stage it made his movements awkward and uncomfortable. when he went back to get his make-up touched up, he caught sight of you. it took him everything to muster up the courage to talk to you. "uhum... y/n? do you think, uh, if you could loosen the straps a bit more? they're a little tight," he let out a sheepish laugh but as he saw you immediately come to help him, he realised he didn't have to be as nervous as he was. you helped him in no time, and he sighed with relief, not to mention the bright red blush on his face from the feeling of your hands on his back...

#txt #tomorrow x together #yeonjun #choi yeonjun #soobin #choi soobin #beomgyu #choi beomgyu #taehyun #kang taehyun #huening kai #hueningkai #txt scenarios #txt reactions #tomorrow x together masterlist #tomorrow x together scenarios #tomorrow x together imagines #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #kpop #kpop scenarios #requested #tomorrow by together #txt ot5

[oizysian]

If you are still taking requests, I'd like to request this.

Elizabeth Olsen X Fem Reader

Fluff or smut?: A mix of both

Plot: Female reader is a biker, (Not a gang member) crashes the bike one day while out on a ride. Elizabeth hears about this and meets the reader at the hospital. AU because It’d be cool to see a twist like this. Reader comes through fine with a few injuries and Elizabeth insists on reader staying with her while they recover, eventually finding out that Reader is autistic and struggles with sensory issues (Light, sound, touch and so on) Elizabeth realizes she is in love with reader and decides to make her apartment more autistic friendly so as to make reader comfortable.

AU or Canon: AU

Take It Easy | Elizabeth Olsen

Pairing: Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1,842

Warnings: Talk of injury, smut. 18+

Genre: Whump/comfort, fluff, smut.

AN: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy it!

“Y/N!” She rushed over to my bedside and took my hand gingerly, bringing it up to her face and pressing it to her cheek. “What happened?”

“Some … asshole hit me.” The look of worry in her eyes made me wonder how badly I really looked. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not ‘fine’ - you got hit by a car!”

I flinched at her voice and she took notice, her gaze softening and her body attempting to relax.

“I’m sorry, it’s just …” I heard her sniffle and I looked up into her eyes, surprised to see them glossy with unshed tears. “This could’ve ended so much worse.”

“I know,” I squeezed her hand and she smiled slightly. “But, really, I’m okay. Just shaken up.”

“I’d like to give that asshole a piece of my mind.” Her attention began to shift and I squeezed her hand again.

“Hey, stay with me, Liz. The last thing we need is you going to jail for assault.”

She returned her attention to me and sighed, nodding in agreement. She grabbed the chair next to the bed and pulled it up beside me, sitting as close as she possibly could all the while still holding my hand.

“Nothing is even broken. I’m just bruised up.”

“And you’ve got one hell of a cut on your head.”

“Do I?” I reached up with my free hand and she took hold of it, shaking her head.

“Don’t touch it. It’s covered. The doctor told me about it when I came in.”

“Oh.” I sighed, looking down at our entwined hands. “Is my head okay?”

“Your thick noggin is fine.” She chuckled softly. “You’re gonna have a nasty headache if you don’t already.”

“I don’t feel much of anything if I’m being honest.”

“It’s adrenaline. But, once it wears off …”

“Yeah, I know; a one way ticket to painsville.”

She nodded slightly, her fingers rubbing circles on the back of my hand.

“The doctor said you should stay with someone while you’re healing.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she gave me a look of taking no bullshit and my jaw snapped shut.

“I want you to stay with me for a while.”

“I can take care of myself.” I mumbled.

“I know that, but I want to take care of you. Just until the doctor says you’re better.”

“But, there’s nothing wrong with me.” I tried to sit up and was hit with dizzying nausea, which Lizzie took notice of right away. “Okay, maybe there is.”

“Lay back down.” She pushed me down gently and I laid down without complaint, sighing in defeat. “It’ll only be for a few days. A week tops.”

I looked up at her, knowing I wasn’t going to win this no matter how hard I fought. How bad could it be staying with my best friend for a week? My best friend that I was in love with.

“Okay.” I finally gave in.

She smiled, a lone tear sliding down her cheek from the corner of her eye.

“Don’t cry.” I whispered, feeling very helpless at the moment.

“I’m not crying.” She said, sniffling softly.

“Yeah, and I’m not in a hospital bed.” I tried to joke and she let out a tearful laugh, a few more strays slipping past her eyelashes. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she brushed her tears away and tried to smile. “You’re just being you, it’s okay. I’m glad you’re still feeling like yourself.”

“For now.”

“For now.” She agreed. “Let’s see what tomorrow brings.”

•

“Kill me.” I groaned as I lay in Lizzie’s bed, my whole body in the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.

“Yeah, I saw that coming.” She said as she entered the room with a glass of water and a bottle of pills.

She shook the bottle and I covered my ears, the noise too loud for my aching brain.

“Sorry. Here, take two.”

“Tylenol? Nothing stronger?”

“You don’t need anything stronger. You’re just being dramatic.”

“I was hit by a car.” I reminded her.

“Honey,” she placed the glass down and sat next to me on the bed. “I know you were hit by a car, but the doctor said two Tylenol every four to six hours. And we’re going to follow the doctor's orders.”

I grumbled under my breath and stuck out my hand. She tipped the bottle into my palm and let two fall out, closing and placing it next to the glass of water on the nightstand. I huffed as I took the glass, popping the pills in my mouth and washing it down with the water.

“Trust me,” she said as she sat next to me, brushing my hair out of my face gently so as to not disturb the cut on my head. “I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure you feel better.”

“Thanks, Lizzie.” I said softly, sadly tracing imaginary patterns in the bedsheet.

“Don’t look so glum. In a few days you’ll be able to do things normally and then you’ll be going home.”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. As much as I hadn’t wanted to become a burden on her, I enjoyed staying with her.

“You wanna watch something?”

I shook my head and she sighed, taking my hand. I pulled her hand into my lap and played with her fingers, letting my mind wander as she sat and kept me company.

“We don’t have to do anything.” She said softly and I looked up at her. “We can just hang out.”

“Yeah.” I gave her a crooked smile. “I’d like that.”

•

After the doctor had given me the okay to go back to my normal activities, I helped Lizzie out around the house, wanting to pull my weight. She refused at first, but I insisted, and finally she let me do the dishes and help out with dinner.

My head was much better, and the aching in my body was nearly gone. I just wanted things to go back to normal. At the same time, living a cutesy, domestic life with Lizzie was everything I dreamed it could be, and there was a selfish part of me that didn’t want this to end.

The longer I stayed with her, the more things changed around her house. I noticed that some flowers she had in the dining room were now sitting out on the balcony, the light in the hall was no longer put on, and the old, scratchy blanket was taken from my side of the couch and replaced with a soft, comfy one.

My side of the couch. I liked the sound of that. But, why had things been changing? These little things were almost unnoticeable, but I noticed because those things used to bother me before. I never would’ve said anything to Lizzie, but she seemed to pick up on my discomfort and acted on it. I couldn’t lie and say my heart didn’t swell with love for her at the thought.

“Hey, Lizzie?”

“Hm?” She hummed softly, her fingers lazily tangled in my hair.

“What happened to those flowers you had on the table?” I played dumb.

“I put them outside.”

“Why?”

“I noticed you didn’t like the smell. You’re very sensitive to smell, you know.”

I blinked a few times, trying to process what she said.

“And why don’t you use the light in the hallway any more?”

“It hurts your eyes.” She said as she played with my tousled locks.

“And -”

“Y/N.” She interrupted me, gently lifting my chin so I would look up at her. “You’re here with me, so I’m making your stay as comfortable as possible. I’m gonna change the lightbulb in the hallway so it’s not so harsh.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I mumbled softly and she smiled down at me.

“Of course I do. I want you to be happy here.”

“Thank you.” I snuggled closer to her and she pressed a kiss to the uninjured portion of my forehead.

“Of course. I love you.”

My heart stopped at her words and it was obvious she had realized what she said a little too late. You could cut the silence between us with a knife.

“Y/N …” she started and I spoke without thinking.

“I love you too.”

“Yeah?” She asked softly and I nodded, inching closer to her.

“Yeah.”

She leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine, gently at first, before growing bolder and letting her tongue clash with my own.

Oh, god, how I dreamt of this moment. She tasted like strawberries and vanilla and I couldn’t get enough of her. She pressed me into the couch and I let her take control of me, knowing for a fact that she wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

“Is this okay?” She asked as her fingers played with the waistband of my pants. “We can wait if you’re not ready.”

“I’ve been ready since I met you. I’ve always been in love with you.”

She smiled down at me and I raised my hips towards her, letting her pull down my pants and panties in one fell swoop. She giggled against my lips as our tongues and teeth clumsily clashed, our eager kisses becoming sloppy as her hands explored my body.

“We’ll have to take it easy.” She whispered, a mischievous look in her eye. “Which means you’re going to lay back,” she bit her lip and smiled. “And enjoy yourself.”

I blinked at her, a smile creeping across my features as she slid down my body, pressing wet, open mouthed kisses to my belly as she made her way between my legs.

“You’re so pretty.” She whispered softly, her fingers parting my soaked folds so she could see every inch of me.

“Lizzie,” I whined, covering my face with my arm. “Stop it.”

“No,” she kissed me and I nearly saw stars. “You’re perfect.”

I removed my arm from my face and looked down at her, her golden locks splayed across my lower abdomen, her emerald eyes looking up at me from under her eyelashes as she sucked my clit into her eager mouth.

A slew of obscenities fell from my lips as her tongue slipped delicately inside of me, touching me in ways I never dreamed possible.

“Lizzie,” I moaned, running my fingers through her hair as she ate me out. “Oh, fuck, yeah, right there, Lizzie. Fuck.”

She brought her free hand up to meet mine, lacing our fingers together as her strong tongue continued to lap at my wetness. My hips raised towards her as the coil in my belly tightened, my legs beginning to shake as my orgasm quickly approached.

I let out a whimper, a soft sound, before crying out her name breathlessly, cumming all over her mouth and chin. She didn’t let a drop go to waste, her tongue licking and lips sucking as she cleaned up the mess I made.

“When you feel better,” she breathed, smiling up at me. “We can do so much more.”

#elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #elizabeth olsen smut #elizabeth olsen x female reader #elizabeth olsen fanfic #elizabeth olsen #requests open #sashawalker2

[positivevibesonlyyy]

Kylian Mbappe - The World At Our Feet

Mbappe x fem reader (fluff)

Wanted to do a one shot of Kylian dating a female French artist... and I really love the phrase a commentator (I think it was Peter Drury) used to describe Kylian as the ‘boy with the world at his feet’, so I used that as inspiration for this one shot. I wrote this quickly on the train yesterday so it’s a bit rushed but please let me know what you think or if you want more. Enjoy!! 

~

You closed your eyes. The plane was about to take off, you had fastened your seatbelt and clutched your pillow, bracing yourself for the sudden acceleration. The feeling of taking off was one of your favourite in the world - it was exhilarating, feeling the plane leave the ground. You opened your eyes once you were in the air, looking outside your window at the clouds. You were exhausted, the past few weeks had been a whirlwind of flights and shows and press. Your career as an artist had taken off in the past year, one single after the other topping the charts. It was so surreal, the past few months felt like a fever dream. Music had been your life since you were a child. Singing and writing songs made you feel alive in a way that nothing else did. For so long, singing and composing and writing music was all you did, all that mattered, developing and experimenting with notes, genres, styles and range. You loved music, but it had been a massive, years long struggle. You spent nearly a decade scrapping by with crappy gigs, going through one record label rejection after another, constant series of missed opportunities..

All that seems so far away now. You had just finished a fully booked out tour through Europe and nothing could have prepared you for what life would be like as a burgeoning pop star. There was a world of difference between your life now and just a few months ago. The fame and success came so suddenly, you didn’t have any time to process any of it. You were swept in a tidal wave of change and still unsure how to handle your new life, your public persona, your exponential growth in followers and fans, the media scrutiny, the lack of privacy, the chaotic schedule, the expectations. Being a public figure had so many demands you failed to anticipate.

When you spoke to Kylian about this a few months ago, he smiled sympathetically.

“I mean this has been my dream for so long, and it’s here and it’s happening and I just wish I didn’t feel so overwhelmed, I wish I could enjoy it more.”

He hummed in response, playing with your hair. “I know chéri. But this is part of the deal. Its a package, isn’t it? This the price and I think it’s a small one. You’re living your dream. What could be better than that? How many people can say that?”

You smiled at him, feeling suddenly envious. 

“You can.”

“Oui, I can and I wouldn’t change a thing.” He said earnestly.

You admired how easy it all seemed to be for him. How naturally he managed the attention, how much he loved it, how he thrived in it, how he was driven and motivated by the pressure, instead of overwhelmed by it, how happily he took on challenges. How cheerful and determined he remained in the face of it all. He had always seemed carefree and almost fearless, but until recently you couldn’t fully grasp how remarkable this was.

“I’m lucky I know.” You tell him. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. This is everything I wanted and more.”

You two were lying in bed, the night before you left for tour. You head was on his chest, his arm around you. His nose buried in your hair. You felt him smile cheekily against your head and he whispered, “Besides, if all this hadn’t happened, we would never have met and that would have been a shame.”

You chuckled, “That’s true.”

Being with him unlocked a layer of joy and fulfilment in your life that you didn’t know was possible. It had only been a few months, but when you met, it felt like this was it. You both were drawn to each other, wanted to speak to and talk about each other all the time in a way that was so out of proportion with what was appropriate at that stage. You suddenly wanted his take on every single thing in your life, weighty and inconsequential, A too quick attachment brewed, and you thought that was was the tell-tale sign. One night after a stellar PSG match, he came to watch you perform. You saw him in the crowd and locked eyes and neither one of you looked away for the rest of the night. It felt like you were only singing to him, as if the thousands of other people there had just faded into the distance. He clapped and cheered ferociously as you sang, yelling for the crowd to make more noise. When you woke up together the next morning, you curled into him like a baby seal climbing on a sunlit rock. The daylight came in through the shutters and you looked at him asleep in the morning glow and thought that this was the only thing you wanted to do forever.

You were heading back to Paris now, your home and the best city in the world. Kylian had a rare set of holidays, and you had a few days relatively free. You couldn’t wait to see him, it had been months. Your heart literally ached with longing. When the plane finally landed on the tarmac, your were jittery with excitement. You said thank you to the flight crew, to your manager, to the staff that you worked with before promptly getting in a car and heading towards Kylian’s place. It didn’t matter that you had spent something like 18 hours flying and desperately needed a shower. You were going to get to see him. So much had happened in the last few days that you had missed. Kylian was now the captain of the French team. The youngest ever French football captain. You were so happy for him, almost swelling with pride. You had congratulated him over the phone, both of you teary. You couldn’t wait to see him to do it in person too.

~

You were finally inside his building, you swung the door open and called out “Bonjouuuuurr!! Ky?” You heard his footsteps immediately.

Suddenly he was racing towards you at lightening speed that would have otherwise frightened you. He lifted you off the ground and you wrapped your arms around his neck, legs around his waist. “Ahhhhhhh, Y/N I’m so happy you’re here” he said, “I missed you.”

You clung to him, “I missed you too” you said before pressing your lips against his. It was a slow, gentle kiss, full of deep, mutual yearning. You were both breathing heavily when you pulled apart, “How are you…Captain? ” You asked, before pressing another kiss to his jaw.

He grinned, “happy now that you’re here.”

You gripped your waist and your hands were on his shoulders, you rested your forehead against his. “Congratulations bébé. I’m so… so proud of you” You say sincerely.

“Merci” he whispers, a little shyly.

“How are you? How was the flight, and the last few nights of tour?” He asked, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the living room.

You followed him. “Incredible…Just unbelievable, you know? Like it just felt so unreal, like my life was a movie. It was a lot though. I am exhausted, it was really intense and I missed Paris and my family, and you.”

You hugged him again, needing contact. He was warm and gentle and smelt wonderfully familiar. He rubbed your back and kissed you again.

“I’m glad it went well, and I knew it would. You’re the most talented singer in the world. You amaze me every time I see you perform.”

“Ahh, stop…” you mutter, shyly.

“No, no, seriously, you’re absolutely enchanting to watch on stage.”

“You don’t have to say that”, you blushed, still terrible at accepting compliments.

“I wouldn’t if it weren’t true.” He said seriously, gently massaging your shoulders. 

“But I’m glad you’re home now. I’ve been wanting to celebrate everything with you so badly.”

~

A few hours later, you were both sat on the roof of Kylian’s apartment, after having emptied a bottle of wine. Cuddled up on one seat, with a large shared blanket and each others bodies for warmth, you were watching the city lights. You spent hours talking about what had happened in the last few months you were away. You told him of all the strange, funny, embarrassing moments you had on tour, all the weird fan encounters, all the highlights. Everything you wished he could’ve been there for. He told you about his time at PSG, how he felt he was improving, how proud he was of being the all time goal scorer for the club, how it made him feel worthy of the clubs investment in him, how excited but nervous he was about serving as captain for France, how the loss of the World Cup final still hurt.

You caressed the back of his head as you both waited for midnight so that the Eiffel Tower would start to glimmer, at it always did when the clock hit 12.

“I’m so happy right now.” You said quietly, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love.

“Me too.” He replied. “We have the world at our feet, mon amour.”

______

#kylian mbappe #kylian fanfic #kylian x you #kylian imagines #mbappe #mbappe fluff #mbappe fanfic #mbappe x reader #mbappe x you #mbappe one shot #mbappe imagine #mbappé #mbappe smut #mbappe angst #football #football fanfic #kylian mbappe fluff #kylian mbappe fanfic

[love-me-a-lotta-whump]

낭만닥터 김사부3 - Dr. Romantic 3 ep.10 & 11 - Episode Highlight - 🇰🇷

Whumpee: 서우진 (Seo Woo Jin) played by 안효섭 (Ahn Hyo Seob)

Synopsis: At Doldam Hospital, Dr. Kim Sa Bu and his team are committed to saving lives. After three years, a state-of-the-art trauma centre is set to open, equipped with the latest in medical technology.

Genre/Tags: Medical, Found Family, Romance, Whumpee w/ Trauma

Watch On: Hulu, DramaCool, KissAsian

Notes at the bottom + bonus GIF

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW

Episode 10

(Ppl are concerned for him during the entire first part of the episode)

7:43 - unconscious, concern for him, woke up, coughing, trying to move but can’t, in shock, shaky breathing, shaking, crying out in pain, heavy breathing, groaning

13:23 - (all one scene but a lot going on/breaks) heavy breathing, sweating ::: concern for him, shaking, sweating, heavy breathing, wound reveal (?), shaking, struggling to speak, said he was in a lot of pain, shaking, shaky breathing

21:55 - (1 scene but has small breaks) found, shaking, struggling to speak, heavy breathing, told the rebar would have to be pulled from his body, concern for him ::: shaking, sweating, shaky breathing ::: talking about how pulling out the rebar will be “unbearably painful”, shaking, tourniquet put on his arm, given pain medications, held down, scared, heavy breathing, screaming, held, writhing, crying, shaking, heavy breathing, concern for him, comforted, bleeding

31:08 - rolled into the ED, shaking, sweating, shaky breathing, concern for him, moved to a bed, in a lot of pain, wide eyes, examined, heavy breathing, writhing

38:05 - being prepped for surgery, unconscious, facial wounds bandaged

38:40 - in surgery, intubated, arm operated on (continued to below (47:33))

47:33 - still in surgery, unconscious, intubated

53:08 - asleep in the ICU, oxygen mask, arm wrapped in bandages, woke up, concern for him, heavily lidded eyes, weak

56:32 - (flashbacks: struggling to walk, half collapsed into a shelf, holding his ribs, all beat up, stumbling)

1:08:05 - arm in a sling, IV, looked after, glassy eyes, crying

Episode 11

16:22 - scar reveal, doing physical rehab for his hand

———+———

MORE WHUMP LISTS >>> {x}

I used KissAsian to make this Episode Highlight. The time stamps may vary across platforms.

Here’s another GIF from the drama 😏

#asian whump #whump list #whumplist #asianwhump #kdrama #kwhump #whump list library #whump list directory #Dr romantic 3 #낭만닥터 김사부3

[ardentlyjae]

All I Want - Epilogue One

Pairing: Taehyung/Reader

Genre: Not sure, drama?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,325

Summary: Taehyung is finally ready to speak with you.

Part One

Taehyung leaned back against the couch and looked up. They were sitting in a small cafe in Paris enjoying a small cup of espresso each. He had his film camera that he took the last time he was home. He was waiting to find something he would like to take a picture of if the inspiration struck him. So, far he had been unsuccessful. As a result, his patience was wearing a bit thin. He turned to the woman next to him and let out a small sigh.

"How long has it been since we met?" He asked, turning back around to look at all the busy Parisians walking to their next destination. Still, no one interesting enough to take a photo of.

Jisoo chuckled. She didn’t seem to be having the same struggle as he did, her sketchbook currently showing a landscape she was in the process of drawing. "It's been a few years. Maybe two or three."

Taehyung let out a little smirk. "Do you think maybe it's time that we face our demons and go home?" It’s a question he’s had on his mind for a while, he was just trying to find the right time to bring it up to her.

The smile on Jisoo's face disappeared almost instantly. Her brows furrowing in confusion as she hesitated. Taehyung almost felt a pang of guilt, but it had been almost 5 years since the last time he spoke to you and lately he had been wondering if it was time for the two of you to have a long overdue conversation. His agreement with Jisoo had always been that they would travel together until they felt ready to face what they were running from, and Taehyung was thinking that maybe it was time for him.

Of course, Jimin kept him updated on your life, even when he didn't ask. He knew you had somehow made your way back to Jungkook and although at first there was a sting, he had now come to terms with it. He missed you, he missed your friendship, and he missed the way the two of you understood each other before everything happened. Jimin was his best friend but he was no replacement for you. There was no way that you could erase nearly twenty years of friendship between the two of you that easily.

"I've just been thinking," Taehyung began. "I've been talking to Jimin and I miss her, you know?"

"Taehyung," Jisoo lightly admonished. "I thought you said you were letting go of your feelings for her."

"And I am! I have. I just think it's been long enough and I feel like I am in a place where I know I can face her and not have my heart break. I just want to talk to her again," Taehyung explained. "There's no ulterior motive here to try to win her back if that's what you're thinking."

"Are you sure? You were a complete mess back then." Jisoo asked. She knew all about the history between the two of you. Taehyung had told her a few months into their travels together, after a particularly rough night where he had had a few too many shots of vodka and was crying in the lounge of the hotel they were staying in.

"I know I was. If it helps, she's back together with him. But surprisingly I'm fine with it, and I think I want to have her back in my life as my friend."

Jisoo let out a big sigh and didn't speak any further. Taehyung knew that meant she didn't quite agree with him but would not stop him from what he was about to do. It likely meant that she thought he was being an idiot, but it did not deter Taehyung in the slightest.

He was grateful to Jisoo if he was being honest. They were two broken people that slowly helped put each other back together. Jimin always thought that they would get into a relationship eventually, but Taehyung knew it would never happen. Jisoo was still broken, and she had always reiterated that she likely would never want to be in a relationship with anyone ever again. He finally, truly, knew what a platonic friendship with another woman was like and now he knew that he was absolutely capable of maintaining one with you, if you would allow him to do so.

**

"Hey Y/N?" Jimin said, his voice showing a hint of hesitation.

You were instantly concerned, your brows furrowing as you turned to your best friend. "Yes Jimin?"

"Taehyung is coming back home next week," Jimin said, casually taking a sip of his coffee. The look he was throwing over the rim of the mug meant he had a bit more to tell you.

You furrowed your brows. He never told you when Taehyung was returning these days.

"Okay...and what does that have to do with me? Should I stay away from home next week?"

"Actually, he asked me if I could find out something for him," Jimin explained. "He wants to know if you would be willing to meet up with him sometime. I think he's back home for good."

You were sure you froze hearing the unexpected news. "Are you sure you didn't mishear?"

"No he asked me and I quote, 'I've been thinking and I just know it's been too long since I spoke to Y/N and if she was willing I would like the chance to speak with her'" Jimin quoted, putting on his best Taehyung impression.

It almost sounded too good to be true. You weren't really sure if this day would ever come. But this also wasn't a decision that you could make on your own anymore. There was Jungkook and your relationship that you had to take into account. It had been a conversation the two of you had previously had, where the two of you agreed to discuss anything that may impact the two of you together before making any decisions.

"Jim, I'll think about it," you say slowly. "I need to talk about it with Jungkook before anything else."

"Understood. Just let me know soon, yeah?" Jimin responded, a soft smile on his face. He was clearly hoping that you two would agree to meet.

It was an odd feeling. Though you were always unsure if this day would come, it felt weird to know it was here. You'd moved on and you hoped that Taehyung had moved on as well. You spent the last five years working on yourself, knowing that there were some serious character flaws that needed to be addressed. One of the things you needed to work on was how honest you were with yourself and with other people. It put you in uncomfortable positions at times and it led you to many almost completely unbearable conversations with Jimin, Jungkook and even Jin, but it was something that you believed was fully worth it, because things in your life were good.

You were happy.

Your relationship with Jungkook was in a place you never really expected it to be. It was better than you ever could have imagined, but it took a lot of work to get there and a lot of convincing from Jungkook. There were many difficulties to get it to where you had it and a lot of trust needed to be rebuilt, but somehow you did it. Jungkook was worth it all. He always was.

After that initial meeting at the coffee shop you worked at, you began seeing Jungkook more and more frequently. You had gone almost two years without ever seeing him on campus but suddenly he was in the library by your favorite spot, or studying at your job, or even at the same campus events you would attend. You knew it was happening on purpose but you played dumb. It seemed like Jungkook had forgiven you but you hadn't forgiven yourself yet, and as long as that remained you didn't allow yourself to even consider a relationship with him.

Eventually, you managed to find a place where you could be at peace with yourself mentally and you accepted when Jungkook asked you on yet another date. You would never forget the look on his face when you accepted, as he was so used to getting rejected by that point.

The two of you always handled any potential issues together, the communication always remained consistent. He never worried about you and you never gave him a reason to and he did the same. It wasn't that you needed Jungkook's permission to talk to Taehyung, it was that this was a potential sore spot for him and Jungkook's feelings and maintaining his trust were your first priority in this situation. After speaking with him, he readily agreed and you packed a small bag for the weekend and left for home with Jimin.

You arrived a day after Taehyung arrived home. Jimin explained to you that Taehyung had been in Paris when he decided to come back, and he'd let you know where to meet Taehyung as soon as he discussed it with him, still acting as the middleman between the two of you.

The next day you found yourself waiting at the same park where you first met Taehyung. Sitting at one of the benches, you picked at your cuticles. Your nerves were a mess.

Eventually, you saw a pair of black doc martens walk up to you and you looked up to see a man with a smile that almost matched the brightness of the sun, his eyes smiling along with him.

"Hey Y/N, it's been a while." He said, opening his arms wide as if asking for a hug.

You hesitated, looking up at him as he stood in front of you. "Hey Taehyung."

When Taehyung realized you weren't going to stand up to hug him, he put his arms down and moved to take the empty seat beside you. You couldn’t read his expression, he didn’t show much on his face anymore it seemed. You weren’t quite sure how that made you feel either.

"How have you been?" He asked, turning to look at you.

"I'm...actually doing pretty good," you say, thinking about everything you left at your new home.  "How about you?"

"I've been good, great actually," he says, stretching his legs out in front of him. "I've actually been doing a lot of photography."

You nod, unsure of what to say next. Silence falls over the two of you in a way that you are not used to. Conversations with Taehyung never used to be this awkward. But this is a new Taehyung you’re speaking to, and you are also a new version of yourself.

Eventually you speak again, "How was Paris?"

"Good actually. The city is beautiful at night and the food was some of the best I've ever eaten," he casually says.  "How's being a doctor?"

"Not a doctor yet," you sigh, mentally reminding yourself that Jimin likely kept him updated on your life as he did to you. "Still doing medical school and it's killing me. You'd think my experience as a nurse would help, but there's so much to the human body that you can't learn in a makeshift hospital. It’s so different learning about it in a textbook instead of the body in front of you."

You notice that Taehyung had tensed up, though only a few seconds afterwards his shoulders had relaxed again. Maybe it hadn’t been a bright idea to bring up the war quite yet to Taehyung.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Taehyung spoke softly. "You’ve always been brilliant anyway. How's Jungkook?"

You turn to look at him, surprised that he brought him up first. You search Taehyung's face for any hint of what he may be feeling or thinking in his head, but maybe these five years apart have affected the two of you more than you thought, because his face is completely unreadable. You’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to answer the question either.

"I know you're back together with him," Taehyung explains, shrugging in the process. "Honestly? I'm happy for you. I'm happy you found someone like him to be with. Truly."

A rush of emotions begins to fill you and you can't help yourself before you throw your arms around him and hug him tightly. Taehyung is tense for a few moments before relaxing a bit and then wrapping his own arms around you. His scent remains the same but his body feels completely different than it did 5 years ago.

"I missed you Tae." You whisper, not worrying about the tears that have begun falling from your eyes.

He chuckles, "I know Y/N. I did too."

Taehyung moves to let you go but as he pushes you away he keeps his hands on your shoulders.

"Y/N, I'm sorry for everything that happened back then. I put an unbelievable amount of pressure on you and it was my own expectations that ruined our friendship. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You were my first friend and my most important friend and I hope you can give me a chance to rebuild our friendship and so that we can keep our promise."

"Taehyung, I forgave you a long time ago. But I am also sorry for not being honest with you when you returned. It was wrong of me to allow you to believe I had been waiting for you. I did it out of my own cowardice and selfishness and I hope you can forgive me for my mistakes as well."

"Always Y/N.," Taehyung reassures me, taking hold of my hand and giving it a small squeeze. "So we're friends again?"

"Yes. Always. Until we are both really old and senile and can’t control our own bowel movements anymore.”

** 

A/N: Surprise? This was written in a very quick moment as I try to get back into the habit of writing. My apologies if it’s not as good as the previous work, I'm slowly trying to get back into the habit and I know my writing skills aren't what they used to be. If you made it this far, thank you for even reading AIW in the first place. It means the world!

#its fanfiction #bts #taehyung #Kim taehyung #bts fanfic #v #v fanfiction #v fanfic #it's been so long this is probably trash

[iwannawritelots]

Tears

Originally written April 2022

Masterlist

Genre: angst, comfort

Ship(s): Satan X MC

(genderless MC)

Trigger/content warnings: mental breakdown, self-blame, lesson 16 spoilers

Headcanons/notes from the author: The spoilers for lesson 16 are immediate so no before-the-cut paragraph and the blurb is more vague than usual sorry lol

Brief Blurb: Satan and MC cry.

A few days had passed since the incident with Belphegor, and you had not left bed. You had been given death, and somehow came back despite how much you wished you hadn’t. The only company you had liked the past few days was from Satan. He was very quiet, only sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through your hair whenever he came in. You didn’t have to speak, and he didn’t either. It was a connection that the two of you shared after being a couple so long.

Your bedroom door very quietly squeaked, then squeaked again. Satan’s familiar footfalls sounded, then the creak from your mattress as he sat in his usual spot. The two of you sat there in silence for a while, and for a moment you thought he might say something… but he didn’t. He simply played with your hair like always. Your body relaxed at his touch, and you listened to his breaths as they got more unstable with the passage of time. This wasn’t how it had been the last few days…

Slowly, you rolled over to look at him. Fat tears raced down his cheeks, and he had a black eye, a bloody nose… “Satan…? What happened?”

He stared at the wall, sniffled, then glanced at you. “G-Got in a fight with Belphegor.”

“Why…?” you questioned, genuinely confused. Nobody else seemed to care about what the avatar of sloth had done to you, so this had to be unrelated.

“He killed you…” mumbled Satan, voice shaking. “I… hate him…”

Attempting to smile, you told him, “I’m still here, Satan…”

“You’re… in pain…”

“Satan…”

“Why else would you be bedridden…?” Satan began to suffocate on sobs that were sneaking up on him. “I did nothing to stop it…” He violently wiped his face, crying and wheezing. “Y-You… Y-You must be in s-so m-much mental a-anguish…”

You couldn’t bear how heartbroken he sounded, but couldn’t lie to him as comfort. Satan would see through your lies, and it would only upset him more. “It’s not your fault, Satan…”

“I-It is…” he insisted, crying quickly becoming hysterical the more he attempted to calm himself. “I-I am s-s-so sorry… I-I’m s-sorry you got d-dragged d-down h-here…”

“Satan, it’s fine—”

“N-No it’s n-not!” he wailed, rubbing his fists into his eyes. “Y-You’re s-s-so uns-safe h-here! Y-Y-You haven’t ev-ven been a-allowed to s-stay with the o-other h-h-hum-man!” He sniffled and wiped his face, but he couldn’t stop crying after letting out the built up frustration. “Y-Y-You should be th-the one who’s c-crying, b-but y-you d-didn’t e-even b-bat an e-eye at th-them letting B-Belph-phie off the h-hook!”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” you told him gently, feeling tears well up in your eyes. “That’s all…”

“H-How could I n-n-not w-worry!?” he sobbed, burying his face in his hands. “Y-You j-just… I-I l-love you! I l-love you s-so m-much…”

“I love you so much too, Satan.” Carefully, you pulled him down to lay with you. He cooperated without any struggle, quickly burrowing into your shoulder. “I’ll be fine, kitten…” you cooed, petting his hair.

“N-Now you’re c-c-comf-forting me… I-I’m s-sorry…” he muttered. “I-I w-wanted t-to comf-fort you… N-Not the o-other w-w-way around…”

“I know, Satan…” you assured him quietly. “I know you didn’t mean to cry, but you keep so many emotions in; it was bound to happen.” You pulled him close to yourself, and he snuggled into the crook of your neck. Blinking out a few tears, you gave him a soft squeeze. “I’ll be okay… I’ve got you, after all.”

“P-Please… nev-ver go a-away a-ag-gain…”

#satan x mc #mc x satan #satan #mc #gn mc #obey me! one master to rule them all #obey me! shall we date? #obey me! #obey me #omomtrta #omswd #om #fanfiction #fanfic #darlingficsbycinna #iwannawritelots

[purple-worm]

Thanks for the tag @lelephantsnail 💕

Favorite Color: peacock blue/midnight blue

Currently Reading: The Black Swan by Naseem Taleb. This is so unlike anything I’ve read. loving it so far. Padmarag by Rokeya Sakhawat Hossain. I hope I finish them.

Last Song: Dil Se Re by Rahman, Anupama and Anuradha. and Fanaa (Rahman, Tanvi, Sunitha). His concert reawakened my love for this song (actually all of his music, I had forgotten how much I loved it).

Last Series: I finished a Little Women rewatch (in love) and finally started Spy x Family. I love it! it's already starting to deliver the found family, I'm gonna be obsessed. Also watching Gaus electronics on the side. It’s pure chaos and zero brain cells in sight. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

Last Movie: Nope. I need to rewatch this masterpiece.

Currently working on: just my portfolio. messing this one up big time if I dont stop procrastinating

share 10 different favourite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag 10 people: I'm doing 11 because I can't pick one from little women. I'm also quoting them (not necessarily their best lines, just the ones that come to my mind first) bc why not💕

1. Oh In-Joo (Little Women):

"Where do souls live? I always wanted a home where my soul could live." I can’t stop thinking about her characterization and development. They managed to keep Meg’s tenderness from the novel but added so much more. and they fit all of that with a surreal plot and significant commentary on capitalism and poverty. I love that they weaved in so much (and did it well).

2. Oh In-Kyung (Little Women):

"They're so fresh. They're fresh to the point that it's almost sexy". Fresh produce is…weirdly sexy. She gets it. Therefore, she is my favourite. Her layers make her feel so real, a part of the reason why I’m so obsessed w this show. Modern adaptations of classics are hard to get right, and I feel like this one treads those lines well. it is fresh (a full genre shift) but still manages to keep the essence.

3. Black (Not Me):

"Power is corrupting. Ideas are what have the power to transform society" My plot device of a man🥹🥹 Certainly deserved better. I could watch him wreck shit for days.

4. Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs):

"No one can fully grasp another person's deepest emotions. It's impossible. Only you can understand what you're feeling. But generally speaking, I can tell you this. Most people tend to cry when their father dies." Can’t help but hate him. Can’t help but project onto him. He has fucked up a lot. and he will continue to do so. It is entertaining to watch, but sometimes he deserves a slap across the face (or several idk). Other times, a hug.

5. Wang (180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us):

"I will break free. Time is on my side, so I've decided to leave. But leaving doesn't mean I lost." I’m so proud of him. In a story where people struggled to change, he proved that it was still possible. His sheer will to gain something out of the heartbreaking experience he had, and to keep going despite being so lonely, so unheard. But also, the maturity to know which fights to pick. There’s so much to learn from him.

6. Togawa (Old Fashion Cupcake):

"I'm seducing you. I've been trying to seduce you, with everything I have. Although you never had a clue. I know...being seduced by someone of the same sex, isn't considered common sense for most people. Especially from a subordinate. But unfortunately, it's common sense to me. So I've been seducing you. I've been meaning to tell you this whole time, but I was afraid. I was scared of saying something that wasn't normal to you. But doing this...and telling you in such a horrible way... I'm so sorry. I like you. I like you so much, I could die." I couldn't have justified picking anything else.

7. Ink (Bad Buddy):

"It's so gainful" The icon that she is. gmm, get your ass up and give us a milklove GL 2023.

8. Anya (Spy x Family):

"Father is a tsundere." I've only had her for two episodes but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

9. Fleabag (Fleabag):

"I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now." I will always treasure fleabag.

10. Baek Hee-Sung (Flower of Evil):

"We’ve only known each other for 14 years. So of course, you’d be clueless of my intentions." Thinking about him leaves an ache in my chest. Mr. I've-never-felt-an-emotion really broke down on the streets after reuniting with his 4 yo daughter and then got called out by her for it. "Daddy, don't cry like before if you miss me, okay? You're a grown-up". So,, misunderstood.

11. Han Ju-Won (Beyond Evil):

"I'll be a monster and dive into hell. That is my way of atoning" He's on this list bc I miss his ass and this show.

Special mention to Choi Doil and Great Aunt (Little Women) bc they haven't left my mind. and Nozue (babe, togawa was only here bc of that iconic confession, i love you just as much) and Miw from 3 will be free💕 This was so much fun, thanks for tagging me @lelephantsnail <33 Also, I’m so happy to see that you’ve watched 180 degrees, and wanted to shred it to bits with analysis because that show absolutely deserves it. so much to dig into and have your heart wrecked. Feel free to yell at me about it any time.

Have a great day!💕

#i set myself up w this quote thing🤡 #took me longer than it should have bc horrible decision-making but what else is new #this was fun #to all the characters i didnt include: always in my heart i swear #i havent tagged anyone but if anyone is interested please go ahead #i’d love to see <3 #tag game

[astraldrake]

thoughts on elden ring bcs i feel like i have to put them somewhere fair warning for spoilers

- much more colorful than ds3 (low bar i know but goodness the difference is stunning when you go from one to the other) -im so glad they gave us the ability to jump. like wow i can actually go up stuff now?? im not trapped if i fall down a small ledge?? sweet. - the ambient music in caelid makes my skin crawl (complimentary) also they really nailed the vibe of it as this horrible rotting place that wants you dead. also all the giant mushrooms and stuff everywhere, love those. - speaking of, i love the lil wolf howls in the raya lucaria ambient music. (also the overall color palette and aesthetic and stuff 10/10 blue good, sparkly rocks good) - radahn's fight was fun and chaotic (once i had enough health that he wasn't 2 shotting me right as i walked in) i liked that you could just keep summoning backup throughout the fight so you had a near endless stream of cannon fodder help. - rykards fight was a pain in the ass though, idk if it was just me but i struggled to get the timing down on when and how to stun him. (also, i really expected his voice to be more,,, idk intimidating?? he just sounds like he's talking with his mouth full.) - morgott wasn't too bad (although it was also the first fight i did while having a great rune active so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) (should also note i beat him before i took down rykard) i will say i didn't expect his lore to be so sad. Like shit dude I feel bad about killing you now. - im really enjoying the wide variety of stuff i can do with incantations, i can summon lightning, throw fireballs, temporarily give myself a tail, and turn my head into a dragon's, it's great. - i have no clue what is happening like 60% of the time. i feel like i probably missed some story stuff somewhere down the line. (i spent so much time dicking around with other stuff i would not be surprised) - I kinda miss destiny's more expansive lore entries. I get that that's just not the way these games tend to operate when it comes to story, like i know they like to be vague and leave stuff up to interpretation but sometimes i want more than flavor text yknow? I want to read more about these characters and events. (and yes i know ao3 exists but diving for good fic takes time and trial and error, that and i want a more consistent understanding of canon than what assorted fic would be able to provide. ah well, when there is no canon, you make your own.)

- I wish id gotten more time to talk w/ melina before she died. the cutscene was really nice and it felt like it implied a lot but i just didn't get to hang out with her enough for it to hit as hard as i think the creators intended it to. (or maybe im just more emotionally numb in general these days idk.) - that said, i really like the conversation you can have with her if you beat the boss at the end of the shunning grounds. "however ruined this world has become, however mired in torment and despair... life endures. births continue. There is beauty in that, is there not?" like fuck dude!! you're right!! there is beauty in that!! ( i then proceeded not to go looking for the frenzied flame, and instead just took the item in the chest and the incantation i got off the boss and left. ) - also i did some pvp invasion stuff for varre's questline since i wanted to see if anything in or around that area would have more fun blood flame incantations. (I have found none so far but i did find mohg!! who i have not fought yet.) Given my experience with pvp being primarily overwatch and destiny ( very different genre i know, but still) i kind of expected to just get repeatedly curbstomped by tryhards, but i actually didn't have too bad a time. I even manged to kill a person (or three. look three out of five is a pretty good track record for me ok??).

anyways i think that's all i have to say about that.

#for anyone in the main tag who finds this #this is primarily a destiny 2 blog and has been since it's founding (2019) #in case you're wondering why i bring that particular game up more than once #elden ring #rambles

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three Chapter 4

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 107k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Only one Xiang remains and her name is Merra. She hopes to unite the land by force and plow down anyone in her way—especially the people of Agni who she deems faithless and the native people of Terra who refuse to cooperate with her.

Raine continues to serve his Lord but he has taken to alcoholism to soothe his grief—a fact he keeps out of his letters with Heidi. Baiya has returned to mercenary work in order to keep his family safe while Kira is on the warpath. He, fully, takes on the title of Chaaya and means to defeat the Xiang he sees as false.

And, in a guarded castle in Enlil, a stir-crazy Princess dabbles in the dark arts, setting in motion something even Tiandi cannot see.

Full chapter 4 under the cut

Chapter IV:

The trip back to the living quarters was quiet and only a few whispers were shared among the group as they went their separate ways. May and Fujin into the princess’ room and Parvati into the shadows. Pangu followed Kaz down a short hallway to a different room and was pushed inside when he took too long to enter.

It was large, open, and there was a lounging space in the entrance with a few halls leading to other areas. Like a house within a house. A handful of candles burned throughout, giving a soft glow that felt like walking through a haze.

“You seem a bit slow,” Kaz mentioned as he briskly walked past Pangu. He eyed him with suspicion and his brows dipped inward. “Blood is not pooling in your legs, is it?”

Pangu glanced down and lifted up each foot individually. He did not notice a sluggishness within himself but being able to move at all was a huge leap from his stagnancy before. He returned his gaze to the blonde man and shrugged.

“Still cannot talk?”

He tried. “N….n-no.”

The word was quiet and broken but it did come out and Kaz did understand it.

“That is a start.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. There was hardly any change in his facial expression—it was as if he was looking at a sick dog and was afraid whatever it had was contagious. “May’s other…experiments…could never speak. They could move though. Some of them.”

“W…wh…what,” Pangu struggled but once he got it out, he was renewed with vigor. His throat no longer felt as tense either. He was remembering how it felt to talk. At least he was remembering something. “Did…she…d-do?”

Kaz stared at him for a moment and then dropped his arms but it was not a break in his defense like Pangu hoped. Instead, he kept walking, into a different room.

Pangu followed him and noted that it must be the bedroom. A wide bed rested against the far side and a window was placed high on the left facing wall, letting in starlight and a small sliver of moonlight. White, see-through curtains billowed softly and there was a salty scent in the air.

The sea.

Home.

His attention snapped back to Kaz when he spoke again. “She started about six months ago, maybe longer.” He sighed and rested his hands on his hips. “She did not tell me right away what was going on and I found out through my sister.”

Fujin and May did seem closer so it stood to reason they would share more secrets between each other. Pangu was not sure why but he felt their relationship was brave—profound even—though he really knew nothing about it.

“I accompanied them the second or third time and I watched as May robbed the tomb of her ancestor, picking out their bones and using them in a ritual to bind another corpse to her. It worked…I suppose, since the corpses did reanimate but they did not survive for long.”

“W-why?” Pangu asked.

“Why did they not survive for long?”

That was not, exactly, what he had intended but he was curious about that as well so he nodded.

“According to May and her…mentor…the souls were not a match and the magic, or whatever, was not strong enough.” Kaz lifted his shoulders and then let them droop with a sigh. “She had hoped to raise something of an army at one point but I suppose one especially powerful corpse is good enough as well.”

They looked at one another for a long moment, both contemplating two very separate matters. Pangu wondered why May was so insistent on this method for whatever she needed help with. He knew it was something to do with her parents, which he had gathered through context, but he had yet to be told what, exactly, he would be doing for her.

Kaz’s mind was a bit simpler, it seemed, as he said, “At least you do not smell like the others.”

Pangu blinked a few times and then turned his head to the side to smell himself. There was a faint floral scent—perhaps lavender—as well as a whisper of salt but that could have very well been from the air around them.

“The others were rotting,” he continued, “Disgusting…rancid. You at least look alive…even if you are not.”

The merits of that were still strange to Pangu as well. He could feel his heart pumping blood and his chest expanded with every breath he took. Though he could not remember what it felt like to breathe and be alive before, he assumed it was not much different to now. It was hard to imagine being any other way.

“W…what….d-does May want…me…t-to do?” Pangu asked after a moment, proud of how much he was able to enunciate, even if it pinched his throat and left him feeling sore.

Though, if he kept practicing like this, he hoped he might be able to talk just fine. Maybe then no one would suspect him of being dead at all.

Kaz’s eyebrow quirked and he realized that neither he, nor May, (nor anyone else) had actually told the dead man of his mission. They usually never came so far as to have the chance. “Oh…right.” He cleared his throat. “I am sure she will fill you in tomorrow but, seeing as how the princess can be a little…scatter brained sometimes, she will probably leave a few details out. It, in fact, might be best if I just inform you now and she can give you a refresher tomorrow.”

Pangu nodded and leaned against the side of the bed, feeling a bit faint and tired. The second his palm touched the throw blanket, however, Kaz jumped forward.

“Do not sit on my bed!” He pushed him to the side, with that same face he had shown earlier. Like he was diseased. Even when he touched Pangu’s arm while completely covered in armor and gloves, he still curled his lip up. “Just because you do not seem dead does not mean I want a dead body touching where I sleep.”

So, Pangu continued to stand, shifting his weight between feet—a pretty poor substitute for being able to sit down.

Kaz quickly recovered from his outburst although he did rub his hand along the side of his armor as if to wipe away the germs. “Anyway, as you already know, May is a princess. She is the heir to the throne of Enlil.”

“Of Mythos,” Pangu said, surprising himself.

“…Yes…how did you know?”

“I smelled the sea,” he explained. In his mind, he could see a fuzzy image—a map—and he could pinpoint where they must be.

“Do you remember something…?”

Pangu shook his head. “I k-know that there are two capitals. Mythos on Ven and Sayd in Kalia. They have b…been at odds for a while. Sayd is n-newer and wishes to take over…”

“I would say that counts as remembering something,” Kaz argued, “Nothing personal but if you remember current affairs then that makes your job easier.”

“Does May want war?”

“No, not really.” He went back to crossing his arms. “Her issue is with her parents. They wish to marry her to the Prince of the Oma family. The Xiang…well, the new one, apparently, has asked that they unify Enlil so that we can have a stronger force against Shakti when the time comes.”

The words stung in Pangu’s head. He cringed and shook his head. “I…it cannot be so simple…”

“That is what May thinks,” Kaz replied but then tilted his head to the side, “Well, maybe not exactly. Mostly, she just does not want to marry the guy. She does not even want to rule. But her station is what it is and she cannot change it unless her parents were to…change their minds. Diplomacy—or, May’s version of it—has not worked so she seeks to resort to force.”

“So…” Pangu frowned. “I am to threaten…o-or kill her parents?”

“It should not come down to killing them. That would be very…inconvenient for May and the country.” He did not seem convinced as he spoke.

“The war would be decided,” Pangu offered, off-handed.

Kaz actually snickered though it was hard to tell with the hard expression still on his face. If anything, it sounded more like a hiss. “That is one way of looking at it.”

“What else…d-did the Xiang ask May to do…?”

The sudden jump backward in conversation took Kaz by surprise. He had clearly not expected Pangu to talk so much, especially after just relearning how to. He had not expected his mind to be working so quickly either.

“Um, well, I was not there. Neither was May, actually, the King and Queen just relayed the message.” He tapped his gloved index finger against the chainmail on his bicep. “She has been by twice, I think. Once to ask us if we could spare soldiers for a scrimmage on Kyrie’s border. The Oma family helped more with that since they were closer and all. Then, she came back to suggest an end to our civil war—the marriage. I thought it felt a bit like a child’s solution but the King and Queen are not opposed to it.”

“Because the Xiang suggested it…?”

“Maybe.” Kaz shrugged. “They are far more religious than any of us.”

Pangu frowned. He could not hold back his next words, as if they were being spoken directly by his soul. “The Xiang is supposed to avoid politics.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow high as he regarded him. “Truly? Well she clearly does not follow that rule.” He then dropped his arms and shifted his weight. “Then again, according to that Parvati woman, the Gods or what-have-you, killed you for disobedience and did their damndest to erase you from existence. I imagine that was harder in places you actually went to and not like here where we only saw ‘the Xiang’ recently. We knew that one had been born but I suppose she just introduced herself as you…in a way.”

He felt sick but did not know why, not exactly. A nagging in the back of his mind told him that the marriage suggestion was not all it seemed. That there was a dagger hidden under a cloak.

“If she…if she is lying about that…what else could she lie about?”

“Good point.” Both of Kaz’s eyebrows rose that time. “The marriage. Maybe it is not so simple.”

Pangu was glad they could agree on something, especially something so, potentially, important. If the marriage plans were a cover for something else, he wondered what the Xiang’s true plans were. The warning in his gut told him all sorts of things but they were mostly shadows—threats—he had no real idea.

If he could remember anything from before his death, he knew that would help. But, so far, straining was getting him nowhere.

The soft clanking of Kaz’s armor made Pangu look up. He watched as the man looked toward him and then past him, out the window.

“Shit, I only have a few hours to sleep before work. I talked for too long.”

Pangu continued to watch him as he paced to the opposite end of the room and began to remove his armor. He started with the greaves and bracers then moved onto the belt, and then the breastplate. Metal and some bunches of fabric were tossed to the floor until only a thin under shirt and undergarments were left. He was quite thin outside of all the armor but there were curves that Pangu could see through his clothes that showed lean, firm muscles. His legs, especially, were long and elegant but, besides them, he found himself staring at his cinched waist and the toned glutes below.

Kaz turned around and, immediately, recoiled. “Do not just watch me like that! It is creepy.”

“Oh…” Pangu felt warm in the face and he turned to the side, obviously too late. “Sorry.”

“I surely hope you were not like this when you were alive,” Kaz grumbled and walked to his bedside.

A lump formed in Pangu’s throat which he tried, in vain, to swallow. “Um…where…should I sleep?” He knew he was not allowed on the bed and he assumed similar rules were in place for the rest of the furniture as well. “The floor?”

“Anywhere but my bed.”

He turned away as Kaz actually climbed under the sheets, not wanting to be scolded any further. While he heard the creaking and groaning from the bed, he lowered himself to the floor. He found a carpet that lay over the cold stone and he dragged it to the side so he could lay on something somewhat comfortable.

It did not help much and Pangu could feel each individual stone as he turned. He kept on his side and stared up at the window, watching the curtains once more.

As exhausted as he felt, the idea of sleep was deeply troubling. All he could think was that, if he let his consciousness slip away again, he would never come back. Everything that had been done to revive him would be for naught and he would return to that confining void for the rest of eternity.

Pangu curled into himself and kept his eyes open, not even wanting to risk it. His mind was probably too busy to allow him to sleep anyway but he focused on the window and the few stars he could see from it. Occasionally, a cloud would pass and he would try to find shapes in it to stay distracted.

#the xiang chronicles #my novel #my writing