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saul-okayman · 2 months

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This is my LONG vent about everything which I should prob not post

We have had big fights and I made sacrifices too, like during COVID I went to his country on a tourist visa to stay together. But we were leaving country A (where we met) and I had to go to my home Country B Before going to Country C

And I had to isolate for 2 full weeks, so ovb I wanted to be with my family after that, I either spent a month out of isolation or 2 weeks before leaving for COuntry C. And then He was mad when I left for 6 weeks (2 isolation and 4 w family) around Christmas time.

Then he did 3 years with me in Country B

There was one incident In country C where we went to a new take out restaurant to get food for us, and his sister (plus her wife) BEFORE the grandparents birthday.

The food took forever, and took so long that he came into the restaurant, yelled at me before leaving. I was tearing up and the server had to keep asking of I was okay. I get the food and we keep fighting in the car, he keeps yelling, I'm crying and yelling back. In a fit of rage he tries to throw out the snack I bought him out the window. I stop crying when we get to his sister's house.

We open the food, see they forgot to pack an item, and I immediately start sobbing. AND WE STILL GO TO HIS GRANDPARENT'S BIRTHDAY? AND I FORGIVE HIM IN THE SAME DAY????

That was the first and only time something like that happened in the past 5 years but I still immediately forgave him.

I have a problem with cleaning, where I just CAN NOT bring myself to do it, out of sight, out of mind, if I do not have a list I will get overwhelmed and not do it, but I have been getting better. he cleans the kitchen every day for an hour BUT 80% if those dishes are his. When he was gone for a week-long work trip thing, I ran the dishwasher maybe twice.

One night I didn't do any cleaning and he flipped out and threw my earrings down the hall. They didn't break (thank god) and he apologized once before back to being mad about the cleaning.

I just feel like I dealt with so much of his mental illness that I forget people do actually break up over that. The anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts occurred when I went home for Christmas (6 weeks away) and he basically isolated himself from everyone. I feel like I have done SO MUCH to support him.

At first when my prof who tells students not to go for a PhD in sociology told ME she sew the drive in me to get one, he was like "great lets go where is best for you while I focus on my career" (as he has a PhD), then its "A PhD can not happen for you now bc I have mine and I can't let it go cold" and then "I'll move anywhere for your masters" to "Please only apply to masters in Provence A" to now which is "Only the big city ones I will go to because I can't like in an isolated small town, and I actually just want to go home, ie back with my parents I do not want any of this."

he's mad because I diden't immensely pick the university in a big city. That I would consider one in a small city. Huge yelling fights about how I am selfish and thinking of me and not US as a couple. And now that I;m holding him back from any job with his PhD.

I tried to explain why I still want to think about small city uni bc they REALLY want me to attend, keep talking about my research interests, and I am FLATTERED. I think they're stupid at times but I AM FLATTERED. I told him, he was sad over that and understood then called me manuplitive for that.

When I'm mad, I'm mad and want nothing to do with a person. He is flip-flopping from saying "I love you, we're not going to break up." to "You're a self-obsessed monster and I have to lie to myself that I am happy in this city and lie to myself about how you act sometimes."

I asked if he still wanted me to kiss him when he went to work today, and he said yes, then after told me he was lying to himself and he did not want one but did not want me to be sad. Is if he did not call me a "shellfish bitch" this morning.

it's just SO hot and cold. Making me cry last night and once I'm in bed, telling me how he wished he could meet his grandfather and talk about politics. Took a (would be funny of not fighting) photo of me when I fell asleep mid duolingo last night and sent it to me.

He goes to Country C on Sunday night or Monday am for a trip he booked a while back. Maybe he'll just return to get his stuff.

What hurts most is he wants to keep our cat.

#Ily and I'm sorry of you read all of this #probs better not to I just want to vent and rant before I have to pretend everything is fine at work #jessposting

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liesoverthec · 3 years

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OG 911 Character Details from Canon Pt 1

Hi folks! Welcome to my post of character details for fic writers or really anyone who wants to know! All of these details come directly from the show - they’re just things I picked up on watching the show on intense repeat for screen time, so the details are about as canon as they can get. Some of them, like addresses, come from an specific episode, while others are trends I’ve picked up on. If you want a “citation” for a fact let me know and I can provide one if it exists!

I tried to include a good range of information between the 7 main characters, so that it was available for anyone.

I’m going to keep making these posts every time I get enough details collected so you can find them all under “911 canon character details” in the future! I’m committed to rewatching the whole series again for the regulars’ screen time, so I’ll be making more of these posts throughout the summer. If there’s something in particular you’d like to know, let me know and I can keep an eye out for it.

Things I noticed that might be interesting character details, part 1:

Athena and Bobby live at 1810 Fallsgrove St.

Eddie lives at 4995 S Bedford St Apt 403 (Julia made this fantastic post of the layout of Eddie’s house, and I’ve spent my own significant amount of time trying to work it out, so when I say this layout is spot on, I really mean it). (I believe this is more of a duplex situation - ie he has other neighbors attached to his outside walls, but no downstairs or upstairs neighbors.)

(These two locations are 8 minutes apart, which I personally thought was vvvvvv useful if you wanted to have someone rush from one place to another - also makes me think the 118 would be close to that neighborhood.)

Chim and Maddie live in apartment 2B. It’s a one-bedroom apartment, so currently Jee-Yun is sleeping in their room with them. I’ll be curious to know if they move as she gets older or if they magically spring up a bedroom for her - I just know there isn’t one at the moment bc Albert slept on their couch first, and then when he was injured, THEY slept on the couch.

Buck has two bathrooms! There’s one immediately to the left as you walk in his front door, and then one up in the loft, off the platform. Which I thought was a large number of bathrooms for a loft since it’s such a small space, but useful for when Christopher is visiting I suppose...

The hospital they go to for personal stuff is First Presbyterian. They’ve only started featuring its name prominently this season, but it’s the same waiting room and ER they’ve been using since s2, so I’d assume it’s also in the same neighborhood, since it’s fictional.) It’s on Altamont Street.

Given that you can see the Cecil Hotel from Michael’s apartment, I’d assume he either lives on S Spring St or S Los Angeles St. Either way he’s about twice as far from Athena and Bobby as Eddie is, and in the opposite direction.

Alcohol preferences - Athena prefers white wine, but will also drink rose and red, Hen drinks red and beer but doesn’t do it socially as much as everyone else, Chim is p much strictly beer unless it’s a fancy dinner (or tequila if he really wants to get drunk), Maddie prefers white wine, Buck drinks beer or white wine, and Eddie is a beer dude, red wine if it’s a fancy occasion (this is what they choose if they have a choice like at a bar, or if they’re hosting - eg when Athena hosts, EVERYONE drinks white because that’s what she’d choose.)

Eddie does not have the Hildy coffee maker on his kitchen counter - he still has an older model that only makes coffee.

He also likes to decorate in the color turquoise! (Maybe Shannon liked turquoise so that’s what he tends to buy?? That’s your decision, there’s just a lot of it in his kitchen. Also, his laptop case is turquoise!)

Hen gets a new pair of glasses every year. (Which means she’s doing better than me, I only get a new pair when I lose the old ones 😂)

Athena has two big diamond rings, and she wears one on each of her ring fingers (Bobby has good taste). She does not wear her rings while working.

Bobby has a gold wedding band for home, and wears a black silicone ring at work.

Hen wears her wedding ring all the time, and it’s a plain silver band.

Eddie had a gold wedding band while he was married to Shannon, and he wore it while on active duty in the Army (even during the helicopter crash). He is wearing it after Shannon leaves, but he takes it off before he comes to LA. His St. Christopher’s medal is silver with a navy border, hanging on a silver chain.

Chim prefers the short sleeve uniform. He really never wears the long sleeved one.

Eddie likes soft jazz, and will play it in the background during dinner. Idk if it’s his favorite type of music, but he likes it enough to put it on.

Buck has a picture of the ocean (I think? it’s definitely some sort of landscape) in his work locker - no other photos currently. Eddie has also been seen using this same locker.

Everyone has an iPhone and if they have a computer, it’s a Mac (this one is just bc capitalism - the show is sponsored by Apple). Hen has a red phone case, and Maddie has a navy one with gold trim, everyone else’s is super boring black/navy.

Maddie’s contact for Chim is “Howie” in her phone.

In Eddie’s phone, his contact for Buck is just “Buck”.

Bobby is just “Bobby” in Buck’s phone.

Christopher’s current interests are space and dinosaurs. And gaming!

In addition to Eddie and Albert, Chim also seems to like baseball, going off the jersey on his wall.

Every time we’ve seen Buck and Eddie drive somewhere together, Buck has driven and Eddie took the passenger seat.

Both Eddie and the Wilsons have a fireplace in their living room with framed photos of their kids at various ages.

Karen is a doctor! It’s a PhD, so she couldn’t join the team as a medic, but it does make them the future Drs Wilson. Her specialization is something to do w/ physics or chemistry etc, b/c she worked on a project for JPL on Mars, so you can run with that.

Michael is an architect, and David is a neurosurgeon who can help with emergency medicine.

Work masks: Bobby, Maddie and Athena prefer masks with a loop over each ear, while Eddie, Chim, Buck and Hen use the ones with two straps behind the head. Everyone uses the two ear loop ones for personal time.

Buck sleeps with socks on.

I hope the start to this list met up to your expectations, but if you’re looking for more then it will be on the way soon! I just wanted to get this first set out (plus it was looking a little long in my drafts 😂)

Lots of love!

🐝

Tagging: @imaginebuck

#911 fox #9-1-1 #911 on fox #911 canon character details #athena grant #bobby nash #maddie buckley #evan buckley #hen wilson #chimney han #eddie diaz #buddie #bathena #madney #henren #userac #alcohol

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made. I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years. We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends. It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media. I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs! When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’ We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her. I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones. Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it? You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable. Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was. What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her. Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible). Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative. I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).

Really, RivkaT? A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy. I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either. It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued. I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic. Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.” And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #mustangsally

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somecunttookmyurl · 3 years

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I'm very curious about the research you mentioned concerning CYP2D6 metabolism. Could you post or DM the name of the study? Is your plan to inhibit CYP2D6 by taking CBD or an anti-histamine to increase the effectiveness of the anphetamine based ADHD meds you're taking? Seems like an interesting (and well researched) plan - I hope it works for you if that's what you're doing!

YOU ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD. I’m gonna put this under a readmore so as to not bore the other 3,066 of you with weirdly specific pharmacology and pharmacogenetics talk Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, or a pharmacist, or any sort of medical professional at all. I have absolutely zero qualifications in pharmacology I’m just a nerd with half a psychology degree, a talent for study design, and shitty fucking doctors.

So I first learned about CYP26D metabolism (and the broader P450 cytochrome) in like 2017 from a friend doing a PhD in things much smarter than me. I’ve always been a Feral Drug Goblin (resistant if not immune to a lot of drugs) and she seemed to think that’s what was happening. Which tracks because like. 90% of the stuff that doesn’t work on me is a CYP2D6 substrate (the rest are CYP3A4 so I might have more than one defect, but if there’s something funky going on on 3A4 the effect is less pronounced)

Later discovered I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) and like... many if not most EDS sufferers have *at least* one P450 defect . Around 80% or so of people with chronic pain more generally have at least one P450 defect. It’s not something I’ve been tested for because a) even though CYP2D6 metabolism and its effect on drug treatment has been studied for like 30 years, the NHS only started introducing genomic testing for it in 2019 and b) getting a referral would require finding a doctor who knows what it is which, like, lmao. Honestly though we can be about 99% certain I’m an ultrarapid metaboliser, all things considered. Mostly I want a genomic test to see if any of the others are broken.

Now, I don’t know why it took me four years to think of it but over the weekend at 2:30am (I’m not allowed to have a thought during daylight hours actually) that like... logically speaking... if you gave a potent CYP2D6 inhibitor to an ultrarapid metaboliser it would normalise (or at least improve, depending on how many functional copies of the gene I’m dealing with like people have been found with thirteen copies) the metabolic function. Absolute galaxy brain moment.

Of course combining a CYP2D6 substrate and a CYP2D6 inhibitor generally carries a “moderately severe” interaction warning because if you’re alrealy, like, normal that could be dangerous. So I had a dig around to see if anybody had studied that specific thing and whether it was actually safe.

It took me... a pretty long time because this concept is massively understudied. I mean there’s 1001 studies on “does being an ultrarapid metaboliser of CYP2D6 affect [x substrate drug]” to the extent it’s like... yeah dude. The answer is yes. It’s always yes. I think we’ve proved this concept. Don’t think you need to do it for every single drug. We get it. There are a couple though. Both of the studies were only 5 participants, and were done 20 years ago (2000 and 2001) but in both cases all participants showed... honestly pretty amazingly positive responses and no ill effects. Which is why I’m so baffled that seemingly nobody has studied it since. Like “well, this went fantastically well! We shall never speak of it again” The first study gave the participants debrisoquine hydroxylation, which is the substance they use to test the function of CYP2D6 when they do the genomic test. So they weren’t on a CYP2D6 substrate already they were given it specifically for the study. Then they were given quinidine (an anti-arrhythmic which has sadly been disconintues) as an inhibitor. Without quinidine, the metabolic ratio of debrisoquine in the participants after 6 hours was 0.01 - 0.07. Which is, like, fuck all. With quinidine that amount was 12.6, 10.1, 9.2, 2.4, and 2.2. Participants had 3, 3, 4, 13, and 13 copies of the gene respectively so the more copies you have the less improvement you see, but < 0.1 to 2.2 is still huge https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2014903/ The second study in 2001, also 5 participants, administered nortriptyline as the substrate and then used paroxetine (an SSRI) as the inhibitor. After taking nortriptyline for a week, all participants had very low subtherapeutic levels of the drug in their systems. Following 2 weeks of treatment with paroxetine, 4/5 participants had normally-expected therapeutic levels of noritryptiline. The other participant withdrew after 1 week of paroxetine treatment after getting side effects from it but still had an increase in noritryptiline levels in that time so it was working he just didn’t tolerate paroxetine very well. https://sci-hub.se/https://ascpt.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1016/S0009-9236(01)78384-1

Those are, to my knowledge, the only studies done specifically to test whether you can normalise liver function using an inhibitor. There is a case study from 2006 of a 6 year old boy with ADHD who didn’t respond to drugs and was confirmed to be an ultrarapid metaboliser. The authors recommend usage of an inhibitor in such cases

https://sci-hub.se/https://journals.lww.com/psychopharmacology/Citation/2006/08000/An_ADHD_6_year_old_Child_Ultrarapid_Metabolizer.25.aspx

I can’t have paroxetine or fluoxetine because I have a bipolar-spectrum disorder and historically me and SSRIs are not friends. However buproprion (wellbutrin) is an inhibitor which I was prescribed before to counteract a side effect from atomoxetine and like I was definitely more functional at the time? But that was way before I had this genius plan, or knew it was an inhibitor, so. There’s been a supply issue here for it since July. So yeah. I’m going to be taking CBD. Amphetamines do absolutely fuck all by themselves so like literally my plan is “taking weed pills to try and make my liver talk to meth properly” which sounds absolutely ridiculous. Gonna be hilarious if it fuckin’ works. I’m going to be doing a proper study and writing it all up and everything. Emailed the researchers involved in the 3 studies to see if they’re interested in my data like 20 years later lmao but if you wanna read the study outline it’s here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TOnToHMH7UhYMFM9qtv-4ZWmaV7Pr6IQeYv6QDAGVrQ/edit?usp=sharing Just gonna keep going unti it either works, or the amount of CBD required becomes too expensive (which would be like 9 weeks max bc I can’t afford to be taking more than 60mg CBD every day forever).

#thepropervillain #bet you regret asking now huh

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aal-archaeology · 4 years

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Ph.D. Applications for Anthropology/ Humanities/ Social Sciences (with examples from a success story)

Doing a Ph.D. is a really scary thought. Especially in humanities and social sciences. Especially in today’s job market.

Here I’m going to speak a little about my approach to Ph.D. applications, why I chose to do what I did, and how I put it all together including examples.

1. The Doubt

After coming out of my Master's degree, I already had a year of research set up, so I didn’t have to think about jobs like all of my friends I had made during that degree. I watched many of them struggle to find a job offer. Some were successful in attaining a job in Cultural Resource Management, a couple got smaller jobs in local museums, but for the most part it induced a lot of stress to have come out of a Master’s degree with no prospects.

How I imagined my future at that time: I knew I didn’t want to work in a museum, I knew I didn’t like Cultural Resource Management, I knew that after all this hard work I didn’t want to end up underpaid somewhere doing data entry.

A Ph.D. has always been something that I wanted. Ever since entering the Anthropology discipline, I imagined myself working towards becoming a Professor.

Here’s what I was told when I started to consider a Ph.D. Program:

“Don’t do it” (said by someone who already had her Ph.D.)

“I wish I had gone into something with more money, even after my Ph.D. its been difficult to find stable work”

“If you’re doing a Ph.D. in social sciences, ONLY go if you are fully funded, otherwise it is not worth the financial debt”

“Most people don’t get in their first try, that's why people apply to 10+ schools”

Coming up with a plan: After hearing this, I came up with a couple different options. Plan A: Apply to Ph.D. programs, if I get into one my first try and it's fully funded then I’ll do it. Plan B: Find a job in Environmental consulting, I could put my GIS experience to use, make some money, and then try again for a Ph.D. later down the road if I wanted. Plan C: Move to Japan and live out my weeb dreams (I’m part Japanese and have a lot of family there so this wasn’t as crazy as it sounds).

I was genuinely okay with any of these options. They all involve things that I enjoy, none of them are bad options, none of them would feel like “failure” if I ended up not getting into a program. I think this step is very important because it forces you to figure out what you care about, and allows you to be open to change if plan A doesn’t work out.

2. Choosing a Program to Apply to

I knew that I didn’t just want to apply anywhere. Getting a job outside of a PhD is already hard enough, and I wanted the school that I chose to reflect the work that I would put into it. As much as we want to think that name brands don’t matter when it comes to education, it sure as heck does help when it comes to opportunity and being selected amongst 100′s to 1000′s of applicants. Therefore, why not shoot for the stars? What’s the harm in trying. For this reason, I decided to only apply to schools that:

Had a prestigious name

Had a program that supported what I wanted to study and allowed for cross-disciplinary research (Digital Archaeology focused on SE Asia)

Had an advisor that had done research paralleled to mine (whether that included SE Asia or just Digital Archaeology in general).

I started research into programs with the Ivies and went down from there, also cross-comparing programs that had been ranked as best schools for studying Anthropology.

At the time of researching, the programs that stood out the most to me were:

Stanford (ideal because it was close-ish to home, fully funds their Phd students for 5 years, has opportunity for additional funding, had professor working with digital archaeology in Asia)

Harvard (had professor working in Digital Archaeology though it wasn’t in my preferred region, also has good funding, and its Harvard)

U Chicago (traditionally one of the top schools for Anthropology, however I had heard that a lot of this is because of “legacy” professors, and not much has come out of the department in recent years. Did not have someone specifically in my region of focus)

ASU (Also considered one of the top Anthropology schools, but funding is often fought for between students)

UC Berkeley (Had professors studying Asia, but it is a public school and also has limited guaranteed funding)

I sent e-mails to advisors that I thought I could support my research (this was probably around May, when applications are due Sep-Dec).

Hello Professor______,

My name is _______ and I am interested in applying to ________’s Doctoral program in Archaeology beginning in the fall of 2020. I would like to inquire whether you are accepting graduate students for this period, as my research interests align well with your research. I received my B.A. in __________ from _________ in 2017 and am currently _______. [Enter what you’re doing now, and any relevant experience that shows what you’re interested in researching]. [Enter something about their research, and why you’re interested in working with them/why you think you would work well with them]. I am eager to continue along this path and I feel as though your experience with _______could provide an interesting opportunity for future research. I would also be interested in working with [enter any other faculty that have similar interests, this shows that you’ve done some research into the program and the school in general] For your convenience, I have attached my CV here. If you have the time, I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you further about the program and future research.

Best,

Full name

I also researched the financial aid provided to incoming Ph.D. students. After doing this, the only schools that sounded good to me were Stanford and Harvard.

Yeah, I know, only applying to Stanford and Harvard was a “big risk,” but this is how I thought about it:

I don’t want to commit to a Phd program for 5+ years if it's not fully funded, doesn’t have a big name, and isn’t going to guarantee opportunity after graduating.

I wanted an environment where I knew I could be happy under immense amounts of pressure (California by family, Boston by friends).

If I didn’t get in, I had back up options that honestly sounded really fun to me, so I was okay with pursuing those instead.

I didn’t want a Ph.D. just to have a Ph.D., I wanted a degree that would set me apart from others so that I could give myself the best chance for success afterward. I wanted one that, if pursued, could lead me to become a professor.

So I applied to 2 Schools.

I got scolded for this by many people... but whatever...I got in, so ha. Why spend money and time on an application for a school that you don’t really want to go to? :P

3. Applying to a Program

What an application looks like:

1. At least 3 recommendation letters:

Mine were:

Undergraduate Anthropology Advisor who has been helping me throughout the years with grant applications, etc. She knows me well, can speak well to my accomplishments. She is also a very well decorated anthropologist.

Undergraduate Professor of Geography who can speak to my GIS coursework. I’ve been updating him with my whereabouts and successes since graduating, so we have kept in touch regularly since taking his course.

My Master's dissertation advisor (he stressed me out submitting his letter 3 hours before the deadline >:| )

It’s good to have your recommendation letters come from people within the academic world. These people can write on your ability to achieve your research goals, your drive, etc. It’s okay to have maybe one letter from a workplace environment, however, it’s best to get as much street cred as you can from these letters, and this comes from Professors that know what they’re doing.

2. Curriculum Vitae (C.V.): This is important because it shows everything you’ve accomplished up to this point. This is how mine was set up:

Full Name, Current Position, Email, Phone Number

Education: University Name, City, Degree in ____

Publications: In Edited Volumes, Journal Articles, Manuscripts in Preparation

Conference and Workshop Participation: Papers, Presentations

Grants, Awards, and Fellowships:

Research Experience: Project Roles, Fieldwork

Teaching Experience

Additional Employment History

Leadership and Extracurriculars

Skills/Languages

A C.V. is a list of EVERYTHING you’ve done in your career, unlike a resume which is tailored to the specific job that you’re applying to. If you’d like a specific example, send me a DM.

3. Personal Statement: This is where you tell them why you want to be there and what makes you qualified. Why should they consider you?

Personal Statement Example

1st paragraph, introduce the program and your research interests: I am applying to _____ for admission to the Ph.D. program in Anthropology with a focus in Archaeology. My research interests are to explore [the consequences of ..... on the environment and human responses to environmental change] in [region of the world], and how these actions of the past can be visualized through the use of remote sensing and GIS applications to archaeology.

2nd paragraph, why you’re interested in what you’re doing: I learned the value of digital applications in archaeology through my undergraduate and master’s degree. [Digital archaeology] is appealing to me because [.........]. I first became interested in [example of why you’re interested in the topic/what inspires you]. After witnessing this, I began to seek out opportunities to partake in similar research.

3rd and 4th paragraph, what makes you qualified to pursue this degree?: I have many research experiences that qualify my pursuit of a Ph.D. dedicated to using digital methods in Anthropological research. [Talk about your undergrad experience, do some name-dropping of professors you’ve worked with], [why did these experiences inspire you to take the next step?], [how are you where you are now because of them?]

5th paragraph, what are you doing now?

6th paragraph, why this school in particular?: This is where you name drop the professor you are interested in working with, talk about how their research aligns well with yours by mentioning specific things that they’ve done such as theoretical approaches. What are you interested in doing that would fit well within this program? Are there any facilities on campus that you are particularly eager to work with? Show that you’ve done your research.

7th paragraph, what do you plan to do after you get your Ph.D. from this institution?: With goals of continuing archaeological research in ________ and expanding off the networks that I have established in _______, ________’s doctoral program in Anthropology is the ideal match to further my career as a Digital/Landscape Archaeologist. The Ph.D. in Anthropology at _______ allows for _________[reasons why you like the program]. Ultimately, my postgraduate goals are to remain in academia by continuing research and gaining a university faculty position. My foundation in archaeology gained in my undergraduate, graduate, and ______experiences have equipped me with a unique set of abilities to offer to ______’s Anthropology graduate program, and I look forward to the opportunity to exchange ideas with faculty and students alike.

Have your resume and statement looked over by as many eyes as you possibly can. It took me a good 6-10 revisions before settling on something that I liked.

4. Let the professors that you’ve been in contact with know

This puts you at the front of their minds when application review comes around. They’ll be like “oh yeah, this person messaged me about this.” I hadn’t spoken to the professors that I reached out to since those first few exchanges back in May, so sending this message was very valuable to remind them of my existence.

This email can be as simple as: Hi Professor ____, I hope you have been well since we last spoke. I am writing to inform you that I have submitted my application to _______. Since our last chat I’ve been [whatever you’re up to now that's relevant]. I look forward to hearing from _____ soon. Best, Me.

5. Productive Waiting

Yay, you’ve submitted! That was hard, but you made it through. Time to start diving into those other plans you’ve been thinking about. What will you do if you get into your top school? What will you do if you don’t get into your top, but you do get into your 2nd or 3rd choice? What if you don't get into any of them?

Remember that none of these options are bad, and in this world, you have to be open to change and welcome it. A Ph.D. is a really long commitment, and it doesn’t have to happen right away.

If you get in, accept only if:

It has the research you’re looking for

It has an advisor that’s supportive of what you’re doing

It’s transparent about what it offers its students

The current students are happy with the culture of the program and quality of life

The location is something you're comfortable with (for me having family nearby was a very important factor)

The money you are offered is enough to live the lifestyle you need to maintain good mental health

There is an opportunity for networking and expansion of your research outside of the university

As always, feel free to reach out with any questions at @aal.archaeology on Instagram or DM here! I’m happy to share my documents with you.

Happy writing!

-Lyss

390 notes · View notes

eliotquillon · 4 years

Text

the h.i.v.e timeline

(this is going to end up massive, so sorry in advance to all my none h.i.v.e followers).

obligatory disclaimer that while i’m trying to follow canon fairly closely here, i know i might have missed some details; this is a writeup of a google doc i made immediately after my feb reread and while i have reread books 1 and 2 since then, i haven’t had the time to double check anything from dreadnought onwards. there are also canon elements that i am deliberately ignoring/reordering, and i will make it clear that i am doing so when those details come up.

part one: student ages

currently, we only have two canon ages: raven, who is thirty-one in deadlock (or thereabouts; i’m basing this off her being 16 when she tries to kill nero and that being in the 15 years ago flashback), and otto, who we know turns thirteen just before he is sent to h.i.v.e (the specific age comes from the blurb of book one). we also know that nero taught diabolus and duncan cavendish as students, and that h.i.v.e was founded in the 1960s, which seems vague but actually gives us a lot to work with; cavendish’s records being faked implies that h.i.v.e does provide public examination results for its students, and that h.i.v.e’s entry year was deliberately chosen to parallel the english private school system (which, unlike the state system, is split into pre-prep, prep, and senior), where entry to senior school coincidentally takes place at the same age of entry to h.i.v.e

when it comes to making age estimations for students during the various points of the series, i’m making three assumptions:

1. all students in otto’s year are thirteen when they start h.i.v.e, just like otto.

2. otto turns thirteen in august 2006, making him one of the youngest students in his year, assuming the h.i.v.e school year starts in early september like most british schools. most of the ‘age’ section of this hinges off otto, because he’s the only student who is given an age and is seen celebrating a birthday.

3. the six years spent at h.i.v.e span what would be year 9-13 + the first year of university in the british system. in the american system this is grades 8-12 + the first year of university. therefore, students graduate at the age of nineteen.

h.i.v.e:

every first year alpha is thirteen.

the overlord protocol:

this is still set in first year, but is months after the events of book one. otto is still thirteen, but we can assume that, at this point, some people have turned fourteen. my money would be on wing, shelby, and possibly franz as being the older kids in their year (and therefore fourteen), but the semantics don’t really matter.

escape velocity:

this is the first book with a sizeable time skip - we see otto trying to steal the end-of-year exam for second years. this means everyone is now at least fourteen, and because (in my personal experience) late july/august birthdays aren’t very common, i’d wager that shelby, wing, laura, and franz are all fifteen; i’m excluding nigel here because i think, based off his physical description, he’s probably one of the younger kids in his year, and otto is obviously still fourteen, nearly fifteen. this is supported by raven telling otto that she was almost exactly the same age as the core four when she went on her first mission; we know from deadlock that she was sixteen, which would only be a year (max) older than the alphas at this point in time.

dreadnought:

dreadnought is set at the start of third year; we know this because the 93-percenter is specifically a third year field trip. this means that everyone, including lucy, is fifteen.

rogue:

rogue is where our perfectly constructed timeline slips, because it seemingly ages otto backwards - it is set thirteen years after we see otto being cloned in the tank, which would make otto thirteen even though he ends dreadnought at fifteen. there are multiple potential explanations for this - i favour the idea that otto is registered as older than he is biologically because he’s a clone/genius and was left at the orphanage with no birth certificate - but either way, i’m still going to say that otto is fifteen and that everyone else is a third year and either fifteen or sixteen. side note: otto’s benjamin button trick here is one of my least favourite ‘slips’ of the series and ruins what is otherwise one of my favourite entries.

zero hour:

there is a year between rogue and zero hour, meaning zero hour is set in fourth year and that otto is sixteen (and again, everyone else is either sixteen or seventeen). in my original doc, i made a note saying that apparently everyone is still in third year, but based off a quick search for ‘three’ and ‘third’ in the ebook, there’s no proof for that. lucy dies when she’s sixteen/seventeen.

aftershock:

there’s another short timeskip here, and based off the fact that this is when penny and tom join and that it’s the introduction of new security chief dekker, we can guess that this is the beginning of fifth year (incidentally, the fact that nero and raven are available at the beginning of the book to go meet joseph wright in london does appear to suggest that nero wasn’t needed to teach that day, meaning that there is some form of summer holiday at h.i.v.e). i also think it’s likely that this is fifth year because penny and tom a) had time to gain relative notoriety for their thefts and b) would’ve needed to be at least sixteen to leave school and local authority care (although tom is apparently a year or two older than otto and penny according to book one) and it being fifth year sets everyone at seventeen. seventeen is actually pretty old for the alphas to be taken to the glasshouse (raven went at age eleven), but i think it does make sense that the hunt was targeted, and not the third years on the 93 percenter; tom and penny actually had time to go to lessons pre field trip, and lucy didn’t, meaning that the 93 percenter mostly likely happens in the first few days of the school year and was organised before dekker became a member of staff, which wouldn’t have given the disciples the necessary time to plan and execute a retrieval. also, laura was obviously in fifth year and not third, making the hunt a far more attractive choice for anastasia to target.

deadlock:

deadlock is similar to rogue in that it fluffs an important timeline detail, but it’s not relevant to ages here, so i’ll revisit it later. it’s set several months after aftershock, but seeing as no other students are recruited to pad out the three left in the alpha stream and that aftershock was only set in the first month or so of the school year, i think it’s safe to assume that everyone is still in fifth year at this point, so either seventeen or eighteen. my gut feeling is that shelby, franz, and wing are all eighteen, and that’s because they’re allowed on the mission to break into the glasshouse; obviously we see them get into danger/be involved in plans before this point, but this is the first time we see nero actively sign off on them being allowed into a tactical situation with a known risk to life (and i’ve made a shitpost on this, but raven does say that nero would “have her shot” if she brought thirteen year old otto into a tactical situation back in the overlord protocol, so i think the only way nero would’ve allowed this to happen was if the remaining alpha students were all legal adults). the exception to this is otto, who would still be seventeen, but seeing as he isn’t an enrolled h.i.v.e student at the time of the mission, i don’t think nero’s no-student policy applies to him.

book nine:

obviously none of us know what’s going to happen, but i think it’s safe to say book nine will probably be set in otto’s final year, when he’s eighteen.

part two: adult ages

really, i should just be transparent and call this what it is, which is just blatant nero age speculation. while it’s implied that nero is immortal in book one, this is also literally never mentioned again, and the only physical indicator we know is that he has a streak of grey in his hair. however, i do have a bunch of info that can give some clues at how old nero really is.

1. nero taught diabolus, and is implied to have been headmaster of h.i.v.e at this time. we’re not really sure how old diabolus is, either, but seeing as he has a teenaged son and was old enough to have had a considerable career and be made head of g.l.o.v.e, he can’t be any younger than his late thirties by the time he pops up in escape velocity, and i’m guessing he’s inching towards fifty purely because he isn’t described as being particularly young when we see him in hong kong with nero 15 years before the events of deadlock. (i am, however, aware that this means nothing, because walden sucks at describing people). that means nero’s been teaching some forty years, which lines up with him co-founding h.i.v.e with his father in the 60s, and seeing as h.i.v.e is nero’s great passion project, i don’t think he could’ve been any younger than 25 when h.i.v.e opened in the original icelandic facility. basically, this tells us what we already know: nero is old as shit, and doesn’t look it.

2. the duncan cavendish thing interests me a lot more, because we see that nero actively switched cavendish from polfi to alpha. again, it was already implied that nero was headmaster from the beginning, but this shows that nero was always running the show and wasn’t just initially his father’s apprentice as deadlock almost seems to hint at.

3. nero has a doctorate. “well duh”. but again, if nero had that doctorate when he founded h.i.v.e, he has to be nearing seventy. he could’ve gotten it earlier, sure, because nero is a very intelligent man, but he’s not otto-levels of academic genius. i don’t think he could’ve been any younger than 15/16 when he got his phd.

i did say that this would be an ‘adult ages’ section, so i’ll do a bit of background on raven, the only adult with timestamps. her being thirty one in deadlock makes her twenty seven in book one (if we follow the logic of otto being seventeen in deadlock), and because i personally believe the h.i.v.e timeline starts with book 1’s publication in 2006, this means raven was born around 1979 (which, if you subscribe to the theory that raven is elena and nero’s kid, makes her born after h.i.v.e was founded, which has some interesting implications about the origins of the glasshouse).

i know we’re all in mutual agreement about the soviet training being a bullshit throwaway line that walden wrote in before deciding to make raven a major player, but i’ll do the work of disproving it anyway: if raven was born in ‘79 and she came to the glasshouse at 11, that means she started her training in 1990. the soviet union officially fell in 1991, but the berlin wall fell in 1989, and the cold war was pretty much over by the time raven came to the glasshouse thanks to gorbachev’s new policies and military cuts. there is absolutely no way that the furans were soviet-funded, or that raven was trained by the soviet government. in fact, the only feasible way raven could’ve been trained by the soviet union in, quote from book 1 here, “their cold war prime”, would be for her to have been born almost a full 20 years earlier in the early 1960s, which would’ve made her middle aged in book 1. but, like, you tried walden.

part three: overlord

the overlord incident - the one that led to the destruction of the chinese facility and inadvertantly led to wing’s birth thanks to wu zhang and xiu mei shacking up together - is probably the most crucial part of the h.i.v.e timeline. without it, number one never would’ve been corrupted, otto wouldn’t have been born/manufactured, the seed code for h.i.v.emind wouldn’t have existed, cypher never would’ve launched his assault on h.i.v.e and nero (or felt the need to come into existence at all), and, of course, overlord himself wouldn’t have been the world’s most annoying LED lightshow for five books (because book one hardly counts). but even though raven had nothing to do with the original overlord incident, she’s still strongly linked to it. i’ll explain.

the overlord incident had to have happened before raven met nero. i can’t stress that enough, and this is the conflicting detail that i mentioned in deadlock. the nero’s internal monologue in the fifteen years before flashback appears to indicate that the overlord incident hasn’t happened yet - but that can’t be true, otherwise wing wouldn’t exist.

like i’ve laid out, wing is thirteen in late august 2006, and most likely eighteen (but at least seventeen) in 2010/11, aka deadlock. this gives him an approximate birth year of 1992/3, and all roads lead back to raven, who would’ve been fourteen when wing was born. already, that makes her too young to have met nero pre-overlord incident. but even more importantly, wu zhang and xiu mei only ended up together because of the overlord incident. like i said, if it weren’t for overlord, wing would not exist. we don’t know when wu zhang and xiu mei‘s friendship turned to romance, but if xiu mei got pregnant in 1992 (which fits with either of wing’s birth years - either he’s late ‘92 or early ‘93), i’d wager they got together in 1991 at the latest. raven would’ve been twelve.

i’m putting the overlord incident at a tentative year 1990, which would’ve allowed plenty of time for xiu mei and wu zhang to escape china together and fall in love before wing’s birth, and also gives overlord a handful of years to start corrupting number one to convince him into cloning himself to make otto (who was dropped off at the orphange in august ‘93). raven came to the glasshouse in 1990. there is absolutely no way she could’ve met nero while he was still making arrangements for overlord, unless wing was born after 1995 when raven tried to kill nero, in which case wing wouldn’t have been at h.i.v.e at the same time as shelby and laura (and nor would otto, come to think of it).

anyway, i’ll do a tl;dr with the final timeline below.

TL;DR (final timeline)

1960s: h.i.v.e is founded.

1979: raven is born.

1980s: both duncan cavendish and diabolus darkdoom presumably attend h.i.v.e during this period. the zero hour contingency plan is drawn up.

1990: overlord is created in a lab in northern china, and is destroyed by number one. it then takes up host in his body. there are three named survivors: nero, wu zhang, and xiu mei. raven is sent to the glasshouse.

1991: wu zhang and xiu mei move to japan and rename themselves as the fanchus. they fall in love around this point. this is also the year where raven tries to escape from the glasshouse and claws out pietor’s eye.

1992: overlord/number one starts work on cloning himself. xiu mei falls pregnant, and possibly gives birth.

1993: otto, shelby, wing, nigel, franz, laura and lucy are all born at varying points throughout the year. this is most likely also the year where dimitri is shot by anastasia furan, and raven is forced to murder tolya.

1994: presumably the year when h.i.v.e’s original location is compromised, and plans start being made to relocate from the icelandic facility.

1995: nero meets with the architect/his father to discuss his plans for the new h.i.v.e facility. raven tries to kill him. the first glasshouse burns.

1996-2005: construction on h.i.v.e 2.0 is completed. overlord slowly takes over more and more of number one’s body. survivors of the overlord incident start disappearing. xiu mei dies of unknown causes. nero receives his half of the amulet. lucy’s parents die of natural causes and she is sent to italy. gregori leonov’s son, yuri, attends h.i.v.e and graduates. cypher pops into existence around this time. diabolus darkdooms fakes his death.

2006: otto, wing, laura, shelby, franz, and nigel start attending h.i.v.e (cue the events of book one). duncan cavendish becomes prime minister.

2007: cypher launches his assult on nero after successfully convincing the contessa to join his cause. after cypher is captured and his identity is revealed, nero keeps him alive unbeknownst to number one. by august, everyone is fourteen.

2008: cue the events of escape velocity. number one and the contessa die. diabolus darkdoom is elected leader of g.l.o.v.e. cue the events of interception point. otto turns fifteen. lucy joins h.i.v.e at the beginning of september and the events of dreadnought take place. otto does not return to h.i.v.e.

2009: events of rogue. cypher and pietor furan die. otto turns sixteen at the end of august. laura’s baby brother, douglas, is conceived.

2010: douglas is born. the events of zero hour occur. lucy dies. overlord is destroyed. nero becomes leader of g.l.o.v.e and fires the ruling council. duncan cavendish steps down. construction of the new glasshouse is completed. otto turns seventeen. penny and tom join h.i.v.e. the events of aftershock occur, and otto is expelled.

2011: the events of deadlock occur. raven turns thirty one. tom dies. the new glasshouse is destroyed. the countdown for the disciples’ new batch of clones begins at 99 days. the artemis project discover the existence of h.i.v.e. at the end of year, otto is eighteen.

2012 onwards: otto turns nineteen and hopefully graduates h.i.v.e.

#h.i.v.e #otto malpense #the overlord protocol #escape velocity #deadlock #rogue #zero hour #aftershock #long post

24 notes · View notes

monstrous-femme · 4 years

Text

C + Student

Written for @mcuthere for the prompt: Maybe Paxton asks Devi to help him study for a test in their shared history class and Paxton opens up to Devi about his insecurity of people assuming he’s dumb

Read it here or on ao3.

The halls are full of noise. Football players shoving each other and landing in lockers, couples talking slightly louder than normal people ever talked (what, did they think they were on reality TV or something? There’s no hidden cameras,) and most of all, the noise that stomped its way through his brain the harder he tried not to think about the crumpled essay at the bottom of his bag.

not good enough not good enough not good enough not good enough not

and it’s almost midterms and last time he tried to take a test his mind had frozen up, his hands had sweat through the page like they never did before a swim meet, did teachers mark down for sweat marks on the paper, did they notice his lips moving as he read the questions to himself over and over

Paxton Hall-Yoshida needs a fucking miracle, which was why he’s forcing himself to move, down the racket of the hallway, (and really, did high schoolers need to be this loud?), wondering if there was any good way to tell a girl you were mad at that she was your only hope if you didn’t want to retake sophomore history a third time.

“Hey,” he says when he reaches her. His voice is so quiet that he doesn’t know if she can hear him over the din.

But Devi, of course, looks up. She smiles hesitantly. “Hey! I’m so glad you’re talking to me. I thought you were mad at me. For lying. About us, having—”

Paxton really, really does want to go over this all again. “I’ve thought of a way you can make it up to me.”

“Oh?”

He’s not trying to take advantage. He knows she has a crush on him, but he also knows that she’s brave, the kind of whirlpool of a girl who can proposition a boy for sex or talk to a coyote like it’s her dad. And he knows she’s loyal, and loves the people in her life, but most of all, what Paxton knows about Devi Vishwakumar is that when they turned in that project a few weeks ago, he and Trent had gotten by with B minuses and a suspicious glance from Mr. Shapiro. Devi had gotten an A and a little note from their teacher saying they knew she’d done most of the work.

(He hadn’t meant to peek. He just couldn’t imagine Devi Vishwakumar getting a B minus.)

“I need your help studying for our history midterm.”

A favor that would have made any of his other friends laugh in his face, and here she is, beaming at him like he just brought her a dozen fucking roses, and he knows she idolizes him, but he really needs to pass this class.

“I’ll meet you at your house after school,” she promises. “We won’t stop studying until you’re perfect to go. A+. I promise.”

Paxton tries to smile, but the pounding in his head is getting worse. “I’ll give you a ride,” he offers. “I’m skipping practice to study. We can go right after school.”

“Even better.”

The words in this textbook are too tiny and the section on Japanese internment uses misleading language to imply that it was voluntary. It wasn’t. Paxton might not be great at school, but he always listens when his grandpa talks to him, so he knows about his time in Manzanar, which the textbook misspells as Mazanar.

“So, if you write down three important things from every page, it’ll help your brain anchor itself so you can remember more of what’s on here. Sort of like a mind map. Detail one and detail two will help you remember what connects them. That way you don’t have to write down every single thing.”

Paxton nods, only half listening. The D- in his backpack is still weighing on him, and he doesn’t see how writing down three details from each page will do him any good when he wrote down every detail for the last test and still only scraped by with a C.

“Paxton?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you listening?”

“Not really, sorry, I just hate this stuff.” He tries to pass it off with a shrug, but he’s not sure it looks casual. Makes sense. He’s not feeling very casual right now.

“What stuff?”

“Tests.”

“Why?”

Paxton sighs. “I don’t know. I freeze up, and then I read the questions wrong, and I can hear everyone else writing while I’m still trying to understand what the hell I’m looking at.”

Devi’s nose scrunches up like it does when she’s confused. “Do you want to be good at school?”

“Um, yeah?”

“Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You know, my mom has a PHD in philosophy and my dad writes these crazy, like, sci-fi stories that I don’t understand at all.”

“But you don’t have to be smart. You’re hot and popular.”

He groans. “Devi, don’t do that.”

“What? What am I doing?”

“That thing where you refuse to notice that I’m a person because I have qualities that you specifically are interested in.”

“Everyone’s interested in being hot and popular.”

“Is that why you told the whole school you were having sex with me?”

“Technically I just told them when we were going to have sex and didn’t tell them it didn’t happen. Anyway, you said that this would be a way I could make it up to you.”

Paxton looks at her levelly. “But is that why you told them?”

Devi hesitates. “Because you’re hot and popular?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe.”

“That’s what I thought.”

She looks down for a moment, and this isn’t what he wanted, he wasn’t trying to dampen her spark, he’s just sick of everybody needing him for all the wrong things. All he wants to do is get into a pool and swim until his calves burn. Swimming makes sense. Taking care of his friends makes sense. Being popular makes enough sense, because there are rules to follow.

But none of the rules should involve making someone as vibrant as Devi Vishwakumar look this sad.

“Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Devi shakes her head. “No. I’m just thinking about—something my dad taught me. He said he wasn’t good at tests either, so he taught me all these tricks—maybe that’s what you need.”

“What kind of tricks?”

She stretches out her legs, shoving the textbooks off to the side. “Have you ever read through a test and realized that one question has the answer for another one in it?”

“Um, no.”

“Well, it happens. And Mr. Shapiro is the kind of teacher who does that a lot, so you could start by reading through the whole test at the beginning and see what clues he gives you. And my dad had this whole thing about gum—he said if you chew gum while you study and chew the same gum while you take the test, it’ll help you do better.”

“I don’t think Mr. Shapiro will let me have gum in class.”

“He has to if you have a learning disability. Do you think you might be dyslexic? It’d be easy to find out and that might be why you have trouble reading quickly.”

Paxton nods. “Okay,” he said. “Tell me more of these tricks. Maybe this’ll actually help.”

He listens as well as he can, but his mind keeps drifting to Devi’s smile. He’s never heard her talk about her dad, except after the coyote attack. Her eyes grow soft, even as she’s explaining to him about how to phrase an answer to hide the parts you don’t know. She talks for a good forty-five minutes, and he doesn’t interrupt. Maybe he’ll get through a test for once, and maybe he won’t, but either way, he’ll be glad he got to see her like this.

“Do you think that’ll help?” she asks finally.

Paxton shakes himself back to reality. “Honestly? I don’t know. But if it works for Devi Vishwakumar, I’ll give it a try.”

“So do you forgive me for telling everyone—you know?” Her fingers twitch nervously in her lap.

“I do. Honestly, I might even owe you one at this point.”

“I take Venmo and Cashapp.”

Paxton laughes, and then, for the first time he can remember, Paxton Hall-Yoshida does something that isn’t in the rulebook.

“How about this?” he says, and leans in.

The kiss burns through him, the way Devi’s energy burns through everything. Paxton’s stomach drops like he’s thirteen fucking years old and being kissed for the first time. Only Devi’s lips are much softer, even as she moves in closer to bite his lower lip, and Devi’s hands are firmer, fingers gliding into his hair and holding him in place. He forgets to breath, but his hands have moved to her waist, and now he’s the one pulling her closer.

And then, it’s over. And it’s just a moment. He could walk it back, like he’s done before with girls at parties who want more than he can give.

“There,” he says. “Now you can tell the whole school you’ve kissed Paxton Hall-Yoshida, and you won’t be lying.”

Devi’s mouth sharpens. “I’m not going to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” she says, and there’s that fierceness of hers, that same energy she’d had when she propositioned him that first time he noticed her, the same energy she won battles with in the classroom. “You were right. I need to treat you like a person. Especially if I want this to happen again.”

Paxton’s face feels warm. “Do you want it to happen again?”

“If you do. If you can—I don’t know, trust me or whatever.”

He nods. “I’ll, um, let you know.”

Devi kisses him on the cheek, then gathers her textbook and notes into her backpack. “Knock ‘em dead tomorrow.”

“What?”

“The test?”

“Right. Yeah, of course.” Paxton stands to get the door for her. “Thanks again.”

“Any time.”

It sounds like she means it.

The next week, Paxton’s test comes back with a C plus.

He couldn’t be happier about it.

#nhie #never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #paxton hall yoshida #devi x paxton #my fic #my writing

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#me at abt 10 this morning: if i find one more fucking grass in gonna lose it and start stabbing the ground #12 unknown grasses to keep track of. fucking. i am not a plant person. they all look the fucking same. id i track them correctly? who tf #knows but i tried. and the ground here is so weird it doesnt quite work for what were trying to do collection wise. the mosses arent that #bi0crust-y so i might have to use the bryophite chamber on them. and we only have one of those so that will cause me a lot of agony #3.5hrs just looking at plants and dirt and calling out names while doing lunges. my legs are jelly #at least we only had to do 8hrs today and halfway thru i got to do collecting on one side by myself #its a lot more tolerable when no one else is there bc i sing to myself when im stressed tf out lmao #fuck sagebrush tho. it makes my nose run so bad. my nose and mouth r so raw feeling. when i got back my nose started bleeding in the shower #3 more fucking days until we leave and its 2 days of travel #and in theory we have 2 more locations where we're gonna sample #and one is even further away in California. and at the end of all this i get to run these samples #which nearly brought me to full on mental collapse last time. so yaaaaay #as i frequently say. ive gotta get tf outta here and find a phd #im not an ecologist. its good ill have an ecology background but like im more a mechanisms person #the other 2 locations r prob gonna happen later this year at some pt but idk #like i get y the project is important and if u told me abt it blind id b like oh thats interesting #but like in a way where id be fine never knowing. it doesnt make me feel anything. ya kno?#so ive gotta get out before i break my brain beyond repair #unrelated

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thecrowryblog · 4 years

Text

Emergency exit

By Athina Antoniadou“

Artists have no choice but to express their lives”

Anne Truitt, 1974

I watched art adopt a role of a desirable lifestyle and ignore the fundamental responsibilities we have as artists, to counteract the negative energies of our time. Berlin had become the center for the arts; it was hip to be there as an artist and even if you were not one, …in Berlin you became one, let me exaggerate a little... you wouldn’t meet anyone, in the city by 2007, who wasn’t an artist. That is not necessarily a bad thing… But it started to dawn on me that history was repeating itself, it was probably something like the 1920s and ‘30s in the same city, you know, sexual promiscuity, cabarets, artists from all over europe and the world living “the life” while the Nazi movement and the Second World War were getting ready to take over. Berlin was and still is the golden egg of the art world, so we were packed into that amazing city, playing art, while in the rest of the world there were stupid wars, hunger, misery, death, destruction of the earth and all the rest. Competition and lies have forced us to be more selfish, more fearful, and more materialistic and isolated in our little enjoyable lives. In the words of Jonathan Jones, “The modern world has screwed itself and art had led the way, it has become the enemy of truth, the murderer of decency” So I started getting really nervous and agitated in the city. I started to wonder what is the importance of art, what is its responsibility! Why are we doing art? Who are we? Where did we come from? What are we doing here? Where are we going? Questions that have been asked again and again, through the centuries. My gut feeling was to hit the road, it was time to get a distance, go somewhere far, warmer with a lot of sun…and passion. Look at things and compare things from a distance. Buenos Aires was, in my mind, a great place to start, a big city, with beautiful people and tango….what more do you want?

But it did not do it for me, you see we are already “global”... I started thinking of mainstream art as a global “misfortune”. At that moment I knew that I had to go beyond, beyond the mind, beyond myself, beyond life as I know it. So, I took off, with airplanes and boats, to find out what I am made off. I walked in jungles and on mountains; I found people, and others I lost. In the corridors of my mind, I entered with a thread, not to get lost, I thought… But if not lost, you can’t be found… Peru was magical! I entered into the shamanic world… My world crashed; everything I thought I knew was wrong. I knew nothing; I was overwhelmed by nothingness. I started to re-educate myself; I went back centuries and I dug in… I read, I wrote and I listened. And for the next 3 years I was back and forth from Berlin to the Amazon. I started to understand the importance of language in the process of creation. I started looking into people who talked of themselves as psychonauts: people interested in traveling into the other, sometimes, but not always using psychedelic plants. I discovered Terence McKenna’s comparison of the shaman to the artist and the poet because they can see the beginnings and the endings of things…and can communicate that vision”. The idea is that “the cosmos is a tale that becomes true as it is told and as it tells itself”… So if the world is talked into existence, then is the world made of language? Misia Landau, an anthropologist in Boston University, clearly tells us that “The twentieth century linguistic revolution ……is the recognition that language is not merely a device for communicating ideas about the world, but rather a tool for bringing the world into existence in the first place. Reality is not simply experienced or reflected in language, but instead is actually produced by language.” (Landau, DATE) The book of Genesis tells us that the Logos existed at the beginning of time, the word of God, and it was the Logos that extracted the Order that we live in from Chaos, this idea is religious because it is fundamental, the ultimate idea in Christianity is the Logos, meaning carefully articulated, truthful speech transforms chaos into habitable Order. (Jordan B Peterson, DATE) Artists, always had that little door of escape unlocked. That door of perception, of intuition, of inspiration, in-spirit communication with something beyond. Manly Hall (DATE) puts it like this “Art was a very sacred thing during antiquity; it was held as part of religion, of what was important and significant in life. It was an example of what was noble and beautiful, and gave strength to people in their everyday lives, induced growth and spiritual integrity. In its original form, art helped.”

What is finally the artistic endeavor if not the inventory of human condition through the eyes of an individual who “is self selected for being able to journey into the other” (Terence McKenna), as the one that can translate the untranslatable and reveal the unseen and undetectable?! This research took me back to Spain where I was living from 1989-1994, after a scholarship I got for a PHD. In those years, the early 90s, I remember heated debates about how academics were trying to turn art into a science. There was a polemic between artists and those who wrote about art. They were creating a new language to talk about art. A language only they seem to understand. Of course all this before the idea of the contemporary art curator! This scientification of art (the phenomenon of artists often not being able to understand what is written about their own work) means that artists have given up on articulating things themselves, to articulate the truth about their world. We have stopped using the words. We have stopped using language to create our own realities. We have given this power to others. We are no longer shamans. We need to become shamans again. Let us return to the words of Terence Mckenna, “arts task is to save the soul of man kind because anything less will be dithering while Rome burns, because the artists, who are self selected for being able to journey into the Other, if the artists can not find the way, the way can not be found.” We need to recover that power of vision, of imagination, that amazing ability to dream the world, and articulate it in the most truthful and inspiring way, because we as artists have no choice but to express our lives (Anne Truitt). the Russian DNA researchers, Gosar and Bludorf, in their book, ‘“Network Intelligence’” …think that if humans with full individuality would regain group consciousness, they would have a Godly power to create and alter things on Earth. And for me that is the ultimate creation that an artist can hope for. So, as artists, we travel on slower, winding roads that gives us time to smell the flowers and a certain distance to have a clearer picture of our world and our humanity. Not a lot of people understand that. Our sense of time and space is different. Being an artist does not only entail fun and games, openings and parties, sex and Rock n Roll, it entails magic. We are the magicians of our world; politics and business is not our concern, although we need to have a clear vision of it all to be able to counteract it, our job is to find and honor what is most beautiful in this world, and communicate that vision. We need to reclaim our imagination,

and understand that we are driven like sheep, into a deeper and deeper boxed-in reality…the Spider Web, having in mind that there, the spider will do, what the spider does best. Getting out of the web, is not easy, some of us never make it, some of us never get it, we keep on swimming, just like the other fish, completing our “traditions” and quieting our suspicions. We need dialogue, we need to articulate our ideas in order to regain that lost connection with our audiences with the public with the people that we ask to support us in this amazing experience called life. This effort has to be made now, now is the time, even it feels, sometimes, that is too late.

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harrisonstories · 5 years

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In this photo Natalya Sazanova is on the far right, Sripad Maharaj is to the left of Ravi Shankar, and George Harrison is behind them (1974)

Tuitions in Vrindavan: When a Russian Indologist taught George Harrison Hindi (20 Sep. 2019)

by Ajay Kamalakaran

When she agreed to teach the legendary English singer Hindi in the 1970s, India scholar Natalya Sazanova had no idea who the Beatles were. Over four months of lessons, George Harrison preferred to keep his fame a secret

On an otherwise uneventful day in Vrindavan in 1974, Natalya Sazanova, a Russian Indologist with a deep interest in Hinduism, was introduced to a “charming young” Englishman by sitar maestro Pandit Ravi Shankar. Decades later, Sazanova, who was one of the best-known professors at the Lomonosov Moscow State University, would tell Russian newspaper Novie Izvestiya in an interview that the young man, who had a ponytail and was wearing a “checkered American jacket and Indian sarong” listened closely as Ravi Shankar and Sazanova spoke in Hindi.

The Russian was so proficient in Hindi that she had defended a thesis on the work of Hindi playwright Bharatendu Harischandra for her candidature of philological sciences degree (equivalent to a masters in philosophy) in 1962.

“George,” who did not understand what the conversation was about, asked the Russian Indologist to teach him Hindi.

“He had an absolute talent,” Sazanova said. While most of her students took about six years to master conversational Hindi, the Beatle managed to learn well in just four months of “irregular” classes. “George grasped the spoken language on the fly. He particularly learnt bhajans fast and sang them.”

Sazanova was also mesmerised with how George mastered the sitar so quickly. “I was so impressed that I asked him, ‘George, what do you do for a living.’ He was terribly embarrassed [by that time, he was world famous]. He said, ‘Actually, I’m a professional musician.’” She added that Ravi Shankar smiled when he heard this.

The teacher, completely ignorant of her student’s fame, asked him to keep a small concert, to which he agreed. “One of the concerts that George and Shankar arranged for several friends, including me, was on a moonlit night in a deserted spot on the banks of the Yamuna River,” Sazanova said. “It was simply amazing. The three of them played—Ravi Shankar, George and an Indian flautist—and I hadn’t heard anything like it before.”

Unfortunately, there were no recordings of the concerts. “Tape recorders were still rare at that time,” Sazanova said. “Today, I am very sorry that at that time I did not have any device. The only thing left are photo slides.”

Spiritual Path

At that time, Sazonova and Harrison were both pursuing their interest in Hinduism. The Russian’s spiritual guru Sripad Maharaj also had an influence on the Beatle. Harrison’s song It is He (Jai Shri Krishna) was based on a bhajan taught to him by Sripad Maharaj.

Sazanova recalled how spirituality and Hinduism always came up during their lessons. “We could not get around philosophy in conversations with him, but I was engaged in Hare Krishna bhakti,” she said. “As much as I could, I explained to George the connection of music with bhakti. I explained that since everything in the world was connected, words and music could not exist separately.”

Harrison, who was well versed with the Bhagavad Gita, chanted the Hare Krishna mantra, and regularly communicated with Srila Prabhupada, the founder of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness or ISKCON, as it’s popularly called. “More than once I attended their meetings and I can say that George always listened very carefully to what the guru told him.”

Harrison never spoke of his fame or international stature during those four months. Once their lessons were over, he wrote a small note in Sazanova’s diary. “I was extremely happy to meet you. You made a tremendous impression on me. God Bless You.”

International Music Sensation

Sazanova did not make too much about her lessons in Vrindavan and thought of them as nothing but one of many pleasant experiences in the country that she had dedicated her life to understanding.

Back in Moscow, she shared her photographs from her time in Vrindavan and then came the excitement. “Oh My God! This is Harrison,” a student screamed. The students then went on explain who the English musician learning Hindi was. They were impressed out of their wits when they heard that George Harrison actually dedicated a song to their teacher at one of his small private concerts by the Yamuna.

It’s a myth that the Beatles were officially banned in the Soviet Union. While anything associated with Western culture was looked upon with great suspicion, there was no Brezhnev-era government call for citizens to not listen to the British band. One of the major reasons that the music of the Beatles wasn’t easily available in the USSR in the mid-1960s was the hostility and envy of Soviet composers. Russian composer Nikita Bogoslovsky once referred to the band as the “dung beetles”.

However, John Lennon’s statement that the band was more popular than Jesus Christ was welcomed by the ideological newspaper Pravda. By the time Sazanova was back in Moscow from Vrindavan, her students would have most likely listened to a poor quality record that was sold by a company called Melodiya. The album cover didn’t have the name of the band but chose to call them a “Vocal Instrumental Ensemble.” Muscovites could also hear the Beatles music on Radio Luxembourg.

The message in Sazanova’s diary and her photographs became the talk of the university in 1975. On hearing that her student in India was a legend in the world of music, she started listening to the Beatles and Harrison’s individual songs. She also listened regularly to her student’s songs that were dedicated to Krishna.

Harrison did not forget his Hindi teacher after he went back to the West. He sent Sazanova a book about Krishna, where he had written the preface. The preface ends with words familiar to each and every fan of the Beatles: ‘Give peace a chance. All you need is love.’

An Illustrious Career in Indology

Sazanova continued her scholarship of Hindi and Sanskrit literature for the next three decades. In 1984, she obtained a PhD by defending a thesis on ‘The Creativity of Surdas and the North Indian Literary Tradition of the 16th to 19th centuries.’

She also cultivated a close friendship with Russian-Indian artist Svetoslav Roerich and his wife, actress Devika Rani. She was on the board of the Moscow Nicholas Roerich Society from its founding in 1980 till her death in 2006.

Sazanova remained a lifelong devotee of Krishna. She was grateful to Harrison for the role he played in popularising Hinduism in the West. In her interview to Novie Izvestiya, she said movements such as “Krishnaism” gave non-Indians the opportunity to access ancient spiritual systems. “Doesn’t George’s sincerity reflect in the (spiritual) songs he composed,” she asked.

In Sazanova’s Footsteps

Once the Soviet Union collapsed in 1992, there were no restrictions of any kind on cultural and musical imports. Along with the growth of popularity of their music, rumours resurfaced of the Beatles actually performing in secret in the Kremlin in the 1960s. Some fans still erroneously believe that the song Back to the USSR was inspired either by this “secret performance” or after another (falsely) rumoured visit of the Fabulous Four to Moscow on account of an emergency landing.

When the story of a Moscow State University professor teaching George Harrison Hindi once again began to do the rounds in the Russian capital in 2005, journalist Ekaterina Maksimova, then 18, decided to check if it was a hoax. “It was very difficult to believe the whole story, so my friend and I decided to try and get in touch with Dr Sazanova,” Maksimova says. “We went to the Moscow State University to find her. She was still a part of the faculty of the Institute of Asian and African Studies.”

On hearing that the girls wanted to know more about the Indologist’s experiences with George Harrison, she invited them home. The excited students went to Sazanova’s home on Russian Orthodox Christmas (January 7th) morning in 2006 and saw some photos and the diary. “Some sceptics have raised questions over the authenticity of the autograph, but I have no doubts,” Maksimova says. “George Harrison had a very unique signature; he used to write his name in a very characteristic manner.”

Over cake and tea, Maksimova and three friends spoke to Sazanova in detail about her interactions with Harrison. “We just sat there, pouring in the questions, still in disbelief that George Harrison’s teacher was sitting in front of us,” she says. “It was unreal. It doesn’t happen… We were so excited that it turned into an interrogation about George.”

Even after three decades, the Russian Indologist was in awe of the music legend’s humility, sincerity and manners. “I remember her telling us several times during the conversation that George was polite and modest,” Maksimova says. “She also told us that he took the lessons very seriously and spent a lot of time praying and reading and citing religious texts.”

Sazanova also spoke of her guru Sripad Maharaj, her passion for Hindi literature, Sanskrit and Hinduism, inspiring Maksimova to enroll at the Moscow State University’s Institute of Asian and African Studies. She studied Hindi, Sanskrit and Urdu and specialised in Chhayavad-era literature, but unfortunately could not study under Sazanova.

Although Sazanova was still a member of the faculty of the Moscow State University, she was too weak to travel daily to the campus in 2006. A handful of students would go for lessons to her apartment, which was in southwestern Moscow.

“When I called her home in June 2006, her son told me that she had passed away,” Maksimova says. “It was a terrible shock for me. I had always loved India, but I found out about the Institute of Asian and African studies only because of her… But more than that, the very idea of being a student of the same teacher who taught George Harrison, was thrilling. It would almost feel like being his classmate.”

Maksimova, who now works for a leading private television channel in Moscow, is a regular visitor to India and has often contemplated organising Beatles tours to Rishikesh and Vrindavan for Russians.

The transcripts of George Harrison’s interviews about Indian culture and Hinduism have been widely translated into Russian. Ardent fans of the music legend in the country take great pride in his Russian connection and the fact the he was in a way a bridge between Russia and India.

#george harrison #natalya sazanova #ravi shankar #the beatles #sripad maharaj #ajay kamalakaran #open magazine #1974 #dark horse #this is so cool #i've never heard about it before

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spacetimewithstuartgary · 4 years

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AAS NOVA TESS reveals HD118203 b transits after 13 years By Astrobites There are multiple ways to discover an exoplanet. The first exoplanet around a solar-type star was discovered by radial velocity measurements and earned the discoverers this year’s Nobel Prize. After the advent of wide-field exoplanet surveys, from SuperWASP starting in 2006 to NGTS and TESS, most exoplanets have been discovered using the transit method and confirmed soon after by radial-velocity studies. However, the exoplanet in today’s article, HD118203 b, was detected by radial velocity back in 2006 and has only now been found to transit, 13 years after its discovery. Radial-Velocity Discovery HD118203 b was found in 2006 by using the radial-velocity technique: measuring the amount the star’s spectrum ‘wobbles’ as the star is tugged by its orbiting planet. Over one orbit of the planet, spectra are redshifted as the planet tugs its star away from us and blueshifted as the star is tugged towards us. Radial-velocity measurements give us the planet’s orbital period as well as its eccentricity and minimum mass; the true planet mass depends on the relative inclination between star and planet. 43 radial velocity measurements from ELODIE revealed HD118203 b as an eccentric planet with an orbital period of ~6.13 days and a minimum mass of about 2 Jupiters. While most orbit orientations will produce radial-velocity signatures, only a small percentage happen to line up so that we can see the planet pass in front of its star, or transit. Transiting exoplanets block out a small fraction of light, giving us the relative radii of planet and star. If a planet transits, this constrains the planet’s inclination and means that the minimum mass from radial velocity is very close to the true mass. A number of exoplanets discovered using radial velocities have since been found to transit — but this confirmation process is time consuming for two reasons. First, only a small fraction of exoplanets will actually transit. Second, transits only last a very small fraction of the orbit (usually a couple of hours for an orbit of less than 10 days), so telescopes must stare at a star for long periods of time to discover when the transit actually occurs. TESS Spies a Transit (or Five) Transits of HD 118203 b were discovered thanks to the ongoing TESS mission. TESS is a space mission that will observe most of the sky, staring at each sector for 28 days looking for transiting exoplanets. Five transits of HD 118203 b were automatically identified using the Science Processing Operations Center, and following vetting to check for false positives, it was identified as a promising candidate. The authors use the exoplanet fitting suite, EXOFASTv2, to fit the planet parameters — but first they need to constrain the stellar parameters. They run a preliminary fit to estimate the star’s surface gravity (log(g)), finding that the star is likely a subgiant. A spectral energy distribution (SED) model uses broadband photometry (i.e. the stellar magnitudes measured in different filters) to find the stellar temperature; the authors show that it’s very similar to the Sun’s, but the star’s radius is twice as large. The authors run a full analysis using these stellar parameters as constraints to simultaneously model the ELODIE radial velocities, the TESS photometry, and the stellar parameters using stellar evolution models. EXOFASTv2 produces two sets of solutions that are consistent with the data: an older (5 Gyr), less massive (1.3 M☉) star or a younger (3 Gyr) more massive (1.5 M☉) star. The authors adopt the older, less massive star solution, as the model gives it a much higher probability (89.6% vs 10.4%). Their results are also consistent with two other codes tested. HD 118203 b is an interesting target because it is one of few transiting exoplanets in an eccentric orbit with a bright host star (the 13th brightest of all transiting exoplanets). The bottom image shows all transiting exoplanets with eccentricities greater than 0.05 and places HD 118203 among the brightest host stars. The combination of a relatively short orbital period, a bright host star and an eccentric orbit makes it a good candidate for phase curve observations. Infrared phase curve observations by future space mission JWST could provide insight into the thermal properties of the planet’s atmosphere. How Many More Might TESS Find? HD 118203 b is one exoplanet discovered by radial velocity that TESS has observed to transit, but as TESS is observing most of the sky, how many more can we expect? A paper earlier this year, led by one of the coauthors on today’s paper, investigated this question. They considered the transit probability of each radial-velocity detected system and how long TESS planned to observe each system in its primary mission. They predict that TESS would observe transits for 11 out of 677 radial velocity planets, but only three would be previously not known to transit. Only 12 radial velocity planets are known to transit, as of March 2019, so this is still a substantial increase. Today’s authors found that HD 118203 b was among the planets most likely to be observed transiting (top 2%). It seems surprising that a relatively large, short-period planet took 13 years before it was observed to transit, but a key factor is that the transit itself is relatively shallow compared to transit discoveries from ground-based wide-field surveys of the time. Most transiting exoplanets have also been found around main-sequence stars rather than subgiant or giant stars also. Looking forward, it is clear we can expect many more interesting results from TESS, and from photometry and radial-velocity measurements working together. TOP IMAGE....Artist's impression of a hot Jupiter orbiting close to its host star. A new study has confirmed the study of a planet first found 13 years ago. [ESO/L. Calçada] CENTRE IMAGE....43 radial-velocity measurements by ELODIE showed the existence of HD 118203 b (da Silva 2006). The top plot shows the radial-velocity measurements over time. The bottom plot is phase folded with the period found by EXOFASTv2 and more clearly shows the periodic change in the star’s radial velocity by 100s of m/s. The star is orbited by an object with a minimum mass of twice that of Jupiter. [Pepper et al. 2020] LOWER IMAGE....TESS photometry of HD 118203 b. The top plot shows the light curve as processed by SPOC, and the bottom plot shows the flattened light curve as used in EXOFASTv2. [Pepper et al. 2020] BOTTOM IMAGE....All known transiting exoplanets with eccentricity greater than 0.05. HD 118203 b is near the top left of data. [Pepper et al. 2020] Title: TESS Reveals HD 118203 b to be a Transiting Planet Authors: Joshua Pepper, Stephen R. Kane, Joseph E. Rodriguez et al First Author’s Institution: Lehigh University Status: Submitted to AJ Editor’s note: Astrobites is a graduate-student-run organization that digests astrophysical literature for undergraduate students. As part of the partnership between the AAS and astrobites, we occasionally repost astrobites content here at AAS Nova. We hope you enjoy this post from astrobites; the original can be viewed at astrobites.org. About the author, Emma Foxell: I am a PhD student at the University of Warwick. My project involves searching for transiting exoplanets around bright stars using telescopes on the ground. Outside of astronomy, I enjoy rock climbing and hiking.

#space #science #Astronomy #physics #exoplanet

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listoriented · 5 years

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“B”een There

done that.

So here ends my time playing games that start with the letter B. Thanks for reading! It's been three years plus change. Back in early 2016 when I pondered how the world might look when I finished another letter, I never imagined, even from that unsteady ground, just quite how different things would become (in terms of global political-psychological landscape) - though really all the top-down drama happened that year, and everything since then has just felt like the normalisation and ratification of it, this splintered-systemic madness, the post-parody, post-fake fake-real. Or whatever you want to call it.

Nor did I imagine that it would take me so long. But, life. I went overseas, moved houses, moved cities, went through a breakup, started a PhD, rode a bike, read some books, faffed around. I anxiously played hundreds of hours of Rocket League; I ticked off every achievement in Mini Metro; I spent too long trying to remember what I was doing in Stardew Valley. I reviewed some games over at Gamecloud, which wrapped up earlier this year. Time accumulated in a predictable but upsetting way.

Beloved demigod of gaming blogs RPS went through a full staff turnover, pretty much. It's weird, man. VR happened but remains a bit beyond my periphery, even if it gets brought up from time to time in the groupchat. Battle Royale games weren't a thing a few years ago, then they became everything, now they are still a big deal, the biggest deal, or maybe a large-medium deal, or just a large part of the background - I honestly don’t know how to quantify this. Steam's ubiquity has slipped markedly, through a mixture of managed negligence and increasingly aggressive competition. The inherent limitations of being bound to one commercial distribution system on one hardware platform have always been at the back of my mind, but I do increasingly wonder if my time would be better spent on a project that dug through other veins. The answer is, for now, that sometimes you've gotten keep doing the thing you said you were gonna do, if no other reason than because.

Tumblr, our home since 2016, has gone through its own shifts and controversies in this time too. They no longer seem to allow unencoded links (so no-one ever knows what they’re clicking on), it became less friendly to adult content, and as of today apparently Tumblr has been sold on to wordpress. I don’t really know the implications of this last thing.

Some Maths

I played fifty one games beginning with B. Of the forty-eight that I'd deem to have some notional metric of completability, twenty-four of those I (often in the most flexible sense possible), "completed". 50%: Not as bad as I'd expected, TBH, especially as that includes a couple of painful six/seven game streaks where I didn't finish anything.

Ceremonious Award Giving for Games Starting with ‘B’

It is always hard to pick favourites, and from any given vantage point they tend to change. Nevertheless, an act of self-canonisation is in order, as is tradition. Given the nature of this project, I do put a lot of value in titles that surprise me in one way or another. Batman: Arkham Asylum and Bulletstorm were equal Best Goofy Action surprises (it pays having low expectations, sometimes), with an honourable mention to Brigador. The Banner Saga was the most surprisingly thought provoking. Davey Wreden’s autoficitive The Beginners Guide gets the Anodyne Prize for Most Enjoyably Difficult To Put In A Box.

Botanicula was probably my Favourite (total) Revisit, or the best non-surprise.

B was a letter characterised by a few high-budget action series (of which my favourite part was Bioshock 2 (Minerva's Den)), held up by substrate of modest indie things of varying impact. My attention span was all over the place, too. We had a lot of short forays with little to say, but there was there were also more than a few wordier attempts at thought. I'm bad at judging what makes "good" writing, particularly of my own, which I oscillate between accepting and loathing, but I can tell you which games/posts took the cake for length and effort: Baldur's Gate for longest playtime; Burnout: Paradise for highest word-count (and longest gestation period); Battleblock Theater for the most time-consuming method of putting a post together; The Beginners Guide for the most times played through a game in order to try and parse it; Braid for the most external reading and referencing.

I think the most absurdly Expensive-at-purchase game here was Battlefield: Bad Company 2, which also gets the newly thought of I Can’t Believe It Still Has Functioning Online Multiplayer prize. I'm handing the Most Disappointing badge to Broken Age, despite (or because of) already having played it a bunch before attempting it for the list, though Before the Echo (fka Sequence) takes the Aquanox Award for game I inexplicably sunk the most time on trying to finish despite not really enjoying. I hold the Most Contempt for Breach & Clear. Black Mirror had the Worst Voice Acting, and it was also the Oldest Game here (2003), at least in terms of no-significant-alterations though depending on how you want to factor in remasters and remakes, you might alternatively give that prize to Broken Sword (1996) or Bionic Commando Rearmed (1988). Blueberry Garden was Purchased Most Long Ago, in 2009, though the Aquaria Trophy for Longest Unplayed Incumbent goes to Bob Came in Pieces, which I'd bought in 2010 then never installed (it's pretty good, it turns out!). However, the special Emotional Closure Award goes to Baldur's Gate, with which I already had nearly two decades of fond, scattered memories, before finally finishing for the first time during this project.

More Maths

When I started this letter I had 438 games in my steam library. Right now I have 1049 games, which is almost exactly three times the amount I had when I started this blog in October 2015 (~350). I've played 70 games total. A further 57 entered the list behind the marker, into the exempt scorched land of the already visited alphabet, which means we're at 127/1049 = 12.11% of the way through the list, which is a +7% increase on where we were at three years ago. That's not nothing. But at 2.5% per year, it's not a lot. Globally, the average human lifespan is 68 years.

Terrifying Implications For the Future

The maths says that the current terms aren't working, that I'm drowning in a heady mixture of my own relentless consumerism, hesitation, and procrastination from this task which is itself an avenue of procrastination - that at this rate I will probably die (or certainly give up) before even getting to the halfway point, and that we can't continue like this in good faith.

So I'm going to get a bit reckless, even change the rules slightly, in order to try and breathe new life into this thing. All games must still be played for at least an hour - yes, that one stands. But. BUT. I'm setting a hard time limit of one week, from one game to the next, post to post. For now at least. No more lofty words about striving to "finish" games as a rule rather than exception. It's quantity over quality (pretending for a second that quality was ever a concern) from here on out, business over pleasure, irreverence over lengthy considerations, scrapbooking over essays.

On the bright side, this means I can have a weekly posting schedule. Let's say Tuesdays? Tuesdays seem like a good day for posting.

A couple of other things:

List Oriented now has a ko-fi tip jar, just in case you, dear reader, enjoy this blog - or did before it went completely silent for the first half of this year - and feel like helping to pay for my caffeine addiction and/or encouraging me to keep going with this task.

Another thing I want to do is compile a list of links to good places for games-writing and other things that I like, because a) I feel like such a page would be helpful for me to keep a record, even if for nobody else; b) my conception of the internet is permanently stuck in 2008 but also; c) it's hard to remember where to look for good things on the internet, sometimes, these days, given our habitual over-reliance on various platforms to direct us to CONTENT. But one thing I want to include is a list of other places where people are doing this kind of list-oriented project thing. I remember a bunch of them sprung up a couple of years back when we gained a brief and relative flash of notoriety, though I’m not sure how many stuck at it. If you yourself are doing one, or you’re aware of any others who are, Let Me Know!

Anyway, looking ahead. C. An obtuse but interesting letter. Not so many of the big-hitters. A buuuuunch of city builders and management games, a few influential and/or janky platformers, more than a handful of puzzlers, some famed RTS series, a heap of question marks, a coupla interesting art things and a few uh *squints* Shooting Game. Happily for me, a lot of titles that I've not yet gotten round to giving a go, so this will be all...fresh.

I have a vague memory from when I got through A, of looking ahead to C and thinking at least it was a much more compact section than B, at the time, some light on the other side of what I'd already known would be a slog. But here we are three years later, and now there's fifty seven such games beginning with C, so there goes that thought. You'd think, having identified the consumerist-excess problem that catalysed this stupid thing, I would have stopped buying game bundles at some point, made this ridiculous project a bit easier for myself, a little more plausible for everyone else.

But, we must continue. It's a new day. A new letter. A new schedule.

The way is long and it is littered with videogames.

above: “celebrating” my “achievements” with a ‘b’eer

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zurichtooslo · 5 years

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Day 38, 27th Sept, Trieste

Glenice and I headed out today. She is going to Treviso for a week which is only a short distance from Venice but much cheaper. She wants to do the gallerys which we didn’t have time to do. Maybe go to some other towns, as well, like Padua. I was heading to Trieste on the train. We ran into the garbage carts. It is amazing how everything has to be delivered and removed by hand. The canals are busy with boats bringing in supplies.

Early morning and the Grand Canal was pretty quite.

It took 21/2 hours on the train to Trieste. I think I slept the whole way which is unusual for me but our time in Venice was very busy. I’m staying in an apartment room in Trieste which included art works. My room had paper mache birds flying above.

Also big eggs in the corner.

Once settled I headed out for a look. I was lucky getting into my room before lunch. I went to Trieste as it was on my way to Croatia and a friend’s family came from here. There were some very nice parts as it’s right on the water but over all not as exciting as other places to visit. This was the Grand Canal.

Trieste has a bit of an unusual history as it’s situated towards the end of a narrow strip of Italian territory lying between the Adriaric Sea and Slovenia which lies about 15 kms to the east of the city. Croatia is 30 kms south. Due to its location Trieste has been influenced by Latin, Slavic and Germanic cultures so it is a little different from the rest of Italy. This Roman amphitheatre is a remnant of past Latin times.

I joined a walking tour that helped explain some aspects of the city. This is the Piazza Unita d Italia. It is surrounded by neo classical buildings which Trieste is famous for.

Trieste was one of the oldest parts of the Hapsburg Monarchy belonging to it from 1382 until 1918. In the 19th C the monarchy was one of the Great Powers of Europe and Trieste was its most important seaport. Trieste underwent economic revival during the 30′s and Trieste was an important city in the struggle between the Eastern and Western Blocs after WWII.

From 1947 to 1954 Trieste was declared an independent city state under the protection of the United Nations. Two zones were set up. Zone A was governed by the US and Britain, Zone B Yugoslavia. In 1954 most of Zone A including the city of Trieste joined Italy while Zone B became part of Yugoslavia being divided between Slovenia and Croatia. The Treaty of Osimo in 1975 settled the line which is now the border between Italy and Slovenia.

There were lots of tents up around the main squares and waterfront as next week there is going to be a world sailing championship.

This was the main Fascist building during the war. It has a particular architecture showing strength and dominance.

This symbol of Fascism still remains on the building. It was a bundle of sticks featuring an axe, which has been removed, indicating the power over life and death.

This Turkish head was on the doorway of an abandoned building. The legend goes that people had their enemies on show.

We walked through the area that used to be the Jewish ghetto but only a wall here and a few small brick piles remain. The Jewish population used to be the third largest in Italy. The Jews played a very important in the cities economy and were well assimilated in society. Under the rule of Fascists and influenced by Hitler anti Jewish racial laws were introduced in 1938. A series of attacks ensured. By 1940 half the Jewish population had left the city. Trieste was one of the ports of mass emigration to the Americas and to Zion.

The canal at night. The city was buzzing. Every man and his dog were out. The Europeans live in their cafes as most live in apartments and it’s their backyard walking around the city.

The buildings looked nice all lit up.

I found myself some new friends from the walking tour. Two from Germany but living in Denmark and the other guy was from Ukraine and was just about to start his PHD in Trieste in Maths. Aperols were only €2 at this bar that the guide had pointed out to us. Interesting conversations.

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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oh before i forget, just re: putting more Billions Thoughts N Comments in actual posts where other people can read it, and by “billions” i mean we’re watching bits of it for winston and then also taylor who is winston’s friend:

i wanna specify the lore about winston seemingly prioritizing Working With Taylor Mason above like, anything else

coz like.....first of all when winston starts working with taylor it’s when taylor calls him up after originally telling him he’s not self-aware enough and turning him down when he interviewed for an axe cap position (which also...they ended up hiring No One so)......and so yeah taylor calls him and i guess asks if they can meet up and winston is presumably like “meetup? how about After Math Meetup” and they rendezvous in this little classroom-looking space and winston assures them that he’s now very aware of his self-loathing in accordance with their prior criticism of him and taylor’s like look You’re That Good so just put in some effort not to be intolerable idk. and gives him a “come to this address” slip of paper (aka surely it must not be in the same building as axe cap b/c winston had already been there and taylor could’ve just been like “go back there”)

and so anyways winston arrives at the Fairly Bare Basement aka the quant dungeon where there’s taylor and 2 other quants (who hadn’t been interviewing for axe cap back in the episode of winston’s first and would’ve-been only appearance? guess taylor found them themself or something) and taylor’s like “i want you guys to whip up a killer algorithm” and all the quants are like “sure”

and now winston is assuming he’s doing this for axe cap still, seeing as how taylor works there, and seeing as how when he finishes his algorithm he talks about taylor being able to take it to axe. but i’m pretty sure that maybe taylor was i guess paying for all of that stuff themself b/c it was all part of their secret plan to split off from axe cap, hence getting a quant team when the prior decision had been “no quants for axe cap,” and the secret meetings after math meetup, and the meeting up in a basement, and the part where once winston finished the algorithm taylor used it to get a Big Investor on board with them instead of that investor being signed on w/ axe cap

and anyways figure that taylor didn’t see a need to inform the quant team of the secret purpose of this algorithm was, and also they never said the work was for axe cap even if they never said it Wasn’t.....y’know why bother complicating this. and the last we see of winston in s3 is when taylor’s checking out his finished algorithm and deciding its ready and then leaving to meet up with that Big Investor, and then the Next we see of winston, taylor mason capital is firmly established and it’s “winston and the quant team”

so it’s a question of at what point was winston made aware of how he’d been Definitely Not Working For Axe Cap and that now tmc exists and the algorithm he’d made had actually been just for taylor’s purposes, not axe cap’s? cuz we don’t know. we see him in the quant dungeon and then we see him heading the quant team at tmc and we don’t know how that transfer happened. was it a continuation of taylor maybe conveniently not informing him that he didn’t really work for axe cap until finally winston looked up and noticed the tmc logo on the wall and the lack of axelrod and just Shrugged? did taylor maybe conveniently imply that he’d essentially already been working for tmc since his work was used for those purposes even if he’d sort of assumed it was for axe cap? and you might as well just roll with that, right? or did they just lay out the full situation and be like “wanna come with”

however it worked the point is, like, winston didn’t HAVE to work at tmc. he maybe even could’ve worked with axe cap if he’d really wanted to, seeing as maybe they’d be interested in getting the quant who made the algorithm used to steal a Huge Investor of theirs, but then again they’d already made the pointless No Quants decision and axe is all about spite and ego over like, any other decision-driving factors, so that’s a bit of a stretch. plus, wags didn’t like him, but on the other hand, no one likes wags. i wanna see winston wear flipflops again. anyways

anyways yeah at some point winston made the conscious and fully-informed decision that he wants to work at tmc. and like, right, okay, back in his First Appearance he mentions that the chance of working with taylor is in fact something that entices him. but in that context of course he’d been talking about potentially working at axe cap. whereas here, now it’s very definitely axe cap on one side and taylor on the other. and it’s also like, Any Other Hedge Fund is also an option. and tmc is this Literally Just Started fund where everything’s gonna be uncertain vs joining an already established fund that’s past that kind of instability, Plus Also tmc has a very significant established hedge fund that now has a grudge against them in particular, so that’s inconvenient. and like, he’d know taylor would pretty much definitely want to keep him on but like, is that bit of convenience worth the rest of it?

And Also there’s the fact that winston could get hired at any hedge fund he wants. he implied as much in his interview and that doesn’t seem to have been a bluff cuz like....first of all when the secret quant dungeon team went from 3 people to 1 thanks to winston driving the other two off, that automatically means that winston would’ve been doing all the work meant to be done by three people....and taylor was just like “whatever man you’re more talented, make me that algorithm” and but also was like “btw i need it to do this fancy thing that will provide an edge over other hedge funds” and winston says that that level of project would have 50 phds working on it, but then says he can totally do it himself. and like, maybe he’s not quite saying that they’d NEED fifty phds, but that that’s still what it would look.....and whether winston’s doing the work of fifty people or three, it’s all wildly impressive and like, presumably it’s more towards the 50 end of that range. which is just like, jeez dude. and he DID manage that solo, so like, he is that bitch

and also taylor called him a genius prior which like, yknow amongst the characters of this show that definitely means...something. especially as taylor is like, The genius character. so they’d get to have the authority on acknowledging that. and they didn’t seem to harbor any doubt that winston could do this insane task asked of him (which was also going to be essential to taylor’s plan of breaking away from axe cap and starting their own hedge fund) and then winston did in fact come through.........so like. yeah winston could work wherever he wants. we can’t really assume he’d be worried like “oh i better take this job that’s offered, it might be the only one i can get.” and we Can assume that he’d in fact be able to field multiple offers and pretty much work wherever the hell he wants for like, a wild salary, and you know what, i know it was just meant to be Show Of Confidence and flippin the script and not playing by the rules but frankly winston was right when he was interviewed that he should be interviewing them and asking what they could offer. if he wasn’t an interviewee that would just be seen as knowing your worth or whatever but unfortunately wags is present and daring to not venerate his superiority is unforgivable

anyways my point is that winston clearly prioritizes the opportunity to work with taylor above absolutely any other factors in Being A Quant and i think that’s neat............like surely it helps that they clearly recognize his abilities and didn’t fire him for driving away the rest of the secret quants and but also See My Posts About How Immediately Winston #Gets Taylor and Tbh Vice Versa and How Taylor Makes The Effort To Communicate With Winston Efficiently And Provide Cues While Also Allowing Him To Take Up A Bit Of Social Space, As It Were

my point......my point is that i think it’s neat...winnie n tay......i followed that one interviewer on twitter just for specifically identifying these two’s Rapport

#winston billions #the show is just about them if you watch it correctly #there's a secret viewing technique where you ignore scenes that don't seem like they'll be at all relevant #or just stick to recaps to keep up with the lore

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wazowskiofthemikevariety · 5 years

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mike + identity

1. Wazowski: So for this category I’m going to encompass everything that’s within his name because that’s like the biggest piece of him that made him who he is.

a. Son: Mike holds his parents on Hero Status. He looks up to them and what they’ve done for him. One of his biggest goals in life is to be a dad himself, because he wants that relationship, he craves his people, to have someone to devote himself to. They’ve inspired him to be the person he is because he’s seen his mom and dad sacrifice a lot for him and his siblings, even for their other family members like Mike’s aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. BUT being a son is a lot more than that, obviously. It’s more of an identity that’s important to him because he finds great pride whenever his parents introduce him as their son. Like, “Oh, Georgia! This is my son, Michael!” and he likes being known as one of the Wazowski’s children. His parents, while they do have their problems and aren’t perfect and are human, are important to him and he is very happy and proud to be their son. He finds it a very integral part of who he is, being their son and being a part of this family.

b. Middle Child: Mike is the middle child of five and that means he was forgotten a lot of the time. Several times his parents forgot to get him from school, so he got himself a bike with his own money. Several times they forgot about taking him to practice for band or whatever sport he was trying to join that year, so he would arrange a ride himself or put the pedal to the meddle. Several times they forgot to sign him up for something, pay this, pay that, tell him what was going on so he would get home to the family being gone and him not knowing why, or them expecting him to have been packed and ready for trip everyone had failed to mention so all of a sudden he has to get his suitcase together while panicking about not having enough time and crying in his room under the stress as someone yells at him to hurry or they’ll miss their flight. This, although kind of disheartening to him, turned him very independent. It made him have to rely on himself. So he identifies with the stereotype of the Middle Child because oof, he knows that pain, but it played its part in making him who he is.

c. Younger Brother/Older Brother: He’s got different relationships to all of his siblings, as one does, and esp since he is that bridge from the olders to the youngers. He’s the middle, smack dab. Two above, two below. And he loves all his siblings. He’s sort of the second mom tbh because while his two older siblings are the kind that would die for the others or throw down where needed, they aren’t as responsible and put together as Mike is. And the younger siblings, there was sort of a disconnect with them to the older to because by the time they were Humans who could Hold A Conversation the older siblings had shipped off to college and weren’t around the house all the time. Where Mike became the oldest of the house all of a sudden, taking the younger two around. It’s a weird, interesting dynamic but he is very much a loving and supportive brother. He’s not the smartest, but he always worked the hardest. And his siblings were always his best friends when he didn’t have anyone. He was always ALWAYS there for them, even if they weren’t for him sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s what family it for, yah know. Talking shit, getting hit, but coming together to make sure the house is clean before their parents got home to kill them all should they see the state of the kitchen. Being a brother to four very different human beings is very important to him. He loves being a brother and he loves his sibling and is very grateful to them because while he didn’t have friends growing up he did have them. And they will always have him.

d. Ethnicity: This falls within this category, too, and IS important to him because he is kind of ethnically ambiguous. He is of mixed race and he’s proud of that. He identifies with it because his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they came from or who their families are. Though he may not seem to take to traditions of his heritage, he does, of course he does. And he knows the history of his family, and that’s another motivator for him. As a minority he’s always had that extra stretch he’s had to sprint through in order to make it to the finish line, that extra little bit of weight society puts on him. He does identify with his ethnicity and is proud of it and wouldn’t change it if he could because it is so integrated into who he is as a person since his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they come from.

2. The Demonologist: This is, of course, second because he has always wanted to be a Demonologist. It was his lot in life. It was his calling. It was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning sometimes, that motivation to go to school in order to be called a Demonologist someday. He wanted it so fucking badly as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. He worked his ASS off to get that title to call his own. But that’s sort of where the irony stands with him because while he might self-identify as A Demonologist he isn’t really. He’s just starting to do things within the field that matter. Like, he never faced a demon until the August of 2018 and even then he got his ass beat by them before passing out and missing the end of the fight and exorcism completely. He hasn’t made any major headway in the field, he is a year out of school, teaching, and really has nothing to show for himself. WHICH IS FINE LMAO, you don’t have to have that jesus Christ, but Mike is an over achiever who thought he would have the world by now. It’s important to him to tell people that’s what he does, he’ll say he’s a Demonologist first and that he teaches at the university second because he doesn’t think he’s going to stay there of course. He thinks he’s just biding his time, using the resources, and soon enough he’s going to make it big. He’s book smart. He is the kind of person who could read a book and be able to regurgitate the information for you later on. But...I think it’s the difference between someone who can cook and a cook. He can cook, sure, he can follow the recipe and it will be good, but he isn’t going to be able to make something that’s great or anything like that because he lacks the instincts to improvise or think, oh well this needs some garlic lemme just add some in real quick. No, he’s the person waving around the menu like, IT SAYS TWO CLOVES. NO MORE NO LESS!! Even though he COULD be that person, he could improvise, he just doesn’t have the brain that would think of the situation like that. ANYWAYS OFF TOPIC, basically what I’m saying here is that Mike thinks of himself as a Demonologist and in a way he is because he got the degree, he’s earned the title on a technical level, but he doesn’t have it in the way that he’s proven any of that to be worthy. MAYBE HE WILL, maybe he won’t, I dunno where his journey will take him.

3. College Graduate: This is also something very important to him because academics is fucking brutal, and it wasn’t any easier for him. He didn’t come from privilege, he didn’t have the name that would help him, people didn’t like him. College was lonelier than high school for him because at least there he would make surface level buddies within classes because he saw them five times a week and would help them on their homework and cracked a good joke for them to laugh at so they would be civil towards him. And he also lived with his family, his two younger siblings were still there. He had people around him. In college? He had no one. And I think we all know how lonely college can be, how isolated it can make someone feel despite being surrounded by people. That was Mike. And then you have everyone in his classes shitting on him for being enthusiastic! Wanting to talk about what they learned in class! That kid who kept up with the readings, who always raised his hand, who debated, who asked those questions everyone is thinking but didn’t want to say, and who’s presentations were almost spotless. Which is fair, he was a goodie goodie try hard, but he also was that way because he wanted to prove himself to these people who rolled their eyes at him, not knowing that the reason they did was BECAUSE he was showing off. But he went on, he got good grades, a good GPA, did his papers and went to his labs, got a job in between, and did it all on his own. It was one of, if not the, hardest things he had ever had to do in his life. Because Mike is not one of those people who can glance at the notes and get a good grade, he has to study for hours, he has to go to the library until hell o’clock in the morning, he has to make flash cards and pretend to teach the lamp what’s what before he can get that good grade. So! Yes! He loves being a college graduate. He loves his degrees, and he loves when his parents tell people about him having a PhD. It FUELS HIM. !!!

4. Friend: This has been a long time coming, baby. MIKE WAZOWSKI HAS FRIENDS BITCH. I’m telling you, he loVES having friends. He loves BEING a friend. It makes him so! fucking! happy! He was a lonely soul with so much love to give and nOW that he finally gets to give it, oof. I know I’m supposed to be a writer or whAtEveR but I can’t articulate how warm it makes him feel, how fulfilled. There was always this hollow ache inside of him, wanting and waiting for someone, anyone, to just want to be around him for a change. I’ve probably said this before, but since he watched a lot of movies growing up he accumulated that rose tinted glasses way of looking at life. He wanted that best friend he could call/text at any time and know they would reply. He wanted someone to drive around with, to have movie marathons with, to have feels sessions with, or to just hang out and take a nap together. He had high hopes of finding that person. But he never did. 28 years and he still couldn’t say he had a friend. NOW LOOK AT HIM. HE IS THRIVING. And I would say this identity is of the utmost importance to him because he has always wanted to be a Friend to someone. Like?? Being able to be the person people call because they know he’ll be there for them without a second thought, or being that person who makes them laugh and be happy and not think about their worries for a minute, or if they WANT to think about their worries he is the person they call to talk about them with. He likes being there for people, he loves it so much. He loves being in people’s lives and making them happy and smile and laugh and ugh. Being a friend is his favorite thing, connecting on that level to someone just makes him feel fulfilled. If he hears people calling him their friend he will DIE. If he is introduced as, “this is my friend, mike!” he will DIE. It’s his favorite thing in the whole wide world and he constantly gets emotional about it.

5. Professor: This is lower on the list for obvious reasons but is apart of who he is now. To Mike it’s just a starting point, though, he doesn’t think it will be where he will stay or a long term position. But he loves being a professor because he loVEs demonology! So being able to teach it is kinda like the second best thing to be doing, plus it gives him a place to do research and have access to resources and all that jazz. He likes academia so it’s not like it’s a hard ship to be there reading over essays or listening to the debates kiddos have in class. It’s also just REALLY nice to have a job, especially one as good as being a professor. He’s not proud of it yet, is the thing. It’s not what he leads with when people ask him what he does, he is a Demonologist. And then he is a professor.

6. Nerd: I mean, I think he identifies as a nerd because. Well. He is. And he doesn’t see that as a bad thing. He is both a Nerd in the sense that he likes to study and read and learn and excel within those things and that he likes to watch tv, movies, play video games, read comics, spend hours on the internet reading Fan theories, and laughing at memes. And to the people who are like, “well fuck you that stuff is for kids, grow up!” he genuinely doesn’t understand why other people feel like they have the right to put other people down? Why must people tell big jokes to make other people feel so small? It’s STUPID and he is soooo far passed calling everything he enjoys ‘guilty pleasures.’ nah. They’re just things he loves and will die on that hill. Worrying about shit like that is just lost on him now cause, shit, liking superhero movies isn’t embarrassing, unless you take it too far then lmfao okay calm down fam no need to set fire to someone over a MOVIE, and thinking it is isn’t about embarrassment, it’s about being insecure. And as much as Mike IS insecure, that’s one of the things he ain’t. If people want to make fun of him for that, fine, yes, it will hurt him and his ego, but he’ll also be the one getting to watch Logan (2017) and weeping into the pillow or having a really interesting conversation over the what preference of Star Trek generation people have. He loves all that nerdy shit, he loves getting excited about movies! and new games! and watching panels and actors and b-roll and listening to podcasts and reading about media news, it makes him happy, gets him excited! And disappointed! Makes him angry and happy and sad beyond belief sometimes, but that’s what he loves about it, too!

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