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#its real. i used a reference. and its Glorious
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Hear me out, Wally in a dino onsie.
done & Done
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Anatomy of a Hero - Samuel Vimes
He wanted to go home. He wanted it so much that he trembled at the thought. But if the price of that was selling good men to the night, if the price was filling those graves, if the price was not fighting with every trick he knew... Then it was too high. History finds a way? Well, it would have to come up with something good, because it was up against Sam Vimes now.
Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
Fantasy has created some truly remarkable characters, and it's fair to say that Samuel Vimes of the Discworld series is among them - and he's a personal favorite.
This is the first in a (sporadic) series of posts analyzing my favorite fantasy protagonists and what I think makes them work as characters and how they fit into their stories.
Samuel Vimes is the protagonist of eight of Terry Pratchett's seminal Discworld novels - specifically, Guards! Guards!, Men at Arms, Feet of Clay, Jingo, Fifth Elephant, Night Watch, Thud!, and Snuff. These novels make up what is colloquially referred to as the City Watch series, and they answer the question "what if the city guard in a fantasy series got stuff done?"
Vimes is the head of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and starts off as a parody of the drunken watch captain, literally waking up in a gutter at the start of Guards! Guards!. While it's obvious from the start that he has a sense of justice and a desire to see justice served, years of being beaten down by a city that doesn't need him anymore has left him at his lowest point. In fact, Guards! Guards! is about him getting her proverbial groove back and solving his first real mystery in ages.
We then see Vimes grow into a respected member of the community, transforming the City Watch from a joke (at the start of the series, it's four people) into a pillar of the City, an institution in its own right.
Vimes himself struggles with addiction throughout the series with the help of his wife, Sybil, and members of the Watch (especially his right-hand man, Carrot), going from alcohol to cigars to bacon sandwiches by the end of the series.
We also see how Vimes fits into the central theme of the City Watch - social inequality and the importance of overcoming it. Sam starts the series with a... not-great view of the non-human residents of the city of Ankh-Morpork (although this view is better described as general misanthropy than racism, with him distrusting anyone who isn't his wife or a member of the Watch). This view is changed as the series progresses - between the first two novels, a coalition of minority groups successfully sues the city of Ankh-Morpork for employment discrimination in government positions and Vimes is forced to allow non-human people into the Watch. He comes to recognize that these people are, well, people with value not only as people but as law enforcement officials. Twice, Vimes uses his social power to advocate for downtrodden species to be treated as people, with full rights and protections under the law - for golems in Feet of Clay and goblins in Snuff, and the City Watch becomes the most diverse organization in the entirety of Discworld.
The last thing I'll talk about is Vimes' aforementioned desire for justice. Night Watch gives us a view into the life of an early Sam Vimes (Vimes is sent back in time to just before the Glorious Revolution, a now-forgotten struggle against a despot) - indeed, in his youth Sam was a revolutionary, inspired by Sgt. John Keel (whom Vimes takes the place of after finding Keel dead). During this Revolution, young Sam Vimes witnessed a number of things that would impact him for the rest of his life, including the torture chambers of The Unspeakables, a secret police force who committed horrible crimes in the name of the public good and who act as the antagonists of the novel. The quote that started this essay comes from near the climax of the novel, and I think it really encapsulates that desire for justice and why Sam Vimes works as a protagonist - one of the best in fantasy.
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mollysunder · 7 months
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Where Does Viktor Fit in Zaun? What Kind of Message will the Herald Bring?
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We all know Viktor's headed to Zaun next season, but I've genuinely been wondering what he'll actually do when he gets there. The obvious answer would be that based on previously canon lore Viktor will become the Machine Herald and preach the path toward Glorious Evolution through cybernetic augmentation. But when I look at the state of Arcane, I just can't see that happening. So much of Viktor's story so far has been entwined with his relationship with the arcane and his own mortality which only becomes more complicated as he feeds the hexcore his Shimmer enhanced blood.
While Viktor started out as an engineer, Viktor's work became more associated with a combination of Arcane study and biological experimentation. More often than not, Viktor’s future as the Machine Herald is teased with biological imagery.
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When Viktor visits Singed, the equipment that frames him in the shot above is similar to his staff, but more importantly, Rio's silhouette resembles the shape of the Machine Herald's mask. The outline of Rio's body resembles the the 3-pronged shape of the Herald's mask as it appears on Sevika's tarot card. The mask on the card is actually different compared to all of Viktor's existing skins, the three spikes are designed in a way that resembles a crown.
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The cave where young Viktor first meets Singed, is covered in holes that resembles thousands of pained howling faces, surrounding both Viktor and Singed. Is it to represent the suffering Singed and/or Viktor will create in the future? Could they represent creatures of the Void, calling out to break free? Maybe the faces represent the already existent suffering of Zaunites who choke and perish in caves similar to the one they stand in?
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What's more interesting is that the entrance young Viktor reveals himself to Singed with has the image of ghastly hooded figure carved into it. At first I thought this was supposed to represent inhabitants of the Void. Later, I realized this figure more resembled Zaunites suffering from Shimmer addiction like Huck.
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It all feels like the story has been steering Viktor toward Shimmer and the complications of the Void rather than using cybernetics avoid human vulnerability as he did in previous canon. And when you think about Zaun in the context of Arcane, Zaun doesn't need the Machine Herald to promote his augmentations. Cybernetics have already grown in use and popularity in Zaun. After the time skip there's a stark contrast between Vander and Silco's gangs, many members of the latter from Sevika to Ran use augments. It's so prevalent that even members on Piltover's Council know about it. Sure they don't follow the original philosophy of the Glorious Evolution, but Viktor himself doesn't have the foundations for what was originally introduced to League either.
If anything, the visual hints in Arcane lead me to believe that Viktor will become some kind of prophet to the Void. Think about it, so much of what Viktor has done has brought him closer to magic and he's only become further ensnared once Shimmer was involved. From the little that we see of the Shimmer corrupted hexcore, it's likely sentient and it's influence on Viktor will only progress further once he's been completely alienated from Piltovan society.
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What does this mean for Zaun though? Well I think Viktor's presence will be a positive presence in the long term for Zaun. The brief moments we see real unobstructed reference to the Machine Herald, hhappens when the design of Viktor's various masks are integrated into the design of the water treatment facility he was implied to have made. The image of the Herald also appears as the the Magician tarot paired with the Death tarot (Jinx) to win Sevika's card game. I previously concluded that the card scene forshadowed that Viktor and Jinx would be the major factors that will win Zaun its independence. On top of that, no matter what universe you stick Viktor in, he fundamentally wants to help others. That drive hasn't stopped in Arcane, and won't stop next season.
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Despite Shimmer's justifiably sketchy reputation, it earned it Silco's hope and Singed's interest on it's ability to both sustain life and change it. Outside of being a strength enhancer, Shimmer was shown to effect the rate and longetivity of plant growth in the background of season 1. I think Viktor will be the one to further explore this aspect of Shimmer's effects to make positive impacts in Zaun next season.
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I have such confidence because one, Viktor’s research with hexcore and Sky's own note focus on the impact hextech has on biological matter. And two this one shot from Zaun's post-time skip music video.
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In the shot above, we see two men with masks and staffs designed in a similar style to the original Machine Herald, stand guard for the building behind them. To the left of these masked men is a sign that reads, "The Herald's Palace". Lofty name aside, what could these men be protecting? If you look into the window behind the two patrons getting their shoes shined you'll notice the outline of broad leaf plants. The masked men are guarding a cultivair! In Zaun, cultivairs are essentially greenhouses only the wealthiest of Zaun can afford to maintain, they're the only sources of fresh air located within Zaun so they have to be well protected. Cultivairs also double as public parks for Zaunites when chembarons want good PR.
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The sneakiest possible hint is the design on the wall where "The Herald's Palace" sign is framed, it foreshadows who could have backed Viktor for his rise in prominence in Zaun. It's Jinx. This will make sense, trust me.
First, the swirling patterns of the wall design resemble the smoke cloud tattoo patterns Jinx has around her body. The use of the neon lights in the shot make the swirls appear a similar blue to the real tattoos.
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Second, this isn't the only time the artists of Arcane used Jinx's swirly tattoo pattern to refer to her influence. Another time that happened was in the Firelights' music video opening. In the montage, we see bullet casings engraved with cloudy swirls in front of Eve's mask, after Jinx killed her.
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Jinx doesn't actually engrave her bullet shells, that's for rich people like the Kirammans. Those engravings are for the audience to know that Jinx was responsible for Eve's death, the early draft even shows the artists were thinking of invoking Jinx's impact by applying her more childish doodles on the shells.
Not only has Viktor and Jinx’s future partnership been foreshadowed more than once in the show, she's the only character outside of Singed I can see betting on Viktor. There's no real reason for Sevika to be interested in Viktor, because when Viktor's reputation is dragged through the mud, even other Zaunites will be wary of him. Sevika also already has a source for her augments in Chembaron Smeech's gang, the Scrap Hackers. What would Sevika want to do with a clearly unstable scientist that not only looks like he's been loyal to Piltover most of his life, but his own experiments killed a fellow Zaunite colleague? How would Viktor not come off any better than Jinx to her?
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Jinx will likely be the more empathetic party to Viktor and the disaster he created for himself, she can relate to it. And in related media, like RiotxArcane, he's one of the few people that extends empathy towards her character. She'd be one of the few that probably wouldn't flinch at the line of logic he'll follow in the next season as he continues to double down on the hexcore and the Void. I can only guess, but based on how Viktor reacts in other alternate universes, he'll probably push to further integrate Shimmer into the physiology of its users. Viktor would see it as a means to embrace the necessary change needed to survive the harsh environment of Zaun and the world itself. Who better to pitch such an idea to than one of the more successful Shimmer mutants like Jinx, and probably the extremists who really like her.
Tldr: To understand how Viktor will find his niche in Zaun, we need to understand that Viktor isn't defined by robotics. Viktor's defined by his devotion to helping others no matter how unethical. It's a mixture of his genuine empathy and compassion to those in need, and in his characterization in Arcane, the fact that he sustains his self worth from his ability to create and innovate. So it doesn't matter what kind of world he's placed in, a gothic cowboy world, a psychic soldier battlefield, or a world that worships death he will embrace the most extreme elements of his world and turn it back against the obstacles that put the common people down. Even if his solution is off-putting.
Sidenote: I didn't know where to fit this, but the one concept art that had Viktor's Machine Herald silhouette only further convinced me that Viktor doesn't actually become the Machine Herald like in League.
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Thanks to @MPiltovian on twitter for the sketch outline we can see in concept that Viktor's transformation is so stark he looks to be at least a full 2 ft taller. And I know that Arcane's a scifi-fantasy setting, but that's just not how prosthetics work. There's no way that even his full body could support the weight of all that metal, plus a giant laser claw on his back. Viktor probably completely fortified his body using Shimmer and the hexcore to strengthen it and is wearing an exoskeleton on the outside. Honestly, how does anyone single-handedly even turn themself into a full-conversion cyborg anyway?
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pants-magic-pants · 3 months
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✧⊹JARETH BALLROOM COAT⊹✧
[This post is part of a series about constructing Jareth's entire masquerade ball costume. Visit the master post here.]
Fabric Selection [Part 1 of 2] The Saga of the Metallic Valvet
Welcome back to another episode of Coat Construction. I want to first say that my decisions about fabric, and many other things, were informed by the amazing reference photos I had from both Aria Couture and Yosa Addiss. This post will make more sense after you've looked through all those glorious images of the actual costumes. I may also sometimes be referencing AC in my commentary. I stand on their shoulders, and cannot be given even half the credit for all the great costume study that's already been done about this coat.
With that, let's get to it!
One thing I have noticed is that screen accurate fabric for this costume is extremely hard to come by, and it seems as if those of us who’ve done this cosplay raked over google enough to happen upon, and choose, the same fabrics?! Or at least consider them? I suspect I’ve seen the same golden damask fabric used for Jareth’s cummerbund amongst me and two other cosplayers. Hahaha More on that in the cummerbund post.
What I really want to talk about is the royal blue/navy colored metallic velvet that makes up the coat. It’s like a majestic night sky, but not midnight – late evening, when the darkness plays with the vivid blue of the day. The decorations on top of it are entire constellations, planets, comets, meteors...
I think the important thing to know about the fabric and to insist upon is that it’s real velvet, and not velour, nor velveteen (even though the Jim Henson exhibit sign says it is. It just AIN’T. Whoever wrote that sign needs a talking-to.)
So, what is the difference between all of these? They’re all woven fabrics made from usually silk or cotton. They each have a pile, which is a raised surface comprised of loops or strands of yarn (think carpet). Velvet has a long pile, and it’s usually very glossy and soft, and it more easily drapes over things. Velveteen has a very short pile and less sheen, and it can be a bit stiff. Velour is what you see more often in stores, because it’s an affordable look-alike to velvet, made with less luxurious cotton or synthetic fibers, and it’s stretchy. People will use the terms “velvet” and “velour” interchangeably, but they’re not the same. True velvet doesn’t stretch.
And that is why it’s the best and really only option for this coat. You’ve seen it. It’s heavy, and has heavy things hanging off of it. To be more specific, every step of the way while creating it I was being harassed by gravity. Gravity was trying to claim this velvet back to the depths… I’ve said it before: turning it into a coat felt highly non-consensual because of the heaviness and slippery nature of the materials. 
That being said, weight puts stress on the seams, and even if your seams are stabilized, a fabric that’s not sturdy enough or yields to any kind of tugging is not going to be good, and it could lead to warped or misshapen areas. There’s also the glue and jewel shenanigans (which my friend calls Crust). They need to be able to cling to something that reliably keeps its shape. The ballroom coat is extremely structured and exudes power – we wouldn’t want it to start looking like a popped souffle, or like it was melting, would we? 
From here I also want to point out that the coat seems to be made from velvet with metallic fibers. This means that it’s classified as a type of lurex - and you can read more about it here. This is different from foiled. Any fabric described as “foiled” if you were to try searching for metallic velvet, is not what you’re looking for. Foiling is the process of adding a metallic sheen to the surface of fabric, usually with heat. It tends to look a lot more solid and shiny, rather than sparkling. The process does not result in soft fabric, either, so it definitely messes with the pile and is much less elegant. Lurex, on the other hand, incorporates metallic fibers in just the same way you’d dot the night sky with stars. ;) 
ANYWAY. Since I spent months and months roaming multiple search engines, and don’t wish for others to have to suffer through it and waste their time, I have some opinions to share about what I found. Some of these fabrics have even been mentioned by Labyrinth cosplayers as possibilities. 
・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆ ・・・・
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Mood Fabrics - Ava Navy Metallic Velvet (Link)
I’ve seen this fabric mentioned by a commenter on Aria Couture’s blogs, because it really does seem like a possible match. I bought a swatch of this fabric, thought about it for months, and then finally bought four yards, but returned them. Here’s what I have to say:
The company is reputable. They treat their fabric and customers with care. This fabric is gorgeous and quality, but it didn’t work for me because the shade of blue was too warm and light to match everything else. I only came to this realization after buying four yards of it, because the swatch that they originally sent was (I suspect) from a time when they were using a slightly different dye. What this means for anyone else is that they may not be able to rely on the swatch to make their decision. I had to return it, but they were very understanding. I still very well think that someone could use this to make a beautiful Jareth ballroom coat, if their color scheme is a little warmer. 
Here are comparison photos of the swatch and the actual fabric that was sent, however. Just so you can see what I mean. 
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(The swatch is on the bottom, the actual fabric sent is on top.)
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Blue Moon Fabrics - D Isis Foiled Stretch Velvet in Black/Royal (Link)
I ordered a swatch of this. I have a friend who also did, and was happy with it, so I feel like kind of a jerk for writing here that I don’t think it works, but I really truly don’t, and I want to save anyone from starting a project with it, only to have it possibly ruined. The reason why this fabric doesn’t work is that it’s very stretchy, and I just know that it couldn’t handle all the stress that would be put on it. In person, it also is an extremely bright, electric blue that will steal the show and will not serve as a good backdrop for all the top decorations. In terms of “what type of sky” it is, it’s more like 7pm on LSD. *covers mouth and laughs* But it’s still cool on its own.
・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆ ・・・・
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Etsy Seller AlexLAFabrics - Lurex Velvet (Link)
The reason why I’m including this is because it was listed as lurex velvet, appears to be so, and has possibly the right coloring, so it may be easy to find this one and consider it, because I certainly did. Well, I’m here to say do not bother with it unless you’re willing to sacrifice $30 just to find out what this fabric is like in person. The photos aren’t good enough to tell the true shade of blue, there’s no info on how it behaves, and the guy won’t offer you a swatch or get back to your messages.
・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆ ・・・・
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Zelouf Fabrics – Lurex Velvet in Navy (Link)
The fabric I ended up using. It’s lurex velvet, it’s the perfect shade, but it’s not super quality, definitely not as quality as the Ava Navy velvet from Mood. It was sometimes quite offended by being handled, and didn’t appreciate steam. It seemed a little thin for true velvet, and it puckered so relentlessly that I had to buy a new f*@#%ng sewing machine, and by then there were a couple of seams that had been redone so many times that the edges were… how to put it? Like skin without collagen. There were entire pieces that had to be re-cut, it was so bad. 
The company also kinda sucks. Originally, I bought four yards, and it arrived shoved into a plastic wrapping that had been poked throughout transit and bursted open on my tabletop. The fabric inside had been severely abused, obviously not stored well, wrinkled, poked, torn, and they STAPLED the order details onto it. Come on. I wrote a stern email, and was not met with much professionalism, but they also weren’t out for my money and owned up to the mistake. They refunded me and then sent another four yards which was less abused, but still a little sad. Ended up with eight free yards, and some of the more abused fabric could still be used for parts of the coat that were buried under lace. 
Ultimately, what I would say is… I have a love-hate relationship with it. It’s beautiful when it wants to be, very soft, and I can’t say I’d have picked something else if I did the project again, because for me it was the best option.
・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆ ・・・・
Here is one more interesting but sort of outrageous photo, of me holding the Mood Ava Navy fabric together with the Blue Moon D Isis fabric.
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You can see all the ways that these two fabrics are different!
Anyway, I hope my bit of foot-work and 2c is valuable to someone, no matter what project they're working on or thinking of working on. The coat took about 14 months to complete, and for at least 5 of those months, I was in a stalemate about velvet. Hoping I can save someone else from that.
There will be another post about the lining fabric. There will also be separate posts about making the cummerbund and the shirt, so those will include information about choosing those fabrics.
Thanks for reading! If you've made it this far and appreciate any of my content, I'm going to be obnoxious and mention that I set up the tip function on this blog. All the posts have a button that looks like this ($) where you can tip me however much you want. This helps me be able to afford further work on this costume, and to go to events where I and fellow Labyrinth cosplayers can create content for you. Yay!
-Jareth--- uh I mean Jenny
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gritsandbrits · 6 months
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Funny stuff i often think about in my rewrite of shrek the third
There's a character named Walter Crumpet who is a medieval version of Walter Cronkite, he's known as the most trusted man in far far away
Bruce and charming holding auditions for an execution as if it they're doing a performance
Shrek loses his fear of fatherhood but gains a new one: geese
"In a once in a lifetime move science and magic works together to take down religion!"
One of the contestants at the aforementioned audition is a rendition of lady gaga's bloody mary sung by the actual legend herself (no seriously she climbs out of a mirror to sing the chorus)
Sleeping Beauty dates the Sandman (no not that one, not THAT one either)
Gwynn's full name is Gwenhwyfar but she calls herself Gwynn due to a lot of women having the same name
Rhodanthe's only other friend is Ophelia of Hamlet fame; they met after Rho catches Ophelia floating around in her fishing pond
Rhodanthe working at the medieval equivalent to Claire's except its called Faire's.
John Delaney voices Lancelot - no wait that's actually canon lol
In this version Harold doesn't die but experiencing a frog life's crisis he also requested the song to play at his funeral much to Lillian's duress
Artie's sword comes in the form of a pen
The soundtrack includes everything from current hits to 80s rock to royalty free music to royalty music to video game OSTs.
One scrapped ending was Artie ultimately rejecting his claim in favor of becoming a writer. Get it? king AUTHOR
Handheld mirrors double as cellphones so there's psa on not being on your mirror while you ride your horse
Nimue is Merlin's ex wife and living her best life in the enchanted forest as a hippie
The scene where Gwynn is getting the Movie Makeover with the Evil Queen being her stylist and she asks which lipstick flavor Gwynn prefers, and Gwynn throws out randomly "lightning in a bottle" and the evil queen shows an actual lipstick shade
Doris knows the exact brand of Chapstick Charming uses much to everyone's disgust
The aforementioned lightning in a bottle shocks your lip to a glossy shade and you're not allowed to eat drink or kiss anything for 30 min
During the villain attack Walter Crumpet interviews one of them as it happens as calmly and plainly like a regular interview instead of villains busting up the place
Said interview ends with the villain making a shoutout to Gwynn Who sees the whole event back at the Poison apple, looking absolutely mortified
Charming's dad name isn't anything fancy or glorious like Brutimus or Bruciel. It's just Bruce. And charming treats it as the most metal thing ever
Broken mirrors often sound like static so you have to physically move the mirror like you would an antenna
Shrek immediately rejecting "Shrek Jr." As a name suggestion.
Rho gets asked if she ever tried out for Quadball (Quidditch)
The axe Charming got in his medieval meals turns out to be a chekovs gun
Gwynn's favorite Chapstick flavor is bubblegum
Artie has a secret stash of "Maidens" magazines obviously a play on Playboy
Gwynn attempts to teach Charming how to be a real king by replicating a sequence from Aardman's Next
Rho continually refers to Shrek as the Green Knight much to his insistence that he isn't
Fiona meets Igraine's ghost and admits that's the least weirdest thing she's ever seen
Godmother REALLY got around in her younger years
Just the fact Godmother isn't a witch she just appropriated some of their customs for her business, such as with capitalism
Merlin showing shrek and co. his entire Arsenal of magic Matrix-style complete with the iconic black suits
Artie's favorite band is the Bremen Town Musicians and yes they are farm animals
The Bremen Town Musicians also play along the opening theme of the story
Just the opening theme being another Joan Jett song (I Love Rock and Roll)
Far Far Away's waffle house being the only place tho stays open even during the occupation
Charming tries to intimidate shrek's friends like in the canon movie but he gets ficking roasted instead. It's so bad the other villains sneak in a laugh
Gwynn taking Charming out for a night in the town to show him real adult fun which results in a bar fight, drag carriage race, and egging mansions
Charming accidentally breaks the window of said mansion because he confused a small rock with an egg
Walter Crumpet storms out of mansion with a boomboom stick as gwynn and charming run off
Bruce is played by none other than Ash Williams himself. He even says groovy at some point.
Sir Cumference is the same species as Humpy Dumpty
Charming'd first rule as king is free cherry Chapstick
The princesses are a precure style sentai team complete with sparkly transformation sequences and cheesy attack phrases
Every time Charming and Artie shares the same scene someone mentions how much they look alike
The bad wolf after seeing red riding hood: "oh no not this bitch"
The single most important reason behind Rhodanthe's name: so that every time someone greets her they start singing the row row row your boat song
The villains argue whether to eat the three little pigs due to the moral implications of eating animals with clear human sapience and intelligence
Gwynn and Charming fight each other with swords in a subtle allegory for hate sex while the other villains cheer them on
The fight gets featured on Ye Olde Worlde Star (yes it exists in the shrek universe)
A scrapped subplot the ones where the triplets are born early, one of them (Felicia) gets left behind and Gwynn ends up taking care of her. She absolutely squees at the sight bc ogre or not that's still a baby and the cutest thing EVER
The message of the movie is "white men really do ruin everything"
Despite being one of the most powerful magicians ever Merlin can't figure out how it's possible for a donkey and a dragon to have kids
The villains having beef with a frog
Charming finds out Fiona may possibly be his cousin and leaves which is immediately followed by the sound of him vomiting in the trash can. Poor bastard
Bruce referring to himself as a manly badass hero
Friar's Bot having to drop the Fat part due to being deemed offensive
"Nine thousand channels and nothing to watch!" Bruce grumbled while flipping through the crystal ball
Frat Boy Snow White
Rho leading an army of swans against the villains like a WW2 aerial crusade
Cinderella sanitizing everything she uses and uses a leech as a vacuum cleaner
Every scene Bruce has a different woman on his shoulder absolute CHAD
Punch and Judy is a action figure called Punchin' Judy that Gwynn still owns it is a marionette with boxing gloves that can say dozens of different phrases
I kept the fight scene where Hook plays the piano the whole time cuz it's simply too good to leave out with the added bonus of EVERYONE singing
Famous celebs includes Katy Fairy, Sir Tom, Janet Jacksondottir, Pinke, and Zendaya. Yep her name still the same.
At the end where everything is over and charming and gwynn do their anguished love announcement and kiss and it's a cute scene but then they REALLY get into the kiss much to everyone's annoyance. Shrek forcefully breaks them apart.
The monster trees uses wood furniture
Charming having no real plan after takin the throne bc he didn't think he even get this far
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tendaysofrain · 2 years
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Since many people enjoyed the Peach Blossom Springs build by Epicwork, here are some more builds that they’ve made over the years, along with some historical background on the builds, if anyone is interested:
The Thousand-Year Capital City - Luoyang (千年帝都·洛阳)
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In ancient times, Luoyang served as capital city in Xia dynasty/夏朝 (2070 BC - 1600 BC; the existence of this dynasty is debated among scholars due to insufficient archaeological evidence), Shang dynasty/商朝 (1600 BC - 1046 BC; Luoyang was one of the two capital cities), Western Zhou dynasty/西周 (1046 BC - 771 BC; Luoyand was again one of two capital cities), Eastern Zhou dynasty/东周 (770 BC - 256 BC), Western Han dynasty/西汉 (briefly starting from 202 BC), Eastern Han dynasty/东汉 (25 AD - 220 AD), Kingdom (dynasty if going by the traditional official historiography) of Wei/曹魏 (220 AD - 266 AD; this is part of the famous Three Kingdoms period), Western Jin dyansty/西晋 (266 AD - 213 AD), Northern Wei dynasty/北魏 (386 AD - 534 AD; Luoyang became its capital in 494 AD), Sui dynasty/隋朝 (581 AD - 618 AD; Luoyang became the capital in 605 AD), Tang dynasty/唐朝 (618 AD - 907 AD, including the brief Zhou/武周 during which Wu Zetian was the first female emperor; Luoyang was the capital or one of the capitals starting from 657 AD), Later Liang dynasty/后梁 (907 AD - 923 AD), Later Tang dynasty/后唐 (923 AD - 937 AD), Later Jin dynasty/后晋 (936 AD - 947 AD).
The build here (minus the giant dragon statue of course) is based on Luoyang during Tang dynasty, possibly around the time when Emperor Gaozong or Wu Zetian was in power, due to the presence of the enormous standing Buddha statue (Wu Zetian believed in Buddhism, while most other emperors of Tang dynasty put more emphasis on Daoism, since they claimed to be descendants of the founder of Daoism, Laozi, whose real name was Li Er). 
The Garden of Gardens - The Old Summer Palace (万园之园·圆明园)
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The Old Summer Palace or Yuanmingyuan/圆明园 was a garden constructed during Qing dynasty that incorporated elements of Chinese architecture and Western architecture.  The garden used to contain many priceless artifacts, the vast majority of which were stolen by British and French forces in 1860, and the garden itself was burned to the ground and thoroughly destroyed.  As a result of this purposeful destruction, only a few broken pillars remained, standing as a grim reminder to the plundering and destruction that were the results of Western imperialism.
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Epicwork tried to reference old photos and historical records when recreating the garden here in this build.
The quote at the beginning of the video comes from a letter written by Victor Hugo to Captain Butler (boldened portion is the quote):
To Captain Butler
Hauteville House,
25 November, 1861
You ask my opinion, Sir, about the China expedition. You consider this expedition to be honourable and glorious, and you have the kindness to attach some consideration to my feelings; according to you, the China expedition, carried out jointly under the flags of Queen Victoria and the Emperor Napoleon, is a glory to be shared between France and England, and you wish to know how much approval I feel I can give to this English and French victory.
Since you wish to know my opinion, here it is:  
There was, in a corner of the world, a wonder of the world; this wonder was called the Summer Palace. Art has two principles, the Idea, which produces European art, and the Chimera, which produces oriental art. The Summer Palace was to chimerical art what the Parthenon is to ideal art. All that can be begotten of the imagination of an almost extra-human people was there. It was not a single, unique work like the Parthenon. It was a kind of enormous model of the chimera, if the chimera can have a model. Imagine some inexpressible construction, something like a lunar building, and you will have the Summer Palace. Build a dream with marble, jade, bronze and porcelain, frame it with cedar wood, cover it with precious stones, drape it with silk, make it here a sanctuary, there a harem, elsewhere a citadel, put gods there, and monsters, varnish it, enamel it, gild it, paint it, have architects who are poets build the thousand and one dreams of the thousand and one nights, add gardens, basins, gushing water and foam, swans, ibis, peacocks, suppose in a word a sort of dazzling cavern of human fantasy with the face of a temple and palace, such was this building. The slow work of generations had been necessary to create it. This edifice, as enormous as a city, had been built by the centuries, for whom? For the peoples. For the work of time belongs to man. Artists, poets and philosophers knew the Summer Palace; Voltaire talks of it. People spoke of the Parthenon in Greece, the pyramids in Egypt, the Coliseum in Rome, Notre-Dame in Paris, the Summer Palace in the Orient. If people did not see it they imagined it. It was a kind of tremendous unknown masterpiece, glimpsed from the distance in a kind of twilight, like a silhouette of the civilization of Asia on the horizon of the civilization of Europe.
This wonder has disappeared.
One day two bandits entered the Summer Palace. One plundered, the other burned. Victory can be a thieving woman, or so it seems. The devastation of the Summer Palace was accomplished by the two victors acting jointly. Mixed up in all this is the name of Elgin, which inevitably calls to mind the Parthenon. What was done to the Parthenon was done to the Summer Palace, more thoroughly and better, so that nothing of it should be left. All the treasures of all our cathedrals put together could not equal this formidable and splendid museum of the Orient. It contained not only masterpieces of art, but masses of jewelry. What a great exploit, what a windfall! One of the two victors filled his pockets; when the other saw this he filled his coffers. And back they came to Europe, arm in arm, laughing away. Such is the story of the two bandits.
We Europeans are the civilized ones, and for us the Chinese are the barbarians. This is what civilization has done to barbarism.
Before history, one of the two bandits will be called France; the other will be called England. But I protest, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity! the crimes of those who lead are not the fault of those who are led; Governments are sometimes bandits, peoples never.
The French empire has pocketed half of this victory, and today with a kind of proprietorial naivety it displays the splendid bric-a-brac of the Summer Palace. I hope that a day will come when France, delivered and cleansed, will return this booty to despoiled China.
Meanwhile, there is a theft and two thieves.
I take note.
This, Sir, is how much approval I give to the China expedition.
Regrettably, none of the priceless artifacts that were stolen had been returned by any of the countries involved, and instead became a major part of the museum collections of various Western countries.  The small portion of artifacts that had returned to China were mostly bought from auctions by Chinese people.  To this day, British and French mainstream media refuse to fully acknowledge the plundering and destruction of Yuanmingyuan.
Lijiang, the Ancient Mystic City (中国风·丽江古镇)
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I thought the translation for the title should’ve been “the Ancient Mystical City”, but it’s okay.  This is Epicwork’s first Chinese architecture-style build that became popular.  This build is based on the real life Old Town of Lijiang (丽江古镇), which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  The real life Old Town of Lijiang has architecture that incorporated features of Han culture and Naxi culture.
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Finally, a build that doesn’t really fit the topic of this blog, but personally I really liked it, and just in time for October...
Devil Island (恶魔岛)
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The cathedral in this build is based on Duomo di Milano.
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zonaenthusiast · 8 months
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One Piece Live Action
EPISODE 1: ROMANCE DAWN - review
Here is the first of my reviews on what I liked and didn't like about the first episode of the live action. I have been writing as I watched the episode for the second time, so it is written in chronological order with references to future episodes.
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To begin with, I was very happy with Roger's execution scene. I have to admit that, as soon as Garp appeared giving the previous speech, I doubted if it was like that in the manga. I had to look it up and I'm still hesitating, but I couldn't find anything about Garp being present that day. It's a pretty cool addition, it makes a lot of sense: Roger originated the great age of piracy while Garp is a very proud marine who works every day to erradicate it, his face when Roger says his last words is magnificent. And for those who watch the live action without knowing the original story it means nothing, but for those of us who do know what Garp and Roger really are to each other it was great.
From the beginning you start to notice that the characters are slightly different (I think the Luffy in the manga wouldn't know what mutiny means) but Oda was right when he said that there are things that maybe his Luffy wouldn't say, but it looks good because the words are spoken by Iñaki. Luffy for me is the one who behaves the most different from his original version and I'm not sure he convinces me all the time, but I think our Luffy would be very difficult to translate to the screen by a real actor without being unbearable. Luffy's case is more obvious but it will happen with Nami and Sanji as well, their personalities are very intense and for a live action it was necessary to tone them down.
Alvida is wonderful from the first minute, the actress is a 10/10 in all her scenes (Ilia, please call me, I am free on weekends), confident and menacing and sometimes ridiculous. Perfect. Koby more of the same, Morgan Davies has done a great job playing the scared Koby from the beginning. I loved the first scene of Luffy and Koby together.
What I didn't like so much is the battle against Alvida, the action is one of the weakest points of the series and they have been smart to reduce it just to the necessary because most of them are just barely good enough.
However, one of my favorite things about the live action is how they've connected the characters from the different arcs, especially the villains, it gives it a greater scale that in the manga we didn't see until much later. In the Marineford saga especially, we started to see that many characters know each other because of x or y, because they have a common past, because they did business together, whatever. I thought it was smart to add something like that already. In this chapter, for example, we have Morgan mentioning that he was the one who arrested Kuro.
I say this because adding the fun fact that Zoro killed the previous Mr 7, something that in the manga is only mentioned in passing a whole saga later and has no importance and using it to justify his presence in Shells Town, is brilliant to me. The my favorite is number 1 thing? Foreshadowing at its best if we have a second season.
I'm also of the opinion that while Luffy has the worst action scenes because in the end seeing the fruit is weird at times, Zoro has the best ones. Fellow Zoro stans, I don't know if you feel the same way I do but they are a delight to watch for me. Mackenyu, you are glorious.
Shanks... I liked him but my god, the hair. What is that, is that a wig? is that his hair with a bad dye? I don't know but it looks terrible, the whole wig thing in live action is a complaint I have. The series has opted for an artificial look on purpose and you can tell, similar to the series A Series of Unfortunate Events (and it was a good idea because the gyojins probably would not have worked otherwise), but the hair department doesn't convince me. Also, Makino seemed a bit weird to me, if she hadn't been characterized at the beginning I wouldn't have thought it was her, but then she has a scene with Luffy (small Luffy, you did great too!) in which I did appreciate her personality better.
Another thing about this live action… is that it's not subtle at all, Oda is a master of show don't tell and the difference starts to show soon. Luffy doesn't go around asking people what their dreams are in the manga (he does it only in very few occasions) and I think they could have worked on the script a little more to see how Luffy, without asking directly, inspires people to tell him those things.
We move on to the bar, the moment when Luffy, Zoro and Nami see each other for the first time (kind of, because Luffy and Nami notice Zoro but he doesn't notice them and Luffy and Nami don't seem to notice each other either). Very well done too, I loved it and it's one of my favorite scenes in the whole live action. Luffy eating with Coby, Zoro picking a fight (my god, he is FINE) and Nami taking advantage of the chaos to get what she needs. The stuff with Zoro, Rika, Helmeppo and the rice balls, even if it's different, makes me infinitely happy that it was kept because it's important to understand that Zoro is much less of a dick than he appears to be.
Luffy, tell Sanji about the rice balls, this fandom is begging you.
I also found it curious that they have chosen to insist a lot on Zoro being a bounty hunter, we see Zoro emphasizing several times throughout the live action on the money they provide him, and it's striking because it's not like that at all in the manga. It gives him less of a sucker vibe and that makes me a little sad because I really like that Zoro became a bounty hunter because he needed to eat and he didn't know how to get back to his village. I like my men dumb as a rock. I assume they did it that way because they wanted to tell us what he is but what he doesn't want to be, just like it happened with Coby and it's going to happen with all the mugiwara, so Luffy can ask him the question about what his real goal is.
Anywat, both the first time Luffy and Zoro talk and Luffy and Nami talk inside the navy base are perfect, you can see the differences in their personalities from the first moment. I will always defend that meeting Luffy changes the lives of all the mugiwaras but the most obvious changes are in Zoro and Nami (maybe Robin), they owe Luffy their literal personalities.
I think Zoro breaking into Helmeppo's room while the latter is naked and acting cool with the Wado Ichimonji is cinema, I'm glad they included it. The haircut was a great touch.
Luffy and Nami's shenanigans inside the navy base, from the safe robbery to the fight in the courtyard where they are joined by Zoro... I really like that. The part where Zoro is about to leave but decides to turn around and fight them fits his personality from the beginning very well but it's actually pretty Nami coded too, she has a scene like that in Orange Town in the manga where she almost leaves but in the end feels bad for leaving them to their fate and comes back. Zoro and Nami are very similar and this live action highlights it a lot, we'll see that (episode 5, my beloved).
The battle against Morgan is short and concise, and I repeat: I think they did very well not to drag the action out longer than necessary. The part of Zoro carrying the safe and leaving Nami speechless before such a display of brute force I personally liked it a lot, it's a clear reference to the scene of Luffy and the cage in Orange Town in the manga.
The Shells Town escape also is a great idea. I already wrote a post about why I don't agree at all that Zoro's loyalty to Luffy is immediate and Nami certainly isn't loyal from the start. That they don't say yes to Luffy, but that it's more of a we have to get out of here and right now these other two people are the only allies I have works very well with them because it's exactly how they started in the manga as well.
To finish with this first review, I want to mention a last point in favor of the live action: increasing Garp's presence in the saga and making him the big antagonist present in all the arcs, I will go deeper into this in other chapters. It's very important to see how his relationship with Koby develops (and to think that this was written before the recent events in the manga, good lord).
And Buggy has the best first appearance of all. My king.
ko-fi
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saltygilmores · 9 months
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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 17, "Dead Uncles and Vegetables", Part I
I have little to no recollection of what happens in this episode except that it involves Luke's dead uncle (duh), which probably means it's filler. Glorious, glorious filler. And I can be free to be SILLY! This one will be silly. Read my reviews of all previous episodes here. The episode opens with Lorela growing irritated as she listens to an excessive amount of answering machine messages left by her mother. Oh, but when Dean does it, its cute?
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I feel like I should put this screen capture in my pocket for later use, it might come in handy.
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Oh Michel, how I've missed you.
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I hope this is one of those episodes where everything is calm and I can just bask in references to outdated technology. Luke calls Lorelai at work because his uncle his dead and he needs to book the inn.
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She found 9 available rooms that quickly, business must be slow.
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"Today's Desserts" haven't changed in 2 years.
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Haven't seen this guy in a while.
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Sure, it's bad customer service, but I think Luke should tell more people to shut up. The citizens of Stars Hollow need to be humbled. Where's Jess to help juggle all those orders? Is a little bit of child labor too much to ask for?
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I love how Stars Hollow in general is always behind techology wise (I'm not convinced they even have dial up internet yet) but Luke is always even further back. While the citizens are enamored with this new technology called a "cellular phone" Luke has banished them from his establishment and hasn't even caught up to "cordless landline" yet.
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Okay, but Luke asking you if you know how to make coffee is a reasonable question. You are in here every morning, afternoon and night where Luke makes your coffee for you. I never see you brew it at home.
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The answer to this question is always "Upstairs, jerking off."
If Jess should be at school, then why aren't you at school? Just sayin.
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Rory dared to go upstairs alone to look for Jess and Lorelai didn't follow behind her and lasso her with the Rope of Sexual Abstinence? What is the urgent and pressing business that Rory needs to discuss with Jess? Why does she sound, idk, angry? This is puzzling.
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Whoa, mama! He looks smoking hot here! His hair is gorgeous and that shirt looks great on him! I'm a slut for rolled up sleeves! I have no memory of this whatsoever. What a nice surprise.
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Listen Rory, I like you, but like, why don't YOU get a job? Luke is the Kingpin of Teenage Labor. He's employed Jess, Lane, Zac, and April and he's even had his own girlfriends pitch in and wait tables. He wouldn't be against employing his future stepdaughter.
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Rory never worked a paid job in high school except supposedly, working at the Inn in season 1, which I don't believe was a real thing.
Blah blah, she's focusing on academics, blah blah.
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Love the bright orange dildo lamp complete with balls.
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"I'll be down in a minute, the Spice Channell just unscrambled for a few seconds and I thought I saw a booby."
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"I was just about to take my pants off." "Just assume that Jeannie's going to get Major Healey out of whatever scrape he's in." I've never seen that porno. #IDreamOfWeeny #ICreamOnJeannie #OkayOkay #IllStop
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TOMATOS SIGN! MY BELOVED! I MISSED YOU! Lorelai's shirt says "For good luck rub my tummy." Lorelai accuses Kirk of hoarding packets of sweeteners to bring home, as if Luke didn't just offer Lorelai a gigantic no strings attached loan some episodes back and he couldn't afford to lose a few sugar packets. Jess emerges from upstairs with Rory close behind him after being out of sight and alone with her for several minutes and for once Lorelai doesn't seem all that concerned that Jess could have been having 2 minutes of raw unprotected sex with her daughter. Remember when she said Christopher got her pregnant in under 10 minutes (lmaaaao, what a sick burn) so she can't leave Rory and Jess unsupervised?
She's even being suspciously nice to him. Huh. Weird. Oh, right, Teach me Tonight is coming up so she's just conserving her energy.
Jess says Rory is gonna break his neck and Rory replies at least it's not his arm.
J: "I need my arm for jerking off." How many masturbation jokes can I fit into one post?
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To be continued.
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vonlipvig · 9 months
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If you don't mind my asking, You play a lot of games right??, which are your favs, you'd rec to everybody and everyone, I'm on the hunt for some games to play and you have good taste so I thought I'd ask
You think I have good taste? Why, gorsh...😳
Jokes aside, I do play video games quite regularly! I don't think I'm the biggest gamer (I have a shitty laptop, so it's not like I'm playing newly-released AAA games), but I do have some that I'm very fond of, so here are some of my faves, some well known ones, some hidden gems:
Ace Attorney - The game I played when I was 13 and completely changed the trajectory of my life. Visual novel-like game were you play a defense lawyer and make your way through court to prove your client's innocence. A CLASSIC, the characters are amazing, the stories are fantastic, and god the MUSIC. Game of All Time for me (The Ace Attorney trilogy is where I'd start, but there are many more in the series, The Great Ace Attorney being a prequel duology that can be played individually and is also incredible).
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Zero Escape - A trilogy of games about...hm. Well, it's like a bunch of people get kidnapped and put into these locked rooms, and they have to escape. It gets WAY crazier than that, but if you like puzzles, escape rooms, and insane twists, you'll definitely like these.
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Not For Broadcast - A hilarious and dark FMV simulation game where you are tasked with editing a news broadcast, censoring swear words, picking the best shots, and basically manipulating what ends up on TV. This game is a MASTERPIECE, I cannot stress that enough. It is wonderfully acted, the characters are so memorable, the plot can get real dark...it's one of my most cherished gaming experiences, and I could not reccommend it enough.
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Suzerain - A text-based, decision making, political simulator where you take the role of Anton Rayne, Sordland's newest president. Save the country from recession, rewrite the country's old constitution, or hell, maybe start a war! This game is delightful, and if you're daunted by the extensiveness of most sim games, don't be, because this is super intuitive and easy to get the hang of. The worldbuilding is fascinating, and the characters are lovable and fun!
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Her Story - An unconventional one, but so fascinating. It's another FMV game, where you're presented with a police database full of interview videos from an old case. They're not in any particular order, though, it's up to you to make sense from it! A bit of a haunting game (it's not a horror game, don't worry), I totally reccommend experiencing it.
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Return of the Obra Dinn - Jesus, another masterpiece. It's a first-person mystery game where you play as an insurance inspector exploring an old ship that has reappeared with nobody alive onboard. It's your task to discover the fate of all its crewmembers. I cannot tell you how incredible this game is, it's a big logic puzzle with an amzing atmosphere and an unforgettable experience.
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Papers, Please - I feel like everybody has played PP already, but if you haven't, oh boy go get it! Made by the same guy that made Obra Dinn, you play here as a border checkpoint immigration officer, checking people's passports and documents to see who gets to enter the glorious country of Arstotzka. One of indie games' best, truly. If you can get it on a touch screen, even better.
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The Case of the Golden Idol - If you enjoyed Return of the Obra Dinn, then you have to play Golden Idol as well. Kind of a detective-y, puzzle-y game where you search for clues on different scenes, which you then use to solve the mystery of what really happened. Hard to explain, but a joy to play through and solve!
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The Darkside Detective - A fun as hell point-and-click detective game where you join Detective McQueen and Officer Dooley on some spooky, supernatural mysteries. Hilarious, filled with witty references and jokes, and with a dynamic duo that will make you fall in love with them (and their silly, blank faces). It's got a sequel, too!
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We. The Revolution - This game sent me on a rabbit hole about the French Revolution, and it was so fun. You play here as a judge of the Revolutionary Tribunal during--you guessed it--the French Revolution. Make decisions about the cases that are brought before you, immerse yourself in the history of France (and talk to many of the key figures!), and hell, maybe even give it your own spin! Super fun, and has a gorgeously unique arstyle.
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I think that's good for now, hopefully you'll find something here that's to your taste! Happy gaming!
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plague-karm · 6 months
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Right since I’m beginning to settle down on my Digital Circus hyperfixation, it’s time to talk about another one! It surprises me that I haven’t talked about the Fnaf movie that much on here so don’t expect this to be concise, it’s gonna be all over the place so let’s go!
First off, I still can’t process that the movie is coming out in almost a week! As a self proclaimed Fnaf veteran (I’ve been a fan since the second games release) i thought this movie was doomed to be stuck in development hell but no! It’s real, fnaf is real, ye.
Anyway enough rambling, time to go feral over minor details.
Yes I watched the unlisted video in full and yes this has been on my mind for the past 7 hours or so. It captured the ambience of Fnaf 1 PERFECTLY and I couldn’t be happier about it. So I’m gonna talk about some cool stuff I saw during the video.
WHAT THE FUCK? SHADOW FREDDY? That was not on my bingo card, look at him, he’s glorious.
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I also saw this small pill bottle, it’s likely that it’s Mike’s but I’m not sure why he’d have it, maybe it’s a Walten Files situation? He could’ve went through something so traumatic that he had to take normal pills to forgor? And if Mike IS William’s son here then that would explain why he didn’t know who he was during the job interview, so the event that happened that made him become prescribed to them was likely The Bite Of 83 if that’s the case. Or they’re completely unrelated since the movies timeline is completely separate from the games.
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Enough speculating, time to talk about funnie murder man now.
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They absolutely NAILED this design, I love how you can see hints of Afton’s clothes and those eyes, holy shit those eyes, I don’t know what it is but they’re so unsettling (loving the hints of purple in those peepers). I don’t know when the suit’s showing up in the movie (probably the third act) but its probably going to be my favourite part. And if the Spring Bonnie design makes me feel genuinely unsettled, I can’t WAIT to see what they’re going to do with Springtrap.
I know some people have said that this is going to be his design for the movie but I don’t think that’s the case, look at the small hints of Afton we see in the suit, there’s no blood, no hints of bodily harm, he clearly hasn’t been springlocked yet, and the suit looks worse for wear because it’s the suit from Fredbear’s, it’s old, it hasn’t been in use for almost 2 decades (it’s been confirmed by Emma Tammi that the movie takes place in the year 2000), and speaking of springlocks…
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BBFC RATING HELLO?? UNDETAILED DECAPITATION?? HUH??
At first I thought it was referring to a possible springlock scene, but then I remembered something that would make a lot more sense
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Maybe it’s referring to this? I’ve seen a lot of theories stating that Golden Freddy might actually be Mike after something happens (hence why Abby’s so chill with a golden bear that has Sans Undertale going into his eyes).
But it could refer to quite a few things maybe that’s how the five children were killed and stuffed? Possibly, but either way, I really hope they don’t cut out the springlock failure entirely, it’s really important to the timeline and I’m genuinely curious to see what they could get away with with the rating in mind.
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ALSO THIS. Okay, so there’s obviously a few contenders here and I can immediately debunk one of them
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It’s not Balloon Boy, we see him in a drawing during this scene in the teaser trailer, and I think it would be out of place for him to show up anyway (even if I’d find it fucking hilarious)
I think it’s either Henry or The Puppet, I don’t see it being anyone else (maybe there’s someone I forgot? Idk man Fnaf canon nowadays is ridiculous). Maybe if the Mike saw trap theory actually happens The Puppet will show up to do her thing and place his soul in the Golden Freddy suit? Maybe, it’s either that or a post credits scene. And with Henry I only see him having a VERY minor role, I’m not sure what he could be doing though, we’ll have to wait and see if he shows up or not.
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Anyway I’m very excited for this movie and if it’s not at least a 7/10 I’m going to cry.
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lucere-aeresta · 9 months
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Headcanon: the angel who became Crowley.
Crowley, this guy is kind of...well, VERY important. Like, he had a hand in the creation of the world, which is supposed to be God's own feat, and when he became a demon he tempted Eve as a serpent, which is mostly attributed to Satan himself.
What a guy.
I know, a show needs to be dramatic about the characters, but Azi didn't get all the glorious deeds. Crowley did.
It was widely believed that Crowley used to be Raphael, but Neil Gaiman made it clear that was not true in an FAQ. Also, Raphael never fell from heaven. Doesn't make sense he becomes a demon. I know GO is creative about what the characters do or who/what they are, but at least until now, it sticks tightly with the real-world canon (whatever that is) about who is an angel and who is a demon. I personally think either archangel Raphael will show up later in S3, or simply because Azi's name is derived from this one so they avoided it.
Another theory is that he is Gadreel, who, as described in The Book of Enoch, "led Eve astray". Considering Gadreel is also one of the five satans or five lesser satans (satan being a title rather than a specific entity), it sounds promising. The only problem I have with this theory is that he is not that important as an angel. Like, he was not mentioned being an archangel but merely one of the Watchers, and the reason he fell was having sex with human women, which, of course, can be ignored for the purpose of creativity; but still, not a very famous angel.
Essentially, nobody has heard of him. From the perspective of a scriptwriter: if the identity of Angel Crowly is to be revealed, it's better to give him a name more known to the audience than just make him a random dude buried in the mountain of apocalyptic literature.
(If you want to be all nerdy about it, the "led Eve astray" doesn't even make sense, since it was sandwiched between all the other things Gadreel did: teaching humans "all the blows of death" and showing humans all kinds of weapons and war stuff, etc. By its contextual logic, if "led Eve astray" shows up as the first deed/crime of his, then it is likely to refer to the temptation in Eden; but in its current context, it sounds to me like he taught Eve something about killing or death or something to that nature.)
Anyway, I don't think Gadreel is the answer. Of course, I am not against this interpretation--I'm not against any headcanon and/or ideas about his identity; I just personally don't find it satisfying.
For me, the question is as simple as "Who has appeared in various texts and lore as both an archangel and has fallen to become an archdemon?" (Other than Lucifer/Satan himself.)
The first one that came to my mind? Samael.
And yes, in some lore he assumed the form of the snake and tempted Adam and Even--it was also he planted the Tree of Knowledge before his fall, which sounds close enough to say he participated in the creation of the world itself.
Sometimes Samael is identified as Satan, or at least largely functions as Satan, the accuser, the adversary. He leads the fallen angels, goes about to attempt humans, and creates demon children with Lilith.
On the other hand, in a lot of ancient literature, he is depicted as an archangel who rules over a significant portion of God's realms, sometimes even one of the Seven Archangels of God. Even nowadays you can still find Archangel Samiel (a variation of his name) shown in a few churches.
The significant role Samael plays as both a demon and an angel, as well as his duality presented in various traditions and literature, convinces me that he could be a good candidate for Crowley's hidden identity. Of course, Samael's fame as the "angel of death" doesn't fit Crowley, but, well, it's GO we are talking about. Gotta take some liberty.
I wish there was a fallen angel with a proper angel name--all the fallen angels have names that appear to be against God, indicating that their names might have been changed after the fall. It's really hard to find one. But I think Samael can pass this one: his name means "venom of God", kind of indicating he is not really a bad guy but just serving God in his own way, which is believed true in some traditions. (And, in the book of Job, Satan is not an enemy but the accuser who got God's permission. In GO it was Crowley who messed with Job--he is essentially doing all the Satan things.) Also, since even the churches are alright with archangel Samiel, I don't have anything to complain.
Btw, Gadreel passes this one too. His name means "wall of God", even better.
I also like the idea to use some characters like Raphael, an archangel who's never fallen, to emphasize his glorious past and to avoid a hidden demon identity (which is tricky but can be explained as he got beef with Hell and didn't want to be seen as the prominent demon anymore so he just uses an alias). I just have a hard time finding a fitting character like that and somehow Raphael doesn't feel right (also rejected by Gaiman himself, but that's only secondary).
Samael is the closest I can get. I am curious to see his angelic identity revealed in S3, if it's ever going to be.
PS: I was wondering why they didn't give Azi a typical angel name, something ends with "el", meaning God. I thought it was indicating that he is not within the high-rank angels or he is going to fall or something in S3, but in the FAQ it seems...that's just a random decision? Well, I know I'm always looking into these things too seriously lol
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dolphin1812 · 1 year
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“England and Germany didn’t actually win the battle of Waterloo” is definitely one way to start a chapter.
Beyond that, Hugo then argues that military victory is trivial anyways; a nation isn’t measured by its strength, but by its arts. Hugo connects this to ideas of “civilization” (always concerning to hear from a nineteenth-century writer), claiming that only “barbarous peoples” (again, not a phrase I want to hear from a French writer in the 1860s) measure their worth in military achievements. Giving England praise for Wellington, then, is meaningless when England’s real gift is Byron (I wonder which French writer Hugo wants us to think of here?). 
More seriously, distancing military feats from a nation’s success is one way for Hugo to maintain France’s dignity in the face of this defeat. Napoleon may have been defeated by destiny, not the British (according to Hugo), but making sure that a nation’s value isn’t dependent on wins and losses would be reassuring to the French readership of his time. However, placing a nation’s value on culture, not on individual leaders, also implies a criticism of valuing individuals simply because of their rank. Given that France was under the rule of Napoleon III, another emperor, while Hugo (a writer and cultural figure) was in exile, Hugo may be saying that this government’s return to imperial practices and neglect of its artists is harming French prestige.
Then, Hugo praises (and critiques) England. Wellington remains, in his view, mediocre next to Napoleon. If he can’t be the victor of Waterloo, then another must be: the English people.
“England has been too modest in the matter of Wellington. To make Wellington so great is to belittle England.”
This line is a somewhat comical way of saying this, but to Hugo, the ultimate victory lay with the soldiers fighting for England, not with their fairly typical commander.
“As for us, all our glorification goes to the English soldier, to the English army, to the English people. If trophy there be, it is to England that the trophy is due. The column of Waterloo would be more just, if, instead of the figure of a man, it bore on high the statue of a people.”
Repeating this idea here, Hugo continues to stress the contributions of regular people - namely, soldiers - over generals. However, he also criticizes English society, noting that the idea of the “nation” there trumps the idea of “the people.” Being so hierarchical and class-oriented, the English people “[subordinate] [them]self and [take] a lord for [their] head. As a workman, it allows itself to be disdained; as a soldier, it allows itself to be flogged.” In this critique, he explicitly references the Glorious Revolution and the French Revolution, implying that the people have the power to change this (and, through the reference to the French Revolution, that France has the ability to change unjust social orders as well). Additionally, Hugo comments that British histories can’t praise heroes below a certain rank, thus contrasting his own work (which focuses on the people overall, but specifically many low-ranking officers and ordinary soldiers in this section) with British writings that are required to neglect the lower classes.
I also like that he ends this chapter with the lingering memory of the battle, even if it’s no longer as physically visible. The contrast between the devastating death tolls he cites and the peaceful plains is stark, so it’s easy to see why someone with a more immediate connection to the conflict (like Hugo, as a 19th-century Frenchman) would still feel as though the ghosts of the battle were present there.
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notquitecogent · 2 years
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baby, i'm yours now (dreaming a connection)
EDIT: A quick update to say this one is now also available on Ao3, in glorious high-definition.
BEHOLD! My first-ever (public) attempt at fic – and smut, no less! (#allin) – inspired by, and written for, the incomparable @majicmarker. It's Hellcheer. It's demisexual. It's soft as hell. It's stream-of-consciousness ADHD vibes (not my usual style but I feel like it works for Eddie's POV, which this is).
Anyway, I'm terrified of posting this (see also: the crippling fear of being known) but I'm biting – nay, tearing – through the proverbial bullet because this was fulfilling to write and perhaps it will fulfil others?? TITLE: baby, i'm yours now (dreaming a connection) PAIRING: Eddie x Chrissy (F/M), Stranger Things s4 RATING: Explicit WORD COUNT: ~4,000 CHAPTER COUNT: 1/1 WARNINGS: Heterosexual sex, mild drug references, swearing, overusing italics for emphasis, run-on sentences as a stylistic choice Ok. So. It really, really wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 
After nearly 20 years on Earth, Eddie was well and truly used to getting carried away; his out-of-control imagination would grab a concept in its greedy little hands and bolt – catapulting between ideas, fantasies and ever-more-complicated scenarios before he’d even had the chance to really think. 
It was an uncontrollable kind of thing, the way his brain just seemed to latch and run with it. 
And, well, sometimes it worked out; there were song lyrics (Corroded Coffin’s finest, if he said so himself), D&D campaigns (more than a few inspired narrative twists) – even poems (shut up). 
And sometimes, like now, it really, really didn’t. 
Because his brain’s latest obsession was one Christine Elizabeth Cunningham. Oh yes. Queen of Hawkins High, almost certainly Prom Queen, captain of the cheerleading squad, Chrissy Cunningham. A very nice, very pretty, very most definitely off-limits, unavailable, do NOT under any circumstances even think about it, you fucking idiot, type of girl. 
The picture of loveliness and wholesomeness and everything bright and good in the world, but with big sad eyes and a laundry list of trauma oh, about 50 feet long. 
Unlike her certified dropkick Conformity Ken boyfriend, Chrissy was sweet as a peach, and just as easily bruised – she’d been so nervous when they’d met up at the picnic table, and it had made him want to wrap her in cotton wool and tell her everything was going to be alright. Made him want to slay all her demons and keep her safe forever. 
You know – real righteous Paladin, white knight shit. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 
Because she already had a guy for that (the aforementioned dropkick, Jason Carver – god, even his name was like something out of Tiger Beat). 
It was Jason’s job to take care of her; to hold her tight and stroke her silky is-it-reddish-blonde-or-blondish-red hair and oh, probably make her cups of hot chocolate with the tiny marshmallows she probably loved because she was probably just that cute. 
Except she hadn’t gone to the King of All Tools when everything got bad, had she? She’d come to him – in secret, might he add – and she’d gotten into his van and come back to the trailer and stood inside and then chickened out of taking any drugs and just sat there and cried and poured her little sugarplum heart out to him. 
And, well, he couldn’t help how he felt about that, could he? Eddie wasn’t made of stone – in fact, he’d been reminded far too many times that his heart might as well have been made of those same tiny hot chocolate marshmallows, for all the soft, squishy, tender, sweet feelings that seemed to pour out of it whenever someone in his vicinity was upset. 
He’d wrapped her up in a threadbare blanket and awkwardly rubbed her shoulder and she’d smiled and said, “Yes, please, Eddie,” when he’d asked if she needed a hug. And he’d held her in his arms and she’d rested her no-it’s-definitely-reddish-blonde head on his chest, right above his black widow tattoo and more importantly, the marshmallow heart – and his foolish, ridiculous, idiot brain had decided Chrissy Cunningham would be all it would think about every minute of every hour since. 
He’d dropped her off at the big, beautiful house in Loch Nora (that she lived there and he lived in the seen-better-days double-wide in Forest Hills Trailer Park was such a cliché it was like a fucking Billy Joel song come to life).
Then he spent the next two hours chain-smoking and scarfing down handfuls of cereal and gas station candy while his imagination made her the centre of Corroded Coffin’s next hypothetical concept album, right down to the cover art (she’d be in one of those long chiffon nightdresses, floating about an abandoned castle as he dispatched her ghoulish nightmares back to Hell with a truly vicious riff). 
And then she’d somehow got his number from Dustin Henderson and called him up on the phone, just to say hi, just to make sure he wasn’t too freaked out by her the other night. And they’d made plans to hang out again – had gone for a walk in his neighbourhood where no-one of consequence would see them together, and his stupid blabber mouth had told her some of his secrets, like why he didn’t have a mom or dad (abandoned him and in prison, respectively) and why he was repeating senior year yet again (at this point it’s just habit, he’d joked, ha ha ha, and she’d given him this half-grin like she couldn’t tell if he was trying to make her laugh or not – but he was, he always was, he’d never stopped trying after hearing her delightful little giggle for the first time). 
Then it was very much sharing their hopes and dreams – all very teenage American heartland, John Cougar Mellencamp bullshit, he thought with shame (excitement) and disgust (delight).
But it had kept going like that; the calling up, the meeting up. “I can’t talk to anyone the way I talk to you,” she'd confessed once, so matter-of-factly it broke his heart a bit. She brought him a little cross-stitched Corroded Coffin bandana for his birthday in May, and he’d made her a mixtape for hers a few weeks later in June. 
“This is so sweet, Eddie,” she’d said. “I’ll listen to it every night.” And his brain had melted out his ears imagining her in her frilly pyjama set, under the covers with her headphones on and thinking of him. 
They didn’t talk in school. Prom came and went, with Chrissy and Jason predictably crowned Queen and King and Eddie spending the evening getting excruciatingly high and trying not to think about them going up to the suite Captain Haircut had probably booked at Hawkins’ only nice hotel to celebrate, just the two of us, like the walking cliché he was. 
Before he knew it, graduation was upon them. He’d already resigned himself to never seeing Chrissy Cunningham again, once she moved away to IU with Darling Jase. They should start a new war and bring back the draft, Eddie thought uncharitably, and then felt immediately guilty because Uncle Wayne had been in Vietnam.
Except, as it turned out, Eddie didn’t need the United States Armed Forces to get involved because Chrissy voluntarily broke up with Jason four days into summer break, telling him she’d be going to Illinois instead for her legacy place at her dad’s alma mater. 
A little after that, she’d come to the trailer unannounced and out of breath, chipmunk cheeks flushed and an unreadable expression (strangely like hope?) in her lovely, lovely eyes that were bluish-grey-or-were-they-greyish-blue. 
Which brings him to the present moment, in which he is entirely unsure what exactly the fuck is happening – but what else is new?
“I’ve realised something,” Chrissy tells him at the door. 
“What?” he asks dumbly, and then she grabs the collar of his lucky Black Sabbath T-shirt and pulls him into what is, to date, the best and most Earth-shattering kiss he’s ever had, until she plants the second one on him.
“I’m in love with you, Eddie,” she says between that first and second kiss (and on the third, she slips her tongue in his mouth). 
And while his brain seems to have fallen into an LSD-like trance amid the insane sensory overload he is currently experiencing, Eddie’s hands have a mind of their own; they make a valiant attempt at overloading his senses even more, skimming Chrissy’s waist, then sliding around to cup her ass through her little corduroy skirt. 
And then he realises he didn’t say anything when she told him she loved him (she is in love with him!!) and he has to break away – panting, hopefully not too embarrassingly, and rest his forehead against hers. 
“Do you love me too, Eddie?” she says softly, gazing up at him through her delicate little eyelashes, with her shining definitely-bluish-grey eyes. “It’s alright if you don’t. I just needed you to know I love you.”  
She’s holding his wrists as he cups her face, and she closes her eyes for a moment as if dreading what he has to say next. 
Eddie can’t help himself; he bends and kisses both cheeks, in the place where tears might fall if she were crying. 
“I think,” he says, kissing one, “I might love you more” – he kisses the other – “than anything in the world,” he concludes, brushing his lips softly against hers. 
With his eyes closed, he can feel her break into a smile a mile wide and an ocean deep, and she kisses him back like a sunbeam.
And though his brain is barely coping with finally, finally having Chrissy Cunningham’s mouth on his mouth, he's becoming rapidly aware that they are still standing in the doorway of the trailer. 
“Would you like to- to come inside?” he asks as she softly sucks his lower lip. Chrissy nods, and he pulls her in and shuts the door. “Um, I have, I have water and coffee, I think, and maybe juice, I don’t know if Wayne went to the market yet, but if you’re thirsty I can-“
Chrissy cuts him off. “I’m not thirsty, Eddie,” she says with an unfamiliar, deeper note in her voice, staring at his lips and running her hands under the back of his T-shirt. 
His throat goes dry, his skin erupting in furious tingles wherever her fingers trace – oh Jesus she’s touching his front now, smoothing her palms up to his chest, and what the fuck is he supposed to do with that?
“If you want, could I- could I see your room?” she asks him, the same – yes, he will say it, sexy – voice as before, but a little shy, and it is, once again, a melting-brain situation. 
He nods and kisses her again again again, arms winding around her waist in a soft hug before taking her hand and leading her down the narrow corridor to his – oh no, fucking filthy – bedroom, kicking the door behind them. 
It is, predictably, a mess of discarded clothing, screwed up paper, magazines, loose cigarettes, several cups in various states of emptiness, and he only has one pillow, and that blanket has seen better days, and Chrissy is running her hands over his back, she’s tugging him around to face her, she’s rocking up on her tip toes and there’s her tongue again. 
He shuffles awkwardly back onto the unmade bed, sitting down when his legs hit the mattress, and he must be dying, must be dead, because Chrissy is climbing onto his lap and lifting off her top to reveal, in full, the lacy white bra he had tried to pretend he couldn’t detect through the cotton. 
She cups his face and pecks his lips and grabs his wrists and moves his hands from the bed back to her waist. “You can touch me, Eddie,” she says, and it’s the single most erotic thing he’s ever heard in two decades of life. 
He brushes her bare skin and she shivers – god, he hopes his hands aren’t too cold – and moves up to slip her bra straps down her shoulders, and now there is very little keeping her breasts from being fully exposed. He pulls down one cup and he can’t help it, he really can’t – he bends to take her dusky pink nipple into his mouth, licking it experimentally before giving it a gentle suck. And his instincts are apparently spot on, because Chrissy’s hands fly to the back of his head, and he does it again, and then he does it to the other one, and his hands are tracing the soft skin of her thighs and her back, and her hips start to shift and rock as she breathes out his name. 
Can she feel that he’s hard? Because he is. Achingly so, he realises, his erection pushing uncomfortably against the zipper of his jeans. He needs to relieve the tension, needs to grab her ass and lift her up and get his dick out and then put her back down again, right on top, slip inside her and let her rock herself back and forth until she comes, and he comes, and they live happily ever after. 
He doesn’t do that – instead, he fumbles down between them to try and get his fly undone, except his hands are too big and shaking and he can’t seem to twist the button the right way and this is a fucking nightmare. But Chrissy just giggles, the sound clear like a bell ringing, and slips her own fingers under his. She undoes the button easily, pulling down his zipper and sliding her hand over his hard cock oh my god. 
He must moan or something because she keeps smiling and does it again, pulling down the band of his boxers to get her palm around him. She’s stroking him up and down, grinning against his mouth, and he should do something, right? Should be touching her back, should be doing something other than falling apart in ecstasy. 
He moves his hands from where they’ve been glued to her hips and traces up her inner thigh, brushes the front of her panties (also lace, it feels like – a matching set???). Then he feels a damp spot and almost passes out. That means she’s wet – what they are doing is making her wet. She rocks forward against his fingers again, making this little needy humming sound. 
“Please, Eddie, I want it,” she murmurs into his mouth as she kisses him and strokes him and presses their bodies even tighter together, and he thinks he’s getting the hint. 
He rubs her through the lace, dragging the damp fabric over the spot underneath, and her eyelashes flutter. Uh huh, she says, almost involuntary, almost a nod. So he keeps doing it, trying to focus and not look down at her pretty little fingers with their pink nail polish wrapped around his dick. 
But after a few minutes of bliss, his own hand begins to cramp and he slips his fingers under the elastic,  says against her mouth, “Can I take these off?” 
Chrissy quickly clambers off his lap and stands in front of him, bringing his fingers to the sides of her underwear, helping him drag them down her smooth thighs and skinny legs – and he can’t help himself again because it’s all basically eye level, so he rests his head against her stomach and kisses her there and he wants to kiss her lower, wants to lick his way between her thighs and make her shake and say his name again. 
“Can I- can I? With my mouth…” he says haltingly, brain thoroughly useless at this point. But it’s not like he has much experience to go off, anyway – has no idea what he’s supposed to say. 
Chrissy blushes scarlet from her forehead to the tips of her breasts and nods. “Ok, ok, uh... lie down,” he tells her, and he’s never been more thankful for being barefoot, because now would be the worst time to have to unlace his Docs or his Reeboks, and instead all he has to do is pull off his T-shirt and his jeans and his boxers and then he’s naked and he looks up and Chrissy is shimmying out of her skirt and unhooking her bra and then she’s naked too. 
Not only is she naked, but she is lying back against his one disgusting pillow and looking up at him, nervous, excited, but overall fucking joyful – and it occurs to him that this is the absolute pinnacle of his existence so far. 
So he eases her legs apart and begins kissing her thighs, where his fingers had traced before, and she shivers again and gulps as he gets closer and closer to where she’s so hot and wet. God, he wants to make her come so badly. 
He tries to remember what he’s read, what he’s seen, what he’s heard. He spreads her with his thumbs, licks up the centre, brushes what must be her clit because she lets out a shocked little sound when he does it, so he does it again and she squeaks.
He tries to form some kind of rhythm, and she starts panting, gasping, “Eddie, don’t tease me.” 
Shit, fuck, was he? Is that what he was doing? And what is he supposed to do next?? Well, there's really only one option; he closes his lips over her clit and sucks, trying to keep flicking the same spot the same way as before, and Chrissy lets out a sound that is halfway between a scream and a moan. She buries her fingers in his hair again, holding him in place while she grinds up against his mouth. It’s so hot he can’t stop pressing his dick into the mattress.
He keeps it up, and soon she starts shaking again and chanting Eddie, Eddie, Eddie and then his face feels very wet because she’s coming, Jesus Christ. She’s got his name in her mouth and his mouth on her pussy, and he’s making Chrissy Cunningham come, and this is – without doubt – the best of all possible worlds. 
He’s about five seconds from coming himself, if he’s honest. She tugs on his hair slightly and he pulls away, mouth and chin shiny, looking up at her. 
Chrissy is red-faced, her hair a tangled halo, muscles lax, every part of her screaming afterglow. 
She’s fucking radiant.
“Eddie, that was… I’ve never done that before,” she turns away all shy, and he shimmies up and settles himself between her legs, so they are chest to chest. 
“Neither have I,” he says, tilting her chin up to kiss her, and she looks surprised for a second before winding her arms around his shoulders and whispering, “Do you want to…?” 
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. Except… “Condom?” God, could he be any more blunt? Stupid, so dumb.
“In my skirt,” Chrissy says into his neck, and Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. She really wanted this, planned for it, even – as if the love bite she’s currently sucking over his thundering pulse wasn’t evidence enough of that. 
He blindly reaches down, fumbles for the pocket amongst the corduroy, and grabs the shiny metallic square. 
“Uh, I’ll just be a second,” he says awkwardly, kissing her nose as he sits back on his knees. Jesus, his dick really is front and centre like this. He’s definitely blushing, and his hands shake slightly as he focuses on ripping the package open and rolling the Latex down. If Chrissy notices how nervous he is, she doesn’t show it – she just looks at his hard-on and licks her lips and then bites them and looks up at him again through her eyelashes, and god it’s so sexy this whole thing will probably only last a minute. 
He leans forward, lining them up, watching Chrissy’s face to stop himself squeezing his eyes shut as he slides inside her for the first time. She’s biting her lip again, and breathing heavily, and he forgot to ask her if she’s ever done this part before – but of course she has, right? It’s him that’s the clueless virgin.
She’s cupping his face as he’s buried within her. “Kiss me, Eddie,” she says, so soft and sweet his heart might break again, and so he does. “You can move,” she whispers, and then – marvellously! – adds, “You feel good.”
“Yeah?” he says back, keenly aware of how little he’s spoken while they’ve been doing this – uncharacteristically so. Usually he can’t just fucking shut up, but apparently sex is the exception that proves the rule. Does she wish he was talking more? Should he work on that? 
“It’s so good, Eddie,” Chrissy smiles. “You’re so good.” 
And oh, that’s doing it for him. What an egomaniac he’s turned out to be. 
“You’re so good, you’re so beautiful Chrissy, I feel like I’m going to die,” he stammers, and she huffs out a giggle and says, “Not yet,” as she rubs their noses together.
He starts to move, experimentally, trying to keep it slow, trying not to hitch her knees up and just pound her into the bed. It’s so overwhelming, he’s right on the edge already, desperately trying to hang on and make it good for her. He leans back and wedges his hand between them, thumbing her clit in time with his thrusts, and she’s moaning softly again, her head back and eyes shut. 
It’s too much – he can’t stop watching his cock disappear inside her, watching her perfect, perfect tits jiggle and bounce with every movement, her lovely face, still blushing pink with a sheen of sweat from the orgasm he gave her, a second ago, when she was riding his face and coming, so wet and hot all over him, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie… 
Oh no. “Shit, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m going to come” – the words fall out as he speeds up and just fucking disintegrates, just shatters apart, buries his face in her neck as he moans like it’s being ripped out of him. 
Moments pass. Consciousness returns. He’s dimly aware he’s panting, his probably extremely annoying heavy breaths hitting her soft skin. But she’s stroking his hair, running her fingernails over his scalp, and he must be in heaven; he’s ascended to the fucking astral realm, because he can’t remember ever being so content. 
He lifts his face and nuzzles her nose with his nose again. “That was… uh, that was great,” he says lamely, adding a sheepish, “Fast – but great.” 
Chrissy giggles, and he can feel the vibrations through her body into his. 
“I’ve had faster,” she winks, adding, “But, um, that was the most fun I’ve ever had, doing that, so…” 
“Well, that is the goal,” Eddie grins, pressing another soft kiss to her cheek and reaching a hand up to tuck a tendril of golden hair behind her ear. 
“What now?” he asks. 
“Oh,” replies Chrissy with a fond smile. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” 
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thestarwrites · 2 years
Text
The Second Half of '85, Ch. 1; The Fun Fair
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Summary; Eddie Munson had been friends with Y/N L/N since middle school. They'd done everything together; until she went to college, and he didn't. You had stayed extremely close, and now, you're back in Hawkins for the Summer of '85.
Warnings; angst, faphobia
2,757 Words
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“Its bullshit is what it is,” Eddie grunted as he hit the joint again before passing it to Gareth, “A fourth of July extravaganza, what capitalist bullshit.”
Gareth and a few of the other Hellfire Club nodded in agreement as they passed the joint around— benefits of the club, free weed when Eddie was around. Y/N shook her head, like always, when the joint was offered to her. The freak who didn’t get high.
Eddie looked over at the girl and winked when he saw her pass over the drugs and she rolled her eyes, cheeks red. She wasn’t in his club anymore, not one of his minions. She was… his equal. She was an artist. Another loser, like him, teased for being fat. She was his best friend.
Y/N and Eddie had been friends since 8th grade. Finding their shared love of Lord of the Rings during English class. Though they weren’t inseparable, they were very very close. Hell, she was a the one who came up with the Hellfire logo in sophomore year — with his guidance of course. And she played D&D with them until graduation.
She’d graduated in ’84, when he was supposed to originally, went to her first year of art college. Not far enough away for Eddie not to be able to go see her, but far enough away for them to spend weeknights on long phone calls, and weekends where he’d bring her back home.
Now it was summer break, he’d flunked a second time, but it didn’t matter, because the dynamic duo was reunited for three glorious months.
Y/N sighed and stood looking over the festivities, “I dunno… it looks kinda fun,” when Eddie shot his eyes upwards she chuckled, “Whassa matter Eddie…? Afraid of a little fun?”
“Yeah okay kids, we’re gonna go up in there in our LEATHER JACKETS, and our LONG HAIR and PIERCINGS…” He was up, doing his court jester thing, waving his hands and making the other boys laugh and look up at him like he was their King— which he was.
“And not give a fuck?“ She whispered to him, wearing his Dio vest, because anything else would be too small for her to wear, and he wanted her to feel included, “Come on Eds…” she whined softly, “I just want us all to stop brooding for a change and have a good night.”
The others looked to him and he rolled his eyes, “Alright peasants! Disperse!”
When the gang all left, he visibly deflated, knowing his audience was gone and he turned his head to the artist, “Listen… I wasn’t trying to ruin your pomp…” she frowned and walked over to him, sitting beside him in the grass, “Truth is… I wanted time alone with the real Eddie Munson.”
He quirked an eyebrow, “The real Eddie? What’s that mean, Lisa Frank?”
“The you when you don’t have an audience,” She whispered and nudged his shoulder with hers, “My friend, Eddie. My muse.”
“Muse, huh?” He chuckled, nudging her back, “What are you, Pygmalion?”
She smiled brighter at that, “I love that you know all that shit.”
“I love that you know all that shit. No one ever gets my references,” Eddie smiled and lit a cigarette, “So… you chased off all my cronies, and we’re just gonna… sit here and not have any fun a the fun fair?!” He stood and held out his hand, “Come on, Princess, I’m gonna show you the night of your life.”
“Eddie,” she warned and he just grabbed her hands, pulling her up, her cheeks lit red as she realized he must know now how heavy she really was. But he held her steady and just kept smiling, “What are we doing, going on an adventure?”
His dorky smirk spread over his face, “Why, yes, Miss Rosie Cotton, we are going to attend Bilbo’s birthday… and we’ll eat and drink, and maybe…. Even dance!" He mock-gasped and covered his mouth.
Laughter bubbled from her lips, he always made her laugh, it made Eddie swell with pride, “Well if I’m Rosie Cotton, then that would make you Samwise…” she smirked and poked his chest, “But… You don’t seem like him to me…”
“Oh? And what do I seem like?”
Y/N tapped her chin in thought before humming, “You’re so a Boromir.”
“BOROMIR!? What the fuck, Y/N! He’s the worst!”
She guffawed, “Did you even read the book!?”
“I have read that book more times than you have! Boromir is the fucking worst.”
Scoffing she took a moment and then she looked as if she realized something. She nodded to herself, tapping her forehead, “I forgot, you’re a man.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He grunted, feeling a little strange because in the years they had been friends, the idea of her as a woman never really crossed his mind. Not that he thought she was ugly, she was just… Y/N. Just as she’d been since they were 13. But now, I guess it shifted in his mind - she was 20, same as him.
“It MEANS, Eddie Munson… that you can’t look at Boromir of Gondor with a woman’s eyes,” she paused for effect before continuing, “If you could… you would see a kind man, a strong man, someone who commands great respect and esteem from his fellow Gondorians. Someone with a sense of loyalty, but not necessarily a sense of purpose… all he wants are his people to be safe, and his father to be proud of his decisions… a man of honor, who was just a man; fallible, imperfect… but beautiful— wonderful.”
The soft look on Eddie’s face was that of complete awe as she described the person she felt he was - a man of honor. Wonderful. Beautiful. He was a bit dumbfounded at the passion she spoke for the Captain of the White City. Eddie knew she’d always been passionate, he’s seen her in her full D&D glory. But - her passion was seemingly only reserved for art, things of beauty, not men, never men. In fact, she’d never even confided any crushes in him. Not even after the whole Chrissy Cunningham thing he asked her about in Freshman year. Come to think of it, after that she never even talked about any celebrity crushes after that. The only man she ever loved was Thorin Oakenshield, who’s initials she had tattooed on her arm in dwarvish — a bat on the other arm, to match his.
Y/N cleared her throat after a long moment of him just staring at her, “So… yeah, you see, Boromir… is actually my favorite character,” she shrugged, “Though you’re a lot like Faramir as well - which, makes sense… they’re brothers.”
“Eowyn,” Eddie spoke out softly, with a definitive nod.
The artist looked up at him and made a soft noise of confusion, “Huh?”
“That’s who you are,” he smirked, standing up and putting his hands on his hips, “I don’t know why I didn't realize it before— maybe that’s why I can’t graduate,” He paused for her laugh but she looked too shocked to laugh, he he continued, “You’re a total bad ass. Kick ass right in there with the boys. Hell, you’re stronger than the boys. You’re Eowyn.”
Blushing hard she smiled, “I’m not strong or beautiful enough to be her,” her voice was soft and sad.
Eddie looked at her incredulously, “Sweetheart— Do you hear yourself. You sound like an idiot, and we know you’re not, you’re a bonafide college sophomore now!” Before she could say anything else, he grabbed her hand again, “LET'S GO My Lady of Edoras! Boromir’s gotta win you a big damn teddy bear at at least ONE arcade game!! I have to prove how galant I am,” He grinned so big it could outshine the moon.
Pulling the girl along she sighed and chuckled, “Eds—“
“Ah ah, not my name!” He replied in a British accent.
Rolling her eyes again she sighed, giving in as she always did, adopting a British accent of her own, “My lord, Eowyn and Boromir never meet… that was Faramir, remember? Houses of Healing?”
“Then, tonight, allow me to be your Faramir, my lady,” he smirked and winked, kissing the knuckles of his best friend gallantly. She looked away to hide the blush on her cheeks, but he saw it. Maybe all the years of teasing had made her fond of him. He doubted it of course, never allowed himself the thought before — she was in college, in art school and he was still in high school.
The girl stood and sighed with a smile, “I… I shall allow it, my lord,” she stuttered gently and walked close to him, still holding his hand, not daring the feeling of letting go.
Eddie smiled and laced his fingers with hers, he enjoyed her indulging in the fantasy game he laid out for them, just as she always did, “Come then, Horse Mistress,” he chuckled and led her down the hill toward the fair, “I shall make an allowance to join this common frivolity, for only your sake… for you, I would walk into Mordor itself!” He declared loudly and clasped his chest, “Through fire, even through shadow and flame… I would face down Morgoth’s Balrog if it gave me one more kiss,” he kissed her knuckles again.
The two of them walked hand in hand, her cheeks red, worried Eddie would feel the sweat on her palm, “So, what shall we do first?” She asked softly, no accent.
“Well - what do you want to do? This is your night, my lady,” Eddie’s own voice briefly returned as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, “Whatever you’re comfortable with, y’know?” He pushed a curl of her cropped pixie cut back.
Y/N looked around, anywhere else but the warm chocolate eyes of Eddie Munson, biting her lip she noticed the people around them. Everyone was laughing and running around, and her face slowly lit up with all of the colors and lights. Eddie himself was quite spellbound. Finally she pointed, “Eddie — Will you take me on the Ferris wheel?” The Ferris wheel was definitely a ride she figured she wouldn’t be too fat to ride.
“Ah ah,��� he tutted, “Not my name,” He chuckled and nodded, “Yes, dearest,” he pulled her along, and from the top of the world - or you know, a few feet off the ground of Hawkins, Indiana- she felt like she could fly.
They were both getting really invested in their little game of make believe up here alone as they moved around, Eddie pointed, “Ah look! You can see the tower of Orthanc from here! I wonder if Saruman the White is plotting any misdeeds…” He ticked her plump waist a bit and she laughed, swatting him away.
“The view is stunning atop Minas Tirith, my love!” She called out as she was laughing, not thinking about what she had called him, “I swear I can see all the way to the Shire!”
Eddie smiled warmly at her excitement, how much actual fun he was actually having with her, and he swallowed as she heard the sentiment - my love. He just cooly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, his other hand finding hers on the bar. The two of them just sat there, cuddled up together until the ride came to an end.
Clearing his throat he stood and held out his hand, “Come along, my dear lady.”
Taking his hand again she stood, “Now, my Lord, I want you to win me a big fucking stuffed animal!”
Smirking he quirked an eyebrow, “I don’t believe they spoke in such a manner in Middle Earth.”
“I want my Eddie to win it for me,” she snapped back happily, “To remind me of you while I’m away at college. When you can’t visit with me and be with me.”
My Eddie, she said. He beamed and took her hand in both of his, kneeling in front of her, “Baby, I will win you the biggest fucking stuffed animal at this shit-hole fair, and then, I want to take you back to my place and watch a scary fucking movie.”
She laughed and blushed hard as other people walked by looking at the town freak like he was making an absolute fool of himself, putting on a show for the girl he was the most devoted to. She opened her mouth to speak, eyes soft, until…
“WELL, well,” the voice of Jason Carver called out, his other basketball cronies in tow, “If it isn’t the FREAK — what are you doing, Munson? Proposing to your fat girlfriend? What a happy home your trailer will make!”
They all laughed, some of the jocks making pig noises, until Eddie sprung to his feet - the Junior’s stupid letterman jacket clenched in both of Eddie’s fists, “What the fuck did you say, Carver!?”
Y/N moved forward and tried to grab his arm, “Eddie — Eddie stop!”
“You- you better listen to your little fat wife, Munson,” Jason croaked out.
The older boy, now about to start his third senior year, grit his teeth, “If you -ever- say anything against my fucking girl again I’ll fucking -kill- you, you slimy jock-fuck.”
Y/N gripped Eddies leather jacket tighter, “Eddie… Please… Please stop!” Her eyes were full of tears, hands shaking. She’d never felt scared of Eddie before until now. He looked unhinged, like a lunatic from a slasher film.
With another grunt, Eddie threw Jason onto the ground, “Leave my girl alone,” and with that last reiteration, he spun around, grabbing Y/N’s hand and stomping away. He dragged her for a little while, to the edge of the Midway, before she pulled on his hand.
“Eddie — stop dragging me! Where are we going! What’s wrong with you!”
“I told you!” He yelled, never having raised his voice to her before, “I told you this was bullshit! This whole fair! This whole fucked up town!” He gestured to the rest of the fair, “Why the fuck am I here!? Why the fuck am I doing this!?”
Y/N’s eyes welled with fresh tears as she took his angry outburst, after a moment she pulled her hand from his and took a step back. A moment ago, they were holding hands, talking freely and laughing and now, he was acting entirely unlike himself. In all the time she’d known him, no matter what anyone said to him, he’d never reacted like this, “I thought we were having fun.”
The boy threw his hands up in the air, “Fine! If you want to stay here and play fucking pretend at the fucking fun fair!? I’m going to go get fucking stoned and play guitar. Find your own way home, you ran off all my friends,” he spat, turning around and walking back toward the lot where his van was parked.
She stood there for a moment, humiliated, a few tears rolling down her cheeks as he stormed away, angry at her for… for what? After a few minutes of shock, she moved in the other direction, going to find a payphone to call her father to pick her up.
Jason was in front of her before she could get there. Him and the jocks with him started circling her, “Oh look boys… the pig is crying,” he smirked sickeningly sweet.
“L-leave me alone J-Jason,” She stuttered.
“Not so brave now that your boyfriend isn’t here, huh?” His friends laughed, “You’ve got that same stutter as when you were still in school.”
“I just w-want to go home J-Jason, please,” she tried to walk past him, but he started backing her up - the fireworks began to explode into a beautiful light show, so no one heard her yell for help. As she continued to back up suddenly they were upon her. Adam and Patrick lifted a huge trash barrel over her head and dumped the contents over her, letting the barrel fall over her head with a thump as she fell to the ground.
The sound of pig oinks faded into the distance as the jocks went to rejoin their girlfriends at the fair and continue with the whole facade.
The girl just struggled to get out of the trash full of greasy leftovers, melted ice cream, and all kinds of sticky reeking garbage. Finally freeing herself of the plastic bin she just cried, hugging herself as she rocked back and forth to the sound of Fireworks.
And Eddie, was nowhere near.
-----
Thanks guys! I hope you liked it! More soon :)
-KSTAR xx
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dwollfieldnotes · 7 months
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Hello, and welcome to Myth Stuff (tm)(but not really).
Ever since I read the Spiderwick Chronicles, and its amazing companion book Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide to the Fantastical World Around You, I've wanted to make my own sort of mythological encyclopedia.
And I did! Several times as a child, but in 2018 I made my first online foray, catalogued here. However, there were some problems.
At the time, I was indecisive between treading between the lanes of speculative evolution and true-blue folklore & mythology. The results were more like one of the numerous world-building projects based around speculative evolution for mythical creatures, which wasn't my intent. I think this comment by Disgustedorite on deviantart is the best criticism of this in reference to my drawing of the Minoan Gryphon:
"I'm sad that you went the mundane decoration route instead of glorious display feathers like what you see on a lot of real birds."
I was being too conservative and unclear with my work. This is why I eventually gave up on that format. But today, I'd like to revive the premise with a new one.
Rather than being primarily art-focused, this project will be text-focused. Since 2017 I have been keeping notes on books and journals that I've read about folklore and mythology, organizing them by source with sections for the creatures detailed within. This blog will be sharing the fruits of that labor.
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Most of these will be short and informal. I don't have as much time to write out proper entries summarizing and connecting these bits of information together anymore (especially with the other projects I'm juggling).
Entries will either be organized by species, or by source if they're short enough. Of course, because they're my notes, how I interpret the text will be colored by my own reading. Notes or additions in brackets will be my own thoughts or conjecture based on the reading).
And sadly, I can only read English fluently, and Norwegian/Danish/Swedish and Latin with the help of a dictionary. For texts like the Odyssey I can look through different translations to compare, but otherwise will try to note which translation I'm using and/or where I got it from.
Coming shortly, the first entry: the malicious manticore!
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regexkind · 1 year
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Do-Mi-Do Binge (Guest Article)
In 1953, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T was released to American audiences. They did not want it, and that reflects poorly on them. If released today, I'm confident that it would electrify the soft, sad freaks on this unprofitable website.
Near the conclusion of the film, our villain, Dr. Terwilliker, sings a number where he implores his tailors to dress him up for his glorious triumph:
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It's an...incredible song. My wife Lal is stepping in as a guest writer here and has shared her thoughts:
The outfit Dr. Terwilliker has planned for his villainous denouement is probably composed of the goofiest sounding phrases Dr. Seuss could come up with. After all, most kids would have no idea what half this stuff was! But let’s take the song seriously and see where it leads us:
Dress me in my silver garters, dress me in my diamond studs.
We’re starting off reasonable here. Garters hold your socks up, studs keep your collar down, and diamond and silver are perfectly normal fancy materials.
Cause I'm going do-mi-do-ing in my do-mi-do duds! I want my undulating undies with the maribou frills!
And here we’re already taking a turn. We are not going to discuss the “undulating” part, but maribou- you see that on old-timey rich widow robes. Those are those sheer robes with feather trim- so Dr. T’s underwear are probably boxer-brief sheer mesh with matching rows of feathers, at minimum at the waist and legs, but as this is a Dr. Seuss movie, probably continuing in stripes over the whole surface of the underwear. Not practical.
I want my beautiful bolero with the porcupine quills!
A bolero is a short jacket, originally associated with bullfighting, but later an article of women’s clothing. Surprisingly, Dr. T is quite hip and with it! Five Thousand Fingers came out in ‘53, and boleros only came on scene in 1950, apparently with the arrival of strapless dresses (via The Gundron, 1954). As you can see from this picture from ‘56, the historical bolero is longer and looser than its modern equivalent, but still, the porcupine quills pose… a problem.
We have also embarked on a theme we will be hearing a lot of in Do Mi Do Duds: women’s clothing!
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I want my purple nylon girdle with the orange blossom buds
A girdle is the modern version of the corset, and while occasionally worn by men, is mostly associated with women. Nylon would have been rather a new fabric at the time, so very modern! The orange blossom buds could pose their own complication. Unless they are a print, they would prevent the outer clothing from lying smoothly. But as we will see, Dr. T. intends to wear so many layers that the point is probably moot.
Note that orange blossoms, as in the blossoms of orange trees, are white, so the color combination is not as garish as one might expect, but don’t worry, we’ll more than make up for it later.
Cause I'm going do-mi-do-ing in my do-mi-do duds!
Yes, we know.
Come on and dress me! dress me! dress me! In my peek-a-boo blouse With the lovely inter-lining made of Chesapeake mouse!
“Peek-a-boo blouse” is one of those terms that means different things to different people. It can refer to a great many cuts and styles, but in general, a peek-a-boo blouse is either made of a sheer fabric or has flirty little cut-outs. We’re going to go with the second option, because “sheer” doesn’t work well with “mouse fur lining.”
So… Cleavage windows. Dr. Terwilliker wants cleavage windows.
Let’s back up to that mouse for a minute. Fur was a lot less controversial in the fifties than today, but think about how many mice it would take to line a blouse, even one with cleavage windows, and the kind of casual cruelty involved in suggesting such a thing. Also, Chesapeake mouse isn’t a real thing. It doesn’t refer to any variety or species, it’s just mice. From the Chesapeake region.
I want my polka-dotted dickey with the crinoline fringe For I'm going do-mi-do-ing on a do-mi-do binge!
Everyone laughs at this part, but it’s a real thing, I swear! You may have seen a dickey, particularly in an old movie or cartoon, and not known what it was. It’s a false shirt front, generally fabric and occasionally plastic- God knows which Dr. T wants- worn with a tuxedo or formal suit, neither of which Terwilliker at any point asks for. Possibly he intends to wear it under the peek-a-boo blouse.
Dickeys are traditionally mens' clothing, but once again Terwilliker is queering the binary because crinolines are women’s clothing- fluffy tulle underskirts to make your dress stick out all nice. Dickeys also made a foray into women’s fashion about ten years before Five Thousand Fingers was produced. I blame WWII fabric rationing.
So, does Dr. T. want a man’s or a woman’s shirt front? I don’t know, and neither do his tailors, and that’s why they’re ignoring him! Either way, it‘s going to be hideous, with polka dots and tulle ruffles sticking out from the sides, looking worse than an eighties prom tux and making it obvious just how fake this whole thing is.
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This, only worse.
I want my lavender spats and in addition to them I want my honey-colored gusset with the herringbone hem
The lavender spats are about the only thing in the song we actually see Terwilliker wearing! Spats are just decorative shoe covers. You’d see them towards the end of the dickey era, maybe late nineteenth century to the early forties. 
A gusset… You can’t wear a gusset. Like, it’s a part of clothing, but you wouldn’t ask to wear a bell bottom cuff, would you? (Well, if you were Dr. T. you would.) A gusset is a feature of a garment designed to improve fit, like a dart- one of those little tuck-and-release jobbies especially common to well-made women’s clothing because ladies have curves. 
Herringbone is a very fine, detailed pattern you see on nice suits and business clothes. Theoretically, you could cut and fold some herringbone fabric to make a border for a gusset, but why would you? They’re supposed to be invisible, to blend in! Once again, Dr. T.’s tailors are (wisely) ignoring him.
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This little rhombodial-diamond thing in the armpit is a gusset. Useful if your expensive blouse has gotten just a bit too tight!
I want my softest little jacket made of watermelon suede
This is two jackets at once. And a fur-lined shirt. Where is that giant piano, the Arctic?
I am just going to assume watermelon refers to the color. I don’t even want to think about how you make suede from a melon rind.
And my long persimmon placket with the platinum braid
A placket is like a gusset in that you can’t just wear one! It’s part of something else, for God’s sake! And you have to specify where you want it! A placket is a slit. Just a slit. Generally at the neckline, in a sleeve or in the top of trousers or a skirt. Whatever Terwilliker is paying his tailors, it’s not enough. Especially since it’s in pastoolas.
We’ll assume the platinum braid is a trim. It has an eighteenth century military vibe. Persimmon has to refer to the color. This whole outfit is tending kind of pastel, and, dare I say, it, pretty fruity.
I want my leg of mutton sleeves and in addition to those
What are the sleeves attached to, Terwilliker? Do you care to share that? Or do you just want them flapping around?
Leg of mutton sleeves are, again, very nineteenth century and very femme. They’re these things, named because they have the same shape as a cooked sheep leg:
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(Not always this big, but since when does Dr. T. do subtle?)
I want my cutie chamois booties with the leopard skin bows
They’re booties, so they’re short, and they’re booties, so they’re femme. 
And again with the casual slaughter of endangered animals! We’re going to have to be careful to put the bows low on the toes to avoid getting in the way of the spats.
I want my pink brocaded bodice with the floofy fuzzy ruffs
Finally, something we can attach those sleeves to. It goes well with them: it’s ornate, old fashioned and extremely feminine. Granted, I tend to think Baroque rather than Victorian when it comes to brocade, and furniture or waistcoats rather than dresses, but we’re queering the gender binary, so why not the timeline too?
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Close up of brocade from Wikipedia. Gold brocade is the most familiar, but sure, let’s go with a pink ground. 
And my gorgeous bright blue bloomers
Essentially, Terwilliker is asking for two pairs of underwear. What does he think is going to happen today? 
With the monkey feather cuffs
I have no idea what this is.
I want my organdy snood and in addition to that
A snood is a fancy, old-timey hair net. Organdy is a stiff, sheer fabric; you could do worse. 
Dr. T. has short hair. Why does he want a snood? What is he going to do with it?
I want my chiffon Mother Hubbard lined with Hudson Bay rat
Bag. It’s a bag. More specifically, a Mother Hubbard is another nineteenth century creation, this time long and shapeless and designed for house cleaning. Chiffon is a fancy, light party dress fabric. It would be like Dr. Terwilliker asking for his “silky satin sweatpants.” It just makes no sense.
Again: imaginary East Coast rodents. With all these layers and furs, he’s got to be roasting. We keep seeing Dr. Terwilliker asking for fancy things in ways that make absolutely no sense, and along with the “poison ivy walls” in Victorious it seems like he’s reaching for the trappings of wealth and prestige without really understanding what makes them fit together.
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Dahling, you are so new money.
Dress me up from top to bottom, dress me up from tip to toe
Yeah, uh-huh, we get the picture.
Dress me up in silk and spinach for today is do-mi-do day!
Now you’re just being silly. Stop being silly.
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DO-MI-DO DAY! So come and dress me in the blossoms of a million pink trees!
I’ve never seen a pink tree, and now I know why. (Note: the trees are pink. What color are the blossoms? Who knows.)  That’s a whole generation of seeds that simply won’t exist. And you thought the Onceler was bad!
Also, a million bottle caps is enough to fill half a school gym. If each blossom has three times the volume of a bottle cap and cannot be compressed for fear of damaging it, and if each tree has three or four hundred flowers… We’re gonna need a bigger piano room.
Come on and dress me up in liverwurst! and camembert cheese!
Liverwurst is a soft, disgusting sausage. It might be wearable in links, as a sash or garland. Camembert cheese is similar to Brie. How Terwilliker intends to wear it I don’t know.
Come on and dress me up in pretzels, 
If they’re large, soft pretzels (those are the good kind anyways), we could maybe hang them off Terwilliker’s ears like earrings or Bronze Age ear ornaments?
dress me up in bock beer suds
No. Just no. Absolutely not. The foam will dissolve and soak all the other clothes and ruin everything and stink something awful.
Cause I'm gooooo-ing-- do-mi-dooooooooo-ing-- in my do-mi-do duds! 
In conclusion, Dr. Terwilliker’s proposed outfit contains 23 elements, all but two of which are roundly disregarded by his tailors. He lists them off in no discernible order, but when they are sorted:
11 are articles of women’s clothing or components thereof
5 are at least a decade out of fashion, and often from the last century
6 aren’t even clothing and 5 of those are actually food
If Terwilliker’s instructions were followed, he would wind up wearing:
A fancy hair net
Two blouses
A third, fake blouse
Two jackets
A dress
Two layers of rodent fur
A corset lite (™)
Two pairs of underwear
No pants
A weird charcuterie board
A bunch of flowers
Boots with boot protectors
Every single element of this mess is *fancy*! Fur! Feathers! Flowers! Silver! Chiffon!All the luxury of wealth with none of the discretion! A complete lack of practicality! Do-Mi-Do Day is meant to be a triumph, not just over piano-hating little boys, but because it forces the world to recognize Terwilliker as Elite and his Academy as an Institution!
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