#its so sad that these two cant be together

[youlovearii]

Yandere class 1a vs yandere big 3 (mirio tamaki and neijire)

THIS ONE MIGHT SUCK CUZ IM STILL OJ SEASON 2 BUT ILL STILL TRY😭👎

three weeks ago, you met the big 3. you and the rest of your classmates were trying to beat the big 3, and you all went against mirio first, but failed. mirio felt as if you were holding back on him, so he decided to help and train you! since then, you've gotten a little closer towards the big 3.

you and nejire do little fashion shows with the two boys watching the two of you (their faces are red the entire time). mirio doesn't go easy on you when training, so you don't like it all that much.. him however loves training with you! its a way he can spend time with you, and another of holding you close to him!

sometimes he'll whisper things during training while holding you down, but he never repeats them. it was something along the lines of "you'll be mine forever"? it weirded you out, but didn't think much of it.

with tamaki, he was extremely shy near you. he was a stuttering mess, face red, and could barely talk! he was still super cute though, so that made up for it. when he wasn't all that nervous around you, the two of you would play animal crossing! it was either that, or the you and nejire and mirio would watch tv shows together, all four of you! usually, they would take turns on who would get to sit next to you, but almost always it ended up with mirios head between your thighs, tamaki on your right with his head on your shoulder, and nejire on your left talking your ear off whether or not you all were watching tv.

now class 1-A hated the attention they were getting from you, you barely had any time for them anymore! they were starting to get upset with you, snapping more often, and when they did that you would end up running to the big 3 which fueled their hatred for them even more.

you should be apologizing to them, not running to some silly third years! you should be spending time with them! so one day, they had enough. they decided you would be with them, and them only from now on.

after that incident, class 1-A stopped letting you see the big 3 unless they were inside your class for training only. they made sure your time was only occupied by them.

izuku would distract you by yapping about all the heroes, bakugou would show you his explosions as entertainment (you watched with stars in your eyes, it fueled his ego big time), todoroki wanted you to teach him social skills, and the rest of the class mainly did whatever they could to stop you from getting away from them.

but then fights started happening.. class 1-A knew they didn't have more power then the big 3, but that didn't mean they couldn't try and stop them from getting to you.

when bakugou tried attacking any one of them, he would always end up getting thrown to the ground, never landing a hit on anyone. he felt weak, and he was actually at a loss. although he'd never admit that.

izuku couldn't really do anything without breaking his bones so he was seen as useless in this situation, and todoroki had faith you wouldn't choose them over class 1-A, so he chose not to do anything.

but in the end, your excuse was, "i love you all the same! i cant choose, im sorry!!"

they were sad, of course they were. but they knew you didn't have rhe heart to choose, so they would just choose for you!

⋆｡°✩ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ✩°｡⋆

SORRY IDK IF THAT WAS GOOD OR NOT BUT I TRIED😭👎 TY FOR THE REQUEST :) ♡

#yandere izuku midoriya #yandere x reader #yandere bakugo katsuki #yandere bnha #yandere bakusquad #yandere class 1a x reader #yandere izuku x reader #yandere mha #yandere shoto todoroki #yandere

[felsicveins]

I just pictured Otto awakening from a somewhat spicy dream about Bruce, realizing “oh shit…this may be a problem” and deciding that the only way to fix this is by getting Bruce to snap at him.

However, it is VERY difficult to make Bruce angry to the point of trading insults (unless it’s John Dory lol) because he’s just that smooth. Plus having 13 children has honed his patience to be the level of a fucking saint.

I got news for you, sometimes when hot people are mad at you .... They are still hot. Sometimes it makes them hotter

#you can make bruce mad real quick if you targey his brothers 🤔 #trolls #ask #trolls oc #trolls oc otto #bruce trolls #trolls bruce #brozone #i feel like i shouldnt even tag it as ex husband cause jd aint even here!!! #trolls 3 #trolls band together #dreamworks trolls #yeesh .... well ..... #this should be it for otto and bruce for a while!!!! its been really fun drawing both of them #i have some julien stuff sitting around that i might post soon #and bass and barley #and patty #i got drawings of all of em #just gotta .... finish them ... 💀 #its so sad that these two cant be together #hes the only one who can handle otto .. #oh also idk what otto was doing maybe he was bullying floyd or branch #saying some mean out of pocket shit as he is known to do

[darealsaltysam]

im at my fucking limit oh my god atreus running to kratos to hug him after freeing garm and kratos hugging him back and then letting go and then realizing atreus ISNT letting go and NEEDS comfort and continuing to hug him and asking him what happened and not getting mad or impatient and just letting him know he’s there for him and even as EVERYONE berates him for freeing garm kratos steps in and defends him because he understands how unbearably COMPASSIONATE his son is even for an evil hellhound and telling him they’ll fix this together and how he’s not angry and is only happy that he’s safe and and and and and AND AND-

#IM IN FUCKING SHAMBLES #THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE BROKE ME #and then the two of them in hel being so quiet and gentle with each other #theyre both angry and want to apologize to each other at the same time and all thats coming out is these quiet reassurances of love and care #kratos understands he fucked up and atreus understands he fucked up but now theyre gonna fix that fuck up TOGETHER and its OKAY and #and then kratos is just letting atreus talk about what happened in asgard and being so considerate of everything he tells him #and atreus is so broken and sad and quiet and kratos is trying to draw more out of him but he CANT so hes just hes just trying to be there #for him and. holy shit i need a minute #sony santa monica im gonna need u to pay for my therapy after this #god of war #gow 5 #god of war ragnarok #gow kratos #kratos #atreus #gow atreus #writing this post through TEARS

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[kkoct-ik]

its a crime i never got round to drawing treebark when my third life fixation was at its highest. somebody shoot me

#kostik speaks #i literally planned for three ship pieces one scarian one flower husbands and one treebark and yet only got round to the first two #this was like a year and a half ago. riight at the beginning #oh! so sad #i still engage with third life a lot but its pretty exclusively kin stuff #i miss it (kicks a dozen third life scarian wips i still have under the bed) #i love rendog i love martyn why cant i (pushes them closer together. dresses ren as the red king) #i do also have that rendog miku wip ..... ugghhhhh #can you tell my motivation - inspiration - energy gradients are disjointed

[nailtagyuri]

phhhhhhh my godddddddduh i liked the shenanigans pt got up to this episode but the POTENTIAL I SEE in them makes me really distraught

#tpot spoilers #THEY COULDVE BEEN SALESPEOPLE TOGETHER IT WOULDVE BEEN SO FUN. LIKE TEAM ROCKET IF THEY WERE TWO MEOWTHS #youre all really lucky my computer is being taken to the repair store soon or i would make like 30 poststhat are just whining #Ive accepted that we'll never see them interact again unless jnj hire me or SOMEHOW she ends up rejoining or SOMEHOW they end up on the #same team in season 6 or whatever comes next <- willing to wait an eternity but i reallhy hope she's at least acknowledged they #already mentioned cloudy twice. i drew a gag recently that was basically what i think would happen if they were to bring up her absence in #an episode it would be fucking Devastating to me but itd be something. itd be SOMETHING #whatevr i liked the drama in this episode i think the death pact split was interesting and basketbottt my beloved i cant WAIT 2 see #where they go i think rf's personality change was cleverly written and built up to and augh basketball cares about her sooo much its so cut #clock plot armor was surprising i could use this opportunity to complainnnn because of the obvious but im glad to see that theyre #committing to resolving his arc. The S being ufe twice in a row was funny imagine if winner gets out next SLASH JAY #JN was up as well im not Overly Worried this time i think taggy is going to be carried by voters by the novelty of being The New One and #The One That Makes Silly Faces for a while and i'll live if one of the others get out. I'll be sad I love all of JN but I wont frow up

[spiked-mall-goth]

heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.

i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)

#spikes rambles #i was happy there for a minute too :< #heres what its looking like rn.... #i have three weddings. one of which i am a bridesmaid for and was left to get my own dress #but i cant afford a nice dress that matches. so i have to make one my damn self. and in two weeks. #i have a graduation.. and a graduation party both for different ppl #even tho i had to push back my own graduation by a full year bc things were just not going as planned. and now everyone thinks im a failure #im volunteering to teach at a kids summer camp like thingy. i was supposed to have a partner but i was told that she actually #wants nothing to do with me and was forced into this but i was under the impression that we would be teaching TOGETHER #and not her being an assistant. so now i have to call her and be like heyyyyy what the fuck is going on i need to know the lesson plan #im also volunteering for a church summer thing. if i could i wouldnt be doing this but my self made mother figure asked me personally #to help and i cant say no to this. we get to hang out and i get to paint like murals and shit and we've been doing this together for years #i have to spend the weekend with my bio mother to go to a celtic festival thing bc my younger brother wants to go. #i'm having some pretty severe best friend problems which i am honestly not well equipped enough to deal with and its eating me away inside #summer has officially started here so that means 24/7 headaches and sensory problems. straight up category 5 autism moments #i had to pick up the slack and become a paternal figure to my youngest brother. which is just sad that i have to at all #my dear beloved friend is trying very hard to make a young adult like hangout (???) thing in own town and really wants me to go #but i just dont wanna. i dont really care for social gatherings #hey guys btw all this has happened or was planned for next month in the two weeks i was gone #what the fuck.

[shinkaishoujo103]

Its so suover

#i am still in class and literally couldnt focus because of this #math? no. tsukasa suou. #brain empty only tsukasa suou #i just genuinely cant believe this #whats best is that with the 500 whistles i can get both the 5* and memos coins freely!!! #i will get both the new kasa card and next door leo!!! finally!!! #but at what cost (having to play the tour) #its also so sad leo themed happened and i didn't get him or else i would've had all his 5* #maybe one day #god i still cant believe this #kasa was the last person i expected to get tour #ritsu? yeah. sena? yeah? kasa? WHA #so is knights climax really gonna be one of the last after all......what about the anniv stream...... #mh. we'll see #also wait. kaoru 4*. with a tsukasa 5*. THIS IS THE 3RD TIME WHY ARE THESE TWO ALWAYS TOGETHER #and congratulations to keito hasumi for finally getting out of the basement #ALSO THE STORYS PREMISE? ESCAPE GAME? man if there were izu.leo or koha.ai that event wouldve been literally been for me #anyways thats enough of me rambling i think. im not okay i died AGAIN happyele really wants me dead dead #the feeling is mutual #saku rambles #enstars #OKAY WAIT NO look at him. look at my son. how can he be so cool AND so cute. i fucking love him so fucking much.

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[mothnoir]

So so normal about what a character's music tastes says about them

#[miserable sigh] hello its s0naverse again #how each song wraps around and peers into their psyche #indicators of their sense of style and taste. #do they like sad music? do they like loud music? upbeat and pop-y music? #do you feel your grip on your soul slipping onto a numb nothing every day. #are you full of rage and urges you cant control that scare you beyond belief #are you becoming mortal again. are you losing your mortality. are you two stars hurtling past eachother #desperately reaching out for one another and clinging on for dear life the second you make contact #when you inevitably explode into nothingness will you reform together into a nebula or warp into a black hole? #will you save eachother? #<- inevitably circled back into those tragic little gay men they consume my every waking thought still /ref #nvjdkj god's third wheeling at this point & the only thing holding her into the equation is how deeply she's #wormed her self and her influence into it. into the tboy. metaphorically and literally #and like. he can always leave her but he'll always have her heart. she'll always have his #but by god she cannot stop their supernova of a love #nvkdkkjs I say that like theyre so romantic with eachother. they cant hold hands for more than a few minutes without getting #deeply embarrassed. dork ass nerds /affectionate #s0naverse posting on main. late night rambles from beyond the stars. the shooting stars [joke drum sfx] #gndkks having a ship name for them feels so dumb but going sona x stylus feels even dumber sometimes #hey it leads to cheesy analyses so its good for something #delete or not to delete later #status noir #sonaverse

[wabblebees]

thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy

#i was literally holding the script in a bigass binder for almost the entire show (sparing only the parts where i had to BULLFIGHT) #(bc i needed two hands -- one for the cape & one for the banderilla.)(yall i had to learn how to BULLFIGHT TANGO & SWORDFIGHT. in TWO DAYS) #but the audience said afterwards it was like i wasnt even on-book; they hardly noticed it was there??!! #yall this is my real life rn. im failing my classes but yknow what?? #i can pull it together enough to emergency understudy in a highly physical show 2 days before opening even with a script ive never SEEN #and apparently we made people fucking CRY. HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT #this playwright is just. incredible. the script is INSANE. BEAUTIFUL & CLEVER & HILARIOUS & TERRIFYING & VILE & TENDER & TECHNICALLY PERFECT #and apparently our production is like. only the eighth time this show has EVER been produced. for real #but god EVERYONE should know about this playwright's work. fuck i actually think tumblr would really love her. holy shit. #maría irene fornés is her name -- she was a queer cuban-american playwright+director who made radical heartwrenching magical theatre #im so grateful to be doing this & SO fucking sad for the original performer im covering for... god. bc this is just such lifechanging work #this play is queer in EVERY sense. its off-putting loving repulsive peculiar passionate holy and GAY AS HELL. its real its farce its SO CAMP #((IRENE & SUSAN SONTAG DATED. SONTAG AS IN 'NOTES ON ''CAMP''' SONTAG. ITS FUCKING GORGEOUS.)) #its gorgeous its gorey its glamourous its also literally the first part ive played that i think might truly fit my casting type exactly lmao #which is INSANE. bc the character is literally just described in the script as ''ISIDORE: an androgynous clown'' LMFAO #but honestly what could be more homoerotic than 2 ''men'' locked in a room together dancing tango+talking abt beetles+stabbing each other #hmm. maybe its the fact that after i stab the other guy i call him ''saint sebastian'' and then we LITERAL ACTUAL GAY KISS #which is crazy bc we only practiced that ONE TIME before opening #and youd think this shit cant get Any Gayer BUT. IT DOES. bc my scene partner+the director are gay+together irl... and uhh. #ive literally been their third. like. more than once. #ISNT THAT FUCKING INSANE. THIS IS MY REAL LIFE?? THIS IS MY REAL LIFE #ANYWAY #so now im headed back out to rehearse more before we perform it again tonight lmao #i hope it goes as well as it did last night #that audience was fucking incredible i really hope the next two like it as much as they did🤞🤞 knocking on wood #so. if u read this far. u should go find+read ''tango palace'' by maría irene fornés. mwah okay bye #bee speaks

[selkiecoded]

a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.

#the clock chimes at midnight #selk.art #okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a #post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol #ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren #immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions. #everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate #ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it #on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know. #(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return) #they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends) #overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones. #anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair! #after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc #ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together #sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn.. #nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone #she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol #this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba. #and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like #pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet. #that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years. #like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out! #after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close. #they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a #real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept #and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.

[camptw1nk]

feeling very 🧍‍♂️ may not be around for a bit

#its nothing tumblr related really its more just irl #a mix of being tired and having deadlines and not being able to make myself work #and the. kinda harsh switch in vibe in the house from last nights everyone hanging out having fun #to todays me alone cleaning up after everyone and knowing that the others are content doing their own thing and don't wanna hang w me #which like!! is fine im not expecting to be the center of their world its just. #idk we used to hang out every night watching a movie or some tv and laughing #and ever since i got back from my trip we just. we spend time together maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks and it takes me asking if they wanna #hang out like 3000 times before it ever happens and when it does there's just. theres a disconnect #and I think they just realized during the two months i was away that theyre. maybe a bit happier without me #or at least they find it easier to not hang out #like theyve got jobs now so obviously they dont have time the way they used to but its not just that theres been a Shift #i think they also might. kinda resent me for the trip and having that opportunity #which sucks bc i cant. do anything ab that i had no say in the trip i didnt want to go #and even saying that makes me very. like that feels like such a selfish arrogant thing to say to want to turn down a trip across the world #but everyone who was here during that trip knows that i spent the entire time dissociating and getting yelled at and suicidal so uh #i dont think its selfish to not have wanted to go when i Knew it'd end like that but i think they might think it was #ANYWAY this got depressing and sad i dont mean to bring shit here its just i literally only have 3 friends and 2 of them r these ones #and the other is so emotionally unavailable and doesnt really take mental health seriously so #ooc. #negative cw

[tyhi]

personal af

god i want somebody who's truly emotionally available for once. not just better than last time, not just better than my ex..

i want a husband who's cool with seeing me once a week on average, fucks good, is cool to talk to, remembers things abt me and asks abt my life. god pls surprise me with how good it can get & be.

#i cant fking believe my ex said hes in love w someone else and i still had sex w him and it was rly good. #he said its mutual but neither of them want to act on it like. idfk #sex cw #religion cw #but like he's good w seeing me once every week or two #he can be cool as fuxk to talk to and he fucks REALLY GOOD.. #and like he already knows me bc we went thru a lot of shit together #and hes changed since i last saw him. like changed a lot. he did ask abt my life this time & even when i kinda dodged the question #he *asked again* #like. :| i just want him to say hes mine and not looking for anyone else but atp that wouldn't even fuxking help #if he has feelings for somebody then he has feelings and thats that #theyre compatible too apparently #i was hoping its just limerence lol but nah. the tarot said yea they fit but it would indeed suck if they went for it rn bc. not ready #but like man i dont wanna be his training wheels for his like. real thing he wants. he can fuxking learn the hard way then. fuxk fuck im #so sad. fuxk ahha #my stuff

[caruliaa]

yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.

#like obvs its different for everyone like. what i really mean is that i have reached it or like. tht was always inevitably the case #for my life. which ik feels really depressing to say nd im sorry tht it makes ppl sad but idk like. its just true at a certain point #absolutely not from a lack of trying from the good things within my life to be clear not at all like. ik have sm great parts to my life #tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt #at a certain point having to choose between being trapped in a situation were you can never authentically exist or like #have any control over your life and exist on your own terms even in v small ways while having to constantly be around people whove #caused you so much pain and trauma and hurt and being is a situation were like. at best your constantly working to afford living and you #are constantly exhausted by this and have no time for being yourself anyway and at worst you just cant afford anything and you die #and that could happen to you at any point idk like. these are my two options and i cant change anything about that fact #no matter how much i want to and that feeling is just. so so crushing and inescapable and just idk i dont know how to deal with it #like. idk iv done everything to try to but its only ever a temporary distraction #bc the problem isnt fucking like. mental or emotional its the facts of my reality and that cant be changed #so ofc im going to be constantly fucking miserable things just. are misearble #and idk. im sorry tht thts something other ppl have to deal with when it comes to like. knowing me bc genuinly its like. #they dont deserve that its sm pain for somoene to deal with and if that someone isnt. somone whos come to term with what #my fate invetiably is like have ik its too much nd im sorry for like. putting that on ppl i just. idk im sorry #idk what up with me suddnely. i mean i do but like. idk why i cant just hold it together like. this has always been the case idk why #im letting it upset me sm suddenly . ig bc i let myself have hope at some point. like an idiot. #idk im sorry. and its nearly 1am so i think im just going to go to sleep.im so sorry for just. all of this. #lucy if your reading tihs im so sorry for not sending and answering asks but i want to say that i love you so so so much. and im sorry #flappy rambles #vent #ask to tag

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm

#rat rambles #random card au #no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then #it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago #I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale #but it still has a similar appeal to me I think #I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together #that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web #I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely #seperate one cast of characters from another #I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story #like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself #Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff #it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3 #it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think #oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff #rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it #first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw #so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally #you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple #but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks #I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood) #also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in #its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years #especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol #like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring #kinda ruins the point of the au y'know? #like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters #but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable #like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening