#ive always been indecisive so ive waited and now i know what i want | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halucynator · 6 months

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False Fronts IV

part 4 of 4

fluff version.

hii omg i finally did this im so happy with this there's an angst version as well bc who doesnt like some good ol' angst from time to time

also the other version was released early bc im stupid so ty to @berryzxx for reminding me (i just want a reason to tag you)

pairing: theodore nott x fem!reader

warnings:fluffff arguments (oohOOHOoH) swearing, not so fake dating (but are they?), the and y/n being idiots, not a happy ending, not proof read (as usual) and my writing

summary: being asked to fake date someone to get a petty ex off their back is the worst possible way of being friend-zoned. you, however, were willing to take any chances to get as close as you could to theodore nott.

angst is hereeee

reblogs with tags are always appreciated mwah

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4: angst

The tension between you and Theo had been brewing for days, each passing moment adding weight to the unspoken emotions that hung heavily in the air. Unable to bear the silence any longer, you initiated the conversation, the frustration and confusion evident in your voice.

"Theo, can we talk?" you asked, your voice tinged with a mix of apprehension and determination.

He glanced up from his book, an unreadable expression flickering across his face. "Sure, what's up?"

"It's about us," you began cautiously, the words feeling heavier than you'd anticipated. "I feel like there's something here, between us. But I'm confused about where you stand."

Theo's expression flickered, a fleeting mixture of uncertainty and conflict clouding his features. "I don't know if diving into a relationship right now is the best idea."

"But this isn't just about a relationship," you insisted, your voice rising in exasperation. "It's about acknowledging what's been brewing between us, Theo."

He sighed, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. "I'm not sure what I want, Y/N. It's complicated."

"Complicated?" You scoffed, the frustration simmering within you. "What's so complicated about being honest?"

"Why can't you understand?" Theo's voice rose, mirroring your frustration. "I don't want to mess things up and end up causing you pain."

"You're not getting it!" Your voice echoed in the charged atmosphere. "I need to know where we stand, and your indecision isn't helping."

Theo's reluctance grated on your nerves, fueling the intensity of the argument. "I need you to be honest with me, Theo. I can't keep waiting for something that might never happen!"

"I know, but I'm conflicted," he admitted, his tone wavering.

Frustration boiled within you. "Conflicted about what? Us?"

His gaze shifted away, a mix of guilt and concern clouding his features. "I... I don't want Jess to hurt you."

"I can handle Jess, she isn't your responsibility," you asserted firmly, the frustration simmering beneath your words.

"You don't get it, do you?" Theo's voice cut through the tension, edged with frustration. "She's MY ex."

His words stung, and the heat of the argument intensified. "And that gives you the right to dictate what's good for me?" you shot back, your voice rising in indignation.

"Look, I'm just trying to protect you," Theo retorted, his tone laced with urgency.

"Protect me? From what?" Your voice rose, the frustration boiling over. "I can handle my own affairs, Theo. I don't need you deciding what's best for me!"

The tension crackled between you, each word spoken a testament to the underlying emotions that had escalated into a heated argument. The clash of opinions and conflicting desires hung heavily in the charged atmosphere, leaving the potential relationship teetering on the edge of uncertainty. The anticipation in the room was suffocating.

Days stretched into weeks, and the awkward distance between you and Theo became the new norm. Despite the avoidance, every accidental encounter sent a rush of conflicting emotions through you. Butterflies danced in your stomach, a bittersweet reminder of the connection you once shared, now lost in a fog of misunderstanding.

Each time your paths crossed, the unresolved tension simmered beneath the surface. The silent longing for resolution battled with the ache of hurt and confusion, leaving you caught in a turmoil of emotions whenever Theo came into view.

The avoidance hadn't dulled the effect he had on you. His presence was still magnetic, drawing your attention despite the unspoken rift that divided you both. The simple sight of him evoked a rush of emotions, a testament to the bond you once shared and the rift that now tore you apart.

With every passing moment, the yearning for clarity clashed with the fear of confronting the situation, leaving you entangled in a web of unresolved emotions and unspoken apologies, the butterflies a painful yet undeniable reminder of the connection you couldn't seem to sever.

Summoning your courage, you approached Theo's dorm, determined to offer an overdue apology. A hesitant knock resulted in eerie silence. Unsure of Theo's whereabouts, you glanced around the deserted hallway, your resolve mingling with uncertainty.

Taking a tentative step forward, you reached for the doorknob, finding it unlocked. The decision to enter felt both intrusive and necessary. The room was devoid of life, the emptiness echoing the void that had developed between you and Theo.

Your gaze drifted to Theo's desk, where a single piece of paper lay. The handwriting was unmistakable, sending a jolt of emotions through you as you read the words:

Last night was so fun, so glad you dropped Y/N.

- Jess

Disbelief and a pang of deception ricocheted through you. The words were like a gut punch, shattering the fragile hope you had held for reconciliation and understanding. Confusion clouded your thoughts as you grappled with the apparent evidence before you.

Your mind raced, attempting to process the meaning behind Jess's note. It seemed to confirm your worst fears, undermining the fragile trust you had in the situation and leaving your heart aching with the weight of assumed betrayal.

With tear-filled eyes and a heavy heart, you turned away, the intention of offering an apology now replaced by a swirl of hurt. The unaddressed misunderstanding had taken root, poisoning the hope for amends and leaving you in a cloud of uncertainty and hurt.

After catching a glimpse of the note and feeling a surge of mixed emotions, you found yourself actively avoiding Theo. Days turned into a tense cycle of dodging encounters and deflecting questions, leaving Theo increasingly perplexed by your sudden distance.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Theo finally confronted you, his tone a blend of confusion and concern.

Your gaze wavered, torn between the urge to explain and the fear of facing the truth. "I just need some space," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, evading the heart of the matter.

Theo's expression shifted from confusion to hurt, his eyes clouded with the weight of your avoidance. "Did i do something wrong?" he pressed gently, hoping for a glimmer of understanding.

You hesitated, unsure how to voice the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. "I don't know," you muttered, the words falling between you like an insurmountable barrier.

The tension between you was palpable, an unspoken rift widening with every passing moment of silence. The distance between you grew, leaving both of you stranded in a sea of unanswered questions and unspoken feelings.

Theo sensed your unease. "Hey, something's been off. What's going on?" he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice.

"Well..." you hesitated, before showing him the note, unaware that he didn't know about it. "She sent you that note?" Theo's voice edged with surprise and confusion.

"What! No," you replied hastily, caught off guard by his assumption, unaware he didn't have any knowledge of the note's existence.

Theo's eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. "I'm lost. What's happening?" he asked, completely unaware of the note you were holding, his confusion evident in his expression.

"You're being accused of cheating on me with Jess, but now I think you're being framed," you explained, your voice tinged with concern as you showed him the note.

"What? I would never! You know that!" Theo's words spilled out, shock and disbelief evident in his tone and expression.

His vehement denial resonated with the sincerity you knew so well, and a wave of relief washed over you. You knew him, knew his values, and believed in his loyalty.

"I love you, I'd never do anything to hurt you," he continued, desperation and honesty lacing his words as he took his face in his hands turning it to face him.

His earnest declaration struck a chord within you, dispelling some of the doubts that had clouded your mind. You realized that amidst the chaos and confusion, trusting in your bond with Theo was paramount.

"Yeah, I-I'm sorry." you stammered, your voice filled with a mix of emotions, as you finally let go of the lingering doubts.

Theo's eyes softened with understanding, a gentle smile forming on his lips. Without another word, he closed the distance between you, enveloping you in a reassuring embrace. In that moment, the unspoken affection bloomed, filling the air with an undeniable warmth.

With a rush of emotions, you met halfway, your lips gently pressing against his in a tender and heartfelt kiss.

"I love you too" you whispered as he pulled you in again for a kiss.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

hi hello! this is the end of the series. check out the angsty ver here if you'd like! here are a few fics to read while i work on my next one:

masterlist

reader's choice (mattheo x reader)

reader's choice (theodore x reader)

i honestly had so much fun writing this thank you for sticking along with this <33 sorry for how late this is i was like so busy and im also lazy so yea

taglist: @hisparentsgallerryy @jetblackpayne @delulu4marauders @ahead-fullofdreams

if you want to be added to my theodore/any other character's taglist just send me an ask/dm!

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incorrecttowerofgodquotes · 4 months

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Hi im several days late 2 reply but i hope its ok to send an ask ^_^ i am so so scared 4 season 2 you have no idea. season 1 had me gobsmacked stupified nonplussed rendered unresponsive to anything else for the following week partially bc im emotiomal and the rachel + baam plot had me So crazy and partially bc ToG is like insane in ways iv never seen b4. Part of me wants to read the manhwa so so badly so im prepared for the new season and dont get emotionally bulldozed but part of me wants to sit and wait. either way ive been religiously avoiding spoilers as best as i can. However Im indecisive i feel like reading the manhwa would be eye-opening but im similarly afraid to read it for fear of going crazy. I cant imagine what it wouldve been like reading ToG as it released i fear i mightve lost my mind by now if i had been into ToG since day 1. but im monologuing. Tldr. Im scared. heres an image summary of my s2 thoughts.

I don’t think you know how happy this ask made me.

It’s always great to see new people in the Fandom. If you haven’t read through Season 1, I’d recommend that to hold you over until S2.

In terms of overall tone, I’d say S2 is more lighthearted, but it deals with a lot darker topics so you might want to prepare yourself for that. In the end, your ultimate choice is this: Do you want to be beat over the head with a chair reading the webtoon, or socked in the face repeatedly watching the anime?

And nice to see you’ve already taken an interest in our blonde boy. He’s a real hoot

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I’ll answer them (so long as the answer isn’t a spoiler).

#tower of god #tog #tower of god anime

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

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23.06.23

oh my god i saw my zurich friend yesterday and i have so much tea to spill.

so i was super excited to see him and i haven't seen him since my birthday and the whole day i was like ":)))) im gonna see my zurich friend yayyyy".

and okay a bit of context: so remember how i went to lugano for a business trip and on the train there we were texting back and forth with my zurich friend. and he was telling me about this greek girl he's been courting. but she rejected him bc he told her about how he got drunk when he was 15. the whole story was v weird. because she honestly came off as quite indecisive and pseudomoralistic. like who cares about getting drunk as a teenager 10 years ago? but anyway, it felt like she was just looking for an excuse to reject him bc she simply didn't like him that much. and so when we were talking that one time, he was saying how he wanted to text her and i was like nooo don't text her, no means no, she doesn't want you, leave her alone.

so fast forward to about a week ago. my friend and i are talking on insta and i ask him what he's been up to. and he says he went to lugano. and i was like oooo how was the trip? send pics? and he's the type of person who talks a lot over messages. like you ask him "what's up" and he sends paragraphs. but this time he just sends 3 pics of the lake in lugano and that's it. so i was like okay, he's probably busy, whatever, maybe the trip wasn't that interesting. i didn't think much of it tbh.

and last night we go out for a drink, start off with small talk like ohh how are things, how's uni, etc. and i ask him how his trip to lugano went.

and he goes red in the face, starts looking around and laughing nervously. and says "it was nice".

and im like bestie what's going on.

and he's like sweating, blushing, all of it. and says "yeah yeah no the trip was nice".

and im like 🤨

and he takes a deep breath and says "yeahhhhh i went with the greek girl".

and im like bro

didn't she reject you what happened

and he's like "yeah she ended up coming with me. i was planning on going alone but she came along" and like uhhh how does one """end up coming along""" on a trip to another city? likee that's sus

so i look at him like 🤨🤨🤨

and he's like "yeahhh, she had this look in her eyes. like it wasn't like before. like she was looking at me and she had this look like her eyes like she was looking at me in such a way. and we don't even know how it happened. but yeah. it was the look."

so they had SEX in lugano!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱

and i was like nice congrats bro. cos he's been chasing after this girl for yearsss. and the problem was that she had no experience with men and he was her first kiss and yeah. and my friend isn't the most experienced guy when it comes to women either. like he's not a hookup kind of guy, as far as i know. and he's young and insecure about that kind of stuff, which is fine, we all are at our age. but yeah, he's a bit awkward.

so i was like "so you guys are like officially a thing now?" because tht was the point, right? like all of this going to the opera and holding hands was to be with this girl romantically, right???

and he hits me with "yeahhh i think it's best if we stay friends. im not attracted to her anymore *gestures at his lower stomach area* and i wouldn't mind having intimacy with someone else. and if i do have intimacy with someone else, im gonna tell her. like andrew tate would approve, you know?"

and im like wait wait wait

so he wouldn't leave this girl alone for like a year, despite her rejecting him on numerous occasions. he took her virginity. and now "let's stay friends"??? like

so i was like "how about you don't 'have intimacy' with anyone"? like just keep your zizi in your pants, you know? it's not that hard. well maybe it is but you know, control yourself.

but yeah i was v disappointed with him. bc ive always had a feeling that he has a dark side. like he comes off as too normal and that's sus, you know what i mean? and plus he's like really emotionally constipated. like he's all "smart guy with glasses", "i go to the opera and play tennis" type of guy. but like im convinced that deep down he's a freak. like there's something about him idk how to describe it. i just have this gut feeling that he's full of secrets. and i have to admit, there is something sexy about that, but like i would not want to be his girlfriend, you know what i mean?

and his whole thing with the greek girl really gave me the ick. i was like jeez. like maybe im a bad friend to him, but i really feel bad for the girl. bc from what he's been telling me and despite her indecisiveness, it was pretty clear that she wasn't super into him. and he was really pushy. and now that she gave in he's like ready to move onto the next thing.

and maybe it's an insecurity thing. bc if his feelings for her just went away like that, maybe he wasn't that interested in her in the first place. she was hard to get and it was a challenge and now that he got what his wanted it's all over. and for a sort of awkward guy like him, maybe that was his goal. bc, for example, with his ex gf it was easy. she was this cute nice girl, nothing special. like he didn't have to chase her, nor was she like super attractive. and that was probably frustrating for him.

idk overall im a bit disappointed bc i feel like i held him to a higher standard. but all men are the same i swear.

#june

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probably-haven · 3 years

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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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caizen · 3 years

Text

now playing ▷ captivated - iv of spades

[12:38 a.m.] — "is something bothering you?" yuji yawns out, voice raspy from the hours of sleep. sitting up from the bed, he leans into your warmth.

it feels nice, he thinks, feeling your skin against his. it's comforting, knowing you're with him.

unsure of whether to say 'yes' or 'no', you just hum, letting him interpret it in any way he wants. it's not like you're not okay, but it doesn't feel like you are either. perhaps you're not okay, since half a truth is still a whole lie.

eitherway, itadori knows you more than you know yourself, and it's—heartwarming and quite helpful, truth be told. indecisive and doubtful was what you were, the only constant in your life being yuji.

no, he doesn't make your choices for you but helps you with them.

especially when you're always so troubled and scared of being unable to spare people from the pain of—the world.

it's nice having someone like you around him, the same way it's nice having someone like him around you.

you wait for a few seconds to wait for him to lie back down and go back to sleep, but he doesn't.

he starts humming against your arm, softly, a song you both have been listening to a lot lately. mostly you, finding yourself connect with it in a way.

the lyrics sing themselves in your head, and yet again, yuji's helped you deciding and figuring out whether you're okay or not, unaware he has.

lifting your hand from the blanket on your lap, you slowly bring it to the pink in his hair, fluffy and soft. "yuji?" you whisper, massaging his scalp.

your hand feels warm against his head, and he leans into your touch even more, melting into it and feeling himself let go of the rest of his energy and just sleep, clinging onto your arm.

but he doesn't, thinking about how you're awake again at midnight.

something is wrong.

"wanna tell me what it is?" he asks, rubbing away the bits of sleep in his eyes and sitting up straight after stretching. he hears the pop in his bones, and his drowsiness begins to leave him. it's okay though, he thinks, if it means getting to talk with you and making sure you're okay.

after all, that's one of the things he's always wanted to do.

stay up late with you as you talk to each other about nothing and yet everything, forgetting the distinct difference between reality and fantasy.

"i... you know," you sigh, taking a deep breath as you try to recollect yourself for the seventh time. "are you okay with me? i mean—am i okay to you?"

your eyes shut themselves tightly, as your lips press into a thin line while your hand clenches into a fist.

admittedly, itadori's a little confused as always. he doesn't ask you about what you mean though; hopefully he understands what your words mean by himself.

although it's not wrong to ask (it's quite helpful actually), he doesn't question you and takes his time understanding you.

"well, of course i am," he mumbles, looking at your hand under the cold silver light from the moon. his hand slithers into yours, intertwining them as the other rests on your hand on his hair, bringing to to his cheek. "you're more than okay to me."

"you really are. i mean it."

he presses a kiss into the palm of your hand.

from the way he turns complications into something so simple, your heart bursts.

tonight, you decide you're okay.

tonight, nothing matters.

the night passes like a warm breeze during summer dawns.

a/n: his birthday's over from where i live, but still, happy birthday yuji. ♡

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markley · 3 years

Text

movie night with choi beomgyu part two

your heart is racing as you panic. how the hell do you face beomgyu with this new revelation? like what? you just look your best friend in the eye and say ‘hey i think im in love with your dumbass. alright now lets watch disney’s hercules’?

because thats sure to go well.

you’d love to be able to pretend you never realized how you felt but beom can read you like an open book... or rather an open music sheet? he’s never been one for reading. he’s always preferred finding entertainment in music.

the image of beomgyu teaching you guitar years ago flashes through your mind. his eyes crinkling at the edges when you completely messed up the chord and the way his hands moved over yours as he took the guitar away to show you how to play. and the way his hair was so-

creak. the sound of the unoiled door opening snaps you from your memories of beomgyu. you look up from your spot on the couch to see the boy in question standing there with a wide grin and arms full of movies, snacks and plushies. the typical best friend movie night essentials.

beomgyu immediately ran to you, tackling you into a hug on the couch. “you ready for the BEST movie night ever?”

“you say that every movie night, beom.”

“and im always right! they just keep getting better and better.” you can’t help but giggle an the surety of his words. “plus tonight i rented pretty much every disney movie in existence and we’re gonna be binging it all and its gonna be great.”

an excited beomgyu gets up from his seat on top of you to slide one of the dvds in. disney’s hercules.

when he sits back down he slides an arm around your shoulder like he always does, but unlike every other time, you freeze under his touch. he gives you a slightly worried look but seems to shake it off in favor of cuddling closer to you.

even by halfway through the movie he hasn’t stopped touching you. whether that be an arm around you, a hand on top of yours or even fucking feeding you popcorn as he messily belts the lyrics to wont say im in love. ironic, you think, attempting to shove the growing feeling of anxiety at his touch down your throat. maybe if you continue to ignore it, your feelings will go away and everything will be back to normal?

beomgyu has always been touchy but not this suffocatingly so. it’s almost like he’s testing your boundaries- and you are at your limit. either you are an insanely good actor or he just doesnt care because he seems to not notice your growing stress.

“okay so you are acting weird.” he says it so casually, like he’s just talking about the movie or the weather, that you barely notice his words. when they register, however, your breath catches in your throat. shit—so its definitely not because you’re a good actor.

you look up at him, but he’s eyes stay trained on the movie. “w-what do you mean, gyu?” even you wouldn’t believe your attempted nonchalant words. why is your voice shaking so much, you bitterly think. you may have been able to escape questioning if you didn’t sound so suspicious.

he finally looks at you, eyes soft but unimpressed. he raises an eyebrow, prompting you to explain. but how the hell do you explain to your best friend that you may or may not be deeply in love with him? so you choose to stay silent, just gazing back at him.

you two are locked in a staring battle until he seems to lose, looking away disappointedly. “fine, dont tell me, your best friend, what the hell has been going on with you.” he huffs, shoving popcorn in his mouth, annoyance clear in his eyes. you tell eachother everything, so it makes sense he’d be annoyed by you hiding something from him.

you dont know if its the noticeable pout on his bitten lips and the guilt in your gut upon seeing it, or if its simply the adorable way he looks sitting there, bundled up in a hoodie, hair tousled and shoving popcorn in his mouth instead of talking to you that makes you impulsively speak, not a word being thought through before its spoken into the tense air. “i think im in love with you.”

now its beomgyus turn to tense up, his previously annoyed eyes turning to you in surprise. he looks like a deer in headlights and youd think it was cute if it wasnt a reaction to you confessing. but then, his shoulders drop, his eyes close, and he giggles. “you think?”

your frozen in place at his casual response. you expected a bit more surprise, and a lot of discomfort, but all beomgyu does is smile, raising an eyebrow at your indecisive words. “you think that you’re in love with me? come on, i dont even get the pleasure of you being sure?”

you gape at your best friend, in shock of how unbothered, and perhaps even happy, he seems. taking a deep breath, you look him in the eye. “beomgyu.” he hums in response, grinning at the seriousness in your voice. “gyu, im in love with you.”

“god it took you long enough!” he complains, whining as you sit there frozen when he pulls you closer to him, forcing you to cuddle into his side. it’s a normal position for the two of you, but now that you’ve confessed it’s just different. “i thought i’d have to deal with you acting weird for forever and then i’d have to be the one to confess so you’d stop acting like i killed your puppy.”

“beom what the hell are you talking about?”

“oh yeah that’d be pretty important to mention...hey y/n, im in love with you too.” he shrugs, acting like he didn’t just confess his love to you. you shoot up from under his arm with wide, annoyed eyes. you’re best friend was never one to be serious but this is ridiculous!

“beomgyu why are you being so casual about this?!”

“because we might as well already be dating. we’ve known eachother for years, live together and cuddle like we’re dating. ive known i liked you for a while so basically all i was waiting for was a confession.”

“so why didn’t you confess first?!”

“i wanted to wait for you to figure it out! you weren’t acting weird until today so i figured you didnt consider loving me until well, right now.” he’s grinning at you, giggling and unshaken.

“you are the worst beomgyu”

“yeah well, you love me.”

“...unfortunately.” he’s looking you in the eye now, a smile still playing along his red lips. lips you’ve never wanted to kiss this much until right now; lips you’ve never even considered kissing until today. but when he finally slots them against yours, it feels right. yeah, you were so in love with choi beomgyu.

#oh my god this got long #is this even classified as a blurb anymore #tomorrow x together #txt fluff #txt blurb #choi beomgyu #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

Text

v e l o c i t y - chapter iv

The one where John’s your true mate, but he doesn’t want you to be his.

In a universe where fate grants you a new mate whenever you lose yours, John has lived quite comfortably for many years with the knowledge that he was alone after Mary. That all comes crumbling down the second that he meets you. How could the universe choose someone so young to be his omega?

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist. It’s being constantly updated and if you’d like to be tagged on my following John Winchester stories, just fill out this form.

A/N: Hey! We start to get to the good stuff, and that means I finally get to show what sort of modifications my A/B/O world has. If I’ve done my job correctly, you’ll get it without me having to clarify it, but if not, here’s the breakdown: alphas, betas and omegas can mate whomever they want, but only after meeting their true mate. One of the ways it becomes clear someone has met their mate is that their scent changes - as scenting is something quite popular in A/B/O dynamics. I think that’s it. Hope you guys like it!

I was so lost in my own thoughts - with a brief interception to wonder who the fuck constructs a bar that makes their client have to leave the building and walk all the way to the back of it just so they could use the bathroom - that I only realized the Alpha that was stalking me when he already had me against the wall, his lips fused with mine.

“James,” I quipped, hands simultaneously trying to push him away and pull him closer, undecided if this was the right thing to do even if the way my pussy ached just with his nips over my scent gland was undeniable.

“James,” I tried again, knowing if I didn’t get this out I would end up doing something I’d regret. I was too close to my own heat, and it’d been too long since I felt an Alpha’s hands on my body… The need I felt was overwhelming, but there was so much I needed to consider. “I think we should talk…”

His beard tickled me as he nuzzled against my neck, right where he’d threatened to leave a mark so many years ago. The memory brought shivers down my spine, and I gasped and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt when he licked it, my nipples instantly pebbling under my shirt as a whine fell from my lips.

“Oh, come on, sweetheart,” he countered, hands already traveling under my shirt to find just how affected I was from his caresses. “Remember how good I can make you feel?” Flashes from that summer were all I could think about when I closed my eyes and rested my head on the brick wall behind me, trying to gather some focus, trying to think. But underneath all of the confusion and indecision, one thing was overwhelmingly clear to me: after everything I’d been through with finding my true mate and having him reject me, I was reveling in the feeling of feeling desired at all.

Even if it wasn’t by the man I wanted.

“Yes, I remember,” I finally admitted, hands finally settling around James’ strong shoulders before I buried one of them in his long locks. And that was all the consent he needed to really lave me in his attention, sucking and licking my lips, my jaw, my neck, and shoulder, while his hands made quick work of my underwear.

“You won’t be needing that anymore,” he joked, quickly returning his lips to my scent gland, determined to leave me at least with his smell if he wouldn’t leave me with his mark - something I still wasn’t able to determine. As it were, I was much too occupied with other thoughts to consider anything else at that moment, so I just allowed him to kiss and nip all over my skin, my hips instinctively looking for more of his touch.

“God, I’ve been thinking about this for so long. Do you know how much I longed for you? I feel like I’ve been waiting for you all this time. I thought about you, about this sweet cunt, every single night,” he growled against my cheek as his fingers finally plunged inside of me, finding me wet and ready for him.

I tried to ignore the fact that he wasn’t the actual cause of my wetness, and that I couldn’t say the same about him. As much as I cherished my time with James, he hadn’t consumed my thoughts or fantasies - especially not since I’d seen John for the first time.

But I doubted those were his real feelings, anyway. He was probably just saying this for the sake of the fuck, or at the most, to convince me to let him mark me. There was no way this man, this Alpha, had spent so long just hung up on me.

“Fuck, I can’t count how many times I got off to the thought of you, but now you’re here.” Oops, guess I was wrong. “Now you’re here, and we can be together. If you want. Your scent has changed, you found your mate. You can leave him behind and come with me. I promise I can make you forget all about him.”

I was so fucking sensitive from not having been touched for so long that a few thrusts of his fingers had me cumming all over his digits, a gasp that resembled his name escaping my lips as I struggled to hold myself up. The weight of James’ words, his offer, still couldn’t be processed by my orgasm-driven mind, which now that had met some sort of release, could only think of finding another.

I never even stopped to consider how James had realized that John was my true mate, but I seriously could not be bothered to care about it then. My hands were occupied with his zipper, reaching out to touch his cock - I always did enjoy how he never liked to wear boxers - while his fingers kept fucking me to another release.

I felt one of his thumbs tap my lips and instinctively sucked on them, knowing he wanted to stop my cries from reaching innocent bystanders who could be leaving the bar in search of the bathroom or the parking lot. And it was that thought that had me realizing that we were very much out on the open, where anyone could see…

And then my eyes met his.

“Don’t mind him, baby. I bet he’s only watching because he wants to know how you like to be touched. I’ll show him, huh? Maybe I’ll even let him join. Let him taste this little pussy. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

And just as realization struck me of what was really happening, my body starting to wiggle to push James away from me, John stepped out of the shades, his entire frame radiating waves of fury.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

#my series #john winchester smut #smut #john winchester #john winchester x reader #john winchester reader #john winchester reader insert #john winchester reader inserts #john winchester fanfiction #john winchester imagine

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roman-writing · 3 years

Text

no great revelation (6/8)

Fandom(s): The Haunting of Bly Manor / Star Wars

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: M

Wordcount: 6,797

Summary: Jamie just wants to enjoy a drink after a hard day’s work on the Telosian Restoration Project. The last thing she needs is to get herself caught up in a mysterious woman with a lightsabre at the local bar.

Aurthor’s notes: Please note the rating change

read it below or read it here on AO3

VI.

—

It was somewhat gratifying to know that Jamie wasn’t the only one who was absolute shit at meditation.

“This is pointless,” said Dani with her eyes closed.

“You’re telling me,” Jamie muttered, her eyes also shut.

They were both seated on the massive bed, cross-legged and facing one another. Jamie had ordered the ship’s computer to dim the lights, so that the room was dusky, the ship’s computer even going so far as to project pinpricks of light onto the high ceiling like a map of stars. Back when Jamie had been a padawan, the Jedi Masters used to do something similar back on Tython to encourage that e’er-elusive quest for inner peace. Jamie used to take the opportunity to take a quick nap while she pretended to meditate, but she couldn’t do that now because she was trying to set a good example or whatever.

“Have you tried slowing down your breathing?” Jamie asked, keeping her eyes closed and straightening her shoulders a bit.

“This is just how I breathe.”

“Yeah, but have you tried slowing it down?”

“When I do that it just feels like I’m slowly drowning.”

“Okay, then what about relaxing your body one part at a time?”

“One -? What?”

“You know. Think about relaxing just the muscles of your face, and then move on to your shoulders, and so on.”

Dani huffed, and Jamie heard her shifting her weight on the bed before going still. All was silent but for the pattern of their breathing and Jamie’s heartbeat accompanying it like a percussion instrument. Sitting still. Being still. Thinking and doing nothing. In short, the most difficult activity for Jamie to attempt ever in her life. She would rather be back on Peter Quint’s flagship, dodging blaster fire.

Okay, maybe not that far. But honestly sitting still for long periods of time really was her own personal hell.

The air whispered with a hint of cold, like standing in a room with a window open, the tendril of an icy draught threading its way inside. Jamie shrugged against it, but kept her eyes closed. It was only when the whisper of cold lifted to a prickle, when the sound of Dani’s breathing grew too shallow, that Jamie’s eyes flew open.

Dani was still seated on the bed, eyes squeezed shut, brows furrowed, every exhalation through her nose a plume of white steam, shivering as if she were on the surface of an ice planet instead of in the warm safety of the luxury cruiser.

Immediately Jamie grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Woah. Woah woah woah. Not that way.”

Dani jerked as though she had just been shaken away from a deep sleep. Her eyes were on the edge of wild as she looked around the room, her breathing heavy and sharp and slowing when she remembered where exactly she was.

“Oh,” she said with a guilty glance towards Jamie. “Did I - Did I do it again?”

With a stroke of her thumb across the back of Dani’s cold hand, Jamie nodded. “Yeah.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean -”

“I know,” Jamie murmured. “I know. Don’t worry. This time tomorrow, we’ll be on Tython, and we can get you a much better teacher than me.”

Dani swallowed and nodded, but her expression was unsure, reluctant even.

“You’ll like Hannah and Owen,” Jamie insisted. “If anyone can teach you, they can.”

“It’s not that. It’s just -” Dani turned her face away and exhaled. She chewed at her lower lip. “What if I’m caught? What if The Order doesn’t care that I was - that I’m not -”

Frowning, Jamie asked, “Not what?”

“Good,” said Dani.

“What like -?” Jamie grinned. “Not good at the Force? ‘Cause they’d throw me out on my ass with nary a care if that were the case.”

“No, that’s not what I -” Dani’s teeth were clenched, the muscles bunched up between the line of her neck and her jawline. “I killed people. I killed a Jedi. There’s already an investigation into his murder. And I can’t even channel the Force on my own without slipping into the Dark.”

Jamie shook her head while she listened. “You weren’t yourself. And once we find a cure for whatever is going on with you, then you can be trained properly.”

“What if we can’t?” Dani whispered. “What if there’s nothing to be done? What if I’ll always have this - this angry, empty, lonely thing haunting me?”

Jamie rocked Dani’s hand beneath her own gently. “We’ll find a way. We just need to take it one day at a time.”

Every muscle in Dani’s body seemed to be held taut. The tightness of her jaw. The flex of her hands. The bunching of her shoulders and the muscles all along her spine. Her hand was still cold under Jamie’s grasp, though the wintry edge had been blunted from the air around her. Jamie offered her an encouraging smile, but did not receive one in return.

“We should get some sleep,” Jamie sighed, pulling away. “We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow -”

But Dani was scrambling to her knees and she was gripping Jamie’s hand tightly in her own before Jamie could fully let go. Her fingers trembled and her eyes were overbright, fixed and unblinking upon Jamie’s, holding her fast. “Not yet,” she said quickly. “Not - I want to feel it again. Please. I want to feel good. I want - I want to feel you.”

Jamie could already feel the thrum beneath her skin, the Force like a tether between them, on the brink, but there. As if Dani were reaching out then waiting for permission to drag her in.

For the last four years, Jamie had been telling herself to keep her head down. Don't get involved. Mind her own bloody business. Don't do what she did back in ExplorCorps and paint a great big fuckoff target on her own back. And for four years, she had done exactly that. Telos IV and the AgriCorps were a fresh start, a good life, a simple, boring life. All it had taken to completely upend that life was a week of Dani Clayton.

Jamie nodded. Because it made relief sweep over Dani's face. Because it made Dani smile at her with that big smile that crinkled her eyes and creased her cheeks. Because it meant that connection snapped taut like a wire, drew them together into something more than the sum of their parts, more than this crude matter. Because it did indeed feel good.

Each brief contact of the Force between them had remained discrete in the past. Stolen moments in which Jamie tried to coax Dani towards the Light on her own. Now, Dani gripped her hand to keep the connection alive, a current like static, like the movement between the inchoate and the flourishing, and it extended to the horizon. Dani's eyes dropped to her mouth and Jamie should've known this was coming, shouldn't have been as surprised as she was when Dani leaned forward to kiss her.

Bad idea, Jamie’s pesky little inner voice kept saying over and over like a mantra. Bad idea. This is a bad idea. A very very bad -

She should have pulled away, called this off, cut the line. Except Dani was warm and solid and groaning low into Jamie’s mouth, a sound that coiled heat in the pit of Jamie’s stomach. She cupped Dani’s cheek with one hand, allowed herself to welter for a lingering moment in the softness of Dani's mouth, in the texture of her jaw, before she pulled them apart just enough to breathe, their foreheads still pressed together.

"I want -" Dani murmured urgently, so close Jamie could taste the words on her lips. Her free hand had grasped Jamie's collar, rumpling the starched white fabric in her fist. "Can I -?"

"Yeah," Jamie breathed, throwing any vestigial scrap of self-preservation out the airlock.

Dani kissed her again with a grateful sigh. Jamie couldn’t remember ever being kissed quite like this. With singular focus. As if there was nothing else in the world for Dani to do but kiss her and pour everything of herself into it.

"Kept thinking about this," Dani mumbled against her lips.

"Explains why you're so shit at meditation."

Dani huffed out a laugh and pressed her smile to Jamie's. She pulled at Jamie's collar shifting forward on her knees so she could lean over Jamie and turn the kiss from giddy glee to hungry in an instant. Jamie took off Dani's headband and threw it onto the bedside table beside the lightsabre so she could rake her hands through Dani's hair. With a tilt of her head, Dani opened her mouth and Jamie would've been appalled at her own weak whimper if she'd been in any state to care. She couldn’t. Not when Dani was kissing her like this. Not when Dani was pushing Jamie onto the bed and straddling her hips. Not when Dani was tugging the buttons of Jamie’s shirt free with trembling fingers.

They didn’t break contact even when Dani paused to gasp at Jamie’s thigh pressing up between her legs. Always some section of skin was touching, so that the link remained, buzzing around in the back of Jamie’s head like an amplifier. Every movement, every sound an echo caught on a feedback loop, building to something impossible to miss. Jamie could feel the way Dani’s blood stirred in her veins, the way Dani was grinding down against her thigh, the way Dani was tugging the shirt down her shoulders and casting it aside, as though the sensations were her own, but muted — a phantom feeling.

When she had imagined this — and over the last few days on the luxury cruiser, Jamie had in great detail imagined this — it had always been a slow, coltish thing. All start and stop, lazy hesitance and careful exploration. In her mind, Dani was keen but skittish, wanting but indecisive. Something to do perhaps with the long glances sent in Jamie’s direction, or the distrustful ventures into the Force. When it came to this however, Dani was uncertain about nothing.

Dani made excited little sounds against Jamie’s exposed neck when Jamie began to fumble with the button that fastened her pants. Jamie tugged at the zipper and Dani lifted herself up just enough so that Jamie could slip her hand down. Tugging lightly at Dani’s hair to get her to tilt her head back, Jamie sought out Dani’s pulsepoint with her mouth just as her fingers sought out slick heat.

There were too many clothes between them, far too many, but neither of them could bring themselves to pause for long enough to fix that. The pants shoved partway down Dani’s thighs gave Jamie little room to manoeuvre, but she had two fingers inside of Dani, and Dani was sitting upright to rock her hips at a better angle, eyes lidded, lips parted on a stuttered sigh.

“That’s -” Dani’s breath hitched. “Yes - Right there - Please -”

Jamie had to bite back a groan of her own when Dani bucked against her hand and made a high desperate sound, clenched and shivering, and the moment going on as it echoed back and forth, mirrored and caught between them. Feeling this good, this alive, this conjoined, then chasing after it with a fervor as Dani leaned down at the same time Jamie pushed herself up to kiss her hard.

“Keep going,” Dani panted against Jamie’s mouth, then gave a feeble cry when Jamie did exactly that — curled her fingers and ground her palm up until Dani was shuddering again, until she was spent.

Dani’s forehead dropped to Jamie’s shoulder to catch her breath. Jamie placed her free hand against Dani’s back, holding her close. She twitched the fingers still inside Dani, just an experimental press, and received a sharp inhalation.

“Too much?” Jamie asked softly.

“A little. Do it again.”

There was no building up to anything with it, just an extension of what had come before, flickers of pleasure that sparked at the edges of her vision, until Dani reached down to slide Jamie’s fingers out and lift them to her mouth.

“Fuck,” Jamie hissed as Dani licked her sticky fingers clean then nipped at her fingertips.

Dani glanced down Jamie’s chest, one hand drifting inquisitively over the high-waisted hem of her black slacks. “Is it all right, if I -?”

Jamie was already nodding before Dani could finish the sentence. “Yeah. Yeah. Whatever you want.”

When Dani pulled away to quickly shed her own clothes, Jamie felt the loss of that link like a light suddenly going out. She blinked and skimmed her fingertips along the curve of Dani’s elbow just to re-establish that contact until Dani had finished, until Dani was tugging the slacks down Jamie’s legs, smoothing her hands up Jamie’s bare thighs and watching her with hunger in her eyes.

Jamie settled back on her elbows, biting her lip, gaze fixed upon Dani as she lowered her head and parted Jamie with her tongue. She wanted to watch — eyes glued to the way Dani’s mouth moved against her, the way Dani urged her knees wider — but Jamie could not help how her eyes rolled back and she sank back onto the mattress with an embarrassingly loud sound despite how she tried to trap it behind her teeth.

She twined her hands in Dani’s soft hair and guided her head, shivering when Dani moaned against her in return. Maybe it was the sequence of events, being the one to make Dani completely fall apart while feeling the echo of that pleasure, but soon Jamie’s hips were jerking out of rhythm and she was raking her nails down the back of Dani’s neck and shoulders — anywhere she could reach — desperate and hurtling over the edge. Even after she had finished, breathlessly staring up at the star-studded ceiling, Dani toyed at Jamie with the tip of her tongue, just softly, just enough to keep her suspended like a bridge held aloft by the tightness of a rope.

And as Dani crawled back up her body to curl up against her, Jamie could think only that — of all the bad decisions in her life, this one would surely have the most dire consequences. She just didn’t know what those might be, and she was afraid of ever finding out.

—

There wasn’t much to pack, if anything. The majority of belongings they had begun with on this trip had been abandoned back on the Czerka flagship. Jamie was still lamenting the loss of her favourite pair of overalls and band shirt combination — wrecked at the courtesy of none other than Peter fucking Quint himself — as she pocketed her handheld mining laser. Behind her, Dani was fussing with her headband, trying to tease her hair into just the right shape all without the aid of a mirror.

“Does this look okay?” she asked, hands still tucking stray strands back.

A little flatter than usual, but all Jamie said was, “You look great. Better than me. Not that that’s hard.”

Dani smiled, lowering her hands only to approach Jamie and fix her starched white collar. “I think you look wonderful.”

Jamie made a face. “These clothes make me feel like I’m a conductor for a galactic circus.”

“You look very rakish. Like you’re about to strike some shady business deal.”

“Oh, well, if I’m rakish, then that’s all right.”

Dani’s smile ticked up at one corner and she leaned forward to kiss her. Jamie remembered waking up to a similar scene not long ago. A morning spent in much slower exploration than the previous evening until they were finger-mussed and kiss-bruised and had to go seeking a much-needed shower, during which Dani had ignored the mirrors in favour of pressing Jamie up against a tiled wall and putting her hands between her legs.

Now Dani put a hand to the small of Jamie’s back and pressed lightly, just enough to brush their hips together. Jamie opened her mouth as Dani’s tongue swept against hers.

A low chime from the ceiling. “Excuse me,” said the ship’s computer. “But we have arrived.”

Jamie pulled away. “We should probably go.”

“Yeah,” Dani nodded, but her gaze was fixed on Jamie’s mouth, as though she wanted nothing more than to lean back in and pick up where they’d left off this morning.

Jamie patted her arm and reached around to remove Dani’s hand from her waist. “Later.”

“Promise?”

With a soft huff of laughter, Jamie answered with another lingering kiss. A coil of heat wound tight in her stomach, and she stepped back before it could take root. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

Only reluctantly did Dani let herself be led from the luxury cruiser by the hand. The ship lowered the gangway for them with a jettison of atmo as it repressurised. The muggy air of Tython bore with it the old familiar smell of dense vegetation, even here on the planet’s major space station. As the station was revealed and all its bustling people and droids, Dani squeezed Jamie’s hand. Jamie looked up to find Dani nervously chewing her lower lip and staring out at the people, many of them wearing robes of various cut and colour, though their occupation was clear.

Squeezing her hand back before letting it go, Jamie opened her mouth to give an encouraging word, but before she could speak there came a low chime from the speaker ports.

“How would you like me to wait for your return?” the ship’s computer asked.

“Oh, uh -” said Jamie. “How much is it to dock here?”

“One hundred and thirty-five credits per day.”

“A hundred and thirty-five?” Jamie repeated, incredulous.

“Do you not have enough credits to afford this?”

Scowling, Jamie fired back, “Are you always this much of a tit?”

“Query irresolvable,” the ship’s computer responded. “I have no anatomy, because I have no body. I do, however, have a stockpile of credits from Czerka Corporation in a private account tied to this vessel and accessible only by this vessel.”

Jamie shot the speaker ports a puzzled glance. “And how long could you remain docked using this private account?”

“Approximately two hundred and three years.”

Jamie’s eyes widened as she did some quick maths in her head.

“Would you like me to dock here for two hundred and three years?”

“What?” Jamie shook her head. “No! Just - stay here until we get back. And don’t let anyone else aboard.”

“Affirmative, Bollocks.”

Muttering expletives under her breath, Jamie continued down the gangway.

“So, you’re rich now?” Dani asked.

“Only if I survive the next week,” Jamie said. “I’m going to worry about that later. C’mon. I see Owen over there.”

Dani’s head jerked up and she glanced around with wide eyes. Jamie smiled and shook her head, walking along with Dani trailing in her wake. Owen stood near the station entrance, wearing blue robes dusted with flour handprints, and a sheathed lightsabre at his hip. His moustache twitched in a smile when he noticed her approach and he stepped forward to squeeze Jamie in a hug that picked her up a good half meter off the ground.

“Oooof,” said Jamie as he set her back down, hands remaining on her shoulders.

“Look at you,” Owen said. “What do they feed you on Telos? Raw air and nothing else?”

She swatted his hands from her shoulders. “Fuck off. And why do you look like you’ve just escaped a bakery?”

“I’ve taken an interest in cooking while you’ve been away.”

“Thought you were supposed to be a healer, mate.”

“Food,” said Owen very seriously, “is healing. And I’ll not have you - oh no. Jamie. You didn’t.”

He was staring over her shoulder at something behind her. Jamie turned, only to find Dani standing there awkwardly toying with her own fingers as she witnessed their reunion, her mismatched eyes wary. Owen’s face went from confused, to aghast, then to hard and guarded.

“I can explain -” Jamie started to say.

Owen pointed — not at Dani but at the sleek luxury cruiser they’d just disembarked. “You told us you were done with smuggling for good.”

"It's not like that!" Jamie insisted.

“You wait ‘till Hannah hears about this, young lady,” he said with faux gravitas, wagging a finger under her nose.

“Oh, come off it!”

Grinning, Owen stepped forward to Dani with his hand outstretched. “You must be Miss Clayton. I trust you’ve been making sure Jamie hasn’t been getting into any trouble?”

With a breathy laugh, Dani hesitated to take his hand before finally shaking it as if expecting to be struck by sudden lightning. “To the contrary.”

He narrowed his eyes towards Jamie. “That doesn’t sound right. Has she been ill?”

“Oi!” Jamie snapped.

Owen chuckled, letting go of Dani’s hand and making shooing motions at the two of them. “Off we hop, then. I have the landspeeder parked outside and dinner in the oven.”

“Is that a euphemism?” asked Jamie.

Owen made no gesture, but Jamie felt a light repreminanding flick of the Force at the back of her head. “Don’t be naughty, now. We have a guest.”

Rubbing at the back of her head, Jamie followed him to the landspeeder. She offered Dani a brief encouraging smile, receiving something tremulous in return.

“He seems nice,” Dani said in a low voice.

“I am,” said Owen without turning around. “Thank you.”

Leaning closer to Dani, Jamie whispered, “And he’s got big ears.”

“I do, yes. Who wants the front seat?”

Jamie let Dani take it, so she herself could sprawl across the whole back seat and lean her head over the side of the landspeeder, the wind ruffling her unruly curls. In the front seat, Owen did his best to put Dani at ease while he drove, occupying her with polite talk of her home planet, Alderaan, how it compared to Tython, etc. Jamie only piped up when she heard her own name spoken, usually to correct one of Owen’s tall tales about her, which made Dani’s mouth curve in a smile that Jamie wanted to kiss away.

They had landed on the planet at dusk, and by the time they arrived at Hannah’s apartment in the outer fringes of the Temple complex it was dark. Hannah was sitting on a couch and scrolling through a dry holo feed depicting ancient texts, when Owen ushered them through the front door and into the lounge. In robes of rich burgundy hues against her dark skin, she was a picture of elegance just as Jamie remembered. Immediately she swiped the holo feed away and rose to her feet, crossing the room to pull Jamie into a warm hug and greet Dani with an outstretched hand.

“Do you want drinks?” Hannah asked. “Only I believe Owen had a specific wine he wanted to pair with tonight’s dinner.”

“Did you turn off the oven at -?” Owen started to ask but Hannah simply patted his darkly stubbled cheek.

“Of course I did, silly man. What do you take me for?” Hannah chided.

He grinned but made no move to lean into the gesture or otherwise react, and soon Hannah dropped her hand. Owen disappeared into the kitchen while Hannah urged Dani and Jamie to sit. Jamie sat on the couch, and when Dani sat beside her it was so close their thighs pressed together. Hannah’s dark eyes flicked down to note this, but she simply smiled and inquired about their trip.

With a hand towel tossed over one shoulder, Owen emerged from the kitchen not long later with a platter of savoury pastries, which he set on a table for easy access. Jamie swiped one up with an eager hand.

“Not bad,” she said to Owen, mid-chew. “I can feel my latest scar healing up already.”

“Shush you,” Owen said, swatting at her knees with the hand towel. Jamie snickered and reached for another pastry.

Meanwhile Hannah had sat on a lone armchair and turned her attention to Dani. “Jamie mentioned she had a Force Sensitive friend with a peculiar - ah - predicament, so to speak. She brought you to the right place.”

“Oh, I’m not,” Dani said with a flighty motion of her hand, “Force Sensitive.”

Hannah tilted her head. “What makes you say that?”

“It’s not me that uses the Force. It’s -” she pointed to her eye, the one that burned a constant gold these days, “- whatever this is.”

“And what makes you think you have nothing to do with it?” Hannah asked.

“Well,” Dani fumbled for a response. She was perched at the very edge of the couch, knees tucked together as if expecting a scolding from a teacher. “Peter said -”

“Peter?” Hannah rounded on Jamie with a flinty expression. “Don’t tell me you’re still getting yourself tied up with the likes of Peter bloody Quint.”

“I’m not!” Jamie said, trying to sound indignant but doing a very poor job of it since her mouth was full of pastry. She chewed quickly and swallowed so she could better defend herself. “Besides, he’s dead now!”

“Oh, that is a shame,” Owen sighed dreamily. “I would’ve liked to have seen it myself.”

“Who was the lucky bastard who killed him?” Hannah asked.

From the couch, Dani cleared her throat uncomfortably, then lifted her hand in a miserable little wave. Both Owen and Hannah exchanged surprised glances.

“It was an accident,” Dani said in a small voice.

“Well, brava,” said Owen.

Dani closed her eyes. “Please, don’t. I - uh -” she drew in a trembling breath and forged on, “I don’t know exactly what Jamie told you, but he wasn’t the only one.”

“Ah,” said Hannah shortly. “Yes, she did mention something about that. The dead Consular out by Vurdon Ka. Edmund, was it?”

Dani’s only reply was to nod and stare down at her socks; they’d all removed their shoes at the front door and set them into the cloak closet.

“Can’t imagine the investigation will come poking around here,” Owen added. “They’ll think you’ve run off to the Outer Rim to hide.”

Hannah hummed. “Yes, well, best we keep Miss Clayton inside for the duration of her visit, anyway.”

Dani stared at them in utter bewilderment. “But don’t you - Shouldn’t you be reporting me to the authorities?”

Owen tipped his head towards Jamie. “If this one vouches for you, then I believe you.”

Placing her hand over her heart, Jamie said, “That’s so romantic. You going soft on me?”

He knocked his foot against her ankle. “You wish.”

“If what you say is true,” said Hannah, ignoring their antics, “and you’re being inhabited by some Sith entity, then I rather think it our duty to help you, not put you down like a rabid dog.”

Owen cleared his throat. “About the Sith entity thing. Can we go back to that?”

"Quint said something about a -" Jamie trailed off, then turned to Dani. "What did he call it? The glowy box?"

"A holocron," Dani said.

Both Hannah and Owen turned to look at them with such sudden sharpness that Jamie nearly took a step back in surprise.

"A holocron," Hannah repeated. “You’re sure?”

"What colour was it?" Owen asked Dani before she could answer Hannah’s question. "Was it blue? Please say it was blue. I'll even take green."

Dani blinked, taken aback, and glanced nervously between them and Jamie before she answered, "It was red."

Hannah drew in a sharp breath and Owen grimaced as though he'd just been shot in the leg.

“Where is it now?” Hannah asked.

"Gone," Jamie said with a shake of her head. "In bits and pieces back on Quint's flagship."

"Not all of it."

The three of them — Hannah, Owen, and Jamie — all turned their attention to Dani, who was wringing her hands together in her lap. Then she reached into the sewn up makeshift pocket of her cloak and pulled out a single shard of black gold metal.

"I kept one of the pieces," Dani explained, holding it out towards them. "In case — I don't know — in case Peter tried to put it back together again."

“May I?” Hannah held out her hand.

Dani passed it over to her. Carefully, Hannah inspected it. Thin, triangular and gleaming darkly in the light. Jamie thought she could almost hear a faint whisper when she looked at it for too long, a cold fingertip brushing against the back of her neck, travelling down the length of her spine.

“There is part of an inscription here in the old Sith Tongue,” Hannah said, and she spoke a series of guttural words that seemed to darken the very air around her before translating them. “I sleep. I wake. I walk.”

“Mmm,” said Owen. “Hate that.”

“I’m so glad you two know what the hell is going on,” Jamie said dryly.

Shooting Jamie an exasperated look, Hannah handed the shard back to Dani. “Thank you, dear. What you have there is a piece of a very rare storage device made with the Force. Undoubtedly Sith in origin, and very ancient, too. Jedi use them as well. Holocrons contain information. Secrets. Wisdom. Power.”

Dani turned the metallic triangle over between the fingers as if trying to read the same inscription, or to glean something more. “And what did this one hold?”

“I haven’t the foggiest,” Hannah said with a soft smile. “Whatever that holocron once held is long gone now.”

Dani clenched the triangle in one fist. “But what if we had all the pieces?”

“Perhaps that would accomplish something. I doubt it.” Then Hannah added wryly, “You might be able to make a very fine lamp.”

In the other armchair, Owen snorted. Without looking in his direction, Jamie aimed a kick at his leg, which he easily dodged.

“That can’t be everything,” Dani said, knuckles going white, voice going shaky. “You have to know something more. There has to be more.”

Hannah shrugged. “I’ll look through the archives tonight. Maybe then we will have more answers.”

“That’s -”

"Tomorrow," said Hannah firmly yet kindly. She stood and urged Dani to her feet as well.

"But -" Dani started to say.

Hannah put a warm hand on Dani shoulder and steered her towards the dining room. "Tomorrow," she repeated. "We cannot solve the galaxy's problems in an evening."

—

After dinner, they retired to the lounge over a glass of wine. Hannah took Dani aside, where they murmured away together in a corner, while Jamie and Owen sat in armchairs across a polished stone firepit that had been dug into the ground. Dani wandered off to bed not long after with a lingering glance in Jamie’s direction, then Hannah left for the comforts of her archives, murmuring that same phrase in the old Sith Tongue as she went.

I sleep. I wake. I walk.

Jamie shivered in spite of herself. Owen watched her knowingly over the rim of his glass.

“How are you really?”

“You know me. Bold as brass,” Jamie muttered.

He glanced down the hallway, where Dani had gone and not emerged after the sound of a door shutting. “I shouldn’t have to tell you to be careful, so I won’t.”

Jamie grimaced. “Yeah. I know.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I won’t. Besides,” she reached out to nudge his elbow so that it slipped off the armrest of the couch. “I can always count on you to patch me up again.”

His answering smile was strained. “I can only do so much with lightsabre wounds.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Owen took a sip of his wine and hummed, the note echoing slightly around the glass bowl. “I defer to Hannah in matters of balance in the Force,” he said, “but I’m not sure I can do anything for your friend without more information. And even then — I’m saying this might be a lost cause, Jamie.”

Jamie gripped the stem of her wineglass and rolled her head back to sigh at the ceiling. “If I had two credits for every time someone told me that, I’d have twelve credits.”

“You could buy yourself a decent stimpack with that,” he said with a snap of his fingers.

She let her head loll forward again and leaned her cheek upon her fist. “I know what you’re going to say.”

Owen smiled sadly at her and then he said it anyway, “You need to prepare yourself for the worst.”

“I don’t want to hear it, mate.”

He leaned forward, setting aside his wineglass on a side table, and said in a soft yet serious tone, “You cannot let your judgement be clouded by personal attachments.”

She laughed, a short bitter huff of laughter. “That’s rich, coming from you.” With a gesture around the room, she said, “Awfully cosy here in Hannah’s place, innit? Was that your spare cloak and set of boots in the closet I saw?”

If Owen was put off his stride in any way, he did not show it, nor did he falter. “As a member of The Order, it is your duty to help everyone you can. And in that regard, you have always been the best of us.”

Jaw tight, Jamie glared into the firepit, a flicker of flame sending up sparks. “I’m not a Jedi.”

“No,” he murmured, his gaze dark and warm and unyielding. “But you act like one. If strength and power were what made a Jedi, then we would all be Sith. You are not defined by how much of the Force you can control. It’s what you do that matters.”

Jamie eyes burned from staring at the fire for too long. She cleared her throat, lifted her wineglass and drained its contents.

“Thanks for the drink and for the food,” she said, setting the wineglass aside and pushing herself to her feet. “And for the shit pep talk.”

Owen did not stand or attempt to bring her back when Jamie turned and walked down the same hallway Dani had vanished down about an hour ago. He let her go with a soft, “Good night,” that Jamie caught just on the edges of her hearing, and which made her fists clench.

At the end of the hall, Hannah had given them each their own rooms across from one another. Jamie stopped in front of Dani’s door. There was a soft light shining beneath the gap at the base, indicating that either Dani was still awake, or she was too afraid to sleep alone with the lights off. Jamie lifted her hand to knock, but stopped before she could touch the door. Instead she ran her hand down her face and rubbed at her eyes. Then with a shake of her head, she turned around and went into her own room.

It was the first night in nearly two weeks that Jamie slept alone. She tossed and turned, looking back towards her own shut door, seeing the echo of that pale sliver of light across the hall. Telling herself she was being ridiculous, she shut her eyes and struggled in search of sleep.

—

“I did a bit more research last night,” said Hannah as a greeting over breakfast.

“Oh, aye?” Jamie mumbled to the contents of her teacup.

Late morning sunlight washed through the tall windows of Hannah’s apartment, and Jamie was combating a pervasive grogginess with her third cup of the morning. Sleep last night had been a futile effort. Sitting across the table from her, Dani looked no better off; her eyes were circled with dark rings and her hair lacked its usual polished care. She had already been out in the kitchen for some time when Jamie had finally emerged from her room to find Dani helping Owen prepare breakfast and set the table. Both she and Owen had greeted Jamie with varying degrees of enthusiasm — Dani with a small private grin, Owen with a boisterous call of ‘Good Morning!’ that could’ve woken the dead.

Now they were all seated at the dining table. Owen had prepared a spread of food that would have given the ship’s computer a run for its millions of credits. He and Dani had tucked in, while Jamie and Hannah nursed their cups of tea in lieu of food.

“That inscription,” said Hannah. “I sleep. I wake. I walk. IT was specific enough to give me a small lead.”

Jamie lowered her cup, while across the table from her Dani did the same with her knife and fork, suddenly alert.

“So, what did the holocron have in it?” Jamie asked.

“Not what. Who.” Hannah pointed around her cup towards Dani, who had gone stock-still. “The echo of a soul. An ancient Sith Lord, whose sunken tomb is said to lie beneath the waters of a planet lost to time after the Hundred-Year Darkness. I could find nothing more than this, and at first I thought it a mere legend. Here. These images were taken from The Valley of the Dark Lords on Korriban.”

Hannah tapped at a link on her wrist, bringing up a holographic display which she set to the middle of the table so the rest of them could see. A collage of pictures from various sources. Old texts written on parchment or carved into stone. Weathered statues emerging from bodies of water in dark caves, and vast frescos painted upon plastered walls depicting a woman. All of them somehow defaced. Sections of writing blotted or chiselled away. The heads of every statue, every painting smashed or blighted as though taken to by a hammer.

“Spooky,” Owen muttered.

“What’s wrong with her face?” asked Jamie.

“It seems even other Sith feared her. Or envied her. Or hated her. Who knows? But her very name and image have been desecrated beyond repair, condemned to damnatio memoriae,” Hannah highlighted a section of writing that had been left unscarred. “They call her only: The Lady.”

Jamie stared at one of the statues, and even though it lacked all discernible features she could not shake herself of the horrible feeling that it was watching her back. “A Sith feared by other Sith? Well, that’s not terrifying at all.”

“All Sith eventually turn on each other in the end,” Owen scoffed. “This was probably just the work of some ambitious apprentice. You know how they are.”

“That’s very possible,” agreed Hannah.

“So instead of knowledge,” Jamie said slowly, “the holocron was holding a piece of her soul? Why?”

“A piece? No.” Hannah shook her head. “More like a shadow. A reflection of what once was whole. And for what purpose, I cannot say. Did she even make it herself? Or was it made of her unwillingly? Perhaps to preserve her own life. Or even to trap her, to interrogate her. All of these are plausible.”

Owen hummed a contemplative note, nodding to himself, then he abruptly said, “More tea?”

Hannah held out her cup. “Please. Thank you, dear.”

Meanwhile, Dani had spoken not a word. Her gaze was glued to one of the holo images, the one of a fresco depicting The Lady, faceless, with her hands on the shoulders of a young child with gold-graven eyes.

Jamie nudged her foot under the table, and Dani started, blinking at her.

“Sorry,” Dani breathed.

“S’alright,” Jamie said. She nodded towards the holo images. “This sound familiar at all?”

Dani licked her lips and then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s her.” Hands clenched and trembling around her cutlery, she said, “I’m sorry, but can you please turn that off?”

Without question, Hannah killed the feed, and Dani breathed a sigh of relief. Owen topped up Dani’s teacup as well, and she smiled gratefully at him. He winked and set down the teapot.

“As fascinating as Sith history is,” said Owen dryly. “What does it have to do with Alderaan? Why target children of House Thul?”

Hannah looked to be deep in thought, sipping at her tea with a furrow to her brow, while Dani shrugged.

Meanwhile, Jamie groaned and rubbed at her eyes. "I don't know," she said, "but I know someone who does. Do you have a transceiver?"

“Oh! Yeah. Give me a tick.” Owen pushed back his chair and went off in search of a transceiver. He returned a moment later holding a blade-thin screen, tapping at it to pull up the right application before he handed it to Jamie and sat back down in his seat. “Here.”

“Cheers.” Jamie took the screen and typed in the relevant frequency and hit a green button.

It rang. And rang. And just as Jamie was about to kill the feed, the screen flickered and a familiar face appeared.

Rebecca smiled. "Well, that was fast. Miss me already?"

#thobm #the haunting of bly manor #star wars #roman writes #no great revelation #damie #dani clayton/jamie

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deviliciousdev · 4 years

Text

MBTI✨Planning a Day Trip🌤🚗

entj (the commander)

intp (the logician)

(couple)

+ entp (the debater) best friend

entj: *throws intp & entp's apartment door open* OK bitches, i got the car ready, i have myself ready, and i look extraordinary as always annnd it's 1:56 so you bitches better be read- intp... what are you doing

intp: oh hey, when'd you get here? Oh um i was in the mood for a snackage and i was gonna get a granola bar BUT then i found these frozen periogi's and was like huh ive never had a periogi, what's a periogi? so i had to investigate but it's fine the ovens almost preheated

entj: *eye twitch, lip smack*

intp, i love you so much, but sometimes when you say you HAVE to do something and it's at a very inefficient time... i die inside a little... i just want you to know that. Now, where is ENTP?

intp: huh noted. oh i think they just woke up, i heard family guy blasting from inside their room like five minutes ago

entp: *walks out of room, in basketball shorts a ripped t-shirt and hair every which way, yawning* sup

entj: *head catches fire like hades, takes a deep breath* it is now exactly 2:03 i thought we were leaving at 2:00 also i was fine when intp told me only a destination and a time, but what do you guys have planned to do there?

intp: *glances around in confused indecisiveness* uhhh

entp: *grabbing donut from day old box*

look don't put that kind of pressure on intp ok... we'll just... figure it out when we get there

entj: okkkkk, how about a category of what sounds appealing to pursue, so at least we have a direction. So shopping, a movie, a museum of some sort, the beach, a nice restaurant, food trucks in the park??

intp: *small excited smile* Yes.

entj: WHAT?! THAT WAS NOT A YES OR NO QUESTION!I HAVE BEEN PATIENT WITH YOU TRYING TO COOK SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES THE OVEN AT THE EXACT TIME WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE! I WAS PATIENT WHEN DIPSHIT TWO OVER HERE BARELY WOKE UP WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSE TO LEAVE! BUT OH MY GOD, I AM THIS *makes a pinch gesture* THIS CLOSE TO MURDERING BOTH OF YOU! AND IM NOT YELLING IM JUST TALKING LOUDLY TO GET MY POINT ACROSS.*clears throat like nothing happened and pulls day old donut box out of entp's hand*

intp & entp: glances to one another trying not to burst into laughter

entj: also, your donuts suck, i'll wait for the periogi's *hugs intp with one arm around waist, lays head on shoulder from behind, still eating day old donut, because entj's are actually huge softies*

conclusion: with intp's kid like curiosity, entp's fearless determination, and entj's adaptive leadership skills, The Three NT Amigos ended up doing everything entj suggested plus a little extra 😏

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iworshipkeanureeves · 4 years

Text

Ocean Blue Scrubs [2] (Julian Mercer x Reader)

- Part 1 -

A/N: This is probably the most innocent thing I have written so far (but wait for the part 3), and it’s full of drama, cause the reader can’t make up her mind. Also, the reader is turning out to be socially awkward and anxious, but I like her that way.

Summary: Another day at a hospital, where you and Julian try to sort your feelings out.

Warnings: death of a patient, anxiety, angst, but there are some sunny moments here, I promise.

Words: 3,1 K

You woke up with a terrible headache. It was probably the wine, but your head was also heavy with all the nagging thoughts about facing Julian at work after whatever it was that you two had shared the previous night.

Naively, you expected that everything would just go back to the way it had been before. You and Doctor Mercer were supposed to be nothing more than just colleagues, or at least not more than friends. That was what you though would be the right thing, but it was definitely not what you truly desired.

You caught yourself thinking about him, as you decided to put an extra coat of mascara today. It felt as if you were a teenager again, crushing on a boy you had met at school, except it was actually your work this time and your teenage years were over a long time ago. You were a grown-up, unsure how to feel or act in a situation like this, troubled by the combat between your brain and your heart.

------

Stepping through the front door of the hospital, you were nervously looking around for Mercer, fortunately, it was still too early for him and you just went your way. As you reached nurses’ room, you realized that it was your safe spot, since Julian would rarely go there, so you took your time enjoying a cup of morning coffee, stalling in there until it was only a couple minutes left before your work started.

It felt really stupid to be hiding from him, but you weren’t ready to face him just yet. You wanted to sort your thoughts, maybe prepare a little speech, and even though you were sure how you felt about him, you hadn’t yet decided if this relationship was good for both of you. You didn’t even know if Julian wanted something more with you, after all, it was just a kiss and you were both drunk.

Taking over night shift, you glanced at a ward corridor. To your surprise, Julian was already there visiting his patients. He seemed happy and energized, rewarding everyone with his wide, incredibly gorgeous smile. After his miserable past couple of weeks, he seemed to be back on track, and you had a feeling that you were the reason behind all of this. If so, his happiness was extremely fragile and very much dependent on you, so the pressure was on.

It was time to check the IV drips, but Julian was still in the way, and there was this little voice in the back of your head saying that you weren’t ready to face him, not yet. Stuck at your desk, you were re-sorting charts, which had already been organized more than enough, and as you began to sense suspicious stares from the fellow nurses, you decided that maybe it was better if you calmed down a little.

Your new plan was to walk around for a while, visit other floors, and hopefully, by the time you were back, Julian would be gone. The plan was going really well until you decided to take the stairs instead of an elevator, and that’s how you found out that Julian preferred stairs too.

“Hey,” he smiled stepping down and your first thought was to run. Of course you didn’t, but you felt your cheeks embarrassingly flushing as Julian came closer passing you. He turned around and halted one step below, but even this way he was taller than you, leaving your eyes leveled with his perfectly rosy lips.

“Oh, hi-i,” you stuttered, trying to look up into his eyes.

For a moment, it seemed like you both couldn’t find the right words, standing silently in an empty stairway, waiting for either one of you to make the next move.

“I had fun yesterday,” you finally spoke, as the silence was getting unbearable.

“Me to, Y/N,” Julian grinned, gently brushing his fingertips against your quivering knuckles. Then suddenly, as he decided to take you by the hand, you inadvertently flinched making him immediately let go. “Oh, I’m so sorry, it was inappropriate,” he blushed.

“No, it’s OK, but I have patients and I’m already late,” you gushed and ran upstairs without turning around to take a final look at him. You could only hear Julian mumbling something, but you were too far gone to understand it.

You hated yourself, but the nerves would always mess you up when you were around him. It probably meant something, and you knew it, you liked Julian from the moment you met him, you just couldn’t be sure if he felt the same way. Now, when it became obvious that he was actually into you, and the things were finally moving your way, you got scared that you might screw this up.

------

The day felt really long as you were constantly looking over your shoulder, checking if Julian was not somewhere around you. During lunch, you had an awkward encounter, where you just glanced at each other and exchanged subtle smiles, yet you didn’t have the guts to come up to his table. It was beginning to feel like a game.

Every time you were left alone at the nurses’ station, you would immerse yourself in dreams of what life could be, if you were actually dating Doctor Mercer. How nice it would be to wake up next to him each morning, snuggling under the sheets before getting up for breakfast, which you usually skipped when living alone. At work, you would keep your distance, of course, but then once your job was over, you could go back to your shared home and spend evenings together, making dinner, watching movies. You were certain that sex would be amazing too.

Sitting at your desk, completely sunken into one of such fantasies, you saw Julian coming your way and your mind just went blank.

“Look, I can see you’re avoiding me,” Julian sighed leaning on the desk with slight disappointment in his voice, and his dark gaze set from above you. “If you feel uncomfortable about what happened, just tell me and we’ll forget about this.”

If only he knew that you were acting this way, because you truly admired him and you were simply afraid to ruin everything by going in too fast. But how could he know if you didn’t tell him…

“I don’t want things to be weird between us, I’m sorry if I messed everything up last night,” Julian continued, as you failed to respond to his previous words. He was getting anxious, and you felt terrible for torturing him with your indecisiveness.

“Julian, look, I really enjoyed last night with you, it’s just that..,” you wanted to tell Julian everything you felt, but he wouldn’t let you finish.

“Sure, I get it,” he frowned a little, and his eyes filled with sadness that you got used to seeing over the past two weeks. He was so soft and sensitive that it made you even more attracted to him, you wanted to stand up and hug him straight away, nesting him in your embrace, but there were too many people around for you to even consider that.

“Hmm, and what is it that you get?” you started smiling, trying to show that you were positive about this, but it only left Julian really confused. You couldn’t blame him, especially after the way you had been treating him today.

“You like spending time with me, but not that much, it’s cool,” he nodded sucking in his lips, then turned around ready to leave you alone.

“No wait, Julian, that wasn’t what I was going to say,” you raised your voice a little, and only then realized that everyone could possibly hear what you had just said. Julian turned back to face you but his eyes seemed semi-dead, waiting for some final crushing revelation that you wanted to stay friends or it’s not you, it’s me situation.

“Come with me,” you said standing up, taking a pile of documents in your hand. You thought that maybe you would feel more comfortable walking somewhere more private, so you encouraged Julian to follow your way.

Once you turned to a half empty hallway, you didn’t want to keep Julian waiting any longer. “I really like you…”, you said with your eyes stuck to the ground, feeling your heart racing.

“But?” Julian asked, as he sensed that you sentence wasn’t finished yet.

“But things are going really fast and I’m a little overwhelmed,” you were proud of yourself for speaking your mind, hoping it wouldn’t upset him too much.

“Oh…” Julian was even more puzzled and he finally stopped, waiting for you to do the same. “But generally we’re good, right?” he asked still not losing his concern.

“Sure,” you grinned at him, bringing the fire back to Julian’s eyes. He seemed so inconsistent, as his emotion would change with a slight shift in conversation, maybe it was a sign that he wasn’t actually doing well.

It was strange, neither one of you knew what to do next, so you just stared and smiled at each other. As time went by, you had to hold back your anxious giggles, which were about to erupt from your throat. It kind of reminded you of that moment you shared in the stairway hours ago, just this time, your conscience was clear, you had spilled your feelings out, it was Julian’s turn to do so.

Standing still and gazing into his dark eyes, you gave Julian all this time to say something, but he didn’t. What if he didn’t feel the same way about you after all? But then how his words behind that desk could be explained? Maybe he did want to forget about yesterday?

You had to do something before allowing the nerves to take over you again, so you decided to speak first by saying something lighthearted.

“Don’t think I’m running away, but I have work to do, really,” you exhaled. “And so do you,” you then added, handing him a pile of electrocardiograms that you were carrying around in your arms.

“Y/N?” your named rolled smoothly from Julian’s tongue and you turned your head to face him again, waiting for what he was about to say.

“I like you too,” he smiled, “I just don’t want to push you if that’s how you feel. Take your time, ok?” Julian said softly and waved with his papers before going away.

Hearing those words at the corridor had put a broad smile on your face for the rest of the day. Well, at least until you met Julian again.

------

Seeing your phone almost dead, you decided to go find a charger since you were going to stay for the night shift and your battery wouldn’t last. As you got around the corner, you heard an intensive beeping, and your first instinct was to run. Bursting through the door, you only saw Julian performing intense chest compressions and a flat line in the monitor beside him. Everyone else just stood around the bed and it seemed like they had already given up.

Julian appeared to be completely obsessed with saving the patient, but it was already too late, everyone could see that, except him. The nurse next to him stood there completely appalled as Julian was indifferent to everything going on around him, ignoring every request to stop. This wasn’t going to end well and you felt like stepping in.

“Julian,” you said softly moving closer, “It’s over.”

It appeared as a miracle that once your words had reached him, Julian’s movements gradually halted and he stepped away declaring the time of death. He looked defeated and miserable, you could see his eyes almost tearing up as he rushed through the door without even looking at you.

Generally, Julian knew how to deal with it, he had learned to accept the loss of a patient over the course of his career. This time something must have been different, but you didn’t know why.

You decided it was better if you followed him. “Julian, I’m so sorry,” you were practically running after him, as he was heading towards his office. “You know it wasn’t your fault,” you tried to console him, watching Julian gathering his stuff, switching from his white coat into his jacket. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Julian was completely silent. Not that he meant to ignore you, because he did give you a few heart-wrenching glances, he just didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything. It would have probably made him tear up, and he didn’t want to let himself go. Not in front of you.

“Julian, wait, you can’t leave like this,” you said strictly, blocking the door.

“I’m done working for today, so I’m free to go, no?” Julian stood inches away from you, and you could feel his eyes examining your face, residing on your pressed lips.

There was no choice but to let him go, you had no control over him and the last thing you wanted was to cause a scene. Stepping away, you allowed him to lock the door from the outside, and eventually, you ended up going after him, again.

Strangely, he didn’t go to his car, instead he took the path leading to the beach and curiosity got the better of you. You were persistent, leaving the hospital far behind you, and after a while it began to feel like you weren’t following him anymore, instead it was just as you were walking somewhere together. But in silence.

“Where are we going?” you finally demanded, suggesting that you weren’t planning on leaving him any time soon.

“Don’t you have a night shift?” he asked, making you realize that he must have checked your schedule in order to know this.

“No,” you lied.

“Then you’ll see” he smiled and stretched his arm, waiting for you to take his hand.

Hesitant at first, you finally gave in shyly rubbing your thumb in Julian’s palm. There was no point in turning back now, as you could already hear the waves crashing against the shore and the smell of the ocean was tickling your nose.

Surprisingly, instead of sticking to the main path, Julian made a turn and you had no idea where it was leading, you just followed his way. Soon, you learned that it was a secluded beach with a rocky shore and wooden constructions, it seemed natural and untouched, with tiny shrubs scattered in the brightly colored sand. Finally facing the vast ocean, you sucked in a deep breath. It was magnificent. No wonder why Julian wanted to visit a place like this.

Feeling the cool breeze against your skin, you slipped your palm out of Julian’s hand, crossing your arms and shrinking a little. Once he realized you were only in your scrubs, Julian quickly took his jacket off and enveloped your back in it, with his hands pressing firmly onto your shoulders. You could feel his body radiating warmth from behind and it was better than any jacket anyone could ever give you.

“There’s so much going on, it’s overwhelming,” he said against your ear, “I come here to clear my mind.”

Indeed, it was incredibly peaceful, and feeling the weight of Julian arms on your shoulders was adding a sense of security. You could see how any trouble would go away in a place like this.

“Come on, let’s go,” he gently pushed you forward, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulders.

Going along the shoreline, you didn’t talk much. This walk, it felt like Julian was letting you into something private and intimate of his. His special place, where he would only come alone.

You had so many questions. About the patient and why it was so important to him this time, about his very recent break up, whether he was sure he was able to immerse into a new relationship so soon. Also, how were you going to deal with working together if things between you went south. But it almost felt inappropriate to ask such things now as you were a guest in his sacred space.

Finally you heard Julian’s words. “We can’t get far, you have to go back to work,” he said, “I know you have a shift, Y/N.”

It was kind of embarrassing that Julian actually knew you were willing to miss work for him. It was also sweet that he wouldn’t let you do that, he was really caring and responsible after all, it made him a wonderful doctor.

As it was time to finally turn around and you were changing sides coming face to face with each other, you noticed his gaze set on you with golden sand complementing his dark chocolate eyes. It felt like Julian could kiss you any moment now, but all he said was “We’re taking things slow, right?”

Even if you were dying to suck into Julian’s lips, you appreciated that he had listen to you, and was willing to do things your way. Nevertheless, it felt right to at least hug him now, and you snuck your hands in between Julian’s arms wrapping tightly around his core. You could hear Julian’s heart pounding against his tough chest, and the rhythm felt soothing, as you were observing glimmering horizon, held securely in his embrace.

“It was an emotive day, huh?” he mumbled, resting his chin on the top of your head as he pushed you deeper into a hug.

“It sure was,” you agreed. It must have not been easy for him too, and you stood still with your palms slowly rubbing his back, unwilling to let Julian go. Just for a little longer.

------

Entering the hospital area, you were upset that the walk was over. You loved your job, yet now, you couldn’t help but think that it was much better when Julian was also working around. You knew it was childish to think that way, but truth to be told, Julian had taken complete control over you.

“See you on Monday,” he smiled, as you were both approaching his car.

Hearing him say Monday, it felt so far away, you knew you would be spending all weekend waiting for the day to come.

“How about a dinner tomorrow, at my place?” you suggested out of the blue.

“But you said we should take this slow, Y/N?” Julian grinned, shaking his head surprised.

“Oh yes, well, then the day after tomorrow?” you insisted with a stupid smile, bursting into giggles while taking his jacket off.

“I’ll text you,” he laughed folding the jacked in his hands, escorting you back to the hospital with his longing gaze.

--- To be continued ---

#julian mercer #julian mercer x reader #keanu reeves #julian mercer fanfiction #julian mercer imagine #julian mercer fic #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fic #keanu reeves fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #ocean blue scrubs #angst #julian mercer x you #keanu reeves x reader #fanfic #fic

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latetaektalk · 3 years

Note

hiiiiiii 🥰

ahh well, I’ll definitely let you know once I get around to reading it!! omg, never let me go is so bleak, so yah, you’ll love it if you love a good cry, like me hehe!

spirited away is literally like no other movie I’ve ever seen, and I was on the fence on whether to give it 4 or 5 stars, I think really it’s a 4.5 but there’s no half a star emoji haha. I’ve had family over so only half way through howl’s moving castle but I love it so far, so think it’ll be highly rated!

eeeek a fellow marvel fan!!!! I frickin love anything fantasy, LOTR, HP ⚡️ so, I don’t have favourites of anything, I’m so so indecisive, but a few of my favourites are cappie winter soldier, (probably the first marvel movie I really loved), thor ragnarok, GOTG, infinity war, civil war, black panther, spiderman. also the disney+ show wandavision is so good! I love scarlet witch 🧙‍♀️ also, I know it’s not marvel, but frickin love into the spider-verse!!! what’s your favourite marvel movie?? and what are your favourite movies in general?

hmm, good question… my favourite lego set is probably my new york set, it’s the first one I made during lockdown and it brought me joy during a bad time!

ah I was so waiting for a good time when I heard the title for the song, and when I listened to it, I was like, I should have known it was gonna be a sad girl summer. I haven’t, I’ll definitely check it out. I love hot ones interviews, did you see olivia rodrigo’s one, it was so funny! I love billie eilish’s new song, happier than ever, but I still need to listen to her new album!

I’ve always wanted to play piano, do you still play? yeah, I really hope she does!! but even if she doesn’t, fans always come through and do amazing versions themselves on youtube, but it would be awesome if she did official versions !!

speak soon, 🦋.

hello love !!

i definitely love a good cry, so im looking forward to getting it !! be ready for me to rant a bunch to you when i finish it!! and yes oh my god spirited away has a special place in my heart 💕 i watched that film during different stages of my life, and ive just grown such an appreciation for it! and im glad youre enjoying howl's moving castle! i really love that film too,,, in general im just in love with every ghibli film asdfsa also! i hope you had a great time with your family !!

ahhhh i see your a fantasy lover!! im not gonna lie, im not much of a fantasy fan and also havent actually finished the harry potter books/films but im always amazed by the people that are! i just know i wont be able to remember all of the lore 🤧 marvel lore is already enough for me sadfas and ahhh your taste is just ✨✨ im happy to hear that youre enjoying wandervision !! i dont have disney+ so i havent actually watched it yet,,, but im glad you like it! and oh my god i still gotta watch the spider-verse too asdf ive been so lazy with watching things these days lmao and even tho i agree with you that its impossible to choose any favourites, i do think that the first GOTG film is my favourite! its pretty much the first marvel film i ever saw and i just fell in love 💘💘 and aside from the marvel films, i really love romcoms !! my favourites are probably 500 days of summer and about time! both have a very special place in my heart because theyre just so goddamn great 💓 i also absolutely love the ocean's films !!! i think ive rewatched these films about a dozen of times now,, like whenever i dont know what to watch ill put it on! and obviously also spirited away ✨

ohh i see !! i just googled it and the set is so pretty! im glad to hear that it brought you joy during a bad time!!

and yeah stoned at the nail salon could have either been a really happy or sad song,,, and honestly with lorde i was expecting the latter LMAO and yes please do check it out!! it was a lot of fun!! and yeah ive seen olivia's hot ones interview !! now that lorde and olivia have done it im just waiting for a certain miss taylor swift to do it too to finish off the trio 👀 and right! i gotta listen to billie's new album too!! i really enjoyed her first album, so hopefully ill get around to listening to it soon! have you listened to it now? if so, what are your thoughts?

no, i quit around two years ago,, to be honest, i never wanted to learn in the first place asfds i was kinda forced into it by my parents rip and never really developed much of a passion for it 🤧 but if you wanna play piano, im sure you can teach yourself !! i feel like piano is a rather easy to learn, at least compared to other instruments! have you looked into that maybe? and if you dont wanna teach yourself, taking a couple lessons and learning the basics should be enough for most people !! i hope you get to around learning the piano one day !! im sure youll enjoy it because it really is a beautiful instrument 💘

anyway, please have a nice day love!! love you lots 💓

#🦋 anon #linh.anon #linh.ask

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atinytokki · 4 years

Text

My Way

iv. Best Case Scenario

There was no point in trying to sneak back into the Hall.

Hongjoong had left the familiar comfort of his former home behind, scared out of reading his mother’s diary by a group of strangers who had been arriving to cart away their belongings, auctioning them off to who knows where.

It was all he needed to know his relatives had gone through with selling the cottage.

So he hid the book in the floorboards, walking back to Jangwon on tired feet, nowhere else to go, and took the verbal beating he knew to expect for running off like he had.

Except it wasn’t just Aunt Minkyung. It was Aunt Ajung, and Aunt Sohee, and even Sohee’s son Myungsoo and his fiancée Bora.

Hongjoong sighed and closed his eyes in exasperation, slowing to a stop in front of them.

It looked like they would be causing a scene in the entryway. One Hongjoong should’ve expected.

“Where have you been all night?” Minkyung snapped. Hongjoong didn’t even get a chance to answer.

“And the night before the funeral, no less!” Aunt Ajung muttered, clearly more upset about the inconvenience than anything else.

“Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought we’d have to send a search party—” Sohee began but was interrupted by Aunt Minkyung again.

“You could’ve died, do you realise that?”

“Well, sorry to disappoint,” Hongjoong finally shot back, trying to get around the imposing gaggle of relations.

Scandalised gasps went up all around him but he kept walking.

The pair of gardeners tending the front lawn were wide-eyed and whispering to each other.

Suddenly someone yanked on Hongjoong’s arm, pulling him back. He was confronted with Aunt Minkyung’s incredibly red face, arm raised as if to deliver a slap.

“How dare you show such disrespect, you ungrateful—”

“Let me through!” Cousin Seyong’s voice broke through the chaos as he pushed past the crowd and pulled Hongjoong out of his mother’s firm grip. “No time, he needs to get ready.”

Confused but grateful to be whisked away from the confrontation, Hongjoong followed Seyong into the private wing occupied by the master of the hall and his immediate family, where Hongjoong had spent the night previously.

Yujung was there waiting and shushed Hongjoong before he could ask anything, scanning him up and down.

“Look at you, you’re filthy.”

He had nothing to say on the matter, so he let himself be scrubbed, washed, rinsed, and dressed. He had to admit as he stood in his best clothes and let Yujung wrangle his hair into something presentable, that it felt kind of nice. Something he had missed.

“You’re taking care of me.”

It sounded like a statement but underneath the emotionless exterior it was a question.

“Well, nothing’s decided. Not until this evening.”

They still had a funeral to get through.

Hongjoong nodded quickly and steeled himself. There was no guarantee of anything anymore. He knew that the moment the storm split their boat in two.

...

The sky was grey. No sunshine, and no rain. Just another average overcast day.

Everyone was assembled behind Jangwon on a hill facing east, the highest point in the town.

They were there, bathed in incense and dressed in grave clothes. They had already been bound in shrouds and waited to be lowered into the ground, with a final nail driven into the coffin lid symbolising the finality of their departure from this world. Those bodies weren’t Hongjoong’s parents anymore.

Uncle Ryeowook was reading off a speech about them, their achievements and contributions to Panhang, their dedication to their family and community, and most of all their tragic reminder to be cautious on the sea.

He said nothing about their kindness or their sense of humour. He wouldn’t remember them by their patience as teachers or their example of bravery. He didn’t know those things about them.

One by one, visitors came up and bowed twice to pay their respects. Hongjoong recognised nearly everyone, and tried not to make eye contact with his former friends and classmates.

His old neighbour Bosung placed a hand on his shoulder silently but left without saying anything else. Hongjoong was glad for it- the fewer awkward conversations, the better. Who knew what would become of those relationships, cut off and fizzled into nothingness once he became prisoner at his family’s behest.

Tuning out the loud wails of the women and turning away from the solemn faces of the men, Hongjoong’s eyes went to the ocean, imagining his parents waiting for him to hurry up and get on the boat so they could set sail and start their day.

When the guests dispersed to drink and stuff their faces with ceremonial food, Hongjoong lingered to bow one last time.

It was deep and long and full of emotions and apologies. The tears he kept at bay.

As he stood, he pictured them casting off without him, leaving him behind to explore fairer shores.

But it was alright, he could be patient.

He’d join them when it was time.

He wasn’t overwhelmed with sadness anymore; he was quietly but fiercely angry.

Nothing Mother and Father needed to know about.

...

“I know about the gossip.”

An embarrassed Yujung turned from where she had been scolding a whispering servant and faced Hongjoong.

He kept talking, mindlessly slicing into pieces of fruit but neglecting to eat them.

“They throw the word orphan around, they say I’ll never inherit anything. That I’m no better than a servant in my own home.”

“It doesn’t matter what they say,” Yujung insisted, shooing away the servants before they could do anymore harm and sitting down across from him, grabbing his arm with conviction.

The action shocked him into slicing himself, flinching at the small trickle of blood coming from his hand. The wound barely registered as Yujung hurriedly snatched up a handkerchief and pressed it to the cut. Hongjoong simply shook his head and went on, “But it’s true. In the best case scenario, I’ll be granted some form of independence until I can escape and take care of myself.”

“Don’t speak like that,” Yujung scolded quietly, with a lot less vigour than anyone else in the Hall would’ve. “We want what’s best for you.”

“Maybe you want what’s best for me,” Hongjoong chuckled dryly. “No one else in this house does.”

He had been snacking on leftover fruit from the funeral all afternoon while his aunts and uncles entertained their guests and then shut the study door again so they could discuss his future living arrangements.

Eventually even Yujung had to leave and give them her opinion. Hongjoong didn’t have much hope in her ability to better his situation, not after what happened last time.

One of the servants came and called him to the room at half past six.

Now was the part when they stopped talking about him behind his back and invited him to the face to face conversation.

Uncle Ryeowook beckoned him forward around the side of the desk and so he went, ignoring the eyes he could feel on him.

“Assuming you don’t want to be sent to an orphanage, we’ve come up with a solution, Hongjoong.”

He said it like he should be grateful for such merciful intervention.

“We think you’ll like it,” Aunt Minkyung added from behind her husband. “Very much in fact.”

Aunt Ajung got straight to the point, reading from the legal document the assembled family members had drafted up. “Technically, you’ll be in the custody of the master of the hall, that’s Ryeowook, but Seyong and Yujung will be your primary caretakers until they have children of their own, as Ryeowook and Minkyung have little time and patience for another child.”

Well, that was a relief.

“Your education will continue under the family tutor, but at your age we’ll be expecting you to work for your keep. In the fields, or the mines, or the kitchens— wherever you’re needed. It will depend on the day.”

It was bare minimum provision, with the slight advantage that he’d be in the care of the least abhorrent of his relatives, but bare minimum nonetheless.

Aunt Minkyung smiled a tight smile at him like she was confused why he wasn’t on his knees thanking them. “It’ll be useful to have someone so flexible helping to run Jangwon!” She explained cheerfully.

Hongjoong knew what they were playing at.

He was old enough to take on responsibility but young enough not to be granted freedom.

He was well bred enough to be taught social graces but low enough on the ladder to work for free.

So he simply bowed to each of his superiors, extra deeply to Seyong and Yujung, and padded upstairs silently like the outcast he was.

Minutes or hours later- he couldn’t be sure- his new guardians came to find him sitting by the window watching the sun shrink behind the clouds.

The mysterious stranger’s prediction had been right. The second storm was arriving after all.

Cousin Seyong cleared his throat uncomfortably and tried to offer some condolence. “I’m sorry, it’s the best we could do...”

“But I did push for them to give you more time,” Yujung broke in. “Time to, you know, grieve and... and integrate with the routine here... all of that.”

Hongjoong turned to face them and forced a smile. “Thank you,” he said, and he meant it. The meeting could’ve turned out a lot worse. “Is there any way I’ll be allowed out on my own from now on?”

The couple glanced at each other indecisively. They’d never been parents, they hadn’t the first clue how to proceed with respects to a boy already approaching his teens.

“Well, you’ve run away once, I wouldn’t put it past you to do so again,” Seyong sighed honestly. “Perhaps as long as you stay away from the cliffside and the beach...”

“Provided you tell us when and where,” Yujung amended quickly. “And you’re always encouraged to bring someone with you.”

“Not that you’ll have much time for wandering anyway,” Cousin Seyong pointed out, pulling the curtains shut, blocking Hongjoong’s view of the coast, and preparing to leave the room. “You’ll be busy with lessons and work and such.”

Keeping him occupied so he couldn’t cause trouble. That was the plan.

Hongjoong nodded his acceptance of the conditions and bade both of them goodnight.

They were worried about him, he could see that, but things were off to such a clumsy start, Hongjoong didn’t put much on their ability to control him.

Not when he already had a destination in mind.

For most of the day he’d sat alone while chaos ensued around him. There would be a small window of time for him to get away unseen but he knew the road well.

As he lay awake, he thought of the family moving into his cottage tomorrow morning. They would have no idea what it had once been like. Maybe they would even move the furniture or change the decorations.

It wouldn’t hurt to simply observe the proceedings from a safe distance, he decided.

Rain was falling on the windows, and his pillow had grown wet, but only from his own tears.

His aunts always told him not to cry, but they weren’t around to admonish him.

For once, he was happy to be alone.

...

A/N: Another sombre update from me :,) Forgive me if the chapters are sparser because of school. Don’t forget to like and rb <3

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oldfritz · 4 years

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this was surprisingly hard because half of them I wanted to throw in f, but then felt guilty about it so here’s where we are. explanations under the cut to be nice (fair warning: I’m writing this while tipsy so this is a journey)

S-tier

Old Fritz: look me in the eyes. look at me. are you looking? good. where else was I was going to put him? where? in C with the other losers? foolish. I am ruining my life for this man, I’m going to go into debt so I can be moderately qualified to write books on him so Tim Blanning and Christopher Clark don’t boo my off the stage. I sit here sometimes and I’m like ‘y’know, I would start a podcast to talk about his life’ as if I’m some straight white guy who thinks any of you want to listen to me for an hour. he’s a bastard, a smug bastard, and is the epitome of self-destructive tendencies. and, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t so fucking misogynistic all the time. ‘oh women aren’t fit to rule’ shut up Fritz before I time travel to fuck your wife and make her have one night where life feels worthwhile. but he’s funny, I enjoy how he does foreign policy, and he’s unfortunately relatable to me. cheers, Fritz. here’s to never being satisfied from one gay disaster with anger issues to another. may we burn in hell together

A-tier

Friedrich iii: “Suzanne, he was only on the throne for 99 days!! how can he be this high up when some of these bastards refused to die?” I hear you, my friends, and I have answers. I’ll tell you two words you’ll be shocked to hear put together: liberal Hohenzollern. a rare breed, isn’t it? imagine, friends, a world where he got over his throat cancer because he listened to a doctor and we get through the 1910s, 20s, even the 30s without Wilhelm II Electric Boogaloo being in power. Prussia is still on the map, the Anglo-Prussian alliance is strong, and I live in peace. but no. this stupid man had to keep smoking. because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my needs. you know, he actually loved his wife. rare in this family. loved her and wasn’t abusive. the bar is so low, guys. and his wife is amazing too, Victoria. the world would’ve been in competent hands if they’d been in power longer (and Bismarck would’ve been out of a job still but at least these guys are smart. their son inherited grandma Vicki’s IQ). I would sleep with both of them and would thank them for the honor (when it should always be the other way around, remember that)

B-tier

Friedrich I: if your name is Friedrich and only Friedrich, we’re buds. that’s my rule. I have to give him credit where credit’s due. he was the first. while I agree with Fritz in his proscription that he was ‘small in big ways and big in small ways’ (I may have flipped that around), he wasn’t a bad guy. he just was born into the wrong job for him. I appreciate that he rode on his father’s coattails of proving useful to the Habsburgs and did a little himself to get that sweet, sweet kingship. smart move. I also like that he saw Louis XIV and said to himself “I stan, I kin, on God we’re gonna do that’ and tried. only for have his stupid, ungrateful, unclassy son to do away with that. I, too, am a woman of luxury and self-indulgance and if I had all the riches of Brandenburg and Prussia at the time (not much), I would spend them ridiculously on outfits and music and art. now, what did he do as king? what policy legacy did he leave behind? that’s a good one :)

C-tier

Friedrich Wilhelm III: now as a king he sucks. and I stand by this because, you know, he lost to him *imagine me pretending to be short and saying ‘oui, oui’ in a bad french accent*. and as any proper Englishwoman I can’t support a monarch who goes around losing to the French unless their name is Mary I. but, he’s a pathetic little man. he really is. so indecisive, so unsure of himself. what are you doing little guy? you think because your last name is Hohenzollern, God thinks you’re a good king? well it is like 1805 and, while divine right isn’t really being used as much, it’s as good as any reason on why you’re the chosen one and my family is eating dirt in Sicily and on the Scottish border. he’s really just a dude, nothing extraordinary about him except that his wife was the only one with brains and was the first to establish that (sorry Wilhelm I). he cried when he found out that his children didn’t call him ‘papa’ and went into a deep depressive state when his wife suddenly died. he’s an average man, of average abilities, but of big heart. and the big heart is what bumps him up, for me, from his old place as an F to a C. though, his moralizing is tedious

Friedrich Wilhelm II: this man should have partied with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. everyone’s got that one ruler whose all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. for the US it’s JFK, for the UK it’s Margaret Thatcher Charles II, France has Louis XIV. Prussia has this guy and we should thank him. so many mistresses, so much sex, so much revelry and debauchery and sin! this guy’s personal life is like a treasure trove of political and sexual intrigue. if you’re into that - as I am as a town gossip - you’ll love him. I am constantly amazed by the fact that some STD didn’t kill him. syphilis, herpes, crabs. something, man, anything. but he didn’t. he’s a shit king though. absolutely horrible. all he did was whine that he didn’t get taught anything by Uncle Fritz and, yes, that’s not good if it’s true (but it’s not completely because the treatises are detailed but I guess he didn’t have time to read) but c’mon. actually apply yourself and learn on the job. I know that would’ve required him to not be balls deep somewhere, but unfortunately he’s not Dorian Gray. there’s work that needed to be done and he didn’t do it. boo!!

D-tier

Wilhelm I: apparently he was a good guy, unlike the other 3 who populate the lowest rungs of Prussian kinghood. so I give him that and I can respect that. but what did he do? what were his own ideas? I thought about putting Bismarck as king instead because, really, he was. Bismarck was a minister who ran around the king’s back to set things up exactly as he liked and it fucking worked because he was the brains. his wife was intelligent too, but theirs wasn’t a wamr and loving marriage. and Bismarck worked to get Wilhelm to distrust her because she was liberal and the fact that Wilhelm would listen to Otto even if it meant allowing himself to be drowned in the Rhine is pathetic. fun party at Versailles though. hope it was worth the war reparations

F-tier (bastard time) I’m going in a different order because I want to go from the ones I hate least to most xoxo

Friedrich Wilhelm IV: “I won’t accept a crown from the gutter” then you won’t accept a crown at all, stupid idiot! god, the smugness. the authoritarian impulses. I know it was the cool thing in 1848 to put down any revolts/protests with as much force as possible, but man, at least the Habsburgs were transparent. homie was like “yeah guys lol I’ll make a constitution and it’ll be epic! you’ll have so many rights! xoxo gossip girl” and then...nope. and AND he wanted the Habsburgs in charge of things too! Mr. ‘I’m Nostalgic For When HRE Was Great And We Blew Austrian Dick!’ grow up man. it’s Prussia time buddy, Austria is beginning to fall apart. don’t look to the past, look to the future, but you didn’t have that vision did you?

Wilhelm II: *banging pots and pans* I blame this man for everything! now, intellectually, does Germany take all the blame for WWI? no, that’s foolish and propaganda of the Allies only. if you’re a European power in 1914, you get to share the blame (ex: why did UK need to make this a naval arms race? Austria should’ve declared war on Serbia sooner if that’s what it wished to do. Russia, please stay out of the Balkans then and forever). but does my irrational hatred of Wilhelm blind me to this truth when I see his stupid face and that ugly fucking mustache that I wish to yank off? my god, yes. I see him and Rule Britannia and The Yanks Are Coming start playing so loud in my head and I’m like ‘yeah, the kaiser’s gonna pay.’ I’m sorry that Bismarck’s ego was bigger than yours but did you have to prove him right by getting incompetent buffoons who were playing checkers when he set the board up for chess to replace him? Did you have to prove Freud right by displacing private problems onto public life with your little tit-for-tat with George IV (VI?) because his mummy loved you more? Why did you need to fuck every naval vessel you saw like an inferior of Peter the Great who believed he was Sir Francis Drake? but that’s just the first war and he lived to see things setting up for the second. wasn’t in convenient for you to be close with the N@zis when you thought they might want a king back on the throne and you could reclaim your little tyrant. like every goddamn Prussian conservative or Junker, you thought you could play the tyrannical cockroach. sure, you figured out earlier that he was no pal, but you still collaborated and you still allowed yourself to get played like the weak man of conscience you are. cheers!

Friedrich Wilhelm I: ladies and gentleman, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the biggest bastard straight outta Berlin, FW1! and who doesn’t love an abusive father? who doesn’t love a man, so insecure and pathetic, that he needs to terrorize children to be able to look at himself and have a little pride. I understand that it was because he wanted his kids, specifically Fritz, to be best. but being best and perfect meant being miniature versions of him and aren’t we supposed to want our children to be better than a carbon-copy of a small man? honestly, I could live with the occasional smack for this time period. it’s within the norm and, while horrible, isn’t irreparably damaging. this guy really had to beat the shit out of Fritz and Wilhelmina and I’m sure Augustus and Henry and Amalia and all the others (so many kids) didn’t get spared either because if you hit one, you’ll hit ‘em all. and I judge them for their flaws all the same but, for some of them, it gets hard to. because what fighting chance did they have when their father was telling them how worthless they were and beating them senseless and threatening death and life imprisonment on some? I’m constantly impressed by Henry and Fritz and Wilhelmina for amounting to any semblance of maturity, even though it’s always fleeting, because this man didn’t give them the tools to be functioning adults. but each of them managed to be greater than their father, as did Amalia managing a really cool coup in Sweden. and what did FW1 get? he built up his army, had a tall guy fetish, increased the treasury, and made the cabinet and executive offices more efficient. there used to be this one guy on here that would argue that that was all a good king made and that this lowlife didn’t deserve the contempt he got by some on here (an obvious vague of me) for his behavior as a father. and maybe I’m a crackpot, but I believe the quality of a man outshines all those other achievements and that that’s meaningless to me, in my personal life. and when I get to hell, before I go to any of these other men, I’ll go to him and ask him how hell’s fires feel because, if his God was real, it would never love him. and that’s beautiful

#i just wanted to give you guys the mental image of ol maggie doing lines of coke #i dont like her i just like to give nicknames to all my enemies #makes them uncomfortable #im very tipsy so this is weird #i apologize #but i hope its kinda funny and enjoyable #frederick the great #old fritz #the name frederick officially looks meaningless to me #frederick william i #frederick i #frederick iii #frederick william ii #frederick william iii #frederick william iv #wilhelm i #wilhelm ii #prussian shitposting

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eleanor-writes-stuff · 5 years

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keep calm and let HR handle it [IV/VI]

Rey managed to go a full year without ever directly interacting with her new CEO, but now it seems like he’s dropping by her office every single week.

(Because what else is a love-struck fool to do when he falls for his head of HR other than find reasons to visit her department?)

OR: five times Ben gets summoned down to HR, and one time Rey gets called into the CEO’s office, based on this prompt from @optimisticsprinkles: “Rey as the director of HR at [office] and Kylo/Ben starts finding reasons to be sent down to HR”.

On the second anniversary of Han’s death, Rey is contacted by multiple concerned parties regarding the well-being of one Ben Solo, CEO. Hurt/comfort (of the touchy and cuddly kind) ensues.

Chapter 3 Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe check out my Twitter and Ko-fi?

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Meeting?

Hey Ben,

Would you mind dropping by for a quick meeting today? I’m free all day, so just come by whenever you can.

Warm regards, Rey Niima, Head of Human Resources, The Organa Foundation.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Meeting?

Hi Rey,

I’m always happy to visit, but I feel like I should ask… what did I do this time?

Best regards, Ben Solo, Chief Executive Officer, The Organa Foundation.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Meeting?

Nothing bad, I promise. Just thought you might want to talk.

(And before you ask: no, Mitaka wasn’t the one to tattle on you. Don’t scare him!)

Warm regards, Rey Niima, Head of Human Resources, The Organa Foundation.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Meeting?

I’ll be there in half an hour.

Best regards, Ben Solo, Chief Executive Officer, The Organa Foundation.

“So if Mitaka wasn’t the one to tattle,” Ben says as he walks into her office, forgoing his usual knock, “who was?”

Rey is still consumed by indecision and doubt as he walks to her, but one look at him and she’s sure she made the right choice to call him into her office. The smile he’s giving her doesn’t reach his eyes, and the way he seems to almost collapse into the chair she’s begun to think of as his fills her with concern.

I don’t know, he just seems off, Finn had said with a frown at lunch.

At least you’ve actually seen him, Jessika had replied. He’s been so quiet I was beginning to wonder if he even came in today.

She’s almost ashamed that it had taken Poe’s reminder for her and the others to put all the pieces together. Go easy on him, it’s a tough day.

Tough might be the understatement of the century, given that today is the second anniversary of Han’s death.

Rey takes a moment to brace herself for the conversation ahead before she offers him a small smile. “Let’s just say it was a number of concerned parties.”

“I figured you take your job seriously, but I didn’t realize you’ve gone to the extent of setting up a network of spies to check on everyone’s wellbeing,” Ben teases, but there’s no hiding the hollowness in his voice, the dull look in his eyes, the quivering curve of his lips as if they’re shaking from the strain of maintaining his smile.

“Not everyone,” Rey tells him, and leaves it at that for him to make of it what he will. She’s not quite sure what to make of it herself, the fact that everyone had seen fit to bring their concerns about Ben to her and unanimously decide that she’s the only one qualified to reach out to him on this day.

Whatever the hidden message is, he seems to get it.

Slowly, inevitably, Ben collapses under the strain of his act. It’s a heartbreaking, intimate thing to witness: how his mask gives way to barely-concealed pain, how his shoulders slump in defeat, how he leans forward as if to reach out for her.

“You know what today is, don’t you?” he murmurs, resting his loosely knitted-together hands on her table.

Rey moves closer and reaches across the desk to curl one hand above his. “I do.”

He closes his eyes, draws a shaky breath, and slowly exhales before meeting her eye. “Do you know what happened? The real story, not the one they told everyone else,” he clarifies, and at this point Rey really shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

The official version of events, the one that claims legendary F1 driver Han Solo had somehow lost control of his car on a rainy night and fatally crashed into a tree, should never have held up to scrutiny. But everyone had been too busy mourning his loss and adjusting to his absence to linger on the cruel twist of fate that had taken him then, and no one has been in the mood to poke at barely-healed wounds since.

“No,” she says quietly; unnecessarily if the look on Ben’s face is anything to go by. He nods before she’s even really formed the word, just one tiny, tired dip of his head.

“Barely anyone has,” he whispers. “And only once from me, just enough for my mom to know that… to know that it’s my fault, that I’m the reason–” He falters then, pulls his hands away from hers and brings them up to hide his face instead as his shoulders start to shake and a single, strangled cry rings out in the stillness of her office.

Her first instinct is to rush out of her chair and to his side, to take him into her arms and hold him close, but Rey hesitates. Even after all these weeks of getting to know each other and growing closer, even after a few happy hours spent curled up together while she shared painful details of her past, this is somehow still uncharted territory for them. Ben is open and honest with her, always has been since that very first day, but she’s never seen him vulnerable and hurting like this.

Rey wonders if anyone has in recent years, if Ben has anyone else in the world to hold him and comfort him. And that thought alone is enough to make her brush away her hesitance and go to him, offering him wordless comfort as she wraps her arms around his shoulders and lets him hide his tears in her embrace. She thinks she can feel every single drop of his anguish, scalding hot as they soak through her shirt while she cards one hand through his hair.

“I didn’t know,” Ben finally mumbles against her stomach. It takes him a little while longer to find the strength to pull away from her, and when he does her heart breaks for him all over again. He looks so young like this, with the sad eyes of a lost child drowning in his own grief. “I didn’t know he’d been drinking that night–”

Neither had she until this exact moment, but Rey keeps quiet.

“I didn’t even stop to think, about him or Mom or anyone else, I was just so focused on myself like always, I called him up because I’d finally seen the truth and I was so lost and scared and I needed him and a part of me just knew that he’d help me come home even after everything, that he’d do anything and everything for me…” Ben chokes on a sob, takes a moment to breathe while Rey tries to help him with little sounds of comfort and reassurance and support.

“Dad… Dad hated drunk drivers, always had,” he says, voice thin and shaky but there nonetheless. “He thought they were the most selfish, awful people on the road, for putting other people at risk like that. And no matter what everyone else said, no matter how they’d try to goad or trick or flatter him into driving, surely the great Han Solo can’t be defeated by just a couple beers– no matter what, he never, ever drove under the influence… until that night. Until me and my selfish call and the fucking mess I’d made and dragged him into–”

He’s shaking again, but not from sorrow this time. Rey crouches down, cradles his face in her hands and keeps his eyes on hers. “Hey. Hey. Shh, just breathe. Don’t do this to yourself, Han wouldn’t have wanted–”

Ben shakes his head, but gently enough not to dislodge her grip. “You don’t understand, Rey. If it weren’t for me, he would never have gotten on the road that night. If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t be dead. But I called him and he didn’t even stop to ask questions, didn’t even hesitate, just promised me that everything was going to be okay, that he’d be there right away–”

She doesn’t need Ben to finish the story, not that he seems capable of it right now. They know how the story ends; everyone knows the ending even if they don’t know the rest of it.

Han never made it.

“I waited on the curb outside my office for an hour,” he says – quieter now, darker now. “One whole hour, and I never once thought to worry about him, I was so fucking trapped in my own mind. I spent an hour cursing my father out for failing me once again, and all the while he was dying because of me.��

The pain in Ben’s voice is palpable, but the hatred… the hatred is unbearable.

“Ben.” She tightens her grip on him, looks him straight in the eye even as her vision swims with tears. “Ben, listen to me: Han… god, I hate saying this, but Han didn’t have much time left and we all knew it. We did,” she insists when he begins to shake his head. “You know better than anyone else the kind of shit he got up to when he was younger, the kind of shit he kept doing even after he’d grown far too old for it. The man had two heart attacks in two years, Ben, Christ, it was a miracle he even lived through the first one, let alone the second.”

When she’d told Han as much the day she went to visit him in the hospital despite his protests, he’d laughed weakly and told her that his whole damn life was a miracle, that he’d been living on borrowed time since the day he was born and one of these days, kid, one of these days…

“There was nothing any of us – not you, not me, not Leia, not even the best doctors in the world – none of us could have done anything,” Rey says, as much for Ben’s benefit as her own. And for the very first time, she believes it, accepts it, makes her peace with it. It’s the only way she can encourage Ben to do the same. “But you know what you did do?”

“Other than speed up his death?” Ben mutters darkly, almost petulantly as he tries his best to avoid her eyes. Rey gives him a little pinch on his cheek for that, and nearly laughs at the stupefied look he gives her for it.

“We’ll have none of that, or I’ll go for the other cheek,” she warns him, lips twitching with amusement despite herself. “And no, that’s not it. Ben,” Rey softens, slides her hands into his hair and finally gives into the smile tugging at her lips. “Ben, you gave him the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world: you gave him his son back.”

“But I–”

Rey shakes her head, pulls him back from the edge before he can drown again. “I spent a lot of time with your parents – you already know why.” He’d unlocked that level of Tragic Backstory just two weeks ago, after Finn and Poe bought everyone several rounds of drinks to celebrate their decision to finally move in together after working through their ridiculous fight from last month. “And all they wanted, the both of them, was for you to come home. You came home that night, Ben. The second you made that call and reached out to him, you came home.”

She waits for the tears to come, his and hers both, but Ben just stares at her instead, lips parted with no words to speak, eyes gleaming with something other than tears.

God, the way he’s looking up at her right now…

Rey finally gives into the urge to pull him close, to rest her forehead against his and just smile. “Ben, if he could see you today… I promise you, he’d be so proud, and happy, and he wouldn’t regret a single thing, Ben. Not if this is what it all led to.”

It’s not easy, resisting the urge to open her eyes and see if she’s getting through to him, but Rey chooses to trust in the truth, to believe in Ben. She stays still instead, patiently waiting for him to let her know what he needs. It doesn’t take long for him to lower his head and tuck himself under her chin, for him to curl into her waiting arms and just… stay there, for what feels like a lifetime.

But this time, his tears don’t hurt.

They heal.

. . .

Oops, looks like we hit an unexpectedly rough path of angst there. Sorry about that, but I can promise it's all smooth sailing ahead! Only two chapters left, so not much of a surprise really.

Until next time: thank you all for reading, thank you so much for your encouragement and support, and please do like/reblog/comment if you liked this chapter despite the angst!

#reylo #rey x ben solo #rey/ben solo #rey/kylo ren #reyben #star wars #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #my fics #fic: HR

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zephyr-94 · 5 years

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barista!jaemin

inspired by the one and only, puff live!

a/n: this is my first ever fic omg pls spare me with my low writing skills cause ive literally never done this fjskdjdhjdks okay i just love na jaemin periodt. (after writing: ITS VERY JUMPY AND LENGTHY I DIDNT PLAN TO MAKE IT LIKE THIS DJSKJSJSS)

so like your aunt owns a cafe which is in the middle of the city

and you live a lil outside just cause you know, school n shit

you visit her so often cause its a small cafe and it calms you down whenyou need a short break from everything

its weird thats its in the middle of the city but its still calming right?

well okay so like you know those small streets down the neighbourhoods?

the ones you dont really go unless you are rlly feeling adventurous n shit, your aunt’s cafe is in one of those streets

okay longass context down

and at school, you are in a photography club,,, or technically you just learn photography from your teacher after school but its not a whole club extravaganza

just cause your school kinda demands an extra curricular after the first year

but it feels really suffocating to be forced to do smth as a group/with people you arent as familiar with,,,,

so you “signed up” for the smallest club: [photography theory]

it was about time you start doing your hobby-ish thing at school and the tutor was cool with you being practically the only student in the club lmao so everything was going well but

youve never rlly done anything big yourself and your school friends havent pushed you to do smth either

so you were kind of looking to at least take part in one out-of-class project initiated by students maybe

and theres this big school newspaper club/writers’ club,,,, and you find out that they are like !! photographers & stories wanted !!

and you ?? at first but apparently its a project where like students get to submit their fav pic & write a mini article about “your place of comfort”

cause the topic of the month is mental health/dealing with stress and the newspaper club wants a students’ view on it, instead of just “meditation” as a topic

then you just have that cafe in your mind like,,, how you would love to shoot the street light shining into the cafe from afar and how calm that place makes you feel,,,

basically you just love your auntie’s cafe lmao

so then you go on about maybe joining it,,, but then you be indecisive cause youve never actually taken a photo professionally you just have a prolonging passion for it,,,

and your teacher is like “y/n idk why you are contemplating no ones gonna judge you just try smth new, go take the chance if you are feeling like it”

we love a supportive johnny, oh yes your english teacher is your photography “club” tutor,,, self proclaimed club

actually there have been many opportunities in the past with taking photos for projects like this one but you just stayed away cause it didnt “motivate” you to take photos for it

so johnny’s words kinda pushed your back n you felt like this was the right thing :))

so then you visit your auntie on the weekends asking maybe if you can take pics & ask her a couple questions about this place

and shes like ofc!! wanna see how you capture this place :))

so then you do this whole process and you submit the article & photos,,,,,

which ends up getting a whole page???

and you are like wh a t

newspaper club: oh you submitted many such pretty pictures & your comment felt very genuine

and you :)) but damn a whole page,,,, you is a lil anxious djskdjdh now the entire schools now going to know you

johnny the hype man teacher: see i told you it was going to turn out nice

and then kaboom, your article lowkey blows up lmao

your auntie is calling you up like “y/n!! so many customers came today!! and a lot of them are wearing the same uniform as you, they must be the students from your school!!”

and shes so happy so you are happy af

but then you remember like,,,, shes never had a part timer,,,,,

and she continues to manage the place by herself after it gets popular among the students,,,,

?? auntie,,, you never take a break ??

shes like maybe ill think about hiring someone?? and you are like, that would be good for you :)) i will be less worried about your health!!

whoop guess who got hired

and after youve had that^ conv, you had constant classes n group projects n shit so you literally had no time,,,

two weeks later, kinda highkey stressed

you decide to go make a quick visit to auntie before going to the library to study

and you peek,,, to see not your auntie,,,,

but a boy??

just standing behind the counter,,, no auntie to be seen but a beautiful boy???

before the opening hours,,,, he?? must be the part timer,,,

and once he notices you by the door,

he just smiles at you,,, so brightly,,,,

wow youve never seen such a pretty face,,,

you actually like forget to open the door you are just staring from outside the cafe,,,,

and he just waves,,, and you snap back to reality like oh shit did i just stare at someone for a solid minute

welp that was embarrassing djkdjdfj

he opens the door for you and goes “hey you must be y/n :))”

“the only person who comes before 9am, thats you isnt it?”

and you just ?¿ confusion??¿

“auntie told me about it :)) hi, nice to meet you, im jaemin!!”

you are still confused but you just shake hands next to the counter,,,

and as you take a seat

jaemin just makes a smol run to the other side and hes like

“you came just in time, i want you to try my latte!!”

jaemin serves a cup of latte with a leaf art

this boy just served a latte first thing after shaking hands i-

you take a sip from the cup

and you are like,,, so auntie hired an experienced boy,,,,

“its really good,,,” it has the same comforting taste you always love

and jaemin just has the biggest smile :)))) you know his smile where the ends just curl in, yes that one

him beaming like that just makes you giggly inside,,,,

you ask him “so uh um im guessing you are the part timer??”

“yes!! i didnt introduce myself properly did i! i started working here two weeks ago :))

ive been coming here for quite a while now so im happy i got the chance!!”

and you ?¿ “ive never seen you here??” you are the most frequent customer youve gotta have seen him before fjsksj

hes like “oh um i always came at 9pm on a friday, after everyone leaves and the whole neighbourhood gets quiet”

you just :o

and come to think of it, you’ve never visited here on a friday night,, cause you know, friday evening is your im not doing anything tonight kinda me time lmao

inside you are kinda happy that someone who knows this place got hired like its a special place to you so

tbh you were kinda anxious even though you trust your aunt,,,,,

and jaemin hurriedly goes “oh and also auntie is taking a break today, shes out to the market so im gonna take over until she returns in the afternoon”

djskdj auntie why didnt she tell you lmao

“im sorry if you needed anything specific from her,,, you should stay for a while until she comes back maybe?”

and you are like,,, “oh that would be great,,, but unfortunately i have to go to the library,,,,”

jaemin: ): he pout

“im so glad you came today tho!! i wanted to see you :) auntie has told so many thing about you”

“wait,, what has she told you,, omg”

apparently shes told jaemin

a) reason why this cafe recently became a popular hideout cafe for students because you wrote a school article bout it

b) that you do photography

c) and that this cafe is your break time so you never study here and auntie loves listening to you talk about school n what not

and then you are like !!

“wait so then you dont go to our school ,,,um are you also a student?”

and you panic a little cause i mean you just met him but you literally know nothing and you mightve assumed things fjsksj

and jaemin tells you “ah yes i go to a hospitality school downtown” “ohh”

and from there he just starts talking about his school and what he studies

he asks you about school but jaemin is extra excited about his hospitality course hes all !! :))!!

and you are so hooked on jaemin talking about his school you forget an hour passes by,,,,

[time to open the cafe]

then the customers start coming in

and you are like “oh sorry ive just bothered you during the preparation time,,,,, it was nice meeting you!! gotta go now :))”

and you rush out cause all you planned to do was give your auntie a little visit

also you dont want to bother jaemin cause its hes gonna handle the place alone for a couple hours

you wave a smol see you soon and

jaemin just does a little chuckle,, and hes like waving so widely fjsksj does he know other people can see him

and thats how your first day with jaemin went

later that day you return home thinking like,,, did you just get so excited to converse with someone who you juSt met,,,

na jaemin’s power

and jaemin on the other hand, is thinking about how beautiful you looked today

just that short while but it made him so happy

hes thinking about you all week uwu

so next week you visit again, expecting to see your auntie

and maybe also that gleaming boy

peeking through before the opening hours

the moment jaemin realises you hes like “y/n!!” what a shining boy

and aunties like “oh y/n right you met him last week when i was out right”

that morning you just talk to auntie about what shes been missing on after you went on a busy week

mind that jaemin is literally just listening to you & auntie talk

and he enjoys it cause you talk so comfortably in front of her :))

you decide to stay the whole day to give yourself a break

which meant you moved to your usual spot by the window

and auntie serving you (free) vanilla latte

you take out your camera and just start adjusting the lenses, trying to find the right frame

customers come and go so you dont get to talk to jaemin a lot that day

but its not like you came here for him,,,, right?¿??¿??

while you were thinking all that

jaemin was asking about you all day like

“so y/n’s favourite is vanilla?”

“does y/n prefer a latte over cappuccino?”

“i want to serve y/n something,,,, what would be the best??”

auntie: how many times did he mention y/n today omg

and as auntie answers

jaemin is thinking like

i wanna see y/n smile

and the entire day your auntie is like !!he :)))))

lmao same auntie same

so when the peak hours finish she goes

“i can take care of everything now, go talk to y/n”

and jaemin just smiles brighter than ever

so when he comes around, you startle

but it puts a smile on your face

because hes brought your favourite cake and just a smiling jaemin in front of you uwu

you both get to know more about each other like

how theres this two boys named chenle & jisung in the preparatory course whom he adores to death

or like

theres this jeno boy whose jokes suck jeno i love you

with a bonus of

you talking about how johnny’s english class is nothing but a comedian’s lesson

so that day went great

and now that you are comfortable

you visit the cafe to talk with jaemin more

even when you have a chill no stress week

it just makes you feel lighter by coming to the cafe now

and your auntie is hella happy that you two are getting along so well

it continues for weeks

just you and jaemin talking from time to time when the peak hours are over or before the cafe opens

you became best pals basically

he encouraged you to join more school projects cause hes sure your photography is worth the chance

you giving him daily support when he feels like he isnt doing the best for his course

sometimes when your aunt had to leave for a couple hours near closing time

you two just stayed there talking for a couple hours giving comfort to each other

late night lattes and cakes

also one time you got so excited from the bestest grades you got you might have hugged him without thinking oops

and one day, jaemin’s friend renjun is there when you come after school

and hes like “hi uh dont mind me im just here a bit because jaemin has to go somewhere after this and i dont want him to be late”

so you just,,, chill as jaemin kinda rushes

and when he goes to the storage room, you just see renjun getting along with the auntie lmao

auntie: “so i got offered this contract with the new type of beans? and idk if i should take it because that would mean i have to go out of the city,,,,”

renjun: “for how long?”

auntie: “two weeks maybe”

renjun: “oh thats fine, dont worry about it. jaemin can take over that. next two weeks right? his mandatory work experience ends this week”

so thats how renjun signed jaemin up to work alone for auntie without his consent

and aunties like “y/n!! it would be so much for just jaemin, you should help him :) your break starts next week right?”

so you also got signed up to this thing

fast forward to first day of break

aka the first time you “work” there

you are nervous and jaemin can feel it

“dont worry y/n, ill do all the talking and coffee, you just have to serve & clean!!”

so you try to calm down a bit

not to mention that you are also nervous cause its only jaemin and you in the room

but then he sees you fumbling with tying the apron and

jaemin says “here, give it, ill do it for you” while smiling a little

and from the back he wraps the apron around your waist,,,

and hes so close to you,,, your heart is fluttering

okay heart stop beating so fast pls thank you

and little do you know,,, jaemin is flushing a bit behind your back,,,

you are both the cutest mess

and you break the silence with a smol

“thanks :))”

trying to contain yourself from screaming

adapting to the serving side & keeping youself busy

you dont realise jaemin is literally admiring you the entire time as you get used to the job,,,,

here and then you forget how close you might be standing next to jaemin,,,

you kinda also realise how rEALLY attractive he looks serving everyone with a huge smile 24/7

and the way some customers are obviously attracted to him,,,,

but what you dont know is he is literally taking this chance to highkey flirt with you lmao

waves (sometimes winks) across the room

causally hovers over you when you cant find/reach smth

beaming the biggest smile every minute he gets to himself

and at first you panicked like ?!????

cause was this jaemin boy holding back for a whole month

is this his nature yes

but it makes you so happy to see him smiling all the time beside you

so jaemin yes its working

you gotta admit tho his flirty-ish behaviour grew on you this entire week djskjssj

a week of giggly smiles uwu

but the week after was unexpectedly the busiest of the busiest

you two forgot national holidays collided with the weekends and for some, it was a week off,,,,,,

so the week rushes by so quickly compared to the last one

it kind saved you tho cause your heart cant take more of that flirty behaviour

and finally,

the peak days are over,,,

and you realise its been a while since the cafe was just you,,,, and well jaemin but just no customers

the silence with faint sounds of cups cluttering,,,, you missed it

so then you go sit on the high chair

just admiring jaemin organise the shelves

he starts to prepare a new cup of coffee then realises you smiling at him “were you in awe at how effortless i look right now??”

you chuckle at his remark,,,

(needless to say that your are chuckling to hide how your heart is melting at his smirky smile)

so you twirl a bit shyly,, and avert the gaze to the familiar wood of the counter

asking him “do you remember the day we first saw each other, me sitting here and you serving the latte?”

“ofc, its the day i met an angel”

oh so confidently na jaemin really just said that

you quickly look up at him like !!!?!???!

and thats how he earned a first kiss (or rather a peck) from you

leaning over the counter and pecking you, a whole blushy mess

then comes a clink by the door

you juMp,,,,,,,

oof the customer may or may not have seen you two

you both rush around flushed like a tomato lmao

spending the rest of the day like nothing happened oops

and after the day ends, you two close the cafe

as you starting walking you are caught off guard when

jaemin just takes your hand,,,

“look y/n!! the stars are so pretty!!”

and starts swinging your arm like a tall child,,,

your heart is skippingnsjsjsjs

then at the corner, jaemin turns around and goes

“this is actually the place i first saw you”

and you ??¿?¿¿

“i saw you taking the photo of this night light shining into the cafe”

still hand in hand, jaemin steps a little closer

and takes his free hand to cup your face, kissing you,,,,

you smile into him as he kisses so softly, thinking

maybe the day i took that photo was a friday night

and melting into the kiss, you really think you are dreaming,,,,,

under the lights you once wished capturing a sparkling moment with the cafe in the back

its now you and jaemin in the frame,,,,

the boy who had you forgetting to breathe a month ago

whos now serving your favourite latte with a bonus of pecks on the cheek,,,,, (maybe on the lips if theres no one watching)

anyways

jaemin brings light to your life and you have never been this happy until you met him uwu

and it goes both ways, jaemin cant live without you now,,,, you are the best thing thats ever happened to him

(thank the heavens & your auntie)

oh and also johnny for pushing you to submit that article lmao plus huang renjun for that involuntary sign up

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