#ive seen them in similar situations since (the last time was a few weeks ago) but this with the rosebush between is still my favourite. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsapeterthing · 3 years

Text

Milestone || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: a journey through some of the biggest milestones in yours and bucky’s relationship from the day you first met to sharing a home of your own

a/n: in this we’re gonna pretend that bucky didn’t get dusted! also reader has powers similar to those of wanda’s. reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: none, fluff

masterlist || request || taglist

The First Time You Met

Running down the hallway of the airport, you watched as Peter was swept off of his feet and into the air by none other than Falcon, leaving the man you recognized as the Winter Soldier in your midst. Your shoes squeaking against the floor as you stopped short, you threw your arms into the air, stopping the man from moving.

Snapping his attention towards you, he furrowed his eyebrows and you could feel him fighting against your magic. Squeezing your eyes shut you tried your hardest to keep him contained but with only so much experience, he broke through it in a minute, coming for you straight after.

“Shit.” You cursed to yourself, watching as he strode over to you.

Clasping your hands together before pulling them apart, you created a baton of sorts in just enough time to hold it in front of yourself as Bucky cornered you into a wall. Pushing him back with the beam, you grunted, trying your hardest to keep the magic from dying out.

“You’re not very good at this.” He commented, attempting to pull the magical beam from your hands.

“I’m...” You grunted. “.... new.”

Using all of your force, you shoved him back. Taking the first opportunity you saw, you began shooting blasts of magic at him while he stumbled backwards. Attempting to dodge the blasts, he moved forward, putting his hands in the air.

“Look,” He said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Watching as he stumbled backwards, closer to a ledge, you halted the blasts, tilting your head sideways.

“Lucky me.”

As soon as the words fell from your mouth, you used the rest of your force, swinging your arms backwards and then pushing forward to shove him through the railing and over the edge, his eyes wide as he fell backwards. When he fell, he took the Falcon with him.

Glancing up above, you saw Peter, shooting a web to hold the two men to the ground. Feeling the energy in your palms, you floated down to the floor they were held to, standing above them.

“Look guys, I would love to keep this up but I’ve only got one job here today and I’ve gotta impress Mr. Stark, so I’m really sorry-” You watched as the drone took Peter’s web and pulled him through the window cutting him short, Peter screaming as it did.

Turning back to the men, you pulled the hood of your cloak over your head.

“Don’t worry about the drone thing,” You said. “I know when to see myself out.”

Turning to make your way towards the exit of the airport, you heard Bucky call from behind you.

“Hey!” He shouted. “Who are you?”

Bucky didn’t know why he was asking. He could barely even remember facts about himself, never mind keep track of every super human person he came across, but there was something nagging in his mind, begging him to learn more.

Glancing over your shoulder, looking at the Winter Soldier one last time, you smirked.

“Y/n.”

And with that you left the airport.

First Touch

The hatch to the ship opening, you stumbled down the steps, gripping Nebula’s arm to keep your balance. As Steve took hold of Tony, Pepper rushing to his side, you looked up to find the familiar face of Rhodey making his way towards you.

“I chose the wrong day to go see who Dr. Strange was.” You chuckled somberly, trying to make light of the situation.

Grabbing your arm to steady you as you slowly walked down the steps, Rhodey shook his head.

“The fight wasn't much better back here.” He said. “At least we had oxygen though. You’re not looking so good, kid.”

Too afraid to have looked at your deteriorating reflection the past three weeks, you knew he was being too kind.

It had been nearly three weeks since Thanos snapped away a half of the universe’s population, leaving you, Tony and Nebula stranded in space. You had run out of fuel weeks ago and had nearly lost hope of ever returning home as the oxygen supply began dwindling until Captain Marvel had found your ship and brought you all safely back to the Avengers Compound.

Despite being back, three weeks in space had left you exhausted, starving and dehydrated- just to name a few.

Biting back the dizziness you felt, you sighed.

“I’m- I’m fine, Rhodes.” You said, beginning to feel lightheaded. “It’s nothing-”

Missing your footing on the step, you tripped, losing your balance from Rhodey, about to hit the ground until you felt an arm wrap around your torso and the cool touch of metal grasp your hand. Looking up, you were met with the familiar face of the man you had fought two years ago at the airport in Germany, his hair cut shorter since the last time you had seen him, but recognizable nonetheless.

“Bucky Barnes?” You asked, standing up straighter with his assistance.

“Y/n.” He replied, shooting you a gentle smile.

Although you had what many would consider super-human abilities with your magic, due to being discovered after the civil war between the Avengers that had effectively split up the group- you weren't used to being recognized. Hearing your name fall from his lips felt somewhat gratifying.

“You remember my name?” You asked in disbelief

“Hard to forget the name of the woman who kicked my ass.” Bucky chuckled, helping you walk towards the doors of the Compound. “Doesn't happen often.”

For the first time in weeks you allowed yourself to smile as you gazed up at the man holding you steady, making sure you didn’t fall. When his blue eyes met yours, you adverted your gaze, turning your attention towards Natasha who wheeled a wheelchair through the doors of the Compound and towards the two of you.

Moving his flesh hand to rest on your lower back, his vibranium one still in yours, he helped you slowly ease into the chair. When you sat back in the chair, resting your feet on the footrests, you looked up at the super soldier and smiled.

“Not looking for a rematch are you?” You asked, slipping your hand out of his and resting it on your abdomen. “‘Cause I think I’m gonna need a raincheck.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he laughed shaking his head.

“No, I think I’m done with fighting.” He said.

Feeling Natasha pulling back on the wheelchair, about to spin your chair around and towards the doors, you threw him one last smile.

“That makes two of us.”

Just when Bucky was about to turn around and walk away as Nat wheeled you through the doors, the chair stopped and he watched as you glanced over your shoulder.

“And Sarge?” You called.

“Yeah?”

“I like the new arm.”

For the first time in decades, Bucky felt heat rise to his cheeks as he watched you tiredly speak to Natasha until you left his line of sight.

First Kiss

It had taken you nearly a month to recover from your time in space since returning back to Earth. Although you understood that there wasn’t much to be done since Thanos had wiped out half of the universe, you still felt guilty taking up space in the Compound when all you would do was lay in bed, attached to an IV.

The one thing that made your time on bedrest a little more bearable was none other than Bucky Barnes.

Throughout your stay in bed he had consistently visited you. Though at first he was a bit shy, you had proven to be someone he could trust- assuring him that he could never be a bother to you and that you genuinely enjoyed having his company- maybe a bit too much, but you would never tell him that.

Bucky himself was surprised that he had put himself so out there with you after living such a solitary life for nearly the past 80 years, but there was just something about you that drew him to you time and time again. He couldn’t pinpoint it- whether it was your kindness, humor or intelligence- he found both joy and peace in your presence- something he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be in.

So, despite the voice in the back of his head telling him that you didn’t want to see him, he had visited you while you got better in bed, taking care of you in the littlest of ways until he watched the dark circles under your eyes fade away and your ability to walk without his assistance return.

Finally feeling somewhat better, you had insisted to bucky that you were ready to train again and no matter how many times he tried to convince you that you weren’t, he could never say no once you squeezed his hand and pouted up at him.

He was regretting not saying no to you as he now stood across from you in the training room.

“Y/n, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” He said, watching you sway in your spot despite your feet being planted to the mat.

“C’mon Barnes,” You taunted, raising your hands. “You scared?”

Just as he was about to open his mouth again, you shot a blast of magic towards him, Bucky dodging it just as it whooshed past his head.

“I wasn’t even ready!” Bucky exclaimed.

Shrugging your shoulders you formed another beam made of magic, holding either ends of it with your hands as Bucky came towards you.

Trying to plant your feet to the ground, feeling another hit of dizziness wash over you, you pushed him back with the beam, but before you could do anything more, his leg swept under yours, making you lose your balance.

Before you fell to the ground, however, the magic in your hands diminished as you gripped your hands into Bucky’s shirt bringing him down with you.

Flipping over before you fell, you landed on top of the super soldier, your hands planted firmly on his chest. With his hands above his head that was inches away from yours, you both stared at each other- you finally noticing just how much you liked the scruff that coated his jawline and him admiring the color of your eyes and how he swore he could lose himself in them if only he had the chance.

Opening your mouth, you felt the thumping of Bucky’s heart against your fingertips that were resting on his chest as he gazed up at you.

“Your heart is beating really fast.” You whispered, out of breath despite you barely having trained.

“Yeah, it does that when I see you.”

You could barely believe what you were hearing until you felt Bucky’s hands come up and cup your face, glancing down at your lips before back to your eyes, asking wordlessly for your approval.

Unable to form a coherent sentence, you eagerly nodded back at him.

Before you could even process it, you felt Bucky’s lips meeting yours as he pulled you into a kiss, his hands moving from cupping your face to wrapping around your body, pulling you tight against him. All you could remember thinking was that despite his tough exterior, his lips were soft and you could lose yourself in the comfort of having his arms around you all day if he let you.

Pulling away first, a beaming smile spread across Bucky’s face as he rubbed circles against your back.

“If you wanted to kiss me so bad,” He teased. “You could’ve just asked.”

First “I Love You”

Sitting on the edge of the rooftop, your legs swinging in the air, you offered the bag of popcorn in your hand to your boyfriend who was sat beside you. Taking his eyes off of the view in front of him, he grabbed a fistful of the salty treat from the bag, popping it in his mouth.

“Did you have stuff like this back in the olden times?” You asked, laying your head on his shoulder.

“What?” He asked despite his mouth being full. “You mean fireworks? How old do you think I am?”

Laughing at how he mocked offense over your question, you sat up straight, pecking his cheek.

“One hundred doesn’t sound much better, babe.”

Rolling his eyes, knowing that you loved him anyway, he brushed off the remaining salt from his fingertips, wrapping his vibranium arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him.

Just as he pressed a gentle kiss against your temple, he jumped in his spot as he heard the loud sound of the first firework shooting up into the air over the water before “popping” and bursting into an array of color.

“Look!” You exclaimed, pointing towards the display. “It’s starting!”

Although he took a quick glance at the firework display, his attention was purely focused on you. He couldn’t help but admire the way the colorful lights reflected on your skin or how you had a hint of an open smile on your face watching as the fireworks burst midair. No show could compare to looking at you.

He couldn't help but feel his heart race in his chest, breath caught in his throat as he admired your beauty- even when you were still in your suit from watching over the parade with him earlier that evening. He was convinced there wasn’t a single thing about you that he wasn’t completely enamored with and you only gave him more reasons to love you every single day.

Before he even realized what he was saying, admiring you in complete bliss and utter awe, the words slipped out of his mouth.

“I love you.”

He thought you wouldn’t be able to hear, the sound of another firework popping ringing in his ear, but when you turned towards him, your eyes wide and mouth agape, he knew you had.

“Did you just say that you love me?” You asked, fireworks continuing to burst behind you.

Not one to lie- especially not to you- he nodded his head.

“Yeah.”

A smile beginning to form on your face, you grabbed the strap on his jacket, pulling him closer to you.

“I love you too.”

Leaning in, you pressed your lips against his, the sound of the finale of the display ringing behind you as the fireworks burst one after another in air, every color imaginable washing over your joined figures sitting on the edge of the rooftop on that cool summer night, almost as if it were taking the feeling shared between the two of you and bringing it to life for the world to see.

First Home

“Okay!” You nodded, pointing to the corner of your living room. “That one can go over there. Thank you so much for your help, Steve.”

“I helped Buck move into his first apartment, Y/n.” Steve said wiping his hands on his pants. “I wouldn’t miss stuff like this for anything.”

Smiling at Steve’s comment, you felt Bucky’s vibranium hand land on your lower back, pulling you closer. Leaning into his touch, you wrapped your arm around him in return, staring up at your boyfriend.

“Yeah and the first time he was about a foot shorter and a hundred pounds lighter.” Bucky chuckled. “This is easy for him.”

Watching Natasha set down the last box on top of a pile of the others in the kitchen, you excused yourself from your boyfriend and his best friend, making your way into the other room.

When you had left the two of them’s earshot, Bucky watching as you left, Steve rested his hand on Bucky's shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“You know,” Steve said. “I’m happy for you, Buck. I think this is gonna be good for you.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s comment- despite how cheesy it was- because he knew it was true.

When Bucky’s memory had finally been cleared, a part of him had always feared that even though he had been given a new chance at life, he would never have a normal one. Although he knew “normal” was a strong term for the life you two shared together given that he was a century old super soldier and you had magical abilities- you had given him a chance at a peaceful life full of love and contentment which was all he could ever dream of asking for.

The idea of finding love and having a family was something that he worried was left eighty years in the past, but you proved to him that life didn’t end for him when he fell from that train- if anything it brought him the beginning he had always hoped for.

“Sure you won’t miss me too bad, pal?” Bucky asked.

Taking his hand back from Bucky’s shoulder, Steve laughed shoving his hand in his pockets.

“No, I think I’m used to it by now.” Steve chuckled. “It’s just like you to be able to find a woman with shared life experience even when half the world disappears.”

Shaking his head at his friend’s joke, he shoved him playfully.

“C’mon, ya’know this is different.” Bucky said. “I think this is the last one for me.”

Without missing a beat, Steve smiled.

“I know.”

Hearing the sound of you and Natasha’s footsteps stepping back into the room, Bucky kept his mouth shut, feeling your hand run over his shoulder as you stood beside him.

“Don’t forget about me now that you have your own place, okay Y/n?” Nat said crossing her arms.

“Don’t worry.” You told her. “I’ll come visit every day.”

“Well, not every day-” Bucky interjected.

“No. I meant what I said. Every day, Nat. You’ll wish you never said anything.”

Once the laughter that had erupted in the room settled, Steve and Nat said their goodbyes to you and your boyfriend, you both waving them off as you shut the door behind them. When the door was shut and you and Bucky were left in your new apartment alone together, you rushed over to your bag by the door, pulling a neatly wrapped gift out of it.

“What’s this?” Bucky asked as you handed him the present.

“Just a little housewarming gift.” You smiled.

Gazing at your smiling face, a smile finding its way onto his, he looked down at the present in his hands, carefully tearing the paper off of the gift to reveal a framed photo of the two of you.

A framed photo of the two of you fighting in an airport three years ago on the day you first met.

“So, Tony had put a camera in Peter’s suit back before we went and fought you guys.” You explained. “And I thought it had to be gone since Peter was... you know... but it turned out that Tony still had the footage so I was able to find some from that day at the airport and in it there was this quick little shot of us fighting and I just had to have it, Buck.”

Flipping the frame around at you, he raised his eyebrows.

“A photo of us fighting?”

“Yes!” You told him. “Do you like it?”

Despite the fact that it was a photo of the two of you fighting- a fight that he had gotten his ass kicked in no less- he loved it more than anything else you could have possibly given him because it was the day he met you. It was the day his life changed and he didn’t even know it in the moment.

Although your story was far from “normal” it was your story and that’s what mattered the most to him.

“I love it, doll.” He said, pulling you into his embrace. “This is a crazy story to tell our kids though, huh?”

“All of them are.” You laughed into his chest. “But I wouldn't have it any other way, Buck. I love you.”

Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, a photograph of the day your story first began in his hand, he smiled.

“I love you too.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes blurb #Bucky Barnes drabble #bucky barnes fluff

831 notes · View notes

hermannsthumb · 4 years

Note

So I know you don't really write PRU things but how about PRU averting? Like when Newt starts to realize something is wrong he goes to Hermann for help?

this isn’t exactly what you wanted (at all) but the concept for this fic has been making me laugh all week. sometimes a bitch just wants to write a slightly unhinged jealous ex hermann unknowingly seducing aliens out of newt

safe for work except for some makeouts and implied past banging, but hermann tries very hard for it to not be. also ive definitely written similar plots before but who cares

—————

They send a ranger-in-training to break the news to Hermann. He’s not sure what they expected him to do, really, or how a teenager in oversized khakis might have prevented it in the first place. Rage? Cry? Break things? His relationship with Newton Geiszler has been highly publicized at this point, he supposes, down to every last gory detail; their scientific rivalry, their heated laboratory debates, their–er–rather dramatic love affair, which ended on a deeply sour note when Newton packed his bags and left Hermann for better funding and a swanky flat with more windows than walls seven years ago. As far as gossip is concerned, that is.

“Tomorrow?” Hermann says.

The ranger nods and says nothing. She’s awfully young–too young, Hermann thinks. And awfully afraid of him. Right, of course: he’s crotchety, daft old Dr. Gottlieb, notorious for his short temper and avoidance of socialization at all costs. He furrows his brow an appropriate amount and nods, as if to appear deeply consternated, or perhaps lost in brooding abstraction. “I see,” he says. “Hm. That wretched Dr. Geiszler, here, after so many years. The nerve of him. Thank you.”

The girl doesn’t move.

“Ah,” Hermann says. “Dismissed, I mean.”

Between the bare bones staff and Hermann’s incredibly low rank back in Hong Kong, he still hasn’t quite gotten used to the notion that he has things like interns and underlings again, let alone people who–when sent to deliver him a message, or paperwork, or lab equipment he submitted forms for–need to be explicitly dismissed to leave his presence. Newton would love it. Or, at the very least, he’d love teasing Hermann for it. (Control freak, that was what he’d call Hermann.)

Back in the safety and solitude of his private laboratory, Hermann brews a fresh pot of tea and mulls the news over. It’ll hardly be the first time Newton’s set foot at the Moyulan Shatterdome. It’ll hardly be the first time Hermann will have seen Newton since the Events of seven years ago, either. It will, however, be the first occasion on which the two collide: Newton always seems to schedule his routine Moyulan visits when Hermann is tucked safely away in some conference or council in some other bloody country, leaving their paths to cross at the most inane social events, banquets and fundraisers and black tie occasions that leave Hermann stifling under his collar and his leg aching from the strain of standing for so long.

Their words to each other in such situations have always been terse, brief, polite. Newton, after all, is a very important (and very rich) man these days, and he has plenty of elbows to bump and high society buggers to flatter without Hermann getting in his way. It’s pleasantries, is all. Lovely to see you, Dr. Geiszler. How’s work, Dr. Geiszler? The champagne is excellent, isn’t it, Dr. Geiszler? By Jove, it’s maddening. Just once Hermann would like to shout and snap at him like the good old days, to grab hold of that stupid bloody tie and shove him against a wall and kiss him, or bite him, or do anything that isn’t smile and pretend to care when he mentions that–that Alice floozy he’s shacking up with. And now, with Newton finally giving Hermann a window to meet in his own territory…

Hermann keeps a small volume of Newton’s early research on his desk–compiled long before he even knew the man–and he takes it out now, slipping a well-worn polaroid out from between its pages and propping it against his tea mug. Newton smiles out at him. “Horrible little man,” Hermann says, lovingly, and gently brushes his index finger against that handsome face.

He feigns a stomach bug to clock out of work early–fooling no one, of course, but his staff chalks it up sympathetically to the prospect of seeing his notorious ex tomorrow and says nothing–and makes a mad dash into town for a haircut and manicure. After some consideration, he pops into a clothing store for a new button-down, too. A nice one. One that fits him well. (You have a hot bod, dude, Newton would always say, you should be flaunting it.

No, no raging, or crying, or breaking things. It’s been seven years since Newton walked out on Hermann for a cushy job and designer suits, and Hermann has exactly one course of action in mind: winning him back.

——

Newton is not exactly as Hermann remembered. The changes in him are noticeable, and–for the most part, barring the loss of his glasses and personal sense of style–Hermann feels entirely neutral about them: hair more neatly tamed, stubble more neatly shaved, body ever-so-slightly more toned. Hermann seems to recall Newton saying something about CrossFit or some sort of damned exercise bike he bought at the last banquet they attended–lost ten pounds this past month! New Year’s Resolution, you know, ha, gotta stay in shape for Alice (and this was the point at which Hermann clenched his champagne flute so tightly it burst, and he excused himself to find a napkin with which to tend to his bleeding and a tall glass of whiskey from the open bar with which to tend to his agonies). Whatever it is, it seems to be working.

He manages to lure Newton out from under the thumb of his boss with vague claims of research, though Newton is not happy about it. “I got shit to do, man,” he complains. His eyes are inscrutable behind his expensive sunglasses. “It’s just not a good time. Busy, busy, busy, you know.”

They’ll have the laboratory to themselves, even more so than usual. I’ll need to have a few private words with Dr. Geiszler, Hermann had ominously announced to his staff that morning, and they’d all looked at each other in excitement. An infamous Geiszler-Gottlieb row! Hermann locks the door behind them.

“You poor dear,” Hermann says. “Running yourself ragged. You must be exhausted.”

Newton shrugs. “I am a little. I guess.” He shrugs again, and this time preens a little with it. Good: Hermann wants him nice and flattered. “It’s hard work being as important as I am, you know.”

“I imagine,” Hermann coos sympathetically. He brushes his hand across Newton’s shoulders, then nudges him at the small of his back towards his desk. “Please, Newt, I insist you have a seat. Would you like some coffee?”

“I mean, if you’re offering,” Newton says, waving him off.

The instant coffee is located on the middle shelf of Hermann’s bookcase, between a dusty variety box of Twinings and an elaborate kaiju action figure Newton left in their apartment when he walked out. Hermann spoons some into a chipped blue mug and watches Newton through the man’s reflection on the kettle. He leans back in Hermann’s desk chair; he rolls his shoulders; he pops open a button on his maroon suit coat; he spies something propped up on Hermann’s desk, and picks it up. The polaroid. Hermann ducks his head to hide his smile.

“Good times, huh, dude?” Newton says. He waves it in the air.

“Mm,” Hermann says.

He hands the mug of coffee over to Newton, who’s yet to put down the polaroid. Milk and plenty of sugar. Exactly the way Newton always used to take it. “There we are, dear,” he says. “Are you hungry? Might I get you anything to eat? I’ve plenty of biscuits, and, er...” He casts a guilty glance around the mess of his workspace. “...Oranges.”

“No thanks,” Newton says, but it’s vague, unconvincing. His eyes are locked on the photograph. “Good times,” he repeats.

“Nothing to eat at all?” Hermann says.

Newton shakes himself. “Nah,” he says, and pats his stomach. “On a diet. You know, for Alice.”

Ah, of course; Alice. The mystery woman Hermann despises the very existence of. For years after Newton first broke the news to Hermann he was seeing someone new, Hermann used to pour over magazine articles and gossip sites for even a glimpse of what she might look like (and for the chance to do something cathartic, like crop her angrily from a photograph with Newton or scribble over her face with a Sharpie). Probably horrendously ugly; possibly blonde; undoubtedly lacking taste, and humor, and any other sorts of qualities a mate worthy of Newton ought to possess. At the very least, Hermann knows she isn’t at all supportive of Newton in the way she should be. Every banquet and fundraiser, she’s too busy to come, every dinner invitation Hermann finally accepts so he may properly hate the woman, she must cancel at the very last minute due to some strange illness or another.

Privately, Hermann thinks she feels threatened by him. As she should be. He and Newton have been in each other’s heads, after all, wrote letters in their youth, shared a laboratory for years, shared a bed for longer than that. It’s a simple fact one will ever know Newton like Hermann knows him.

“Of course,” Hermann says, with icy kindness. “For Alice. How is she these days? I was ever so put out when she caught–what was it–influenza, yes, that night we were meant to dine together. And the time before that, with pneumonia. And laryngitis before that. Terrific bloody coincidences, aren’t they.”

(Sorry, dude, Newton said over the phone, not sounding very sorry, but rather quite distracted. She was probably in the room, egging on his lies. She's sick. Can’t see you after all. Rain check?)

“Yeah,” Newton says. He’s started to shake his leg up and down, a nervous tic Hermann is all too aware of, seeing as he’s picked it up himself after their drift. Along with an annoying tendency to hoard sentimental rubbish. “Coincidences. If I’m being honest, Hermann–I’m not too keen on you two–well.” A strange look crosses his face, replaced in a blink of an eye with a toothy smile. “Old flame and the new flame, it’d be awkward for everyone, y’know?”

“Especially for her, I’d imagine,” Hermann says, and then he swings himself down into Newton’s lap.

Newton goes very still; the photograph slips from his fingers and flutters to the floor. “Hermann?” he squeaks.

Dropping his cane, Hermann nuzzles his face into the crook of Newton’s neck and breathes deeply; the Newton of his memories smells of burnt coffee and the sharp tang of preservation chemicals, but the Newton of now smells more of expensive cologne than anything else. Hermann can’t say he likes it much, but he presses a small kiss there anyway, marveling at the lack of the scratchy stubble he remembers so well. “What–what are you doing?” Newton says.

Another kiss. Hermann slips a hand up to caress Newton’s jaw, and Newton shivers. “I should think it’s obvious,” Hermann says. “Mm. Come on, now, love, I know I can’t be the only one of us who’s been aching for this.”

“It’s,” Newton stammers, “I,” and his sturdy fingers grip Hermann’s waist, though he makes no move to shove him away. In fact, he only draws him closer. Marvelous. “I’ve got–someone, dude,” he says, gazing at Hermann between heavy eyelids. “Alice. I have–”

Hermann kisses him, pouring into it every ounce of longing he’s felt for the last seven years, and Newton melts against him with a moan. “But does she make you feel the way I do?” Hermann murmurs.

“Uh,” Newton says.

He swipes his tongue into Newton’s mouth, enjoying the sharp jolt that shoots through Newton when he brushes against his own tongue, and pulls back with a small bite at his bottom lip. Newton always liked when Hermann kissed him messily. “Do feel free to touch me,” he says.

Newton does: one hand leaves Hermann’s waist and inches up his side instead, pausing to shove one half of his lab coat off, then the other. The coat slips to the floor as well. Newton splays five fingers over Hermann’s right pectoral. “Nice shirt,” he says, sounding rather dazed. “Good color on you.”

“I’d hoped you like it,” Hermann says happily. “Remember what you always used to say, about flaunting it? I thought it was time I’d take your advice.”

“I do,” Newton says. “I do remember. Ha.” His face splits into a grin, one of the first truly Newton-esque ones Hermann’s seen on him in years, and Hermann feels a small flare of triumph. He catches the hand at his chest and draws it to his mouth, brushing a kiss over the knuckles. Newton’s tattoos, vibrant as ever, poke out from beneath one maroon sleeve.

Hermann remembers kissing those tattoos. He remembers tracing the shape of red-yellow waves with his fingertips, of pinching the eyes of the great kaiju splashed across his chest, of teasing Newton for his rather unadorned arse and how pale it was in comparison to the rest of him. You’re one to talk, buddy, Newton would say, and he’d deliver a playful smack to Hermann’s, all skin and bones, dude, I think I bruised my hand. He used to like to keep his glasses on in bed so he could see Hermann. Make sure it’s actually happening, he’d say. His sunglasses are folded uselessly on Hermann’s desk. “I could make you so loud,” Hermann says. “We’d get noise complaints. Remember?”

Newton nods, eyes fixed on the knuckles Hermann kissed.

“I knew exactly where to touch you,” Hermann says, dropping his voice, “and how to touch you. I still do, Newton.” Newton dissolves into whimpers when his neck is kissed, a certain spot by his left thigh pressed on with a thumb; when being made love to, he likes his sides stroked, fingers pressed against his tongue; when doing the love making, he likes his hair pulled, nails raked across his back.

“Please,” Newton says, his voice cracking. “Can you–?”

Hermann shoves that ugly maroon jacket to the floor, then winds that ugly tie around his fingers and gives Newton a sharp tug. Newton moans, twice as loud as before. “Yes, darling, of course.”

They kiss, Hermann making quick work of the buttons of Newton’s shirt, Newton seemingly too shy to do anything beyond grip Hermann’s shoulders. A pink blush is spreading from the tips of his cheeks down to his neck. It’s very sweet. “Hermann,” he says.

“Mm?”

Newton wets his lips. “You like when I do this,” he says, and gives Hermann’s ear a little tug.

(They’re so big, Newton would say, it’s adorable, you’re adorable, and Hermann would swat him away, but then Newton would kiss the shell of his ear, bite his earlobe, and Hermann would gasp, and sensitive! Newton would say, adorable, absolutely adorable.)

“They’re sensitive,” Newton says. “You like when I kiss them.” He grins again, though it slips away after a moment. “I think they’ll be looking for me soon.”

“You are so terribly important, after all,” Hermann says. “It’s a very good thing I’ve locked the door. I haven’t finished having my wicked way with you yet.”

This time, Newton laughs, though it’s an uncertain little thing. “Listen,” he says, strangely urgent, and he squeezes Hermann’s arm. “Don’t let me leave, okay?” Then he shakes his head. “Actually, no. Take me home with you. Away from–from work. And Alice. Yeah. Let’s go now.”

This is unexpected, though Hermann cannot deny it’s not exactly what he hoped would happen when his foolproof plan of seduction worked. He’s suddenly very pleased he made a few more stops after picking up his new shirt: first for a very expensive bottle of wine and the makings of a dinner the Newton of ten years ago loved, the next a rather discreet one for the sort of supplies they’d need to, er, take this one step further. “Oh, yes,” Hermann says. “Oh, darling, absolutely. Er–now now?”

“Now,” Newton says. He plants a series of discoordinated, rapid-fire kisses across Hermann’s mouth and chin. “Now,” he repeats. “Keep talking to me.”

“About what?” Hermann says, frowning.

“Anything,” Newton says. “And touch me. Keep touching me. Hermann–when we get there, I have to tell you–”

“Alright, Newton, alright,” Hermann says. He did forget how needy Newton could get. He’s also missed it. He strokes back some of Newton’s neat hair, gropes around for his cane, and eases himself to his feet with a small groan. (He’s not quite as young or agile as he used to be.) Newton immediately springs to his own feet and latches onto Hermann’s arm. He's not merely needy tonight--a bit on edge, too, it seems. “Off we are, then. Be a dear and get my coat for me.”

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

94 notes · View notes

ftpthemovement · 4 years

Text

Comfort or calling? Stop stalling it’s time to ride.

God doesn’t place a calling in your heart and not give you the ability to see it through. Are you choosing comfort or your calling?

Last week I was seeking God to inquire him about a word he gave me a few months ago revolving around FTP. Most people don’t know, but we are closing in on the last few months of our lease here in Kennesaw, and the word he gave me was in reference to what the furture would hold for us. When I asked, I wasnt given a direct answer, so I expressed a lack of assurance to close friends and members of FTP. Since the inception of FTP, God has always given a clear vision of what was to come, and this was the first time where there wasn’t a direct clear cut direction or instruction on what we were supposed to be doing. So I went walking in solitude spending time with God and he began to speak to me.

Often times when God talks to me the most, Its during these times where I’m walking with him in a remote location free from distractions and any input, or out side interference. On this particular day, God placed it on my heart that it was time to uproot myself from Kennesaw Georgia, and move to Las Vegas Nevada to do his will. Cause you know, that’s super normal and all 😂

At first I felt very worried because it’s moving across the nation to a place I don’t know, surrounded by people I also don’t know, to places I’ve never been before in my life. Automatically, my first inclination is to worry. Yet God choose to remind me of a word he sent me around a year ago, when he said, “I’m bringing a raging river to dry sands.” I quickly remembered that I used to walk around a repeat it daily, often times I still do; but I never really understood it until recently. On September 6th, I saw the post come up on Facebook, Circa Sept 6, 2019. Exactly a year later, God was reaffirming his word from exackty year ago, and it lined up perfectly with the message he had just given me! Guess you would have to be there to know the full gravity of the situation, but let’s just say it was all the confirmation I would ever need.

But, in the process of such a massive transition, you obviously have to iron out a few wrinkles with such an undertaking. So, I immediately reached out to Alex and Jordan, who are very close brothers and members of FTP to ask them what they thought. Amazingly enough, they not only supported it, but they felt lead to deployed there as well! Talk about faith in action! I really don’t think you could ask for more than that. God says go, thier answer figuratively speaking was, “Say when.” It’s literally the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Obviously all of our intentions are there, but this is when the opposition likes to creep in. See, technically we are still here until the lease is up. We have to manage to somehow raise funding, continue expanding discipleship, and elect overseers to continue our work here in Georgia, while we expand to the west as God has instructed. In the middle we could come up with a number of excuses, fears, doubt, insecurities, distractions, and opposing opportunities in the process. Hence why the topic up top is, “Are you choosing your comfort, or your calling?”

Up until yesterday when I would think about the transition I would start asking questions that I think any sane, logical, rational person would ask. Stuff like, “Where are we going to stay?” “Are we shutting down the businesses we run?” “How do we all manage to uproot multiple families and make it work?” “Where will we work, etc.“ “Where will the resources come from to help make the transition happen?”

Now, everything isn’t complete, but the Lord has already answered about 90% of these questions, and in the coming months we are going to reveal the plan God has placed in motion, and we hope that you share in the vision and take the opportunity in helping be apart of Gods work! But, for now this is where God calls his followers to have faith, and to be prepared to put that faith in action by trusting that he will create the way to see it to completion!

Sounds tough, and it is! Yet, he specifically reminded me of one answer he gave that changed the complete trajectory of all of my thoughts. A question so imperative, that it shifted everything Ive ever known when it comes to following God. What’s that question you might ask?

The question was, “If I choose to stay and not go, would you be mad at me?”

Even reading the question as I’m writing it, it sounds loaded. But in the loving grace that only my Heavenly Father could answer in, I got a peaceful “No.” So, God is calling me to go do his will, but if I don’t go, he won’t be mad at me? Hmm..... I felt a prompting in my spirit to ask God another question. “If I don’t go, can I be just as successful here doing your will as I would be there?” He gracefully and calmly replied, “No.”

“So, if I go I’ll be more successful than if I stay, why wouldn’t I go?” I had a lot of answers to that question. It’s probably one the easiest list I could ever come up with. Because of job security, comfort, and fear. Because of being rooted in what I’ve grown accustom to on a daily basis. All of the things I take for granted that would simply disappear if i choose to be obedient. If you really think about it for awhile there’s sooo much stuff that I could list, and go on and on about. As I sat there and thought about every excuse in the book, God blessed me with a wave of insight that came crashing down on me, saturating me with love, insight, revelation and understanding. If you made it this far, stick around because I’m about to share it with you.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

God showed that I can be saved, be doing good works, and still be far outside of his intended will for my life....

Listen.... It’s the times that God asks for obedience, yet we choose to shrink back from it. You might understand examples like, “God telling you to say something to someone, but your scared to do it so you shrink back. Or, you know you should have done something in a particular situation but looking back would have handled it a million different ways, but froze up. All those are good examples, but imagine that times 100 million, it’s that deep of a revelation.

What God revealed is that often time we will ask Him questions, and he will answer them in accordance to the condition of our hearts. Re read that slow 5 times and meditate on it.

Jesus often times does similar in scripture, by answering people’s questions with a question first, to reveal the motive of there hearts. What God was showing me was that when we ask him questions, we often times ask out of good intentions, but it’s filtered through our intended desires. We ask with intentions on receiving what we want the response to be. Let’s slow it down cause it’s really heavy. It means we aren’t really seeking his will, but instead, we are seeking what we want his will to align with it.

This means when asking God, we can have all the best intentions in the world of serving God, but when we ask him for something, we are asking it for self, and he graciously and lovingly gives us the desires of our hearts. But if your hearts will, even though being good, isn’t what’s God wants for your life, is it a life worth living? It may appear to be good, you claim it’s for his kingdom, but if it’s not the mission he’s called you to....?

Walk with me bro...

How many of you have seen visions in your head from God, or felt a prompting in your heart to expand in ways you can’t even fathom, but then you quickly rationalize every excuse of why it can’t happen for you, and you write it off as a day dream How many times have you asked God for something but if it doesn’t happen how you wanted it to, or expected it to, you start questioning if you have unresolved sin, or if you did something not pleasing to God. How many of you reading this are weighed down by your past decisions in life, and they hauntingly become the excuses of your future?

God literally loves you enough, to bless you, save you, bring you into heaven, and you still not have lived the life he had intended for you. Most people I’ve met say, “Well everything happens for a reason, and God allowed x______ to happen to learn from it, so I don’t consider it a mistake. Yet they refuse to take ownership of truthfully considering if they were choosing their will or his!

God meets you where you are, when you turn to him, then He gives you beauty for your ashes. Things happen because you choose his way or your way, second by second day by day. When you’re on track and fully submitted to his will, you will live how he wants you to live. When you choose your will, and realize what you’re doing is wrong, he meets you where you are at. When you turn from your way, (aka repentance) Thats when he puts you back on the right path.

When you take ownership you realize, you can’t be focused on fear and faith at the same time. You’re going to choose one or the other daily. Several times God gives orders in scripture, man choose his own way, and he meets them where they are at. It’s literally the whole entire book. Man chooses flesh, God sets them straight, repeat. God tells Isreal do this, they don’t do it, they repent, he blesses them. You think he wanted them to mess up? No! He wants to bless them, but just as we do, we pursue our own ways, and then ask God to bless them.

Long segway, but I hope it was useful. Point is, how many times have you been given a vision, or felt the feeling and didn’t act? In my experience, JUST MY PERSONAL experience, everything God calls me to do, is wildly uncomfortable, and he always places me in a positions that my faith is required to go further than my flesh has ever been capable of. Meaning, God gives me visions that I cannot complete on my own, that I have to overcome fear, walk in faith, and be wildly dependent on him to complete the mission. Period.

So, what calling has you placed on your heart that you haven’t been listening to? Are you so far past having them that you don’t even ask God anymore? Are you just focused on, watch over my family, help me make it through this work day, get a decent spot at the mall, next promotion, and don’t let me get stuck in traffic?

Or is it, God you know what I’m going through, if you would just give me a sign, I’ll do whatever you tell me? But, then you don’t read the Bible enough to realize, he’s already given you the sign, your mission, purpose and calling, and you would just rather wait on magic to drop from the sky, settling for comfort and complacent over sacrifice and obedience?

Come on bro!! Excuses are void in the kingdom of heaven, act like you knew! Don’t be the guy who gets so far off path that you say you believe, but don’t seek Gods will daily, so you walk around professing God, but living nothing like what he’s called you to live. You’re better than that.

So, what’s the answer to this ridiculously long blog?

Fully submit yourself to Gods will daily, no matter how crazy it may seem to others. Use me as an example if you need to. If you know me, I’m not the trophy boy for exceptional Christian. I’m what most churches would call a heretic, a false profit, or lost in sin. Yet, all I eat sleep and breathe is doing Gods will daily. My point is, people will always have an opinion, even the people who thought they were closest to God, killed his son, and the prophets who came before him! Christ rebelled against their man made religion, called them a brood of vipers, prob some more stuff, and then went on to reveal love, care, generosity, forgiveness, and compassion! A little different example than what they had set. He goes on to show mercy trumps sacrifice, and forgiveness and love conquers all. He literally displayed the example of what it means to be his disciple for all to see, when he picked up his cross, took on the sin of judging hypocrites, and said “Father forgive them, they know not what they do!”

Yet in this world, being a true disciple is a stumbling block for most religious people. It’s the very ones who claim to know him the most, that continuously persecute his elect. So, if you don’t look like mans religious church, and you don’t look like the world, you might just find that your walking on the narrow path with Jesus, that he himself said very few will find.

So don’t choose the ways of the world and they will hate you. Don’t seek to align yourself with mans religious customs and narrow viewpoint, they will hate you too.

For they fear what they don’t know, and kill what they can’t understand. Blind guides, full of judgment, an outward display of selfish insecurity, masquerading itself as righteousness. They’ve been judging themselves their whole life, because it is all they’ve known to do. Some past judgment on the world, others understand the word enough that they don’t pass judgment on the world, but comprehend the word enough to pass judgment on the church. Yet when they do so its a perversion, because they do not know love, so they lack the truth. They themselves can’t even look in the mirror and love themselves, so they cannot rightly ever loves others! When they look in the mirror they see sin and not their savior. So they outwardly reflect their shortcomings onto others. Claiming to be free, yet they tie a burdensome yoke onto others that they themself cannot carry, because they have skeletons they cannot bury. Depraved bunch in high positions, appearing to be Shepard’s, but they are like chaff in the wind, being thrown to and fro, judgment to judgment. If the words I speak aren’t from God himself, then let this day be held in account for all to see, so that the motives of my heart be displayed for all to bear witness.

Take the time to seek his will, and you to will find yourself on a similar path. But in this walk of righteousness remember, God won’t place a calling in your heart and not give you the ability to see it through. You just have to have the courage to bring it to fruition.

So in closing, are you choosing comfort or your calling? Search your heart man of GOD, the end has yet to come. Will you have the courage to follow his will? Fear is for the fire lake, be bold and courageous, you’ve been called to go and spread the good news of the gospel, baptize in the name of The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit! You have been commissioned!

Stop looking for the approval of man, and rest assure in your approval and right standing in God through Christ, who sacrificed everything for you to be set free! Let God himself be the only judge you consider in your pursuit of his calling. Go to where the pastors don’t preach, and where the teachers won’t teach. Go be a light in dark in the dark, a city on a hill for all to see. Stop settling for tradition, and go complete Gods mission! May his spirit rage inside of you, calling you to relentless actions of faith, being bold as to laugh in the face of fear, and courageously walk out your destiny. God be with you always even until the end of this age. Don’t do, be. because you already are.

From the front lines, -ES

#ftpthemovement #eliasstrategos

2 notes · View notes

expressandadmirable · 4 years

Text

Will I Find My Home? (Sol, Elerian, the Family Lux)

“I’m off,” Halei announced, slinging her pack over her shoulder as she stepped into the sitting room. “I’ll be in Norrikdown for a few days, then heading south on foot to some of the villages. I’ll circle back around and portal home when I’m done.”

Aviva hummed an acknowledgement from the sofa, palming the strings of her mandolin and looking over her shoulder at the Drow. “Did they request you in the villages, too?”

“Mmm,” Halei nodded. “Big property dispute in Fairdale and a murder case in Lionshead. Off to dispense some swift justice.”

“Hopefully there won’t be any tragically uninformed bandits this time.”

Halei chuckled, squeezing the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger in exasperated amusement. “What was that, a year ago now? Gods.”

“Thereabouts.” Aviva shook her head in a shade of disbelief that bordered on admiration. “I can’t believe we actually got to say ‘Do you know who I am?’”

“They certainly learned right bloody quick.”

Aviva huffed a wry laugh. “I almost felt bad for them. Of all the people you could attempt to rob on a rural roadside, we were… probably a poor choice.”

“We delivered them to the constable, alive and conscious. Justice was served.” Leaning over the back of the sofa, Halei slid her arms around the Tiefling’s neck and gave her a squeeze. “Be good.”

“Never.” Aviva tilted her head enough to kiss Halei’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Releasing her wife, Halei made her way toward the door separating their quarters from the rest of the royal manor.

“Byyyyye!” Aviva sang. “Make Tyr proud!”

“That’s blasphemyyyyy!” Halei replied in similar sing-song as she disappeared into the hall, closing the door behind her.

“Is it blasphemy if we created the Gods?” Aviva wondered aloud, mostly to herself, though the cat at her side responded with a disinterested yawn.

The comment was flip, but once again it got her thinking. There were parts about her place in the grand design of the universe that she knew her mortal mind would never comprehend. She had met Bahamut, the great God of the Dragonborn, and at that meeting he had helped reveal the Heroes of Light’s true origins. She was Flame, the very concept personified, ancient and eternal. They had made and remade existence itself. She was the Mother of the World. Yet Halei still called upon Tyr for strength in battle, and Aviva said nightly prayers to Selen just as she had as a child. It was a discrepancy she could never parse.

With a great sigh, Aviva set her mandolin aside and stroked the soft fur behind Demon’s shoulder blades. “I tried to philosophise before lunch again. I told you to stop me next time I did that. Halei’s not even been gone five minutes.”

Demon of the Abyssal Reach purred.

II.

The roses needed trimming, as did the taller topiaries to the west of the manor. They had needed tending for days, but Elerian insisted on doing the work himself, and so they waited. Celestine had long since given up trying to hire gardeners for the detail work; instead, groundskeepers merely did the daily weeding and watering, allowing the Seer to execute his vision for the rest of the gardens. For this understanding, he was eternally grateful.

Elerian inhaled deeply, the scent of the roses filling the garden around him. It felt like weeks since he had last been able to walk the grounds -- in fact, given his endless list of official tasks, it may very well have been. Slipping the clippers from his belt, he considered the overgrown bush.

As if on cue, the gentle tones of a violin floated toward him from somewhere above the manor. It had taken a few months of residency, but Aviva had discovered several ways to access the roof, and as always, it had become her preferred place to take time for herself. She had eventually requested a trellis be installed outside the windows of their quarters, for well-decorated ease of access. It was then, he had noticed, that she seemed truly and completely at home.

She was working on a new piece, or so it sounded. The music paused every so often, picking up a few bars earlier and continuing until another pause. It matched the mood of the wind, of the warm, white clouds obscuring the sun but never threatening rain. It was the melodic embodiment of a peaceful afternoon, the perfect accompaniment to his task.

Music was Aviva’s true language, the lens through which she interpreted and understood the world. It was one of many things he admired about her.

Elerian smiled. He needed to levitate to reach the tops of the topiaries; when the shaping was done, perhaps he would visit her in her rooftop sanctuary. For the moment, he was content to listen.

III.

“Oh no!” came the wail from the sofa.

Halei stopped cold, the knife she had been using to cut the vegetables for dinner hanging in midair. “What?!”

“I’m too pregnant to play the lute!”

“...What?”

Incredulously, Halei approached. Aviva looked up at her in comical despair, trying in vain to press the rounded body of the lute against her equally round belly. “There’s just too much baby!!”

Suppressing a laugh, Halei ruffled the Tiefling’s hair. “I’ll go get your guitar.”

Aviva smiled. While her misery was (somewhat) feigned, her adoration was not. “You are a goddess.”

“I know.”

IV.

“Headed to bed early; exhausted. Pregnancy still sucks. She kicked today, though. Morgan says hi, hopes to see you. Miss you terribly. Love you endlessly.”

Halei smiled. “Miss you too,” she murmured, the magic of the Sending spell transporting her words all the way back to Aelfheim. “Nearly finished here. Verdict, then home. Tell Morgan I’ll bring pastries. Keep the hearth going and the bed warm. I love you.”

“Nope, sorry darlings.” Mae shook her head as she stood in the doorway to the bedroom, blocking the Elves’ entry with folded arms. From behind her, a string of curses in a variety of languages landed in the sitting room like arrows embedding into a target. “You are not playing this round. Not you--” she pointed to Halei, “and definitely not you.” Her gaze shifted to Elerian.

Startled, the two Elves began to protest, but Mae held up a tattooed palm. “The kid said no, so the answer is no. You can stay out here and if she changes her mind, I’ll have Su come get ya.”

The Elves admitted their defeat with a grumble. They would respect Aviva’s wishes, as much as it unsettled them to do so. “If I may enquire, why ‘definitely not me’?” Elerian ventured, eyebrows raised in stark confusion.

Mae raised a brow in return, her illustrated tail swishing lazily as she leaned against the doorframe. “Because, your royal highness, the situation in there is pretty definitively your fault, and the kid is about to say some things that under normal circumstances would get her done for treason. Best not to put yourself in the line of fire unless she asks.”

“...Fair enough.”

An agonised scream ripped through the sitting room. Halei tensed, her hands balling into fists at her sides. “Brings back bad memories,” she muttered.

For the first time since she’d arrived, Mae softened, messy bun of greying dark hair bobbing as she nodded. “I know. You’ve been through a lot with her. But she’s strong, and once this is over, there’ll be a brand new generation of Lux for you to meet.” She smiled. “She’ll be okay. Trust me.”

“Mari?” came Esperance’s voice from somewhere within the bedroom. “Mari??”

“That’s my cue.” Mae pushed off from the doorframe and straightened. “Fortify, you two. You’re not the ones pushing out a baby!” With that, she turned on her heel and closed the bedroom door.

Halei glanced at Elerian. “I still can’t get over the fact that V’s tattooist is also a midwife.”

“The two are not so dissimilar,” Elerian answered. “There are many many ways to guide someone through pain.”

After a moment of contemplation, Halei shrugged. “Spiritual people are weird.”

With a snort of laughter, Elerian shook his head at the Drow. “You are a terrible paladin.”

VI.

Exhausted beyond words, Aviva held the warm little bundle to her chest, smiling sleepily as Halei and Elerian gathered around her.

“Ada, Nana,” she addressed them in murmured Elvish, “this is Zahira.”

VII.

Celestine glanced at the ornate Gnomish clock on the wall of her office. She had woken at Elerian’s side, had seen him at breakfast, had reminded him of the items on the day’s docket. He had attended the morning’s meeting and completed the first half of the to-do list, then sequestered himself to rewrite a speech and promised to join her again at half past three. As the hands of the clock neared four, Celestine stood. Elerian the Seer was not one to miss an appointment.

Making her way through the busy kitchen and up the manor’s back stairs to the domestic floors, Celestine checked Elerian’s bedchamber, then the study. The speech sat mostly revised on his desk, which was a relief, but its writer was still nowhere to be found. She stepped back into the hall, looking this way and that, her hands on her hips and a confused frown on her face. The manor was large, but it was not that large.

“Celes?”

Rounding a corner, Astos canted his head, dark hair freeing itself from behind one long ear. “You look as if you’ve lost something,” he noted as he approached.

“Our husband,” she responded with a sigh. “We have to finish the plans for next week’s reception and he was supposed to meet me half an hour ago. Have you seen him?”

Astos shook his head. “I’ve not. But if I had to wager, he’s probably with the girls.”

“I don’t believe I’ll take that wager.” Celestine’s smile began wryly, but quickly softened. “I’ll check their quarters. We’re lucky the baby can’t get that far yet, or I’d never find him again.” With a wave, she left Astos to chuckle to himself as she turned down the next hallway.

Reaching Aviva and Haluei’en’s door, she knocked politely. They had given her free reign to enter unannounced long ago, but she preferred an invitation when possible. “Aviva?” No answer. “It’s Celestine. Is Elerian with you?” Silence. “Aviva? Haluei’en?” After one final pause, Celestine pushed open the door and poked her head inside.

Haluei’en sat slouched on the sofa, her head tipped back against the pillows. Aviva lay on her belly with her head in the Drow’s lap, stretched longways across the seat cushions, one arm dangling over the side and brushing the floor. Elerian rested on the floor with his back against the sofa, nearly mirroring Haluei’en but for using Aviva’s hip as a pillow; cradled in his lap lay baby Zahira. All four of them, Celestine realised, were sound asleep.

From atop one of the back pillows, Demon opened her amber eyes and blinked. Celestine nodded at her. “You’re right,” she whispered. “It can wait. I’ll come back later.”

Demon closed her eyes.

VIII.

Blinking away the fog of sleep that momentarily washed over her, Aviva stifled a yawn. Well aware of their vital importance, she could not help but find Elvish ambassadorial meetings to be monstrously tedious and often irritating affairs. Despite Elerian’s marriage to the leader of the Wood Elves and his close working relationship with the new Archmagistrix of the Drow, there was always some petty squabble or long-held grudge from the lower ranks delaying and complicating negotiations. Even Halei’s presence as a neutral Arbiter could do little to keep the table of testy Elves on track. For her part, Aviva represented the Tieflings and other marginalised communities within each of the Elven nations, interjecting on their behalf when necessary and advocating for them to receive the help they needed. Of course, given the pace of the talks, she suspected she would not need to speak up until next week at the earliest.

Zahira stirred in her arms. Tiny golden eyes blinked up at her, framed by an expression of mild confusion that never failed to make her smile. “Hi baby,” she whispered, gently running her fingers across her daughter’s cheek and through her white-blonde hair. Zahira fussed in response, freeing a hand from her blanket and grabbing at the low neckline of Aviva’s tunic. “Hungry again? Okay, okay, hold on.” As a Wood Elven administrator droned on from across the table, Aviva loosened the ties of her tunic, unwrapping one side and shifting the girl into position.

“Excuse me!” barked a voice, cutting off the Wood Elf mid-stream. Looking up to see what had caused such an outburst, Aviva realised the voice belonged to Elerian’s most obstinately old-fashioned advisor, and that he was looking at her as if he had just stepped in something unsavoury. “That is most indecent!” he continued in Elvish. “Revealing, flaunting herself in the middle of an official conference! It’s not proper!” He shifted in his chair to address Elerian. “My Prince, I request she be removed at once.”

Before Elerian could respond, Aviva cocked her head. “I am feeding my child, my lord,” she explained in measured, fluent Elvish. “It is both natural and a necessity, so if there is a law against it, I pray you show it to me. Or perhaps you are cranky because you are hungry too?” She gestured to her chest. “I do have another breast if you need a snack to quell your tantrum.”

A ripple of laughter spread across the table, punctuated by Halei’s sharp snort. Elerian tried valiantly to keep his expression neutral, but the pride in his eyes betrayed him. The advisor’s face reddened and he spluttered a few times before sinking back into his chair, duly cowed.

Elerian spread his hands. “My apologies for the interruption. Please continue, Ambassador.”

From the far end of the table, Halei caught Aviva’s eye, a psychic ‘I love you’ passing through the Tiefling’s head. She gave Halei a wink.

IX.

“Tea?”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

Esperance smiled at her daughter, sitting at the kitchen table as if she’d never left, then at her granddaughter, amusing herself with wooden blocks at Aviva’s feet. “Warm milk for the baby?”

“Nah, she’ll have her lunch in a bit. I grabbed some jars of food before we left.” Aviva patted the pack occupying the chair next to her. “I almost miss when I was the only source of food. Much easier to carry.”

“But soon you’ll be able to start cooking with her.” Esperance set two mugs of tea on the table before easing into the closest chair. “And start baking.”

Aviva grinned. “Few more years before we get to that. Things take for-fucking-ever for Half-Elves.” Raising a defiant eyebrow at Esperance’s reproachful look, she sipped her tea. “Did you finally get Pippa to start baking?”

“Nearly,” Esperance answered with a smile that took years from her face. “She managed not to burn the house down. We’re working on it.”

“I’m glad you two got together.” Aviva leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on the table. “You deserve to be happy.”

Esperance flushed girlishly, gold eyes fixed on the steaming swirls of her tea. “She’s a good woman. I thought it would be strange, such an old friend of your father’s… But it helps that she knew him. That she still misses him sometimes too.” She met Aviva’s gaze. “He would be so, so proud of you. Your music, your family, your friends, your work. The world we know is because of you. Because of your capacity to love and believe, despite everything. He would be… at least half as proud as me.”

It was Aviva’s turn to flush. She looked at her daughter, who bore her father’s name, then at her mother. “I wouldn’t be me without you, Mama.” She reached a hand across the table, finding Esperance’s fingers and lacing them tightly with hers. “Thank you.”

“Mama? Nana?”

Aviva rolled toward Zahira’s voice, bleary-eyed. “What is it, baby?”

“I had a bad dream.” The girl’s voice was muffled behind the plush dragon she held tightly to her chest. “Can I come sleep with you?”

“Of course, my love.”

“And Maergrahn III?”

“Always.”

Before Aviva could shift her weight, Halei had already risen, stepping around the edge of the bed and and scooping Zahira into her arms. Planting a kiss on her cheek, the Drow set her daughter beside her wife and crawled back under the covers. “There we go, love. Have a lie down and your mama and I will make it go away.”

With a small nod, Zahira shimmied beneath the blanket until she could rest her head on the pillows. Propping herself up on one elbow, Aviva kissed the girl, then the stuffed dragon, then kissed the fingers of her other hand and tapped them to Halei’s shoulder. Settling back down, each mother wrapped an arm around Zahira and closed her eyes.

XI.

“Good,” Aviva nodded. “Very good. How did that feel?”

Lowering his bow, Ofer kept his back straight, violin tucked against his chin as he went over the piece in his head. “I’m still having trouble with the third movement.”

“You are, but it was the best you’ve done so far. Remember to hold on to that when you start to get frustrated. Your head knows how to play it. Your hands just need a little more time to get there.”

“Yes, Lady V,” the young Tiefling recited. Aviva could not help but smile. ‘Lady V’ was the compromise she and the boy had come to, delicately balancing his wide-eyed deference to the Hero of Light and Prince’s paramour with her personal discomfort at having so many damned titles. It did occasionally cross her mind that ‘Lady Lux’ would have had more of a ring to it, but what had once been armour had long ago returned to its rightful place as a family surname. ‘Lady Aviva’ was her name at formal ceremonies and on official papers, so ‘Lady V’ was the best she could get from Ofer.

“Do you want to run through it again, or work on your other piece?” Aviva waited; when the boy did not respond, she cocked her head. “Ofer?”

Ofer blinked. “Yeah. Sorry, Lady V. I was…” He shrugged. “I dunno.”

Aviva settled into one of the plush high-backed chairs dotting the manor’s drawing room, watching Ofer’s face. “What’s up, sweet pea? Something’s been on your mind all day, I can tell.” Ofer nodded sheepishly, his shoulders slumping. Aviva smiled. “Then let’s rest for a minute and you can tell me about it.”

“Okay.” With a sigh, Ofer set his violin and bow in the open case at his feet. “My parents… Ever since I got my own room, they make me sleep with the door open. So they can check on me during the night. And last night, I woke up, and I saw my mum at the door, and… I dunno, I just got mad. I got out of bed and I told her to go away and I slammed the door.” He looked at Aviva helplessly. “She didn’t say anything this morning, but I could tell she was sad. I don’t even know why I got mad. She's just so nervous all the time. If I'm not where she expects me to be, she panics, and then dad gets mad, and I just… I don't understand.”

Aviva listened, and when the boy had finished, she nodded. “That's a lot. It's okay to be frustrated.” Ofer started. “It is. My mother used to be like that when I was little, and it was hard. I can get like that sometimes too, and it's hard on Zahira.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “How much have your parents told you about the Calling?” Even after all these years, the word still sent a chill down her spine.

"Not a lot.” Ofer gave a small shrug. “It was scary, and it's why they have scars and why dad has a glass eye. And that you saved them.”

“Not just me. They were strong. They let me help them.” Aviva took a deep breath. “The Calling is a wound, a trauma our people are still recovering from. For many of us, it was the worst in a long line of bad things. There was a time when we thought there wouldn't be any of us left.” A sad smile flitted across her face. “I still get nightmares about it sometimes.”

“You do??” Ofer stared at her, his eyes as large as saucers.

Aviva chuckled softly. “Is it so hard to believe? I get scared too. And when I wake up, it can take some time to reassure myself the nightmare wasn't real. I can talk to my wife or to the Prince, but sometimes I go to Zahira's room and look in on her. Make sure she's still there.” She took one of Ofer's hands in her own. “Our people have lost a lot. Things are better now, but it's hard not to worry about the people and things we love. We want to keep them safe, and sometimes we show that in confusing or unhelpful ways. Your parents mean well; their hearts are in the right place.”

“So what do I do?”

“Talk to them. Explain how they're making you feel. They may mean well, but your feelings are valid, too. Talk to them about what they went through, how it’s still affecting them, and how that’s affecting you. They may not be ready to talk about everything just yet, but you can start the conversation and go from there.” She squeezed the boy’s hand. “What’s most important is that they love you. So, so much.” Tilting her head, she smiled. “Okay?”

Ofer nodded, and smiled in return. “Okay.”

“Okay. Want to take another crack at the third movement?”

“Okay!”

XII.

Aviva loved the light in Elerian’s bedchamber. The delicate curtains drawn across the windows and pinned over the skylights diffused the afternoon sun, scattering and softening the rays into a meditative glow. By contrast, the rich damask canopy of the four-poster bed kept sleepers in the embrace of darkness even at midday. It was a humble place, at least relative to his station; while the public spaces in the manor were for show, the bedchamber was for him alone.

“Reminiscing?”

From her position against the doorframe, Aviva looked over her shoulder, smiling as Elerian approached. “El’an,” she greeted him. “I suppose I was. The first time I saw you, you were asleep in that bed.” She smirked. “A pale little thing, you were. Caused us all quite a bit of stress.”

Elerian laughed lightly, resting a hand on the Tiefling’s hip. “A most wretched sight, to be certain. I imagine I was the very picture of Elven frailty, was I not?”

With a grin, Aviva looped her arms around his neck. “Luckily for us, you’re sturdier than you look.”

“Waiting for you and your Heroic kin gave me the strength to carry on,” Elerian responded with utter sincerity, then broke into a chuckle at Aviva’s raised eyebrow. “I knew you would come. I had seen it many times before. The only information I lacked was who you would be when you arrived.”

“Do you miss it? Being able to See?”

Elerian considered that for a moment. “There are times that throw into sharp relief just how much I relied upon it. When the chapters of one’s life have been laid out for them from their first breath, stepping onto the unknown page is daunting, to say the least.” He slid both hands around her waist, drawing her close, and she lowered her forehead to rest against his. “Which is why I shall forever thank my good fortune that you are one of the writers of these pages.”

After all these years, he could still make her blush. “Gi melin, elrandir.” I love you, star-wanderer.

“Gi melin, feanare.” Spirit of Flame.

XIII.

“There’s my wife!”

Setting her pack down by the door, Halei stepped into Aviva’s waiting arms, burying her face in the Tiefling’s neck. “Hello you.”

“Hi sunshine. Welcome back.” Aviva rested her cheek against Halei’s head. “You hungry?”

“Starving.” Lifting her head, Halei nodded over Aviva’s shoulder to the large basket sitting on the dining table. “Is that what that’s for?”

“It most certainly is.” Aviva released the Drow, who knelt to greet Ladybug of the Line of Demon as she trotted in from the kitchen. “I was away, then you were away; it feels like we haven’t eaten together in ages. El’an has the baby tonight, so I thought we might have a walk in the garden. What do you think?”

Halei smiled. “Nothing would please me more. Let me get my armour off and we can go.”

“Sure. I’ll finish packing.” Aviva paused, then smiled, remembering the first time they had taken a dinner basket into the manor garden. “Wear something soft.”

On her way to the armoury closet, Halei stopped, looking back at Aviva with a knowing smile. “It’s a date.”

XIV.

“Still with me, kid?”

Aviva let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a purr. Mae laughed. “Good. Almost done. Time to come back to reality.”

“I’m here.” Aviva was no stranger to trancing out during tattoo sessions, breathing deeply and evenly as her mind wandered far from where she sat, topless and backwards on a chair in Mae’s tent in Corneria City. “Perfect timing, I was just thinking I needed to pee.”

Mae snorted and good-naturedly muttered for her client to shut up. A few minutes later, she lowered her needles. “There. You want to see it, or do you want to pee first?”

Aviva tried to shoot a withering look over her shoulder, but it quickly melted into a smile. “Let’s see it.”

With a nod, Mae slid a large mirror from beneath the low table at her side and held it in front of her. After cracking her neck and gingerly rolling her shoulders, Aviva peeked at the image freshly decorating her back. A sun, a moon and a star danced across her shoulder blades, connected by subtle, flowing lines that called to mind the night sky, or streaks of flame. She exhaled slowly. “It’s perfect.”

“Of course it is,” Mae scoffed, but her grin was genuine. “Now let’s get you wrapped and get you home.” As she stood to move the mirror and retrieve the oils and bandages, she leaned down to kiss one of Aviva’s horns. “Happy birthday, kid.”

XV.

For all the thrilling adventures she had experienced in her life, there was nothing quite like an audience’s applause. And oh, did they love the Hearthmother.

Aviva grinned, radiant, and dipped into a sweeping bow, the teal-emerald-indigo fabric of her gown shimmering like sunlit ocean water as she moved. She gestured to her side, introducing her friend and collaborator Rhos Liadon to the approving roar of the crowd. Caught somewhere between terror and elation at the sheer size of the Aelfheim concert hall, the Half-Orc sketched a somewhat less fluid bow, then wrapped Aviva in a crushing hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. Stepping back, they selected their preferred instruments from the collection behind them -- they planned to play a great variety of music tonight -- and with a shared wink, they began.

A reel. A waltz. A ballad. A Cornerian folk song, sung in round. A duet of piano and cello. Solo violin. A raga. A chiftitelli. A chaconne. An Elvish sonatina. Lute and illusory drums. Mandolin. Paired voices, a symphony of two. The bards had travelled across the world and back, and they brought all their knowledge and experience to bear in pursuit of musical perfection. They had planned a concert unlike any other, and they would not disappoint.

Finally, Rhos slung a banjo about his shoulders while Aviva tuned her guitar. He told the sea of excited faces that they had written a song together, and asked with a cheeky smirk if they would like to hear it. The response was deafening. Once the cheers had faded, Aviva conjured a set of keys before them, coaxing a gentle melody from the air. Their voices started softly, as did their strings, gradually building until suddenly they burst into an exuberant chorus. The lyrics wondered if they would find their home, even as the notes told them of course they would. A question answered with perfect surety. They knew where home was.

Even through the brightness of the lights, Aviva could see the little boxes built into the sides of the concert hall. Less ostentatious, comparatively, than other theatrical architecture, they sat nearly flush with the wall, providing a clear view of the stage without obstructing other patrons. Ensconced in the furthest box, she might not have seen the occupants at all, had she not known precisely where to look.

Elerian’s head was nodding in time with the music; Haluei’en was bouncing Zahira on her knee. In the box below them, Morgan chatted animatedly with Esperance, tapping her fingers on the ornate wooden railing. Maergrahn danced nimbly about behind them, perfectly content to filter the music into his own little world. Wilhelm, in a rare appearance outside his tower, sat rapt, as if trying to take in every detail of the performance. Zahira noticed her mama glancing in their direction and waved her hands, turning to say something to Halei before resuming her wave. As the song ended, Aviva blew the girl a kiss.

Rhos took her hand and gave her a spin. They laughed, and bowed. Her heart soared.

My home in you.

(Art by @sbeep, @aguydrawsgames and @kimbles)

Endless gratitude and love to SB for playing Sol and for telling this beautiful story with me (and for trusting me to go nuts with the epilogue, and for the exquisite art). Even more gratitude and love to @stonegolem for creating this wonderful story and expansive world for us all to muck about in, as well as playing Elerian and rolling with my schmaltzy story ideas. I’m gonna miss telling this story, but I’m so, so glad it’s been told.

#Dungeons and Dragons #Original Characters #Canon #Aviva Lux #Epilogue #Title: Juniper Vale #Tiefling #Drow #High Elf #Half-Orc

14 notes · View notes

ecoamerica · 2 months

Text

youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

15K notes · View notes

lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years

Text

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)”

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class”

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!!

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

4 notes · View notes

jflashandclash · 6 years

Text

Uncomfortable Crossings

Author’s Note:

I had a request over half a year ago for Calex to interact with a certain goddess. It is shameful that it took me so long to write this! I hope you enjoy despite the wait!

This takes place a year after the series’ last book, Fall of the Sun. This is based off the original ending, which has—since then—mostly changed. Mostly XD So… sort of spoilers?

Book IV’s chapter one (Will: A Stroll Through the Dark) should be released in the next week or two!) In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this short story about Calex :D

Each time Calex kicked, the football slammed directly into the goal post.

Fortunately, there was no one occupying the field to see it. That’s why he preferred the field behind the Roman hypocaust. There was a car park for tourists on holiday and for the few museum staff with cars. But most locals preferred the scenic view by the lake or the fields by the ruins of the wall around the ancient Roman city of Verulamium. The hypocaust could seem a bit dull compared to the lovely sprawl around the rest of the park.

Most of the emptiness was due to the weather. The temperature reached a record high of 31 degrees with 100% humidity. For most of Calex’s mates, this was enough to turn them into jelly puddles inside their flats, but Calex used to holiday in Liberia and had spent the last year in New York. Normally, he’d drag them out, whining and acting like babies, but he wanted to be alone today.

That’s why he was utterly shocked when his ball bounced off the goal post, popped over his shoulder, then shot straight back towards the goal from behind him.

And missed wildly.

Calex watched his ball fly into the field at least fifty meters away. Calex blinked, wondering if a professional footballer had been airlifted into the field without him hearing the helicopter and if that professional was bolluxed out of their mind.

“Oh! Sorry! Here, use my ball while I go grab that,” someone said behind him.

“Um, it’s alright—” Calex turned to see the blur go past. He doubted the girl was as fast as he was, but she was certainly fast. As she darted after the ball, he saw her beautiful locks trail behind her. Something felt off about her gait—like her steps took too long to land on the ground.

Odd, but, after learning he was a demigod, his life had been nothing but odd.

She wore a blue and white jersey, one he should recognize. The name across the back said Karagounis in what Calex quickly recognized as Greek.

He jogged after.

Calex was in no mood to be polite or have a chat. At least she wasn’t attracted to him. The knowledge wasn’t anything self-degrading—Calex knew lots of girls fancied his looks. He was a son of Eros and knowing people’s desires came with the territory.

When she reached the ball and turned to dribble back—long dribbles with little control—Calex felt himself gasp and stagger to a stop, feeling both shallow and self-centered about the previous thought.

The woman was lovelier than anyone he had ever seen. That was a grand thing, considering his grandmother was Aphrodite and he stayed with her children, his aunts and uncles, last year. He knew lovely.

She was maybe ten years older than him, in her mid-twenties, but the age made her more brilliant, like she’d suffered and aged but managed to retain her youth and merriment.

Her hair was long and waved loosely from a mix of plaits in her ponytail. The color was indescribable. At first, he thought it was like his mate, Kally, a strawberry blonde. This was darker, a subtlest cross between red, blonde, brunette, with natural highlights and lowlights from all three. Her skin had a gorgeous glow to it, not quite UK pale, but pale with a hue that cued Calex to her ability to tan.

Her face was perfect.

He didn’t think that with any exaggeration. It was perfect.

If Calex was at Camp Half-Blood, or by Mt. Olympus, he would have dropped right there to genuflect to a goddess. However, in the middle of St. Albans on a Tuesday, she might think it a bit odd or mental if he gave her the “all powerful” treatment in a football field, especially if she was just some poor women off the street who happened to practice beside a crazy demigod.

“Sorry. It has been a long time since I played soccer,” she said as she evened with him. Her English was perfect with the slightest hint of a Greek accent.

“Not a problem,” Calex said.

She smiled in relief.

He recognized that glint of relief and knew it was good he hadn’t dropped into an old fashioned grovel.

There were times he had felt insecure when he entered a room, knowing everyone’s eyes were on him, and expecting him to be perfect because his father’s DNA made him look like he should be. Most of his mates in Britain could make jokes out of it, but, in America, he was uncomfortable when someone asked if he’d been in a magazine or some obscure BBC show, or when someone would point out, “Oh… you’re African American—”

“British, actually”

“—well, yea, but you’re black and you have light eyes.”

Something about her look told him she felt something similar, a sense of humiliation due to the inability to avoid unwanted attention.[1]

Calex swore, regardless of whether or not this woman was a goddess, that he’d treat her like a normal mortal.

“That was an alright kick, Greece,” he said, “You’re sure to nail the net next time.”

Her eyes were amber with flecks of blue and green. They were vibrant, like the rest of her. “I don’t mind failing…” She glanced at the jersey his cousin had bought for him. “Arsenal. Failing is half the reward of trying. How fulfilling would life be if you attained things instantly?”

Calex thought about how he had failed to save his mum and brother from Thanatos, how Joey had died, and what had happened to Axel, Pax, and Euna after everything they’d gone through. “Reward” was an odd little word for it. His fist shook. He remembered the anger and dreariness that he’d come out here to ignore and that her beauty had temporarily disrupted.

This woman definitely couldn’t be from around here if she was that much of an optimist. One look at Israel and you wouldn’t hear their prime minister saying, “Oooo! Sorry about that. Let’s try that again!”

“Some things you can only fail once,” he said.

His ball thumped gently into his foot.

His head was light and ached. He felt like such rubbish that he didn’t want to look at her again.

“Pass the ball with me,” she said. “We’ll make a wager. If I lose, then I’ll concede that you’re right. If I win, then you’ll show me around St. Albans.”

Calex had too many wagers in his life already, particularly ones involving a lot of death or undeath situations. While, in technical terms, his friends from Camp Half-Blood would call him a “lucky son of a respectable man since we would never say anything to upset Calex’s papi,” he wasn’t sure he wanted to bet his luck any further.

“What’s the wager?” he asked.

“I need to get the ball from you,” she said.

Calex felt himself give a heartfelt laugh. “Not bloody likely.”

“Then you have nothing to lose,” she said. “You’re already practicing, foolishly suffering from dehydration, and determined to hit the goal post instead of the net. So you might be better off reminding someone who is rusty how it’s done.”

Calex wouldn’t admit it if asked, but he had fun. This woman—Greece as he’d taken to calling her—had a contagious laugh, had no problem giggling over her own mistakes and making him chuckle at his own, was curious about every aspect of the game, listened to him talk about Arsenal for longer than the Queen could sit at a ceremony, and would excitedly interject with stories of her own. It was like everything was an adventure to her, every experience was fun.

Calex felt like he’d lost that since he’d come back to Hertfordshire and left his friends in New York.

She’d chided him into drinking some water. Like her beauty, her vivacity had shaken him out of his angst. Something about her put him at ease and felt familiar, like the coolest aunt he’d forgotten from childhood. Enough so that, when he was dribbling to their stuff to get another sip of water, he didn’t register what she was doing when she jumped in front of him, forcing him to stop short or knock her over.

Calex stumbled to a stop.

She turned and gave him a huge grin. “I got the ball from you.”

“That doesn’t’ count,” he said.

“It does.” She crunched her face up playfully. The more they interacted and the more he treated her like a typical bloke off the trolley, the more she’d relaxed into this playful, excited demeanor. “It does because you want to show me around. Come along. I’ll treat you to lunch.”

They walked around the town. Calex showed her the stuff tourists usually hyped over: the Cathedral—at which she demanded they make a quick sacrifice to honor the cathedral’s god, something Calex found profoundly baffling[2]—the rest of the park, the clock tower, and some of the nurseries. He was relieved she didn’t ask to go into Verulamium’s museum, the place he felt like he knew better than his own home and whose staff he wanted to punch at that moment.

After winding through the streets full of people exhausted from the heat, they ended up in Café Rouge, a posh French restaurant that Tiwa had liked. When he stepped in, looking at the checkered red-and-clear stained windows, his stomach dropped.

When his mum was exhausted after a shift at the hospital, he remembered her coming here, sitting in the corner booth with the red velvet cloth, and ordering a tea and a chicken club croque. During summer holiday, when they weren’t at her clinic in Kakata, he would come here to meet up with her, Tom, Gretchen, and Winston when he could.

The glass paneled roof made this place look and feel like a botanical garden, too hot, too humid, and on display for the gods to watch.

Calex wished he hadn’t come here.

Their usual waitress, Amelia, immediately recognized him and gave him a shy smile. He hadn’t seen her in almost a year.

Although Calex had led them here without thinking, he turned to leave with a cough and a wave of parting.

“There’s a good table in the center,” Greece suggested. She took Calex’s arm, like he was the one escorting her, and led him over to the table. She gestured at one of the two-seaters that was in a line of empty two-seaters and Amelia nodded.

“Um—” Calex started.

She sat down and Amelia hopped over faster than he could whisper, “I’ve been abducted by a beautiful woman, help!”

“What would you like to drink?” Amelia asked.

“Surprise me,” Greece said. She clasped her hands together, smiling at the tiny brunette. “And I mean it. Any price, any style, form mocktails to fiz. If you want, flip a coin between you and the other waitress and bring me out the favorite drink of whoever gets heads.”

Amelia paused in writing something down to blink at Greece. Normally, he guessed Amelia would think Greece mental, but Calex assumed Amelia struggled with the same problem that he was: Greece’s contagious smile, her natural confidence, and startlingly genuine excitement that made him want to trust her. Normally, such cheer would make him think she was mad and here to rob him, the restaurant, the city, and likely the country of all of her goods. But, for some inexplicable reason, Greece’s demeanor kept putting him at ease and made him feel like this was the right time and place for all things to exist.

“The usual for you then?” Amelia asked Calex.

He nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Amelia.”

She blushed. “It’s good to have you back,” she said. For a split second, Calex realized she’d thought about him without his trousers on.

He cleared his throat, something he hoped she mistook for embarrassment at the comment.

Amelia walked away.

Greece watched their interaction with amusement. “So, is it romantic love or familial that’s the problem?” she asked, leaning forward a little.

Calex must have heard her wrong. “Excuse me?”

“Something has been bothering you all day,” she said.

They went silent for a moment when Amelia brought them their drinks and took their orders.

“Same? Surprise and usual?” Amelia asked, pointing her pen to each of them in turn.

Both nodded.

Calex tried to ignore that Amelia was systematically undressing him in her mind. Some days, he could ignore things like that. Today, he was struggling not to “listen in” on other people’s wants.

She walked away and Calex tucked his scarf against his neck.

“You’re quite presumptuous, aren’t you?” he asked while he sipped his tomato juice. He didn’t like the drink anymore and would have rather a Hoegaarden, but he hadn’t the heart to change things up on Amelia or find out what article of clothing would come off next time in her mind cinema. He would order it when she brought the food and would hope that each of his socks counted as separate pieces of clothing in her game.

“You’re seventeen.” Greece shrugged.

Calex frowned. He had to wonder if she knew it was his birthday or if she’d gotten a lucky guess on his age. Her question made his mind wander to what had upset him that morning.

She shrugged. “And, it’s summer break, so you’re not worried about revision for A levels or entering sixth form.”

Calex examined her wearily. Out of his new friends, only Axel and—dare he call him a friend?—Pax had known anything about his school system. Apparently the structure was similar in Belize. But was it in Greece? Was she actually from Greece?

“Who am I going to tell?” she asked, mistaking the source of his growing suspicion.

Typically, an innate sense of trust made him want to distrust people more, like they were looking to gain something. He felt a part of his heart give though. This woman gave him such an irrational sense of livelihood, of wanting to experience the world, and chat about the things he loved and scream about the things he hated, it made him lightheaded. And, had she not come by that morning, he’d have likely finished at the fields, and then locked himself in his room all day.

“There is a girl,” he found himself saying.

Greece gave him a lovely smile. “What is she like?”

“She’s…” He thought about the times Merry had publically humiliated him. “Merciless. Yea, merciless. That one is.”

Greece laughed, a fantastic sound. “And here I was, expecting ‘beautiful’ or ‘intelligent.’”

“Oh, she is. Quite good at making me laugh too.” He marveled over how well Merry could store information in her head and use it to outwit others—whether monsters or crude blokes—and, how she could make guesses about future events in Camp Half-Blood, mostly involving people’s dating lives. He pictured Merry’s dark eyes contrasted with her honey skin and the curves of her body. She looked like a Victoria Secret model with a hardy appetite, and Calex wouldn’t change a single thing about her brain or her physique. Well… except…

“She’s quite alright,” he said.

“And..?” Greece asked.

Calex sighed. He lifted up his drink and set it on the table. What he would change…

“She isn’t attracted to me. At all. She isn’t attracted to anyone.”

He waited for Greece to say he couldn’t know that, a completely reasonable response for someone who didn’t know he was a son of Eros and that he could tell when shy waitresses had him on their mental tele with much less clothing, much more interest in public displays of affection, and much less respect for restaurant sanitation. Instead, Greece frowned thoughtfully, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m not sure she’ll ever find any bloke physically attractive.” Calex remembered all the times she’d make flirtatious comments about people’s bodies, like empty reverberations of gossip she’d heard. She never felt it. She would just say it to make people laugh or to contribute to a conversation. And, Calex feared, to feel normal.

This is where he should stop, but the words slipped out. “She said she loves me.” He remembered how she had snuggled into his chest, calling him her sweet, sexy teddy bear. But, he couldn’t read emotional love. That was Piper’s, his aunt’s, territory. Merry’s confession had taken him by dumbfounded surprise, since those words were typically preluded by some sort of physical attraction.

“That made it worse. I want… I want an all-inclusive relationship. It wouldn’t need to be immediate. I would wait however long she wanted and we could talk through everything. But that’s assuming Merry would ever want that. What if she never wants it? Nothing says she needs to nor should she ever feel pressured if it’s not something she’s interested in…”

There was no better way for him to explain it. He knew, physically, how to properly take care of everyone he got close to. That’s why people would come to him for advice, like the time Axel had, shaking with embarrassment, asked about one of his dates with Reyna, and the time Kally had timidly asked some generic questions on how things worked when you’re copping off.[3]

Even if Calex didn’t want to know, the sense of what everyone wanted was in a neat queue, waiting for use by him or as advice for others. He knew what to do at any time to really get their engines roaring. But, he didn’t with Merry. It was a blank slate. Everyone else had a rolling instruction manual that he could access in a split second. But, he didn’t want them. He didn’t care about those instruction manuals. He wanted to show Merry how much he appreciated her in the way his godly heritage had given him the unquestionable advantage, but… he couldn’t. She was the only reason he could guess why other blokes were so nervous interacting sexually. Typically, he was full of the confidence of knowing. Not with Merry. Not when she didn’t want to get physically intimate with anyone and nothing he knew of could spike any sense of desire.

He didn’t know how to explain any of that without coming across as a total creep.

“I know that’s selfish,” he said instead. “It’s not that I wouldn’t mind waiting. If I knew, in a few years…” There was no acceptable way to end that line of dialogue with a stranger, or—really—with anyone.

“No…” Greece frowned and Calex was ready for a proper (and well earned with how much of a dodgy perv he sounded) feminist lashing. “Calex, that isn’t selfish.”

Calex blinked. “Yes, it is.”

She laughed. “No, it isn’t. That’s a compatibility conflict. And, for someone like you, that is a serious compatibility conflict. From the way you’re talking and the way you are, I know you’re not seeking your own sexual gratification. How many times would you pleasure Merry without getting any reciprocation and even noticing or caring that you hadn’t?”

“Hundreds, if not thousands,” he said reflexively.

When he realized that those were real words that came out of his mouth, he glanced around, to make sure Amelia hadn’t heard to use that for her mental tele. Calex took a long sip of tomato juice, desperately wishing he had Merry’s power to turn it into something a bit stronger. His mind sprinted through excuses as to why he would need to leave this table in a hurry, and wondered if this woman would believe him if he said he had an appointment to slog Boris Johnson in the face.[4]

Greece, however, acted like this question was a typical Tuesday question. “Probably the same number of times Merry would help you study for an exam without ever feeling like you owed her a favor.”

Calex felt like they’d just been chatting about a meat eater repeatedly offering a vegetarian an endless chicken supply, and that Greece had brought up the time the vegetarian offered the meat eater an endless supply of slinkies. Calex wasn’t sure if Greece just had a time lapse or if she was just stark raving mad.

She confused Calex enough to make him say, “But, I don’t care about revision for my exams.”

“That’s my point. You express your love differently, in different languages, and don’t have any common communication ground, beyond the enjoyment of each other’s presence.” She sipped her sparkling drink and grinned. “Ah! Fizz la Poire! What a nice combo.”

Calex wished it would be as simple as she’d suggested. “So, you’re telling me to pull a girl by studying with her? That’s the secret to the Merry Snog: a good math textbook.”

Merry, he realized, would fancy that official title quite a bit.

Greece shook her head. “You’re missing the point. The studying is the snog to her.”

“I’m not sure I follow you.”

Greece laughed lightly. “You’re just like your father.”

Calex almost choked on his next sip of the thick juice. “Excuse me?” His suspicion came back to hit him like a power kick from Alexis Sanchez.[5]

She shook her head in pleasant amusement. “You need to consider what is important to the two of you and where you can both compromise. Can you be in a relationship where you both feel unloved because you don’t understand each other’s methods of expressing love? You both might feel more fulfilled with someone who naturally expresses their affection in a way you appreciate and understand. Then you both won’t feel guilty for expecting something that isn’t there or holding the other back. The guilt you’re feeling about wanting to spend time with Merry in a particular way and knowing she wouldn’t want that—have you considered that she feels the same guilt for a different unfulfilled want?”

“I hardly think that’s an appropriate comparison,” Calex said. He mentally toured through the various times Merry had offered to study with him, help him with his homework, or look through summer job applications. Kally, Merry’s best friend, had explained that Merry was mental over keeping a 4.0. The queasiness in Calex’s stomach told him Greece was right. Merry showed her affection to her mum and brother, Nikhil, by helping them with school and work. Had he been a total idiot? But having someone study with you when they were bored of it and having them snog you when they were bored of it were two very different things.

Greece smiled. “It’s closer than you’re allowing yourself to think. You two might be better off with someone more compatible. Couples can make it work when they don’t express love the same way or click immediately. I wasn’t enthralled with my husband when we first met, but, in no time, I want to Tartarus and back again for him.”

She touched her shoulder, her eyes glassy with a memory. They warmed back to the present. “Times are different now. You can’t start your relationship by kidnapping your princess. Back to your modern scenario, you could sit there and study with her, despite not caring about the studying at all, and she could—”

“No,” Calex said firmly, checking goddess on his internal description of this woman. “She’s… she’s offered to try. But, I can’t even kiss her when I know she’s not interested in kissing. Even if her reaction is disinterest instead of dislike, what’s the point if she’s not enjoying herself?”

“And that, ‘What’s the point?’ is how she feels about any of the ways she wants to express her emotion. That’s why I was going to say, you could push through it, but I’m not sure it would be healthy for either of you right now. Maybe later, but not now. And I certainly don’t think either of you will be able to happily live life, enjoy it, and experience it, and potentially other people, if you leave the situation in limbo.”

Calex frowned. He thought about Merry’s smile when she knew she’d cornered someone with blackmail or the way she’d tease him by bumping against him on “accident.”

“That’s not the uplifting, encouraging speech I was expecting,” he admitted.

She shrugged. “I’m not going to encourage you to do something that will hold you back from expressing yourself the way you most enjoy. And I won’t say you should do something that will prevent you from living life in a way that’s important to you. If you’re anything like your father, you’ve quite an appetite, and it would make you miserable to suppress it.”

Calex sat there, stunned.

No one would ever say that about Winston.

Had she really—? There was no way. No one in their polite, right mind—

“Oh gods, you’re Psyche,” he said. He had to set his tomato juice down to balance himself against the table. “Oh gods. You just said that about my dad. Please don’t ever, ever, EVER refer to his appetite—or—or refer to you two—augh—shagging ever again.”

Psyche released a beautiful, heartfelt laugh. “For being a son of Eros, you’re incredibly uncomfortable with these discussions. Your sister, Hedone, is very forward about this type of thing.”

“I’m awkward and British!” Calex cried. “I’m not absolutely mental like you Greek gods!”

Maybe Calex shouldn’t have been mouthing off to a goddess, specifically not his step-mother, but this was a bit to take in.

“And—and why are you even here? Aren’t you supposed to think… rather unpleasantly of me?” All the stories he’d heard of gods meeting their step children didn’t end with fairies and sunshine and the god or goddess crying, “There’s my favorite proof of adultery!”

Her smile softened. “Calex, Eros and I have been together for thousands of years. Every couple hundred years, one of us will meet someone as remarkable as your mother. Then, we discuss it and have our agreements. It would be ridiculous for me to hate someone Eros loves so much, especially someone who has grown into an impressive young man. I’ve wanted to meet you, but this is the first birthday you really knew who you were.”

A sick taste hit his mouth. The hopelessness and dreariness of the morning threatened to overtake him again. A lot had changed since his last birthday.

“Your father is going to drop by later today,” she said. “He had to do a favor for your grandmother so she doesn’t notice the two of us here with you.”

Calex wasn’t worried about his father. Compared to other half-bloods, he saw his dad a lot. Over the last year, Eros had not been shy with gifts or advice.

That wasn’t what was unsettling Calex. “Did you know Tiwa?” he asked quietly.

Tiwa didn’t strike Calex as someone capable of being a mistress. He could imagine his mum marching up to Psyche as soon as she discovered Eros was married. And he certainly couldn’t think she would be like Mrs. Blythe, Merry’s mother who was… intimate with both Ariadne and Dionysus. Definitely filing that into Things He Never Wanted to Know.[6]

“I mostly knew of her,” Psyche said. She leaned back into her chair. The sunrays beaming through the glass ceiling hit her back; Calex’s eyes widened when he saw an array of color flowering around her chair and sweeping by her feet: wings. Butterfly wings. The Mist must have coated them before, but the brilliant colors shimmered like a stained glass frame for her hair. Like everything else about her, they were vibrant to the point of breathtaking. “We met over tea a few times. She was… fearless despite the fact that she knew I was a goddess. She wanted to make sure everyone knew exactly what was happening between the three of us. She didn’t trust Eros acting as a messenger.”

“She always liked to make sure things were done correctly,” Calex said.

Psyche laughed. “That’s a generous understatement.”

Staring at the colors of Psyche’s wings, he could picture his mum’s soft face, whether in a smile to appreciate a witty joke or a terrifying scowl to ridicule Calex for some act of stupidity. Calex swallowed. That horrible emptiness from this morning seeped into his system.

He told himself not to—that he didn’t want to talk about it. Still, the words came out of his mouth. “I used to resent going to mum’s clinic in Kakata every holiday. I often had to spend my birthday there, with Tom and Mum, while my mates were off in Playa Del Ingles, Saint-Tropez, or some other posh beach.”

Now, Calex wished he could be there. He wished he could have woken up this morning to his great granddad poking him and his brother with a walking cane while muttering a cryptic, Liberian aphorism. Then he and Tom, whining and complaining about the heat, would escort Mum to her clinic for a day of hard labor.

Now, when it came to his mum and brother, some days were better than others. He could sometimes laugh with Winston about something Tom used to do, or how hopeless they both were in the kitchen without Tiwa around. Other days, the house was quiet and cold without the buoyant conversation about Tiwa’s nightshift or Tom’s football match. Most of the time, Gretchen ran out with her mates, and Calex and Winston were working.

Today, Calex felt numb.

“Chiron said I could stay at Camp Half-Blood this summer, but Winston needs me here. He can barely afford the flat’s rent without Tiwa’s helping to pay. We might need to move. That’s one of the reasons I was so mad at Marie—the museum head—for forcing me to take the day off. I don’t care that it’s my birthday. They never cared about stuff like that before.”

He shrugged. “But… but this is my first birthday without my mum or brother. Gretchen won’t talk to me much. She hasn’t since… since I survived and the others didn’t.”

His little sister worried him and Winston, but he didn’t feel like there was much he could do. It felt like… felt like she blamed him for living, like it was his fault that their home had fallen apart.

Psyche didn’t say anything. She reached across the table and gently set a hand atop his. Over the last year, he’d become more accustomed to brash touching—Pax and Kally made sure to that. This was different. Something about her touch—she understood loss. Calex wondered how many lovers and children Psyche watched succumb to old age or sudden tragedy.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Mum would scold me for dwelling on it so much. Tom would have hit me and told me I was being a twat. Especially on my birthday…” Calex laughed softly.

“Calex, you need to let yourself feel without getting mad about the feelings.” She squeezed his hand.

Calex glanced at her blue and white jersey, now shimmering into a sleeveless, short chiton, her glossy wings and hair, her sweet face and warm eyes. If she hadn’t met him at the football field, he would have kept to himself all day, with his phone off to ignore any contact with his mates. Gretchen would have stormed into the house without a word to him and Winston would have come home from work and collapsed in front of the tele without Tiwa to remind him of their birthdays.

Here, he was out of the flat, chatting with a goddess about his lunatic love prospects and his family. Insane, but much less bleak than he’d expected the day to go.

Calex didn’t know how to show his gratitude to Psyche.

The sadness in Psyche’s eyes made Calex squeeze her hand back. She raised her Fizz la Poir. “To living life in honor of those we miss,” she suggested.

He tilted his glass to hers. “I really need to get a different drink for toasting. I think Tom might be offended,” he said, taking a sip of his tomato juice.

They smiled.

The restaurant door opened and closed. Calex didn’t look over, but could hear some female giggles.

Now that he’d mentioned changing out his drink, Calex had to wonder where Amelia went. Normally, she was—

“There’s my favorite Teddy Bear.”

For a split second, he could see Psyche’s smile tweak with amusement. Then, the world vanished behind two perfect breasts as someone wrapped him in huge hug.

When the person withdrew, Calex found Merry beaming down at him. That green and gold, low-cut sundress wouldn’t have looked half as good on anyone other than her. Her hair was curled and Calex ached to realize this was the first time he’d seen Merry in smart dress for a party.

Glancing around Merry, he saw this was, indeed, a party. Kally gave him a huge grin and wave. She had her—and presumably Merry’s—birthday gifts under one arm. Her other arm held the unmistakable colors of her Manchester United jacket. Calex was happy the weather was too hot for her to get mugged for putting it on in the wrong town. Behind Kally, Piper and Jason entered the restaurant, glancing around the glass ceiling.

Paul, his crazy cousin, and one of their Arsenal hooligan mates stepped in after, noticed how Merry kept snug against Calex’s side and how Psyche sat across from him and gave Calex a subtle thumbs up.

“When did all of you get here?” Calex asked, baffled. He glanced at Psyche who was innocently sipping at her drink. “Did you do this?”

She shook her head. “Oh, no. I offered to get you here for lunch. That is the extent of my foreplanning.”

“This did this,” Merry said and pointed to herself. “You have a child of parties and revelry before you and you accuse someone else of orchestrating a shindig. I’m personally offended, birthday boy.”

A wave of euphoria struck Calex, and he didn’t think it was from Merry’s powers. He hadn’t seen any of them since he left America, at least a month ago. Electronics never agreed with demigods, so he struggled to properly keep in touch. Talking to his mates at home was uncomfortable. Everyone treated him different since he got back. Until Calex saw their smiling faces, he hadn’t known how much he’d missed them.

“Hi Calex!” Piper cheered. “Lacy had to pick up someone else, but she and Mitchell are looking for parking right now.”

Jason nodded. “Percy and Annabeth send their best, but they had some college-level monsters pop up.”

“We had a few ‘maybe’ responses, but the important people are here,” Kally said and punched his arm.

Out of his peripheral, he could see Amelia rush out with a pre-prepared tray of sparkling beverages. Paul and his mate, Oliver, helped her to set up some space for them.

“The most important people, Cyclops?”

Calex, Merry, Kally, Piper, Jason, and—to Calex’s alarm—Psyche, all jumped at the couple that entered the restaurant.

For a split second, Calex dropped his hand to his pencil pouch, containing Soul Pain, his bow. After a breath, he recognized the new occupant. It was someone younger and much more annoying than the person Calex had mistook the boy for. Beside the boy was someone else that Calex thought he may never ever see again.

Pax wore a familiar burgundy button-down and dress pants. His wild raven hair was combed back into a sloppy ponytail that curled and twisted. He wore his fully loaded utility belt with poisons and serums. Two revolvers hung out of his shoulder holsters and atop suspenders that were lined with darts. He winked his golden eye at Kally.

Calex had to wonder what the Mist turned all those weapons into when Pax was on the street.

Pax held his automaton hand out to escort a young woman Calex also didn’t recognize initially.

Upon examining her, Calex could tell she wasn’t wearing real clothing. The… dress? Or sometimes body suit..? The clothing she wore trembled and altered as they walked closer. The mesh itself came from intertwining leaves, vines, and flowers. Petals fell from it as she walked, leaving a trail of colors. Her feet were bare. The only solid thing that she wore was a sickle strapped across her back with a vine. Her unkempt hair was enlaced with more beautiful flowers, ones—Calex thought—he remembered being poisonous.

Her dark gaze was turned upward so she could grin at the glass ceiling.

When she met his stare, she smiled like they’d seen each other yesterday. “Hey. Nice choice in restaurant. What’s their best meal?”

“Euna?” Kally asked, covering her mouth with one hand.

Like Calex, her fingers had dropped into her messenger bag in a reflexive search for a weapon.

“Yes, a happy Euna, that looks completely normal and you should compliment her on realizing floral was in this summer,” Pax said.

Jason opened and closed his mouth, glaring at Pax suspiciously. Everyone knew the Romans had been searching for these two. Piper tugged on Jason’s hand. “It’s nice to have everyone together for Calex’s birthday, isn’t it?” she asked.

Calex could feel the calm of Piper’s tone.

“Yep,” Merry piped in. “All here to relax and party.”

Between the two of them, the tension in Jason’s arm muscles eased. Calex and Kally released their weapons. Piper tugged Jason to the side to look at a menu.

A bee flew off one of Euna’s shoulder plants as she and Pax approached Calex. She held out a hand and a root twisted down her arm to her palm. Upon resting there, something sprouted, in fast motion, and a beautiful grey and purple flower appeared. “I made you a flower,” she said. “It will alternate blooming from mid-spring to late autumn. And, as Axel would have recommended, you can use its leaves to kill your enemies. But, for real, what is the best thing on this menu?”

She set the flower into the vase on the table. All the other plants in the vase rose up to her hand, coming to full bloom.

“Lovely,” Calex said, staring at the beautiful, deadly plant, so close to where they were going to eat. “And—um—for you? Probably the Boeuf Bourguignon.” He said, fumbling to think of the most filling thing on the menu. He was so taken aback by her appearance—someone he thought he’d never see again, he felt silly giving lunch recommendations instead of giving her a hug.

She nodded, took a table, and was immediately set upon by Paul. Kally rushed over to make sure Paul didn’t unsettle the volatile daughter of Demeter. Calex had to wonder what Paul saw when he looked at Euna—a cute Korean girl in a floral dress? Someone nearly naked with… what would he think the sickle was?

Psyche’s eyes trailed Euna’s movements, proving not everyone invited knew about everyone else that could be coming. He imagined Merry “forgetting” that she’d be inviting Euna and a goddess and—if his dad showed up—a god. At least Euna either didn’t recognize Psyche or didn’t care. From their conversations that morning, Calex could also imagine Psyche coming regardless.

Pax withdrew something from a pouch on his utility belt. “She brought you a birthday gift. I bring you bribery.”

He handed Calex an envelope.

“The closest thing to a gift that a Pax boy can give when he doesn’t want to sleep with the receiver,” Merry said.

Pax tsked. “Merry, don’t jump to conclusions. I could have great interest in Calex.”

“Don’t even joke,” Calex hissed. He broke the seal. “I ought to open this now, oughtn’t I? In case there’s some sort of Morpheus powder?”

He expected it to be a drawing of weasels devouring him, as Pax had promised to make in the past.

Instead, there was a check.

For a moment of stupid belief, Calex felt his jaw drop. With as much firm denial as he’d previously felt awe, he said, “This is fake.”

Pax gave him that half-grin. “Now, really, you can’t know that until it bounces and you look like an idiot at the bank.”

Calex glared. He leaned forward. Short of excusing themselves, there was no way to keep Merry and Psyche from listening, but he had to put up the illusion of privacy. Judging from their overtly feigned ignorance and they way they lunged into a seeming personal conversation for supposed strangers, he suspected they knew exactly what was in this envelope before he’d opened it. “Pax, what dodgy thing did you do to get it and what are you getting at by pretending to offer this to me?”

“I haven’t done anything dodgy to get this,” Pax said. His fingers made a metallic clacking noise as they shuffled along his utility belt. “I was talking to your step-mom—”

“Aunt,” Psyche interrupted both their and her and Merry’s conversation. “Step-mom feels weird.”

“Auntie,” Pax corrected. “About your situation—”

Betrayal twisted Calex’s stomach. He hadn’t felt comfortable telling anyone, including Psyche, about his family’s financial situation. Now she was yapping to others? But… there was no way. He just spoke of it a few minutes ago…

“—with the whole Pax Pharmaceutical Company drugging and kidnapping you and causing you all that trauma,” Pax said flippantly.

Calex stared. “Pardon?”

“Pax Pharmaceuticals is currently going through a rebranding, but it would really hurt our image if word got out that members of the organization had done some nasty things.”

“Wait—” Calex could never forget the horrible events Pax was referencing—a year ago when Santiago Pax kidnapped all of them, drugged he and Merry, and killed Joey Song, Euna’s sister. That wasn’t where his confusion lay. “You’re actually bribing me?” he asked. Pax had been as much a traumatized victim as the rest of them.

In the bluntest answer Pax had ever said to him, the young Mayan gave him a sly smile. “Yes. Happy Bribe Day.”

“I put my hush money into a fund for Nikhil to go to university,” Merry said cheerily. “And he thought it was for us to go to Disney.”

“How cruel,” Psyche said.

Calex swallowed, staring at the check. “Psyche… you threatened to sue him?”

“Threatened is a strong word,” Pax said.

Psyche took a sip from her drink and gave him one of those dazzling smiles. Her wings fluttered.

Calex didn’t like the idea of owing this dodgy bloke a favor, even if the favor was silence. As he stared at the digits, he thought about how long this check would last them if Winston downsized their housing and they were careful. The money he made from his summer job could go towards plane tickets to visit his mates in America and, like how Merry was using hers, maybe go into a college fund for Gretchen. And, if they accepted it, at least then he’d know any money Gretchen made would go towards new clothing instead of rent.

“I’m thinking about using Kally’s money to take her on some surprise vacations,” Pax said.

Merry clucked her tongue. “Using hush money from a kidnapping to fund further kidnappings. Pax, you naughty one.”

“Oh!” He snapped his fingers, fishing out another envelope. “Wait—Calex, this is more important. Here is your birthday gift.”

After the first envelope’s content, Calex was worried. He tore it open to look inside, wondering if he should wait until later—

And found a depiction of a colossal weasel attacking Big Ben with what Calex could only assume was a stick-figure version of himself hanging out of the animal’s mouth.

He wanted to express to Pax how much he hated him, but couldn’t rectify that with the weird need to give the boy a hug.

Instead, Calex took something out of Axel’s old book of Etiquette in the Face of Pax and simply sighed, deciding to worry over the check later and enjoy the party.

Although the odd intermixing of groups was a right mess, Calex had a fantastic time. He enjoyed watching Paul and Oliver fawn hopelessly over Euna, Psyche, and Kally, watching Kally and Paul argue over football, and watching Psyche awkwardly dodge around Pax’s audacious humor. Poor Kally didn’t know what to do when Pax turned on his charm full blast.

Calex had to wonder what his mates would say if Eros really did show up. Others had said they could see the resemblance between the two of them. Would Paul and Oliver lose their minds to hear about Calex’s biological dad?

All that faded away though when the best birthday present possible walked into the restaurant. Calex was in mid-laugh, watching Pax snark one of the fizzy drinks up his nose when he saw Lacy and Mitchell—children of Aphrodite that he’d shared a cabin with last year—step inside. Behind them, the lanky, nervous figure of Winston came through, babbling about being late. Lastly, there were four teenage girls.

Three of them were people he hadn’t really seen much since they moved to St. Albans from their tiny flat in London when Calex was very young. One, a teenage girl with black-streaked blonde hair and punk clothing, winked at him, and he knew he would have to pretend he hadn’t seen her within the last year.

Lastly, came a beautiful girl with frizzy black hair, caramel eyes, and a deep tan. She wore punk clothing that ought to have died a decade earlier, though Calex was certain she’d gotten them from the blonde. Calex had to marvel over how the fierceness in Gretchen’s eyes reminded him of Tiwa’s.

They roamed inside as though their presence had nothing to do with the party—except that two of the girls, Liz and Emma if he remembered properly, where giggling and gasping at Calex’s presence. Gretchen always hated it when her friends got crushes on him.

On their way to a booth in the corner, the blonde nudged Gretchen’s arm and whispered to her. “Come onnn, Gretch. Your brother isn’t half as annoying as mine.”

Gretchen sighed, jammed her hands into her pockets, and glared at Calex. “Happy birthday or whatever,” she said.

Those were the first words she had said to him in weeks.

Calex knew she’d be furious if made a deal out of it.

Before he could bollocks the situation, she and her friends continued to the booth, away from the rest of them. Calex smiled after them, tuning out the noise from the other party guests. Although he still missed his mum and brother, everything felt… lighter…

When Calex brought his attention back to Pax’s antics, Psyche caught his eye and tilted her glass towards him.

Calex tilted his—now a proper pint—back towards her. She was right. He still needed to find a way to thank her, Merry, and Gretchen for making this day a brilliant one. For now, he decided he would keep true to their toasting, and live life to the fullest in honor of those he missed.

Footnotes:

[1] Calex would CRINGE at how full of himself this makes him sound. He would like to apologize and offer Pax shirts to all.

[2] Pike’s betaediting comment: “We slaughtered an ox right quick to honor God, no big deal, a little off, I suppose, but not any weirder than anything those hooligans get to after the World Cup.”

[3] Much to Calex’s irritation and frustration at which people she looks at as love interests.

[4] British Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs

[5] Forward for Arsenal. Ehem. Until Manchester United, Kally’s favorite team, swiped him in 2018. However, in this book series’ timeline, Alexis would have just started his Arsenal career. Can you imagine the look of horror on Calex’s face when he found out one of Arsenal’s best players was being transferred to Kally’s team?

[6] Mel suggests a quick dip in the River Lithe. Supposedly cures that RIGHT up.

Thank you for the read! And thanks for the request from anon!

#Traitors of Olympus #Short story #PJO #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #HOO #fanfiction #OC #Calex Rupin McKenzie #Psyche #Jason #Piper #Pax #Euna #Kally #Merry #Sadie (spot the sadie!)#Sorry I disappeared for so long!#Should be back to full gear in about a week or two!

5 notes · View notes

richigneven · 7 years

Text

Buenos Aires Calling!

The signs could not have been much better: My first ‘vacation’ lasting more than a week since the awesome festival so called “gneven im grünen”, three concert tickets for my more or less favorite band ‘die toten hosen’- a band I have followed along down the road, which not only makes good music but also supports smaller bands, ethical correct NGO´s and sometimes even play in your living room if you are lucky AND the promising city of Buenos Aires, which goes as the Berlin of South America, or not even Latino American anymore. So my expectations were quite high as well, still they s were exceeded...

My hostel was great, although I arrived way too early they welcomed me with breakfast and showers. As I did not take the first internet recommendation I ended up in a 100% spanish-speaking community, from which a few studied and others sadly escaping war in Venezuela and some others doing whatever. Crazy those two things, first I could never do my exchange semester out of a dormitory, as I already troubled falling a sleep when not completely wasted- how do people snore louder than a airplane taking off? Second why have we reached the point that people need to escape their homes again and shouldnt we welcome them a little more than given them a bed in return of work? You find Venezuelans everywhere in South America right now...

Anyway, I wanted to get to know this European city, which at first glance showed off with nice facades, broken sidewalks and a walkable traffic situation (remember Im used to Lima at the moment, I actually got quite a cultural shock when people actually followed traffic rules and not everyone looked quite similar). I did a walking tour, and right away I saw it at its best, stunning buildings and cemeteries everywhere(at least in the right suburb..) Btw the popularity of their steaks is based on the flatness of the countryside of Argentina, cows actually do have some space to walk around and not need to be cooped up in some stall. Afterwards, I stumbled around myself, and by this is into a huge demonstration. All kinds of human protested in favor of rights for everybody, especially Woman and the LGBT scene. Every of the last ten years more than 200 women has be mudered by their husband or partners, I have heard about it before, but seeing the demonstration showed me how serious the issue is and how many must have suffered domestic violence. I followed along and was quite impressed by the creativity and number of participants. It seems like still the authorities dont really care, as this has been run for over a year now...

it really was endless...

I bet a better photografer would have made a good pic out of that!

Rushed from the energy of the protests I had a buncher Spätibeer (cerveza de ciosco) and decided to go see my friend from my old exchange semester in good old fresno..So we met 9 years ago and havent seen since. Ines were just working in a restaurant and I already had a few beers too many. So after she invited me for two more I tried too call it a night, which is always hard when you in a foreign city for the first time 10km away from your bed and trying to go by public transport. AllI know, I woke up in my hostel the next day and some blurry memories sitting in some other bar with some Germans, but I dont know why. Alright lets face it, probably the craving for more beer.

In the morning, I realized today would be the day I have never really imagined to become true. Seeing “Los Hosen” in Buenos Aires is said to be special. I always wanted to know what´s about it, because special is also sitting one hour in the” Berlin Ringbahn” and drink beer or the Chinese Wall, but neither gets a lot of my attention. After another day of enjoying various parts of the city I went in front of the venue, Museum, a buncher years ago crashed the stage in the second song and the concert was over. The first guys I approached were already a win in the lottery and I could not have asked for more. Spätibeer here and there and talks about everything what my Spanish has to offer. The show was crazy, a venue like SO36, long and narrow. A small terrace all around from which Campino (singer) jumped into the crowd and somehow mad his way back, totally red, as people did not want to let him go...A few punch were needed so he reached the stage again.

The crowd of 800-1000, of which maybe 100 were German, freaked out at pretty much every single song. Decent singing along but even harder dancing along. Everybody full of energy, led by a Band which noticeably enjoyed to be part of it once again. After the concert I went further to a few more Bars or you could call it Club even, energy for those after concerts partys I usually do not have after concerts in Germany. This night, I got a ride home, across the entire city, letting somebody out at the bus station apparently is no option when you their “guest”.

Party people

The same reason, the next day, I was invited to a match of one of the biggest football teams over there.. Boca Juniors, it was really interesting to see such a steep stadium which shacks because everybody jumps and how fascinated all the players and fans are. But I certainly have friends which can analyze those events way more. Side note: Argentina has stopped to allow fans of the visiting teams for all league games, in order to prevent violence. A working approach, but defiantly not in the sense of the sport.

A couple more or less boring hard working days for my uni were interrupted by a Cover concert and even more interesting of a Concert of the Magic Mystery tour show in a house in Buenos Aires. You can apply ahead and if you lucky the Hosen come to give a show and the fans possibly destroy all you have. I talked to many people who at least once tried it, but these gigs are quite precious. Getting inside this house was not possible, but through same delays in my taxi I arrived for the last few songs of the concert, which was totally sufficient for me. Except the drummer, everybody got outside of the house once and of course Campino climbed every fence there exist on the premises. Afterwards, a little party in front of the fence took place and once again a intercultural understanding with hands and legs. Knowing a few words of Spanish certainly made the situation even more fun and allowed me buying beer in the cioscos around, which was hard as for some reasons they only wanted to sell cold beer, but to understand this I almost failed.

Campino not only gave its best during the show, the aftershowparty he won against everybody!

In front of the fence, it was still cleanable afterwards, nobody know about inside

Wow Wednesday already, but still two more official shows to go! The German Hosen fans, organized a bus tour to the town of the next venue, La Plata, which is 1-2 hours down south from BA. Ive almost missed the bus, due to lets face it: Hangoverness but also Credit Card issues, during which I kind of realized how screwed you could be in a foreign country. But all worked out and with 1 hour delay and a busdriver who ask after 1 hour ride where he actually supposed to head we were almost at our first stop: The barbeque party in some Argentina´s house. The owner just decided to through a party for everybody who wanted to come and as it was somebody´s birthday the owner bought beer and steaks for the most of them. (unluckily no grilled cheese, but this time people were at least to buy warm beer in the Späti next door) So i tackled my hangover from last night with a few beers and it become a really nice get-together with people from all parts of society, ages and regions of Germany and Argentina. The good bye was a kiss for the woman living there for everybody and the last existing steaks as “Schnittchen” for later. When was the last time you invited 70 unknown people to your backyard and when it comes to cleaning up they all get in a bus and you give them food and beer for the road? Arriving in front of the venue the people once again couldnt even wait to party on and sang along the sound check inside which was with the song “Reisefieber”, so an old and popular one, this was promising. I dedicated myself to socialize and to the Späti´s around so once inside It starts to be more of a blur...I remember a few songs, some crowdsurfing, an amazing venue as very wide, once again energized Hosen, more beer(in cans btw) and a few special acts. Is there anything more to ask for? Claro, afterparty, but this is even more of a blur...With many more beer and whatsoever for everybody who was tired or just wanted to be sure to make it a good night we drove through la plata and some other parties over there...At some point i recall 7 people, from which I knew 1 slightly before but good times. At some point at 6 or 7 we returned to BA, I was already sleeping in the car for a while. But the others were still going strong not being tired at the moment. Such a day, no shower, one more sip of beer and straight to bed. I reckon I will never get closer to Punk rock than this before.

Days with the most drinks, usually the ones with the fewest pictures for me ;)

Next day started slowly, ended slowly but again a Coverband concert, Peru tied Argentina, so know it´s very interesting who is going to qualify and another day I made a nice tour through the party area of Palermo with two new friends. The show on Saturday was in a huge venue of 5000-7000 people. The living room of the Ramones, they said. Many other guest, setlist switched again and At least the first third of the concert everybody went crazy once more. With forgoing time, people got more relaxed and only half of the stadium jumped along..I mobilized my last strength and had an amazing time. Meeting people in the crowed I have met during the last week and giving them a possible last high five or smile.

Los hosen more or less announced the location of the aftershow party: the club we went the week before but I called it a night in some bar close to my hostel. A friend gave me his sweater to show once more how welcome I am here. Lots of promises of reuniting in whatever part of the world were mad and at some point I went home to my Hostel. I´m not sure if or when I will see this city and especially all those nice people again. But the times, friendlyness and in all kinds of situation and circumstances they gave me here will always be reminded in my brain and my heart. I now understand when los Hosen say they do not come for the music, they come to meet the people, I seldom received such a warm welcome of different people in various situations in several forms. As always I hope to be able to return the favor in a place where I can show people around and gave them a good time, but for now I can just say thank you!

rocknroll

last beer, this time for sure!

more impressions:

there he is!

street art

subway art

maybe next time Ill tell you about my first Spanish interview! ;)

#hastaluego #hastalamuerte #buenosaires #dietotenhosen #cerveza

1 note · View note

docboots · 5 years

Text

(PotDA 11) The Professional Patient

It has been a year since my upper teeth were ripped out. While some of the updates to my life are good, there are plenty more issues that rise up. Specifically in how much I feel I need to do before and while I continue to try and get my teeth removed. Though, at this point, it is bringing myself to actually make the appointment. The machismo from the adrenaline has worn off, and I find myself terrified of another go. While the pain was not spread over a weak like the torment I am used to, the agony of the removal of my teeth sticks with me. While I can take comfort in it as inspiration for horror plots and ponderings that hopefully will become the horror stories to define my legacy one day, but the terror of another go holds me back. Like it did in writing this.

I suppose, at this point, you could clearly call my focus on the health care system a bit of an obsession. Though, I personally do not know how I should otherwise approach a situation as I have experienced. The years go by, and still, I have more to write and ramble about. Still, I have more that makes my mind throb with conflicting emotions of manic outrage and debilitating depression. All the while the buzz of anxiety add to the haze, while the ADHD warps me completely. Fuels the fire of the rest by being the name for a peculiarity in my mind I had since I was born, I’d imagine, as I was diagnosed with it at the age of 5. However, I’ll get to the bumblefuck that was my ADHD treatment (or lack thereof for the past decade) in the next ramble. This one is to bridge the gap I mentioned in the last one.

As a brief recap, on March 23, 2018, I went in to have all of my teeth removed. This was required as a lifetime of one of my disease’s flare-ups mixed with a decade (around 16-20 to a week ago. More on that later.) of the issues of suddenly taken off medicine for your ADHD and forced to stay off it no matter how many damn doctors/shrinks/pill-shrinks you see explaining your symptoms causing the stress to increase and the flare-ups to become more frequent. The constant vomiting exacerbated an issue a sugary diet may have caused and utterly demolished my teeth little by little. However, thanks to complications from how infected these teeth had become (having been unable to do anything due to co-pay costs, then not having insurance, then Medicaid being a headache to find anyone to be able to get it fixed) which lead to a few hours of pulling, waiting, pulling, blah blah… I was referred to an oral surgeon.

Which is where the Health Insurance Shenanigans begins. I am quite familiar with these shenanigans, as they have been happening since I started. You see, the many different Nevada Medicaid healthcare providers who have insured me will have a list of the different doctors that will take your insurance. It sometimes might even claim to be able to tell you if they accept patients. This would be highly convenient if it did as it said. Instead, whenever I wanted to find a doctor, I would have to go down the list and call them one at a time. The moment Medicaid is mentioned, their tone sours ever so slightly. They tell you that, regardless of what the list on my provider’s own list says, they do not take Medicaid. The other constant was that if they DID, they were full on patients. If the did and they had openings, it is months down the line. When you need to find multiple specialists to deal with multiple issues caused by the same illness, this gets highly agitating. Frustrating as the ones I believed I could complain to like to assure me they understand it as. Why I do not believe them is they also seem surprised at how FUCKING PISSED OFF fucking up my health makes me.

Remember these shenanigans, I will be bringing them up often.

On March 6th, 2018 I received a letter from the allergist, who had been (poorly) helping me with my HAE care, that my care with them has suddenly been terminated. Now, I had only a few months prior FINALLY received from this doctor a pair of highly useful medications. In between the belittling, lecturing, and talking down to I got more than treatment, I finally was prescribed HAEGARDA and FIRAZYR. The first being a medication I WAS taking twice a week. It was rather painful for 15 minutes upon injection, but that cleared up quickly. The other was to be used in the event of swelling, injected like an Epipen (WHICH IT GOD DAMN ISN’T) might be at the moment of attack. With these two medicines, I had been comfortable enough to make my appointment with the dentist in the first place, which after a few appointments before I received the letter had been set for March 23rd.

Suddenly I received that letter, which was soon followed by the provider of the two medicines telling me my YEAR LONG PRESCRIPTIONS with them had suddenly been pulled. Something they were confused about, MUCH LIKE IS WAS. Upon calling my allergist’s office, I learned that the reason had been APPARENTLY I wasn’t taking it. Which is confusing, as I had been, and had only missed the one appointment before the letter thanks to the INFECTION IN MY GUMS I NEEDED REMOVED along with all the other damn issues I was having and trying to mix making me have troubles sleeping and making an early morning appointment. Something that I apparently need to suck up.

This reasoning SHOULD have been easily refuted by the constant deliveries of the medicine TO MY DOOR. The nurse that had come and taught me to use these medicines, THEIR APPROVAL THAT I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. As well me having sharps container with plenty of the injection needles I used. They did not wish for any of this, and after angry demands given I HAD A SURGERY APPOINTMENT for my teeth which has a DAMN HISTORY of causing swelling of the throat. So they extended it for 30 days, a bridge period, after constant calls that now just sit in my head like an angry flurry. Mixing them up, but the point is I had to FIGHT to make sure I had enough of the medicine for my blood disease so I could go through the dental procedure with the lost chance of a POSSIBLY FATAL flare-up. Fun.

So, once I was healed up after the dental appointment so I could start calling and get the bottoms removed… The Healthcare Shuffle appeared! This is when I tried to call the Oral Surgeon I was referred to, they said they never received it. I call the Dentist who sent it and they said they sent it to my insurance. I call my insurance and they first said they haven’t received it. Later say they do and sent it but the Oral Surgeon never got it. WHILE all this was happening, a far more problematic issue arose. Keep in mind, this is all happening as I am still getting over the fact I now have these annoying dentures that I am STILL angry over.

The medicine ran out. So, of course, I had to find someone new to prescribe me it. This had the issue of me needing to FIND someone who would do this. The Primary Care Physician that I had was uncertain himself and kept telling me he knew nothing about the disease. After explaining, he referred me to a Hematologist and Allergist… IN VEGAS. (This is 8 hours away from me on a good day or requires an hour and a half plane trip for something I likely need to do multiple times. I live in a city, not a small town. That has MANY ALLERGISTS AND HEMATOLOGISTS.)

Annoyed by this, and after Medicaid Shenanigans, I eventually got an Allergist and a Hematologist referral. Upon calling the Hematologist, they refused! I was highly confused, as they kept repeating that I should go to an allergist. They don’t treat allergies. Hereditary Angioedema is a blood disease. NOT an allergy. Apparently, nothing can be done and I have still yet to see a hematologist. Joy. The reason? Even though I explained extensively this was a genetic blood disease and the symptoms only could be COMPARED to an allergy to stress. IT DOES NOT REACT TO ALLERGY MEDS. An epipen makes the area I inject just swell up yet give me the energy for my skeleton to feel like it wants to run around the block without the rest of me.

So, not surprising, this caused a lot of issues with swelling. Inevitably, I had an episode involving my gastrointestinal system. This time, it was bad enough I couldn’t seem to use medical marijuana to cover the symptoms until I was well and had water in me. So one Ambulance ride later I am in a hospital bed… Oh, wait, no, I am at the front desk of the emergency room waiting for a bed for a bit. Until I puke enough to be a disturbance. However it still takes quite a while before I get the main thing I want and have been kept from thanks to my body violently puking it up. I wanted an IV with something to hydrate me. The drugs could wait untiul the doctor, but as time went by and it felt like an eternity, I kept being told by all the people checking on me that I had to wait for a doctor to get my damn liquid.

All the while my fiance and my father are both helping explain that this was, without any doubt, an attack from my blood disease. It was an hereditary angioedema attack, blah blah… My discharge papers (useful in tracking my disorder and proving problems.) instead say it is some ‘unspecified vomiting type’ instead of maybe ‘blood disease triggered vomiting’ or ‘HAE triggered vomiting’, ‘genetic disorder triggered vomiting’. Think you get the point, more something that proved the medical staff were actually listening to my concerns. Attempts to fix this so I had proof with disability was met with them saying once that is written down it is permanent.

Then, five months later, it happened again.

Luckily, the Allergist I eventually found turned out to actually have heard and seen a couple others who had this disorder. He knew of medicines and, instead of feeling like I needed to teach my doctors… I was given hope! I was given a vial of Firazyr. He said it was extending an olive branch, and I feel this will be what I remember when I try to think of the emotions needed to write a scene similar. I have never felt hope like I have then. Hope that likes to come and go, but at least I have one doctor at-bat for me.

Until a couple of months ago as of March 20th, 2019, I FINALLY was put on a new medication. Tahkzyro which I take twice a month. HOWEVER, I am still getting push back when it comes to getting the Firazyr, which would help me with my anxiety over the next surgery to remove my bottoms. Which, now that I have Tahkzyro, I once more have to take on HealthCare shenanigans to try and figure out who gets the god damned honor of removing my teeth. As the ones I was referred to HAVE the damn referral… But they don’t take Medicaid. SEEMS THE INFECTION IN MY BOTTOM TEETH GETS TO STAY! Just get to keep draining that thing myself. GUESS WE ARE FRIENDS FOREVER, ME AND THIS INFECTED TOOTH! Though it is crumbling away like the rest. It is down to the gums now. Though, I would like the Firazyr so I can inject myself IMMEDIATELY upon noticing my throat swelling. Never been asphyxiated but something tells me it ISN’T ALL THE FUN AN END! Especially at twenty fucking eight. So you can see my troubles. That doctor is still great, and makes a good point, I just think I need to make myself a bit clearer.

The years feel like they become less and less about me finding my place in this world, healing, and learning but instead more and more about me working as quality control for a broken system with no desire to fix itself. With every passing event involving them, I feel less like a patient and more like the data point I clearly am. With articles full of professionals professionally talking about diseases and medicines without much mention or care for the patients. The ones who that was made for.

For patients like me to heal. Not for people to make money. That is a side-effect of the job they signed up for. To fucking CARE for your goddamn patients. Not be coerced into giving meds left and right (or taking them away as a debate on whether or not ADHD FUCKING EXISTS goes on) or whether you believe the name given to the collection of symptoms I show. My disorders are not Cryptids. I have blood tests, medical papers, and diagnoses. Not blurry pictures of my blood viewed through a slide where fragments of the disease are seen peeking over their shoulder as they rush into a forest of red blood cells.

My particular disorders that I had since birth (ADHD and HAE) were caused by my body’s INABILITY to produce something. So if someone who CAN produce it takes it (least in the sense of ADHD as I doubt anyone else will benefit from a c1-inhibitor. No more than insulin if they aren’t in need of it like a diabetic) then of COURSE something different will happen. Of course, they might get high. That is not my fault as the patient it was made for.

As the point I am trying to make is that I do not feel I have been treated as a patient, I feel I am given more paperwork and calls than a cubicle worker. I feel I have to study more about the laws and practices to keep myself from being further burned. In between the Madness. The Pain. The Suffering that ALL OF THIS has inflicted on me. In between the new disorders this has caused me, particularly my obsession.

All I can think of is how to fix this. How I keep seeing articles, posts, and websites full of cries for help at a broken system. Of people fucked over, lacking their medicine, and the only ones getting the fucking attention are the dipshits who thought that taking someone else’s necessity would be a good way to get high. A good way to ‘focus’. To ‘relax’. While you use that as a fucking excuse to let people like me suffer, and further excuse it by brushing us into a group of people who just ‘slipped through the cracks’.

This obsession has grown now. Especially from the subject of the next article, ADHD meds from the perspective of someone who was one them from the age of 5, had them taken somewhere between the ages of 16 and 20 (my memory is incredibly hazy in this period thanks to the damn medicine being taken away) and getting only mild relief from marijuana replenishing my Dopamine… But that isn’t all Marijuana does nor all ADHD needs. I FINALLY am being treated, though it is just beginning. Still need to find MY medicine. It only took a decade for them to admit they were screwing with me. The lengths of my rage, again, is the subject of the next article.

This one was about how this madness turned me into someone who believes his job is to be a Professional Patient. Being talked into long commutes, long waits waiting for a doctor who will drop you for being late when they are constantly 45 to an hour late. Constantly filling out paperwork and debating about the fact my problems EXIST. Being treated as too young to be suffering. To the point, I don’t know what else to do. When you are too fucked up to work, explained in an earlier article, too fucked around for college, and the only thing you can apparently do is smash your rage against a keyboard and hope spreading your story around for no one to read will get something done.

If not? Then no matter what happens. If I die from malpractice or my disease, if I am killed, if I am silenced. My words on how this bullshit has made me feel will be, hopefully, somewhere.

The internet is notorious for being difficult to clean thoroughly, after all. If you do a little light digital legwork with the intention of being annoying as all hell. Especially since I got denied for disability again. Next time, I have to go to federal court apparently. JOLLY GEE GOODIE.

#nonfiction #Medicaid #Hereditary Angioedema #genetics and heredity #disability #us healthcare #us health insurance #reno #renown #suffering #blood disease #disease #rant #medical malpractice

1 note · View note

snickerl · 7 years

Text

Elixir Vitae

AU fanfic set around the time of IWTB.

A/N: This might be the penultimate chapter, I’m not sure yet.

Find previous chapters here: Chapter I / Chapter II / Chapter III / Chapter IV / Chapter V / Chapter VI / Chapter VII / Chapter VIII / Chapter IX / Chapter X / Chapter XI

Chapter XII

Pete Randall, the detective in charge of the case which had gotten us into this mess, has just called, and I’m still shaking because of the information he gave me. When Scully enters the living room I’m still staring at the phone in my hand. She takes it from me and puts it on the coffee table.

“Who was that on the phone? You look a bit tense, Mulder.”

“That was, uh, Detective Randall. You know, the one who’s been assigned to the case of the serial killer who…” I can’t finish the sentence, my feelings about this whole case are still too raw.

Scully, on the other hand, is disturbingly unfazed and completes my sentence without hesitation, “…abducted me.”

“Right.”

“What did he want?”

If I could only keep her away from what he wanted. I’m afraid it is going to heighten her trauma again. We’ve settled into a lovely rhythm by now, living almost like any other couple. Almost, as she’s still suffering from memory gaps. Some of them smaller, some huge. Some of minor importance, some essential. But still, I could go on like this, and I’m not sure that what Detective Randall asked her to do won’t throw us back to where we started.

“Any progress with the case?”

“Well…yes,” I admit somewhat reluctantly.

“That’s great,” she exclaims happily, her joyful demeanor cooling down when I’m not joining in. “Is it not?” she asks, apparently confused.

“I guess it is.”

“You guess?”

I avoid looking at her and play with the remote control I’m holding in my hand to keep my fingers occupied. I was watching TV when the phone rang and put it on mute before I answered it.

She places herself next to me on the couch, takes the remote from me and puts her hand on my forearm. “Mulder, what’s wrong?”

“They caught the guy.”

“And that isn’t good?”

“It is,” I say.

“Then I don’t understand why you are so unemotional about it.”

I turn to her and take her hands in mine. Drawing little circles on their backs with my thumbs I let her know what’s bothering me, and, actually, I’m very emotional about it. Emotional and deeply convinced that this is a very bad idea.

“Detective Randall wants you to come in for a lineup. You’re…uhm, you’re the only surviving victim.”

She yanks her hands out of my grip, she’s obviously not so unfazed about it after all. She kneads her fingers so hard I hear them creak. “Randall is sure it’s him?”

“Yes. He finally made a mistake and left his DNA on his latest victim. They ran it through the database and had a match. His name is Stud Herman. He’s been on the records for sexual molestation since his early twenties but has never been accused of a major crime. They’re still trying to figure out when he went from molesting to killing.”

“There’s been another victim?” she asks, stretching herself to appear demure.

I don’t want to upset her, and this is going to upset her, but I also know she won’t let go until I give her all the information I have. “Yes, a 56-year-old woman from Arlington. Unremarkable housewife, slightly overweight, brunette.” I hesitate before I add, “his usual type of prey.”

Her face crumbles to pieces. “I was lucky,” she whispers in a feeble voice.

I can’t whole-heartedly agree. She was taken by a serial killer, locked up against her will for months, something was done to her to make her lose her memory, and eventually, she was abandoned in the cold. He wanted her to die in that parking lot, he simply didn’t know what a tenacious woman she was. She wasn’t lucky, she’s his victim like all the others.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Without looking up she says, “No, I owe it to the other women who weren’t lucky enough to be redheads, and to those who might become his victims if we let him waltz out of this. But what if I don’t recognize him? What if he is in the lineup and I can’t tell? I would be serving him a free ticket out of jail.”

“They have his DNA, Scully,” I remind her to take some of the pressure off, “that’s credible evidence.”

I know as much as she does that if Herman was identified in a lineup by a former Special Agent with the FBI it would be much more than just credible evidence, it would be a lottery ticket for the district attorney. So, yes, she will be under pressure, and that’s exactly why I loathe the idea of her doing this.

“When does Randall want me to come in?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Okay,” she gets up from the couch in a swift move, “let me take a quick shower and get changed, then we’ll go.”

Her ‘quick’ shower lasted more than half an hour, a clear sign she’s not really ready to do it. But Scully wouldn’t be Scully if she’d let herself be ruled by concerns for her personal well-being, so I drove her into the city for her to face her tormentor. When I opened the door to the precinct and made her pass through it in front of me, I couldn’t keep myself from putting my hand at the small of her back. It’s a reflex I’ve cultivated years ago, rooted deeply in my desire to protect her, wanting her to know I’m right behind her covering her back.

I spot Detective Randall at his desk, a phone at his ear.

We've known each other since we met at Violent Crimes, both of us rookies on their first assignments after having left the Academy. For the time we worked together, we’d established something similar to a friendship. We went for an after-work beer now and then or met in the park on a Sunday to shoot hoops. I even attended his wedding. He’s one of the many people I missed staying in touch with after I’d started drowning myself in the X-Files.

“Gotta go,” he shouts into the mouthpiece when he sees us and throws the receiver onto the cradle. He jumps out of his chair and waves at us. “Mulder, my friend, over here!”

I wave back, we close the gap between us and pull each other in a short hug. When we break apart, he turns to Scully.

“Dana, so good to see you again. Thanks for coming and doing this.” He takes Scully’s hand compassionately in both of his and squeezes it gently.

Pete visited us a few times after I brought her home. Initially, he came to get a testimony from Scully, but a witness with amnesia isn’t a reliable source of information, so he quickly put his legal pad aside and just came for coffee from then on. He’s was truly moved by what had happened to Scully and wanted to stay in the loop about how we were doing. It’s quite a ride to our house from the city, so his visits became less frequent, but he’d call me every other week just to check on us. Only that I never told Scully to avoid having to talk to her about the non-existent developments in the case; non-existent until today.

“I hear your recovery is progressing slowly but that you are getting better. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and this dude here,” he puts his hand on my shoulder, “I’ve never seen him so broken and unable to function like during your abduction. Let me introduce you to Officer Jensen. He’ll conduct the lineup.”

“I thought you were going to do it, Pete,” I say, not hiding my surprise.

“I’m sorry, guys, I can’t. I have to get my butt to court for a testimony.” He glances at his watch. “Oooh, I’m late already. Jenson is a good officer. Young, but very zealous.” He looks around the precinct while he’s grabbing his jacket and slipping it on. Finally, his eyes lighten up and he yells through the room, beckoning a young man over, “Jensen!” When said Jenson joins us, he introduces us. “This is my old friend Fox Mulder. We met at the Academy. And this is his wife who came here to identify Stud Herman. I’ve got to testify in the Sanders trial in…twenty minutes, so I want you to take care of the lineup.”

“Alright, Sir,” the young man answers in a very obedient manner, only short of clicking his heels, so it seems. I’m not sure I want us to be taken care of by this guy. He’s a baby, who looks like he left the Academy last week. I doubt he’s qualified to handle the situation. The lineup in itself will be stressful enough for Scully, I don’t want her to be exposed to any more discomfort than absolutely necessary because of an inexperienced police officer being in charge.

Unperturbed by my grim look, Pete pats me on the shoulder again and throws Scully a friendly look. “See ya, I’ve gotta run!” he says, and off he is.

I’m a bit perplexed about his sudden and unexpected exit, moreover, not very pleased. But now that we’re here, it wouldn’t make any sense to schedule a new appointment and leave. It would stress Scully even more. So I look at Officer Jensen, waiting for him to say something, but all he’s doing is smile stupidly at us.

Eventually, I prompt impatiently, “Officer?” and Jensen clears his throat. “Uh, yes, this way, please.”

He turns his back to us and walks away. Scully and I look at each other and shrug. “We may as well expect the worst,” I mumble under my breath when I nudge her to follow him, and Scully chuckles. When we’re past the door to the lineup room, at the transparent side of a one-way mirror, Officer Jensen turns around abruptly and we almost run into him.

“Let me explain the procedure to you, Ma'am,” he says.

I beg your pardon?

“It’s Agent, Officer, not Ma'am,” I hiss, and our baby officer instantly blushes. “My wife is a Special Agent with the FBI and I demand you address her according to her rank.”

“Mulder,” Scully mollifies me. Looking at Officer Jensen and smiling at him - smiling? - she says, “I’m not with the FBI anymore so my last name will be just fine.”

“Okay, Mrs. Mulder, then let’s-”

I think I’m boiling over.

“Scully, you moron!” I shout. “It’s Doctor Scully! Not Ma'am, not Mrs. Mulder, but Doctor Scully! Are you even familiar with the facts of this case?”

“Ugh, yes, Sir, I am. I’ve been on the squad since day one,” he hurries to explain.

“Fine! In this case, you should know that the full name of my wife, former,” I smirk at Scully, “FBI Agent, is Doctor Dana Katherine Scully. She’d been held captive by your suspect before he abandoned her in a parking lot at night. She survived, albeit with memory gaps, but she agreed to do this lineup regardless of her poor health to help you throw this killer into prison. So, Officer Jensen, would you please have the decency to treat your witness with the respect she deserves?”

“Yes, Sir! Of course, Sir! I’m terribly sorry, Doctor Scully,” Officer Jensen says toward Scully, and I can tell he really is sorry. Drops of sweat appear on his forehead and I bet he curses his detective for having left him here with us. So do I, actually.

“It’s alright, Officer,” Scully says and I can’t believe how calm she is. Isn’t this clown of a police officer driving her crazy like he is driving me crazy?

“Uhm, okay. Well, then, Doctor Scully, the suspect along with other men of similar height, build, and complexion will line up behind this one-way mirror to allow you to remain anonymous and-”

I groan. What the hell is he doing? Is he really explaining the setup of a police lineup to an FBI agent? Former FBI agent. I groan again.

Former FBI agent, it almost makes me laugh. Has she forgotten that she’d been helping me with getting Herman’s profile done? That she’d given me the decisive hint to fully understand him? Making herself a target along with it? She might not be on the FBI’s payroll anymore, but she helped to solve this case and is paying bitterly for it.

Scully must realize my growing impatience because before my stirred emotions get the better of me, she intervenes. “Yes, I am familiar with the procedure, Officer Jensen, thank you.”

“Ah, yes. Of course, of course,” the idiot stammers.

I dismissively click my tongue, loud enough for him to hear.

Scully pulls me away and whispers, “Mulder, would you mind waiting outside?”

“What?”

She wants me to leave?

“I think it’s better if Jensen and I do this alone.”

“Seriously? You want me to leave you alone with this newbie? He doesn’t know what he’s doing, Scully.”

“Probably, but I know what I’m doing, Mulder. You’ve got to stop believing I can’t take care of myself. I’m not-”

“-a tiny, brittle woman who needs me as her protector, I know.” Her look tells me she’s not convinced, so I say it again, a bit more emphatically, “I know!”

“What’s keeping you in here then?”

“Scully, I-”

“No, Mulder! I’m asking you to trust me. I can do this alone.”

I stare at her for a moment, speechless. I see the determination in her eyes. She’s made up her mind and there’s nothing more for me to say, so I leave the room accepting her wish, albeit not happy about it. Anyhow, I’ll be only a few feet away, able intervene any second if I have to. I’d kick in that door if necessary. Wouldn’t be the first time I kicked in a door she was behind.

When said door has been shut in front of my eyes, I take a seat at one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs which are to be found all over the place in this precinct. My left leg is bobbing frantically, but it’s not enough to vent my nervousness, so after a few minutes I jump up and start pacing the hallway. When I pass the lineup room, I put my ear to the door and try to eavesdrop. I don’t mind the depreciating stare of a female officer walking by.

Why are you staring at me like this? My wonderfully strong and courageous Scully’s in there, eye to eye with her tormentor, protected only by a thin pane of glass and a baby officer who probably doesn’t know how to hold a gun.

I know Herman can’t see her, can’t lay his dirty hands on her, but still, he’s going to make an impact on her, once again, and I hate him for it. Jesus, I can’t believe I’m letting this happen.

I know exactly what’s going on at the other side of the gray door I’m staring at. Six men are lining up in front of a wall with markings to aid identifying their height. For the lineup to be admissible as evidence in court, it must be conducted fairly. The police officer present, the Magnificent Jensen in our case, mustn’t say or do anything that persuades the witness to identify the suspect that they prefer. If he blows it, if Jensen allows himself the tiniest mistake and therefore renders the lineup useless in court, I swear to God, I’ll have him expelled from police service.

When I’m at the end of the hallway during one of my frantic passages, the door opens and Jensen and Scully step outside, talking silently to each other.

Wait a minute! Does he have his hand at the small of her back?

Hey, you feeb, that’s where my hand’s supposed to be, not yours! Take it off!

When he sees me and my somewhat angry face I suppose, he backs away from her and puts the hand out which only seconds ago has invaded the space that belongs to me, and my pulse slows down a bit.

Good God, since when am I so pathetically territorial?

“Thank you very much, Doctor Scully,” he says while shaking her hand.

At least, he’s minding his manners now.

“You’re welcome,” Scully says in return, smiling kindly at him.

“I’ll let you know when there are any developments.”

“I’d appreciate that, Officer Jensen. Thank you.”

With this, they part. Scully turns toward me, Officer Jensen only nods shortly in my direction and walks the other way. He’s obviously not very keen on talking to me anymore. I don’t blame him.

Scully’s demeanor is not giving away any clue about what had been going on in that room. Her shoulders are straightened, her chin is up, her strides are extensive and powerful. This definitely isn’t a brittle woman closing the gap between us.

I’m rooted to the spot because I’m not sure what to expect from her after my silly alpha-male behavior earlier. Still, when she’s right in front of me, my injured pride makes me ask, “why did you send me out of the room? I came here to back you up, Scully, not merely as your driver.”

“I know, but I had to send you out. I was afraid you’d jump right through the mirror and strangle Herman the second I identified him.”

“I would never do such a crazy thing!” I pout.

Okay, I might.

She grins, her eyes revealing she doesn’t believe me either but they also show a hint of gratitude.

“So? How did it go in there?”

“Good.”

“Was he…? I mean, did you…?”

“Yes, he was, and yes, I did.” When I look at her clearly indicating I’m waiting for more than this, she adds, “he was number four.”

“You recognized him.” She may consider this both as a statement or as a question, depending on whether she’s willing to tell me more of what happened in there.

She takes a long, deep breath and keeps the air inside her lungs for a moment before emitting it noisily. “Yes. I instantly recognized him. Jensen made them say a few words, but I didn’t need to hear his voice. His face was enough. His eyes…so cold and malicious.” She shudders briefly, then quickly recomposes herself. “His whole demeanor radiates malice and cruelty. He’s a mean person through and through. I’m so glad they got him. I will have to testify in court when they put him on trial.”

“Of course,” I say and just hope I will be able to control my temper when Herman’s attorney cross-examines her.

On the outside, she seems to be doing okay. She’s composed and calm, her facial expression is relaxed, her eyes crystal clear. But I know her. I’ve seen her putting this wall around her a million times before, and I am the only person save her mother who is able to look behind this facade. Over the years, I’ve acquired ample skills to read Scully’s demeanor and I know exactly that the lineup hasn’t left her cold like she wants to make me believe.

Although I don’t really expect an honest answer, I ask, “are you alright, Scully?”

“I’m fine, Mulder, just take me home.”

And my worst fears are proven to be true.

to be continued

#xf fanfiction #msr #protective mulder #courageous scully #I don't want this to end but it has to end at some point

9 notes · View notes

thiskulifefall18 · 5 years

Text

Residence Halls… Two Different Worlds

Prologue

It was the first week of our freshman year of college. New faces, from small towns that we have never heard of up to far away states, filled the campus. It was only normal to feel so lost. Some of us had a roommate we knew prior to college and just our belongings. Finally, we were on our own after all of these years. It was hard knowing what to do. Who should we talk to? Who wants to talk to us? All of these questions remained unanswered, until we walked into our residence halls. “Welcome to Kutztown University! We are happy to have you here,” exclaimed our building directors.

Right from there on out, everyone was so friendly. We were about to spend two semesters with these people, so why not make the best out of it? It was definitely hard from the start but it became easy to make things work. However, two questions came to all of our minds. Was everyone having a welcoming experience or a horrible one? Were all the halls similar? It was nearly impossible to know everyone's answer to those two questions, but that didn’t stop us from wondering.

Within the next few months, everyone started hearing stories. Whether they were good or bad, they were very interesting due to how different they were. We learned that the residence halls on campus are not comparable. They range from very strict, no tolerance rules to basically a free for all. All of us could name a handful of things that are drastically different in each hall. Living on campus in these buildings is an experience like no other. We will be diving into the good, the bad, and the ugly of these halls. It consists of four acts: Act I, “ Johnson’s Cup is Half Empty,” Act II “ Bonner’s Hoodrat Shenanigans,” Act III “One Big Family,” and Act IV “ Behind the Doors of Berks.”

Act II: Johnson’s cup is half empty

We all have expectations going into things that are unknown to us. I had expectations for my first day of middle school, high school, and even college. None of those Expectations being met. I thought of every college movie I had seen up to that point: Pitch Perfect, American Pie, Monster’s University to name a few. I watched hundreds of Youtube videos about what to Pack, and tips on having a successful year. Those movies and videos could not prepare me enough for what I was about to experience.

It was a pleasant surprise arriving to Kutztown on Move in Day. I had not toured Kutztown, nor was I planning on going to College. I still don’t think that the College life is for me. But here I am. When I arrived I was very anxious for I had not met my roommate yet , did not know what my dorm was going to look like, and I had no idea on where the fuck I was. I had no idea of all of the endless possibilities that laid ahead of me. My Parents and I had drove around for 20 minutes , before the people at the Fairgrounds assigned us to move into Johnson. I was looking left and right out the window looking for Johnson Hall, my future home. I had seen photos from Move In Day 2017 online, and it looked super chaotic. That’s when I knew I was where I was supposed to be. The DMZ filled with more cars than a car show, new student t shirts everywhere, and numerous camping sites with various boxes, tv’s, and bed supplies stationed everywhere.

We pulled up to Johnson hall, and it had looked like every other hall on the outside. I thought all of the dorms were the same. I was eager to put everything in my room and have the party start. I checked in and all of the staff seemed overly excited to have us move in. I was Hype, and this was just the beginning. I walk into room 124 and I notice how small it is. I had looked up photos of Johnson Hall online and it did not look half bad. I was semi frustrated because my roommate got there before I did and I could not choose what bed I wanted or what desk space felt right to me. I just went with it. I did not care that much, because I was just excited to get things rolling. My parents helped me move in, and left shortly after we said our goodbyes. Freedom.

Francesca ( my roommate) and I went to South because we were overly hungry. We got to south and met so many different people from all over campus. I swear the first question everyone asks you when they first meet you is “Where do you live?”. We responded with Johnson, and people looked at us with disbelief and started to pity us. The amount of people who said “Oh i'm so sorry that you have to live there” was repetitive and I felt like I already knew people's response who I had just met when we told them we lived at Johnson. Soon we felt awful that we lived there and it was only the first day. We were told how awful the dorm is and how there are so many better halls before we could even sleep there and find out for ourselves. It definitely set negative presumptions for the year.

We quickly unfolded the information that was ingrained in our heads ourselves within a weeks time. To say I did not have fun my first weeks here, I would be lying to you. It was a blast. All of the things wrong with Johnson didn't feel as bad then, because everything else was just so new. I was hardly in Johnson due to how stinking hot it was. It’s when things settled down that I noticed how unacceptable the hall was and still is.

There are lots of things that could be changed to make the hall a better and safer environment. No one respects the hall. The amount of unnecessary chaos that goes on is ridiculous. There are things that happen in every hall, such as loud music playing, the stinge of weed roaming the rooms and halls, and dealing with drunk, obnoxious people. But Johnson Hall is a disgrace to humanity. The amount of destruction to the hall is a bit over the charts.

The boy floors seeming to be the worse. There are numerous videos going around snapchat of the shenanigans that take place. Teenagers creating walls in the ceiling by kicking soccer balls as hard as they can. Longboarders running into walls, or mlb wanna bes throwing baseballs at exit signs as hard as they can in hopes of demolishing it. It’s like one big competition on who can be the biggest idiot. Quite annoying for a student who just wants to study, and get what she needs done… done. There is no respect for the hall. For the hall is already a disgrace and disgusting. It’s already a piece of shit, so that's how people treat it. I semi understand on where these boys thoughts are coming from, but I don’t understand why they are being disrespectful.

I Interviewed a CA, her name is Maria, she overlooks the first half of the first floor. I asked her what her thoughts are on Johnson Hall, and how her fellow co-workers felt about the chaotic hall. Here’s what she said. I asked her what her Thoughts on Johnson are… here’s what she had to say “Overall this hall is pretty standard, I feel like there are better halls that KU has to offer, that are renovated & not as dirty” “The personality here is awesome though & so much energy” when I asked what her Coworkers Thoughts were , here’s what she said. “My coworkers & I love working here, it’s a pretty easy job. The DR’s are really laid back , and as long as everyone’s acting reasonable , then I’m not worried”. The last question I asked her then was Complaints she hears about Johnson.. this was the most interesting to me & I see first hand where she’s coming from. “Well the amount of complaints that I hear are many. I always hear people complaining about something or another. The bathrooms being dirty is something I hear often, & I get frequent complaints about the smell of weed & how loud everything else. I feel like Johnson is fun overall & we make the most of it” Well, I couldn’t agree with Maria more … We got to make the most of it , or else we’ll get so caught up on how bad it is! Through living here I have been very angered at numerous situations, but at the end of the day, it is Johnson Hall & it puts me in for a crazy experience every single day.

-Corrina Smith

Act II. Bonner’s hoodrat Shenanigans

When I was younger, I pictured college to be all about studying, playing beer pong, joining sororities and making best friends for life. I also thought I would be meeting cute boys and all the fun of decorating dorms and much more! In high school, I would watch movies like Legally Blonde and I promised myself my college years will be similar to Elle Woods. I made sure I was prepared for all of the fun activities college was pumping me up for. I had an idea of where I was going and what I was going to do, but as I grew older I realized things don’t always go as planned. For example, I was set on going to Penn State University for Nursing but little did I know, my senior year I applied to Kutztown University as an undeclared major because I truly did not know what I wanted in the future and applying to Kutztown was the best decision I had to make.

That summer, I had to be prepared for my new life at Kutztown. My life was changing and I had to accept this. I went shopped for my dorm, talked to my best-friends, and visited former high school students at parties.

I met up with a girl for coffee named Aly, who is a senior at Kutztown now. She graduated from my hometown about four years ago. We were talking about Kutztown and how there are two freshmen dorms that are absolutely the worst dorms on campus.

“Watch out for Bonner and Johnson! They are the worst dorms on campus that a freshman could have!” Aly laughs at her joke.

“Those are the worst residence halls because they were old and have not be renovated since they made the dorms which was in the 1960’s! My freshman year I dormed in Bonner and it was awful. Although I did meet some pretty great people who I now call my best friends.”

The emails were sent out a few weeks stating everyone’s living situations. I checked where I was going to be living for my freshman year and my cheeks burned as I scrolled through the My KU housing website. I was assigned to room 501 in Bonner Hall! This could not be happening to me. I thought my life was ruined. I wanted a beautiful dorm just like Elle Woods had!

On move in day, my parents and I moved my suitcases, furniture, sheets, etc into the square dorm room. The furniture was movable so I divided my room in half in case I got a roommate. I later on learned that my roommate never showed up! So that was a plus for living in these shity dorm rooms. During the first week of getting used to the college life and being away from home, I made super great friends that live in Bonner as well.

Flash forward to now, my friends and I were talking about how Bonner and Johnson are the worst dorms on campus. A couple of months ago, someone stole the couch on the fifth floor lounge and we have not seen it since. The person who is charge of the building individually emailed everyone in the dorm saying we will be charged for the stolen couch. Also, just a few weeks ago, some drunk kid and their friends threw a rock from the courtyard and hit the fourth floor window causing it to shatter completely. People on the fourth floor were blackmailed into paying about two grand each until someone confessed.

Since I live on the fifth floor next to all of the pothead boys, it always smelled like pot in the hallways. The CA’s usually call the campus police to escort the people who are breaking the rules of the dorms so on the daily, Bonner sees cops giving out probation forms at least twice a week.

Bonner does have personality. For example, the first week was terrible because everyone in Bonner was so hot because Bonner doesn’t have AC. We had to take at least three times a week because of how gross it felt to stay in the sticky hot dorm rooms. Also, it gets super hot in the dorms in the winter as well, so pray for us freshmen who can never escape the hotness! Bonner also has disgusting bathrooms. The bathrooms are so gross even though they get cleaned everyday except for the weekends. In the showers there are hair sprawled out on the walls, toilets are never flushed, sinks are filled with food, and the trash is overflowing with four loko cans, beer, and dorm room trash.

Although Bonner is one of the worst dorm rooms on campus, I found my best friends and I would not have found them without my terrible living experiences from Bonner hall. So my first year as being a freshman doesn’t suck so bad after all! I have my friends and that’s what makes living in Bonner so great!

-Madison Clause

Act III: One Big Family

People bring many things with them to college; clothes, bedspreads, personal memorabilia, and if you attend Kutztown University, fans. Lots and lots of fans. But one thing you can not always take with you to college is your friends from back home. Sure, you might get lucky and have a friend or two from home also go to your school, but you might not be that lucky. In this act we are going to talk about making friendships at college, specifically in your hall.

I live in Deatrick hall and I believe Deatrick hall is like one big, yep you guessed it, family. In every family there is different relationships throughout it, just like in your friendships in your hall. For example, everyone has that one family member that you always see at the yearly reunion, but you have no idea what their name is. And guess what, you will have some people like that in your hall. Ya, you see them everyday on the elevator going to your nine a.m.’s, exchange your little “hey’s”, get off the elevator, and go on with your days. But, you probably do not hangout with them regularly or get food with them. These people in your hall may not be the most important but they are still nice to have, who else would say “hi” to you that early in the morning.

Another type of friend you will probably make will be someone you have a class with. Living in the same hall as someone you have class with is very helpful. Not only can you study together, but you will already know them and will not have to introduce yourself, your professors icebreakers already did that for you. A friend like this will completely understand why you are stressing over a test or ranting about an assignment. It also gives you someone to walk to class with. When it hits winter and you are freezing your butt off, you and your friends conversation could take your mind off it.

Living in a residence hall can also lead you to some of your closest friends in college. The ability to just get on the elevator and go hang out with your friends is really exciting. You will most likely spend hours and hours a day with these people. The memories you make will last with you forever. These friends become your second family.

I can still remember the first week of classes like it was yesterday. Two friends and I had some free time and decided to wander the floors, hoping to make some friends. We hopped from floor to floor, wing to wing. A couple doors on each wing were propped open, welcoming and inviting. We ventured inside of the mysterious rooms and introduced ourselves. And thank goodness we did because I ended up meeting some of my closest friends this way. I met the people I share classes with, walk to class with, eat with, go to sporting events with, and much more. Just by putting myself out there and being friendly I was able to make real connections with the people living in my hall.

Fellow deatrick resident and friend Evelyn said she also had a tip for making friends in your hall. She personally went to our floors lounge the first few days of school and talked to people in there. This idea works very well in the first few months for multiple reasons, one because it is so damn hot in our rooms so everyone is in the lounges just trying to grab some air conditioning. And two, because many people still hang out in the lounges at the end of the semester, there is always someone new sitting in the lounge that you can talk to.

Making friends in your dorm is very important and beneficial. I believe becoming friends with the people you share a building with, can lead to fun and lots of good memories. The people you live with can be some of the best people you will ever meet, but you will never know unless you put yourself out there. My advice is simple, say “hi” to as many people as you can.

Morgan Hartlaub

Act IV: Behind the Doors of Berks

The walls of our halls are one place that residents can find what is going on around campus. From the monthly potty paper in the bathroom all the way to the front desk bulletin boards, it is clear to see the multitude of activities there are to attend. All of the events become a place to meet people with the same interests as you and more. Berks Hall is a place that always stays updated on what there is to do.

Living in Berks hall is a great experience on its own. I have made so many connections with the people I live with. These connections always start with a friendly “hello.” From there, conversations are naturally made. Living in a mostly all freshman residence hall has already given all of us something in common. College is the newest step in all of our lives. Everyone is trying to get comfortable in their new surroundings.

I remember walking down my dorm hallway one morning and stopping by a poster that had “Fall Events” titled at the very top. I skimmed down the detailed list and saw one thing jump out at me. A trip to New York City for only $10! Instantly, I knew I had to go. How could I pass up an amazing opportunity that was so much cheaper than I have ever seen? I just couldn't.

Everything I needed to know about the trip was described at the bottom of the poster. The tickets would need to be bought at the MSU at 11:00. It would be on Saturday the 10th of November and the time the bus left to the time it came back would work so well for me. I immediately told my friends and they were so excited as well. We looked forward to this weekend for almost a month. The day had finally come. My two friends and I had experienced spending the whole day in the city without chaperones for the first time together. It was the most independent I have ever felt.

However, without that poster in the hallway and without the help of the student activity organizations/MSU, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have known about those awesome opportunities if Kutztown didn’t have all of those things. Living in the halls on campus gives students different resources like these and makes the college experience well worth the money.

Similarly to me, Olivia Brownell had positive experiences living in Berks Hall. She had mentioned to me that one of the first activities she attended at Kutztown was brought to her attention in Berks hall as well. One night when she was coming back from her class, she saw a sticky note on the door. The note read, “Beyonce laser light show tonight. Meet me in the lobby at 6:30 and our hall can all go together. -Gianna”. Gianna is Olivia’s CA. Olivia had told me she gets these sticky notes on the door all of the time, whether it’s an invite to an event or just a reminder of the monthly hall meetings. Olivia took this opportunity and went to the show with her CA. She mentioned how this event made her closer to people that also went. CA involvement is encouraged in the halls at Kutztown. In Olivia’s case, she says her CA is very helpful and loves to get everyone involved.

Having someone that is familiar with the campus is very beneficial to new students. CA’s giving direct invites gives residents a sense of home that they may not see right away after move in. These types of environments help students succeed and make lifelong friendships. Student involvement creates a community for Kutztown students and having plenty of resources only improves the campus. It is important to make the best out of living in these close communities. Checking the walls of the residence halls can only benefit the students that live there. Who knows? Maybe another trip to somewhere even more interesting will be displayed on the walls of Berks Hall.

-Gianna Buff

0 notes

colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 6 years

Text

Los Angeles California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90033

"Los Angeles California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90033

Los Angeles California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90033

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

Car insurance - change of address?

Hi. Recently i changed my address so i had to let the car insurance company know about that. But they charged(actually are willing to chage) me 423 pounds !! Yes, there's not a misspeling. It's 423 . As far as i ve seen, most people get charged no maximum than 50 pounds for this change. Also, there are no changes on my policy. I still have a garage, i still do the same mileage/year and so on. They even confirmed that there's no change in policy details except the new address. The new address it's in Manchester (central area) and before i lived in Bradford(UK). Now, in the mean time, i had a claim. If i would have found about this fee before, i would have cancel my insurance policy but now that i have a claim, i can't cancel it anymore and being refunded (as i paid the insurance for 1 year in one go, Not monthly). I found about this crazy 423 fee only now when i had this claim. You can't find anything about any fees related to changing the address neither on my policy papers nor on their website and online policy books. I suppose they considered this fee just as an administration fee. And i suppose they could have charged me even 10 000 pounds as an administration fee just because they can. I don't feel protected by the company anymore !! that's why it's an insurance company, to protect and take some risks out. The insurance company it's Admiral. I tryed to talk and explain them that this fee it's just nuts but they didn't agreed. The fee it's about 1/4 of the total insurance cost for 1 year. Maybe they try to take advantage of the fact that i can't cancel it (coz i have a claim in process) and i can't get refunded ? Any ideea how should i proceed ? Shall i proceed with any legal actions ? if yes, how much time and money would that cost because i wouldn't go into, i don't think it's worth doing that. Thanks in advance :) Cheers!""

American health insurance question?

So, whats stopping people from not getting health insurance and paying the $95 fine, but when they get sick and need insurance. They go and get insurance because they can't be denied for pre existing conditions?""

""Medi-cal, California insurance?""

I'm getting a procedure done covered by medi-cal. I'm married, unemployed, and at the time of the service i need to bring i.d. and proof of income to be eligible.. Well i would have to use my husband's proof of income, his check stub. Can i just present them the proof of income myself, even tho it's my husband's? Or does he have to be present at the time? I'm not sure, because i think he needs to work that day..""

Car insurance question?

It it legal to drive my mother's car if I have my license and the car itself has insurance but it is under her name, not mine? I'm in Illinois and 18 if that makes any difference.""

False Auto Insurance Claim Against A Friend?

A very close friend of mine received a call from his auto insurer yesterday regarding a 3rd party claim against him. According to the 3rd party, my friend hit their parked car (which was parked on the curb in front of their home), then parked his own car, went up to their house, rang their doorbell and exchanged insurance information. The 3rd party claims that this took place in a town that's more than 1 hour away from where we work and live. This allegedly happened 3 months ago. There are two major problems with this story: A- The alleged incident never happened. I carpool with my friend to and from work and was with him that night. B- The 3rd party has all of his insurance information. Could the insurance company have called the wrong person (i.e. gotten policy numbers mixed-up while processing the claim)? If not, how could a 3rd party have his insurance information? How common are fraudulent insurance claims (against another person)? And has anything similar happened to you or someone you know? My friend is a little worried because there is some minor damage to his rear bumper. We live in a major city and pretty much every 3rd car has nicks and scratches along the bumper from parking garage 'mysteries' and whatnot. Also, about 8 months ago, a young woman rear-ended us while we stationary, waiting to turn left at an intersection. Other than a scratch to his rear bumper caused by her license plate bolt, there was no cosmetic damage, and while we exchanged insurance information, my friend decided not to file a claim (she was very nice and didn't look as though she had a lot of money). I'd hate to think that it's her trying to commit fraud against him...""

I am new to car insurance so this may sound simple.?

If I have fully comp insurance on my car , can any person with a current driving licence and, with my permission drive my car? Or must they have some form of personal car insurance to cover them or be a named driver, Thanks miguel""

Health Insurance in Minnesota?

I will be losing my employer provided health insurance in a few months. I have been looking at MN. Care. I am within their income guidelines, however, they also want me to list all ...show more""

Car Insurance in Florida?

Hi! Does anyone know how expensive car insurance in Florida is? Specifically, Progressive insurance? Does anyone that has Progressive know if it is more expensive in Florida versus another state, like Wisconsin?""

How much is it for car insurance for a 16 yrs old in long island ny?

i am gonna be driving a ford station wagon 1989 escort

Which car has the cheapest insurance?

Audi A4 (Sedan) Audi A6 (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Coupe) BMW 3-Series (Convertible) BMW 5-Series (Sedan) BMW M5 (Sedan) Cadillac CTS Lexus IS Lexus GS Mercedes-Benz C-Class Mercedes-Benz CLK-Class Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class Mercedes-Benz E-Class Mercedes-Benz S-Class These are cars I want to get but my dad said that he wants me to pay for insurance and gas. I want something with the cheapest insurance BUT ALSO on this list.

I need Car Insurance help!?

Well, I'm turning 17 soon and have started thinking about learning to drive and getting my provisional. I know car insurance for a 17 year old boy is very high but there must be some cheap insurance somewhere? From 900-2500 I'm not the richest person ever and don't currently have a job, but I'm actually searching at the moment (just started). I have time to think about it all and everything but ye I need help, also a car which isn't too expensive and the insurance is also pretty cheap would be awesome!""

How to get car insurance for less than 1000 for a 17 year old male?

Living in England, the most expensive country in the world, and being the most expensive group of driver to insure, yet earning only 50 a week is too hard! I can get no help from family or anything I have to pay for it all myself. Realistically I need to find insurance for under a grand in order to be driving in less than a year's time. I would really appreciate any ways anybody knows of getting the cost this low. I have heard classic car insurance is a good way, but you have to be lucky to find a classic car which is cheap enough itself to make it worthwhile. Also pass plus seems ok but it seems not all insurance companies care about if you've done it - I mean if its only the more expensive ones that end up giving discounts anyway then its not worth it.. Thanks""

Cheapest tuner platform to insure?

I am a 16 year old male looking to buy his first car. I know im in the situation to get the highest insurance already, but im still looking for a tuner. I have about 4 grand to spend so ive been looking at civic vtecs, 240sx's, vw's and many others. I was wondering how much some tuners cost in insurance for my age and sex, and also any other cars that are cheap to insure, but i can get a lot of horsepower out of. Thank you!""

Does having a bump in a company vehicle affect my personal Car insurance?

I have been asked to drive the home delivery van's for a supermarket, I haven't agreed yet as I want to know in the unlikely event of a bump would this affect my personal car ...show more""

Approximate monthly premium for State Unemployment insurance and the coverage?

1) My employer is in California and I have been working in Illinois for 8 years until last month for the client of my employer. My family is myself, spouse and two kids. The contract with the client is over and my employer might terminate me. In this case, should I file for unemployment insurance in California or in Illinois? 2)What is the approximate monthly premium to be paid for state unemployment insurance? 3)what things will be covered by this insurance? If various factors would affect the answers for the above questions, please try your best to give approximate estimation for the monthly premium and coverage details. Thanks.""

Are there any insurance companies who offer REALLY cheap new driver insurance?

I have my driving test (practical) booked for the 7th March 2012. I have been searching for cheap car insurance and the lowest I can find is about 7000 which I just cannot afford. Im only looking for insurance for a few months, less than a year for a few hundred pounds. Please, any suggestions greatly accepted. Thanks :-D""

Please can someone give me a normal price on car insurance for a new 2012 Ford Fiesta zetec S?

I'm 17 years old and a first time driver but cant fined a straight answer from car insurance websites.

How much would insurance cost?

I am 20 years old, I have taken driving school, I have been driving since I was 16, and i have my g2. im gonna need a reliable car to get me to my new job. I am looking for a used care, i need to know how much insurance would be. Can anyone suggest a car, used, 2004-2008, price, insurance for a female who is 20 and taken driving school. Something reliable like a honda or a mazda or anything else and around how much payments would be a month. i know it wont be exact , there are many factors i just am wondering like an estimate if anyone can help me.""

Question About Car Insurance?

I have AAA. I have 3 vehicles, 2 in which my daughters are the drivers. One of my daughters has 2 points for prohibited turn, which raised my insurance rate. Is there anyway to get the points removed or remove her from the policy even though she would still drive?""

Companies that dont ask for a deposit on insurance?

any company's that dont take a deposit on insurance policy when you take it out

Mazda Miata insurance is wacked?

I got a quote from Geico, which is the best I could find, on a car that I'm thinking about purchasing and financing. The car is a 1996 Mazda Miata with 80,000 miles on it. Geico gave me a quote for $882 for six months, thats $147 a month and $1764 a year. What the heck?! I'm 18 and don't understand why insurance is that expensive. I've never had a ticket or an accident. It also says that I need to get a deductible when the car is selling for $3995. Any advice?""

I need some Insurance Help?

My father, just yesterday tried to commit suicide by slitting his wrist, luckily he had called the cops, but he also had to take an ambulance ride and another ambulance ride to the county hospital where he will be held for 72 hours. He does not have insurance due to his work laying him off, and him not being able to afford it. Is there any kind of insurance that will cover this kind stuff. He has been suffering from depression and high blood pressure for quite sometime, so I don't know if those are pre existing things that would stop insurance...but him and my mother cant afford this at all right now. They live in southern california, if anyone knows of some kind of insurance, please please respond!""

Vehicle with no insurance MINNESOTA?

My girlfriend got pulled over tonight after having a brand new car for two days after selling her first car she drove for two and a half years, her mother apparently told her that she had 7 days to get insurance so sure enough we got cited for no insurance. I guess I was curious to know if liability covers her driving a vehicle without insurance? It probably doesn't but I know there is a form of insurance that does. If this is going to slide downhill I would also like to know some advice you have to word it nicely to a judge to help avoid a 30 day license suspension. I heard earlier tonight that in mn it's mandatory but I'm hoping not. Thanks for your help and time!""

How much is car insurance for 16 year old boy in FL?

im 16 years old i have $2000 for a car and im looking for a job but i want to know how much car insurance is going to run and if you guys have any idea for a type of car

Cheap car insurance for a new 17 year old driver in philadelphia?

I have a 2000 ford taurus and pay 240 every month for insurance.. is there any cheaper insurance i can use?

Heber City Utah Cheap car insurance quotes zip 84032

Car scratch - insurance rates?

How much would by insurance rate go up by if I caused a 750 dollar car scratch to another vehicle? My insurance rate monthly is at 62 dollars. I just want to know if that could double or be extremely drastic because i don't know if it would be better to just pay out of my own pocket. thx

Short term car insurance quotes?

Hi, are there any car insurance companies that can offer car insurance for a short term (6weeks) for young drivers? Im 19 and had my license since april now, but not been able to get my own car as im going to uni in september and cant afford to buy and insure one for a year. My boyfriend has just got a new car and is offering his old car to me for the weeks before uni to get to work etc so im after insurance for 6 weeks only but all the ones i have looked at wont insure a young driver. I wanted to go with Diamond insurance as they are cheapest for me but not sure if they will offer me short term cover. Help!""

Mandating health insurance?

I heard that HIllary and Obama want to mandate health insurance. How is that going to solve anything? People can't afford it, like me. Health insurance should be like car insurance, people pay their own way and if they don't have it they pay for their repairs or don't get fixed.""

Car insurance question?

i recently quit my job and was woundering if it is possible to cancel my car insurance and get it back when i get another job and btw i got state farm

Can my wife and I have a joint car insurance when we are in two states?

Hi, I am at MI and my wife is at DC (I think DC will have a high insurance rate. I'll move to DC after a year). We have two cars. Could we have a joint car insurance if one car is registered at MD and one car is registered at MI? Thanks for your attention

Anyone know any good insurance?

Does anyone happen to know of any good insurance companies that may help pay for some of the initial tests for infertility?

Honda cbr250 insurance vs Kawasaki Ninja 250r?

If anyone could tell me the insurance rates for both bikes for a 16 year old male rider. I live in Ontario but any canadian rates, or american rates would be appreciated. Rates per year or per month is what I am looking for. If you can give the rates for both bikes or just one bike it would be appreciated. Thanks.""

Car insurance????

is it higher insurance in illinois to have a 2 door car???

How do I sue my car insurance company?

I was in a car accident in March 2008 in a parking lot. The insurance companies BOTH decided that we were 50/50 at fault for the accident. During this process I kept getting phone calls asking me to verify WHY a person not on my policy was driving my car at the time of the accident. I repeatedly corrected the insurance companies...yes BOTH of them...saying that I AM AN INSURED DRIVER and I was driving my car. I had no passengers. I was in an accident with another single driver with no passengers. Eventually it seemed like everything was fine. The claim closed on May 2 and I thought it was all over. BUT today, May 29, I received a letter in the mail telling me that policy is being cancelled because WE HAD REQUESTED INFORMATION REGARDING --------- AS THE DRIVER OF THE 03/27/2008 CLAIM. TO DATE, THIS HAS NOT BEEN RECEIVED. I have NO IDEA what they are talking about. He is the OTHER driver. However, they are pretty much ignoring my calls and emails. What can I do???""

Teen driving auto insurance.?

I am a 16 year old man and i am a week away from being eligible from getting my licence. If I were to get my licence would I need to obtain auto insurance? I would drive my parents car not my own so would I need Insurance or would my rates be deductable explain please thanks for answering.

""Bought a new car, but now is too expensive. How do I trade in for a cheaper car?""

I bought a 2013 Ford Focus S, I love it but its starting to cost me alot. I still owe 18,800 on it. I make about 1300/mo Car payment is $320/mo Insurance is $230/mo And I have a few other bills.. So it leaves me like $150 for 2 weeks every paycheck. Which, isn't enough. I want a Wrangler, and I found great prices on then and insurance believe it for not is cheaper on it, but the problem is.. Is the equity on the trade in. I made a mistake on this car, and now.. Really I'm trying to get rid of it as soon as possible, so I can start saving for my Wrangler. What do you suggest I do? Thanks. (by the way, I'm 19 and in the Navy)""

Will my insrance increase?

I have a VW polo at the moment, and insured with ''Quinn Direct.'' If i put Allows on my car, will the insurance cost go up?""

""When getting a car insurance quote, do I disclose a speeding ticket, if I already took traffic school for it?""

I had a speeding ticket, but the judge lowered my citation to 99mph so I could take traffic school. I am getting an insurance quote from progressive.com and they want me to provide information on tickets I've received in the last 3 years. Do I tell them about my speeding ticket, since traffic school is supposed to prevent a point from being added to my driving record? I've already finished my traffic school and I live in California.""

Where can I find salvage motorcycles directly from the insurance company?

I'm interested in purchasing cheap parts bikes directly from the insurance companies after a wreck. I am mostly interested in Harleys and I don't have any interest in these gimmicky websites where you pay a fee and there are not a lot of bikes. I've looked at ebay but these are usually bikes being sold from the person who bought it from the insurance company (ie premium). There are some public auto auctions, but these are usually only limited to dealers. But maybe that is my only choice?""

How much wil Car Insurance be when i get my temps in Columbus Ohio?

How much wil Car Insurance be when i get my temps in Columbus Ohio. im going to be under my moms insurance. how much will i have to pay. or will i have to pay. my mom dosent kno, neither do i. can she put me on her car insurance for free or do i have to pay or what. whats the rules so to say""

Pre-Existing Conditions health insurance...?

I've had epilepsy since I was 5 years old, I'm now 24. I came across a comment on a website a few minutes ago about there being some kind of federal law where it's ILLEGAL to deny someone coverage because they may be in poor health, overweight, etc... aka having a pre-existing condition . If this is true about there being a law AGAINST it, why are SO MANY health insurance companies allowed to deny people w/ pre-existing conditions right off the bat? There are THOUSAND upon thousands, if not MILLIONS, of people in the U.S that have some kind of pre-existing condition, whether minor or major. So wouldn't that mean that there are THOUSANDS of insurance companies that are running their business illegally & breaking the law? I mean, breaking a state law is one thing, but a FEDERAL law is a pretty big deal!! Washington makes such a big deal about how so many people in our country don't have health insurance & they say it's because people can't afford it . But I think the REAL reason is that because MOST of those people have a pre-existing condition & they're getting thrown to the curb because of it... Comments on this???""

Auto Insurance Question?

well I want to buy an E36 BMW M3 (1996-1999) in couple of months, but i want to know that how can i get an insurance quote from other insurance companies. My moms insurance name is Access, but i want to get quotes from different companies to see which one is the cheapest. the problem is that, i don't have the car yet and there are questions that the website asks that i can't say it because i don't have enough info about the car, and i can't bother the sellers if im not going to buy the car yet. so how do you think i can get an insurance quote online when i don't have the car yet. sorry if the question sounds confusing""

What good is affordable health care when more...?

people are out of work then there are people without health insurance?

Why is car insurance so expensive in the U.K.?

I often see U.K citizens complaining about how expensive car insurance is. I understand that many factors make up the cost of car insurance, but is there anything in particular that makes it so expensive? In the U.S. I'm rated as a single female under 25, no tickets or accidents, driving a 2010 Ford F100 pickup truck. My car insurance runs about $1600 a year (roughly 1000 GBP). Also, just curious. If I lived in England, just a close ballpark guess, what would I pay using that criteria""

""What are the monthly/weekly costs of running a car? (insurance, registration, petrol)?""

im looking at buying a car, im 17 i have had my licence for about 3 months and i want to know how much i should be expecting to pay for insurance, registration, petrol etc, for a 4 cylinder proberly auto and ranging from 1990 to 2000 year. thanks :)""

How much life insurance?

Married, no kids, will buy a house next year, anuual income = about 80K Options: 1x annual salary - free 2 x - $9.44/month 3 x - $18.88/moth 4 x $8.32/month 5 x $37.76/month Also, should I bother w/spouse insurance (about $5/month?)""

How much is motocross insurance?

Hey guys just wondering how much a motocross insurance quote would be im just looking for coverage if i get an injury im 16 and need affordable quotes thanks

""How old do i have to be to ride,and get a licence for a motorcycle in California?

and how much will the insurance cost?

The best and cheapest car insurance?

Why does a civic cost more to insure than a golf for teens?

both are 1.4 litre engine but the civic costs atleast 1500 more to insure?!? whaaat? is it because the civic has the impression of a ricer car?

Heber City Utah Cheap car insurance quotes zip 84032

Will an Illinois speeding ticket put points on my Michigan license and raise my insurance?

I am from Michigan and got a speeding ticket in Chicago IL. Will this put points on my Michigan license? Will this cause my Allstate insurance rate to go up? Thanks for the help!

What are the advantages and disadvantages of a high-deductible insurance plan?

I am looking in to getting insurance that has a high ded. plan and a low ded. plan. What are the advantages and disadvantages??

Cheapest health insurance in ca.?

Is it worth getting full comp insurance if your car is only cheap?

My sister insurance covering my brother car but she wants to cancel?

She is cancelling her insurance for a lower rate with a new company and he wants to have the car insured in his name. The car is registered in his name. How would they go about this? can she say she no longer wants to insure the car?

Out of state car insurance?

OK if i get a car in NY with ny license plates can i get NJ insurance without having to change anything ? I will going to school 5 days a week out there and will be staying with my aunt ..... but i don't wanna change my license or license plates ..... ... will i have to show proof and what kind of proof ?

Can someone help me with an insurance question?

new driver no insurance live in ca, 20yrs old, i am considering of buying kia rio my monthly car payment will be around $169. can u give me an estimate of how much my insurance will be.""

Can you get insurance on a vehicle if your license is suspend?

MG ZR 1.4 Car Insurance for 18 years old boy?

Hello Im 18 years old just passed my Test. My dad have MG ZR 1.4, his insurance ends in september and he would liekl to add me to his insurance, can he add me only for that couple of months? Does any one know any good insurance companie that is cheap and how much it cost to insure me for that 5-6 months ?. Thanks!""

Does anyone know a cheap but good insurance company?

im 19 in dec and have been driving an year, with no incidents so far :) the company i was with has gone up! and they said they were gna go down, i know i can get a better deal sum were else so im not goin to stop with them, jus wunderd if anyone knew any good company's? please leave websites aswell :)""

How much would car insurance on a nissan GT R cost?

How much might health insurance cost per year for a healthy 22-year-old?

Need to start buying my own health insurance, because I have some health concerns that i need taken care of ASAP. But overall, I am a healthy person.""

I got in a car accident with no insurance?

Well im 18 and I work a full time job to help my mom pay the bills. I live in Illinois I have a 97 oldsmobile, I have my insurance slip, but i haven't paid it for 3 months, so when i get pulled over, i show the cop it and im fine, well now I smashed some ones car and am paying the price This is the story on what happened. On Friday the16th it was -20ish out wise whit the the wild chill, it was horrible cold, I was Driving on a road that was 45 mph and i was going 30ish maybe 35, There was a car accident next to us, the girl infrount of me freaked out and slammed on her breaks, I hit mine and I just sled, there was nothing i could do i pumbed my breaks and all, i hit her at about 7 mph, my car was messed up, hood wouldn't close lights broken bumper broken, but i deserved it for not having insurance, anyways, on her car (06 Toyota ) her bumper was Cracked, When it hap pend she got out of the car and say she was sorry like 10 times and said she had no choice but to stop, Witch is understandable Long story short, i gave the cop my insurance card that im not insured with any more he wrote our info down and we went our separate ways, yesterday i two messages from her insurance Company, What would be the next step i should take and what will happen, will i need to go to court? will my drivers license get sespended?""

Claiming Back car insurance?

Is it possible, i have been paying car insurance on my car for three months, while it has been out of use at the garage i purchased it from, due to the engine blowing! The garage have taken over 3 months to sort it under warranty, and the car is covered under there insurance, i didnt cancel the insurance due to thinking it wouldnt take this long! as i pay 140 a month it tolals up to alot and i was wondering if can claim any of the insurance premium back?? They still have the car useless Evans Halshaw be warned, only had the car 8 weeks..""

Whats the cheapest car insurance for teen?

Hi I'm getting my drivers license in two weeks I don't have a car still trying to find one. I'm 17 I live in Hollywood,fl and I'm just trying to find out the cheapest insurance for me. So if you can help me and tell me who has the best policy for teens full coverage and or liability for the cheapest price. Also I didn't Go to driving school""

Whats the cheapest auto insurance in texas?

i need to get a 1 month auto insurance for my 94 mustang whats the cheapest i can get it for and also about how much would i have to pay to put it under my name

""Which is better for car insurance, Go Compare or Confused.com?""

Which is better for car insurance, Go Compare or Confused.com?""

How should I insure a car? Or should I?

Hello Everyone, I'm 17 years old and have just recently gotten my license (G2). I would love to have a car of my own as it would make my life so much easier due to my strange schedule in school. I have banked enough money to buy a nice car but am still drawing a blank when it comes to insurance. What im really wondering is whats the cheapest/best way for me to insure a car. My mom and dad have both cars insured under there names but they are in use. If I was to buy my own car would I be able to insure it under their name? or under my dad's private business? I can't afford to pay 9k a year in insurance atm but would really love to have my own car sooner rather than later. If you could let me know the best way to get around the monumental cost I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Geoff""

What are typical limits on a full coverage auto insurance policy.?

I was recently in a mans vehicle when he wrecked, I was pretty seriously injured, and now have a lot of medical bills, and surgery bills. I know that he has a full coverage policy with Geico, because they have contacted me, and told me that. The only thing that they will not tell me is his personal limits. I have found out though that He has a history of accidents, and DUI'S. I do not know if that has any affect on his limits or not. I am just concerened about my bills getting paid, and my reimbursement for my lost time, and pain and suffering.""

Whats happens if I don't get car insurance?

I have a speeding ticket on my license, I'm about to go to court for another speeding ticket (19 over) and a reckless driving ticket (for burning tires). I am 18, with a Nissan 300zx (2 seater sports car) My insurance is currently $120 a month for liability (I think) , and will probably go WAY up I was thinking, what if I don't renew my insurance? Will I just get a $200 ticket when I get pulled over for it? $200 ticket >>> $300 a month for insurance More knowledge the better, cuz the 2 tickets I just got are gonna cost me out the ***, and insurance is ridiculous anyways, I have 0 wrecks, I'm considered high risk with tickets even though its just speeding and burning tires. Speeding on old highways with nobody on them, the worst thing I have to worry about is deer. Burning tires in secluded areas on roads nobody drives on really.""

I would like to know approximatly how much I would be paying for car insurance?

As I haven't got a car yet I cant get an actual quote so I'm struggling to find out how much I can expect to pay. I am 22 will probably be 23 before I pass my test and expect to get a car. This will hopefully be in the next 6months. I'm female I know that reduces insurance a little. I'm hoping to get a toyota yaris it would be an older one so it would be in group 2 for the insurance. Any information anyone could give will be helpfull. Thanks

College student needing car insurance?

I live in MA i am in the process of leasing a hyundai elantra. but i need insurance. I cant use my parents policies because i bought the car myself. Does anyone know of any cheap car insurance companies?

NYC car insurance question?

I'm moving to nyc soon and there is no way I can afford the car insurance but. If I sell my car how will I get around the country to see family? I have family everywhere, california, idaho, florida, oregon, washington, south carolina, illinois, arkansas, and new jersey""

Security Guarding Company insurance?

Can somebody tell me how much the average insurance would be for a security guarding company?

How much does motorcycle insurance cost???

im 20 with a 02 gsxr 600 in NJ

Heber City Utah Cheap car insurance quotes zip 84032

Transferring Car Insurance?

I just re-newed my car insurance but now im purchasing a new car. Is it possible to get the balance of my last insurance payment transferred over to my new car? Or will I have to pay for insurance again in full?

Does a subcontractor need insurance?

typically, when you try to bid on jobs you will be asked for general/professional liability insurance. however when you subcontract do you still need insurance? also, what are riders and endorsements? thank you""

Insurance on Crossfire. 16 Year old.?

i am a 16 year old boy and i was wondering what the insurance would be on a 2004 Chrysler Crossfire Coupe. I am pretty sure that it is a sportscar. So, help me out. I got to convince my parents to get me one.""

Affordable Life Insurance?

i need help . which Life Insurance is the best one to buy

How much will I be paying in car insurance if I'm a 23 year-old person?

Im a 23 year-old college student and have just gotten a car. I have always gotten a ride with my friends. My father just added me into his policy and it looks like I will be paying $224.11 for 6 months liability coverage, is that normal? I will be driving a 2001 Mazda Millenia. Also, what are the cheapest insurances for young adults? Thank you!""

""I will be under my parent's health insurance effective Jan 1, 2011 - will my baby be covered?""

my baby is due April 26, 2011. Will he be eligible to be under my parents policy with me or will I need different coverage? If so, any suggestions? I live in California.""

What are the risks of getting cheaper auto insurance using friends/work address?

Getting a car insured in Hoboken is very expensive ($750 for 6 months). Some of my friends use their friends address (Say Edison address) and get much cheaper quotes. What are the risks in doing this? My friend also had a claim with no problems (but it was a minor claim). Please advise?

Please Help...Will i be able to get any health insurance?

Im a 21 yr old female, who benefits from deferred action. im currently working two jobs and going to community college. money is TIGHT. i know being protected under deferred action will not provide me any health insurance help but can i still be able to get ANY help? im a type 1 diabetic as well and the cost of insulin and doctor visits skyrockets every single time. i live with my parents but i dont receive money from them. i guess long story short. can i get any type of health insurance? if i dont die from diabetes ill die from the cost of it hahaha. i live in Southern California if thats any help. thanks in advance :)""

Insurance In California?

What's the insurance law thing in California? Someone told me that anyone who has a license and drives a car MUST have insurance. Do you HAVE to have insurance to drive in CA? Another thing is that my parents were telling that it's expensive to put my name under their policy especially because I'm a newly licensed driver, meaning I don't have a lot of driving experience yet. Is this true?""

Drive like a girl insurance help?

Im due to take my driving test next month (all goes well) and my parents are VERY keen to get the cheapest insurance quote possible (they are arabs, they will find it.. lol) Anyway I have recently discovered the 'drive like a girl' insurance company and after reading through it decided it looked really good. as I haven't got my full license yet I cant get a quote from them, so for anyone who has insurance with them- could you please give me a price estimate?! I live in a good area just outside of London so im lucky with my quotes. I have an X Reg Ford Ka and most of my quotes have been around 2000 but I have had one at 1600 and another at 1795. Both of those were without telematics box which is why im looking at one now. I cant have one with time restrictions- mainly because I sometimes work until 11 at night and I also care for my sick brother who may need to be driven to the hospital in the middle of the night (would this matter?) Thanks guys for taking the time to read and answer this question.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance for a 19 year old female?

I am soon going to buy a used Toyota Corolla and I live in North Carolina. I am just starting to get my driver's license and I was wondering what auto insurance is cheaper? Would it be cheaper if I was on my parents auto insurance?

Which Insurance?

If someone borrows my car but they have their own insurance and get in an accident is their insurance company responsible

""Car accident, Driver has NO insurance.?""

A girl hit my car on Easter. She lied and told me she had insurance only for me to find out she doesn't. I am so pissed because I do not want to pay my 500 deductible on an accident she was faulted, cited and ticketed for. However, she's only 17 so id feel bad to sue.. It's not her parents fault. What do I do?!""

How important is having health insurance in usa and why?

Why health insurance has more importance in usa ?Is it mandated in usa?what are the differences in insurance when compared with India?

Any insurance company cheaper than Progressive?

I've tried like all the main ones you see on commercials and obviously they were way more.. Progressive was the only cheapest one I can find at $186 per month (I'm 18).. the 6 month term is up which means I can switch if I want to but no point unless I find cheaper..

What happens if your car insurance is cancelled due to non-payment?

I live in Mass and I am facing cancellation for non-payment, sdo they take your plates? What happens?""

Bicycle insurance?

i bought a new bike yesterday from JJB and i just called in JJB today to find out if they do bike insurance and the lady told me that they dont! where can i get bike insurance from?

Driving someones car without insurance?

If you drive someone elses car and that person has insurance but not you, and you get ticketed. do you also get ticketed for driving without insurance. is it possible to drive someones car without you yourslef buying car insurance? btw this is in dallas, texas""

Need affordable heath insurance in NJ?

I'm trying to find a health insurance plan for me and my fiance. I currently do not have health insurance but I am on Birth Control for cyst prevention and it runs 90$ a month. My fiance will be expunged from his parent's plan in October when we are married. I am a nanny and he is a personal trainer and tennis instructor, both jobs do not offer plans since he is not considered fulltime. I went to ehealthinsurance.com for a quote and the lowest is 375 with a steep deductible and limited coverage. We are also both fulltime college students so we are not able to pay much along with our other living expenses. Does anyone know of anyway of getting low cost insurance? I looked into family care etc, but unless I'm pregnant or have children, I wont be covered. I'm at a catch 22....we really want kids but not without being stable first...so either I pay for birth control or health insurance for prenatal and maternity (ha ha ha) I'm getting a bit frustrated here...Will definitely chose a best answer and thanks for reading this :)""

How much is insurance for a cafe/ restaurant for a year?

if i ever set up my own cafe, how much would insurance be, and costs etc. also what else is there, rates?? helllp""

Why is car insurance so expensive?

Im 20 and i pay 63 a month for just the very basic essentials to not get a ticket, ive never needed my insurance nor has it done me any good. My parents pay for a whole bunch of different coverage and when they got into an accident with a drunk driver, the insurance company didnt pay for anything and they hired a lawyer to protect them from having to pay my parents anything. Why do we need insurance in the first place and why is it so costly? I think its really just a scam.""

Auto insurance raised cause of credit!?

I bought another used car 2005 and my insurance rates when up $500.00 a year. They told me because of my credit rating........what! I have a perfect driving record and have been driving for 36 years so tell me what does my credit have to do with my car insurance or driving record?!!!!! I am only behind on a couple credit cards so please someone tell me why this is?

Can I buy triple a auto insurance with a permit? California?

So due to curtain circumstances, I need to get my own auto insurance, the catch is that I only have a permit. what I wanted to know is if a major insurance company, like triple a, would cover me, if so would it cost more than a newly licensed person, and if not does anyone know a minor insurance company that would.""

Is car insurance needed to get an oil change?

My car died the other day, I planned to get a new one so I dropped my insurance. Apparently it can be fixed, so tomorrow I'm having it towed in. There is no insurance on it and they are fixing my engine, will they ask about insurance or hound me about it or just quietly fix my car?""

How do I notify my auto insurance company that I'm cancelling my policy?

I just switched from Progressive to Geico (and saved almost $1200 per year!) How and when do I notify Progressive that I'm cancelling my policy with them? (My coverage with Progressive ends March 4th, and my coverage with Geico starts on March 3rd). I've heard that I must notify Progressive in writing; does Geico provide some sort of form or document to give the old company or do I have to actually type out a letter to Progressive?""

Heber City Utah Cheap car insurance quotes zip 84032

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/am-i-paying-too-much-health-insurance-29-year-old-healthy-nolan/"

0 notes

wildestthicket · 6 years

Text

She came into my work the other day, which isn’t like. Impossible. I work at a specialty store that people come into every day and she just happened to show up when I was working. I didn’t know she was back in town, she didn’t know I worked there.

My brain was so jarred that it spat out someone who didn’t know her or recognize her, and she pretended not to recognize us either. I went to the back and had a meltdown after she left.

She messaged me on facebook about a week after it happened to apologize since ‘I’ had asked her never to contact ‘me’ again. She wanted to check to see what she should do so I felt safe at work to the point of offering to get someone I didn’t know come in and get stuff for her so I wouldn’t have to see her again.

I just want to tell her what happened and why shit fell apart the way it did so I’m going to write it down here to sort it out for myself at least and so I don’t message her on an impulse because this all feels too much like fate.

In high school I became the host again (afaik iv, Fe, and Sly showed up intermittently when they needed to, as you do) and met her. Long story short she was my best friend and I was completely in love with her. We had a lot of the same interests, she introduced me to books and music that are still important to all of us. Most of my world had her somewhere in it. It was like that for two years and I know there were problems, things weren’t perfect. There was the self professed ‘native american fetish’ of hers and other stuff I can’t call to mind right now. I didn’t have the guts to bring it up and chance losing the most important person to me right then.

And for once the person who was the most important to me seemed to really care about me too? We talked constantly and. Yeah. I don’t know. Two years of having someone I could tell anything and feel like just maybe it was mutual. I got a notebook that I was determined to use as the notebook to plan my novel, which she’d listened to me blab about for hours on end. She wrote something for me in the back of it and made me promise not to read it until I had filled the book.

Then she graduated and I had my back surgery. I’m not sure at which point I went dormant, but it was somewhere in the first two months. It was too painful, and I was horrified that in my eyes I had elected to ruin my body. Eli became host because he was made for handling pain and we still aren’t sure if our brain copied my pertinent personality traits onto him, if we were similar to start with since we were two versions of the same kid but with different jobs, or if we had a drastic personality change that everyone around us chalked up to growing up and going through intensive surgery.

Either way, I went away. In my place was someone who knew who Kelowna was, but didn’t have any emotional attachment to her whatsoever and was terrified and disgusted by himself over how little he cared. But he couldn’t have. He also couldn’t have known. I used to hate Eli so much over letting her go and not trying harder to hold on to that relationship, but how could he have?

For a while he kept texting her, he went up to visit her a couple times after she moved away. I think I showed up at one point during the second trip. There’s an entire page of a sketchbook we bought on that trip filled with the words ‘MAKE IT WORTH IT’. There was this feeling that Eli had of going through the motions while we were around her.

At some point after that second (I think there were two? I honestly can’t remember) trip communication started to drop off. I think that was when I stopped fronting altogether because I thought we might never be able to transition because of our back surgery. The next bits are blurry for me. At some point during grade 12, after not having talked to her for a few months, Eli got a new follower who started to interact with a lot of his transition related posts. Their url kind of implied that either they were trans too or at least were trans centric, he didn’t think much of it. He liked the attention, like any of us would. There’s one specific post we remember where this follower said something like ‘oooh can you make me coffee in that outfit?’ and another where they called Eli handsome in one of his shirtless binder pictures for a review of it so we decided to check out their blog to determine if this was a creep or someone we wanted to maybe be friends with.

We scrolled for a little while, it looked like a diary blog and an account of her wife’s transition. Then at the very bottom of the blog there was an apology post addressing Eli (or me, I only chose the name Keirren because when we sorted system stuff out, Eli was the one doing it and the name was effectively his at that point. I chose Eli when I figured out I was trans, but Keirren was the first name I chose for myself online so I went with that one in the end) by name. I can’t remember the exact contents of the post, that memory is Eli’s, but the gist of it was that she felt at fault for letting the relationship fall apart. Eli knew that he was the one who ghosted, but at that point had no idea why he’d done it.

He exited the tab and decided to just not address it. School was too stressful to bother with much else, our Nanny had just died (which made iv go dormant for a while, also cutting off even more of our emotional range) and our parents’ abusive behavior was at its worst then.

A couple weeks later he decided it was best to just say something instead of beating around the bush, and went to find the apology post so he could reference specific bits of stuff to make sure he got everything. The post had been deleted. He figured that the apology (that he didn’t really think was necessary, in fact he thought he should be the one apologizing) was retracted, that she didn’t want to get back in contact with us again.

That was that. For a while. She kept interacting with him through that blog, and had no identifying information that would have tipped us off to it being her on it if we hadn’t seen that post.

There were a few instances of him checking the blog to see if she had made another post at us and the two of them vaguing back and forth.

Eli felt. Skeeved out. But he didn’t know how to go about addressing any of it because there was this big fucking hole in his memory, or reasoning, or something, about why he’d just let go of someone who had been so important to ‘him’. He graduated, took a gap year, and at some point during that, she texted us.

We had no idea she still had our number, and she sent us a shitload of texts. I don’t remember the contents of any of it, all I know is that it ended in Eli telling her to fuck off and never contact us again. Partly because he was scared of sounding like he was making excused or a bad person for not knowing why he did what he did, partly because he was understandably angry and freaked out.

I think it was a few months after that that Eli finally gained an inkling of what was going on with our brain, that there was an ‘us’ instead of a ‘him’. At that point it was just Fever and iv. Then we went to university.

Cue one of the worst mental breakdowns Eli has ever had, bad enough that he got sucked inworld after a hospitalization and I got spat back out to the front for the first time in... Three years? Maybe a little less, but this was the first time I was solidly present for more than a handful of hours in at least two years. At least that.

The last two years while we were away at school and trying to survive halfway across the country aren’t. Super relevant to this so I’ll give some highlights.

Eli told his partner about all of the above. We figured out that it was me who was friends with Kelowna, mostly since I missed her so fucking much and kept wanting to get back in contact with her. I became a member of the main fronting group after pulling some really horrible shit and consequently patching things up with the people I hurt. I grew up a lot, and I’m so fucking happy I got to where I am.

There were a couple times that our paranoia got so bad that we thought we saw her around the city we were in even though that was nearly impossible.

During a visit home with Eli’s partner (wait shit, this particular instance would have been before they moved with us. Okay so this was with Eli’s partner, but just before they moved with us) we put all of the stuff of Kelowna’s we still had in a bag, drove down to where her parents lived in the middle of the night, and chucked it over the fence. Eli wanted closure, I knew all I would ever do with that stuff was use it to cling on to memories and a relationship that would never go back to how it was before.

So for the time between my re-emergence and now, I’ve grown up a lot, but I still spend a significant amount of time thinking about her. About what could have happened differently. Wanting to tell her what happened. Sometimes knowing it’s just out of my need/want for closure over the whole situation, and other times self righteously going ‘She deserves to know after what I did to her!’. I’m not sure how true either of those things are.

I’m either a holder for all of our feelings and memories of her, or I just plain old fucking miss her because she was my best friend. Maybe I’m bitter because I want my life back still. Because I didn’t get to grow up and I probably never will. All I ever wanted was to prove that I could make it out of high school and survive out from under my parents’ thumb and not give up or kill myself and that didn’t happen. Maybe I’m projecting. I didn’t kill myself, but a lot of me still feels like I gave up. I don’t know. i have a lot of shit to sort out and this tangent is getting out of hand.

About half a year ago, we moved back here to get our shit in order. We got a job, we got on assistance, we figured out a living situation for the time being.

And then she walked into our job about a month ago.

Then she messaged us about two weeks ago.

And all of this, all six years of this condensed down into rapid flashbacks and memories I wish I’d never tried to push away coming back to me, came bubbling back up.

I miss her so much.

I know it’s the stupidest thing but the messages sent us just sound like she’s grown and changed a lot.

I still want to tell her and I have no idea what to do.

So I spent an hour writing all of this so I wouldn’t message her and so I could get all of this sorted out in order in my head and I think I have things as in order as I’ve had them in a while

And now I have no idea what to do with all of it.

Like, great, I have a chronological account of what happened how I remember it happening, but where do i go now? At this point I’m just writing this to keep myself from switching back to the Facebook tab I have open where I have her message up and talking to her.

So. Yeah. That’s been my month.

#kelowna #keirren shut up

0 notes

trendingnewsb · 7 years

Text

Facing poverty, academics turn to sex work and sleeping in cars

Adjunct professors in America face low pay and long hours without the security of full-time faculty. Some, on the brink of homelessness, take desperate measures

There is nothing she would rather do than teach. But after supplementing her career with tutoring and proofreading, the university lecturer decided to go to remarkable lengths to make her career financially viable.

She first opted for her side gig during a particularly rough patch, several years ago, when her course load was suddenly cut in half and her income plunged, putting her on the brink of eviction. In my mind I was like, Ive had one-night stands, how bad can it be? she said. And it wasnt that bad.

The wry but weary-sounding middle-aged woman, who lives in a large US city and asked to remain anonymous to protect her reputation, is an adjunct instructor, meaning she is not a full-time faculty member at any one institution and strings together a living by teaching individual courses, in her case at multiple colleges.

about

I feel committed to being the person whos there to help millennials, the next generation, go on to become critical thinkers, she said. And Im really good at it, and I really like it. And its heartbreaking to me it doesnt pay what I feel it should.

Sex work is one of the more unusual ways that adjuncts have avoided living in poverty, and perhaps even homelessness. A quarter of part-time college academics (many of whom are adjuncts, though its not uncommon for adjuncts to work 40 hours a week or more) are said to be enrolled in public assistance programs such as Medicaid.

They resort to food banks and Goodwill, and there is even an adjuncts cookbook that shows how to turn items like beef scraps, chicken bones and orange peel into meals. And then there are those who are either on the streets or teetering on the edge of losing stable housing. The Guardian has spoken to several such academics, including an adjunct living in a shack north of Miami, and another sleeping in her car in Silicon Valley.

The adjunct who turned to sex work makes several thousand dollars per course, and teaches about six per semester. She estimates that she puts in 60 hours a week. But she struggles to make ends meet after paying $1,500 in monthly rent and with student loans that, including interest, amount to a few hundred thousand dollars. Her income from teaching comes to $40,000 a year. Thats significantly more than most adjuncts: a 2014 survey found that the median income for adjuncts is only $22,041 a year, whereas for full-time faculty it is $47,500.

We take a kind of vow of poverty

Recent reports have revealed the extent of poverty among professors, but the issue is longstanding. Several years ago, it was thrust into the headlines in dramatic fashion when Mary-Faith Cerasoli, an adjunct professor of Romance languages in her 50s, revealed she was homeless and protested outside the New York state education department.

We take a kind of vow of poverty to continue practicing our profession, Debra Leigh Scott, who is working on a documentary about adjuncts, said in an email. We do it because we are dedicated to scholarship, to learning, to our students and to our disciplines.

Adjuncting has grown as funding for public universities has fallen by more than a quarterbetween 1990 and 2009. Private institutions also recognize the allure of part-time professors: generally they are cheaper than full-time staff, dont receive benefits or support for their personal research, and their hours can be carefully limited so they do not teach enough to qualify for health insurance.

This is why adjuncts have been called the fast-food workers of the academic world: among labor experts adjuncting is defined as precarious employment, a growing category that includes temping and sharing-economy gigs such as driving for Uber. An American Sociological Association taskforce focusing on precarious academic jobs, meanwhile, has suggested that faculty employment is no longer a stable middle-class career.

Adjunct English professor Ellen James-Penney and her husband live in a car with their two dogs. They have developed a system. Keep nothing on the dash, nothing on the floor you cant look like youre homeless, you cant dress like youre homeless. Photograph: Talia Herman for the Guardian

The struggle to stay in housing can take many forms, and a second job is one way adjuncts seek to buoy their finances. The professor who turned to sex work said it helps her keep her toehold in the rental market.

This is something I chose to do, she said, adding that for her it is preferable to, say, a six-hour shift at a bar after teaching all day. I dont want it to come across as, Oh, I had no other choice, this is how hard my life is.

Advertising online, she makes about $200 an hour for sex work. She sees clients only a handful of times during the semester, and more often during the summer, when classes end and she receives no income.

Im terrified that a student is going to come walking in, she said. And the financial concerns have not ceased. I constantly have tension in my neck from gritting my teeth all night.

To keep their homes, some adjuncts are forced to compromise on their living space.

Caprice Lawless, 65, a teacher of English composition and a campaigner for better working conditions for adjuncts, resides in an 1100 sq ft brick house near Boulder, Colorado. She bought it following a divorce two decades ago. But because her $18,000 income from teaching almost full time is so meager, she has remortgaged the property several times, and has had to rent her home to three other female housemates.

I live paycheck to paycheck and Im deeply in debt, she said, including from car repairs and a hospitalization for food poisoning.

Like every other adjunct, she says, she opted for the role thinking it would be a path to full-time work. She is so dependent on her job to maintain her living situation that when her mother died this summer, she didnt take time off in part because she has no bereavement leave. She turned up for work at 8am the next day, taught in a blur and, despite the cane she has used since a hip replacement, fell over in the parking lot.

If she were to lose her home her only hope, she says, would be government-subsidized housing.

Most of my colleagues are unjustifiably ashamed, she said. They take this personally, as if theyve failed, and Im always telling them, you havent failed, the system has failed you.

A precarious situation

Even more desperate are those adjuncts in substandard living spaces who cannot afford to fix them. Mindy Percival, 61, a lecturer with a doctorate from Columbia, teaches history at a state college in Florida and, in her words, lives in a shack which is in the woods in middle of nowhere.

Lecturer Mindy Percivals mobile home in Stuart, Florida. Her oven, shower and water heater dont work. Photograph: Courtesy of Mindy Percival

The mobile home she inhabits, located in the town of Stuart, north of Miami, was donated to her about eight years ago. It looks tidyon the outside, but inside there are holes in the floor and the paneling is peeling off the walls. She has no washing machine, and the oven, shower and water heater dont work. Im on the verge of homelessness, constantly on the verge, she said.

Percival once had a tenure-track job but left to care for her elderly mother, not expecting it would be impossible to find a similar position. Now, two weeks after being paid, I might have a can with $5 in change in it. Her 18-year-old car broke down after Hurricane Irma, and she is driven to school by a former student, paying $20 a day for gas.

I am trying to get out so terribly hard, she said.

Homelessness is a genuine prospect for adjuncts. When Ellen Tara James-Penney finishes work, teaching English composition and critical thinking at San Jose State University in Silicon Valley, her husband, Jim, picks her up. They have dinner and drive to a local church, where Jim pitches a tent by the car and sleeps there with one of their rescue dogs. In the car, James-Penney puts the car seats down and sleeps with another dog. She grades papers using a headlamp.

Over the years, she said, they have developed a system. Keep nothing on the dash, nothing on the floor you cant look like youre homeless, you cant dress like youre homeless. Dont park anywhere too long so the cops dont stop you.

James-Penney, 54, has struggled with homelessness since 2007, when she began studying for her bachelors degree. Jim, 64, used to be a trucker but cannot work owing to a herniated disk. Ellen made $28,000 last year, a chunk of which goes to debt repayments. The remainder is not enough to afford Silicon Valley rent.

At night, instead of a toilet they must use cups or plastic bags and baby wipes. To get clean, they find restrooms and we have what we call the sink-shower, James-Penney said. The couple keep their belongings in the back of the car and a roof container. All the while they deal with the consequences of ageing James-Penney has osteoporosis in a space too small to even stand up.

James-Penney does not hide her situation from her class. If her students complain about the homeless people who can sometimes be seen on campus, she will say:Youre looking at someone who is homeless.

That generally stops any kind of sound in the room, she says. I tell them, your parents could very well be one paycheck away, one illness away, from homelessness, so it is not something to be ashamed of.

Ellen James-Penney teaching an English class at San Jose State University in California. She tells her students, youre looking at someone who is homeless. Photograph: Talia Herman for the Guardian

I hung on to the dream

Many adjuncts are seeking to change their lot by unionizing, and have done so at dozens of schools in recent years. They are notching successes; some have seen annual pay increases of about 5% to almost 20%, according to Julie Schmid, executive director of the American Association of University Professors.

Schools are often opposed to such efforts and say unions will result in higher costs for students. And for certain adjuncts, any gains will come too late.

Mary-Faith Cerasoli, 56, the homeless adjunct who captured the publics attention with her protest in New York three years ago, said that in the aftermath little changed in termsof her living situation. Two generous people, a retiree and then a nurse, offered her temporary accommodation, but she subsequently ended up in a tent pitched at a campground and, after that, a broken sailboat docked in the Hudson river.

But there was, however, one shift. All the moving around made it hard for her to make teaching commitments, and in any case the pay remained terrible, so she gave it up. She currently lives in a subsidized room in a shared house in a wealthy county north of New York.

For Rebecca Snow, 51, another adjunct who quit teaching after a succession of appalling living situations, there is a sense of having been freed, even though finances continue to be stressful.

Author Rebecca Snow, now retired from adjuncting, has moved to a small apartment just north of Spokane, Washington. Photograph: Rajah Bose for the Guardian

She began teaching English composition at a community college in the Denver area in 2005, but the poor conditions of the homes she could afford meant she had to move every year or two. She left one place because of bedbugs, another when raw sewage flowed into her bathtub and the landlord failed to properly fix the pipes.

Sometimes her teenage son would have to stay with her ex-husband when she couldnt provide a stable home. Snow even published a poem about adjuncts housing difficulties.

In the end she left the profession when the housing and job insecurity became too much, and her bills too daunting. Today she lives in a quiet apartment above the garage of a friends home, located 15 miles outside Spokane, Washington. She has a view of a lake and forested hills and, with one novel under her belt, is working on a second.

Teaching was the fantasy, she said, but life on the brink of homelessness was the reality.

I realized I hung on to the dream for too long.

Do you have an experience of homelessness to share with the Guardian? Get in touch