Tumgik
#like!!!!!!!!!! it's not like i'd be scared of hurting myself on them or anything
orcelito · 1 year
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currently wondering whether collecting my blades for a group pic would be bad for my tenuous mental health atm
#speculation nation#i was trying to list out all my blades but i have far too many to reasonably do that way#so the natural next step would be to collect them all up for a pic#i havent done that in a while. now is probably not a good time.#like!!!!!!!!!! it's not like i'd be scared of hurting myself on them or anything#my knives are a solid for Cool Factor or Practical Use only. not for bad mental health times#but having a bunch of blades before me might not be the best plan#..but also. also. i kinda really wanna collect all my babies in one place#i dont even know how many i have. i have way too many & it's been several years since ive done a group count#/ picture. and this time i will TRY to not drop my machete on my finger#still sometimes astounded that i managed to drop my machete on my finger point-first and somehow did NOT take a finger off#i was very very lucky it hit the bone rather than the joint. hurt like a bitch and left a scar but couldve been Much worse#uhm. i learned from it though! no more big machete in unidentified boxes#oh yea i forgot my machete is still located in my bed frame. im so used to it i forget i literally sleep next to a machete every night#a naked blade as long as my leg. but i keep it wrapped up with the blade Down so no injuries have occurred!#........ when i talk about this shit like this it makes me astounded no one's tried to stage an intervention#ive only gotten lil knicks from my stupidity so i guess ppl have decided im not That much of a hazard to myself#the machete in the bedframe is just from paranoia anyways. just like my axe on the display case#oh fuck i forgot i own an axe. and a spear. and several swords.#and a CANE SWORD and a fuck ton of pocket knives. guys i own a lot of blades.#this is not stopping my wish to gather them up for a group picture. it's been so long i have forgotten most of what i own. help
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hella1975 · 1 year
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choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her
#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me#and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front#always always bowl me over#like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time#like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that#when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair#but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard#so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment?#and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's#even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with#bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc#i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum#BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart#like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me#it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE#and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry#and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls#that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good#and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her#that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension#and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone#but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her#i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me#but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her#girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH#hella goes home
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daz4i · 8 months
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man if anyone else was in my situation I'd tell them "noooo don't listen to the people in your life who tell you you're making excuses and just being lazy, it's clear that you're in pain, not to mention executive dysfunction makes everything so much harder and depression draining you immediately after one action, be kinder to yourself" however. i am not anyone else
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bibiana112 · 11 months
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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again
Well the short answer is no :D
#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO#fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason#and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable#and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't#but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere#it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be#and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me#and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy#why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate#why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff#does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted#it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me#that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned#...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden#I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe#at least a little#everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do#have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence#''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like#fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma#delete later#like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't
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seorikkun · 2 years
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#i feel like it's some big kept secret that i'm not as High Functioning as people think i am#like ... i'm the furtherst fucking thing from High Functioning#i just am really good at pretending#i really don't know what i'm doing#i'm just tired of everyone and everything#of people pushing me away or yelling at me for not being enough#or for having to keep silent to those i speak to because i cant scare them away#i'm always too much for people and it just fucking blows#try to convince myself i'm 'normal' enough for people to tolerate#but i know that i'm probably not and that everyone expects me to just fade away#i don't remember what it feels like to have friends who like me#i havent had that since i was like 20#now it's just me and my sad playlist against the world#i don't really know how to fix myself either#all i do is take my meds every day and hope it will get better#i try i guess ... but it's not really enough#i don't crave anything negative but i feel like if someone hurt me or i hurt myself i'd at least have a reason to be this way#i dont pray on my own downfall and i dont dismiss anyone else's experiences but like#girl why are you acting like this youre just mentally ill#that doesn't give me the right to be this way i guess ?#this way meaning sad and empty and like a void#i feel like i'm made of fucking scribbles and screaming#how do i even explain it#i dont know who i am when i look at myself#i dont know who i am or why im here or why i keep going#humans need connection but i barely have any#my parents and i hardly interact anymore now that all i do is work and sleep#i wake up i work i sleep i wake up i work i sleep#i dont feel close to anyone#not even myself really
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poohsources · 8 months
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🐝  *  ―  𝑯𝑶𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.
❛  how could you do that? i thought we were friends!  ❜ ❛  the world would be a better place without you in it.  ❜ ❛  don't even think about trying to beg for forgiveness.  ❜ ❛  do you have any idea how much harm you've caused?  ❜ ❛  i don't ever want to see your face again!  ❜ ❛  i promise you i'm going to make your life a living hell.  ❜ ❛  the others may be able to ignore the past, but i surely won't.  ❜ ❛  if you ever hurt them, i swear, i won't hesitate to punch you.  ❜ ❛  don't even try and act friendly with me.  ❜ ❛  that's not a threat. it's a promise.  ❜ ❛  i'm not the same helpless little girl i used to be. now i can finally defend myself against you.  ❜ ❛  you lay one hand on me and it'll be the last thing you ever do.  ❜ ❛  it's about time you finally get what's been coming to you for years.  ❜ ❛  actually, you're not as bad as people say. you are so much worse.  ❜ ❛  tell me one good reason why i should believe anything you say.  ❜ ❛  oh look, it's the useless one again.  ❜ ❛  i'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.  ❜ ❛  how anyone can stand being in the same room as you is beyond me.  ❜ ❛  that's a low blow. even for you.  ❜ ❛  unless you want to end up with my fist in your face, i'd rather shut my mouth.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could be there when you finally get what's coming to you.  ❜ ❛  i wish you'd never been born!  ❜ ❛  fuck you! this is all your fault!  ❜ ❛  have you lost your mind?!  ❜ ❛  you betrayed us and still you think you can think you can just waltz back in here like nothing ever happened?  ❜ ❛  no! i've had enough with you. go to hell!  ❜ ❛  i want you to go and never come back. and if you do, i promise you'll regret it.  ❜ ❛  do you have another clever idea to get us killed?  ❜ ❛  name one good reason why i shouldn't hurt you right now.  ❜ ❛  next time we see each other i won't be so nice.  ❜ ❛  is this supposed to scare me?  ❜ ❛  i can't believe i ever trusted you ...  ❜ ❛  you should have killed me when you had the chance.  ❜ ❛  come any closer and you'll regret it.  ❜ ❛  you may win this time ... but i will get my revenge sooner or later.  ❜ ❛  are you threatening me?  ❜ ❛  and you can go to hell for all i care.  ❜ ❛  lay one hand on them and i'll make sure you won't ever be able to lay a hand on anyone ever again.  ❜ ❛  i'm not your friend! i never was, i never will be.  ❜ ❛  i'll make you regret the day you were born.  ❜
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heartsoji · 1 year
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haikyuu boys with an s/o who's really scared of horror movies
pairings: iwaizumi x reader, oikawa x reader, tsukishima x reader, bokuto x reader
a/n: lol this is me i actually cannot with horror like at all
warnings: post-timeskip in iwaizumi's
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iwaizumi hajime
iwaizumi's pretty good with horror movies
occasionally, he'll be a little caught off-guard with a sudden jumpscare, but he's pretty much fine otherwise
now YOU..
you are not ok.
you are screaming, hiding, and tearing up
he honestly doesn't really understand what's so scary about them
since i hc iwaizumi to be a realist, he'd be like
it's a movie. it was filmed. those are actors. it's so obvious none of that stuff could ever happen in real life
still, he understands that you're really scared and tries his best to comfort you
time to put those beefy athletic trainer arms to work
he lets you cling onto them for the whole movie and lets you use then as a stress ball
iwaizumi's a traditional, old school, cheesy hopeless romantic. convince me otherwise.
therefore, his method of comfort usually comes in the form of soothing words and back rubs in his arms
its actually quite nice. he lets you scream into his titties (HE HAS TITTIES AND THEYRE MORE ROCK SOLID THAN REGINA GEORGE'S MOM'S. CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.)
when you're truly scared scared (like heart pounding, sobs racking ur body, you're def gonna get rlly bad nightmares type of scared scared)
he will probs turn it off bc he thinks that no movie ending is worth this much terror
he cares about you a lot, after all. he thinks its slightly amusing when you're screaming your head off at the obviously fake blood, but he would never want you to be fearful for real
rubs your back and whispers soothing words into your ear
"its ok" "i'm right here" "don't worry, i'd protect you if they ever came" type of stuff
after you've calmed down a bit, he'll try to make you laugh
jokes, tickles, anything, really!
he hates seeing you scared. he just wants you to be happy
10/10. marry me sir.
oikawa tooru
lol
hate to break it to you but
tooru is equally as scared of horror movies
you guys have to cuddle up in blanket burritos together and scream at every jumpscare
honestly you both only make it through the movie through sheer willpower
if you're crying, he'll try to comfort you, but tbh he's pretty damn scared himself
however, once the movie is over, he's totally fine
movie forgotten. out of memories. what movie should you guys watch next?
but YOU
you're still crying
you're still really shaken up
you're def gonna have nightmares
he takes that opportunity to be the manly man he is and swoops you up bridal style
he's very charming. he looks at you in the most dazzling, heart-melting way
lol boy u were just crying too stfu
he cuddles you close, and just like iwa, whispers sweet words into your ear
however, unlike iwa, they're much more...childish? playful? how to describe them..
"it'll be ok. your big, strong, boyfriend will protect anything that tries to hurt his princess" "*dramatic gasp* YOU DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF FIGHTING IT OFF BY MYSELF? HOW COULD YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME LIKE THIS? THIS.. THIS IS BETRAYAL" "they don't even look that strong. im sure i could hit a volleyball at one and it would rip into two!"
stuff like that
he would make sure to cuddle you extra close that night
overall, he's pretty fun and is good at making everything seem less serious. 8.5/10!
tsukishima kei
honestly, he's as affected by horror movies at the average guy
he doesn't find them as terrifying as oikawa, but he's definitely not as unaffected as iwaizumi
but you'd never know that
why?
he just hides his emotions really, really well
also he just sometimes focuses on the wall behind the tv and drowns out the voices
he just sits through them and bears them, basically
now, why? why in the world would he do this when he doesn't even enjoy it?
to make fun of you, duh. shouldn't that have been obvious?
when you leap 30ft out of your seat into the air, he laughs at you
he'll even add onto your fear by like grazing your opposite shoulder when you aren't looking and pretending he didn't do it
hes a brat
but honestly, he partially enjoys it when you spring onto him at the jump scares, no matter how much he denies it
as we all know, the boys a lil shy about asking for affection
with horror movies, he gets your affection without even asking for it! yay!
but once the movies over, if you're really shaken up, he'll use his giant beanpole arms and spoon you until you fall asleep
but then he'll be an ass about it the following week
pokes, grabs, jabs you and will say,
"huh? it wasn't me. maybe it was the (wtv villain or ghost or spirit or wtv from the movie)!"
2/10. makes fun of you and makes the movie even scarier tbh. the 2 points r only bc of the comfort he gives after its over.
bokuto koutaro
like most things in life, bokuto goes between two extremes, and never crosses into the middle
he's either having super insane cut shots that go BOOM
OR he's doing awful and is in his emo mode
same thing with this
he either isn't affected by it at all and just laughs
or he screams when the character breathes a lil too heavily
now, if he thinks the movie's not scary at all, he's pretty good to watch with if you're super scared
during the scary parts, he lets you cling onto his beefy arm while he just watches the movie in amusement
like there's a really scary scene where there's a huge jumpscare into the most climatic scene in the movie and you're burying your face into his arm but in the background you just hear:
"HAHAHAHAHA! Y/N Y/N! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! HE'S...HE'S GETTING CHASED BY THIS GREY LITTLE CHILD! HAHAHAHA ITHIHIHIT'S EYES LOOK LIKE TAPIOCAAHAHAAHA"
"oh the grey little child is smiling! it's kinda cute! why is the main character guy sweating? he looks like me right after a long game"
"why'd the grey little child pull a purple thing out of his throat? what's that? i wonder what it tastes like though..i think it would be a thick gummy texture, but maybe a little gooey on the inside. definitely grape-flavored. the really sweet artificial good one. oh.. now i want a gummy!"
yeah
he definitely makes it less scary because he makes all the scary stuff seem really stupid
honestly pretty nice. you might not get as many nightmares because of him
now
when he's terrified, he's more terrified than you
*main character sneezes* "AHHHHHHH"
think oikawa x 800
mhm
honestly, you kind of have to take the comfort role even though you're deathly afraid of horror movies
"kou, he's just walking. its ok."
honestly he makes it seem less scary like this too because it forces you to see why the movie isn't actually that scary because you have to find out the reasons to comfort him
8.7/10. a sweetie
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itsjunear · 3 months
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"Hidden Feelings" Part 2
Note: Hi everyone! I apologize for the delay with this second part. I had some issues and I've just been able to finish it. Again, I appreciate the time you take to read me. English is not my first language, and I apologize if this is terrible. Love you! ❤❤❤
Psdt: I want to thank everyone for all the reblogs, likes, and comments on the previous post 😭😭😭 It really brightened my week, I adore you all.
The tags are located at the end. If you want me to tag you for the third and final part, let me know.
Part 1
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Demons, I had forgotten how much I struggled with getting up early.
Especially after staying up late after dinner. I was sure I had passed out on the couch, but I had woken up in one of the rooms I used when I stayed over. I had a slight suspicion of who had brought me there, but for my own good, I decided not to dwell on it.
I forced my body to wake up and get out of the comfortable sheets. I took a quick shower, and the house already had the Ilyrios leathers ready when I stepped out, so I left a grateful remark aloud before getting dressed.
I figured most people had stayed over, so I tried to make as little noise as possible as I sneaked into the kitchen to have some leftovers from the night before. It was really delicious, so if I was going to say goodbye to good food for the time I was away, I would make sure to enjoy these last bites. I couldn't stay at the Ilyrios camps; it would be very suspicious if I did after Rhys was asking what had happened to those females. And if I wanted to get answers, real answers, I'd have to make sure to be careful. They would guess my motives for being in the camp as soon as I set foot in it. So, ruled out.
However, there was a tavern a bit further away, nothing a few minutes' walk wouldn't solve, with rooms upstairs. The Ilyrios frequented it for drinks. Therefore, that would be my biggest advantage.
A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality, and I let out a startled shriek before turning around.
"What the hell…"
Oh...
When I noticed the hazel eyes and the shadows in tendrils spreading around the room, I relaxed.
"You scared me to death," I whispered slowly. Az smiled slightly, and for a moment, I held my breath. "I made some noise so you'd hear me, but you were committed to the mission" he pointed at my half-eaten food. I shook my head while suppressing a smile and hurried to clean up what I had messed up.
"Leave it, I'll do it" his voice interrupted me again, as his scent enveloped me, and he gently took things out of my hands. I glanced for a moment at the action, at his scarred hands moving, beautiful as anything I had seen, yet I couldn't ignore the fact that he was making an effort not to touch me, as if consciously avoiding brushing against me. A pang of pain shot through my chest, and I raised my guard again.
How foolish I was being, a complete and damn fool.
"It's okay, Azriel. I can handle it" I tried to say firmly but quietly, unaware that he was looking at me, studying me, searching for something. His wings fluttered softly, and shadows roamed freely around the room, around us.
"Why do you call me that?" he asked slowly, and I looked at him slightly confused, while tendrils of shadows wrapped around my fingers, tickling me a little with their cold touch, but managing to make me smile affectionately at them.
"Call you what?" I replied back, distracted by his shadows.
"Azriel," he said flatly. "You stopped saying my full name shortly after we met, and you've gone back to that for several weeks now."
I didn't respond. Obviously, if there was anyone in the world who could notice those things, it would be him. But I couldn't answer him, not honestly, at least. I couldn't tell him that I couldn't call him Az without it hurting, because it made me think of him with love, and I couldn't allow myself to continue that, not when I saw him with the beautiful Archeron sister. So I continued playing with his shadows, avoiding answering, but I felt his attentive gaze on me until the tendrils returned to him, and I had no choice but to lift my head to find him a short distance away from me.
"Did you take me to bed last night?" I asked, changing the subject. Az simply nodded. "Thank you" I whispered, not knowing what else to say. I swallowed hard and stepped away, ready to leave once and for all, before I did or said something I would regret later.
"Y/N" he called, "Is everything okay?"
I tensed in my place, of course, he had also noticed that. "Yes" I lied without looking at him as I moved to put some snacks in the small backpack that, oh surprise, he had given me in a past solstice and I always carried with me.
"If it's about dinner, I'm sorry…"
"It's okay, it's forgotten" I interrupted, because if he said anything more, my heart would warm completely, and I would end up lowering the walls. "No" he said firmly, "questioning you like that made it seem like I thought you weren't capable. It's not about that" he looked at me confidently, his hazel eyes fixed on me, almost making me shiver.
I didn't want to know what else it was about because that would hurt my already wounded heart more, so I sent the curiosity to the deepest place in my mind and gagged it with all my might.
"It's okay, Azriel" I smiled slightly, "Apologies accepted" I took my backpack, ready to leave this house once and for all and sink into self-pity while freezing to death in the Ilyrian mountains.
"I still think it's a bad idea for you to go alone" he blurted out once I had turned my back, causing me to freeze in place.
"We've talked about this, you know I can do it." I took one more step before his voice sounded again, "I'm not saying no, just maybe…"
"Azriel, I really don't want to have this discussion again, please" I interrupted quickly. I didn't want him to offer. I couldn't let him, because then I wouldn't know what my reaction would be, and it would give me away.
"You're being irrational, you know?" he shook his head in a resigned tone.
Well, thank Mother he didn't insist further. I released the breath I was holding, and I supposed he realized that I wouldn't give in this time. Not even for him, despite the fact that, in the last few centuries, the word 'no' was never in my vocabulary when it came to Az.
"Maybe" I waved my hand without turning, "See you later, shadow singer."
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That same afternoon, I was already settled in the rundown room of the tavern. I had to persuade the owner to give me the most decent place possible, and honestly, if this was the best he could offer, I'd take it. It was either this or sleeping on the outskirts of the camp freezing my butt off.
I wrinkled my nose as the smell of mold burned my nostrils. By the Cauldron, Rhys had made me too spoiled.
"Y/N" I heard a voice in my mind.
Speaking of being spoiled…
"I can hear that" the voice spoke again.
I smiled softly. "Of course. Oh mighty High Lord" I replied mockingly.
"I'm glad to see you're in better spirits, Y/N" he responded, also teasing, and my smile faltered. A hint of humor seeped into my mind, and I realized that's what he wanted: to mess with me.
"Don't you have a mate to attend to, Rhys? Instead of bothering me?" I retorted sharply.
"Feyre is very well taken care of by me, thank you for your concern. And to answer your other question, you promised a nightly report" he remarked in that tone of superiority.
Right. "Well, there's not much to update. I'll be staying in that tavern near the camp, a bit off the beaten path to avoid suspicion. And most people here don't know me, so everything should be fine. Tomorrow I'll inquire more about the deaths of those females. A curious outsider at first, and by nightfall, I'll have answers. It shouldn't take more than three days" a touch of approval filled my mind, and I smiled slowly.
"Let me know if you encounter any problems, Y/N" Rhys paused before asking, "Is everything okay?"
I knew what he meant, and I knew I could tell him because Rhys wouldn't say a word. But opening that little crack would make everything come to light, would make me collapse, and this wasn't the time or place. So I responded with a joke instead, "No, Rhys, this room smells terrible, and the food is tasteless."
His laughter filled my head. "I didn't know you had become so spoiled aside from lazy," he said in a soft tone, and I understood… I understood that Rhys knew I was lying, but he was letting it go to avoid pressuring me. He had noticed my mood at dinner the night before, my need for space, and yet, he had decided not to comment on it.
My heart warmed; I would give my life for him, for my entire family in general.
"Thank you, Rhys" I tried to pour all my gratitude into that simple phrase, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. "For everything" I paused. "Now, go to your neglected mate before I go kick your butt myself."
His laughter filled my head again before disappearing completely, leaving me alone with the thoughts swirling in my mind.
What was that earlier with Az? When I left, he seemed concerned. I understood his position; he didn't want me to come alone in case something went wrong, especially knowing how much I detested the Ilryos for their harsh customs.
Maybe that's all it is. What else could it be? After all, I was almost as well-trained as the three of them. However, Az was the one who had been most reluctant to let me go alone. And what if…
No. I forced myself not to consider any other possibility that gave me hope. Because I had seen it, I had seen how comfortable he was with Elain, and how today, before I left, he made an effort not to touch me even a single inch.
A familiar pain filled my chest, so strong that it forced me to hug myself tightly as I wrapped myself in the blankets of the bed.
Perhaps, this was how it was meant to be. Three brothers with three sisters. There was no place for me in that equation.
And yet, I couldn't help but think of the times his eyes softened at my poor attempts at baking, even though it tasted like crap and not even Cassian could stomach it, Az would eat the entire portion. Or when in training, my muscles were so stiff that I just wanted to drop to the ground, and he provoked me, knowing what to say to touch the competitive fibers within me, forcing me to get up because he wouldn't let my pride be trampled upon. Even the times he played dirty to make me lose a fight, he knew what to do to distract me.
But none of that mattered. Not when he was with Elain.
It hurt, of course it hurt. It's not like I had been displaced from my place beside him. It's just that seeing him with the Archeron sister made me realize that I wasn't indispensable, he could be fine without me. That's why I had distanced myself, for my own good, for the sake of my feelings, of the unrequited love, and for… their sake.
That I couldn't have Az didn't mean I wouldn't let him be happy with someone else.
And by distancing myself, I supposed I had unintentionally done the same with the others. That's why I had missed some training sessions, why I had stopped going to some family dinners, because it hurt to see him. I knew Cassian was worried, I had seen it in his eyes, and for Rhys, it would be as easy as delving into my mind to know, but he would never do that.
I knew they would let me deal with whatever was happening in my own way, that's why they didn't pressure me, none of them, not even Mor, until I was ready to talk.
And that thought made me realize that I wasn't trying hard enough. I had felt lonely because I had unjustly pushed them away. When I got back home, I would make sure to do my part, I would try to be happy for Az and Elain, I would stop skipping training sessions and dinners to avoid crossing paths with him.
I loved him, and seeing him with someone else hurt me, yet I wouldn't let that affect my relationship with my family. I would pay attention to conversations during meals, I would no longer be a ghost. I had finished with self-pity.
However, I still felt glad to have volunteered to participate in this mission; they deserved all the peace they had, and if I could provide them with more time of tranquility by doing these things, I would. I would postpone everything for as long as possible and offer to go anywhere. And with that last thought in mind, I let sleep take over me and slept peacefully for the first time in months.
@going-through-shit @isa1b2h3 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @willowpains @mariahoedt @charlotteintumbleland
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manheeiim · 1 month
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revenge - rafe cameron
summary: someone hurts you and rafe gets revenge || warnings: y/n is hit and pushed, alcohol, rafe throws the glass, rafe kills someone but there are no details || genre: established relationship, angst || word count: approximately 1120
I said goodbye to my friends, still crying after what had happened only 15 minutes ago. My friends asked if I needed them to come inside with me and hang out with me for a bit but I declined their offer, saying that I'd be fine.
I walked towards the front door of Tannyhill, and my friends car drove off, I knew they were all worried due to my condition.
I tried to calm donw a little as I unlocked and opened the front door and was met with a mostly dark home. I made my way over to the kitchen, where I could see that the kitchen light was on, going to see if my boyfriend was in there.
I was seriously nervous for his reaction but all I wanted was him.
I walked into the kitchen and I looked over at Rafe, who was sat at the island, scrolling on his phone as he drank some liquor from a fancy glass cup. He looked over at me and immediately furrowed his eyebrows.
"What the fuck happened to you, Y/n?" Rafe sternly asked he slammed the glass down on the counter, causing me to flinch. He came over to me and brought his hands to my face, holding onto it a little too roughly. "Who did this?" He asked.
"I don't know." I cried out, as he moved his hands from my face to my arms.
"Tell me what happened." Rafe instructed, his jaw clenching at my state, wanting to know who did this so he could kill them, and with Rafe, he wasn't exaggerating when it came to thinking that. He'd really kill them.
"I... I was at the party. Everything was going good." I shakily said.
Rafe nodded, giving me a soft, "Uh-huh.", just wanting to get to what happened to you.
"I got a drink for myself and turned around and accidentally bumped into a girl a splashed some of my drink on her." Rafe nodded, listening to me, still holding onto my arms. "She got really made even though I apologized right away and started talking all this shit." I explained. "I don't know, next thing I knew she slapped me in the face." I told Rafe and I felt his grip on my arms tighten a little.
"What'd you do? You better have hit her back." Rafe said in a serious tone.
"I- I didn't. I really didn't want to fight so I just pushed her away from me and went to walk away. Then her boyfriend came over.." I said and that's when I really felt Rafe's grip on me tighten, holding the grip. It hurt, especially due to the condition I was in. I didn't bother to say anything though, I could already tell that Rafe was fuming.
"I- her boyfriend came over and started yelling at me for pushing his girl, even though she started everything and slapped me first. I only pushed her away to get away from her. He didn't care though and so he came over, slapped me in the face, and pushed me to the ground. It was concrete so... that's why I'm all cut up." I told Rafe.
Rafe let go of me, I watched him tighten his fists into a ball as his jaw clenched. "Show me the damn cuts." H told me, already being able to see some of them but he wanted to see all of them.
I stepped back and showed him the cuts on my hands, arms, and legs from catching myself when I fell onto the ground.
"The one fucking time I'm not your damn ride to the party, this shit happens." Rafe angrily murmurs to himself, looking down, taking deep breaths as he paced around.
I watched him, standing to the side now. He huffed to himself and I could see that his mind was racing. Rafe then grabbed the cup with the liquor and threw it against the wall, causing it to shatter everywhere.
"I'm going to kill that motherfucker." Rafe angrily told me as he came over to me. "What'd he look like, huh? Tell me." He said.
"Rafe.." I softly said, scared of what my boyfriend would do.
Rafe gave me a look, "Don't, Y/n." He said. "Tell me what the fuck he looked like." He then told me.
"I- he had wavy brown hair and uh, he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and these sunglasses." I said, trying to give the best description possible.
"Alright, alright. Yeah, okay." Rafe softly said, more to himself as he paced around again. He then down at me, stopping in front of me. "Don't go anywhere. I'm going to deal with this asshole." He then said in a low voice and I knew when he said that, he meant more than him just beating the guy up.
"Rafe.." I softly said again.
"Shut up, Y/n!" Rafe yelled, causing me to flinch. "He thinks he can touch you like that. No fucking way. Stay here, I'll be back." My boyfriend then harshly told me. "I love you." He then said, leaning down and giving me a quick and harsh kiss before walking past me, grabbing his keys off the counter aggressively as he stormed out of the house.
I cleaned up the broken cup Rafe had thrown while just crying to myself about everything. When I finished, I went upstairs, showered, wincing at the feeling of the soap on some of my cuts, before getting into a nightgown and getting into bed.
I lie there for about an hour, completely lost in thought and worry, before the bedroom door opened. I sat up and saw Rafe coming inside, the room was dark so I couldn't really see anything but his figure. I turned the lamp on my nightstand on, looking at Rafe as he let out a sigh, taking his shirt off. I saw some bruises on his body as well, probably from the guy who'd pushed me.
I watched as he got in his pajamas before getting bed with me. I got closer to him in bed and turned the light off. He turned to face me, putting his arm over my torso.
"I took care of him, you won't have to worry about him anymore." Rafe lowly said.
I didn't know what to say. So, he really killed the guy. I suddenly felt really tense, my heart racing at the thought.
"I love you." My boyfriend told me.
"I love you too." I said back and I meant that, even if it was wrong, especially after what he'd done. He'd done what he did for me. To protect me. So, yes, I loved him. I always would.
-- link to my masterlist
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steveshairychest · 1 year
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"Don't fall in love with me." Steve laughed in a self-deprecating way. His eyes were unfocused and glassy as he stared out at the darkness of lovers lake, his hands fiddled with the nearly empty beer he'd been sipping for the past hour.
Eddie furrowed his brow, mind a little slow from the alcohol as he leaned in closer to the other boy and said, "What if I already have?" They were sitting on the roof of Steve's car, their thighs pressed close and shoulders bumping as they simply just existed together. "It's a little hard for me not to do something I've already done."
Steve exhaled shakily and tipped his head up to the stars. His hands now gripped the glass bottle tightly. "You'll only get hurt. I have a reputation for being a pretty shitty boyfriend." He said it so softly, so weakly, that Eddie had to lean further into his space to hear.
Eddie scoffed once the words registered in his alcohol riddled mind. "That's bullshit." He didn't see Steve flinch. "I think I'd like to decide for myself whether or not you're a shit boyfriend." They've never explicitly talked about their feelings for one another, but it's been implied multiple times. For example, Eddie didn't think they made out as friends in the car before climbing out onto the hood.
He was thankful for the added confidence from the alcohol because he didn't think he'd have the bravery to be this straightforward about how he felt without it.
"Steve, go out with me. Be my boyfriend."
Steve blinked, looked him up and down, and laughed. "You're drunk. You don't want that."
Eddie shoved him lightly. "Fuck you. You don't know what I want. What I want is to call you my boyfriend. Hell, I'll even double that and propose to you right now! That's how serious I am!" He was so fucking scared. He didn't know how far this little game between them went. Was he crossing a line? He'd thought he'd read the signals right but the shock on Steve's face was telling him that maybe he didn't. Maybe he needed to start walking home right now.
"You're serious?" Steve whispered. "You actually want to date me?" Eddie wanted to strangle everyone that had made Steve hate and doubt his own self worth this much. He looked so vulnerable in that moment. His eyes were so wide, so bright under the stars, and his lips were parted ever so slightly in shock as he tried to find any sort of indication that Eddie was lying. He wasn't. He's never wanted anything more than this.
"I'm serious. I think I've wanted to date you since like 8th grade." They both laughed at that. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off Steve's smile, it was a shy thing that he tried to hide with a sip from his beer.
When the laughter died down, Eddie twirled a piece of hair in front of his face and, without looking at Steve, said, "You can say no. I promise not to cry."
"You're a pretty crier, I wouldn't mind too much." He said it so nonchalantly, his eyes crinkled in a smile as he glanced over at a scared shitless Eddie. "Can I give you my answer tomorrow? I...need time to think when my head isn't all fuzzy with booze."
Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Of course. I understand." They sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of the night, both of them caught up in their own heads as they watched the lake lap at the shore.
Eddie hoped the sun stayed away for a little longer. He wasn't ready for the morning light to wash away this moment, he wasn't ready for Steve's answer.
But he knew that no matter what Steve decided, he'd love Steve regardless.
Steve Harrington was so hard not to love.
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In the Blink of an Eye | Bucky Barnes (Mafia AU)
mafia!bucky barnes x f!reader ✧ oneshot
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Summary: With Bucky Barnes, the mafia lord of New York, as your boyfriend, you're usually safe from any and all harm. With a date night gone wrong and your boyfriend distracted, though, anything can happen in the blink of an eye.
A/N: Another one of my favorites because come on, who doesn't love mob Bucky? If you couldn't tell by now, angst is my thing lol, but I'm working on some fluffier oneshots! True to my word, this one's a reader insert for all you lovelies, enjoy and as always keep dreaming 🤍
Warnings: mafia!Bucky, violence, angst, kidnapping, drugging, language, mentions of torture, fluffy ending because I just can't help myself.
Word Count: 5,896
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I knew the dangers when I started. I knew the risks. I welcomed them, I embraced them. They did not scare me and they haven't even now, so many months later.
We always seem to think we know ourselves so well, that we know what we'd do in every situation. I thought I knew.
Then I fell in love.
When you're in love, well, everything changes. For the first time, there's another person that you cannot live without. For the first time, you begin to realize just how far you'd go to keep that love, to strengthen it. I used to avoid love, used to think it was worthless.
Then I met Bucky Barnes, Wolf of the North and mafia lord of New York, and I fell harder than I ever have before.
I love him more than anything else in my life, and so I took on the risks willingly. When you love someone that deeply, that ardently, nothing is a risk. Besides, I knew that he would do everything in his power to protect me. Bucky would never let anything bad happen to me.
That's where I went wrong. Not in overestimating him, but underrating what can happen in the blink of an eye.
"Bucky, I think that guy's following us"
He acts as though he's heard me, but his eyes are glued to the phone in his hand as we weave through the crowds in the New York night. He never usually ignores me like this, and even though I'm growing annoyed, I'm hurt by his lack of attention too.
"We'll be fine, even if he is he wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything" Bucky brushes off, not even looking up from his phone. I let out a small huff as we approach the front of the bar and nightclub he owns.
Before we make it to the doors, I grab his well-muscled arm and gently tug him to face me. He looks up now, his usually softened ice blue eyes plagued with business and stress.
"I thought tonight was just for us, my love" I remind. Something softens in his gaze but he ices it down and doesn't as much as touch me.
"It is, but I have some business to attend to first" his gravelly voice replies.
"Business?" I ask, lifting an eyebrow and smiling softly at him, "You can get business any night, but I-"
"Just give me ten minutes, Y/N." my boyfriend interrupts, and if it were any other day I'd say something back. Too exhausted from work to want an argument, though, I simply sigh and decide to show him patience.
"Alright, you have 10 minutes."
We walk inside, but before we do I cast one more glance back towards the man who I saw following us. My heart hits the floor when my eyes connect directly with his across the street. His mousy brown hair and disheveled brown leather jacket and white shirt set me on edge, so I quickly turn around and follow Bucky into his club.
As soon as I'm back by his side, he presses a gentle but burning hand to my back, his touch, however small, still intoxicating me after all this time. Normally, he'd lean over and whisper sweet nothings or promises of love in my ear and I'd shiver at the whisper of his voice so near, but now he barely even touches me. His mind is so preoccupied with work, I know that, but it has been all week since this weekend is his rival's gala.
But I feel ignored and unappreciated and it's killing me.
The pounding music of the club wraps around me, making it harder to keep my thoughts straight. Bucky and I walk straight to the back of the club, where his business no doubt waits. He pulls away from me without so much as a goodbye, and my heart tugs. Quickly I grab his hand, making him glance at me.
"Bucky, this guy is really freaking me out," I repeat, and I know he said I'll be fine but I need him to be here with me, "Please, stay with me."
"Doll, you're gonna be fine. Now-"
I cut him off, getting frustrated.
"No Bucky! I can fight, sure, but if he-" I interrupt, only for him to cut me right back off.
"Drop it, Y/N. Just go to the bar or something" Bucky growls, pulling out of my grip and walking into the office without a single glance back at me.
My heart cracks.
He's never like this, ever. He's usually so protective it's overbearing, and yet the one time I need that to feel secure, he refuses. I can take care of myself, but I'm not stupid. And no matter how capable and independent I may be, Bucky brings a level of safety to me that I can't describe.
And yet here he is, leaving me alone in his bar with someone following us.
I huff out a sigh and try not to look too forlorn as I traipse over to the bar. Almost as soon as I've arrived and sat at an open bar stool, the bartender who has become somewhat of a friend over the last few months approaches me.
"And how is my favorite customer?" He asks, his hands busy preparing a drink. I shrug, offering him a soft smile.
"I'm alright, Lee," I respond, playing with the edge of my sleeve, "Just a whiskey please."
"Sure thing, Y/N," Lee says, his brows furrowed as he steps away to make my drink. When the glass slides in front of me, I grab onto it with tired fingers.
"So, do you want me to ask what's really going on or do you want me to believe the lie?" The bartender asks, making me raise my gaze from the amber liquid and to my friend's face. He must see the tears gathering in my eyes because a hint of concern grows. I never break like this.
"Believe the lie, please" I nearly whisper, desperate to not have this conversation right now. Lee stares at me for a second longer before nodding.
"Let me know if you need anything else."
When he walks away to take care of another customer, I'm left feeling alone and forgotten in my boyfriend's bar. I sip on the alcohol and seconds turn to minutes, and ten minutes soon becomes twenty. I feel patience slipping and am seconds away from barging into that room and giving my boyfriend a piece of my mind when another voice pipes up beside me.
"I thought tonight was date night," The voice says, and I can't put a face to it. When I turn, the haze of alcohol clears instantly and my spine snaps straight. The music dulls into a hum. The lights grow darker. The color leeches from my body. My hand trembles around the almost empty glass.
It's him. He's got the same messy hair, the same brown jacket. The same hungry eyes.
Instantly, I clamp down hard on my rising panic. I refuse to fall into hysterics of any kind right now. This is the safest place for me to be right now, so I should have nothing to worry about. Instead, I simply shake my head and turn forward, downing the last of my second whiskey.
"You're another kind of stupid if you think anything is going to happen to me in here," I inform, my tone even and calm despite the throbbing, tearing panic within me that makes me want to sprint for Bucky.
"Oh sweetheart, I'm not going to do anything," the man responds, his tone just as even as mine.
I furrow my brows at the ease of his response, but all at once it hits me. My head begins to spin and with each second that passes, my mind begins to fog. No. No. No.
He drugged me.
How did he get it into my drink?
How did I not see it? Smell it? Taste it?
I shove out of my chair so fast that the stool screeches against the hard floor. The sound is absorbed into the mass of the club, though, and an arm snakes around my waist.
"No," I manage out, but the connection between my body and brain seems to be almost severed. The words come out sluggish and far away and when I try to pull from the stalker's hold, my body barely moves.
Instead, I'm left stumbling like I'm drunk with this man guiding me towards the exit as if he's helping me to a cab. The bouncers. Ed and Damien, they won't let him take me. They'll stop him, they'll get him away from me.
"Don't make a scene, Y/N. Your boyfriend isn't even out of his office." My kidnapper's voice slithers into my ear, making my stomach church with nausea.
My boyfriend. Bucky. Oh God, where is Bucky? Why can't I seem to remember where Bucky went? Why he's not here? Why I was alone?
"Bucky, Bucky's gonna-" I slur out, sounding absolutely wasted to the unknowing ear.
"I know, Mr. Barnes going to be so glad I got you home safely," he says suddenly, his entire body shifting tone. I furrow my brows and manage to look and see us just passing Ed and Damien at the door. Even though I can really see straight, I see the two bouncers block the exit when they see me.
"Hey man, what's going on?" I hear Ed ask.
"Nothing much to see, Boss just wanted me to take his lady home," the stalker says, his grip on me tighter than it must appear, "She had a little too much to drink."
Too much to drink? Did I? Why can't I remember what's happening? I didn't think I did but...but maybe I did. Who is this man? He said he's taking me home, maybe Bucky had to cancel date night. It was date night, right?
Both Ed and Damien furrow their brows and look to me, immediate concern drawing on their features when they see the state of me. Some lucid part of me screams to alert them of something, anything, but the thought doesn't come to fruition. It dies somewhere along a neuron and leaves me tripping over my own feet and speechless.
"I've never seen you before, man. How do we know that boss told you to take her home?" Damien asks. My escort doesn't miss a step.
"The Wolf is in states nowadays, isn't he boys?" The stalker replies, and that lucid part sparks up again in protest at the familiar words. That's the code phrase to ensure safety in moments like this.
He knows the code phrase.
They're going to let him take me.
I do what I can to struggle as Ed and Damien step aside, but it only comes across as trying to walk on my own, because the bouncers chuckle slightly.
"Relax Y/N, don't overdo it" Ed quips.
"Rest up, miss. I'll let boss know you got home safely." Damien follows up.
And the lucid part of me fades into the drug haze as my kidnapper guides me out of the safest place on earth without so much of a gun fight. The cool night air slaps me in the face and I whisper, trying to struggle again only to forget why I'm struggling in the first place. My body feels like I'm running through neck-high mud, anyways. Any sharp movements I try to make end in my hands barely moving.
"Bucky," I breathe, an urgency in that word. Beyond the haze and the forgetfulness and the confusion, there's a deep and piercing need to scream out that name. I can't figure out why, but I need him. I can't...I need...
My head's spinning, or maybe it's the world. My stomach is twisting and turning and twisting and turning and tw-
"He can't save you now. He didn't even put up a fight to protect you," that ugly, slimy voice says as a car door opens, "What a shame. A treasure like you should be guarded. But I guess finder's keeper's."
Then I'm shoved into a car and everything goes black.
||| James Buchanan Barnes
Y/N's going to actually kill me. As in my liver on a plate kill me.
The meeting that I promised would only be ten minutes has now gone for forty, and by now she's probably restless, hungry, and a little tipsy.
Great, and I pissed her off earlier so tonight is going to be so much fun.
I pull a hand through my dark hair with a slight groan as the man I was doing business with finally leaves my office. I sit for a second in the semi-quiet of my room, the pounding of music and laughter dulled by the walls. I know I shouldn't have gotten short with her earlier, but damn she wouldn't let up on me with the whole "stalker" thing.
My club is the safest place for her. I would never let anything happen to her, so for her to even think that...I sigh again, shoving it from my mind. It doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is finding my girlfriend and making all of this shit up to her. I rise from my leather chair and walk out of my office, the dulled sounds roaring into full force.
My eyes immediately shoot towards the bar to find my girl only to see an absence of her. With furrowed brows, I sweep my gaze towards the dance floor. Even crowded with people, I don't see her. I roll my eyes instantly, knowing what probably happened. She probably went home, probably's pissed as hell at me. I brush off my suit jacket and walk up to Lee at the bar, immediately garnering his attention. He smiles at me.
"Hey boss, can I get you anything?" He asks.
"No I'm good, thanks Lee," I respond, leaning on the bar with one arm and pinching the bridge of my nose, "Have you seen Y/N? I think I pissed her off."
There's a pause that makes me look over at my bartender. He's looking at me weirdly as he slides a drink to a customer and laughs slightly.
"Real funny, boss," Lee says, cleaning out a few glasses. I straighten up slightly, my brows furrowing deeper and my jaw setting.
"What's so funny, Lee? Have you seen her or not?" I ask, quickly losing my patience. I always thought he had a thing for her, always was too-
"Are you fucking with me right now?" Lee asks genuinely, cutting off my thoughts. When I don't respond, he realizes I'm not joking and his face goes grave, "So you didn't send her home twenty minutes ago?"
The world tilts around me and every ounce of anger, annoyance, and frustration leaves me in an instant. My heart drops like an anchor at sea and I don't dare to believe what Lee's words mean.
"She left twenty minutes ago," I begin slowly, trying desperately to hold myself together and not jump to a conclusion, "With someone who said I sent them to take her home."
Lee's face is slowly falling as he realizes the situation at hand. I feel so sick to my stomach that I can barely stand when Lee gives a faint nod. My world stops and then starts and then stops again.
"I never gave that order." I breathe.
"Bucky, I think that guy's following us"
I brushed her off.
"Bucky, this guy is really freaking me out. Please, stay with me."
I ignored her. I snapped at her. I prioritized work over the light of my life. I told her she'd be fine.
I left her.
Lee is saying something to me but I don't hear it as I shove away and storm over to Ed and Damien, my bouncers. My face is a painting of fury and shame and worry and panic and it's a storm that catches Ed and Damien's attention. They stop what they're doing and look to me, their brows furrowing.
"Boss, what's-"
"You let her leave?" I strangle out, my heart slamming in my chest and my fists balled by my sides, "You let a stranger take her away?"
The two share a confused glance before looking back to me.
"A stranger? Boss, the man who took Y/N home knew the code," Ed informs.
"Did you not send him?" Damien suddenly asks, his face tightening in instant panic.
He knew the code. He knew the code and he somehow got my doll, my fighter, out without so much of a warning.
And it's all my fault.
"Shut the club down, get everyone out. Call together all of our forces. Tell them-" My voice breaks, raw emotion clawing up my throat, "Tell them Y/N's been taken."
I don't wait for a response and shove out into the cold night, gasping for air like a fish out of water. I was so obsessed with the gala this week that Hydra, our arch nemesis, was putting on, that I stopped paying attention to the only part of my life that matters. I have a lot of things, all of which I could live without, but I cannot live without her.
And I left her.
I left her and now she's gone.
She tried to warn me, she tried to tell me someone was following us. She tried to get me to stay with her, to not leave her. And yet I walked away. I just walked away like she didn't even matter and I left vulnerable and alone the only person in this entire fucking universe I love. It's all my fault, and I'll spend every second of the rest of my life trying to make it up to her.
If I can even find her in time, before she-
No. I will find her and she will live. I will burn down this whole damn world if I have to, and I will not stop. Not until every person who laid a finger on my girl is dead. I will paint the world crimson with their blood until I find her, and once I do I will never, never, ignore or leave her again.
That's not a threat. It's a promise.
||| Your POV
The collar secured to my throat is too tight, the metal no doubt leaving red grooves in my skin.
It hurts worse when Alexander Pierce, the mafia lord of Hydra, tugs the matching chain leash attached to it, pulling me closer to him and almost making me stumble mid-step.
The gala is glamorous, and my gown is nothing short of it as well. Pierce even went through the trouble of having someone do my hair. What he didn't do was my makeup.
That way anyone could see the dried blood and bruises littering my skin.
It's a scare tactic, I know that. A way to signal to everyone here that he's in charge and that he can't be defied. But I think he's got a bigger reason in mind for it all, the collar and the hideous marks on my skin.
And that reason is my boyfriend.
I can practically feel people's eyes follow me as I walk as steadily as I can at the end of Pierce's leash. Despite the radiating, excruciating pain that each step incurs, I keep my body steady and my chin high. I let the policemen and officials that are on his payroll and all of the members of his mafia see my bruises and cuts. He's parading me, so I'm going to put on a damn show.
A show to hide how mind-numbingly terrified I am right now.
Behind my set jaw and my cold eyes, I'm fighting back tears. The pain is mixing with the fear of the last few days to make a perfect storm within me. I'm terrified that any moment could be my last, that more pain could await me, that Bucky might never come for me
Or worse. That he doesn't even care.
Regardless of whether or not he cares, I'm still not going to give a single detail out. Even when Pierce himself tortured me until all I knew was blood and pain and fear, I said nothing. He didn't get a single word out of me. I just sat there, strapped to an iron chair, and took it. Every blow, every slice, every shout. At times my mind spared me and allowed me to slip into the sweet nothingness of unconsciousness, but it wouldn't be long after that I awoke to my head shoved into cold water to revive me.
And here I am, now taking a seat at the Dias of his gala room beside the mafia lord of Hydra, my boyfriend's sworn rival, with a collar around my neck tied to his wrist.
The music that wafts from the live orchestra is disturbingly jovial and light, filling the air with a sense of peace that provides such a stark juxtaposition to my insides that I almost puke. I sit ever so stiffly in my chair beside Pierce, my back burning with each movement because of the new stripes across its tender flesh.
As I feel warm liquid slide down my skin, I suddenly understand why Pierce insisted my dress be a dark maroon. I thought it was as at first just a beacon to everyone to show who I was with because it was his signature color, but I know better now. It's to hide the blood that seeps from my still-healing and probably infected wounds.
"Exquisite, isn't it?" Pierce asks, and I don't even have to turn towards him to know he wears a devilish smirk. A cruel man's trademark of victory.
I stay silent.
I hear him click his tongue as he sits back in his ornate chair, "All this quality time together and all I've heard from your voice has been your screams. No matter how pretty they are, doesn't seem polite to me."
This time, I can't hold myself back.
"Neither is kidnapping another human being and treating them like a prisoner of war," I announce, my voice raw and hoarse from the screaming and shouting of the past few days, "So pardon me if I'm not feeling too polite."
It's a bold move, but I make it anyways, gambling that he wouldn't lash out in the midst of his party. A little breath of relief escapes me when he chuckles.
"And here I was under the impression you were a sweet, soft-spoken sort of woman. My sources misjudged you." Pierce responds.
Of course he's been watching me. A scheme like this doesn't happen overnight. He's been planning this for a while, now. Pierce knew exactly when Bucky would be most vulnerable, when the defenses would be the loosest. It makes me want to scream.
"You're going to die for this," I whisper, quietly but not softly. There's his laugh again.
"Oh honey," Pierce starts, his voice condescending as if I were a toddler, "Careful with blind faith. What makes you so sure Barnes will make it out of this alive?"
His words unsettle something so deep within me that if I spend more than a few seconds touching on it, I'll shatter. Instead, I turn to look at Alexander Pierce for the first time since we've sat down. My eyes are cold and harsh upon him and the shining metal of the collar that tethers us.
"What makes you so sure it will be Bucky who kills you?"
He has the good sense to look the slightest bit unnerved, and I give him a smirk of my own, "Like you said before, your men sorely misjudged me."
Before he can respond, one of the guards that stands behind us steps forward and whispers something in the mafia lord's ear. Whatever he says makes Pierce grin fiercely as he looks back to me and gives the collar a tug.
"Your White Wolf is here."
My heart jumps so hard that I forget how to function. For a moment, everything else fades and dims away, even the biting pain wrapping me like a blanket of thorns. I snap my head back forward and when I see him I swear I almost break right then and there.
Because his eyes are already on me, and they're coated with fury.
It takes every ounce of strength I have to not dissolve into tears, to not let my fear show.
He's here.
He's here.
Bucky found me.
When our eyes meet, something so primal and raw ignites in his features. He looks seconds away from shattering as his chest heaves, his eyes scouring every inch of me. I feel undone before him, as if the dress doesn't hide a single thing that Pierce and his men have done to me.
"James Barnes," Pierce announces, snapping the connection between us swiftly, "I thought you'd never come. I hope you don't mind, I think I've stolen your date for the evening."
Then he wraps his palm around the chain leash and yanks it so hard that I nearly tumble out of the chair. His hand is there to stop me as it grabs my jaw in a bruising grip. Pierce hums, turning my face side to side before forcing it forward to the crowd that now watches. Bucky is painted with dark rage and looks seconds away from ending Pierce's life.
"She makes quite the pretty pet."
Bucky begins to storm forward only for two of the guests who belong to Pierce's mafia to grip onto his arms and prevent him.
"Take your fucking hand off of her, Pierce, or I swear I'll-" Bucky growls, and hearing his voice is enough to ease some of the knot that's wound in my chest these last few days.
"You'll what?" Alexander asks, releasing my chin but remaining ever so calmly in his seat beside me, "You must not care that much for my pet, after all you were the one to ignore her."
There's a bone-crushing silence and I see that same something shatter in my love's gaze.
"You shoved her off, you left her alone," Alexander cuts out, reaching out and running a hand through my hair, "You so carelessly let her slip through your fingers and here you are pretending to care."
"What I did was unforgivable, I know that," Bucky says suddenly, and I see even from here the silver lining his eyes as he speaks, "But she is a good person. She doesn't deserve this. If you need to punish someone, don't let it be her."
"You don't deserve her," Pierce says, and I want to scream that he's wrong but Bucky cuts me off. His eyes clash with mine and I fall in love all over again.
"I know," he says so softly that I almost miss it. I try to shake my head 'no', but Pierce tightens the collar, making me whimper.
Bucky shoves off the two men holding him, composing himself and standing stiffly a good ways before us.
"Let her go, Pierce," Bucky reiterates, his tone harsh once more and his stare pure murder, "I won't ask again."
Pierce clicks his tongue beside me, letting up on my leash to let me relax slightly.
"Oh Barnes, did you really waltz in here thinking you'd walk back out?"
There's a deadly silence and I swear you can hear my heart smash into the floor even though I expected this. With every second between his last words and his next, I grow more panicked.
"I have you surrounded, Barnes. You're not getting out of this," Pierce announces. Bucky doesn't look the least bit unnerved, though.
Pierce reaches you to an ear piece I didn't know was there and touches it, "Guns at attention."
From my spot next to him, all I hear is static. There's no response coming back, and the confusion becomes evident on Alexander's face at the same moment I realize what's going on. Hope like a new sunrise breaks in me and I look over at Bucky to find him smirking. He winks at me once before furrowing his brows at Pierce.
"What's wrong, can't reach your men?" Bucky taunts.
And then all Hell breaks loose.
Guns are firing and people are screaming and within seconds, Bucky's mafia that's already infiltrated the gala hall appears from the woodwork, their guns raised and keeping the few mafia members left under gun point. Bucky just stands coolly in the midst as another deadly silence blankets the room. I can practically feel the rage draining off of Alexander.
"Get him!" Pierce suddenly shouts, and what few men are left charge at Bucky. Including the personal guards around us. The gunfire begins again, and the classy event is soon painted crimson.
I take the brief moment of chaos to my advantage and shoot up from my seat. As soon as Pierce registers that I'm moving, it's too late. Despite the screaming of my body, I sprint behind Pierce's chair and brace one heeled foot at its back. Then, before he can reach for a gun, I wrap the leash he's collared me with around his neck and pull back, strangling him with the own device he subjected me under.
His hands claw desperately at the chain and I feel my exhausted muscles trembling, but I refuse to let up. I keep holding the chain tighter and snap my gaze up in Bucky's direction just in time to see him shoot a guard between the eyes.
"Bucky!" I shout, gaining his attention instantly.
I know I can't hold Pierce off much longer, so Bucky will need to help me take him down while I've got him strangled to the chair. The metal is cutting deep into his skin when Bucky begins fighting desperately to reach us. Before he can, though, Pierce gets a purchase on the chain and yanks with such force that it sends my body flying over him and the chair. I land flat on my back so hard on the tile that the air rushes out of my lungs and every cut and tear rips open.
"Y/N!" Bucky roars, and it rattles my very bones
I gasp and groan in pain simultaneously, desperately trying to get air into my lungs. The second I can breathe again, Pierce is dragging me backwards by the chain.
"No!" I shout, reaching up and gripping the chain before yanking it.
We tug back and forth as he drags me, but I manage to hook my foot around one of the overturned chairs and use the leverage to yank the chain so hard that I hear a snap followed by a shrill yell.
I just broke his wrist.
When I pull again, the chain comes free and a weight lifts from my shoulders. I scramble to my feet, about to sprint away and towards where I last saw Bucky when Pierce's hands grip my shoulders and rip me back. I don't even have time to scream when my back is slammed into a hard wall and Pierce is before me, a knife in his unmangled hand that's pressed to my cheek.
"You little bitch" he seethes.
My chest is heaving with breath and panic as I read back and spit in his face as hard as I can. He recoils slightly and I relish in it. My happiness only lasts a second, though, because his knife is pressing into my cheek. I try to squirm but his body is pressed firmly to mine and pins me to the wall.
"I so didn't want to end you this quickly," Pierce whispers, his voice slithering against my skin.
I keep trying to be strong, to be so strong, but it's getting harder to keep up. I try to not show my fear, but it's getting harder and harder to hide. I feel myself finally breaking after the hell that these last few days have been and just when I think he's going to end it all, he's gone. In a moment, he's off of me and unconscious on the ground.
And Bucky is standing before me, his chest heaving and his eyes wild.
"Bucky," I breathe, already feeling my strength slip away.
I don't have to be strong anymore.
Bucky drops the gun he just rendered Pierce unconscious with, every inch of his face softening upon my bloody, trembling form. He looks a minute away from crying when I stumble forward and crash into him, letting myself break down in his arms that already wrap around my waist and keep me upright. He keeps me so tight to himself that there is no room between us. I bury my face into his neck and let out a sob, my tears mixing with the blood on his suit. I can't tell which of us is shaking harder, but all I can tell is the warmth and security that Bucky's hands bring me.
"Oh doll," Bucky whispers, sending a shiver down my spine, "You're alive. You're alive."
I mumble some sort of affirmation, but I can barely think straight.
"I'm so sorry, doll. I'm so sorry." Bucky repeats it over and over again, "God, Y/N I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Buck. It's alright," I whisper, but he keeps shaking his head. He pulls back far enough to meet my gaze.
"I've been shitty to you. I should've listened to you, I should never have left you. I am never leaving you again."
"It's okay, I forgive you," I repeat, brushing a bloody hand against his jaw, "Of course it's gonna cost you at least four new pairs of shoes."
At my joke, a laugh of pure relief to have me back in hands escapes his lips. I chuckle softly too, taking in every inch of his breathtaking face. A tear drops down his cheek and he leans his forehead against mine.
"I love you so much, I love you more than life." he breathes.
"I love you too. That's all that kept me breathing, loving you,"I respond, and his lips are on mine in an instant.
Even though it's only been a few days, kissing him feels like I've been in a drought and he's my water. The kiss is desperate and pleading and consuming. It steals whatever strength is left in my knees and I link my arms around his neck to support myself. When he finally pulls away, he leaves a trail of kisses to my nose and then my forehead before tugging me to himself again.
"I'm going to tear him apart for this," Bucky vows, and I know it shouldn't but I still let out a breath of relief at that.
"Is that why he's not dead yet?" I ask, chuckling softly. He does the same, kissing the top of my head.
"That's exactly why," Bucky agrees, pulling back and rubbing a finger along my cheek. He becomes serious again and I feel my heart flutter.
"When I found out you were gone, I lost myself." He says, his throat bobbing as he Cho's my face with his large hands, "Y/N, there is no me without you"
I turn to kiss his hand before leaning into it more.
"I'll always find my way back to you. You're all I have, James"
Another tear works down his cheek before he finally steps to the side. The gala is trashed, but the gunfire is over. Apparently, his men were here hours before anyone else got here. I feel my strength abandoning me, so I lean my weight onto Bucky. He feels this and immediately scoops me into his arms, holding me close to his chest.
"I'm going to kiss every one of these scars when we get back" His voice rumbles, and I smile as I lean my head further into him.
"Let's go home, my love"
And he held up his promise. He never left me again.
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mustainegf · 1 month
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can you do James and a girl having sex and its her first time doing anything and he teaches her how to touch herself and then they have gentle sex
I’m gonna be so honest, it’s not exactly gentle… but it’s cute I promise !!
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"Jamie, I'm scared.." I mumbled, looking the boy in the eyes. His expression softened immediately, pulling my body to his. We were both without any clothes, and this was my first time doing anything.
"I've never..."
"It's okay," he assured me, brushing his lips over mine. "This will be easy, and if you don't like it, we can stop." He said that as if it were the most normal thing to say.
"But it'll hurt?" I asked, and he nodded. "It might sting, but it won't hurt, I promise. I'll make sure of it." With those words, I was instantly calmed. It had been so long since I'd felt safe.
"Have you ever played with yourself before?" He asked softly, laying my back to his chest.
I shook my head with a slight whimper. "Oh, that's okay sweetheart, I'll show you," he kissed my temple, his hand finding mine.
Me slowly guided my hand down my stomach and my breath hitched. "So lucky, I get to be the first to make you feel good," he cooed.
James pulled my fingers in between my legs, guiding them on my throbbing clit.
I flinched at the new sensation. "Go ahead, I'm here to help," he whispered, helping me rub myself.
The feeling was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.
My chest tightened, every nerve ending in my body igniting from one simple touch. "Like this," he guided me, moving my fingers in delicate circles.
He helped me for a few minutes until I found my own rhythm. "Good girl, now close your eyes," he commanded, and I did just that. "Let your mind wander, think about what feels good," he said.
I flicked my wrist slightly, working my clit as he helped. "Can you keep doing that for me? I need to stretch you out, get you ready for me. That okay?" He asked slowly, his fingers leaving mine and trailing down to my dripping slit.
I nodded, too busy thinking about what I was touching, where he was going next. My hands moved faster on their own accord, needing more stimulation. I bit my lip as my body started to hum.
James circles his fingers around my wetness before two of his fingers slipped in.
I gasped, my eyes flying open at the intrusion, but his face was gone, only a blurry haze left in front of me. I wanted to look away, close my eyes, but I couldn't, it was too much.
I tried to move my hips away from his invading fingers, but he kept me still. "Relax, relax," he whispered into my ear. "You're doing great, just like that," he praised me.
Then he added another finger, stretching me further. I closed my eyes again, trying to focus on my own fingers, but the discomfort was too much.
"I know honey, just breathe I've gotta stretch you a bit," he hushed.
He curled his fingers, slowly pulling them in an out as I focused on my clit,
"You're doing so good for your first time, baby," James smiled, his fingers pumping into me.
I writhed as we both played with me, god his touch was way better than mine.
I squeezed my thighs together, my orgasm bursting through me, my hips bucking off the bed. "Fuck yes, that's it," he groaned, pounding into me even harder.
I came undone, tears streaming down my cheeks as my orgasm wracked my body. James held me tighter, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
After a while, I slowed down and stopped, still holding myself, shaking.
"You ready for my dick, baby?" He smirked, sitting up as I collapsed onto his bed.
I could only muster a nod. If his fingers felt that's good, I couldn't imagine how good his cock would.
I wiped the streams from my cheeks, a little embarrassed that It so good it brought me to tears.
"Don't worry about that. You are perfect, so pretty." He kissed me softly, running his hand down my arm before returning to my breasts. "Jamie, please be gentle.." I pleaded breathlessly.
"Of course, darling," James whispered, sitting himself up to hover over me.
"I promise I will take care of you, okay?" His face was right in front of mine, those gorgeous blue eyes peering at me with a soft expression. "Breathe in," he said, looking down at his cock, which was pulsing with the need to be inside me.
I swallowed hard and looked down between us, taking him in. "Now exhale, and I'm gonna push in," he ordered. I released my breath slowly, feeling his head push against me, one inch, then two, three, four. All the way until he bottomed out. The full 8 inches.
"Oh, fuck yes," he growled, holding me in place as he rocked back and forth, letting me adjust. "Holy hell you're fucking tight." He ran his hand up and down my side, brushing his thumb over my hip bone.
He continued to slowly thrust, his eyes on my face as if he were waiting for something. "Are you okay?" He asked after a few minutes. "Yeah," I managed to croak out, the tears coming back to my eyes.
I was going to need to learn to speak again. He chuckled, kissing my forehead. "Okay, good. If you tell me to stop or want to pause, I will. I'm not gonna keep going if you're uncomfortable."
I whined with a shake of my head. "No, don't stop, it's so g-good..." I forced out.
James began his thrusting, forcing me to grab his toned arms, whimpering continuously.
"Such... such a good girl," he grinned.
I was seeing stars, James effortlessly fucking into me.
"Tell me how good it feels sweetheart, do you like my dick inside of you?" He growled.
"It's so good, so good..." I moaned, lost in the haze.
I had no idea what was happening, but it was wonderful, I just wanted more.
More of this man inside of me. "That's it, tell me how you feel, tell me what you need," James coaxed.
"I need more, more, more of you," I whimpered, still holding him tightly. "Fuck yeah," he groaned, picking up speed. "God you're amazing, your pussy is so good. So tight." I bit my lip, blushing at his words.
"Look at me," he commanded, and when I did, I saw the intensity in his gaze. "Darlin', look at me," he growled, running his fingers through my hair, tilting my head up. "Please," I begged. "Please what? "
Tears were streaming down my cheeks, ever my feeling was so good, so overwhelming. I finally choked out the words. "Please... harder.."
And oh my god, he delivered. Roughly slamming into me, hitting all those places that made me scream even louder.
I knew he was going much too fast for my first time, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him, I loved it far too much.
I could feel the same knot I felt earlier, and I knew I was close to cumming.
"James! James, I'm gonna cum!" I pleaded, gripping tighter to his body as he pounded his cock into me.
"Yes, baby, yes. Cum for me, cum on my cock," he grunted. My orgasm hit me hard, squeezing his cock, milking every drop of his come from him. He let go of himself, filling me completely.
We both laid there panting, our hearts racing. He reached up and wiped away my tears. "You alright sweetheart?" I nodded, unable to get any words out yet. He chuckled, brushing my hair out of my face.
"You just about tore me in half..." I panted with a chuckle. Wondering why I hadn't had sex earlier, let alone touch myself.
I really needed to reevaluate my life. James pulled me close to his chest, kissing my head softly. "Don't worry about it. You'll learn eventually."
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AITA for indulging in my boyfriend's cuck kink?
Alright, so for some background, both me (25, M, panromantic asexual) and my BF (28, M, bisexual) live in a VERY conservative rural area, literally NOBODY knows we're together even though we've been dating for years and the community is pretty tight-knit, that's how much effort we've put into hiding ourselves. We've thought about moving out but honestly other than the constant threat of being found out our life here is pretty great, we know everyone in the community and are on very friendly terms with them, we were both born and raised here so we're honestly kinda scared of losing everything and starting over in a new place, plus I really want to stay to support my dad because I know he can already get pretty lonely as is (mom works out of town, only visits for holidays if even that, plus I don't have any other siblings to keep him company) and me moving away would hurt him a lot.
Now, with that out of the way onto the actual situation: the cuck thing is something me and my boyfriend have discussed about at length, he's not shy about it to me and I'm always glad to make him happy so I'd be open to trying it if the opportunity arose. The thing is- I never really thought there WOULD be an opportunity for it due to the circumstances described above. Well, that was until a girl we both know confessed to me on Christmas Eve. That girl- let's call her Ellie (23, F, straight(?))- is someone I've actually had feelings for a while now (my BF knows and told me he'd be fine with me dating her as an 'official' relationship, but only if I keep us a secret), however I never did anything about those feelings. I was honestly kinda shocked when the confession happened, but in a good way, and I ended up accepting in the heat of the moment, so now me and Ellie have been 'officially' dating for about a month.
Here's where I think I might be the asshole: since that happened my BF has started to hang out with the two of us while we're acting like a very lovey-dovey couple and he's obviously been getting off on that (as in, it's obvious to me, doubt anyone else picked up on it) and I've been having mixed feelings about this. On one hand we did talk about it and agree to it, but on the other I do think this is unfair to Ellie in a way that I didn't realize previously because I never realistically considered this happening. My BF is reassuring me, saying that it's best we keep hidden anyway and that so long as nobody finds out no harm is done, but I still feel kinda bad about it, yet at the same time I don't really know what I should do in this situation to make it right. The whole thing only gets even more complicated when you account for the fact that Ellie is our pastor's granddaughter and as such comes from a very well known family in our community, a family that has a reputation to uphold, and if the thing about me and my BF came out it would surely impact her badly in that way as well. On the other, she really gets along with my son (8, M) and I really think that she'd make a great mother to him so I don't want to deprive him of that and break things off just because of my own personal drama. On the other OTHER hand I also don't want to break up with my BF because it would feel cruel in my opinion, especially when I very much still love him.
So, AITA for keeping my promise and just going along with this and keeping quiet to save myself and my BF?
What are these acronyms?
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ifangirlalot · 10 months
Note
I'm back in my miles Fairchild supermency (idk if I spelled that wrong) Anyways can I request a miles Fairchild x reader smut whatever you want to do with it
˗ˏˋ 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ˎˊ˗ | starring miles fairchild
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
*~smut!*~ [𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘:] oral (male receiving), hand play (male receiving), kinky thoughts (miles' pov)
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
[Name]'s POV
While Miles and I have been together for a while now, we've yet to do anything super serious. We've gotten about as close to fucking as you can get without actually getting undressed, though. See, the thing is, I'm a little intimidated by the idea of sex. I haven't ever done it before, but Miles told me that he's done it a handful of times. (He's never specified what "a handful of times" translates to with a concrete number, but taking a look at him tells me everything I need to know, really.) And while I'm not exactly thrilled about it, I can't really say I'm surprised.
The thing is, I wouldn't know how to please him. Not just with the main course, so to speak, but also in the way of appetizers. Reading smut isn't what I'd call a reliable teaching method. That's more or less just something to read when you're horny. So, I guess that's why I'm here now. In Miles' bedroom sitting in front of him, seeing him lean against the wall (because his bed is literally just a goddamn mattress for some fuckin' reason) and tastefully unhook the front button of his jeans and pulling down his fly, like he does this everyday.
Lessons start now.
Miles' POV
I don't outwardly express it, but the way [Name] is staring at my dick like it's some sort of predator she has to conquer is rather amusing to me. My pride is telling me it's because my dick is huge, but I think more likely than not it's just because she's never actually seen one up close before. I'll probably die telling myself the first one, though.
While seeing her nervous, almost terrifed face is fucking hilarious, it's not really getting me riled up. So, while she's having her quiet nervous breakdown, I let my eyes flicker to the opening in her shirt and thinking about pressing my palm against her tits. Maybe giving them a nice, hard squeeze, getting her to cry out if I'm lucky. That does the trick and pretty soon I'm at full mast and ready to get started with teaching her.
Oh what a fun little lesson this will prove to be for me.
After some quick debate, I decide maybe hand shit is where I should start. Save the best for last. "[Name], give me your hand." I urge, not waiting for her to comply and just picking it up myself. I pull it closer to my lap and wrap her tiny fingers around my shaft.
Immediately, she grips it and I have to surpress the urge to scream. Not in pleasure, but in pain. This shit fucking hurts.
"Ow- Hey, hey- Loosen it, loosen it.. that's it.. good girl.." I sigh in relief when she complies but keeps her hand in a loose circle around me. "Okay, we're gonna try jerking me off, alright?" I tell her when the breath finally reenters my system. Could have sworn my life just flashed before my eyes from that experience.
"Oh, that's easy. I read about that, I can do it!" [Name] exclaims, almost excited to try out her knowledge from books. I'm immediately cautious. From that first moment, I'm kinda scared she's gonna break my dick off. Don't think that would be good. I kinda need that.
Turns out I was right to be cautious. One second everything's fine, the next, I've died, and my dick feels like I'm fucking a succulent vacuum. And not in a good way. "Ouch-! Fuck- [Name]-! When I said 'Jerk it off' I didn't mean jerk it off my body!" This is not going at all like how I envisioned it in my head. Like at all. This lesson is so unsexy my boner keeps leaving. I have to keep giving it a couple pip-paps just to keep it up. Which in turn is making [Name] feel bad, which is also making my boner go down. Ugh, this is a nightmare.
Finally I sigh and gently move her hand. "Okay, darling. That's not working. So, instead you're going to use your mouth." When she starts moving down, I stop her by touching her shoulder. "Now before you go down and inevitably bite my cock off, listen carefully. Don't use your teeth, make sure they're just barely grazing me. And wrap one hand around the base and hold it steady. Move it in the opposite direction of your mouth so that it meets in the middle, got it?" She nods and moves down again. I hold my breath and lean back against the wall, eyes closed, half expecting to feel a sharp pain as her teeth sink into my length. But that doesn't happen. Instead, my senses are being sweetly invaded by euphoria. Her tongue is wet and warm around my dick, and her teeth are barely even noticeable. Her hand is moving the perfect speed to contrast her mouth and it feels like heaven. A wet, warm heaven. "Oh- fuuuuck-"
The sounds coming from me are foreign to me. But she's pulling them out of me faster than I can stop them. Normally I'd be embarrassed, but right now I don't have enough time to register anything that isn't pleasure. "Fuck, fuck, don't you stop-"
And then suddenly, she's doing shit that I didn't tell her about. Her mouth pulls off my cock with a soft pop and her tongue laps around me, licking, grazing, making me twitch and buck my hips. When her tongue presses against my bright red tip, my eyes roll back in their sockets and a loud groan resonates around the room. Whatever books she's been fucking reading are definitely my favorites now. Don't know who wrote them or what they're called, but goddamn do I love those books. Then, all too soon, I'm coming and it's over. It has been about two minutes. Fuck, I feel so pissed with myself. Two minutes? Fucking seriously, Miles?
I watch her, my cheeks flaming red, while she takes her time lapping up my mess like a dog under the dinner table. "So," she asks casually, licking her fingers. "When's lesson two?"
[A Note From Zee]
I'm genuinely so sorry this took so damn long- I got caught up in other things, but I hope it was at least passable.
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thenightfolknetwork · 6 months
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Hello. I'm, um, not entirely sure how to talk about this. I hope it's okay if I misspeak. I'm a human, right, so I think that needs to be clear more than anything, but I've been very involved in the creature community for years now. I live by a great big lake and I always liked to walk down the shore late at night or early in the morning, you know, just to try and get out of my own head, and one night ages ago I accidentally tripped over someone's jacket and twisted my ankle. It was a gorgeous fur jacket, too, not like any kind of fur I'd seen in a jacket before, but just stunningly soft and thick as Hell.
Now, of course I didn't take it, that'd be awful, but also I had just hurt myself in kind of a nasty way and so it wasn't like I had anything else to do but sit by the shore next to the jacket and waited, and yeah, a few hours later one of the lake seals popped its head out of the water, looked at me for a good long while, and then...well, I mean, you know how the rest of the story goes, I'm sure.
Anyway, it's been a few years now and I've become really close to this family. I didn't really know anyone in my town before meeting them and I'm not on speaking terms with my own folks, so in a lot of ways these people have become my family, and it's an honor that they trust me to keep guard of their cloaks and such when they go out. But I've got this problem, right, and it's just...over the years it's felt less and less like I fit in with other humans. All my friends are nightfolk now, my family hates me even more because they're bigots--in this night and age, can you fucking believe it--and it's just like every night I get further and further away from the shore.
I'm just scared because...I don't *want* to stop drifting away. I've had dreams of joining them down there in the lake, practically every night for months on end. I've tried doing research into methods of joining the community but I don't want to become a vampire, I don't fancy any lunar-aligned nonsense, nothing has felt right except selkies, but I can't decide if I'm just self aware enough that I need a push from an outside viewer to try and accept something I already know full well...or if no, actually, that little voice in my stupid head that won't go away that keeps calling me a fraud, an invader, an appropriator--what if the reason it's not going away is because it's right and I really don't belong?
Just...please be honest with me. Am I a complete asshole for spending hours every day trying not to just outright beg my family--sorry, chosen family--to help me sew myself a cloak, or is there something to this?
First of all, reader, please rest assured. As long as you are speaking from a place of kindness and a willingness to learn, you don't need to worry about using all the correct terminology. I always try to listen generously when people come to me in need, and I encourage our followers to do the same.
Unfortunately I can well believe that bigots like your biological relatives still exist. I'm glad you've been able to extract yourself from their hateful society, and have found comfort, support and kinship among the nightfolk.
You say there is a little voice in your head calling you a fraud, casting doubt on the validity of your feelings. As much as you might want to push it away and stop your ears, I want you to listen to that voice, just for a little while. Pay attention to the language it uses and what ideas it seems to have about the world.
And then ask yourself: is this my voice? Does that sound like me? Or does this sound like a last, desperate, wriggling remnant of the people I've worked so hard to distance myself from?
Every one of us is raised with a narrative, a story about the world and our place in it, and how we should treat the people around us. We're told that story by our parents, by our teachers and schoolmates, by television and books and a million other sources. The story is so vast and so all-encompassing, it takes an enormous effort to be able to see any single part of it clearly.
Imagine, then, how hard we have to work to realise some of that story is untrue, or harmful, fed by hatred and fear. To start untangling ourselves from the rotting, strangling roots of the story we've known all our lives, and start planting something new and fresh and honest.
It sounds to me like this little voice is one of those lingering strands of the story you were raised with – one where liminality is nothing to admire or strive for, and where you cannot be trusted to know your own mind, and your own needs. It's time to tell yourself a better story.
You've found people who honour you with their trust and who make you feel supported and loved, as you deserve. You admire them, and want to be like them. None of this sounds “stupid” to me.
This is not a decision to be taken lightly. By all means, take your time, and talk your feelings through with your family. But I think you already know what story you want for yourself, reader – and for what it's worth, I think the world will be better for its telling.
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witchersoldier · 6 months
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Good Fucking Girl
rafe cameron x reader
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SUMMARY: you find yourself inside the globe of death with none other than Rafe Cameron.
WARNINGS: mentions of drug use I guess, cursing, suggestive themes, a little dark I think but not really, cringe and rushed writing, not proofread. English is not my mother tongue.
WORD COUNT: 1.0k
AUTHORS NOTE: once again posting just after just finishing it. I never double read my work, or else I'd never post anything bc I'd probably hate delete it and never write again.
It was supposed to be a simple kook party, well, as simple as those went. But now I found myself inside a large metal globe, curiosity, and a bit of a haze from the pot brownie I had few minutes ago, led the way. A crowd slowly started to form outside the cage, faces I didn’t recognize were filled with excitement.
“Great, the substitute’s already here. Cameron, you’re in now.” The guy just beside the globe door spoke. Before I could say anything back, engine revving filled my ears and a sudden rush of adrenaline took over me. Globe of Death, that’s what this was. How come I didn’t recognize it sooner? They thought I was some kind of substitute, but for what? I had no bike nor was I dressed as a stunt rider.
Faster than my eyes could register, a red bike pulled up beside me inside the globe. He wasn’t showing any skin, yet he looked so damn delicious. Those black and red leathers clung around his larger body, the helmet with dark visors gave him such a mysterious look. He just stood there, tall and confident, making me feel smaller and fragile.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” he spat at me, voice muffled. His hand flew to his visors pulling them up, revealing his ocean blue eyes. There was a hint of worry and anger, the latter was clearly not directed at me. I was stuck in place, trying to put together the pieces, his eyes and voice all too familiar. “Rafe?” my heart started racing, beating against my chest, so loud.
Fate was always bringing me to him, in the most unusual ways. Now this?
“Y/N get out of here now; you could get seriously hurt.” He looked down at me, commanding me to leave. Part of me felt scared and wanted to leave and obey him right now, but the need to defy him spoke so much louder inside of me. I didn’t have to prove him anything, but every time the Cameron boy was around me, I felt the undying urge to test his patience. Also, I could never let him see the power he has over me. “I’ll do what I please. And right now, I really feel like staying.” I raised my chin, looking deep into his eyes. Challenging him.
He only clenched his fist over his lap and chock his head, as if trying to get rid of his thoughts. Then again, strangely calm, he looked at me. “Fine. You want to do this? You got it. But if I see even one little hint of fear in you-” he didn’t finish his sentence, leaving it to my imagination. It was what he didn’t say that hit something deep inside of me, it made me feel hotness all over my body.
Rafe abruptly grabbed my wrists and put my arms above my head, making my red crop top ride up until it was barely covering my breasts. “Be a good girl for me and keep your arms up just like that, will ya?” Rafe’s voice was low as he gave me the order, his hand that was holding my arms up slowly traced down my body, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. When he reached the hem of my black skater skirt, he gave a barely-there squeeze and quickly put down his helmet visors. He revved his engine again, the vibration traveling through my body.
The crowd outside the cage was screaming, cheering. My friends probably somewhere looking at me, wondering ‘what the hell’s gotten into me’. The answer was right here inside the globe with me. Rafe Cameron. He’s got the talent of always getting under my skin, making me feel things no one else ever could, making me do things I normally wouldn’t, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, fight against it. That’s just the Rafe Cameron effect; he brings out parts of me that have always been there, just never stimulated enough.
And then the show began. Rafe started to make circles around me in his bike, going so fast I could barely make out his silhouette. The fear I felt before vanished so fast, in its place a feeling I didn’t think would make its way into this situation; arousal.
Rafe’s gloved hand touched the exposed skin on my waist, and he dragged it along as he kept circling around on his bike. My whole body felt like it was on fire, burning so hot, and the blood rushed to my core making me throb and clench around nothing, my body was betraying my mind. I wouldn’t be able to confront, deny Rafe after this, I’ll just be putty in his hands.
I don’t know if it was seconds, minutes or hours that passed by since he started touching me, but as soon as his hands left it was like the ground beneath my feet was disappearing too. I looked up to see Rafe taking of his helmet, still riding his bike around. His bangs hanging loosely on his forehead. He looked so heavenly right now, and I understood then when people said ‘looks can be deceiving’. No matter how angelic he’s looking now, Rafe Cameron’s the devil walking on Earth.
He handed his helmet for me to hold while he gave the final laps, and I held onto it like it was the only thing keeping me alive. At the moment, that’s what it felt like.
I only noticed the show was done when Rafe’s now bare hand touched my ass under my skirt. I couldn’t even fight it, his touch felt so fucking right, even with all those prying eyes around. If I was honest, the people watching us exchanging touches only made my body burn hotter.
His free hand came up to my jaw, forcing me to look into his eyes. Dilated pupils gave him away. He was just as turned on as me. I forced my head down to glance at his trousers; they looked so much tighter than before and made me think of how much I wanted to just sit on his lap and grind against him, right here and now.
Rafe forced my head back up, his face coming closer to mine. His lips were mere inches away from touching mine. He breathed out a low moan that sent shivers down my spine. His lips softly touched mine, just a ghost of a kiss, and he whispered to me approvingly, “Good fucking girl”.
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