#like god knows we’re already way too conditioned to want a romantic relationship by society as is. now you’re saying you gotta?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lassieposting · 3 years

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Bit late and random but it's the anon you leave food out for here to give away I am also bi and I think exactly the same as you about bi val pretty much, every time Derek offers me representation my reaction is to slowly, hesitantly take it and say "thaaaaaaaaanks..." while rolling my eyes, in much the same way one accepts their least favourite flavour of sweet from an annoyingly enthusiastic uncle-type-individual. Ironically I feel I had more in common with her before the bi shit started up.

What I find really amusing is that Landy actually did reasonably well at representation when (and only when) he wasn’t trying.

Oh god, this got long, anon, my ass rambled.

tldr; I'm glad actual bi people dislike bi val (or how Laundry handled bi val) as much as me, this will probably offend at least one person but i don't really care, Dirty Laundry wrote better rep when he didn't mean to write rep at all, and if he ever starts trying to "represent" groups I'm part of I'll take him out back like a dying horse and shoot him.

Like, yes. He had stupid and potentially offensive shit - I say potentially because what offends one member of a group won’t necessarily offend all of them. His attitude to mentally ill people is, frankly, disgusting. We’ve had “Skulduggery can’t be abused, he doesn’t have feelings”. We’ve had “eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY”. We had Ping, who seemed to be pretty much universally offensive. And that's what's always going to happen when a straight, cis, white, wealthy, male author tries to write marginalised groups he doesn't know shit about, because inevitably he's going to fall back on stereotypes.

But we also had:

SEXUALITY REP: Phase One's nonstraight characters were treated like the straight ones, and like, isn't that the whole point? There was no need for a massive Coming Out Story TM to grab for those sweet sweet Woke Points, because sexuality isn't supposed to be important to mages. I never understood why Val needed that whole Coming Out Panic storyline. Like...Des and Melissa are ridiculously supportive, encouraging, loving parents. They accepted you dating a ~19 year old when you were ~16. They accepted you revealing you could do fucking magic and that you'd been lying to them for like seven years. They took your undead buddy in stride and the most pressing question your dad had was whether magic toilets exist. There is zero reason to think that "I'm bisexual" is gonna be the thing that makes them flip and throw you into the streets in disgrace, Valkyrie. Come on.

Tanith had girlfriends and it was just mentioned casually, because it's normal.

China had massive UST with Eliza. That was an opportunity right there to not only include a f/f relationship, but also to bring back one of the few precious surviving characters from Phase One, using characters and a relationship that already had several books' worth of setup and tension and interest from fans.

The Monster Hunters have a casual conversation about which one of the Dead Men they'd date.

Ghastly has a conversation with Fletcher about the pain he's been through being in love. He never uses any pronouns.

It was confirmed at one point re: the Dead Men that at this point, after 300-odd years, everyone's been with everyone else at some point.

Thrasher is gay, and while Scapegrace's...everything...is treated as a joke/comedic relief, Thrasher's love for him isn't. He's completely devoted to Scapegrace, and that in itself is not played for laughs, even though the rest of the scene usually is. Thrasher's description of their first meeting is essentially a love-at-first-sight situation for him.

"ABNORMAL" RELATIONSHIP REP: Age gap relationships are normal for mages. Off the top of my head, using only canon, canon-implied or almost-canon ships:

Ghastly/Tanith (~350 year age difference)

Tanith/Sanguine (~250+ year age difference)

Tanith/Saracen (~350 year age difference)

Caisson/Solace (~250 year age difference)

China/Gordon (~400 year age difference)

Kierre/Temper (~500+ year age difference)

If you include fan ships, there's also things like Mevolent/Serpine or my Mevolent/Vile, which are both ~600 year minimum age gaps based on the timeline, or Valdug (and its variations) which is ~400 years.

Now, whether you consider this kind of rep positive or negative is up to you, but it’s there.

MENTAL ILLNESS REP: more like "Which characters in this series don't have a mental illness or a personality disorder?" I have some of these issues, but not all of them, so this is just how I read it, but:

ADHD: Skulduggery

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Skulduggery & Vile

Dissociation: Skulduggery again, most notably in DD and DB

Schizophrenia (or similar): Valkyrie & Darquesse, Valkyrie "seeing" Darquesse's ghost thing in Phase Two

Impostor Syndrome: Reflectionie

Autism: Clarabelle

Trauma/PTSD/CPTSD: Skulduggery, Valkyrie, China, Ghastly, Erskine...pretty much everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. People struggling with trauma are spoilt for choice of characters to see themselves in.

TRAUMA REP: This series is a trauma conga line, but everyone has a believable, understandable, morally grey trauma response in this series. I see little bits of myself in more than one Phase One character.

Childhood Abuse (of varying degrees & types): Skulduggery, Carol & Crystal, Omen, Fletcher, Ghastly, China, Bliss, Sanguine...

Estranged Family: Skulduggery abandoning his crest, Fergus & Gordon, China & Bliss

Bad Romantic Relationship: Skulduggery is also very clearly an abuse victim. He’s got a solid history of romantic attachments to women who manipulate, use and gaslight him for their own agendas. There's a whole paragraph in SPX about how Abyssinia broke him down, isolated him from his friends and preyed on his desperate need to be loved, all classic abuse tactics.

And I’m personally a huge fan of this backstory for two reasons:

1) Society likes a plucky victim in media. The "My suffering made me stronger" type of victim. And it's not always like that in real life. Not all survivors come out of their abuse stronger or kinder or more understanding. Some of us come out cold and fucked up. Some of us end up as emotionally stunted, bloodied-nails-and-bared-teeth survivors, broken in ways that can't be fixed and sustained by enough rage to power a small sun. But society doesn't like to tell the story of that kind of survivor, because we're not usually a likeable protagonist. When we're shown in media, we're usually the sympathetic villain, or maybe the antihero. But Skug is someone who's done awful things and lost pretty much all his faith in humanity and been burned more times than he can count, and he still makes the conscious choice to try and be the good guy when he could so easily go Evil Supervillain on the world, and I don't know about any of y'all, but I've modelled myself on him in that. I've made the choice to do something good when all I really want to do is just become a horrible, shrivelled ball of nastiness and revenge. And that's because I saw him do it and realised that I could do that too.

Skug is an incredibly capable, strong, masculine Man's Man. He gets in fights all the time, and he usually wins. He's military, an industry that's Really Bad for stigmatizing weakness and mental illness, and he's right up at the top of the hierarchy. Almost everyone is afraid of him. He's a straight up cold-blooded killer. Skulduggery Pleasant is precisely the type of person who's not normally portrayed as a victim of anything. Nothing about him screams "victim" at all. But his abuse history is insidious. He's so conditioned to respond in a certain way to abuse from the women in his life, probably from a very young age, that despite all that strength and capability and stubbornness and ego, he just goes along with it. And it's an established pattern going back hundreds of years. He keeps going back to China, even though he knows she's bad for him and his friends keep telling him to stay away from her. Abyssinia latched onto him when he was traumatized and vulnerable and weaponized it against him to make him easier to control - and when she reappears, hundreds of years later, she jumps straight back into using, tmanipulating and gaslighting him and not only does he let her, he doesn't even seem to realise that behaviour is abusive. He thinks it's normal! That's how he's always been treated by his long-term girlfriends, with the notable exception of Wifey. Even when Val is being fucking nasty to him in the first couple books of Phase Two, sniping and lying and blaming him for everything under the sun, he just takes it. There's no attempt to tell her she's being unreasonable, no telling her to fuck right off and give her head a wobble, no defending himself even when she's bitching over something that isn't even his doing. And this is a man who has an absolutely gleaming steel spine the rest of the time; Skug has no problem saying no to anybody else, but he can't get past the way he's been taught to treat the important ladies in his life. Skug is a walking reminder that anyone can be a victim of abuse, even the ones who seem least likely to be susceptible.

GENDER REP: This one is the most iffy out of the bunch and definitely was not done very well in the eyes of the people who matter most, but I'll include it anyway because it mattered to some.

So there's Nye, who's...agender? Genderless? And uses "it" pronouns? Nye was generally considered horrible rep because it's also a war criminal and experiments on people and I've seen people say "Well I don't want to be seen like that" but? It's still possible to be a war criminal and also genderless. I never saw the two things as being related or relevant to each other.

There's also Mantis, who's in exactly the same gender/pronouns boat as Nye and always seems to be forgotten about, which sucks because Mantis is a war hero. It fought for the Sanctuary during the War and they never lost a battle when it was in command. It's called out of retirement to fight for the Supreme Council in LSODM, ends up fighting alongside Skulduggery during the Battle of Roarhaven, and ultimately dies attempting a very brave, very risky strategy. Mantis is, unreservedly, one of the good guys. It was also my introduction to sentient beings using "it" pronouns, and did it in a way that felt natural, so when I met my first person online who used "it" pronouns and hated to be referred to as he/she, it was...weird, but not as weird as it would otherwise have been, because I was like, "Oh yeah, like the Crenga. Okay."

And then there's the Scapegrace sex change plotline, which...I might have an unpopular opinion on this one. From what I’ve seen, trans people don’t seem to think was handled well or with any sensitivity at all. I’m not trans, so if the trans community says he was being offensive to them, I’m not going to claim otherwise. But...I first read the Scapegrace plotline as a young teenager in a tiny rural school with zero diversity, going through a period of being deeply confused about my own gender identity. He was more or less my first introduction to the idea that genitals =/= gender. I was relieved, at that point in my life, to read someone having a lot of the same thoughts I was having about being in the wrong body. So while it may have been badly done and yeah, the series would probably have been better without it, it did make at least one kid suspecting she might not be cis go “Huh! So there are other people who feel like this.”

Thrasher is also implied to be legitimately trans/gender-questioning, and that's not played for laughs either.

So? Phase One, while it absolutely had faults and issues and things that were just "Oh god why", was actually full of rep, at least compared to the other series that I read as a child/teen. But? As soon as Dirty Laundry started trying to be woke? He fucking sucks ass at it. Aside from confirming Phase One's hints that Skug has a background of abusive relationships, every single attempt at shoehorning rep into Phase Two is Bad.

The painfully OOC, forced, badly-written awkwardness of Val suddenly being rabidly horny for women out of fucking nowhere. The stilted, forced cringiness between her and any of the women she's flirted with - contrast that with Sorrowscorn's interactions, full of natural chemistry that had us all like 👀 I mean, I never shipped Val/Melancholia, but I could always see why people did - they had miles more chemistry than Val/anyone in Phase Two.

The fucking mess that is v*litsa, because if someone says "I'm really not interested in friendships/relationships right now", clearly the route to true love is to bulldoze their boundaries and forcibly insert yourself into their life and proceed to treat them like a delicate soft uwu flower, completely ignoring the horrible things they've done, while gleefully damning their best friend as an irredeemable monster for the exact same things, which is. You know. Gonna affect your so-called love's self-confidence and self-esteem because she knows she's no different to him. Y'all know I love an angsty ship, an unhealthy ship, a ship with fucked power dynamics, but I literally cannot roll my eyes any further back in my head at this shit. I never read Demon Road, but from what I've heard from friends who did, it does seem like every time Laundry tries to write an f/f ship, he comes up with a cringey abusive/manipulative caricature and tries to call it rep, and he needs to Stop.

Val's Mental IllnessTM arc. It's funny how he wrote Skulduggery as a wonderfully complex character with deep-rooted psychological damage and long-lasting trauma, but believes he wrote a character with "no feelings" - but when he tries to delve into the damage the world of magic has done to Val, he turned her into a weak, whiny drug addict who treats everyone around her like garbage and is so selfish and dislikeable that I? Honestly can't even reconcile Phase Two val with Phase One val. They're two completely different people. He's shown on Twitter that he doesn't have any respect for mentally ill people, and it shows. Other mentally ill people might see it differently, but the whole thing just makes me go "yikes".

Never, who has no personality outside of being genderfluid, and whose pronouns make no sense. I'm sorry, I have never met an nb person who insists that you change from male to female pronouns multiple times in a sentence, every time you refer to them. It's confusing as fuck. Now I have been told that Never has apparently received some character development in the last couple books, and if so, fair play, but I quit reading after Midnight, and Never and the rest of the personality-less new characters introduced in Phase Two who just seemed to be 2D Stereotypes to snag Woke Points were a big part of why, so. Development too late, I'm afraid.

(Now, if anyone is looking for a well-written genderfluid character, I recommend the Tawny Man trilogy by Robin Hobb. I have a lot of issues with her as a writer, and unfortunately I hate her POV character which puts me off the series as a whole, but she wrote the Fool/Amber/Lord Golden and their gender identity/approach to sexuality with so much more respect and realism. That is the kind of rep nb people should be getting: 3D, complex, realistic characters whose gender is only a tiny fragment of their personality, not the be-all-and-end-all of their existence. You know. Like cis people get. Nobody wants to be represented by a 2D cardboard cutout stereotype.)

Anyway idk how much sense this makes it just really amuses me that Laundry would include all this rep completely unintentionally and then go on Twitter and remind us all that actually he's a massive asshole via insensitive/offensive tweets about the groups he'd actually done a fair job of including (i.e. Skulduggery has no feelings, mentally ill people should find another series to read, the bullshit about Val being "heteromantic bisexual" on Twitter and then spouting all the "the woman she loved uwu" shit in the books (proving he has no idea what he's talking about), eVeRyOnE iS bI eVeNtUaLlY. He can only write half-decent rep when he's not trying and he inevitably outs himself as having a really shitty attitude towards those people anyway, proving that ultimately it's all either unintentional rep or performative wokeness.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp meta #derek landy hate blog #Anon #fire message #anti valitsa #anti val #anti phase two tbh #phase two fans will not enjoy this post

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

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100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Maybe just a little bit

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I mourn for the college experience I didn’t quite manage to have, and for the utopian life from the end of The Good Place that is impossible to get in real life

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? Hopefully

Do you place any value in gender roles? Anyone can do whatever they want but I do associate some things with gender

Do you have to be related to be family? I don’t consider non-relatives my family

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I have always put a lot of weight on romantic relationships

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Not quite but I want to be

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I can put it into categories

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? Yes, probably Captain and Candy Cane

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yes, but not surgically

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I feel like I could have had a different life experience if I was born a decade or two sooner

Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I wish I did, there are definitely things I want a second chance at

Would you want to be reincarnated? Yes

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I would like to be special but probably not

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes, they are interesting and can often lead to real-life scenarios

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was a kid. I still like to make up characters but I don’t consider them imaginary friends

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious, and I think it is most likely that there is no god or spiritual force

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I don’t really wish I were but sometimes I can understand the desire to believe your life will have a guaranteed happy ending

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I’m not sure where exactly like turns into love, and I have never experienced being in love in a relationship

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? It would have to be about more than just convenience

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I have not really questioned it much. I am a cis girl and I am happy being a girl, but I think if I were born a boy I would probably be happy being a boy too. I am mostly straight but maybe just a little bit bi, although I don’t think I would have romantic feelings for a girl

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? Not too fluid but idk

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably where to go to college

Are you afraid of growing old? Yes

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I think I would get tired and lonely living forever, but a few centuries would give me enough time to try things

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Lately I’ve been fearing dying of covid, but hopefully not

Do you believe in star signs? No

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Legally 18, socially probably like 30

Was your childhood happy? I think so

What are you missing from your life? A passion

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Not any more so than regular friends

Do opposites attract? Not really

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No, even if you take out the pandemic I still thought I would be doing something interesting with my career

Do you know what you want out of life? No

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I guess if they help people? I would not necessarily say I am a very good person but I think I am more good than bad

What fundamentally matters do you? Love and fun

Is freewill an illusion? Not spiritually, but maybe capitalistically

Do you create art? How do you define art? I make jewelry and other crafts, and videos. Art is stuff that is there to be entertaining or beautiful, rather than just utilitarian

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I rarely lie and I usually disapprove of lying but in some cases it can be ok

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? Something I create

Is true world peace ever possible? Idk. Not looking like it

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Who the fuck knows. Everyone experiences things differently, even if you suffer the same thing

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I am legally free but not free of capitalism

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Someone with a sense of humor who is easy to talk to, and romantic for a partner

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? No idea

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I’m sure I have abosrbed some

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? Idk maybe still supporting Harry Potter even though I don’t agree with JK Rowling’s anti-trans beliefs

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Probably

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s kinda cool but I don’t understand how it works

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes but it’s not a bad thing

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? I doubt it

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows, I barely even listen to this era

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Masks will be incorporated into it

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? It’s hard to say

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No, and I probably wouldn’t

How confident are you, really? Not very

How consistent is your perception of time? Not very

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? 18 is probably a good age, I think it’s hard to make an informed decision as a kid. I know I would either want whoever my parents wanted or whoever was more attractive

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Probably not a good idea in general

What’s the worse thing a person can be? A murderer

How do you feel about monogamy? I would like to have it

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Probably

What’s the tragedy of your life? Losing all my potential

Would your life make a good play? No it would be hella boring

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? I feel some loyalty I guess because it’s home, but I would not fight

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? I believe in equal opportunities but not forcing people to act a certain way

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? I think as a society we need to take care of people and probably set up government resources to do so, but the specific people who do that should be the ones who feel fulfilled by it

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Yes

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Idk

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so but knowing me, probably not

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? Music that conveys my emotions

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Most of the time I just shuffle it but I do have some playlists

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Probably not

Are you a deep person? Eh

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? Not unless there was already an established society on mars with opportunities for entertainment and community interaction

Are you who people think you are? Not really. I think I am more extroverted than people think (even though I’m really an ambivert), and a lot of people think I should do sales or customer service which I hate even though I’m ok at them

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I might be happier if I was a boy, but only if I was an outgoing boy. And I might be happier if I was in one of those happier-on-average countries

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? My toxic traits are stubbornnes, procrastination, and lack of motivation, which are by nature extremely hard to work on

Do you anger easily? Maybe a little but I also let go of it easily

Are you a jealous person? Yes

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? I assume not

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Maybe

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? No. I hate Mitch McConnell

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I only speak a little french and italian, I am not fluent. I dream in English. I might want to learn Gaelic

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Sometimes I draw meaning

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Probably desperately lol

Is unrequited love real love? I think so

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Idk

Are you overly analytical? Yes

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Occasionally

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, but I wish it was real

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? That I’ll end up with an interesting or exceptional life. Idk if I firmly believe it but I would like to believe it, because the alternative is depressing

#survey

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serendipitous-magic · 4 years

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Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen?

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city?

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc.

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be?

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be?

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books?

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

Oh yeah. I have trouble sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person?

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you?

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.)

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for?

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food?

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil?

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign?

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy?

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention.

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read?

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them?

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of?

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent?

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground?

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star?

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children?

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now?

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual.

41. Where do you feel the safest?

When I’m alone and unobserved.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji?

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word.

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw?

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched?

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning.

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

#about me #tag game #except as usual i'm not gonna tag people because I don't have to social energy to ask people to do things #sorry i know that's kind of cheating #if you wanna overshare just say I tagged you lol #personal #tmi

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vsag23 · 5 years

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Venus in Scorpio. Mars in Libra.

Are these two planets in “detriment?”

What do you mean “detriment?”

Misusing their power, weakening their energies through negativity, trying to be who they are not?

Us modern folk hate this kind of psychologically invasive vocabulary. But Planets—teachers of soul lessons—do best offering certain courses, and not others, where the message just isn’t getting through. Rather than Scorpionic paranoia, shadow-processing, and control, the goddess Venus would rather be a harmonious diplomat, a pleasant partner in love with both her senses and her beloved. And rather than throwing his energy into a million relationships and uncertain directions in choosing not your own adventure, but everyone else’s distracted, parallel universe plotlines, Warrior Mars would be on his own quest, doing his thing rising to the top of society or riding the wild and primal machine of his beast wherever it lead.

Even though the God and Goddess are in ‘detriment’ during this Saturday’s New Moon at 26 Scorpio, whose sabian symbol speaks to the dangerous, but voluptuous potential between the Masculine, the Feminine, and the 50 Shades of Grey between: A MILITARY BAND MARCHES NOISILY ON THROUGH THE CITY STREETS

Enraptured, what clamor will you use now to reveal and ravage your soul contracts?

God Mars occupies Goddess Venus’ sign of rulership Libra, and Venus travels Mars’ sign of rulership, Scorpio. We call this unique alignment “mutual reception,” and it means the planets reinforce each other and blend their themes together, sharing a common goal, a unified purpose, which seem to be question gender, identity, and the medicine weapon we call sexuality.

Will the God and Goddess rescue each other now, or will they sabotage attempts at transcending duality, or will they collapses together as they make love, only to rise and grind again into that greater understanding?

Mars in Libra: Why didn’t you text me back? I mean especially after the way you kissed me – that wasn’t a surface, ‘let me get to know you’ kiss, that was a kiss you wished you would have said yes to in another lifetime, in hindsight, end of life review, because a different life, a deeper love, a meaning, would have erupted into being.

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t have to be so dramatic.

Mars in Libra: Dramatic?!! I prefer being romantic, but you love that sort of underworld drama queen thing, creating stories about me before you even think to ask a question, I’m a make-believe-image inside your projection. And How many Arrows have you unleashed into my breath – what I “should have our could have been?”

Venus in Scorpio: How many Hooks have you used to shape me into your manipulation? I can’t just wear some mask of happy-go-lucky couple when we’re working shit out!

Mars in Libra: And what about all those Suckers you used to feed off me?! You’ve grown in so much influence and power because of connecting with my friends!

Venus in Scorpio: You’re right, I have. I forget to express my gratitude for that.

Mars in Libra: Because you’re so busy being suspicious. We can’t even go out and have a chill time because there’s always some hidden layer, some crime investigation you have to make into your mission.

Venus in Scorpio: Look, you wanted the open relationship. I did not sign up for that.

Mars in Libra: You did. You wanted us to do the handfasting for 6 months, even though you knew you wanted a monogamous relationship, and I wanted freedom to appreciate whatever love blossomed in my presence.

Venus in Scorpio: You handfasted because you wanted to make promises you ‘thought’ you could keep, and I handfasted because I let you sleep in my bed. Again. And Again.

Mars in Libra: Between your legs

Venus in Scorpio: Into my head.

Mars in Libra: We’re talking about the Heart here.

Venus in Scorpio: We’re talking about why it’s ok for you to have so many lovers, and how, somehow, that does not take away from the depth of our connection, and our possibilities to really make some impact in the world together. We’re so much stronger together than on our own, but then you’re flirting over here, or on this trip over there, and making this excuse over there, but as long as it all ‘looks good,’ to everyone, then that’s enough.

Mars in Libra: I’m really attracted to the genius and beauty of many different people.

Venus in Scorpio: That sounds nice. Can’t you just make a decision, about anything, like choosing to be just with me?

Mars in Libra: I’m choosing to be in this conversation, although I feel like you’re setting a trap for me.

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t have to get upset.

Mars in Libra: “I’m not getting upset! I’m trying to keep the peace around here! Why do we have to process everything all the time? Can’t we just have fun and enjoy sharing our companionship without so much drama?

Venus in Scorpio: I’m feeling harassed. I told you when Jupiter was in Scorpio, all these ego-inflated jerks in politics and Hollywood, like Harvey Weinstein, were going to be exposed, all the skeletons come out of the closet. There’s no more hiding and no more shame now. And I’m also going to stand up for my rights as a woman!

Mars in Libra: Yeah, but you don’t know what’s like to be constantly intimidated by every woman I approach

Venus in Scorpio: You don’t know what it’s like growing up being a woman? All the ways we have to hide our beauty to prevent attention we don’t want, while every media bombards us with more ways to look younger and sexier and ‘get the guy.’ Try traveling as a single woman in India and see what it feels like to be prey in the eyes of another. Try to be a female athlete in a man’s sport, or CFO in a world of corporate suits who make you feel like any slight mistake you make will be scrutinized by microscope and threaten any position of power you may have thought you had.

Mars in Libra: I really hear you. Don’t you feel that I support you?

Venus in Scorpio: You can’t just strip down the soul to all its naked vulnerability with everyone. I feel like you’re afraid, so I can’t trust, but you wanted to rush. Didn’t we talk about being twin flames, didn’t you say I was “the One?”

Mars in Libra: Maybe it’s just a quicksand dance to speak of ‘twin flames?’ There’s so much expectation in that.

Venus in Scorpio: Is every label a limitation or does it give us a structure to build our foundation?

Mars in Libra: I feel I’m supposed to be some version of “masculinity” that makes you feel so ‘feminine,’ when you don’t even know what that means. I’m not ‘macho enough,’ or muscular enough, or protective/providing enough? You can’t say you want all these things and then you want some gender equality. Why don’t you protect me, curl me into your womb, your bedtime spoon? Gender and sexual preference are both so hyper-conditioned growing up, from the clothes were given in the crib to the toys under the Christmas Tree to the sports we are or are not pushed to play. I’m sick of just being the product of my parent’s and my society’s conditioning. Couldn’t we just give our kids all the options without pushing our own agendas and our dystopian dreams?

Venus in Scorpio: I know. I’ve often thought that the most intense transformation we could have on this planet is to reinstate sexual rites of passage, like so many indigenous cultures have. Most of our screwed up relationship dynamics are because we get almost zero education on how to love and how to make love.

Mars in Libra: And our first sexual experiences are drunk or under pressure to be liked, and they lack any sacredness or real intentional heart-connection. The only education we get is about STD’s and its all fear based.

Mars in Libra: Could it be that: sexual harassment and predatory behavior comes form a lack of integration of one’s masculine and feminine….being able to experience the balance of that…so an Image an Ideal is projected outside of oneself, and then behavior towards that becomes distorted, becuz it’s the unprocessed feminine, the aenima in the man, or the unintegrated masculine in the woman, the aenima?

Venus in Scorpio: I wonder how much of this harassment of women would stop if more men would just allow themselves to be penetrated.

Mars in Libra: You mean….physically, down there…?

Venus in Scorpio: Of course. All men need a spicy dose of Kali right up their ass about now. Why haven’t we done that yet? You say you’re so open, but what are you afraid of? Didn’t you once tell me you gotta lose control to find freedom? Does it mean you’re gay if you like anal sex? No, it means you like a particular sensual experience.

Mars in Libra: I get what you’re saying. I mean the problem with Gender, Sexuality, all of it is that every label we put on it limits our freedom to just experience. It’s why I always hated the term “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” so loaded with 6 trillion different meanings. Just be what we are, and if there’s someone else in the mix, then we better learn how to communicate transparently what our agreements are, and to be direct with our desires and our boundaries.

Venus in Scorpio: Easier said than done. It’s more complex when you start sharing resources with another, whether that’s finances, home, or bodily fluids.

Mars in Libra: I’m not co-dependent. I’m interdependent.

Venus in Scorpio: Yes, right. But I do often wonder about 20 years, 50 years from now…Will we look back at the Binary of Gender as a kind of dinosaur experience? A remnant of 20th century humans that lingered far too long into the 21st century?

Mars in Libra: I mean with wild revolutionary, surprise surprise innovative mad scientist Uranus in Taurus for the next 8 years, we’ll live so virtually that we can ‘wear’ whatever kind of body we want…including the opposite sex, both sexes, new hybrid sexes, animal bodies, mythical creatures….and we’ll be able to have these simulated lovemaking experiences through Virtual Reality – these already exist.

Venus in Scorpio: Mars, let’s stop all this process. Shut up and Kiss me

Mars in Libra: What took you so long, goddess? Just let me in. All the way. In.

source: https://findyourpowerplaces.com

#Mars in Libra #venus in scorpio

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vamprefaggot · 7 years

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leah i told you i’d write it ily

@floristphill its kinda shit and i got sidetracked + didn’t outline but fuck that have a three page essay, single spaced, absolutely not standard format, but oH WELL i love yooou

Love: a concept so dearly held in our society, but what is it really? Love is defined as an “intense feeling of deep attraction; a feeling of strong or constant affection towards a person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.” Combine this with media portrayals of love, and how it seems to act as a ‘cure-all’ for mental illness and personal struggle, and you have a clear view of what we as a society think love is. But is love really all that? Mental illness isn’t gone at the drop of a heart covered hat, but the support certainly does wonders. Going back to the six grecian types of love, and why they make much more sense than the one type of love recognized fully in the media today, we see how it’s evolved over the times. Considering this, we’ll also cover the portrayals of ‘love at first sight’, why that doesn’t work, and why Leah deserves all the love with or without a paper written about it.

Love is portrayed in the media as the all encompassing goal in life, why we exist, and what makes everything better. This, of course, is complete and utter bullshit. Not only is it toxic when we look at how the media conditions us with the thought that there’s ‘one true love’ for us(I’ll go into how that ties into abuse culture later), but it also fucks with the aromantic spectrum of people. Going into how it’s toxic, not only because it helps trap people in abusive relationships, the idea of ‘one true love’ makes all the other important people in your life seem less vital for your own personal growth. It also erases poly relationships, which are just as wonderful and important as the beloved cishet couple. Aromantic people, or people on the aromantic spectrum(including myself, a demiromantic), can feel invalidated or broken because they don’t get those so-called fireworks and butterflies. It can be hella hard trying to figure out why everyone is talking about their crush and how wonderful it is to be in love, but to not know what in God’s name they’re talking about. A personal experience of mine- a few years back, my friend commented on how “He[a fellow student] brushed up against me on the stairs, and my[said friends’] panties were soaked.” That certainly alarmed me, because I personally thought I had a crush on a boy at my school, but I hadn’t the faintest idea why she’d be aroused simply by that. Aside from making me feel very, very uncomfortable, she started me on the absolutely ‘’wonderful’’ train of questioning myself. Because at that time all I knew was that girls loved boys and boys loved girls, I was absolutely certain I was fucked up somehow. Now, four years later, I’ve educated myself, because none of these kids need to know anything besides cishet(and even then, it’s a bit iffy) lest they turn out to be gay. Media’s portrayal of love is actually harmful, surprise surprise, and while all the heteroromantic and heterosexual people out there don’t think it matters, it fucking does. Going back to how it messes with abuse culture, the idea that there’s only one person who we can love fully makes it hard to leave someone if you think you really, truly love them. Along with that, it doesn’t help that signs of emotional abuse are rarely, if ever, taught. Problematic movies, such as the Parent Trap, make it seem like this ever lusted-after ‘love’ can solve every single relationship problem without work. Leading from that, let’s look at how the currently defined love isn’t quite right, according to the six types of love from ancient grecian culture.

The six types of love are Eros, sexual love/passion; Philia, deep friendship; Ludus, basically puppy love, because we don’t have a word for it anymore; Agape, universal love/love for everyone; Pragma, or long-lasting love- the kind of stuff couples who’ve been married for several years have; and Philautia, self-love, which none of us have enough today and that’s an entirely different essay about how fucked up society is. Those all sound much more logical than just the one love we have, which is considered romantic. But that’s not right, is it? I personally have three types of love- familial, romantic, and platonic. For example, if I thought I was emotionally stable enough for a long distance relationship, I’d probably already be dating Leah or Prim. Why is this relevant, you ask? Because I love them both in a slightly romantic and mostly platonic way. I love Josh platonically, my cat familially, and so forth. Yelling ‘I love you’ at Josh wouldn’t really work if I only went with the one definition of love, right? But we’re obviously so straight for eachother, him having a boyfriend and myself being gay for several people.

And now for the topic you’ve all been waiting for: my extensive rants and feelings about love at first sight. I’ve gone into considerable depth on this topic before, and why it doesn’t work at all considering the definitions of love but why lust at first sight might be possible. It may or may not be tempered by my own romantic orientation, but how likely do you think it is to form a “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties” based on one look? There was a test a while back, about falling in love by asking forty questions, but while the results were that you can fall in love after only asking the few questions-that doesn’t very well count as first look. Let’s look at the definition of lust for comparison: “usually intense or unbridled sexual desire”. That’s much more achievable by first glance, is it not? That kinda- “oh shit i wanna fuck that person”, a much more animalistic feeling, is well known. While this doesn’t include people on the asexual spectrum, just as my assesment of love at first sight may be biased by myself being on the aromantic spectrum, it doesn’t cover everyone.

And now, after my relatively short assessment on love at first sight, we get to the reason I wrote this paper in the first place. Leah is one of my closest friends, and we started really talking maybe… eight months ago? We were mutuals before that, and chatted a few times, but we never really clicked. I’m not really sure what changed, but you can bet Bessie and the fucking farm that I’m glad it did. We talked for a while, I think Sammi started talking with me after Leah and I became friends(#lammiforever) and for a while everything was awesome and great, and then just out of the blue-

Leah threatened to commit suicide. I don’t think you understand the utter horror, fear, anger, disappointment, and just so much despair. I was so very scared that I’d lose one of the dearest friend’s I’ve ever had, I was angry with myself for not seeing something like this happening, and I couldn’t breath. I had gotten back from school, and then Sammi had asked me to help with Leah. I had no idea what she meant, and then she sent me the post Leah made and my heart just stopped. Leah wasn’t responding to me, and I just spammed her. There were tears on my face, and I was so close to just breaking down and running to my mom to cry my heart out.

But I didn’t. Y’know what I did? I spammed the fucking shit out of her. Asks, submissions, messages, I think I made a few posts too. She said she was gonna deactivate, and she hadn't yet, and I was hoping so fucking hard.

Do you know the story of Pandora’s box? That she was the first woman, and Zeus was a bitter shit so he made her curious. And then he gave her a box, as a wedding present of course. He forbade her opening it, but she was too curious because of that fucking shitface. She opened the box, and everything bad in the world flew out. She tried so hard to close it, to stop the flow of terrible beats.

And after she managed to slam it shut, she heard a voice inside. It begged her to let him free, and she pulled open the box to see Hope, the last gift to the world.

I was clinging to that little bastard so hard right then. One of my best friends was quite possibly dead, and that was the last thing I could do. I cried my eyes out, but i never stopped sending her messages. I was fucking selfish, because I didn’t want someone to die. I begged and pleaded and wept and it fucking worked. I’m so glad that she’s still here, and I love her so fucking much for sticking around. And because I know Leah’s gonna be reading this, I love you. I’m so glad you didn’t kill yourself, and you’re not allowed to blame yourself. I just wish I could’ve seen it coming and helped more, but I didn’t. And I don’t care, because you didn’t die that day and that’s all I care about.

Do you want to know why I love Leah? Because she’s a wonderful, lovely, amazing human being with the courage to stay another day. She didn’t cut her wrists, she didn’t take too many pills, and she’s still living here. I’m so fucking proud of her for that, because that was fucking brave.

Leah deserves so much love because she’s still fucking here, being the wonderful beam of light that she is.

#stab me

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artemis-entreri · 7 years

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Hey mun! Imagine a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy version of entreri!

[[ Hi Anon, sorry about the delay in responding to this question. The truth is, I��m somewhat ashamed to admit that I’ve never read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and don’t have any immediate plans to do so. XD;; I have seen at least one movie iteration of it (that I can remember anyway), but the impression that I’ve gotten from fringe awareness of the book is that it’s far too complex and involved to really be done full justice to (or explained) in one movie. I’ve tried reading the Wiki about it, but I felt much the same way as I did when I watched the movie: that it was something so intricate that its nuances could really only be fully appreciated and understood through multiple readings of the book. My confusion and subconsciously-formed higher regard for the Hitchhiker’s Guide could just be due to my having associated with a group of people that at times seemed truly to believe that the book contained the answer to life, the universe and everything (which I suppose it does literally, as it mentions the number 42 multiple times ;P). Joking aside, I don’t feel qualified to explore this particular thought experiment, as I’m too unfamiliar with the context, especially as the context seems to be monumentally huge. That being said, I will try to the best of my ability to address this somewhat, especially as it’s taken me so long to respond, and to do this, I’ll focus on the one premise in the book that I do know reasonably well: the destruction of the main character’s home planet for the sake of a larger-scope project. I’m not familiar with all the details about how that event colors his specific reactions to the other characters that he meets and the nuances of how those specific interactions go on to affect his position and perspective. Thankfully however, it seems quite obvious that Artemis Entreri is a very different character from Arthur Dent, and Toril/Abeir-Toril is even more different from Earth.

First, I need to first clarify, then put aside, the fact that the destruction of Entreri’s home planet would be very very difficult, if not nigh impossible. While it is the case that the destruction of Toril has been threatened more than once throughout the history of the Forgotten Realms, what always seems to end up happening is that the entity or entities driving that motion gets thwarted by the pantheons of gods, demi-gods, ancient beings, other extremely powerful entities, the teamwork of a large amount of not-as-powerful entities, and/or some combination of all of the above. Then there’s the issue of the countless planes and their respective layers, among which is Toril’s duality with its twin Abeir in the Prime, all of which would further complicate the total destruction plan, which isn’t to say that it is completely impossible. However, given the power levels involved in vaporizing all of that, we’d be talking about the pantheonocide of deities, an event so catastrophic that it’d be extremely difficult for a (more or less) mere mortal (especially one without a towel) to escape from. If he did, it would be even less likely for there to be another more-or-less mundane creature to rescue him. Being adrift in the empty vacuum of space would grant a quick death indeed, hence rendering the premise of this whole topic null and void (no pun intended ;P). Now if the improbablity drive were being used nearby, obviously all bets would be off, however I’m not sure I want to explore that particular scenario.

So let’s say then that Abeir-Toril is destroyed, and Entreri manages to get away because a Spelljammer ship happened to be in the vicinity and there’s someone on it with a vested interest in saving him from total annihilation for whatever reason. I really can’t see Jarlaxle not also getting away from the destruction of their homeworld, in which case what would follow would basically be The Sellswords, but IN SPACE! However, for the sake of this thought experiment, we’ll say that didn’t happen and Entreri is the only former Torilian to have survived the planet-destruction catastrophe. Whew, what a mess, and poor poor assassin! He’s already got such a hard time handling his familiar surroundings, and even there he doesn’t have a concept of security and peace, so literally tossing him into space with all of his pre-existent issues would be a very difficult thing for him to bear (yet sadly appropriate because he seems to be the go-to character for extreme and/or prolonged torturous experiences). I think that, given how he’s tired of living that the thought to terminate his life would certainly cross his mind, but his self-preservation instincts are so ingrained that he’d have a hard time actually doing so. Entreri would want to die on his terms alone, but pitched into a totally different environment none of the conditions would be his own, and his sensibilities wouldn’t allow himself to give in to a situation like that. Not to mention in a completely foreign environment, the sense of perpetual danger would be great, which would trigger his competitive survival tendencies, leading him to be caught up in a huge endeavor to try to create some semblance of security for himself before he even realizes it. In his struggle to fight to have things on his terms, or more importantly, to not be on someone else’s terms, he would inevitably get himself stuck in an endless feedback cycle until he becomes what he’s always been no matter where he goes: a respected and feared entity that is given a wide berth.

There’s of course the question of personal attachments, and where Hero left off, we’re supposed to believe that Dahlia is Entreri’s soulmate and their relationship is his Happily Ever After. I find this highly unlikely, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable for Entreri to be romantically involved with someone as well as having other attachments at the point of the conjectured destruction of his world. Upon losing those connections, so suddenly and compounded by the loss of everything that he’d ever known, he would despair, I mean who wouldn’t? It might come close to breaking him, but he’s gone through so many outrageously traumatic things in his life that “coping” mechanisms would kick in automatically even if he doesn’t will it consciously. In his anger, he might consider killing whomever destroyed his life as he knew it, but he would also quickly realize the impracticality of attempting such, for whom or what ever is capable of destroying an entire planet and its gods could squash him like a bug. He’d be giving up his life for something pointless as well as dying on someone else’s terms, and while Entreri has his pride and vengeful nature, he’s also not stupid. It’s true that the being directly responsible for destroying Earth, and presumably Toril in our thought experiment, is the equivalent of a construction worker who would be an easy target for Entreri to hit if Entreri could get to him, Entreri would also realize that there’d be very little point to trying to kill an individual that he knows nothing about in a society in which he has to relearn everything. So let’s say that Entreri eventually learns that the people who ordered the destruction of his planet are not warriors or mages and would be as vulnerable to his deadly blades as any commoner on the streets of Calimport, there would be little point in exacting revenge against them because hostility was nowhere near their motives when they destroyed the planet (they even put the paperwork on file and warned the Earth/Toril, it’s not their fault that the people of Earth/Toril didn’t go to Alpha Centauri to read those notices). The entire situation would be horribly ironic and Entreri would most likely be stuck in a state in which he wouldn’t know whether to laugh or rage. Rather than losing himself to impotent rage and the lack of a viable target to exact vengeance against, he’d more or less resign himself to reality, even if it would take a while. Entreri’s a very old man by human standards, and although his body hasn’t aged, it’s very apparent that he feels it on an emotional level. Most of his years have not been kind to him, inflicting on him way more mental scars than physical ones, so he probably feels a perpetual state of tiredness. This is in direct tension with his competitive drive, but I think that long term, he would (continue to) suffer from depression and PTSD, but he wouldn’t lose his edge. He’d try to make the most of everything in the way that he does, which isn’t healthy nor exemplary, but it’s what he does: spend a lot of time listening to conversations in space taverns and nursing all sorts of alien brews. It wouldn’t be out of the question for him to become one of those Sci-Fi space mercenaries/assassins garbed in fantasy medieval-esque cloak and leathers but dual-wielding energy blades, always managing to dwell ominously in the darkest corners despite the pervasive phosphorescent lighting. He could even become a dual-wielding gunslinger, as he prizes efficacy and efficiency, and melee weapons fall short when dependable range weapons exist (blunderbusses exist in the Realms, however are very unstable and undependable, hence why guns never caught on there). However, that’s a separate subject entirely

To my understanding, one of Arthur Dent’s biggest struggles with what happened to him is that his homeworld was a simple one-sentence notation in the annals of the universe. Abeir-Toril wouldn’t be that way, but even if it were, I don’t think Entreri is attached enough to it to really care about just how significant others found his world. I could see him finding some grim sort of amusement if it turned out that his world and all of its gods were in fact insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe/multiverse, since that’s sort of in line with his personal outlook. Entreri’s insignificance both disheartens him and allows him to draw some sort of twisted satisfaction from simply being insignificant. It rubs him the wrong way, but he also recognizes at least subconsciously that he can’t change that no matter how hard he tries and something that would prove that sort of defeatist mindset might bring him a strange sense of validation. And certainly, few things would prove a single entity’s total insignificance than some master race bulldozing over their planet as though it were nothing. So because of this warped satisfaction/validation, Entreri would be able to live on and adapt like he’s always done.

I apologize for the disjointed nature of my answer, my ignorance on this subject matter makes it pretty hard for me to answer, but hopefully I was able to entertain you at least a little. XD ]]

#ama #ooc #the hitchhicker's guide to the galaxy #Artemis Entreri #Entreri #Toril #Abeir #CrossOver #Forgotten Realms #legend of drizzt #Anonymous

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djesusgetnaked · 6 years

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29-35. All the opinions on:?

Alriiight. Interesting questions.

29. Gay rights?

Who’s gay here ??Obviously, I fight for gay rights. And not only on papers, but also in daily life. I’m so sick of being in a world of cis het people. Yes, in theory gays are more accepted, but there’s still people who make a weird (not in a bad way though) face when I casually tell that I’m bi, for example. Or guys making gay jokes about a guy who’s being tactile with another guy while drunk. Fucking grow up already ??I remember a conversation with someone, telling me that people weren’t ready yet for gay marriages, gay rights etc. Some people will never be ready, and if we have to wait for them to be ready for anything, we’ll never do anything done. Fuck them. Give all humans the same rights, and those dumbass people won’t have the choice to change their mind.

30. Second chances?

Alright, tricky one. It depends on the situation, but in theory I’m down for second chances. It can happen to everyone to fuck up. So yeah, a second chance seems kinda fair, but not a third, or a fourth, or fifth etc. Some people tend to abuse other’s trust. Also, I’m willing to give a second chance, if it means it doesn’t hurt me back. For instance, if my partner cheated on me, I’d have a hard time to give them a second chance, because being with them would just hurt me.

31. Long distance relationships?

In theory, I’m also down for it. I had a long distance relationship myself, some people meet over the internet - and it’s awesome, because sometimes they have social issues etc. But the feeling of missing someone is very hard to handle, and it can drive you completely crazy - hell, my long distance relationship was very toxic, but I’m not a very healthy person, so maybe it’s on me. So long distance relationship, yes, but at the condition that I can see my partner a few days per month at least.

32. Abortion?

Yes, of course. But an abortion has to be taken with a lot of care. Not everyone handle the situation the same way, and it’s not hard for everyone, though it’s still a tensed moment. Sometimes a therapist is needed. Plus, some people need to remember that an abortion isn’t a contraception. Anyway. But yes, it’s a woman right and of course I’m all for it.

33. The death penalty?

Absolutely not. It’d be hard to tell all my arguments, but I’m against it. Yes, a death penalty is sometimes the easy way but fuck that. First of all, why punishing a crime of taking the life of someone if it’s for doing the same thing ? Yes, there’s a trial blabla. But who are you for deciding who lives or dies ? Humans fucking playing God. And imagine the guy wasn’t guilty and you find it a few years later ? Yes, jail isn’t pretty either, but a mistake can be fixed

34. Marijuana?

I won’t lie that I’m a big smoker, when I used to live with my roommates, we smoked on a daily basis. I’m for its legalization. Because I think once it’s not illegal anymore, it can be more controlled. Weed can be dangerous for your brain, but the fact that it’s an illegal drug is what attracts some people too - and people still buy it very easily. Though, it’s not more dangerous than alcohol. I tried several drugs, and my worst states/times were because of alcohol. And it’s not more addictive than alcohol or cigarettes - even less, but it’s my opinion. Anyway, it’s hard to talk about it in a monologue, but yeah I’m for its legalization.

35. Love?

First of all, there are several kinds of love. The romantic one is very overrated. I mean, I’m a flirty boy and I fall in love 34 times a day, but society really pushes us to be in love, and if you don’t have a partner you’re often considered like a loser. We’re in a society of love, kind of. Because, the thought of success is basically having a good job, a good home, and starting a family with a stable partner. Once I remember saying that I don’t want kids, and if I want some I want to adopt, and everyone told me that it was because I’m young, I don’t know what I want in life, but having kids with someone you love is the most satisfying thing in life blabla. Hmm, fuck you ? Thank you. You don’t need a partner to be successful in life, it depends on anyone. And we are so focused on that, that sometimes we forget other important things. Plus, love is very often toxic, and it brings you more trouble and unhappiness than a feeling of peace - romantic love and family love, mostly. The thing is, we want to love, but love is also dictated by so many society expectations, which aren’t good for everyone, but like there are so many rules it’s ridiculous ??I’m a lover boy - I really am. But deep down, I’m very disillusioned about it.

(Alright, that was long. I have so many thoughts about so many things, and I’m always down for talking about it, debating etc. Always very interesting. So don’t hesitate to ask me things.)

#asks #anon #weed #alcohol #drugs #love #abortion #death penalty #tricky subjects #but so interesting #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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mintypothos · 7 years

Text

Sirens and Shipwrecks- 3

read it all from the start

the squad tries to start a fire

Hercules did not come back for a little while, which was a relief given how the conversation had ended. When he did come back, however, it was with Lafayette. “My dear Hercules tells me you are in need of a fire?”

Aaron nodded, receiving a strangely solemn nod in return. “We will do our best then, little Burr.”

“There is... a way to constrain the fire, right?” Hercules was hesitant, and Aaron remembered again his brief disbelief at the mention of using fire.

“Of course,” Aaron assured. “From what I understand, you clear a small area where there's as little wind as possible, then you line a circle with rocks. The fire goes inside, and if there's not too much breeze, it should stay inside. When it's time to sleep, you bank the fire so the embers stay hot for the morning, and also so nothing can happen when you're sleeping.”

Lafayette hummed in interest, and it was unfair how even that slight sound was captivating in nature. “How does one 'bank' a fire?”

“Well,” Aaron controlled the urge to scratch his face. “First, we should concentrate on starting a fire. The thing is, I'm used to human made devices that create the heat for me. I know the basics, but I've never... actually had to start a fire from scratch.” Aaron tried not to feel useless- he was a city boy in every way, and hadn't even gone camping before. Thomas teased him enough about it (which was stupid besides, seeing as Thomas might actually be more loaded than Aaron and certainly hated nature more than any of them, no Thomas, living in the country doesn't count when you have a mansion-) Even the vacation that stranded him here had been an excessive pampering, the boat tricked out with all sorts of amenities.

Said amenities, namely the air conditioning and mini fridge, were, come to think about it, how Aaron had spent half the trip talking to Alexander while Thomas and James sucked face and drank smoothies below deck. That at least was a good turn of fate, since at least Aaron had endeared himself enough to get rescued.

“Well, we're going to try our best.” Hercules gave a reassuring smile. Aaron couldn't help but reciprocate. In what was clearly a well repeated movement, Lafayette leaned over to Hercules and lightly kissed the corner of his smile. It was returned with a familiarity that seemed almost too personal.

Aaron hid his surprise, although really, it shouldn't have been surprising. Hercules had mentioned the phrase 'soulmate', it only made sense to be referring to a romantic partner of some kind. But questions of merfolk relationships could wait for another day. They had a fire to start.

...

They did not have a fire, hours later, even when Alexander and Laurens arrived to help. It wasn't their fault that Aaron knew that Pyrite could make sparks against flint but had no idea what either type of stone looked like. Pyrite was probably brown-ish, and flint spintered easily and was probably dark, but that wasn't descriptive enough for good results. “Well, we can just keep an eye out, if it's not an emergency. Try to test a few new stones each day until we find something?” Laurens asked, after yet another pile of handpicked rocks revealed nothing.

Hercules glanced at Aaron, a helpless look, before shrugging. “I guess we can continue with fruit for now. But Aaron really should get something more filling, soon.”

Aaron, who had eaten nothing but coconuts and some unfamiliar tropical fruit for the past several days, agreed wholeheartedly. “Say,” Alexander rested his elbows on the bank of the river, the rest of him comfortably seated in the water. “What is it about cooking that is necessary for you humans?”

Aaron silently thanked him for a question he was actually able to answer. “Most importantly, it kills the microorganisms in the food that are harmful to us. But also, it chemically changes the protein and other components in meat to something much easier for humans to digest.”

Alexander brought a knuckle to his lips, making a long thoughtful noise. “That sounds familiar...” He plucked at a clump of grass with his other hand, lost in thought. The other Mer fell quiet, letting him think. The atmosphere suddenly felt anticipating.

Despite having learned by now that Alexander was a Mer of sudden movements, Aaron did not anticipate the burst of motion. Alexander shot from the bank with a loud whoop, drenching all of them with the resulting splash. Aaron allowed a long sigh.

“Oh, what's wrong?” Lafayette turned at the noise. Aaron supposed that getting splashed was the opposite of a problem for Mer, so he probably shouldn't hold it against them.

“Nothing, just, it's the evening now so my clothes aren't going to dry by night. Humans don't generally find it comfortable sleeping in wet clothes.” He didn't expect them to fully understand, with their strange clothing that was obviously designed for being constantly wet. Although, Aaron was a little surprised in retrospect that the guards they all wore on their forearms appeared to be some sort of leather and yet did not smell.

Unsurprisingly, this was new information to all of them. “Does it make you sick?” Laurens pulled a bit closer to get a look, studying the lightly dripping fabric.

“That's not good, you're still working that fever off.” Hercules' hand itched like he wanted to check Aaron's temperature again. He'd already done so an hour previous.

Aaron felt a little bad for worrying them yet again. “Well, it can, if it gets too chilly and we sit in it for too long. That's another benefit of having a fire actually, because I could dry off. But it'll be fine, the nights here are warm.”

Laurens frowned. “Is it a matter of only wet clothes, or wet skin as well?”

“Clothes, because skin dries off much more easily.” Aaron answered without thinking.

He should have expected the sudden smirk on Lafayette's face. “So you need only take your clothes off, yes?”

Aaron sputtered. “No, absolutely not!”

“But would it actually help, though?” Laurens looked intrigued.

“I'm not taking my clothes off!” Aaron huffed and drew his knees up to his chest. Honestly!

“I promise we won't mind!” Lafayette giggled and then abruptly stopped when Hercules smacked the back of his head.

“Hey, knock it off!” Once Lafayette looked suitably chastised, Hercules turned back to Aaron. “No one is going to pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with, Aaron.”

“Yeah,” Laurens snickered, “just because you like going around naked, Laf, doesn't mean everyone wants to.”

Lafayette let out a dramatic sigh. “You can't blame me for trying.”

Hercules rolled his eyes, though faced towards Aaron, he was the only one to catch it. “That being said, if the alternative is you being uncomfortable all night and possibly getting sick, I would appreciate you considering it. We can give you space, if you prefer.”

Aaron felt warm, the thoughtfulness unexpected amongst the teasing. “I.. that would be nice. I am not sure how Merfolk regard clothing, but it's considered very improper to go in public without.” Not to mention his long standing body issues, but they didn't need to know about that.

Hercules nodded. “We're sort of like that, but to a lesser extent. It's not too weird to go around in only bracers, but most people at least wear wraps. Outerwear if you're going out or getting a lot of sun. And Laf's a rich asshole, so he'd be expected to wear at least a shawl or something.”

Lafayette shrugged, drawing attention to the lean muscles of his shoulder. “Ah, but I left that life behind for you, my true loves. The trappings of aristocratic society are beyond me, now.”

“The wealth sure isn't.” Laurens snarked, earning a round of chuckles.

“True, I am not as brave as you, dear Laurens. If it bothers you, only say the word and I will not spend a cent of my fortune.” Lafayette spoke loftily, with flowered language and laughter in his voice.

Laurens snorted. “Now hold on, I never said that. Just that you're a hypocrite.” This earned a sound of mock outrage as Lafayette launched himself at Laurens. They play-wrestled for a moment, only to give up in collapse of limbs. Hercules rolled his eyes again, but the fondness in his smile was telling.

Watching the antics of people clearly enamoured with each other, Aaron felt a tiny ball of hidden tension release inside him. This felt comfortable, somehow. Lafayette, trapped now under Laurens, started peppering the Mer's freckled face with tiny kisses, until Laurens laughed and scooted off. The act was sickeningly cute, and Aaron felt himself relax a bit more.

For the first time, Aaron considered that he may have been over-exposed to PDA growing up, if this was what made him feel a bit like home. Aaron could almost hear the embarrassed “oh my god” James would mutter if he knew. Thomas would just be self satisfied, as he always was.

The truth of the matter was, wet clothing was rather uncomfortable. Especially with the sun as low on the horizon as it was. Aaron still wasn't quite comfortable showing skin to relative strangers, and in fact still had the occasional bad day for himself. But it was getting dark, he only really needed to ditch the shirt, and there was something calming and familiar in the air.

Aaron was halfway into removing his shirt when Alexander came splashing up the river. He paused for a moment, seriously considered abandoning the motion, and then finished pulling the shirt away with a determined air. Alexander lifted a book out of the water and opened his mouth to say something, before zeroing in on Aaron.

“Why is he undressing? Humans don't usually undress.” He pulled himself onto the grass with a graceful twist and slid closer. “Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that I've observed a lot of humans in my time, and they never leave their homes without clothing.” Alexander's face brightened, “Oh, if you consider this something of a home already, that's awesome!”

Then, Alexander paused, quirked an eyebrow, and peered down at Aaron's chest. “What are those scars?” Aaron froze.

The words caused the others to immediately turn to Aaron, and he spared a moment to internally curse. This was exactly the experience he wanted to avoid. “They look painful.” Lafayette had a frown on his lips, one hand slightly extended to the parallel scars on Aaron's chest. Thankfully, he had the foresight not to attempt touch, because that was really not something Aaron thought he could handle right now.

“They're very uniform. Looks like a surgery,” Laurens offered, and Aaron nearly jumped at the correct guess.

“Yes, it's from a surgery a while ago.” Aaron hoped they would leave it at that. He was not ashamed of being Trans, not anymore at least, but it wasn't a topic he had the emotional energy to explain. Aaron especially did not have the energy to explain it to members of an isolated fantastical race that probably had a very different concept of gender to begin with. If they were anything like the species humans already knew about, then their bodies were magic enough to make that sort of change simply by unconscious will- in which case, the concept of being Trans would be completely lost on them anyways.

“Oh, alright.” Alexander nodded, accepting the answer despite its vague nature. “Well anyways, as I was saying before, I took a quick trip to my personal archives, and I've found the solution!” And, more effectively than any intentional distraction, the topic changed. Lafayette looked like he still wanted to say something, but relented as Alexander prepared to launch into another speech.

“You weren't saying before, you just launched off suddenly,” Hercules pointed out.

Alexander rolled his eyes. “details, details. The point is, I have a solution!” From the bag attached to his hip, Alexander pulled out a lemon, brandishing it proudly beside the book in his other hand (which, considering it looked exactly like the paper books Aaron was used to, he had no idea how it wasn't falling apart from the moisture).

“How's a lemon supposed to help? You can not be expecting Aaron to eat one.” Hercules wrinkled his nose. “I remember how sour those are.”

“Not quite.” Alexander started, only to be interrupted by Laurens shouting in recognition.

“Oh wait, of course, Ceviche! I didn't even think about that.” Laurens laughed, “I knew the citrus acids made for a kind of cooking, but honestly I haven't had it in so long I didn't even realize.”

Lafayette made a similar noise of acknowledgement. “I have had it as well. I thought it was just a marinade.”

“No wonder, it's not like anyone eats it much with how hard it is to get lemons,” Alexander explained. “I had to double check that it really does do the same thing as cooking. Also, even back in the heyday of stealing shit from humans, it wasn't like lemons and limes were that common. Now, there's even less.”

Aaron Burr considered the solution. He had never heard of Ceviche before, but the concept of cooking with acid made enough sense. Vinegar was used as a preservative because it killed bacteria, and it could also denature proteins. There was no reason they couldn't accomplish something similar with lemon juice.

Then again, if lemons were so rare, this would not be a long holding solution. “Excuse me,” Aaron said, “if it's very hard to find lemons, you don't need to waste them for my sake.” Aaron should have expected the shut down he immediately got.

“Don't say that, you need to eat,” Hercules started.

“Little Burr, you are worth much more than a lemon,” Lafayette was next.

“What they said, also it's not actually hard for us, there's a big orchard of all sorts of fruit on the North side of the island.” Laurens finished.

Aaron considered the information. “I didn't realize.”

“It is a little weird,” Alexander agreed. “We think that some humans maybe lived here, sometime before it became part of Mer territory. There's a lot more edible things than you would expect for a small island like this.”

“Our island is pretty awesome.” Laurens added.

All four of them grinned at that, and Aaron considered that their pride was well earned. “When I'm less sore, maybe I could check it out.”

“I can take you there myself, once you've recovered.” Hercules emphasized the last word, his smile turning razor sharp. “ But for now, let's talk less and cook more. It's almost dark out, and you are not going to bed without a full meal in you, Aaron.”

The book that talked of fish cooking in lemon juice did not come with a recipe, so as a result the fish ended up mashed with several lemons and soaked until they were certain the acid had done its job. The result was unbelievably sour, with little else to divert the tang of lemon and still uncomfortably raw tasting fish.

Honestly, it was one of the most disgusting things Aaron had ever eaten. But it was also one of the most delicious.

#fic #sirens and shipwrecks #introducing trans aaron burr #yayy #also if i ever write it in a shitty way absolutely call me out on it #embarrassingly enough this will be my first fic with an explicitly trans character #which yes is bad on me but these things are only changed one fic at a time #hopefully i dont fuck it up too badly #anyways enjoy #burr/revsquad

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