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jordanrosenburg · 2 years

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Abbott Elementary - The Savior of Sitcoms

When Abbott Elementary aired midseason in December of 2021, I don’t think any of us were ready. I had first heard about the show from Quinta Brunson’s TikTok. I’ve been following her since she worked for Buzzfeed, having made very funny and true digital shorts about what it’s like to be a woman, specifically a short woman. So, from time to time I liked to check in on her and see what she was up to. She was announcing her book, She Memes Well, and she briefly mentioned she was working on a pilot.

Quinta is a triple threat to the world of Abbott - she’s the head writer, executive producer, and lead actress. Her being a woman and doing all of these things is already incredible, but seeing a woman of color shine like this is truly inspirational, and quite honestly...it’s about damn time. Quinta was awarded the very well deserved Emmy for OUTSTANDING COMEDY WRITER. A young (she’s 32, that’s young) woman of color won an award for comedy writing. I cried tears of joy during her acceptance speech. As a woman, we’re basically told our whole lives that female comedians aren’t funny, so this was major for a multitude of reasons.

The cast of Abbott is comprised with some familiar face: Lisa Ann Walter, who many folks of my generation know as Chessy from The Parent Trap, Tyler James Williams of Everybody Hates Chris fame, Sheryl Lee Ralph, who many of us remember as Dee Mitchell from Moesha, and William Sanford Davis who is no stranger to the sitcom world. We also have Janelle James, a comedian who I had honestly never heard of, but is truly hilarious, and Chris Perfetti, another new face to me, but has quickly stolen my heart as his character Jacob.

The first season starts off during the spring semester of the school year. Janine, played by Quinta, is a semi-new teacher who wants to be the absolute best for her students. She’s young, ambitious, high-spirited, and is often annoying her colleagues.

Seasoned professional Barbara Howard, who happened to be Janine’s teacher back in the day, is probably the person annoyed by Janine the most. But only because Janine’s high energy and new teaching styles don’t jive with what Barbara’s used to. Throughout the season, Barbara ends up leaning on Janine a bit more, and starts to see her value as a teacher. Especially when it comes to using new technology that Barbara isn’t exactly savvy with.

Jacob is a corny, happy-go-lucky social studies teacher. He’s the closest with Janine. Jacob is the quintessential cis-white guy who is often a little too “woke” for his own good. But he means well, and even though his students refer to him as “Mr. C.” because he’s so corny, they love him as their teacher. He also has a very loving relationship with his boyfriend, which I enjoyed seeing represented.

Melissa is a fast fan favorite. Having grown up in Jersey, she brings a very real character to the table. She’s a math teacher, and a damn good one at that. Another seasoned professional, who is close with Barbara, but also plays by a lot of her own rules. If something needs to get done, she knows someone who knows someone who knows someone, but you didn’t hear it from her.

Gregory is new to the elementary school. He starts off as a substitute teacher. He was originally supposed to be the principal of Abbott, he was offered the job after going to school for it! But alas, the job was given to someone else - Ava Coleman. Ava has literally no teaching background of any kind. So how did she get the job?

Ava is often flirting with Gregory, making some very crude remarks. She uses the budget inappropriately for her own vanity, and only sometimes actually does her job. She and Janine tend to have many disagreements, but Janine is a passive person, so she’s usually coming up with some over the top idea to make a change instead of just simply discussing the issue with Ava. Not that Ava ever really listens, so it almost forces Janine to do something crazy.

And Mr. Johnson, our beloved custodian, is always there with a smart remark, often that extra comic relief we need to break the tension during some of the more serious scenes.

The show is a mockumentary style sitcom, similar to The Office, or Parks and Rec. The interviews the characters give aren’t as formal as they were on The Office. Most of the time when they’re talking directly to the camera, they’re in the hallway between classes. This style can be hard to pull off, especially when so many other sitcoms have done it, like Modern Family, for example. But Abbott does it flawlessly.

Like many of my favorite shows, we have a slow burn occurring between two main characters: Gregory and Janine. Gregory makes it pretty obvious, to the cameras, that he likes Janine right away.

In fact, part of the reason he takes the open position to become a full-time teacher and not a substitute, by the end of the school year is so he can still be around Janine. Nothing can be too easy, though. We learn early on that Janine has a long-time boyfriend, Tariq. Tariq is basically a deadbeat, going from one dead-end job to the next, leaving Janine to constantly pick up the slack. But they’ve been together for well over ten years, so she’s not exactly looking to start anew.

However, by the end of the first season, Janine does end things with Tariq. And it’s not because she’s in love with Gregory. As much as we want them to be Jim and Pam, they’re not. Janine breaks up with Tariq because she realizes she’s simply outgrown him, and it’s not healthy for either of them to stay in their relationship. It’s not easy for her to come to terms with this, we see that at the beginning of season two as she pretends to be fine with the breakup. Throughout the first season, Janine evolves quite a bit. She’s much more confident as a teacher going into the fall semester. She’s more sure of herself and her capabilities.

The show is heartwarming at its core. Yes, it’s extremely laugh out loud funny. (Which is a big deal because a show rarely makes me audibly laugh, so the fact that I’ve laughed so hard I’ve nearly cried?? Yeah, this is a well written show.) All of the main characters go through a sort of “after school special” moment that helps them grow and become better. I think my favorite person’s journey is Gregory’s. He was obviously bitter about not getting the principal position. He’s also just a very odd duck. He likes order and rigidity. He only eats plain, boiled chicken between two slices of white bread. (He doesn’t like when different foods mix together. When he admitted he didn’t like pizza, it was a whole thing. Jacob was the most offended, especially when Gregory also told them he didn’t pie.)

Gregory doesn’t get goofy or silly with his students, he prefers order. But he slowly starts to realize that if he’s going to actually have a good command over his classroom, then he’ll need to let loose a little.

We’re three episodes in to the second season, and it’s already holding up to the groundbreaking first. This isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes when a show has such an incredibly good first season, the second season can feel lackluster. But not Abbott Elementary. Less than a minute into the first episode, I was already laughing hysterically. Janine was discussing her breakup, so we cut to a scene showing Tariq packing up his friend’s car, and them both driving away. Tariq had a shining smile on his face as he danced in the passenger seat while ‘Snap Yo Fingers” by Lil Jon blasted through the speakers.

The main cast are back to their old antics: finding ways to keep the students interested, doing their best to keep the school from crumbling, and just getting through each day one step at a time. The teachers lean on one another for so many things, and I don’t think that’s something we’ve seen in a show with a school setting before. Most sitcoms that take place in school are usually about the students, not the teachers. And if it is about the teachers, it’s usually very serious. We’re getting a real and unique perspective about what teachers have to deal with at a semi-underprivileged school. Second and third grade classes get lumped together, the textbooks are nowhere near new, and the grant money Janine won for new supplies had to go towards getting rid of a rat infestation in the cafeteria.

Not that it’s all about Janine and Gregory and their slow burn, but if we’ve learned anything from watching Jim and Pam (The Office), or Jake and Amy (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), or Ben and Lesley (Parks and Rec), or even Jonah and Amy (Superstore), these two will not be confessing feelings any time soon. And if they do, they won’t be getting together as an official couple until at least the end of the third season, as many of the couples listed previously did. I’m really excited to see how it all plays out. I know it’s going to be good.

In my opinion, we haven’t had a truly good sitcom in quite some time. Many of our favorites have long since ended. Sometimes when I see the current ones, the ones that are on cable networks like ABC, CBS, and NBC, I find myself asking, “How is this still on the air?”. One of the last good ones standing, again in my opinion, was Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which ended in 2021 after eight seasons. Modern Family ended in 2020, but despite the few really funny clips I’ve seen from that show, I never got into it to watch regularly. Just because a family is blended and a little unconventional, doesn’t mean it’s modern. Who was it modern to? The upper-middle class? The same goes for Black-ish, which ended last spring. That was another show I tried to get into, but just couldn’t. To me, it was just another show about an upper-class family. Yes, the cast was diverse and had good representation, but not everyone lives like that family did. Other honorable mentions are: The Good Place (2016-2020), Schitt’s Creek (2015-2020), and Superstore (2015-2021). Many of these beloved shows have all ended within the last three years. And what are we left with? The Goldbergs? Young Sheldon? Grown-ish? Hard pass. If you like those shows, no shade, they’re just not my cup of tea.

And even though we have shows on paid streaming services like Ted Lasso (a must watch if you’re able), that’s not a program that’s easily accessible to everyone. I’m hoping Abbott sparks inspiration for more warm-hearted comedies. It’s a show that’s fun for adults, but it’s something you can still watch as a family if you so choose. Having someone like Quinta as a writer is truly the key to its success. The show is funny, relatable, sometimes gut-wrenching, and something I look forward to watching every week.

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multimilfs · 2 years

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Melissa Schemmenti x Fem!Reader: What if I say I'm not like the others?

Summary: There's a lot you know about Melissa Schemmenti, but not so much that you understand. And when insecurities bubble over into your relationship, it just might equal disaster.

A/N: I've been writing this all week and editing over the past few days. When I watched the most recent episode... I knew I had to get this posted, since it fits a little with the familial theme. But anyway Lisa Ann Walter owns my heart, please enjoy!!!

Tag List: @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @multifandomfix @escapetodreamworld

Warning(s): None

There’s a lot you know about Melissa Schemmenti.

You know she takes her coffee with enough sugar to be illegal and her liquor neat and how she melts when she hears the kids call her ‘Miss Schemmenti’ even after years of teaching. You know her favorite meal is Veal Siciliana from Scanicchios, but how she’ll never set foot in the restaurant after Joe used it to propose their divorce.

You know she’s not a hard woman to learn, but she can be impossible to understand.

So when the door to her cousin Annette’s house opens and Melissa’s face loses a shade of warmth, you know she’s putting on an act, but you don’t know why; Besides her blackmailer of a sister, Annette has always been the one she’s fondest of.

“There she is!” Annette exclaims, grabbing you in a bone-crushing hug like she didn’t threaten you over the dinner table at last week's family dinner, “Mel didn’t know if you’d be able to make it.”

“Good to see you too, Annette.” Melissa deadpans.

You shoot Melissa a look, “I wouldn’t miss dinner for anything.”

“Good, good. Come inside before the food gets cold.”

You’re ushered into the house and surrounded in the typical chaos of the Schemmenti family. Annette takes the branzino from your hands and whisks it away to the kitchen. Uncle Anthony and his wife Lorraine are at the dining table, halfway through a bottle of wine, laughing at something one of the surrounding cousins said.

Against the wall behind them Uncle Tomas watches the room with a keen eye. He’s arguably the most intense of her family members. The first time you’d met the man, Melissa had introduced him as Stickman; the man was a lawyer, you learned, and a damn good one. He was well connected and could get anything to stick if it’d help his case. That evening, when Melissa was distracted, he assured you he’d do the same to you if you hurt his niece. You had steered clear of him for a while after that.

Annette’s husband Nico comes around the corner, doing his Greek roots proud as he enthusiastically kisses both of your cheeks. Annette scowls, but she’s long since given up on trying to break him of the habit—after 10 years there isn’t much she can do.

Bundled up in his arms is their daughter Sophia. Everytime you remember how tiny she used to be compared to now, tears spring to your eyes.

“There’s my favorite girl,” You coo, taking her out of Nico’s arms, “I missed you so much. Have you been behaving for your parents?”

She stares up in adoration while Annette and Nico smile. Melissa hangs back, hands stuffed in her pockets as she takes in the room. You try to catch her eyes, but she’s determined to look anywhere else.

“She’s been a nightmare this week. First she was sick and then when she was better, she’d refuse to sleep,” Annette throws her hands up, “I can’t figure it out.”

“You think she’d want a break from you two.” Melissa says.

Her cousin glares, delivering a harsh punch to her arm. The barely-there grin that was on Melissa’s mouth falls and she stiffens, puffing up, pulling her arm back to deliver an undoubtedly worse blow. You place your hand on her arm and step between them.

It clearly ruffles her feathers that you’re stepping in, but she says nothing. Her arm drops and she levels a glare at Annette instead. You bounce Sophia, sharing a look with Nico.

“Sweetheart, how close are we to eating? Would you like help setting the table?” Nico asks.

“You sit down, I’ll help her out,” Melissa interrupts, pressing a kiss to your cheek and brushing past you.

You blink and she’s moving towards the kitchen, shoving Annette ahead. A pointed stare burns into your face as you focus on the baby in your arms. Her original eager face has turned sleepy the longer you bounce her. Moving her to your other arm, you make the mistake of locking eyes with Nico.

“It isn’t my business…”

“We’re fine, Nico. She’s just had a long week.”

It’s a simple enough answer and it’s a true one. Melissa has been overwhelmed. You choose not to mention that the only time her behavior changes is inside this house. She may love her family and value them to no end, but lately she hasn’t been acting like herself around them, and you feel yourself being pushed away for a few hours every week.

You don’t talk about it—why would you? The second you’re back in the car, everything is normal. It doesn’t affect your relationship. All you want is to understand why it’s happening.

“Seems she’s having many of those.”

Glaring at Nico is second nature. He doesn’t apologize, only shrugging as if to say I’m only speaking the truth. Luckily, he drops the conversation, and you stand in mostly-comfortable silence watching Melissa and Annette move around from afar.

—

“So, have you found a ring yet?”

“Knock it off already,” Melissa growls, staring into the simmering sauce on the stove, “I’ve said all I needed to about that.”

“You didn’t say much, actually.”

“She doesn't want to marry me, Annette.”

“How would you know if you haven’t asked her?”

The murmur of voices from the dining and living rooms filter in. Melissa looks up and watches you, Sophia bouncing in your arms while her Aunts, Uncles, and cousins pull you snugly into their conversations. Her eyes are pained.

She wants to commit the scene to memory, discreetly pull out her phone and snap a picture of the room so it won’t fade away. It had never been like this before. No matter how much Joe meant to her, members of her family had never warmed to him, and he’d remained firmly on the outside.

Now you stand holding the youngest Schemmenti in her cousin’s home, laughing and talking easily with family members who’d have sooner taken Joe out than let him share their table.

“I just—I know, alright? I’m not going to tie her down.”

“Look at me,” Annette demands and Melissa does, “That girl wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to be tied down. Now either you make her a Schemmenti or stop stringing her along.”

“That isn’t what I’m doing.”

“Okay, Mel.”

It’s a bad sign that Annette has stopped fighting; whatever Melissa says, she is firmly wrong on this, and her cousin has proved her point. Her stomach turns. She isn’t against marrying again, despite what everyone thinks.

It’s just complicated.

The two cousins put the finishing touches on dinner in silence; Melissa mulling over her thoughts and Annette brooding beside her. They make quite the pair with their fiery locks and matching frowns, but they make one hell of a meal.

Every now and again Melissa will glance your way. The baby never once leaves your grasp but you move around the room with her. Her cousin Lisa coos at the sleeping girl between bouts of conversation with you, making Melissa smile. She knows you’d bring Sophia home with you if you ever got the chance. And though it pains her to think about the lost sleep and headaches, she wouldn’t mind.

Their lavish spread is set on the table—and any flat surface, really—when Melissa makes her way back to you. She’s lost her appetite for the time being, craving only your closeness, which shouldn’t relieve her as much as it does. But when she grabs two chairs, Great Aunt Katherine flags you down first and insists that you sit to her right tonight.

Offering a sheepish smile, you steal a quick kiss, “I’m sorry, honey. We’ll share dessert?”

“Sure.” Melissa nods.

Uncle Tomas takes up the seat saved at Melissa’s side, raising an eyebrow at the lack of a plate. You shoot concerned glances from the other end of the table. Ignoring both, Melissa shoves her hands back in her pockets, leaning back to observe the room.

No one tries to bother her for once. She’s free to brood and take in the room on her own time, zoning in and out when her thoughts pull her in.

The sound of Sophia crying breaks her focus.

Everyone around the table looks at you as you murmur, rubbing her back and rocking. Annette is the first to move and grab a bottle. It’s rare that Sophia cries with you, almost like you’re her personal Xanax, but not even you are a balm for an empty stomach.

Flustered, you send Melissa a pleading look over the baby’s head. She’s up in an instant and taking the now-warm bottle from her cousin. Nodding her head to the hallway where the nursery is, she rubs a hand down your back as you pass, turning towards her family.

“Might help to get away from all your loud mouths.” Melissa throws behind her.

A few choice comments are thrown after her but she ignores them, making a beeline for the nursery. She can still hear you and Sophia from outside as she slips in and closes the door. Holding out the bottle, she wraps her free arm around you.

“Thank you,” It’s a bit of a hassle to get Sophia latched onto the bottle, but eventually she deems it good enough, and her whines stop. You let out a long breath,“I was a little on-edge having everyone stare at me.”

Melissa’s lips press a kiss to your temple, saying I got you. You lean into her and smile as you imagine how the scene must look. You wonder if Melissa thinks of it as fondly as you do. She’s never said much on the subject of kids, but sometimes you think she feels like she’s missing out.

Turning your neck to look at her, you stiffen at the brief pain you can see on her face, and drop the whole idea. If she wanted this, she’d tell you… right?

“What’s going on, Melissa?” You ask softly still.

“Nothin’, sweetheart.” She smiles, “Just a little tired, that’s all.”

You know by the way her smile doesn’t reach her eyes that she’s lying.

Instead of calling her on it, you nod, and lean up to steal a kiss. It doesn’t feel the way it usually does and you try to brush it off; once we’re out of the house, you think, it’ll be normal again.

But when you leave that night with arms full of tupperware, it doesn’t go back to normal. Melissa is too quiet and reserved and god, she won’t even touch you. She drives home with both hands firmly on the wheel.

The music is on but you refuse to hear any of the lyrics and when you recognize the street you’re on, something in you goes cold. You stare blankly at houses that pass and try to will away the feeling of impending doom.

“Where are we going?” You ask and it doesn’t sound like you.

“I’m taking you home.”

Something snaps then. You don’t know why, or what triggers it, but you whip your head to face her. Home, she says, like you don’t have space reserved in her closet. Home, like you don’t know her kitchen better than your own anymore.

“Pull over.”

Her eyes widen, “What? Are you insane?”

“Melissa Schemmenti, pull the damn car over!”

Your voice is too loud in the car and you hate the way it cracks, but she listens. Try as you might, the dam of tears is starting to overflow as she stops a few blocks from your place. It takes everything in you to look at her.

When you see the look on her face and the tears in her own eyes, you know.

You know, but you ask anyway, “What is going on?”

Melissa opens her mouth, then closes it, swallowing hard. She closes her eyes and shakes her head before looking back at you. Her own tears are gone and you hate her for shoving her feelings down. You hate her for making this easier on herself when it’s so hard for you.

“I realized that I… I’ve been giving you the wrong idea. About this, us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look, you’re the date-to-marry type, you know? But you need to know you’ve got options. I want you to know that and—and you don’t need to feel like you should tie yourself down just because we’ve been together a while.”

She’s grasping at straws. You know that, she knows that, but back to the same old story—you don’t know why.

“Is this—are you breaking up with me?” You whisper.

“Annette said—“

“Annette told you to do this?”

“No! Sweetheart, I just mean that I want you to know you have options. You’re beautiful and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Don’t pretend you’re doing this for me. I am—I was happy.” Your throat is closing up, words choking you, “I’m going to go. Call me when you’re done being an idiot.”

Her usual Italian fury is buried under heartache. When you get out of the car and slam the door behind you, she just watches and follows—at a distance—to make sure you get home safe. She doesn’t get out. She doesn’t yell or run after you. As soon as she knows you’re safe, she drives home, focused more on the tears that’d poured from your eyes than the insult from your lips.

——

When Annette flings open the door a week later, her smile falters seeing Melissa by herself. She looks up and down the block to see if maybe you’re trailing behind.

“Where is she?” Annette asks. Seeing the look on Melissa’s face, she’s flooded with rage, “What did you do?”

“I stopped stringing her along, like you said.”

Melissa doesn’t sound like herself, though she’s trying hard to. She doesn’t look like herself either. Her eyes are puffy and her makeup is smeared.

“You idiot!”

And Annette is flying at her, screaming in Italian and throwing her hands around a little too close to Melissa for her liking. It’s a good sign she hasn’t taken her earrings out. Annette is speaking so fast she can hardly understand and at some point she starts yelling back. Melissa does take out her earrings. They’re shoved in her pocket and she’s winding up when the door opens and Uncle Tomas steps onto the porch, folding his arms over his chest.

“Annette. Inside.” He says in a tone that leaves no room for argument.

She huffs, but moves. Melissa makes an effort to follow and slip inside but her Uncle steps in front of the door after Annette’s gone. She meets his eyes and mirrors his position, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Stickman.” She nods.

“What are you doing, kid?”

“Trying to come over for family dinner. That a crime now?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

Stickman has seen her at her boldest, even her dumbest, but she still withers when he stares at her long enough. She hates that her desire to fight back vanishes. No one should have that power over her, but she doesn’t fight, not when it comes to him. She respects him too much to spit in his face like that.

“It wasn’t going to work. She has a world of opportunity still, but me? I’m set where I am. Why keep her from the opportunities she has?” Melissa shrugs.

He shakes his head, “Kid, you know why I never liked Joe?”

“Because he wasn’t Italian.”

“No,” He laughs, “because he was a good guy, but he wasn’t good enough. Not for you. Of course, he loved you, so we let him stick around—but he wasn’t family. Family you kill for. Joe loved you, but he wouldn’t have killed for you.”

“And you think she would?” Melissa asked quietly.

“Yeah, I do.”

Melissa had never thought about you as the violent type. You were always keeping her out of trouble, stopping her from getting into fights, stepping in between her and whoever had pissed her off… but maybe it wasn’t like that. She remembers how you glare when you step in and it dawns on her; maybe you weren’t holding her back… maybe you were trying to take on the fight yourself.

She had grown used to biting her tongue and taking a step back while Joe talked his way out of scuffles, all charming smiles and charisma. In a few minutes he’d undo all of Melissa’s damage and deal it back to her. The humiliation hurt more than any punch. But this—this steals the breath from Melissa’s lungs, her chest feeling like too-small tupperware for her heart.

“What does that have to do with her future?” Melissa asks.

“She knows you, kid. And she knows herself. Yeah, she’s got opportunities, but an opportunity doesn’t equal happiness. Let her choose what makes her happy instead of trying to choose for her.”

She nods. A harsh hand is rubbed over her face.

“I’ve really messed it up, huh?”

Tomas unfolds his arms and places his hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye. She tries to ignore the feeling of being a little girl again after her first bad fight with her Mom, trying and failing not to cry about just how unfair it is that nobody paid attention beyond yelling at her. She never understood how he had all the answers. Even now, she still doesn’t.

“If you got yourself into it, you can get yourself out of it.” He says.

Melissa breaks more traffic laws than she can count on her way to your place, but she doesn’t get caught, so she figures it's worth it. But when she steps onto your porch, she’s filled with apprehension. Hurting someone is so much easier than making them feel better.

A soft curse leaves her lips and she forces herself to knock on the door. When you open it and stand in the doorway with arms crossed over your chest, she grimaces in place of a smile.

You’ve definitely seen better days, but you’ve at least tried to hold it together. Your eyes are red, but your makeup is impeccable. The pain in your eyes doesn’t go away and her chest aches; she put it there, she knows, and kicks herself for it.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Melissa says lamely.

Glaring, you raise an eyebrow, “Done being an idiot?”

“Yeah, yeah I am,” Her smile is pained and she’s rocking back and forth on her feet, but she’s trying, “I’m sorry for how I acted.”

“What was going through your head?”

A sigh escapes Melissa’s lips and her breathing is shaky. You want to reach out and comfort her, but hold yourself back. You deserve to know why last week happened, why you were miserable when things had been going so well.

“When Joe suggested we get a divorce, he said he thought we were ‘holding each other back,’” Melissa says, trying to laugh even though her eyes are glassy, “but I… I’d been so content with him, with everything. I guess I thought that if I was happy, it meant I was holding you back too.”

A tear falls from her eye and you step forward, wiping the tear away. You put your hands on either side of her face and smile a watery smile.

“How could you hold me back? Loving you is the greatest opportunity I’ve ever had.” You whisper.

For the first time since knowing her, Melissa looks small. She looks at you with teary eyes like she can’t believe a word coming out of your mouth. Under all the bravado she’s just as sensitive as anyone and for a minute you forgot that.

You know so much about her that sometimes it makes your head hurt; how she loves the smell of cigarettes because everyone around her smoked as a child, how the first woman she dated was the same one that repoed her car, and how under everything she was a just that scared little girl who wanted to be loved. The rough and tumble kid turned into a resourceful woman, but her wounds never left, and now they were staring you in the face.

“I’m not Joe, okay?” You say, after stealing a quick kiss, “You’re not a pit stop for me, you’re the destination.”

“God, you sound like Janine.”

Melissa shakes her head, but she’s smiling all the same, looking at you like she does after those sappy romance movies she pretends not to like. And she pushes forward and kisses you, holding onto you with a tight grip and kissing you like she’s worried it’ll never happen again, as if it’s the last time, and she’s making excuses to keep you with her for a few more minutes.

It makes your head spin how your anger just… dissolves. A week of hearing nothing from Melissa had been devastating, only to slowly morph into an ugly anger that you let fuel you, and now it’s gone. You’re wrapped up in Melissa Schemmenti and all too happy to forget the way you wanted to slash her tires two hours ago.

“Honey?” Melissa says.

You blink and look at her, her head tilted to the side, eyes looking you over. She must have said your name a few times.

You’re dying to kiss her again just as much as you’re itching to scream at her. When did you let yourself become so head over heels for this woman? It grips at you and you want to grab her, telling her that she’s the most infuriating person you know and that you never want anyone else.

“If you ever do that to me again I’ll take a crowbar to your car windows.” Comes out instead and your own eyes widen as she laughs.

“Noted,” Melissa grins, “Now, will you come to dinner? Annette nearly killed me when she didn’t see you.”

“Would have served you right.” You huff, but throw your shoes on and grab your keys, joining her on the porch.

Her hands settle on your hips as you’re locking the door and you pause—interesting way to get me to family dinner, you think. When her lips press kisses to your neck, you let it happen. What is one missed dinner? You love Annette and the family, but none of them are Melissa and her skilled mouth.

All of it stops the second you lean back against her.

“Still got it.” Melissa murmurs.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Schemmenti.”

“I’m from South Philly, gorgeous, danger is second nature.” She pats your hip and steps back, “But I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Maybe I’ll get revenge on you first.”

Her eyebrow lifts in time with the corner of her mouth. She nods once, saying nothing as you finish locking the door and walks you to the car, opening the passenger door to steal a kiss before shutting it.

And this time when Annette opens the front door, she smiles, and Melissa’s earrings stay in. You’re pulled into a hug so tight you question how much Annette’s been holding back; her threats hold a little more weight now.

Nico greets you with the customary kiss on your cheek and passes Sophia to you without prompting. She’s half asleep, but still finds the energy to curl a little hand in your shirt.

Stepping inside with a nervous smile, you’re greeted with nods and an overjoyed Cousin Rocco, “Finally! Annette said you two ran into some trouble, you get it taken care of?”

The last part is aimed at Melissa, who nods. Rocco crosses himself and mutters a quick prayer in Italian. Tomas is the only one who looks at you like he knows and you wonder how much he got his niece to spill. But he looks behind you, where Melissa’s standing, and nods his head towards the back porch.

A hand slides over your hip and warm breath moves over your ear as she passes, muttering, “Be right back.”

You’re pulled into the kitchen in her place, Annette dancing around and putting what little mobility you have to help set the food up. Both of you freeze for an instant when she jostles you and Sophia whimpers, your eyes locking with Annette’s in horror. She settles in the same beat. From then on, Annette takes care when moving around you.

Melissa catches the interaction through the back door and grins when you meet her eyes, a sheepish smile on your face.

It feels like only a moment and the table is being set, but Melissa and Uncle Tomas are still out on the back porch. Both are facing away from you with Tomas surrounded by smoke and motioning with his hands in a way that reminds you of the redhead. She’s nodding along with whatever he’s saying, throwing her head back in a full-body laugh.

Tomas stubs out his cigar when you knock on the window and motion them inside. He says something you can’t read on his lips, but it makes Melissa shake her head. Her eyes meet yours and you’re overwhelmed by the emotion in them.

“Good talk?” You ask.

“I’d say so,” Tomas nods, closing the door as soon as Melissa steps inside, “Hardly a dull moment with that one.”

“Back at ya, Stickman.”

The man weaves his way through the throng of Schemmenti’s to pack a plate. You and Melissa stay by the door, watching the chaos unfold. When you lean into her, you sneak a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her lips twitch.

“You look good with a kid in your arms.”

Blinking, you say slowly, “Thank you.”

“Anytime, honey.”

When she smiles, there’s a twinkle in her eye. And once again you find yourself trying to understand why she’s looking at you the way she is. You find yourself not minding so much though—Maybe there’s nothing wrong with being a little oblivious.

There’s a lot you know about Melissa Schemmenti. How she smiles and softens her voice in the presence of kids, how she can only listen to jazz when she cooks, and how she loves getting her hands dirty. You look forward to understanding her one day, too.

#melissa schemmenti #melissa schemmenti x reader #abbott elementary #abbott elementary x reader #melissa schemmenti imagine #abbott elementary imagine #wlw #wlw imagine #multimilfswritings #oct2022

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skyisover · 4 years

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ok a lot of this is going to use my own headcanons about their hobbies and such but as promised. silent hill characters and whether or not you should date them, in order of best to worst.

under the cut bc it’s long

Harry Mason: Harry is peak boyfriend & husband material without a doubt. He has some issues with staying in his own lane (always getting involved in other people’s business, even though he usually doesn’t mean to), but that just means you get to gossip together once he’s done working for the day. He’s a little on the sporty side surprisingly enough, but mostly because being an author requires being mostly sedentary. Harry prefers hiking, but he’ll go to the gym if he doesn’t want to/can’t do the drive. He’d be thrilled if you came with him, but equally happy if you looked after Cheryl/Heather so he can have a quick break.

Pros: considerate, respectful of you and your space, always makes time for you.

Cons: has a kid and that’s not a lot of people’s thing, a little airheaded even tho he means well.

Conclusion: You should date Harry Mason (if you’re okay with kids).

Henry Townshend: The shy, creative type of boyfriend. Marriage is a little hefty of a word; you’d have to be together for a long time. Henry doesn’t talk much (though when he does he has a fantastic, dry sense of humor, he’ll have you laughing so hard in public you’ll need to take a moment), but rather expresses himself both through body language and his art. Once you know him well, you’ll be able to recognize each little microexpression he makes and how he’s feeling. It just takes time. Henry will share his photography with you, and once he’s feeling bold, ask to take photos of you.

Pros: generous, kind almost to a fault, has creative outlets he’d bond with you over.

Cons: incredibly spacey especially with dates and times, has difficulty communicating.

Conclusion: You should date Henry Townshend (if you’re okay with sometimes having difficult conversations).

Eileen Galvin: A fun-loving party girlfriend. Marriage, but probably only if you two were a little too drunk. She’d only do it if she loved you enough, and Eileen loves everyone, but she takes serious relationships incredibly seriously. She’ll love all your interests, but you’ll be especially compatible if you’re in the same party scene as her; she wants someone light-hearted that she can have fun with, and Eileen has a very outgoing definition of a good time. But she’ll always be punctual when meeting up with her partner, be it on dates, appointments, shows, etc. She wants to support you in any way she can (and can sometimes be a bit embarrassing about it, in the best way).

Pros: supportive of all your interests, good with time management, deeply treasures your relationship.

Cons: has a tendency to be jealous, always wants to stay out a little longer, even if it’s 4AM.

Conclusion: You should date Eileen Galvin (if you’re okay with being designated driver. A lot).

Alex Shepherd: Alex is probably the most touch starved person on this list lol. He doesn’t really understand relationships, though. Alex is a good boyfriend, but he hasn’t exactly had any healthy role models for being one, so expect arguments when he doesn’t understand what to do or what he’s done wrong. He really does try his best, though; he knows how bad his parents were, and he wants to do better. His favourite thing to do is play sports in the park with his friends, and it’s kind of a dream date for him. If you aren’t sporty, you and Alex will usually grab lunch or ice cream after, depending on the time of day. Feel free to tease him for poor performance on the field. He’ll always laugh it off.

Pros: great sense of humor, high energy, puts hard work into a relationship.

Cons: horrible with emotional communication, stubborn.

Conclusion: You should date Alex Shepherd (if you’re okay with working through bad arguments).

Travis Grady: Travis has no experience with relationships. Period. When he’s not working (which is the majority of the time), he’s usually at home watching TV with a steak dinner. He’d probably meet you through the company he works for, or at the grocery store (both of you reaching for the same item?? Anyone?? Anyone??). That’s pretty much what the majority of your dates will consist of- he’ll occasionally go hunting and always invite you unless he knows it upsets you, but it’s never for sport. Travis is a believer in ethical eating and never eats meats that come from processors or the store. Rest assured he’d be more than willing to cook a fantastic homemade dinner for the two of you (and brag a little once you compliment his cooking).

Pros: laid back, a bit of a romantic, stable.

Cons: usually out-of-town making deliveries, prone to clamming up when frustrated and bringing work home.

Conclusion: You should date Travis Grady (especially if you like homemade meals).

Maria: Maria is an enigma. She doesn’t really do the girlfriend thing, per say; she doesn’t like to be exclusive. If anything, it’s a fear of commitment, but she’ll still take you out on dates. Maria’s fantastic company. Drinks at Heaven’s Night, walks by the lake, 2AM pizza runs, she loves it all. No bowling, though. As long as you don’t take any issue with her line of work, the two of you won’t have any real arguments. You go on dates, you sleep together, you’re free to see other people. If you ever need anything at any time, you can call Maria, and she’ll be there. Either a shoulder for you to cry on, threatening (jokingly, or is she) to kill whoever hurt you, or going out to get your mind off of it. Maria comes through.

Pros: a loyal friend, defends you to the death, always ready to go on an adventure.

Cons: only does open relationships, isn’t... like... real?

Conclusion: You should date Maria (so long as you don’t mind the lack of exclusivity).

Lisa Garland: Lisa is a very busy woman. On top of nursing, she struggles with her own addiction, and the abuse she survived. She loves wholly and incredibly quickly. Lisa would want to go on coffee dates, go out on the lake, watch romance movies together, the whole shebang. She’s a classic romantic. However, Lisa’s addiction isn’t something to be romanticized or taken lightly. She needs help, and she knows that; you’re the only person who supports her recovery, supports her dreams of becoming an actress, you are her best friend, and that’s more important. One day in the future, when Lisa is prepared, a relationship could be had together.

Pros: always willing to use her free time to see you, deeply loving, and always worries for your safety.

Cons: can be clingy, has a tendency to overstep when she’s concerned, but it comes from a good place.

Conclusion: You probably shouldn’t date Lisa Garland (at least until she’s ready).

Murphy Pendleton: Murphy tries his damnedest to be a good boyfriend/husband, but he has a lot on his plate. If this is before Charlie’s death, anything his son needs will always take priority. (He’s a good dad). If this is after, the murder of his son will torment him forever. That, on top of being a prison escapee- even though Anne presumably covered for him as per the good ending, he’s considered a dead man. It wouldn’t be a normal relationship, and it wouldn’t be easy. You can rarely go anywhere with him and you move frequently, putting a strain on your relationship. Murphy would love you, but he may break it off, just to keep you out of harms way.

Pros: honest, loyal to a fault, and passionate about everything he cares for, including you.

Cons: prone to anger, a legally dead felon.

Conclusion: You probably shouldn’t date Murphy Pendleton (unless you prepare yourself for heartbreak).

James Sunderland: James’ marriage lasted for years, so it’s safe to say he understands relationships. That being said.. we all know how that ended. James is miserable. He’s devoted to his partner but keeps to himself; a relationship with James is a relationship with his own desire for punishment. He wants his partner to treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Unless you have extreme patience and are willing to help James (and most likely Laura as well, going by the Leave ending), and even then, it’s not a healthy relationship. James can never move past the guilt of what he’s done.

Pros: gives you all the space you need, physically affectionate in private, emotionally devoted albeit in an unhealthy way.

Cons: trapped by his own guilt, often uses you as a personal therapist or mediator between himself and Laura.

Conclusion: You should not date James Sunderland (unless you like the smell of pillows and getting called Mary in bed)

Vincent Smith: The only person Vincent has ever cared about is himself. This would not be a healthy relationship. He uses you for physical comfort, for sex, for indulging all of his earthly desires that he knows the Order would look down on. Vincent can and will emotionally manipulate you if it benefits him to do so; even if or inevitably when he does grow fond of you, ultimately he won’t risk his position or any advantages for anyone else. He isn’t a bad person to spend time with, generally speaking, and can even be quite funny. Vincent leans on the obnoxious side, but if you aren’t emotionally invested, you likely won’t fall for any of his tricks.

Pros: a physical lover, intelligent, easy to have educated conversations with.

Cons: manipulative, selfish.

Conclusion: You should not date Vincent Smith (but you should hang out with him and give him a hard time).

Walter Sullivan: Walter is a man of obsession. If you were someone he met when he was alive and attending Uni, he was probably a relatively normal, albeit a little strange, boyfriend. He’d be clearly troubled but genuinely seem to care about you, and even is excited every time he sees you. Not in a weird way, but a sweet one. Things change after he dies. He becomes obsessed with bringing you into a better world, showing you to his reborn mother. He stalks you as he completes the 21 Sacraments, watching as you sleep, tracking your every move. All for a better world.

Pros: he literally looks like Brendan Fraser i mean -

Cons: i really don’t think i need to explain this one guys

Conclusion: You absolutely should not date Walter Sullivan. (But honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. He’s hot as fuck).

Anne Cunningham: ok bootlicker

Dahlia Gillespie: don’t.

#this took like two and a half hours while watching youtube skdfksdjbfi #silent hill #anyway here it is enjoy #walkie talkie

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weeklyhumorist · 3 years

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All Saints Catholic High School Presents “Angels! in America! The Musical!”

Guidance counselor/Writer/Director Mr. McGrewan has done it again. Fresh off the heels of last year’s Doubt: A Hip-Hopera and 2019’s celebrated A Long Day’s Journey Into Puppets comes Angels! in America! The Musical! An all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza that’s guaranteed to make this Pride month the best one we’ve had since the Queer Eye guys got lost and had to stop here for directions. This will put to rest any concerns about the quality of the high school theatre scene in Ponca City, Oklahoma!

Angels! In America! takes place in the distant, unimaginable past: the 1980s. Neither I nor my classmates had ever heard of Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes before, but thankfully, Mr. McGrewan added pop songs and all-new original music to help us kids better understand the period. For example, in the original play someone named Ethel Rosenberg haunts Roy Cohn as he dies. But in this version, Roy has a change of heart thanks to Whitney Houston and Lisa Frank scratch N’ sniff stickers. Awesome job, Mr. M!

Opening night was electrifying. From the opening bars of “Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz’s Hasidic Hoedown” to the faint sounds of Tony Kushner’s lawyers screaming at Principal O’Shaughnessy in the hallway outside the auditorium, every moment vibrated with the magic of live theatre.

Joe Pitt (senior J.J. Doherty, Class of 2021 what-what!) and Harper (Mary O’Sullivan) brought me to tears during their heartbreaking duet about miscommunication, “Endless Love [for Pills and Men].” Louis (Shawn Cassidy Jr.) rocks out with an original Sondheim-esque patter song called, “I’m a Progressive, Jewish, Gay New Yorker and I’m Not Having Any Fun,” thoughtfully accompanied by rhythmic, agonizing screams from dying Prior Walter (Mark McMacalhanny). I was especially touched by Prior’s show-stopping solo of U2’s ”I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”, set to a slide show of HIV treatment research, crying Cabbage Patch Kids, and inspirational “Hang in There, Baby!” cat posters. I thought it did a great job of subtly conveying that Prior Walter still hadn’t found what he was looking for.

But best of all is Roy Cohn, played by the writer/director/guidance counselor Mr. McGrewan himself! Roy is dying, he takes the Lord’s name in vain, but in a brilliant twist, he can still belt out R.E.M’s “Losing My Religion.” The atmosphere of apocalyptic doom is filled out by the sparkling, toe-tapping All Saints Catholic High School Choir, as well as the faint sounds of Michael Stipe’s lawyers screaming at Principal O’Shaughnessy in the hallway outside the auditorium.

But don’t take my word for it! Here’s a small selection of testimonials:

“No matter your religion, watching the Angel of America sing “We We We We Are The World” with Jesus, Mohommad, and Moses will make you a believer (in the power of song!)”

“Watching St. Mary’s finest tackle this masterpiece for six hours straight was mesmerizing, even when sophomore Anne McCatholicname broke down sobbing out of exhaustion during what was otherwise a very well-choreographed version of ‘Ice Ice Baby’ sung by Mr. Lies in Antarctica.”

“As Radiohead’s longtime lawyer, I can assure Sean McGrewan that we will be taking decisive legal action. The use of ‘Creep’ to reflect Louis’s self-loathing was both heavy-handed and a blatant violation of copyright law.”

No doubt about it, Angels! In America! is my new favorite musical – it’s even better than Grease! While the show is incredible, it’s not for everyone. There is some very heavy subject matter that may upset some young children, and the first six rows will get wet. With only one more weekend left of this short run, I suggest you dance your way to the auditorium so you don’t miss it!

All Saints Catholic High School Presents “Angels! in America! The Musical!” was originally published on Weekly Humorist

#funny #humor #musical #pride

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ariafsar2 · 7 years

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Trading

Hi guys just got some new audios and videos. Email me [email protected] if you’re interested in trading!

Here’s my full site.

Audios

Amélie - 05/05/2017 - Broadway - whenyourhome's master- Philipa Soo (Amélie), Adam Chandler-Berat (Nino), Savvy Crawford (Young Amélie), Tony Sheldon (Dufayal/Collignon), Alison Cimmet (Amandine/Philomene), Manoel Feliciano (Raphael/Bretodeaux), Maria-Christina Oliveras (Suzanne), Randy Blair (Hipoloto), Alyse Ann Louis (Georgette), Harriet D. Foy (Gina), David Andino (Blind Beggar/Garden Gnome), Paul Whitty (Joseph), Heath Calvert (Lucien). Notes: Crystal clear audio taken from the balcony on an iPhone 6s with an Apple headphone mic. Recorded the day after the closing notice for the show went out. [Limited Trades]

Anastasia - 03/23/2017 - Broadway - Christy Altomare (Anya), Derek Klena (Dmitry), John Bolton (Vlad Popov), Ramin Karimloo (Gleb), Caroline O'Connor (Lily), Mary Beth Peil (Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna) Notes: First Broadway Preview, Christy drops the music box in Once Upon a December

Anastasia - 03/30/2017 - Broadway - Christy Altomare (Anya), Derek Klena (Dmitry), John Bolton (Vlad Popov), Ramin Karimloo (Gleb), Caroline O'Connor (Lily), Mary Beth Peil (Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna)

Anastasia - 04/13/2017 - Broadway - Christy Altomare (Anya), Derek Klena (Dmitry), Mary Beth Peil (Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna), Ramin Karimloo (Gleb), John Bolton (Vlad Popov), Caroline O'Connor (Lily) Notes: There are technical difficulties in the middle of act one when the train couldn't leave the stage. The show was stopped for a few minutes, and they started the show from the beginning of the previous scene, Ramin Karimloo breaks character once he sings the lyric "a temporary set back..." once he realizes how applicable it is to the situation. Act 2 starts starts right after the lyrics “and soon all Paris will be singing to you” at the beginning of “Paris Holds the Key (To Your Heart)”. This show also has the new version of “Paris Holds the Key (To Your Heart)” as well as the lyric changes to “Crossing A Bridge”.

Finding Neverland - 02/21/2017 - Tour - Pantages Theatre, Los Angeles - Billy Harrigan Tighe (J.M. Barrie), Christine Dwyer (Sylvia Llewelyn Davies), Tom Hewitt (Charles Frohman), Karen Murphy (Mrs. Du Maurier), Crystal Kellogg (Mary Barrie), Ben Krieger (Peter Llewelyn Davies), Finn Faulconer (George Llewelyn Davies), Mitchell Wray (Jack Llewelyn Davies), Jordan Cole (Michael Llewelyn Davies), Dwelvan David (Mr. Henshaw), Matt Wolpe (Mr. Cromer), Lael Van Keuren (Miss Jones), Victoria Huston-Elem (Miss Bassett), Corey Rives (Albert), Noah Plomgren (Lord Cannan), Thomas Miller (Elliott), Dee Tomasetta (Peter Pan). (First Preview)

Wicked - 11/29/2014 - Tour - Emmy Raver-Lampman (s/b Elphaba), Chandra Lee Schwartz (Glinda), Kyle Brown (u/s Fiyero), Etai Benshlomo (Boq), Jenny Florkowski (Nessarose), Kim Zimmer (Madame Morrible), Tim Kazurinsky (The Wizard), Tom Flynn (Dr. Dillamond), Kevin McMahon (Witch’s Father), Marina Lazzaretto (Witch’s Mother), Tess Ferrell (swing Midwife), Raymond Joel Matsamura (Chistery), Dina Bennett, Lauren Boyd, Nirine S. Brown, Rick Desloge, Timothy A. Fitz-Gerald, Sheila Karls, Trevor Ryan Krahl, Jonathan McGill, Kevin McMahon, Shanon Mari Mills, Cassie Okenka, Adam Perry, Daniel Switzer, Stephanie Torns.

Hamilton Chicago - 04/20/2017 - Miguel Cervantes (Alexander Hamilton), Samantha Marie Ware (u/s Eliza Hamilton), Daniel Breaker (Aaron Burr), Karen Olivo (Angelica Schuyler), Jonathan Kirkland (George Washington), Chris De'Sean Lee (Marquis de Lafayette/Thomas Jefferson), Wallace Smith (Hercules Mulligan/James Madison), Jose Ramos (John Laurens/Philip Hamilton), Aubin Wise (u/s Peggy Schuyler/Maria Reynolds), Alexander Gemignani (King George III), Yossi Chaikin (u/s Philip Schuyler/James Reynolds/Doctor), Jose Amor (Samuel Seabury), Robert Walters (Charles Lee), Malik Shabazz Kitchen (u/s George Eacker) notes: Samantha's first performance as Eliza. First known audio of Daniel Breaker. Another audio of the above show, .flac format (playable with .vlc player). Includes Playbill scans, encore photos and more. Small line flub during 'Wait For It' - at the beginning of the song, instead of singing 'we laugh and we cry and we break...', Daniel sings 'we rise and we cry....' [Limited Trades]

Hamilton Broadway - 04/25/2017 - Jevon McFerrin (s/b Alexander Hamilton), Lexi Lawson (Eliza Hamilton), Nik Walker (u/s Aaron Burr), Syndee Winters (s/b Angelica Schuyler) ,Bryan Terrell Clark (George Washington), James Monroe Iglehart (Marquis de Lafayette/Thomas Jefferson), J. Quinton Johnson (Hercules Mulligan/James Madison), Anthony Lee Medina (John Laurens/Philip Hamilton), Alysha Deslorieux (Peggy Schuyler/Maria Reynolds), Brian D'Arcy James (King George) [Limited Trades]

Videos

Phantom of The Opera - 08/12/2015 - Tour - Chris Mann, Katie Travis, Storm Lineberger, Jacquelynne Fontaine, Edward Staudenmayer, David Benoit, Anne Kanengeiser, Frank Viveros, Morgan Cowling, Mark Emerson, Eric Ruiz, Edward Juvier, Dan Debenport, David Foley Jr, Allan Snyder, Christy Morton. VOB

Sunday In The Park With George - 10/26/2016 - Encores! - Jake Gyllenhaal, Annaleigh Ashford, Brooks Ashmanskas, Phillip Boykin, Carmen Cusack, Gabriel Ebert, Claybourne Elder, Jordan Gelber, Lisa Howard, Zachary Levi, Liz McCartney, Ruthie Ann Miles, Solea Pfeiffer, Gabriella Pizzolo, Phylicia Rashad, Lauren Worsham, Max Chernin, Michael McElroy, Stephanie Jae Park, Jaime Rosenstein. VOB

#broadway bootleg #wicked bootleg #hamilton bootleg #bootleg trading #audio bootleg #Anastasia bootleg #amelie bootleg

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