#mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Are you fucking kidding me? Now we're lumping Autism, Parkinson's, and Alzheimer's together? Two literal degenerative brain diseases, with someone god forbid not thinking and acting the way you think they should. I fucking hate it here. Yes autism is a disability - and we don't need to do everything we can to make it go away. We need to *gasp* make accommodations.

Edit: Shit, sorry for the lack of alt text, it's added now

#i'm exhausted #tw ableism #tw lsd #tw medical #tw ableist #autistic spectrum #autism spectrum #autistic #actually autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic pride #autistic community #autism #nothing about us without us #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Quick reminder that ASPD diagnostic criteria is gross (as with most disorders)! Basically the criteria for cluster B personality disorders is as follows

ASPD: Big, bad, scary person criminal

NPD: Abusive and/or mean to me 🥺

HPD: Hysterical woman that I cheated on my wife with and now I need to blame her for it who is a slut

BPD: Clingy bitch who acts crazy when I cheat and has Daddy Issues(TM)

#not sure why I'm even trying to get diagnosed #considering it is just going to haunt me later #mostly validation I guess #aspd vent #aspd traits #actually aspd #bpd #npd stigma #npd #hpd #diagnostic criteria #dsm #dsm V #stigma #end stigma #cluster b #personality disorder #mibingo vent #mibingo

[mental-illness-bingo]

The chronic illness leaving my body after someone tells me to, and I quote, "Adapt" when I said I can't handle doing something because of my POTS.

#so fucking sick of this #keep that same energy when you need something #it will be time to adapt because I'm not helping #my goddamn chronic illness doesn't work on your fucking schedule #cry about it #I can't even get it to work on MY schedule #pots awareness #potsie #potsawareness #pots syndrome #pots #actually chronically ill #chronically ill #chronic illness #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Hear me out, I love the positivity posts for cluster b folk.

But

If you make a post saying "sociopaths I love you" or "psychopaths I love you", you aren't an ally.

Imagine if someone did that with a hurtful term or slur that applies to you. No one shows "positivity" to gay people by saying (yes this is a slur I can reclaim, tw f slur) "f*gg0ts, I love you" because that would be fucked up.

So don't do it to us. Ok? Thanks.

Edit:

A friend of mine gave me a heads up that some people have been upset about me comparing these stigmatized terms to slurs. That is valid, although I hope (going by the notes) most of you saw I didn't mean to imply that they are the same thing, but just using a more extreme example to show my point more clearly. I apologize and will avoid conflating these two things in the future.

#mibingo vent #mibingo #bpd #aspd #cluster b #actually bpd #aspd feels #aspd traits #aspd vent #aspd things #actually aspd #aspd mood #aspd safe #aspd thoughts #aspd stigma #cluster b pds #cluster b positivity #aspd positivity #npd positivity #positivity

[mental-illness-bingo]

If you use your PD as some excuse or justification to not using trigger warnings, you're a cunt and that's that. Period.

#trigger warnings are necessary #refusing to put them is ableism #and a dick move #in general #you're not cool #you're not edgy #stop your shit #mibingo vent #actuallytraumatized #actually traumatized #cluster b pds #antisocial personality disorder #personal responsibility #personality disorder #aspd #npd #bpd #hpb #cluster b #cluster a #cluster c #mibingo

[mental-illness-bingo]

It's so hard for me to speak openly irl about my ASPD symptoms bc I had to train myself to act like a normal person. I worked so hard to look like I understand social cues and liked people the way everyone else does. I studied in depth psychology and sociology in my free time in middle school because in my brain, when you are having trouble understanding other people and how they feel, you don't ask those people (because A. They may lie and B. People seemed to get offended when I tried that). Instead, you research online how to inspect every sign of different emotions and how people in different situations present those emotions!

I always knew I was different. People my own age hated me, shortly after meeting me if not immediately on sight. Apparently, something about me signaled that I wasn't like them.

I worked so hard to get past that and get rid of all my issues that seem to flag me in people's minds as a freak (their words, not mine, but maybe I am one). People who meet me now have described me as caring, selfless, "too empathetic for my own good" (because that psychology knowledge made me real good as noticing things people don't even recognize in themselves), etc etc, and life has gone a lot smoother since I learned to blend in properly.

Now, in a sick twist of fate, I have to throw all of that to the side because its holding me back from understanding why I had to do all that extra work in the first place.

#mibingo #mibingo vent #aspd traits #aspd #aspd vent #therapy mention #low empathy #frustrated

[mental-illness-bingo]

I literally got diagnosed with ASPD a month ago and I am already exhausted of trying to educate ableists.

It's one thing to help destigmatize a disorder you only think you have, but it's a lot more emotional labor when you know the terrible things they're saying are aimed at you.

Might need to take a break on trying to educate ableists and just start blocking them for a while again. Idk.

#ableism #ableist #ableists #fuck ableists #ableist society #anti ableist #ableist people #ableist bullshit #stop being ableist #emotional labor #end stigma #aspd stigma #burnt out #burnout #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Ughhh I got a happy new notebook (that says "Find Joy in the Journey", it's v cute and I think that phrase is accurate for medical stuff), and had to write all of my potential PoTS symptoms in it and now I feel like a failure of a human being.

It just really sucks looking at all the different things that add up to "my body thinks standing should be illegal and is choosing to protest, vive la résistance".

#potsie #possibly pots #possible pots #pots #pots syndrome #potsawareness #pots awareness #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #symptom tracker #symptom notebook #symptoms #exhausted #chronically ill #chronic illness #zebra #medical zebra #diagnosis journey #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

The next DID eval appointment comes ever closer and I just... really hope this is the last one and we get a definitive answer as to if we are a DID system, and if not what exactly is the cause of our experience.

I do not know how I will emotionally handle if we need another one/waiting for results.

I mean, I'll get through it and all it won't get me to crisis points, but it will seriously emotionally exhaust me and I have already felt that way since we started this process. It's just really taxing on us.

#did stuff #did system #did osdd #actually did #did #osdd 1b #osdd 1a #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd #osddid #alters #tw diagnosis #cw medical #mibingo #mibingo vent #mibingo did

[mental-illness-bingo]

Make me your whore so I forget I was his before I was old enough to remember it.

#tw csa mention #csa tw #tw csa implied #tw csa #cw csa #cw csa mention #mibingo vent #mibingo

[mental-illness-bingo]

Which one of you fuckers did it first I wanna know which order to be pissed at you in.

Besides, I'm convinced that whichever one of you did it first left some sort of scent on me that told everyone I was already ruined so it was fair game.

#csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #tw csa implied #tw csa mention #tw csa #cw csa #cw csa mention #mibingo vent #mibingo

[mental-illness-bingo]

I have so little hope for this new med :( I have severe brain fog on Lamictal and, after sticking it out for as long as I could, it just isn't something I'm willing to tolerate anymore despite how well it does work for me.

The medication I am trying next is generic topamax and I am *not* hopeful with how everyone talks about it. I don't know how likely I am to be the exception.

I know that everyone processes meds differently, and I know that horror stories about negative side effects are inevitably going to be easy to find and bury positive stories because people are biased towards talking about negative experiences, but have no draw to talking about positive ones bc they just go about their life happy that it works.

I know all these things. Yet it is still scary to take a med nicknamed Dopamax. I have seen another med with a nickname like this - Side Effexor - cause everything ppl talk about and more in someone close to me.

I want a medication that helps enough that I feel more stable without sacrificing anything else. I wish that was easier to find. I am terrified at this point that maybe that isn't possible.

Edit: Oops the POTS was causing the brain fog I think praise Lamictal

#topamax #tw meds #tw doctor #tw medical #tw medication #tw doctors #tw psych meds #actually aspd #aspd vent #aspd feels #aspd meds #aspd tag #aspd #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Aaaaaaaaaaugh

The tests are scheduled. That is gonna be a looooong rough day, followed by an annoying ass week with a heart monitor on, followed by another appointment.

Some small, stupid part of me is holding out hope that these tests show it's some simple thing that they can easily fix and I'll get to be normal forever and live the life I wanted.

A larger, angrier, more jaded part of me wants that part to shut up and start accepting life as it is before I get my hopes up again.

I just want to be okay. I want to be told everything can be okay.

#pots tag #pots syndrome #potsawareness #pots awareness #potsie #possibly pots #pots #actually chronically ill #chronically ill #chronic illness #zebra #medical zebra #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Lamictal hate post it works so well but it is disgusting and it never wants to swallow right so I have to taste it and *every single day* I feel weird for like an hour and a half before I am supposed to take it.

Like this little bitch of a pill not only does all of that but it has the nerve to *work* really well so there is no justification to not take it.

I love how it makes me feel but it hurts me in the process.

(Tw dark humor, I am a relationship abuse victim)

I am in an abusive relationship with lamictal send help/joking

#lamictal #lamotrigine #lamictal hate post #tw dark humor #tw abuse mention #tw meds #tw medicine #tw medication #mood stabilizers #mood stabilizer #mibingo vent #mibingo

[mental-illness-bingo]

Well, this draft has been sitting since August 29th, 2022. I never ended up going. I couldn't. My partner was supposed to go with me and backed out last minute, and I was already terrified, so I just... never went. Now it's about time I make that appointment again (POTS is better assessed when it's warm so that your symptoms are exacerbated, and it takes a couple months to get an appointment) and I once again do not want to and am terrified. Yay.

The thought that this upcoming cardiologist/PoTS specialist might not lead to a diagnosis but instead a series of even more appointments with different types of doctors is enough to make me want to curl up in the corner and never come out again.

But I have to face the fact that the older I get the worse these symptoms are getting...

It was already so hard getting myself into a therapy schedule and getting my mental health on track... the idea of this turning into a neurologist, other dysautonomia specialists, or other types if it turns out to be worse than I think it is... it's just so hard. I don't want to go, but I need to.

I don't even know what I'm hoping for. PoTS has no cure, it's a chronic illness. If I have that... I'm doomed to feel like this forever. But I certainly don't want there being anything wrong with my heart; at least the chronic in chronic illness means you've got a chance for a long, if challenging, life.

And yeah MDD, ideation, and all that, sure but the point was a relatively quick, relatively painless way out... not this.

The only thing I can hope for while having reasonable expectations is some validation that I was right, everyone doesn't feel like this; I'm not just weak for not being able to force through it.

I tried so hard to ignore it, push through it, have a normal life and work a normal job and do normal things but the reality of my physical and mental health is that's not possible. I can't do it anymore.

There is a sad little kid's voice inside of me begging "don't make me go, I'm scared". Me too... how do I validate that fear without scaring the crap out of anyone I try to talk to about this?

The last thing they need is to worry. I am always fine, always, even in situations where no person in their right mind could be. That's who I am. They don't need to be scared just because I am. But that little voice is gonna keep crying and panicking until I somehow learn how to validate our fear all by myself. Fuck man...

#pots #possibly pots #pots awareness #potsawareness #potsie #pots syndrome #posturaltachycardiasyndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #medical zebra #tw doctors #tw medical #tw doctor #actually chronically ill #chronically ill #chronic illness #mibingo #mibingo vent

[mental-illness-bingo]

Y'all, please be proud of me; I just picked up 3 bags of trash out of the depression room (nearly all of it!!) and yesterday I did laundry and between today and yesterday I called like 3 or 4 important places and I am tired, but until a minute ago, I was so proud of myself.

But what's the first and only thing that gets said to me? And by the person who's been being absolutely awful to me trying to force me to clean no less?

"And yet there's so much trash everywhere."

I could literally start sobbing right now.

#don't rb #they might apologize in a few days #but I was not prepared for that #and it really fucking hurt #and destroyed any dopamine I got out of having done it #so now I don't know how or when or if I'll get the motivation to do it again #mibingo vent #mibingo