#my biggest criticism on both of them is that i just wish there was more reactability from the other companions :( like can we talk about the

[horrorvampirebatbite]

i understand why people wont go through the mountain pass to get to act 2, it is just... easier to get through the underdark that early on lmao but its probably my favourite segment of the whole game? i cant believe people avoid it entirely just bcuz of the difficulty. githyanki enemies are insane ofc but idk.. skill issue LOL

fr tho, it has such a beautiful setting, i really like the execution of the creche in the ruined monastary, all the signs of the gith invasion and how the blood of lathander questline going on in the bg of the main events tells part of its history its all soooo good. not to mention the actual story arc that segment of the game entails being again, one of my favourites and how it all ties to laezel and her personal questline, the growth she goes through and how it evokes her character, the emotional journey you go on with her its a lotttttttttttt idk i really like the mountain pass segment

from a setting and like, exploration, open world pov i think the underdark is more interesting objectively. but narrative wise and execution, i Personally think the mountain pass stuff is more memorable and hits a bit harder. which isnt to say i dont enjoy the underdark, that would be stupid, theyre both probably the strongest points of the game to me. i just Think i prefer the mountain pass

#my biggest criticism on both of them is that i just wish there was more reactability from the other companions :( like can we talk about the #mushrooms PLEASE but i guess by that time in act 1 youve sucked them dry of all interaction or something

[utilitycaster]

@notstinglesstoo replied to your post “The thing is, and I haven't gotten a chance to...”:

I saw someone not long ago say cr has always felt like a product to them vs D20 feeling organic and I protected my peace but I did want to ask them if they were brain dead

​Oh man I wanted to address this at length because I feel this. My posts have been centered, again, specifically on published journalists picking Daggerheart aprt critically and applauding themselves for doing so despite it being within a couple of hours of its release and therefore any analysis is necessarily going to be based on at best, a skim, when they just as frequently will claim D20 seasons/Kollok are flawless works of genius based on only a partial read, but man D20's got a fandom problem too. (and all of the following comes with the caveat of "I really enjoy D20, and Dropout, and while we're at it WBN and NADDPod which both are half D20 Intrepid Heroes cast, and think Brennan is a particularly brilliant GM, and also it's obvious that the D20 and CR casts are on great terms, and wish the fandom for D20 were more welcoming and enjoyable because I feel it wasn't like this when I first started watching, as a CR fan, in late 2019 and has since curdled into something really weird and bad.")

The first point is the obvious one: technically speaking these are both products. These are performers doing an art form; it is also a portion of how they make their money with which they can buy goods and services. Believing that art is inauthentic when the artist gets paid and acknowledges that is a thing that happens is a fucking libertarian position at best. Like cool, you think only people who are independently wealthy by other means can make art, because it's not real labor, my kid could paint that, etc etc.

The second point is also pretty obvious. I have pushed back pretty hard on the "uwu CR is just watching friends! it's like we're in their living room" mentality among the fandom, which has decreased, thankfully, but like...it did in fact start organically as a private home game, and they decided, when invited, to make it A Show For An Audience. D20 was created on purpose as a show for an audience. This doesn't make it bad or fake - reread the previous paragraph - but in terms of "this is an group of people who really played D&D in this world together even before the cameras were rolling," Critical Role literally is that, and D20 is not.

I think beyond that...my biggest issues with the D20 fandom are first, the level of discourse is abominable. The tag is almost always just shrieking praise and the most surface-level readings possible. I keep bringing up the "Capitalism is the BBEG" mug but it genuinely sums up so much of how I feel; people who want their existing beliefs fed to them as surface-level no-nuance takes. I mean capitalism is fucking terrible but I do not need every work I watch to have a character turn to the camera and say "capitalism is bad" to enjoy myself, and indeed it makes it harder due to the lack of subtlety and grace. For all D20 fans complain about how unhealthily parasocial CR fans can be (and some can be), I find that a lot of the most unhealthily parasocial "how dare they BETRAY my TRUST by having a ship I don't like or not speaking up about every single societal ill" ex-CR fans move over to D20 and then pull the exact same shit; it simply doesn't get called out. Every time D20 fans are like "we don't want to become the CR fandom" it's like "your toxic positivity and unhealthy parasocial behavior exceeds the HEIGHT of what I've seen in CR; the main difference is that CR started in 2015 when D&D was still shaking off the raging bigot dudebros and so in the early days it acquired more of those fans, whereas by the time D20 came around the landscape of who played D&D and watched Actual Play had shifted wildly, and you need to judge September 2018 D20 fans in parallel to September 2018 CR fans, not September 2015 CR fans."

I also feel, and I alluded to this in the post about journalism, and other people have said this better than I have, but the pedestal people have put D20 on does feel like a single...not even misstep, but just, difficult choice that doesn't capitulate to the loudest fans will bring a good chunk of that fandom crashing to the ground. And that includes the journalists. For all the fans of CR can still be obsessed with the cast to an unhealthy degree? The cast and company have put up pretty strong boundaries and have not budged. D20 hasn't, and I think the second they do - and I think it will be for their benefit as a company and a channel - a big chunk of their most vitriolic CR-hating portion of the fandom will viciously turn on them.

#notstinglesstoo #nonrebloggable bc god it's hell week for me i know i've been shooting off opinions bc that is how i blow off steam #but like. i can't have this break containment i got shit to do

[fairyofsilence]

RISING STAR | 1/7 | THAT’S THE INDUSTRY, BABY SERIES |

Pairing: Producer!Namjoon x Trainee!Reader

Warnings (there's important trigger warnings mentioned, read each one of them carefully and proceed with caution): +18, Yandere, grooming, age gap (reader is 19 while Namjoon is 31), cursing, extreme abuse of power, manipulation, reader has a bad relationship with her mother, self-deprecation, reader has a low self esteem, mentions of unhealthy diets, mentions of toxic beauty standards, both explicit and non explicit sexual scenes; oral sex (m and f reciving), fingering, spanking, protected sex, sex in the work place, loss of virginity, mentions of blood, slight dubcon (she agrees to have sex after he coaxes her into it), mentions of aftercare, mentions of sex, recording of sexual acts without a partner's knowledge, blackmail, forced relationships.

Summary: It's the opportunity of a lifetime, everything you have ever wished for has been presented to you on a silver platter, becoming the next rising star of the critically acclaimed producer Kim Namjoon was a dream come true.

Too bad you are to naive to confuse a nightmare for a blessing.

I don't agree nor condone any of the actions made by any of the characters throughout the story, I also do not belive that any of the members of BTS would act this way or have this type of behaviour, this story it's fiction and it's written with the sole purpose of entertainment.

Word count:  11.3 k

This is the first of seven parts for the That's the industry, baby series, you cand find my main masterlist here. The stories can be read as one shots, the stories just take place in the same universe.

Hello again! It’s been a while, believe me I know, and I also know I’ve been announcing this fic since practically a year now but get this: I’m a depressed college student who loves to procrastinate, but I shit you not tonight I said “fuck it” and finished this enitre fic in eight hours, this is extreamly unedited and I’m posting this at 6 a.m, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to edit this until June but until then please enjoy and let me know what you think! I created this series because I’ve always been shocked at the ammount of disgusting things the entertainment industry has try to hide from the general public, and this series will tackle most of that, withouth more introductions, here’s the first of them, enjoy!

EDITED ON 05/27/2023

You haven’t moved an inch since you’ve put your eyes on the board.

 You’re trembling, you can feel the air starting to leave your lungs, but you don’t seem able to take a breath because you feel like if you so much as blink, the announcement will disappear from the board, and it all just be an illusion.

 But it’s not an illusion, you’re actually looking at the announcement on the board right now, the letters are big, bright, and bold, and there’s no doubt that what you’re looking at now is your name next to the word “Congratulations.”

 “Congratulations Y/N Y/L/N, you won!

You’ve been chosen as Rkive records new rising star.

For more details, check the inbox on your email in which you’ve been send the instructions on what to do next.”

 All sound seemed to quiet down, you couldn’t hear a single thing except a striking white noise ringing on your ears, and although you can feel some of the trainees jumping around trying to congratulate you, you can’t seem to do anything right now, your body is paralyzed, your eyes fill up with tears and you feel as if your heart had gone all the way up to your throat.

 You’ve won, you’re finally going to debut, Kim Namjoon had chosen you.

 It feels surreal, you’ve been waiting for this moment, four years to be exact, and it has finally going to happen, your biggest dream was just a day away from becoming true, a small laugh leaves your mouth at the thought, you’ve made it, you finally made it happen.

 Reality comes back to you in the form of a hug, you realize the person who’s hugging you is Soowon, one of the newest trainees who, after you got her out of trouble with the singing coach, decided to attach herself to you and proclaim the two of you as best friends, she seems more excited than you right now, jumping around while trying to not break the hug, somehow you manage to wrap your arms around her, giving her a weird side hug, but she doesn’t seem to mind, in fact, she seems even more excited after you returned the hug.

 “You did it! I know you would win” She says after hugging me a little bit tighter “It was only a matter of time before this happened, you’ve been working so hard” You feel a tear rolling down your cheek after her words, you finally turn around to return the energy of the hug and while rubbing your back, she whispers onto your ear “I know you’ll be the biggest star of this company Y/N, I’ve known it since the day we met”

 You allow yourself to feel the praise and hugs from your fellow trainees because you know that once you step a foot inside of your apartment, you know that your biggest obstacle from you reaching your dreams is waiting for you inside, so just for a few more hours, you let yourself be happy, because you know that when she finds out about the news you received today, a light argument is the best thing you can’t expect.

Your mother is already at your apartment by the time you got home, and that was the first weird thing you noticed.

The second was that she made dinner, your mother never makes dinner, she always works until late in the night and you’ve survived on rice and instant ramen because of that, but tonight she seems to gone all out, there’s even meat at the table for god sake, and that’s how you know there’s only two reasons behind this happening; she was either fired or she got a new, better paying job, and you’ll be very surprised if it ends up being the latter.

 She has never been good at maintaining a job, and for someone who’s been poor her whole life, she doesn’t seem to understand that to maintain a job is to be quiet, the workers should never complain to their bosses, at least, that’s what you’ve learned during your time in the company.

 She notices your presence after you stand in the entrance for a while, then again, it’s not hard to do so, your apartment is not big enough for you to go unnoticed anyway, she turns off the stove and walks up to you with a smile, greeting you excitedly.

 “Hi sweetheart, sit down please, I’m just going to bring out some plates, okay?” You don’t say anything, but she doesn’t seem to mind the lack of response, turning away from you to grab two plates from the small kitchen cabinet while you set down your backpack and take a seat on the floor in front of the small table, your palms begin to sweat as you mentally prepare to tell your mother about the news, which you’re sure she won’t take kindly.

“How was your day? You usually come back earlier than this, I told you that this trainee stuff cannot interfere with school” And there she goes, you can even seat down in peace for five minutes before she starts listing all the stupid reasons why you should be a trainee, but today you won’t take any criticism from her, actually, today you’ll prove her just how wrong she’s been.

“It was great, I have good news actually” Your voice loses power for a bit, but you pull through it, your mother sits down and seems curious about the news for once.

“Yeah? What is it? You’re finally leaving that company for good? They’re the reason you got two years behind in school” Your eye twitches at her remark but you ignore her before dropping the bomb.

“No, it’s the opposite actually” Her eyebrows raise at that, and she looks at you expectantly before you say, “I’m signing my contract tomorrow, I’m going to debut soon.”

 The silence that follows after your words seems to last an eternity.

 Your mother puts her utensils down, she licks her lips and lets out a deep sigh after a few seconds, she doesn’t like this at all.

 “I was expecting good news” Her words feel like a dagger piercing right through your heart, but you maintain your posture, you can’t let her, and her hurtful words get to you.

“This is good news mom, don’t you understand? I wasn’t sign to a small company, Bangtan signed me, Kim Namjoon chose me” Your mother makes eye contact, and it makes you falter for a second, she always knows how to bring you down when you’re finally going up.

“Who put those ideas on your head? That Kim Namjoon that you always talk about?” Before you can even talk back she cuts you off before adding “Sweetheart, I thought you were smarter than this, when man want something, they’ll say anything to get you” You hate when she does this, when she makes you feel small, making you think you’re stupid without even listening to what you have to say, you hate her.

“First of all, I’m meeting him for the first time tomorrow, so no mother, he hasn’t been putting any ideas on me, and also, why are you acting so shocked at this? I’ve been training for years, you know that it was bound to happen, I’ve been working so hard for this moment to come and the only thing you can say is something negative, can you just say ‘congratulations’ at least? This is something important to me, can you at least pretend that you’re happy for me?” Your voice breaks by the end and instead of listening to your concerns, your mother decides to do what she does best; get defensive after you call her out.

“Why do you always just assume the worst of me darling? I’m just expressing my concern as your mother, is it wrong to be worried about who my daughter is going to be spending so much time with?” Her tone just manages to push you over the edge every time, you don’t even realize you’re crying until a teardrop land on your lap, you’re quick to wipe your tears before she gets the satisfaction of knowing she can affect you so much, you make eye contact with her before responding.

“Why can you just be happy for me mom?” You’re tired of arguing, but as usual, she doesn’t notice how you feel.

"I'm just worried about you, darling. You know that the career you want is risky. What if they change their minds and leave you without warning? What if you get injured before you even have a chance to perform? And what if they decide you're not good-looking enough after a few years? Have you thought about what you'll do then?" The venomous words spill out of her mouth so effortlessly that you're taken aback. Even your mother seems surprised by what she just said, but she doesn't backtrack or apologize. She only looks at you with a guilty expression, her eyes betraying her harsh tone. You let out a bitter chuckle before responding.

“You know what mom? I don’t think you’re worried” you say, your eyes fixed on your hands in your lap before voicing the thoughts that have been on your mind for a long time “I think you’re jealous” The silence in the room was so prominent you could hear a pin drop “I know you were young when you had me and I’m sorry I screwed up your life, but your misery is not my fault, I have to live my own life and make my own path, and being an idol is the path that I chose, so I’ll let things clear for you, you either accept my choices without any type of criticism or I’ll have to leave this place” You stand up and before she can respond, you leave her with this; “although, after signing my contract, I might just leave either way” with that, you make your way to your shared bedroom, not having the courage to say anything after your fight.

Later that night, you noticed your mother quietly slipping into bed, assuming you were already asleep. However, you struggled to find peace, tossing and turning as your thoughts continued to plague you. Every time you tried to close your eyes; you could only see the look on your mother's face after your confrontation. The night stretched on endlessly, and despite your efforts to find rest, sleep eluded you. The weight of guilt lay heavy on your heart, and you knew that the rift between you and your mother had only grown wider. Your once-fragile relationship now seemed completely shattered. However, you were resolute in your decision to pursue your career and follow your dreams. While the thought of losing your mother was painful, the thought of losing this opportunity would have been even worse. With this assurance, you finally managed to drift off into unconsciousness, with the hope that tomorrow you’ll be able to forget about the tough time you went through tonight.

You don’t think you’ve ever been more nervous than you are right now.

 You can feel the cold sweat forming on the crown of your forehead, your body feels like a quivering mass of jelly, the subtle trembles barely perceptible to anyone but you, a physical manifestation of your own nervousness, you’ll be biting your nails too if you could, but ever since receiving the most shocking news of your life you don’t think there’s anything left for you to bite off.

 Today, if everything goes according to plan, you’ll become the newest artist under Rkive’s music records, the most prestigious record label in the entire country, owned by one of the most acclaimed producers of the decade, and your own personal God, Kim Namjoon.

 As you step into Rkive's gleaming headquarters, the air is charged with an indescribable energy. You can practically feel the prestige of the company pulsing through the walls, and the faint sound of music drifting through the halls is enough to send shivers down your spine. You check your phone for the last time just to make sure you got everything down, the instructions they gave you were simple, but your anxiety makes you feel hyperaware of everything, taking a deep breath while closing your eyes you try to calm yourself down, chill the hell out, you say to yourself, you’re going to weird him out, granted, Namjoon might not be weirded out by you but he’ll definitely would think you aren’t ready for this and that’s not the case at all, you've worked so hard for this opportunity, and you won't let your anxiety get in the way now that you're so close to being signed, especially by someone like Namjoon, and given his reputation, being signed by him would be the ultimate validation of your hard work and talent.

 Kim Namjoon isn’t an easy man to impress, because not only has he worked with the biggest stars in the industry, but also, any music related award you can think of; he most likely already has won at least two of those, and if his experience wasn’t intimidating enough, his unwavering commitment to achieving perfection on every aspect of his music is both impressive and intimidating, commanding respect from those around him, and you definitely respect him, in fact, there's no one in the world that you look up more than Namjoon, you want to impress him, make him remember who you are, make him wish he had discover you sooner, you want your idol to want you as desperately as you want him, and you won’t leave this building until you accomplish that.

 As you approach the front desk, the receptionist glances up at you with raised eyebrows, silently urging you to speak. Though her harsh glare could be intimidating, you're determined to stay focused on the reason you’re here. You won't let her nasty glare affect you, not even a little bit.

 You take a deep breath and greet her politely, "Hi." Even though she might be looking down on you, you refuse to be rude. You state your business clearly, "My name is Y/N, and I have a meeting with Mr. Kim Namjoon today in his studio."

At the mention of his name, her glare softens up a bit, but still looks annoyed, with a monotone voice, she says “Wait for just a second please” before reaching for the telephone on the desk, it’s only a matter of seconds after calling when the other line picks up, they exchange a couple of words that you can’t decipher and after she hangs up, she looks back at you with a fake smile before standing up, she speaks with a more cheerful tone this time “Mr. Kim’s assistant is coming down to escort you to his studio, please wait for a moment, you’re welcome to sit down in the lounge as you wait” the receptionist points at the small waiting lounge that’s right in front of the elevators, you whisper her a small thank you before making your way over there, sitting down on the individual sleek black leather couch, impatiently waiting for his assistant to come out of one the elevators.

After sitting there for just a few minutes, you begin to feel very out of place, everything in this building looks, feels, and even smells expensive, and somehow here you are, a nameless trainee with second hand bought clothes, with the smallest, cheapest purse which you keep holding on tightly into your lap, shrinking into yourself more each minute that passes by.

You’ve never had a high self-esteem, but it seems the small bit of confidence you’ve had has disappear after knowing that you’ve won the contest and you will be meeting Kim Namjoon in person, you’re scared, your mind tormenting you with all the “what if?” questions, what if he decides you’re not actually the one?, what if he thinks you’re not good enough?

 What if?, what if?, what if?

 Before you can think about any more ways on how this whole thing could go wrong, the small ding sound of the elevator pulls you away from your thoughts, you’re quick to stand up and soon after that, a short, petite woman steps out of the elevator, her eyes find you quickly after coming out and a small smile appears on her face as she approaches you, clutching a clipboard on her hands.

 “Hi!” Her cheerful tone catches you by surprise, but you smile nevertheless “You’re Y/N right?” you answer her with a small nod, which she ends up mimicking before talking again “I’m Sohee, I’m Namjoon’s assistant, do you have everything we asked you to bring?” you respond with a small ‘yes’ before making a gesture towards your bag, she nods again before signaling the elevator “Follow me please, I’ll take you to his studio so you can talk for a bit before signing” You’re quick to follow her request by stepping into the elevator next to her, she presses the button of the 14th floor and you both wait until the doors close and the elevator starts running, Sohee turns to you and smiles before asking “Nervous?” You let out a small laugh before answering.

“Very, I can’t believe this is happening right now” Your palms begin to sweat, and she laughs as you wipe your hands on your pants, you decide to redirect the conversation towards her “So, how long have you’ve been working for him?” Sohee’s eyes widen up a little bit after your question, she seems genuinely surprised by your interest, but she answers either way.

“Three years next month, my best friend got me this job actually, it’s sort of a long story but to keep things short, she works with Kim Taehyung, he told her about Namjoon needing an assistant and that’s how I landed here” She speaks very fast and you have a hard time catching what she’s saying, but before you can respond, the elevator comes to a stop and the doors begin to open, you’re welcomed by a similar lounge than the one in the reception, only that this lounge had a large plaque that read “Rkive Music Records” in a beautiful gold color, the letters engraved in a pitch-black tone, if you though the lobby looked expensive, Namjoon’s floor was a whole different level.

 “Follow me please, I’ll lead you to his office, he’s already waiting for you” Her words make you shiver, you can’t believe it’s finally happening, the excitement is making your legs shake and you can barely breath as you make your way through the long hallway, passing the small reception desk and several doors of what you can assume are different studios.

 Sohee comes an abrupt stop, causing you to hold your breath until she turns to look at you and with a bright smile, she gestures the door right in front of you, which holds a sleek, platinum plaque with Kim Namjoon’s name engraved on it, you gulp and letting out a deep sigh, she says “This is it, good luck!” She holds up two thumbs and you let a nervous laugh at her antics, she leaves quietly and just like that you’re left on your own, with a shaky hand, you reach to know on the studio’s door, you only have to wait for a couple of seconds, but you’re anxiety is making it seem like time going slower than it actually is, you’re beginning to lose your mind until finally, the door handle turns and you’re face to face with the person you’ve never thought you’ll ever see this close, Kim Namjoon stands right in front of you, with a big smile on his face, his dimples only making him look even more attractive, his dark hair is pulled back and he’s wearing all black, he looks hot and he knows it, that’s what makes him more dangerous, it seems like an eternity before he opens his mouth and says, “Well hello there” His deep voice makes you even more nervous, “You must be Y/N, please, come in” Granted, he chose you as the winner of the contest, he must know your name, it’s logical, but your inner fan cannot believe your idol just said your name so casually, you compose yourself before you answer him with an enthusiastic nod, not forgetting to bow before anything, Namjoon let’s out a chuckle before leaning against the wall to make room for you to walk in, you’re quick to follow, entering his studio while a timid “Thank you” leaves your lips.

 The first thing you notice about his studio is how big it is, you had expected nothing less than this, giving that he’s the owner of this record label, but it still doesn’t make it any less shocking, you almost feel ashamed of the fact that his studio seems to be bigger than your shared apartment with your mom. When you first walk in, there’s a small hallway that leads you to the main part of his studio, but instead of a wall, there’s a huge glass to showcase his biggest accomplishments, his awards are perfectly lined up in multiple shelves and there’s some of his biggest songs displayed with as either platinum or gold records, some of the movies he has produced the soundtrack of are also displayed by a frame with the poster on it, you don’t realize you stopped following him until he reached out to tap you in the shoulder, you turned to look at him and you found him with a teasing smirk on his face, you give him a shy smile in return.

 “Sorry, I was just admiring everything" Your face feels hot, and he lets out a deep chuckle that makes you shiver, his presence alone makes you nervous, and having him smiling and talking to you with that deep voice of his was making you crazy.

"Don't worry, it’s a bit overwhelming isn’t it?” You nod and Namjoon imitates the action “Hobi says that all the time when he comes by” The casual mention of such a huge star makes your eyes go wide and it doesn’t go unnoticed by him, he smiles widely and you could swear he mouthed the word cute, but you couldn’t tell if you were just imagining things or if it actually happened, so you only smiled and continued to follow him through the hallway.

 And if you thought the hallway was something, you weren’t prepared to see his actual studio, in fact, you couldn’t even process your surroundings because Namjoon put his right hand on your lower back, a weird feeling washed all over you but noticing he was guiding you to a small sofa, you turned to look at him and he only gestured with his other hand for you to take a seat, suddenly, your nerves made you feel silly, of course he was just being nice, you were just paranoid.

 “Please take a seat and get comfortable, it’s going to be a pretty long session” Namjoon chuckles after that and you let out an awkward laugh.

 His studio was so intimidating, you couldn't even sit down in peace without thinking you'll probably break something that cost more than your apartment, sensing your nervousness, Namjoon puts his hand on your shoulders while giving you a reassuring smile.

 "Don’t panic, everything's going well" You give him a small nod, and he turns his back after you finally seem to catch your breath, walking towards what seems to be a mini fridge "Would you like something to drink? I have water, some energy drinks" Namjoon pauses and looks up at you with a teasing smile, his dimples full on display, this man would be the death for you "I have beer as well, if you can handle it" He raises an eyebrow and it makes you giggle, Namjoon seems to love your reaction, but he waits patiently for your answer, you compose yourself and finally give him an answer.

“Water is fine, thank you” Your voice is barely audible, but you don’t stutter so you consider that a win, Namjoon nods and pulls two water bottles from the mini fridge, and makes his way to his chair after closing the door.

“So, let’s start talking business, shall we?” Namjoon says after handing you the bottle and sitting down in a chair, the only thing between you and him being the small coffee table where a leather folder lays over it, as well as two fancy looking pens.

“Okay” You agree, and Namjoon’s aura seems to take a shift, exuding power and knowledge, two things you very much lack off.

“So, I’m assuming that you read the contract when you entered the contest, right?” His gaze is so intense it makes you grip on the edge of your skirt tightly, responding with a nod because you know that your voice will give out if you try to speak right now, Namjoon takes your answer before continuing, “Basically, the contract says that we’re making an EP, you will be making all types of promotions and you will be making a music video for the main track, I have some songs ready and while I personally think the artist should have an input on the songs, we were given only two months to deliver a full EP, so as soon as you sign we’ll begin to work, okay?” Your enthusiastic nod makes him smile “Perfect, do you have any concerns about the contract? You should ask questions before signing, you know?” That makes you genuinely laugh, and Namjoon seems happy he has eased your mood a little.

“The contract is only for an EP, right?” Your tone is a bit steadier and Namjoon nods before explaining.

“Yes, but I’m sure your EP will be a success, which means a more permanent contract” Namjoon can sense you tensing up at the probability, so he surprisingly, reaches out to squeeze your thigh before adding “Someone as talented as you shouldn’t be worried about that, your debut will go better than you expect, I’ll make sure of that” His words feel like a soft blanket, providing comfort to your worries, the current position of his hand makes you nervous, but you pay it no mind as you nod and smile, Namjoon is just being friendly, there’s nothing to be scared about.

“So, what about management? Who is going to be my manager?” Your question makes him smile and you’re shocked to the core when his index finger rises up to point at himself, there’s no fucking way “But Mr. Kim, you’ve never- “Namjoon cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

“There’s a first time for everything, right?” You’re speechless and Namjoon takes your silence as a cue to keep talking, “You know, when I saw your audition, I was starstruck, I even got mad at the management because how in the fuck have they kept you training for so long? Such a talented person deserves to be seen by the whole world” His dragon shaped eyes look directly into yours and you’re left breathless by his praise, hearing those words coming from his mouth seemed unreal “I wanted to be in control of your debut because while this people might have underappreciated your talent, I saw your potential right from the start” His praise makes you feel dizzy and you can’t believe what’s happening right now, you can barely register him reaching out for one of the pens at the table, putting in one of your palms before he asks “What do you think then, would you give me the chance to make you the star you’re meant to be?” You almost feel hypnotized, slowly nodding your head while gripping the expensive pen on your hand, Namjoon’s smile almost seems to shine as he hands you the leather folder containing the contract, you read quickly through the pages before reaching the final one, where your name is beneath a long line, waiting only for your signature, because Namjoon had already signed this.

 With a trembling hand and with a deep sigh, you put the folder on your lap and click on the small button on the pen, you only pause for a second before signing the contract, you’re still in the clouds even after looking at your signature on the strikingly white paper, you lift your head only to see Namjoon looking at you with mischief written all over his face, his eyes seem to hide something you can’t quite decipher, but he soon opens his mind to let you know exactly what his thoughts are.

 “Don’t worry darling, I’ll make sure you become the biggest star this company has ever seen.”

 You knew that becoming an artist was never going to be an easy job, but the amount of times you’ve stayed working late this week alone was ridiculous, turns out, the rumors about Namjoon’s work ethic were true, his perfectionism was driving you insane, the amount of times he had asked you to start a song all over again because he wasn’t a ‘100% sure’ if he like the way you sounded almost made you bang your head against the recording booth wall, but you didn’t, you stayed put, only smiling and responding by putting your thumbs up until he gave you the sign to get ready to start recording again. You sang until your throat became sore, you danced until you stopped feeling your limbs, the fatigue was quickly catching up to you and everything started to pile up fast, you needed to memorize all lyrics and choreographies in less than two months without mentioning all the physical changes the agency was demanding from you, your mother’s words ringing loudly through your ears every time you were reminded to not eat until you were done for the day and even then, your single daily meal would barely make you feel full, you had to control your hunger by eating a small bowl of ice cubes and drinking water.

 You were in the verge of a breakdown when one night after your first month of working together, Namjoon had finally told you that you did great and that you could come out to join him while he worked, you were so caught up with singing your heart out that you didn’t realized that Namjoon had ordered dinner for the two of you, you thanked him by giving him a small bow and a tired smile, he only gestured her to sit down and to eat, and you did exactly that, pulling your chair closer to him before sitting down, to which you could see from the corner of your eye that he smirk at your actions.

 “I didn’t ask for what you liked but I supposed that you can’t go wrong with McDonald’s” Namjoon said while putting his earphones down to his neck and grabbing his own dinner, you made a hand gesture to let him know that it’s fine, McDonald’s right now seems like heaven to your starved stomach.

“It’s okay, you shouldn't worry about me, I would’ve eaten something at home” You dig into some fries and Namjoon sends you a look you can’t quite comprehend.

“Nonsense, how can I not worry about you? Don’t think I haven’t noticed about the stupid diets the company is forcing you to do” You freeze at his words and Namjoon lets out a deep sigh before adding “You should’ve told me before; I would’ve done something earlier” His concern makes you feel guilty, so you try to make excuses to make him (and yourself) feel better.

“They’re just making sure I look good before the filming starts, I have to look my best before debuting, you know that” You can’t even look at him while you’re talking, you don’t know if it’s your shitty diet or Namjoon’s words that make you lose your appetite, but he wasn’t content with your answer, pulling his chair even closer to you, forcing you to finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight.

“It’s bullshit, you already look perfect to me” His words make your heart jump “And besides, if you don’t eat well, you won’t have enough energy for the live performances, so you better start eating good after today, you got that?” You haven’t even noticed than Namjoon’s hand has made it’s way to one of your thighs, whilst your knees were faintly brushing against his, his sudden closeness catches you off guard, but you make no effort to separate yourself from him.

 During this past month, you have started to catch up on some patterns, patterns that make you feel somewhat uneasy, because while you know it might just be your imagination, you can’t help but to realize how isolated you’ve become after you started to work on your EP, you haven’t spoken to any of your fellow trainee friends because, according to Namjoon, they might be jealous of your upcoming debut so you must focus on yourself right now, which is a fancier way of telling you to not speak to them, besides that, the only interactions you get outside of the building is with your mother, which, after your fight, your relationship with her now consisted on greeting each other at night and leaving the apartment before either one of you woke up, and while you talked with Sohee every now and then, the only constant human interaction you had for the past month has been with Namjoon, and while your silly crush on him remains very much alive, you can’t help but to feel like something isn’t right, his lingering touches make you jump every time it happens, and some of the things he says makes you feel uncomfortable, but you’ve blame it all on your nerves, the deadlines are approaching too fast and Namjoon is only trying to make things easier for you, it makes you feel ungrateful to doubt on him like this but you can’t help it, he’s a man with too much power and you think it’s only natural for someone in your position to feel like this.

 You brush off your inner dilemma when Namjoon asks you if you want to listen to your last recording, passing you a pair of headphones and waiting until you’ve put them before playing it, you’re soon welcomed by the perfect instrumental before hearing your voice through the headphones, no matter how many times you’ve done this by now, listening to your own voice feels just as exciting as the first time, the unfinished song quickly comes to an end, you and Namjoon continue to talk about minor details until you pause the conversation to drink some water, your focus on the large screen on Namjoon’s mixing table makes you unaware of the intense stare he has set on you.

 “Do you have a boyfriend?” Namjoon’s unexpected question takes you by surprise, and stare at the screen in shock before you can answer him.

“What?” You let an awkward laugh out as you look in his direction, his expression being unable to read. Your brain still can't comprehend a reasoning behind his question or why he would be interested in such meaningless matters, but he was your boss now, and you didn’t want to make him mad at you just because you felt a little uncomfortable by his question, so you responded “I don’t have a boyfriend, I never had one actually” You’re anxious and that makes you share more information than what he has asked for, however, he seems to take this information as if it was exactly what he needed to know, he leans back in his chair and gives you a teasing smile after your confession.

“Now that I can’t believe it” You're about to protest in your defense but he finishes what he wanted to say before you get a single word out of your mouth “A beautiful girl like you has never had a boyfriend? That just can’t be true” His smile grows bigger as you get more flustered by his compliments, his hand reaches out towards your hair and tucks the loose strand that covered one side of your face, caressing your cheek with his long fingers as you lean into his touch, welcoming his soft touch after longing for it for what felt like an eternity "I'm convinced now that boys your age simply cannot see a real women even if it’s right in front of them” Namjoon seems to thrive on the effect he has caused in you after you let out a shy giggle at his words, how does he always know what’s the right thing to say?, you feel so giddy inside you feel like you might burst with how happy you felt after hearing those words come out of his lips, did Namjoon really see you as a woman? You simply cannot believe it, a man like him would never set his sight on such a meaningless, young, and stupid girl like you, no, a man like him needed a mature and sophisticated woman who matched his good looks and graceful nature.

“You don’t mean that” Your lack of confidence makes you take distance from him by standing up and trying to walk away from him, but Namjoon seemed to have different plans.

 You gasped loudly as he spined you around before picking you up so easily and placing you over his mixing table, it was a little uncomfortable giving that you were sitting over so many buttons, but right now that didn't bother you in the slightest, especially now that his mouth has quickly found it’s way on yours, the two of you sharing a such a messy kiss that will make you feel ashamed if you were on your right mind, he bites your bottom lip and you let out a small whimper at his actions, Namjoon separates from you only after your lips are red and swollen,  you’re too far gone to notice him parting your legs open with his large hands, looking at you dead in the eyes as he slowly sinks down on his knees and you could help but to stare at him in shock.

 Kim Namjoon, the man who’s technically your boss and the man you have fantasized about for years, is getting down on his knees to pleasure you.

 "Namjoon, what are you.." He raises a single finger motioning you to be quiet and you quickly follow his command, he keeps looking at you as his hands make their way to your ass, gripping it tightly as you let out a soundless gasp.

"Don't you want it baby? I see the way you look at me" His deep voice lures you, his experience showing through on how easily he got you longing for more, his eyes leave yours as he starts kissing up from your knee to your inner thigh, giving you  goosebumps all over "Your pretty eyes light up whenever you see me, it drives me crazy, I can’t hold myself back any longer" He's the one that’s driving you crazy, touching you in ways no one ever has, making you feel desired, willing to give you all the pleasure you can take "Let me do this beautiful, let me taste that pretty pussy of yours" His crude words make you moan as his mouth gets closer to your cunt, you can't this anymore, you need him, as his hands start to grip your underwear, you softly grip his hair and make him look up at you, the sight of him is sinful, messy hair, his dragon eyes filled with lust and his beautiful lips are swollen after the kiss you shared, you need him so bad, you cradled his face in your hands as you speak.

"I just-I've never" You're so desperate for him you can't even form a proper sentence, he chuckles darkly and starts to pull at your underwear, the action making you even more anxious, and without thinking straight, you spit out the truth behind your nervousness "I'm a virgin" His antics stop and his eyes gleam with mischief, although he stopped his movements, his hands didn't move from their position.

"Do you want me to stop then? I would understand if you wanted to, but…" He takes a deep breath while he buries his face onto your inner thigh, you run your fingers through his hair before he speaks again "I really want to eat you out" Namjoon's word send a wave of shivers down your spine and while you’re scared shitless, you don't really feel like it's the right decision to deny a men like him the opportunity to pleasure a little nobody like yourself.

"I want that too" You whisper loud enough for him to hear and the dimples that appeared after you said that made you think that it was completely worth it to ignore your fears.

“I’ll be taking this off then” Namjoon’s deep voice gives you goosebumps as he pulls down your underwear, slowly dragging them down your legs until they hit your ankles, taking them off completely after that.

 You’re shaking and he hasn’t even done anything yet.

 His hands continue to brush up and down your hips, before making its way to the back of your thighs, gripping them tightly, opening your legs just a tiny bit more before starting to kiss on your inner thighs, your hands instantly reaching out to his hair, gripping it tightly at the roots, Namjoon lets out a deep groan that makes you shiver, his touch becomes rougher after your antics, bruising the inside of your thighs as his tongue lapped on your clit, you couldn’t recognize the sound that came out of your mouth, you’re moans becoming louder as his lips latch onto your clit, you can feel his fingers starting to tease your entrance, collecting your slick before pushing a single finger inside, he continues to make out with your cunt before easing a second finger inside you, and your brain stops working as soon as he easily finds your sensitive spot, pushing his fingers in and out quickly, making your eyes closing harshly and your thighs trap him as you let out a scream before coming on his tongue, your legs shaking as he greedily laps your orgasm, he doesn’t stop until you whimper in pain and pull at his hair trying to separate his mouth from you, Namjoon looks sinful with his lips glistening with your slick, you can’t help but moan as you look at him, his hands make their way to your neck and he harshly pulls you into a kiss, it’s so messy and you’re loving it, your small hands caress his back and after a while Namjoon ends the kiss while brushing your hair with his fingers, looking into your eyes before smiling.

 “You’re such a good girl baby, cumming into my tongue like that” His words make you blush, you’re face gets warmer and he laughs at your reaction “Don’t be shy now baby, not after you screamed my name like that” You hide your face into his chest from the embarrassment, and Namjoon continues to laugh as he embraces you in a tight hug.

This only last for a couple of minutes before he turns his head towards you, his mouth being dangerously close to your ear before whispering; “You know, good girls also return the favor” His words make you gulp and you know that it’s only fair what he’s asking for, hell, if it was any other man, he probably would’ve expected you to get on your knees without giving anything in return, and besides, you’re truly wondering how does Kim Namjoon taste like.

“I’ve never done it before” The deep groan that leaves his lips makes you tremble; he gives you a small kiss before smiling down at you.

“Don’t worry darling, I’ll be guiding you ok?” You nod before standing up while holding hands with him, Namjoon takes a step back before sitting down on his chair and the look on his face makes your legs feel like jelly, with a low, deep voice, he commands “Get on your knees for me baby.”

Taking a step forward so your body fits inside his open legs, you slowly sink down onto your knees, Namjoon lazily motions at his crotch before saying “Go on then, pull my cock out.”

 Your nerves make your hands shake as you reach for his belt, unbuckling him with minimal effort was well as unbuttoning his pants with ease, Namjoon seems desperate with the way he’s helping you by dragging his pants mid down his thighs, his hard cock hitting his lower stomach, making your mouth water at the sinful sight, Namjoon smiles at your reaction “Take it with your hands baby, c’mon” your small hand reaches out to touch him and Namjoon lets out a hiss before adding; “Suck on my tip baby”.

 Gradually, with Namjoon’s help you soon started to set a slow peace, making him lose his mind at the sight.

 Your pretty young self on your knees, mouth full of his cock, gagging all over him making him go feral, he doesn't know why he's losing his mind this bad, truthfully, this isn't the best blowjob he's ever had, but it's the fact that it's your first time doing this, making him the only men who's ever gotten to see you like this makes his hips buckle into your mouth making you gag even louder, and he can't help but to let out a deep groan while gripping your hair even tighter. He must completely ruin you now, he needs to mark you so that every man knows who’s doing this to you, that you did everything you could to please him and him only, that you belong to him, forever.

 Your lazy blowjob only last for a couple more minutes before Namjoon decides he’s had enough, with a single pull of your hair, he forces you to separate your mouth from his cock, a trail of saliva connecting you to his tip, Namjoon has never seen something so hot in his life.

 You look up to him expectantly, and you can only let a small yelp after his strong arms push you up until your standing onto your shaky legs.

 He roughly bends you over his mixing table, his equipment making you feel slightly uncomfortable giving the position he had chosen but you stay put, not wanting to disappoint him, he coos at you for being so obedient and quietly apologizes is he has hurt you, you appreciate his concern and decide to wiggle your hips at him in anticipation, Namjoon laughs and spanks your ass, making you squeal and jump at the unexpected action, you feel him leaving his position behind you, you try to look for him without leaving the position he has put you in and you find him looking through one of his drawers, he's probably looking for a condom, you thought, and your suspicions turn to be correct, the platinum package shining under his studio lights, you can feel the anticipation running through your veins, you're about to have sex for the first time with none other than Kim Namjoon, you were one lucky bitch.

 While you feel excited, you're also anxious, what if he's not satisfied with what you have to offer? How can you compete with the types of women that have been like this with him? What if you're not enough for him?

 You're panicking and Namjoon only notices after taking a condom out of the box, he walks up at you and quickly wraps his arms around your waist and begins to shush you after your breathing starts to rapidly increase.

 "Relax baby, I'm not doing anything you don't want me to" He whispers into your hair and then gives you several pecks, his actions relaxing you only briefly before you start panicking again.

"I just… What if you don't like me afterwards?" You whisper pitifully while a single tear rolls down your cheek, Namjoon holds you even tighter after that.

"Oh baby, I feel like it's the opposite" His arms lift you enough so that he can kiss your cheek, helping you clear your negative headspace for a bit "I don't think having you just once it's going to be enough for me" You turn your head to look at him just to find him already staring at you, with one look you could tell that he means what he said, and that it's what makes you give in, you nod your head a couple of times and bend over the mixing table again, taking a deep breath and clutching at the border of his keyboard, you gain the courage to ask for what you want.

"Take me Namjoon, I want to be yours" You try to sound as sensual as you can but you don't think it worked giving how much your voice was trembling, but Namjoon savored each word that you just said, silly girl, of course you'll do anything to please him, and now that he knows he's going to be the first man to claim you, he's sure now that he won't let any other man taint you the same way he's going to.

 Coating his fingers with the remains of your previous orgasm, he starts by stretching you by inserting a single finger inside, your walls almost instantly gripping his finger tight  as you let out a loud moan, look at yourself, being such a good whore for him, he's going to reward you for being so good for him but right now the only thing on his mind is fucking you, so he quickly sets up his peace and starts to finger you, adding another finger inside and having his palm rub directly onto your clit, knowing that with your inexperience, this would probably be enough for you to cum once more.

 You couldn't even try to hold in your screams, everything felt like it was too much but also felt like it wasn't enough, you couldn't understand if you needed him to stop or to go even faster, his long fingers pumping into you and reaching all the right places, making you moan and close your eyes in pleasure, at this point you didn't even know your own name, the only thing you knew is that when he plugged a third finger inside of you, you were not going to last any longer.

 "Oh god! Namjoon, please-I, please" You couldn't even form a sentence, you wanted to tell him how desperate you were to cum, yet words came out of your mouth like a bunch of gibberish, you reach out to grip his arm and Namjoon was thrilled watching you struggle, the effect he has on you it's almost comical to him.

"It's alright baby, I know what you're trying to say," His other hand reaches out to roughly grab onto your breast and you're right there, needing that extra push to finally let go, and his next words are the push that make you climax "Cum on my fingers like the good girl I know you are".

 You felt like your soul left your body, if the first orgasm felt good, this one was heavenly, waves of pleasure rolling through your body in ways you couldn't describe, Namjoon stops his ministration but doesn't pull his fingers out, relishing how your release is coating his fingers as you're panting for air, he delivers a series of kisses into the back of your neck and lets you take several breaths before letting go of your body for a brief moment, you're about to ask him why he's pulling away but then you hear the sound of his pants drop into the floor, he rubs your lower back as he reaches for the condom, you look over your shoulder to find him ripping the package open and when noticing you having your eyes on him, he smirks as he rolls up the condom onto his length, you gulp as you're reminded that everything about Namjoon is huge, he doesn't take his eyes off of you as he finally positions himself behind you and rubs your hips as a form of reassurance, you smile at him and try to lift your hips a bit more, slightly rubbing your cunt against his cock, Namjoon hisses and spanks your ass after that, you let out whimper and his hands grip onto your hips.

 "Dirty girl, I'm trying to be nice to you and here you are, rubbing yourself all over me” His hand rubs your ass as he drags his cock up and down your opening, teasing you as he barely pushes in before backing out, repeating the action until he finally pushes in, filling you to the hilt, you whimper at the unfamiliar feeling and Namjoon shushes you at the sound “Sorry baby, does it hurt too much?” His voice flatters and you think he’s also having a tough time by containing himself like this, his struggle making you feel better.

“Doesn’t hurt, just feels weird” You weren’t lying, while Namjoon was on the bigger side, you were also wet enough and stretched for him, you only needed a couple of minutes before saying “You can move now.”

 It only took him a moment before grabbing your hips tightly and started to rapidly thrust into you, his actions making you grip the table for dear life as his movements quickly became all too much, with each snap of his hips, your body sunk into too a much deeper pleasure, your breast starting to bounce at the same time his hips slammed into your ass, you couldn’t control the screams that left your mouth with all the pleasure you were experiencing now.

 “Namjoon, fuck-baby” You don’t even understand what you’re saying, especially as Namjoon’s hands leave your hips as one of them reaches out for your throat and the other one reaches out for your clit, his fingers making fast circular motions that make you grip on his wrist, you have no force left to stop him from overstimulating you, you’re forced to take everything he gives you.

“It’s alright my love, cum for me, cum on my cock like the dirty slut you are” His degrading words only make you wetter, your legs shake and your body spams uncontrollably as you cum, your tight walls making it impossible to Namjoon to hold his own orgasm in, he comes hard clutches you tightly into his arms, slowly thrusting into you until his cock turns soft, only then he pulls out from you.

He looks down only to be greeted by the sight of your wet cunt, both of your thighs covered in a deep crimson shade, Namjoon chuckles darkly at this, he takes out the condom and discards it into the trash can before taking you in his arms, bringing you to lay down on his large dark sofa with him, you’re too far gone to notice his sinister smile as he looks into the top right corner of his studio, where the faint sight of a red blinking dot can be seen only for those who look for it, and Namjoon knew exactly where to look.

 He was after all, the person that set it right there.

The first time you stepped into the Bangtan building, you expected to be stared at, nobody knew who you were and being a stranger to them you couldn’t expect them to not be curious about you, plus, the stares started decreasing after they found out who you were and why you were there all of the sudden, but right now, the back of your head was burning with the amount of people looking shamelessly at you, and it wasn’t just the fact they were all staring, it was the fact that their looks were full of hatred, they were looking down at you and you don’t have a single clue of why would they do that, you’ve never been mean to any of the staff, you start to overthink in the middle of the hallway before you realize the reason why they could be staring, shit, do they know what happened last night between you and Namjoon? No, you quickly say to yourself, that’s impossible, no one else was in the floor when you and Namjoon got out of the studio until late hours of the night, he took you to his house, where you repeated what you did in his studio all over again in the late night, and in the early morning as well, but there still isn’t an explanation on why everyone had suddenly turned on you like this.

 For the last month, walking into Namjoon’s studio always felt like you were coming into the place you belonged, a safe space where you could be free and be yourself around him, but today, it felt like you were walking into your death sentence, you didn’t want to believe everyone found out because of last night, that couldn’t be true, right? Maybe Namjoon told Sohee that you were together now, and she probably spread the word around the label, right? Namjoon would never betray your trust like this, right?

 Wrong.

 You don’t find Namjoon in his studio, instead, you find a laptop on top of his mixing table, the screen is turned off but the sound it’s making and the turn on button being lit up tells you that it’s on, you take a seat in your usual chair but the sticky note over the screen makes you want to snoop in a little bit.

 “Here you go Hyung, and don’t worry about anything, it looks and sounds amazing ;)” What could it be? Namjoon didn’t say anything about working on anything else besides your EP, and he also said he wasn’t compromised with any projects right now, so you doubted this was about work, what could this be?, the curiosity got the best of you, so you move your fingers around the touchpad until the screen lit up.

 You didn’t want to look into his stuff without permission, but you were so curious about what this could be. The screen showed a video player with no thumb nail on it, so you pressed play and waited for the video to show.

 How badly you wish you didn’t do it.

The first thing you hear is a moan, your moan, it’s loud and it’s filthy, your eyes fill with tears as you realize what’s going on.

 It’s a video from last night, and not only does the video show everything that happened last night, but your face is also very visible, the quality doesn’t let it up to speculation.

 Namjoon recorded you having sex with him, and he made sure your face was visible on the entire video.

 You’re too horrified watching the video play to notice the presence of that man behind you, you only notice after him getting close enough to catch his shadow onto the screen.

 “Namjoon, what is this?” You could barely speak, air seemed to abandon your lungs after what you just watched, the most vulnerable and intimate moment in your life, captured on video like it meant nothing. You turn around to face him while Namjoon keeps a neutral expression despite your distress, the man you’ve come to know, and love was nowhere to be found, in his place was this mean and coldhearted man who doesn’t seem to realize how much he’s hurting you.

“What do you mean darling?” You don’t even realize you’re standing up and he’s in front of you now, his tone being so condescending that it makes you feel disgusted, he traps you into his arms and forced you to look at him in the eyes by harshly gripping your chin up, his mocking smirk breaking your heart when you realize that he doesn’t want to comfort you like he has done so many times before, right now, Namjoon is making fun of you “Don’t you like it? Because personally I loved it, it really captured how well you took me last night, how you were a good little slut just for me” A heart wrenching sob left your mouth and Namjoon tsk at you while shaking his head, his evil smirk doesn’t leave his face for a second “What’s the matter baby? You don’t like me calling you a slut? You didn’t seem to mind that nickname last night” He has the audacity to laugh at you and instinctively you begin to weakly try to break free from his hold, tears streaming down your face.

“How could you do this to me?! Fuck you!” Each time you try to get out of Namjoon’s tight hold and run as far as you could from him, his grip only became tighter, so tight that it started to hurt, you let out a pained whimper, but Namjoon didn’t seem to care at all, gripping your chin even harsher this time.

“And where do you think you’re going baby, huh?” You can’t stand his fucking tone anymore, you need to get out of here, now.

“You won’t get away with this, I’m going to tell everyone what you did!” You try to stay firm, but every time Namjoon laughs you seem to get smaller and smaller, his mocking tone making you feel dumb.

“Yeah baby? What exactly are you going to say?” He spins you so that you’re facing his laptop and keeps a tight grip on your waist with one hand as he presses play once more with his other hand, the lewd sounds from last night echoing his studio, making a new set of tears appear into your eyes, you closed your eyes while shaking your head, Namjoon grips you by the hair while forcing you to watch the awful video, you whimper as you are forced to relive what you thought was an intimate moment and  you’re horrified realizing it’s anything but that. “You look pretty willing to me, in fact, if we go back to it you can even hear you begging for me” Another sob leaves your lips and Namjoon kisses your cheek after hearing your distress “Aw, don’t cry sweetheart, it’s not like you think, this wasn’t meant to hurt you” He tries to wipe your tears off but you swat his hand before it comes close to your face “Why are you so mad at this? I thought you would like it” You're in a daze right now, and his words only make you feel more confused. How could he think that you will like this? He invaded your privacy and betrayed your trust by unknowingly filming you in the most intimate moment of your life, Namjoon seems to sense your confusion and lets out a small cooing noise.

“Oh baby, you really don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this, don’t you? I had to make sure you didn’t chicken out on me, I can’t let you go that easy, not after waiting too long to have you” His words only confuse you even more and you’re left with more questions than with answers.

“How could you possibly met me before this?” Your voice was barely audible at this point, but you know he heard you just fine, your throat closing up even more when he laughs while not breaking eye contact, before all this mess, Namjoon’s presence was already intimidating, but right now is downright terrifying, you can feel your legs giving out when he comes closer to you, gently cradling your face in his hands, more tears rolling down your cheeks as he begins to speak again.

“Oh darling, you’ve always been so eager, so gullible” The confusion your feeling must be visible to him because he lets a small tsk whilst grabbing a small strand of your bangs to push it behind your ear, his playful tone doesn’t leave his voice.

“It was a mere casualty really, Hoseok asked me to come to the main Bangtan building after one of his rehearsals, but on my way to his practice room, I saw a group of trainees in the smallest dancing studio in the building, dancing to the same part of a song over and over again, most of them messing up every time, except for one” Your entire body freezes and you feel like you might collapse at any moment, this can’t be happening, this isn’t the way things should be going now “I knew from the moment I saw you were going to be a star, and when I started to find out more about you, let me just say I was delighted with what I learned” You need to run, you have to get out of here, but before you can even make a run for it, Namjoon holds you tightly into his arms before he says “I don’t think that’s a good idea baby, you don’t this video to end up in the wrong hands, do you?” Your eyes widen up in fear at the mere though and Namjoon has the audacity to laugh at this “My career will remain intact after this, it might even become good publicity for me, but yours? Oh darling, this will be your downfall, a trainee fucking her producer to assure her success, that’s just low” You violently shake your head at his words.

“That’s not true! That’s not what happened, and you know that!” You’re yelling but no matter how loud you yell, it doesn’t seem like he can hear you, he only brushes you off with an uninterested look.

“I know that darling, but other people don’t, I know you’re a hard working girl who’s fought to be in this position, but they won’t see it that way, if their looking at you like scum now just thinking that we might be dating, imagine how they’ll treat you when they found out you let me fuck you so easily” You can’t control the heartbreaking sob that comes out of your mouth, and Namjoon coos at your pathetic attempt to make him feel guilty, pushing your head into his chest as he embraces you in a hug “Oh but don’t cry baby, I won’t let that happen to you, your my little superstar aren’t you? As long as you stay with me, I’ll make all your dreams come true” His loving and caring tone doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach anymore, it only makes you feel like you want to puke, and although his actions say otherwise, you’re left with the only option you have left: you believe him, what else can you do after all? No matter what you do, every choice will make you lose, but one will make you lose everything you’ve worked hard for, while the other will make you lose your dignity, and frankly, you don’t know which one is worst.

 Namjoon continues to hug you, his hold feels like poison now, who you once considered the man of your dreams has become your biggest nightmare in the blink of an eye and there’s nothing you can do to get away from him now, he kisses you harshly, your tears coming in the way but he seems to be great at ignoring them, and as he deepens out the kiss, there’s only one thought that bitterly crosses through your mind.

 You should’ve listened to your mother when you had the chance.

#TTIB series #yandere bts #bts series #yandere!namjoon x reader #yandere namjoon #namjoon x reader #bts x reader #kim namjoon x reader #bts fanfic #rm x reader #thats the industry baby #namjoon fanfiction

[bangtanmix73]

From 3 to 5

Paul Lahote x pregnant reader x Embry Call

Warnings: afab!reader, pregnancy, overthinking, anxiety, Paul would you ‘pup’ I don’t take criticism, fear of rejection, is it obvious I have baby fever?, let me know if I missed anything

--

“What am I doing to do, Em, Kim?” You address both of the women sitting on the couch as you paced back and forth.

You had just gotten back from your doctors appointment. You haven’t been feeling well lately and your boys were worried you were sick. You weren’t sick, you were 9 weeks pregnant. With twins.

“Y/n, dear, please sit down.” Emily patted the cushion next to her.

“I can’t sit down, Em, I’m stressed.” You complained.

“I don’t understand why you’re so stressed out, hun.” Kim spoke up for the first time since you told them you were pregnant. “They’re going to be excited.”

You stopped pacing. You stood in front of the girls, face filled with guilt. “The twins could only belong to one of them right? I feel bad that Paul would be the biological father to both and Embry wouldn’t, visa versa.” You whispered, loud enough for them to hear.

“Well that’s the more common case, yeah, but I’m sure Embry or Paul would still love the babies the same.” Emily commented.

“Hang on, the ‘more common case’?” You questioned.

“Yes, I believe it’s called ‘heteropaternal superfecundation’. It’s where one twin belongs to one and the other twin belongs to another man.” She informed you.

“Huh, you really do learn something new everyday.” Kim muttered.

“I really hope that’s my case.” You paused, another question coming to mind. “How far along do you have to be to get a paternity test done?”

“7 or 9 weeks, I believe.” Kim chimed in.

“I’m 9 weeks.” You started. “Do you think they would get a paternity test?”

“I’m sure if you asked them to.” You knew Emily was right. They’d do anything if you asked them to.

“Okay, yeah, I just got to tell them first.” You mentally hyped yourself up to the idea.

“You got this, hun.” Kim encouraged.

“Just one question.” Emily grinned. “Are we the god mothers?”

—-

You were now sitting on the bed while some trash tv show played in the background, having come home a hour ago. You were waiting for your two (2) wolves.

Although, the longer you waited, the more the suspense built. You didn’t plan an extravagant way to tell them, you were too nervous. Besides, you thought being pregnant with twins should be a big enough surprise.

Too lost in your thoughts, you apparently didn’t hear the front door open or your boys calling your name or their footsteps up the stairs. You didn’t know they were home until Embry opened your shared bedroom door.

“Pup, you alright? You didn’t come to the downstairs when we called you.” Paul walked over to you and sat down on the bed, in front of you. Embry sat beside him.

Your heart rate picked up and fear set in and they felt it through the imprint bond.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” Embry moved closer to you.

“I, uh, I have something I need to tell you.” You begin. It took everything in you not to cry from the fear of rejection. “I’m pregnant. Not only that, but with twins.” You took a breath once it was finally out, but it didn’t relax you one bit as neither do them have said anything.

Paul and Embry sat shocked in front of you, not moving or saying anything. Honestly, if they were going to leave you, you wished they’d do it now and quickly.

You hesitantly asked, “B-boys? Are you okay?”

Paul snapped out of his trace first, smashing his lips into yours, taking you by surprise. Nonetheless, you kissed him back, both of your arms wrapping around each other.

Embry poked Paul’s side, forcing him to pull away from you. “My turn, Paul.” Embry demanded, making you giggle while Paul huffed.

Embry put his hands on both sides of your face and brought you in to kiss you. He removed one hand from your face, down to your legs, moving you closer to him and Paul.

He pulled back with the biggest grin on his face. “I love you so much. I’m so happy.” He poked Paul in the side again, making him groan. “We’re going to be dads.”

“So it doesn’t matter if the twins only belong to one of you?” You questioned. Paul moved behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter who they biologically belong to, they will always be our kids no matter what.” Paul reassured you.

“So, hypothetically, if I asked for get a paternity test, would?” You asked, quickly adding in, “not the it matters, I’m just curious.”

Paul and Embry shared a look.

“Only if you want to.” Embry said. “But for now, can we cuddle? We missed you.”

You smiled, “‘course.”

—-

About a week later, you went in for the paternity test. The boys were restless the whole time. It became worse when the doctor said the results won’t be in for at least 24 hours. When the results finally came in, they were practically bouncing. From nervousness or excitement, you weren’t sure.

Opening the letter, you read it carefully. You gasped which concerned your wolves.

“What? What’s wrong?” They spoke in unison, not bothering to hide the concern in their voices.

“One baby is Paul’s and one is Embry’s.” You announced.

“What?” Paul blurted.

“How’s that possible?” Embry muttered in wonder.

“I’m not sure, but Emily said it’s rare. I’m just surprised this is how it turned out.” You admitted.

Paul hugged you. “I said this before, but it doesn’t matter if one’s mine, others not or if they were mine or not, we’re still going to be their fathers, pup.” He assured you one again, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

Embry hugged you from behind. “You’re going to be a great mother, babe.”

“Guess the 3 musketeers turned into 5.” You joked, sending the three of you into a fit of giggles.

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight wolfpack #twilight imagine #twilight x reader #twilight wolfpack imagine #twilight wolfpack x reader #paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #paul lahote x reader #embry call #embry call imagine #embry call x reader #embry call x reader x paul lahote

[felassan]

Article: 'The Industry Is Divided On How To Write Video Game Romance', by Kenneth Shepard

Baldur’s Gate 3 is the latest big game to follow an inclusive (but divisive) trend in video game courtship

Some excerpts:

"In 2011, BioWare’s Dragon Age II portrayed its four main romantic conquests as bisexual, allowing them to be pursued by either the male or female version of main character Hawke. At the time, I was a young, mostly-but-not-completely out gay high school student, and I spent hours each week on the BioWare forums, hoping for some information about which men I’d be able to pursue as I ventured through the fantasy city of Kirkwall. When the game finally came out, much to my delight, there were no restrictions. I wasn’t forced into one choice like I was with the roguish elf Zevran in Dragon Age: Origins, or excluded completely like the first two Mass Effect games. The approach was met with predictable pushback from bigots, and Lead Writer David Gaider responded to criticisms that the game neglected the “main demographic” of the “straight male” in what became a core text about who deserves to be depicted in video game romances. He wrote: “The romances in the game are not for ‘the straight male gamer’. They’re for everyone. We have a lot of fans, many of whom are neither straight nor male, and they deserve no less attention. We have good numbers, after all, on the number of people who actually used similar sorts of content in DAO and thus don’t need to resort to anecdotal evidence to support our idea that their numbers are not insignificant... and that’s ignoring the idea that they don’t have just as much right to play the kind of game they wish as anyone else. The ‘rights’ of anyone with regards to a game are murky at best, but anyone who takes that stance must apply it equally to both the minority as well as the majority. The majority has no inherent ‘right’ to get more options than anyone else.” The idea that romances could be “for everyone” stuck with me, and with the video game industry. Dragon Age II was an early example of what has become colloquially known as “playersexual” experiences, in which every romanceable character is pursuable regardless of your character’s gender. Everyone got an equal piece of the pie. Queer people weren’t relegated to table scraps while straight people got to have a feast. But it turns out, giving everyone all the same options brings its own baggage, and in the years since Dragon Age II, developers are still struggling to find the best approach. The mother of invention According to Gaider, while Dragon Age II’s love stories have become a model for inclusive romance design, they originally took this form due to the sequel’s breakneck development timeline. “We were working on far fewer resources compared to Dragon Age: Origins,” Gaider told Kotaku. “The whole game was gonna be done within a year and a half. So when it came up to how are we gonna do the romances, it was really a matter of economy. We’re gonna have four romances. If we decide to make them sort of a spread of sexualities that are immutable, then there’s no choice for the player. They have one character available to them, and we didn’t like that idea.” Resource division and lack of choice remains a cloud that hangs over even the biggest games that feature romance."

-

"When every romanceable character is pursuable regardless of who the player is, it creates a perception that these characters’ identities are defined by the protagonist’s presence. Gaider likens this to treating characters like a “toy” just meant to be romanced. This is part of how the “playersexual” moniker came to be, as it implies that characters weren’t bisexual or pansexual, but adhered to whatever main character they came across in any given playthrough. Dragon Age II has a specific plot beat that added to this: If the player chose to play a male version of Hawke, Anders would be forthcoming about his past relationship with another man, but that conversation doesn’t come up when playing as a woman. Gaider explained this was meant to distinguish how Anders related to male and female versions of the same character, with the BioWare team believing he might keep a past relationship with a man “close to his chest” if he were interested in a woman. In retrospect, he says he understands how it could be read as something only real in one version of the story. “Unfortunately, we just didn’t have enough time to get enough feedback and iterate on those situations,” he said. “We would hit a particular interaction, we would make a judgment call either as a group or the writer on their own, and that was it. There was no time for anything more than one gut-check, which is probably not the way to go.” Room to explore While Dragon Age II was written to accommodate any pairing because of the economic realities of its development, it’s become a recurring blueprint for several romance-driven games."

-

"As Dragon Age II has been pivotal in discussions around the playersexual design philosophy, its successor Dragon Age: Inquisition has been hugely influential on relationship systems featuring more defined identities. Gaider said the decision to tweak the approach came from a desire to decenter the protagonist in each of these character’s lives. “We didn’t like how [playersexual] made the characters feel like they existed in service of the player; like they were there in the game to be a toy. [...] We felt like that wasn’t why those characters existed. That wasn’t the kind of game we were making. These characters were characters first, and they had their own stories, and the player could interact with them, but it wasn’t always about the player.” The result of this shift is characters like Dorian Pavus, a mage from the land of the Tevinter Emperium, who is a gay man. His backstory involves nearly being put through a magical version of conversion therapy, an abusive and baseless real-world practice reliant on mental and often religious conditioning. Dorian’s parents planned to use dark magic to make him straight and take part in an arranged marriage, prompting him to run from his family. His story touches on real-life experiences of queer people, and fills in Dragon Age’s world in the process. “Dorian’s story could not be told if he was in a game where playersexuality was the rule of the day,” Gaider said. “When I say that it opens up different types of stories, Dorian is the best example, because his story is about being homosexual and that doesn’t work in any other context. So that was very special. [...] it meant a lot to me as a gay man that I had this opportunity.” Defining Dorian as a gay man is intrinsic to his story, but sometimes the effects of this approach aren’t as grandiose. Cassandra, the first party member you get in Inquisition, is a straight woman, and if you flirt with her as a female protagonist, she takes you aside and tells you…well, straight up. Whether that’s a fun wrinkle to your story or feels like the game is gating content is in the eye of the beholder. “For players who just wanted to romance whoever they wanted, they would do something like encounter Cassandra as a female character and get turned down and be like, ‘that’s not the game I wanted,’” Gaider said. “But then you had other people who were like, ‘that was really cool that Cassandra has her own identity, and it has nothing to do with who the player is.’ I think that makes for more realistic characters, and a more coherent world, and allowed us to create characters that were more self-realized.” The middle ground between opting for playersexual romances and representing the queer experience is making sure those bisexual and pansexual identities exist whether the player is there or not. Baldur’s Gate 3’s party is a solid example of this. Characters like Gale, Wyll, Astarion, and Shadowheart have established relationships and flirt with others of different genders, regardless of whether the player romances them. This ensures their identity doesn’t come off like a switch to be flipped depending on which protagonist shows up at the beginning of the game. Gaider points out that part of circumventing the weaknesses of the playersexual approach is adding “a metric ton of content” as Baldur’s Gate 3 did. Overcoming those hurdles is “possible, just very expensive.” Howard-Arias cited Dorian from Inquisition as an example of a story that could not be told in a playersexual game"

-

"When you’re on the outside looking in, it’s tempting to assume developers are intentionally snubbing certain groups of people. The Mass Effect series pushed the envelope for sex and romance in its time, but it was deeply dismissive of queer men, and BioWare’s explanations of Commander Shepard supposedly being a “predefined” character weren’t satisfactory considering the series’ emphasis on choice. Breaking down choices to numbers isn’t telling the whole story, but it does ultimately leave some people feeling burned. “[Some players reacted to limited romance] like it was unfair that I didn’t get more options, as if in-game romances were a matter of social justice,” Gaider said. “Like, in terms of how fairly you allotted them to players, like candy being divided. It’s such an awkward conversation to have because it’s so removed from the realm of game development. But still, game developers do need to stop and have that conversation.”"

-

"Even the word “playersexual” sounds like it’s an identity, which can be problematic. Gaider points out this is especially touchy for bisexual and pansexual people, who often face erasure in the real world, so labeling characters as something other than what they actually are sours the discussion before it even starts. Hunter echoed the sentiment, saying having characters “flip flop” felt like a betrayal. “The difference between a bisexual character versus a playersexual character really is a matter of context,” Gaider says. “By calling a character ‘playersexual,’ you’re sort of erasing the fact that they are bisexual, but, the part where having a term for that becomes useful is when you start to investigate, like, why is this character bisexual?” So these two distinct approaches aim to be inclusive, but both can carry a perception of unfairness to either queer identity or queer experience. The sentiment from everyone I spoke to was that both approaches are legitimate; they just have their own pitfalls that anyone making a game should be aware of. Sometimes you just have to accept when one game is aspiring to something different than another. Gaider says the key to making either approach work is to stop trying to please everyone. “Say something with your writing, with your game, with your romances. Because if you don’t say anything, if your goal is to make it inoffensive, then it’s gonna land like a wet fart. It’s not gonna have any substance to it,” he said. “So say something and just be aware of how it can be interpreted and stand by it. That’s all you can do as a creator.”"

[source and full article link. the full article also discusses and covers other games]

#dragon age #bioware #mass effect #video games #lgbtq #cassandra pentaghast #my lady paladin #long post #longpost #queerphobia cw

[celluloidbroomcloset]

sorry about this, it's been on my mind for a while, relating to your celebrity discourse post.

You're right in pointing out TW has been treated unfairly. He puts his foot in his mouth sometimes (there are times I just wish he wouldn't say anything or at least think it through). HOWEVER, since last year it's become extremely common to take things he says out of context and use them for rage bait clicks. And often when he does get 'criticism' its often for something he either didn't say at all or something that, while not great, has been twisted and overblown to look much worse.

What frustrates me is a lot of people seem to be doing this on purpose. It's like they're watching and waiting for him to step a toe out of line so they can rile people up on Twitter.

I don't think I need to point out a lot of white celebrities have done exactly the same or worse things than him, and don't recieve the same level of backlash.

I dont think you have to be a TW stan or even fan to acknowledge that while he's made mistakes-like literally every human- he's also being treated with more vitriol than is fair.

I'll start out by saying that I'm a veteran of Film Twitter, and I've seen some of the weirdest takes known to God or humankind, from people who purport to both critique and report on film and artists in cinema (I am no longer on Twitter). I'd trace the very weird hatred of Taika Waititi to around Jojo Rabbit, when a cadre of people very loudly proclaimed it to somehow be pro-fascist (it is not, and I'm saying that as someone who has fucking studied propaganda and Nazi-era filmmaking).

There have been other things blown out of proportion in his personal life, about which I do not believe anyone should interfere or discuss in any way because it's none of our fucking business.

My observation of him as a filmmaker and writer is that he's very intelligent, tries to be thoughtful, and also, as you say, often speaks without thinking. He has said things that I do not agree with, and will not try to defend. But many of the things he has said that gained traction on Twitter have either been taken out of context, deliberately misconstrued, or oversimplified. The biggest and least problematic example are his comments about how "no one knows who directed Casablanca," which was made in the context of how he doesn't care or expect his name to be remembered, because the art is the thing (and, TBH, I agree - I know who directed Casablanca, but a lot of people who know the film will have no fucking idea, and why should they?). I am not kidding when I say that this provoked several days of argument on Film Twitter. His most recent comments have been taken entirely out of context (no, I'm not going to start fighting about them, that's not the point). If someone disagrees with him, they should at the very least disagree about what he said, not what they pretend that he said.

Some of this is just the nature of Twitter itself, and celebrity culture. There's just not much nuance and there is an awful lot of - excuse me - dingbats who don't understand media half as well as they think they do. The other element is that there is indeed a rather nasty desire to scrutinize things that are said by...pretty much everyone who is not a straight white cisgender man, and use them as cudgels to beat those people "back into their place."

I do not know Taika Waititi. I do not pretend to know what he thinks, nor do I particularly care. I do know what I see in his art, and I appreciate a lot of it. But, yes, he is being scrutinized and jumped on in a way that a fuck lot of particularly white male filmmakers are not.

#reply #ofmd #taika waititi #i will not be fighting about this because this is not about defending him #trust me i have fought these fights and they are exhausting and i don't have the time for it

[arcadiabaytornado]

I want to talk about Rachel’s junkyard letter to Chloe because it contextualizes her relationship with Frank and Mark. (Note: She is more than likely talking about Mark here. Frank doesn’t seem wise, and he is scary, but in a pretty conventional way. Mark will even say that Frank was Rachel’s bad boy phase in Episode 5. Plus, “We hooked up near campus,” also points to Mark.)

This note has a lot of substance regarding the nature of Rachel and Chloe’s ambiguous relationship, but that’s not really what I want to talk about...for today at least. Instead, I want to talk about how this is so clearly a note written by a young woman who’s way over her head. She acknowledges that Chloe would find her relationship with Mark gross, and she then says that if Chloe freaked, “she wouldn’t blame her.” She then elaborates on this point by saying she has to keep her relationship with her teacher a secret because she knows that Chloe would be right to react with disgust. Max even says that Rachel sounded confused and ashamed about this relationship. 

But what's somehow even more alarming is Rachel referring to Mark as scary, and honestly, that just breaks my heart. We don't know what Mark did, but we know that Rachel had already been in a scary situation with an older man. In Frank's RV, we can find a letter where Rachel says that Frank went ballistic and frightened her. She was an eighteen-year-old girl, at the oldest, and in an RV with a drug dealer who was losing his shit. Then she meets Mark. Another older man who has power over her grades and future. She hooks up with him, but...she finds him scary too. We don't know what he said to make her this way. Or what he did. Or if Rachel just got a weird vibe...but she was in her second relationship in her young life with a man who scared her...and she was right to fear them both. Especially Mark. 

More Undercut

Rachel Amber was not a seductress. She was not a harlot sent to lead the men of Arcadia Bay astray. Rachel Amber was a victim. She was eighteen years old and dated men who had power over her, not just in their age, but in drugs and grades. She feared each of them, and no one could save her in time. She died in the darkroom. Overdosed on Frank's drugs while Mark took photos of her body. And yet...such a tragedy so often boiled down to "She hurt Chloe's feelings!"

As much as I love Chloe, that's not the worst thing to happen in this situation. The worst thing to happen is the grooming and subsequent murder. I know that’s kind of harsh phrasing, and I really hope I'm not coming off as overly critical, but I’ve noticed that Rachel’s relationship with Frank and Mark is often talked about in terms of how it affected Chloe instead of how it affected Rachel.

And while, yes, Chloe’s feelings were hurt, and that shouldn't be minimized, Rachel's relationships with these men affected Rachel more than anyone. That's not to say I'm opposed to talking about how Rachel's relationships hurt Chloe!!!! Because they did!!! I'm just saying that it makes me uneasy how Chloe is sometimes treated like the biggest victim of Rachel's relationships when Rachel is dead at the hands of the men who groomed her.

Sorry that I went off on a tangent at the end there, but I’ve never liked it when characters are boiled down to their romantic relationships, and I tend to think that what happened with Frank and Mark should be looked outside the lens of Amberprice a little. Just like I think Chloe deserves an analysis of who she is as a person outside the lens of Amberprice and/or Pricefield.

OKAY I have got to end this post because that was another tangent but quick thoughts: A: Rachel was a victim and it seeps through every letter of this note. B: Rachel deserved better. C: I wish the Mark/Frank situation wasn’t often boiled down to how it made Chloe feel. I feel like Rachel’s character is sometimes not given the analysis it deserves because of it. 

#Rachel Amber #lis #life is strange #Before the Storm

[desceros]

Re: ableism w/Symphony Donnie: Definitely some internalized ableism but I think that’s unfortunately due to not many people knowing what exactly neurodivergence looks like and how people with it processes things differently.

Like, honestly, my biggest gripe was the recording and even that, for the SPECIFIC context of this story and Donnie as a character, it makes sense. Does it make it right? No, but if Donnie never had to think about these things before, for him it’s the same as recording everything to protect his family. Just something he does.

Also, even though my heart broke with Reader’s at her realization, MULTIPLE times reader has said Donnie says what he means and even at the beginning with the “I like you” thing I was like, “Girl, I’m going to need you to define the relationship with him.”

And I think, with Leo, even when writer’s do write him as neurodivergent, what I’ve read always has him as the he better masker whether it’s explicitly said or not. Idk if Symphony Leo is neurodivergent or not but STILL, reader has picked up that he’s good with masking which usually comes off as charming or “easy breezy beautiful cover girl”.

Idk, maybe because I know a lot of people like Donnie irl but if anything I was more frustrated at the obvious miscommunication between both of them than him directly, because as reader said, she projected her feelings on to him when he’s been super direct with his intentions.

Basically, there are sometimes where I wish people would just realize that processing the same thing between two people doesn’t always look the same and that one isn’t necessarily bad.

well-said, anon-chan!

edit: this got SPOILER!! HEAVY!! for chap. 22 and also soooo long so i'm going to tuck it under a cut. but here's some meta on symphony to explore this a bit since it's something that's very important to me and also... pretty critical to the fic itself! i don't typically like explaining myself outside of the text and letting the fic itself speak but. hm. i suppose i shall let it slide for today!

as you all have hopefully noticed by now, as an author, i like to be. hm. more subtle with things. i prefer to tuck things away versus having things be blatant in the text. and this is kind of coming back to bite me a little with donnie and his neurodivergence, i suspect.

i've tried pretty hard to make it contextually obvious that donnie's autistic. i've all but used the word. the way he behaves and communicates is heavily autism-coded.

meanwhile, the story is from viola-chan's pov, and she's neurotypical-coded (well. as much as i, an adhd-riddled autistic cat in a trenchcoat can manage).

as a result, she doesn't... pick up on donnie's problems with communication. not right away. but here, in this chapter, we see where she finally figures out what their issue has been the entire time:

…Oh. Oh god.  He really doesn’t get it. You’d known, of course, that Donnie wasn’t great with people. That he doesn’t communicate well. He doesn’t pick up on cues, or use them himself. No wonder he’s always so frank in his language, you realize. No wonder he’s so comforted by the firm rigidities of science. No wonder he looked so lost. No wonder he was so perplexed.

then, she puts that into practice by being specific and precise with how she talks. and we see that she now knows how to communicate with him in a way that works for both of them. and it works for them:

God; it’s like—a breath of fresh air, you think, staring at him in a little bit of awe. It’s so easy to talk to him, now that you’re just… letting it all out. Being honest. Frank. Infuriating that you hadn’t done this earlier. Feeling your irritation deflate, you nod. “…Okay. You just—need an explanation. Clarification.” “Yes, please,” Donnie gushes, fretting a little.

it's going to take some work. she still takes things he says personally and extrapolates past them (the whole "leo being an important person" thing). but she immediately nips it in the bud and is like. no. we're not doing that anymore. so, going forward, her relationship with donnie is one that's built on learning how to develop this open communication.

of course, it's not perfect, because they're human. donnie twisting her arm into still talking to him by calling in the favor is shitty behavior. a desperate bid to keep someone close that, for some reason, he can't imagine being without. not cool. the recordings of them having sex were shitty behavior to us, people who Know Better. but when violist-chan said 'hey, that's not cool, don't do that' and donnie was given a reason why not to, he just says ok. he might not understand ("but i record everything"). but he acknowledges that there's a concern there, and he agrees to be more conscientious in the future (having a consent sheet).

now then, let's look at leo's behavior in comparison.

donnie's biggest fault was that he didn't know to check in and make sure they were on the same page with everything. leo's fault, on the other hand, is purposeful, manipulative, and cruel. his open admission that he's been manipulating her from the beginning. manipulating donnie. lying to her.

to me, this is much, much worse than what donnie did. even knowing that at some point he starts developing friendly feelings towards her—and some of their interactions were indeed genuine!—i'm with violist-chan here. i'm not going to be digging through every one trying to parse out which ones were real and which ones were him being a dickhead. they're all tainted by the stain of betrayal.

also. because it has come up in a different ask that i will be publishing probably tomorrow bc of spoiler reasons: someone said something to the effect of 'why didn't he just not say anything? he could have taken that to his grave. how selfish'. i will remind you of a conversation between violist-chan and leo that happened in the previous chapter:

“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask. And...”  [...] Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something; but finally he relaxes and comes back to you himself. Reaching out, he flicks your forehead, causing you to wince and rub at it.

i think... leo maybe wouldn't have ever said anything about it. but then you said this. how donnie matters to you because he's honest. there's nothing deeper with him. it's all at face value. you never have to worry about what he's doing, what he's thinking. and that i think... really messed with leo. because he knows he hasn't been honest with you. you can't trust what he says at face value. you do have to worry about what he's doing. and for you to say that that's the main thing you love about donnie—it messed with him. so, even though he knew it would jeapordize the relationship with you, even knowing he wanted to put this off for as long as he could, even though, even though, he decides he has to tell you. he has to come clean.

so even though it feels like shitty, selfish behavior... it's actually him trying to do right by her for a change. to conform to what she looks for in a relationship (both romantic and platonic). it just... didn't go over so well, predictably. most people don't like hearing that not one, but two of their most precious relationships were built on a foundation of misunderstandings or lies.

side note. i do headcanon leo as having adhd that primarily manifests itself as an inattentive form. i don't suspect it has much to do with his behavior here... save perhaps for some possible rsd being triggered when violist-chan is like 'ok actually go fuck yourself i'm out of here.' i don't find it particularly relevant to the discussion of ableism, in this context.

so anyway. long post aside. it's... interesting to me. to see people saying 'actually fuck both donnie and leo equally!!! bleh bleh bleh!!!!' i don't know that it's. hm. active ableism. i'm certainly not accusing anyone of the sort. but it is, at the very least, indicative to me that there are a lot of people who don't read into the text as deeply as perhaps i would like on certain character traits, if i had a magic wand to wave.

....and also perhaps just ableism, haha.

#ask tag #symphony tag #rare desceros meta post #symphony meta

[blueb3rryjongseob]

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

NOW PLAYING: Girls' Generation- Gee

Skz Hyung! Line reacting you to receiving yet another award.

idol!member × idol!reader

‼️warnings‼️- cursing, shouting, kinda suggestive but no actual smut takes place, reader referred to as girlfriend, baby, talented, perfect, gorgeous

MDNI but if you do read this, please don't interact with this particular post, i'll make kid-friendly posts at some point

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

had a bit of fun with this😭 sorry if i ate dog sh🎀t and butchered everything😔☝️ constructive criticism welcomed🥰🙏, lmk if yall want a maknae line ver, i'll start working on it after this either way, kinda proofread but not rlly, sorry for any errors 🤗

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

CHAN:

Definitely your BIGGEST supporter. He knew you were going to win but he's still cheering for his baby. Clapping the loudest, smiling the widest. You could the see the pride in his eyes as you gave your speech, the same one you recited over and over to him, just incase you won.

"Hyung, you'll pierce holes through her head if you stare any longer."

At home, boy oh boy, were you in for a ride. Just a couple hours earlier, you sat in his lap, crying so prettily.

"Channie..what if I don't win? All my fans, my staff, my family, they all expect me to.. What if I let them down..?"

Chan teased you about it so much.

"What was that, love? Something about not winning and letting me down?"

Doesn't take his teasing far enough to make you feel insecure about opening up, he definitely shows you how proud he is, in more ways than one~

LEE KNOW:

Ofcourse, he acted surprised when you won. Looking at you as if it was the craziest thing he had ever heard, which resulted in you jokingly flipping him off before making your way to the stage.

"Hyung..Did y/n really win ?"

When you both got home, he was the happiest man on earth. He kissed you, picked you up and spinned you around, making you dinner, everything you wished for.

"My talented girlfriend.." He muttered in between kisses.

HYUNJIN:

Definitely the one to embarrass you. Screaming out like a fanboy meeting his idol for the first time irl. He told you countless times before leaving home that if you had won or not, he'd still be proud of you, you worked hard on your comeback and he knew that better than anyone.

"THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND UP THERE, LET'S GO!!"

At home, he pampered you with kisses, it was all about you now. I could just picture him feeding you strawberries (fruit of your choice!!) while kissing down your neck, leaving pink spots in his wake.

"So fuckin' gorgeous..so perfect.."

CHANGBIN:

"And the winner of the 2024 MAMA Artist Of The Year Award goes to.."

Before the MC could finish, Changbin screamed out your name, cheering you on.

"What..? He didn't announce the winner yet? Oh, mianhe.."

He sat back down, muttering to Chan how it wasn't his fault and we all knew you were gonna win, with or without him saying so.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

creds to @winskzer for helping me, luv u

#Spotify #jongseob #girls generation #lee know #bang chan #changbin #hyunjin

[lobotomizedlady]

I'm glad your blog exists. It's refreshing to see someone unafraid to do some critical thinking on why and how this gender stuff is the way it is without it also coming from a misogynist. Strange how the wrongthink curmudgeonly old TERFs we should totally beat the shit out of have more sense than the people who make them out to be the biggest threat even when faced with leaders who wish death on everyone involved. Of course, you and I don't hold the exact same opinions, but I have a feeling that not sharing a hive mind is more accepted in your circles. You folks really aren't as bad as I've been led to believe. Take care.

sorry for taking so long to reply to this but thank you very much I'm really happy to have changed your perception of the Evil Terfs a bit lol. i definitely am in support of people forming their own opinions on every issue rather than blindly falling into groupthink. this isn't the borg. I mean I'm a gun slinging environmentalist anti capitalist anti organized religion pro spirituality gender critical feminist who genuinely believes aliens are visiting us & the government knows but is hiding it. I want to legalize all drugs, give free guns to every woman, imprison johns, massacre pimps & pornographers & rapists & pedophiles & wife beaters/killers, provide free housing, healthcare, food, etc for all, demolish giant corporations, ban people from profiting on overseas slave labor, restructure the entire penal system, defund the military, abolish the current tax system, and ideally establish a legitimate matriarchy eventually bc men having power has brought nothing but ruin on humanity & the planet.

so like. needless to say not many people agree with me on every single one of those issues loI, I just go with what makes sense to me without trying to fall into party lines in my country bc I truly fucking hate both republicans & democrats & politicians in general. they're literally just different flavors of the same war mongering money grubbing authoritarian corrupt capitalist liars.

#asks

[total-drama-shark]

First impressions on every contestant!

Warning this gets long.

Millie

Was really interested on the possibility of a nerdy character from her introduction, but I feel like my biggest gripe with her is the whole “my generation” thing, it just feels slightly mean spirited and not realistic for a personality trait. Teens generally don’t like being told that their generation sucks or that they’re all dumb or have their use of technology criticized. The ones that do dislike their generation are those either trying to receive approval from older people or “I was born in the wrong generation” type kids. She’s just, unrelatable.

Axel

Her voice is higher than I expected, I like the survival theme and was surprised we got another zombie conspiracy nut in the cast (so happy we got a Shawn cameo/reference as well!) she really is like a mix of Jo and Eva with a sprinkle of Shawn and I wish we got to see more of her!

Priya

Super interesting to see a contestant raised by TD fans, and her intro was amazing! Baby and toddler Priya! Owen reference! She is 100% going to be an interesting character. I guess there’s also a subversion of a big Desi stereotype with her, she wants to go to med school but her parents want her to enter a more unconventional and unstable field, I don’t know exactly how to feel about this, specially since I’m not desi myself.

Zee

My man!!! I love me a skater/surfer dude and the Jude vibes are impeccable!! He is so chill and just here to vibe. I’ve audibly laughed at multiple of his lines and just love him so much. I also think he’s neat amputee rep, he’s casual about it and was just born that way, but can make fun stories up about it.

Ripper

Am I disappointed by the fart and potty jokes? Yes, but besides that I actually really like his character! An annoying bully who despite his best efforts is a loser. Also if his voice doesn’t fuel the nowen child headcanons out there I don’t know what will.

Damien

A total newbie! Very opposite to Priya in this case and also super interesting character trait for him, I hope both him and Priya can function a bit to show off the POV of both old and new fans alike. He’s also very entertaining :)

Scary girl

Exactly what I expected from her and more! She is very much one dimensional compared to most the rest but I love her! I love wildcards! So excited to see her shenanigans

Bowie

Introducing yourself as the first openly gay contestant is definitely a first impression! I’ve got to say I adore his competitive and scheming nature and you can tell he’s in it to win it, he also has amazing social skills and is overall an icon. I know not everyone will be into the idea of the first openly queer contestant being very stereotypical but I’ve always thought that just as while his sexuality isn’t the center of his personality and there’s at least another queer character that isn’t as stereotypical it’s all good, and by the looks of it that will be the case. Also I know multiple gay dudes that act just as him so I have a bias.

Chase

Did not expect a stunt Youtuber type guy but I definitely should’ve seen it coming, also DRAMA?? Pre established EXES??? I am so interested in seeing how this pans out

Emma

I love her voice first of all and I did not expect her to have been part of the stunt Youtuber group, hope the ex drama isn’t all there is to her character and I really enjoy her friendship with Bowie so far!

MK

Oh I love her, we haven’t seen a character like her before and she has so much potential! A character that knows she’s underestimated and takes advantage of that? Yes please!

Caleb

Pretty much a Justin copy, I can’t really say much about him and we knew how things were going to pan out so I can only hope he’ll make if farther and get more development next season.

Wayne & Raj

Hockey dudes! They’re such jocks and can sense the “makes fun of me lightly for being unathletic but cheers for me when I finally start participating in sports” energy from them so hard, they’re fun guys and feel so much like real teen boys.

Nichelle

An actual TV star! I didn’t see that coming but I love it! Love seeing the little flashbacks to her shows and movies and seeing someone in the show be treated as an actual celebrity, she’s also as far as I’ve seen pretty smart, level headed, and humble for a TV celebrity! So interested in seeing her work!

Julia

The influencer chick! Her intro was amazing and I definitely didn’t expect her to be into healing crystals, feel like she’ll be a very interesting character and I await her interactions with Nichelle.

#total drama #total drama 2023 #tdir #total drama spoilers #td spoilers #td millie #td axel #td priya #td zee #td ripper #td damien #td scary girl #td bowie #td chase #td emma #TDI emma #td mk #td caleb #td wayne #td raj #td nichelle #td julia

[smokedgastropod]

we got to see sahed and rainah's reaction to prejudice and i'm honestly really impressed with how it's been potrayed. i also feel like it's written better than hooky, bear with me

yes it's long

let's start with rainah, who seems to mostly be embarassed and upset by how she's treated. she got assaulted by cops, humiliated in front of the public and later had to hear tonny and julia arguing about whether or not she should have been arrested and sent to a research centre. she responds to being treated like less than with shame. she covers her face, faces the other way, wishes to be left alone or with sahed. rainah doesn't want to fight back, she wants to have her dignity be respected and to remain invulnerable. she also doesn't seem to believe that kalgratt can stop being disciminatory towards ah'kon.

rainah's position isn't similar to anyone in particular in hooky, but i think the closest would be dani? mostly with the scene where rainah asks to be left alone with sahed, the only other ah'kon in the group, and the one where dani after almost being burned chooses to hug dorian, the only other witch. they both got saved by someone outside of their group (for rainah it's mostly tonny and kamille, and for dani it was monica), and yet chose their brother to comfort them. what i think is an improvement from hooky is specifically the difference i mentioned already - dani's way more hopeful about the possible life without discrimination. in hooky, the burnings are forbidden, and in marionetta research facilities are not, i know, but in both cases the marginalization is a very relevant issue. (i just hate how the characters act like witches were burned centuries ago, not less than 20 years, sue me) dani responds with blocking out what's happening, just hoping it'll stop, while rainah reacts with shame and hoping to remove herself from the situation.

sahed is way more outspoken about the discrimination they face. he concludes dryly that julia is a moralist, tonny isn't exempt from criticism just because he's not a bigot and that those soldiers deserved to be beaten. he's not vindictive to the point of impulsivity (like actually starting a fight), but has no problem admitting he wants to hurt those that hurt him or rainah. he's no problems with ...joking? about ah'kon (he said to julia that having two eyes is lame though he was pissed off, and also snorted when tonny asked julia to have basic respect towards ah'kon ppl) mainly cause he recognises how stupid and absurd those beliefs are.

i just hope that he won't become like angela from hooky. granted, sahed's limited by belonging to the circus, but he may still become the character of "fight for equal rights gone too far" like the antagonists in hooky. i don't think that's gonna happen, since his biggest motivator isn't revenge but rainah, which i like. (the panels where he's concerned for her and hugs her hurt my soul okay). and what i love about his potrayal is that i've seen this attitude of his so many times, that tiredness and pent up anger that you can't help but laugh at the absurdity. they're both rather realistic characters and i can't wait to see what's gonna happen next

#marionetta #webtoon #hooky #long post

[samuskitchen]

bottom of the deep blue. (8)

⇒ mermaid!suna x siren!reader

summary : sirens, creatures of unmatched beauty and cunning charm, they lure men in with their voices and grace, taking advantage of all the gullible fishermen and pirates. mermaids, the peacekeepers of the deep blue sea, naive and kind to a fault at times. a fated encounter between the two underwater dwellers leads to a difficult situation and a love that shouldn’t be.

warnings : character death, mentions of blood , somewhat graphic description of flesh being uhh eaten?? , mentions of torture, cruel treatment, description of mutilation, mental breakdowns, just a lot of death and fear.

genre : mermaid au, pirate au, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, betrayal

a/n : i’m so sorry it took me so long to post the final chapter, after this there’ll be a short epilogue that i’ll probably post later on in the week, and then i might take a break from writing a series (i have more planned but i wanna work on the ideas more) so i’ll probably release one shots for a bit!! pls reblog or comment or send me a message in my inbox if you enjoyed or had any criticisms 🫣🫂🫂

w/c : 2.7k

rintarou shifted awkwardly under the harsh glares of your sisters, each one of them taking their time to inspect him carefully.

“yn never talked about you, but we knew when she’d come back later than usual, a bright smile on her face— we knew it had to be because she met someone.” the eldest broke the silence.

suna swallowed back his guilt at her words, he knew you cared for him, that there was something slowly blooming between the two of you, yet that didn’t stop him. he realised his selfishness cost him the one thing he desired most, freedom wasn’t above the water surrounded by people who had no care for him.

he realised too late that freedom was with you. spending hours in your little cave, hidden away from the world and the burdens you both carried, freedom was holding your hand as the two of you sat on the rocks together watching the sunset or running through the markets.

rintarou took far too long to realise that freedom was with you.

“i’m sorry…” suna wished he could do more or say more to even the tide, but the damage had already been done, you had been ripped away from your family and the life you had grown accustomed to, albeit a life you didn’t want to live, however you were safe and your safety should have been his biggest priority.

your sisters stare at him, gaze stone cold and filled with judgement at the fidgeting merman who could only bow his head and lay a hand on his heart if only to show his sincerity for what has happened. his apology is not enough.

“you expect us to accept your foolish apology and move on? our sister is being harmed and by the time we find her, she may very well be dead. your remorse is not needed, your help is needed.” the eldest spoke to him, her tone sharp.

rintarou nodded and lifted his head up, gazing back at her. “i know where she is, i can lead us to them. if we go now we may be able to make it to them before the sun rises. these humans are weakest at night.”

“good. we will need every advantage to rip their throats out as slowly and painfully as possible.”

—

the ocean was bustling in the night, all types of creatures came out to hunt for their meal or travel the vast waters for a new place to stay. the group of sirens led by the merman sped through the currents, ignoring the fish that would scramble out of their paths.

“they should be further ahead. once we make it under the boat, remember the plan. rintarou you make your way back onto the ship, we will start the melodies as soon as you give us the signal.”

rintarou gives a short nod, and with that the group pushes forward, speed increasing as the urgency to get to the travelling boat rises. if they’re even a little late it could result in the end of your existence and if that happens, rintarou would accept any punishment your sisters had ready for him.

after a few more minutes of swimming the group sees the large paddles of the ship below the water, lying dormant as most of the crew must have finally been allowed rest. rintarou takes this as a good sign, and with a small smile he swims closer to the boat.

they all slow down once they make it to the first paddle, with quiet nods the group splits off, your sisters surrounding the boat, and rintarou swimming over to the side where the large ropes had been thrown over.

rintarou turns to your eldest sister, giving her an appreciative nod before swimming up to the surface. with a deep breath he begins the climb, at first it had been a struggle with the fact that he had to carry most of his tail weight, but the further up he got and the more he dried off, his human legs had finally formed again.

he tried keeping his grunts as quiet as possible, but climbing the rope while being hit with the strong ocean winds was something he had not been prepared for, so with a final grunt he throws himself over the edge of the boats barriers. eyes searching for a sack or long fabric he could tie around his nude waist before finding you and confronting yuuji.

much to rintarou’s luck, he found a pair of abandoned pants, most likely from a drunk crew mate. he slipped into the pants and sprinted down to where you were held the last time he was on the boat. with a speed he wasn’t used to and a strength he didn’t know he had, he threw the doors open and ran down the stairs.

his heart stuttered at the sight of your empty cage and the blood soaking the ground. his legs felt weak and with a choked gasp he fell to his knees. a hand raising to his mouth to cover the sobs that threatened to spill out.

i’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry yn.

after a few agonisingly quiet seconds, he sharply inhaled and slowly began rising again. he’d kill that bastard yuuji first, and once he’s delivered the lifeless corpse of that wicked captain to your sisters, he’d let them have their way with him, it was what he deserved after all.

rintarou turns back to the entrance, feet dragging as his hands shook with both an anger and sadness he’d never felt before. one foot after the other he climbed the stairs slowly, hands gripping the bannister as he made his ascent.

“well, you sure are desperate.” rintarou’s head snapped up at the sound of yuuji’s voice.

there, right in front of the door, stood captain yuuji. he had a twisted smirk on his face, a tone filled with cynicism and an evil glint shining within his eyes. and trapped within his arms, was you. your legs had formed and rintarou couldn’t bear to look down at them, keeping his head up he examined your shaking body, hands gripping yuuji’s arms tightly as he tightened his own grip around your throat.

you were alive. rintarou felt his body relax just the slightest bit, stifling a sigh of relief. he cleared his throat and returned his gaze back to yuuji, glaring at the man who continued to smirk down at the weak man at the bottom of the staircase.

“if i remember correctly, i said i'd kill you the next time i saw you. isn’t that right rintarou?”

gulping back his fear, rintarou holds his ground. “you’d like that wouldn’t you, yuuji? unfortunately for you, that’s not gonna happen.”

with a deep inhale, rintarou brings his fingers to his lips and let out a loud whistle, running up the rest of the stairs, he shoves yuuji aside, ripping you away from his side and dragging your shaking body to the edge of the ship, pushing your body behind his as the air begins to fill with the soft and beautiful harmony of the sirens below.

yuuji’s eyes slowly widen, hands moving to block his ears, screaming for his men to help him, his hands grip his ears tightly, nails digging into his flesh and scalp. yuuji’s legs begin to shake, he runs to the doors of the crews’ bunks, kicking the door open, screaming for his men to wake up.

the ship falls into chaos, men shouting to each other, glasses falling and breaking, kegs spilling over as the men scramble to get up at the begs and cries of their captain, who falls further and further into a breakdown.

yuuji sobs the louder the sirens’ song gets, his men go silent, the chaos stops. one by one the men line up along the sides of the boat. yuuji shakes his head, his trembling lips repeating the same begs of ‘no’ as his men slowly climb over the edges of the ship.

“no… no, no, NO! stop, please — i’m sorry, please no more!” yuuji falls to his knees, hands still gripping the sides of his head, his body is hunched over, tears and drool and snot fall over him as he rocks himself, his cries drowning out the splashes and screams of his crew.

you grip rintarou’s arm, watching the man who tormented and tortured you so harshly for days, fall into a madness you’d never witnessed before. his cries and screams were far more heartbreaking than the pleads of the dying crew mates, if he hadn’t hurt you as much as he did, you’re sure you would’ve felt more remorse.

rin purses his lips, brows drawn together as he watches the mighty captain yuuji become nothing more than a blubbering fool, crumpled on the ground shaking in fear as death looms over him. the men in the water grew silent. most, if not all of them, were dead by now.

yuuji, noticing the silence even through his breakdown, slowly lifts his head up, hands leaving his ears. his sobs grow quiet, but his body still trembles from the held back cries. “i-i’m so—sorry. please, please don’t hurt me…”

an uncomfortable silence stretches out over the ship, you push yourself closer to rintarou, cheek pressing against the muscles of his broad back. “tarou… what’s going to happen to him?” your voice was quiet, shaking as you shivered against him.

“cover your ears, yn…” rintarou gulps. eyes gazing out to the other side of the ship, where your sisters finally climb over the edge, human legs replacing their large tails, they hobble slowly over to yuuji, who slowly turns to look behind him.

he gasps, body flying backwards as he scrambles away from the women who began surrounding him. his screams return, a sound so loud and piercing that even as you press your hands closer to your ears, his wails break through the barrier. you clench your eyes shut, pressing your entire body into rintarou to block out the sound.

yuuji begs like no man ever has, screams as he’s torn apart, he pushes and shoves against the sirens who feast on the man who lost everything twice. he grips at the floorboards of his ship, wide eyes staring up at the sky, whispering and whimpering prayers to his God as he feels the teeth and nails dig further into his flesh.

before he falls into his eternal slumber, his gaze falls onto rintarou, he sees part of your shaking body, and with his last breath he utters a singular phrase, one that rintarou would never be able to utter to you. through and through, yuuji hated sirens and he’d continue to hate them wherever he ended up on the other side.

rintarou turns to you, kneeling down as his hands gripped your wrists, gently pulling them away from your head. “it’s okay, it’s over now. everything is over, you’re safe.” he tried giving you a warm smile, muster up the courage to look you in the eyes, do anything to give you the comfort you so desperately needed.

“yn…” the call from your eldest sister snapped you out of your trembling fear. glistening eyes locking onto the worried ones of your sister. your lips trembled, legs shaking from the overwhelming emotions and pain. slowly, step after step you dragged yourself over to your family, hands flying to hug your sister with your remaining strength.

you could only bring yourself to mutter apologies as your sister held you back tighter, her comforting hold and her hand which caresses the top of your head finally gets you to break. your own wails cry out among the ship, gripping onto your sister tighter than you ever had before. your other sisters gathered around the two of you, whispering words of comfort, some checking on your physical health, others petting you.

for the first time in a long time, you felt the touch of others that had no malicious intentions, the gentle touch and caress of people who loved and cared for you. you were safe and you could finally feel that safety.

“it’ll be okay, yn. we will fix everything, you are safe now.” your eldest sister mumbled into your hair as she held you closer.

you nodded against her, hands still gripped onto her like a child too afraid to leave their mother’s side, too fearful of the wonders the world may hold. you experienced the human world, and you realised that maybe humans didn’t deserve the sympathy you so easily gave them.

“don’t think we’ve forgiven you for running off with that horrid merman though. so many fish in the sea and you go for that?”

you let out a soft laugh as your sisters began berating your taste in men, rintarou’s jaw dropping as they criticised every bit about him from the other side of the ship. he self-consciously crossed his arms over his chest and slumped down, knees pulled up as he lets his head rest against the barrier supporting his back.

“i’m still here, y’know…” he muttered.

—

after being healed by the strange old human lady by the shore and being brought back to your home, you continued to stay by your sister's sides. helping them hunt the men who tried crossing the ocean.

rintarou, however, could not say his return was as welcomed, nor was he happy to be back in the mermaids’ kingdom.

being stripped of his title, rintarou bowed his head in front of the king and queen who could only glare down at the ex-knight in training. he had a hand placed on his heart, the other arm behind his back as he stayed in that position, awaiting the news of his punishment.

“rintarou. not only did you break one of the most sacred rules of our kind, you visited the land of the humans, but you also had relations with a siren! this act of rebellion is disgraceful and taints the image of all mermaids and men alike. for your crimes you should be dead.”

rintarou nodded, still bowing as the king continues to criticise the man. “however,” rintarou lifts his head up ever so slightly, his gaze locking onto the king’s. “because of your… relationship, with that siren girl, you have allowed a new pact to be created between both civilisations, and for that i will not punish you with death. you will be banished from the kingdom, sent away to live out your eternity above land with the humans you so desperately wanted to be like. no longer will you be a man of this kingdom. this is as far as my mercy will go. should you be seen in the waters, we will not hesitate to execute you.”

rintarou’s lips trembled as he once again silently nodded, raising himself to his full height, he mumbled a thank you to the king, before being forcefully grabbed by the guards on both arms.

“i hope this serves as a lesson to the rest of the kingdom, if they wish to parade as humans, they will face the same punishment as this fool!”

on his way out of the castle and soon the entire kingdom, rintarou keeps his gaze down, ignoring the judgemental whispers and the harsh words thrown at him by the citizens of what was once his home.

when he made it to the gates of the kingdom, rintarou lifted his head to get one final glance of the place he’d never see again, the friends he’d never get a chance to be with, and the opportunities he could’ve had. with his final glance he notices all of his friends from training lined up by the gate, smiles of sympathy and sadness cloud their features as they say a final goodbye to their friend.

he feels his heart break. the regret of his actions finally hitting him full force as he’s finally pushed out of the gates, the large structure slamming closed to finally show that he is no longer welcome. a final goodbye is heard from his friends before he swims away to the surface, looking back at the kingdom every so often to watch it grow smaller and smaller.

rintarou finally learnt what greed could cause for a man, and for that, he could never regret anything more.

taglist: @lomlsuna @akaashiwife @plixy @on-crows-wings @1-800-s1ya @sabztov @keiji-in-a-can @tamak00 @erintaro @bertqut1 @usermins @yanihatesu @rntrsuna

#🌀. botdb #suna x reader #suna x y/n #suna angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #suna rintarou angst #suna rintaro x reader #haikyuu imagines #hq x reader #hq imagines

[powerviolence-princess]

recently ive been having conversations about sex in games, and by having conversations i mean getting accused of being a puritan by 19 year olds any time i express a critical thought about a game that has depictions of sex in it. most recently i was bemoaning that the vast majority of games where sex is the primary focus exclusively feature characters that neither i nor any of my friends can see ourselves in. my primary complaint was that no characters in any of these games ever seem to be hairy or fat, and when trans women are present they are always of the Cis-Passing™ and/or conventionally attractive variety. i know the usefulness of both these phrases can be debated eternally but im just gonna hope people know what i mean when i say this.

after spending 30 minutes trying to convince younger trans women that i in fact enjoy sex and like to look at porn, i just wish i could see anything other than supermodels and hips too wide to fit through doorframes, i received the snarky suggestion that i should "look literally anywhere other than steam". in addition, it was suggested that my biggest problem is that i dont play visual novels, because that is apparently where most queer representation in video games can be found.

it may have been delivered in a snarky way but it was a good suggestion, the steam storefront is a fucking nightmare, i havent tried a new visual novel in a good long while, so why not try my luck. the specific suggestion i received was to go to itch.io, as that website is, according to this group of young trans women, dominated by queer creators.

now my very first observation was that the site is not, in fact, dominated by queer creators. it is dominated by skibidi toilet low poly analog horror games that look completely unappealing. but, in the interest of good faith, i wont wield that as a gotcha. instead i will just punch in the tags "LGBT" and "Dating Sim", so that i can experience the absolute wealth of body positive interactive erotic experiences that apparently flood this website.

well, page one is just not the strongest start. but yet again, lets be fair, ive been automatically directed to the "popular" games. lets sort by "most recent" instead, an unfiltered look at what comes through this site.

i dont mean to be difficult, but it appears im still largely getting buff furry men, skinny anime people, and CGI porn stars. let me go completely out of my way to try to give the benefit of the doubt, i am going to sort through games and only address games that are explicitly erotic and explicitly queer.

just for a second, let me be sincere and say that my goal here is not to point out and mock or shame individual queer creators on the merits of the representation present in their independently developed dating sims. nobody is perfect, no one creator or even team can ensure every single intersection of identity is represented in their art, this is about broader trends and the snarky response i get when i complain about those trends.

i threw in the 'erotic' tag, enduring and suffering more uses of the words "femboy", "lewd", and "futanari" than any person should ever be forced to, and i was able to find some explicitly queer games! the method i used was opening literally every single individual game page and reading through its description. yes this took a very long time and its all in service of proving a point that a lot of people wouldnt argue in the first place, but i still regularly have to deal with people who do argue it, so this is for them. enjoy blocking me on social media and discord after this i guess.

we are off to a great start, because this game actually has fat characters in it! its a bit too cutesy anime aesthetic for my taste, but thats personal preference, this is absolutely something that qualifies. maybe all i needed was 3 or 4 filters! of course that is not true because there were several generic hentai games ahead of and behind this one, but first row on the first page, im going to remain positive.

after this we immediately start hitting duds. femboy baristas, bodybuilder physiques, high poly hairless porn star physique CGI women, all of these games explicitly mention that they feature LGBT, queer, or gay relationships. now i know i said i wasnt aiming to mock individual games, but i cannot resist the urge to draw attention to "The Date on Elm Street", a game that features a yassified freddy krueger.

we march on. moe yuri girls who are allegedly adults, skinny college boys, you get the idea. i may have found one game with body diversity among the character designs but i still havent found anything that i feel i can see myself in. gonna have to buckle up and dig for a while i guess.

brief aside, i am judging these games based on scrolling through every available screenshot, teaser, and trailer uploaded to their page. it is entirely possible there could be characters i dont know about that are bangable within these titles, but if that is the case there is still the issue that all of the promotional material exclusively features hot skinny anime people.

for all this effort i walk away with one (1) game that could possibly qualify as being a queer, body diverse dating sim. there were a few dating sims meant for gay men that had a single fat character present, but when theyre lost amongst all the flawless twinks and bodybuilders i hesitate to afford credit.

however. i am leaving out a game i was directly recommended. Hardcoded.

that is not promising. its the only character depicted in screenshots aside from a one eyed cat and this person

but i have to assume that these are not the only characters in this game, so i am actually going to download and play it, seeing as it was recommended to me in relation to the topic of lack of diversity in sex focused games.

total aside here, this feature left me guessing. is the sex in this game rpg style random encounters? i have to assume that if youre not interested in men, you could simply avoid trying to fuck any of the male characters. maybe after playing for a bit this checkbox will make more sense.

im starting to suspect that most people consider the presence of a single fat person to be Body Positive. REITERATING, i am not trying to give this developer in particular a hard time and i am absolutely not encouraging anyone else to, this game is cute so far, im glad there is a game like this starring a trans character, we're just sticking to my original complaint.

im gonna save bandwidth (and my blog from the fate of a mosaic avatar) by not posting any further screenshots, there is a character with wide hips, the character with the prosthetic arm, and the hyper tits sex droid as far as any deviation from conventionally attractive skinny people goes. im just now realizing this post is formatted like a somethingawful lets play, humiliating. anyway the conclusion i came to is that when i complain about the lack of fat hairy dykes and trans people who are Visibly Trans™ in erotic video games i am indeed completely justified because even queer produced erotic video games do not seem to have these things. im right, everyone else is wrong, goodnight.

#long post #like a long ass post

[loathsomeloner]

So! I finished my first playthrough of Andromeda Six a couple days ago and I enjoyed it a lot! I had a lot of fun going through the story and I'm really excited for the next chapter even if it's probably gonna be a while till it's out-

I really wanted to ramble about the game here on tumblr so I thought that just for fun I could make a list about what I liked and didn't like about the game! The list will be under the cut :)

DISCLAIMER Just in case: This is in no way meant to be some objective/critical review about the game this is literally just meant to be me rambling my opinion sooo don't take this too seriously. Also story spoilers!!!

Alright the things I liked!!:

The Main Story: I'm a sucker for fun space sci-fi adventures with spcaeships and planets and aliens etc etc especially when the main characters are a group of vagabond rouges (with found family sprinkled in :>) so that was an immediate eye catcher for me. Also the fact that the plot is a "Lost heir has to take back the throne" type deal was really cool too, a little cliche? sure but I never take that as a bad thing

The Characters: Pretty much every single character was a delight to see in action, June was probably my favourite character out of everyone (even though I didn't play his route lmao-) followed closely behind by Vexx and Damon. The entire A6 crew were so fun to watch interact and talk and I always found myself wanting to see more of them. The only character I could say I didn't like was Zane, but everyone else was really fun!

The Art: Not much to say here, the arts just really nice, I wanna see if I can find the main artist on social media somewhere. The backgrounds especially are beautifully done

The 'Nerissa is Alive!!' reveal: After looking through the tags for A6 I saw that this specific plot twist was a bit of a hot topic among the fandom so I thought I'd share my opinion on it too. For the most part, I liked the reveal! I mainly love the fact that the reveal gives way to more drama regarding the MC and their future and how they can decide if they want to immediately revert back to their status as royalty and work alongside their older sister to restablish the monarchy, or decide they think the monarchy was kindas shitty even when Zovack wasn't in charge and they'd rather get to be their own person with the A6 crew. I'm really hoping that choosing to do the latter (which is what I did) leads to a lot of tension between the MC and Nerissa, possibly even a huge fight (Siblings to enemies even?? that would be amazing imo). Overall I think the plot twist could lead to a lot of cool stuff and I'm eager to see what Wanderlust Games does with it

And now onto things I didn't like:

Some of the Writing: Yeah... Honestly even though I enjoyed the game and it's story there's a couple things about the writing I didn't like that much. I won't list everything I found iffy but my biggest gripe is that the game has a lot of tell don't show, don't get me wrong I'm no writing master and it's not the worst thing in the world, but the moments where the characters would just info dump their entire life story in a conversation kinda irked me a bit, I wish we could learn the characters individual stories in a different way

The Pacing: I get that this is a small team limited to a 10 chapter story but tbh I wish the story could've moved just a tad bit slower so we could spend more time in each planet since it feels way too quick and we get limited to only seeing one small part of an entire planet. I also understand that there were probably both out of story and in story reasons as the why we only got to spend such a short amount of time on certain planets, but still, I just kinda wish we got to stay in one place for a bit longer

The Character Design: Okay, so for the most part I think the character designs are all pretty good, I like the clothes and how everyone feels very distinct from one another, overall the game has good character design. It's just that... in my opinion... the designs for the alien species..... are SO DAMN BORING!! The Tilaari I think looks fine even if I think they'd look more interesting if they had at least one alien feature like extra eyes or horns or something, other than that though they look fine. The Kithalpha though... oh my god.... I went into the game reading the description and expecting to see some cool mix of fish and human but instead I get the most bland alien design ever, it's literally just a human but with gills! I didn't even notice there were Kithalpha characters!!!! The game had to tell me that Ayame and the green guy were Kithalpha!!! Other than that I would've never known!!! And that's terrible!!!! (Not to mention that if I'm remembering correctly the game doesn't even say once that Vexx was part Kithalpha, I had to find that out from the Dev's twitter) I'm not even saying that they had to look like some monster alien creature of the black lagoon type thing but the Kithalpha characters couldve had just something anything that made them more distinct! Give them fins or scales or a tail heck ANYTHING FISH RELATED!!!! THEYRE DESCRIBED AS HUMANOID CREATURES WITH THE ABILITY TO ADAPT TO THEIR ENVIRONMENT BUT WE JUST GOT HUMAN + GILLS????? I was so dissatisfied with how boring the Kihtalpha looked that I actively gave my MC more inhuman features despite them being a Kithalpha, fuck the canon Kithalpha look my MC's gonna be a special little snowflake and the devs can't stop me

And Lastly, The 'Nerissa is Alive!' Reveal: So... Yeah. While I do like the twist itself cause of the possibilities, I'm gonna be honest I do agree that the set-up/execution was pretty shit. I don't wanna harp on this too much because this can be fixed as the game updates and gets completed, but still the twist ends up making things feel confusing or downright pointless in hindsight. My biggest annoyance was how literally in the episode right before the reveal we literally get a whole explanation from Vexx describing how he shot and killed Nerissa, like he literally told us how he held the body and saw all the blood but then one episode later surprise Nerissa is doing just fine, there's not even an explanation as to how she survived that (I think I read somewhere that apparently the devs said she was shot through the heart?? Idk if that's true but if it is I- How the fuck did she survive that????) we're just told that K just took her and dipped. Again, this is stuff that can be fixed later on, but it's still kinda annoying

----------

Aaaaand that's about it! Again, don't take this as a critical review, despite my gripes with the game I do still genuinely enjoy it

I'm probably gonna ramble about the game some more in the future, mainly about my MC cause damn did I fall in love with and hyperfixate on him so hard as I was playing. Honestly I'm kinda inspired to create a mini rewrite of the story from my MC's proper perspective without the VN's limitations kinda like how the tumblr account andromedasix did that with their MC

#andromeda six #a6 #andromeda 6 #visual novel #sci fi visual novel #a6 game

[scarlet--wiccan]

I’m still meh about marvel. I believe that teddy and billy are still underdeveloped characters that are being used as a golden ticket for Disney. I feel like they’ve both ‘lost’ traits about their personalities and are very attached to each other, this is being used in a devious way imo… also they’re comics biggest lgbtq+ couple yet it doesn’t seem like it, more tokenised. Forever stuck together in infinity comics. I wish the best for them, I do for the whole maguns family but I can’t help but be sick of the way marvel treats them. Like also tommy, I think luna has more appearances than him lol. There’s so many cool things they could do but don’t, explore dynamics, re write retcons exc.

I mean you’d think billy would be really mentally unwell fighting these wars in space. Plus the identity issues both the twins would have. Marvel could do so much yet decide not too. I just feel melancholy when it comes to billy and teddy these days. I feel like it’s gonna get worse, especially since the mcu is trying to adapt ‘billy’ but in the most horrific way. I’d love to hear allan heinbergs thoughts on that lol. But yeah I don’t mean to be sappy, I just feel meh when I think of the missed opportunities and the way disney/marvel is treating them. bland in its nature.

While Billy and Teddy have never reached A-list status, I wouldn't say they've been underutilized. They are the only characters, along with Kate and America, to succeed as breakouts from Young Avengers, and they were consistently employed by Al Ewing for, like, six years, with an actual continuous storyline that spanned multiple titles and a major event. That doesn't happen for many characters, and I'm sorry, but that's not tokenizing to me. They had a really strong arc and were written by multiple authentic voices. They have been more out of the spotlight lately, but they're also coming back soon in Guardians. I'm not saying you shouldn't be critical, but I'm honestly grateful that the 2010s worked out as well as they did, and I try to remember that until very recently, championing LGBT characters was an uphill battle at Marvel. In many cases, it still is.

Of course I want to see more of them, and of course I want there to be more follow-through on the implications of the Kree-Skrull Alliance. I loved Empyre and there's really not much I would change about that story, but it created a lot of loose ends and open questions that haven't been resolved yet, and that is frustrating. That's kind of the theme of the last couple years, though-- my main frustrations with Krakoa are very similar.

Regarding Billy's mental health, I'd rather see him demonstrate growth and healing than continue being defined by his depression, and to their credit, Ewing and Oliveira illustrated that pretty clearly on multiple occasions. We know that Billy still experiences these challenges, but we also know that he's better equipped to work through those challenges than he was in CC or YA-- and that resilience translates literally into more powerful magic.

I feel similarly about Wanda, and in both cases, it's a fine line to tread. You want to show hopeful futures, but you don't want to diminish the reality of the situation-- and in Wanda's case, the desire to repair her character from ableist, sexist writing can make it difficult to linger on her mental health. Ideally, there would be more time and space to show these characters going to therapy or putting in the daily effort of recovery, but unfortunately, that's not the sort of thing that gets prioritized in limited pages.

#billy kaplan #teddy altman