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vanteguccir · 4 months

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The right love for me | M.S.

Matt Sturniolo x fem!oc (Elena)

Summary: Where Elena and Matt grew up together, fell in love as kids but realized too late. Will there be any hope for them?

Warning: A little angst and mentions of cheating.

Word count: 4.5k

Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

Part 2

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Elena was born and raised in Boston, in a two-story house, next door to one of the most beautiful houses in the city, but not because of its external beauty, but because of who lived inside.

Elena grew up being the next-door neighbor of the Sturniolo triplets, she also studied at the same school as the three of them, these two factors made her and the trio become almost a fantastic quartet.

The four of them grew up together, ran down the street every day together, got dirty with dirt and mud on rainy days together, played cooking together (they were forced by her) and, best of all, they made mini "vlogs" together throughout their childhood and pre-adolescence, becoming literally inseparable.

Nick was Elena's confidant, always there to listen to her and give faithful advice to the girl, giving her a shoulder to cry on and a company to laugh when needed. Nick trusted Elena with his eyes closed and loved her with all his heart, so much so that she was the first one he came out to.

Chris was her partner in crime, the two grew up playing pranks on their parents, brothers (on his side) and neighbors. Chris saw Elena as his anchor, losing count of how many times he entered the girl's room through the window in the early hours of the morning to vent or just to be able to sleep with her company, dispelling his biggest fears.

Matt was a different case. Matt was the boy who took her as his date to every school dance and accompanied her to every friend's party. Matt was the boy who bought Elena flowers every week and took her to the city's summer amusement parks, always making sure to get her a different teddy bear. Matt was the boy who made her heart flutter, but also stay in a sacred calm; that made her body freeze, but also warm with affection. He was the one who introduced the feeling of love to her...

But who said he did anything about it? Despite acting almost like her boyfriend, Matt was afraid of rejection, after all, his heart belonged 100% to Elena and he couldn't bear having it completely stolen from him if she denied it. And that's why, out of a silly but genuine fear, he lost her.

At the age of 17, Elena moved to New York with her parents after her mother received a job offer that she couldn't refuse and that would open doors for her career. Seeing her leave was one of the hardest things Matt has been through, but the most painful was seeing her post on Instagram, 6 months after she left. Elena was dating, and it wasn't him.

Over time, things changed, the triplets moved to Los Angeles and grew dramatically on social media, becoming extremely well-known and loved on the Internet.

And Elena... well, Elena finished school and started International Relations at NYU, working at a coffee shop near her house so she could save money, since she was engaged. That's right, her boyfriend, Jeremy, of almost 2 years had asked her to marry him. It was a big shock and Elena had to think a lot before accepting, but it was her dream, to have a successful career and raise a family. Right?

Elena and Jeremy were in the middle of a month of decisions for the wedding, decoration, food, cake, clothes, etc., so Elena was feeling overwhelmed, it was a lot on her mind, and she found herself wondering if that was really what she wanted. Therefore, the girl (now woman) decided to pay a visit to her grandparents, who still lived in Boston. Cooling down in a place more than familiar to her seemed ideal now.

Elena just didn't expect that her grandmother would tell Mary Lou, and that Mary would tell Nick, who would tell his brothers, generating a secret collective trip to Boston. The triplets were dying to see Elena, after all, it had been 2 years since they had seen her best friend, or, in Matt's case, crush.

It was a Saturday morning when Elena landed in Boston, quickly grabbing her small suitcase and hailing a taxi at the airport's main pedestrian entry and exit gate, giving as her destination address her grandparents' house, which coincidentally, was on the same street where she grew up.

Elena planned to stay in Boston only until the next day, Sunday, since Monday she had classes again and she was going back to work, besides she knew that if she stayed much longer away from home, from Jeremy, he would lose his mind.

It didn't take long for Elena to arrive at her destination. The girl got out of the car after paying the taxi driver and took her suitcase from the trunk, thanking him once again before she knocked on the front door, waiting.

It was a big surprise for her when her grandfather opened the door and behind him were her best friends, Nick was holding a sign that said "WELCOME BACK, ELENA! WE MISSED YOU ♡", while Chris was holding three packets of her favorite candy in his hands and Matt held a bouquet of flowers that almost hid his red face, Elena wondered if it was from embarrassment or the heat from the summer.

The girl dropped the suitcase, bringing her right hand to her mouth, covering half of her surprised expression. She felt her eyes fill with tears, God, how she missed the three boys.

Next to her were her grandparents, with big smiles on their faces and bright eyes, watching her with a mix of affection and pride.

"Oh my God, you guys are crazy! What are you doing in Boston? I thought you were in LA!" Elena exclaimed, her voice cracking mid-sentence with high emotions.

"We were, but Grandma told our mom that you were coming here today and I couldn't handle missing my best friend anymore." Nick said as he placed the poster on the couch. He turned quickly and ran to the girl, hugging her tightly. The action seemed to wake Matt and Chris, who quickly moved and formed a mini line behind the oldest.

"Damn, you look old" Chris joked when his brother got out of the hug, laughing loudly when Elena hit his forehead. "Here, to sweeten your life." He scoffed, handing the candy packets to her.

"I have to check if these aren't sour candies, coming from you I expect everything." Elena joked, taking the candies and placing them on top of her suitcase. She opened her arms and hugged Chris momentarily.

Chris pulled away as they separated and positioned himself next to Nick, the two exchanging glances before turning their gaze to Matt.

"They're pink tulips, I hope they're still your favorites" Matt stepped forward, showing the full bouquet before handing it to her.

"Oh Matt, they're beautiful! Thank you" Elena received the bouquet, smelling them quickly and mentally punishing herself for blushing.

Matt smiled widely and watched her for a few seconds, only breaking out of his trance when he heard Elena's grandfather make a fake cough. The boy shook his head and walked away, lowering his gaze to the ground.

Elena quickly placed the bouquet on the coffee table and finally greeted her grandparents, placing kisses on their age-marked cheeks.

"Let's take these things to your room and make plans for the weekend!" Nick spoke loudly, throwing the candies to Chris and taking the small suitcase in his hands, before starting to climb the stairs without waiting for anyone.

Elena laughed loudly as she heard Chris swear at Nick as he bent down to pick up the packages that fell at his feet. Matt shook his head, smiling as he saw the girl take the bouquet with extreme delicacy.

The three following the oldest up the stairs.

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Hours later, the quartet found themselves in the triplets parents car, parked at the Mc Donald's they grew up going to, while eating their favorite burguers and catching up on conversations. They spent the afternoon driving around the places they went when young, which made Elena's heart warm, she missed that, that feeling of calm, without any burden, without obligations or responsibilities, just the interest of being happy.

During that early morning, Elena woke up to the sound of rocks hitting her window, which she quickly recognized. What surprised her was that when she got up and approached the window it wasn't Chris there, but Matt.

"What are you doing here?" Elena asked in a whisper after opening her window, squinting her eyes as she tried to better see Matt's silhouette in the pitch black night.

"Let me in." Matt whispered back, ignoring her question as he looked down to check if he wasn't about to fall off the edge of the roof.

Elena sighed and walked to the side, giving Matt space to enter through the window, closing it shortly after to stop the night wind of entering the room.

"What are you doing here at this time?" Elena asked again, sitting on the edge of her bed and watching him.

"As if I didn't pay you visits in the early hours of the morning before." He responded smiling, sitting on the bed and dragging himself until his back was against the headboard and his legs were stretched out on the mattress. He slapped his hand on the space beside him, looking at Elena.

The girl sighed but smiled, following his silent request.

"I missed you" Matt commented. "It's strange to live life without you with us"

"I miss you too" Elena replied, looking at him. "It's strange to only keep in touch on the phone and find out about some things through social media" She continued, receiving a nod from the brunette.

"You still have them" Matt realized as he noticed all the teddy bears he got for Elena piled up on top of the dresser next to the closet.

"Of course I have them, why would I throw them away? They're cute and remind me that you're actually good at something" She scoffed, receiving a light push from the boy.

"As if you weren't rooting like crazy for me while I was trying to hit the game targets" He mocked back, seeing Elena roll her eyes with a big smile on her face.

"Obviously, getting teddy bears is better than buying them, have you seen the prices of these little things?" Elena gave a low laugh when she saw Matt open his mouth exaggeratedly, soon after the two burst into laughter together.

"So, are you really going to get married?" Matt asked suddenly after they calmed down, looking directly at her.

"Yeah, I will" She replied, lowering her gaze to her hands, specifically to the silver ring on her left ring finger.

"You don't look very excited" He commented, making the girl sigh.

"I just... I don't know, I'm so young, you know? I'm only 20, getting married seems a bit drastic right now, but Jeremy thinks it will be good for our future, us having the same last name will help in the office" She replied, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What does he do for a living again?" The brunette asked.

"He currently works at his father's office and studies law," Elena said, noticing the grimace he made at her response. "What?"

"He doesn't seem like your type. In fact, he seems like quite a daddy's boy." Matt commented, regretting it seconds later after seeing Elena's eyebrows raise in surprise.

"And what do you know about my type, Matthew?"

"I'm sorry, ignore what I said" Matt intervened quickly, the last thing he wanted was to fight with Elena now, knowing that after that Sunday, he didn't know when he would see her again. Maybe at her wedding, the boy felt himself shudder at the thought.

Elena sighed.

"You know that my dream has always been to be successful with my career and have my own family. Us getting married would give me both... Having his last name, I will be able to start my International Relations profession within the office that soon will be his, which will make me grow faster on the career, and I'll have my own family." Elena spoke while gesturing.

"Sounds like there's a lot of self-interest involved" Matt commented.

"Matthew!" The girl exclaimed, making him raise his arms in a sign of redemption.

"Sorry, sorry." He sighed. "I remember, you know."

"What?" Elena looked at him confused.

"How you always wanted a family, when we were kids me, Nick and Chris were always messing around and you were playing mommy with your barbies. You wouldn't let go of that damn Baby Alive even if you were paid to, always taking her everywhere." Matt let out a laugh as he remembered, making Elena laugh along as she saw her own smaller figure running after the triplets with her doll in hands.

"You can't say anything, you always took care of my Baby Alive when I asked you to" The girl replied with a wide smile, watching Matt roll his eyes exaggeratedly while she laughed as quietly as she could.

The brunette turned to her to rebut, but stopped in his action, reinforcing in his mind every detail of the face of the girl who had his heart in her hands, details that he had memorized a long time ago and still found himself remembering and tracing in his mind on sleepless nights.

The two stared deeply at each other for what seemed like an eternity, before Elena looked away and fake coughed.

"Just think about your decision Elena." Matt asked softly before getting up from the queen sized bed.

"Where are you going?" Elena looked at him again, her eyes pleading, as if she was afraid he would leave her there, alone and without him.

"I'm going back home, if my mother wakes up and doesn't see me in bed in the morning, I'm sure she'll freak out, and the situation won't turn out very well for us." He spoke with a sigh, going to the window and opening it, looking back one last time, before moving outside, closing it again before disappearing from the girl's vision.

Elena stood still for a few minutes, processing the conversation and that last moment, feeling her heart sink at the thought of not seeing the boy again for a long time after Sunday. It felt like a goodbye.

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On the next day, Elena woke up significantly early as she felt the sun's rays coming through her window. As she opened her eyes, ready to complain about why it was so bright in the room, she remembered Matt leaving and how she forgot to get up and close the curtains.

The girl sighed, before getting up and getting ready for the day. She felt excited to be able to see her friends again, but her heart ached at the thought that that very night she would leave again.

After getting ready, Elena took her cell phone and saw a message left by Jeremy.

"I hope you're having a good time there. I can't wait to have you here again today, I can't stop looking at the wedding catalogues. Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla cake? xx, jeremy"

Elena sighed again, it's obvious she preferred vanilla, how did he not know that? The girl shook her head, deciding to answer him another time.

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"What are we doing today?" Nick asked as they found themselves in front of the triplets' door, as they had done years before.

"I thought we'd go to the amusement park, the one that only opens in the summer, you know? Like old days." Matt suggested. Elena looked at him when she heard about the park, quickly looking away when she saw him already looking back at her. She needed to stop this.

"Let's go then!" Chris spoke loudly, running over to his parents' car again, fiddling with the passenger door handle impatiently, begging Matt to unlock it.

Elena laughed at the action, running to the car too and soon getting into the back seat, sitting behind Chris's group, having a view of the driver's seat.

A few minutes later the four arrived at the amusement park and started going on the basic rides, which the four liked, bumper cars, roller coasters and carousel.

"Can we go on the ferris wheel?" Elena asked, puting her hands in a sign of prayer and looking at the three of them with a pleading look.

"I'm not going, it's too boring. I want to go to the arcade area" Chris replied, ignoring the girl who was begging.

"I want to go to the arcade too!" Nick shouted, raising his hand like a child and approaching Chris, making Elena roll her eyes and cross her arms with a huff.

"I'll go with you." Matt said looking at Elena, who smiled big, taking his hand and dragging him through the park to the ferris wheel line, ignoring the taller man's protests.

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"Wow, I don't remember the last time I entered a cabin like that" Matt commented, closing the small door behind him and sitting on the single bench next to Elena, who smiled as she nodded and looked at the outside view through the cabin's glass window.

Matt found himself watching her, taking note of her profile, feeling himself falling in love with her all over again.

It didn't take long for the wheel to start moving, the cabin swayed a little making Elena let out a surprised sound, holding onto Matt's arm to steady herself.

"Sorry, I don't remember it moving that much" She commented, smiling awkwardly as she took her hand off the boy's arm, watching him wave his hand like it was nothing.

The two focused their eyes outside the cabin, taking note of the people who looked like little ants as the cabin rose higher, the blue sky with few clouds, the light breeze that blew and the birds that passed by in the distance. Elena looked at the cabin ahead and saw a couple cuddling each other, smiling big as they also watched the view, and she found herself trying to remember if she had ever been through that with Jeremy, but her mind came out was blank.

Her chest tightened as she realized that she had never even been to an amusement park with Jeremy, or a park, or a romantic walk. With Jeremy it was always all about work and having the perfect status.

Her gaze changed from the couple to Matt, noticing that he was also looking at the couple, but quickly his blue eyes focused on her as well.

"I love being able to look at you up close like this," Matt whispered, as if he was afraid of speaking too loudly and end what they were having.

Elena smiled, blushing, but forcing herself not to look away from him, she didn't want to miss that moment for anything. Her eyes took in all the little details of Matt's face, his sparkling blue eyes with dilated pupils, his nose perfectly shaped and the right size for his face, his cheekbones slightly reddened by the heat, his big, messy hair, his beard starting to appear again due to the time without shaving it... She felt like she could stay there forever.

Matt moved slightly closer, stopping with his mouth centimeters from hers, seeming to wait to see if she would pull away, which she didn't. Elena held herself in place, yearning to feel him.

Matt, realizing that there was no movement on her part, moved closer until their lips touched, and Elena felt that everything she read in romance books about the sensations of electricity through her body and the fireworks around her when kissing her right person was true.

Matt let out a sigh through his nose at the sensation, feeling instant relief and as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He never wanted to leave there again.

It was just a touch of lips, but it was enough for them at that moment. It was exactly what they needed.

Elena pulled away first, still with her eyes closed, trying to prolong the feeling and sensations in her body and mind. When she opened her eyes, she noticed Matt already looking at her, smiling broadly, and she returned the smile.

"I love you." Matt blurted out, making Elena's eyes widen. "Elena, I'm sorry for not having said or done anything before, but I've loved you for as long as I can remember, since the first flower I plucked from my mother's garden and gave to you, since the first time you gave me your Baby Alive for me to take care of as if it were the most precious thing in the world, since the first day you asked me to kiss your scraped knee to heal it. I've loved you for so long and I was an idiot for not saying it. And it's okay if you don't want me, you're engaged, you have a life in New York and... Asking you to leave all of this is impossible, but I needed to tell you."

Before Elena could process it, the bubble around the two seemed to burst as the ferris wheel stopped and their turn was over, the little cabin door opening again.

Matt cleared his throat, getting up and helping Elena out. When they both touched their feet on the floor, Elena felt her cell phone vibrate, picking it up only to see that Jeremy was sending her a new message about the wedding, and at that moment she fell to reality, she had cheated on her fiancé with her best friend. A bitter taste entered her mouth, her body froze and a horrible feeling took over her heart. God, what did she do?

Elena quickly pulled away from Matt, feeling her hands shake. She put her cell phone in her bag and turned to the taller man, seeing him looking at her with a worried look.

"Matt I cheated on him... I-I cheated on my fiancé with you." She stuttered. Matt looked at her with a weight on his eyes, feeling horrible for having contributed to that, blaming himself for kissing her, wanting to go back in time and not even agreeing to go on the ferris wheel with the girl.

He loved her, but she didn't love him back, not like he wanted her to.

"Elena look, it's going to be okay, you can talk to him, I swear I won't approach you again, I'm sorry-"

"I-I need to go."

"What?" Matt stopped walking completely.

"I need to go Matt." She looked into his eyes, feeling guilty as she saw immense pain in the blue pools. "Don't go after me, please. I'm sorry."

Elena turned and ran away, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes without stopping and feeling an emptiness and weight in her chest, as if part of her had stayed with Matt.

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The girl got out of the taxi in front of her grandparents house and walked to the door, taking the spare key that her grandfather had given her, trying to unlock the lock with her blurry vision.

"Elena?" The girl heard her grandmother call from the kitchen after closing the door behind her.

"Hi grandma." Elena responded, her voice cracking from the held back cry.

Her grandmother quickly appeared at the kitchen door after noticing the difference in her granddaughter's voice, approaching with quick steps when she saw the youngest's red eyes and wet cheeks.

"Oh Elena, what happened?" The older woman asked worriedly, taking Elena's shoulders and leading her to the sofa, sitting her on the soft surface and sitting next to her.

"Why does love hurt so much, grandma?" Elena asked, letting out a sob. Her grandmother sighed, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Oh Elena, love doesn't hurt dear. It took me many years to learn that, if love is right for you and your heart, and it's reciprocal, it doesn't hurt, it wasn't made to hurt. It was with your grandfather that I learned that love is free, it is generous, it is safe and it empowers you in a way that makes you feel stronger and like you can conquer the world." The oldest explained with a smile. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I kissed Matt." Elena said, looking down at her hands, quickly looking away from the ring. "We went to the amusement park we went to as kids, I wanted to go on the ferris wheel and he accompanied me, we had a moment and we kissed."

"He always looked at you differently... And you at him, so much so that I swore you two would end up together. I remember all the times you came running here with a new flower in your hands and said it was from Matt, as If I didn't already know that." Elena smiled upon hearing her grandmother's words.

"But grandma, I'm engaged." She whispered regretfully.

"Do you love Jeremy?" The eldest asked, cupping her granddaughter's cheek and lifting her face so she could look her in the eyes.

"I-I... I don't know." Elena desperately tried to feel for Jeremy what she felt for Matt. "I don't feel about him what I feel when I think about Matt, or when I'm with him. Jeremy is an incredible man, with a planned and perfect life... I feel so pressured sometimes, like I have to be perfect all the time to fit in with him and his plans. It's not light, grandma."

Elena cried harder when she realized how heavy her days were with Jeremy, how she always had to have the most impeccable and perfect clothes, with the best posture, the most flawless makeup, the best-groomed hair and the best modes. How she felt about being looked at and evaluated by everyone all the time, especially at Jeremy's parenting conferences or in her father's office.

"Elena, pay close attention to me, what does your heart say if you spend more time worrying about perfection than kissing him? If you spend more time in the day thinking about a thousand things than living love lightly? Do you feel like to run away when with him? Honey, I'm sorry, but that's not love. Not the right one for you, at least."

Elena looked at her grandmother, surprised by her wisdom and how it all made sense.

Jeremy was a perfect man, but not for her. Matt was her perfect match.

God, what would she do now? She ran out of the park and left Matt all by himself after he declared his love for her. And she still had Jeremy...

"I already know what I gave to do."

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Part 2

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silverfoxstole · 4 months

Text

Recording Shada in 2002.

From DWM 330, May 2003:

PAUL MCGANN

INTERVIEW BY GARY GILLATT

We first spoke in Vancouver in 1996…

[sings] Ah yes, I remember it well…

…And here we are in Bristol, years later, with James Fox and Andrew Sachs. Would you ever have thought it?

Well, when my agent was telling me about it, I thought we had a bad line. She said, ‘James Fox is in it, and Andrew Sachs, and so-and-so and such-and-such’ and I assumed I was mishearing. I mean, how could it be?

Were you familiar with the work of Douglas Adams?

Not really, only Hitchhiker’s Guide. I’m not a sci-fi reader at all, that’s not my thing. I didn’t really know a great deal about Adams – I certainly didn’t realise he was this amazing polymath. But Lalla speaks so eloquently and passionately about him, and I’ve come to understand why he was so well-loved and respected, and, of course, the quality of the script speaks for itself.

Are you enjoying playing the script?

Well, compared to last year’s plays, and the year before, you can definitely tell it’s from a different source. It has a different tack, and a whole different kind of wit. If you were at a blind tasting, and shown just a page or two of every script we’ve done, you’d easily spot that this one came from somewhere else, from a very fertile mind. It’s great stuff.

Everyone seems to have treated the script with great respect. Almost every line seems to be debated as you all try to get the best of out it.

Comedy is a very serious business. If it was a so-called straight drama, you probably wouldn’t find that much discussion.

So it’s exacting work?

Oh yes, very much so. If a thing is meant to be funny, you’ve got to make sure it’s funny, so you’ve got to get it right. In drama, your main directions are ‘quicker’, ‘slower’, ‘louder’, ‘quieter’. But on something like this you have to watch how you spin every word. It’s not something you can be lazy about.

I hear you’re missing India Fisher…

I sure am. Every time the studio door opens, I think she’s going to walk through. It’s the association with this place, where we do all these plays, and this is the first one we’ve done without her, so it seems very strange. She’ll be back next year, though, won’t she?

I certainly hope so. Will you?

Well, yes, that’s in the planning stages. Apparently, as was revealed to me yesterday, 2003 is the 40th anniversary of Doctor Who, and they’re planning something of a special with me and Davison and Sylv and Colin Baker. I think they’re going to have us as some sort of barbershop quartet or something.

So you’re still finding it fun, being the Doctor?

You sound very sure of yourself when you ask that… You’ve phrased the question to get the answer you want, I think!

Well, I guess as a fan, I’d like to think that Doctor Who likes being Doctor Who…

Well, I’ll put your mind at rest, then, because I am still enjoying it. I like working on audios more than on screen. Day in, day out, it’s just more of a laugh. Doing the visual work, on TV or in pictures, you never get to hang around with the rest of the cast. Here we can swap stories in the green room, or go off in a gang to the pub for lunch. When you’re working on pictures it’s not like that. You go in, do your little bit, and then you’re shunted off to a trailer out of the way. This is much more fun. It’s what being an actor is all about, and I have Doctor Who to thank for that opportunity.

Extracts from the recording of Shada:

The Doctor decides it’s time to get to the point. “What have you done with the Professor’s mind?” he asks.

“It will be put to a more useful purpose,” replies Skagra, haughtily.

“I would argue that it was serving a very useful purpose where it was.” ”Not to me.”

“You realise he died?” says the Doctor.

“Only his mind was of use to me,” says Skagra. “Not his life.”

“You take a very proprietorial attitude to people’s brains,” responds the Doctor, calmly.

“It seems to me,” says Skagra, his voice rising slightly, “that the Time Lords take a very proprietorial view of the Universe.”

There is a pause.

“Hold on,” says Lalla Ward, looking across the room to Nick, the director. “Surely the Doctor would be more accurate about his reference there. Skagra hasn’t stolen the Professor’s brain, only his mind.”

“That’s right,” agrees Andrew Sachs, dropping his thin, high Skagra voice. “The actual brains stay in their heads, don’t they?”

“It’s a good point,” replies Nick. “I imagine that Douglas was trying to avoid repetition of the word ‘mind’.”

“Well Douglas should have known better,” says Lalla, firmly. “And it’s a bit silly to worry about repetition of the word ‘mind’ now. It’s all ‘I want your mind, I want his mind’ for the next 60 pages.”

“So would you like me to change ‘brain’ to ‘mind’ on that line?” queries Paul McGann. “Because, y’know, I think the Doctor would be far more accurate about his reference there.”

—-

The Krag commander growls its greeting to Skagra. “What are your orders, my Lord?”

Andrew Sachs peers over his script. “Cod and chips twice, please. And a carton of mushy peas.”

—-

Paul McGann is recording assorted screams and moans to signify the Doctor’s mistreatment by Skagra’s mind-sucking sphere. “Argh!” he groans, “Aargh…ugh…aaargh!”

“Thanks, Paul,” says Nick. “That’s just brilliant.”

“Three years at RADA for that!” laughs Paul gleefully. “Would you like me to do some more?”

Nick smiles and turns to Andrew Sachs. “Now could we just do your lines as the sphere attacks the Doctor again?” Andrew nods and clears his throat. “This time, Doctor,” sneers the icy voice of Skagra, “This time no one will come to your rescue. I shall have your mind.” It’s chilling stuff.

“Y’know,” says Paul, “I believe you!”

“Poor Skagra,” says Andrew. “I have the feeling he’s a very lonely man. I think he needs a wife and kids. A talking spaceship’s no real substitute for the love of a good woman, is it?”

—-

Skagra has some seriously sexy transport, and the Doctor is stealing it.

“Ship!” shouts the Doctor. “Activate all re-aligned drive circuits.”

“Something very strange is happening,” says the ship, all sultry sibilance.

“Ta-daa!” cheers the Doctor.

Hannah Gordon is in a separate sound booth. “Should I be getting more roused there?” she asks over the loudspeaker.

“I don’t think so,” says Nick. “Just keep it honey-voiced and seductive.”

In the gallery, artist Lee Sullivan crosses his legs. “I don’t think I can take much more,” he says. “I may have to leave the room. I never found myself attracted to a spaceship before!”

In the studio, Sean Biggerstaff is fidgeting with his headphones. “It’s very strange working with a sexy, disembodied voice in your ear,” he says.

“I can’t see any downside to that,” muses Paul.

“Hey, that’s me you’re talking about,” replies Hannah in a sexy, disembodied way.

—-

An invisible spaceship,” smiles Lalla. “Such a brilliant idea from Douglas.”

“And now we have an invisible spaceship on audio,” adds Paul.

“Douglas would have laughed at that. It’s just so marvellously perverse.”

“Shall we go and explore it?”

“Oh, yes, let’s explore…”

#doctor who #eighth doctor #8th doctor #big finish #shada #paul mcgann #lalla ward #john leeson #andrew sachs #james fox #susannah harker #sean biggerstaff #hannah gordon #doctor who magazine #what poor k9 ever did to deserve a kick up the circuits is anyone’s guess #you meanie paul

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late-to-the-party-81 · 2 months

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For the very first time - Chapter 1

[or 5 times the Cap Quartet slept with eachother and one time they slept all together]

AN: So here’s a thing for the CA:TWS ten year anniversary and a big thanks to @catws-anniversary for the inspiration. It’s all just smut, but a few chapters do have some feels sprinkled in.

Each chapter is a different pairing of the Cap4 - this is your warning.

Beta’d by @kingofsorrow20

Likes are loved, reblogs are golden

Mood board by me and dividers by @firefly-graphics

Join my tag list here

Bingo and Challenge fills:

@stuckybingo - N2 - 5+1 format

@steverogersbingo - B1 - First time

@stuckygeekevents - V2 - “You’re my best friend.”

Master list | SRB Master list | Stucky Bingo Master List | Stucky Geek Bingo Master list

Chapter Summary: Steve feels so much for his best friend and roommate and he wishes Bucky felt the same. But there’s no way he would, is there?

Chapter Relationship: Steve x Bucky

Chapter Word count: 2.7k

CW: Pining, Accidental Nudity, Realisation of feelings, Friends to lovers, First time blow job, Facial, Confident Bucky

Steve and Bucky - 1936

Despite his protests following his mother’s funeral, it only took two weeks for Bucky to wear Steve down and persuade him of the advantages of moving in together. Steve would’ve liked to have said that, despite his stubbornness, he’d seen the sense in Bucky’s suggestion. However, despite the fact that his health often meant that he couldn’t work properly and he’d probably have issues maintaining rent on his own, he had to admit to himself that it was more that he would do anything for Buck. And again, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t convince himself it was just because Bucky was his best friend. The sight of Bucky made his mouth go dry and took his breath away - a bit of a problem for someone with asthma - and he couldn’t say no, despite not knowing how he’d actually cope living with Bucky.

Being around him every day.

Sharing a bedroom.

Seeing Bucky walk around in just his undershorts.

His feelings about Bucky were a conflict within him. It wasn’t as if Steve didn’t like girls. He did, had touched himself in the privacy of his own room thinking about them. But he’d also thought about Bucky too and now he was going to have more fodder for his imagination but precious little alone time to do anything about it. Then there were the feelings of ‘wrongness’ and shame - he shouldn’t feel like this for his best friend, for another man. But he wanted to feel Bucky’s arms hold him, like Bucky held dames when dancing. He wanted to hear those sweet nothings being poured into his good ear. He wanted to smell the Bucky’s cologne on his skin the day after the night before. He wanted to taste Bucky on his tongue. The thought of it all tortured him.

It continued to torture him over the next few months. Every day when Bucky came home from working the docks, covered in sweat, he’d start stripping off as soon as he walked through the door, discarding his clothes in a trail all the way to the bathroom as he yapped away about this, that and everything. Then he’d come out again, a threadbare towel, precariously anchored, low on his hips as he rubbed his hair dry with a matching one, his damp chest with its sprinkling of dark hair that Steve just itched to stroke, just there for anyone to see. He’d be making small talk with Steve, asking him how his day was and what was for dinner, as though Steve was his wife. The images this conjured in Steve’s mind did not make things any easier.

Then, to top it off, Bucky was a toucher. A hugger. Steve would often find himself pulled into a surprise embrace, or dragged down onto Bucky’s lap. Sometimes, if he were already on their ratty, lumpy couch, Bucky would sit down next to him, then lay his head in Steve’s lap and place Steve’s hand on his head, like a puppy asking for head scratches. Anyone of these could also happen when Bucky was still just in his towel. Steve didn’t know how long his heart - already not the best at doing its job - would hold out. It was inevitable that at some point, Steve would embarrass himself, he just didn’t know when.

“Hey, Stevie, d’ya know where my cologne is?” Bucky’s voice echoed across the small apartment while Steve stirred the soup on their hot plate. It was Friday night and Bucky was planning to go out, hence searching for his cologne. He’d also been trying to persuade Steve to come with, and Bucky would find a ‘nice dame’ for him to practise dancing with.

Steve was not in the mood. He didn’t want to go out and meet girls. And he absolutely didn’t want Bucky doing it either. But he couldn’t say that, so he just stewed in his thoughts instead. If Bucky noticed, he didn’t say anything, but Steve had decided Bucky was oblivious to most things by now, because there was no way otherwise that Bucky couldn’t see the heart Steve was wearing on his sleeve.

It didn’t help that last time they’d gone out, Bucky having persuaded two girls to meet him and his friend down the Irish Bar, that the girl who had been designated as ‘Steve’s date’, had barely looked at him, let alone talked to him, and Steve had felt like a spare part the entire time, Bucky taking it in turns to dance with the two girls, while sending Steve sympathetic glances. Steve had ended up drinking too much that night and Bucky had had to practically carry him home. Steve still held onto the memory of Bucky’s hands holding him, even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted.

“Steeeeevieeeeeeee!”

With a sigh, Steve turned off the hot plate and turned towards their bedroom, aiming to retrieve Bucky’s cologne right from where it had been left last Sunday.

“Buck, you’re my best friend, not my child,” he chastised. However, at that moment fate decided it had had enough of Steve’s mooning and needed to put things to right in the most mortifying way possible.

As Steve crossed the space, Bucky exited the bathroom, as usual only wearing a towel. Distracted by the sight of a rivulet of water running down between Bucky’s pecs, Steve tripped on his Ma’s rug and went sprawling towards the floor. He put his hands out in front of him, desperate to break his fall and not a bone, and his fingers automatically clutched around the fabric in front of him.

It was as he landed on the floor, cracking his right elbow, that he realised that whatever he’d grabbed wasn’t sturdily attached to anything. He shook his head and as his vision cleared he saw that in his hands was a towel.

A damp towel.

A towel that had been wrapped around Bucky, but wasn’t any longer.

Steve looked up from his position on the floor, then immediately closed his eyes, but it was too late. The image of Bucky’s bare cock had seared itself onto his retinas within those few seconds and suddenly Steve was worried he was going to have a panic attack and set off his asthma. At least if he died he wouldn’t be mortified for long.

“Hey,” Bucky asked, voice full of concern. “You okay there, pal?”

Steve swallowed, his tongue feeling thick and oversized for his mouth. “Yeah,” he somehow managed to force out. “I’ll get up in a moment. Just let me…” He knew he was blushing - it didn’t take much - and he hoped that Bucky would think it was because he was embarrassed from falling rather than seeing him. However, Lady Lucky was not on his side.

“Steve. Look at me.” There was something in Bucky’s voice. A tone that Steve hadn’t heard before, and it commanded him - he had no choice except to obey. He opened his eyes again and raised his head. His gaze lingered a moment too long on where it shouldn’t, before meeting Bucky’s eyes. Steve gasped at what he saw. Bucky’s eyes were dark, their normal ice blue reduced to a thin ring around widened pupils, and there was a flush on Bucky’s cheekbones. “You seem a bit taken with my cock there, buddy,” Bucky teased darkly and Steve blushed more, completely unable to hide his feelings any longer, consequences be damned. He was kneeling on the floor in front of his naked best friend - the man he loved damn it - eyes wide, mouth open and with what he was sure was a very obvious tent in his pants.

When Bucky’s voice dropped an octave and he asked “Do you wanna touch it, Stevie?” Steve’s whole body shuddered. “You can if you want,“ he coaxed. “Can even get those pretty lips on it as well if the feeling takes ya.”

Steve moaned, his eyes fluttering shut at just the thought. His fingers clenched into fists before opening again, spread wide as if searching for purchase.

“I’ve seen you looking, doll,” Bucky continued. “Was wondering when you were gonna say or do something. Knew you had to get here in your own time. But fellas liking other fellas is more common than you think. I like you, Stevie. More than you know.”

Steve felt Bucky’s hand land on his head, Bucky’s calloused fingers threading through his straw coloured hair and Steve couldn’t help but lean into it. He wanted to do what Bucky had said, but he couldn’t do it on his own. He needed help.

“Buck….” he whispered, a plea to the man who was as important to him as god. He was going to hell with his eyes wide open.

“I gotchu, sweetheart,” came the answering drawl. “Put your hands on my legs to start with. They’re just my legs. You’ve seen ‘em lots before.”

Steve did what he’d been told, eyes open only a crack, and he felt the thick, coarse hairs of Bucky’s thighs tickle his palms. He couldn’t help but gently rub them up and down, hypnotised by the sensation, and heard Bucky chuckle.

“That’s it, Stevie,” Bucky coaxed. “Touching me’s not scary. What about a little higher?” Again, Steve did as he’d been asked, hands sliding up to grasp Bucky’s hip bones. Bucky’s cock was right there in front of his face, and through his hazy vision Steve could see that it was chubbed up, thick and heavy looking. Bucky was cut, befitting his religion, and there was a small drop of pre-cum on the very tip of it, inviting Steve to sin.

Slowly, as if swimming in honey, Steve moved his right hand. He extended his index finger and gently ran it down Bucky’s length, swiping the drop from the end and then placing his finger in his mouth to taste it. He groaned as the salty, musky flavour burst over his tongue.

Bucky’s hand tightened in his hair and he let out a groan. “My sweet, dirty, Stevie. Fuck. Touch me again, sweetheart. Please.” Bucky might have been in charge of this encounter, but it seemed he wasn’t above begging. A thrill rippled through Steve at the realisation, buoying his confidence, and he extended his hand again, this time wrapping all of his fingers around Bucky’s rigid flesh.

They both let out a sigh and Steve gave Bucky’s cock an experimental tug, delighting in how another pearlescent drop appeared from the slit. He couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

Steve leant forward and flicked his tongue over the tip of Bucky’s cock, collecting the liquid straight from the source and then a moment later he was taking his first, experimental suckle. It felt so right!

“God, Steve! Can’t believe this is finally happening.” Bucky babbled away and his other hand joined his first on Steve’s head, holding him in place as Steve explored with his lips and tongue, his right hand still lightly jerking the lower half of Bucky’s cock. His left hand slid from Bucky’s hip to cup his heavy-hanging balls, and Steve marvelled at how strange it was to be touching genitals that, while familiar looking, were not his own. However, he must have been doing something right, because Bucky’s hips kept jerking slightly, as though he were trying to keep still but was having a hard time doing so.

Feeling emboldened, Steve wondered how much of Bucky’s cock he could actually fit in his mouth. He relaxed his jaw and slid forward even further, until he felt the tip bump against his soft palate and he gagged. He drew back quickly with a spluttering cough, and tears rolled down his cheeks. A feeling of dread washed over him. Had he fucked up? Would Bucky push him away and call him names? However, much to Steve’s relief, Bucky instead moved his right hand and wiped Steve’s tears away with his thumb.

“Easy, doll. You gotta work up to that. Just do what’s comfortable. I can assure you, it’s perfect.”

Steve preened under the praise and returned his lips to worshipping Bucky. He increased the speed and firmness of the strokes of his hand, touching Bucky the way he touched himself, hoping that Bucky liked it. He sucked and licked at Bucky’s cock and fondled his balls with his other hand, feeling the undeniable urge to make Bucky come. He had to do it, had to prove to himself and Bucky that he could.

Bucky’s fingers in his hair hurt a bit, but it was a good hurt, each wave of sensation making its way to his own cock, trapped inside his pants. His knees ached from kneeling on the floor, but he didn’t care - all there was, was Bucky.

The only noises were those of Bucky’s panting and the wet slurps from Steve’s lips, until Bucky stilled Steve’s head, causing him to glance up.

“‘M gonna come, Stevie. Need to let you know that’s what’s gonna happen if you keep going.”

Steve pulled off reluctantly, but knew he had to answer. “Want you to come, Bucky. Wanna taste you.” He’d heard tales of girls who did this to boys and he wondered if any had done it for Bucky? Whatever the truth of it, he was gonna do it too. Show Bucky how much he loved him.

“Fuck, doll,” Bucky groaned. “Gonna kill me with that mouth.”

Steve couldn’t help but grin. “That’s the plan,” he retorted and then went back to what was probably going to become one of his favourite things to do.

Bucky hadn’t been lying though. His breathing got more ragged and his little hip thrusts became more frequent and intense as he lost the ability to control his reactions. Steve felt Bucky’s balls draw up within his palm and readied himself as best he could, taking as much of Bucky’s cock into his mouth as possible and sucking hard.

Bucky exploded with a drawn out moan, his cum filling Steve’s mouth at an alarming rate. Steve had no choice but to pull back to avoid choking. However, Bucky’s cock continued to spurt, and jets of white splattered over Steve’s face, dripping down his chin and onto his shirt. He swore some was even in his eyebrows, but he still continued to stroke Bucky’s cock until the flood reduced to a trickle and Bucky’s hand relaxed in his hair.

“Oh, God, Steve. Shit. Look at you!” Bucky dropped to his own knees and lifted his towel from the floor, using a corner of it to wipe the worst of his cum from Steve’s smiling, dopey expression. Then, in the next moment, he cupped Steve’s face in his hands and kissed him. Steve squeaked, taken aback by Bucky’s action and somehow finding this act more intimate than what they’d just done.

Lips still joined, Bucky pulled Steve to his feet, and it wasn’t until Steve found himself scooped up in Bucky’s arms that he managed to find his way back to reality.

“W-what’s going on, Buck? What are you doing? Thought you were going out?” Confusion was writ large over his face. As much as he wanted Bucky to eschew his social life in favour of him, he hadn’t thought for a moment that it would happen.

“Like I’m gonna go out now? Why would I need to? I’ve got my best guy right here, and I’ve gotta treat him right.” He gave Steve a cheeky wink, and Steve realised what all those girls must have felt like.

“What d’ya mean ‘treat me right’,” he queried, intrigued as to what Bucky meant.

“Well,” said Bucky, cocking his head towards Steve’s lap as he placed him on his bed, “looks like you got a bit of an issue there, and thought I might return the favour if that’s alright with you.”

Steve grinned, his heart flipping in his chest in a way that wasn’t related to his ill-health. “More than alright, Buck. I can’t wait. I just apologise if I don’t last long.”

“Don’t worry, Stevie - I’ll just take it as a compliment.”

Chapter 2

Tag list: @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky, @kmc1989, @kombatfather1796, @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @crayongirl-linz, @mightstill, @endlesstwanted

#CA:TWS #Cap Quartet #Barbershop Quartet #Stucky #Steve x Bucky #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers bingo round 3 #stucky bingo #stucky geek events bingo

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rapturesbest · 7 months

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Fort Frolic is becoming more and more popular the longer the games are out, much to my thill, as this means people are looking more and more into the muses, the Disciples, the quartet. Which is delightful. I have seen a lot of posts ranging from early 2015 blogs and art pieces as well as forums to modern, recent takes and character dives.

Of course, fandom is a space in which to explore and grow our own thoughts and theories. Some of the posts I have seen are certainly… choices. I have been putting off a brief character study of the muses until my wife and I have finished editing and splicing together our complete comprehensive history of the Disciples.

I have been working on breathing life into these characters for years now. Pulling from every media as well as looking into any rabbithole I could.

The reason behind this post is not to claim others work and ideas as incorrect but instead is to bring my findings to light. Share with you what is one of my two life’s works.

A brief character study of Kyle Fitzpatrick

Oh where to begin with my beloved boy. His canon appearances are so short lived. With three canonical lines I all but built him from the ground up. He is mentioned during DLC Burial at Sea 1 with no voice lines BUT that does give us where he was on New Years Eve, which I will talk about later in this post. He is not mentioned at all in Rapture by John Shirley. But this doesn’t mean that we don’t have clues and context for him as a character.

Let’s start with his name, Kyle Fitzpatrick.

Kyle is a Scottish-Gaelic name and FItzpatrick is an Irish surname. Coincidence right? No. Based purely on his name we can place his origin in either Ireland or Scotland, which comes into play when we dive further into his place within Rapture’s society.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Oh but he doesn’t have an accent! In his voice lines he doesn’t have an accent.” and you’re right. He doesn’t. Let’s talk about that.

Kyle was employed by Sander Cohen, we know that as a hard fact. We also know as a hard fact that Sander Cohen was heavily on the side of Andrew Ryan when it came to the Ryan vs Fontaine bias. After the Death of Frank Fontaine who rose up in his place to challenge Andrew Ryan? Atlas. Atlas is a working class Irishman. Now, don’t you think it’s rather unseemly to have someone who is in the inner circle of Ryan supporters having a similar accent to his biggest adversary?

Of course, the scottish-gaelic accent is actually quite different from Fontaine’s accent as Atlas, but we also know for a Hard Fact that there is still racism within Rapture. Therefore by piecing together the racism as well as Cohen’s connection to Ryan we can deduce that Fitzpatrick was trained to cover his natural accent to keep up appearances within Fort Frolic and Rapture as a whole.

Next, Let’s talk about his age. We know Cohen referred to him as “Young Fitzpatrick.” I have seen a million and a half headcanons and ideas on how young “young” is. For this I’m pulling from the book, Rapture, with Martin’s POV. While the Rapture book is not considered Canon, it played a very important part in my construction of Kyle. We know from that that Cohen and by proxy, his disciples, are not only privy but are actively involved in a lot of skeezy, under the table, unorthodox practices and circles. Why does this matter? Because it feeds directly into Kyle Fitzpatrick’s age. In my construction of Kyle I placed him very firmly at the age of 21 when he died. So young right? Yeah I agree, but I have several reasons behind this. The first being that I do not believe that his prefrontal cortex is completely matured; I will touch back on this later. It’s not unknown that I am an avid fan of BaS and I really liked Elizabeth’s line of “This city values children. Not childhood.”

Kyle is the youngest of the muses. Being 17 at the time of Cohen scouting him, 18 when he was made an official disciple and 21 at the time of his death. I’d like to explain my reasoning behind the gap between him being scouted and him being debuted as a proper disciple. We know for another Hard Fact that all four of Cohen’s disciples (as well as others) had a physical, sexual relationship with their employer. Martin mentions it, Silas mentions it. Hector’s audio diary mentions it. Kyle was not excluded from this though I think he was not actively sought after by Cohen as much as other muses were. Cohen is smart, very smart, he knew that bringing on someone under the age of consent would not go over well with Ryan nor a number of the other key players within the social hierarchy. Kyle was groomed for the months leading up to his official debut. Which we know many went through but only 4 have managed to pass. I can go into further detail into his test. But I will spare you the details. He was pushed into the spotlight the second he turned 18 in 1956.

Let’s talk about why he was so young. Kyle is nothing less than a musical protege. He is incredibly talented, especially at such a young age. He is *young* he is not *stupid*. I’ve read a lot of people saying that they think that he’s naive or trusting and I’d like to counter that by saying that he’s impressionable, not naive. Cohen chose him because he knew he could mold him into something special. Which he did. Kyle is brilliant. But don’t think for one second he was stupid. He had three people constantly telling him that he was being manipulated by Cohen, by his Sponsor, by several players in Rapture. But he *chose* to ignore them.

Let’s break that down. Kyle was a victim of love bombing and near constant manipulation from almost everyone around him. I plan on doing an indepth dive into the mental illness within Rapture and the effects it had on those within the city.

Kyle was pulled in two separate directions. After working extensively on fitting him into the world created by 2K as well as John Shirely I chose to have his Sponsor be no one less than Frank Fontaine.

I do have a reason behind this. We know from all media types that Fontaine is an opportunist. Ryan always kept him at a distance. Never really trusting him. Not allowing him into the proper inner circle of Rapture like some of the other businessmen. I think especially in 1956, once things were properly starting to get heated, Fontaine would have looked for a way to worm his way into the inner social circle. He had a lot of people on his payroll, this we know for another fact. But how far did that really spread?

In order to explain the next part of Kyle’s backstory I have to derail to talk about Frank Fontaine. I can cite several occasions where Frank Fontaine openly or internally admits to blackmail, manipulation, sexual favors and paying off several people within Rapture in order to get ahead or get his way.

We know for a solid FACT that he had someone in nearly every part of Rapture with the exception of Fort Frolic. I always found that interesting. Why would the person with his hands in nearly every part of Rapture not be actively seeking out someone within the gossip hub of Rapture.

Unless he did.

I pride myself on fitting my work into being completely canon compliant. Fitting Kyle into the greater canon of Rapture was… difficult. I had to play fast and loose with a lot, backbending and jumping through hoops in order to bring such an insignificant character.

Kyle was young, this we know. Impressionable. I believe that Frank Fontaine saw him as someone he could easily get information out of.

Another solid fact we know is that Cohen didn’t care much for Fontaine or later Atlas. But Sander Cohen is a connoisseur of the arts. He can appreciate people with money, especially when it comes to funding his projects. Fontaine being interested in sponsoring his youngest disciple would have been too tempting a lure to ignore and so Kyle’s ties to Fontaine began.

Let’s dive into the manipulation and abuse within Fort Frolic and Rapture as a whole. Yummy, right? I see again and again people claiming that Kyle was stupid or that he loved Sander Cohen and I firmly stand against these claims. Kyle is young but he’s not blind. Do I think Kyle was once infatuated by Cohen? Yes. He was. Especially for a kid who came from a rocky background. But I think many people forget that Martin had been with Cohen from day one, working for him topside before he joined him in Rapture. Kyle had access and very close relationships with people who had been around Cohen for a lot longer than he had been. But knowledge and outside perspective doesn’t always protect someone from gaslighting, manipulation and abuse. I think that the dynamic between the key players was… difficult. A lot happened out of the public eye, within Fort Frolic, within the Disciples relationships and most certainly the interlocking dynamics between sponsors and their subtle or active gathering of information.

I’m about to step out of my semi-formal setting to get down and dirty real quick. I know y’all Sander Cohen kinnies gonna hate me for this one but that man is absolutely an abuser. We know this. He’s a sadist. And while I *love* that for him, he absolutely took out his artistic (or personal) rage on his disciples. There is a lot of room for disdain between disciple and artist. The prime written example of this is Martin considering just fucking killing Cohen when he first started to splice in 1956. The next example I’m going to pull is from the game with Hector Rodriguez. He says, and I quote, “the things that man made me do”. Which I always found interesting, saying as until the closure of Fort Frolic on New Years, they had *every* opportunity to leave all together. Of course, I could go into heavy detail into why each of the muses stayed but I will spare you. I’m here to talk about Kyle. Why did Kyle stay?

By 1958 Kyle was very firmly rooted within the upper class of Rapture. He was renowned as a musical genius as well as held a lot of social power from his dealings with Fort Frolic as one of Cohen’s Disciples as well as his ties to the essentially untouchable Empire that Frank Fontaine had created.

He was 19 years old and was untouchable by consequences for his actions. If Cohen didn’t bail him out of sticky situations, Fontaine would. Their dynamic is extremely interesting to me and I’d love to really get into the meat of it, but again, I will spare you in this short dissertation. Kyle was feeding Fontaine information he got while in Ryan’s social circles and he was well paid for it. It was an investment, of course, but Kyle gave him valuable information on Andrew Ryan and the inner workings of Fort Frolic as well as started giving him the seeds of ideas for Atlas. Though that’s another rabbithole for another day.

Kyle was very dangerously intertwined with Fontaine, which did not go unnoticed by Ryan nor his associates. After the ‘death’ of Frank Fontaine, anyone who had any ties to him were detained and questioned extensively. Kyle being one of them. But again, a story for another day.

Kyle was young and impressionable, as I have stated before. But he was also constantly being manipulated, gaslit and abused by those who saw him as an asset rather than a person. They took advantage of his love and lust for life. Kyle was burned out in record time but that does not mean that he wasn’t an absolutely awful person. He was a teenager given an outrageous amount of power. He was making extremely questionable decisions and was facing very few consequences for his actions.

I am not defending him as a good person. Anyone who enjoys Bioshock knows that these characters are extremely flawed and that is what makes them so fucking interesting.

I can go on and on about how everyone in Rapture was a simple pawn in a bigger game in a city that was destined to fail, but that’s the beauty of Bioshock.

Kyle Fitzpatrick was not a good person but he was the PRIME example of what Rapture was made for. He was a kid who came from a backwater town in Ireland who clawed, bit and fucked his way to the top. He loved too much and it was taken advantage of, brutally. Do I think that love extended to Sander Cohen? No. Kyle recognized him as a genius, albeit an outdated one, but he did not love him. Not like he loved his fellow Disciples or his work. Cohen was a security blanket for his debauchery, he signed paychecks and Kyle was willing to entertain him until New Years.

It is my belief that it was Kyle’s plan to bail from Fort Frolic after the Civil War started. He was in too deep with Atlas and Ryan knew it. His choices had landed him directly in the spotlight. Secrets were exposed and Kyle was brutally punished for it until his death in 1960.

I plan on posting a complete comprehensive history of him as well as the other Disciples.

TLDR:// Kyle Fitzpatrick is a dirty little bastard man who’s age is being confused for him being naive or stupid. He doesn’t really love Sander Cohen and he got exactly what was coming for him.

#bioshock #rapture #fort frolic #kyle fitzpatrick #fort frolic radio

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bengiyo · 6 months

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What Did You Eat Yesterday? 2 Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, it was Christmas! We finally saw flashbacks with Shiro's ex, Nobu, and I hate him. Shiro can keep saying Kenji is not his type, but I saw the way he cried when he saw how much effort Kenji puts into their dynamic. As their dietary restrictions and tastes have shifted, they also agreed to change their Christmas menu tradition in favor of beef stew. It was a truly fantastic episode.

What is this worrisome blue sheen I er everything and these strange sounds?

Oh right, someone died in this apartment. They believe in ghosts. Thankfully the color has returned.

Aww, I'm sad now. Shiro never did New Years Eve stuff with friends because he was such a loner.

I really like how much better they handle arguments and compromise now, and I'm glad Shiro can think of their quartet as a family now.

I'm loving this shrine visit, because they're all bringing so many different expectations to it.

Poor Kenji. He wanted to hang out and party.

Oh ho! We might get Shiro and Kohinata cooking together again!

One of my favorite things in this show is Wataru pretending he doesn't love Shiro's food.

Kohinata!! Don't be sad about your fancy food!

Oh, it got sad. Shiro doesn't have siblings to make him feel better about not producing grandchildren, and he actually is sad about putting distance between his family on New Year's Day.

Oh, Shiro, I'm so proud of you for not lying about Kenji, and I'm glad the landlord had incredibly normal concerns about Kenji and Shiro moving out because of recent opportunities.

I feel like manga readers told me about the history of the apartment. I'm surprised Kenji is just finding out.

Shiro said he isn't that nice when it comes to money. I'm losing it!

I like the implication about what Shiro prayed for (Household Happiness).

Oh my Shiro is getting glasses next week, and we'll see Wataru again!

Feels like there were a lot of jabs this week overall at a lot of different things, but I like the throughline about what New Year's means for gay people, and the considerations about what the next year will be for them. I do love closing out my Fridays with them.

#what did you eat yesterday?#kinou nani tabeta #japanese bl #bl series #Ben watches

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dearestvante · 8 months

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stars around my scars; kth. | 01.

pairing: taehyung x fem!reader

genre: college au, goodgirl x badboy (sort of), angst, fluff

warnings: lowercase writing, swearing, drinking, infidelity (not between you and tae), taehyung calls you 'angel', can be confusing at times (i'm a beginner and not a native english speaker), suggestive but sfw

summary: people are not always what they seem. you learned that the hard way, when you caught your boyfriend cheating, the night that was supposed to be one of the best ones you ever experienced. but on the same night you also learned that in everything bad, there’s always a little bit of good.

wc: 2.7k

series masterlist

halloween parties might not have been a huge thing in your country, but they sure were at your college. the sophomores and juniors were in charge of organizing it every year, and their efforts never disappointed. the yearly organized halloween frat parties were so famous that the rumors about them even reached middle schoolers. when someone got into college, the halloween frat party was the first thing on their mind, and it wasn’t different for you and your friends either. as soon as all four of you got accepted, the halloween party became your main topic, even though it was still months away. you had to be prepared, cause it was the biggest event of freshman year, and cause neither of you wanted to end up being part of the rumors that would circulate around the city until next year. the thing is, the frat party wasn’t just famous because of it’s large number of guests and massive amount of booze. every year, during the celebration something dramatic and scandalous happened. one year it was the mayor’s picture-perfect son caught sneaking drugs into the party, ruining his father’s reputation as well as his own. next year it was the phony religious girl’s sex tape going viral which resulted in her whole family being humiliated and kicked out of the church’s community. so your quartet had to make sure that none of you would end up as the protagonist of this year’s scandal.

october 31st this year started more warm and sunny than it ever did before. as you walked towards the campus building with four paper cups in your hand, you had a feeling that today’s gonna be good. maybe it was the sun’s warmth softly hitting your face, or the slight fall breeze that brought the smell of fresh coffee closer and closer, or the people on campus greeting you with a smile, whatever it was, you liked the feeling. it has barely been two months since you started your freshman year at college but you already made a lot of new friends. you were always an open person, good at making friends. but reaching your inner circle was way harder than just befriending you. your inner circle still consisted of of three people, besides yourself: soojin, your best friend, jungwon, your boyfriend and seokjin, who was jungwon’s best friend. the four of you became friends in middle school, and been basically inseparable ever since. you and jungwon started officially dating during summer before senior year, but you spent most of your time together way before that.

so you might’ve flashed a smile for those people at campus, but everyone could see the difference when you approached your friends. your smile grew bigger.

“hi guys.” you greeted them, handing a paper cup to each person.

“since when do you bring coffee?” seokjin raised one eyebrow, confused, but took the cup anyways.

“since you need all energy you can get today.” you were unable to hide your excitement, smiling wide at your friends.

“thanks, babe.” jungwon said, pecking your lips.

“eww! get a room.” soojin joked, taking a sip of her coffee.

the four of you stood there for a while, discussing the last details for tonight, as well as going over your plan which all of you had to follow, word for word. it was a safety precaution so none of you do something that could result in a scandal. after you finished your coffee, glancing at your watch, you realized that your class was starting soon.

“alright, i hope all of you are ready for tonight, i gotta go now. see you after class!” you said, jumping happily towards the building as your friends waved goodbye to you.

as you added the final touches to your makeup, a notification snapped you out of the process.

“we’re here”.

it was your boyfriend, and your ride for the night. you quickly finished up, and turned towards soojin, who was struggling with her costume.

“okay, how do i look?”

“that angel costume is still a dumb idea, but you look gorgeous” she replied. “could you help me with this?”

your boyfriend insisted that you wear a matching outfit for tonight’s party, and for some reason, he chose the angel and devil one for it. you weren’t against it at first, but the more soojin and seokjin teased you about it, you started having second thoughts. so you talked to jungwon, but he seemed offended, so you decided to do it for him anyway. seokjin and soojin also chose matching costumes, even though they weren’t a couple (they bickered as much as a married one, though). seokjin came as captain america (yes, he had the shield, too) and soojin as black widow.

you helped her zip up the suit and you were ready to join the boys and finally get the party started. seokjin and jungwon were in the car, trying to hide their impatience as you and your friend occupied the backseats.

jungwon started the car. “everyone ready?”

“let’s go!” the three of you shouted, perfectly in sync.

and just like that, jungwon’s car slowly rolled out of the parking lot and you were on your way to experience the one thing you were all waiting for since middle school.

all those rumors you heard about the halloween frat party were not exaggerated, not even a little bit. the house was huge, everyone you’ve ever met on campus was there (well, at least the people you could recognize in costumes and face paint) and the kitchen area became the party’s own homemade bar, packed with all sorts of alcoholic beverages.

after entering the house, all four of you just stood there for a moment, in awe, slowly realizing that you’ve made it. you have been talking about this since the seventh grade and now you’re here. a sophomore student had to snap you out of the trance and ask you to move away from the door cause others want to get in too.

you grabbed soojin’s and jungwon’s arm, and dragged them to the “bar” area. after seokjin joined you too - he had a bit of trouble cutting through the crowd with his shield - your plan was in motion. you drink the welcoming shot, but after that only lighter drinks are allowed. getting blackout drunk was off the table, cause blackout drunk people do stupid things. and that was off the table as well.

after all four of you downed the contains of the shot glasses, the boys got beer, you and soojin decided on cocktails. the group agreed on splitting up, so you can all look around and find something to do, then meet back at the bar after some time.

you wanted to go with jungwon, but he grabbed seokjin’s arm and left before you could even ask, so you turned to soojin.

“what would you like to do?” you asked, smiling excitedly at her.

“me? i wanna find a hot jock and make out with him, for starters”

you rolled your eyes, and started walking towards the crowd.

“hey, y/n, stop! i was joking, obviously” soojin grabbed your shoulder so you would face her. you resisted a little, mischievous grin growing on your face but then you quickly turned around and pulled your friend to dance with you, before she could even realize what’s happening. the two of you spent quite some time at the dance floor, giggling and showcasing your various moves. you also found a photobooth, which meant you could take a little piece of the party and keep it forever, so you obviously tried that out as well.

you kept looking at the bar, hoping that you’d see the boys return, but they never did. you figured that they’ve found the jocks and the beer pong table and are probably very busy with it.

after a while, the dj started playing slow, romantic songs so you excused to soojin and went to find your boyfriend. you weren’t exactly the slow dancing type, and neither was he, but you were hoping that if you asked nice enough, you could get him away from the others to be together, just the two of you.

the organizers put up small signs to show where the more important things are, but even with the help, you seemed lost. the first place you checked was the backyard, where the beer pong competition was happening, but you weren’t successful. next, you went to the bar, then the front yard. still, no sign of jungwon. you started to panic a little, after you even went through all the bathrooms too. he didn’t pick up his phone, nor did he reply to your texts. there was only one place he could’ve been at this point: one of the rooms. you tried calming yourself down after opening every room and finding out they’re empty. until you reached the last one. behind the door you found jungwon, currently on top of the junior hot girl, yeji, who had half of the campus wrapped around her finger. they were in the middle of something no one was supposed to see, something you weren’t supposed to see.

it felt like a rock was placed on your chest, you could barely breathe, and definitely couldn’t speak. so you just slowly closed the door (the two people inside didn’t even noticed someone was there) and pushed yourself through the crowd. you reached the stairs on the porch, but not a step further. chest still heavy, you gasped for air as you dropped down on a step. and then it hit you. the teardrops ran down your face faster than you could wipe them, each one carrying a piece of your shattered heart. the thoughts running through your head didn’t make sense, but neither did that scene which was burned inside your brain, forever. when did this start? how could you not see this? there must’ve been signs, how could you be so blind? this whole thing was eating you alive, and you blamed yourself, like you always do. even though deep down even you knew that this isn’t your fault.

you didn’t realize for how long you’ve been sitting outside alone until you started shaking. in the end it was almost november and your costume wasn’t designed to keep you warm. thinking that you might have to face jungwon or yeji, or jungwon and yeji if you go in to get your coat, you decided that you’d rather freeze to death. you could try calling one of your friends to bring you the coat but as you would reach in your pockets you realize that skirts don’t have pockets so your phone is also inside somewhere. suddenly, as you smooth out your skirt, you recognize that you’re still wearing that stupid matching costume. this time, instead of the immense amount of sadness, it’s anger that hits you, so in order to relieve it you try your best to get rid of the wings attached to your back.

“trouble in paradise?” a voice hits your ears as you struggle with your accessory. you turn your face towards the person who just approached you and as you do, you see him smile. you are out here, heartbroken, freezing, having the worst night of your life and this annoying (though, also annoyingly handsome) stranger is enjoying it.

“what do you want?” you snap at him, brows furrowed.

he doesn’t reply immediately, instead he studies your face for a while, and as he does, you see his smile fade away. he probably noticed your smudged makeup and red eyes, which might not look very appealing.

“what’s wrong?” he asks instead.

“i just found my boyfriend fucking the girl, he told i shouldn’t worry about” you reply with a forced, cynical smile, but also feel a teardrop running down your cheek as you have to relive that horrible scene again. you don’t even know why you told him. he’s a stranger, why would he care? plus, you might’ve just made yourself the main character of this year’s drama. but you didn’t care about that now. you were way past caring about anything.

“well, your boyfriend’s an asshole” he said, and you expected the conversation to end here, so you turned back to continue the struggle with your angel wings.

“need a hand with that?” you didn’t even realize that the boy was still here, let alone that he’s sitting beside you on the porch.

without waiting for an answer he leans towards you and with a few quick movements he detaches the wings from your back and gives them to you. while you take them, your hands touch for a brief moment. you’d like to apologise, but he cuts you off before you can say a word.

“your hands… how long have you been sitting here?”

you shrug your shoulders. “don’t know, like an hour?”

“wait here.” he gets up and heads inside. after a few seconds he returns handing you a hoodie. normally you would refuse the offer, but nothing’s normal about tonight.

“thank you.” you put the hoodie on and place your wings on your lap.

“so.. why angel?” he asks as he sits back next to you.

you hesitate a few seconds, cause the thought of someone sitting outside with you instead of partying inside can’t fit in your head, but answer anyway. “it’s a matching couple’s costume. my boyfriend came as the devil. can we talk about something else?”

even the thought of jungwon makes you sick at this moment, so you’d rather talk about anything else but him.

“sure.”

“what about you? what did you dress up as?” you ask.

“what do you think i dressed up as?”

now it’s your turn to study him. he’s wearing black jeans and chelsea boots of the same color, a leather jacket with a graphic tee underneath. his blonde hair is messy, but if you stare long enough you can see that it’s intentional and it probably took some time in front of the mirror to achieve it. now that you examine his face, you notice the smokey eye. it’s subtle but helps to spice up the look pretty well. he looks good, very good.

“a rockstar from the 80’s?”

“then i’m a rockstar from the 80’s.” he says, with a warm smile.

“look, i really appreciate your company, but i can’t stay here any longer. i want to go home.” you say, getting up from the porch.

“it’s fine. do you have a ride?” you shake your head, so he answers instead “let me guess, your boyfriend was your ride.”

“exactly. but it’s fine, i can walk. so, um, thank you and have fun.” you say pointing towards the frat house and start walking away. he doesn’t say anything just starts walking after you, and thanks to his long legs he’s soon walking next to you.

“what are you doing?” you stop, frowning at him.

“i’m walking you home. you still have my hoodie.”

“oh. okay.”

your apartment isn’t that far from the frat house, but the the walk home still felt too short. at first you were scared that your new stranger-friend might kidnap you on the way, but as you talked more and more, your fear faded. you found out that he’s a sophomore and an art major. he told you about his works and projects and that how much he hates working with a deadline, cause creativity cannot be rushed. in exchange you told him how you chose law to follow in your mom’s footsteps, even though it wasn’t exactly what you wanted. you didn’t hate it either but your dream was always literature. he told you that it’s not too late change and that you should study what you want and not what your parents want for you. it felt good talking to him, someone who actually listened to you. true, the things you discussed might’ve been generic, but it helped. he helped you forget everything, even if it was only for few minutes.

“we’re here. thank you for walking me home. and for everything…” you stopped, realizing that you never asked for his name.

he smiled, as if he could read your thoughts. “taehyung.”

“thank you, taehyung. oh, i almost forgot, your hoodie!”

as you start to take it off, he frowns. “i was joking, you can keep it on.”

“oh.” you bit your lower lip, flustered. “in that case, good night.”

“good night, angel.”

you couldn’t contain your smile anymore, as you got inside the building, looking for the spare key that was hidden under the doormat. you were confused, going through at least 10 emotions and thoughts. but one thing was sure, jungwon wasn’t one of them

a/n. oh my, did i just publish a fic??? hey everyone, thank you for reading my work! this is the first time that i feel like what i wrote actually makes sense and isn’t just random sentences put next to each other ㅠㅠ i hope you liked the first chapter of this little series, i’ll try and bring the next one as soon as possible. until then, reviews and constructive criticism is very much appreciated <33

#taehyung x reader #bts x reader #kim taehyung #taehyung ff #taehyung x you #bts x fem!reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x female reader

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blucassiopeia · 7 months

Text

Falling Stars

the universe grants wishes to selfless hopefuls.

contents of this chap : fluff fluff esp at the end, a bit of angst, fem!reader, reader!twin of tsukishima kei, reader has to-be-revealed illness, anxious!reader, usage of first names, full names on mention are in lastname-firstname (japanese custom), japanese honorifics and vocabs present, HAIKYUU setting and vball jargons, pre-timeskip, character build-up, mentions of blood

warnings ⚠️ : English is not the author's first language. This fic has a draft Wattpad version. I do not own Haikyuu, its characters, plots and settings. Everything you see different here from the anime-manga is a becoming of my fictional world.

"Blue" for texts and chats. "Green" for calls. "Orange" for memory prompts. "White" for background convos that are audible to the reader.

wc : 12,153 words

Cassie : it may be a bit boring but it's the plot im taking soー ENJOY!

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Saitama Skies

"And it's even correct!! It's correct!!"

Oh my God. Anyone won't know how frustrated you were when you saw the damn exam papers. Oh my God. You wanna go and grab someone's hair right now. Oh my God.

Kei was already chuckling when he heard the results. Even more when he saw it. Tadashi was in your left, sighing and didn't know what to do to help. Tobio and Shoyo was leaning on the window totally void of anything. Are they still breathing?

"And that's how the two of you have to attend the supplementary lessons."

"Shut up, Kei!" You wallowed more to Tadashi, hitting your forehead on his shoulder as he took Tobio's paper from you to see. "They've worked so hard! We've worked so hard!"

"Now, all you can do is beg to the Principal. Although, it'll probably be useless."

You wanna grab Kei's hair then and there with his teasing and blunt tone. You turned to him, about to smack him out of frustration when the three of you noticed that the human subjects of discussion were already nowhere to be found in their initial positions.

"Where'd they go?"

"Probably out to do something stupid for Sawamura-san to explode later."

You closed your eyes in frustration and the mannerism went on. You felt a hard flick on your forehead and you glared at Kei.

"Everything will be alright. Don't stress too much." Tadashi said as he rubbed and massaged your shoulders.

But that's not it. What if they can'tーNo, no. You can't lose hope in them. Butー!! Kei's flinching and Owws were heard throughout the hallway that lunch. "Yes, that's a way to de-stress, Y/n."

But it just came back after that long day at Sakanoshita storeーthe new after-school tutor location. Chikara let them repeat the same questions for their failed tests and they just got lower scores than their original ones.

The second years and Tadashi were ready to help Tobio and Shoyo reach their maximum effort to pass the supplementary test. You had no choice but to help too because as what Coach Ukai said, We can't function well without the Stupid Quartet, and that includes these two. Though Kei don't like the thought of you stressing out while tutoring the duo, he stays as long as he wants just to be with you, making sure Tadashi will be the one to drop you home once he decides to go home first. Not even making an effort to help. Ugh!

Tobio and Shoyo were too thankful for the help of the team, excluding Kei's blunt remarks of course. The third years were busy enough for their own tests but they did spare time to check up on the situation, leaving the tutorial leadership to Chikara.

It dragged on for days and the weekend is nearing. They're improving little by little, putting more effort than they can, pressuring themselves. Well, you can't achieve something without pressure when it comes to cram-school. In between breaks, they would come to your classroom and try-out the exam again with you and Tadashi reevaluating their papers.

"Okay, stop your pens." You declared one time when you're all back at the store.

You got their papers, handed one to Chikara and evaluated their answers, your eyes twitching at Shoyo's wrong answers. You can feel the tension in them while waiting for the both of you to finish. When done, you deadpanned at Shoyo and handed him his paper, together with Chikara to Tobio. You watched their reaction drop at the sight of their scores, and you whined incoherently with them.

"Sorry, Y/n-san, everyone. Eventhough you worked so hard for us." Shoyo's dejected and void of all emotions as he muttered, Tobio immobilized at his own seat. "I guess I'll try my best at cycling to Tokyo."

You glanced at Kei that had his lips scrunched to the side watching the duo's scene.

"You can't give up! You can do it!"

"That's right! Let's continue!"

"It's useless, they're totally broken."

Kei sighed at your sight, brows creasing more. He slowly approached the duo and picked their papers.

"And here I thought of how well both of you can do, but it's just this much."

You saw Tobio and Shoyo flinched at his words while still in their dejected state. You flickered your eyes nervously at Kei, noting that this is not the time for his talent. He took a disappointing look at the papers.

"To be stumped by such textbook level questions, you are beyond saving."

"Kei!" You scream-whisper his name, eyes widened with worry as all of you in the store were looking at your twin, except for the two subjects that's still flinching in annoyance and embarassment.

He smirked and chuckled as he looked straight into your eyes. "The answers are all in the passage for Modern Lit, it should be nice to be a simpleton for a king like you, huh, Ou-sama?ー" Tobio was flinching hard in his seat at the words, burning red ears illiciting. "ーand isn't English just a language? Oh, but I guess it's impossible for a monkey to learn such language huh?" He continued, not breaking eye contact. And you're getting his motives, his point. You bit your lip, you can't smile. Shall not. This was his way of helping all along.

He placed the papers on the table. "Ah, it seems like it'll be a fulfilling and peaceful Tokyo training camp without you both. Ah, so grateful." He walked to the doors and you pouted. He's leaving already? "Then, I'll be going first~" And he closed the doors nonchalantly and walked home.

That fauxing blunt twin!

But thanks to those words of his that Tobio and Shoyo got more motivated to pass the supplemental exams.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

You were lost in those scenes that happened just days ago when you heard gasps and your name getting screamed at. And then you felt it, square to your face.

They scrambled towards you, the referee whistling for a time-out, but all you see are black spots over the ball on your feet. You feel hot liquid dragging to your nostrils, metallic as it tastes on your lips and mouth. You see red spots on your white shirt before you realized what had happened. You blinked rapidly as you felt the pain coursing through your torso you have to scrunch your face and hunch forward to control it, it made you breathless.

"Y/n, towー"

"Hey, I didn't mean to."

A new voice sounded in your ear. You tried to look up but the pain is prohibiting you to do past a shallow breath. You saw a pair of white shoes with dark gray streaks in front of you and it was covered immediately when the owner squatted in, peeking at your face.

"I'm sorry."

Golden dilated orbs met yours as they blinked with concern, then it changed to wonder. You're achingly aware that there were voices around you but now, it seemed muffled. The pain in your torso subsided until it reduced to a beating tolerable pain at a concentrated point in your back. And you're achingly more aware that you're staring, given that his lips were moving as if he was talkーwhat

"I'm fine. It's okay." Your voice triggered the muffled voices to normalize and you're back on the court. You looked everywhere but his eyes.

"You sure? Can I check your nose?" Your rapid blinking reoccured and you slowly straightened your back, careful not to feel the pain again that's subsiding in your back. Your eyes shot to his hand closing the gap to your face when Tadashi stepped in between, hand shielding your face.

"Please, don't touch her senpai. Sh-She'sー" You can't look up to him for you're vigilant of your movements but you felt him glance at you. The hand of the golden-eyed player stuttered in the air and was drawn back to himself, glazing golden eyes still training on your face.

"Shimizu-san, Kinnoshita-san. Can you please take her to wash her face and to where her things are? And please don't touch her yet." Your throat whined at Kei's low voice in your back. It's so low that you felt everyone around tensed, you closed your eyes.

You felt Kei's breathe in your ear as he whispered, "Don't daze out during practices. It's in your bag. Go, be careful. Yamaguchi and I won't be with you."

You opened your eyes just to find the golden eyes still staring at you in concern, flickering to you and Kei. Then you noticed his gray brows, his sweating forehead and his hair. You blinked twice.

"Let's go, Y/n-chan? Your nose is really bleeding."

You tore up your gaze and focused on standing up, reluctant, but you successfully acted on with no responsive pain. The golden-eyed player stood from his knees too, towering over you and keeping distance from you as you were followed by Hisashi to the washroom, Kiyoko at your side, her hands assisting you without touching.

"Bokuto! Where are you going?"

"Iー"

Every step was painful because of the sensivity your body is in right now, even more so at this unknown feeling that's keeping you calm through all of this.

"I'm sorry, Coach Ukai. I really didn't mean to."

"Why are you crying!?"

"Akaashi!! Bokuto's crying!!"

"It's okay, Bokuto. Accidents happen. She'll be okay."

"Let's get back to the game?"

"Butーbut with all that blood, she'll die!!"

"She'll be fine, Bokuto-san."

You turned right to the gym's washroom and went straight to the sink where it's faucet has already been turned on by Kiyoko. The pain has already left you, suspiciously fast.

"Do you have Yamaguchi's towel, Kinnoshita?"

"Yes. Here." Hisashi handed Kiyoko Tadashi's towel. You smiled at it as you see it's the Doraemon one you got him during middle school.

"I'm sorry for him, Keishin-kun."

"No one dies from a nosebleed, Bokuto you idiot!"

"Konoha-sanーNo one dies from it, Bokuto-san."

The blood's still flowing but you can't stop smiling, creepy because the blood drips to your peeking teeth in your reflection. Hisashi groaned and kept his eyes shut at your reflection.

"So.. that was an intense eye contact, Y/n-chan."

"Really? I don't want her to die Akaashi.."

Your breath hitched and Hisashi groaned more when you choked on your blood and mucus. You shut your eyes tight at the searing sensation in your throat. Kiyoko chuckled on your side.

"Aaah! Stop it, Shimizu-saan! I didn't want to notice itt." Hisashi whined, head shaking intensely. Chuckling too, you started cleaning your nose and chin devoiding it from blood.

When finished, "What eye contact, Shimizu-san?"

"You saw it too, right, Kinnoshita? You were beside me." Kiyoko was beaming as she readied the towel. "Can I touch you now, Y/n?" You nodded and she held your shoulder and massaged the bridge of your nose down to let the blood flow more.

"Hm. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were emitting a scary aura we have to step away from them, well just me and Shimizu-san. I don't know about the rest of the team." Your cheeks felt hot and you closed your eyes in embarassment. Tadashi and Kei were most likely thinking about the unthinkable assumptions.

"It was nothing. He was just in my line of sight and I can't move."

They're suspiciously nodding and you narrowed your eyes in their reflection. "Really."

"Okay. Okay. But are you really okay?" You kept quiet as you continued to clean your nose. The blood has stopped flowing already but you can still taste it so you went and gurgle it out of your mouth.

"Yes, I'm okay and still breathing." You grinned and got Tadashi's towel from her and dabbed it to your face, Doraemon already wet.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

Kiyoko snickered when she saw you hugging your plushie as you were lying on your futon at the assigned room for the managers. You know why she snickered but you just gave her a faux questioning look.

"Hey, Y/n, we're sorry about Bokuto earlier. It really did hurt, didn't it?" You tilt your head up to see Yukie on her stomach, palms there for her head to rest.

Beside her, Kaori was sitting rubbing her tummy, closing her eyes. "I also got those a year ago in my tummy. It's impossible not to get hurt considering how strong his spikes are." You sat up and faced them while still clutching on your plushie.

"We saw her doubled over earlier, Kaori, and the blood was drippingーKuroo had Haiba-kun to mop after you went out to change."

"That simpleton ruining a lady's face! Really!" You smiled at them and they stuttered for a second.

"C'mon, it's an accident and it's fine, senpais. It didn't hurt that much. I get those accidents during middle school." You grinned as you tightened your hug, Kaori's eyes went down to notice it. Yukie and Kaori both snickered just like how Kiyoko snickered earlier, it made your head tilt in pure confusion now.

"Bokuto! You're not allowed in here!"

"Whyyy? I just wanna ask a favor from Yukippe and Kaokao!"

"Akaashi! Kuroo!"

"Let's go, Bokuto-san. Let the girls have their space."

"ButーAkaashi!"

You heard Ubugawa's manager Eri arguing with that Bokuto at the halls outside. You figured out the name of golden-eyed player is Bokuto with the way the others refer to him whenever you heard the name. Your brows raised in interest as to why he's here. Not like you care.

You heard Eri's laugh through the halls that made the four of you girls to draw confusion on your faces. It was followed by Kuroo's hyena laugh and a loud smack and a whine. Yukie stood and made way to the door out of confusion and peeked but was just followed by her laugh. You blinked and decided to sprawl again on your futon. On the corner of your eye, Kaori joined Yukie on the door but she was just irritated at the muffled noise and whispers.

"Hey! Do that tomorrow, Bokuto!" She was furious with her hands on her hips.

"Eeehh?? Okay~"

"I told you, Bokuto. Tomorrow."

"Fine! Fine!"

And you heard muffled shuffles getting far off from the door. Yukie and Kaori went back inside with Yukie glancing at your plushie and snickering again.

"Really! That simpleton is stressing me out!" Kaori huffed as she plopped back to her futon.

"What did he want?" You glanced at Kiyoko upon her question and yawned at her face focusing on Yukie and Kaori in confusion.

"He want nonsense again. He's like that everytime, we're really sorry! He's too loud, worse when he's with Kuroo." Her eyes went from Kiyoko to Eri that's entering the room. Eri's eyes went straight to your confused face and she bit her lip when she saw the plushie.

"You're really cute, Y/n-chan. The plushie is cute too!" She complimented as she made her way to her futon. "Mako can't be with us, she's sick and have to go home to rest." She was shuffling through her bag when she continued further. "That #12 in your team, what was his name again?"

You turned to her, amidst the talk with Kaori and Kiyoko. "Yamaguchi?"

"Yeah? He'll be here in any minute. He shyly asked me about your whereabouts when we were held up in the canteen. Something about your brother? Who's your brother?"

You blinked. What about Kei? "Tsukishima, the tall one with the glasses. Her twin brother." Kiyoko was the one who answered and she got back to her conversation with Kaori.

What happened to Kei? You furrowed your brows as you searched in your head for answers. Did something happen to him? Did he finally pin Shoyo to the ceiling like how he used to grumble about? Did he forget something? Did he need something that's in yourーOh. You smiled and got up again grunting.

"Where are you going?" Kiyoko asked as you rummaged through your bag to get something so cute too. She laughed with the other girls when they saw what you were holding, you laughed with them, a finger over your lips shushing them.

"I'm just gonna.." You pointed the door and they shooed you away.

You yawned as you made your way upstairs to the boys' rooms. And it dawned on you that you didn't know where their room is. You closed your eyes in irritation and you're about to go back to your room and just wait for Tadashi when Koshi yelled your name out of nowhere. The hallway that was bustling with murmurs and laughs fell dead silent, you bit your lip as you turned around to see him running towards you, heavy thuds off from a 5'8 running.

"We thought you're asleep with Shimizu already. What made yーwhat's that?" His eyes trailed to the plushie you have in your hand.

"Y/nnnn!!" You jumped at Tadashi's voice and he rushed to you the same manner as Koshi and snatched the plushie from you immediately, making you laugh.

"It's yours, Yamaguchi?" Koshi was chuckling at Tadashi. "It's cute! Dino plushie." Tadashi's face went beet red and you found yourself laughing louder, now with Koshi.

You heard a loud door opening and "Y/N! Stop laughing and go to sleep already!!". Yep, that's Kei.

You pouted. "Haii~ Good night! Love you!" You called out to him, not minding the sweet talks you have given to your brother through the hallway. You can see him blushing from embarassment in your mind that made you chuckle.

"He's not in the mood." Tadashi commented and huffed as he hugged you on one arm and gave you head kisses, still blushing from embarassment. "Go now. Good night. Love you." You returned the hug and prompts, a routine you have with him every night you separate ways in going home.

"Uhhh, how sweet. Can you give me a hug too, Y/n?" You snickered at Koshi's impulsive remark and hugged him too mindlessly, Tadashi battling not to raise a brow at your action. You felt Koshi stiffened for a second and chuckled as he returned your hug, palming your hair. His warmth against you, wrapping around, is new to you and it's comforting.

"Now I know why they're protective over you." He chuckled as he broke the hug himself. The limits of your head tilts dinging as you took your last one for the day.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

"Kageyama. In that fast attack that go whoosh, I'll stop closing my eyes. We can't stay like this. This isn't enough. I wanna decide where to hit the ball to."

"We tried that already, remember? It didn't work. I'll not invalidate you but if you keep insisting on this during this set, then I have no intention on putting a set up for someone I know would miss."

Shoyo's evolving at a scary pace. The team, even Coach, is seeing and feeling that. You just witnessed his collision with Asahi and it felt like he wanna steal the ball from the Ace. The team is also in a tension since then, maybe they had realized the same things that Shoyo said. We can't stay like this. This isn't enough. For someone that had seen their defeat against Aoba Johsai, I'd say he's not in the wrong.

Ittetsu was correct when he said that they are not the best, but they have always have room to grow. They just have to view their competitors as potential teachers that they can absorb techniques and strategies. You would have numerous to teach them but you can't impose it to them without them realizing what they really want to work with. You let out a sigh, being a coach is hard. You have to stick to just enhance and enhance and let them think.

"What will we do with Hinata, Y/n?"

"We still have to figure out what he really wants to do, Ukai-san."

You were standing side by side when you both noticed Koshi, Tobio and Shoyo getting off the gym. You exchanged looks and nonverbally agreed to eavesdrop.

Both of you heard about Shoyo's thoughts about the Seijoh match, and how he wanted Tobio to not apologize to him for something that's clearly his shortcoming. Tobio didn't deny him with an emotional outburst but he was just telling the truth, about how Shoyo's input is completely unnecessary, that it's not his call or anything that something he'll regret. It's a setter's job to bring out the maximum potential, a 100%. But he's wrong at somethingー

Tobio passed by you and Coach Ukai, having to half-ass bow and move on to the court.

"Sorry, Hinata, but I have to agree on Kageyama after hearing his reasons. That quick attack is already impressive and having that on the core of our attacks is essential right now."

You frowned more when Coach Ukai came out to them and agreed with Koshi.

"There's nothing wrong with you wanting to contribute even a little, Hinata, but that quick attack only hinges for a fraction of a second. Honestly, trying to decide where the ball will go to on that amount of time is impossible."

"On days when I'm in the groove, I can see things clearly from up there. Like everything is in slow motion. Just like Tanaka-san."

"Yeah, there are times when spikers can see the blockers clearly."

"And during that practice match with Seijoh, during that last point, I saw Great King's face.. his eyes."

"Oh, you think you sawー"

You stood straight and blinked rapidly in realization. You gulped hard, you wanted to tell them something.

"Even during that first 3-on-3 we had, I can see the entire court from up there, like I'm in a summit."

"Right, the impression Hinー"

It came quiet all of the sudden. Suddenly, Ryuunosuke bounded towards where you are and peeked to the trio talking outside.

"Game's about to start!" You heard a yelp from Coach, surprised by the sudden rollcall.

You wanna talk to Shoyo about something that'll make him at ease so you went to Coach Ukai to sub him for a while. He gladly obliged, full trust on you. Kazuhito went in replace for him.

"Hey." You approached him at the center of the two courts. He felt rejected and he stayed as far as possible from the team for the meantime. You pursed your lips at the thought and of how he just hummed in acknowledging you standing beside him.

"I can see it too, you know."

He whirled to you wide-eyed, shocked with the bomb you dropped, the bomb that told him he's not alone and that you understand him.

"I came in love with that sight. Too in love that I have to make my spikers see the view too. To share it to them. But never did they saw it. I initially thought I was imagining things, too. But it isn't."

His eyes glazed over. "IーY/n-sanー"

"Don't worry, Hinata. Everything will be alright, okay? Everything will turn out okay. Just be patient. I know what you want, but I'm just an assistant coach and still learning the trade, and I certainly don't want to impose my thing to the team. You guys have to think of what you really wanna do, that includes you and Kageyama. Tell me what exactly you both want, and I'm gonna teach you once, leave you to figure it out yourself, and enhance it afterwards." You wrapped an arm around his shoulder and patted him, consoling him, getting him back up to his stance even just a little bit.

You both jumped when you both heard a hum in your backs. Coach Ukai was there, listening. You blushed hard in embarassment.

"Hinata, if you think there's a way for that quick attack to evolve then I'll be glad to help coz I also want to see that. I don't have any clue on what toss you need to do that though. And I know she has a clue but will be too stubborn to just stick with her principles as a coach. But you can't impose to Kageyama that way, you'll just irritate him so no more games for you today. Sit it out with the rest on the bench."

Shoyo flinched and pouted. "Haii~" He went back to where Koshi and the others were, leaving you with Coach Ukai.

"You won't tell me too, are you?" You grinned at him and sticking out a peace sign before chuckling with him. "You're mean." He ruffled your hair before getting back to the bench. You followed him, poking at Tadashi's back on your way.

"Ah! Kuroo! Where are you looking at!? Damn it!"

"Just misjudged, Oni-senpai! Shut up!"

"Cover!"

"Lev!!"

"Bokuto-san!"

"Mine!"

"Noya-san!"

"Argh! Sorry!"

Kiyoko glanced at you and snickered, giving you a cheshire smile. "What is it, Kiyoko-san?" You whispered to her out of earshot from anybody around.

"One more time, Bokuto-san!"

"Three blockers!"

Her eyes raked its gaze on a certain player of Fukurodani, gained you a question on whoーyou hissed audibly for her to chuckle and turn to you again. You pouted and shook your head defensively.

Ugh, stop it Kiyoko-san before he notices and gets the wrong idea.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

"Y/n-chaaan! Kiyoko! See you in 2 weeks!" You looked back at Eri from the crowd that's seeing your team off. You and Kiyoko waved back at her and to the other managers.

"Byeee~!"

"Ah! What was that for!?"

"Hinataaaa! See you later!! I'll stop you next time too!"

"Hah! You're not gonna beat me that easy. I'm gonna show you a 5'4 can mop the floor with the 6'4!"

"Bokuto!! They're leaving!"

"Don't you wanna seeー"

"Let's go." Kei got your bag from you and slung it on his shoulders. "I told you to bring me or Yamaguchi your bag. Tsk."

You pouted and followed him to the bus with the others. "You had so much on your shoulders already." He quirked a brow on you and you rolled your eyes.

"Y/n!" Your eyes turned to Koshi that's already inside the bus, head poking out the window. "You want the window seat? C'mon, hurry!" You grinned and hurried your way onto the bus.

"Tsk! Don't run!"

You hopped on the seat Koshi reserved for you, all smiles. Kei followed through and went on a seat at your back and pulled some of your hair with a glare. You returned his glare and Koshi chuckled next to you. You pouted at him and was about to whine at him when you saw his eyes going through youーto the back of your head, through the windows. You dared not to look. He chuckled mindlessly and patted your head. Your first head tilt of the day.

When the bus' engine revved, you turned to the crowd beside your bus and waved goodbye, catching a glimpse of that certain someone talking with anotherーor rather arguing. You quickly turned your gaze up front before he notices.

The rest of the ride was quiet due to the tension and exhaustion, except for the occassional sneezes you had, Koshi had to hand you a packet of tissues.

The tension broke off when Shoyo called you over to toss for him and Tobio. Kei agreed mindlessly but just until they finish changing.

You kept tossing to Tobio and he tossed to Shoyo, of which Shoyo was never successful. His attention's on the ball and not on his maximum jump. You tried to call him out for it but Tobio races you to it. The argument heated and heated up more when Tobio grabbed Shoyo by the collar and threw him across the court. Shoyoーperplexed and agitated by Tobio relentless wordsーlaunched to him and held on to him. You tried to stop them but you were out of options.

You held on to the gym's door and shouted for Kei or anyone so loud it might've disturbed some nearby houses and teachers that are still in the school's vicinity. "Hinata and KageyamaーKei!! Anyone!!"

The club room from upstairs flung open so harshly and Ryuunosuke hurried down for the gym, Kei and Tadashi following him. Yuu who was still in his boxers hurriedly wore his sweatpants, not minding that he's still shirtless, and went down as well.

Ryuunosuke yelled for Tobio and Shoyo who was so busy on each other and punched them together. You felt tears coming down your cheeks from the helplessness and someone hugged you from behind giving you headkisses and shushing your shaking self from the commotion, your eyes still glued at the two boys getting reprimanded by Ryuunosuke.

"Hey." The someone who was hugging you spoke. You heaved a shaky sigh and turned to Tadashi and hugged him. "It's alright. It's always like this with boys."

"You and Kei aren't like that." He chuckled and pats your hair down, giving you back rubs along the way.

"I told you both on our way back to not argue or brawl like this in front of my sister, didn't I? Didn't I? You're both really stupid. Can't you just talk it out without fighting? Huh? Too stupid to just talk?" Kei was towering on the duo, anger was seeping on his veins. The duo just went silent and muttered a hushed apology.

"Are you okay, Y/n-chan?" You peeked at Yuu against Tadashi's shoulders and smiled at him. "You're pale."

"I'm okay, Noya-san." He studied you for a couple seconds as you broke free from the hug and he nodded on, still wary.

"We'll go ahead. Both of you, stop it."

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜・

"Y/n." Tobio approached you warily, keeping an eye on Tadashi and Kei nearby. He stared at you and bowed, "I'm sorry." Your eyes bulged and quickly, you straighten up Tobio's back but to no avail, it caught the hallway's attention already, Kei and Tadashi eyeing on that little commotion. Tadashi had to stop Kei from prancing to where Tobio is.

"It's okay, Kageyama." Tobio looked at you, still wary. "What is it? You have more to say?" His expression piqued your interest, an expression that's too shy but resolved.

"Can we go to Sendai together after class?"

"No!"

You glared at Kei that's glaring at Tobio. Tobio scowled at Kei and fiddled his fingers when he faced at you again. "I wanna talk to your dad for advices? He's a setter, right?"

"I'm a setter, too, you know?" You chuckled at your reveal that surprised him. "You don't have to go to Sendai. But we'll go to another nearby place that'll maybe help you think of what to do. Come by the room at dismissal."

"I said no!"

But those Nos from Kei fell on deaf ears when Tobio really came by and fetched you. Tadashi approached him at the door, Kei close by. You didn't hear their conversation as you arranged your things, took your change of clothes, and left your bag on Kei's desk.

"ーgot it?" was all you heard as you approached them. Tobio nodded and took a glance at you over Tadashi's shoulder. Kei turned to you, scowling. "Change first. Kageyama-kun will be waiting."

It didn't take long and Tobio found himself chattering away with you on the ride to this certain volleyball clinic nearby. He even complimented your shirt that says: Setters are the rulers of the court. You told him you bought it three years ago in your brother's Tokyo Spring High.

"When I saw Hinata in Karasuno, I never thought I'll have a friend and a partner in one, Y/n. The one that can give me exhileration in just putting up those sets previous spikers can't hit. IーHe's my bestfriend." You smiled at him after he opened up about what happened the other night between him and Shoyo. You never thought of him as a confesser, but you like this side of him, more than his stoic face.

"Then, we shall do something about what he wants." You said as you stopped in front of a building. "Wait here. Sensei will be finished in a minute. I'll get him for you."

He nodded then you trotted inside the building. Maybe due to your height you hadn't noticed a kid bumped to you after running around. You kneeled in front of the kid and checked up on him.

"I'm sorry. Can you stand?" The kid stared at you and nodded. You helped him up while you're still squatting and checked his back for possible wounds and bruises.

"I'm sorry, pretty onee-chan." You felt your cheeks burned at that innocent compliment and you ruffled his buzz-cutted head. "It's okay. Be careful next time, hm?"

You stood up, worried that you might have took too much time and your sensei would be off home. A familiar looking face were walking to the kid behind you and you tried to remember wherever you saw him.

"Takeru, what happened?"

"I bumped to that pretty onee-chan, Tooru."

"You're clumsy, stop running around or I'll put you on a leash. Let's go."

You had reached an empty gym and groaned. Now, what to do with Tobio? Should you just tell him what kind of toss he needed to practice to match up with Shoyo is a falling toss? Your brows were furrowed as you made your way out of the building to deliver the news to Tobio. But he was already talking to that same guy you saw a while ago. And that was when it clicked to you.

The captain of Aoba Johsai. The one they call Great King.

"Do you know you have a counterpart, Y/n? Well, senseis claimed he was your counterpart. Well, there were two, they said. Heard the coaches passing by the court this morning."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"In the Boys', just here in our prefecture, there's this someone that has potentials and talents at the same level as you. Well, maybe he's stronger because he has more muscles being a man. And the other one is in another prefecture, in the south."

You raised your brows at the sudden interest. "I'm not some high level setter and certainly not interested in those 'man-muscles' but who in the prefecture are you referring to?"

"Oikawa-san! Please!" You saw how Tobio begged for this Oikawa Tooru to give him an advice.

"Takeru." The kid who bumped into you looked at Tooru. "Take a picture. Hereー" Tooru taught Takeru the ways on his phone. "Hold it right there. Press here." Tobio peeked at Tooru and Takeru going through the older's phone. "Tobio, don't move." You were curious of what he'll do. What was the picture for? You crossed your arms on your chest and stared at them down the stairs. They even hadn't noticed you yet.

"A proof that Tobio bowed down to the great me!" And he posed. Your eye twitched. No. He's not my counterpart in this one, you thought.

"Wow. You like these kind of pictures, Tooru? How lame." You nearly laughed out loud at Takeru's dissing, to where Tooru flinches.

"Anyway, what is it Tobio? I'm busy."

"Huh? But you told me your girlfriend dumped you so you had nothing to do all day." You have to bite your lip to stop quivering to laugh.

"Shut up, Takeru!"

"Uhmー" Both the younger and the older kid paused to look at Tobio now standing upright. "Ifーif ever all of the sudden Iwaizumi-san said he wants to improve an already crazy setー"

"Hold up there. If you wanna get an advice from me, just go straight to the point."

Tobio scowled and huffed. Go on, you need someone's advice from him right now. "Hinata's been doing the quick sets with his eyes closed and now, he wants to do it with eyes open, to hit it by himself."

Tooru hummed, and even with his back on you, you can feel he's emerged to the topic. "It will be great if he can do that. Let him."

Your lips curved at what he said. As expected. "But Oikawa-san, Hinata's poor on his basic skills. It's not that simple!" Tobio retorted at him.

"So you wanted him to just shut up and hit the tosses you give him? That sounds like a tyrant king would do."

One time in your life, you were that tyrant he was speaking of. You closed your eyes as you continued to listen to them discreetly.

"Have you ever thought of what tosses he would like to hit? Or did you even think he likes the tosses you put up? Did you even think about it?" Tooru smugly said, but he's right though. Tobio has to realize it himself.

"Are you scared of the change that you've been acting defensive thinking that quick attack of yours is already good enough?" You saw how the air around Tooru changed that Tobio slightly flinched. "Don't get the wrong idea. The attack's Chibi-chan's call, not yours. If you can't wrap it on your genius head, then you're just reverting back being the Tyrant King of the Court. Andー"

You freezed when he side-eyed you from where you were standing. "ーshe's in your team, right? She knows what I'm talking about. Why don't you ask her?" He moved down the stairs. "Let's go Takeru."

Both yours and Tobio's eyes are on Tooru's back for a minute before Tobio looked at you, his eyes eager. You sighed and went down to him, "Let's go back first."

As to how Tooru knew of you, you were curious. Well, sure, he might've heard from others and things you wanted to just not think of like.. you're quite popular from the Girls' Volleyball matches of Miyagi. You scowled involuntarily at the thought. You don't want people knowing you like that but circumstances can't help it from happening. And you hate it.

You were dreading about that, not noticing you were already walking with Tobio, passing by the Sakanoshita store. His ringing phone woke you up from your thoughts.

He answered it, eyeing you. "Oh?ーYeah, we're going back to the school now. ーShut up. ーOkay." And the second he ended the call, it rang again. You chuckled at his side, pulling him aside by the vending machine.

"Kageyama! Where are you!?"

Coach Ukai's voice is so loud you can hear it eventhough the call's not on speaker.

"Ukai-san? Y/n and I are already walking back to the school."

"Huh?"

And Ukai-san came out of nowhere and ran up to the both of you.

"A falling toss, Kageyama! You have to drop the ball!"

You instantly smile. Your instincts were right.

"I was about to give in." You laughed and Coach Ukai brought you both inside the store to discuss about that set.

But all he did was gave you the floor to explain it to Tobio and he just sat back there and fill in necessary comments for Tobio to find it easy to understand. When you're in a roll in explaining, all human languages scurry away and technical languages invade you. You wished Tobio had understood all you've said. He's focused, though, so was it successful?

"Tobio?"

"I didn't quite understand what Oikawa-san said." His eyes found yours, your brows perked up. "That it's Hinata's call, not mine, or any setter in that matter."

You hummed and glanced at Coach Ukai, still listening.

"I told you on our way there that setters are the rulers of the court, right? Like my shirt now?" He nodded, picking up every word you said.

"Rulers are somewhat a serving king. Serving its citizens while leading them. That's what we are. The spikers have different quirks and abilities and it's our responsibility to utilize it. If they want to evolve, we let them if it's good for the team. We can't stop them from it, you know. The spikers are the breadwinners of the team, and we are the ones who are pulling them to work."

"It's a setter's responsibility to evolve with the spiker, too. We have to meet their abilities, because in that way we can utilize their skills better. We have to properly accomodate them, devout ourselves to them to the best of our abilities." Coach Ukai added.

Tobio was silent, probably absorbing what you both said. And after a while, he nodded with a determined look on his face. "Can you both teach me how to do that falling toss?"

Coach Ukai rubbed the back of his neck and looked at you. "We might have to get permission from your brother, Y/n."

"Oh, not a problem."

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

Kei groaned as you glare at him. Why wouldn't you? He just left your plushie, probably still loitered in your genkan. Your poor plushie.

"You can sleep without your plushie."

Your plushie is your stress-reliever and he can't say you can sleep without it. You grabbed his dino plushie, "You can also sleep without this, Kei."

You discarded his plushie to Tadashi with a glare, he immediately took it while consciously eyeing Kei. The dino lover grumbled and crossed his arms, closing his eyes. "It's not even mine."

Tadashi chuckled, fist flew in his lips and turned away to his side of the window, and a few rows up front, Koshi snorted beside Daichi. Kei's face went scarlet and contorted and shifted his body towards the window, away from you. Huh. That's what you get.

Your face screams unpleasant too, leaning back at the seat, arms crossed. You really can't sleep. The upcoming five days of the training camp will be one hell of an eyebag-inducer camp. You closed your eyes in irritation thinking of ways of how to soothe your nerves to at least relax and maybe, with the blessings of the gods, sleep.

You woke up from a hard poke on your forehead. You groaned as you snuggled more to the crook of Kei's neck. He groaned too, clearly disgusted. He violently shook your thigh with his and you furrowed your brows before opening your eyes, glaring at his skin.

"We're near."

You slowly sat up while wiping whatever evidence of drool, wet and dried alike, is in the sides of your lips. You heard Kei clicked his tongue and rummaged on his bag to get a new shirt. You ignored him changing and looked out the window.

Your eyes and mouth rounded as it caught glimpse of a hilly district, the sunrise just far off the mountains at the distance. It's peaceful, it instantly captivated your heart.

"Are we still in Tokyo?" You queried as Ittetsu turned right to a less hilly driveway, more yawns all over the bus.

"Saitama, Y/n." His voice was hoarse as he maybe up the long drive from Miyagi. He pulled over and you peeked up front just to see familiar buses and stairs leading up to a building that says: Shinzen High School.

"Kei?" You excitedly waited for his approval to get out of the bus before anyone else, seeing two of the Nekoma players out and waiting for your team to pile out.

Kei nodded with a sigh and turned to Tadashi with a knowing look as you bounded out of the bus.

"Hiii~ Good morning~!"

"Keiii~"

Kei rolled his eyes as soon as he hears you chime towards him after a mock game. He was lounging with Daichi and Koushi at the stage side of the gym.

"What is it?"

"Can I be friendly with the other teams in the training camp?"

You heard Koushi chuckled at your question, Daichi's eyes on both you and Kei, amused.

"Why are you asking him that, Y/n?"

You shrugged and pouted. "They might not like it, Suga-san. It's betー"

Kei groaned, cutting you off. "It's okay. Just don't get out of our peripherals."

"Good morning." Nekoma's setterーyou remembered his name was Kenma or somethingーlazily replied. "Shoyo?"

"Seriously Kenma, you only care about chibi-chan." You gazed at Kenma's back who was eyeing at the bus where you came from. And his troubled eyes fell on you and lingered as you heard the others coming out from the bus. "Good morning, Y/n, how's the ride?"

You felt your system getting excited, not with his question but with the interaction. You haven't been making friends out of Kei's circle of friends he insists they're all acquiantances but you're seeing otherwise, well except for Tadashi for all your life but this is worth a shot.

"It's amazing. Though I slept the whole ride." You giggled and you see how the brows of the raven-black haired boy shot up to the sound of it. "Saitama's view is relaxing, Kuroo-san!"

He hummed and smiled at you, the team's noise already close behind you. "I should offer to carry the bags for our kouhai managers."

It didn't slip your eyes how Kenma's brows quirked at Tetsurou, and giving him a deadpan look. "Ah, no thanks Kuroo-san! My brother's got it already."

He nodded and was already distracted by how the rest of the team filed in next to you. You shot a glance at Tadashi who was already looking at you, and you winked at him before going up the stairs, with him trailing and grumbling behind.

"Hey! Slow down, miss!"

You were about to laugh when a tall Russian came bounding down the stairs to meet you. He was all smiles and sunshine, it was infectious.

"You're Y/n-chan right? Hi! The others are murmuring about you upstairs!"

"LEV!"

You heard Tadashi hummed a suspicious streak, but you ignored it keeping your own enthusiastic streak. "Oh? Yes, I'm Y/n! You must be Lev? Hi!"

"You're really pretty!"

You were taken aback slightly and grinned at his straightforwardness. "Thank you Lev! You're really tall."

"LEV!!"

"It's in my genes." He suddenly patted your head while grinning. "I'll come back for you later, Y/n-chan. Kuroo-nii-san's calling." And he bounded down the stairs for Tetsurou.

Tadashi stared at you and shook his head, it made you jokingly gasp. "What? He was being friendly, Guchi-guchi."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."

The climb to the top of the stairs is exhausting but you paid it no mind because the view was worth it, it made your sad golden eyes sparkle somehow. Tadashi saw it and smiled anyway.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

The first day of the series of practice games are a mess you should say, considering Karasuno has yet to perfect their new gameplays. There's more room for improvement, and you're glad they aren't disheartened, thus you know they'll strive harder. To evolve, that is. That's how an omnivorous crow should be, to adapt to it's environment.

And you, to adapt to your environment, too. As a manager, you have to be up and going, because this what you chose to do. And as an assistant coach, that your team needs, what Coach Ukai needs, what Kei needs.

So why is he here, denying Tadashi of a time for personal practice? You stood by the door, hearing Tadashi convincing Kei to practice more but your awesome twin said,

"We have already practiced enough. It's no good to tire myself with practicing vigorously."

You rolled your eyes as Tadashi quipped a small "Oh. Okay."

You were not ready when Kei came out of the gym a second later, clicking his tongue as he saw you and trudged past you to the cafeteria. Unconsciously, you followed him.

"You should stay there and watch them. Why're you following me?"

"I don't know." He scoffed as he slowed down his pace to walk with you side by side.

"I didn't like it, Y/n. I don't need anotherー."

"Another what?" He, again, clicked his tongue at your clueless self and grabbed your ear enough to make you squirm.

"Oy! Karasuno! Tsukishimas! You, with the glasses!"

Both you and your brother whipped your heads towards the gym you were passing by. There you saw Tetsurou, and that Bokuto. You stopped your arm in time when it was going on instinct to your sternum for that unsightful mannerism. You didn't want Kei to worry about you. He has enough to think about.

"Can you jump blocks for us for a while?"

Huh?

"I'm busy training Lev with receivesー"

"I SAID I CAN JUMP BLOCKS WITH YOU NII-SAN!"

"ーShut up or I'll call Yaku!" Tetsurou roared to someone inside the gym that sounded like Haiba Lev who just whined loudly. You felt yourself fought a smile.

"Ah, I'm done for today, thank you senpais. Let's goー"

"HAAA!?" You both froze when they exclaimed, following your brother's cold rejection.

"It's lonely to practice spikes without blockers. Please." The golden-eyed player begged beside Tetsurou.

"You won't regret practicing blocks with this man. He's one of the top 5 aces of the country." Tetsurou added, just to convince your brother. But you know Kei won't. He's as cold now as ice.

"He just probably misses being in the Top 5 aces, Kuroo-san."

Someone with a monotone voice spoke from inside the gym that made Tetsurou cackle and mutter a "Don't mind" to the man beside him, tapping his shoulder in the process of comforting him.

"HEY!"

"And you're a middle blocker right? Should you be practicing more?"

A brow raised as you registered the sly tone from Tetsurou, and Kei registered it as well as he stiffen suddenly. Yare-yare.

Kei walked to them, clearly provoked and both the captains by the door were suprised by the reaction from your twin. They both held their thumbs up as Kei walked past them and inside the gym.

"Will you be watching your brother, Y/n-chan?"

Tetsurou asked you as you just stood there, debating within if you would accompany Kei or no. But why are you debating with yourself anyway? Your brother needs you there.

"Hai." You quipped as you walked through the pathway to the gym, the wind messing with your hair you have to tie it up again. Ugh.

You walked past the two captains and saw Fukurodani's setter by the net, and Lev of course, sprawled on the court's floor across the net with balls in his side. You grinned at his image while approaching Kei.

"You're hungry. You should go." You scrunched up your face at Kei while hearing coughs from behind.

"I'm gonna watch you. You're part of the team I want to improve." Kei groaned at that as you felt a calming presence from behind you, you wanted to ministrate your mannerism so bad.

"Let's start? Let's start? Agaaashee! Got a blocker!"

Even if you don't turn around and face that presence, you know he's grinning from ear to ear. How can he be so carefree like that? You took a deep, obscure breath and made way to the side of the court where Akaashi Keiji is standing. But Kei had plans. He dragged you to the side of the court with a chair for you to sit.

"Stay clear from the ball. You know how his spikes hurt."

That didn't escaped the boys' ears as Tetsurou snickered at the culprit of sorts.

"I was sorry."

You heard him mumble as you nodded to Kei giving your arm rubs before positioning opposite of the ace. You saw how they rested their eyes on you for a second before starting. But you noticed Lev staring at you, still sprawled on the floor and head propped up at your direction. He noticed you noticing him and he waved at you. You snickered, tilted your head and waved back. Cutie titan.

"LEV! RECEIVE!"

Lev groaned at the booming voice of Tetsurou as the ace is already in motion for a spike. You noticed Kei not closing in the line shot, causing the ace to take a shot there, just missing Kei's arm.

"Close the line shot, Kei!" Kei scowled at your remark but nodded anyway.

It went on for a few more with Tetsurou joining Kei on blocking until Bokuto stops and exasperatedly placed his hands on his waists as he stares at your brother.

"You know, Glasses-kunー"

"Tsukishima-desu."

"Tsukishima-kun." He huffs and scrunches his face. "You have an outstanding sense, but your blocks are pretty weak." You have to bite your bottom lip to suppress your escaping giggles at his straightforwardness, seeing Kei flinching in the process.

"I get so worried I'll break your arm in two or something. You have to rush in and stop it. Rush in!" Bokuto egged on and you have to clasp a hand above your lips to muffle your giggles at the comical scene in front of you.

"I'm still a growing kid, and I have so much ways to go in both muscular strength and height." Kei clapped back at him proudly which made you bury your face on your hands. You missed how Bokuto flinched at Kei's words.

"If you take things too easy, Chibi-chan will take all the glory. He's a middle blocker too, right?" Tetsurou nonchalantly added that shifted the comical atmosphere. You saw how Kei stiffen for a second and let out his hopeless smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

Of all the things your twin brother didn't like, it's comparing him to other people.

"I don't think I can do anything about it. There's an obvious difference in our potentials." And he always let himself down.

Without notice, some of Nekoma's players flooded the court, giving both you and your brother a confused look. You smiled at them while your brother shifted towards the door. "Well, looks like I'll be in the way. If you'll excuse me." He bowed at both the captains, still full of respect and went straight out.

"Kei!" You called at him as you rushed out, too. "Wait!"

"Don't run!" He hissed as you caught up on him.

"You're offended." You stated, wanting him to talk about it. He has to. He hasn't been talking to you about this.

You noticed him taking larger steps and you still stuck in his pace, not wanting him to make a distance from you. "I told you to stop talking."

"But why? You used to be so passionate with volleyball. I have noticed the changes, you know, so why?"

And he stopped abruptly. He faced you and took a step forward, meeting your questioning gaze.

"So much love for something will break you. You'll end up feeling so much pain later in the way."

And you saw how those unsaid words that may have followed his spoken ones trailed up to the atmosphere between you two.

"You just thought you don't want to be like me or Aki-nii." He groaned and that confirmed your statement. Your lips formed a thin line as another emotion came rushing up your gut, you took a step back from him.

"Why do both of you put so much into this? This is just a club and a sport! Will there be something waiting for me at the end of all of this? Huh?!"

Your brows involuntarily raised up at his change of tone and you were left speechless after he breathed a few rugged breaths and left you there standing in the pathway, the Saitama summer air blowing cold in your figure.

You exhaled a shaky breath as you watched him strut past the corridors and out of your sight, gulped as you inhaled back your emotions.

Keep it all in, Y/n. Keep it all in.

﹆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.・゜゜・

The girls in the room are long-gone asleep, hearing their shallow breaths as they slumber so deep. You can't sleep, have been staring at the ceiling for quite some time now. After the encounter with Kei, you kept quiet so as to not spill anything, even emotions. You're not supposed to show them anything other than your image of being a happy-go-lucky gal.

But you can't sleep. And your plushie isn't here to accompany you through your inner battles. You badly want to go home.

You huffed and sat up, rummaged from your bag for some layers of clothes and hoodies, rolled up your futon and pillow and silently went out to the corridor with those tucked in your arms.

The corridor is still lit, thankfully, and you were treading ever so silently so as to not wake the coaches sleeping on this floor. You have made it outside without any incident. You heard laughs from the second floor and found that all the boys' rooms are still all lit up. Your worry about being seen creeped in so you purposely sped up to the pathway to the side of the first gym where the penalties were held.

You felt excited for this night is so starry. And you suddenly missed your window sill back in Miyagi. Stargazing is your go-to when you have nothing to hold in your arms. It will surely lull you to sleep. It will be cold, but at least.

After smoothing your futon against the trimmed grass, you lay down and breathed in the Saitama night summer air, giddy that you could see the stars here clearly with all the lights turned off. It's dark but it's okay. You have been so accustomed in darkness to be bothered by it.

Your eyes were dancing from star to star and it felt like hours already until your mind drifted to Kei and his attitude earlier that night. Your gaze blanked as you remembered everything he said and why he said it; Why he felt like that.

Kei wasn't like that before. He used to be so passionate with the sport. But then, after what happened with Akiteru and his lies, added by you and your downfall, he changed. He saw Akiteru cry when your family went all back home after you all discovered his lies about being in the roster. Akiteru was broken hearted, yes, but it broke both of you more, broke Kei more. Akiteru was his hero, his idol, and seeing him like that and lying, the sour change was inevitable.

But the pain didn't stop for Kei there.

He saw you worked hard for your dream of being included with the aspiring players for the national league, to be known throughout Japan. He saw how you chased for it and win every match there is to reach Yoyogi Gym. But he saw you fall unconscious in the middle of that big game, just a step away bringing that national trophy.

You ended up in the hospital that day, with a devastating diagnosis. It broke him more, broke your family too. And you are to blame.

If you just heeded and took it easy in sports. If you have not just ignored the first signs.

It sucks to draw the shortest of all the sticks. It is your fate, but it doesn't mean you're notー

A squeaking step broke your train of thoughts. It came from the pathway. It was followed by a silhouette of a tall man. Initial fear creeped in as you can't seem to see the face of the approaching man. When he passed the threshold of the moonlight not too far away from where you are perched in your futon, the glistening white ends of his hair and his gleaming golden eyes came into view, not too obscure to not notice in this darkness.

He was heaving, and had a futon and a hoodie with him, and he was staring at you with anーis he irritated or something? You heard yourself scoff.

"You know, you're not supposed to be around here at night, alone with your thoughts." You turned your gaze away from his figure and stared at the swaying branches of a lone tree nearby.

"I'm sorry for Kuroo. It's mainly to mobilize people, motivate, but he's bad at delivering it and I'm aware of it." You stayed silent, hiding half of your face on your hoodie as you hugged your knees.

Rustles were heard beside you and you fought the urge to glance at it, knowing he's laying his own futon next to yours.

"We heard yourーuhm.. exchangeーfrom the gym. It's.. a little loud to not hear." You buried your face more to your knees, groaning low as you heard a low chuckle.

"So... you don't mind me being here, right?" You stiffen at his question for it has to be answered. And you're not sure how to not sound like you haven't been crying.

When you decided to just shake your head, you heard him hum in response and in the corner of your eye, he had laid back on his futon, arms under his head, golden eyes stared at the vastness of the starry Saitama skies.

The silence he offered for an hour was calming your nerves. Your still glossy eyes locked at his swaying feet and you blinked as it tranced your mind.

"Can't sleep." You murmured through your hoodie after an hour of silence with him, through the silence and rustling soft winds and the crickets harmonizing the night.

A questioning hum was quickly quipped, like he was waiting for you to speak up and break the silence between the two of you. You're glad he's not prodding. He's just.. waiting.

"There's just so much going on right now." You offered with a whisper, hoping he could hear.

"Thenー" You sighed in relief. "ーyou should unload some of it for you to be able to wear your mask again. Andー" He grunted and you heard shuffles and shoes were placed at the end of his futon. "ーit's okay if it's not with me. As long as you let some of it go."

You can't see him from your peripherals, but it felt like he sat up, legs still stretched and swaying. "Ahh~ it's really full of stars tonight!"

You stayed silent, rather enjoying the silence and his company. You felt comfortable and at peace andー

"If your dreams shatter in front of you after working so hard and so long for it, what will you do?"

He exhaled a long breath before resuming his leg movements. "Well, I would move on and do my second dream."

"Second dream?" You queried back, curious about his answer.

"Yeah? I have six dreams as of the moment, the first is for Fukurodani to become the national champion in the Interhigh and Spring Interhigh. If by any chance that that won't happen then, I'm going pro after I graduate instead and make a name for myself."

You gulped as you found yourself dumbfounded. All your life you have stucked your life direction to just one goal. You never had thought of doing anything else other than that. That was your compass, and when it crumbled last year, you were lost. Your life's meaning went to shambles too.

And then, this man in your right came along and blurted things about having many dreams, reserved dreams. It was pulling you to somewhere alien to you.

"You don't have any other dreams!?" He sounded scandalized at that, he even peeked at your side, wide golden eyes on you. You suddenly felt yourself tearing up and your mannerism exhibited unconsciously as your breath hitched. "I'm sorry Y/n. Was that a little loud? Sorry, I was just.. surprised."

But you were already shaking and crying from the realization, you can't control it. You're embarassing.

A hand came rubbing your back tentatively, touch hesitating. "I've been in an illusion all this time." You scoffed at yourself. "IーBokuto-san," You gulped before you continue, "I may have ruined things for Kei because of that illusion. He saw how I suffered when my dreams shattered last year. You see, I dreamt of doing nationals come highschool and make a name for myself enough to be a representative for the World Camp but something happened and I can't fulfill that dream anymore. And Kei saw everything and it made him hesitant to try his hardest for he saw pain when I did the same."

"There are also things that I can't tell my family ever since that day. And it's killing me already because I know it will hurt them one day. It will shatter them and it's scary. I just want to run away and be alone. I will hurt people as long as I'm breathing." You sniffed hard and wiped your snot with your hands.

"And you know what, Bokuto-san? I don't even want to be famous! I just want to excel in volleyball, to make my mom and dad the proudest! And now, they're allーOh, it's Tsukishima Y/n, how intimidating~ーAh! It's Y/n! We're doomed!ーCan't they just act normal!?"

"Andー" Your lips quivered as you stopped yourself, realizing you ranted almost half of your worries to a total stranger. And you almost told him about something you weren't even sure you wanna talk about. You buried your face in your palms and sobbed there.

You scolded yourself over and over at your outburst, worried what might the man beside you think. It was all shallow. Still too shallow than what you have kept hidden. Still too shallow to rant about. Oh my God, Y/n, you're really a shame.

The negative thoughts devoured you and you just want the earth to swallow you whole with your sobs right at that moment. You were anxious for the longest time and today may have peaked because of the exchange with Kei. If screaming just won't endanger your body, you would scream at the top of your lungs.

"You're beautiful."

"Huh?" You whipped your tear-and-snot-filled face to meet his eyes. His voice was breathy and his face is full of amazement and you can't even understand why. "What?" You might've heard it wrong. Fuck, your snot's doing their job against your ears. You're hearing things.

"You're beautiful."

Bokuto repeated with a boyish grin and a new batch of tears streamed down your face. You groaned and sobbed harder in your palms as you can't believe what he just said.

You're beautiful.

How could he say that? How could he say that now? Is he blind? Can't he not see? You're full of space debris, inescapable blackholes and exploding supernovas. You are not beautiful.

You felt his hand smoothing out your back again, his tentative touch seared through your hoodie and shirt, straight to your skin. "It's not okay now, but soon it's going to be. You'll figure it all out soon."

You squeezed your eyes shut, face pressed against your knees to stop the tears from falling. You fell silent with him again, his hands moved so slow on your back and it is relaxing.

It's not going to be okay. It'll never gonna be okay, butー

"Thank you." You whispered and turned your head to face him, offering him a small smile, cheek still against your knees. "Thank you, Bokuto-san. I find those things so hard to say out loud. But you made it easier. You somehow made it a lot easier."

He mimicked your body language, cheek resting on his knees too and smiling. "Glad to be of service." You sighed and buried your face again to your knees. "You're.. still shaking. Do you need a hug? Or can I even touch you? I'm sorry I touched you, I rubbed your back."

He saw you peeked to see his face and he got all nervous, he started scratching the back of his neck and pouted. "The last time I attempted to touch you, I was blocked by your friend."

Ah. Like everybody else.

"Any suggestions for a second dream?"

You veered from his topic. He might've noticed it for he came silent for a while, but he smiled nonetheless. How can this guy be so kind? It's scary.

"Well, what do you want to do?"

You exhaled a full amount of stress out of your nose as you felt the wind fanning against your face softly. It's warm now. Maybe because you have been curled up with your hoodie on for quite some time. But it's warm now.

What do you want to do huh. You never thought of that before, except for that closed goal. And every decision you'll have right now doesn't count as a goal for you. But if you'll think about it..

You hummed, biting your lip in deep thought. "Maybe.. make things easier for Kei, as an apology?"

Easier. But you already made it harder for him ever since you joined the team and be a hard-headed sister. He didn't vocalize it on your face, but he hates it and he worries so much about you. You're a burden now.

But you want him to take his moxie back, and succeed.

"Maybe improve his social and sportmanship, volleyball skills, overall? I know he loves volleyball. And I want to create an environment where it'll be fun for him."

You were on a roll as you laid out all what you want to do from now on. It was hesitant at first, but the man beside you showed no resistance and just listened to you, attentively. He keeps on egging you, encouraging you to do more, plan more. He's even more hyped when you talk about your visions of the future, future for Kei and for the team. But he offered a bit of resistance when you told him you wanted Karasuno to be the champ for Spring High. You laughed at his challenge.

He's warm. He's a light-source. He's an unknown force. And above all else..

He's.. pulling you out of the black tar.

You pursed your lips as you laid down on your futon next to him. He just asked why aren't you sleeping yet. It has been an hour after you have resolved your feelings and outbursts. And you were both just talking nonsense, mostly about his Kuroo, Kenma and Akaashi.

"I don't have my plushie. I can't sleep immediately without it."

He stared at you, full of confusion. "Can.. I do something about it?" You looked at him, bewildered at the offer.

It was almost two weeks since that day you saw someone who looks a lot like your horned owl plushies. You remembered staring at that crouching man, on his knees and apologizing about spiking the ball straight to your face. His hair, his brows and his eyes, his total expressionー

You grinned at Koutarou. "Can I touch your hair?"

He might've been so repulsed at your request that he sat up almost immediately. You bit your lip in embarassment. You were about to take back the request when he stared back at you.

"Will that help?" You blinked your eyes in confusion but you nodded eventually.

He silently stood, and you initially thought that you blew the budding friendship you have with him for the last couple of hours. You annoyingly shut your eyes and pouted in regret.

But you opened your eyes when you heard the scrunch sounds of his futon and you saw him repositioning it, perpendicular to yours, the head on your tummy's side. Your lip would have wounds in the morning because of your incessant biting. He's adorable, you can't help it.

Koutarou glanced at you after he laid down comfortably again in his futon. "You can touch it now. It'll help me sleep too, so win-win."

He grinned at you and it made your heart calm, it made you smile back and reach out to his hair. He reached out for your tentative hand and helped you card his soft locks. When you got the rhythm, he smiled eyes closed, his feet seem to dance at the sensation.

What surprised you was when he moved up to rest his head on your tummy and murmured, "This okay?", eyes still closed you thought your hands in his hair really is lulling him to sleep. You hummed in approval, still carding his hair and occassionally rub your thumb to his ear.

You woke up to the sound of your phone alarm. You and Koutarou had made plans about the morning after, now, and you have to move fast or you're both going to get it from your teams.

You sat up and found him face down on his pillow, back on his futon, hand ghosting yours. You smiled at his soft snores, and the funny way his leg hiked up to his body in the comfort of his sleep. You fought the urge to snap a pic of him.

You poked his broad shoulder and he lowly hummed, it made your back shiver at the sound. You bit your lip before poking him again. He murmured something before opening his eyes, staring sleepily back to yours. It was awkwardly silent for a minute, crickets still rang in the wee hours of morning.

"We have to get up, Y/n." You snickered at his drawling husky voice, for you are already up while he's still sprawled at his futon.

"Yup. We still have to shower and do laundry."

"We're not showering at the same time okay? Have to guard you while you shower." He murmured as he sat up, yawning after. You stared at the expanse of his back as he stretches and you smile.

"Okay."

You got off your futon and rolled it with your pillow, Koutarou doing the same with his. He's being pouty because of his incessant yawns, too cute.

"Bokuto-san." He looked down at you when he reached out for your rolled futon to carry it for you. "Why are you doing this?"

His lips scrunched to one side while he thinks, staring up to the skies, throat bobbing as he swallows a lump. He suddenly hummed and looked down at you, same curious but sure golden eyes.

"You feel like Kaori and Yukie, but more. Much more. You feel like Kuroo and Kenma at times, Akaashi even. But much more. Even if I just knew you."

Your confusion got the better of you as you stared at him too confused at his words. He paid no mind explaining it as he leaned to your face, but comfortably out of your personal space.

He smiled so warmly before saying, "I'm glad I met you again."

And it had your heart pounding uncontrollably, but suspiciously painless. You're aware your eyes widen as his eyes seemed to grin as he still stared at you and your reactions. You can't explain what's happening. All you know is there's a question waiting to be asked. Your hands went clammy at your sides, fisting your sweatpants as your knuckles shake.

"ーafter 2 weeks. I want to meet you again and again after this, hm?"

He grinned at your face but that follow-up phrase relaxed the hell out of you. You snorted and smiled back at him in relief.

"Glad I met you again, too, Bokuto-san. Thanks for accompanying me."

He reached out for your head and ruffled your hair as he smiled so brightly at you, along with his eyes so golden. You'd think there's a star directly infront of you while there are more above the Saitama skies that hour.

PREV | CHAP 2 | NEXT [masterlist]

FUN FACTS ::

1. Tobio and Shoyo just barely passed the 80 percentage of the supplemental exams, instead of the 90 percentage the vice-principal mandated them days ago during the wig scuffle.

2. Upon arriving, Shoyo puked at the court, the other boys had to mop it but the stench was still there Asahi had to puke too because of the stench.

3. That night with Eri and Bokuto, with Akaashi and Kuroo, Bokuto was bringing a cold compress and tissues for Y/n, thinking that her nose is still bleeding.

4. Kiyoko continuously teased Y/n throughout the day with Bokuto but it's oblivious to everyone around. Y/n kept pouting while shouting corrections to the team because of that, and Bokuto and some of the boys in the court notices that cute pout.

TAGLIST: @wolffmaiden @koushiwarrior @avygale @charsiuramen

☆ send an ask or msg me if you want to be in the taglist. thanks for the supporttt.

☆ Reblogs and interactions are appreciated. Theories will be entertained.

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dustedmagazine · 4 months

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Music is an Essential Verb: Derek Taylor 2023

Music remains, along with family, friends, and a select few venial vices, my primary daily defense against the mental erosions of spiritual malaise and existential dread. Being a humanist also means being a realist, and little looks to be different on that score in the year ahead as we continue to careen toward a bleak and self-defeating dénouement. The veil of uncertainty around what ultimately feels like inevitability redoubles the need to remain thankful for and supportive of those who devote themselves to art. Summary capsules below describe some of the sounds that kept me going in 2023.

Peter Brötzmann, Wayne Shorter, Kidd Jordan, & Charles Gayle

“The trauma of my generation was what our fathers had done to the rest of the world, and so we said, ‘never again,’ and that was the whole impetus through all my life, and it still is.” ~ Brötzmann (2018)

Musician attrition and demise are dispiriting aspects of every annum, but the departure of four disparate octogenarian reedists exacted an especially steep emotional and cultural toll this year. Shorter and Jordan passed away in March, each of them leaving a rich legacy as indefatigable improviser and altruistic educator that continue influence and inspire. Brötzmann exited in June after the return of a protracted respiratory illness. Few if any can match the magnitude of his mileage and six-decade itinerary as an irrepressible, obstinately adventurous world traveler. Gayle ascended in September, an ardent, uncompromising eremite to the end. All four men left behind discographies and concert/interview footage that will leave the faithful and curious listening and marveling in perpetuity, but their collective absence still aches.

Kirk Knuffke & Joe McPhee Quartet + 1 – Keep the Dream Up (Fundacja Sluchaj)

One of the manifold joys of following the output of Kirk Knuffke is anticipating who he’ll collaborate with next. The cornetist’s ears and imagination are as huge as his heart, a trait he has in common with the equally equanimous Joe McPhee. They’ve known each other for years but Keep the Dream Up is their first released collaboration and it’s an affirming alloy of their complementary creative temperaments. Longtime McPhee comrades Michael Bisio and Jay Rosen complete the quartet with bass clarinetist Christof Knoche comprising the additive on a Brooklyn studio session that captures collective creative lightning in a digital bottle. My album of the year for these reasons and more, although hopefully Joe will bring his brass to a follow-up conclave soon.

Don Byas – Classic Sessions 1944-1946 (Mosaic)

Saxophonist Don Byas recorded prolifically during the 1940s. His porous sound and popular style bridged the schools of swing and bop through prowess and panache aligned with the most esteemed of post-WII tone scientists. That sustained industriousness hasn’t reflected in reliable access to his works, primarily because they’re spread across a plethora of independent labels and competing copyrights. Leave it to Mosaic Records to rectify the longstanding reissue lacuna. This long gestating collection corrals and sequences the bulk of them across ten discs, scrubbing their sound, and adding an expansive cache of rarified verité concert recordings made in a Swedish jazz fan’s residence. Indulging in one’s Byas bias has never been easier or as edifying.

Fred Anderson – The Milwaukee Tapes Vol. 2 (Corbett vs Dempsey)

Patience and long-game aptitude are among music producer/archivist/advocate John Corbett’s virtues. This unexpected, but abundantly welcome sequel to an archival Anderson collection on Corbett’s long defunct Unheard Music Series took 23 years to secure commercial circulation and offers an additional hour-plus from the same gig in improved sound. Fellow AACMers Billy Brimfield and Hamid (nee Hank) Drake join bassist Larry Hayrod in bringing vibrant, detailed life to the Lone Prophet of the Prairie’s (as Anderson was affectionately known) serpentine, cerulean melodies. Corbett’s current label released a plenitude of music in 2023 (see also below) but the uncommon opportunity to hear more Anderson of any vintage makes this release worthy of independent mention.

Jason Adasiewicz

Corbett vs. Dempsey also had a welcome role in Jason Adasiewicz’s return to record with two different projects. On vinyl, Roy’s World documents a 2017 Chicago studio session by the vibraphonist’s quintet originally intended as the soundtrack to a film based on neo-noir novelist Barry Gifford’s short stories. Chicago stalwarts Josh Berman, Joshua Abrams, Hamid Drake, join saxophonist Jonathan Doyle in the ensemble for a program that sounds at once fresh and nostalgic while always vital. On CD, Roscoe’s Village dispenses with band for a solo selective foray through the songbook of Roscoe Mitchell including evocative renderings of “Congliptious” and “A Jackson in Your House” that retain the composer’s essence while striking out in bold new directions.

Natural Information Society

Grounded as it is in core voices of guembri, frame drum and harmonium, codification of Josh Abrams’ NIS as a jazz ensemble immediately feels reductively incomplete. All participating instruments can be active architects in the undulating, melody-laced drones that frequently form the basis of the band’s gradual, granulated improvisations. Performances are more akin to collective expeditions where a galvanizing gestalt effect is afoot; one where earned communal peaks preserve the individual power and agency of the interlocking parts. Since Time is Gravity augments this already catalytic template by incorporating a larger contingent of Chicago colleagues including tenorist Ari Brown to the equation.

Abdul Wadud

A jazz-based improviser on the cello who didn’t double on other stringed instruments, Wadud was also a consummate collaborator and sideman. Magnanimity in lending his substantial talents to the projects of others resulted in a paucity of albums under his own name. By Myself from 1977 on the Bisharra label is a revelatory anomaly on that self-effacing resume. Wadud approaches the instrument as a multifaceted sound factory, plucking, strumming, and bowing, often simultaneously, to create solo tone poems steeped in personal poignancy. Gotta Groove’s vinyl reissue is a beautiful facsimile of the original album object in faithfully reconstructed fidelity.

Marion Brown

Georgia-born altoist Marion Brown had a lengthy, storied career but the body of recorded work that he left behind can present difficulties in terms of ingress to its totality. Scattered across labels, years, and circumstances, much of it is either out of print or commercially unreleased. That collective relative obscurity makes a trio of releases, two on the German Moosicus label, and a third Record Store Day viny reissue of Brown’s 1970 studio duets with Wadada Leo Smith under the shared sobriquet Creative Improvisation Ensemble even more valuable. Of the former two, Mary Ann presents concert material by Brown’s quartet from a 1969 Bremen club gig in soundboard fidelity. Gesprächsfetzen & In Sommerhausen combines two more German concert snapshots, quintet, and sextet, from 1968 & 1969 with Gunter Hampel originally released on the Calig imprint. Steve McCall is a boon on drums in all three contexts.

Art Pepper – Complete Maiden Voyage Recordings (Omnivore)

Art Pepper was an inveterate rake for most of his life, magnifying destructive interpersonal tendencies with drugs and frustratingly frequent acts of self-sabotage. That star-crossed propensity makes the fact that he left so much magnificent music even more miraculous. This lavish box is a fascinating compendium of the constantly competing artistic contradictions at his center, collecting a quartet gig across three nights and seven club sets in Pepper’s native Los Angeles, ten months prior to his premature passing at 56. Over half of the music is previously unreleased and the rhythm section, led by the impeccable and implacable pianistics of George Cables, gives Pepper a cumulative confidence boost that keeps him on the rails. None of it has ever sounded better.

Pan Afrikan People’s Arkestra

Los Angeles of the late-1970s was an unforgiving environment for the economic necessities of orchestral jazz. The Pan Afrikan People’s Arkestra, under the nominal leadership of pianist/composer/community organizer Horace Tapscott, was a tenaciously subversive force in the face of that ruinous rule. Adopting the Immanuel United Church of Christ as an informal base of operations, the large ensemble resourcefully engaged in an ambitious series of concerts in 1979. The Nimbus label, long a Tapscott exponent and repository, released the first three entries this year in an archival subscription series collecting the voluminous results. Titles are also available individually and present the pivotal band at a performative peak with star soloists Sabir Mateen, Billy Harris, Jesse Sharps, and Robert Miranda shining just as bright as their fearless foreman.

Alan Skidmore – A Supreme Love

Unexpectedly issued on Mark Wastell’s Confront label, an imprint better known for its fealty to free improvisation, this six-disc archival tribute to Alan Skidmore’s 70+ year career in music launches with the saxophonist’s 1961 radio debut and lands some seven-hours later with his intimate 2019 rendering of John Coltrane’s “Psalm.” The aural expanse between is brimming with bright moments and luminary collaborators the likes of which include Tony Oxley, Kenny Wheeler, Wayne Shorter, Dave Holland, Mike Osborne, Elvin Jones, and another dozen name drops from the top tier of improvised music. It’s a wild, illuminating ride and a sterling example of a musical memorial done right.

The Jazz Doctors – Intensive Care/Prescriptions Filled: The Billy Bang Quartet Sessions 1983/1984 (Cadillac)

Billy Bang and Frank Lowe shared a bottomless fraternal bond forged through parallel traumas internalized in Vietnam and expressed by the subsequent embrace of the restorative power of improvised music. The pair of sessions (one reissued, one archival) collected on this disc epitomize their deep attachment arguably as well as any of their other numerous collaborations. Outside the cardinal duo, the Jazz Doctors never really had a stable lineup, but the quartets here embody two of their best. Both programs are loosely adherent to freebop conventions with violin and tenor saxophone combining over contrabass and drums for a potent front line. Bang and Lowe are long gone now, their shared absence making the availability of this music even more precious.

Attila Zoller & Jimmy Raney

Hungarian guitarist Attila Zoller had selective affinity for other artists on the instrument, so much so that his mid-career period is seeded by fateful encounters with plectrist peers. Most prolific among these partnerships was his prudent pairing with Jimmy Raney. A popular proponent of bop-based jazz, Raney was in a similar exploratory headspace when the two joined forces on a trio of recordings for the German L + R label over a seven-year span. Concert dates from Frankfurt (’80) and Berlin (’86) find the duo spooling out lengthy dialogues that dabble in free improvisation while keeping codified melodies within reach. An earlier New York encounter (’79) explores their rapport in a studio. All three reissues on the Japanese Ultra-Vybe imprint are aces.

Steve Swell’s Fire Into Music

Simultaneously emblematic of NYC free jazz in the early aughts and fiercely dedicated to resisting pitfalls of provincialism by touring generously and rigorously, trombonist Steve Swell’s Fire into Music was one of the finest quartets of its kind. Posthumously dedicated to the late altoist Moondoc, this three CD set collects a trio of small venue concerts by the band from gigs in Texas and Ontario. As with the horns, William Parker and Hamid Drake are ideally suited to the extended, expository freebop safaris that formed the ensemble’s flexible repertoire. Swell’s the leader on paper but sagely embraces musical communalism without fail.

Intakt

Running a physical media imprint in the 21st century is an inherently parlous enterprise, but this steadfast Swiss label continues to evidence how it’s done. This year’s standout catalog entries include Andrew Cyrille’s Music Delivery/Percussion, the octogenarian drummer’s third solo album and first in 45-years; bassist Jöelle Leandré’s solo Zurich Concert; pianist Aruán Ortiz’s Serranías Sketchbook for Piano Trio; Beyond Dragons by the trio of saxophonist Angelika Niescier, cellist Tomeka Reid, and drummer Savannah Harris, and Ohad Talmor’s Back to the Land, a quartet-plus-guests survey that takes its compositional focus an archival workshop date by Ornette Coleman and Lee Konitz.

Ezz-thetics

The appearance of the Swiss Ezz-thetics imprint four years ago raised both eyebrows and ire. Lacking access to master tapes, veteran free jazz and new music producer Werner Uehlinger sourced commercially released editions instead, employing ace audio engineer Peter Pfister succeeded by Michael Brandli to rejuvenate and refurbish the recordings, stateside copyright considerations be damned. Reaction was expeditious and polemical, but proof is in the hearing as most of the label’s dozens of releases sound better than their original incarnations. Catalog highlights this year include another round of Albert Ayler airshots including his pivotal meeting with the Cecil Tayor Trio in 1962 on More Lost Performances, Charles Mingus’ At Antibes 1960, and Ornette Coleman’s At the Golden Circle.

Fresh Sound

Jordi Pujol is akin to Uehlinger in that he refuses to let his vision and ambitions as a producer be abbreviated by external opinion. In Pujol’s case it’s yielded a bountiful inventory of antiquarian titles that rights holders have shown little to zero interest in restoring to begin with. Cases in point for this year include a definitive collection of obscurando saxophonist Boots Mussulli’s works; concert and studio collections by the Count Basie alumni tandem of Al Grey and Billy Mitchell; hens’ teeth rare leader sessions by Arthur Lyman vibraphonist Julius Wechter; and a two-fer of Julliard-trained Ellingtonian Cass Harrison piano trio albums. Exciting guilty pleasures all around.

Playing for the Man at the Door

As complex as he was controversial, Robert “Mack” McCormick deserves consideration in the esteemed company of other maverick cultural archivists like Alan Lomax, George Mitchell, and Harry Smith. With a preservationist purview mostly comprising Texas and bordering states, McCormick spent much of his adult life obsessively documenting and disentangling the cultural capital of the region through recordings, photography, interviews, essays, and research. Smithsonian Folkways became repository for the massive reservoir after his passing and this box is the first in what will hopefully be multiple dispatches from the same. Unreleased field recordings of Mance Lipscomb and Lightnin’ Hopkins represent the big names, but works by the likes of Hop Wilson, Cedell Davis, Robert Shaw, and a handful of others are just as persuasive. Bongo Joe Coleman’s impassioned presidential pitch closing the set will have listeners pining for a time when third party Executive Branch candidacy didn’t seem so fraught.

Joni Mitchell Archives - Vol. 3, The Asylum Years 1972 to 1975

Mitchell’s continuing project corollary to her old friend Neil Young’s analogously exhaustive retrospective enterprise, this third entry in the series finds her 30-something-self further broadening the lens of her art beyond the solo concert music that dominated the first two boxes. There are stirring solitary shows here, too, but it’s the band offerings that prove most revealing, particularly in the company of reedist Tom Scott’s fusion group L.A. Express. James Taylor, Graham Nash, and David Crosby lend contributory hands, and there’s a brief but intriguing collaboration with Young alongside a trove of demos and workshop versions of songs from her first three albums for Asylum.

Martin Davidson

In closing, another memorial. Martin Davidson wasn’t a musician, but European free improvisation as an art and archive would be a fraction of what it is without his copious and enduring work. As steadfast proprietor of the Emanem label he put his resources into musicians whose efforts frequently fell outside the probability of consistent commercial remuneration. Under his aegis, influential improvisers like Steve Lacy, Derek Bailey, Evan Parker, and Paul Rutherford gained robust catalogs alongside other aspiring artists who never garnered even niche cachet. Davidson was a curmudgeon and an anachronism, trusting his ears implicitly, suffering the indignities of inquiries from strangers seeking audience with the hip hop icon who shared the phonetics of his imprint’s name, and advancing the pleasures of physical media well past their purported expiration date. He was also a talented writer, adding invaluable context to his releases through first-person testimony and critique. Martin will be missed.

And as is tradition in this 20th iteration of this year-end exercise, 25 more titles in stochastic order. Thanks to all for reading, and gratitude to Jennifer Kelly for providing the forum and formatting.

Rodrigo Amado’s The Bridge – Beyond the Margins (Trost)

James Brandon Lewis – For Mahalia with Love (Tao Forms)

Henry Threadgill – The Other One (Pi)

Guillermo Gregorio – Two Trios (ESP)

Rob Brown – Oceanic (RogueArt)

Rich Halley Quintet – Fire Within (Pine Eagle)

Milford Graves w/ Arthur Doyle & Hugh Glover – Children of the Forest (Black Editions)

Mike Osborne – Starting Fires: Live at the 100 Club 1970 (British Progressive Jazz)

Jim Hall – Uniquities Vol 1 + 2 (ArtistShare)

Madhuvanti Pal – The Holy Mother (Sublime Frequencies)

V/A – On the Honky Tonk Highway with Augie Meyers & the Texas Re-Cord Company (Bear Family)

Mal Waldron & Terumasa Hino – Reminiscent Suite (Victor/BBE)