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undiscovered-horizon · 1 year

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"Apple tree" - Kaz Brekker x Reader

[nudity]

SUMMARY: No one recognizes the melody Kaz sometimes hums to himself while lost in thought. Neither does anyone know where he disappears for entire nights or why he seems happier when he returns.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.5k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

In those rare moments when Kaz is too focused on something to pay attention to the material world, a soft hum would escape his lips as though the tune could finally wriggle out of his cluttered mind and dance along the cold winds of Ketterdam. Set free, at last!

Jesper once asked him about the melody but Kaz only gave him a puzzled look as though he wasn’t aware of his own habit. Knowing that they can’t possibly force anything from their hard-headed boss, the Crows began making bets among themselves:

‘Probably just a barkeep’s song he can’t get out of his head.’

‘Some kind of a meditation technique.’

‘Maybe it’s a song from his neighbourhood?’

‘Lullaby his mother sang to him!’

But all of their guesses were equally good. Although, a more accurate expression would be ‘equally incorrect’. As months turned into years, the mystery remained, while the nosy rogues still aren’t any closer to solving it. What’s worse, they are beginning to run out of ideas.

Arguing about the melody in hushed voices, they never see him leave - only notice his sudden absence. This part of the enigma, however, is well-known to them: Kaz will reappear in the late morning the next day, a lot more patient and relaxed than he was the night before. Where could he possibly vanish to, they wondered.

Kaz hears himself quietly sigh in relief when your quiet voice reaches his ears. The longed-for sound comes from the hall, growing louder as you walk into your bedroom. Sitting on your bed with his back against the wall, he has a perfect view of your silhouette rounding the corner and entering the room. An uncomfortable tightness presses down on Kaz’s chest, the very same sensation he felt that fateful day when your eyes met. Despite all this time, he hasn’t yet gotten used to the sight: you emerge from the hall as though you were just breathed into life, with the softness of something oblivious to the terror of the surrounding world. He likes that thought, no matter how naive it is - that he can both have you all to himself and protect you from what he is.

“Near my garden bloomed an apple tree,” you sing to yourself. “Bloomed in white, it had red apples.”

There’s something in your voice that he can’t quite put a finger on - a sense of longing, melancholy, as though the song becomes a coded message when it brushes past your lips; like there’s a heartache you haven’t yet shared with him. He sometimes wonders how many tears you’ve cried when he wasn’t looking but the thought makes him too angry to entertain it for more than a handful of seconds.

The lack of attention you give Kaz is quite deceptive. You’re standing right in the middle of the room, undressing a little too temptingly for it to be an accident. There’s no shame or shyness left in you - after all, he’s seen all of it before, many times. His eyes burn your skin in the same way a ray of sunshine feels against cold cheeks in the middle of winter. You bask in it, the desire that still burns after all those years, even if he doesn’t quite realize it.

“Who will pick them for me when my Johnny is cross?”

A horse’s neighing diverts Kaz’s attention from you to the cracked-open window. It’s like a robbery - the smallest gap can be an entrance. Or an exit, for that matter. Although your voice is hushed, audible only to him and yourself, Kaz begins to feel envious at the notion that the night breeze could possibly carry this sweet tune to undeserving ears. Perhaps it is childish of him to think that he could have exclusive ownership of you and this little song, to finally have something he can call his own.

“He’s angry but I don’t know why. Used to visit me but I don’t know why.”

His gaze returns to you, watching closely as you sit at the vanity. The oil lamp beside you lights up only half of your face, making you appear somewhat elusive, a bird of paradise that shall escape the moment you loosen your grip around its wings. You’re taking off your jewelery, putting it away to assorted boxes with utmost attention and care. Kaz can relate to this, in a way - years ago, when your romance was only buds about to bloom, he warned you that you should find another man, someone who can give you the lavish lifestyle you deserve and intimacy you certainly want. But you were more than unwilling to listen and that was, perhaps, your last mistake as the moment you gave yourself to him, Kaz was going to fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo. He is a crow, after all - a greedy collector of treasures.

“He visited me all spring, asking mother when I would grow.”

For the first time this evening, your gaze deliberately meets his. You’re still sitting at the vanity, sideways to Kaz, and you have to look over your shoulder to see his face. In that moment, there is something so divine about you, he begins to doubt his senses. His mind relates to various frescos and paintings of the Saints he has seen. Those same pieces of exquisite artistry bring thousands of people to their knees, bowing in front of faces as gentle as yours. Their hearts suddenly rejoicing in the presence of merciful, watchful eyes that only know love and care. No Saint has ever watched over him, so perhaps it is only natural that he should start praying to you. Epiphany, after all, is not an artifact of pews, old pages and litanies - it is the moment you see yourself through the eyes of your lover, only to realize that not an ounce of your soul could ever be unlovable.

That look in your eyes - he both hates it and yearns for it. It’s like you’re staring at something worth admiring. Kaz always thinks he sees there a note of mercy; a look of compassion and understanding given to a wounded animal that tries to remain threatening. Maybe you have fallen into a trap he didn’t even know he had set.

A few minutes pass by when you and Kaz simply watch each other. The silence is filled with nothing and everything at once - unspoken promises, words of poetry and grandeur that would only attract malice if said in Ketterdam.

“Something’s on your mind,” he breaks the comfortable quietness.

“You should get some rest, love.”

Kaz has a burning suspicion that you know very well what you’re doing to him with your small, albeit still groundbreaking, confessions of adoration. The closer he grew to you, to more of those affirmations he began to notice. Mostly, they aren’t straightforward but like snowdrops in February, they are apparent to those looking for them and by the Saints, does Kaz Brekker look for the confirmation of your love, never quite satiated. In words of care, ‘go to sleep’ or ‘eat something’, he’s learned to find intimacy beyond spoken language.

“I didn’t come here for rest,” Kaz informs. No one in their right mind would choose sleep over the presence of something too divine to be considered only human.

A wide smile creeps onto your face. How is he supposed to remain ‘the Bastard’ when you’re looking at him like that?

“Then what for?” you coax.

He cocks his head, staring at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Perhaps I just enjoy the view.”

“Oh my, did you just give me a compliment?” Jokingly, you put a hand on your chest. A giggle escapes your lips.

“Would that be so awful?”

You stand up from the vanity, making your way towards him. His watchful gaze never leaves you, painting Kaz something of a predator - waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce. Climbing into your bed, you lay beside him.

“So awful I’d stay up all night thinking about it,” you say in a hushed tone.

Ever since he’s gotten comfortable with that, the motion of laying his head against your chest feels so natural to Kaz that he can hardly believe he has lived most of his life without doing so. Your muffled heartbeat rings in his ears and he unknowingly takes a deep, slow breath - you’re right here with him. Most importantly, you’re okay and that’s enough for him to put his thoughts at rest. Your hand brushes through his hair. To Kaz, intimacy feels perfectly strange.

In a voice barely louder than the calm rhythm of your heart, you finish the song that has bewitched Kaz about as much as you have:

“He visited me all summer and I kissed him for that. He visited me all autumn and I put apples in his pockets.”

When his consciousness dances along the line of sleep and wake, he feels your warm lips softly kissing his forehead. Maybe he has been wrong all along and it was you who had trapped him. Not that he has any desire to break free, of course.

#kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows fanfic #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows fanfiction #six of crows #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #kaz brekker x you #six of crows x you #shadow and bone x you #Spotify

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satosugusandwich · 3 months

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𝔏𝔢𝔱 𝔐𝔢 𝔖𝔢𝔢 𝔜𝔬𝔲’𝔯𝔢 𝔐𝔢𝔞𝔫…

True Form!Sukuna x Fem!Afab!Reader (This is an AU!!! Sukuna is not a homicidal maniac cannibalistic murderer! I think he’s sexy and my morals say no dick from crazy murderer BUT dick from crazy 😍)

Cw: very brief mention of trauma, sukuna is an ass, alcohol, mild sexual content but no smut just yet

Description: You've been friends with Yuji Itadori for some time now and have seen the best, the worst, and the strange in all your years of knowing him. You've never thought he was one to have any crazy secrets and well... you were wrong. And now the demon bound to Yuji is bound to you too! How fun! Good thing that you aren't stupid and won't fall for a being that by no means should you have ever interacted with! Right? Right...?

*Yuji is aged up but there will be no sexual stuff with him except maybe like a brief mention but yeah*

Chapter 3 Here!

@dressycobra7

Chapter 4: Quite the Teacher

You did your best to avoid Sukuna most of the time after that and eventually Yuji left your apartment to pick up a few changes of clothes, so you were left alone with Sukuna again. Sukuna was an enigma to you and you to him. Before you could interact with Sukuna, he'd have to watch you through Yuji even though most of the time he did his best to stay away from Yuji. When Sukuna was first reawakened, he was obsessed with fucking around with Itadori and pushing his buttons, but Yuji was far too stubborn to break so eventually Sukuna gave up. Now, he has the perfect opportunity to get quality entertainment but of course he's stuck with an overly sensitive human that has spent the past few days crying or eating. Its no fun when he can't get a reaction out of them, you'd break too fast for his liking. Yuji doesn't break at all, in fact, each time Sukuna pisses off Yuji, he mostly ignores him.

After a few days, you decided you would go to class even if you didn't want to. Yuji agreed that it was good for the sake of normalcy and explained not to worry about Sukuna because he'd most sleep on the ground somewhere or lay down his seats in the car. So long as Sukuna chooses to follow Yuji around, he won't have to be stuck with you. And yet... here he is, staring over your shoulder while you try to listen to the lecture. It felt so awkward having Sukuna hovering above you, just standing to your left while no one else can see him. You have no idea why he decided you'd be the best to follow and you weren't very flattered by it. It took everything for you to not react. The professor would keep talking and then Sukuna would make some side comment about the information he's trying to teach or make a comment about what one of the other students is doing. It didn't help if they were funny and you had to do the most not to laugh.

The monster has always been attentive, things would catch his eye that no one else would from his hundreds of years worth of battle experience. Humans have always had interesting habits to him, some that were entertaining and others that were plain annoying. For example, in the show he was watching, there were humans that were fond of being suspended in intricate patterns and tortured pleasurably which seemed counterintuitive to the human urge to survive. On the other hand, there were more annoying habits, like the humans that obsessed over adjusting their clothing to always look a certain way, as if others' opinions made them so insecure it was palpable. To him, if another judges, why not just show them to mind their own business? Sadly, you were one of those that seemed preoccupied with others views of you. And one that was too timid to tell others to mind their business.

You got up to go to the bathroom and he followed behind you. "Hey," you said once you were out the door, "can you stand further away from me? Or like teleport to Yuji or something?"

With his observational skills, he could tell you were uncomfortable with him watching you, as much as you initially tried to hide it. "Why can't I stand next to you?"

"It feels weird! You keep on staring at me!" You entered the bathroom and shut the door behind you.

"Weren't you staring at me all day yesterday?" He said through the door.

Your face got hot, but not in embarrassment, more so frustration. You really didn't want to leave class as boring as it was, you just wanted to be isolated from Sukuna from a moment and especially his peering eyes. Sukuna wanted to push you as much as he also wanted to know how your brain works, frustratedly his only choice was to stalk you. (It is not his only choice, he’s not good at asking questions.)

When you exited the bathroom, you came face to face with him and you couldn’t help but look into his eyes, you’d never seen real life red eyes before, and never this many on one face. Sukuna didn’t make any comments about your staring but it certainly amused him whether or not he’d admit it. You looked away and started to walk back to class, but this time he decided to sit outside of the room and rest on two of his arms.

Once you reached the end of the day, you were reunited with Yuji which you were beyond grateful for. You have no fucking idea how he tolerates having Sukuna with him at all time or at least in proximity. You can practically have zero privacy unless a door is between you! And did Sukuna watch him as much as he watches you???? You assumed he had just gotten used to it over time and you sincerely hoped you would too. You really hadn’t chewed on the fact that you’re actually stuck with him for life and you wondered if Yuji had accepted that as well. Did Sukuna?

Yuji suggested going to get some drinks tonight, a little pick me up to get you out of your head and while you originally opposed the idea, you decided maybe it’ll take your mind off the trauma and Sukuna. Before that, the three of you went to your place and you slept for nearly the whole day before you sat back to do work, which helped to bring you back into your body and not your thoughts. Then it was 8pm.

You wanted to go out at a seemingly normal time and just throw back a few in peace and maybe talk to a few people while you were at it. Since you all decided to ride in your car, Sukuna was lucky enough to have ample space for once. You didn’t know if he really wanted to follow you around or if the binding made it so that he couldn’t leave either of your sides and Yuji was also wondering the same thing, he just didn’t want to stir the pot. When you arrived at this cute little bar, you were met with Megumi, Yuji’s boyfriend.

“Hey!” You ran up to the man sat at the bar. “I haven’t seen you in a little bit!”

Megumi smiled and waved while Yuji placed a kiss to his cheek. “Yeah, I’m back in town. I visited my sister for a few days.”

Yuji sat down beside him. “I’m so happy to see you!!!” He was ecstatic, grinning from ear to ear. Looking at the boys, they seemed like opposites. Yuji being a super jubilant, bright eyed, pink haired, and muscular dude versus Megumi being a somber, dark eyed, dark haired, more athletic build. It was charming to you, but clearly, the touchy feely stuff made Sukuna groan. He sounded like a grossed out kid.

“I already ordered some shots.” Megumi said. “I know Yuji and Nobara would down them super fast.”

The name made your eyes light up. “Oh is she coming?” You loved when she was around since you were able to complain about men together.

Megumi nodded. “She’s in the bathroom, we came together.”

Sure enough, she was out as soon as he said that, pulling her tube top up and running to you. You outstretched your arms to hug her as if you hadn’t seen her in ages and, of course, another groan from Sukuna. Nobara started pattering on, telling you all about the past few weeks and why she hasn’t been around as much. You kept on giggling and it was like you forgot Sukuna was there. the demon had found his way to a corner and opted to people watch while you continued to bore him. He was still attentive to you, wondering how long he was going to be stuck here watching you all.

Over the past few years of watching Itadori, he learned to find ways to entertain himself, be it creating stories in his mind or thinking about his life. When he felt the urge to mess with people, considering he was able to interact with objects, he loved giving people a spook. One thing he will miss is constantly spooking you, now that you’re aware of his presence, it’ll be much harder. A poor dude decided to turn his back so Sukuna shifted his drink over to the other end of the table. The man didn’t notice it at first, so he did it again. The second time had the man blinking and looking around like crazy. Then Sukuna saw that someone left their keys on the table so naturally, he took them and hid them on the floor under the table. Then of course, he went into the bathrooms and decided to shake the stall doors. Well populated places like this were his favorite outings, he could fuck with whatever he’d like, especially because Yuji couldn’t lecture him without looking like he’s insane.

Sukuna’s acts didn’t go unnoticed by you and as you watched him you realized that a lot of the shit you went through with Yuji was Sukuna’s fault! Oh yeah, when this alcohol induced confidence kicks in, you’re going for his ass.

Nobara noticed that you were downing a million drinks so she put her hand on your shoulder. “Hey, you tryna get dicked down tonight or did something happen?”

You nearly choked on your drink. “Listen, liiiisteeen.” You stretched the second word and slammed your drink down. “I am never letting a man even think about my vagina ever again!”

Nobara put her hands up. “Oh? Finally gave up, huh?”

You scoffed. “Gave up??? Nah, I learned that none of them are worth it! I’ve decided that the next man I fuck will have to eat it first, kiss it too! And also he needs to walk the walk as much as he talks. Each dick I’ve been near recently has just been god awful.” You couldn’t help but rant while she looked at you with wide eyes.

“Yeah, for real. It’s only right they get you to nut first!” She agreed, slamming back another. “There’s this guy they’ve been talking about you know. He’s a little bit older but not too much, but they say he eats like he’s starved.” She licked her lips and nudged you.

“I need proof!”

She pulled on your arm. “It’s rumors for sure, but he’s really fucking hot.” Pulling out her phone, she opened up Instagram and showed you his account.

“Oh my fuck—“ you gaped. “His hair!!! His eyes!!!!!” It’s true. He’s tall as fuck, has Snow White hair, bright blue eyes, and is built not as much as Sukuna, but built. Not to mention his cocky grin and how his sunglasses sit on the end of his nose. “But he’s one of those guys who knows they’re hot, those guys are red flags!”

She shushed you. “Listen, y/n, he’s totally your type. You’re more in his age range and he supposedly likes girls like you. You should DM him!”

You thought on it for a minute, you are a few years older than your friends and even if he’s a bit older, he’s got a good reputation. Scrolling through his account, he’s sexy as hell, has sexy friends, and frequents this same bar. She must’ve heard about him from the other girls here. “Who is the other guy here?”

Nobara tapped on the image and went to his account. “Oh yeah, he’s the darker type. Suguru and Satoru, funny.” She read their names and you looked at both of them. That’s one hell of a threesome idea.

“You like those kinds of men?” Sukuna’s voice boomed behind you.

You turned around fast but then remembered no one else can hear or see him, except Yuji. “Oh.” You turned back around and Nobara lifted a brow.

“What’s up?” She asked, peering behind her to see what you were looking at.

“It’s nothing.” You responded, now looking up the men on Instagram.

Sukuna spoke again. “They seem to be rather proud of themselves. From my experience, they break the hardest.”

You tried to not talk back, but the alcohol was definitely making your temper rise. Yuji was an expert at drowning out Sukuna at this point so he didn’t even notice your distress, not to mention the alcohol and his pretty boyfriend had his attention more than you. Sukuna, for once, hadn’t picked up on it either.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.”

Now Itadori was looking at you. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. “Yeah, just gotta get something really fast.”

Nobara grabbed your arm. “I’ll come with it’s not safe.”

You pushed away your hand. “It’s fine, I’ll be safe.” That’s true, you could just tell Sukuna to save you. You exited the bar and when you got to your car, you looked around to make sure no one was there and sure enough, Sukuna decided to follow you.

“Hm, did I irritate you?” He looked slightly amused.

You did not. “Yes! You won’t shut the fuck up!” You were pissed now, arms crossed and looking at him like he’s crazy.

“Oho? You do have some fire, huh?” He was grinning now, both pairs of arms crossed.

“You’ve been an ass to me since we’ve met and I’ve been beyond nice to you! It’s like all you want to do is piss me off, Yuji too! I literally just went through the most traumatizing experience of my fucking life and now you’re being an asshole to me! Watching me, making comments about the dudes I like, and being an absolute shithead!”

As you yelled at him, his face softened a bit. He let you rant at him before speaking up. “I’m impressed you’re willing to speak to me like this. You have more to you than I thought.”

Ouch, there he goes again. “What the fuck! I just told you about your shitty comments—“

“It was a compliment.” He interjected. “Personally, I love it when people don’t hold back.”

You didn’t know what to say. It’s like he was missing the entire point. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” You started to walk toward the bar, ready to drink some more.

“No, you should say more. Tell each person that’s hurt you to shut the fuck up. Like you did me.” He was grinning again and you stopped walking, looking toward the ground. “I’m being serious. I seriously don’t intend or have intended to hurt you, I just think you need to speak your mind more, raw emotion and boldness looks good on you.”

Spinning around to face him again, you could feel your throat tightening. He looked… genuine. “Were you trying to piss me off on purpose?”

Sukuna shook his head, pushing out his lower lip. “I’ve been told I push buttons, past and present. I must admit,” he laughed, “I love to tease.”

“So you were trying to piss me off?”

He laughed a bit harder. “No, no, I’ve been holding back. It’s not fun to kick someone when they’re down. I think I’m starting to find you more interesting, so I especially wouldn’t do that.”

He finds you interesting? What the hell does that mean? “So you thought I was boring, me?”

He cocked his head. “You and the brat are stupid so you’re entertaining, but watching you these past two days have made me realize something.”

You narrowed you eyes.

“You have a fire, it just needs a little push. Luckily, I’m quite the teacher.” One of his hands went to his chest as though he was crossing his heart. “Keep stoking that fire, brat, it’s quite entertaining.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you just went back inside. Everyone was confused but you decided to ignore it and drink up a little more. If one good thing came out of tonight, that was you forgetting all about the previous nights. Now, you can’t get Sukuna’s words out of your head. Hell, it’s the only thing you thought about, so you went and forgot to do your homework. And also forgot to eat dinner.

It was 1am when you all decided to leave and you were passed the fuck out so Yuji had to carry you and strap you into the passengers seat. Really, he shouldn’t be driving either, but he’s not stupid enough to give Sukuna the wheel even though he offered with a shit-eating grin on his face. Yeah, less worried about his driving skills and more due to the fact that it’d look like a ghost driving the two of you. Yuji went inside with you and tried to wake you up to shower and change, but you opted to remain sleeping. After your argument (one-sided), Sukuna couldn’t help but feel bad. He’s not one to be exceptionally emotional, but he’s been seriously trying to give you advice, he isn’t used to being around normal people, he used to those who grin and bear it for the sake of strength and power, not people who actually feel their emotions. He’s not one to have a soft spot, but something about you evokes emotions he once tried to fully repress for the sake of survival. He doesn’t get it. At all.

You don’t get it either.

Why exactly that night, for the first time since it had happened, why you didn’t have nightmares. And why, instead of dreaming about the two men on instagram, you dreamt of Sukuna lapping at your clit. And also why did you like it so much?

#jjk #jjk x reader #sukuna x reader fluff #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader smut #sukuna #itafushi #jjk yuji #jjk x you

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changbinisms · 8 months

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Two Sides of the Same Coin - Choi Jongho x reader

Summary: Jongho had always been an enigma, holding most people at an arm's length, and you even further. What if there's a reason behind that?

wc: 1,797

non-idol au / office worker au

contains: minor angst?, jealousy, confusion over feelings, y/n is in denial, probably out of character Jongho, implications of alcohol, not proof read

[a/n: it's been a long, long time since I've posted a fic, and even longer since I wrote one, so I'm a little rusty. I'm not 100% happy with it but if I went back and reread it I'd probably talk myself out of it, so hopefully someone enjoys this.]

Few people had the pleasure of being in the company of Choi Jongho, and even fewer had the pleasure of having him enjoy the company too.

He always held the same stony-faced expression on his face, unless of course, he was in the company of his friend group. Then he could always be seen with a smile on his face, laughter leaving his plump lips, and his round eyes crinkled in delight.

That’s not to say that he was stuck up or rude, he just felt most comfortable around his friends, rather than the people that he only really saw in passing.

Unfortunately, you seemed to be stuck in some limbo in between. Not a stranger yet not quite a friend. You got on well with the rest of the group, some could say that you were friends. However, Jongho always seemed to hold you at an arm’s length. Which was a shame really since you had been quite enamoured with the man since you had started working at Aurora & Co. Media.

When it came to interacting with you, he always seemed to go quieter and developed a habit of mumbling. Some could say he had a crush on you but who could be sure? You hadn’t had enough interactions with him to know what he was like around people that he’d taken a fancy to, hell, you didn’t even know if he was interested in people at all.

~~~~

The day seemed to drag in, almost as if it knew that you longed for the comfort of your cosy little flat, and the series that you had halfway binged into the early hours of the morning.

Staring at the clock in hopes of it making time pass faster clearly wasn’t cutting it anymore. Your day was almost done, and you’d ran out of work to do to fill in the gap between the start of your shift and the end of your shift.

Almost like a knight in shining armour, your view of the clock is obscured by Hongjoong’s lithe frame.

“Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I can count on you to turn up to the Halloween party, right?” his eyes almost pleading with you “half of the guys can’t give a straight answer on if they’re going, Hwa said he’s not going after the chaos at the last work party, and San and Wooyoung are going to be insufferable on their own,”

“Joong,” you chuckled at his distress, “you know I would never let you suffer through those two on your own,”

He physically relaxed at your answer, before a cheeky smile crept its way onto his face; “good - because Jongho is actually going to this one,”

And there it was… the “some” that could say he had a crush on you. Maybe Hongjoong had more of an insight into Jongho’s thoughts and feelings since he was in his inner circle, but you couldn’t quite work out what he stood to gain from telling you about a crush that may or may not even exist.

You let out a sigh.

“Hongjo-“

“don’t even try to hide that you’re happy about that, y/n” he cut you off, “we can all see the hearteyes you send him,”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, you fiend,” you hiss back, taking another peek at the clock, “oh would you look at that! My shift’s over! Bye!”

You quickly grab your phone, bag, and cardigan, and head to the cloakroom to collect your jacket and escape this conversation.

Unfortunately Hongjoong follows you, seemingly undeterred by your efforts to elude him.

~~~~

Despite your insistence that you were indifferent to the news that Jongho would be there, you found yourself panic-shopping online to find something that would somehow be both attractive and comfortable – there’s no way you can wear the pink, fluffy bunny costume you wore the year before, which was the product of an ill timed, dumb bet that you lost.

If anyone were to asl, you’d just tell them you were trying to rebuild your costume reputation. No one would know that it was actually an attempt to look good in front of Jongho.

Not that you wanted to look good in front of Jongho of course…

~~~~

Before you knew it, the end of October was upon you and you found yourself in the back seat of a taxi, wedged in between a (slightly) giddy San, and a (most definitely) tipsy Wooyoung on your way to the venue that your team leads at Aurora & Co. had booked for the party.

You prayed to whatever deity was out there to speed up the journey as there was only so much elbowing you could take from them (“oh come on! You totally imagine what it’s like to kiss him” “We finally won’t have to witness you both pining over each other anymore”) while Hongjoong sat in the front trying to contain his giggles.

Promise be damned, you were abandoning him at the first chance you get.

~~~~

Finally arriving at the venue, practically shoving San out the way to get out the taxi, you make your way into the venue, taking in the sight before you.

Twinkle lights adorned the high ceilings and gave the room a subtle ambience. True to typical fashion, your eyes immediately find Jongho, who had come dressed as a vampire complete with shirt, waistcoat, suit trousers and a typical gothic cape, with what you would assume to be droplets of fake blood trailing down his chin and almost trailing onto his neck.

Almost has if he could sense that you had arrived, he was already looking at you or, most likely, in your general direction (you did arrive with three out of seven of his friends), his conversation with Yeosang, the (at first) quiet man with a cheeky streak, seemingly forgotten.

The intensity of his stare proved too much for you, quickly averting your eyes with a light blush making its way across your cheeks.

Thankfully, you’re saved by your absolute favourite people to work with: Jeon Soyeon and, her equally devilish partner in crime, Kim Seungmin. Most people would assume that their personalites would clash, what with Soyeon having little time for shit-stirrers and Seungmin being the biggest shit-stirrer in the office, but it came as a surprise when they met and struck up what is possibly the funniest friend duo.

“Well look who decided to show up actually looking decent this Halloween!” Seungmin laughed, smile stretching across his face exposing his pearly whites. Beside him, Soyeon tittered and affectionately rolled her eyes. You wonder just how many times she had heard him say similar things before you arrived.

“Minnie, you know fine well that I rocked that bunny suit,” you fired back “much better than whatever the hell you’re wearing right now”.

~~~~

True to office fashion, the party only took off from there. You had long since lost track of Hongjoong, San and Wooyoung, and more importantly, Jongho. You didn’t need the ribbing that you would get from your friends for so much as glancing anywhere he was stood.

Coming out from the restroom, the drinks that you’d had finally taking a toll on your bladder and took advantage of the large mirrors to touch up your appearance, you turn down the hall to head back to the main room and bump into someone. A someone sporting suit trousers, waistcoat and typically gothic cape…

“Jongho… hey!” you awkwardly state, “glad to see you came, I thought it was just rumours that you were coming,”

He seemed to not know what to reply with as he looked at you, mouth slightly agape. You suppose that’s on brand for him, at least he’s looking you in the eye.

“uhhh… anyway,” you sidestep around him, the awkwardness starting to seep into your bones “I was just on my way back, I’ll see you in there, I guess,”

You go to continue your walk back to the festivities when a hand around your forearm stops you in your tracks.

“wait,” he breathes out before continue, “I wanted to talk to you,”

“sure… what do you want to talk to me about?”

“I-“ he started.

You waited for him to continue but the silence only extended into even more awkward territory, the minutes stretching on and on. Feeling the need to get out of the situation before you started spewing absolute nonsense in an attempt to fill the gap.

You step away from him with a quiet “Soyeon and Seungmin must be wondering where I am, I’ll catch you la-“

Your words are interrupted with a short “what do I need to do to get your attention?” You’re stunned into silence, which Jongho takes advantage of by continuing, “Why does everyone in the office get your attention easily, but you can’t give me a sideways glance? What do I have to do? What do I have to do to get you to like me?”

His short monologue must have caused your brain to short circuit, the words with a hint of jealousy must have flipped some switch in your brain, as you responded with an “is that what you think? You think I don’t like you? If anything, I thought you didn’t like me, you very rarely actually look at me never mind talk to me,”

Jongho seemed perplexed at your words before letting out a “because I can’t. I can’t look at you without getting my words and thoughts all mixed up. I thought if I had a drink or two, I might have been able to work up the courage to talk to you and I messed that up,”

You didn’t know what to say, would anyone know what to say in this situation if they were put on the stop this way? You couldn’t organise your thoughts, your brain processing both nothing and everything at the same time.

So, you did the only thing you could make out in the chaos of your brain. You stepped closer to him and placed your hands lightly on his shoulders and closed the gap.

Your lips pressing to his, relishing in his soft ones. He didn’t respond, his posture stiff causing you to regret your actions. Maybe you misinterpreted what he said, maybe he was wanting closure and nothing else.

Your thoughts finally got the better of you and you start to pulling away, ready to gush excuses and find the nearest exit so you could make your escape and think out how you’re going to get out of this one on Monday, when his body starts to catch up with his brain, and he does something you didn’t think he would.

He kisses you back.

~*~*~*~

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #choi jongho x reader #jongho x reader #ateez imagine #changbinisms writes

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evangelinesbible · 2 years

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MY INDUSTRIA PC

Cleo De Nile header and ending cuz I AM THAT BITC-

SUN - Scorpio 11H

Being in an industry that involves social groups, and working with others and having a team. Being popular in the industry I work in. Doing humanitarian work or using my job to help humanitarian causes. Being a good researcher, investor and working to gain respect socially in the industry I work in.

JUPITER - Libra 10H

Abundance success and luck in the industry I work in. Gaining many opportunities pertaining to my careers. Maintaining balance, making good connections and business partnerships, keeping a pretty/aesthetic and balanced workspace, naturally having luck and abundance in my career(s)

MARS - Libra 11H

Channeling my ambitions by setting up creative group projects, and keeping my work life balanced. Keeping a harmonious environment and public persona. Being a peaceful and well balanced mediator in any tense business drama/situations. Succeeding in a business that involves social groups and networking

MC - Virgo 11°

Staying practical and having a consistent and stable routine and being a bit of a perfectionist , planning a career path is how I’ll find success. Fame can come by utilizing this with the internet/ social media. A business involving practically, health, planning, or goals can be beneficial.

6H - Taurus

Being practical and hardworking. Staying grounded and focusing on a steady growth in my career endeavors.

11H - Libra

Gaining money through fashion, beauty, art, socializing, and business partnerships

2H - Capricorn

Making use of my money by owning a business or creating a business deal and being cautious with money habits/ over indulgence

ASC - Scorpio 29°

Being seen as alluring and mysterious in my career field gaining me long time popularity and intrigue from my peers and the public. In my business/my career I’m known to be illusive, an enigma, and maybe even suspicious to others.

5H - Aries

Competitive, passionate and talents in being a leader, trend setter, and working toward great achievements

MOON - Taurus 6H

Emotionally attached to my work and what I put out. Extremely loyal and persistent in my work.

VENUS - Libra 0° 10H

Staying peaceful, poised, and balanced will help my creativity. A high chance for a career with the arts being very well liked and gaining popularity because of my creative projects/physical beauty in my career.

SATURN - Cancer 8H

Either learning discipline and how to work hard or working hard too much. Learning how to not lose myself in my work. Learning to rely on my spiritual side with my career. Using my career to look after others and build a mature nurturing environment. In the long run I’ll probably have success in investing later on in my career

NN - Taurus 2° 5H

Destined for major success by using the arts and being artistically creative in my career. Destined for the spotlight because of my creativeness and being center stage in the industry I’m in. Destined for material comfort and gains in my industry.

OTHER THINGS:

VARUNA CONJ. VERTEX 8H

Fated for global attention in my careers, and being vastly well known in the industry. I might be seen as taboo, emotional or mysterious

FAMA 5° CONJ. JUPITER LIBRA 10H

My future career endeavors will make me famous/ well known. And I have a theory that the 5th degree might mean that i could reach a famous achievement at a relatively young age.

1998 CE119 CONJ. JUPITER LIBRA 10H

Gaining huge attainment and status in my career endeavors most likely for my case with music and art again. Huge attainment is viewed by the media/large audience and gives me some sort of abundance career and money wise.

TALENT 17° PISCES 4H

For my case being musical and spiritual is apart of my career and will get me potential fame. And having a creative family or people I consider family have these same talents and might help me with my career.

ARACHNE 1° CONJ. ASC 1H

My talents are seen very clearly by others in my industry field and people might see that I’m really good at what I do. I’m very successful at giving that impression and potentially seen as a leader/example in my respective field of work.

MARS CONJ. ENTERPRISE LIBRA 11H

Changing and innovating myself through my career and I’m best suited to have a career that drives my creativity and passions allowing me to break glass ceilings/be unique.

APOLLO CONJ. MC VIRGO 10H

My natural gifts of perfectionism and having a keen eye for detail comes in handy with my career. Being technical and planning ahead will always make me stand out. I’ll shine through my work and my career will be long lasting. I might be known in my career to be someone who was a master of a lot of talents.

There are OBVIOUSLY other interpretations and indications in this chart but I put down what I related too and what makes the most since for me. I do that when I interpret all my charts. But anyways that my chart and I think it’s pretty cool and nice and all that jazz. Trying not build an ego but damn astrology makes it hard 💅🏽✨ hope y’all have a lovely day/night or whatever. 💋

- ⚜️💫⚜️

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swiftiethatyouhate · 5 days

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if i were to tell you the truth, i’m hopelessly obsessed with you, and i cant even help it, it’s only you that i’ll ever see myself with

i have this habit where i fall for confusing people, enigmas who want to break me

shattered like my heart, i’m breaking

but only for you dear

and i’ll act like i’m completely selfless

but i’m focused on you, and me, i’m helpless

in my rear view i see her

your friend who thinks i’m unworthy

incapable of anything worth being

i still tell you that

i’d never lie to you

and that’s the truth

so if i were to tell you the truth, i hate your friends

they called me names then acted tame and left all these loose ends

i’m trying to guide you through these bends

and to tell you the truth, one day i hope it ends

because i’m likely better off without you

a puzzle of everything blue

a wall i can’t break through

this wall i like to call you

everything they said was true

so i’ll confess and i’ll hide but you’ll beg me back

and you did, so i hid, i planned to leave no slack

and i finally got over it, or so i thought, because the second i was let out, you were just

gone.

#poetry #poems

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blackswaneuroparedux · 1 year

Photo

There are things known and there are things unknown and in between are the doors.

- Jim Morrison, Letters from Joe

Jim Morrison was an enigma and to this day is considered one of the most influential figures in rock and roll history. Morrison’s music - like him - was revolutionary and influenced some of the greatest musicians, artists, and poets of the 20th and 21st Centuries. A rebel and a nonconformist who took the world by storm, Morrison was mysterious but had no qualms about letting out his glorious wild side for all to see, and he believed that in order to create, one must first destroy, a motto that led him to his premature demise.

Many viewed Morrison as a reckless force of nature and a bad influence (we’re talking parents and concerned grandparents). He actually had an IQ of 149 and developed a profound interest in poetry, devouring the romantic works of William Blake and the contemporary Beat verse of Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac while composing his own poems.

Jim Morrison became a legend despite having died at the age of 27, a striking and unique figure who remained in the annals of rock forever. Morrison thus became part of that fateful 27-year-old club that includes his peers Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. And to which Amy Winehouse or Kurt Cobain would later join in the later decades. Jim Morrison’s death shook the world on 3 July 1971.

There are two different stories behind Jim Morrison’s cause of death. Both of them are tragic. The most commonly told tale involves Jim Morrison going to the cinema in Paris and returning to his apartment to listen to music after dinner and being found dead in a bathtub. He is said to have died of a heart attack. Chosen to be laid to rest quietly, no proper investigation was performed to find the main cause of Jim Morrison’s death.

Another more harrowing story has received more traction in recent times. It highlights a darker picture of his life, one in which he had died of an overdose and was hauled back to his apartment by drug dealers. Jim Morrison’s final hours are a mystery because France did not require postmortem examination at that time. His girlfriend, Pamela Courson told the police that she had found him dead in the bathtub at about 6 am. She also battled drug addiction and died of a drug overdose three years later.

To many, his death seemed like the result of a downward spiral. Fans knew that Jim Morrison struggled with addiction and fame. After the trial, he was found guilty of profanity and denied the charges. Stardom had taken a toll on Jim Morrison and he tried to find peace in Paris. During his time in the city, he wrote every single day. People thought that he was finally healthy and happy. Some of his last pictures capture a young, fit man. The news of his death shocked everyone even though it was not as surprising. Jim Morrison and Pamela Courson have been accounted for indulging in old habits. They used to frequent Parisian nightclubs, the last thing he did before his death.

Living in Paris one of the first things one does is to make the obligatory visit to Père Lachaise Cemetery where Morrison is buried alongside other iconic artists such as Oscar Wilde, Edith Piaf, Marcel Proust, Frederic Chopin, Isadora Duncan, Sarah Bernhardt, Maria Callas, Rossini etc. He’s not of my generation obviously but there is no question that the music of my parents generation was way cooler than anything today. That’s just my opinion. Listening to The Doors seemed like the perfect sound track to a misspent youth in boarding school.

A musician and a group considered among the most influential and innovative in rock history can never cease to be topical. Jim Morrison with his voice and antics brought drama to rock and roll. If Elvis Presley embodied the rock of a shameless performance if the Beatles and the Beach Boys gave the genre an almost symphonic dimension, and if Bob Dylan transferred more literary content to electric format then Jim Morrison of the Doors took the drama.

The first great attribute of the Doors frontman Jim Morrison was his voice and the charisma of his presence. The man that started shy on stage, with his back to the audience, would become an omnipotent monster, breaking down the limits of performance, even if doped by the effects of acids. With him, rock has never been so dangerous and rebellious, without ever losing the jazz of his voice.

Critics then and today have said that Morrison wasn’t a great singer because he had limited range. It’s true he had a limited range as I don’t think he ever wandered out of his range, which was on the low side. I think Jim Morrison was very shy about singing and didn’t quite know what to do at first … he was a lover of words in the first place, and managed to hear melodies that would be a good vehicle for the words but he sang very carefully at first, careful to enunciate clearly and make his voice heard. I think for him it was more important that the words were heard by the audience than that his voice should sounds cool. Later he started coming on stronger, risking some screams and weird voices, but I think he was more comfortable reciting words rather than singing them.

To me it’s irrelevant if he was technically a good or a bad singer. Morrison had a powerful dramatic voice that connected and a great rock and roll scream. Is there anything more important than those things in rock music?

As I listen more albums by The Doors I am taken in by the hypnotic quality of his speaking voice, which is partially just genetic and partially learned through his involvement in the theatrical arts makes even the most silliest of lyrics sound profound and powerful. Of course he wasn’t an opera singer, or even your typical pop singer - he had wavering tone sometimes, and, especially as his voice deteriorated from substance abuse and other life-style related choices, his range drastically shrunk.

To me Morrison didn’t need to have a pretty voice with the type of stuff he was singing, and his unique style made Robbie Krieger’s conventional pop or folk-rock songs sound deeper, more profound. He was a brilliant all around front-man. He may have frustrated some of his bandmates with his behaviour, and I don’t blame them but we would not be talking about The Doors today if it weren’t for Jim Morrison and his voice. I think as a vocalist he was true to his own natural voice and didn’t try to develop it as an “instrument��. I think it’s the conviction and truth in his voice that makes him easy to listen to.

#morrison #jim morrison #quote #music #rock and roll #70s icon #pop icon #singer #poet #culture

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nitrateglow · 1 year

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Favorite films discovered in 2022

I just noticed the immense amount of British films on the list and that’s the result of a deep dive into the British New Wave, a movement I had little experience with before. Also, the 1960s is prominent on this list in general. I didn’t realize just how many movies I watch from this decade until now.

Lawrence of Arabia (dir. David Lean, 1962)

An epic following the mysterious TE Lawrence, who served as a liasion between the Arab tribes and the British during WWI.

Until now, this film was the biggest omission in my viewing habits. I tried watching it in high school but gave up halfway through. In hindsight, that might have been for the best. At seventeen, I wasn’t mature enough to comprehend the film or knowledgeable enough about its WWI context to really get anything out of it. Now that I’ve seen it, I’m a believer-- this is a great film, perhaps the best of the cinematic epics that were so popular in the 1960s.

This is one I know I’ll be rewatching in the future. There’s just so much depth to the story and the characters. Peter O’Toole’s Lawrence is a wonderful enigma-- his performance is up there with Falconetti in The Passion of Joan of Arc. I like how the movie constantly questions the motives of its hero. We’re never force-fed the answers or told how to feel, and I absolutely relish that.

Ryan’s Daughter (dir. David Lean, 1970)

Trapped in an unfulfilling marriage, a passionate young Irish woman embarks on an affair with a traumatized English officer during WWI.

Ryan’s Daughter has a reputation as a total bomb. Every critic wailed that the film was indulgent, devoting way too much time to a slight Madame Bovary retelling. I absolutely disagree-- I thought this movie was outstanding. I was greatly moved by its beauty, by its graceful and compassionate attitude towards its flawed characters, by its cautiously hopeful finale despite all the tragedy that had gone on before. I was never bored nor did I ever feel that the film was overproduced despite the intimacy of the story.

I’m glad this one is getting re-evaluated in the years since. It deserves it.

The Black Phone (dir. Scott Derrickson, 2021)

Captured by a serial killer and locked in his basement with nothing but a disconnected phone, a young boy starts receiving otherworldly calls from the kliler’s former victims, all of whom want to help him escape their fate.

I feel like this taut little horror flick was designed to appeal to me. One-room location. A reliance on suspense and dread rather than gore and jump scares. A vulnerable but intelligent protagonist set against a ruthless villain. It’s just fantastic, a wonderful chiller of the old-school. A friend and I watched this around Halloween and we were spellbound. I wish I had seen it in a theater.

The Collector (dir. William Wyler, 1965)

After coming into a great sum of money, a bank teller kidnaps the girl of his dreams and keeps her in his basement, hoping she’ll fall in love with him.

The auteurists never gave William Wyler his due as a filmmaker. Not one to pursue the same genre, character types, and themes over and over again, all Wyler had was an eye for composition, acting, and solid storytelling-- you know, little insignificant things like that.

My sarcasm aside, The Collector is an underrated gem-- you would never guess this was directed by an old-timer at the end of his career. The most fascinating thing about it is the dynamic between the captor and his captive. The two manipulate one another constantly, keeping you guessing just how this scenario will turn out.

Darling ( dir. John Schlesinger, 1965)

An ambitious model sleeps her way to the top of the fashion world, only to encounter hollowness and ennui.

I did not expect to love the sharply satirical Darling as much as I did. Everything about the film is exceptional, but Julie Christie really shines in the lead role. Her Diana is greedy and ambitious, yet she is intelligent and sensitive enough to know how shallow her life really is despite all the money, sex, and success she encounters. She wants to be amoral, yet a repressed sense of morality and a desire for meaning haunt her incessantly. Her attempts to attain transcendence seem doomed to failure, especially since she cannot fully wean herself from the competitive, materialistic society the movie so mercilessly shreds.

Double Suicide (dir. Masahiro Shinoda, 1969)

Separated by class in feudal Japan, a paper merchant and a courtesan struggle to preserve their doomed love in spite of all odds.

This wonderful film is based on an eighteenth century puppet play. While the production uses live actors, director Masahiro Shinoda utilizes a metafictional conceit that both pays homage to the story’s theatrical origins and suggests the doomed lovers are being controlled by a fate they cannot escape-- he has black-clad stagehands “pose” the characters, put out props, and change scenery between scenes. It sounds gimmicky and pretentious, but it works beautifully, resulting in a chilling love tragedy.

Casanova (dir. Alexandre Volkoff, 1927)

The philandering Casanova gets into several scrapes across 1760s Europe, wooing beautiful women and infuriating the authorities at every turn.

Ivan Mosjoukine is one of the silent era’s most downright fascinating figures. A refugee of the Russian Revolution, he became a superstar of French cinema, appearing in a variety of projects and sometimes even directing and writing (check out the quirky as hell The Burning Crucible if you want to see just how out there his work can get). I’ve heard him described as a cross between John Barrymore, Buster Keaton, and Lon Chaney. but none of that does his unique presence much justice.

In Casanova, he plays an amorous yet mischievous and sensitive character who hops from one misadventure to the next. The movie is sumptuous, a gorgeous evocation of the 18th century. It’s the kind of movie that begs to be seen on a big screen, but even at home, the light as champagne bubbles story holds up well. Not groundbreaking-- but does every movie need to be? Hell no!

Lady in a Cage (dir.Walter Grauman, 1964)

A wealthy matron finds herself imprisoned in a home elevator when hoodlums break into her lavish house.

On one level, Lady in a Cage is pure sweaty camp, complete with a bosom heaving Olivia de Havilland and James Caan doing his best Brando impression. On another, it feels like a feverish nightmare in line with the social tensions of the 1960s, with an out of touch rich woman seeing herself as the last decent person on earth while frustrated criminals raid her house. The atmosphere is oppressive, even apocalyptic, and the ending is shockingly gory given the period this was made and the stars involved. It’s bizarre, its overheated, but it’s not easily forgotten.

Nightmare Alley (dir. Edmund Goulding, 1947)

Nightmare Alley might be the ultimate film noir. Its cynical to the very heart, yet undoubtedly poignant in its presentation of the tragedy of conman Stan Carlisle. I was reminded of another noir from the classic period, Ace in the Hole-- not necessarily from the subject matter, but from how uncompromisingly dark the story is. Even the studio-mandated happy ending actually isn’t that happy when you closely examine it. Beyond that, the cinematography is gorgeous, the acting immaculate, the direction strong-- what more could you want?

A Taste of Honey (dir. Tony Richardson, 1960)

After an interracial affair with a sailor leaves her pregnant, a young woman moves in with a fellow outsider.

I thoroughly enjoyed this kitchen sink drama despite its relentlessness. Some reviewers write it off as too miserable-- and it’s true that it doesn’t give the audience a rosy presentation of life. However, the film isn’t overly bleak in my opinion. It also takes the time to show how beauty can still exist amid sorrow and despair, particularly in the form of friendship.

I read that Audrey Hepburn was originally considered for the lead role, but as much as I love her, she would have been all wrong for the part. I cannot imagine anyone other than the wonderful Rita Tushingham-- she isn’t movie star gorgeous, and her gamine qualities uneasily mingle with suppressed anger and fear. When I think of this movie, I think of her big, troubled eyes, prominently displayed in so many close-ups. In her, I see the quiet unease of adolescence personified with a rare honesty.

The Lineup (dir. Don Siegel, 1958)

A trio of criminals track down heroin shipments smuggled into San Francisco by unsuspecting civilians. As the cops try to track the crooks down, the bodies pile up.

This is a fantastic film, among the last noirs of the classic era. Starring Eli Wallach as a psychopathic drug thug, it starts slow but really picks up by the fifteen minute mark. The whole thing was also shot on-location in San Francisco, giving it a sense of gritty authenticity.

The Blair Witch Project (dir. Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, 1999)

Three young filmmakers go into the woods to make a documentary about a local supernatural legend. It doesn’t go well for them.

So-called supernatural horror does not tend to scare me, though there are exceptions. I find the best supernatural horror is presented amidst the trappings of the mundane. After all, the supernatural is most disruptive when surrounded by business as usual. That’s what makes The Blair Witch Project so unnerving-- it feels like genuine found footage of normal people. While watching it, I thought it wasn’t that scary. Then I went to bed that night and found myself nervous of what might be lurking in the dark corners of my room. Considering the amount of horror I consume, that’s nothing to shrug off!

Tol’able David (dir. Henry King, 1921)

A young man must defend his family and rural community from a trio of thugs out to cause trouble.

Tol’able David is much beloved by silent film enthusiasts and for good reason! The nostalgic atmosphere immortalizes a rural America that was vanishing even by the early 1920s and the story has a mythic, long-time-ago feel that suits the heightened reality inherent to silent cinema. Richard Barthelmess also gives one of the most sensitive and powerful performances of his career. It might even be his finest moment as an actor.

Morgan! A Suitable Case for Treatment (dir. Karel Reisz, 1965)

Angst-ridden over his recent divorce, a young gorilla-fixated Marxist aims to win his ex back.

Yes, you read that summary correctly. This movie is INSANE yet strangely poignant. At its heart, this is a story about a man trying to come to terms with the dissolution of his marriage and his disenchantment with his own ideals-- this tale just happens to be wrapped up in an off-the-wall farce.

Isadora (dir. Karel Reisz, 1968)

Aged dancer Isadora Duncan looks back on her revolutionary career and torrid love life.

This biopic of dancer Isadora Duncan is so odd that I wasn’t sure how to take it at first. It’s told in a loose, nonlinear style, with a Proustian sensibility regarding its use of flashbacks. I tend to dislike biopics so color me surprised when I ultimately ended up enjoying this one. Duncan is not presented as a saintly figure nor as the opposite, but as a woman whose free spirit and unwillingness to compromise make her both admirable and infuriating. The script and Vanessa Redgrave’s wonderful performance perfectly bring Duncan to life, resulting in a haunting work about art as an all-consuming vocation.

The Fan (dir. Otto Preminger, 1949)

A society woman suspects her husband of having an affair, a misconception that threatens disaster for everyone involved.

The Fan is a forgotten entry in Preminger’s filmography, which is a shame because it’s a fantastic piece of work. I was first turned onto it by critic Imogen Smith, who praised it as an unsung classic and as that rare film that surpasses its source material. Considering this is adapted from an Oscar Wilde play, that’s a bold claim!

The film is an elegant comedy of manners, suffused with a strong sense of melancholy. Preminger added a prologue set in a broken-down postwar London, with Miss Erlynn trying to retrieve the infamous fan from an auction. Far from pointless fluff, this element lends a sense of poignancy to the scenes set in Victorian London. As Smith says in her review, “The frame gives the costume-drama portion a wistful edge; instead of the usual Hollywood gloss, here the past gleams through nostalgia like a flower buried in a paperweight.”

The Quiet Family (dir. Jee-woon Kim, 1998)

A family opens a bed-and-breakfast in the mountains, only for every one of their guests to die horribly during their stays. Concerned about how this will affect business, they hide the corpses... but the corpses just keep piling up.

This movie was later remade in Japan as The Happiness of the Katakuris and until I came across The Quiet Family on Freevee, I was not aware there even was an earlier version. Katakuris is basically a live-action cartoon musical, making The Quiet Family seem more sedate by comparison, but don’t be fooled. This is still a bizarre dark comedy and in some ways, I actually prefer it to the later version. It’s very reminiscent of Hitchcock’s The Trouble with Harry, only with a far higher body count.

The Northman (dir. Robert Eggers, 2022)

A Viking prince seeks to avenge his father’s murder. Yeah, it’s basically Viking Hamlet.

After Hayao Miyazaki, Robert Eggers is easily my favorite living filmmaker. His films truly transport the audience to other times and cultures, embracing how alien such an experience would be. The Northman feels like an old legend brought to life, incorporating supernatural elements in a mysterious way, never overexplaining them, just as you would expect in an old story. The film’s universe is brutal yet beautiful, never relenting. I saw this one opening weekend in the theater and let me tell you, you could have heard a pin drop by the time it got to the finale. Easily the most intense experience I’ve had at the movies in a long time.

Night Must Fall (dir. Karel Reisz, 1964)

A psychotic killer works as a handyman for an elderly landlady and her estranged daughter, and ends up manipulating the affections of both.

I don’t care what the critics say-- I love this bonkers movie. It’s an uneasy combination of quaint, drawing room thriller and trendy, sociopolitical new wave character study, and not everything about it works, but it hasn’t left my mind since I first saw it. It’s what I think remakes should actually try to be-- not an exercise in “member berries” or a shallow modern day dress-up of old material, but a bold re-imagining.

Onibaba (dir. Kaneto Shindo, 1964)

Two peasant women who loot the corpses of samurai to get by are torn apart by an amorous man and a supernatural mask.

What a creepy film! It’s one that really puts the rug out from under the viewer: at first, it seems like a typical period drama, but the supernatural subtly invades the story, leading to a truly chilling conclusion. But this isn’t a story where shocks and blood make up the horror-- it all comes from the messed up dynamic between the characters.

What were your favorite film discoveries in 2022?

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soft1scream · 18 days

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this moment made me write for something real, that i thought to myself— this moment didn't turn the pages over— it started the book.

i like to think that there's no hell for those who never believed in heaven— i guess there is really something in those formative years. however, here i am fondling all the fury behind my poetic persona just because i ended up in a state of disbelief as i can no longer sneak yellow in a black canvas.. and so i'm writing because finishing the drawing is the only option.

.. and i'm writing because i'm a stutter.

where i am isn't something i dreamed of, as a spiritual cruiser, perhaps an easy rider. i want to do well with education, thus i’m graduating soon, yet, the thought of steering my own path from here on out is something only i see difficult accepting. i haven't emblazoned my strongest version yet. when standing, i'm a quarterback, when lying, i'm dreaming in paperback. still, i'm crossing the threshold, unsure of life over there, hoping— that day, i will have a home for all of my habitats and be able to choose horror rather than my usual habits.

my younger self has always dreamt of going to a different city, away from this tropical— non smoking country, live life and not just watch myself survive and have fun and be young forever and be forever beautiful and be the once in my family's lifetime. i dream of something bigger than who i am, i dream in 15 stories high, or just to see skyline underwater. yes, i will keep scintillating in incandescent scenes just like how lyrical obscurity will forever just be enigma to machines. will i blossom like a rose in a garden full of weeds or could the smog end me like the ashes that have watched over my deeds?

i am still forced to be the skeleton that helps them sleep better at night, that's why i search for pedestals of human to avoid the view from their height. however, im okay for everything that was done to me that we're part of the reason i am who i am today, either by shattering me then turning me more refined or by abandoning me.. but i'm really grateful for those people i met while trying to find the person i call 'myself' that didn't alter or hinder the reflection that followed me every step of the way. this year was built to be a castle in the air, to make me realize, i'm not the only person in this world, that the world doesn't revolve around my desires. that i dream for something bigger than who i am. i would love to see the world as marianne as the people around me.

i contemplated a lot during the times i was able to do so, realizing.. i have said "realizing" too many times now for my liking. i'm not used to realizing, most of the time i just don't wanna know.. anyways.. i realized that people just don't believe any of my kindness. that because i'm usually strong, people don't believe me if i get weak. not even my family or friends. even the poems i write won't get used to the fact that i am not what i used to be. and i don't want to be misunderstood for feeling what i want to feel or for feeling what i don't want to feel.

i believe that i am more than what i show— what i reveal. deeper than what i say or how i act or how i put emotions to every words. it's my nature to pretend like im strong, it acts as an alibi to hide the fact that i'm weak and vulnerable and sensitive and careful and sad and tragic and beautiful but no hope... and it's hard being a weak skeleton in a thick skin, always feeling unloved and wronged. which in the end, my fault. for showing everybody how a person with applaudable background with no applauses behaves. but it can never be my fault that in this house, i cannot feel happiness. can't feel sadness, anger, pity or hunger. and once i feel stressed, i will be justified. i may seem normal, but my life is difficult. i live in a terrible house, never experiencing home. i guess i'm nasty and evil, but if you've seen what i can still remember, you'll understand me. it's very unfortunate that the person who has the most potential to love was given a family who never believed in that stuff.

sometimes, when i think about it and writing about it, i let my teardrops wet the paper because it's somehow giving me the satisfaction of having to get to feel any emotion— as if i'm watering the rose from my very own grave— but then again, water takes away the letters from the paper— leaving me with indelible mistakes that makes me want to just pantomime my feelings. when i'm lonely— i feel alone— i lie in my bed, but it doesn't help as the bed's too wide for me, or that one bottle of pepsi is too much to drink. god, i wish i have always preferred thunder from the rain.

i want to talk about how i love a man— which i never ever opened my mouth for. most of the time, i'm just in love with the idea that we're completely different from each other, which is the standard for most movies but never in a reality tv show. if i need some man to tell me i look pretty, my body is tiny, i'm his wallpaper or that he draw my face upside down black and white— sure i can easily get these words from men, but if i tell you, i want someone to give me 15 anniversaries, quiet when there's something wrong, and laughs when i'm overreacting and won't tell me that it's enough!.

i'm really grateful for my friends who cured all the headaches i gave them. there's no greater feeling than being burnt out after spending the day with them. when i'm tired but i look back on times i was happy. the source of me laying down is also the source of what keeps me getting up. for them. for fun.

tw: pissed

if i won't be a superstar, i will be a writer or close to a storyteller, but it's difficult when people will constantly overlook me, waste my potential that's deep within me like i wasn't built to show them, they put my talent on somewhere it don't fit, and they take away the light in me when i know im so much better than all of them. i'm fuming to witness my talents misplaced, relegated to places where they fail to shine, and to endure the dimming of my light at the hands of individuals who fail to see my worth. do you know how patronizing it is for me to witness them show up in a funny smirk while i'm trying to find a place i belong.. to be beneath the skin of a writer, an actual escaper, a city light underwater.. do you know how patronizing it is to assume that i would somehow prefer tasks of lesser difficulty simply because you doubt my ability to handle more challenging ones. your assumption not only diminishes my potential but also undermines my confidence.. who the fuck do you think you are?.. to confine me within the boundaries of your narrow perception. do you know how discouraged i was when i showed there not to do anything good in their eyes then not be involved but then get credited after all? it's nice, thanks for the recognition, but it pains to realize that my efforts are overlooked until it's convenient to acknowledge them. do you know how discouraged i am these past few days, and when i'm discouraged, i bet i will think i'm quitting and i bet i'd feel like a loser. do you know how it pains me when writing turned out to be the only thing i'm good at and then feeling that i failed at the one thing i've ever tried.. just because there's someone who thinks they're a so much better writer than me. and i know, i have to bleed ink onto every page to prove that. do you know how embarrassing it is to claim to be a writer then read rather than write, or listen because i have weak attention span. my imagination doesn't run wild but if there's one thing about me, i know how to write. i think about all the failed attempts of my writing journals for a platform that follows a format. it's not my fault i am built not to fit in. they're not gonna judge me for the way i write or me as a writer. they can try but they won't make my words or letters so much better

i'm a metaphor for those who once felt overlooked, misunderstood, and unlovable. i still have something to say, even now that i already wrote an eight pager. i'm a straightforward mouth with a pretty face. i'm a coffee for those who never drank coffee. strong at first, but will tell you to wake the fuck up. i believe that everyone should have a "france" in their life— this is reality, live in it. i always carry the burden of going home, and it's hard to carry the burden of staying the same. when i'm not hungry anymore, i'm leaving this country. if i ever feel like writing again, trust me you will know— cause i'll be posting about it. 💋

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authordenisefyffe · 8 months

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Knowledge is Empowerment: Unmasking the Enigma of Uterine Fibroids

Knowledge is Empowerment: Unmasking the Enigma of Uterine Fibroids by Denise N. Fyffe Lately, my mornings have become uncomfortable. I wake up with a bloated tummy, a result of the prominent fibroids in my uterus. Frequently, I experience gas, leaving me to ponder whether my bowels are disrupted during my sleep. Sleeping on my tummy is a habit I can’t easily change. Sleeping on my side is only…

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#Fibroids #Health #Health in jamaica #jamaican articles #medicine in jamaica #spirituality and pratice #surgery in jamaica #Women&039;s Issues

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lucasfights · 11 months

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Enigma

How many people successfully change their trajectory? How many people wake up one day, see the path they're being led down, and shift? Honestly, I don't have an exact number, but my guess, is not many; Why do we, as humans, subject ourselves to these narrow paths society tries to guide us down? Society, in desperate need of control, and us, scared to stand out, be different, and forge our own paths.

Charles Oliveira is now one of the greatest fighters of all-time, but it didn't start that way.

It started in 1989, when Charles was a small baby, born to illiterate parents. His family lived in poverty, and at the age of 7 Charles was diagnosed with a rheumatic fever, and heart murmurs. The story goes that he couldn't be released from the hospital for months, and his mom would leave the hospital only for work, going to sleep, and waking up at his bedside.

When Charles was 12, and after a slow recovery, a neighbor took him to a Jiu-Jitsu class and Charles fell in love. Charles is grateful to this man to this day, but unfortunately he wasn't able to see Charles in his final form. Only two years after starting Charles on his life quest, he was killed in the crossfire of a shootout between a gang, and the police.

Charles grieved, but continued, making his way to the premier fight promotion in the world, the UFC. Aged only 21, Charles was a fiery prospect, and UFC diehards were keen to see what this young Brazilian could accomplish.

Charles' fight results were as follows : W W L D L W W L L W W W L W L L W L

It's now 2018, Charles is in his late 20s, he's fought in two divisions, and every fight the UFC has scheduled to put him over, he's lost. Charles Oliveira was looking at a career as a gatekeeper, at best. Then something magical happened. Charles went on an 8 fight win-streak, catapulting himself into the Lightweight Division's upper echelon, and just 3 years later he was fighting for a title.

How does a guy with 18 fights, and a near 60% win rate, turn his life around, and become a dominant lightweight? And how does a guy destined for mediocrity find a way to reach the top? He reshapes his identity.

Your destiny is determined by your subconscious. Our innermost thoughts permeate our lives whether we want them to, or not. For you to change the trajectory of your life you must reallign how you view yourself, and through that, the world. Charles stopped seeing himself as just another fighter, someone not worthy of the crown. He changed his habits, his thought patterns, and most importantly his team saw the champion in him before he did. The encouragement, and the motivation he got from his coaches and teammates, was priceless to his journey. As he compiled hours in the gym, and wins inside the octagon, he started to believe in himself, and that became the difference.

It's now May 15th 2021, Charles Oliveira gets knocked down in the first round, survives the onslaught, comes back in the second, and knocks out Michael Chandler, to become the Undisputed Lightweight Champion of the world, and the rest my friends, is history.

#ufc #ufc288 #oliveira #charles oliveira #do bronx #ufc champion #fighting #fight stories

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hawks-supremacy · 3 years

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Golden Swirls

summary: when Sakusa's sister told him how people found their soulmates, he was disgusted. or at least until he found his.

pairing: sakusa x reader

genre: fluff and angst

word count: 3.2k

a/n: i finished this a week ago but didn't like it so i completely redid it. i also tried to write in 3rd pov which i don't think i'll do again, i'll probably just stick to 2nd pov but i wanted to try something new! anyway i hope you enjoy!

Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t consider himself a germaphobe. Even though his cousin, Komori Motoya, liked to say he was, he still wouldn’t consider himself one. Although he said it in a joking manner it still made him think, do other people see him like that? He didn’t mind sitting or laying on the floor to do his stretches before practice, and dirt outside didn’t bother him much either. It was just other people and their germs that he didn’t care for. He doesn’t know where people have been or who could potentially be in the beginning stages of a cold and not know it. He was cautious around people, and bigger crowds made him nervous.

So when Sakusa learned about soulmates and how people found theirs at the age of 8 he was a little grossed out. What he remembers from the story his older sister told him was that everyone in the world has a soulmate, and the way you find yours was that when you made contact with your soulmate, the area you touched each other would light up in a sort of golden color. She told stories about how people would go around and try to touch everyone they thought could be their soulmate.

That’s what Sakusa thought was gross, trying to touch every single person on the off chance that they're your soulmate. Maybe it’s because he was always sick as a kid and that’s why he didn’t like the idea of other people’s germs. So as he grew up and saw people leaving gentle touches on the arms of everyone they met he couldn’t help but curl his lip in disgust. It wasn’t like Sakusa never wanted to find his soulmate, but he didn’t like the idea of people invading his personal space to find out.

High School for Sakusa was difficult, even though Motoya constantly told him he was a bit brash and abrasive that didn’t stop people from wanting to see if they were his soulmate. He managed to dodge nearly everyone who tried but occasionally there’d be a few who snuck in there with disappointed stares as their touch didn’t cause the warm golden glow signalling that they were soulmates.

Now Sakusa was a professional volleyball player for the MSBY Black Jackals and dodging the fleeting touches of fans only seemed to get harder the longer he was in the spotlight. He watched from a distance as his teammates shook hands and hugged every fan that approached them, watched as the shoulders of fans slumped at the lack of gold in their touch. Watched as fans jealously stared when his captain Meian Shugo found his soulmate in the crowded court after a game.

He had just left the locker rooms and glanced in the gym to see another crowd of fans desperately trying to see if they were one of the team member’s soulmates, another crowd of fans disappointed when the outcome they were hoping for didn’t happen. “You’re not soulmate searching in the crowd of fans?” He glanced over, startled at the sudden voice next to him. He wasn’t used to the new presence quite yet.

L/n Y/n was the new manager of the Black Jackals, having started less than a month ago. They had already begun to learn everyone’s mannerisms and habits, knowing that Sakusa was one to avoid the crowds and interviews after games, opting to keep to himself. They knew that everyone else on the team had no issues meeting the fans and finding out if their soulmates were in the crowd much like Meian’s was.

Sakusa didn’t know a lot about Y/n, but they knew quite a bit about him just from observing their practices and games. Sakusa wasn’t sure if their views on soulmates matched his, if they also thought that the act of having to touch every person in hopes of finding “the one” was odd and not appealing. He wasn’t sure if they had simply just found their soulmate already and didn’t need to bother with everyone else. What he did know was that they kept their distance at practices.

Y/n always greeted everyone from a distance when they entered the gym for practices or before their games had started. When they brought their water bottles they set them on the bench rather than handing them to everyone on the team. When the team was gathering to talk about play strategies they would be sat at the bench, close enough to listen, always jotting things down on their clipboard. To Sakusa Kiyoomi, L/n Y/n was an enigma.

They were someone who kept to themselves, never getting too close to anyone else. On the occasion that they went out for dinner after games that the team had won and felt proud of, they always sat at the end of the table, never saying many words. They were quiet and soft spoken when they did speak. Giving gentle reminders or suggestions to the team. Even though they were quiet and kept to themself they still managed to become friends with almost everyone on the team.

They exchanged excited words with Bokuto as they exchanged stories from when they were in their high school years. They gave friendly but stern scoldings to Atsumu as he did something he knew he shouldn’t have, like swinging from the bars in the gym just because Hinata made a bet that he couldn’t. They gave silent smiles as they listened to Hinata enthusiastically shout sound effects as he described his favorite volleyball plays. They gave Sakusa words of encouragement while still keeping their distance because they knew that people he didn’t really know made him uncomfortable. But Sakusa didn’t know much about Y/n.

So as he looked down at them sitting on the floor across from the back entrance to the gym, waiting for him to answer their question, he wasn’t sure how to approach the conversation. “Or have you already found your soulmate?” They asked after Sakusa still hadn’t responded to their first question. “Uh no I haven’t found mine, have you?” He finally responded as he lowered himself to the ground, still a good distance away from them. They shook their head as they kept their eyes closed and their head leaning against the cold tile wall of the hallway. “Why are you sitting on the floor?” Sakusa asked after a few seconds of silence from both parties.

“I have a headache but Bokuto is my ride home, so I have to wait for him to finish greeting every fan and then he showers. So I’d say I still have a good hour to wait.” They replied, opening their eyes and tilting their head to look at Sakusa, “Why are you sitting on the floor?” He wasn’t sure how to respond, he didn’t have a reason for why he sat on the floor, he just sat there because they were also sitting on the floor.

“I can give you a ride home if you want Y/n.” He offered, changing the topic at hand. He wasn’t quite sure what compelled him to offer them a ride home, he just felt like it was right. “You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly content sitting here and waiting for Bokuto.” They said, closing their eyes again and turning their head towards the ceiling. “You have a headache Y/n, let me give you a ride home so you aren’t sitting here for an hour.” Sakusa said as he got up and looked at them expectantly. As they opened their eyes they sighed and got up, “Let me text Bokuto to let him know that I don’t need a ride and then we can leave.” They reluctantly agreed as they pulled out their phone to send Bokuto a text. He wouldn’t get it until he got to the locker room but at least then he would know. “Okay let’s go.” Y/n said as they started walking towards the exit with Sakusa still standing in the hallway, only beginning to follow them after they were halfway towards the exit.

As they drove home Sakusa learned a little bit more about Y/n. He learned that they had met Bokuto through Akaashi who was a distant cousin of theirs, so they were closer to Bokuto out of everyone on the team. He also learned that they lived in the same apartment building as Bokuto so they carpooled every morning, which is why they always showed up at the same time. He didn’t learn much about before they joined the team as the manager any time he asked they waved it off or changed the subject.

As Sakusa entered his home, a familiar ringtone started to chime from his coat pocket. Taking his phone out of his pocket he pressed the answer button seeing it was Motoya calling. “Hey Motoya, what’s up?” He held the phone between his shoulder and ear as he slipped off his shoes before correcting his grip on the small device. “Was just calling to let you know we have a game against each other coming up next month. Did you just get home from your game? I thought I heard the door close.”

“Yeah I got home late because I drove the new manager home. They were waiting for Bokuto, but they had a headache and he was going to be a while.” Sakusa explained as he walked over to his kitchen to find something to eat. “Oh you guys got a new manager? Who is it?” Motoya asked curiously. “Their name is L/n Y/n. They just started a few weeks ago, so I don’t really know much about them.” He said as he got out ingredients from the fridge and went to wash his hands.

“You mean L/n Y/n from Itachiyama?” As Motoya asked what he thought was an innocent question, Sakusa felt himself freeze, “Who was that again?” He asked hesitantly. “You don’t remember Y/n? You hated them, or at least it sure seemed like you did.I mean you were cold and distant to everyone but it seemed like it was worse with them.” As Motoya continued to explain to Sakusa who Y/n was he suddenly felt very terrible. From what he remembers Y/n wasn’t always shy and soft spoken. They used to be bubbly and friendly, always trying to include everyone, including him.

It wasn’t that he was mean to them by any means. He didn’t go out of his way to bully them, but one day he had enough of their bubbly and outgoing personality and just snapped. He wasn’t having the best day and hearing them just kind of set him off, and now he felt terrible, because Sakusa knew that sometimes all it took was one person to yell at someone who was outgoing and suddenly they weren’t as outgoing anymore as before. He doesn’t quite remember what he said but he remembers that after he yelled at Y/n, they were more quiet.

“Motoya, I didn’t even recognize them. They’re so different from when we were in high school, they’re so quiet now.” Sakusa said as he leaned on the counter with his head resting in the hand that wasn’t holding the phone. “Yeah they started being quiet after you yelled at them. Didn’t talk as much.” Motoya’s voice got softer the more he talked about it. “I don’t even remember what I said, Motoya.” Sakusa sighed. “Well first of all you told them that no one cared what they had to say, and then you said something along the lines of how you feel bad for whoever their soulmate is if they're going to be that loud all the time. It was pretty bad, Kiyoomi.” Motoya changed the subject and they talked about something else for a bit before Sakusa had to eat something and then shower if he wanted to go to bed at a decent time.

It was the next morning and Sakusa was heading over to Y/n’s house to try and apologize. He wouldn’t see them today since they usually have the day after a game off so that the team can rest. He was suddenly very nervous as he knocked on the door to their apartment. “Bokuto, you have to learn how to cook something at some point, I can’t feed you all the time!” He heard their voice get closer to the door as they walked towards it, and soon the door was pulled open, “Oh you’re not Bokuto. Sorry, he usually comes over around this time every day on our days off. Uh come in?”

As they moved out of the way and opened the door more Sakusa noticed that they wore an Itachiyama sweater and suddenly felt stupid that he didn’t realize sooner. As he stepped in and slipped off his shoes he took note that the apartment was pretty clean other than a few things here and there. “Sorry it’s a mess, I was going to clean today and then well you showed up.” Y/n said as they went through and picked up a few things, “Are you hungry? It’s about noon, have you eaten? I was in the middle of making lunch, but I made enough for like four people because I don’t understand that I can cut the recipe down.” He watched as they rambled and walked around the kitchen to finish cooking the lunch they had started before he arrived.

“Yeah I’ll eat if you don’t mind. I didn’t eat anything before I came over.” He said sitting down on one of the stools by the counter. Even as he was around them for just a few minutes he couldn’t comprehend why he would yell at them like he did. Their presence was so warm and inviting, they were so caring and observant of everyone around them. Now he felt like even more of an ass before he came over to their apartment.

“Not that I don’t want to hang out with you or anything, but why exactly did you come over to my apartment today?” They asked setting down two plates of food on the counter and taking a seat across from Sakusa. Sakusa moved the food around his plate for a bit while he nervously thought about how to start the conversation. “I’m sorry.” He said and looked up, “About what happened when we were at Itachiyama.” Y/n paused, their food halfway to their mouth, and set down their utensils. “Oh, so you do remember that.” They said fidgeting with their hands, “I had honestly thought you forgot. It’s okay though Sakusa, it’s been what? Five years since that’s happened? I’ve moved past it, we’re different people than we were back then. I kinda get it though, I was a little much huh?” They asked, beginning to eat again.

“It wasn’t okay though, I shouldn’t have talked to you like that just because I was having a bad day Y/n. People care about you and what you have to say, and I guarantee your soulmate will love how bubbly and excited you always are.” Sakusa apologized again, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to apologize enough to them. “Honestly Sakusa it’s fine, I’ve gotten over it, besides I might never find my soulmate anyway.” Y/n said as they finished their food and put their plate in the sink. “I know you got more quiet because of what I said. You’re not as outgoing or bubbly anymore, you’re more shy and reserved than before and I feel awful for that. I didn’t realize that what I said could have that big of an impact on you-”

“Well it did.” Y/n interrupted him, “It impacted me so much Sakusa. I was just trying to include you so you didn’t feel left out during group projects or activities. I was just trying to be nice to you Sakusa, you know it’s really stupid I even had a little crush on you. I know that’s dumb because the chances of us being soulmates is basically zero, but you were nice to me. You talked to me, helped me on the homework, and somewhere along the way I developed a crush. Then you yelled at me.” Y/n took a deep breath and laughed pathetically, “You yelled at me, which is really stupid, because people told me all the time that I was “too much” and needed to calm down. But it was different coming from you, coming from someone who I had thought had become a friend of mine.”

“Y/n I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” Sakusa said as he made his way toward them. “I know you didn’t, Sakusa. I told you I’m over it. I guess I just wanted to yell back at you for it, even if it is five years later. Honestly I forgave you two years after it happened. I’m still bubbly and outgoing, it’s just that I wasn’t sure if you would’ve hated that at practice so I toned it down. Ask Bokuto, he’ll tell you.” Sakusa had felt a little better after hearing that from Y/n. He wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself if they had never gone back to their excitable personality.

“Here let me help with the dishes.” Sakusa said as he reached for the plate in their hand. They were about to protest when they felt a warm go on the tip of their index finger where his hand brushed theirs. Sakusa watched in awe as golden swirls danced around both of your finger tips, somehow in sync like a dance that wasn’t quite complete without its partner to help hold the rhythm of the number. The warmth of his hand was nothing like his sister had described to him. It felt like the first rays of sun in the morning on a warm autumn day with more of a comforting warmth than a hot one.

Neither of the two said anything as they watched the golden swirls fade away, but still felt the warmth of them underneath the skin still. “I know I said I had a crush on you earlier and I should be ecstatic that this is happening but a part of me can’t help but find this really ironic.” Y/n said laughing, still staring at their hands. “What do you mean?” Sakusa asked with a confused stare as he looked at Y/n. “You don’t think this is ironic? You literally told me my soulmate would find me annoying and now you’re my soulmate. It’s kind of funny.” Y/n explained, finally looking up at Sakusa.

Sakusa thought for a minute with furrowed eyebrows before realizing what they meant. “Would you be quiet about that?” He asked now laughing at the situation as well, “We just found out we’re soulmates and you’re making jokes? I’m glad you’re back to your old self but come on Y/n.” He gave a gentle shove to their shoulder as they laughed more at the situation and Y/n continued to make jokes and lightly shoved him back.

Outside the apartment Bokuto lowered his ready to knock fist with a smile, deciding to come back at a later time as he heard laughing coming from the inside of the usually quiet apartment.

#sakusa x you #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa oneshot #sakusa x y/n #sakusa x reader #sakusa imagine #sakusa fluff #sakusa angst #sakusa fic #sakusa imagines #haikyuu au #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #soulmate au

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silkgonerough · 3 years

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Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

#natal aspects #natal astrology #astro chart #astro rant #astro culture #astro observations #astrology #natal

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commie-catboi · 2 years

Text

from Una McCormack’s “Enigma Tales”

"My dear Doctor—

Let us take a tour of the city. We shall leave your room, which—while pleasant and offering a fine view and designed to be a great balm to you—is ultimately, like any sick room, hardly the most uplifting of environments.

So let us leave your room behind. We are still in my official residence, and I should confess that I am not fond of the place. It is quite new, which has benefits in terms of comfort and convenience, but I am afraid that it is increasingly starting to feel rather like a prison cell. You will recall I have some experience of prison cells, and therefore I am placed to make this comparison, although I admit that it could be considered rather fanciful. Still, the walls, at times, feel very close . . .

At this point, you would no doubt remind me, as Kelas often does, that I chose this role, and that if I do not like it, I can always give up and go back to reading bad books and pottering around my garden. You would no doubt also remind me that the scrutiny under which I have placed myself is crucial to my successful performance in this role. There are brakes on me, checks and balances, which do not allow me . . .

Do not allow me to indulge my excesses, as I have done in the past, and so many of our leaders have done in the past. Do not allow me to become cruel. Do not allow me to forget that I am not in this role for self-aggrandizement, but to do what I can to make up for the harm that I have done in the past. I, and those who ran Cardassia for generation after generation, repeated in one long blood-drenched repetitive epic.

I digress.

I wish you could meet Kelas. I think you would like each other. I think you would admire each other. Besides, you both have—had—a habit of lecturing me.

I do not mind. Not much. I deserve it. In some respects, I am touched that someone, somewhere, has my spiritual well-being at heart. It is nice to be loved, for what one is.

I did not mind your lectures. I wish I could hear them again.

Garak

[unsent]"

Reading this excerpt never fails to send a refreshing gale of emotions over me, as it reminds me of the relationship I share with some of my closest friends. I hope it can do the same for you. (btw garak writes a really sweet letter to jullian at the end of every chapter, its super cute and the book is well worth the read if you’re interested)

plus it follows Dr. Pulaski who I always thought was underappreciated.

#star trek #ds9 bashir #ds9 garak #katherine pulaski

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theangelofroses · 3 years

Text

So, you wanna work Archangel Uriel?

Hey there to people who are curious to work with the Archangel Uriel! I decided to write this short collection of research I have done about the archangel and the people who work with him. These opinions are not mine that I'm writing right now but collections from others who have work with him. (My opinion comes later.) But to many, he is quite an enigma so I decided to write a little about him. He is not the most vocal out of the four archangels. When he talks, he has a stern and an authoritative tone. Some people can perceive him as a woman or man. Though, I will be calling Uriel by the pronouns, he or him.

From my occult/esoteric/spiritual communities that I have worked with they say this archangel and cherubim in their practice is viewed as very positive, yet also very interestingly a scary angel, I will admit, he is not for everyone. People say, Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael often are seen more positively and beginner safe then Uriel.

You see to some people Uriel only appears under specific circumstances like if you are a prophet of god or to prevent any terrible disasters from occurring in the invoker’s life (he was the angel that told Noah of the flood).

He is quite good at reading people, he will pinpoint your perfections and your flaws. He will help you with your shortcomings and turn a negative situation into one of reflection and enlightenment. He is also known as a redemption angel. However, redemption is not always an easy as one might think, it takes a lot of learning and hard work to change from any bad habits. He can be quite harsh when necessary, this is only because he wants the invoker to become a better person and expand to greatness.

You could say he is a bit of a perfectionist. He wants only the best for the invoker and the invoker to be successful on whatever path of life they choose to excel in. He hates the wicked and the evil. He will punish all who will go against the will of the good. Not only does he guard the gates of Eden, also he guards at times at the gates of hell as well. He will enact exact justice upon anyone who is out of line or who are cruel in his eyes. (Some say he was the archangel to torment Moses when Moses fell out of line. Scary stuff right?)

Remember he has high standards for everyone this includes the invoker. To be honest this makes him intimidating at first glance. There is a joke that has gone around in some communities of people who worked with him that said he always has a stern expression on his face. Like one author joked that only once did they see Uriel smile. And only once.

But if you get pass that, many others have also said he is wonderful to work with for clarity, wisdom, intelligence, intuition, inspiration, grounding both spiritually and mentally and some say he founded kabbalistic practices too. He is very much known for his insightful wisdom. He can teach you anything and everything. All you need to do is have the patience. He is wonderful with divination, astrology, dreams, and prophecy. He can explain anything mystical without the invoker getting lost or confused. The people that work with him are often very enlightened with wisdom. When working with him, they are protected from any natural disasters and to those who need a great positive change in revolutionizing their lives to get rid of negative behaviors.

Let’s get out some short facts about him.

Uriel is the archangel of the North.

Uriel corresponds to the element of Earth.

Uriel's season is Winter.

Uriel rules over the zodiac signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Uriel’s day of the week is Tuesday.

Uriel is sometimes called Auriel, Ariel, and Phanuel.

His favorite time would be midnight

His colors are primarily green and brown. However others have said red, orange, yellow, and purple.

Signs from him are lightening, thunder, storms, rainbows, the number 111, his flaming hand, flaming sword, Scales, lions, books and scrolls

My opinion here doesn’t count cause everything subjective but I’m putting my opinion here anyway: Auriel is what I call him instead of Uriel. Auriel is a very good but a stern archangel. Tasks will get accomplished with him through hard work. He expects the best from you. If you write down a list of things you need to get done and ask Auriel to help you. He will make sure you get everything done on time and it will be perfect. He will try to change your unhealthy habits, behaviors, or situations with negative people in your life. This can be anything from depression or circumstances where you feel powerless against an aggressor. He will make you look at things differently like hardships and reframe it to be a positive outlook of the experience. If you wanted help with forgiveness, he will teach you how to let go of things about sadness, regret and despair.

You might even notice he is very similar to Archangel Michael. However, Michael focuses on protection whereas Auriel focuses on wisdom. He can tell your life’s purpose too. He loves the arts, music, writing, and poetry. He will improve your talents too. He has this great ability to give you a spark of inspiration in any field you so desire. He loves to help you creating new and inventive things. He will get straight to the point about everything too. To be honest loved working with him, he was very helpful to me. TLTR This grumpy wise Cherubim is great also a little scary. Don't forget this is all subjective to debate upon. Go you to him if you feel drawn to praying or working with him. Your experience might be different then others. My book sources are: Azrael loves chocolate, Michael's a Jock by Chantel Lysette *this book talks about his personality and I enjoyed the book*

Uriel: Communicating with the Archangel for Transformation & Tranquility by Richard Webster *this book shows Uriel in how he helps others and has meditations specifically for him*

Angels: Companion in Magick by Silver Ravenwolf *This book goes into his personality, all types of meditations and prayers to any angel. I highly recommend this book.*

Archangels of Magick by Damon Brand *This provides magick seals, and descriptions of Uriel, ways to call on him*

My other online sources are hard to find right now I will list them later.

#Archangel Uriel #Archangel Magick #Christian Witch #Right Hand Path #Angel Magick #esoteric christianity #Auriel #Uriel #Christian Magick #Angels #angelology

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saphirered · 3 years

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The first and only time Lucien displayed any vulnerability was when Jester called him "dreamy," after which he alluded to an unpleasant upbringing. I was wondering if you could write something wherein the reader (human) shows interest in him? Being his typical, condescending self, he thinks it's because the reader was with Molly, only to find out the reader is genuinely interested in him, and maybe that thaws his heart a little?

I hope this turned out to your liking. Love me a condescending tiefling who doesn't acknowledge views other than his own. Hope you enjoy! 😘

Lucien, previously mostly indifferent to you, has been keeping his distance after you read him like an open book in the card reading incident with Jester. Maybe having this bunch of gullible but curious adventurers tagging along was a terrible idea after all. Maybe best get rid of them now before it’s too late. But there you are being your stupid charming, beautiful self and something within him hesitates, even more so than with the others. You are an enigma he needs to figure out. Right now you’re an obstacle standing in the way of his goal because every second he’s paying more attention to you, he’s less on guard and that might just compromise his endgame.

Lucien is entertaining the thought to just talk his way into your bed, and get it over with. Maybe once he’s gotten his bias for you out of his system he can get back to work. Besides, you’ve shown some interest in him already, rooted in your connection with the fragment previous to his own return. Same face, same body, a few shared traits maybe, but not the same person. A fatal flaw on your end…

Perhaps Lucien can turn this into leverage, play into the parts you might latch onto believing that maybe the fragment might return to the surface if you call to him. Or play into your feelings for the fragment, play sympathetic and play upon a mutual interest. Because maybe if he plays along, you could be the game changer, the leverage, and give him answers and insights in this Mighty Nein. You might be the key to all the answers he’s seeking. And if achieving this goal results in the two of you sleeping together, two birds one stone. There’s no negative outcome for him here. Either you turn on your friends and join him or eventually stand against him and he’d already have gotten what he wants from you.

From the moment you met Lucien it was abundantly clear he’s not Molly. Yes there are some similarities and habits they share but beyond a surface level they’re very different. That doesn’t mean you weren’t curious to get to know this version of the tiefling. While he has many flaws, some that cannot be overlooked, there’s something about Lucien that commands attention. With how closed off this version is you played into the parts you did recognise, if only to make your encounters with him a bit more pleasant and less tense, be that for yourself or others around you.

Your encounters, especially when eventually traveling together grew more frequent and less tense to the point one could call them enjoyable. Of course the Nein caught onto this and saw it as hope their, your Mollymauk might still be in there. He might, maybe not in the way they hoped. Right now Lucien is here and he’s here to stay. Even from the start you didn’t want to make enemies with the man be that out of self preservation, your own curiosity or something else entirely. Making enemies with the Nonagon just seemed stupid and getting to know him, looking past all the theatrics he put up for the Nein, he’a actually a half decent person.

You’d been making progress, getting to know Lucien, spending more time with him. From the start you didn’t hide the fact that you may or may not have a thing for him. Seems like your taste hasn’t changed; charming enigmatic drama queens with great style, a dash of egoism and some hedonism thrown into the mix. It was all going well and you could see the walls slowly beginning to crumble giving you a peak behind the curtain; Lucien without the facade but then Jester came along with Molly’s cards. Curiosity peaked of course Lucien took her up on her offer of a reading.

You saw that twitch, saw the walls come down and you got a peak behind the curtain just like you had wanted. Only it lasted much shorter than you had hoped the walls rose and the curtain closed once more. You got some insights in his past based of his responses and with how close attention you were paying you know he was aware of what you were able to glean. You kind of pity him for the past he went through even the present he lives now. You recall Molly deflecting, changing the subject, doing anything to avoid confrontation if it didn’t suit him. After that card reading you got the same from Lucien this time in the form of a cold shoulder. Dammit Jester. Now you have to find a way to fix this.

The others are asleep in the dome save for Fjord currently keeping watch and you awake and bothered. A ways away at a comfortable distance is the camp of the Tombtakers. They too are asleep with the exception of Lucien who sits in front of the fire staring into the flames. Getting up with a soft puff you make eye contact with Fjord. A confused ‘where are you going?’ glance from the half-orc leads you to respond with a nod in the direction of Lucien which in turn leads to a non-verbal argument with the man, an argument that won’t stop you so when the last is said and done you just wave and step outside of the bubble, blanket still wrapped around your shoulders to block out the cold Eiselcross air.

You’re not deliberately quiet padding your way through the thick layer of snow and know full well you should be in sight of Lucien but he doesn’t in any way respond to you. His eyes stay trained on the fire in front of him so you walk up beside him. The cold very much bothers you and you’re beginning to regret your decision of walking out of the comforts of the dome just because you want to sort out this sudden cold behaviour towards you and get it over with. It may take a leap of faith to do so but if that’s what it takes, that’s exactly what you’ll do.

“Hey, I could really do with some of the perks of that infernal bloodline if you don’t mind.” You nudge his leg with your foot pulling the blanket around your shoulders just a little bit tighter. Shaken out of whatever trance Lucien had allowed himself to slip in he looks up at you.

“If you’re so cold you can go back to the comforts of that dome so handily provided by your wizard friend.” Ouch. That’s icy cold but you haven’t come this far by just accepting rude comments. You’re stubborn and you’re not backing down just yet.

“Don’t patronise me.” You sit down keeping a good foot or so between the two of you as you stare into the flames, the warmth not nearly enough to actually keep you comfortable, you’re shivering. Your presence alone puts Lucien on edge so here you’ll stay. Besides, if you get hypothermia, the clerics can fix you right?

About fifteen minutes pass and your quivering doesn’t end, your breath visible in the air, you are a constant nuisance to his previously peaceful evening of plotting. Why did you have to leave your bloody bubble and come bother him? Because right now you’re the only thing on his mind and all previous queries and grand plans have left his brain and there’s only you. Maybe you’ll just leave if he keeps this going? No you won’t. Lucien knows you longer than today and once you’ve set your mind to something you’re not letting go until you’re satisfied. Right now you’re anything but satisfied.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with because I need to get back to figuring out if you lot will remain useful or a thorn in my drawers. What do you want?” Lucien sneers studying you. His red eyes harsh, you get a clear view of the frustration and tension.

“We’re cutting the crap? Okay. All fine with me.” You clasp your hands together and lean your chin on them as you address the tiefling. “Why have you been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder ever since you showed an ounce of vulnerability?” Two can play this game and if you know anything from Molly it’s that if you get him frustrated and on edge he’s more likely to let things slip he’d usually keep in. By the looks of it Lucien isn’t much different in that aspect but he has a bit more self control.

“Perhaps I’m just done playing the part of a long gone fragment you’re desperate to hold onto, darling. It’s been fun but the game’s over.” Lucien’s this close to deadpanning that sentence. Close but not close enough. You laugh almost disappointed. Such a blatant lie, you expected better from this one.

“Laugh all you want. The game is over.”

“You’ve spent too much time with people agreeing with you all the time that you seem to have forgotten what it’s like to have your views misalign with that of another.”

“Now you’re the one patronising me.” He jabs back. Eyebrow raised you press your lips together. So looks like it’s not going to take much for you to get answers out of Lucien.

“I’m not the one spooked by some cards and the notion of showing a fraction of vulnerability in a moment the majority won’t even catch on to let alone understand.” Lucien turns to face you and glares.

“Are you done yet?” Oh you’re not nearly done but you also know Lucien can be fickle and you don’t want to push too far. You’ve got one more up your sleeve. Okay maybe a few more… Should you give him a choice on which one he’d like to address? You snort. Lucien grabs you by the shoulder and turns you to face him with disapproving expression trying to cover the frustration and how much you’re getting on his nerves right now; less because of your attitude and more because of his own issues.

“So your game ends before you weasel your way into my bed and attempt to use me for your own benefit, manipulate me until I spill all my friends and I’s secrets, and cast me aside once I’ve outlived my usefulness?” Nail. On. The Head. Lucien’s taken aback by that one. The shock’s clear and he does not like it at all you caught him off guard by exposing his plans just like that when you’d been playing along just as he had been trying to get you to.

“How’s that been working out for you? Or do you count attachment as a weakness now as well? Since vulnerability already is a major one in your opinion.” Lucien takes the verbal attacks and he’s none to happy about it. He’s just lost his advantage, or at least the advantage he thought he had. Maybe he got so caught up in this little game that the line between him playing and him actually being blurred and you just called him out on exactly that.

“Depends. How well is it working for you?”

“You trying to charm your way into my bed? Peachy. You trying to manipulate me by playing into the shared traits between my dead companion and you. You’re doing terrible. Maybe your own feelings got in the way? Is attraction also a weakness then?” Lucien’s fist clenches as you yet again air his dirty laundry. This habit has to stop, for his sake.

“Very well then, since me charming my way into your arms has been going so smoothly, let’s get this over with and go our separate ways that we for once and all can confirm your fragment is never coming back and I can get you out of my head.”

“If you think that’s going to solve all your problems then I fully consent but I highly doubt that will fix anything since your own interests in me won’t just go away by sleeping with me. That’s not how these things work.” No use in beating around the bush and while he’d rather not admit it Lucien considered the fact that just getting rid of the jitters won’t get rid of his feelings towards you. Damn you. This would have been so much easier if you would just prove him right even if he wasn’t.

“Then what do you suggest? We kiss and make up and go our separate ways?” Lucien huffs and you roll your eyes. Anything to deflect from being faced with his feelings and dismiss yours. Can he just accept you’re interested in him and not in the shadow of Mollymauk that’s left in him?

“You want a kiss? Fine. A kiss you’ll get.” You’re the one getting exasperated with his quick dismissal so you put your hand on the side of his neck. Give him a chance to pull away or stop you before you put your lips to his. The kiss deepens into a snog and you find yourself hoping Fjord hasn’t been keeping an eye on you or he’d be in for a show without any context. You’ll have a lot of explaining to do later….

Enough’s enough and you break the kiss paying close attention to Lucien who’s processing whatever’s running through his head. You just hope he’ll be able to put his own stubbornness aside, get over himself and admit to his feelings and yours because last you checked denial is much more of a problem than vulnerability ever will be.

“You need to start accepting people don’t automatically work the way you think they work. You don’t have to like the fact I actually like you nor do you have to like me in return but you cannot dismiss my feelings and opinions just because they don’t suit you.” You pat his cheek and while he’d consider it a belittling gesture, it’s fair game at this point. Maybe the game’s still being played after all and he was never in control of the game to begin with. That’s a bit of a damper in the grand scheme of it all.

It leaves Lucien to think. Since he’s already way over his head and too far into this that there’s no way back, maybe he’ll take his chances. No major changes. The goals remain the same but for now maybe he can enjoy a little company every so often if you’ll allow it… Maybe he can drop the cold exterior, get rid of the ‘divine purpose’ attitude and just let himself be for however long it lasts. At the end of they day he has little to lose and much more to gain.

“Fine. I recognise your interests in me as more than for what silvers of that fragment remain.” Lucien does not like admitting defeat and the expression on his face brings you so much satisfaction. Yes you might have feelings for the man but that doesn’t mean you can’t find joy in these kinds of interactions even if they are rooted in frustrations.

“And…” You push for him to continue. You can see him grit his teeth but he continues at your behest.

“And, accept them along my own. No matter how much I hate to admit it, I apologise for excusing my own behaviour and motives as means solely to manipulate you.” Lucien glares at you seeing your own satisfaction.

“Good boy.” You pat his cheek.

“Now since you’ve gotten all of this out of me you better share that blanket of yours because you’re not the only one freezing out here.”

“So the cold does bother him after all.” You grin and scoot over to wrap the blanket around the both of you. A bit of the rigidness remains, not ready to drop the cold and distant attitude just yet, if ever entirely, you know the ice is melting, even if just a little. More than you expected. More than you could have asked for. Now how the hell are you going to explain this to the others….

#critical role x reader #critrole x reader #mighty nein x reader #critical role #mighty nein #lucien x reader #mollymauk x reader

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