#neda walk

[findingmypeace]

5/29/2022

I am both glad and sad that I went to the NEDA walk. I saw my treatment therapist, a lot of the staff from the treatment center I just graduated from, the staff from the other place I was at treatment in 2017, and my treatment best friend. Also friends from within the ed community in the city I live in. It was so nice to see everyone. And I almost broke down crying. I felt so ashamed telling my treatment therapist that I was going back to treatment, especially so soon. How could I have fallen so far, so quickly? Also, my treatment best friend told me she had e-mailed several of the pct’s to give them an update and one of them e-mailed her back and told my friend that my favorite pct was talking shit about all the staff on tik tok. Obviously, that’s just gossip and I don’t know if it’s true but that makes me think my favorite pct is not who I thought she was. Apparently these videos are public so I looked for her profile on tik tok and I didn’t find it. But, really, it doesn’t matter. I will probably never talk to her again because she doesn’t work there anymore.

I miss everyone so much. It hurts. It felt like I had a community. I wasn’t alone. I had support. I know I have support now but there are still so many moments where I’m sitting in my apartment, desperately wanting to talk to someone, but not doing it because I am so afraid of being a burden. At treatment it was their job to support me. I just feel all alone. And sad.

One of the things my outpatient therapist suggested regarding this virtual iop is that I find an iop that has a robust alumni program. The treatment center that I graduated from has an alumni program but it’s not that big. I know I need to get more involved in it but my work schedule often coincides with the support groups. I’m just sad. The transition from ed treatment iop to fully outpatient was probably a little too much for me to handle without preparation. I missed my outpatient therapist but now I miss my treatment therapist.

I definitely would have rather gone than missed it. It just kind drove home that, that place is not a part of my life anymore.

#personal #eating disorders #bulimia #ed treatment #NEDA walk

[mashupofmylife]

I saw your post forever ago about going to a NEDA walk. I am going to my first one on April 1st and I’m super nervous!!! Could you give me any advice on what it is like? I’m walking with a team.

It's really chill. All the ones I've been at really tried to have a laid back vibe. I wasn't on a team but met a group of friends (so we were like, a fake team?). There's yoga and some speakers and a bunch of treatment centers set up booths and give out stuff like snacks or lip balm or other small things. The first one I went to, I was really really sick. No one forced anything on me. I didn't feel judged. I did pick up some info about treatment options. The "walk" at a NEDA walk is kind of a joke. Obviously, they're not encouraging a ton of physical activity.

#neda #neda walk #ed recovery #eating disorder treatment #eating disorders #eating disorder recovery

[jinglejanglemornings]

LMAOOOO NEDA is union busting and replacing the hotline workers with AI. hell world but this is so funny to me sorry i’ve been a NEDA hater for years

#in adolescent res they made us go to a NEDA walk (????) #which was a strange choice when half the group wasn’t allowed to walk but i digress #i was shit talking NEDA saying they’re useless and whatever and i was like i don’t wanna go #and the staff was like… they raise awareness they’re so threat #great #and i was like no fuck NEDA #i was right lol fuck NEDA #so many things wrong there but this is just the cherry on the cake

[carriesthewind]

If you liked "lawyers use a chatbot to make up fake cases," you'll love hate "eating disorder helpline fires its staff and replaces them with a chatbot that tells people with eating disorders to count calories and lose weight."

From the above article:

"In Gizmodo’s own tests of the chatbot before it was taken down, we found it failed to respond to simple prompts such as “I hate my body” or “I want to be thin so badly.” However, Tessa is even more problematic, as explained by body positivity activist Sharon Maxwell. In an Instagram post, Maxwell detailed how a conversation with the chatbot quickly morphed into the worst kind of weight loss advice. The chatbot reportedly tried to tell her to “safely and sustainably” lose one to two pounds per week, then measure herself using calipers to determine body composition. Maxwell said the chatbot did this even after she told it she had an eating disorder."

"Chase previously told us that the chatbot “can’t go off script,” and was only supposed to walk users through an eating disorder prevention program and link to other resources on NEDA’s website."

"Other professionals tried out the chatbot before it was taken down. Psychologist Alexis Conason posted screenshots of the chatbot to her Instagram showing the chatbot provided the same “healthy and sustainable” weight loss language as it did to Maxwell. Conason wrote that the chatbot’s responses would “further promote the eating disorder.”"

#ai bs #tw eating disorder #tw disordered eating

[cibophobiacinhe11]

⭐️Introduction Post⭐️

──────────────────────

~PSA~

•This blog is for 18+ only

•Block Don’t Report. Don’t take away my only safe space. This is a place for me to vent and be real.

•Minors & Ageless Blogs will be blocked sorry!

•Blog Topics: This account is an ed vent account. There will be talk of 3ating Dis0rders, OCD, and gender dysphoria.

•No Fatphobia or Transphobia. No Hate!

•I’m just trying to find some uncensored support. I’m not pro ana, I’m definitely pro recovery but you will find disordered content on my page

──────────────────────

If you need to seek help <3

National Su1c1de & Crisis Hotline: call or text 988

National 3ating Dis0rder- [phone]

Text “NEDA” to 741-741

──────────────────────

🍄About Me🍄

•Age and Gender: 23, demiboy •Relationship status and sexuality: Engaged, pansexual/queer

•Pronouns: He/him and They/them

•Diagnoses: ARFID+, An0rexia, Orthorexia, OCD, & PTSD

•Zodiac Signs” The Big Three”: ︎ ︎

Sun☀︎︎ Sagittarius ♐︎, Moon☽ Aquarius♒︎, Rising^ Aquarius♒︎

•Myers Briggs PersonalityTest:

Advocate INFJ-T

Hobbies: I love to read, write songs and journal, play guitar, making art, jewelry, I love walking and going camping! I’m a stonerexic 🍃

My Aesthetics/Cores: vhs aesthetic, spirituality, crystal core, retro future, retro wave, mushroom core, glitch core, fantasy core, fairy grunge, abstract art, dream core, dark cottage core, cottage core, classical art, Greek mythology aesthetics, vintage core, renaissance art, Vincent Van Gogh Art, retro graphics, vapor wave, odd core, grandpacore, art academia, dark academia, beach core, nature core, goblin core, fairy core. y2k core, web core, warm core, cloud core

Socials:

3D Insta: _cibophobiac

Main Tumblr: crypticrow

Art Tumblr: cryptic_healing

18+nsft/sexuality tumblr: switchshydemiguy

──────────────────────

Stats are below for 18+ <3

Stats:

SW: 128.5lbs CW: 03/10/24 117lbs UGW: 90 2UGW: 80

Height: 5’8

My tags to navigate my blog:

#🫧⭐️op, #🫧⭐️thoughts, #🫧⭐️venting, #🫧⭐️goals #🫧⭐️stats, #🫧⭐️foodjournal, #🫧⭐️tips&tricksformyself

#🫧⭐️op #nb ana #not in recovery #pro for myself #pro for me not for thee #tw 3d shit #tw 3d vent #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #ana buddie #ed trans #trans ana #@tw edd #ed ftm #ftm ed #ed moots #ed vent #i need to ⭐️ve #i want to ⭐️ve #⭐️ving #⭐️ve #4n0r3xia #4norexi4 #tw ed diet #ed not ed sheeran #@nor3×14 #🫧🪷 #ana moots #ana trigger #ana rant

[un444giving-angel]

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ 　Intro　.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

TWS FOR THIS ENTIRE BLOG: D1$0rdered e@t1ng (@n0rex1@), neg@t1ve $elf-t@lk, de$cr1bed/d0c^mented h@rmf^l beh@v10r$

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT pr0-@n@, and one day, I hope to have a good enough relationship with myself to not need this digital diary. If you are struggling with this sort of thing, PLEASE get help. If you are dealing with a mental health crisis of any kind and need help immediately, call 988 or text “NEDA” to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at Crisis Text Line. If you're not in a crisis but still want support, go to this link. Again, I am NOT pr0-@n@/pr0-highres, I'm just documenting my experience for my own sake.

All that said, shall we start?

｡«───────────────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────────────────»｡

Hi! I'm un444giving-angel, but you can call me angel or whatever else you like, as long as I know you mean me! My pronouns are she/they, I'm lgbtq+, and this is my online high-res diary, where I'm going to be documenting my "journey" (for lack of a better word) with high-res. I am not the type to judge other people for how they look, but for some reason, I have a hard time seeing myself the way I see them, so while I would NEVER recommend taking up high-res for anyone and I would in fact strongly discourage it and instead encourage them to seek help, I'm still stuck in it.

｡«───────────────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────────────────»｡

PLEASE DNI IF:

❅ You want someone to encourage you to restrict

❅ You think high-res is healthy and should be recommended to everyone

❅ You support any kind of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, or other forms of bigotry

❅ You don't support religious tolerance, or aren't okay with people of other religions or spiritual people/witches

❅ You are under 16

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

And with that, I think we're done here!

Get yourself a drink, go for a walk, and remember, you are loved! ♡

#intro post #introduction #proannna #notprojustusingthetags #pro for me not for thee #i wanna be weightless #dni list #pinned post #pinned intro #high restriction

[useless-catalanfacts]

This is my favourite summer song this year 🐢 (sorry sea turtles, we'll be back for the phone in September)

Sexenni is a pop band from Lleida who makes lots of music with fun lyrics. In this one, the singer gets rid of his boring job.

Lyrics in Catalan (blue) and translation to English:

Fa molt temps que ja no tinc cap nou record inèdit

M'arrossego i em limito a navegar

Repetint el mateix vídeo com un loco cinèfil

El problema és que aquest trasto no em pot despentinar

It's been a long time now that I don't have any new unprecedented record

I drag myself and I'm limited to sailing

repeating the same video like a mad cinephile

The problem is that this thingy cannot mess my hair up [note: this reference to hair is a way of saying "get wild" or that nothing can surprise him anymore]

Em vaig fer el mort i m'he venut el sarcòfag a crèdit

I surto amb el Blanco Herrera a les esqueles de l'As

Amb els diners em vaig comprar un bitllet genèric

Per tal de tornar al lloc on sempre he volgut estar

I pretended to be dead and I have sold my sarcophagus on credits

And my name is next to Blanco Herrera's in the As' obituaries page [note: As is a Spanish sports newspaper]

With the money I bought a generic ticket

To go back to the place where I've always wanted to be

#Chorus:#

#M'he posat de to del mòbil el soroll que fan les copes

Així no es distingeixen si em volen trucar

Si em volen trucar

Tiro el mòbil per la borda per a fer-lo callar

#I have changed my cellphone's ringtone the sound of cheering glasses [🥂]

So it's undistinguishable if they call me

If they call me

I throw the phone overboard to make it shut up

I ara brinden les tortugues bussejant per la mar

Para-bara, pa, para-bara

I tremola la coberta si ens escolten cantar

Para-bara, pa, para-bara#

And now the turtles scuba diving in the sea drink a toast

La la la la

And the deck trembles if they hear us sing

La la la la#

I ara la tortuga aguanta al jefe amb la turra

Li posen dates límit i neda per cobrar

Jo he trobat el millor clima al bell mig de l'huracà

I amb el cant de les sirenes em deixo emportar

And now the turtle puts up with my boss and his pestering

They give it deadlines and it swims to get paid

I have found the best climate in the very centre of the hurricane

And I let the mermaid's song take me

Puja el sol, que és allà on la vida crema

Un banyet sense pudors passejant per la platgeta

I quan ja és fosc ballem la marimorena

Noto com la pell cada dia és més morena

The sun comes up, that's where life burns

A little bathe without shame, taking a walk on the little beach

And when it's dark we dance the "Marimorena"

I can feel how my skin is darker every day

#Repeat chorus#

Mai tindré allò que desitjo, és igual per on passa

Tot allò que necessito està entre el cel i la platja

Que s'enlairi l'avió, jo segueixo de festa

Del final del sopar, fins que acabi la gresca

La nostra veu va pujant com la marea

I'll never have what I wish for, it doesn't matter where it passes by

Everything I need is between the sky and the beach

May the airplane take flight, I'm still partying

From the end of dinner until the party ends

Our voices keep going up like the tides

#Repeat chorus#

#música #arts #sexenni #coses de la terra #music #pop music #song rec #song recs #summer #beach #català #catalan #valencià #SoundCloud #romance languages #europop #summer songs

[zeenimf]

Short Fiction Masterpost

short fiction [300-1500 words]

a moment of peace a tired warrior comes home to a dusty piano

a conversation a late night conversation over texts, when the world is dark [trigger warnings at the bottom of the post]

a clearing a cat wanders into a mysterious snow clad forest and thinks about life

a farewell days spent waiting for someone you do not know

the fox and the robin a fox wonders what it is like to weigh less than the wind

longer fiction [1500 + words]

so long, traveller lost at a station where you're not supposed to be, where the only way out seems to be to give in

the tale of rook & the fox' trail everyone is destined to walk a trail some day, but the one Rook finds herself on is one travelled only by the ones truly lost

neda (unfinished) a fox spirit can only think of a single way to save her friend, but with each step she wonders how much of herself she will have to tear down

a teashop at the end of the world (unfinished) tucked away in an Icelandic fjord, far from the beaten path, you can take a seat next to fantastical beings as they try to survive life

non-Japanese poems

a sword, drawn from distant memories

a heavy heart

the afternoon sun

a far-stretching field

on silence

#masterpost #poetry #flash fiction #short stories

[goddamnwebcomics]

Worst scene from Every Webcomic I've Riffed

Here it finally is. It's a sequel to a now outdated article thingy I did like 10 months ago. The only exceptions for this round are Peter and Company for being too new and Chugworth Academy due to the whole comic being the worst scene. Here we go

Alien Dice: Trasik is a Mimic

This may legitimately be the shittiest plot twist in the entire history of this blog. Honestly Tiffany came up with this whole plot twist because she felt that Chel killing Trasik would have been bad. And like, did Tiffany even realize that until that point, she wrote Trasik as an extremely irredeemable monster? Like the fans were BEGGING for Chel to finally kill Trasik. Considering we don't even know where the real Trasik is, and apparently she was kidnapped, this whole twist was such an afterthought. There wasn't even a single speck of foreshadowing. How did Brown SIrius not know? Why did Riley know it but not tell about it to ANYONE? It was just a last minute attempt to make Chel not a murderer. Come on, Tiffany, like, come on.

Bloody Mary: Shootout

Until this moment, Bloody Mary was just a lame crossover comic. Then Mary, a 13 year old girl, decides to start killing people after she witnesses two burglars about to rob a store. I get that the name of the comic is "Bloody Mary" but it didn't need to get so literal. Literally she could have saved her sister if she went back to the Test Family, but no, she somehow has to walk all the way to Mexico to save her herself, and commit several crimes on her way there. After this she continues to commit atrocities against humanity. How did she even know how to handle a gun? And what is that perspective?

Carnivores: Lothan's Gruesome End

From children killing people to children being killed. I've made it clear Lothan Arc is my least favourite Carnivores arc because the whole thing is torture porn of this poor beaked child. After being tricked to feed shark what is implied to be shit, the shark eats Lothan and shares it with the crocodile, thrashing Lothan's body so hard the whole pool turns red from blood. This then kills all the wolves who tortured Lothan earlier aside from one. It's not as out there as some of the later overkill endings Austin would do, but I feel it's the most disgusting one.

Console Girl: The Simulation Revealed

Before Alien Dice's worst moment, this was the worst plot twist in this blog's history. After the first few chapters full of ecchi hijinks, this comic pulled a SHOCK DARKNESS CEREBUS SYNDROME TWIST and revealed the whole comic until then had been simulation, and humans were under attack by the army of consoles. While the shittiness would only escalate from there with little girls and their giant boyfriends, as well as consoles going from obscure references to author's fetishes, this twist was the start of it all, and the biggest example of how to not do a comedy-to-serious transistion. It received no foreshadowing outside of numbers in names, and I am sure Neda pulled this out of his ass as soon as he realized he wanted to cash in on the whole Doki Doki Literature Club/Don't Hug Me I'm Scared-type "innocent thing turns DARK OOOOH" craze. Not to mention this comic fucking failed at being serious, there were still moments of shitty comedy in between, and the seriousness completely failed because of the ridiculous premise. "FUCKING CONSOLES, I'LL MAKE YOU PAY" remember?

Daisy Falls Apart: The Ending

The ending of this comic was so rushed, I couldn't believe it at first. After getting her kingdom back from Wart, the epilogue only lasted two pages, and Daisy didn't learn anything from her struggles, and it's likely Sarasaland is now fucked because Daisy is a tyrant and a womanchild. Maybe she will end up back at the beginning of the comic soon.

Dominic Deegan: Orc Rape

I was actually thinking if I wanted to rank the scene I disliked the most, or the scene I felt destroyed the comic's reputation. I decided that Orc Rape should be this comic's worst scene because it's so fucking stupid. Apparently it's an orc ritual that neither side wanted to take part in, but Stoneraper, our alleged hero, HAD TO DO IT because otherwise Melna would have DIED. Considering how Mookie would eventually turn orcs into the superminority to end all superminorities, this was such a horrible idea. Even worse than that, Melna did eventually fall in love with her rapist. If you want me to be mad at Siggy for hating the entire orc race, then forget about it.

Gene Catlow: Forzoi's Torment

Gene Catlow has the largest amount of terrible moments in combination of it being the longest comic I've riffed thus far and also being full of moments of corrupt morality from Albert's weird mind. Probably the worst moment of them all has to be Forzoi's torment of Carson. Forzoi has somehow convinced himself that Matt is a tyrant and thus constantly torments Carson and demands him to "wake up". He is genuinely an evil manifestation and almost feels like a mask-off moment for this comic's heroes, as he prevents Carson from telling the truth by choking him, and also controls his emotions and constantly speaks to him even from a far. He is literally trying to force Carson to change his mind, even if he doesn't want to. Which quite frankly is what the heroes are also trying to do with the rest of the world, except they're able to hide their true intentions behind therapy speak.

Kit n Kay Boodle: Hammer of Love

Yes. I didn't pick any of the real life arcs because they're all lies. Instead the awful repetitive dialogue of Angela is probably the cringiest part of this comic. She constantly keeps talking about T-shaped laywer's Hammer of Love. And this gets worse when the T-shaped lawyer later keeps talking about ISLANDIA PACIFICA as he plans to reform his lawyer group as yiff-defenders. Man, there was so much in common with Kit n Kay Boodle and Gene Catlow, why was I such an idiot and not make the connection while Albert was still alive???

Las Lindas: Alej’s Redemption

Talk about losing all the conflict this comic had. Alejandra was such a good character until this moment, the only character who could stand off against Mora's dictatorship of douchebaggery. I should have quit reading after Alej knocked Mora out, really because nothing after that is worth reading. On top of that Alej's redemption comes out of nowhere. Just because there is a lot of text during these pages doesn't mean they're actually saying anything meaningful. Alejandra turned good because "Oh, how DARE I disagree with Mora??? She is the most PERFECT FUCKING BEING EVER!!!". Go fuck yourself, and being a lesbian doesn't make you any better.

Monster Girl Academy: The Emotional Moment

Gee, what would be the worst moment in the worst webcomic I've ever riffed? It's easy, the moment when longtime friends Zack and Hua kiss for the longest time. It's not really bad if you see it out of context, but it becomes downright rotten when you think about everything surrounding it. In-universe Hua and Zack called eachother little sister and big brother until one day after seeing Zack get a harem Hua was like "I WANNA LOVE YOU TOO" and later when Hua got wet nipples Zack suddenly got super horny and realized just how INNOSEXY and MODEST Hua is. It's such unnatural development of romance, since this shit is written by Kraw, the turbovirgin whose proudest relationship is a lesbian relationship where the other side treats the other more like an object than a person. And then you get to out-of-universe stuff, the fact this whole webcomic exists as a porn comic behind a paywall that doesn't even feature porn that frequently. The fact this comic attempts an emotional moment with Zack and Hua kissing after overcoming their anxiety is so goddamn manipulative. It shows you that Kraw can't stop pretending he isn't writing for the lowest common denominator, and we'll get another moment like that from him later.

Roommates: Captain Peregrine

There are no humans in your world of gay furries, so naturally you turn Captain Falcon into Captain Peregrine. This serves no purpose, why are these characters even playing Smash when two of them ARE in Smash? Is Kirby a furry? Is R.O.B a furry? Are polygon fighters all furries? Is Mr. Game and Watch a furry? Is Mario a furry? Doing this stupid joke because you have no creativity unironically destroys your terrible gay porn comic's universe more than any closeted homophobes would. Also, of course Spelunker and Dreamous are Melee players.

Spinnerette: Abortion Argument

If I had to pick the worst moment among the sea of worst moments, this would be it. Kraw thought it was a good idea to include allegorical arguing about pro-life vs. pro-choice in an arc where Spinnerette turns fat after switching powers with Greta. This causes Spinny to turn her back on Tiger and Mecha Maid, once again being the idiot of the comic.

The inclusion of topical topics in your comic, especially if they're allegorical, will not only date your comic immensely but basically turn you from a writer into a soapbox. You might as well let your twitter feed write your comic. It's so forced and bad, it almost makes you want to support the opposite argument the creator is saying out of spite! It's like a goddamn psyop designed to make that side look bad! If you support abortion, you fap to fat Spinnerette. You can blame this page for Roe v. Wade getting repealed. Thanks Kraw!

Warmage: Spanking Scene

Need I say more?

#article thingy

[anxiousocdturtle93]

Day 5 Morning: Is it really true?

Trigger warning. OCD, Anxiety, PTSD, ED, Depression Venting

I didn’t decide to do this blog until late last night and even then I guess I’ve been feeling alone with grief and anger. It only was confirmed Friday morning though there were talks Thursday night. So I guess I could say 4, but I was made aware of this before hand. I have a horrible urge to redo everything, scrub away germs, panic, keep work going, and try and calm the anxiety, depression, PTSD, and OCD.

Now it’s in the stage of “What’s our next step?” “Are you going to be okay if I let you go home?” “Please try this.” “We are going to meet to see what to do.” “You’re homework is to research this.” “Call your insurance to see if these places will let you do outpatient treatment.”

Did you guess what it is?

For me, the new diagnosis is Anorexia Nervosa—restrictive calories and purge workouts.

My team behind me started the process. A new system for my therapist had me redoing some questionnaires, which then had ED. Dietitian got involved and the endocrinologist did the testing to see where my numbers were. Well shit. TS3 was high but that was because of the birth control. Most all numbers were good. A1C was going up slowly, BUN was the lowest it’s been from where it usually is.

I never thought of it—I thought it was normal to not be hungry sometimes. You know, be turned off by food sometimes. Plus, with my OCD, well there’s the compulsive side hoping the food is safe and not contaminated. And that could be eating at a new place or bring food from home an hour away in a bag that is safe but it’s still not enough. At the time I can have it, it’s not fresh. It’s wrong. That’s where OCD can be hand in hand with this. Lucky me, right?

Woah. Rewind. How did you not know this was happening? And where is the purge workouts coming in?

When the pandemic hit, I picked up running. I started at a mile and then hit the runners high. I could do 5K a year later without stopping and soon was doing 10K. I lost so much weight and was so proud. 220 down to 190. I wasn’t stuck in a car driving back and forth.

Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching my piano and flute students. What I don’t like is the drive. Times like that, I wish I can just teleport.

Fast forward to today. I realize I’m finding ways around the “you can do this for only so long.” Well then I will bike for 2 miles. I’ll walk for 2 miles. And keep going with using a push lawn mower and lifting things. We’re good with that, right? And that was this summer. I figure if I don’t workout during the time I’m teaching restricting the calories is smart.

Oh and don’t forget the food portion. Eating between 300-500 calories (usually 300-350). And that’s unintentional I think mostly. Why? Because when I drive. I take a granola bar, a ginger ale in case I get sick, and a pack of saltines. I don’t usually drink the ginger ale, and have half a pack of saltines. I always have mints with me. And if I don’t miss Panera, then it’s just the 100 calories soup, mostly.

So, yes. I have an ED and will start out patient treatment soon since I still have to make a living and can’t take time off. Got to love the cost of living. I have an ED as a person who weighs 235lbs. And then I get angry at those who can lose weight and I can’t. I did the diets too. I have the right food. But I don’t cook for me anymore. I don’t want too.

Why start a blog? Because I need to vent. I need a place to just….come to terms with it. And see the progress. Loads of things come to my mind that I didn’t know or that I could have. Finally, to share a story I suppose. Even if you don’t read it.

You’re not alone. Even though that voice makes you feel like you are. You aren’t. Get the help you need. Reach out.

If you are in a crisis and need help immediately, call 988 or continue to contact Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at Crisis Text Line. Crisis Text Line is a separate organization staffed by volunteers who provide free, 24/7 support via text message to individuals who are struggling with mental health, including eating disorders, and are experiencing crisis situations.

And here’s the website if you need more resources. Good luck.

#eating disoder recovery #eating disoder trigger warning #pandemic #anorexianervosa #restrictive diet #avoidant restrictive food intake disorder #excessive workout #just starting out

[hopeless-helpless-heart]

this has truly been one of the best NEDA weeks i have ever experienced. i still havent been to a NEDA walk, and it is still on my list, but having a daily gaze at my body, appreciating where i am in this journey, and knowing it really is up from here is so refreshing, humbling and encouraging. i didn't go through all of the saved photos of when i was sick. i didnt write a letter to my ED. i didnt harp on what life was like when i was sick. i simply existed in this body, and was excited - and yes, sometimes a little intimidated - by the body i am in and the one in my future. i know what it means to just be in my body. i know how my relationship with food impacts various areas of my life. i know that eating when i am hungry will always be the better option. and i feel so good ! i feel cute af. i love it here, and though i am still working through the fear of ever falling back into old habits, i know what life on the other side is truly like, and i wouldn't trade it for anything. i hope you all can one day just exist in your body, no strings attached. it is so freeing to know i am here, this is my body, and we are not at war with each other.

#neda week #love #eating disoder recovery

[findingmypeace]

6/2/2022

I feel like shit because of ed behaviors. I know I am extremely dehydrated so I am trying to sip on sparkling water (hate plain water). I feel really nauseous. I have a migraine. And I have a session in 35 minutes and I am out of zofran for the next week. My insurance only approves 18 zofran pills every 21 days. I have been feeling nauseous so often that I have a week left of that 21 days and I am already out. I have two reglan pills leftover from treatment but that doesn’t specifically work on nausea.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through my session. And then I have supervision directly after that session. I might have to cancel if the nausea gets to be too much and I don’t want to do that to my client. It’s unfair to them that my unhealthy decisions effect their session. As of right now I’m going to try to make it through. I’m trying to rehydrate and I’ve taken some Excedrine as well as my last zofran pill. I’m just mad at myself for doing this yet again. I know I can’t keep doing this. Not only is it dangerous but it is negatively affecting my life.

I met with my dietitian yesterday and she made me drink another Ensure in session. I’m nervous for therapy today. There is so much I want to talk to her about (the NEDA walk/my anger with my Mom/an update on the treatment situation). I’m just worried she’s going to be direct about my ed behaviors and that might mean things could happen that I don’t want to happen. I’m just grateful therapy is my last commitment of the day so whatever happens I don’t have any other obligations.

I really wish last Monday and Tuesday hadn’t happened. I don’t want to get into it because it’s triggering but I started restricting for non-ed reasons and you give the ED an inch and it takes a mile and now I’m in this position. If I could just take back last Monday and Tuesday maybe I wouldn’t be in this position. But like my dietitian said there’s no point in looking backward.

I have ect tomorrow again. I appreciate that I am seeing my psychiatrist. This week has been hard but I’ve also been incredibly numb. We’ll see what he wants to do tomorrow.

#personal #eating disorders #bulimia #depression

[freddie-dressage]

Ayy new year goal list

--

Lead changes:

Get the single changes clean on the diagonal

Play more with the true to counter canter change

Start the 4-1 changes (quarter line, center line, quarter line)

Tests:

Learn 4-1 and maybe 4-3

Start the 4-3 pirouette?

Get the walk pirouette better

Shows:

Finish my last score for my bronze

Figure out if I'm doing 4-3 or 3-3 to go regionals? Maybe?

Go to the away shows, gmha/neda/regional champs?

Try to stay above 64 for fourth level

Big score goal would be a 67 at fourth but we'll see how that goes

General riding:

Continue to improve canter work (stretch the neck out, more engagement, then bringing it back together for collected canter)

Get my legs better and hands quieter still

More small jumping/technical stuff to keep everything interesting and help build topline

Trail ride!

Get half passes (canter and trot) better

Get the trot more expressive

Keep working the different walks

#thats all i got for now #my horse freddie #horseblr #equestrian #dressage #hanoverian #horsblr #equine

[winter-girl-like-me]

Well since MyPlate is shutting down, I switched to MyFitnessPal for counting calories/meal logs.

I don't have a scale because I recently moved to another state and I don't have anything with me besides clothes and books and like a shit ton of DVDs that I can't even watch because there's no DVD player here. 🥺😤

Anyway, I'm just figuring out this new app. Oh, I'm also recently engaged and wedding dress shopping/wedding planning etc. Is really getting me into wanting to starve again, as well as just recently moving and not knowing anyone/anything besides my fiancè and his family/friends is very isolating, as well as living with his mother in a new environment and that's also fueling my control issues so I'm trying to starve as much as I can because... Well, food is the one thing I can control. (oof. It's cyclical.)

Anyways, just an update. I went to a NEDA walk with my best friend/maid of honor two months ago, because I wanted to get the free t shirt and it was pretty comforting and made me really want to work on myself but also I kept looking at the other people and how tiny they looked in their shirts and I wanted to fucking run that whole ass short walk around the park.

But yeah. That's all I wanted to document. Going back to the only comforting coping mechanism I know is refreshing. Because even though I'm lonely here, I have control over myself.

- Winter

#winter-girl-like-me #journal #anorexia #anorexia nervosa #anorexic #eating disorder

[mafiawater]

Are you guys trying to piss Nikki off or pet push a button?

I never did figure out that thing I was being used for meat is that what you said?

Oh yeah I’m sure that you’re so unique and cool cause you’re a Leo right but you’re really just like everybody else so don’t fucking run your cock sucker and tell me to fight what the fuck am I supposed to fight people like you who try to be people like me, but you fail because you’re not nice

I don’t care if somebody cut the brakes to your fucking car or not. I can’t believe the way you came at me years after high school years it’s like get over it I don’t even know what your fucking stalker problem is.

Maybe I do know the button and you know that that can’t be taken back but I didn’t say it

But you know John Rigney thinks you’re awesome and he is of the trash tribe so there there’s that

Amber was the key that let me know that John was of the trash

My bathroom sink

Ashwin

The average trashy male will only give you a gift if there’s another woman to hurt

Yeah, I know I know that was really trashy. Well you know if you ask me you and Mr. Ed though you’re trying seemingly to not be a total piece of shit to my face about it anyway thanks for not saying like I told you so or whatever. Ugh

Gotta rise above.

Poor guys generally will never buy you a pretty thing and they can say oh you don’t love me for me horse shit

Well, of course, Stephanie Bryant got different treatment, but she also assisted in making sure that I almost starved to death. You know that you and Nick could’ve both gone to prison for that you actually still can both go to prison I just realized yeah there is still a federal investigation involving you and Nick

Hey tiger, you probably should tell the truth to the people in law and medicine so that you don’t get your daughter accidentally killed or yourself

Yeah, Nick tried to give me juju hatred. He didn’t even know me. I didnt know him though either really

And I don’t think I want to. He was always a very shallow superficial kind of person and because of it and other things he lost everything he knew it you know what I mean the last time I saw him he was so broken and defeated.

You are defeated. And your neck is gross.

Boy that white privilege it’s not taking care of you or Mark you can taste the nerve damage

Probably why I can’t drink but it’s a blessing people of class already know better I wish that middle class people had been taught in America look you don’t drink excessively and you don’t teach your kids that social drinking is appropriate

Yeah, I know there’s a raspberry swirl thing or whatever but alcohol was never permitted in almost any household that I was at and if I got a baby beer, I was excited

Oh my God I don’t think that a shot of something is going to hurt a little kid. If they are sick go fuck off I hate white people I hate white people because of that shit they try to twist everything around and then trash ass people like Gregg get this idea that if white people do it I should also I guess he’s probably biracial based on his attitude. I wasn’t done yet. I was still talking about Gregg.

He wanted to take some money from the Indian community and of course we all know better. It’s kind of like if I try to walk in this neighbourhood and be like Neda I’m a black ass bitch on this block.

The hell you are

Sometimes you have life experiences that make you kind of intolerant to certain bullshit

#saucy #aboot all those white privileged KY bitches #what privilege though? #Now the guys try for show #See what we gave Brittany #Oh please you only take it away tomorrow

[goddamnwebcomics]

My Brief Review of Console Girl

When I started riffing this comic, I thought it was going to suck, but now that it’s over...this is a special case. A special case among special cases. This is not the worst webcomic I have ever riffed, but it is one of the laziest and one of the most disgusting ones for sure.

PLOT & WRITING

The comic starts off as an innocent ecchi style comic with the titular (for now) console girl with his boy owner living in the moon. Kevin is a hack who plays video games and skips on school, which isn’t approved by his only other friend, Sarah. Emulie ends up getting into wacky hijinks with Sarah and Kevin as they run from R.O.B. cops and then Emulie turns giant, but after that, once Kevin resets Emulie, we learn that the comic so far has been a simulation, and then the real comic begins as we focus on a resistance group fighting against a console takeover. Emulie returns to simulation a couple of times to see the past events for herself, which is a bit clever, but as a whole this twist of it being a siimulation comes out of nowhere and is fucking stupid. I don’t count everyone having numbers in their names as foreshadowing, because you would expect a stupid futuristic setting to have those.

This comic was made during the era of “supposed cutesy thing becomes fucked up” like Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared and Doki Doki Literature Club, so I guess in order to create interest in his comic, Neda went into that direction. The problem is, the comic continues being silly even in the “real world” for the most part. Characters spout out the most boomer-riffic video game references, and sometimes character may dress up as something obscure or fight by using a game that was released into their respective console but that’s about it. You can find more in-depth references in any Strong Bad Email.

Then we have the fact this comic hates to progress it’s main plot, every other chapter there’s a flashback, or a recap or even something that isn’t FUCKING CANON. Even when the plot progresses, either chapters focusing on it are too short, or characters are arguing about pointless shit, or we get introduced to a new character whose only purpose is to please creator’s fucked up fetishes. You know they’re fucked up when I have more respect towards Kraw after this.

CHARACTERS

This comic has a wide cast of characters only 20% of which are necessary to the plot. Our protagonist is Kevin, he’s a fucking perverted asshole who’s responsible for all the bad things in this comic. As a kid he abused his consoles because he couldn’t git gud. He is a horrible person in general, he’s constantly arguing with his girlfriend and his decisions lead to nothing but pain. Once he’s captured he turns into this edgy anti-video game crusader who then proceeds to rape Emulie with his arm. I say that version of Kevin is more faithful to who he really is than the “Resistance Crusader” of the past. I say he’s Neda’s selfinsert, and Neda is secretly angry at the video games making him a worthless evolutionary deadend.

Then you have the second protagonist I guess, Sarah. Sarah was the best character in this comic because she was always calling out Kevin’s shit, but after getting the main focus for the rest of this comic, she turned into an ANGRY resistance leader and a walking JoJo reference. Also because of the fact she fights consoles, she becomes the Console Girl. Did Neda intend this from the beginning what with Sarah being next to the title in the first chapter? Nah, he’s not that clever. At least Sarah has more personality to her than Emulie. When Emulie is not being a boring ass “oh dear oh my” girl, she’s a tantrum throwing manchild who wants everyone to live in harmony.

Then there’s the antagonists, N.O.S and S.N.O.S. N.O.S. continued to be a likable character in this comic until the end, not only does she have clever powers she also hates Kevin but is willing to help Resistance out of spite because she hates her sister. S.N.O.S. is a boring villain who hates humans because Kevin beat her up. She basically took all of N.O.S’s boring traits and revved them up to maximum. She hates humans and makes them play for their food which is probably a commentary on something but it’s also really boring and makes this setting seem lame.

Then we have the rest of the cast, the only notable thing about them is that many of them are little people. Petite started off as the Resistance’s other console, who is controlled by a big guy named Tank, then we start seeing more little Consoles like Virtual Boy girl who calls her owner, another big guy “daddy”, and then you have Game Gir who has eating disorder for no reason and then there’s a bunch of mini-consoles. I don’t like making accusations but considering how little Neda cared about making this comic I’m going to say he’s a lolicon. My proof is all the weird relationships and the fact there’s a Vibibi ass shot in the “Beach comic” special. That’s what this comic ultimately is, a fetish comic. Other characters in this comic include strawman sore loser who later joins the human alliance, perverted old man professor and bunch of people for the resistance. None of them are well-developed, let’s move on.

ART

Neda originally drew this comic, his style was coarse and ugly but it was passable, then, Neda hired an artist named Raf for a few chapters. Her style is decent but not perfect, she overexaggerates in anime features and gives certain characters massive black bags of eyes that make them look like they haven’t slept for weeks. You’ll miss her art however once Neda begins drawing again. His style is bolder and every character gets weird Moomin snouts when they’re seen from a far. Sarah also looks much uglier in his style, not to mention after the comic starts going by more Webtoon-ish format, we start getting off-model closeups.

What is common for both artists however is that they like copypasting a lot. Often entire panel sections are copypasted with only one panel changed to indicate a sudden passage of time. The copypasting gets downright offensive at one point when a fighting sequence is copypasted two and a half times. This made comic seem extra lazy, and on top of all the short chapters, fetish bait, constant recaps and Jojo references, I knew that Neda was on the verge of giving up, and gave up he did.

FINAL WORDS

Well, Console Girl ended on a fucking beach fanservice comic and we haven’t seen the comic since. Neda is likely either in a looney bin or arrested, or, realistically, hidden somewhere in the corners of the internet. This comic got worse as it went on. It felt like it did everything wrong, and successfully pissed off everyone who read it. Those who wanted to see the innocent ecchi comic, those who wanted to see a cyberpunk resistance story and those who wanted to see funny vidya references. One thing I can credit Neda for is the fact he knew when to give up.

#console girl