#no anxiety. no happiness. nothing

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#im uh. well im not doing so well rn #im a touch depressed #im hungry so i opened doordash to order something #but i almost dont want to #because the thought of leaving my bed is so difficult even if im leaving my bed for taco bell #yesterday and today were my weekend and ive been needing to shower for all of those days #but instead of showering today do you know what i did? would you like to know? #i layed down. i layed my head down like i was going to take a nap but i couldnt #so i just layed down with my eyes closed for three hours because i couldnt do anything else #i need to pick up some meds from the pharmacy. i havent been able to do it. i need to do so many things #but all i can do is lay in bed. completely numb. i dont feel a damn thing rn #i have an interview on monday for an opportunity that is really important and exciting. but i dont feel anything #no anxiety. no happiness. nothing #i dont have any anger or sadness or happiness inside of me even though i have so many reasons to feel all of that #but i can't feel. i can't get out of bed. i might call off of work tomorrow #maybe another day off will help me get stuff done. i doubt it but at least i wouldn't have to work #i called off two weeks ago too. i feel like I've become a bit of a disappointment at this job #i really like my boss. he took a chance by hiring me. but I'm probably disappointing him. i did that at my last job too #but this is a shitty job and definitely contributing to my depression #so i dont feel too bad #i might have a bit of a theory #yesterday and the day before yesterday i got a bunch of news that should make me angry and/or sad #really angry and/or sad. but yesterday my numbness started #i think maybe my brain is kind of shutting down all emotions so that i dont have to deal with the big ones i dont want to deal with #thats my theory at least. or maybe my mood stabilizers decided to stop working again. or maybe im not getting enough sun #the way to start healing would probably be to face those emptions but i really dont want to do that #i dont feel like a real person right now

[ionomycin]

Mother of Pearl

#artists on tumblr #seahorses are cute aren't they #how are we coping with the heat wave everyone? #i'm too busy having like three different kind of existential crises #to worry about it being too hot #hot girl summer more like nonstop anxiety summer #pondering the fact that nothing is permanent #can't rely on anything to last #life is just #drifting in a sea of uncertainty #but anyway #happy pride month #be gay #eat ice cream #don't think about your mortality

[caelanglang]

… I finally collected my guts to catch up with Akai angst… suddenly ao3 went down…

@itotypes I think the universe is telling me something……

anyways drawing this to cope… I’m sorry it’s bad and messy……

#I tried taichi poses for water bending and the tiger palm for fire bending #idk how accurate it is I’m sorry #I tried. #I haven’t animated for so long it’s so bad and rusty #battling posting works I’m not happy with and tagging people on the internet anxiety at 1am is my new demons #glad my tumblr stuffs are so obscured tho #if anyone sees this :3 hi thanks for dropping by #bsd #skk #Akai by itotypes #my art #sketch #art video #animation #woohooo self esteem hitting rock bottom again nothing new

[hyakunana]

"Were you even listening? How many reports, Ikora? How many times did I tell you what I saw?"

#destiny #destiny 2 #destiny the game #destiny art #bungie #ikora rey #exo stranger #elsie bray #season of the witch #fanart #i say 'season of the' and you guys complete 'lesbian drama' alright #i already filled my obligatory hive!eris drawing ok check dark future chap 5 #in case this isn't obvious this is an elisabeth bray appreciation blog in disguise #and whatever mad decision she makes after this season is valid including idk sHOOTING HER OWN SHIP AT THE HELM TO STOP THIS MADNESS #ok but srsly tho rites of passage page 2 gave me some extra life and anxiety for the plot future xckvnkvn #my favorite part of season of the witch is shutting up everyone who had the audacity to look at me and say 'we already stopped the df' #lbr we will prevent it sure but the key word is //WILL// and im so happy this season proved my point #bungie loves planting plot points through lore text and they didnt write a whole collection of dark future timeloops for nothing

[inkly-heart]

Do you have a group discord server? If others want to chill and interact with you. Just wondering

That aside just hoping you’re doing okay Blastic. Still, if you’re not your gotta a lot people care about you.

I look forward to seeing how the rest of the game goofs.

—goofball anon

I don't and sadly I don't think I will make one. It would be fun to interact with people who enjoys my work and wants to chat with me but I just feel it would be too much work for me to handle a discord server. So at least for now I'm not planning to make one.

#and how I've been doing?? #there been ups and downs #maybe bit better?? At least compared to what it was when this month started #I felt so numb for some reason #I just wanted to lie in bed and do nothing because nothing was making me happy. Not even drawing or playing games #I do still get these kind of days but it hasn't been that bad and I have got some amount motivation back to draw again at least #wanting to play games though still have been very low #but I'm taking small steps #I'm also sorry for not having much good news and that I've been so quiet nowadays #I just been struggling a lot what to say and anxiety isn't making things any easier #but I want to thank everyone who are still here hanging around and enjoying my work #even though I have these struggles I'm happy that you guys still want to support me<33 Thank you<33 #not sure did I word these right but I tried my best #and I will also do my best not to give up and keep on going 🌱 #ask #anon

[ensigntilly]

culmets officially confirmed to be married in star trek discovery s5 i just collapsed onto the floor

#my post #star trek discovery #star trek discovery spoilers #culmets #i knowww it was vaguely hinted at in s2 but i wanted something more concrete #its actually embarrassing how happy this has made me likeeee i had to pause the episode to process #I've waited 7 years to hear anthony rapp say one fucking line and now i can die happy #anyway unfortunately i have to pause watching the rest of the episode to go write my dissertation lmao #i got like 30 minutes into the episode before the academic anxiety of doing Nothing hit me

[pogostikk]

how does Steven feel about earth animals once gets to earth with Connie? Are they something new to him or has he seen things like them before?

Steven had never seen any organic creatures besides humans before he went to Earth, pretty much everything having to do with that planet was a bit of a culture shock, but he does love all the different creatures.

His favorite animal is probably Lion, maybe because the lazy pink feline reminds him of Star (Lion’s mane feels the same as Star’s hair)

#steven universe #su au #human steven #pink steven #when Star goes to earth and finally has no Homeworld responsibilities #his life will nothing but long naps with lion #and he’s happy about that #oh no the human child has separation anxiety #someone go find his alien dictator (not really) dad

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[ganonfan1995]

2022 - 2023 has been such a traumatizing and painful time period for me. I say this every year, but I’m going to work extra hard investing into myself and my craft!

Learning to write has been such a fulfilling outlet so far and I really hope to have something complete to show for at the end of this journey. I have to remind myself that picking up new skills is a process and every step forward is a step to improvement!

I’ve always dreamed of being able to tell stories and I really want this year to be the year I make that happen.

#im constantly worried that the work i produce is bad or that ppl are secretly judging my stories and ideas #but i need to have more faith in myself #as long as im happy with what i create nothing else should matter #because the process stops being fun when im adjusting my own tastes to others #i have so much baggage abt art and social anxiety but i gotta learn to own it

[tiny-vermin]

i just did an interview for something really important and i think it was hot garbage and im so scared . ive been looking forward to this for . 2 years now . fuck my life .

my mind is pliable rn so im going to fake myself into thinking it was all really good

#rant #arhg #scared and filled with anxiety #okay here are my POSITIVE THOUGHTS. #evberything goes my way and nothing can go wrong in life #i have worked so hard and put in so much effort #the universe will grant me the best option #i infuse the world with so much joy and laughter #the jury loves me and will be nice to me #i did NOT fumble the interview. i did so well and i presented myself clearly #my camera and mic not working did NOT set me back 1082939 paces #it did NOT make me panic and worry for my life and sanity #i am so knowledgable of the topics and they are so happy they allowed me to do the interview

[curiouschaosstarlight]

Oh boy it sure is nice not being alloromantic/allosexual enough to be "normal" but also not aromantic/asexual enough to be a good aromantic/aspec person (:

Sure is nice to finally have a community I totally fit into, everyone is SO welcoming

#chaotic rants #“there's no platonic explanation for this!” there is actually #“when are you gonna get a date/get married/have kids?” never #“let's get you fixed up so you and your boyfriend/girlfriend can have sex! ^w^” “i dont have one” “oh im sure you'll find one :0” #“i dont want a significant other and i never will” “oh that's just your anxiety talking. it'll go away once your anxiety's cured!” #vs #“ugh all these allosexuals are SO OBSESSED with shipping” #“are allosexuals okay” #“not EVERYTHING has to be a ship” #“if you ship a canonically aro character you're erasing the representation and are evil and should be hurt/killed” #vs... #“who cares about the lore of this game? what if the characters just fuck and nothing else” #“lol that character isnt het/bi that makes no sense!” it has canonical proof/is obviously shipteased all the time but okay #“lol that character isnt bi/pan that makes no sense!” it's not contradicted by canon even the tiniest bit but okay #-finally finds a character that's ACTUALLY similar my experience being aroaspec- #-that character is the butt of every joke and a mockery of me and everyone like me as people- #“yeah the 'aroace character is obsessed with food' thing is an annoying stereotype! but it's all you're getting so be happy about it :)” #“lol this character that is canonically het and is constantly sexually harassed is actually canonically aroace.” #“what? you find that offensive and uncomfortable? fuck you im asexual and i get to decide what is and isnt canonically aroace” okay #“you think this other character is canonically aroace? uhhhh no you're wrong that's an offensive stereotype idiot” #-it's the one character in the entire canon that's literally never shown any attraction to anyone else- #“this character was turned aroace by this other character. even tho this is offensive with any other sexuality it's totally fine here!” #“also yes you're a bad person if you ship this character even though they're only aroace in fanon” #“here's our webcomic where everyone's gay or trans or both! ...what? sorry there's no aro or ace or aroace characters in this.” #“fuck you if you were hopeful there would be” #vs!! #“oh everything in fiction is a person's idealized reality!” #“shipping is everyone's idealized romantic/sexual relationship!” #“if you like this in fiction then you like it and want it to happen in reality!”

[eyluvu]

One fun fact about me is I constantly feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a panic attack

#god its not even like- its just like constant pressure on my chest #and then nothing comes from it which is really annoying because it means its just constant and nobody can really tell #the only 'good' thing about panic attacks is it shows how I genuinely feel on the inside and so people will take me more seriously #but I haven't had one for months and I'm very happy about it #(I am traumatised from one of them. those like constant memories and the physical feelings that resurface?? ew!) #its alr tho #my medication doesnt work #omw to find meth dealers #PAHAHA jokesssss! #im a pussy anyway dw x #vienna rants #anxiety #anxiety disorder #panic attack

[shima-draws]

There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school

#Hmm. Feels awful!! #Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this. #IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time. #I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am! #I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!! #Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN #Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j #Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids #Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years: #SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26. #Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you #My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!! #I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD #Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it #*over #Shima speaks #Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO

[quirkle2]

question!

i've been wanting to stray away from lu for a while now and do my own thing with wars n ledge and the rest of the links (mainly bc i feel restricted by jojo's rules/don't agree w her takes, and wanna pursuit my own stuff), but there's one big thing holding me back, and that's lack of views to put it bluntly

if i make my own au and don't tag its content as #lu, then it will most definitely get a fraction of the attention my lu content does. and i know it sounds self-centered of me to worry abt something like that, but i put months of work into the fics i post. i put days of work into each art piece i post. if i work on something for months and then 10 people on ao3 read it and an astounding 0 of them even leave a comment, that will be Devastating to my motivation And confidence

what im asking y'all is this: should i finally make my own au to separate myself from lu and risk the plunge in notes, or should i stay in the lu fandom and suffer?

#qktalks #i feel like my links are far enough apart from lu's canon to justify this #ESPECIALLY my wars #my wars is Nothing like lu wars; he's silly and goofy and not at all serious #not even accounting for the fact that he Looks completely different design-wise i think he's pretty far from canon lu now #my sky design is Nothing like lu sky's and i have my own characterizations of him despite not posting abt it much #to put it bluntly once again i wanna post stuff of them all cuddling and being a family without dipshit lu fans coming in and correcting me #so far it's only happened like Once but the fear and anxiety of being ridiculed is still very much apparent #im afraid to post stuff. i don't wanna be afraid to post stuff #i wanna have my own au where i have my Own rules #and i wanna be in a fandom that doesn't fuckin suck VGIEAYGV #but im terrified of switching over and out of the fandom bc then my stuff won't be viewed at all #and without reblogs of my art and comments on my fics i have a feeling i will simply stop producing anything altogether #i know the whole ''u should make art for yourself'' thing but . it's no fun if nobody else is gonna see it yaknow ? #i wanna show other people what makes me happy and maybe make them happy in the process #that's hard to do when u don't tag ur posts w a popular fandom tag that everybody searches through #idk . willing to hear anybody's takes on this

[borealopelta]

i think flirting would be generally easier if i didn't do it over text messages and the person knew i was flirting with them and i was good at flirting and wasn't so so scared of everything all the time

#happy 2 report that i'm still everyone's awkward middle school classmate #realising some things about myself or whatever #i have ANXIETY i'm a LOSER and i'm INTIMIDATED by the concept of dating someone. nothing can go wrong! #veni veni

[ohmnnnezz]

patpran are coming back

#ohm #nanon #ohmnanon #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #MY PATPRAN ARE COMING BACK #my anxiety was so high yesterday i wasnt celebrating as much but it has hit me our patpran are coming back #i mean its just an episode but im happy its better than nothing #gosh i miss them so much #ohmnanongifs