#really angry and/or sad. but yesterday my numbness started

[lvlyghost]

Hi I just read your “The Things I Never Said” oneshot and loved it. Can I get a kind of opposite version where Simon wishes to be a dad but the reader never wants to be a mom so she freaks out and gets an abortion with out Simons knowledge and later he somehow finds out? Maybe angst to fluff? Totally ignore this if you dont want to, have a wonderful day/night.

The Things I Wish I Said

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: You decide to end things with Simon after what you did.

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: hurt, comfort, angry simon, angst, implied abortion. Not proofread.Think that's it but lmk if i missed anything!🐸

A/N: here it is! I hope this doesn't disappoint and that it lives up to your expectations 😰🤞🏻 I really enjoyed writing this one and since it's similar to my previous fic decided to name it quite similar. ✨💞

Masterlist✨Masterpost

He doesn't know. You stare at Simon's gargantuan body as he barks orders to the new recruits. Things have been rather... tense lately. And it's all because of you.

Yesterday had taken a toll on you. A big piece of your heart and soul lost forever in that godamn clinic. You can still smell the perfume of the nurse, feel the hands of the doctor as he tried to comfort you. You're deadly pale, tired and numb. That's why you're sitting on the other side of the field, watching the rest of your team training as usual. Nothing changes for them. You on the other hand? Can't even look at Simon in the eyes. Not anymore. The one thing he wanted the most was also the one you were the most reluctant to. It just wasn't you.

You didn't have it in your DNA. To be a mother. To carry a baby in your arms. And not because you're selfish, but you had decided a long time ago that having children was off the table.

Even when everybody would say 'you'll change your mind when you find the one'. Well it was a blatant lie because you found him. You loved Simon. You'd do whatever he asked of you. Just not this. And you hate yourself for it.

You lied to him and didn't mention anything. Didn't tell him you were pregnant with his offspring.

Couldn't even bare to maintain a conversation with him. And he's starting to notice the way your body startles when he reaches out to you. How you avoid his gaze or not kiss him anymore.

"Feeling better?" He questions, strong arms crossed. Simon doesn't fully look down where you sit but side eyes you. He awaits. You're looking out to the field, ignoring his presence as you swallow the lump in your throat.

"Not really, Lieutenant." You simply add, in a hushed tone.

He sighs but doesn't move, starting to lose his patience. He's trying so hard to understand why you're acting like this. He's preoccupied. Anxious. Yet doesn't let it show, remaining stoic as ever.

"Wanna talk about it, Sergeant?" Biting down on your lip and fidgeting with your hands you shake your head. Simon rubs his face, annoyed that whatever the fuck is happening is driving the both of you apart, so he sits down on the bench next to you. "What is it?" He turns his head to you. Arms resting on his knees.

"Simon..." you warn him with a sad tone.

"No. That's an order."

"Sir, we're done here..." One of the recruits shouts from the other side.

"You bloody keep going until I tell you to stop!" He seethes, making you flinch.

Resting your head on your hands, start thinking about the inevitable. About what you're going to do. Your heartbeat racing when you feel his eyes on you again.

"Simon..." you say. "I... I- don't think we should be together right now." It hurts deep inside because all that's left is the rustling of wind and the voices of the soldiers around. You don't turn to see his reaction, probably wouldn't be able to stand it. It's not because you didn't love him. In fact, you loved him more than he could imagine. It's what you did behind his back what's eating you alive. And the best way you can seem to cope with it is to leave him.

Not a sound comes from him for the next few seconds. Until you finally find the courage to look his way. Blue eyes scan your body.

"As you wish, kid." He whispers. You can't see it but he's already spiraling down to a dark place.

The one good thing he had...

-

"I've had enough!" Soap's voice booms in the hallway and then your door bursts open. You shriek, standing up from the bed. "I can't stand it anymore lass. You've gotta talk to him." He says.

"Johnny... we've talked about this." You murmur.

"No. I'm being serious! Ghost is more irritated than usual, he almost punched me for saying he needed to get laid. The bloody hell happened to you both?" His eyebrows furrow. "You need to figure this out, otherwise..."

"It's complicated." You deadpan.

"Well then bloody make it right! Steaming fucking Jesus you two acting like fucking children. Grow the hell up."

You had never seen Johnny this mad.

Of course you were aware of Ghost's attitude since you two broke up. And it's only been three weeks. You've been attending the military counselor since then, it's a sorrowful feeling when you think about Simon, while you talk about him. About what led to the end of your relationship or whatever it was that you two had going on.

"I believe what you went through was hard and painful. But I do think that he deserves an answer." she had insisted. "He needs to know."

It was easier said than done. Every time you thought about going to his room or wherever he'd be you got this uneasy feeling, like he somehow despised you now. That all the soft smiles and gentle caressing that were once just for you had turned into frowns and harsh commands. Dismissing you whenever you showed up to training. Not even making eye contact during debriefs. Walking right past you in the corridor. You can't help but wonder if the baby's eyes would've been more like him or yours.

Stop.

The counselor said it was a type of ptsd and that therapy would help you get through it.

"The first step is to let yourself feel that pain, make amends with it, and then go see him."

"I'll try to talk to him Johnny. I promise." You murmur, jaw clenching.

The mere thought of going to speak to Simon made your hands sweat and your heart beat frantically.

Three days after the conversation with Soap, you stand in front of Simon's bedroom door. Blinking rapidly as your mind races with all the things you ought to say. It's almost one in the morning, unable to sleep you decided the conversation couldn't wait any longer. You couldn't wait anymore. Swallowing down saliva you raise your hand, two soft knocks on the door echoing in the empty hallway and you wait patiently, fumbling with your hands as the anxiety begins to raise.

Simon doesn't open so you knock again two times only to be greeted by more silence and a loud thunder outside in the sky.

A quiet huff leaves your mouth as you turn on your heel and leave. Wandering around the compound with no clear direction. It's dead silent, you're left with your own self destructive thoughts as you walk past the gym. A low thud can be heard from behind the doors so you backtrack and take a glimpse through the window.

Why is he at the gym at this ungodly hour?

Pushing past the door you walk sluggishly, Simon's quick to notice the disturbance, ready to snap at whomever is here to interrupt his midnight routine. It's been like this for weeks now; not being able to sleep. The nightmares that had disappeared for the most part came back with full force.

There's a hollow feeling inside of him ever since you decided to call it quits. He doesn't fucking understand, he's mad. Furious even. Can't help the anger whenever he wakes up and you're not there anymore. Can't bear the sight of you during debriefings and not even looking his way. The way you freeze when he has to order you around.

Had he done anything to make you fearful of him?

He needed to know, he needs answers. He'd ask tomorrow. He swears. Whatever it was. Then he'll walk away.

He stands from where he was about to start the second round of push-ups. Simon's able to recognize your silhouette with the lights off, he just knows you that well. Wherever you were, in a sea full of people he'd know it's you even then.

"Sorry..." you murmur. Simon's looking at you over his left shoulder through the mirror in front of him, you stand a few steps behind him. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

He stays silent. It's now that you come to realize that he isn't wearing the mask, instead lies on the room floor, discarded. "Was looking for you in your room but-"

"Say it." He barks, turning around and stalking towards you. His presence alone making you feel smaller. His brows are knitted, jaw clenched so hard you're sure he'll break his teeth. Simon is massive. Yet, despite all of this you know he'd never lay a finger on you, nor hurt you. "Fucking start talking, kid." The hurt in his voice is palpable. You fumble with your hands, it's getting harder to keep your eyes on his. You do not deserve his love at all. "Because I've been losing my mind ever since you shut me out."

A soft wail escapes your lips, you try to muffle it. Simon hesitates for a second. Wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, he awaits.

"I... I- got pregnant." You cried. "And you've always known I never wanted that. I panicked and didn't say a word because it would be more painful or...-" you swallow through incessant tears. "Or so I thought. I decided to get rid of it, Simon. But seeing what's done to us. What I've done... I'm so fucking sorry I don't deserve-"

Suddenly you're engulfed by strong arms and a broad chest as you finally let go and cry rivers of pain and regret. He's murmuring sweet things in your ear that you can't understand die to your deteriorating situation.

"It's okay. It's okay, love. Fucking hell, should've come to me." He growled. "Don't you ever do this to me again, kid. You didn't have to do it alone. Christ."

There's a soft kiss on the top of your head as your cries start to die down and all there's left are soft whimpers.

"I never meant to leave you, but I couldn't be close to you after what I did behind your back." You sniff.

The ever gentle caressing of his thumb on your back never ceases, providing the comfort you so desperately seek.

"S'alright, love. Nothing to be sorry about." He takes a step back keeping you at arms length. "There she is." A little broken but starting to be pieced back together. He gently wipes your cheeks and breathes deep. "I'm here. Always."

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod ghost #cod mw22 #call of duty ghost simon riley #simon riley imagine #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #ghost riley #mw2 ghost #ghost imagine #simon riley x you #simon riley #cod simon riley #cod simon ghost riley #john price #john price x reader #cod konig

[howlingday]

Okay, how about another funny/sad one-shot? (Blame VOL. 9 for my muse swings)

One where Jaune’s semblance isn’t about healing/amping people with aura, but that he can only numb and take away their pain?

Of course it starts off all silly with Nora “pimping” Jaune out as a walking Icy-Hot Patch and raking in cash, but then things slowly get serious.

Students haggling/bribing Jaune for a quick & easy fix to deal with their depression, despite how uncomfortable it makes him. Professional hunters looking for Jaune after their missions go wrong because he can keep their friends stabilized.

And worst of all...the children’s hospitals.

Because Jaune KNOWS why the staff – why so many parents – NEED him there…

And so he does.

Because children, especially DYING children, shouldn’t have to suffer if Jaune can help it…

And when things get too hard, too REAL, for Jaune to continue?

Teams JNPR & RWBY are waiting right there willing to pick up the pieces that Jaune’s too weak to carry.

FEELS SO NUMB

"Jaune's home~!"

Jaune trudged into his room after a long day at his part-time job. Nora excitedly skipped next to him as he put his backpack down. She smiled at him. He couldn't muster the strength to smile back. He made his way into the bathroom, not even saying hello to his team.

"So... how much money do you think he made?"

"Nora." Ren chided.

"What? I'm just curious how my plan turned out."

"You mean how you were selling Jaune off as a local anesthetic to the highest bidder?" Pyrrha said, glaring from her desk.

"Hey, it's not my fault his semblance is literally a painkiller!" She put a finger to her chin. "Kinda surprised we didn't notice sooner, since he was always getting back up from Cardin's beating after he unlocked it."

"Well, I'm more surprised how you found him work outside the school." Ren said. "And with the approval of Professor Ozpin too."

"Well, I'm a bit of a businesswoman, Renny," she winked, "you knew that~!"

A knock came at the door. Ren opened it to find Ruby standing with a scowl on her face. "Is Jaune here?"

"He's in the bathroom." Ren answered. "Is there something we can help you with?"

"Yang and Weiss are fighting, and we were hoping he could-"

"It doesn't work that way, and you know it." Pyrrha said in a near snarl.

"S-Sorry, but Blake and I don't know what to do!" She rubbed her arm. "It's like ever since Jaune's been... uh, helping out, everyone at school has been acting really, really angry. It's like unless Jaune uses his semblance, people can't act normally around here anymore."

"Well, he's busy cleaning off from his super important job today!" Nora said with a beaming smile. "And they paid a mint, too!"

"Really?" Ruby asked. "Was it Uncle Qrow again?"

"Nah, he already came by yesterday. Today he was working at Vale General!"

"The hospital?" Ren asked. "What would they need him for?"

"Something about feet or another." Nora shrugged. "Like, something about pedal tricks."

The room was dead silent, save for the sounds of the shower in the bathroom. There was a soft thumping inside, too, but that subsided to silence once more after a few seconds. Suddenly, the room seemed to bend and wave and creak. Pyrrha stood from her desk.

"Pediatrics?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's it!" Nora shouted. "It was kinda weird sounding, but after they said it was for kids and cars in jeans, I kinda just went with it. Must have been mental hospital, righ-"

"JAUNE! JAUNE, OPEN THIS DOOR!" Pyrrha screamed as she smashed her fist against the door, Ruby running up to join her. The smaller of the two tried jiggle the door handle to open.

"Nora..." Ren gulped. "Do you know what carcinogenesis means?"

"...No, but that sounds like what the hospital people wanted Jaune for."

Ren took a deep breath, then told her. Pyrrha and Ruby were shoved out of the way, and the bathroom door came crashing down. Jaune was curled under the running water, softly sobbing. On the shower wall, a red smear stained the tiles. They pulled him out of the water, wrapping him in a towel, but he didn't respond to any of it. He just continued to sob and rub himself in a sort of self-hug.

"They'll be okay. They'll be okay. They'll be okay."

#rwby #jaune arc #my answers #my answer #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #anesthetic arc #anesthetic arc au #ruby rose #lie ren #rwby au

[cato616]

NEGOTIATING OVER US (part six)

notee: am i exaggerating for doing so many parts? cuz they're not that long lol i just want to post them as fast as I can my badd 😣

summary: you're trying to figure out how to fix things with roman, one thing for sure, you don't want to become big red hulk at him again, although, it does feel you got swallowed by sadness, and not because of roman specifically.

content/warning: a combination of angst and fluff, emotional crisis, coping with the moral, every day struggles?

Full sunshine once again. You feel it hitting your face; you slowly begin to open your eyes although is hard knowing that the sun is blocking your sight. You lift yourself up and stayed sitting on top of your bed.

You didn't wake up the whole night, you slept through the pain you felt from yesterday. You looked around you; it looked a bit messy. You felt quite numb, the sunshine tho, the sunshine was good for you, really sunny day fortunately.

You decided to get out of bed, you couldn't stay there any longer. Every step you made from your morning routine, decided to do them very slowly. Put on some nice music to lift your spirit up, while brushing your teeth, have breakfast and then finally changing clothes.

You leave your place, at last, and bravely now going to work. You take the subway, full of people today; sadly though, you start to think again.

i hurt him

it wasn't that bad, or was it

hope he's okay

am i allowed to care about him? why wouldn't I?

i feel like they can hear my thoughts- 'You have arrived to the next stop, please mind the gap'

You walk out of the subway station and head to the coffee shop.

"Hey!" You see someone making signals from a distance, and it's Liza trying to waive you from a far, from the café. You finally get closer to her right outside the shop. "Hey, shit y/n what happened? you're never late, thank god you give spares keys, if not, i couldn't have open up the café." Liza seemed like agitated, kinda worried. "yeah sorry Liza i didn't give a heads up" You were so sad that you kept on looking down like a sad puppy. "hey, so tell me, what happened..." Liza asked a bit distressed. "Something... weird, and hard to explain i-" you paused for a second, wasn't sure if you should tell the whole thing or not, didn't want an opinion, just wanted someone to tell you that you were not crazy and it was all gonna be okay; still, you didn't know if Liza was going to give you the answer you wanted or not so, "never mind, but yes, something came up that made me feel very down today, can't think completely straight." you decided to not tell the whole truth. "hey hun, I'm sure it will pass, it will go away, if you want me to promise, I'll promise you." Liza gives a warm hearted response. "long story short, i hate... society? I hate the world, i can't escape my mind." However you do speak part of your truth about it out loud to her. "amen to that" she chuckles a bit, and now you with here, by finally smiling to each other out of comfort. "but seriously, I'm here for you" You shrug then smile at her while nodding. "i know liza, thanks. Now let's get back to work." You added by then smirking.

Working at your café is the only thing that it could keep your mind distracted for a while. But i guess, it didn't last that long. "yeah sure we have that cake would you like that with-" While you were taking the order, you hear your little doorbell making the sound that someone came in, so you turn your head to take a glimpse. "hey... um, i don't know." Roman showed up to your café, and you were taken by surprise, you didn't know how to react, if either happy or angry; on the other hand, roman seemed really tensed. You looked over him, words can't come out of your mouth, you slightly turn to your costumers, "of course, your order will come up now." You smile at them and then shifting your eyes back to roman, you try to avoid him, and honestly you had work to do, so you kept on doing your job; deep down, you wanted to talk to him. "i know you don't want to see me right now but-" i did, i did want to see you, you think, but your face was still neutral, keep on taking orders and such, like if he's not there. "-but i was wondering if we could, talk." After he said that, you turned your whole body to him, didn't know what face to put, what was he going to interpret based on it. "We can" You speak to him finally, still very serious. "after my shift" you clarify. He doesn't says anything, he just nods.

Your shift has ended now, and roman has been waiting all this long. You both sit at a table there on a corner, to get a bit of more privacy. You didn't start to talk, he took the initiative.

"So... um" you sensed his voice was breaking for a split second, and couldn't help but to frown a little bit. oh roman. He then clears his voice and stars to talk again, couldn't look at you that long tho. "So, i know that last night, was not, right... i made a mistake, and honestly, that kind of situation happened to me, before um... yeah basically there's something wrong with me" He chuckles. "Dad said I'm disgusting, frankly, everyone thinks I'm disgusting, and now you do as well, and i get it...." he takes a big breath, while looking down at the coffee he ordered. "if I'm being honest, i don't know why I'm like that, it's not like i do it purposely, or maybe i do, i don't know" He didn't say anything more after that; you were completely unsettled by his speech, in shock almost, you felt really bad, your eyes were practically wide open, as well as your mouth, trying to found the right words, but he suddenly cuts off and fired up again.

"And i think you were probably wondering why am I telling you this... The people that i know that as far as I know care about me, is my family, but other than that, ugh, bad reputation i guess... but you, you said once that you didn't hate me, and maybe i got, too excited by that i believe" Still can't make any eye contact. "And it's been a while since I heard someone saying that they didn't want me to be burned alive" he chuckles once again. "And possibly, while you, not being part of anything corporate as i know it, made me feel at ease, so i think that's why I get carried away with you... like now, taking about fucking... feelings" he smirks. "yeah, i do strangely like you, and not!... not like last night, nothing like that." He looks at your eyes. "i like like you..." he grins at the situation and laugh trying not to making awkward. "Jesus i feel like im in middle fucking school" he smiles, but anxious to hear your response.

You're now realizing how pretty his eyes get when the some sunshine would get on his face, you were mesmerized. However, no words were coming out of your mouth, you didn't believe this kind of confessionary; it was too much for you, you didn't know why, you hate the fact you were like this. You could see he was getting a bit heartbroken, you didn't want to hurt him.

Something like this happened before.

Your friend, best friend, the one you had your same dreams, like the café; the one you shared everything with... everything, everything, everything... everything was too much at times, it didn't do well with her.

So now you're stuck on a trauma, can't tell everything

You were moveless. blank mind, although there was some words that wanted to get out, i like you too. But it didn't. He didn't look that happy, hidden with a fake smile, he tried tho, but it looked like he would tear up again.

"Okay, fair, but you know, i don't give up easily, that's... daddy trauma, trying to make him proud and blah blah blah, but i am ironically not joking" he laughs, by then smacking his lips to make his proposal. "i want to... invite you, to a party my brother Connor's doing to celebrate, i don't know something s-stupid about politics but, I'm hoping i will see you there."

You stared at him, in complete silence. At of nowhere he stretched out his hand to you, remembering that time you awkwardly tried to stretched out his, and there he was, waiting for your response. "... please" he whispered. And so you you stretched your hand; your fingers touched each other skins, and you wanted this moment to last forever. He takes his hands back while standing up and makes you zone back in to reality.

"i will be waiting for you, at the party" He always pauses to wait for a response but you don't give what he wants still. He nods understanding your position; you were feeling strained. He didn't leave just yet, he was still standing next to you, and you were feeling shameful looking down at the table, then you see, his hand, his fingers slightly touching the wood, near you; it's like a non-verbal and non-physical way to say goodbye if he doesn't see you later that day at the party.

He wanted to hug you at most, and so did you. He takes his hand back again, he exhales through his noise quite loudly. "uuh, bye... yeah." He finally leaves; you inhale a big chunk of air and then exhale through your mouth, slowly. What a rollercoaster. But now, you know what to do, you're definitely going to that party.

I don't hate you roman, I'll be there, i promise.

continue.

#roman roy #roman roy x you #roman roy x reader #roman roy fic #succession #succession fic #fem reader #angst #light angst #fluff #fluffy #part six #fanfic

[livauthentic]

The beginning.

Is it considered the beginning when this is my millionth day one? Lord knows. I guess if I were to really start breaking things down - the true beginning, was when I had my first drink at 14. From there, I was just sliding down the slope until my inevitable crash and burn. The frog slowly boiling to death without even recognizing it was happening until it was too late.

I guess, this is the beginning of the end. The end of life as I knew it. In the last handful of months, I've lost the man that I thought the love of my life. My health, and all the capabilities that I took for granted. The dog who I called my soulmate, who loved me through many tears and breakdowns. The house I was proud of, the first place that felt like a 'home' in my adult life. On top of all that, I've had to grieve these transitions without my mom. The pain of missing her, despite not being new, somehow feels as fresh as though it just happened yesterday.

I've never been good with change. In fact, it would be most honest to say that I am very, very fucking bad with change. So, it makes sense that I drank to cope. I'm angry, sad, disappointed, but still - it makes sense. I can give myself that. It makes sense, and it's okay. I was coping the only way I knew how. As much as alcohol is a soul-sucking, life-ruining drug... it works. It numbs. So many people wouldn't be addicted if it didn't.

Not sure the point of this post, but it helps. Writing. So I'm going to keep doing it.

I'm a cucumber that's officially pickled and there's no going back. Tried hard to re-cucumber myself for months, but no bueno. Pickled.

So onwards we go...

#sobriety #sober #mental health #mentalheathawareness #depression #alcohlism #alcohol

[crmsnmth-journal]

1/12/2024

10:44 PM

I wanted to make this a daily thing again, but it seems I can't do that. I mean, I think my dad dying is a pretty good excuse for my lapse in keeping a journal. I wrote my memorial and I'll add it here after I finish today's entry. I shared it yesterday and I forget what it's like to have support. So many condolences, and weirdly compliments on my writing. It's truly bitter sweet.

“I haven't said much of anything publicly. Things still feel unreal.

As some may know, but most don't, last week, I lost my father. It was both expected and unexpected at the same time. I think that's how a lot of deaths are. You could know everything, right down to the second your soul left, and it would still come as a shocking surprise every single time. And of course, that's one phone call you never really want to hear.

Emotions fly high when something like this happens. It takes you on a roller-coaster. I'm sad and depressed. Of course, I am. I lost my dad. I'm no machine. But I'm also angry, so very angry. I'm angry because there's no justice in something like this. I'm angry because I feel ripped off. At other times, I'm numb. Sometimes even feeling guilty and not sure what it was that I had done wrong. The wonders of grief.

I'm going to miss him. A lot. I think that's pretty normal, isn't it? I've known him my entire life. Death, even when peaceful and easy to slip into, is always violent. It's not violent for the dying or deceased. It's violent for those of us who are left behind. It strangles us with choked words as we find comfort in our family and friends and selves. It rips your heart out from your chest with an unmatched force, leaving behind nothing but a black hole where your organ once was. It breaks your bones as you drop down to the floor. It blinds you with saltwater tears that start to roll down your cheeks. Death is violent. Silent violence.

Grief is weird. Grief is such a universal, yes completely personal experience. We all deal with grief, or if we haven't yet, we will. Everybody must face grief at some point in their life. And even with that fact, it's all down to who a person is on how they deal with it. Some dive headfirst into work for a distraction. Others drink until they pass out. A few go into isolation to face it alone. And then there's me. I write.

I wrote a letter or two to him. Things I wanted to talk to him about, or songs I had stashed away to show him. I wrote to him, and it actually helped me feel a little bit better. So that's what I have to face grief and death. I face it with a pen in one hand and a college-lined notebook in the other.

My dad and I's relationship was never perfect or all that conventional, but that's ok. It worked for us and who we were as people. I have plenty of absolutely wonderful memories with my dad, and it's in those memories how I'll remember him. Fishing in the lake by his apartment. Going to see Motley Crue in Milwaukee. The camping trips. The visits to his house. Playing guitar together. Listening to music at a much too high volume. Canoeing down the Kickapoo only to stop at every sand bar to look for rocks and arrowheads. The list really can go on and on. I choose to remember my dad this way, instead of that dying hospital costume.

My dad was intelligent and eccentric. He'd find new hobbies all the time, and dive headfirst into each one until he learned all he could. He liked what he liked and that's how it was going to be. And that's a trait worthy of looking up too. He never gave a damn what anybody thought of him and he was unapologetically himself. Once again, those are good traits to have, and one's I'm glad he was able to get instilled into me.

It's time's like now where I realize that living in the moment is so very important. All those moments I had with my dad seemed so mundane and whatever as they happened. And all it took was one day, one hour, one minute, one second really and those moments and memories are now sacred ground.

I am forever grateful that his and I's relationship was at a good place. Even that doesn't justify it. Our relationship at one point was strictly through text messages and rarely did we find the time to keep that father son thing going, usually seeing each other for the holidays but that was about it. But as we both grew older, wiser and maybe just a little bit more crazy, that father son bond did return. We were talking. And I visited for a few days this summer. A trip that is now so very important.

He died knowing he was loved, And when you think about it, that's all we really ask for. I think that's a pretty great way to go. Knowing that you were loved. That you were important in so many different lives, be it friends or family. We all said our words to him, hugged him and left the room. And less then a week later, he was gone. We all had our final words with him though. Mine were just "I love you, dad." And with how short that sentence is, I think it's pretty powerful. There was no message better than that.

Now comes the dawn of mourning. The real mourning. The crying at three in the morning kind of mourning. I'm sorry to anyone around me. I am trying to hold it together and most of the time, I'm doing a pretty good job doing just that. But if you see me wiping a tear from my eye. Or quickly changing a song while at work, it is because I'm mourning. I'm learning to live while grieving. I'm learning how to live without a father. And I was not prepared to learn this stuff. There is no textbook or instructions to come with it. You've got to figure that all out on your own. And I'm still figuring that out, but I think I'm getting close.

I'm going to miss him. I mean, I already do. I'm going to miss the talks about severe weather. Or getting a text randomly. I'm gonna miss him through every moment still coming in the life. I wish he would've gotten a chance to meet Milo, but we'll make sure that Milo knows him too.

Nothing feels the same right now. It's surreal. Everything looks the same and everything works as it should, but it feels unreal. Like I've been placed in an alternate world. One where my dad is no longer a constant figure in my life. That one changes, changes everything. And it does it so quickly there's now way to see it. Of course, there is no alternate world. That is my real world now. And for hone long, I really couldn't say.

I think I'll wrap this up. I thought I needed to finish this with a bang. Some last line that really drives home the point I'm making. But then I realized I don't have a point. I just wanted to let go a little bit, and I wanted to talk about my dad for a few minutes.

See you later, Pop. I love you.”

#personal #my writing #writing #journal #my journal #nonfiction

[xexiar]

I’m An Idiot. 9

Ch8 Ao3

——

I still was in disbelief of what just happened. But I couldn’t stop smiling while catching my breath. Especially when Kacchan was smiling back at me. “So, how did I do?”

“That’s now my favorite hoodie.”

Kacchan is so silly. “Even when it’s now soak in sweat and has other bodily fluids on it.”

“Damn it nerd.” I don’t know why but that suddenly had my body responding. And the hoodie did not hide the fact my dick was hard again. Was it normal for a guy to be hard so soon? Is there a limit to this? Or was it because I was a teenager? “So, you like it when I’m mean to you.” The way Kacchan sounded breathless while speaking had my whole body burning up.

Was that an actual turn on for me? Maybe it’s just because it’s him. That just had to be it. I’m simply turned on because he’s Kacchan. “You are Kacchan.” It was nice to hear him laugh.

“So…” I was in the mist on putting on boxers when Kacchan started to speak. “When is my boyfriend coming home?” That was a good question. Since I was no longer feeling or thinking that numbing sadness, I wonder what I was going to do now. I did already agreed to going to Hirakata Park. There’s also other places I would like to see before I leave Osaka. But same time I do want to go back home. Especially when there’s a very amazing boyfriend waiting for me. “Izuku.”

“Oh, right. Hehe.” I finished putting on my boxers and went about grabbing my phone. I went to the room to grab a pillow and blanket, then returned to the closet. Once I had everything settled I looked back at Kacchan. “Would it be alright if I finished spending the week here?”

“All week!” I watched as Kacchan pouted before hugging his All Might doll. “That’s like 5 whole days.” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Was Kacchan really giving me the most cutest pouty face ever? How could I deny such a face? What am I supposed to do?

“You’re being unfair with that face.” He didn’t let up. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

That’s when he held this evil smirk. Damn it. Was that a trap? “I get you all to myself once you come back.”

“Ok, Kacchan.” With that said, we spent the rest of the night chatting away until we fell asleep. This feels nice. Come morning I realized that my phone had died. So, as I set that on the charger, I went about dressing myself. As I did so I couldn’t stop giggling to myself. “Kacchan is my boyfriend. Hehe.”

Just as I had finished putting on socks someone buzzed my suite door. When I opened it I was not surprised to see my friends. But what I was surprised about was how the girls were wearing similar outfits to the workers of yesterday. “Good morning, Midoriya.”

“The plan is over. I’m not going through with it.” The way they all looked confused for a moment before smiling lifted me confused. “Are you not angry?”

“Why would we, ribbit? This whole thing was for you. So, if you decided to not do anything we can’t force you, ribbit.”

“I agree with Tsu. It was getting uncomfortable to watch you panic so much.”

“Did we pushed too far? Is that why you’ve changed your mind?” I looked to Ochako before shaking my head. “So, why did you change your mind?”

At that I felt my face heat up, as I started t fidget with my fingers. I couldn’t even look them in the as I tried to find the right words. Would it even be alright to tell them? Is Kacchan going to tell his friends? Wait! What am I thinking? Of course Kacchan would say something. “Me and Kacchan are now dating.”

“3000 yen from all of you.” I watched as Ochako held out her hand.

“What the hell?”

“Congratulations, Midoriya.” Looked over to Todoroki just as he was being handed money from Ochako.

“What is going on?”

“We may have made a bet, ribbit.” I looked at Tsu, who now was wearing a scarf made by Momo.

“Which was?”

“We were betting if you ended up not following through with the plan, what we thought was the reason. Me and Todoroki were betting it had to do something with Bakugo. Ida bet that it would be because you wouldn’t do sex before marriage. While Tsu and Momo thought it’ll be because of your panic attacks.”

“Rude.”

They all just laughed. “So, what’s the new plan, Deku?”

“Go get dress and we could head to the park.” With everything said and done, I did enjoy the rest of my birthday week. We even got to eat at a fancy restaurant on my birthday. Not to mention, I got to fall asleep talking with Kacchan. This really was the best birthday. Come Saturday, it was time to drive back home. “Todoroki, do you mind doing most of the driving? I’m exhausted.”

“I bet it’s from all those long talks with Kacchan.” I felt my face heat up when I looked over to the giggling girls.

“I don’t mind, Midoriya.” The first half of the 6 hour drive I fell asleep in the backseat, while everyone chatted amongst themselves. And when Todoroki woke me up I almost panicked, until I realized what was going on. As we got out the car, to stretch our legs, Todoroki stood next to me. “Are you planning to leave us at the station that way you could get home sooner?”

“Na. I’ll drop everyone off first.”

“Even though it’ll add about another 3 hours to your trip.”

“Yeah. I picked everyone up. So I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t make sure everyone was home safely.”

“Can we grab some food before we kept going?” I looked over to the girls, as Ochako pointed over to the diner at the end of the parking lot. As we waited for our food, I happened to noticed how Ochako kept avoiding eye contact with me. I wonder why. “So, are you going to tell us who confessed to who first?” Oh, is that really what this is about?

It’ not that I could tell them how that went down, every time they asked. Especially with the situation around it. I haven’t even told Todoroki about that night. “Just drop it, Ochako. The fact that Midoriya even told us him and Bakugo got together should be enough.” Todoroki has been doing that this whole week. Just defending me without me saying a word. I did wondered if he and Kacchan had spoken at anytime after that night.

After all, I was shocked to see that when we had returned from the park the knife was no longer in my trash can. I was hoping to properly cover it when we got back and tell the hotel staff. But sometime between getting ready for the park and returning, the knife just disappeared. And I know for a fact none of the hotel employees were in my room that whole time. Because they always left notecards on the bed when they had been in there to clean.

Thinking about it now, Todoroki has been strangely checking in on me a lot more. From how he wouldn’t leave my room unless I responded with anything other than saying I was fine. He been very clear how important I am to people, even when I sometimes don’t see it. I have asked Kacchan if he spoken with Todoroki, which always end up him arguing how it was his time and didn’t want to talk about anyone else. So, maybe I could assume they did talk.

On the drive back is when the other guys decided to take a nap. Guess I wasn’t the only person exhausted. “This trip was fun.” I nodded as I kept my eyes on the road. “I’m glad Ida agreed to help us out with our fake photos. My parents are still going crazy about if I really did sleep with him.” I couldn’t help but giggle along with Ochako.

“Tell me about it, ribbit. My folks are still saying how they hope this is just a phase.”

“Same here. They really do hope this is just a teenager type of thing and not who I will end up with.”

After another round of laughter I tried to turn up the volume to the road. “Hold on, Deku.” I quickly pulled my hand away before Ochako got a chance to touch it. “You gotta spill, since grumpy is napping. So, just tell us. Was it super romantic when the two of you confessed? Who said it first?”

I tried keeping my eyes on the road as I felt my breathing becoming harder to do. “I wouldn’t say it was romantic. But it was heartfelt.”

“Aw. So, no cringy ‘I love you’s?” I shook my head. “Oh darn.” It was quite for a moment until I felt someone poke my face. “So, what are you wearing for your date on Sunday?” Now I’m regretting telling the girls about how Kacchan invited me to Hero Con. But I just couldn’t help it. I was just so excited, especially after becoming boyfriends. Even the girls got me to do another round of shopping.

“I’m not sure yet. I could just wear what I normally wear.”

“Boring.”

“Come on, Momo. This is Midoriya we’re talking here, ribbit.”

“But we got all those cute outfits. You just have to wear one. At least something that shows you off a little.”

“Or he could wear something that’s more of a tease. I bet Bakugo would blow his shit seeing Midoriya in those booty shorts we bought.”

I felt my face burn up at the mention of those. “I don’t know about that.”

“Come on, Deku. You should wear something super cute. This is your first date after all. You should just go all out for it.”

“It’s just Hero Con. We gone almost every year since my 7th birthday. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Wait!” Suddenly the girls started to loudly squeal in their seats. “So, is this like a birthday tradition between you two? That’s so cute!”

I felt my face heating up again, but I tried to stay focus on the highway. “Kinda. It always ended up with us meeting up at the place and acting like we didn’t know each other. Especially when other kids from our neighborhood happened to catch us. If I’m lucky I might get invited to dinner at Kacchan’s house. Besides that, it had always ended the same. Having to keep the no telling rule.”

“But you’re dating now. Which is completely different, ribbit. So, wait. Does Bakugo’s parents cook you birthday dinner.?”

Another round of squealing. “SO CUTE!”

“Come on, Deku. You have to wear something cute this time around. You two are now dating. Everything is different. So, you have to go all out.”

“Fine.”

“YAY!”

“I’ll try to wear something different this time around.” For the rest of the ride that’s all the girls talked about. From what I should wear. Even suggesting doing something with my hair. I did argue about why I should even change so much. But I do admit, it was nice talking to them about these things. It made me feel giddy. I even wondered would Kacchan like it if I dressed up for him.

Then again, there was the fact it was for my birthday. So, maybe I didn’t have to do so much. I could easily just dress up for myself. Even though it would be nice if Kacchan enjoyed how I was dressing. Which brought to mind if Kacchan would dress up for our date. Knowing him, he always dressed nice for anything. But will that be the same for Hero Con. Not like he never looked his best whenever we went.

That’s right. Kacchan had always looked so much different than usual whenever he spent his birthday with me. Why have I never noticed? I always thought it was because he did want people to notice him being with me. Or it could be because his parents dressed him for those days. They are fashion designers and presentation is very important to them. But Kacchan could have just worn any of his casual clothes and it would have been the same.

Just as I finished dropping off Todoroki is when I got a text from Kacchan. “Where are you?” I couldn’t stop smiling as I tried to text back.

“I just need to drop off Ochako before I could make my way to the garage.” Once that was out the way,I looked over to Ochako, who was sitting in the passenger seat.

“Is Mr. Boyfriend asking for you? You could just leave me here and I could take the bus.”

“I wouldn’t feel right about leaving you here. Plus you still have some stuff in the trunk.” After dropping her off, and texting Kacchan, I drove over to parking garage near the storage units. I still couldn’t believe that the twins did this for me. But I was grateful for everything. Once parked, I went about grabbing the bags from the trunk. As I did so, I spotted my limited All Might motorcycle. The same make and model that All Might had in his time in America. I still couldn’t believe uncle somehow managed to get this, but I wasn’t going to be ungrateful for such a gift. “Maybe one day I could take Kacchan on a ride with me.”

As I started walking home, I felt my phone buzz. It was a text from Kacchan. “Where the hell are you?”

I smiled before looking around. Maybe if I used my quirk I could run to get home faster. Or… I could make Kacchan wait a bit longer. “I just finished parking. So, about a 15 minute walk. Where are you?”

“Waiting outside your door.”

“Oh. I think my mom is home. Since it’s Saturday, she might still be up. Not to mention I did tell her I was coming back today.”

“Hurry up! I want my boyfriend!” I couldn’t help chuckle. Someone is being impatient. Now I was certainly going to take my sweet time back. Especially since I did have a few little surprises for him. Before he texted me, I had stopped by my storage unit for a few things. Besides putting the majority of my new stuff away. I had grabbed a couple of items to go along with Kacchan’s new hoodie. I’m not too sure if I wanted to give him the choker just yet, but I did want to give him something. Especially something from the box of gifts I never thought I’ll give him.

As I walked home, I started to become anxious. Especially since a certain blonde was waiting for me. Besides the fact I still haven’t told my mom we were dating. I just wondered how Kacchan is going to greet me. I’m used to him either completely avoiding me or screaming. But how would a boyfriend Kacchan greeting would go? Would he still yell at me? Would there be attitude? Or maybe it’ll be completely different.

Would he give me a hug? A hug would be nice. Even more with those strong arms of his. A hug from Kacchan would be absolutely amazing. But there is the fact that I never seen him touched anyone before. Besides sharing a fist bump with Kirishima. But even then, he never has gone out his way to touch anyone. Most of the time other people touches him, which had always upsets me. I never did understand why. It just hurt seeing how he had let other people be so close to him.

But now it my chance to be close. This all still feels like a dream. I really hope it wasn’t a dream. It would be so nice to actually be able to not only hug Kacchan, but also keep him close. Yet there was this annoying lingering thought. What if this is all a lie? What if he only agreed to be my boyfriend because we were in the moment? What if he would say anything to me because I was going to kill myself? So, what if he’s only going on with the lie so he could yell at me about how stupid I am?

I could feel my tears burning down my face as I stopped at the corner. What if Kacchan doesn’t mean it when he called me his boyfriend? A part of me wanted to run back to the storage unit and stay there for the rest of the night. But the other part of me wanted to face this head on. Kacchan would be very mad at me if I didn’t keep to my word. So, do I risk getting my heartbroken by the fact he didn’t mean it about being boyfriends? Or do I risk getting beaten up because I didn’t show up to my own home? Yeah… I rather the heartbreak. At least then maybe I could get the wake up call I needed to stop being so delusional.

Once I got off the stairs to my floor I spotted a very annoyed Kacchan. Seeing him like that just made me giddy. I don’t understand why, but seeing him like that had always made me giddy inside. Especially when it’s aimed at me. Something about the fact he’s not in a stance to fight, is probably why. The times he stands like that towards me has always been whenever I did something he did not approve. Like the times I didn’t eat lunch growing up. Whenever I was late or missed class. He especially gets that way whenever he happened to spot me with convent store dinners.

So, I couldn’t help stick my tongue at him. Which made his foot tapping worsen. He was even pouting as I slowly made my way over to him. But what caught me by surprise was that I was quickly wrapped into a hug. HE’S HUGGING ME! I like this feeling. It felt warm and inviting. The way his strong arms made me feel safe. Which was a weird thing to feel. “I missed you too, Kacchan.”

That’s when I felt something pressed the top of my head. What in the world was that? Especially when it felt so gentle that I almost missed it. But before I could fathom what it was, the warmth in front of me was being pulled away. Oh, no. I wasn’t done enjoying that. Yet another feeling quickly took over when Kacchan grabbed my face. I then watched as Kacchan’s face came towards mine and then I felt something soft pressed onto my forehead. DID HE JUST KISS ME!

Wait! So what I felt a moment ago was also a kiss? Kacchan gave me kisses! “Kacchan.” He then went and bit my bottom lip. Oh god! Oh god! Is that considered a kiss? Or is it just a bite? I don’t know. But all I did know was that my face started to heat up. It didn’t help that he even bit my lip a second time.

“Why are you so cute!” Kacchan then bit my right cheek. Even though his bites didn’t hurt, it still felt like they left a mark. He then bit my left check before biting my lip again. Note to self, Kacchan likes biting. “I could just eat you up.”

Kacchan is so silly. “Hehe. That’s cannibalism, Kacchan.”

“Damn nerd.” That’s when he pressed his lips to mine. It was a bit hard to do anything with him still holding my face, but it felt nice. Would this be considered my true first kiss? I may like the fact the bite was the first. Either way, my first kiss came from my Kacchan, and that makes me feel all bubbly inside. “But you’re my damn nerd.” He then bit my nose.

“Hey. No more biting. Just kisses.” The way he smiled at me had me feeling like hot soup. If he wasn’t holding onto me I think I would have turned to a puddle. And when he kissed me again, I was able to tell a bit more of the feeling of his lips. They were soft and had a lingering sensation of hot sauce. Which isn’t surprising with the foods he likes. Regarding I do enjoy how gentle he was being with me.

After not only properly introducing Kacchan as my boyfriend, I may have found out that I misunderstood a few things. Especially when I thought mom was more worried that I hadn’t had sex with a girl. Along with stuff about not being a man or that I’ll be alone forever. And the way I could hear Kacchan’s foot taping, I knew I was going to get an earful shortly.

I was not wrong about the earful that Kacchan was going to give me. Especially going on about how I misunderstood things and then going into overthinking things. Let alone not asking to make sure I had understood what I was being told. He was super mad. Because not only was he doing his annoyed stance, but also poking my forehead. “You’re a damn idiot.”

“Yes, Kacchan.” He flicked my forehead. “I won’t do it again, Kacchan.”

“And? And?”

“And I will always answer my phone when you call or text me.”

“Good.” I then looked up in time to see Kacchan open up his arms. “Hug.” At that moment I couldn’t contain my excitement. I get to get more hugs from my boyfriend! If that’s the case I want us to be comfy while we hug. So I picked him up and brought us over to the bed. Which I then sat him on my lap, as I enjoyed embracing my boyfriend. “What the hell?”

“You said hug. So, I’m hugging you.”

“Yeah. But give someone a warning before you lift them out of nowhere.” I couldn’t help smile at that. But my smile quickly went away when Kacchan tried to push me. No. I was not ending my hug. I want to enjoy hugging my boyfriend. “Nerd!”

“Kacchan.” He suddenly stopped trying to push me away. So, I took that chance to try and snuggle closer. Especially when he wrapped his strong arms around me again. He feels so much better than I imagined. He’s definitely like a big teddy bear, but almost like he was built from rocks. Super warm and smells nice. He smelled almost like freshly bloomed cherry blossoms. Which reminds me so much about that lone tree he would sit under when we were in daycare.

As I embraced him, I allowed myself to enjoy other little details. From the way his arms felt a kind of comforting heaviness. To the soft yet firmness of his muscles. It all just felt so surreal. The way I could hear his heart was a strange joy I don’t think I could understand. Especially when I found myself slowly breathing at the same pace as Kacchan. This all felt like a dream that I never want to wake from. But I suddenly noticed that his heart started to beat faster.

Perhaps something was wrong. “Is something wrong, Kacchan?” He didn’t say anything, so I tried to look at him. But from this angle I couldn’t tell much. At least his grip around my shoulders had loosen. I wonder if he’s ok. “Kacchan?” I slowly pulled away as I tried to get a better view of his face. While I was at it, I may have enjoyed feeling his back a bit before resting my hands on his hips.

“I brought something with me. Let me grab it.” Besides being upset at the sudden emptiness Kacchan left, I enjoyed watching him go over to a bag he had earlier. As I watched him, I couldn’t help admire his back. I was still in disbelief Kacchan was my boyfriend. But yet, here he was, in my room. That’s when I noticed something. Kacchan typically walks with either his head held high or somewhat hunched. But right now, for some reason, his movements seems timid and unsure. I wonder why.

And as he went into that bag of his, I got myself a nice view of him bending down. I don’t know why but he looks cute like that. Especially when I could hear him mumbling curses throughout his search. But when he started walking back, I happened to catch the huge blush that crossed his face. What was he thinking about? Yet the moment Kacchan sat on my lap, a small problem arose.

Besides the fact of how he was sitting on me, I finally noticed something else. If he were to move any closer would he be able to tell? When I first sat us down, I didn’t much notice his weight anything for that matter. In that moment all I cared was that I get to hug him. But right now I can clearly see how close our hips were. Especially when I finally came to realize that I was spotting a hard-on. Would Kacchan even be able to feel that? “Izuku.” Oh goodness! He knows! “Nope. None of that.”

“Oh god. Oh god.” Kacchan can probably feel it. What do I do in this situation? What does a boyfriend do? Nothing on the porn site had a scenario that people were still clothed when in this position. At that, what if Kacchan doesn’t even what do that? And what about my mom? oh goodness gracious! She’s properly still awake. We can’t do anything like that now. What do I do? What do I do?

“Deku. Take your shirt off.”

“What?” I must be hearing things. Nope. Kacchan was serious as he tried to take my shirt off. Which did not help my current problem. “But why?” He continued not to answer me as he finally got my shirt off. And during this whole struggle I was highly sensitive to his hips rubbing against me. I was trying my hardest not to make a sound or bring attention to that fact. But god did it feel good to have Kacchan rub against.

Then suddenly I was completely covered by something. It took me a moment to realize that I was now wearing a new shirt. It was obviously too big on me. Much bigger than any of my baggy shirts. And the more I took in the details of the shirt, the more I knew exactly what it was. It was one of Kacchan’s shirts! I couldn’t help smile as I grabbed the collar to sniff it. I don’t know why that was my first thought, but I ran with it. Especially when I was smell of cherry blossoms and hits of brown sugar was so overwhelming. So sweet and intoxicating like the person the shirt belongs to.

That’s when I noticed the skull graphic on the sleeve. I quickly looked to Kacchan. “Isn’t this your favorite shirt, Kacchan?”

“Now it’s yours.” Oh goodness! It’s my first boyfriend shirt! I couldn’t contain myself as I hugged him. “Damn. Where was this strength when I hugged you outside?”

“You caught me by surprised. Especially when you assay face.” I couldn’t help snuggle against Kacchan’s chest. This is the best day ever. But a part of me still wondered if he could feel that he was on top of my hard-on. Especially with how he kept pressing down onto it. It was incredibly difficult t focus on my new shirt and the pleasure that was in my pants.

“Keep talking like that and Imma do it again.” That’s when I recalled I needed to give Kacchan his hoodie. At the same time I really didn’t want to let him off me yet. So, I lingered just a bit longer as I pressed his hips into mine one more time before I picked him up and dropped him on the bed. “What the fuck?”

The moment Kacchan was off my lap I already missed him. But I had a mission to complete. I needed to get my boyfriend his new hoodie. And as I headed over to my book bag, I couldn’t help inwardly giggle. Besides the fact Kacchan kept insisting all week I didn’t wash the hoodie, I was also enjoying the feel of my new shirt. It definitely was almost as big as the hoodie. At that, I just wished I could live I it forever and how it’ll always smell like my Kacchan.

Now on that note. When the shirt does stop smelling like my boyfriend do I ask him to wear it again, and wait till it smells like him again? Or would I be able to steal another shirt while I waited for him to wear this one for a while? Or maybe I could take all hid shirt! Oh, it would be amazing to have everything that smelled like my perfect boyfriend. Especially when I sleep in them. Just thinking about that had my body on fire and my legs rushing to get the hoodie.

While I walked back to Kacchan, I wondered if he what would be his first reaction to his hoodie. As I sat on the bed I happened to noticed that Kacchan seemed to be in a daze. “Kacchan.” I watched as he practically snatched the hoodie out of my hands. The way he brought it up to his face and started to rub against it, reminded me of my situation. Even though I would like to get him back on my lap, I rather see him, in full view, put on his hoodie. The same hoodie I had masturbated in. And in front of him, no less. “Aren’t you going to put it on?”

I may have gotten a little impatient, but I want to see my boyfriend in his new hoodie. “Let me suck your dick.” That caught me by surprise.

“What!” Oh goodness gracious. He did notice! And clearly I wasn’t the only one with certain thoughts running through my head.

“You heard me.”

“Yeah. But…” Oh god. We can’t do this now. My mom is home and she’ll probably hear us. After all, these walls aren’t that soundproof compared to the walls that separated the apartment units. I then suddenly felt myself being dragged to the edge of my bed. And when I looked, Kacchan was mere inches from my face. “But my mom is home.”

“So what.” I quickly blinked as I watched the smirk on Kacchan’s face grow. “My parents heard me when we did it over FaceTime.” Oh god! Now I could never show my face again at his house. I then witness Kacchan going about trying to pull away my joggers, along with my boxers. When he did manage to do so his smirk just grew. “Well, well. Looks like someone is more excited than he lets on.”

He then spread opened my legs, as he got on his knees between them. The way he looks between my legs had my skin feeling sensitive again. Especially when I could practically feel his breath on my dick. It also didn’t help how he was licking his lips. “Kacchan—” Oh god! He poked it! So he’s really going to go through with this. Oh no! That’s when I remembered my door wasn’t lock. I should probably take care of that first.

I quickly got away from Kacchan, before he could grabbed me and rushed to my door. Once locked, I went back over to Kacchan. As I tried to get back into the position in front of him, I recalled how he looked when we FaceTime. I wonder if it’ll be best if I spread my legs as open as I possibly could.

I was so right, as I felt something wet and hot take me in. It felt so good that I almost lost myself to the pleasure. Especially when I could also feel the hot sensation of Kacchan’s hands burning my ass. Before long I found myself trying to catch my breath as strange feeling took over when burning liquid burst out of me. Even though this is the second time I felt something similar, I couldn’t really put into words that feeling was. All I did know what that I came into Kacchan’s mouth.

Speaking of Kacchan, he was licking his lips as he smiled up at me. “So how you like your first blow job?”

“That…” I was still trying to catch my breath as Kacchan kissed the inside of my thigh. “That was an experience.” He then started to kiss my other thigh. I like this. I wonder what it would be like to give him a blow job. “You’re next.”

“Maybe another time. Right now, it’s all about you.”

After tossing his clothes to the floor, I enjoyed watching Kacchan as he hovered over me. Especially when I could feel our dicks rubbing against each other, as Kacchan kept moving his hips. He even was using his hand to place with my tip. But suddenly he stopped and looked worried. “Is something wrong, Kacchan?”

“Give me a moment.” I then watched as he got off me and went over to his pants. I wonder what that was about. But I didn’t have to worry long when I saw him pull out that small box. “Got it.”

As Kacchan got back on the bed with me, I tried to read what the letters on the box. When I did, I felt a new wave of a burning sensation wash over me. “Kacchan!” My boyfriend had condoms. I don’t know whether to truly be shocked or embarrassed. There was always the possibility that his parents gave that to him. Especially after he told me how they heard us.

I need to make sure to write a reminder to always keep condoms at hand. Can’t disappoint not only my boyfriend and his parents, but also myself and my mom. I would be concerned a very bad boyfriend not using protection. At that, I’m glad he at least brought some. Even though I wasn’t thinking. I swear, whatever would I do without him.

Oh, I like this feeling. I like it a lot. Being this close to Kacchan, and having his rectum tightly wrapped around my dick felt so right. Especially with the way he kept say my name every time I moved in and out of him. Everything feels so amazing that I allowed myself to get lost in the sensation.

As we were catching our breath, I tried my best to use whatever strength I had to pull the blanket back over Kacchan. I just simply found myself enjoying the weight of him on top of. The way he hid his face in between my neck and shoulders. There was also the joy of lightly rubbing the muscles on his back and shoulders, as my other hand played with his soft hair.

“Did I do ok?”

Kacchan bit my cheek before returning to my shoulder. “Happy birthday, nerd.” Then room once again went silent as I went back to playing with his hair. That was until he pushed away. “Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” Instead of an answer, Kacchan kissed my forehead before pushing the covers away. I was suddenly cold, while I watched a frantic boyfriend go about gathering his clothes. “Kacchan?” He eventually sat on the bed, as he tried to put on his boxers. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the top of his ear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Our date tomorrow!” Oh, yeah. There’s still the Hero Con date. I almost forgot about that. But why was Kacchan trying to leave? We could go together once we woke up.

“Kacchan.” I lightly bit the top of his ear.

“Izuku.” He tried to reach for his pants, but I kept him in. “Come on. I had everything planned out.”

“Oh?”

I gave his neck a quick kiss before I let him go. “Don’t ‘oh’ me. I planned everything perfectly.” He grabbed his pants before coming back over to me. Which he then grabbed my jaw. “Please, Izuku.” He started doing that pouty face again. “I really wanted to make everything perfect for you.”

“But Kacchan.” He let go of my face and hid his face in my shoulder. Which I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, with one hand rubbing his back. “It’ll be perfect because you’ll be there with me.”

“Izuku.” Was Kacchan really whining? And here I thought I heard it all.

“Fine.” That got him to show his face. “But kisses first.” Kacchan smiled at me before biting my nose. “Hey! I said kisses.” He then bit my right cheek. After that is when he gave me a forehead kiss. “Not there. Kacchan, you big mean—” It caught me off guard when we finally did kiss my lips.

“Till tomorrow, nerd.”

As I waited at the corner, I couldn’t stop fidgeting with my book bag straps. Besides being super excited for my date with Kacchan, I’m also extremely nervous. Since insisted on making today perfect, I tried finding an outfit that he would approve. I hope I don’t disappoint him. Even though I still decided to wear my favorite red sneakers, I tried my best with the rest of my outfit. From a fitted pair of navy denims and a decent light teal shirt. Which I am proud to say doesn’t have any graphics on it.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

I quickly looked up to see a certain blonde walking over to me. At that, I couldn’t help take in the sight of his outfit. “I’m not wearing any of my stupid shirts. I thought you would be happy.” He just crossed his arms as he got closer to me. “You look amazing, as always, Kacchan.”

Kacchan sucked his teeth before placing an arm over my shoulders. “Of course I do. But what the hell is with the denim? I didn’t see that in any of the photos you sent me.”

“Oh.” I looked down to my jeans. “I got these after telling everyone that we were going on a date. Momo and the girls kept insisting that I buy clothes for the occasion.”

I felt my face heat up when I saw Kacchan smile. But that sensation quickly left the moment he bit my cheek. “It looks good on you.” Everything really was perfect. From seeing all the booths and getting signed merchandise. To the bento box Kacchan made for me. I was still in shocked that it was a Silver Age All Might themed bento box set, with matching cloth and chopsticks. It was so perfect I almost didn’t want to unwrap it. “Nerd.” I looked over at Kacchan, as he waved his phone. “I took pictures, so don’t you worry about it.”

“You’re the best, Kacchan!” When I did opened the bento I was left speechless again. My amazing before not only made my favorite dish. He also somehow got it to look like All Might’s signature face. “Kacchan!”

“I took pictures of that, too.”

“Kacchan.”

“Nerd, eat.” Every bite was absolutely delicious.

And after the Hero Con, I was once again surprised by Kacchan. Typically he would drag me to his place for birthday dinner, cooked by his dad, but this one was completely unexpected. When we got to his house, not only was my mom there but all of our Class 1A. “Happy Birthday, Midoriya!” I was still in disbelief. Not only did I get a boyfriend this year, I got a huge surprised birthday party. At that, it was filled with so many people. More than I ever could have dreamed of. And that night, I even got to fall asleep snuggling with my Kacchan.

#mha #bakugo katsuki #fanfic #izuku midoriya #bkdk #bnha bkdk #bakugou x deku #bkdk fanfic

[gachag0d]

Blasting Joji at 3 A.M. ANGST | Obey Me x Joji Smithereens

Synopsis: Sorting the Obey Me characters into which Joji Smithereens songs I think they would blast at 3 A.M during sad hours.

Characters: The Brothers and The Dateable (-Luke)

CW: Joji's music is explicit and contains Swearing, Mentions of Self Harm, Thoughts of Suicide, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Implied Violence, Unrequited love, & Possessiveness.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has liked my previous posts. It really means so much to me. As much as I love Nectar, Smithereens just absolutely slaps. 10/10. I can't wait for Joji's next album! Until then, here's to angst!

Ballads 1 | In Tongues | Nectar pt. 1 | Nectar pt. 2 | Smithereens

"Tell me he savors your glory Does he laugh the way I did? Is this a part of your story? One that I had never lived Maybe one day you'll feel lonely And in his eyes, you'll get a glimpse Maybe you'll start slipping slowly And find me again When you're out of sight In my mind 'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes And that's where I find a glimpse of us And I try to fall for her touch But I'm thinking of the way it was Said I'm fine and said I moved on I'm only here passing time in her arms Hoping I'll find A glimpse of us"

ASMODEUS, Solomon, Lucifer, Diavolo, Leviathan, Mammon

"Please come down so we can get out I've waited too long to get your voice out of my head Out of my head (out of my head) Feels like home, I'm covered in stone I know you'll think twice, I'm waiting by the window, babe (window, babe) Window, babe (window, babe) Too many, too many things we did together You used to promise me it would be forever Feeling like the end, don't think it will get better, baby"

MAMMON, Simeon, Leviathan, Satan, Belphegor

"Burning photos Had to learn to let go I used to be Somebody in another skin (Another skin) I heard that you're happy without me And I hope it's true (I hope, I hope it's true) It kills me a little, that's okay 'Cause I'd die for you You know I'd still die for you"

BEELZEBUB, MAMMON, Simeon

(Listen, I fully believe all the lads would die for MC, but I just don't think all of them would have this specific "Die For You" vibe the song is going for. I think most of them would be far more on the "angry, homicidal, I'm going to burn down everything THEN myself" side rather than the "it's okay, I still love you despite everything I'll just be here forever sad and broken" side. I'm also super into yandere-ish depictions though so don't mind me...)

"I don't know what you wanna hear Things changing course, smiles fade to grin Now the moment's gone, just as I feared And I was hoping, and I was hoping this time No longer here, we were feeling bliss Don't hold your tongue, there's no time for tricks You've been closing up, I expected this But I was hoping that you'd stay open this time I know it won't be long I know you're almost gone Hold on, Let me in before the day is over Just let me in before the day is over"

BARBADOS, Lucifer, Satan, Solomon

"It's so hard just being me sometimes I wish I could escape out my mind Got too many situations Complicating things, I ran out of time I know I haven't turned the corner Please don't leave me behind Who the hell am I to think that you're my angel from above? It's not right Who are we? Who have we become? Are we counting sheep until we dissolve?"

LUCIFER, Simeon, Belphegor, Satan

"Tell me how you wake up, I just wanna wake up UFO again, doesn't matter what it takes up Crazy in the dome, baby, can I get a heads-up? Girl, they try to break us Girl, they try to break us Wanna get away with you, tell me your location Feels like yesterday, I remember I would stay up Baby, can you say somethin'? Wanna feel sensation Promise you I'll never get numb, I'm too precious Burning forever and ever, fully blazing I don't remember no better days You know I'm waiting, just whenever Shit's whatever"

BELPHEGOR, Asmodeus, Mammon, Diavolo

"I can make you feel it closer, baby, one more time (One more time) I can really feel you closing in, I stayed outside (Stayed outside) I love, I love, I love, no matter how, how much they take (How much they take) Something tells me we were chosen so we keep on trying (Keep on trying) She said I'm dumb, surrounded by strangers When I hear your voice, I'm in too deep Feeling undone, I can't be the only one I wanna be forever young"

ASMODEUS, Mammon, Solomon

"And I overflow like mercury Glowing with uncertainty (glowing with uncertainty, oh) Circles at the Chevron (girl, I might be, oh) I might be forever gone (bitch, I might be gone) And my eyes get low in that all white truck, I can barely see shit Hit the gas like you wouldn't believe it Thank God, I was always healing In a time so slow, I was thinking 'bout us rearranging pieces Speeding up on that all-black Demon Going west, I don't got no reasons I was throwing stones at Hercules Throwing them so perfectly Circles at the Chevron I can't be forever young Empty choir, operated from above My voice will be their voice until I'm free My hands will be their hands until I'm free"

SIMEON, Lucifer, Mammon

"You know you can make it But you can't make it alone You know you can make it But you can't make it alone I've been writing letters on the wall I hope one day you'll see them all And that you're not alone I've been playing memories in my mind Wishing you were there like all the time So I'm not alone And I'm tired of this madness Tired of being stranded I don't wanna be alone"

LEVIATHAN, Lucifer, Diavolo, Belphegor, Solomon, Barbados

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #joji #my writing

[violentivy]

So, while we are at it I guess...

Today is my youngest son’s 12th birthday.  A son, that I’m pretty sure does not even realize I exist.  Some sad thoughts about it. TW: Sexual Abuse, depressing thoughts, and the scariest of ALL... SCHOLARLY ARTICLES!!! But I am serious this next bit is a lot.

It’s been 9 years since I last saw my youngest son.  It’s just fact at this point.  I’ve gotten to the point that I can almost say that out loud without crying. 

My kids Father admitted to a crime in my presence.  Numerous times with witnesses.  Because Child Protective Services thought I “knew or should have known” abuse was occurring in my home.  After being told that our children would be put “In The System” if we did not adopt them away to my ex in laws, my children’s father and I decided to sign the paperwork that would make them wards of the state.

There are many studies on the affects of a child losing it’s parent at a young age.  Here’s a few articles/scholarly articles for ya’all.

https://theconversation.com/a-sudden-and-lasting-separation-from-a-parent-can-permanently-alter-brain-development-98542

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3115616/

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.0963-7214.2006.00412.x

^^ This is why it took me 5 years to stop writing to their adoptive parents.  This is why I fought so hard.  This is why I kept looking for my kids no matter what was going on.  I never stopped because I wanted to avoid any of this happening to them.  I put myself out on social media a lot more than I was comfortable with in the hopes that they’d see me and start asking the right questions about where I was and why they weren’t seeing me.

I’m grateful now that I am in contact with 2 of my 4 kids.  I’m a grandparent now at 42 and I really don’t feel like I should be yet.  However, when I’m there helping it’s like I just had a baby that age yesterday and it all just kind of comes back.

I know that their parents are just in denial.  I try not to be angry at them, but the fact is my kids, ALL of my kids, should have had better lives.  This wasn’t fair to THEM.  My poor daughter, withheld from me by her father, only to find out later there was good reason for her not to come over because the danger was also living in my motherfucking house?  

Why then, today when I was talking to my current life partner, did I break down crying talking about teaching my son’s father how to drive a stick shift?

I find myself turning to the weed to numb me out a bit more than I feel I should but my partner and his kid say it’s fine.  I’m not embarrassing them or anything and it’s clear I am having a hard time regulating my emotions when I’m off the stuff

I remember being able to think clearly.  Then I read: 

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/06/trump-forced-family-separation-children-devastating-effects-mothers-1/#:~:text=Dr.,%2C%20and%20poor%20self%2Dcare.

It is not even close to the exact same shitsuation, don’t get me wrong.

However, I can pull the context from this and copy pasta it into my current situation.

Because I can tell you my shrink did diagnose me with C-PTSD.  I haven’t been able to think clearly since the boys have been gone, I’m not as sharp, I’m prone to random panic attacks and crying fits.  It’s pretty terrible actually.

I remember there was a time before and how much more affective I was at things.  The idea of gardening didn’t send me into a panic attack.  The thought of doing anything outside of the comfortable norm feel impossible.

But, I remember that there is always tomorrow.  The sun always rises even if you can’t see it. I’m still here, in spite of all of this.  I didn’t succumb to my mental illness when some days it felt like it would be easier.  But then, what the fuck kind of example am I setting?  No.

There is always tomorrow.  

[writing-in-lesbian]

You wanted to sleep with a goddess but had to settle for a priestess

Chapter 7 - Real or not? Pairing: Yelena Belova / Female reader Tags: angst, fluff, cursing words. Translations: Pridurok = jerk // Detka = baby // Moya lyubov = my love. Synopsis: Y/N and Yelena finally confront each other. Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6

A small gasp escapes Yelena’s lips when she sees you, bandaged, limping and so tired. But her eyes are softer and worried.

“You really look awful…detka”

You don’t know what to say but a small sarcastic laugh escapes your mouth. Natasha helps you walk the rest of the way until you’re in front of her sister, just at arms length. You don’t know if you want to hug her and collapse in her arms or run to the other side. Her scent is so intoxicating this close.

“Package has been secured… or well, at least obtained and delivered. You girls take care”

You turn to see Nat leave, before closing the door she sends a wink and a smile your way. You’re more confused now and not necessarily because of the pain meds. What is the meaning of all of this? You’re so engrossed in your thoughts that you don’t notice Yelena taking your hand until you feel a tug, asking you silently if she can take your waist to help you walk. 

All kinds of emotions are going through your mind. You have missed her so much and in your current state of mind, let’s say you weren’t really thinking clearly, so you take your hand out of her and limp your way to the couch, Fanny, always being very perceptive walks next to you offering some kind of moral support.

Yelena just sighs and follows you, carefully watching you. Her plan didn’t start how she planed it so she would have to wing it a little bit. At least Natasha had left everything organized on the coffee table in the living room. 

Once you are seated at the couch Fanny jumps on it and very carefully lies down, putting her head on your lap so you can pet her. Automatically you just do that, it has always relaxed you.

“Can I ask what happened?” Yelena’s voice is soft, so unsure and it just hurts your heart. Maybe both of you need this time to talk for real, with a cold heart and a clear mind. A task that will be a little harder since you’re so pumped up on pain killers, numbing your mind, and taking off all your filters.

You remain silent for a few seconds. Yelena’s hand tentatively reaches for your hand, you didn’t even notice when she sat on the living room table in front of you. You don’t reject her this time.

“Someone tried to mug me” A soft gasp escapes Yelena’s lips, you turn to look at her. Her eyes are crystallized with unshed tears. 

“Why… I mean… what did they take?”

“Nothing, well they tried to take my phone but… yeah, you know”

“You didn’t give away your phone?”

“You know, Tony made the exact same face of confusion”

“Tony?”

“Yeah, he was the one to pick me up yesterday night from the ER. Hence my new look thanks to the nurses”

“Y/N…”

“It’s ok. You can ask. Why they didn’t call you”

Silence.

“Why?” It’s an almost silent whisper.

“I asked them not to. I didn’t know where we stand anymore”

Yelena’s hand drops yours and you immediately feel cold. Just like how you’ve been feeling since that night where she walked out of Tony’s apartment. You risk a glance at her but she’s not there. Great.

While you try to calculate the effort it will take to limp your way to your old room and crash in bed you hear soft steps coming to you side. You look up. Yelena’s back with the small white box Natasha had at the cafeteria. She silently asks you to take it, her sniffs are proof enough to tell you she’s crying, and is hard trying to mask it. 

“I know all of this might look confusing to you and I’m sorry I didn’t reach to you before but I really need it time, so please don’t say or do anything until I’m done. Please detka”

Her accent is more pronounced this time. She’s not angry but you know she’s sad and vulnerable. You can only nod.

You take the box and carefully open it one-handed. You weren’t prepared to see its contents. Inside the box was the dessert you ordered on your first date, a chocolate lemon tart. You read the message carefully written in white chocolate letters:

“I knew it would B my last 1st date w/ some1”

You turn to look at her, but she only hands you the brown bag Natasha got from the Record Store. Your heart is beating so fast that you’re scared it might just rip your chest and pop out. you open the bag, inside there’s a vinyl record, “Sheryl Crow - I Shall Believe” the first song you two slow danced. It was a rainy night at Yelena’s apartment, a random playlist she chose was playing in the background while you two were making out like shy teenagers, this song started to play and you suddenly stopped it kissing her, got up, and extended your hand, taking her up with you to dance. 

A stick note with another message is on the record.

“I never want to slow dance with anyone else but you”

You feel the tears in your eyes but try as hard as you can to not let them fall yet. You need to remain calm.

Yelena hands you the next thing. You see the familiar logo of the mall you went to this afternoon with Natasha, you know is the bag from the game store. You take a small box from it. It’s just a puzzle, the image doesn’t give away anything but is the message that has your heart beating so loud, fast, and hard.

“The second easiest yes”

If your memory still works, you know what comes next. With shaking hands, you take the medium brown package from Yelena’s hands. You know where it came from, you know what that night meant to you and her, but you’re not sure if it’s something good or not due to recent confessions and events. 

You open it and can’t help but gasp.

Inside there’s Yelena’s necklace from that night. You confessed to her one time, that it gave you the perfect opportunity to start a conversation with her that night.

“I was so happy you took the chance”

Finally, she hands you a small box. You try to remember from where Natasha might get it but your mind is blank. That woman is too mysterious for her own good sometimes. You take a deep breath before opening it. 

You almost drop it from your hands when you see what it contains. 

It’s the ring which you proposed to her. There’s also a second one next to it, similar to the one you gave her but instead of black, this one is silver.

Next to them, there’s the picture you took when you got engaged. A note is taped to it.

“The easiest yes ever”

Yelena takes the box from your hands, You can see she’s crying already. She takes the silver ring and kneels in front of you. You can’t help it. Your tears flow freely now.

“Detka, I did a lot of thinking and I can’t lie to you, I was hurt and so angry at you. But funny enough, Carol was the one that put some things in perspective. I know I didn’t have the best approach, you acted like a real pridurok but so was I. I know we still need to talk about some other things but you know what? Fuck it. We can have the rest of our lives to talk about it and figure things out… together… What I’m trying to say is…”

Yelena inhales and exhales and you hold your breath. She slowly takes your healthy hand.

“Would you marry me?”

You knew this was coming and yet it caught you by surprise. In a million years you never thought Yelena will pronounce those words, not even when she told you you need it a ring, you imagined it maybe she would just give it to you. No questions asked. 

To many, she might look cold and distant, always masking her emotions, but to you, she allowed herself to be vulnerable and just her, ‘cause to you it was always just her, no assumptions, no roles to impress just pure and sweet Yelena. Giving you the most romantic gesture she could ever attempt to. 

“Yes” you whisper.

Yelena releases the breath she was holding. She gently places the ring on your finger.

You take out the ring from the box and take her hand. Still doubting your self you stop right before putting it on her ring finger.

“It’s still a yes… detka”

You look into her eyes and you can see a million emotions swirling there, but the most prominent one is love. You slide the ring then.

“Perfect” you mumble.

She closes the distance and kisses you slowly, tender, careful of your injuries. When she holds your face in her hands you flinch and she just places small kisses in all your scrapes and bandages. 

She then grabs your hand and helps you to get up. Fanny is not at all happy to be disturbed from her slumber but she just ignores both of you and takes the whole couch to herself. Yelena places her hand in your waist and helps you walk to the room.

“You know, when I envisioned this, you were 100% healthy, so our celebration might have to change” she tries to joke but the air gets heavy in an instant.

“I’m happy if you just hold me” you told her honestly, squeezing her hand in your waist.

“Okey”.

When you both reach your room, you can see there are more candles there and rose petals on the bed. No wonder Natasha had to keep you away from the apartment. Speaking of.

“How wait… did you sent your sister to take me to a secret scavenger hunt?”

“Well… I also had help from Tony duh. I need it to make a statement here”

“And what was it?”

“You big pridurok, since you had planned it one but never quite gave it to me, I thought it was just proper to do it myself”

You stop her. She looks at you confused. You grab her hand, turn to her, and try not to lose your balance. Taking her face between your hands you kiss her. Resting your forehead to hers, still with your eyes closed you whisper.


“I love you”

“I love you too moya lyubov”

Finally getting on the bed you both lie down. Similar to last time, Yelena grabs your hands and places them in a way that shows the rings. She takes a picture. You see her writting something, but you’re so emotionally drained you close your eyes. 

The vibration of your cellphone some minutes later has you opening your eyes. You see a notification on your friend’s group chat.

“Romanoff has added Lena 💕 to the group” “Lena 💕 has joined the group”

The picture she took is attached with a little message

“Took her out of the market for good now. Back off bitches”

A new notification pops up.

“Lena 💕 has created the group chat - Wedding Vibes, No Tony, you can’t plan it” “Lena 💕 has added you to the group”

“You know it will explode like last time right?”

“Maybe, but that will be a problem for our future selves”

She says this while taking both of your phones and putting them in silence, letting them on the night stand. She hugs you and you close your eyes again.

You finally feel at home.

#yelena belova #yelena belova x female reader #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova out of character #cross posted on AO3 #fanfic writing #fanfic #AO3 fanfic

[dodo-begone]

The Kidnapping...

(Aka in a nutshell the Yandere boys kidnap reader)

They adored you. They befriended you. They payed attention to you. All for one very important reason. They loved you. And they were quite sure you felt the same for each of them. However. There was no good way of keeping the thing they loved safe and hidden from everyone else. Something so good could be snatched away right from their finger tips. They couldn’t let that happen. Not to you. So they created a plan. A plan to keep you safe. More precisely, a plan to kidnap you.

After sometime they realized their feelings for you. The four sat down to talk about their feelings for you. Tommy confessed first, stating that he should have the reader for himself, followed by Tubbo barking back that reader and him were closer then Tommy and reader ever were. Ranboo jumped into the fight  stating that Tommy was just being a selfish child and that Tubbo was just as immature as him. Purpled knew this was a battle he had to fight in too. “I should have (y/n) for myself! They actually notice me and make me feel seen!” Purpled said. “Your just desperate for attention from someone Purpled! You’re always just giving them crap to make reader like you!” Tommy shouted at Purpled. Before they knew it the argument turned violent with Purpled trying to stab the shit out of Tommy. Just as Purpled backed Tommy into a corner ready to plunge his dagger into Tommy’s throat, Ranboo yelled “Wait! W-What if we s-shared them?” Purpled turned his head to Ranboo so fast it could give him a whiplash. Everyone in the room went silent at his comment. “That could work.” Tubbo agreed. “Fine I guess I can work with this.” Tommy grumbled. Purpled gave a silent nod signifying he agreed. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief after Purpled put his dagger into his hoodie pocket.

They finally all agreed to share you. It was better this way. This way no ones feelings were trampled on and together they’d have a better chance of keeping you safe. The next day they confessed their (platonic) love for reader. They wanted to keep you for themselves forever safe forever! After all you guys are such good friends. They could make sure you’re taken care of. You’ll have everything you could ever want. Just please stay with them. If you say yes? Great! You get to move into your new forever home with them. They’ll cut you off from the rest of the server. If anyone asks about you or tries to search the forever home? They’ll get a nice wack to the head from Purpled and wake up outside their base or home unaware of what just happened or how they ended back up here. If you want to leave, they’ll guilt trip you into staying with them. This is your home now. And they’re your best friends! Don’t you love them? Why would you ever want to leave? “Are you tired of me (y/n)? Is that what it is?” Tommy said. “Please don’t leave me alone (y/n)! You don’t hate me do you? Oh thank goodness your willing to listen, come over here and we can have a nice cuddle session! No need to focus on the outside world!” Tubbo said. “What if I forget you (y/n)? I could never forgive myself if I did (y/n). Do you want that?” Ranboo said. “You could get hurt if you leave here! Please just stay by my side and I’ll keep you safe (y/n). I won’t let a single person lay a finger on my best friend.” Purpled said. Eventually after cuddles, gifts, and kind words from the strange teenage boys. Your content (or you think your content) with living here. You’re stuck either way.

If you say no? Fine. They’ll do things the hard way. Over the next few days you’ll start to notice foot steps behind you, more random noises in your house then usual, and wherever you go somewhere you feel rather unsafe. Eventually you reach your breaking point when you come home one night to find your house’s door wide open and your kitchen window smashed. You take off in a random direction with tears streaming down your face. As your running into the distance you bump into someone. In the dark you can’t quite see who it is but whoever it was offered to take you back to their base to calm you down. As you reach their home you start to see the lights of the forever home in the distance. Entering the forever home, you finally realize who your savior is. Not only did you have one savior, you had two. Ranboo and Purpled. You didn’t care it was them in the moment. You felt to scared to be in your home alone in the moment. “Oh you poor thing! You’re shaking! Here have some tea to warm up.” Tubbo said as he handed you a cup of tea while you sat in their living room shaking like a leaf. After drinking away the entire cup of tea you started to feel tired. You didn’t feel calm or scared. You felt numb, like the world was slipping out of your grasp. The last thing you remembered before you blacked out was being picked up by Tommy and being placed somewhere warm.

You’re their beloved best friend. They could never let you go. Even if you try to escape or scream how much you hate them. That won’t change anything. They just think your tired and cranky. So they’ll take you to bed for naps and cuddles instead. But honestly living with them isn’t so bad. Besides any teenage boy habits and random little things they might do that seem a little strange. They don’t try to hurt or punish you. They’re usually just overly sweet and soft towards you. When ever the boys talk to anyone in the outside world they’re usually more loud and obnoxious towards everyone. But to you, they’re as soft as cotton candy. Days could be spent with doing small to large tasks with them in the home. Or just enjoying movies together that turn into late night cuddles. Cuddle piles are the best! They don’t exactly know how to cook, but they’ll often try to cook meals for you which turn out rather interesting. Their favorite part about the process is when you compliment their food. Any compliment you give the four boys will send them over the moon. Often times they’ll try to 1-up each other all the time to see who can get the reader’s appraise over the others. It’s really cute what they’re willing to do for you.

After some time with the yan boys, you’ll start to love their company just as much they love yours. Days where they’re busy become incredibly lonely and dull in the home. So because of this reader would make small gifts for the boys while they were out. Like little flower crowns out of the flowers they brought home for you yesterday. Or writing little letters telling them how much they mean to you. Or just trying to make them some food for when they come home to you. Just little things to make them happy. When they find these things, they’re more then happy. They’re overjoyed! The fact you’d do this for them proves you think about them even when they’re not there! They couldn’t be happier! They’d wear or use anything you give them with pride. One day Purpled decided to wear a flower crown the reader made. Turns out the same day he was going to train with Punz. “So Purpled, what’s up with the flower crown? It’s not usually your sty-“ “Shh! More training less talking!” Purpled would say while dragging a confused Punz by his hood.

Although things weren’t all calm. People already suspected the boys kidnapping reader beforehand due to how they had already made such attempts in the past. We already knew that if someone made an attempt to search the home they’d be put to a stop by one of the boys. But what if none of the boys were home? Uh oh. Say if one of the caretakers of the smp(Puffy, Philza, or Sam) came to the home in another search of reader. And found them inside the house. We’d be in trouble. All I can imagine is the reader kicking or screaming to be released back home. And the the caretaker would just be like: “but we are going home? What’s the problem?” I can just see the reader being sad cause they miss the boys and know the boys miss them.

As soon as the yan boys find their bestie has been taken away. Panic. It’s panic mode baby. The four gear up in full netherite and grab any weapons necessary. Along with an extra set of netherite for reader. Tommy and Purpled scout outside. While Tubbo and Ranboo stay at the forever home just in case you come home. At a certain point while Tommy and Purpled were searching, they heard from Niki that she’d seen reader with Puffy. Tommy and Purpled were overjoyed and quickly ran back to the forever home to alert Tubbo and Ranboo of their discovery. They decided on ambush. They went to Puffy’s base ready to ambush but were completely unaware that Sam and Phil were currently taking care of reader with Puffy. So this ‘ambush’ went less then pleasant. The four went into the water stream that went down into Puffy’s underground base. Phil was about to go upstream to grab some more medicine from his base only to be greeted with four angry teens ready to tear the place down just to find reader. Phil knew exactly why they were there based on how reader had been ranting on and on about how they were going to come and save them or something. Tommy and Tubbo tried to hold off Phil as Purpled and Ranboo searched for reader. It wasn’t hard to find reader at all. Sam and Puffy were just keeping reader restrained in a small makeshift room in the west wing. Purpled and Ranboo saw Puffy and Sam by reader’s side trying to convince them they were safe and the boys wouldn’t find them here only for them to quickly stand up pulling out weapons ready to defend reader. Purpled being more experienced in combat than Ranboo instructed he help reader while he took on Puffy and Sam. 2 against one wasn’t easy due to the fact that Puffy and Sam were strong fighters too. However Ranboo was quick to follow orders. Ranboo in a hurry took off reader’s restraints and handed them a full set of netherite armor. Both hurried to assist the now cornered Purpled. Reader took a running start launching themselves onto Puffy. Due to the unexpected weight, Puffy went tumbling down knocking Sam down with her in the process. With reader now saved, the three ran out into main area of the under ground base to find Tommy and Tubbo still battling with the Angel of Death. Tommy and Tubbo noticed Reader and they all headed for the water stream up. Finally after a long day of fighting and searching for reader they had them home safe again. The long day had the five tired. They all laid down near the fireplace for some late night cuddles.

Yay! Good list/story? I don’t know. This kinda turned into a strange story at the end lol. I hope you liked this either way. This was just something I made while being sick. So your welcome I guess Dodo :D Apparently I wasn’t done with kidnapping head cannons after that one alien-purpled thing. Either way. Good day. -Toma can anon 🥫

————————————

First off, Toma I’m so sorry that I took ages to answer this. Second off- FUCKING POP OFF MAN THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY SHIT. I McLove it.

Okay so I won’t be writing too much of a commentary on this- I want ppl to enjoy this masterpiece in their own plus anxiety but let’s not talk about that. Anyways beyond the cut is my commentary- so tw for jokes and all of the stuff from above.

KSJDJDJD PURPLED PULLED THE QUIET KID MOVE- lmao Purpled the Quiet Kid tm. It just reminds me of that one fucking meme: “I wanna kill you and destroy you. I want you died. #scene #anger #fuck #die #hatred”.

Can we just mention that the bonking ppl on the head and them appearing at their homes confused and shit is literally just the despawn system in mc. Like right on par- that’s the literal version of it and that’s how I’m seeing it and I’m fucking cackling at the idea of it-

OKAY LEMMIE GET ANGSTY!!! WHAT IF- What if, when the boys start getting so busy that you practically don’t see them anymore. Eventually you leave to either find them or just leave the house (for company or freedom). You feel that they don’t like you anymore. That you were just a bother. No wonder they haven’t come back. The withering alium flower crown in your hands was a somber reminder of the better times that weren’t so long ago.

#submission #long post #🥫 anon #tw: yandere #tw: kidnapping #c: purpled #c: ranboo #c: tubbo #c: tommy #rambling with dodo

[honestlywtfisgoingon]

A Match Set

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Watts x Reader

Summary: After meeting one night in New York, you and Benny Watts are drawn to each other. As you go through different experiences with one another, you grow closer until it finally gets to be too much for Benny.

Word Count: 2685 Damn

Warnings: Alcohol and also a little sad?

Notes: hehe the plot continues... also please give feedback I’m still new to writing and can use the help 🥺

Your first date with Benny was like all your experiences with Benny. It started out ordinary, and ended up somewhere completely different.

He took you to a small cafe, one of those hidden spots known only to New York natives.

You and Benny sat down in a little corner of your own, and you felt an imbalance when he didn’t look nervous at all. After you ordered you relaxed a bit, finding out that he was just as anxious as you were. Sure, Benny had an incredible poker face, but the way he kept tapping his cheek while he leaned his chin on his hand had been the tell.

On the outside it looked as though the two of you were on a regular date, exchanging all the usual smiles and small flirtations, but that’s where it got a little more interesting.

Benny wasn’t conventional and didn’t care to be, and you were always trying to get past the surface of things. Neither of you cared for menial small talk, and instead went straight into a passionate exchange of thoughts and views. You ended up talking like you had known each other for years. There was a connection there, an obvious chemistry that you hadn’t found before.

There was a second date after that, and it was even better than the last. He had taken you to dinner that time, and once again you found yourselves falling back into discussion about various thoughts and ideas, nothing boring or ordinary.

As you cracked jokes back and forth and learned more about each other, you had a warm feeling. You recognized that for all these last few months, being with Benny was the first time you really felt at home in New York.

That was before, but this is now. Now is when a part of you shattered. Now is just after you got a devastating call that your father was sick.

“Thank you,” you said before hearing the click of placing the phone back on the receiver.

Thank you for what? You were just told your father was dying and you were supposed to say thank you? You had finally gotten the chance to go beyond your small town, thinking everything at home was safe, that it was taken care of. It was your father that convinced you of that.

Living where you did had it’s limits, and there wasn’t much for you there. He pushed you to get out and explore, telling you that you didn’t need to worry about him.

You were taken from your thoughts when you looked at the time, realizing Benny would be picking you up soon. You could’ve canceled, considering the recent circumstances, but you were grasping for normalcy at the moment, trying to shove away the awful reality you were just hit with. You told yourself it wasn’t because you were running away, you were just being considerate of benny. Yes, you were just being considerate. That meant you could push off thinking about all this until you got home.

This time, you and Benny were walking together in Central Park, and you were trying to pay attention to what he was saying as best you could.

“Hey, y/n?” You heard benny’s voice break through the numbness.

“Sorry, what?” You were embarrassed that he caught you blatantly ignoring what he was saying.

“I was asking if you were able to come to to the championship, but I think you’ve got other things on your mind.” He didn’t seem offended, more concerned.

“I’d love to, I know how important chess is for you, and I haven’t gotten the chance to see you get really competitive.” He would’ve been happier to hear your answer had he not seen straight though you.

“Right now, you’re what’s really important to me. Just tell me what’s really going on.” His admittance for caring about you would’ve made filled your heart yesterday, but today it made you want to run away.

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’ve been off the whole day, I just want to know why.”

“Nothing is going on. Why are you so convinced that there is?” Your tone became slightly more aggressive.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me right-“

“Just leave it Benny!” You snapped, letting go of his hand and and walking away from him. You didn’t know why you took off from someone you liked so much, but you didn’t really know why anything was happening at all.

You were stopped as Benny ran after you and grabbed you hand firmly. You tried to pull away, but he was stronger than you. He spun you around to face him. You became acutely aware of the tears that had started to fall from your eyes. Looking up into his eyes was your breaking point.

You let out a sob before caving into him. You felt his arms wrap around you before letting him usher you to a bench. He held you for what seemed like forever, until you were too tired to cry anymore. He was rubbing you back and gave you a little smile when you faced him. You apologized and hastily wiped away your tears, but he insisted that it was ridiculous of you to be sorry. You still felt guilty after your breakdown, so you explained what was going on to make it up to Benny. You couldn’t exactly run away anymore, physically or emotionally.

“It’s my dad. I got a call this morning. He’s sick, but he wants me to stay here. How am I supposed to stay here, dealing with a new job, a new life really, while my dad’s back home dying?” You let Benny see all the stress you were under, ready for him to leave now that he’s seen you as a mess.

“All those things, you have to take one at a time. If your dad’s what’s important right now, just focus on that.” It was easier said than done, but Benny wasn’t the emotional type and he didn’t know exactly what to say, but he cared, that much was clear. You just nodded, trying to pull yourself back together. “Are you going to listen to him? Are you going to stay here?” You could tell that behind his question, he was scared that you would say no.

“I- I don’t know yet.”

“Whatever you need, I’m here.” He said as he gently placed a hand on your cheek. It was smooth and warm and you wanted to lean into it, but you snapped out of it.

“Maybe what we both need is for you not to here.” You didn’t want to hurt him, but your walls had rushed back up. You had so many things going on, and the last thing you needed was a boyfriend. It pained you to say it, but you wanted to be honest.

“I don’t have to be here as... whatever we have going on now... but I can be here as a friend.” As of today, romance was off the table for you, but a friend was different, and Benny wasn’t the type to let go of you so easily, even if a friendship was all he could get.

You just nodded and looked down into your lap, not knowing what to do now. Benny knew it was time for silence, so he held your face in his hands so you looked up at him. He didn’t say anything as he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears sitting on your cheeks. It wasn’t a romantic act, it was more endearing, a quiet action as if to say that he was willing to catch you if you fell.

You let out a small laugh at his little gesture. His eyes radiated a sort of comfort now that you he was edging into a part of your life that even you avoided.

With the intention of continuing your date that wasn’t really a date anymore, he grabbed your hand to pull you up from the bench. When he tried to let go, you didn’t let him. He looked at you curiously but he didn’t question it. You didn’t even know why you did it, still mentally screaming to push him away. You both just ended up going along with it, holding hands for the rest of the day until he walked you back home.

Nearly 3 weeks had passed since then and you hadn’t gone out or had contact with anyone. Despite your moment with Benny, you had still distanced yourself from him. Holed up in your apartment, existing off of gin, cigarettes, and frozen foods; ignoring calls, presumably from your friends.

You sat in the middle of the living room floor, forcing yourself to sketch. It had been therapeutic for you before, but now you found yourself more agitated as your drawings felt forced.

“Argh!” You yelled out into the room as you threw the papers across the floor. The one thing that you could always turn to was your ability to do art, and now you felt a block.

After taking a swig of gin, you laid back on the floor. You had turned to alcohol after another call with your father. He demanded that you stay in New York and that you go on with your life. Instead you felt like you were at a standstill, unable to keep going knowing that the one person left in your life wouldn’t make it another couple of months, and yet you were unable to see him. It made you hurt and angry that he didn’t want you home, but you wouldn’t go against his dying wishes.

You groaned when you heard the sound of the phone. You dragged your hands across your face when it wouldn’t stop ringing, forcing yourself up to confront whoever was pestering you.

“What the fuck!”

“Glad to know you’re alive.” Bennys voice greeted you.

“Can’t you tell when someone wants to be alone?” You missed Benny, but you were slightly drunk and your defenses were up.

“What someone wants and what someone needs are two very different things.”

“Well then tell me what I need.” You said sarcastically.

“You should come out with us. We’ve been calling, Cleo and Annette and the rest of us. We haven’t heard from you.”

“Well the reason you haven’t heard from me is because I haven’t been answering.”

“Funny,” he said humorlessly, “we all miss you.” He paused, “I miss you. And I said I’d always be here so I have to make good on my promise.”

You paused. You had to admit, you missed them and Benny too, but everything just seemed so scary right now. For all your philosophies and ideas, you were hiding from your own thoughts. Going out with people would only expose them.

“I can’t.”

“You don’t have to have a night out, but have coffee with me at least.”

“Benny I-“

“Great. I’ll be there in five.”

“What? Benny no-“ He hung up. The bastard hung up on you. His audacity was what actually made you laugh for the first time in days. After a minute of laying on the floor, you gathered energy to trudge over to the bathroom and make an attempt to clean yourself up. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you made a grimace at your reflection. You brushed your hair and washed your face, brushing your teeth twice to get rid of the alcohol on your breath. You swiped some face makeup to conceal your dark circles and changed out of the pajamas you had been living in.

You buzzed Benny in, expecting him to wait downstairs in the lobby like usual. Instead you heard a knock at the door in the middle of clearing things up. You got flustered as you rushed around to pick up glasses, pillows and other articles littering the floor.

“I thought we were going for coffee,”You said as you opened the door, panting slightly.

“I thought I would make things easy, come to you.” He said as he made his way in, slinging his arm around your shoulder, “plus ive never been in here.” He took a look around, making no comments about the state of your apartment. He made himself comfortable, going through your kitchen, presumably looking for coffee or something to eat. “Do you want anything? More gin maybe?” He said as he picked up an empty bottle sitting on the counter.

“Benny-“ you warned, silencing him. He joined you on the couch with some chips he found in the cabinets and a can of coke.

“We don’t have to talk about anything serious, I just don’t want you to be alone. For my own sake really.” He turned his head away from you while saying the last part.

“You know I should be a dick more often, I’m making you all soft.” You nudged him in the shoulder as a small smile crept up on his lips, lightening the mood. Something about him being there made you unconsciously drop your facade. You had to admit it was nice to relax for a moment.

“Hey don’t go telling everyone.”

You didn’t talk about anything serious like Benny said you wouldn’t. After a while you eased into laughing and chatting casually. Eventually the conversation reached a comfortable lull.

“I missed you too you know. I didn’t say it over the phone.” You told him. Having him here with you made you feel bad for your outburst. You admired his patience for you.

“I knew.” He shrugged as he gave you a sideways little smirk.

“cocky bastard.” You said jokingly.

“Your favorite cocky bastard” he tilted his head towards you as he lifted his brow, smiling.

“Top 3 maybe.” You leaned back like you were pretending to think about it.

Suddenly you remembered what you talked about before the little breakdown you had on your walk.

“The championship! Do you still want me to go?” You sat up with your sudden remembrance.

“Course I do. I didn’t know you would still be up for it.” Benny looked happy, but you could tell he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I didn’t think I was, but I didn’t want to miss you winning.” You ruffled his fluffy blonde hair. He gave you that cocky smirk again. You really won points by stroking bennys ego.

“Well we can drive together then. It’s next week.” He said it nonchalantly, but he smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

You paused, not realizing the championship was so soon. You thought you had at least a month. You didn’t feel as though you were ready to enter back into the world yet. Just Benny was alright but having to hold your own with all those people while Benny played scared you. Benny caught your hesitation and went to hold your hand. They were chess players hands, soft with long fingers that intertwined with yours. They were cold and his rings were a bit uncomfortable, but your breath still hitched a bit.

No. You said you wouldn’t get involved with him. Still, you kept your hand in his. It was probably the one mildly romantic thing either of you could get without risking the friendship falling apart at this time.

“How exciting,” you finally continued. You lifted your coke and you and Benny cheers-ed together. Once again that warm feeling of home crept in, that feeling you got when being with Benny. No matter how many walls you built up, Benny, someone you hadn’t even known for more than a couple months, had an amazing way of bursting through.

Just this morning you were firmly committed to becoming a hermit, and now you were planning a road trip. You chalked it up to Benny being special to you. No, you pushed that thought away again. Special in a friend way. That’s what you needed, and that’s what he was willing to be. You were in a state of conflict around him, shoving him away and holding his hand to pull him close. You shook off your thoughts and looked at Benny, and there was a moment where his eyes shone with admiration, and then it was gone as he turned his head away and continued to talk about one of his chess feats while you listened attentively, just happy to be around him again, even if it was unwillingly at first.

#benny watts x reader #benny watts fanfiction #benny watts imagine #benny watts fluff #benny watts smut #the queen’s gambit #queen’s gambit #benny watts #Thomas Brodie-Sangster

[maneskinrollercoaster]

~ We’re Everything To Each Other That We Ever Needed 3: Being Without You Is Like Being Without Myself ~

Pairing: Ethan Torchio x Chiara Russo (fictional character)

Word count: 4629

Warnings: smut, swearing

Summary: Ethan makes an unexpected decision.

Ethan stormed out of the bathroom and went downstairs to see Damiano sitting on the couch in the living room. When he saw Ethan he immediately stood up.

- Ethan.. fratello.. I’m so sorry.. - Damiano said trying to reach Ethan’s shoulder.

- How dare you call me a brother? Huh? After what you did? - Ethan was furious and nothing would be able to stop him.

- I know I fucked up, but hey, you know I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry - Damiano said clearly feeling guilty.

- You’re not sorry, at least have some balls to fucking admit it. - Ethan stood up in front of him. - You always take everything you want huh? You don’t even care of what other people feel, you just go and grab anything you’d like without any consequences. And you had to do it with Chiara too right? You had to take the only fucking person I truly loved! - Ethan grabbed Damiano’s shirt and it was only a matter of time till he hits his face.

- Ethan I swear I didn’t want that to happen, I was drunk.. - Damiano said trying to stop him.

They were both looking into each other’s eyes, Ethan’s dark from anger, Damiano’s guilty.

- You’re pathetic, I’m not even gonna waste my time on you, you fucking piece of shit! - Ethan let go of Damiano, gave him the last death stare and walked out of the house.

*in the meantime*

Chiara was overwhelmed. She was sitting at the counter for 15 minutes now after Ethan left her alone and stormed out of the bathroom. She was numb. Her cheeks were red and wet from the tears, her eyes puffy. She’s never seen Ethan that angry. He was always calm, quiet and when something bad was happening he always preferred to talk than argue. But Chiara couldn’t blame him. She was the one who betrayed him and broke his heart.

Chiara slowly stepped off the counter, not really knowing what to do with herself. She went out of the bathroom and picked up the T-shirt from the floor. She took off the heels and the dress and she put on a shirt, sitting on the bed. Chiara knew that she has no right to be in Ethan’s room but she didn’t have enough courage to go downstairs after what she did with Damiano.

How could you do this Chiara? How the fuck could you cheat on Ethan, he was so good to you, always so caring and loving, so polite, what the fuck were you thinking!? - she said to herself and closed her watery eyes.

Moments passed and she heard a quiet knock on the door. She said muffled “come in” and a second later she saw Victoria entering the room. Her face was serious like never before. Chiara figured that she knows about everything.

- Damiano told me what happened. - she said coming up to Chiara and sitting next to her on the bed. - Girl, you fucked up.. - she sighed.

- I know.. - Chiara’s voice broke. - I really didn’t mean for that to happen.. - she started crying.

Victoria wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a warm hug. Chiara didn’t expect that, she thought Victoria will yell at her.

- I know you didn’t want that, Chi. Damiano is so embarrassed, he talked to Ethan and they fought. Ethan stormed out of the house and Damiano locked himself in his room. - Victoria said stroking Chiara’s back gently, trying to calm her down.

- What the fuck was I thinking, Ethan will never want to speak to me again. - she said covering her face and breaking down even more.

- If you really didn’t mean that, Ethan will understand. I’m not saying he will come back to you but give him some time. He loves you and he’s crazy about you. It’s gonna be all good. - Victoria said resting her head on Chiara’s, still stroking her back.

***

It was evening already and Chiara spent the whole day in Victoria’s room. They talked about what happened and Victoria promised her that she will help her fix everything. Thomas also sat with them for some minutes and told Chiara that even though she fucked up big time, he knows Ethan and he’s sure that they will fix it between each other. Chiara also talked to Damiano which at the beginning was really awkward but then they apologized to each other, hugged and decided to leave it in the past. She also promised him to help him with Giorgia. All that didn’t mean anything though as long as she didn’t fix everything with Ethan, which still didn’t come back home.

Ethan was walking around Rome all day, thinking of what to do. He felt lonely, betrayed and not appreciated at all. He felt like he will never be enough for anyone. He was crying half of the time but had to hide it when some fans were coming up to him to take a picture. He’s never been so broken but after all day wandering around he decided to go back home and have a serious conversation with everyone.

- Can you all come downstairs, per favore? - Ethan said, stepping inside the living room.

Chiara heard his voice and her heart started beating faster, her stomach started hurting really badly. She was stressed and when she looked at Vic, her eyes were full of fear. Victoria took Chiara’s shaking hand and pulled her towards the door. They went downstairs where Ethan was sitting on the couch. When he saw Chiara he was shocked that she was still home. His heartbeat increased and hands started sweating. It’s gonna be a lot harder than I thought - he thought still not letting his eyes off of Chiara.

Girls sat down on the couch opposite Ethan and a minute later Thomas and Damiano joined them and sat next to them. Ethan’s face was serious, without any emotion but inside he felt like he’s gonna explode any minute.

- I have something important to tell all of you. - he said looking at his hands.

They were all looking at him, waiting for the answer when he looked at them one by one.

- I’m leaving the band. And Italy. - he said breathing out all the air he was holding in his lungs for what felt like forever.

- WHAT?! - Victoria raised her voice.

Surprise was un understatement. They were all shocked of what Ethan just told them. Leaving the band? How? Thomas, Vic, Ethan and Damiano were inseparable, when they were arguing it was always temporary because they could never stay mad at each other. But Ethan’s face was serious and they knew he wasn’t joking.

- What do you mean you’re leaving the band? We’re in the middle of the European tour, we have so many festivals arranged for the next months, you can’t just leave Ethan! - Damiano said, deep down knowing he had no right to tell Ethan what to do.

- You see that’s the point! You never care about what I feel, you only think of yourself and what people will say. And I’m always the one left out alone, dealing with everything by myself. You guys don’t give a single fuck about me! You never ask me how I’m doing or if everything is okey! And I’m done, I need a break, from all of you! - Ethan said with his voice raised.

He looked at Chiara.

- Ethan please, don’t leave. It’s all my fault, I know, I’m sorry, but don’t leave them just because of what I did.. - she said pleading.

- It’s not only about what you did, it’s about all of you and they way you treated me like air for the past months. I deserve better.

They didn’t know what to say. Ethan never would have thought himself of leaving the band and when he said those words it sounded so unrealistic. He knew the break will bring Måneskin a lot of problems but he didn’t care, he was proud that for once in his life he stood up for himself and didn’t stay quiet like usual.

- Where are you gonna go? - Thomas said quietly with tears in his eyes.

- I’m gonna fly to Portugal, to my family. - Ethan said and he knew there’s no going back.

- For how long? - asked Victoria with a breaking voice.

- I don’t know yet. For some time.

- But you will come back right? To Italy, to us. - Damiano asked.

- I’m not certain. I just know I need a break, to rest and think about everything. - Ethan said.

- When are you leaving? - Chiara asked with her face all red and wet from tears.

- Tomorrow, I can’t stay here any longer. - Ethan said letting his head down.

They were all sitting in the living room for at least an hour. In silence. None of them had courage to say anything and they were all too overwhelmed with Ethan’s decision. They knew that him leaving will break them more than anything.

*four months later*

It’s been four months since Ethan left Italy and Måneskin house never felt so empty. After the first day without him, Thomas, Victoria and Damiano understood that he was the essence of their band. They knew that Ethan was right, they fucked him up and never paid attention to him and his emotions. The three of them were always the loudest and Ethan was always the one taking care of every situation and now when he wasn’t there they felt like everything fell apart.

Chiara was completely shattered. She locked herself in her apartment and didn’t leave for two weeks after Ethan left. After their conversation in the living room Chiara went with him to his room and apologized so many times, cried and begged him to stay. Ethan told her that he understands but he won’t change his mind. A break was what he needed, and he hoped that they will all finally see how much they’ve broken him for the past few months and how much they didn’t appreciate everything he’s done for them.

It was a sunny morning and Ethan was laying on the grass in the garden. His aunt lived in Lisbon right by the Tag river. The weather was amazing and Ethan found himself spending a lot of time at the beach, swimming or just laying on the sand and reading books. He’s never felt so relaxed. Yesterday he face timed with Chiara for the first time since he left. It felt weird to see her and speak to her after such a long time but Ethan missed her more than he thought. They way she always joked around and made him happy. He could see sadness on her face even though she tried not to show it.

- I miss you.. - she said looking at him through the screen and gaining courage to tell him how she really felt.

Ethan didn’t know if he should say it back or change the topic. He wasn’t sure about anything these days. He loved Chiara, of course it didn’t change. He knew that he is able to give her another chance and try to fix their relationship but until he’s back in Italy he didn’t want to bother himself with that. Not until he saw her face on the screen. She was still beautiful, as always and even though Ethan was still hurt, the corners of his lips uncontrollably went up making him smile at the sight of her gorgeous face. Deep down in his heart he knew that he already forgave her.

*a week later*

Ethan was standing in front of Måneskin house. He was nervous. Two days ago he decided to come back to Rome and fix things between him and Vic, Thomas and Damiano. His heartbeat increased when he knocked at the door. He had the keys but after such a long time he figured it would look stupid to just come in and act like nothing ever happened. After a few minutes he saw the door open and Victoria standing in front of him.

- Ethan! - she shouted happily jumping at him and hugging him tight. - I’m so glad you’re back - she whispered into his ear, not letting go of him.

- I’m glad to be back too, Vic. - he said hugging her back.

They pulled away when Ethan saw Thomas running towards him and jumping on his arms. Thomas’ eyes were watery and they both laughed when he kissed Ethan’s cheek.

- I missed you so much, Edgar! - Thomas said jumping off of Ethan’s arms.

- I missed you too, Toni. - Ethan said poking Thomas’ shoulder and smiling to him.

Damiano came downstairs and looked at Ethan surprised. He came up to them and stood in front of him. Ethan looked at him for a couple of seconds with an emotionless face and Damiano thought he’s still mad at him, but then Ethan pulled him into a warm hug. Damiano sighed with a relief and hugged Ethan back.

- I’m sorry, Ethan. I’m happy you’re back, the house was a mess without you. - Damiano said still hugging Ethan.

- Let’s leave it in the past. - Ethan smiled lightly just like he always did, pulling away from Damiano.

They were all back together. Four rockstars who loved each other more than anything.

- We’re so sorry for every single time we hurt you, it will never happen again. - Victoria said putting her hand on Ethan’s back.

- I know you guys didn’t mean that. But I would much appreciate you to pay more attention to me. - he laughed and along with him Vic, Thomas and Damiano.

***

- Are you gonna meet with her? - Asked Victoria while her and Ethan were sitting at the balcony in her room.

- I don’t know, Vic. I miss her and I really want to see her, I want everything to be back to normal. But she disappointed me and I don’t know if I’m ready yet. - Ethan said. - By the way, how is she? - he asked, looking at Vic.

Chiara wasn’t fine. Even though four months passed and everyone told her that time will help her heal, she found herself thinking of Ethan all the time. She still couldn’t accept the fact that she let him down and she missed him a lot. He was her everything and if she could she would turn back time and change what happened.

- She’s okey, I guess.. She came here yesterday, we invited her for a movie night. She looked fine, but tired. - Vic said.

- Hmm.. She didn’t come here often when I was gone, did she?

- She came here a month after u left. Mainly because she promised Damiano that she will help him get back with Giorgia. After that she came like twice and yesterday. - Vic explained. - She really loves you, Ethan. I know I can’t ask u to talk to her but she really regrets what happened, you’re her everything. - She said, looking back at him.

Ethan knew that he has to meet with Chiara and talk about everything. He wanted to have her back, next to him. He forgave her a long time ago, he loved her too much to be mad at her. But he didn’t know if he’s ready to trust her fully again.

*afternoon, the next day*

“I’m back in Rome, would you want to meet?”. Chiara was looking at the screen of her phone for good 10 minutes, shocked by a message she received from Ethan. She didn’t expect him to text her at all, she thought he won’t speak to her again. Her cheeks turned red and she got nervous. Should I meet him? What am I supposed to do? - she thought still looking at the phone screen. “Yes, I’d love to. When?”. She tapped a message on her phone with shaky hands and let out all the air she’s been holding. “I can come over to you place today. We have to talk about everything”.

Today. She was supposed to meet him today and talk to him after four months without him. She suddenly felt all her breakfast going up her throat. Her face turned red and her stomach started hurting. She felt noxious. She ran to the bathroom and threw up. Her eyes were watery and puffed. After a while spend in front of the toilet puking, Chiara took her phone and texted Ethan. “Sure, see you at 5?” the message said and Chiara couldn’t believe that she will get to see him after such a long time.

***

It was almost 5 and Chiara found herself running around her apartment cleaning everything and preparing for Ethan. She was about to put the water for a coffee when she heard the door bell ringing. Her hands started sweating and she almost pissed her pants. She slowly opened the door and saw him standing there.

He looked stunning. His hair longer than before, he was dressed in a white buttoned up shirt, tight black jeans and black Dr. Martens. He was so handsome. Chiara gasped at the sight of him.

- Ciao, Chi. - he said with a slight smile on his face.

His voice was calm and deep just as always.

- Ciao, Ethan. - she said, still looking into his eyes.

They were standing in front of each other both not knowing what to do.

- Please, come in. - she said but instead he came up to her and wrapped his arms around her pulling her in to a warm, welcoming hug.

Chiara felt all the time stopped. It was only them standing in a tight hug with each other, enjoying each other’s embrace. Ethan missed her scent and the way she always stood on her tip toes to reach him. She was everything he ever needed and when he finally held her in his arms, he felt like everything was back to normal.

- I missed you so much. - Chiara sobbed into his ear and he squeezed her even tighter.

She couldn’t control herself anymore and she bursted in tears holding on to his neck. Ethan knew that Chiara regretted what happened the minute he saw her sad eyes and he couldn’t control himself either, tears falling down his cheeks.

- Shh.. I’m here, Chi. - he said politely, stroking her back to calm her down.

She pulled away and looked into his eyes.

- I.. - she wanted to say something but Ethan stopped her.

- Let’s come in and sit down. - he gestured at the inside of Chiara’s apartment.

- Yes, yes. - she said and they both entered her flat.

Chiara made a coffee for her and Ethan and they both sat down next to each other on the couch in the living room. They stayed silent for a few minutes just staring at each other and smiling slightly.

- How was Portugal? - Chiara broke the silence, taking a sip of her coffee.

- It was good, weather was really nice. I spent most of the time at the beach reading. - he said also sipping his coffee.

Chiara noticed that Ethan looked a bit different. His arms were more muscular , his chest wider and his thighs bigger. He was so insanely attractive.

- Did you start working out? - she asked surprised.

- Yeah, I had to focus on something and my aunt has a little gym in her garage so I just lifted some weights. - he said chuckling. - So you see the difference? I didn’t know it’s that visible.

- Four months is a long time, of course I see the difference. - she said, letting down her head and looking at her cup.

She wanted to jump at him and kiss him and tell him how much he means to her and that she’s so happy that he’s back.

- Listen I’m really-

- Sorry.. I know. - Ethan interrupted her, putting their cups on the coffee table and grabbing Chiara’s hands. - I know you’re sorry and I know you didn’t want any of that to happen. I understand you were drunk. But you hurt me a lot, cazzo.. You broke my heart Chiara. When I saw you with him.. You don’t even know what I felt. I felt like a part of me died. - he said squeezing her hands.

- I know. - she said quietly loosing all the courage to look at him. - I know I hurt you and disappointed you, but I love you, Ethan. I love you more than anyone could ever think and I can’t imagine my life without you. I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me, but believe me, when you left, my whole world shattered. Because being without you is like being without myself. And what am I without myself? Nothing. - she said with tears in her eyes, finally looking at his face.

Ethan couldn’t stop himself. He cupped Chiara’s cheek with his palm and pulled her closer. He stroked her shoulder with his other hand and seconds later she could feel his lips on hers. The kiss was slow, gentle and full of love. They kissed carefully, afraid that one of them will hurt the other. Chiara wrapped her hands around Ethan’s neck and suddenly he pulled her up on his lap. She pulled away and looked at him carefully.

- I forgave you a long time ago. - he said pecking her lips again. - I love you, Chi. And there’s nothing that can change that. - Ethan kissed her again, more passionately this time.

- But.. wait, what does this mean? - she asked, pulling away again.

- I give you another chance. You hurt me but I realized that you didn’t mean it and I’m willing to try again with you. - he said stroking her cheek and looking into her eyes.

Chiara couldn’t have been happier than in this minute. She threw herself on Ethan and hugged him tightly. He leaned his face against her neck and wrapped his arm around her.

- Thank you - she said, kissing his cheek.

- You’re my everything Chi. I can’t live without you. - Ethan said.

He kissed her again and moments later they found themselves in Chiara’s bedroom, making out on her bed. He pulled off her oversized hoodie and she started unbuttoning his shirt. All the fear, sadness and shame disappeared when Ethan kneeled in front of her on the bed, pulling off her shorts along with her panties. Chiara grabbed his belt and after she took it off, Ethan pulled off his jeans and hung over her beautiful naked body. She pulled him closer, grabbing the back of his neck and while running her fingers through his hair, she kissed him with so much desire. She was needy and so was he. They both missed each other’s touch and a feeling of their bodies grinding against each other.

- I love you so much - Chiara said when Ethan kissed her breasts and started trailing his kisses down her stomach.

- You’re all fucking mine. - he said when he reached her thighs.

Ethan spread them apart and the second he laid his lips on her, Chiara let out a loud moan. He started licking her up and she was tugging on his hair. She grabbed the sheets when she felt him licking her entrance and she couldn’t stop moaning his name.

- Ethan.. It feels so good.. - she sighed when he squeezed her hips and looked her in the eyes, still licking her.

At this sight she lost it and a warm feeling spread inside her stomach while she reached her climax. She let out the last moan and a second later Ethan was above her kissing her dry lips.

Chiara wrapped her legs around Ethan’s hips and, looking into her eyes he put his erection inside her, filling her to the last inch. Chiara screamed from pleasure, a familiar feeling of him inside her. He started thrusting slowly. He remembered the way he fucked her in the bathroom and this time he didn’t want to hurt her. Chiara felt different this time. She knew that this sex was like no other. Full of love, reassurance and passion. It was different than any other sex she had with Ethan and she couldn’t get her eyes off of him. His torso was well built, visible muscles on his chest. His arms were stronger and his back was a lot wider than it used to be. His cheek bones were more sharp and Chiara couldn’t stop staring at him while he was pulling inside and out of her.

- Like the view? - he moaned kissing her cheek and his pace went a bit faster.

- Yes.. - she sighed and tugged his hair.

Even though the sex was slower than usual, Ethan and Chiara felt their high coming. He started moving a bit harder and faster but not too fast to enjoy the moment just a bit longer. Chiara felt her walls tightening around Ethan’s erection and she knew she’s gonna cum any second. Ethan grabbed her face and kissed her harshly while hitting every little spot inside her. They were both on the edge when suddenly Ethan’s warm sperm spread inside Chiara and her walls clenched around him. Both screamed each other’s name reaching the climax together.

Ethan fell on Chiara’s body, they were all sweaty and breathing heavily. After a second he pulled out of her and laid next to her, pulling her closer to him, so she could lay on his chest. Chiara leaned her face against Ethan’s neck and put her hand on his chest, stroking I gently.

- I love you, Chi, more than this world has ever seen. - Ethan said and kissed her forehead.

Since then Chiara and Ethan decided to start a proper relationship. They loved each other more than ever and Ethan knew that it was a good decision to give her another chance because Chiara didn’t leave him once, even for a second. She was constantly trying to show him how much he means to her and she was completely crazy about him.

*a few years later*

- I do - Chiara said, smiling.

She was standing in front of Ethan, in a beautiful white long dress, holding his hands. Victoria’s sobbing could be heard in the back.

- Do you Ethan Torchio take Chiara Russo to be your wife, to have and hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until you are parted by death?

Ethan squeezed Chiara’s hands and smiled to her widely.

- I do. - he said and Thomas bursted in tears.

- I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.

Ethan grabbed Chiara’s face with his both hands and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She wrapped her hands around his neck, kissing him back and smiling. Everyone started cheering, crying and clapping their hands.

Chiara was nothing without Ethan. Ethan was something with Chiara. Together they were everything to each other that they ever needed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, that was long but I was so excited to finish it that I lost the count of words haha!

I hope you enjoyed these 3 parts.

Thank you so much for reading! 😘

Requests are opened if you’d like me to write anything specific ❤️

Tag list [ @teenyweenynightghost , @superchrystaldrug ]

#damiano david #ethan torchio #i wanna be your slave #maneskin #måneskin #thomas raggi #italy #victoria de angelis #zitti e buoni #torna a casa #guitarist #vocalist #drummer #bassist #vent'anni #ethan torchio one shot #ethan torchio smut #ethan torchio fanfiction #fanfic #one shot

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime imagines #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime angst #iwaizumi hajime fluff #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi fluff #haikyuu angst #iwa chan #iwaizumi hajime fanfic #haikyuu fanfic #iwaizumi fanfic #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! angst