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imagineswriting47 · 3 years

Text

Never Good Enough

A/N: I lost the request for this sorry if this is yours and I didn't tag you

All mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Summary: When A hunt goes wrong, Dean takes his anger out on the Reader, not knowing that she had been hurt.

Pairings: None

Warnings: Mentions of abuse

Taglist: @akshi8278 @huntheimpossible

"How could you be so stupid, Y/N!" Dean yells. I hang my head, knowing that it was my fault the hunt went the way it did. I messed up, and it almost cost Sam his life, but in the end, I was able to save Sam, and he walked away with just some bruising. Dean was angry that Sam got hurt and was taking it out on me. Dean always seemed to do this any time a hunt went wrong. I became a verbal punching bag, and each time I did, I felt a little bit more of myself break.

"You can't do anything right. I dont even know why we keep you with us—your worthless on hunts. We are so sick and tired of saving your ass!" Dean tells me, getting in my face, and for the first time since I started to hunt and to live with the boys, I was afraid of Dean. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes as he turns his back on me and gets in the impala. Sam gives me an apologetic smile before opening the door and waiting for me to get in the back.

I carefully climb into the back of the car. I can feel the blood running down my side, making my shirt stick to my side. Dean was right. I am worthless, and they would be so much better off if I weren't around them. I dont want to bother them with stitching me up. I'll stitch myself up when I get back to the Bunker, it's not that bad, and I dont want to be a burden to them more than I already am.

My father always told me that I was good for nothing, that the biggest mistake he ever made had me. Sitting in the back of the impala, I can't help but think back to everything he said and did to me: every broken bone, every hit, and punch. Maybe my father and Dean were right. Maybe all I was suitable for was to be a punching bag. I thought that Dean was different. I was wrong. He might never have hit me, but how long until he does?

With each passing mile back to the Bunker, my head starts to feel a little lighter; having been lost in my past, I didn't realize how much blood I was losing. I pull my hand away from my side it comes back covered in blood, the stark red standing out against the pale skin of my hand. I'm not going to make it back to the Bunker with the way that I am bleeding.

"Sam, Dean?" I question them, my voice nothing more than a whisper. I want to close my eyes and go to sleep. I dont feel the pain anymore, the cut on my side having gone numb at some point. I could sleep now if I wanted to.

"Not now, Y/N," Dean growls out, not even turning to look at me as he is talking to me. I just lay my head down on the back of the seat and close my eyes.

I must fall unconscious as I dont remember the rest of the ride back to the Bunker or even how I got into the infirmary.

Sam or Dean must have found me in the back of the impala. I reach to my side and feel the bandage that is taped to me. I carefully peel it back and find that I have been stitched up. I am just swinging my feet over the side of the bed they have me on when Sam walks into the room.

"Y/N, your awake." He rushes to my side and pulls me into a hug. I want nothing more than to hug him back, but I hear Deans' words that they are tired of taking care of me. I carefully pull away from him before hopping off the bed. I dont want them to have to pretend to care anymore when I know that they dont.

"Im fine, Sam," I whisper to him as I look at a spot over his shoulder. Afraid to look into his eyes to see the anger in his eyes at having to stitch me up. I hold my side as I walk to my room and close the door behind me. I get out of my bloody clothing and into an oversized t-shirt and shorts.

Over the next couple of days, as I healed, I slowly packed my things and kept my distance from the boys. If I did run into them, I kept my head down. I haven't heard my voice since I talked to Sam, afraid to speak. I was scared to do anything as I didn't want to make Dean even angrier at me than he already was. I needed time to heal and get my things together before I left.

"Hey Y/N, can we talk?" I hear Dean's voice from behind me as I make my way to the library to return the books I kept in my room. I turn to look at him, not letting him say anything to me before I speak.

"I know, Dean, you want me out." My voice is rough from not being used.

"What are you talking about," Dean says as he takes a step closer to me, his hand reaching out for me. I flinch away from him as I expect him to hit me for speaking when I wasn't told that I could. When his hand freezes before it can touch me, I look him in the face for the first time in weeks. His eyes are huge, and he looks terrified. He takes a step back from me before dropping his hand back down to his side.

Dean opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, but he doesn't say anything. I take a moment and slip past him and make my way back to my room. I quickly grab my bag and make my way out of the Bunker. I dont get very far before I hear running behind me.

"Y/N wait!" I hear Sam yell behind me. I stop walking, but I dont turn and look at him. I can hear him coming right up behind me. "What is going on, Y/N? Why are you leaving?" I can listen to the shock in his voice but also the sadness. I wish that he would stop pretending to care.

"You guys dont want me anymore! Dean said, so you are both tired of taking care of me." I yell at him. Tears are making the way down my cheeks. I'm angry and scared, and I have no idea what I am going to do now. My home is the Bunker, and the only family I thought that I had in them. But I dont! I don't have anyone, and I never will.

"I didn't mean it, Y/N. I was just scared and mad, and I took it out on you. I know I shouldn't have. When we got back to the Bunker and found you passed out covered in blood, I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't have the chance to apologize. I am so sorry, Y/N. I promise to be better, please don't leave. I need my best friend." Dean tells me tears in his eyes. In all the time that I have known the boys, I don't think I have ever seen Dean cry.

"I can't, Dean. Every time something goes wrong, you take it out on me! I can't keep breaking. I just..." I can't keep talking as the sob makes its way past my lips. The tears have completely clouded my vision, so I don't see the boy step closer to me until I am wrapped up in a hug from the both of them.

I continue to sob into Sam's chest, letting everything out that I had been holding back for the past week. Sam wraps his arms tighter around me before picking me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me back to the Bunker. Sam brings me back to my room before setting me down on my bed. I don't want to let him go when he backs away from me, but he is not gone long before Dean is taking his place.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't stop crying. Dean moves me to sit in his lap; he runs his hand through my hair, whispering sweet words into my hair.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'm so sorry." I hear him tell me when I get my breathing back under control and the tears finally stop.

A/N: If you liked this, please leave a heart or a reblog. Let me know what you think!

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester x reader #dean x reader #sam #spn #jensen ackles #dean and sam #sam and dean #jaredpadelcki #jared padalecki

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mtfstuff · 3 years

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Little help

"Shit, I'm late.", Michael thought as he put on his watch. He slipped into his nice black dress shoes and corrected his tie in the mirror.

He took his jacket and left his appartement. He tried to take the elevator but it took him too long to arrive so He took the stairs. The sound of his heels hitting the ground with every step echoed through the stairwell. He never ran down the stairs as fast as on this day. He finally left the building and walked down the street. He became nervous thinking about the presentation he has to hold in front of his boss this afternoon. The presentation could be his ticket for a seat on the council of the company he works at.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly even noticed that he was stopping because he subconsciously noticed something in an alley. Michael observed the alley and saw a man waving him over. Michael knew that he shouldnt go into the alley as that would be one of the places were murder happen or someone gets raped. But Michael always wants to help people if they are in trouble and this man looked like he could need some help.

"I still have 5 hours till my presentation. I can fill up my working hours after that.", Michael thought.

He entered the alley carefully, trying to watch out for any trap. He stopped 6 feet away from the man. Michael could now see that the man was probably his age and he looked hispanic. His hair looked well-groomed but he was definitely chubby. He only wore some dirty socks which had holes, underpants and a dirty shirt.

"Is everything okay?", Michael asked.

"I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment, two days ago.", he answered with a jeavy accent. He pointed towards a door on his right side. "The shop owner on the other side of the street has a second key for it. I cant go over like this." His hands made a move towards his dirty clothes.

Michael didnt know what to do. He felt uncomfortable in this situation. "Should I go over and ask the owner to give it to me?"

"He wouldnt. He'll only gibe the key to me.", the man answered. He made a pause. "Could I borrow your good looking suit so I can go and get the key?", he asked.

Michael was irritated. He never thought someone would ask a question like this.

"The shirt, pants and shoes would be enough too. No need for a tie.", he added.

Michael was tempted to do it. He wanted to help this man so bad. "But what if the man wouldnt return with my suit?", Michael thought.

"I'm sorry, but I wont take off my suit. I'm already late for work. I hope someone will help you.", Michael answered politely.

"Come on man, just for 10 minutes and I'll give it back.", the man begged.

"The answer is no.", Michael said and turned around to leave. He was almost on the main street again as he felt a pull on his right foot. As he looked down he saw that he only wore his left shoe anymore. Michael turned around and saw the man holding Michaels shoe his hand. "Only your pants and your other shoe, please.", he begged.

"Give me back my shoe now or I'll call the police you filthy homeless!", Michael answered briskly.

The man threw the shoe in front of Michael and mumbled an okay as he walked towards the back of the alley again.

Michael kneeled down to put on his shoe again and went to work after that.

He thought alot about the encounter at work. In the afternoon, the presentation went great. Michael got his seat at the council.

Over the next few days Michael forgot about the crazy man in the alley until he walked past it one evening. Michael thought that he heard something and watched the alley. He remembered the man from a few days ago and left towards his appartement. He took the elevator and opened his door. Michael entered his bedroom and wanted to undress. He bend over to untie his shoes as he felt a painful hit at the back of his head. Michael collapsed unconscious immediately.

As he woke up Michael noticed that something was tied around his ankles and wrists. Michael opened his eyes to see that he was tied to his bed, still wearing his suit and shoes. He tried to free himself until he noticed someone standing in the shadow of the corner.

"You wont be able to free yourself, even though you have those muscles.", a voice with a heavy accent said.

Michael knew that accent. It was the man from the alley.

"How did you get in here?", Michael shouted in disbelief.

"That doesnt matter.", he answered. "What matters, is that you didnt help me back then but now you will." He stepped out of the corner, revealing that he still wore his dirty clothes. "I lost my job because of you. Because you didnt want to lend me your suit."

Michael was shocked.

"But now I'm here for revenge.", he said with a devilish grin. "I mixed something together while you were at work." He walked over to a drawer and took out a bottle filled with a black liquid and a glass. He poured the liquid into the glass and sat down next to Michael. He grabbed Michaels throat causing him to open his mouth. The man poured the liquid into Michaels mouth and made him swallow it.

Michael felt how his body started to feel numb. He wasnt able to move anymore.

The man untied Michael and started to run his hand over his suit. He laid down next to Michael and pulled Michael towards him So that Michael was laying in the mans lap, between his legs.

"What are you doing? Stop that!", Michael said, trying to get his body to move.

The man let his fingers run over Michaels muscular body again. He played with Michaels nipples beneath the tight shirt.

Michael felt how the mans dick was rising and pushing against his back.

The man grabbed Michaels head by the back and pushed him forwards. He pulled of the suits jacket and let Michaels back fall against his belly. He took Michaels tie off and opened some buttons of the shirt. He pushed his hands beneath the shirt to touch Michaels abs. He took them out again and pushed them into Michaels pants. He fondled with his balls for some time until he pulled his hands out again.

The man pushed Michael to the side, left the bed and walked towards Michaels feet. He grabbed him by his ankles and pulled Michael towards him. He opened Michaels belt and pulled pants and underpants down to the ankle. He pulled his own underpants down, revealing a throbbing dick, and lifts Michaels legs into the air. He placed the legs onto his shoulders and strokes over Michaels otc gold-toe-socks and his hairy leg.

"Now you will feel how sorry you are for not helping me!", the man said grabbing Michael by the hips.

"Please, dont do this. Please.", Michael whimpers.

The man pushed his thick cock into Michaels hole. Michael mourned because of the pain. The man pushed in a fast rythm and shot his load into Michael. Happy with what he did to Michael, the man now stripped himself and Michael completely naked.

He took Michaels socks and put them on, followed by his underpants and pants. As he put on Michaels suit, Michael noticed a change in appearence at his own body and with the hispanic man. Michael himself started to loose his muscles and the hispanic started to loose his belly and gain muscles. The man giggled at Michaels surprised looking face. He put on the shirt, tugged it into the pants and tied the tie around his neck. At this point, Michael had lost all of his muscles and gained a small chubby belly. The man on the other hand now filled Michaels suit with his muscles.

"And now the finishing touch!", the man said.

He took both dress shoes and sniffed them. Michael could see how the dick moved beneath the pants. He was disgusted by the fact that the man managed to switch muscles just by putting on Michaels most beloved suit.

The man put both shoes on, bowed down and tied the laces. As he got up again. Michael looked at his own face. He didnt want to think about the fact, that he could look like the hispanic man now.

"Look at me. Dont I look fabulous?", the man said.

"Give me my body back!", Michael screamed. "You May look like me, bit you still have that heavy accent!"

The man giggled and ran his hands over his now muscular body. "Watch this.", he said.

He grabbed the jacket and put it on.

"How do I sound now?", the man asked with Michaels deep voice.

"Thats not possible!", Michael said. He was shocked as he heard himself with the thick accent the hispanic man had.

The man laid down again next to Michael and ran his fingers over Michaels now chubby body.

"I'll slightly miss this body.", he said. "But I'm more than pleased with yours Michael. Thanks to you I can now live a new life. I got a job again, where I earn enough money." He kissed Michael. "You know Michael, this wouldnt have happened to you, if you'd helped me back then. I would've returned your suit, but you were greedy. Now I'll live your life and help people. But before I start, I have to get rid of you tomorrow."

The man leaves Michael on the bed. Now standing in the doorframe, the man turns around one last time. "You have great taste in suits.", he said, rubbing his dick beneath his pants.

"As soon as I manage to move again, I'll find you and take my body back!", Michael shouted.

The man gigled, turned the lights for the bedroom off and closed the door. Michael was all alone in the dark.

#body switch #male body switch #body swap #male body swap #male possession #possessed #possession #male body transformation #male transformation #bodysuit

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 3 years

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Yes ! Can you maybe do an imagine where the reader breaks up with Will because they dont think they’re good enough for him ?? But with a happy ending where they get back together because he really wants to be with them

Of course, sweet Anon!😊 Man, y'all really love angst lmao In retrospect, this might be a bit too angsty😬I blame Bo Burnham's Inside

This imagine is going to be really depressing, like a lot. There will be mentions of attempted suicide and self harm so, SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING.

~~~~~~~~~~

It had been over a year since you broke up with Will.

You'd never felt more depressed in your life, but you thought it was the right decision at the time. What bullshit that turned out to be...

Your crippling insecurity forced your mind to think you didn't deserve to have someone as amazing as Will, he was so thoughtful and you were so, well, so dependent.

You weren't in the best stage of your life when you met Will, you were in a really dark place and you had even more trouble getting out of it. You haven't really made much progress since then, but you tried.

You just wanted to feel better for once. Every day, you just felt like you were drowning and taking Will with you.

He was your rock, and he made sure that he was right beside you every time you felt bad. Of course, being an actor, he had to go away sometimes and you always told him that you'd be fine. You weren't, of course, but you were always so happy for him whenever he'd book a film or TV show because it made him happy.

There were days you just felt numb, mostly when Will wasn't with you. Those days you'd just lay in your bed, sob uncontrollably until the exhaustion would put you to sleep.

Will felt helpless, and you could always see it on his face. He was worried about you, he wanted to help you, but it wasn't something that he could change or do anything about. Him worrying about you day and night made you feel even worse, that was not what you wanted for him. He deserved to be with something that lifted him up and encouraged him, not someone who's depressing all the time and unintentionally bringing him down with them. No...you didn't want that for him at all.

It was inevitable, but it didn't make it any easier to break up with him.

Will's heartbroken face would forever be engrained in your mind, but you kept telling yourself it was in his best interest.

You cried the hardest you ever cried in your entire life. You loved him so much, you didn't want to let him go, but you couldn't let your toxicity ruin his life. And you honestly thought that it would get better in time, but it only made your mental state deteriorate ever more.

One night, when the pain got too hard to handle, you took and broke your shaving razors, taking out the blades.

In hindsight, you really wished you hadn't, you felt embarrassed about it for the longest time. But trying to look on the bright side, it did force you to finally get the professional help you needed. Therapy, medication, the whole nine yards. You kicked yourself for not getting yourself help sooner, because you felt better now that you were going to therapy.

You still struggled a lot, but you knew once you found the right medication, it would become more bearable, and it did eventually. It took a lot of hard work.

You thought about Will a lot, what he was up to, if he found someone else that he loved. The thought was painful, but all you wanted for him was to find true happiness.

One day, you decided to go out to a coffee shop one morning, as opposed to just Postmateing yourself like you normally did. Your therapist did say you needed to get out more, so you took their advice.

You walked through town, a simple little coffee shop catching your eye. The name sounded familiar to you, though you couldn't quite place why. You didn't think you'd been to this place before, you usually made your own coffee, but you wanted to give it a try.

The light ring of a bell filled your ears as you opened the front door. It was a really cold morning, so the warm heat hitting your skin and inhaling the strong smell of coffee and freshly made bakeries put a small smile on your face.

You were thankful that there wasn't a line, possibly to early in the morning, maybe you got there before the usual early birds. Though looking around, it was a small place, only a few book readers scattered amongst the small tables that were set up opposite of the counter where you ordered.

While waiting for your coffee, a wall full of art caught your eye. You walked closer to look at all the pieces, all of them painted by customers. Hmm, cute...

You didn't really acknowledge the bell ringing once more, signaling an arrival of another customer, to focused on the pretty art.

"Hey!" You heard one of the workers say cheerfully, probably addressing the new customer. "Your usual, Will?"

Your smile dropped. Ha, what are the odds, right?

"Yep, of course. Thank you."

Then, your heart dropped.

You recognized that voice anywhere. Now you knew why this shop sounded so familiar, it was Will's favorite place to get coffee, he had mentioned it to you before. Of course, of all the coffee places in town, you had to pick this one.

You slowly turned around, your heart beating out of your chest and almost coming to a complete stop once you laid eyes on his face. That face you always thought about, even in your dreams. "Wi-"

"Y/n!" You cringed as the coffee shop worker called out your name, telling you that your coffee was ready.

Will immediately snapped his gaze over to you, clearly having trouble believing it was actually you. You stood there awkwardly, having a hard time reading his expression. Was he mad? Sad? Happy?

"Y/n." Will almost whispered, taking a couple steps closer to you.

Will looked the same, just as handsome as when you last saw him. His eyes were locked onto you, looking you over in awe. He thought you looked so much healthier now, but always thinking that you look stunning, no matter the circumstance.

"How...how are you?" Will started, a small smile finally stretching across his lips. "You look," He chuckled softly, "amazing."

You looked down slightly when your face started to burn, all of your blood seeming to rush right to your face from one simple compliment. "Thank you." You said sheepishly. "You look amazing too, as usual."

Now it was Will's turn to blush, his easy to spot with his fair complexion. "Uh, do you wanna, maybe, sit down? Or we could go somewhere else, if you want to, that is. Don't feel pressured or anything." He rambled.

You smiled. "Yeah, sure." You grabbed your coffee and joined Will at the table he chose to sit at. "So, uh, how've you been?" You asked, taking tiny sips of your hot drink.

"Good, good. I'll be filming a new project soon, so that'll be fun." Will paused for a beat, then sighing despairingly . "I've been, uh, thinking about you. A lot."

"I've been thinking about you too."

"I kinda lied. I am filming something soon but, I haven't been good. Ever since we broke up, life just...kind of feels a bit grey now."

You frowned, biting your lip hard to keep tears from welling up in your eyes. "I'm sorry, Will..." You whispered. "I thought you'd be better off without me to drag you down. I was such a burden."

Will furrowed his brows, shaking his head with a frown. "No. You weren't dragging me down, I loved you, Y/n. I would've done anything for you. I know that you struggled a lot with your mental health, but I wanted to be with you through all that. I never thought you were a burden, not for a second."

"I just," You wiped an unwanted tear from your cheek, "I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship then. I've been working really hard on my health and now that I have a clearer mindset, I think it was probably for the best that I broke up with you when I did."

Will took a deep breath. "I respect that. I do. I'm happy for you, that you're better now. I don't want this to come off as selfish...but I still love you. I want to be with you. But I understand if you can't be in a relationship right now. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes if you'll let me."

You blushed furiously once more. At this point, you practically wanted to throw yourself at this man. You didn't care if it didn't work out again, you still wanted him, badly.

"I still love you too, Will. Always have."

Will smiled softly. "I don't want you to be my partner again if you're not ready."

"I don't know if I am, I'm still working on myself, but...goddamn I wanna kiss you so bad right now." You said, eliciting another blush and a shy laugh from Will.

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gent as you smiled widely at him, leaning closer. You almost shivered as his cold hands reached over to delicately trace your jawline, the gesture automatically putting you in a sort of trance where you could only look into his eyes.

"I really want to kiss you." Will giggled, fully cupping the side of your jaw. "May I?"

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gently connecting your lips with his.

Over a year of wanting and missing Will, you ignored your dislike of PDA, you've needed this for so long. The spark you always felt when you kissed him was still there, still giving you goosebumps along with an intense desire you definitely couldn't act on in this coffee shop.

Will pulled away, only to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes closed just relishing in the moment. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too." You chuckled breathlessly.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to rush back into things. We can take it slow if that's what you want."

This man was always such a gentleman, but it just made you even more eager to take him home with you.

"Right now, I don't think I'm capable of taking things slow." You said, a almost seductive tone to your voice.

Will smiled playfully, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "That's absolutely not taking things slow."

"How about we go to my place? Make up all the lost time?" You asked not as confidently, the feeling of rejection making you nervous, but Will smiled gently, taking a hold of your hand and kissing you once more.

"Lead the way."

~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed! Hopefully it wasn't too depressing and dark in the beginning.

#will poulter #will poulter imagine #will poulter x reader #tw depression #tw sh #trigger warning

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dylansslutt · 3 years

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S.S smut : “no humanity “

I GOT ANOTHER REQUEST !!! Guys I don’t think you understand how happy this makes me . I started writing at 14 on Wattpad and I recently got back into it and just been on Tumblr and all of y’all been so kind and I’m getting request it’s been so duckinf nice . Here’s a nice rough steamy Stefan Salvatore. Also he has no humanity so u know it’s finna be ROUGH

Warning: use protection DONT catch a std. also sadly some guys don’t fuck like we write so enjoy your imagination loves

Being Caroline’s sister hasn’t been easy. Especially since she’s turned, you still being human .

Stefan Salvatore was your best friend, kinda your crush but since him and Elena are over. (Her getting w Damon) things have taken a turn.

You walk through the Salvatore boarding house without even knocking, which you usually don’t do anyways.

Stefan was on his ripper mode. No humanity. Which you don’t think he’s fully turned it off but his asshole of a personality was definitely on display.

“Hello! I’ve arrived. Come entertain your guest please!” You yell out heading straight for the bourbon. Did you forget to mention you just broke up jeremy? Yeah y’all two been dating for over a year during all this mess when he found out around the same time as you.

But you just found him making out with Bonnie so the first destination you went was the Salvatores.

You sigh pouring yourself another shot, downing it like the first. You were sad. You really were, you put a lot of effort and trust into Jeremy just for him to turn around and betray you. You laugh softly to yourself, “like brother like sister” you think to yourself.

“You aren’t a guest, y/n. You’ve been here like a thousand times.” Stefans voiced from behind you making you jump.

You roll your eyes, “where’s Damon?” You question and Stefan clenched his jaw.

“With Elena.” You swallow nodding, before turning to pour yourself a third shot. Damon’s bourbon really coming in handy.

“Want one?” You question Stefan not looking him in the eyes.

Stefan goes to decline but you turn towards him with a glass you already poured for him.

“Wasn’t really a question.” You hand him the glass, he chuckles.

He took a sip before you sigh falling onto the couch. Stefan observes you for a second taking in the change of mood you are in.

“You okay?”

You sigh, “I meannnn” you drag out, “besides walking in on my best friend making out with my boyfriend- I mean ex boyfriend. No, I’m good” you shrug.

Stefans eyes get wide, “Jeremy cheated? On you?”

You hummed, “mmmhmmm. and he had no shame in his game.” You finally swallow your shot.

Stefan stands there looking at you. “DONT get worried on me Stefan. I thought you were in ripper mode.”

“You still are my best friend, y/n.” You bite your lip to keep your feelings at bay. You are upset, you aren’t gonna lie but there’s no point on being upset right now.

You stand up, walking up to Stefan. “I’m fine.” You throw a fake obnoxious smile on your face, before rolling your eyes turning around and pouring more in your glass.

“I think you should slow down.”

“I think you should fuck off”

You turn around downing the drink. It really hitting you know how many shots you had. You don’t really drink but right now anything helps numb the pain.

“Oooo I have a idea.” You slurred giggling.

Stefan rolls his eyes. “Yeah for you to stop drinking.”

“Hey ! You are no fun. You are supposed to be all rippery and fun. Not acting like my dad. Who’s already dead.” You glare at him.

“Why don’t you wanna talk about it?” He stares into your eyes and you can feel yourself starting to get emotional so you turn around to not face him.

“Because what’s the point? I wasted a fucking year being with him. Just to get cheated on.” You laugh. “I’m just tired honestly.” You confess.

Stefan is right behind you, turning you to face him. You wipe your eyes laughing. “I feel so stupid.”

Stefan shakes his head. “You aren’t stupid, y/n.”

You stare at him trying so hard not to cry.

“Why am i not enough that he choses her? Why is that when I like someone it’s a fuck you? Why can’t someone just choose me?” You confess/question.

Stefan stares down at you before slamming his lips onto yours.

You freeze for a second before kissing him back, just as hard. You pull away to catch your breathe, staring into his eyes.

“Why did you do that?” You question

“Why do you think?” Stefan smiles.

You push him off turning around to grab your bag. “If you are just tryna make me feel better Stefan you are doing a fucking horrible job” you mumble

You don’t need Stefan to try to make you feel better . Not like this. You always liked him and for him to do this just when your upset isn’t fair. You don’t want pity.

Stefan grabs your waist pulling you towards him, kissing you again. “Jeremy is young and stupid. He doesn’t realize what he had, what he just lost. But I do, y/n. You are too damn good to let some teenage boy make you feel less than what you are.”

You stand there still not sure if the alcohol was making you feel funny or stefans words.

Without hesitation you kiss him. His hands slip under your ass lifting you up. You moan into his mouth as he slams you against the wall.

One of his hands grips your throat, and you felt your Pussy throb ! (I’m sorry but bitch my pussy throbbed if Stefan ever choked me WOO)

Your hair flew and your eyes open and now you are in stefans room. He throws you down on the bed with a plop.

He takes his shirt off and you’re eyes go wide. Your head falls back on the bed in amazement. He walked forward leaning down to kiss you.

His hands rip your shirt down the middle. You slap his chest.

“I fucking liked that shirt, ass.” He smirked kissing your jaw.

“I’ll compel someone to get you a new one.” You giggle.

His lips going farther and farther down. He yanks down your shorts leaving you bare. His hands gripping your thighs. Hard

You moan at the feeling. He kisses your inner thigh before the tip of his nose brushes against your clit. Your hands reach for his hair.

He kitty licks your clit, before slowly inserting a finger. Soft slow movements, making you ache for more.

“Stefan, please.” You whine

“Please what?” He looks up towards you. The view of him in between your legs almost making you cum right there.

“Fuck me.” Your eyes connecting.

Stefan flips you over on your stomach, you hear shuffling before his tip enters you. You gasp at the feeling.

Stefan was huge, way bigger then Jeremy. He slams into you gripping your hair, making you moan out in pleasure.

His hands trail down to your neck, squeezing it softly. His pace picks up, the only sound filling the room was his hips slapping into your ass.

You let out a loud moan, “oh fuck.”

Stefans hands are now on your tits, pinching your nipples.

Stefan picks you up turning you around, your back hits the wall. He renters you making you gasp. His tongue sliding in your mouth.

His hips moving forward at incredible pace. You felt your legs start to shake.

You bite his shoulder, moaning. “Fu-fuck. I’m so close.” You mumble out.

One hand hold you up as another slides in between your legs, rubbing your clit.

You bite his shoulder hard, blood drawing. You cum hard, but Stefan wasn’t done with you yet.

He throws you back on the bed, putting your legs over his shoulder. His pace even harder and faster than before. He fills you up so good.

His hands all over you, gripping your throat, breast, thighs. HES devouring you.

Your shaking under him, can’t even catch your breathe. A loud slap echoes his room, stinging sensation on your ass.

“You look so good when you cum.” His voice in your ears.

His teeth sink into your shoulder, drawing blood. You moan not even noticing the pain.

His eyes darken, “you like being fucked like this?”

You are so out of it you can’t even make a coherent sentence.

A slap on your face makes your eyes open. Stefan still pounding into you, not losing eye contact.

His voice deepened, “answer me!”

“Yes, i love when you pound into me.”

Stefan rolls his eyes, “I bet you do, you like being fucked like a slut DONT you?”

He flips you over on your stomach again. Stopping all actions. You whine, shoving your ass towards him.

SLAP!

His hand leaves your ass, he smirks to himself seeing his print turn up red.

He grips your hair pulling you closer to him before he starts pounding into you again. Your legs are already shaking, you are completely in heaven.

His hands all over your ass as he continues his endless pounding.

Stefan moans, gripping you harder towards him. His breathe on your back. Hes gotta be close with the way he keeps gripping you harder.

You cum a second time.

Your eyes roll back in your head.

Stefan slows down before pulling out landing beside you. You can’t move.

You let out a giggle after a few minutes of regaining your breathe.

“Feel better?” Stefan questions kissing your temple. You hum in response, laying right where you were left.

#stefan salvatore #tvd #tvd fic #tvd fanfiction #tvd smut #stefan Salvatore smut #the vampire diaries

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shlutnutt · 3 years

Text

𝙍𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 5.

this is my first ever smut and probably any writing in general so dont expect it to be the best loll.. hope you enjoy though :) !!!

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴!! : 𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘵, 𝘬𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘦𝘹?, 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘤𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨

ight so boom.

Mr. March continued staring at your pretty face, analyzing and tracing every single one of your soft unique features with his gaze, completely mesmerized and in hunger. You weren't in the mood due to some hotel customers ding dong ditching every door they'd lay their eyes on causing lots of complains. The feeling of annoynce started to rise within you causing you to attempt to snap him out of his dreamy fantasy. His room dark and quiet, the chat you were both having, was soon ready to turn into an avalanche.

"What the fuck, James. Stop staring at me." you snapped raising your voice slightly with confidence. His mesmerized stare quickly transformed into a deep frown, feeling absolutely disrespected. His goal was to intimidate you, to make you beg for forgiveness as he got up from his creaky antique sofa heading behind his work desk carefully leaning down opening one of the bottom drawers. Fully invested you follow his every move, eager to find out what's in his creative murder mind this time.

"Listen to me Y/N... Didn't we talk about disrespecting daddy? I thought we did. Didn't we?" James questions in pure elegance and lust, jingling the heavy handcuffs he had in hand. Your breath got caught in your throat, immediately regretting your previous outrageous comment, predicting what were to happen next giving the best to your ability to not make a single comment, facial expression, or nervious body language to prevent giving him any sort of satisfaction. Making James upset was one of your many favorite hobbies, knowing the effect it has on him and will most definitely have on you also, its like going on a never ending roller coaster, only that this roller coaster is full of teasing and is absolutely stunning. Silence filling the room with an unbreakable stare you both hold, you slowly press your legs together feeling your innocence get wetter by the minute. "Get up" demands James, scanning your every move as you get up from your seat and slowly walk towards him nervousness filling every single flesh in your body. "Yes, daddy?" You automatically innocently question, remembering how much he loved that word slip out of your lips.

The two of you now inches away from eachother, a small seductive smirk appearing on his delicate pink lips. Leaning down to your ear James sassed "You think you can go 5 rounds today, my dereast?" Unsure you responded to his rhetorical question "Of course I can why would you thi-" James smashes his lips onto yours, leaving you breathless. Carefully and discretely putting your hands behind your back as he handcuffs you. He chokes you, hard. Making sure he leaves marks for days, you squeeked in shock realizing that your hands had been handcuffed and your under James' harsh chokehold. March breaks the kiss only to pull your chin down slightly opening your mouth spitting on your tongue and going back to kiss you, tasting him in your mouth, your lips feel painfully numb from the harsh kisses you two shared, shifting slightly from his lips you feel a harsh stinging from James' harsh touch against your cheek, you groan in pleasure loving how aggressive he's gotten with you.

"Get on your knees, my pretty little slut" Still handcuffed you drop down to your knees almost immediately, soaking wet and ready for whats to come next.

"Listen to me, beautiful. You are not to make a single sound. Okay? If you do, I'll make sure I bring everyone from this entire hotel into this room and let them watch how I fuck you." You look up at him totally mesmerized by his masculine beauty ignoring his comment for a second, you pause a little just to admire the man who's soul you were about to suck. You open your mouth signaling James that you were ready for his hard member. He begins grinding his hips lightly against your tongue, you grew in desperate need as his clothed member brushed up and down your tongue. You've been doing a great job following James' intructions until a delightful deep groan slipped out of James, making you want to orgasm in that instant. He was aware of the effect that had on you so he proceeded his deep groans and began taking off his buttoned up shirt, revealing his sweaty toned chest and abs. You were driving crazy and attempted to unzip his pants with your teeth in which you failed miserably, "So needy.. hm?" James exhales, his cock still rubbing on your face completing your attempt for you allowing his member to spring up lightly tapping his stomach and back down to your forehead . You didnt think twice before slipping his tip into your mouth, teasing him lightly as a result from him teasing you beforehand.

"Oh fuck, Y/N.. You're doing so good." James praises. You now sucking him fully and uncontrollably, his deep lustfilled moans traveling through the dullness of his room. You groan slightly to his moans completely forgetting about his previous warnings, you feel him pull out of you and harshly pulling you up by your throat. Without a word leaving his lips he harshly throws you onto the bed and uncuffs you, searching for another pair of handcuffs as he aggressively handcuffs you again onto the antique bed frame this time that sat behind his bed. A smirk not leaving your lips as you teasingly exclaim "Come on, daddy. Let them watch how you fuck me." James seem to be distracted with something which you paid no mind to but immediately teleports your way and rips all of your clothes apart throwing every item of your clothing to their own direction, leaving you butt naked. Your wetness now leaking onto James' bed who doesn't stop staring at your innocence for a second.

"You're so wet for me already, gorgeous?" James teases as he swipes two fingers through your folds collecting your juices making you clench in pleasure. You watch him as he sucks your juices off of one of his fingers, leading his other one to your mouth allowing you to taste yourself as well. You sucked his finger dry, as he carefully watched you. "Mmm, I would like some more" You hear James groan as he leans down to your leaking innocence and shaky legs, slowly opening your thighs allowing him to have full access to whats been needing him the most. James licked your cunt once causing you to moan pathetically not caring about his previous demands. The pulling on your handcuffs and James' tongue ultimately exploring your sweet insides, driving you closer and closer to your high giving you a huge feeling of ecstasy sending shock waves through your entire body it was unbelievably astonishing.

"Knock, knock! I gathered everyone... Mr. march. We're ready for the meeting.." You hear a familiar feminine voice say in utter confusion as they hear your helpless moans from the other side of the hotel door. Your eyes opening wide in shock, knowing exactly what the psycho eating you out had just done. You feel him get up, you stare at the ceiling for a few seconds in pure embarrassment knowing what was to come as you see James unzipping his pants once more, sneaking his hands under your sweaty naked body to flip you over all in one swift motion. You were now faced down on the humid bed, your back arched in natural tradition. You look back to James slapping your ass.. hard. Causing you to close your eyes tight feeling the harsh sting as he kissed it afterwards. You later hear shifting sounds from behind, making you look back once again. You encounter James with a sharp classic knife in hand, pure lust in his eyes as you see his chest moving up and down aggressively. James had a knife play kink. He loved to see your body quiver in fear as he traced the blade down your body lightly cutting you at times, he admired licking your blood clean as you cry under his touch. He's James Patrick March, nothing too surprising coming from him.

"Are you ready for our guests, my pretty little thing?" Another rhetorical question drops from his lips. Your body aching in eagerness for James, you hear footsteps and whispers from behind you. You don't dare look in pure embarrassment. Closing your eyes tightly in discomfort you feel a familiar thick touch against your folds, making you softly whimper in need. James smashed himself into you not giving you any time to adjust to his size, rapidly thrusting and groaning against your powerless self, your orgasm soon approaching to the experience you were feeling. The crowd watching, James fucking you nonstop and pressing the blade up and down your back softly while you're handcuffed to the bed frame made the desirable experience surreal, making you cum. Your juices coating James' member as he pulls out to lick you clean and go back in. A few people from the crowd had left in disbelief and shock as a few others stayed to enjoy the show such as Mr. Wu and the pornstars, taking mental notes. James fucked you again and again, making you cum again and again until he was on his last round.

Round number 5.

Your body completely exhausted melting to James' aggressive penetration into your now sensitive warmth, made you beg for him to stop. Causing him to thrust a couple more times, before pulling out and nutting on your back. The warmth of his cum on your back giving you a feeling of relief. "Uncuff m-me.. plea- please.." you suggested barely even being able to speak. "Of course sweetheart, you should've asked before" he smiled at you innocently as if he wasn't going to punish you for if you asked such thing. He uncuffs you, wrists red and nearly bleeding, you collapse onto him and hug him tightly tearing from your exhaustion. James realizes you've begun getting vulnerable under him and asks everyone to leave.

"Bath?" James asked innocently, as if he didnt just made you cum 5 times all in one night.

"Yeah.. bath" you answer. Smile forming on James' soft cheeks, dimples appearing.

"Hey, can we not do that again?" you ask. James looks up from his blade which he had been fidgeting with to your face in confusion. "The everyone watching me thing." you specify. Causing a chuckle to fall from his lips. "You told me to, dear. Remember?" You then laugh, remembering that you in fact did tell him to, pushing him playfully which causes him to look up at you, serious expression on his face. You look at him also, breaking the eye contact quickly realising you've fucked up.

"Round 6?"

"Oh God, no James."

#evan peters #smut #ahs fanfiction #ahs imagine #ahs hotel #ahsfx #american horror story #james patrick march #dirty talk #kinkystuff #kinkyaf #imagine #imagines #fanfic #james march #jpm #jpm x reader #x reader

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ix-baby · 3 years

Text

Your Eternal Protector

I was standing there waiting for Levi and his squad to return. This was suppose to be a quick sweep but more squads ran off because Titans had appeared. I trust and believe Levi is strong enough, but he was always so worried to take care of his comrades that he could be caught off guard. Hange made me stay behind because they worried I would act irrationally.

“What if he’s hurt?”

“No, you know he’s not, stay back and aid anyone that heads back this way.”

“Hange,”

They looked at me and shook their head reassuring me they’ll make him priority

In two weeks we’re getting married I need him back home. My nerves wouldn’t let me sit so I headed down to see what was needed.

“Levi help me choose a color for the bouquet,” I smiled as I walked into his office.

“Y/N,” he frowned.

“Oh come on you know you wanna choose,” I teased. “It’ll take you like 5 seconds you always know what you want.”

“Only thing I want is to see you walking down the aisle,” he smiled softly. “Plus its your bouquet.”

“But I want you to help me,” I frowned.

He finally gave in and sat up to listen to my ideas.

Time passed and more and more soldiers came home injured. I lost myself in helping them. My mind had drifted from worry to making sure everyone was bandaged up and being taken care of.

Armin came in with a cut down his forearm. Right away I sat him down and tended to him. I avoided any questions. I know what it’s like out there. Levi and I switch off when its small plans like these because in the bigger battles we both have no choice but to be there as Captains. Today was only suppose to be a sweep.

“I said I’m going today Y/N,” he turned to me with a stern look on his face.

Although his glare hurt, his eyes were always mesmerizing, even when angry.

“Okay fine,” I turned towards the desk to clean up the reports scattered across my desk.

He let out a sigh of frustration. I rolled my eyes and continued to clean up. I felt him come behind me and I felt his arms snake around me.

“It’s and easy sweep today, I’ll come right back and we can bathe together tonight okay? Just please, I can’t leave if you’re mad at me,” he whispered into my neck.

“I love you Levi, please be safe.” I turned and smiled as I wrapped my arms around him.

“I love you more beautiful,” he said as he planted a soft kiss on my lips.

Easy.

I headed into one of the rooms to retrieve more bandages for Armin’s arm and I heard someone come in behind me. I turn to see Erwin and I dropped everything and ran to hug him.

I clung onto him crying out of relief to see a familiar face.

I turned to face him and I placed my hands on his face, “Where is he?” I smiled and tried to go to the door

“Hold on,” he grabbed me and pulled me back to him

My heart instantly dropped. My smile faded instantly and I stared at him.

His eyes couldn’t meet mine as he began speaking.

“Y/n, Levi was trying to save me,” my vision blurred completely and all I heard was muffled talking.

“We brought him back but he’s gone.”

“No he’s not. He’s right out there, Erwin it’s Levi not a new recruit. He’s always comes home to me,” I choked. My throat numb from holding back tears. “Please tell me he’s out there.” I pushed him back.

“Erwin please! Where is he?” I turned and ran out. I ran through the hallways to reach the courtyard.

Jean, Connie, Mikasa, and Hange all surrounded a body covered by a white cloth.

I froze. I looked at them in disbelief. My body, my mind, all went numb in an instant. Hange and Jean both ran to me and caught me. Everything was in slow motion. I just remember my throat burning from the screaming and my chest aching.

Connie and Mikasa watching me wide eyed standing next to Levi.

Suddenly I woke up. I was back in my room. It was dark out. I was drenched in sweat.

It was only a nightmare. I felt his body next to mine. I reached over to wake him up, in moments like these he always wakes up to help me sleep.

As soon as I touched him he jerked up and I realized it wasn’t Levi.

“Erwin?” I choked out.

“I stayed to make sure you were okay. I had to lay down because you were looking for him and maybe this would help.” His eyes swollen and dark.

It wasn’t a dream.

I only remember portions of it. Jean walking me over to see his face one more time. Erwin coming to get me. Hange getting me a sedative to calm down.

This can’t be happening.

I let out a loud cry once again. Erwin clung me to his chest while I shook and sobbed uncontrollably.

Connie ran in worried I was alone.

“Captain are you okay?” His voice out of breath.

I felt Erwin wave him away.

Hange came in. Connie must have told them. They stood by the door for a few minutes. Despite my continuous sobbing I was still very aware of who was in the room. Hange, Erwin, everyone but Levi which I needed the most.

I finally stayed quiet and Hange spoke up,

“Y/N,” their voice whispered as they walked over to the bed. “He left you a letter.”

A letter? When did he write this? Did he know today was going to be dangerous? Is that why he wanted to fucking leave? Is this why he was so adamant on him going instead of me.

I finally looked up and Hange held out the letter.

I struggled to bring myself to open it. I looked at Erwin and Hange one last time and slowly opened it.

Y/N,

My love I am so sorry. I don’t mean to leave you my love. I never planned for any of this to happen. Im so sorry. If i can leave you anything to carry forever let it be this letter. I rewrite this every once in a while. I wrote the first one when you became mine, then again when we said our first I love you. Every year that passed just in case I needed to add something more. This time I rewrote it to let you know how in love with you I am. When I look at you I feel at peace. When i heard your voice I feel like nothing can harm me. When I see you walk into any room, even when we’re angry, my heart fills up with pure happiness. When you touch me I feel my body fill with love and admiration. You have gone through so much and Im sorry Im putting you through more. You dont deserve this. You’re strong. Please survive this. Erwin and Hange will be there but I want you all to hold each other together. I have always admired your courage. I need you to be brave for me one last time. I attached a copy of my vows to this letter just in case. I want you to have them. I love you y/n never forget that.

I looked inside the envelope to find his vows.

“My love are you in there?” I asked as I pushed the door open.

“No! Don’t come in,” he said in a stern voice.

“Oops,” I said as I walked in. “Don’t be mad please, I’m just bringing you some lunch I know you haven’t ate.” I noticed he moved reports on top of something he was writing.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“N-nothing,” he stuttered. “I thought we made a rule about knocking in case we were doing any wedding stuff.” He quickly said.

“Oh so its wedding stuff huh?” I smirked.

“Out.” he scolded me.

“Fine, I’ll knock next time. I love you Ackerman.” I smiled and reached over to kiss his forehead.

He looked up and smiled at me. It was so innocent. What have you done to me Ackerman.

From the moment I met you to today my love has grown for you more and more. I vow to continue to fall in love with every single part of you. To love and protect you from anything that harms your mind, body, or soul. I vow to care for you and be by your side every step of the way. I vow to be your light, your shoulder to cry on, and your motivation. Together we are better than alone. My whole life I knew I was missing something and once you came along I felt complete in this chaos. I vow to be with you always and forever however it may be. Your eternal protector.

He can’t be gone. Not my love.

#levi ackerman #levi #lexi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #hange #erwin #connie #mikasa #aot

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sinnergetreadymp3 · 3 years

Text

CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC

Uhhhhh I feel like I should give this a title but I have no idea what to call so uh, nevermind !!

Anyways,I finally finished the fic I said I was writing like,a month ago lol. All my Chameron stans out there this one's for u,I rlly hope at least one person enjoys this,I rlly enjoyed writing it !! Ok sappy stuff outta the way,here it is:

As rain pounded against the window Charlie sent what was probably the thousandth crumpled ball of paper across the room.

"Jesus Charlie,is your arm not getting tired?"

Charlie smirked at that, clearly preparing to make a dirty minded joke,but a thoroughly exhausted Richard Cameron was already one step ahead.

"You know what,forget I asked, you're gross."

Getting up from the seat at his desk and ignoring an indignant retort from Charlie, Cameron thought of the rest of his friends,out for the weekend. Todd and Neil celebrating their one year anniversary, Meeks and Pitts embarking on a two day road trip,for what they still claimed to be, entirely platonic reasons (although the rest of the poets were all too aware of the almost palpable romantic tension between them). Even Knox had found something to do with himself on this miserable Friday night.

And here Cameron was,stuck in his dorm with nothing but stacks of extra homework and his obnoxious roommate to keep him company.

Speaking of that obnoxious roommate, "Oh come on Cam,you're not seriously going to bed already,it's barely eight!"

"Shut up Dalton,I'm tired."

Refusing to admit defeat, Charlie sprung from his own bed into Cameron's, attempting to wrestle the poor boy from his comfortable position.

"Charlie,get off you psycho!" Cameron managed to get out, already laughter threatening to give away just how welcome his friend's childish antics were.

After a few more minutes of "fooling around" as Charlie insisted on calling it (mostly because of how profusely it made Cameron blush),the two boys lay breathless beside each other,trying desperately to think of something else to do that would ward off impending boredom.

After a few moments of comfortable silence,Charlie suggested,looking expectantly towards the ginger, "Wanna go to the cave?"

With extreme,mind numbing boredom as motivation, it was inevitable that Cameron would say yes. It certainly helped that Charlie was gazing at him with those oh-so convincing doe eyes of his. Charlie Dalton and his stupid,gorgeous eyes. And his stupid,gorgeous smile,which Cameron was abso definitely not thinking about as he got up and grabbed his coat.

The two boys trudged through the woods,bickering lightly when Cameron complained of the cold that Charlie apparently couldnt feel at all,but always with an unusually friendly air between them. Before long they were sat together in the middle of the cave,sharing an apple that Cameron had managed to salvage from somewhere (a feat Dalton was of course impressed by),and trading stories of girls and parties galore. In Cameron's case, the stories of girls were few and the parties were from years long before even middle school,so Charlie did most of the talking.

After a while though,the boys came to discussing their friends,and the luck they all seemed to have in finding each other so easily. Charlie, ever the romantic,made no waste of his extensive vocabulary,tediously lamenting on all the opportunities of love he had missed and the everlasting loneliness he was doomed to,all because his dashing knight in shining armour would never come to find him and-

"Why dont *you* just find somebody?"

Charlie,still sprawled dramatically over a rock ,and mildly offended at the interruption,indignantly questioned "What do you mean?"

"What I said? You dont just have to wait around for somebody to come find you and fall madly in love. Why don't *you* just find somebody?"

He thought for a moment,taken aback by the ginger's harsh words,but eventually decided to humout him for a moment.

"And where exactly do you suggest I find him then, hm?"

Cameron shifted in his seat,not expecting to be taken seriously and certainly not prepared to be giving advice. Especially not *this* kind of advice. Especially not to *charlie*.

"Well,uh," he looked up to see the other boy looking at him expectantly,with that ever-present smirk on his face that, oddly enough,made Cameron feel a little more comfortable.

"Maybe,you could,I don't know, consider that the guy you're looking for has been here the whole time?"

"Wow Cam,Pittsie and Meeks' radio must've really gotten to you. All those love songs have turned you into a big softie." Charlie joked,grinning and nudging Cameron playfully.

Through a soft laugh,Cameron continued, "No I'm serious man,I think you're making this whole love thing way harder for yourself. I mean- and be honest with me, what's actually wrong with the guys at our school?"

"Other than the fact that about three quarters of them are raging heterosexuals?"

Laughing again,Cameron replied "yeah,other than that."

After about zero seconds of careful consideration,he had come to a conclusion, "Well,I guess nothing,but I dont know? Cameron, I don't see how this changes-"

"It *changes* things because clearly you don't anything about half the guys at our school. And you can't write off people you don't even know." At some point, Cameron had gotten up and started pacing around,but with the end of this triumphant speech,he finally sat down,a little closer to the other boy than he had been before.

Charlie looked across at Cameron and was suddenly met with a wave of fondness. Weird,how all it took was to sit and talk for a while before someone you thought you near hated,started to feel like your favorite person in the world. And,was he going completely crazy or Cameron at his most comfortable, without the fear of a teacher lurking nearby,without the stress of constantly trying to prove himself,was he... A little..... attractive??

All at once,Charlie made a decision,partly to try and prove himself wrong,but also because hey,if Richard Cameron was the surprise love of his life,what better time to figure it out than right now?

"So how,sir Richard Cameron,do you propose I get to know all these charming suitors?"

Cameron, completely in the dark about Dalton's recent epiphany,was still stubbornly trying to explain how much easier Charlie's love life could be,if only he would let it.

"Well,maybe by actually talking to them? Y'know,kind of like,What we're doing right now."

"So,what you're saying is,*you* could be my knight in shining armor," he said with a smirk.

"Well,that's not what-"

"No,no it's fine,as long as we're talking about this version of you. Regular Cameron is kind of a buzzkill but Cave Cam is actually a kind of.... And I can't believe I'm saying this but,in here,like this...well. You're actually a little hot."

After this, overwhelmingly romantic confession, Charlie was certain he had completely stuffed it,and sure enough,

"Gee Charlie,thanks. Really makes me wanna ride into the sunset with you." To say Cam's ego had been hit was an understatement,but before he could make a swift exit from the cave and lock himself,alone,in his dorm for the rest of the weekend,of course Dalton kept talking.

"God,I'm sorry,that was, I have no idea why I said that. I thought I was being funny but out loud- god I'm so sorry," while he had initially been mad,seeing Charlie fucking Dalton blush (and because of *him* no less) was rather funny. And sure,a little cute. So Cameron decided to hear him out.

"Can I start over? You're not saying anything so I'm gonna start over. I,uh, I really do think you're hot. Like really hot. And not just right now,all the time,like that time we were at rowing practice and I started pushing you around and we ended up on the floor and I saw like,a single sliver of skin because your sweater had ridden up,and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day,which I thought was a little weird but then-"

"Uh,I think I get it,Charlie." Now Cameron was the one blushing.

"Uh,sorry. What I meant was,that I *do* think you're hot l-"

"As you've said"

"Yeah,yeah,but it's more than that. Like,when I realized we'd basically be spending the whole weekend alone together,I was actually sorta excited for that,even though I knew I'd just be sitting by you while you did homework the whole time,I like,wanted to do that. And tonight,I haven't talked like this with anyone who isn't Neil like,ever. What I mean is,I guess,is that,I think that uh,"

Deciding to lighten the mood,Cameron tried for a little sarcasm, "Wow,Dalton, stuttering? I must be superman or something."

"I'm trying to be romantic here Carrot top," Charlie said with a grin,

"Listen,I don't really know what I'm doing here,but I think it might be kinda nice if we tried having a little romantic weekend of our own. Just to try it. If it totally sucks we can pretend it never happened and the others don't have to know about it and-"

"Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"Relax," Cameron said with yet another laugh ,he didn't think he laughed like this since... Well,he couldn't even remember.

So with a radiant smile on his face,he said,"A romantic weekend of our own sounds amazing. Gotta warn you tho I'm not a great kisser."

"Well, lucky for you I am a great teacher," Charlie replied,with a somehow even bigger smile on his face than Cameron's,

"Why are you laughing,I *am* a great teacher!" Unfortunately for Charlie,his indignance only made Cameron laugh harder.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"If you shut up and stop laughing,maybe you'll get to." After this was all it took to get the ginger to sober up, the look on his face pushed Charlie to make his final,but (in his opinion) most important decision of the night.It was high time he flirt with Cameron way more often (which was *very* difficult to explain to the other poets,at least the first time).

#yh i did proofread it #yh there probably r still mistakes #i was very nervous so #but yh uh #chameron #dps fic #dps chameron fic #dead poets society chameron #idk how to tag things properly if u couldnt tell from my other posts lol #anyway !! bye

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writefightandflightclub · 3 years

Text

Sink then float (Poe Dameron x GN reader)

Summary: Poe comes back from a mission to find that reader is experiencing a depressive episode, and he does what he can to take care of them while they’re sick. Hurt / comfort. Angst / slight fluff.

Author’s note: Was feeling super crappy at the start of the week (I’m ok now!) and this angst-bomb came out of me. Pleased to have finally written something, though it tackles a tough topic. I’ve tried to be as sensitive as possible while writing about depression, and while it’s something I have experienced in the past, of course it manifests differently for everyone. I have drawn on some personal experience to write this, but it is a fic. Therefore, it is necessarily outside of my direct experience, which opens up the possibility I may have gotten something wrong. Therefore, if you think there’s anything I’ve handled in a way that is harmful (even honest mistakes can be mistakes) I’m happy for you to send me an ask outlining this so I can correct and do better.

Warnings: It deals with reader in a depressive episode, and it is from reader’s POV. As such, it is pretty angsty, ngl, as reader’s thought process is in a bad place. The piece grows more hopeful as it progresses, and ends on a hopeful note, however it may still be difficult reading. I’ve actively tried to acknowledge in the text where reader’s thought-process is skewed by being sick e.g. when they say they are worthless, I’ve tried to directly counter this as it’s not objectively true. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel worse reading this, so I’ve tried not to validate reader’s most difficult thoughts (though what they’re going through is valid and it is valid for reader to be experiencing those thoughts)! That said, please take care when reading, as some of the feelings and thoughts set out may be triggering. Also, whilst there is no direct mention or suicidal thoughts or ideation, I am also warning for that, as there is some crossover in thought patterns. Ultimately, this is a fic about Poe being there to comfort reader, but reader finding that shred of hope inside themseleves, amidst feelings of hopelessness. I didn’t want to suggest that Poe could “fix” reader, so yes, they are still depressed at the end, but more comforted and hopeful than at the start. Sorry for all the warnings, but I wanted to be clear so you can make an informed decision on whether to read. Please stay safe!

GIF by @twillight. Yowzers, it’s PRETTY AF.

There’s no poetry any more.

There are only syllables. Vowels like an orange in your mouth. Consonants rattling between your teeth. You speak only of sleep. Your words hollow like a worn, sprung mattress; inviting rest but offering no comfort.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

There is no art any more.

Not even in a thousand burning suns. Not even as you tip your face up to the milky black. Not even in his face; that face you love. You look, and you feel numb.

Numb. Numb.

No music.

Birds sing. It’s just noise, ringing in the hollow of your body.

Noise.

You want to sleep. It is all you want, and you merely want it because you want nothing else.

No dance in your body. No motion; only stillness.

No fight left in you...

What is left, then?

Nothing?

Nothing left.

Yes.

Nothing but the robust pang of hunger.

Nothing but the parching thirst.

Nothing but this weight on your chest, pressing you to the bed.

Nothing but the refresher door taunting you because you can’t cross the chasm in five steps.

Nothing but the guilt and self-hatred, and false, invasive belief that you are worthless.

Guilt because you...

Can’t.

So much then? So much where there is “nothing”?

You are simply so full of empty that it has pushed everything good down. It has pushed you down until you are sunken. Until you are yelling at yourself from below water, sound muted.

Everything muted.

Colours. Feelings. Life. Love.

Worst of all, your love will be home soon.

Home and sleep is all you...

Home and you haven’t even...

You almost think about ...

You sigh.

You can’t.

You can’t complete the...

You feel nothing, and yet guilty tears fall to the pillow. A part of you understands you are not to blame for being sick, and still, there is this guilt.

You have him.

Poe. Poe. Poe.

So, shouldn’t you be happy?

Why can’t you be happy?

Love shakes the inside of your chest, rattling against the bars of your ribs and wanting to be known. Reminding you of what you lack. It hurts. Everything hurts when it flexes, even love. Especially love. It flexes and it feels only restriction. It feels only weight on its chest. Such pain.

He will be home soon.

You love him. You know this, intellectually. And yet, you don’t want to see him. Don’t want think of him. Because you don’t want to be seen by him.

Not like this.

You don’t want to let him down. You don’t want to break his heart by meeting his loving gaze so hollow. As if he is not sunshine. As if he is not a thousand suns blazing; and yet, instead of poetry and art and music in your heart when you think of him, there are mere syllables, images, noise. There are those vowels again, large like an orange in your mouth, consonants rattling in between your teeth as you cry muffled sounds into the pillow.

He’ll be home soon. You don’t know how soon. You don’t know how long you have layed like this.

Still, all you can do is lie empty, where the room brims with mess and misery and shadow.

All you can do is lie in this empty room, where you brim full with sorrow.

It is enough. This is enough. You are enough, though you can’t see it.

And so, because you can’t see it, can’t feel it, you bring your hands to your face, despairing. Your fingers find your hair, and it’s dirty.

You just want to sleep. You want to tug the covers back over your head and disappear but..

There is a rap at the door.

He’s home now.

A soft knock, then inistent.

He’s back.

After a week apart he’ll be so...

...disappointed to see you. At least, that’s what you mind is telling you to believe.

You turn away and close your eyes as he pushes through into the dark room. You cannot look at his sunshine. It is too bright, like the round circle of sun at the mouth of a deep well. You cannot look, so your eyes scrunch closed as he flicks on a lamp, and you hear his feet deftly pick through the mess on your floor.

You try not to look.

You try not to hear.

You try not to exist.

How can feeling nothing still hurt? How can you wish to feel even less than this, just to blunt your pain?

Still, you do feel something. You feel his sturdy weight settle on to the bed beside you.

You do hear. You hear him sigh.

Yes, he sighs, but it’s gentle, concerned, and his hand finds your shoulder, his touch like warm sand on your cold, goosepimpled skin. Rough and full of sunshine.That blessed sunshine you cannot -at the present moment-comprehend.

“Honey?” he asks, and you hear his voice, soft and tender. You hear his love, but you can’t feel it. No, you can’t.

His voice should ignite you. There should be blood moving beneath your skin but...

There is nothing. There is nothing in your mouth. Nothing but bones in your body.

“Honey, look at me, please?”

You peel your eyes open, bracing yourself for the disappointment you expect to find carved into his face. His eyes examine you, assess you, eyes flitting around the room to understand how bad things are. The state of you, the state of the room. The half-filled bottle of meds at your bedside- at least you’ve been keeping those up. That’s something. Something where you would insist there is nothing.

That look. That look in your eyes, your pupils like bleak, empty wells he tips his sunlight into, and yet he can’t reach the depths of you. Can’t warm all the way through, even as his eyes brim with tears and love.

He doesn’t look surprised, at least. He ran into one of the others first, then; Leia or Finn or Rey. They warned him. Warned him that you are worthless, a burden. No, you are not those things, you try to remember. They will have warned him that you are sick.

Suddenly, looking at him, you have words.

“I’m sorry,” you croak, your mouth as dry as sandpaper.

“Why in the hell are you sorry, baby?” he asks gently, surprised now, his eyes searching yours. How does he do that? How does he look at you as if you are beautiful, even like this? Perhaps you are beautiful, even like this. Yes, you are. He sees it when you can’t.

“Because I...” you look away from him and sigh, even these simple words taxing your energy,”...couldn’t....”

Couldn’t get out of bed.

Couldn’t want to.

Couldn’t be happy when he came home.

Couldn’t want to.

Poe doesn’t judge you though. Not for this.

He’s Poe. Of course he doesn’t. Poe knows that people are not to be judged on such blameless matters. People are not the sum of their illnesses and struggles. You are so much more to him. You are everything to him, in fact.

He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. Always will. That doesn’t change when you’re sick. Why would it? Why would it?

“You did just fine, honey,” he insists through a thin, watery smile. “I’m still proud of you. I’m still glad to see you.”

You look at him.

He looks back.

You know you should feel poetry in it, like all the other times he’s come home. When your skin and your heart and your breath and your words and your lips were alive. When your body danced with his.

“It’s bad this time?” he asks. “Like before?”

“I guess,” you croak.

You hate yourself. You hate yourself even though you dont deserve that hate for a second. You hate yourself for what you believe Poe must think of you, but you try to remember that your brain lies, and that Poe tells the truth. You try to remember everything he tells you over and over. You try to remember hope. Rebellions are built on hope, after all, and you? You are a Rebel; therefore, you know you must fight this too. A small, vanishing part of you knows that you can fight it, even if a louder voice in your head tells you you can’t. A voice with bad intentions. This sickness.

Still, you always promise Poe you’ll try. You always try. Have been trying. Even the refresher door becomes something that taunts you, a chasm between you and it as you try to make it there. You always try. Regardless, Poe’s always proud of you.

“Can I hold you?” he asks, his warmth and his unsurpassed beauty evident to you even now, even if it you cannot muster any ready response to it.

You shake your head.

“I’m disgusting.”

“Kriff, me too,” he says, his tone natural and easy, and refusing to shrink away from your pain- from the temporarary reality of you, as some do. “Came straight here. Five days on a mission without a shower? We can stink together,” he adds, with a tentative, lopsided smile, hoping to tease one from you too.

Poe has no trouble being hopeful, where that has never come easily to you.

Still, he’s here. He’s here at your side, all warm, sandy voice and his soft, loving eyes. Even if you had been convinced he would never come back. He is here. His rough hand is swooping over your cheek. Caring for you, even though he must be so tired himself.

Your eyes grow watery and your lower lip trembles. “I should be caring for you, you shouldn’t have to come back to me like this, after fighting...”

“Hey,” he protests, his voice hushed but his tone insistent. “You’ve been fighting too, baby. We both got our missions, yeah? If you ask me, I think you got the raw end of the deal.”

He’s perfect. He’s so perfect. You will the blood to move under your skin. You will your heart to ignite, but there’s nothing.

Correction; there’s nothing yet. It will come. It will get better.

Poe’s voice and eyes soothe you as you contemplate this. “There’s nowhere else I wanna be. I just wanna hold you. Okay, baby? Missed your beautiful face. Missed you so much. I’m kriffin’ lucky to come back to you.”

Missed your smile, he might have said. You missed it too. Misplaced it.

Forgot how to...

Your thought-spiral is interupted as Poe shifts slowly on the bed, and he curls his warm, sturdy body around yours, holding his beloved little spoon tightly.

He’s wrapped around you, but you wish you could feel him.

Still, as his arms wind around you to tug you into him, you clasp his forearms tightly against your chest. A part of you knows. A part of you feels. You know how important this is. That he is home.

“Mission go ok?” you ask in monotone.

“Yeah,” he says, exhaling a tired puff of air into the back of your neck.

You wish you could melt for him and comfort him in return. You try, at least.

You try, but you feel like a gargoyle carved from stone, sorrow frozen on you. Face locked in a grimace. What mason would be so cruel as this? To make this bitter emotion permanent as stone? However, as he squeezes you tighter, fits against you so naturally, so familiar... As he touches you, you remember you are, in fact, skin and bone. You remember, even though the memory may be distant, that although your heart is heavy now, it once was light.

If it once was light it can be that way again.

He kisses your hair, even though it is dirty. He breathes you in, even though you are not clean. He loves you, and even if you think you are broken, he thinks you are perfect.

You are perfect.

His body heat suffuses through you, and you hadn’t realised how cold you were, until he warmed you. Poe had noticed, though. Poe loves you.

“Have you eaten? Drank anything?” he whispers into your neck, after a moment of holding you in gratitude and breathing deep, relieved breaths.

“Finn made me eat something,” you say, almost embarrassed, even though you know Poe does not judge you. “Managed half a ration. It was... today? I think it was today, I don’t know...”

“That’s good, baby!” he praises, entirely genuine. You feel him shift on the bed behind you, sitting up with his back against the headboard.

“C’mere,” he encourages softly, bundling you into his chest, and producing a ration bar from the pocket of his flight suit. “Split this with me while I tell you about the mission, okay?”

“Okay,” you agree, and Poe can hear that you sound a little sceptical. You doubt you have the energy to engage with him.

“I’ll tell you all the funny and horrific stories of your boyfriend’s heroics this past week. Shall I do The Thing as well?” he asks, and you swivel your head to look-up at him, seeing him tick up an eyebrow, slightly amused.

“Yes please,” you say, and you even manage the barest of smiles.

Poe proceeds to tell you all about his week as you nestle into his chest, his voice flowing through you like warm sand, pouring in and filling up just a little of the emptiness inside you. He also does The Thing, and he intersperses his animated storytelling with “your” part too, so that you don’t have to worry about upholding a conversation. So that you only have to listen, and you don’t have to worry that you aren’t able to react as you typically would.

“That would be the bit right there you’d laugh,” he says as he recounts his finest dumbassery from the mission. A small smile inches over your face, as though you are rehearsing your own emotions. Trying them out. “Yeah, I think that one would be dumb enough to get a belly laugh from you.”

He continues.

“This would be the bit you would tear off my clothes because I’m a dashing badass,” he adds as he relays how he took down a ton of TIEs. “Yeah, definitely. You’d try to get steamy right about now.”

It might be odd, but it is a comfort. It doesn’t remind you what you lack. You feel less of a deficit this way, as it reminds you what you’re capable of. That it is not always like this. That you do not always feel like this.

Will not, as soon as you’re better.

“And you, honey? Mission report?”

You sigh, trying to think through what you have done, rather than what you haven’t. Even if the things to recount don’t sound as impressive as Poe’s, he always insists the battle is no less worthy. You are worth fighting for, after all.

“Well... I got a lot of sleep. Beebs made sure I took my meds.” It’s a short list, but what could be more important than that? The fact that you held on? Then, you have your first playful thought in days. “My love came home to me, and he thinks he’s all that, but he stinks pretty bad,” you tease, as if you weren’t in an entirely equal state.

“Kriff, you’re teasing me from your sick bed?” Poe’s chest shakes against you in gentle mirth. “Brutal, honey. Kriffin’ brutal.” You have a point though, he concedes. “We should both shower though, huh? Before someone catches a whiff and reports a possible herd of bantha in room z88?”

He clocks your trepidation as your eyes flick over to that taunting refresher door.

He squeezes your arm, and somehow manages to be encouraging without even a hint of being condescending. “Pretty far, huh? You can do it yourself tomorrow, but.. d’ya want your big strong man to carry you for now, baby?”

“Yes please,” you smile, and Poe shifts once again. First, he strips off his flight suit and tosses it aside, and then he peels back the covers and helps you to stand. Then, he helps you step out of your vest and pants, before swooping you up and carrying you the five paces to the refresher door, setting you down gently. You glance back at the rumpled bed, which still calls out to you, and although it is a short distance away, you feel like you have trekked across a damn galaxy.

Poe begins to run the water warm in the shower, casually handing you a fresh tumbler of water to sip on as he does so. Then, he takes your hand and eases you under the stream of water.

Poe’s broad hands lather up your body and your hair, feeling like an act of worship as he slowly, gently, washes days of rest away from you, without question. Without expecting anything from you in return except to let him- and even then, only if you want to. He then makes short work of rinsing off his own body, searching your eyes as he does so.

Water is a funny thing, you think- it can drown and it can cleanse. It can be gentle and forceful, deep and still or turbulent. After days of drowning, it feels good simply to be clean. To begin to rise to the surface.

You reach towards that circle of sunlight at the mouth of the well. You look a little deeper into his eyes. See a little further.

“A little better?” he asks.

You nod. A little better.

You step out with him, and even though he’s tired -ragged from this mission- he dries you off.

He changes your sheets.

He picks your dirty laundry up from your floor and throws it in the basket. He throws away your trash.

He let the light in.

Literally.

Then figuratively.

Yes, you still feel so heavy. So, so heavy.

But you know. A part of you knows that lightness will come again, if you just hang on. You can see it. You can see that light at the surface, still out of reach, but not forever.

You watch him as he cares for you in all these small ways and suddenly there are vowels and consonants pushing out from beneath your ribs.

“I love you,” you say as you perch on the edge of the bed, right where he seated you, not thinking to move.

He pauses, dropping what he’s doing and coming to kneel on the floor in front of you. Tenderly, ever so tenderly, he takes your face in his hands, and his warm eyes are as intense as you’ve ever seen him, as if he can’t believe that you fought hard enough to push this love out from the depths. For him. Even though you are so sunken. Even though you cannot do it for yourself yet.

“I love you too,” he promises, entirely earnest.

You push a small smile on to your face, even though you know you need not wear masks for him.

Yes, it got bad again, but it will get better.

You hang on, and that’s enough. More than enough.

You have to hang on, because there will come a day you’ll be so glad you did.

When everything in your chest rises up and gasps for air and lets you breathe again. You will break the surface and come back strong and eager for this life.

“It scares me when you’re sick. I love you so much.”

“I’ll be okay again,” you nod. “Or, I’ll try.”

That’s all anyone could ask of you. That’s all you can ask of yourself.

That is enough. More than enough.

You are enough. You are more than enough for him.

You look at him. He looks back.

His face. His face is art. You feel all those things; poetry, art, music, dance. They’re there. They’re just sunken. Muted.

Poetry is in the pauses too. The blank lines and empty spaces; in the missed beats. You will come back to yourself, and you will make new art. Feel new things. Things more full and replete with joy. Joy can clamber from out of the deepest wells, given time. It will. It will again.

“Can I kiss you?” Poe asks shyly. “Been desperate to kiss you,” he admits, the corners of his plush lips tugging up into a smile. He is sunshine. He is beautiful. Perfect.

You nod, and his lips meet yours, chaste and gentle, and not expecting anything in return.

You try your best to feel him. To feel at all.

You close your eyes and hope you will open your heart. It has begun, with a crack to let the light in.

There is fight left in you, even if you can’t see it. Even when you can’t feel it.

“I’m so happy to be home with you,” Poe says, and his words are greeted with silence.

That’d be the bit you’d usually say... I’m so happy too. But Poe offers his words freely, and you know he doesn’t expect anything from you in return. He doesn’t expect your happiness. He simply wants to give you his.

This is not a warm story, but he is warm.

Correction; this is not a warm story, not yet.

But, oh. Oh, it will be.

It was so, in the chapter before, and it will be, in the chapter which is coming.

And you? You will thaw, I promise. Not because of him. But because of you. Because you’re a fighter. Because no matter how long you may be sunken, you will float.

Poetry takes a breath sometimes. Misses a beat. It is not a waste. It is not worthelss, this pause. Sometimes it is needed. The big breath hope takes before it floats to the surface. So, maybe there is hope.

Yes. There’s hope.

There is hope.

Hope is like the sun. If you only believe it when you see it you'll never make it through the night. Isn’t that what Leia says?

You will make it through this night.

This is how you feel now but will not be how you feel forever. You are not carved from stone. You are a fluid thing; you are made of water. Sometimes, you can drown in yourself, and sometimes you can be cleansed. You are always moving and ebbing, even if it’s so far below the surface that you cannot detect the shift.

This will shift.

Love and life and light are straining, deep down, and after all that straining, pushing, trying, when they resurface they will be strong.

There’s a reason they say hope floats.

It cannot be drowned forever, even if it is is drowned right now. It is not set in stone. You will float, up beyond that circle of sunshine. You will heal, even though you are hurt.

Poe knows this. His eyes tell you all this, but most of all, you know it; no, you feel it, in the depths of you. This is truth.

Poe peels back the covers, and he tugs you to his bare body, warm flesh against yours.

He’s tired. All his body can speak of now is sleep.

You are both tired of fighting, so for now, you must rest, and try again tomorrow. You stroke his hair and he strokes your back, and for now, this is enough.

Yes, for now, this is more than enough.

You are enough.

#poe dameron x reader #Oscar Isaac #poe dameron angst #tw: depressive episode #tw: depression #tw: suicidal ideation #star wars #tw: hunger #tw: food

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strangeinternetwasteland · 3 years

Text

Shattered Reality- Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is short compared to the others due to the mental strain I had to go through to get this one out. I am sorry

Warnings: PTSD, or Psychological trauma, Swearing, Fluff

Word Count: 2.8k

Darkness. It consumed everything. It was heavy. It was hard to breathe. When you had opened your eyes that’s all you saw. The silence of the world was deafening. You felt pressure at your throat and a hand squeezing you. This was the first thing you remembered. You wanted to fight it off, you wanted to run, but you laid there paralyzed with fear. The flash of murder in those cold eyes. All you could do is give up and let him win. Guilt wracked your body, the tears came too quickly. Geto was going to kill you, and all you could do is stay and not fight anymore. You didn’t feel the need to fight this. Your body was numb, and cold.

Maybe you were already dead. He had come to give you the ending you deserved, dying alone with no one to care for you in the end. It wasn’t like you were ever cared for to begin with. It was too late to save you. You were his next victim, and probably not his last. Your body was shaking with the cold anger. You didn’t want to die like this, not really. You didn’t want to succumb to him. You tried to fight back the terrible thoughts in your mind. Your world was falling apart. It all was piling on you so quickly, the fragility of your reality. A horrendous and heartbreaking scream erupted from your throat, it echoed in the room. It was the last thing you remember actually feeling before giving into the void of the room.

The scream was terrible, and haunting. It was full of pain, and held so much raw emotion. Gojo dropped his phone and sprinted down the hallway. ‘I shouldn’t have left her alone in there’ he thought. He slowed to a fast walk out just outside the door. He listened for sounds from within the room. When he didn’t hear any he pushed the door open gently, and listened to see if you were still breathing. He heard the faintest exhale, and walked into the room. Your breathing was uneven. It seemed surreal that only a moment ago, you screamed in agony. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand the emotions behind what you were feeling.

He crouched down next to bed trying to see your face, in the dim light that shone from the hallway. He reached a hand out to your face and brushed away a few hair strands from your face. You looked angelic and he felt a pang of guilt for bringing you into this hell. His world was not for you. The weight of the lies he told over the years weighed heavy on you. How many would he have to tell you? How honest could he really be with you?

You stirred at the contact, the touch was soft, and foreign. Gojo went completely still . He didn’t want to awake you, but also he didn’t want to alarm you.

“Y/N. You’re safe here. I am sorry for everything. I’ll make everything better.” Gojo whispered into your ear. You reached your arms out toward him. He softly chuckled.

“You need your rest, babe.” Gojo told you with the softest hint of a whine.

“Please stay. I don’t want to be alone.” You told him. Again, another soft chuckle emerged from Gojo.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” He murmured to you.

Gojo walked around the bed and slipped under the covers next to you. You scooted your back against him. He shifted himself so that he could put his arm underneath your head and play with your hair. Gojo felt you relax, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you, Gojo.” You murmured sleepily. You felt your eyes drooping down. The last thing you remembered before falling into a peaceful slumber was Gojo’s cologne. Something you’d love to get used to.

Geto couldn’t believe what he’d done. He’d let his anger get the best of them. The squeal of the tires as Gojo left with Y/N haunted Geto. ‘Y/N shouldn’t forgive me for this’ he thought. No one around thought twice of the interaction between Gojo and Geto, just another fight over a girl. Geto gathered his thoughts and left. When he was overreacting at times like this, normally Gojo would talk Geto down. This time though a long drive would be his remedy. Gojo left with a girl that Geto liked. At least, that was what he thought. The more he dwelled on it, Geto didn’t actually like Y/N. Geto liked her innocence, how unaware she was to what was actually happening around her. She was easily influenced and manipulated. In the end it didn’t matter. He’d give her an apology, and pretend it didn’t happen. If she brought it up, he could just dispose of her like he always did. By the time Geto had gotten back home the sun had already risen and was feeling at peace with himself.

“I don’t fucking need you.” Geto said to himself.

When you began to actually wake up, the terror from the night before had ebbed a bit. You felt a heaviness around your waist, and a warm breath upon the back of your neck. You looked down to find an unfamiliar arm around you. You slowly tried to remove the arm off your waist without waking the other sleeping body. As you slipped out from under the covers, the arms pulled you in closer.

“Don’t go. It’s too early.” A muffled voice spoke. You froze, you knew that sleep ladened voice. You turned over to face him.

“Good morning, handsome.” You smiled and decided to tease him a bit. Although, he was handsome to you. He inched closer to you and placed a kiss on your forehead. Your face turned bright red. He chuckled, flung the blankets off of him toward you, and stretched. He walked out of the room and with him your common sense.

You stretched your arms over your head while laying in bed, and grabbed your phone, which was on the nightstand next to the bed. You looked at it, and saw 5 missed phone calls from your boss. You groaned. You missed your shift today. You never missed work. You knew you’d have to call him back. You grabbed your phone, and walked down the unfamiliar hallway. You weren’t sure where Gojo would’ve gone to. Ask you walked down the hall, you saw the walls were dotted with photographs of Gojo’s past. A Beautiful woman holding a baby Gojo, you assumed was his mother. Another photo of a man who looked similar to Gojo did now, holding a young version of himself. You smiled at the sweet moments forever captured in time. Something you wished you had growing up.

You heard the sound of pots and pans being moved, and found Gojo in the kitchen. He looked a bit awkward bent over with his long legs searching under the countertops. You heard him mumble something under his breath. He gave up after a moment, and went to the fridge. Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t find it.

“Can I help you with something?” You asked him.

“No, I thought I had bought food, but I didn’t. Let’s go have some lunch.” He suggested.

“I am disgusting, I need to shower, change, and brush my teeth.” You said aloud, without actually intending to let him hear you.

“I have a shower, and a toothbrush. I think I have some clothes that would fit you. Kioko has spent many nights here. This is a Geto-free place.” He assured you. “I could use a shower myself. Let me show you to the best shower in the house, you definitely deserve it.” He added.

You followed him as he went down another hallway. At the end was a door he pushed open, and revealed a huge room. The room was minimalistic in style, everything was black and white. He opened a draw on a tall dresser, and rifled through it. He closed that one, and opened the next one.

“Okay, yeah, everything in this drawer is Kioko’s things she’s ever left here. Honestly, this whole dresser is mostly her stuff. Help yourself to anything, I dont think she even knows what she has.” He admitted to you. He walked a little farther, and opened another door. “This is the bathroom. The towels are fresh. Take as much time as you need. If I am correct, Kioko left some shampoo and conditioner here last time. She said ‘I don’t like the shit you use. You need conditioner for all that hair.’ Anyways, We can eat afterwards.” He ruffled your hair and left you alone.

When you walked into the bathroom your jaw dropped. It was immaculate. There was a jacuzzi, that you desperately wanted to try out, but this wasn’t your home. The shower was huge and had a waterfall shower head, with massaging jets. Just looking at this bathroom made you want to move in permanently. You shook that thought from your mind. As you walked across the bathroom to start the shower, you saw your reflection in the mirror. There was light purple bruising around your throat. It would turn darker over the next few days. You couldn’t go out looking like this. You couldn’t work. You couldn't use make-up to fix or cover this up. You felt your eyes burning, and tears threatening to fall.

You turned away from the mirror and started the shower. Normally, you wouldn’t go snooping around in anyone’s house, but you desperately wanted to brush your teeth. While going through the drawers, and cabinets, you found out very little about Gojo. Other than, thank to Kioko, womanly products, there wasn’t very much. He was a practical man with the first aid supplies, at least. You did find mouthwash and hopefully that would be enough for now.

You took your time in the shower relaxing in the warm water, you let it all out under the water. Every emotion spilled out of you. It came out and wouldn’t stop. You never were this weak before, how could you be so weak now? You were humiliated by all of this. You were grateful for Gojo though. Your mind was so mixed up and you couldn’t think straight. If you are truly honest, you wanted to give up. All of it, you could alway just pack up and leave. Your mind fought against itself. As you continued the internal mental fight with yourself, you washed your hair, and body. You turned the shower and grabbed a towel for your body. You grabbed a second towel for your head, they were so fluffy, soft and thick compared to the thin, worn down towels you owned. Everything was so luxurious. You decided to walk out to the bedroom to grab some clothes to change into.

When you walked out you were face to face with an almost naked Gojo. He wore a towel around his hips that hung dangerously low, and looked as if it would fall off if a slight breeze hit it. Your eyes scanned his body once again. Taking in all his tattoos, and because you were closer than last time, you noticed a few scars he’d managed to have collected over the years. You yearned to touch him, feel him, make sure that this wasn’t some sort of fucked up nightmare.

“Oh! I will be out of here in a second.” He grabbed a few items and left immediately. He couldn’t help getting a little flustered. He didn’t think he’d get caught, since you had taken a while in the shower. Not that he could blame you. He could blame himself though, which he did.

After Gojo left, you quickly rushed to get clothes, unsure if, and when he’d come back into the room. It was his room after all. After grabbing a plain red t shirt, and a maxi skirt you dressed walked out with your towels in hand.

“Gojo, I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to put these towels. I didn’t see a laundry basket anywhere.” You slightly yelled, unsure of where he was exactly. He came out from one of the doors you had passed earlier. Wearing jeans that accentuated his butt perfectly, and a t- shirt where tattoos peeked out from underneath, your mouth watered at this sight. Gojo took the towels from you and tossed them through a door.

He came back to you and looked at your neck. He gingerly touched the bruise that was forming, and clucked his tongue. A frown appeared across his face.

“Stupid Fuck.” He muttered under his breath as he continued to examine you.

“Gojo. I am sorry. Thank you for all your hospitality, and for wanting to pay for food, but I don’t feel comfortable with going out like this. I don’t want anyone to ask questions, and I don’t want to-” Gojo kissed you stopping whatever thoughts you had. It was over as quickly as it started and left you reeling.

“I understand. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll be back in a bit. Make yourself at home.” He assured you. He grabbed his keys, and left. You decided that you’d go explore his penthouse. You searched all the rooms in the hallway closest to the room you stayed in. You found another bathroom which was large, but not as spectacular as Gojo’s. On the other side of a door was another room, and behind the last door was a large linen closet. The kitchen which opened up to the large living room had a wonderful bird’s eye view of the city. The hallway that contained Gojo’s bedroom had an office and another room with a locked door. Although you were curious as to what was behind the door, you didn’t want to snoop anymore than you already had.

You sat back down on the overstuffed couch that was in the living room, and decided to watch tv. You switched through what seemed like millions of channels, and finally settled on a romantic comedy that was popular in your middle school years. It was about an hour into the movie when Gojo returned.

“Sorry, It took longer than I expected. I tried to text you asking you what you wanted, but you never responded. So I hope I got something you like.” He said putting the food down. Your eyes widened, you forgot your phone in the room, and intended to call your boss back. You sprinted to the room and grabbed your phone. You walked back to the kitchen.

“Sorry, Gojo, I need a minute. I have to call my boss back.” You told him. He leaned over the counter and put his head in his hands while smiling at you. You gave him a look of curiosity.

“Oh, yeah. I talked to your boss. He said you don’t need to work for the rest of the week.” He told you with the cheesiest smile on his face like he was doing you a big favor.

“Thanks, but you know, I need to make money.” You told him with annoyance.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing he agreed to pay you for your time off.” He said nonchalantly.

Your mouth dropped open, you were about to question him about how he’d manage to do that, since your boss was a hard ass and would never pay anyone for time off unless it was earned. The shrill scream of your phone prevented you from doing that. You picked up your phone.

“Hi, Yes. This is Y/N.” You answered. A quiet moment passed between you and the person on the other line. Your throat tightened and your mouth went dry. You waited a moment before speaking again. Tears were threatening to fall.

“Did- Is- Is everyone okay?” You asked, your voice quite shaky. You were assured that everyone was safe and accounted for, but to get to your apartment as quickly as possible. You looked at Gojo.

“I- We- Fi- Apartment,” was all you could manage to say. Gojo looked at you with concern. He came and wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, while rubbing your back. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“I need to go to my apartment. There was a fire.” You managed to finally say before breaking down.

<<Previous Next>>

#Gojo x reader #mafia au #Modern au #jjk au

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quietlyimplode · 4 years

Text

@Whumptober2020 - Day 23 - Sleep Deprivation.

Day 1 - Waking Up Restrained // Day 2 - Kidnapped // Day 3 - Manhandled // Day 4 - Caged// Day 5 - Rescue // Day 6 - No More // Day 7 - Support // Day 8 - Isolation // Day 9 - Take Me Instead // Day 10 - Blood Loss/Trail of Blood // Day 11 - Psych 101 // Day 12 - Broken Down // Day 13 - Oxygen Mask // Day 14 - Alternative Prompt - Comfort // Day 15 - Into The Unknown // Day 16 - A Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day // Day 17 - Wrongfully Accussed // Day 18 - Paranoia // Day 19- Survivors Guilt // Day 20 - Lost // Day 21 - I dont feel so well // Day 22- Withdrawal

Team. I really like this one. There’s something about nightmares.

“My parents would be so disappointed in me.” She says, her voice breaking. She starts to cry.

——-

She’s been prescribed sleeping tablets. Sleep is elusive. It’s not something she wants to take but even she has to admit that after therapy, the nights are rough. She’s lucky if she gets an hour, and even that hour is plagued with images that aren’t quite dreams but enough to wake her up again.

The next night she gets more sleep, but the nightmares are worse. More sleep but more intense dreams.

Then she’s back in the damn therapy room.

Rinse.

Repeat.

The therapist had discussed the benefits of taking the tablets. Filled the prescription and handed them over and left it completely in her court.

She’d been.. reluctant.

The therapist had reminded her why sleep deprivation was a torture. That emotions become more labile, small hurts feel like big ones and everything becomes harder.

It was obvious she wasn’t taking them, as it was something that the therapist had touched on frequently, becoming a point of routine in the session.

She’d lost it at Tony after the session today. He’d been his fucking idiot, snarky self and she’d taken the bait. It’d escalated quickly and she’d almost thrown a knife at his head. She’d stormed out of the communal kitchen and now she’s hungry and tired. What a combo. Maybe if she takes the damn tablets, she’d have more control over herself.

She hates this.

Eating a dinner of crackers and cheese, she holds the tablets. Pulls one out and takes it with water. Lays down and expects miracles.

She’s at home. In Russia.

She can see her mother on a rocking chair, her fathers on the phone. She calls out to her mother, runs over to her.

Her mother looks at her in horror and Natasha realises she’s dripping in blood. Thick. Clawing. It’s hard to breathe.

“Oh sweetheart, what have you done?” Her mother asks.

She tries to talk but nothing comes out.

Her father appears, “Natasha, milaya, can you put down the knife?” She has a knife in her hand, she’s pointing it at her mother. She tries to tell them, it’s not her doing this. She doesn’t want to hurt them. It’s no use, she has no voice. She was trained to say nothing.

Her kills are suddenly on full display in front of them both.

They look horrified.

“Was this you?” Her mother asks, sadly.

Her trainers are next to her. Speaking for her. Pulling her strings.

“Look Natalia.” They say.

And they pull the trigger.

Her parents are dead all over again.

Natasha wakes up and her sheets are soaked with sweat.

She feels traumatised. She got to see her parents and they’re dead all over again. Even in dreams she’s evil.

She can’t stay here.

Getting up out of bed, her legs just walk straight for Clint.

She lets herself in, pulling the door open.

“Tasha?” He calls out to her.

He’s not asleep, he’s laying reading in bed.

“You ok?” He takes one look at her and knows she’s not.

“My parents would be so disappointed in me.” She says, her voice breaking. She starts to cry.

Clint approaches her slowly, leading her to his bed, lays her down.

“No. They wouldn’t.” He says carefully, kindly.

She tucks her head into his chest, and nods in rebuke. Brushing her hair carefully away from her face, he kisses the top of her head. Hopes it’s comforting. Reassuring.

“You’re ok.” He placates.

He rubs her back, reads his story out loud to distract her from her nightmare, give her something else to concentrate on. It’s only when his arm is numb and his voice is hoarse that he realizes she’s asleep. He kisses her head again.

“You’re not the monster they made you to be,” he whispers and hope it filters into her dreams.

——-

8 to go..

#whumptober2020 #day 23 #no.23 #sleep deprivation #nightmares tw #clintasha #natasha romanoff #black widow #clint barton #hawkeye #clintasha fic #red room badness

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

Text

It's been a long time since I didn't write anything 'original' of mine, so just have this

Suffering due to the silence

Usually he admired the silence.

It was just so peaceful whenever no one was yelling, making a fuss over something... it was perfect. He could work at peace, read a good book, anything really. When the quarters of Shie Hassaikai were avoided of any sound, it could be uncomfortable to many, but for him it was heaven on earth.

Although... he learned recently that not always the silence was pleasing... and he got that lesson in the worst way possible.

"There is no way you need to raise your voice like that." He hissed while you still continue glaring at him with arms crossed "You're an animal now to keep howling like that?"

"Howling? Chisaki. Is that hard to understand that not only you gets worried in here?! You just go into a meeting, nearly almost dies and expect me to not be like this?!"

"You're being irrational." He sighed in annoyance, hand on his temple before he pointed at you while opening hsi eyes "You aren't delusional to think that a job on the mafia is all peace and happiness. Not even commenting on my quirk that can easily get rid of anyone or any injury in general."

"So you prefer to get hurt endless times instead of being careful with your own damn mouth?!" His eyes darkened as his voice lowered as a warning.

"Care to explain what is that suppose to mean?"

"I mean that you don't measure your words neither care about your own state!"

"Stop. Yelling." He hissed but you only ignored the venom on his voice.

"You don't give a shit about me, your partner, getting worried that well, I dunno, just got shot and simply dismissed as nothing?! I know your quirk Chisaki, but that doesn't mean you can just threw insults at other gangs or leagues and just get attached, and even getting the fuck up excuse that they threw the firts move!"

He clenched one side of his head as he growled the kore you speak, why can't you just stop?! He doesn't need you to fuss over something that is clearly not to be even concerned about it.

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH FOR ONCE!" he, before he could even process, let out a shout, shocking you to the point if even making you jump.

He breathed in and out, before returning to his composture, the most ugly and cold glare on his eyes to you.

"Whinning and complaining wont lead us to anywhere. And clearly your "worry" isn't just going to help this. So stop with this nonsense for once." He said nonchantly but evidently fed up with all of this... although he noticed the moment a tear fell from your eyes he had gone too far.

He went to speak again before you simply sniffled and looked up at him with the same cold and distant look he gave to you a few minutes ago.

"If it's that what you want. Fine by me... Overhaul." He felt shivers of disgust running his spine at hearing his villain name from your mouth as you walked away with not much words and closed the door of his voice.

That was the last thing he heard from you for at least now two days and a half...

He had heard of those 'silent treatment' before. Precepts whose got someone on their lifes often spoke about their partners and how they had "fuck up" to this point. Whenver he heard those, he couldn't understand neither would care to try to, in his head, silence was a blessing.

But he thought the exact same opposite when it comes to having a partner as well... he thought it was unnecessary, a complete waste of time and that teh feeling of 'love' was purely illusion... the moment he layed his eyes on you, he found out those things were real.

The disgusting butterflies on the stomach, the anxiety and craving to see them again, the utter worry and pain whenver you saw they crying or possibly being on danger... it was all true.

This silent treatment, was indeed a pain.

He at first thought that on the first day you would stop with this childish thing and return back to normal... but you didn't. The more the tickling of the clock on his way ticked on his ears, the more he bounced his knee in irritation... another second passed by without you on his presence.

He didn't received any words of you. At all. Not even a glimpse of a eye. And this was slowly torturing him...

He was becoming so desperate at this point that he even tried to catch your attention by calling you or requesting that a precept called you into his office. All of this ended in, you walking past him more quickly and one nervous as hell precept knocking on his door, saying that you had things to do at the moment.

Things were getting bad and darker for the young leader of the Shie Hassaikai. Everyone on there knew that you were the only one whose could calm down the best without getting killed by him... you were the only one who could keep Chisaki Kai calm and... happy to say the least.

You were his joy and light on his dark life... the more he tried to denied, the more he fell for those sweet and innocent eyes and gentle as a touch of a angel personality...

Now? He couldn't even get a good morning or a simple greeting.

He walked into his room and didn't find you, which was odd considering that it was night time already... he had noticed that you waited to get out of the bed only when he left and that you slept on some free room or went to bed way earlier than usual.

He sighed and prepared his heart and chest, which was already feeling tight and cold as ice, to find you reading on the living room... as usual, not even sparing a glance at him.

"Is late. You should go to bed." He commented nonchantly while you flipped one page from your book.

He wasn't blind, he could see teh red in your eyes and the hints if dried tears on your cheeks... for how exactly long you had cried because of him...?

"... is.. a interesting choice." He averted his eyes a bit "But even if it's a catching story, you need rest as well."

Only a nod of your head. It was all he got so far.

He sighed and got out of the room, entering his office and closing the door for just a bit only to open the slightest to catch a glimpse that you had gone to the bedroom shortly after he closed his office.

He had to admit. You were persistent.

And he? Was too prideful to say those words his inner being was almost begging for him to do.

Say that you're sorry dammit. Push your pride aside for once... you love (Y/n), you fucked up. Why cant you just say it?

... he didn't know.

Now, it was four days since he had last heard your voice or even felt a brush of your fingers... amd he could admit that he was just miserable.

How could he get so... dependent, in a certain way, of you?

He even himself stopped talking, the less he already did, and even let some slips of precept pass since it didn't matter to him at that time... he only wanted for you to at least look at him. Look at him with love again in your eyes.

One time Rappa was speaking to Tengai and let it slip some shit about Kai just when he was passing by... and the man himself got surprised when Chisaki only passed by without much of a word.

Both man had their eyes wide open and quickly got even more shocked when their boss quickened his steps just a bit to try to speak to you again.

He heard what Rappa said clearly as day. But he cared more about feeling or hearing his love again then some thug that little respected him.

He was... numb.

Although the breaking point reached when he caught a conversation of you and Chrono. Hearing your voice again did atrocities with his heart and head, and he swore he let out a breath he didn't even knew he was holding when he got the privilege to listen such a melodious sound again.

"Come on (Y/n), we're almost begging here.." Chrono spoke while you picked your mug and poured your drink on it.

"Seing the boss in this state is worse and way too fucking uncomfortable then seing him angry. And I fucking meant it! JUSt TalK WitH HiM LiTtlE PuNk-!" Mimic shouted while you sighed and took a sit on the kitchen.

"... you two really dont think I want to..?" You spoke, one of the saddest tone of voices he ever heard coming from you.

"Then why the fuck?" Kurono spoke, more confused then ever.

"I just think he really doesn't care too much sometimes. And whenever I spoke up my worries he just brushes off like it's just annoying or bothering him... it sounds like his worries are rational and worth it while mine is just... whimpering."

He sighed, having to admit mentally that you weren't wrong in the slightest...

"Besides... the way he shouted, and what he said" you tightened your grip on your mug as your eyes burned "I-I... can't just forget neither let it slide..."

He walked away from that place, opting to not hear anything about your sadness longer... While his commurates still try it to change your mind.

That was it... his pride and arrogance that go to hell.

You went to enter your room, knowing that Chisaki was probably still on his office working, feeling more tired and sad than ever as the days passed.

How long would you be able to atture this torture (Y/n)...?

You pushed the door and froze when you saw the back of your lover, taking off his tie before he looked at you, same tired and devoid of happines expression of yours.

You lowered your head and turned on your back to him, preparing to leave before you widen your eyes a bit when you saw the wall desconstricting and constructing another part right on the middle of the door... preventing you to get out of the room.

Damn his quirk...

You stayed immobile while your heart pumped hard against your chest while your ears catched the sound of his foot steps coming closer to you.

You didn't move, only gulped the thick air stuck on your throat when the sounds stopped, meaning that he was close enough to you.

"... I am not used to this." His voice sounded so raspy yet rough that send shivers through your spine.

You gasped a bit when you felt his hands and arms wrapping around your midsection to bring you close to his chest... warm breath hitching the back of your neck and ear, making your heart bump like crazy.

"I do understand that you worry about me just as much as I do... but.." he sighed shakily while hugging you closer to him, breathing in your pure and clean scent was so calming yet let him nervous someway... "I am not used to it."

You stood still, not even breathing almost as you let him talk...

"I am not used to such a kind and gentle soul care for me... even spare a single sign of... love." He closed his eyes in a sigh "I learned from a very young age that you can't just trust someone... because normally they would dissapoint or stab you on the back... Pops was a exception since the old man took me in... but I feel in need to repay him and you know it (Y/n)... for me, someone can't just do such a kind action without wanting something in return, and even if him or you say that is not necessary I just can't help it..."

You furrowed your eyebrows together but resisted to touch the arm beneath you.

"I never got such a good person on my life until he took me in... or when I met you..." he sighed, tightening his eyes at feeling the burning on them forming "I know you worry, but for me... it just doesn't matter what happens with me, if I got my goal, then is fine... but I never stopped to think that you were hurting because of my actions and consequences and.... I am so sorry for that..."

You widen your eyes at the last sentence as tears escaped from your eyes... for Chisaki to apologize, without being completly sarcastic, it took a lot...

"I am sorry... for not taking your opinion and worry. I worry just as much about you yet due to my arrogance I couldn't see your own... I'm sorry (Y/n), a millions times sorry, a thousand times sorry but..." he tighten his grip around you as he buried his face in your neck.

"...Will you talk to me already..?"

You furrowed your eyebrows but smile at the same time before sighing, using your hand to brush the slightest his skin a bit.

He felt joilts of eletrevity of feeling your touch on him again, sighing a bit in relief but still wouldn't let go of you.

"... for you to give one apology it takes a lot... imagine a thousand." You sighed and he swore that at that moment a tear or two escaped his eyes as he hugged you tighter as a form of gratitude.

He let go a bit just to pass his arm around your the back of your knees to lift you up in bridal style as he settled on the bed with you on his arms... laying his head on a angle that you couldn't exactly see his face properly.

When he felt your fingers brushing his dark brow looks he knew he wasn't at least that much fucked... but he still holded you close to him, afraid of you regretting your decision.

He sighed through his nose as he nuzzled himself onto your neck, relishing on the calm and peace that only you aas able to give to him.

"Never do this again." He muttered in your neck, the sound appearing muffled by his black mask and your skin "I felt like I was losing myself."

Your giggles were just music to his ears as he allowed himself to smile and close his eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling of your lips on his temple.

"I didn't thought that four days were enough to leave you like this... I'm sorry." You giggled at the vibrations that were caused by his low groan on your neck.

"You're the reason of my happiness. If you wanted to make me suffer then you were suceful... "

He brough you closer as your sweet voice and gentle touches lulled his tired soul to a peaceful sleep.

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #chisaki kai x reader #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha imagines #my writing #zuffer writings

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years

Text

Sweet Dreams (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Living in a country constantly on the verge of war with dead people and magic users wasnt exactly fun. Especially if you happened to be able to use magic.

So of course, Logan had never been outside before. It wasnt safe for a boy who could make things behave in ways they shouldn't. So he stayed home while his family went out.

But such a sheltered life was never meant to last. Logan woke up late one night to the smell of something rancid, only to notice two figures dragging something away from the house. He rushed down the stairs, staying close to the walls to make as little noise as possible.

"Check the house for anymore survivors, leave nothing, burn it to the ground if you have to," Logan froze at the sound of raspy voices.

"Why this house? No one here seems to be of importance," said another voice, this one sounding more feminine than the first.

"The general says theres something hiding here, we need to find it," the first voice spoke up again. It took the words a moment to register in Logan's head, but by the time they had, footsteps were already coming up the stairs.

Logan rushed to the nearest window, tearing the mesh out as quickly as he could manage and fleeing through it. His legs stung from the impact of the ground, but he didnt stop running.

He'd been going for what felt like hours before he finally collapsed. His breathing was heavy, had he been wearing his binder at the time he was sure he wouldve broken a rib.

"Nonono get up-" Logan whispered to himself, trying desperately to push himself back upright. It felt like someone had tried to tranquilize him, everything felt numb.

He tried again.

And again.

And then the world went pitch black.

Logan woke up a long while later, laying on a bed somewhere he didnt recognize. He tried to sit up, but even the thought of movement made his limbs feel exhausted.

"You were out for a very long time, I was beginning to think you weren't going to wake up," said a voice. Logan's eyes darted around for the source of the voice.

There was a man sitting at a table across from him, with yellow eyes, and scales that ran down the left side of his face.

"Who are y-" the man shoved something into Logan's mouth as he opened it. It tasted sweet, like honey and fruit.

"My name is Janus, this is the house of myself and my husband Virgil, for now that is all you need to know," Janus said calmly.

"Why am I here." Logan said, eyes darting around the room like a cats in search of something he could use as a weapon.

"Because you were passed out in the middle of the woods with an undead scout party heading straight for you, would you rather I'd left you there?" Janus said, raising an eyebrow.

Logan lay there for a moment before finally shaking his head.

"How long has it been?" Logan said, trying to sit up again before being held back down by Janus.

"Nearly two weeks, I cant imagine what you were doing that couldve caused such an issue but you're certainly not going out any time soon," Janus said, finally letting go of Logan's shoulders.

"There was a fire, I heard them mentioning a fire, and there was-" Logan stopped, the memory of the undead scouts dragging what looked to be two bodies away from the house.

"They took your parents, didnt they," Janus said. Logan only nodded in response.

"Jaaaaaaannnnn, dinners readyyyy, are you gonna eat or stare at a dead kid for another hour!" A voice called from another room.

"Hes not dead!" Janus called.

"I'll help you up, and you're not to out pressure on those legs for as long as you can help it. If I didnt know any better I'd say you broke both of them," Janus said, holding his arms out for Logan to grab ahold of. Now that Logan was also standing it was much clearer how much taller he was.

As Logan allowed himself to be guided to the next room he 2as struck with an odd realization of his surroundings. The walls, rather than be made of stone or refined wood, were simply made of uncut bark, almost as if they'd been inside of a tree. Upon closer inspection there were things crawling in and out of holes in the walls such as mice, bugs, and a few reptiles.

"Surprising hm? It's the perfect disguise in my opinion, does wonders for Virgil's mental state to, I'd never seen him happier than the day we set it all up," Janus said, smiling as he crossed the threshold into what looked to be the kitchen.

"You better not be talking about me behind my back darling," a man a little shorter than Logan turned from a stove and brandished a wooden spoon in Janus and Logan's direction. He was wearing a lilac colored hood and a black skirt, and, most notably, his eyes were covered by what looked to be white bandages.

"How do you-" Logan was about to ask about his eyes, but swallowed the question a few seconds in.

"Oh it's not that difficult," Virgil said, just then, a spectral cat leapt onto the table. Its fur seemed to be made of stars, and it was almost completely transparent, save for the purple and blue hue that allowed its shape to be seen.

"Ah ah ah! Off the table Priscilla." Janus said, the cat swishes its tail and leapt off and trotted over to Virgil again, rubbing her face along his legs. Janus helped Logan into his seat as Virgil set a few plates of food on the table.

"And I'm assuming you wear a binder, yes?" Virgil said, looking up at Logan. Logan nodded, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Your chest movements, I breathe slower in mine to, makes me feel less nervous about my ribs," Virgil said, laughing slightly.

"And dont worry about going into town for one, I'm nearly finished stitching up a replacement," Janus said, already cutting in to the chicken on his plate.

"So can I get a real explanation as to why I'm here? If I've been unconscious for two weeks why didnt you just bury me," Logan said, crossing his arms and staring down at the plate in front of him.

"We knew you werent really dead, and being unconscious in the woods certainly wasnt going to keep it that way- not with him running around," Virgil said, a note of disdain punctuating the sentence.

"Who?" Logan said, now to busy with the conversation to remember that he didnt want to eat anymore of the food being offered to him.

Janus let out a sigh as he began to speak. "There is. . . A prince. . . Who wonders about the woods, the undead and mortal realms both fear his power, no ones ever seen his eyes, those that have can rarely describe them-" Virgil gave a noticable shudder "-and rarely does anyone without magic live to give warning, Virgil and I barely escaped him with our lives," Janus finished. Priscilla, no doubt in an attempt to reach the food again under the guise of comfort, had situated herself in Virgil's lap.

"You mean theres something worse than the undead out here?" Logan said, now chewing on the neckline of his shirt out of distress.

"He doesnt sound scary at first, he gave himself a mortal name, so he could pretend he was harmless," Virgil said, running a hand through Priscilla's fur.

"He calls himself Remy, it might sound like an ordinary common name to you, but to people like us, it's a death sentence," Janus said.

"Well how do I avoid him then?" Logan said.

Janus shook his head "I can tell you how to identify him, but you'd have to be the luckiest mortal on earth if you wanted to get away from him," Janus said.

He cleared his throat before continuing "he hides his eyes behind sunglasses, and he's got silver claws on his fingers, one scratch from those and you'll be dead in a matter of seconds," he said, Logan tried sketching this all out in his head.

"And he wears a leather jacket, he stole it from his first victim, it's like you humans wearing aminal skins, you can still smell the blood," Janus said.

"Well- that. . . Doesnt sound pleasing. . ." Logan said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt now. Whoever Remy was, Logan pleaded desperately that he'd never have to meet him.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@meowthefluffy

@willowaudreykeyes

@cemmy

@thecolorfulolive

@melodiread

@frawkeye

@frog-candy-bee

@thefivecalls

@teamplutoforlife

@pricklyfish777

#cori writes #long post #sweet dreams au #ts virgil #ts sides #ts logan #ts janus #ts remy #losleep #anxceit #romantic anxceit #tw death mention #tw cats #tw implied death #tw fire #tw murder #tw blood

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darlinvandijk · 4 years

Text

It’ll be okay

Concept: request where “reader is struggling a lot with her mental health and cries a lot at night when she’s alone. Kinda based on his song “unsaid””. So trigger warning, this will involve anxiety, depression, and overall struggle with mental health. This is an extremely personal piece for me, if it’s personal to you too, just know I love you. Things get better. Sorry this took me so long, it was hard for me to write. i hope you enjoy

Another day passed, another blurry, and grey day. Today was just like the rest of my days lately, numb and pain filled. It might sound like an oxymoron, being able to feel pain while being numb, but trust me it’s possible. Everyday has been filled with emotionless conversations on my behalf, fake smiles and laughs, but no one seems to notice the endless amounts of suffering I’m going through alone. They haven’t even seemed to notice how this whole holiday break, I’ve been “busy” everyday they tried to meet up. I wish they would notice, because the lord knows I won’t ask for help. Maybe it’s better they don’t notice, I wouldn’t want to be a burden to my own friends.

Every day I wake up, feeling nothing but a heavy sense of dread weighing me down. My body just being dead weight that I carry around throughout the daily tasks that I can barely bring myself to do, majority of my day spent in and out of sleep. All I do is sleep, it’s the only way to avoid the real world, and even then I can’t always avoid it when my problems follow me into my dreams. I don’t even think I dream that much anymore, my brain not even being able to muster up the energy to do that. The little bit of energy I have is used up most nights by the sobs that silently shake my body, usually trying to be as quiet as possible to not alert my parents, or it’s used up by the more frequent than ever panic attacks. They use up more energy than I have, leaving me a shaky tear streaked mess, too terrified to even move after having one. Let’s just say these past two weeks we’ve been on break,have only lead to everything becoming worse, all I can do is stay in my room and let these words in my head tear me down. I’m broken.

I sit on the floor of my room, music softly filling the space as I lean against the wall, ignoring the tears that seem to never go away. I silently watch my phone, the endless stream of texts and group chats getting blown up, not being able to find it in me to respond to them. Not like they’d notice if I replied anyways, too enticed with the bottomless amount of party invites. I let out a choked sob, wishing I could feel the happiness they feel, envying the way they get to experience life. I don’t want to be envious and jealous of them, but when your brain is wired a certain way, making even the smallest things a struggle, it’s hard to not be a little green towards your friends. I feel all these emotions running through me, my tears just streaming down my face, yet I’ve never been more emotionally detached and numb.

I stare at my phone as it lights up with an incoming call, instantly tensing when I see the name that pops up across my screen, one of the many people I’ve distanced myself from again. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and steady my uneven breathing, hoping I can hide my pain filled state. I lift the phone shakily to my ear, “Hey rueloff, what’s up” I cheerily spit out, feeling the fake emotions drip off my words. I hear him take in a breath on the other end, before letting out a light sigh, causing me to freeze at the underlying disappointment radiating off of him. The one person I never wanted to disappoint or bother. All I can seem to do is disappoint people.

“I’ve tried to give you space the last two weeks, but I’m done letting you ignore my calls and texts. What’s going on with you?-” Ruel questions instantly, leaving no room for argument. I sit there silently, completely unsure on how to get myself out of the mess I’ve made. I start trying to pathetically defend myself, only to be interrupted, “don’t give me that bullshit, you haven’t been busy. You always tell me that everything is fine, but you don’t have anywhere to hide now, and you know that.” He snaps out. I feel my eyes get watery at the frustration he feels, even though I know he’s not mad at me, he’s just frustrated that I’m not letting him in. He’s frustrated that I’m going down the same path again, the same path I’ve been down many times before.

“I’ve just been tired lately, not in the mood to socialize and stuff, that’s all..” I mumble, my words left hanging in the air as they pierce through the heavy silence. It’s quiet for a few more seconds, just enough time for my bottom lip to wobble, tears yet again filling my eyes to the brim. I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing my lips tight together, trying to cut off my emotions. I try to take in a quiet breath to even my breathing out, only for it to come in staggered, causing Ruel to instantly hold his breath. The silence was deafening.

“Why don’t you ever wanna talk about it? Can’t you see that I’m trying my hardest here, I’m trying to get through to you, but you always fucking find a way around it. Please just let me help.. please” he quietly lets out, the crack in his voice causing a sob to rack my body. Knowing I’m hurting those around me, when that’s the one thing I’m trying to avoid, is tearing me apart. I don’t want the people I love to be hurt, I’m not worthy enough for them to care that much anyways. I never wanted to hurt the people around me and I never wanted to disappoint them. I never wanted to end up like this.

I sit there silently, my phone laying on the ground next to me on speaker, listening to the sound of Ruels shaky breathing. I hear him take a deep breath, causing my quiet sobs to pause as I listen, knowing he’s about to say something. “I’m coming over. I can’t let this just hang over my head anymore.” He states, ending the call before I can even object to his plans. I sit there against my wall, numbly staring straight ahead, unable to even find the motivation to get up and try to tidy my room up. I mean fuck, I don’t even have the motivation or energy to get up and brush my hair. It’s not like there’s even a point in trying to look better and clean my room, he already knows the truth, he already knows it’d just be a facade to hide the actual state I’m in.

I get the energy to numbly shuffle across my room to change my clothes, I’ve been in them for about 4 days now, and the least I can do is make sure I’m in something clean. I slowly undress, not even realizing what I’m doing, my body just going on autopilot. I grab one of Ruels hoodies off a hanger, pulling it over my head, before shakily putting on a pair of shorts. My legs slightly wobble as I make my way to my bed to sit down, feeling weak from my lack of food lately. I’ve lightly snacked on a few things my mom has brought me over the past couple of days, but just couldn’t bring myself to fully eat anything. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to eat, it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to even move in order to do so. I haven’t showered. I’ve barely even brushed my teeth. I haven’t brushed my hair. I haven’t done anything. I don’t want to do anything. I can’t do anything.

I don’t even realize the time that has gone by until I hear footsteps leading up to my bedroom door, snapping my out of the thoughtless trance I was in. I’m sitting against my headboard, knees pulled into my chest, as my door is slowly pushed open. Ruel enters the room, his eyes wandering over everything, before they rest on me. He stands with his back against my now closed door, watching me with a observant gaze as he tries to read the situation. I silently stare back, not having the confidence to make the first move, especially when I’ve never been confident when it comes to talking about my mental health. Especially when it comes to talking about it with people close to me, it’s too intimate and leaves me vulnerable.

He slowly walks to the bed, slipping his shoes off, before climbing up and sitting next to me. We both stare at the wall straight ahead of us, shoulders pressed against each other. Surprisingly it’s not an awkward silence, but rather one filled with understanding, since he seems to know that this situation is a lot harder for me than I’ll ever admit. We sit in silence for who knows how long, our shoulders rising and falling together with our quiet breaths, my music softly playing in the background. As we sit there together, I feel my throat start to tighten up, the anxiety for what’s to come next finally reaching surface. I continue to look at the wall, feeling my bottom lip quiver, as tears start to fall down my face in a never ending river. A choked sob brutally makes its way out of my throat, disrupting the silence we had been sitting in, and shifting the air around us. Ruel continues to stare at the wall, but softly reaches his hand out to intertwine it with mine, putting as much reassurance into it as he can.

“Sweetheart, you need to let me in. I can’t help you if you don’t let me... what’s going on?” He whispers to me, pulling me into his chest. The tears continue to steadily stream down my face, my back pressed against his chest, and my hands clutching his arms that are wrapped around my chest. He holds me tight against him, his own eyes watering a little as he feels the sobs rip through my body, knowing there’s nothing he can really do to make this all go away. I feel my anxiety and anguish rise at his question, because I have no real answer for him. I don’t know why this is happening, I don’t know why I feel this way, and I don’t know how he can help me. All I know is that it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

“I-I dont know. I don’t know why this is happening or why it keeps happening... I don’t want it to keep happening-“ I whimper out, hiccuping as I try to keep going. Ruel starts to slowly rock us side to side, having felt the way my body tensed up as I tried to explain my feelings. I turn my head to look at him, his eyes clearly showing distress as he takes in my shattered expression, which only break more as I keep going. “How is anyone s-supposed to help m-me when I can’t even h-hell myself. I-I want it to s-stop. I don’t want to feel like t-this anymore, it hurts. I-it never gets better. I-it just keeps hurting me... it hurts” I sob out, my cry for help clear as day. A few tears fall from Ruels eyes down his cheeks, his heart breaking as he realizes everything I’ve been going through alone, as he realizes just how much it’s truly breaking me.

“I promise you won’t feel like this forever, it feels like it right now, but it won’t always be like this. We’re gonna get you help, yeah? We’re gonna get you help, so that it stops hurting, and you’ll be able to see just how important you truly are.” He promises me, holding me as tight as he can against him. I want to believe him, I truly do, but I’ve felt like this for so long that I just don’t have hope anymore. Ruel notices my lack of reply, deciding to instantly start pleading with me, “No, you can’t give up on me. You promised me when we were little, that you would be by my side forever. You don’t break promises. We’re going to get you help and I’ll help you too. I won’t quit until that day you can fall asleep at night without crying or feeling alone, because you’re not alone. So many people care about you” He whimpers out. I grab his hand with both of mine, holding it as I clutch it to my chest, feeling all the pain I’ve been pushing away rise to the surface.

“If so many people care about me.. then why do I feel so alone. All I do is hurt everyone around me. You wouldn’t feel like this if it wasn’t for me..-“ I choke out, his hand instantly gripping both of mine as they stay clutched against me, neither of us taking notice to my playlist coming to an end. I hear him take in a breath, but cut him off before he can say anything, “I just want to feel normal. I don’t want to keep hurting and keep wondering what I could change about me to be better.. why can’t I just be good enough” I whisper. It almost echos in the now silent room, leaving a haunting feeling behind, my words holding a heavy meaning as they linger. I hear his shaky breathing and feel it against the back of my neck, his arm tightening around me.

“Don’t say that. You are good enough, you’re more than good enough. Without you I would have never experienced some of the best moments of my life, I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I’m not me without you. You’re the biggest blessing in my life.” He mutters into my ear, feeling my sobs start to subside, leaving me resting against him with his hand still gripped between mine. He presses a light kiss to the side of my head, not knowing how to fully express his feelings, especially when it comes to a topic this hard. “You’re not alone, you’ll never be alone, because you’ve got me for the rest of our lives. I promise.” He states, a tone if finality in his voice. I give him a shaky nod back, wanting more than anything to feel whole again, even if I don’t fully believe it right now.

“I just don’t want to hurt anymore.. that’s all I want.” I softly plead, hearing the desperation lacing my voice. Ruel completely pulls me into him, holding me as desperately as I’m holding him, both of us gripping for any sort of comfort. I turn to him and stare into his lightly red rimmed eyes, uttering anguish filled question, “can things ever truly get better?” I whimper out. He instantly places his hands against my cheeks, pressing his forehead against mine, giving me no option but to stare into his emerald eyes.

“Yes. Things can and will get better. All you need is a little help, because even the strongest people need help.” He confirms, watching the way my hesitant eyes regard him. I can feel his hands shaking as they keep their firm grip on my face, my own hands shaking as I hold onto his forearms. We stay in this position, foreheads against each other, and hands holding onto one another as he waits for me to reply. As he desperately pleads and prays in his head for me to pull myself out of this dread filled fog that covers my brain. It’s not that easy though.

“If things get better, why doesn’t it feel like it? Why doesn’t it feel like I’ll ever be okay again.” I barely manage to get out before my face is in the crook of his neck, and he’s holding me firmly in his arms. He presses soft kisses to the top of my head, wanting nothing more than to take away my pain, but knowing this is only the start of a long grueling process. The start of a process that’s going to have more ups and downs than anyone could possibly imagine.

“Because your brain isn’t ready to accept it yet, which is why I’m here. I’m going to be the encouraging and strong part of your brain to keep you going, until you can do it on your own. I’m going to fight for you to get better, until you can fight it on your own, with me on the side cheering you on. I’ll take you to whatever appointments and sessions you have to go to until you feel like you again.” He promises, my breath hitching with emotion as I truly take in how much he cares about me and is believes in me. Before I can reply to him, he starts talking again, “recovery isn’t an overnight process love, it’s fast for some people, but long for others. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be stressful, but I promise you’re going to do it. You’re the strongest girl I know and I love you.” He concludes. I nod against his neck, gripping onto him as he slowly slides us down my bed, stopping once we’re fully laying down with me resting on top of him.

“It’s hard for me to truly believe everything you’re saying right now, but I promise I’ll try my hardest. I want to get better, I want to get better for me, and for all of you-” I mumble back, feeling my eyes start to droop as the exhaustion from today’s events finally kicks in. He slowly starts combing through my hair with one of his hands, the other tracing patterns into my lower back, neither actions helping in my fight to stay awake. “Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you more than anything. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I just wish I could fly through this recovery thing, because it hurts Ruel. It hurts to keep feeling this way everyday” I sleepily mutter. He softly sighs out, knowing that I’ll be okay one day, but also knowing it’s going to take awhile till I get there.

“It’ll be okay. I promise.” He whispers, his words hanging in the air as we both drift off into a well deserved night of sleep, holding each other with nothing but love in our hearts.

Everyone deserves happiness and peace, everyone deserves to live a full life, and everyone deserves to see what the world truly has in store for them. One day I’ll believe I deserve it too.

#ruelvincentvandijk #ruel van dijk #one ruel #ruel imagines #ruel imagine #ruel one shot #ruel #x reader #imagines #free time ep #one shot #ruel fanfic

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