#ohh the dreams we have in our youth

[apomaro-mellow]

Wrong Number 2

Someone said they liked when authors put their super-specific jobs in fics so I hope ya like Steve havin a (kinda romanticized) past job of mine.

For the first time in his life, Steve felt like the stereotypical young person who was always glued to his phone. Every time it made a noise or vibrated, his arm shot out like lightning, hoping with every fiber of his being that it was the mystery number.

It had been about five days since he'd sent that first message and he'd been worried about their conversations being stale. But that wasn't an issue. The only times their talks lulled was when they went to bed.

And even that was after texting late into the night. Steve would watch the clock go from 9 to 10 and promise to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. And then it would be midnight and what was a few minutes after that? Then he'd look up and it would be 2 in the morning.

Texting this guy had become the highlight of Steve's days. To the point where he didn't even realize Friday had come until one of his students mentioned it.

Then, purely out of habit, he asked: "Any weekend plans?"

"I've got a soccer game", Zach answered.

"My parents are having date night", Belinda said.

And normally Steve himself would be thinking about going out and finding someone for the night. But the idea hadn't come to him for once. He knew why, but he didn't fully process it until he got home to Robin, who was in the middle of cooking breakfast for dinner it seemed.

Steve was in the middle of replying to a text sent during lunch.

(12:15) I just realized you know about my off the wall job (12:17) But I have no idea what your 9 to 5 is (12:18) Your legally required to tell me if ur famous (12:18) Not bc im a clout chaser (12:19) But bc I might not have a clue who you are

[4:13] Not famous. Don't worry. I'm a teacher.

(4:15) As a former student I apologize

Robin opened the cabinet, looking for pancake mix. “Are you and that girl still texting?”

“Me and the who?”, Steve looked up from his phone.

“That girl? I assume you're finally setting up a date for this weekend?"

"She-" Steve racked his brain for a good excuse. But it was hard to do when the person who knew him the most was staring right at him.

"Whatever flaws of hers you're about to make up, I'm gonna call bullshit because your phone hasn't stopped pinging for days." She started mixing the pancake batter.

Steve looked down at the words on his screen. The one flaw of this guy was that they couldn't meet in person. But maybe it was time to close the distance just a bit.

"She's shy. Might just text a bit more before she's ready."

[4:19] No need for sorries. All my kids are great. But that's probably because I teach their favorite class.

(4:21) Oooh their favorite? (4:21) It's gotta be something like art rite? (4:22) Or are you being a smart ass cuz you teach like calculus or something?

[4:23] I teach cooking 😛

(4:23) Oh shit. (4:24) You're actually the favorite

[4:25] Toldja. Hey quick question and then possibly many more questions.

(4:26) Go ooooon

[4:27] How would you feel about spending the night playing 20 questions? Like are you free tonight?

Eddie bit his lip as he looked at Steve's words. He had picked his shifts this weekend to make sure he had plenty of time to talk to Steve. Which meant he was in fact free tonight. He replied as such and Steve said he wanted a little time to take a shower and then he'd be ready.

And because he was a little shit, Eddie took advantage of him being away from his phone.

(4:35) Since you're in the shower, I'm taking the first question. Boxers or briefs?

[4:54] Cheater. And I prefer boxer briefs. My turn?

(4:55) Go for it

Eddie was curled up on his couch, tv low and in the background as he waited for Steve's question.

[4:55] What's your name?

(4:56) THATS your first question? (4:56) Wait we've been texting for days haven't you saved my number? (4:57) What do you have me as?

Steve bit his lip, wishing he could lie to this guy, but he couldn’t. Instead he sent a screenshot of his phone.

(4:59) Misty? That’s the name of the chick?

[5:00] Yeah. But I guess I should put your actual name now, right?

It was a gamble. But this guy already knew Steve’s name. And by this point they’d been texting for nearly a week. He just wanted to know his name. He pushed back the part of himself that said he needed to know.

(5:00) It's Eddie.

Eddie. The guy he'd been talking to was named Eddie. Eddie with the long curly hair and the chunky rings who threw axes for a living. He was a far cry from the soft girls he usually dated. Or the preppy guys he usually dated.

(5:02) Favorite bug?

The question threw Steve for a moment but he decided to humor him.

[5:04] Bees 🐝I like how fuzzy they are. And I like honey. [5:05] What rings do you have?

A couple minutes later, Eddie replied with an image. It was taken from above and showed his hands lying flat on a coffee table. Steve zoomed to make out the details of each ring. He was also able to see a watch and a couple of wristbands on him.

[5:08] How did you take that picture? With your mouth? 🦭

(5:09) Did you did you just compare me to a seal???

[5:09] What other animal catches things in their mouths?

'I can be an animal with my mouth'. Thankfully, Eddie's fingers weren't as fast as his brain and he didn't send that to Steve. Eddie had in fact put his phone in his mouth the take the picture, having a real 'no thoughts, head empty moment' when Steve asked about his rings.

Steve was letting his own mind wander as he gazed at the picture. Eddie's hands were...his hands were...well they were-

(5:10) Favorite youtuber?

The adoration of Eddie's hands were interrupted by Eddie himself as their question and answers continued. The picture continued as well. Steve sent pics of his favorite pair of shoes, his hair products, and of his neck when Eddie said he didn't believe he had all these moles.

Eddie had sent pictures of one arm, covered in tats, his acoustic guitar, and a super worn copy of Peter Pan.

The hour was growing late and both of them were feeling more bold but at the same time hesitant because it felt like they were close to crossing a line.

Needing an outside opinion, Eddie consulted with The Council (the discord server with his band mates) about whether or not he should shoot his shot. Gareth told him to go for it, what harm could it do? Grant said to do it because it could potentially be the funniest catfishing story. Jeff agreed that he should, if only because their guitarist getting murdered would be a great back story.

With their unanimous approval, Eddie decided to start actively flirting with Steve.

(8:37) Soooooo ya like jazz?

[8:38] I do actually. I really love the piano.

Okay, that one was just practice. Be smooth. Be suave. None of that was in Eddie's wheelhouse but thankfully nothing he said turned Steve away. He always seemed just as eager to reply back.

(9:10) What's your oldest piece of clothing?

Eddie was thinking of his own oldest article a t-shirt that had started out overgrown on his tiny eight year old body but he'd grown into and kept over the years. It was super faded but filled with the memory of the first time he spent more than a couple of days with his uncle.

[9:12] I'd show you, but I'm wearing them right now.

Steve had closed his bedroom door before sending the text. There wasn't anything scandalous but it seemed like it could very quickly veer into that territory. All Eddie had to do was ask. If he wanted to see them, Steve would show it.

'I would like to see it.'

(9:12) I would like to see it

Eddie knew it could be anything. Maybe a holey sock. Or maybe he also had a super faded t-shirt with deep sewn-in memories as well. Maybe he was wearing a class ring?

[9:14] image.jpeg

Eddie was treated (and goddamn what a treat it was) to Steve Harrington's bottom half, barely covered in shorts with a school's logo on them. Thick thighs covered in hair. And a bulge that was there. It was very there. Eddie couldn't overstate how there it was.

He palmed his own crotch before remembering he was looking at a guy's junk and about to jerk off to it in his living room. And he had yet to answer. What was the most respectful way to say 'humina humina humina-wolf whistle-awooga'?

(9:16) Are you trying to kill me Steve?

[9:17] Do you like it?

'Awooga.'

(9:18) ❤️‍🔥 🔥 🥵

Eddie tried to think of any other way to tell Steve how hot he made him but it felt like typing words just wasn't enough.

(9:19) Can I do something insane? (9:20) And feel free to ignore me if it's too much

Steve was lying in his bed, phone of his charger now. Nothing Eddie could do would be too much. He could knock on his door and he would let him in.

[9:21] Go ahead

A second after he sent that, Steve's phone started to ring. It was Eddie. He stared for about five seconds before picking up.

"Hey."

"Hey."

If possible, Steve melted more into his bed. Eddie's voice...he didn't know what he expected but it wasn't that. He said one word and Steve wanted to wrap himself in it.

"That was pretty naughty of you, sending me that pic. I could show up to your school."

"You'd be a few years too late. These are my oldest shorts, remember?"

"Tiniest shorts maybe."

Steve laughed and Eddie was on cloud nine. He was so lost in bliss, he miscalculated and fell off the couch.

"What was that?"

"I uh, I fell. Off my couch."

"Did you fall hard?"

Eddie beamed as he got up and turned off the tv. Now that he had his voice, all he wanted to hear was the man on the other line.

"Oh super hard."

Steve let out a sound from the back of his throat and he wondered if Eddie had heard it. It was honestly amazing how the smallest things got him going. Or maybe he was just that into Eddie.

"You still there Steve?"

....."Yeah. I'm still here."

Part 4

Tag Team (closed)

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If you were tagged but it didn't show up in your notifications, lemme know and I'll do that thing where I tag you in a reblog instead. I know tumblr can't be trusted to function XD

#apo writes #stranger things #steddie #i wanted this out this past weekend #but had other things #anyway i used to work as a culinary instructor #it was for summer camps and after school programs #but my dream was to do it full time at a nice school #ohh the dreams we have in our youth

[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | PSYCHOBREAK 2

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Rei, Kaoru, Adonis, Koga

Kaoru: Ugh, could you please stop caressing my chin? It's, like, totally gross actually! And like, the amount of disgust I feel seeing someone who looks just like Rei-kun going around doing stuff he'd never do is seriously unreal!

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Time: A few hours later

Location: In front of the AIIE Experimental Facility

Rei II: [Welcome, members of UNDEAD.] [So I finally get to meet the "real" me. I've been waitin' for this.]

Rei: Oh dear…

Rei: 'Twould seem our ill omen proved true.

Kaoru: Th-the fake showed up just like that, huh. I thought he'd, like, hide or something.

Rei II: [Hey Kaoru, shut up for a second. Can't ya see me n' Mr. Original over there're in the middle of a conversation?]

Kaoru: Ugh, could you please stop caressing my chin? It's, like, totally gross actually! And like, the amount of disgust I feel seeing someone who looks just like Rei-kun going around doing stuff he'd never do is seriously unreal!

Adonis: This is what is known as the uncanny valley. I came across the term while I was researching AI. It seems we feel an instinctive unease when faced with things that resemble us, but aren't quite the same. It's probably because our brains get confused when our internal memories and perceptions don't match up with reality.

Rei II: [I keep tellin' you~] [I'm tryin' to talk to the "real" me, so could you small fry quit prattlin' on about useless stuff?]

Kaoru: …The fake Rei-kun is like, weirdly mean. Is that an intentional part of the design, or?

Rei: This is oddly unsettling… I do apologize; my counterfeit has quite a poor attitude…

Kaoru: Hey, that's still better than complete silence, right? I mean, look — there are fake versions of the rest of us over there, but they totally haven't said a word?

Kaoru II: […]

Adonis II: […]

Koga II: [Hah? You wanna fuckin' go, punk? I'll kick your stupid taco-lookin' ass!]

Koga: Why's my fake the only one with a weirdly low IQ?!

Koga II: [Hah? You're makin' fun a' me, aren'tcha? You wanna get bitten to death, asshole?!]

Kaoru: Ohh, haven't heard that one in a while. You really used to say that kinda stuff a lot~

Rei: Hmm… Judging from the fact mine own counterfeit is one of those so-called "ore-sama" characters, 'twould seem these imposters are meant to mimic the past selves whom we were so recently faced with.

Rei II: [Ahaha. With only a week's worth of experimental data, it's pretty hard to get deep into your consciousness. All we could do was pick up on some fragments of the past.] [Replicatin' your current behavior's still beyond our reach.]

Kaoru: That's good, isn't it? It makes it easy to tell us apart.

Rei: Verily. Though I am equally abashed to be so relentlessly confronted with my youthful follies now as I was during our shared dream. Now then, let us cut to the chase. Pray tell, what exactly art thou intended to be?

Rei II: [You've already figured it out, haven't you? You and I are both the same super smart and clever Sakuma Rei-kun, after all ♪] [We're HELLSING, the imposters who have been pretendin' to be you.] [We're artificial idols, born from the AIIE experiment.] [To be more specific, we are entities with mechanical bodies who have had the data collected from you durin' the experiment installed into us.]

Kaoru: Actually, I've been wondering about that. If you were made from the AIIE experiment, doesn't the timeline not match up?

Rei: Aye. According to the records, HELLSING made their debut shortly after we began the experiment — within a day of our seclusion from the world, in fact.

Kaoru: Yeah, that's a bit too quick. I can't help but think they already had our fakes prepared before the experiment started.

Adonis: That's true. Perhaps data was pre-installed via the internet or the like, but the timing still confuses me. Why have the imposters begin their activities before the experiment's conclusion?

Koga: We might not know the details yet, but the whole thing already smells rotten.

Rei II: [That one's a mystery to us too. We machines are slaves to our human masters, y'know~ We can only move accordin' to the orders we've been programmed to follow.] [You could say we're just followin' our instincts.]

Kaoru: So basically, if we want to know the details, we'll have to go and ask the person who manufactured and programmed HELLSING directly.

Rei: Indeed. Though this may sound harsh, these four are ultimately nothing more than puppets dancing at another's whim.

Koga: But how're we s'posed to figure out who made 'em? Durin' the AIIE experiment, that plain-faced guy's robo-lookalike was the one handlin' all our meals n' stuff. We never saw another livin' person even once. They said it was to avoid muddlin' the data, but now that I think about it, ain't that kinda off?

Rei: By the "plain-faced guy," dost thou perchance refer to Mashiro Tomoya-kun? That aside, thou art correct in that there has been an unnerving absence of any contact with living humans throughout this ordeal. We were entreated to partake in this most peculiar experiment through HoldHands, and having assented, we were guided through the whole process by machines. There must be someone profiting off of this manipulation from behind the scenes, yet at present, we lack the information to so much as speculate on their identity.

Kaoru: AIIE is supposed to be some kinda top secret project managed by ES, so it might be one of the bigwigs at ES behind all this, y'know?

[ ☆ ]

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#ensemble stars #enstars translation #undead #rei sakuma #kaoru hakaze #koga oogami #adonis otogari #flashback #psychobreak

[hyenahunt]

Saga: Release - 9

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Jin, Chiaki, Tori, Hokuto

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & Peace (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Jin: It’s no different from beer or cigarettes; once you know their flavor, you’ll find 'em hard to let go.

Location: Empty Classroom

Jin: Uhh, I’ll start with a report, then.

This news came in just this morning, fresh out of the oven: They’ve decided to carry on with Project-Saga.

Chiaki: Ohh? Is that… something we should congratulate?

Tori: Mm? It’s good news, so shouldn’t we be overjoyed? Based on the timing, this is ‘cause our live show was a success, right?

It always feels so nice to be recognized by the world, no matter what it’s for~♪

Hokuto: Hmm… But Sagami-sensei was unenthusiastic throughout it, so maybe we shouldn’t be so happy about a second go.

Jin: No, no. You don’t have to worry about that — I’m pretty happy about this too, surprisingly.

It feels like I haven’t been contributing anything to society since I retired as an idol, so it felt nice doing something praiseworthy after a long time.

Chiaki: Ahaha. Toddlers get praised just for standing on their feet, but praises become harder to earn as we grow up, huh.

Tori: Huh? Hold on, so Project-Saga wasn’t actually confirmed to carry on at first?

I was under the impression that I was gonna be part of Rain-bows for a long time…

Jin: Yeah, it’s ‘cause it’s a low-budget project of a magazine company; it could’ve been terminated anytime. The press, or just the world as a whole, tend to be pretty harsh about this stuff.

No point in showcasing something that doesn’t sell, after all.

There was a likelier possibility that no one would care enough to glance at retired idols after all this time, too.

Honestly, I looked down on the plan… I was expecting it to fall short.

But you kids worked harder than I imagined, and thanks to that, we’re getting a ton of attention from the public…

Now we even have a production committee set up, while the funding and scale are growing beyond our wildest dreams.

This isn’t just a magazine project anymore; we’re becoming a huge-scale endeavor that’s involving even TV crews and the like.

…or so said our Mr. Writer. He looked the most surprised while explaining, though.

In any case, we should take stories like this with a grain of salt.

I think he’s exaggerating with that “huge-scale endeavor” part, but it’s true it’s grown a lot bigger than when it first started.

Chiaki: Heheh, everybody is welcoming your return, Sagami-sensei. Why not just concede and come back completely?

Jin: I already told you, I won’t… I get reminded with each passing day that I’m not eager or fit enough to catch up with youths like you anymore.

Either way, since it’s now a huge plan involving a lot of money and people, tossing it halfway has become out of the question.

So yeah, I’ll keep my act together until Project-Saga is done through and through.

Hokuto: Alright, give it your all. We’ll help you as long as it doesn’t interfere with our actual unit work. No—we’ll be sure to give our everything as Rain-bows.

Jin: ‘Kay, but save your worry for Trickstar; you guys have been looking out of it lately.

Hokuto: Right… I’ll spare no effort for both, naturally. The more recognition I get as Rain-bows, the more it benefits our units, too.

Tori: Yup. If Project-Saga’s gotten huge, that means we can gain more fame too.

It’s great news, really~ There’s never anything bad about success~♪

Jin: Right. But the more people are involved, the more responsibilities we have too.

We’ll suffer more damage when we fail, so we’ve gotta let go of the not-so-serious attitude we’ve had ‘til now.

Hokuto: No, you are the only one who isn’t serious, Sensei.

Jin: Eh~ I’m trying in my own way too, though.

Oh well. Anyway, there’s one more thing… bad news this time. Or, well, I guess I can’t write it off completely as bad.

This is kinda related to what I just told you; we might have a little troublesome problem coming our way.

Chiaki: …What does that mean?

Jin: So, to get to the point: Project-Saga’s participants have increased explosively.

There are several reasons… First is the increase in Project-Saga’s budget, which means participants will be getting actual rewards for their work.

Hokuto: Ahh… Previously, the promised pay was so meager that participating was all pain and no gain.

Tori: Yeah, yeah! We were basically flat broke. Even our main reason for holding that live show we had was to gather our own activity funds.

Jin: Yup, so it’s good news that the budget situation improved — now we don’t have to worry about money.

But since we’ve got a rise of participants, we aren’t keeping all the profit for ourselves, of course.

Anyway, onto the next reason.

Thanks to the decent evaluation of our activities, the retirees who were previously waiting around are starting to get off their butts.

Chiaki: Oh! Is it because they think “We can’t sit around while the Sagami Jin is giving his all!”? That’s so neat! So dramatic~♪

Jin: Nah… Up until now, reviving retired idols just sounded plain crazy, so they probably didn’t wanna risk getting humiliated for nothing.

But then they saw us actually doing well and getting fawned over, so they’re probably starting to think they might get to shine like the old times too.

Y’know, to get another taste of that glory—that nectar they had in the past.

…But that’s an off-putting way to describe it, huh?

I’m sure you kids know how gratifying it feels to stand on stage and be cheered on by your fans.

It’s no different from beer or cigarettes; once you know their flavor, you’ll find 'em hard to let go.

Figuratively speaking, what we’re doing is the same as relishing a bottle of beer in front of someone who's renounced drinking for a long time.

And we’re holding out the bottle to them, telling them, “You can have some if you want”.

Project-Saga is that beer.

And unlike beer and cigs, they won’t be reprimanded for savoring it. In fact, their old fans will be overjoyed to see them again.

So it’s natural that they would get tempted and think, “Where’s the harm in a mouthful?”

Tori: Mm~ I get it even less when you compare it to beer.

Jin: You’re still a minor, after all. Anyway… I can only guess what at they’re thinking, but the explosive increase of Project-Saga participants is real.

They’re all like us; temporary units formed of a retired idol that mentors a bunch of young disciples.

I’d guess most of them are still too new to even have unit names yet.

✦✦✦✦✦

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#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #s: saga #era: ! #hyenahunttl #type: event #tori himemiya #hokuto hidaka #chiaki morisawa #jin sagami

[findingyourrootscomic]

I think all the different topics you explore such as gender and racism are one of the most awesome things about FYR! As a Pokemon/Nuzlocke comic I know a lot of kids are out there reading it (I know I read tons as a kid) and that means they’re learning about something so important they might not have understood in that way before. Stories like FYR are so, so valuable for the gateways they open.

Ohh, that's so kind of you to say. ;;o;;

I'm gonna be honest! Before I started making FYR, it was my dream to be a children's book author. I always wanted to write stories for kids and teens, not just because kids' media is objectively better than adult media, but also because it would give me the opportunity to teach what I know and impart important lessons to my young audience. I'm aware that FYR's audience is composed of a lot of young people, so it makes me really happy that I'm getting to live my dream through being a pokemon comic artist!

Racism is an extremely complicated subject. Our school system here in America really tries to teach that "Racism Is Over Now," that MLK dealt with everything and it's all better now and the only way to be racist is to scream slurs at people of color in the streets or whatever. The subtlety and nuance of the topic just goes completely out the window, so a lot of kids grow up not even understanding what racism actually looks like. Hell I'm a mixed black woman, and a lot of instances of racism I experienced in my youth flew over MY head because I was never taught to understand what racism actually is. (I just blamed myself for a lot of those events and figured something must be wrong with me or something.) I'm quite oblivious by nature, but hell if a black girl like me couldn't pick out instances of racism as they were happening directly to me, how the hell is any other kid supposed to? Especially the white kids?

FYR will have somewhat of a narrowed scope, just cause there are a lot of parts of racism that I'm not super comfortable talking about. We won't really get into racial violence, for example, because it's a little too close to home. FYR's main objective is to focus on the experience of mixed race people and how we have to navigate a complex world that would rather fit us into boxes.

We're only gonna give further and further into these topics as the comic goes on, so buckle in folks! Chapter 8 especially is gonna be a doozy. Let's all enjoy some adorable marshtomps and learn a new thing or two about racism~

#fyr ask #introducing a new perspective on racism is def my goal here #because lots of media that delves into racism freaking sucks #watch this pokemon fancomic do a better job of exploring racism than actual professional writers lol

[mira--mira]

Ohh, the Founders Week Legacy sounds interesting! I'm such a sucker for time travel AUs 😅 Also the jutsu accident, ehehehe.

Me, write a time-travel AU? No, who would have seen this? *shoves OoT in a locker*

Here's the bit of Legacy I have now:

“You’re so impatient,” Hashirama chuckles and Madara feels the prick of tears in his eyes. He never thought he’d hear the sound again. “Maybe we both were…It takes time, Madara. Our dream started with us, but it has to be cultivated and kept alive by generations after. We were never going to see the full fruition in our life-times, only youth and hubris made us think we would.” Hashirama squeezes his hand and Madara gathers all of his failing strength, seeping out like chakra through his skin, to squeeze back.

“Our dream?” He remembers the night at the Naka. Where it started and ended, the words seared into his mind as any image he’s ever captured with the sharingan.

“Our dream,” Hashirama repeats. “Konoha is still…young in a way. There’s been many failures and more work to be done now than ever but…I saw the village briefly. I’ve spoken to a handful of people who lived there. It’s not a lost cause, Madara. Not yet.”

“Always the optimist,” Madara snorts and his body spasms in pain. He spoke so fondly of the village, as if it hadn’t been the death of both of their clans. As if the bijuu hadn’t been weaponized on a scale impossible even when Madara first led it to the border as a threat. As if the whole system just as corrupt as it had been in their time, just with a different name.

“Have you seen it?” Hashirama asks and he bends over Madara. He knows, he can feel the brush of Hashirama’s hair on his chest.

“No,” Madara answers honestly. He knows enough, looking through Obito’s eyes first as a brat trapped under the rock and then as the bitter adult with his pet Akatsuki long dead.

The mystery of 'how does Madara survive' is answered simply by 'Hashirama's bullshit cells, sage mode, and some weird other shit'. Madara "I'm ready to die with you Hashirama" Uchiha and Hashirama "actually, I think you deserve a second chance and I'm giving it to you forcibly" Senju.

And Jutsu Accident is here:

It happens by accident.

One minute Hashirama is flying through made up handseals imploring Madara to turn and look at his [canon made up jutsu], the next his skin tingles and actual chakra activates and bursts out of his arms as…flowers.

Hashirama stares down at the buds covering his bare arms and hands, watching as their leaves unfurl and lengthen as heads begin to form and bloom. A natural process that takes weeks or months, finished in seconds.

Madara tenses at the presence of chakra, a few weeks ago he let it slip he as a sensor-type nin, and spins around. He looks startled more than angry, eyes wide but shoulders loose instead of standoffish so Hashirama counts his blessings.

“Um Hashirama…” Madara trails off, looking down at the colorful flowers, “you’re…blooming.” He glances up at Hashirama, eyes narrow and squinty as if to ask: was this the real purpose of that ridiculous jutsu?

“Surprise?” Hashirama squeaks, surprised as Madara. The mokuton awakened less than a year ago, he has no idea what to expect from it but it seems a likely culprit in this case. But then Hashirama looks down at the flowers, actually properly looks at them and nearly passes out.

Six kinds of flowers pop out of his skin: purple asters with starry petals, spindly red columbines, tiny white clover heads clustered close together, delicate five-pointed white jasmine, little trumpets of dark blue morning glories, and thick clumps of heavy ivory gardenias.

The meaning of the flowers: Jasmine - sweet love, amiability, Morning glory – affection, White clover – think of me, Red columbine – anxious trembling, Gardenia – you’re lovely, secret love, Aster – symbol of love, daintiness. Fundamentally in the language of flowers "oh my god I have the biggest crush on you, I think I love you, please don't find out" was what I was going for 😂

#Legacy #Flowers #naruto #hashimada #hashirama senju #madara uchiha #wips #legacy #jutsu accident #asks #elenyafinwe #it's going to be a miracle if the titles of these fics aren't Legacy and Flowers 😂 #i dunno why tumblr deleted part of that tag originally...

[dreamii-yume]

Ohh Queen Yume you've opened the floodgates!! Which guys would be head over heels over a gorgeous, kind sensei!MC?? Who would feel conflicted about their feelings and who are shameless enough to try to pursue her?

“Tell the guards to open up...THE GATES~”

EVERYONE (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀) fight me with this one, Darlings.

Everyone would be up our Darling Sensei’s ass, I BET YOU MY LIFE SUPPORT. The better question at this point would be asking which wouldn’t be attracted to a beautiful Sensei lol

Riddle would act as if it’s the end of the world as falling in love with a teacher is a huge violation of many rules. Though he sometimes slips up with little gestures that makes him stutter and blush uncharacteristically, he can hide his emotions very well. He will try to kill these forbidden feelings, but doing so just breaks his heart. He secretly wants you to come and save him, recognizing him like he does withyou.

Deuce would be ashamed for falling in love with a teacher, how can he tell his mother about this? He came here to become a model student, not to become so attached to his own instructor. He tries to hide as much as he can but he’s a blushing mess with just the slightest attention from you, anyone could instantly tell what’s up. It’s just a matter of time before Sensei herself realized this precious boy’s feelings.

Jack is conflicted. Why was he feeling this way towards his teacher out of all people available? I see him as someone who fully respects you, he’ll be less violent and even if you haven’t noticed, you already got him perfectly tamed. He’ll keep his feelings for himself and wouldn’t ever plan to tell anyone. Though people have been noticing how slightly protective he’s being with you, of course he’ll violently deny them all. But sometimes it can’t be helped, his own tail would involuntary sway back and forth so excitedly if you go as far as to graze him.

Sebek doesn’t seem to like it, poor boy is just really confused. He should already be dedicated to his young master, he doesn’t need these silly feelings to add to his plate! You’re a teacher! You’re a person that he should respect and pay attention to for knowledge but instead, he’s disgusted at the way you haunt his dreams every night! He can’t believe he’s already falling in love with a human like you! Stop making him feel all giddy on the inside, it’s some sort of spell, isn’t it!?

Poor Idia just can’t take a break, can he? When he’s already stuck in a school full of self-centered brats, how dare you come and knock at his closed-off, introverted heart? He knew these kinds of scenarios from all the dating sims he’ve played but never in his life had he thought that he will find himself in the same situation. That being said, he’s still anxious to come and talk to you personally, his tablet was one way but even that doesn’t feel enough. He might really be going crazy as he starts to want to go outside just to meet you...

Silver can’t seem to put two and two together, he couldn’t quite figure out why his heart was beating so fast for his Darling Sensei. He would ask his father for any explanation but wouldn’t get anything out of it but a simple chuckle. That’s fine, something tells him that he wouldn’t be able to trust his advices anyway. Whatever it is, he’s quite fond of it and he doesn’t seem to care much, he does become really sad when you’re away though.

As we already established, Ace can be quite shameless when it comes to his feelings. He won’t outright say what he feels for you, but he’ll constantly flirt and tease you when he has the chance. Don’t be surprised when you begin to notice him actually trying to cope a feel or looking up your skirt because that’s just him. Also, be careful, he’s very prone to using dirty handed tricks to capture your attention.

Leona is another shameless one, he doesn’t care about status, if he sees a prey, it’s just natural for him to bite from the neck, right? What’s wrong with being a little older? He’s not even that young compared to these useless herbivore, he’s the best that you can get. It wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration to say that your class might just be the only class that Leona wouldn’t skip. Mainly because he might miss some exclusive view of you, like when your skirt would hitch up every time you bend over to grab something. He wouldn’t hesitate to grope either, that ass is just too tempting not to bite to at least once.

Floyd is difficult to deal with, since he’s likely the most shameless one out of the bunch. He doesn’t care about you being a teacher, Sensei is Sensei regardless! He’ll bother you at every opportunity he gets and at every place he sees you at. He’ll make excuses to meet you up, even going as far as to skip class just so you could take the effort and search for him. It bothers you a little that this particular student of yours constantly keeps asking questions about your lectures even if he always seems to already know the answer.

I’d say Malleus would also be shameless but he doesn’t actually realize that he’s being one. Forgive him for acting so strangely possessive and clingy around you, following you everywhere like a lost baby animal. It’s just that he’s not familiar with having romantic feelings with someone, let alone a mere human. He doesn’t see anything special in your role as a teacher, he had lived much, much longer than you after all.

Lilia is amused, to think that someone as wise as him had actually fallen in love with someone who was supposed to be his ‘teacher’. Never in his long life had he found himself in this kind of situation, it’s interesting! It’s not like it’s a problem anyway, you are nothing more than a child compared to his actual age, you’re just a mortal teaching him stuff that he already knew. But it doesn’t hurt to take advantage of his youthful appearance now, does it? Lilia’s excited to know where this relationship can go.

Sometimes, Trey and Jamil just doesn’t feel like a student to you. Being a lot more mature than the other students, you just can’t help but to rely on them for a lot of things. Maybe that’s probably why you’ll never notice how deeply in love these two are with you, they’re just that good when it comes to hiding emotions. They’ll give subtle hints here and there and Trey, most likely, might even flirt with you at some point but you’ll be so familiar with him by now that you wouldn’t even mind. I’d say Trey’s a bit on the shameless side, but not in a way that makes him clingy while Jamil is the type to just keep quiet but secretly and skillfully making moves.

Cater is categorized as shameless when it comes to expressing his feelings, but when Darling’s a teacher, things becomes a little...complicated. Don’t get him wrong, he’ll be the same as always, so talkative and energetic around you, even calling out for you with a cute nickname. He’ll even flirt like you’re the same age as him but he would always make it seem like a joke. If you’re a teacher, he’ll also be very careful about posting something about you in his Magicam, he knows how this works anyway. One word out that you’re becoming too close with a particular student, you’ll risk losing your job. Cater doesn’t want that happening anytime soon, but just know that he can make it happen too if he absolutely needs to. Until then, it’s all good and dandy!

Ruggie wouldn’t be guilty nor conflicted about his feelings, but he wouldn’t be as shameless as to scream out his feelings to everyone around him. No, only an idiot will do that and it’s embarrassing so, no thank you. Instead, he can play the long game, he’s a patient guy despite how he looks. Besides, he’s used to these kinds of stuff by now so it’s not that much different~! Expect many coincidences with him in it though!

Azul appears to be very calm on the inside, always helping you out whenever you need him without asking for anything in return. That’s what he is, a simp a gracious student ready to help his dear teacher out any time! But that’s what you think, in reality, he’s just desperately trying to earn your favor by being your “Yes-man”. He believes that if he became the goodest boy in your eyes, you’ll be able to love him as much as he does with you. Although, just expect a few tears and tantrums when he doesn’t get his way though.

Jade is so different from his brother that it surprises you that they’re even twins in the first place. He respects your boundaries, even if he wanted nothing more than to become as shameless as his other half. He’s very active when it comes to your lessons too, always paying attention with the greatest interest. He even serves you tea as refreshments and helps you with work if he feels as if you’re overworking yourself. He’s not really the type to care whether you’re a teacher, “I wonder~?” He’ll be very vague about it if anyone dares to ask but if you look closely, that smile says it all.

Kalim wouldn’t be able to recognize his feelings for a really long time. He’ll think it’s just normal to feel this way, for his heart to beat this fast, for his face to heat up, for thoughts of you to flow through his head even at night. But when he does, all those times he shamelessly clung to you and talked to you will come back to attack him all at once. He’ll actually lower down his affection levels because he was told that liking a teacher is bad and it might actually cost you your job. But it’s so difficult! It wouldn’t hurt to spend...a little more time with you, would it!?

Vil thinks it’s stupid of him and of you. He thinks he’s stupid for falling in love with someone like you, his own teacher, it’s unbelievable how low his standards had become. But at the same time, he thinks you’re stupid for not being able to understand why he fell in love with you in the first place too. Despite the salt of falling in love with someone like you of all people, it doesn’t change the fact the he’ll keep on striving to become the best for you. He wants you to notice him, notice his improvements, and make you feel how lucky you are for catching his attention, so would you try and look at him in a different way for once?

Rook just loves anyone and anything, does he? Everything is beautiful in his eyes and yet, there was something about you that shines the brightest amongst all others. There should be no shame in expressing his feelings, he’ll shout it out loud to world. His eccentric personality is working against his favor too, even if honestly and openly admitted his feelings towards you with everyone, no one will actually take it seriously. But what others perceives to be true isn’t always true, Darling.

I’m not quite sure where to put Epel in all of this, something’s telling me that he would be on the shameless side only if he’s willing to show his much more aggressive side. However, I can imagine him being worried to show that side to you, since you were already put under the impression that he’s a dainty, gentle boy. Although he doesn’t like being treated like he’s the most fragile thing of all people, he can’t deny the attention he gets from you whenever he’s acting like this. Epel doesn’t really seem to care if you’re a teacher in all of this, he knew that it’s not good but he’s determined. Once he graduates, he’ll definitely make a move on you so, just you wait...!

Before I knew it, I made something for every character holy shi- my teacher kink is terrifying.

Also, yes, Darlings! Yume changed her usename from “amai-no-yume” to “dreamii-yume”! ( ＾∀＾) To tell you the truth, I didn’t expect to like posting sins in tumblr this much ヽ(；▽；) So I ended picking such a half-ass username! But now, I decided to change it to something hopefully cuter and more appropriate! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Nice to meet you again, Darlings~!

[the-fiction-witch]

The Other Harmon P1 - P5

TV SHOW : THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY WATTS X READER RATING: Flirty Af

Part 1: Happiness 

I laid looking at the ceiling, pondering, thinking, My brain never turned off. It never had as long as I remember, my life had been a strange one and yet I had found my own happiness, I just have hope my sister will find it likewise just I imagine not the way I did, as we had always been two rather different Harmon's.

"Uummmm..." I heard beside me looking to the other half of my bed as he turned over his mop of messy long hair matted and out of place more so than usual, his face a picture of peace and relaxation his facial hair sat as perfect as usual, his strong skinny upper body out from our covers a little the rest of him wrapped up warmly his face stiffened and he grimaced "y/n? What are you doing still awake?" He asks with a yawn

"Nothing Benny, I couldn't sleep"

"Alright, come on, come here honeydew... Let's get some rest, got a plane to catch in the morning" he yawns pulling me to his chest like I was his teddy bear. Not that I minded at all. I kissed his bare skin and nuzzled closer to him trying to lose myself in a dream.

Part 2: Promise Me!

"Girls-"

"Mother? What's going on?" My sister spoke

"Girls we just uhh were just going on an uhh a little trip out for ice cream," my mother said in a hurried tone as she drove "okay baby just close your eyes, close your eyes and you promise me you'll look after your sister"

"Mother-"

"Promise me!"

"I promise"

I remember little else of what happened. I just remember my sister holding my hand as they took us somewhere, I didn't understand where They took me away from my sister for reasons I didn't know.

"Elizabeth Harmon, and Y/n Harmon. Eight and four" a man said as he made notes taking me somewhere else.

I would see my sister often but she never seemed happy all she ever wanted to do was play chess and I didn't understand it. I liked to watch but I couldn't play honestly. I didn't really want to but I knew the more my sister grew to know that board the less she would grow Into my sister. One day people came and we were told to wash up and dress nicely. I showered, brushed my teeth and put on my prettiest dress doing my hair Into braids with small blue ribbons even shinned my little shoes. And I went and waited for what felt like forever until Beth arrived

"Where have you been?" I asked

"Sleeping"

"But this is important"

"It's just another couple who will look at us see us as a package and not bother" she explained "they always want you... they never want me"

"Well... maybe if you tried"

"You think I don't?"

"I'm sure you do beth," I nodded as the door opened and we were ushered inside and there sat a rather nice looking couple. Things were said and disgusted but I barely spoke a word until they left and we were told to pack.

Part 3 : Different

I forced so much of that time away from me watching only as she got better she drifted away from me, I remember wondering around this hotel as Beth chatted with her friends. I saw someone sitting discussing chess to some other men. Something about him seemed so... different.

All these boys were stuck up little nerds in suits with pocket protectors for their pens, hair gelled back and glasses perched but...

He was different. His jeans tight to his body leaving little to imagination a tight belt around his waist a black shirt under a green shirt unbuttoned slightly but all hidden by this long leather coat, his slender pale neck intrigued me his face youthful and yet aged a speckling of facial hair giving him a look of someone more mature his brown eyes seemed to hesitate on the crowd he spoke to his hair pulled back by his hat but it was obvious it was long and unruly. Someone came over and the crowd quickly left him alone. He stopped of course and turned to scan the room until he saw me. His eyes flicked up and down before he seemed confused. I went over out of curiosity sitting on the chair across the table from him

"Hello" I smiled

"Hi, how old are you little girl?" He asks

"Old enough to know better" I smiled making him chuckle a little too "are you playing today?"

"No, I just come to... see old friends and check what's going on" he explained, "do you play?"

"Not really, watched a lot," I said

"Here, I'll give you a game," he says laying out a thick wooden board and laying out all the pieces all the years of watching beth and I knew so little "don't worry, I'll go easy on you" he winked moving a piece I had no plan or much skill of moves or starters or anything like that I just plaid and not five minutes later "Hu... you uhhh your good"

"Thank you" I smiled

"I think I know who you are, '' he smirked "your Beth Harmon? Aren't you? That kid that knocked Harry off his perch in Kentucky?"

"Ohh no" I laughed

"No? Who are you then?"

"Y/n, Beth's my sister" I answered

"Is she now, well it was very nice to play you y/n"

"It was nice to play with you too" I smiled "ooh sorry I uh-"

"Benny, Benny watts" he smiled offering his hand I happily took it and he gave my hand a little kiss before getting up with his stuff to go elsewhere

"Who was that?" Beth asked behind me

"Who?" I asked

"Who was that you were just talking to?" She asked

"Ooh... just a boy" I smiled

"A boy? What were you doing?" She asks sitting with me

"We played a game is all"

"I thought you hated chess?"

"I don't hate it, I don't love it, it's a nice game," I said

"Who was he y/n?"

"He said his name was Benny"

"Benny? Benny watts?" She asked and I nodded "you- you just played a game against Benny watts?"

"Yes, he seemed lovely, A very fine gentlemen" I smiled

"Y/n, you know who that was right?"

"No..."

"He's US champion"

"Ooh, well I beat him, though he was going easy on me" I explain

"This is why I don't take you places" she sighed going off elsewhere.

Part 4 Our Little Secret 

Beth barely let me on trips after that she didn't seem to like me around when she was doing chess for whatever reason but I went with her and our new mother to las Vegas I stood around this strange place seeing so many names and so many tables I simply wondered thought in my dress trying not to draw attention to myself, I spotted on a board of people the name of my sister. I also saw not far away on the list a name I remembered from what feels like so long ago Benny watts I remember that name it's funny but since that day I had I suppose you could call me a groupie if chess has groupies, fan I suppose.

I kept an eye on him, magazine articles of him, pictures of little things mostly even if I hid them under my bed not wanting Beth to know, I thought something pleasant about him and the fact I had beaten him so long ago even if no one knew that but him and I. It was like a secret we shared.

And just at that moment, a familiar voice spoke up

"Well, well, little y/n Harmon. What are you doing here?' I heard I turned and saw Benny much as I Last did in fact almost exactly like a picture I clipped from chess review not two weeks ago

"Benny watts" I smiled so excited to see him "ohh well just here for beth and all"

"Of course yeah, hopefully, I should at least get to play your legendary sister" he laughs "you know one of these days you should enter"

"Me? No, no chess is Beth's thing I wouldn't want to impose"

"Y/n if beth can wipe the floor with these boys you can do it with your eyes closed," he says

"Chess isn't my thing, never has been"

"You beat me"

"I haven't forgotten that Mr Watts" I blushed

"Aren't we growing up to be a proper lady?" He laughs "growing up a lot back home? Aren't you?" He asked as I caught his eyes lingering in me I blushed hard seeing such a thing

"Yes, I am"

"I can tell," he says "how about a game?"

"It's alright, you don't want to do too many today"

"Come on, just for fun," he says

"No thank you, how was Austin?"

"Sorry?"

"You were in Austin recently, how was it?"

"How do you know?"

"I keep up with chess review, well once beth is done with it" I smiled

"Do you? Are you keeping an eye on me?"

"I like keeping an eye on you" I smiled "so how was it?"

"It was Lovely"

"I always wanted to go..."

"I'll have to take you with me, next time" he smiled "just answer me something... honestly, I'm sure when Beth has things written about her in all these chess magazines she cuts them out and then lets you have them?"

"Yes" I nodded

"And then if it happened in those said chess magazines happen to have anything about... me in them, do you have a read?"

"Of course I do like I said I keep an eye" I smiled

"And would all those little clippings about me be in a secret box under your bed so beth doesn't find out what you've been doing?" He asked and I froze up completely "I take that as a yes, don't worry our little secret" he winked "I'm sure I'll see you later y/n" he smiled giving my hand a little kiss and he went off somewhere I assume for a game but as I watched him walk away I felt something strange. A horrible pain in my stomach...

Part 5: A Woman 

I ran as fast as my feet would carry me up to the room, my mother and beth both gone already I ran to the bathroom pulling up my dress and my many petticoats seeing the trail of thick red blood that had begun to form as my stomach cracked with the horrific pain as badly as it had earlier. I pushed my dress off me and almost saw the blood coming out of me as I cried out in pain, I grabbed as much toiler paper as I could rolling it up and cleaning myself up and going back to watch beth.

"You alright darling?" Our adoptive mother asks

"Uhh yeah" I nodded

"what's wrong?" she asked pulling me to the side a little

"I uh I started"

"Ohh, first time?" she asks and I nodded a little scared almost in tears she handed me something from her handbag and a couple of pills "Go on it'll help," she says

"It hurts"

"they'll help with the pain"

"why does it have to hurt?"

"who knows" she sighed "But you're a woman now" she smiled

"Can... things cause it?"

"Like what darling?"

"Like... sinful things, or people?" I asked

"no of course not darling its a natural part of being a woman" she explained "All though... being excited doesn't help" she winked "why do you ask?"

"No reason" I smiled as I glanced across the hall to a table with benny playing against his opponent.

#THEQUEENSGAMBIT #Bennywatts #Benny watts #Tbs #thomasbrodiesangster

[parakeatswrites]

22. Space AU & 56. Awful first meeting for whatever pairing you like!

Thank you for the prompt!! Sorry that it took me so long to get 

I'm a sucker for the kind of space AU that has junkyard/wildwest aesthetcs and ai/telepathically linked ships. Also this idea got away from me a bit so we're looking at a Sarchengsey with a side of pynch. Had to stop myself before it got longer, but if I had more room, there would be lots of Blue & Ronan annoying friendship overtones.

[Link to OG post - give me 2 tropes & a pairing, and I’ll combine them!]

Either there was another glitch in the holographic screen of Blue’s pilot console, or there was a weak SOS beacon 20 clicks to their port side. She squinted at the static. The colour overlays had bugged out a week ago and she’d been flying by feel ever since. Somehow, she had thought flying between planets with contraband would be more exciting, but apparently anything could become banal if done frequently enough. 

“I think there’s someone out there,” Henry told her, fresh from the sonic shower and a nap in their tiny bunk. He leaned over her shoulder, warm and smelling of the cologne he had insisted on buying at the last trading post.

“Unlikely,” Blue shrugged him off and slouched into the creaky pilot’s seat.

“Open your eyes, Blue-bird,” he pointed at the screen as though he was any better at piloting than her, “it’s faint, but there’s a beacon, just there.”

Blue jostled the controls and his fingertip poked through the fuzzy projection. 

She said, “that’s an AGG beacon. Only R.A.V.E.Ns have them.” 

“Ohh,” Henry sounded thrilled at the prospect, “an Academy ship! I wonder what they’re doing all the way out here? Imagine swooping in and saving the day!”  

Blue pretended for a moment that he wasn’t going to convince her to check it out. She didn’t want anything to do with an Academy ship - everyone knew that R.A.V.E.Ns were assholes zipping through their backwater little sector like they owned it. With the way they were setting up research stations on each mid-sized moon, they might as well own the sector.

She was already turning towards the SOS beacon. 

Their hail was picked up the moment they were in range. Henry gleefully reeled off the standard opening call - at least he omitted their serial number - as he turned slightly in the tiny cockpit to hover over the communication panel. 

The voice that came back was threaded with static, but still arched with the entitled sort of accent you would expect from a R.A.V.E.N pilot. 

“Is your ship refurb Old Guard tech?” 

“Circa old age fourteen-fifteen,” Henry confirmed coyly.

“Are you seriously flirting about the commission date of our unlicensed ship?” Blue hissed incredulously. 

The voice was back enthusiastically, “I thought I recognized the symbols on the anterior. She’s beautiful, but she’s seen better days, I expect?” 

And Henry was swaying over the comms unit, eyes lit up by the blue dash. Blue could nearly see him writing the back-cover of his own trashy romance novel in real time.

“Do you need help or not?” Blue cut in, testily, before they got derailed further. 

“Oh, yes, I expect so,” the voice still did not seem to belong to someone who needed to be rescued. 

“You don’t sound like you need to be rescued,” Blue said. 

“Well, the AGG beacon does reach quite far,” the voice was happy to inform her, “I dare say that another smuggler will likely come along before my life support systems are critical, but they probably won’t have as interesting a ship as you do.” 

“I hate him,” Blue muttered. 

“Blue, be a dear and reroute some power to the de-con unit?” Henry asked, blowing a kiss towards her.

The first thing the R.A.V.E.N pilot said to them after stepping out of their tiny closet of a de-con unit was, “have you had any luck accessing the ship’s AI? This should really be in a museum - they’ve been doing stellar work at rigging up a device to allow interfacing with pre-Fall AI.” 

And because the first thing the pilot had done before speaking was tug off his pressure suit’s helmet to reveal mussed brown hair and a face that belonged on a recruitment poster, Henry mimed a swoon. 

Blue flipped on the janky autopilot and spun in her chair to glare at him, “listen, no more of,” she gestured at the pilot up-and-down, “all this.” 

He looked down at himself and seemed to consider this, then earnestly looked back at her, “I think the de-con took care of any pathogens, if that is your concern.” 

Blue had the patience to either pilot the ship, or deal with a floppy-haired Academy pilot, not both. Since Henry was already all-in on the romance of picking up a stranded pilot, Blue said, “I can either pilot this ship or deal with you.” 

“I would be happy to pilot the ship,” a small twitch to the pilot’s lips said that he was teasing her. 

Blue scowled and spun her chair back to the pilot controls, “we’re not taking him all the way to the Academy.” 

“We would love to take you to the Academy,” Henry said. 

“Henry.” 

“My apologies, I have been remiss in introductions,” the pilot sounded like he was offering a hand to shake, “Lieutenant Richard Gansey the third. But please,” and his voice was warmer again, “just call me Gansey.” 

“Henry,” Blue could hear Henry’s genuine excitement, even as he continued coyly, “you can call me, Henry, Gansey-man.” 

“A pleasure,” Gansey continued, “and for fear of offence, have you interfaced with the AI?” 

Blue wished she had - it was the whole reason she and Henry had kept this junker of a ship even though it had cost more in repairs than to initially buy off of the dealer Seondeok had connected them with. Blue had spent her whole youth dreaming of two things: getting off of that small moon, and figuring out even a small corner of the mystery of pre-Fall AI tech.

She didn’t want this annoying, self-entitled R.A.V.E.N pilot to stick his Academy nose into it. 

Henry said, “we haven’t heard a peep out of the AI.” 

Only the bloodlines from Glyndower’s Court were able to communicate with AI without bio-mods and they had all died during the Fall. Claiming to be able to interface with an AI was equivalent to trying to claim a birthright to a throne purposefully kept empty. That was a one-way ticket to a quiet death. Blue and Henry weren’t stupid enough to admit that to a stranger from the Academy even if they were fluent. 

“Say you were interested in changing that,” Gansey stepped up behind the pilot’s chair and Blue could see his boyish smile in the corner in her vision. Against her better judgement it lit up something sleeping in her gut. He continued, “I might know someone who could help.” 

[Star-wipe to a rusted out garage on a dusty planet with a tarp-sign that says “Parrish’s Repairs”. Blue’s ship kicks up dust as Ronan stalks out the corrugated steel door with his hand on the heel of a holstered pistol.]

#sarchengsey

[thatsaweirdwaytospellundead]

Senribana Monogatari 2/11

Summary: Due to Citron’s work as the Zahran Minister of Culture and Arts there has been a surge in interest in foreign culture in Zahra. Prince Tangerine gives his brother a call, but it seems he has more on his mind than just an invitation..

Note: This event references a popular Japanese fairytale titled “The Story of the Old Man Who Made Withered Trees to Blossom”, I encourage you to read it here!

This is a 10 part story with an epilogue.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10]

Epilogue “The Story of the Old Man Who Made Withered Trees to Blossom”

Citron  

Hello everyone, I have some great shoes!

Homare  

Shoes, huh? Where?

Citron  

WE’RE GOING TO PERFORM IN ZAHRA!

Izumi  

WHAT!?

Citron  

Tangerine told me that the interest in foreign culture has surged amongst the Zahran youths and has asked me for help promoting foreign culture.

And I thought the best way to do that would be to perform a play in Zahra!

Sakyo  

I see.. A performance in Zahra you say? I had a feeling you would suggest that.

Citron  

And I was just informed by Tangerine that the king has already approved of the plan!

Itaru  

Wow, you guys get things done fast over there.

Sakyo  

Hmm well we have already performed in Zahra. We held the encore performances for Winter Troupe’s opera and Spring Troupe’s Quartet there. I’m guessing this time will be different from the previous performances.

A performance officially endorsed by the Zahran royal family would certainly add to our already high prestige as an acting troupe.

Izumi  

I couldn’t think of a more perfect idea!

Tenma  

So you’re saying the royal family is really going to give us their official endorsement? Well then we can’t let ourselves flop. Wait and doesn’t that mean the contents of the performance would have to go through some close inspection first?

Banri  

If we’re going to Zahra we should leave it to Spring and Winter since they have experience.

Tsumugi  

Since you put it that way, maybe we should do a mixed performance.

Citron  

I want to play the lead.

Izumi  

I agree, Citron would be the ideal candidate to perform the lead in a play for the children of his home country.

Sakyo  

And not to mention you’re quite popular over there.

Sakuya  

I agree!

Tsuzuru  

So then, Citron, what kind of play were you thinking?

Citron  

Well.. When I think we should do something that captures the essence of Japan. Like.. KABUKI!

Izumi  

Kabuki?

Citron  

I want to teach the children of Zahra that their dreams can come true even in a different country!

Tsuzuru  

That sounds nice. It seems like it will be a bit difficult to write such a play, but I am up for the challenge.

Yuki  

The costumes will probably be a bit tough, but I’m excited.

Kazunari  

Super vibing just thinking about these kabuki inspired costumes yoooo!!!

Tasuku  

I know a bit about kabuki to a certain extent so I’m willing to help in any way I can.

Tsuzuru  

Thanks.

Izumi  

Now that we decided the theme of the performance, let’s decide who is going to be in it.

Sakuya  

Me, I want to perform!

The Zahran people were so kind during our training camp so I am definitely interested in performing again for them in this mixed performance..

Citron  

With Sakuya with us, we’ll be so strong!

Izumi  

I see..

Tangerine  

<< KABUKI!? I am sooo soooooo happy that you’re gonna perform over here! And on top of that you’re gonna do Kabuki! >>

Citron  

<< I am glad to hear you’re excited, we’ll do our best. >>

Tangerine  

<< Oh.. Are you going to invite Orange and Navel to the performance? >>

Citron  

<< .. Hmm, well I guess I don’t mind them coming. >>

Tangerine  

<< Got it. Alright so once we get the schedule and other details figured out I’ll give you a call. >>

Citron  

<< Thanks. >>

Tangerine  

<< Good luck on your practice! >>

Citron  

<< Thank you. Talk to you soon. >>

..

Azuma  

Isn’t it a little too early for flower viewing.

Guy has made some jasmine tea. How about we have a cup together?

Citron  

Ohh looks delicious. Sure I’ll have a sip!

Azuma  

Did you tell Prince Tangerine about our Kabuki play?

Citron  

Yeah, he was really excited. Kabuki is pretty popular overseas.

Azuma  

I guess it is all thanks to the prince that Japan has become popular over there.

Citron  

We got so many people wanting to study abroad, soon enough we’re gonna have to form a Zahra Troupe at Mankai!

Azuma  

Hmm, sounds fun.

.. And how are your other two brothers?

Citron  

—

Azuma  

Apologies if it is a sensitive topic.

Citron  

Jason in the wall, Bloody Mary in the mirror, Citron behind you back. Azuma above your head.

Azuma  

Fufu, that makes it sound like I’m some sort of ninja. I am not here to eavesdrop. 

I don’t know that much Zahran so I couldn’t understand what you were saying. All I know is I heard those two names mentioned.

Citron  

You got sharp ears.

Azuma  

Fufu, I just think they have cute names.

Citron  

Cute.. That’s not a word often used to describe those two.

Azuma  ..

By the way, do you have sakura in Zahra?

Citron  

No, we don’t. When I was younger I really wanted to see them so I looked up how I could grow them myself. Sadly the climate and maintenance for them is just not possible in Zahra.

But I didn’t want to give up so I planted some artificial sakura flowers in the garden.

Azuma  

Oh, you really did love Japan.

Citron  

At that time I don’t think I really knew I loved Japan, but I was engrossed in a particular Japanese picture book.

Azuma  

Picture book?

Citron  

It’s the one called “The Story of the Old Man Who Made Withered Trees to Blossom!”

Azuma  

Oh, you’re talking about the old fairytale with Hanasaka Jiisan?

Citron  

YEP!

It just goes to show you, no matter what absurdity happens, an honest man always gets his reward. So I worked hard, knowing that there was someone always watching over me.

Azuma  

Do you think you ended up getting rewarded in the end?

Citron  

All I can say is that I am thankful I believed in the story.

Azuma

Then I am sure you will be able to express your feelings through the play to the rest of the Zahran people.

Citron  

.. I hope so.

To be continued.. Read part 3 here!

#a3 #a3! translation #エースリー #s:senribana monogatari #a3:citron #this event is hard to translate wtf

[yakumtsaki]

Well guys, it’s that time of year again. To recap, Jojo is still not a werewolf, Wyatt has shattered every record of incompetence and still not reached the top of his career, noogiesexual Shajar got dumped by Sophie Miguel and befriended a vampire, Cyneswith continues to date black-lipstick-broken-face-template flop Don Oates, Wulf grew up in the most iconic outfit of all time, and we got a new cat named Alcibiades for D’vorah to mate with since she refused to have kittens with poor Sweets. So let’s pick up right where we left off, which is of course the endless battle of getting D’vorah to procreate..

-Come on sweetie, we got a new boy toy just for you, get on with it, you’re almost an elder!

-NEVER! I’m a direct descendant of Zoroaster’s cat herself, I’ll never sully my bloodline with the genetic material of some pound mutt! You find me an appropriate mate before I go full Henry VIII!

STOP MIXING HISTORICAL REFERENCES AND FUCK ALCIBIADES ALREADY. His name undercuts my point but still.

-Do we have any custom blue fur paint for my balls?

ALCIBIADES SHUT UP. You assholes are by far the worst generation of pets yet, the two cat losers are bad enough but then add fucking Maxx to the mix-

-AND FORGET ABOUT IT. Look who’s getting along all of a sudden! 

-Yes, now that it’s become clear that this cat legacy shitshow is crumbling, I’ve stopped beating up the cats because I will look like a bully kicking them while they’re down. It’s part of my image revamp to get the audience behind a dog legacy! 🐶

Maxx, nothing personal, but I hate you more than you can possibly imagine. Let’s check in with the humans, I’m sure they will be totally normal, likable and stable as always-

-I can see your beating heart with my x-ray vision. I want to eat it. 

-Yay, let my sister eat your heart! 💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch, I can get my own hearts to eat. 

-I just get excited when we do things together! 💗

-GAWD GTFO CYNESWITH, you’re ruining my Aztec sacrifice!!! 

-Ah, to be middle aged and in love, with your terrible children about to fuck off to college at any minute.. Looking at you, Wulf. Literally looking at you. 

Somehow that is already enough checking in with the humans for one update?

-HAHA I GOT YOU! GIMME IT!! YOU DON’T EVEN NEED IT

-LEAVE MY HEART ALONE, SHAJAR, I KEEP TELLING YOU IT’S A VITAL ORGAN

-No it’s not, the paper that got my father kicked out of the mad scientist association said so! 

They hated Jojo because he told them the truth.

These two are actually getting along great and I get my hopes up that Shajar will stop being a literal incel! Let’s all join together in prayer-

-Did someone say ‘prayer’?

GODDAMMIT SOPHIE YOU HAVEN’T SHOWED UP AT ALL AND YOU CHOOSE THIS MOMENT TO MAKE YOUR GHOST DEBUT?? FUCK OFF  

-HAHA I was waiting for a situation where my appearance would hinder the biggest amount of sin!!!!

UGH you’ve gotten even more religious in death?!

-Of course I have, what do you think heaven does to your faith?

How the fuck are you both in heaven and wandering the earth as an apparition?

-My spirit takes earth vacations to cockblock! 

Well at least you’re dying how you lived: pissing me off. 

And of course Maxx goes in for the kill with his ‘good doggie’ routine, terminally distracting Blueshirt Whatshername from Shajar’s heart-eating charms. As always, big thanks to our pets, both alive and dead.

End of the road, Shajar! Enjoy this dancing scholarship that you hilariously earned during all the outings I forced you into to get rid of your incelitude.

As Shajar leaves for college a kissless noogiesexual, I decide to try and solve at least one of my problems, and that problem is called Don fucking Oates. So we call Lakshmi back, hoping she has forgiven me for our last tense interactions-

-I have not.

Wow ok well now you’re just being petty, you saddled me with Don Oates, don’t be a sour winner. Now is there anyone out there that can potentially beat Cyneswith and Don’s natural 3 bolts???

-Nop. 

LAKSHMI COME ON, YOU’RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH

-I’m telling you, there isn’t anyone else, they’re a perfect match!

Well I refuse to accept that reality, so hit us with your best shot.

-Whatever, it’s your money.

I mean technically it’s Jojo’s and maybe I shouldn’t be spending it so freely..

-Daddy wouldn’t have a problem with it! 💗

Yea he sure wouldn’t, Cyn, since he’s literally this post.

IS THAT ANOTHER TRICOU LOVECHILD AND THE LAMEST ONE TO BOOT???

-Yup.

HARD PASS. 

-Je suis back et je non get prόmόted agàin! :D

Another hugely successful day for Wyatt as usual. Honestly as long as you don’t get fired or demoted for a third time, whatever.

-Sό je can go to sleepé?? :D

Yea sure, it’s not like there’s anything for you to do around here now that the kids have grown up. Not that you ever did anything to begin with-

-Oui oui, all tres fascinàting, bonne nuit now!

Oh actually wait, I do need you to do something before you go to sleep for 16 hours.

-Quoi???

-Ohh, le pόrtait de le morté!

Le portrait de le morte indeed. Jojo is predictably super into his death portrait being painted, as one is. Seriously what are you doing.

-Composing a tragic opera about myself, what else.

On a casio??

-I could afford a concert piano but it wouldn’t fit into this pathetically tiny house you built, would it?

Ok I get where you’re coming from, but in my defense, given your youthful days, who the fuck could had anticipated you evolving into a financially successful and mentally stable adult instead of a bankrupt lunatic that eats his own feces?

-Oui, that’s what Shajàr est going to be! Huhu!

-HAHAHAHA oh Wyatt, you’re so attractive when you’re insulting our two terrible children. Where is that little goblin anyway?

Omfg you assholes, she went off to college yesterday.

-She did??? About time! One down, one to go. If only Cyneswith could stay here forever :(

-Oui :(

-________-

Speaking of, let’s try this one more time. Lakshmi please, for the love of god, give us something I can work with. 

-Alright fine, you wore me down. Ask..

-..and you shall receive.

OMG YAS RICKY CORMIER, I LOVE HIM AND HIS FACE TEMPLATE. What the fuck are you wearing, Rick? Don’t dress up on our account. 

-I was teleported here right from work, where the fuck am I???

That’s a great question Rick, you’re in our front yard on a date with our resident 10 nice points freakshow, Cyneswith. And I see that you have 7 nice points to Don’s 4, so you crazy kids just go ahead and hit it right off now!

-Not if I have anything to do with it!

VICTOR NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR GHOST BINGO, FUCK OFF

-It’s always the time for ghost bingo.

I try my best to make this date go well but Ricky isn’t into Cyneswith AT ALL. It’s honestly pretty offensive and I hate him now. 

‘I’ve had better dates’, you’re like 15, Casanova, calm down. What a twerp. 

With that last doomed attempt to break her and Don up, the time has come for Cyneswith to fuck off to college as well, and yes, Don is coming with us to be endlessly cheated on by Miss 20 Simultaneous Lovers/Grey Hair turn on. Fuck both mine and Don’s lives. 

As if my failure to perform a Donectomy wasn’t bad enough, what does Wyatt get the day he’s finally guaranteed to be promoted, BUT ANOTHER FUCKING CHANCE CARD, WITH WHICH HE HAS A 2 OUT OF 2 FLOPPING SCORE. One of them got him demoted, the other got him fired, it took us forever to get him the 9 fucking friends he needed, so this is just terrific. Istg I could go to a police academy in real life, graduate, join the force, rise up through the ranks and become a superhero in less time than it has taken Wyatt to do it. Here goes nothing but Wyatt’s hopes and dreams..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY

F I N A L L Y. 

OMFG.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT WAS LEGIT HARDER THAN KOMEI’S 6 PETS CAREER ONE, FUCKING HELL WYATT.

What a sight for sore eyes. 2 days before elderhood, but we did it, mon bebe! I’m so proud of us, but mainly me, for not giving up and making you a househusband which I know realize I should had done, because you’re so gonna destroy this city. 

-Je will savé la city! First ordér of enterprisé, àpprehending le killér seriàl knόwn as Dr. Gingér Violetté! ⭐

Oh boy. Good luck with that!

#gen 2 #ts2

[hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon]

I feel like the SPN fandom as a whole, especially the fantastic people who make vids, songfics and aesthetics, are missing out on the near-perfection that is The Gaslight Anthem. GA is a rock band from New Jersey, and basically all their songs have this vibe of “I’m a little sad, could kill you, miss when we were younger, and I want to be loud”. I’m also of the belief that a decent amount of their songs fit SPN perfectly.

Examples(I also highly recommend listening to all of these, they’re great):

American Slang(Highly appropriate in my opinion):

“And they cut me to ribbons and taught me to drive, I got my name tattooed inside of my arm. And I called for my father but my father had died! While you told us fortunes, in American Slang”

“And here’s where we died that time last year, and where the angels and devils meet, and you can dance with the Queen if you need, and she will always keep her cards, close to her heart.”

“....and I called for my father but my father had died! And we called for our mothers but our mothers had died, and you told us fortunes in American Slang”  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAqbnTKQBIY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI

Boxer:

“You got your pride and your prose, tucked just like a tommy gun somewhere in the smoke just in case you need it son, I heard it’s been a ride rougher than the last one, what’d you use to say, oh the harder they come”

“You took it all gracefully on the chin, knowing that the beatings had to someday end, we found the bandages inside the band, and the stitches on the radio, and there was something that was holding you down, and there were whispers that were driving you crazy and now you hunt the heart of this town, remember when I knew a boxer baby”

“And your tattooed knuckles oh how they grind down, try to be a man tough just like your father, try to settle down, more like a calm down remember them songs and the reasons we were singing for”

“And he, he says he just doesn’t miss her and he, hey says it’s somewhere in his framework, but I have heard you never really lose it do ya, do ya?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYMeWEGTOxA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=7

Bring It On:

“...Blue eyes and spitfire, I saw you walking back and forth, about another boy, thinking that you may wanna leave, so give me the fevers that just won’t break, and give me the children you don’t wanna raise, and tell me about the Cool, he sings to you those songs, if it’s better than my love, bring it on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ZN7NyPfb4&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=3

We Did It When We Were Young:

“There are no reasons to believe, I buried my faith in another plot,Where your heart and your claws will not find, And I don't feel you or recall, I put your bones out in the yard, For someone else to be called and caught by” “And I cannot hold a candle for every pretty gun,We were strangers many hours and I missed you for so long, When we were liars, lovers in combat, Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned” “But I am older now, And we did it when we were young, I am older now, And we did it when we were young”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8WPJHajEY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=10

Old Haunts:

“And all along you knew my story, didn't you? And all night long I carried yours, Your blood was mixed with wine and robbery, baby, And left us always wanting more” “So don't sing me your songs about the good times, Those days are gone and you should just let them go, And god help the man who says "If you'd have known me when..." Old haunts are for forgotten ghosts” “Cherry Bomb, your love is surgery, Removing what you don't regard, And every breath felt like a funeral, baby, While you were packing up your car” “And with the window down, I hear you're tired now, You borrowed everything and wore all your old welcomes out, Well, shame on you, my love, you sold your youth away, Memories for sinking ships that never would be saved”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoDKQT7vXNA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=8

The Spirit of Jazz:

“The Cool is dead, baby, go on to sleep, Rest your weary head and love a better me, And in the morning we'll start over again,That's how they do it up on the screen” “Was I good to you, the wife of my youth? Not another soul could love you like my rotten bones do, So I will wait on the edges in between, These New York streets where you and I would meet” “For twenty-nine years we loved that line, And I would take it easy if I had your mind, But I'm a cannonball to a house on fire, And you're slow like Motown soul” “So what now, lover with your long black hair?, If I cut you open, baby, I can repair, Bandage your wounds with the salt on my tongue, And I'm the only one around here”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9KOUAmZ12w&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=9

Wherefore Art Thou Elvis?(Tell me that this isn’t the Sam Winchester song, I dare you):

“I cut my teeth on the stone of a teenage romance, I was the salt of the earth, I was hard, The last of the independents” “And in the breath from my chest I was blowing kerosene, My lips and fingertips were stone, I wore my heart on my jeans, I sang the blues like the dogs left too long in the street, I still sing the blues with the dogs” “And I got half a mind to let it all burn up in this fire, I've had burning through my veins since I first learned to cry, I'd watch this whole night come down and never miss her again,I never felt right and never fit in walkin' in my own skin” “Now I got scars like the number of stars, My mind's full of vipers, I got the dust of the desert in my bones, Comin' through the amplifiers, And in the minor chord fall and the fourth and the fifth, It's a broken Hallelujah and a pain in my fist, I wash my hands like the man with the blood on his teeth, Over and over without relief” “Walkin' in my old man shoes, with my scientist heart, I got a fever and a beaker and a shot in the dark, I need a Cadillac ride, I need a soft summer night, Say a prayer for my soul, Señorita”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPdCP5f_gmk

High Lonesome:

“And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand, I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis, And in my head there's all these classic cars and outlaw cowboy bands, I always kinda sorta wished I was someone else” “There was "Southern Accents" on the radio as I drove home, And at night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet, It's a pretty good song, baby you know the rest Baby, you know the rest”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UErXgvNV3lw

’59 Sound:

“Well I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go, I hope it's something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow, When we float out into the ether into the everlasting arms, I hope we don't hear Marley's chains we forged in life, 'Cause the chains I've been hearin' now for most of my life” “Did you hear the '59 sound, Coming through on Grandmama's radio? Did you hear the rattlin' chains, In the hospital walls? Did you hear the old gospel choir When they came to carry you over?Did you hear your favorite song, One last time?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw3w1iKiq8M

Mulholland Drive:

“Did you sleep last night and do you remember dreams? Do I ever cross your mind and do you ever think of me? When you think about your life are there things you would reverse? I still remember holding you, just out of sight of her, In the deep, dark parking lot pressed up against my car, With your hands around my neck I felt the pounding of your heart, And the summer night was giving in to the lure of Autumn’s sway, I can’t seem to forget that night or how I heard you say, ohh and I’d just die if you ever took your love away”

“And I can still recall the hour when you first let down your walls, I thought I might've died right there floating up above it all, But it scared you love, to need someone, so you killed it all instead”

“And did you miss me when I'm gone? And the simple things we used to rely on? Who came to wipe your tears away? Who came to bring back your dignity baby? And who came to drive you around this town, Like I used to drive you all around with the radio on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR4-F-P-Y6Q

Film Noir:

“I'm all washed out by the side of the road, Broken bones Matilda left a note and a rose, Sayin', "Baby honey child, I've loved you so long, But you deserve much better than me."” “So I'm just burnin' all around all the miles in the road, And I'm never goin' back and I'm never goin' home, I've been gone too long, I've been less right than wrong, I lost so much blood in the fallin' out” “And I lit a fire that wouldn't go out, Until it consumed the walls and roof of this house, Until all I remember was burnin' away, And all I remember, you burned it away” “See, for ten long years I've been hustlin' around, Tryin' to wash the sins and the sweat from my brow, Just tryin' to find a better life for me and my own, Just some rest for these tired workin' fingers” “But nobody never gonna tell you the way, You gotta figure it out boys and suffer the rain, And the fools in the night and the heat of the day, When all you ever really wanted was for someone to understand”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KS9Cz1HgVs

She Loves You(this just gives me lowkey Destiel vibes):

“And if all was well, And your heart could find the words, Would we be for better baby, Would we be for worse, And if there was a way, To navigate your seas, If tonight my true love (Dared belong to me)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHYY-_3Ft84

Boomboxes and Dictionaries:

“I took a drive today, I thought about you, I thought about a friend who passed And how much we just went through” “I saw the sun shine off the hood of a Cadillac, I thought about some things I said, And some I would take back, I thought about how fortunate I feel to be alive” “And if you're scared of the future tonight, We'll just take it each hour one at a time, It's a pretty good night for a drive, So dry up those eyes, dry up those eyes” “Because the radio will still play loud, Songs that we heard as our guards came down, Like in the summertime when we first met, I'll never forget, and don't you forget, These nights are still ours” “We should remember to slow down more often, And maybe we will, Now here's a lot of good things coming our way right now, A lot of bad has passed, But we survived the breakdowns, All is forgiven, water under bridges now”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9zYLE6Em7U

Drive:

“In my head I am already gone, Side roads boarded up, decisions decided on, But in my nights there are restless hours, When 3 AM comes down and nothing else comes up “And the only thing we know, Is it's getting dark and we'd better go, And the only thing we see, Are the despairs of the day, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I'm all right to drive” “And in my heart I'm the weary kind, I'm much tired to cry, Though it's sad enough for tears, It's been try, fail, try for years, And when the next year comes along, I don't know if I'll be home, I don't know if we'll survive”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClWHlXWSG9M

Biloxi Parrish(This is totally a Cas song):

“I've been fumbling with your heart strings, And that's good enough for me, And if I've rained on one of your hours, Then I know I must been working,Try it on for size my darling, See what a man you can make of me, I will eventually haunt you, And you'll eventually be my queen” “And I'll be with you through,The dark so that you do not, Go through the dark alone, Or on your own” “I've been down Biloxi Parish, And that's all the same for me, I found that nothing truly matters That you cannot find for free, I love you more than can I tell you, When you pass through from this world, I hope you ask to take me with you, Or that I won't have to wait too long, But until then I'll be with you through the dark, Yes, until then I'll be with you through the dark” “And who else can say that about you, baby, Who else can say that about you, now, And who else can take all your blood and your curses, Nobody I seen you hanging around" “And all of our heroes were failures or ghosts, Burned out in brilliant explosions alone, And all of the blood and the sweat that they gave, Well, we took it all and we threw it away”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2RSKSYIXKY

Here Comes My Man:

“And how much time do you think that we have? If I wanted to, I could start over again, Let the good night decide who she wants me to find, And I'll never let you drop another tear in my eye, Singing oh sha-la-la, oh sha-la-la, Listen honey here comes my man”

“So I packed up my things and I faced up my doubts, You know I think I will grow my hair back out, Nevermind what you think, Nevermind what you like, I'll take it out to the streets for somebody else to admire”

“Maybe time will tell you, Why I got so much hell to sell you, Please, please understand me, Oh you can't just dance around me, Maybe your work will love you, When I'm just not there to hold you, Maybe your pride can be your companion, Oh but I just won't be there to stand for it, Not one more minute will I stand for it”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBkfHv6kc5o

Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts:

“We are the boys from Little Eden, We are the heart of Saturday night, We drink from the fountains off the fireworks, Sweat and bone for a better life”

“Still we sing with our heroes, 33 rounds per minute, We're never going home until the sun says we're finished, I'll love you forever if I ever love at all, Wild hearts, blue jeans, & white t-shirts” “Some things baby never told you, Some things papa done ain't right, Spent a lifetime just to get over, You always said my mama tried”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3sQsWuDHrw

#SPN #supernatural #song lyrics #The Gaslight Anthem #gaslight anthem #these are perfect #have I gone overboard? #possibly #winchesters #dean winchester #sam winchester #destiel #castiel #@occamshipper #i know you make vids #save

[putschki1969]

H-el-ical// Music Explanation

Notes: These short comments from the pamphlet provide a lovely insight so I thought I would translate them for you. Please enjoy!

pulsation

Hikaru comment 

The song conveys a strong sense of sprinting forward and since I knew that it would be my first song, I wanted to make it feel like a powerful beginning. At first I was really worried because I had no idea what I was doing but then I realised that if I kept worrying I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything good. That’s why I focused on my feelings at that time and the way I had been dealing with music so far. I just put all of that into words. For me as Hikaru// this song is about finding the strength to get up again when you are down, how to move on when you are depressed. It’s not something that simply passes by, from my experience so far it’s a conscious decision, “all right! I will try again and persevere!” It’s that kind of feeling I wanted to put in my lyrics. “Let’s live in a way that makes it possible to come to terms with the meaning of life!” That was going through my mind while writing the lyrics, I felt very much alive during that time. Perhaps I have already conveyed these feelings little by little to all my fans who have continuously supported me but when I actually put them into words I think it became a very strong message.

Gushimiyagi comment 

Of course I had known of Hikaru//-san's previous activities for many years so initially I felt a bit lost when trying to write a song which would suit Hikaru//-san's vocals. I wanted to do my best, after all I had to create a song that would perfectly fit the image of Hikaru//-san. I think I was quite reckless when I made it. The first time we met, I brought a short demo tape with me and told her, "this is more or less the direction I wanna take and we will expand it from there...” The song gradually took shape. It was supposed to have an image of “presenting/announcing H-el-ical// for the very first time”, so I was very adamant about having a lively chorus and a sense of moving fast. I tried to make it sound catchy and impressive. Back then Hikaru-san didn’t really tell me what she thought of the song so I would really like to ask her now *laughs*.

Avaricia

Hikaru comment 

Transitioning from “pulsation” to “Avaricia” I really wanted to have something different. I didn’t want to stick to just one genre, I wanted to sing songs with many different elements so when I first heard the song I immediately thought, “ohh, I like this!”  In the case of "pulsation", I think it is a rather straight-foward song since I am expressing my life experiences and thoughts but when it comes to this song, it is very vague, indirect and between the lines, it can have various meanings depending on the listener. "Is it meant this way or that way? This kind of interpretation doesn’t apply to me but it might apply to someone else." So depending on the audience, the song can come across as very sexy or you can interpret it as having a strong message. I also used this song to play a little with words. When I started writing the lyrics I wrote the following line for the first verse, “ひと時だけのアイズ/hito toki dake no aizu”. アイズ written in katakana was supposed to have a double meaning, it could have been understood as “eyes�� or “cue/signal”. But since we also had English translations for all H-el-ical// songs I eventually settled on “eyes” to make the translation less confusing.

Gushimiyagi comment 

I made this song at the same time as the first song but since that one had a rather normal beat and a sense of sprinting I wanted a big change for the next song. I composed this with a quintuple/triple measure. Its tricky acoustic sound makes it sorta feel like jazz but I guess it ended up being more along the lines of folktronica. The song has both a digital as well as an analog feel to it. I pretty much created this song to be the exact opposite of “pulsation”. When I gave the song to Hikaru//-san I feared it would be hard to find lyrics that suited the beat but to my surprise she really enjoyed playing with the words. Her lyrics combined with the melody really add to the atmosphere, they left a lasting impression on me.

Splendore

Hikaru comment 

The first thing that came to mind when I listend to the song was “fantasy”. That’s why I added some fantasy elements to my lyrics. For a period of time, I was working part-time at a nursery school for some social studying. The children I worked with were honestly a ray of sunshine, they were shining so brightly and they all lived in the here and now. When we grow up we always worry and think ahead, our dreams and hopes become goals that start to feel real. So for a moment, let’s not do that, let’s just live life and enjoy ourselves in the present! I wrote the lyrics with this sort of fantasy element in mind, “I want to fearlessly grab the sparkles in front of me and hold onto them forever.” That’s the image I wanted to convey. Also, this song was written during an extensive back and forth between Gushimiyagi-san and myself.

Gushimiyagi comment 

When I started on this, I simply wanted to try composing a song with a four-on-the-floor rhythm but apparently I am not the kind of person that can write bright and lively music like that so instead of sounding like an exciting piece of electronic dance music the song turned out to have a rather quiet and  calm passion *laughs*. I was imagining a night and the starry sky. It's dark  but there is some sparkling, like seeing Peter Pan flying across the sky. When I read Hikaru//-san’s finished lyrics it all made sense to me, the way she created a sort of fantasy. The song does express all of that so she really managed to put everything perfectly into words with her lyrics.

Amanhecer

Hikaru comment

When I first received the demo tape for this song, I couldn’t help but think of “water” or the “waterside”. It has a slightly gloomy vibe. It left a strong impression on me so I wanted to write lyrics that did proper justice to the melody, I wanted listeners to get a real feeling for the sceneries and sensations of it. The song is pretty quiet but I felt like adding a certain youthful charm. Not a mature one nor a child-like one, I thought a lot about it but an adult view wouldn’t have fit the song so I settled for a feeling that’s slightly adolescent *laughs*. I created a bittersweet love story. In this kind of song the vocals stand out a lot so I sang it with a breathy voice and only let my voice become louder and stronger when I wanted to emphasise a certain word or line. I had to adjust a lot while recording the song.

Gushimiyagi comment 

Here I wanted to create a song that started with vocals. The first thing you hear is a breath, I wanted everyone to be able to enter Hikaru//-san's world from the very first second. I wanted people to immediately be smitten by Hikaru//-san’s voice. Just like "Splendore" this was originally meant to have a “night” theme but I eventually changed it to a dawn-like atmosphere. The acoustic guitar and drums feel a lot more understated compared to the previous three songs. The rhythm is very simple and clear. Usually during the recording you do a lot of takes in order to pick the best one but each and every one of Hikaru//-san’s takes was amazing, just the expression was slightly different. Each take had top-notch quality, it was refreshing but also difficult to choose one.

yolcu

Hikaru comment 

When it was time to make this song we were just starting to think about doing a live. So I asked for a track that would pump up the crowd during a live performance. This song has an exotic feeling so I wrote the lyrics while thinking of the Middle East. There is a bit of mystery, it feels like you are running through the streets of Aladdin’s town, making it past the crowds and eventually arriving at a plaza with a big fountain. I had these sceneries in mind so I put them into words. It was a lot of fun to write this song. However ... while it was fun to write lyrics for this sort of tempo, it is incredibly hard to remember my lines *laughs*.

Gushimiyagi comment 

The theme of the song was to create an exotic vibe. “What ideas should I apply to make it sound exotic?” This is what I kept asking myself when I wrote the song. I ended up with EDM which in this case stands for exotic dance music *laughs*. By the way, I made this with a lot of vigor so the tuning was quite special, while writing I had no idea what chords I was using *laughs*. The title of this song is Turkish, I think the title should always be chosen by the person who is writing the lyrics. All H-el-ical// song titles, including the title "yolcu", were chosen by Hikaru//-san.

Existence

Hikaru comment

The line "do you remember~" is repeated multiple times on purpose. When you keep saying the same words over and over again, they aren’t easily forgotten, instead they get imprinted in your memory. By repeating lines, I wanted to create impactful lyrics. Also, this was the first time I wrote proper English lyrics. When you have a song where the same melody gets repeated you need something that draws attention. I guess I could have written something in Japanese but I wanted the song to have a different feel. It's not uncommon for Western music to have repeated lyrics. So I wanted to try something like that for this song. The H-el-ical// project is produced by Japanese people of course but I want everyone overseas to listen to my music as well. I want to create music that can be loved and accepted by all kinds of people. I would be very much interested in continuing to take on such challenges.

Gushimiyagi comment

This is a nice guitar rock piece. I wanted to create something that would sound like a Foo Fighters song. When I sent the first demo to Hikaru//-san, I added a short note saying that this was like an American rock song.  Hikaru//-san wrote a big portion of the song in English and the title is also in English.

Fili

Hikaru comment 

I wanted to add an element that I had never used before, I wanted it to have a Northern European vibe with a somewhat grassy feeling. However, when I first expressed that wish to Gushimiyagi-san, he looked at me quite puzzled, “what do you mean exactly?” I tried to answer him as best as possible *laughs* “I guess something with an earthy atmosphere. Something that makes me think of grass-covered plains...”  When I got the song I thought a lot about it, I kept replaying it in my mind and came up with a few lyrics so I could try singing it. I started wondering whether it really had an earthy atmosphere. Eventually I realised that this song is not so much about the earth itself, it is about history. The history of each individual but also the course of history regarding our entire earth. "I'm alive right now because of the eternal flow of time." It’s this kind of image I had in mind when I wrote the lyrics. By the way, the title of this song means "poet" in Gaelic.

Gushimiyagi comment

This song sounds a bit Celtic doesn’t it? Hikaru//-san experienced many different world views as part of Kalafina, there were quite a lot of exotic and oriental elements in their music. For the H-el-ical// project I did my own interpretation of that by trying to find the best way to convey this image as a solo artist. It is quite celtic but not too ballad-y. I am once again using a triple measure and even though it technically qualifies as a ballad, the drums, percussion and timps are heavily accentuated. Hikaru//-san’s previous activities very much align with my own vision and world-views. It’s not about holding on tight to that old image but there is certainly no need to throw it away completely. I'm sure fans will treasure it as something that has become part of Hikaru//’s image.

Tsumugu

Hikaru comment 

The title for my concert is also "Weaving/Spinning ~TSUMUGU~" so I decided I wanted to create a song that I could sing at the end of the live. That's the reason why we tried to make a very simple song. All the thoughts and feelings I experience when I get to meet the fans, when I get to communicate with them... Having that in mind I wrote the lyrics. This interview is being done before my concert so I haven’t had the chance to be on stage as H-el-ical// yet but when I wrote the lyrics I tried to imagine what the live performance would be like. I also wanted to remove any sort of extra filter when I wrote them. Typically when you are talking with someone, you want to look your best, maybe even show off a little but in this case I didn’t want to think or worry about any of that. I really expose all of myself in these lyrics so the song is quite embarrassing for me *laughs*.

Gushimiyagi comment

This was always intended to be the final song of the live so I made it with that in mind. “What would be a suitable climax for the concert?” I kept asking myself this question while composing the song. I consulted with Hikaru//-san so she could share her personal opinions and views regarding the previous seven songs as well as the upcoming live. When I made the song I thought, “yes, I think this track will be appropriate for the occasion”. It was quite easy to write it since I had a clear vision.

#kalafina #hikaru #helical #hikaru// #helical// #h-el-ical// #my translations #my translation #long text post

[jokertrap-ran]

A3! (Act! Addict! Actors!)  EVENT! Re:FebMAGIC (Episode 4):

*Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Name will remain as my normal ( ラン )

Episode 1/ Episode 2/ Episode 3 /Episode 4/Episode 5 / Episode 6/ Episode 7/ Episode 8/ Episode 9/ Episode 10/ Epilogue A3! Master-list

Itaru: Ah, see that line there? That seems to be that store’s.

Homare: Come to think of it, I saw the line when we came here too.

Chikage: Judging from the store’s outer appearance, it seems to be rather attractive for the youths.

Ran: ...Huh? I feel like I’ve seen that staff over there before…?

Kazunari: What? Where? ...Huh, wait a minute! I’ve seen that guy before too!

Kazunari: Where did I see him again? Let’s see, I’m pretty sure that it was...Oh, yes! Back at the beach house!

Karasuma: You remembered me!

Itaru: Whoa, since when did you come here?

Kazunari: Ohh~! Long time no see! Tsubame-chan from KiraKira Boys!

Karasuma: Who's Tsubame!? I'm Karasuma from the Theatrical company KiraKira☆BOYS!

Sakyo: The KiraKira☆BOYS...They once did an etude battle with our members once if I remember correctly.

Ran: Yeah. I saw him back when he was acting a part about a mystery in a luxury ship.

Tsumugi: I think I've heard Homare-san speaking about it before.

Karasuma: Hm, I was just scouting out the area and observing all of you while you were slated as waiters for the Actors’ Cafe.

Karasuma: Well, I don't think you can beat us anyway so good luck! There's nothing that can surpass our kabedons!

Hisoka: ...There he goes.

Sakyo: What nerve he has to be mocking the business of others!

Ran: C-Calm down, Sakyo-san!

Ran: Alright then, let's decide on what bespectacled roles we'll all be playing today.

Sakyo: I trust that you've brought the papers?

Itaru: Of course, here are the suggestions I've decided on account of the people we have here.

Tsumugi: A Do-S mad scientist, A president...

Hisoka: A forgetful person, An ambitious person, a bespectacled otaku with two personalities.

Homare: I see, there's quite a variety to choose from.

Chikage: So, how are we deciding on the roles?

Itaru: How about doing etudes to see which character role suits you best?

Chikage: We're going out of the way to pull of an etude just to choose which roles we're taking?

Ran: Now, now, isn't that alright if we do that once in a while?

Sakyo: You don't normally say things with such finality but I guess you're just really riled up this time, huh.

Itaru: Then let's start as soon as possible.

Homare: “Make the artwork display more formalism! Show me your soul's passion!”

Itaru: That's somewhat fitting for the role of being ambitious but that's also not quite what I imagined...

Hisoka: “Hehe...I've finally gotten my hands on it! The cornstarch of gold! And now, all the materials have been gathered…”

Hisoka: “Combined with this special syrup that I've been researching on for years, I can make a special meringue with all the materials I have gathered!”

Hisoka: “This is the marshmallow of illusions that I've only seen in my dreams until now! Wahaha!!

Itaru: No, I’m sure that's not a mad scientist but a patisserie instead. Next!

Tsumugi: “Right, my glasses! Where are my glasses…? Huh, that's funny...They were right here just a moment ago.”

Tsumugi: Huh? Feel around my head, you say? Oh! It was resting atop my head!

Itaru: That's not a bad act for a forgetful person but that's just your usual self, Tsumugi. Next.

Tsumugi: Ehh?

Ran: We've tried out many different things, but…

Itaru: This is bad. There's no one here who's capable of holding up the role of an bespectacled otaku…

Homare: You mean, no one has shown any signs of compatibility with that role despite the countless etudes we've done?

Itaru: Yeah, that's what I mean…

Chikage: Maybe that's because you're way too strict on the selections, Chigasaki.

Itaru: I didn't mean for it to be that way though.

Sakyo: Really, if you have so much to say about it then how about you do it instead?

Itaru: Well...You have a point there. Guess I'll be settling for the bespectacled otaku then.

Kazunari: Yes, yes! Then, let me have the president role!

Itaru: Permission granted. You're normally very charismatic and I do agree that there'll be gap moe when it's paired up with your intelligence.

Kazunari: Yippie~!

Chikage: Do we really need Chigasaki's permission for everything?

Sakyo: Seems like it'll take up a lot of time if we're going to be going through everyone.

Ran: If we're just going for something that's different from your normal image, then...How about Tsumugi-san taking the role of the ambitious person?

Hisoka: Sounds like it'll be a real ride if Tsumugi takes that role.

Kazunari: And if we're going for something special, then Ari-rin comes to mind. So, in other words, why don't Ari-rin take the role of the forgetful person?

Homare: Oh, me?

Itaru: That's fine by me. Then, about the other fitting etudes...

Kazunari: Well then! I'll be the president, Itarun will be the bespectacled otaku and Hiso-Hiso will be the person with split personalities~

Itaru: And so Tsumugi will be the ambitious person and Homare-san will be the forgetful person. It's decided then.

Ran: If that's settled then...Only the roles of the Do-S and the mad scientist are open for Sakyo-san and Chikage-san.

Hisoka: ...Who's to take which?

Homare: Either roles seem like they'd suit the both if you.

Kazunari: You're right~!

Tsumugi: Do the both of you have any preferences?

Chikage: I'm fine with either.

Itaru: ...You're smiling as you say this but your face's telling me to hurry and finish this up ASAP.

Sakyo: ...And who's fault do you think that is?

Kazunari: Itarun did get stuck on the role assignments quite a bit~

Itaru: Hmm, alright then. Based on my dogmatism and prejudice, senpai will play the Do-S role.

Itaru: He won't be any different from usual when playing that role but I'm sure the customers will see a difference because he's always acting really kind and gentle towards them.

Homare: So, Sakyo-san will be the mad scientist?

Itaru: That's right, I believe that he can hold his own stand when acting as a crazed character since he's always so put together.

Sakyo: Finally decided, huh.

Ran: Let's all work hard towards Actors’ Cafe now that we've all decided on our roles in advance!

#A3! #Act! Addict! Actors! #A-Three #Otome #Translations #エースリー #Sakuma Sakuya #sumeragi tenma #Tsukioka Tsumugi #settsu banri #Citron #minagi tsuzuru #usui masumi #izumida azami #miyoshi kazunari #arisugawa homare #chigasaki itaru #fushimi omi #Sakisaka Muku #hyodo kumon #hyodo juza #nanao taichi #yukishiro azuma #ikaruga misumi #Guy #matsukawa isuke #furuichi sakyo #utsuki chikage #Takato Tasuku #rurikawa yuki

[conways]

Humberfloob Real Estate. How can we make your dreams come true? What do you mean, you're leaving? You're a babysitter. Babysitters don't leave. They sit. Baby-leavers leave. I'm sorry. I really gotta go, Miss Walden. Well, I need to come home right away. All right. Thank you, Amy. Sorry. Attention, everyone! It's 9:02. Staff meeting! Staff meeting! Look alive, everyone! First I'd like to welcome aboard... our newest member of the Humberfloob family, Jim McFlinnagan! - Mr. Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you... Fired. I beg your pardon? Fired. B-But l... Fired! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10! As you know, tonight is our bimonthly meet and greet" party. Tonight's host is... Joan Walden. This is where people can meet our real estate agents... in an informal, yet hygienic setting. Mr. Humberfloob, I have to get home to my kids. Ah, yes. Your children. Joan, let me make this perfectly clear. If your house is as messy as last time, you're fired! That's pretty clear, Mr. Humberfloob. Don't worry. I promise. My kids'll be on their best behavior. Great. Humberfloob Real Estate. How can we make your dreams come true? Please hold. If you leave Humberfloob's and turn left onto Main, three miles down you'll find Lipplapper Lane, a pleasant-enough street in a pleasant-enough way... where a neighbor greeted neighbor with a neighborly "Hey!" Hey! Hey! Here the hedges were hedged, the weeds were all weeded, and lawns were mowed daily, twice daily if needed. And at the end of this street, in a house like any other, something magical would happen... to a sister and her brother. Shh! Nevins! Stealth mode. Today's to-do list. Number one: Make to-do list. Number two: Practice coloring. Number three: Research graduate schools. Number four: Be spontaneous. Number five: Create lasting childhood memories. And number six: Amend will. What is he doing? Number 10: Make tomorrow's to-do list. Ladies and gentlemen! Nevins, your attention, please. You are about to witness the third most spectacular stunt... ever performed under this roof! Do you know how hard it's getting to tell people that we're related? Relax. I'll put everything back. And now, for the indoor stair luge! Indoor stair luge? I'll have to add this one to my list. Go have no fun somewhere else. It... is... showtime! Whoa! - Aah! - Yeah! - Oh, my word! Nevins! Nevins, come back! Hey, Mom. What's up? You are so lucky you didn't ruin this dress. Mom, I know you're angry, but there's something you need to know. This was all Sally's fault. Oh, really? And how, exactly, was it Sally's fault? Give me a minute. I'm workin' on it. Save it, Conrad. Why today? Why did you have to pick today to destroy the house? You know what's happening today. I tried to tell him, Mom. "Mom's throwing a very important party," I said. "All other important clients will be here." But he went right ahead and wrecked the house and let Nevins get away. Now, again, I hope you're going to ground him. Yes, Sally, for a week, but that's none of your business. A week? Come on. Two days. I asked you to do one thing today, Conrad... keep the house clean. Do you know how frustrating it is that you're always doing the exact opposite of what I say? Knock, knock, knock. Someone lose a dog? I found him next door... in my yard... again. You are a saint. And here I thought you were only dating me for my good looks. Lucky us. Larry Quinn is here. Hey-a, sport. Call me Lawrence. Okay? You rescued Nevins! Thanks, Lawrence! It was my pleasure, Sally. Anything for my little princess. Oh, I don't wanna be a princess. In a constitutional monarchy parliament has all the real power. I see. Okay, that's great. Uh, look, pal, be a sport. Why don't you go tidy up the living room. Okay...dude? I don't have to listen to you, Larry. Conrad, do what Lawrence says. Have you given some thought about the Wilhelm Academy? You mean the Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth? That's the one, Joan. I'm not sure it's right for Conrad. Oh, Joan, Joan. Joan, Joan, Joan. I have so much respect for you, Joan. Single mother, career woman, raising two children on your own, and still finding time to be the best darned real estate agent in town. I know how hard it is, Joan. It is hard. Oh... I know. And I know how hard you're trying. This is a once-in-a-lifetime proposition, and you must act now. The Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth... is what we call in the sales game a win-win scenario. A top-flight military school, and it's only... eight hours away. Oh, the phone. I heard what you said. I'm not going to military school, Larry. Look, buddy, I know I'm not your dad... and this is probably really strange for you... your neighbor's dating your mom. But here's the thing, son. Come here. I don't like you either. But I'm gonna marry your mom. And if it was up to me, you'd be at military school today. I'm not going to military school. Ohh! I think you're gonna love it. It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches... and soul-crushing discipline. And one more thing... It's Lawrence, you snot-nosed son of a... wonderful woman who I'm absolutely crazy about! Oww! Gosh, I love children! Oh, Joan, I didn't see you there. Would you be a doll and help me bring up chairs from the basement? Nothing would give me more pleasure, Joan, but I do have to run. I have a very important sales conference downtown. Oh. Okay. - Well, I'll see you at the party tonight. - Sure. Mom, that guy's a total phony. You can't let Larry... It's Lawrence, Conrad. Kate's Catering. I'm here to do your party tonight. Oh, hi. Where's Kate? I'm Kate. Oh. Okay. Right this way, Kate. Mom, you've gotta listen to me... Quiet! Two weeks ago you said you would... I "specialed" it. See? Quiet! Nevins! I said quiet! Joan Walden Real Estate. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like Joan. This is Mr. Humberfloob. - Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob. - Joan, I need you to come back to the office. - Today? - Yes, Joan. - No problem? - No problem at all. Great! - What's going on, Mommy? Mommy has to go back to the office. Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwan can baby-sit. - Not Mrs. Kwan! Oh! Hi, Mrs. Kwan. Hi. I'm running late. Thanks for babysitting on such short notice. Mmm, yeah. Okay, Mrs. Kwan. Oh-oh-oh! I'll be back in a couple of hours. Hi. Conrad's grounded, so no video games. Sally? Last chance. If you wanna make cupcakes, I can take you to your friend Ginny's house. - Ginny's not my friend anymore. Last time we made cupcakes she wanted to be the head chef. I'm the head chef. What about Denise, then? She talked back to me, so I ordered her not to speak to me anymore. - And you don't like bossy? - I won't tolerate it. Right. Well, if you're both staying, remember the rules. Conrad: No playing ball in the house, no fighting, no answering the phone, "City morgue." Mommy, can't I have some rules? No chewing tobacco. Thanks, Mom. You have my word. And absolutely no one sets foot in the living room, or else. Or else what? You're gonna do what Larry said and send me to military school? Maybe if you'd just behave, I wouldn't have to consider military school. I wish I could trust you. I wish I had a different mom. Well, sometimes I wish the same thing. Mmm. Good luck with your meeting. Children, would you like to watch television with me? - We don't have to tell your mother. Taiwanese parliament. You tell them, Kwi-Chang! No more big government! Rip his heart out! Hit me! So they slumped in their chairs, too glum to complain, and to make matters worse, it started to rain. They sat in the house... on that cold, cold, wet day... with no fun to have... and no games to play. They could just stare out the window... or perhaps get a nap in, and hope that something, anything might happen. Quit bothering the fish. I know. Quit bothering the fish. Spit hand! Oh, gross! Get that away from me! Get it away! Then something went bump. - What was that? How that bump made them jump. I think it came from the closet. Conrad? Conrad. Come on, Conrad. You shouldn't scare people. You should've seen the look on your face. It was like you saw a monster... A monster? Where? That could've gone better. What was that? I don't know. Looked like a humongous cat. "Humongous"? I prefer the term "big-boned" or jolly." Now, what are we hiding from? That was a giant cat. But that's impossible, isn't it? It's entirely impossible. You know, I like this hiding place a lot better. They'll never find us here. Scream and run. And there they go. Who are you? Who? Me? Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat. There's no doubt about that. I'm a "super-fun-diferous" feline... who's here to make sure that you're... Meeline? Key lime? Turpentine? I got nothin'. I'm not so good with the rhyming. Not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk. That should be enough for you people! I can talk! I'm a cat! Yes! Where did you come from? Hmm, how do I put this? When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that... Oh, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from? My place! Where do you think? No, how did you get here? I drove! Look, I've been here two whole minutes, and no one has offered me a drink. Harrumph! - Sorry, Mr. Cat. Would you like some milk? - Milk? Ecch! No! Lactose intolerant. Gums up the works. Oy. You'll thank me later. Wipeout! - Hello! @@Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yee-hee-hee! Nice spread you got here. Homina-homina-homina-homina! Who is this? Ohh! That's my mom. Awkward, yeah. Yes, this place will do quite nicely, actually. Yeah. Although those drapes are a train wreck. And this is the lumpiest couch I ever sat on. Who is this dreadfully uncomfortable woman? Get off her. That's our babysitter. What the... Babysitter? You don't need one of those, do ya? Let me get this straight. You pay this woman... to sit on babies? That's disgusting! I'd do it for nothing! Hmm! Now, let's see what the old "phunometer" has to say. - "Phunometer"? - Yeah. It measures how fun you are. Hi. Huh? Ohh. Ah. Control freak. Yeah. Now you. Hi. How are ya? - Whoa! Oh. Tap it. Listen, kid, you can tap it with a hammer, it ain't gonna change. Just as I suspected. You guys are both out of whack. You're a control freak, and you're a rule-breaker. That'll be $700. Who's your insurance carrier? - So, what do we do? - Well, there are two treatments I'd recommend. One is a series of painful shots injected into your abdomen and kneecap. And the other... involves a musical number! @ Me-Me-Me-Meow @ How many shots? "How many shots?" Aren't you precious? Maestro! @ I know it is wet @ @ And the sun is not sunny @ @ But we can have lots of good fun that is funny @ @ It's fun to have fun @ @ But you got to know how @ Hair ball. @ I know lots of good tricks and I'll... @ Stop this right now! Huh? - Who said that? - Me! Remember? The fish? Came home in a Baggie, loved me for two weeks, and then nothing! - The fish is talking! - Well, sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really. No. Hey, Socks, can it! This cat should not be here. He should not be about. He should not be here when your mother is out. Come on, kids! You gonna listen to him? He drinks where he pees! @There was this cat I knew back home where I was bred @ @ He never listened to a single thing his mother said @ @He never used the litter box He made a mess in the hall @ @That's why they sent him to a vet @ @To cut off both his ba... @ ba... ba... @ Boy, that wasn't fun, fun, fun @ @ He never learns You can have fun, fun, fun @ But less is more! @They may ship you off to school so rein it in a little @ @ We can't spell "fun" without "U" in the middle @ Human, this cat is currently in violation of... 17 of your mother's rules! City morgue! - Eighteen! - Ol! Ooh! @ You can juggle work and play but you have to know the way @ @ You can keep afloat a wish like the way I do this fish @ @ You can be a happy fella Someone throw me that umbrella @ @ And that rake, that cake Life's what you make it @ @ So have fun, fun, fun @ @ Go insane and have some fun, fun, fun @ @Just look at me Fun, fun, fun @ @ No more rain Look, it's the sun, sun, sun @ @ So can't you see I'm as happy as a clam I'm as fit as a fiddle @ @ Yeah, the dogs may bark about you @ @ And the purebred chaps may doubt you @ Getting motion sickness! Milk? Big mistake. @ But remember this You can't have fun without "U" @ I can't breathe! Ohh! Whoa! I knew that milk would come back to haunt me. Help! Help! @"U" in the middle @@ - Bravo, Cat. - Huh? These children are smart enough not to fall for your MTV-style flash... at the expense of content and moral values. That was wicked cool! Do it again! I'd love to, but Shamu is right... I really should be going. - No, don't go! - No, I should go. I should let you and the fish have all your fun conjugating verbs, cleaning your room, doing long division. No, you have to stay! All right, I'll stay. Oh, yeah! Yeah! But if I'm gonna stay, there's something I wanna show you. Something magical... and full of wonder. - It's called a contract. - You want us to sign this? - Just a formality, really. Yeah. - Who are they? Magical time-traveling elves. Yeah. Magic. Okay, they're my lawyers. Liability issues, litigious society, frivolous lawsuits. You understand. Basically, this contract guarantees you can have all the fun you want... and nothing beds ever gonna happen. - All the fun we want? - Uh-yeah! - Nothing bad will happen? - Uh-no! Come on, Sal, for once in your life try something spontaneous. It goes against my better instincts, but... fine. Beautiful. Initial here. And here. And here. Not here! Turn it over. This is nothing. Scratch this. Smell that! Terrific. Yadee-yadee-yadee. Sign the bottom. You're it! Okay, gimme five! Four. Let's get this party started! Uh-huh! Hey, check out this room! What now? Mom says we're not allowed in the living room today, or else. She's worried we'll mess up the couches by jumpin' on 'em or somethin' And she's right. You can't jump on these. Not like this. They need some adjustment. Yee-haw! Let's take a look under the hood. Yeah. Just doin' my job. Sorry. What have we got here? Whew. Here we go. It's oversized. That's unusual. Here it is. Down, Simba! Down, Simba! Get outta here! Spray me, would ya? You... - Thanks for the help. Back in a second. Who's your couch mechanic? You oughta call Mr. Catwrench. Oww! My fur! My fur! My fur! That oughta do it. Whoo! Come on, kids. I could use a little company. What about Mom's party? What about it? We signed the contract. Wha-hoo! Yeah! One cushion left, Sally. She'll never do it. She doesn't know how to have fun. Fun? Sally, you're better than fun. Fun is beneath you. Remember what your mother told you... No one sets foot in the living room... You know what? Let's just watch some flashbacks. Absolutely no one sets foot in the living room, or else. You're fired... fired... fired... fired... fired... fired... Fired... fired... fired... fired... And that's why... Oww! This is where they buried my brother! Yeah! Yippee! Oh, yeah! This is amazing! Like being in the circus! Yeah, but without those tortured animals... or drunken clowns that have hepatitis. See, kids, I told you we could have fun! The best thing is, no one will ever... know. Judas Priest! I can't believe what I'm seeing! Oh, Mr. Quinn, I was just telling Conrad to get off the couch. Bad, Conrad! Bad! Sally, baby, angel, princess, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, okay? Nobody likes a suck-up! Where's the cat? I don't know. Ohh! Good bread. What are you two lookin' at? Is there a cat in here? I'm gonna... You're gonna... I have to... Get out of here. See, kids, I told you. Stick with me, it'll all work out. Oh, no! Ohh! Little-known fact... cats always land on their tushy. - I thought they always landed on their feet. - Oh, sure, now you tell me. Harrumph! - So, kiddo, what do you want to do for fun? - I wanna make cupcakes! Cupcakes? Oh, yeah! To the kitchen! Live from the kitchen, the following is a paid commercial announcement for Astounding Products. Hi! Welcome to Astounding Products. I'm your host, the guy in the sweater who asks all the obvious questions. Now, here to tell us about his astounding product for making cupcakes, all the way from Cheshire, England, please welcome... Me! Hello! Now... Hello! I'm so excited! Do you love making cupcakes, but hate all the hard cupcake work? I know I do! Well, forget everything you know about making cupcakes... and say hello... to the amazing Kupkake-inator. - I'm so excited! Cupcake-a-what? Kupkake-inator! Oh, this amazing device can instantly make cupcakes... out of anything that you have in the kitchen. - Wait a minute. Did you say anything"? - Anything. Anything? Yes, anything. Anything? Anything. - Anything? - I'll get you, and it'll look like a bloody accident. - Anything. Now, take off the lid. You can put in, I don't know, a carton of eggs. What? How about a pack of hot dogs? That's incredible! Why not some ketchup? Yeah, why not? How about... I know what you're thinkin'. Even a fire extinguisher. There we go. Hmm? Now, close the lid and Bob's your flippin' uncle! What an astounding product! Oh, yeah! Open the drawer, Fill the patented Kupkake-inator tray, - Close the drawer, Then place it in a conventional oven. Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away. Did you just say "minutes away"? That's impossible! You're not just wrong, you're stupid. Now, wait just a minute... And you're ugly, just like your mum. Did you just call my mother ugly? Shut up! I mean it! I will end you! Um, Cat. Your tail. What about it? Oh, I see! I've chopped it off. That's interesting, because... Son of a bi... Look, I'm not saying we're going to sue. I'm just saying we have a case. We'll talk later. Ixnay, ixnay. Hi. Cat, is the oven supposed to be making that sound? Huh? Of course. That means they're almost done, Conrack. - Conrad. - That's what I said, Condor. - Cat! - Now, that's my name! Yep! They're done! Oh, man! There's nothing to worry about. I'm sure they still taste fine. Yecch! They're horrible! Who wants some? Come on, come on! Oh... my... cod. Ohh! Aah! Cat, you need to clean this mess up pronto. We have a contract. All right, I'll try. You don't try. You do. Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am. I'll be right back. Whoa! Hi. How are ya? Okay. Look. I'm a girl. Stop! That's... Mom's dress! This filthy thing? She was gonna wear that tonight, and you ruined it. Honey, it was ruined when she bought it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I told you all this would happen! - But no one listens to a fish! - Oy. A dog goes "woof-woof" and everybody knows that little Timmy's trapped under a log. But a fish speaks in plain English... All right, everyone, let's just take a deep breath and calm down. You know who's gonna solve it? Me. I am. I will personally take care of everything. And I know just the guys to do it. In this box are two Things. I will show them to you. Two Things, and I call them Thing One and Thing Two. These Things will not bite you. They want to have fun. So without further ado, meet Thing Two and Thing One! @Ta-da @ Oh, yeah! Thing One, Conrad, Sally. Conrad, Sally, Thing One. Thing Two, Conrad, Sally. Conrad, Sally, Thing Two. Thing One, Thing Two. Thing Two, Thing One. Conrad, Sally. Sally, Conrad. I am the Cat. Don't belittle me. Ah, yes, of course. Thing Two would like to clarify that just because he wears the number two... does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing One. And all of the above. He says you may feel free to call him Thing "A," if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-Da... or Ben. Ben! Thing One says he's Thing One for a reason, and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing. You wouldn't understand. Okay, enough! You are quickly turning into one of my least favorite Things. Listen, Convex, you probably don't wanna do that. Why not? It's just a crate. This isn't just any old crate. It's the Trans-dimensional Transportolator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world. But it says, "Made in the Philippines." Yes, but not this Philippines. Look, now, I'm not usually a rules guy, but this is a biggie. No opening the crate. No lookee, no touchee. Got it? Mekka-dekka we should settle our differences. Things, front and center! Cool. All right, Things, I'm not paying you to stand around and look pretty. Here's Mom's dress. Oh! Mommy's dress! - What about the couch? - Which couch? The clean one, or the horribly stained one? Ho! Mekka-dekka don't worry! Incoming! Cat, they're wrecking the whole house! - Conrad, help! - Help yourself! Look at me! Come and get it! Whoa! Ooh, yeah! Whoa! That tickles! Geronimo! Mine, mine, mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! Ride 'em, cowboy! Yee-hee-hee! Ho-ho-ho! Whee! If this were my house, I'd be furious. Hey! Klondike! Do you have any idea what happened to the lock on this crate? - It's on Nevins's collar. - Nevins? Nevins? Nevins! Put the dog down! I said, put the dog down! Why won't they listen to me? Oh. I don't know if this helps, but the Things always do the opposite of what you say. Why do they always do the opposite? That's so annoying! Remind you of anyone, Conrad? Zinga! Zinga! Zinga! Blue! 41! Set! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hey, Thing, don't let go of that dog! Let go! Catch him... I mean, don't catch him! Well, this is just great, Conrad. The whole house is destroyed, the party is ruined, and now Nevins is gone. Sally, Kojak, that's nothing compared to what's gonna happen if we don't lock this crate. Take a look. It's already leaking. - It won't stay shut. - Not without the lock. Look, if we don't get that lock off of Nevins and put it back on this crate, we're gonna be staring down the business end of the mother of all messes. We've gotta go out and find Nevins. Impossible! Sally! There's only four hours till the party. The Fish is right. We should call Mom and tell her what happened. Look at this house! There's no way we could explain this to Mom. We gotta get Nevins back and lock the crate! We're staying and calling Mom. We're going and getting the dog. There is a third option. There is? Yes. It involves... murder! - That's your option? - No. But you guys both had options. I just wanted to have one too. Or did I? - Cat, you're not helping! - Come on. Let's go get that dog. Now, we just need a heavy, inanimate object to weigh down this crate. There. That oughta buy us some time. Come on, kids! Let's go, go, go! Identical sister Mitzy... That's right. - Yeah! What do you want now? Repo. You're repossessing my TV? I'm sure I made a payment. If it's about that bounced check, let me give you a credit card. That one's expired. Huh? Oh, come on! With the lock on his collar, Nevins kept running, unaware of his part... in the evil Quinn's cunning. Joan Walden Real Estate. Be it ever so humble, there's no... Oh, hi, Joan. The kids let the dog out again. You're kidding. Don't worry. I'll go get him, then we'll have a conversation vis-a-vis military school. I don't know. Conrad's like you, Lawrence. He's very... sensitive. Uh-huh. But I suppose it's something I should consider. I'll get the dog. I'll be right over. Okay, there's Nevins. Stay out of sight. I thought the moment needed something. Oh, what will become of us? Your mother will lose her job, and we'll have to... live on the street! I can't! Don't make me go... I don't know this world! It's dry! It's like... I can't... It's too... Fish! It's too much! Would you like to go back in the toilet? On second thought, it's such a beautiful day. Why spend it indoors? - Thank you! Okay, kids. Get out of my way. This fence is no match for my cat-like grace and reflexes. Here we go. Ow. Okay. Watch me fly, kids. Ow! I don't think the little girl's even trying. What about your cat-like... reflexes? What about showing a little effort, shrimp boat? Now, push! Whaa! All right, Nevins. Time to die. - Cat, you scared him away! Dirty hoe. I'm sorry, baby. I love you. Hmm. Come on, Cat! There he is! Happy birthday, Denise. Denise? Everyone I know is there. There's Ginny and Alan. How come Denise didn't invite me to her birthday? Don't worry. Lets just get Nevins and go. Okay, kids. Everyone outside! Aaah! Nevins. Cat, get down! They're gonna see you! Hide! Piata! Piata! Piata! Piata! Piata! Piata! Piata! - Everybody join in! It's breaking! Step out of my way. This cannot end well. - Piata! Piata! @I'm easy @ @Ah, ah, ah, ah @ @I'm easy like Sunday morning @@ Oh-ho-ho! Whoo! - Oh! Whoo-hoo! - I got an idea. Candy! Candy! No! Get back! Cat! I'll get you! I'd love to buy some. Hello, Mrs. Kwan. Its Joan Walden. I just called to check on the kids. Are they okay? Those aren't children. They're little angels. That's sweet. Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan. I'll be home as soon as I can. Bye-bye. Bye. All right, soldier. Our bogey is in range. Commence search and destroy. - What? - Search and rescue. I meant search and rescue. Come on! I can't believe I wasn't invited to that party. Hey! You're a lone wolf. Live alone, die alone. Yeah. - Can we please get the dog? Can we please get the dog? Can we please get the dog? Boo! Oh, no! Oh, man! Hello, Nevins. Good-bye, Conrad. Not so tough now, are you? We're dead. We're never gonna get that crate shut. And I'm getting shipped off to Colonel Von Kronk's School for Wayward Boys! Why don't we take my car? You have a car? Yeah, sure. Wow. That is so cool. That's just the dust cover. Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger. Or S.L.O.W. For short. S.L.O.W.? Yeah, SLOW. It's better than the last name we had. Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter. - Oh, you mean... - Ohh! Quick, to the SLOW. Buckle up, kids. We're on a mission to get that dog, and we will not rest until we find and destroy it. Rescue it! Rescue it! Of course I meant rescue it. Whatever. Remember, kids, there's nothing faster than SLOW. That's backwards! It makes no sense. Look at you! Argh! Okay, here we go. G.P. S... check. DVD, CD... check. Someone from Czechoslovakia is a... Czech. Siren! What are you... What... Siren? Let's go! Whoo-whoa-ho-ho! Hi there! How are you? Yeah! @ I'm sending Conrad away @ - Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't believe you whizzed on my taco! Wait till Joan gets a load of you! - There they are! - Red light, red light, red light, red light! Red light! - Someone else should drive. - All right. You win. Concrete, you drive. Are you serious? I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea," but I can barely hear that little voice... because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the 12-year-old drive!" Now, punch it! This is awesome! - I want to drive. - I think that's a great idea. Wait! Two people can't drive at the same time. You're right. We should all drive. - Cat! Where are the brakes? - I'll get them. I think there's something wrong with your brakes. When's the last time you had them checked? Bad brake! One-way street, one-way street, one-way street, one-way street! Hey, Rhode Island license plate. You never see those. Om. Om. Air bag. Standard. I think... I wet... my jar. Can we do that again? Hey, there he is! Oh, no! He's going into Mom's office! Come on, Cat! You know, Nevins, when Joan finds out you've escaped again, Conrad will be moving out, and I'll be moving in. We've gotta get Nevins and that lock back. What are we gonna do? Don't worry. I have three plans. Plan "A": "Mess up a perfectly clean house." Done that. Plan "B": "Cut your losses and ditch the kids." - That could work. - What about that one? Plan "C": "Trick Mom's boyfriend into handing over dog and lock." I don't know. I still like Plan "B." - Cat! - Okay, okay. Plan "C." Look at you. Argh! Excuse me, sir. I'd like you to sign my petition. Yeah. Get out of my way, you hippie freak. Are you aware of the senseless, wholesale slaughter... of the flatulating, acid-spitting Zumzizeroo? What will it take to get you out of my face? Just sign my petition... with this large, oversized pen that requires two hands. I see. - Will you hold my dog? - Yes! Okay, I have a problem with the word "dog." I don't use the "D" word per se 'cause I think it's really, really wrong. Yeah. But I will happily hold your Canine-American. - I'm more comfortable with that really, yeah. @ How much is that Canine-American in the window @ Cat! Come on! - Hey, what the... Go, go, go! Come back here! I'm on to you kids! - Nothing to see here. Keep moving! Go! Come on! Let's go. Ah, get in, get in! Come on, let's go. Get in! Hi, hi. Get in! Get in! Look out below! Oh! Sorry. Over there. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey! Ohh! Oh! I got you! Here he comes! Cat! - Where's my hat? Oh! Go! Go, go! Go! Let's go! My tail, my tail. Come on, Cat! I'm walking here! Joan. Joan! - I think we lost him. - Not the pocket. Not the pocket! - We got the lock back. Now let's get home. - Relax, kid. I'm all over it. Hey. What's wrong? This. This is not my hat. I must have picked up the wrong hat back there. - So? - So... without my hat, I'm just your garden-variety six-foot-tall talking cat. Joan, your children are running around town like complete maniacs. Yes, they are. With some weird, hairy man in a big hat. Uh-huh. You're gonna believe everything I'm telling you once we get to your house, okay? Come on. We're doomed! We're dead. This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot. Why do I always have to do the opposite of what I'm supposed to? Wait a second. That's it! The opposite! Hey, Things! Don't help us! Do not show up and help us get home right now! - We're goin' on a road trip! - Larry's car? How'd you get so smart? So the race was on to get back home first. Hang on! We gotta beat Mom and Quinn home! But back at their home, things were just getting worse. There's Mom and Larry! Step on it, Joan. Go, go, go, go, go. Oh, Things, do not do anything to slow down my mom. Slow down Mom! Look, Joan, they don't beat them every day. Oh, great. I'm sorry, Off

[deveharrington]

[17 new theories, Part 1/4] Part 1: The Fear Cycle. What these workout videos from Hell🔥 might be telling us: For David, Fitness Culture™ is not about health, but what it means in terms of proving something to himself (youth, capability, money, image etc.). Also analyzing his poor workout form: not what it is, but why? ALSO, considering the “relationship” non-romantically, and (thank you, anon!) is M*nique/Cool Girl™ scamming David with Fitness Culture™??!!

Ohh David baby, what the hell are you trying to show us right now? LMFAO??

Bruce Lee: Don’t think, FEEEEEEL! = David’s fave Bruce Lee quote, probably. 

To anons, thank you so much! I tried to incorporate all of your asks in these discussions. Some of them will be posted and/or referenced in future parts.)

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing (will be explored in 4 separate discussions)

My dream theory: David did not grieve nor heal properly after the trauma of Gillovny ending/having a chance with Gillian and failing, again (feel free to completely ignore this very sappy theory if you wish to, lmao). 

Theory that is probably closer to reality: He jumped straight into a fantasy to alleviate himself from some undefined trauma or, I can still see some sense in my earlier claim that he is just bored out of his mind. What we are seeing right now is his fantasy, still prolonged. And the fantasy right now is: Fitness Fakery™. Biggest theory (for now): he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

Parts to explore:

Part 1: The Fear Cycle (David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. David is keeping things light and controlled right now, matching his Cool Boy™️ self with a Cool Girl™️. But, just like Cool Girl™️/Boy™️, deep down within himself, David is something else: scared? fake? nothing? let’s explore)

+ Maybe he uses fear to manipulate others the same way others use fear to manipulate him. And the idea that he manipulates HIMSELF with fear. 

Part 2: Identity Crisis (His artistic image > his art, Examining his art and the way he expresses himself with very broad strokes, never getting too personal. David wants very badly to be something he is not). 

+ David’s actions right now might be an attempt to see a reflection of himself because he has lost sight of who he is. OR he is trying to build himself up because he feels inadequate. 

I think in a lot of cases, his desire and ambition trump his actual skills, but he is still able to get what he wants through coercion, money, business, etc. However, at the end of the process, he is still left feeling unsatisfied. 

Part 3: Pain and Pleasure (David has confused the two. For David, pain = pleasure = pain) ** elaborated below (under the header “Everything and Nothing”)

Part 4: “You didn’t love me enough” (Based on an excellent submission from an anon) 

“You didn’t love me enough” = “So, I will act out and see who WILL love me as much as I need to be loved! Oh wait, I have nothing to offer but my money. Guess I can only attract SCAMMERS! Eh, bought love is still love for me, beggars can’t be choosers.”

+ Maybe David just doesn’t want to be a burden, I think he definitely does not like to ask for help (example: maybe this is why therapy was not the most effective treatment method for him). So:

** 🚨 Could it be that his actions right now are a cry for help (in his way), but what he wants is to see who, of those close to him, TRULY CARES? 🚨 ** I think he would accept help as long as those who are helping him are helping him of their own VOLITION. So, maybe he is trying to bait people but I think he is also so lost in his own mind and fantasies that he cannot process how awful he is coming across right now. Awful as in, it all really is a cry for help, and not just the "fitness” videos from Hell, but all of his other expressions and actions as well. 

General Table of Contents:

Everything and Nothing

The Fear Cycle

Latest conclusions. (Biggest conclusion: he is currently pushing “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself.)

What does his poor form in his workouts tell us? (a lot!!)

Biggest theory: he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

David is being fake (lead-in for future discussion on his identity crisis)

If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. 

Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS?? 

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing

David wants everything both ways. (I will also relate this to the workout videos from Hell, just keep this idea in mind going forward). 

I think David wants to believe in too much meaning, building things up like a fantasy in his head, to justify the bullshit of his situations.

And, in turn, he removes the meaning from situations that are actually important (potential examples: why he’s always beating around the bush with Gillovny, can’t give a straight answer, and can’t commit, OR, looking at the other side of the coin, maybe they just wanted to keep things private). I think he removes meaning when he doesn’t want to deal with any situation that brings him discomfort, makes him challenge himself, or makes him evolve.

These two mental and emotional processes of adding and subtracting meaning go hand in hand. Perhaps what he wants is to pick and choose what he will address in life, when he will address it, with who, and how. And it is always in service of his needs over anyone else’s. Everyone knows this is not how reality works but it is how he has shaped his own reality. In sum, he lives in a fantasy.

Him telling us to “Be Here Now” is bullshit. Unless he is talking about his book signings, “concerts”, autograph sessions, etc. Notice that all these events have something in common? They are set up as communal events that ask you to come and see David in a context that is always like a temple of worship. Come, look at him, listen to him too, but don’t you dare ask any questions because he will always have the last word: "it all means nothing~~!”

He also confuses his work with his rest.

He confuses his passion with his burden.

He confuses productivity with wasting time.

In relation to this situation of the excessive exercise, for example, it could be seen as a conflation of work/rest, pain/pleasure, passion/burden. He has no notion of balance or boundaries because the two sides of his judgment scale are not defined.

And he deliberately leaves his judgment undefined

What is right and what is wrong? He doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. He’ll say that he lets anyone come up with their own mind but he will never join the conversation and try to contribute or change his perspective because he doesn’t give a sh*t about anyone but himself.

What is real and what is fake with David? I don’t know and he probably does not know himself.

I think he also has not realized that he is constantly walking in fear. He has confused his fear with safety, freedom, fantasy.

In the future, I will explore a batch of theories that discuss how he has, in the same way, confused his own notions of pain and pleasure, prolonging his pain because it brings him pleasure (attention, pity, he is bored - really!, it makes him interesting/edgy/cool/“that guy who’s been through things”) and mourning his pleasure because he also sees it as pain (it is like he is drawn to destructive pleasure, but then cannot handle the consequences so conflates pleasure with pain automatically… more on this later).

I also think that, when he is left feeling dissatisfied, he switches the definition of either pain or pleasure in his head in order to SATISFY HIMSELF.  In sum, he lives in a complete fantasy. 

And maybe he wants to be paired with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Keep this in mind going forward. Even in the most literal sense of, the physical “pain” of exercising, the “pleasure” of feeling accomplished, etc

+ To this anon:

Please know that you have contributed to these theories as much as I have. The only difference between our expressions is that I said my piece in the most convoluted and wordy manner possible. 

I had created the ideas of these new theories before I received your message, but your input turned so many ideas on their heads!  

You lit a fire in my brain!!! And for that I thank you.

The rest of my answer to you anon, some more conclusions, the main questions of this post, being fair to David in response to the mean spirited comments about the workout videos from Hell, and Table of Contents are all under the cut. Thanks so much to anyone who reads this!

Response to anon continued: 

Gerascophobia (perfect word for this situation), absolutely. And I will actually explore how David’s refusal to accept his age is actually becoming physically dangerous for him. I think it is also contributing to a possible identity crisis that he may be experiencing right now (I will explore this more in Part 2).

Thanatophobia, of course! I think David having 5 daily reminders on his phone that he will one day die (his own admission of one thing he uses his phone for)  is actually doing a disservice to him. What I don’t like about the “we only have one life” thinking is that it makes you act recklessly. Add to this the fact that this attitude is not ideal for someone who already refuses to have a foundation of meaning and thought for his actions. Life does not last forever but it is not a rat race either. Life must consist of work and rest, silence and noise. Essentially, balance. 

💣  [THEORY 64] David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. Scammers validate and perpetuate David’s fears in order to prolong their scamming, A.K.A. The Fear Cycle. 

And now, considering all of this fear that is bubbling beneath David’s calm, cool, spirit seems to be away from the body surface, let’s go ahead and quote a favorite artist of mine, Jenny Holzer’s, Inflammatory mantra on fear and manipulation: 

FEAR FEEDS ON FEAR. 

#BradNewYorkHobo #CoolGirlisHotCoolGirlisGameCoolGirlNeverGetsAngryatHerMan #Brick1stClassDoggie

all live by this: 

David walks forward, but is constantly looking over his shoulder. His scammers are as well. This situation would be hilarious if it weren’t so desperately pathetic. 

I want to try to simplify what I see as David’s fear cycle: 

1. Because he does not involve himself in the real world or does research to educate himself, he is afraid of it. 

2. He radiates fear (really) and the scammers are drawn to it. 

2. Try not to take this point too harshly, but coming from these previous steps, I think its fair to conclude that David gets what he wants by imposing fear on others or uses fear as an emotional manipulation tactic. But he does not mean any harm. I say this mainly because what is within is expressed on the surface. Also, what is learned becomes your behavior. 

He was once described as intimidating. What if he uses his “laid-back all-knowing sage” posturing as a way to do this? He intimidates others with his education, his apathy/lack of vulnerability, his smugness? 

3. He lives in fear. He walks but is constantly looking over his shoulder. 

4. Living in fear only further proves his own beliefs. 

Thanks so much again, anon. And thank you especially for the first part of your ask! I won’t give up. We can’t give up!!!

Disclaimer

OK, lots of blah blah blah here so I tried to shorten this by bolding what’s important. I’ve also tried to label what I feel is very important with asterisks or emojis, lmao. There just is a lot of foundation to lay in order to see how all the pieces connect as a bigger whole.

🌟= important! lmao

🚨 = important within important!!

Latest conclusions:

- 🌟 David is not obsessed with or solely working for money. I think he is obsessed with wanting to push the bounds of “how far he can go”. ex: acting like a brat at cons while still getting paid, or proposing the most ambitious projects. This gym behaviour might be another manifestation, and if it is, it represents the discrepancy between what is going on in his head and what is going on in reality.

- 🌟🚨 ** I state that he wants to see “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself. He does not know who he is right now. (Did he ever imagine he would have a “relationship” [even considering it non-romantically] like this? Does he even associate it with his true self or who he wants to be?).

+ I still think his unpredictable career plays a role in the way he sees himself. 

[Could an identity crisis be involved:]

- 🌟 When was the last time David did something on his own? From his own heart and by his own hands? When was the last time he expressed himself truly and fully?

- 🌟 When was the last time David spent time ALONE? I think the solution for him would be to take time away for himself right now.

[On the scamming:]

- 🌟 Ok, I’m sorry. I previously went in on David saying he is faking his innocence and humility, but what if he is actually a VERY innocent and genuinely nice guy? And this is why he keeps getting scammed? GOD if this is the case then i’m really sorry, David, for what I said, really!

- 🌟 🚨 If M*nique were being a GOOD gym buddy, she would have David’s health in her best interests. !!! The video evidence demonstrates otherwise, but i’ll still leave this thought open to being proven wrong for now.

- 🌟 AND My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? Fastest conclusion: he is not exercising properly, and nobody is not bothering to correct him??

- 🌟 I assert in these theories that the Fitness Fakery™ is more dangerous than the “relationship”. It is dangerous to his already vulnerable identity and of course dangerous for his health. 

- 🌟 But I will also explore the idea that maybe the “relationship” is NOT romantic, and David is just that weird - which is not out of the realm of extreme possibility. (or, I still stand by my stance that, if there were a  “romance”, it would exist only between David and himself).

From my perspective

I’ve been going to the gym regularly for years. I’ve had gym buddies and a personal trainer in the past and I’ve learned that there is a difference between the two. I don’t know if David himself has learned the difference between the two. A buddy is great for getting you motivated and feeling comfortable in the gym. But, for me anyways, a trainer (at the very beginning) was essential for getting my form on point and making me learn that the mental component is as as important as the physical component when it comes to working out efficiently.

So, this is coming from my personal experience of exercising and listening to my body: FORM IS EVERYTHING! Form is more important than the duration of your exercise, the intensity, and how many reps you do. 

So, just be warned that I will focus alot on his workout form. Those unfamiliar with exercising (or exercising properly) [sorry! I don’t mean to insult anyone] might feel like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. And ACTUALLY this discussion might be one of my most biased because it is coming from a personal place for me. 

Where i’m coming from: I learned eventually that your mentality was key in being consistent with using the gym. I, before anything else, had to perfect my gym form, ethic and integrity. I needed to create an idea in my mind of what the gym/Fitness Culture™ meant to me in order to give myself the highest likelihood of success. 

So I’m addressing WHY people use the gym in my take. 

🌟 In fairness, I don’t know anyone who habitually uses with the gym for YEARS purely for physical health. And I’m not referring to exceptions like people who want/need to lose weight, people working through injuries, physiotherapy etc.

*** 🌟 To commit ourselves, we all need to have some personal, psychological, emotional, mental and/or spiritual reasons we attach to it to give that level of dedication some meaning. ***

*** 🌟 BUT, following that thought, remember that David himself admitted that he doesn’t like to think too hard? Nor apply too much personal meaning to his actions? ***

To simplify what I am trying to say here:

1. Poor form = wasting time at the gym.

2. No thought behind actions at the gym = literally, wasting your time and energy at the gym. 

1 + 2 = 

 **** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 65] He is wasting his time but he WANTS to waste his time. He WANTS to fool himself with this Fitness Fakery™ because he has NOTHING else going on in his life yet he wants to project the image (to others and most importantly to himself) of “being his best self/living his best life”.

This is HIS end of the Fitness Fakery™ scam. I’ll say it again: it takes two to tango. 

And, again, the gym is probably some fantasyland for him. 

Consider also: typical Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they afford you the illusion of “living your best life” (thank you to a user who brought this idea up to me).

Again, it comes back to being a mind game. I will try to address the question: What is David’s real reason for going to the gym? 

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 66] My conclusion for now: David has confused his body and identity with the positive association of Fitness Culture™ (and let’s keeping asking, “why?”). Because his view of this routine in his life of his is overwhelmingly positive and most likely seems overwhelmingly positive to those around him, 

*** he has not noticed that he has fallen into a hole of self-obsession. 

*** Also, his workouts could be potentially dangerous for his health. No ageism here, the human body is simply the human body. When we age, we must make adjustments to our fitness routines, that’s all. It might not even be the intensity, but again, the poor form that could be the biggest danger. 

*** In sum, David’s mind and body are not in sync. I’ve stated before that I believe his mind is overactive (not in critical, retrospective, reflective or deep thought, but in rationalizations and fantasies) and I think this mind of his is very much playing a role in this situation. 

The Good and The Questions

The Good: 

- Good for David for wanting to be in shape. But there is a difference between working out and overexerting yourself with a workout meant for someone much younger than you. Even when I train with people my age but at a different fitness level, I cannot always keep up with their routines. 

The solution: do it as intensely as you can while still maintaining your form. Do not push yourself to match what you see while compromising your form, because you are essentially wasting your time. 

- To be fair to David against the mean spirited comments: honestly, exercising is not a pretty sight, nobody looks cool while exercising lmao sadly. Also, I think the D/M situation still makes a lot of people (including me) so uncomfortable that we resort to laughter to heal ourselves. Even my initial reaction to the videos was very mean spirited, but I have been angry with David lately, lmao. 

- To be fair to David about his poor form: there could be a number of reasons, an injury, age, he is tired. But to all of these, any professional trainer (or a GOOD gym buddy) would tell you to simply rest or adjust your workout. They would never tell you to overexert yourself.

- 🌟 And, to still be fair to him, it is not a consistent journey to go to the gym regularly, you will have some good days and many bad ones. This could've been a bad day for him emotionally or mentally. 

🌟 BUT My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? (will be addressed later)

**** 🌟 Ideally, your day at the gym will involve NEUTRAL emotions (and I thought for so long that you should always be positive, but this usually just leads to me beating myself up for not working out hard enough! lmao!) and you 🌟 accomplish your routine without too much self-gloating NOR too much self-criticism involved. 

**** 🌟 So, why is is he pushing through a hardcore workout with poor form, if he should know from experience that this is NOT good for his health? And he should also be able to know and FEEL that his form is BAD? I’ll say it again: bad form = wasted exercise.

Conclusion:

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 67] I don’t see that he has NEUTRAL feelings towards Fitness Culture™

Maybe its as simple as:

1. David wants to see himself reflected in Cool Girl™

2. David see, David do. In David’s mind, he’s GOTTA do in order to prove to himself that he IS in fact, a 25 year old woman!!!!!!

(Are his emotions involved when he goes to the gym? Keep this in mind going forward...)

The Questions: 

1. 🚨 Why is David so engaged in Fitness Culture™ right now and not in his real life? 🚨 Not in his relationships? Not in his career - why will he act so dead at a con and then exercise like this? exercising should make you feel happy! (literally, lmao!) He might just be making himself tired, LMFAO.

2.  🌟 And why allow videos to be made and posted about it??? I honestly instinctively interpreted it as an angry message at first? like, showing off to his fans? attempting to demonstrate that he is Hercules to anyone that will listen? or could it be showing off to someone in particular [initials: GA] perhaps? hehehehe... ?? I’m probably reading way too much into it, as always. 

But, if David allowed this sh*t to be posted after he berated Gillian Anderson for her work related social media posts, that would make him look absolutely outrageous. Just more evidence of his completely self serving hypocrisy and total lack of self awareness.

OR, there could be a possibility that he didn’t know the videos would be made public. And whoever filmed and distributed these videos had the intention of making fun of David, lmfao. To which I would say, David, when will you GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS SITUATION???!?!?!?

3. 🌟  Who is making these videos and why? Because if they are being made by and for the personal trainer, then they are compromising this trainer’s reputation. Not only in a supposed breach of privacy (I have no clue if David allowed these videos or not. I’m guessing he probably did but is still clueless as to how social media works? I have no idea), but also in the fact that a trainer is meant to spot and correct a client’s form constantly. 

4. *** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single tiny fraction of a millisecond of a portion of a molecule of a split second there.

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows.

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

5. For the amount of time D/Cool Girl™ have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? 

6. Also on the subject of how long they’ve been working out together, why are his legs still chicken legs (serious question, lmao)? They should be built up by now if he is doing the same routines Monique is (look at her legs). Literally, a conclusion here is that he is not doing his exercises PROPERLY. 

Table of Contents

On the Fitness Fakery™ . 

1. David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

2. Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy. 

2. David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

3. He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

4. On the subject of being a poor consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

5. Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

6. DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!!

7. IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier. I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

8. Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming. 

9. Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

10. If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. And, if this were the case, the relationship would still unequal, and it would still be an exploitation.

11. Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS???!!!!

The Theories:

(1) 💣 [THEORY 68] David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

He is drawn to and practices FAKE fitness, not real fitness. Related to: he doesn’t like discomfort.

We make fun of his chicken legs but seriously, from a fitness perspective, what are those? Why doesn’t he buff up his body evenly? 

From my experience of going to the gym: I love working out my arms (the burn feels good there, for some reason) but not my legs. The pain in my legs just freaks me out, probably because you need to use your legs more than your arms. And knowing that David doesn’t like discomfort, maybe this is the case with him as well? LMAO? In short, David, we understand... everyone hates “leg day” but... we push through it anyways!

Ok, on the subject of distraction, I think it speaks for itself. And I don’t think this is the only distraction in his life, but I think this might be one of the more “dangerous” ones in terms of the way it fools his mind and identity.

(2) 💣 [THEORY 69 - POOR CHOICE OF NUMBER. It would’ve been nice to have a Gillovny theory here, I blame you, David!] Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy.

My conclusion for now: he fell into a hole of self-obsession. Wtf is he doing? Acting like he doesn’t give a sh*t about The X-Files at cons but still supporting Chris Carter and saying he’s open to doing more episodes??

*** I’m here to put a focus on the discrepancy of why he is so engaged in the Fitness Fakery™  and not engaged in his real life.

*** Conclusion: Fitness fakery™ is his current fantasy.

*** The Danger: Its hard to argue that this is something bad for him - for him to argue against himself or his loved ones to argue against him, since fitness is usually very literally equated to “goodness”/health/productivity etc. So, with the hook of Fitness Fakery™, he has some justification that he NEEDS to be at the gym 24/7 with his lil clone buddy. And of course... nobody is buying this. Except for him. 

(2) ��💣 [THEORY 70] David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

Evidence of fakeness: POOR FORM AT THE GYM. I go to the gym regularly and when I first started I invested in a personal trainer just to get my form correct. Form is everything in exercises, not duration and not how many sets or reps you do. 

Just by looking at his form I can see that he is wasting his time. I don’t know why the guy who was filming (who seemed to also be spotting them) didn’t correct David. Literally, it doesn’t matter if you do 1 million pushups the way he did them, you won’t see any progress (ok thats an exaggeration, but FORM IS STILL CRUCIAL!!)

I’m stunned to see the poor form because I thought he was experienced with fitness? Was this a bad day? I’m tired of being fair to him so i’m just gonna go in:

What real gym-goers say at the gym: “I want a REAL workout. I want to feel like I’m dying afterwards. I do this for myself and for my own health. But I know my limits and will not overexert myself. I keep myself informed. I want to get my money and time’s worth. etc.”

What Fakey Davey says at the gym: “I want a FAKE workout. I don’t want to feel too much discomfort. I will ignore my doctor’s advice that I shouldn’t be pushing myself so hard at my age. LOOK AT ME EVERYONE!!! SEE HOW OLD YET STRONG YET FAKE I AM? Hey Chris Carter, you forgot to write a scene in this X-Files episode where I can take my shirt off for no reason!!! I don’t care about getting my money or time’s worth at the gym because... I HAVE UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF BOTH. etc.”

OR actually, just to be fair, i’ll toss in the possibility that he is aware of his age or has an injury or something. But to this I will still oppose him and tell him to be kind to himself and lay off the gym. And you know, perhaps, put some attention onto something... you know... something other than himself. Maybe. For once. Just a suggestion?

He is being fake, to everyone, and most importantly to himself. Fine, fool yourself David, but don’t implicate others. Don’t lie to your fans about who you are and then accept their money happily while turning over a crap product (and I consider his behaviour at the latest con to be a crap product, to put it nicely). 

Voice of David’s God (a.k.a. himself): He is convincing himself that he will one day become The Hulk or one day win some 1st prize bodybuilder trophy or some sh*t and one day ONE DAY this will make people RESPECT THIS GOD OF A MAN!!!! you’ll believe godd is a daviiiiiiid ~~

(3) 💣 [THEORY 71] He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

But, to be fair to him, he might just be a product of his fake, shiny plastic, gimmicky, trendy Los Angeles environment. Also, I think this is related to his avoidance of deep or critical thinking.

I recently received an anon message talking about the people in his circle and the products they sell/promote: all fake, holistic, unproven health gimmicks. Very popular amongst actors since they need to keep up with the cool crowd, want to support their inner circle of ~ enlightened millionaire beings ~ and are uneducated (or in this case, lack critical thinking or research skills). 

(4) 💣 [THEORY 72] On the subject of being a crap consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

I stated before that he consumed this “relationship” the same way he would consume a gimmick. And he is keeping the “relationship” going the same way he keeps those disgusting Vibrams on his feet. 

Same way he will consume a “relationship” with a scammer. 

Where is the self awareness David? Where is the pride? Where is the self respect? 

oH WAIT actually, maybe he never learned to become a smart consumer because HE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY????!!!! OR BEING AT LOSS WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN ayyyye got it ya’ll! ... just kidding. 

Its a cycle:

CRAP CONSUMPTION = CRAP COMING OUT THE OTHER END. 

= THIS IS WHAT WE’RE SEEING RIGHT NOW. 

“Loved the Wizard World Comic Con appearance straight from your ass, Dave!” - TripAdvisor review posted anonymously and thumbs upped by Brad Davidson. 

Maybe he fooled himself from the get-go with the education? He considers himself omniscient? . 

Why can’t he just.... FOR ONCE.... think critically!!!!??!??!?!

(5) 💣 [THEORY 73] Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

I still assert that him bringing her around everywhere is just excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. However, everything we’ve witnessed in the past has proven that David is excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. Soo, end of discussion? 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 74] DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!! 

*** However, if she is meant to be his trainer, her services are not really professional. If she were training him then I believe that she would correct his form, or give him exercises that are more appropriate for his age (no age shame here, the human body is the human body. With age, we must make adjustments). 

I think what might be going on is that David is forcing himself because he wants to prove that he can still do these exercises that younger people do. In short: to see himself the way he wants to see himself in his head. So again, I circle back to the argument that David is doing this for his loneliness, desire to feel young and capable, and, essentially, all his selfish purposes. 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 75] *** IS the Fitness Fakery THE TRAP? And is this trap within a larger trap of the crap career? And is the crap career trap within the larger trap of his own apathy/laziness/greed/insatiable ego?

my answer: YASSS!!!! pass it on to Dave.

Ok but seriously, wtf?? If it is so damn painful for us just to watch a few single seconds of these videos from Hell what the f*ck is the reality of the situation for David? 

I said he lives in a fantasy, but this theory would prove that he is BODY, MIND AND SOUL IN ANOTHER DIMENSION.

Does he just not feel any pain anymore? Whet? Does he not feel ANY shame? LMFAO?? wtf boy...????

(7) 💣 [THEORY 76] IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier.

I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

Another thing I noticed in those videos from Hell, is that the trainer does not do anything to correct David? Its like he is not even acknowledging him? What I see is honestly a bunch of people not wanting to tell David the truth of himself, lmfao. It took a while for me to pick up on this through all my cringing/refusal to look directly at the Hell footage. 

I’ll just repeat myself here because I thought this moment was hilarious:

*** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™ JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single split second there. 

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows. 

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(8)  💣  [THEORY 77] Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming.

I guess we should not ignore the possibility that David is just very naive (its been said before but I still cannot even make heads or tails of this idea right now, lmao). Maybe he will just blindly believe anyone with credentials or even ANYONE WITH NO CREDENTIALS lmfao!!! Maybe he only believes... young people? I don’t...

Oh wait yeah... he has a close relationship with and respect for Chris Carter... I guess I shouldn’t be... applying morals or logic to who he decides to trust....

So, is he just lazy? I still don’t think it’s that simple. But, I mean, come on boy, READ SOME DAMN LITERATURE ON THE SUBJECT. Put away the fantasy books, the myths, the outdated philosophy manuscripts FOR ONE SECOND and EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(9) 💣  [THEORY 78] Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Without any eyes on Cool Girl™, what reason would Cool Girl™ need to be hot, game, and never angry?

Cool Girl™ might have also confused reflecting someone’s ego with having a personal identity, not realizing that their role is merely to be a... mirror. 

(10) 💣  [THEORY 79] If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes.

Cool Boy™️ is also hot, game, fun, never angry, liking whatever someone else likes WITHOUT CRITICAL THOUGHT/RESEARCH. 

Above all, Cool Girl™️ does what she does for the attention and approval of men, even at the expense of other women. 

So, does David/Cool Boy™️ do the same? Could we actually say yes? Suppressing his actual indifference towards feminist issues? Never getting angry about the social media nonsense? lmao??

**  🚨 I think David keeps up this facade and suppresses himself because he knows there is really nothing to him beneath the surface.

* And would the end goal, for Cool Boy™️, of this “relationship” be simply recognition, attention, and approval? Even if it is all faked fakery? I don’t really want to even think about the situation as being THIS pathetic but all of the evidence, including what we know of David’s insatiable ego and the fact that he his living in some fantasy land right now with no evidence of a single person bringing him back to reality, would prove, yes?

**  🚨 🚨 HOWEVER, the “relationship” is still an exploitation: our Cool Boy™️ in this situation, unlike Cool Girl™️, does NOT have to fully sacrifice himself for the attention of the Cool Girl™️ because of the power imbalance of the “relationship”.

The fact that Cool Boy™️ is male (and socially seen as protector, provider etc.)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ is older (again, seen as the provider of both resources and knowledge)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ simply has more experience with “relationships”, human interaction, and emotional manipulation...

All of these facts combine to tip the scales in Cool Boy™️’s favor. Yet still, he maintains the facade of Cool Boy™️ because he DOES want attention in this relationship.

(11) 💣  [THEORY 80]***** 🚨 🚨 He is literally that LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS!!!!

Hey David, why not just put all of this effort, energy, mental fantasy making whatever towards your CAREER, ART, WORK, AND VERY LOYAL FANS? I can’t stand the sh*tty way he treats his fans!! But I gotta hand it to them, they are very loyal, so wake it up Dave!!!

Again: He is damn bored out of his mind, has no creativity, has no desire to give, no desire to contribute, has no bravery to start a real conversation... and most importantly, is probably **VERY LONELY**... I will keep repeating myself

In Part 2: Identity Crisis, I will discuss how he really wants to be regarded as some gritty warrior who has gone through many trials and tribulations in his life, although all the evidence (example: the immature way he handles his problems) proves otherwise.

Future ideas:

Does David actually LIKE being told what to do?

Accomplishment without pride?

Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they provide the self-delusion of “living your best life”

Thank you again, readers!

#David Duchovny #Monique Pendleberry

[dogwitchcity]

What I Didn’t Know About Love::

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#androidlust