#our whole system is aro

[aro-culture-is]

Plural Quoiromantic culture is being pretty sure you can't catch romantic feelings and feel disgust at thinking someone might be into you. but then you become unsure about a headmate who has said she's deeply in love with you and you don't feel immediate disgust and even appreciate and like that fact oh god it messes you up.

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #plural aro culture #quioromantic culture #oh wild #our whole system is aro #the tricky bit is that we're a range on the apl-spec #but none of us particularly mind that #phoenix and i are apl #and i'm like? more or less the one who keeps everything in check in the system and the main communicator between us #phoenix meanwhile prefers to be seen as a wild trickster older ... oh okay give us a minute on terms here #neither brother nor sibling feel right and he's def not a sister #he's not parental or like some kinda pibling #okay look phoenix is like. the punk rocker who lives next door and ruffles our hair before beating someone who made us upset #not not family and not not friend but also neither of those

[kiwinatorwaffles]

i feel like a lot of the mcyt fandom doesn’t realize this but i guarantee you, a lot of us don’t want to see shipping content not because we think it’s rpf or something, but because we aromantic people are so fucking tired of seeing ship content all over the internet that when there is a DEDICATED TAG FOR FILTERING SHIPPING IN A FANDOM we’re rightfully a little pissed when people neglect to use use it. and we’re also rightfully a little pissed when others come in and tag our works as ships in reblogs in a fandom that appears to be generally respectful of ship boundaries.

it’s all about respecting comforts until your ship duo interacts and then it’s untagged romance posting on the dash. it’s all about respecting comforts until someone personally tells you that your tag made them uncomfortable and then it’s complaining that people are being immature and that they don’t know how your tagging system works. it’s why i physically could not finish watching double life and i had to have the tag filtered for nearly a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR because people would not tag their ships. it’s why i stopped telling people about my boundaries because somebody talked shit about me literally in front of one of my FRIENDS for doing so.

the mcyt fandom has probably been where i felt safest as a romance-adverse aro, and a lot of my fellow aros feel the same. don’t change this for us. it’s just one tag to help us out.

#mcyt #kiwi’s calls #kiwi’s aspec posting

[vaporwavevox]

Aronarc

A term for when you're arospec and a narcissist and your attachment is heavily influenced by your narcissism and aromanticism, so much so that a description of your attachment to others is incomplete without both.

Aplnarc

A term for when you're aplspec and a narcissist and your attachment is heavily influenced by your narcissism and aplatonicism, so much so that a description of your attachment to others is incomplete without both.

Aroaplnarc

A term for when you're both aronarc and aplnarc.

These aren't orientation labels, you can be any aro/aplspec and use them, they are rather a descriptor of your attachment style and how narcissism influences your attachment. We are using "narc" in a reclaimed way as pwNPD.

Us and our partner system are both aro and narcissists and we thought for years that we must be alloro because we mistook our strong narc attachments for romantic attraction. The strong attachment to a person made us feel like we wanted whatever romance was with them, but once we started trying to do romantic relationships we got aro panic and felt trapped. We tried to date people and things fell apart because we were incompatible and just didn't want the same things in a relationship as them. We meshed best with other arospec narcissists who implicitly understood that we want supply and intensely attached relationships without that attachment including romance and tying our lives together. Both our aromanticism and narcissism play such large roles in our attachment that it is impossible to describe in what way we attach to people without referencing how both influence the attachment.

Then we realized we're aplspec and the narcissism affects platonic relationships the same god damn way there. We don't have squishes or platonic attraction really (except for one singular squish once in our whole life), but our platonic style attachments and relationships are still heavily influenced by our narcissism and lack of empathy.

You could probably extend this concept to being acespec or more aspec axes, but we wouldn't feel comfortable coining those because we wouldn't find them useful terms for ourselves and we'd like to leave defining terms up to people who want to use the things they're defining.

The pink on the flags represents narc attachment and narcissism, because it is eye-catching and also this song. (P: pretty, I: intelligent, N: never sad, K: cool!). The green represents aromanticism. The blue represents aplatonicism. The teal represents mixing both together. The white represents... I dunno, the fucking relationships and supply and how great our narc attachment is or whatever. It looks good and we like it, don't @ me. We made the colors bright because so many aspec and narc flags have dull colors and we wanted to represent the vibrancy of our experiences.

Coined by @radiostaticsmile and me to describe our own experiences. He's a loveless aronarc, I'm a loveless aroaplnarc.

#arospec #aromantic #aro #npd #narc #aronarc #aro narc #narc safe #narcissistic personality disorder #actually narcissistic #actually npd #npd safe #aplatonic #aplspec #apl #aplnarc #apl narc #vox 2 nite #the term coining has kinda been ruined for me by all the coining blogs but. it is still an accurate descriptor of what we are doing. so. #eyestrain cw

[romancerepulsed]

disclaimer: i am american and i can only speak for how it is here, but regardless this post is about online spaces

i have to say it. "romance negativity" is not a thing and you all look like clowns for saying it and placing it right next to sex negativity. sex negativity exists within a large system oppression. its a set of beliefs an individual can have, yes, but those beliefs in and of themselves are nothing without their institutional support. sex negativity, though it hurts queer people the most, negatively affects every person who desires to interact with sexuality in any way. sex negativity is major websites and apps banning porn for the sake of profit. sex negativity is restricting abortion access. sex negativity is absitence-only education. sex negativity is the criminalization of sex work. sex negativity is rape culture.

romance negativity does not exist in this way. the most romance negativity could possibly harm you is it hurting your feelings a bit when an aromantic person expresses their frustrations with amatonormativity. our institutions actively push for romance and partnering. our whole society is structured around it. all of our entertainment is infested with it. there is no significant cultural push to devalue romance the same way there is for sex, and thats why the discussion of the evil repulsed aros who hate romance and hate you for experiencing it is so fucking stupid to me. like, every romance repulsed aro i know is so painstakingly polite and supportive to the alloromantics and romance favorable aros around us. we are constantly gritting our teeth and working through it, because thats what we have always had to do.

ive also seen posts complaining that romance repulsed aros make the community feel unsafe for romance favorable aros, which... i have not seen any of the rumored aro elitism this implies at all. im sure there are some guys out there who exclude romance favorable aros, and they absolutely suck ass. but this is not a widespread problem at all. and i need you to put yourselves in the shoes of a romance repulsed aromantic person right now. someone who has just found the language for what theyve been struggling with all their lives, and theyre excited to find a community for people like them, a community thats supposed to be free from the talons of amatonormativity, only to find out most of the people there are still talking about their partners, their crushes, the romantic things they wanna do with their friends, etc. its isolating. this isnt to say aromanticism isnt a spectrum or that people shouldnt talk about their experiences as romance favorable aros, im just trying to get you to understand *why* repulsed aros can seem so irritable or aggressive at times.

so im sorry that romance repulsed aros expressing their frustration with the very fabric of society being against them hurt your feelings. but i think maybe thats just something youre gonna have to deal with. if you need tips on sucking it up then maybe ask a romance repulsed aro, we're used to it 👍

#barking #aromantic #romance repulsed #rape tw

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for loveless aro systems and headmates!

There are many aromantic folks out there who not only don’t experience romantic attraction, but also any form of love. For systems who are loveless aros, they may find themselves lonely, excluded, or isolated from their communities as a result of how they identify. However, loveless aros deserve to be uplifted, respected, and treated with kindness in our communities! So here’s to all the loveless aro systems and headmates out there!

If you, your headmate, or your whole system doesn’t experience or understand love of any sort, we want to remind you that you are still worthy of decency and kindness just the way you are!

Have you struggled with making friends because you simply can’t grow to love them? Do you have difficulties seeing eye to eye with your family because you can’t seem to love them the way they love you? Do you have trouble fitting into a society that centers and glorifies romance over many other things, and takes for granted that all people experience love?

If so, we are so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Rest assured you don’t need to love your friends or family to cherish and appreciate them. You don’t need to love the people in your life in order to treat them with respect and kindness, and ask that they do the same in return! Love is not a prerequisite to being treated like a being worthy of care and compassion.

You don’t even need to love your headmates in order to grow stronger together, uplift each other, and learn to work together as a team! It’s okay if you don’t feel love towards the other members of your system. What matters more than our feelings are our actions, and this is even and especially true for you and your headmates! You absolutely can take care of each other and wish the best for each other, even if no one in your system ever feels love in any form or fashion!

We hope that as life goes on, you can learn to accept yourself as you are and stand proud in your identity as a loveless aro. We hope that you can find yourself surrounded with people who care about you, who don’t expect love in return for kindness. You will always belong in the plural community as long as you want to be here! We value your perspective, and want to celebrate and uplift you however we can.

As always, thank you so much for reading! Take care of yourselves, and have a great day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

#multiplicity #pluralgang #plurality #actuallyplural #system positivity #plural positivity #plural pride #system pride #aromanticism #loveless aro #aromantic

[hillbillyoracle]

For the longest time I’ve been thinking these thoughts as well that I don’t think the Ace label fits me completely. It’s not completely wrong but it’s not the whole picture. Before I came to this same understanding I made the decision to not have children or get married. Now that I’m coming to terms with the fact that I actually have low energy I’m still not sure how life will look. I was starting to think that I was non commital and that my ideal relationship would just be a long term partner. I don’t think I have the energy for « society’s relationship expectations » and I don’t feel like bothering other people because I already know they don’t want to deal with me. What are some of your long term relationships tips? It’s either that or I stay single forever which is an idea that’s I’ve always considered as an option. One of the things with being Ace is that when you don’t just follow the script that’s when your the villain. Any other time our sexuality is convient for the system so it’s fine but the minute it starts disrupting their program suddenly what was once admirable is now disdained. Can we briefly mention what sexual power looks like when your this sexuality. I’m super self conscious about how I dress because I know I can’t event express my sexuality the way I want to because people might get the wrong impression. I’m not looking for anything I’m expressing myself because with the little energy I have left I use for creativity. I don’t have a problem with people doing things to signal sexual willingness my problem is the violence in our society when someone finds you hot and you don’t want to « put out » That’s not even getting into the mind games that the genders are playing with each other just the idea of it makes me not want to date. I’m tired just thinking about it. I’m really starting to imagine my life as the village witch living in the forest far from the villagers.

I also don't know that Ace/Aro really fits me but whatever I'm experiencing is at least Ace/Aro adjacent because there's a major overlap in experiences - getting frustrated with compulsory sexuality/romance, chaffing against society being organized around romantic and sexual coupling, simply not having impulses that my friends and family do. I made the decision very young that I didn't want to get married. I wanted to care for children but I didn't necessarily want to physically have any. So I knew from a pretty young age I was going a different route - in those ways I really relate to a lot of aceness.

However, I'm hearing from so many people that dating has become exhausting. And it's substantially more of a sentiment than it was say 10 years ago. Research backs this up - fewer people are dating and having sex. The younger you are, the more pronounced this is. So clearly there's also been a cultural shift in and around dating that's made it unsustainable for a lot of people as well. I'm sure that's also shaping my desire too.

So it's difficult to parse for me.

I think I have very little in the way of advice for long term relationships for a few reasons.

One, while I've been with my partner for seven years, it's been a tumultuous relationship. She was originally diagnosed with BPD and more recently was diagnosed with NPD. While I care about her a whole lot, she's not exactly emotionally available and it's taken years of painstaking effort on my part to establish norms and guide us toward a point of relative stability in our home life. Even if therapy and treatment eventually lead to her being more available, the likelihood of other aspects of a typical relationship (sexual desire, level of romantic reciprocity, etc) lining up seem low.

"Then leave!" I always hear.

No. Because on some level this works. We both are polyam/relationship anarchists who value our friendships very highly and build parts of our lives around them. We have similar preferences in how home and finances should be maintained. She has few preferences in areas I have many and vice versa. She's very good at things I suck at (bureaucracy, paying bills, speaking with officials, etc) and I'm good at things she sucks at (meal planning, ordering and organizing inventory, maintaining a social calendar, etc). While she's far from perfect, she's the most functional and helpful roommate I've ever had. I simply cannot afford to live on my own and neither could she.

So I feel like I have little to offer in the way of long term relationship advice other than don't be afraid to establish relationship norms that aren't common in other relationships. If the other person is on board, you're not harming any one. I know of no one who's been living with someone for 5+ years who has stuck 100% to the classic romantic formula for success.

My parents have been together for 30+ years and have always maintained a high degree of autonomy and alone time - even with my mom's stroke leaving her paralyzed on her right side several years ago. I have a friend who's lived separately in the same town from her long term partner of multiple years and they're both quite happy with that arrangement. I think often of the research lead I worked under who lived in a completely different city than her husband for 10+ years. They visited each other's spaces most weekends but not all.

A lot of things people swear are innately part of a relationship are really optional. The base model is respect and mutual appreciation, everything else is an upsell. Take it or leave it.

Per dressing to express - I think miscommunication is just always going to happen. People act according to their lenses and there's no way to completely circumvent that. And yeah, they're hellishly rude and can even be dangerous about that but there's no way to be totally free of it since it's so far outside of ones own control.

I have found no way to accurately communicate my sexuality/preferences through my appearance with any reliability. My classic example of this for me is that it seems like no matter how I dress, people on dating apps assume I'm a top/dom/pleasure centered. Even when I included a picture of me in self bondage and explicitly listed my preferences on one more open minded app - only seemed to get interest from bottoms/subs/pleasure centered folks. Many of whom didn't bother to ask they were so certain - just based on my look. I've just come away from those experiences pretty convinced that people see what they want to see regardless of how hard you try to communicate yourself.

So fuck em. As frustrating as it all is there's really only one path I've found - do what you want (as long as you're not hurting anyone.)

Cause like what the fuck else is there to do?

#asks #answered asks #aexuality #aromanticism #good food for thought here #thanks anon

[clonerightsagenda]

Pick a favorite character for the ask thing

(Ask meme here)

Did you know in my years of doing this ask meme, no one has asked about my beloved Hera? Possibly bc I talk about her so much already. Jokes on everyone, we are doing it again

First impression

I have told this story many times, but I was white knuckling it through the whole podcast terrified that she would get her memories deleted. To be entirely fair that was a rejected season 3 concept.

Impression now

I love her! Favorite AI character of all time. Chronic pain solidarity.

Favorite moment

I have many favorite moments, but what's coming to mind now based on some of my other responses to this prompt is that Hera delivers the only "I love you" aimed at people who are physically present. Minkowski says it in a message to her husband, Eiffel says it in a recording to his daughter, but iirc Hera is the only one to say it live, and it's platonic and to the group, which I Just Think Is Neat. (Iconically aro podcast w359 strikes again.) Also the whole quote is "I love you guys, but you need to get it through your heads that what goes for you doesn't go for me" which really gets back to one of the show's points that love isn't enough. You can genuinely care for someone and want the best for them and still fuck up, still hurt them, still not fully understand what they're going through. But you still have to communicate and you still have to try.

Idea for a story

Currently working on a PGW fic where the crew swings by the Hermes on their way back to Earth to rescue that station's AI and Hera has to work through her feelings about facing someone who was in the same situation as she was but did not come out on top. Rn she is being unfair about it.

Hera’s equally on edge. “The collar program is still running, she might not have that much processing power. But be ready in case she tries something. She’d better not try anything.” “It’s not her fault, is it?” he asks, surprised by the viciousness in her tone. “I beat a collar program.” “Didn’t Dr. Maxwell help you a lot, though?” Hera doesn’t like talking about Dr. Maxwell. “I don’t care,” she says instead. “She shouldn’t have let Dr. Pryce make her hurt them. Just because she couldn’t stop Dr. Pryce from taking her crew away from her doesn’t mean she gets to take mine away from me.”

Unpopular opinion

You mean besides my post that got me vagueblogged about? Here's another one: I don't think Hera would want or enjoy a human/humanoid body. The one time she's limited to a single source of visual input, her response is "it's weird; I don't like it". She's proud of being able to see colors our skull-gelatin can't comprehend, even if she's sorry she can't share them with anyone. She enjoys being a AI mother program when she's on a functioning system like the Sol. Yes she envisions herself as present with the crew in parts of Memoria, and there's an implication she's given herself a humansona, but my interpretation of that was that she wants to be treated as one of them, and unfortunately most of the crew's approach to treating her as a person is trying to treat her like a human. She's not wrong to think they'd relate to her better if she looked like them. (Is that not the same principle the Listeners used?) Maxwell was able to meet with her on her level, but as much as the other crewmembers care about her, they don't understand Hera in the same way. Downloading her into an android body feels like an accommodation for their benefit rather than trying to find a way for her to thrive on her own terms. Smarthouse Hera forever.

(For the record when her VA was asked if Hera would like being human her response was 'she'd try it for a day to see what it's like but she wouldn't want to stay that way'. Seems reasonable to me.)

Favorite relationship

As most followers know I am very fond of her (non-romantic!!) friendship with Eiffel. They've got a lot in common! They fuck up with each other but then do better! They were both sent up there knowing they were disposable and then decide to care about each other on purpose. However most followers also know that in my last few relistens I've been thinking a lot about her overlaps with Lovelace - how they are both surveillance tools that entities use to try to hurt other people, and they both overcome that. Hera is extending non-human solidarity but she wants to be recognized as a non-human person and Lovelace would really prefer to be viewed as human, thanks. There's tension there.

Favorite headcanon

I've posted before that I think she retains some of Pryce and Eiffel's memories which has funny, sad, and interesting implications. Among these I think she kept override codes Pryce can use on AIs so she can fight that kind of thing off in the future, and something that will come up in that Hermes fic is her deciding whether she's willing to use those on someone else. Stay tuned.

#wow that got long! #ask meme #perpetual perpetual ladies night #wolf 359

[radiostaticsmile]

I think I might be aro too my brain is shattering. Like not just me i think the whole system is aroace and our partner system is aroace and so we just didnt notice

Like this is why i would date any friend who asked bc to me friend feelings were the same as how you feel for a partner its just if you date its basically an agreement to hang out more often and bc im like sexual and romantic action positive including those is like. Ok. But also never saw why only do those with dating person and not any friend. Kinky sex is just friendship behaviour

When i thought i had romantic attraction it was literally just a BPD obsession every time

Like not just me specifically. The entire sytem

Our brain is breaking

#now broadcasting #kink mention #aromantic #kinky ace

[brain-stuck]

what up welcome to brainstuck

were called that because we . Because we are Stuck in th

were a massively introject heavy system of like 26 or some shit and we made this blog to. idk reblog system shit and maybe you guys can interact with us or smth . this blog was the result of a democratic vote so here it is ��

COLLECTIVE INFO

bodily 22

trans dude, default to he / him

overall aroace. headmate identities heavily impact the Flavoring so were loveless, lovequeer, nonamorous and partnering all at the same time

refer to us as a whole as brainstuck or perhaps bingus. i am serious we will respond to bingus

not endogenic or traumagenic but a secret third thing (nunyagenic) (nunya business)

DISCLAIMER some of us arent white in brain but we are bodily white . we dont claim those identities but we do like learning about those cultures so if you got any cool facts hit us up

the resident shawties

COHOSTS: kyle (irl), xingqiu (discord), dave (tungle)

FREQUENT FRONTERS: tao, shinobu, yoimiya, layla / samira, lynette

OTHER SHAWTIES: bo, john, rose, jade, jane, dirk, jake, luke, aradia, sollux, karkat, feferi, lumine, barbara, keqing, xinyan, kokomi, bronya

LITTLE BITCHES: dimple (<- what we named our intrusive thoughts demon)

click the read more for more info on us individually OK EPIC BYEEEE

KYLE 💤 - Our core Guy. The OG. He / him, trans, aroace. Handles IRL stuff. Professional Sleeper. We are all facets of this guy including This Guy

DAVE 🎧 - @aroacedavestrider and @incorrect-hs-quotes (mod dave). he / him aroace homestuck gang. yallready know whats goin on. cohost

QIU 🌊 - @alegendofsword and @blueboy-mlm. He / him, gay ace, trans. Genshin Gang. Cohost. Name is pronounced “CHYO”. Writer and reader.

BO 📺 - @nosignal-standby. he / it. aroace. nonhuman static entity. voidsona. shoutout to deltaverse. probably a trauma holder.

JADE 🌱 - @gardeniagnostic. she / they demigirl! polyam pan, homestuck gang :) talk to me about hawai’ian culture and green magic!!!

LAYLA / SAMIRA 🌟 - @fantastical-eveningstar. she / her for both of us, two-person subsystem. demiaroace and maybe bi about it ?? genshin gang. astrology nerd

JOHN 👻 - he / him, biro ace, homestuck gang. resident Dissociator™. i’m learning spanish and greek! june egberts can interact if comfortable. :)

ROSE 🐙 - She / It. Demi, sapphic. Bi lesbian, don’t care to figure out which I am specifically. Homestuck gang. Talk to me about crystal magic.

JANE 🎂 - She / He? Bi, some kind of gender going on. Homestuck gang. Not frequently near pilot. Sorry :B

DIRK 🔥 - He / him. Gay, aro, left arm amputee in headspace. Rewatching MLP. Rarity is funnier than I remember. Homestuck Gang.

JAKE 💀 - He / they demiboy quoi-aro and bi! Homestuck gang. Absolutely talk to me about crazy ancient relics and sites. Australian not british!

LUKE 🐦‍⬛ - he / him and bi. kind of a… demonstuck dave…? fucked up davesprite?? idk im borderline an oc at this point. part time protector

ARADIA ♈️ - she / they n0nbinary thang. ar0ace. autistic 0n the beat ab0ut cryptids and urban legends 0u0. h0mestuck gang. name is pr0n0unced “uh-RAY-dee-uh”

SOLLUX ♊️ - he / hiim, biiro ace. iidk much el2e ii ju2t work here. ii play a lot of miinecraft. home2tuck gang

KARKAT ♋️ - HE / HIM, GREY-ARO, PAN AND ACE. VITILIGO NATION RISE UP. FREQUENT FRONTER. HOMESTUCK GANG.

FEFERI ♓️ - S)(e / )(er and pan! Name is pronounced “F-EF-furry”. )(omestuck Gang 38) !! I’m a trauma )(older, actually!

LUMINE ✨ - She / her, lesbian. Genshin Gang, kind of a… splice between Traveler and Abyss Lumine? I was both. I am both. Where is Aether

BARBARA 🎶 - she / her and bi ^^ genshin gang. i love to sing and make playlists for my headmates! kind of a… religious trauma processor??

XINYAN 🎸 - she / they ace lesbian and im the proud token punk rock headmate WOOO!!! genshin gang. send me cool music!! names pronounced “SHIN-yan”

TAO ⚰️ - she / they aroace :) genshin gang ! i collect books full of ghost stories so tell me some if you dare~

KEQING 💫 - She / her, lesbian. Genshin gang. Name is pronounced “KUH-ching”, but I also go by Kit. Let’s call me the… “manifestation of productivity”.

SHINOBU 🗡️ - she / he. not picky. aroace, genshin gang. i also go by “shoby”. protector.

KOKOMI 🐟 - She / her lesbian and Genshin Gang! Qiu and I read a lot of books together and I would be very happy to hear recommendations :)

YOIMIYA 🎆 - she / her demi lesbian genshin gaaaang nice to meet you!!! i’m a… motivator?? lmao?? yeah!!

LYNETTE 🎩 - She / her aroace. Genshin Gang. Call me Nette please. Not much of a talker

BRONYA 🐰 - She / her unsure of what the Bronya is. Bronya likes Seele. The Bronya is newest member of system and does not know what she likes yet. Only Honkai subject as far as the Bronya knows.

DIMPLE - this is our resident “and a half”. hes like our intrusive thoughts brain demon and we all hate him so we made him look like dimple mp100 and we call him shit like “scringle” and “bunkle” and “grinkle”. hes not allowed to talk cause he sucks but if he was wed make him use this 👹 ok epic

THANKS FOR READING THAT WAS MAD LONG ok. 👍

#system intro #intro post #plural system #long post #what else do we tag this as

[saveugoodmadam]

So my OC's name is Miria, she doesn't really use a last name. She's trans, and her main outfit is like a yellow medieval vibes tunic with a collar and a belt at the waist with black leggings. she doesn't wear shoes because when raps got the fad going she ran with it. Her hair is a little shorter than shoulder length, and dark blond (usually styled in a half up half down thing with two mini ponytails in back. bear with me i like physically describing characters). her eyes are probably hazel like mine idk.

She works in Attila's bakery (both of them are autistic. attila is autistic and this is canon now) but spends most of her time either in the library reading about fungi (ooh, look, a way for our ocs to be friends!!) or out in the woods foraging for fungi. Miria's dream is to be some sort of official authority/fungi scientist (though she does like nature in general, fungi is her favorite).

Miria is anti-monarchy so although she didn't know varian personally until he became the Royal Alchemist (they bonded over science) she was very much on his side and not on the king's side through the whole villain arc debacle. She's also aro ace because all my self insert ocs are gosh i wonder why.

I don't think she would tag along on the vat7k adventure, it would be too long and too far from home for her, i think, but maybe she and florian could exchange letters? 🥺 👉👈

After the vat7k adventure is over she makes friends with Hugo (they both don't like royalty so that's a bonding point) and they're good friends. Miria is pretty cheerful and sunny, with a good sense of humor.

OMGGG SHE'S SO COOL HFIEUEIEHAJJDSJQ

I think Miria and Florian would definitely be best friends!!! I definitely feel like Miria would be a huge part of Florian's series two arc especially in helping him choose being a librarian over being a prince!!! (probably by sitting him down and going "okay mate. thing is your dad is shit and you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything.")

Also they can absolutely exchange letters omg!!! Idk if there's any kind of bird-carried postage anywhere but. there is now. maybe there's a telegram system in Ingvarr that can become an interkingdom communication system or something (ooh lightbulb moment)

#tts #tts oc #idk whether to tag vat7k or not seeing as she isn't questing in it but if you want me to I can

[ask-row-and-friends]

Uh... hey everyone! The names Rowan! Prince of Valourinth, but uh... I'd... rather not use that title... so just call me Rowan!

This is a blog I put together so that me and my friends can interact with those beyond our dimension! Pretty neat, huh?

Though I suppose I should explain a little bit about our own dimension... uh... you may have to bear with me then, this is gonna be a long post...

[Skip to the bottom for tags and rules, fair warning this is extremely long]

[Anything in these brackets is OOC]

[Currently available to ask: Rowan]

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If I am to give to some basic information about our world, we have a little colour system here that determines if one is a sin or a virtue, this being seen in one's eye colour.

For example with myself, I have purple eyes! That means I am either a virtue of Hope or a sin of Envy... uh... in MY case it's the latter...

Here's a little chart to hopefully make things a bit easier!

My friend and I happen to make up many of these sins and virtues, actually thinking about it now, I think we have at least one of everything here! That's pretty neat to think about!

Uh... anyways, here's some basic descriptions of each of my friends! Uh... I'll maybe update this later if needed (or if my friends want to contribute themselves).

[This will also be particularly long, sorry 😭]

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Sajan - Sin of Lust

Sexuality/Gender: Pansexual, he/him

Occupation: Performer/Assassin

Personality: Cocky, reckless, dramatic.

Likes: Art and drawing, theatrics, dancing, singing, roses.

Dislikes: Bigots, perverts, cold weather.

Rowan's notes: I mean... he's my ex-boyfriend if that needs to be said? I dunno, we're on good terms though...

Helia - Sin of Pride

Sexuality/Gender: Bisexual, she/they

Occupation: Online influencer

Personality: Stuck up, pretentious, vane, materialistic, snooty.

Likes: Social media, fashion, sewing, tea, victorian/medieval history.

Dislikes: Dirt and mud, insects, just anyone who happens to annoys her.

Rowan's notes: She's probably going to kill me when she see's my description of her... but uh... a-at least her new influencer career is going well!

Radiance - Sin of Wrath

Sexuality/Gender: Unlabelled, he/him

Occupation: Prince

Personality: A little pompous, hot headed, easily annoyed, paranoid.

Likes: Books, writing, quiet spaces, tea (though only in a very specific way).

Dislikes: Complete solitude, dark rooms, anything that may set off his paranoia.

Rowan's notes: He still scares me a little after the whole uh... 'void incident'... we're still good buddies though!

Ide - Sin of Gluttony

Sexuality/Gender: Aro/Ace, she/her

Occupation: Baker

Personality: Bubbly, energetic, generous and kind-hearted.

Likes: Sweet treats (both eating and making them), gardening, bird spotting.

Dislikes: Unknown (does she hate anything??).

Rowan's notes: I gotta remember to ask about some of her recipes, they're just too good!

Mari (Maria Nerezza) - Sin of Greed

Sexuality/Gender: Pansexual, she/her

Occupation: Con artist (sorry Mari, but it's true)

Personality: Mischievous, sneaky, a total prankster.

Likes: Money, cool shiny items, pranks, anything circus themed, alchemy and spells.

Dislikes: People using her full name, being called on her bluffs, anyone she deems a 'party pooper' or 'lame'.

Rowan's notes: She's... interesting... gotta keep her away from my crystal collection though...

Rowan (me!) - Sin of Envy

Sexuality/Gender: Gay/Ace, transmasc he/him

Occupation: Prince (I suppose? Still working on that...)

Personality: Maybe shy, a little paranoid? I guess I just... like to help people!

Likes: Crystal's (I collect them!), magic, stars/space, music.

Dislikes: Certain textures and smells, glitter, feathers, just messy things in general really... butterfly's and moths.

Rowan's notes: Hah... kinda weird to describe myself... uh... not like I'm all that interesting honestly...

Igo - Sin of Sloth

Sexuality/Gender: Bisexual, he/him or any

Occupation: Detective

Personality: Stoic, brooding, lethargic, lazy.

Likes: Coffee, anything strawberry flavoured or themed, the colour pink, wearing dresses (he can actuslly rock a dress pretty well!).

Dislikes: Close-minded individuals, loud noises, strong smells, bright flashing lights.

Rowan's notes: His wolf form is kinda scary, but also kinda cute! He has very fluffy hair, I really gotta ask what product he uses for it.

Azaezel - Virtue of Faith

Sexuality/Gender: Pansexual, he/she

Occupation: N/A (I need to ask honestly...)

Personality: Optimistic, positive, determined.

Likes: Animals, bright colours, rain, thunderstorms.

Dislikes: Warm weather, tension/drama, sticky things.

Rowan's notes: I guess we're both kinda ambassadors for our teams? Still don't really know the guy all too well though, his brother barely let's me speak to him...

Ezekiel - Virtue of Faith

Sexuality/Gender: Bisexual, he/they

Occupation: Adventurer

Personality: Pessimistic, hot-tempered, insecure, overly loyal to those close to him.

Likes: Playing the guitar, fighting, rock and heavy metal bands, swords, action films.

Dislikes: Any talks of his past, being grabbed or touched suddenly, being talked down to, any lose of control, dogs/canine creatures.

Rowan's notes: VERY protective of Azaezel, practically death stares you if he thinks you're doing something bad to him... it's kinda scary...

Damien - Virtue of Humility

Sexuality/Gender: Gay, he/him

Occupation: Adventurer

Personality: Generous, open-minded, empathetic, extremely grateful and respectful.

Likes: Astrology, mythology, puzzle games, origami, fireflies.

Dislikes: Airplanes, crowded areas, windy and damp weather, foggy weather, loud noises.

Rowan's notes: We both really like space stuff, it's pretty cool! He definetely knows a lot more about the stars than I do, I really need to read up on it more...

Vincent (Vinny) - Virtue of Prudence

Sexuality/Gender: Bisexual, he/him

Occupation: Musician

Personality: Hyperactive, optimistic, sunshine personality.

Likes: Classical music, dancing, 90's and early 2000's cartoons, silent films.

Dislikes: Being talked down to, crowded/claustrophobic spaces, large bodies of water.

Rowan's notes: And I thought Ide was high energy... he's just... he's way too hyperactive for me to handle...

Cilantre - Virtue of Temperance

Sexuality/Gender: Pansexual, any pronouns

Occupation: Adventurer/Sorcerer

Personality: Anxious, squimish, fidgety, overly worried (not only for themself, but others I've found).

Likes: Things that glow, sparkly things, quiet spaces, set routine and schedules (honestly, same).

Dislikes: Talking to new people, socialising, loud and sudden noises, buzzing insects.

Rowan's notes: They're a nervous guy, I can respect that. I mostly see them whenever I'm having some quiet time to myself, it's just nice to be around them.

Vitani - Virtue of Charity

Sexuality/Gender: Unlabelled, transfem she/her

Occupation: Rockstar

Personality: Loud, shameless, boisterous, rebellious.

Likes: Anarchy, anything punk rock, singing, dancing, playing in her band, being loud.

Dislikes: Bigots of any and all kinds, law enforcement, propaganda, 'money hungry assholes' (her words, not mine).

Rowan's notes: She's so cool! Very high energy though, just a little too strong on the hugs...

Harmonia - Virtue of Hope

Sexuality/Gender: Omnisexual, she/her

Occupation: Librarian

Personality: Quiet, passive, stern and fierce if provoked.

Likes: Horror, mystery, history, folk lore, novels, the goth aesthetic, grimdarks.

Dislikes: Anything cutesy or 'tame', anything too sugary or sweet (hurts her teeth apparently), hot weather.

Rowan's notes: I don't know much about her, I just know she really likes horror and stuff? Vitani said she's cool, I'm more inclined to trust her word than what little knowledge I have on her. Though... if there's one thing I do know it's that Helia is mighty jealous of her.

Djal - Virtue of Fortitude

Sexuality/Gender: Unlabelled, he/him

Occupation: Bodyguard

Personality: Overly-protective, stoic, assertive.

Likes: Unknown.

Dislikes: Annoying people(???), small talk.

Rowan's notes: I know he's Vincent's boyfriend, but that's about it. I've always been too afraid to approach him... I don't think I'm the only one either...

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Phew, that was long... but hopefully very helpful for you guys! Hmm now... maybe I should put a little chart together! Show you guys what everyone's relationships are like, that sounds like a good idea, right?

So how's about I do just that!

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[Sins Chart:]

[Virtues Chart:]

[Everyone:]

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So uh... yeah! That's about it I think! Me and my friends look forward to your potential questions! We'll try to answer them as best we can!

Hopefully my friends are available for questions aswell... uh... I'll try to let you guys know if any of them are unavailable for questions, maybe I'll even see if I can ask others to pass on certain questions? I don't know... we'll have to wait and see if that's the case...

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[Okay this is the start of the more OOC section, the rules, potential notes, etc for those who want to interact with this blog]

For starters: my main account is @k1ng-r0wan for those wondering, it's where I post art of the ocs part of this blog and other stuff (feel free to send asks other there aswell if you want!)

Moving onto the rules for this blog:

1) I will not do anything NSFW, the furthest I'd likely go is maybe making sex jokes with Sajan.

2) If I suddenly go dark on this ask blog then either assume I haven't got any asks to reply to or I'm just busy (the latter is most likely since I'm busy with uni).

3) I can do some out of character replies or non-canon posts (I do love myself some shitposts every now and again lol), those posts will be tagged as such.

4) Other blog interactions are welcome here, even if they make 0 sense with my characters universe (hell, I got inspired simply by interacting with an ask blog in character).

5) Shipping is allowed, all of the characters mentioned here are over 18. I don't mind possibly responding to asks about ships.

6) If I don't respond to an ask then either assume I don't know how to respond or I don't feel comfortable responding to it.

7) I am possibly planning to allow certain characters take over the blog instead of Rowan on occassion (potentially some who aren't listed here), I may potentially take requests for certain characters to take over.

8) I might talk about sensitive topics, but I will try to actively avoid them. If I do discuss a more sensitive topic then I'll add trigger warnings in the tags (inform me if I potentially miss something that might require one).

9) Kinda just want to add this incase something pops up in future, but I am autistic, I might misunderstand certain asks and thus want to make that clear here incase that happens in the near future. Please inform me if I misunderstood an ask.

10) The main purpose of this blog is to simply explore and develop my characters better and to lore dump, if certain designs or lore get changed I will simply tag it to say its not canon anymore. This blog is mainly just for fun at the end of the day.

May add more if needed.

DNI: Pedos, proshippers, bigots, etc.

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Side note:

I am planning some potential time jumping or flashbacks, so this is a simple reference for how you can tell whether something is in the present or the past:

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Tags I may use:

#Ask_Row&Friends - main tag

#Row&Friends_Chain - for rp responses and such

#OOC_Row&Friends - ooc posts

#[name of character]_Ask - for specific character asks/responses

#KR non-canon - the not so canon events (mostly shitposts)

#KR lore - lore tag I tend to use in general with my characters

I'll add more if needed, but I hope y'all enjoy this silly little blog :)

#Ask_Row&Friends #OOC_Row&Friends #ask blog introduction #introductory post #introduction #original character #ask blog #KR lore

[olderthannetfic]

as someone who doesn’t use the SAM, here are my two cents:

i think the SAM is just like any other type of labeling system applied to humans. helpful, descriptive, accurate, and even relieving to some, and then not That At All to others. the human condition is that our experiences and preferences when describing our experiences are incredibly varied. if you find the SAM useful, great! if you don’t, also great! i don’t think it’s reasonable to blame it for the phenomenon of internalized homophobia as a whole. like if you do that imo you could start applying it to bisexuality and pansexuality, since myself and a lot of other strictly gay ppl identified as bi or pan before realizing we were strictly gay. you could start applying it to asexuality and aromantism in general, since there are people who identify as one or both of those before realizing they’re strictly gay. you could even apply it to heterosexuality for the same reason, although i do understand that wouldn’t happen due to how hetero is seen as the default.

i hope i don’t need to point out why any of those things would be fucking terrible. i know there are bi and pan people reading this that have experienced their identity being invalidated as nothing more than a stepping stone to coming out as gay.

basically: you (general you, not olderthannetfic specifically) are not the main character of the universe. i don’t think strictly gay or bi or pan people or whoever else for whom the SAM confused them a bit are more important than the people who have found community and understanding in using the SAM. i also don’t truly believe the SAM is inherently harmful, even to the people it confuses.

this is the nature of humans trying to label themselves, the way i see it. like yeah, having more labels and labeling systems might confuse some people for a bit as they try on and try out different words for themselves, trying to see what fits, but it’s ultimately necessary in order for the human experience to be described. especially when it comes to something as personal-yet-needing-to-be-communicated as sexuality and romance. and that’s not even getting into how people prefer to be unlabeled (which is totally cool too!) feel.

i could pick apart the kinsey scale and how it moreso applies to behavior rather than attraction and how those are not the same thing by any means and how it doesn’t account for the full spectrum of ace/aro identities etc etc but i also know it’s helped people understand and describe themselves. and ultimately it’s not harmful in and of itself. it’s literally just a tool people use to communicate their desires, feelings, and preferences in this specific area.

tl;dr: i don’t think the SAM is that deep. or it is, but no more than any other labeling system out there. if you use it for yourself, cool. if you don’t, cool. it’s a simple tool of communication, and you don’t have to use it but it’s also not at fault for the ways people misuse it bc on its own it’s neutral. don’t use it for people who don’t like it or don’t use it for themselves. don’t deny it to people who like and use it. just don’t be an asshole and let people live.

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[avatar-of-the-web]

I'm seeing posts about amatonormativity but they don't seem to be made by people that have sat with every angle of the subject (fair) so here's my two cents with an angle I've yet to see. Forgive my lack of simplicity and language mistake. Can't afford to write better for now.

It, the nuclear family, the idealisation of a singular monogamous partner and marriage are largely modern concepts, at least in the form they now take anyway. And the whole point of the thing is boosting capitalism and keeping community fairly divided. If we're sectioned off in groups that mostly focus on and care about only people that live in our house with us, where does that leave the collective?

Helping anyone outside is a drag, it's too difficult, it's too much. Engaging anyone outside is a drag, it's too difficult, it's too much.

Why is it so inconvenient?

There is a loneliness epidemic.

On valentine's day, there are a lot of reasons people become severely upset.

You could ask yourself if you're aro, of course, but don't reduce that just to a label—it's a journey, and plenty of aro people spend a long time thinking they want a partner when they really wanted a best friend, or someone who focuses on them before anyonelse without all the excess bullshit, but not all aromantics want that either. We can argue about semantics and where we draw lines in the sand for eternity but ultimately it's individual, it's about what you want and how you want it and how you view that.

If the label helps you find your community then it might be for you. I know I used to be, but I didn't fit in there quite right. I became an identity anarchist instead—I found labeling myself so vaguely confuses people more than it helps. But that's my opinion about me and my parameters.

I digress.

Especially if you seethe with jealousy when you see couples that at least seem to click just right, that show it off but ask yourself if what you need most is an actual support system.

And an actual support system can include a partner, of course, but it should not be compromised of Only or Mostly a partner. But don't mistake this for me saying not having more than that is an individual issue; quite the opposite.

Imagine, a community of people that you can properly interact with and rely on.

Do you have someone or a group even for every side of you? Do you have places you can go to engage with different aspects of yourself and society in a pleasant and meaningful way? Are they accessible? By which I mean, can you actually make it there, and as often as you need to? Can you stretch out parts of yourself too complicated/unrelatable for one group to understand by engaging with another? Whenever you need advice, can you think of a person you can reliably ask, which varies by the subject you need help with?

Do you have someone you can cry to without having to pay a therapist? Do you have anyone who'll be your rubber ducky in a pinch, that you can rely on to have faith in you to grow and not antagonise you for what you said or did once forever?

They don't have to be able to offer advice beyond normal capabilities. Crying to your friends and accepting their advice (which is admittedly usually mediocre BUT still gives something abundantly helpful—a different perspective you don't have to pay money for but friendship instead) is an old social behaviour of humans. Bitching to friends so they can comfort you and/or help you see where you went wrong so you can be more reasonable with the people they're upset with is much the same.

But more and more I saw the attitude of saying "seek therapy, friends aren't for that" rise. And worst, it escalated to "strangers aren't for that", which tells me with the lack of anyone to depressurize with people just started spilling uncontrollably more. And what are they met with? It being called trauma dumping, being pushed farther in to isolation.

I'm not saying every friend needs to "allow" or "put up with" that. That's why it's a COMMUNITY. If the thought of a friend venting to you drives you up the wall—good news! Other people LOVE being that friend, so you don't need to be them, or get personally heated like that. Maybe you're just not That Type of friend. I don't know, I'm not you.

But in a community you can depend on the fact that there will be someone who enjoys everything if only you could mingle enough to explore it and individuals enough to find that out.

In community we challenge ourselves of course! It's full of compromise. But ideally we accentuate our strengths instead of focusing on forcing ourselves through our weaknesses pointlessly. We can lean on eachother for help. It's give and it's take and we pay with favours and trust and joy and quality time and more so that we can keep the support going without burning out; we give.

Humans did not EVOLVE to function alone. Like it or not, we simply can't. The closest we can do is blind ourself to how much the hands of others play a part in our life and wonder why things aren't going so smoothly when we avoid them or they retract, and we're more alone than perhaps we ever even intended.

How do we go back from here?

Who does it benefit if the only question you ask is "why don't I have a partner?" and perhaps "why don't I feel like I can handle one even if I want one"

And the latter is a reflection of this; they'll say you shouldn't put Everything on your partner, but fail to discuss why that's a reoccurring issue in the first place!

Who does it benefit if you're not asking "Where is my community, and how do I help build it?" instead.

Because I don't think it's you!

We all deserve to be well adjusted. And amatonormativity is never going to lead to a society made of mostly well-adjusted people. Almost all of us in places where we've been robbed of community are severely under-socialised, and that ranges to places with apparent community which is largely compromised of vapid attitudes that allow people to have friends at such an arms length that we still feel alone.

We deserve better than that.

#might delete this in a little bit I don't like attention lol #amatonormativity

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/resources/ace-report

I politely suggest you read it before you make the assumption that is aros and aces don't have problems to face.

If you don't believe us after reading the whole thing, fine, but remember that bigots don't care about our specific identities as to them we are all worth hurting; We all have the same face of hate against us, so whether you like it or not, we're fighting together

Just, give it a read; I promise it'll be worth it.

first i'd like to thank you for being polite and linking an actual source, it's the first time in all my years on tumblr that someone hasn't just plugged their ears and screamed "everyone is valid!!!" so genuinely, thank you. second, the point i was making was that aces and aros don't face systemic oppression, not that they don't have any problems. i'm gonna add and respond to some excerpts i found interesting for anyone who cares / doesn't have time to read the report themselves:

i would've liked to see a further clarifying question on this study about what kind of negative reaction the respondents feared. the only examples given were the above and similar, but we don't know what kind of negative reactions LGBT people anticipated. was it also just intrusive questions, or did they consider negative reactions to be physical violence, being fired, being killed, or being kicked out of their home? would a lesbian respondent consider "so which one of you is the man?" to be a negative reaction or an ignorant one? we have no way of knowing if ace and LGBT respondents had the same criteria for what constitutes a negative reaction

this is wildly unprofessional and would also make me (and i'm betting plenty other people) uncomfortable! not sure why this is presented as a micro-aggression against ace people when it's just inappropriate in general?

another one i would've liked a follow-up question to. is this because ace people are uncomfortable coming out at work or because there just hasn't been a reason to bring up lack of sexual attraction at work?

yeah! i agree! although i'm not sure why this is presented as what an ace-inclusive workplace would look like instead of what a... normal workplace should look like?

this is literally just misogyny. the same shit happens to gay and straight women (also as an aside, pain during pap smears is entirely dependent on personal pain tolerance and anxiety, it's different for everyone and has nothing to do with whether or not you've had sex before. just like how tight or loose a vagina is has nothing to do with how much sex you have. not trying to discredit the woman here, just didn't want to spread misinformation)

this is horrible, and obviously asexuality needs to be taught alongside hypoactive sexual desire disorder in med school so healthcare professionals can tell the difference between the two, as it seems most if not all of these examples stem from doctors and therapists either not knowing the difference or being confused about what asexuality is (since this study is from the UK i'm interested to know if ace people in other countries have had similar experiences, and if asexuality is taught in med school in other places)

again, thank you for sharing! it was very informative and i'll admit i wasn't aware that some ace people face medical discrimination, so i learned something new :) as i've said before, the LGBT and ace communities are a venn diagram, especially where LGBT ace folk are concerned. they're not completely overlapping but not completely separate. most marginalized communities overlap in some way. i know i said this at the start of my reply but it bears repeating-- while everything asexuals faced listed in this report ranged from mildly annoying to downright traumatizing, it's still not an organized legal attempt to criminalize, well, not feeling sexual attraction... and there weren't any hate crimes against aces... do you see what i'm getting at

#mine #id in alt text #lgbt #asexual #aromantic

[variousqueerthings]

happy aromantic awareness week!

I've been slowly exploring and poking at my aromanticism throughout the last year or so. while I've been happy to id as such for about 10 years (however long it was after I learnt the term) I definitely felt a certain reticence about thinking too much about it, and mostly deep-dived into other facets of my self -- aromanticism makes even other queer and lgbt+ people uncomfortable, and since I was living my life as I wanted to anyway, I was able to be open about it without insisting on understanding (call that a mix of internalised aro-phobia, fear, and probably just not being ready)

I think as I get older the aro part of me feels like it's coming to the fore as the constructs of society affect me more and more. it's not easy being a part of the world without conforming to normative ideas about relationships and family

this has made me both more radical in my aro-based politics, while also asking more questions on a personal level: what do I want out of my time around other people? what matters to me about connection?

it's been leading me to exploring the term "loveless" -- a pretty heady word I think, a lot of people have a kneejerk reaction about it, but it feels good to me. this could be something in flux (similar to how i inhabited what I call a void space in terms of gender before feeling comfortable exploring masculinity-as-drag, and with asexuality before I started poking at kink), but honestly I've never understood the term or its apparent accompanying feelings. I enjoy the company of other people, I like sharing things with them, and I have connections that for one reason or another have shared more than others due to the ways we've met and our history together, but I'm also not deeply emotionally affected by people on the whole, nor do I feel like I'm "missing" a certain kind of connection that I need to pursue to feel whole

I mostly spend time with others through the lens of specific community spaces, in which we have the same goal (be that political, artistic, fandom-based, sharing rent, etcetc.) and that's really what I want -- shared goals, having a fun time, building spaces, communally caring for one another

so that's where my aro-based poking has lead me so far. it's still a tad reticent, because... well I do worry. I worry that people in my life will take this to mean I'm uncaring about what we've done together or the plans we've made, or that I'm in need of some kind of fixing, and I'm worried as I have been since I was a kid that in the next 10, 20, 30+ years I could really be struggling to survive, because I'm not able to create the kind of social safety nets that are "acceptable" in the eyes of government structures

I do have a safety net currently, and it's a good one I think, with people I really like, and who care about me, but its legal ins and outs, as well as my internal being that will always have this particular lens through which I experience the world, make it less stable than if I'd been in a romantic relationship or even if I experienced "love" in some other way (and tbh ending up in this scenario was pure happenstance and I'd never have been looking for it otherwise)

so to think about the future: what forms of connections do we value, materially? what kind of people do we allow to thrive and under what structures? how do we build (queer) community spaces in which we provide care for one another that aren't predicated on finding the exact special person/s that potentially leave others behind? how can this kind of ethos on a massive, societal scale, potentially make us more able to care for people with no social safety nets, especially homeless, disabled, elderly, and underage people, who get stuck in systems that can't -- and often won't -- adequately support them?

and what sort of connections do you like forming that aren't strictly romantic or fall under "the special person" categories? personally I just joined the local theatre group and am going to their social events and it's been a massive boost to my self-confidence

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro stuff #me #personal

[contagious-watermelon]

is it just me or have qprs become the nonbinary of relationship types: they originally described a much-needed in-between/outside-of type of experience, but now people have forced them into a strict box that sort of defeats the purpose of the descriptor in the first place

like, there are tons of posts out there bemoaning the creation of a gender trinary / reinventing the binary when it comes to how people treat nonbinary gender — and I'm not nonbinary, so i probably wouldn't be able to describe all the nuances with that as accurately as if i were, but it does feel very similar to how people often discuss qprs —

to me it seems that people have gotten in their heads the concept of a new kind of relationship, in addition to platonic, romantic and/or sexual. but instead of taking it as "some people find this to be useful to describe their relationship dynamic. some do not. all of these people may have very similar or very different relationships; what's important is how the people inside the relationship think of it, rather than how it looks to outsiders," people have added it to the list of relationships and treat it the same way they do the others, in an amatonormative way.

(and note — I've gotten that description of a qpr from reading aromantic stuff online. so it's not like an all-consuming type issue, I'm not parading myself as the sole voice of reason or anything, i just think the view I've seen expressed and paraphrased above should be a lot more common and accessible. bc in my experience it hasnt been, enough)

like, as an example of what I'm talking about: i often see an aro person expressing their difficulties with feeling alone/lonely because they can't or don't want to do romance, and that they wish friendships were taken more seriously — and then the person they're complaining to says something along the lines of "yeah, it really sucks that people prioritize romance so much. but also, have you thought about a qpr?" as if it's some sort of catch-all solution, or romance substitute for lonely aros.

and i know I'm by far not the first person to say this, but people seem to have just reshuffled the relationship hierarchy rather than throwing it out entirely. romance is still on the top, but since you probably don't do that if you're aro, you can have the next best thing, which is a qpr. and then after that is friendship (see: definitions of qprs which imply that friends can't get married, live together, have sex, etc). when really ofc the goal should be relationship anarchy, with none of those relationships being inherently more intimate or serious than any of the others

and i think that is people's goal; it's in human nature, i think, to like things to be in little orderly boxes, with nothing too complicated not to fit within a label and everything completely describable with a few pithy words. I'm guilty of that too, obviously (autistic brain like categorizing), but i think it's detrimental to our ability to actually make any progress dismantling the whole amatonormativity thing, if we just set up a new system that's slightly nicer to all the aros who want and can find a qpr.

#aromantic #i don't know how much any of that makes sense (it's 4am and i should go to sleep)‚ and i think most of it has already been said before #but i haven't really noticed people talking about how qprs are kinda used sometimes as an extension #of the romance-prioritizing system‚ when that runs counter to what the term was even made for in the first place