#part of my brain that screams at me not to post these because they're not worthwhile. PHOOEY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has 411 employees.

#part of my brain that screams at me not to post these because they're not worthwhile. PHOOEY

ducktracy · 17 days

Text

also yes in case anyone was wondering i have indeed tried my hand at drawing some of the Shin characters. it's serious

#i didn't initially like how that Shin looked and that Hiroshi is just a throwaway doodle in my storyboard margins but i'm working on the #part of my brain that screams at me not to post these because they're not worthwhile. PHOOEY #csc

48 notes · View notes

etherealstar-writes · 4 months

Text

I WANNA BE YOURS | LIONESSES X READER | PT 6

pairings: lionesses x reader

summary: in which you're accidentally added to a random group chat, not knowing they're all actually famous footballers, and obliviously end up having many of them competing for your love and attention.

part: six

part one here

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

yourusername: a little photo dump

yourbestiesusername: i'm really proud of that first pic i took of you, i'm coming for your career

↳ yourusername: oi photography's my thing, go find another career

lucybronze: this is cute. you are really beautiful! ❤️

↳ yourusername: OMG NO WAY TYSM!! you're amazing ilysm!!

↳ lucybronze: thank you! @ yourusername

usera omg. the REAL lucy bronze commented on your post!!

↳ yourusername i am not okay rn

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

THE NATIONAL DIVING TEAM

the imposter

YOU GUYS

GUESS WHAT OMG

the REAL karate kid

what happened?

lotte

is everything alright?

the imposter

NO EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY

neev

you're kinda scaring me now

the imposter

i know i'm not a woso fan yet

bcuz i'm still incredibly uncultured

and literally don't know anyone yet

elton

yeah we know

the imposter

BUT LUCY BRONZE COMMENTED ON MY POST

I AM SCREAMING

the REAL karate kid

WHAT

neev

WOAH WOAH

hold on

stairway

that old grandma can actually use insta??

rusty metal

that is so rude and offensive!

to that old grandma ....

the REAL karate kid

SHUT UP

rusty metal

the disrespect children have nowadays

unbelievable

well i'm glad she made your day y/n <3

the imposter

thank you!!!

i'm gonna go thrive in my happiness for the

rest of my life for a celebrity noticing me

peace out

lotte

well i'm glad she's happy

willybum

i need to up my game now

the REAL karate kid

me too

stairway

y'all are such simps

neev

says one of the simps herself

stairway

shut up niamh

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

THE NATIONAL DIVING TEAM

brightness

you know

i just remembered that y/n is still in here

and we don't know like anything about her

at all

door knob

oh yeah

we only know her name

the imposter

i literally only kinda know your names

and that is it

neev

she got a point there

the imposter

honestly i don't get why i'm even still in this chat

not that i'm complaining

stairway

you've been fun to talk to these past few weeks

unlike most of the people on this group chat

who simply decide to ignore their notifications

elton

yeah fr

i didn't feel the need to make a new chat tbh

the imposter

i'm honoured?

elton

you should be

the imposter

uh okay ...

well

i'm 22

i'm a pro photographer and media editor/manager

and uhh i live in london?

idk what else to say tbh

stairway

photography's so cool!

the imposter

thank you!

earpsy

is toone being 10x more annoying

because i'm sick or?

the REAL karate kid

nah she's just that annoying

elton

now that is just rude

willybum

she has an encylcopedia on

how to be annoying

elton

STOP SAYING THAT WORD

wait

guys

neev

oh no

willybum

today on stupid stuff toone is going to say!

elton

oi! i'm not stupid!

the REAL karate kid

you literally thought germany started with j

elton

I WAS UNDER PRESSURE OKAY

anyway as i was about to say

isn't it crazy to think that the money you have

has probably been or could be in like

a stripper's bra or underwear at some point

the REAL karate kid

why does your brain function this way 😭

stairway

wait a sec-

....

she has a point

neev

STOP 😭

that is ALL what i'm gonna think about now

the imposter

never touching cash again that's for sure 😭

willybum

donating all my cash to the trash now

lotte

oh my days

why

just why

meado

WHAT DID I JUST READ 😭😭

part seven here

#lionesses x reader #woso x reader #engwnt x reader #engwnt #alessia russo x reader #leah williamson x reader #ella toone x reader #niamh charles x reader #georgia stanway x reader #lucy bronze x reader #lotte wubben moy x reader #woso imagine #woso #woso fanfics #women football

572 notes · View notes

thebibliosphere · 2 years

Text

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

#adhd #adult adhd #actually adhd #chronic health tag #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #long post #mental health #I am not for you to bludgeon other people with #kindly desist

11K notes · View notes

boyfhee · 1 year

Text

FAIR AND SQUARE › lhs

SYNOPSIS › one thing about life— it's unpredictable. for example, you made a note to yourself about not associating too much with heeseung for your own peace of mind, letting him stay as the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, except one thing leads to another and you find yourself face to face with the said man with your feelings all over the place. a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition, let the game begin.

WORD COUNT › 20.2k

GENRE › academic rivals / friends to lovers, mutual pinning because they're just competitive and oblivious ft in denial, fem reader, quite the 'he fell first but she fell harder' thing eye guess . . .

WARNINGS › mentions drinking, sheds light on family issues ( mostly on the reader's side ) bruise and injury, slightest of angst, arguments, suggestive ( fourth section, towards the end ) profanities, let me know if you spot more

PLAYLIST › tune in for a better experience

NOTE › i love this fic with all my heart and lungs, even more. anyway, i'm sorry to academic rivals fans, this doesn't have academic blood and gore, as quoted by my dear mai. SPEAKING OF MAI EVERYONE THANK @maiverie FOR BETAREADING THIS FIC!!!!!! im not lying when i say i wouldn't have finished writing this yesterday if it wasn't for her, like thank u for ur super helpful review that got my brain juices flowing :< luv u fr. ALSO both heeseung and reader are taking post grad course so of course, they're aged up ( no ages specified ) have fun reading.

I. BANE OF EXISTENCE

one thing about life— it’s unpredictable.

for example, you’re in the library writing and reading papers on the topic you love, the one that you’re supposed to enjoy and the one that will become the reason behind your earnings in the near future, but here you are, sitting with a headache and a cup of coffee on the side. who knew the subject you've liked since grade one will betray you and become the potential bane of your existence? not you, surely enough. wednesday noons are for basketball matches, which explains why the library and hallways are quieter and emptier than usual. even the teachers make time for the tournaments off their busy schedules, it’s understandable— your university is known for having one of the best sports teams in the league, and the basketball team being the defending champions does nothing but fuel the pride of students and staffs as if they’re the ones on the court, trying to get the ball in the basket.

you wouldn’t say you don’t like being a part of the crowd because you’ve been to the badminton tournaments and know that watching matches is as interesting as playing, if not more. you just don’t have the time to attend any. with assignments piling up and exams ‘round the corner, you’d rather spend your last two months of the semester studying instead of yelling at the bleachers. you can always get the recordings if you ever feel like watching one, as for the results, the word goes around faster in your department than anywhere else, all because of one of the students being on the team.

you try focusing, you really do, but your cup is just as empty as your brain and your phone is going up with notifications. you don’t see the point of miyeon spamming the gc with updates on the match when everyone in the group, except you, is with her, watching and cheering alongside. muting is a choice which you choose not to do, and the reason is between you and god, to be honest. long story short, it’s the lack of motivation clogging your thought process and the realisation that your friends are out there enjoying themselves unlike you is blocking any means of logical thinking. a day or two spent not studying wouldn’t make you fail the classes, and even if the guilt is pooling inside, you pack your stuff and walk out of the library, making your way to the indoor basketball court.

the screams grow louder as you approach, each step reminding you that you still can go back as you choose to ignore it. exams can wait, you tell yourself, a day to myself can’t. your mother would tell you to take breaks and go out instead of studying all day, but being on top is an addiction. it’s no good, you wish other students would believe you, it’s a struggle, on the top, at the bottom, everywhere. you expect to turn a few heads as soon as you walk inside, which doesn’t happen, but you expected it. you don’t watch matches, this could easily be your third or fourth one, and the first basketball match, to be more specific. once you realise that everyone is busy watching the plays instead of noticing who comes and goes from the court, you make your way up to the one friend you manage to spot amidst the crowd— sung hanbin. indoor bleachers feel more compact than the outdoor ones. you've been to the football match last semester, courtesy of miyeon, and everything being outdoors really helps with the crowd and noise.

“didn’t expect to see you here,” hanbin stands next to you, offering you a sip or two from his drink, which you politely refuse, eyes fixed on the court as if it was the home they’ve been searching for. “i thought you hate heeseung,” it isn’t until he takes his name that your gaze averts to heeseung. you don’t even know why hanbin would outright assume you’re here for heeseung. in fact, that man’s name didn’t even cross your mind until he was mentioned.

“hate is a big word, ‘bin,” your words are more of a whisper laced with hesitation, as if you aren’t sure of what you’re saying. hate, actually, is a very big and heavy word. despite its constant usage with your friends, you realise the weight it holds and the impact it has. hate and dislike— they’re different and yet similar enough to be used synonymously at times. not by you, of course, you have a clear distinction between the two, and as of now, you don’t know if what you feel for heeseung is a mere dislike or pure hatred. “i just don’t like him,”

when he successfully shoots a three-pointer, you come to the decision that you definitely don’t hate him. heeseung is, more or less, the typical all-rounder straight-A student, the jack of all trades and fortunately enough, the master of all as well. he's the student teachers use as an example, the son parents wish for, the boyfriend people wished they had. lee heeseung is many things, and one of those is being the reason why you have the second highest score in your department instead of the first position, unlike how it used to be two semesters ago.

heeseung transferred departments about thirty weeks ago, from chemistry to bioinformatics. it had been surprising on your side because not many opted for bioinformatics until they were certain of their goal. the course in itself is vast, like an ocean of several different fields and each and every one of them opens a door to a different outcome. bioinformatics isn’t something students picked overnight just because it had the vacancy and they didn’t like their initially chosen courses. as fun as the subject sounds, it demands consistency and time, something that heeseung lacks. you had seen him attend classes the first few weeks regularly, and then the ghost of him started sitting on the empty seat that belongs to him. skipping classes, arriving late, delayed submission of a couple of projects— you knew he wasn’t here to stay. it was to pass time, or whatever, you couldn’t care, didn’t care, not until he started acing the tests, practically dethroning you from your infamous ‘perfect all kill’ title that you had for getting nothing less than a perfect score, most of the time, give and take a few here and there.

you still get good scores, amazing even, full score in theory and the same in practicals. it’s going well in lab manuals and project works but heeseung seems to get a perfect score in those too, something you started missing ever since he came into the picture. perhaps, it was something in the way he phrased his essays— you hoped it was. rumour has it that heeseung used to be a literature student, which could explain his outstanding english skills and his eloquent way of speaking. you even looked up his debate videos on youtube only to find more evidence on how skilled he is in public speaking.

but above all, heeseung is, actually, just a really damn annoying student, quite literally the bane of your existence. he’s always set on stealing people’s spotlight during lessons, with you being the people, obviously, always answering questions with information that’s unrelated and probably even unnecessary. and for the shortest time, you even considered taking him off your ‘things i hate’ list because you were no different in highschool. when you’re the top student, it becomes a habit to talk about things as if you know them in your bones and impress teachers. hell, you even had rivals in highschool, although none of them got on your nerves the way heeseung does. basically, he has no reason to call you by weird names everytime you both pass each other in the hallways, or remind you that he’s the top student. ‘this is the vice-captain of the basketball team and the best student of the biotechnology department, lee heeseung, informing you on the up—’ seriously, no one wants to hear him introduce himself like that when you’re around. you’re pretty sure it’s engraved inside your brain with the amount of times he repeats it everyday. minjeong even says that heeseung is becoming more and more like sunghoon, and you would not know how or why because you didn’t attend highschool with sunghoon, unlike her.

the court flares up with cheers when heeseung goes for a dunk which ultimately leads to their team winning the match, and you reach the conclusion that maybe you don’t hate heeseung but actually want to bang his head against the walls. your eyes follow him around the court, analysing his conduct during the match, the way he communicates so effortlessly with teammates using hand signs or quick phrases, the way he holds the team together when the ball is with him, despite not being the captain. heeseung might be the most unbearable person you’ve met so far, he’s actually just fine when his target is not you. you’re sure any other player is doing just as good but nothing comes close to how you see heeseung. it’s different, the light he is in, it’s unique, incredible, and inexplicably addictive. heeseung juggles between classes and basketball, you remember sunghoon talking about his part-time job when you passed by their lockers the other day. he doesn’t have it easy, you don’t either, but you had those all perfect kills by spending hours in your study while heeseung does better than you while winning matches, making money.

it doesn’t take you long to realise that what you have for him could be dislike with a hint of jealousy, and you wonder if all the people would react the same way once they know who heeseung really is— a devil behind an angelic face, one who deliberately likes ruining things for you, as if his life depends on it. you still remember the day he personally texted you the wrong syllabus for a test, claiming that it had been updated and the professor had asked him to notify everyone. ‘and as you know, i have not been added in the group chat yet so i’m texting everyone personally,’ he had lied ever so smoothly as if his words consist of nothing but truth, as if lies are something he hasn’t even heard of. kudos to you for studying the original and correct syllabi beforehand, you still aced the test, if heeseung scoring the first rank is overlooked.

you’re dragged back from your thoughts to the reality when a boy bumps into you while hurrying down to the players, hoping to get noticed. half of the students act like the team is actually a boy-band, you can see them on the front page of every single edition of university magazine. usually, you prefer waiting for the crowd to disperse before taking your leave from wherever you are, but a sudden reminder about the tests over text from your professor gives you a reason to leave early, all to make sure you could catch up to heeseung. you rush your way out of the bleachers once the teams start leaving the court, eyes fixed on heeseung to take a note of the direction he leaves. hanbin gives you a confused look before the words find their way out of his mouth. “where are you going?”

“basketball shower room,” and your words could give him, and the other people who might’ve heard you, a wrong idea but you couldn’t care less. the goal was to see heeseung before he leaves the campus, which was highly likely because no one has it in them to attend four hours of classes after an exhausting match, not even heeseung, no matter how amazing he is.

you make your way through the ocean of people, bumping into a few in the process as you make your way to the club room. a silent profanity leaves your mouth once you realise that the club room entrance might be filled with fangirls and boys, left and right, and the thought of shuffling your way out of the crowd to meet heeseung makes you reconsider your actions. heeseung might be a star student but isn’t amazing enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and do things to see him.

“well, this is surprising,” your voice manages to turn his head towards the door. “thought you’d be busy with your fangirls, lee,” and it is surprising indeed because the hallways are unexpectedly empty with only a few people around. you would say they learnt to give the players their space after a game but that would be a lie considering the embarrassing history of students when it comes to people on the sports team.

“they’re probably busy with jake,” heeseung responds with a smile, and even though he turns to his locker just as quickly, you could see the smile dancing on the corner of his lips.

jake is rather a new player, a junior to be specific, and jay personally spent days waiting outside the physics department to get the guy on the basketball team. explains why he’s popular amidst students, he’s talented, good at studies— seriously, you wouldn’t understand how these people manage academics with sports. you couldn’t, and even if you managed to, you would end up passing out every few days. “does it suck to lose your fan-following to a newbie?”

“not really. i still have you here,” heeseung wouldn’t call it ‘losing’ his fan-following because he’s using jake as bait to escape the crowd of students as quickly as possible. a junior has to make sacrifices, in this case it’s to save heeseung by sacrificing himself to the public. although, saying that he still has you looking for him even though a hundred others aren’t makes him feel better about himself. “no but seriously, what did you come here for?”

“oh, it’s for the test on friday,” you pull out your phone, opening the group chat with the professor and the students who took the same course. it’s laughable how the universe put you in the exact same situation twice, although with the tables turned this time, and it takes everything in you to not tell him a made-up, wrong syllabi, and do what is rational. “the syllabi was extended up to chapter fourteen, till page three-ninety-seven. they sent it in the group chat this morning but i’m sure you hardly have time even to think about something else except basketball,”

you’ve known heeseung for two semesters but that’s for the people to say. the truth is, you don’t know him outside what he shows to everyone else. you see him come and go, spot him around the bar with his friends on weekends you pass by it. you know he skips classes and asks students for notes. it’s not necessarily from you, though you’d prefer if he would ask you since you’re the best student in the whole department, after him, as much as you hate to admit it. on some days, you see him in the library, earphones plugged in. if you manage to sneak a glance or two, you’d catch him watching the match recordings and taking notes, you wouldn’t know what notes someone could take from matches. in short, you don’t know heeseung more than how everyone knows him. coming to the shower rooms and notifying him about the test might just be a discreet attempt at striking up more conversations with him, but also, you’re just fine with him being the academic rival slash classmate that he is.

“yeah, semi-finals,” heeseung shuts his locker close, a sigh falling off his lips just like the water drops falling on his shoulder from the tips of his hair, after a shower. “doesn’t help that they’re at the same time as the quarterly assessments. thank you for telling me even though it means you’ll end up losing the first position to me once again,” and of course, the heeseung you know wouldn’t waste an opportunity to strike up a competition. it would be a lie if you claim to hate it because despite the sour look on your face, a part of you loves these little academic races with him. heeseung makes you strive to do better, he’s like the driving force you lacked which made college a whole lot better. after all, where’s the fun in getting a perfect score with the bare minimum effort, without some challenges knocking at your door?

“what can i do, i’m all about fair play,” there’s a subtle shade behind your words, reckoning to the multiple incidents of him ruining things for you. this could take a really nasty turn if you were to resort to his ways, except you won’t because you’re better than him. “good luck, and we’ll see who loses the first position to whom,”

heeseung wipes his hair before switching to texting on his phone, the smile still adorning his face like a jewel. you assume it’s the delight from winning a match, it’s obvious. his eyes couldn’t help but sparkle at every little achievement, always looking forward to something more, something challenging, that’s lee heeseung for you— someone who knows he has an easier way around things but would deliberately walk down another path and test his limits. shocking how it took you one basketball match to see the passion he has for things he’s interested in, that he’s more than a sport jock or a straight nerd, he’s more than someone who takes courses to pass time, more than someone who is just a show-off.

“heeseung,” the dislike, the hatred, the envy, it might all be a lie. “well played today,” because in the end, there’s a minimal possibility that you’re leaving the room with nothing but the slightest of admiration for the guy who is nothing but an obstacle between you and that first position in upcoming finals in two months.

and it would be a lie too to claim that your words didn’t catch heeseung by surprise.

II. RIVALRY, FEELINGS, ETCETERA.

it has been a little over one day since heeseung’s conversation with you outside the shower rooms, twenty-seven hours to be exact. twenty-seven hours of him hearing the same last words over and over again, twenty-seven hours of him failing all and any attempts at straight thinking and twenty-seven hours of him not thinking about anything except you. all of it ends up in three hours of practice and not one good shot from heeseung. the sighs and snickers from teammates fill the court every few seconds— truthfully, they never leave. heeseung is simply too lost to pay attention to them.

“heeseung, you good?” a pat on shoulder from jake and the words following soon after manage to pull him out of his spiral of thought, even if it’s for a brief second.

“he’s not, won’t be anytime soon,” sunghoon replies as if the answer was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be revealed. “yn came to watch the last match, after all,” there’s a smirk on sunghoon’s face, heeseung can tell it in the intonation of his words.

jay pauses just seconds before going for a layup, joining the conversation. “wait, she did?”

“yep, saw her standing next to that hanbin guy or something,”

“mate, you cannot be acting like this over a girl and that too, four days before finals,” this conversation, as a whole, is beyond jake’s comprehension. a part of the reason could be because he joined the team late, thus missing out on a huge chunk of internal jokes and gossip and goes amidst the players. and no amount of reasons can convince him into thinking that it’s fine to act out-of-character before important matches just because your crush showed up at one of your matches.

“she’s not just some random girl. she never attends matches, but she came to watch my match,” heeseung clarifies as if the reasons behind his antics are valid and acceptable. “you wouldn’t know how i feel right now,”

“you’re on cloud nine, we know, your crush gave you the attention you’ve been lacking but trust me, she would ignore you just as efficiently if she sees you perform like this,”

“she’s not a crush,” and despite it being a well known fact amongst the basketball team that heeseung has a thing or two for you, he always refuses to accept it. one can say it’s the pride thing. you barely even talk to him unless it’s about studies, and your conversations are mostly along the lines of who outdoes whom in tests and assessments. moreover, everyone knows heeseung is the reason why you’re the second best student in the department— as much as you hate to admit it, again— because he transferred and flipped your world, probably even dribbled around with it like a basketball. a word goes around every few days about you glaring at him in class, which is not true, you’re instead focusing your eyes on something in an attempt to think. he just happens to sit right in front of you and be the object of focus. heeseung might as well believe that you hate him, even though yesterday’s conversation was far from how people talk when they hate each other, and his assumptions could account for the constant words of denial that fall off his lips.

jay snickers before landing a hook successfully. “yeah, and i’m a pigeon,”

“oh, shut it, jay,” heeseung turns to look at the other boy. “she’s just someone i admire. have you read her essays? her papers? god, we’re a year away from graduation but she’s already writing mind-blowing papers, one of them was even published in the monthly issue of some magazine. she’s already on her best performance and still tries to do better, always down to guide juniors with lab work and also is on the research team for the paediatrics department at asan medical centre. all this, and she studies all day. if i were her, i’d pass out. i can’t go a day without entering the court,”

“and he says he doesn’t have a crush oh her,” sunghoon rolls his eyes, it’s like if he heard another line of excuses from heeseung, he could see the back of his skull and have a look at hs big, fat brain.

“because i don’t? you guys never had someone you admired so much that they practically became your role model despite being in the same year?” unlike other things that heeseung does, calling you his role model has a reason. first, it can give him a reason to talk to you. heeseung is almost convinced that you hate him, and if this persists, it would get harder and harder for him to approach you, but with the lie— half lie— of you being his role model and so wonderful that he couldn’t help but admire you from afar while trying to overcome his social anxiety gives him a reason to talk to you. plus, it sounds plausible, he doesn’t understand why his brother says it’s bound to fail.

the second reason and more to do with his friend group. no one in his friend circle is capable of keeping a secret— jay ends up spilling tea unconsciously, jake tells one person who he trust and that person turns out to be the most untrustworthy person ever, beomgyu, well he’s on the team but telling him would be like standing on a stage and announcing to the whole campus, and sunghoon, he’s the mother, he cannot digest food without disclosing secrets. even if it’s common knowledge that heeseung has a tiny crush on you, denying it in front of the whole campus everytime one of them brings it up helps him with his reputation and fortunately, ends up keeping it a secret. besides, he’d rather have people tease him for calling you his role model than having a crush on you.

“i surely don’t have someone i admire to the point i read all their papers and know each and everything they’ve volunteered for,” jay argues back, set on proving his point. “tell me what am i gonna do knowing that she’s on the paediatrics research team?”

“i think this is the most i’ve known about yn ever since classes started and that too, because of heeseung,” beomgyu chuckles, earning a side eye from heeseung in the process.

“enough, let’s get back to practice,” heeseung intervenes in an attempt to change the topic. he does not want his closest friends making fun of him for liking someone— it’s supposed to be human nature to have a crush.

“you get back to practice because you’re the only one fucking up because of your silly little crush. i’m done, jay, call me when we’re having a practice match because i need to attend theology or my professor would write me up,” taehyun passes the ball to sunghoon, the latter yelping in surprise at the sudden yet successful catch.

“i don’t have a crush—”

“of course, let’s get you back to practice,” jake cuts heeseung off mid sentence, moving back to take his position as sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung, who, as expected, misses the catch due to lack of concentration.

it’s going to be a long day for the team.

“a little birdie told me you went to see heeseung in the shower rooms?” are the words you hear as soon as your classes are dismissed, miyeon walking up to you and hanbin discussing the set of questions your professor distributed just a few minutes ago.

“i didn’t go into the shower rooms, i was outside, near the lockers,” and there’s a difference. to be in the shower room implies you were there in the shower, which definitely gives rise to several wrong ideas of different levels. specifically, you didn’t even enter the locker room. you were outside, leaning against the door, watching heeseung as he walked freshly out of the shower, a towel around his neck, you both strike up a small talk. yeah, that was the scene, not with you in the shower and whatever miyeon’s imagination leads to after that.

“so you did go!” she claps her hands together as if it’s a celebratory occasion, turning her head to look at the boy next to you. “what were you saying about yn not having a crush, habin?”

“it’s not a crush, miyeon,” and it’s true— heeseung is not a crush. he’s a classmate, a rival, an over-qualified and impossibly competitive student, someone you would want to take your time to study. “what, i can’t even go to tell a classmate about the updated syllabus for a test now? i would’ve done that for anyone, not just heeseung,”

hanbin sighs, packing his bag. “sure, but he’s in the groupchat. he could’ve checked it himself,”

“um, i doubt that,” you’re preparing a powerpoint in your head, multiple slides on why you needed to do what you did. “he’s busy with basketball and i know how he gets when the matches are around the corner. don’t you remember how he skipped two weeks of classes straight because of matches last semester? and it’s the finals this time, i don’t think he even opens texts about anything that’s not basketball. i mean, he responded to my messages six days later because he was busy with practice,”

you say it like you’ve known heeseung for a decade and have been through the ups and downs with him. you wouldn’t care about who does what in the classes, if it’s a paper plane flying right over you, landing just second to the first row of seats or if it’s someone being brave enough and playing music during lectures. biology, in your opinion, is a subject for those who are serious about doing something unique while staying in the academic field. you don’t encounter troublemakers often, once a blue moon if the heavens make a mistake. on other days, it’s quieter than a library, emptier than cemeteries at night.

to think your life as a biotechnology major got interesting after heeseung switched majors is astonishing and equally debatable.

“i don’t see why i should remember all that about ‘just a classmate’ but thanks for telling,” and before you know it, hanbin and miyeon are out of the class, on their way to wherever their next stop is. seriously, they’re having it easier than you. they go to games, movies, drink on weekends— something you haven’t had a taste on ever since the year started. somewhere, you could be blamed for your hectic schedules. studies, lab work, and thesis, they suffice for all the stress a student in post graduation studies can handle. volunteering and writing papers is on you, things wouldn’t have been arduous if you had decided to move slowly, one step at a time. sometimes, the hunger for more leaves you starving— quite literally.

you spend an hour or so in the classroom along with a few other students, going through the same old routine of yours— watch videos, take notes, transfer them to your document in your own words and make it sound as innovative and convincing as possible. heeseung would be better at this than you. you’re exhausted to the point that accepting your defeat to him doesn’t even faze you anymore. he used to be a literature student, had english as a side course as an undergrad, he’s bound to be better than making essays sound they came right out of shakespeare's drafts, phrases and metaphors that would put fitzgerald to shame.

you didn’t care about what went down in your classes until heeseung came along. call it craziness or the weird impression you have of students in your field, heeseung is far from the typical biotechnology student aiming for a postgraduate degree. he skips classes, plays basketball as if studies are a side business, and yet still manages to ace every test like an all-rounder. he shouldn’t even be in classroom, he should be in the labs, being the most important subject of studies. there are days you think of him as a social experiment— how quickly can a robot piss off a straight-A student with its impeccable skills— of course, the subjects wouldn’t know it’s a robot but you do, you’re almost convinced he is one. there’s no way he’s the top student with the amount of effort he puts in. one would claim that he studies after classes, at home slash dorms, but you can bet your life he doesn’t. there have been numerous instances when you’ve spotted him in the background of someone’s picture at a bar. he’s always with people, he has a humongous friend group, god knows how someone can live like that. at first, you were convinced he isn’t real, as worrisome as it sounds, and if he is real then he needs to be studied.

which leads to what you’re doing right now— making your way to the basketball court. you don’t know how or why you’re doing it. you started with your studies, ended up thinking about heeseung, and now you’re on your way to the basketball court. although, it’s not half a bad idea, now that you think about it once again.

your mind goes all the way back to when you watched him play for the first time, which was just a day ago actually. you don’t know anything about basketball, you don’t know much about heeseung either, but there’s one thing you’re sure of— heeseung is class and heeseung on the court, they’re different. you’ve noticed the way he clicks his pen relentlessly out of nervousness when he can’t solve a question, the way his back tenses up for a fraction of a second as soon as he’s asked to explain something. you’ve seen the hints of fear in his eyes when he asked you for notes last semester just three days before exams, scared that he would fail. heeseung isn’t sure of a lot of things and basketball isn’t one of those.

“you’re not practising?” you ask him when you swim out of your thoughts, watching him climb up the bleachers and sit next to you. the court seems much better when it’s empty, free from the loud cheers of spectators, but that could be just you.

“i was, as you see, but i saw you up here and thought it was time for a break,” you could see his teammates shake heads at him in disappointment, proceeding to continue with their practice. “what’s up?”

you don’t respond to him and instead, take your time watching the others practise their shots. you watch the way one of them, who you think is taehyun, goes for a dunk, credits to hanbin for telling you names for a few shots. next to you, heeseung shouts out a tip or two for the boy for him to have an easier and effective approach at the said move. heeseung is good at dunks, you’ve heard it from students, you’ve seen it in the last match as well. just one shot was enough to tell you how good he is at it, it’s like basketball flows in his veins, like he can close his eyes and still manage to get a basket.

your eyes ghost up the court and shift to him— there’s a content smile on his face, a relaxed posture as if there’s nothing for him to worry about. he takes a sip from his energy drink, you wonder if he, or anyone from the team, even gets time to have their meals. the expression on his face, it’s something you’ve never seen on him during lessons. it takes you back to the match, how he looked on court a day before, certain of every move he made, every step, every breath, without doubts, no second thoughts. you’ve done enough lab projects with heeseung to know how his hands shake when he’s preparing a slide or extracting a sample from a centrifuge, afraid that one wrong move and he would mess up the efforts of everyone in the group. that hesitation is nowhere to be seen on the court, gone like it has never existed. as if lee heeseung, the star student and player, has never had an encounter with nervousness and hesitation in his life. there’s a thin line between studies and sport for him, you finally realise it after much consideration. maybe, you’re going beyond your boundaries and making assumptions about a guy you barely know, even if you would never voice all these thoughts to him, you think you know the reason why there’s a different him on the stage when the ball is in hands.

“how did you realise that you like basketball? you know, like it enough to devote so much of your time and have it alongside studies?” because even if biotech is something he’s studying and wants to make a career in, you guess that it’s just a source of satisfaction. in your eyes, through your perception, basketball is what makes him truly happy.

you don’t know why someone wouldn’t pick satisfaction over happiness, especially when it’s coming with its hands full of opportunities to grab that bag.

“eh, i don’t have a sob story about it, if that is what you’re hoping for,” he chugs down the contents of the can before crushing it to the slightest, eyes squinting at the opposite wall before they move back to meet yours. “i never had to sit and think about basketball and studies, you know, as in how am i going to manage both of them. it just happened. i started playing basketball in middle school and it has been with me ever since,”

heeseung’s side of the story is simple— a mediocre guy who was introduced to sports by his older brother and now, it’s one of the most important things in his life. middle school heeseung preferred staying in and playing video games instead of going out. in fact, middle school heeseung resembles you in all the ways that make him different from you right now. he has been good at learning and remembering things, he takes liking to things quicker than others do. basketball was like for him— easy, quick, fun, like a way to release all the stress after a long day at school. in heeseung’s story, there isn’t a main character who helped him choose the path he’s walking right now. instead, all he had was his family who introduced him to the various aspects and opportunities, and he simply ended up joining hands with the ones he liked, deciding to not let it go before the dead end.

“i want to have that passion for things,” a soft laughter falls off your lips, it’s an attempt to make your sob story look less pitiful. “i used to paint and play piano— but painting, mostly, was really good at it. i learnt how to draw before i learnt how to tie my shoelaces. i couldn’t go a day without painting, but then highschool happened, i had pressure to do well, expectations from friends and family, had a dream outside painting, and now, i haven’t painted in years,”

unlike heeseung, art started as more than just a side business to you. it’s not something you were introduced to in the middle of your life but rather is something you grew up with. you can blame or credit your mother for making paintings and having them in almost every corner of your house. it’s one of the reasons why at five years old you were beyond fascinated at all the patterns and colours. no one would’ve guessed that science would manage to sweep you off your feet right from the first grade, given the way your hands danced a duet to their own melody along with a paintbrush, as if each stroke has a conscious life of its own. no one would’ve guessed that your mother would tell you to stop painting and focus on studies, neither would they have known that she would become the reason why you no longer feel the same way about art. as stated before, life is unpredictable— because no one would’ve guessed that sitting here on the bleachers with heeseung and sharing a piece of your life would water the seeds of doubts in your heart, the ones that bloom at the sight of him.

he thinks your story is sad— with all due respect, without sarcasm, of course. it’s the best he can say. “i think it’s more of a ‘connection’ thing. you think you’ve lost the connection but you simply need to pickup a canvas and some colours to relink, if you get me,” because heeseung has had somewhat of a same experience, with music, and sitting front of a piano to play one of sibelius’ symphonies after senior year highschool finals was all it took him to find his lost interest in music. even though it’s nothing more than just a hobby, even if it's just something he considers as a way to pass time, heeseung knows how it feels to let go of something that is an integral part of one’s life.

“it has always been about timing, heeseung,” you shake your head, trying to prove him wrong using your own arguments. “you think i haven’t tried painting again? i still have art supplies stacked up in my cupboard. it’s all about timing. when you like something, you only get a few chances to make sure it stays with you for a lifetime. how many people do you know who have given up on their hobbies because they claim to have lost interest? the thing is, the interest is still there, it’s the inability and fear of not being able to do it again. if you timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life,”

a pause. he sits still, eyes admiring your face while his mind is busy replaying your words in the back of his head. heeseung wonders how valid they are when it comes to people. he likes you, despite the constant denial which is only for show, by the way. it doesn’t take a scientist to read him. reading him isn’t even close to rocket science, he doesn’t understand how you haven’t caught up even after being incredibly smart. he has seen you hang out with hanbin— heeseung hates that guy, by the way. there’s no solid logic, it’s just that hanbin seems to be around you all the time and heeseung thinks of him as a leech sucking blood off its host. heeseung would never admit but it’s just his jealousy playing tricks on him, and even though it doesn’t look like you have any romantic feelings towards that guy, it would be fucking embarrassing for heeseung lose you to a guy who isn’t even half as qualified as him. ( yes, he is judging characters based on academic qualifications, no heeseung wouldn’t explain why )

“i like you,” and so, he lets his feelings win for once, deciding to let his heart take control instead, closing doors to any room for rational thinking like it never existed. “you said it was about timing, about trying hard enough and having only a few chances, perhaps, just one bullet, and i’m shooting my shot right now. i don’t want to remember you as a closed chapter of my life,”

it would be such a waste of chemistry if you end up becoming just a closed chapter of his life. heeseung has done his research, more like reading tons of books and watching hundreds of movies to understand the potential that two academic rivals have. no one knows this, not even his closest friends, but heeseung’s favourite genre might simply be enemies to lovers and living that trope doesn’t sound as bad when it’s with you. he has spent hours thinking about the number of productive library dates you could have, working on projects together and brainstorming about the next biggest revolution in the RDT world, changing the public’s outlook at genetics forever. it sounds stupid and makes him sound even stupider, even as a lost cause, but heeseung doesn’t care. in his mind, it’s the best date someone could have. to live and become successful together, it sounds like a perfect plan to him.

truthfully, you have always been a part of heeseung’s future, near or distant. he always always pictures you in his life, standing next to him during graduation, bidding goodbyes at farewell, exchanging shy greetings at reunions ten years later while reminiscing about everything he did to irritate you, that would sound embarrassing a decade later. your presence will always be significant to him, he just hopes to remember you as something more than just a rival, just a classmate he never really got to know, just a person he spent his two years hating upon, just a crush he didn’t get to confess to.

the catch— heeseung has already started picturing his future and you are not even sure of your present— and while he is looking at you for an answer, you’re lost inside your head, looking for words to articulate.

heeseung is someone you planned to stay away from for the rest of your university life. him stepping into your life already costs you a lot, namely: dropping in ranks and losing your infamous title. his actions cost you the time you could use to study, which is actually upon you because you can simply ignore him instead of spending hours on thinking about his hows, whens and whats. heeseung was supposed to be the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, but beyond rivalry, feelings, etcetera. you knew the way you felt about him, even though you couldn’t be as certain as him, or even to claim you see him the same way he feels about you.

turns out, heeseung has always been sure of certain things in his life.

“heeseung, i’m—”

“not sure? busy? stressed? i know you have a lot of things going on right now. take your time, study for the finals, finish your papers, sort out your own issues and then come back to me. i’ll be waiting,” it’s like he’s not only good at studying but also at reading minds, because heeseung seems to have guessed a part of exactly what you’ve been thinking. call it timing, jay calls him to get back to practice just a few seconds later— a perfect excuse to leave. “looks like my break is over,”

you sit speechless, watching him walk away like an opportunity that just walked out of your hand. it feels like a slight defeat, like a test you failed when you could've scored better, if not a full score. it's funny because this wasn't a competition, you weren't rejected, more like you rejected him, but it still feels like he has the upper hand. it's funny and equally annoying because heeseung is supposed to be nothing more than just a nobody, somebody you aren't even supposed to spare two thoughts on, but here you are sitting with the guy with your feelings all over the place.

“heeseung,” you stand up, your voice making him turn to look at you, both of you ignoring the sight of his teammates standing motionless in their positions, too stunned at your voice reverberating in the almost empty court. “let’s do this: if you manage to stand first in the finals, i’ll date you,”

a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition. his lips morph into a smirk, the ones he'd pass you before tests, an open challenge offered directly to you. “and if i don’t?”

and you mirror the same smirk back at him, you weren't going to back off simply because it's about the person you possibly have a crush on. “i become just a closed chapter of your life,”

let the game begin.

III. LIAR AND THE LOVER

despite heeseung’s sudden confession, you’re doing quite well, taking it better than expected. you had your moment of confusion back when the words of proposal fell off his lips— anyone would. after all, it’s lee heeseung we’re talking about. you can only imagine the saddened faces of his fangirls once they hear about him confessing to you.

“jay told me you made a bet with heeseung?” hanbin’s question catches your attention as soon as he steps into the cafe, managing to turn a few heads towards you in the process.

“you know jay?”

he sits next to you, pulling out his laptop in a hurry. you can guess it’s because of his essay that’s due before six in the evening, one he could’ve written last night instead of getting wasted at his friend’s birthday gathering. “we share history, also, that’s not the answer to my question,”

“it’s not a bet, ‘bin,” your words aren’t half wrong. “just a silly game, y’know? i didn’t even expect him to agree,” frankly, even you don’t know why or how you came up with such a bizarre idea in broad daylight. usually, people get bouts of excitement or embarrassment while confessing or being confessed to, but in your case, you jumped over the fence and made a proposal that you have only seen in fiction.

“nah, no way you’re setting up your whole love life for failure and calling it a silly game,” the disappointment is evident in hanbin’s voice as his fingers danced over his keyboard, typing with a speed that could leave the trains behind. well, people tend to get like that when you have an assignment due and the deadline is just a few hours to go. you guess that he’s too busy to even listen to your reasoning, which is appreciated considering you have no reasoning as for why you did what you did.

“you made a bet with heeseung,” you turn your head around, making the boy next to you do the same in the process. it’s miyeon— you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. your actions have consequences, as always, and one of them is dealing with her non-stop interrogation as if you’re the prime suspect for some gruesome crime and every question answered wrong opens gates to capital punishment. sometimes, you wonder why she didn’t go with studying law instead.

“how do you know?”

“everyone knows, yn. it’s all they’ve been talking about,” she sighs, sitting opposite to you while taking a look at hanbin’s laptop. “even the football fanatics are talking about attending the game, god, hanbin we better hurry that day or we’re not getting a seat,” you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. miyeon might not be the most social person, but she definitely is the most updated. nothing escapes her, every tiny incident reaches her ears one way or another, and if not, then she just finds out about it using her sources, given you don’t know about her sources. it’s one of the reasons why you’re almost convinced that she runs a shady side business alongside her career in bioengineering.

you take a sharp breath, going through the bunch of papers arranged in your file. “it’s not that serious. he confessed to me and i said i’d date him if he manages to secure the first position in the finals as well,”

“you did that knowing he hasn’t been studying because of games while you’re studying like your life depends on it? there’s no way he’s going to be first, and everything aside, it was a wrong fucking move to play with his feelings,” play with his feelings— a pause, you don’t like how it sounds. you’re not playing with his feelings, that’s far from what you’re doing. it’s a game, a competition, new to your friends but you and heeseung have always been familiar with it. there’s an unspoken rule to test each other’s limits. the last time you and heeseung did something like this, it resulted with you writing ‘lee heeseung is smarter than ln yn,’ in bold on a sheet of paper and putting it on the notice board for the whole campus to see. in your eyes, it's history repeating itself yet again. sure, there is something else at stake, but the rules are the same, and you don’t know why your friends are acting like you’ve done something terribly unethical.

“no one’s playing with his feelings, miyeon, and i know for a fact he’s making time to study for finals,” you clarify your side, slight annoyance evident in your voice. “besides, it doesn’t matter. it’s not like this is serious, i only did this to buy time to figure out my feelings while the game gives me a reason to study and not get distracted. you know how i get when i lose focus,”

that could be the reasoning behind your actions, of course. even while sitting in a cafe with your friends and having a conversation that is about to make your blood boil, you’re thinking of heeseung in the back of your head. his words play over and over again like a broken record player, the image of him on court or studying pops up in your mind every now and then. obsession is a disease and you have it bad. it’s crazy to be thinking about someone so much without being absolutely floored for them.

“so you’ll date him despite the outcome?” hanbin drags you out of the well of your thoughts, a question that leaves miyeon flabbergasted.

“if i manage to figure out my feelings then of course,” a chuckle falls off your lips. “i’m telling you guys, it’s not that serious. i’m sure he knows it too,” and you’re really confident about this— it usually never ends on a good note.

“and if he doesn’t? what if it’s serious for him? yn, you never know how one thing might affect someone, and feelings are not something to gamble on. you should’ve told him you need some time to think instead of giving him a false hope or whatsoever,” it’s now that you start having second thoughts. the next two hours go by amidst silence, a few small talks blooming here and there, but dissolving just as quickly within the ticking clock of deadlines for assignments and exams.

it doesn’t take a scientist to know when miyeon is upset, for she isn’t the best at masking her emotions. through the sneaky glances at her that you’ve stolen over time, you can tell she’d rather spend the evening in silence than talk to you, which is a challenge with herself because she’s really talkative. it takes two to sing a duet, two to play and game, two people to make a relationship work. heeseung and you— the two of you are enough to make decisions for yourselves, decide what’s right and wrong and, something about miyeon questioning your choices doesn’t sit right with you.

too many cooks spoil the broth, it’s the principle of your life, the words you’ve been following to this date. it was your decision to have a few friends instead of a fifty— quality over quantity, as one might call it— and there has never been a moment when you regretted having a handful of people to call friends. instead of consulting too many people about your major in university, you simply went with what your parents and homeroom teacher suggested. life has been good so far. the more the better is something that isn’t applicable in your case. instead of telling everyone about your dilemma regarding heeseung, you decided to keep it to yourself, eventually opening up to heeseung when the time comes. you’re doing just fine on your own, it doesn’t make sense to you why a third person’s opinion is making you doubt your decision making abilities that you’ve been so proud of.

this is not a gamble, you tell yourself, it’s a fair play. you gave him options, he made the choice, it’s consensual. you didn’t force him into this game, he didn’t pressure you to respond, it’s a harmless competition that’s bound to have a positive outcome. you even spend a good fifteen minutes wondering if you should go back to heeseung and take it all back in case he finds it insensitive to put his feelings on the line. doing it in person seemed impossible so you resorted to texts, typing and deleting your message before giving up altogether. in your head, this was an okay decision. a sweet confession, a person with unsure feelings, a harmless competition.

you hope it doesn’t backfire ten times worse.

three days later, you find yourself on the way to basketball club rooms once again. you checked the court, it was empty, and your only option was to check the club slash locker rooms if you wanted to see heeseung. okay, first things first, you don’t miss him— maybe a little, but it’s because you miss hearing his weird ass answers in class even though they’re right. heeseung just has an unique approach to things, in other words he simply knows how to buy time and go in detail about things he’s an expert at to impress the professors. however, that doesn’t seem to be the case for him because he has approached you six times in the past three days, asking if you’re free to hangout.

you like to think he misses you or that his requests were because he wanted to make sure you don’t study and lose to him, either could be true. knowing heeseung, he’s capable of going both ways. whatever may be the reason, you turned him down all six times, and it’s not because you have something against him— of course, you don’t. that’s common knowledge by now— your reason for not hanging out with him is studies, as expected of you honestly. the bet aside, you had way too many chapters to learn before exams and all heeseung ever does is take up your headspace everytime you sit down with your books spread open. avoiding him in thoughts wasn’t possible so avoiding him in person was your last straw.

which leads to the present : you rushing to heeseung, again, not because you miss him but because you need his help, though one of the reasons could be that you feel bad for turning him down six times. you can hear muffled laughter from a distance as you approach the club rooms, a bang against one of the lockers, a loud profanity that follows afterwards. their humour is beyond your level of understanding.

“heese— oh, um—” you greet and turn away just as quickly when you realise that one of them is shirtless. it’s obviously heeseung, you can’t mistake his face for someone else. and you’re guessing he’s the last one to come out of shower because everyone else is dressed, maybe he’s someone who likes to take his time showering— you seriously need to stop thinking before your imagination goes bonkers. “sorry, can you come outside for a second when you’re ready?”

another round of laughter follows, more like teasing remarks because you can swear you heard a few of them refer to you as his girlfriend, and it gets you a little flustered, you won’t lie. you even hear one of them yell ‘ooh, get it, heeseung,�� as heeseung walks out, fixing his t-shirt, responding back with his middle finger up at whoever made the comment.

“hi,” his voice isn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes fluttering between you, the floor, and his teammates who pretend to not look when you peek inside. there’s a soft smile on his face— it’s cute, you think, and then rethink what you just thought. heeseung is, well, not cute— usually. he’s good-looking, handsome, hot, sexy, even, since you’re on the topic of finding adverbs that suit heeseung. cute is rarely one of them, you don’t think you’ve seen him as flustered as he is right now— rubbing his nape, a tint of pink on his cheeks, avoiding eye-contact— that’s far from the heeseung you’ve been seeing for past two semesters.

“hi, can you send me the pdf of the extra set of questions that prof sent last week? i think i accidentally deleted it while clearing up my storage,” you get straight to the point, trying not to waste much of your precious time. “i could’ve texted you but figured you’d be too busy with practice to check messages,” you remember what happened last time; he took six days to reply to your texts. you’re quite a patient person otherwise but in this case, you’re in dire need of questions to practise for tomorrow’s mock.

“ah, sure, give me a minute,” and he pulls out his phone, scrolling through an ocean of files and documents to look for the one you need. you do think he’s gorgeous though, it’s a well known fact that he’s stunning, but you think this look of heeseung surpasses the other ones quite easily— hairs wet after shower, partially covering his forehead, a white t-shirt that’s slightly wet near the shoulders because of the water dripping down— you wish he’d at least dry his hair before catching a cold. “actually, i would have replied to your texts if you had— oh, yes, there you go. do you want me to email it to you or…?”

“oh, just texts would be fine, thank you,”

“done,” a pause, you feel his eyes on you as you go through the pdf to take a brief look at the contents. “do you want to go for a walk? or are you getting back to studies?” at this point, you’re sure that question is a way to tease you about your obsession with studies. heeseung may think you’re overdoing it because you want to win, but it’s no more than the normal amount of hours you spend studying. he never paid you any attention to care about that.

“no, i’m done for today, actually,” and that’s a big fat lie considering you were planning to solve some questions and revise two chapters before leaving the campus, but it’s fine. you feel bad for rejecting him six times either way.

never in your life did you imagine that you’d be going on a walk with heeseung. it’s nothing serious, you just didn’t think there would be a day where you two would have normal people conversation while doing normal people activities instead of trying to disparage each other based on grades and academic performances. to think about it now, heeseung isn’t half bad, it was all in your head. it’s not like you had vile assumptions about him, you did find him annoying and way too prideful— anyone like him would be, actually, and heeseung is still quite humble about his achievements because if it was someone else, they sure would have made it everyone’s problem.

actually, heeseung is insufferable as well. you remember your first encounter with him, first and so far, the worst— in the laboratory. you and heeseung sat next to each other and when the professor asked him to briefly explain his experiment, you realised it’s oddly similar to yours. you had accused him of cheating, like any sane person would, which led to him getting two scores less than a perfect. he only lost one score because of you, actually, and that too because you were professor’s favourite and heeseung was new to the department. the other score, you don’t know where he missed, but that incident led to heeseung deleting your powerpoint thirty minutes before your presentation, which led you stealing his notes and selling it some junior through an undercover twitter account, which led to the professor asking you to help him with notes before exams, and everything ultimately led to the realisation that heeseung is actually quite decent if you behave with decency as well. the give and take is serious for him, because he gave you notes and so, you had to take his offer of going on a walk. even though it seemed like you had a choice, a part of you knew it was a mirage. you would’ve ended up on a walk with heeseung one way or another.

“i come here whenever i’m tired or just not feeling well,” he says and you wake up from your daydream of memories you shared with heeseung. the way he phrases his words makes it sound like he has brought you to one of his most secret locations, one that no one knows except taehyun, probably, considering they’re close friends, but in reality, it’s the playground you pass by every single day on your way from your apartment to university.

“oh, are you okay? are you nervous for tomorrow’s match?” you continue, deciding you shouldn’t ruin his favourite place for him. honestly, no one would’ve guessed that lee heeseung would come to a children’s park on bad days.

“actually, this walk was for you, you looked like you’d pass out if you spent another hour in front of books,” and you’re done, standing speechless with your eyes wide open at his words that he says with a victorious smile on his face. “you should start taking breaks, yn. it’s not a bad thing to go home earlier when you’re tired,”

he’s right, oh, you know he’s absolutely right about everything he just said, from passing out to going home. a part of him probably even feels glad to have you out on his little walk with him, you’re getting your well deserved rest, thanks to him. heeseung might even ask if he can walk you home considering you’re ‘done for today,’ which is very thoughtful of him— but what does this make you? a liar? miyeon was right, you’re gambling, even though it’s not that serious. so far, you’ve lied about being done with your studies and the bet you made with heeseung because at this point, it’s more like a prank, except it’s not funny and that it might end up with him getting upset with you because tomorrow is basketball tournament’s finals and you’re here wasting his time, all because you lied.

a liar and a lover, on a date at children’s park— match made in theatre club, you’d say.

“are you sure this is not your way to manipulate into not studying and losing to you, just so you can date me?” you try to play it cool, knowing very well that it can be one of his tricks or whatsoever. after all, it’s the same heeseung who made you trip in front of your class just three days after being transferred.

“i was being genuine but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” of course, it doesn’t. he gets to win, after all. “can i walk you home?” just as you had guessed.

“i would love to go home but my bag is still in the library,” you had considered taking it with you, actually, but dismissed the thought once you realised you had to come back to the library and continue with your studies. albeit, you’re not studying, that’s on you for lying into oblivion and giving into his requests.

once again, you two are back to walking, this time back to the university campus. it’s nice, having a walk with heeseung, it’s sweet, slow, comforting, like slow music flowing around and engulfing you in its arms. the unsaid words are weighing on your shoulders, you can feel the pressure, but it’s not awkward. above the busy hustle of the city and blaring horns, it’s a quiet world with heeseung, it’s nice, like a warm hug after a long day. you didn’t think you had it in yourself to spend a minute next to him without overthinking and possibly starting a banter. you didn’t think heeseung had it in him either, to make a walk feel so close to home.

“so, how are you coping knowing you’re going to lose once again?” and, it’s back again. everything is a hoax actually— his looks? a trap. his smile? a trap. it’s all a facade because once he opens his mouth, nothing but horseshit comes out of it.

“very well, in fact, because i know i’m the one getting that first spot this time,” call it overconfidence but you really do think you’ll get your title back this time. you’ve been studying well and hard enough, solving questions and going through every extra set of notes and exercises your professor sent. although, you would claim to beat heeseung had you been prepared or not because it’s fun messing with him.

“i’d rather have you show some mercy, in that case,” before you know it, you’re already standing in front of the library. “academic defeat and a heartbreak, it already sounds painful. i hope you go easy on me,” it’s sarcastic, of course, all these saccharine words of confessions made you forget how he is under the layers of smiles and winks that adorn his face. a session full of silence follows, the comforting tranquillity morphing into something tensed as he steps closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as your mind dysfunctions— it’s the effect he has.

“heeseung,” you put a finger on his lips— the only thing between him and you, the only thing helping you stay sane and composed at the moment, because only you know the struggle of pulling yourself together while standing inches away from heeseung as he grabs your wrist and plants a soft kiss on your finger before removing it from his lips.

“why, that’s unfair. you get to see me anytime you want while i have to wait because you’re busy studying, you even get to see me shirtless, and i can’t even get a kiss?” and you hate the look in his eyes, you hate how close he is standing and how it makes your heart go crazy. this isn’t even the beginning and you hate how you feel like you’ve already lost, and you hate how confident he is with every breath he breathes against your lips. “just kidding, see you tomorrow,”

and you hate how this is where you realise that you’ve fallen deep, and you’ve fallen hard.

IV. PLANET TO A SUN

heeseung has been thinking about the walk for an hour and twenty-seven minutes— actually more, ever since the moment he got home last night, but that is how long he has been practising for, eyes on the ball but mind revolving around you like a planet to a sun. you had texted him about a rule this morning— no kissing before finals. actually no kissing before we start dating, lee— your exact words. they have been holding him back from thinking straight, even made him practise an apology while looking in the mirror if in case his actions offended you in any way. lost in thought, heeseung manages to get another shot in. that’s twenty-third in a row ever since he stepped on the court, which is unbelievable, even for him.

“is it just me or did heeseung’s performance improve overnight?” jake looks up at jay, fastening his shoelace, a chuckle escaping his lips that goes unnoticed.

the latter offers a hand to jake, helping him stand as they share a laugh before jay passes him the ball. “well, of course it will. he has to impress his girlfriend today at finals,”

“she’s not my girlfriend,” heeseung grunts almost as if hearing you and the word girlfriend in the same sentences cuts ten years from his lifespan. he knows it doesn’t, he’d kill to call you his’. the reason behind his edgy behaviour is your text and the weird rule you’ve inserted in an already weird bet— it’s not like he minds it, the bet, obviously. heeseung definitely minds not getting to kiss you for the next few weeks.

“yet,” jay clarifies, emphasising enough for the world to understand that his words are supposed to be in italics. “she will be if you score more than her in finals, which i don’t think is possible because unlike you, she has been studying all day everyday. i don’t know how she’s still alive,” and jay isn’t half bad student himself. juniors in business have his name residing on the tips of their tongues. he simply thinks you’re a freak for being in no clubs and not participating in anything that doesn’t involve studying.

“she’s the top student for a reason,” jake adds.

“i am the top student,” and hearing his friends call you the top students hurts heeseung’s ego a little bit. crushes aside, you’re his rival before his girlfriend, and you’re not even his girlfriend. you’re basically just a rival. “also, it’s not hard to study all day if you’re used to it,”

and jay scoffs in disbelief. “right, you would know something about it, lee i can’t go a day without playing basketball heeseung,”

“hey, everyone,” your voice reverberating in the court is what stops heeseung from responding to jay with a snarky remark. “just wanted to wish you all goodluck. i really hope you guys win the tournament or else, it’s going to be hard for heeseung to deal with two loses after i beat him in finals as well,”

heeseung rolls his eyes in disbelief, you hear taehyun exclaim that he has been team yn since the very first day, a claim that few others proceed to back up, especially sunghoon, with his own lore of how he prays everyday for you to win the bet with heeseung. you’re honoured to receive such support, to some extent. a part of you still wishes for the whole thing to be a secret restricted to just heeseung and you but again, it was your fault for placing bets in court, in front of the entirety of the basketball team to witness, even their coach.

“you’re a little too confident, don’t you think so?” he smirks, taking a few steps towards you with the ball supported between his arms and torso. “let me know where you’d like to go for our first date,” and it turns out heeseung is just as confident about winning the bet as you, perhaps even more. you are not surprised, being defending champions does that to people, or so you believe.

“mhm, let’s have you score a date first, lee,” you would have loved to talk more but decide to bid your goodbyes as soon as hanbin’s message pops up on your phone, the little scowl on heeseung’s face going unnoticed the moment he sees his name on your phone screen. heeseung would never in his wildest dream confess to being jealous— it doesn’t even make sense for him to be jealous of hanbin because he confessed to you, and you seem to like him back. his worries are pointless just like the useless art projects his art teacher used to assign in middle school.

your fingers dance on the keyboard of your phone as you reply to hanbin, the subtle taps synchronous with your steps with you rushing across the quadrangle, taking the nearest flight of stairs to the library. you wanted to spend the day at your apartment since classes are suspended for the rest of the day on account of the match. however, hanbin managed to convince you into coming to the library to help him with a few assignments here and there. you’re not opposed to studying on days-off, in fact you think it’s better since you get all twenty-four hours to yourself instead of investing any of it in classes. the match gave you an excuse to call in for a break, or an excuse to take your time choosing the outfits as if you’re the main character on such a big day.

the librarian gestures to you to slow down the moment you almost avoid slipping on the tiled floor, in the process of holding the door frame to stop yourself, an embarrassed apology makes its way from you to her as you spot hanbin in the further corner with his airpods plugged in. your first instinct is to scare him from behind but the thought leaves your mind as soon as you remember that you’re in a library, and getting kicked out on a day that has been treating you well so far doesn’t sound so smart.

so, you settle with approaching normal, instead of pulling random stunts, pulling out the chair opposite to him quietly to not make any sounds, mumbling a soft ‘hi’ as he takes out one of his airpods. “where’s miyeon?”

“sick, she’s skipping today’s match as well,” hanbin replies, eyes fixed on the notes he's copying from the laptop to loose sheets of paper, before looking up at you with another question on the tip of his tongue. “are you two still not talking?”

“we did, none of us brought up what happened that day, though,” you shrug as if it doesn't bother you anymore, as if you don't want it to bother you more than it already does.

miyeon and you have known each other since university, she was a senior in undergrad course who was forced by financial circumstances to skip one academic year, thus rejoining in third year along with you and hanbin. seeing her was less frequent while she was still a senior, although you're not sure if you've spent more than three days away from her ever since postgrad school started. a heavy tension masks all your conversations with her, over texts or in person, and even though you're trying to act like the small talks with her don't hurt you, a part of you is starting to miss the best friend you used to talk to all night, about wasted matters and sharing useless gossip.

silence fills in for the lack of words between you and hanbin and you allow it to do so, deciding not to disturb the decorum of the library anymore. you scroll through your phone mindlessly, there’s nothing to look at except people going crazy about the evening's match. you even manage to stumble upon a thread of arguments featuring students of your university and the one the team is going against. it’s all empty threats, seriously, ‘kys’ and ‘ur mom’s in my bed’ aren’t even insults at this point. they’re funny, sometimes, but you’ll never understand why or how they ended up being insults. ( honestly, you don’t see the potential )

“are you serious about heeseung?” a crack in the ice, hanbin's question catches you off guard, with a number of questions running back and forth in your mind before you settle with the one to respond with in return.

you blink in confusion. “i guess so, why?”

“nothing, it’s just i never expected it to be him, y’know, considering your history,” you think it's unavoidable, questions along these lines, they would've been asked sooner or later. truthfully, even you didn't expect yourself to fall for heeseung.

your history, what even is there to call history except blood and war? both you and heeseung have been up each other's neck from the moment your gazes collided. it sounds like a stupid beef between highschool students, almost embarrassing now that you both are nearing post graduation. with all the days that you’ve spent thinking about ways to get on his nerves, or worse— ruin his projects, it wasn’t just you who resorted to ruining each other’s hard work— no one would have known you and heeseung would ever end up on this note, with him chasing you and you pinning for him, all under the blankets of a silly bet.

“well, as i always say, hanbin, life is unpredictable,” there’s a smile dancing on your lips, a dazzling hint of factuality in your eyes. “besides, he’s a nice guy behind all the annoying things he does. i think he's pretty serious about me, or us, too,”

hanbin has noticed the way you smile at your phone. it doesn’t always happen, only when you’re talking with miyeon or a few friends from highschool, now heeseung ranks up on that list as well. he’d be lying if the uneasiness doesn’t bother him, it’s bound to surface when he remembers all the nights you spent complaining about heeseung. actually, the rant session included hanbin, you and miyeon, but she would rather go to sleep than listen to you complain like a child for hours on roll, leaving you and hanbin driving the conversation. he has lost count of the amount of times you’ve ended up crying in the process, or the amount of times he has hung up on you only to show up at your place late at night to make sure you’re doing okay, and the nights you two have spent watching movies and falling asleep on the couch, followed by the mornings gone by with miyeon being salty over the fact that none of you invited her to your impromptu nightover.

the thought of heeseung confessing to you still surprises hanbin, it’s one of the things he deemed as impossible since forever. and he can go, warn heeseung about hurting you, dropping all sorts of threats at the boy. hanbin can go on for hours about how he would make heeseung’s life a living hell if he ever broke your heart. he can prove the righteous friend that he is, but at the end of day, he would always be the third person between you and heeseung. hanbin can only assume so much about you two, not even sure if all of it is right. he can only wish so much for you to have eyes for someone else.

and so, all he does is shoot a smile at you. “i hope he is,”

the only time you step out of the library is exactly three hours and thirty three minutes later, to sprint towards the basketball knowing that you absolutely cannot afford losing seats in the first two rows. fortunately, or unfortunately enough, you’re not the only student going crazy about the game. you can swear at least a dozen came out of the library right after you, even though all of them may not attend the game.

you’re already running late— well, still twenty minutes early but that doesn’t give you much time to meet the team and secure the front row seats. and meeting the team is an excuse, let’s be honest. you want to meet heeseung, have a quick private talk, kiss him good luck, you don’t know; you wouldn’t. your head is in a mess, behind you hanbin is yelling for you to slow down as you run down the stairs. half of you is worrying about seats and the other half is wording her sentences out for you to say when you meet heeseung, and the team. you can wish them all the luck in the world, after all, it’s the university team and you would love to see them win. the whole craze about sports doesn’t feel real and worth the hype but things start coming full circle when you’re the one watching. slowly, as one would expect, but you are starting to understand why everyone goes bonkers during tournament season.

“damn, slow down,” hanbin huffs, grabbing your arm for you to slow down. “it’s not like they wouldn’t start without you,”

“that’s the problem. what if they start without me?” but your legs wouldn’t rest before arriving at the court. you know your words sound funny, painting you as if the result of today’s match depends on you. it feels crazy to be this excited about a mere basketball match, nonetheless you know it’s not the match you’re actually looking forward to. “besides, i’m more worried about seats,”

“i asked hao to save two for us. he’s friends with heeseung, i think he will do that much for his friend’s girlfriend or whatsoever,” you see him roll his eyes at his own words, proceeding to slide his hands into yours before continuing on your way to the venue, this time a little slower.

you have heard about hao from hanbin and miyeon a few times. he’s pursuing a masters in music, wants to teach violin professionally according to hanbin. miyeon has even attended one of his recitals last autumn, something from sibelius, if you remember correctly. he is popular, and you see the depths of his popularity as soon as you spot him on the bleachers, surrounded by people left and right, one of them trying to grab a seat next to him before he points at you and hanbin, and the crowd goes mild, ultimately dissolves as the players step in.

“i didn’t know heeseung had a girlfriend,” you don’t know what you were expecting, perhaps a few words of greetings, hi’s and hello’s since you two are meeting for the first time. anything, except that question.

“believe me, i didn’t either,” and why even is heeseung going around telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend?

the court breaks into cheers as soon as the game commences and yet, it feels a little quite. perhaps, it’s miyeon’s absence getting to you. had it been her next to you instead of hanbin and hao— who are busy amongst themselves by the way, talking about anything but the match— she would’ve been eating snacks non-stop, giving you a little talk on every player, like a resume. it’s take her fifteen minutes to give you summaries on players from each team, their achievements, girlfriends and probably even mothers, who knows. although, you haven’t attend many games with miyeon to pinpoint every good and bad thing about her impromptu presentation, her unofficial commentary helped you sit throughout the match. it feels incomplete without her, not just the game but days in general. it’s definitely her absence making your surroundings feel quieter.

so, long story short, you don’t have a clue of what’s happening. well, you do, a little. you know what a dunk and a three pointer is besides the names of players on your university team, but that basically sums up your knowledge about basketball. all sorts of voices are mingling in the air but you’re busy following the ball around the court with your gaze, occasionally cursing and clapping when the team misses a close basket or scores a comparatively difficult basket. the tension between the two teams keeps rising as the game continues. you notice sunghoon groan in disappointment as one of the players from the opposite team gets in a banked shot from the wings, scoring two points for the team. a part of the crowd goes quieter at jay’s failed attempt to save the score for his team, beomgyu patting on jay’s back while muttering something along the lines of ‘good job.’ involuntarily, your eyes travel to heeseung, whose expression stiffens at the sight of the scoreboard displaying a two-point lag.

a time out call follows as the players move back to their respective ends, and it physically hurts you to see the difference in atmosphere between the two teams, or the frowns on the faces of players on your university team. for a second, you even consider walking down to them as they gather around the coach, grabbing water bottles and towels while nodding at the coach’s words between heavy breaths. you catch jake looking in your direction for a brief second, a smile makes its way to your lips before he responds with one as well, proceeding to nudge heeseung’s arm and pointing in your direction. his actions are left with no response— it hurts a little, although you are aware that anything else falls after winning the match on his priority list— and they get back on the court as the game resumes.

“they need to catch up soon,” hanbin mutters, taking a look at the clock. and even if it’s just a two point difference, you’re starting to understand why it creates a huge gap. it’s almost like scores on a test. going from eighty-three to ninety then hundred is easier than going from ninety-eight to hundred. greater differences are easier to overcome; for you have so many rooms for improvisation and thus, so many chances at closing the gap. the closer you are to a perfect score, the narrower are the chances and it’s almost impossible to pin-point and work on every single weakness of yours within those two points. you’re pretty sure your words would hardly make sense to anyone else, but nonetheless you understand why everyone on the court looks more attentive, probably like meerkats on the lookout for preys and predators.

much to your disappointment, the play continues with the rivals dominating the court, giving low to zero chances for the opposition to get their hands on the balls. you even see a few of them trying to provoke heeseung, the latter trying his best to not react but you’re afraid he would start throwing punches if another one of the players passed by him with his middle finger up heeseung’s face. one of them, who you assume is the captain judging from the way he has been directing his team, goes in for a hook, immediately getting blocked by taehyun as the court bursts into loud cheers once again.

“that was a little too far for a hook,” hao comments, and you nod as if you understand his words and know exactly how a hook is supposed to be. you didn’t even know about a hook until now, and you’re still not sure what it is since all the shots look almost the same to you.

from that second onwards, it felt as if the control transferred to heeseung’s teams as they transition quickly from defence to offence, making quick passes and running the court, practically catching the opposite team off guard. jay passes the ball to jake, who takes a leap from half court, driving towards the unguarded basket. a quick layup using the backboard, as you hear hanbin name the shot, and basically everyone runs to jake for scoring two points for the team as the scoreboards displays a sour tie. it’s a seemingly easy match after that, especially when the players look like they’re back into the game. sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung who goes for another layup and fails, much to his despair, before going in for a dunk and scoring yet another basket for the team, leading it by two points. you see him passing a cocky smirk at the player from before as jake pats him in the back with heeseung almost stumbling in the process.

heeseung shoots you a wink before focusing on sunghoon’s words as they get back into position, and even amidst the butterflies you got by his recent actions, you don’t miss the way he stretches his fingers, ring-finger specifically, pointing something about the movements to jay before getting his focus back to the game; and you just hope it isn’t what you’re thinking it is.

it’s a slow game after that, no points scored, four fouls with two of them back to back, one by each team respectively. the frustration increases on the court, evident in each step taken by the players, groans and sighs fill the atmosphere and get louder than the cheers that have gone quieter once again. it isn’t until a few minutes later that all the players run to the front court as soon as they see an opportunity for a fast break with taehyun taking the lead, passing the ball to jay just a few seconds after, who passes it to heeseung— and call it the lack of efficiency or bad timing, heeseung bumps into one of the players from opposite team, an uneven balance, and falls directly on his right knee, as one of the opposite players throws the ball off-bounds to stop the play.

the medics take him to the benches, bringing ice packs and everything else before escorting him inside. you considered following him inside before hanbin tells you that the officials aren’t letting anyone meet him, probably until they receive updates of his situations. you bite the inside of your cheeks in nervousness, palms sweating as if you’re about to appear for an exam you weren’t informed about until five minutes ago, or maybe it’s even worse. the murmurs from the crowd or the group of girls behind you, to be more specific, do nothing but make you feel more anxious. zhang hao, being a sports medicine student, tries to give you an insight on heeseung’s injury, telling you that even if he fell directly on his knee and it could result in a patella fracture, or perhaps just dislocation— words that compel you to yell at him to shut up before he ensures that heeseung will be fine. hanbin does that for you, noticing your slightly panicked state, telling hao to talk about anything but anatomy of how badly a simple injury can affect a player, and when sunghoon and taehyun return to the officials with an update on heeseung and a pale face, you knew you had to run to your heeseung as if it’s the end of the world.

“heeseung,” you breathe out, stepping aside to let the nurse from the infirmary leave before you walk closer to him. the awkwardness between you and other players, namely jay, jake and beomgyu, besides the coach, rings all the bells to remind you that coming here was probably a bad idea. well, of course, you like heeseung and are worried for him, but the tension in the air makes you feel like you showed up uninvited. “are you okay?”

you ask nonetheless, voice close to a whisper, as you stand at a distance, looking at the bruise on his knee. the smell of antiseptic spray fills your lungs, nose scrunching at the way you could almost taste the diclofenac at the back of your mouth.

“not really,” he inhales sharply, exhaling a reply once everyone left, knowing they had a game to get back to. “look at you, are you worried for me?”

“i’m regretting coming here now,” liar. and then you let the silence carry the conversation with itself for the next few minutes. you don’t know what to say— what can you say? all you do is sit next to him, hands brushing against his as his winces at the slightest touch. heeseung opened his mouth to say something before dismissing his words with a heavy sigh the very next moment. you almost hold his hand— almost, thinking of holding it ever so carefully as if it’s glass with thousands of cracks, and then you’d kiss it ever so delicately, you did it— almost, but then, it’s just you getting upset over the fact that he played even after hurting his hand.

“so, they’re benching you,” you say in an attempt to strike a conversation, a little conflicted with your choice of words, wondering if he even wants to hear about something related to the match at the moment.

“of course,” he says it like a matter of fact, a fact whose impact doesn’t seem to touch him. “please tell me they have jeno substituting for me. i’ve barely been getting updates in the group chat,” the least he expected was for one of the substitute players to keep him updated about the game through texts, and heeseung planned to get back to the court until you showed up, taking a seat next to him on the benches in the locker room. you don’t understand why they didn’t take him to the infirmary, and decided to think it’s because locker rooms are closer and if there’s anything heeseung should not be doing right now, it’s moving his injured leg.

you shrug. “i don’t know, i’ll ask hanbin,”

“thanks,” and even though heeseung isn’t really fond of your friend for reasons that are widely known, at least amidst his friend group, he really hopes hanbin is of some use.

it’s quiet now. you can hear faint cheers buried in the layers of walls and rooms that stand between the court and the locker room, a few muffled footsteps filling up any spaces left in the air, here and there. you assume it’s his fans trying to check up on him, as annoying as it sounds to you for you’d rather have this moment with him all to yourself. you hear him sigh heavily once every few minutes, trying to ball his injured fingers up in a fist to allow the slightest of moments and ensure healthy circulation, a soft hiss leaving his lips at the sensation of striking pain shooting up his nerves. unlike heeseung, your attention shifts to his injured knee with a faint chill running down your spine as you look at his bruise, which now looks more bluish than it was when you had arrived, signifying the possibly alarming amount of blood that has now clotted in the tissues.

“you can cry,” nudge him with your shoulders and heeseung directs you to the most disgusted face in return. “what? it’s the finals and you’re injured so you won’t be able to play today. any normal person would sob their eyes out,”

“i’m not a kid, yn,” he nudges back, a chuckle slipping off his lips.

“trying to act all cool but you’re probably going to cry yourself to sleep for days, or even weeks,” he holds out his hand for you to hold it as you stand up, an action you give into without opposition, intertwining your fingers with his. there’s a smug smile on your face and he sees it as well, although only you know the way your heart is somersaulting at the way your hands fit his’ like pieces of a puzzle. “i know what you are, heeseung,”

he scoffs at your words, hands still entwined, a lovesick glow in his eyes— it’s your first time seeing this side of him, you’re glad to be one of the people to see it. silence has never felt so comfortable to you. the distant noise from court feels like it rushed on its way to you and heeseung, and stopped at the doors, as if you two are beyond its reach. you might never say it to him, but everything seemingly ceases to exist when you’re with him, and the world feels timeless. it’s embarrassing, cringe, and it’s making your heart beat faster with the way he looks at you. “you need to shut up,”

“make me?” a quick response, one that was supposed to be a joke, a joke which was supposed to be accompanied by laughter and brushed off as another baseless comment, but another second passes as you continue to look into his eyes, and you realise you’re actually considering it— leaning in towards him while giving his hand a light tug to pull him towards you the slightest, your other hand cupping his face as your gaze ghosts up his eyes and settles on his lips. when it comes to him, rationality is out of the window and your lips are on his’ planting the softest kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away like nothing ever happened.

a pause; you could hear the silence ringing in your years, eyes fixed over him as if you’re spilling all your secrets to him, waiting for him to take a hint. “what even happened to the ‘no kissing before finals’ rule?’”

and you realise you had actually forgotten about it, for better and never for the worse, because as you said and as he repeated, it’s all about timing. empty locker rooms, quiet hallways with not a soul around, your hand in his, his eyes on you— the timing couldn’t be better, and you know better than messing up and letting heeseung become just a closed chapter of your life. “yeah, i could care less about that,”

there are a lot of things you could care less about, like the cold metal that stings against your back as he pushes you against the lockers, or the fact that anyone could walk in, any minute; you don’t care, don’t know. his lips are on yours and his hands are on your waist, it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. heeseung tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together. it’s intoxicating and is making you go insane, the way he manages to sweep you off your feet with the smallest of actions and simplest of words— from the very first day.

heeseung was right, and you as well, it’s all about timing. from the day you first looked at him in a seminar, to the day he switched to biotech— you plan on asking him why because so far, all your guesses seem implausible— down to the day he confessed, leading up to this moment with you pressing against the lockers and his lips against against yours. heeseung sighs softly, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head to deepen the kiss, and you could feel the heat of his breath against your lips when you pull away just when it was about to get better, avoiding his lips when he leans in to chase yours barely a millisecond later. your eyes shift down to his hand, one that has been injured during the game, and you proceed to hold it carefully, brushing your lips over the bruise lightly before adorning it with feathery kisses as his other hand travels down to your waist once again, pulling you closer. “you should go easy on yourself,”

you whisper the exact same words he had told you a day ago, traversing your eyes back towards him while your gazes have a conversation so foreign, as if it’s only for the silence to understand. and it’s quite literally just the two of you basking in silence as he rests his head against the crook of your neck, planting a few kisses here and there before pulling you even closer, as if you were going to disappear any second. “i think, i’m in love with you,”

and timing be damned— because heeseung confesses to you once again, and then he’s kissing you once again, slowly, sweetly, in love, and timing doesn’t even matter because every second feels right with him. with the same air of delighted indifference he comes to know well in the gleam of your touch and the curl of your lips, you simply kiss him back as if to say, hate to admit, but i’m in love with you too. and timing really be damned because you hear loud rounds of cheers as you feel his shoulders stiffen. a slight disconnection between you and heeseung makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the results of the game, which is inevitable, but this is about you and him, and nothing else. you hear the notifications from his phone go off, hinting that the match is probably over, and you pull him into another kiss, another round of selfishness guised as an outlet for him to forget about the game, another round of messy make outs, tasting the freedom of ignorance.

and then you don’t hear from heeseung again.

V. OBJECT OF ALL DESIRES

days without heeseung feel like they’re forty-eight hours long.

you think it’s a disease or some sort of withdrawal syndrome. this isn’t your first time without him, in fact, you used to do just fine without him in your life until you let him in. at this point, it isn’t even about not being able to see him— heeseung has been absent for almost seven days. you even asked jay about him to see if he has been in contact with any of his teammates but much to your disappointment, he disappeared off the face of earth like he never existed. taehyun has constantly been reminding you to not fret too much, knowing that heeseung gets a little dramatic after losing matches. you can take his word, obviously, a friend from highschool would know heeseung better than a girl who started talking to him normally barely weeks ago, although you couldn’t help but worry about him as seconds passed like water dripping down the tap, disturbing the silence.

you know how losses feel— like a part of you has been taken out and you’re left to bleed. it’s worse when it’s about something you’ve loved all your life. you’ve walked next to losses, hand in hand. when you know you’ve lost something while having it in the palms of your hands the whole time, the feeling eats you inside. you wonder if heeseung is feeling the same way you think he is, even if he didn’t show it a week ago when you had met him in the clubroom, the feeling starts to sink in when you’re alone amidst the ghosts of nobodies. even though he was smiling and acting like the little shit he is, you felt anger and regret in the way he kissed you. there was a sense of numbness dripping down his fingertips in the way they brushed against your cheeks, cupping your face. you could’ve been a sweet escape— it hurts to admit that the emotions weren’t possibly real, but you couldn’t blame him.

losing a match, to put it in your words, meant failing in a test; and losing because of an injury, it’s like skipping a test you prepared for, because of fever. except tests can be rescheduled for students who missed— a luxury heeseung, as a basketball player, cannot enjoy. even you couldn’t believe your eyes when the students on the forum started talking about the lost match, all sorts of comments going around, though none targeted at heeseung, fortunately. yet, your first instinct was to dial his number— out of reach, the first thing you hear on the other side of the line, and all you’ve been hearing for days now.

you had considered cutting ties with him, not literally, but as in stopping to chase him as if he’s the oxygen you inspire. you could’ve showed up at miyeon’s place with apologies, her favourite snacks and a brief explanation of why you did what you did, and everything that has happened as the consequences of your own actions. with weekends approaching, you could’ve planned a two-day trip with her and hanbin before the winter snow made it hard to commute— just anything to get your mind off heeseung, since apparently, you weren’t on his mind either. albeit, you end up doing nothing, no trips, no plans to see miyeon, it’s just you and your bruised heart with soju on the side. your mind is way too cluttered with thoughts about heeseung to focus on studying and at the same time, it’s way too empty to try doing anything else.

so, you simply venture down the hallways, drowning in all kinds of thoughts, good and bad. you can use the time to study but concentration has been far out of your reach ever since the match, or ever since he went underground, to be more specific. the impromptu make out session was probably his last straw— it makes sense. you kissed someone who had been walked out of a match because of an injury instead of consoling them. you let your feelings get the best of you, making everything about yourself yet again. you won’t be surprised if heeseung decides to ghost you for the rest of his life after that; or maybe, that’s not possible since you see a familiar figure sitting in the outdoor basketball court, spinning the ball with it’s axis on the ground in a directionless manner.

“heeseung?” you notice his back tense at the sound of you calling his name, head down low as if he’s responding with an exasperated sigh. “where the hell have you been? i’ve been trying to reach you— heck, even your friends haven’t heard a word from you in days,”

“not now, yn, leave me alone,” and an exasperated sigh is what it was.

“look, i know—”

“just, what part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” you try to speak but heeseung cuts you off just as efficiently as he does other things, with annoyance heavily evident in his words. had it not been heeseung, you would’ve left already, for you have more important things to tend to, and you’re certainly not interested in matters you’re not supposed to be included in, if only it wasn’t heeseung, and if only you weren’t crazily worried for him.

“oh, i understand it clearly, every part, actually, and i also understand that you’re upset and leaving you alone would certainly not be the best move considering the way you went MIA for a week,” and you understand his impulses about disappearing into thin air, wishing the ground eats him up or for the walls to cave in till he’s entombed in them, but a person as smart as him should know taking out helps better than thinking about wanting to vanish. “we can sit and have a talk if you stop being such an asshole about it. i’m down to listen to—”

“fine, what do you want to hear about?” he cuts you off in annoyances, the ball rolls down to a distance like your heart when you see the unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. “you were right. i went home and have been crying myself to sleep. i haven’t been eating well either. i skipped five out of nine mocks and barely passed the four i gave, let’s add that too. is that enough?”

you don’t like the way he puts it, as if it’s supposed to make you feel better. maybe about the bet, maybe, since he’s supposed to rank above you in finals to get around dating you, and maybe watching him lose is supposed to offer you some sort of relief— seriously, what you’re feeling right now is far from that. guilt, anger, shame, you’re not unfamiliar with those emotions. they eat you inside and it’s not because you’ve met with defeat, it’s because of falling off all the expectations people had, giving them another reason to point fingers and laugh. you could be really over-reacting, but if you didn’t have your parents telling you it’s going to be fine every time you didn’t do well on tests, you don’t know where you would’ve been right now. and you think you can play a part of the same for heeseung, if not all.

you sit next to him, nose scrunching at the sight of dust on the cement laid with cracks. that’s what you get with an outdoor court no longer in use. you can see little plantlets germinating from the soil, emerging through the cracks, the rusted ring catches your eye. heeseung huffs as you settle next to him, wondering exactly how long the court has been unused for, considering its lack of maintenance. “let’s date,”

and your words are not what you were planning to say or what should be said in this situation, but they still manage to extract a response from him. “don’t play with me,”

“i’m not, in fact, that is what i’ve been wanting to say to you for days. of course, this isn’t the best timing, but i don’t know what else to say,” you pause in what feels like embarrassment. too bad, his crush is not good at conversations. sometimes you end up nodding and blinking for five minutes straight before saying anything, after a person opens up to you with tears and blood. “and, i’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a child or whatever because the team lost such an important match and somewhere, you’re blaming yourself for it, which you shouldn’t, by the way. all i need to say is that you still have the next year to make up for what you’ve lost now,”

second chances come with higher expectations from people along with words that end up making one feel worse about their situation. you’ve already heard a few students talk about how heeseung should’ve been more ‘careful’— as if it was his choice to get injured and lose the match. you know it wasn’t going to be easy, especially with his injury that probably requires him out of the court for weeks, but you hope that amidst whatever he’s feeling, between self-loath and regret, heeseung manages to find himself once again.

“actually, i’m planning to drop out of the team next year and focus on studies. my parents were already against me playing basketball during postgrad, i’m finally starting to notice why,” basketball could’ve been his entire career if heeseung’s grandmother had not wished for him to go into the medical field. seeing the insides of a person makes him want to empty his bowel from the mouth so biotechnology was his next option. heeseung thought having two hands would give him the benefit of managing basketball and academics together, unlike how his parents had wished for, but his recent mock scores and lack of time devoted to studies is making him question his choices. “and what the hell were you on about dating, by the way?”

you’re half immersed in your own thoughts until heeseung directs the question at you— brows furrowed, confusion shadowing his face— you realise it’s your turn to do the talking. “oh, you know, dating. i think we should start dating already, it’s quite inevitable after that day in the clubroom,”

it is evitable, really, but you’re down bad— with all due respect.

you haven’t been okay ever since you realised that you like heeseung, and you’ve been trying to act normal about it, attempting to not lose your cool-hard-to-get-girl composure— miyeon’s words, and they make you cringe— while the thought of him is eating your brain slowly and gradually, making you go insane. if you were to narrate from where you opened and closed the door at, it would be a slippery slope, you don’t know how someone ends up falling for the person they despise. the yn from a month or two ago would be knowing, you can see her shrugging and getting back to her books, saying see saw it coming. ( it’s miyeon’s fault for making you even think about having a mind blowing chemistry with heeseung ) the you from two semesters ago, when he first transferred, would hate you and call you a traitor, might even write whore on a mirror while looking at it because you fold at the sight of hot, smart and sporty men who are perfect at everything, even at ruining someone’s life, like he’s ruining yours; and the yn from highschool, you see her squealing on the floor because oh, what a fan of enemies to lovers she was— heeseung wouldn’t even have been in the current picture if your highschool crush slash rival liked you back. the current you, well, she’s a goner, and in denial that she’s a goner. too much pride does something to a person, especially when you’re an over-scorer and an academic weapon. you’ve lost all your abilities of letting your guard down even once, refusing to give up and accept defeat, no matter how tortuous it is on the inside.

the current you is more like a victorian man looking at ankles for the very first time.

“and the bet? what happened to it?” he chuckles, of course, anyone would, considering the way you’ve lost after placing the bet with utmost confidence slash overconfidence. see, it never ends well, anything, with overconfidence, it doesn’t end well, never have and never will. and you, you don’t learn, sitting with the very well known fact that if you were given the chance, you would place the bet with him again.

“ah, i didn’t mean to do that, honestly. i was confused when you confessed, it was so sudden, i didn’t know how to respond. the bet was the best i could come up with,” miyeon was right, you could’ve used something along the lines of ‘i need some time,’ that day instead of pulling out a bet right out of your ass, and now you don’t know how to save face. at least the fact that heeseung confessed first makes you feel a little better about yourself. “c’mon, i know you love challenges. i was just trying to see if it gets you turned on or something,”

and heeseung scoffs in disbelief, eyeing you at your choice of words. “yeah, i feel very turned on knowing my crush dragged me into a bet that i’ve been working so hard for and she wasn’t even serious about it,”

“working hard? from what i saw, the only thing you worked hard for was basketball,” you raise your brows, a taunting intonation in your voice. a part of you regrets the choice of words, knowing that basketball is seemingly quite a sensitive topic to bring up at the moment. albeit, the slight fear evaporates off when he laughs and dismisses your words and nothings.

he leans a little closer, hands touching yours. “you never know what i’m up to at home,”

a pause; you look in his eyes and then at his lips, he mirrors your actions with a smirk on his face. you guess that there’s a second meaning to his words, not sure what, but the look in his eyes tells you something about it. “i think we should get back to when you were talking mental and i was talking you down,”

and you could grab his face and kiss him with no one around, on the unmaintained basketball court for the grey and cloudy skies to see. you could run your hands through his hairs and tell him how crazy he makes you while planting kisses down his neck. you can kiss him till both of your lungs are begging for oxygen, and that's when you'd tell him how he makes you feel— breathless and drowning, a little insane every time you see him flirting with someone that's not you. you can kiss him till the sun goes down and evening takes over, it doesn't matter if you're outside for the world to see. you would've kissed him if heeseung hadn't leaned back, looking at the ball lying stray at a distance.

“by the way, i’d love to date you,” he smiles at the infinite horizon before looking at you, as if waiting for a response already known.

“yeah, i figured that,” you try to play it cool as if you’re all knowing. it’s partially true, he did confess to you first. “let’s make another bet: no kissing before finals, and the one who ends up giving in first has to buy dinner,” you come up with yet another bet, your voice hinting the enthusiasm for no apparent reason.

heeseung squints at you, a little conflicted, quite unsure of your words. it sounds like a moment of deja vu, hopefully on a better note this time ‘round. “that’s not even valid, we made out not even a week ago,”

“let bygones be bygones, hee,” he likes the sound of the little nickname you've given him, unlike bygones, the word you use to refer to your very first kiss with him as if it's an unfortunate memory. “it’s decided then, no kissing before finals and the loser has to buy dinner, and i won’t be satisfied with anything less than a five star meal,”

you squint, index finger pointing at him, a challenging composure. another chuckle from him makes it’s way to you, lips curling into a faint smile. it takes you all the way back to the day you placed your first bet with him, with head empty and no logic, for the entirety of the basketball team to see, hear, and talk about it as if it’s supposed to be on the headlines of the national newspaper. your eyes spark up in anticipation, wondering if the two of you are down for another bet, one that doesn’t proceed towards failure, hopefully.

“the last time you did something like this, you ended up running back to me and asking me to date you,” he scoffs softly, side-eyeing you with a mocking gaze, quite ready to pull out the receipts if you ever deny his words. you hate how correct he is, all the time, actually, and you hate how you don’t have words to argue back.

lee heeseung, a nobody to you till he switched to your department, just some student who was there to pass time until he started ranking above you on tests and flipped your whole world upside down. you tried to not think about him and failed every time— still beats you why. you’ve never let distractions get the best of you, but heeseung, perhaps he’s more than just a distraction, or maybe he isn’t a distraction at all. he’s like a plant in your garden that you could care less about— should care less about, it’s growing without harming your plants, but it’s creeping against a wall with pretty flowers for show, and before you know it, it’s demanding for all your attention that you offer without second thoughts, unwillingly at first.

he’s the bane of your existence and object of all your desires, to put it simply and make it sound cliché. you’ve had your moments trying to run away from him, get him out of your head, annoy him to the point he’d prefer flying to the other side of the globe, or that could be you too, anywhere, far from him. but life, for the thousandth time, is unpredictable. when was the last time something worked out exactly how you had planned— can’t remember, obviously, just like the way you don’t remember when heeseung started occupying a corner of your brain, popping in and out at random times and disrupting your thought process. the more you tried to ignore him, the further he housed in your head, the deeper in your heart, closer, within your reach, as if for you to grab his hands and let him enter your side of the world.

and so, you kiss him again, pulling him towards you with the collars of his jacket. you feel him smile, a triumphant smile, as expected from someone who is used to winning. you don't think you can say you've lost, not at the way he cups your cheeks and tilts his head to deepen the kiss just moments before you pull away. “i always run back to you, don’t i?”

and you're a child infatuated with their favourite sport, a painter falling in love with strokes, a pianist dancing to the melody of rachmaninoff, a student addicted to getting a perfect score, a player addicted to winning. you trace back to things you like, you always run back to heeseung,

and you always would.

TEN MINUTES LATER :

heeseung plants a soft peck on your lips. “dinner’s on you,”

“fuck!”

2K notes · View notes

youronlydarlin · 3 months

Note

Okay…maybe could you do something like Simon fucking you to the summoning by sleep token…literal baby making song??? 🥹

AHHHHHHH NONIE YOU GET ME YOU GET MEEE

You are SO right about it being baby making music, because Simon fucks your guts so deep like he's trying to put something in there.

It's pitch black in the room. Utter darkness enveloping you both. You can't see anything, as if you're trapped in a neverending night. Relying solely on the goosebumps forming on your skin to know where he's touching.

Your lack of vision heightening your reflexes. And you twitch and tremble like a small defenseless bunny caught in the jaws of a metal trap.

His fingers easily cage around your neck, avoiding your windpipe but cutting off enough oxygen to make blood rush into your head and leave you panting like a dumb mutt. Successfully making you addicted to the feeling.

He easily pins your torso to the bed just like that. While your lower half doesn't even touch the sheets. No, it's wrapped around his toned waist, the position makes it so that he's towering over you. On his knees, and downwards angle he's fucking you in makes it feel like he's hitting deeper and deeper with each push inside.

Simon is a dirty, dirty, man. Having you practically screaming on his cock isn't enough. He wants you drunk on it. Like you won't survive without it.

Two speakers loudly play the song, and he's leaning down to whisper the lyrics into your ear.

"You've got my body, flesh and bone, yeah The sky above, the Earth below.."

And all of a sudden you're throwing your head back. Curling your toes and cumming your brains out. He laughs at you, to think that was all it took to ruin you. But, he has to admit, it ruined him too.

Cause fuck. Now you're throbbing so much and he's pulsing your walls actively milking him fir all he's worth.

The song continues on, and he fucks you through the chorus, then the instrumental. Until he's reaching his favorite part. But despite feeling like being in the brink of unconsciousness you could proudly say that it's your favorite too.

Heavy sounding beats blasts through the speaker as if they're begging to be let out. Simon mouths the lyrics and sings along, you silently mull over how the darkness prevents you from seeing it. But his hypnotic voice is quick to keep all the thoughts away that aren't about him.

"Oh, and my love

Did I mistake you for a sign from God?

Or are you really here to cut me off?

Or maybe just to turn me on

'Cause these days

I would be lying if I told you that

didn't wish that I could be your man

Or maybe make a good girl bad..."

Simon accentuates every word with heavy thrusts while he times the movement of his hips to the rhythm. Your eyes roll back. Subconsciously preparing yourself for the second of many more rounds to come.

a/n: I BEG OF YOU. LISTEN TO THE SONG. IT'S SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. I actually had to listen to it for this, mainly because I only know it through, my love astarion. Thank you for this btw, love. Really inspired me. M' also sorry that I only got to post once. I took the time out of a busy day to hang out with my sister. I hope you liked this, hun!

Yours, truly,

–dolly

#cod x reader #cod imagine #call of duty x reader #cod x reader smut #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader smut #x gn reader #x male reader #x female reader

350 notes · View notes

ecogirl2759 · 5 months

Text

Kiyotaka & Mondo <3

-NOTE-

All of these photos are from the Danganronpa 4コマ KINGS series. I do not own any of the drawings, but these photos are mine. All credit goes to Spike Chunsoft for the characters and the books themselves.

SIDE NOTE:

This part of my 4コマ KINGS series is request-based. If you'd like to see two characters together, let me know and I'll find those pictures! There won't always be enough to fill the image cap, but there are definitely some for everyone!

Time for me to show you what these goobers are up to :D

(Longer post than last time lol)

This is my favorite picture now :)

Lol they're either at each other's throats or besties, there is no in-between

The before and after ft. Makoto's amazing reactions that I couldn't bring myself to crop out

The power couple XD

MONDO ALWAYS LOOKS SO CONCERNED LMAO

Bro :D

Friendly competition!

They literally share one brain cell

Wonder how it broke hmmmmmm

(Mostly just including this one because LOOK AT TAKA OMFG--)

It's so funny how Taka is almost always positioned in front of Mondo. To me that just screams that Taka's the extrovert in this relationship lol

Mondo and Commander Ishimaru don't get along very well =w=;

I'm sure everyone's seen this iconic image already

"NO GETTING GIFTS FROM GIRLS >:("

Your honor, honestly shut the fuck up because you weren't even there

Everyone loves to harp on how dumb Taka can be when Mondo's just as bad lol

He took one look at Taka's color pallet and immediately thought he was the mastermind

what is this

no really what is happening here 0.0

MONDO MISSED HIS BIKE SO TAKA GOT HIM A CART HE'S SO HAPPY LOOK AT THEM

They're going back to their dorms now, goodnight everyone :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~

They're himbos, your honor

It's so obvious that I have favorites lol

I just think that their relationship (whether you ship them or just see them as friends) has so much comedic potential that everyone is sleeping on. Well, everyone except the fanfic writers lol

Let me know who you want to see next!

Next up: Sakura & Aoi!

Contents || <-Previous : Next->

253 notes · View notes

sleepyrayray · 1 year

Text

Drunk One Piece Men Not Recongnizing S/O (Various One Piece Men x Reader)

Characters included: Usopp, Buggy, Eustass Kid Content: Fluff, crack, the boys just getting so drunk that they are like "who are you??? sorry i have a s/o", maybe a bit of angst. Mention of alcohol as the boys are drunk, curse words. GN reader! (tell me if there's any gendered terms I'll fix it.) A/N: Got this idea from seeing a tweet showing a screenshot of the one time someone's partner who didn't recongnize them due to how drunk they were. Also trying to find the time to write while being in college sucks. Also tumblr fustrated me so some things may be a bit iffy as it kept not wanting to process the post so i couldnt make some edits but I did my best to work around it and get it to a point where it would be at least decent. I hope you all enjoy!! I might make a part 2 to this at some point, we'll see. H/C = Hair color ofc.

Usopp

He didn't mean to get that drunk, drunk enough to where he wouldn't recongnize his own girlfriend. It had just happened. How did it happen? Well how it happened is that he got into an drinking competition with Zoro first. Did he want to get into this competition? No. Why did he agree? He doesn't know. What were the result? Well of course he got his ass beat, but not without getting superrrrrrr drunk first. Like there is no beating Zoro at a game of drinking. You went to collect your boyfriend, figuring it was time for both of you to retire for a night. You didn't want your boyfriend to get into any trouble in his drunken state. You grabbed his hand with a quick "Let's go to sleep Usopp." Only for it to be yanked away with a drunken glare and a "Who are you?" as this man looked as serious as a drunken man would look. You had furrowed your eyebrows as you said "I'm your partner??" You were just standing there, super confused and usure of what to do. He doesn't recongnize you?? How do you get so drunk that you don't recongnize your partner that you've been with for a long time. Would you ever figure out the answer? You didn't know. Maybe, maybe not you'll see eventually. Suddenly Usopp screeched out an, "No, you aren't my precious Y/N?? ARE YOU A STOWAWAY???" He had a finger pointing right at you, as if he's accusing you which he is. He just stared at you, face flushed red and unsure of what to do. Should he keep this a secret?? There's a stowaway on the ship, what if they're a danger? Oh no, he doesn't want to fight. Maybe he should just run away, let one of the other crewmembers find them and handle them. You just stood there before saying a "I am Y/N though????? I am also not a stowaway, I live on this ship! Wait... Am I reallyy??? Who am I even???" Cue you now having an external crisis because of your boyfriend. Maybe you are a bit drunk as well, or it's because of the fact you and Usopp tend to share the same brain cell 99.9% of the time but now you are just standing there thinking. It is really true that you both share a braincell, even when one of you is sober and the other is drunk there is no seperating ya'll now, you're basically soulmates. Now cue the both of you breaking down crying, Usopp screaming "WHERE IS MY PRECIOUS Y/N! WHO IS THIS PERSON???" You screaming "WHO AM I??? AM I THINK I AM WHO I REALLY AM?" You both sobbed, questioning reality and what is really happening around you both, not noticing the whole crew who is there watching you both and laughing at the chaos that is happening as you and Usopp drop to the floor. Eventually you both just passed out into the world of dreams and the crew just left you on the floor of the kitchen. Usopp was the first to wake up in the very early hours of the morning. He was confused as fuck as to why you both were on the floor in the kitchen. He also had a killer hangover so that didn't help anything. After some time he managed crawl over to you and shake you awake, you had woken up with a confused hum asking a, "Do you finally recongnize me?" Looking at you with a confused look on his face he said a simple "Huh? Of course I recongnize you!!!" He scratched his head before realizing the room they were currently in on the ship before asking an "Why are we in the kitchen?" You only chuckled before answering his question, "Well you got so drunk that you didn't recongnize me. I guess we just both passed out here." He blinked before he responded with an answer you expected from him, which was "Oh. I do not even remember that happening." You just smiled at your sweet yet confused boy "Yeah, you also made me question who I am as well as if I was actually a stowaway or not." You actually both began to laugh together about what happened last night. You both laughed at eachother and at yourselves. You both loved that about eachother, allowing yourselves to laugh about eachother being drunk or in their own extential crisis. The fact that the situation is a mix of both is even funnier, which is why you both cannot stop talking and laughing about it.

But unfortunately, the fun didn't last for long as soon enough some of the crew appeared due to it being breakfast time. While at breakfast they began to tease you both for what happen. It happened all throughout the day, the crew never let it go until a week later. So let us just say that you swore to yourself to never let Usopp get that drunk again, you won't be able to handle the consequences again. Or well, at least not in front of everyone. You would both do it in private areas, but if anyone saw you again you could swear you'd explode on the spot.

Buggy

It all started from a party that the Buggy himself and his crew had hosted on the ship. Everyone got a bit drunk, or super super drunk. Including you of course. Your boyfriend wasn't an exeption, you didn't see it all happen as you decided to go back into your shared room in order to sleep. For some odd reason, drinking just makes you tired. Unfortunately, you can't seem to fall asleep, even though you are really exhausted. It seems as if some unearthly figure heard your pleading cries to fall asleep and caused your wasted boyfriend walked into the room, slumped over and murmuring words under his breath. You released a sigh of relief, maybe with him beside you you can fall asleep. You hope so at least, but it turns out everything wasn't in your favor. "Finally you're back, please join me in bed so we can both sleep." You mumbled out, grogginess in your voice. He seemed silent for a moment before speaking up with an "Sorry but I have a partner." He is just standing there and looking at you with judgemental eyes, kinda making you a bit nervous yet confused. "But I am your partner Buggy." You had replied to him, more awake and confused as ever as to why your boyfriend doesn't recongnize you at all. Normally he would, even while drunk. Did he get hit by some devil fruit power you didn't know about? Or what about some magic spell? Is he high?? Did the crew get their hands on some wierd things and so it is making him not recongnize his own partner? He just shook his head, saying a "No you aren't Y/N, they have (H/N) not hair that keeps changing colors constantly to different colors... How do you have your hair do that? You should tell me your secret stranger... maybe then I'll forgive you for being in my room and in my bed." He then walked over and opened the closet you had in the room. You watched him, knitting your eyebrows as you were unsure of what he is thinking or doing. "If you say so." You sighed, eyes widening as he got into the closet. "Why are you in the closet?!" You almost shouted out, definately noting this down into your head to tell the crew during the day. He responded with an, "Well I obviously can't sleep in the bed since you aren't my girlfriend so I am picking the next best option, the couch. Goodnight." It was as if the answer was simple and easy to know as he had litterally sat himself into the closet and passed out after he had closed the closet door. He never realized that that isn't the closet. You simply just shook your head and accepted the fact that you would never fell asleep that night. He woke up with a very sore back, an extreme hangover, his legs also hurt due to the position he was in. He litterally screeched out a "WHY AM I IN THE CLOSET???" when he had realized where he was at. Once he had stepped out you simply looked at him, blinking before saying "You just got into it and slept there." He soon yelled out an" WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME????" He crossed his arms over his chest, staring you down. "Well you wouldn't come to bed." You said before clearing your voice and continued though imitating his voice with a "You aren't my partner, my partner has (H/C) not hair that changes color to that of the rainbow." "I would never do that, and why didn't you make me sleep on the couch?" He questioned, now tappin his foot. "Well apparently to you the closet was the couch." You replied to him. "That's impossible! I would never do such a thing!" He semi-yelled as he made an X with his arms, shaking his head. "Yes you did, don't deny it." You hummed, stretching your arms out towards him, before adding a "Now come here and join me, I haven't been able to sleep so maybe we can both sleep cuddling this time and I can finally get some shut eye." He had huffed out a "I still don't believe you." Though he still went and got into bed beside you, pulling you onto his chest. "Just go to sleep." You chuckled, shaking your head with a smile saying "Alright, you should get more sleep so you can heal your migrane and sore bones. "Sounds good." He said, you both falling asleep, cuddled up together.

"Goodnight." You said, smiling, enjoying the cuddles. "It's morning." He huffed out. "I don't care, goodnight." You retorted back at him. "Fine, goodnight." He huffed out, as you both finally fell into the world of dreams and sleep.

Eustass Kid

The crew had docked onto the next island you all would be stopping at for at least a day or two, in order to stock up on supplies and repair anything needed repairs on the ship. It was night time and the crew had decided to go out to a local bar and drink. You had stayed behind due to having of caught a bit of a cold. You knew that Kid wanted to stay behind to at least make sure you dont die. You had to reassure him that you just needed some rest and he could go and have fun with the crew. You knew he could be rough, and seem a bit rude with his insistance, but you also knew that he isn't perfect when it comes to showing his emotions. It was his own way of showing he cares of course, he doesn't mean anything in a bad way and you admire him for doing his best to show his worry. You shifted in the bed, seeming to wake up from a small nap you were having. You then heard the door open and a drunk Kid stumble into the room in the process. You smiled saying a simple "Welcome back honey." Kid's head turned to look at you before his eyebrows furrowed as if judging you. "Is something wrong Kid?" You had questioned your boyfriend before sitting up. He simply growled before hissing out a "Who the fuck are you." You raised an eyebrow saying "I'm your parner Kid. I'm (Y/N) are you so drunk you don't recongnize me?" He stared at you for a few moments before saying "Stop lying and get out of my room. Why are you even on my ship? Get off of my fucking ship!" His voice rising as he picked you up and put you outside of the room. You didn't even know what to do, you were too stunned to do anything. You just accepted the fact you'll probably have to stay in the hallway tonight. Hopefully he comes to his senses when he wakes up in the morning, knowing him he's already asleep. You too fell asleep in the cold hallway. Soon enough morning came and Kid woke up, grumbling as he wondered why you weren't in bed. He just figured that you had gotten a head start for the day as you often did. He groaned and got ready before heading out of his room. Though he felt his foot bump against something as he went to walk out. "What the fuck." He mumbled under his breath, looking down to find you sleeping on the ground looking even sicker than before. Kid huffed picking you up and bringing you into the room, setting you onto the bed which had woken you up in the process. You mumbled a "Kid...?" Barely being able to talk. "Why the fuck were you sleeping in the hallway? Now you're even more sick than before you fucking idiot!" "You kicked me out..." You rasped out, eyes gazing hazely at his blurred out face. "I would never fucking kick you out of our own room." He said, narrowing his eyes trying to remember what had happened last night. You simply said a "You got so drunk that you didn't recongnize me... So you kicked me out in your drunken state." His eyes slightly widened as he remembered what had happened the night before. He muttered an "Oh shit." Under his breath. Guilt filled his eyes as he realized the fact he's the reason as to why you got even more sick. "I'm so fucking sorry babe." He grumbled before pulling the covers over the bed. "I'll fucking make it up to you." He did. You would go on and reassure him that it's fine, but he didn't accept that it was fine. He made sure you got better, and would even give you all kinds of gifts to show you how sorry he was. He also promised you to never get into that drunken state ever again. He kept that promise.

#one piece #one piece x reader #buggy the clown #buggy #one piece buggy #eustass kid #usopp #god usopp #usopp x reader #buggy x reader #kid x reader #eustass kid x reader

870 notes · View notes

cartierre · 1 year

Text

ALL MY NIGHT | cn

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU clément novalak x fem!reader

side note: i'm not too familiar with clement and marcus but i am trying my best to portray them as accurately as possible. don't come for me if their characters aren't what you might've expected, i'm still new to f2 (or in marcus' case indycar) so bare with me.

♡ liked by clementnovalak, dennis_hauger, marcusarmstrong and 5,490 others

tagged: clementnovalak, dennis_hauger, landonorris

yourusername i don't trust my decisions i make after midnight

view all 39 comments

user1 girl same. no one should be held accountable for what they do past midnight on a night out

marcusarmstrong so you're hanging out with my friends without me ⤷ yourusername sucks to be you

user2 i love how y/n just wormed herself into marcus' friend group ⤷ user3 yeah but them hanging out together without him? kind of weird... ⤷ user4 girl maybe he just wasn't available that night? start using that brain of yours

clementnovalak should i also not trust your decisions after midnight? ⤷ yourusername depends what exact decision you mean ⤷ clementnovalak i think you know what i mean...

user5 the sexual tension between y/n and clem just keeps growing ⤷ user6 they're so bad at hiding. watch one screaming meals episode with y/n and even the blind can see the longing stares they exchange

♡ liked by clementnovalak, felipedrugovich, marcusarmstrong and 4,687 others

tagged: clementnovalak, marcusarmstrong

yourusername yk what us three together means? new episode screaming meals with special guest moi out now!

view all 31 comments

user7 i love it when y/n joins the podcast. she's such a fresh breath of air ⤷ user8 i don't understand why she's on there tho. just because she's friends with marcus? she literally has nothing to do with the motosport world except being friends with some drivers ⤷ user9 go cry me a river

clementnovalak the most special guest ⤷ yourusername obviously. i'm funny, i'm smart, i'm sexy. call me an allrounder.

user10 y/n being back on the podcast means new material on how her and clem are either dating or just painfully in love with each other (or both, probably both)

user11 james not being included in the pictures :/ ⤷ yourusername he was so kind to take the pictures :) ⤷ jamesharveyblair where are my credits?

♡ liked by clementnovalak, jamesharveyblair, marcusarmstrong and 6,003 others

yourusername soft launch because you're apparently all detectives

view all 47 comments

user12 why are you still hiding him as if we wouldn't know it's clem ⤷ user13 she's a little overdramatic i guess

marcusarmstrong come on you two didn't even try hiding before what's up with that now ⤷ yourusername marcus, i was a theatre kid. i speak drama fluently. you should know that by now ⤷ clementnovalak even i know that by now ⤷ marcusarmstrong look at you two ganging up on me

user14 "how obvious do you want to be?" clem and y/n: "yes"

user15 am i supposed to be surprised now?

♡ liked by clementnovalak, juanmanuel, marcusarmstrong and 6,740 others

tagged: clementnovalak

yourusername you ruined the fun, but here are the pictures anway

view all 48 comments

user16 y/n being salty because her soft launch was a fail is hilarious ⤷ user17 it's kind of childish ⤷ user18 dude, i don't think she's taking it as serious as she makes it look like. that's her humour

marcusarmstrong took you long enough ;) also excuse me but the last picture? i don't want to see a whole porn with my two best friends ⤷ yourusername i had a whole soft launch plan planned out with posts ⤷ marcusarmstrong it is what it is, i guess

clementnovalak ❤️️❤️️ ⤷ yourusername don't heart me, you laughed at me when i was crying over my fail

♡ liked by yourusername, clementnovalak, marcusarmstrong and 7,920 others

tagged: yourusername, clementnovalak

screamingmeals Welcome to the renewed Clement Novalak's and Y/n Y/L/N's Wine Corner.

view all 59 comments

yourusername i feel honoured to be officially a part of the screaming meals squad ⤷ marcusarmstrong you've kinda always been there anyway ⤷ yourusername but now i have my own section! ⤷ clementnovalak shared section* ⤷ yourusername not for long

user19 they finally realised y/n's to funny to not fully include her in the podcast

user20 quadrant is getting some serious competition now that y/n has joined the screaming meals squad for real! ⤷ user21 okay but now i need a collab between the eight of them

559 notes · View notes

glitch-karma · 2 months

Note

Hello there ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ

I saw your requests were open and I hopped at the chance! 😩🙏

I saw your iura shuu x reader valentines post and I was wondering maybe if you could do an iura x reader with the cliche academic enemies to lovers trope.

So reader and shuu are rivals because readers very headstrong academically and part of the student council and shuus kinda very laid back and bubbly and he has his head in the clouds usually. So reader gets fed up one day and just rants about him (but really it's to hide she has a fat crush on him) but he over hhear, so then their pared up for a project and they decide that they'll do it at his place where he then confronts her with his personality he has around his family and readers just like😃 where reader then confesses.

I KNOW IT'S A LOT I'M SO SORRY PLZ DON'T FEEL PRESSURE BIT JUST THE THOUGHT OF SHUU AND CLICHE TROPES MAKES ME BRAIN GO FUZZY 😩😩😩😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

✧Tldr: You've had a crush on the annoying slacker Shuu Iura since first year, although no one would be able to guess by the way you rant on and on about him. One day after he overheard you going on about him he decides to confront you.

✧One Shot

✧Cw/Content: Academic rivals, Student council reader, f! Reader, Fluffish, confession

✧I. LOVE. ACADEMIC RIVALS TO LOVERS. ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE TROPE.

Also I'm hopefully gonna be making a comeback to Tumblr and get through requests, plus my Horimiya/Shuu hyperfixation is also back full swing so this is a formal request for any and all Shuu requests (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

"Ugh, I hate getting here so early but I'd rather die then replace my study time for club number reports." You sigh, using your student ID to slide through the door with Sengoku by your side. "I feel ya. The suns barely even out." He sighed out as you both made your way to the council room.

You stood patiently as Sengoku unlocked the door, swinging it open. You both let out a sigh-mixed with a groan as the two of you plopped down in opposite chairs. After a bit of discussion about how to separate everything, you both got to work.

After an hour you set your pile of paperwork between you two, standing up and slipping your blazer back on. "Everyone should be arriving for their first classes soon, I'm gonna go make sure they're all in uniform. Even if it's freezing outside." You said, walking to the door. "You sure are extra strict, L/n." Sengoku chuckled as you walked out.

As you stood at the door watching everyone come in. You corrected a few people as they tried to walk in with their coats still on. "Other than a few straggler coats and scarfs, everyone's looking good. It's nice to see everyone following the rule—" your thoughts were abruptly stopped as you heard a familiar, ear shattering voice.

"Hey Toru! Did you hear that new album yet?" Your neck immediately snapped over to the bright green haired man. And as expected, instead of the proper uniform he wore a bright orange hoodie underneath his blazer with his nonchalant disregard for the school's dress code. Your teeth grinded against each other, causing a few fellow students around you to anxiously scoot away.

You roughly opened your school bag, stomping over to him. As soon as Ishikawa saw you hurdling over he stepped away with a sigh. "Iura!! How many times do I have to tell you to wear the proper uniform!?" You screamed, shoving the back of his head. Shuu let out a cry as he held the back of his head. You then shoved the button up and a vest into his arms. "The next time I see you in class you better have that on!" You lastly called stomping your way back over to the entrance.

"Jeez man, you should have known that was gonna happen. That girl is all over you about rules." Ishikawa sighed as Shuu whimpered, patting his head, watching you walk away with your hands on your hips angrily. "Yeah, I guess.."

After a while you made your way to your actual class with a sigh. Scanning around until your eyes met Shuu, who was shoving his hoodie into his bag. You huffed out a nod as you took your seat. Taking out your books for the class one by one.

—

You sighed as you made your way to the council room at the end of the day, opening the door to find not only the rest of the council but also some of the regular group who always loitered there. You plopped down in a chair as the group continued. Sengoku watched the life drain your eyes as you moaned in "pain".

"What's up with you? You look like you died and came back to life— Twice." He questioned. "It's just that Iura managed to ruin my morning again. With a freaking hoodie. Unbelievable." Your face contoured into one of rage as you stared at the wall. "Where are you looking even..?" Hori piped up quietly.

"you could give the guy a break y'know? It's not like he's gunning to annoy solely you." Sengoku sweat dropped. You growled quietly in the back of your throat as you looked away from him. "Come on L/n, he's not that bad.." Miyamura nervously chuckled. "Shut it Miyamura, you're on my list after you wore a hoodie too along with him." Miyamura anxiously chuckled as he backed away from you.

You sighed as you rested your head in your arms. "It's not like his grades are terrible. In fact he's not even a bad guy or anything. I just wish he'd take everything a bit more seriously." You groaned out with a sigh.

Yoshikawa's eyes narrowed with a smile as she chuckled at you quietly. "What's with the face?" Hori questioned. "I just have a funny feeling." Yoshikawa looked away smugly.

"Whatever, I'm gonna go to the school store to hang out if you all are just gonna bother me about this." You sighed with a groan as you stood up.

✧

You reach down at your choice of vending machine, pulling out the drink you'd bought. You snapped open the top, taking a big gulp followed by a sigh. "Uhm, L/n?" You turned around to see a small group of girls. You recognized the main one as the leader of the calligraphy club. "Oh, hey Arakawa. What's up?"

"I was just making sure you got the club's reports for this week since you were here." She smiled. "Yeah, I just filed it this morning actually. You should probably get the funding you requested by this week." You nodded at her as she thanked you. "Hey and Uhm," one of the other girls spoke up. "Was that you this morning, yelling at Iura?"

Your face became cold again as you looked away from the group. "Can't seem to recall.." "it was definitely her." Another spoke up. You sigh as you looked back at the group. "He was wearing a hoodie under his blazer like a damn punk. Again." You glared at the wall. "Sengoku might have given up trying but I refuse to let the dress code be ignored like that."

One of them chuckled as the others smiled lightly at you. "You really don't like Iura-kun, huh?" You looked away, your cheeks slowly turning red. You could correct them.. but that would be way too embarrassing. "I-I mean he's just loud. Annoying.. doesn't take anything serious even if it's important."

"I mean, he's always so carefree, like nothing in the world fazes him. Always drifting off into la-la land with that dopey smile on his face, It's like he's in his own little bubble, completely oblivious to everything around him." you continued, gripping your drink harshly trying to bury the blush that threatened to creep into your face as you continue. "And don't even get me started on his grades! It's like he doesn't even try, yet he manages to scrape by effortlessly. It's infuriating to those of us who do study!" you exclaimed. You paused, realizing You spewed into a rant without even thinking about it. And it had dragged on for far too long. The three in front of you stared at you nervously.

With a sheepish smile, you tried to regain your composure. "Sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that.." you mumbled as you raised your hand as an apology. The group chuckled lightly as you stood there embarrassed. "I feel for you a bit there L/n." Arakawa said, lightly patting your back.

Unbeknownst to you, Shuu had been lingering nearby, sent to get everyone in the council room drinks. He stood, listening to every word of your passionate rant. His usually carefree expression had morphed into one of contemplation, his thoughts consumed by the conversation he'd unexpectedly walked into.

As you awkwardly shifted under the girls' gaze, Shuu remained hidden from view. His mind racing. After a while you exited the store, luckily from the opposite door he was hidden behind. Iura stubbled into the store, getting the drinks quietly for once.

"I guess.. I'll just pretend I didn't hear."

✧

You slid open the council door, everyone looking up at you before looking away in disappointment. Your face contoured into anger at them all. "Thanks a lot for making me feel welcome guys. Not like this is the council room or anything.!." You said through grated teeth. "Shuu lost rock paper scissors and went to get us all drinks. We all thought you were him finally coming back." Ishikawa explained. You grunted quietly with a light blush, falling back into your chair from before. "Whatever then."

Suddenly Shuu bursted into the room with a big smile. "Heyoo~! I got the drinks!" He yelled. You groaned, looking away as he looked over at you. "Oh hey what's up Y/n." He smiled, pretending to not have seen you earlier. "Hello Iura." You slightly groaned.

"Awe man I didn't know you were gonna be in here today! I would have gotten you a drink you like!" He said putting a hand behind his head. "No need, I actually just got one. Also I again mention that this is my club room." You groan lightly.

Shuu chuckled, seemingly unaffected by your response. "Ah, right, right. My bad. Guess I'll just have to make it up to you some other time, huh?" He flashed you a smile before distributing the drinks to the rest of the group. "I guess I can hold you to that. As long as you pay for it." You looked away with a light blush.

—

"Alright, pairs are already pre decided and posted on the bulletin board. Make sure the assignment is done by the end of the week. You're dismissed for the rest of class to do whatever."

After the teacher had finished talking you stood up, tidying your desk before making your way to the front. You glanced around before you finally found your name, looking beside it only to see- "Seriously.!?" You quietly whispered.

Y/n L/n — Shuu Iura

"Look at that! We're paired up!" Shuu magically appeared beside you, startling you a tad. As you regained your composer you nodded. "Seems so. When do you have time to work on it? As long as it's not in council hours I can probably make it work. Sooner than later please." You said, making your way back over to your desk with him following.

"if you want, after school tomorrow I could come over!" He says pointing to himself. You grimaced a bit. "Uhm.. I'd rather not have a guy over at my house. Nothing against you, I'm just not sure my Mom would approve." You waved your hands in front of you.

"Oh I see, I guess you could come over to mine. My little sister will be there though." Shuu suggested. "That's fine, I don't mind as long as we actually stay on task." You nod. "Alright then! We got it all set up now." Shuu nodded. You lightly blushed with embarrassment as you nodded back. You couldn't help but wonder if this was actually going to work out..

—

You sighed as you finished your club work the next day, standing up and sliding your bag over your shoulder. "Sengoku, Kouno, are you two good to lock up later? I have to go to Iura's for a project." "Huh?" The two looked at you confused.

"You paired up with Iura? On purpose?" Sengoku questioned. "No, they were preassigned for some reason." You breathed out annoyed. "Don't worry about it then, we've got it." Kouno smiled with a nod. "Thanks Kouno. I'll see you guys tomorrow." You waved as you shut the door.

As you walked over to Shuu's house, you couldn't help but let your mind wander. "Being at Iura's house.. I'm sure it'll be alright. But I'm still worried. Maybe he'll be chill, focused, level headed? No. Those things don't describe him at all." You thought.

Arriving at the door, you took a breath before ringing the bell. After a couple seconds the door opened, revealing a small girl who looked eerily similar to Shuu. "O-Oh. Hi." You waved lightly. The girl stared at you in shock before retreating back into the house, leaving you confused. After a second you opened the door yourself.

"You didn't tell me this person was a girl! So you actually have female classmates that don't hate you!?" The girl yelled. You stood there awkwardly. "What?! Why is that so surprising huh?" Shuu yelled back lightly, you noticed that his tone wasn't as hype as it was in school.

"Uhm, Iur- or.. Shuu?" You spoke, saying his first name felt so weird. Shuu looked over at you, pushing away his sister. "Ah L/n, you can come on in." He waved you in casually, confusing you slightly, a red tint slightly adorning your face. Him saying your last name was also weird. "T-Thanks." You nodded.

You looked over at his sister again who was staring at you like a mystical creature. You were sweating as you started down at her. "Ignore her, she's the sister I mentioned. Motoko." Shuu pointed to her. Motoko glared lightly at him. "You could introduce her too y'know."

"Right, she's Y/n L/n, part of the student council and my classmate." Shuu groaned at her. You stared confused at him. Was this.. actually Shuu? "A student council member? And she deals with you.?"

"Yes. And now if you'll excuse us, we have a project to actually work on Moto." Shuu walked away from her opening presumably the door to his room. You finally snapped out of it, removing your shoes quickly. "It was nice meeting you." You lightly bowed at Motoko before following Shuu into his room.

"Ugh sorry about her." Shuu groaned as he shut his door, sitting down after. You sat down across from him as you set your school bag down. "No it's alright. She seems nice."

"Nice is sure a word." He sighed as he took out the assignment. As you both got comfortable, you began working. Oddly, you worked mostly in silence. The atmosphere felt different from what you were used to. Shuu seemed more composed, his usual hyper demeanor replaced by a calm and focused one. It was as if he had left behind the carefree facade he wore at school and stepped into a more serious role. And it was.. scary.

You couldn't help but steal glances at him. It was weird but.. you kind of missed his smile. Your face heated up at the thought before you shook it off lightly.

After awhile, Shuu stretched up with a light sigh. You continued to work, until you felt his gaze stuck on you. You glanced up to find him staring right at you with a neutral expression. It was startling.. "Uhm.. What's up Iura?" You questioned quietly. Shuu looked away and was silent for awhile.

"I heard what you said to the calligraphy club leader. In the school store." Shuu bluntly said. Your heart skipped a beat for a second as your eyes widened. Panic set in as you stared at him shocked. He had heard everything – your rant about him and everything you "despised" about him that dragged on for way too long.

"I-I didn't..." you started, but Shuu held up a hand, cutting you off. "No, it's cool. I get it," he said softly, his tone surprisingly gentle. "I know I can be a bit much sometimes. Especially at school."

Who was this person in front of you. What was he saying even. it was so.. confusing.

"I guess I just didn't realize how strongly you felt about me. Especially enough to talk to basically strangers. It just surprised me is all, I mean if you really hate me-"

"You're wrong!" You yelled as you sat up quickly. You stopped, blushing as Shuu looked at you in shock. "Wrong?" he repeated, his voice soft.

"I wasn't... I mean, it's not.. Look, I was just frustrated!" you blurted out, feeling exposed under Shuu's unwavering gaze. "I-I didn't mean all those things I said. They all were asking about you and I was just trying to cover up, uh..." Your voice trailed off as you struggled to actually say what you were thinking. Shuu leaned in slightly, "Cover up?" he prompted.

"Cover up the fact that I admire almost everything about you, okay!?" You yelled lightly. Shuu stared at you in shock while his cheeks heated up.

"You're everything I wish I could be. You're always just having fun. You don't really care what others say about you, or about studying or anything like that. You always manage to make everyone around you laugh, and you don't care if it's at you either. And no matter what you still just smile all wide at everything. You're freely yourself. And you say whatever's on your mind." You poor your heart out. Shuu stared in shock, blushing at your foolish rant.

"So, yeah! I was trying to cover up! Trying to cover up how much I like—" suddenly you found your logic, shutting up before you could finish. You stared at the table for a bit before slowly looking up at Shuu. He stared in shock, his cheeks basically on fire. it was a rare sight.

You both stared at one another for a few seconds before you sat up quickly. "U-Uhm, I'm sorry. I should leave now." You stuttered out, grabbing your text books. Shuu blinked a few times as he watched you pack up before coming back to earth. "Y/n-" "I can finish the rest of this up, I'll turn it in after its done as well," "Wait, please just—"

You stood up quickly, pulling your bag roughly over your shoulder and turning towards the door. "Good bye, thanks for having me. S-See you at—"

Shuu quickly grabbed your wrist as you tried to pull open his bedroom door. You stood in shock before turning around to face him. "Will you stay long enough for me to actually tell you how I feel!?" Shuu whisper yelled. Your face was red, everything in the room seemed to stop. You both stood there silently for a bit before you finally let go of the door.

Shuu sighed as he let go of your wrist, sitting back down with a hard plop. You continued to stare at the ground. Your chest felt tight, the grip on the strap of your school bag was so strong you swore your fingernails were digging into your palm. Your heart raced so hard you were worried he could hear it. The air thick with tension as you stood frozen in place. Slowly, you made your way back to your seat opposite of Shuu.

As you finally raised your head to look at him, you noticed that Shuu looked almost exactly the same as you had just had a few seconds ago. He stared intensely at the ground, his cheeks a deep crimson as he tried to find his breath.

Taking a deep breath, Shuu began to speak, his words stumbling out in a rush of emotion. "Y/n, I... I've admired you for a long time. Your dedication to being apart of the student council, your intelligence, your passion.. it's all so inspiring. You're always so focused and driven. You're amazing, even without those gorgeous eyes that I could get lost in.." he looked up at you slowly as he spoke.

You listened intently, your heart swelling with disbelief and... Happiness. Shuu's words echoed in your mind, each one sinking deeper as he poured out his feelings.

"I know my personality can be frustrating at times but.." He looked away for a second before beginning again. "But I love you. I have for a while. And if there's even a chance that you feel the same way about me... well, I can't let it go without telling you how I feel."

You stared in shock, your mouth slightly agape as you couldn't find the words in your head. Shuu looked back up at you, chuckling slightly at your expression. His laugh brought you back to earth as you grabbed his hand that had been resting on the table between you two. He gasped a bit as he looked down, then back up at you.

"I- I Uhm.." you stuttered before finally speaking properly. "I love you, Shuu. Or- I love you too." Your face was embarrassed, your hands trembling on top of his.

After a few seconds Shuu smiled. It wasn't a smile you were used to seeing— it was smaller than usual. It was like he was looking at something irreplaceable. It made your heart flutter. Shuu's hand pulled away from yours, you panicked lightly until you felt his fingers intertwine with yours.

"Alright then." He spoke softly. Your face turned bashfully as you smiled lightly at him. "A-Alright." You nodded at him. You two stayed like that for a few seconds before you pulled away with a cough.

"W-We should finish up that project now." You bashfully looked away from him as you pulled everything back out. He let out a laugh, one that you were actually used to hearing, which relaxed you.

✧

"Thank you for having me," you lightly bowed at both Shuu and his sister as you put your bag back around your shoulder. "Thank you for not hating my brother, I know it must be hard." Motoko waved at you lightly as Shuu pushed her away. "Are you sure you can get home alone?" Shuu questioned in a neutral tone that you were still getting used to hearing.

You nodded at him with a bashful smile. "I'll be alright, but thank you." You chuckled slightly. "Alright then." Shuu nodded back. "See you at school tomorrow, please wear the proper uniform." You teased as you opened the door. The two waved you off as you exited.

You couldn't help the big smile you wore as you slowly made your way down Shuu's street. Your cheeks burning so much you couldn't even notice the cool breeze. He actually felt the same way.. so, were you two dating now? I guess you hadn't really officially asked. But just knowing was enough for now..

"Y/n!!" Your thoughts were interrupted as you looked behind you to see Shuu running up to you. He panted lightly in front of you as you chuckled lightly. He finally stood up straight.

"I didn't get to officially ask.." he mumbled before looking into your eyes, "Will you actually go out with me?" He smiled brightly at you. You stifled a laugh as you looked away from him for a second. when you looked back he was pouting lightly, but the blush on his cheeks was evident.

He tensed lightly as he felt your cold hands meet his face. He stared back up into your eyes as you smiled at him. "Of course." You nodded at him.

He smiled softly as he grabbed your hands in his. "Even if I wear the wrong uniform for the rest of my school days?" You chuckled lightly. "There's a reason I keep so many spare ones Y'know."

"Wait.. WHAT?!?" Toru screamed as he read the text from Shuu. The text in question read:

"Guess who's finally not single anymore!! This guy right here!! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧"

—

"Shuu's actually dating someone?! Who would be crazy enough to actually go for him.. I didn't even know he was talking to anyone." Yoshikawa questioned. The group was sitting in the student council room during some free time, and everyone was staring at Toru as he explained the text.

"I didn't either. I'm honestly just confused. Like what the heck?" Toru said as he stared down at the text. "Maybe it's someone from a different school?" Miyamura questioned. "Mhm, I don't really see Shuu ever talking to people from other schools. It's a theory though." Sengoku thought out loud.

"is it really a big deal though.?" Yanagi questioned the group. "Yes!!" Toru, Hori and Yoshikawa all yelled, startling the boy.

You opened the door as they continued talking, a grin adorning your face as you sat down. "What's got you so giddy today L/n?" Sengoku questioned as everyone briefly looked at you. "Oh nothing~!" You spoke with a happy tone that slightly confused everyone around you. Toru sighed as he looked at you. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about who Shuu's dating, would you Y/n?" He questioned as he showed you the text. You smiled at it as you leaned back in your chair. "I actually do know something."

Everyone immediately looked to you in anticipation. "So you do know! Did you two talk about it during the project?" Sengoku questioned. "Yeah, actually." You nodded with a smile. "So spill! Does she go to our school?" Hori questioned.

"Yeah, the girl Shuu is dating does go here." You nodded at her. "That's weird that none of us have heard of her then." Miyamura thought. "Especially from Iura.." Hori thought.

You couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the group. Suddenly Hori looked straight at you, pointing accusatory. "Come on! You obviously know who it is Y/n!!" You looked away with a smirk. "Hm? Me? Not a clue."

"Come on woman you have to spill!!" Sengoku yelled as the door opened up. "Heyo!!" Everyone's heads turned at the hyper voice of the very man they were talking about. Shuu stood there confused as everyone was surrounding you.

"Uhm— why are we interrogating Y/n?" He questioned with a tilt of his head. "Shuu!! Come on man you have got to tell us who you're dating!" Toru yelled as he shook his shoulders quickly. "Wh-What that's what you're all after?!" Shuu said as he continued to be shook by Toru.

You chuckled lightly, until you finally noticed the yellow hoodie underneath Shuu's blazer. You stood up quickly startling Sengoku who was right beside you. "Shuu!" You ran up to him after Toru had released him, grabbing onto the collar of his Hood. "What did I just say yesterday after I left!?" You groaned, moving your hands to pinch his cheeks.

"owch- you awlso swaid you had spawes!!" He tried to say as you continued to pull at his cheeks. "That doesn't mean you can just go through all of them!" You yelled. Shuu laughed as he pulled your hands away from his face. "N/n, you're gonna make my cheeks all sore.." he smiled down at you.

You smiled up at him lightly with a sigh. "I guess it's not that big of a deal for today." You gave in. "Yayyyy," he expressed as he pulled you in his chest for a hug. You "begrudgingly" hugged him back with a huff.

As you two released each other you looked back to your friends, who were all staring at you with shocked expressions. "Wait.. whaaaat ?!" Hori yelled, Yoshikawa was jumping with excitement and the rest of them all stared in shell shock. You grinned mischievously at their reactions, tricking them even if it was just for a moment was entertaining to say the least. "Since when!?" Hori yelled, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Since yesterday, technically," Shuu chimed in, his arm casually draped around your shoulders. "But we've been dancing around it for a while now." You chuckled a bit.

"Seriously!? Shuu, how did you manage to land someone like Y/n!?" Toru exclaimed, still in disbelief. You chuckled with a nod at him. Shuu shrugged with a grin. "Guess I just got lucky," he replied, his gaze fondly drifting to you.

Yoshikawa squealed with delight, unable to contain her excitement. "I knew it! You two always seemed to have some kind of chemistry," she exclaimed, earning nods of agreement from a few others.

Sengoku spoke up with a light smirk. "Well, well, looks like all the complaining about him I had to endure was just some weird cover up, talk about lame." he jokingly sighed. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," you retorted, but the smile on your face betraying the annoyance in your voice.

As the school day finished and all your usual student council duties were through, you said your goodbyes to Sengoku Kouno and Remi. Shuu who had actually stayed behind with you for your usual club activities walked you home, his hand intertwined with yours. The wind blew lightly with the cold weather, but you surprisingly felt warm for once.

As you reached your doorstep, you turned to Shuu with a smile. "Thanks Shuu. For walking me home." You nodded at him.

Shuu's eyes sparkled with happiness as he smiled brightly back at you. He squeezed your hand a bit. "Not a problem." He leaned down, planting a small kiss to your forehead before turning away with a wave. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, wearing the correct uniform!"

You chuckled as your cheeks heated up. "You better!" You yelled after him as he ran off.

#iura shuu x reader #shuu iura x reader #horimiya x reader #shuu iura #shuu x reader #iura x reader #syu iura x reader #iura syu x reader #glitchs✧works

62 notes · View notes

sleepyowlwrites · 10 months

Text

hey, rioters and gentlefolk, a thought.

so the reason I dislike all those "you should be writing" posts and always scroll past them with an eyeroll is that I fundamentally disagree. mostly. if you write fulltime and it's your job then yeah, probably you should be doing that over just scrolling, but most of us here in the writer's-tumble-down-wip-mountain-blr are doing it as a hobby, for FUN, because we enjoy it. yes?

my dad's main hobby right now is building lego kits of various planes and other vehicles. he enjoys it. but if he's scrolling on whatever site he frequents instead of doing that, he's not in the wrong. he doesn't need to devote a certain amount of time every day to building part of a new lego sculpture. it's a hobby. he can do it when he wants to.

so like, when I'm off work, sometimes I like to write, because it's my hobby and I enjoy it, but sometimes I like to do many other things that are also for fun, because I enjoy them as well. and I don't consider it lost time or a waste of that fun just because I wasn't participating in my MAIN hobby.

there are a select few of us to whom those posts apply, and even then they're on thin ice. I don't think we have to scold ourselves publicly - even as a joke - for not partaking in this fun thing we all do at all free hours of our lives.

and I realize I'm posting this on my writeblr, on my blog supposedly dedicated to my writing. I also think it would be beneficial for me to offer myself some more structure and follow-through on my projects, just for my own contentment and brain function.

I feel like we can all too often slip into perpetuating this cycle of yelling at ourselves for not keeping up with our writing, as if this hobby we choose to do willingly is screaming back at us from the closet we've shut it in. it may seem all in good fun. but sometimes it isn't. sometimes we're letting ourselves feel discouraged for no good reason, because again, this is for fun. we do this for fun. right?

so if you see this, sure, you could be writing. but there are no great powers up on top of the wip mountains ready to strike you with lightning if you're not. be kind to yourself, even your writing self.

please. <3

#sleepy says #writeblr #writeblr community

201 notes · View notes

neurosharky · 2 months

Text

The Parts of ASPD That You Don't See

This post will only contain my personal experience and opinion. It may not be applicable to every other person with ASPD and may likewise be relatable for people who do not have it.

This post aims to educate, provide insight and contribute to the diversity of ASPD experiences. It is not gonna try to excuse any harmful actions/beliefs, nor does it want to encourage others to imitate those.

Once again, this is just my own experience and does not speak for the whole community, nor is it a reflection of my actual current actions or how good of a person I am.

Abbreviations:

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

In my time as a mental health (and specifically ASPD) educator on instagram I have published a total of 65 ASPD themed posts and have written countless answers to peoples questions and rambles on my story and in my direct messages.

If you would read most of that, you would have a pretty good understanding of my ASPD symptoms and ways this condition affects me, but you would still be missing quite a bunch of things.

So this my attempt at showing you some things I have not talked about (at all or much) yet, in order to contribute to more accurate representation, as well as practising vulnerability:

1. Whenever I am confronted with someones suffering, misery, hurt, etc. my first thought is not kind or pleasant. Even if that person is my friend, my family member, or someone suffering from something I equally suffer from. My first thought will always be mean, insulting and full of blame towards the other person. In my head I will scream at you to be less sensitive, that its all your fault, that I wish you'd stop whining and bother someone else with it. If I do not feel like engaging with it at all, my next few thoughts will be equally mean and I will rationalize not having to help you or engage with you, until it looks like the most logical way for me to proceed.

2. If I do feel like engaging with someone who is suffering, or if I have to, in order to socialize, make friends, keep friends, etc. it takes a lot of effort and work for me to do it right. You will never see that effort and work, you will never be able to appreciate it and for that I despise you, even if its not your fault or responsibility. It makes me irrationally angry if people do not thank me properly for doing the bare minimum and do not appreciate me helping them, being kind and being a good friend. Being kind, for me, is keeping my ASPD at bay, like a rabid dog on a chain and doing the exact opposite of what my brain is telling me to do. I have to choose to do that every single day in every single moment, every single interaction, time and time again, while desiring a level of appreciation for it, that no one can ever fulfill. This makes it even harder to choose kindness again, because it does not give me what I yearn for, yet I do it, because at least I'll get something in return, even if it will never be enough.

3. I am not always able to handle my money responsibly. If you would leave me alone in a casino and I would start playing a game, I would not stop until I lose everything, because I already cannot stop myself from doing that in online games with game currency. Next to that I am incapable of stopping myself from buying something once I decided I want it. If I want something, I'll get it and I'll bad talk everything else, just so I get what I want. I can rationalize any purchase, so I actively have to avoid things where I know I couldn't control myself, as well as constantly remind myself that luxury isn't needed, even tho thats all I desire. ASPDs impulsivity, irresponsibility and the disregard for everything else, make it hard to keep myself in check and I despise not being in control of myself. On top of that it makes me irrationally angry to see people criticize the lifestyle I wanna have, despite knowing that they're theoretically right about the base thought.

4. I am angry at myself for being scared of things, for being incredibly soft at times, for needing a specific level of care, for needing help, for not being able to live entirely independently, for not having been more careful with my choices years ago, for having let people hurt me, for still being affected by my trauma, etc. In short I am angry with myself, for not actually being that cold ruthless genius my ASPD tried to make me. I feel as if I failed my own brain & by extension myself, by not even properly becoming what it wanted me to be. My brain tried to protect me and I couldn't even let it do that, because I just had to be a soft little baby and cling to certain parts of my childhood & personality. Part of this hatred is internalized ableism, but part of it is also just an inability to accept, that its okay to be like this now, because there is no longer a threat I need to be protected from and even if there was, I can do it on my own now.

5. Being in recovery and having moved on from some of my more harmful behaviours, beliefs and views, as well as being a little more responsible & knowledgable about social rules, also means, that I now get to look back on my childhood, teens and early adulthood and get to see all of the mistakes I made, that I previously could not see. I get to see all of the bad decisions, all of the ways in which I may have permanently harmed people and in their eyes I will forever be that person. I can't feel sorry for what I've done, I can't have emotional empathy with them, but I can still wish I had not done those things & fuck I wish I hadn't. I hate that for most of the people who have ever known me, I will be the villain in their story and I hate that if any of them were to ever publicly call me out, they would never be able to understand why I did what I did, how much I have changed and that none of it was ever personal (as well as that some things where I broke social rules were never even intentional). It partially terrifies me and partially makes me me wish I had known better (next to wishing I had never been damaged enough to do it in the first place).

6. It makes you feel so far removed from being human, when you just cannot do what everyone else does. I wish I could form deep bonds, I wish I could cry more, I wish I was emotionally moved by sad scenes & people passing, I wish I could love deeply, I wish I could be really passionately involved in fandoms, I wish I could feel happiness for others, I wish I could experience deep levels of guilt & shame so I know what its like to feel remorse...I just really wish I could be that deeply connected with other beings around me. I know its not always fun, I know its exhausting and I know it hurts and on most days I am glad I don't have to go trough that, but on some days I just crave being that level of human and wish I knew what its truly like, because no description will ever suffice. I know that I am still human, even if I have ASPD, but it just doesn't feel the same when you don't have access to a huge majority of the human social features, that are supposed to define us. Its lonely, its othering and it just sucks, even tho I can appreciate my brain trying to protect me.

That was just six things and I am running out of space, so heres an incomplete bullet point list with little to no explanation:

• the constant fight between survival & what it could be like if I truly tried to thrive

• receiving disgusted or weird looks in every conversation, because you are just so obviously different when you socialize and switching between being angry about it & terrified by it

• having way too many "well that could have hurt/k*lled me" moments, because little danger awareness & care for urself

• denying yourself parts of life, because your brain thinks they make you "weak" or you said you didn't care about them and now you can't let people see you care, because you know they'll make fun of it/you, which is why you developed a no care attitude in the first place

• people describing people like you as lazy, immature, not deserving of good things etc. and having that fuck with your progress, self esteem & identity

• knowing that people will always believe others over you, because you are the lying manipulating cunning guy, even when you tell the truth & knowing you can't do shit about it

first posted on my insta account (same @)

#actually aspd #aspd #mental health education #antisocial personality disorder #mental health #antisocial #aspd awareness #aspd feels #aspd thoughts #aspd safe #aspd stigma #aspd tag #aspd traits #aspd things #aspd mood #mental heath awareness

59 notes · View notes

tetsunabouquet · 10 months

Text

Ruby Gillman and what its reception showcases what's wrong with children's media today

Here is the link to the specific reblog that contains both a production fantheory about Chelsea and my initial review for anyone interested in that: https://www.tumblr.com/tetsunabouquet/722833498719879168/alright-considering-the-massive-heat-of-the-past?source=share Alright, as an aspiring children's author and as someone studying writing classes with children's literature as the particular focus, I have made a couple of posts about my issues with children's media already, or rather, the problems with the people making and critqueing it. Ruby Gillman's reception, like the reviews from critics and people who dislike the movie alike, actually showcases multiple examples of what makes so many movies/shows aimed at children or the family, poor nowadays: Ruby has been critiqued for being 'too cute', and that they should just 'embrace the monster'. Only this doesn't work when young children are also part of the target demographic. There's a reason to why bad guys are written to be ugly, and why good guys are written to be good looking: It's that the brain of the average child isn't developped enough to understand nuance. The younger the child, the more you have to REMOVE nuance. That's also why, when Queen Nerissa/Chelsea becomes all-powerful, she becomes ugly. It's because she's the bad guy in that moment. It's why she lacks a sympathetic backstory, as we see with a lot of villains nowadays. It's because, again, the more nuance there is to the character, the less a child will actually understand the character. It's why the Gillmans claim they're from Canada: because I've seen enough of American media to know Canadians are practically treated like another species. To a child, this explanation would actually somewhat work, especially to a 6 year old or younger The adults screaming about that and how anyone can see Ruby isn't human are thinking too much like adults. They don't try to see it from a child's perspective, and that's the main core to all the problems behind children's media nowadays: They don't 'dumb' themselves down enough to the perspective of a young child. When watching the movie, I definitely felt like the Gillman family was also close to its ideal target demographic: families with daughters ranged between 10-13 and younger siblings of about 5+ years old. And it did well for a movie aimed at such a group. It lacked enough nuance for young kids to understand, and the theme of womanhood would speak to pre-adolescent girls. Also, the way the media keeps comparing this to Turning Red because they were both magical metaphors for womanhood and female puberty and speaks of the generations of womanhood is annoying. Are you telling me that with the shitload of movies that America produce per year alone, they never produced 2 animated movies dealing with coming of age and manhood in the span of 16 months? This speaks once again, of how men have difficulty relating to female struggles and will hate on a movie centering girls growing up, opposed to how women have little to no difficulty symphatizing and relating to movies of boys growing up. Boys only want male protagonists, whilst we women can care less. The moment we get even more then one animated movie dealing with the idea of female puberty in the span of two years, the press immediately descends to pit one movie against another. Oh my god, imagine being that pathetic. That wouldn't be me.

#ruby gilman #ruby gillman teenage kraken #ruby gillman #children's media #children's brain #what's wrong with children's media #child's perspective #this movie was well written for its intended audience #these movies weren't made with adult brains in mind #allow children to have their thing #allow girls to have their coming of age movies

180 notes · View notes

stardust-walker · 9 months

Text

For Cryin Out Loud

Eddie is having a bad day so Steve comes home and takes care of him. They take a bath together and end up fooling around because they're 2 idiots in love. Part of my little Hard of Hearing/Deaf Steve little one-shot I wrote that is apparently growing a mind of it's own and turning into a little series of one shots!

There may be minor typos but I haven't posted this on AO3 yet but it's been sitting in my word docs for a solid month so enjoy!

rated: E

cw: smut!! my first time really writing anything bc these boys changed my whole brain chemistry i swear 2 u

border by cafekitsune!

Steve has a feeling that it hasn’t been a good day when he walks in and he doesn’t see Eddie, but he can hear the music playing from the bathroom. The music gets louder as Steve walks through the door and calls out a greeting, almost like Eddie is cranking the music for him too. Steve can recite the opening lines to You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth from memory at this point and he thinks Eddie must be doing the same thing in the bathtub upstairs.

Eddie had bitched up a storm at first but Steve reminded him more than enough times that it was a gift and he couldn’t be an asshole about it. He tries to listen a little closer as he mills around the kitchen cutting up fruit and gathering snacks to bring up with him. The song comes to a close as he starts back towards the hallway with his hands full of a peace offering. And yep there it is. The mixtape starts over after a few minutes of silence in which Eddie must have been rewinding the tape. He wonders how long Eddie’s been up there. Probably since Robin left for work a little over an hour ago if he had to venture a guess. Steve moves a little faster as he hums along to For Cryin Out Loud.

“You know, Meat Loaf really knew what he was talking about with this one,” Eddie had said one of the first times they listened to it together. The song had hit the 5-minute mark and Eddie was bobbing his head to the music. Steve just watched him, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, totally,” Eddie’s smile was infectious and Steve felt like he was going to orbit another planet. He practically melted when Eddie leaned in to kiss him just as Meat Loaf continued to sing about how of course he loved whoever he was singing to. It was like Eddie himself was screaming it from the rooftops. So when Steve decided to make Eddie a mixtape, it was no surprise that was the first song he put on there.

Gareth had caught Eddie listening to the mixtape once. More like he’d gotten into the car with him and stared in horror at the radio before declaring that Eddie was some sort of saint for listening to Guns n’ Roses. At least according to Eddie, but Steve had just smiled and pointed out that he’d caught him strumming the opening notes to Patience more than a few times.

Steve couldn’t help but think the song was a little close to home for him. He climbed the last few stairs and he could hear Eddie singing the chorus quietly to himself. When Eddie started whistling along, Steve let out a laugh.

“Steve?” The water splashes slightly. Eddie must have sat up in the bath.

“Yeah,” he calls out before he enters the bathroom and leans against the doorway. Eddie reaches out to turn down the stereo with wrinkled fingers and Steve couldn’t stop the fond smile from creeping onto his face.

Eddie eyes the plate of fruit with hungry eyes before his gaze shifts back to Steve. “Is that for me?”

“I was thinking we could share actually unless you’re feeling greedy.” He crosses the room and sets the plate down on the closed toilet lid. Steve wrinkles his nose in concentration as he slowly kneels down next to the tub. In the background, Tom Petty is starting to sing about some girl who loves Elvis. “Hey,” he whispers as he brushes the hair out of Eddie’s eyes. They’re a little swollen and Steve frowns. “Bad day?”

Eddie shrugs and lets out a shaky breath. “Kind of.” He runs a hand over the surface of the water as he looks away. Steve doesn’t push it. He could easily say that the incident during spring break was 3 years ago. Vecna’s been dead for 2. But he gets it; none of them will probably really be over it. A lot of them bear the scars and the damage from it still, Eddie included. Steve notices how some days it’s harder than others for Eddie to get out of bed in the morning. Instead of saying anything, he leans in and brushes his lips over Eddie’s cheek. Eddie sighs and when Steve pulls back, the other man’s eyes have fluttered shut.

“Do you want me to get in?”

“Yeah,” Eddie’s voice cracks. He opens his eyes and they stare at each other for a second. Eddie’s big brown eyes make him look even more open and vulnerable as he scoots back against the wall. “Sit in front of me though. I want us to look at each other.”

Steve nods because who is he to not give Eddie what he wants? Eddie drums on the side of the tub as Steve rises to his feet and starts to shed his clothes. He can see Eddie in the mirror as he rests his cheek on his arm to get more comfortable looking at him. His heart swells. Eddie is mouthing the words to the next song as it starts and Steve thinks about how Eddie bitched when Steve begged him to buy the newest album from The Cure. Steve had tried not to cry the first time he heard Lovesong. Seeing Eddie mouthing the words at him makes him feel totally different. But still, he tries to control himself because Eddie is having a bad day. As much as they both might want it, he’s pretty sure that fucking in the bath isn’t going to work out anyway.

Steve takes his hearing aid out and takes a moment to adjust to the slightly more muffled sounds around him. Steve’s half-hard just from the weight of Eddie’s staring at him. He pulls his underwear off and places them with the rest of his clothes before he turns to face the tub.

Eddie’s face lights up in a way that makes Steve laugh. “Hey, gorgeous.” He leans back and wrinkles his nose as he moves his leg to make room. Steve lowers himself into the tub which is pretty warm still. Eddie probably filled it up again while he was downstairs.

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” he winks. Eddie laughs. Steve is so fucking in love with him that it hurts. “Did you actually wash your hair or were you just half underwater?”

“Hm,” Eddie hums as he slides lower into the water. “I plead the fifth.” He sighs as the water reaches the middle of his chest.

“You’re so gross,” he rolls his eyes and dodges the small splash of water sent his way. “I was going to offer to wash it for you but now I don’t want to.”

Eddie pouts. “Only if you want to.” The unspoken fear of being a burden is still there and Steve gets it. He really does. So he motions for Eddie to sit up and move closer before he reaches behind him for the shampoo. Eddie winces as he bends his knee a little too fast. “You’re too good to me.”

Steve is faintly aware of the fact that Dio starts playing and it’s one of Eddie’s favorites. Naturally.

“No, I’m not. Now shut up and close your eyes.”

“Yes, sir,” Eddie smirks as he closes his eyes and tilts his head back slightly, baring his neck to Steve. He ghosts his fingers over the scar on his neck. They match and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be over it. Eddie shivers slightly as he leans in and presses a kiss right to the center of his throat before he starts on washing his hair. It’s hard to gauge how gentle is the right amount when it’s not your hair but he tries his best. Skillful fingers comb the knots from Eddie’s hair as he relaxes, eyes only squeezing shut tighter when it’s time to rinse the suds out.

Steve cups the other man’s scarred cheek in his hand when he’s done and Eddie’s eyes flutter open. “There he is,” he whispers.

Eddie smiles as he leans in, his hands settling on his boyfriend’s biceps and there’s something heavier about his gaze now. “You’re really something else, you know.”

Part of Steve feels bad for the fact that he kind of likes the days that are like this. It’s a bad day but he can still bring Eddie back from it. They can take their time and take care of each other in whatever way they need to. Sometimes it’s just cuddling and talking about it. Sometimes Eddie doesn’t want to talk at all or Steve can’t bring himself to put in his hearing aids and connect with the world. They just deal with whatever they need.

Eddie licks his lips. Steve watches as the water drips down from his bangs and slides down the side of his face before it stops right on his cupid’s bow. He’s pretty sure it’s shit like this that Warrant is singing about in Heaven because Jesus fuck it’s insane.

Steve ducks in, nose bumping against Eddie’s as he does, and when he kisses him, their teeth click. Eddie’s smiling and it’s like a switch flips in his head. Eddie sighs against Steve’s lips as his wet hands slide up his arms to grip his shoulders. He knows they shouldn’t do anything, at least not here. He just can’t bring himself to do anything to stop it when Eddie slides forward almost into his lap. Steve groans as Eddie nibbles at his bottom lip. His hips buck up slightly and Eddie yelps as Steve slides backward an inch.

They pull apart and Steve stares at Eddie: his pupils are blown wide and his freshly washed hair starting to curl already and he can’t take it anymore. “Let’s go to bed” Eddie leans in and whispers. Christine McVie is singing through the speakers about how she’d be with someone anywhere and everywhere. He fucking gets it and he’ll scream it from the rooftops one day.

He’s gentle when he helps Eddie out of the tub and towel dries his hair. Their hands wander and the only other sound in the room aside from the music is Eddie’s quiet singing and the occasional gasp or laugh. They leave the music blaring as they hurry down the hall. When Eddie lays on the bed and motions for him to follow, Steve thinks that one day he’ll kiss every fucking scar that the Upside Down left on him if he hasn’t already.

He doesn’t need to be told twice and they’re both laughing as Steve kisses his way up Eddie’s left side. He takes special care to kiss as much of his scarred-up chest as he can. Eddie sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Steve,” he whispers in a way that makes all the pistons in his brain fire. “Stevie, come on.”

Right now is about Eddie, so he starts moving again. Licking and kissing and biting his way up his lover’s neck and he’s already starting to fall apart just a little. Steve curses himself for not putting his hearing aid back in. Now he’s missing out on every little sound Eddie makes even though he has them committed to memory by now. Steve plants a hand on the bed on either side of the man as he pulls away. Eddie’s hair is splayed out on the pillow like a halo and Steve swallows hard as he tries to burn the sight into his brain. There’s a part of him that wants to see it every time he closes his eyes because there can’t be anything better than that.

“What do you want,” he whispers as he eyes the man beneath him with hungry eyes.

“You.” Eddie grins up at him. Steve grins right back as he presses himself down onto him. Eddie groans and Steve crashes their lips together and swallows the sound right up. Eddie slips his tongue into his mouth. Steve trembles a little as a hand slides down his back, fingers tracing down his spine in a feather-light touch. The fingers on Eddie’s other hand wind into his hair and Steve lets out a groan that mirrors Eddie’s own. It’s like a feedback loop.

They’re barely touching each other. Just grinding against each other and only breaking away to breathe until Steve sits up enough to feel around on the bedside table until he snatches up the lube. Eddie’s dick twitches in interest and yeah. He’ll give him whatever the fuck he wants whenever he asks. Within reason. So sue him. The way that Eddie’s big brown eyes stay focused on him as he flips the cap and pours lube onto his fingers is enough to make him crazy.

“This okay?”

His bangs flop in front of his eyes with how fast he nods his head. He parts his legs almost like it’s an instinct by now as Steve moves to kneel between his knees. Steve watches just as closely and he feels his breath catch when Eddie starts to melt under his touch. It’s just one finger circling his rim at first and Eddie pulls his legs in tighter as he sighs. By the time Steve has two fingers inside of him, Eddie is panting quietly. Steve curls his fingers and he hits that spot that he knows has Eddie seeing fireworks. He can’t stop himself from kissing his way up his chest again, fingers still moving inside of him.

When he’s close enough, Eddie grips him by the hair and tugs him up gently. He crashes their lips together with an intensity that leaves Steve gasping. Eddie’s all over him. All-encompassing as their mouths move together and they breathe each other in. Eddie’s thighs are trembling as they wrap around Steve’s waist. Steve pulls his fingers out of him slowly.

Then there’s so little space between them that neither of them can reach down and wrap a hand around both of them to jerk off. That might be what Eddie wants, but Steve thinks it’s close enough as he breaks the kiss only to latch onto the soft skin of his neck. Eddie’s voice is muffled and Steve lets out a confused sound as he gets shoved back by a palm to the forehead. “Wrong side,” Eddie sighs before he guides Steve to the other side of his neck and Jesus Christ he likes this angle a lot better. It’s like Eddie realizes what he needs. The hand that guided him moves to the back of his hair and the other cradles the side of his face like he’s something precious.

Steve’s hips jerk and Eddie hisses almost right in his ear. “Fuck yeah just like that. Come on.” The gasps and whispers guide him better than anything else as they grind against each other. They’re so close that he can feel the muscles in Eddie’s stomach start to tense up. He can hear his breathing pick up and the soft moans that start to spill out even when he’s trying to hold them back. Eddie’s close and so is he. It’s almost painful when he manages to sit up to slip a hand between them and it only takes two hard jerks for Eddie to finally break.

He takes in everything. He always does. The way Eddie throws his head back against the pillows and his eyes roll back just a little bit before he squeezes them closed. The way he blushes red right down to the scars on his chest. It’s the way that Eddie groans out his name that sends Steve right over the edge with him. He slumps forward, trembles, and curses through his own orgasm as he buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder. “Fuck,” he pants out as he wipes his hand on the sheets. They have to do laundry anyway.

His arms feel a little like jello as he pushes himself up off of his boyfriend. Eddie smiles up fondly at him as Steve leans in to kiss him. He stops halfway there as Eddie lets out a short laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Eddie shrugs as he reaches up and brushes a stray piece of hair from Steve’s forehead. “Hi.”

The gentleness of it throws him off and he sputters. “Hi?”

Eddie laughs as he pulls him down again. “You know, I think I’m having a better day now.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he twirls a strand of Eddie’s hair between his fingers. “Oh, you don’t say?”

“Yeah, well you know. When the prettiest guy in Hawkins tries to woo you, it’s kind of hard to stay suffering.”

“Oh poor baby.”

“I think pizza would really secure the wooing,” Eddie sighs dramatically as he turns his head to pout at his boyfriend.

“You’re a pain in the ass.” Steve snorts as he pulls himself into a sitting position.

Eddie gasps and mockingly grabs his chest. “But you love me!”

“For cryin out loud?” Steve quirks an eyebrow before he leans over to kiss Eddie on the forehead.

“And all that other shit the guy sings about.”

“You’re a sap.”

“Takes one to know one, Stevie!”

#steddie #steve harrington #deaf steve harrington #steve harrington x eddie munson #my writing stuff #steddie smut #plz be gentle im SHY #im throwing this into the void and running away

63 notes · View notes

dailyadventureprompts · 2 years

Note

Do you have any advice on making easier puzzles? I LOVE puzzles, I grew up with adventure games where sometimes why something was the correct solution wasn’t obvious and I loved it because it made me think outside the box. My players … they suck at puzzles. They’re missing so many encounters and loot so they’re under level and under prepared half the time. They aren’t exploring or learning anything about the world. But I haven’t found a good way to tone them down without handholding them.

DM Tip: Puzzling it Out

While puzzles seem almost quintessential to the d&d experience, one of my greatest criticisms of how the game is currently handled is that there's almost no advice available to dungeonmasters about how they should go about designing or running puzzle encounters to maximize the fun at their table. We've got vague ideas about riddle doors, big setpiece traps, and clever envriomental mechanisms from the media we consume, but no idea how to translate those things into a format that works well in TRPGs.

Part of the problem is that there's no head's up display or physical feedback in a game of imagination like d&d: players are purely at the whims of the DM and what information they're willing/capable of providing, forcing everyone to spend a lot of time asking clarifying questions or trying out options that won't work. This grinds sessions to a halt, as not only do players need to figure out how to solve the puzzle, but spend twice as long figuring out what the puzzle is on top of figuring out if there even IS a puzzle in the first place.

Below the cut I'm going to give specific advice about how you as a DM can be better about implementing puzzles for your players in game:

My number 1 piece of advice for running a puzzle is to be OBVIOUS about it: Hint at the mechanisms involved when you initially describe the room and make them do something when the players poke at them. One of the greatest tools I've given to my party is letting them ask " what's the puzzle here?", at which point you describe the goal of the puzzle, the problem that they're faced with, and the different options they can interact with. You can keep some things out of the description, hidden or missing imputs, broken mechanisms that need improvisation or repair, but if you can be perfectly clear with what the puzzle is at the beginning , the party can dedicate their brains to trying to solve it from the get go, rather than spending most of their time at the table poking around in the dark. When they've done what you need them to do, make it obvious: have the door pop open, play the zelda "puzzle solved" sound, scream " YOU'VE SOLVED MY FIENDISH PUZZLE" in the dorkiest wizard voice you can manage, anything to let them save time and get back to the rest of the session.

No skill checks during puzzles: nothing's more annoying than knowing the answer to something and then being forced to try and retry because the dice aren't being kind. Players likewise shouldn't need perception checks to figure out basic elements of a puzzle's functionality anymore than they should need to roll to figure out if a door blocking their way is locked. The one exception to this is when they've devised a bullshit way to circumvent the challenge that's too flimsy to work on its own and needs a bit of the luck-gods blessing on order to work.

Puzzles eat up session time, so if you want to get things done this session use them as gates for optional content. Alternatively, Consider introducing a puzzle at the end of a session giving the party a whole week to think about solutions to get past it. People are generally really bad at problemsolving under pressure, and there's no reason your precious game time should be sacrificed just because the group doesn't feel like doing verbal trial and error for three hours.

General Puzzle tips

Everything I wrote in my post about “Proactive DM Voice” applies to running puzzles, you want to point your party at the problem give them an understanding that time is limited and that their decisions matter.

When they attempt a solution, tell them why it seems not to be working and if the reason is because they’re missing something, tell them that they’re missing something.

To make your puzzles more interesting without making them complex is to have them missing pieces, either intentionally sabotaged or simply broken from long years of neglect. This lets you highlight two advantages d&d has over other puzzle games: improvisation and exploration. Having your players come up with wild solutions is half the fun of including puzzles in your games.

On the note of exploration, try to include atleast two different solutions to every puzzle somewhere nearby, whether they be lost parts for the puzzle or a means of bruteforcing the barrier it would normally unlock. This lets your players feel smart, even if its not the exact sort of smart the puzzle’s original builder would have intended.

One of the best ways to use puzzles is to use them to double up on dungeon rooms: placing a fight or other challenge in the same chamber as the puzzle to add a more interesting backdrop.

If your party is really stuck on something, rather than letting them make an intelligence check to know the answer, describe how the mechanism of the trap works and ask how they think they’d get past it/break it. Looking under the hood like this does give them a leg up, but still requires enough problemsolving to make them feel smart.

Environmental puzzles:

These are going to be your bread and butter for most ruined or abandoned dungeons, created either by intention or because objects in the environment landed just so to create a knot that the party now needs to untangle

Rather than letting your party flounder on something that isn’t solvable never be afraid to say “That doesn't seem to do anything right now” or “looks like you’re missing a piece before you can make this work”. It’s videogamy, but your players will thank you for respecting thier time.

One of the best ways to give your party an advantage when dealing with environmental puzzles is to take the central mechanic of the puzzle and have them encounter a simplified version of it early on. Puzzle about getting an elevator unstuck? Have them do the same to a freight crane for a minor loot drop. Puzzle about draining the water from a flooded chamber? Have them empty a massive barrel so they can reach the keys inside.

If you want to be particularly devious, consider chaining environmental puzzles, making the ones they encounter earlier in the dungeon reliant on the solving of others deeper in. That gives you an excuse to reuse dungeon rooms, as the party circles back to play with the toys you’d previously singled out for later.

Riddles

Riddles are better suited to games with the fey than for locked doors, as anyone trying to keep someone out of their chambers would be better served with an actual lock or password than

The exception to this rule is “linguistic gap” riddles, where a knowledgeable partymember is making a translation from instructions on how to get past the obstacle but due to age and cultural difference the translation doesn’t exactly match up: navigating a cave by “heeding the unseen serpent” and following the sound of rushing water, or “follow pelor’s patient gaze” to see where the sun points to at a particular time of day.

If you must have riddles, use them as hints rather than obstacles, pointing out secret caches of supplies or secret passages that let the party skip past other barriers. That lets them feel smart for figuring out a shortcut, while still giving them the main road of progress to follow if they get stuck.

Riddles also work when the architect is trying to prove that they’re smarter than the intruder, Riddler style, or wants to leave behind a false clue that leads them into a greater trap.

As a design consideration consider having the awnser show up as a physical thing somewhere in the dungeon, even if it’s just a representation the party can spot, or evidence that it once existed there. People’s brains are better at drawing connections then they are at coming up with random ideas, so figuring out that “all in armor never clinking/never thirsty always drinking” pertains to a fish is a lot easier if the party noticed a lot of fish in the fountain frescos a few rooms back.

Traps

I like to think that there’s two kinds of traps, death traps, and slap traps. With the former being large indiana jones style setpieces where the players desperately need to escape, and the latter being a minor hazard that softens the party up before an actual fight.

Deathtraps are like boss encounters, and can be run either in tandem with a fight or as a sort of environmental puzzle on their own. Given that the architect probably didn’t intend for intruders to escape the method the party uses will likely be improvised, letting them feel extra clever for surviving, rather than simply lucky.

Slaptraps are either best deployed as an ongoing navigation challenge , or as an unexpected threat introduced into another encounter. The days of random 20ft pits in the middle of hallways are a dark and godless time and we should not return to them

Traps that don’t have someone maintaining them will either break or leave behind bodies which attract scavengers. These are important signposting to a delving party that a trap might be coming up, so be sure to include them before you unleash a new trap on them.

An old bit of advice Traps are put in places where the dungeon’s architect/current owner doesn’t want people to go, and as such arn’t likely to be in populated sections.

I’m tremendously fond of Dael Kingsmill’s “Click” system, which turn traps from a random suckerpunch into a tense problemsolving encounter. TLDR: When a trap is triggered the party hears a loud “click” , and has a moment to do one thing in response. This action might grant them advantage or disadvantage, or fully negate the trap’s effects on them depending on what they chose as compared with how the trap hits them. It’s important to pair these sorts of traps with a dungeon room that has some details in it, so the party can guess in advance what the trap is.

Mazes, Codes, and Physical Puzzles

Despite how essential they seem to the genre, don’t try to run these sorts of obstacles by way of actually having your players solve them. They take too long and there’s too much of a chance for miscommunication to get in the way of progress. I’ve killed far too many of my sessions dead by throwing one of these in front of my party and expecting them to solve it then and there. Consider instead using my minigame rules to simulate the trial and error of working out something complex.

Art

#DM tools #DM advice #dm tips #dm tip #dm toolbox #trap #puzzle #drafting an adventure #dungeon design #Dungeons and Dragons #homebrew mechanic #homebrew #5e homebrew #game design #adventure design

667 notes · View notes

jgetawaycar · 2 months

Text

It dawned on him.

Stretching across the sight of his brain inch by miserable inch.

The fact that he had failed to notice this in the first place was a proof enough of the insubstantiality of the progress he’d made over the years. The progress he thought he had made.

Because how else, do you get so shaken up, no matter the circumstances that you do not notice the one person who’s the reason you turned into a shell?

The irony of this dissociation wasn’t lost on him.

He wanted to laugh.

He wanted to scream.

His ass of a father to fucking off to wherever he’d disappeared to all those years ago wasn’t a want though, it was sine qua non.

Or: the one where Itadori and Fushiguro figure it out, piece by piece, that they’re two parts of a whole, always have been.

POSTED!!!

Is it really surprising that my first ever fic is Itafushi???? They're my babies atp.

Without @vuvulia, this would've remained in my notes forever so thank you bbg for pushing me to write this, mwah.

#go check it out!!!#itfs #itafushi #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #this is me pretending shibuya never happened #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #jjk fanfiction #ao3 writer

20 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

permission2cheat

Permission2Cheat

karenfordonte

Caring For Donte

headcanonthings

Headcanonthings

michaela-lovestay13

michaela 🤎

saveahorserideharrystyles

Untitled