#personally im team clothes that fit because i like it when they make my muscles look good so steve gets to be me this time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dulharpa · 4 years

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this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home - bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in 👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow??

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations!

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :((

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’ jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E I T

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol

thank you so much for everything hayley!

#i love you sm hayley!!!! thank you for EVERYTHING #AND THIS IS A FIC REC PLS CHECK HAYLEYS STUFF OUT

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femikpop · 6 years

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BTS RUN | 29 |

Tittle: BTS RUN | 29 | Words: 1.5K Pairing: Sou/Everyone; 8th Member of BTS Summary: BTS RUN ep. 29 with Sou.

‘This is our dorm. I’m wondering why we are here.’, Hoseok said, beginning the new episode of RUN BTS.

‘Again?’, Namjoon asked.

‘Yeah we’ve shot here three times already.’, Taehyung answered and everybody nodded.

‘Today we’re here to keep our promise a Billboard Hot 100 hit.’, director said.

‘Styling each other.’, Jungkook reminded everybody. Man started to explain all the rules and how will today’s episode go. Everyone was listening carefuly, trying not to miss any detail, that may help them with the game.

‘I wanted to do whole pink outfit, but then I remembered, that I threw away my pink pants.’, Jin said dissapointed. ‘And now I can’t do that.’

‘I hope, that I won’t be in pair with Jin.’, Jungkook said immediately afterwards.

‘I will create look with my favurite pajamas.’, Yoongi announced.

‘Pajamas are cool.’, Jin added and Sou nodded.

‘To be honest I would be happy if I will get pajamas set as the outfit.’, Sou said and Jin agreed with her.

‘If I’m honest, I’m scared the most about Sou.’, Jungkook said, pointing at her.

‘Yeah, she’s the only girl in the group.’, Seokjin said. ‘And she’s so tiny.’, he added in high pitched voice and came closer to pinch her cheeks. Sou immediately slapped his hands, which made everybody laugh.

‘I don’t think there are even one piece of clothing in Sou’s closet, that will fit me.’, Namjoon exclaimed.

‘And, like you said she’s a girl, so dresses and heels and normal things for her.’, Jimin said and Hoseok, that was sitting at the very end, started to whine to himself.

‘She doesn’t wear skirts and heels a lot, so we’re fine.’, Jungkook said, waving at her.

‘But it doesn’t mean, that I don’t have them in my closet.’, Sou went right back with raised eyebrow. Everybody reacted at her comment and poor Jungkook hid face in his hands.

‘I think we should agree, that you won’t give us either skirts or heels.’, Namjoon proposed a deal for her.

‘Let’s try something else.’, she said back to Namjoon, who’s eyes went big in surprise. ‘I will exclude either dresses and skirts or heels.’, Sou said her deal and boys started to thinking about it very hard.

‘But does the term ‘heels’ include boots with heels too?’, Taehyung asked.

‘Everything, that has even the smallest heel I will throw out immediately. So it means, that it will leave you with some trainers or flats.’, she explained to the rest. There was silence for a minute and then boys went together to discuss the deal from Sou.

‘It’s a tought decision and we’re a little torn apart.’, Namjoon said and they nodded.

‘But I think we should exclude dresses and skirts, because there’s no way she’ll find heels in her closet, that will be our size.’, Jungkook said and picked Sou’d foot up, putting his foot near. ‘Look, her feet are almost half my size.’

‘Genius.’, Hoseok said and high fived him.

‘Welcome to my little closet.’, Sou said, opening the door of her wardrobes. She had four in total, but this one was specific. ‘I’m actually really excited for this challenge. Boys are thinking, that all my clothes wiil be too small for them. Well they are really wrong.’, she added and took out big box from the back of her closet. ‘Few months ago, before we went to America, I ordered fe packages of new clothing. But we had to fly a little bit earlier, that we supposed to, so I couldn’t even try these. When we came back two months later, I realised, that they’re too big for me and I couldn’t give them back to the shop.’, she explained, picking out piece by piece from the box.

Sou was really thinking hard about what would be the perfect example of her style. She picked out denim shorts, grey crop top, classic leather jacket, that was always with her and pink button up shirt, that she usually would wear it around her waist.

‘God, I would almost forget about one more thing.’, Sou exclaimed and went back to her closed, picking up one more box. ‘Few days ago, director informed me about this challenge, so that I could prepare. And of course I had to order one more thing, that represents my style perfectly.’, she explained and showed black block heeled boots to the camera. They weren’t high, but they weren’t flat for sure. ‘They picked dresses instead of heels, so I’m not breaking the deal.’

‘Who’s clothes you don’t wanna get?’, camera man asked, making Sou turn back to him. She put her lips to one side of her face and looked up for a second, thinking of an answer.

‘Namjoon.’, she said after a while. Man motioned for her to extend her answer and she took a deep breath. ‘He’s really tall and his clothes will look big on me, especially because he really likes to wear baggy outfits. It’ll drown inside them.’, she added laughing.

All eight members were now in a big while room with their chosen clothers behind them.

‘Let’s look at them!.’, Hoseok said, pointing behind him.

‘I just wanna say, that I don’t want to pick Sou.’, Jungkook said, picking up shoes and shorts.

‘We said no heels!’, Seokjin exclaimed.

‘Correction: I gave you and option to chose between dresses and heels. You chose dresses and akirts and can you see any of them? No. So I didn’t do anything wrong. You should’ve been wiser when you were choosing.’, Sou said, rolling her eyes.

‘It’s all your fault.’ Taehyung screamed, pointing at Jungkook.

‘Okay, stop being dramatic and let’s start to pick out the pairs.’, Sou said emotionless and nodded at the crew members.

They started to explain them the rules of how will the be choosing pairs. The rules were simple: one person trows a rose and whoever was closer to the rose was wearing throwing person clothes. But it couldn’t be normal with all the boys. It soon went all messy and dramatic with all teams. However the real highlight was, that Hoseok had to wear Jin’s clothes and Yoongi Sou’s. Sou on the other side had to wear outfit, that she didn’t want the most - Namjoon’s. Reactions were priceless, especially Yoongi’s who realised what he has to put on in a minute.

They all went to the changing rooms to put on their outifts and went right back to the white room with black capes on. And so the fashion show started. Sou went first. She stood on the podium and with emotionless face she threw the came away, making everybody around gasp in shock.

‘#FasionableSou. Let’s get it trending.’, Jungkook said through the laugh and Sou just glared at him with pure hate in her eyes, which made him stop immediately.

‘You look like you have muscles. I guess going to the gym with Jungkook was a good decision.’, Jimin said and touched her arms.

‘Can I go home now?’, she asked with a pout and they all laughed.

‘No, because our Suga is next!’, Taehyung screamed.

Yoongi stood on the podium, where Sou was few seconds before. He threw the cape away and everyone gasped in shock. Nobody even dared to say a thing. They were just standing with opened mouths and looking at him. But then Sou ended the silence, with laugh.

‘I’m sorry.’, she said, trying to stay calm, but them she looked down on his shoes and couldn’t do it anymore.

‘I’m glad this is funny for you.’, Yoongi said, pointing at her.

It’s already known, that Jin will joke about it probably for the rest of his life. But at least it was very funny, especially for Sou. Next members were going up on the podium and showing their outfits. Stupid comments were flying all around the room, everybody laughed a lot and had so much fun, even in terrible clothes.

The last part of the episode was showing off their outfits on a runaway. They all standed in line, getting ready. Sou was of course first, like most of the times.

‘It’s my time to finally shine as a model.’, she said and when music started to play, she walked to the runaway and stopped for a moment to pose. She put her hands in the pocket of the sweater and pouted a little, making boys laugh. Sou started to walk till the end of the carpet and stopped again doing the same pose. Then she turned around, crouching at the same time. She turned her head back to the camera she send it a quick kiss, making boys scream again. After that she stood up and started walking back, moving her but as if she was twerking from time to time. But them when she crossed half way of the runaway, she turned all stoic and emotionless as if nothing had happened.

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icecreamkink · 7 years

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*slides this here bc im still Not Happy With It but i also dont know if i even wanna continue it but i need to put it somewhere also @fangirl383 might or might not shoot me with her pink gun if i dont post Another wip she liked and i promised i would ha h a*

“Listen, I know this isn’t an ideal situation—” Malfoy snorted in contempt. Harry ignored him. “But we’re doing a job and if you could not act like someone’s roping you into.. Into- What the fuck are you doing n- ow” Harry groaned as Malfoy’s elbow somehow collided with Harry’s mouth despite the fact half of his body was half on top of Harry, and, rationally, it had to be an accident. But if there was someone who would contort themselves to make Harry’s life the most difficult possible, it would be Malfoy.

“Shut up, Potter.” The git said, not even bothering to apologize.

“Will you stop moving-”

“I’m trying to get a clear view.”

“Do you need to climb on me to do that?!”

“Well actually, I do since your intelligence landed us in a literal hole,” Malfoy hissed in his ear. Harry opened his mouth to protest that, but well. It was true, his team had been the one to inspect the terrain and find them their hiding spot - a cave so narrow that was indeed more of a hole, nestled at the bottom of a cliff, large enough to fit 1.25 person lying stomach down. Or two aurors, lying practically on top of each other, as it were. The location was ideal because it had a side view of the site they believed to be the smuggling ring HQ, but far enough that the protean spells didn’t reach it, and was naturally conspicuous through dense trees and small rocks (and for being as tiny as a rabbit hole, Malfoy had grumbled moodily) so they didn’t need to use so much magic to disguise themselves. A natural hiding spot, nearly undetectable, but not particularly comfortable, Harry had to admit.

Also it was just… weird to argue with someone when they were hissing against your neck. Harry scratched his nails where Malfoy’s warm breath had tickled it.

“What do you have those dorky glasses for if you need to strain so much.” Harry muttered pettily against his wand, currently pressed between his face, his sweaty hand and a piece of rocky earth. Ugh, it was so hot in here, the air thick and still, made all the worst by the invisibility mantle they had thrown over themselves; all the places he and Malfoy touched felt as if on fire, he had dirt everywhere and Malfoy’s huffed breathing on his ear did absolutely nothing to cool him down, only gave him weird goosebumps in his spine. Harry squirmed miserably, and got a very pointed elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

“My glasses aren’t dorky” Malfoy hissed in supercilious indignation. If Harry didn’t have to risk torticollis to do so, he would have turned his head to watch his eyes flash in all his mad inventor righteous fury. “They are high level magical object research in trial period, designed to help oafs like you not get killed in the line of work. My glasses, dorky, honestly, you of all people saying that with those things you wear around since school-”

“What are you talking about, I’ve been told my glasses are quite fetching. Witch Weekly did a whole article on it.” Harry grinned as Malfoy ground his teeth. He’d take all the amusement he could get, after all, and riling up Malfoy was always so much fun.

“Oh, if the pinacle of journalism in our country, Witch Weekly printed it” Malfoy said snidely. Then, as if physically unable to stop there, he continued. “For your information, these glasses are curse repellent, heat vision, magical signature identifying ones. It won me a research funding from the Research and Extension Division-”

“Yeah alright Doc Brown, what do you see then?” Harry interrupted, stretching his back in an attempt to soothe his aching shoulders.

“Nothing uh, much. Will you keep still?” Malfoy murmured, voice strained.

“I barely even mov-” Harry started to protest in indignation, but was cut off by Malfoy’s sweaty hand suddenly pressing against his mouth.

“Shhhh, someone’s coming.” Harry immediately tensed—well, as much as he could in this current predicament, as he could barely grip his wand. Thank Merlin he’d gotten better at wandless magic.

He could hear a faint rustling sound; Malfoy moved his hand into the curve of his neck and it felt oddly comforting. Harry could feel all of Malfoy’s muscles tensing where they pressed together.

Malfoy fiddled with his wand, and Harry faintly prayed he wouldn’t accidentally stab him in the eye with it, because that was just the type of thing to happen to him.

Somebody jumped on the plateau they were directly under, boots scuffing the ground above them.

“That’s it?” A voice echoed. Harry could see Malfoy pointing his wand at another one of his “assistance magical artifacts ” or as Harry called them, his crazy inventor gadgets. It was a little box, similar to a radio, and it buzzed softly at Draco’s murmured incantation, releasing the faintest golden glow.

“Mmhm, just leave the merch on the front hall.” The person above them said. “Talk to Bre and only Bre, then get the fuck out. There’s a new shipment coming, and everyone’s on edge, don’t hang around more than you have to.” A new shipment. This could be their shot. Harry willed whoever was above them to casually drop a date. Possibly a location. And a list of names. His knees hurt.

“Right, no worries Reg. I’ll be in and out in a peep” A pair of gangly legs dangled in front of them, stumbled over a rock, and then took off briskly towards the house in the woods.

Malfoy shimmied above him, trying to get a closer look. He brought the little box close to his mouth.

“Suspect: Male, red hair, medium stature, grey robes, carrying a medium sized black box.” Malfoy said into it. A recording device, then. Clever. “Entered the house at -” he paused expectantly, and Harry cast a quick tempus “12:47, sunday the 24th. The box doesn’t appear to be the size or type for containing snakes, so it’s possible it’s another type of ‘merchandise’.” Malfoy put the recording contraption back in his pocket, balancing himself with one hand at the small of Harry’s back.

Harry scowled, unamused at being used as a cushion.

“Next time, I’m topping.” He grumbled.

“What?” Malfoy choked out, hand slipping down Harry’s back into his side, knuckles thudding against the bedrock.

“In the- the stakeout” Harry hissed, embarrassed. “I’m not your damn pillow.” He grumbled. Malfoy started to shake above him, his whole body vibrating, and with growing chagrin Harry realized he was laughing. He dropped his head into Harry’s shoulder, trying to stifle his giggles.

“Don’t worry Potter, I’ll be your pillow if you want. I’m very comfortable switching between top and bottom after all." He quipped, amusement laced in every word. Harry could feel his blush spreading like fire from his neck to the tip of his ears, and he dropped his head between his arms with a disconcerted groan.

“Oh my god, shut up.” He mumbled, and Malfoy laughed even harder, gleeful and evil, shaking Harry’s whole body. “Is there movement above us?” He said loudly, mostly to stray from the topic at hand.

“Hm.” Malfoy projected a small map of the terrain from the tip of his wand. “Nope. Reggie dear is...currently at the bottom of the hill, down the other side. You know, I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Auror Potter. You’re practically just lying there, I’m doing all the work here.” He drawled, injecting unnecessary lewdness to his voice, still faintly amused as it was. Harry could swear he seemed to be purposefully pressing even closer, his words just short of murmured against his ear.

The git.

“Lying here- How can I- You’re on top of,” Harry started, and felt Malfoy giggle again, then huffed and promptly shut up. “You’re fired.”

“You’re not my bo-oss” Malfoy sing songed, but moved out of his position anyway, sliding away from Harry and turning on his side.

Harry felt disinclined to face him while his cheeks were still flaming.

“Oh come on Potter, where’s your sense of humor?”

“You didnt seem to be in such a jaunty mood a minute ago.”

“Yes, your mortification greatly lifts my spirits.” A beat. “I’m versatile like that.”

Harry sighed, lifting his head. “I hate you so much.”

“That’s kind of why we’re here, isn’t it?” Malfoy hummed, cheek smushed against the palm of his hand. Harry made a noncommittal sound. They were here in a partly punishment mission to quote unquote ‘learn how to act like the twenty-three year old Auror you are, not a snotty fourteen year old whenever Auror Malfoy is concerned’, after his (and Malfoy’s) respective partners filed complaints against their methods and their fighting and their case-point competition. So while it was true their behavior got them here, saddled together in this weird, uncomfortable stake out, Harry wouldn’t say hate was what brought them; he didn’t argue with Malfoy or looked over his cases or felt the need to prove himself and best him out of hate, it was more of a... compulsion. It was just more - fun, in the often glum and dreary line of work they’d chosen, to have Malfoy pay attention to him, meet him at every curve and breathe down his neck. To watch him rising to his baits when he poked fun at Malfoy’s clothes and hair and (admittedly ingenous) inventions. He admitted to himself that he liked the rivalry, was motivated by it.

But, of course, Harry wouldn’t tell him any of that. And it’s not like he enjoyed Malfoy literally breathing down his neck, so Harry pulled out his wand and checked the map himself instead of answering.

“There's… something moving through the field” Harry said, looking the small dot moving in a hurry. It was too small and moved strangely for a human. Could it be...

Malfoy rolled on top of him again, straining once more to try and see the scope of land.

Harry waited, tense as Malfoy tried to get a clear view.

“Oh.” Malfoy said, muscles unlocking from his coiled stance. “It’s your reptile.”

Harry lifted his head suddenly eager in an attempt to see, banging it painfully against Malfoy’s chin in the process.

“Fuck,” Malfoy hissed, quickly rolling as far away from him as was possible, which in case meant they still touched thigh to shoulder even with Malfoy on his side with his back pressed against the stone. He sent Harry a dark look, clutching his chin; Harry patted his head as condescendingly as he could, turning back to the map, eyes glued to little wiggling dot heading for them.

“Missster Harry, Missster Malfoy” Arnaud hissed in greeting, poking his scaly face into their cave, then quickly sliding into the middle of them both. Arnaud turned his head to Malfoy, flicking his tongue in further acknowledgement since he couldn’t understand him.

“Hey” Harry greeted with a smile even as he inspected him for any sign of injuries. “Is everything alright?”

Arnaud turned to him.

“Yesss, it’s all been really quiet. They’ve mosstly kept us in the cages ssso far, and I snuck out without them ssseeing me. They’ve received five more younglings today, along with eggsss, and theress a boy bringing something else. Sssomething I couldn’t sssee.”

“Did you hear something about another shipment coming tonight?”

“Yess” Arnaud said, lifting his head. “I hear the humans talking. Tonight, at midnight.”

“The smugglers have been quiet, but more snakes and eggs were brought in today, and something else he couldn’t see. He confirms there’ll be a new shipment at midnight.” Harry translated.

“We have to report it back to the team. See if it’s the time for an ambush or to collect more data” Malfoy said. Arnaud nodded in approval.

“I should get back before they miss me.” Harry nodded, even as his stomach tightened.

“Tell him to be careful.” Malfoy said, looking out with furrowed eyebrows. Arnaud flicked both of their fingers and slithered quickly out with a hissed ‘don’t worry’.

“That’s our out then.” Harry sighed turning sideways too. Malfoy was staring at him, pressed as far back as he could against the rock wall; there was maybe an inch between them.

“You’ll write the report.” Malfoy said, trying to sit up slightly.

“What? Why?” Harry spluttered.

“You headbutted me.” Harry narrowed his eyes.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He shot back. Malfoy stared him down. Harry held his gaze. His eyes looked very dark in the shade.

“Rock parchment wand?”

“...Fine”

Malfoy was leaning against the wall of Kingsley’s office. The dark red wood set his hair off rather nicely, Harry noticed. With Arnaud perched on his shoulder like that, he could be a slytherin poster boy.

Robards was still complaining in the back, something about Harry and Malfoy competing for leads and ethics and immaturity or something. Harry wasn’t paying attention. His and Malfoy’s… methods were always questioned, but here they were, another case closed, weren’t they? That’s what should matter.

Behind Robard’s back Malfoy caught Harry’s eye, smirking minutely and winked. Harry bit the inside of his cheek. Prick.

Robards face acquired new shades of red, but Harry wasn’t listening at all. Malfoy outright grinned, bringing one hand to stroke the scales on Arnaud’s head and his stomach felt….weird. Somehow almost...fluttery?

Oh.

Well, that was inconvenient.

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aimskyymama-blog · 7 years

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New York New York

There is so much I can say about New York, but I will try to stay focused on the task at hand! :) This was Micah’s first trip and we had a blast. If you stumbled on my blog out of curiosity, welcome. If its to read about our trip, my advice or just to see some photos then stay tuned.

Although we travel a lot I wont lie, my husband and I were nervous about traveling with a 4 month old. I was a little less nervous than him. Being a flight attendant for five years has helped me. I always marveled in awe when I would watch a mama wrangle a baby and/or a toddler all by herself flawlessly. So I always took mental notes for the future (thank you super mamas). We worked as a team and didn’t let any of the small stuff sweat us or slow us down. I honestly want to give him the dad of the year award for several reasons, but more on that later…

This was a very short trip. We left Florida around 6am on a Tuesday and came back at 7pm on Thursday. I will try to break this trip down by parts so I can stay organized haha.

Flights

We each had one carry on so a total of three. I packed my bag with half of Micah’s clothes and half of my own. I made sure to pack him 2-3 outfits for each day (whatever he was wearing and 2 extra in his diaper bag just in case so about 5-6 total for the whole trip). I packed him 2 footed pajamas (he wore one on the flight there), socks, diapers, wipes, his favorite teething toy, hand sanitizer/wipes, four spit up cloths (he didn’t use all four so I think 2-3 would’ve been fine for us), his muslin blanket (he used this a lot since its light enough for hot days but can be used to keep warm when folded), one thick blanket (also never used), soap and wash cloth, no need for formula since he is breastfed (which also made this easier), his LilleBaby carrier, and his Chicco bravo travel system (which I wish we didn’t take or found another option but ill explain why below). Micah’s carry on was his diaper bag and it had the things I normally pack for him.

My husband carried the bags and pushed the stroller while I wore Micah through the airport. This is why I wish we didn’t take his travel system. Getting through TSA, gate checking it, and most of all carrying it up and down the subway stairs (FYI, most subways in NY DONT HAVE ELEVATORS) was such a pain. This is why my hubby wins the prize, he did that heavy lifting. We thought about leaving it and buying a collapsible stroller that can fit in the over head but we knew we needed it for his naps and a car seat for any car rides. That’s where I learned the hard way that you can actually request a Lyft or Uber with a car seat. Whoops, lesson number one learned. So my advice, skip the bulky stroller and try to go for a small one that can fold up like the GB Pockit Stroller (if baby is 6 mos and up) or Doona (if you need the stroller to sit at an incline for naps) which is a car seat and stroller in one.

Once we got through TSA and to our gate I carried Micah onto the plane, we checked his car seat and stroller and then put his carrier either under the seat or in the overhead bin. Micah was awesome on the flight. We purposely did an early morning one because he normally sleeps until 8-9am so we knew he would sleep on the flight. I nursed him on both take off and landing to help clear his ears of the pressure. He didn’t ever seem phased.

Once we landed in LGA we hit the ground running! We dropped off our bags, freshened up and then headed to the subway to go to the American Museum of Natural History.

Coming from Queens, this felt like it took forever. Probably because we had to take Micah in and out of the stroller to go up and down subway stairs and we had to transfer trains. Again, hubby wins the prize because he did all of the navigating. Thankfully because of him, we never took the wrong train or got lost.

I was busy keeping Micah entertained and taking pictures (I’m always the photographer on our trips). Weather was cloudy and chilly (high 60’s is chilly to Floridians). But as the day progressed the sun came out and it was gorgeous. High 70’s low 80’s. I dressed myself and Micah in layers for that reason. As the temp went up I peeled off the layers.

Food

So as most of you know I am dairy, soy and egg free because of Micah’s intolerance’s to them. Total bummer because hello, PIZZA. :( But, NY is so accommodating when it comes to allergens. Almost every food spot had their ingredients listed and/or vegan meals on the menu. I was able to find a lot of options and if you know different foods, you know what you can eat. For example, I had a delicious Panang chicken Curry from a Thai joint. I knew it was usually made without soy sauce and is made with coconut milk and I simply confirmed with them before ordering. It was delicious. I also had an amazing dairy free sourdough flat bread with their house made vegan cheese in Grand Central Station. SO damn good. But my favorite was carne and pollo asada tacos from Los Tacos No.1 in Chelsea Market. Best tacos I have ever had. I cannot recommend going there enough! I ate like five of them and I had no shame haha! Being restricted from food has been tough so to find such delicious food that fit my diet made me feel so happy. We definitely will be going back as soon as I can have cheese so I can eat my heart out with pizza. If you also have a food intolerant little babe then you know how you always have a moment of fear when checking a diaper after eating something new. I cant tell you how many times I’ve been told in a restaurant "no egg" or “no dairy” and then Micah’s poo goes from normal not smelly yellow poop to nasty, green, messy and smelly poo but we had none of that. :)

Transportation

We only took a car ride to and from the airport. We used Lyft and it was very easy and not pricey. Besides that we either used the subways or the bus. We purposely chose NY as our first trip with Micah for this reason. We found it easier to go to a destination that we can walk around vs having to rent a car and drive. The subways were pretty easy to use. We filled up a metro card that we used for both the bus and subway rides. We didn’t spend very much at all. I loved taking the subway (minus the stairs part. I know I cant get over it lol). My husband used Google maps to figure out which ones to take and where we should transfer. For the most part it was not too busy and if the car was full we waited for the next one since we had the stroller.

People were awesome (except the ones that didn’t ask to give their seat) but that was expected haha. Almost everyone held a door open for us or asked if we needed any assistance when we were carrying the stroller. I really appreciated that. We walked. A whole lot. We walked half of Central park. We started at the museum. The museum is great but it was very busy when we went. Probably best for children a little older. The noise and stimulation was a little much for Micah so we didn’t do too many exhibits. After the museum we walked to the boating lake, Bethesda fountain and then through The Mall down to 57th.

There we walked around and then finally around 4pm we started to make our journey back to Queens so we could get some early rest for the next day. I think personally, Central Park was the highlight of the trip for me. There are so many artist and musicians. For some reason being surrounded by so much nature and natural beauty but having the city around was so cool to me. I absolutely loved it and would love to go back in the fall when all of the tree’s are changing colors or even in the winter to see The Mall covered in snow.

I highly recommend using a carrier. We used ours each day and it made getting around so much easier. Unless Micah was asleep in the stroller, we tried to consistently carry him so he wouldn't get sick of being in the stroller. The carrier we used is LilleBaby. This is really a great carrier with back support (super important especially for those heavier babies)

It was very comfortable to use and Micah loved it. We bought the Airflow model because its breathable and we knew we would be walking around outside with it. It also comes with a snap on hood.

On the second day we took it much easier. We got ready and headed out to midtown. We ate breakfast at Grand Central Station and then stayed around gawking at the beauty it is.

We decided to do a little shopping in H&M (that’s where I got my super cute jean overalls on sale. Yassss). I also had to nurse Micah in the fitting room because he is SO very easily distracted now when he nurses. After that we decided to keep walking and sight seeing. Finally we decided to hop on the train and head over to Chelsea Park for a bite to eat and to explore.

Micah took his naps like a champ. All on his own. He ate, babbled, laughed, played with strangers and then on his own in his stroller he would just knock out. Then repeat. Haha. We went to the Highline which I highly recommend. Id rate that 2nd for our trip. We started around 24th street where the elevator would have been but it was just our luck that it was broken. So we muscled up and carried everything up the stairs.

We walked down to 18th on the Highline to look at the water and then like real tourist, we walked back to 24th only to realize that the Highline connects to Chelsea Market. Whoops number 2! Micah slept through it all and I had to wake him up once we were done so I could nurse him plus I thought the park was a nice place to do it. At Chelsea Market we went into every food spot like the foodies we are. I cant wait to return when im not on any kind of restricted diet!

On our last day the early AM flight we wanted to get on was full so we decided to hang around for a bit longer. We took the train and got off on the stop that took us to Gantry Plaza state park.

Then we walked towards the park and took some more photos while sight seeing. We hopped back on the train to Queens and then made our way back to LGA.

I love this photo my husband took of me nursing Micah while waiting for the train in the subway. It was hot, Micah was fussy because he was hungry, and I finally had a moment to sit and nurse him. People think its so easy to just throw a blanket over your baby (which Micah HATES) or to wait until you are somewhere private. The truth is, a hungry baby waits for no one :)

Over all we loved New York and we highly recommend it to any family that is looking to Travel to a family friendly destination. We cannot wait to go back. I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post as much as I did writing it. Hopefully you enjoyed it enough for me to continue blogging. :)

Thanks for reading!

#newyork #motherhood #travel #momblogger

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very-cherry · 7 years

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Hey. Hi. Big fan. I don't watch half of the shows that you reblog, but your enthusiasm is quality. Um.. this is super personal, so I totally understand if you don't answer, but how did you realise you were nb?

omg im so sorry you have sat through my tags for this long, buddy you deserve better lmao. but no this is super okay to talk about, and ya its personal but im alright with it bc sometimes its nice to talk about?? like its a lot easier to explain over here rather than to my family (rip) but yeah i can get into it. um, itll be under the cut tho bc its a long answer, so if my other followers (or people who may get triggered) dont wanna read like ya theres that

the short answer: i realised last year, bc of everything that piled up and me finally finding the time to sit down and Think About It.

(tl;dr: at the bottom if youre not here for the Super Long answer)

the long answer: gender had never come easily to me as a kid, like i understood that girls played with dolls and that boys played with trucks. but i also was raised in a family where girls could play with trucks too, as long as they still looked like girls. so from the get go i had a v “tomboyish” look about me, and how i presented myself. i found i was v comfy with the tomboy label growing up, bc it meant i could play with the boys but still be sensitive and emotional while the boys werent allowed to feel like that

my biggest stepping stone tbh was (is) my mother. now if youve followed me for a while you probably know that while my mother loves me, and i suppose i love her (still up in the air), our relationship is v v v v Tense. this is due mostly to the fact that she has this preconceived notion of what the world looks like, and how people should act and present themselves. for her, to have me as a child saying “i wanna dress like a boy” “i wanna be a boy” was no biggie bc i was Just A Kid and would grow up to flourish into a beautiful young woman. which, for the most part, i did. but that doesnt mean i enjoyed it. from the age i was allowed to dress myself, my mother and i would fight about my clothing choices (and i literally mean fight. she would refuse to take me somewhere if i didnt dress the way she wanted. would throw my own clothes at me or on the road outside our house etc) and she would dub my clothes “too casual” and tell me to “dress up” and “look a bit more girly, please?” which i now know is totally Gross and not v nice, but at the time i didnt know any better, i hadnt grown into myself. this, alongside many years of condemnation in regards to my interests and hobbies and things i just enjoyed and wanted to talk about, just Didnt Add Up to my mother. she loved having two pretty daughters, pretty daughters who could wear dresses and live out the life she couldnt bc she fell pregnant with my older sister at 19, and thus had to grow up v quickly (no blame on my sister tho, shes my favourite person in the world and shes trying v hard to understand me and loves me v much)

fast forward a couple years: i was 15 when i first developed my eating disorder. quite frankly, it was only upon realising that im nb as to how i figured out what my ed was Actually About. i didnt like my curves. i didnt like being “girly”. i did constant misguided ab workouts and ate three rice cakes for lunch, followed by nothing but a banana until dinner. my sleep patterns were hit and miss bc i would either write away the pain or stay up wondering what this Thing i was feeling was (spoiler: it was dysphoria). i tried super hard to love my curves, to own myself and how i looked, but it never felt Right. i never understood. i would see my psychologist and ramble about my ed and she would pinpoint it and say it was curves and i would always just say “but its not”. bc it wasnt Just Curves, it was the idea as a whole. and it was v confusing and scary, so much like my exploration into my sexuality, i just put it off.

it was combating my ed that helped me most, i think. it was getting over it, and forcing myself back into a natural sleep pattern (so i could actually do year 12 without wrecking myself). i didnt get over it until around april 2016, which was when i fell in love with the idea of self love, and decided to give it a go. i listened to my psychologist, and she was v patient with me, and was cautious with where i placed my blame (”yes its your mothers fault for making you react and feel this way, her words hurt you. but youre the one that decides what to do with that negativity”) and it was so so so helpful. she taught me that i was deserving of love, and positivity, and that loving youself is a process, and it doesnt always work the way you want it to, but you need to find what makes you happy and keep doing that. for me, that tied into my food, my talents, my friends, and my actions. im not going to sit here and claim that fitness is key to happiness, but its part of whats key to mine (to the point that i have been inspired to become a personal trainer and teach other people that being “healthy” isnt just about food and exercise). each person has their own individual things that keep them balanced, and if yours is painting your nails instead of doing sit ups fucking go for it - just make sure you find that thing, because it gives you clarity.

my clarity hit me in the beginning of year 12, when i Sat Down and really had a think. i thought back to how i wanted to look growing up, how i wanted to act, i remembered the day i first had a proper bra bought for me instead of a crop top and the way i cried for hours that night without knowing why. i remember not wearing shirts to bed and then suddenly feeling awful when i started having to. i remembered trying to wear boxer shorts and nothing else around the house and being yelled at. i remembered telling my dad i wanted to look how he did when he was 18, and yelling at him when he said “but dont you want to be pretty like your mum”. i remembered my sister cutting my hair in the dead of night in her bedroom, bc i didnt want to look the way i did. i remembered wearing all these oversized clothes to hide my chest. being uncomfortable when anyone (family or stranger) would say “lady”, “girl”, “miss”, “female”. shrinking into myself when someone pointed out my curves. looking in thw mirror and only smiling when my hands were covering and pushing my chest. looking at the scale and not seeing anything other than a number that meant i was stuck being curved. refusing to go swimming bc it meant having to wear a bikini instead of just board shorts. wanting to play on the mens basketball team, wearing mens clothes, being mad when i suddenly couldnt wear them anymore. overcompensating by wearing midriffs and muscle shirts and short shorts and lacy underwear to impress my boyfriend(s) bc i was their GIRLfriend and this is what I Needed To Do. wearing clothes around my first girlfriend that i was really comfortable in, and her telling me that im still nb even if i have to wear a bra for now, and that she wouldnt ever take my shirt off or act as if my chest ever existed if thats what would keep me comfortable, and me nearly crying bc of how validating and overwhelming it was.

it all hit me at once, and i was struck with the blatant honesty of what this had been all along. id ignored it and shoved it down bc i didnt want to upset my mother, disappoint her. i didnt want to be what she never wanted. but then i remembered that i am deserving of love, even if its only ever from myself.

so i told my best friend, and she was so wonderful with it, and she asked what pronouns i wanted to use from now on, and she helped me ease into shopping for clothes. and i bought a binder, and it fits v well and i fucking love it. and i told my other friends, and all the ones who matter are v supportive and beautiful (one even offered to make me a suit). and i told my two favourite cousins, and my sister, and they make sure to text me that i should stretch when i wear my binder, or to take deep breaths in case i forget to and its v homey and nice and they want me to be happy. and i blurted it out to my mother and she fucking hates it, and shes threatened to “burn” my binder if she ever sees it, to “rip it off [my] body” if i ever wear it in front of her, that she wants “nothing to do with It” and that “its a fucked up idea” someone has “put into my head”. but you know what? thats okay, bc i Know who i am now. and sometimes things dont always go how you want, and sometimes the people who love you most cant love all of you, and i want you guys to know that if that ever happens, youre not obligated to love them back, okay? love yourself, love those who love All Of You.

tl;dr: years of dysphoria piled onto me when i had a hot ten minutes to fully think about it in between classes.

#replies #about #tw: emotional abuse #tw: eating disorder #im so sorry about how long this is #im sorry if it didnt answer the question the way you wanted it to #tbh im v thankful you asked this question bc its v cathartic to answer #and its so much easier to be honest to an anon #(or just someone who wont judge in general)#if you (or anyone else who read) want to personally hmu feel free to message me its totally a-okay #Anonymous

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4lpha-w0lf69 · 4 years

Text

1. Last beverage: canada dry?

2. Last phone call: my mama :]]

3. Last song you listened to: Fat lip - sum41

4. Last time you cried: I’m not a wuss :/

5. Have you dated someone twice: No...

6. Have you ever been cheated on: Uh, no?

7. Kissed someone & regretted it: That fucking cat...

8. Have you lost someone special: My cat Mr.Whiskers :[

9. What are your three favorite colors: Red, Brown, Black

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month: Deon!

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list: >_>

12. How many kids do you want: A pack!!

13. Do you want any pets: Wish I had a dog

14. Do you want to change your name: Hunter is the best name and Bacon is the best nickname! How could u emprove?

15. What did you do for your last birthday: Spent it at mom&dad’s with Nora!! I also had some of the guys from the team hangin’ out.

16. What time did you wake up today: 5:45 am, bright eyed and bushy tailed :]

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for: School to fucking end.

18. Last time you saw your mother: Over the weekend-

19. Most visited webpage: This one

20. Nicknames: Bacon, Coolest dude around ;]

21. Relationship status: Single.

22. Zodiac sign: Aries

23. Male or female: Alpha Male!

24. Height: 6′3 and growing.

25. Do you have a crush on someone: :’]]]]

26. Piercings: 2 per ear, my nose, my tongue. Plan on getting .... :]

27. Tattoos: None yet!

28. Strong or Weak: The strongest around!

FIRSTS 29. First surgery: Eh, I’ve never had a surgery

30. First best friend: Eggs! He still is, but also Deon is too now :]

31. First sport you joined: Football.

32. First vacation: The family cabin up north!

33. First school: Clarence-Rockwell Elementary,

34. First pair of trainers: Converse

WHICH IS BETTER 35. Lips or eyes: Eyes. I have a thing for pretty n cool eyes :]]

36. Hugs or kisses: Cuddles???

37. Shorter or taller: Not taller than me!

38. Older or younger: Older

39. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic? But I’m p spontaneous :]

40. Sensitive or loud: wtf does this even mean lol?

41. Hook-up or relationship: Hookin’ up is fun, but i’d be down for somethin’ more :]

42. Shy or outgoing: Outgoing

HAVE YOU EVER 43. Kissed a stranger: No.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket: On the highway once-

45. Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t need em.

46. Sex on first date: hahahahaha

47. Broken someone's heart: I dunno?

48. Been arrested: No

49. Have you turned someone down: Yes

50. Fallen for a friend: I am not 100% sure yet. :{

51. Moved out of town: Not out of town, but into a forest :]

BELIEVE IN 52. Miracles: No that shit bogus.

53. Love at first sight: I do :]

54. Heaven: No

55. Santa Claus: No. How the fuck would he fit in a chimney? And that is a LOT of cookies for one man to consume in one night. He’d be too heavy for the sleigh even w the reindeer pushing it. Plus I know for a fact that santa has the same hand writing as my mom. >:/

56. Kiss on the first date: Yes

57. Angels: Like the team? 58. Yourself: I’m the best footbal player & alpha in town!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY 59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No I’m loyal like a woooolf

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?: damn.

61. Ever cheated on somebody: No

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Oh to be a little guy runnin’ around without having to worry about shit like paying for his car, wifi, and when the next full moon is gonna come....

63. Are you afraid of falling in love: Nahw

64. Was your last relationship a mistake? I think that people do things for a reason, and even if you move on... It isn’t a mistake. It happened that way for a reason, and you probably learnt something from it.

65. Do you miss your last relationship? No

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to? Nora

67. Have you ever been depressed? Haha nights at the cabin is rough :’]

68. Are you insecure? I think i’m pretty confident?

69. How do you want to die? Something really epic like a brawl to the death protecting someone I care about.

70. Do you bite your nails? No 71. When was your last physical fight? Oh! At school the other day I got into a fight w someone in the change room for saying i’m hairier than big foot. FIrst off i’m only a size 13, and secondly IM NOT THAT BAD-

72. Do you have an attitude? The school counselor, principal and coach all seem to think so.

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti? SUCK IT ALL UP IN ONE BIG BITE

74. Do you tan a lot? I naturally have one.

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving? Yeah, I hit up mcdicks or BK and grab a bite and eat it on the road all the time. Maybe i should clean out the back of ol’ sandy-

76. Ever made out in a bathroom? hhahaha :]

77. Would you take any of your exes back? Why?

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I don’t feel any actual need to.

79. What are your plans for this weekend? Hopfully a party with lots of liquor!

80. Do you type fast? I have big hands so that is kinda hard.....

81. Can you spell well? yeah of caurse i can!

82: What are you craving right now? Deer steak

83. Have you ever been on a horse? No

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yeah why not???

85. What’s irritating you right now? A white haired little bitch-

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? yah. :{

87. Does somebody love you? My family does. Especially my lil sis Nora!!

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car? I’ve had to-

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate? Milk chocolate all the way

90. Do you have trust issues? Nope!

91. Longest relationship? Haha;;;;

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? :]

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs? By accident yeah. Good thing I live in a forest alone. Cause my PJs are often just me being naked.

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah kinda?

95. Did you have dream last night? Yeah! I sometimes have really epic ones

96. Have you ever been out of state? Sure

97. Do you play the Wii? I have a DS for pokemon and animal crossing.

98. Do you like Chinese food? Yeah it’s p good. Who gave em the right?

99. Are you afraid of the dark? That’s when I thrive! 100. Is cheating ever okay? No.

101. What year has been your best? I’m hoping 2006 cause I want this to be the best : ]

102. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

103. Favorite weather? Fall, nice and brisk.

104. Do you like the snow? Yes

105. Do you like the outside? I LIVE TO BE OUTDOORS!

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Uh, Maybe :L

107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Nope.

108. What makes you happy? Sports, Nora, My friends :] being active.....

109. Ever been to Alaska? No

110. Ever been to Hawaii? N0

111. Do you watch the news? Sometimes, but like they say all kinds of fucked up shit. Not easy to take lightly when u live alone.

112. Do you love MTV? I like MTV cribs-

113. Do you like subway? like the trains or the sandwich? Because yes.

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? eh, no.

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I don’t know that I have one of those.

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz? I’m bored!!!! This cabin is lonely at night :[

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? Yeah. Charlie &Piper....

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Just my little sis. or my cousin Cass!

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? I texted Cass-

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deon.

121. Ever bought condoms? LMao yeah.

122. Ever gotten pregnant? I’m a guy?????

123. Have you ever slipped on ice? Yeah, but we don’t talk about that. For most people it’s called a ‘tail-bone’ that gets cracked. For me it’s more like a whole tail cracking.

124 Have you ever missed the bus? No, I drive.

125. Have you left the house without money? I always have whatever is in my account from workin at the shop.

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Nope! I like healthy lungs-

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar? NO.

128. Did you ever drink alcohol? Yeah, I’m always the one who has to go buying it. 129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”? The one where the dude gets the girl and fist pumps the air on the football field??? Yeah thats my fuckin’ goals!

130. Have you ever been overweight? No i”m just heavy cause muscle weighs more than fat! :[ 131. Ever been to a wedding? Yeh

132. Ever been in a wedding? don’t think so.

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Naw, not unless I’m in a intense convo w someone.

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight? That’s TOO LONG!

135. Ever kissed in the rain? I want to....

136. Did you ever shower with someone else? Nope.

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test? No, I’m basically a car expert

138. Ever been outside your home country? No

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Yes with my family going up to the family cabin.

140. Ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, who do u think ur talking to!?

141. Have you ever broken a bone? When I was younger I broke my arm a few times.

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life? HELL YAH!

143. Ever get engaged? Noooo.

144. Have you ever been on a diet? I don’t need one!

145. Have you ever been on TV? When the team goes into finals-

146. Ever ridden in a taxi? Who needs to when u have a car.

147. Ever been to prom? Not yet!

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more? Yeah, full moons can be rough on the bod.....

149 Have you ever been to a concert? Yes

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work? Ew on the old man at the shop? No thanks....

151. Have you ever been in a car accident? Kinda, I wound up in the ditch-

152. Ever had braces? No

153. Did you ever learn another language? hablo español e ingles

154. Do you wear make-up? NO???

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out? Nope! My strong teeth all stay put!

156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself? Yes

157. Ever dyed your hair? No, but my hair did start turning grey recently...

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes? They wouldn’t fit lmao.

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, and I got to ride first class on the gurney! : ]

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter? Nope!

161. Ever caught the stove on fire? Yes, almost burnt the cabin down! Don’t tell mom!

162. Ever meet someone famous? NO :[

163. Ever been on an airplane? Yes

164. Ever been on a boat? Ye

165. Ever broken something expensive? My mom would get mad if I reminded her of this-

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14? No.

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground? I found a dead pigeon once. I often find cool animal carcasses

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aliceofthevalley · 4 years

Text

Human 4

4.The Freakout

"What do you mean you're leaving?" I couldn't believe any of this.

"Honestly Sawyer you're acting like a child." Avery continued packing, avoiding my gaze. I gripped his upper arm, I had to stop him before he hurt himself.

"Let go." He flung my hand off the second it touched him, leaving me scrutinizing.

"What is your deal, first you don't talk to me, then the team, and now you're leaving us. What gives?"

"Nothing, mind your own business, geez." My heart was stabbed with hurt, but I continued.

"No, talk to me, please!"

"Sawyer- " he warned over his shoulder as he grabbed his bag heading towards the door. I followed vigilantly.

"Please, I want to help. Just talk to me." We walked ten steps before he turned on his heels to face me.

"Look I don't wanna talk about it. I don't want you helping me, I'm leaving. That's the end of it. As far as you're concerned, we never met and that kiss never happened, so stop trying to butt into my personal life." He was inches away from my face, everything about him screamed ice in that moment. The way he said it, the bluntness of my position now in his life, or lack thereof. I was in utter awe and shock as the floor started swirling beneath me.

"I…uh…" he turned back, leaving me alone to stand in the hall holding back tears. He was just about to turn the corner and leave when I did the unthinkable.

"Why can't you just trust me for once, or anyone for that matter? What did we do to warrant this from you. It's like you're a different person now! I miss you, we miss you, let us help you." I was on verge of tears grasping the wall for support.

"Why?" He said over his shoulder.

"Why?" I gasped.

"Because I love you and I can't watch you go walking to your death alone." I lost it, salty rivers began flowing silently down my face.

"I guess you're disappointed now, huh." Avery turned leaving a cold emptiness in his wake. Everything froze, my brain trying to process it all before it fully hit me. Wave after wave of pain, anxiety and depression lapped at my body, crushing my heart, each beat weaker as realization took it over. I couldn't take it and my legs crumbled under me finally. Monstrous sobs found their way to my throat and into the air, bouncing around the ship, like Avery's final words to me. I curled up into a ball, sobbing until darkness overtook my senses, leaving alone but in peace, a death like sleep.

…………….

I woke up to the sound of faint ship engines running, my face planted on the cold metal floor. There weren't any voices I could make out nearby, so I didn't put effort in trying to get up, just laying there perfectly still. How could this happen, he tossed me aside like nothing. I expected that from my friends and family back home, but never Avery. He made me feel inspired, like I was worth something. Guess not. Tears welled up as I began to regain full consciousness. I hated crying, hated the way it made me feel isolated and weak. In the distance, heavy footsteps slowly approached where I was, probably Azmi and Ridge about 75 yards away from where I laid; I could practically hear the obnoxious green hair from here. I jumped up quickly rushing to a nearby bedroom suite, careful to avoid detection. I quietly shut the door behind me; something starting to rumble at my core, rising toward my heart. Cover your mouth, don't make a sound. A few minutes past before Azmi and Ridge came into listening range.

"Where could she be. It's not like her to miss training."

"Azmi, we've known her for, like, a month."

"Yeah, but in that month, she's consistently gone to practice. Not to mention dinner, and an earth movie she specifically wanted to watch was scheduled to play in the media room tonight." They paused walking, a mere few feet from where I was.

"Look, Sawyer checked in after coming back with Avery, right?" A new, stronger wave of pain rolled over me at the mention of Avery. I barely could subdue the cry tearing my throat and regain composure.

"She's here, probably in her room."

"But her room -" she tried objecting.

"Kid, she's fine; gone exploring to clear her head for awhile." The subject dropped, and with it their conversation. Their footsteps traveling once again. I waited in silence trying to swallow back my feelings, until I couldn't contain it anymore. I pressed my back against the door before falling into a slump and cried. How could he, how could he?

Was it me? Yes that's it, I always had a knack for screwing up relationships. But how, how? Everything was fine until today. No it wasn't, it couldn't have been me, I tried helping but he wouldn't listen. Why didn't he listen? You weren't a part of this fight, he is. You weren't worth knowing anyway.

Voices swam around and around, arguing, so much arguing. Hands to my ears I tried shutting them off, but they just grew louder, making me want to scream. I didn't want to know who did what and whose fault this mess is, I wanted to just feel. The voices hushed before speaking. Then why don't you. Do it. Do it. Do it. Grabbing a pillow from the nearby bed, stuffing it into my face, I screamed, hard and painful. Anger, depression, suffering all coursed through my veins, making me unstable. I got up, blinded by the moment and walked over to the far side of the room where picture frames, seashells, and antique glass bottles sat collecting dust on a beautifully furnished wood shelf. I snatched a blue bottle. Break it; Break it; Break it. Destroy everything, let it all burn to cold ashes.

I threw it against the door, shattering into a shower of broken shards. The adrenaline from it persuaded me to grab another, this time a picture, of what I can't say as salty tears distorted it in the time I had before smashing it among the glass. Item after item, I threw at the ground, until I didn't have anymore emotional strength, reverting back to a wailing mess kneeling on the ground.

Why was I acting like this? All this for a boy I've only known for a couple weeks, this isn't Twilight.

No, but he did make me feel important, no one else has even put effort into doing something like that for me. And yet he left me here, alone in space far from my home- although, planet is more fitting- back to feeling used.

"Sawyer…" a quiet voice interrupted my deprecating thoughts.

"Seil- I…" I turned towards the door, wiping away my shame and slapping on a fake smile. Seil frowned before looking around the tetanus inducing floor I created, stepping over the broken pieces. She wore a long sleeved, floor length dress that dragged glass with it.

"Its 11 pm, you should go to your quarters now, Sawyer.”

"Of course, I’ll get right on that." Before I could leave, she trapped me in a bear hug.

"Should, but won't; I can practically hear the adrenaline in your system. " I tentatively hugged back, her arms tensed and eyes avoiding mine.

"I'm sorry about Avery." I pulled her closer. There was a long pause before she added.

"Don't worry about the mess, I'll clean it up before morning." Seil pulled out, holding me at arms length. At this distance, I fully took in how human she was, more than anyone on this ship.

"Now go get changed, if you're anything like Avery, you'll probably want to head to the combat gym. I'll make sure no one goes looking for you until you calm down." Something happened. Her movement was ridged and choppy, a slight tremor through her body had formed since I last saw her. I didn't know what but something happened to her, I could feel it in my gut. As she began to sweep a path for me outside, I blurted out

"Stop hiding it."

"What?"

"Whatever you're keeping from telling me, stop hiding it. Something went down while I was out, and I need to know." Seil bit her lip, staring at her scuffed shoes nervously.

"It-it's nothing. Nothing happened since you 'went missing', I'm-im just, uh, shocked by your…behavior." It was a blatant lie, but I let it slide since she was helping me. I tiptoed out the door, following Seil down the hall to the deserted athletic facilities.

"I…thanks."

"It'll be our little secret. Now go get dressed."

……………...

The punching bag swayed again after the hundredth hit i dealt. It still amazed me how effortlessly I felt training, yet weird to be able to in the first place.

In, out, breathe.

Sweat beaded on my skin, a welcoming distraction from life for once. I stepped back, smoothing back my hair from my face. Hours had passed, it was probably breakfast time judging from my sore muscles and aching knuckles underneath the thin boxing gloves I was using.

In, out.

Trudging to a nearby bench, I peeled back the gloves revealing a small white bone painted in splashes of garnet, peeking out of my right pointer finger. A couple weeks had jaded me; wearing only a slight frown before pulling off the left and throwing them apathetically to the gym floor. I made my way to the locker room, opening the doors cautiously with my shoulder. Placing my injured hand in the complementary first aid medical bot, I grimaced as my finger was manhandled; the broken bone shoved back into place, fused back together, then the skin stitched and sprayed with antiseptic, all in a matter of seconds using technology I couldn't comprehend nor had time to even care about it. I stripped, dumping my disgusting, sweaty clothes into the laundry shoot and stepping into a nearby shower. Warm water embraced my back as i stood motionless. How long had it been... 4, 5 weeks since I last took an antidepressant? Dang, no wonder life sucks. I tilted my head back swishing my hair around and applying shampoo, followed by conditioner and then shaving. Life felt meaningless and empty. Not just because of Avery, though it didn't help, but the fact I was trillions of light years from Earth. I missed my family, my real family- the one that wasn't hunting me down and trying to kill me. I missed my old life. And Oreos! I teared up at the thought of never having Oreos again; never mind dying , I'll never get to have Oreos again. I smirked to myself.

However, it faded quickly as emptiness came flooding back in, bringing memories of the dead with it; People I killed yesterday. How had I been fine up until now, doing that, murdering members of families and friends in less than an afternoon. How many died because of my actions? Deep down I knew I'd probably killed more than yesterday's blood bath, more innocent souls in heartless slaughter. And I think I enjoyed doing it. I had the skills, backed by the story Ameia told me, and yesterday as testament to that. My heartbeat became more and more painful, recognizable as it rammed itself into my ribcage. I rested my forehead against the tiled shower wall closing my eyes. Breathe. Yesterday was an accident, I didn't mean to kill them, I tried to save them; there wasn't anything I could've done. But those before… we can't change the past, especially not one I can't remember fully. Hot tears brimmed my eyes as guilt ate into me. I was shaking violently to the point of stopping the shower entirely and forcing me into the fetal position on the soaking floor. Three separate occasions of crying in the last 24 hours, how wonderful. I fill my lungs; in, out, in, out, pull yourself together Sawyer, geez. Deep breaths, come on.

Push, pull, push, pull, push, pull, push, pull.

Minutes of trying to battle a guilty conscious, successful. I shakily stood up, grabbing a clean towel and leave in conditioner from my locker. As clean as I felt physically, nothing could cleanse my soul. I dried my body and put the leave in conditioner in my hair; how long was it now? I turned my head towards a mirror, I made a startling discovery seeing a cascading head of milky white almost to my elbows, a stark contrast to the dark brown bob it had been hours before.

"Huh?" I marched closer, and on further inspection, realized my new arctic blue eyes.

"Great now I'm Hitler's fever dream reanimated." It changed. My whole entire body changed in a matter of minutes for some weird trivial reason. I mean the proportions are still the same, but…

"Nope. I'm done with this bull. I'm done. Just done. Nope."

I turned away from the mirror and began to break into all the girls lockers using a paperclip I found in my gym bag. It wasn't until I got to Azmi's, that I successfully found the compressed version of a professional hair salon fully stocked. Rows upon rows of scissors, curlers, flat irons and hair dye ornamented the locker, a kaleidoscope of colors and bottles. I grab a couple of gray, blue, and purple boxes and set to work.

…………….

"'Morning guys." Everyone looked up from their meals, their eyes instantly widening.

"Uh, Sawyer…what's with the uh…"

"Yeah, you look…" Ridge and Teauz continued to try and overcome their initial surprise, failing spectacularly in the process. Azmi, however had zero trouble with it.

"Did you use my hair dye?" She screeched, rising from her seat. Her eyes flared with metaphorical fire, not even trying to sugarcoat her disgust with me.

"No, Azmi, I magically changed hair colors while I was gone and forgot to tell you. Oops." Not a complete lie, but still misleading to a degree. She rolled her eyes and folded her arms superiorly.

"Don't take that tone with me, you spoiled brat. We were searching for you all night, and this is how you repay me- us?" She stumbled, the narcissist. She tsked at me like a disappointed mother with sickening seaweed hair.

"Either way, next time you're going to dye your hair, at least make it look professional; honestly you have a tie-dyed t-shirt for hair right now. You're a princess, aren't you, at least have some dignity." She sat back down and scoffed, preceding to treat me like a little fly. I could tell the guys were uncomfortable with how I appeared as well as the confrontation. Probably thought I'd gone crazy, since I kinda disappeared the entire day. Whatever, I'd rather deal with the notion that I've lost it because of Avery than being a hate symbol. Seil entered the dining room from the kitchen carrying a plate of pancakes with a yellow soup, and a cup of tea when she met my eyes. I caught a flicker of relief pass over her.

"Miss Sawyer, good morning. I took the liberty of preparing some food I thought you would like since you didn't request anything." She smiled brightly as I grabbed a chair and sat down away from the others. I avoided their glances while Seil placed my food in front of me and left. Silence accompanied the song of chewing, cutting, and slurping, which lasted for a good half hour.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I pushed away my now clean plate and straightened myself.

"Uh, yeah, right the plan and stuff." Teauz painfully tried to focus again, fidgeting with his fingers. Ridge managed to say, "We're circling around a nearby moon: there's been sightings of military forces patrolling around this solar system. Once we're sure it's safe to leave, we will." They avoided eye contact while picking at their food.

"Oh…'kay. Should I go get dressed for combat or…"

"No!" They panicked, spilling a cup of silver fluid in the floor. Azmi rolled her eyes and summoned Seil before pouting some more.

"I-I mean, no need to today, we're staying on board." Teauz fidgeted more, casting a glance at Ridge, who wore a slightly muffled, deadpan expression.

"Uh, alright…" Standing up, I turned to leave.

"Wait where are you going?"

"My room, why?" Teauz stopped fidgeting trying to think of an excuse.

"Because…" There was a long pause.

"Look, I get you're worried about me, especially after last night; but you need to chill. I'm not running away, or hijacking the ship, or even sulking; I'm just going to my room to work on some stuff." He nodded, before sitting back down slowly along with Ridge. I made it out of the room before they could say anything else.

…………….

The smell of old paper and bound leather was intoxicating. Walls of books stood mountainous before me, lined with knowledge. Since everyone was on the upper decks, I took it upon myself to unlock the secret library no one seemed to want to talk about with me.

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