#pia advice

[not-poignant]

Im sorry to do this here but you write characters that have done bad things and still get redeemed and still deserve love. Do you really think that? I know it doesnt compare to what Gwyn or Augus or Ef did but I cheated on my partner in February. I kissed a person I met 3 days prior and havent talked to since. I'll give some context, not to be seen as excuse because I know its inexcusable. I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future". I thought the three of us could get together. Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly. Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today. I already felt like the scum of the earth and I still do. I feel like I dont deserve anything and should be punished or something. Kinda what Ef was doing with his apartment. I also dont know if Im supposed to tell everyone. I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone. I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly. I cant imagine it anymore, not when its the reason i lost them. Do you have advice maybe? Sorry for this

Hi anon,

The first thing I'd suggest is learning what polyamory is, because in my opinion you're not really practicing it. The foundation or bedrock of polyamory is not actually having multiple partners, it's a willingness to communicate honestly and authentically, which you don't do, or haven't done. That's why single people can be polyamorous, and a person in a monogamous relationship can be polyamorous without actually actively practicing polyamory.

Likewise, a person can have multiple partners and not be polyamorous at all.

You really need to do some actual research into what you believe you are. There's so many different stages of communication breakdown in what you've described that it just looks like you need to work on basic human communication and listening skills going forward.

I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future".

This is so strange to me, because you did know that, because your partner didn't say 'I'm polyamorous now' they said maybe later.

You're making assumptions that fit you and your convenience, or making things up in your head that aren't there. Telling me you don't know either means you're lying to me, or you're lying to yourself, because your excuse is literally that your partner told you they weren't polyamorous but that they might be later on. You obviously didn't get confirmation about this, and never communicated further on it, and made an assumption for your own purposes that neglected the people around you, and got people hurt.

I thought the three of us could get together.

Why? Your partner never told you that they were polyamorous, and you never communicated anything clearly, or asked for communication. Did you tell your partner that you thought the three of you could get together? Did you tell your partner that you were going to kiss someone you'd only known for a handful of days (did you get an STI screen before doing that? Or did you harmfully put yourself and your partner in further danger?) Did you tell your partner that you thought they were polyamorous now?

Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly.

Yes. Because they did. Your partner is right, and is absolutely the wronged party here. You made lies up in your head, in a situation where your partner never told you they were polyamorous.

Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. It sucks that it hurts so much, but I would consider how much pain you've caused and then look at ways to repair that in the future, because guilt on its own isn't enough.

It's important to learn what polyamory is, how to do it ethically (which let me be clear - you didn't), and then how to communicate.

Part of that will be communicating to all future partners and potential future partners that you've done this, and are still working on it, so they have this transparency. Like you don't have to tell everyone, but since communication is a skill you really, really need to work on, this is a good place to start. Self-accountability will go a long way for you, because I feel like you made decisions here that solely benefited yourself and no one else around you and are upset that it didn't turn out the way you wanted when other people got hurt because of that (which...of course they do).

I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone.

If what you've taken away from Falling Falling Stars is that you deserve absolution when you've done absolutely nothing to change yourself except feel some guilt, then like... I don't know what to tell you anon.

That's not the thrust of the story.

I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to realise the way you were doing it was so damaging to others (and eventually yourself) that you need to actually stop and learn how to do it properly and healthily. The person who got hurt the most in this scenario was still your partner/ex, and it's worth considering the wellbeing all future partners going forward. Because what you described to me was not a partner that was polyamorous, and I literally have no idea how you got that impression, beyond just...lying to yourself for your own ends. Someone telling you 'maybe later' is never ever ever ever consent to literally ANYTHING until you get concrete confirmation.

What steps are you taking to make sure this doesn't happen again?

What books or articles are you reading on ethical polyamory?

How will you ensure accountability with yourself and with future partners?

How will you ensure STI safety if you want multiple partners or any partners at all?

What steps are you making to become a better communicator?

When will you know you're a healthy enough communicator to be polyamorous? (You don't have to be a perfect communicator, but healthy is important).

What are you doing to ensure that you're listening to your partners instead of just making things up in your head for your own convenience?

These are the places I would start. Guilt as an emotion is not the thing that will answer these questions. 'I feel really bad about it' is not practical, active, engaged steps and feeling awful makes sense - you did something awful - but it won't last, and after those feelings leave or dissipate it's important to make sure you have something concrete as a foundation for future relationship/s.

People do deserve forgiveness - but not from everyone, and usually once they've done the work to show that they're willing to change and work hard - that is the point of Falling Falling Stars. Idk if you're seeing a therapist twice a week, or went to couples counselling, or actually have been doing any work at all. You trying to convince me that your partner was polyamorous or ready to try poly in general is a sign to me that you haven't done much of this work at all, but the good news is you can start self-accountability and self-responsibility at any point.

Part of that is acknowledging that just as you deserve love and kindness, the people around you deserve this from you as well - and that happens in the form of honest, authentic communication and compassion, which is something you can work towards.

#asks and answers #personal #pia advice #i am still a little baffled by 'i thought the 3 of us could get together' when you'd only known the person for 3 days #there are very very very few people who are polyamorous who would EVER do something like this #because polyamory is about *relationships* and not swinging or just...open relationships #please please learn about the different kinds of open relationships #it sounds like you weren't actually trying to be poly at all #trying to introduce a new and random sex partner #is something monogamous people do as well #like... just... there needs to be a lot more learning here #and a lot more communication #i hope you find your way anon

[estela280]

Let yourself be misunderstood. The best art works are the ones you don't understand, but can't help thinking about.

#healing #self growth #advice #self concept #just girly posts #affirmations #self care #self love #rebelde way #mia colucci #marizza pia spirito #pink it girl #it girl #that girl #pinkcore #pink blog #pink pilates princess #princess #2000s core

[nineteenfiftysix]

Soulwax - Much Against Everyone's Advice (Much Against Everyone's Advice, 1998)

#soulwax #much against everyone's advice #alternative-rock #pias recordings

[goodqueenaly]

My friend and I are disagreeing on Pia and Peck's sexual relations. I say there is an obvious power differential problem. She says it's 100% consensual and fine. What do you think?

Putting this all under a cut.

I have to address right off the bat the fact that Pia was at this point somewhere between 22 and 35, while Josmyn Peckledon was around 15. While I am going to talk about issues around Pia’s potential lack of consent - and I think those are real issues here - it is nevertheless worth noting that we are talking about a world which disturbingly and grossly normalizes an adult woman having, indeed being expected to have, a sexual relationship with a teenage boy. This relationship is problematic for a lot of reasons, none of which cancel out or justify the others, and Peck as a victim of Westerosi sexualization of children is one of them. 

On the one hand, I don’t want to ignore the attempts (limited as they might be) to acknowledge Pia’s consent (or at least potential for consent) to a sexual relationship with Peck. Jaime did, after all, first consider Peck’s interest in Pia by thinking that there would be no harm in Peck having sex with her “so long as she's willing”. Likewise, Jaime prefaced his encouragement to Peck by saying “If she’ll have you, take her”, and his advice to Peck focused on him, Peck, treating Pia nicely during sex. It also appears that Peck, to at least some extent, did genuinely care about Pia: he was the one who found her a gelding to ride, who talked to her about comparing Darry to Harrenhal, and who tried to help her light the brazier when Jaime camped at Riverrun. 

However, there are to me deeply concerning aspects of this relationship (to the extent it can be called that, anyway). It is worth noting as an initial matter that Jaime only asked Peck about his desire for Pia, and that only after Pia had left the room; so far as we know, Jaime never approached Pia about any desire she might have had for Peck in turn, underlining his exclusive focus on Peck’s wants in this situation. Further, Jaime made two automatic assumptions about a sexual relationship between Pia and Peck: first, that Pia would not have minded being used as a sexual outlet for Peck (or, indeed, being the person to first instruct Peck on sexual matters), so long as she was “willing” to have sex in the first place; and second, that Peck would never (and should never) have wanted to marry Pia. Both of these assumptions greatly disregard Pia’s feelings and experiences. Maybe Pia, who was repeatedly raped and sexually abused by various knights (not to mention other soldiers too) while at Harrenhal, would not have wanted a transitory sexual affair with a highborn (almost) knight; maybe Pia, who might have reasonably (again, given those experiences) associated sex with trauma and abuse, would not have been interested in trying to teach a teenage virgin “a few things [he’ll] find useful on [his] wedding night” (ahem ahem, I’m looking at you, GRRM, with the story of Coryanne Wylde); maybe Pia, who certainly romanticized and fantasized about a sexual relationship with the young and handsome Jaime of the tourney of Harrenhal, would have been looking for someone who would love her rather than treat her as a handy sexual partner. However, Jaime’s assumptions did not allow room for any of these possibilities: so long as Pia crossed the base threshold of “willing”, Jaime seems to have decided, it was fair to expect Pia to be the available sexual instructor who would satisfy Peck’s desires and then graciously step away once Peck found a suitable (which is to say, presumably virginal and highborn) bride. 

Was Pia sexually attracted to Peck? Did Pia feel she had the ability to say no when Peck indicated (however he did so) that he wanted to have sex with her? We have no idea about either answer because we’re not in Pia’s head, but I think there are some real concerns here, at least with the latter. Pia not only depended on the Lannister war machine, and specifically Jaime, for her employment (having been explicitly exiled from Harrenhal by Bonifer Hasty), but was also, again, repeatedly raped and sexually abused (to say nothing of her physical abuse) while there. What did she believe might have happened if she said no to sex with Jaime’s own squire, and a Lannister war hero in his own right to boot? Would she have worried about being dismissed by an angry Jaime, or being subject to the sort of horrific abuses she had experienced during the War of the Five Kings? It is a point unable to be answered but worth considering nevertheless. 

Plus, while Peck himself might not have been pulling rank in approaching Pia for sex, it is impossible to talk about their relationship without addressing the class difference between them. As nice as Jaime hoped Peck would be to Pia, and as much as Peck might have thought he cared about Pia, she was by virtue of her social class viewed by Jaime (who then insisted as much to Peck) as a mere outlet for sexual desire, not someone to love or, Seven forbid, marry. In a world where (as Theon ruefully notes) the term “washerwoman” is “the polite way of saying camp follower, which [is] the polite way of saying whore”, and where Pia herself had been subjected to repeated and public sexual abuse (while being designated a “slut"), Pia’s position was not entirely dissimilar from that of Shae - a lowborn, homeless, uneducated, female (pseudo) sex worker, dependent on the whims of the highborn men who took an interest in her but who could also dispose of her easily. That to me calls into question how meaningful any consent by Pia could have been in such a situation.

#asoiaf meta #rape tw #pia #josmyn peckledon

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernard Lane

By: Mar 5, 2024

The gist

The puberty blocker-driven “Dutch protocol” of medicalised gender change—administered to ever more teenagers around the world—appears more likely to come under serious scrutiny in its home country.

The parliament of the Netherlands has now passed two motions this year calling for a closer look.

On February 27, with a majority of 101 out of 150 votes, the parliament approved a motion asking the government to commission research.

This would compare the outcomes of the Dutch protocol with the results of new, more cautious treatment policies in other European countries, such as Sweden, where non-invasive psychosocial techniques are now favoured as first-line responses to gender distress.

On January 25, the parliament approved a motion—proposed by Diederik van Dijk of the conservative Calvinist Reformed Political Party (SGP)—that the government seek advice from the independent Health Council on the medico-legal implications of medicalised gender change for minors.

Both motions were opposed by the temporary Health Minister of the Dutch administration in caretaker mode, but cabinet negotiations are under way and expected to produce a new, more responsive government reflecting the success of centre-right and populist-right parties in last November’s elections.

“I think this [second motion] will exert extra pressure on the new minister of health to initiate a review of the puberty blockers in one way or another, be it the Health Council or another institution,” said media sociologist Dr Peter Vasterman, who has been calling for independent evaluation of gender medicine in the Netherlands before any expansion of capacity.

“We don’t have a new government yet, but it will probably be a right-wing variant. So, there is a good chance that this topic will finally be put on the agenda and a review will be conducted of current trans care.”

--

The detail

Parties supporting the February 27 motion included the centre-right New Social Contract (NSC) party of Peter Omtzigt, the right-wing populist Party For Freedom (PVV) of Geert Wilders and the populist-right Farmer-Citizen Movement (BBB) of Caroline van der Plas. The motion was spon.sored by NSC member Dr Rosanne Hertzberger.

Among those opposed to the motion were GreenLeft-Labor (GL-PvdA), the social-liberal party D66, the Socialist Party (SP) and the Christian Democratic Appeal party (CDA).

The objections raised by Health Minister Pia Dijkstra, of the D66 party, included privacy risk, the difficulty of the research proposed, the redundant nature of the research proposed, and the ethics of using randomised clinical trials (something not proposed by anyone).

Dr Hanneke Kouwenberg, a Dutch radiologist and nuclear physician who has followed the gender clinic debate, said she was angry at the denial and hypocrisy of parties seeking to block the motion.

“As often happens, opponents of a more fundamental scientific approach in this debate do not substantiate their position with arguments, but rather with emotional blackmail,” she told GCN.

“It is deeply disturbing that research aiming to examine whether Dutch gender care has better outcomes than other countries, which indeed might substantiate the claim of successful selection of treatment candidates, is being vilified by parties perceived as ‘progressive’ and ‘left wing,’ whilst the minister goes so far as to call such research ‘unethical’—which is especially bizarre since no intervention is needed in the proposed research.

“It once again shows how much the parties resisting [inquiries] do not have the interests of minors, nor quality of care, in mind, but consciously and repeatedly close their eyes to a practice whose benefits have never been substantiated but whose drawbacks are increasingly coming to light.” 

“More and more teenage girls are choosing to change their gender around the world. In Quebec, the health system responds very quickly to their requests for medical transition by prescribing blockers, testosterone and mastectomies. These young girls often present with several mental health problems and many wonder if we give ourselves the time to evaluate everything that is going on in their heads. Is it normal for a 14-year-old girl to get a testosterone prescription within minutes? And what happens when they change their minds?”—Documentary, the French-language arm of Canada’s CBC public broadcaster, 29 February 2024

Watch the ethics

A spokeswoman for the group Genderpunt, which advocates for more open debate about gender medicalisation, said the Dr Hertzberger’s February motion with its focus on comparative outcomes might seem more palatable to government, although she suggested that if the job were given to Dutch gender researchers it might be undermined by “gender-affirming” groupthink.

She said it was possible that the ethical and medico-legal analysis called for by Mr van Dijk’s January motion would prove “far more interesting.”

“Is it ethically justified to take the risk that a minor will, in the long-term, regret gender-affirming care and have to deal with the consequences for the rest of his life? How is this child protected by national and international law (like the Convention on the Rights of the Child).”

Science: egalitarian or authoritarian?

Before her recent election to parliament Dr Hertzberger was a microbiologist studying the little understood bacterial makeup of the human vagina, a field with implications for the reproductive and sexual health of women.

“For instance, it is unclear why humans are the only apes with this high acidity and dominance of Lactobacillus whereas these characteristics are absent in other primates. Why is the human vagina such a good host for these specific bacteria?” she says on her website.

She carried out her research thanks to the hospitality of a lab at the VU University Amsterdam, which is also home to the gender centre whose Dutch protocol for “juvenile transsexuals” culminates for males in castration and the surgical creation of a pseudo vagina.

Dr Hertzberger has practised “citizen science” with the rationale of engaging ordinary women in research to develop a probiotic to modify the vaginal microbiome. She is also an advocate for “open science” whereby all findings, even negative results, are made public.

“The general aim is to increase scientific efficiency by sharing as much information as possible with other scientists and the general public,” she says.

She has also reflected on the role of science in society, publishing an essay with the title The great nothing: Why we have too much faith in science. Her thesis is that science is muscling into the moral vacuum left by organised religion.

“I see a new generation of Western secular policymakers, politicians, administrators, thinkers, writers, entrepreneurs and leaders who no longer see science as a tool for generating knowledge, but as a new infallible authority; an all-knowing judge who decides what is good and what is evil,” she writes.

Video: Dutch MPs debate gender clinics

Vision necessary

Dr Hertzberger’s motion was put in the context of the international scientific debate over youth gender dysphoria and reports to the Dutch parliament acknowledging missing data and a “lack of visibility” into local gender patients.

A familiar narrative in the Netherlands has been that the pioneering Dutch protocol was a source of pride and that any concerns arose from its less careful application in other countries. However, the rigour and ethics of the key Dutch studies establishing the protocol have recently come under much sharper scrutiny both in the Netherlands and internationally.

During the February 15 debate of motions proposed by her and other MPs, Dr Hertzberger said: “The decision to treat these children with puberty inhibitors is taken at an early age, 14 to 15 years on average, during a period of major hormonal, physical and mental changes, based on symptoms that are not objectively quantifiable.”

“We have seen in recent years how other European countries have become more reluctant to treat minors according to the so-called ‘Dutch protocol’. More importantly, the reports before us today show a lack of visibility [into Dutch gender patients].

“We see in Sweden, for example, that they have temporarily really stopped puberty inhibitors altogether and only allowed them in experimental settings. We are very curious to see what happens to that cohort of patients in the end and how their wellbeing goes.

“This [shift to more cautious treatment] comes not only from politics and not only from society, but also from healthcare itself and from science.”

“The Endocrine Society (ES) is updating its clinical practice guidelines on ‘gender-affirming care.’ ES, however, appears to be putting its thumb on the scale in favor of medical interventions by appointing experts with serious conflicts of interest to its guideline-development group, ignoring its own standards for how to write trustworthy medical recommendations, and trying to keep the process hidden from the public.”—Leor Sapir, news article, City Journal, 27 February 2024

“It’s noteworthy that most of the authors of ES’s 2017 clinical practice guidelines were also big names at WPATH [the World Professional Association for Transgender Health]. Two—Peggy Cohen-Kettenis and Louis Gooren—were Dutch pioneers of pediatric gender medicine. Despite the perception that ES and WPATH are separate entities, and that recommendations on behalf of ‘gender-affirming care’ are not just made by trans advocacy groups but also by run-of-the-mill U.S. medical groups, the truth is that WPATH members used ES as a guise for embedding hormonal interventions as an accepted standard of care in the United States.”

Why the data drama?

Aside from her successful motion, Dr Hertzberger put up another which did not go forward. This sought data to compare people diagnosed and treated in Dutch gender clinics with those on waiting lists.

She noted that the patient group seen today—dominated by teenage females—was different from the past group of mostly males with gender distress stretching back to early childhood.

“I am really puzzled by this [resistance of some MPs to requests for more data], because there is a report [to parliament] that says there is too little visibility into this group [of patients] and the medicalisation of this growing group of children and adults,” she said.

“We are particularly interested in the children. We see major changes in recent years in European countries that have changed their standard of care [Finland was first in 2020, followed by Sweden in 2022 and England issued a new, cautious draft treatment policy in 2023—GCN.]

“Surely that is a goldmine of data which, by the way, we can easily collect in anonymised and aggregated form, as we so often do.

“I really want to ask [Health Minister Dijkstra] why she does not want more data on this important development [in gender dysphoria], which also has medical-ethical consequences,” Dr Hertzberger said.

Dr Vasterman told GCN that it was quite reasonable to request current data on patient registrations, diagnoses and treatment at Dutch gender clinics.

“It is unacceptable that no new data has been provided for years now, which makes it very difficult to evaluate current trends, such as the shift in sex ratio [of patients] and the rise of non-binary identity among young girls.

“These developments have huge impact on the needs for trans care but without data it is difficult to develop new a policy.”

“Despite claims that blocking puberty gives time for decision-making, no one can answer the obvious: How is it possible for a child to discover ‘This isn’t as bad as I feared,’ when they are blocked from experiencing it? Fears are resolved by confronting them, not avoiding them.”—Sexual behaviour scientist Dr James M Cantor, tweet, 3 March 2024

Not our problem

Dr Kouwenberg said that “Dutch politics has long acted as if there were no problem with the Dutch protocol,” despite last October’s breakthrough Zembla documentary on the flawed design of key studies, critiques in international journals and the shift to caution of progressive European countries.

“And if there were a problem, it was invariably stated that the problems abroad were due to a poor selection of candidates for puberty blockers, that in the Netherlands, work was being done very carefully, and only children who were actually ‘trans’ [those whose gender dysphoria would not desist with the passage of time] would be treated with puberty blockers. The concerns of critics were always dismissed as moral panic and fear-mongering,” Dr Kouwenberg told GCN.

“It comes as no surprise that there is actually no test, let alone a validated one, to distinguish desisters from persisters prospectively, and Dutch medicine does not possess crystal balls to predict the future. Nevertheless, the gender clinic in Amsterdam [which developed the Dutch protocol] and the politics associated with it have long been able to stave off further investigation with statements like these.” 

“With this motion [by Dr Hertzberger], it seems that finally an end has come to a long period of denial of the altered reality at the gender clinics and of the criticism of the approach for gender dysphoric youth.”

#Bernard Lane #Dutch protocol #Dutch model #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #affirmation model #medical corruption #medical malpractice #medical scandal #queer theory #gender identity ideology #gender ideology #medical mutilation #puberty blockers #wrong sex hormones #cross sex hormones #gender lobotomy #religion is a mental illness #Youtube

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“I think I felt the baby kick. That’s normal for this trimester, right? I shouldn’t be worried?”

Kaeileen massaged her swollen abdomen, trying to soothe her baby. It had been an eventful few months, but at least her family hadn’t abandoned her. Finding out that she was pregnant had been a shock, and truthfully, she had no idea of how to be a mother, but she was determined to try her best. Surely she could be better than her own mother, though that bar wasn’t exactly high. Jolanda hadn’t had any advice to give her daughter, aside from finding a rich one night stand and trying to convince him that he was the father.

Kaeileen knew who the father of her baby was, and that was the problem. Her grandmother had been so hopeful that by some miracle, Lucy could be the mother of the baby, but Kaeileen had slept with the wrong Chun sibling. Her ill advised fling with Nathan had been so spontaneous that they didn’t worry about protection, which had turned out to be a mistake. Now the matter of the Rivales heir was complicated. Was Kaeileen the better choice for heir because she was carrying a Helios-Chun baby, or was Pia’s education and stable marriage more attractive? Emilia didn’t often comment on who she would be selecting very often. At this point, most of the family just assumed that she would name an heir in her will since the matter had already dragged on for too long. Kaeileen knew that if she was pregnant by Lucy, the heir status would be hers in an instant, but Lucy’s little brother? Emilia had to take time to think this development through, or so she said.

Elaine had been less than thrilled to learn of her newest grandchild, which she made very clear to Kaeileen on a regular basis. Nathan hadn’t said much on the subject. He seemed to take the news well enough, but he was impossible to read. There was a darkness in him, that much Kaeileen knew, but overall, Kaeileen had never seen him act in the ways Roman accused him of. He would probably make a good dad...or at least she hoped he would. Most days he ignored her calls, but that would change the instant he held their child. Surely he would mature once he had a child in his arms. Roman had, so why not Nathan?

“You’re imagining things, dear. You’re not that far along,” Emilia chided. She anxiously paced by the front window, peering out at the darkened sky. “Did you hear something? I could have sworn I heard someone screaming.”

“Maybe something’s happening at the park. That’s the only thing close enough to hear from here, aside from the factories.”

Kaeileen peered out the nearest window, looking for answers. Sure enough, a faint glow was coming from the direction of the park, though she couldn’t make out what was happening.

“She’s back then,” Emilia murmured to herself, unaware that Kaeileen could hear her.

“Who’s back? If you think Lucy’s outside, begging me to take her back, you’re going to be disappointed. I know how much you like her, but I slept with her brother, plus she was cheating on me. She’s not coming back, Grandma.”

Emilia scoffed at this, but didn’t elaborate any further. Instead, she took out her phone and hurriedly swiped on the screen, clearly looking for something. After half a minute of frantic searching, Emilia found what she had been looking for, pressed a few buttons and said two words Kaeileen could never imagine her grandmother saying.

“Hello, Ginevra?”

“Something’s happening at the park, you can see it from here. Should I call the police?”

Elaine peered out the window, staring at the ominous clouds circling the rather infamous park. Any activity there usually meant something terrible was occurring and Elaine wanted no part of it. That was a matter for the police to deal with, god knows she paid enough taxes to pay for them.

“And if it’s Roman?” Lucy replied, trying to dry off from her relaxing bath. Between work and becoming the Helios heir once more to having to see her ex fiancee walking around carrying her niece or nephew, Lucy had been trying to relax whenever she could. This new development threatened that relaxation, as unlike her mother, Lucy knew that Melvin’s police force didn’t have a chance against a demon. Maybe Theo was just having another incident; the last thing they needed was to involve the police in that.

“It’s probably not Roman,” Elaine said hopefully. “Maybe one of Nathan’s friends from school is over visiting. Maybe it’s just a powerful storm front.”

“Trust me, Nathan doesn’t have any friends,” Lucy sighed. “It’s almost a guarantee that Roman’s involved with this somehow. We should probably go investigate. I’ll go get dressed.”

“Ozzy!”

Osbert Yoxall stared in disbelief at the woman who was running towards him. After all this time, after everything that had happened, Kamalani was rushing back into his arms. He hadn’t thought that would ever have been possible within his lifespan. Lucy had drilled it into his head over and over how serious Kamalani’s sentence had been.

“Kama! It’s actually you! I don’t believe it!”

Osbert took the woman he loved into his arms, squeezing her tightly so that she could never leave him again.

“It took a long time, but I made it,” she said, making happy trails of kisses down his throat. “The sovereign can’t contain me; not when it keeps me from you. And Keiki! You’ve found her? Is she not everything we ever dreamed of?”

“She’s amazing, just like her mother,” Osbert replied. “I couldn’t believe it when I heard that a little piece of you survived, that I could still see you in everything she does. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? I would have helped.”

Kamalani shook her head quickly, still clinging to her love.

“My father would have interfered,” she answered. “If he had known, she would have been in danger. He’s killed people I loved in the past, just to keep me in line. I’d die if anything happened to you or her. It had to be a secret.”

“So we can be together now?” Osbert asked hopefully. “I mean, he’s sealed away and Roman knows about us, so we can all be a family now. We can start over and make a life together.”

Kamalani smiled, but didn’t rush to answer him. Things were complicated as always, and Osbert was an optimist.

“I have to hide from the sovereign, just until she cools down,” she insisted. “We have to leave Arkhelios tonight. I used to hope that Roman’s path lay outside of Arkhelios, but I was wrong. His path is here. Too many eyes are watching his son, eyes that might also be looking for me. He’ll understand.”

“But Keiki just got settled. She has friends and school here. I’m looking into buying a home.”

Kamalani sighed in frustration, trying to find a kind way of telling the man she loved that he was an idiot.

“She’ll make new friends,” Kamalani promised. “She can’t do that if she’s dead though, which is a possibility now that the sovereign of all demons is looking for me. We need to go. If you want to be with me, we have to go.”

“Okay,” Osbert relented, still looking uneasy at the thought of living on the run. “I’ll go home and get her, and I’ll leave a note for Kaeileen and Tennyson. They need to know what’s going on, other wise they’ll worry or think I abandoned them.”

“Don’t trust her! She’ll only hurt you and you’ll end up isolated and alone when she gets bored of you!”

To Osbert’s shock, Abe and a small group of children crossed the street, looking incredibly angry. Among them was Osbert’s own young daughter, happily co-existing with Theo, the boy she despised, and Theo’s little sisters. Two other kids Osbert recognized from the playground, where their snobbish parents usually ignored his attempts to make small talk.

“Keiki? Honey, are you okay? Where’s the babysitter? Why are you out in the middle of the night with your...friends?”

Friends was the only polite word Osbert could think of, especially when the father of Keiki’s bitter rival had apparently taken a crowd of children for a walk late at night.

“I want to help,” Keiki replied, looking nervously at the figure beside her father. “Theo said he needed my help. That something bad was happening. Like what happened to me.”

In all the shock of being reunited with Kamalani, Osbert had momentarily forgotten about the emergency trip to the hospital that he, Keiki and Roman had been forced to make earlier. While he was grateful to be reunited with the woman he loved, he had been less than thrilled to see the marks she’d left on their daughter. They were nothing compared to the wounds Osbert had watched hospital staff try to close on Roman, but his child had suffered all the same.

“I was meaning to ask about that, Kama,” Osbert said quietly. “I mean, I understand that it’s how you came back to me, but the amount of blood that Roman lost, and the scars he has...how could you do that to your own son? And then to cut your young child who doesn’t even remember you? Keiki’s been having nightmares ever since.”

“That’s because she-”

Abe was cut off mid sentence by excruciating pain. To Osbert’s horror, his sweet Kama lifted her son in law off the ground, clearly draining some kind of energy from him.

“Kama! He’s pregnant! What are you doing?”

“Stop hurting my Dad!”

Theo’s voice boomed as loudly as he could make it. He wasn’t great at defensive magic, but with his friends from school, Adam and Medora, along with his family, he was going to protect the ones he loved. Adam and Medora weren’t demons and fought with the magic they’d learned, while Theo, Adrienne and Keiki all summoned demonic energy. While they didn’t stand much of a chance individually against Kamalani, they hoped that together they could overwhelm the older demon.

“Kama, what are you doing? That’s our daughter shouting at you! She’s scared!”

Despite the terror in Osbert’s voice and the fear she could see in her daughter’s face, Kamalani ignored their protests. None of them understood the stakes of what she was facing. Like with Roman, Kamalani knew that one day Keiki and Osbert would understand her position, and forgive the difficult choices she’d had to make to survive. Even now, Roman had pleaded with her to love and care for him despite everything, and Roman was far more stubborn than Osbert. She would be forgiven, which meant that she could do whatever she wanted to protect herself.

“Mom! Leave Abe alone, he never did anything to you!”

Speaking of Roman, Kamalani glanced to her left to see her son hobbling towards her from the direction of the park. Roman collapsed on the ground before he made it anywhere near his husband, but his mother respected his dedication all the same. Maybe there was a little of the spark she’d once seen in him left. Still, she’d warned her son all the same and now both he and his high profile son were here, drawing attention to her.

“I warned you, Roman. Why can you never obey my wishes? You’re bringing this on yourself.”

Energy poured from Abe in staggering amounts, straight to Kamalani’s waiting hands. Even Theo was astounded by his grandmother’s power. He’d never seen a spell like this in any of his textbooks.

“Abe! I’m coming!”

Roman tried to peel himself off the ground to reach his husband, but failed. His mind raced to think of a solution, but he’d never seen an attack like this in his demonic defense lessons. Maybe his mother wasn’t lying about how demon she claimed to be. That or she knew some very obscure spells. Either way, the only thing that mattered now was getting to Abe. He wouldn’t lose another husband to his mother’s schemes and if he could also protect their unborn child, he’d die trying to keep them safe.

“Kama! What the hell are you doing?”

Osbert watched in horror as the woman he loved turned her gaze on her son and smiled cruelly. In all the time that he’d known Kamalani, she’d been a funny, sweet woman who legitimately seemed to care about him. Escaping a loveless marriage to a man she didn’t respect was one thing though. It was something else entirely for her to hurt her children and unborn grandchildren. Sure, she really enjoyed saying some dark things every now and then, but Osbert hadn’t been fully convinced that his Kamalani was the one who attacked their daughter and Roman. This was a side of her that he’d never seen before and he was appalled by it.

The demon before him snapped her fingers and Roman and Abe became enveloped by a light, drifting aimlessly in the air. Osbert could see the energy drain from them, pooling within the supernatural shimmer.

“Daddy!”

Osbert felt like he’d been shot through the chest hearing the desperate cry of a child watching his parents presumably being murdered right in front of him. Theo sounded heartbroken, which devastated Osbert. How was the woman he’d fallen in love with capable of this horror? Being afraid of the sovereign wasn’t an excuse to be cruel to someone else. Nothing justified this cruelty.

“Kama, stop!”

#sims 2 #arkhelios university #arkhelios #Roman Bellamy #abe chun #kamalani bellamy #Osbert Yoxall #Keiki Yoxall #theo bellamy #sim: Medora Toyonaga #sim: theo bellamy #Adrienne Bellamy #sim: Adrienne Bellamy #sim: Luciana Bellamy #Luciana Bellamy #sims 2 pictures

[arkhelios-gameplay]

Pia thought back to last time Abe and Roman had been in crisis, when he had shown up at their doorstep and she had favorably compared her and Tennyson’s relationship to Abe and Roman’s. Given Tennyson and Pia’s relationship development, she was starting to have second thoughts about her advice to him.

“He should have told me he lost his virginity to Rachel,” Abe said. “But he thought I had given mine to Leofric... And he kept bringing up Leofric! Why would he do that?”

“Maybe he was trying to warm you up to talking about your respective exes more?” Pia suggested.

Abe rambled on. “Everything has been going wrong. I’ve been having nightmares about Salem shooting me and Roman not calling the ambulance. I get distracted when trying to do things like make coffee, I just stood by the machine and stared until Roman showed up and did it for me, it’s bizarre...”

#arkhelios #pia rivales #abe chun #sims 2 #the sims 2

[not-poignant]

Raphael has a very poetic and grandiose way of speaking that is absolutely not the norm for day-to-day life. How do you get in the mindset to come up with his dialogues? They're perfection and I just can't even imagine how long it would take to do one paragraph of the way he talks, but you're writing an entire story with him...

Oh I love this question because I can answer it, lol sadlkjfsda

Okay so, Raphael's character is tough for me.

Normally I do a lot of dialogue research before starting to write a character in fanfiction and original fiction, but Raphael actually gets proportionately very few lines that really show his full emotional range (compared to say, Astarion), and he's got an incredibly specific way of talking that sounds similar to Astarion but at the same time is very different.

They share enough similarities (calling people darling and dear for example) that it's easy to fall into the trap of giving them the same 'voice.'

I find Astarion's voice a lot easier to 'get' and I feel like I can hear him better when I'm writing him. But Raphael I'm taking into emotional spaces we simply never see in the game, and then I have to really guess how he'd sound (like coming up with the idea that the theatricality vanishes when Raphael is genuinely panicking).

I ended up listening to a lot of interviews with Andrew Wincott, the Voice Actor for Raphael who is an incredible actor and extremely articulate. He was very clear in one of his interviews that one of the reasons he was selected to play Raphael was because, in part, he already sounded like him. Obviously there's differences / skill in changing cadence and more, but for the most part, Andrew Wincott uses similar vocabulary and talks in a similar manner to Raphael naturally, so I had an abundance of interviews that I could then listen to in order to get a feel for Raphael's voice. I picked the things that felt more 'Raphael' and added them to my dialogue notes.

I often have to go back and edit Raphael's dialogue. Sometimes it's very simple things, I had him say 'much more' in the chapter I'm editing right now, and I edited it to 'far more' because I think he'd just phrase it like that. Sometimes I expand a sentence into an entire paragraph.

I've also leaned a lot from Korilla's transcripts in the game, which have been super useful. They really cement, more than anything, how much he loves lullabies, nursery rhymes, children's tales and more.

HOW TO DO DIALOGUE RESEARCH:-

If you're new to dialogue research, it mostly involves listening to - and watching a character and then literally taking notes of how they talk. The things you observe are:

The tone of their voice - Fast or slow. Loud or soft. Musical or flat. Theatrical or matter-of-fact. High or low. Questioning or complete statements. Considered or hedging (i.e. very well constructed sentences, or a lot of pauses, ellipses, broken sentences). Rambling or concise.

How often they talk - Some characters actually say a lot with very little. Raphael is actually a lot of observation and facial expressions and eyebrow movements in between his dialogue. Little smirks, hand gestures and more. Do they interrupt or let people finish their sentences? Are they comfortable with silence? I find Raphael oscillates between long theatrical paragraphs, single sentences or words, and then a lot of silence. He's actually not very conversational, in that you can have a conversation with him, but I doubt he'd see the point of two hours of small-talk. (At this point you might be realising that dialogue research is also character research, how a character talks tells you so much about a character.)

The words (and metaphors/subjects) they use - This is a big one and I'm going to break this down a little bit more:

How they pause if they don't know what to say. Is it 'um' 'uh' 'ah' 'hm' 'mm' 'mn' or nothing at all (or something else) because they've mastered self-control over their dialogue? If Raphael says 'ah' he does so on purpose.

Filler words. Things like characters saying 'like' in a sentence. 'He was like, 'I can't believe it'' etc. This is very similar to how they pause, but it's the things people say to get from point A to point B. People who don't do this have often had training or think very hard about what they're going to say before they say it. But people say 'like' or 'and then' or 'well' or 'i realised that' or 'i thought that' etc. to carry them on. Some are more acceptable than others (people do just have realisations for example).

Profanity. How often do they swear, and how intentional is it? Some characters only swear when they get hurt or stub their toe or get angry. Some characters swear all the time for fun. Some characters only use some swear words and not others. Be specific. Be aware that some swear words are cultural! This includes blasphemy. In Faerun they use 'gods' and 'gods damn it' more often than we use 'god' or 'oh my god.'

Vulgarity. This is useful for Raphael (and Astarion) because he's very happy to be vulgar. This is like... how comfortable are they talking about sex, about sexual subjects, being crude, being seductive, flirtatious? And if they use it, do they use vulgarity to shock, seduce, scare, threaten, or for humour?

Salutations and farewells. How do they greet people? Silence? A calm hello? (A lot of greetings are omitted in dialogue but this is still good to know). How do they say hello, goodbye. How does that change between friends and enemies and strangers?

Single word sentences. This might sound weird, but sometimes when a character hears something that shocks them, or needs to acknowledge something, they may say anything from 'huh' to 'yeah' to 'fuck' to 'okay' to 'all right' to 'sure' to 'go on' to 'indeed' to just laughing out loud. The list goes on. Raphael is team 'indeed' lmao.

Sentence structure. Raphael's sentence structure is - when he's most comfortable - gently provoking, teasing, vaguely threatening, and makes liberal use of simile, metaphor, fairy tale, rhyme, sayings, colloquialisms and more. Raphael talks like someone who knows someone could quote him at any moment lmao. But from here, how a character structures their sentences can be helpful to know. Go back to 'the tone of their voice.' Those notes will give you an idea of structure.

Emotionality. How emotional are they? Do they have rage rants? Joyful giggling dialogue? Do they infodump with little emotion? Or with sheer excitement? Does their dialogue feel fake or real? Opaque or transparent? Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, and others will never be able to say 'I love you' in anything other than actions. Raphael's emotionality in dialogue is more present in his anger and irritation, and also when he feels triumphant and/or turned on.

The symbols, sayings, colloquialisms and metaphors themselves. Not all characters use these. But some people/characters will talk through analogies, colloquialisms. This is actually Raphael's biggest dialogue departure from Astarion, imho, aside from the fact that Astarion is a lot more emotional with his dialogue.

Take into account their culture, ethnicity, conceits, upbringing, education and the people they're close to:

This one is vital. Firstly, some people tend to 'absorb' elements of those around them. A person raised by affluent people will often 'sound affluent' and a person raised in poverty will often have dialogue that reflects this and if they don't there will be reasons for that. It might be a conceit (some people self-teach themselves different accents), it might be education, it might be training, it might be the subculture/s they've entered into, and so on.

~

When doing this research, you'll end up with a kind of master-list of actual words and probably some sentences you've written down, along with a lot of notes. You can also do this for any original characters you're making at all, you're just then making it up based on the character, and this research will also give in many ways the shape of the character.

It's a fun exercise and I highly recommend everyone tries it literally for people who don't exist and also observe your friends and family, and do a dialogue cheat sheet for some of them. It's pretty eye-opening! Even one page will teach you more than nothing at all. You can go deep and write many pages, or you can do what I do and keep it lean at 2 pages. Anyone who struggles with characterisation I suggest at least try this exercise, because anyone can put on a YouTube video and/or streaming service or even a favourite Tiktoker and start doing dialogue research! It's a way of building a character from the top down while also getting information about their foundations.

#asks and answers #pia on dialogue #pia on characterisation #pia on writing #reference #on writing #writing techniques #writing advice #dodgy advice #i might just take the second 'how to' part and make it its own post #but anyway here's how to do it!

[franzleitmayr]

Pia giving relationship advice to Leo is making me sad because she’s right.

#leo hölzer #pia heinrich #hörk

[zazu75]

Gilderguste Soulmate AU

It's a modern AU too! and it features Pia and Aslyte :3

It’s a soulmate reincarnation au where you dream of your soulmate, but your dreams are of your previous lives and even “adjacent” ones (like an au). The dreams can start as early as 10, but most ppl get them later.

And, an important point here— you and your soulmate have to meet every lifetime or the “cycle” breaks. 

And when you meet, you have to touch. Hand holding, shaking hands touching a shoulder—whatever. It brings the connection and can even bring feelings and emotions to light.

Well! Modern au. Gilderoy is 45 and wakes up with the same nightmare he’s had since he was 23!

He wakes up from the nightmare where his soulmate dies in his arms, happy to be free from his accursed life. 

Gilderoy, at 25, with this repetitive nightmare, had decided break the cycle, as he cannot forgive himself for whatever made his soulmate happy to die. 

And maybe in the next lifetime his soulmate would find someone better

And he wakes up every morning, wipes away the tears, takes a deep breath, and gets on with life. 

He’s a jeweler, and a successful one at that. It’s a small business—he made sure it stayed small—but it’s a good one. His employees (Pia and Aslyte) love him, though they have soulmate troubles of their own. 

Gilderoy finds himself giving them advice often.

If this were written out, there’d be conversations about dreams with Pia, and how they show what you and your soulmate have troubles with. And conversations with Aslyte, about forgiving oneself and your other.

There’d be more details and bonding. Pia and her soulmate have trouble communicating with words. Aslyte keeps dreaming of hurting her soulmate and her soulmate hurting her. 

….But I have no idea how to write bonding of that kind effectively so I’m skipping it. 

Anyways, Gilderoy knows exactly who his soulmate is. The actor Auguste is very famous, and Gilderoy keeps track of his career. 

(He likes and hates that he can tell how Auguste is doing just from seeing pictures. He thinks it’s a soulmate thing, but he’s not sure.)

Unbeknownst to him, Aslyte is nosy and Pia is just as bad as her. 

And neither of them believe him when he says he doesn’t have a soulmate. 

And these two nosy girls are very aware of his “obsession” with the twice divorced actor, and when the opportunity arises, they jump on it to get Auguste to come to their business.

It’s a huge business deal, one that Gilderoy would be insane to say no to— not that they tell him.

They just decide to do it, knowing they cannot get in trouble, and going off a hunch that Gilderoy and Auguste are soulmates. 

(They’re right, but they don’t know it yet) 

They make that appointment and Auguste comes personally. They work with him, all smiles and charms and enthusiasm. And Gilderoy comes into work that morning to find the very man he’s been trying to avoid his entire life.

And of course. Of course they recognize each other immediately. Gilderoy almost hates how cliche it is, the way time seems to stop when they see each other. How none of the world matters all of a sudden. 

He turns around and leaves and runs away as soon as the door closes behind him. 

Well! He can run but he can’t hide! And he knows this. He knows that somehow, Auguste is always able to find him when he wanders off. 

And Auguste does find him. Gilderoy didn’t really try to hide so much as find a place where they could talk. 

Auguste is overjoyed to see him. See, Auguste has had dreams of happier lifetimes, of the two of them together, and he misses that. 

But Gilderoy cannot relate, and he tells Auguste what his dream has always been about. 

He wants Auguste to stay away. To let the cycle between them break.

So he can be happier in the next life, and not die, happy to get away from Gilderoy. 

There’s a little back and forth but in the end, Auguste agrees, defeated, and Gilderoy walks away.

Well! Guess who hasn’t left Gilderoy alone after he ran off? His two minions/favorite employees.

Pia and Aslyte overheard allll of that. 

They don’t say anything. At first. But it comes up. Indirectly. With them repeating his lessons back at him.

To pay attention to what happens in the dreams. To forgive himself. To reconnect. To communicate. 

And they have A Point. 

They pester him enough that he agrees to meet with Auguste again.

Because... it’s like he told Aslyte. They can always try again. And like he told Pia, they should have an open and honest conversation about it. 

Auguste is not hard to find, with him sitting almost all day at the restaurant across the street, sipping various drinks and openly moping, eyes at the jewelry shop the entire time.

Gilderoy is anxious about approaching him, but he does. He takes him to his apartment so they can talk. Alone. Without two spies.

It’s a tense conversation, because Gilderoy refuses to move close. He keeps shying away from Auguste’s touches.

But he tells Auguste of his nightmare, in detail. Auguste cannot comprehend it, cannot think of any reason why their relationship would sour so much. 

And he pleads with Gilderoy to try again. They’re aware of the pain, now. They can work it out. They can avoid it happening again.

Gilderoy hesitates, and after a bit, he apologizes and says he can’t. He’s afraid. He doesn’t want to hurt someone who’s supposed to be so precious to him.

Auguste absentmindedly reaches to touch him, as a measure of comfort, and Gilderoy forgets to shy away from it.

—The thing about these touches, is that they can show what the other was dreaming of and expand on it. It’s like pieces of a puzzle, sometimes. The other has the rest of the pieces, even if they didn’t know it. 

It’s electrifying when it happens. And it happens all at once. Gilderoy sees the happier dreams Auguste has of them. Of the two of them stargazing and dating and being together.

And at the same time, they both see the nightmare, in it’s absolute. From the event that started it to the end of it.

It’s the boss fight and cutscene after it in MoF3 : )

And Gilderoy is the one who lands the final blow. He grabs Auguste as he falls, and Auguste dies in his arms. 

It’s guilt, yes. Guilt or wanting to do more. Should’ve have done more. Done different. Saved him.

It’s a warning, a wish, to do better, not to break the cycle. 

Gilderoy is in tears, after. Auguste holds him while he apologizes, while they both sort their thoughts out.

He they both talk openly and honestly and, in the end, agree to try again. And Auguste seals it with a kiss.

And the next day, well, if two minions look super smug at work, and if Gilderoy looks like he has a weight lifted off his shoulders, none of them say anything. 

But he gets a hug, and they get a bonus in their next check. And they don’t talk about it. They don’t have to.

End~! <3

#zazu writes #headcanons #octopath traveler #champions of the continent #gilderguste #gilderoy #Auguste #soulmate au

[potential-fate]

“I don’t know what to do with them Emilia…” Giovanni looked at his wife. He’d always valued her opinion, and often asked her advice, even when it came to his company; much to the chagrin of his board of directors. 

“If doesn’t matter what I do or say, the board won’t even consider Pia as an option, unless she’s the only choice.” He sighed, clearly frustrated. 

Emelia looked at her husband quietly. It was no secret that she disliked his board of directors and their antiquated, and frankly sexist, policies. If she’d had the opportunity she’d have gotten rid of all of them, and replaced them with people who were competent. Unfortunately, the board owned more of the company than Gio did at this point, so it was a fruitless endeavor.

#arkhelios #sims 2 #sims 2 gameplay #the sims 2 #ts2 #my posts #Arkh R3Part01 #Rivales #RivalesR3 #Giovanni Rivales #Emelia Rivales

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[therapeuticmonologues]

From “Breaking Free” by Pia Mellody and Andrea Wells Miller

“I use the term needs to refer to dependency needs, which are your needs for what you must have to be healthy and survive. They include needs for food, clothing, shelter, physical nurturing, emotional nurturing (time, attention, and direction from other people), medical and dental attention, sexual information and guidance, and financial information and guidance.

Although wants may seem to be less important than needs, they are actually extremely important. It’s our wants that bring us joy and take our lives in a decided direction. Without their being met I don’t believe we can be fully mature adults.”

Some issues that can come up when we try to meet our needs:

I am too dependent:  I know my needs and wants but expect other people to take care of me, so I wait for them to do so, not taking care of them myself.

I am antidependent: I am able to acknowledge to myself that I have needs and wants, but I insist on meeting them myself and am unable to accept help or guidance from anyone else. I’d rather go without than be vulnerable and ask for help.

I am needless and wantless: I don’t even know that I have needs and wants.

I confuse wants with needs: I know what I want and I get it but I don’t know what I need. I have them backwards, so I try to take care of my needs (which I am unaware of) by trying to get everything I want.

FOOD

DO I eat three nourishing, well-balanced meals a day?

Do I eat the proper quantities?

Do I know how to cook well enough to provide for myself?

Do I know how to order properly balanced meals in restaurants?

DO I follow any special food advice I have received from my doctor in relation to special needs my body has?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

CLOTHING

DO I take care of my clothes, keeping them clean and mended?

Do my clothes fit me properly, not too tight or too baggy?

Do I have enough appropriate clothes to wear to my job or to social occasions?

Am I confident about choosing what to wear for any occasion?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

SHELTER

Is my neighborhood safe and appropriate for me?

Do I live in a secure dwelling with adequate space?

Am I comfortable having friends visit me where I live?

Do I have appropriate furniture?

Is my home in fairly good repair?

Are the walls decorated pleasantly?

DO I keep my living space reasonably clean and orderly?

Do I have the necessary equipment to care for myself and my home (kitchen, cleaning, grooming equipment)?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

PHYSICAL NURTURING

When I need a hug, can I go to an appropriate person and ask for one?

When I am tired and no one is around to hug me, can I go and get a massage, or sit in a hot tub or lie down and rest to take care of myself physically?

Do I exercise my body enough to feel able to physically accomplish what I need to do in life?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

EMOTIONAL NURTURING

Do I have safe friends from whom I can get time, attention, and direction?

Do I go to those friends for time, attention, direction and to share my reality?

DO I limit my expectation to sharing my reality and receiving nurturing, not expecting them to fix me up or meet my needs/wants unless I ask directly?

DO I ask for information about things I don’t know about when the need arises (for example, how to get my car fixed, how to check my credit report)?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

MEDICAL ATTENTION

DO I have regular physical checkups?

DO I get my teeth cleaned and checked on a regular basis?

Do I respond to real physical problems by going to the doctor?

DO I follow doctors’ instructions reasonably well?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

SEXUAL INFORMATION AND GUIDANCE

DO I have sex only with appropriate and safe partners?

Can I say no to my partner when necessary to take care of me?

DO I know what turns me on and turns me off?

Can I communicate these things to my partners?

Can I say no to inappropriate sexual offers?

IF I have no partner, do I know how to meet my own sexual needs through masturbation or some other way?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

FINANCIAL INFORMATION AND GUIDANCE

Do I spend within my means?

AM I self-supporting?

DO I budget my financial resources?

DO I do the necessary record keeping to be aware of what I need financially?

DO I earn enough to meet my needs for food, shelter, clothing, medical, savings?

DO I pay my bills on time?

DO I report my income and expenses honestly?

DO I buy what is reasonably priced and of reasonable quality (as opposed to buying inferior items or lavish ones)?

Other, relevant to your life experience:

#breaking free #codependent #pia mellody #andrea wells miller #coda

[beardedmrbean]

The farmers' and forest-owners' union paper, Maaseudun Tulevaisuus, reports that some of the candidates in the race for the presidency are shifting their campaign focus to the capital region, as Sunday's voting approaches.

It notes that in particular, Jussi Halla-aho, the candidate of the Finns Party, and the Centre Party's Olli Rehn are popular in provinces and in rural areas where they have run high-profile campaigns.

However, during this final week before this first round of the election, both Halla-aho and Rehn are campaigning in the southern Uusimaa region and the capital, Helsinki.

The same paper notes that a record number of Finns have already cast advance votes in the first round, almost 1.9 million. That is about 44.2% of all eligible voters.

Kimmo Grönlund, professor of political science at Åbo Akademi, estimates that 1.2-1.4 million more votes will be cast on election day.

Grönlund believes that the final turnout will be somewhere between 73 and 78%.

"It's impossible to say exactly, but I'd bet on 75 percent," he told MT.

According to Grönlund, high turnout is likely to benefit the Finns Party's candidate Halla-aho.

"And possibly also Pekka Haavisto (Green). A large number of Finns are also likely to consider voting for Olli Rehn (Centre) or Alexander Stubb (NCP)," said Grönlund.

During advance voting, pensioners were the most active group. Finns aged 35-44 were the least active voters, with just more than 35 percent of that group casting early votes.

Worrying migrant development

The Southeast Finland Border Guard reported Thursday it had detained 18 people who were found crossing the border with Russia through the forest on foot, north of the Imatra border station.

According to the Border Guard, the group included men, women and children.

Ville Kuusisto of the communications department Southeast Finland Border Guard told Ilta-Sanomat that the individuals were in need of care when detained but he did not comment further on their condition.

Pia Lindfors, executive director of the Finnish Refugee Advice Centre NGO, told the paper that she finds the news very worrying.

"I hope this does not become more common, because crossing the land border is always dangerous, and in these weather conditions definitely very dangerous," she said. "You only have to imagine going into unknown terrain in a climate that is not really suitable."

The journey is also dangerous for men, she points out. However, Lindfors is most concerned that children, who are always particularly vulnerable, are now involved in these irregular border crossings.

Munitions plant expanding

Friday's Iltalehti carries an article about the Nammo Lapua Sastamala factory, Finland's only facility that produces artillery shells.

Nammo is half-owned by the Finnish company Patria and the Norwegian state. Nammo's main customer in Finland is the Finnish Defence Forces.

None of its output, the paper notes, goes directly to Ukraine. However, demand for the 155 mm artillery shells it manufactures has exploded since the start of Russia's attack on Ukraine. The EU's target is to supply Ukraine with a total of one million artillery shells by the spring.

IL says Sastamala needs new factory space and more workers, with plans to increase production by a factor of five this year.

The company is now in the process of investing 10 million euros in its plant, with the possibility of more funds from the EU in the spring.

Poor puffin

Over the past week, there have been several sightings in Finland of Atlantic puffins, a bird very rarely seen in this country.

The North Karelian newspaper Karjalainen reported on Thursday afternoon that a woman in Joensuu who saw one in her yard called the police to rescue it, but to her shock and dismay, they shot it instead.

The incident led to outpourings of rage on Finnish social media.

Police defended their decision by saying that they made an assessment of the bird's condition, determined that it couldn't fly, and decided it should be put down to avoid suffering.

In a follow-up, Aki Arkiomaa, executive director of Bird Life Finland, the national umbrella organisation for birdwatchers, told Helsingin Sanomat that more information would be needed before judging whether or not the police acted correctly.

According to Arkiomaa, one possibility is that the police misinterpreted the bird's behaviour. Puffins are sea bird that cannot take off from the ground after landing on snow – a fact that may have given the mistaken impression that it was injured.

Phone care in the cold

It's happened to most of us.

Your phone is fully charged when you go outside. You are tapping away in freezing weather and suddenly you realise that the battery indicator is showing a single digit, or the phone even just turns off.

The simple explanation for this common winter problem is that the battery simply doesn't like the cold, writes Aamulehti.

"The battery has to work harder to produce the power your phone needs as more energy is wasted. If the battery can't produce that power, the phone shuts down," explains Pekka Peljo, Professor of Materials Engineering at the University of Turku.

Temperatures even just a few degrees below freezing can slow down your phone, but there are differences between phone brands and battery types.

The battery charge percentage of some phones can drop to nearly zero when you're outdoors, but bounce back up in no time after you plug it in.

"It depends on how the battery charge status of the phone is determined. It probably tracks how much power is coming out of it and correlates with its state of charge. If the power output is suddenly much lower when the battery is cold and isn't working as well, then it's basically a measuring error," says Peljo.

He recommends letting your phone warm up inside for a while before plugging it into the charger.

You can also have some influence on the phone's performance in sub-zero temperatures.

"You should try to minimise power consumption and keep the battery warm by keeping it close to your body," Peljo advises, and further suggests switching on the power-saving mode when outdoors.

#nunyas news #updates from up north

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“So, I’m guessing that I’m not the Rivales heir anymore?”

Kaeileen tried to phrase it as a question, despite being fairly certain of the answer.

Her grandmother sighed and rubbed her temples wearily.

“No. Well, yes, in a way- No, I mean legally-”

“What kind of answer is that?” Pia demanded angrily. She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “She’s completely unsuited to the job! She doesn’t know anything about business, and she’s unmarried! I have a degree and work experience! I have an heir and a husband! What do I have to do to get you to take me seriously?”

Emilia rolled her eyes.

“You also have a flair for the dramatic, wouldn’t you say? Honestly, Pia. I don’t know where you get this attitude of yours.”

“My attitude?” Pia repeated incredulously. “My attitude?”

“There will be adjustments to the inheritance, but when I am decided on the matter. Yvette and I will try to reason what your father would have wanted in this sad spectacle, and decide from there.”

“Yvette? You’re joking, right? You’re letting a Durant decide what to do with Daddy’s business? She’s obviously going to side with Lucy!”

“Yvette is a lawyer who knows how to settle a legal issue fairly,” Emilia replied frostily. “She knew your father extremely well, and I trust that she can give me fair advice. She’s far better than that husband of yours, always whispering in your ear!”

“What do you have against me?” Pia demanded. Her voice wavered as she struggled to balance between red hot anger and the tears she always fought when her mother talked about the company. “What have I done that is so terrible that you can’t bring yourself to love me? Why can you never see what I can bring to this company? To this family?”

“Do you see Lucy grovelling at her mother’s feet for acceptance?” Emilia answered. “Your father coddled you just because you came as such a surprise to us. It’s made you selfish.”

“Lucy cheated on your granddaughter! Lucy works with monsters! Horrible creatures who steal souls and lives like they mean nothing! Seeing what Kamalani did to Kaeileen killed Daddy! He’s dead because of the people Lucy chooses to sleep with! Lucy is the problem here, not me!”

“I would hold my tongue if I were you,” Emilia warned, giving her daughter a look that was impossible to discern the meaning of. “You don’t know enough about this world to make judgments about others. Maybe in time you’ll learn, though you’ll never be the Rivales heir without that knowledge. This isn’t some game, Pia; this is our family’s legacy at stake. You need to defend our family as heir. You need to be aggressive against the Helioses and Bellamys. You need to understand how the world works and our role within it.”

“And you’re saying the Kaeileen does all of that?” Pia demanded, throwing her hands helplessly in the air. “Why don’t you just tell me how to change in order for you to love me? Tell me what you want! Actual, concrete details about what i need to do. Something other than ‘Lucy is the best Rivales of all time’, because she’s not actually your daughter! I am!”

“If only your father were here.”

With those words, Emilia collected her purse and walked to the front door, confident that she’d pushed enough of her daughter’s buttons to get the result she needed. Giovanni would have told their children what they needed to know, if only he were alive to help her. After Pia’s birth, they had agreed to wait until Pia was of age to make their decision on an heir. Fabio and Jolanda were completely unsuited to the task, but Pia had promise.

Pia lacked the fiery passion of her father though. She wouldn’t attack any of the Helios heirs, and whenever trouble started, she was quick to try to mediate. Lucy was exactly what Giovanni would have wanted as an heir, and perhaps she somehow sensed that when proposing to their granddaughter. A Rivales child with Lucy for a mother would have been a thing of beauty. Emiila had been careless. If only she had kept a closer eye on those two, she might have at least had the great-grandchild she desired. Now there was no chance of her plans for Lucy happening and the girl would return to Elaine as her own heir. Perhaps the only way to strengthen Pia was to be cruel to her. Perhaps another candidate would present themselves. Emilia had time to weigh her options. The secrets of the Rivales family couldn’t just be passed to anyone; she’d promised her dear Giovanni that the day they married.

A wry smile crossed her lips when she pondered her next move. If she wasn’t convinced that Malika had been the devil himself squeezed into a tacky dress, she would have been tempted to make an appointment with whomever had taken over her psychic practice.

"My grandfather knows about some room in the Rivales mansion? I doubt it.”

Roman watched Nathan carefully, looking for any obvious sign of deception. He knew when Abe was lying, obviously, but Lucy was still a mystery to him. Was Nathan more like his brother or his sister when it came to deception? Could he even trust that Nathan wasn’t just lying to himself? Who knew what damage had been done to him as a result of Dorhack’s actions? Elaine had sent him to therapy, but clearly it hadn’t helped.

“Go check for yourself,” Nathan replied huffily. “I doubt that my mom will be finished yelling at Lucy any time soon, so the house should be quiet. Just go upstairs and grab the family photo album from off the bookcase in the hall. You’ll see what I mean.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Roman demanded, trying to downplay his interest. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he was interested in learning more about his mother, and Nathan did have a history of being a jerk simply because he was bored. He paled in comparison to his sister, but he was still a Helios-Chun; all three siblings knew exactly how to rile up Roman. “Have you seen my mom? Has she come to you? Why would the Rivales even....”

He trailed off, seeing the celebratory look in Nathan’s eyes. Asking any other questions would only be feeding his ego. This was once again, just a game to Abe’s psychotic little brother.

Roman sighed, and began climbing the stairs towards the house.

“Never mind. I’m just going to use the washroom and go home. I’m not playing your stupid little games,” he lied.

“Have fun!” Nathan called out as Roman passed him. “Remember, it’s the bookcase upstairs. Don’t get lost!”

Roman shot an irritated look at his future brother in law, only to stop where he stood and look again.

No, I’m imagining things. Nathan can’t have horns. He’s entirely human, just like his siblings. I’m too tired, that’s all.

Roman blinked and the image he thought he saw disappeared. Nathan was staring at him quizzically without a trace of the horns and blood Roman had thought he’d seen. Dorhack was long gone, banished from this realm entirely. Roman would be more likely to run into his mother again before he ever saw his grandfather.

“Good luck with Elaine,” Roman said, shaking his head in an attempt to clear his jumbled thoughts. “You’re going to need it.”

#sims 2 #arkhelios #arkhelios university #roman bellamy #nathan chun #Pia Rivales #Emilia Rivales #Kaeileen Rivales

[travelonlinetipsofficial]

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