#please forgive me for rambling orz

[merakiui]

ALIEN SCARAMOUCHE WITH OVIPOSITION MERA ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME 😭 I need more, what would he look like, what are his motivations... Omg... Maybe some kidnapping going on...some experiments on humans...him studying how humans reproduce and if his race can use them... Aaaa my mind is going crazy with ideas, please do share yours too! <3

What if he doesn’t have a form of his own (something that sort of ties into canon Scaramouche’s obsession with wanting a heart and a purpose)? And maybe he’s more like a shadowy mass that can take the form of anything so long as he’s encountered said thing (i.e. made contact with it? Or maybe he has to kill the original in order to take its form? Or it’s something like a reflection where if you happen to look at him long enough he’ll have a good enough idea of how to replicate your form from staring and analyzing it.) and since he’s so dedicated to having a form that really fits, that truly feels like him, he’s continued to adapt and evolve as the years pass throughout every planet in the solar system.

Perhaps he does have a few features of his own, but maybe they’re sort of scattered?? Or they aren’t really features his species is known to have? He’s like a mixture of various things he’s observed over the time he’s spent on your planet in an effort to shape himself into something beyond the formless shadow he’s lived as for so long. Like a patchwork copycat composed of so many different parts because he’s desperately trying to understand all of these things. It’s like his version of trying on clothes and new fashion styles. So maybe he has horns or maybe cat ears because he’s seen so many stray cats and they’ve always fascinated him for some unexplainable reason (maybe in order to have these features he’s had to ingest part of the living thing he wants to replicate??? Just something a little extra horrifying for our beloved alien mouchey. <3) And maybe the only thing he has from the one who created him (Ei) is the same piercing stare in a pair of brilliantly colored eyes she graciously bestowed upon him.

Maybe Scaramouche can’t understand human emotion in the usual sense that other humans might, so he assigns flavors to these unusual feelings. When he hurts the things he likes or is interested in (cats, the human he stole his current appearance from (i.e. Kabukimono; let’s pretend they’re two separate individuals hehe), and even other gentle things or creatures who are completely innocent), the taste in his mouth is sour or bitter or so very intolerable. I think over time he hardens himself and learns to live with the foul flavors he often encounters when he attempts to blend in with humans and utterly fails because he can never replicate their emotions as well as he can copy behaviors or appearances. He starts his journey so curious and sweetly innocent, albeit murderous and eerie, and he tries so hard to learn and be good and explore the world with the eyes his mother gifted him and yet he always finds himself hurting. He hates it. It tastes terrible. It feels terrible, and he has never truly felt before. This is new.

When Scaramouche is captured by Dottore, a human scientist who is a little too dedicated to the pursuit of forbidden knowledge, he finally tastes the cruelty of humankind—learns of the lengths they’ll go to in the name of scientific breakthroughs. The researchers run dozens of tests on him. He can’t feel external or internal pain from wounds or injuries; he’s sturdy, birthed from a substance foreign to humans, intended to survive the harshest conditions. But Scaramouche feels pain—the emotional kind. He’s never felt fear; he’s what humans would call an apex predator. He’s strong. He’s never needed to feel fear, and so he doesn’t fear the unknown. He isn’t scared of the sharp tools, of the peculiar creatures he’s shown in hopes that he might replicate them and their features, nor does he fear the trajectory of this new life. The concept of ethical practices means nothing to him even though he’s aware he’s a lab rat, a grotesque curiosity that doctors poke and prod at. He reacts to everything in unique, defensive ways. He impaled a doctor through the throat with a strange shadowy spike. It moved as though it were liquid, yet it struck very solidly, sharply, deadly efficient. Dottore likens its movements and behaviors to that of an octopus’s tentacle; Scaramouche is unsure of this comparison. This is merely a shadow of something he has observed—a reflection. A cheap copy. He has never been original.

You’re the first human he meets who isn’t adorned in sterile white. No lab coat, no gloves, no goggles, no protective gear. Just clothes. Normal clothes. The both of you are separated by indestructible glass, placed in two very white rooms, and you can see one another so clearly. Scaramouche hates the purity of white because he knows that when he’s forced into a white backdrop he’s meant to stain it red. And lately he doesn’t want to break things that are undeserving of it. Perhaps he’s feeling too much. Perhaps he ought to tear these human feelings out and go back to the blank, shadowy slate he once was. How he intends to accomplish that, he has no idea.

He’s uninterested in you at first. You’re a human. He’s seen humans. He interacts with them daily. He’s killed plenty. But you spend nights in that white room and he watches you sleep. He tries to sleep in the same way you do; he has no need for sleep. He regulates his energy differently. He tries to breathe like you. He blinks at the same times you blink—or he comes awfully close. He tries to copy your movements and mannerisms. One night he presses himself to the glass and takes your form and watches you, counting every rise and fall of your chest as you lie so comfortably on the very uncomfortable cot. With hands that mirror yours, he pokes at these human features. He fits one hand in the other and pretends he’s holding your actual hand. There is no warmth, though. Humans are warm; Scaramouche is not. He’s frigid. His home planet is gloomy and cold and desolate. He thinks humans are lucky for cyclical days—for being in close proximity to the sun. There is no sunshine where he hails from. He likes the way the sun feels on him. It used to burn terribly when he first arrived on this planet. Now it’s like a hug—a hug that still singes, but a hug nonetheless. He’s never known what a hug is, but he thinks this is what it must feel like—like the burning warmth of a sun.

Scaramouche feels true, raw, animalistic, paralyzing fear when you’re taken out of the room after two weeks and replaced with a new human. You’re gone. Replaced. Are you dead? Did he kill you? Did he stare too long? He’s distraught, overcome with a horrifying emotion that has him curled and trembling in the corner of his white room (a cage if he’s ever known one). Why aren’t you here? And why is he so…restless? He can’t call it fear because he doesn’t know that word. But oh he’s scared. He’s so scared. You were the first human to smile at him, to put your hand on the glass where his rested, to sit close to the glass and eat meals alongside him. You were like the stray cats he’s interacted with: kind, soft, gentle, sweet. He’s so scared he loses the ability to remain in his human skin, and he practically melts into a shadow, clinging to the corner like glue or slime. He’s empty and alone. It tastes terrible. It feels terrible.

The humans that follow are terrified of him. Either that or they’re disgusted, baffled, cautious. He hates every one of them, so much so that he’s tried to break through the glass numerous times to dispose of them. Weeks pass; he’s forgetting your features. There are no mirrors here, so he must rely on the reflections shown in the glass. Some days he thinks he looks just like you; other days he’s certain he’s a monstrosity—a sloppily stitched version of you. The you he saw did not have pointed fangs or curling horns. He hates his reflection because it isn’t you. Most importantly, he hates that the humans he’s forced to look at are protected by this thick layer of glass. If it wasn’t so indestructible, he’d tear through every human nuisance until he reaches you.

Scaramouche is not sure how many months pass, but you return. And when you do the fear ebbs away. He feels…happy? Is that the right term? He’s pleased to see you, and for the first time in a while he returns to his human appearance—to the one he took from a young man many centuries ago. You’re back. You’re here. He’s so happy. He detaches himself from his corner and he tries to smile in the way you do. And, though it’s awkward and strange and sharp-toothed, you smile right back.

Dottore decides then that you are to be the next subject in this experiment. He’s observed Scaramouche’s reactions to you and compared them to reactions to the other humans and found that you are the best suited to this role. If anything, the alien couldn’t have picked a better specimen to adore. You’re helpless and so naïve. You need the money; it’s why you allowed yourself to live in that room for a few weeks. You were paid handsomely for it. He’ll pay you beyond handsomely if you agree to what’s next. And, really, when you’re in between a predator’s jaws do you really have much of a choice?

Scaramouche needs a human match, and the scientists need to study more than just the social biology of an alien. They promise you he won’t hurt you, and if he does it’s all right. They’re kind enough to respect the wishes of the dead. You must let Dottore know if you’d prefer a burial or a cremation. There’s nothing special in this distinction; it’s just a precautionary measure. You’ll agree to participate in this experiment whether or not you want to.

Your new home is the white room that faces Scaramouche, and after some more time and observations to ensure you won’t be killed the moment you step foot in his space the glass barrier will be lifted. Dottore wonders how Scaramouche’s kind mates and reproduces.

There’s only one way to find out.

#genshin chit chat #alien scaramouche #yandere scaramouche #scaranya #please forgive me for rambling orz #i just think there’s so much potential for aliens and scara #I PROMISE I HAVE OVIPOSITION THOUGHTS FOR HIM TOO OTL #i just wanted to world-build a little >_< #(adding more tags because i have so many ideas but!!!) #maybe you can’t kill his species in the way you might kill a human #maybe the only thing that kills his species is heartbreak (or extreme emotions) #because his species cannot handle just how overwhelming heartbreak and things like fear are #maybe because his species was never intended to feel to the extent humans feel #because scara has evolved to withstand any and all dangerous threats #he hasn’t evolved enough to defend against emotional threats #so essentially he is physically very strong but mentally/emotionally he’s weaker because he does not know how to feel or comprehend feeling #and too much of a certain emotion if felt in extreme amounts is detrimental and even fatal to him #because he doesn’t know how to protect against that or repair the damage that has been done from strong emotions #he can be beheaded and he’d easily repair the wound #but heartbreak… he can’t repair that (not after he’s formed such a strong bond with his darling) #AAAAA TOO MANY THOUGHTS

[wind-up-thancred]

>hiya n thanks for stopping by my silly little blorbo emporium!! >i am peachy and use he/she/they, and i fuckin love ffxiv. will mostly be using this blog for gposes (expect lots of thancred, wolcred, and various OCs) but also some OC rambles and occasional memeing. asks are always open!! >will be adding more character introduction posts as i go, but for now i only have katsu's written up, which can be found here! >if we're mututals and you'd like to meet up in game, feel free to shoot me a dm \o/ >will likely be spoilers for various expansions and patches in my gposes/drabbles but i tag major per expansion spoilers!! blacklist as necessary >staying 90% SFW but ngl i really like men so if you dont ever want to see bare man tits you probably shouldnt follow lmao >i dont use pr.o/ant.i terms personally but please DNI if you regularly RB or produce inc.est/l.oli/no.ncon/r.ape/unde.rage content. not making any moral judgements abt anybody, im just not interested in seeing that on my dash. ty >im a bit picky about who i follow due to triggers and keeping this blog as a "safe space" of sorts for myself, so please forgive me if i unfollow or dont follow back, dont take it too seriously orz

#ffxiv #ffxiv gpose #gpose #ffxiv screenshots #wolcred #funnylizardman #gonna be using that last tag specifically for my katsu gpose stuff likely #hoh god the internet is fucking scary please dont eat me im just a little guy #ffxiv oc #au ra #shadowbringers spoilers #katsucred

[midknightwritings]

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Hansel / [ He/Him ] / Part of : @ensnet

Masterlist Below !!

REQUEST STATUS : OPEN

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Welcome to my writing blog !!

I mainly write self-inserts / x readers and everything will be SFW !! [ I will always add TWs / CWs at the top of all my writings when necessary so don’t worry !! ]

As a hobbyist writer, my writing schedule might be a bit inconsistent as it depends on how inspired I get and the amount of free time I have. Please bear with me for that... orz

At the moment, I’m really into Ensemble Stars so you can expect a lot of writing for that !!

As a KnightsP, I'm also gonna write about Knights the most but I can also write about other units !! :) I’m still not too well informed about the other characters so please forgive me if they come off as a bit OOC o(-(

Other than that, I’m also a massive VOCALOID fan so don't be surprised if some of my writings were inspired by VOCALOID songs :D

Thank you so much for passing by !! Feel free to interact with me at any time !! :)

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Masterlist :

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Knights

All :

Knights as shimeji buddies !!

Knights and their S/O as Ghost Hunters

Royal!Knights & their Knight!S/O

Izumi Sena :

Izumi with a Ghost!Reader who just wants to help !!

I'm Here for You [ Leo / Mika ]

Leo Tsukinaga :

Leo with a Composer!S/O that excitedly rambles about his songs

I like you, I love you !!

Operation : De-stresso !! [ Poly with Mika ]

I'm Here for You [ Izumi / Mika ]

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Valkyrie

All :

Valkyrie as shimeji buddies !!

Artistic Sanctuary

Mika Kagehira :

Operation : De-stresso !! [ Poly with Leo ]

Santa Mayhem

I'm Here for You [ Izumi / Leo ]

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Switch

All :

Switch as shimeji buddies !!

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Alkaloid

All :

Alkaloid as shimeji buddies !!

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Others

Shimeji buddies in your other consoles

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstars writing #ensemble stars writing #enstars imagines #ensemble stars imagines #enstars scenarios #ensemble stars scenarios #enstars headcanons #ensemble stars headcanons #writing #writing blog #🍪 important notes

[askdacast]

a bit of a personal ramble here...actually no I’m about to be really cringe as I kind of rant about the anxieties and issues I’ve been going through lately in a super roundabout way

but in the long ago days (by which I mean like 10 years ago) and when I was an even louder Persona fan, I made a Shadow version of my main OC/blatant self-insert Alyss Baraen and it was therapeutic to some extent

(more under the cut)

Shadow Alyss even had a cringe name and design - Gerhild, the Witch of Destiny (very long story), and was kind of a representation of my suppressed anger issues and general teenage angst at being different. One could say, a manifestation of the Id.

You can actually find that name in the really old posts of this blog but...please don’t “orz

All that was kinda based off the issues that a teenaged me knew of herself, but I feel rather ashamed to say, those issues haven’t 100% gone away, they still ebb and flow and take different forms, and I gotta smash them all the same

What I am saying is that I’ve been gnawing on the idea of re-doing the “Shadow Alyss” idea with the updated knowledge of myself now and the more recent anxieties I’ve had to deal with. And the hilarity is that the motif is completely the opposite of what I did as a teenager while somehow still being thematically the same.

Given the witch/Carmen San Diego design motifs the regular Alyss already has from the red and hat, I couldn’t help but also notice how much like a Spanish Inquisitor (insert Monty Python joke here) she looks like, and the moment I thought of that given Alyss being a very religious character, everything just completely fell into place

(Fun fact: Years ago when I was into imagining what kind of Personas my characters would have, Alyss’ was supposed to be Agustina de Aragon, Spanish folk heroine who is drawn with a big hecking cannon. It all comes full circle.)

(Inquisitor from DFO, danbooru link warning)

The Inquisitor would be all of Alyss’ self-depreciation and anxieties that she isn’t good enough at...well, anything. Mostly not being a good enough person or Christian. It’s not like she resents her faith, but she absolutely does feel like she’s been put under a microscope her whole life and she needs to scrutinize her every action as to whether it is moral or not. Chalk it up to her emotional nature and sensitivities that take her every action as reflecting on her moral character. A mistake or a failure to do “the right thing” isn’t just one bad act - it’s a stain on her very identity as someone who professes to follow God. Or a good daughter. Or a good friend. A good person.

Of course, this is a self-inflicted wound in many ways. She hates being criticized, and the expectation to always be ‘good’ or following the standards of what makes a moral religious person causes a lot of guilt in her when she does wrong, or anxiety that she might do wrong. A lot of what I imagined about The Inquisitor isn’t just the religious motif, but the motif of fear and punishment. The Judge and Executioner who instills the fear of God in sinners. A horribly apt symbol, imo, of what anxiety feels like, of that looming darkness that constantly beats down on you. The voice that says “this is ABSOLUTELY a terrible idea” even before you take a step.

Heck for extra factor on the monster of fear part, throw in the white eyes on a completely shadowed face a la Scarecrow from the later Batman TAS episodes

(this is the least disturbing picture I could find of him)

All these fear motifs are, of course, painfully ironic when you consider that not only this image is Alyss’ exaggerated idea of her faith, it’s also 100% contradictory of what her faith truly stands for. What she herself has constantly told others. That God isn’t an angry God who judges sinners, but a gentle one who forgives, and justifies not by adherence to laws, but faith in a greater power. In fact, the power that forgives and lets people not be punished for what they deserve.

And though this is a totally cheesy idea...I would like to imagine if you face the Inquisitor in a dungeon, in like a medieval-style execution grounds, you would see those crumbling old walls with broken carvings that have the words “Condemnation in Christ” on them, and then noticing the walls were broken, you’d eventually find the missing half of the wall which must be attached before the initial wall, with the words, “There is No”

Look, I’ve already spilled my guts out with this “I have a friend”-type post, I can afford to be cringe about something that means a lot to me

Especially since...it’s very obviously been weighing on my mind a lot lately

No matter whether Alyss Baraen thinks herself a “witch” or feels tormented by an “Inquisitor” the root cause is still the same - she fears that she isn’t worthy or that God possibly is angry at her for whatever sin or failure to be human/good she’s committed. And despite her own beliefs, or the love and support of others, being a clear evidence to the contrary, she finds it hard to trust that that love is real.

Many times, it’s terrifying to trust people you love, or to have any hope at all. Because what if you’re disappointed? Worse, what if you’re just plain wrong? You could say to yourself how much good you’ve done or how much people clearly love and care for you, and have it still mean absolutely nothing. Because the evidence for your imperfection, the world’s imperfection, and the hurts you bear feel so much more real than the idea that you might deserve happiness.

And the more you think that way, the more you inevitably project that idea onto a higher power, like God. Because how could it be true that He offers you all things for nothing? Less than nothing - you’re a “terrible person” who deserves to be punished, and yet He isn’t. In fact, He’s saying all’s good, you just need to do better and keep loving and trusting Him, and He’ll do the rest.

Without any obvious proof, except the life you’ve already lived, and the words He’s said.

A tall order to believe in, isn’t it?

Trust is never easy, and in fact, often seems far less logical than just continuing to remain on guard, always.

To believe in there being good and kindness in your future often seems too good to be true. And soon we start to believe it can never be true.

So I’ve spent a long time rejecting any kind of grace or kindness because I’ve convinced myself there’s no way it’s true. The truth, to me, had to be a harsh revelation of my inherent sinfulness and failure to follow God. Those were obvious ‘proofs’ in my life, after all. It could be nothing else. If I received a kind word, I must have been selfishly trying to avert my eyes from the truth, to what I wanted to hear.

But, you know.

That wasn’t the truth at all.

In my heart of hearts, I KNEW it wasn’t.

Well, no one ever said Faith was easy.

#rant #extremely long #the only reason I'm posting this is because I'm presumptuously hoping there aren't many people who would see this or want to read it #and I'm being somewhat vague enough about my situation #also just creatively I thought the new character idea was sick #but i've clearly been stewing on it for a while now for therapeutic purposes #i might make this post private in the future #please don't worry about me by the way #I am not in physical danger #I just have a lot to get off my chest #and a sincere thank you if you've read the post all the way to the end

[meowmeowmessi]

Your post about Dean treating others like family in a different way made me rethink what he said in 15x17. He tells Sam Jack isn't family like Cass. And then later he thanks Jack for his sacrifice since he and Sam (just them) will get to live in peace. It's like Dean knew Cass wouldn't stay after Jack's gone, knew how much the kid meant to Cass and he accepted that. But he also knew how much Jack meant to Sam (they just had a fight about it). But to him, not having Sam is incomprehensible.

Well nonnie now YOUR ask is making ME think about Dean and Jack's relationship AAAAAAAAAAAA. Ok so I think the funniest thing (ok not funny? More like interesting) is that Sam and Jack's relationship is the easiest one to understand. No, I don't mean it's shallow (if I hear another "Sam is Jack's uncle!!!" I'll cut a bitch), but it's very clear why Sam took to Jack so quickly and why Jack basically imprinted on Sam. Jack is literally Sam 2.0 and he even got a whole bunch of Sam's arcs in 3 seasons lol. ANYWAY BACK TO DEAN AND JACK: I've seen a lot of Sam stans getting pissed bc the writers APPARENTLY made Jack "like Dean more all of a sudden" and I totally disagree??? I think the thing is, Sam is like the mom who is openly affectionate with Jack so Jack doesn't have to work as hard for his approval, whereas Dean is the distant father figure who is hard to please so Jack is always trying to imitate and impress him to gain his love. I believe Dean loves Jack, I really do, but in a way a stepfather does ig???  As you said so yourself, not having Sam is incomprehensible to Dean, and Sam and Jack are kind of a package deal. Dean gave Jack a chance only bc Sam puppy dog eyed him into it, but most importantly, bc Jack SAVED SAM. And I think the kid grew on him after that, until he smoked Mary (can't really blame Dean here since that's his m o t h e r that Jack killed rip). But in Last Holiday we saw that Dean was trying to forgive Jack for that, which is a pretty big deal since we all know Dean doesn't forgive easily. And then Unity happened. HERE Dean's "everyone is family to me except Sam who is so much more than just family" policy comes into play for the umpteenth time. Sam says Jack is like family to them so they shouldn't let him turn himself into a bomb, Dean says Sam is his family (and throws in a mention of Cass bc he knows Sam is selfless and mentioning only him won't sway him) (which is funnily enough the reverse of what Sam does later on, he talks about the AU hunters and Eileen but Dean won't budge, so he uses the Sammy card on Dean: "What about me? Would you trade me?" It's super effective) and not Jack. Jack can never be on Sam's level no matter what. And he later thanks Jack for willing to sacrifice himself so that he and Sam can live a normal life off of Chuck's hamster wheel (and you realize here just how desperately he needs Sam bc the WORLD is going to get destroyed if Jack doesn't sacrifice himself but Dean only cares about him and Sam wow) (and as you said nonnie, no mention of Cass either). I have a lot of conflicting feelings on Cass and Jack's relationship which I won't elaborate on rn bc this is getting way too long as is and I'm rambling (orz) but I totally agree that Dean realized Cass wouldn't stick around after Jack's gone. And he really didn't! It's canon! Jack pulled Cass out of the empty and Cass didn't bother to visit Sam and Dean between 15×19 and 15×20. Since Jack's put everything back to the way it was and Cass is in heaven and thus no longer in need of a vessel, he's most likely abandoned poor unwilling Jimmy's body and gone back to his original form aka a beam of light the size of the Chrysler Building. Back to my original point: Dean loves Jack, but that love is conditional imo, while Sam is his whole world, so it's no wonder he was okay with Jack willing to turn himself into a bomb. Sure, saving the world was important to him, but him and Sam being free from Chuck was clearly what Dean really wanted. So in conclusion, I 100% agree with you nonnie.

#asks #is this meta??? #meta #dean meta #just in case lol #I'm really sorry that my response is such a rambly mess nonnie ;;;A;;; #how does one articulate their thoughts orz #I was watching Tarzan the other day and it made me realize that jack is like tarzan #while sam is kala and dean is kerchak #it fits???? #yes I think about spn even when I consume media that's not spn what of it #dean winchester #jack kline #dean and jack #sam and dean #wincest #can be platonic too #I have a lot of thoughts on cass and jack's relationship too tbqh #which is funny since I don't like cass *gestures at my bio* #rememer how sam said dean was behaving like john? yeah that #I also think it's curious how kelly and sam are pretty similar #remember how the shifter who morphed into kelly said 'it doesn't matter what you are. only what you do'? #remember how sam said the same thing in s4? #yEAH #I actually really like the little snippets of dean and jack's relationship we got in the show #like how jack adopted dean's taste in music #and his swears lol #and dean teaching jack how to drive #I think it's cute #naila's ficlets about dean and jack set in Unity vibe a lot with how I look at their relationship

[kirishwima]

i just finished V's after ending (rip to my saved up hourglasses) and..hmm...hm...i have some Thoughts im gonna rant real quick before i forget bc i have the memory of a goldfish so if u wanna see my mad man's ramblings go ahead i guess, im on mobile so i cant add a read more right now orz

I got the forgive ending and...first up, i don't like the fact that there's a 'forgive' or 'judge' option. It feels so black and white and plays with one thing I hate-the use of mental illness as either an excuse or shield.

Rika is mentally ill. She has done unspeakable actions prompted by the delusions of her mental illness, further triggered by the enviroment she was in and the absoloute lack of help she received (look i love V he's my boo but...no, love cant solve anything. it can help sure but with mental illness especially delusional types like the one Rika suffers from requires pharmacotherapy and combined psychotherapy)

Rika has done bad things and is mentally ill-her mental illness EXPLAINS why she did what she did but does NOT excuse it. I'm fairly certain that if every person suffering from a psychiatric illness started a cult there'd be...well millions of cults. So yes, she can be 'forgiven' since she was likely unware of her actions (im not gonna get into the whole depiction of her mental illness here bc oof but let me just say-with my best guess being she suffers from delusional type of schizophrenia, her leaving and travelling around on her own without any support and suddenly, magically being ok is??!!!! so unrealistic???)

What she needs is help, proper support and YES, she needs to be held accountable for her actions especially once she's stable enough to recognise her wrong doings-which no, one does not just recognise through a magical dream of talking with god-they recognise through sessions of therapy with a trained medical professional to help them through it and with medication that can stabilise the dopamine levels in their brain.

And V travelling around for two years, that's fine and all but...there's some gaps?? like how did he go to Saeran and get him out after people went to mint eye and found out there was an explosion?? like...did no one see the one single still-standing room in the rubble??? im?? and what were they doing for two years??

and again-HERBS CAN'T CURE A DRUG WITHDRAWAL ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN ITS A COCKTAIL OF DRUGS LIKE WHAT SAERAN HAD BEEN TAKING THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG WHATS NEEDED IS PROPER HOSPITALISATION OFTEN WEEKS LONG TO MONITOR FOR SAID SIDE EFFECTS THAT CAN OFTEN BE LETHAL!

medical stuff aside bc i know thats just my own nit-picking: i did love Saeyoung's story although again, there's no explanation of...how Jumin's company survived bc lbr, would Rika's words be deemed more credible than a renounced politicians? With zero proof? And also what the everlasting heck happened to Vanderwood like?? We hear nothing from them after that one scene with Sae is Vanderwood ok??? Cheritz pls tell me our fav maid is safe and sound

also credit where its due-Saeyoung's despair over Saeran h u r t i legit cried, and i cried some more when the two reunited id been waiting for that and it made my heart Big Happy :')

I haven't played the judge ending and i dont think i will until after exams so i dont know if some of my questions are answered there but..jmmm

this last bit is just my own personal thing bc i never really liked the 'and they got married had kids and lived happily ever after' idea lol but this forgive ending felt....kinda bland tbh. I do adore V as a dad he's so cute im 🥺🥺 but i just...expected something different? idk what lol

anyway thats my midnight rambling on mysme for today-and please do let me state that i am in no wat bashing cheritz or the game, i adore mystic messenger and the wonderful characters we've all come to love, these are just my own personal thoughts on this route and are mainly influenced by the fact that im studying psychiatry right now lol. The only thing I do want to state is: for a solid 99% of the time, mental illness does not look like what is depicted through Rika. There's no magic realisation and suddenly everything is fine again. Like any somatic illness it's a struggle and requires treatment and professional help, and while of course recovery is possible, it requires effort and understanding. I'm mainly stating this again because it's completely understandable that some people may not know/think of this-that's why I just want to end with this so anyone playing through the game doesn't take it as fact of what mental illness recovery is like.

Anyway that's all lol ill add a read more once im on the pc if you read this far uhh im sending u an imminent hug also remember to drink water and take ur meds if u take any xoxo

#burrito talks #mysme #idk if i should tag mysme tho tbh lol #these r more like just my ramblings to make sense of tomorrow bc im too tired to be coherent rn

[drastic-measures-of-ignorance]

Spoilers for BNHA vigilante series (again)

I just gotta ramble my feelings about this some more I’m stILL FEELING

Just aaaa the whole thing was so heartbreaking like the trio down to two but I also feel kayama was kinda off to the side too? More then mic but she was there to see everything and did hang out with them and the whole thing with the cat...

I still can’t get over their plans for the future, aizawa wanted a cat tower and they would all raise a cat together. I love any moment where they include mic too because I feel he just was kinda off to the side as well and it was mainly focused on oboro and aizawa. I mean aizawa is the main point in this but stILL I really want to see how the others are coping. Even after a year they’re still coping in their own way and it kills me that its not togETHER. I get the feeling that aizawa since he was seemingly impacted the most, wanted to focus on his training to protect others like he couldn’t with oboro, but also because he doesn’t want to feel that pain again? He’s always been aloof but that one moment with everyone on the roof talking about their future where he actually smiled, like is that the first time we saw that smile?? I could be wrong bUT

It hurts my shipper heart more because like yamada and aizawa need to just cope and deal with it together but they’re so different its keeps them from doing that? Mic seemingly wants to when he brings it up in the main manga but aizawa just kinda avoids it?? It’s still touchy after all this time it seems, and I don’t want to say only for aizawa but Mic too, but who knows how he’s really feeling because hes the comic relief character always smiling. I really want to see him dealing with this, especially alone. It kills me that he’s always there for aizawa but aizawa just goes off on his own. Like please realize and appreciate how much Mic is there for you aizawa like he really cares. orz 

I also hate that though of Mic being a replacement for Oboro, since they were so alike but Mic is said to have more energy. I just have to keep reminding myself that they’re still here after 15 years. Mic could’ve just upped and left after that but he still kept in contact. And Aizawa could just have ignored him all these years or whatever but he still stays. Even so, since Mic is more energetic, why would he even want to stay if he supposedly hated Mic? There’s such little context clues and breadcrumbs about their relationship (at least from me lol I’m starved and I haven’t been in the fandom for so long so forgive me orz) but each speaks something about how close they are? I’m not sure which is considered canon like the Briefs, Smash, light novels, etc, but like I just want to see more from these two in the main manga/anime. I also want to see Aizawa caring about Mic too since Mic has shown it with that USJ scene. 

I admittedly havemy doubts sometimes too because I don’t want to be disappointed but like, besides the ship, I love their friendship so much and I want to see more. I have a feeling possibly that a confrontation may happen to give them more depth, likely from Oboro’s death. I’d just love to see a more serious side to Mic and really tell Aizawa how he felt during the whole thing, and maybe they can finally deal with it together. Maybe Kayama may play a part? I hope? I just want Aizawa to believe he isn’t alone after all and he has someone who cares for him so much. 

Yet, I’m also afraid about their future as well, I’m terrified that somethings going to happen to split these guys up, my poor heart can’t take it. (Mic in danger and Aizawa saving him anyone? Hoshikori pls confirm) I pray for a happy ending with these two because they really deserve it, but idk there’s always something in the back of my mind that prepares for the worst aha...

Sorry if things seem jumbled I’m just trying to release some feelings and my shipper heart was having a meltdown. I legit will pay someone to compile all erasermic interactions together so my soul can be soothed I am so fILLED WITH FEAR AGAJHDEKR

#bnha vigilantes #bnha #eraserhead #present mic #erasermic #vigilantes manga

[lunchtimerushin]

nijiaka mini-event!

//zoooms; please forgive me in advance for pushing my hc _(:3!!!!!! 

Who’s a better cook? Nijimura would be the better cook, mostly since (I hc him to be the oldest not the middle child haha;; ) he would have done most of the cooking for his siblings because his mom would’ve been busy working/taking care of his dad. I’d like to think he’s as ~amazing~ as Kagami is; not a 5-star restaurant quality, but enough to be fed and feel warm. 

Do they quarrel a lot? They’d fight over dumb things I think! Mostly because they have their own pride and are not in the habit of relying on people in general. I think the more fights they have, the more they realize they have to get used to the idea of being vulnerable to each other (which is not an easy thing to do for both of them.)

What’s their favorite aspect of each other? Akashi likes how stubborn but headstrong Nijimura is; it amazes him how much effort he puts into making sure Haizaki comes to practice because if it was up to him (and it was) he would have been gone. I don’t think Akashi understands Nijimura’s approach/temper and that’s probably what fascinates him. Nijimura likes Akashi’s way of thinking, very pragmatic. He’s smart too and is able to make decisions that’d benefit the whole team. (funnily enough, I think these aspects are what makes them a good captain)

How did they meet for the first time? Before Teikou, I think! When Nijimura was a pudding head delinquent and Akashi was just this little rich kid wandering around. I semi-adopted the hc idea from one of hatoniku’s doujinshis; where Akashi was chasing a cat that stole his ribbon tie and he bumps into Nijimura. Nijimura then takes him to the police station. It’s a sweet story and I think that they met that way, though Nijimura wouldn’t have remembered it as clearly as Akashi did.  

How was their first kiss like? Very tender~! (hufhuh)  Akashi would have been the one to initiate it, but he doesn’t know how to kiss exactly so he just presses his lips against Nijimura’s and goes: //huff, how’s that. (Nijimura isn’t that experience either, so they keep at it a while bit before Nijimura experiments a bit more with lip biting and such. BUT FOR NOW, it’s tender and innocent lip smacks. <3; )

Are they a romantic couple? THIS IS HARD; on one hand, I want them to be casually married ™ and act like an old married couple that just mesh very well together. On the other hand, I want them to obliviously PDA so casually in public, everyone is like, please just get a room. In terms of love languages though: Akashi would be the more showy romantic one, bringing flowers and gifts to Nijimura as well as being very vocal with his affection. Nijimura shows his love by doing things for Akashi and physical touch; (and they both love spending time together, just being around each other.)

What would be their ideal date? Exploring the streets of Tokyo or the countryside; I think Akashi would enjoy the hole-in-the-wall areas and the peace and the sense of adventure. (He also probably likes that Nijimura is trying to surprise him; and he likes letting himself go along with his pace.)  Also inviting Akashi to his house to stay the night would be A+; not only is Akashi smothered by Nijimura’s warm family, but Nijimura and Akashi probably spend the entire night playing games or reading manga. Just leisure activities that Akashi never really have the time or opportunity to do if he was at his own house. With life already so hectic, a nice date would just be sprawling on Nijimura’s bed without reservations and reading Slam Dunk or watching Japanese variety shows. 

Who contacted with who first after Nijimura’s graduation? I think it was Nijimura! I think he would have been really worried about the state of things back in Teikou since he’s heard a lot about it second-hand. But, I don’t think Akashi (or Bokushi) replied to him at all during that year, so Nijimura was left with a lot of read messages on his end. Probably sometime after Nijimura’s fifth LINE message, Bokushi tells him to stop bothering him. (Of course, he’d have used boku or something along that effect.)  After the winter cup, that’s probably when Akashi picks up the phone to poke at Nijimura again, apologizing for his past behavior. It starts off awkward at first, but they get back into the habit of exchanging messages (since they’ve done so frequently back in Teikou years.)

Do they take a lot of pictures together? All right. Nijimura likes to take selfies with Akashi; Akashi likes to take pictures of Nijimura. Nijimura is usually the first person to whip out his phone at random times during their dates, to take a top-down selfie or selfie with Akashi as they eat their food. Akashi is a bit more discreet, snapping pictures whenever he observes Nijimura being interesting (which is always probably.) 

Who makes up first after a fight?: It depends on who’s fault  it is!! It’s not easy for them to apologize hufhu. (That reminds me to draw that comic about this orz;;; ) Nijimura is really bad with his words so his apologies are less words and more action. This means showing up at Akashi’s door like a kicked dog with a small bouquet of roses and a demand that there’s a reservation to one of Akashi’s favorite restaurants, and they’re going right now. (They talk through their problems through dinner, and after that, things would be okay, I think.) On Akashi’s end, how I think it goes: he would show up at Nijimura’s place, looking put together (but barely) because he’s too bothered by their fight to function well. (He could try to compartmentalize, but I think a fight with Nijimura would have shaken him up too much.) He’d never outright apologize, but instead talk around the apology until he’s sure Nijimura’s not angry at him anymore. Nijimura usually gives in and just gives him a hug and things work from there.

How did they feel about each other before? And now? Respect! It’s all about the mutual respect between them that I really adore. They both are so capable on their own and they admire each other for it. They complement and supplement each other; so the support is there and it continues on through their relationship! If anything, they’ve learned to open up to each other, (though they still would be stubborn about some things oops.)

Do they cuddle often? Always but rarely in public (unless we have the oblivious, married couple that PDA in public with no self-awareness.) I think they both would seek physical touch from each other; whether headptting, caressing their hands or face, or leaning against each other. ^q^ y..yea.

How did they get together? So many ways...so many../holds head; I think it’s through a very gradual but slow process of pining on both ends, until the Kisekis are like: all right you two, just get together already. And even then there really isn’t an official start to their relationship. A lot of it would just sort of mesh together, and yeah. ^q^;; ANYWAYS, I RAMBLED SO MUCH//yells aaa; I love nijiaka so much T__T;;; thank you for listening/reading huuu; hope you guys have a great nijiaka day!!

#nijiakaweek2017 #knb #lunch talks #nijiaka #uuuuuuuuuu #rambling like this reminded me of all the comics I've yet to draw orz;;;;;;;;;;;; #i need to get back to doing that!!!! //jumps #i hope you guys have a great day ;v; #I also wanna thank the ppl who responded to my text post the other day aa #I was feeling really down and terrible so reading your hc and ideas was so uplifting #!!! one day I'll draw them all so if I don't respond to you it's bc I'm trying to #draw them #but what is time __(:3 /cries;;

[sharkafina]

Kalafina 27 Week Challenge: Week 10 & 11!

Hi!! I accidentally missed last week's challenge so I'll do last week and this week in one post! Please forgive my lazy ass for not doing this earlier ;A; Favorite thing about each Kalafina member? Well, the obvious reason would be their talent but let's not go with that because that's just TOO obvious lol Keiko: Honestly she's one of the happiest people I've ever seen. Her happiness and optimism is just so contagious, and her smile is just so bright and pretty, it makes you feel kind of hopeful, if you get me? She transmits a very hopeful feeling. She's a very encouraging person and the way she talks about Wakana and Hikaru is just ASDFGHJKL (sorry for my fangirl spasm orz). She loves them so much and it makes me happy. (P.D. Wakana why won't you let Keiko nuzzle you TAT, she just wants to feel your love~~~). Keiko has gone a very long way to achieve what she has done, I just dislike it when I see comments like "she doesn't put much effort into singing" (yes, I've seen this kind of comments around!). Like, excuse me, do you have any idea of all the work she has done to achieve her almost-flawless voice?? No you don't so shush. Wakana: She's such an amazing person, isn't she? She's just so interesting, with all of her obsessions and whatnot. She's such a nerdy person (from sharks and dinosaurs to stars and the weather, she has so many interests). Also the fact that she's such a movie/TV/book nerd is so cute. Honestly, what's not to love about our Sharkana? She has kind of a mom vibe tho (not that it's a bad thing~ Please Mum Wakana, take care of Keiko and Hikalu). Also, the way Wakana has overcome all of her difficulties and problems is just so admirable. She's such a strong person, isn't she? Even when she was sick, she would just go out and sing her lungs out. I mean, when I'm sick I don't even want to make oral presentations in class, but she's just so... wow. Hikaru: I think she's the most relatable member of the group, isn't she? I mean, I feel like we all can relate to Hikaru. She loves to sleep, eat, sleep more... wait am I talking about Hikaru or about myself? Lol. She's such a calm person, and when she gets excited about her hobbies it's just too cute (even if I don't watch anime, how can I not love Geekaru??). No offense but it really irks me when Maya fans bash on Hikaru, and start rambling about how Maya was so much better than Hikaru. It's not Hikaru's fault that Maya left the group (or whatever happened, idk...). And, in my personal opinion, Hikaru is a great vocalist and there's no need for comparisons! Favorite live performances One of my favorite live performances has always been the Kalafina Red Moon live 2010 in JCB Hall (throwback to when I was 10 yo and didn't have the slightest idea that Kalafina even existed...). Since it says to include specific songs, I'd choose Hoshi no Utai, I have a dream and Ongaku from that performance, because it's just too damn amazing.

[merakiui]

How is it that every time you write something, a ramble, a passing thought, a mention, of Trey I am reduced to a giddy mess. And for every post you make of him, you make me realise what my ideal man is and how down bad I am for this man. Idk maybe I'm in the same boat as you and it's because he's actually cunning and manipulative behind his "you can rely on me" exterior. Ugh he's so frustratingly hot. People believe that he's the "I'll have your daughter back by 10" type of guy, and he can be, but he's also the type of guy to call your parents and go "sorry I didn't bring them back earlier, it's been really busy lately, I promise to have them back tomorrow morning" and your parents wouldn't suspect a thing cause they know how responsible Trey is so of course they're okay with leaving you in good hands, all while said man is pounding into you, smiling down at your fucked out expression when he hangs up the phone. Now you two have the entire night to yourselves, all with your parents'permission :)

YES OMG...... it's actually so embarrassing how one mere thought of Trey is enough to have me doubled over. OTL I am down atrocious for him. He is the only twst guy who I would let knock me up in a heartbeat, even if his intentions are to baby-trap. Not even Azul has that power over me. This is just the Trey Effect. >_< I think it might be due to how smooth he is??? How the concept of domestic bliss applies so nicely to him. How completely safe and "normal" he appears compared to the other more suspicious individuals in the twst cast. How seamlessly he can manipulate you without appearing so obvious about it. He seems so sweet and caring and responsible (and he is), but he's also incredibly sneaky and you wouldn't even realize it.

Aaaaaa orz he absolutely is the type of boyfriend to keep you out past curfew and then use the excuse that the both of you were having so much fun that you didn't even realize the time had passed so quickly. But Trey's family is very trustworthy, as is Trey himself, so your parent(s) or guardian(s) can rest well knowing you're in good hands for the evening. And those hands are very good, so good at working you open, at prying your lips apart so you can suck on his fingers, at gripping your hips when he bottoms out in one thrust that has you seeing stars.

He's the type to fuck you just hours before your wedding, promising he'll be quick and it won't be too messy, competing with time just for the fun thrill of it. And he'll tease you with little things of what he'll do to you on your honeymoon, where the two of you can pick up where you left off just before the ceremony. >:)

Omg and if you're staying at the Clovers' house, you have to be quiet when he fucks you so you won't wake his siblings or his parents who are sleeping just a few doors down. AAAAAAA he brings you down to the bakery and fucks you against the counter so you can be just a little louder. You might assume he would be so boring and vanilla from a first glance assessment, but appearances are often deceiving. Trey continues to surprise and amaze.

#twisted chit chat #n/sfw #i need him. i need him so carnally on every surface in every position #this takes me back to when i first started simping for azul after realizing 'wait a moment... oooo he's actually very fine' #my third eye has opened yet again orz trey clover you are the best most ideal husband #actually no other men exist it is just trey clover he's the only man in this world #trey clover supremacy <3 #(please forgive my rambling in the thoughts written above orz) #(the power trey has... it's too much)

[merakiui]

On my knees for your genius galaxy brain...now I'm brainrotting hard about Azul + oviposition > < oh and also happy woman's day dear <3

YES OMG AAAAAAAA oviposition with Azul is just so good. I was so tempted to write it for Azul thought four, but in the end I decided no eggs. T_T not this time... </3 but it's really too yummy!!!!! So many thoughts!!! >v< something about desperate, pathetic tako stuffing you with many eggs... uuwuuuuuwuauaaaaa becoming so protective of you and the clutch!!! Only letting the twins near you because he can trust them (for the most part) not to do anything to harm you or his babies. He tries so hard to build a family with you. Imagine how happy he is if, after so many unsuccessful attempts, one of the many eggs finally hatches and it's a tiny, chubby octo-mer who is beyond adorable with features from both you and Azul and omg!!!!! That's his baby! That's the product of you and him, of your love!! He's filled with so much love right away. He's going to be the best father in the entire world.

OOOOOOO and imagine how emotional he gets!!! He's crying so much because he's so overjoyed and AAAAAAA HE DESERVES HAPPINESS!!! NO MISERY. ONLY LOVE AND JOYFUL DAYS!!!!!!!!

Of course as a writer who likes to portray pain and misery, it's also tempting to write sadness and angst. But not this time! This time he is a happy tako with a happy life and a happy family and !!!!!!!! omg just imagine a situation where he lives his entire life alone and unloved and then he finds you and the both of you gradually fall in love and then (fun plot stuff happens to build relationship dynamic yes yes very nice) eggs!!!! <3 aaaaaaaa orz orz in conclusion: Azul + oviposition = really perfect and so delicious. Octopus eggs are also really small, so imagine how many he can stuff inside you >:) and then imagine how much bigger they will get as the little octo-mer fry inside grow.

#twisted chit chat #scaranya #tw: oviposition #and happy woman's day to you as well dearest!!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♡ #naturally to celebrate azul should fill me with eggs teehee~~ #please forgive my ramblings again orz my eloquence vanishes when i see azul and eggs in the same sentence hehe;;;

[merakiui]

how does azuls octo-dick work like 😭 IM SORRY I NEED VISUALS

Allow me to help paint the visual!!! I have become Professor Meraki (silly delusion), specializing in octopus biology (specifically how that applies to our beloved Azuzu)!!!!!!!!ヾ(^ω^*) welcome to my class!!!!

The octopus's reproductive organ is called a hectocotylus, and it is known as a "modified/specialized arm" (or you can call it a "sex arm") that will transfer sperm to the female octopus. This is usually done by inserting said arm into the female octopus's mantle cavity; he usually keeps her at a distance because most female octopus become cannibalistic and will kill and feast upon their mates (a girlboss, those female octopus).

The arm has three main components (two of which are the ligula and calamus), but the most important part I will discuss is the spermatophore groove! Spermatophore is what octopus semen is called, and they are essentially packs of semen that can be up to one meter in length and contain billions of sperm. Many of these packs will reside in rows along the spermatophore groove because a lot is needed to fertilize many eggs (octopus copulation is said to last hours)!

The octopus's hectocotylus is actually smaller than the rest of its tentacles and so it will keep it curled inward against itself to protect it. It's a very important organ because it is the very thing that will allow the octopus to have enough anatomical rizz to mate with one fair octopus maiden. Sadly, both the female and male octopus will eventually die after mating. Octopus love story is tragic.

To present a visual diagram:

But how does this apply to our beloved tako? I like to think that the biology can be applied well, in that Azul naturally has a hectocotylus in his mer form and that it is universal animal instinct to want to protect such a vital reproductive organ. Although since he's half-human and he has a mother, I don't think his species will die after mating. Perhaps that's just an evolution of merfolk? Maybe it is some human strength or a result of parts of merfolk biology that allow for mating without death? In any case, his love story will not be tragic!!! A very good W for Mr. Azul.

I also think the rest of octopus courting rituals and mating behaviors can be applied to Azul (i.e. hours-long mating period, having spermatophores, instinctively keeping mate at a distance because many female merfolk are ruthless and perhaps this is just deeply rooted instinct, turning a darker or paler coloration when displaying before a mate, guarding mate from other males, and so on).

So to summarize: Azul's dick works just like the octopus's hectocotylus because it is one! Furthermore, you will be 100% knocked up if Azul takes you in his mer form. But then that's just all merfolk, including the twins. They have to be particularly virile if they intend to reproduce a lot, as most fry do not often survive in the tumultuous sea. And they have a lot of strength and stamina to last many hours, as is usually a common time length for copulation for many sea creatures. You will have a very fun, exhausting time with the trio in their mer forms when it comes time to mate!

Lecture dismissed!!!! Next week I will bring in Azul to show you the hectocotylus in real life. Please make sure to bring your notebook for recording important information. It will be on the exam. (*ᵕᴗᵕ)⁾⁾

#twisted chit chat #n/sfw #my biology professor from many years ago: i'm happy to have had you as my student you will do many good things in your academic future #me: :D thank you sir (he does not know this knowledge will later be applied to anime men with animal characteristics) #UUWWWAUAUAAAAAA please forgive my ramblings orz #i just think it is fun to apply real life biology to the seafood trio

[merakiui]

for your ask game, I thought id answer for 7! it was the rook fic, 11:11 - sugar dew sewn anew :)

I had actually held off on reading it for awhile because I wasn't entirely sure I was going to like the ending and, well, it definitely gave me mixed feelings. I remember my mouth was agape the first time I had read and finished it in its entirety 😭

I was so conflicted because part of me absolutely adored the ending and was satisfied with it, but was also left feeling a bit frustrated.

I loved the horror and suspense — or more so, the feeling that something is wrong and you know something is wrong but you don't know what and/or can't do anything to fix it — dread. that's the emotion I'm looking for. I loved every bit of the dreadful feelings the story created, and that only gradually increased the further I read, because the anticipation of having an idea of what was coming but not knowing exactly when- was killing me (and definitely killed mc)

so I did thoroughly enjoy the anticipation the setting of the story set up, and how it carried that feeling all the way up to the climax, once introduced

and despite what I may say in the next section or two, I truly did enjoy rooks character in this story. i greatly enjoyed his dialogue, and would even applaud him for his never ending ability to make someone feel unsettled! his love and adoration for the darling never fails to make me queasy. objectively, it is disturbing; a man so "in love" he kills the very person he dearly cherishes. but at the same time, a sick, twisted part of me genuinely enjoyed that his obsession went so far that it reached the state of death - like wow, get you a man who means it when he says he will love you in life and death!! overall, rooks character was a fun one to read and analyze throughout the story, especially once the creep-factor started increasing lol

but as I said earlier, despite how satisfied I was with this ending, a part of me couldn't fully accept it. and my feelings for not wholly accepting the ending is not at all a reflection of your writing, but rather a simple personal preference and opinion of mine!!

I do enjoy reading yandere stories where the darling dies; whether that be of natural, accidental, or self-inflicted causes, or even where the yandere does kill them, but then later regrets it (those are always so scrumptious, I love seeing yanderes become pathetic)!! and I also do enjoy reading yandere stories where the yandere gets their "happy" ending, but I only enjoy those stories for certain characters, as I believe some characters are simply not eligible to earn their happy ending 😒 and one of those characters are rook.

whether speaking of rook in his canon sense, or with a yandere twist, he is a terrifying and fear-inducing man. and because of the fact that no matter which way you speak of rook - even in the most cute, fluffiest context imaginable! - it doesn't take away that he is a canon hunter and therefore has a diverse skillset catered to catching and trapping prey. and when you are aware of that knowledge going into a yandere rook fic, then you already know that a happy ending, or successful escape for rooks darling is practically unimaginable; because rook would simply not let that happen. so knowing rook is more than likely to get HIS happy ending in yandere fics, it's unfortunate (to me at least). and I did not expect anything different when beginning my read of 11:11. I knew rook would be the victor here, but it doesn't make it hurt any less knowing darling will never get their own happy ending 😔

but what rook did in this story that takes it a step further is involving what I mentioned earlier, the 'darling dies' trope. to reiterate, I do enjoy these tropes, especially when there's angst or pain on the yanderes end, but once again, rook does not fall into that category. rather than rook experiencing any kind of turmoil over the death of his darling, he's happy and is even the one to have caused darlings death. so not only does his bob-cut ass get his happy ending, his happy ending also results in killing his darling. darling already had no chance of escaping from rook once he set his gaze on them, but for him to reaally seal that fate and kill them, too? aaah, it's frustrating!! and I think what frustrates me the most on this part is that, in the 'darling dies' stories that I read, when the darling kicks the bucket, its accompanied by intention, will, or even acceptance! the darlings are at least aware or have come to terms with their impending death. but the darling in 11:11 experienced none of those feelings nor did they even want to give up!! rook just took their life at a time they weren't ready for, and for his own selfish, happy ending. and finally, when the darling dies in those types of stories, I actually view it as a rather bittersweet thing. because it at least means they escaped their yandere/captor, despite them only being able to achieve that freedom through death. but unlike those stories, where darling is eventually given freedom from their yandere, 11:11's darling, even in death, is stuck with rook and he refuses to let them go. it's just so !!! it's honestly kind of heartbreaking; knowing all that darling went through. and even before their death, probably no comfort came to them as maybe a part of them suspected what rook would do with them after death. from the chase to climax, darling was unlucky and was never given an ounce of security - even when meeting death. and I think thats what really pulls it together for me when dealing with this ending. knowing that there were probably so many internal thoughts and emotions swirling inside of darling but were left unspoken as rook took their life AAAAA it brings me such anguish </3

all in all, I think what left me the most irritated was that everything was done for and by rook. every aspect of the story was created for him and him alone, there was never room for darling when his obsession with them extends so far, to the point hes willing to take their life for his own. it's truly amazing how selfish yet poetic he was in 11:11 😭

SO. to put it simply, yes, there was a fic of yours that left me emotional. not sappy-emotional, but conflicted-emotional. it was such a satisfying yet irritating ending all at once. it did leave me with a few questions as to where this leaves rook now. such as "would a situation like darling's occur again with another victim in the future?" or "is he really, truly, satisfied with the person he loved so much being nothing but a glamorized corpse now?" but honestly, I could probably answer the second question myself, I'm just avoiding it as the answer might further make me dislike his character in this story LMAO

I know I was pissed as hell talking about rook earlier, but 11:11 is most definitely my favorite characterization of him you've written so far. in fact, 11:11, despite me being hesitant to start, has definitely become one of my personal favorite works of yours and something that will probably never leave my mind.

the writing is truly mesmerizing, and the way you wrote rook was so beautifully-crafted. despite how much I disliked his character in this work, I also loved every second of him and his creepiness. also, although I havent mentioned setting much, it's truly one of the biggest elements that ties all of this together. the setting you made for the atmosphere, and especially the chase sequence, blends amazingly with the the flow and dialogue. it doesnt feel out of place in the slightest and actually evokes more intense emotions when paired with the writing. the departing imagery you left the reader with was particularly gorgeous and will never leave my mind!!

you truly outdid yourself with 11:11; as I read it months ago and it's still so fresh and vivid in my mind; that it elicited such emotions from me. I am so happy it won the poll that one day LMAOO or else we would've never gotten such a masterpiece </3

I know the timeloop au rook fic is far into your planner, but aaah, I have a feeling it will also ignite such emotions within me, so I am very excitedly looking forward to it!!

I apologize for the length of this ask! 😭 I hope everything makes sense and that my interpretation and opinions come across cleanly and clearly!! i was having trouble with properly wording and voicing my thoughts, so forgive me for any errors or repeated/not further elaborated ideas. I also hope my comparisons to other, general tropes/stories did not bother you! 11:11 was by far unique and an original piece, and it doesn't come close to anything I've ever read before! i just found it easier to use basic trope styles as a way to clearly articulate my thoughts, but I truly meant no harm when using them to refer to the plot of 11:11. so, if I had managed to offend you at all, I am sincerely sorry!

anyways, I reeeallly hope this ask actually sends and doesn't get eaten because I'd hate to rewrite this 😭 but i hope youre doing well!! :)

(ask game)

Anon, oh my GOSH!!!!!! I am beyond flattered and so speechless to know that 11:11 gave you such emotional turmoil!!! I was hooked reading every word of your ask!! Please never apologize for the length of your message! I'm so grateful to receive it and read it. Just knowing that you enjoyed 11:11 and took the time to put your thoughts into writing has me so immensely honored. >o<

I couldn't help laughing at your referring to Rook as "his bob-cut ass" LOL. He really is the most frustrating type of yandere. >:( you've made so many great points with your analysis (and none of the comparisons to tropes offended me! Rather, I was happy to read about them! :D), and among them I think your comment on the situation makes darling and Rook's story even more difficult to stomach:

all in all, I think what left me the most irritated was that everything was done for and by rook. every aspect of the story was created for him and him alone, there was never room for darling when his obsession with them extends so far, to the point hes willing to take their life for his own. it's truly amazing how selfish yet poetic he was in 11:11 😭

You're absolutely right! The very first thing I thought of when writing the story was that everything was and is centered around Rook. The setting (while an eerie backdrop to place both him and Reader in) suits Rook's character more than it does the Reader's. The trophy room he sits in, framed by various animal heads, was intentionally written for him. Those descriptions of being prey or predator are for him because he's a hunter and this is his story. From beginning to end, the entire plot is tailored to fit Rook and his all-encompassing obsession. You're absolutely right when you say, "there was never room for darling when his obsession with them extends so far." He's horrifically selfish, and the mindset of "if I can't have you, no one can" is mostly applied to 11:11!Rook. Because he is greedy and he recognizes this, but then he finds beauty in the brutal, in the obsession, in the raw, animalistic fear the Reader feels when it dawns on them that he's going to kill them.

The reader was never going to get a happy ending. This was how I drafted the story, with this in mind. The moment the story opens, Reader is doomed. Their head was always destined to take the place of the headless mount. Of course the mount itself is already indicative of what's to come, a classic example of Chekhov’s gun that immediately foreshadows that, at some point, the headless mount will soon have its head. Infuriatingly enough, it's Rook who gets his happy ending, handed to him on a platter because he doesn't truly suffer in the fic. Sure, there is resistance from the Reader and they try to survive, but in the end it's Rook who wins with an ease so smooth you'd think he's done this before. And maybe he has. Maybe he's killed more than just birds and deer and mice. Who can say, really?

He's so creepy and so vexing in 11:11. There is not an ounce of remorse to his character here. It doesn't pain him that he's taking a life. Rather, he's excited. Giddy, even, because in his twisted perception he's not ending your life; he's refurbishing it. Giving new life to your death. Most often, when something horrible happens, we look for reasons. Why is this happening to me? Why did this happen? Why are you doing this? We ask all kinds of questions. Knowing that there is reason and logic behind tragedy can often help us make sense of it, especially if it's traumatic and sudden. And that's exactly what Reader attempts to do in the fic:

"What did I ever do to you to deserve this?" “Nothing, mon amour.” “N-Nothing?” “Absolutely nothing!” he reaffirms, rather conversationally, and the frustration-riddled tension in your body deflates all at once.

It's especially despairing because there is no sadness or regret. Rook loves human life, but then his actions here suggest it's below him in some way. That he loves it just enough to wax truthful poetry, but not enough to reconsider appreciating the beauty while Reader's alive and well. Most of all, it hurts because he has no valid reason for taking Reader's life other than for his own selfish desires. There is no revenge plot here. There is no death due to self-defense here. There is no death by accident here; it's all intentional. He's killing the Reader because it pleases him. Because he wants to. Because he can. The Reader has never done anything wrong to Rook. It's simply the fact that they exist that he's willing to go so far in his infatuation, and that's so heartbreaking. Reader just wants to live, but Rook will not let that happen because, once again, he is so annoyingly selfish.

And it's due to this selfishness that he's able to smile and hum so jovially come morning when he's putting the finishing touches on the newest trophy added to his collection.

Ramblings aside, I'm also happy Rook won in the poll! Originally, the idea was simply "an artist who struggles to love encounters [insert yandere here] and finds inspiration in their eyes." I was going to use this for Jade, in which the Reader could never quite paint him perfectly and would soon become so obsessed with portraying him accurately on a canvas, which would then allow Jade to twist their perception of him. Essentially, the endgame with Jade's version of this concept was that he'd keep you locked up in his home as a pet, promising to grant you freedom once you finally paint the emotions in his eyes properly. Until then, Reader would remain as his cat. Obviously this idea is not nearly as gruesome as Rook's. ^^;;; so I'm glad he was voted, otherwise 11:11 would have been a very different story.

And the time loop Rook fic... I'm almost positive it will incite a lot of feelings, one of which I hope is anger. >:) it's going to be a very wild plot. Many twists and turns!

#sweet messages #thank you again for your message anon!!!!!!! #i am beyond happy to have read it omg (๑>ᴗ<๑) #please forgive me for also rambling a lot... orz

[merakiui]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RAMBLE ON ABOUT JADE AND HIS MONSTROUS LOVE 🥺🥺🥺 ABOUT HIM EATING YOU WHOLE BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH

No part of you will go to waste, he'll cook you thoroughly and cherish every single bite. After all, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and you're certainly going that way. Then once you're fully digested, you'll become parts of his flesh, the blood that runs through his veins. The both of you will never be apart again <333

(I was also thinking of another route where he'll just shrink you down, chewing and poking at you playfully with his tongue, before swallowing you whole, keeping you safe in his tummy forever. I don't know what's the line that separates cannibalism and vore, aren't they sort of the same?)

Anyway, Yandere Jade who thinks with his stomach expresses his love thru cannibalism(❁´◡`❁)

HE IS SO.......... WWAAAAAAAA OTL my favorite murder eel who can shock my heart anytime he wants. I want to write a lot about the concept of monstrous love and the different types of hunger and how they apply to Jade with his big appetite (for both food and perhaps even love). There's a lot to explore!!!! He's such an enigma!!! I wonder if he's ever considered doing mukbang.... OMG,,,,,, mukbang on the dark web, but it's just Jade eating a spread of various human parts he's prepared. Scary... ;;;;; or maybe you're right there with him and he's making you join him even though you don't want to. :( terrible eel!!!!

While I don't write for vore and so this may be incorrect, my understanding is that cannibalism and vore are both different in their own respects. The similarity is that there's a focus on consumption, but the difference is that there's more brutality in cannibalism, as well as a focus on the build-up to inevitable feasting. Likely torture aspects, how the person is killed and later prepared, and so on. More gore and perhaps even violence; it's messy. The end result, in most cases, is death if [insert character here] has killed you and is cooking and eating you in parts. With vore, I think there's more emphasis on the relationship or dynamic between predator and prey and how there's not usually gore involved (although I'm sure there could be), merely just the act of being swallowed alive and whole and then being kept in the predator's stomach, whether to be digested or not.

HOWEVER!!!!! The idea of being shrunken down to a small size...... macro/micro with Jade........ being a smol fairy who the twins capture and put in a jar and......... :) Jade holding you up by your wings, pinching them in two fingers, and dangling you over a bubbling cauldron or the batter for a cake he's baking and acting as if he might drop you in............. he's the worst. >:( but Floyd with a little fairy darling is cute because I think he'd put you in a dollhouse and watch you sleep because you're so cute and he has to restrain himself from just,,,, crushing you in his fist because the cuteness aggression has him in a chokehold. >_<

Aaaaaa I love the idea of yan!Jade always thinking with his stomach even when it comes to love. He's hungry for your heart in more ways than one. To use my blog's catchphrase, he's after your heart. <3 hehehe!!!

But on the subject of cannibalism, there's a Vocaloid song called The Last Supper in which Len is sick with a seemingly incurable disease and no food can seem to sate him; so Kaito and Gakupo feed him all kinds of foods in hopes of finding one that pleases his bottomless appetite, but eventually they run out of ingredients and so they offer themselves to Len. This concept but with a royal!darling and butler!tweels........... but then maybe they just feed you Azul instead. T_T he has eight tentacles; maybe he can spare one to help you overcome your insatiable hunger, but then maybe that ends with you getting attached to the taste of Zuzu. Maybe he was a prisoner in the palace dungeons......... hmhmhmmmm many thoughts. >:D

orz aaaaaaa forgive me for rambling about lots of things at once!!!!!!

#twisted chit chat #heyyy11 #tw: cannibalism #tw: vore #<- tagging just in case :D

[merakiui]

I neeeeed ⭐ for death row undertow please it's how I found you and I still stay up thinking about sk!jade

Omg thank you for asking!!! :D I've written a little about the series here and here, but I'll discuss more below! Specifically Reader and Jade's relationship! (please forgive me for rambling. orz)

(ask game)

Originally, their relationship was going to be complete strangers! The early concept for DRU was a story that followed serial killer Jade as he looks for his next victim at speed-dating events (like a charming wolf eel in sheep’s skin). At one particular event, he meets Reader and the two of them click. From there he decides he’ll make her his next meal.

This was a concept I quite liked and it almost became the foundation for the story. But the more I considered it, I realized it might feel like a hollow plot without much dimension if it focused solely on Reader and Jade. I kept thinking, someone out there has to care enough for (Name) to want to look for her, right? The world may be stagnant when she’s trapped in Jade’s home, but beyond that it will inevitably continue. So surely someone will notice she’s missing. I want to portray that side, too.

Additionally, I wanted to write a story where readers can care about and root for the MC’s successes while actively hoping for Jade’s failure. I thought it would hurt more if Reader was on friendly terms and knew Jade before the kidnapping. It is said that many kidnappings are often someone you know rather than a stranger, so I thought it would be interesting to explore Reader’s fear and betrayal as she realizes her “friend” was never a true friend to begin with! And with this I considered dynamics and relationships outside of the main pairing (Jade x Reader). In the early plot, Reader wasn’t acquainted with any of the Octavinelle trio, but I eventually changed this factor when I began to write the improved version of the plot (which would also include the slow burn elements).

The early plot looked something like this: serial killer Jade kidnaps (Name) after connecting at a speed-dating event -> (Name) is terrified and lies about being pregnant to survive -> many terrifying things happen -> death of (Name) -> Jade gets to feast. Initially, I was content with this plot because it was sickening and thrilling, but it felt like something was missing. ^^;;; I worked hard to rewrite many aspects of the plot until it became a completely different version from my original imagining of it. :O

I thought it would be fun if Azul had an involvement with Reader. At first I wondered if they should be in a genuinely romantic relationship, but I liked the tension of a fwb situation much more. I like that Reader’s able to use Azul as her scapegoat in this situation. His presence is as useful as it is burdensome in her life. >:) it’s a transactional relationship that will make you wonder if there’s actual love there or just lust in disguise! Also, how else could Azul pull off his fake proposal if it was a real relationship without any strings attached? I really wanted to write a scene like that, but it would be more tense if Reader was constantly walking the tightrope of love or not love! Their relationship feels like the deep sea to me. What you see in the story isn’t even part of it. So much has yet to be explored… :)

As for Cater and Riddle, they were added as an afterthought. When I sat down to write the first chapter in summer of 2022, my mind blanked and I had no idea how to begin. Prior to plotting DRU, I was working on a wip in which Reader works part-time at a diner with Cater and Riddle. That (now abandoned) wip is where The Devil’s Delight comes from (as well as the Cater/Riddle/Reader friendship)! I was so attached to the aesthetic and the dynamics between the trio that I couldn’t just let it wither away into oblivion. So I worked it into DRU’s plot. It fit wonderfully with my vision, and so I could write smoothly from there! As a result of that, I’m very fond of DRU’s first chapter. :D it sets the mood I was hoping to convey perfectly!

Here are some notes from the (abandoned) wip that made it into DRU (aside from that note about the Mostro Lounge hehe):

I wanted Reader to have unique relationships with each of the side characters (not just Jade), as well as the characters themselves to have interactions with one another. I like portraying two sides of a thrilling crime story such as this one. There are plenty of exciting things planned, and a lot of relationship lore is set to be unveiled gradually. I hope you can look forward to it!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` )❤︎

#twisted chit chat #death row undertow

[merakiui]

OMG WAIT YOU KNOW OF REVERSE:1999 TOO?! Please tell me you also see what I see with Mr. Forget Me Not. He gives off Azul vibes so much like omg. The sly cockiness and how he commands the room and just-

I would not mind joining Manus Vandictae if I got to see him more. Picture you join and get assigned as his “assistant” but your work is not the normal assistant type. Helping Mr. forget Me Not more personally ya know?

I DO!!!! :D I started playing recently and I'm so obsessed. I love the aesthetics and story and designs and characters and ost and and and AAAAAAAAA. If anyone who plays would like to add me as a friend, please feel free to do so!!! I'm fairly new, so please excuse my beginner level. orz but I would like to have friends!!!

That aside, I'm not very far into the story and so I have yet to encounter the character you named. But I looked him up online and................... WOW. I'M SO IN LOVE???????????? OBSESSED AND RABID. THE CIRCULAR GLASSES FRAMES. I LOVE THIS STYLE OF GLASSES (GloMas Azul.............). I CAN SEE THE VISION. He does have this very Azul-esque feeling to him.... this feeling of sly, smooth businessman...

And his name being Forget Me Not,,,,, flower symbolism is flashing in my mind omg!!!!! I will never forget him. He could do a lot of things to make me never forget him. 😵‍💫 AND THEN HE HAS POINTED FANGS WHEN HE SMILES?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?! AND HE'S JUST AN NPC?!?!?!?!?!? CRYING SOBBING HOWLING AT THE MOON. HE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT TO ME. HIM AND I...... WE ARE LOVERS. OTL

Helping him personally...... I need to wipe that smirk off his face and make him cry and sob and moan like a babygirl!!!!!!! I pray he has a shred of pathetic in him, but then if he's a little mean and condescending... >:) the type to choke you with his dick when he's fucking your throat raw and then coo down at you like "aww, is it too much?" type of mean!!!!!!!!

;;;;;; uwuwuwaaaa forgive my insane ramblings. Forget Me Not makes me feel as if I've just seen man for the first time and maybe this is true. I forgot a man could look this good until I met him and he reminded me. <3

#chit chat #m4pl3-l34f #being his assistant....... you are so big brain with this idea omg omg omg the power dynamic orz #as soon as i meet him in the story i am returning swiftly to rant wildly!!! this is a vow!!!