#recovering stoner

[goodbyemaryjane]

10 things I learned from 10 months of sobriety

(in no particular order)

1. Feelings can't hurt me as long as I don't do anything self destructive to make them go away. They'll pass - like clouds blowing over the sky.

2. Everything good that I thought being drunk and high helped me do - socializing at parties, making art, emotional intimacy - I'm actually better at when I'm sober.

3. Getting intoxicated was a shortcut (a maladaptive coping mechanism) to silence my self-criticism and shame.

4. It caused more problems than it solved.

5. What I really needed was to practice self compassion and let myself be vulnerable with others sober. Scary, but the rewards are great.

6. If I satisfy my loneliness by getting drunk and high, I will be too busy with my addiction to seek out real love or accept it when it comes. I feel lonely for a reason; if I just keep numbing the hunger, I'll starve.

7. I have to take all of the energy I may spend wishing for others to change for me and just change myself.

8. Withdrawals were uncomfortable but my fear of them was much worse. When I look back, I felt more joy and relief in the first few days than pain. Like swimming in the ocean: once I stopped struggling and just let the current pull me under and toss me around, trusting that eventually I would be pushed to the surface, I knew I would be alright no matter how strange and sick I felt. It was such a relief to stop fighting what I knew deep down was right and true: that I had to quit today - not tomorrow, not in a week - or I'd be using for the rest of my life.

9. Denial is a powerful and terrifying thing. Nobody is too smart to be an addict. If anything, it makes you better at coming up with excuses.

10. At some point you will be more afraid of staying the same forever than you are of changing.

#i smoked all day every day and binge drank if i still felt too sober or i couldnt get enough weed #drinking was my first problem but i got more into thc because it didnt make me feel so sick #at least at first #this blog is just more focused on weed bc i feel theres a lack of information and content about thc addiction on Tumblr #goodbye mary jane #weed addiction #addiction recovery #marijuana addiction #recovering stoner #cannabis addiction #stoner #drug addikt #clean and sober #recovering addict #alcoholism #alcohol abuse

[raspberry-pudding]

3/8/24

It's another one of those days where I tell myself I'm not going to smoke, but I have no idea how well I'll succeed. I made a short post last night, just vague posting and getting a few thoughts off my chest. But nothing deep.

I feel stupid for posting about my addiction, but at the same time it's the only way I know how to possibly find people like me. Who can become very addicted to weed. I don't have any friends to go to about it because they all smoke and are fine -- or at least, they convince me they aren't addicted and that it's impossible on weed. But what else would you call something that you crave so intensely you're scrapping the bottom of a bag or grinder to get one hit? What else would you call something that you can't control yourself from taking as soon as you wake up? What else would you call something that's meant to make you feel good, but after doing it every day, all day, for several years you get stuck in a cycle of giving in, swearing to go sober/quitting, and then turn around and continue doing it? Every. Single. Day. For the past two years I have sworn to finally quit smoking weed but I just can't get away from it. My body feels like it needs it and I'm miserable.

It doesn't even get me high anymore.

More below the cut for those interested, and so I'm not clogging timelines with a long post. My content isn't for everyone. Please scroll by if you think weed isn't addictive and if you argue with me you'll just get blocked. That's not what I need when I'm just trying to recover.

I miss the person I was before I started smoking. I was so productive and successful; I wrote and exercised everyday. My emotions were better regulated. I felt like I could do anything.

I started smoking a lot later than most people -- 24. And as much as I would like to blame my ex for the addiction, I'm more to blame for my own addiction than anyone else. It started when I was writing an essay on Emily Dickinson and the soul, and weed helped me a lot with writing this piece. At least, for awhile. Soon after, I was getting high every evening to work on the essay, but I'd get distracted and ignore my work. It just sort of spiraled after that.

There are a lot of good reasons why I want to quit. First of all, I want to be a better woman. I want to be the strong woman I used to me -- not this weepy bag who can't even stand the thought of driving myself anymore. Where did all my strength go? Where did all my independence and will go? I wanna be a better woman not only for myself, but for my fiancé. He's very supportive of me, and says that we all have our vices -- doesn't care if I continue smoking or if I quit and will support me no matter which I do. But I need to stop smoking for him, too. He deserves sober-me. He's not only the best man, but the best person I have ever met in my entire life. He deserves the sober-me much more than my ex deserved it, but he's hardly gotten to experience it. He deserves a woman who can do anything and be level-headed. Not the emotional wreck I am on weed.

I'm also already a naturally paranoid person. I don't know how to explain it other than ever since I was a kid I've been prone to extreme paranoia. I've always seen terrifying images in my head and I get concerned that they'll actually happen before my eyes, no matter how off the wall it is. Let me clarify, I never hallucinate (not even on shrooms or acid have I hallucinated), I just have an overactive imagination. Weed, obviously, intensifies this feeling. Sometimes the paranoia is crippling; I'm frozen in fear whether it's in bed or at my desk or in the living room. It can become overwhelming.

Third, I want to go back to school. It's nearing the 3 year mark since I've gotten my Master's degree and I haven't gotten any jobs with it. Granted, it's difficult to do something with my degree in my area and I'm a bitch about having to move. But I'm in a dead-end part time job now that's pushed me into wanting something more. Specifically, wanting what my original plan in life was -- get a PhD and become a professor. Focus my career on academia. It's what I'm good at, and it's what I enjoy doing. I've missed the college space so much. I've missed the research that goes into essays and the excitement I used to get while writing. If I go back for my PhD, I can't continue to be on this fucking drug. I can't do the work I need to while being constantly stoned. How do I know? Because I could barely balance the work-weed balance as I was finishing up my MA. Weed stifled my academic work so much to the point that I almost didn't graduate; if I go for a PhD I have to be sober. There's literally no other option. I have to take it seriously. I cannot do the work I need to while getting stoned every day.

I feel miserable and cranky every day, and the good mood I get from smoking only lasts for so long and then I become grumpy again. Yesterday my grumpy attitude ruined a nice evening out with my fiancé -- he says it didn't, but I feel horrible about the ordeal.

I'm ready to quit. I've been ready to quit for about a year now with no success. I think the furthest I've gotten in the past year is 2 days without weed. Since I started smoking, the further I've gone without is a whole month -- I really don't know (or remember) how I did it. I don't know how to start, or how to keep cravings away. I'm just so frustrated, I want my ambition back. I want my drive and energy back. I want to be even better than I was before. But I can't with this drug holding me down and making me completely numb and lazy.

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do when the cravings start to hit within another hour or so. I guess the good thing is that I'm all out of weed right now, and while I could go get more it would involve going to the bank to get out cash. Hoping that prevents me from giving in today.

Maybe I'll just write on here when the cravings hit. Just write about how I'm feeling until it goes away. I really don't know. I'm just going insane with this kind of lifestyle and I can't do this anymore. I have to become sober again. The good thing is, leading up to this point, I have decreased how much I've smoked. I went from 3 joints a day to 1 joint a day recently. Quitting cold turkey scares me, but I guess I'm about to attempt it, because I really don't wanna drop $100 on something I wanna quit doing.

Again, let me know anything that's helped any of you quit if you're out there and reading. I would greatly appreciate the advice.

Iris🪻

#recovery #recovering stoner #weed recovery #tw addiction #weed addiction #substance abuse #self help #sobriety #diary

[rantyraven]

hey tumblr 

this is a little weird for me. but I feel like documenting my emotions and my trials and errors with this issue will help motivate me to actually making progress on it. for about a year and a half now I've been struggling incredibly hard with a weed addiction that I'm struggling to find a support system for. most of my closest friends not only smoke it daily as well, but are firm believers in the “it’s impossible to get addicted to weed” motto. based on their attitudes and actions tho, they’re just not self aware. looking thru tags on here have made me feel less alone and more validated that there is something wrong with me -- that there’s a reason I feel like I'm struggling so bad.

I hate who I am with weed. I feel so entirely useless and unmotivated to do anything. I miss the old me, the me that didn’t know the meaning of procrastination, who exercised daily, who actually completed projects, who actively practiced writing. I can feel my brain rotting away and I hate myself for letting this happen. 

I know this will be a long rant post and I don’t wanna clog any timelines so ---------vvv

my experience with weed didn’t begin until I was 24 when my partner brought stuff home from a dispensary out of state. back then it was fun and something I only did once in awhile. I remember how I couldn’t imagine how anyone could enjoy participating daily -- it was too much for me and I often felt hungover the next day. then I abused it during my final semester of graduate school -- the excuse was I needed to smoke to help my artistic expression. but soon I wasn’t working on my creative projects on weed anymore. I was entertaining manic episodes and busy being emotional and paranoid. the longer I smoke the more I feel like a rotting fat corpse. every day I'm desperate to stop but I still choke down 3-4 joints and maybe a bowl or two. I get anxious early in the day to smoke if there’s nothing else to distract me, or if I feel too lazy to do anything. but, the moment I smoke I feel the strength to stop and feel the shame of already fucking up before I could start. it’s so ridiculous that I only feel the motivation to completely quit weed only after just having smoked. 

god I'm so desperate to quit. I want my old life back. I want the old me. I want to live a normal life again and feel the ambition and drive and passion that I used to feel over the project ideas I have. I have so much potential to be successful and I feel crippled by this fucking drug. I hate that I can’t even confide in my friends without them interpreting my journey as some kind of better-than-thou bullshit. 

I want to quit so badly but I don’t know where to start. I've never even smoked cigarettes before so I have no experience quitting a substance that has such a grip on your life. 

I would love to receive some advice or support. maybe anyone else on here who’s in the boat with me, who also wants to work on their sobriety. I've tried and retried on my own over and over and always fail. if anything, I hope using this as a vent space for my frustrations as a quit, or if I fail again. what are some of the best ways to help distract from the craving to smoke?

#marijuana #majrijuana addiction #weed addiction #asking for advice #psychosis #recovering stoner #quitting weed #quitting smoking #self help #sobriety #substance abuse #recovery #advice

[stomedmotherhood]

If you used to be a heavy drinker & now you just smoke weed! YOURE DOING GREAT

if you used to smoke weed 24/7 and don’t now, but you just have a few beer or drinks every blue moon, YOURE DOING GREAT

if you were a pill head and now on methadone or subs, YOURE DOING GREAT

if you were a down head or a meth head and now you just smoke weed to cope with the side effects those drugs put on ur body for the rest of your life, YOURE DOING GREAT.

If you went cold turkey on everything all at once and never put a single substance in to your body after that, I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!

We are all just doing the best we fucking can!

don’t ever let someone tell your recovery journey isn’t “considered” recovery!

You got this and I am so so proud of you 💕

#autism #stoner mom #girls who smoke weed #sober life #sober living #12 steps #recovery #we do recover #sobriety #you got this #boys who smoke #boys who do drugs #girls who like girls #girls who do pills #xanax pills #happy pills

[mokolat]

“So, if you ever see your other self-”

#Why searching after alternative self when there is younger version ready for the fest? #TUA season3 trailer makes me do this #Again #Klaus Hargreeves #The Umbrella Academy #Fun fact : I lost internet two week ago #And I just recovered it! #I feel like I miss many thinks about TUA #And I have the fear that someone draw or make the same Klaunes joke #Tell me nobody think about the Klaunes jokes... #Stoner Boy #The Prophet #Cowboy Klaus #The Klaunes

[thatpinkkwitch]

4 years clean on sunday…. i’ll never stop thinking that i just wish i could give 16 year old me a hug 🥺

#lexi talks #personal blog #stoner witch #southern witch #pagan witch #witchcraft #we do recover #addiction recovery #tw addiction #paganblr

[trippy-lil-hippie]

Really just looking to chat... anyone?

#singlemom #face tattoos #stoner chick #effyourbeautystandards #alt #glasses #woman #real #we do recover #sober

[musicalchaos07]

Ok but imagine if the reason Argyle doesn't have a last name is because he's actually a government agent who's supposed to be keeping tabs on the Byers

#it explains how the government got to the house first 👀 #I'm joking #but like imagine the betrayal #like our loveable stoner is actually a government baddie #it's giving 21 jump street #OMG jargyle 21 jump street #ANYWAYS #if this is true Jonathan will never recover #stranger things #argyle #argyle stranger things #argyle st4 #jonathan byers #byers family #Cali Crew

[worldchampionpeccobagnaia]

casey stoner and pecco bagnaia ahead of the australian gp

#the scream i scrumpt #the SCREAM i scrumpy #was not ready to see this bring and early (11.30) on a Thursday morning #think i maybe need to sob and kill myself to recover #MY TWO SPECIAL BOYS 😭😭😭😭😭😭🥺 #pecco bagnaia #casey stoner #besties 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 glowing 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 #motogp

[elftwink]

kind of think i might have some form of long covid but it’s a little hard to tell given i did spend the 2 years prior to catching it having brain fog and fatigue due to being in the worst mental state of my life, owing to. you know. it all.

#good idea generator #i feel like im doing better mentally. than i was. hardly a high bar to clear but whatever #but i still feel physically. ugh im always tired and my memory is shot to hell #but also i do have adhd that i frequently dont medicate by accident #and also i did become a stoner over the pandemic which certainly isnt helping the memory thing. or general mental clarity #and i could also have burnout #who knows. all i know is every day i wake up and i wish i could sleep for like six years #just like. life pause. things need to stop happening #AND NOT IN THE WAY THEY STOPPED HAPPENING IN 2020!! no monkey's paw funny business #just so i can like. recover. #i feel so frustrated also because everyone else seems to be just like. picking back up. #LIKE. arent you all tired. arent we all tired. can we agree this is exhausting. PLEASEEEEE #i need to go to bed. don't you all need to go to bed

[goodbyemaryjane]

I just had a long conversation with someone who feels now like I did more than a year ago -- that she's sick and tired of feeling terrible and smoking to feel normal, but she's scared to quit. I fully recommended it and gave my best advice, and she said it helped - that she wants to quit now! One of the best things about recovering from an addiction like that is being able to be that person who gets it, being someone who understands what another addict is going through when they need it the most. I'm so grateful that I haven't relapsed, and I'll do my best to make sure I never do.

#goodbye mary jane #addiction recovery #marijuana addiction #cannabis addiction #recovering stoner #recovering addict #weed addiction

[raspberry-pudding]

4/8/2024

It's been awhile since I've made a post and I think I'd like to before I have to go into work today. It's only a 5 hour shift, so it'll be over in no time, but damn -- only 5 hours? Why even be there at that point?

I've recently put my foot down about the days I'm available at work, so I finally have a consistent weekly schedule that doesn't change much. The times might change, but I'm now only available three days a week, giving me four days a week to work on my projects. I'm really excited to have a routine come back into my life. There are so many things I've put to the side this year for work, and all of them are technically much more important than this job. Ugh, I just, can't wait to have a consistent schedule, even if the times might be different every week at least it's always the same days.

Let's talk about how my weed addiction is going below the cut.

I think the last time I posted, I talked about a friend I've made who is much deeper in the addiction than I am and how that's made me feel like I'm not really an addict. I think now, even though my problem isn't as extreme as others, I do still struggle with a problem that I need to cut out of my life. I might not be smoking the entire day, or doing high doses of THC like with a dab, but I notice that it's still impacting my life and keeping me from doing things that I want to do. It's like I come home from work, I smoke, and I just zone out on TikTok the entire evening. It's been a big problem, especially because I'm getting more and more bored in the evenings.

Another reason I really need to cut it out is my tendencies to snack more on weed. Especially the indica I'm using to help me sleep now -- I have to smoke it when I'm in bed. If I don't, and I just casually smoke it in the evening while at my desk or in the living room then I will eat anything in sight. To the point that my stomach still hurts the next day. It's bad.

Thankfully, I got a hybrid that doesn't make me hungry. Still, the dispensary isn't always going to have the non-munchie stuff in stock all the time.

I can't remember if it was Wednesday or Friday now that I was watching hotdiggedydemon, or Max G, stream and he was discussing his own problems with weed in the past. Also, how he's off it now, has never felt better, and agrees that it is an addictive substance. If anything, his talk about weed made me feel really validated that what I should be doing is the right choice.

Recently, I did have an evening where I smoked three joints -- three! But it was a one off thing because otherwise I've been good to only smoke one or two joints a day. My problem now though is that the first joint usually happens around 9 or 10 AM. I think that's way too early, but on my days off I struggle to restrict myself because it's so nice to smoke then clean the house. I do need to stop, though. I can't get high that early and expect to succeed at all the other things I want to do.

I'd like to start quitting by waiting to smoke around 4 or 5 PM and going back to one joint a day to ween myself off. I know my last plan didn't go well lol, when I said I was going to keep my weed in the basement. Maybe that could still be in the cards if I need it. So far, yesterday I got off work at 2 and did well to wait until after 4 to smoke. I think it's going to be my days off where I'll struggle the most.

In my head, I always see myself meditating to get past any cravings for weed I might have. But thinking about actually doing that makes me cringe a little. It's a little woo-woo, or hippy dippy. But maybe it's something that could help me. I don't really know though.

It's hard. I feel like I know so clearly the things I need to do to quit and get back the lifestyle I want, yet taking action feels impossible. And there's no reason for it to feel impossible.

It's a Monday, and I feel hopeful for myself that this is gonna be the week. But how many times have I told myself that for the past 2 years? At some point, it has to be true though.

Iris🪻

#recovering stoner #recovery #diary #self help #tw substance abuse #tw addiction #weed addiction #marijuana addiction #sobriety

[rantyraven]

Day 1 with no weed

This past hour has been the roughest for me all day because I usually light my first joint around 5pm. I’ve been feeling shaky, trembling I guess. My head hurts. I feel antsy and anxious and have almost given up but I’m really trying to push thru. I want my old self and psyche back so terribly. But fuck the first day is agonizing.

It doesn’t help that this blog is the only kind of tension relief I can get. I need to actually talk to someone I trust, or at least just talk out loud. I don’t know. An hour ago I reached out to a friend for support on my situation. I told her how I was feeling and how I might fail again and how desperate I was to get better. Only to receive a response that had nothing to do with my initial text.

I feel so fucking angry about it. I don’t have many people who don’t smoke weed that I can turn to for support, for help getting through this. Because if I text my weed friends all I’ll hear is how they just don’t think marijuana can be addictive. I’m angry because why is it that people wanna preach for helping substance abusers and addicts only to turn around and leave loved ones on read when they fucking need help? Why won’t anyone I love listen to me and take my problems seriously? And why? Because I’m not on meth or crack?? Because there’s this big notion weed can’t harm someone’s life? Weed has fucked up all the ambition and life I was held.

What’s fucked up is that I don’t even know if what I just wrote makes any sense. My brain has become so rotted and dead from weed abuse that I have no idea if I’m conveying my thoughts properly. I don’t know if I’m communicating well.

I’m just angry, I feel so incredibly fucking angry right now and I swear to you I will remember every person in my life who is deciding not to be there for me right now

I will become the highest version of my fucking self and leave everyone else behind

#recovering stoner #recovery #self help #weed addiction #sobriety #substance abuse

[dappermola]

i would not have walked inside! in my underwear! if i knew there was a guest inside my apartment!!!!!

#stoner failgirl in only a robe is NOT FOR YOU #error logs #now i need to go Back outside to get high again to recover

[irlromanroy]

Guys if I smoke weed with bad bronchitis will my lungs shrivel?

#I usually do anyway but this is rly BAD and I’m just recovering so unsure #been doing edibles but it’s sooo intense and is upping my tolerance #stoners help 😭

[thatpinkkwitch]

4 years clean yesterday AND taylor announced a new album??? insane

#lexi talks #personal blog #stoner witch #southern witch #pagan witch #witchcraft #paganism #paganblr #queer pagans #pagan #addiction recovery #recovery #growth #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #tortured poets department #ts11 #we do recover #tw addiction