#shitty friends

[arcalx]

♤ No, because you're not the one who was there when I had my first panic attack.

No, because you're not the one who was there when I was dealing my my ED.

No, because you're not the one was there when I was praying to a God I didn't believe in to "please fix my family. Make us happy so then they would love me" or when it changed to "why?"

No, because you're not the one who was there when I was staying up night after night, crying my eyes out until I completely shut down and went numb.

No, because you're not the one who was there when I had to suppressed parts of me to be better liked

No, because you're not the one who was there when multiple times I could have ended it all and almost did.

No, because you're not the one who was there to help me mourn.

No, because you're not the one who was there when everything fell apart.

No, because you're not the one who was ever there for me.

I was. Me.

You weren't there for anything. You didn't even know. No one knows what I've held myself together through and I'm still trying to figure out what I did it for. Because it sure as hell wasn't for you.

#calxvent #trauma #mental illness #mental problems #autism #actually autistic #shitty family #shitty friends #shitty parents #shitty life #family issues #parental issues #neglect #abandonment issues #mommy issues #daddy issues #avoidant attachment #emotionally unavailable #i feel unwell #i feel like shit #i feel unworthy #i feel unlovable #i feel unsafe

[aliceosemansolos]

I think tumblr is the best social media platform because none of my friends have it so i can expresse myself

#friendship #tumblr on top #tumblr is the best #self expression #shitty friends #idk what else to tag #idk how to tag this #aliceosemansolos

[captain-kraken]

I've been trying a new thing where every time I insult something about my appearance, I keep asking "why" like a kid until I realise why I hate it.

Funnily enough, turns out every single time, my reasoning has led to "because someone else has made me think that".

#why do i hate my nose? #society #why do i hate my belly? #parents #why do i hate my lips? #society again #why do i hate my scar? #shitty friends #it just goes on and on #nothing i dislike about myself is because i dont actually dislike it

[adharastarlight]

vent ig?

tw self harm

so my oldest friend is here and she told me she was really disappointed in me because when she asked I told her I'd only (only was her lovely addition) been clean about a month and that she'd "tried being nice, but now [she's] telling it like it is" and now shes yk telling me stuff like "it doesnt help" and "in the future you'll be so mad at youreelf for it" and that i need to just stop because it isnt "cute or quirky"

and idk i feel nauseous now lmao

she asked unprompted btw and she keeps talking about how i need to just "get right" and shit

oh also also??? she asked why i did it and i said i didnt remember bc i literally blacked out all of the past two months or so and she said "thats not good! dont do that!"

GIRL I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD FUCKING HELL I CANT HELP IT

am i being dramatic or like is this shitty? im so numb to crap im fully not sure

#idk am i making sense #am i being dramatic? #tw self harm #tw bad coping mechanisms #self h@rm #vent post #tw vent #shitty friends #idk what to tag bc im just venting #but i wanna tag so the filter system can stop someone getting triggered #anywayssss #mental unhealth

[moonypdfootprongsimp]

When life is shit, fanfics for the fix

#fics #life #i’m fucking tired #shitty friends #im done #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #quotes #marauders #wolfstar #marauders era #jegulus

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

so we all know how i hate myself (im cool, im trying my best, i just have shit mental health) and like theres that one person who asked what my deadname is almost 2 months ago now right. so he was one of the four people ever i shared my tumblr with. (functionally no one now) uh so i decided to go thru *every single post* he *ever* posted and i realise how fucking uncomfortable i was with what he said. even then. adn i never said anything abt it. ok so lets go thru some of the stuff hes posted abt me bc i think its worth while.

(random post, not even related to how people look) he reblogged "your so beautiful <3" SIR YOU DON'T JUST DO THAT or at least to me

(post appreciating WOMEN i rebloged) he rb saying "i love my man <3" which one im not a woman why would u say that there? also two thats weird??? huh???? pretty sure i wasnt even feeling like a dude when he posted that lmao

classic: him saying hes my future. LMAO NO BBG YOU SAID THAT EXACTLY A MONTH BEFORE SHOWING HOW BIGGOTED YOU ARE

all the posts very clearly crushing over me. like. it was so obvious.

HIS LAST POST IS TAGGED YANDRE. THATS NOT OK. at least to me. thats really fucked up.

OMG THE HOODIE POST. ok so he posted saying (this is copy and pasted): "Me and him aren't dating but I want him to keep my hoodie in case it's cold or I js want him to wear it to match with his cute Lil face ❤️♥️" *insert my horrified face with my hand over my mouth* no. sir. no.

ok not a post but the fact within 3 weeks he had: gotten over a whole crush, gotten another crush, and got a whole gf???? idk maybe im violently arospec but thats weird as shit. can i have some alloromantics tell me its weird.

again not a post but my friends now ex asked him his opinion on gay people (i was violently queer around him) and he legit said "i only have a problem with *some* gay people" SIR. THE ALLYSHIP LEFT AS SOON AS YOU HAD FALLING OUT WITH A QUEER PERSON

moral of the story: he was always fucked up and i should have listened to myself and my friends.

so. would it be funny to tag him in this/comment on his shit with my reactions. someone talk me out of this. it would be funny right. right. right. like come on. hes not gonna talk to me irl. hes scared of me. ill death stare at him if he comes close to me. come on. id never be alone near him. it would be funny right. right. come on. guys.

#trans #woah a real text post #shitty friends #queer #a bit of homophobia in this one #shitty people

[halbarryislife]

You ever just realize your friends don’t care about you as much as you care for them and over the following months you spiral more into a loneliness contemplating whether or not just to cut them off completely. And they slowly start not doing activities with you and you are just left alone with your thoughts. And you start relating more and more to outcast characters who’s friends abandon them. But you still have one friend who loves you deeply but shes at an internship all week and you don’t want to bother her on her days off. And all your other friends don’t talk to you unless you initiate the conversation. And even when they answer they don’t try very hard.

#alex rambles #shitty friends #lonileness

[wolfmoonmusic]

Life Update

I know people don’t read my personal posts and that’s fine, I just need to rant. 

Gods, where do I start?

Warning btw, this is highly triggering. Please take care of yourself first, don’t read if you think you might not be able to handle it.

My life is changing drastically and the things I am doing right now are more important than ever and it’s so super stressful.

My birthday is coming up on the 23rd and as usual, my dad doesn’t want me to celebrate. He says celebrating birthdays is stupid and materialistic and I hate it because I love it. For someone who has sever depression, I know how important is for me to cherish another a year I’ve successfully lived on Earth. 

I’ve let go of so many things for my dad but this is one thing I just can’t.

Also my recent discovery of Astro and Moonbin still hurts.

I didn’t even know him and I love him so much but he’s gone.

The way he managed to keep everything buried is inspiring. I know it’s wrong because you have to talk to people or else things won’t get better, but I can’t talk to people. I’m not the kind of person to share that level of trust.

My mind keeps saying “Moon Bin did it right” and “You can meet him if you just do it” and the way I’ve been struggling for the past 2 weeks with work and lack of emotional support from people, it’s hard to ward off those thoughts. 

On top of all this I think I might be bi and the girl I like, knows this. She thinks she might be bi too but the problem is that I’m not sure and I don’t want to get into anything right now. 

My life is too stacked up.

I don’t have time to even think, and I’m thankful because if I did, then I’m sure it wouldn’t take me long to do something to stop thinking forever.

I’ve been overcome by this dire need for academic validation because that’s the only thing I get praise from people about and it’s the only thing I know how to do. Or atleast I knew how to do before things got bad and I’m trying to pick it up again. It feels like I’m nothing without it. I’ve started hanging with friends less too, but in all honesty I doubt they were even my friends and I only ever wonder if they’d feel anything if I left. For my family it’d just be one less burden.

Basically, my mental health has been shit. I had a small bout of motivation to finish Misunderstandings so I did, but I don’t think I’ll be back to regular posting for a while.

Everything hurts and I watch videos of Astro and Moon Bin to comfort myself and then moments late realize that this angel doesn’t exist anymore. I’m grieving like I knew him in real life, it’s really weird.

I wake up everyday with the same heavy feeling in my chest and wish for things to change or for it all to just go the fuck away. But it won’t.

Depression isn’t always laying in bed with no energy to do anything. It’s also fake smiles, and trying to do everything perfectly so that no one notices because if they do the reaction will be bad and will only make things worse.

I hate this. 

I hate it all.

#ananya talks #astro moonbin #moonbin #tw depressing thoughts #depression #tw shitty parents #shitty friends

[mazzystar24]

Do I have POC following me cos I just wanna rant about something

I feel like one thing that’s like a universal POC experience is that feeling of almost like I don’t wanna say betrayal but like yeah when you realise your friends with someone who’s just fine with racist people

It’s kinda ranges from like an instant oh okay that was kinda fucked up bro idk how I feel about you rn to just absolute shaking with anger RAGE

This has happened so many times to me and to so many of my not white friends who will be friends with or in instances even dating someone white who will have a friend(s) who says racist stuff and then there is always that excuse of like oh I can’t cut them off or oh I didn’t know and it just doesn’t get bought up again UNTIL that same friend(s) says something or does something that bothers the white person in which case cutting them off is a swift and expected thing

#and that white person is always the most superficially outspoken about political correctness and shit #they’re the mf with a chest full of blm and gay rights badges #poc experiences #shitty friends #racism #poc

[an4failure]

when you know your friends are taking shit about you

#talking shit #great friends #shitty friends #bad friend #i hate me too #triggering af #i hate myself #i'm sad #no one cares #depressing shit #ugh ffs #i hate my existence #i hate my liiiiife #i should just die #what’s the point

[shinigamisonlyeatapples]

Do people know how it feels to be ignored? I'm being ignored in group chats, maybe because I don't say interesting things or people don't share my kind of humour. That's okay. But old friends in private chats ignore me. My best friend leaves me on read for several days or only answers what she wants to, ignoring everything else. Like I'm not a person. Do I make people feel that way? Why do they feel the need to treat my like that? A vicious voice inside me sais "They'll be sorry when you're gone" but tbh that's not fair either. I just want someone to honestly like me.

#depressing shit #shitty friends

[aliceosemansolos]

i only have one real friend. i have four ones that can be very fake. One doesn't defend my name but laugh and agree. One leaves me for other people and says i am the second option and i always will be. One decides when we are friends and when we arent. One only uses me as a therapist. But he never not ever doesnt defend me. Every room he defends my name. He is always with me and includes me all the time. He is always my friend and does not switch up. He does not use me as a therapist. He talks about deep topics and asks me before we talk about anything. He does not force me to listen.

#shitty friends #boy best friend #friendship #best friends #lunchbox friends #fake friends #i hate my friends #i love him so dearly #i love him so bad #i love him so much #i love him #he loves me #he loves me so much #aliceosemansolos #i dont like people #i hate people #i hate people so much #i hate people sometimes #i strongly dislike people

[coraalineee]

Fuck everyone who ever did me wrong

ALL I EVER DID WAS FUCKING HELP YOU

#friends #family #toxic people #limits #gaslighters #toxic traits #toxic family #toxic behavior #toxic #mental breakdown #shitty friends #shitty people #manipulators #thoughts

[allthehumanflaws]

Friends aren't supposed to leave...

#friends #shitty friends #spilled thoughts #sad #heartbroken

[bleeding-minds]

i didn’t want to rant on here anymore but i really have no one or no one else to talk to about this right now without feeling like a bother but shitty friends are the absolute worst. i may not have been the bestest friend and can admit when i am wrong; but continuing to play the victim, giving half-assed apologies, being consistently unsupportive then turning around on me for not wanting to “check up on you” is actually crazy to me. I already had confronted her once and tried to keep it a civil conversation and she instantly turned it into being defensive. so i stopped trying to talk to her and now im the bad friend? I really did care about her but her opening her statement instantly saying how i don’t care about her and her family and how i was never there for her and how supposedly she tried so hard to be my friend after talking behind my back to our mutual friends, making jokes, giving me half-assed apologies, running away from communication, and telling me to just get over how i am feeling totally is “trying so hard”. I am so sick and tired of people trying to manipulate themselves into being the victim. i never tried to make myself into a victim to her. i tired to fix situations, ask for and give apologies without being defensive but i am over it. i still wish her the best but quite frankly i have absolutely no time for manipulation tactics from someone who never can admit where they’re wrong.

#manipulation #manipulative #shitty friends #bad friends #need advice #sorry for the rant #rant post #friends suck #people suck #people are disgusting #people are disappointing

[bp-demonz]

Hella missing the days when I was down in the pits and had no boundaries 🤙🏻

Sure, my back was a doormat for the majority of the time

But God damn it I miss the good times shared...

#at least i had hella friends back then #lost a lot of em due to boundaries #gaslightingawareness #trauma survivor #shitty friends #cptsd struggles #boundaries are hard #boundaries are important #trying to be better #ambiguous grief #mourning who they could've been #the old me