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sugisyakult · 10 months

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A Date With Shinsuke

A/N: this is my very first fic, so please go easy on me! thank you to @lilac-5ky for helping me with some ideas and for giving me your honest opinion! i don't really have anything else to say except the lack of shinsuke fics is criminal!!

The warm air floating in through the window let you know it was a spring morning and you woke up to the lapping of the waves against the Kiheitai ship. You knew you were in Edo, for one reason or another. Probably so the infamous Takasugi Shinsuke could have a meeting with some high ranking official about supporting your cause. The Takasugi Shinsuke just so also happened to be your boyfriend. Although, what he meant to you could never fit that word.

You wish the man would take a break from his hellbent ideas on revenge and just take a relaxing day to do something fun.

When you awoke you already knew Shinsuke would be gone. He was always gone in the mornings because he was such an early riser, instilled in him from his Shoka Sonjuku days. You were the only one who he entrusted his past to and how he felt about his late mentor, Yoshida Shouyou.

You slowly made your way out of bed to get ready and find Shinsuke. He was probably still in a meeting with the other Kiheitai members, so there was no rush. You put on your favorite kimono that he bought you for your first birthday spent together. It was red with golden cherry blossoms cascading down it. Shinsuke always told you that you looked good in red and he would never admit it to anyone else, but when you wore the color it drove him wild. You pinned half of your hair back with a hairpin that he also bought for you and put your black boots on.

Making your way out into the main hall of the ship, you ran into Bansai leaving the meeting.

“Hey Bansai, where’s Shinsuke?”

“Looking over some papers, I daresay.”

“Of course he is. Thanks!”

Bansai waved you off as you made your way to Shinsuke’s room.

You opened the door and immediately made your way over to where he was sitting at his desk. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you whispered in his ear, “There’s my hard worker.”

Shinsuke was used to your little antics so he just rolled his eyes, a little smile creeping onto his face.

“There’s my lovely, yet bothersome Y/N.”

“Hey! I’m not bothersome, you just work too much.” You retorted back at him.

He just hummed in return, not once looking up from his papers. Although, maybe it was better that way because then he wouldn’t see the look on your face currently. Shinsuke always told you, you had this certain look on your face when you were getting ready to ask a question, but were ultimately scared to.

You needed a little bit of time to steel yourself before asking him if he wanted to attend Hanami that night — celebrating the beginning of the cherry tree season below a sky of vivid pink; who wouldn’t want that? But looking at the man in front of you, you already had your answer. You very well couldn’t ask Shinsuke if he was looking right at you, so it was better this way.

“Soooo.. I was thinking…”

“Lets see, you’re wearing your favorite kimono that I bought you for your birthday and it has cherry blossoms on it. It also happens to be the start of spring, which also happens to be the time when the cherry blossom trees are in bloom. I’m assuming this is your way of asking me if we can attend Hanami?”

Damn, Shinsuke knew you way too well for your liking sometimes.

Before he could start spouting off the many reasons as to why he couldn’t go or shouldn’t go, you cut him off.

“I know, I know. What if the people see you? What if the Shinsengumi find you? I get it, I do. But, I want you to have fun and take a break! We never go out anymore and I miss that. We’ll be careful. Please.”

Shinsuke heaves out a sigh and turns around in his chair to face you, your puppy dog eyes and pouted lip at the ready. As soon as he took you in, he let out a little laugh.

“I hate how you think giving me that look will work every time, but..” He drags his hands down his face in exhaustion.

“Buuuuut?”

“But it does.”

“So.. we’re going then?” Hope sparkles in your eyes as you sit down beside him on the floor, head resting comfortably on his lap.

With a smirk on his face and his green eye boring into you from above, “I guess I don’t have a choice.”

The cool night air of the spring season bats against your bare legs as you walk along the streets of Edo, with Shinsuke following close beside you. He donned a sedge hat and a plain haori over his otherwise noticeable yukata. The streets are aligned with multiple vendors selling their wares, string lights hung, and of course the cherry blossoms in full bloom. Groups of people shuffle by the two of you as you make your way smoothly through the bustle. Each vendor pulls you in with something that you find interesting. The many smells of different foods floods your senses as you go from vendor to vendor.

Shinsuke stops beside you at a vendor, his breath fanning against your neck as he whispers, “You had to pick the most popular Hanami spot, didn’t you?”

“It was close by, and that way, if we need to make a run for it, we’re not far from the ship.”

He sighs in agitation as someone accidentally bumps into him. You can clearly see his annoyance and let out a little giggle.

“Shinsuke… its fine, I promise. Just take a deep breath and try to enjoy yourself.”

“Enjoy myself? I am a wanted terrorist, you know?”

You turn away from him with a small smile on your face to receive the food and drinks that you ordered for the two of you. Struggling to hold both of your items, he gives in and helps you carry them. Walking side by side again you make your way through the crowd to find a spot to sit underneath the cherry blossoms. You find a secluded spot away from most of the other people and sit down underneath the shade.

Shinsuke stops a few feet away from you, “I’ll be right back.”

You look up at him with worry and curiousness in your eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“I just remembered something that I forgot about.”

You side eye him as he starts to make the trek back to the vendors. What could he possibly be doing? He wouldn’t just leave you here by yourself to enjoy the cherry blossoms because he is afraid of getting caught, would he? Of course he wouldn’t and you knew better than that! Shinsuke is not the type to do that and he always longs to be by your side, the way you always long to be beside his. So what exactly was he doing? All you could do was wait for him to come back.

The food you bought for yourself is nothing but trash now. Fireflies lazily flit around your vision as you stare aimlessly into the distance still waiting for Shinsuke to make his return. Its only been fifteen minutes at most, but it feels like an eternity. Your hazy vision slips over couples sharing loving whispers and soft smiles. Being alone makes your mind start to wander and you start to think about what it would be like if Shinsuke wasn’t a wanted terrorist. What it would be like if you two were just another normal couple able to bask in the daylight without potentially getting thrown in jail. Without having to hide in back alleys and making runs for it.

Your ears perk up at one of the sickeningly loving couples making their loud laughter known. You start to think about the very first time you’ve ever heard Shinsuke genuinely laugh like that and softly smile. The way his right eye squeezed shut, crinkles forming in the crease, his pure white teeth showing, cheeks flushed with a bright shade of pink. Your earlier thought of being a normal couple fades when you realize that you don’t want or need anyone but Shinsuke. That’s enough for you. He’s enough for you. You wouldn’t trade all of the close calls that you’ve faced together for anything in the world.

Light footsteps are picked up by your hearing and you know its Shinsuke. A warm, loving smile stretches your lips wide as you know his every move, every sound.

“Welcome back.”

A faint blush is detectable and he grows somewhat shy.

“Sorry I took so long, I didn’t anticipate it.”

Sitting down gently beside you, its obvious that he is hiding something behind his back. He takes a quick sip of the sake thats sitting precariously on the ground. Face still flushed he pushes a small black box towards you, “Here.”

“W-what’s this?” Eyes widening in semi shock, you poise your fingers to take the top off.

The lid being fully removed, you find whatever is in the box is carefully protected inside of pretty pink tissue paper. Cherry blossom pink. Fingers move nimbly to reach the contents hidden inside. Out of the corner of your eye, Shinsuke eyes you albeit anxiously. The soft pads of your fingers reach a beautifully crafted kanzashi and you let out a soft gasp. The color is a light red, bordering on pink. Gently removing it from the box and holding it delicately in your hands, you realize there is a string of cherry blossoms hanging from a golden pin. There are golden accents throughout the kanzashi, from the pin down to the string that holds the cherry blossom flowers together. You can’t stop staring at the absolutely exquisite gift in your hands. Looking over at Shinsuke in awe and wonder, you try to speak a coherent sentence.

“Sh-Shinsuke… this is so beautiful! What.. why…?”

You’re so flustered and touched by the gift that droplets of water form in the corners of your eyes.

Shinsuke scoots closer and gently leans into you, a loving smile on his soft lips.

“I wanted you to remember this night. I wanted to get you something that you’d have to cherish from this night forever.”

Your eyes shoot up to look into his green orb, “Oh…you didn’t.. you didn’t have to, really.”

He shrugs in amusement, “I wanted to.” He tries to hide the soft shade of pink that starts to grace his cheeks as he looks away from you, taking the kanzashi out of your hands and whispers, “turn around.” You do as you’re told, turning around with a smile as you feel Shinsuke’s fingers nimbly fix the kanzashi in your hair. Taking your face gently in his hands and putting a finger under your chin to tilt your head up to look at him, he smiles.

“Beautiful…”

The chill spring air of the night helps cool your heated cheeks down. Hands fumbling for his own, you move closer to him and he places a piece of your hair behind your ear.

You gather yourself and take a deep sigh, “I truly don’t know what to say.. I love it!”

Shinsuke continues to gently play with your hair while staring into your eyes.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Shinsuke has almost never been one for public displays of affection, so you’re a bit taken aback when he passionately kisses you in front of the people gathered near you. You doubt they’re paying much attention, but your cheeks flame up just the same; the way his soft lips caress yours, your tongues dancing together. You can hear his breathing get heavier as he places his hand on your cheek to pull you in closer.

Breaking away, having a goofy smile on your face, “You kissed me..”

Shinsuke rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Yes.”

“In public!”

“Don’t go making a big deal out of it because its not going to be an all the time thing.”

You fling your arms around his neck as you give him a warm embrace. Placing your lips beside his ear you whisper softly, “Its okay, I like keeping our intimate moments between the two of us, anyway… it makes them more special.” You place a quick peck on his cheek before leaning back to look at him.

“I love you.”

Shinsuke doesn’t return it but you don’t need to hear him say it to know he feels the same about you. His actions make that clear enough as he smiles at you and pulls you into his side. His arms snake around your waist as he rests his chin gently atop your head.

“Happy Hanami..” Shinsuke whispers just loud enough for you to hear him as you both watch the cherry blossoms fall and welcome in spring and it’s new beginnings.

A/N: i hope you guys liked it! let me know what you think! okay, i’m a little embarrassed now so i’m dipping, bye!

credit for dividers: @benkeibear

#takasugi shinsuke imagine #takasugi shinsuke fanfiction #takasugi x reader #gintama #gintama imagine #gintama fanfiction #gintama x reader

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sakukaguxxi · 11 months

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Yakult and Tobacco | Gintama

Word count: 3.4k

C/W’s: none really except for a tiny bit of blood

Summary: a story about what happens to Takasugi and the Kiheitai after ch. 704

a/n: This is my first time writing for Gintama, and I wanted to do something like this for a while but didn’t think I was a good enough story writer. But I really felt passionate about this topic and tried my best. I was inspired by various ideas from fandom and combined with my own random ideas. I hope this isn’t too bad. Likes and reblogs are appreciated!

______

The long search hadn’t been for nothing. It wasn’t a pipe dream, it wasn't a dead end. This couldn’t be a coincidence. After investigating the dragon holes for several months, Matako finally found him.

She was overcome with tears of joy and relief as she held the reborn Takasugi in her arms. The local villagers who had gathered around upon getting word of a mysterious baby appearing in the dragon hole looked on in mild confusion. What does this baby mean to this woman? they must have thought. Was it really born from the dragon hole or just abandoned? Is it the divine wrath of Ryujin-sama?

Matako didn’t really care how this scene looked to anyone else at that moment. It was just so personal. Feeling like a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders finally, she decided she was ready to leave after she finished crying and wiped away her tears. Wherever home was, they could now return.

Matako turned to the crowd. “I will take this child,” she announced.

Nobody else was racing to volunteer, but there were a few murmurs among the crowd. Then one man pointed at the infant, shouting, “This could be an attack by the Dragon Vein God! You shouldn’t keep it!”

“I can handle this,” she responded firmly. “You don’t know the whole story, because this is actually my friend who I’ve been looking for, and now he’s been revived. It probably sounds crazy, but even if you don’t believe me, I have to do this.”

Now that she found Shinsuke, it was time to embark on the journey to regroup with Takechi. Some villagers were actually kind enough to help her by lending her some baby supplies and giving her directions, even if they didn’t fully understand the background.

……

Matako met Takechi at a small house on the outskirts of Edo that the Kiheitai had used as a hideout. It would make a decent place for someone who wanted some privacy away from the city. There was a dirt path leading to it with a hedge running along one side.

When Matako arrived at the house, Takasugi still looked like a baby. She and Takechi decided they would take care of him together. The two Kiheitai members smiled down at the infant. Takechi, normally less sentimental, was still happy Takasugi had been found. He was also proud that after being told there wasn’t the slightest chance of Takasugi being resurrected like Utsuro, their intuition had actually worked out in their favor.

“The dark purple hair is definitely the same,” Henpeita observed.

“And now he has two functioning eyes again,” Matako added. She gazed at the baby, whose eyes were open and was looking up at the two of them. “I wonder if he recognizes us yet even in this state…”

Henpeita put a hand on her shoulder. “We can’t know yet, so you shouldn’t worry right now.”

……

Takasugi had reached a new stage of growth within a couple days of arriving at the hideout, looking around preschool age now. Despite hearing what happened to the reborn Utsuro from Gintoki and knowing what altana was capable of, Matako and Henpeita were still amazed to witness Takasugi’s growth first-hand. It reminded them of Princess Kaguya. Altana truly was a powerful energy.

Henpeita went and bought more clothing for Takasugi in a couple different sizes since they didn’t know when his next growth spurt would be. As the strategist of the Kiheitai, he was trying to think ahead. He also bought Yakult, which Takasugi had gone absolutely nuts for in the past. He thought it might even help spur on his memories.

There weren’t many other people in the close-by area to worry about, but Matako felt a sense of protectiveness towards Takasugi during this sensitive time. She didn’t want people to think he was a monster if they noticed his fast growth. She was glad she’d found him when she did instead of him falling into the wrong hands. For the time being, he had to stay near the house at least.

The interesting thing about Shinsuke growing up at an accelerated rate was that he still couldn’t speak, but seemed to understand basic communication in a way. He also easily regained his ability to do certain things such as walking and using chopsticks with only a little instruction if any. He mostly followed the other two around quietly like a puppy and went with the flow of whatever they were doing. Being like a little kid, he could still get into mischief. Gintoki had mentioned that the reborn Shouyou started speaking fully when his memories were unlocked. However, Matako didn’t know if or when Takasugi would regain his memories and return to his old self.

……

On the second night since Takasugi’s new growth, Matako rolled to her side and smiled softly at him as they were about to go to sleep. They slept in the same room on their own futons since he had his first growth spurt out of babyhood. But Shinsuke was given the one regular-sized blanket in the house. Takechi hadn’t gotten around to shopping for more of those yet.

For the first time since being reborn, Shinsuke had a dream of various people crying or looking like they’re about to cry. There was the blonde-haired woman called Matako, a man with curly silvery-blue hair, and another man with long light brown hair. In the dream, Shinsuke thought, No… please don’t cry, everyone…

Shinsuke woke up again early in the morning and turned toward Matako out of curiosity and instinct. She was still asleep but looked cold and exposed from not having a decent blanket. Despite still being tired, he felt an urge to help her, so he dragged his blanket across the room and covered her. Then he laid down next to her on top of the blanket and pulled one edge over himself.

Like a lot of dreams, most of the contents of Shinsuke’s had faded from his mind within a few minutes of being awake, leaving only vague bits and pieces. The details of most of the people had become blurrier, and he wasn’t aware yet that it was based on real experience anyway.

A few hours later, Takechi stepped in the doorway to the others’ bedroom, asking, “Matako, are you awake yet?”. He had returned from a short visit to the city and was surprised to see the little Takasugi sleeping next to her on top of the blanket.

Memories of the first time Takechi officially met Matako flashed in his mind: despite the Bakufu confiscating her gun, she did whatever she could to try to save the imprisoned Jouishishi, such as threatening Takechi with a dagger to the back. More important to her than Takasugi acknowledging her or letting her join him was preventing his death, because she believed the country needed him. No doubt, being saved by him personally had also cemented her loyalty and belief that he had a good heart. Takechi had handed back her gun and told her she would do well to take revenge herself. He recalled her surprised face at the end of the battle when Shinsuke simply said, “Let’s go,” letting her know she was included.

I never thought I’d see them as roommates, Henpeita thought.

……

Later the same day, Gintoki was walking towards the Kiheitai hideout when he came upon a little boy standing on the path. Despite looking young, Gintoki could recognize that face anywhere, having grown up with him. Shinsuke stared up at him like a deer caught in headlights.

“So we meet again, huh?” Gintoki stated calmly, his eyes at half-mast.

Meanwhile, Matako was in the house, expecting Gintoki any minute. The Kiheitai had contacted all of Shinsuke’s old friends, and Gintoki was the first who was able to visit. She was suddenly alerted to a child whining, “Let me go! Put me down!” followed by a familiar male voice saying, “Excuse me.” She went into the genkan to see Gintoki holding Shinsuke under his arm

“Let me go!” Shinsuke repeated, trying to wriggle free.

“Is this your kid?” Gintoki asked sarcastically. “He made an impudent face, and I knew right away.” He finally released the boy from his hold.

As Shinsuke went forward to climb over the porch step, kicking his sandals off behind him, Matako grumbled, “...It’s obvious.” Shinsuke dashed past her into the house. “Come in,” she offered to Gintoki.

……

After setting Shinsuke up with a game on the other side of the room, Matako and Gintoki sat across from each other with their own cup of tea. Gintoki eyed him for a bit before focusing on Matako. “How has taking care of him been so far?” he asked.

“It’s been relatively good. It’s not like I have much experience taking care of babies or little kids, but this isn’t a regular situation. Takechi-senpai has also been a big help, I hate to admit…”

“When did he start talking, anyway? He still seems pretty quiet otherwise…”

Matako frowned slightly. “Just today when you showed up carrying him… He never said anything before, so I guess this is progress. I thought you meeting him could change things…”

“Well, yes, I am very influential,” Gintoki joked. “I’m not the main character of my own series for nothing.”

Matako looked downcast, so Gintoki snapped back into seriousness, waiting for her to continue. “I can’t help but compare your situation with Shouyou to ours,” she explained. “I want Shinsuke-sama to be happy no matter what happens, but deep down my hope is he’ll regain his memories and return to being the person we know and love. Am I selfish for this? Would he be better off starting a different life and forgetting Shouka Sonjuku, the Joui War, the Kiheitai, everything?” Her eyes stung with tears. “I won’t abandon him, but I can’t deny there’s still a void from losing a loved one. Not only could we not prevent it, we weren’t there for him during that time. We had no idea he was dying. I thought we were doing the right thing by giving him some space, but it didn't work out for us in the end. We shouldn’t have left him alone…”

Suddenly, Takasugi scurried up next to Matako to hold her hand. He noticed her looking and sounding like she might cry and wanted to comfort her somehow. Matako was surprised by his action, but it made her smile. “Don’t worry, I’m alright,” she reassured him, giving him a one-armed hug. He stood back for a few seconds like he wasn’t sure, then returned to his area.

Gintoki drank more tea with a pensive expression. “You don’t know this, but I actually had amnesia once from a car accident and lost my identity,” he shared. “Yeah, I became a productive member of society and didn’t remember bad memories from my past, but it wasn’t me. My friends struggled to get me back, and while it didn’t happen right away and I left them to start a new life, they still came to get me eventually. So the way you feel is natural, Matako-san. And although I can’t make any guarantees and can only go by my one experience, I’d say you shouldn’t give up… Just be honest with him.”

……

Matako saw Gintoki off at the entrance when it was time to go. “Thank you again for coming, Shiroyasha,” she said.

“No problem,” Gintoki replied. “And like I said, I’ll also see what else I can do. I’ll talk to Zura and Tatsuma about it too. So, see you guys later.”

“See ya.” That came from Shinsuke, who had come out to the front. Matako and Gintoki were still a little stunned to hear him speak again at all, but Matako did a double take because his yukata was now up to his knees. He definitely looked taller than he was even less than twenty minutes ago! Now he had an elementary school-age appearance.

Gintoki also noticed and smirked. “Take care now,” he said.

On his way down the path, Gintoki encountered Takechi coming from the opposite direction with a bag in hand.

“Were you in a hurry?” Takechi asked, stopping.

“I had some barley tea and we talked for a bit,” Gintoki replied. As he walked past Takechi, he continued, “I don’t know what’ll end up happening, but… he definitely doesn’t need diapers anymore,” and waved back.

……

Gintoki, Katsura, and Sakamoto met at a local restaurant and sat at a booth together, with Gintoki on one side and the other two across. He was catching them up on his visit to the Kiheitai from the day before.

“I admit that I was initially skeptical and didn’t think it was possible for him to be resurrected,” Katsura said. “I admit it, I was wrong.”

“Aren’t you glad things are starting to work out, though?” Sakamoto said.

“Yeah, but there’s still the issue of him getting his memories back, which the Kiheitai care a lot about,” Gintoki pointed out. “Matako-san seemed upset when I talked to her. I think we should all do our best to help in some way. Takasugi was our friend too, so we want him to get his memories back, right?”

Sakamoto turned to Katsura with a smile and said, “Well, since it’s our turn to visit now, let’s go together. We should do it soon this week.”

“Let’s bring presents,” Katsura suggested excitedly.

……

After Gintoki left the Kiheitai hideout, Takasugi didn’t try to speak the rest of that day or into the next. Matako and Takechi weren’t sure why, but hypothesized maybe his mind was still settling in and it was part of his development. They asked him at one point if he could remember his past, but he shook his head in confusion. So they tried to tell him some more about his background, and he seemed to be listening, but his reaction was calm, almost unreadable.

It wasn’t until after going to bed that more peculiar things happened once again. Takasugi had another dream where he was standing by a river at night with fireworks going off. It was a beautiful sight, and he watched in awe as different colors and even shapes soared across the sky. There were other people around him watching, including three people right in front of him. Then those three people turned around and smiled at him. There was Matako, Takechi, and a green-haired man wearing sunglasses… Bansai. By the way they were looking at him, it seemed like they were happy he was having a good time and enjoyed being with him.

The scenery changed somehow seamlessly to a man standing in front of a nondescript background. He had long, light brown hair and wore gray and beige clothing, with his arms crossed and tucked into the opposite sleeves of his haori. He was smiling and had a strong aura like a wise and kind person. He said, I’m proud of you, Shinsuke, so don’t give up.

Shouyou-sensei? Shinsuke thought as the recognition completely dawned on him.

Takasugi didn’t get to hear a response as he woke up soon after that in the morning. Not only had he grown to adult size overnight, he now finally had a realization about himself. That dream had made everything clear.

He sat up cross-legged, the blanket falling over his lap. Since he grew a lot over night, his yukata had opened up and became more like a shirt, revealing his bare torso and obviously not long enough anymore to cover his bottom half if not for the blanket.

Matako groaned slightly as she also started to wake up. She tilted her head to look at Takasugi and was met with the grown version of him staring back at her with his mouth slightly agape.

“Wha- Huh?!” Matako gasped, sitting up and pulling her blanket further over her chest out of reflex. She honestly hadn’t expected to wake up that morning and suddenly see Takasugi look basically like the person she’d known for 12 years. Out of awkwardness, she shifted her position to slightly face away from him while her eyes were still pointed his way. She trembled a little as she reached to push some hair out of her face.

Takasugi put his hand over his left eye. “Hey… It’s me,” he finally said.

In a flash, Matako went forward to kneel in front of him as he lowered his hand. She looked up right into his eyes. “You can see, can’t you?” she asked with concern.

Takasugi looked down and took in her expression fully, which conveyed intense emotion. “...Yes, I can see …” he answered. “It’s just that I only noticed now that I got it back…”

“How do you feel now?”

“I’m still trying to process everything and let the fact that this is real settle in… But I know how and why I came back and accept it. On that day, Shouyou-sensei actually told me his plan to sacrifice himself by using up all the altana in his body to cancel out the terminal’s altana. And he was distraught at the time because he didn’t think he could save me as well…” He raised one side of his mouth in a half smile. “I feel like Sensei was by my side until you came to pick me up again. And he still is here in a way…”

Takasugi took a scan around the room, then continued, “And even before I got my memories back, I’ve seen over the past couple weeks how you and Takechi have taken care of and protected me, so I’m also grateful to you. Also importantly, I’ve wanted to say I’m sorry for leaving the Kiheitai behind without a word and any hurt caused by my absence. I couldn’t tell you what was going on and I didn’t know how much longer I’d have to live or if I’d see you again at all. But thank you for not giving up on me.”

Matako felt her heart swell and couldn’t help herself, leaning forward to give him a big hug. He was momentarily stunned but formed a small smile and reciprocated. “It really was no problem,” Matako said. “You know the Kiheitai will be there for you. And we may not have had the chance to meet your master, but we can’t thank him enough for making this possible...”

……

Once Shinsuke was fully dressed and had gotten his bearings, he said to Takechi when they were outside walking, “Could you hand me your sword? There’s something I want to see…”

Takechi unsheathed his sword and handed it over without a word, his eyes fixed on Shinsuke’s face the whole time.

Shinsuke raised his left hand and carefully pricked the pad of the middle finger. There were some tiny beads of blood, but nothing else happened. After sucking the blood off his finger, he resumed, “I actually don’t think I had to do that to know I’m still mortal, but I just felt like making a point for myself.” He gave Takechi back his sword.

As Takechi put it away, he responded in an amused tone, “I figured that’s why you wanted it.”

Shinsuke chuckled. “I wanna get a new sword sometime soon, though. It doesn’t feel right not having something at my waist. And I might need it anyway if the Kiheitai has plans.”

……

Later that day, Katsura and Sakamoto came over. “Sorry it’s been a while since I last wrote,” Katsura told Matako as they stood at the genkan with him in front of Sakamoto. He held up a paper bag. “This is a gift for you, Matako-san. It’s one of those new-fangled robot vacuums.”

“Oh, wow,” Matako remarked.

Katsura stepped a little closer to her like he was giving her some topic secret advice, but said in a louder voice with his finger pointed up, “For the little one’s sake, we need to make sure we take care of dust in even the nooks and crannies…”

“It’s really nice, but why are you so loud right now? And anyway, Shinsuke-sama is already…”

“Oi,” came a baritone voice from inside, which got Sakamoto and Katsura to crane their necks around Matako. She led them forward so they could see in the doorway.

Takasugi was sitting on the floor holding a kiseru. “You guys are as loud as ever,” he said with a grin.

______

a/n: Thanks for reading! Please like and reblog!

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fknweeb · 1 year

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I started a rewrite for my other story. I would appreciate the read!

#gintama fanfiction #gintama #kamui #yato #kagura #fanfic #abuto yato #story #sakata gintoki #takasugi shinsuke #kaientai #harusame #pirates #yorozuya #ao3fic #ao3 link #shimura shinpachi #umibozu

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crytoki · 2 years

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cryverse the crack gintama au where everyone is alive!! time and space are not real, there is only existence. unfortunately takasugi oboro utsuro & shouyou all go through babyhood again

preface:

shouyou is reborn again (again!)

when the baby is forming both shouyou & utsuro exist within it. once it grows hands shouyou rips out the heart and cuts off the nasty bits and throws them away, then from the trash heap those chunks coalesce and become utsuro in a new body

shouyou gave birth to the takasugi baby in the upper realm (he reproduces asexually like a flower)

shouyou baby appears way before, takasugi baby has to take another year almost before it appears

when utsuro bubbles up into a conscious state he realizes the baby takasugi is soon going to come of the dragon gate and is like wtf i want baby so he sits there and pulls out the escenses of oboro

utsuro is psycho and wants to beat shouyou and so manages to pull an oboro baby out of there first

once shouyou find his takasugi baby he goes on vacation to the maldives and relegates the baby to gintoki & co

the plan is the baby will have the fathers gintoki zura and tatsuma

because takasugi doesnt need to be parented properly! it may not be good for the baby but think of the content, and shouyous peace. this can also be a learning experience for his students

they (gintoki & co) make a family channel on youtube and parade takasugi baby

gintoki is emotionally unstable, zura is posh with dumb wholesome energy, tatsuma has a degree, shouyou is a role model to all, utsuro and petty & hates shouyou so also wants a kid (which he achieved), oboro is a bully, takasugi is a menace to society in all ways

gintoki occupies the baby by playing soccer with him

dont forget time doesnt exist!

they all decide to make their own youtube channels for passive income

everyone lives in one big house

kagura still lives at the yorozuya but gintoki lives in the house, gintoki goes to the yorozuya during working hours and kagura comes to the house outside of working hours

oba z is still real

tatsuma was kicked to earth so mutsu could regain all the funds he lost and now he is being held hostage by gintoki and zura to help them raise the takasugi baby before he can go back

preface done

this part is all about their youtube channels because thats the only part of this au with flesh

oboros most viewed is him literally stabbing gintoki and it gets taken down and takasugi does a political video on it

zura is a beauty guru with 30mil subs

when anyone cosplays zura is in charge of makeup

(the growing) oboro has 25mil and his whole channel is 30 second clips of him beating up gintoki

oboro has a second channel where he post his workout adventures with (the growing) takasugi

takasigis yt has 25k nd all of it is like: (｡◕‿◕｡)➜ picnic with oboro, arcade with gin (＾∇＾)ﾉ♪, spitting on tatsuma ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ, zura does my makeup (*v*;)

everything takasugi makes is cute

takasugi does those really clean neatly packaged videos where it's like 'letting my family pick my fits for the week' and you're like wow this is so cute but they're so rich it could never be me

takasugi does lifestyle videos mostly but otherwise does whatever he wants

he likes to make political videos

gintoki has a baking channel

you watch one of gintokis videos because he has 5mil and its like "taksugi is UNDERRATED, go sub— [oboro walks in with vlog camera, punches him, laughs, walks out] [gintoki stand up, unfazed] oboro back at it again haha he does that sometimes, anyway lets get started"

oboro has 3 videos on his channel that are not featuring gintoki which are "my dad reacts to my yt" and no one has seen utsuro smile that much in real life

takasugis most viewed video is abt how oboros channel is abusive but then he does a collab with him right after

"but we all hate gintoki anyway"

there's a series of collabs from takasugi and oboro about the gintoki cat (seperate from the real gintoki)

first ep they find the cat injured on their daily jog

the end is them releasing it into the wild after taking care of it for a while

however there is a great contrast between the videos posted to each of their channels

its the same footage from different angles but oboros videos end up violent, everything is blurry and in motion and red.

there are 50 lens flare memes and the audio is horrific

half of the audio in oboros vids are him hyperventilating into the mic

oboros videos are like entering the gates of hell

and then there'll be random shots of shinsuke perfectly clear and not red and thats the only part that doesnt scream psychopath

it's like a still shot of shinsuke taking care of gintoki cat

and then gintoki enters the room to ask about where the cinnamon went and it all turns red and hellish again

oboro blacks out gintokis face in the video

gintoki does a video where he retitles oboros videos and they all end up "abusing gintoki [earrape]"

oboros top/pinned comments are always either takasugi commenting something nice about the video or a rando asking if oboro is okay

zura doesnt collab with anyone except elizabeth but elizabeth never shows up in the others vids so it becoems a conspiracy of where zura actually lives and takasugi ends up doing a political video on it

takasugis most viewed video ever is "how i was reformed and became a gen z ft. gin" and its just a synopsis of the gintama universe

oboros most viewed is him literally stabbing gintoki and it gets taken down and takasugi does a political video on it, but the political video isnt about oboro, its abt the yt community guidelines and oboros video is used as an example

takasugi does a house tour one day and his room is covered in pink and white and plants and hes like "so I'm actually into gardening but dad's herb and tomato farm is outside so I have a mini greenhouse in my room for mint leaves and stuff" and the top comment is from oboro and reads: loser

gintoki is the second comment and he's just like you never told me you had fresh mint and takasugi replies that he never asked

gintokis most viewed video is "strawberry cake with shinpachi" because it ends with someone breaking into shinpachis house and trying to kidnap tae and the footage is literally gintoki frosting the cake then shinpachi yells out from where he was finding more sprinkles and gintoki picks up the camera off the tripod and runs with it, decides to post the footage

takasugi ends up doing a political video on it

they are all part of youtube red show where they do the 3z universe

takasugi does poetry on his channel too

he has one "moon watching on the roof" where he encourages his subscribers to make a line of a poem in the comments and then he makes a series about taking comments from there and making full poems from it

he also has a playlist with a billion haikus

there's a minecraft series w katsura and gintoki and oboro on takasugis channel

they all have custom skins that's just their character except katsura who is elizabeth

oboro spends every moment trying to kill gintoki so when they go to the ender dragon everyones decked out and gintoki and oboro have wooden swords and thats it

katsura revolks gins rights bc after they took away oboros he started getting mad w power

all of them are shit at building so their base is just a big shack of cobble

when they want something nice gintoki just drags tatsuma to his chair and tells him to go until hes done

tatsumas like "this is slavery" and gintoki spits on him

tatsuma actually joins the series after they defeat the ender dragon and he and takasugi create an empire

the reason he joins is because he wants to sit in his own room and not get spat on

however as soon as he joins it becomes a chicken race of gintoki trying to kill tatsuma and oboro trying to kill gintoki

but takasugi and zura backstab tatsuma and try to kill him too

they force him into the brown square for the building theyre working on and if he tries to leave they kill him

his inventory is 10 bread and they dont give him anything else unless he builds

tatsuma himself has 10mil and its like high brainpower science space and engineering videos

gintoki comments "nerd" on every video and takasugi ends up doing a political video on it

footnote bansai is still alive

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booai · 2 years

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GinTaka oneshots part 5 | Punching someone is surprisingly intimate 2/2

Summary:

Chapter 1: What’s worse? Being haunted by ghouls of blood-soaked battlefields or being the target of Gintoki’s constant pestering? Shinsuke is trying to figure it out.

Chapter 2: The White Demon never thought there’d be a time he would be spending this much of a day thinking about a boy– his friend and his dear rival, no less

Rating: T

Length: 19150 words

CW: Graphic violence

Happy GinTakaGin day 2022!!!

#gintaka #takagin #takasugi shinsuke #sakata gintoki #gintama fanfiction #gintama fic rec #GoodforNothingDuoFestival #gintaka day 2022

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kbtbb-soryu · 1 year

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Walk Through Hell with Me [Takasugi x OC] Chapter 7

As had become her custom, Ai tossed her latest missive over the fence while sweeping up the courtyard. What she wrote was concise and straight to the point. She avoided revealing too much sensitive information, but she added some information about opium. She doubted the Shinsengumi would care though - they were one-track-minded. Only cared about taking down their enemies.

“Would you care for a cup of tea?” Yoshida asked from behind.

“Hm?” Ai turned around. “Oh, hey, Yoshida.”

“I just bought these tasty-looking sweets… Oh, and just Maro is fine.” He smiled. Ai tilted her head to the side. “You can call me Maro. And Kusaka? You can call him Gen. Easier that way, isn’t it?” Yoshida said.

“Alright, Maro…”

“Hey, don’t go deciding what she gets to call me,” Kusaka came up to the two.

“You don’t want her calling you Gen?” Maro asked.

“I don’t care what she calls me,” Gen replied. Ai smiled gently.

“Where’d you get these sweets?” Takasugi asked.

“Sweet bean balls, from that Baby Tiger shop,” Maro said.

“Ooh! Nice! I haven’t had anything from Baby Tiger in the longest time!” Kusaka - no, Gen - exclaimed.

Maro unwrapped the small parcel to reveal four glistening sweet bean balls.

“Maro…” Ai said, an ominous energy surrounding her as she raised her fist. “Where did you get the money for this?”

“There was just enough left over in our budget, so I decided to splurge,” Maro replied.

Ai’s eyebrow twitched uncontrollably. “That wasn’t left over! That money was supposed to be for the liquor store!”

Gen laughed. “So, this time, we have sweets instead of liquor. Nice change of pace!”

“Good call, Maro. We could use a little dry spell around here,” Takasugi said.

Ai felt like pulling all of her lustrous hair out of her skull. “Not to buy liquor, you morons! To pay your ridiculously overbalanced tab!” Ai clutched her head dramatically and groaned. “How can three grown men be so damn irresponsible?!”

“Well, it’s not like I can turn these sweet bean balls back into coins,” Maro paused, “You want one, or not?”

Ai crossed her arms, her eyebrow twitching again. “You promised you’d go and pay the liquor store today… It was your last outstanding debt.”

“Shall we dig into the reserve coffers, then?” Takasugi asked.

“You’re not touching that!” Ai scolded.

“Listen to all that complaining. Sounds like you don’t want one. That’s okay. I can eat yours,” Gen said. Ai snatched one of the balls out of Maro’s hand and stomped back into the annex.

“By eating one of these balls, you implicitly agree to their purchase,” Takasugi said after her.

“Shut up!” she called back.

“Who will emerge victorious? Your budget? Or these delicious-looking sweets?” Takasugi muttered.

“I heard that!”

That evening, try as she might, Ai couldn’t fall asleep. As she sat on the veranda, staring at the crescent moon, she heard the faint sound of a shamisen being strung. Ai followed the sound until she came to a stop outside a room she didn’t recognise. She slid the door open slightly and found Takasugi playing the shamisen, a languid expression on his face.

“Is someone there?” Takasugi asked, abruptly stopping his playing. Ai slid the door open all the way.

“Hey,” she said, not stepping foot inside the room.

“It’s you, huh?” Takasugi didn’t appear particularly upset at finding her there.

“Yeah. I heard you playing the shamisen.” She nodded her head to the inside of the room.

“You were still awake?” he asked.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Ai shrugged.

“Well then, come in.”

Ai smiled and stepped into the room, filled with objects from around the world. She hadn’t seen much of the world herself, unlike Emi, and she found it wondrous. Ai looked around the room, unable to hide her fascination.

“This is incredible…” she mused.

“Everything you see here has been imported from overseas. Some of these things I’ve purchased from traders. Others, I brought back myself, from Shanghai.”

“You’ve been to China, then? Have you been to other countries, too?”

“I have. Let me tell you, when you sail the oceans, and see how many different countries there are, it really starts to change the way you see the world.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Ai walked around the room, looking at all it had to offer. She bent down in front of a glowing, see-through object. Like glass. “Glassware.”

“You’ve seen it before?” Takasugi asked, surprised.

“Not in real life. My sister went to many countries and brought back books for me to read. Sometimes she made sketches of the things she’s seen.”

“I see. I’ve been to countries where this kind of gorgeous object is commonplace. How about these exotic dolls…? And aren’t these textiles magnificent…” Takasugi unfurled remarkable fabric adorned with unique patterns.

“It’s like paradise…”

“Yes, the countries of the world have many beautiful objects to appreciate… But those same countries are also capable of polluting our country with nightmarish substances, like opium, for example.” Takasugi picked up his shamisen and once again began plucking away at it. “I’ve already seen what that stuff can do to people. The horrors I witnessed in China… And I hear that it’s begun to infect parts of Europe, as well. Left unchecked, opium is enough to rob a nation of its dignity. I pray that such a fate is not in store for our glorious nation as well.” As he said that, Takasugi struck one final, loud, discordant note.

Ai’s eyes widened slightly. “You’re pretty patriotic, aren’t you?” She sat down on the sofa next to him.

Takasugi chuckled. “I guess I am. So, tell me… Who do you believe are your true enemies?”

Ai looked up at the ceiling as she mulled his question over. “My enemies? My enemies have always been the demon hunters, I suppose. My sister won a war against them, but I’m sure they’ll be back at some point. As long as we exist. Plus, pure-blooded demons don’t exactly like half-breeds either. We’re pretty much outcasts. We don’t fit in anywhere.” Ai smiled wryly as she looked back at the man next to her. “Who are your enemies, Takasugi?” she asked.

“The real enemies, you see, are those foreign countries. These foreign countries swarm around Japan like vultures, eyeing it hungrily. If we continue to allow this to happen… We’ll be picked apart and ruined, like so much carrion.” Takasugi cast his eyes towards the floor. Ai could tell he was deeply concerned and she could empathise with that, but she didn’t agree with him. Not entirely.

“Well, if you’re going to say that about those other countries, then you’d have to say the same for Japan.”

Takasugi’s eyes flashed to her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that I don’t think it’s a nationality thing. Think about how and why opium is being distributed here. Things can only be sold if there’s a market for it. All I’m saying is that evil deeds, greed, war… All those unpleasant things… It’s a human thing, not a nation thing. But I also know that it’s not all bad. People can have a lot of good in them, too.” Ai smiled softly. “I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings; I just don’t think it’s as black and white as you make it out to be. You should know that better than anyone. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t blame entire countries because of the actions of a few rotten apples. Governments and militaries aren’t the only things countries are made up of. And not everyone who comes here from abroad does so out of malice.” Ai averted her eyes for a moment, before going on, “But look, this is just my opinion. You don’t have to agree with it. I know it probably sounds wishy-washy to you…” Ai smiled wryly. “Anyway, you should just do what you believe in.”

Takasugi’s eyes were unwavering as he looked at her. “I am.”

“Does the Choshu have a lord?” Ai suddenly asked.

“What?”

“I was just wondering, if the Choshu had a lord, if he couldn’t convene with the Shogunate to put a stop to this opium business?”

“If it were so simple, do you think I’d be posing as some backwater soba shop owner? The people in charge of running this country are easily led astray… It’s as if their eyes are incapable of perceiving what’s right in front of them. If they were to become more heavily involved, I shudder to think what might happen.” From the profundity of the sadness on his face, it was clear that he was doing everything he could.

Ai looked away, an awkward expression on her face as the corner of her lips twitched. “Yeah, I can’t really argue with that.”

“Explaining the truth to power will not bring about justice… My master… He recognised that, in order to preserve peace, our nation must expel the foreigners, and close its shores once more. For this, he was killed by the Shogunate.” Takasugi struck at the strings of his shamisen violently. Nope, Ai definitely couldn’t agree with that view.

“Your master, huh? Maro mentioned before that the three of you used to go to school together at Shoukason Juku.”

“That’s right. It was a fine little school. We studied mainly under our master, Shouin Yoshida. Master thought deeply about the changing face of this country, and what sort of nation we ought to become.” Takasugi’s eyes narrowed as he lost himself in his memories. Ai’s, on the other hand, widened.

“Shouin Yoshida?!”

“You’ve heard of him?” Takasugi asked, surprised.

“From my sister, yeah. She spoke quite highly of him. Did he ever tell you about the oni war?”

“No, most of us thought that was a myth. So your sister was involved in that war…” Takasugi looked up at the ceiling.

Ai barked a laugh. “Involved? She led the charge. My sister did what no oni has done in over a thousand years. She united the divided oni clans to stand as one; she led a revolution. And she won. She swore an oath to her people that she would create the dawn of a new era, and she did. Even in the face of adversity, she never backed down.” Ai puffed her chest out as though she were speaking of her own accomplishment.

“You really look up to her, don’t you?” Takasugi’s eyes were tender as he gazed at her.

Ai smiled. “I do… She’s the best sister I ever could have asked for… Tell me about Master Shouin. I want to know.”

“Master did not merely expound upon his students. He engaged us in dialogue. It was a true exchange of ideas. He nurtured our intellectual development. We did not spend all of our time in a classroom. We took trips to the mountains, and the ocean. We learned much about the world around us.” Takasugi’s voice thickened with sadness as he reminisced about his teacher. He and his friends were fortunate to have had such a rich upbringing. “When Master became aware of the threats being imposed by foreign invaders, he was brave enough to speak up, for the safety of our nation. And how was he rewarded for his efforts? Well, you know the answer to that. As if he were the one threatening the Shogunate, Master himself was slaughtered.” His voice became quieter the more he spoke, revealing his feelings. Anger, and a deep sorrow.

“That’s why you decided to continue his work, so to speak. To honour him.”

“Exactly. That’s when I realised. There’s no longer any true justice in this world. If there ever was… And if the world wishes to persecute us, and call us criminals, then so be it. Let us be judged then, based on the success or failure of our so-called crimes.” Ai looked down, not saying anything. A moment passed. “Is something wrong? You’ve gone quiet all of a sudden.”

“I was just thinking about what you just said about justice… My sister said something similar before…”

“What did she say?”

“She said that justice didn’t really exist, because it was relative.” Ai looked up at him. “You know, subjective. What is good? What is evil? Who decides? People believe what they want to believe, see what they want to see. They’re capable of justifying just about anything, but what one person thinks is right, someone else might think is wrong. I believed her, and I still do, but I think that maybe I was just trying to make myself feel better. Because I’m the same. I justify taking people’s lives by saying it’s the only way for me to survive. And it is. But I’m still the one who makes that choice. I’m the one who decides that my life is more important than the other person’s.”

“Maybe, but that would mean that we’re the same…”

“You think so?” Ai tilted her head to the side.

“You said it yourself, the world isn’t black and white.”

Ai chuckled wryly. “That’s true.”

Takasugi cast a world-weary glance at the night sky as he sat by the open window. “Let me play you one more song.” Once again, he began to strum away at his shamisen, the melody sorrowful and heartrending. Ai closed her eyes as she listened, feeling every note tug at her heartstrings.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

#takasugi #oni #Shinsaku Takasugi #maro #gen #voltage inc #fanfiction #fantasy #folklore #japan #otome #action #supernatural

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amethysttribble · 4 months

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this is random you referenced one fic about a year and a half ago in the notes of a gintama post, do u know the title? i saw your tags awhile back and i want to read it https://www.tumblr.com/amethysttribble/689038760659304448 <- this is the post

Hey! Sure! This question delighted me to wake up to; I didn’t remember, but I went searching because, hey, that fic deserves some recognition. An outside female pov with a focus on historical detail, including footnotes? In 2012? That’s amazing.

And I found it! Good thing there really aren’t that many Gintama fics on FNN, and not many unfinished ones about Takasugi.

Here it is: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8348698/1/

I can’t vouch for its quality on the year 2024, as I read this in 2014 when I was in highschool, but hey, I’m probably going to re-read it now, too, and at the time it blew me away. Unfinished, but many of the best fics are!

Glad you asked and hope this helps!

#ask #Tribble post #gintama #what a delightful funny thing to wake up too

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mistofcrows · 1 year

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well, i finally sat down to watch gintama: the final and i… wasn’t surprised, was mildly pleased, but still felt a bit disappointed. let me explain: i had absolutely loved every gintama arc and almost every antagonist up until utsuro’s reveal in farewell shinsengumi (although i still love the arc overall); i just wasn’t convinced and didn’t like where the story was going.

i had high hopes for rakuyou arc, and i ended up liking on first watch only the second half of the story, since i didn’t really care for the antagonists the joui 4 faced. i mean, the fights were still good, and we got a lot of nice moments from sakamoto and katsura, who had sadly never gotten quite as many moments to shine as other characters; it’s just that those villains were so forgettable, were never heard of before or after the fights, that i felt no real fear or suspense, you know?

after the yato family’s conflict reached its resolution (which was nice to see), there was oboro’s backstory and it… didn’t click for me? and then the silver soul arc happens and i was 🫠🫠🫠 but oh well. i did like the comedy bits, of course, but it didn’t really feel like gintama to me, so once the season ended and i found out i had to read the manga or wait for the movie to get to the true final, i kinda stopped caring.

then, a month or so ago, i rewatched some gintama clips, saw more fanart and read some fanfiction, and i got The Gintama Feelings again (yay!). i had a looot of free time, so i watched a couple of reviews of these arcs i didn’t like, and i started to understand them (? i guess. it’s just that, looking back at all the hints that had appeared, all the parallels, and hearing other perspectives, my mind changed a bit. or, to put it better, i understand why other fans like it.

so, in the mindset of wanting to give this ending another chance, i did watch the movie, and i can finally say that, having in mind what happened in those last episodes, i kind of expected the way it would end, since i didn’t really have high hopes for any good character moments that weren’t shoka sonjuku-related, laughed at the jokes (especially the first one), and was a bit shocked that takasugi would be killed off, and then resurrected (or rebirthed?).

at the end of the day, i’m glad it ended with the yorozuya staying as yorozuya and nothing radically changing (i love when found families stay together), so i can only complain about pretty much everything else that happens, but i don’t really feel like doing it now. i’ve started a rewatch of the series so i may, finally, perhaps, enjoy those last arcs while as an audience member.

that was a long rant. i needed to get it off my chest

#gintama spoilers #gintama the final

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leanmois · 3 years

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hotel de sol by @arasei finished last week, and to celebrate this i made a little fanart!

#gintama #arasei #hotel de sol #fanfiction #fanart #okikagu #okita sougo #kagura #utsuro #oboro #gintoki #takasugi #katsura #shimura shinpachi #shimura tae #hijikata toushirou #kondo isao

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lilac-5ky · 2 years

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As cliche as it may sound can i get a headcanon or imagine for Takasugi-kun who's strolling in the streets of edo accidentally bumps into the supposed to be dead reader (he saw her died at joui war) and she don't have any memories of him :) how will he react when he saw his lover again?

A/N: I could literally write a book with just this storyline lmfao there is something very appealing about heartbreak ;-; Funnily enough this turned out to be like a belated birthday gift to you since it took me a million years to finish, but hey happy birthday :p

Warning: This is obviously angst. Mentions of blood, depression, alcohol and smoking are included. Oh and, not really a warning but, THIS IS VERY VERY VERY LONG. Longest request I've written.

Takasugi with a presumably dead S/O reappearing in his life

Throughout the history of mankind, it's been evident that humans enjoyed observing the things around them. From studying the nature in the form of bird or flower watching, to spending hours upon hours of watching programs in their little black boxes; everyone had their vice. Takasugi was no different. Perhaps more so than others, one of the things he enjoyed the most was people watching.

There’s so much you can discover about a person just by studying them in their natural environment. How they talk, how they walk, their gestures, their laughter, all those little things reveal a great deal of information. A man who walks with his hands behind his back tends to be secretive, whereas a girl who points her shoes at the one she’s discussing with is most likely interested in them.

Takasugi always took his time noticing and analyzing such patterns. In a line of work where everyone was out to get him, picking up on these subtle cues came to be his shield of protection. After all, his intuition had yet to fail him.

While he did find some enjoyment in this hobby of his, more often than not, the conclusions he came up with disgusted him. Why was it that everyone appeared so carefree and lively when they had to share their land with the Amanto or, even worse, those filthy Bakufu dogs at the top? How could they possibly forget about what was taken from them, what was lost in the war? How could they afford to live so shamelessly, going about their days with smiles on their faces? Sometimes, he felt as if he was the only one who remembered, the only one whose wounds had yet to heal.

After such sessions, all he was left with was utter bitterness, directed at no one and everyone all at once. He detested that the world had somehow managed to move on when he was left all by himself in the past. There was no place for him to stand and breathe freely anymore. A passerby among passersby, that’s all he was. Just like the family of three that walked to his left, just like the old man selling takoyaki to his right, and just like the woman who-

“I’m so sorry!” The woman bowed. Her hands were clasped together, frantically moving up and down as if she meant to atone for the great sin of bumping into him.

“I’m terribly sorry, I really am, I’m just in a great hurry! If I don’t share these by evening, I’ll lose my job.” She went on, dropping to her knees.

An assortment of purple colored fliers had spread all around, some being carried around by the wind while the majority were scattered on the ground surrounding the two.

Looking down at her, an odd sense of familiarity rushed over him. A curtain of ruffled hair was obscuring her features, making it impossible for him to take a proper look at her face, yet he could swear this wasn’t his first time meeting with her.

Though she was the one who bumped into him, Takasugi ended up lowering himself beside her, using the fliers as an excuse to sate his curiosity. He picked the ones that were over to his side, stacking them up in a pile.

“Here.”

“Thank you so much! Once again I’m terribly sorry and, uh, please, feel free to keep one of these for a free drink!” The woman said, handing one of the fliers back to him.

The second her fingers touched his, it was as if time froze around them, or rather, as if time sent him to a bygone era, one that lived in his memories alone.

“Gotcha!” The girl said, waving his stolen headband before his eyes.

In a rapid dash, she moved out of his sight, her chuckle echoing through the endless rows of trees. She was always like that, seemingly doing everything and anything in her power to inconvenience him. His expressions were too funny; that was her reasoning and perhaps she was right. There was no malice in his glares, no real animosity that was meant for her. Though he never admitted it, the little games she put up were quite entertaining for him too.

Even when he finally caught up to her, his arms caging her body in a tight embrace, she never stopped laughing, not even for a second. He couldn’t remember what he was trying to do. Retrieve the headband? Hold her close? Time had hazed his memory in a mist, yet the one thing he was able to remember was her face. The eyes he adored staring into; the lips he adored kissing; the hair he adored caressing; everything that defined her.

Suddenly, she stopped putting up a fight, her limbs dropping on top of his arms as she turned around to face him.

“How do I look?” She asked with a smug smile, showing off the headband that was wrapped around her forehead.

Stunning as always, he thought.

“You look like you’ll never grow up.” He muttered in a stern tone. After all, his thoughts rarely matched his words when she was involved, a fact he came to terribly regret.

This face… could it be her?

He was now standing in the middle of the battlefield, the vile stench of blood and smoke numbing his senses as he moved through the countless corpses and rubble. Nothing but pain and anguish remained in the once lively village. Everything was reduced to ashes thanks to Amanto technology.

Following the explosion, a constant ringing vibrated in his ears, only falling second to the cries of a child and the shrieks of an elderly woman. No one was able to predict such calamity, not his men and certainly not him.

With each step Takasugi took, the lump in his throat increased in size, a foolish hope being the one thing that kept his legs moving forward. He’d barely realized what had just happened, barely aware of what he was searching for until his steps came to a halt. A white headband -one identical to the one he was sporting- was flowing with the wind between the rubble, confirming his worst fears at once.

Before he knew it, he was on his knees, cradling your ashen face between his fingers. Your eyes were semi-closed, blood running from the corners of your mouth. He looked at you, unable to grasp the reality that lied before him, the reality that he was about to lose you.

“Sh-Shinsuke.” A cough cut his name in half. “You came.” A frail attempt at a smile only worsened things for you, blood spewing onto his jacket.

“As I thought, it always looked best on you-” You said, your fingers trailing all the way up to his face before slowly dropping to your side.

“What are you talking about?” He failed to hide his fury. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to him and certainly not to you.

“Y/N.” He spoke your name in a softer tone, but you didn’t reply.

“Y/N!” He called out again, hoping that his voice had simply gone unregistered amidst the chaos surrounding him.

“Oi, Y/N! Pull yourself together!”

By the third time, he was yelling at you, violently shaking your body to no avail.

Refusing to give up, Takasugi took your hand in his, desperately trying to get a hold of you. He squeezed at it harder and harder, as if he could keep you to life with sheer strength alone, but it was already too late. No pulse, no nothing. You were just gone.

“Takasugi, we need to go! There might be more coming, get out of there!” Even Katsura’s voice wasn’t enough to snap him out of it.

For a mere second, he wished to quit. He had seen enough carnage for a lifetime and he was tired. What were they fighting for? What was it all for if they couldn’t even protect a minuscule mountain village? How could they possibly save an entire country or, hell, even the whole world? The thought sickened him. At the moment, all he wanted to do was lie next to you, beg you to take him to wherever it was you were going.

No matter how much he wanted to do just that, Takasugi realized that such a luxury was one he could never afford. Not when so many people depended on him, not when he knew what giving up meant. No matter what, he had to keep going, with or without you. This was unfair. So unfair.

He leaned closer, his fingers slightly trembling as he pulled the headband off your forehead, replacing it with the cleaner one he was wearing. His words from that day held a different meaning now that he came to realize; you were never going to grow up. The life he dreamed with you was extinguished in a flash.

Bringing a hand to your chin, he rubbed at your skin carefully, trying his best to remove the blood from your face. You nearly looked as if you were sleeping, he thought to himself, a heartbreaking thought that only fueled the tears in his eyes.

Katsura’s yells were clearer now, meaning that he was approaching, but Takasugi was not done. He had to do this. Even when he was unable to share his true feelings with you, he needed to make sure that he could do this one thing properly, that he could give you the goodbye you deserved.

His palm made its way onto your forehead, slightly lingering before dropping above your eyes, shutting them once and for all. He glanced down at his other hand, taking a good look at the headband he retrieved. Its edges were painted in a bright scarlet color, blood having seeped through the fabric, your blood. Without thinking twice, Takasugi clenched his fist around the material, shoving it in his pocket. This was the only keepsake he could have of you, a reminder and proof of your existence.

With a sigh, he laid your body back down onto the ground, thinking that this was the last moment you shared.

Yet…could it be that it wasn’t? Could it be that this blood was fake? Could it be that those tears were fake? Could it be that the person whose eyes he closed were never yours? Could it be that the woman in front of him was, as a matter of fact, you?

By the time Takasugi snapped back to reality, the pink color of your kimono had nearly faded into the distance, leaving him utterly confused as to what he’d just experienced. He could call you out, run after you, yet looking at the flier in his hand, he got a better idea.

“Snack Smile bar? What a lackluster name.” He muttered, crumbling the paper in his fist.

“Come in, come in! Heaven’s sigh’s girls will leave you sighing!”

“Boss, how about a drink with us? We promise to take good care of you.”

“Would you like a nurse to check on your vitals or an officer to apprehend you? Whatever your fantasy, we can grant it!”

The empty promises of the hostesses served as ambient sound to Takasugi’s ears while he strolled through Kabukicho. With his hat lowered before his eyes, he attempted to blend in with the crowd, stealing a glance at the signs of the buildings as he passed them by. Many had the word bar or snack in their name, yet no writing matched the one in his flier.

If he was being honest with himself, he was unsure of what he was trying to do. Obviously, he was looking for you, but what good could possibly come out of it? Perhaps your encounter had been brief, giving you no time to realize who it was, but even so, there was no way you were unable to recognize him. Either you played dumb for whatever reason he failed to pinpoint, or he was once again chasing after the ghosts of his past. Whatever the case was, he needed an answer.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally found himself outside Snack Smile. A girl in a peachy kimono was standing by the door, calling out to any passerby who seemed interested enough to take a peek at the place. Her smile was bright, though it lacked verity. If anything, it looked as if she was trying to keep people away, rather than invite them in.

“My, are you new here? I don’t think we’ve seen your face before, dear customer.” She directed him with a sweet tone. “Please come in and we’ll make sure to turn that frown upside down!”

What am I even doing here, Takasugi pondered to himself. This was obviously a mistake.

Reluctantly, he brought two fingers to his hat, tipping it forward as a means of agreement. If anything, he was so close to his goal that he might as well walk the walk. The girl caught onto his gesture, beckoning for him to follow her to the entrance.

Unlike the rest of his subordinates and his comrades from the war, Takasugi wasn’t overly fond of such places. His visits to Yoshiwara or cabaret bars were numbered, mostly limited to the carefully timed opportunities he created to strike beneficial business deals. There were only so many men who could resist the cheap thrills a woman offered. Combine that with alcohol and you earned yourself an agreeable ally.

To be fair, Takasugi preferred his partners sober enough, turning to such tactics only when the occasion demanded it. On the contrary, when it came down to him personally, well, he found no reason to be visiting such places all by himself. He spared no time to play around with ignorant little girls, though somehow, he had now managed to surround himself with a dozen of them.

Tall, short, blonde, brunette, lean and curvy; every type of girl with conventional beauty had gathered up around him, pulling him towards an empty booth. They were so eager to tend to his whims, oblivious to the fact that he was feeling rather uncomfortable with their touch-y and intrusive behavior. They had completely misread his intentions, but then again, who visits hostess bars without indulging?

In an attempt to make him feel more comfortable, a girl grabbed onto the strings of his hat, his hand removing hers in time. It wasn’t as if he could afford to be spotted and arrested here, of all places.

“Master, what will you have?” One of the girls cooed in his ear.

“You are so good looking, won’t you have a drink with us?” The second girl chimed in after his lack of a response.

“What about some Dom Peri? Would that be to your tastes?” Another one followed.

That’s right. If he stood there without even ordering, he’d attract even more attention to himself. Sighing, Takasugi fished the crumbled up paper from inside his pocket, sliding it across the table.

“Oh, you have one of those? Let me show you how our reward system works!” The first girl, a blonde with a dark blue kimono suggested, scooting closer to him.

“Every time you visit our bar, you get a stamp, slowly unlocking milestones with certain rewards. The first one is a free drink of your choice, and then when you reach this one.” She paused, pointing at the middle of the paper. “You get the chance to play Uno with one of our girls, how exciting!”

Is that how hostess bars operate?

“The final reward is a free bottle of our finest Dom Peri, one that isn’t even watered down!”

Takasugi crooked an eyebrow, unable to tell whether this was some sort of deliberate joke or if this was an actual reward system they had set up. Uno nights and watered down bottles of champagne, was this really what Edo had turned into?

“How many visits till that Uno session?”

“Oh, you are interested?” Not in particular. “It’s five visits and you can choose any of the girls to play with. Will you choose me?” The same girl asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

Any girl, huh…

Though he’d been seated for at least five minutes, none of the girls around him, nor the ones that served the customers in the other booths bore any resemblance to you. Could he be mistaken?

The blonde kept pestering him, her one arm locked around his elbow, with her other hand rubbing at his shoulder. His patience was wearing thin, but causing a scene wouldn’t fix anything. After all, she was merely doing her job.

“Sake.” Takasugi said, hoping that her departure could at least get him some room for breathing.

Surely enough, the girl jumped on her feet, the other two maintaining their distance all the while eyeing him.

All of a sudden, the loud thump of a glass breaking forced his attention to shift to the bar. A man with his arms crossed over his chest was barking at a girl, something about salaries and final mistakes. Repeatedly, she bowed her head up and down, her clasped hands moving in sync with the rest of her body. She was frantic, spelling out one ‘sorry’ after the other. Eventually, the man, presumably the owner of this place, raised his hand to dismiss her, stepping away from the scene.

The girl stood in place, only turning around after she was left alone. The second Takasugi got a proper look at her face, the same feeling he’d felt earlier reappeared; the same sensation of having the air sucked out of his lungs was back. It was her, the girl from before, that girl… you.

“What a klutz.” The brunette next to him exclaimed with a scoff.

“I know, right? When will she finally learn? Boss is too lenient with her.” The second brunette sighed.

“I guess what they say is right, the pretty ones sure have it easy.”

“What’s with that girl?” Takasugi inquired.

“What? Her? She came about 5 years ago I think.” The blonde from earlier had returned, setting a tray of glasses and alcohol on top of the table. “She is such a weirdo, other than her appearance there’s not much going on with her. Just because she has a few regulars, she thinks she is someone, but truth is, she’s just a lost cause. A nobody.”

She poured a drink for Takasugi, then handed the rest of the glasses to the other girls. Bringing it to her lips, she downed it in one go.

“You know, there is something seriously wrong with her.”

Takasugi tilted his head towards the brunette to his left. It looked like both these girls held some sort of grudge against their coworker and while hearing them badmouth you irked him, he wished to find out why.

“When she first came here, she wouldn’t even give us her name. Claimed she had no recollection of that nor her past, but if you ask me, she is hiding something. Or else she wouldn’t put up with all the names people give her.”

“Aho-chan, Hidoi-chan, Kagome-chan, that’s how she goes by. What a pitiful creature.” The third girl commented, tipping her glass between her fingers.

No name and no background. That certainly was strange, though it would suffice as an explanation. Whatever happened to you back then, the only way for you to be unable to recognize him or seek him out in the first place, would be for your memory to get wiped out. An unlike scenario, but it was what it was.

“Now girls, let’s not bore our customer with such tedious talk. Master, whatever it is that you want, this girl won’t be able to deliver. Me on the other side…” The blonde mewled into his ear, one finger running along the hem of his yukata.

“How much?” Takasugi asked with a forced smile.

“Hmm?”

“How much should I give for you to keep your hands off ?”

The girl was stunned, her confident act dropping at once. Hesitantly, she retrieved her hand, returning to her own seat without any protest.

“That’s so mean, master.” She frowned, an awkward chuckle following her words.

Takasugi reached a hand inside his clothes, dropping a handful of bills on the table. He peered at the expressions of the girls; half disturbed, half excited at the sight of the money. They were all doing their best to keep their distance from him, scared of receiving the same treatment their friend did. Good leeches.

“This should be more than enough to cover your entire shifts. Leave.” Takasugi dismissed them.

Obeying, the three of them reached out to the table, each gathering their share before walking away.

“Not you.” He nodded at the blonde with his glass.

“Oh? Have you changed your mind, mas-”

“Add four more stamps to this, if you wish for a bonus.” He said, pushing the flier in her direction.

“But-

“This isn’t a request.” He cut her off, deliberately glancing down at the sword around his waist.

The girl slid a hand inside her pouch, pulling a red stamp out. Fortunately, she was smart enough to understand that he wasn't in the mood for playing around.

A game of uno wasn’t much of a reward, but adding you to the equation, he was left with no choice. If his theory was correct, then by his next visit, all the pieces to the puzzle would come together, or so he hoped.

“Please come again.” She muttered with next to zero enthusiasm, leaving his sight along with her bonus.

At last, silence.

For the rest of the night, Takasugi remained in the booth all by himself. A couple of girls attempted to approach him, though his previous companions managed to spread the word in time. ‘He is dangerous, he is crazy, he is… boring.’ He didn’t need to hear them to imagine the kind of things they were whispering to each other’s ears. After all, he was no stranger to such unimaginative discrimination.

A long while passed, and soon the only ones in the bar were him and a couple of merchants in the far back. Despite having consumed far more alcohol than the free drink he had been promised, he was feeling quite sober, his mind focused solely on you.

Following the accident you caused, your boss assigned you to a new post, forcing you to be on the move between the bar and the storage room. Each time you entered with a new crate, your expression seemed wearier than before, your legs on the verge of giving out. Judging from past experiences, lifting weights was never your forte.

Takasugi smiled right before his lips touched the glass. Some things never change.

By the time he finished his final drink, the bar had been completely emptied out, giving him the perfect opportunity to act out. He fixed his hat and clothes, propping his arm onto the hilt of his sword while he sluggishly made his way out of the store. He had no clue where said storage room was, but the probability of it being just past the back alley was pretty high.

It was dark and he couldn’t see much, the distant neon lights being the sole source of light. He could only stumble around, until his foot hit a crate, sending it flying towards a brick wall. The impact was followed by a shriek, one loud enough to obscure every and any sound that came from the bustling city.

Realizing what happened, Takasugi stepped in, his hands reaching out just in time to capture the falling champagne bottles from your hands.

“Thank you so much!" The voice exclaimed, belonging to none other than you.

If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have tripped in the first place.

Picking up on some of the bottles, he did his best to share the burden equally between the two of you. They were quite heavy, he realized, three of them being enough to weigh him down. There was no way you could manage such a task all by yourself.

On the way to the front door, you kept asking him to let go, assuring him that he’d already done enough, but he was having none of it. He even assisted you with putting them back on the shelves, ignoring your pleas to let go. He wasn't helping you for the sake of helping you; he just couldn't stand the sound of another glass shattering. Or at least, that’s how he justified his actions.

After everything was in place and your duty was fulfilled, Takasugi excused himself, seeing no more reason to stick around. Having a conversation without getting the chance to rationalize this absurdity would not end well.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Your voice made him freeze in his stead.

“You remember?”

“Of course I do!” He turned around, his eye searching for yours in the darkness.

“I’m so sorry for bumping into you earlier and running away like this.” He felt his own heart sinking, the glimmer of hope disappearing as fast as it appeared.

Even if it was dark, your face was perfectly visible to him. Everything appeared to be the same as he remembered, as if not even a day had gone by since he last saw you. Everything but your eyes, that was. You used to look at him with such endearment and affection, such that was enough to thaw his icy exterior without any effort, but now that's gone. You bore the eyes of a stranger looking at another stranger.

“Are you from around here? What’s your name?”

“Shinsuke.”

“Shinsuke huh… that’s such a nice name. Don’t think I’ve met anyone who goes by that before.”

“I… see.” Hearing his name coming out of his lips stirred something within him. He had missed that sound more than he could ever admit.

“What brings you here, Shinsuke-san?”

“I was looking for someone. A woman.” He specified.

“Hm? Have you come here for one of our girls? Who is it?”

“Y/N.” It had been so long since he’d last called your name out, especially to your face. Part of him hoped that hearing it would have the same effect for you as it did for him.

“Y/N… I don’t think there is anyone working for us with such a name. Could it be that she gave you a stage name or nickname?”

He was unsure of what to answer. Such a charade was ridiculous.

“I guess the person I’m looking for doesn’t exist anymore.” Takasugi mumbled, turning his back on you. There was no point in trying. The woman he once loved was gone. It was about time he accepted that.

As he was about to leave, his sleeve getting tugged downwards caught his attention. A pair of delicate fingers were holding onto it, with another pair of pleading orbs staring right into his.

“Some girls do that. They give fake names because the owners don’t allow us to give our real names to clients. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by that. You said her name was Y/N, right? I’ll try asking around to see what I can find.”

“There’s no need for that.” He attempted to leave, yet your clutching kept him in place.

“I want to help! Compensation for crashing into you and uh… a thank you for your assistance.”

Takasugi placed his hand on top of yours, briefly stuttering at the softness of your knuckles before he pulled your fingers off his sleeve. Your persistence was making things harder for him, another leftover trait of your past self. This wasn’t you, he reminded himself. A person with no memories was not themselves anymore. This wasn’t you, this wasn’t you, this wasn’t—

“Come again soon, Shinsuke-san!”

Even when his steps were taking him away from you, Takasugi realized that sooner than later they’d be bringing him back.

“Uno!” You cheerfully proclaimed, slamming a wild draw four card on top of the pile.

Takasugi shook his head as he scattered his cards across the table, an assortment of green and yellow clashing with the dark cedar. This was the fifth round you’d won in a row and although he didn’t want to admit defeat, perhaps going for so long without playing the game had turned him rusty. He used to beat you with such ease back in the day that he wasn’t prepared to face any sort of resistance. Could it be that he was more preoccupied with figuring out what had happened, or did your amnesia come with a streak of luck?

“Again.” With gritted teeth, Takasugi shuffled and stacked the cards once more. He wasn’t intending to end this on a loss. Besides, the reward didn’t specify how many rounds of Uno he could play.

Dealing seven cards to each of you, he took his time to study your expression. Your eyes darted between your hands, a loose smile hanging upon your lips that he couldn’t decode. Was it possible that you had another draw four? Nah, that couldn’t be it right? Unless you cheated, there was no such way.

Before you started the round, you reached a hand to the sake bottle, pouring the two of you another set of drinks whilst holding onto the cards with the other. Unsurprisingly enough, you ended up spilling more alcohol outside rather than inside the glasses, making a mess out of the table. What a lousy hostess.

As he was about to take a sip, your chuckle forced him to turn around.

“Is this your first time playing, Shinsuke-san? You’re pretty awful at this.” You exclaimed in a gleeful tone, bringing the glass to your lips.

“Should hostesses be looking down on their customers ?” He argued, shifting through the cards in his hand. A wild card and a reverse card, not bad at all.

“Should customers be threatening hostesses with swords?”

Unaware of his action, Takasugi tightened his grip around the glass.

Up to that point, your behavior had been nothing out of the ordinary. Unlike the other girls who kept their distance from his table, you didn’t seem particularly wary of him. Considering your relationship with your coworkers, he had assumed that the rumor hadn’t reached your ears, but apparently he was wrong.

“Don’t worry about it. Kasumi-chan has a tendency of overreacting.” You assured, revealing the first card of the deck; eight red. “Hmm.” You played a two.

“What if she wasn’t?” He teased, dropping a four.

“Well…” You contemplated, carefully browsing through your hand. “You wouldn’t hurt her, would you?”

Green four.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t?"

“You helped me out yesterday. Even if you are a Joui or whatever, unless you had good intentions, you wouldn’t have bothered.”

Takasugi shrugged, dropping a 6.

“Besides…” He looked up at you, finding a slight smile tremble upon your lips. “You must have really wanted to play uno with me, huh?”

So she’d heard the full story. Admittedly, he shouldn’t have acted on such impulse, but then again why did that girl feel entitled to interfere with his personal affairs? Perhaps he should have dropped more than empty threats on her.

Returning his attention to the game, Takasugi tried to keep his cool, yet his grimace gave out how he really felt. With his lips curling into a scowl, he threw more alcohol down his throat, pushing the glass back to your side. This wasn’t the way he pictured this night going.

While he was caught up in his own thoughts, you acted upon your turn, dropping two green cards onto the pile.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He growled, forcefully grabbing you by the wrist the second you played them.

You blinked, looking at him with confusion.

“Skip… card?” Your gaze fell onto the fallen cards below; a green skip and a green seven.

Oh.

In an attempt to save face, Takasugi released his grip, wondering how many more hits his pride could suffer before he snapped. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought that your presence was the cause of jumpiness, but that couldn't be the case, right? A mere hostess, even if such was you, wasn't enough to make him nervous.

For the next 5 minutes or so, you kept on throwing cards one after the other in complete silence, the voices of the rest of the crowd filling in the gaps. To focus on winning or to focus on extracting information; Takasugi felt himself waver between the two choices. Whether he admitted it or not, your reappearance had left him in a distressed state that he absolutely detested.

"So are you?" You broke through the quiet, changing the color to yellow with a five.

"Hm?" Takasugi inquired, switching the color back to blue with a wild card.

"A Joui."

"What if I am? Will you report me?" He smirked.

"Should I?" You mused, browsing your hand before pulling a card from the deck, one you ended up not playing.

He shrugged, throwing a blue six. "It doesn’t matter if you do. I don’t intend to switch lanes now."

"Then… What is it that you intend to do?"

"Bring about an end to all this." He nonchalantly admitted, weighing your reaction.

He expected to find at least a glimpse of surprise or a hint of recognition, yet he spotted neither. Not only did he fail to reignite your memory, but it also looked as if you were completely unfazed by what he’d said.

"Sounds ominous." You said, at last.

"What about you?"

"Am I a Joui?" You pondered as you pulled another card. "I doubt it, though I can’t be too sure." Blue eight.

Takasugi raised an eyebrow, eager to hear the rest of the story. Finally, he’d brought you exactly where he wanted you to be.

"There was an accident many years ago. At least that’s what the people who found me said. In reality, I can’t remember anything. The accident, that place, the people I used to know, the girl I used to be… it’s all blank. Each time I try to recall such details, my head begins to tick like a time bomb." You admitted, going through your cards.

"It’s funny though. I could be someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, or someone’s lover and I wouldn’t even know about it."

There was sorrow in the way you spoke, a faint smile appearing and the disappearing in an instant. To have all the answers to your questions, Takasugi felt great guilt plaguing him. Your loss had always been one of the many he was responsible for, another regret to add onto the over-increasing burden of his soul. If he'd gotten there faster, if he’d gotten word of the attack before it happened, if, if, if…

He thought there was no way to change the past, but now that he saw the very same past unraveling before his eye, he was uncertain of what he was supposed to do. Perhaps it was better that you didn’t remember him. What one could consider a curse was in reality a blessing in disguise. There was no need for you to remember what was taken from you, what was lost because of him, or even him. Yes, it was better like this.

Reaching for his empty glass, he was quick to pour himself another drink, only to realize that the bottle was just as empty. The irony, he thought to himself, pushing it aside. No matter how much he tried to fill his own void, it would always come down to this, he realized.

"What about your name?" Takasugi sighed, drawing a card. Had he played his reverse card, then the game would have ended right then and there, but he didn’t mean to do that just yet. Not when you have yet to reveal all your cards for him to see.

Once his turn was over, you pulled two cards from the deck, glancing at your hand and then the eight he had previously dropped.

"I don’t remember that either. Everyone here gives me a different name, though most of them are pretty horrible." You said, earning a sympathetic nod from him.

"Oh, I didn’t mean to complain. It’s fine, really, I don’t mind at all. Feel free to call me however you want to."

"How about Y/N?" He suggested in a rather affectionate tone.

"Isn’t that the name of the girl you are looking for?"

"Didn’t you hear me?" He inquired, flicking the remaining two cards between his fingers. "That girl exists no longer."

"Y/N… it does have a nice ring." You beamed with excitement. "But are you sure it’s fine?"

"A pitiful hostess with no memories or name, and a ghost who only exists in memory. You might as well claim that name, she won't be asking back for it."

After all, it’s yours.

"Y/N." You said in a quiet tone. "Y/N," you said more confidently.

"It suits you." Takasugi nodded in acknowledgement, a hint of a smile spreading across his features. At least now he wasn’t the only one holding onto this name.

Peering at his cards one final time, he let the reverse one drop onto the center of the table. There was no point in stalling his victory any further, not when the outcome was already set.

"Uno."

"You win."

"Not bad for a first timer." He smirked.

Admittedly, Takasugi enjoyed his reward much more than he thought he would. Not once in a million years would he consider that he’d get the chance to glance at your smile or hear your voice ever again, let alone play a game of cards at a crappy bar in Kabukicho. It all felt so surreal, but for now, there was no doubt. It was really you.

"Another round?" You asked, shuffling the cards between your fingers.

At that moment, Takasugi stood up, attaching his sword back to his hip. It was time to go. Searching through his yukata, he fished a couple of bills out, sliding them towards your side.

"I’m afraid it’s time for me to make an exit."

"Shinsuke-san." You hesitated, your eyes darting between the table and his own.

"I enjoyed our game."

He nodded, attempting to make his way out when you stopped him again.

"Will you be coming again?"

It was his time to consider things. Perhaps other than your memory, you weren’t all that different, yet the same couldn’t be said about him. He wasn’t the same boy you fell in love with over ten years ago, the one who could afford to fool around and play uno with you as if he had no care in the world. What was left of him could barely make up for the person he used to be; scattered pieces of a vengeful and hollow beast pieced together into who he was today. Could such a man even dream of reconciling with his past?

Takasugi had no answer for that. At least not right now, when your eyes were pleading him to stay. He wanted to see you again, yet he doubted whether he should. For the first time in a while, his selfish desires were standing in his way, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

Without saying a word, he waltzed towards the door, wishing that the watchful gaze of the stars would prevent him from repeating any past mistakes, at least for the night.

The following days found Takasugi spiraling through an endless abyss of question marks, the weight of his choice following him throughout his affairs to the point where he could not concentrate on anything else.

If he told you all about your shared past and who you really were, that smile you greeted him with would be erased in an instant. The pain you’d escaped would cling onto you like it did to him, the clutches of a beast he could never escape. To subject you to such suffering, to bring such a future to you… how could he ever do that?

On the other hand, knowing that to you he was no more than a mere stranger, that all those memories you created together had scattered through the wind, Takasugi felt his heart aching. Even if it was selfish, he couldn’t help himself from showing up before you, day after day, hoping that somehow everything would get solved on its own. That he’d get to hold your hand and kiss your lips once more, just once, even if there was no tomorrow for him.

Perhaps that’s what it meant to love someone to death. As long as you are able to make a step towards them, as long as your hand can reach out, then nothing can stand in the way, not even death.

With his mind set on vengeance and his heart on you, the thin line between right and wrong became even thinner. He was more perplexed than he’d ever been, his inner conflict clouding more than just his thoughts. The sleepless nights he used to spend by himself in the comfort of his room had lessened, finding him among bottles of sake and the very same carefree people he loathed. Even when he couldn’t decide on what to do, he was adamant regarding his visits to Snack Smile, as if all the answers were hidden behind those eyes of yours.

Soon enough, the flier in his hands approached the dreaded tenth mark milestone. With each visit granting him another stamp, Takasugi caught himself counting the days down to his final reward. There was no point in going through all this trouble for a cheap bottle of champagne, he was well aware of that. But, earning himself such a trophy was far from being his actual reason. In reality, the flier served as some sort of countdown, putting a number to the days you had left. After all, he’d finally made up his mind; the day he received his final mark, would be the day he’d say goodbye to you, once and for all.

And so, with your days numbered, there was a certain bitter aftertaste that accompanied both his arrival and his departure, the heavy atmosphere that lingered feeling heavier than before. He’d already lost you once. This should have been easier, but it wasn’t. The end he sought after was sure to leave his tainted soul with yet another scar. Was that what it meant to do the right thing? He wouldn’t know.

By the end of the week, he’d visited your bar five times. A total of eight marks filled the boxes of the flier, making him wish that he hadn’t threatened that girl to speed things up in the first place. He only needed two more stamps to end things properly with you, yet as he marched his way towards his sixth visit, he started to get cold feet.

Standing outside the bar at the crack of dawn, he wondered what the hell he was doing there. For once, there was no way the bar was open at such an early hour. He was too late, or too early, depending on how one looked at it. But even if it wasn’t, what was he supposed to say? Why would the goodbye of a stranger be of any importance to you?

Being in such deep thought, he barely noticed your fatigued form coming out of the bar, with a pair of garbage bags dangling between your hands.

"Shinsuke-san? What are you doing here?" Your sleepy eyes came to life upon seeing his, your expression lighting up your entire face.

"Just passing by." He shrugged, feeling the strain in his throat as he spoke.

You walked past him, disposing of the bags as quickly as possible.

"We are closed for business, but… would you like to come in?" You suggested, pointing at the door with your thumb.

"I’m good." He shook his head.

"You came all this way, it’d be a shame to go without having a drink at the very least."

Unable to come up with another excuse, Takasugi glanced at the sky and then at you. The first morning rays poured over you like a halo, dousing your figure in a warm light. Even when your eyes were plagued with dark circles, you appeared more beautiful than ever.

"I won’t take no for an answer. If you don’t come in, I’m reporting you." A chuckle broke through your threat, your head tilting to the side. "Just one drink. It’s on me, okay?"

How could he possibly say no when you put it like that? The moment Takasugi sighed, you both knew what his answer was. So much for his unyielding resolve.

Inside the bar, empty chairs were flipped on top of empty tables, the faint smell of alcohol and smoke having yet to dissipate. He followed you to an empty booth, setting his sword to the side before taking a seat. You told him to wait, returning minutes later with your drinks. If sake wasn’t his preferred choice, he would have thought that you were a cheapskate who couldn’t afford anything else. At least you didn’t seem to be one of those pushy Dom Peri girls.

"As expected, sake tastes best with good company." You exclaimed, drinking your first shot.

He smiled, following suit.

"I bet you have lots of good company to drink with."

"No one as interesting as an Uno loving samurai."

"Or a clumsy hostess with no recollection of the past." A chuckle followed his comment, the sound of your laughter echoing through the empty space.

"Y/N. What made you choose this path for yourself?"

"Hmm…" You pondered out loud, pouring the two of you some more alcohol. "Just like you said, I’m clumsy and have no recollection of my past. What could someone like me do to survive? Serving drinks and chatting with people is something anyone can do, me included."

"Do you like it here?"

You took your time before answering, glancing at him, your glass, the bottle, the table, the entrance, and then again from the top. Whatever answer you were planning on giving, it didn’t matter. After all, your reaction said enough.

"It’s okay. The pay isn’t bad and the girls are nice to me. Our boss is quite forgiving of my mistakes too, I manage just fine."

No, you don’t. If that was the case, you wouldn’t be forced to clean up their mess by yourself, all alone and exhausted.

Rather than argue back, Takasugi pressed his glass tight against his lips. He’d hoped that at least he’d leave you to a better fate than the one that awaited you with him.

Some time passed with the two of you drinking through the contents of the bottle together in silence, neither being too sure on how to proceed.

"There’s something I haven’t told you."

He raised an eyebrow, letting go of his glass for a moment.

"I asked around for the girl, the real Y/N."

Takasugi inhaled deeply before exhaling, his fingers clenching into a fist against the hard wood.

"There is no real or fake Y/N for you to find. What remains is only you. You are Y/N."

"But-"

He dropped his hand onto the table, the thump cutting through your words.

More silence.

"What was she like?" You had no intention of giving up. Unless he gave you some answers, you would keep on asking him.

Sighing, he reached for the bottle himself, giving you both a refill.

"A nuisance."

"A nuisance?" You asked, a hearty laugh evading your lips.

What was so funny about it?

"No one starts with a person’s negative traits unless it’s someone they care deeply for. You must’ve really loved Y/N, Shinsuke-san."

He looked up at you, at the eyes he so adoringly used to look at. Time may have erased your memory, yet it never managed to extinguish the love he held for you. For a second, he wished that you could share that sentiment, that his stare could somehow pour some of that emotion back into you. He didn’t want to be alone in this, not anymore.

"I’m sorry that I couldn’t find her for you." You sincerely said. "I was hoping you’d be leaving here with a smile."

Takasugi pulled his gaze away from yours, toying with the empty glass between his fingers. It looked like that goodbye had come up sooner than he’d anticipated.

"Then drink with me today. Until my own memory gets hazy, until I manage to forget, drink with me. Ignorance comes with bliss."

Slowly, you nodded at him with hesitation. If you could peer into his thoughts, you’d be able to see that such a thing could never happen. Even if all was lost, he could never forget nor forsake you. No amount of alcohol was capable of bringing him such deliverance. As long as he lived, he’d hold onto these memories like a martyr, making sure that there was at least one of you that remembered. After all, he was prepared to carry such a heavy cross the second he walked into that bar.

Just like Takasugi suggested, the two of you finished the first bottle of sake together, followed by another and then another. Your hand began to tremble halfway through, liquor spilling onto the table and the glasses. He did his best to finish his drinks before you finished yours, making sure that he was the one to drink the majority of the content. Drunk and exhausted was not an ideal state for you to be in.

Still, he forgot to take into consideration the fact that you’d been working all night long, most likely having finished many more bottles with other clients. It didn’t take long for you to collapse. The sun had fully come out now, bathing your skin in a lovely and vibrant light as you rested on top of the table. Your palms had turned into a makeshift pillow, with your cheek finding comfort within. The sound of your breathing befell the room like a quiet lullaby, your chest moving up and down in sync with it.

Takasugi kept drinking by himself, catching you squinting and quietly grunting from time to time. You were mumbling something incoherent that he failed to pick up on, yet once he brought his hand before your eyes, you went quiet. A smile spread across your lips, with a delighted sigh following right after. Takasugi muffled a giggle, propping his elbow onto the table so that he could keep on shielding you from the light with his body.

Unable to help it, he traced the outline of your cheek with the back of his finger, tugging a couple of loose strands behind your ear. You looked so peaceful, he thought as he dragged his index across your features. The last time he’d looked at you like this, he was the one to shut your eyes, unaware of the fact that you’d been fighting your way back to him.

He brought his finger down to your nose and then to your lips, ghosting over them in a light motion. You talked back at him so many times with this mouth of yours, bringing him headache more times than he could count.

Where’s that sharp tongue of yours now, he pondered, dragging your bottom lip downwards. Such a lousy hostess that can’t even handle her liquor, falling asleep before a man whom she barely even knows. What a pathetic sight.

So very... pathetic.

Before he even knew it, his lips met with yours, a feeling of utter bliss taking over him at last. Right or wrong, who was he to differentiate the two. In that final moment with you, nothing else mattered. He selfishly claimed this one final memory for himself, hoping it'd be enough to last him a lifetime.

I won’t take my chances with you anymore. This time… be happy. Be happy and never look back, not at your past and certainly not at me. If we ever meet again… No. Even if we meet again in this or our next life, walk past me as if we were strangers. Goodbye, Y/N.

And just like that, his ghost hunt came to an end.

By the time Takasugi reached the docks, the streets of Edo were bustling with the sounds of people. Some going to work, others returning, and then those who simply strolled around. Even more so than before, he felt like a fish out of water, unable to truly fit within the crowd. It was as if he was returning from a great battle, one that he'd inevitably lost.

Silently, he slipped back inside his ship, a couple of members from his faction bidding him 'good morning'. He nodded them off, unwilling to engage in any small talk. Such trivialities seemed rather pointless at the moment.

Just before he returned to his room, Takasugi made a stop by one of the common rooms, finding Matako and Takechi conversing, or rather arguing with one another as per usual. The two went quiet at his entrance, letting him say what he had to say without any disturbances.

Once that was out of the way, he was finally able to rest. Or at least that was his plan. He removed his bandages, neatly stacking them upon his nightstand. Bringing his palm above his destroyed eye, he traced his skin all the way to his lips, finding himself terribly missing your warmth. With his wish granted, he felt no better than he did before. If anything, water had managed to seep through the cracks of his void, threatening to drown him along with what was left of him.

Hoping for a moment of repose, Takasugi leaned back against the covers of his futon, yet such moment never came. Perhaps the daylight was too strong or his thought were simply too loud. Either way, he couldn't tell.

Giving up on that plan of his, he got up, the shamisen in the corner of the room catching his eye. Maybe if he could at least counter these thoughts with something louder, he could find some solace.

Time went by swiftly, with the light burning brighter and then fading into the backdrop. A dejected melody accompanied his equally dejected musings, with his fingers aimlessly holding onto the bachi. What his words could not speak, his music transmitted perfectly. A requiem of despair.

"Shinsuke, what's all this about?" The voice of a certain green haired samurai cut through his tune, followed by the thump of the door. "Matako told me we are leaving tomorrow, is that true?”

“What if it is.” Takasugi responded, refusing to look his way.

“I thought we’d be staying until the end of the month.”

“Something came up.”

“And that is?”

There was nothing for him to say to that. Whether they stayed in Edo or not, it didn't make a difference. He'd finally cut all loose threads, no point hanging around this hell hole of a city.

Bansai moved across the room, his steps taking him to the window where Takasugi was seated. Quietly, he observed him, listening to his song as if he meant to nitpick his intentions by the mere sound of it. He folded his hands over his chest, resting against the opposite side of the frame, with his head lightly moving along to the rhythm.

"Your tempo has changed, I daresay."

Most probably for the worse, Takasugi thought to himself.

“I have a gift for you.”

Holding onto the instrument with his legs, Takasugi reached a hand in his yukata, revealing the purple flyer. Nine marks stained its surface, only one requirement away from the "grand prize". He'd held onto this thing for days, but now he found no use for it. Disposing it while he could, was the only sensible choice.

“I’m not sure I’m following, Shinsuke.” Bansai mumbled, flipping the pamphlet between his fingers.

“There's no need to. Just accept the gift.” Takasugi said, his attention shifting back to the shamisen.

“This is very unlike you, I daresay.“

With the music picking up once again, Bansai moved outside of the room, taking his so called gift with him.

There was no telling how much time had passed, the never-ending melody stubbornly persisting. Takasugi felt numb, each of his thoughts melting away underneath his fingertips. By now, he should have met with you. Would you be disappointed that Bansai showed up instead of him? That was unlikely. Who'd be distressed over a stranger?

That's right. It didn't matter anymore. He'd given up on you, he had no right contemplating over such things. It was over. It really was.

“You’re back early.” His voice felt raspier after going for so long without speaking a word.

“I met with the girl.” Bansai admitted, stepping into the room. His tone was near suggestive, hinting that this was far from all he had to say.

Curious to see what comes next, Takasugi let go of the shamisen, an eerie quietness befalling the room as he set it to the side.

“… And?”

“And I must ask, who is that girl, Shinsuke?”

“A good for nothing hostess.” Takasugi sneered.

Bansai sighed, doubting that Takasugi was giving him the full story. More often than not, he was able to read into his thoughts with greater ease than most. Even if he didn't poke his nose into his business, he had no intention to let this one slide, and for once, Takasugi wasn't too appreciative of his friend's feature.

“That good for nothing hostess said I can’t accept it on your stead. You should know better than to give gifts one can't redeem.” He dropped the flyer onto the floor beside him.

“Is that so?" Takasugi inquired with zero interest, merely glancing at it and then looking away.

“There’s more to the story, I daresay." Bansai continued, his fingers browsing through his teal colored coat. "She asked of me to bring this to you. Said she’ll be waiting for you to return it one day.”

Takasugi glanced over at him, his eye widening upon receiving the item from his hands.

“I believe you recognize this. Then, I’ll leave you to it.” Bansai said before finally making his exit.

There was no way... right? This couldn't be it... right?

At the moment, Takasugi struggled to understand the meaning of it, seemingly lost as he studied the material. His fingers went over the fabric with great care, tracing each and every seam as if they were sacred. This was far from being the only one of it's kind, yet there was no room for doubt; this white headband could only be the very same that once belonged to him, the one he'd traded you all those years back.

"Such a foolish woman." He huffed in a low tone, his lips curving into a smile. Even when he'd given you a chance at happiness, you'd chosen to fall back into your own misery. What kind of fool does that?

Yet, such a foolish woman had managed to fool him. He wasn't any better, he realized to his dismay, guilty over the sudden rush of relief. Even by a little, the weight he'd been so adamant to carry by himself had been lifted, with or without his consent. He really thought that he could take it, but there you were again, stirring up trouble from miles apart. To think that he'd fallen for such a nuisance.

Lacing his fingers around the headband, Takasugi leaned back against the window. A sigh evaded his lips once he finally closed his eye.

Perhaps the destruction of the world was always meant to be celebrated with a cheap bottle of champagne.

A/N: Originally I planned to end it at this, but then I realized that the ending might be a bit unclear, so I'll add myself a mini QnA to explain certain things!

Q1: Did she know who he was all along?

A1: Nope. In reality she didn't reveal the whole truth to him. She had memories of a man and their times together, but she couldn't remember who that was or even his name. After she met Takasugi again, all those missing pieces came together and by the last time he visited her, she knew who he was.

Q2: If she still loves him, then why not tell him?

A2: Though Takasugi hasn't changed that much, she could tell that he had something going on that was bigger than their little love story. She knows him better than most and so she wouldn't want to stand in the way of his path.

Q3: Then why reveal it at the end?

A3: Takasugi may have been strong enough to stay true to his decision of ending things, but she wasn't. When he kissed her, she was able to feel it and when she realized that this was goodbye, she couldn't accept that this was their end. Even if it's harder for them to pine over one another, she hoped that by revealing her cards to him and giving him a place to return to, then one day he will.

Q4: So will he return?

A4: It might take some time, but he definitely will. After all, he has a headband to return and a drink to share.

Q5: Dom Peri is very expensive, why did you call it cheap?

A5: In comparison to his precious memories of her, Dom Peri feels very cheap to Takasugi.

#takasugi shinsuke #takasugi #takasugi gintama #takasugi shinsuke x reader #takasugi x reader #takasugi reader #takasugi angst #takasugi fanfiction #takasugi imagine #takasugi one shot #gintama imagine #gintama fanfiction #gintama oneshot #gintama angst #request

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Gintama shortfic - Joui Four

I wrote this shortfic for the Chocolate Box Exchange over on AO3, now reposting it to Tumblr. It's a Joui Four shipfic, poly. Rated PG for language and sexual situations. Title: The Opposite of the Opposite of the Unexpected, Times Four Characters/Pairing: Gintoki/Katsura/Takasugi/Sakamoto Summary: Things each of the Joui Four are not terribly known for: the silence of Sakamoto, the languor of Katsura, the gentleness of Takasugi, and what of Gintoki...? Rare glimpses, given to precious few. Author's Notes: This piece is not always terribly precise in its setting, but when it talks about Takasugi you can mostly assume it's from wartime unless otherwise noted, while the time setting can be more ambiguous for the other three. Vague spoilers for the final arc. Concrit and other feedback welcome and appreciated.

The silence of Sakamoto

Sakamoto always seem to be noisy somehow, his words and laughter ringing out louder than anybody else’s. Quiet in Sakamoto terms means talking in a soft voice, mumbling, humming; intimate and close, but still not silent. Like the times when he washes and combs Zura’s hair sometimes, showing greater facility with the task than the other two, who got oddly hostile the very first time, as if they were jealous. Zura was just delighted with it. Sakamoto was more quiet than usual, then, but he was still humming and sometimes erupted into small talk.

Gintoki and Takasugi might say crassly that he only ever shuts up when he’s either asleep or has someone’s cock in his mouth. But in the former case, he still snores half the time – as Zura will point out – and in the latter, he will suck and slurp and pant so enthusiastically that ‘silence’ still doesn’t seem the right word. A truly silent Sakamoto is an outlandish idea.

But it does still happen. There are times when Sakamoto watches the autumn leaves tumbling down, or the stars starting to light up on the night sky, and says nothing, eyes pensive, with a boundless faith in his smile. Gintoki thinks he looks very comely in those moments, but he is still always relieved the next moment, when Tatsuma starts talking. Whether he says something dumb and crass or thoughtful and yearning, just the sound of his voice is nice. Gintoki, for his part, does not much like it when Tatsuma is silent. Sometimes those deep blue eyes seem to see right through Gintoki all too clearly.

Most usually, though, a silent Sakamoto is only caught in the corners of their eyes, as he watches the others with warm eyes, perhaps stretched out on a futon waring nothing at all. That fleeting silence may end quickly. Gintoki tends to get self-conscious and embarrassed when he notices, making him go, “What? Why are you looking like that? What’s on your mind?” which just makes Sakamoto laugh. Zura on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind, but he does get more blushy and giggly than usual when Sakamoto is being silent. As for Takasugi, he just gives Sakamoto a long, unsmiling languid stare right back, then huffs and turns to his pipe or his shamisen.

***

The languor of Katsura

Katsura is all diligence and dutifulness, as a wartime leader, as a postwar revolutionary, even as an energetic boke full of strange radio waves. Even he can be tired sometimes, limbs heavy and eyes bleary; in fact, it is often only when he’s already worn down that he gets softened enough for a roll in the hay, persuaded in the small hours to indulge in such a luxury. He still tries to do his bit dutifully to please his partner or partners, and is the one most likely to direct the others when they are more than two. Gintoki seems to take it as a personal challenge to “get Zura to let go more”, which can awaken Takasugi’s competitiveness. Sakamoto just laughs about it, and that’s probably what makes Zura relax the most, in the end.

But in the morning, he is always the first one awake, futon neatly rolled away, already busy eating breakfast – or, in war days, giving his men the first orders of the day outside the tent – by the time anyone else is rubbing his eyes with morning-heavy head. He is not a man who believes in lingering in bed.

In his late twenties, Zura will start to discover laziness, usually while playing videogames or spending idle times on the internet, or even just watching TV with Elizabeth at his side. But even that is an ordinary kotatsu-esque kind of slouching, nothing sensual about it.

It is so rare to see him in the early morning light, stretching out in a happy yawn with rumpled bedclothes and unruly hair, bare arms beside his head, reddish-golden sunlight on his face, his expression not just sated with the nights’ activities, but fully content with that fact. At peace. It is so rare, in fact, that when Sakamoto first sees it he does a doubletake and even wonders for a moment if Zura is putting on a show, trying to impersonate one of the others. But when Sakamoto glances at Gintoki, he can see him watching Zura with an expression not of surprise or annoyance but wistful fondness.

Takasugi’s gaze is more unreadable, but he joins Sakamoto in getting dressed and moving about with unusual quiet and caution, as if they’re trying to prolong this unusual sight as long as possible. It’s only when they leave the room to get something to eat that Zura blinks and shakes himself out of it, jumping to his feet and going to get washed. Gintoki groans and glares at the other two over breakfast. That image of a languid Zura will linger in Sakamoto’s head in years to come, and it is to a great delight when he finally gets to see it again, on a cold day in Edo, drinking hot chocolate together in the snow.

***

The gentleness of Takasugi

Takasugi is easily roused to anger when Gintoki is around, but he has a calmer side as well, for instance when planning for battle or directing his troops. He retreats, sometimes, into a solitary kind of quietude; strumming his shamisen, composing poems, reading reports, reading books, or just sitting and thinking.

He can be quiet, he can be careful, but you would usually not call him gentle. Even when they’re having sex, if he’s taking things slowly it comes across more like he’s teasing the other or others, rather than being considerate. As for times when somebody truly is sick or wounded and needs more careful handling. he acts short and grumpy about it. It is almost like he’s embarrassed, not just to be seen to show such care, but also embarrassed for the other person, too, and the weakness they’re showing.

But rarely, very rarely, on the eve of upcoming terrible battles, when the odds are against them and they all know that many will die, when life is thin and the four of them seek joy in each other’s bodies one more time; it’s only then, hovering so close to infinity that every small gesture between them is like poetry, that he can rest within tenderness without being bothered by it, without trying to hide it. When, in the gray light of the early dawn, his eyes as he looks on his brothers in arms are large and gentle and weary, the weight of impossible softness hanging on the small edge of his smile.

The others tuck those memories away and hide them deep in their heart. In years to come that moment will both warm and hurt.

Katsura will not see that look again; the trysts he and Takasugi sometimes keeps, before Benizakura, never even brush up at the edge of that kind of softness. Sakamoto will imagine he sees it, once, on Rakuyo, which might be a delusion. Gintoki truly will see it again, on a boat going down the river to Edo, Takasugi taking Gintoki’s head into his lap and smoke his pipe in quiet.

***

The ??? of Gintoki

1. Katsura thinks of Gintoki as a man of enormous strength and with a truly remarkable amount of different traits and qualities, some very open and blatant while others are a little more hidden. He might at first just seem like a lazy slacker, but he can summon a great deal of energy when he wants to, and not only for fighting either. If Katsura had to pick just one noun that doesn’t feel very Gintoki-like, he might pick ‘shyness’. Especially honest, quiet shyness that doesn’t hide behind a grumpy tsundere facade. The very first couple of times they kissed, unsure and clumsy, Katsura was able to see that unusual shy look on Gintoki’s face; it was still a treasured moment, a revelation in its own way. He saw it again the first time they slept together, the awkward, blushy fumbling as Gintoki took his own clothes and put his arms on Zura’s shoulder, neither of them having any clear idea what they were doing. It feels like a long time ago now.

It’s natural, Katsura thinks, that familiarity and comfortability would chase that momentary shyness away. Gintoki seems usually to be incredibly self-possessed, even in times when he’s weighed down by self-loathing. And usually he simply doesn’t talk about the things that would bare his inner self too awkwardly, nor does Katsura try to initiate anything romantic in public. But there are moments still, few and far between, when that old, odd timidity seems to return on Gintoki’s visage, and they seem as young again as they did back underneath a willow tree by a river, the taste of their first kiss lingering on their lips.

2. Takasugi would not deny that Gintoki is a man of many facets, but there is no question in his mind which trait he thinksfits him the least: ‘weakness’. The boy who kept defeating him in the dojo for such a long time, till Takasugi slowly began to catch up; the warrior who fought like a demon, seemingly invincible, with his unparalleled use of unpredictable movements and uncanny flow; even now, in his beaten-down peacetime persona, where his fighter skills are wasted on petty ordinary activities, it’s still the case that whenever he’s pushed to the brink, he will step up and summon forth his stupendous power and fighting skills that remain with him, indelible. His soul might be wounded now, deeply stricken and suffering; but his body can always fight.

Of course, Gintoki could be soft, towards those who were sick or wounded; or even sometimes when they fucked. But the sinuous, resting strength in those marvellous muscles always remained. He was no mean some perfect lover, but even if he got too over-enthusiastic at times with a tendency to blow his load (which Takasugi always scathingly pointed out, enjoying Gintoki’s scarlet flush and “Shut up! I’m doing the best I can!” in response); but that was always due to lack of technique, not a lack in strength. As for the battlefield, even when he’s bleeding from many wounds, with broken bones, there almost always seems to be still a residue in strength in him.

But there have been a couple of times when that was not the case. Gintoki caught a bad Amanto virus, once, during the war, and had to be isolated in his tent riding the sickness out. Katsura who never gets sick was the one who mostly took care of him, but Takasugi sneaked in there a couple of times. That pitiful figure, the feverish sweat, the trembling; the lack of resolve in Gintoki’s stricken face… It had shaken Takasugi, who went out to fight the enemy with even more fury than usual. He wasn’t even sure if it had been the sight itself that shook him the most, or the unwanted surge of tenderness that it had provoked in him. He had no idea what to do about that. Gintoki wasn’t supposed to be weak.

3. Sakamoto thinks that by and large, what he wished was a more common trait for Gintoki is just plain open joy. Not just battlefield frenzy, not just manic, not-quite-honest cheerfulness; not even just a mellow contentedness with a small, fond smile at those that he loves. That last thing is very nice and all, and so is raucous drunk companionship, even if those bar nights always feature copious puking, especially on Sakamoto’s part… But that’s beside the point. It would just be even better, in Tatsuma’s opinion, if Gintoki felt secure enough in his happiness, and in his own right to be happy, to express it more fully and openly. Even when sober.

He wonders sometimes if he should talk to Zura about that, or maybe Shinpachi and Kagura, or even someone like Gintoki’s landlady, who seems to have a good head on her shoulders. But as stubborn as Tatsuma Sakamoto can be, he can recognize this objective as a longterm one that will require a patient and subtle campaign. So he will just laugh even louder and turn up when least expected and coax Gintoki into sharing a few drinks with him at least.

And in the privacy of a hotel room, he is sometimes -- rarely -- rewarded by unexpected happy giggles from Gintoki as Tatsuma nibbles his ear. Those are very, very good moments.

#gintama fanfiction #myfics #joui four #chocolate box #not worksafe #gintoki sakata #kotaro katsura #shinsuke takasugi #tatsuma sakamoto #self reblog #ot4

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